#i refuse to look up a tutorial ILL DO IT ON MY OWN

[ikaishere]

rendering grass may be the death of me

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐬/𝐨 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!  

Warnings: swearing, major mentions of death and violence, spoilers, death of children, mental illness, mentions of previous torture. 

a/n: with the hunger games resurgance, I want to continue writing for these characters. I absolutely loved this series so much, it was an innate part of my teenage years. 

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ      

🌿ESTP 🍁Slytherin 📜Chaotic Neutral 🔮Scorpio Sun, Aries Moon, Aries Rising  

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐���𝒈:    

Dance Me To The End Of Love by The Civil Wars (they featured on the song with Taylor Swift in the first movie)

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿  

・You were never reaped, and never knew the personal/immediate experience of having to kill someone. However, your oldest brother was in the Hunger Games, a few years after Johanna. So, you knew the pain of losing a loved one. 

・Helping each other transition into a world where the Hunger Games no longer exists

・In a world where the Capitol doesn’t rule with an iron fist 

・After the events of Coin’s death, Katniss and Peeta go to district 12 to live out their days in peace

・Johanna still plagued by the torture and trauma she endured, didn’t know what to do. 

・No family, no friends, so she hid herself in the apartment that Commander Paylor gave to her (all living victors were given an apartment. But the catch was that they had to go through therapy)

・Johanna refused to go to the appointments. She was adamant that it was stupid, it wouldn’t help. 

・And she drowned in her own sadness 

・It took her 3 months to begrudgingly go to an appointment

・It was a group therapy session. Katniss and Peeta weren’t there as they lived in District 12 and didn’t live off of Paylor’s generosity

・It was a small group, and when Johanna looked around at the other victors, she saw herself. Hurt. Broken...the feeling of something that was taken and they could never get it back

・You were apart of the healers. Not a therapist, but a protegee underneath Ms Everdeen - yes, Katniss’ mother

・She shined in the Capitol; given the best treatment for everything she suffered 

・And you were lucky enough to be her assistant. 

・Learning the art of healing wasn’t easy

・But the opportunity was too good to let pass by 

・Ms Everdeen was a quiet woman, but when she taught, there was a light that began to shine. With each comment, lesson, tutorial and experience - she began to glow and glow. 

・But you soon learnt that bringing up either of her daughters was... bad. Her light dimmed whenever their names were mentioned; even talking about the plants was difficult for her. 

・She loved Prim, her youngest who looked like her. Who never judged her, only had love in her heart for everyone. Katniss was so distant, it felt like a death

・Johanna felt safe with Ms Everdeen. It was an interesting dynamic. She somewhat... stepped into a maternal role for the young victor. A role that Johanna desperately wanted filled but would never admit

・That’s how you met Johanna; in all her hardened exterior. Someone unloved but not unlovable. 

・Your relationship started off very clumsily; she saw you as another therapist - therefore an enemy. 

・You didn’t take much of a liking to her either 

・It was a conscious effort to be curteous 

・And Ms Everdeen pushed you toward Johanna

・Call it a mother’s intuition 

・And that intuition spurred a tight friendship. Johanna eased into your company (not without a fight) 

・You showed her moments into your world and in response, she displayed glimpses into her own

・And then you formed a tight bond. Best friends. Always doing things together, eating, spending all your free time with her

・You even inspired her to go to the therapy appointments 

・And although there were a few hiccups along the way, Johanna started to heal

・From then on she wanted to know what this new world had to offer

・ You both explored what the new Panem was, how Paylor had changed the old ways into something new. A united nation, where everyone reaped the benefits of food, shelter and safety. 

・There were no games after the rebellion. Paylor made sure of that:

   “We didn’t let people sacrifice their lives for a world where we go on sacrificing. We are one now. Panem will never be the same.” 

・Now with a new sense of freedom, you saw a change in Johanna. You knew what it was - hope

・This newfound hope made Johanna realise that ... she could do whatever she wanted. There wasn’t a reason why she couldn’t. She had survived. 

・The very next hour, she had walked right up to you and kissed you fiercely 

・It wasn’t the best place to snog; right in front of Ms Everdeen, but when you pulled apart you glimpsed over at her and saw her smile 

・Being with Johanna is like the like winter. Having a fire to keep yourself warm is cosy but when it gets out of hand - it will leave you with nothing but ashes. 

・You moved in together, a three bedroom apartment that wasn’t too far from Ms Everdeen’s place. You both felt too guilty leaving her.

・Once there was a time that you invited Peeta and Katniss to come and stay, but Peeta wrote back that Katniss wasn’t ready. 

・As a partner, Johanna is hot-headed but also playful and teasing

・She loves ruffling your feathers (never too much though, she never wants to push you away)

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔  

Complete And Utter Badass, Rather Monstrous (Johanna) x Their Ray Of Light Who Has Them Wrapped Around Their Finger (You)

Confident & Flirty (Johanna) x Has Never Been Flirted With Before, Thinks They're Just Being Nice (You)

Snarky Power Couple That Can, And Probably Will, Destroy You

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆  

You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person

𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝑷𝒆𝒕 𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒀𝒐𝒖

At first it was your last name. She would say it with such coldness, and unkindness. A forced tone that she used. On the outside she hated you, and yet on the inside... she had a burning passion for you. Through the progression of your relationship, you could tell how she felt about you with how she said your last name. 

𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑳𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆

Acts of Service and Quality Time. 

Johanna hates all that sappy lovey-dovey talk, and she’s still healing with the aspect of physical touch. So the way she shows her affection is through doing things for you and spending time with you. And then she starts to do those little signs of affection; kisses on the cheek, moving hair out of your face, wiping any food from your mouth etc. PDA is pretty much a no no. But when someone tries ANYTHING with you, then she will kiss you so hard, showing that you’re hers. She’s very protective ... well possessive, over you. 

𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 🔞minors dni!

・The first few times you had sex with Johanna, it was angry sex. The kind where you barely kiss each other, and the headboard is banging, and it doesn’t last too long. Then afterwards it’s not spoken about

・It was difficult, in all honesty. Because you felt used

・But Johanna was trying to hide a part of herself. A deeper part that she’s hidden behind a wall of imenetrable steel. A wall only she can knock down. 

・So it took time - 

・But in that time, you expressed your discomfort at the lack of a deeper connection

・And your relationship was put on hold for a bit until Johanna could open up to you. 

・Your relationship progression made sex more and more softer, intimate, slower. 

・She wasn’t so rough

・And you realised she would barely kiss you during sex. But now, with her walls down, she couldn’t stop kissing you 

・Johanna’s lips were warm, but still with an edge of savagery. Nips here and there, she loves leaving marks, bruises, and hickies.

・She likes leaving them where other’s can see - 

・Johanna needs people to know that you’re taken

・A big thing with her is foreplay. She loves making you whine, beg for more. 

・SHE LOVES TO TEASE

・Sex toys? Yes. Vibrators, strap ons, dildos, anal beads etc. She would own the lot (and you guys keep everything in your ‘sex’ drawer)

[the-satellite]

Hello friends and welcome to ☆Hateful Nostalgia☆. I was exposed to the mob talker mod WAY too young bc I was an unsupervised child on the internet watching mod showcases and SkyDoesMinecraft. Looking back these sucked, the stories were often bland and the designs were milk toast at best and tits out at worst. So for the sake of procrastinating on working on anything substantial I grabbed the main 6 I remembered and gussied em up. Redesigns, rewrites, better names, all that bullshit. If your interested in better photos, design notes, story details and rambling hit the basement, otherwise here's a line up you should click for better quality.

Also I wrote all this once before already but I deleted it like a dumb bitch. On the night Unus Annus was murdered in front of my eyes no less. Was a rough fuckin night.

The Creeper- Kupa. An explosive pyromaniac with a habit of making empty threats and yelling. She protects what she believes to be her territory with a suicidal passion, but if you manage to get her to cool down and soften up she's pretty sick to hand out with. Hard of hearing, has at least one bout of head trauma at all times, and deathly allergic to cats.

Because the creeper is kinda the og I wanted to reference AT2's design more than the others, but I'm p sure the only thing I actually kept was the red hair and brown gloves. Otherwise I was doing whatever. I really wanted to lean into the explody bit of creepers, so I gave her some bite and dressed her in clothes referenced from Irish railroad workers. This may also be why I keep imaging her with a very heavy Irish or Scottish accent, whichever would be most incomprehensible when angry. Every color but her skin was color picked from one of the references, with some minor alterations for makes my eyes happy reasons.

With Kupa I imagine a story line with her would largely be about her as a character and her development than like an actual adventure narrative like everyone else. She starts off ready to blow up both you and herself in a misguided attempt to defend what she sees as her's and opens up and learns not everyone is out to get her. Lots of time taken to understand her childhood and how she ended up how she is. Very simple, probably the default or tutorial run people would go through.

The Zombie- Bee. The ill husk of a missing explorer suffering from a less than conventional appetite. She wallows in her self imposed loneliness, believing herself to be an irredeemable monster doomed to hurt those around her. What she really needs is a buddy and some clue to who she used to be. Rough voiced, chronically fatigued, and prone to spontaneous combustion in sunlight.

 I definitely consider this one the weakest for design sadly. I imagined Zombies as humans who went into strange caves and caverns and didn't come out for years, only to pop up as completely different people. I just tossed AT2's design. The first thing I did was make her a bit of a genderbent Steve and tinted her green bc Zombies in game are just Steve but green. Tore up her clothes, colored picked the darkest colors I could from the clothes on the in game and boom, Bee. I do vaguely regret not making her eyes pure black but I also still wanted her to be human enough to fit with the other overworld mods.

 Ok so Bee actually has a basic story. When you meet her she's aggressive, but as a warning. She fears the possibility she may hurt somebody so heads for threats immediately. Going back and forth between her cave and village for a while you learn more about the situation with the missing folks who come back and Bee as a person. After a bit you pick her up off her depressed ass and start a nocturnal adventure of refinding your past, adapting to who your becoming, overcoming self destuction, and slow burn babey!!! 

The Skeleton- Ulna. One of the few surviving warriors of a now destroyed kingdom and dead culture. She spends most of her time now traveling alone, hiding in trees and shooting anything see sees as a threat- which is everything- in the face with homemade arrows. Very much suffering from loss of her home and a bad case of lost purpose. A woman of few words, very antisocial, and naturally nocturnal.

 I came in with the Skeleton wanting to make her seem mysterious, so my first thought was immediately a cloak and a mask, but I wanted her face to like be visible so I went with the face paint. I didn't actually know that I wanted to do under there so I went with wraps that are reminiscent of the original outfit but still not tits out bc it's so fucking easy! Gave her a quiver, color picked the cloak and face paint from the in game model and the wraps from AT2'S art. I did like. Subconsciously draw her eyes the way I do Asian characters but I didn't have anything specific in mind so like go nuts with what you think she is.

 Ulna's deal is very much her lack of purpose or home and the entire thing is about finding that again. She's found sitting up in a tree during a storm pointing a bow and arrow into your face. She eventually let's you stick around until the storm is over and theres some bonding into deep night until the rain stops. You ask if she wants to come with on your little travelling sword for hire business, she says sure, sleep schedule shenanigans, backstory angst, and road trip bonding happens and she eventually decides that helping people is her new purpose and you're her new home

The Spider- Park. A young adult experiencing the world for the first time through her tribe's rite of passage. She's really just trying to figure out how to live life outside of the cave she's been stuck in her entire life and aggressively trying to be an independent adult despite not knowing anything about being an independent adult. Its projection. Blind in the daylight, naive and excitable, and taken to refusing help at her own risk.

 Ok so. I don't know who looked at the spider and said "purple haired loli with puffy pants" so I once again yeeted the whole thing, only really keeping the kinda cutesy and childish bits. Spiders are a tribe of humans what live in caves unless they've broken off to live on the surface. Kids are kept inside until they hit a certain milestone, where they come up to explore at night. They're usually small and pale, but are pretty kickass when necessary. Again picked the colors off the in game model, played with the lightest gray for the skin, and bc I couldn't figure out anyway to use the stripes so they're on the patches lol.

 Park's meeting is probably the funniest and most meet cute one here, in that she accidentally drops on top of you from a little cliff drop off. Cue loads of apologies and an explanation about the spider deal and being blind in light. She asks for some help getting around and bam babey friendship and emotional attachment! What follows is kinda a buddy of coming of age story with the obligatory goes home and is miserable scene. Generally it's just about being a scared young adult and having someone to fall back on and why that's important. Also crushes and young people being bad at that.

 The Blaze- Amber. A demonic entity who would let the world burn and the sun die if it meant she'd get her soul back. She's known for being ruthless, taking souls through force instead of making deals like other Blazes. Keeps this forceful nature even once she's become friendly, makes you do dump shit. Territorial, eyes glow and dim with her life, and runs remarkably warm.

 Amber here is the first one I actually did! I was just. Really tired that she was in a bikini. I decided early on I wanted overworld mobs to be human and everyone else was decidedly not, so Blazes are demons who gave up their souls under false pretenses to other Blazes. Because of how little clothes AT2's design wore I had essentially free reign and my thought was immediately to lean on golden knight bc of how Blazes are found protecting fortresses. The gold isn't picked from anything bc I was looser with the colors, but everything else is, and the hair is supposed to represent the smoke. Also the sticks in her hair are blaze rods bc I don't like them just floating around her.

Amber is found in the Nether obviously, protecting a fortress and immediately trying beat your ass and either incinerate you or make you give up your soul. During you prove yourself a p damn good fighter and she makes a deal to show you how Blazes exist and pursade you to give your soul up willingly. Bonding happens and she explains where the souls go and what happened to her. Insert line about how she dug in the sand for her soul until her fingers bleed bc I'm an Arcana freak lol. In general I'd just like her to learn to adapt to who she is now and learning to live life well instead of letting her anger burn her up from the inside out.

 The Enderman- Violet. A confused but sweet young bit of void created by and connected to the Ender Dragon. Her relationship with reality is tenuous at best and abusive at worst, making stable existence rather difficult. She doesn't know a name, age, gender, anything about herself aside from that she likes sweaters. Communicates primarily through psychic connections, docile and sweet, and melts like a witch in water.

 Violet was incredibly easy, so this may be way short. Endermen are decidedly human shaped void from the End with varying sentience. They're direct extensions of the Ender Dragon, and nobody knows how they're made or where they come from, not even they do. Adventurers who escaped The End say they seem scared of it though. Violet in particular is pretty damn new and extraordinary nonconforming, and I tried to show that with her sweater and ponytail. Once again, literally all colors picked. Definitely the simplest but one of my favs.

Violet is the sweetest meet up I think. As your traveling between villages you notice a strange enderman watching you and plant a little flower in front of her. She picks it and you hear a happy little trill come from you and a pretty voice say thank you in your head. Now you have a tall dark teleporting travel buddy! After a little bit of back and forth she tells you in some broken English that the Ender Dragon made her but she doesnt know how, and that it's bad and needs to be killed for the sake of Endermen and that's the new goal. Spoiler they're the corrupted souls of those that died fighting it, with it gone Endermen are free to exist as their own being and do whatever, hurray!

[keeroo92]

Tumblr Tips You Probably Already Know

So I don’t know about you guys, but for me learning how tumblr works was a pain in the ass. I thought it might be handy to share a few tricks I’ve picked up the last few months for anyone who needs them. Bear in mind I’m still extremely new at this, and not all blogs would benefit from my amateur advice. I’m posting this just in case one of you guys are as frustrated and annoyed as I was at the beginning.

First - Adding a “Keep Reading” divider

Why to do it -  If you post a lot of longer stories, viewers will be forced to scroll through the entire post to see anything further on their feed. While this might seem like a good way to get people to read your work, it can become a hindrance if people don’t have the time to read and are forced to either suck it up and scroll, or unfollow you.

How to do it -

When you are preparing to post (Text post) just hit “Enter”. You should see a few icons on the right of where you’re currently typing, like this.

The icon on the far right will insert a divider that can be dragged to anywhere you like, and when you post it will create one of these -

Readers will need to click to view the full post. I don’t know if there’s a way to create these with any other type of post, but it’s something I learned after an Anon asked me to please use the tool. (Thank you Anon!!!)

My personal preference is to also list the word count above the cut off, so that my readers have a rough idea how much time they might need to finish reading. If you aren’t sure what your word count is, you can paste your work here and find out - https://wordcounter.net/

Some programs have something like this built in as well.

Timing your post

Why to do it - Like any site, tumblr has peaks and valleys of activity. I did a little bit of poking around and found that the most active time of day is between 4pm and 10pm Eastern. If you are trying to maximize the number of people who see your post, it may help to post during this window.

How to do it - I’m pretty terrible about dong this, but when you’re preparing a  post, you can schedule when it appears by clicking the drop down menu on the post button, here.

A small menu should open, like this.

The schedule can be annoying to work with, since it requires a specific format of date. Again, I suck at this, but I’ve noticed if it doesn’t like what I put in the post only refuses to submit.

The post will not even minimize, so you won’t lose your work. (I still recommend keeping a copy elsewhere just in case!!!) Here’s what it looks like -

This menu will also appear when you reblog a previous post, so you can schedule your reblogs with ease.

Opinions vary on whether reblogs actually do any good, but that’s for you to decide for yourselves. Both these scheduling features can be extremely helpful if you won’t be able to post for a few days (vacation, illness, etc.) but you don’t want your blog to stagnate.

Creating a Masterlist

Why to do it - Once you have a few pieces of writing posted, you want people to be able to find them, right? A Masterlist puts links to all your work in one place, like a Table of Contents. Someone just finding your blog can go through everything you’ve written to date and binge it all at once, or just a few to decide if they really want to follow you.

How to do it - Here’s a link to an in-depth tutorial. I’ll summarize below as well.

Start with a new text post. You’ll want to have an idea of how to organize your stuff in advance. I chose to do mine based off of the main pairing, but I’ve seen others go by the date of the post or type of post. You can do it however you like.

Next, list out everything you can think of. It’s fine if you don’t have a full list, you can always go back and add more later. Make sure you put everything in the right category.

Now the annoying part - linking! Every post you make has its own page, and you’ll need to copy the full URL. There’s a million ways to do it, but I just scrolled through my post history with a tag filter on and opened/copied each one in turn. It can be time consuming if you have a lot of posts, though.

Once you have the URL copied, find the line on your masterlist you want to use and highlight it.. Here’s an example.

Now, click on the little figure eight thing I circled. It’ll open a spot for you to paste the URL, like so.

Once it’s in there, click “Done” on the right side of the bubble to save the link. It’ll add a blue line under the text to show where people can click to follow the link. Repeat this until you’ve got each item linked up!

Go ahead and post it, and grab the URL for the masterlist itself. Navigate to your profile and click the little painter’s palette to edit your blog’s appearance. Mine is in the upper right corner, I don’t know if that’s standard.

On the left side of your screen, a new window should open where you can change all kinds of settings. Scroll down to find the custom link section. I’m not sure if every theme has this feature, so you may need to pick a new one to do this. Here’s what mine looks like.

Make whatever changes you like, but make sure you hit “Save” at the top of the window. You might want to check your profile to make sure it looks the way you want it to, but that should be all you need! Be sure to update your masterlist regularly. If you ever discover a line is missing the blue line underneath to show it’s a link, that likely means the link is broken. Generally, you can fix this by redoing the URL paste step above.

A few handy sites -

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Main_Page

If you feel a bit overwhelmed by the number of fannish words you aren’t familiar with, you can find most here. Great way to deepen your understanding and also make sure you’re tagging the right genre’s!

https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go

This site is amazing. They have all kinds of editing tools, too many to list in one post. The main idea here is if you want to analyze your writing, this site does it for free. There’s a 500 word limit unless you want to spend a little money, but IMO it’s worth trying out. However, it can’t tell you your style or identify deliberate grammatical errors. Take it’s advice with a grain of salt, and don’t blindly do everything it says. You will lose what makes your writing unique if you do.

https://write-it-motherfuckers.tumblr.com/

HOLY PROMPTS, BATMAN!!! Seriously, this blog has so many amazing ideas it’s ridiculous. If you want to find a new plot or crazy AU, this WILL give you ideas!

https://writeordie.com/

A great tool for breaking through writer’s block! This site allows you to set a timer and word count, and program sounds to make should you reach/miss your goal. Not for everyone, but I like it for when I have tons of ideas but just can’t settle on one. Best part is it doesn’t delete your work after the time runs out, so you can copy it anywhere you like!

https://ao3commentoftheday.tumblr.com/

This blog is fantastic for any random questions you might have regarding fanfic. They answer things from how to write a chat fic, to how to write an ASL character, to where to find references on how to write a car chase. Truly amazing stuff!

And last lil thing - HAVE FUN!!!!

(Also, sorry if this whole post reads unkindly or in a condescending tone, that is NOT how I mean any of this! I’m not perfect and still have so much to learn, honestly just wanted to share on the off chance it’s useful to someone else.)

[fatokifavour12-blog]

Godsfavour Fatoki

Robert Lunday

ENGL 1301

December 12,2019

Two Year Experience, Forever Trip

A trip to Nigeria does not sound bad, right? Here is the catch; you have to leave your friends and family behind and can only communicate with your family through the phone. Feel like backing out?  This is the story of my life, March 2016. Who knew I was set to hear news that would eventually lead to me staying in Nigeria for two years? Nigeria is a place of culture, one that I did not know much about until the end of the trip. One of the perks about knowing your roots, is just having some background knowledge about where you came from. Which I was naïve too, but slowly began to appreciate.

Given that you had the opportunity to go and learn more about your culture, and where you come from. Will it be easy for you to drop your friends, pack your bags and travel off to your fatherland? Sound Bittersweet? It is not that simple, especially when you are not familiar with the environment. I was given the opportunity but had no say in the decision making. Despite the idea of the trip being bittersweet, if you knew a trip like this would change the way you think and view the world, would you still go? How about if you could not come back and visit the states during the holidays? Even tougher decision. Maybe now you can have a sense of what I endured for two years straight. Two years straight. In addition, there would be limited phone calls because of the time zone difference, and sleepless nights.

I was born in Nigeria, but raised in America. That being said, I can be categorized under the Generation 1.5. This refers to students who are citizens or residents of the US but whose home language is not English. For some of these students English can function as their primary language. In Nigeria, the main tribes or languages are Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa. I was born into a Yoruba home. You can tell a persons tribe by either their first and last name. For example, the Yoruba tribe is known for the “Olu, Oluwa and ola.” Before the trip, since I could barely speak the language, I had trouble distinguishing tribes from one another. Usually, whenever my parents would speak to me in Yoruba, I would have trouble interpreting and I would ask my sister to translate for me.

Before I returned to Nigeria for two years, I went to Cinco Ranch High School. While attending the school, we would have some foreign students, or some other Generation 1.5 students who had a senses of background knowledge of where they came from. Other Generation 1.5 students would be asked what their home country was like, and from there they would be able to pour out information that would have you like intrigued. I was in search for my own story to tell not, someone else’s something to let others know that “I know where I’m coming from,” “ I know my country.” That kind of topic can also lead to good conversations.

With all the fun I was having in America, I then faced the music. I was finally going to Nigeria. Did I want to go? No! Not at all. So, I was going to Nigeria, there were no further questions to be asked, my parents’ decision was final. They insisted that it will be beneficial in the end. I would be going to Nigeria with my older sister and my dad, leaving my two younger sisters and my mom behind. My older sister would soon return to America after her first year.

The plane ticket was booked for the fourth of September, and by this time Hurricane Harvey had struck Houston. While I counted the days leading to my departure, I also prayed that Harvey would hit George Bush Intercontinental Airport so that my flight, and only my flight, for Delta Airlines would be cancelled. Unfortunately, this was not the case .Departure day arrived and all the roads had cleared up. Still refusing to believe this was happening, there I stood in front of Gate C, with a carry-on bag and a suitcase of clothes.

My sisters were in tears as they watched me leave, as was my mom, who tried fake a smile. This was pretty aggravating considering the fact that she wanted me to go. “Ill see them soon, after all its just two years it will be quick. Let’s just make the most of it” I say to myself as I passed the checkout area. At the moment, I felt no need to cry or whine about it, because complaining would only make my it longer. I just had to take it as it was, as much as I felt like running away. Who knew what good could come from this?

The plane landed successfully on the fifth of September; school started on the eleventh. I would be attending Grace International High School, a boarding school in Lagos, Nigeria.

  The following day my dad used it as a day for relaxation, considering that we were coming from America we had to adjust to the time zone. My dad took me around town the next day, showing me some great places and sights. He showed me the hospital where I was born and the flat we stayed in when my mother was in labor.

I was born in a small hospital in Victoria Island. Victoria Island is a big area in Lagos. Lagos is like the suburbs of Nigeria. Lagos is the heart of Nigeria, this is where the money and power is mainly located. All the powerful people in the country stay in Lagos. In a sense Lagos is like the New York of Nigeria. This is where the most attractions are, and Victoria island is at the center of it. Most businesses and churches are established here.

On the seventh of September, we went to the school. We came here this day so I could see the school I would be attending. As we approached the gates of the boarding school, I began to have mixed emotions about it. Excitement and suspense filled my head as we came closer after the long car ride we had. As I stepped down from the car, I was told I would be taking my entrance exam. An exam of which I was not ready for at all. At this point my heart was basically racing and I was not happy with my dad for making that call. There was not anything I could do about the situation, so I did not complain out loud. The thought of failing crossed my mind at the time. “What would happen if I fail,” “I don’t want to fail and waist his money.” My dad made no attempt to calm me down; the only thing he would say was “you ready?” Now that was a rhetorical question any answer other than “yes” would result in a hot slap.

I walked in giving myself motivation. The examiner walked in and handed me my papers. She told me I would be doing a Math and English exam. She asked me the one I would like to do first, and I chose to do Math. As she handed me the paper she told me that I have an hour and thirty minutes. The math test felt easy up and till I reached question 25. I flipped through the remaining pages and realized that I had 50 Multiple choice questions, the remaining questions where non multiple choice. This caused me to start sweating in fear. I skipped question 25 and moved on “Is their any other easy question I could do?” I asked myself as I was running out of time. The examiner then walks in and says “Thirty five minutes left” and this is where I panicked “screw it A B C D!” I went straight to the non-multiple choice questions and could barely answer three questions. My heart sank after submitting the paper, I fought back my tears as the examiner handed me the English exam. Knowing how bad I did on the Math, I was determined to breeze past the English paper. I felt the English paper was somewhat easy, but not bad enough for me to fail.

The examiner checked my work and gave my father back the result. They discussed in Yoruba for a while, I eavesdropped, and only picked out phrases in what they were talking about. The were saying something along the lines of “he needs improvement, but he has been accepted.” A wave of relief filled me inside, and it must have been contagious because it showed on my fathers’ face. My dad now paid the school fees that I had so I could get my school clothes and books.

They sent us downstairs so I could get my uniform for the boarding house and for school. The boarding house uniform we would wear for any activity other than sports that took place downstairs. The boarding house uniform was a checkered blue shirt and khaki pants for the boys and a checkered pink gown for the girls. The school uniform was strictly for school and school excursions such as debate club competitions. The school uniform was a green long-sleeved button-down shirt with a tie and colored whine pants with black shoes and socks. I was absolutely disgusted by the uniform. It was evident that who ever had the idea of such nasty looking uniforms had no fashion sense whatsoever. The two colors did not fit together in any sense, my dad told me to manage the clothes because there is nothing we can do but get it fitted.

  The first year was off to a rocky start, friends did not come easy, I was a little secluded because I was missing home. I was falling a little behind in some of my classes, because it was pretty difficult for me to balance 11 subjects. I was doing Calculus, Math, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Computer, Catering, Civic studies, Yoruba, Geography and English. Some of these subjects I was being taught as a fresh subject. I had enrolled into the school as a year 11 student, and my mates have been taught these subjects since year 10. In order to make good grades I would stay back for tutorials, and I would read over night. It was not as easy as school in America, because I was used to taking only seven classes a school year.

In the school we had three terms a school year, I did not feel comfortable till the second term. I became friendlier but was not feeling true to myself. So I became a little more withdrawn and did not give anybody a chance to speak bad about me. Before I left I was a bit of a extrovert, me having the mindset of “I do not want to be here” really kept me from making friends. I still managed to figure it out because I could not help but talk. It was not until my second year that I began to feel more comfortable; though this was the year I felt more alone because my sister was not there with me, I became more independent. I started to branch out to more people than I did my first year. My dad would call me sometimes but it was not as frequent as it was my first year in the school. At this point I had not been missing home as much I was before and I felt more free with people.

The boarding house was pretty awkward at first primarily because of their restrooms; the place where we shower was not divided by any stalls or curtains. When we shower we could see each other’s private parts, which too me was very uncomfortable. It took me a couple days to get used to the showers. Inside the boarding house phones were not allowed, and this really prevented me from talking to all my former friends. Instead of phones, they allowed tablets sadly there was no free Wi-Fi. So some kids would hack the principal’s server and steal their Wi-Fi.

The boarding house was ran by the boarding house master, and the Boarding house prefect and the seniors. The school has elections that they do for every set of kids for every school year. The seniors were basically in charge whenever the boarding house master was not around. The seniors often abuse their power when it is given to them. The seniors bully their juniors. By junior I mean any student in the grade below. The boarding house had students from the 7th grade to the 12th. So the seniors had had wide range of students to pick on, I was in the 11th grade. The seniors gave the 11th graders some regard because they will soon be entering 12th grade so conflict between them was not much.

The prefects and students were allowed to belt other students, meaning that they could use a belt and deal with the students that were misbehaving. The boarding house master would use and object we called “cane,” which is basically like a tree branch. The cane could be used by a teacher, the principal and the vice principal. The boarding house master was known for his good arm. For an old aging man you would be surprised at how fast his hands move. The fear of being beaten by either one of those objects really got to me. So I was really cautious with how i acted in front of certain people and in different situations. I would often stop my juniors or mates from doing wrong to the juniors, but after a while I just got tired and lazy. Being mean to others people seemed to be the trend, which I nearly followed along to. The seniors do not like to be told what they were doing wrong, and when told it would result in a beat down to the students.

The experience shaped me to be who I was today; the nights I barely got any sleep really paid off in the end. It really opened up a part of me that I did not know I had. I had become more familiar with my culture and began to appreciate the side of me I did not know much about. I learned to appreciate what I had and I became more grateful for what I had. In Nigeria, not everybody has enough money to plan a trip to abroad, but I went there and came back. With all that I have seen in the country it had me thinking about how I could contribute to the society, a lot needs to be done to the country to speed up development. For that I thank God I went. Without the trip I do not think I would have sense of independence , I really went in to depth with my roots.

I have established a social network that will be useful to me in the future, the people I met will and can benefit me in the future. The friendships I have made with the people I met over seas I really enjoyed my time with will come in handy when I plan my return to the country soon.  You never know what you can do till you go through it alone.

[ideasforresearchingbetterspaces]

7th & 8th December

Digbeth First Friday at Vivid Projects and hosting Masters of Something

19:49 // 37.54 minutes Conversation transcript from tutorial with Cathy Wade

LS: I started making a rug just because I was interested in learning how to make a rug. And without me thinking about it, it was really about creating a safe space for me to have a seizure because I have epilepsy, and it was really about making a safe place for me to exist in a moment of heightened precarity.

How do you navigate yourself from a house with these kinds of spaces, to places where these spaces don’t exist? working class culture to something else? I’m not sure what that is because I definitely do not have the financial security that being middle class has. I grew up in Walsall and my parents had financial limits, so money was always a small thing. I’m proud of that. But now there’s always a bit of guilt that comes with being in an art school, where I’m sometimes teaching and doing an MA in arts education, and that isn’t working class – it’s not the working class I came from anyway and I’m often looking for safe spaces to be myself.

CW: I regularly fall out with a friend of mine, almost to a row, telling her she hasn’t got the foggiest idea about what she’s on about. She’s almost got this thing where she thinks working class culture is this thing where there isn’t really a culture; it doesn’t really exist. And I have family that have come from railway building, working in the pits, living in mining villages in miner’s accommodation and they grew vegetables and read books, they knew what they were doing, they were always informed. Somehow, we’ve lost that narrative where we’ve ended up with this idea that if you’re working class, you just have an interest in entertainment and that’s it, or your life revolves around going to the pub. These cultural things don’t fit in. I think there’s a real loss and it kind of suggests that if you’re going to make an impact in culture then you have to modify yourself. How do you think you have shifted?

LS: I dunno whether I have ‘shifted’, I’ve just become more confused like, for example, I was talking with Whipps about Jorja Smith who is a singer who went to my high school and she grew up like any other kid in Walsall, somewhat with piss all money and a thick black country accent but yet I hear her on the radio speaking, and I hear myself speaking in certain situations and the way we speak is completely different from when we grew up. And the same with Whipps, he grew up in Wolverhampton, yet you can’t hear that in his voice. You come to an institution and you speak with academically charged people with higher degrees or whatever and the way you speak just changes without you even really realize it. I think it’s just this working-class culture coming into an otherness where you feel like you just don’t belong and you try to change it. Losing accents become an easy way of doing that to disguise a layer of yourself you don’t want out on the table to discuss. When come into a university, or an art gallery, how do you enter the building without leaving an important part of who you are behind.

CW: Do you lose out on two different spaces? I can look back at where my family lived or where I’ve been brought up and we had a mixture of social clubs and spaces, and I can go back to it and completely understand it if I’m not in the social club I feel like a complete alien. I kind of found that with Longbridge, when I first started working with long bridge I was really interested with the social clubs and everyone kept asking why and I was like “because that’s where all the people are”.

LS: I can kind of relate. All of my family have been coal miners, all the men died in their early 50s from lung cancers from a life from 14 years old in the pits, my dad has worked in factories all of his life, all the women have been stay at home moms, and I’m the first person in my family to have gotten an A Levels, yet alone gone to uni and done an MA and really feel like I’m going somewhere new.

CW: There’s a really interesting correlation you’re talking about how that kind of space in which you can be epileptic or that space that’s safe but also this space that actively in a way I suppose how arts professionals has a sense of what arts professionals are. What makes them. I had my mother who was a complete overachiever and just went through it all, so you know basically I had things a lot easier on the basis of what she’s done so I wasn’t breaking the mould, it was just that thing that she’s done it and I was like oh that’s fine, that’s what you lot do. But what I find really interesting is that I go back and I see the family I don’t see very often, and we’ve all got the same interests, we just do them in different ways, so my aunt and my intersts are so similar except she expresses it through a community club and occasionally takes the local community on walks, and then I think about what I’m interested in and it is exactly the same except we’re both using completely different systems. There can be that absolute sense of refusal that can be really interesting where why should it change you? It was always that really big narrative that for working class families where if you wanted to get on, you’d have to lose your accent and then you’re acceptable and you don’t bare any weird signs of being anything else.

LS: I’ve noticed when my dad is on the phone, he develops this weird accent kind of like I do but like he doesn’t have any control over what it’s doing. For me it probably started when I went to uni when I was 18, so for the last 7 years I’ve unlearned my own accent, and now I’m realizing that, and I feel guilt. I’ve kind of forgotten how to pronounce words like how my mom does in order to cover the otherness. It becomes quite difficult when you try and undo all of that.

CW: There’s a really interesting thing that for years and years and years we had that kind of culture that if you think ill of every kid who comes from that kind of background where money has a certain financial limit and that effects how you dress, what you do, how you act, where you go, where you won’t go, and that kind of compared with what happens when people have privilege? And it quite often ends up wanting this weird authenticity that comes from these prescribed ideas.

LS: Walter Benjamin talks about ‘konvolutes’ which extends from an academic or literary sense of what intermediate relationships are in order to meet far-reaching sociological perspectives or what he describes as ‘a world of secret affinities’ or ‘mirror worlds’ and I thought do I really need to distinguish between all of these stages of research that I’m emotionally floating in and between more or less advanced ‘realized’ work… Whatever the fuck realized work even materially is or isn’t. How do make this? What the most useful thing I’ve done is throughout the whole of my post grad studies is conversations with mainly artist educators and me making work about stuff that isn’t about those conversations at the moment feels like a waste of my time. I need to figure out how to document this so it’s useful to me before it’s useful to anyone else.

CW: You’ve been on a really focused journey of research. However, you want to reflect this has to reflect what’s interesting to you. Don’t think about the people looking at the work, think about yourself in this and this works for you. What do you communicate? That alien-ness, it isn’t there, you’re generating the audience for this. All good artwork doesn’t let the behaviour of how the audience interprets the work, because the artist doesn’t give a shit. It would be a real shame for you to try and mash this into a form that limits it.

LS: Just now I was drinking with John Walker hahaha what the hell and the thing that really interested me was that he said he hates exhibiting because it’s so nuclear and it isn’t an important part of his practice process. I’m starting to think ‘fuck me, there’s got to be more important ways of me showing how I work’ because the people I want looking at it, aren’t really in art galleries, and they’re not really in art schools.

CW: Test it out this Friday with generative thoughts and see if it’s useful to you. See what happens. Utilize yourself and create something. Do something with that long piece of MDF that just sits there.

LS: So, going on from what the hell is realized work, I like that Walter Benjamin kind of a-likens this uncertainty to a mollusc’s shell, where it’s more entirely material that ever and more spectral alongside realism and essentially ambiguous in situations. Going back to this convolutes, I’m really interested in this assemblage of printed materials, manuscripts, and just STUFF, that belong together, and I think it’s really important for me to consider how I create visual or readable dialogue between a number of different works. I discovered a new word, phantasmagoria which is where a person enters to be distracted but as soon as I learned this word, I realized I throw others into phantasmagoria before I talk about what it is that’s really interesting me. Like a decoy, I’d drop “oh well I’m not really sure what I’m doing” when in actual fact I know exactly what I’m doing, I just don’t really want to reluctantly talk about it with someone I have to fight to keep their attention. In which case, I am nervous, and I’d really rather just keep it to myself.

CW: So there’s this book which I can’t remember the authors name but I’ll send it to you but it’s thinking about goth culture from a black American perspective and it starts to talk about histories of lynching, horror, and never really fitting in with this strange movement. It’s always about this positing and being outside how someone is accepted. It’s something that starts to articulate how you exist in spite of something, how do you exist when there’s these constant questions about belonging or territory or how much these people willingly give up and we know it with the art world because there’s so many artists who continue to have practices because they’ve got access to funds or access to a particular lifestyle where they can afford not to work 3 or 4 days of the week where if most of us look to that, we end up in crazy amounts of poverty.

LS: “Human beings are no better provided with what they need that the everyday world but in which they are freed from the drudgery of being useful” and on this note of usefulness or useful art, whatever that is anyway I don’t know, I came back to Tania Bruguera on Arte Util as a form of social art and to create or imagine something that’s useful or of a beneficial result and I think it’s important that its consistent and forms as an entry point to all audience, which goes back to how we started the conversation about how to we invite an epileptic into a space or how does a working class person feel not compelled to leave a piece of them behind when they walk through the door? How do you walk into a building without leaving an important part of who you are behind? How do we all contribute to something more useful? How do we feed of an organisation or institution as parasites but be careful not to damage the host where an exchange or sometimes in-exchange can happen?

The conversation continued...

Further reading: The Function of the Studio, Daniel Buren (1979): MIT Press

[daehquns]

( * kyong dae-hyun. )

♡ — * » KYONG DAEHYUN looks so cute on the beach !! apparently, ( he/they ) come from ( south korea ) and are a ( twenty ) years old ( pansexual ) ( demiboy ) ( med student ). other hotel residents described them as ( gentle + sage ), but also ( ambivalent - faint-hearted ). don’t you think they look a bit like ( PARK JIMIN ) ?

WARNING: this is really long, my dudes. so long.

hello hi hi, it’s SKY ( 2-o, she/her, cest tz, but an insomniac ) & this is my smol blob of confusion, so if their story confuses you, i succeeded. also this is easily my absolute favourite character ever, so ,,, idk random info. ALSO: i have an exam tomorrow, my peeps, so i don’t think i’ll be around till tomorrow but !! i can’t wait to plot & interact with all of you.

SORTA BIO THING:

[ MISCARRIAGE TW ] kyong daehyun was born in daegu, south korea on the 22nd of february 1997. they were sort of a miracle baby bc their mom went through two miscarriages before them ( she’s rh negative & the babies were rh positive n ,,, i wont explain the biology behind it, im sure yall know that ). they’re an only child. they’ve always wanted a sibling ( an older one ,,,, they always want the impossible things smfh ). so yeah, they were a bit lonely while growing up

they were a very weak child who’d fall ill quite often (their family used to call them aga/aggie/babybc of it … sorta stuck with them to this day ), so much that it affected their education. the poor bean skipped a lot of classes, so eventually their parents decided it was best for them to leave school. they were homeschooled !! altho they now have incredible work ethic bc of this, they didn’t have many friends while growing up :( they sorta didnt even get the chance to develop n test their social skills. they came in contact with their parents, nannies, parents’ business partners, etc … long story short, they were surrounded by adults. this made them VERY mature for their age, even back then.

the greatest discovery of their life was the internet. they had little interest in sports & going outside, so they’d spend their free time glued to the screen of their laptop, either watching movies, youtube videos & tv shows or getting to know strangers from across the world thanks to various websites & apps. they’d often stay up all night n ruin their sleep pattern in order to talk to their friends from other timezones. they made them so happy. so. happy.

their parents sort of made them pursuit a medical career, though, they literally have -10 interest in it. not 0. -10. they just want to make them proud, ok ?? especially since they’ve always been an incredible student n studying came easily to them. they were praised while growing up, so naturally they started thinking they were exceptional as well.

COLLEGE ! they. hate. it. hate it. like, they are fallin apart n are like “wow so what is this, i thought i was smart ?? they told me i was the most intelligent kid in the world wHY cant i do literally anything now w o w im so average yUCK”.  i mean, they still get good grades, but they ARE struggling.

[ PROFESSOR/STUDENT RELATIONSHIP THING TW ] … idk maybe someone’s triggered by that. anyway, there was a class that made them 11/10 done with life & they were sure they’d fail it n ruin their entire life, so they approached the professor ( who ,,, was rly hot n made hyunnie weak in the knees ok ) n were like “i will literally do ANYTHING in order to pass this class ,,,,,, pls”. like, they had 0 shame bc they were so done with it. n ,,, long story short, they ended up sleeping with the professor … ,,, multiple times. t was bc of the grade the first time, but … they’re pretty much in love with him now. and they’re a bit foolish, they hope he’s in love with them too. n idk they sort of dream about being in a real relationship with them.  l mao … my poor kiddo.

COOLER INFO THING:

nicknames include: hyunnie, dee, mochi ( i have to steal that from jiminieeee bc yes. my squishy bol of cuteness ), aga/aggie/baby. or just call them dae or  hyun honestly

daehyun is a demiboy ( they/them or he/him. if you refer to them as she/her, they will feel uncomfortable, but they will not have the guts to correct you. lmao one time they watched a woman make them european-style pancakes with nutella & cherries, even though they asked for a nutella/banana combo. they did not correct her. they ate half of it, left with a pout on their face n were sad for the rest of the day tHATS HOW ANXIOUS N SHY THEY ARE BYE ). anyway, as i said   ——   demiboy. panromantic ( very romantic, a huge dreamer. the type to imagine cute scenarios with their crush before falling asleep ). pansexual, though the most attracted to masculine physique buT !! they’re too self-conscious n emotion-dependent that they can’t have sex with just about anyone. n o. byee. like, the thought of getting naked in front of someone is terrifying to them, so they really need to trust n know the person. i wouldn’t call them demisexual though, since they do experience sexual attraction without having an emotional bond, they just … can’t let go of their ~stupid insecurities~

[ FOOD TW ] they don’t eat meat. yes, they do love animals n feel sad about those poor things, but that’s not the main reason why they don’t eat it. the smell, the look, the taste of meat makes them incredibly sick. when they were smol & had any sort of meat for lunch, they’d sit at the table for 5 hours n eat everything BUT the meat. most of the time, they used to give it to their dog who was v chubby bc of them. lunch was the worst time of the whole day for them, it was suuuuuuuper bad, especially since their parents didn’t understand their problem n called them spoiled. now that they are away from home, they’re super happy cause they can eat whatever they want ( sweets n pastries ). this bish ALWAYS has a lollipop in their mouth n a candy bar with them.

why are they obsessed with lollipops ? thanks to them they destroy their nails n cuticles LESS when bored, since their mouth is occupied. you can determine how life’s goin for daehyun just by looking at their hands. when everything’s good, their nails are painted ( the execution n design also say a lot about how much free time they have n how clear their head is ). when everything’s shit, they aren’t painted, they are bloody and sore, skin completely damaged, so much that it hurts to touch items with the very tips of their fingers. everything burns n they’re wincing 25/8.

they always have literally everything with them. you need a tissue, a comb, a hair brush, a band-aid, a hand sanitizer, a nail polish, some water, something sweet, a set of stem cells & a cure for every illness in the world ?they have it all. they’re always prepared for every situation. this is bc of their huge fear of facing a situation for the first time unprepared. also … you should never make them order food on their own or make a serious phone call or wtvr bc .. they can’t do that.

they’re fluent in english, but pls don’t throw big words at them :( they feel so embarrassed when they don’t know what something means. they go home & write the new word on one of their colourful cards, along with its translation to korean, a smol explanation & an example sentence n they have loads of those cards that they reread whenever they have time. when they learn a new word, they love showing off lmao dumbass

while they were back in korea n spending time on youtube, they used to watch a lot of kpop mvs + makeup tutorials n fell in love with makeup n wanted to look as beautiful as the people in those videos. they started stealin their mother’s makeup n used to be awful at paintin’ their face, but got better with time. they used to save money for eyeliners n primers n highlighters n all sort of shit n they’d hide all the products in their room n play with them whenever they were home alone. they know it’s their true passion& call, but they are so discouraged by the fact that they can’t even walk outside wearing makeup. they aint confident enough & still don’t think they can pull it off.

they made a new youtube account with the intention to post their own tutorials, but … mm, there’s still 0 uploaded videos on that channel

i’ve been struggling to decide which hair colour to go with … black, platinum blonde, silver or pink n i chose …pink.

they’ve never been in an actual relationship. never cuddled, or did couple-y things. their professor took their virginity, so … ya. that’s one of the reasons why they’re refusing to let him go.

[MEDICATION TW] as i mentioned before, they were a weak child who was often sick and had bad migraines ,,, this sort of got them hooked on medication ?? like, they will convince themself that their head is hurting and jus pop a pill without any need to do so ,,,, like, they are 110% sure they need pills to function normally every single day.

nature !! the world !! they love it.

aesthetics hoe !!!!!!!!! will sell their soul for the things that please their senses

they know how to draw well. they lololololove drawing comic book characters. like, they have their own characters already

dancing !!! especially contemporary ! bc ,,, i have a lot of those gifs n icons that i gotta use

loves apples ?

wants a cat. d e s p e r a t e l y

PERSONALITY:

i think it’s quite obvious that they’re a very anxious, shy & alert person 24/7 and i guess that you can see how their upbringing had a lot to do with it. i don’t view their shyness as cute and adorable, but they definitely aren’t grim either. they’re just closed-off. they’re not used to sharing personal stuff with other people, at least not face to face. online, everything’s different.

most of the time they’re like … “uhhhhh, people - i’d rather not. that can get me in a lot of awkward n uncomfortable situations n i’d rather avoid that’. they don’t find solitude depressing. they enjoy their alone time, they find comfort in it. they are very aware of the fact that their social skills suck & as i said a part of them doesn’t give a damn, but … another part is worried bc if they truly want to be in the makeup world, they will have to learn to be a people person, have a fantastic charisma n ,, talk to people ? lmao

their zodiac sign is pisces n they HATE IT lol they’re like “i’m not a whiny baby emo dreamer ew go away” so they keep telling people that their zodiac sign is aquarius bc it’s close enough n they find them cool n admire the description of the seemingly stoic sign that goes through life with their brain rather than their heart. they love to think that they’re strong n logical, that they’re not emotional … but that’s not the case. it’s all an act really

once you demolish their shell, you’ll find the most adorable creature in the whole entire universe ?/ they also love tellin stupid jokes. they almost never finish them bc they laugh too hard at em

they get attached to people VERY easily n then they can’t live without them n that freaks them the fuck out. like. they fall in love ten times a day. im. not. kiddin.

they’re all about living life to the fullest, they just have a bit different vision of what true livin is lmao

philosophical af ? hates small talk, always wants to talk abt deep shit

the type to send you memes and stuff that reminds them of you

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

this is so important. online friends. they met online a couple of years ago ( we’ll figure out how ) n now they’re both here and ? hyunnie is so scared to meet them bc they’re afraid that person won’t like them irl, but the desire is bigger than the fear !

similar to the previous one, but it was a long distance relationship ( it ended bc the distance was too much ig ). they only chatted, but they know everything about each other. they were infuriated every single day bc they couldn’t physically feel each other, but they still planned a future together, or at least meeting irl … maybe they now finally have a chance ?

crush. as i said, hyunnie falls quickly for a person. it can be unrequited. it’s just someone they daydream about n sigh over. or it can be the other way around, but hyunnie is quite clueless n doesn’t pick up on their hints.

friends ?? the plot depends on your charrie tbh but dw about it, i usually have 57430865026701348 ideas, so ya.

i have no idea what else ,,,, imma go make a wanted connections tag n reblog some plots probably. bUT HEY feel free to send plots my way, i luv that

[melancholic-melodies-blog]

Getting Slandered by Someone You Cared About...

I am the Mystic known as Melancholic and I have been on the CH server now for about three years. I absolutely love healing and always believed that the greatest healers are the ones most caring even if they happened to not be very skilled…

Healing is a passion for me, and it shined the most when healing for people who were having trouble finding others to turn to for help. Feeling left out is something I believe we have all felt at one point, including myself. My heart’s desire was to help people in Tera and make as many friends as I possibly could in the process…

As time went on, my skills improved due to the nature of most of my runs being ones with those learning. While most of the other skilled players on the server setup small statics to efficiently grind new endgame content, I would literally spend hours upon hours helping different people overcome HM dungeons. This not only helped the server grow by increasing the amount of skilled players being able to do endgame HM content, it also started a name for myself and my reputation grew...

(Right Click Here For Full Image) Why I believe great healers do not have to be those of high caliber skill. I am not perfect and make mistakes, but I was there to support others no matter what their skill level was...

Recently though, I have been under fire by particular individuals or groups who would like nothing more than to slander my name away. Why they would do this I can only speculate, but have a pretty good idea on some reasoning behind it which I will get into later...

I’ll start with a few names who seem to make slandering or personally disliking me one of their hobbies in Tera. Each of these players I have had positive relations with in the past and I will post screens and videos to prove what they may deny or say otherwise…

Hikari

I believe my first encounter with Hikari was around the start of the SSHM era. Being from another server and guildless, he had trouble finding people to take him along runs. What little amount of skilled players that were clearing at the time either knew nothing about him or were too busy with their own statics to do any runs with those that were new or didn't know…

I remember that the information of Hikari having trouble joining runs with skilled groups on the server came directly from him. Though I have no logged screens of the conversation prior, I do have old videos with one of the first SSHM clears we ever did together...

(Right Click Here For Full Image) Naturally, I took Hikari in without a second guess and helped him with some of his first clears. Some of the runs we were in lasted many hours, but I stuck with him regardless and helped him in any way I could like I had with so many others...

This video consists of Tira and Sho’s first clear. Hikari claimed that this was his second clear, but this was his first full run clear. Essentially, I had helped him along with so many others from guilds all over the server register on the crusades board for the first time...

Much time passed after those runs before hearing from him again…

Back during the first month of the rally system being out, very few knew exactly how rallies worked. I noticed that by not fulfilling all of a guild’s daily quests, you would be given an additional chance to accept another rally which would appear right on the hour before actual reset…

(Right Click Here For Full Image) Since this information was not commonly known back then, my chances on being the first to accept a rally were incredibly high. This along with several techniques I used ingame helped ensure that my guild would get rally. No hacking or scripting was involved...

Unfortunately, tension developed in the server and Hikari was no exception. He whispered to me that I was cheating with a script and also didn't like the fact that I would sometimes change channels to spawn the BAM. My computer has memory problems and having so many people grouped up attacking at once often causes it to crash, hence why I swapped channels. One thing I did do was announce what channel I was on in Area Chat right after summoning...

After constantly hearing about his attitude towards others and seeing screens of his trash talking, I ultimately decided to block him. Second hand information shows complaints were made by some of his very own guild mates in efforts to get him kicked from Limited Edition. There are quite a few people on the server who feel he has a terrible attitude as well...

Even his own girlfriend agrees that Hikari is rather hateful and bad mannered to others...

Today, Hikari still resides in Limited Edition and is generally a hostile player to whoever is unskilled or happens to be on his bad side. You may often see him speak ill will of not only myself, but several other individuals, particularly those that sometimes struggle within the game…

Pomf

I also met Pomf around SSHM patch. He would literally spend hours having LFGs up that no one would join. Noticing this, I would often join to help him whenever I could…

A tutorial video I made for a Priest on SSH mechanics before the nerf. Pomf, who was still learning at the time, was included in this one along with so many other times back then...

I encouraged Pomf to not give up and keep trying to reach out to make more connections. He stated he was on the verge of server transferring back then... 

However, Pomf started showing signs of being a rather contradictory person. The total amount of different guilds he had switched over or been kicked from in such a short amount of time was rather high. Pomf also started showing lots of disrespect towards not only other players having trouble with their class, but also to the server as a whole...

Pomf was a very bitter person with lots of envy and ambition back then. Now that he has become a more skillful player, he has forgotten from where he came from, spitting and taking advantage on players having the same troubles as he once had. Such a vicious cycle...

When it came to seemingly unfair advantages, he would nobly complain as if he had high moral principles. However, he would seize the same opportunity for himself and exploit the very people that were in the same situation as he once was…

Wise words of wisdom but not entirely true as there are good people on the server, just really hard finds. I guess it is okay as long as Pomf is the one doing the fooling and exploiting? Perhaps he feels his actions are justifiable due to his feelings that nobody else has high moral principles and only look after themselves...

Pomf was notoriously known to delay rally for nearly the full two hour period, usually waiting to spawn the hidden rally right after the main one is spawned in. Though there is no rulings against this, it would cause much griefing within the server as well as increase bad reputation for the guild he was in...

Today, Pomf is part of Limited Edition, one of the guilds he used to complain about ignoring him and constantly gouging the Trade Broker with Imperator Boxes back when the rally system first started out…

Painful / Shiver / Adam

Painful was a player I had met long ago before I started making records of anything and we used to be good friends. I would listen to his problems via Tera or Skype and be there for him whenever I possibly could…

I had noticed Painful before, but it wasn't until FIHM that he added me. He was still a Teddy back then...

Though he had a temper and was up to the point of server transferring or quitting Tera all together, I persuaded him otherwise and helped calm him down whenever he was distraught… 

Most of his problems involved feeling excluded, something I could relate to. I admired him for sticking to a class that many no longer played instead of switching over to flavors of the month...

But things changed when he turned his anger and frustrations towards me...

During the start of the SSHM era, I was constantly being asked for help by much of the CH community, up to the point where I started scheduling reservations if I was too busy on a particular day...

After joining a run Painful invited me to, I ended up having to stop midway due to a scheduled run from the day before. Since then, he started griefing me about it to no end...

About two hours later after talking about how much he hated statics, Painful invites me to one of his own. I generally try to avoid statics unless necessary. People can and will feel left out, much like he was describing himself during DS2...

Painful continued to harass me on Tera for weeks after, saying things such as I only cared about clearing and not helping others which was absurd. I literally spent hours upon hours wiping with groups and helped put others on the board. Many people credit me for helping them with their very first clear on that dungeon; having the patience that so very few skilled players have for those still learning…

Blinded by jealousy for others, Painful often jumped to conclusions, always expecting the worse. Even when the evidence against his suspicions proved otherwise, he refused to believe any explanations other than the ones he came up with on his own...

Painful removed me from his friend’s list, deleted me off Skype. I ended up blocking him on Tera in order to keep focus as he kept sending negative messages to me during my runs. Many months past after…

When RMHM first came out, I ended up being invited by Kry to assist her group for their first clear. Painful was in the party, but despite having him blocked I went ahead and stayed to help. Right after, Painful wanted to add me once again to his friends list, but I declined…

Declining Painful’s friend request put him in a rage and he immediately started logging on to multiple characters to send me messages full of insults. After I blocked all of them, he then sent me these messages on Discord...

Seeing how he reacted helped me realize that I made the right choice in declining. I had spent many weeks apologizing and trying to explain those many months ago. Instead, he kept calling me a liar, deleted me on Skype, and never apologized back...

(Right Click Here For Full Image)

He now makes claims that I ditched him for a run with Limited Edition, but was actually a Meta group that was scheduled in advance. The only LE players clearing simply refused running with anyone else other than the small five person static they had set when the dungeon first came out… 

Painful surprisingly plays as part of Limited Edition now, the very guild he complained that I was skipping out runs with him on. We have not spoken since...

And there you have it. Three players that had a difficult time in the past getting runs and were on the verge of transferring/quitting until I extended a helping hand to support them where no one else they currently are with would. Now they are pressuring me to quit Tera with their hatred. Now we must figure in why...?

My overall guess is jealously, particularly Hikari. The points he makes with how people think I am the best Mystic ever along with him calling me “The Mystic Princess of CH” shows signs of aggravated jealousy. He has literally made it his mission to discredit me and prove everyone wrong…

I am the Mystic Princess of Celestial Hills apparently...

He seems to think that I self proclaimed myself as the best Mystic ever, server or NA wise. But I have never made such a statement, though you may see it said by others. He also seems to make claims that I badmouth and spread lies about him and anyone else that didn't praise me of believed me to be good...

I have everything on the table here when it comes to you and I. About our past history. Many know how harsh you can be to the server and its inhabitants. I never victimized myself. You did...

Funny, I have never stated I was the best at what I do and usually downplayed what others see me accomplish... 

Hikari’s girlfriend Anna also has taken a disliking towards me but is often incorrect with the assumptions she makes much like Hikari himself. Blocking her due to attitude has likely helped fuel Hikari’s hatred towards me as well...

Painful seems to show jealousy in a different way compared to Hikari. The fact that I put obligations first made him to believe I didn't care about him anymore. Then he started adding words on from there as if it were a mad lib. For Painful, it is mainly about him as being the most important entity and that I should put him first above everyone else, something I am unable to do as everyone is special to me...

I cared much about Painful, which is likely why his section of discussion has the most details. It hurt the most whenever he said I didn’t care which was not true...

Pomf is so two faced I don't even know what is up with him. I can only come up with the fact of me standing up against his trash talking to another aggravated him as much as it did to me…

He wasn't all that great when first starting out either, which was why he was ignored by the other skilled players back then. In fact, no one is great at first, not even myself. We all have learning curves and some take more time than others to understand. Harassing and talking down to those having trouble doesn't help as it may end up depopulating the sever. People will give up just like he was about to if there is no one there to support you...

Of course, this doesn't all end here, and not with those listed. There are much more conflicts and events going on in the background that many do not know exactly what is going on due to either not having all the information or being fed false information from those that hold grudges against me…

Since then, I have been rather quiet about it, letting those say whatever they please against me in order to get a better grasp on my situation and reveal those that support me and those who do not. I often set up events to determine what exactly is going through a person’s mind, behind the facade they display towards me...

Astraleah recently revealed her opinion on me as well after my sudden departure from the Mercy HH raid discord and seems keen on spreading rumors and discontent about me as well...

I wonder what friends of yours that might be whom speak ill will of me...?

Another reason on my silence is my own reputation. CH is a server where the skilled based community is so small that should you be disliked by it, you will essentially have no runs with a clearing group. My efforts to counter this by helping others have mostly proved futile, something I may go into detail about in the future...

In the end, I am tired of it all and up to the point where I don't care about my Tera reputation with those that are in popular guilds or skilled players on CH. I will continue doing what is right; helping others that are having trouble clearing hard content and making new friends that will be there for me when I need them most. However, I will actually exercise more caution on who I am helping. I wish to help the server grow by improving the amount of skilled players in it along with befriending them, but not at the cost of them turning BM or becoming an elitist, ignoring the very people that they once were skill level wise...

[coin-river-blog]

Darknet marketplaces (DNMs) provide a wide range of services beyond those commonly portrayed by the media. One of these is the provision of pain relief drugs for the terminally ill. In this guide, we run through the process for obtaining CBD, a cannabis oil compound that provides comfort to people suffering from chronic pain, anxiety, and mood disorders.

Also read: Darknet Buyers Flock to Wall Street as Dream Winds Down

The Darknet Is a Refuge for the Desperate and the Downtrodden

In 2016, a close friend of mine was diagnosed with terminal cancer. As part of her therapy, she began self-medicating cannabidiol (CBD), derived from the cannabis plant. It helped her to relax and to sleep better. Every time she purchased CBD capsules, she was technically breaking the law: in Britain, as in many countries, cannabis products are illegal. Last year, an outcry over a seven-year-old boy denied the right to use CBD to control his epilepsy seizures prompted the government to soften its stance, but the oil still remains all but impossible to obtain for pain relief purposes – only doctors can prescribe it in extremely narrow circumstances. Even in the U.S., companies such as Stripe refuse to process payments for CBD.

On October 31, my friend lost her struggle with cancer. She was 29. The following day, the law permitting the prescription of CBD came into effect in the U.K. For anyone who finds themselves in similar circumstances to my friend, CBD oil can help to make the pain manageable as well as minimizing discomfort. If you’re not fortunate enough to know a cannabis grower, the darknet is your best bet for getting hold of the stuff. Here’s how you might go about doing that.

Wall Street market

How to Buy CBD on the Darknet

Like many bitcoiners, I’ve bought an array of wares on the darknet over the years, but until recently, I’d never purchased CBD. With the normally reliable Dream market in the process of shutting down, I elected to make my purchase from Wall Street. Its Tor address can be found on sites like Deepdotweb and Darkwebnews. Because I already use the Brave browser, I don’t even need to download Tor to pay a visit to Wall Street: a Tor browsing tab can be opened directly within Brave.

From there, I log in to Wall Street and browse the drug listings. (If you don’t have an account, it only takes a couple of minutes to set one up. Be sure to choose a unique username and password). Wall Street accepts bitcoin core and monero for payment. In this case, I’ll be using the former since I already have some BTC to hand on a mobile wallet.

Since I’m based in the U.K., I’d prefer to order from a seller in this country for quickness and because domestic mail attracts less suspicion. While CBD oil is at the lower end of the scale when it comes to classified drugs, it’s still illegal to purchase here. I filter my search results for U.K. sellers only, and soon I’ve found my CBD supplier. A note of caution before ordering: always check the seller’s most recent feedback. The one I’ve selected looks legit, but as a glance at the feedback for other sellers shows, there are some lowlifes out there:

The Purchasing Process

One of the cool things about Wall Street is that funds don’t have to be deposited into your account on the DNM – instead they go directly from your personal wallet to the seller’s, with multisig preventing the funds from being released until you’ve marked the order complete. This provision also protects customer funds in the event of the market committing an exit scam.

The CBD listing describes “30 x 35mg THC/CBD oil capsules” and promises to be the cleanest and purest product on the market. “Capsules are produced from concentrate extremely high in DELTA-9 THC (58.8%) This is sky high for Delta-9,” reads the listing. “We recommend 1 capsule to be taken at a time.” Using PGP, I encrypt my delivery address and sign the message. This means that only the seller will be able to decode our correspondence; even if the marketplace is compromised, law enforcement will have no means of descrambling the data. Deepdotweb has a good tutorial on PGP; once you’ve gotten to grips with it, it only takes a few seconds to encrypt and decrypt messages, and is a measure that’s well worth taking.

Within minutes of submitting my order, Wall Street has generated a unique BTC address for the transaction, which I complete using the Bitcoin.com Wallet.

15 minutes after that and the payment is marked as received. Two days after that, a padded envelope lands on the doormat. Inside a smell-proof and scan-resistant silver bag is a ziplock pouch containing 30 THC/CBD capsules. While I must now undo my anonymity by writing an article about the purchase, if I were a cancer suffer, I could now set about self-medicating in peace and quiet. Cryptography and cryptocurrency are a beautiful thing.

What are your thoughts on using the darknet to purchase medicinal products that cannot be obtained easily by prescription? Let us know in the comments section below.

Images courtesy of Shutterstock.

Disclaimer: Bitcoin.com does not endorse this product/service. Review editorials are intended for informational purposes only. Readers should do their own due diligence before taking any actions related to the mentioned company or any of its affiliates or services. Bitcoin.com or the author is not responsible, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with the use of or reliance on any content, goods or services mentioned in this article.

Kai Sedgwick

Kai's been playing with words for a living since 2009 and bought his first bitcoin at $19. It's long gone. He's previously written white papers for blockchain startups and is especially interested in P2P exchanges and DNMs.

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[shirlleycoyle]

The Department of Suicide

In this darkly satirical speculation, Blake Montgomery imagines a world where the drive towards wellness is not only fully institutionalized, but omnipresent. Hope you enjoy this multi-tiered story—you’ll see what I mean in a second. -the Ed

In a white concrete cell under St. Leticia’s, a doctor from the Department of Suicide sat across a plastic table and questioned Catherine Gabriel as to why she had chosen misery over standard-issue happiness.

“How are you, Ms. Gabriel?”

“I wish I could talk to Ursula again,” Catherine said. She crossed her arms and wiped away residual tears. She still wore her school uniform. The Department did not believe she was a danger to herself or others.

“Why is that?”

“I would tell her that what we were doing was weird and fun for a while but that we should’ve stopped before it got actually dangerous. I didn’t think any of us would get hurt. She was my first childhood friend.”

“Why didn’t you think you would get hurt?”

“I thought the three of us were just playing a game,” she said. “That’s how everybody thought of the scanners anyway. They didn’t seem real.”

“Did you ever intend to improve your condition?”

“I did want to get better, but Ursula and Thomas were the only friends I had an actual connection with. They wanted to feel bad, and I wanted to be their friend. Sadness was a statement to them. They weren’t so wrong, either. I hated what school did to all of us. I hated it even more than that awful emptiness we all were dealing with. Mendings don’t fix it. The kids you treat come back like smiling zombies. Then our teachers haul them in front of the class and ask how happy they are. Always happy, they always say. They grin. They don’t stop grinning. But they never remember the treatment.”

“You were not ‘dealing with’ your negative and depressive emotions, Ms. Gabriel. You were nurturing them.”

He paused to pull up notes on his tablets: “Ms. Lawrence wrote in her journal, ‘The only young people in history anyone cares about were rebels — those kids whom parents saw as rude and precocious and incomprehensible. So what does that make me?’ Did you share her sentiments?”

“Can I talk to Thomas?”

“We’ve only just begun.”

“I know, but I’d like to speak with him, please. I’m worried about him.”

“If the Department finds you to be in a suitable state, you will be sent home with strict prescriptions, both psychiatric and behavioral. The results of your evaluation will determine whether you are allowed to speak to Mr. Isidore.”

“Why?”

“It is no stretch to say that your friendship has yielded negative results. It is one thing to participate in national mourning at the Half-Mast Sadness, but it is something else entirely to live in vacant despair on purpose. The latter is a psychological crime against your community.”

“I guess.” She twisted her hair. “We call your department School Shooter Central.” “What did the meditation feel like?”

“Why should I tell you if you won’t let me see him?”

“You may refuse my interview, but the Department will access the information it needs with or without your help or consent.”

“If I do talk to you, then can I talk to him?”

“That may be possible. It becomes a more likely possibility if you do.”

“Fine. Ursula described what we were doing best: ‘Anxiety becomes tranquility, sadness becomes enthusiasm, and resignation became a rosy openness to new things.’ It was beautiful.”

“How would you meditate?”

“Since we’ll be here for a while, I’ll tell you about a typical morning.”

*

*

School was the only place with trees. There were three in a triangle that protected us like a pentagram where we could summon and dispel our worst selves. We each sat, back against the bark, eyes closed.

Ursula was the one who got us into all this, so she led us. She taught us how to breathe, how to zoom into the zones of our brains that the scanners focused on, and how to make mental hands to mold the clay.

I went to the back of my head first. I woke up with a ball of black feelings that threatened to burst into the rest of me. I had to massage it, soothe it, knead it until I felt it loosen, ooze a bit, and then dissipate as a bright yellow peace down my back. It was a quiet thrill when I felt it thrum through my feet.

We stayed sitting awhile. Then, together, we walked to school and passed through the How Are Yous with scans as clean as washed fruit.

*

“Did you know at the time it was disingenuous?” the inquisitor asked.

“Who’s screaming?”

“Likely someone in a Mending.”

“Aren’t they supposed to be therapeutic?”

“Therapy is not always gentle. Mental illness can be an unruly enemy.” “Enemy?”

“Happiness is the guiding star for everything the Department undertakes, Ms. Gabriel, and should be yours as well. The goal of any society that rises beyond barbarism is to maximize happiness and eliminate its opposite. I am interviewing you now so that you can reach your own happiness. Every person has it within them.”

“I was happy.”

“You were not.”

“Before I started meditating, I mean. I was happy, but I was unsatisfied.” “It is possible to live through dissatisfaction.”

“But not a lifetime of it.”

“Strictly speaking, it is. You may dispute quality all you wish, but life and death remain a binary. Additionally, satisfaction is far more challenging to engineer than gratification or enjoyment.”

“Can I speak to Thomas now? I want to know he’s ok.”

“I’m glad you brought up Mr. Isidore,” the doctor said, flipping through his notes. “Before he refused to speak with Department medical personnel, he said he had been happy to be depressed, that he preferred it to ‘the monotony of imposed contentment,’ a phrase he borrowed from Ms. Lawrence. He believed he was cultivating what he called ‘a mind free from external inference.’ Did you share his sentiments?”

“Yeah, that sounds like Thomas. Grand, but just a bit off. I bet he meant to say ‘interference.’”

“Did you share his feelings?”

“Yes. I couldn’t think without worrying about the consequences, which gave me even more anxiety. My parents read my journal. My phone eavesdropped on my conversations and never turned off. My school scanned my brain. I didn’t even have private space in my own head. I could only worry about how I was the only one feeling different. And why? Asking that only made it worse. We meditated to hide for just a minute. We wanted to shelter ourselves from the blast of your eyes.

“There are so many things we’re not allowed to do. Most of them we can’t control. There are chips that let our parents move our bodies for us. You can zap into our brains and crank our emotions, and you only ever ratchet them up. So choosing sadness looked powerful to Ursula and Thomas and eventually to me, too. It was a dark freedom. There. Isn’t that what you wanted? Can I talk to Thomas now?”

“No. You may speak to Mr. Isidore when you both have completed your Mendings to the satisfaction of the Department.”

She sighed. “Fine. I don’t want to kill myself, after all.” She fidgeted.

“Ms. Gabriel, please refrain from mentioning evanescence.”

“Isn’t that what we’re here to talk about? Me not dying?”

“We at the Department prefer to focus on the possible positive outcomes, such as how much life and happiness you have ahead of you. What do you imagine when you think of your future?”

“I imagine making more friends and finding things in common with them other than our brain scans.”

“Where did you get the idea for meditation?”

“Online mindfulness tutorials. Ursula would send them to us. We’d use her family’s home How Are You to test the effectiveness of each one.”

“Why did you trust Ms. Lawrence with your mental health? She had developed an obsession with her own scans at the expense of her true emotions and conduct. She would sometimes scan herself six times in a night, far more than the recommended two per day. Hardly a stable caretaker or leader.”

“I knew she believed the worst thing a person could do was betray their friends. I was sure she cared about me. I trusted her. We would listen to music a lot and dance in her room or mine, usually playing videos on every wall. Sometimes she would just do that by herself. I think other people would laugh if I asked them to do that.”

“The Department regards this behavior as deleterious to the mental health of the individual and her community. You know that.”

“Yeah, well, there are some things you can’t figure out by cutting up someone’s brain.”

The agent wrote notes on his tablet.

“Can I ask you something?” Catherine said. “What do you want from me?”

“I am determining what treatments would be most appropriate for a possible Mental Mending.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I would like to catalogue your emotions without conducting an invasive mental investigation.” Still scribbling.

“Again, same question. And when did you start having a problem with raiding people’s minds?”

“It may surprise you that, as a doctor, I have taken an oath to do no harm. To that end, I would like you to answer my questions, which, so far, you have.”

“How did Ursula die?”

Not looking up from his notepad, he said, “That information has been redacted.” “Do you have it?”

“Knowing how Ms. Lawrence ceased would not aid in your recovery, Ms. Gabriel. It would hinder it.”

“Where is Thomas?”

“Mr. Isidore turned himself into the Department. Unlike you, he has declined to speak with his parents.”

“Is he ok?”

“The Department is evaluating him.”

“How?”

“That is confidential.”

“Is it an interview like this? Are you hurting him?”

The doctor finished his notes. “Allow me to share an exchange with Mr. Isidore that is indicative of his situation.”

*

Mr. Isidore at first refused an interview with Department interrogators.

After an hour, however, he decided to argue for his cause: “What we did wasn’t wrong. I miss Ursula, and I would give anything to have her back, but I’m not angry at her.” He chafed at his arm and leg restraints.

“The way we all live, all fine with feeling the same, is a joke. She refused to do that. She lived as herself.” He attempted to bite one of the guards holding him.

Indeed, and she ceased as herself as well, the Department reminded him. When asked what he would have done differently to save his friend, he said, “She made a choice, which is all we were ever trying to do. We wanted to decide something for ourselves for once. We’ve never known what that felt like. Part of me is happy we did it.”

Though he did not consent to a mental probe, the Department was obligated to perform one, as he rebuffed all further questions. Examining his inner thoughts, the Department found that his motivations were not so ironclad as they initially seemed. The Department found that during meditation he agonized over whether he should pursue his friend’s wayward dreams or surrender to the care of his guardians and the government. He obviously made the wrong choice. The Department’s analysis yielded information useful for determining the course of his Mental Mending.

*

The inquisitor turned off his tablet.

“Ms. Gabriel, your Mending will consist of a typical inpatient drug regimen and and 24/7 supervision by Department psychiatrists while you remain in our care. The initial incarceration period of your Mending will not be abbreviated and will include an Emotional Reset Injection in your spine. This procedure involves a short but painful recovery.”

“Let me talk to Thomas. What did you do to him after he said all that?”

A Department enforcer opened the cell door. Twice Catherine’s size, he closed his hands around her arms and forced her to her feet.

“Let me go! I have to see him!” She twisted and writhed in his grasp but could not break free.

“Choose to be happy, Ms. Gabriel,” her interrogator said. “You will enjoy the world a great deal more, even here. Many before you died never feeling any peace of mind at all. You will never see Mr. Isidore again. Take her away.”

The Department of Suicide syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[stopsubstanceabuse1-blog]

Latest Version 1Z0-216 Brain Dumps Practise Questions

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Media Digital Storytelling 

The Wellington Mount Street Cemetery 

Brianna McGuire 

I have demonstrated digital storytelling through space/place, Wellington Catholic Mount Street Cemetery.

I choose to do one of Wellingtons oldest cemeteries, the Mount Street Cemetery. The graveyard is a shortcut for students to Victoria University. It provides access to the back entrance of the university. The reason as to why I selected this space/place is because I have walked past this cemetery many times, I have also even explored the place on many occasions after my classes. The destination has always intrigued me and I feel like a lot of students can relate to me with the cemetery. This area means a lot to me as I have fond memories with friends looking around and hanging out at the location. One vivid memory I have the place is when I and my friend finished our long 2 film lecture we saw the cemetery and fathered explored it as we had time too. I remember seeing a 4-month-old child headstone and it absolute owe.

The Mount Street Cemetery is an early Catholic cemetery. The place covers a lot large portion of the hill. The view is stunning as you are able to look over the CBD of Wellington. It is easily accessible due to its location for students during their break times between lectures and tutorials. The cemetery opened in New Zealand's first Roman Catholic bishop, consecrated the cemetery in 1841. The place remained open until 1892 plotting in large family groups till 1954. Over 1150 people were buried, however, there are only 320 headstones and 1 wooden cross remain. With a wide range of ethnicities such as Irish, English, Italian, Maori, Welsh, Australian German and much more. Imperial soldiers who fought early wars with the Maori for land were buried in there. There is also Catholic burials containing the first priests and nuns of Wellington. The graveyard grounds were poorly preserved, Fennel and weeds grew. Goats and cattle roamed, eating the flowers surrounding the headstones. Cleaners stated in 1882, maintaining the space. Over the years gardeners have kept up the maintenance to make sure it’s in pristine condition.

Originally Wellington City Council owned the land but eventually sold it to the University. People believe the cemetery should not be neglected and be used for something else. They wanted to convert them into an open space for students, installing seating and paths. However, friends and family of the Mount refused and protested. They were successful conserving the cemetery as to this day it stands as the oldest Catholic cemetery within Wellington. The friends of the Mount Cemetery received a few sponsors such as the Lion Foundation ($6,000) for headstone repairs. In 1991 Victoria University currently owns the graveyard, there are maintenance workers to keep the graveyard in pristine and clean condition. However, Due to students being inconsiderate and disrespectful towards the environments, there are still cigarette butts throughout the cemetery.

I believe that the cemetery has changed quickly over the 23 years. Including the Urban development (University) the people, land, the scenery and the way people appreciate the space of the graveyard. Walking down the hill from University, I always witness a student smoking or eating at the place. Due to the time and era, it is not gratefully appreciated. Students do not know that men fought and died in war to own this land. It has also changed and affected the way I look at the graveyard, as there is more to it than a pretty view and a place to eat/hang with friends. I strong validly state that there is more to it than some random cemetery, as you are smoking a cigarette enjoying the sunshine you are unaware of the 1150 people dead beneath your feet. People are oblivious and ignorant to this important monumental piece of land. When many years ago people fought many wars to live on this beautiful land. My fond memory of witnessing the young 4-month-old gravestone, I understand and appreciate my life during this era of time. These children did not have technology or advances to help cure their illness or even keep them entertained. "We are agents in the ways a space takes on meaning through story, and mobile media are offering transformative ways to tell a wider range of narratives ( Farman 1)”. I am able to tell my story through social media technologies and make people and students more aware of my fond memories and important history that happened within the space. Technology has largely affected our generation and the way we perceive spaces/places“we are now remapping places through mobile technologies, which poses the question of how our relationship with local spaces may be changing (Gazzard 1)”. 

Work Cited

“Stories, Spaces, And Bodies: The Production Of Embodied Space Through Mobile Media Storytelling.” Taylor & Francis, 2017  

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/22041451.2015.1047941.

Gazzard, Alison. "Location, Location, Location: Collecting Space And Place In Mobile Media." Convergence: The International Journal Of Research Into New Media Technologies, vol 17, no. 4, 2011, pp. 405-417. SAGE Publications, doi:10.1177/1354856511414344.

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