#i have an extremely love hate relationship with fallout 4 and this is HATE

[breadandblankets]

you know that feeling when you know a lot about something, be it your profession or a special interest, that you can't engage with a certain piece of media/content/whathave you because its so wrong it's grating?

for me its watching Allie Fallout4 say "we scratch and scrape for every precious ounce of voltage" and trying not to go into a blood rage.

[turtlemagnum]

INTERESTS: writing, music, art in general, anime, games (both video and tabletop), animals, linguistics, mythology/theology, philosophical bullshit, making fun of philosophical bullshit, politics, guns (and other varieties of weapon), tech, vulgarity and misanthropy

writing: i'm a writer!! that's like, what i'm best at at the moment. my Main Project is a fantasy setting that i generally either refer to as Winds of Change (for the whole deal) or Arana (the main continent that i've developed so far). i'm currently developing a game to show it off and make other people as feral about it as i am, so i'm also learning how to make music and draw and such. but, at the moment the only skill i'd consider myself competent in is writing, so i primarily just call myself a writer!!

music: my taste is simultaneously deeply eclectic but also tends towards high amounts of specificity. i would say that my "main" genre is progressive rock and some of its derivatives, but i also love a lot of stuff like funk, soul, a small amount of metal, some IDM, whatever the hell death grips is, some early rap (mostly just NWA since that was what i grew up on), occasional jazz, like 2 indie bands, oldies, and on occasion normal people rock. artists i like include but are not limited to: yes, david bowie, king crimson, jimi hendrix, danny elfman, symphony x, dio, death grips, aphex twin, nwa, nat king cole, marty robbins, lemon demon, tally hall, jethro tull, midas, and masayoshi takanaka. i'm also told i have a nice singing voice, but i'm personally biased against such suppositions.

i like art, if you were to look through my likes (which are NOT VISIBLE ON THE TUMBR) it'd have a good amount of art. what that art is of, i'll leave to your imagination. i'm not great at drawing but i'm getting better!!

i like some varieties of anime and anime adjacent things. i'm not like, one of those anime fans though, y'know. in terms of series i like, i'd say i'm a fan of fist of the north star (i need to pick it up again), cowboy bebop (very controversial, i know(also need to pick it up again)), fullmetal alchemist (good series, one of the few i have finished), jojo (i haven't watched part 6 yet but i read the manga all the way into the end of part 7 just after part 4 had finished airing), early gen pokemon is something i come back to on occasion for mostly nostalgic reasons, i'm getting back into dragon ball (kill me), i liked gunsmith cats (the anime was only 3 episodes, you can watch it on youtube, i need to read the manga though), i somewhat recently read thru the entire original yu-gi-oh manga and was surprised at how good it was, and i read a lot of doujins!

i'm a gamer!!!!!!! i mostly love nintendo shit and PC games, and some series i'm into include zelda (arguably my first game series i was Way Into), fallout (mostly new vegas), elder scrolls (deeply love hate relationship), early pokemon, mario, the first deus ex game, portal, kotor, half life, S.T.A.L.K.E.R., a smattering of indie shit (primarily UTDR stuff), a bit of GTA, thief, pathologic, disco elysium, and MGS. i also like TTRPGs but being Extremely Alone, i'm basically screwed!!

i like animals of basically all varieties. definitely a dog person, though i also love cats.

linguistics is cool but i'm also Fucking Stupid so i haven't really gained much past a fairly surface level knowledge. doesn't stop me from trying!

mythology is cool! philosophy is cool too! to be clear i view the vast majority of it as bullshit and not to be taken seriously, but it's still interesting to think about at least!

like most human beings living in the modern age, i have a lot of very strong political views. however, i don't like to ascribe labels to myself since people generally hear the label and just fill in the blanks of what they already believe and go deaf to everything else you have to say. i feel like my stances should be fairly obvious if you listen to what i have to say, but here's my main deal in regards to this: i like freedom, not in the typical american way that's basically glorified grandstanding with deeply authoritarian tendencies, but in more of a way where i like the idea of people being able to live how they want without a threat of starving and such. i abhor bigotry, though it's very easy to say that i suppose. i try to be open minded and tend towards a live and let live attitude, y'know. i also oppose imperialism and authoritarianism, but i feel as though that should be considered the baseline

huge gun nerd. i've got Gun Autism, babey!!! don't worry, i'm not One Of Those gun people, i mostly just appreciate them from a technical level. i post a lot about guns, so if you don't like that you can either block the tag #turtlegunrant or just not follow!!!!!!!

tech, much like linguistics, is something i like quite a bit but aren't smart enough to Actually Understand. i'm also the variety of tech enthusiast who's a paranoid shithead, so i'm definitely more of a PC guy. i actually fucking hate touch screens, so i hate phones (which i know is rare for somebody born in this century). i love torrenting, piracy, and just generally downloading and archiving shit

[pearl484-blog]

Things you can do with Adrien/Kagami post-relationship

As a follow up on my things you can do with Adrien/Marinette post-relationship post, and to give fanfic writers free ideas, here are some things you can do with them post relationship. 

One of the things I hated about Season 4 is that it only gave Lukanette and Adrigami a montage. I am not a shiper of either of them, but come on. Not showing them was a missed oppurtunity. So, it is the duty of fanfic authors to do so. 

1. Adrien knows Kagami is Ryuko and Kagami does not know that. Have Adrien reveal that he knows about Ryuko, and examine the fallout. (My personal favorite reason for this is to give an excuse as to why he avoids Kagami during an akuma fight, so Ladybug will give her a chance to fight, but there are so many possibilities.)

2. Adrien has issues with consent and boundaries, and Kagami is very assertive. Adrien seems to prefer slow and steady with an emphasis on romance and sentimentatlity, while Kagami likes to be passionate and hates hesitation. These drastic differences in preferred relationship speeds could provide a lot of drama about dates, how they express their affection towards each other, and add tension to their relationship. Especially since unlike Marinette, Adrien can’t fool Kagami. She knows when he’s upset, and she’d probably interpret his reluctance at moving at Kagami’s speed with a disinterest in her. So she’d likely confront him, and Adrien would either have to confront his fear of voicing his objections or losing Kagami. 

3. Adrien gets depression in Season 4 because he feels as though he’s not needed. Kagami comes from Japan, a culture that heavily stigmatizes mental illness- and I doubt her mom is willing to teach her daughter to overcome those biases, with the type of woman she is. How will Kagami take his depression? How will she react? She seems like a fixer. What would her attempts be? Kagami herself struggles with several of the same things that Adrien does: loneliness, a need to fulfill extremely high expectations, similiar parents. Would that help her empathize or would that drive her to struggle more with Adrien’s condition as she doesn’t feel depression? Would Adrien’s depression pull her down as well? After all, like Adrien, Kagami has very few protective factors. Her family isn’t very supportive; she has few friends, and she’s only been in Paris for a little while, so she may be feeling extra isolated and without roots.  

4. Kagami isn’t free from depression. As I mentioned before, like Adrien, her protection factors for it are low and limited. If Kagami starts suffering from depression, how will Adrien react? He’s very empathetic so he’d probably understand immediately, but that stuff can be hard to deal with? Would he be patient and stay by her side, helping her get out of it step by step? Or would he try, and upon a series of failures, feel useless and hopeless? Would he like being the strong one in the relationship? And if he is, would he go the route he has with Ladybug and never reveal his insecurities and weak points?

5. Fluffy stuff. Adrien and Kagami bonding over romantic manga and fencing. They seem to enjoy that stuff (Chat Noir is a romantic, and his first choice of a movie to watch with Ladybug is a rom-com. While Kagami doesn’t typically partake in a lot of romance, she did read a romantic manga, even if unknowingly.) It’s a good way to bond.  

6. Adrien loves Kagami’s art (or at the very least he’s rightfully impressed), so he could model. While this is covered in Lies, you could show it in more progressive steps, as Kagami and Adrien discuss how they see Adrien as he poses, with Adrien trying so hard to please her, and Kagami getting more and more frustrated with not seeing the real Adrien. What will happen after several attempts? Will Adrien finally confess his identity crisis? And if he does, how will Kagami react? Will she act like she knows who he is, or will she help him figure out for himself?

7.  Adrien and Kagami are both skilled fencers who must compete sometimes. How will these competitions affect their relationships? After all, Kagami will likely accept nothing less than Adrien’s best, but Chat Noir struggles with fighting Ladybug (Gamer 2.0). Will he struggle fighting with Kagami or will he fight harder, as that’s a way for them to bond?

8. Kagami likes to encourage Adrien’s more impulsive, selfish side. How will that change Adrien? How will Kagami react upon seeing his darker traits like his jealousy and pettiness? Will she be pleased or realize that the Adrien isn’t who she thought he was?

9. It’s strongly implied that Gabriel and Tomoe want Adrien and Kagami to be together. What if their relationship is akin to an arranged marriage? What happens if the two find out? Will it hurt the relationship? Will they both have the same struggles with that information or will one of them take it harder than the other? And if they don’t care, will people around them care if they find out?

10. Relating to the arranged marriage idea above, if both Kagami and Adrien are senti-monsters, will that lead to them questioning whether or not their love is real? Will that matter to them? Will they break up over it, or decide regardless of if it’s their choice, they still love each other, and they want to stay together? How will anyone else around them react? 

11. Both Kagami and Adrien are weathy, upperclass kids who aer taught really bad habits by their parent. What will they struggle with? Are they the same things? If they become independent, are there any skills their parent didn’t teach them that they struggle with?

12. If Tomoe lost her sight to a genetic issue and Kagami is human, how will she and Adrien handle her upcoming blindness? It isn’t Adrien’s first go round with a disability, what with his mom and all, but I doubt he’ll be keenly aware of every accommodation and mess up somewhere. Will Kagami appreciate his relaxed demeanor about it, and if she does, will that make her more easily overlook his mistake or cause her feelings of betrayal to sting worse?

13. If both Kagami and Adrien are senti-monsters, what about children? If two sentimonsters make a baby, will it too be a senti-monster? If it is, what about it’s amok? Or will it be human? Will they be able to concieve at all? What will Adrien and Kagami’s concerns about the baby be? What do they think will happen about pregnancy? If they think they can’t concieve, will they use protection? If they think the baby will be a senti-monster, will they avoid it? Will they adopt to raise a baby?

[box16]

extremely personal extremely long rambling related to last post under the cut. cw for brief mentions of emotional/intentionally vague self harm and age gaps and relationship abuse

like. GOD. god in 2018-2019 i hated myself so much (and in 2019 was dealing with not only being freshly out of a relationship with a 4 year age gap into a rebound abusive relationship but also what i can only describe as the fallout of 2018′s Catastrophic Massive Fucking Winceworthy Oopsie) and my entire sense of self was based on making myself Feel bad or having my ex boyfriend make ME feel bad for generally harmless things. and that made me Depressed As Fuck! and i was (and still am) generally very socially isolated both from having all the people i thought were my friends turn around and turn out to be massive fucking exclusionists during a point of my life where i identified as aroace and from generally just having forcefully pushed away everyone i had known in 2017 and 2018 so it was just me, informal tumblr mutuals and my boyfriend, who constantly made me Feel Bad and like i was worthless when i was not [REDACTED].

and then in late 2019 early 2020 i Finally reached out and made friends one of which would turn out to be my now girlfriend and being surrounded by people who actually cared about me and loved me and didnt want to merely Exploit me or use me after an entire year of just thinking i was good for being Used was so fucking insane. but it was also so. fucking. uncomfortable. because i was still stuck with my “YOU NEED TO FIGHT EVERYONE AND BE ANTAGONISTIC BUT ALSO EXTREMELY SUBMISSIVE TO EVERYONE WHO YOU LOVE SO THEY DONT END UP HATING YOU” instincts and as you can imagine it ended up with me feeling EXTREMELY detached from everyone around me and i STILL hated myself. because nothing about my mentality had changed. i was in a better place and i was cared for but i still wasnt out of the ‘i hate myself and i need to hurt myself to redeem myself’ zone mentally

which means!! that i was BARELY improving if at all through those two years!! because my idea of improving was some fucking biblical “hurt yourself into a better version of yourself” bullshit which DOES!!!!  NOT!!!!!!!   WORK!!!!!!!!!!

mid 2020 was when i FINALLY peeled myself away from my ex socially and began putting in effort into my relationships and bettering myself as a person and being kinder to myself and to others because i realized that Hey, I Don’t Deserve This, I’m Not Getting Better While This Is Happening, I Need To Do Something Different!

and although ive lost most of my friends from 2020-2021 if only because we simply Could not get along or had differing views on things that were dealbreakers for either of us, i had come out of it with actually being able to take care of myself and not be devastated/essentially guilt tripping people whenever one of my loved ones brought a concern up to me. and also october 11th 2020 generally patched a hole in my soul like emotionally/mentally but thats another story

umm umm where am i going with this. OH YEAH on new years eve 2021 i finally fully ripped the bandaid and cut contact with my ex (which was a whole fucking deal that i dont care to get into but it was also a huge fucking weight off my shoulders) and i havent self harmed since 2020 save for like. occasionally banging my head when i get REALLY frustrated. and now in 2022 im finally letting myself process the last.. (counting) 4 years of my life and its ..  a lot. but i love myself. and i love those who love me. and i have hope for myself. and i didnt deserve anything that i put myself through. and im very happy to .TATA GET OFF MY KEYBOARD To finally be able to realize that. and i know things will only get better and i will only get better

[radramblog]

What happened to Dirk in Homestuck^2?

Why am I doing this to myself.

I memed a little yesterday when I was posting that article around social medias about Homestuck jokes, because once again we are in lockdown and I am therefore Stuck at Home. Canned laughter goes here. But there’s a topic related to the comic- or more specifically, its aborted sequel, Homestuck^2, that I’m interested in delving into a little bit. I’m going to avoid talking about spoilers as much as possible, but considering said comic takes place not only after the events of the massive sprawl that is Homestuck but also the more linear but still messy Epilogues, some amount of sus shit is inevitable.

Anyway. Much maligned is what the Epilogues and 2 did to everyone’s favourite decapitation target, Dirk Strider, and I have a theory as to why it happened this way.

To begin with, let’s summarise what and who Dirk is through the course of the comics. Fair warning from me, though, it’s been a while since I read through this.

Dirk Strider is a teenager who grew up in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, completely devoid of physical contact with other people and only really ever gets to talk to 3 other people, only one of whom is in anything remotely resembling a relatable situation. He struggles with self-identity, having created numerous robots including an artificial intelligence based on his own brain, aka Lil’ Hal. He’s somewhat of a control freak, and a bit of a cold aloof asshole, but means well, and is pretty gay. NBD. The kinda guy to set up a plan meticulously and thoroughly, not informing any of the moving parts even if said parts are his friends, and often involving some form of self-sacrifice.

Throughout the comic he further reckons with self-identity problems and his own self-loathing including entering a relationship with Jake which doesn’t go well and he eventually breaks off since he knows his overbearing and manipulative behaviour is Not Cool and Pretty Toxic but doesn’t know how to shut it off. Eventually he reaches the God Tier as a Prince of Heart, gaining the power to literally annihilate souls, which he never actually uses since he gets yeeted into deep (Paradox) space and then everything goes to shit. Except none of that happens because of the Retcon (aside from the God Tier bit) and we don’t actually see how that shit progressed in the canon timeline. I think. Dirk’s arc, as it were, doesn’t really come full circle- while he does assist in Dave’s character…growth? he really isn’t the focus of that conversation. This immediately precedes the action climax and there isn’t literally any dialogue after that so that’s what we’re left with.

I like Dirk in Homestuck a lot. It’s hard not to, considering the flashes heavily featuring him (Unite/Synchronise and Prince of Heart: Rise Up) are genuinely excellent, along with many of his music themes being absolute bangers. He gets to interact with Caliborn a lot, with a pretty great banter, there, and the whole splintered personality thing is a really interesting hook for a character. I think he’s my favourite of the Alpha kids, a controversial pick considering I know everyone loves Roxy so much. I think, I’m not as in tune with the fandom as that statement implies I am.

And then the Epilogues/Homestuck 2 came.

Now I read the Meat half of the epilogues first, but that’s more interesting, so we’ll tackle Candy first (this is going to get real confusing for those who haven’t read this comic, huh).

In Candy, Dirk almost immediately kills himself, citing the irrelevance of the timeline as cause, an act considered by whatever mechanism governs God Tier deaths to be Just because he hates himself (and also bc of things we’ll get into), so it actually sticks. This isn’t super relevant for the discussion, but that’s just kinda so unbelievably fucked up? Entirely? I’d imagine if you read Candy first you might get entirely turned off by this, which I’m sure a lot of people did.

Meat is where the, well, meat of post-canon Dirk is. You see, a concept very quickly introduced in the tail end of the original comic is the Ultimate Self, an idea where you somehow encompass every different timeline iteration or alternate version of yourself. This was pretty clearly tacked on to make it so characters whose arcs all happened in the retcon timeline could have their not getting an actual arc explained away, but it didn’t land then and it sure doesn’t land for me now. Anyway, in Meat, Dirk becomes his ultimate self, making him near-omniscient and able to control the fabric of the story himself- for much of this story, he is the narrator. And he uses this power to fuck with all his friends really distressingly without their knowledge (or consent), including breaking up a marriage, in order to further his own goals which largely appear to be just keep the story going so to not fade out of relevance. It’s a plot that makes no sense with his previous characterisation, but I guess now that he’s the Ultimate Self he’s a different person? But I liked old Dirk, and I don’t like New Dirk. He’s a villain now, but he made a much better anti-hero.

But this would be fine if he (or the epilogues, or Homestuck^2) were written well. But they aren’t. Dirk’s dialogue is long, painfully drawn out, with tangents that tend to amount to pure wank, misused literary references and pointless metaphors that go on and on, filling the screen with a bright orange screed that hurts to look at as much as it does to comprehend. It’s not fun. And we’ve seen Dirk communicate before, obviously, the story of Homestuck is built around chatlogs, but it wasn’t like this. He was sarcastic, dryly witty, blunt at times. Even when he was literally talking to a different version of himself it didn’t get that masturbatory.

I was so confused about what the hell happened to Dirk, because I had no idea what the hell someone writing this character was thinking when they turned him into this. And then, the 21st page of Homestuck^2 dropped.

And it all came together.

What Ultimate Dirk and Terezi are referring to is Pony Pals: Detective Pony, a children’s book about some girls who hang out with ponies and solve a mystery. It’s a real book, buy it for your 5-year-old.

Except they’re not referring to that, they’re referring to the Homestuck Canon version of Detective Pony- a birthday gift from Dirk to Jane, heavily edited and to be much more obscene and eventually developing into it’s own story, stated to be “tough, emotionally draining, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible”.

Except the quote “Remember Longcat, Jane?” and references to philosophy, dead languages, and ancient earth culture aren’t referring to the three pages of the Dirk-edited Detective Pony we see in the actual comic itself. That quote doesn’t appear there.

That image is from Detective Pony, by Sonnetstuck- the 40,000 word fanfiction from 2014 that serves as a completed version of Jane’s copy of the book. An expansion of what we see in canon. And it’s a tough, emotionally draining read, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible.

It’s a very good fanfiction.

In the later bits of Detective Pony, we can start to see the origins of what would become Ultimate Dirk’s signature style of writing. Long blocks of rambling text, orange dripping down the page, references to philosophy and history and language that go on and on. And it probably does look familiar to those who read the Epilogues and ^2. 

But there are a couple of key differences here. First of all, it’s just better written? The way these rambles circle back on themselves is so excellent, the absolute absurdity of this being written on top of a pony book for little girls, the humour (beyond some of the more immature stuff), it’s just a really well-written piece of fiction. Hell, you don’t even need to be familiar with the character of Dirk to enjoy it. It’s a harrowing piece, but it’s also self-aware- because it’s not supposed to be tough, draining, cathartic etc. just for Jane- it’s clearly that for Dirk himself.

The second part is, of course, that this is a fanfiction. It’s not canon, it’s not official, this is by someone who really likes Dirk for people who really like Dirk. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so if you bounce off it (and I’m sure a lot did), then you don’t have to keep reading it, it’s fine, thanks for playing. As much as Homestuck^2 tried to doll itself up as “dubiously canon” it’s still the official continuation of the story, and that means if it’s as difficult to get into as Detective Pony, that’s going to be a problem for a lot of people.

The other part of it is that Detective Pony’s exploration of Dirk’s character is, well, in character. When the man himself steps in as a character in his own book, the explorations of what he is as an author, who he is as a person, make perfect sense for what we see of him at the start of the comic. He is that manipulative, blunt person, and he is aware of his faults. He’s the kind of person to hide a lamentation on his own failings inside an impenetrable maze of a story layered on top of a book about fucking ponies. Ultimate Dirk does not act like Dirk, outside of the “manipulator” angle, something that Dirk was aware of and trying to improve in the comic. But I guess people don’t have arcs, right?

It’s so interesting to see the seeds of Homestuck^2 laden within Detective Pony- because the meta angle that and the epilogues take is also represented in said fanfiction. While the nature of canon is a facet of the work, the idea of authors and narrators fighting for control of a story, different ideas in mind for the characters, one being more personally connected to them than the other, it’s all there. When I wrote about Fallout 4 in the past, I mentioned being worried that Bethesda took the wrong lessons from Skyrim- seeing something successful and trying to recapture that lightning in a bottle. I think Homestuck^2 is an extreme example of this- the writers of the comic saw Sonnetstuck’s masterwork and thought, yeah that’s great, we can do that. But they just can’t. And with the comic crashed and burning, the probably won’t ever get a chance to. Dirk is forever stuck as this amalgamation of himself that looks nothing like any individual version of him ever did.

At least we will still have Detective Pony, and many other excellent fanworks, for actually good Dirk content. I admittedly haven’t looked into much fanfic written during/post-epilogues, and I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll see- I can only hope the fanbase didn’t take the same wrong lessons as the official team did.

[friendlifyre]

4 years ago i rejoined an old fanbase and met someone i was immediately infatuated with. we became really close friends really fast and over the months a lot of the things that used to belong to each of us had become ‘our’ things as we shared many with one another without restraint.

3 years ago i finally decided to attend one of the shows put on by an extremely popular local music festival seeing as one of the bands playing was one that me and this person had been enjoying together for some time. the entire process made me very wistful, however, as i deeply wished this person could have been attending with me. there ended up being a big thunderstorm that night, and they had to cancel the show after two songs.

2 years ago they announced the festival lineup and this band was set to return. we had talked about this person coming to visit me the same summer, so of course it seemed like an obvious decision to have them over at the same time the festival was going. they bought their plane tickets very prematurely though, considering there had been severe issues with our relationship for months by that point that we both knew and agreed we needed to talk about and sort through. i assumed they were just confident that we could fix things by the time they traveled here, until the rise of covid started threatening to cancel events and such, which strongly upset this person as they were worried the show would be canceled. i remember trying to reassure them while also being really hurt by their attitude, as it felt like they cared more to see this band than they did meeting up with me. i got confirmation of this a couple of months later, after we had a definitive fallout and they sent me a text telling me very explicitly how much they hated me and how glad they were that i wasnt gonna have ruined this experience for them after all. i wasnt able to listen to any of that music for months.

last year i started dating my current partner who, for months, had been unknowingly helping me reclaim so many of the things id had to let go of in the previous year because id allowed them to become an ‘our thing’ between me and that other person, including music. just getting to have my partner in my life and talking to them every day whether it was before or after we started dating has been so healing and constructive for me. ive been able to maintain a much healthier approach to most issues arising in my life this past year, because i can feel that their love is real and not hinging on something as fleeting as a common interest, and because i know i can always turn to them to talk things out openly and honestly whether its about us or something else. having this kind of positive and trustworthy presence in my life has helped me learn so much about myself and how to handle myself with other people, as i no longer have this constant paranoia that people who matter to me could get rid of me at the drop of a hat. ive been able to keep it together through tough times that i know for a fact would have broken me to my core two years ago. im still learning, i will always be a work in progress, but i can say with certainty that i have objectively improved.

today im finally seeing that band play, once and for all. im going for no one but myself and nothing can take that away from me anymore.

[wingsy-keeper-of-songs]

✨,☀️,💔,❤️,🐍,🧨 for any ocs of your choosing ;)

Ahh bless you for these thanks! I think I'll divvy these up between my two Fallout 4 gals, Norah my Sole Survivor and Juliet who is a synth OC.

I'll start with Norah first!

✨ - prominent features: Norah has a small smattering of freckles across her shoulders (which she hates) and two light beauty marks; one by her left eye and the other near the right corner of her lips.

☀️ - happiness: One surefire way to cheer her up or make her day is hanging around her Minuteman homies and doing light chems with Mama Murphey and Hancock

💔 - past relationships: Norah's had her fair share of relationships with both men and women. Her marriage to Nate was largely of convenience as Nate was "gayer than Paris in the springtime" but his parents (specifically his former military father) did not approve. But she loved him all the same as her best friend.

❤️ - easy to love: Norah is largely a lovable person. She's extremely outgoing and passionate and has a fun sense of humor. But her emotions are A Lot as in she can go from 0-100 very quickly

🐍- backstabbing: She's been backstabbed a few times, honestly. I think the one that hurt her the most though was when she went to Elder Maxson to plead for Danse's life and Maxson lied about ordering a stay of execution. He sends Brotherhood field soldiers to follow her after she leaves so they can find and kill Danse.

🧨 - random Angst: Norah has extreme claustrophobia and a deep-seated hatred for Vaults after her experience in 111. She will not go into a Vault alone because of this. She needs to have someone with her or she'll freeze up

And now for Juliet!

✨ - Julie's most prominent feature are her large eyes. They're basically Elizabeth Taylor eyes but there's something like a weird other worldliness to them

☀️ - She adores flowers, particularly asters. She likes to collect them and braid them into chains for her friends or into her hair

💔 - Julie's memories are scrambled due to a half-assed Memory Wipe by a Railroad member who blamed her for the Switchboard disaster, so she has very few memories of past relationships if any at all.

❤️ - Juliet is a gentle and kind person and tends to befriend just about anyone she meets. It's pretty easy to love her and earns her the title of "Fairytale Princess of the Commonwealth (long may she reign)" courtesy of Deacon

🐍- Juliet is a memory wiped ex-Courser, and according to X6-88, she backstabbed the Institute by defecting before the Switchboard disaster. She was in turn betrayed by the people she went to for help by doing only a partial memory wipe which leads to some Problems that I'll mention more of below

🧨- So because her memory wipe was half-assed by a vindictive Railroad agent, Juliet has strange nightmares about her time as a Courser without really knowing she was one. She has a lot of trouble sleeping because of this which causes her overall health to be rather frail

[katsidhe]

Ranking Every SPN Midseason Premiere

15) 10.10 The Hunter Games. Wow, this one is real bad. Has not one, not two, but three subplots I either don’t care about or actively despise: Claire bonding with Cas (uh, he’s wearing her dad’s corpse), Rowena’s petty infighting with Crowley (bleh why), and Metatron smugly egging on Dean’s violence (why would he care?). This is deep in the slog of s10 episodes that go nowhere fast.

14) 13.10 Wayward Sisters. Is it clear yet that I really don’t like Claire episodes? Sam and Dean roasting lizards is the only real moment of fun here. I liked Kaia, so I hated that she gets used as Claire’s insta-friend/retconned love interest in order to immediately fridge her for the backdoor pilot… so that Claire, who was orphaned young, can understand loss, I guess? Pointless and unimaginative. I also resent the deeply, deeply directionless magic spear/Alt!Kaia subplot that eats up, like, four other episodes in s14-15 and accomplishes exactly nothing.

13) 3.09 Malleus Maleficarum. I like this episode for the insight we get into Ruby’s backstory, and the frank conversation that she and Dean have about demons and his impending Hell tour. But other than that, there isn’t too much to recommend it.

12) 8.10 Torn and Frayed. The next several episodes are all good, and are difficult to sort. In 8.10, Sam and Dean choose each other over Amelia and Benny, in all-or-none ultimatums. I truly enjoy how miserable they both seem to find themselves about this, about how their relationship has grown more and more isolating when tbh it needn’t be. Naomi’s control of Cas in this episode fleshes out the chilling implications we got in The Rapture: Heaven is best when its dark AF.

11) 6.12 Like A Virgin. Monsters, dragons, and Eve: the reveal of Purgatory kicks off a brand new chapter of the show’s mythology. But more importantly, Sam is fully back now! Watching him navigate this brave new world while no one will tell him anything is fascinating and more than a little sad.

10) 4.11 Family Remains. Actually frightening! I like it when the show does the ~it was just humans~ twist. And this episode has great commentary on Dean’s emotional state after his reveal about Hell last time. It’s a good MOTW.

9) 15.10 Nihilism. Dean’s bar mindscape. It’s no Sam mindscape, but it’s definitely the most interesting thing that’s been done with Dean and possession. It’s kinda fascinating that Dean’s uncomplicated happy place exists in an underdog Americana limbo without either Cas or Sam. Also gives us, at last, a good take on Alt!Michael’s motivations—he’s hunting down God. Loses points because the idea of managing to lock Michael in Dean’s mind for any length of time is still extremely unlikely.

8) 1.11 Scarecrow. Meg’s iconic introduction, Dean and Sam’s first breakup; emotional clashing over Winchester family dynamics: what’s not to love?

7) 12.09 First Blood. We’ve got Sam and Dean coping with prison very differently, then using their deaths to escape, and an action sequence through the woods: it’s just real fun. Cas breaks their deal with Billie, which ends up having, uh, no consequences whatsoever. It’s a strong kickoff to a regrettably weak second half of s12.

6) 7.11 Adventures in Babysitting. A quiet, emotional breath after Bobby’s death: Sam and Dean are deep, deep in terrible misery. The potent psychological suffering of season 7 is a delight, and 7.11 doesn’t shy away from it. Plus, it’s got Sam volunteering to get bit in the neck, and a rare example of a Plucky Teen (tm) done right.

5) 15.09 The Trap. This is just a worse 11.10. But 11.10 is amazing, so that’s still a compliment: Chuck tries both torture and the promise of various bleak futures to get Sam to cave. Even if the various futures aren’t staged that well, there is so much stuff here that’s ripe for analysis: especially on the broader stage of s15, this episode is plain interesting.

4) 5.11 Sam, Interrupted. Sam and Dean in a psych ward! They’re dealing with the extreme stress and grief of season 5, and they’re doing it badly—this episode provides a great way for their respective coping mechanisms to be forcefully stripped away. In a delightful microcosm of the show, Sam confesses his anger and gets consequently wrestled down and tied down to a cot.

3) 2.10 Hunted. Gordon Walker, whose old-fashioned absolutism is only matched by his competence, is one of the most memorable early seasons antagonists, and for good reason. We also get Ava, the queen of season 2, who has taken it upon herself to warn Sam and save his life. Then Sam and Dean using code words to disarm Gordon’s trap, and the fallout from John’s final words: quality television.

2) 9.10 Road Trip. Oh my god, what a horror show. This is an exemplary episode. Just incredible. Kinda unfair that it has to compete with 11.10, because it would take the gold by a mile in most other matchups. It’s got a fascinating character study of Gadreel, which also serves to inject interest into the s9 angel conflict; it’s the violent, hypocritical lengths to which Dean is willing to go; it’s got needles in Sam’s brain and a nauseating, horrific picture of possession; it’s got That Bridge Scene. The payoff for 9.01 begins to come due, in spades.

1) 11.10 Devil in the Details. Season 11 gets two D-tier ranks and two S-tier ranks; this is the duality of man. Do I even have to explain why I love 11.10 so much? It’s Sam and Lucifer in a room in Hell for an entire episode, nuff said. It gets better with every rewatch—there are so many great tiny moments, so much history. Lucifer’s combination salespitch/dressing-down is threatening and fascinating and mostly accurate; Sam’s rigid terror and courage and heartbreak and anger and resignation and determination are intoxicating. I want to watch them talk in a room forever.

[oldtvandcomics]

About no-homo friendships between men in the 2010′s

Ok, since I opened that can of worms with the post about Steve and Tony, here are my full thoughts about the way close male friendships have been treated in big screen adaptations in the 2010′s:

Basically, it seems to me that the creators are all conscious of how readily fans would read them as queer, and tried to prevent that by some (more or less) subtle ways that kind of result in the characters in question being less close than they were in the original. So far, I could pinpoint these tactics:

1) Everybody’s favorite Straight Female Love Interest Ex Machina. A character who in his original version didn’t have a female love interest suddenly has one. Bonus point if she was already an existing character in the original. Double bonus if BOTH men are in love with her, which would effectively make them both look more straight without you needing to add any more female characters to the story. While adding in a straight romantic subpolt is not a bad thing per se (personally, I don’t want to see it, but many people do, so eh, go on I guess), the Straight Female Love Interest Ex Machina usually feels fake because she and her relationship with the male character(s) is not enough developed.

Movies that did this include the Star Trek reboot with Spock, Kirk and Uhura, The Lone Ranger (2013) with John and Rebecca, The Green Hornet (2011) with Kato, Britt and Casey, and the MCU actually managed to do this to a canon love interest TWICE with both Steve and Sharon Carter, and Steve and Peggy.

2) "You know this really close and loving friendship that is almost legendary within the Western literally canon? They hate each other now." What it sounds like, instead of being very close friends, the two characters fight and generally barely get along. It is usually implied at the end of the movie that they make peace and kind of become friends, but you still don’t really get to see any of it. A subcategory is when the story, COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT, is set during the one canon fallout in the friendship.

Like the Straight Female Love Interest Ex Machina this is actually surprisingly common, just think of Kirk and Spock from the Star Trek reboot, Steve and Tony from the MCU, Batman and Superman from the DC movies, John and Tonto from The Lone Ranger (2013), and even Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson from the RDJ movies.

3) The plot only just happens to keep said characters apart. Not only don’t they have much serious interaction, they are even barely in the same room together. It’s actually a great strategy, because it doesn’t impact the story itself and if the writing is any good, no-one will even notice unless they are keeping an eye out for it.

The MCU used this both on Steve and Tony and later on Steve and Bucky, Star Trek Beyond (2016) did it with Kirk and Spock and The Last Jedi (2017) with Finn and Poe.

4) When everything else fails, one of the two characters just... vanishes. Not completely, of course, that would be too suspicious. But he is degraded to a secondary character, kept out of the plot and off the screen and this naturally creates distance between him and his friend. It’s 3) taken to further extremes.

See what the MCU did to Bucky, to keep him and Steve apart.

Bonus 1) When the writing for the movie is just so bad that any relationship, friends or otherwise, stops working.

The Green Hornet (2011), who did try to use multiple of the tricks above on Britt and Kato, but in the end failed to achieve success with either of them. They did, however, achieve said effect by being so awfully written that not a single relationship in there feels authentic. Also The Lone Ranger (2013), who, at least to me, was so terribly racist that Tonto didn’t feel very much like an actual person, which can kind of nerf any potential ships involving him.

Bonus 2) Whatever the Heck Supernatural (2005 - 2020) is playing at, more precisely, what they have been playing at since November 2020. I know that they don’t technically fit in this list because 1) it’s a TV show, and 2) it didn’t happen in the 2010′s any more, but it’s hecking weird and I can’t get them out of my head, so here you are.

IDK, maybe I’m just always looking in the wrong direction, but I haven’t seen these patterns discussed anywhere yet. Which is weird, because they would normally fit EXACTLY in fandoms’ favorite discussions: They are about popular ships, and movies working hard on keeping people from shipping them. Which I guess leads straight to homophobia, and how it affects even straight characters and (also straight) men who identify with them.

Because look. I love shipping every single one of the friendships mentioned above, maybe not quite as much as the next girl, sometimes more, sometimes less. But I love even more seeing them as friends, the shipping is just a game for the Internet. These are, first and foremost, friendships. Very, very close and loving friendships between men, that everyone, but most of all Real Life men, would profit from seeing represented on the big screen. Instead, the studios nerfed them to... keep some people from reading it as queer? COME ON, you can do better than this!

The 2010′s has seen a lot of increased visibility of queer identities and of queer reading of media, and the creative forces behind the movie industry are still struggling to figure out what to do about this. Queerbaiting is one of the resulting trends, but the no-homoing of close male friendships is another.

I don’t really have any conclusion to this. In a way, it is necessary to define what the nature of a relationship between your characters is, and that is what all of the points listed above are there for. They are, more or less, working. On the other hand, they are FAR from perfect, and I for one think that it would be very important to find a way of conveying that a relationship is purely platonic WITHOUT making it any less close or loving than it was in the original. I’m sure that they will find a way to do that at some point in the future.

TL;DR: In the 2010′s, movies used different storytelling tricks to make the very close and loving male friendships they were adapting look less close, to keep people from reading them as gay. This resulted in the loss of the kind of close and loving male friendships that they were in the original in 2010′s media. Movies should please stop doing this and find a different way to convey to the audience that their characters aren’t romantically in love.

[spectrum-color]

Hot takes on what I would like to see from the Wheel of Time show from an avid fantasy fan who has mixed feelings about this series:

1. More from the Age of Legends and Lews Therin, as well as maybe other Dragons who lived in other ages-I admit that the first part is way more plausible than the second. I’m obsessed with worldbuilding though, which I’ve always thought was this series biggest strength, so seeing more of Randlands history would be really fascinating. It would also emphasize the whole cyclical aspect where the same events recur over and over again in different ways. Plus there are some really colorful characters from that era that it would be extremely cool to see in flashbacks.

2. Drop the whole Perrin/Faile/Berelain triangle-As a rule, I despise love triangles. This one is worse than normal though because Berelain is primarily doing it to spite Faile and it is EXHAUSTING how it never ends. It really damages both characters. I hope they either drop it or have it only last while in Tear and then stop being a plot point after that. Justice for Faile, who was great when she was introduced and then really suffered from this particular plot point!

3. Cut the number of Foresaken-The Forsaken are really cool characters and a great concept, so I love them being in the story, but there are too many of them for all of them to play a significant role. They could probably pare down to a core of Lanfear, Asmodeon, Demandred, Messana, and Semirhage (because she’s legitimately scary.) Maybe Graendal because she’s popular and Rhavin depending on what they do with the Andor plot. They could probably take over the roles of other Forsaken who die relatively quickly or serve a more limited role. I would also love to see more of what they were all like in life; we do get backstories on them but actually seeing flashbacks could be really awesome. Imagine seeing Mierin Eronaile when she’s still a renowned scholar and Lews Therins lover, and then seeing her free the Dark One and going “fuck this I’m changing my name to Lanfear and obsessively trying to seduce Lews to the dark side!”

4. Make Min Rands primary love interest-People may disagree with me on this one, but I always thought his relationships with Elayne and Avihenda came off as “teen infatuation that he should have left behind as they both matured” and “forced for the purpose of integrating him into the Aliel more” (I love them both a lot though don’t get me wrong!) His relationship with Min felt the most natural with the most time spent together, and Elayne and Avi have more chemistry with each other than him honestly. If they do want to keep the sister wives thing though, they should at least make it resemble a real poly relationship where it’s open on all sides rather than the harem vibe.

5. Emphasize the impact her time as a damane had on Egwene-When Egwene was functionally a prisoner of Elaida in the White Tower, she said it made her understand how Rand felt in the box. I remember being confused because the obvious parallel to what happened to Rand wasn’t that, it was her time being collared by the Seanchan. I feel like that whole extremely traumatic event permanently changed Egwenes character and would be really interesting to see the fallout explored more. In general, I would like to see Egwene better served in the show in general because I adore her and think the hate she gets is disappointing.

6. Gawyn. Just fix Gawyn-He’s probably the most hated character in the entire series, and I can’t say the hate is unfair. Please make him not terrible! Maybe either drop his irrational insistence on holding his grudge against Rand or have it make more sense? I understand what RU was going for (good person on the wrong side$ but he made him very unlikable which muddled the theme. His character doesn’t work as is but it doesn’t mean it can’t.

[ir0n-angel]

Writing Tag Game

Tagged by @crackinglamb Thank you, love. 😘💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

33

What’s your total AO3 word count?

141,859

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Way with Machines 539

Hot Summer Nights 413

Thank You, Monsieur DuPont 366

Spring Fever 299

Be Near Me 289

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

99% of the time, because it’s polite. The 1% I don’t is either because it’s not directed at me, it’s in a language I don’t know, or it’s really off-the-walls confusing (I apologize for that last one).

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It’s extremely rare for me to write angst endings. I think the only one I have is  Even Though Our Love Is Doomed.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Uh... Well, considering I’m a hardcore fluff writer, almost all of them are happy. I’ll put my Beer and Benefits series here because it’s the only officially confirmed “happily ever after” plotline.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No, but I won’t say never.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Unfortunately yes, and it almost made me stop writing for good. Everyone is allowed to have their opinions. If you don’t like a fic, you are welcome to close the tab without kudo or comment. Verbally assaulting me because you don’t like how one character is treating your favorite character when there’s 5 chapters left before the big reveal... Y’know what? It’s been a few years now, and I’m not going to be the bigger person about it anymore. To that commenter: Ma’am, you were an asshole, and you displayed the kind of behavior that perpetuates the negative stereotype of “bad fandom”. Don’t Like? Don’t Read. Learn it. Live it.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I do. Mostly m/f, but I have written m/m, f/f, and a threesome. I’m not sure if any counts as PWP, because there’s always some plot involved. And I always try to be realistic as possible.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, though I’ve twice had a plot directly ripped off. While there’s nothing new under the sun, it was pretty obvious. It’s polite to give a little shoutout or a thank-you to your inspirations, just sayin’.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so?? No one’s asked.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, with my beloved @crackinglamb. We've collaborated on Things We Can't Say (mostly my work) and A Wolf Named Vengeance (mostly her work and currently on hiatus). She says I’m responsible for a healthy chunk Twist, too. There’s also other fics out there that I have worked on with people, but I rather they get all the credit for their hard work when I haven’t contributed at least half.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

In my writing? Deegan/f!SoSu Nora. In general? There’s too many to choose from. Pretty much any healthy relationship between two or more people who are strong enough to live alone but decided not to.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Hell Hath No Fury. So yeah, I misspoke earlier: I do have a crossover. I was planning on doing a Fallout 4/Doom crossover, wherein the Institute’s ongoing search for power sources leads them to accidentally open the portal to Hell. Probably would have been the only time I would’ve cast the Brotherhood of Steel in a (barely) positive light. Unfortunately before I could get the plot outlined, I suffered a mental breakdown and oxygen deprivation damage; most of my memory of it is gone.

What are your writing strengths?

Lamb says “fluff without cringe”. Action scenes and -- this is my surprised face -- realistic smut.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Lately, getting started. I personally think my smut isn’t very good. I’m also not very good with dialogue (there’s never enough) because I don’t talk much in real life.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Depends on the language. Fictional ones, provided there's a halfway decent and/or reputable source for translation, are fine. Real languages? I'm more leery if I don't speak them for the simple fact that I would hate to get it wrong. Real people speak real languages, they aren't a plot device.

Borrowing Lamb’s answer because this is exactly my thoughts on it, too.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Oh, you’re not going to trick me into giving away my old fic secrets. I’m on to you! Leave the dead buried. First posted on AO3, though, was Fruits Basket.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Mementoes. Aside from being very good in general, it was one of those very rare days that I was filled with the gift of the muses. It just flowed out of me over the course of a couple hours and was posted the next morning. It was a story that wanted to be told.

Tagging @st0nergh0ul @ranaspkillnarieth @the-desert-dancer @madangel19 @fiadhaisteach (I think I remember you saying you wrote fics) @lilbittymonster and anyone else who’d like to share.

[legobiwan]

So i was just daydreaming of SW and fics & i was imagining two characters on opposites sides of light and dark both trying to turn each other bc they think they are right(don’t they all?). But i feel like sidious and maul and plenty of sith knew that they weren’t necessarily the ‘good’ guys, no matter their reason for why they ended up on the dark side. I think sidious knew he wasn’t a good person & was well aware of the ‘bad’ nature of the darkside and how it can corrupt a person entirely 1/

I think dooku was as well even though he thought he was doing the right thing & making change. Even Anakin knew in his own twisted mindset that despite why he turned, he wasn’t on the side of the good guys no matter their reason for why they ended up on the dark side.I think sidious knew he wasn’t a good person&was well aware of the ‘bad’ nature of the darkside and how it can corrupt a person entirely. I think dooku was as well even though he thought he was doing the right thing&making change.2/

But how would you convince someone that turned bc they thought they could keep it controlled. Revan himself turned thinking he could prevent the darkside from corrupting him entirely&we see how that turned out. What about people who just genuinely think that they are more free (they aren’t) on the darkside and just want to BE on the darkside and think that it’s not inherently bad. Bc some sith fics make it sound not that bad but we know that it actually really is very bad by nature ¾

I guess my question is how does someone who thinks they can have everything they want and not loose themselves, who is ruled by the dark side to the point of sith eyes, become convinced that going that far isn’t actually the right path to be on? 4/4 Sorry this is so long

Wow, anon, this is…a complicated question. (And off-topic, but daydreaming about SW fics totally got me through some horrible jobs a few years ago. Star Wars daydreaming ftw.)

For me, it comes down to what your definition of “light” (read, good) is. And I think either side, light or dark, taken too far to one extreme ends up wrapping back to the other, a kind of ouroboros. Too much light, as we saw with the Jedi, can lead to dark consequences. Too much dark, in a weird way, will lead to revolt, to a balancing. 

It’s thermodynamics, taken to a philosophical extent, where your variables seek equilibrium but there is only so much energy to share between them, as it cannot be created nor destroyed. 

But let’s extricate ourselves from such tangled webs, shall we, and take this analysis character by character. 

Sidious: Sidious is an unrepentant, manipulative bastard. I mean, the absolute worst, the whole shebang. I doubt there would be anyone who would have had the ability to pull him into the “Light,” just the ability to thwart his plans. Evil genius, psychopath, bereft of empathy, etc. Let’s just say Rey’s existence, at least from the first generation, was likely not an act of love. 

Dooku: Oh Dooku. My favorite bad guy is a lot more complicated. His motivations were idealistic and to some degree, justified. The Republic and the Jedi were failing certain underrepresented systems, the Republic bloated on corruption and the Jedi more and more backing themselves into a protective corner until they had no room left to move. His execution of the whole thing…well, that’s where his hubris (and nihilism) led him astray. And I still contend we see this darkening of Dooku between AotC and RotS, especially in TCW. The dark side won in Dooku, pulled him under its tide so perhaps by the time of RotS he just wasn’t able to see - or admit - Sidious’s plans for him. 

Now, would Dooku have been redeemed? Yes, but only under circumstances and I would say he would less be redeemed than returned to grey status. 

But what would possibly convince our resident iconoclast to renounce some of his ways? 

Or more, who?

Qui-gon or Obi-wan. Or both. Lineage is so important to Dooku, a man who felt the loss of his family, who felt he was alone in the universe, who, unlike Anakin, went out of his way to avoid close connections, to relieve everything of his past except his title and all the expectations that came with it. I mean, imagine that. You are raised a Jedi, taught to believe attachment is, if not bad, at least problematic. And then you leave that religious order to return to your homeworld where you inherit a title and presumably a million problems and identities and histories that come with said title. And Dooku knows none of these people but to rule them, but he does know the ones he has raised and the ones who they raised. Which leads me to believe that an alive Qui-gon (who, let’s face it, wouldn’t have been 100% light side) and/or a more convinced Obi-wan (who should have listened to Dooku on Geonosis but that is a whole other discussion because that was a Hail Mary by Dooku and the more I think about it, the more I believe it was a ballsy-as-ass move on his part) might have convinced him to realign himself.

Anakin: Ohhhh, Anakin. Anakin, who fell because he felt he had to, in order to save everyone he loved. Anakin, who was burdened with false expectation after a traumatic childhood. Anakin, who made so many bad choices and it’s both his fault and not his fault, a tragic combination of circumstance and proclivity. The thing is, we know Anakin is torn between the light and the dark, even after he turns. Anakin as Vader is kind of like the person who says, “Oh I ate 2 cookies, might as well eat the whole bag because nothing matters.” (Side note, I am a total supporter of eating the whole bag of cookies if that is the heart’s truest desire. Speaking as someone who has downed many bags of cookies in their lifetime.) Anyway, it’s the mindset that’s the problem. And Anakin does redeem himself in the end, when he finds something/someone to fight for and fight against and isn’t that so him, always fighting against something?

Look, dark side characterizations are fun. But there’s always something else behind it, and it is a big deal to abandon your principles, your ideals, your health, your everything to this festering, opaque disease that lives in your deepest gut and at times takes the controls, much to your horror (except if you are Sidious, in which case, the horrible darkness is always at the controls and that is by design). I, personally, like to explore the darker sides of these characters but also the why - what made them fall, why are they hurting, and what is the fallout of their actions?

Yes, it’s easy to hate, to fear - I mean, we see this in the real world on an everyday basis. What’s less easy is to be alone, and I mean truly alone. And I think minus extreme examples like Sidious (who, let’s admit, created clones to cheat death and kept a vast amount of servants so even he was not ever truly alone). If I might get a little existential for a moment, what I like about Jedi philosophy (and in all seriousness, I had a major breakdown about this a few years back and Jedi philosophy, weirdly enough, was a large part in saving my sanity) is that we are never alone, that we are all part of the Force, of life, of the breath and heartbeat of the universe no matter what corporeal form we take or not. The Sith see themselves as alone, but as we can observe, so many of them are motivated by connection, could possibly be spurred to change by connection in the correct circumstances. 

And by this, I don’t mean the Jedi were 100% correct. I feel like the version of the Jedi we got by TCW had been pushed to some extremes due to the Ruusan Reformation (gdi, that had better get recanonized, asap, because it is a pivotal moment and a HUGE explanation of why the Jedi ended up as they were by the time the Prequels rolled around and it makes So Much Sense), the emergence of Dooku, the war, etc.) There is something to be said about the Grey Jedi, not that they necessarily embraced light and dark - but perhaps so - but that they did not fall to one extreme or the other. And this is where I feel Qui-gon succeeded over many other of his peers, despite his myriad of other personality flaws. Possibly this was why he was able to access the Whills and pass on what he had learned, to the point of where we see Yoda in TLJ, who is a lot more philosophical about everything than he had been in life. 

So to answer your question - there is no making someone turn back to the light, as much as there is any way of forcing a sentient being to do anything. Once can only pave the way and forge relationships, and the rest is up to that person. I think a lot of our Sith friends knew they were going down a dark path but also saw no alternative and felt a need to vindicate themselves, to strike out in anger against their circumstances. I get it, I think we all have that urge sometimes. And I suppose the answer might come in having something to fight for as opposed to fight against, as ridiculous as that sounds. 

But then again, I am but a simple lego floating around the internet. :)

[coffeesandfilm]

Skins, the Ultimate Teen Drama: why Generation 1 is the best

Now if you recognise my avatar you have probably realised that I am a big fan of Skins, the quintessential UK teen drama. But what makes it so special, and why is it so relatable? But most importantly why is Gen 1 (aka the first two series of Skins) infinitely the most superior?

Skins first premiered in January 2007, I must confess I did not watch it until 2013 when I was 16 myself, but I do remember the controversy it caused in its initial run. Parents and papers alike were shocked at the explicit depiction of teenage life: drugs, sex, abortion, expletive language, but one of the main writers, Bryan Elsley, insisted that “Skins [was] a very simple and in fact rather old fashioned television series... about the lives and loves of teenagers, how they [got] through high school, how they deal with their friends, and also how they circumnavigate[d] some of the complications of sex, relationships, educations, parents, drugs and alcohol.” To be honest I could not really relate to the hedonistic social lives of the Skins teens too much, my teenage years were far more mundane and involved more sitting alone watching TV in my bedroom rather than underage partying. But at the heart of the show we saw real, volatile young life, the vulnerabilities, the friendships, the heartbreak, and the silly jokes. These kids were not presented as either particularly cool or uncool (more like Inbetweeners if you will), they liked to hang out with each other in the park, chatting, smoking, bitching, and laughing. There was no real macho, ‘lad-ish’ behaviour, Chris, Maxxie, Anwar and Sid were sweethearts at heart, and whilst you could not describe Tony in that way (being a full on sociopath in Series 1), he was not exactly a lad either, more of a calculating academic. None of the girls were portrayed as Primadonnas or uber-bitchy either, Cassie was your manic pixie dream girl, Jal was the fair, rational one, and Michelle was your slightly spoilt, but very caring girly girl. I apologise for holding the characters to such stereotyped gender ideologies, but teen dramas typically have a tendency for doing this.

In each episode we saw life from the perspective of a different character, a very smart tactic by creators Bryan Elsley and Jamie Brittain, as we got to watch very well-rounded and developed people, not just one dimensional stereotypes. For example hard-partier and fan-favourite Chris was shown to have a very broken home life, his dad had left him when he was young and thought he was a waste of space, his mother was mentally unstable and used to disappear when things got too difficult, and his older brother, who was his idol and secondary father figure, died too young. It is shown that despite his carefree attitude and being a shoulder to cry on for others, Chris ultimately had nothing and no-one apart from his friends. Now the Skins characters home lives were just as dramatic as there social ones, Sid’s dad died, Michelle had a multitude of step-fathers, Cassie’s parents were completely self-involved and were these weird ‘natural Earthy types’, Jal’s father was a famous musician who did not take too much interest in his daughter’s life. Maxxie and Anwar’s parents were a bit more relatable, the former’s father loved his son but wanted him to embark on a more stable career path rather than pursue his own dreams, and the latter had well-intentioned but somewhat Conservative Muslim parents. If the home lives of everyone in your friendship group was as manic as this then I would be surprised, but I do not think that was the whole point of the show. Skins was very extreme in all elements, but was intentionally trippy and surreal, their college musical was named ‘Osama: The Musical’ for God’s sake, I think it was self-aware in its exaggerated portrayal of teenage life. It is still an entertainment show at the end of the day, and everyone will be able to relate to a part of someone’s life in the show, they covered all bases after all. The theatrics on top were entertaining, but underneath it all there was real heart and real juvenile teen behaviour (such as Maxxie and Anwar wearing devil and angel headbands when Sid was contemplating whether to skip class), and that is what made Skins Gen 1 so special and so great.

Generation 2 (Series 3 and 4) of Skins is still very lauded by fans, with Cook (Jack O’Connell) largely viewed as an iconic Skins character, but for me this Generation falls short. Gen 2 applies a darker, colder tone, perhaps influenced by Effy’s ‘ice-queen’ mystique. I am not claiming there were no heartwarming moments (I loved the depiction of Emily and Naomi’s relationship), but overall these characters did not seem to posses the same fundamental care for each other as they did in Gen 1, and that is what made the first Gen so great, they really did all love each other. We saw just how toxic friendships and relationships could get in the second Generation, the nastiness between Freddie and Cook, with JJ receiving the brunt of the fallout, the hatefulness between twins Katie and Emily, although Katie was definitely more to blame for this one, and even Effy and Pandora were shown to have a very fragmented relationship throughout. The characters without any major problems between them never seemed that close either, for example there always seemed to be an iciness between Effy and Naomi, not that they were explicitly mean to one another, but they never seemed to share the same warmth as, say, Cassie and Jal. In Gen 1 the only friendship that was majorly put to a test was Sid and Tony’s, the rest had normal fickle teenage bust-ups, like Jal and Michelle, but there was no real darkness underneath it all. I suppose you could argue that Maxxie and Anwar’s friendship was severely put to the test, but I think that was more of a commentary on his confusing relationship with religion, as even when they were not speaking, the two still clearly loved each other. I also did not get the hype around Cook and Effie either, maybe by todays standards the whole ‘not like other girls’ and ‘#damaged bad boy who does the bare minimum’ schtick are tired tropes, but they did not treat their friends and people around them very well a lot of the time, and just because they were battling their own demons, does not mean their behaviour could be excused.  

In fairness, the darkness of Gen 2 was perhaps what writers Bryan Elsley and Jamie Brittain were aiming for, to mix things up a bit from from the previous Series, and expose a new perspective of teenage life. Maybe it is just the cheesy romantic in me, but the wholesome friendships, bad fashion, and teenage naivety as what drew me to Gen 1 so much. Generation 2 was still very effective as an entertainment show, but for me, the first Generation portrayed what it was really like being a teenager.

[meatclowntv]

Fallout 4 OC BIO

Desmond

Tw: Mentions Animal violence, a bit of gore, blood, mentions of bulling, mentions of abuse, Mentions of suicide,

Basic Info:

Birth Name: Desmond

Gender: Male

Age(Before the war): 27

Race: Caucasian Human

Sexuality: Pansexual

Religion: N/A

Appearance:

Hair: Originally Pale White due to him being albino, however sometimes(especially when he was younger) dyes his hair black to fit in with a crowd.

Skin Tone: Pale White, this is also due to him being albino...

Eye Color: Red

Scars: Has had a lot of physical scars but most of them have already healed or aren’t than notable but, he does like to stitch his neck for cosmetic reasons to I guess that could count

Height: 5’5

Weight: 119 Ibs

(Current)SPECIAL:

Strength: 4

Perception: 2

Endurance: 9

Charisma: 10

Agility: 6

Luck: 2

Top 5 Favorite Perks:

Cannibal

Big Leagues

Sneak

Intimidation

Bloody Mess

Likes:

His (dead) wife(He doesn’t just like his wife but his wife is one and probably is his favorite person in the whole world and was the only reason he lived for awhile..) Melee Weapons, Meat(sense it’s one of the only things he like to eat), Dogs, The Institute mostly because of his son.

Dislikes:

The BOS, The Railroad, Anything that tastes too sweet, Guns(He just doesn’t like using them in a fight), The Sun due to his skin being sensitive to the sun, Not feeling in control, Showing “unwanted emotions”.

Combat Style:

Style 1:

He Likes to sneak from behind while they aren’t looking and stab them with a knife(preferably the Sacrificial Blade or Pickmans Blade) while they aren’t looking

Style 2:

If Style 1 doesn’t work, he’ll attempt to kill them with absolute brute force and a knife by slicing them or bashing them in the head with a Swatter as much as they can. He doesn’t mind this option though.

Style 3:

If all else fails he’ll basically take a hit of psycho and beat the ever loving life out of the opponent in any way they can, if that means using a Fat Man, so be it. This isn’t his favorite way of fighting, but this will have to do for him.

Strengths:

Creative, Decisive, Determined, Passionate, Slow to Anger, Subtle, Skillful, Sociable

Flaws:

Extremely Private, Perfectionist, Always needs to have a cause, Can burn out easily, Somewhat sensitive, Manipulative, Cryptic, Ruthless, Slightly has a lack of emotions

Backstory:

Сhildhood:

Desmond’s Child hood was absolute hell to be completely honest with you, that’s how he viewed it at least, one overly sensitive and abusive father who always had a gun when he slept, a mother who neglected him every moment unless he was in trouble, his Older brother named Michael, who Desmond viewed as a coward, a pathetic coward that never helped him, and lastly Michael’s dog Rex. He looked so much different from the rest of his family due to him being albino and everyone else being blonde or brunette.. He was bullied somewhat but not a lot. No one really payed any attention to him and viewed him as that one kid who doesn’t like to talk, and that was the case. But he started to grow violent because of the constant neglect and abuse he’d endure when he was at home, this led to taking his violent needs out on small animals like squirrels and insects. One day however, when he was on the swing set of his elementary schools playground, crying, a girl sat next to him and asked him if he was okay. Desmond has never met such a beautiful person before. That’s when their relationship started to flourish. He found out her name was Nora, a blind girl who lived in the rich house down the street. She loved to listen to music. Desmond would alway help her if she needed any help getting around the elementary school or if she needed anything. This would continue onward and even their adult years.

Teen Years:

His Teen years we’re probably his worst yet best years of his life. Unlike his childhood years, his teen years had a lot of good in them to out way the bad parts. When he was in Middle school he was bullied quite more than in elementary school, he was beaten by his peers sometimes and locked in his very own locker, but to everyone’s surprise, he’d still keep that stupid yet creepy smile on his face even when he was bullied at school and harassed at home, this changed when his brother Michael and his “friends” (who are in high school) harassed Nora and pushed her around, but Desmond saw it all, and went to go help her as soon as he could. She told him about how they grab at her and called her horrible names that she didn’t want to say aloud, she stared to weep but Desmond held her tight and told her this wouldn’t happen again. This gave him a sickening plan... In the morning, two days after the incident, Michael woke up to see his dad was off to work as well as his mother, but Rex was no where to be found, he looked everywhere to find no trace of him, until he found his collar on the end of his bed side table, that’s when the stench began to grow from his old play toat that used to be filled toys. He hesitantly opens in, and to his absolute horror, the toat that was once filled with toys, was now filled with the rotting carcass of his beloved dog Rex.. He screamed in frightened horror and shock and that’s when Desmond walked in with that shit eating smile, Michael looked at him and the only thing that could come out of his lips we’re, “did..did you-?”. He pointed at his dog. Desmond responded with a yes and walked away. His parents soon found out and called the cops, but the cops didn’t have any evidence to point it to Desmond, this was because He already got rid of the evidence a long time ago. He got his revenge. This was, however, only one of many of his murders. In high school, Desmond started to dye his hair black to fit in with the others, this is also when Nora and him started getting in to a romantic relationship. This didn’t change the fact he still had his violent tendencies that grew in the passing days, he kept them under wrap sense he didn’t want the only person he truly cared about to leave him. He was liked at school and was some what respected by his peers for not being afraid to tell off a teacher or beat the snot some big jock who didn’t know when to shut up. He was the smartest person in the world and he would get in trouble from time to time, but besides that he was an average student to most of the teachers. In senior year he wanted to celebrate in the biggest way possible, he proposed to Nora when he was signing up to go to the military in which Nora started to cry happily as she nodded in pure excitement. They held each other for awhile. Now for his final step. He planned this for weeks, months and even years! And he finally got it set up, for the grand finale of his fathers life. It was late at night, his mother was out doing something with her gal pals, while her husband was tied to the bed by his most hated son. He successfully drugged his fathers alcohol. His father was stricken in fear, while Desmond started to laugh at him, reminding him in excruciating detail of how much he hurt Desmond, how much he suffered throughout his entire childhood and became “violent” in the process and telling him that this was all his fault he was in this position. His father yelled at him and told Desmond to shut up and to untie him before he’d kill Desmond, in turn, Desmond grabs the pistol from his dads side table in the room and shot him repeatedly in the head until he finally died. He got rid of the evidence, called the police and got the scene all set up. In the end, the police couldn’t blame Desmond for the crime, and blamed it on a drunken suicide attempt the ultimatly succeeded. His mother wept and cried saying it was all Desmond but the cops repeatedly said it couldn’t have been him. Desmond moved out shortly after to live with his future wife Nora in her house while he got ready to go join the military.

Adult Years:

In his adult years Desmond became married to Nora and a soldier in the war, while his wife was doing her job while pregnant with Shaun, his part took awhile to get done with and it got all of the violent feelings out of him, he went back home when he was aloud to and he was ecstatic to find out she was okay and Shaun was to. After Nora gave Birth two days after he felt so over joyed and cried happy tears for the first time in his life. He took really good care of them and did whatever he could to make them happy. He was finally just absolutely happy for the first time in his life with a family he can finally call his own. That all changed when the bombs fell.. He quickly grabbed Nora and Shaun and ran to the vault, not caring about anyone else but them. He couldn’t lose any of them. He just couldn’t. However they made it inside of the vault, he held Nora tightly in his arms like his life depended on it. Nora told him she was okay and told him not to worry, it wasn’t like she was going anywhere anytime soon. They soon grabbed their vault suits and headed to the cryochambers, he gave Shaun and Nora a goodbye hug and hoped that he would be able to see them soon once he was let out of his Cryo Chamber. He did, yes, but not in the way he wanted... As his Cryo Chamber thawed out, he witnessed this strange man start to take his son away, Desmond started banging on the Cryo Chamber he was stuck in, Nora struggled to let Shaun go, but in the end, the man put a bullet in her head. Desmond screamed in agony and started to punch the Cryo Chamber harder, and harder. But then he was frozen again. Once he was let out, not knowing or caring how long it’s been, he rushes to Noras Cryo Chamber and rapidly presses the button, she falls limp onto the floor. He immediately falls to the ground and hold her tightly not wanting to let go, not wanting to believe she was actually dead, the first and only person who gave him happiness who always longed for, gone, dead, he hesitantly let’s go of her, taking the ring off her finger, he kisses her goodbye and promises her he’ll find Shaun, he WILL find Shaun. He clutches the ring growing angry. Not looking back, he walks off to start his rampage across the Commonwealth, and no one will get in his way.

[bardic-inspo]

Innocent or Guilty

Tagged by @pchberrytea. Thanks pch, I love these meme/ask things! :)

Tagging these fine fellas if you feel like doing this. No pressure if you don’t! @third-rail-vip, @starrypawz, @heromaggie, @randomwordsandstormydays, @electricshoebox and whoever else wants to do this!

This is for Nat Sokolova, my SoSu featured in my Mac x SoSu WIP, Bring the Gasoline. No chapters out yet, but you can learn more about Nat here.

I don’t have any pics of this lady because I’m horrible with screenshots :( Maybe someday! 

Asked someone to marry you? - Innocent

Kissed one of your friends? - Very guilty.

Danced on a table in a bar or tavern? -  Guilty. This activity may or may not have resulted in moderate injury...

Ever told a lie? - Guilty, guilty, guilty. She’s usually pretty good at it, too.

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have? - Guilty. Sort of. Nothing was really stopping her and Nate from being a couple, but circumstances did keep them apart for very long lengths of time.

Ever kissed someone of the opposite sex? - Guilty.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? - Guilty.

Kissed a picture? - Innocent. She has talked to the picture, though.

Slept in until 5pm? - Guilty, but only due to extreme injury.

Fallen asleep at work or school? - Innocent. 

Held a snake? - Innocent.

Been suspended from school? - Innocent

Stolen something? -  Big fat guilty on this one. You can blame Mac for fostering her pickpocketing habit.

Done something you regret? - Guilty, sort of. Nat doesn’t regret a lot of her choices/actions in a black and white sense, but she wishes she had gone about some of them differently, or maybe paused to listen to others before going through with them. It’s strained a lot of her relationships.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? - Innoccent.

Laughed until liquid came out of your nose? - Guilty. Alcohol was involved in that one.

Kissed in the rain? - Guilty, though it wasn’t all that romantic since Mac hates the rain.

Sat on a roof top? - Guilty! It becomes a go-to for her and Mac when they want a moment to themselves. Makes her feel calmer, to be able to see everything around her. (Also, I too have a thing for writing rooftop things?)

Kissed someone you shouldn’t? - I’m gonna say innocent on this one. There was nothing really wrong about her kissing the people she’s kissed. Ill-advised, maybe. 

Sang in the shower? - Guilty. 

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? - Innocent.

Shaved your head? - Innocent, but she does chop quite a bit of her hair off when she comes out of the vault. It used to be mid-back level, and now it just brushes her shoulders.

Slept naked? - Guilty, but it’s not a regular thing.

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? - Guilty. Nat is one to lash out a bit when she’s hurting, at least initially. Nate was always the more stoic or collected one. Mac is the same as Nat in this way.

Donated blood? - Innocent. She’d do it, though.

Eaten alligator meat? - Innocent.

Eaten cheesecake? - Guilty, though that was definitely pre-war.

Still loved someone you shouldn’t? - Hm, maybe guilty. Shaun comes to mind.

Have/had a tattoo? - Innocent. She would like some, though, to cover up some of her scars that she’s self-conscious of. Probably flowers, which sounds kinda bland/unoriginal. Her parents owned a flower shop when she was little, so it would actually be quite meaningful to her.

Liked someone, but will never tell who? - Innocent. There was a period of time that lasted all of a few days where she realized she had a little crush on Mac, and was pretty dedicated to keeping it under wraps. She’s too big of a flirt to keep that to herself for very long, though.

Been too honest? - Guilty. In the heat of an argument, she starts throwing some pretty harsh truth bombs.

Ruined a surprise? - Innocent, I think?

Eaten so much that you can’t walk after? - Innocent based on pure volume, but adapting to a wasteland diet was not pleasant initially.

Dressed in a man’s clothes? - Guilty. 

Dressed in a woman’s clothes? - Guilty.

Joined a pageant? - Innocent.

Still have communication with your ex? - Guilty, she was friends with the people she dated in college after she started dating Nate.

Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who meant it? - Guilty. 

Cheated on someone? -  Innocent.

Gotten totally drunk and missed an exam? -  Innocent.

A total stranger treated you by paying your fare? -  Innocent? I mean, strangers have bought her drinks before. 

Got so angry that you cried? - Guilty, and Nat hates this. When she gets fired up and she’s arguing with someone she really cares about (Nate, MacCready, Valentine), she’ll almost always start crying. 

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good? - Guilty, but she fails at it pretty spectacularly.

Thought about suicide? - Guilty, but she never really puts that word to it. All the same, those self-destructive actions/behaviors are harmful to herself (and others).

Thought about murder? - Guilty. Nat’s always had a vengeful streak to her.

Actually murdered someone? - Guilty, I suppose? It depends on how you define the term, but objectively, yes, she’s killed dozens of raiders, she blew up Kellogg, etc.

Thought about mass murder? - If we follow the trajectory of the Fallout 4 plot....eventually, guilty.

Actually committed a mass murder? - Hm. Sort of guilty, I guess? She wiped out a pretty big cell of Gunners. It was provoked. Other than that, innocent.

Rode in a stranger’s vehicle? - Guilty.

Stalked someone? - Innocent.

Had a girlfriend? - Guilty.

Had a boyfriend? - Guilty.

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday? - Guilty.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

what does this have to do with clownfish?

i know this was a mostly sad episode that ended on a rather disquieting note, but i was grinning from ear to ear by the end, you guys. I LOVE THIS SILLY SHOW SO MUCH, and i want to tell you why, so let’s talk about titans 2.04:

SPOILERS ahead

1. i get why we’re getting a flashback episode now--the titans’ ~sordid past~ with deathstroke has gotten a fair bit of build-up, and now that slade has jason, we need the history between him and the og team to contextualise the upcoming confrontation. still, i was really looking forward to having kory reunite with the team, goddamit! 

1.5. i like the convivial, almost collegiate vibe that the original titans have about them--the idea of them getting together both desperate to prove that they are more than what their origins and youth might suggest, and to dick around (pun not intended) and just... be, in a way that their individual circumstances wouldn’t allow them. costumes on, in mission-mode, they are trained and hyper-competent, but in their downtime they apparently like adorably warbling off-key at each other and re-enacting 90s/00s cheesy rom-coms. it’s great! i would’ve loved to see these kinds of flashbacks drip-fed to us right from the beginning of the season--putting it all in one episode, from aqualad’s introduction to demise all in forty minutes, not only screws up the pacing, but also robs us of more of garth’s genuinely warm chemistry with the rest of the team. 

1.67. besides, the immediate contrast between this and the way dick conducts the titans now would’ve been funny and quite impactful.

2. for all that dick seemed standoffish and genuinely frightened of himself in s1, the slightly less filtered look we get into his mind in this flashback--well before his existential crisis--is somehow even more disquieting?? the way he talks about batman and his relationship with dawn and even his friendship with donna smacks of an alarming emotional disconnect; a space where his sense of self has fallen and been replaced by a role that he has been trained to play. he smiles more in this episode than probably all eleven of s1 combined, but he’s far more reserved, afraid of vulnerability, and completely unwilling to express any emotion that would come in the way of him being who he Needs To Be.

2.45. this episode puts into sharp relief just how far dick has come to make peace with bruce in 2.01. here batman is a glowing symbol against the night sky; a shadowy figure promising justice is vengeance and not the other way around; a hulking figure that he can hate and love without reserve, that orders him to be better no matter how exhausted he is, even while standing between him and incomprehensible evil like a bulwark. at the heart of the titans tower--a skyscraper on the opposite side of the country from gotham--is another batcave, a sign that how no matter how far he goes, dick’s perception of himself and his relationships is still inextricably tied to batman and his ways. 

it’s the missing link between the angry, grieving boy we saw in flashbacks last season, and the man rapidly spiralling into crisis at the beginning of season 1. he’s internalised batman’s mission before he can decide for himself what he wants to be, and he’s been like this well into his adult years (unlike the comics). no wonder when the moment he goes Too Far finally comes, when he’s so burrowed into himself that vengeance becomes an end rather than a tool, it’s such a violent upheaval, and one that he hasn’t quite been able to put to rest in over a season.

2.65. honestly the matter of fact way he talks about being dawn’s rebound relationship after her breakup is haunting me?? dick grayson--robin, batman’s partner, the First Sidekick, leader of the titans, friend, brother, lover, a valuable asset with trackers in his arm and neck--is so utterly subsumed that his feelings, his self, automatically comes second to the role he’s playing. i wonder if he had found that he’d had a tracker installed in his body without his knowledge at this point, he’d have accepted the cold logic of it (of course batman needs to keep track of him), instead of the visceral reaction he has five years later, when he immediately picks up a knife and cuts it out of his skin.

2.95. (retrospectively it lends so much more meaning to the opening scene of 1.08??? where dick says he needs to go off on his own to get his bearings right instead of staying on to be the Leader after their traumatic time at the asylum and kory and the others are quietly accepting of it?? where’s that ‘that’s growth’ gif when you need it)

3. donna! it’s interesting that her role as a titan was always meant to be a pitstop before she moved on to Greater Things, and her struggle to reconcile that with her growing attachment to the team came across really well. jillian’s never really pressuring her to leave immediately--six months! two weeks! idk, forever! really, it’s your pick!--but donna tells dick she needs to leave that very night, either because she’s hoping that he’ll protest and ask her to stay, or that she’ll fall for garth and lose her wavering conviction to leave if she stayed any longer, or both. 

3.5. donna and garth’s relationship followed so many wonderfully cheesy conventions, with all of their attendant adorableness and Problems. the scions of two different royal families of two different races falling in Forbidden Love! garth clumsily flirting with donna even as she keeps turning him down! (not cool, garth!) bonding over reminiscing about quirky childhood memories! consulting a put-upon mutual best friend! the last minute reconciliation and confession of love at the airport! garth dying right after celebrating his birthday! (that cop was just a day away from retirement!) PERFECT

like. i have NO IDEA why people still insist on calling this show ‘dark’ and ‘edgy’. don’t let the weird lighting and occasional blood spatter distract you from the goofy, well-intentioned heart right at its centre, you guys!

(but man, dick and donna’s quiet heartbreak at the prospect of separation was harder to watch. for a moment, dick really let himself feel the burden, sinking onto his haunches, his head in his hand like he was about to cry. just a moment.)

4. the others’ reaction to garth’s death is very telling. donna is devastated; hank and dawn are upset, but in a distant way that suggests that they didn’t really know him very well or for very long; and dick... well dick is hard at work in his batcave, because that is how he knows to react to disaster. 

4.5. i know that i spend quite a bit of my reviews harping on and on about dick, but he is more than just the team leader, or the one with the most well-defined arc so far, or the connective tissue between the old and new teams: the titans is HIS, in ways both subtle and insubtle. batman is funding the whole thing; their resources, their tech? all wayne enterprises. by extension, this shindig is dick’s idea, dick’s operation, something he shaped after himself--serene, beautiful, somewhat impersonal on the surface and batman-the-symbol, batman-the-phantom, right at the centre. 

4.65. so when the burden of morality-bending vengeance falls squarely on dick’s shoulders, it seems natural. it also seems entirely natural that when dick does follow through on what the team wants from him, the fallout is also put square on him: he’s the one that’s gone completely off the rails, the one that would sacrifice anything for a mission (like hank implies in the previous episode), the one haunted by his own darkness. this, of course, is patently false, as trigon demonstrated earlier this season.

5. the opening scene of slade wilson doing the Thing He Does Best was so fun to watch. i love that this show is always trying to do interesting things with the camera. (tho i wonder, who hired him to take out donna troy in san fran? was that even his original objective? was it dr light? i am Confusion)

5.5. ... even tho the villain-confrontation scenes seemed hampered by low effects budgets and a lack of... kineticism. i can’t figure out how dr light works even after two episodes of seeing him do his thing. he can apparently implant light bombs in people but never seems to use this awesome ability again, when it can actually help him against the titans? 

6. the moment i saw joey wilson’s profile through the window of his home, i knew he was going to be my favourite character on this show. i love him and his enthusiasm and his cute shoes and his love for vintage records SO MUCH! i know it’s been hinted that he died, but i can’t bear the prospect for even a second. HE’S ALIVE AND WELL SOMEWHERE HAVING TEA AND LISTENING TO GREAT MUSIC WITH AMY ROHRBACH, I JUST KNOW IT

6.5. dick (and the others) wouldn’t be so horrified with themselves and think about shuttering the titans for good if they hadn’t felt some kind of attachment to jericho. dick especially i think is going to fall into an actual honest friendship with joey and is going to extremely disgusted with himself when it all ends in tragedy anyway. 

6.75. we’re probably not going to find out what actually happened to joey for a while, but here’s hoping the Unforgivable won’t happen.

7. on the brightside tho, KORY’S BACK NEXT EP! can’t wait.