#i have a daily routine in class bc routines help students a lot

[minicy]

[ID. Tweet says, "Does anyone else with ADHD... not seem to form habits? The self help literature always says habits become second nature - "you don't have to remind yourself to brush your teeth, right?" But brushing my teeth isn't automatic, it's a task I have to remember and choose every night." End ID.]

yep.

[theepisceswriter]

Can you do a hot scene with Erwin and Zeke x f!reader with daddy kink, both of the men have a *thing* for her bc she’s such a smarty brat/ a tease. They should’ve be pissed at her but she’s way too playful🤑🤫 I leave the rest to your imagination, love your writing <33 anything you wanna add or change feel free to do it 🤍🥺

Bestie....you fr did something with this request right here. Ily for this and I’m so glad you enjoy my writing, I hope you enjoy this little Drabble!

Synopsis: Set in a modern AU, professor!Erwin and his teacher assistant!Zeke both have the hots for one of their students and decide to invite her over for dinner one night so they can all release their shared tension.

TW: Mature things obviously, fembodied!reader (she/her pronouns), face fucking, oral (fem recieving), degradation, daddy kink, teacher/student, threesome, 18+, MINORS DNI! (these are for the drabble underneath the read more)

Word Count: Google docs was trippin so I wasn’t able to get the word count, but just know it’s a 2k+ mini drabble underneath the readmore 

Headcanons

Let me set the scene for you; Erwin is a professor at your college, teaching a small world history evening class and Zeke is his TA basically, acting as a teacher himself sometimes but mostly doing things like helping grade papers, helping students with their work, or working as Erwin’s fulltime assistant. Needless to say, you interact with the two of them on a daily basis quite a lot and it’s no secret to the other students that you’re most definitely their favorite, taking most of their attention away from everyone else. But they could care less, they’re not as passionate about the class or as eager to learn like you; another factor that drew Erwin and Zeke to you. 

You’re a confident, strong book-savvy student who’s always ready to debate and bicker someone, snarky remarks leaving your mouth in an instant, and Zeke and Erwin always end up being the victim of those. Bickers and debates over information lasting the whole class session almost, either you winning and leaving them red in the face or them winning with a smug expression on their features and you storming out the classroom in annoyance. You all meet each other’s energy so well that you can’t help but clash from time to time, but the three of you do get along pretty well. Many times you’ve found yourself lingering after class to talk with them about everything and nothing like you’re all just good friends catching up. Your bond is definitely an interesting one.

It’s after one of these routine after-class talks that they invite you over formally for once, a dinner at Zeke’s house with Erwin and how could you possibly say no to that? A chance to be alone with your hot history teacher and his sexy teacher assistant.

You didn’t expect to be this nervous as you walked down the corridor leading to Zeke’s apartment yet here you were, fingers fidgeting with the rings on your fingers and your toes awkwardly rubbing against each other the closer you got. All the confidence that made your hips swing from left to right as you entered the classroom like you owned the whole school, the usual overtly confident y/n that they were used to was dwindling down into a nervous wreck. But you couldn’t let them see that, let them know the effect that they had on you, so you swallowed those anxious feelings as if they would be digested by your stomach and let a look of smugness take over your features as you made your way up to the door. Your hand ghosted over the cold wood, curling your fingers into a fist ready to knock but before you could even make contact with the door it was swinging open, greeting you with the sight of a smirking Zeke. He wore slacks with a beige plaid pattern going over them, a creme-colored shirt to match the brown of his pants, and an elongated dark brown coat that brought out the lightness of his round glasses perfectly. 

“You look very nice tonight,” You complimented him for once as you made your way inside the apartment, “Finally you don’t look like a caveman for once.” The joke didn’t go over his head at all, him choosing only to acknowledge it with a dry chuckle. “Good evening to you too Ms. /l/n, You look mighty fine yourself.”

It was then that your confidence came rushing back to you as you remembered the outfit that adorned your body. It was a simple silky champagne pink bodycon dress with a corset-like top, but on you, it fit like a supermodel. The dress hugging every curve and dip on your body and showing off a little more cleavage than expected, your nipples even poking out through the thin fabric, but you couldn’t have picked out an outfit more perfect for this night. The constant glances Zeke took unremorsefully at where the dress stopped at the high of your thighs let you know that it was a great choice. Lips curling up into a smile as you thanked him. 

 “Where’s Professor Smith?”

“Just over here in the kitchen, follow me.”

Is this where being a teacher assistant got Zeke? You couldn’t help but admire the decor and set up of his home as he led you through the hallway and living room to the kitchen where Erwin was standing with his back faced to the two of you, broad shoulders contracting and going back to their original form with every shake of the pan in front of him. He was cooking? That’s something you definitely didn’t expect to see, thinking they’d opt-out for takeout for the night, but it just made the night feel more genuine than it already was.

“I thought I had heard you come in, y/n.” Erwin’s rich and smooth voice infiltrated your ears bringing you out of your thoughts. The same smile on your lips from when you thanked Zeke for his compliment earlier. “And please, leave Professor Smith for school. Call me Erwin.” 

“Erwin.” You repeated with a nod, butterflies erupting in your stomach and your cheeks warming up from the wink that followed after his words. “I’m surprised to see you cooking. I was sure you two would have takeout ready on the table when I came. Probably something cheap too like Chili’s.’ You jabbed at them, taking your place at the table while Zeke situated himself against the arch of the opening of the kitchen. Most people would’ve been offended by such a remark, hurt even, but they were so used to your snarkiness that all they could do was chuckle in return.

“Chili’s? No, Mcdonald’s would’ve been more fitting for you.” Zeke messed with you back, warranting your tongue to stick out at him in a childish manner.

“Calm down children,” Erwin joins in on the teasing as he makes his way to the table with three steaks and bowls filled with sides in his other arm, Zeke going over to help him. Dinner wasn’t too eventful, but it was enjoyable. Most of the time wasted away with the three of you talking about various topics the conversation swayed towards like how you usually did. 

The three of you had decided to relocate to the living room after finishing dinner, now washing it down with a glass of wine as you three sat down silently enjoying each other’s company. But silence wasn’t your forte, so it didn’t take long at all for you to move from your position between them on the couch. Both of their eyebrows raised in confusion as they watched you search around the small area looking for whatever it was you were looking for, not knowing what to expect since you were, well, you after all. 

“Found it!” You announced in a sing-song voice as you shimmied your way over the vintage phonograph vinyl player sitting in the middle of Zeke’s living room that must’ve cost him a fortune. And if it didn’t then the extensive rack of vinyl records sitting next to it definitely did. You squatted down so you were face to face with the rack and if you weren’t facing the other direction you would’ve saw the way both of their eyes immediately traveled down to your ass in the squatting position you were in before blue eyes met brown ones, a silent nod signifying confirmation of some sort between the two. 

Any genre or artist you could think of occupied the shelves, your finger skimming over each and every one until you found one that you craved to hear. Soon the soft melodies of the instruments on the smooth jazz record infiltrated the living room, your body contorting and twisting in a sensual way with each beat that hit your ears. The closing of your eyes really showing how into it you were, arms wrapping around your own body like the two men weren’t watching from not too far away as you put on a show like you were in the comfort of your own room. What a tease, the two men thought to themselves, shifting and manspreading to try and soothe the uncomfortable ache between your legs that you were causing. You knew exactly what you were doing because this wasn’t the first time at all that you had done it. Plenty of times you showed up to class with a shirt on that revealed just a little too much or a skirt that practically put your whole lower body on display, legs spreading purposefully whenever you saw one of their eyes travel to the underside of your opened desk. You did everything in your power to make them succumb to their--no, your desires but it wasn’t until now that they let themselves be selfish.

Zeke was the first one to move from his position on the couch to make his way over to you, calloused hands grabbing at your sides and pulling you closer to his torso as he began to sway along with you, hands moving from your hips and letting them explore the surrounding skin before cheekily slapping your ass and earning a small yelp out of you. Erwin simply watched from the couch, for the time being, still sipping on his wine waiting on his opportunity to slip himself in. 

“I figured this would happen eventually,” Zeke finally spoke up, “I just imagined something a lot less sensual; you bent over the desk in the classroom or something.” 

Before you could counter his words with a sassy remark he moved his lips against yours, gently letting them ghost over yours for a second or two and even going as far as teasing you by rubbing them against yours before he finally indulged you with a kiss. The taste of wine and savoriness from dinner still lingering on both of your tongues as you deepened the kiss. Swirling your tongue around in a way that had precum dripping from the tip of his cock as he thought about how good it might feel if it was there instead, slurping the opaque liquid up. As much as you wanted to keep kissing him and let your tongues explore each other he decided that it was time to pull away, trailing kisses from the corner of your mouth to your neck where he gently let his teeth graze over the sensitive flesh, warranting a gentle moan from you.

It was like music to his ears and immediately he decided that he wanted to pull more from your plush lips, letting his kisses trail farther down until his lips were over one of your nipples protruding from the silk fabric, swirling his tongue around the sensitive nub at a painstakingly slow pace that made you want to shove him away from you completely for denying you pleasure.

“No bra on? What a lewd thing to do, but I wouldn’t expect anything like from someone like you.” He murmured against the fabric.

“Someone like me? What’s that supposed to mean?” You questioned, still a bite to your tone like earlier.

“A slut.” Erwin answered for him and it wasn’t until now that you noticed his presence from behind you, chiseled chest pressed up against your back and his breath fanning across your neck distracting you from the hand he brought up to rest at the nape at it. His other hand going down to scrunch your dress up around your waist. Revealing your lacy underwear to their doting eyes and especially to Zeke who was now dropping down to his knees in front of you. “She’s soaking fucking wet. Her panties are dripping with wetness.” 

“You think we didn’t notice all your advances? All the times you traded your integrity just to get our attention like the bad girl you are, huh?” Erwin’s hand moved from the nape of your neck to the front of it, gently squeezing it with his hand and forcing you to look up at him. A chastising look on his features as he stared down at you, making you feel so little and small compared to his towering structure.

You had no words to respond to him with, too caught up in a daze in your head thinking that this couldn’t be true, that this was a dream you were going to wake up from in a couple of minutes. But it was the warmth of Zeke’s tongue prodding at your clit that brought you back to your senses, eyes widening in shock as you looked up at your professor. This was really happening.

“Hm, looks like the brat doesn’t have anything else to say.”

“I think I like her better like this anyway.” The blonde between your legs mumbles, sending a vibrational tingle up your spine and leaving your legs wobbling. He was so messy with it, tongue devouring you like you were the 2nd course on the menu tonight. You diverted your eyes down to him for a second, his staring right back up at you as he feverously worked his tongue against you. Your juices mixed with his saliva already wetting your thighs up along with his beard.

“Oh god, that f-feels so good.” You let out in a choked moan, knees daring to buckle on you and make you fall to the floor, but Erwin’s death grip around your torso stopped such from happening. Which you were also grateful, but that also meant you weren’t able to buck your hips up into Zeke’s face or swivel them the way you wanted to; taking away any sense of control you thought you had. It wasn’t too long after that you were releasing all over his beard, wetting it up as your insides clenched around nothing, desperately wanting one of their cocks to stuff you up and satisfy that craving. 

Even after your orgasm, he didn’t stop. The pace of his tongue showed no sign of stopping and just to add to the sweet torture you felt two slender fingers entering your hole, a loud moan emitting from your lips in response. “I can’t take it. Too much.” You let out in a ragged breath.

“Come on, sweetheart. You can give us one more. You can take it. You don’t have any choice matter of fact, you’re going to give us as many as we want from you. Maybe if you weren’t so bratty things would be different.” Mouth too occupied on you, all Zeke could do was hum against you in agreeance. 

“Erwin--” 

“Aht, it’s daddy or professor to you from here on out.” Oh

“Daddy,” You quickly corrected yourself with a whine, “I can’t take it anymore. M’too sensitive. I need more. I w-want you inside of me.” Luckily for you, Zeke’s tongue was getting tired from being on you and he was quick to get off of his knees at your request to Erwin. “Look at the begging slut now. You weren’t like that when you first came. Guess you really are just all bark and no bite.” He teased you, fingers going to your nipples and pinching at them. You couldn’t even reply if you wanted to because his lips were on you like earlier forcing you to taste yourself on your tongue. And to your surprise Erwin joined in as well, leaning over from behind you and inserting himself to make a 3-way kiss that had all your tongues entangled with one another’s; everyone getting a taste of you.

“Zeke go sit on the couch and let y/n return the favor.” The older man spoke up after pulling away. Everyone moving away from such close proximity of each other so you could all go to your positions over on the couch. By the time you turned around to head in that direction Zeke was already sitting on the couch with his cock free and sprung up against his stomach, twitching in your direction as he awaited your arrival. Erwin on the other hand was nowhere to be found, completely gone from your view, but you didn’t let that stop you from making your way over to the bearded mand; dropping on your knees as soon as you were in front of him. 

Your hands move to engulf his thick cock with your hands, jerking it a few times and spreading around the pre-cum that cumulated on his tip before you began to lower your head. You were getting ready to bring his tip past your lips when the feeling of two broad hands gripping the crevice between your stomach and hips stopped you abruptly, presumably Erwin behind you getting ready to do something. You went to look behind you to confirm you suspicion only to be stopped by Zeke’s hand roughly grabbing at your chin forcing you to look up at him again. 

“Nobody told you to stop or look behind you. Get back to work.” It was pathetic how much they were able to break you down in such a small amount of time because without a second thought you did exactly what he told you to do, slipping his cock past your lips and gently sucking on it while simultaneously running your tongue over the flushed tip. “And here I was thinking your mouth was only good for arguing.” He groaned out, earning a chuckle from the other man behind you. 

Without the slightest bit of warning, Erwin is sliding his cock into you from behind, the mixture of Zeke’s saliva and your cum acting as a natural lubricant; allowing him to slip in and out of you as he pleased at a pace that made it so you were gagging on cock without hardly moving your head. Your hips also smacking against your professor’s without even moving them. It was like you were their personal sex toy and no longer one of their students, but this wasn’t even the beginning of it. They were nowhere near done with you. 

[cno-inbminor]

a/n: drabble dump for our boy kuroo -- i love him loads and think about him endlessly. i also apologize beforehand for the awkward ending bc i’m terrible at ending things. hope you all enjoy! gonna go knock back a melatonin and sleep my wooziness away

w/c: ~2.4k; some angst, fluff, mentions of alcohol

you’re avoiding tetsurou, and he’s keen on figuring out why. college!au, friends to lovers.

“you’re not as slick as you think, y’know.”

instantly, a shiver creeps up your spine, electrifying you in quick, tiny bursts. those eight, nine words were more than enough to let you know who was standing behind you, peering over your shoulder in an effort to catch your gaze. his voice made your heart clench and lungs fight for oxygen – you begin to curse the high, intellectual level of tetsurou’s observational skills. you just wanted to make it another day without seeing his face outside of class, opting more for longer walks and just looking back to see the back of his stylishly mussed hair in the far distance. it frustrates you how much you’ve used the word ‘infuriating’ when it comes to him, but there’s no other better word you can think of without having to consult the thesaurus.

you have a few seconds to dart your eyes around, desperately searching for a way to escape. your productivity typically thrives within the library, but he’s always there, so with lots of pleading and promises of baked goods and decent coffee, you were able to borrow a close friend’s ID, a graduate student, and access the graduate resource room in a less traveled hallway. and in the expanse of that area, you’ve tucked yourself away into the back corner behind some shelves where almost no one visits. but it leaves you cornered and vulnerable – no matter which direction, in combination with his long legs, tetsurou would catch up to you in a heartbeat. you thought you had finally found a way to permanently escape his grasp, but apparently not.

much like you, he’s not supposed to be able to access this area. after all, you’re both senior undergrads so –

“how did you get in here?” you quietly hiss. you’re pretty sure you’d be booted out if you made any sound above 15 decibels, and you’re not about to let tetsurou ruin this haven for you.

there’s a rustle of clothing, a hand that rests on the back of your seat, and the hairs on the nape of your neck spike, before a delicate whisper informs, “you’re not the only one with grad student friends, love.”

if you weren’t so focused on keeping yourself rigid, body absolutely understanding of the effect that this man has on you, you definitely would’ve shivered from the proximity. but the gentleness in his tone sends you back to three weeks ago – you’re no longer under a fluorescent light tucked between cream-colored walls, but rather basked in a somewhat garish hue of crimson. your veins were tinged with alcohol, the substance leaving you feeling like you were on clouds, a silly smile breaking across your face uncontrollably. other bodies surrounded you but the only one you were focused on was the one in front of you, following your swaying movements to the beat of the music coming through someone’s speakers. even in the warmth of the house, tetsurou’s hands on your waist seared your skin, branding the feeling on you for eternity. his eyes twinkled with apparent affection, unbridled and screaming at you for you to understand the line he wanted to so desperately cross, that the alcohol pushed it behind his efforts to deny himself the one thing he’s been searching for in all these years.  

“i’m a little drunk, but fuck, you have no idea how bad i wanna kiss you,” he had murmured just loud enough into your ear, then ghosting his lips over the shell of it. everything around you dissolved into a blur as you could only focus on his breaths and the tightening of his grasp on you. his confession wasn’t completely unwarranted – not at all.

tetsurou and you had met in the quantitative analysis lab freshman year, having been assigned as partners for the semester just by how the ta’s drew the seating chart. he was a friendly, kind soul – had saved your ass multiple times from overshooting your titrations, prevented multiple beakers and graduated cylinders from falling over, always down to compare numbers to help ensure that neither of you were fucking up too hard.

coincidentally, the two of you were registered to the same ochem lab the next year and immediately gravitated towards each other, grateful to find some familiarity in all the anxiety. he witnessed your breakdown mid-lab, did his best to comfort you and salvage your sample so there was enough for recrystallization because you somehow got landed with a shitty, leaking separatory funnel, and stayed back with you when you had fallen behind in the cleanup process. from then on, it was a weekly habit to study together and work on your lab journals and reports together, not taking long to become close friends.

tetsurou did his best to keep his growing feelings at bay, knowing that you had explicitly mentioned swearing off relationships as you tried to figure out your future first. he wasn’t oblivious enough to think that you didn’t feel anything for him whatsoever – you were stubborn and tenacious at best. the house party at miya atsumu’s was simply a suggestion for the both of you to relax after a brutal midterm in your inorganic chemistry course, to let loose and treat yourself. he really hadn’t meant to say what he said, but just looked so good, so lovely and beautiful and enthralling, and you were looking at him like he hung the stars and moon in the sky – he knows he’s sent that same look to you multiple times when you weren’t looking, completely sober and unfazed.

he couldn’t stop himself from leaning close into you that night and you hadn’t stopped in – he knows he should’ve resisted, but feeling your soft lips against his was easily one of the top ten highlights of his college career, and his love for you only surged beyond his hold, overwhelming him to the point where all he could think about was nothing but holding your cheek in the palm of his hand so he could get a better angle and let himself indulge just this once.

that’s all it was – kissing and kissing in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor until there was no more oxygen left in either of your lungs. like a decent human being, he dropped you off at your apartment and bid you goodnight, hoping that you wouldn’t forget all the events that had transpired. and maybe, just maybe, he wished that you would let it happen again, that you could make him the exception in your plans.

evidently, you did remember it, because suddenly your responses to his texts were delayed and dry. you were picking up extra shifts, showing up to class at the very last minute, and leaving as soon as the professor dismissed you, allowing practically no room for him to make small talk. and while he would usually pass you in the halls of the chem building at some point, you were always too far from him and scurrying away in a different direction. tetsurou did his best to give you your space, but the less he saw of you, the more nervous and frustrated he grew. there was a wrench thrown into his daily routine, and your presence had always managed to bring some peace to him. so when he realized that you had truly abandoned your usual study spot in the library a week and a half later, he set himself on a mission to find out exactly where you were hiding.

it honestly had been sheer luck that he saw your figure ducking around into a hallway he’s never bothered to go down, and by the time he caught up, the door to the graduate resource room had just closed on your and there was no way he could get in without some help. luckily, his mentor who had stayed at the university for their phd was pretty nonchalant about letting him borrow it for a few days, preferring to study at home or in a coffee shop off-campus themselves.

he knew that since you were hiding, you were probably going to be in the most inconspicuous spot possible. so while there was some time dedicated to navigating the new maze of an area, he immediately felt a sense of relief when he saw your back hunched over your notes, hair tied up into a messy bun, and your laptop open with a spotify playlist.

after you’re done reminiscing, you begin to pack your stuff up, opting to just nor respond to tetsurou and ignoring the pleasant sensation that his term of endearment for you brought. he pulls back and stands straight to give you some room, but the tapping of his foot against the tile floor speaks to his blooming agitation at your silence. you’re still wordless as you weave between the shelves to the exit, knowing that the man plaguing your dreams is not far behind. the game of ‘follow the leader’ (or is it ‘cat and mouse’?) continues until you both have exited the main door, and right before you can walk down the granite steps, tetsurou seizes the opportunity to run ahead of you and stand in your way.

“tetsu, please,” you sigh, avoiding his piercing stare by fiddling with the sleeves of your jacket. “is there something you need?”

“you can’t play coy with me,” he chastises, bending down slightly in hopes that you’ll finally look at him. “you know why i’m here.”

it’s a bad habit of yours to nibble on the inside of your lips when you’re searching for the right things to say. tetsurou only picked up on it just last year – the action itself is very subtle to the outside viewer, and he hadn’t been paying close enough attention back then. “don’t bullshit me right now.”

“do we have to do this now?” you whine a bit.

“yes, or else i’m never gonna get you to talk to me. come on, you don’t do this, love.”

“what do you mean?”

“you’re running away. that’s pretty cowardly, don’t you think? you’ve had 3 weeks—”

you start to walk forward and around his tall, lanky figure. “i’m not humoring you with this—”

“with what—”

“—you’re doing that provoking thing, you’re trying to get me to think that i’m wrong in avoiding you—”

“so you have been avoiding me—”

“i said not now!” you protest in a raised voice, path once again blocked. tears of frustration are beginning to build in the corners of your eyes, and you’re cursing yourself for feeling so weak in this moment. part of you wants nothing more than to run into his arms.

it’s dead quiet for a few seconds – the ambient noise of the wind and the occasional passing car this late at night fail to make themselves known over the pounding of blood in your ears. only tetsurou’s first knuckle underneath your chin to raise you up grounds you, and you can no longer avoid his gaze. small crests of guilt wash over you as you recognize the uncharacteristic brokenness in his eyes – the last three weeks must’ve been much harder on him than you thought.

“just hear me out for a few minutes, okay? you can make your decision then.”

he takes your nod as a signal to continue, but also softening a bit at how nervous you look.

“i’m in love with you,” he softly confesses, a smile of defeat gracing his complexion. “and i have been for a while. i don’t think i’m bullshitting when i say i think you feel something for me, too, but i knew it wasn’t in your plans. didn’t wanna push or force you into making a decision when you weren’t ready. so i held back – but i couldn’t help it at the party, and…i’m sorry, love. i really am.”

tetsurou doesn’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses your eyes. “so does that mean you regret it?” you bite out, nails clenching and digging into the fabric of your jacket sleeves. he shakes his head.

“i don’t regret kissing you at all – it’s all i’ve wanted to do for the last two and a half years. but i’m just sorry that i did it without your explicit, sober permission. i went against your wishes in a time of vulnerability, and that’s pretty shitty of me – i’m not gonna excuse myself either just because i was a little drunk, so i hope you’re able to forgive me.”

he watches you sniffle and fight the grin that’s trying to creep across your face. “someone had their shot of respect women juice this morning, didn’t they?” you chokingly tease.

“five shots directly injected into my veins, every morning,” he jokes back, thumb sweeping over to catch your falling tears. “but i mean it though – i’m really sorry.”

“you’re forgiven, and i appreciate that more than you know. but if i’m being honest…it was something i’ve wanted to do for a while, too. i was just really scared because it was so unexpected and i wasn’t sure if i was ready for our relationship to change, or like if i would be emotionally available enough for you, y’know?” you blubber, hand reaching up to rest against his on your cheek.

“hey—”

“i really want this to work out.” tetsurou can hear your voice shake, and he’s sure you’re almost trembling. “you’re one of my best friends – i can’t lose you, tetsu. and what about grad school? what if we end up too far away from each other and video calls aren’t enough? what if you get tired of me or—”

“i know you hate it when i interrupt, but honestly (y/n), you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. i’m gonna do everything i can to make this work, too, mmk?”

“okay,” you whisper. “okay.”

his thumb gently sweeps back and forth against your cheek for a little bit before speaking up again. “not to ruin the moment, but do i have permission to kiss you now?” his eyes shine despite the midnight sky, and you can’t help the small chuckle that leaves your chest.

tetsurou swears up and down that your kiss in response is much, much sweeter than the one at the party, and he can’t wait to see what the future holds for you two.

[laurieteddy]

good company | amy march 

description: where amy shares her true feelings and 

request: “Could you write a Amy March x fem reader ? Maybe something like reader is a model for Amy’s painting classes and Amy falls in love while painting her and so she pursues the reader?” 

warnings: light angst in one part, and mentions of homophobia bc of the time period

word count: ~3,650

a/n: so, so, so sorry this tool me so long!! requests just always seem to... i hope you like it! also, the painting classes part was sort of small, sorry!!

---

This wasn’t what Amy had expected when she thought of what would happen in her art classes. Of course she knew she would be painting live models, that much was obvious, but she hadn’t even imagined that she would fall for any of them. The models were there to do their job, and the artists were there to paint them. It was as simple as that, or was supposed to be. 

When you came in, though, it changed things.

It wasn’t as if it was like “love at first sight” which a younger version of Amy would’ve believed in more. Though, as time passed she seemed to only admire you more and more. You held yourself so delicately yet seemed so carefree when talking to others before a session began. She had observed you closely from the first day she met you, which could be shrugged off in the beginning because you were the subject she was painting, of course she was observing you. 

Amy shook it off as long as she could, it was completely new to her. Sure, she had feelings for Laurie at a younger age, a lot of people tend to have a crush at some point in their lives. But you were a woman, this changed everything. She told herself she was infatuated because you were the model, you were of her interest because you were the subject she had to focus on. But it felt like more than that. It felt, to her, similar to the feelings she had toward Laurie those few years ago.

The two of you had spoken quite a few times, before and after classes and sometimes during breaks if there were any. You had noticed her gaze always seemed to be following you, which you would tease her about on occasion. Amy always seemed to have a smile accompanied with a blush when she talked to you, she couldn’t help it. In times where you might poke fun at her you would earn a deeper shade of red from her cheeks.

She was glad to be able to talk to you. You reminded her of home in ways, being so carefree but at the same time you were careful to pay mind to your surroundings. You would both tell each other stories of your homes and families, your hopes and dreams even if they were silly, you would talk about anything just to have a conversation. Conversations you shared never seemed to be dry, even if you were only talking about the weather, because it was just nice to be talking to each other.

You were glad to have met Amy, finding yourself naturally drawn to her. It became a nearly daily routine to spend at least an hour of your time with one another, finding company outside of classes too now. You were more familiar with the area and so Amy took advantage of this to have you show her around. On top of that, while she fit in with most crowds just fine, she preferred your company over most other’s there, especially Aunt March.

“How’ve you never had a pickled lime?!” Amy laughed as she looked at you with furrowed brows.

“I’m not sure,” you shrugged. “I guess they just aren’t as popular where I’m from.”

“They should be,” she grinned. “You know, I actually got in trouble at school for having them. That was my last day of school there, it was a dreadful place from the start.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, it didn’t sound in character for Amy to get into trouble for something so foolish. Then again, you didn’t know her at that age. Her aunt certainly seemed to think she had drastically changed though. And if you looked close you could see a more “rebellious” side of Amy. For the most part she tried her best to be proper, still allowing herself to relax though but doing so less and less it seemed.

“Why would you even get in trouble for simply having them with you?” You connected your arm with her’s as you walked through a garden. 

“Well, we would trade them and the teacher decided to put an end to it, it did nothing though. I was in debt so my sister gave me money and I was able to buy enough to repay people.” She sheepishly said, “I brought a whole bundle to school but I was too obvious with them.”

“You’re trying to tell me that you, Amy March, actually broke rules and got into trouble at school?”

“I’m not trying, I am telling you,” she laughed. “It wasn’t worth the cost though. I wouldn’t do it again.”

“Ah, there we go. That sounds more like you,” you grinned and leaned against her arm.

She smiled, shaking her head at your response. Then she realized, she had grown quite a bit in what seemed like no time at all. Or, at least, she had matured plenty. It was weird to actually consider how much had changed. It made her wonder, had you changed from childhood or were you always so outspoken?

“What about you?” She glanced over, “Tell me a story from your childhood?”

You paused to think, deciding on what story you should tell her. When you thought about it most of the stories seemed to be about the same. While Amy seemed to be more outgoing in school and through childhood, you seemed more reserved. Now, though, your personalities seemed to, in small ways, flip and become the opposite of what they were.

“I didn’t talk to many kids at school,” you began, “I had one close friend, who I haven’t talked to since then. I didn’t have the same interests as the other students seemed to have, didn’t hurt me any though.”

“Well, you do seem to have found a fairly large and worthy friend group now.” Amy locked arms with you.

“I wouldn’t say large, but I thoroughly enjoy their company. I’ve found more people to relate to in my adulthood than I ever did through school.” You raised your brows, “Now, that isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy at least parts of my childhood.”

“Oh?” She questioned, “Would you share more, then?”

You smiled at her, nodding gently before telling her about another bit of your childhood. Amy listened closely, nodding every once and awhile to assure you that you had her attention. You didn’t talk about your past much, and she was always curious to learn more about you.

For hours you walked together, eventually stopping to sit on a bench by a pond. Amy was still asking you questions about yourself and would occasionally share some stories of her own. While you had been doing this for days now, talking hours on end with one another, neither of you were growing tired of it. If anything, you both couldn’t wait for the next time you would get to chat. 

Recently you were finding yourselves at a lack of time spent together. Amy was talking to a man, one that was sure to propose to her soon. He could offer her money, a well enough life, just material things that Amy recalled dreaming of having when she was younger. But, she didn’t find herself too interested in him. While he was easy enough to get along with, it wasn’t exactly all she was looking for in a relationship. Then again, that wasn’t really the point of marrying him, as Aunt March would remind her.

“Won’t we talk tomorrow?” You asked, already knowing her answer.

“You know I’ll do everything I can to make the time.” She smiled sadly, “I have plans with Mr. Vaughn tomorrow.”

You could feel your heart clenching, a pain you were growing used to. Fred Vaughn, of course. Never would you dare to say anything against him, he wasn’t a bad man and you knew Amy was only doing what she must. Still, it would be a lie to say it didn’t sting a bit when she had to leave you for him. Maybe the fact that he was a good man only made it worse too. There was no real reason to have anything against, that’s what all of your friends had said.

“Don’t worry yourself too much over it,” you smiled, “we always find the time eventually. Mr. Vaughn makes good company as well, I think you’ll find yourself losing track of time with him.”

“Hmm, I disagree.” She continued walking slowly, “While Fred is good company, my mind doesn’t seem to stay focused on him even if it’s only the two of us. He is a very nice man, but…”

Amy wasn’t really sure what she was about to say. It was all true, she did find Fred to be a kind man and good company, but there was still something that Amy didn’t quite mind about having to spend time with him. She figured at first it was just the idea of actually becoming a married woman, losing all that was hers really. And, yes, that was still a part of it but there was more that she couldn’t place. Or, well… she didn’t want to think about it.

“What is it?” You reached for her hand, gently pulling her to a stop.

She didn’t turn to face you, she wasn’t sure that she could. There were too many thoughts to gather, too many words to say. Where to begin? And where would it end? 

“Sometimes I just wonder if I actually like Fred or if I just like the convenience of him,” she admitted. “Like I said, he is a very nice man but I don’t know that I can see him in the way Aunt March wants me to.”

“What do you mean?” You already knew, and you knew there would come a time when this would happen, when you might lose her.

“We’re expecting him to propose.” She looked at you, “And Aunt March expects me to say yes.”

You tilted your head, “Will you?”

Amy gently pulled her hand from your grip, looking to the ground. She didn’t know her answer to that. She didn’t want to say yes, not really. It was giving her life away, but at the same time it was a promise of a, at the very least, decent marriage. Fred made good company, but he wasn’t who Amy pictured spending her life with.

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Your tone was a bit sour, you were hurt by the idea that she may say yes.

“I just don’t know.” She took a deep breath, “I don’t know that marrying him is what I want to do but I need it’s… It is just what I need to do.”

“What you ‘need’ to do?” you scoffed. “Amy, if you don’t want to be with him then it isn’t what you ‘need’ to do.”

“It is though. For my family, for my future. And if I ever wish to have children it would be good support for them.” She took a step away from you, looking over the horizon. “I may not think it wise to marry him today but I can’t think about just today, y/n.”

You weren’t sure why there was this anger growing in you, if it even was anger. You supposed it was because, as you had thought before, you didn’t want to lose her. Marrying Fred Vaughn would mean she would have to go. She would lose everything that made her life her own, now and in her future. To you, it didn’t seem worth the cost. Amy seemed so happy where she was. 

“Life isn’t just about money, Amy. It’s about happiness, what brings you joy. And a life with Fred Vaughn? What else can he offer but money?” You moved in front of her, a pleading look in your eyes.

“Stability. Help for Beth. A promise that I have at least some sort of good future.” 

“You keep saying that, “good future”. What do you mean by that? What is a good future to you?” Part of you knew you were likely overstepping but you were so frustrated, and you truly didn’t want Amy doing something she didn’t want to do.

“I mean,” she paused to think for a moment. “I’m not doing this. I’m not having this conversation with you, why do you even care so much?” 

Another stinging went through you. How could she ask that? Wasn’t it clear how much she meant to you?

“I don’t know,” you snapped.

Amy was taken aback, that wasn’t what she thought you’d say. She was expecting a list of reasons, a speech about how marrying Vaughn was the wrong choice. She thought you’d be ready to fight back. It wasn’t that she wanted to fight, she wasn’t even sure how it built up to where it was. You were both just becoming more and more defensive. 

You both stood in silence for a few moments, taking in all of your new thoughts and uprising feelings. You knew it wasn’t so simple for her to just decide not to marry Vaughn. Amy had a lot to consider on the matter, too much for your or her liking. There was just this piece of you that wanted to be selfish though, to hold Amy close by your side and keep her for yourself. But you… you had nothing of “value” to your name. No money, no land, no name to pass along. No name to pass along. That was, you couldn’t marry. It was an entirely different topic on its own.

Two women marrying? It wasn’t something people would even talk of, let alone something that could happen in the time. Even being together, in any form, was frowned on by most. 

This was likely, whether she realized it or not, Amy was pushing back the idea of having even the slightest feelings for you. Her family wouldn’t care, at least her sisters and parents wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure what Aunt March would think, though she didn’t know what that mattered to her either. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about what all of those around her would think, it was an overwhelming thing for her. Amy saw herself as a people pleaser, though when she was younger it may have not always seemed that way. 

Nothing about it was easy. 

“I don’t have the luxury of being so carefree,” she began. “I know, too, that it isn’t always a luxury for you. I recognize your past was complicated but…” she took a breath in, “that doesn’t make mine any less so either.”

“I know,” you whispered, “I’m sorry. I hadn’t meant to attack you like that.”

She nodded meekly, unsure of where to go from here. Now was the perfect opportunity to talk through everything running wild in her head, she wondered if you could offer some answers. Was it worth the risk of her potentially becoming so vulnerable? She would find out.

“Do you remember the first day you came in to model for my class?” Amy smiled at the memory, and out of relief for a change in subject.

“Of course,” you chuckled awkwardly. “You seemed so nervous, more than many of the others.”

Her cheeks tinted red. As she ducked to hide it she let out a soft titter, “I was. The class was so intimidating in the start on its own, and then you walked in.”

You frowned a bit, worried the story might turn negative given your previous conversation. Amy noticed, being quick to reassure you with a gentle smile and her hand landing on your own. 

“You walked in, laughing, letting your scarf flow behind you. Your overcoat was the complete opposite from your outfit, I remember scolding a few people for being quick to judge you on such a trivial thing. Your hair was wild, like now,” she smiled as she brushed a tuft of your hair behind your ear. 

You were blushing now. “So we’re talking about how messy I appear?” you joked.

Her brows furrowed, “Not at all. I mean all of that to say… I couldn’t believe how effortlessly beautiful you were when you walked in.”

Both of you could feel your hearts pattering against your chests. For you, you thought you might be over analyzing again, if you ever had in the start that was. For Amy, she was shocked she actually worked herself up to say that. While it was simple enough, and no doubt something one could say to a friend, it was coming out in this brand new context. 

“When you came up to me after class, and you complimented my work.” She laughed, “I was at a complete loss for words. I remember being so nervous when you came up to me, I didn’t know what to say but you were so sweet. You asked me some questions, and I did my best to answer while trying to hide how… hypnotized I was. I kept thinking to myself that you would notice, that I would scare you away when you did.”

You weren’t sure what to say, you still couldn’t quite tell where the conversation was going, you were avoiding saying something you may later wish you kept private. There was also still this fear that you could be interpreting it wrong, though as she went on it seemed less and less likely that that was the case.

“I don’t want to marry Fred Vaughn,” Amy frowned and faced away. 

Her fingers were lightly tracing circles over the back of your hand, something she often found herself doing to her own hands when nervous. She didn’t exactly expect any response from you, but the silence was eating away at her as each second passed without you speaking up. Where to begin?

“So don’t.” You held her hand still between both of yours. 

It wasn’t so hostile this time, you were calm. Your tone sounded to be more suggesting rather than demanding. Amy was more willing to hear, both of you were. 

“Fred is a lovely man, perfect company… but if that isn’t who you want to marry, don’t.” You released her hand, “Status fails to matter when you find yourself at a lack of joy.”

“I’ve heard that a few times from my mother.” You often reminded Amy of home. “Meg too, and it seems to have proven itself to be true in her case. They haven’t much, but they do seem so happy with each other.”

What Amy was trying to say was so much more than what she was getting out. She hoped you might expand, understanding you were likely nervous too. A few more moments of silence seemed to last for hours, though it was more like a minute. Talking about it was hard, not as hard as she had initially believed but it was still difficult. 

“What if-- just, what if I don’t want to marry Fred because...because I don’t want to lose you?” Maybe it would be easier to be more straightforward. 

“Lose me? Amy, you could never,” you moved closer to her.

“No, I know. I know that we will always have our friendship, our memories and so on. But, what if I’m afraid of losing all of it? Our long walks, never ending talks. What if you understand me better than anyone… and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose the feeling of holding you close,” her fingers intertwined with yours. “I don’t want the butterflies in my stomach when you greet me again to leave me. I don’t want to give up our spontaneous picnics or races. I want to hold it all close to me, I want to keep you close to my heart.”

“Amy,” you couldn’t help but smile, “I mean, what about everything you had said earlier?”

“Those words were spoken out of fear, y/n. I… I’ve been afraid to say any of this to you. I thought you might run the other way, and I was terrified of what would be said had anyone found out but… I don’t care. Someone will always have something to say about me, right?”

You were thrilled to hear all of this, but at the same time there was a bit of conflict. Amy didn’t tend to be so spontaneous, you wanted to be sure she meant everything she was saying before letting yourself react too much. It didn’t feel real, how could it? 

She talked about the day you met so lovingly, and she seemed so smitten when describing you that day. It was almost like sitting back, listening as she talked about someone you had never met. It just seemed like true admiration so it was hard for you to imagine she was talking about you, not some stranger. 

“I’ve wanted to say something similar to you for some time,” you finally admitted. “I thought it was a lost hope, seeing how we all thought you’d be marrying Vaughn.”

“Ugh, enough about Vaughn, don’t you think?” She groaned, rolling her eyes dramatically with a grin on her lips.

“Absolutely,” you smiled and joked, “who knew I’d be stealing you away from him.”

“I did, the day I met you.” 

You laughed as you both continued your walk. It was getting late, neither of you had minded. You spent hours more talking, about things you had been burying for too long and about how things would be changing. It was getting easier to talk about, and you’d catch yourselves tossing in random jokes from time to time to keep the atmosphere cool. 

Aunt March wouldn’t be happy to hear the news, Amy didn’t care any longer though. Really, it was the last thing on her mind then. She was happy to just be walking with you.

[ovvnwords]

* LUKAS GAGE, CISMALE + HE / HIM  | you know ELIJAH PALERMO, right? they’re TWENTY FOUR, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, THREE YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to BETTER OFF DEAD BY JXDN like, a million times this year, which makes sense ’cause they’ve got that whole DISHELVED HAIR, WORN OUT FOOTBALL JERSEYS,  ENDLESS PARKING TICKETS, thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is MARCH 30TH, so they’re a AIRES, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( mackenzie, 21, est, she / they)

good evening everyone .... my name is mackenzie, aka ur favorite w*lmart employee. i go by she / they pronouns and it’s me, my 34232323 empty coca cola bottles & my snoopy squishmallow against the world. below u can find my sensitively unhinged boy eli, it’s his world and he’s going to make it everyone’s problem. um … death tw . sorry 

FULL NAME:  elijah alexander palermo 

NICKNAMES:  eli, shithead probably 

AGE: twenty-four 

DATE OF BIRTH: march 30th ( aries )

BIRTHPLACE:  new york, new york

EXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual 

OCCUPATION: little league coach / student

PARENTS: estella palermo & oliver palermo 

SIBLINGS:  tbd 

POSITIVE TRAITS:  outgoing, self-sufficient, quick-thinking

NEGATIVE TRAITS:  possessive, insecure, overbearing, pessimistic

estella   and   oliver   were   high   school   sweethearts   to   the   highest   degree   ----   they   both   had   the   same   dream   of   being   marine   biologists,   wanting   to   travel   the   world   and   discover   the   oceans   creatures.   it’s   not   like   that’s   a   bad   thing   ;   constantly   bouncing   around   the   world   at   a   scientists   call   don’t   necessarily   make   for   a   stable   home   life,   is   all.

things   were   good   for   a   while,   the   family   was   happy.   eli   doesn’t   have   many   memories   of   this   —   they   had   begin   to   travel   more   than   before   just   after   he   was   born,   and   truthfully,   he   never   fully   understood   having   a   ’normal’   family   unit.   there’s   pings   of   jealousy   sometimes,   not   that   he’d   ever   show   it.  

trips   had   begun   to   get   longer   and   longer,   leaving   elijah   in   the   care   of   his   older   siblings   instead   (   he   looks   at   them   more   like   parents   than   his   actual   birth   parents,   of   course,   ),   despite   how   unfair   it   was   on   them.   while   eli   tried   to   be   a   good   kid   for   their   sake,   it   didn’t   always   turn   out   that   great.  

DEATH TW / at   some   point,   there   was   an   accident   -----   both   his   parents   were   gone,   and   while   still   being   underaged   (   and   barely   able   to   make   an   uncrustable,   let   alone   live   on   his   own   ),   his   oldest   sibling   gained   guardianship.   it’s   not   like   there   anyways   anything   totally   different,   except   all   the   legal   shit   elijah   didn’t   exactly   care   about.   he   just   wanted   to   play   football.

was   a   complete   menace   in   school   ;   class   clown   shit,   never   knowing   when   to   sit   down   and   shut   up.   he   has   a   lot   to   say   and   not   enough   of   a   mind   to      think   about   right   place,   right   time.   turned   that   energy   into   sports,   local   high   schools   quarter   back   for   his   junior   and   senior   years.   he’s   good   at   it   too,   quick   on   his   feet   and   can   make   a   move   at   a   moments   notice.

now   he   works   at   the   rec   center   helping   teach   the   little   leagues   while   attending   classes   to   become   a   sports   broadcaster   —   he’s   got   big   dreams   but   if   they   come   true?   we’ll   have   to   see.

has   anger   issues   up   the   wazoo,   can   calm   himself   down   but   there’s   always   times   he   cannot.   has   little   to   no   filter   around   most   people,   but   can   hold   his   tongue   better   than   before.

has      adhd,      takes      meds      for      it,      but      he’s      forgetful      and      impulsive.  very  rejection  sensitive  and  lives  for  his  daily  routines  (  don’t  fuck  them  up  or  he’ll  lose  it  actually  ).  

has      a      dog      named      georgia      (      georgie      )      and      she      has      her      own      instagram      account.      icon.

not      the      greatest      student      but      he      definitely      tries,      even      if      it’s      mostly      to      make      sure      he      graduates      instead      of      actually      caring.

party      boy.      can      probably      do      a      keg      stand,      though      i’m      not      sure      how      they      work.      can      hold      his      alcohol      though.  definitely  the  kind  of  person  you  want  on  your  side  in  the  apocalypse  bc  he’s  unhinged  and  very  creative.

[ohshcscenerios]

Haruhi falling to her knees bc some bullies from another school accost/shove her on her way home one day, but the other hosts are to the rescue!

Thank you for such an interesting idea! I apologize for the rushed action but I didn’t want this story to run too long. I was dangerously close to 2k words so I needed to stop! 

If you have a request for a one-shot idea please send me a host’s name + a reason why they would fall to their knees to my Ask Inbox! Thank you!

In Haruhi’s second year of Ouran Academy much has changed for the Host Club; Takashi and Mitsukuni graduated at top of their class with respectable honors that would serve them well in Ouran University, Kyoya was officially announced as an official candidate for the Ootori Group’s heir by his father, and Haruhi’s true gender was revealed though that didn’t stop her from participating in host activities. Yes, Haruhi’s second year came with much change and although change is considered good – even necessary – for one’s personal growth and maturity, one cannot also run from change’s inevitable consequences.

At the end of Haruhi’s first year the host club sent a group email to their guests revealing that Haruhi-kun was actually Haruhi-san. As expected, it created an avalanche of reactions. Most were accepting but a rare few felt cheated and lied to. Haruhi allowed them to feel that way, understanding that for a whole year she did lie to her peers and classmates, and so she chose not to explain herself. If they wanted to be angry then she’ll let them be angry. Thankfully, no one as acted out on their anger towards Haruhi, to the Host Club’s relief, but that is until today.

Haruhi shifted her school satchel further up her shoulder as she made her daily tread to the train station a few blocks from Ouran Academy. It was a routine Haruhi could recite from memory and soon even the Host Club could write down her walking directions without looking at a map. When she was first outed to the school a host member walked her home each day to ensure her protection from bullies. After a month of no trouble they didn’t feel the need to walk her home anymore and allowed Haruhi her space again.

Today felt like every other day as she neared a street corner. Just one more block and she’ll be on the train towards home.

“Fujioka!” A voice called from behind her.

Haruhi turned around to see three of her classmates trailing her. She recognized their faces for they were the rare few who didn’t appreciate the Host Club’s dishonesty. Why the three unfathomably rich students would be walking with her instead of riding in their family’s limousines was beyond her.

“Yuri-san, Soma-san, Moria-san,” Haruhi address the students, “can I help you?”

Yuri stepped forward from the group with a deepening scowl contorting her glossed lips, “No, I’m afraid you can’t help us. We don’t want your help, not after you’ve betrayed your loyal customers.”

Haruhi sighed. She was afraid this wasn’t a chance meeting and now her fears were confirmed. They wanted to confront her. She straightened her posture and faced the three students. So be it.

“I apologize for keeping my gender a secret. We have already explained why such actions were made -.”

“We don’t care about a stupid vase,” Moria barked, “any person in your class could have paid for that vase tenfold. It was absolutely pointless to resort to what you did.”

Haruhi casually nodded, accepting her comment but not agreeing at the same time. “I’m sorry you feel that way but what is done is done. We can’t reverse time, we can only move forward. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Haruhi gave a slight bow and turned around to continue her journey home.

She didn’t make a few steps before she felt a fist punch her right shoulder blade. Haruhi stumbled forward but caught herself in time. She turned around to confront to attacker when another fist landed on her jaw. This punch had much more bite and the pain stung, traveling down her neck and making her eyes water. Someone managed to get behind her and they kicked her knees in, forcing her to fall onto her knees.

“Now that you’re kneeling before us, apologize correctly! Beg for our forgiveness!” Soma sneered, bending forward to cast her shadow across Haruhi.

Haruhi rubbed her tender jaw and stared at the three students now standing above her, baffled that the young heiresses could turn so violent. From what she understood about the elite, the women were taught to be graceful, kind, and endearing. Violence was left to designated men who are equipped with skills and social groundings. She has never seen an Ouran lady resort to violence. At most, they would cry and run into a man’s arm begging for his protection. Haruhi didn’t know if she should be concerned for her own safety or impressed that these young women broke through that stereotype.

Soma pushed Haruhi’s head back with a flick of her hand, making her rock back on her knees.

“Start begging you commoner trash.” Soma demanded.

Yuri slapped Haruhi upside the head, “Come one baka, beg!”

“My apologies for interrupting but she will not beg for you today.” A deep masculine voice spoke from behind Haruhi. Her eyes grew wide in recognition as she realized who was standing behind her. His voice alone revealed himself.

“Ootori?” Moria stammered. Having her favorite host witness her less than appealing behavior instantly embarrassed her. “This is not what you think… Haruhi just…”

“Do you think were stupid?” Another voice questioned, sound much more annoyed. Hikaru emerged from the neighboring alleyway along with Kaoru, Tamaki, and Mitsukuni.

“You have a lot of nerve to hit Haruhi like that.” Kaoru growled.

Yuri fixed her posture and flashed the Host Club a mischievous glint in her eyes, “And what exactly are you going to do about it? If you would dare hit a woman you can bet your name will be slandered within hours.”

Kyoya fixed his glasses, “Don’t worry, we wouldn’t stoop so low to your level. We have other ways to take care of you.”

Haruhi felt a strong pair of arms lift her from the ground and realized it was Takashi who saved her from the cold concrete. He carried her as he joined the others and gently brushed his fingers over her swollen jaw. When she winced away at the pain Takashi gave an angry pointed glare at the three students, making them shy away from the normally stoic host.

“This was a bad idea Yuri-san…” Soma whispered to her friend.

“Shut up, this piece of filth needs to pay for what she’s done. She lied to us for an entire year!” Yuri barked back.

“You are only this angry because you developed a crush on Haruhi,” Tamaki explained rather calmly, “We understand your anger but you cannot direct it at Haruhi. We were the ones who forced her to join the Host Club. If you want to beat someone up, let that person be me.”

Tamaki walked forward with his arms stretch out to his sides, palms open and facing up. Haruhi watched him with a strange look of confusion because essentially he was giving himself up in her place.

“We couldn’t hit you Tamaki-kun…” Moria confessed. “We admire you too much. We could never hurt you.”

“But I can,” Yuri said, “If you’re going to take a beating for that rat then so be it!”

Yuri plunged forward with a fist drawn back, winding up for a delicious punch to the cheek. She was about to reach Tamaki when he threw his arms around Yuri and spun her around, lifting her feet off the ground and throwing her off her punch.

“What are you doing? Let me go!” She cried as she wriggled beneath his tight hold.

“I will, once the police arrive.” Tamaki said.

When Moria and Soma heard that the police were called they looked at each other with wide eyes and turned to run off. Before they could make it a few feet Mitsukuni landed in front of them, forcing them to skid to a stop.

“I’m afraid you ladies aren’t going anywhere just yet.” He said with a devious smile.

Kyoya approached Haruhi who was still cradled in Takashi’s arms with a cellphone already pulled to his ear. “I am calling for a doctor to meet us at your apartment to check the injuries. Do not object for I won’t listen. Your jawline is already beginning to bruise.” He studied her face with critical eyes and began speaking to someone on the phone.

“How did you guys get here so quickly?” Haruhi asked her friends.

Hikaru shrugged, “We noticed a note falling out of your locker this morning. We were going to give it to you when we realized it was a threat. So instead we followed you home today, just in case.”

“We’re glad we did.” Takashi admitted.

Haruhi smiled, though it hurt to stretch her bruised cheek, and felt eternally grateful to have the friends she did.

There was much change in her second year and the final change of all was that she gained a second family.

[serenlyss]

Growing Up

Rating: G Pairing: Background terumob Summary: Shigeo decides to branch out a little. Crossposted to AO3: Growing Up

Here's my second stab at @bisexualwinry​‘s fluff prompts!

On an unrelated note, I've been looking for fellow mp100 writers here with the potential of creating a writer's discord! Specifically I've been looking in the mp100 fandom since that's the one I'm most active in rn but it's open to all fandom writers. I haven't created it yet bc I haven't seen enough interest but I feel like it could be a really fun place for writers to get together, find beta readers, workshop ideas, etc! If you're interested, hmu here on tumblr or my discord (LyssaGirl1998). You can send me an ask or an im, whatever you prefer!

“Master Reigen,” Shigeo says one day from his spot on the couch in Reigen’s office, “I think I’d like to learn to play piano.”

Reigen looks up from where he’s tapping away at his keyboard. It’s still odd to hear Shigeo call him that, after he’d admitted to being a fraud, but despite his insistence that he doesn’t need to anymore, he still does anyway. Shigeo reclines against the couch, one leg lifted so that his ankle rested atop his opposite knee. He has a book open in his lap, which he’s been quietly reading up until now.

“Piano?” The voice of Reigen’s unwanted and self-imposed secretary butts into the conversation before Reigen can reply. Tome leans forward in her seat, the seat that used to be Shigeo’s, before he’d stopped coming around as frequently. “What would you want to learn something like that for?”

Shigeo shrugs with a small smile, slipping a bookmark between the pages of his novel and setting it aside for now. The smiles are less rare now, more generously offered and less stifled and withheld. “It was thinking that it could be fun to learn how to play an instrument,” he explains. “I don’t have a lot of hobbies, after all.”

Reigen’s more than a little surprised that piano is the thing that Shigeo has decided to pursue. He’s never seemed like much of the musical type, aside from whatever music he liked to listen to in his free time, and he’d only ever taken interest in a few random activities, like exercising. But he’s in his third year of middle school now, and he’d finally started letting go of the tight hold he’d kept on his emotions for all those years, so it’s only natural for him to want to explore those hidden and repressed sides of himself now. Besides, Reigen finds the idea of careful Shigeo sitting at a piano quite easy to imagine, once he puts his mind to it. “Hmm, I think it would suit you,” he comments. “Why piano, though? Any particular reason?”

“Well, Teru knows how to play, and he’s even offered to teach me a few times,” Shigeo replies, his smile turning a bit more shy and fond with the mention of his boyfriend. “He’s really talented, and I bet he’s a good teacher.”

At her desk, Tome makes choking noises and pretends to be sick.

Reigen ignores her entirely. “I think it’s a good idea,” he says. Shigeo deserves encouragement and support, and if he wants to try something new, Reigen firmly believes that he should.

Shigeo, at least, seems pleased with the answer, nodding with a confidence Reigen still isn’t quite used to seeing before returning quietly to his book. Reigen lets himself stare a moment longer, noting that Shigeo’s gotten taller. It won’t be long before he shoots over Reigen’s head and starts rivaling Serizawa.

He huffs out a breath that ends up sounding annoyed, turning back to his work. These stupid kids, they really do grow up way too fast.

---

Teru and Shigeo meet after their club activities often to study and, occasionally, to have a brief piano lesson. Teru can’t fit a keyboard in his little apartment, so he comes to Salt Mid instead, and the two of them take up residence in one of the school’s open practice rooms in the music wing.

Shigeo’s fingers are inexperienced and uncertain, and he’s quick to doubt the soft way he presses the keys, so different from Teru’s quick and confident playing. He’s stubbornly dedicated to learning, though, and his ear is incredibly sharp. He picks out his mistakes quickly after he makes them, fingers jerking into the correct positions with little need for Teru to correct them for him. Teru’s quick to praise him for his progress and gentle when he points out his missteps, and they quickly fall into a routine in their lessons of sitting on the bench together, close enough to brush shoulders, Teru leaning over to mess with the music while Shigeo does scales and arpeggios and sight reads the kind of music meant for three-year-olds and pretends not to notice how the proximity makes his chest warm comfortably.

---

Ritsu hears Shigeo practice, sometimes, when their mother goes to run errands, their father isn’t quite home from work yet, and it’s just the two of them in the house. Usually it’s when Ritsu is up in his room, working on his homework. He’ll catch the faint, distant sound of piano melodies as Shigeo plays whatever comes to mind: random little tunes that Teru’s taught him, old folk songs and nursery rhymes, and occasionally something of his own creation.

The tunes start out rough and shaky, large breaks between bits of the music Shigeo hasn’t quite committed to memory yet. Ritsu wonders how he can see so little progress and yet still not find himself frustrated. He shakes his head and goes back to his homework, drowning out the quiet plinks of the piano beneath him with headphones and his own music.

---

Shigeo graduates middle school.

Reigen gets invited to come sit with his family for the ceremony, and Teru does as well. They find a seat off to the side, easy to spot but not too overbearing. The ceremony is widely unnecessary, in Reigen’s opinion, and drags on for far longer than he believes it should, but that doesn’t stop the rush of unprecedented pride he feels when he hears the principal call Shigeo’s name.

He watches, speechless, as the boy he’s known for the last five years of his life crosses the stage, and hides the fact that he’s on the verge of tears by pretending he’s sleepy and rubbing his eyes. Ritsu shoots him a look that says he sees right through Reigen’s bullshitting, but not even Shigeo’s snarky younger brother can steal his good mood away from him when he eagerly goes to congratulate his student after the ceremony has concluded.

Shigeo’s parents shell out to buy him a nice graduation gift: an electronic keyboard of his own, one that he can easily put up in his bedroom and take with him when he eventually goes off to college. It’s full-sized, with the nice weighted keys that feel like a real piano’s, but compact enough that he doesn’t need to worry about how much space it takes up. Reigen pitches in to help pay for the accessories as his own congratulations, and it’s beyond satisfying to see the way Shigeo’s eyes light up at the sight of the crisp, new black-and-white instrument already set up and waiting for him when they all go back to the Kageyama house to celebrate.

---

Shigeo keeps practicing. He gets better every time Ritsu hears him, his pacing more consistent, repertoire more confident. It makes him happy that Shigeo has found something he likes, that he’s willing to practice and get better at. He hopes he sticks with it.

---

Shigeo grows older, taller. His daily exercises with the Body Improvement Club show in the lean muscles he hides beneath the sleeves of the better-fitting high school uniform. His shoulders broaden and his face loses its childishness in favor of more mature, angular features, but it retains its softness in the laugh lines around his eyes and the toothy smile he no longer hesitates to show.

Larger hands and longer fingers make playing the piano that much easier, after the initial adjustment he has to make to account for his newfound clumsiness. He runs into things constantly now, banging his feet on chairs and tables that he swears are too far away to be problematic and hitting his head on low-hanging objects and shelves he used to be able to walk right under. He forgets sometimes that he can reach the high shelves now, the ones even Reigen can’t get to unless he uses the little step stool by the pantry.

He joins a music club at his new high school and uses it as his designated practice time, putting his hours into the well-worn pianos in the music room while the other club members hone their own talents all around him. It’s been months since he first touched a piano, and he’s grown confident and deft in the way he moves his fingers over the keys. He can sight read now, at least certain things. He plays whatever he feels like playing, not confined to classes or grades or any sort of classical training. He picks out song with tunes he thinks sound pretty or interesting and then he recreates them, with or without music, content to play on a whim instead of by necessity.

He never becomes so good at the piano that he’s asked to perform outside of occasional pieces he plays for his friends or classmates at his music club. He learns a few duets, with Teru or with friends who play other instruments, but he doesn’t perform in front of large crowds or even attempt to.He’s perfectly content to play for himself, and only himself.

---

Shigeo loves playing the piano. When he feels stressed, it’s an easy way for him to relieve some dormant energy and express those feelings in a productive way. He plays happy things when he’s feeling sad, somber things when he’s feeling contemplative, whatever comes to mind in the moment. He plays easy things and complex things, whatever sounds pleasing to the ear, and challenges himself by picking up pieces that he thinks may be a bit beyond his skill level. He surprises himself by putting in the time and effort into making what seemed impossible his new glass ceiling, and shatters it with every day he pushes himself out of his comfort zone.

Sometimes he plays out loud, for anyone to hear, and other times he plugs in a pair of headphones and plays just for himself. He plays as a break between homework assignments, putting his brain to work in a completely different way, plays when he’s feeling bored and has nothing else to do.

Sometimes he doesn’t play at all, too wrapped up in the business of his schedule as he balances occasional work for Reigen with hanging out with Teru and his brother and all of their friends. He never goes too long without playing, though, his attention inevitably going back to the keyboard set up by the window in his room, where he can glance outside at the neighbors walking their dogs down the street while his fingers drum against the plastic keys. It’s peaceful, and takes his mind off his other concerns.

---

When he finally leaves his parents’ house, he takes the keyboard with him.

[keepseaveyweird]

Seeing one of the boys as part of your daily routine bc LA is truly a small town in the grand scheme of things

I changed it from LA to NYC. Only because I figured it’s more routine in NY than LA, cause like... Idk it makes more sense in my head this way I’m sorry!! I hope you like it though!

“See you tomorrow!” y/n laughed as she parted ways with her friends walking out of her last lecture of the day. The busy streets of New York were loud with sirens and the sounds of taxis honking all around. She waited at the corner for the walking light to indicate it was safe to cross the road alongside a dozen other individuals. Soon, she was on the move and spun around the railing to make her way down to the Canal Street subway station to go back to her apartment.

The time she was let out of class was the perfect time to hitch a subway ride, the stations weren’t crowded and there was breathing room and open seats in every train. Compared to other times of the day, it was truly the only peaceful time in NYC, the only time everything seemed to just slow down a bit.

As y/n descended down the steps to the platform, she saw the usual people she tended to see. Men in suits on the phone, ladies in heels with a big pile of papers in her hand, students reading their book for english class. It was usually the same people, as the city lifestyle forces one into a daily routine, but every now and then, someone would miss work or they’d bring a friend along. But the one constant she never missed and was never different was the boy with curly hair who sat on the second bench to the right. It was never the first or the third or any on the left, but always the second and always on the right. He sat with a journal on his lap as well as a blue pen in his hand, thinking and writing.

As she waited the five minutes it took for the train to make its way back to the station (never anymore or any less), y/n would casually stand behind him and to the side a bit and glance between her phone and the boy on the bench. She couldn’t help but be intrigued by him, the way he would jot down whatever it was he was writing. Or the way every couple minutes he’d look up from the pages and glance around, look back down, and tap the end of his pen to his temple as he thought, only to begin the routine over again. Or when he would write something good down (one could only assume it was good) he’d try and fight the smile that tried to overtake his face, but fail and his toothy grin would expose itself to everyone at the station.

That day, the curly haired boy was extra smiley, and his pen was writing at lightning speed, and y/n couldn’t help but smile anytime he tried his best to fight the shit-eating grin that would overcome him. She couldn’t help but think he was cute, his floppy hair framing his face and his arms slightly flexing with the movements from his wrist. She loved his style, t-shirts slightly oversized along with pants or jeans that were baggier than they probably should be (but he made them look much cooler than anyone else could) and his Jordans, which were definitely new. Every now and then he would have a fanny pack draped across his body, which looked quite weird on other people, but he made it a look and worked it well. His brightly colored beanies sometimes hiding his beautiful curls, but making appearances as they tried to escape the hat but he’d push them back in almost every five seconds.

Soon the train rushed to a halt and the doors opened, letting the few people off, and y/n made her way to her usual spot; a seat towards the back of train and the back of cart. The boy would usually sit across from her as well, and he’d put his journal in his backpack and play on his phone as he played with his nose ring. Truly, y/n and him had the same routine, getting on and off at the same stop at the same time every day, walking three blocks east before parting way at the corner of 63rd and Madison.

As she walked on, she realized a new man who she had never seen had stolen her spot. She looked around, seeing that the usually empty cart was fuller than usual. Feeling off, as her routine was almost never broken, she stood with her hand wrapped around the cool metal pole.

“There’s an empty seat here, if you’d like it.” Someone said from behind her. Y/n spun around to find the cute boy pulling his back pack from it’s honorary seat beside him, a smile on his face.

“Oh, thank you,” y/n smiled as she took her own bag from her back and held it in her lap. The boy went back to listening to whatever music he had on, shuffling through his phone and y/n began to do the same, pulling her airpods from her bag pocket. After opening Spotify and deciding between playlists, she finally pressed shuffle on her throwback one, and hearing the opening notes of Northern Boy by the Academic.

Before she had a chance to put in her other ear bud, the boy lightly tapped her shoulder.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help but see that you were listening to The Academic,” he said, before showing her his phone screen with the same song playing.

“Oh my gosh,” y/n cried, her eyebrows raised with excitement, “you like them too?”

“Oh for sure! They’re one of my favorites,” he told her, before showing her all the songs by them on his playlist, “I’m Jack, by the way,” he smiled reaching his hand out for hers.

“I’m y/n.”

The rest of the subway ride continued as such; them sharing new music, as y/n handed him one of her ear buds to share. Soon they were at their stop, where they walked back up to the sidewalk and continued to talk about music and their life. About how y/n was currently at New York University studying global studies, and Jack was at The New School studying musical performance with an emphasis on voice, and how him and his best friends were thinking of starting a band.

“I think you should do it, you never know what could happen,” she told him as they approached 63rd and Madison, their usual parting place.

“That’s what my friend Zach keeps saying,” Jack laughed, “everyday all we hear is, “why don’t we, what’s the worst that could happen,”” he said, mocking his friend with a smile.

“Well he’s definitely not wrong,” y/n giggled as they reached the corner, “well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. It was great talking to you!” muttered y/n, as she turned to head home.

Before she could take a step, Jack gently turned her around by the shoulder, meeting his beautiful brown eyes, “wait, would there be any chance you could possibly, maybe want to grab a smoothie or coffee or something with me?” He said, a small blush taking over his cheeks, “if not, or if you have things to do I totally understand, it’s just th-”

Y/n interrupted, “I’d love to,” she smiled.

The two made their way to the closest coffee shop, and sitting down with paper cups in their hands at a small table by the window.

The two continued to talk until the sun started to set.

“It’s crazy it took us so long to start talking, I’ve seen you everyday for the last five months,” Jack laughed, taking a sip of his smoothie.

“I know! What were we doing?” chuckled y/n.

“Well to be honest, I kind of always wanted to say something, but I was kind of nervous,” Jack admitted, his eyes glued to the table as he twiddled his thumbs.

Y/n blushed as a grin formed on her face, “why would you be nervous?” She asked, a boost of confidence surging through her, causing her to take his hand into hers. They met eyes from across the small table between them, and the two felt something that couldn’t be explained. They weren’t sure what it was, but they weren’t scared, they were the opposite in fact. In that moment, Jack and y/n had truly never felt more comfortable with anyone, even if they were strangers.

“I’m not sure, you just have this thing about you. You walk around with confidence and it’s intimidating, but sexy and…. I’m sorry,” he began.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she told him, giving his hand a squeeze, “thank you, for thinking I’m sexy I mean. I think growing up in the city is what taught me the whole ‘walk with confidence thing though. If you don’t you get run over trying to get out of everyone’s way,” she laughed.

“I mean while we’re being honest here, I thought you were really cute as well. I’d watch you a lot just sit there and write in your journal and play with your nose ring.” Y/n’s cheeks grew rosy with her confession.

“Oh really?” He smirked with a smile on his face, “Is that why you’d always stand behind me? So I wouldn’t catch you?”

“Okay maybe..” Y/n dragged on, “what do you write in that journal anyways? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Jack reached into the bag lying by his feet and grabbed the tragedy book, holding it up by his face, “This is my song journal,” he proclaimed.

“Oh, I see,” y/n said, mostly to herself, “so can you sing me something?”

“No,” Jack said, “absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Because one, there’s like maybe one good one in here, and two, a lot of them aren’t even done.”

“Oh please, I’m sure that’s not true, you write in there everyday, there’s got to be at least a whole Grammy- winning album in there,” she said, reaching for it. Jack pulled away, putting his hand higher in the air, out of reach.

“Maybe some other time,” he proposed with suggestive eyes.

“Another time? Like as,” y/n started, “in a date?”

Jack’s eyes went wide, worried he had ruined it and suddenly began looking at the table again.

“What? I mean, only if you want it to be,” Jack mumbled as he shrugged and raised his brows.

“Calm down,” she laughed, “I would love to go on a date with you.” y/n said with that giant, adoring, shit eating grin on her face again.  

Jack relaxed once again and his own confidence began to rise, “Great, what about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow sound perfect!”

They both began to get up and walk back to 63rd and Madison where they part ways.

“So?” Jack questioned, “Where should I meet you at?” he joked, laughing as y/n just rolled her eyes.

[rivkahstudies]

Hello! I’m 20 & currently a student and I’ve been so excited to do this because I’ve realised the pathway I want to take now. A lot of my friends have dropped out & are just working & I guess they can afford more trips abroad sometimes and make me feel like that’s most important. I had to quit my job bc I was getting behind on essays & wasn’t doing the best I could. I try to go on trips in my country and different cities but do you think going abroad is the best thing in life rn?:(

Hello nonnie… I am so, so sorry for the late response, I hope this doesn’t come at an inopportune time. 

So, I am having a little bit of trouble understanding this prompt, but I’m gonna work off what you’ve given me and you are welcome to send a follow-up if you feel I haven’t really answered your question.

I gather that “going abroad” to you means traveling, whether for pleasure or work, not for study abroad? I know there is a huge culture of migration in some countries, especially because working abroad is seen as “making it.” Of course, this is also coming from what my anthropology class has covered about the diverse topic of migration, so please feel free to correct me on anything I say on the subject too. I’m still learning and I may overgeneralize.

Anyway, if that’s the case–I don’t think you should worry about it, honey. You seem like you’ve already told me your priorities: you’re a student and you’re doing what you love on a pathway to what you love. Travel is something that I find pretty important to diversifying and rediscovering oneself, and also becoming more open-minded about what’s out there. However, it’s in no way essential. You are missing out on experiences, but these experiences can happen in your own country. I can bet you money that there are things within your country, region, even city/town that you have’t discovered yet. 

I think it’s also important to “escape” from the same, daily routine and mindset, but not at the expense of your crucial savings or studies. I know many people just a couple years older than me that have been to 10, 16+ countries, started their own non-profits, been activists, etc etc etc. And it’s really easy to fall into a rut of comparing your life or successes to others’. But if you do it, you don’t really help yourself grow, you just further depress and belittle yourself. And that’s really not necessary. 

I’ve been out of the country/studied abroad once. Just once so far. It was only for a month but it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. However, it’s not the only one. I’ve had tons of amazing learning and growing experiences and opportunities right inside my country, and right inside the towns/cities in which I’ve lived. Location matters, but you can still do things with the resources you have if you’re willing to work hard. It seems like you are, since you’ve given up extra spending money to focus your efforts into school.

I don’t have a stable job right now either, because my mother has always emphasized “School is your first job.” I can get one if I feel like I’m not overwhelmed with work, even in the busy points, but I know myself and what I’m capable of, so for now I’m only working when school is not in session. Some of my friends with easier course loads are working, and even the ones that are busy are, but some of their grades are suffering as a result. I’d rather pour all my energy into doing well and setting myself up well for grad school.

I do plan to study abroad again. I’d like to do it at least in the summer, but it’d nice to do another semester because my school’s financial aid for tuition covers the study abroad tuition. I suggest looking for opportunities to study abroad rather than just go abroad. It lets you explore a new place, but in a controlled setting where you still have routine and people/a program to watch over you/make sure everything goes well. Plus it’s a great chance to immerse yourself in a new language.

Whatever you decide to do, know that not going abroad is not going to severely detriment your life. Instead, focusing on that path you mentioned may be the best thing. When achieving goals, you need change and risk-taking, but you also need a fair amount of stability and planning.

Good luck to you nonnie, and my inbox/messages are always open if you need to reach out.

[authcntic]

pinterest / stats.

giancarlo commare. cismale. he/him. — did you see { grayson fiorentino }, i haven’t seen the { twenty-six } year old in a while! you know, they’re a { writer }, and have been living in jersey city for { three years }. some say they’re { audacious & avid }, but i think they’re { indecisive & self-indulgent }. regardless, i’m glad { gray } is here.

ok so !! first things first is that he literally is never called grayson, just gray bc grayson just sounds off to him . not even his parents called him grayson which ?? is dumb to him bc they might as well just named him gray

he was born in seattle to an italian father and an american mother !! they met while she was studying abroad during her senior year in college and had this whole thing during the fall ?? it was so cute and when she had to leave to finish up her last semester, SHE ASKED HIM TO COME W HER !! AND HE SAID YES !! 

lowkey every time they tell that story other parents get annoyed bc it’s just too cute . like wtf, talk abt a fanfic-worthy love story 

 to this day gray loves love bc of his parents . a real life fucking dork 

anyway, growing up in seattle was nice ? he played basketball bc he was already 6′0″ in high school and the coaches loved it and he was actually pretty good ? 

but it wasn’t his passion. at all. yeah he loved being cheered on but he loved writing so much more, specifically writing fiction (imagine the 5th wave to get a sense of what he writes)

his grades weren’t the best whatsoever bc he was constantly writing little blurbs and ideas in his notebooks instead of paying attention to the lessons and eventually his parents found out and instead of scolding him they kinda just ?? let him be

like yeah they told him he had to focus more bc graduating was important but they supported what he loved and wanted him to do his best at it, so he started to focus and wrote in between classes or during his free time bc the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint his parents 

fast forward to college . yeah he didn’t go . there was no point if all he wanted to do was write ? so he got his own apartment in spokane, a little bit away from his parents, got a job in the local library, and started writing 

nobody told him how much he would get rejected at first and how much it would suck 

for months he was getting rejected by publishing companies and he was tired. but did that stop him? no 

one of his best and worst qualities is that he’ll keep at something no matter how frustrated he gets with it , however , it does go too far and he needs others to tell him when to take a break and rest up bc he’ll literally go at a chapter until the sun rises again bc he just wants to get it right 

anyway ! until he was 23 it was kinda the same daily routine for him . write some, go to work, write some more, eat when he got out of his writing zone, and sleep for maybe five hours if he was lucky 

despite how absolutely terrible it sounds, he loved it and loved either writing or being around books 24/7

so what happened when he was 23 ?? he was on a forum for aspiring writers when he met a girl and i think u know where this is headed

they went from messaging each other to texting to calling to facetiming rather quickly and in general just connected quickly ?? maybe a lil too quickly 

things progressed and she asked him to move to jersey city ! she wanted to be with him in real life and he was more than willing to do so ! so he packed up and moved within the next month 

except she never contacted him once he got there. except for once, when she said nevermind. literally just changed her mind. didn’t want to be with him. i’m leaving it a lil open ended as to why bc wanted connection

so he locked himself up in his apartment for a couple weeks. wrote, barely ate, barely sleep (which was kind of usual for him). he was heartbroken, especially considering that he’d grown up seeing his parents and their love and always thought love was permanent and meant to be 

it really fucked him up and he was a dark time and this boi cried (he never cries fyi) so we are gonna fast forward to after a couple weeks when he actually sort of recovered (not fully tho, still hasn’t fully covered if we’re being honest) bc it’s indescribable what he was feeling

he stayed in jersey city despite what she did. it was a cute town and a nice change from washington ?? plus maybe it would help him w/ his writing. and he always kind of hoped he would see her so she could see that he was doing just fine w/out him 

he started going out again. was back to his usual self mostly and was writing in the local coffee shop, started editing people’s papers for classes/college applications/etc. 

eventually, he became his old and bold self, approaching people in clubs and getting numbers from people he was interested in, even asking them on dates before they really got into a deep conversation. he was that confident bitch ! 

now at 26 he’s basically in the same place. can’t decide on one specific idea that he wants to write about so he has at least three unfinished novels, still edits papers and has to correct people on their your/you’re usage, and still hitting up people and mostly succeeding ?? 

gets incredibly frustrated over his writing but tries not to let people know it 

does what he wants and when he wants ! if he wants a fancy dinner, he’ll go even if it’s by himself . wants to go to the beach ? will drive to the closest one no hesitation. catches someone eyeing him w/ interest ? will hit them up in a heartbeat 

he’s a bold dude and still hopes that he can find someone he cares abt although he’s a lil more wary on fully letting someone into his life now 

OH and random but he skates . it helps him clear his mind/take a break from writing on the very rare occasions that he does that, that is 

i could ramble abt this dumbass forever but this is already long SO i will end it here ! come plot w/ him pls 

some specific wanted connection ideas !

the girl. yes, the one who broke his heart. would have to be a writer/artist of some sort and be the type to ditch him just like that. the reason she broke things off is purposely left w/out explanation so we can fit it to your muse ! 

muse. i’m such a hoe for these connections. gimme someone who knows exactly what he needs to focus, who brings him coffee on late nights of writing and who tells his dumbass to go to sleep. they inspire him and help him get a chapter or even a few of them done. 

ex-fling. he tried to start things up with this person but they just didn’t click and he couldn’t see it lasting, so he broke things off as nicely as he could. they could either despise him now or they could be friends, honestly. 

critic. this person needs a hell of a lot of help with their papers. probably a college student. he helps them and gives as much advice as he can. kind of a teacher for them in a way ? 

[humansofhds]

Chantal Sanchez, MTS ’22

“I'm from Southern California. My first time actually leaving California was to come all the way to Boston for my undergrad at Boston College. I studied physics there during my first year, until luckily, being at a Catholic school, I was forced to take theology and philosophy. That's how I fell in love with theology.”

Chantal Sanchez, MTS ’22, is a second-year MTS student studying South Asian religions and is a member of the Harvard Buddhist Community's Buddhism and Race speaker series planning committee.

From Academic Decathlon to Lifelong Passion

During my senior year of high school, I quit the softball team and joined something called “academic decathlon,” which was basically like a nerd competition. It was all the seven subjects – econ, science, math, social science, literature, music, art – and then speech, interview, and an essay. Every year, the competition focuses on a specific subject. The year I joined, it was all about India. So I learned an obscene amount about India.

At the end of that year, I graduated and started at Boston College as a physics major. We had a few key requirements, including theology and cultural diversity. When I saw there was a Hinduism class that counted for cultural diversity, I was like, cool – I just learned all about India. So I took that class, along with another in comparative Islam and Christianity. Starting with those classes, I fell in love with the study of theology. In my Hinduism class, in particular, I realized I enjoy the work. I had developed a relationship with the professor, and I was loving what we were learning. By my sophomore year, I had switched my major from physics to theology.

Fast forward to the end of sophomore year, as I was preparing to study abroad in France. I heard from my Hinduism professor that there was a study abroad in Nepal that I didn't know about. I changed my plans, and I ended up doing a language program for three weeks in India before flying to Kathmandu, Nepal, for four months of study abroad.

For the academic decathlon in high school, I had learned Indian history from the beginning of time all the way up to the current day. I remember seeing a picture of the wind palace, Hawa Mahal, when I was studying during my senior year of high school. On study abroad, I actually got to see it in real life, in Jaipur. I had learned so much from books, so much about India’s historical background, deities, and iconography. Before going there, I knew that book religion is very different than place practice, as it always is. But seeing the doctrines and beliefs I had learned about in real life was transformative.

My studies abroad solidified things for me: I would specialize in South Asian religions. Today, that's what I'm doing at HDS.

Curiosity and Faith

I grew up in a secular household. My mom was 17 when she had me, so she was a child herself. She didn’t know what religion was, and she didn't really want to force anything on us. We actually shopped around different religions, like Latter Day Saints, Jehovah's Witness, a myriad of random Christian churches in So-Cal. A lot of them were hippie types of places – just music the whole time. I think we even went to a temple. When I was 12 she told me and my sister, you guys figure it out. I'm not going to tell you what to believe.

For a while, I was just kind of neutral to religion. I felt like I respected human beings, regardless of their beliefs. But I was still curious about faith. I always wondered, what is it about people that makes them believe? I always thought about it, especially the way religion connects so many people in the world.

During my study abroad in college, I often went to the Shiva temple with my host family in Nepal. There was one random Sunday when I was on my way to meet up with some friends from school, and I had an intense need to go to the Shiva temple on my own. I thought, OK, I already know the routine: I circumambulate this tree, touch this, do this. So I did it, on my own. Stopping at the temple became part of my routine for walking to school every day.

There was another moment when I was studying at the Buddhist monastery in Nepal, where there were practicing monks of all ages. One of my teachers was actually a Buddhist monk, who taught us, verse by verse, one of their founding texts, just as if we were monks in the monastery as well. I remember once, my friend and I went down to daily puja, which means worship. This worship involved a lot of sounds. They blow horns, there's a drum, and sometimes they chant. We were sitting and meditating in this cacophony of noises, which might surprise some people who don't think that's how you practice, especially meditation-wise. But it was in that moment of being drowned by all these sounds that I found clarity. I realized this is for me.

After being at a monastery and having these experiences, I've recently fully identified as Buddhist. I have my own Buddhist shrine altar. I’m on an interesting journey.

Coming to HDS

As a first-gen college student, I didn't know anything about college. I didn't even know Boston College was Jesuit until I got there, which is ridiculous. I had a theology professor during my freshman year who really helped me figure out that college is meant to explore what you think, not just to get a job. The job will come later, she told me, as long as you find your interests.

This professor, along with my Hinduism professor and another theology professor, helped lay the stepping stones for me. That path ultimately led me to grad school.

As I geared up for grad school applications, I was looking for schools that would support my specific studies. But I also loved the Jesuit values of Boston College, which is very much whole-person oriented. That was something I had in mind as well, that I wanted an environment that would develop me as a person.

I did Diversity and Explorations in 2019, which allowed me to meet some professors and see Harvard Divinity School. Ultimately, this visit, along with my wish to specialize and have interactions with a myriad of different religions and different people, is really what solidified my decision to come to HDS.

Exploring Interests in New Ways

For my senior thesis at BC, I focused on how the participation of women in politics has grown through Hindu nationalism, which is an interesting paradox. When you look at a fundamentalist right-wing type of organization, it usually hearkens back to traditional values. The traditional values of womanhood are to stay in the home. But now you have these women who are fierce proponents of Hindu nationalist politics who are in leadership positions. It's an interesting thing to see. I explored that during my senior thesis, and I’ve explored that more at HDS. In particular, I took a religious nationalism class this past year that gave me a breadth of understanding of religious nationalism, historically and all over the world. It really put my thesis into perspective.

I think one of my favorite classes I took this past year was called Writing South Asia. It was like an everyday English literature class, but focused on South Asian writers. I got to read poetry anthologies, novels, and plays from critical South Asian authors. It was like a breath of fresh air, honestly. Outside of academics, I always read fiction. I appreciated the chance to read genres that I read on my own time in an academic context, as well as the opportunity to gain a different perspective on my studies within South Asia (in particular, a perspective from South Asian voices, rather than from academic texts written by old white men).

Another favorite this past semester was my “Introduction to Buddhist Commentaries” class with Charles Hallisey. We read an entire commentary a week, which is a lot of reading and a lot to process. But the class really helped me understand how to look at what scripture is. We asked, what is text versus scripture? What is the meaning versus my meaning? Can we even use the word scripture in terms of Eastern religions? That class really was a mind-blow.

Remote Learning, Real Challenges

I initially thought I would apply for a Fulbright to continue my undergraduate thesis research after graduation. But unfortunately, I don't know anymore. A lot of that is because of the past year of Zoom University was unkind to me. I was very depressed all this past year because of school online.

I've always been a very driven person, and school has been my life. As a first-gen college student, since I was born, that's what my whole family told me to do. Your only job was to go to college. To not know what I want any more has been a little bit rough. I'm a little lost, and I hope that going back in person, making some connections, and talking with people will help me get back on track.

But among not having a great time this whole past year, a highlight was my Hindi Professor Richard Delacy. We had Hindi class four days a week. It was the most fun, engaging online class ever.

I also enjoyed being a part of the Harvard Buddhist Community's Buddhism and Race speaker series planning committee. We helped organize an eight-month long speaker series, which we’ve been planning since September of last year. All first semester we planned, contacted speakers, and figured out the funding. Since January of this year, we’ve “hosted” one speaker a month to explore different topics relating to the large umbrella of what ‘Buddhism and Race’ entails. A focus has been how we can look at our own practice of Buddhism and the Dharma and apply that to the issue of our time: race and racism.

Looking Forward

I’m really looking forward to being able to meet people and make friends! I didn’t make many because of Zoom and I can’t wait to diversify. I am also really excited to just be a part of the greater Harvard community. In undergrad, I was always going to random events here and there if I had a spare hour and I hope to be able to do the same now. And of course, I am particularly pumped to be continuing my work with HBC’s Buddhism and Race committee as we gear up to plan a dynamic in-person event in spring of 2022!

Interviewed and edited by Gianna Cacciatore; photos courtesy of Chantal Sanchez.

[bangladesh-govt-job-study]

The BCS Civil Services Exam is one of the most prestigious examinations in Bangladesh. It is attempted by lakhs of people throughout the country every year. However, only a tiny fraction of them can fulfil their BCS ambitions. The BCS exam is not only challenging with respect to the length of its syllabus, but it is also daunting because of its exceptionally unpredictable nature.

In this article, you can receive all the info that you need on how best to get ready for the BCS exam, and change your destiny.

The BCS examination can’t be cracked by just being a bookworm. The last stage in the BCS exam process is the personality test around, whereas the BCS board would interview the candidate for assessing his/her personality and its suitability for a career in the employment. This requires an all-round maturation of the individual apart from academic understanding. And, even in academics, the focus should not only be on finishing the syllabus but on constantly acquiring information and insight in the latest happenings/current events inside the nation and beyond.

#How to prepare for BCS exam

This section lists important BCS prep tips for beginners. These tips aim at assisting aspirant invent a well-planned prep strategy for the upcoming BCS 2020 examination.

Tip #1: Prepare Yourself  | BCS Preparation

Before trying to understand how to start preparing for BCS in your home, you should prepare yourself for the journey.

Before starting your preparation, prepare mentally and physically for the exam. Establish objectives and devote time efficiently.

Understand the BCS exam pattern entirely, and rate your BCS prep accordingly.

The BCS examination has three phases — prelims mains along with also the interview.

If you are working and have determined not to stop your job, reevaluate the way you’d devote time for research and chart a program.

Today, with technologies such as the internet, it’s possible to balance both preparation and a job easily.

Watch our YouTube Channel to all the latest movies on BCS planning.

Tip #2: Make a Time Table | BCS Preparation

To become a BCS officer, it is necessary to be like an officer with a well-organized daily routine.

You should decide on a cozy timetable prior to your preparation and adhere to it.

Building a timetable will facilitate your groundwork and make it more streamlined. With deadlines, you would work better and finish the syllabus quicker.

Tip #3: Know the BCS Syllabus | BCS Preparation

The syllabus is the soul of any examination. Knowing the syllabus is the foremost thing to do before you go through the books.

The BCS has provided that the syllabus for the Civil Services Preliminary and Main examination in an elaborate fashion.

Aspirants should know and follow the syllabus for BCS civil service examination. Knowing the syllabus will help you choose relevant study materials, prioritize the subjects, etc..

Tip #4: Newspaper Reading/Current Affairs for BCS | BCS Preparation

The papers are the most essential aspect of the BCS exam.

If you do not read the daily newspaper or adhere to the daily news for the BCS examination, you can’t expect to clear this exam. Therefore, it is extremely important to stick to the relevant news things in your daily newspaper.

Tip #5: Choosing Optional | BCS Preparation

The discretionary subject accounts for 500 marks in the BCS final tally.

Hence, you should choose an optional subject wisely and following a thorough think-through of the pros and cons of the subjects, you have in mind.

A number of the factors to keep in mind before picking an optional would be:

Interest in the Topic

Ahead knowledge in it/academic background

Overlap with the GS newspapers

Tip #6: NCTB Book | BCS Preparation

The NCTB Faculties from classes to twelve play an extremely substantial part in BCS exam preparation.

Aspirants can get basic concepts and theories from NCTB textbooks.

These publications provide the information quite honestly. Furthermore, they are dependable and the origin is the government itself.

In previous years BCS has asked questions straight from NCTB textbooks.

Thus, NCTBs are undoubtedly the best books to begin your BCS preparation with. Get a comprehensive list of all NCTBs necessary for the BCS examination here.

Aside from the NCTBs, it’s also advisable to comply with a few other advanced textbooks.

For much more on which BCS Novels to follow, click here.

Tip #7: Making Notes | BCS Preparation

It’s helpful to create short notes during BCS preparation.

Considering that the BCS syllabus is very vast, it helps to keep a tab on the parts covered and also serves as a ready-reckoner for revision.

You can have separate files or notebooks for separate subjects. Documents are preferred by many because they help adding notes to a subject simpler. This is especially valuable in the event of incorporating present affairs-related information to a certain topic.

Tip #8: Answer Writing Practice | BCS Preparation

The BCS main exam papers are descriptive in nature.

It is mainly about testing your analytical, critical, and communicative skills.

It demands you to believe with conceptual clarity and organize your perspectives, perceptions, and ideas in a perfect way.

Another factor to be considered is that the space and time restriction in the response booklet.

Therefore, candidates have to answer the questions quickly and effectively and in minimum words.

This is not possible without sufficient response writing training.

Tip #9: Overcoming Previous Years’ BCS Query Papers | BCS Preparation

Previous question newspapers would be the most reliable sources of BCS pattern, difficulty level and question type.

You can judge the tendencies in the BCS exam paper readily.

It will also help you realize which regions are the most significant in a particular subject.

Lastly, it’s a fantastic supply of self-assessment on your BCS preparation.

Tip #10: Mock Test Series | BCS Study

Self-assessment is an essential part of BCS preparation.

It can help civil service aspirant in realizing and learning from errors, forming what approach they will need to follow in continuing the preparation and identifying strengths and weaknesses.

It is highly suggested to combine mock test series, particularly if you are preparing from house. This will help you assess your self and help you further.

Tip #11: Important Government Resources | Bcs Study

Your final goal when you are taking the BCS examination will be to work to your Bangladesh government.

Naturally, there are lots of government sources you can depend on during your preparation. Government sites such as the PIB, PRS, and national tv programs featured on the Rajya Sabha TV are extremely helpful. We cover important PIB posts every day.

We also cover important Gist of Rajya Sabha TV programmes for BCS. It is possible to read the Gist of RSTV content here.

Tip #12: Revision | BCS Study

Revision is quite important when you are confronting an exam as tough as the BCS examination.

Since the BCS syllabus is vast and varied, covering multifarious subjects, it’s normal to forget things you had researched earlier.

To avoid this, timely revision is crucial.

Tip #13: BCS Interview | BCS Preparation

As stated previously, the final stage in the BCS examination process is that the BCS interview or Personality Test.

This is an important point in the process and here, it’s something more than academics that will help you.

You will be evaluated on qualities like diplomatic abilities, communication abilities, presence of mind, reaction to pressure, etc..

Tip #14: Stay Positive | BCS Study

You will also be asked questions about your interests, hobbies, schooling and work experience, if any. So, you need to brush up on these aspects.

They contain important information on subjects like polity, governance, agriculture, economy, etc..

You’ll be able to get a gist of the Yojana, Kurukshetra and EPW magazines within our website.

The most important facet of the entire BCS travel is to keep positive.

There are times when it can become quite overwhelming and you’ll feel depressed.

Eliminate negative thoughts from your head and operate on.

Required Books for BCS Preparation | BCS Preparation

Current Affairs (Each Month)

Job Solution (Professor is the best)

Full set Book of Oracle or MP3 (Publications)

Two Preliminary Digest ( Assurance & BCS Inception)

Bangla Grammar & Literature | BCS Study

Bangla Basha o Shahitya Jiggasha Dr. Soumitra Sekhar

BCS Preliminary Bangla Guide MP3

Bangla Grammar Book (Class IX-X) Published by Board.

Lal Nil Dipabali / Bangla Shahityer Jibani Dr. Humayan Azad.

Ogrodut Bangla Mofizul Islam Milon

English Grammar | BCS Study

English for Competitive Exams Md. Fazlul Haque.

An ABC of English Literature Dr. M Mofizar Rahman.

A Passage to English Sentence SM Jakir Hossain

The Anatomy of English Sentence SM Jakir Hossain

English Grammar Wren and Martin

Applied English Grammar and Composition P. C. Das.

Saifur’s Student Vocabulary.

Bangladesh & International Affairs | BCS Preparation

MP3 Bangladesh & International Affairs

Daily Newspapers: Prothom Alo & Daily Star

Monthly Current Affairs

Confidence International

BCS preparation book list: MATH | BCS Preparation

Have to Finish All General Math Books (From Class VI-X)

Khairul’s Math

Zakir’s Math

MP3 Math

For General Science | BCS Study

Preliminary Science Guide Oracle

Have to Finish All Science or General Science Books (From Class VI-X)

Dr. Jamil’s Daily Science

Read Daily Science & Environmental Pages from the Daily Newspapers

Computer Knowledge for BCS | BCS Study

Easy Computer Easy Publications

ICT Board Books from Class IX,X,XI,XI I

BCS Mental Ability Books | BCS Preparation

Professor Mental Ability

Khairul’s or Oracle Mental Ability

Morality and Values and Good Governance | BCS Preparation

Secondary & Higher Secondary Pouroniti (1st and 2nd)

Assurance Guide

Geography, Environment and Disaster Management | BCS Preparation

Secondary Geography and Environmental Science(9th-10th)

Assurance Guide

Frequently Asked Questions on BCS Exam Preparation

Can I prepare for BCS at home?

You can, should you choose the ideal steps towards BCS prep. With online sources and strategy available, you can easily prepare yourself for the BCS test at home. With focus and commitment, and the ideal advice, it is possible to clear the BCS examination.

How to prepare for BCS at home?

Follow the Actions outlined below to kickstart your BCS preparation in your home:

Understand the BCS routine and process first.

Go throughout the BCS syllabus thoroughly.

Start reading a couple books and see video lectures on the internet for a few essential subjects like polity, history, geography, etc.

Read the newspaper frequently.

Chart out a prep time table and follow it rigorously.

Enroll to get a fantastic test series and get answer writing training.

Is 1 year enough for BCS preparation?

1 year is sufficient for BCS prep if you prepare.

How can I start my BCS preparation during graduation?

You can begin your BCS preparation during collaboration itself. All you must do is go through the syllabus and graph out a research plan for BCS. Beginning early has many advantages. You will have age on your side because the BCS age limit will probably be far away. Additionally, being young and still a student, you would be connected with academics, giving you an advantage over older opponents. Additionally, being in school, you can make use of your college library for your own preparation. And, make certain you take part in college fests and events as this experience can allow you to build a well-rounded character, and make up for your lack of job experience in case you clear the exam right after your school!

How to prepare for BCS exam after 12th?

If you are beginning your groundwork after 12th, you have the benefit of choosing a subject for cooperation that will be suitable for your BCS preparation. You can opt for graduation in areas like political science, history or sociology — subjects which will allow you to cover the BCS syllabus at a better way. This way, you can easily combine your graduation studies and BCS prep. Additionally, you’ve got enough time to hone your soft skills like communication skills and also develop a good hobby — both of which would aid you in the interview stage.

How to prepare for BCS while doing engineering?

Many candidates have cleared the BCS exam preparing for this while they were engineering students. Even though it can get hectic, it isn’t impossible. With a full-fledged plan and the correct guidance, it is likely to crack the toughest exam in Bangladesh while in technology school.

How can I apply for the BCS exam?

The BCS exam 2020 is already underway. The BCS 2020 will probably be held next year. You can apply for the 2020 prelims examination after the BCS Notification 2020 is outside. Visit our BCS Notifications page regularly. We update all of the relevant BCS news and information you need to understand.

[electronicneutrino]

i mean i’ve actually looked at a ton of diagnostic criteria but this this one gives specific points/actions/feelings just kinda bolds ones i feel and italics ones when younger/pretty sure but not completely

from here 

Check off all areas that strongly apply to the person. If each area has 75%-80% of the statements checked, or more, then you may want to consider that the female may have Asperger’s Syndrome.

Section A: Deep Thinkers

1. A deep thinker

2. A prolific writer drawn to poetry

3. Highly intelligent

4. Sees things at multiple levels including thinking processes.

5. Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything continually. [ continuously asks questions. even when tired. especially when tired ] 

6. Serious and matter-of-fact in nature.

7. Doesn’t take things for granted.

8. Doesn’t simplify.

9. Everything is complex.

10. Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out.” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

1. Naïve

2. Honest [ I mean if you ask ‘what do you think of ___’ i’d be honest but if there’s a practical purpose eg. avoiding getting into trouble/some tiresome outcome, I’d lie] 

3. Experiences trouble with lying. [I can lie just fine with a script but otherwise. ehhh] 

4. Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty. 

5. Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation.

6. Easily fooled and conned.

7. Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed

8. Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet

9. Feelings of isolation

10. Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone.

Section C: Escape and Friendship

1. Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action.

2. Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects.

3. Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming.

4. Escapes through mental processing.

5. Escapes through the rhythm of words.

6. Philosophizes continually.

7. Had imaginary friends in youth.

8. Imitates people on television or in movies.

9. Treated friends as “pawns” in youth, e.g., friends were “students,” “consumers,” “soldiers.”

10. Makes friends with older or younger females.

11. Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, and manner.

12. Obsessively collects and organizes objects. [ mostly just digital stuff though, but I do like organizing books] 

13. Mastered imitation.

14. Escapes by playing the same music over and over.

15. Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real).

16. Numbers bring ease.

17. Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging.

18. Escapes into other rooms at parties.

19. Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts.

20. Everything has a purpose.

Section D: Comorbid Attributes

1. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

2. Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste)

3. Generalized Anxiety [ when I was in elementary school I had a near constant fear of my house burning down]

4. Sense of pending danger or doom [ again esp when younger] 

5. Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)

6. Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination

7. Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten. [ idk if it really conts though but esp when younger ‘what is that black thing in my rice. is it a fly. or just pepper. can i eat it’] 

8. Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues [ I keep getting stomache aches esp when younger idk why] 

9. Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges

10. Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with other mental illness and/or labeled hypochondriac.

11. Questions place in the world.

12. Often drops small objects

13. Wonders who she is and what is expected of her.

14. Searches for right and wrong.

15. Since puberty, has had bouts of depression. 

16. Flicks/rubs fingernails, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, and/or clears throat often.

Section E: Social Interaction

1. Friends have ended friendship suddenly and without person understanding why. [ somehow said something offensive in gr 8 and even now I sTILL don’t know what I said wrong I just meant ‘hey do what you want’???] 

2. Tendency to over-share.

3. Spills intimate details to strangers. [ does posting on tumblr count ] 

4. Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class. [ raised hand for everything I knew esp in elementary school] 

5. Little impulse control with speaking when younger.

6. Monopolizes conversation at times. 

7. Bring subject back to self. [ esp when younger, now it’s ask others lots of questions to avoid seeming self centered] 

8. Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling. (Is not narcissistic.) [ idk though but I don’t think so? ] 

9. Shares in order to reach out.

10. Sounds eager and over-zealous at times. [ may be? idk ] 

11. Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside.

12. Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly.”

13. Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest.

14. Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, and posture in conversation.

15. Conversation can be exhausting.

16. Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually.

17. Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-“filter”

18. Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people.

19. Visualizes and practices how she will act around others.

20. Practices in mind what she will say to another before entering the room.

21. Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others.

22. Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situations.

23. Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, or different from others. [ i think usually I just laugh to myself when I think up something funny that I expect not funny to others. I have this reoccuring joke to myself that I should read a book on social ettiquette. It’s funny bc it’s something I would actually do. ] 

24. As a child, it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk. [ idk but I think??? ]

25. She finds norms of conversation confusing.

Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone

1. Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house.

2. One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat.

3. Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety.

4. Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar.

5. Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up.

6. All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about.

7. She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments.

8. Question next steps and movements continually.

9. Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk doesn’t often alleviate anxiety.

10. Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind.

11. Requires a large amount of down time or alone time.

12. Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest.

13. Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms.

14. Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, or crowded theater.

Section G: Sensitive

1. Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep.

2. Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort. [ cOULD NEVER FALL ASLEEP BC OF THAT ESP WHEN YOUNGER. IT SUCKED. ] 

3. Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature.

4. Highly intuitive to others’ feelings. [???] 

5. Takes criticism to heart. [ i mean I really really try not to now though ] 

6. Longs to be seen, heard, and understood.

7. Questions if she is a “normal” person.

8. Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions.

9. At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words.

10. Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily.

11. Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work. [ less so now] 

12. Views many things as an extension of self.

13. Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment. [ less so now ] 

14. Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people.

15. Collects or rescues animals. (often in childhood)

16. Huge compassion for suffering.

17. Sensitive to substances. (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, etc.)

18. Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action.

19. Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person.

20. Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts.

Section H: Sense of Self

1. Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in.

2. Imitates others without realizing.

3. Suppresses true wishes.

4. Exhibits codependent behaviors.

5. Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule.

6.  Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms.

7. Feelings of extreme isolation.

8. Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work. [ but i mean. depression ]

9. Switches preferences based on environment and other people.

10. Switches behavior based on environment and other people.

11. Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her.

12. “Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later.

13. Young sounding voice

14. Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces).

Section I: Confusion

1. Had a hard time learning others are not always honest. [ esp when young though tbh by this point bc + depression/maybe anxiety it’s more like. wonders if everyone is being nice bc it’s socially expected or if they actually like me] 

2. Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable. (self’s and others’)

3.  Confuses appointment times, numbers, or dates.

4. Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest.

5. Spoke frankly and literally in youth.

6. Jokes go over the head. [ ‘IT’S A JOKE YOU CAN LAUGH NOW’ ] 

7. Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray. [ moreso when younger [ 

8. Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme.

9. Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike. [ i mean I still hate/dislike things it just takes a lot for me to hate/dislike something esp when younger]  

10. Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her.

11. Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity.

12. Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white.

13. The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood. (All or nothing mentality)

14. A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world.

15. A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss.

Section J: Words and Patterns

1. Likes to know word origins.

2. Confused when there is more than one meaning to a word.

3. High interest in songs and song lyrics.

4. Notices patterns frequently.

5. Remembers things in visual pictures.

6. Remembers exact details about someone’s life. [ tbh lowkey one of my hobbies just memorizing my friend’s time tables ] 

7. Has a remarkable memory for certain details.

8. Writes or creates to relieve anxiety.

9. Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words.

10. Words bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship.

(Optional) Executive Functioning   This area isn’t always as evident as other areas

1. Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship.

2. Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome. [ look I know I need to get a driver’s licenece but the idea of. driving a car. is very scary. so much stuff to focus on ] 

3. New places offer their own set of challenges.

4. Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic.

5. The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety.

6. Mundane tasks are avoided.

7. Cleaning may seem insurmountable at times.

8. Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task.

9. Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia. [ i mean that’s mostly bc i don’t care enough ] 

10. A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming. [ yes but mostly only when i’m really tired ] 

11. Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class.

12. Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house, but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are.