#i recently interacted with someone who was extremely explosive and manipulative

[khaire-traveler]

It can be extremely difficult to take constructive criticism, but it's imperative that you work on making yourself a safe person to criticize. People need to know that if they come to you with constructive criticism, you're not gonna explode on them with volatility or start shitting on yourself (which puts them in the uncomfortable position of then having to comfort you). If you act like that, then it's going to be incredibly difficult to maintain healthy relationships of any kind. Communication is key; constructive criticism is part of communication. Be open to the idea that you can be wrong and have things you need to work on, or that you can be wrong and not be the worst person on the planet.

[saltedpeppermintmocha]

into the night (bakugou x reader) - chapter 4/?

Summary:

You were born to die.

It is a fact you’ve known since your quirk first manifested, and one you have been denying for just as long. You refuse your supposed fate and try to live the best life you can while remaining undetected.

But maybe fate has another plan. A chance encounter on a mountainside changes your life forever.

Chapter One

MATURE : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT // 18+

The day feels almost dramatically longer than normal. You love your dad and really should be relishing the time you get to spend with him, but your brain is elsewhere the entire time. It swirls with the urge to do more research, to try and figure out who exactly the blond is and why he was here. Especially if he posed any sort of threat to the small town, or if this was a sign of more heroes arriving. Unfortunately, being with Dad meant you couldn’t risk looking him up. It just wasn’t worth the risk of him seeing your phone.

So the day drags on until Dad leaves for his weekly ‘game night’ with the other older men of the village. He offers for you to join, but you wave him off and say that you’ll meet him at home. You remember being forced to go as a kid - at least until he was comfortable leaving you with someone else - and absolutely hating it. A bunch of men drinking, playing card games, and reciting awful jokes was never your style. Or you thought so anyway, but you seem to be spending many similar nights at Naoko’s bar.

There is a bit of extra time before the call with Naoko, so you pop into a nearby restaurant and grab some food to take home. You chat lightly with the man behind the counter, someone you knew vaguely from school, grab your food, and head out. One hand occupied with the bag, you use the other to reopen your search on your phone on the hero. You click the first article that comes up.

The article is dated from about three weeks ago and has a small paragraph at the top which spoke of a villain attack on the western side of Musutafu. Directly underneath it is a slideshow of photos. The first few showcase a rather vicious-looking villain destroying a small street. They seem to have some sort of mutant quirk along with...crystal manipulation? You wonder at the crystals surrounding the villain for a moment before swiping further. The next photo turns out to be a video. You hit play.

It’s a shaky amateur video, probably taken from someone's cellphone, with no sound. The camera follows an explosion in the distance quickly getting closer. The man you now know as Ground Zero appears on the scene almost impossibly fast, sending concrete flying around him as he lands in an explosion. The video ends there. You swipe to the next video. This one seems to be taken from above, out the window of a nearby high-rise building. Ground Zero fights from the air, held afloat by explosions. He calls out to another hero fighting on the ground. The distance is too far to see anything of the other hero other than the colour red. The video stops. You swipe to the next. The last part of the slideshow is a photo. Ground Zero isn’t in it at all, but the villain has been defeated. The red man from before is shown placing cuffs on the villain.

The actual article doesn’t have much information on Ground Zero. Actually, it doesn’t speak of the explosive hero much at all. If you hadn’t seen the pictures, you wouldn’t think he was a big part of the fight. The most the article speaks of is the destruction he caused at the site. The other hero - Red Riot apparent - takes the spotlight in the article, as it goes on about his numerous accomplishments and motivational words. It seems a bit unfair, truthfully.

By the time you have read through the article, you make it home safely. You hang up your coat and scarf, and toe-off your boots before heading into the warm house. Placing the food on the kitchen table, you make your way upstairs to grab your laptop. Laptop and charger in hand, you head back down to the table and get yourself set up. It is only a few minutes to five when you start the video call.

It rings for a few moments before being picked up. Naoko smiles in the video, giving a small wave before sipping from her glass of wine. She looks like she is at home, relaxed on her plush white couch. “So, any run-ins with your mountain boy today?”

“He’s gone.” You grab your food, sliding it closer. “Apparently he checked out this morning.”

She frowns. “So, no autograph then?”

“I guess not.” You shrug. Not like you were planning on asking for one anyway. That would be much too awkward after everything that happened. You begin to unwrap your take-out food, the call silent as you try to figure out what to ask first. “So, any idea why he was here?”

“I’m not sure.” She adjusts in her seat, crossing her legs and taking another sip of wine. “There's been nothing online about it, not even in the groups I’m in. It’s weird, usually, the media is all over him.”

“Why?” You ask, finally freeing the food from its plastic wrapping. You attempt to throw the plastic into the proper recycling bin across the room. It misses. Figures.

She chuckles. “Well, you met the guy for like a minute and determined that he was an asshole.” Okay, that's true. “He’s prone to acting out and gets into trouble with the media a lot. Especially recently.”

“I guess that makes sense.” You pause to take a bite of your food. “Why is a guy like that even a hero?”

Naoko shrugs. “He doesn’t really talk about his motivations or anything in interviews, but he’s good enough to be number six even with that personality of his.”

Number six? You swallow, thinking. Wait. “The number six hero?!” Your voice raises in shock. The hero rankings were pretty important, even you knew that. To be anywhere in the top ten meant you had to be absolutely amazing. “How?!”

She doesn’t react to your question, instead looking off to the side and swishing her wine. Her lips are pressed together in thought. “Maybe...maybe he was on a break.” She finally speaks, her voice trailing off a bit. “After all the drama from the JHBC...it would make sense to disappear…”

“Drama?” You prompt, after a long moment where she does not continue.

Holding up a finger in a ‘wait’ motion, she downs the rest of her glass quickly and stands up, disappearing from frame. A minute later she returns with a full glass and sits down. “The last JHBC was about two weeks ago-”

“What’s that?”

“The Japanese Hero Billboard Chart.” She gives you a look for interrupting but continues. “It's where they announce the new rankings. Usually, you can sort of tell who is going to be where in advance, this is more of an ‘official’ thing, but this year the number five spot was a toss-up between Ground Zero and Deku.”  Ah, one of the heroes you actually vaguely knew about. It was sort of hard not to know of the ‘new symbol of peace’ or to see his merch essentially everywhere, even in Hokkaido. “Deku blew everyone away by not only cracking the top five but moving immediately to the top 4.”

“Ohh, so there was drama between Deku and the old number four hero?” What did this have to do with Ground Zero being in Makkari?

Naoko smiled. “Nah, Edgeshot didn’t really show anything but respect for Deku as he took his spot. I mean, we all saw it coming in a way. That man is going to be number one sooner rather than later. The drama came from Ground Zero.”

She takes another long sip before continuing. “Nobody knows the specifics, although there is a lot of speculation online about it. As Deku was announced as the number four hero, there was a loud scream and a sound off-screen. The entire stream got cut out for a few minutes. When it came back on, Deku was on stage looking really uncomfortable. Ground Zero was called for his spot as number six, but the audience was told that he had to leave for an emergency. The guy has been essentially missing from all media since.”

“Suspicious.”

“Extremely.” Naoko agrees. “The online consensus is that he lost due to his attitude. Around the time of the rankings, almost everything you saw about him was super negative. He seemed to be blowing up at everything. It was everywhere, I’m honestly surprised you never saw it.”  You shrug. It’s not like you had been aggressively avoiding all things hero for all your life. Nope.

“Anyways, after all of the media coverage, it was sort of weird when he just disappeared. Nobody saw him in fights or on patrol. Lots of conspiracy groups popped up that maybe he was injured or undercover or something worse happened at the JHBC, but no official source came forward.”

“And then he ends up here.” You mutter. “But why Makkari?”

“I don't know.” She shrugs. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in Hokkaido. He’s usually closer to his agency and the other top ten in Musutafu.”

All of that is interesting, sure, but honestly, the only thing you care about is: “Does that mean there's a villain here?”

“Let's hope not.” She sighs. “The heroes here seem to be acting the same. I saw Grand and Turtle Neck on patrol the other day and they seemed calm. Got myself an autograph easily enough.”

“Who?”

“Oh my god.” She pressed one hand to her temples. “You should at least know the local heroes, especially with your job.” You shrug, taking the opportunity to stand up and throw out your crumbs and extra packaging.

When you return, Naoko has a new glass of wine. “Well, no matter what he was doing here, he’s gone now, apparently.”

She hums thoughtfully. “Did he…Did he seem weird? Say anything?”

“I don’t think so.” You think back to your interactions with him. “I mean, I wouldn’t really know.” Drunk-you aside, anytime you spoke to him on the mountain was kind enough...wait.  “I gave him a lecture about his quirk…” You mutter. “Oh my god. I gave a pro hero a lecture about using his quirk without a license.”  You had been worried for him.

Naoko laughs. “Hey, it’s a story to tell at least.”

You think of your dad and shake your head. “No. I don’t want anyone to know. Nobody here seems to know there was a hero, and it's probably a good thing. And if he’s gone, there’s probably nothing to worry about.” Staring into the camera, you continue. “Don’t tell anyone, please.”

“I don’t get you.” She shakes her head, letting out a breath of frustration. “But, whatever girl, it's fine. I won’t tell a soul.” For a moment, neither of you speak. There's a bit of a weird mood between you both after the conversation, the type of mood that comes from two people with completely different outlooks on a situation. You wish you were there in person to break it.

A sound from her end echoes lightly through the computer. She gasps as a big black mass jumps up on her lap. Naoko makes a high-pitched sound and holds her glass above her head, careful not to spill wine on her white couch. “You little shit…” She mutters.

The weird mood breaks. You laugh. “And there is the man of the hour. I was wondering where he ended up."

“The only man allowed on my lap.” She jokes back, carefully placing her wine glass on the coffee table beside her laptop.

The conversation flows away from the topic of heroes and onto daily life. You grab a can of beer from the fridge and join her in drinking. By the time the call ends a few hours later, both of you are tinted red and giggling. You wish her goodnight and close the laptop. Your bones pop satisfactorily as you get up, stretching a bit once fully standing. You grab your stuff and head upstairs, depositing it on your desk before heading to the bathroom.

Nighttime routine complete, you change into warm pajamas and slide into bed. A quick look at the clock on your nightstand shows that Dad should be home in about half an hour, although by the way you’re yawning you doubt you will be awake. Stretching out comfortably in bed, you stare at the ceiling.

Your mind naturally drifts to the blond hero, going over the weird interactions you’ve had. A lot of what he said and did makes more sense in hindsight, like when he asked if you wanted his autograph or his complete shock at your warnings about his quirk and safety on the mountain. Honestly, you had thought he was just being a dick.

Well, it's over now. He’ll go back to Musutafu and you’ll go back to your life of only seeing heroes while on the job. In the end, Naoko was right, it’ll just become a story to tell in the far future.

The ground is covered in snow when you make your way back to Sapporo a few days. It happened quickly, as the weather tends to do this time of year. You had to cut your visit short by three days due to the heavy snowfall predicted for the area. Dad tried to argue that your team doesn’t need you that bad, but you were insistent.

The drive back is peaceful. It’s not too long of a drive, and soon you can see the city in the distance. You can't help but smile as you look at those big buildings looming ahead, lights almost like stars in the dark. The city is as congested as usual, but you make okay time as you drive through the city center towards your end of town.

After dropping off the car at the rental place, you make the walk home. The air here is nothing in comparison to the clear and fresh Makkari, but you’ll get used to it again soon enough. Pulling your luggage behind, you make your way through the city. It’s still early, really, so you decide to make a detour from your house. The sight of the bar, with its non-descript sign and dark windows, fills you with warmth.

It’s a quiet Wednesday night, with a few patrons littered throughout either drinking at tables or playing billiards. It’ll probably get a little busier a bit later. You glance over to the bar. Naoko is there, leaning against the counter and speaking to a customer. She looks up, eyes wide. Her mouth opens in shock, then she calls out your name. Leaving her customer, she rushes around the counter to wrap you in a hug. You return it happily. The customer, a regular that you’ve spoken to a few times, waves at you with a smile. It’s really nice to be back.

You sit on a barstool as Naoko makes her way back behind the bar,  placing your luggage beside you as best you can to not take up much room.

“I thought you were back on Saturday.” She says, a question in her statement.

“Weather.” You reply. “Makkari is supposed to be hit by a pretty bad snowstorm tomorrow.”

“I bet your dad wasn’t happy.” She hasn’t even met the man and knows. Naoko shoves a drink at you. You don’t know what it is, but take a sip. It’s...spicy.

You shake your head, a small smile forming. “He tried to convince me to stay.” It had been...difficult to say the least. He has always hated that you chose to live here. “So, what was I interrupting when I came in?” You smile apologetically at Naoko and the customer. The regular seems to be asleep against the bar. Huh.

“Ah, I was just telling Haru here about the fight I had to break up last night.”

“Oh?” You prompt, running a finger around the top of the glass. “What happened?”

“Just your average drunk assholes.” She replies. “Not regulars, thankfully. I had to use my quirk to get them out.” Naoko lets out a breath and leans against the bar. “I can’t imagine working here and not having my quirk.”

You nod absentmindedly. Her quirk - Calming Touch- does come into use pretty often at the bar. Calming Touch is pretty much what it says on the tin, she is able to calm down anyone she touches when she activates her quirk. It can work on any type of extreme emotion. Luckily, it’s not classified as a dangerous or physical quirk, so she is able to use it without a license.

Hm. There is a weird silence. You look up, locking eyes with Naoko’s. She seems tense. “What?”

“I’m so sorry!” She blurts out. “That was super rude of me.”

“Huh?”

“The quirk thing.” She continues. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Ohh...you get it now. “You quirkless?”  The voice comes from your right. You turn to see Haru awake, leaning against his arm on the bar. Huh, you didn’t realize he had been awake.

“Ah, uh-” You stumble through your words.

“It's okay,” Haru mumbles, laying his head back down on the bar, facing you. Dark eyes stare at you.“‘ ‘m too.”

“Thanks.” You smile, ignoring the pit of guilt forming in your stomach. You turn to Naoko. “ It’s okay. I’m used to it. Lived this way my entire life.”

“Still…” She sighs. The bar door swings open, slamming loudly against the wall. You turn to look over your shoulder. A large group of people has come in, a few of them looking at the door in shock. Well, it’s not like you haven’t accidentally done the same thing. After a moment they head towards the back where the pool tables are, four splitting from the group to head towards the bar.

“I’ll get out of your hair.” You say, sliding off the barstool. “I should be getting home anyway.”

“Be safe getting home!” Naoko asks.

“Always.” You grab your luggage as the four converge on the bar. “Bye Haru!” You call out, not knowing if the man fell asleep again, and leave the bar.

Leaving the warmth of the bar for the cold outside hits harsher than before. You wonder idly if the temperature went down while you were in the bar. Burying your face in your scarf, you turn left and head down the street. It's busy this time of night, but you maneuver effortlessly through the crowds.

It takes less than ten minutes before you reach your apartment. Looking up at the large building, you make your way up to the front door. It's not an especially nice building, but not horrible either. It’s pretty average, although the landlord is known to never reply to complaints. Still, the apartment takes up a huge portion of your paycheck.

You take the elevator up to the sixth floor and make your way down the hall to your door. Opening the door to a dark apartment, you’re hit by a sense of comfort. It’s always nice to be back in your own space. You toe off your shoes, hang up your coat and scarf, and head inside. Leaving the luggage at the door - a problem for tomorrow- you turn on a lamp and head over to your couch, plopping down.

After a few minutes of molding to the couch, you grab your phone from your pocket.

[Contact: Bossman]

You: I am back in Sapporo a few days early. Let me know if there is anything I can help with.

It might seem a little sad to give up your last day of vacation but you love your job, and it’s not like you have much else to do. Most of your friends share the same job as you, so it’s not like they are free often. You can accomplish everything you need -groceries, laundry, etc- tomorrow. Unless you go back to work, you know you’ll be spending most of the next four days on your couch watching tv.

You let yourself lay in the quiet for a bit longer. The mix of traveling and whatever drink Naoko had given you -and oh wow you forgot to pay, shit- making you a bit more tired than you would have suspected. It’s going to be an early night. Finally, you stand up and make your way to the bathroom. You feel a bit better after a quick shower, the last remnants of cold seeping from your system. But something about that warmth just adds to your tiredness. You don't even put on clothes, you just head straight to bed and fall asleep.

You dream of playing billiards with a bear. You lose.

It’s your phone that wakes you up. Opening your eyes a bit, you stare at the ceiling and contemplate the benefits of not picking up. In the end, the phone wins out. You roll onto your side and grab it, checking the contact.

[Contact: Bossman]

Huh? You pick up on the last ring. “Hello?”

“Hey!” The voice on the other end is way too chipper for this early in the morning. Wait, is it early? You check your phone. 8:35. Hm. Acceptable. “I got your message yesterday. If you want to come back early, I have no problem with that.”

“Really?!” You sit up. Ouch. A crick in your neck.

“Well, there's a bunch of paperwork you need to do.” You groan. He laughs. “Don’t be like that. It’s your paperwork that I’ve kindly allowed you to put on hold during your holiday, but it needs to be done.” A pause. You feel your excitement droop. Maybe a few days of laying on the couch will be better than paperwork, but if you have to do it anyways...“If you get it done early, I don’t see any problem with having you at-ready.”

“Yes!” You say instantly. “But, why?”

“There’s been an uptick in villain attacks recently.” He says. “We need all hands on deck. That’s all I can really tell you.” Ah, the wonders of bureaucracy. He always says the same line when it’s an order from the top.

“Alright.” You conceded. “Can I come in today?"

“Whenever you want.” There's a sound in the background.  “Gotta go. I’ll see you later?” You agree and hang up. After that conversation, you’re wide awake. Part of you wants to go straight to work, but you know you have some stuff you need to do first.

You stretch and slide out of bed. It’s colder than you expect. You shiver, looking down. Oh yea, you’re naked. Right. Heading towards your closet, you pick out some casual clothes and get dressed. You start the day with a quick run to the grocery store, grabbing take-out breakfast on the way home. You eat on the couch, laptop in your lap and check up on emails. After, you tackle the errands around your house by organizing your luggage, laundry, and watering your plants. You hum as you mist the nerve plant on your window, looking out. Your eyes scan the area around you. It's busy on the street below, as is usual for this time.

Your eyes lock onto a building a few blocks down. You can barely see it in between the other buildings, and it looks relatively nondescript from your angle. But that building is the single reason your rent is through the roof. The hero agency. It had been by your Dad's insistence that you moved to this building. It was the only one in the area with a rent that you could possibly keep up with. At first, you thought it was odd that Dad was so insistent upon you being closer to heroes, but the more you thought of it the more you understood. The only thing that man is more worried about than heroes is villains, and villain attacks in the area surrounding a hero agency are extremely rare. None have occurred even close to the area since you moved in.

Your phone alarm goes off, warning you of the time. 12:00p.m, time to go. You get dressed in your uniform, throw on your coat and scarf, and head out. Your workplace is on the east side of Sapporo, so you take the subway most of the way. The building, tall and surrounded by various emergency vehicles, takes up almost a block.  

The receptionist waves at you while on the phone as you walk by. You smile at him and continue to the elevator. The third floor is, as usual, in an organized state of chaos. Coworkers rush past you on their way out to some sort of emergency. Others sit at desks furiously typing away or are on intense-looking phone calls. You head towards the large office at the back, your boss's office. He is on a call but locks eyes with you through the window. The man looks at your uniform, rolls his eyes, and points towards the back of the room. You look over and fight back a groan. An empty desk sits there, a stack of paper already on the edge.

Still, you head over and plop down. The stack of paper looks even larger up close. You wish the department could just go paperless. You log into the computer, then log into your account and take a moment to stretch. A deep breath, and you begin.

Nighttime hits way before you are even close to being done. You take small breaks in between for coffee runs and the occasional small walk for exercise, but otherwise, you remain glued to your seat, determined to finish this work by the end of the day. The idea of leaving more of it for tomorrow is just too horrible.

Eventually, you submit the last of your work. You don't exactly feel accomplished, but the relief hits you nonetheless. Sitting up from your hunched position, you can feel the bones in your back crack happily. You check the time: 8:00 p.m. Not that bad, actually. You essentially did a full 8-hour day.

“Done?”  You look up at the voice. It's your boss. He has a coat on, probably on his own way out. You nod. “Alright, I’ll put you back on the roster. Keep your pager close.” He tosses you a pager and leaves.

At eight hours, you have four more that you could be on-call. Logging out of the computer, you stand up and head towards the elevator. After eight hours in this building, you need to get out for a little bit. You wander around the perimeter of the station, looking up into the sky and missing the stars.

The pager buzzes in your pocket. You startle and grab at it. The display simply reads EMERGENCY and a number. You look at it and break into a run back for the building. Luckily, you’re not far.

The number corresponds to the vehicle that you have been assigned. You find the ambulance quickly, the last of your team to arrive and jump into the back. The team usually consists of four people per vehicle. Two sit in the front, and two ride in the back. It’s a bit surprising when three people jump in the back. You sit down and buckle your seatbelt, looking over the others. The first is a man you’ve worked with before and the second is one you haven't. The new guy barely manages to do his seatbelt up before the vehicle begins to move.

“Hey.” You smile. The man looks over, face nervous. “I haven’t met you before. What’s your name?”

“Eito.” The guy has an adorable voice. Damn. “I’m a new hire.”

“And they stuck you with us?” You ask, raising an eyebrow. New hires don't normally go to your section of the department.

“My quirk.” Eito mutters. “I can create a shield of energy, only for about a minute, and they’re pretty weak but…”

“Ah, I see how that could be useful during a villain attack.” You nod, moving on to ask him questions about the emergency. Apparently, the call itself was vague, although that wasn't unique in your job. The Villain Attack division is called in the moment a villain is reported, so you never had enough information.

The ambulance comes to a skidding stop. You’re quick to unbuckle your seatbelt, gear up, and jump into action. Opening the doors was a weird scene, to say the least. Large cloth-looking dolls walk down the street, hitting buildings. They don’t seem strong enough to destroy them in one hit, but some of the nearby ones are crumbling. You can’t see the villain that must be controlling them.

The vehicle is stopped on the outskirts of the fight, carefully hidden away.

“We have one injured reported to the right.” The coworker in the passenger seat pops around the side of the ambulance holding a radio. “Let’s go.”

You move as a seasoned four-person team, the driver having to stay in the ambulance in case it needs to move. Your team stays on the outskirts of the battle raging on as you walk, ducking into buildings and behind cars to avoid notice. Eito trails behind you carefully. Eventually, you reach the injured woman. She is awake and bursts into tears as she sees your team. Eito and you watch the area around you as your coworkers attend to her. They assess vitals, ask questions and make the final decision that she is okay to move. She seems to have a broken leg, so they help stabilize the leg before helping her up. Your two coworkers are practically carrying the woman as they move, with you at the front and Eito at the back as lookout.

As you move, something catches your attention in the corner of your eye. A shoe on the ground. You pause, looking a bit closer. Shit. That’s a leg. Hopefully connected to a person. They’re mostly hidden behind some rubble, so you can’t even tell if they are alive or not.

You look at your coworkers and tell them the situation. “I’ll help you get her out, then I’m going back in.”

Your coworkers agree, and you all try to speed your walk as fast as possible to the ambulance. The moment you can see it in the distance, you call for a split and turn around. “Eito, come with me.” A two-person team is only slightly better than a one-person, in the case of issues popping up, but you’ll take anything.

Eito nods and the two of you make your way back to the area you saw the leg. As you make your way back, you notice that the fight has gotten a lot closer than it had been previously. You are going to have to be quick. You motion to Eito and the two of you creep up the street until you reach the rubble.

At first, you think he must be dead. The man lying there in a pile of blood just can't be alive. Eito crouches down beside him and checks vitals. “He’s alive!”

“Woah.” You crouch down and begin your own assessment. You use Eito mostly as an assistant, aware that time is not with you for many reasons.

The outcome of your assessment is grim. The man is bleeding heavily from a wound in his stomach, the cause of the blood around him. His whole body is twisted weirdly, likely a spinal injury. You can’t move him. Shit.

Eito works to stop the flow of blood as you reach for your own radio, calling for a stretcher and immediate assistance. Reaching into your pocket, you grab your small flare and light it, watching as the red light floats above the buildings. The flare is used in situations where the EMT needs assistance immediately but is unable to properly communicate their location. Your team will be able to find you soon. You hope. You go back to helping Eito stem the bleeding.

A large vibration echoes through the ground.

crack

You look up again at the sound. A piece of the building above you crumbles, sending large shards of metal and concrete towards you. You think that you could survive this. Your patient won't.

As you stare, a green light overcomes your vision. The metal and rocks hit it harshly, angry sounds echoing throughout the area. Your wide eyes look over at Eito, who has his hand up, a green light emanating from it. A terrified look is on his face.

“I can't hold it!” Eito exclaims, arms shaking wildly. The green aura suddenly disappears. You close your eyes and brace for impact.

BANG

The impact never comes, but it almost feels like it did. The sound, deafening. Hot air forces you sideways harshly into the ground. Dust fills your nose.

You cough through the dust, opening your eyes. A blurry figure stands amongst the debris, covered in the same dust you’re breathing. You rub at your eyes and push yourself up. The figure - probably a hero- is standing with his back to you. You can't see much of him except for...gauntlets on his hands and blond hair.

Wait.

No.

The figure looks back. Your eyes lock with red ones.

No fucking way.

[amplesalty]

TV Binging: The Umbrella Academy - Season 1 (2019)

Not ‘The Umbrella Chronicles’ as I keep calling it in my head for some reason...

With the recent announcement of Season 2’s arrival in July, what better time to finally dip into the Netflix original that has been lingering in my watch list since its debut on the service last year. I knew this had something of a superhero vibe going into it but I was surprised at how relatively mundane it is, at least to begin with.

The start of the show covers the reuniting of a former group of heroes brought back together by the passing of their Father and tutor. Think of it as the X-Men except Professor Xavier is a really pushy Hollywood parent, though I don’t think even Joe Jackson went as far as to lock one of his kids in a mausoleum for days on end. The outpouring of emotion is more skewed towards bitterness over their mistreatment growing up, pushed to extremes in the name of enhancing their powers and bereft of any emotional support from him. I dig the idea, with the explosion of comic book movies over the past 20+ years they’re normally more focused on big action set pieces so it’s neat to have this more dramatic look at how these characters have been shaped by their upbringing.

To some extent I think it’s something Luther as the de-facto leader of the group comes to experience as the show moves along, having to make choices that are hard for everyone to accept but I guess that’s something you have to do as a leader sometimes, not everyone is going to like it but you have to do these things for the good of the unit even if they can’t see it in that moment.

That’s not to say the series doesn’t quickly evolve into a bigger overarching story of an impending apocalypse which the group are destined to band together to fight. It’s actually a lot like Heroes in that respect; visions of an apocalyptic future, that apocalypse brought on unwittingly by a developing power, a shadowy agency manipulating events in the background, deceitful relationships...

Though, even if that one particular relationship was built on a foundation of lies, it would still be one of the more relatively normal ones playing out on this show. I mean, you have Five and his mannequin dummy, Hazel and the old lady who runs the doughnut shop and, of course, Luther and Allison.

Luther and Allison are two of the titular Academy who were amongst a group of some 40+ kids all mysteriously born at the same time across the world to mothers who weren’t pregnant at the time. The way they present that at the start is rather amusing, with these two rather coy teenagers sneaking a kiss under the nose of a strict swimming teacher, only for the girl to suddenly start giving birth in the pool. It’s like the fruition of every overly strict mother’s warnings; “You see, I told you kissing could get you pregnant!”. To that end, they’re not blood relatives or anything so I guess it’s not technically a problem but it’s still really, really weird and even moreso because everyone just seems to know about it and not really bothered by it. At first I thought it was just me reading too much into things, like there’s a flashback to them as kids around the dinner table and they share this smile which, yes on the service is probably not much to go on but even across a near 10 hour long series, these individual moments are there for a reason so it must be leading to something, right? And sure enough, they do eventually kiss in this very cinematic moment where she’s leaving and he makes this last minute plea for her to stay, triumphant music kicks in and they kiss under the moonlight. It reminded me of Clueless where they built up this romance between Alicia Silverstone and Paul Rudd’s characters even though they’re step-siblings. And this is without even mentioning the fact that Luther is some degree of man/ape hybrid after he was injected with some mysterious serum in order to save his life following a botched mission. Massive hairy upper body going on that he’s naturally a bit wary to show off. If you at least shaved I think you’d pass as halfway normal, if people can get past the whole hench body/tidy head combo you’ve got going on. Dude looks like a Goomba from the Mario movie.

Even though there are six of these main characters around (well, seven including Ben but only Klaus can see him), they do tend to stick within these little groups or pairs so you see a lot of the same recurring interactions like Luther and Allison or Klaus and Diego. Makes things interesting when you get these odd combinations interacting for a change. Klaus tends to get around a bit though, which is good, I really like him. Definitely very quirky with his personality and dress sense but I’d say he’s up there as one of the characters that undergoes the most growth throughout the series. It’s cool to get an understanding as to why he is the way that he is early on but also see him develop  and realise some of the potential that he never even knew he had. On the surface the ability to talk to the dead is perhaps not the most practical of abilities, he’d probably be at the back of the line if Superman or Captain America were picking out heroes for their teams, but he puts it to practical use during his kidnapping and even taps into his hidden potential in the finale.

I am curious as to where things are going in Season 2 as the finale here felt more like pressing the reset button than anything. I would assume they’re not going to spend a massive amount of time re-treading old ground though and some greater threat will emerge as the protagonist. Like, the Handler was kind of a peripheral figure so maybe she’ll be a bigger part or someone else from the Commission. Hazel and Cha-Cha had their moments but always felt like they were walking the line of serious threats and incompetence. I suppose that’s not massively out of place for the show though, it does waver between tones often, perhaps most jarringly between the end of episode 8 and the start of 9. Especially with how prevalent the act of binge watching has between, to go from the dramatic conclusion of 8 to seeing Marry Poppins stand ins flung through oversized Lego blocks at the start of 9 is certainly quite a shift.

[daresplaining]

I would love to read a post about some Matt\DD interactions with Vanessa Fisk on the comics. :)

    Ooh, yes!

    Matt and Vanessa have a really interesting dynamic, which spans a huge amount of character development for both of them. Vanessa has almost always been characterized by a sense of innocence– both her surprising possession of it and her eventual loss of it. She was originally a kind, law-abiding person who existed in contrast to her husband’s violence and scheming. Fisk’s devotion to her is written as a tiny testament to his humanity, and her love for him as proof that there is something there to love. This concept– of Vanessa’s role as a good person surrounded and always threatened by corruption– extends into her scant interactions with Matt.

    Matt actually meets Vanessa before he meets her husband, back in Daredevil vol. 1 #170. (The Kingpin was primarily a Spider-Man villain before Frank Miller pulled him into the DD franchise, and he and Matt had somehow managed to avoid each other before this.) At this point, Fisk and Vanessa have been living in Japan, where Fisk has “reformed” (as much as such a thing is possible for him), abandoning his supervillaining for the sake of trying to have a peaceful life with Vanessa. Eventually, he agrees to hand all of his information on his old allies in the criminal underworld over to the FBI in exchange for having his own record cleared. However, when the old allies in question find out about this, they go after Fisk, drawing him back to New York. Frightened for her husband, Vanessa approaches the hottest legal team in town to ask for help.  

Vanessa: “…And so, my husband requires the finest legal representation available. We are prepared to pay you two hundred thousand dollars.”

Foggy: “Two hundred thousand dollars… Wha– what do you say, Matt?”

Matt: “This explains why the crimelords want the Kingpin killed. The evidence in those files could put them out of business. I’ve been aching to sink my teeth into a case like this. […] Ma’am, I think we can… Look out!”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #170 by Frank Miller, Klaus Janson, and Glynis Wein]

    Matt saves Vanessa’s life, but in the resulting chaos, she is kidnapped. Feeling responsible, Matt is pulled deeper into the conflict between Fisk and the other mob bosses– leading to his first encounter with the Kingpin himself and the beginning of their legendary antagonistic relationship. But despite this animosity, Matt retains a soft spot for Vanessa, seeing her as an innocent victim who was dragged into Fisk’s violent world against her will. Her kidnapping leads to her apparent death in an explosion orchestrated by one of Fisk’s henchmen. But when Ben Urich discovers her not long afterward, mentally shattered and living in the sewers, and he and Matt go in to save her.

Matt: “For years, his love for Vanessa was all that held the Kingpin back. But then that building collapsed around her–”

Ben: “–And he’s been upping the crime rate ever since. […] You think if we find her the Kingpin will go straight?”

Matt: “No. But that really doesn’t matter. She was the innocent victim of a deadly power struggle. I have to find her.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #180 by Frank Miller and Klaus Janson]

    There’s also a strategic element that comes into Matt and Vanessa’s early relationship. He is genuinely concerned for her wellbeing, but she is also conveniently placed as a weapon to be wielded against the Kingpin. Having found her and brought her out of the sewers, he then uses his knowledge of her whereabouts to blackmail Fisk. Later, when she is slowly being nursed back to physical and emotional health, Matt helps to get her out of the country and away from her husband– not only for her own good, but also for what this loss will do to him.

Matt: “…There they are, now. It’s almost take off time… Mondat was waiting for me on level sixty-two, with Vanessa. We left without encountering a soul. Mondat’s wallet holds a blank check on a bottomless bank account to pay for Vanessa’s treatment. Another account, and a new identity, await her in Europe. The Kingpin will never see his wife again.”

[Daredevil: Love and War by Frank Miller and Bill Sienkiewicz]

    Fisk actually calls Matt on stooping to this type of manipulation– which is hilarious, coming from him, but still a valid point. (We also just love this interaction, so we had to include it.)

Matt: “Kingpin, you make me sick. Using a man’s most cherished dream against him… the only thing I’ve ever seen that’s ever made him happy…”

Fisk: “Indeed? And when you found my wife, Vanessa, alive… and used her to blackmail me into doing your bidding… how was that different?”

Matt: 8^(

[Daredevil vol. 1 #192 by Alan Brennert and Klaus Janson]

    It’s a long time before Matt and Vanessa encounter each other on-panel again, and by then, a lot has changed. Matt and Fisk take turns tearing each other down over and over again, and Fisk (and thus Vanessa) eventually learns Matt’s secret identity. Early in Volume 2, Fisk’s son Richard becomes involved in a failed assassination plot that leaves the Kingpin injured but alive. Furious about her son’s part in this, Vanessa secrets Fisk out of the country, orders the deaths of most of the collaborators in the plot, and shoots Richard herself. Then, having– as it were– cleaned up the situation and severed the family’s ties to the city, she leaves. She invites Matt to join her for her last meal in Fisk Towers.

Matt: “Vanessa… What is that?”

Vanessa: “That is the name of the man who sold you out to the press. He is one of the FBI agents that Sammy Silke went crying to. Consider it a going away present.”

Matt: “Am I going somewhere, Vanessa?”

Vanessa: “No, I am. This city makes me physically ill. I am leaving it and I shall never return. This is the final meal to be eaten in Fisk Towers and I appreciate you honoring my request that we have it together.”

[Daredevil vol. 2 #36 by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Matt Hollingsworth]

    Matt strongly suspects Vanessa’s involvement in her son’s death, and his interest in this extreme change in her is likely part of his motivation for accepting her invitation. For Vanessa’s part, Matt is the final connection to the city that needs to be tidied away. She solves all of his current life crises that she has the power to solve, which includes overturning a hit that was placed on him by someone in Fisk’s organization, and giving him the name of the person who recently sold his secret identity to the press. Her motivations in this scene are difficult to read, but all evidence suggests that she just wants out, and thus wants to do Matt the courtesy of formally saying goodbye on behalf of both herself and her husband. They’ve known each other a long time, after all.

    This changes. Vanessa moves overseas, but her new brutal tendencies blossom into a fury about her situation that is partially directed at Matt. She comes down with a terminal illness, which she attributes to her decision to kill her own child– which, in turn, she blames on the violent forces in her life. She devotes her last months to turning Matt’s world upside down– hiring Danny Rand under false pretenses to run around as Daredevil while Matt is in jail, engineering Foggy’s “death”, and placing obstacles in his path designed to drive him deeper and deeper into despair. In this way, she hopes to do to his life what he and his vendettas have done to hers. Having emotionally beaten him down to a degree she deems satisfactory, she then engineers a final encounter with him– a chance for her to explain her motivations and cement her victory.        

Vanessa: “Then I realized it wasn’t my fault at all… it was yours. And Wilson’s. […] See, I had saved Wilson. We had escaped the cycle of violence that was his life, and I had saved him. And then we went back to New York, and nothing was ever the same. I should have known. I should have stopped his trip… but that’s not how you love someone. So everything went wrong, and then it was too late. He and you were locked in a new cycle of pointlessness… always at each other’s throats… I swear, I think you liked it.”

Matt: “Then you don’t know me at all.”

Vanessa: “No. I know you better than you know yourself… I’ve been playing chess with you, after all.”

[Daredevil vol. 2 #92 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, and Matt Hollingsworth]

    Vanessa’s final checkmate move is to offer to reverse Matt’s fortunes if he will release Fisk from jail. In this way, she hopes to ensure her revenge through allowing Matt and Fisk to continue their cycle of violence and mutual destruction. Sickened, Matt refuses– but then changes his mind when Vanessa fixes his life anyway. He is horrified by what she has become, and furious about everything she has done to him and his loved ones, but he can’t actually hate her. He still sees her as a good person– a victim of her circumstances.

Matt: “I’m sorry, Vanessa… Sorry that your soul has turned this black. But you know what? In all your words, the only thing I hear is– Wilson won. Whatever sick game the two of you started playing, you may be better at it than him… but you aren’t you anymore.”

[Daredevil vol. 2 #92 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, and Matt Hollingsworth]

    In memory of the kind, moral person she once was, Matt obeys her last wish and offers Fisk his legal services. But he waits until after she dies to do so, and ensures that Fisk feels as terrible as possible about the effect he had on her life.   

Matt: “I’m here to honor a debt… I’m here because there was a good person that you and I destroyed. […] I was there, Wilson. I felt her disease eating away at her. I heard the hatred that had twisted her soul. That’s our debt. Yours and mine. […] Some part of you needs to destroy everything you touch… but she did make you happy. Do you remember that? Do you remember your life in Japan, and how much you loved her? When just looking at her made your heart break a little? Made you think there was actually some decency in this world.. or even in yourself? She wanted to die knowing you and I would be trying to kill each other for the rest of our lives… but that wasn’t really Vanessa. So this is what we’re going to do… I am going to get you a deal. I am going to get your charges dropped. I am going to get you the freedom that you so richly don’t deserve… and in exchange, you are finally going to honor the woman you love.”

[Daredevil vol. 2 #93 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, and Matt Hollingsworth]

    It’s probably not the way Matt would have chosen to honor her memory… but it’s the only option he has.

[jupiterm00n]

Fucking I don't give a shit

I guess I'm in my relationship again. I don't know how it happened. For weeks it's just been me waiting for him to decide, and me having to deal with close nights that are fun and easy and like they used to be, with not wanting to it with talking about where we stand. But also nights of talking about it and having him say there's no way it'll ever work, because we can't change, even if we took a break. Then there are the night last when he agreed for a break, or he would consider trying again; and those were filled either with ok times, or it would be just like it used to be. I'd have a panic attack at the wrong time, or I would be emotional and scared and call him freaking out and he would feel like he had to help because I don't have many other people. Or he would be frustrated at me for not making a decision, or he would get frustrated because he would be busy and he would have to come be with my scared panicky needy self. And we agreed to try it, and I don't know how I feel about it. Not good now. It's started bad I told him what I wanted for a relationship, and he asked a bunch of questions for why I wanted certain rules, I was upset already when he asked and I was so anxious and didn't know how to say anything that wasn't self deprecating. I phrased everything poorly and occasionally he freaked out. He keeps saying he can't be with me if I don't respect myself at all. And I'm trying, and I do respect myself in an odd way. And I can't describe how I feel about it without getting backlash for how I actually feel. I do respect myself, I think i deserve the same as everyone else in certain respects. In the general sense, I respect myself. But it's when it gets into specific instances, in specific shades of myself I turn different. My outlook gets dark, and I believe that I'm the worst on the planet. That I'm a pitiful mistake of a human, and that I only mess up everyone's lives despite how much I love all the people I spend time with. Then my respect shifts. Sure I still believe I deserve respect in some way, but it's severely demolished and warped by my perception and rumination. In those cases I feel horrible and like I'm undeserving completely. I don't deserve happiness or love or even things like my body or food. It all gets warped, and can be caused by my impulsive panicked behaviors, or even by something as simple as eating something or weighing myself. I punish every behavior I make, I over apologize, I feel guilty, I overthink and try and backtrack every behavior; which generally leads to more self destruction, confusion from those around me, someone getting super angry at me, or even me lashing out at them in anger because I know their anger towards me will be much worse. I push people away and tease them to come closer, only to completely switch and hurt them or push them away farther. Then I go back, begging for them to forgive me for the confusion I caused. I go back completely broken and lucid, realizing that everything I had done had stemmed from a delusional thought that since everything was fine for a moment, that must mean that I'm fucking up or in some manipulative play where the other person will take off their mask. Only to reveal that they've always hated me and that they only stuck around because they didn't want to have to live with the thought that they were one of the only "friends" of a lifeless girl in a bodybag. I always go back, begging for forgiveness. Promising that I won't be as panicked I won't be as scared or irrational I won't say harsh things I won't rip out my hair and scratch my body until I bleed or give myself black bruises I won't cut my body open I won't burn my wrist I won't hit my head on corners until I bleed to make it stop I won't beg you to take me to the hospital I won't throw up I won't tell you over and over how I'm not hungry and that I don't want to or shouldn't eat, until you break and force me to eat something I won't scream I won't shake and shut down I won't call over and over begging for you to sit with me, scared that I can't be alone, apologizing over and over I won't scavenge for alcohol I'll stop splitting I won't try and kill myself I won't tell you I've tried to end it after the fact and brush it off like you wouldn't care anyway I won't put myself in bad situations I won't hurt you I don't know what to do I've done all of these recently, it's like I just get too scared and sad that all the guilt and shame of existing in my body and with my personality becomes too much. It takes over, and I'm back to the old manipulative behaviors. Not understanding my sadness or fear and not being able to hide it has caused issues. I used to lock it all down, but doing that for 17 years doesnt turn out well. And now when I can't control it it's explosive. I panic and cry at the thought of eating something, and I feel the same if I haven't eaten for a day or whatever and no one brings up food. It's like I get scared if they offer food, but if they don't or say nothing about eating, then I get scared and I rationalize it by thinking: "they're not bringing up food or offering it because you look healthy, you look good, you look fat enough already. They've seen you eat, most of them have seen you binge. They know you're a disgusting animal who doesn't care and will shovel any food into her giant mouth. They don't want to bring it up because they know you'll eat it all, and hey think you're fat already." And I can't stop these behaviors and thoughts I want to, I want to be good, but I was in an unhealthy relationship. I'm trying to get out of the unhealthy, abusive part, but a lot of the unhealthy parts and abusive parts are my fault. Either I unintentionally manipulate with things like food, or not being able to decide something out of fear of making the wrong decision, or I'm just too emotional or too much and it makes the other person fed up and react to my fear with anger or hatred. It all spirals I hate it I'm in a relationship again and the last 3 times I've seen him, we've fought horribly. I feel sick and I told him a summary of what's happened to me recently He said he felt sick and betrayed, we were broken up, but I fucked up. I don't know how to defend any action. Not at all. Because I hurt someone I love. He hurt me too, of course, but I seriously harmed things. I know I did. The things that happened though, I actually don't regret. At all. I finally felt kind of ok being in a situation like that. A situation that's happened lots this semester in other situations, by this was different. I felt ok, better than ok, I didn't feel shitty and I felt super guilty, but not for the interaction itself, just all the backstories behind it. It was the first time I felt ok and actually kind of safe? It's hard to describe But it's horrible that the one good interaction that I had that I briefly mentioned is causing all this pain in everyone. I feel so much guilt and sadness now, but I also still don't feel terrible Maybe that's cruel, but I don't know what to feel. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to keep beating myself up. The circumstances were all allowed and all ok, given the fact that I was not in a relationship, But I still fucked up And I don't know how to feel It's two extremes. I feel two extremes. How typical I guess I'm used to this, I just wish I wasn't