#i dont knoooow i dont know anything at all. im gonna stop ruminating and drink more water and open up steam so i can have somr fun
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sick day today :-(
#usually pulling a sickie is kinda fun cuz i can like watch movies or play videogames all day but ive been feeling rl off#possibly have a uti lmao i went to a pharmacy and they gave me an antibiotic course and told me to see my gp if it gets worse#but idek if it is one i havent been having pain/burning on peeing. they said its not standard to do urine tests unless its suspected to be#complicated.. i just have like. pressure and difficulty fully emptying my bladder. they took my temp and i dont have a fever either#just really badly fatigued and struggling to think straight. maybe it is just overexertion from yesterday or like heat exhaustion#trying to stay rly hydrated and ill see how i feel after eating.. if i start taking antibiotics i have to finish the course entirely#but if i get sick from them ill have to miss my concert tomorrow :'(((#man. idk if its just anxiety from the haze of being ill and pained but i feel like the friend im going with doesnt wanna go w me anyway#i feel like hes either having a bad time of his own and not talking abt it. or ive pissed him off somehow. smths just been off lately#im not in a state of mind to play guessing games ill just work myself into a tizzy but if i have done smth i wish i knew so i could fix it#and if its his own shit going on i wish i knew as his friend like even if i cant solve it i want him to feel like he can talk to me abt it#ik hes a private guy and me too but sometimes u gotta share some of ur worldly burdens w ppl in ur life or what's the point#we dont rly get much time to properly talk cuz we're usually at work or if we call my flatmate can hear everything i say cuz thin walls#or lets be real when we call im often in a lot of pain and a bit high to cope with it so not especially conversational lmfao.#maybe thats why hes annoyed. idfk. well itd be nice to get to talk to him tmr but seems like he doesnt even wanna take the same train#and wont be much talking at the gig...maybe im being childish and stupid for wanting to spend more time with him when we already do hang#out a fair amt. i think hes less social than i am maybe. but i miss him snd i miss when our schedules were more aligned so we got to hang#more and i miss feeling like i was getting to know him and understand him better but now the walls are back up and im hitting a ceiling#im not gonna have a tantrum over it like if he wants space ill respect that. ik he was annoyed at another friend before for having kinda#unreasonal social demands of him.. i dont wanna be that person i just like him a lot and like being around him is that a crime#okay so i am being anxious but its mainly just the pain. ugh. whenever i catch feelings for ppl i get so worried im not being#respectful enough of their boundaries bc ppl have accused me of being predatory or even just needy before and it fucking stings#and its not fair to involve him in all that when he didnt even do anything im just projecting i doubt im even in the ballpark of his type#i dont knoooow i dont know anything at all. im gonna stop ruminating and drink more water and open up steam so i can have somr fun#.diaries#at least my roast chicken came out real good..letting it rest b4 i carve it up :-)
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