#i feel like i’m in school again; turning in assignments at 11:58pm

[gooserings]

day 1 of fan joy july!! i found out about this event a few hours ago and started working on this asap

this is from Totem Time by Sillus on Ao3, where Legend teaches Four and Warriors the Totem Time technique from Tri Force Heroes :)

[peachyvhope]

Cold-Hearted | pt. 4.

;pairing — jungkook x reader

;warnings — smut| maybe a bit of cock worship | this is like 1/3 edited lol

;summary — why is it that whenever you’re around Jeon Jungkook, you’re a hot mess? And when you’re a hot mess, his heart turns cold as stone. When a drunken night forces you to spend a dark morning at the BTS frat house, Jungkook develops an avid hate for you which can only lead to worse things

;word count — 8,768 words of idk what

part one | part two | part three

“So…” You awkwardly had your head laid against Jungkook’s chest. His heart thumped against his chest steadily, as if the whole even wasn’t affecting him as much as it was affecting you. After all, this guy had been on your mind non-stop since the incident, but here he was… just hugging you after a verbal confrontation.

“What?” You wished you could know what he was thinking. Jungkook took your hands in his own and began to fiddle with your fingers, pinching the fingertips every now and then. You opened and closed your mouth, not knowing what to say, distracted by the simple, oddly intimate action.

“Out with it, just spit it out.” Jungkook pressed as he pinched another fingertip.

“I…” your mouth suddenly felt dry. “You eat ice cream in the dark?” You mentally smacked a palm against your forehead—out of anything, you said that?

“So what if I do? Are you judging me?” He said, somewhat defensively, pausing in his actions, but still holding onto your hand.

“No—I just…” You felt dizzy, your legs were tingly, and it was getting far too warm. The carton of ice cream was long forgotten, empty and tossed aside. You took your hands from Jungkook and pushed away, too close for comfort. “So, the presentation?” You offered in an attempt to change the subject.

“Oh, yeah.” You noticed Jungkook’s figure stand, and you wished you could see the expression on his face—maybe then you could get an idea of what he was thinking about, but his laptop had died not much earlier.

“What are you doing?” You wondered, hoping you hadn't offended him to the point that he would actually leave.

“Let’s go.” Jungkook’s voice sounded farther—he pulled his phone from what you assumed was his pocket and turned the flashlight on before gathering his things. It took you a moment to process what he had said.

“What?” You asked, thoroughly confused.

“We can’t just wait for midnight to pass us by—if we’ve procrastinated this long, Cho isn’t going to give us an extension just because the power went out. Let’s go to the campus coffee shop and finish up there.” Jungkook explained as he shoved his laptop into his bag before finally hiking the thing on his shoulder, leaning his hip against the counter to wait for you.

“Oh,” you nodded. “I’ll… get my stuff?” Your statement came out as a question, considering you were still a little confused at his behavior in the last few minutes.

“No need; long as we have my stuff, we’ll be good. We have a few slides, then we can review the powerpoint, and do some note cards. I think we’ll be just fine.” Jungkook stared down at you before realizing you had no plans to actually get up. “Well, come on, time is money.”

You nodded as if to agree, “You can go ahead. I’ll catch up, I just need to take care of something, real quick. Lock up.”

“Dude, seriously get off your ass.” Jungkook’s flashlight shined down on you, momentarily blinding you, but behind the light, you could make out the cold glare he gave you. He was getting pissed.

“I’m telling you, Jeon, I’ll be right behind you,” you attempted. “Don’t fight me on this.”

“Too bad,” Jungkook’s hand wrapped around your upper arm and he pulled you up with him, your legs feeling more tingly. “Come on, I have things to do.”

“After midnight? What? Jack off?” you spat, ripping your arm free from his grip. Jungkook rolled his eyes and turned off the flashlight, walking towards the door. You shifted from foot to foot, trying to wake your legs up after sitting for so long.

“It’s none of your business what I do, but I can assure you that I’m never alone.” Your stomach dropped slightly at his comment. Jungkook opened the door to your dorm and grabbed his umbrella. “Coming or not?” You exhaled a deep breath and pulled on some sneakers, following him out the door and locking up.

The walk to the coffee shop was a silent one, besides the pitter patter of the rain on the asphalt and the plastic of Jungkook’s umbrella. He made sure that it covered the both of you well, although every once in a while, you’d move too far and end up with a droplet splashing on your shoulder. The inside of the coffee shop was well-lit and super warm; you wondered if it was only your dormitory hall that had lost power.  Not many people occupied the little shop, but those who were there were too interested in their own assignments or books.

“Go find a table; I’ll get some drinks.” Jungkook waved you off dismissively.

“Okay,” you mumbled meekly before turning away from him. In the brightly lit shop, you could tell Jungkook wasn’t one bit happy with you. He looked plain exhausted, dark circles starting to form beneath his eyes. Not to mention, with every glance you stole, he’d seemed to be glaring right back. You took a seat in a booth close to the register and chanced another look at the boy.

Jungkook gave the barista at the register a tired smile before pointing to the menu behind her. You tried to eavesdrop, but you weren’t close enough to hear what he said. With a heavy sigh you leaned your head in your palm, putting the weight on your propped elbow. Your mind raced with questions. What did this mean?

When Jungkook returned with two iced teas, you both got to work on the presentation. While you thought you had been close to done, it took a long while before you could get everything right. Down to the last few moments before the midnight deadline, you and Jungkook never uttered a word that strayed from the project at hand. That meant, when you had finally finished and e-mailed the damned powerpoint to Professor Cho at 11:58pm, you and Jungkook sat in awkward silence, surrounded by a stranded diner. A new waitress had clocked in for the graveyard shift, slumping on her arm in boredom.

“Let me walk you to your place,” Jungkook finally said after the cricket chirps became too much for him. He hiked his bag onto his shoulder before standing from the booth, waiting for you to do the same. When you’d finally gotten up, he lead the way out of the exit and all the way to your front door. The walk had been quiet, but somehow it was a comfortable silence compared to when you’d been sitting in the booth. You tiredly stared at his broad back the whole journey, wondering to yourself how his body had gotten that way. You wondered what he must have looked like when he was younger, but nothing seemed to come to mind.

“Here we are,” Jungkook breathed abruptly, and you looked up from his back just to see him turn and connect your gaze. “Home, sweet home, huh?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, almost dazed. You couldn’t help but realize how sleepy you were getting. Your eyes were drooping and your body was ready to give out. Maybe if Jungkook was nicer, he could pick you up and carry you to your bed. No doubt Taehyung would do it—even without you asking. You let out a loud yawn, too tired to even step in the direction of your door.

“Think you’re ready?”

You simply nodded again. You couldn’t really process what he was saying; but it sounded nice coming from him. That was for sure. His voice was low, careful as to not disturb anyone else, amd you guessed he was probably tired, too.

“Make sure you review your cards before you come in—it’s better you don’t read off of them. The professor could deduct points. And if…” you tuned his words out and focused on the baritone of his voice. When the sound of his voice began to lull you to sleep and you almost found yourself falling into the fetal position on the floor, you shook your head violently and placed your hand on Jungkook’s chest.

“Mmm,” you hummed, the muscles under the fabric of his hoodie tensing. “I won’t screw up. Tired. Bye.”

“I’m sure you won’t.” You opened the door to your dorm, and without glancing, retreated to your bedroom for a good night’s sleep. You were too slumped to even dream, so when you woke up, it felt like you had woken up in a completely different time arc. You sat up and turned off the alarm on your cell phone before getting up to prepare yourself for the presentation. You made sure you were dressed to abide by the business casual dress code and went over the cards you and Jungkook had writ up that previous night—the way he was acting, there was no room for errors.

As you finished up your breakfast, you gathered your things and started your stroll to your Physics class. Professor Cho was standing at the door, handing out hard copies of the powerpoints to each group. While you waited for the line to shorten, you heard someone hiss. You didn’t know if whoever that person was, was gesturing for you, so for a moment you kept minding your own business. When the hissing persisted, with the added flippant use of your name, you finally looked around to see Jungkook waving a packet over his head.

“Hey, we’re first up.”

“You’re joking,” your jaw slacked just a little bit. The only good that ever came from being first to present was that teachers were usually easier. But that was high school. In college, if something didn’t adhere to the guidelines, your points were going to get deducted—no ifs, ands, or buts.

“I’m not laughing, am I? Now come on and help me set up these charts.”

“Charts?”

“Yes, charts. I took them out of the presentation before we e-mailed Cho and printed them out onto bigger sheets this morning. You’re good with explaining them, right?” Jungkook pulled out a pen from his pants pocket and held it out for you to take. You noticed he was wearing one of those Chinese collar dress shirts and couldn’t help but notice how it fit his body so well.

“Of course.”

“Good.” Jungkook turned away from you and began to set up easels to hold the charts, leaving you to pull up your powerpoint as students continued to file into the large lecture hall. As the opening slide appeared on the massive wall behind you, you realized you would be using a microphone, much like Professor Cho did when lecturing. That would aid you in any chance of speaking too low. You breathed a sigh, not sure of whether it was relief, or that sigh you take when you’re unsure about something.

“Mr. Jeon Jungkook and Miss (Y/L/N), are you ready?” Professor Cho closed the door to the lecture hall and sat in his wheelie chair, front and center.

Jungkook shook his head and blew out a sigh, before saying yes. Jungkook glanced at you, mouthing three distinct words: “Don’t fuck up.” He picked up the clicker from the desk and pointed a laser at the picture on that slide. “Good morning, I am Jeon Jungkook, and this is my partner…” You filled in with your own name and a smile.

The presentation went relatively well—or at least you thought so. You were able to stop yourself from using filler words, maintaining eye contact with the audience, and didn’t stutter over your words. Much. Jungkook was incomparable. It sounded as if he had rehearsed a dozen times, his voice projected across the whole hall even without the microphone, well enough that he didn’t have to shout. When Professor Cho asked questions and you answered with your subpar knowledge, Jungkook would come to the rescue.

At least that headache was over.

Professor Cho dismissed you, allowing the next group to get up and show their presentation. You and Jungkook slipped into empty seats at the back. When you’d gotten situated, Jungkook turned to you and placed a brown paper bag on your desk.

“What’s this,” you whispered, warily glancing at the bag. Last time you’d accepted a so-called gift from the guy, you’d been left mortified.

“Food.” He shrugged.

“Why?” You took into account how he crossed his arms on the table and stared at you, biceps bulging. Was he purposefully flexing? Couldn’t be. You tried to match the magnitude of his stare, but all that resulted was tension.

“I figured if you did well, I’d reward you.” Jungkook gave you a small smile and you felt something knot up in the pit of your stomach. “Go ahead.” Jungkook continued to urge you, and you really weren’t sure if you should follow up.

When you didn’t move, Jungkook rolled his eyes. “You act like I did something horrible to you. Just open the goddamn bag.” His slightly raised voice caught the attention of some of your classmates, but Jungkook didn’t seem to care in the slightest.

“You do it,” you murmured, pushing the bag closer to him with a single shaking finger. Jungkook scoffed before taking the bag and opening it, pulling out what appeared to be a Boston cream doughnut. Your favorite. Jungkook began to raise the pastry to his mouth, but before he could bite into it, you grasped his wrist.

“Where did you get that,” you asked, as if it wasn’t to blatant before.

“A doughnut shop? Piss off. You didn’t seem like you wanted it before.”

“I want it,” you said without skipping a beat. “Give it here,”  you held out the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Jungkook’s wrist, staring at the doughnut as if it were the key to survival. Jungkook laughed at you, a sound that you would have cherished if the doughnut hadn’t been held captive. In one swift movement, Jungkook held both your wrists with one hand, his other hand aiding in the mission of him eating.

“Oh, my God,” you gasped.

“I’m not God,” he joked, showcasing the cream filling. You noticed the doughnut left a trace of cream on his bottom lip, right next to the mole under his lip. “Lick it.”

“What?” You stopped moving every single muscle in your body.

“You heard me,” Jungkook glanced to the side before reconnecting his gaze with yours, lowering his voice so only you could hear. “Lick it.” He leaned in closer, and that scene of his lips with the cream was just waiting to unfold. His lips were just centimeters away from yours, and you were beginning to notice how your body was vibrating on its own. From excitement. Your eyes glared at his nose, your lip rolling between your teeth as you bit it in uncertainty.

“I want my doughnut back,” you whispered with a whine, trying hard not to just let your tongue slip and swipe up the remainder of the doughnut.

“If you lick it, I’ll buy you another one.” Jungkook began to smirk, and you wondered where that cold-hearted persona suddenly disappeared to. People didn’t change overnight.

“I can buy my own.” You tried to release yourself from his hold but it was no use.

“Where’s the joy in eating something you bought yourself? Just lick it; when did you become such a wimp? Weren’t you the one who decided I was being an ass and hopped on my dick?” Jungkook really couldn’t have said it louder. You wanted to smack yourself from embarrassment when you realized the three rows in front of you were staring at your exchange.

One girl in particular was whispering to her friend, and while you couldn’t hear anything, you were certain it was something about how you were probably some crazy bitch. And if your situations has been switched, you were certain you would have said the same thing. Who gets so pissed that they hop on some guy’s dick? Normally, not you. But in your defense, you’d gotten really worked up.

Like a blessing from above, Professor Cho finally stood and went to the front of the classroom, having no idea what was going on in the very back row of the lecture hall. “We will continue presentations tomorrow; those of you who have already presented, please pick up your grade slips on my desk.” And then he was gone. Jungkook scoffed and stood, picking up his bag and licking his own lip. He walked ahead of you to the desk and picked the the little gold grade sheet.

“What did we get?” You stood beside Jungkook as the lecture hall got emptier and emptier.

“Hmm,” his eyebrows furrowed together as he analyzed the sheet. When he whistled lowly, you felt your chest get tight. Something was wrong. You could tell from the way Jungkook suddenly tensed up, crumpled up the paper in his hand, and shoved it in his pocket.

“Ju—” You couldn’t even say his name. For fear of angering him more as he stomped out of the hall. You were the last pair to leave.

You waited a few moments after he disappeared to make your own exit, figuring you’d find out your grade eventually. Maybe you could email Professor Cho. That was a solution; you didn’t know how much more of pissy Jungkook you could handle. It had been a long week. An eventful week.

When you left the lecture hall, you closed the door behind you quietly, only to hear a loud bang. You jumped, only to find someone’s chest pressed against your back. You tried to look behind you, but the body pressed further into your back. You felt no threat.

“Uh,” you were at a loss for words. “Jungkook…?” You tried. You hoped. You really hoped it was Jungkook just being funny, but realized he wasn’t normally like that—after all he just stomped out in anger. Maybe it was Taehyung.

The pressure ceased and you were able to turn around and face a smug Jungkook. You couldn’t help but be shocked. Jungkook held out the crumpled paper and you were relieved to see a fat a marked in red across the gold material.

“Haha, very funny.”

“Doughnuts?” Jungkook produced another brown paper bag, and you grabbed it quickly. As you walked quickly to find a place to sit outside the lecture hall, Jungkook fell into step beside you. He remained quiet, staring ahead as you checked inside the bag to see if they were really doughnuts. Rest assured, there were three other Boston Creams inside. You found a bench just outside and sat down, pulling a doughnut out for yourself. You bit into it happily, savoring the first bite.

“Good?”

“Delicious. I feel like I’m in heaven—secured that C for the semester, and now I have doughnuts,” you moaned in happiness, eliciting a chuckle from Jungkook. “What if I didn’t like Boston cream doughnuts, huh, jerk?”

“I guess I would have to eat them all myself.”

“They’re your favorite,” you asked, amazed at the fact you were able to keep a conversation with the infamous stone-cold jerk in the first place. It felt like good vibes were arising.

“Not particularly. I talked to Seokjin.”

“Oh,” you muttered around another mouthful. You fell quiet. He talked to Jin. “Why?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“About you being a bitch to me and me being douche in return.”

“I don’t think that’s how apologies work, Jeon,” you sighed, crossing your legs on the bench and pulling another doughnut out to eat.

“I guess not. But I kinda understand how you got so worked up. Not really. You were an utter bitch. Someone needs to take you to anger management classes.”

“Starting to feel like you’re not that sorry.”

“But I reflected. People don’t change overnight, but reflection can occur in a night. Everyone at the frat seems to think you’re kinda cool, and if you can’t come over to visit your brother or your little boy toy because of me, then I guess I feel bad.”

“Tae isn’t my boy toy,” you found yourself saying, as if he really needed to hear that.

“Sure.” Jungkook sat back and breathed deeply through his nose. “Truce?”

You weighed your options. Of course you couldn’t keep a grudge. You split the doughnut you had in hand in half and offered it to Jungkook. “Truce.”

You sat in silence for a while, thinking back on the presentation. “Were you nervous?”

“Very,” Jungkook admitted. “People tell me when I’m nervous, I do this head thing, but I don’t see it.”

“Oh, I noticed that,” you hummed. Swallowing the last bit of your pastry.

“Did you?” Jungkook’s eyes flickered, and you licked your lips, assuming there had been a bit of cream on your lips like he had earlier. “There’s nothing on your lips.”

“Oh,” you said, feeling dumb all of a sudden. “My lips were dry.” You looked ahead of you, other students roaming the campus freely. You felt Jungkook slide closer to you.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

“Why?” You looked at him, shocked.

“Stop asking questions,” he rolls his eyes, “Because I feel like it.” His palm caressed your cheek and he leaned closer, pressing his lips to yours in a soft kiss. He should feel like it more often, you thought to yourself.

Jiyeon walked in causing an unnecessary amount of ruckus. She held large cloth bags on both shoulders, yelping here and there when she wasn’t groaning out of her “exhaustion”.

“Hey,” you greeted, finally emerging from your bedroom. “What’s all that?”

“I bought groceries.”

“Groceries,” you narrowed your eyes in suspicion. You pinched the hot pink fabric spilling from one of the bags that Jiyeon had thrown across the couch, raising an eyebrow. “I may not be a genius, but I’m pretty sure groceries are considered something you can eat.”

“You’re not wrong.” Jiyeon slipped the last bag onto the floor and slumped across the couch, “Groceries are defined as items of food sold in a grocery store.”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.” You took one of the large bags and dumped them on the floor. Panties upon panties spilled out.

“Again, Ji. I’m no genius, but I don’t think thongs,” you held up a lace pair, “Are edible. Unless that’s your new hobby—I’m not judging.”

“Chill, Y/N.” Jiyeon finally sat up, “We are not having thongs and push up bras from breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I just picked them up from a friend. Remember Mona? She came back from France and got me a shit-ton of stuff! So I figured—why not put them to good use?”

“Ah, I see. You and Hoseok should have some interesting nights in the future; just be sure to book a hotel.”

“They’re not for me. Or not all of them, at least.”

“Well, they’re sure as hell not for me.”

“Listen, young Grasshopper, we shall ensure your happiness.”

You jumped to your feet and backed away. “I’m not sure what you’re smoking, but I think we need to sober you up.”

“Shut up,” Jiyeon grabbed a bra from one of the bags and threw it at your face. “You can never have too much sexy lingerie,” she reached into a bag again, “Look, there’s even sexy loungewear. We’re the same size, so I let Mona splurge. Take whatever you want, leave whatever you don’t want. But let’s get down to real business—you and Jungkookie, huh?”

“What are you talking about?” You busied yourself with looking through the clothes, trying to avoid the situation.

“Hoseok said he saw you guys making out on the bench yesterday.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” you snapped your fingers in her direction. “It was a kiss. That’s it.”

“And Tae?” At that moment, the doorbell rang and you turned your back to Jiyeon.

“Speak of the devil,” you muttered. You swung the door open to reveal Taehyung in one of his Gucci ensembles. He pulled off his Gucci jean jacket upon entering your humble abode and tossed it over the back of one of the chairs at the table before engulfing you in a hug, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Hey,” Taehyung gave you his signature boxed smile, walking further in to greet Jiyeon on the couch.

“Morning, Tae,” Jiyeon waved. “What’s got you so happy this morning? Oh, wait, you’re always happy.”

“That, I am. Are we having a lingerie party? Do I need to strip?” Tae reached down as if to unbuckle his belt, earning a death stare from your roommate. “Joking.” He pushed away some bras to clear a space for him to sit, slumping and throwing his arm across the back of the couch. “What did you and Hobi get down to last night, huh? He walked in at the crack ass of dawn looking like a ghoul. Freaky stuff?”

“Nothing freakier than what you do, butt-plug boy.”

“That was one time!” Taehyung groaned in exasperation, briefly glancing at you. “But don’t knock it till you try it. Maybe I’ll bring some next time,” Taehyung winked at you.

“Funny.”

“Oh, so there aren’t any strings attached?” Jiyeon peered at the both of you, as if this was some kind of breaking news that kept her on the edge of her seat. You desperately wanted to escape this situation—not because it was embarrassing, but because it just didn’t seem like that much of a pressing matter that your best friend needed to concern herself with.

Taehyung raised a perfect eyebrow, “We’re just friends. I can’t have a relationship with Y/N; that’s be weird.”

“There you have it, Jiyeon.” You clapped your hands together and plopped down on the floor.

“Friends that sleep together.” Jiyeon lowered her voice accusingly.

“I’m sure there’s a term for that, right, Tae?” You asked in false curiosity.

“Friends with benefits.”

“That’s the one,” you snapped, as if a light bulb blinked on above your head. “Why are you so interested, anyway?” You watched Taehyung pick up the TV remote and change the channel so some sci-fi movie that was playing, pulling a throw pillow into your lap and playing with the tassels.

“So what happens when you do get into a relationship?”

“You act like this is so complicated,” you huff, pressing the pillow flat in your lap. Taehyung had already zoned out so you were forced to explain on your own. “If either of us finds a relationship, we’re still friends. It’s not like this is a permanent engagement. Jiyeon, just chill out. I know how to handle myself.”

“I’m sure you do.” Jiyeon breathed a deep sigh, “And I hope Tae knows what he’s doing.” she grabbed the pillow she was laying on and slammed it against his chest, earning a loud ‘Oof” to her satisfaction. “I’m gonna go put these away.” Thus, Jiyeon started up again with her overdramatic groans, knowing damn well you wouldn’t help her with the chaos. A moment of silence passed and Tae gazed at the screen, as if he watching but not seeing what was actually happening. Your name left his lips quietly, and when you hummed in response, he just waved it off, saying ‘Nevermind’.

You stood up again and tapped Tae on the shoulder, “Want a drink?”

“Mmm,” Taehyung nodded, and you glanced at the television screen to see some huge alien creature in horrible computer graphics. You walked into the small kitchen and opened the refrigerator door, looking to see what the options were.

“Is lemonade okay with you, or did you want water?”

“Soju?”

“In the morning, Tae, really?” You looked through the fridge, checking even the doors and the drawers in case Jiyeon had hidden some for later. “We’re out.” You called back apologetically. But that didn’t rain on Tae’s parade. He stood and switched off the television, walking towards the door. When he swung it open, he stopped and waited. You blinked, confused.

“Well, are you coming?”

“I…” You weren’t exactly sure what to say.

“Let’s go pick up some drinks. Your fridge isn’t going to stock itself… Unless, you’ve got some secret restocking power and you just refuse to let me live a little.”

“You’re ridiculous,” you crack a smile. “But okay. Let me just go get changed.”

“What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?” Taehyung crossed his arms across his chest, “Dick-Me-Down shorts and a hoodie, my favorite ensemble on a girl. Besides nothing.”

“Ha-ha,” you laughed sarcastically. “These shorts aren’t even short,” you hummed, retreating to your bedroom to pull on a pair of jeans. After, you followed Tae down to the lobby where he led the way to the nearest liquor corner store, the brisk morning breeze keeping your bodies huddled together for just a little bit of warmth. The trip was nothing special, just a quick run, but once you’d bought the cases, Tae suggested stopping to eat. After a short wait, he brought out a tray of scones and two cups of tea. He set one before you before sipping his own. You expressed your thanks, taking a scone up and biting into it, but you couldn’t help but notice how Tae’s eyebrows furrowed together. He had been rather quiet today besides some random outbursts.

“So…”

You glanced up at Taehyung who had finally set his empty cup down. “What’s up?”

“Actually, I came this morning to tell you about our relationship.” You could tell where this was going, but you smiled. Really big. “I found someone.”

“You met a girl,” you squealed in the same moment he said  ‘I found someone’. “Who is she, what’s she like? Did you…”

Taehyung blew a sigh of relief and grinned. “I met her at the diner the other day; I’m just trying to court her right now. I wanted to tell you, so things wouldn’t get messy but then Jiyeon…”

“No, I totally understand, Tae. I guess that’s why you’ve been acting kinda… out of it? I don’t know, you’re weird. And not your usual fun weird. Just dazed.”

“I think I like her. Like actually wanna settle down, like her.”

“Not just dial her and shimmy her out of her dick-me-down shorts?” Taehyung frowned at that. “I’m joking.” You rose your palms for emphasis. “So, what’s your next step?”

“Next step?”

“Did you get her number? Ask her out.”

“I did, but…”

“Where’s the confident Taehyung I ran into? Stop acting like such a wuss, go get her, tiger!” Taehyung blushed slightly, and he pinched his own cheeks, embarrassed.

“Then, I’ll invite her to the frat party tonight. I was just going to take you, but…”

“Don’t worry about me, Tae. I might just show up for the free booze, though.”

“And be my wing-woman?”

“I’ll think about it,” you smirked. And so, you listened to Taehyung spiel about this new girl. In a way, you were more than happy for him. It seemed like things were finally beginning to work out for you. Jungkook didn’t turn out to hate you, you finally finished that dreaded project, and you weren’t sexually frustrated. As much.

In just hours, you found yourself staring at your reflection in the mirror, clad in only the new lingerie Jiyeon had forced on you. Jiyeon lay across your bed, flipping through a beauty magazine.

“Why don’t I have anything to wear,” you groaned.

“Liar,” Jiyeon mumbled from where she lay. She glanced at you with a pointed look, making a point of the mountain of clothes you’d strewn across the room. “Why don’t you just wear that dress you bought for your devil costume last year?”

“The red one?”

“Yeah. Red will make you pop if you’re trying to catch a certain someone’s eye.” Jiyeon flipped a page. “It’s sexy and silky, and maybe he’ll get a peek of the lace bra at the neckline.”

“Isn’t that a bit much?”

“Maybe. Depends on the perspective,” Jiyeon sat up and crossed her legs under her. “Why are you so worried?”

“I... “ You couldn’t answer that, so you shut your mouth. You closed your eyes and thought about it—maybe that dress was your last chance. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to feel sexy for the night; even if you were trying to convince yourself that you weren’t dressing up to play into the hands of a certain person. You pulled out the trunk of clothes in your closet and dug through it until you felt the silk material in your hands, a blood red color that stood out against your skin tone. With a bit of extra effort, holding your breath for record time, you were able to slip on the dress. You gazed at your reflection again.

“Looks good,” you whispered to yourself before peeking at the time. The party should have started by now. You quickly did your makeup and pulled on the killer black stilettos before waving goodbye to Jiyeon and scrambling to the frat house across campus. Music bumped loudly in the distance, but it wasn’t too unreasonable. You entered the house having to squeeze past sweaty bodies, and while you’d been wondering if you should go back to grab a jacket, the very thought had been abandoned once you made it inside. It was humid inside.

The first person you recognized was Yoongi, sitting in a corner with some other people you didn’t know with a blunt rolled between his fingers and a red solo cup in the other. He was obviously not very coherent. You glanced around to see if you could find anyone else.

An arm suddenly flew across your shoulders, “Hey.” You looked up to see a stranger, his eyes wandering a bit too low. But in a way, it was your fault. You gave him a small smile and pushed him away gently.

“I’m here with someone.” You had to yell in order for the dude to hear, and he leaned in close in order to reply. You couldn’t help but get just a little annoyed; why not just leave it at that?

“Oh, are you? Is this someone a guy?” His eyes narrowed, as is suspecting you of something.

“Yeah, that guy would be me. Piss off, Seoeon,” you were relieved to see Seokjin at your side. The guy named Seoeon gruffly sighed before pushing past your brother and disappearing into the crowd. “You have to be more firm, Y/N,” Jin squeezed your shoulder protectively. “I know you’re an adult, but I’m still your big bro.”

“Yeah, and fifty years from now when we’re old and pruned up like raisins, you’ll still be my elder brother, Jin.” You rolled your eyes but appreciated the sentiment. “Where’s Ju--Taehyung? He invited me and asked me to be his wingwoman,” you tried to escape your little mistake by justifying your presence.

“Well, Jungkook,” Jin emphasized the name, “Is upstairs setting up a game of Spin the Bottle as per my request. Tae is chatting up some girl in the kitchen. If I may offer a bit of advice to the wingwoman?”

“Spit it out.”

“Tell Tae to bring his lady friend to play spin the bottle. I know a way for him to get his way.” You nodded. If Jin could help out his frat brother, maybe he could help you out, too. But at that point, you had become too embarrassed to say it out loud and he had already made his ascent upstairs to help Jungkook and assumedly rig the bottle. You pushed past more couples and broke your way into the kitchen, seeing Taehyung grin brightly at a pretty girl. She was petite, and appeared to be really shy from the way she covered her mouth everytime Taehyung elicited a laugh from her. But it was cute, even you could admit it. You walked up to the two, reaching between them to grab a vodka bottle.

“Hey, Tae, who’s your lady friend?” You moved to your friends side and smiled at the girl, who awkwardly gazed up at you.

“This is Somin,” Taehyung smiled warmly at her. “Somin, this is my friend, Y/N; she’s Seokjin’s sister.”

“Nice to meet you,” you offered a hand that she shyly accepted. As shy as she was, she seemed to warm up quickly.

“Why don’t we move this party upstairs?” You caught Somin’s attention and slyly winked at Taehyung. “I heard there’s a game going on up there, so why don’t we grab some bottles and head up. Probably better than just standing around.”

“Sounds good. How about it?” Taehyung egged her on, and in the end, she agreed. You led the way upstairs and walked in through the only open door to find a circle of people crowding a soju bottle. Your eyes automatically found Jungkook, who was more focused on cheering for some couple to hurry up and kiss already.

“Oh! Look who’s here.” Jin stood from the circle. “Why don’t we switch up the game?” The girl who had been hesitant to initiate the kiss sat back and looked away, clearly saved from the situation.

“What?” Jungkook’s voice alone was already making you squirm.

“7 Minutes in Heaven. Does that sound alright?” The circle of people began to ‘whoop’ in excitement, but Jungkook just sat there, probably suscpisious of the sudden change. “Are you playing, Y/n?”

“No, I don’t think so,” you said, just because Jin was a part of the circle. Although you could remember he was able to rig the game.

“Don’t be a killjoy,” someone yelped, and another voice joined in.

“Afraid of meeting a bad kisser?”

“Think you’re too hot, hot stuff?”

You rolled your eyes at what you were hearing. It was a pretty big circle so you wondered is Jin would really be able to pull it off.

“I’m not playing this round; I’ll just be timekeeper.” That drew a small ‘aw’. “Tae, sit here.” Jin moved away slightly, instructing Somin where to sit. You noticed he dropped something behind her, and before you knew it, you were watching the small story unfold. Since Somin was a new face and had just sat down—or at least that was the reasoning they used—she spun first. The first time, it landed on herself.

“Does that mean I have seven minutes to myself,” she joked.

“Funny,” Jungkook laughed beside her. “Spin again.” You felt something bubble in the pit of your belly. What if it landed on him? You closed your eyes and breathed. It probably wouldn’t. Right? Jin seemed confident enough.

Somin spun the bottle again, and the crowd ‘ooh’ed. Tae.

“Okay, okay, into the closet.” Jin was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Time starts...Now.” He pressed a button on his phone before leaning against the closet door. “Let’s do a round of shots in the meantime. Vodka?”

“I’ll pour,” a stranger placed some shot glasses on the floor before him, filling them up. When he finished passing them around the circle, he raised a glass for you. You took it and threw it back easily, your eyes wandering towards Jungkook. He was engaged in conversation with a few different people in the circle. You observed his actions. You hadn’t spoken a word to him since the day he’d kissed you on the bench, but you were sure there were no feelings of hostility left over.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Jin knocked on the door and waited for a moment before opening it to reveal a disheveled couple with bruised and swollen lips. You almost laughed at how dazed Taehyung looked, his eyes glossed over as if he could cry from joy. Had he fallen so hard so quickly?

“We’re gonna go,” Somin announced boldy, a hue of pink spreading across her cheeks. You smiled just faintly. Things had obviously gone well.

“One more round then?” Jin held up his phone to show he was restarting the timer. “Hey, live a little, Y/N. It probably won’t even land on you.” What a weirdo, you thought. How could your brother be encouraging this? Nevertheless, you sat down on the floor in Taehyung’s previous spot and watched as someone stepped up to spin the bottle. Although Jin had proclaimed one round, he ended leaving in the midst of that first seven minutes, leaving you to just watch the stories unfold.

Then it was your turn. Everyone’s gaze landed on you, waiting in anticipation of who the bottle would land on. Was it too late to back out? If it landed on Jungkook, would it still be Seven Minutes in Heaven, or would it turn into some altered reality of Hell? What if it wasn’t Jungkook? You squeezed your eyes shut and blew through your lips, nervous. Live a little. But the thought still rang in your head; the bottle hadn’t landed on Jungkook at all since the game had started. You grasped the bottle firmly, preparing to turn it.

“We don’t have all night,” a girl mumbled, and you nodded, spinning the object. It spun a little off course but landed the same, in between a random girl and a boy who obviously was a bit too excited.

“Let’s go.”

“I’ll do it.” Jungkook caught the room’s attention.

“What?”

“When Seokjin isn’t here, I’m supposed to make sure she doesn’t end up in some dude’s bed. She’s drunk so I’m sure this won’t end well; let’s go, man.”

“No, what the hell?” The dude stood from his seat and approached you, taking hold of your wrist. “Closet. Now.”

“Aren’t you a bit too excited? It’s just a game.” Jungkook was provoking him. The stranger’s eyes locked on Jungkook with menace and he almost threw your hand down.

“Something wrong with having a little fun in a game? I’m just going by the rules, Jeon.” The stranger stomped over to Jungkook and bunched up the front of Jungkook’s shirt in his fist. You furrowed your eyebrows, worried. Jungkook smirked and leaned in, whispering something into his ears. After a few moments of silence, the crowd trying to string together what he was saying, the overly-excited stranger started up a storm of curses and left the room.

“So spin?” The same girl from before said.

“Go ahead,” Jungkook stood and approached you, offering a hand. You avoided eye contact, feeling too embarrassed. “Come on.” You took his hand. Jungkook led you down the hall to his room, closing the door behind you both.

“Shouldn’t we go back to the party?” You fidgeted with the hem of your dress, suddenly aware once again of what you had opted into wearing.

“So more guys can hit on you?”

“There was only one,” you thought back to when you had just arrived. “Maybe I should just go home.”

“You could,” Jungkook nodded, not facing you. “If you really want to.” You heard his tone change, almost mockingly. When you didn’t say anything, he peeked at you from over his shoulder and licked his lips, contemplating what to say. “Do you want a drink?”

“Uh,” you paused. Maybe you should leave, but at this point, you really didn’t want to. You nodded and allowed Jungkook to reach into the top of his closet and pull out a bottle of rum.

“Truth or dare?” Jungkook sat on the bed next to you, leaning against the wall to face you straight. When you didn’t object, he added, “Take a sip after each question. Maybe you’ll be forced to choose dare.” You rolled your eyes. “So, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” you answered.

“How many boyfriends have you had?” He studied your face curiously, as if trying to pick up the honesty.

“Three,” and he took a sip of the rum and passed you the bottle. You smiled, “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” your eyes widened, a bit shocked. You had expected him to start with dare, but you were pleased with this route anyway.

“Why did you really stop that guy?”

“Which one,” Jungkook leaned forward and forced you to help him take another swig of the golden liquid. You gave him a pointed look and he chuckled, “You wouldn’t want to kiss him. You’d much rather kiss me.”

“That’s your answer?” When Jungkook nodded, you took your swig. It went back and forth like that, an occasional dare here and there, but soon enough, the alcohol took its effect. You ended up closer to Jungkook than you’d originally been. Your hands reached up to cradle his face, your palms cold against the warmth of his cheeks. Without realizing, your thumb brushed across his lips.

“I think you need lip balm,” you laughed, your head falling to his chest. “Your lips are dry.”

“So?” You glanced up to see him raising a perfect eyebrow, unconcerned with this new information.

“I’ll fix it.” You reached into your purse and pulled out the little container.

“I don’t want it,” Jungkook shielded his lips. You moved closer, squeezing some onto the tip of your finger to put on his lips. “Y/N, no.” Jungkook’s voice dropped dangerously low and you stopped all movement.

“Fine.” You smeared the balm across your lips and slumped. When he visibly calmed down, you launched yourself at Jungkook, causing the both of you to roll across the bed and fall to the floor. You fell on top of him, his body softening the blow quite a lot.

“Fuck,” Jungkook winced in pain, rubbing his head. You peered down at him. “What are you doing?” He turned his head to look at you, and you took it as an opening. You lowered yourself in order to press your lips to his, and he immediately kissed you back. You could taste the rum as his lips moved fluidly against yours. Your body grew warmer and when your hand slipped under his shirt to outline his stomach, he pulled away, his deep eyes peering into you.

“Not on the floor,” he whispered, helping you to get situated on his bed. And he was right; the bed was much more comfortable. He pulled himself up and climbed on top of you, almost admiring you from where he was. Jungkook kissed you again, this time with a sort of hunger eating him up. His hands moved to caress your breast and you felt your body burn with desire. His lips were so warm and so soft; you were wrapped in the thought that nothing existed besides just the two of you. The loud music in the background faded and you could only focus on his every touch.

He kissed down your cheek and collarbone before you mustered the courage to pull his shirt up, your hands shaking with excitement. When you couldn’t pull it off with one tug, he helped you and threw it into a far corner. He was encouraging you. And while you were sure the alcohol had made you just a little bit more bold, you would have wanted it all the same sober. Your hands flew to his pants, unzipping the fly and exposing his boxers. You didn’t know exactly when, but your dress had been hitched up and your panties had been removed, somewhere forgotten.

You felt your pussy sleek with wetness.

You pressed your lips to Jungkook’s chest and kissed down until you reached his clothed dick, growing hard with each passing moment. You hooked your fingers into the waistband of his boxers and yanked it down, beholding the glory of his dick. The very thought of worshipping his cock made you keel over and move down to better satisfy him and yourself. You began by kissing the tip, and when he twitched, you had to hold his cock steady.

“Fuck,” Jungkook groaned, his body producing a sheen of sweat. He was bare before you. You took him into your mouth; he was fully on hard now. You savored the way he tasted and the way he felt on your tongue. You hummed, feeling a state of euphoria while your mouth hollowed around his cock. Jungkook arched into your mouth, the tip hitting the back of your throat. You lick a stripe down the length, pausing to suck at the balls before pressing a thumb against the slit as you stared at him. His eyes squeezed shut, and when he realized you hadn’t moved, he brushes the hair away from your face to better see the blush fanning your face.

“Please,” he whimpered, and his state of being ignited something in you. Normally, Jungkook was the one who had you begging and whining, but now he was a shaking mess in front of you. He tried to grasp his dick in his own hands but you moved him away, lapping up the precum forming. You jerk him steadily, and when you felt the tension in his body begin to release, you stopped, watching him wind down before starting up a whole round. You took pleasure in watching him come so close to releasing before being forced to try and finish himself off. His eyes tear up and you smile innocently at him.

It’s playtime.

You love the feeling of feeling him quiver and shake as you reduce him to nothing with just your mouth. While he obviously dwarfed you with his height and usually forced you to realize that he had some sort of power over you, you took great pleasure in seeing how he seemed so much easier to control with his cock before you. Seeing him destroyed and begging sends a thrill up your spine and excitement to your gut.

“Stop,” Jungkook suddenly yelled out, “Stop teasing me.” Your head bobbed on his cock, deeper and deeper to the point where you knew eventually you’d have a sore throat, but it didn’t matter. You grip his thighs, feeling your head spin in pleasure. You begin to get too wrapped up in yourself, just wanting to feel him in your mouth, and he takes advantage of that. Jungkook moves so you have better access, his whimpering coming to a slow but sure stop as he just breathes heavily. When you start to come up, he simply forces your head down again, basking in your muffled moans. While you gently scrape the skin of his cock, he jerks his hips up, driving his cock down your throat. You gag, but its a moment of pure pleasure.

He removes himself to give you a breather, but you were too entranced with the thought of his cock. You didn’t just want him in your mouth anymore. “Fuck me,” you finally whispered after a few moments of just staring. Without hesitation, Jungkook pushed you back onto the bed and climbed on top of you, hitching the dress higher up your body until your stomach was bared to him. He slipped a hand under the silk and pinched a nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger.

“No bra?”

“Not with this dress,” you reply breathily. His body pressed against yours and you felt his cock on your inner thigh, still slick with your saliva. He paused to roll a condom onto the head of his cock, kissing butterflies across your jawline. Jungkook leaned down to press a kiss on your collarbone before positioning himself just right and rocking into you with a single powerful thrust. The action knocked the wind out of you, your head bumping into the headboard just barely.

“Sorry,” he whispered, placing a pillow for you. You shook your head, your hands clinging to him and nails digging into his back without caring if it left a mark.

“Again.” You thought you saw the faintest of a smug smile as Jungkook reeled himself for another stroke, pounding into you. Each thrust was more powerful than the last, and you didn’t know if you were actually beginning to see stars.

You felt soreness between your legs. You blinked the sleep away and took in your surroundings. Your body was incredibly warm. You looked over your shoulder to see Jungkook’s body pressed to your back. He looked so peaceful. It was hard to believe he was quivering beneath you just hours earlier.

A wave of embarrassment washed over you and you felt the need to go to the bathroom. When you tried to get up, Jungkook’s hold on you tightened. His hot breath fanned your neck, causing you to erupt into goosebumps. You felt your core tighten.

“You’re warm. Don’t leave.”

His voice was husky; raspy from his state of sleep. You couldn’t help the moan that escaped your lips, and even more so when his cock grew against the curve of your ass. “Mmm,” he hummed, pulling you closer to him. “Round Two?”

[the-killingbreadmachine]

Goodbye Junior Year.

My mother is making ramen for me right now, while I hack out my emotions since it’s been awhile, and I’ve been in a whirlwind of things that have kept me away. 

I think the past two hours I have been over come by so many different emotions. Just two hours thirty minutes ago, my chest was heavy and it hurt. The semester was about to close with ten minutes left. And one of my group projects had just put things together and turned it in to the drive folder. We were getting there...

And we submitted it at 11:58pm, with two minutes to spare. final checks. yes. we were done. At then the clock turned midnight. Hello May 25th.

And the feeling, I can’t quite describe but its the feeling of everything from this semester, or this year just coming to a close. 

So as I continue to type and to reflect, I only ask that if you keep reading you 

(1) Give me the chance to explain myself. These are many of my raw emotions. And I don’t type them out to brag, or to gloat over -- I’m more surprised over anything.

(2) Don’t get too concerned. And again, I’m not trying to pre-suppose your feelings or thoughts. I type this out because I’m okay now. I’m at a good place, and sometimes it takes looking back to see how far I’ve actually come and it’s been a really long time since I’ve sat down and thought about the past. 

Thank you friends. 

Back to that feeling. It still lingers even as it turns 2:35am. Maybe it’s like closure to a bad break up, but all that pain and all that stress and burden and unhealthy habits and everything. It’s come to an end. And somehow I made it.

I really quite amazed I’m alive right now. Because so many nights I’ve been scared of myself or the thoughts in my head. I just wanted to quit. Whatever that meant, I never entertained the idea. I didn’t want to. But over the course of this semester I have lost so much motivation to live. There’s a tint of depression somewhere there, but now and then I retract from saying so. I don’t wan’t to be depressed. I don’t want to be another anxious college student. But the reality was I’d sleep for 14+ hours, and wake up, lie in my bed wishing the day would be over, yet feeling crushed by everything. I had meetings, classes, work, projects to attend and responsibilities. But I could barely think ahead as to what I would do even if I managed to sit up. It’d be easier to just let everything fall. Reminds me of the story of Samson -- I felt like I was holding those two pillars up, and at any time, or any trigger I would just die with all of my problems. And for some strange reason, that sounded so peaceful and so easy. And it’s been so long since I’ve had peace or I’ve had easy. 

So this is where I want to thank those who have been around. Thank you to those who would stay up weird hours with me, or would eat dinner with me around 9pm, because those were some of my moments where I tried to live where I was searching for something, and I guess it was those moments that kept me alive.

Thank you for being forgiving when I would flake. Thank you for not giving me a hard time when I’d miss board game nights. Thanks for letting me sleep over some times when I didn’t want to be alone. Or staying up with me because I didn’t want to be alone. Thank you for feeding me, for driving me places. Thank you for helping me with projects, or with home works, for solving simple matters for me. Thank you doing things so willingly when I’d ask for help. Thank you for understanding my tiredness, and my messes. Thank you for picking up the phone when I’d be paralyzed by anxiety in the car, or in my apartment. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for keeping me alive. 

Because just in this moment, I actually feel like a person. And I can feel some life in me. Yes, I still have to go to work in a few hours, and there are several emails to send and errands to run and people to meet, but at this moment. God is so good to give me this moment. To remind me of what love He’s shown by the people around me and those who care for me. 

This has been the roughest school year. I had worked summer 2016, and then started the semester with a hurting heart accumulated from several different instances. For this semester I had to adapt to new things -- working a job, being a TA, running a hackathon, cooking for myself. This meant 10hrs working, 10hrs TA-ing, 10hrs of meetings for hackathon/scholars program. and several hours trying to sleep, be a student and take care of myself. My grades dropped, I’d lose weight, work off of 1 meal a day and I’d average maybe around 5 hours of sleep per night. All on top of that I’d be interviewing or phone screening or sending emails with some company every week looking for an internship. That’s not right. Come winter break, I have a week for the holidays and then I flew out on December 26th to HK to start working at HKU. Helped out in their Teaching and e-Learning tools Dept. unit and I really enjoyed the work I was doing there, and being close to family. It was difficult being far from home and far from people, but it was a nice half break. I came to second semester missing the first week, and who knew that you’d already be behind after one week. There was so much work to catch up on. I made a horrible, terrible mistake of taking four computer science. I don’t care who you are, or how many times you’ve done it. but taking four is not wise. it is foolish. it is a mistake. and if you come to me thinking to take four. I’d think you are foolish to waste a semester so. and having chosen this schedule for myself, I had no reason to complain when it got tough. Or that was my mentality. I’m not too sure what to say when people tell me their workload, I don’t want to compare myself with what they have, and I had so little energy even to get through my own needs like cooking or showering, that I really couldn’t comfort myself or others much. So I told myself I wouldn’t tell people of the work I had to do. And yea I probably have said it a couple times, but I tried to not get into details. I’d find ways to figure it out, or would just manage. But it got rough maybe the second or third week into the semester having lost a family member. It was the first time I’d have to deal with loss, and being alone in Maryland when it happened made it difficult. And from there everything assignment was a clutch, or a desperate grab to keep hanging on. Each morning or meeting was tiring. I could tell my memory was fading, my performance was lacking and in so many ways I lost out on this semester. 4 out of my 5 classes were group projects. Each of which had a different dynamic. And having to spread myself across for my five classes, the hackathon, and work I could not play a dutiful part in these groups which made me feel guilty, and incapable which came back only to bring me down. 

So when midnight came. All of that ^ came to an end, and I felt it come off my shoulders and my chest. and the feeling was bliss. I cried so hard. I was shaking from this strange feeling of relief. My mom held me as I bawled because this semester could’ve killed me and now it’s gone. And when I got home, I cried some more. When I saw my dad I cried again. and as I’m typing this tears are rolling down. because I can actually breathe. Even though I have work in about 10 hours. I can breathe, cos I’ve done my best and it’s passed.

I think I can say I honestly have learned more about myself. I know better now. I know to take it light. If anything, I need to find more time to enjoy life in the present. Why rush? I’ve missed so much at the speed I was going, and it killed me. You realize things keep moving on, and you have the ultimate deciding factor of what you get yourself into. If you get caught up in doing things to maybe graduate early, or to look impressive, or to be so well accomplished, you miss out on things that you want to do, or things that are more meaningful.  

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1k83G76gWzwM1djYVNDRkRDY1E/view