#i need to dye my hair tomorrow and wash it and i just dont want to put in the effort

[adderallanomaly]

inside and now im miserable in a different way again

[jan-uinely]

i m going to dye my hair purple when it gets oily next

[beomgyushighlights]

Circus {H.K}

Day 1 (XII)

"all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus"

in which the first words Nari's soulmate says to her are "free britney"

or

in which two idols find their soulmates in each other after thirteen days of little comments without knowing who the other was

-a short story soulmate au-

©beomgyushighlights 2021

do not translate or repost without permission

(can also be found on wattpad and ao3 under the same username)

master list

As the choreographer allows a break, the members of the band sit and cool down while the arguably most chaotic member sings Circus by Britney Spears quite loudly. The sound of footsteps running in the hall catches the attention of the band as someone yells, "FREE BRITNEY!" before they continue running down the hall.

   Confused, Chang Nari looks around the room, her band mates equally confused before she realizes that those are the first words her soulmate says to her. She rushes to look outside the door into the hallway, unfortunately too late to see the culprit. Sighing, she walks back to her band mates and takes a sip of her water.

   "What was that?" Eun asks. "My soulmate." She shrugs. Osamu spits his water out in shock. "What!?" All four members ask at the same time. "Free Britney." She says showing them her wrist. "H.K, 18, XII." Hyejin reads.

   "Okay, your soulmate is eighteen, good you won't catch a case. Twelve months? Days? Minutes?" Yejun says. "Unless you keep track it's hard to tell. Mine said twelve and then the next minute it said eleven so that's how I kept track and found my soulmate twelve minutes after our concert." Osamu says.

   "Duri is so amazing." Hyejin gushes over Osamu's soulmate. "Well it's been a minute and it hasn't changed so it's not minutes." Nari says. "Okay, back to practice." The choreographer says. Practice goes well and soon the band is going back to their dorm.

   The bands dorm is five bedrooms so each member has their own and that proves convenient for when someone wants a guest over. Opening the door, Hyejin hears a loud meow and a hello. "Duri!" Eun yells, running to the kitchen where Duri is cooking for the band. "Nabi!" Nari yells, picking up the small kitten that ran to her.

   Petting the four month old cat, Nari walks to the kitchen were everyone has gathered. "Hi, Duri!" She smiles at the older female. "Hi, Nari. Nabi was very talkative today." She smiles back. "She seems to get more and more talkative every day." Yejun says.

   "She also gets more energetic each day." Hyejin says. "She's only a kitten, of course she's energetic." Nari defends. A knock on the door pulls their attention and Nari goes to open it as she's the closest. She looks out the peephole before she opens it. "Hello?" She says. "Hello, are you one of the members of H.O.N.E.Y?" He asks her.

   "Yes, how can I help?" She asks. "I'm Kang Taehyun of Tomorrow x Together, we wanted to know if you guys have any time that we can meet and ask for advice? BTS recommended asking you guys for more advice if we need it." He says. "One moment." She smiles turning to face the kitchen.

   "CAN SOMEONE BRING ME THE PLANNER AND A PEN AND ALSO GRAB NABI FROM ME!?" She yells. "YEAH." Eun yells back. Eun brings the planner and a pen and grabs Nabi from Nari's arms. "Okay, so, we are really busy training this week but we are available two Tuesdays from now, that's in twelve days." She says. Taehyun pulls out his phone and checks his calendar.

   "We're free then, where do you want to meet?" He asks. "Just bring your band here, as long as no ones allergic to cats." She says. "None of us are, So two Tuesdays from now, here, what time?" He asks. "Two in the afternoon?" She asks. "That works, thank you." He says with a bow. "It's no problem." She smiles.

   She closes the door an shoes back to the kitchen. "WE MADE IT!" She yells. "What!?" Yejun asks. "BTS recommended a newer band to us for advice." She smiles. "Ooh, what band?" Hyejin asks. "Tomorrow x Together." She answers, grabbing the pencil from next to the calendar. She finds the Tuesday that's planned and writes 'txt at 2pm'.

   "Oh, oh, uhh, they have that song with morse code at the beginning that they debuted with, right?" Yejun asks Osamu. "Yeah, Crown." Osamu confirms. "They also have anti-romantic, which has a tiktok dance." Eun says. "I like Nap of a star." Hyejin says. "Two Tuesdays from now at 2pm?" Eun asks. "Yes, it's on the planner and the calendar, just like always." Nari confirms.

   "Taehyun came to the door and introduced himself. He said that BTS recommended us if they needed more advice." She gushes. "You look up to them so much it's hilarious." Eun laughs. "They have over 47 million followers on instagram and they have like over 35 million monthly listeners on spotify. They have fans in probably every country, they have worked with Halsey and others, they have broken so many barriers in the Kpop world, and they have won countless awards. Why wouldn't I look up to them?" She asks.

"Your fan girl is showing, Nari." Duri laughs. "Oh well, it's not a secret I'm an army." She shrugs. Duri finishes cooking dinner and plates it for everyone before they sit and eat together. They share light conversation, just bonding as they usually do. "I'm thinking about getting a puppy." Nari says randomly after a few moments of silence.

   "No you aren't." Eun says. "Yeah, I'm not. It's like that one time I said I was going to cut my hair short, I don't mean it I just said it because I thought about it." I shrug. "Do you wanna dye your hair tonight? I have leftover pink and with your black roots it'll look really good, we can just put it over the bleached part." Hyejin says. "Yes, as soon as we finish dinner that way I have time to shower and be well rested for tomorrow." She says.

After dinner, Osamu and Yejun do the dishes while Hyejin and Nari go to the bathroom and Eun goes and sits in the living room with Duri. Nari sets up her phone to do a live while Hyejin works on her hair. "Hello, hello." She waves as people start joining. "How's my day? My days been very good, we did a lot of practicing dances and then we came home and ate a nice dinner and now Hyejin is dying my hair." She says.

"What color? Pink." She answers. "I got an idea, you trust me right?" Hyejin asks her. "Yes, do whatever you want to my hair." She replies. "Favorite english word? Ricochet or maybe bodacious. I like to say words like ethereal and surreal as well though." She says.

   "Something exciting that happened today? Well, today I had a fellow idol ask if their band could meet with our band and ask some advice because BTS recommended us for if they needed more advice. I was very honored." She answers.

   "My bias in BTS? Not available because they're all kinda like older brothers to me." She says. "Favorite Kpop group? I like Twice and Red Velvet and Stray Kids and BTS and Blackpink and more." She answers. "What are the full names, pronouns, and ages of everyone in the band? Well, fun fact if you're ever struggling to remember one of our names just remember H.O.N.E.Y is our initials. In honey order it's Hyejin, Osamu, Nari, Eun, and Yejun. Age order it's Yejun, Osamu, Eun, Hyejin, Nari. Last names are Kim Yejun, Jeong Osamu, Lee Eun, Yun Hyejin, and Chang Nari." She answers.

   "Oh I forgot to say ages and pronouns, Yejun is 25, Osamu is 25, Eun is 23, Hyejin is 20, and I'm 18. Yejun is non-binary so they/them, Osamu uses he/him, Eun is she/they, Hyejin is gender fluid so any pronouns, and I use she/her." She adds. "What ethnicity is Osamu? Half Korean half Japanese. His mom is from Japan and she moved here and met his dad." She answers.

"How many of us have found our soulmates? Just Osamu, however I believe I almost met my soulmate today because we were taking a water break and I was singing Circus by Britney Spears and someone ran past and said 'free Britney' which are the words on my wrist." She smiles. "Favorite Britney song? Probably Circus because it's really catchy." She answers.

   "How was my english so good at our debut when I was only thirteen? My moms Australian and so that entire half of my family speaks English and from a young age she would make sure I could understand it. Also, my dad was moved to America for work when I was four and so we moved and lived there for eight years then we came back to South Korea when they moved him back and I became a trainee and we debuted a year later when Yejun and Osamu finished their military service." She answers.

   "Are we ever going to take a break? We don't plan to, that's why BigHit had Yejun and Osamu complete their military service pre-debut." She answers. "Do I listen to the neighborhood? Yes, I like Cry Baby, Daddy Issues, and Sweater Weather." She says. "What are my soulmates initials? H.K. and we assume it's not the english way so it's surname, given name." She says.

   "Why am I the main vocalist when I prefer rapping? I'm the main vocalist because I have the largest vocal range." She says. "Song that gets stuck in my head easily? A lot of them but Choke by I Dont Know How But They Found Me is stuck in my head right now." She answers. "Which band did BTS recommend us to? That's a secret but I can tell you that there's a K initial." She says.

   "My soulmate? No, the K is his surname, not first." She smiles. "A question for Hyejin, soulmates initials and age?" Nari asks. "M.L. and 24." She answers. "Favorite Melanie Martinez song? High School Sweethearts." She answers. "Okay, you're hair is done. Let the dye sit for an hour and a half then wash it out." Hyejin tells her.

   "Okay, hour and a half left on live. It's going to be in english now because I saw my moms in the chat and she said she likes the slight American accent I have." She says. "What collections do I have? I have a manga collection, Kpop album collection, Funko Pop collection, and a vinyl collection." She answers. "Favorite color? I like pastel purples, like lavender." She answers.

   "Favorite Harry Styles song? From the Dining Table." She answers. She spends the rest of the time answering questions until her timer goes off. "Okay, I have to go shower and then I'll be going to bed so that I'm well rested for practice tomorrow. I love you all, bye!" She waves, ending the live.

[1-800-seo]

1-800-𝗦𝗘𝖮'𝘀 𖣘 "𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝘆 (𝗨𝗻𝗶)𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲"

- 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: 𝖩𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗄𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝗑 𝖸/𝖭

- 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿/𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖼𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗄/𝖻𝗎𝗅𝗅𝖾𝗍𝖾𝖽/𝖾2𝗅/𝖼𝗈𝗅𝗅𝖾𝗀𝖾 𝖠𝖴

- 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 (𝖺 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗄𝗂𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗌), 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝖺𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗋𝗒, 𝖽𝗈𝗆!𝗃𝗄 𝗂𝖿 𝗎 𝗌𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗇𝗍, 𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗆𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌

- 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀: 2984

- 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: 𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗅𝖺𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗋𝗒 𝗀𝖾𝗍𝗌 𝗆𝗂𝗑𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗉 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖺 𝖼𝖾𝗋𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗈𝗇𝖾'𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝗍𝖾'𝗌 𝗀𝗈 𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗄, 𝖺 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇𝗀𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝗈𝗍 𝖾𝗇𝗌𝗎𝖾𝗌, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝖾𝗇𝖺𝗆𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖽𝗈𝗋𝗄.

doing laundry is absolutely one of your least favourite things in the world beside soggy socks

so you’re in a bad mood as soon as you walk into the campus launderette to say the least

the launderette is empty bar one dude you’d seen around the global technics centre

if you remember rightly he’s a European studies major

odd choice but you do you and all that

now you’re not weird or anything but you have a preference on what type of washing machine you use

I know I know kind of unorthodox

but the old washing machines take 30 mins longer so you’d prefer a newer one

unfortunately the only one left is directly next to this familiar-faced stranger and his laundry

your better judgement is telling you no but your impatience is telling you yes

and so you dump your laundry onto the floor next to the stranger and his and start sorting through for all your whites

your piles mingle a tad as they overlap beside each other like Venn diagrams of assorted underwear and other garments

his consisting of only whites

yours a jumbled mess since you had to wash all of your stuff

in sync you both pick up your washing and put it into the machine

you catch his dark wide eyes as you both straighten up and he lets out an awkward low-voiced giggle

your cheeks immediately flush pink and a bashful smile creeps up to your lips

“you’re from the global centre, right?”

you ask testing the waters

“I am, I’m a European studies major, my name’s Jungkook. I recognise you, you’re in linguistics class right?”

“Yeah, I’m a linguistics major so you’ll mostly see me there, it’s nice to meet you Jungkook”

you say with a smile as your hands fidget with the door handle of the washing machine

“It’s nice to meet you too, I thought I recognised you from somewhere, but it’s because I see you sometimes when I have to do extra credit European language projects. What’s your name?”

he says tilting his head like a curious puppy

“its ______”

you say as you bow to him politely

“Can I ask you something? I have to do a project on European languages and their similarities to others. The professor wants us to speak to outsiders for references so would I be able to collab on a project with you sometime in the future, if it’s not too much to ask?”

he averts his eyes from yours and blushes lightly

“Oh yeah sure, that’s no issue! It’ll be beneficial to me too because the linguistics portion of the course is coming up soon, so it’s a great idea.”

you beam at him

“Could I get your number?”

their is a pause that feels like an eternity between your next words and his last

the cause of this is your mind being far too focused on his wavy dark hair and his clear doe eyes

you snap out of your daze

“yeah totally, one sec”

you pull out your phone from your backpack on top of the washing machine and input his contact name and number as he reads it out

“Thanks for that, it’ll be a big help, let me know when you want to link up” he replies

and with that you had his number and continued on with your washing

21/10 18:32

Jungkook ༄ : not to be accusatory but do you happen to own a pair of RED socks?

You: yes, why do you ask??

Jungkook ༄ : well ALL of my washing seems to be PINK!!

You: just because I own a pair of red socks doesn’t mean it was me 😠

Jungkook ༄ : yes but you were the only one in the launderette when I was there,,

Jungkook ༄ : smh gonna be turning up to class in pink tshirts and and socks, everyone be thinking ive made a new fashion choices when it’s really just because SOMEONE can’t keep their clothes separate from others B/

You: 1) it’s not my fault that my socks decided to migrate to new lands

You: 2) why, are you scared of pink or something? your ego too fragile to wear a ‘woman’s colour’?

You: 3) did you really use a sunglasses sad face emoticon lol

Jungkook ༄ : girl u owe me big time for all these clothes you ruined 😩

Jungkook ༄ : also im not scared of pink I just dont want to be wearing pink shirts to all of my formal events for the next ten years

Jungkook ༄ : and yes im sWaG so my emoticons are sWaG duh

You : ruined? ruINED? RUINED? I did not ruin anything, I simply spiced up your wardrobe boo x

You : oh no he’s a 2012 hype beast 🤦🏻‍♀️

Jungkook ༄ : how dare you call me something so sacreligious as a hypebeast!!

Jungkook ༄ : I am gucci not channel thank you very much

Jungkook ༄ : anyways I gtg write a report, speak soon red socks

Seen ✓

Jungkook was in fact not writing a report

he was planning revenge dun dun dun~~~

his plan was to do the exact same thing you had done to him

but he had to be cunning about it

and so the week went on

he was scrolling through twt when he received a new follower

it was the one and only @_______

and lo and behold their last tweet was “tysm Seokjin oppa for buying me a personal washing machine,, now I can do my most hated thing but at home!!”

hehehe

an idea sprung into kookie’s head

he didn’t have to try and spike your washing at the launderette

he could do it in a place you’d never suspect,, your home

now he only had to find out where you lived

just stalkerish tingz

he had to be lowkey about this

so he decided to ask his best mate and social butterfly of a friend Taehyung whether he knew you

and of course he did lol

“Hell yeah I know where she lives, she had the best party of the whole term, Jimin was so drunk he started chatting himself up in the mirror”

“Damn that sounds like a good time, probs should start going to these parties you invite me to”

“defo should, anyways I’ll tell u as long as you promise not to spread the information or use it for pervy or questionable reasons”

“I promise not to spread it or use it for pervy or questionable reasons”

he replies in monotone voice and his hand on his chest like an oath

and so that was how he acquired your address

simple enough really

and so that’s the events that lead him to be crawling through your dorm window however paused like a deer in headlights at the questionable sounds coming from the room across

he was squatted on the window ledge like spider man, red sock in hand and hood up

it was 9:00pm and your university apartment was supposed to be empty at this time

you had your class on now but he hadn’t accounted for your roommate

hence why he had frozen at the unsavoury sounds echoing round the apartment

low moans and grunts emanated from the room across

dEsGöStEn

he had to get to the kitchen without alerting the dusk time love makers

he could do it if the floor plan was the same as his apartment block and he bet his reputation on that

if he got caught he’d never hear the end of it from his mates and your roommate might even call the campus police if they were spooked enough

and so he clambered through your bedroom window and onto your bed underneath

unmade bed might he add but what did he expect from a uni student

with wide eyes he listened for any noise of suspecting roommates and examined your room

the desk was littered with papers and an oversized lava lamp stood stout in the corner of the room

a lacy bra was hung over your wardrobe handle

he shoved away the idea of you wearing it and continued with his night time plot

slowly and stealthily he crept through the halls of the apartment and out to the kitchen

on the maiden was already a neatly hung load of whites

he’d have to assume it was yours otherwise he’d have to go back to your room to get laundry

he bundled up the clothes and shoved them in the washing machine with the incriminating red sock he’d brought and set it to economy spin

round and round it spun, getting progressively louder as it went

he had to get out of there asap

tip-toeing as he went past the questionable lewd noises, he finally made it to your bedroom

he made one last check to see if he’d left any damage in your room

his eyes fell upon that same bra

damn his manhood making him think predictably

he shoved the thought away and departed

25/10 22:08

You: what in the hell did you do to my washing!!!?!!!

You: unless it was a ghost it HAD TO BE YOU JEON 🤬

Jungkook ༄ : wym I don’t even know where you live 😑

Jungkook ༄ : what’ve you done now?

You: IT HAS TO BE YOU!! SOMEONE FRIGGIN TURNED MY WASHING PINK AND I PROMISE YOU IT WASNT ME

Jungkook ༄ : how would i do that?? I don’t have like magic clothes dyeing skills boo

You: I SWEAR it was you!!

You: what do you want to bet it was u

Jungkook ༄ : I won’t bet anything I’m poor

You: that means you did it!

Jungkook ༄ : if you come with me to Taehyung’s party tomorrow I’ll tell u everything

Jungkook ༄ : but only if you go, that’s the terms of agreement

You: that’s all the incriminating evidence I need!! you basically just admitted to it you know?

You: however for reasons sake I will attend 👀

Jungkook ༄ : see you then red socks x

You: I suppose u will x

time passed quickly and soon it was Taehyung’s party

You’d known Taehyung since middle school however since starting college you hadn’t seen much of him

schedules clashed often so the only time you got to see him was at a good party

nothing wrong with that, you just probably haven’t had a completely sober conversation with him in 2 years

he’s good fun, Taehyung, so you hoped Jungkook wasn’t as much as a killjoy as he’d been this week

his little antics (that you’d yet to figure out) had caused your work uniform to turn bright pink

and thus the ‘pink princess’ nickname at work began

you felt like sharpay, everyone in white, but you pink

you’d quite like to knock Jungkook down a peg after that

and so you made your way to the infamous Taehyung’s party

he welcomed you as you entered the large door of his fraternity house

behind his head of black curls you could see the mess that is a raging college party

young people, at assumably different levels of intoxication, were everywhere

some were stood all the way up the expanse of the stairs even

you looked around and spotted a familiar brunette in the kitchen sat on the large marble counter tops

he’s chatting to some pink haired girl beside him

you stalk up to him like a woman on a mission and jokingly (a little too hard for jokingly) push his shoulders with both hands

he immediately snaps his head round to face you and his eyes widen with shock

“I have a bone to pick with you.” you say as stern as you can

you grab hold a fistful of his black T-shirt and drag him into a side room

once you enter only then do you realise it’s a laundry room

how fitting 👀

you say “Come on, tell me how you did it.” as you cross your arms and glare at him

“Did what?”

“you know what I mean, don’t play dumb with me, how did you turn all of my washing pink, and might I add, my work uniform too!”

“Ohhh that, it was far too easy. You really should keep your windows locked when you’re out.” he says as he laughs, like the whole thing is amusing

“So you’re telling me you broke into my apartment?! How did u know where I live??”

at this point you’re pacing around the room, arms flailing wide at the sudden discovery

“Well, I may or may not have asked Taehyung, and he told me, and then I entered, I did not break into your apartment. Anyway, I didn’t touch anything but the washing machine and I had the lovely experience of being serenaded by your roommate’s sex symphony.”

he made a step forward towards you, almost in a challenging way

“Oh I’ll be having harsh words with him later...” you say as you uncross your arms and put them on your hips.

you stand thinking for a second before it sinks in

“Wait.. what did you hear? You said sex symphony, right?”

“Uh yeah, your roommate was proper going at it with someone. At least he had the decency to do it whilst you were out, I guess.” He chuckled

“Oh my days, that means Hobi must’ve had Hyerim round! Go him I guess, but also ewww”

“Anyways we’ve bounced around the issue enough here, you ruined my clothes and broke into my apartment!” you exclaim backing up against the wall

Jungkook starts to close the gap between you two

“So? What’re you going to do about?”

your back pressed flush with the wall, you start to realise how close he really is

you can see the small freckles that dot the bridge of his nose, the thick eyelashes that frame his eyelids, the totally sinful look in his eyes

like this you start to realise how shockingly handsome he is

no wonder he has a slight reputation in class

you had no idea why he was looking at you this way

“I-I’ll call campus security..” You begin

“Will you really now?” he retorts as he slams his hand into the wall behind you, caging you in

“I w-will” a whisper that falls on deaf ears

before you even register, his lips have attached themselves to yours and you feel his thumb under your jaw

he works his lips against yours and you feel your legs start to tremble

he tastes sweet and robust, like syrup on your tastebuds

you mould into his kiss and then break away, panting for air, wanting more

everything felt so wrong, yet so right at the same time

it was as if your current issue had melted away and the only thing you could focus on was the way he looked at you and how his soft lips felt against yours

“J-Jungkook? What’re we doing?” you asked, a giggle leaving you

you rest your head against chest, clasping at his tshirt

“I couldn’t resist, you’re so hot when you’re angry”

he places a firm kiss against your cheek, takes your hand in his, and leads you back to the party

you couldn’t believe you’d just done that, let him kiss you so easily

but once you let him, it felt so right, like it was supposed to be that way, him lapping you up like a parched man to water

it felt so natural to have his arm round your waist like it was now

the pair of you approached Taehyung, still clutched together

“What happened to you two? I heard _____ went off on one and then you both were missing for ages. And now you both show up all over each other... what went down 👀”

“Well you know, hate and love are both forms of passion.” Jungkook says with a smirk

“excuse me? Assuming I love you? I let you kiss me once and you say it’s love? I’ll show you love” you retort

“Oooh she’s feisty; so you kissed? Damn, things’re moving quickly for you two, one minute Jungkook’s asking me for your address, the next you’re sucking each other’s faces off. I’m one of hell of a wing man, if I do say so myself.”

Taehyung flips an imaginary lock of hair out of his way like a sassy high school cheerleader

You both just laugh, at Taehyung, and because of how crazy it is,

It’s almost like you didn’t know you liked him like that until it smacked you in the face

“Do you want a drink? A beer?” Jungkook asks pouring himself a glass of punch

“That’d be great, thank you” you reply as you realise how much more time you want to spend with this annoying but totally handsome dork of a boy

༄ 𝖳𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗈 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀! ༄

This was just a little fic I wrote a while ago which had formatting errors so I fixed it for y’alI, Hope you enjoyed it ☺️ Let me know what you thought of it and feel free to like and reblog <3

[pbandjesse]

I wish today wasnt over. Last I said last night this weekend is going to feel like a 30 minute lunch break and I wont feel any better and it sucks. And it doesnt help that I didnt sleep well again last night. But it wasnt a bad day. I just wasnt as productive as I wanted,and I slept in until almost 11 because I felt so crappy. I just want to feel better. 

When I got up I felt a little off because it was so late in the morning. I got dressed and felt cute but my hair felt very greasy. I put dry shampoo in it and moved on. I had breakfast and worked on my knitting a little. But after an hour I just wasnt feeling it today. That was okay. I watched a video and knit and had breakfast and it was good. 

I wanted to try playing around with dying leather. I used the dye that I got with Jess last week and painted my tan boots that I never wear. If anything they just look worn in now, but maybe Ill actually wear them now that they arent so bright. Well have to see as they dry more. 

Around 1 I decided I would go for a drive. I said goodbye to James and headed to savers. It was a nice drive. I had a good podcast to listen to. I parked and walked the one bag of clothes to donate and got my coupon. Which I didnt end up needing because my account already had a coupon on it. Sweet. 

I did have a nice time walking around. I got another birthday clown bear. It was for april (and James got me a february in the mail today too) which I thought I didnt have but I did. Aw well. I actually found two of the april ones so that would have been funny to have three. 

I also got a little plant growing kit for edible flowers for James to grow. And I got a few really excellent patterned dressed Im pretty jazzed about.  A long brown floral one. A short tshirt one for at home comfort. And I got this beautiful white one with embroidery that I will probably never wear but I love and couldnt help myself. Very pleased with my purchases. 

After a few more circles around the store I headed out. I decided to get tacobell for lunch. I accidently hit the curb but it was okay. I checked, didnt hurt the car. I had my tacos in the parking lot. And then decided I would check the five below for squishes. 

I actually ended up going to two five belows with no luck. They had the disney ones. Which are fine, but not really my thing. No micros or nothing. But that was alright. I got stickers and candy and a fluffy pair of sandal slippers that are very silly but I love. But I was very tired so it was time to go home. 

I went the back way home so I didnt go on the highway. Only took a few extra minutes but it was nice to have different scenery. 

When I got back here I got the mail and brought everything up. I was excited to find one of the harnesses I ordered came, along with that other birthday clown bear.  And an apron I dont think I ordered? Like Ill take it but I have no idea where it came from and if it was a mistake or something. Very strange. Its a nice apron at least. One of those linen cross back ones. It will be good for camp. 

I tried on all the new things and took tags off of everything. I put things away. And went to lay in the studio for a long while. 

I actually had the sun set around me. And only got up when James was done work at 6. 

I came to sit in the dungeon with them and they made us quesadillas. I watched James play video games for a while, watched tiktoks. They made peanutbutter cookies that still tasted like cookie dough.Which was awesome.  And washed my hair. I feel very tired now and I really hope I can just sleep tonight but I dont exactly have high hopes. 

I hope you sleep alright though. Tomorrow were going to go have cake at James's parents for Tucker's birthday. He gets carrot cake for his birthday cake and I love carrot cake so that will be nice. I hope the rest of the day is nice too. Goodnight everyone. 

[theslasherchild]

Micheal Myers love story

Part 5

Once we got home I passed Michael his new cloths, “ I hope you like them Micheal”, I also hope they fit i thought. Suddenly Micheal began to undress, mine and Elie face burnt red as he shirt lifted and his bare skin began to show through, I quickly ran forward and yanked his shirt back down,”NOT HERE” I yelp “go upstairs and changed“ my face still burning pink.

He nodded and quietly walked up stairs, “ buzz-kill” I heard Elie sniggering at me as she began to laugh, I threw a scoul at her. “ you lucky thing having that strapping lad living with you, almost makes me forget he’s a psychopath” she said giggling.

I swiftly turn on my heal and marched into the kitchen leaving Elie in a laughing messing the sofa. I sat on the island in my kitchen, still had a pink to my cheek as I drank my coffee, I sat and look out the window at the kids playing in the street. I once again began to cast my mind back to my childhood thinking about Micheal, he’s grown a lot I though casting my mind back to the little boy with blonde hair I wonder what happened to him once I left.

I sat thinking on it for a few more mintues before I felt someone walking into the kitchen I turn around to see Micheal. He looked...really hot, the jeans I got fit him really well and the black shirt outlined his muscles perfectly, I felt my face going pink as he stood there in front of me, staring at me. I looked up to meet his gaze, it was the first time I had properly look him in the face since we were little I suppose, his eyes were dark brow to the point where they almost look black they were beautiful I started to begin to loose myself in those eyes, so much so that I didn’t realise nor stop my self when my hand began to move to his face cupping his cheeks, what am I doing I thought once my hand touched his face, my face getting closer to his how can one man even do this to me so quickly why am I so desperate to be near him he’s a killer but yet I want him.my head swirling as our face become closer and closer, I begin to feel his breath on my face, my arms wrap around his neck and his hands move down to my waist and he moves himself in between my thighs on the counter, bringing me closer to him as I feel myself press right up against him, god why did he have to be so sexy to me I though. Our lips so close, “am I interrupting something” I heard a nervous voice come from the doorway.

I turn quickly to see Elie stood looking nervous, standing next to the policeman that had came to my door a few days ago, “s-sorry I’m interrupting you two, but I’ve bine sent to this neighborhood again to tell yer about the situation” my face blushing scarlet as Micheal still hadn’t taken his hands off me yet in fact if anything he had tightened his grip on me, “ r-right yes thankyou c-could you just please go into the living room we’ll be there in a minute” I look up at Micheal and gently push him away from me he had a oddly hurt look on his face, “ would you like any coffee sir” I ask , “ why thank you little miss” he replied walking away into the living room with Elie.

I jump off the island and I look up at Micheal sternly “ listen Micheal, that man thinks your my boyfriend and if you want to continue staying here your going to have to play along, I know you’re not the most talkative person but if he ask you anything I need you to answer” he didn’t say anything, “ please Micheal, I don’t want you to go please do this for me” without thinking I wrapped my arms around his waist and look up at him, a slight pink cane across his face, “ fine” he said, “ but only because I want to stay with you” I blushed at his response and squeezed his, I made the guys coffe and walked into the living room, Micheal following behind me.

We sat across from the police guy “so sir what’s this about” I ask nervously gripping Micheal hand, “ please call me bill”, he said cheerfully, he looked over at Micheal “ I do t honk we’ve had the pleasure, he held his hand out to shake his, anxiety ran over my body as I watch Micheal, suddenly michel leaned over reaching for his hand and shook it before quickly grabbing my hand and squeezing it right. “ anyway enough introductions what’s this about” Elie ask sternly “ right, sorry luv, I’ve just come over to tell yer that we’ve bine tracking the car that’s he’s bine using and we’ve actually tracked it to Maine” my face suddenly began to brighten, “ so does this mean he’s left he town”, “must so miss but we’re still asking yer to be careful and make sure yer doors and window are locked” he said once again cheerfully.

After Bill left I quickly ran into Micheal arms, “ isn’t this great some stupid kids must have taken that car you stole to Maine, thing might finally dye down a bit” I said happily. “ he held me tight a small smile going across his face, “ I’m gonna be heading home Ilene”, I turn to see a relived looking Elie, “okay I’ll see you tomorrow at work” I have her a quick hug and waved her goodbye. Once I got back in and locked the door I looked at the clock 22:30 it said, I should get ready for bed I do have work tomorrow I thought. “ Micheal “ I said, he quickly came into the hallway, “ I’m gonna go to bed your welcome to stay down here for a bit though” he nodded and walked into the living room.

I sluggishly walked up the stair, I brushed my teeth and put on my pjs and climbed into my bed, relief washing over me, I was so happy that Micheal would be staying with me I do t know why but I don’t want harm to come his way I want to keep him safe Because he wants to keep me safe i thought about it for while before drifting into darkness. I woke up to the sound of my alarm, after a few minutes it took me a second to realise the hands that were clutching onto me, I began to rock Micheal in hopes to wake him up but all I got was an annoyed grunt, “ Micheal” I said but still no response, “ mikey...” I said in the best sexy tone I could muster up at 6:30 am, however it seem to work as his eyes open and he sat up to face me but then he place his head in my chest pulling me closer to him, oh shit I thought as I tried to pull away, “ please don’t go” I heard Micheal say muffled but my chest, “ but I need to go to work Micheal “ I said gently, I got no response I sighed and thought, I mean I haven’t had a day off since I started at that school, I thought, “ okay fine BUT only this once” I said annoyed he then look up at me his face emotioless but his eyes said everything. I stretched to reach my phone and on my night stand hoping the cable would reach me, I called Elie to tell her I wasn’t coming I and then the school to tell them I was Ill, you know the general excuse.

“Okay I’ve called I’m all your today, but tomorrow I’m going In no excuse” I said sternly. Suddenly he grabbed me lifeting me up as he sat cross legged so that I could sit in his laps my legs either side of him. “ why is your face so red” he ask, he leaned in close so his head was the crook of my neck, “am I embarrassing you” he asked innocently. I pushed away from his in shock, “WOAH, weres mister I don’t talk to anyone gone” I said laughing, “ I don’t feel like I can’t talk to you Ilene” the way he said my name made me feel so special. Once again without realisation my arms were wrapping around his neck as i pushed his down into the mattress so that I was on top, our face got closer until our lips finally connected, it was amazing I had never felt so much emotio in just one kiss, at this point I didn’t care that he was a killer he was mine in this moment, the kiss began to get more sloppy as our lips danced together my tongue exploring his mouth, suddenly I felt something, something hard pressing up against me, I couldn’t help my self but push further down on it making a slight grunt come from Michaels throat, I stopped and sat up “ looks like I’m the one making you nervous” I said with a smug look on my face. I heard a small laugh come from his lips, my face brightened I was so happy that I could make him laugh he always looked so sad to see him smile made me feel so good.

WARNING: mature content ahead (you’ve bine warned)

“I’ve missed you” he said, I froze for a moment staring into his eyes until he continued “ I was so lonely when you left I couldn’t wait until I would be able to see you again” I blushed as he expressed his disire for me, “am I really that special to you” I asked nervously embarrassed by all this attention “yes” he said plainly but his eyes said everything I needed to know, I bent down and peck his lips, “ I dont quite know what it is about you, but you make me feel like I can be myself and loose myself in you” I said. His face grew red at my remark until he quickly tossed me over so that he could be on top, I grew red as his mouth moved to my neck and earlobe kissing and licking me adding in small bites, it felt so good I placed my hand in his hair and neck. This really is crazy I thought me here messing around with a killer but I oddly didn’t care I want to be with him I don’t want this to go away I thought. He suddenly began to push his hips against me moving them rhythmically my grip tighten on his hair and I causiouy moved my hips upward to match his rthym.

Small moan escaping my lips as low grunt came from Micheal as he worked away on my neck. On god what am I going to do with him I thought slightly giggling into one of my moans. I loved this feeling Michael gave me, I never got this much lust when I was with peter or any of my ex’s this felt so real and right to me I never want it to stop. I started to kiss his neck biting and sucking in it, as I switched off my thoughts and letting pleasure take over. Michael slowly moved down from my neck to my collarbone as his hand moved up my shirt, a sudden embarrassment came over me, “ s-sorry there not very big “ I said face night red, with that he whipped of my shirt and just stared at me “ your perfect “ he said as he began to kiss my breast playing with them, my moans became louder as I felt his warm, wet mouth over my nipple sucking on it, “ohhhh my go-“ my moans cut of as he pulled away as disappointment spread across my face.

He sat up to take his shirt off and threw it across the room, my hands rubbing all over him, he really was well built he was so beautiful. He them harshly grabbed my wrist pulling them above my head before quickly pulling my pants down, I closed my eyes and I felt him kiss my stomach moving down further and further until I felt a warm mouth lick me, kiss me there, I couldn’t help my self I moaned out so loud, “ OH GO-Oood yEs rIgHt thErE” my voice shaking, his hand squeezing my thighs. I suddenly felt something cold push against my entrance as I felt his cold finger pushing into me, I yelped out, he kissed me on the lips gently to almost comfert me, as I relax he began pumping his finger in and out before adding another. I became a moaning mess as he kiss me roughly.

He then pulled his fingers out and kissed me again, I looked at his face it was red and flustered he was so cute, I pushed his over kissing him softly before my hand started to push his pants down I pulled him to the end of the bed as I knelt down I rubbed his back as I reached into his pants rubbing him gently his face a deep red and he pushed my hair out of my face. I pulled his member out, oh my god I thought blushing at the sight of it, it was big and thick. I began to kiss the tip and kissing all the way down before licking back up I took a dead breath and took him all in one, hearing him grunt and moan made me so happy that I could be the one to make him feel such strong emotion. My head bobbing up and down faster and faster before he grips my hair right grunting loud shooting his load into my throat before I swallow it. Both panting I snake my way back up into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist as he falls back into the bed pulling the cover around us.

Hello 👋 sorry if the mature bit was bad it was the first I’ve ever write but I hope you enjoyed it

[chelleztjs18]

Hahaha oh no, the trouble lefty eyebag!

Hopefully you guys got everything for tomorrow! Are you all set? What time you gonna start the meal?

Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong term... cause I thought sap meant someone who is lovesick? Like someone who gets all giddy over sentimental cutesy things. Maybe not sweet side but the cheesy side hahaha I hope I'm making sense.

Oh thats nice. Somewhat like Scarlett's tattoo, except hers is around her wrist. Yeah, I messed up big time with the placements of my tattoos. I wanted one side to be all about family and friends, then the other side will all be comical funny stuff.

Touche 😅 yeah, never gonna do that again. From now on, I drink responsibly or make sure someone in the group is responsible for me so I don't do crazy crap.

Hm do you have a strange or weird addiction?

- CuriousGeorge

lol yep! the trouble lefty eyebag! haahahahha.

i thought we did but I forgot the sweet rolls and I'm upset about it. I can't believe I forgot them. What did you decide to make for tomorrow? You got everything? I don't know yet what time the meals start or what time I will start cooking. I need to read the cooking instruction from the ham packaging. I dont know if I told you but we ordered a package of meals from Honey Baked Ham. It has 13.5 Lbs of honey ham, 3.5 lbs of sliced glazed cooked turkey meat and some sides cheesy mashed potatoes with ham, cornbread stuffing and turkey gravy. It still takes quite a time to prepare it but less than regular cooking. We decided to do this because we hv nobody comes over so it's easier to do have it this way.

I remember two years ago we made 2 turkey (1 was smoked turkey, the other was deep fried.) and last year we made 1 traditional baked turkey and we made a prime rib with au jus sauce and horseradish because we had families come over.

haha yeah i know what you meant. I got giddy easily with sentimental cutesy things. :D n yeah i think someitmes i can be cheesy. lol. when I write fluff, i like to make it a little funny. I guess it's just me. ahahahah.

ah i see. so you have like 8 tattoos in random spots on both of your sides?

yeah, i can say that i dont drink that often anymore. oh that's another thing that i think "I'm too old for this", drinking and having hangover. lol. the last time I got super drunk was on 4th of July and I split a tall bottle of vodka with my cousin's husband. I was so drunk n i was dyeing my hear red. I almost fell asleep with the dye still on my hair and my cousin had to wake me up n told me to wash my hair. so I washed my hair n rinse the dye drunk at like around 4 a.m hahaha. the next morning my hair was too red. and i threw up a few times. lol.since then i havent really drink anymore (although I tried to find something to drink for tomorrow but then I changed my mind and didnt buy anything. ) lol

hmm I don't know what addiction i have. hahahaha. I crack my knuckles often. but i dont know if it counts as an addiction. :D what bout u?

Next question?

Cheerio!

[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: chapter 11

@dansyellowshirt I have a new chapter and it made me cRY writing it just ask my bff I gave myself FeelingsTM but enjoy everyone I queued this just for yall

Tags for chapter: angst, fluff, aphobia, internalized aphobia

Words for chapter: ~4.6k

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3!)

<– Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~

When Dan finally closed the door on his flat, it was nearing five in the morning. Jaime had tried to convince him to stay over because of Dan's high strung emotions as well as the fact that it was a ridiculous time in the morning and Dan hadn't had any sleep, but he had refused. After a teary "bye" and another bear hug, Dan had found himself walking down the pavement in the vague direction of his flat, head down, mind wandering.

By the time that his feet had brought him to the door of his apartment complex, he felt squeezed, as if he was being pushed into a mold that he couldn't fill.

Dan kicked off his shoes and left them haphazardly by the door as well as missing the hook on the wall for his jacket, but not even bothering to pick it up from the floor. He would probably end up tripping over his mess later and regret not fixing it, but he couldn't give a rat's ass at the moment.

He stripped himself of his clothes once he got to his bedroom and dragged a pair of pajama bottoms over his legs and a loose shirt with a wide cut that sometimes slipped over his collarbones, but was comfortable.

Dan resisted the urge to flop into his bed right then and there—he was exhausted—and kicked his dirty clothes out of the way as he walked back out of his bedroom. Dan might want to just curl up in a ball at cease to exist at the moment, but he would hate himself a lot more later if he didn't even try and perform some kind of personal hygiene. And brushing his teeth would go a long ways in the direction of un-fucking tomorrow morning. Or later this morning, actually.

He flicked on the light and just blinked a few times to adjust to the bright-as-hell fluorescent bulb he had for some godforsaken reason. When he looked in the mirror, however, he nearly dropped the toothbrush in his hand and couldn't help the gasp that escaped his lips. He was staring at his reflection, mouth open, eyes wide, and he could see the shock on his face, but he also wasn't paying much attention to it because his hair, jesus christ.

It wasn't like Jaime's hair, which was practically neon because her hair had been bleached while Dan's hadn't, but it didn't seem to matter as much as Jaime had thought, because it still looked good. His hair was curly due to not being given a chance to straighten it after Jaime had washed the dye out, but his normally brown curls were replaced by midnight-ish blue ones. Dan ran a hand through it, still in a bit of disbelief. When Jaime had finished with his hair, he hadn't looked in a mirror or asked for a picture. Instead, they had just rubbed a towel on Dan's hair to keep it from dripping and fell on the couch, where they talked and cried and laughed for a little bit. Dan stared at his reflection for a few moments, feeling time tick by with the beat of his heart.

Then, he laughed, the sound bubbling up from his throat as he tugged lightly at his curls. His blue curls. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally, but he was smiling ridiculously at his reflection and laughing; it didn't make too much sense to him.

"Maybe I'm finally losing it," he muttered, looking for the toothpaste in the cabinet that hung above his sink.

A few minutes later after removing the gross feeling of his mouth and playing with his hair a little more, Dan crawled into bed, the need to rest sinking deep into his bones. He rolled over and grabbed his phone on the nightstand where he had left it when he was getting dressed. Dan plugged it in, and when the screen lit up in its normal fashion whenever it was charging he couldn't help but see the several text notifications he had.

Frowning, Dan unlocked the phone and clicked on his messenger app, which promptly showed texts from Jaime and...Phil.

Biting his lip, Dan clicked on Jaime's name. Her text was short and sweet and completely to the point, but Dan still couldn't help the warm feeling that blossomed from his chest. He typed out a reply and sent it.

>>From: my maraschino cherry

i took u off the schedule for work later today

so dont worry abt coming to work kay? and

take some time out for yourself alright? u

deserve a break

>>To: my maraschino cherry

tysm jaime i'll make it up to u, promise

<333

Her little three bubbles popped up immediately, and he nearly started crying at her reply, that's how fragile he was at the moment.

>>From: my maraschino cherry

<333

Really. A typed out heart had no reason to pull at his heart so much. It wasn't fair.

Dan backed out of he and Jaime's text conversation, and he was confronted with Phil's waiting texts, blinking up at him seemingly angrily. His thumb hovered over the screen and Dan's heart was pounding in his ears. He tried to imagine what Phil had texted him, and how much he had apparently felt so strongly about it, for there were eleven texts from the one and only Phil Lester.

He's probably telling you that he doesn't want anything thing like that from you anymore, and how you're a fucking freak, idiot. What else would he or anyone else have to say?

Dan swallowed thickly and clicked the screen off, dropping the phone on his nightstand like it had burned him. He could deal with it tomorrow.

~~~~~

Dan slept fitfully, tossing and turning and barely being able to stay unconscious for an hour. His dreams weren't helping matters, either. He kept having nightmares over his ex-girlfriend, snarling at him in disgust after he had tried to explain it. He kept seeing that afternoon, Dan sitting on her bed, she standing over him, her mouth moving, her words booming from the walls, the ceiling, the floor, rattling inside Dan's eardrums and taking a sledgehammer to his heart. Except, her voice and face were Phil's. And then before Dan knew it it was Phil, telling him everything he had been trying to convince himself wasn't true since...well, since everyone he knew told him it was.

Freak.

Unnatural.

Confused.

After a handful of hours of the back and forth that he just couldn't stand anymore, Dan crawled out of bed at around noon, only a few hours of collective sleep in his system. He stumbled into his kitchen, his duvet bunched around his body. Dan grabbed the box of cereal he had on his counter and just shuffled into his tiny lounge, dropping himself onto the sofa immediately and sighing as he settled into his sofa crease. Dan flicked on Netflix and opened the box while he was waiting. He stuffed a fist-ful of dry cereal into his mouth as he flicked through his options. Thank god for reality TV, Dan thought as he selected some new Netflix original, and thank god for people with just as shitty lives as mine having a TV crew to record it.

Several hours and numerous episodes of his show later, there was a knock on his door.

Dan was curled up in a ball on his couch, his monochrome duvet still wrapped tight around his body like a cocoon. The box of Crunchy Nut had fallen to the floor close to an hour ago, and Dan didn't care. He hadn't even really eaten much of it anyways.

After a few seconds, the knock sounded again, just as insistent and obnoxiously loud as before. Damn, don't they know that some people are trying to mope, Dan humorlessly thought, craning his neck to look at his front door.

It returned, but this time it sounded as if whoever it was was using their fist to pound at the door. Dan groaned and cursed the inevitable determined-as-hell salesman at his door. He dragged himself to his feet and thought about shedding his duvet to keep the remaining shred of his dignity intact, but with the pounding having yet to stop, he threw the thought out the goddamn window. What the fuck did he have to lose?

The noise continued, refusing to let up even for a moment, and Dan once again wished that whoever was behind the door would go jump off a damn cliff.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming!" Dan shouted, wrapping his fingers around the doorknob after sliding back the lock and yanking the door open. His mouth was already open to lay into whoever it was, but he stopped dead in his tracks.

Phil was standing there, incredibly close to the doorframe, his hand still raised to continue trying to beat Dan's door in. His breathing was slightly irregular and his eyes were wide, hair in a complete disarray. Phil was in his Tesco employee uniform, but it was rumped as hell as if he was coming straight from one of his shifts.

"Dan," Phil breathed. He sounded so so relieved, but the relief was dripping with a thousand other emotions tangled together, and there was no way that Dan could try and pull them all apart.

Phil swallowed, and flicked his eyes over every inch of Dan—his eyes, his hair, his lips, his shoulders, his partially hidden legs, his feet, everywhere. Reflexively, Dan knew that his skin should be crawling, but the feeling never came, and Dan realized a second later that it was because Phil's gaze wasn't looking for anything like that. It wasn't that kind of hungry. It drank in the sight of Dan like he was never going to be able to again. And Dan didn't know how it made him feel.

"I need to talk to you." Phil said, finally snapping out of it and looking Dan in the eyes. He sounded desperate, and his blue blue eyes were pleading.

Dan's heart was pounding and he wanted to say no just as much as he wanted to say yes. He didn't trust his mouth, and for once he managed to keep it clamped shut. Last time he and Phil had been together and how he had just blurted it out was enough proof. So Dan just stepped back and let his front door swing open a fraction of a degree more than it had been a few seconds ago. Magically, a massive amount of tension melted off of Phil's shoulders and he stepped through the opening and into Dan's flat.

He closed the door, and at this point, Dan's anxiety was in full swing, starting to wreak havoc in his head. Dan just clutched his duvet tighter in his hands and let his shaky legs take him back into the lounge. He sat on the couch, and Phil sat himself down too, on the opposite side. Dan stared at the stitching in the fabric on his cushions, and he could feel Phil's gaze on him. They were both silent.

"If you're going to yell at me, just do it, please," Dan whispered. He didn't lift his eyes.

"Yell at you? Why would I ever?" Phil said immediately. He sounded appalled.

"Running out, kissing you, being, well, me," Dan said, his right hand emerging from his duvet to gesture to himself, "among others. I've certainly given you enough reasons, I'm sure."

Phil didn't say anything, and Dan just sank lower and lower in on himself.

"Dan I...where did you...why would you think I would yell at you?"

Dan shrugged.

"That's what everyone does." The when I tell them I'm asexual was left unsaid, but Dan had the feeling that Phil understood.

Dan was expecting virtually anything at that moment, but in normal Phil fashion, Phil surprised him.

"Dan, did you see my texts earlier?"

"No…?" Dan said, his confusion making him look up. Why the hell did a few texts matter right now? Phil didn't even meet his gaze, he was standing so fast, practically jumping off the couch and looking around.

"Where's your phone?"

"In my bedroom but why do you—Phil!"

Phil took off right down the hallway, looking left and right for Dan's bedroom and finding it, disappearing for a few seconds before re-emerging and marching straight to where Dan was still sitting. Phil shoved the phone towards Dan after he sat back down.

"Unlock it, please."

"Phil, I-"

"Dan, please."

Helpless to the desperation and unfacilitated emotion in Phil's voice, Dan robotically tapped in the five-digit passcode he had on his phone. It unlocked and Phil grabbed the phone back, tapping a few times in quick succession.

"Phil, what-"

Phil just pushed the phone right back into Dan's hands. On the screen, Phil's texts were pulled up. Once again, Dan tried to speak, but Phil just cut him off.

"Dan, read them, please for the love of god read the fucking texts." Eyes wide, Dan looked down at his phone.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

Dan please come back

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

Dan? Where are you? Are you safe? Please

tell me you're alright.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

Dan please I'm worried sick

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

It's really late right now, 3am actually, and

you left hours ago but damnit Dan I haven't

been able to focus on anything since you

left. I cant even sleep.

Im worried abt you and want nothing more

to talk to you right now but you arent answering

your texts and I cant even really blame you

you looked so scared when you blurted out

that you were asexual I wanted to cry FOR

you

And you being asexual is okay! Believe me, I

promise I have no prob with it, I would be a shitty

person if I did, and all of the people out there that

DO have a prob with it are shitty

But Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, I really wish you hadn't

run out on me, you know? oh, well I guess you

dont know, thats why you ran out huh...well

whenever you read this, you'll know

There is not one part of I, Philip Michael Lester,

that gives a shit if you are asexual. You are you

and to be frank I wouldnt have you any other way

than how I know you. Youre asexual. Okay. The

only thing that has changed is my level of

understanding of you bc now I just idk know more

abt you

Youre funny and sarcastic and cynical and insanely

kind even tho you have that big bad exterior and you

have a goddamn heart of gold Dan, and since things

are potentially already fucked between us, I'm just

gonna come right out and say it - I'm fucking head

over heels for you, Dan, every part of you, and YES

that means the asexual part of you too so dont even

try and let your head tell you otherwise

Like I said I've fallen so hard for you, okay? When we

kissed i stg it was like a daydream of mine coming true

right before my freaking eyes, Dan. Youre someone

truly incredible and goddamn i would love to be a part

of your life, as sex free as freaking possible in any way

you would have me.

This got really long and I hope youre not responding bc

youre sleeping but Dan please call me whenever you

read these okay? I dont want you to think that I could

hate you or anything bc of your sexuality bc that couldnt

be further from the truth

Dan looked up from the phone screen, and he could feel the streams of tears on his face. He hiccuped, and Phil had tears in his eyes as well, and such a pained look on his face.

"Can I hug you?" He asked, his voice tight. Dan nodded hurriedly, and Phil wasted no time, scooting forward and instantly wrapping his long arms right around Dan, pulling him into his lap. Dan started to sob, and Phil clung to him.

"I don't find you disgusting, or shameful, or wrong, or broken, or anything, Dan, anything but who you are. You're asexual and you're you and I would never, never, want you to be someone else. I'm so sorry you had to hide. I'm so sorry you got scared and I fucking hate whatever and whoever made you so terrified to be yourself." Phil said, sniffling himself. "Please believe me, Dan." Phil whispered. Dan nodded, his head pressed against Phil's shoulder. He wanted to say something, anything, but his mouth wasn't working and his brain had shut down and he was crying.

Phil held him as he cried, almost just like how Jaime had been holding him not too long ago. And when the tears stopped, Phil just continued to rub Dan's back. They didn't say anything, and part of Dan was grateful for that, but the other part of him wanted to try and tell Phil a thousand things at once. His brain was stuck like a broken record player, a mantra of Phil Phil Phil bouncing around his skull. He was wrong, wrong wrong wrong, Phil didn't hate him, he didn't.

And in that moment, Dan was reminded of the ghosts of his past. And he wanted to tell. He suddenly craved spilling it all out for Phil, leaving himself bare and open and pushing all of the secrets Dan has held inside of him for so long out in the open.

"It started with my ex."

Dan felt Phil shift his position underneath him but Phil didn't let go of Dan once. He took a deep breath and continued. "She and I had been friends, and we eventually started dating. It was nice, and she was great, real lovely and sweet and kind. We went on a few dates and held hands and kissed a few times—all that stuff. We started going steady, and seven months in and a few times of trying on her end, she convinced me to have sex with her." Dan said, starting to pick at a string on his duvet. "I did it mainly because I wanted to make her happy, and because I thought that I always felt so off about sex due to never having it. I didn't know that something like asexuality existed. I didn't like it, hated it in fact, and by the end of it, I was trying to balance a panic attack. I ended up leaving after a few minutes to 'clean up'," Dan made little quotes with his hands, "but when I got to the bathroom I threw up and panicked."

Dan stopped and licked his lips. He hated reliving it, but at the same time he wanted to talk about it with Phil, he wanted Phil to know everything about him. God, Dan was even confusing to himself.

"It was my first time, but I don't think it was hers, and after I came back we cuddled and watched some movies and stuff. She didn't seem to realize that anything was wrong. After that sex became something normal in our relationship. She would always initiate it, and I would never say no, thinking that maybe, just maybe, this time would be the time when my head and my body got the message that I was supposed to like this. But it never happened and months passed and I just kept getting more and more depressed and anxious. I started making up excuses to get out of it, and when she called me out on it, claiming that I didn't love her anymore, I told her that I was asexual. I wasn't really confident in my label because I had found it only for a few weeks at that point, but after I kind of explained how I hated sex with her and felt disgusting and threw up and was so so anxious, she got quiet. And then…" Dan swallowed, "and then she started yelling. She told me that I was lying, that there was no thing such as asexuality, and that I was just making stuff up at that point. She said...a lot of other stuff too."

"Can I ask what?" Phil said, his voice just as much of a whisper as Dan's. It wavered, and there was something tight and emotional in it. Dan nodded.

"After I kept trying to convince her that I was asexual and that it was real, she changed tactics. She broke up with me on the spot and told me that I was a freak and that there was something wrong and broken with me. She told me that no one would ever love me if I didn't give anyone sex. That I could just...die alone and 'like I should'. She said that too, the whole, 'like I should' thing. And then she kicked me out of her house and told me she never wanted to see me again."

When Dan finished, Phil moved his hands to Dan's shoulders and tugged gently, pulling Dan's head away from the crook of Phil's neck that it had been resting in. He was frowning heavily.

"You don't believe that, right?"

Dan shrugged. He didn't know how to tell Phil the truth, but he was sure that Phil could see how he was blinking back tears. Fuck, his past hurt.

Phil's frown just got deeper, and his head jerked, as if he had wanted to move it forward but decided against it at the last moment.

"Promise me you'll deck me if I make you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Phil?"

"Just promise."

"Okay…" Dan said warily. Phil nodded, and leaned forward, kissing Dan's forehead.

"You aren't a freak."

Phil's lips moved to Dan's temple.

"You aren't broken."

His cheek.

"You aren't wrong or unnatural."

A kiss on his nose.

"No one that actually matters wouldn't love you just because you're ace."

Dan's other cheek.

"And you won't die alone because you don't 'deserve' that."

Phil pulled back fully, and fuck, Dan felt like he could start crying again. Phil rubbed his thumb over Dan's cheekbone, the rest of his hand cupping Dan's jaw, and Dan leaned into the touch.

"Was she the only one you've ever told?"

"No, I told you, and Jaime, and my parents. All of my friends and schoolmates found out too, but I didn't tell them. She told them."

Phil frowned.

"Did none of them seriously accept you?"

Dan laughed humorlessly. "No, not one. From then on I was the laughing stock of the whole fucking school. A teenage boy who throws up after sex? Pathetic. I was asking for all of the assholes that picked on me afterwards. And it's not like I have the best track record with people actually thinking that I'm not, you know, a freak. My mum started crying after I told her, like I had just said I was dying from some terminal disease. And my dad straight up threw me out after he was through screaming at me. I ended up sneaking back in after they had gone to bed to grab a bag full of stuff and all of the money I could carry, so I wasn't that bad off, but it took me a few days to move down here and find a place to stay." Dan gestured to the flat they were in. "I then got the first job I could find, which was the one down at the coffee shop and I met Jaime, thank god. Thankfully I told them after I had finished school, though I didn't get the chance to go to uni like I planned. Two years later, I'm still in the same spot I crashed in." Dan's voice was raw and there were a few tears making their way down his face, but Phil would just wipe them away with his fingers.

"How long has Jaime known?"

"Not very. Last night after I ran out on you I ended up at her place and broke down and told her. She accepted me, don't worry, and we ended up crying in her kitchen together. It's also where she and I did this," Dan said, pointing to his hair. Phil smirked and ran his fingers through it.

"I noticed the hair, believe me, it was one of the first things my eyes went to when you opened your door. I just had much more pressing things to try and hopefully work out with you than your sudden hair change."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Phil said, his hand once again dragging its way through Dan's curls that he had yet to tame. Dan melted into the contact and felt his body relax, sighing happily.

"This is okay, right?"

Dan nodded, still feeling very content with Phil's hands raking through his hair.

"Mhm, definitely. Kissing, hugging, cuddling and all that is okay because none of it is sex. And god playing with my hair is at the top of the list." Dan blurted out. He felt his face grow red instantly from his confession, and Phil laughed.

"Guess I know your kryptonite, then. Though Dan, I have another question, if you don't mind."

Dan's stomach dropped and he felt fear crawl up his spine no matter how much he couldn't help it. It was his gut reaction and Dan suspected that he would still need quite a while to get over it.

"Ask away."

"Did you get any sleep last night because I also noticed your horrendous eye bags."

Dan gasped and shoved Phil's shoulder, who started to giggle, a hand coming up in front of his mouth. Dan tried to keep up his annoyed charade, but his face cracked into a smile in no time and then he was laughing right along with Phil, the tense air that had been between them ever since Phil showed up to his door dissipating into something much more natural and much more...them.

"Okay okay, but seriously, Dan you look bloody exhausted."

"And? You don't look that much better, Philly." Dan rolled his eyes, but Phil just poked him. "Oi. I slept a little before I went nuts texting you, and then I got a handful of hours in after too. How about you, huh?" Phil poked Dan again.

"Fine, if you must know, I think I got a few in total, but I don't know, exactly. I had trouble staying asleep and well, I gave up after a little." Dan said, shrugging.

"Dan!"

"What? I was distressed! I deserve a free pass!" Dan cried. The playful attitude between them was still there, which Dan was grateful for. Phil hummed and wrapped his arms back around Dan, but he used their combined body weight to roll back. Dan was laying on top of Phil like this, and Phil's arms were still around him.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean I like it. Now sleep. You need it."

"Phil I can't just sleep on demand like that."

"Yes you can, now shush, and sleep."

"Phil!" Dan whined, squirming a little but not trying very hard to break free of Phil's grasp. "What if I'm not tired? And besides, don't we still have to talk about stuff? Like us—if there is an us—and maybe me if you have other questions still, or-"

"Shhhh" Phil said, pressing a finger to Dan's lips. "We're not talking about anything else until you get some sleep, Dan." Phil said. Dan rolled his eyes, but he also sunk into Phil's embrace. It felt nice to be held.

They fell into silence, but it was comfortable and familiar. Sooner than Dan might have liked to admit, he started to feel his eyes droop, his exhaustion from the past two days catching up with him.

"Sleep, Dan," Phil whispered, one of his hands playing with Dan's hair, "I'll still be here when you wake up."

Dan smiled, and let his eyes close.

[tumblunni]

okay.. well.. I may as well actually talk about this

I got the intial news like almost a month ago now, but its only now that I have more details and I’m actually going to the first meeting tomorrow. Also i was just so nervous I didnt know how to talk about it until now. So umm.. yeah! The long version under the cut, but in summary: I may be going somewhere soon, and for potentially 4-6 months. I may or may not have much access to the internet. But this is hopefully gonna help my mental health, I hope. And I have this money in my savings now I wanna keep it as a ‘reward’ of sorts after I finish this, and I’m really hoping to be able to take a holiday to america and visit at least one of my friends, depending on how many states I’m able to cross on this budget. And hopefully I might actually be more prepared for such a big journey, and if its my reward then I’ll be able to not give up!! No matter what!! So yeah more under the cut, umm:

I may be going to an intensive therapy location. Its a communal housing area with therapy support workers and a course that I have to go through. i’ve been repeatedly reassured that it isn’t as bad as some terrifying places I’ve heard of on the internet, its a confirmed NHS-funded health facility and its supposed to be more of a communal house than like.. a prison with electroshock ‘therapy’. I dont really have any info on it yet though, but thats what I’m doing tomorrow- im finally actually having a meeting with them and getting to see the house before I move there, and ask questions and stuff. And my support worker says that if I say no I don’t have to go. But I really want to go if it really is what it says it is! OF COURSE I want to go to a therapy activity camp course that can hopefully help me conquer my anxiety faster! its just that well.. because i have ANXIETY, i cant help but frantically research on the internet and come to the worst conclusions and assume thats what’s gonna happen, and its all a scary scam... Anyway, at the moment all I know is that I won’t be locked up in there with no freedoms, and there will be other patients too and hopefully I can make friends maybe, but also im terrified I’ll make a bad impression and i’ll be the worst person there while everyone else progresses and I don’t.. gah...

But even if this place is wonderful and amazing and has zero scary asylum stuff, its still quite likely that I won’t have internet while I’m there, so i wont be able to keep in touch with you all. I can access limited internet on my phone but the browser cant even handle running youtube so im not gonna be as active. Also I cant afford a huge amount of mobile data and all. But I just hope I can indeed keep phone internet enough to be able to message my friends if I’m having a bad day and stuff. i dunno if any of you would even remember me if I vanished for half a year, lol... But like.. if you do still wanna be friends after not seeing me for ages, I really do wanna try and visit america and meet some of you guys! (and if I could afford it, I’d wanna visit other countries too, I’m just picking america first cos I speak the language and I know the most friends who live there) Oh and umm.. if I’m gonna be gone for a long time I probably will need stuff to help me keep calm and keep going and stuff. I save all the fanarts I get from my best friends, they really fill me with love! But I’d love if also maybe when I leave I might ask you guys if you could leave me a message maybe. like, if I can find some way i can get all the messages without reading them. And then if I’m ever having a big panic attack, i can read them then and hopefully it’ll help me feel better! (tho lol if i opened that up to anybody then that weird recurring anon hater might troll me, so I’d like to just reserve it to close friends maybe) Oh, or maybe I could ask you guys to leave me drawing requests or writing requests or memes and stuff that I can work on while I’m gone? I suck at knowing what to draw, after all. And I also suck at being super slow to finish drawing, so this way it all works out!

But umm yeah basically, I’ll know more tomorrow when i go to meet them and have a tour. And I;m really anxious but also kinda excited, I hope it really helps me! But I’m still anxious and.. aaa... I just had to vent a bit to try and stay calm so I make a good first impression. i bought some new clothes to wear and I’m making sure my hair dye is even, cos I didnt have enough time to un-dye it back to a presentable colour :P

Oh and umm... its VERY UNLIKELY, so please dont worry! I don’t want to spread my worry to my friends! But umm.. just in case of the worst case scenario. I was told this would just be a first meeting, its not an intervention, I wont be taken there immediately. And I will be allowed to choose if I go, and all. BUT UMM If I don’t message anyone by this time tomorrow, I guess I didnt come back. I REALLY think I’m just being paranoid and I’m not gonna be locked up in some terrible illegal false therapy place! BUT IF I AM THEN YEAH JUST IN CASE If I am not dead, I will post tomorrow! Even if I’m too stressed and anxious to talk about what happened, I’ll make a short post just to tell you all I’m okay. if I don’t, then things went wrong. BUT THEY WONT! BUT I’M STILL ANXIOUS ABOUT IT! God I’m such an idiot...

also, of course, like usual, I’m still WAY MORE ANXIOUS about being a social failure than I am about dying or being electroshocked in an asylum XD I’m so terrified I’m gonna mess up and make them hate me aaaa I hope it goes well and I get accepted! And I hope the place isnt scary and the course looks like its actually gonna help me, and stuff. I’m way more scared of it being a social gauntlet than the electroshocks ITS NOT GONNA BE THE ELECTROSHOCKS, STUPID BUNNI but aaaa I’d rather have those than have to meet so many strangers, fuckkkk I’ve vented it out so i feel less scared I ate a big fruit smoothie full of powerful energy so I will be strong enough, and I will make another smaller one tomorrow morninG! Or.. umm.. I might be too scared to sleep and just keep going on this one, lol! and I’ve been stewing on it for a month now so a lot of the stress is out and I wrote down a big long list of questions I wanna ask, and I’m gonna have a notebook to write down anything they say and I’m gonna try on my new clothes tonight and get prepared but AAAA I dont have any formal clothes, and I dont know if i should even try and look formal or if i should look like how im gonna look when I’m there the whole time and i dont know if i should try and look as much like a girl as I can for the next six months, or if I should be honest about being trans, or if thats gonna hurt my chances of being accepted or anything... I dont know if my support worker told them when she was filling out the forms... and I keep washing my face trying to make the acne go away aaaaa why am i cursed with eternity acne, why am i the pimply faced teen even into adulthood why am i such a terrible brain broken adult who needs intensive therapy to begin with how on earth can i make myself look presentable when they already know i’m so trash gahHHHHHHHH

[i-am-very-very-tired]

April says:JUNE 20, 2016 AT 2:04 PMREPLY

Relaxed4life says:AUGUST 4, 2016 AT 10:11 PMREPLY

Azarmiah says:OCTOBER 5, 2016 AT 8:05 AMREPLY

Amor Amankwah says:OCTOBER 8, 2016 AT 4:47 PMREPLY

Touche! Well said! You hit the nail on the head.

Preach it beee!! Amen and A. men!!

If your natural you know that those styles help reduce tangles i personally dont wear them no reason i havent masterd them as of yet and and doesnt take nothing nut humidity and a wash to get you back to its natural state. Hey check out this video by angel ikyg called black women natural hair its not a bashing video he gives good reasoning to go natural if u feel the same way after watching the video then keep getting relaxers by all means because its your hair have a good day

Dude I always felt the same way. You manipulating your hair to get your curls a certain way says a lot.

Seriously why be so negative? Some people don’t like curly hair or braids but prefer straight hair. Quite frankly some women don’t look good with either hair style. Yeah one can argue that a black woman can achieve straight hair with natural hair but do you know how much more damage will occur than by doing relaxers. If you actually read this woman’s blog you would see her hair is healthy and relaxed. So stop hair shaming and accept the fact that people can have different hair styles and still have healthy hair.

Monique Peterkin says:JANUARY 29, 2017 AT 4:44 PMREPLY

Exactly- this kind of thinking [shaming others hardcore because they have a different view period; be it hair, philosophy, belief, etc,] is and has been completely counterproductive, deleterious, and frankly, embarrassing. We are not a monolith*and there is no “real Black” mind or character. We really need to STOP IT. Where, oh where has it really gotten us as a people in the world? ##!% it.

Everything isn’t for everyone. I am relaxed and I’ve NEVER had anyone else’s hair in my head in my life. My hair is long (bra strap length) and healthy. I’ve never had a desire to go natural because I like the way my hair is when relaxed. My roller wraps and easy maintenance hair works for ME & my life & that my friend is how that works out. I will not apologize or be ashamed of MY choice for MY hair. I am team #CreamyCrack.

There are lots of things we do that aren’t ‘natural’. Do you wear make up? Thats not natural. When people wear braids the extensions they use aren’t natural. When people flat iron their natural hair thats not natural or when people wear weave and wigs over their natural hair- not natural either. Big Deal! People are so busy pointing the finger and telling other people what they should do or think that they don’t realise they are a bunch of hypocrites.

I disagree and can I give you an analogy and you may never agree but this is mine. People over time have used inventions to make their life easier doesn’t mean they don’t embrace their culture our heritage but they are doing things to.save time and effort. Ex. Pencil to typewriter to computer Records to cd to downloads For some not all healthy relaxed hair makes our lives more manageable and easier. I love natural hair but please respect me too and recognize that for me and my course hair it’s much easier.

Where “someone’s” hair means?? Oh pls… Its about time judging stopped!! Its the same hair ok? Jux that others prefer to relax it. And yes… Natural isnt for everyone means… Not everyone wants to keep their hair kinky or natural… Its jux hair ok!? Anyone has the right to do whatever!

Sometimes natural hair does not fit your personality or lifestyle. Its similar to how some people do not prefer their own hair color and choose to dye it.

I agree with you 100%. I think if it grows out your head it obviously is for you. lol Im natural and I don’t judge whether you make a decision to relax or not relax, i really don’t care what you do to your head. But what we’re not gonna do in these comments is say that natural “poofy” hair is “unprofessional”. That is the real issue. What is professional? Straight flat hair? I don’t like that stigma at all. And also side note, natural hair products typically are organic or healthy for your scalp most of the time. Relaxer literally burns your scalp and has your hair fall out if it’s in too long lol it can’t be that safe when used in the long term. But i’m not the one who is making the decision so who cares about my opinion anyway lol

Montia says:JUNE 12, 2016 AT 6:37 AM

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Hey Lauren,

I have been a home relaxer for years! Do you have any suggestions for beach hair or what to do to protect your hair at the pool? It’s vacation season so wanted a little product help!

Thanks Montia

Lauren says:JUNE 14, 2016 AT 9:35 AMREPLY

Hey!

I’ve heard that some women coat their hair with oil of deep conditioner before getting into the water – something about your hair soaking up the moisturizing product and not having enough room to soak up chlorinated water. Just be careful – wouldn’t want to have an obvious slick of oil behind you as you dunk in the water! If I know I’ll be in water a lot (i.e. vacation), I’ll put it into a protective style like Marley Twists or Box Braids. Hope that helps!

Pam says:MAY 30, 2016 AT 9:30 AM

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I’m so glad I read your post, I have been natural for 5’years now, I have seen some growth but not the amazing results that I expected. I also think my hair seemed much healthier when I had a relaxer, thank you for helping me realize that natural does not always mean better and since everyone’s hair is different you should do what works for you.

Fahyolah says:APRIL 11, 2016 AT 4:49 PM

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Wow. I came across this post and your first paragraph alone had me! I am sick and tired of everyone portraying relaxed hair as the culprit of all hair problems. There is a way to have healthy relaxed hair and I dislike when I am made to feel guilty about my decision to keep my hair relaxed (I’m not “ashamed” of my natural hair, I just prefer it straight). Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting such a rare opposition in a world filled with individuals shunning relaxed hair!

Mesha says:APRIL 27, 2016 AT 11:54 AMREPLY

Wow! Im going through this now. Havent relaxed my hair in almost a year and its coming out, dry and hard to manage. I honestly dont see what all the hype is about natural hair. I guess its personal choice and the type of hair you have. Some people make natural seem easy but then their hair grade is “naturally” nice! My hair is coarse, dry, thick yet brittle and I hate that. Call it what you want, im Europeanized whatever im not with that and love healthy looking moisturized hair, im getting a perm asap!!!

Faith says:APRIL 2, 2016 AT 5:57 PM

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I also tried to go the natural route… this is my second year now, but my hair was honestly healthiest when I used to relax it. Now my natural hair just sheds so much and is super dit. regardless of what I do to it. My mind is made as I take off my braids in relaxing it. And shall be proudly rocking it.

Abigail Mai. says:APRIL 1, 2016 AT 11:21 AM

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I know this post its old but I feel like I need to post a comment lol. I’ve been natural for three years but things are getting out of hand now, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m glad I found this blog. I’m planning to relax my hair tomorrow and get a pixie cut. I’m so nervous. Nice post! Your hair is gorgeous!

I am at my 3 year mark as well and I’m fed up..smh when yu relaxed what relaxer did you use.

Lauren says:APRIL 7, 2016 AT 10:25 AMREPLY

Tips & materials before you relax your hair at home Relax your hair at home, by yourself, the RIGHT way! Dr. Miracle’s Feel It Formula Thermalceutical Intensive No-Lye Relaxer (Regular Strength)

So how did it go? Reading these comments, I think I have made up my mind. After almost 10 yrs of being natural, I hate it. It takes me up to 3 hrs to straighten it and it still looks a hot mess and all I can do is pull it back. I was looking at my pictures from college and I loved the relaxed look. So much easier in my opinion and my hands and arms don’t feel like they are going to fall off. Any pointers? I’ll prob just go back to the olive oil relaxer.

Kiki says:MARCH 24, 2016 AT 11:54 PM

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Natural isn’t for everyone! My hair broke in the center and both sides while shedding everywhere else. So I cut it down to where it broke, half of my shoulder length hair, to start all over again. I did one Aphogee treatment, then a week later, hit it with ORS relaxer, problem solved! A year and a few months later, my hair is back down on my shoulders. I’ll never go natural ever again! Moisturizing shampoos & conditioners are a must!

Molly

says:FEBRUARY 28, 2016 AT 6:10 PM

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Hi! In 2010 my hair fell out, and I spent the next year-and-a-half in weaves. 18 months later I’m natural and my hair is at my shoulders. It was pretty when straight, but would not stay. It would not hold a style. So I get a relaxer, and my hair starts shedding badly. (The bad reactions were caused my coconut oil as it made my hair dry and brittle, but I just found that out a few months ago) then I get psoriasis from an autoimmune condition so bad my scalp bleeds. So for another two years I stop relaxers. My hair kept shedding and getting dryer( too much protien) finally I went back to relaxers but only to loosen the curl. Now my styles stay. I’m still shedding from a chronic illness and the protien, but my hair is bra band length. Yesterday I went to a new salon, doctors orders, and the stylist said my “natural hair” is so healthy! And that I should let it all go natural. Well, none of it is natural! My ends are just straight because of a bad beautician. I relax my hair every four or so months to loosen the tightness and I love this method. Even the white girls raved after the beautician finished styling it. My hair when straight looks exactly like brand new weave, and I missed that when natural. I mean I could get it just as silky but it wouldn’t stay.. So texlaxsing is my ne strategy.

Lauren says:APRIL 5, 2016 AT 10:45 AMREPLY

I’m so glad you were able to find something that works for you , even with those challenges!

CAH says:FEBRUARY 8, 2016 AT 7:41 PM

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I’ve been natural off and on for over 10 years. This weekend I just texlaxed my hair because I wanted versatility. I wanted to be able to straighten my hair without all the excessive heat used when pressing natural hair but I also wanted to have a little texture left so I can still do my wash n’ go’s. It’s sad that we have to justify how we choose to wear our hair.

Deva says:FEBRUARY 2, 2016 AT 11:13 AM

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Thanks for this. I’ve never felt threatened with the thought of going natural. I’m texlaxed and have been my whole life. I can honestly say that although i enjoy the look of natural hair, I don’t have time for the maintenance. My relaxer has done me well and I’ll keep that chemical in my head for as long as I can.

Micah says:JANUARY 15, 2016 AT 9:13 AM

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I have been free from the creamy crack for 8 years but today I’m so over it I was frustrated with my hair was about to make an appointment for my hairdresser and I’m just like I’m so tired of this and then I said wait what am I trying to prove I’m going to go get me a relaxer and that’s exactly what I’m going to do! MY QUESTION is what relaxer should I use???? since it’s been so long I don’t want my hair to fall out

SincerelyAlexisJ

says:JANUARY 13, 2016 AT 5:16 AM

REPLY

Omg , I’m so upset that I just found this post . But I’m extremely happy at the same time ! This post and all the comments made me realize that it’s okay to keep my relaxed hair and not feel bad about it because everybody’s on this natural kick! I had THICK just above my shoulder length hair all my life(I’m 25 now). In August , I noticed my hair just wouldn’t get bone straight anymore when I relaxed it , went through 3 different perms and it just wouldn’t get straight. And because I have such thick and hard to manage hair, it would look like I still needed a perm. So I let my sister in law talk me into going natural(SMH!). The first two times she washed and flat ironed my hair(two weeks apart) , it looked nice . Then it kind of went down hill from there . My hair became SUPER thick , the thickest I had ever seen it before , I could not comb through it , it wouldn’t lay down , it was super dry no matter what I would put on it , etc . Then I noticed that when she would flat iron it , it started looking thinner and thinner.

Towards the ending of November I noticed the back of hair completely broke off ! My mom and I were so upset with what was going on with my hair so by the end of December , I decided to go back to my perms. I permed my hair for the first time since August on January 4th(last Thursday) and while I was in the shower A LOT of my hair was coming out in clumps. Not big clumps , but still they were noticeable clumps. After my protein treatment and deep conditioner , I blow dried my hair and saw that my hair had broken off in the middle of my head as well , not as bad as the back though. Also , when I was “natural” , when I would TRY to comb it , a lot of hair would be let left in the comb.

I’m very inclined to believe that all that heat that was being put on my hair caused a lot of damage, as well as it being soo dry. So I have to admit while I was natural that is when I noticed my hair started to fall out.

What do you think I should do to get it back healthy and growing again ? I’ve always had thick and dry hair and I’ve always done deep conditioners every week to retain the moisture , so I know that’s a given. But what else? Please help me , I’m miss my hair so much!

Adetomi says:MARCH 5, 2016 AT 7:36 PMREPLY

Cut the hair and start over. That’s the only way

Alexis says:JANUARY 13, 2016 AT 5:12 AM

REPLY

Omg , I’m so upset that I just found this post . But I’m extremely happy at the same time ! This post and all the comments made me realize that it’s okay to keep my relaxed hair and not feel bad about it because everybody’s on this natural kick! I had THICK just above my shoulder length hair all my life(I’m 25 now). In August , I noticed my hair just wouldn’t get bone straight anymore when I relaxed it , went through 3 different perms and it just wouldn’t get straight. And because I have such thick and hard to manage hair, it would look like I still needed a perm. So I let my sister in law talk me into going natural(SMH!). The first two times she washed and flat ironed my hair(two weeks apart) , it looked nice . Then it kind of went down hill from there . My hair became SUPER thick , the thickest I had ever seen it before , I could not comb through it , it wouldn’t lay down , it was super dry no matter what I would put on it , etc . Then I noticed that when she would flat iron it , it started looking thinner and thinner.

Towards the ending of November I noticed the back of hair completely broke off ! My mom and I were so upset with what was going on with my hair so by the end of December , I decided to go back to my perms. I permed my hair for the first time since August on January 4th(last Thursday) and while I was in the shower A LOT of my hair was coming out in clumps. Not big clumps , but still they were noticeable clumps. After my protein treatment and deep conditioner , I blow dried my hair and saw that my hair had broken off in the middle of my head as well , not as bad as the back though. Also , when I was “natural” , when I would TRY to comb it , a lot of hair would be let left in the comb.

I’m very inclined to believe that all that heat that was being put on my hair caused a lot of damage, as well as it being soo dry. So I have to admit while I was natural that is when I noticed my hair started to fall out.

What do you think I should do to get it back healthy and growing again ? I’ve always had thick and dry hair and I’ve always done deep conditioners every week to retain the moisture , so I know that’s a given. But what else? Please help me , I’m miss my hair so much!

Niquole Abram

says:JANUARY 13, 2016 AT 12:01 AM

REPLY

I love this post so much! One of my coworkers was formally relaxed and is now natural and for her it was the best thing ever. For me on the other hand, I know I will relax until I can no longer relax my hair. I’ve had it done since I was at least 8 years old, I’m 27 and I love how my hair looks after.

I took over the reins when I was 12 and can now apply it in less than 7 minutes. I may have timed it a few times… Haha! It’s so much easier to manage as well. I can tell when it’s almost time because I notice it’s harder to comb thru or brush in general and to wash. Once it’s been relaxed, I’m golden!

I spend less time fussing over my hair with it relaxed than if I were to go natural. I’m half black so I think my natural hair texture would be a 3c/4b combination? Afterwards it relaxes to a 2b wavy/surly texture if that. I have flat iron and a blow dryer although I can’t work the blowdryer to save my life and the Flatiron may used once or twice a month to check on my length or do a trim.

I’m determined to prove that just because my hair is relaxed, does not mean I can’t have long and healthy hair. I’m on my way to hip length right now, it was at chin length about 2 years ago and now it’s down to just past my bra strap.

When I tell people that my hair is actually relaxed their jaws drop, a reaction I will never get tired of! What I do to lessen the damage of the relaxer that inevitably gets on the length is I’ll coat that portion of my hair with coconut oil. It seems to provide a bit of a barrier between my hair and relaxer so it doesn’t damage the previously relaxed hair as much. Also with my last relaxer, I did a henna treatment that next day. My roots felt like normal.

You know after a relaxer your roots fill a bit of dry even a little straw like? After doing the henna it felt perfectly fine! I’ve noticed that weird texture seems to go away within a week or so and the henna treatment seem to speed up that process so I think I’ll do henna after I do my relaxer as well.

jada says:DECEMBER 20, 2015 AT 10:39 PM

REPLY

What do You do if You have a lot of Breakage an shedding? I haven’t had a perm in 2 months but i’m thinking about getting a perm because i want my hair to be straight an healthy. Do you have anything like Products to recommend for breakage, shedding and promoting hair growth ?

Chaka Khan

says:DECEMBER 16, 2015 AT 12:58 PM

REPLY

Thank you so much, I am a year and a half out with natural hair and I hate it. I agree it takes to long to get it how I like it and I feel it was much healthier, when I permed it. It grew much faster. I will be switching back after the first of the year. Thank you again for all the tutorials.

Kalisha Adams says:DECEMBER 9, 2015 AT 9:33 AM

REPLY

your hair is amazing and keep up the good work!

Lauren says:JANUARY 7, 2016 AT 12:11 PMREPLY

Thanks girl =)

V-Yella Westcoast

says:DECEMBER 2, 2015 AT 10:03 PM

REPLY

I agree with Lauren, you can have healthy straight relaxed hair. Straight hair is easier to manage.

[crazykendal]

The Most Personal Ive Ever Been

Please dont read this

Who was the last person you took a picture with?


I made a video with my sister a few nights ago

Do you have a younger sister?


two

Did anything “cute” happen today?

Haha no, like always

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby?


I accidentally called my friend Morgan babe once haha I got to see her today for the first time in months

What woke you up this morning?

My alarm clock

Does anyone know your personal tumblr password? 


Surely a lot of people know because it’s really simple

Who last made you smile?


This guy

Do you have a bad temper? 


Seriously I have anger issues, of course

Who’s the last person you argued with?


Honestly.. Myself. I kept telling myself how dumb and stupid I was, something new

Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now?


yeah

Do you speak your mind all the time or hold things in?


I used to speak my mind a lot to people I cared about. I won’t anymore because it’s kind of regrettable sometimes.

Do you believe that you can change for someone?


Yeah of course, it’ll kill you not being yourself with a mask like that but whatever, maybe they’ll like your fake self more..? Who the fuck knows

Who was the last male you talked to, other than family?

My frienndd.. Yeah

When was the last time you flew in a plane?

Never

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?

Chloe Price is inspiring but I do not want a full sleeve tat.. So no

Do you find tattoos attractive in the opposite/same sex?

Depends, a lot is too much

What do you want right this second?

To find out who’s gonna be in my classes, seriously that’s all I need

What’s the last thing you touched, other than your computer?

My rubberbands on my arm

How do you feel about girls smoking?

Haha here have some lung cancer

Do you prefer the ocean or pool?

pool.

Are you outgoing or more shy?

Depends on who im with. I’m really crazy and annoying with some friends and i’m more serious with others, or just awkward and dorky with others.

Are you wearing jeans right now?


no

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Depends on who

When was the last time someone held your hand?

The other day, but it was my sister lol

Whose jacket did you wear last?

my own.

Is there something you’re looking forward to?

no

Can you commit to one person?

Of course

Are you a mean person?

Yeah, I should probably be taking medication for it

Has a guy/girl sat on your bed before?

both

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?


Nope we’re always chasin that paradiseeeee

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

My expectations? All the time!

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

I never am and it’s always getting me down but whatever I’ll just sit here on the floor

Is your room ever clean?

sometimes

How often do you listen to music?

It’s something i’ve grown to need. I have to listen to it or i’ll go insane or kill someone. (im listening to music now) ~keep daydreaming~

Are you one to start the conversation?

Yeah, I’ve realized that, so if anyone has been wondering why they haven’t talked to me in awhile it’s because I’ve figured that i’m probably annoying or something.

What’s your relationship with the person you last texted?


We were kinda.. Friends last year not really (I kinda used her.. Sorry not sorry)

Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground and carry you?

No, but I can do that with people

Are you a couple with the last person you kissed on the lips?

Haha nope

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

shorts

Are you wearing a ring, if so who gave it to you?

Don’t own one

How many people have you had strong romantic feelings for?

Haha one, but fuck that

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?

Yeah, I did once when it was a full moon, it was pretty neat

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

no

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?

no

What was the last thing you licked?

my lips

Last time you laughed?

About 30 minutes ago

Were you intoxicated the last time you threw up?

Sure wasn’t

What are you doing tomorrow?

I have to go to school and were having a stupid dance afterwards

Who was the last person to make you mad?

White supremacists

What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?

Spiderman Homecoming with my dad and sister

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?

Technically yes, but it wasn’t their fault?

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?

Kind of haha, now that ive looked back, theres things a lot of those people have in common

Do you care too much about your appearance?

yeah

What are you listening to at the moment?

La devoteeeeeeeeee

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week?

Haha i’m no hoe

Is there anyone you want to come see you?

Yeah, but at the same time I wish I never saw them again

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?

kinda…

Who was the first person you talked to today?

My mom

Will this week be a good one?

I’m gonna end it good

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?

No I bought Gta V again and I got Life Is Strange Episode One

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

no

Next time you will kiss someone on the cheek or forehead?

I’m going to die before that thought crosses my mind

Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy?

Doesn’t matter

Be honest, are you starting to gain feelings towards anyone?

Omg this guy in my math class who sits behind me, but i kinda maybe liked him last year haha

Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Sometimes.. Not usually a lot.

You’re single, right?

Some people think i’m not but i’m not saying anything

Excited for anything?

yesss

What do you have pierced?

no

The person/people of the opposite sex you truly care about needs you at 3am, would you go?

maybeee

How’s your heart lately?

Broken and whole

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?

No ive got schoool

How old will you be in 14 months?

15 woot woot

What is the next thing you will probably buy?

Life Is Strange: Episodes 2, 3, and 4 or preorder the new Life Is Strange: Before The Storm Deluxe Edition.

Do you think girls deserve more respect?

Yeah, were treated like trash

Explain your relationship status?

I seem taken but dood idk

What’s on your bedroom floor right now?

My carpet :)

Is there a girl that you would do absolutely anything for?

apart from family, nearly anything.

Aw cmon, maybe like 2 months ago maybe. Not anymore.

Who was the last person you saw, besides family?

My neighbors

Has anyone of the opposite sex hurt you emotionally?

maybe

Would you rather be stuck in the pouring rain, or in a snowstorm?

rainrainrain

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

6

Can you swim well?

sure

What makes you mad about girls?

All the cute ones are straight

What makes you mad about guys?

Why are they all f boys, seriously

Have you ever been given roses?

no

Biggest pet peeve?

People who keep telling me what to do

Are you texting anyone at this moment?

I just was

Are promises important to you?

Yes, I never tell people to promise me but I always trust people. I can’t anymore because one of my friends told someone something about me so I have major trust issues now! Yayyyy

What were you doing at midnight last night?

sleeping

What do you think of Valentine’s day?

Stupid af

Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?

Nah I don’t care

What’s more important in a relationship trust or happiness?

TRUST. no trust I can’t love yah

What’s a nickname you go by?

None because NO unless certain reasons

How do you calm down when you’re extremely angry?

Panic! At The Disco’s emperors new cloths on repeat, which i’m doing right now and i’m not mad but it helps a lot

Do you like the beach?

I used to a lot

Do you ever apologize first?

Yeah because that’s after I realize I just yell at people.

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?

He’s my dad so strong connection?

Why aren’t you happy?

Depression actually runs in my family and i’m not mentally well so that’s cool How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries?

nah

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?

My dad

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed on the lips?

Well technically no because I never had or ever will

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?

Me, and a ton of people

What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?

Seeing friends

Where is the boy you want most?

Oh boi I don’t know at this point

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?

I lost my bestfriend, but my old one? All the time when she was little haha

Are you wearing makeup right now?

Just washed my face so no

Is your hair up or down right now?

Down forever and then the rest of the Now Or Never lyrics

How many months until your birthday?

4 months til im 15, I can just hear that stupid 15 taylor swift song

Do you like falling asleep to the sound of the rain?

yes

Who was the last person who gave you advice?

My mom

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

I never am dude

Do you have feelings for someone?

Kinda? Not really because i’ve basically killed my heart at this point

What are you planning on doing after this survey?

sleep

What’s something you really want right now, be honest?

If I were always myself and being honest I would say but i can’t

Is there a guy that knows everything about you?

No, not one. No ones knows everything about me, not even me at this point.

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?

I am right now so haha

What was the reason behind the last time you cried?

Can’t remember

Are you secretly in love with someone?

I used to be? What? How? Never again? Yeah haha fuck me

Will you be in a relationship in the next month?

Dunno but I can’t say no

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 21?

My sisters

Would you ever dye you hair black?

no

Do you have a best friend?

Used to

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?

My dad?

Who was the last person to wave at you?

A girl who I kinda know

Is there anything bothering you right now?

yeah

What color shirt are you wearing?

white.

Who was the last person you hugged?

My cat

Is there anyone in particular that you’re missing right now?

Not anymore but maybe

Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year?

yes

Do you miss the way things used to be?

Yes but things have changed maybe for the better

Is any part of you sad at all?

My whole life, yes

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Doubt it, most people forget about me so what fucking ever

Do you like anyone at the moment?

Nah not really

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?

Funny you say that If never kissed a soul on this planet and based on my guesses on how long im gonna life I say I never will

Who was the last person to call you?

friends

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?

Water

Are you scared of spiders?

no

What are your plans for this weekend?

I’m gonna get a laptop and maybe get Life Is Strange if I can convince my dad to buy it

Ever been swimming in a lake or river?

both

What did you last buy?

stuff

What’s irritating you right now?

I’m waiting for something

Are you listening to music right now?

Halsey’s Hurricane at its finest

Do you like Chinese food?

sure

What is the last movie you saw in theaters?

Spiderman homecoming, tom holland is adorable

Was this the best year of your life?

No, but it was my luckiest

First and last name of your very best friend?

none

What was going through your mind during your last kiss?

WHY THE FUCK DO ALL THE SURVEYS I PICK INCLUDE KISSING STOOOOOP

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?  

No but definitely daydreams. I started daydreaming like crazy last year and it’s destroying me. I think its called maladaptive daydreams? Not sure but it’s crazzzzzzzzzzzzy

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?  

haha yeah, it almost feels physical

Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?

Nah cuz I dont have either

What did you do yesterday?  

First day of school

What time did you go to bed at and when did you wake?

I went to bed at 10 and woke up at 6

If the last person you dated said they were in love with you, what would you say?

Who are you

What places have you been to today?

school

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?

Not really

Do you like long hugs?

yes

What mood are you in right now?

idk

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?

yeah

When was the last time you sang an entire song?

2 days ago

Last person you texted?

My dad, don’t worry I have no friends :)

Latest you stayed up in the past week?

Maybe like 11

Have you been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?

No never had to go to the er before

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?

I hope so

What did you have for dinner last night?

I didn’t have anything

Are you wearing matching socks?

yes

Do you know how to read music?

no

Do you get nervous when someone is angry and yelling around you?

I get mad and then I get mad at myself which isn’t good

Who did you make plans with today?

Myself and my schedule

What smell reminds you most of summer?

Heat? Could that be a smell? Or chlorine

When in a car and you’re at a stop light or something, do you look at people?

no

Do you plan on moving soon?

no

Have you ever said something and then regretted saying it after?

Ah my whole life summed up

How many piercings do you have?

none

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

depends

When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?

Funny you ask, probably lgbtqia+ pride stuff

How long does it take you to shower?

I never know

Explain why you last threw up?

Stomach flu

What’s the opposite sex form of your name?

kendal

Have you ever lost contact with someone you wish you didn’t?

Ehh no and yes

Did you talk to a complete jerk today?

probably

Is the last person you kissed more than a year older than you?

nope

What do you think of Lady Gaga?

I love her

What’s the most important part of a relationship in your opinion?

Love, respect, and TRUST

What time are you waking up tomorrow?

four

Are you currently reading a book?

No but I will on October 3rd

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

I’m listening to 100 letters awww yeahhhh, Idk

Do you have any piercings?

no

Were you single on your last birthday?

yes

Have you ever spent the night at a boy’s house?

probably

When was the last time you felt honestly broken?

Sometime in may like maybe the 16th

Are you craving something?

no

Are you thinking of someone right now?

I always am

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?

noooooooooooooooo

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I know someone who does

When was the last time you stayed up late because you were talking to someone?

Sometime in January

Have you had a good day today?

sure

Is there any chance you will kiss the last person you kissed again?

nope

Do you still talk to the last person you made out with?

Woah what..?? Haha

Are you wearing socks right now?

yes

Is your birthday on a holiday?

no

Can you make a dollar in change right now?

no

Have you ever been out past curfew?

I don’t have one yet

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?

Ew no

Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Never have

When was the last time that you consumed alcohol?

never

Who was the last person to cook dinner?

my mom

How many people have told you they were in love with you?

No one

How often do you wear necklaces?

Everyday

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

Yep, I plan on it

Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Of course

Do you tend to make things complicated?

always

Would you be happier if life had a rewind button?

READY FOR THE MOSH PIT, SHAKA BRAH

MAX CAULFIELD I LOVEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Have you ever stayed up with someone of the opposite sex for a whole night just talking?

Texting? yeah

Where was your profile picture taken?

At a shopping outlet in Oregon with my sister

Are you counting down for anything?

STAR WARS EPISODE 8!

How often do you drink energy drinks?

never

Do you ignore people when you’re mad/upset with them?

Not really

Have you ever dyed your hair?

no

Are you an emotional person?

I didn’t used to be

Are you nice to everyone?

Of course not

Have you had any relationships this year?

no

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

yes

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Both

What feature do you usually get most complimented on?

Eyes or my hair haha

What do you usually order on a pizza?

pepperoni

When did your power last go out?

years ago

What would you order if you went to McDonald’s right now?

nothing

Are you obsessed with anything?

CHLOE ELIZABETH PRICE

Do you have long nails?

no

What flavor of toothpaste do you use?

mint

How many posters do you have in your bedroom?

A lotttttttt

Do you buy birthday cards or make them?

Make them

Is there a TV show that you watch every day?

no

Do you eat your pizza crust?

Yeah dude

What do you spend the majority of your money on?

Video games

What is the worst pain that you’ve experienced?

Heart break

Does your bedroom door lock?

no

What is one thing you will never understand?

People’s thoughts

[pbandjesse]

It snowed today! Its actually still snowing! I love it. It makes me feel like Im back in minneapolis and its all quiet and it smells good and it makes me really happy. I hope it keeps snowing and doesnt stop. I already have off tomorrow, but I want it to keep snowing then too. Im not over watching it yet. 

It was a really nice thing to wake up to. I couldnt fall asleep for a long time last night though.  It was a mix of wishing to see the snow and that I have an ulcer on my gums that was hurting me real bad. Its not so bad today but it for sure made going to sleep hard. 

But I slept alright once I was asleep. And I woke up to snow!! I didnt want to open the curtains at first. I was nervous it wasnt going to be amazing and I would be bummed. But James came in and said it was great and I was super pleased. 

James made me pancakes and I got dressed and felt real cute. I was very bundled up. I decided it was the perfect day to wear the big sweater Steve got me for christmas. Im saying this like I dont wear it every night. But still! I was very cozy. And James liked my headband. I felt very cute. 

After pancakes and a little bit of animal crossing, we would just be enjoying watching the snow. But James wanted to go for a walk and I wanted to go out too. So we got very bundled and off we went. 

We walked down the middle park. We were sort of walking towards the wind so it was a little hard to see. But I felt all bundled and cute and soft. Everything was beautiful. It was also just fun to talk to James about minneapolis. And he threw a snowball at me and that was very silly. It was such a nice time. 

I started to get a little overheated as we walked so we headed back home. 

We got home and there was a package! It was a boardgame James got for us. We were both all snowy and damp though. So we got dried off and warmed up. 

I felt really tired after being outside though. I would chill on the couch for a while. James would work on figuring out if the dentist we go to takes our new insurance (they do!). And I would migrate to the studio to lay down. 

James took some pictures for the instagram because he's great. And I would eat pasta and not feel very well for about an hour. 

That bad feeling eventually passed though. James decided to go on a long walk to his parents, to get some exercise and enjoy the snow a bit more. And I got to be alone and work on art for a few hours. 

I made a new pattern for a bunny stuffed animal. I have some requests to try a few other things too, so Im going to try those this week. But we stuck to bunny today. Comfort zone. I also worked on my digital drawing and while the proportions are a little off I am really happy with it still. 

James let me know when he was on his way back. And it was nice to have him back here safe and warm. 

We would eventually play the new game. It was fun but I will need more time to understand all the parts. Its a detective game and its neat. Very well made too. James would make me soup and a grilled cheese for dinner. And eventually I would go dye my hair while he made cookies. 

He had trivia with his friends and I would play with my skates for a little bit before I washed my hair. Which was a whole thing. 

I took a bath after that. My throat has been hurting all day and that is frustrating. But it didnt take away how happy I felt and feel. 

It is almost time for bed. I dont have to go to work tomorrow. And Im just really happy about that. I hope it keeps snowing and you all have a great night tonight. 

Sleep well everyone! Take care of yourselves!

[pbandjesse]

I dont know why I am so emotional. I feel a lot better right now but yeah. Emotional!!I slept okay last night though. I woke up a few times but in general it was a good sleep. 

My alarm went off at 8 and I just laid with James for a long while. We did get up eventually. I got a shower and got dressed. Felt cute. James and me changed the sheets and made the bed. Its nice to have clean sheets on the bed. James made me a grilled cheese for breakfast and we hung out in the dungeon. I wanted to leave so early to go to the dermatologist. 

But I also knew I shuoldnt leave until 11 because that was already early. So at some point I was just wandering around the apartment and chasing sweetP. And that wasted enough time that it was time to go.

 I had a good drive out there. Its a big hospital and I was curious how this was going to go. And honestly it was fine. I got to the door and they did my temperature and told me what floor to go to. Very simple. I waited in the waiting room and enjoyed a podcast. 

And soon enough I was called back. The nurse who took me in was very sweet. She told me I was cute when she asked me how tall I was and I said I usually say 5ft in the morning. Made her laugh. And then when she finished taking my blood pressure she asked if I was single because my blood pressure was so good and I said no, I just have a good partner at home. She made me feel very comfortable. And the doctor was nice. But I did end up crying by the end of the appointment. So basically my options are limited. I was hoping for a pill but the side effects are to bad. I didnt want to do an injectable again. But there isnt really anything else. Like yes topicals, but i am already using the strongest kind. She recommended I try phototherapy. And I am down for that. But then she left the room for a few minutes and I was like. Maybe I should do injectables again. And she made some comments about psoriasis just being cosmetic and then I felt really confused because its not?? Its painful and makes my life actively harder. And then she said she didnt really like prescribing injectables for psoriasis and I was just kind of defeated. But we decided I would go home and think it over, but in the meantime she gave me a few direct injections to spots  that wont heal. And put in a contact for the phototherapy outreach. But I dont know what will happen. It was just. A lot. 

And I felt weird after. Very weak. Upset. I sat in the parking lot and called James because I needed some support. And it made me feel a little better. But I thought I should just. Drive. And thats what I did. I drove around for like 3 hours. I stopped at savers and wandered around there. Got a couple little things. Found wildly expensive things for a thrift store?? But it was nice just wandering around. 

I drove in one direction for an hour. Turned. Drove another hour. But I was feeling tired and started heading home. I stopped at whole foods but they didnt have anything I wanted so I got back on the road. I stopped at Burger King, and the girl who took my order told me I was gorgeous and that just made my day. She was also super pretty so it made me feel extra good.

 I got home and had my burger and opened all the windows. I ate my food and soon I got on a call with Jess and we discussed ordering packaging for our store. And then we played animal crossing for a while. It was nice. 

After I got off the call with Jess I went and dyed my hair. I worked on embroidery. I continued to work on fixing my shoes. Because of the shape of the shoes I have to do it in sections. I hope it works. Once the sun went down I took a bath. I washed the dye out of my hair. And now I am hanging out in the living room. Waiting for James to come home. I am hoping tomorrow to work on more store stuff. Photographing all the small stuff. It helps my guilt to feel like I am accomplishing something. I hope I sleep well tonight. And that tomorrow is a better day. For all of us. Goodnight everyone. Sleep well. 

[pbandjesse]

I am chilly. But I am wearing two sweaters and Im hanging out on the couch and Im feeling good. Today was a nice day off. I wish it was longer but I still had a good day. 

Last night was tough though. After I did my post I had my workshop and that went well. But it was a really hard night after that. The theater show went so poorly. A child ran on stage and broke some stuff. Someone accidentally turned off the master lights and I didnt know what was happening and the whole thing was just. Really bad. We didnt even come out from behind the stage we were all so embarrassed. And the kids werent being nice, the little kids were but the big kids were being terrible. So that made the night. Not ideal and I was pretty upset when James came and got me. 

He made me a sandwich before we went to bed. I didnt slept so great. I woke up a lot. And then at 830 I was up and very much didnt want to be. But for most of the previous hour the sun was so bright and hot and I was so upset about it. James put a bed sheet up and that helped. But I am going to have to pull out the black out curtain I have somewhere. Im not sure where they are but I have them somewhere. 

James left for work and I laid there for a while. But I had stuff to do. I needed to deep clean in here. And I wanted to dye my hair. So thats what I did first. Brushed the dye into my hair. And started cleaning. The vaccum wasnt charged enough so I just worked on other cleaning thing for a half hour until I could start rinsing my hair. 

Rinsing in cold water in rough. But I did that as long as I could. Then took an actual shower. I like late morning showers because the sun comes in the window so nice and makes it pretty. But soon I was clean and dressed with half dried hair. And ready to go out.

I was in a weird mood. My face has a rash again and it hurts. So I wanted to get something to help that while I was out. 

I got upset with google because it took me the toll route on the GPS. Even though I said not too. I wouldnt make that mistake on the way home. 

I got to target. I stuck to my list! I did buy one little wall hanging. But everything else was on the list and that was excellent. I had trouble finding hand sanitizer though and was getting upset about it. But eventually I found it and was ready to go home. 

I stopped for a sandwich. I waited until I was home to eat. When I got back here I unpacked everything and had my food and felt kind of tired. But first I cleaned. 

I did the bathroom. And I vaccumed. I made it nice in here. I fed the frog and moved the second clutch of eggs my snails have produced. Its a lot more eggs this time!! I still dont know if they are going to hatch but they made a very weird sound when I moved them. So well see. 

I eventually did lay down. But I didnt sleep. I just watched a video and played animal crossing. I dozed a little. But I felt stressed about people coming over to play DND. So I couldnt rest. 

I got up at 330 and kept cleaning. Organized. Tried to fix the table leg of the coffee table in James's room. I moved the furniture around to make more space for chairs in the living room. Moved that table in here so we could play easier. And then James was here!  Hello James. 

He told me about his day while I put my furbies back together. And the Gaby was here! And other friends came too. Still not the whole group but we still had fun. We got fae gifts from the merfolk and I am now cursed to talk in rhymes. Which I dont know how to do so Im a little frustrated about it. But I have a few weeks to try to come up with more of a plan. 

We played for two hours and then everyone started heading out. Kaitlyn and Gaby stayed behind a little and I showed them some art and toys and stuff. It was fun to have people here. But I was glad to have some time alone again. 

Soon James was home. I was making dinner. I made ramen with mushrooms. And it was very good. But now we are sitting in the living room. I am going to go wash my face and play animal crossing for a little and get some sleep. 

I have a good long day tomorrow. I hope you all sleep good and stay healthy. Goodnight. 

[pbandjesse]

I dont feel so great. I dont know whats up but yeah. Im not feeling 100 right now. But today was a good day and while I didnt accomplish everything I did do a lot of the stuff I wanted and needed to do. 

I slept okay. I woke up kind of cold but that was alright. I laid in bed and played on my phone for a while. But I got out of bed around 930. I took a shower. I got dressed. I felt pretty good actually. But I was lonely. I wanted James to be home. But he was at a dentist appointment and then the restaurant. Mr Will would come by a little after 11 to fix a few things and give us a new shower head. We have one that detached now so thats pretty neat. Going to make it easier to dye my hair and clean the tub. He tried to chase sweetP around the apartment to pet him and that was funny. But soon I was alone again. 

Not for long though. Because James got sent home. The govener declared all restaurants and movie theaters and things like that would be closed at 5 so they started to send people home. He might be able to do some delivery but were not sure yet. I was glad to have him home. 

The situation is still light in our immediate area. But as of a few hours ago a girl in her 20s in baltimore was the newest confirmed case. Im a girl in their 20s in baltimore!! So Im extra glad James is home now.I dont need him bringing something home to me. Because of the two of us I am more likely to get sick. 

I was reading about Typhoid Mary earlier and how much she denied being a carrier. How she just kept going on her normal life despite all the people getting sick around her. And it reflected a lot of what Im seeing now. Also it turns out James's best friend Even is related to her so thats pretty funny. 

James was home soon enough though and that was nice but he was very stressed. I told him he couldnt just mope and so we both made lists of things we wanted to accomplished. But the first thing I had to do was a conference call with work.  

And that went fine once we all got on. The thing we used had a drawing feature so I drew while I waited and then everyone else came and we figured out some stuff. Im still a little stressed but its fine. I got some work done. Made an idea list. Tomorrow I will get more done. 

Me and James did some organizing of the closet today. Made a box of elctronics that need to be recycled. Worked on our plaster. Went to the park. Took our mattress off the bed and turned it around. It was a nice day. We accomplished a lot. 

I laid down and watched a scary video for an hour. I took a bath. We had quesadillas for dinner. I started not feeling great. 

Honestly Im mostly just tired. I am going to just play around on my phone for a while and go to sleep. Tomorrow I will work on a lesson plan and clean. We need to do taxes. Well figure that out. I hope you are all having a great quarantine. Wash your hands even at your house!!!