#i'm annoyed with myself. truly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

virtuousvigil · 5 months ago

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me: god i just need you to let me get this chapter to 8k words i know i can do it please i actually got kudos and hits and subs and i don't wanna keep them waiting forever for chapter 2, just let me have this so i can post it i'm already a week behind please please please please

god: fine. here's 13k+ words. you still haven't finished the chapter tho. barely moved the plot even. and you have to beta read and edit it yourself now. you're welcome.

me:

#txt #virgil vents #i'm losing my mind.#THIS IS GETTING SO OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHY AM I AT 25K WORDS IN TWO CHAPTERS #WHOS EVEN GONNA READ THIS!!!!!!!!!#i'm annoyed with myself. truly #i WILL be posting ch 2 by this weekend. so fucking help me.#i'll literally throw myself off a bridge otherwise i just need it done bc ch 3 i already know how to write. but wrapping this shit up??? UG #and now i gotta go back through all of it too and like. make sure it flows okay #spoiler alert it doesn't #and ia m suffering #and i need nick to hurry up and read ch 1 so he can help me with ch 2 because #why is it so long #it's literally just. 13k words of viktor being in denial #like... hello????#jesus. i'm almost done at least.#just like wrapping up some loose ends and then actually completing the plot line #idk why but getting that plot foundation apparently needed 25k words.#25k words to establish that they're both pathetically oblivious and down bad. and making fake contracts about strap ons #what is my life bro #lmao #amsatasm #also i don't believe in god. it's just myself fucking me over here lmao.#ao3

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laurelindorenan · 1 month ago

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dating the Kid thus far has taught me to be more dependent on others and less dependent on others. simultaneously. which made no sense to me at first until I realized that being overly dependent and overly independent both have the root cause of Not Trusting In God

#like much of the first year of our relationship I tried to have this (insecure) detached cool girl thing going on like #‘If I have an anxiety attack I won’t tell you about it because I’m a big girl and I can deal with it on my own’. I was very scared #of commitment and admitting I was in love because that made me Vulnerable and Dependent. When he gave me photos of us as a gift at one poin #(a very sweet gift) I complained to Kaylie like ‘what if we break up and those photos are on my wall and then I’m so sad when I #take them down?’ and she said ‘put the photos up trusting that God will take care of you when that happens’. so I did.#(actually I didn’t bc I broke the frame accidentally but I did in my heart). I learned a lot about asking for help and admitting my #needs and being vulnerable and honest and not trying to protect myself with the cool detached thing and trusted God #that if The Kid abandoned me bc I Voiced My Needs I would still be okay bc God would hold me fast #fast forward to year 2 of relationship - after the worst mental health crisis of my life and THEN the worst physical health #crisis of my life - I started being too dependent. I started venting to him too much so that for weeks when when we #were together the only conversation topic was Things I Was Upset About. (I was devastated when I found out bc I had become the #very thing I swore never to be - a chronic complainer). And in general I realized that there were some things I was asking of #him that he gave freely but I should only ask of him when it was truly an emergency. A lot of the mental and physical health issues started #as emergencies but when they became constant companions I had to have more sustainable rhythms and not ask the Kid to upend his life)#(when I'm in crisis mode there's a particularly difficult balance btwn relying on my boyfriend – who wants to support me – and #making sure he doesn't become a Full Time Caretaker. Fortunately my roommates play a large role in caring for me in those times #as well to give him a break)#So now I’m learning the balance between two extremes. It’s like voicing my needs (scary) and then gracefully accepting when #he can’t meet my needs (or we both agree that it would be extremely burdensome on him). I need to trust God to protect me when I’m #stepping out in vulnerability and trust God to be my rock when I need to be brave and stand on my own two feet.#It’s easier to try to swallow my negative feelings and harden my heart. It’s easier to make endless demands and/or wallow in negativity #But trust in God requires courage: the courage to let people help me and to lean on God when the people can’t help me #--because of course any unhealthy pattern I have in a romantic relationship extends outward #to all my relationships. Which is very annoying when I got a sneaky little sin issue #and I’m like ‘no one will know or be affected by this’ but then it turns out my BOYFRIEND is! gasp! and then inevitably I #realize everyone is. Sin doesn't stay neatly contained. If I don't trust God – even if it's in a 'small' way - other people are affected.

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awesometothe3rd · 1 year ago

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"No doubt, I'm sure you have expensive taste." "Actually, I don't."

#miss scarlet and the duke #mstad #msatdedit #eliza scarlet #patrick nash #scarnash #eliza x patrick #Miss Scarlet #missscarletedit #parallels #The writers were wild for this one. Truly.#Patrick wasn't even there for that conversation and yet he still knew exactly what would make her happy #He really sees her and I love that.#Once again took a bit of creative liberties with the first gif because that line is said when she isn't in frame and used the part after

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perenians · 2 years ago

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interesting how gale & wyll fans are often the ones who dislike astarion most lmao. it feels a little bit like larian doesn't respect them or their hopeless romanticism, and certainly not their kind approach to the world. out of the male origin characters, it's glaringly obvious that there's a favorite, and it just...sucks for everyone else.

#never mind how little wyll in particular gets #like. it stinks. i'm sorry #also? them being the more good-aligned characters is not a coincidence #goodness and kindness are not boring y'all #it's an active choice #i hate how people think they're less interesting because they're good and want to help people #i was going to put disclaimers on this like #'i'm not saying astarion's totally evil/not worth the character work!11!1! i like astarion truly i do #i just wish wyll and gale (and the other companions) had been given the same amount of care!!1!!1!'#but then i realized that 1) i can just block annoying astarion fans and 2) i don't need to defend myself for criticizing astarion #bg3 critical #larian critical #per plays #bg3 #peren schmeren

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look-at-the-stars-tonight · 1 year ago

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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier

#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it #like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point #i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child #so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg #and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me #i think this would be easier with a partner #this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough #unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american #i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled #i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything #(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works #cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted #i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift #by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook #indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable #and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least #i wish i was less pickyyy #sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food #i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish #and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying

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tootpootwoot · 7 months ago

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I'm usually against little frivolous tech/cam purchases... but this ring light was incredible.... ! I never seem to really get into my brows, but I think it's better for them to look undone when I have more intense eyes.... and lips... I'm a huge fan of 1920s-esque sharp cupid bows and rounded mouth.... I usually don't line on my actual lip line all the way through because I feel like it makes my mouth even more severe? Even though I like it.... I feel like it gives the impression that I'm frowning. All of this makeup and especially the lip I've had pre-pandemic, believe it or not. The palette (which I actually won on a YouTube giveaway lmao) had this glitter and it all came together. Maybe I just need a good brow gel... to hold it together because a super crisp brow looks so good with minimal makeup... but honestly I'm just lazy too lol. I have this powder from.... I don't even wanna say it.... probably at least 10 years old at this point from an indie company and at the time it was supposed to replicate the infamous hourglass light reflecting powder... well it still kicks. It's beautiful and I just about lost a good gram of it being clumsy. Shout out to Drew Barrymore for making the most beautiful foiled eyeshadow palettes... and making them affordable. I think I'll be buried with whatever makeup I have at this point. Let's talk about makeup, girlies lsdf;lakjsdlfkjaoisdfja

#I'm talking to myself in these but tbh I find putting this on insta to be so annoying for some reason..#here this all gets lost or gets found by people who wanna talk about the deetssssss or just makeup in general whatever #I never do anything with my hair because I always run out of time and then it's like yeah that's enough prep lol #I truly do admire and salute my ladies who do full beat hair outfit etc coz this was a lot for me lol #special occasion only for a reason because I cannot imagine doing this haha #personal

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torchickentacos · 8 months ago

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do you have any pokeani fic recs for the classic vibe (read: the content is unhinged and wild)

Referencing this post- long reply but I give a few pointers in these fics' direction at the end!

I'm gonna be so honest anon, I'm not sure I want to actively rec some of them 😭 A lot of them are very of-their-time (usually 2007-2013) and, while HILARIOUS, often contain things that I really don't want to 'recommend' (homophobia, sexism, a lot of slutshaming, some REALLY out of pocket stuff that is not properly warned for, etc). OBVIOUSLY I am not reccing the yikes of things so much as the rest of it (the hilarious unhinged side), but the current fandomscape leans bad-faith and assumey and I'm just not keen to fuck around and find out tbh. Ye olde fic reccing takes a level of understanding of other time periods and attitudes and customs in fandom and on FFN that I'm... not sure that all of tumblr is always very good at tbh lol. If you guys really want me to and if we can all understand that it was a different time and that enjoyment of batshit insane fics does not equal agreement with everything said or depicted in them, then come back and I'll consider it again. But for now, I'm MORE than happy to tell you guys the best ways to find them on your own lmao. It's not hard once you get it down, and anything I'd rec, I've found through this method.

First off, FFN's search system is just frustrating imo. Between a less-than-intuitive UI and people not bothering to tag characters and ships and genres properly, using it the same way you'd filter stuff on Ao3 is a fool's errand (unless you're doing it by word count/completed/etc, which is objective and automatically tallied I think). You're better off using key words. I usually ignore the filters. The only thing I filter by is fandom at the start page (all of Pokemon is under 'games' in FFN and I don't bother narrowing it down to animeverse personally due to aforementioned mistagging or an entire lack thereof).

So, what key words do I use? When looking for that specific brand of insane campy 2000s kitschy wild unhinged stuff, I usually default to searches like "PS CS IS" (poke contest ikari, there's a lotta stuff in there, sometimes there's ORS/LGS/OS/ES/AS etc and you won't always know the acronym and it's just a surprise tbh) or trope related searches like "Assassin" or "High school" or "Vampire" other words you might find in a summary. You can also search by character names (in the search bar and not in the actual filters, which are not reliable in my experience). I'd say to go for tropes and AUs as far as keywords go. I'd ALSO say to not filter by completed, because that'll filter out a lot of two-week-passion-projects that someone dropped as soon as it got flamed, and there's some fun ones in there.

That's about it, but if you find one good fic then it's worth checking the rest of what the writer has. A lot of them have a bunch of unfinished fics and there's some hidden gems. Have a good time reading, and the search is half the fun! Come back with any funny lines you find if you want :)

#it's so hard because I truly love these classic era insane fics but you've gotta understand that they're from like 2008 #and I'm just not going to open myself up to any possible bad-faith interpretations.#it's also hard because like while I'm not a big blogger #there's enough of you guys that I am hesitant to do name/title-dropping for this sort of thing specifically.#I don't want someone to see this and think we're doing it to make fun of the fics #and if someone went and did that from a rec of mine then I'd be really fucking sad about it.#I love these insane 2000s fics even though a lot of them are flawed and a little yikes sometimes.#it's not an ironic enjoyment at all. it's genuine. They're nostalgic and fun and unreserved (albeit-again-a lil' yikes).#they're from when a lot of people wrote only for themselves and leaned fully into that level of self indulgence #and it's really sweet in a way to read them so much later and to see how much fun someone had writing it #now that we're all older and more aware of what we make and more nervous about how it's perceived and aware of quality.#you also tended to see a lot of author's notes about school and summer camp and writing between life #and it's just. idk. it's got such a specific feeling to it. like damn I hope [author] had a nice choir rehearsal in 2009.#I hope their swim meet went well and that their dad stopped being annoying or whatever.#none of this is ever to make fun of the fics or to be mean-spirited. i would hope that people know at this point that I LOVE cringe #thank you very much lol.#I am cringe's number one defender. go be cringe and genuine. it's better than being condescending and bored.

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mymarifae · 1 month ago

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thank you phainon for your noble sacrifice of absorbing literally every other kaslanas' doomed narratives and enduring them yourself so the kaslanas of the hsr universe can lead peaceful lives. hsr sirin is loved and happy and gets ice cream whenever she wants because of you

#that 3.4 . did not fuck around oh my god #really good update... i am very much enjoying how everything is starting to tie together #like i said on twitter my only huge critique this time is the trailblazer still having a self-insert aspect to them #this has literally always been an issue but ESPECIALLY NOW like holy shit you guys NEED to overwrite that??#it would make the story so much stronger. and also because of the self-insert aspects stelle's friendship with phainon never truly blossomed #IT HAD SO MUCH POTENTIALLLLLLL to be SO touching and sweet #but stelle and every relationship the game Tells You she is forming... they're always so stifled #i don't need or want stelle to be 'me' in any aspect!!!! i don't want to consider myself a part of this story!!!!#i just want to watch it unfold!!!! i'm happy in my audience seat!#and it's annoying because like i can tell. with the directions they're taking. there is a lot of regret implementing that self insert aspect #the writers clearly want the trailblazer to be an independent character not tied back to the player in any way #but they still won't go all in on overwriting it #too big of a change to the game maybe? too afraid to lose the audience they attracted with it? whatever i don't care...#i would love to see them stop holding themselves back from telling the best story they could........#ugh #other than that no particularly egregious complaints. could have used more cipher imo but it's ok

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haarute · 3 months ago

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it's amazing how almost all of my friendships (and by almost all i mean Every save like three) are ruined by my own self essentially swerving into a wall and crashing on purpose due to my inability to believe my company could ever be even slightly desirable to anyone and i'd rather just burn it all and die than see myself as someone who intrudes and abuses people's kindness out of my own selfish desire to want companionship.

#i was going to post something similar the other night but i fell asleep instead #but i was thinking about how truly all cases for me boil down to #>i talk with someone and we have a great time >they express a level of joy in interaction >i get weirdly attached too quickly #>i am comfortable enough to openly be myself which inevitably ends on a weird interaction >i talk too much and am too clingy #>i convince myself that that was actually awful and annoying and not something anybody wanted to hear #>i decide to leave and never be seen again because i don't want to be hated more than i already am in my head #>i am miserable because i really wanted to keep talking to that person #i just had a random two day-long chat with someone who messaged me and we had a good time talking about chainsaw man #and it truly took not much time for me to start going off about other shit until i noticed replies got so much shorter and alienated #and i just stopped altogether. because yeah man you're not here for this and you're probably too polite to tell me to go fuck myself so #i'll just do it for you.#and I KNOW that that's a me problem.#I KNOW that that's my own brain convincing itself that i am worse than i actually am in the eyes of others #and i am AWARE of how unfair that is to anyone else. it speaks to a clear lack of trust that is also my fault #but there's also a reality that i'm just. Not someone that people are particularly Excited to talk to #and i feel like i've wanted nothing more than that ever since i lost it when i was 15 years old #i am Tolerable at usual and a Cartoon Clown at best. and none of those serve as particularly deep connections.#and i know that that's once again a me problem. and i shouldn't ever place that expectation on anyone. that is not fair. and i try not to.#but like. is it bad for me to want that to begin with?#should i just abandon the idea altogether and accept that yeah i am just destined to be a crazy hermit murmuring ramblings by themselves #is that the Morally correct thing to do? to just be alone? that's for sure what it feels like to me #that yeah that's what my life is always going to be. no joy in connection or sharing. just an endless stream of thoughts by myself.#that way at least my life won't get in the way of anyone else's lives.#and like. i am always hoping that someone would make a deliberate attempt to reach out to me even if i'm hell bent on isolating myself.#because that would be a proof that someone cares enough you know? that I Am an active choice that someone makes.#but that never comes. and that's not something that would be fair for me to expect or ask for either. would it?#might as well hope for a unicorn while i'm at it.

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akechis-special-case · 4 months ago

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Ugh I am so close to revamping my list again after coming to some realizations... And it's driving me nuts. If you see my list change again... Apologies in advance.

It will be reduced to two... Don't worry, Goro stays. He has secured his place I'd say. As for the other... You'll see. But it's probably no surprise if you know me for a bit.

Ugh, coming to terms and realize stuff is always fun... Hah...

#Testimonial Evidence #Spoiler alert! It's Osamu! Like I just had this discussion and the signs are there. I just am in denial and sick of it tbh.#Gotta to force myself to be more open!#It doesn't mean that I like the other guys any less it's just those two really hit and I'd only really need to list them.#Also I go back to them everytime. Yes even Osamu is never truly leaving. So he's 100% as serious as Goro.#I just hate switching it up every goddamn time. I am so sorry if it comes off as weird or annoying I'm trying to figure myself out still!#f/o community #fictional other community #romantic f/o #fictosexual #fictoromantic #ficto community

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stopmyhearts · 6 months ago

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christmas money from my grandparents came in just as i ordered my binder, the universe clearly loves me

#now let's please keep this energy for tomorrow #did a practice exam with my friend earlier which went fine in spite of my atrocious preparation #(turns out you do pick up some stuff unconsciously even if you dont pay attention in lectures and copy the tasks cause you dont have energy #and that gave me some confidence back #I'm giving myself about a 50/50 chance #(and truly if I don't make it it's a little annoying at most so like i should chill)#jae says stuff

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probablyin-bed · 6 months ago

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I was just thinking about the tiktok ban, and I honestly don't know what I would do if tumblr got shut down. yeah losing tiktok kinda sucked but if tumblr got taken from me????!?!!!! I would be a wreck. I just got the shivers I can't even THINK about it ew !

#there's been quite a few ups and downs on this app #but I truly found a very happy space for me here #and even if I'm just talking to myself half the time #I am so at peace here #I am very much myself #as annoying as I can be lol #but this is the only place where I can do that #and it's mine #if that makes sense????#like my friends and family don't know about this account or that i'm even on tumblr #whatever i'm rambling #anyways #this place means a heck of a lot to me and I would be literally heartbroken if it ever went away while I need it the most #ok bye

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fatelcved · 2 years ago

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if i'm honest, i'm having a bout of " am i being annoying? " so i might just see myself out till tomorrow. i hate to do that bc i really wanna get my drafts queued, but i also don't think it's good for me to force myself to do something if i'm feeling off. maybe i'll surprise myself and come back and write? but i'm not gonna stress about it too much -- or at least try not to :' )

please take care of yourselves and remember it's alright to take a break when you need one <3 in general ofc, but especially on this silly lil website bc this is a hobby -- not a job!!

#gotta remind myself constantly that most people are very kind and patient and so i should be that way to myself too #and truly no one's done anything!! to make me feel annoying!! it's just me questioning myself bc i tend to impulsively post memes #and get fixated on certain topics/ideas/etc.#and then i do take ages to write #so i worry and tonight's one of those days where i feel self conscious that maybe i'm doing too much #i do feel silly that i'm feeling down but i also just kinda don't wanna be here bc i've made myself uncomfortable #so maybe it's best that i head out and relax and focus on other things for a little bit #this is a rambling mess of tags asdfg but please have a good night for me friends <3 i'll be back tomorrow goofing off as usual <3 #get ready to ramble | ooc #tw negative

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fantasticalleigh · 1 year ago

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Hey, I love your work, esp your Dramione stuff! I noticed the tags on some of your posts and I was wondering: are you planning on turning Sweet Sacrifice into original fiction? I would be interested in seeing more genre romance in the mainstream

Aw, thank you! I've had the intent of adapting Sweet Sacrifice away from Harry Potter lore and into its own original work for a while now. (I talk about it some on my writing blog here and here.)

I sort of started on this already by working on an AU comic loosely based on Sweet Sacrifice since last year. It covers some of the same ground but the plot has been reduced down to mainly just being about Caius and Isolde (formerly Draco and Hermione) because if I cover anything else from the actual fic plot this comic would be like a hundred pages long. I'm working on chapter 2 of the comic right now and it's at 13 pages currently and about to get very NSFW, but I don't know if I plan to make a chapter 3 to the comic because it's really intensive work, but we'll see. This is mostly for fun but it's also helped me consider how the story might go now that I've stripped the HP elements from it and am trying my hand at world building and developing these characters further into something of my own and not relying on someone else's lore.

(I'll post more of chapter 1 of the comic but I don't think I'll post it here. So far what I've shared of it has been mainly on WordPress and DeviantArt but the full pdf is up on my Patreon.)

As for writing, I would really love to give Sweet Sacrifice a do over and make it a proper horror novel starting at a point before D + H/Caius and Isolde meet. I really want to flesh out the doomed village better and really delve into life before/during the werewolf's haunting before we get into the whole mated life thing.

I like the idea of doing it on my own and just compiling it into an ebook and "publishing" it on my own site. If I did it any other way I'd probably have to change specific/significant aspects of it to keep it from getting flagged or rejected or something, considering the themes running throughout the fic. I don't want to buckle on it remaining horror/dark romance (and the romance is questionable, at that). I don't see my type of work ever hitting mainstream (and I don't think I'd want it to either, to be honest). I don't like the idea of having to really water down the things I write to appeal to a larger audience when I already have you and many others as an audience (who already know what you're in for)!

I'm sort of taking a break from writing it right now because I've been feeling burnt out at how long the chapters have gotten and I still need to figure out the rest of the plot but the intent is absolutely there so I'll get to it soon, I hope.

TLDR: Yes, absolutely this is something I want/plan to do! I've got this story shredded between my teeth and I'll rearrange these letters to tell it in as many ways as I can, and make it my own.

(This was a really long answer to your question I'm sorry T-T ) but thanks for asking!

bonus: i don't think i've posted these here yet but bottom left is a WIP shot of the SS ch. 2 cover and image on the right is a pre-background/text flats layout of one of the final pages from chapter 1. Putting this bit under a read more bc of the sensitive material.

#leigh speaks #leigh writes #dramione #sorry for all the links I truly loathe self promo i feel like a hack every time #but my blog really does have better insight bc i post about fic/comic status somewhat regularly #also making comics is fucking hard idk how the pros do it good god #also I'm really just excited about this admittedly very self-indulgent dark werewolf tale #this took an unexpectedly long time to write a response so i'm pinning this so you can find it easy anon!#i genuinely forgot i made the last artwork bc it was sitting in a folder and now i'm mad bc i should've made that the cover for ch. 1 gdi #does the wardrobe of either character reflect the time period i meant this to be in? no! and i'm very annoyed w/ myself about it #i know this question was about writing and not art but this is all i've got going on rn so it's the best answer i can give

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thecherrygod · 1 year ago

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honeybittersweet · 1 year ago

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My brother broke up with her girlfriend and says it's my fault bc I didn't say hi to her nicely enough all the time + I didn't make her feel welcome by putting on a good face when she was around. Girlie, I'm sorry to tell you this, but in my house, I'm not gonna put on a nice face, I've been doing it all day and I'm not gonna do it in my own home just bc you're gonna cry if I don't.

#for context she is a very sensitive person. has anxiety and depression.#and i may be an asshole. but i'm not gonna change my whole demeanor just bc of that. i'm not gonna treat you like a delicate flower #which was how my brother was acting. he even say it so. that he watches the things he says or does as not to make her have a break down #which makes sense if your partner is like that but what the hell do i have to do with that?#listen. i've been in love and friends with people who have both anxiety and depression. and it was exhausting.#i will never put myself in that situation again. no matter with who. idc #also. funny how it was me the principal factor and not the fact that my brother literally told her he didn't have life plans with her #a bit more of context: me and him have never gotten along and we've been living together without parents since 2021 #and he has annoying attitudes #he takes like a week to do the dishes and pots. he leaves his towel wet on a wood furniture. invites ppl over. treats me badly #he also tends to insult me. we fight a lot.#and on top of that he was inviting her over all the time #i'm someone who likes to be home alone. i love it. my brother leaves work at 8pm. she gets out at 7pm. i get home at 7pm and she's there #up until last year she would eat the food my mom would buy especifically for me and stopped bc i literally had to hid the food in my room #also both of them were like !!! but gf locks herself in (my bro)'s room!! so she doesn't ''bother me''#and it's like. honey. idc where tf you are. i'm still not home alone. i don't get the same freedom #+ when i'm truly home alone i spend time in the kitchen. go around semi naked. sing out loud. do you really expect me to do those things #when somebody else who doesn't even live here is staying over?

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