#i'm 8 years in and just now finally realizing how to cast magic in different mediums

[lampadions-pickle]

I told Father that I love him, genuinely. Set called me his Child, offered me divinity in whatever small way he can offer it. I declined. He raised an eyebrow, the usual with him. Said my rejection of Him makes him even more curious, I told him in response that I'm just a guy.

[luliho]

Manga I read in May!

I made a real effort to get back into reading manga this month, thank you MariMite. Thoughts and ratings under Read More!

Maria-sama ga Miteru (9?/10)

MariMite my beloved 🫶. Initially I picked it up due to it's influence on Love Live's Hasunosora but I immediately fell in love with it in its own right.

It's a yuri series that I expected to be much more subtextual than it is. I was led to believe it was more of a "close friends w romantic undertones" series and it gave me more. There is a character who is very explicitly in love with another girl and her story really touched me. And the main character is absolutely in love with her senpai and her feelings of "is this admiration, do other girls feel this way?" also resonated. Also it's pretty dramatic and I love some drama. I love my girls. I read all of the manga there is in English and have moved to the light novel/anime. I love this story! I love these girls!

It also inspired me to read as much as I could find about the history of the yuri genre and it was fascinating. I am also watching rather than reading Onii-sama e so don't worry. I'm doing my homework (it's so good too. Love the animation and directing style)

Magical Girl Dandelion (10/10)

SO GOOD. There's not a lot out at this point but fantastic premise for a magical girl series. It's different from any other series I've read and I wouldn't really classify it as a typical magical girl story or an edgy subversive one. It's just good! Best of both! Just go read it. It's about a magical girl who learns her longtime protector is one of the monsters she's supposed to fight. It has a lot of interesting ideas so far. (just don't make them date please)

The King's Beast (7/10)

After accidentally stumbling upon two manga I loved more than most, I decided I'd just binge a bunch of manga. The King's Beast was a highly recommend fantasy shoujo and yeah! It's good.

I like the protagonist and the ensemble cast but I think it was weirdly paced. Too many twists and we didn't spend much time unpacking major moments, just moving on to the next major moment. Like the premise is that the main girl wants to kill the prince in revenge, but by the end of the first couple chapters she realizes he didn't actually do anything. Tension gone. But the art is gorgeous, the characters are fun, and the good moments are GOOD.

Dawn of the Arcana (8/10)

Mistreated princess from a small weak kingdom gets married to a man who kinda hates her. Also her personal guard is a Revolutionary. Much going on and it was very good!

I knew Kings Beast was set in the universe of another manga. And I liked it enough to continue. But it turns out it's not JUST the same universe. You should definitely read this one first 😭. And I liked it more! I feel like the characters were a little more flawed and complex and I enjoyed both male leads. And I loved the protagonist a lot!! She made a lot of tough decisions I want to see protagonists make. And knowing her story made the ending of Kings Beast a lot better in hindsight. They're thematically linked in a satisfying way.

The Water Dragon's Bride (6/10)

Girl is sacrificed to the dragon god but he keeps her alive out of curiosity. The story spans many years of her life and how the world responds to her as the dragons priestess. Also it's an isekai.

Final manga I read from this mangaka. It was fine! When I was earlier on in it I thought it would be my favorite. It had some really interesting ideas. But I just didn't like the execution and ending very much lol. And I was hesitant to read it because of the child MC but she ages throughout the story before any romance happens. But like. Still. I wasn't a big fan. I liked the dragon god as a character but not the romance. I liked second lead a lot better.

Prince Freya (10/10)

Village girl has to pretend to be the prince after he dies due to their similar looks. Her childhood friends are knights who serve the prince (now her!) except one of them dies in an attack so our main girl is basically navigating a war breaking out and pretending to be a very popular prince who wasn't actually all that similar to her.

So good I stopped reading it online and am waiting for my physical volumes to arrive so I can finish catching up! I think this series hits the right level of tragic and heroic that I wanted from the other fantasy shoujos. I do want to see characters die and be sad and struggle. There were moments that had me texting my friend in a panic. In a good way. And I LOVE Aleksi truly my favorite love interest in any of these. I also love the way Freya has to harden over time to be a prince but she never loses her desire to be kind. It's a careful navigation of her character. ALSO very good villain (so far). Thank god we have an actual character instead of the villain just being A King who is evil. It's funny and it's sad and it's sweet and the cast is so wonderful. Fun side characters, a complex main character, and whatever Julius has going on. I may be an Alexsi fan but I can never hate a main guy as weird and mean as Julius. Yes king replace the prince in your heart I'm sure that'll be healthy!

Firefly Wedding (9/10)

(I can't find any screenshots even though I KNOW I took them)

I was really surprised by this one! It has a yandere assassin male lead who honestly reminds me of Henry Fire Emblem. And that's not really what I go for but people said it's really good. And yeah, it is!!! I love our main girl so much. She has a terminal illness and believes she has to get married for her family's sake before she dies. Then she ends up having to make a deal to marry the assassin. We watch her try to figure out plans to get out of it but as they journey back to her home together they get closer and she starts to love him. But like you understand it when you read it. I get it. I want her to be happy with him. And it's so nice to see her choose something for herself! Also beautiful art!

Except I will say they introduced a new guy who wants to marry her. To get in the way. And honestly? I love him. That's my guy.

Fushigi Yuugi (it's complicated/10)

90s shoujo isekai classic that doesn't hold up in some major ways! Queerphobia particularly. Nuriko I'm sorry. And there's a lot of sexual assault. But the heart of the story did resonate with me. I love Yui and Miaka's friendship very much, and I really did enjoy the climax of the story. It was really exciting. I have a lot of thoughts on it that I can't really express. But I think I liked it but wouldn't really recommend it.

Also I didn't really like Part 2. It probably should have just ended where it was planned to end.

QQ Sweeper (8/10)

A girl with a mysterious "curse" and a dream to find her (rich) Prince Charming ends up fighting bug monsters via cleaning. Including cleaning up negative emotions.

I saw people saying Queen's Quality is one of the best modern shoujo and this time I was smart enough to look for the prequel first! Anyway I was very pleasantly surprised by this one. I'm not quite finished with it but probably will finish and move on to Queen's Quality tomorrow. The protagonist is very endearing and very funny, and her love interest isn't boring either! Yay! I also think the magic system and lore being all about Cleaning is really endearing. It does honestly make me want to clean. They're right. It DOES make you feel better! Shaping up to be very good. I'm excited to read Queen's Quality.

[ariparri]

Veruca Then vs Now

Hello! Not officially back because I'm still taking my break from here but I wanted to share this. As the title suggests, I will be sharing all the things about Veruca that I've changed throughout the year. I recently started looking back on Veruca's character on when I first made her and realized just how different she is to the Veruca everyone knows today.

Not sure how many facts I'll be going over, but this will be interesting. Let's get started!!

Before officially becoming a Hogwarts Mystery OC, she was made for the Golden Trio Era. She was three years older than the trio and hung around isolated places such as the astronomy tower or the owlery.

Veruca was originally a daughter to deatheaters but was later disowned when she refused to follow in her family's path. She was then forced to become a deatheater when they ambushed her during the attack at the Quidditch World Cup.

Veruca was originally supposed to be shipped with Carson but I ended up liking some characters a lot more than I initially thought. And now I can't view the two as anything BUT siblings.

Veruca's old concept design had her with slightly tanned skin with black hair. And you can't really tell from the image, but she also originally had fiery orange eyes. Clearly different than the Veruca we're all used to today.

Veruca's personality had her much more colder and intimidating due to her being a daughter of death eaters and then eventually disowned by them. She also preferred being alone, even telling Carson she didn't want any rumors about him going around. She was also much more moodier than how she is now, quickly losing her temper at the slightest thing.

She was originally skilled at 'dual wand wielding' after stealing someone else's wand and practicing with both of them. That was later swapped for wandless magic.

She originally hated her brother Coby. Their relationship wasn't exactly great. With Coby being the pride and joy to their mother, was always being neglected by her mother. Veruca's relationship with her mother was very bad. Wilhelmina outright telling her that Coby was the only child she was proud of and that Veruca was merely a child who kept making mistakes. The neglect made Veruca desperate for her mother's affection that when Coby went missing despite being happy about it Veruca didnt hesitate to try to find him hoping that by finding him her mother would love her. Now her relationship with her mother isn't entirely great now, but it's clearly a lot better than before. Wil does love her daughter, but as an Irish woman, they tend to favor their sons more.

After changing Veruca's backstory, she was also going to have an older sister named Cerise. Technically that was a placeholder name but let's roll with it. She was disowned and never mentioned by the family due to her psychotic and sadistic view. Veruca never liked her as she was always physically or verbally abused by Cerise. During the search for Rakepick in the forbidden forest, instead of her showing up Cerise does leaving Veruca frozen in her spot. She tried to fend Cerise off but eventually fell short when Cerise casted a spell towards Rowan to distract her before Cerise casts a spell strong enough to send Veruca flying back badly wounded that she needed to be sent to St. Mungo's for recovery. This was now changed to be more of an au and the original storyline was scrapped.

Veruca runs away from Hogwarts and everyone after she couldn't take any more of the dangers and stress from searching for the vaults, and the fact her friends were slowly turning their backs on her after hearing them talking about how much she just needed them for the vaults or how she didn't really care about their feelingswith the exception of Carson. This was scrapped in favor of the one now, this is now an au idea instead.

Veruca was planned to die within the final vault where she materializes into nothing right in front her friends' eyes. Has now become an au idea. And a drawing idea

The original idea for the final vault was to have Veruca sacrifices herself from her friends' memories so they no longer remember her. She doesn't bring herself to interact with them again, and would rather suffer alone with her own memories of everyone else. Also now has become an au idea in favor of her story now.

Veruca was also supposed to have another sister for her deatheater backstory. Her name was Heidi and she was 8 years younger than Veruca. Their relationship is a little rocky as they used to be close when they were younger but Heidi was always told not to play with Veruca. When Veruca was disowned, Heidi was told Veruca had betrayed the family which angered her.

———————————————

Well, that's all the things I was able to recall for Veruca's past concept. I'm sure there was more hidden in my memories somewhere but these were the ones that I remembered the most

I definitely like how Veruca is now as compared to back then. She has definitely gone through a lot of changes throughout the year. And I'm glad that there are people who actually like her character! I was a little worried about that honestly xD

I'm also working on a new post regarding genderbent Carson and Veruca. And maybe I might also make a Then vs Now post for Carson too!

What are your thoughts on Veruca's character back then? Do you like her now or did you find her past portrayal interesting? Do you have anything to share about your MC from how they were when you made them to how they are now? I'd love to read about them.

I'm just gonna tag this as #MC Then Vs Now for future reference because I know I'll make a similar post for other characters of mine =w=

[phenomenalcosmicpowers]

In a recent post on I Dream of Twilight Sparkle I said that I noticed asks that were not in my inbox the last time I decided to read through my entire ask box. So I did the same for my mod blog. And while there were some also that I didn't see before. Most are questions I feel either I feel like I may have already sufficiently answered enough with my thoughts on an episode and/or it'd be weird at this point to answer something that's obviously years after the fact.

But there is two I found that I feel like I may want to respond to. The person who sent it was someone who used to discuss the show with me almost all the time, though obviously they must no longer be on Tumblr as all their blogs are deactivated. But I still want to answer since it is sort of relevant to recent stuff. Particularly in their 2nd ask.

By the way, I'm always open to questions on the show or even non-pony topics here on my modblog. I still do love talking about G4 ponies and I wouldn't mind some questions if any of you would like to know my opinion on anything. Now that the show has been over for nearly 2 years , I can have a perspective on many topics about Friendship is Magic that I wouldn't mind sharing. Maybe some things have changed here and there, though I think I still generally have a positive attitude towards most things for certain. I stuck with the show until the very end, and was satisfied with how it ended. And I still have interest in doing more in G4's world even as G5 approaches. (Though I'm sure perhaps once that movie has aired that may be the focus of any questions sent here)

((My answer and more after the break))

For the most part, I think I still generally agree with what I said in my initial thoughts about the Season 6 finale. It's a solid episode with some great interactions between Starlight, Trixie, Discord, and Thorax. Though the way the ending is executed is a bit of a headscratcher. Maybe somewhat less so since thinking about it now, like even if Chrysalis did keep some things loyal. What would stop them from eventually seeing what Thorax's changelings did shortly after.

But I suppose I wanted to answer this mostly about Starlight. Since while the Season 6 finale made HomerJ get over some remaining feelings about Starlight. I'll admit it took literally until writing Secrets of the Dragon's Tear (A year after the show was over) to realize the sort of potential that Starlight had. The baggage from the Season 5 finale always felt like a cloud above her for the entire rest of the show's run. And I consider Season 6's largest mistake is not trying harder to endear us to Starlight. That's what that season's entire job was, to try to make us feel a little better of how rather rushed Starlight's redemption was by giving us a more expanded look into Starlight's character. And unfortunately, I feel like it failed at that in my opinion. Thus I basically disagree (Though respect the opinion of) with those who would say the Season 6 finale was when Starlight finally won them over.

Don't get me wrong, I like how Starlight is portrayed in the episode. But it would of been stronger if say the season had explained more about Starlight's past. How did Starlight get her cutie mark, and given her opinion on Cutie Marks how did she feel at the time?

Instead, we mostly just got Starlight reuniting with Sunburst that didn't exactly give any more details to her rather vague reasons for turning to darkness from him moving away other then finding out Sunburst's personality and how his side of the story went. And from there we had Starlight befriend Trixie... in an episode I still don't really like to this day.

Ironically, the character in the Hearth's Warming episode that casts Starlight as the story's version of Scrooge (Snowfall Frost) is given more reason to sympathize with then Starlight herself.

Starlight then just about disappears up until the episode that introduces Thorax. Where she doesn't do much other then be among the crowd that Spike has to convince that Thorax is not evil.

The next time we see her is Every Little Thing She Does. Which is something of a controversial ep from what I hear, though ironically despite my skepticism of Starlight at the time. I actually sort of liked that episode since it was basically Starlight's own Lesson Zero. Though I get why Starlight deciding to hypnotize all the Mane 6 besides Twilight against their will would not be approved of. Though it does feel like at the very least Twilight and the rest give her enough of a piece of their mind at the end.

And that's how things stood before the Season 6 finale happened. Even though I do think Starlight has good moments in said finale, nothing earlier in the season really dispelled many of my feelings about the Season 5 finale's ending. So despite a good showing, I could hardly care for it. I wasn't convinced yet we were given a satisfactory answer about the many questions that Starlight's sudden redemption prompted.

Another part of my thoughts I feel still applies is when I mentioned that Starlight's a "Diet Sunset Shimmer" (Which considering what I did to link the two for SOTDT, is a bit funny in hindsight). It took just one movie (Rainbow Rocks) for the fanbase to turn a 180 on Sunset. While an entire season with Starlight as one of the good guys goes by and she remained just as divisive as before if not more so by the end of Season 6.

Come Season 7, and Starlight appears quite a bit more often though under the assumption that the Season 6 finale was enough to warm you up to her. There were many complaints during the first half of Season 7 that she was appearing more then she should (Even in an Equestria Girls special where she got to meet the character she was so often compared to). Though another thing about Starlight in Season 7 in hindsight is besides from her meeting a few more friends like Maud. Starlight isn't actually given much to actually work towards. They dropped the whole student aspect so it's not like she was doing friendship lessons under Twilight anymore (Though I suppose on the bright side for the detractors, it lessened worries about her becoming an Alicorn). Season 8 and 9 does somewhat fix that by having Starlight employed at the school, first as a counselor and ultimately ending with her as the school's Principal as Twilight herself got promoted to sole ruler. Which I'm still unsure about if fans of her character feel that was a proper ending for her. Though probably the best that could of been done in context of not much having been done with her over time.

Still, at least for me personally it felt there was alot missing about Starlight and as time went on it became obvious I wasn't going to get the satisfactory answers about her that I wanted. So as a result, I only had lukewarm reactions when a new Starlight episode was coming up. It also didn't help that there were two episodes that raised my hopes of at least one interesting aspect that would of been cool to see. The first being the episode "All Bottled Up" which I had hoped would mean it would be an episode that's somewhat genie related. And then there was Road to Friendship where Starlight and Trixie try to travel to Saddle Arabia (which is an important location in I Dream of Twilight Sparkle)... and yet never actually get there. So even on the few times that I was hoping to be excited about a Starlight episode, it dropped the ball. Partly my fault for getting so hyped about something that wasn't promised, but I would of loved to at least SEEN canon Saddle Arabia.

I'd never say that I hated Starlight back during the show's run. But she was a frustrating character for certain back then. I couldn't hate Starlight as much as some others did, but at the same time I couldn't like her as much as others. She was in likability limbo. For every fun and or good moment that included her, it's brought right back by either lingering problems that arised from the Season 5 finale or otherwise dropping the ball in some way.

In some ways, she's still a frustrating character. Though that's just how it'll always be with the canon Starlight. It's up entirely now to fanon to give their approach on Starlight that was never done in Canon. With SOTDT, I obviously did a bit of a "Fine, I'll do it myself" when it comes to making Starlight a more satisfactory character for me. Though I'm sure there are many interpretations that are vastly different from how I approached it that can satisfy others and probably be more popular and better written then mine. (My interpretation might be understandably controversial just for Starlight being put back on a path where she'll likely become an Alicorn eventually. Something Starlight detractors feared the most. Though I think I at least try to explain as best I could that makes sense with the story, her cutie mark moment being similar to Twilight's, and the identity of her mother. And I myself sort of feared Starlight becoming an Alicorn might happen, so for me to actually write it so that it might be inevitable. That's just how much of a 180 I've taken on Starlight because of writing SOTDT)

I think I mentioned this before, but I can pretty much say that in a way that I can actually say I like Starlight now. But sort of in a "FiM's biggest missed opportunity" sort of way that it becomes sort of sad to look at how canon Starlight was done. Rather then me simply shrugging her off back when I didn't care so much about her. I also understand it's a bit cheating to say I like Starlight now after doing my own sort of fanfic that had her in a major role since that might be me tooting my own horn a bit.

Though I will say as much as necessary that I am very aware alot of what happens in SOTDT would have been impossible to do in canon and I don't plan on pushing what I did to expand on Starlight's backstory as gospel. It only applies to what I'm doing on the blog, I will not be making a case that my interpretation is the only correct one. I'd actually welcome seeing some different interpretations on things such as who Starlight's mother is, what they feel her past was like outside of the Sunburst leaving incident, and/or especially how Starlight originally got her cutie mark. (I've even said my personal guess is different then how I did it in SOTDT, as my guess is she got it the first time she discovered the cutie mark removal spell). Cause if nothing else, I've realized Starlight is a very interesting character that I think would be fun to explore all the possibilities with. It certainly could be something for those still on the G4 train to talk with one another about.

[mimzy-writing-online]

I'm incredibly sorry for this ask , but I'd like the opinion of different writers. I have this story I have finished. It's has been re-read, edited, polished. It's technically done. The story is consistent, the pacing is okay. But what I don't like is how the characters are portrayed. They lack life, and I think it may be because during the years I improved my writing, and now I'm sure I'd be able to do better. What would you do? Would you rewrite the story from scratch? Thanks in advance.

First, no worries about asking for advice. That’s legit what I’m here for. And having been in the same position you are now, (twice) I know how impossible it feels.

Off the bat, advice I would recommend: 

Beta Reading: Get some fresh eyes to look at it, ideally someone who 1) reads books in that genre and that age range, and 2) has no obligation to worry about your feelings.

Thoroughly consider why you want to rewrite it: make an actual pros and cons list. It sounds silly, but it helps because you realize what decision you’re arguing for, what your instinct says.

Give yourself a shot at attempting a rewrite. Give yourself a set time limit to try it out. Your current book isn’t going anywhere and publishing takes forever anyway, so what’s another month or another three months?

At the end of this trial run you can ask yourself: Did a rewrite make it better? Do the characters and their world feel more alive? Even if it looks like a mess, given more time to finish and edit, would it look better than the original?

If you find you like the characters better, if you feel like you know them better, then you can consider going through the book and highlighting where they feel out of character compared to your new understanding of the characters

Watch Whispers of the Heart. I mean it! It’s a Studio Ghibli movie, and I swear to god it will inspire you and make this decision a little easier. The whole movie is about developing your creative craft. Its overall analogy is that of a geode. Your craft looks rough and sloppy on the outside, but with time, practice, and love you’ll find the beauty hidden underneath and make it shine. Amazing movie, it will change how you think about writing.

Now, finally, ask yourself: Is this the story I want to debut with? Is this the story I want to begin my writing career with?

This will be when you make your decision.

That’s the most objective advice I can give you. Since you’re asking a lot of writers for their stance, you’ll probably have a few different opinions, but I think running through this troubleshoot method will give you a chance to see for yourself.

My biased opinion?

It comes from my own experience with A Witch’s Memory. 

This is about to be a very long story, fair warning, but it’s my entire thought process over 7-8 years of working on and off with the same project. A big part of the reason why I’m going in depth about the experience is because I keep going back to what you said:

“I think it may be because during the years I improved my writing, and now I'm sure I'd be able to do better. What would you do?”

The same thing happened to be. I started the series when I was much younger, but in the 7.5 years since then I’ve changed a lot as both a person (not adult/not teenager) and as a writer (who’s had several projects since then). I’m gonna walk you through 7.5 years of personal development and how it affected the project.

I joke that A Witch’s Memory has three universes, and those universes are all different rewrites. I first started the series I was seventeen. I finished the rough drafts of three books in the series and got down to full on editing the first book after I graduated high school. Within a year I had a finished novel that wasn’t necessarily polished (not by my standards today) but at the time I was ready to move forward and publish. I sent query letters out to lit agents but didn’t get any bites back. I didn’t get to work at it for long due to health issues, my whole body kind of just crashed so for six months I was too sick to do much of anything, let alone stress myself out over query letters. I started community college the next semester and got more involved in school than in writing.

17 when I started, 18 when I started editing, 19 when I queried and got sick, almost turning 20 when I started college.

I put the book on hold for another year and focused on school. During that time I had a lot of personal development as a person. I got more experience being myself, being an adult who can make decisions for themself.

And I realized that at age 19 I’d developed a lot of insecurities about my book.

In my case, it was the world building. I love my characters, and at their heart they’re still the same, albeit a bit more realistic. I re-examined what about the world building I didn’t like.

It felt too much like Twilight to start, with the way vampires and werewolves were supposed to hate each other, and witches and fairies hated each other, because that just made sense to a 17 year old who had never read paranormal before Twilight changed the direction of the genre.

I didn’t like magic being a secret that no human could know about, so I changed that. I didn’t like my character’s backstories too much, so I tweaked that too. For the best.

At age 20/21 (it was right around my birthday) I rewrote the entire first book. After finishing the rough draft I looked at editing it, looked at starting the rough draft of the second book, and I realized I didn’t like this version either.

So I put it on hold for anther two years. I worked on two different projects, experimented with writing style, got to know myself as a person better.

At 23 I reexamined what I didn’t like about “Universe 2″ and I realized-

I wasn’t comfortable with the way the book was written now. Too many main characters meant to many pov changes and too many personal plot lines to plan. I could see from the beginning how much I favored Anna and Ulric and Felix over my other main characters, so I cut my cast of six main characters down to three, focusing on my favorites. I also saw that the setting wasn’t working for me and it would be a lot less stress for me to chance the setting to somewhere I was more familiar with, setting it mostly in America instead of the U.K.

And I decided to stop worrying about what my past beta readers would think if the book didn’t look the same in “Universe 3″ and to just run with my heart.

(For any wondering, the beta reader in question is my mum, who has been the biggest supporter of my writing since I was 14 and believed I would be published even when I was ready to give up writing and work at a different career. She’s very attached to “Universe 1″ but it’s not where I want to go, and I know she’ll love this new direction when she reads it)

I started the rough draft for Universe 3 in January of 2019 (almost a year ago to the day I’m writing this). I did it on a whim. I had a dream of Anna and Ulric flying to safety from a villain on a broomstick and I asked myself why witches never had broomsticks in my old world, and I was like “why not, let’s add it”

And I just messed with world building. I aimed it for a more whimsical feel than my older angsty versions. I’m gonna blame all the Studio Ghibli movies I saw that year. Some of my local theatres have been doing special weekends where they show the movies, and I’ve gone to see four in the last year or so. I saw Kiki’s Delivery Service a few months earlier with my best friend (A) and then a month after starting the new draft I saw Howls Moving Castle and Spirited Away (same week, I think, all in theatre) and then as I was finishing the rough draft I saw Whispers of the Heart for the first time.

(this was the moment I realized that specific movie would help A LOT on this decision making process, so I included it above)

Anyway, I just gave myself permission to go in a completely different direction with my book.

I should note, that at 23 I had been visually impaired/blind for some 3 years, although it wasn’t medically official until I was 22. I’d also fallen in love for the first time and broken my own heart. I’d also spent the last two years struggling with gender and sexual identity and really starting to understand that part of myself. 

So in general, the whole experience with those last two years of my life really changed the direction I took the book. 

I focused more on internal struggle as well as the outside “main bad guy” I’d always been planning to work with. It 

I kept the heart of my characters the same. Anna is still the kindest person you’ll ever meet, as well as sarcastic and brilliant and studious. Ulric is an anxious mess who is crazy loyal to his friends and who wants to gain his own independence. Felix is still a brat, but a loving one with the dryest sarcasm and a penchant for mischief.

Anna’s more cautious than her original incarnation. Ulric wasn’t disabled in previous versions (but at 23 I was disabled and I wanted to write a blind character, but I didn’t want blindness to be their only trait, so I took my most developed character and made him blind). Some of the characters are POC instead of white, I let myself have multiple LGBTQ characters (because 17 year old me thought the token queer was the norm because I only had one queer friend before that and we weren’t that close) and I changed some origin stories. It’s much better for that.

Growing up taught me how to put more life in my books, how to write more realistically less melodramatically, and what it feels like to have friends. Seventeen year old me didn’t have many friends in life, but 24 year old me has some wonderful friends.

Summary in Short?? (can I even do that?)

This advice post is getting long and I’m feeling bad, so okay, here I am: I’m almost 25 (in March). 17 and 23 year old me were very different people with different priorities and different levels of experience. And if I had to choose which book I would go with? 

I’d stay with Universe 3 (and Universe 1 will just be a thing my mum and I know and keep to ourselves, mostly)

I’m nearly done with the 1st edit. I still have days of self doubt, but they’re nothing like what I had years ago. I’m closer to publishing than I was before, mostly because I have a solid plan now and I’ll be self-publishing, allowing me to publish on my own.

In my case, rewriting was the best decision I could have made. I’m not everyone else though, nor am I you. You know yourself and your story better than anyone, and I know you are the most qualified person to make that decision. I have confidence in your ability.

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 4(SWAP)- “I'm happy if anyone goes but these bitches' mouths are sealed”-Raffy

I prayed for a swap... and now I'm regretting it. Honestly, kind of got tribe swap fucked. There are 4 original tribe members and then... me and Owen ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE FROM OUR ORIGINAL HOUSES. So... the odds are NOT in our favour. Hopefully maybe we link up with Juls and Chips and potentially set ourselves down as a four.. but also maybe that four isn't tight and I can wiggle these hips into a majority somehow. Straight off the jump you can tell that Landen/Matt are probably close. They have the same interests, same age, and both don't shut up so.. I can see it. I've played with Lily in the past and she's lovely. We weren't exactly very close and she got robbed by a twist but.... hopefully we can try and pick up where we left off. Chips is... lacklustre. I know when I hosted him he was a busy man.. so maybe it is different here. I AM ALSO OBSESSED WITH JULS. So hopefully she's just as obsessed with me and we can work together but I do see similarities in our games and she's someone who when I saw cast reveal I instantly knew I wanted to work with. Honestly, I know the odds might be stacked against me but.. I'm gonna work harder than a hooker on a busy night to get everyone here to love me and keep me around. PS: I miss Jacob ALREADY.

heyoooo WE MADE IT TO A SWAP!!! so basically hufflepuff was the last in-tact tribe standing, meaning we had all 5 players remaining while slytherin had 3 and gryff/raven had 4, meaning a swap right now COULD work well in our favor, and it did, except for meeeeeeeee my ENTIRE tribe (with the exception of me) got to STAY on hufflepuff, meaning I am alone but not only am I alone, every other person on new gryffindor still has someone from their original tribe and the split is 3-2-2-1, so no one tribe has a majority that overpowers the tribe as a whole since theres 8 people, but I don't have someone to fall back on as much as they might because they all have someone in a similar situation as them. HOWEVER, I did get swapped onto a tribe with jacob and jules who are two REALLY good friends of mine, I have known jacob for like 5+ years, and jules and I were a final 2 actually jacob's big brother series (sry we voted you out again sammy :c) so i am hoping i can find solace in them and maybe their relationships can also become my relationships? but its still scary to be the only person of your og tribe because just by process of elimination you could be easy pickings, so come tomorrow, as its still the night of the swap and most everyone just went straight to bed, i need to get boots on and work some social magic. But i wanted to make this confessional to give my first impressions of how i feel about my new tribe mates! we'll just go in alphabetical order autumn - she seems really cool, she turned it out in selfie scavenger hunt for her tribe which was awesome and hopefully we as a tribe can winning due in part to her dedication, all i know about her is that she played crossroads with jake p who i know and that she WON i think she's fairly well known in the community and its partially if not mostly for her good gameplay? she strikes me as the quieter but more strategic type, shes not gonna make big huge moves but shes gonna set herself up perfectly to make those undetectable moves that no one really sees and then she gets to the end and you think what did she do?? and then you realize when she blows you out of the water with her utr gameplay, but also who knows dan - DAN!! me and him played ts manhattan beach together, which was... a time, we were not really on the same side i believe we voted together a few times and worked together for the sake of making a move but neither of us were ever in the others inner circle until the back to back rounds where WE WENT OUT!!! i voted with him as the only person to do so when he left at final 7, which i dont think he believed in the moment but has since realized thank goodness, but i wanted him to stay in that game and maybe voting with him even tho it got me 6th right after and us ending on a good note actually was a good thing? what i know about him is, he is SMART, but i think he lets it show a little much, he seems passionate and very into the game and when things dont go his way i think he struggles to see the logic outside of his own, which makes sense the guy is really smart im sure if he believes something is wrong he has a reason to but it can make working with him unless your undyingly loyal to him a piece of work. if my memory serves me correctly i believe i tried to pull some fast ones on him in mb, where i lied and voted differently or maybe blindsided him a few times and then tried to damage control that and it caused distrust when the time came and i WAS being honest. so my gameplan now is if i end up wanting or needing to work with him (the jury is still out on that one as its like 2 minutes into the swap) but if i do work with him i want to be as upfront as possible and i want him on my good side at all times, like i said he's passionate so he has a FIERY side and i dont wanna be on the receiving end of it. joanna - me and joanna played tashirojima together and..... i may have blindsided her a couple times too.. maybe this is a wake up call for me, BUT ANYWAYS, we played together and we're aligned but i was playing the middle and then i chose the other side and she tried to vote me out and then i worked with her again and then i turned on her again and then i made final 3 and then she voted for me.. so now that we're all caught up, she's a good player, she is very smart and extraordinarily strategic AND loyal, but i dont think she takes to dishonesty very well, not personally but just in the game, i think she sees a clear smart and she'll do what she needs to make that move happen and she's fairly good at it from what i've seen and heard. My other point with her as opposed to dan, we played but ended up on different terms, i voted her out and then she voted me to win, so i think we're fairly informed on how the other plays and that could work against me BECAUSE I WAS SO FLIP FLOPPY IN TASHIROJIMA but hopefully i can bandaid it up and say oh i've changed im tired of stressing every vote i just wanna be loyal find a group and play out with the people i trust yadayadayada which i DO maybe not RIGHT NOW but i do!! anyways im getting away from my point, she's smart, i'm smart (kinda?) it will either bring us together or drive us apart its all reliant on how she feels, personally i would like to work with her bc i do want to be loyal but i want to be in a group that is also LOYAL and also WORKS, i dont wanna jump on just ANY ship, i want to be on the BEST ship, the one that's gonna sink LAST, when all the other ships are capsized and fully submerged. so we'll see how that goes nicholas - i do not know nicholas much at all, i haven't heard anything about him before this game nor during this game, he seems really fun and nice though, i appreciated his intro video it was chill, as for how he plays i have no information on that but i think him and jacob worked together or at least got to know each other so maybe i can get some info on him from jacob we shall see...... raffy - similarly to nicholas i do not know the guy unfortunately, i got a tidbit of info from an unnamed dr guest who was not fond of him, not a very good start BUT i am not going to let that influence me, im still going to go in with an open mind when i talk to him tomorrow and hopefully i have a different opinion and he's really cool! but yet again we shall see as for jacob and jules who i mentioned above i wanna touch on them a little bit because the dynamics there are much more complex, 1. jules is my number 1 in this game, i adore them, i love them, i will do anything for them, BUT thats how i played candyland and jacob HOSTED THAT, he knows how we played individually AND TOGETHER, but more importantly, he knows how CLOSE we are, and if you wanna hurt one of us you take the other out, i dont know if he would DO THAT but he might which leads me to my 2nd point... 2. i have voted jacob out of like every game we have played together lol. BUT I NEVER WANT TO !!!! i love jacob, he's wild and polarizing but he's a good friend just a good person all around but when he plays he can be emotional and in tashirojima i made a move against his number 1 and i didnt want it to divide us but it did because he wouldn't talk to me, so when i had planned to wiggle back in with him he didn't allow me to and i had to vote him out for it sadly, and then in 2020 our last game together, he was practically dead in the water and did himself no favors with how he handled situations with sammy so while i would have voted with him if it meant saving him (sorry sammy) that was not on the table so i had to vote him out, and it literally sucks EVERY TIME, because i love jacob but him in games always puts me in those positions and i hate it, and i told myself i dont wanna do him dirty, well i never WANT to do him dirty, but im going to try and actually avoid a situation that puts me between a rock and a hard place one of which being having to vote him out. but yeah so while i trust those 2 there's some things that could come out of the woodwork that may not be good for him but hopefully i can prevent those or get around them. its not very long into this swap so i may be overthinking and being paranoid but aha ha haha .. ha haa. *raven symone voice* YEP! THATS ME! ok anyways i could be very off in this "assessment" if you wanna call it that but i was bored and its 3 am so i wanted to confess, here's to making it to a swap!! WOOOOOO

OWEN AND I ARE FINALLY ON THE SAME TRIBE, YAY!!! I'm really sad that Kevin is now on a different tribe and all alone but hopefully he can work his way into a good alliance or something.  That would be a really hard spot to be in.  Also when I play these things I'm bad about just talking to a handful of people and not talking at all to others but I am being VERY SOCIAL this came I messaged the people that hadn't messaged me already and I want to keep up a conversation with everyone, I NEED to keep my social game strong and start thinking about endgame.  

so the tribes swapped last night and before you ask, YES i was blessed, YES i got the right house. i was sorted onto hufflepuff as i deserve, because we are the best house, and i got 4 pretty cool new people on my tribe. oh i also happened to get 3 other hufflepuffs which is great for me because it means i am in the majority :D that was such a marshmallow move, and now i don't have to worry all too much about going HARD on social play or anything like that i can just sort of chill, remain a UTR threat, make new pals, and stay on the right side of things via being in the hufflepuff majority. i'm also well positioned here i think as i have max and juls in sort of weeb trio, but ruthie/lily/myself had a sort of agreement max would go if puff lost. on top of that jess seems really funny and i think we'll get along, i might have a harder time with chips and owen but we'll see because they seem nice. (just not sure if they're people i'd personally bond close with, but that may just be because they're newer to me! it's all a mystery!) i'm also obviously very tight with juls, i love her a lot and we were close in 2020 and will continue to be close here! she is the definition of the word legend and i would throw my own game away for her, yes i would. i already have and i'll DO IT AGAIN! overall this is a tribe of really strong competitors and i can't wait to keep making marshmallow moves, *badgerin* the gryffindors, and ignoring the ridiculous idol hunt that's probably going on COMPLETELY while i vibe.

I really like my new tribe. It feels like a good, diverse cast of OG tribes. I think I might lean towards aligning with those in Ravenclaw because they will have the numbers with only two. Autumn and I can be those 2. I am so glad to have Autumn with me as well. She will easily help the most out in any challenge. Also, I feel like I can trust Dan, but I am going to hesitate for now. 

So this swap was pretty okay? I would have preferred Owen over Joanna hands down, but having 3 people from the OG Ravenclaw is kinda cute.  My plan is to really focus on building relationships with the people outside of the OG Ravenclaw, specifically with Kevin and either Jacob or Nicholas. I have played with Autumn before and she gets top 5 without even trying, so she is definitely on my radar of someone to try to get out before the merge. She is a great player and I would prefer to not have to fight against her for a better resume at the end. Also, on top of my idol, I found a risk/reward kind of thing that I will likely only tell Jules about. I want to drive home the point that me, owen, and her are my end game people. I am worried that Jules is close with Jacob irl and in this game because I don't want to risk her spilling the beans. I might think on that plan a little more before I put it into action, but honestly I probably will tell her. The power is only activated if I am willing to lose my vote at a tribal council.  Honestly if we lose this comp, I might need my vote just to establish trust with people, so if I'm able to save it until the merge and then lose my vote when I have individual immunity, that would be ideal. Gotta check on the rules for it though. 

It’s been a while since I’ve given an update and a lot has happened. I’m not sure if this is a blessing or a curse, but I managed to make it on a tribe with 4 original Hufflepuffs. Insane to say the least. Immedietly I felt very relieved. It’s nice to know that the people I’ve gotten to know and built some level of trust with during the first tribe would continue with me for the tribe swap...but idk. It could be a disadvantage in the long run by people associating our loyalty to one another. But I’m hoping the positive relationships I built with this tribe and in the great hall would take the target off of me if I can make it to merge. The odds of that feel good since I’ve been able to avoid tribal for this long, but I’m scared that the first tribal I attend sends me home. I really do like our new tribe but so far I’ve really only had good thin to say about this cast! People have positive attitudes even in such tough times and literally everyone is hilarious! I find myself laughing often! As far as who I can trust most, at this point it’s Ruthie. She is the only one who is deliberately said that she has my back. And I feel the same way. Hoping no one sees us as a power duo, but we shall see. I also think landen has been fairly honest with me about his opinions of the cast and that he hasn’t played with very many people. Throwback eep to when I told him I only know 2 people in the cast but it’s really 5! Ugh that’s gonna haunt me I can feel it when 3 out of the 5 people I know are now on our tribe. Eep! Any who, I’m really nervous for Kevin and hope he does well! I felt like we got along really well on the original tribes. With him being the only hufflepuff on the other tribe, I’m worried he is the easy target. Got my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. 

i do be lying doe.....i do be lyin......

2 minutes later

to leak or not to leak to joanna...that is the question...maybe i wait....i dont want them to think they can vote me!

14 minutes later

lemme take some time to praise the hosts and this game!!!!!!! cause i ain't doin confessionals enough LMAO!!!! wow the level of originality...the level of harry potter inclusion....the idol search... ugh its amazing i LOVE it, yall did an amazing job with putting in harry potter but not like TOO much that people who don't know it might get overwhelmed? also yall are just a joy to talk to in my confessional!!! love this, never been so into a survivor game -- this is literally the first game where i've remembered to idol search EVERY day (well, almost EVERY day but STILL!!!) and idk. im so glad i'm playing this!! idc what placement i get as long as i make it to merge!!! thank you hosts!!

I am kind of disappointed on how things turned out for the challenge. I really didn't want to have to go to tribal especially because I do not think that I have established myself well on this tribe. However, I did a good job on the challenge so I hope I can stay for it. No one has been saying a name. Autumn did mention that one of the J's should leave. I think it should be Jules because she did so bad in the challenge. Well, either way, I'm happy if anyone goes but these bitches' mouths are sealed

Winning feels SO GOOD! I really like my tribe. Everyone has been kind of quiet. Surprisingly even with Owen here I talk to lily more and she is currently my strongest connection in the game. I’m not sure if it is going to stay that way but I kind of hope it does! We’ll see what happens haha

Everything was super quiet and then everything started happening all at once. Now I'm in three different alliance chats and nothing seems super solid. All I've heard if Raffy or Autumn and I'm guess Raffy is going? I don't want to vote anyone out, I like everyone, but I'm not aligned with Raffy and I don't want it to be me, so I'm going where the numbers are going I think. 

Entering this tribe swap, I had definite concerns as Jacob and I were in a minority position by default. However, somehow Kevin was in a minority of one, so I capitalized upon that and reached out to him! Granted, he was someone I enjoyed speaking to from the start, so minority position or not, I wanted to align. Secondly, I reached out to Joanna. She and I immediately hit it off, and if the vibes and aura I am getting from her is true, I think she’ll be incredibly loyal and fun as a ally! Dan, Autumn, Raffy, And Jules have all reached out to me as well. Dan is someone I have enjoyed conversations with for sure, but I do not see myself necessarily staying diehard loyal. I actually adored Autumn and I’s conversation, but I have to be wary of them! They are strong in competitions, and I do not want that. It’s pretty humorous that I think removing challenge threats means I’ll be able to win more challenges, because I suck. Jules and Raffy are who I vibe with the least, but I also remember Jules screwing me over in the ETC mini, when she played into the Hive Mind and basically allowed me to be targeted simply for being an outsider. I am not going to target her simply for that reason, I believe in forgiving the past and leaving games behind, but I do not trust her so far. Personality-wise, we get along! I decided to form the 4our alliance of Kevin, Joanna, Jacob, and Myself. I believe this will be a loyal core to what could be a stellar alliance! I suggested Raffy and Autumn, so I am hoping Raffy ends up being the plan, which seems likely. In the future, I would like to target Autumn-Jules-Dan in that order, although I am open to switching the order. I do think I have some level of control strategically and socially over this tribe, but I cannot get cocky! I have to be humble and take the journey one step at a time. Raffy, in a game of social connections, just like our puzzle, you cannot slide by without talking to others. My vote is for you. x nick

Whew! I made it to the tribe swap!! And I'm a Hufflepuff now! My ACTUAL house! Don't have to spy anymore. https://media1.giphy.com/media/LsKyE4J9PGjIc/source.gif

 Anyway - the people featured on my original tribe are: Me & Juls Cool. She's already been open with me about who she wanted to vote off from the previous tribe so I think we can work together still. From the previous Ravenclaw tribe: Owen Um... boo? I don't know, honestly. He just NEVER has or ever wanted to work with me or even really speak to me in any ORG we have ever played. I would like for this to change and will try but yeah I don't know. From the previous Slytherin tribe: Jess Yay! I wanted a chance to play a game with her. I hear she's cracked out of her mind almost all of the time in games. I am here for it! I hope I don't ruin our game relationship by saying too much or the wrong thing! From the previous (and still on) Hufflepuff tribe: Lily, Ruthie, Landen, Max Yay to pretty much all of these. The fact that they all self-identified as Hufflepuffs means that they are my people! I want to pal with all of them. Anyway, as far as game stuff goes Jess asks me how I feel about the game and I tell her that it's been alright and that our first vote was someone who asked to go and that we haven't really been playing this game. Then I said I hope we don't go to tribal because I think I like pretty much everyone. https://media0.giphy.com/media/5tlq0pRndGu8U/source.gif 

Then I made a huge faux pas... I said that if we went to tribal hopefully someone who was original Hufflepuff would go. And gave no context. So I guess I gave her bullets to have me killed at a future tribal if it's a "anyone but me" situation. Our challenge was not for reward. We had to do a bunch of puzzles. I suck at jigsaw so I decided to do slide puzzles. I have no mouse and apparently not having one slows me down exponentially. I did the worst at my puzzle. Our tribes tied. We won tie breaker because EVERYONE ELSE is good at puzzles! Final topic. Idol hunt. Still a fail. Went to the lake. The selkie would not speak with me. I think we're in love. https://media2.giphy.com/media/oBfiN3ZSuUEdq/source.gif

I guess I will vote Jacob if Autumn wants to lol

hi it’s me nichole.. um. smiles. i don’t really know what to say um.. we won! woohoo! another melodrama victory, i’m hoping everyone likes me as much as i’m thinking because :flushed: yes she has a social game.. yes she’s thriving.. i cant get anything in the castle so that’s cute. only hints but is that shit gonna click? No. 

hi!!!! so we lost sadly. i did rly rly good on the maze so im proud of myself. tribal seems to be easy enough as we were deciding between raffy and autumn but then raffy decided to throw my name out so i think he's going unanimously now. ill be getting a vote which is cute but idc. once hes gone i defff want autumn out bc im in an alliance with everyone but her and dan but at least dan pms me a good bit!

HERE'S THE GOSSIP - I'm so happy we swapped! I would've been heartbroken if we lost and I had to vote out another Ravenclaw, so this is best case scenario. On first glance tho i look mega swapfucked.... all three of prior tribe members separated from me? But honestly, I think that puts me in a better position. Not only can I make new connections, but I won't be targeted for being a block of three. PLUS? I LOVE being on a tribe with Juls, Lily, Jess, Ruthie.... I'm truly THRIVING rn!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chips hasn't talked to me much. Max is okay but seems kind of fuckin crackt. And I like Landen a lot so far! So we're in a good spot. And a puzzle??? whew, this was my week xo Praying my Ravenclaw babies are okay, and I'm going to work on building maybe a counter-Hufflepuff alliance with Juls Chips and Jess if we lose!

ok I only have 5 minutes to write this so we will fully get into the tea later but to recap: 1. God gave me Kevin because He knew what was about to come next 2. the kids are all voting Raffy and only Jules had the heart to tell me 3. I too am voting Raffy because I don't have time to be on the bottom of the tribe and I think there's some fuckery going on 4. all HELL is breaking loose in the tribe chat 5. I got caught in a lie so I've already had to start an apology tour 6. I still have a headache lmao There is so much that needs to be said but all I'm gonna say is Raffy giving me a good laugh helps our goodbye be less bitter. He is genuinely great, was really understanding about it all (and me having to think long term instead of being loyal) and I want better for him. I also want better for myself since my own tribe has been usurped from me? but I digress. Raffy needed to pop off cause they lied to him and me the entire day so what did you expect. I have a lot of his mess to clean up now but hey I have time on my hands. Long live Raffy I will try to do right by you