#i hope a journalists asks... my guy this is an original thought nobody else needs to know this

[pikaclerc]

Normal reaction to hearing the news that Max Verstappen is a dad: Congratulations!

Kym Illman for some reason: I HOPE A JOURNALIST IMMEDIATELY ASKS HIM ABOUT THE BABY'S NATIONALITY

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 9

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 9

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The Gala. The Wayne Gala. The Wayne New Year’s Gala. The Wayne Gala to celebrate the New Year.

“I can’t do it!” Marinette screamed. “What if I trip and fall on Mr. Wayne and then he will break his leg!? Or what if I accidentally babble something I’m not supposed to and make it a disaster!? Or what if Lila makes a mess and I get blamed for it in front of thousands of people!?” She started breathing heavily. “Or maybe I’ll just look awkward and people decide that I’m useless and Mr. Wayne decides that I should leave Damian to spare him the embarrassment?! I can…” Tikki slapped Marinette when she didn’t respond to any of her pleas.

“Marinette! Breathe.” The Kwami instructed her. 

“Sorry Tikki. I’m really nervous. I know that making the announcement today is the best option since we’re starting school soon and the news would break anyway, but it’s just so… I’m not used to all that.” 

“I know Marinette. But you must accept that your beloved lives in these circles and you must respect some of the needs. He’s changing for you, but you can’t just demand he abandon his old life.” 

“I know… I really want to make this work. He… I know I can trust him like nobody else. Even… even you… I love you, but you’re not…”

“Human?”

“Yes! I’m sorry Tikki. You’re still my partner and my best friend. Don’t tell that to Chloé though.”

“My lips are sealed.” The kwami giggled. “You’re my favorite chosen too, Marinette. You have the true creation inside you.”

“Thanks, Tikki.”

“Not get on and show them what you’re made of!” The little goddess cheered. 

“Yes! I’m going to rock! I’m great!” The girl said confidently and put on the purple mask with golden lines. 

-------

Damian waited impatiently for his beloved to come. The guests were already filling in and his father and brothers went to greet them. Tom and Sabine, dressed in their MDC original outfits, were already on the dance floor, showing everyone that they could still move even in their forties. Cass was probably somewhere with Bourgeois, stealing cookies or something. The two seemed to bond over being the third wheel and treating Sabine like their new mother. 

“Wassup Dames?” A voice startled him and Damian whirled around with a punch that stopped an inch from Jon’s nose. 

“Tt. Aren’t you supposed to be downstairs? With the guests?” He grumbled. 

“Nah. Mom and Dad are with your dad, going over the safe questions to ask your wi…” Jon didn’t get to finish that word because Damian lunged at him and covered his mouth. 

“Tt. Shut up. The last thing I need is drama caused by your big mouth.” 

*muffled sounds*

“I don’t care. Mouth shut or I’ll test the new Kryptonite dusters.”

*more muffled sounds*

“I did get them. Want me to try them out right now?” Jon shook his head. “Good. We’ve got an agreement?” A nod. “Fine.” Damian let him go.

“You’re very violent, you know that?”

“Tt. Shut up.”

“I’m just saying.” 

“I told you to…” Damian’s words died in his throat. Marinette entered the scene.

“Shall we?” She asked, handing him a sleek black mask with gold details. When light reflected from it, a very subtle purple gleam could be seen.

“It’s incredible, Habibti. Just like the rest of my suit.” He was dressed in a pure-black three-piece, a white shirt underneath, and had a black tie. He screamed style and power.

-------

All in all, the trip was not yet a disaster for Lila Rossi. Her lies were slowly taking root in the people around her. Like the clerk at the Hotel. Soon, she would have them all wrapped around her fingers. Only Maribrat and Chloé seemed to be completely immune to her charms. But that girl was too goody-two-shoes for her own good and Bourgeois was hated even before she started her work. 

There was also that exchange student, Grayson boy… Darren, Damien, something like that. She couldn’t believe she thought that guy was Damian Wayne when he first walked into her class. She went as far as stopping Alya from being mean to him. From her research, all Waynes were kind and helpful. Damian Wayne supposedly volunteered at an animal shelter. The press described him as ‘cute in a special way.’ Blasted Waynes and their no-pictures policy. The guy in her class looked a bit similar to Bruce Wayne, at least at first glance. Then, she noticed that his skin was darker (not just solar tan), his nose was a bit different too. And his eyes were green. It was the only constant with the Waynes. They all had dark hair and blue eyes.

As such, she dismissed him as unimportant and focused on her more important goals. Making a deal with Gabriel Agreste, or rather Hawkmoth, was risky. In the end, it worked out for her in many ways. She gained a foothold from which she made her small empire. And Agreste boy was nice arm candy for a while. Until he went all psycho on Maribrat that is.

Now if she found one of the Waynes, she could start working on worming her way in. Blasted masks! They appeared too good in the media not to have a big dirty secret to exploit. Blackmail wouldn’t be new for her. 

The Gala was slowly starting when all the lights turned off. Two stage flood lights focused on the stairs leading to the second floor of the manor. Two people appeared on them. First was a young man, about her age, dressed all black. He radiated money and influence and she was sure what he wore was in fact an MDC original. But he was nothing next to his companion.

Her dark-purple dress shone in the light like a thousand diamonds. It hugged her figure perfectly and while she was most likely the same age as her companion, she still looked stunning. The high collar was embroidered with a golden thread that formed intricate patterns around her slender neck. The sleeves went down to her arms where they seamlessly merged with gloves. The line was blurred by twin bracelets that each had a symbol of a bat with flowers. A nod toward the Bats of Gotham while keeping it original. From the waist down, it opened on the side, giving her the freedom to move while still keeping the near-royal appearance. With each step, it flowed slightly, revealing the golden underlining. Her legs were also covered with the same material down to ballet shoes in a deeper shade of purple finished with golden lining.

Her blue hair reached slightly beyond her shoulders and matched her eyes perfectly. All the gold and purple served to make everyone focus on her. 

Lila cursed under her breath. There was no chance anyone would notice her with someone like that parading around. Something had to be done. Lila checked her own dress. It was pretty, but when compared to that, it came plain. 

All her scheming came to the halt when the pair walked over to Bruce Wayne and got him to stop speaking with Gotham’s mayor. They knew him. A realization dawned on her. It was Damian Wayne and his date. They had to be. But his eyes… they were green. 

“No…” escaped the Liar’s lips. The woman she was talking to noticed and followed her gaze. Some part of Lila’s brain noticed she also checked her dress and was saddened. At least her reaction was not out of place. 

Bruce Wayne walked with the two back to the stairs where the stand with a microphone was prepared before the lights were turned back on. Sensing a juicy story, all the journalists and bloggers swarmed as close as possible. Some even lost their masks. 

“Can I have a moment of your attention?” The billionaire asked. His eyes swept over the crowd. “Before I start, I wanted to remind you that there is a strict no-photos policy on the gala. We’ve hired a photographer with an exclusive contract and any pictures taken not by him will be considered a breach and will be met with a lawsuit.” 

The murmurs broke all around the crowd. It was a known fact that taking unsolicited photos at Wayne Galas was forbidden. There was no need to remind anyone about it unless it was a really juicy piece. The last time Bruce Wayne took time to remind everyone about this was when Jason Todd turned out to be alive and well, only slightly amnesiac. 

“Now. First I wanted to welcome everyone to this year’s Gala. We’re closing another year and I thank everyone for showing up to celebrate with me and my family.” He raised a small glass of champagne. “In particular, I wanted to welcome a class from Paris that is participating in the year-long exchange program funded by the Thomas Wayne Education fund. I hope you enjoyed Gotham so far.” The journalists were frantically noting everything down. Either for publishing or just to put it in tabloids with some conspiracy theories. “Now, onto the main reason for the announcement. You know I’m not good at speeches.” He grinned and the crowd exploded into laughter. “Since my son just returned from Paris, I’m well aware that this news would break anyway when he returned to school. I ask you to respect their privacy and… well, at least try not to bother them. May I introduce Damian Wayne and his girlfriend, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Everyone started to either whisper or frantically make notes and think of questions to ask. The fact that Damian Wayne, dubbed Ice Prince of Gotham, got himself a girlfriend serious enough to be introduced to everyone was already front-page news for many of them. Even just the dress she wore was front-page news. Any journalist that dabbled in celebrity fashion would recognize an MDC original by now, at least from Jagged Stone or Clara Nightingale. The two refused to even consider anything else. 

“Tt. Against my better judgment, I know that teenagers are walking gossip machines so you would all learn it the moment we entered Gotham Academy.” Damian started his speech. “As such, I want to clear any and all confusion before it can start. This,” he motioned at Marinette, “ is my girlfriend. We met in Paris and clicked immediately. I expect you to show her the same respect you show my family or I will challenge you to an honor duel.” 

Damian was not even trying to hide his distaste for journalists today. He could see that Marinette was uncomfortable with this attention even more than he was. He grew up used to attention while simultaneously being taught that newspapers were at best a propaganda tool and at worst trouble to be dealt with. Obviously, he disliked them, even more, when he became Damian Wayne. Usually, he tried to remain civil to the journalists unless they were irritating. Today, he didn’t bother. Not that they didn’t know he was a private person. A certain paparazzi with a blade going through his camera would attest to that. 

“Angel, do you want to answer their questions or should I?” He whispered.

“Um… shouldn’t you first tell them more?” 

“No. It’s better if I only answer what they want to know.” 

“Um… Maybe you start.” 

“Fine.” He turned back to the microphone. “I will be taking the first question.” He pointed at Clark who had his hand in the air. 

“Clark Kent, Daily Planet. Could you tell us more about how you met?” 

“I joined Marinette’s class for the exchange program my Father mentioned. The only free seat was next to her, so that’s where I sat. What got my attention first was her willingness to stand up to injustice and forgive those who slighted her. She was open-minded and didn’t back down even when I was… Ehm… a bit rude.” He admitted. “I managed to ask her out and she showed me the side of Paris you don’t usually see with a tour guide. We share a passion for drawing and she shared with me her favorite place in Paris. No, I won’t reveal it. After that, my respect for her only grew when she was willing to accept an apology from a girl that bullied her in the past, helping her actually change her ways. Next question?” He pointed at a different journalist. He really hoped he picked right. The masks were making it harder than he assumed. A flaw in their plan that they overlooked. 

“Vicky Vale, Gotham Gazette” The woman introduced herself and Damian resisted the urge to curse. His Father’s ex was not exactly the most favorable toward them after their breakup, even if she tried to stay professional. “What more can you tell us about the mysterious girl behind the mask? So far we know she’s from Paris and likes to draw, plus some traits.”

“May I answer this?” Mari asked Damian, thinking it was high time for her to step up and help. He nodded and stepped back so she had free access to the microphone. “Hi. I'm Marinette. Mostly, I’m just a normal girl with a normal life…” She started. What followed was quite a long introduction where she gave the press enough to satisfy them while keeping private the parts she wanted.

There were many more questions. About family, plans, dreams, etc. The young couple answered some while dismissed others as too personal and rude. Finally, after over an hour they ended the event and told those who would stay to move on with the gala while several journalists were removed. In total, ten photographic devices were confiscated and Chloé got the honors of handling everything with Tim. He was there for a technical site, she was there for intimidation. 

One of the particularly irritating paparazzi tried to argue, but then Chloé started to rant until he was cowering in the corner. Pretty much everyone around them was now glaring at him with a hateful gaze. After that, they mostly behaved. 

-------

“Well… that was exhausting. And it’s only ten pm?” Marinette and Damian were resting next to the snacks table. They were enjoying a moment of peace once the initial wave of well-wishers passed. Jason was keeping an eye on the class to make sure they were stopped from making anything worse for themselves and everyone else. So far they were too stunned to deal with it. He was pleased to see that Alix girl was finally doing something and pointing out many flaws in their reasoning. The problem was Lila disappeared in the crowd for the moment. Chloé was on the hunt though. She was a master of dealing with a rich crowd, probably surpassing even Drake. 

“Here you are!” A voice startled the couple. Marinette and Damian turned to see a group of four people. Jon was one of them. There was also a girl with blonde hair pulled into a long braid and a boy in a blue suit with medium-long black hair and blue eyes. The fourth one made Marinette’s blood run cold. Her eyes went wide and she acted before anyone caught the wind of it. A strong straight punch sent the boy looking like Adrien flying onto the ground. 

Chatter around them died in an instant. Marinette tried to lunge at him, but Jon caught her. He was probably the only one strong enough to hold her back. 

“Let me go! Don’t you see he is a criminal?!” She was doing her best to get out of his grip. Damian suddenly was holding the blade to the neck of the blonde boy. 

“You have five seconds to speak.” 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not my moronic cousin. Would you please let go of me?” He asked with a thick British accent. 

“Tt. Prove it.” Damian scoffed. 

“Ugh. I’m really tired of dealing with everyone taking me for a criminal just because I look like him. Ask my mother!” 

Indeed, a blonde woman in a gray dress was making her way through the crowd. “Felix sweetie!?” She kneeled next to him while glaring daggers at Damian and Marinette. Reluctantly, he took away the sword but didn’t put it away. Dick and Tim also arrived.

“What happened?”

“That twit attacked my Felix!” 

“Tt. He shows up and looks just like a known criminal. You should’ve really chosen something other than a black mask and a black suit.” Damian frowned. He didn’t exactly feel bad about the incident, but the press would jump on that.

“It’s alright mum. I admit I’m partially at fault. I forgot the reaction Parisians have to me right now.” He bowed his head. “Please accept my apologies.” His lower lip was bleeding.

“Um… here. Let me help you.” Marinette pulled a tissue from her pocket (of course her dress had pockets) and handed it to him. Nodding, he wiped the blood. 

“Tt. I’m still not convinced.” 

“Damian! That’s rude. I remember Felix. He was in Paris once.” Then, she mumbled under her breath. “Caused a triple akumatization.”

“I am sorry for that…” 

“Felix joined our class this year. You left the day before he came.” The blonde girl explained.

“It was all just one big misunderstanding folks. You can move on.” Dick took control of the crowd and allowed the teens some breathing space. Except that’s when the class finally decided to start speaking up. 

“Yeah right! Marinette is just a big bully! I’m in her class and she was mean to Lila from the beginning. I wouldn’t be surprised if she dated Damian Wayne just for money.” Alya had to babble. The rest of the class (minus Alix) was either nodding or giving their own confessions, real or not, and always against Marinette. 

So far the Waynes avoided any accusations about gold-digging. The one journalist that tried to pick up the subject (subtly at first) was silenced by Damian’s evil eye. Now more people murmured. And the number of people able to respond was greatly limited as Damian, Chloé, Jason, and Sabine had to be restrained from hurting people. 

To everyone’s surprise, it was Cass who jumped on the table.

“Shut…! Up!” She shouted. Or what stood for her shouting, which was only slightly louder than normal people’s speech. Still, it got everyone’s attention. “Cousin Nettie is… kind. Good. Sel… Selfless. She is my family. Not… digger.” She glared at several people that were still muttering. “Saw her… date with Damian. She did not let him pay. Not digger!” There was a dangerous edge in her voice. That was enough to shut people up. Except for the class. 

“Of course you would protect her!” Kim stared at her. “You’re probably…” He didn’t finish because Alix covered his mouth. The girl noticed that Bruce, who was restraining Jason Todd was about to let go. She wasn’t sure exactly what would happen, but she wasn’t willing to find out. 

“I think it’s time for you to leave. Where is your teacher/chaperone?” Bruce asked, also glaring at them.

“Um… Madame Bustier is…”

“Madame Cheng is right there!” Mylene pointed to where Tom was doing his best to stop his wife from grabbing the Bag and cutting the class into tiny pieces.

“I… I don’t think it would be healthy for us to go with her right now. She is very emotional right now.” Alix offered. She was trying to act like the voice of reason. Something this class lacked. 

The teacher was quickly located flirting with one of the musicians invited to the gala. She was completely unaware of what her charges did. 

“I’m sure it was just some misunderstanding. Marinette indeed started acting out a bit this year. They probably overexaggerated a bit.”

“Tt. You mean she stopped being a doormat?” Damian huffed. 

“As I said, it’s time for the kids to leave,” Bruce said in a harsh tone. 

“Oh… Okay. I’m sure Sab…” 

“Caline. You’re the one responsible for taking care of them. You’ll take them away when Mr. Wayne asks.” Tom then pointed at his wife, who he was holding a few inches above the ground to keep her from doing something stupid. 

“Um… Of course.” The teacher sighed. “Kids. Gather your things. We must leave.” 

As they were walking out, people applauded. After Alfred closed the doors behind them it was finally safe to let the more violent part of the family free. In all that mess, nobody noticed that a certain sausage-haired girl was not with them

“Now, Wayne.” The blonde started. “Want to explain why we had to learn about you having a girlfriend from a press conference?”

“Or why did Jon know her before us?” The boy added. 

“I would also appreciate hearing how my bloody cousin earned your ire,” Felix added. 

“Oh! Sorry.” The girl turned to Marinette. “I’m Allegra and this is Claude. You already know Jon and Felix. We’re Damian’s friends. Or the closest thing he had to such.” 

“Tt. I don’t have friends.” 

“Bro. Not cool.” Claude argued.

“Shut up. Claudius.” he huffed. 

“You wound me.” The teen gasped and put a hand on his chest. “Dami.”

Felix and Marinette watched from the sidelines how the quartet bickered. Jon tried to help Damian sort things out. 

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry,” Felix said after a moment of silence. “My cousin is a daft git.” 

“That we can agree on,” Mari said absentmindedly while trying to keep the eye on Damian. She hoped he didn’t bring the kryptonite dusters tonight. 

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Masterlist // Next

[beesmygod]

this is what riverdale is about (part 4)

part 1

part 2

part 3

i’m back, to continue from where we left off. obnoxiously, i’m going to take a minute to plug my patreon, which is primarily for my webcomic but i also do movie reviews and talk about bad books i find so if you like these posts, you’ll probably like those as well. all i ask....is one dollar a month.

anyway fuck that let’s get back into this.

images are from the riverdale wiki

SEASON ONE (PART 2):

the last picture show: immediately this show reveals that our beloved jughead has been living in a nearly abandoned drive-in that he also works at. too bad for him, because it’s closing down. hilariously, literally nobody in his circle of friends cares and call his make-shift house a crack den. owned. its revealed an anonymous buyer purchased it from the town and the mayor decided to sell it to whoever.

archie brings flowers to his teacher-girlfriend’s recital and when he and grundy (and his dad) head to pop’s for a good ol malt or whatever, betty confronts him about his relationship. betty is hurt when he says grundy believed in him when no one else did and goes home with renewed purpose: take grundy down.

veronica’s mom is caught having a heated argument with a member of the southside serpents gang next to a dumpster by cheryl who, as she delights in misery and disaster, captures it all on camera. she shows veronica, who confronts her mother who brushes her off.

betty lures grundy into a fake interview for her school paper instead of going to the police. betty seems to be determining all of this based on the fact that she didnt have any social media until a year ago, which really makes me question betty’s journalistic bonefides. its framed like this means she didn’t exist before she got a twitter or whatever. its really weird. more relevant is that the only record of a geraldine grundy.....WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO DIED 7 YEARS AGO!!!!! she takes this information to archie as well, who doesn’t care at all. he’s way too horny to care.

betty breaks into grundy’s vw bug and finds a gun and her real i.d. with her real name. archie is still too horny to care, even though betty (again, really overstepping her journalistic bounds) says that grundy might have killed jason (BASED ON THE EXISTENCE OF A GUN BETTY!!! COME ON). archie finally asks grundy straight up what the fuck is going on and she cops to trying to escape from an abusive husband, hence the gun and fake names.

jughead finds out that archie’s dad’s construction company won the bid to destroy the drive-in. its a bad time to be jughead. he tries to ask archie’s dad not to tear down the drive-in. through this convo we learn that jughead’s dad was fired from andrews construction several years ago for theft. a scene after this reveals that veronica’s mom is facilitating the purchase of the drive-in with the mayor pn behalf of her incarcerated husband.

i’m so glad the wiki reminded me of this line, word for word: everyone (and i mean literally everyone in town) goes to the drive-in for one last hurrah, where the southside serpents are guffawing up a storm. veronica somehow silences them by saying “You know what happens to a snake when a Louboutin heel steps on it? Shut the hell up or you’ll find out.“ it sucks so bad. veronica then witnesses her mother having an encounter with the same gang member who she is revealed to be paying to drive down the value of the drive-in property so hiram lodge can buy it for cheap.

archie and grundy are caught in a passionate embrace after betty’s mom reads her diary and goes on the warpath, rightfully telling her to get the fuck out of town or she’ll reveal her to be a child molester. grundy agrees to leave and archie is heartbroken. the last show of geraldine this season is her ogling two teen boys. horrible. leave, woman.

jughead leaves his shitty home and on his way out is accosted by the same gang member who was talking to hermoine lodge and is revealed to be....JUGHEADS DAD!!!!!!!!!! whatever.

heart of darkness: the town is abuzz with jason’s upcoming funeral and the teens of riverdale are fighting over who gets to take the dead kids spot as captain of the football team in a really normal and not at all super ghoulish way. archie is working his heart out now that his favorite teacher/pedophile has fled town. he has his time wasted by a member of the pussycats, valerie, who nets him a meeting with a music songwriter who tells archie he doesn’t have time for his shit. its a weird and totally pointless scene in the long run. it doesnt matter because archie’s music thing never comes to anything. the guy tells archie later, when he returns with sheet music, that his songs suck shit and he hates his music and to get out of his office.

jason and polly’s (betty’s sister) relationship seems to be at the center of whatever happened to jason, so betty starts asking around town about her sister, by using dates as a cover to ask probing questions to members of the football team. she also tries asking her father, who explains that polly and jason had a fight, polly tried to kill herself and so was shipped off to a mental institution. learning about jason’s death fucked her up again so they shan’t be exposing her to more sordid info about the events. the only information they get is that jason was selling drugs to raise money to leave town.

betty and jughead trace this thread to find out why jason would want to leave town but veronica is already finding out firsthand after she is invited to the blossom mansion for the world’s worst sleepover before the memorial (cool timing): the blossoms are all insane. they make their money on maple syrup, using the funds to build riverdale as we know it. veronica and cheryl bond over their awful parents and versonic encourages cheryl to act out at jason’s memorial FOR SOME REASON. KNOWING FULL WELL WHO CHERYL IS.

demonstrating extremely normal judgement, betty and jughead plan to raid jason’s room during the memorial to find clues. cheryl goes full hamlet, throwing herself on the coffin and weeping during her eulogy. they use this as cover to sneak away and go commit the worst social faux-pax you truly can do. however, they are interrupted by cherly’s senile grandmother, nana rose, who mistakes her for polly and reveals polly and jason were engaged. 

betty takes this information to her father who reveals he already knows but forbid the arrangement because the blossoms and the coopers have been trying to kill each other for decades over the whole maple syrup empire thing. betty and jughead later suspect her dad broke into the sheriff's office to steal his files related to uhhh everything i guess; a hunch which turns out to be correct.

meanwhile veronica’s mom is sent a live snake by the serpent gang, calls big strong fred andrews to come save her and then asks him for a job.

faster pussycats! kill! kill!: first of all fuck, the name of this ep.

archie, for some reason because i guess he doesn’t know what embarrassment is, decides he’s going to play an original song he wrote for the school talent show. he immediately gets stage fright at the try-outs and wusses out. veronica goes behind his back to sign him up anyway. thanks, asshole!

valerie, from the last ep, quits the pussycats because josie is slightly more stressed than usual about uhhh the talent show. also because she has a crush on archie for some reason.

hermoine, while acting as fred andrews’ new secretary, realizes he’s fucking BROKE. why’d he hire her? who knows. too late now. she suggests firing some people (for example............her, maybe, fred) but fred cant bear it...and is hoping to be saved by the newest construction job he doesn’t know that hermoine is manipulating under the table. much like his son, fred is now too horny to care and they make out while veronica watches awkwardly.

the remaining pussycats try to figure out what to do about their missing member problem. josie’s mom helpfully lays out that they need a strong woman of color, but not one prettier or more talented than josie. enter...VERONICA!!! who is miffed because archie replaced her with valerie in the talent show duet. veronica is now scientifically less pretty and talented than josie by show standards, which just rules because i love thinking that there are teen power rankings in riverdale.

betty and jughead make their way to visit polly at The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy which is literally the best name for a goth cover band in the world. surprise! polly is pregnant with jason’s baby. polly reveals she and jason planned to run away together, but she was caught by her parents and sent away. she then awkwardly asks how jason is and someone has to break the news to her.

josie’s dad makes a brief appearance, which i absolutely do not remember at all. i thought he only showed up in season 3 which makes mayor mccoys character arc way more awkward. anyway, the mccoy family, the andrews and the lodges all have dinner together to discuss business and its awkward as all hell. no one at the table likes the andrews.

betty straight up asks her dad if he killed jason and her mom laughs her ass off at the idea of betty’s soft white suburban ham shank looking dad being able to kill a weed much less a human. keep that in mind.

veronica’s mom forges veronica signature on a form allowing andrews construction to move ahead with the job.

jughead and betty kiss after talking about how they arent their parents. keep that in mind. anyway, betty takes jughead to a car polly mentioned that full of EVIDENCE. they take picture of it and leave the car to go tell the sheriff because i guess suddenly no one has cellphones.  jughead and betty return with the sheriff later to find the car has been light up by an unknown person. almost immediately after, bughead tries to rescue polly at the institution only to find she’s already bailed. welp.

josie and valerie make up and all four pussycats perform. josie’s dad walks out on her performance? harsh. cool dad moves.

archie sings and the crowd loves it. who gives a shit.

a kid died, guys. come on.

[sleemo]

Stardust

[ Translated from Spanish to English by @sleemo and @nightblossoms-and-spinebarrels ]

Two years after ‘The Force Awakens’, the Imperial March plays again. The galactic saga returns to the big screen with ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’, a movie that promises to be quite unique. Director Rian Johnson and his protagonists tell us what this new stellar adventure will have for us, at least as far as Kathleen Kennedy allows them.

— Cinemanía | December 2017 - Janire Zurbano

“I don’t want Disney princesses, I want Leia,” said the little Rey in costume who was standing in front of me in one of the booths for Funko Pop figures in D23. Now that the success of the saga is measured in mind-blowing figures, the Disney convention has become a coming and going of Gamoras, Méridas and Thors, carrying bags full of Funkos. 

“Before, the fans used to tell me how they met their wives because of Star Wars and now they show me the toys they’ve bought for their children,” Mark Hamill tells us. We met with the director and part of the cast of Star Wars: The Last Jedi after the hangover of D23. “I appreciate all this as I never would have been able to at 20. People ask me: ‘Doesn’t it bother you to be remembered for a single movie role?’ I never expected to be remembered for anything. And now someone has a doll with my face!”, adds the actor.

In all honesty, the merchandise for Star Wars: The Last Jedi has given us more clues about the future of the saga than any trailer or official photo of this new release. In February, a toy box made all the galactic alarms go off by showing an image of Rey with what looked like a padawan’s hairstyle. She just needed to say: “I am your Jedi apprentice”. “I cannot talk about that,” laughs Daisy Ridley.

Everything is kept under wraps in the mysterious universe commanded by Kathleen Kennedy, as the cast well knows. “At the beginning of rehearsals, we didn’t know the plot. I remember being with Mark, making conjectures all the time,” says Ridley. “We could not take the script outside Pinewood Studios,” recalls John Boyega. The newcomers also did not get any special treatment. “That room in Pinewood was like a cave,” says Kelly Marie Tran, to which Benicio del Toro adds with laughter: “I read the script with a timer.” It is not surprising that the Puerto Rican actor speaks cautiously about the film: “Star Wars was the first science fiction film that I felt was mine. I don’t want to be the first to ruin something for the fans.” Without Funkos to dissect and now that Kennedy can’t hear us, let's put them to the test.

New King of the Galaxy

It’s been two years since J. J. Abrams expanded the universe created by George Lucas, this time for Disney. The Force Awakens revived the essence of the original trilogy, far from that attempt to renew the prequels. Many specifically criticized that it was a copy of A New Hope. However, what struck Mark Hamill was something else: “Twice a week, for 50 weeks, I was tortured. They called it physical training. I even did a diet of ‘If it tastes good, don’t eat it’. I lost 20 kilos! Then I discovered that I only appeared for a few seconds at the end looking like a grumpy neighbor.”

Now, to Hamill's good fortune, Abrams has handed over the controls of the Millennium Falcon to Rian Johnson. “I remember asking J.J. if it felt like when, in a divorce, your children go to live with the new cool guy. He told me that it was fine with him but I know he thought: ‘I’m going to miss them,’” says Boyega. The creator of Lost will return to lead Episode IX, but before that Johnson will have to prove if The Last Jedi, which promises shocking revelations, is as “unique” as the cast assures. For now, it will be the longest film in the series, with two and a half hours. But will it be up to the much acclaimed The Empire Strikes Back?

“No comparisons,” Hamill says: “This movie is different from the others in Star Wars thanks to Rian. If it had not been for him, I would have dreaded coming back... I wasn’t sure I wanted to be part of the new trilogy. I thought Harrison Ford wouldn’t come back, he was my savior. But then he accepted and I felt trapped. Since I was the only one who wasn’t here, I would’ve been the most hated.”

The Return of the Jedi

“The Last Jedi starts right where we left The Force Awakens,” Ridley tells us, something unheard of in the saga. We will reunite with Rey the scavenger delivering the lightsaber to Luke Skywalker in Ach-To, after having spent the previous film on his trail. “I don’t remember what Luke says when he takes the saber, but he should have said, ‘That came with one hand, did you bring it too?’, jokes Hamill. 

“Rey must accept that she has power and begin to show her potential,” explains Johnson. She and Darth Vader's son will be the focus of the film, although for now nobody dares to say whether the last Jedi master will train the young woman in the art of the Force. It is as if every time a journalist mentioned the word “Jedi”, a fairy died. “Jedi training? That remains to be seen,” says Ridley sounding mysterious, and adds: “In The Force Awakens, Rey was out of control, but now she will learn from Luke and from herself. She will experience growth.”

Her friend, John Boyega, insists on the novelty of the project: “Rian has done something very different. We wanted Finn to have an identity, like Han Solo or Leia. He supported Rey and the Resistance in Episode VII, but now he must decide if he is willing to fight a battle that is not his. His relationship with Rey and now with Rose Tico [Kelly Marie Tran] will push him into action.” The stormtrooper who deserted the First Order will thus find a new ally in this Resistance mechanic. According to Tran, she is “a nobody” that will star in “several fun moments” with Finn.

And what awaits us in the Dark Side? “Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) is as important as Rey in this new film,” says Johnson. After killing dad Han Solo, the pupil of Supreme Leader Snoke (Andy Serkis) will threaten the Galaxy again, with a new ship like that of his grandfather Anakin. Another who will be back, to Finn's disgrace, will be his former superior in the First Order, Captain Phasma. “I cannot confirm if her face will be seen, but we will learn more about her and she will leave an impression,” says Gwendoline Christie.

DJ, the hacker who Benicio del Toro gives life to, is one of the great mysteries of the film. Will he brandish a lightsaber? “No”, says Del Toro. And does he look like some other character in the saga? “He has elements of Boba Fett, maybe Jabba the Hutt,” the actor replies. According to Boyega (official spokesperson of the Galaxy), DJ resides in the casino planet of Canto Bight, where Finn and Rose Tico will go looking for him because “they need a codebreaker and he is the best”. 

“The interesting thing was being able to propose things to Rian and that he was open to my suggestions, even if they changed the story,” Del Toro assures us. Another fundamental issue for the Puerto Rican is the diversity that exists in the saga: “I saw that Oscar Isaac joined Episode VII, and that Diego Luna appeared in Rogue One, and I thought: ‘They already have two Latinos, I don’t think they need three’, but they called me. It's also great that there are women in leading roles.”

The Girls Are Warriors

And speaking of women... Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher), princess-turned-general, marked a before and after between the heroines of the cinema of the 70s, a legacy that the saga has continued to reinforce. “They told me that a child wanted to run like Rey because, apparently, she is running the way she should,” Ridley recalls, adding: “The reaction of many parents made me realize what Rey means to them. They told me: ‘My daughter has something to wear now that isn’t sexualized.’” The actress is aware of how much Star Wars does for the empowerment of women, although she believes that “as long as we keep talking about it, there will be work to be done. If there was equality, we wouldn’t be repeating that Wonder Woman is starring and directed by women.”

For Gwendoline Christie, this "feminist” aspect of the saga is fundamental: “We live in a patriarchal society, so being able to play the leader of an army is a luxury. Kathleen Kennedy showed me the results that appear when you google ‘female heroines’: many women with barely any clothes.” 

The actress still remembers the impact Princess Leia had on her: “I was six years old and seeing that Leia was smart, funny and did not look like other female characters made me question how women are portrayed in movies. I hope Captain Phasma will also help change the concept of femininity.” In addition to Rey, Captain Phasma and Rose Tico, Episode VIII will feature Amilyn Holdo (Laura Dern), Vice Admiral of the Resistance.

Goodbye Princess Goodbye

Among all the star warriors of Star Wars, General Leia continues to shine more than any other. Outside of the screens, with no Skywalker brawls involved, the cast makes for much closer family: “Mark is the father. Adam is the serious one, but he has a great sense of humor. Oscar is the charmer, John is the fun one, Carrie is the hilarious one, Benicio the cool, and I'm the one who always sings,” sums up Ridley. 

Therefore, the premiere of this film is a bittersweet experience after the death of Fisher in December 2017. For the British actress, “it is strange to be together again without her”. Little did Johnson imagine that he would direct Carrie Fisher’s last film: “We have a beautiful and very powerful performance from her. We have not changed it.”

The one who gets most excited when talking about the actress is her ‘brother’ Mark Hamill: “I keep missing her. I keep talking about her in the present. Selfishly, I’m so angry. She should be here to share Episode VIII and shoot Episode IX.” The Last Jedi is the farewell to an actress who, 40 years later, continues to make us want to be Leia princesses, not ‘Disney princesses’. The Galaxy will not shine the same without her.

[misssophiachase]

So, I got this request a while ago but for some reason couldn’t answer it but have done a screen shot so I can reply. I hope you can find this Alice : ) To be honest my NFL knowledge is extremely low but I tried to incorporate some of the things you suggested. And by the way, great idea! Caroline would be an absolute boss in the NFL (she’d be an absolute boss anywhere though, right?) 

Playing to Win

Monday - Philadelphia, PA

Klaus Mikaelson hated a lot of things but nothing more than this ridiculous ‘sport’ he was witnessing from the stands. Obviously the sold out crowd at Lincoln Financial Field didn’t agree with his assessment of ‘football.’ Klaus may have been thinking it but the air quotes were still relevant. But they were Americans after all. 

Klaus wasn’t a huge sport fan, he did however appreciate real football (sans air quotes). Those Americans who called it soccer obviously did not. 

Klaus reminded himself, albeit grudgingly, he was only here for work and after he completed this one, tedious interview for Marcel he’d have his exclusive with famed artist Bonnie Bennett at her anticipated exhibition opening the following night. 

“Please tell me I’m not stuck with another Bears fan,” the older woman to his immediate right, who had been wildly cheering only moments earlier, drawled. 

“The Bears?” He asked, his lips moving before his brain could catch up. 

“You know the opposing team from Chicago?” She shot back, pointing towards the huge scoreboard across the field. “Not the brown, furry kind.”

“Oh,” he conceded, consulting it properly for the first time. “No, I’m not from Chicago.”

“I’m not sure whether to be relieved that you’re not a Bears supporter or alarmed that you seem to have no football knowledge whatsoever.”

“No need to be alarmed, it’s not the end of the world,” he quipped, flashing her his best smile and hoping to end the awkward conversation sooner rather than later. 

“You’re not the one who’s going to be hit with a barrage of questions about how the game works.”

“I’m fine, I assure you, Ma’am,” he replied politely. 

“So, what exactly is an English, clearly non-football fan doing here at a game in Philadelphia?” 

“Who exactly was going to be asking that barrage of questions?” He teased.

“Well, it’s half time. I’m bored and peckish to be honest,” she explained, before snatching his left over popcorn. “And I’m also extremely nosy when I want to be, just ask my daughter. She also happens to be single, you know in case you were wondering.”

Klaus shook his head wondering how this conversation he hadn’t entertained had turned from football to a possible blind date.

“Oh well, if she’s like you then I don’t think we’d have too much in common,” he observed. 

“For once, I think you’re right,” she chuckled before adding. “But they do say opposites attract.” Klaus mentally rolled his eyes thinking this woman was extremely persistent. 

And he was right.

She proceeded to coach him on the rules from the sidelines even though he never asked. The Eagles were triumphant and Klaus couldn’t help but feel a little buoyed by the fact as the excited crowd cheered around him. Not that he’d admit that to his insistent, but friendly, neighbour. 

1 hour later....

Caroline Forbes hated interviews.

With a passion.

So much so that her palms were sweaty and no matter how many times she ran them over her jeans it made no difference. In public she oozed confidence and professionalism but unexpected questions seemed to make her incredibly nervous.  

When she’d made her way up to the professional coaching level for the Philadelphia Eagles last year, Caroline wasn’t quite sure how she’d be perceived. 

She wasn’t the first ever female coach in the NFL. Jen Welter from the Atlanta Cardinals had become one of her inspirations in 2015 after her promotion and it had given Caroline the confidence to try and emulate her journey in the male dominated NFL. 

Of course it wasn’t an easy road. She had cheered at High School and through College, something idiotic males liked to remind her about at every opportunity. But it had been her mom, the local town Sheriff and huge football fan, who’d made Caroline believe anything was possible. 

Being named as coach was one of the best days of her professional career but for some reason the fact she was blonde and pretty was more interesting than her actual experience and CV.  

When the New York Times had approached Caroline for an interview on the eve of the finals she’d been dubious. But she had eventually relented, mainly because her publicist, and best friend since kindergarten, Katherine had threatened to reveal her innermost sexual fantasies to the press. She realised then that you should never mix business with pleasure. 

After all the jokes, Katherine had told her that Marcel Gerard was a good guy she could trust even if his wife Rebekah had some icy tendencies. 

“Miss Forbes?” Caroline had to admit the low, almost sexual rumble he emitted was messing with her concentration and she hadn’t even seen him yet. She decided to blame it on nerves.

Although upon turning around, Caroline realised her first instincts were correct. Not only did he sound delicious he looked it too. Dressed in a navy henley and dark jeans with deep, crimson lips and a set of disarming dimples this guy was not what she was expecting. 

At all.

“That’s me, who are you?” 

“Well, last time I checked, I was interviewing you for the Times,” he offered gingerly. “I’m Klaus Mikaelson.” 

“I was expecting the Sports Editor, Marcel Gerard.” Marcel was the most well-known reporter in the game and probably why she’d been so nervous to meet him. But instead she had this gorgeous replacement. 

Caroline couldn’t decide which was more nerve wracking. 

“He had to cancel due to personal issues,” he responded. By his expression and tone, Caroline knew there was more to the story.  

“Fine,” she exhaled, moving towards the couch. “Let’s get this over and done with then.”

“Charming,” he joked sarcastically, taking his place on the couch and removing his equipment. It was difficult to miss the way his henley moved up and exposed his the pale but smooth skin of his lower back. 

Caroline shook her head, wondering if being flustered was better than being nervous. “So, which team do you follow?” It was usually a safe, opening question that invited discussion and the right amount of banter. 

“Team? In the NFL?” He paused momentarily, Caroline slightly intrigued by his eventual response.

“No, the English Premier League,” she chuckled. “You know that other football.”

“There’s only one...” he shot back before stopping and intriguing Caroline more. “If you must know I’m a big Chicago Bears fan.”

“Wow, this isn’t going to be an awkward interview at all, sorry about that whole losing thing tonight.”

“I’m okay with losing,” he offered. “But how do you deal with it?”

“Well, I suppose I just take it in my stride,” she bristled. “Nobody likes a sore loser.”

“Yet, your body language is telling me something else entirely,” he observed. “You hate to lose.”

“If that’s your angle Mr Mikaelson then it’s not very original from a football standpoint. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy, competitive streak. I’m sure you feel the same way when Mitch Trubisky is making his way to the goal line.”

“Well...”

“Mitch Trubisky you say? The Quarterback from the Bears,” a voice interrupted. Caroline’s eyes diverted to the doorway noticing her familiar visitor.

“Just invite yourself in mom,” she drawled sarcastically. 

“Mum?” The curious journalist inquired, his attention now firmly focused on the door too. Caroline had no idea what was happening but it was never a good idea for her mom to be present during interviews because she liked to share each and every childhood memory no matter how mortifyingly embarrassing. 

“Liz Forbes, nice to meet you,” she greeted, making her way into the room and sitting by his side.  If Caroline was being honest, they seemed almost comfortable with each other.  “I thought I’d sit in on the interview.”

Caroline obviously had no choice and it seemed that given his confused expression Klaus felt the same way. 

Tuesday - Philadelphia, PA  

Klaus was still trying to work out when things went wrong. His only job was to interview Eagles Coach Caroline Forbes for Marcel and then move on to his real assignment.

But for some reason, rather than feeling excited for his exclusive with Bonnie Bennett at her gallery, Klaus could only replay last night’s events on a continual loop in his head.  

It had started well enough, even though he knew nothing about American Football. He’d been rattled from the outset because Caroline Forbes wasn’t what he was expecting. Sure he’d seen photos before and she was beautiful but the passionate, forthright and intelligent woman he met only made him want to know more. 

Much more.

Until her mother, who just happened to be his neighbour during the game, appeared mid interview. His mind played back to their conversation and her daughter’s single status and the fact she wanted to play matchmaker.

The interview went south very quickly and the fact he knew nothing about football was the least of his worries. It ended with Caroline annoyed that he hadn’t bothered to do his research or take her seriously. If Klaus was being honest she was right but it also had a lot to do with her mother’s presence and obvious intentions to matchmake. 

His cell buzzed indicating a call from his brother-in-law. He’d already let the last three go to voicemail so figured he should just answer. 

“What in the hell did you do?” 

“No hello, how are you, mate?”

“Don’t mate me,” he growled. “What did you do to Caroline Forbes? You do realise that her publicist has the ability to emasculate someone over the phone, right?”

“And did she?”

“No comment,” he muttered like a true journalist, telling Klaus that she most definitely had. He didn’t know the woman but his respect for her had skyrocketed in that moment. 

Although he and Marcel were brothers and now colleagues at the Times, Klaus loved to tease him incessantly. If someone had told him years ago that they’d all be working together as a family he would have laughed. They were all billionaires and the Mikaelson Publishing empire boasted a multitude of newspapers across the globe but Esther’s last wish in her will was that they’d work together on the New York Times in all capacities. 

For a family that had spent so much time apart, Esther was determined to do what she could to bring them together. Sure they fought, a lot, but Klaus had decided it wasn’t half bad. He loved the arts scene and was happy to be the editor of that section. In New York, especially, it was one of the most read, no doubt due to his knowledge and passion for the subject.   

“You realise I’m not into NFL at all, right?”

“That’s why I gave you all that information to study on the airplane, genius,” he drawled. “It is called research.” 

“I started but then fell asleep it was that boring.”

“Of course you did,” he shot back. “But I know you are the king of pretence, so what actually happened?”

“Nothing,” Klaus lied. 

“So convincing,” he growled. “What happened? Otherwise I call Bonnie’s publicist, who by the way happens to be the emasculating one, and cancel the interview.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Then obviously you don’t know me very well after all these years,” he goaded. 

“Turns out I was seated next to her mother during the game who was hellbent on matchmaking us,” he explained. “Then she appeared during the interview and given my brief knowledge of the NFL and that added surprise things kind of became awkward and fell apart.”

“So you were attracted to her?”

“Excuse me?”

“Klaus Mikaelson can pretend in any situation, I’ve witnessed it. Seems like you really like this one. I’m sure Rebekah will be happy to know that you have a heart buried under all that hostility.” 

“You have every right to question my professionalism Marcellus but this conversation is entering into something resembling the twilight zone. And I have an interview to do.”

“This isn’t over,” he warned before disconnecting. Klaus knew he had other more pressing concerns and felt bad that his behaviour had interrupted that.

Removing his coat and scarf on entry to the gallery, Klaus looked around curiously. The artwork adorning the walls was stunning as expected but the best view was at 3 o’clock. 

He wasn’t expecting her but it seemed as if the universe was giving him a second chance. She looked beautiful, obviously it was her default setting, and was standing by the artist in question sipping champagne.

Klaus was a confident person for the most part but he felt rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do or say. This was most definitely a first.

“So, you’re the arrogant reporter Marcel sent?” She deduced. Klaus hadn’t even realised her presence until then. 

“I’m assuming you’re the woman who can emasculate without any warning? Kudos to you, I’ve always wanted that power over my brother-in-law just to mess with him.”

“I see my reputation precedes me,” she chuckled. “Marcel likes to pretend he’s the man but...”

“He’s really not,” Klaus finished. “To be fair he’s been dealing with a few issues on the home front. So, sending me wasn’t his fault.”

“I only emasculate for fun,” she murmured, a new sincerity creeping into her voice. “Marcel is a good guy and I’m sure whatever he’s dealing with will turn out okay.” 

Klaus wasn’t quite so sure but plastered the same brave face he’d mastered recently. “I’m sure. Although I’m curious why you’d let me interview Bonnie after what happened with...”

“Caroline? I’ll admit it was a concern but I’m going to put it out there and say other forces were at work last night.”

“Other forces?”

“Well, Liz for one thing. As much as I love her like a mother she can be extremely intense and nothing gets in the way of finding a suitable partner for Caroline.”

“I can concur,” he replied from experience. 

“Plus, Caroline hasn’t stopped verbally abusing you since the interview and we all know what that means.”

“Means?”

“Look, your expertise and reach in the art world is amazing so interviewing Bonnie was a no brainer. But if it leads to something else with my other stubborn client, I’m not going to be upset.”

“Something else?” She breezed past him to avoid responding. Maybe he didn’t like her that much. His eyes found Carolines and suddenly Klaus felt stuck without much hope of moving. This was most definitely a first.

10 minutes later...

Why was he here, of all places? 

Caroline wasn’t one to obsess over much but seeing Klaus here after last night was messing with her composure. After he fumbled through the interview, Caroline decided he was just like the others. For some reason it hurt more than she’d expected. 

“I can see you thinking,” she quipped. 

“I was thinking how amazing your work is, Bon,” she smiled, squeezing her hand and hoping her innermost thoughts weren’t really on display.  

“Liar,” she joked. “Not about my art. Seems like someone else has gotten under your skin.”

“Just a lazy journalist who has now turned up to interview you, I hope he treats you better than he did me.”

“Have you spoken to Liz?”

“What does she have to do with this?” Caroline murmured, suddenly perplexed. 

“Kat tells me she sat herself next to your ‘lazy’ journalist in hopes of matchmaking the two of you at the game from the outset, then turned up at the interview...”

“Oh god, no,” she hissed, head in hands. “Tell me it’s not true.” A few moments passed telling Caroline it was in fact the opposite. “If she wasn’t my mom...”

“It will be a cute story to tell your kids,” she joked. 

“Kids?” She knew it was him before he arrived at such an awkward moment. 

“An age you can relate to,” she bit out, unable to help herself. 

“Ouch,” he acknowledged. “I get it, I was a bad interviewer for so many reasons but just know it was never personal. I happen to think what you’ve achieved is amazing.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes and the fact I know nothing about football probably wasn’t the best way to meet. I’m an arts editor and was filling in but I should have made more of an effort.”    

“So, you’re not a Bear’s fan then?”

“I’m not a fan of any team,” he admitted sheepishly. “In America that is. Your mum was a really good coach when it came to it, well except for the whole matchmaking scheme.”

“And for that I am extremely sorry,” she smiled, glad that things between them had softened somewhat. She’d always been protective over her heart and it seemed easy to write Klaus off as just another ass but it turns out he had persisted. “Liz can be extremely intense.”

“I kind of liked her, even if she did steal my popcorn at half time. Plus she did coach me about everything NFL.”

“Explains a lot,” she offered. “I’d be happy to redo the interview tomorrow if you’re free and have of course studied up on the team?”

“I need to be back in New York unfortunately,” Klaus winced. “Not many people know this but my sister is unwell and expecting some test results tomorrow and it’s vital we all be there.”

Caroline didn’t need any more information, it was obvious this guy was loyal to his family. He also seemed to like her mom which was a big tick in her book. Maybe she’d misjudged him after all. 

“Of course.”

“But I’d be more than happy to reschedule when you’re free?” Caroline paused for a moment, trying to hide her excitement. 

“In the interest of full disclosure I thought you should know that I’m a Liverpool fan,” she said, her lips finding their way to his ear given the noise reverberating throughout the room. 

“Then I’m not sure you and this Manchester United fan can be friends, love,” his knowing tone telling Caroline he was smirking. “But surely we can work something out?”

“Maybe we can.”

Turns out opposites did attract and Liz Forbes was a great match maker, not that Klaus or Caroline would admit it aloud.