#i need to ESTABLISH danny's CHARACTER and his DYNAMICS with everyone else

[quillyfied]

HEY GANG SO UH. Watched the episode twice, have absorbed a lot of fan speculation, and I think I’m ready to word vomit some gosh darned reactions. This episode spared my plot-side brain for the most part, which means the absolutely feral interpersonal character side FEASTED. Might have to rewatch the episode a third time to keep my brain on track so I’m not running all over the place like an overexcited chihuahua, oh no what a nightmare.

CALLED IT, SHORT ROBE IS APOLOGY TOUR AND FUCKING HATE SEX ENERGY OFF THE CHARTS. Also side note but can I live in Stolas’ backyard?? Also also GOSH HECK but the energy of this argument is just. It’s good? It’s so good, I love Stolas’ deadpan sassy energy, but also the genuine blows that land during this argument are so goddamn painful. Stolas insisting he’s uncomfortable and wants Blitzo to go: valid, fair, proud of him for voicing that. I just hate that that’s what it’s taking to really drive the point home that right now, despite everything else between them that they need to talk about, Blitzo is being the asshole for that, and establishing once again that Blitzo ignoring boundaries is one of his character flaws; luckily, this EXACT episode is also where we get to see him starting to acknowledge that he doesn’t like who he is and how he acts and wants to be different. But for the beginning of this episode especially, just in case we the audience forgot that Blitzo is an absolute asshole, we have to tee up how much of an asshole he can really be when he’s hurt and angry.

“I want to feel like I’m EARNING my way to Earth” Can we unpack that? Can we sit here for a goddamn second and unpack that??? Hang on have to peel my head out of my hands first because holy shit Blitzo. There are layers to that statement, to that sentiment. There’s the lack of self-worth and needing to be a self-made imp, and if his rich fuckbuddy just GIVES him this crystal without having Blitzo earn it in some way, he doesn’t deserve it and he doesn’t deserve his business. There’s the fact that Blitzo does want Stolas but this is the safest way for him to express that without being vulnerable. There’s the bid to return to the status quo, accompanied by “we don’t do words, we do sex.” There’s discomfort there, both with having the crystal no strings attached and with how things are between him and Stolas. It’s a lot.

So, small detour: I’ve been watching the Danny Motta reacts videos (not for everyone but I like them a lot) for the Hellaverse, and in his “I Was Wrong About Blitzo” livestream VOD from a few days ago, he says something about abuse victims and how they react to fights that’s kinda stuck with me when it comes to this episode. BIG disclaimer that I am not qualified or trained to talk about abusive relationships, I’m just repeating what I heard to make a point, and if this is wrong information, I would actually love to know that so I can fix it. Anyway. Paraphrasing, he said that a lot of abuse victims will get into a fight with their abusers and after the fact dismiss it as “oh, we were just angry” to try and rob the fight of its hurtful power as a coping mechanism, which can become maladaptive when in non-abusive relationships, because the abuse victim will be confused as to why they have to talk about something they’ve already written off as over and done and meaningless. Danny Motta applies this to the “Y?” text that Blitzo sends Stolas when Stolas asks if they need to talk about what happened at Ozzie’s, and now I’m applying it here to Blitzo saying “we just had a bad night.” This entire dynamic is happening because Blitzo’s damage and Stolas’ damage are crashing into each other head-on, and watching the pieces crumble is really cathartic in a way. This entire set of episodes where their Arrangement (shoutout to my GOmens girlies) falls apart is so painful but so necessary, because if the show is wanting to take Blitzo and Stolas to a place where they can both be better, not just for each other but for themselves and for what’s coming up in their lives very soon, there has to be the breakdown first.

Like Stolas being apathetic towards Blitzo’s fucky dirty talk, which puts Blitzo on the back foot. Frankly I’m waiting for an argument where they go “but I thought you LIKED when I—” “I cannot stand when you do that, I was faking it,” mainly bc I find that sort of argument very funny, but this might not be the place for one of those (and I can’t decide what I like more, Blitzo being honest about not being into Stolas’ dirty talk or Blitzo being honest about being REALLY into Stolas’ dirty talk, both sound plausible, but we have to get through this emotional hashing out first). ANYWAY. THE POINT. The point is that as much as these arguments and discussions hurt, they’re important. They’re clearing the air, getting the bullshit out from between them. And again, so much kudos and love for Stolas for being more vocal with his boundaries. Blitzo ignoring them is what he does, we know that, I’ve already said it once in this egregious mess of an essay, but it’s funny how in ignoring Stolas’ boundaries, he’s also getting his own pushed and broken—VERY NECESSARY, actually. Blitzo can’t be honest unless it’s being forced out of him somehow, and it’s Blitzo who’s heading the charge into crashing right through his own walls by refusing to back down from this fight.

There’s something really interesting too in the fact that we KNOW Blitzo knows he hates himself and doesn’t think he’s worthy of care, but he still has this very convincing, very loud bravado about his own sexual prowess. He’s very confident in himself as a lover. As a boyfriend, however…nah, he’s good, actually let him deflect immediately back to sex, which is easier and less emotional. It’s a nice complex touch for him. Like, the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” trope can get kinda tired, especially when there’s a string of vengeful exes behind it, but in a lot of ways it feels good for this to be another facet to Blitzo, if only because it’s accompanied by the fact that this character trait is often born from trauma and has more happening with it than is often explored in fluffier fiction. That’s not something I often see in comedies, actually.

BUT THAT CLAPBACK FROM STOLAS. “Oh, yes, relationships are boring…so what are you doing here, then?” BAM. YOU WANT POETRY, STOLS? BC YOU’RE PROVIDING. Goddamn. I love that owl man. Anyway. Blitzo immediately offering angry sex being the thing that pushes the next nugget of truth is AMAZING. Because first of all, Blitzo still being horny for Stolas but deflecting it as trying to prove that Stolas is horny for Blitzo, especially when they’re fighting, is just a delightfully twisty detail. Second, it’s digging into WHY Blitzo called Stolas a “rich pompous asshole,” giving Stolas context for that comment and further finally touching on how Blitzo has very real class disadvantage between them while also holding that against Stolas a little unfairly (comparing him to Striker is such a good move, because BLITZO HIMSELF has already realized that if he and Striker think alike on that subject…ew, that doesn’t feel good). On a wider class-based discrimination scale, Blitzo has every right to be suspicious and dismissive of Stolas’ wealth and station and the ways Stolas is socially and physically above him. On a more personal scale, it’s delicious to watch that crash head-on with the fact that Stolas has been TRYING SO HARD and SO PUBLICLY to get close to Blitzo, to make him happy, to spend some FUCKING time with him, and Stolas hasn’t been using his privilege in that way at all when it comes to Blitzo. The deal for the book was one they agreed on MUTUALLY; Stolas never withheld it from him even when things were uncertain after Ozzie’s. Stolas has bigotry and internalized misconceptions that he has to work on (and might even get to work on on-screen, if the trial episode goes how I think it will), but I think it means so much that Blitzo gets to HEAR that Stolas really doesn’t think he’s above Blitzo, that he doesn’t have a kink for getting dicked down by a rugged peasant, that Stolas doesn’t look down on Blitzo for being an imp the way Blitzo has needed to convince himself that Stolas does. THE GIRLIES ARE TALKING OKAY.

AND I CANNOT BELIEVE WITH MY OWN TWO EYES AND EARS THAT WE GOT AN ON-SCREEN CONFIRMATION THAT STOLAS HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE HARVEST MOON ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT. I cannot believe it. I canNOT believe it. Holy crap the cows are coming home to roost and I think I got that saying wrong but I will not be changing it. If there’s any grander plot information in this episode, it would be this: Stolas learning of the first assassination attempt. If he gets the chance to think on that further beyond just the hurt that Blitzo never told him, he knows that Stella sent Striker the first time; it wouldn’t be a difficult logical leap to think Stella sent him the first time, too, and what that means, especially vis-à-vis divorce proceedings. Which now makes me wonder if there’s demonic law precedent for spousal assassinations being totally legal if infidelity is a factor. Did they have a prenup and can I see it please XD It might be the only leg Stolas has to stand on to defend himself legally, the fact that Stella hired an assassin to kill him TWICE. The abuse he endured is real, but there’s no way to prove it. There certainly are ways to definitively prove that Stella hired an assassin. The “Stolas and IMP are in deep legal shit” theory is more widespread than I thought, by the by, I NEED to get it condensed into one post before October.

ANYWAY.

I kinda hope that Blitzo gets to tell Stolas the things he’s said that have reinforced to Blitzo the idea that Stolas looks down on him, because that is one of the biggest legs that Blitzo has to stand on in this particular argument and I don’t much like the idea of it being taken out from under him because it’s chalked up to Blitzo’s own preexisting prejudice against royal demons. Because Stolas HAS made mistakes on that front, and while this episode is way more about the ways Blitzo screws up and wants to change, Stolas not being totally innocent in this breakup has been one of the key points of Full Moon and one the creator herself has confirmed. And Stolas getting to hear the ways he hurt Blitzo and getting to apologize and change would be SO HUGE, okay?? If this show isn’t gonna tackle the social issues it’s drawing on for drama and comedy alike, if it’s not going to meaningfully solve them Hell-wide, then can we at least solve them between Blitzo and Stolas? Like? Please???

Also. Way to make me a liar, Stolas, being all pissy that Blitzo didn’t come help you with Striker :P I do think that if Blitzo asserted that he was helping Loona and that was more important, it would have taken the conversation somewhere else, but this conversation wasn’t really about that anyway. It’s about how Blitzo and Stolas both truly did not think Stolas could get physically hurt, but in Blitzo’s case it just reinforced his belief in Stolas’ station above him, and in Stolas’ case it played into his romantic story fantasies of playing the damsel in distress without any real stakes. And this conversation is about Stolas being hurt at learning more in depth what Blitzo has been thinking and believing about him all this time, understanding where Blitzo’s coming from. Because Stolas got to spill his guts on Full Moon. It’s Blitzo’s turn. Once Stolas makes one more FUCKING thing clear, things that Blitzo would certainly have seen: how much Blitzo’s idea that Stolas is some uppity prince falls apart when you take Stolas’ very public affection into consideration. And I love Stolas for acknowledging that Blitzo doesn’t owe him anything, but what I so often don’t hear when people say “you don’t owe people shit” is what Stolas says, which is “you can’t just ignore all that.” Listen. Each situation is going to be different. But Stolas is 5000% correct in that his actions have been speaking pretty fucking loudly about where his feelings are, even if his words and the trappings of his station have fallen short (and don’t think that excuses Stolas for still not realizing the hypocrisy of sleeping with an imp even as he has imp servants whom he doesn’t necessarily always mistreat but doesn’t regard either). Blitzo doesn’t owe him love or sex or anything for Stolas offering these things, but even a “no fuck off” is acknowledging that Stolas is trying, that he fucking EXISTS. FUCK.

I know that there is some queer community banter about reclaiming slurs via jokes and memes, but I really do have to wonder what Blitzo’s goal was in both sending Stolas a bunch of “I smell a homosexual” horse memes and then here when he dismisses what Stolas is saying by calling it “the gayest thing he’s ever heard.” I, uh. Am not the target audience for that, I think? At the very least I don’t understand it beyond the tone and knowing that Blitzo is being mean with his words, but probably not the memes. Gonna have to wait for the discourse on that one, I guess. Also was animating that amount of spittle ABSOLUTELY necessary (I think maybe it was).

I also love how Stolas accidentally reverse-psychologies Blitzo into doing a whole apology tour, though. Because that is some classic “duck season/rabbit season” loony tunes shit. “I bet you’ve never apologized in your life” “FUCK YOU I’M THE BEST AT APOLOGIES I CAN APOLOGIZE SO HARD.” And I love that it’s BLITZO that finally says the quiet part out loud, who puts all the pieces together and lays it out nice and simple: he self-sabotages because he hates himself and doesn’t think he’s worthy of anyone’s love so he drives people away before they can care about him. He knows this about himself. He hates this about himself, too, but it keeps him safe. Except it’s not working now. He doesn’t want this, but it’s hard. Even when he’s screaming at Stolas that he can apologize to everyone so good, everyone BUT Stolas, he’s on the verge of tears, he’s shaking from anger, he’s seconds from melting down. He sees what he’s doing. He can’t stop himself from doing it.

But first, he has to uphold his pride and give a bunch of bullshit apologies with surprisingly thoughtful cheese and hot sauce baskets. Let’s watch the imp at work, shall we?

Because godDAMN this is a good comedy segment actually. Such a funny romp through all of Blitzo’s season 1 escapades (AND HOLY SHIT GET IT MRS. MAYBERRY, THAT’S THE FUNNIEST TWIST, HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE). (Side note, how does Blitzo know where Martha lives? And he remembered her NAME, what the fuck. Does he actually keep tabs on former hits that wind up in Hell just so he can know to avoid them??). Don’t think I missed that Moxxie was on the top of that list, followed by the annoying kid from the pilot. And we go through season 1 almost perfectly: Martha from e1, Loo-Loo from e2, CHERUB from e4 (love the non-apology, keep that enmity alive), DHORKS from e6, HE FUCKING THROWS A BASKET INTO THE LOCKED UP FORMER DHORKS COMPOUND FULL OF ROTTING CORPSES, I HOWLED, the hot bouncer from e7. But interspersing all of that with the texts to Stolas he can’t send?? Fucking. OW.

THE GODDAMN FIZZBOT’S FACE ACTIVATED FUCK NO

Okay but WHY don’t I see more art of Blitzo in drag or in pretty dresses?? Canonically he’s been in more of them XD (listen I agree Stolas is so goddamn pretty and deserves to be in all the dresses but let’s throw Blitzo some love here once in a while)

“Looks like you missed some makeup there.” “Thanks, it’s my face.” I just. I need to lie down. I love Blitzo. He hasn’t even started the googly-eyes yet and I love him so much.

Oh, Stolas. I’ve never been to a house party like this and I don’t ever plan to, but I’ve been to enough social functions to know very well the feeling of sticking to a wall because you’re uncomfortable. I love that Verosika does her best to include him, too, welcomes him into this community she’s created. Also wait how the FUCK does everyone know Blitzo and Stolas broke up?? (Blaming a Fizz to Verosika pipeline somehow)

The demonic sacrifice to Stolas scene is so screamingly funny. It’s SO FUCKING FUNNY. I think it’s more funny because, like a lot of the gags in Full Moon, it’s a return of some of that s1 humor that I hadn’t really noticed was missing until it was suddenly back. We can thank Danny Motta for bringing that to my attention, too, but eh. I’m not bothered by it.

I also love that Stolas isn’t entirely comfortable being surrounded by evidence of people wanting to hurt Blitzo (through cathartic alternate means, anyway, though they are literal demons, so maybe in the actual way too). And later on, I love how it’s clear that most of these people don’t really want to hurt Blitzo, either, they’re just hurt themselves. Verosika is picking the pettiest method possible, but she’s doing a good thing here, making a support group for people in emotional distress.

Blitzo you don’t need to start keeping count, you need to start getting tested, because I’m legitimately worried for you. This isn’t slut shaming, this is just good health practices when you’ve fucked enough people to fill a mansion. What the fuck. This is JUST the hellborn population of exes, I imagine if we include sinners the number might be higher. Alright but also Dennis’ presence means he hasn’t actually actively fucked all the people here, right?? Right???? Anyway. It’s the fact that he remembers most if not all of them, too, enough to make specific apologies about things he did to them as he’s walking through them.

LEAVE DENNIS ALONE, HE DID NOTHING WRONG.

Stolas’ song. CHILLS. CHIIIIIILLS. I legit did not recognize Bryce’s voice during that, it’s so different from everything he’s sung before. But it’s so good. It’s EXACTLY what I thought it was going to be, too: not a tear-down anthem, not a belated defense, just Stolas singing about his pain. People who mistakenly think Stolas was shitting on Blitzo during this song can step up because I am very prepared to tell you how wrong you are. Someone in the tags had it right, this episode was practically spoonfeeding us all the subtext most of us had already guessed about the situation and characters, and yet people still didn’t get it. Sad. Anyway. The song. This beautiful anthem to the fuckedness of Stolas and Blitzo’s situation, and opening Blitzo’s eyes further to how his coping mechanisms to not get hurt in turn hurt Stolas pretty deeply. And just. Gosh hecking fucking darn, “I’m not a thief, you were mine to earn, but what if I came on too strong, what if I read this all wrong” FUCK. AND THEN THAT KID MONTAGE. RIGHT THERE. IN THE SAD FADEOUT AT THE END OF THE SONG. I JUST. I. HHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And then we come to the drunk conversation. Which. Again, on brand, doubtful that it would be these two trainwrecks if something weird wasn’t happening, but it’s so funny to us the audience to hear Blitzo make a comment about never seeing Stolas put it away like that before when we know that poor bird downs absinthe like it’s Gatorade when he’s upset. But. Even as they’re in a bad emotional place, even as they’re trying to clear the air, the casual intimacy and comfort they have around each other is really sweet. Wouldn’t be happening if Stolas wasn’t drunk, but still. Watching Blitzo take care of Stolas is always sweet. He just does it so deftly, like it’s second nature, that watching Blitzo fidget and hesitate to touch Stolas hurts all the more for knowing that he didn’t hesitate at all to catch Stolas when he was falling. I’m hoping it’s portents of what’s to come, in time, when they’ve both worked on themselves a bit. Or at least had a full clearing of the air. They get a good way into it this time, with Blitzo reiterating how he’s felt about Stolas and how inferior he feels and unlovable, and how much Stolas just wants to be cared about (with the implication that Blitzo didn’t make him feel that way), but that’s not the last conversation they need to have. The last one, I think, is when Blitzo will be able to admit out loud that even with all the shitty behavior and the casual classism and the fights and the apologies…he loves Stolas. He cares. He cares so much. And he’s so scared. Blitzo knows it. It’s the saying it that’s hard.

“Stolas, that’s…a rom-com.” He doesn’t even sound dismissive, he just sounds sad. Blitzo is so SAD that that’s what Stolas wants, because Blitzo doesn’t DO stuff like that, it’s not real, it’s cheesy and unrealistic and by Satan and Lucifer and Ozzie and whoever else I have to swear by, if we don’t get Blitzo pulling classic cheesy romcom moves in an attempt to really make Stolas feel special I’m going to TEAR MY HAIR OUT (and then write the fanfic). GIVE THE IMP A BOOM BOX.

But the way Stolas just stares at Blitzo, waiting for his input before he accepts the dance invitation from “Better Than Blitzo” Guy. The way Blitzo LETS HIM GO. I HATE IT BUT I LOVE IT AND IT HAD TO HAPPEN BUT IT HURTS.

AND NOW THE PART I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR MOST: BLITZO TALKING TO VEROSIKA. YEEEE

I love that it starts…kind of typical? Like, Blitzo went up there pretty quiet and reserved, calls her Ver (!!!!!!!), but once the back-and-forth very bitter arguing starts between them, he gets this grin on his face, like he’s glad to be back somewhere familiar. Before her lack of reaction just pokes that bear that’s been under his surface all day and he starts breaking down—the exact kind of breakdown he needs, the emotional one, the verbal five-gallon vomit of what’s actually inside of him and not just the bullshit he spews on the daily to distract others and protect himself. And it’s such a key piece of the Verosika puzzle, too, because this is how it went: Verosika said “I love you.” And Blitzo stole her car, left her to cover the hotel bill, ran three rings to Wrath, and maxed out her credit cards on shitty horse-riding lessons. Like. Wow. What the fuck, Blitzo. Which, given how catastrophically he felt he had to fuck that up…probably meant he loved her, too. Or even if he didn’t, even if he cared but didn’t care as much as she did, the fact that THAT’S what he did, rather than just ghosting her or breaking up over text or anything else a normal level of shitty? Like, what the fuck, Blitzo, I know you’re a trained clown and assassin but that’s brutal. And it’s an extreme example of how Blitzo responds to others being vulnerable by doing everything he can to cover up his own vulnerability, but between that and Blitzo thinking Stolas telling Blitzo he cares and wants Blitzo to stay is a new kind of sexual roleplay Stolas wants to try out…Blitzo doesn’t do measured responses. If there’s this many people still hurt by what he did to them and most of them were probably singular hookups, it really sheds some perspective on the scope of the problem. And the depth of what Blitzo means when he says he doesn’t want to be this way anymore.

“Why am I the bad guy just for sucking at relationships?” Look dude there’s sucking at relationships, and then there’s becoming a toxic black hole of self-hatred and self-destruction that takes out an entire city block with it when it detonates. And what Verosika says, too, how somehow she still feels bad for hating him—like HOOOOOLY SHIT. Paired up with Stolas pointing out that this many people wouldn’t hate Blitzo if they hadn’t cared about him so much first. Blitzo could RULE HELL if he could figure out how to properly weaponize that charisma XD On a more serious note, though, I think the examples are extreme partially because this is a comedy show and there is something very darkly funny about Blitzo’s nuclear response to affection, but also because if this show has been trying to do anything, it’s been exploring the depths of self-hatred and how that destroys everything around it, and if there’s one thing cartoons in particular are supposed to do, it’s exaggerate. The story is real. The details are fucked, but the feelings behind the story is so real. Verosika’s response is disproportionate but her pain is real. Stolas’ ballad is dramatic but his emotions are real. Blitzo’s trauma response is improbably destructive but the roots are real. Stories aren’t real; the emotions are. It’s what makes them meaningful.

Okay y’know every other time Viv has done the tongue thing, it’s read as really comedic to me, but this one was just…hot? Even with Blitzo’s world crumbling around him (TAKE THAT ASSHAT), with this new spike of jealousy in his chest, it’s really good to see Stolas getting to experience being wanted by people who aren’t Blitzo and KNOWING it. He’s wanted. He’s hot. People enjoy him and his company. GIVE HIM FRIENDS NEXT, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Giving Verosika some kind of closure about them, though. I imagine it’s pretty nice for her to see Blitzo so messed up emotionally, even if it isn’t over her, and to get a genuine apology from him. Like her song says, she’s not over it, but she’s over him, and she’s made a community of people to support each other and have fun, and that’s amazing, actually. Charlie would be so proud.

And, like. Verosika so gently telling Blitzo that it starts with sorry saying good for Stolas, hope he gets some dick…Blitzo was kinda already there, with letting Stolas go to go dance with the guy. But it feels healthier? Less “he said he doesn’t want me here because seeing me makes him feel bad, I make him feel bad, I shouldn’t touch him or burden him with my feelings because I’m not worth it”, more “he deserves this, he deserves to be happy with someone who isn’t afraid to show him how much he’s worth, I hope he’s happy.” There’s hope for him yet, folks. Good job, Blitzo. Nurse that broken heart and lay on that horn all you want to, babe, you did a good job. Let’s keep that momentum going. (Like to be clear he’s still very much feeling bad for how badly he treated everyone at that party as he’s walking out, but. There’s something about it that feels better, I can’t describe it. Less toxic and blaming everyone else, more cleanly miserable because he owns it’s his fault and he’s gonna try to change once he stops crying.)

Now to do what I’d be doing anyway this summer and wait for October, only this time I also get to wait for a new episode too!

[fox-guardian]

hey hi hello your header says ask about stoker swap au and so i am, yes i've looked at all your other posts about it and already adore it, yes i want to hear more about it always and forever

okay since i can't think of anything more Specific to talk about im just talk about the stoker-specific headcanons many of which i Will bring up in the fic Constantly and some people Will probably be annoyed with that akjhsdakljhda it's My self indulgent au and I get to be annoying about my headcanons

tim's house is full of purple. he is a purple person. he has a lot of purple items.

he keeps yellow dishware and cutlery and things for when danny visits because danny loves the color yellow

and bees. i will not shut up about danny liking bees. i completely made that up but it's Important okay it becomes plot relevant

glasses tim. this is true.

danny is NOT stupid, despite. some things that happen in the fic. he's not a himbo, he's just poorly trained for his position as a researcher let him live

i think that it'd be really funny if danny met peter lukas during his sailing phase and i cannot WAIT to make that relevant in the fic

danny watches ghost hunt uk sometimes. this also becomes relevant

danny is a jack of all trades master of none. to me. i think he's pretty alright at a fair amount of things he's into, or he at least knows a fair amount about it. this means he's at least semi prepared for Many things.

[mcdannomoment]

finale feelings

Okay, I have a ton of feelings about the finale, and now that I’ve had some time to think them through, I’ll write them. Please be kind, I’ve seen the series once only, I’m really tired, and I’m sure this was all said before.

Okay firstly let’s just put aside Catherine as a character in and of herself… that whole thing made no sense. Catherine never showed an inkling of having the sort of skills to decode anything, much less being one of only two people in the world who could decode a thing. That was silly and just an excuse to get her back on Steve’s radar. Not to mention that Catherine just never showed much interest in Steve. I’ll come back to Catherine later as she stands as an external prop for Steve’s character, but I think we can just leave it here that Catherine’s character, for herself, made 0 sense.

Let’s focus on Steve.

Steve broke my heart this episode. The worst part is that I don’t think what he did was actually OOC. Steve has a pretty long and uncomfortable history of putting his own needs over Danny’s, starting from when he first met him and forced him to be his partner. I get where Steve was coming from, but this whole army commander take what I need for the mission attitude is the whole problem. Consulting Danny even as a courtesy never entered Steve’s mind.

(more below cut)

Steve just does this with Danny continually throughout the series, like leaving him with a letter to run off chasing Shelburne. Again, he doesn’t bother even consulting Danny as a courtesy before he leaves. He has an objective, Danny doesn’t fit that objective except to keep his seat warm in 5-0. He honestly just never gives Danny even basic autonomy, from things like choosing his lunch for him right through to putting him in situations he’s not comfortable with. Sometimes Steve pushing Danny is definitely a good thing since Danny does get paralyzed by fear (the incident where Steve pushed Danny into jumping across the building gap springs to mind; if they hadn’t have done that they would have died) but sometimes it’s just more of Steve has an objective to achieve, and Danny is a means to achieve that objective (the skydiving incident).

I don’t mean to slam Steve’s character, and I’ve known quite a lot of people like this! They’re good people, they just need a lot more emotional development. Between the two of them I think Danny’s a lot more emotionally mature and empathetic, and they’re quite good for each other in many ways. But Steve is very selfish, in the sense that his focus is always on himself. What he wants, what his objective is, how the things around him make him feel. With where Steve’s head is at, I don’t think he fully and completely understands Danny as an individual human being with his own needs. Hell, he even bullies Danny into including him in his retirement plan and abandoning said retirement plan.

With Steve’s focus always within his own head, and the people around him established as tools he can use to achieve his own ends, I can really start to understand Steve’s severe control issues in season 10 in particular. His mother dying was what sealed his fate, really. I think it was really the first time a person close to Steve fully used their own initiative and choice to go against what Steve said, and Steve trying to force his mother to do what he wanted and become a controllable force in his self-directed life ended up getting her killed. And that screwed him up badly. I don’t think he fully processed his role in his mother’s death properly. He ends up dumping Danny, who is really the love of his life, saying he needs time for himself, that he’d spent a decade saving everyone else. In reality I think Steve is just spiralling from loss of control. He tries to regain some control by cutting out the more unpredictable variables: the other people in his life.

Then Danny gets kidnapped and tortured. This is obviously devastating for Steve, because Danny really is the love of his life. And Steve kind of loses it, but he loses it in a very interesting way. Steve gives up all control to Daiyu Mei. He doesn’t even entertain not letting her control the situation. Danny’s been in danger before, but Steve has never given up control so completely like this before.

Steve’s really broken by this. And it’s the hardest he’s ever taken Danny getting hurt. Because I think he’s less broken by Danny getting hurt as much as it is leftover trauma from his mother’s death and spiralling loss of control.

He winds up leaving Danny when Danny can hardly move and must have only just been released from the hospital, and isn’t that a dick move. He claims he’s going to “find himself” but I think he’s just running away from people in order to regain a sense of control. He can’t control other people. He couldn’t control Danny being taken or his mother making the choices she did in Mexico. If he’s alone, he can gain full control over the situation.

And Danny? Well, Steve sort of has him trapped. Danny can’t leave - he has a son, it’s implied Steve gave him his dog to look after and possibly his house, and while he’s injured Danny can’t go and get himself into dangerous situations that Steve feels the need to save him from. Danny sort of becomes an ornament in Steve’s home ready to welcome him when he comes back. Steve’s been on record several times being pretty aggressive about Danny staying in Hawaii, but he’s never shown remorse for leaving himself, and he doesn’t here.

I hate to characterise Danny as Steve’s “wife” but that’s the dynamic I get from them. You see it so often in married couples, particularly married couples where the husband has to travel for work, whether that’s military, mining, corporate, trucking, what have you. The husband has his goal, his life, and he sees his wife as someone to support that and make it happen. This is exactly what happened in my own family, as I had a travelling father. His need to fulfil himself drove him away again and again, and my mother, trapped where she was by children and the obligations her husband abandoned her to deal with, was left to clean up his mess. It’s what happens when the husband is selfish in the way Steve is - the emotionally more mature wife has to clean up the parts of his life he won’t deal with. In Steve’s case Danny is left with a bullet hole, a dog, a house full of ghosts, and a lot of mourning friends. Not to mention the kids Steve abandons. And there must be more too. Steve leaves a week after Danny is shot. That really doesn’t leave much time for Steve to get his affairs in order. I think he left Danny to clean up his emotional mess.

Minus the bullet hole, I’ve seen my mother go through very similar things. And it can destroy your sense of self. You end up living for the ghost of your husband as he pursues what he perceives as his destiny. It’s a really shitty thing but it’s so common. Every family I know with a travelling husband ended up like this.

Back to Catherine. As established Catherine as her own character makes no sense at all. But Catherine’s role in the finale as an extension of Steve’s character does make some sense. Steve is running away from his stable family, the love of his life, his role as a parent to Nahele, Grace, and Charlie - he’s running from all the progress he has made, because he is afraid of losing control the way he did when he lost his mother, and when Danny was taken from him. Catherine is safe. She’s Steve’s easy emotional release and fuck buddy. She’s familiar. And she’s basically Steve’s mother. A flaky CIA agent who always picks the job over Steve is far more familiar and therefore comforting to him than a stable family life with Danny. In his panic Steve runs from all the progress he has made back to Catherine.

It actually reminds me a lot of a wonderful fic I read, the love that you gave by Teeelsie. I never thought I’d read a cheating fic, let alone a McDanno cheating fic, because McDanno is my all time OTP, but this fic was highly recommended and wow, did it nail it. The fic is more about Steve’s internalised homophobia, but I think the way it relates to the show is in how Steve panics and goes back to the familiar. Back to Catherine. It’s a common thing just in life. It’s also extremely common for these travelling husbands that I think characterise Steve to be cheating on their wives, too. Now I’m just pretending Catherine wasn’t there, because it makes no sense for her to be there (jfc, she wasn’t a codebreaker and how did she know he would be on the plane anyway, and was she just sitting in transit in Honolulu waiting for Steve to get on the plane like a stalker) but I think there’s an element of “emotional cheating” to what Steve’s going through when he runs away from the emotional risk that is staying with Danny at the end.

So basically I don’t think Steve running off was OOC. I think it was very in character. What was so frustrating was that the story clearly isn’t over. Running away will not solve Steve’s many issues, and he really does need Danny - and Danny needs him. Steve desperately needs to learn to stop being so selfish and see Danny and the others as full and complete human beings with their own complex needs. It’s tough because Steve pushing Danny was very good for Danny in many respects, so I want to see them learn to thread that line where Danny doesn’t get treated like an emotional doormat, but he also isn’t allowed to just retreat to the safety of familiarity all the time either - he needs a little McGarrett magic in his life!

But after what Danny told Steve when they were stuck in the building collapse, it’s going to be hard for them after this. Danny doesn’t have to look at Steve and imagine him leaving him any longer. Danny now has the memory of it.

tl;dr Steve is a whacked out, certifiable control freak.

[hollandtomholland]

Side Effects

- A Tom Holland Oneshot

(A/N): Thank you for all your love on my first piece! You guys are too kind, so here’s a second not-so-little something that I’ve been playing about with. I won’t be able to write so regularly as I’m back in class and work this week, but I hope you enjoy this one for now. Much love as always xo 

Words: 5k

Summary: When your co-star quits the show three weeks before opening night, a new actor is brought in to play the romantic lead opposite you. Tom may be incredibly talented, but how can you possibly be expected to build the intense chemistry you need at such short notice?

“Come on people, everyone on their feet and looking lively!”

You looked up from your position on the floor as Vincent entered the room. The man may have been a born director, but sometimes you wished he would ease up a little. Then again, maybe overbearing was just the standard. This was only your first professional theatre role, so what did you really know about anything?  You’d been incredibly lucky to be offered this opportunity, as the female lead no less. For a first gig, this was pretty sweet. You’d been blessed with three very supportive castmates, and under Vincent’s skilled direction everything was running smoothly. Getting to work in such a prestigious theatre had been a dream too, you thought, as Vincent motioned for you all to join him on the stage.

 “Where’s Danny?” Alyssa, the supporting actress, whispered as she caught up to you. Danny was the male lead, and it was definitely not like him to be absent. Today, you were supposed to be rehearsing some of your most climactic scenes. The play followed your characters as they took part in a medical trial, experiencing a deep attraction and later love that may or may not be a side effect of the drug they were taking. It was a highly emotional, thought provoking piece that required a close bond between the two of you, and you’d worked very hard to create that. Hopefully, he was just running a little bit late and you’d be able to rehearse as usual.

“I hope everyone’s ready to get started” Vincent began, as the cast and technical team gathered in front of him. “Just a quick announcement before we do: I’m afraid Danny is no longer with us, so we’re going to be…”

“Danny’s dead?” Simon, the supporting actor, spluttered. Vincent waved his hand dismissively.

“Dead to us, maybe. He called me last to night to say that he’d been offered a part in a new television pilot, so would be quitting our cast effective immediately”.

A surprised murmur spread throughout the room. It wasn’t unusual for an actor to be juggling multiple projects, but to suddenly quit this close to opening night? It was a betrayal none of you had seen coming. How could Danny have done this to you? Vincent clapped his hands together to silence everyone. “Would you all just calm down and listen? Yes, it’s inconvenient, but I won’t let it ruin everything we’ve worked for”

Inconvenient? That was the understatement of the century. The chemistry between the two leads was essential to the play’s success, and with Danny now gone, how could you possibly be expected to get to that stage with anyone else in just three weeks’ time?

“Luckily for us, I’ve managed to secure a replacement. He’s incredibly talented, already knows the play, and should be here any minute now. So, there’s no need to panic” Vincent announced, oddly calm for someone whose production was now in jeopardy. “Vincent? Could I have a quick word?” you cut in, trying not to sound as irate as you felt.

“If you have something to say, you can say it in front of everyone” he replied, staring you down.

“I’m a little worried about this, if I’m honest” you started, choosing your words carefully. “Everything we’ve done so far has been informed by Danny’s interpretation of the character, another actor will do it differently and our performances will have to change”.

Vincent rolled his eyes. “You’re new to this, so you don’t understand. Worse things have happened in the theatre and the show always goes on. It will take some extra work, and if you can’t do it then I can find someone to replace you just as easily as I replaced Danny”.

You could feel your temper flaring. Why did he have to be so dismissive of you? “I can do it” you retorted, and he shrugged. “Let’s hope so”.

At that moment, you were interrupted by the sounds of the foyer door opening. You turned to see a man about your age entering the auditorium, his hair tousled and his cheeks flushed from the cold winter winds. Vincent’s demeanour switched from unpleasant to personable in an instant, and he dashed off the stage and down the aisle to greet him. “We were just talking about you! We’re so grateful you could come at such short notice” he enthused, shaking the new arrival’s hand vigorously before turning back to everyone. “This is the wonderful actor who’s stepped in to save our show”.

The man smiled graciously at Vincent, before addressing the room. “Hello everyone, I’m Tom. It’s lovely to meet you all, and I’m very much looking forward to getting started”. His eyes caught yours for just a second as he surveyed the room, and you felt a flash of something you weren’t familiar with. He seemed genuine enough, with just a touch of nervousness that was to be expected when entering an already established group dynamic. Alyssa nudged you surreptitiously. “Ohh, I’ve seen him before, he’s very good. Much more attractive than Danny too” she whispered. You had to agree with her; Tom was certainly easy on the eye. He had one of those classically good-looking faces, with finely sculpted cheekbones and a cut-glass jawline. Where Danny had been broad and rugged, your new co-star was slim and yet athletically built. “Lucky you!” Alyssa added, and you grimaced. “I just hope this works out”.

Vincent raised a hand to get everyone’s attention. “Now we’re all here, we can get started. Alyssa, Simon, I want you to run through scene six on the stage and I’ll be with you in a moment. (Y/N), come here please”. He motioned for you to hurry up, before turning back to talk to Tom. By the time you reached them, Vincent was laughing at something he’d said. Tom was smiling politely back, but you could tell he wasn’t entirely on board with the slightly disconcerting nice guy act. His attention moved onto you as you approached, and he stepped away from Vincent to greet you. “You must be (Y/N)” he said warmly, holding out a hand to you. You shook it firmly, noting his strong grip. 

“I was just telling Tom about that silly little panic you had back there” Vincent cut in, throwing an arm around Tom’s shoulders. He really was laying it on too thick now, which would almost be funny if he wasn’t belittling you to a near stranger. To his credit, Tom’s brow furrowed a little as he easily shrugged the arm away and addressed you again. “I know it’s not easy having someone quit on you at such a crucial time, and it makes complete sense that you’re worrying right now. I know the play very well and I understand what we’re up against here, but I promise you I’m committed. I’m going to work as hard as I can to get up to speed and do justice to the work you’ve all done so far” he told you, his tone both serious and reassuring. 

As much as this ingratiated him with you, it did the opposite where Vincent was concerned. He stood with his arms folded, lips pursed in dissatisfaction. He had always been big on respect, and you could tell that he felt very disrespected right now. “That’s enough chit-chat” he snapped, giving the both of you a disdainful glare. “Head to the rehearsal room and read through all your scenes together, we’re working with no breaks today”.

With that, he stormed off down the aisle towards the stage. By now you were accustomed to Vincent’s childish outbursts,  but Tom was completely taken aback. “Should I... should I go apologise?” he asked, his eyes darting nervously between you and Vincent. “He’s like that with everybody” you replied, as Vincent began barking orders at a very startled Alyssa. “It’s nothing personal, but we should probably get started before he bites our heads off again”.

“Yeah... good plan” Tom agreed, running a hand through his hair. He followed as you led him to the rehearsal room, a small studio-style space lined with full length mirrors and folding chairs. You pulled up two chairs and gestured for Tom to sit. He still looked uneasy, and you couldn’t help but feel bad for him. It wasn’t an encouraging start to his first day, especially when he’d come in with such enthusiasm for the production. “Hey, don’t worry about it too much. He was already annoyed at me so it wasn’t anything you did” you reassured him, taking a seat in the other chair. “And besides, everyone else here is a dream to work with. That’s what gets me through the day anyway”.

This seemed to put Tom’s mind at rest. “That’s good to hear. I just can’t believe I got on the director’s bad side when I hadn’t even been here five minutes!”

“Please, I pissed him off by offering to get him a coffee once” you admitted, earning a gentle chuckle from Tom. “I’ll make a note never to do that, then” he grinned, and you were pleased to see his former eagerness returning. “Let’s get down to business. You said you know the play well?”

“Yeah, I performed it a few years back. Not in this role though, but the director made us learn all the lines off by heart and I still remember it” 

“Wow, I barely know my own part let alone everyone else’s!” you exclaimed, and Tom shrugged modestly. 

“I’m sure you’re very good” he said, his eyes meeting yours as they had done earlier. You were hit by the same unfamiliar sensation, and you pushed it to the back of your mind as you sat up a little straighter. “Shall we start from scene two?”

As the two of you began to run through your scenes, you realised that Alyssa had been right; Tom was very good. Though his interpretation of the character was different to Danny’s, it didn’t take long for you to appreciate his sheer talent. He hit the highs and the lows with perfectly measured emotion, and you managed to make minor adaptations to your own reading with relative ease. It wasn’t flawless, but it was a very promising start.  

As the days went by, you were constantly in awe of his ability to bring a character to life before your very eyes. It was undeniable: this guy was the real deal. Before long, he was fully ingratiated with the cast. Contrary to your misgivings, it was almost like he’d been there all along. He had a natural charm that seemed to infect everyone around him, and a refreshing modesty that was rarely possessed by those with his level of talent. The few breaks you got were full of in-jokes and laughter, which were a great antidote to Vincent’s increasingly volatile temperament.

“No no NO! You’re just not getting it right!”

It was three days till opening night, and you were rehearsing one of the play’s most intense love scenes. This would be the fourth time you’d run through it this evening, and every time Vincent had something disparaging to say about it. Everyone was getting frustrated, and at this point you were too worked up to give your best performance. You could tell that Tom felt the same, pacing back and forth across the stage to burn off some of his restlessness. 

What annoyed you the most was that Vincent seemed to be the only one unhappy with your performances. In the last few days, you and Tom had really begun to find that spark you’d been missing. You’d got to know him so well during the long hours you spent together, and the two of you had made a habit of grabbing dinner together to get to know each other better. He’d even go out of his way to walk you back to your apartment every night, just to make the most of every shred of time you had at your disposal. By now, you felt like you knew him better than most of your friends. You felt such a rush when you were performing opposite him, more than you’d ever done with Danny. 

It was a rush you felt offstage too. At first you’d tried to ignore it, but eventually you’d been forced to admit it to yourself; Tom made you feel something very real and very scary. All the time you’d been spending together had built up to you noticing so many amazing things about him, and before long, he had you completely. Falling for your co-star wasn’t unheard of, especially with productions as intense as yours, but you’d never thought it would happen to you. 

Of course, you thought, Tom was too professional to make the same mistake. He’d acted opposite so many women over the years, and by now would be immune to the emotions that the process stirred up. He may be an incredibly convincing lover on stage, but offstage you were definitely just friends. It stung a little... okay, more than a little. Everyday you got to hear him telling you he loved you, you got to have him look at you with desire, you got to kiss him, but none of it was real. All of that had been thrilling at first, but now it left you cold and disappointed. 

Perhaps that was what Vincent was seeing. In an attempt to stifle your feelings, recently you’d been holding back a little with the physical elements of your performance. When Tom kissed you, you’d force your mind out of the moment and think of something banal. You’d kissed guys onstage before, this didn’t need to be any different. When he held you, you’d replace his face with that of somebody else and forget that it was his arms around you. It may have been inhibiting your performance, but it was better than letting your feelings run away with themselves. 

“This is appalling. It’s like you’re getting worse, not better!” Vincent seethed, his hand clenched into tight fists. 

“What do you need us to do?” Tom asked patiently, expertly hiding his frustration. 

“Find new actors!” was the petulant reply he received, causing him to grit his teeth and turn away. He glanced at you nervously, and you felt a cold streak of guilt run through you. This wasn’t his fault, it was all you. He didn’t deserve such derision. 

“That’s it, everyone out. We’re done for the night” Vincent announced, standing up and throwing his coat on. “But not you two. You’re not leaving here until you get it perfect, even if it takes you all night. I’m not sitting around to watch this train wreck any longer” 

He stormed off down the aisle, followed by Simon and Alyssa. The latter shot you an apologetic half-smile over her shoulder, mouthing “I’ll text you” as she left. You were left standing at the edge of the stage, barely able to look at Tom as the two of you found yourselves alone. 

For a moment, there was silence. Tom approached the edge of the stage, moving to sit on the top step. “I don’t get it” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “We had it so perfect, and now...”

He looked back at you as he trailed off, patting the space next to him. Hesitantly you sat. “He’ll never be completely happy with anything we do” you said, wrapping your arms tightly around yourself.

“I know that, but at the moment I kind of get where he’s coming from”

“How do you mean?” you asked, and he let out a deep sigh.

“We’d built up the passion so well over the last couple of weeks, and now it’s like... something’s missing”.

So he’d noticed it too. You’d really hoped he hadn’t, but that was clearly naive of you. Of course he’d sensed that something was off. He was a deeply intuitive actor, and it wouldn’t have been hard for him to notice the tiny differences in your performance lately. You remained silent, not knowing how to address his very accurate statement. 

“Is it something I’m doing?”  Tom asked suddenly, his gaze burning into the side of your face.

“What? No! You’re great. You’re more than great” you rushed to reassure him, appalled that he’d even consider this to be his fault. 

“It was never going to be perfect, coming in this late, and I know I’m no Danny but...”

“Screw Danny” you interrupted, letting out a bitter laugh as you turned to face him. “He doesn’t have half the talent you do. You’re a hundred times better than him and everyone else I’ve ever acted opposite”.

Tom seemed genuinely surprised to hear this. “Thank you” he said softly, and it was clear how much this meant to him. A gentle smile lifted the corners of his mouth, as his eyes met yours. “Really, thank you”

You smiled back at him, enjoying the sensation that his gaze spread throughout your body. Truly, he was breathtakingly attractive, in both looks and personality. He made you feel warm and carefree, so comfortable in his company that it was like you’d known him for years. It was so easy to get wrapped up in moments such as this, when he looked at you looked that, when his face was just inches from yours...

Snapping out of it, you chastised yourself for losing focus. You jumped to your feet, startling Tom as you took a few strides across the stage. “We should get back to the scene, I really don’t want to be stuck here all night” you announced, and Tom slowly got to his feet too. “Is everything okay? he asked, and you nodded vigorously. “Yep, I’m great. Where did we get to?” 

Tom thought for a second, before taking a few steps towards you in character. “If you're in love, there's nothing you can do about it”

God you hated that line. In this scene, your characters were coming to terms with their feelings for each other. Tom’s character was embracing the attraction, but yours was supposed to be questioning whether it was purely a side effect of the medication. You steeled yourself, thrusting your shoulders back and moving into position. “But if it's something else, something else controlling me - ” 

"Then you're not in control”.  Tom took another step towards you, his eyes dark and intense.

"There's nothing I can do about it” 

"Yes”. Another step. You swallowed sharply, before closing the gap between the two of you. 

“I'm in love” 

The tension reached it’s peak, exactly as the script required. Tom reached out to grasp your face with both hands, a gesture you’d rehearsed time and time again, before pulling you into him and pressing his lips to yours. Your arms came up to wrap around his back, and you forced your mind to out of the moment. Tom was kissing you, but he wasn’t kissing you. He was in character, kissing your character, and none of the passion you felt from him in that moment was real.

He pulled away suddenly, stepping out of the scene. “It’s that! Do you see what I mean? It’s just not quite right”. He seemed deeply frustrated, brow furrowed as he paced across the stage. “I can’t work out what we’re doing wrong”. Turning on his heel, he marched back to you again. “Maybe if I...”

He placed his hands on your waist and pulled you into him suddenly, eyes narrowed in concentration. “And maybe if you put your hands in my hair”.

Mutely you obeyed, lacing your fingers into his dark curls. Being this close to Tom was nothing new, but it still had your heart beating faster than you’d have liked. “Good, good, that feels like it could work. So if I just...”

And his lips were on yours again, kissing you passionately. For a brief moment you were thrown by this new position, but before you could kiss him back, he pulled away. “Still no!” he exclaimed, now visibly flustered. He kissed you again, once, twice, three times, each one more insistent that the last. This was slowly becoming more than you could handle, but it was easier to just stand there and let him try than admit the real root of your problems. Tom stepped back a little, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders. “They’re in love, yes? And they’ve got all this pent up frustration, all this sexual tension that’s been building up to this one moment” he said, his breath coming in exasperated pants. “Perhaps that’s what we’re missing, the savouring of those last few seconds...”

He pulled you into him once more, his face inches from yours. You barely knew where to look as his eyes roamed your face, fingers pressing into your hips. You braced yourself for the kiss that would surely follow, but instead he tilted his head and let his lips brush along your jawline. One feather-light kiss, then another, his breathing shallow as he moved down your neck to a spot below your ear that you knew would be your undoing. That was it: you couldn’t do this anymore. 

Hastily you untangled yourself from his arms. “I just don’t think we’re going to get it tonight, we’re putting too much pressure on ourselves and it’s only making us feel worse” you gabbled, unable to look at him as you dashed for the stairs. “I’ll deal with Vincent tomorrow but for now we should just call it a night”. 

You left him standing alone on the stage as you reached the front row, grabbing your bag off the seat and slinging it over your shoulder. Much to your exasperation, Tom hurried after you. “Hey, wait” he called, as you sped off down the aisle. It wasn’t difficult for him to match your speed, and he grabbed your arm as he caught up. You came to a sudden stop, disinclined to be rude but really wishing he would just let you go. 

“Seriously, is everything okay? he asked, keeping a firm grip on your wrist. 

“Honestly I’m fine, a little tired maybe” you insisted, flashing him what you hoped was a convincing smile. He stared back at you, concern visible on his face, but he released his grip on your arm nonetheless. “At least let me walk you home” he implored, but you shook your head. “Thanks but it’s okay, I’ve got a couple of errands to run first”. With that, you turned away and headed down the aisle. You didn’t look back until you reached the door; Tom was still stood where you’d left him, staring hopelessly after you. Repressing your guilt, you nodded a goodbye and exited the theatre. 

This would be the first time in a week that you’d walked home alone, but you tried not to think about that as you made your way briskly through the city. You were also trying not to think about the look on Tom’s face as you left. It was etched into your mind, tugging at your emotions no matter how hard you tried to forget it. As soon as you got back to your tiny apartment, you threw your bag on the couch and busied yourself with cooking dinner. It was best to try and keep up some semblance of normalcy, in a bid to calm yourself down. 

How had you let it get to this point? It was so stupid, so cliched, and it was ruining everything. Tom deserved a better actress than you, someone who knew how to separate reality from fiction and give a good performance regardless of their feelings. So much was riding on this job for you, and you were self-sabotaging purely because of your own dumb emotions. Tom would never fall for you anyway. You were just some second-rate pretender and he was at the top of his game. Anyone could see it, and no audience would be fooled by your clearly false chemistry. Maybe you should just quit. That would solve all your problems, well, maybe not your financial ones, but the diner round the corner was always looking for extra waitresses. 

Just as you were waiting for a pot of water to boil, there was a loud knock at the door. You glanced at the clock. It was 11:30 at night; who could possibly be needing you at this hour? You turned off the stove and headed to the door, lamenting your lack of of a spyhole. Opening it, you revealed a familiar figure standing in the hallway. Your breath hitched in your throat. “Look Tom, I’m sorry if I...”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence.

Without a word he reached for your waist and pulled you into his chest, and suddenly he was kissing you with a heated urgency that left every single kiss you’d ever experienced behind. His lips were soft and yet demanding, stealing your breath and giving it to you all at the same time. There was nothing you could do but kiss him back, matching his intensity as you threw your arms around his neck to pull him even closer. You felt yourself being pushed against the wall, his body pressed so close to yours that you could feel the heat radiating between you.  

This was no stage kiss; this was very, very real. 

With a low groan he withdrew his lips from yours, barely moving a centimetre away. “Please,” he whispered against your lips, “Please let me be right”. His eyes locked onto yours, dilated pupils making them seem even darker somehow. “”Please tell me you feel this too”.

“I do,” you whispered back, “I do”.

Your mind was reeling as you stared back at him, heart beating so fast you wondered if he could feel it. This was what you’d been feeling on stage, until you’d started to back away. You’d been completely wrong; that spark you’d felt, the intense chemistry the two of you had developed... it was all real. You could see it in his eyes, so clear that you’d wondered how you’d ever missed it. When Tom had been kissing you, he really was kissing you. You realised that now, overcome with ecstatic relief. 

Tom let out a shaky breath, before moving in to kiss you with a renewed passion. His lips moved hungrily on yours, kissing you again and again like he simply couldn’t get enough. It was you who withdrew this time, but not because you wanted to; “We should probably close the door,” you mumbled, “We’re putting on a bit of a show”. 

A gentle chuckle bubbled up from his throat, and he reluctantly released you from his arms and stepped away to close the door. You tipped your head backwards, letting it rest against the wall as you got your breath back. Tom did the same, tilting his chin so he could look at you. “I ran here pretty fast” he confessed, running a hand through his hair. “I should’ve taken a taxi really, but it felt more cinematic that way”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of Tom speeding through the streets, like something out of a cheesy romance movie. “Never had you down as the hopeless romantic type”.

He raised an eyebrow. “Me? Oh yeah, I definitely am. Only way to be in my opinion”. 

There was a pause, as the two of you let your breathing return to normal. Tom spoke first:

“I knew it was risky coming over here and kissing you like that, but I had to know. I realised what was wrong with our scene as soon as you left. Our chemistry was always good but I’ve kissed enough people on stage to know real passion when I feel it” He turned back to you, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. “I felt it so strongly, and I thought you were feeling it too until the last few days”.

“I was... I am”, you admitted, and his brow furrowed.

“So what happened?”

You sighed, stepping away from the wall and moving over to the sofa. You gestured for Tom to join you as you sat, pulling your knees up to your chest. He flopped down beside you, an expectant look on his face.

“I started holding back. I didn’t think you felt the way I did, and I didn’t want to get carried away” you explained, and he reached out to  drape his arm across your shoulders. He puled you into him, letting your head rest in the crook of your neck “Of course I felt the same way. I just didn’t want to tell you unless it made things awkward onstage. I guess that happened anyway”. 

“I guess it did” 

“Promise me you won’t hold back anymore, though” he urged you, his breath warm against your skin. 

“I won’t. I don’t need to anymore” you assured him, and he smiled down at you. “Vincent’s gonna be so pleased with us tomorrow, when we’re miraculously back on form”

“He’ll put it down to his masterful direction and then find something else to yell at us about” you predicted cynically, feeling Tom’s chest rise and fall beneath you as he laughed at the comment. “That’s true. I don’t mind though. I’m just happy I get to kiss you five nights a week”

“For the next three months” you added, and he hummed his satisfaction. 

“It’s the ideal job, really”. 

------

As you took your final bows on opening night, the applause from the audience was almost deafening. You stood proudly beside Tom, his fingers laced into yours as you looked out at the standing ovation. The second the velvet curtains closed in front of you he pulled you into him, pressing a kiss to your temple. “You were amazing” he murmured into your ear, spreading a warm sensation throughout your body. “So were you” you whispered back, as he smiled adoringly down at you.

“Let’s get out of here. I’ve got a few things in mind that we don’t need an audience for”

[maneaterwithtail]

The politics are the cough. the disease is flooding to chase the trend of personal brand building. Events and confusing communities and arguably the arrangement of the direct market itself. No simplicity and lots of expense with shakeup one after the other.

And some transparently business or out of story disrupting existing (in humans versus mutants)

Starting Marvel, as an example, is harder than figuring out where to come in on the Fate series. I mention this because Comics are often compared to manga and yet however convoluted in silly may get for the most part you buy one collection, or let's not kid ourselves pirate, or wait until an animated adaptation comes out realize that it's pretty much faithful, go back to the core comic and so long as you start from the beginning you can follow to the end. Even if it's based off of a visual novel chances are everything will progress from beginning to end. It's usually when that models messed up with that something becomes destructive and difficult to follow or deal.

Unlike with manga where if you're having trouble following where to start with, like the Fate series, you can at least enjoy the latest Nasu verse offering. especially if you can turn your brain off and just engage with one example. Or if you don't want to deal with that you can just go to an entirely different property from a similar publisher that scratches a similar itch.

Like the premise of America Chavez buts I think she did it wrong? Well it's not like you can just switch over to Champions because that's a mess as well along with Miles Morales Spider-Man and ms. Marvel or spider woman.

it's expensive, patchy, filled with all sorts of weird continuity that you end up having to buy just to start. As such only the dedicated fanbase could possibly tolerate it but that also is exclusive in the sense that it's so to them with a history that it feels kind of off-putting.

I like the comicsgate comics I have heard of. I can also understand why we try to move away from that. Such as very obvious p*** tracing. And so on. Yes supposed diversity has basically led to a similar story of we're here now we're going to f*** the status quo too strongly relating to the audience or the author's pandering.

But it's not just they're going to have a trans person in an announcement. Which is a pretty major character trait I imagine that they want to talk about that or include it in the announcement.

the discontinuity does not help you build upsetting characters characterization and Circumstance. This is what I mean you're following themes story and events building to something then a new author will come in and he or she will wreck all that up so that they can go in an entirely different direction. Okay maybe you don't like the homosexual overtones of Eddie Brock and Venom. Maybe you want to stick it to all the slash shippers on Tumblr. But they've been the people who been following the comic and there's been a multi-year build up with sleeper, Eddie Brock and Venom's son.

going no now Eddy has a son he doesn't know about. oh and he was in the car that killed a child and him and Venom hate each other? Basically says f*** that other story we're going back to this story because I liked it better when I was young and I like it this way. And this kind of hostility is constant with every Changing of the Guard which can happen almost every two to three years. This keeps happening right when things are starting to get good or conclusion is reached. this undermines any death any major event or twist especially when it's in the headlines as if it's going to be meaningful

we can't even engaged in the illusion that someone has a plan charting something out when it feels like it's always fly by the seat of the pants the slightest whim can blow off the direction. We know in our conscious nothing that happens matters or at the very least when things end and we don't move on to something else then realize that there was a change but it seems seamless. Or at the very least it's a damn good seem that makes a very likeable and unique and distinct quilt. Again comparing and contrasting with manga

basically constantly ragging on the Politics as if that's what's causing the problem as opposed to Poor practices is off. yeah the customer service is definitely a no-go. But let's not kid ourselves Fanboys started it

I can straight up say that if you had a book that was straight up gay. like it starred the gay couple that once was Rescued by Captain America including his childhood hero And they were joined by the gender-bending exiled courtesan. you know those girls that always hang around in the background of Thor comics and everybody talks about winching and all that stuff? What if we actually focus on one of them and we threw in some mythological deviant queerness with the idea that men who practiced a certain form of Witchcraft had to be ladies. Now in practice this often meant anything from cross-dressing to performing ceremonies with a freaking dildo. But this is Comics so instead I can just go with the idea that after he uses magic so much he can turn or does turn into a lady. At first it's inadvertent but then he Masters the power so much that can transform into any lady. So he can go from weak little nerdy witch man to a Vanir (super durable pretty strong) or she giant.

It gets even more so when apparently he can change not just to a generic woman but any specific one. so he can literally clone an individual lady alive or dead. If she's dead you can act as a vessel for her soul so effectively while he might be booted deep within he can resurrect anyone's female loved one. Until changes back. The Twist is that while he won a beauty contest to be one of Odin's many many side pieces due to the politics and sociology of the time and the setup Odin didn't like admitting that they were both men or equals. Now the crossdressing courtesan isnt necessarily the nicest person. In fact the number one thing that characterizes him is that he hates the alpha male warrior culture or at least what he perceives of the negatives of it of Asgard. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he provides a good alternative. This will be a total retcon. not only would this make Odin effectively bisexual -although it's long since established that it seems like he's banged about so much he has had a child with everyone but his wife- but the idea that Loki and Thor grew up exposed to this weird gender-bending courtesan who tried to compete with the affections of their Queen Mother just so that that way he could get ahead and hated showing the absolute loyalty and Devotion to Asgard seeking glory in battle and death as opposed to conniving Gatling favor and trolling for booty while having to serve drinks for the Warriors that came by and were celebrated in the castle Hall.

Probably make up all sorts of relationships with other lesser-known Danny's that haven't been as much part of Marvel Thor but are important or at least well-known for the tradition. I would also shamelessly ripoff @gumon and her take on Norse mythology. With giants that just naturally produce children whether male or female. anyway ignoring all the continuity just so I could bring in the mythology that I want I would have it so that he was ultimately exiled because he got set up on a failure assignment. He got assigned to the Blue Mountain the traveling planet or set of rocks now that was the home of one of the Warriors Three the blue guy well the guy who wears blue and looks kind of like Angus Khan

The entire point of this is to get a different eye view of the Marvel Universe. What was it like to be one of those disposable pin-up girls. What is the gay population in gay culture and gay people been doing and light of the world that's been invaded from the ground been in a Perpetual fight with remnants of terrorists from World War II. And of course how they've been in for you property and making their lives and how are they responding to the fact that New York finally recognizes their marriage and of course life in the Twilight years as a gay couple that's constantly facing mortality. Also with the usual hey I'm an immortal mystical being who's having to relearn how to be human after having lived a life with a God's but neither being loyal to them nor a particular loyal to my own people. Along with the issues of the shapeshifter gender Dynamics and identity and all other sort of things. Pretty damn gay book. But I read it

Kids like imitating what they see so ripping the idea that someone's going to take some of the more iconic X-Men looks and style themselves after them when they know that their mutant doesn't seem wrong. I like the idea that we're going to open with someone who manages an online community for mutants. I like the idea of Trailblazer I like the ladies thick and I like the fact that she has a more utility power that she's going to have to work with and around hopefully being clever though that backpack does run the risk of becoming the Omnitrix and having the solution for every problem that you need.

Basically I like the children of the atom a bit more than the whole lineup of the new Warriors. I think people really should give the characters a chance so if you're turned off by yet another set of incest siblings in Marvel ya no problem or argument here.