#i'm just really not happy with how i chose to do things atm ^^; | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

silverwings920 · 1 month ago

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wow, real impressive, kaiser, the way you described that interaction to the reader's dad…

i don't think he fully acknowledged exactly what he had done wrong in that situation. he says 'i pushed her too hard. i didn't even let her breathe,' but five seconds earlier he's saying shit like 'why's she gotta be so difficult?', 'she kind of overreacted', and 'she freaked out on me' he's not at all acknowledging that she had, in fact, had a panic attack because of information overload. instead of trying to comfort her, guide her out of that state, or at the very least let her process it on her own at her own pace, he chose to yell and grab at her, trying to force her to acknowledge him right then and there i get that he has also gone through some shit and has been desperately pinning away for years, but it comes across as incredibly self-serving some of the worst things you can say to/about someone who's panicking that badly are 'calm down', 'you're overreacting', and 'it's not that bad/serious'

i mean, don't get me wrong it's a little sweet that he's trying to apologize with a personalized gift, it just feels like he's sidestepping the actually issue and trying to buy his way back into her favor and i'm not particularly happy about that (i also noticed that two things he was most pleased about with the gift were the fact that they came from Germany, his birth place, and the blue ribbon, his color. he doesn't even really understand what the stuff he's actually paying for is. a gift is supposed to be about the person you're giving it to, not the person who's giving the gift) i personally think it'd be better if he just waited for that dress he promised the reader to be finished instead. it'd give her some time to actually think things through, and show his sincerity a lot better than a bunch of art supplies he doesn't even know if she wants

tl;dr - kaiser doesn't know how to apologize, i foresee him ruining things further (if other circumstances don't do it first) before he figures his shit out alright, rant over lol. wasn't expecting this to get so far away from me, but kaiser really pissed me off this chapter, so…

anyway, thank you for this! it was such a delight to read (even if kaiser's irritating atm). looking forward to what comes next! may you have a great rest of your week

Fourth bullet: A bow for the bruised

cowboy!kaiser x fem!reader pt. 4 (wc 6.5k) from Silver bullets and stolen hearts part III part V warnings: MDNI!!! blood, violence, trauma, panic attacks, emotional breakdown, mention of death, intense emotional distress, swearing

“Listen to me, goddamn it!” he shouted, his hand grabbing at your neck, tightening just a little too hard, almost choking you with the weight of his desperation.

You froze.

Your breath caught. For a moment, everything stopped, the air, the sound, the light in the room. You could only stare at him, eyes wide in disbelief.

Realizing what he'd done, Kaiser’s face dropped in horror. His hand slipped away from your skin like it burned him. “Shit… I didn’t mean-” he turned sharply, dragging a hand over his face as if he could wipe away the guilt. “Fuck, sorry,” he muttered, voice low and tight with frustration, though not at you. At himself.

You were still frozen, shaking, your pulse hammering in your ears.

“You’re not him,” you whispered again, like if you said it enough, it might all go away.

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” his voice was clipped now, colder than before. It cut through the air like a blade.

You backed away from him with a glare, your voice trembling but fierce. “Don’t even think about reaching for me again.”

Then you turned and stormed off, footsteps heavy and fast up the stairs. You didn’t look back.

“Fuck!” Kaiser roared, slamming his fist into the nearest wall. The thud echoed through the house, followed by the sound of his harsh breathing.

Upstairs, you stumbled into your room and slammed the door shut behind you. You couldn’t breathe right. Your hands were shaking uncontrollably as you collapsed into the chair by your desk.

You gripped the sides of your head, nails digging into your scalp as if the pressure might stop your thoughts from spiraling.

Tears streamed down your face, and with a broken sob, you wiped them away with the sleeve of your shirt, harsh, dramatic, like trying to erase something permanent.

You reached for a pencil. Drawing always helped. It always grounded you. But this time, the lines came out shaky, the sketch unrecognizable. Your fingers trembled, and the paper blurred beneath your tears.

It wasn’t working.

Nothing was.

And for the first time in years, even art couldn’t save you from yourself.

Kaiser stormed out of the house, frustration bubbling inside him. His jaw clenched as he made his way to his white horse. Why’s she gotta be so difficult? he muttered under his breath, the words tasting bitter as they left his lips.

In a swift motion, he mounted the horse, the tension in his body mirrored by the sharpness in his gaze. He didn't know where his anger was taking him, but it seemed like his instincts knew better. The ride was a blur, his thoughts clouded with a mix of frustration and worry. Before he knew it, he found himself standing at your father's office, the door creaking open as he stepped in.

Your father, engrossed in important papers, looked up with a raised eyebrow when he saw Kaiser. The tension in the room was immediate. “Tell me,” he said, his voice cool, assessing.

Kaiser slumped into the chair opposite him, his expression vacant but clearly laced with anger. “I fucked up,” he muttered, the words heavy on his chest.

Your father didn’t flinch, merely watching him with a steady gaze. “You didn’t tell her?”

Kaiser let out a frustrated huff, running a hand through his hair. “I did. I tried. But… she kind of overreacted.”

Your father’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he remained silent, waiting for Kaiser to explain further.

Kaiser shifted in his seat, trying to organize his thoughts. “She… she was already losing it. Woke up from those damn nightmares again, and then, when I tried to talk to her, I-” he stopped himself, visibly frustrated. “I didn’t even get to finish. She freaked out on me, told me to never reach for her again.”

Your dad placed the papers down, his fingers lightly tapping the desk as he sighed, absorbing the weight of Kaiser’s words. “I understand...” he murmured, his voice calm but carrying the weight of understanding.

Kaiser clenched his fists. “It’s my fault,” he said, his tone dark, self-critical.

Your dad shook his head. “Don’t say that.”

“I pushed her too hard,” Kaiser continued, his frustration getting the better of him. “I didn’t even let her breathe, and now she’s completely shut me out. I didn’t mean for it to go like this.”

Your father leaned back in his chair, his gaze thoughtful. “She’s been through a lot. You need to be patient with her.”

Kaiser’s jaw tightened. “I know, but... What if it’s too late?”

“I think we still have time,” your father said quietly, his voice carrying a mix of reassurance and caution. “You’ll need to approach her carefully, but don’t give up on her.”

Kaiser’s eyes hardened. “I’ll try talking to her when I get home, but I don’t think she wants to hear from me right now.”

Your dad nodded, his eyes softening just a touch. “I’ll handle it,” he said. “Give her some space, but don’t let her shut you out completely.”

Kaiser hesitated, a flicker of doubt crossing his face. But he nodded, standing up from the chair. “Thanks.”

As he left the office, the weight of the conversation hung over him, heavier than ever. He knew the path ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed to fix this, no matter what. He walked into the saloon, his boots dragging a bit more than usual. The light chatter and clinking glasses barely registered in his mind. He made his way to the bar, eyes shadowed, shoulders tense.

"A beer," he muttered to the bartender, voice low and tired. A part of him wished it were you behind the counter, giving him that cautious stare, maybe even asking what was wrong.

When the drink was placed in front of him, he didn’t thank the man. He just took a sip and stared at the amber liquid, letting his thoughts drown in it. Your eyes, your voice, the way you pulled away from him, it all played over and over in his head.

He let out a long sigh, his thumb rubbing against the rim of the glass. Then, without meaning to, he set the glass down harder than he should have. It hit the bar with a loud thud, making the worker flinch. Kaiser didn’t even apologize. Threw few coins on the counter and walked out without a word, the saloon doors creaking shut behind him.

Back in your room, you sat hunched over your desk, sketching with a tight grip on your pencil. Your fingers trembled, but the lines were cleaner now, more deliberate. The drawing wasn’t of anyone in particular, just some imaginary figure with eyes too sharp and a mouth too kind. Still, it looked more alive than anything you'd drawn recently. You’d calmed down just enough to hold the pencil straight, but your chest still ached, tight and twisted like something inside you was slowly collapsing.

“Fucking dumbass,” you hissed under your breath, jaw clenched. Of course, you were talking about Kaiser. Who else?

Your hand snapped forward. The page tore out of the sketchbook in one swift motion. You crumpled it into a tight, wrinkled ball and threw it hard at the wall. It bounced off with a soft thud and disappeared somewhere under the desk, but it wasn’t enough. The anger didn’t leave. It sat under your skin, boiling.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot,” you muttered, punctuating every word with a sharp tap-tap-tap of your pencil against the sketchbook cover. Each hit was a little louder, a little more frantic. Then, without thinking, you hurled the whole book across the room. It smacked the wall and landed with a heavy flop on the floor, the sound slicing through the stillness of the night like shattered glass.

And just like that… you broke.

You curled up on the chair, arms hugging your knees to your chest as you slid down, burying your face. A choked sob clawed its way out of your throat, then another, and another, until they came in a stream. The tears came fast, warm and salty, blurring everything. You couldn’t see through them, couldn’t speak—just small, broken cries and shaky inhales filled the room.

You didn’t even know what you were crying about anymore.

Maybe at first it was Kaiser, his recklessness, his smirk, his gall to play with your heart like it was a game, but now… now you weren’t crying over him. Not really.

You were crying over everything.

Over every mistake you made. Over every word you shouldn’t have said. Every fake scenario you played in your head where you were braver, cooler, stronger. Where you weren’t you. You cried for every time you bottled it up, every time you smiled when you wanted to scream. Every time you let people in who walked away like you were nothing.

The tears weren’t about him anymore, they were about you.

This, somehow, was how you comforted yourself. Not with kindness or softness. But with this: sadness. This hollow, aching thing that wrapped around your shoulders like a blanket. You curled into it, held it close. The crying, the pain, the numbness that followed, it was familiar. Familiar enough to be soothing in its own twisted way.

And so you stayed there, alone in your room with tear-streaked cheeks and a storm in your chest, holding yourself as if you could keep all the pieces from falling apart. The sun had just risen over the hills, painting the dirt-strewn land in hazy blue and gold, but the air was already thick with dust, sweat, and something fouler, tension.

Behind the old millhouse, tucked in the shadow of a crumbling stone wall, four men stood in a crooked circle. Kaiser leaned against a wooden crate, turning an Apache revolver in his hand with absent precision. The brass glinted with each lazy spin of the cylinder, but his eyes didn’t follow it. They were distant, unfocused, as though his mind was somewhere far away, or stuck on someone far away.

Ness watched him out of the corner of his eye. He stood a pace back, hands tucked behind his back in his usual prim fashion. "Kaiser," he asked softly, almost like a whisper not meant to be heard, "is everything alright?"

Kaiser hummed in response, a low, noncommittal sound. He didn’t lift his gaze. Didn’t blink. Just kept turning that gun in his hand like it was the only thing keeping his thoughts from unraveling.

Ness fell silent. He knew better than to push.

“OI,” Shidou barked, snapping the silence like a whip. He stepped toward the trader, the jittery man with a gut too big for his vest and a twitch in his eye. “You tryna rob us, old man? This here’s not even Colt steel. You polish up some rusted trash and think we wouldn’t notice?”

The man paled. “I told you it’s genuine! French issue. Mercenary-grade!”

“Looks like you fished it outta a pig’s ass,” Shidou growled, reaching for his belt. “We could just shoot him and take the rest. Save us the goddamn trouble.”

“That’s against the rules,” Rin’s voice cut in cold and calm, like steel in a snowstorm. He stood with his arms crossed, posture rigid. His sharp gaze flicked from the gun to the man, calculating.

Shidou whipped his head around, scoffing. “And since when do you speak, Mr. Daddy Long Lashes?”

Rin’s jaw clenched. “Since you started running your mouth like a rabid dog. We’re here to do business. Not butcher street rats in broad daylight.”

The trader nodded eagerly, desperate to side with someone, anyone. “Y-yeah! Listen to your friend here. He’s got a brain-”

“I wasn’t defending you,” Rin snapped. “You tried to sell us rot disguised as gold. You think we’re blind or just stupid?”

“I’m telling you, it’s all clean! Nothin’ wrong with the-” "-And you think dragging your ass to us with lies wouldn’t blow back? Who do you think you’re dealing with?” Rin stepped closer now, his voice low but lethal. “This isn’t some street corner trade. You try to cheat us, we don’t forget it.”

The trader’s face twisted. Maybe it was fear. Or maybe pride scraping up what little spine he had left. “Don’t act so damn holy,” he spat, looking between them. “You’re all outlaws playin’ dress-up in town colors. And you” he pointed a shaky finger toward Kaiser, “all this hell lately? All ‘cause your little slut got herself mixed up in something she shouldn’t.”

Everything stopped. Ness’s quiet humming faltered. Even Shidou’s usual smirk twitched, as if caught between surprise and fury. The wind seemed to hush for a moment, letting the silence ring louder.

Kaiser didn’t look up. Didn’t speak.

CRACK.

The revolver slammed into the side of the trader’s jaw with such force that his knees buckled before the pain even registered. Blood sprayed in a thin arc as the man collapsed into the dirt, gasping through grit and broken teeth. His body twisted in a spasm, half-conscious already.

Kaiser stepped forward, slow and deliberate, like he had all the time in the world. He planted his boot against the side of the man's skull and leaned his weight down. Not enough to kill. But enough to make the man freeze, trembling under leather and steel.

“Say it again,” Kaiser muttered, voice calm, too calm. “And I’ll take your pitiful little life right here. I’ll gut you like the pig you are, and let the buzzards eat your pride.”

The man whimpered something unintelligible. Kaiser pressed down harder.

“Where’s your boss?” he asked again, low and cold.

“I-I don’t know!” the man coughed, voice hoarse. “I swear it-he moves around-never tells us where-”

“I knew it,” Kaiser muttered, half to himself. He stepped back and landed one more kick into the trader’s ribs, sharp and efficient. The man wheezed, curling into himself like a crushed dog.

“Fucking cowards,” Kaiser growled, turning his back. “Always hiding in someone else's dirt. Rats under states that should’ve burned a decade ago.”

He didn’t look at the others. Just kept walking, revolver still in hand, the morning light making the barrel gleam.

“Take everything,” he called over his shoulder. “And him.”

The three moved at once.

Ness crouched to begin gathering the crates, rifles, revolvers, cartridges, and a crude satchel of homemade explosives. His movements were quiet, practiced. No hesitation.

Rin grabbed a small bundle of dynamite sticks, tied neatly with a crude cloth strip, and examined the capped fuse like he was checking the craftsmanship of a blade. “Crude but functional,” he muttered. “Could bring down a wagon.”

“Could bring down a town,” Ness corrected softly, wrapping the satchels in burlap and tossing them into the back of the trader’s own horse wagon.

Shidou tied the man’s hands and legs with rope from the supply packs, not bothering to be gentle. “Guess we’re keepin’ you,” he said, tugging the knots tight enough to make the man groan. “Hope your boss likes sendin’ flowers to corpses.”

The trader didn’t respond. He was half-conscious, his face bloodied and his pride long gone.

Once everything was packed, Rin and Ness mounted their horses. Shidou climbed up into the wagon bench, reins in hand, humming a mocking tune as they pulled away from the millhouse.

Meanwhile, Kaiser rode alone.

His white horse moved smoothly beneath him, hooves crunching over the dry gravel path that led through the outer farmlands. The sun had climbed a little higher now, painting the sky in pale amber and blue. A breeze tugged at his coat.

The horse let out a soft, low whinny.

Kaiser patted her neck gently, fingers brushing through her mane. “What is it, beautiful?” he murmured. “Hungry? Yeah… I figured.”

He leaned down, pressing his forehead briefly to the side of her head. “We’ll stop by the next ridge. Get you something good. Something sweet.”

Then he sat back up, jaw clenched and eyes ahead.

But his grip on the reins never tightened. Shidou hadn’t stopped talking since they left the millhouse. The poor trader, now tied up in the back of the wagon with a bloody rag stuffed in his mouth, sat hunched between crates of dynamite and stolen rifles, looking like he was reconsidering every decision that had led him to this moment.

“Look at you,” Shidou jeered, grinning wide as he leaned over the side of the wagon. “Sweatin’ like a hog in church. I bet your wife left you 'cause your breath smelled like bad clams.”

The man didn’t respond, but the dead-eyed stare he gave back said enough.

“No, no, I got it,” Shidou continued, slapping his knee. “You were breastfed with moonshine, weren’t ya? That’s why your brain so small.”

Up ahead, Kaiser’s white horse slowed at the fork in the road. Without a word, he steered left, veering away from the wagon’s path.

“Oi! Where you goin’?!” Shidou hollered after him.

“I’ll be there after six” Kaiser called back, voice half-lost in the wind.

Shidou rolled his eyes. “Jeez. So bipolar.”

“Bipolar people aren’t like that,” Rin muttered coolly, not even glancing his way.

“Boy, shut yo bitch ass up.”

Rin’s expression darkened, but he said nothing. Kaiser rode into the quieter part of town, the clip-clop of his horse echoing softly in the still morning air. Dust clung to the hem of his coat, and the handle of the Apache revolver still poked from his holster, but he didn’t care. His mind was far from guns and gangs right now.

He stopped in front of the small, weathered storefront with faded green lettering above the door:

“Sage & Tallow: Books, Paints, Supplies”

The moment he saw it, the memory came back like a sudden breeze.

You were here once, not long ago. Not drawing, no. You had your arms full of brushes and ink bottles, a new journal tucked beneath your chin as you grumbled at the shopkeep about him not having the right paper weight. He remembered watching you from the street. Just watching. You hadn't noticed him at first, or if you did, you didn’t care.

He remembered the way you barely looked up when he walked inside. How you gave him a bored glance, barely more than a flick of the eyes. He’d tried to flirt, some dumb line about how people like you shouldn’t be allowed to roam around unsupervised with that kind of beauty.

You blinked. Bought your things. Walked right past him with a disinterested, “Excuse me.”

He’d fallen even more for you.

The bell above the door jingled softly as he stepped inside. The smell of paper, dried paint, beeswax, and wood polish washed over him, grounding him for a moment. Shelves stood crooked with age, packed tight with art supplies, tools, and handmade stationary.

“Good morning, sir-”

“Uhum. Morning,” Kaiser muttered, barely glancing at the shopkeeper as he headed toward the back aisle. He walked past rows of rolled-up parchment and watercolor tins, his hand brushing over jars of powdered pigment and delicate brushes.

He wanted to find anything that might mean something to you.

He didn’t know what to say, not really. Didn’t know how to apologize for everything that had happened. All he knew was that words wouldn’t be enough. Not from him. Not now. So maybe a gift would say it better. Kaiser stood in the middle of the aisle like a lost outlaw in a library, completely out of his depth and starting to get annoyed by it.

He stared blankly at the shelves. Pens. Sketchbooks. Paintbrushes. Pencils. Canvases. All things he could name, sure, but beyond that? Useless. He had no damn clue what any of it meant in your world. Would be dumb to buy you something you probably already had five of. And he sure as hell wasn’t about to grab the first thing that looked vaguely artistic and call it a day.

A voice chirped beside him.

“Need any help, sir?”

He glanced sideways, startled. It was the same shopgirl from before, young, bright-eyed, and entirely too observant for his liking.

“Uhhh-” he started, trying to collect a single coherent thought.

“Looking for something in particular?” she cut in before he could finish. She smiled like she already knew the answer.

Kaiser’s brows twitched together. The hell was her rush? Couldn’t she let a man think for a damn second?

“Yes?” he said, confused and slightly irritated.

“What is it? I can see you’re clearly not into this stuff. Did you come here to get a gift for someone?” she asked sweetly.

Kaiser blinked at her, jaw slack. What the hell—how does she— He caught himself and scoffed, making a face that landed somewhere between what the fuck and mind your business. But she wasn’t wrong.

“…Yeah. That.”

“Well then,” she grinned, “how can I help?”

He turned his face away slightly, hiding his tightening jaw and sharp exhale. He hated feeling out of control. Even more, he hated asking for help. But if this girl got him out faster, so be it.

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “Stuff to draw or something.”

“Ooooh, perfect!” she clapped her hands lightly. “We just got a new shipment this morning. Faber-Castell pencils, from Germany. Ever heard of them?”

He perked up at that. “From Germany, you say?”

“Yup!” she beamed. “Very high quality. Is the person a painter? Designer?”

“Uhhhh… I’d say both,” he answered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Then these might be perfect,” she said, grabbing a sleek black box off the shelf and handing it to him like it was a sacred relic. “Clean lines, smooth finish. Good enough for professionals, but easy for anyone to use.”

Kaiser hummed, flipping the box over in his hands. He didn’t really know what the hell he was looking at, but he liked the feel of it. Solid. Elegant. Thoughtful.

“I’m gettin’ these,” he said firmly, as if it were his own idea.

“Great! Anything else?”

That question spiraled into an unexpected whirlwind. Somehow, Kaiser left the shop twenty minutes later with a full bag of stuff he didn’t understand, several kinds of paper, a book on composition, two charcoal sets, a tin of graphite sticks, some brushes with animal-hair bristles, and a handful of accessories the girl promised were useful.

He didn’t remember agreeing to all of it. But she had talked fast and looked so damn sure of herself, and by the time he realized what was happening, he’d paid for half the store.

Still…one thing stood out.

The last item the girl had added, almost as an afterthought, was a simple little blue ribbon. Velvet, soft to the touch, tied in a delicate bow.

Kaiser stared at it in his hand as he walked out, boots kicking up little clouds of dust. The color was nice. Soft and cool, like the sky before nightfall. He imagined it in your hair, swaying as you walked ahead of him like always.

He smiled to himself, just a little.

“That one’s my favorite,” he muttered.

Not that he’d say it out loud. Kaiser stepped out of the shop with the bag of supplies slung loosely in one hand, the soft blue ribbon draped over his fingers. The sun was climbing now, casting long, golden streaks across the dry street. His boots struck the wooden planks of the sidewalk with slow, deliberate thuds, each one echoing like the tick of a clock.

When he reached his horse, the mare let out a sharp snort and immediately craned her neck toward him, trying to nibble at the dangling ribbon.

“Hey hey! Quit that,” Kaiser barked, pulling his hand back with a chuckle. “I’ll get your food, calm down. This ain’t for you.”

He rubbed her neck affectionately, trying not to smile too much. The ribbon was for you. He wasn’t sure what it would do, if anything, but he had to try something. Words weren’t exactly his strong suit. But this? This might get him halfway there.

Downstairs, in the soft quiet of the parlor room, you sat at the upright piano. The room was dimly lit, dust dancing lazily through the sunlight that filtered through the slats. Your fingers moved slowly across the ivory keys, tentative, delicate, like they were testing the floor after a storm.

You weren’t playing anything in particular. Just letting the notes bleed out of you. You’d calmed enough to stop shaking, but your breathing still came uneven, and now and then a sniffle would escape, quiet, involuntary.

Your voice, too, broke through in fragments. A soft murmur, barely audible, singing the words you half-remembered from somewhere long ago:

“At least the sea where liberty…will stand in place to seek the rule...the world…”

Then—knock, knock, knock.

Your hands froze mid-phrase. The final note rang out, hung in the air for a moment, and faded.

You sat still for a second, staring ahead. Then, with a soft sigh, you wiped at your cheeks and rested your hands on your thighs, grounding yourself before rising to your feet.

You moved toward the door slowly, hesitantly. “Who’s there?”

A voice answered, muffled but clear. “Letter carrier.”

You opened the door just a crack at first, cautious. A tall man stood there in a dust-coated coat, eyes politely lowered. “D/N L/N?”

You blinked. “…I’m his daughter.”

He gave a slight bow of the head, pressing a knuckle to the brim of his hat as he extended a single envelope.

“Delivered express. No charge today, miss.”

“…Thank you,” you murmured, taking it gingerly.

Without another word, you shut the door quietly behind you.

But you didn’t move.

You stood in the stillness of the hallway, eyes fixed on the card in your hands. The envelope was thin, off-white, sealed with a wax crest you didn’t recognize. You hadn’t even broken the seal yet, but your breath had caught in your throat, held hostage by whatever it might contain.

You pressed the card to your chest and stood there in silence, listening to the wind outside… and the sound of someone’s boots approaching, slowly, from beyond the porch.

You’d always respected your father’s privacy. His letters, his papers, his silences, you never once crossed that line. But this card...something about it didn’t sit right. It wasn’t the seal or the handwriting, it was the strange, heavy feeling in your chest the moment you touched it. Like a warning, almost.

A little glance…won’t do no harm, you told yourself.

You sat down on the worn velvet seat by the piano, folding your skirt beneath you. The envelope trembled slightly in your fingers as you broke the wax seal with care. The paper inside was thick and slightly yellowed at the edges, freshly written, but old in the way it made you feel.

You let out a quiet sniff as your eyes scanned the words.

Your lips moved silently, murmuring the contents like you needed to hear them out loud to believe them.

"Sent under discreet channel—by order and concern of the council. As of the latest developments in our district, the following names must be accounted for and relocated in silence. All moves must be made without suspicion or any hint of escape. Towns and villages are not to be warned in advance. Targeted searches will increase over the next days. Those named are considered priority for transfer, regardless of social or familial status. If resistance arises, secondary measures may be initiated..."

Your brow furrowed.

What…?

As you read further, you recognized several names. Men who worked with your father, names you’d overheard over dinner or in passing through his study. Associates from other cities, maybe even counties. You had never thought much of them. Just business. And then, your name.

“Y/N L/N.”

Right there in the middle of the list. No title, no explanation. Just your name, bold and solitary on the line.

“…without any hint of escape…”

You blinked at the words. Your fingers tightened around the edges of the letter.

“Why…?” you murmured.

Your heart began to beat a little faster, slow and uneven. You read the paragraph again. And again. The message didn’t explain much, just orders. Instructions. Warnings disguised in formal language.

Relocated in silence. Targeted searches. Priority for transfer.

You swallowed hard. The names kept running together now, the letters blurring slightly as the weight of it pressed down on your chest.

Why were you on that list?

Why would someone send this to your father, in secret, and include you?

You stared at the letter, the silence in the room suddenly deafening. The soft scent of dust and old wood from the piano didn’t soothe you anymore. You weren’t just scared.

You were suddenly aware that whatever was happening, it had already started.

The midday sun hung heavy in the sky, casting long blades of light through the thinning branches overhead. A dry breeze rustled through the grass, brushing over the scattered straw where Kaiser lay stretched out, hands behind his head, coat spread beneath him. His white horse grazed nearby, nosing at a patch of wild clover with lazy interest.

Kaiser’s eyes were closed, his face relaxed, almost boyish in the rare moment of quiet. One leg bent at the knee, boot rocking gently in rhythm to some half-thought tune in his head.

"Do ya think she’ll like it?" he asked aloud, voice muffled slightly by the arm he’d thrown over his eyes.

The horse huffed softly.

"Hm? Why you not answerin’?" he teased, lifting the arm to squint over at her. “Tch. Ungrateful.”

The mare gave a slow flick of her ears and went back to chewing.

“Uhum...she’ll like it. Of course she will. She’s not that heartless,” he said with a lopsided grin, letting his head fall back into the straw. His voice lowered to a murmur, more to himself than anyone. “Y/N, Y/N… Y/N…”

He said your name like it had just occurred to him how it really sounded, how it tasted when spoken softly, without rage or urgency. He stretched it out, slow and thoughtful, like a name carried on wind.

“You know,” he began, almost conspiratorial, “I had a dream ‘bout her last night.”

The horse didn’t look up.

“She was in my bed,” he continued, a lazy smirk pulling at his lips. “You should’ve seen her,” he muttered to the horse, who didn’t so much as glance up. “She looked so damn soft. Weren’t wearin’ no corset, no boots, nothin’ that kept her distant.”

He smiled to himself, slow and private.

“She laid next to me, no anger, no glare, no tension in her brow. Just…quiet. Just her. She had her hand on my chest like she meant to stay there.” His fingers pressed lightly to his own sternum, right where he remembered the warmth of your palm. “And she kissed me. Real slow-like. Not rushed. Not ‘cause we were drunk or pissed off. Just ‘cause she wanted to.”

His voice dipped lower.

“I remember her voice. Whisperin’ things she’d never say while awake. Callin’ me by my first name like it was a secret. Told me she missed me. Said I made her feel safe.”

His eyes fluttered shut at the memory, lips parting just a bit.

“She touched me so gentle, I thought I’d imagined it. Her fingers ran down my neck, my arms, like she was memorizing me. And when she climbed on top, she didn’t say a word. Just looked at me…like I was hers. and then…god”

A dry laugh escaped him.

“Never seen her look like that. So sure. So warm. Like she knew what she wanted and it was me, no one else.”

He paused, the grin fading slightly into something more fragile.

“And I held her close, real close, her breath on my skin, her heartbeat next to mine.”

He rolled onto his side in the straw, facing the horse now.

“I didn’t want to wake up,” he admitted, voice hoarse.

The horse gave a small snort but didn’t move.

Kaiser sighed, brushing a hand down his face.

“She ain’t ever looked at me like that in real life. Maybe she never will.”

He reached over to his saddlebag and fingered the corner of the blue ribbon peeking out.

“But maybe she’ll wear the ribbon. And maybe that’s a start. But I’m still mad at her ok?”

He leaned back again, the name still dancing unspoken at the edge of his mouth. And for the first time in hours, he let himself hope. " I think she’s good in bed," Kaiser murmured, eyes half-lidded as he stretched out on the straw with a dopey grin. “Especially on top - A-OUCH!”

THWACK!

A thick leather belt snapped across his backside like a viper. He jolted upright with a yelp, rolling halfway over and clutching his hip.

“Ah! Miss Ir—ow ow ow—Miss Irene, why?!” he whined like a caught schoolboy.

Behind him stood the small, sturdy silhouette of Ms. Irene, arms crossed, her Sunday apron stained from cooking, and her belt already pulled back for a second swing.

“Been callin’ you for lunch for the past ten minutes, you little mule!” she barked, wagging the belt like a sheriff's badge. “You out here layin’ in dirt talkin’ about bed things like a fool in heat, leave your filthy dreams alone and get your boots in the kitchen!”

“You heard me?” Kaiser asked, scandalized.

“Yes, I did! Heard every damn word, and may God strike me blind if I ever hear it again!”

“I thought you had hearing problems-”

WHACK.

The second lash came quicker than a rattlesnake’s strike. He scrambled back, holding up his hands in surrender while laughing through his flinch. “Okay, okay! I’m coming, I’m coming-!” he cried, rolling to the other side, only to thud hard off the haystack.

He hit the ground with a grunt and a puff of straw, face down, groaning. “You fight like a veteran,” he muttered into the grass, rubbing his sore rear.

His horse, hearing the commotion, trotted over with a slow clip-clop and poked him gently in the ribs with her nose.

“I know, I know,” Kaiser sighed, rolling onto his back and brushing off his shirt. He reached up and gave her a little pat between the ears. “Stay here, alright? Don’t eat the ribbon.”

The mare flicked her tail, unimpressed.

Kaiser stood, brushing hay from his pants, wincing slightly with every step as he limped after Ms. Irene, who was already muttering about “young fools and their rotten brains.” The warm scent of stew and roasted vegetables filled the old wooden kitchen. The table creaked as Kaiser leaned forward with a lazy grin, one hand holding a fork like it was a revolver.

“You haven’t changed at all,” Ms. Irene muttered as she brought over a basket of fresh bread. “Twelve years, dealin’ with the same creature.”

“Mind you, I’m twenty-one now” Kaiser said, puffing out his chest proudly.

“Still growing,” she replied flatly without missing a beat.

Kaiser scoffed. “At least I got a little more mature now, no?”

“Not at all,” Ms. Irene quipped, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Awwwhh…” Kaiser pouted, slumping in his seat like a scolded puppy.

“You did get a little more mature,” came Mr. Ritter’s gravelly voice from behind a rustling newspaper. “Don’t listen to her.”

“See? Nice observation,” Kaiser smirked, turning his smug face toward Irene only for her to walk over and dab his mouth with a towel like he was a toddler. “What was that for?!”

“Eat your vegetables,” she ordered sternly.

“I don’t like ‘em. They’re green.”

“Michael.”

“I hate broccoli,” he grumbled.

“Michael Kaiser.”

“Fine…” he groaned, poking the broccoli with the tines of his fork like it had personally wronged him.

“You want me to feed you again?”

“Nononononono—!” he blurted in panic, shooting her a horrified look.

“Then eat.”

Ms. Irene marched back to the sink, mumbling something under her breath about “overgrown children and empty heads.”

Kaiser huffed dramatically and rested his cheek against his palm, sulking into his plate. “I come back here after nine months and this is how I get treated. I’m not ten anymore,” he muttered, spinning a single carrot like a roulette wheel.

“For us, you are,” Mr. Ritter said, lowering his newspaper with a smirk. “Our little cricket.”

Kaiser barely had time to react before the old man ruffled his hair, rough and affectionate.

“Jeez stop ittt!” Kaiser groaned, batting his hand away while laughing. “Y’all are lucky I like you.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t tan your hide for the things you said to your horse,” Irene called from the kitchen.

"for your information, her name is Athena" Kaiser slumped even lower in his seat, muttering, “and I said I was comin’ to lunch…”

The broccoli remained untouched. “You don’t understand how perfect she is to me,” Kaiser said, turning on his heel with theatrical flair. One hand on his chest, the other gesturing to the heavens, his smirk full of smug devotion. “Y/n was made for me.”

Ms. Irene didn’t even look up from kneading dough. “Mmmhmm.”

“I’m tellin’ you, she’s got that glow, the kind only the good ones got. I can tell she’d be great with kids.”

“You’d be enough for her to babysit,” she replied dryly, patting the dough flat with a sharp thwack.

Kaiser’s face dropped. “Okay, that’s harsh”

He stood up from the chair but something caught his eye, a photo album and numerous faded pictures scattered on a shelf. He paused mid-step and reached for the album, curiosity overtaking his fatigue.

“Wow, wow, wow…What’s this?” he murmured, flipping through its pages. A soft smile tugged at his lips as he discovered snapshots of himself when he was just a kid.

He picked up a particular photo, squinting as he examined it. A kid with a crooked grin stared back at him, all front teeth and scabbed knees, golden hair a wild mess.

“I look adorable,” Kaiser smirked, holding it up like a trophy.

“You were ten there,” Mr. Ritter replied, not even glancing up from his chair.

Kaiser chuckled, flipping to another picture. Then another. His smirk softened. His fingers slowed. The more he looked, the quieter he became.

“I was cute,” he said with a chuckle.

“You were eleven here,” came the steady voice of the man who had helped you earlier, leaning casually against the wall.

Kaiser’s smile widened as he studied the image. “How come I’ve never seen these before?”

The man nodded toward the album. “We lost this album for a few years. Didn’t get a chance to show it to you. This picture-” he pointed gently at one photo, “-was taken on the very same day you came here.”

Kaiser examined the photo closely. Compared to the other pictures, his eyes in this one were dark and tired, as if they had recorded not just a day, but a lifetime of weary determination.

“Anymore important memories, huh?” he murmured, voice soft with a mix of nostalgia and wonder. “I gotta go.”

“Already?” Ms. Irene asked, half-amused and half-concerned.

“Important stuff to do,” Kaiser replied with a wry smile.

With one last glance at the photos and the memories they held, he turned and headed to his room to change, leaving behind the remnants of his childhood, and maybe, just maybe, the promise of new beginnings.

He didn’t want them to see it, but a part of him was still raw, still quietly burning. All from you. And yet, he didn’t want to be mad at you. He couldn’t be, not really. So he swallowed it down, bit back the sting, tucked the ache where the rest of his storms lived, and shut the door behind him.

A beat of silence passed.

"MICHAEL, YOU DIDN’T EAT YOUR VEGGIES!!" came Ms. Irene’s shrill voice from the kitchen, piercing through the house like a bullet through peace.

Kaiser groaned from behind the door. “I knew I forgot something.”

he blinked. Once. Twice.

Then frowned.

He looked over the edge of his bed, only to be met with the sight of Shidou, lounging on the floor like he owned the place, arms behind his head, legs crossed.

“The hell you doing here?”

Kaiser didn’t bother sounding surprised. He knew better than to think a locked door would ever stop Shidou.

“Missed my favorite little bedbug,” Shidou smirked, teeth flashing. “Besides, thought you might wanna hear the latest disaster.”

Kaiser didn’t respond. He just stared, waiting for the inevitable madness.

Shidou sat up with a lazy stretch and spun his body around to face him, cross-legged like a mischievous schoolboy. “Remember that geezer from earlier? Somehow he escaped. Don’t ask me how, probably slipped through a drunk guard’s shadow or some dumb shit.”

Kaiser just raised a brow. Still not reacting.

Shidou grinned wider, undeterred. “Yeah, well, the bastard went straight for revenge, or insanity, who knows. Burnt down a flower shop with one of his old war buddies. A flower shop, bro. The one owned by that sweet lady with the cats? Gone. Toast. Ashes.”

“...How do you miss that bad?” Kaiser muttered under his breath, annoyed but not surprised.

“Right?” Shidou laughed, flopping back onto the bed before propping himself on his elbows. “Anyway. We figured we’d soften him up a bit first, y’know, break the man down.”

Kaiser glanced at him warily. “What the hell does that mean.”

Shidou wiggled his eyebrows. “We tossed him in a room with a few of the local ladies of the night.”

“Jesus Christ-”

“One round in,” Shidou interrupted with a flourish of his hand, “and the guy loses his damn mind. Starts yelling about ghosts, heaven, his wife, foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. Then boom. Drops dead. Right there. Pants still on his ankles.”

Kaiser stared at him, arms crossed, unimpressed. “That’s not a story. That’s a war crime.”

“And that’s showbiz, baby,” Shidou replied with a wink.

“Oh- and one of the prostitutes took a bullet. Some trigger-happy idiot thought she was holding a knife. She was holding a shoe. And yeah then the old man disappeared after the shot”

Kaiser groaned and dragged a hand down his face.

Shidou beamed. “So. What’ve you been up to?”

taglist: @jjklover365daysayear @silverwings920 @bach-ira @rroxii @byzantiumhollow @amy-briar03 @ladykamos @emikikus18 @chuua-l0ver

#blue lock #michael kaiser #michael kaiser x reader #today i learned that there's a character limit for replies lol #there's also plot happening i think #but i don't totally understand what's going on #well neither does reader so...#imma just ignore it for now #kaiser- get your head out of your ass and think about what happened not just what to do to get over it #plzplzplz i love you sm i'm always rooting for your success but man do you make it difficult

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frick-yes-dragons · 2 years ago

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15 questions, 15 mutuals

tagged by @hxilstorm my love :)))

1. are you named after anyone? No, fun fact my parents still hadn't chosen a name for me when we left the hospital! They chose my name pretty randomly from a baby book I think. My middle name's from some great aunt on my mum's side but I never knew her

2. when was the last time you cried? umm two weeks ago when i realised I was gonna have to submit my final essay a day late

3. do you have kids? um NO at this age??? Maybe down the track but yk, depends on the partner/circumstances/general state of the world I guess

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? yeah I probably do, I don't really notice though

5. what sports do you play/have you played? I've been playing soccer nearly 10 years now and it's one of my favourite things, I also did gymnastics, AFL and swimming when I was a kid.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people? their voice and the way they talk

7. what’s your eye colour? blue baby

8. scary movies or happy endings? I don't dislike scary movies it's just that I don't really get it? so I guess I'll say happy endings

9. any special talents? define special- I can juggle, I'm ok at devils sticks. OH and I'm pretty good at using and fixing printers!!

10. where were you born? a while outside Melbourne, abt half an hour from where I live now

11. what are your hobbies? I play the piano! I also like to embroider, make friendship bracelets, and I'm learning to sew

12. do you have pets? yes yes yes! I have 2 dogs, a cat and 2 horses. I'm so excited atm bc this holidays we're hopefully going to start building a chicken shed and I can finally have chickens again after 5 years!!

13. how tall are you? around 5'7? I don't actually know exactly

14. favourite subject in school? tbh i didn't really have one- literature, maths and french are probably tied but they it depends on the teacher

15. dream job? dream job is no job, I would very much like to just sit around and make things all day. Is that an option? I wanted to be an artist when i was a kid. More realistically though, I'd like to teach or do some kind of support work in schools

u don't have to if u don't want to but I'm passing it on to @glitchydyke @startingfires, @megadan94, @thelonelyrainbowdude, @thedumpsterwizard @learnyourlessonswell, @bedrock-sedodn @violet-prism-creatively @omg-a-shark @boobie-fucker, @sentimental-lil-thing, @skyward-nerd, @emilreloaded, @punkocelot @my-dude-james, @dinsicle

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laurelier · 3 years ago

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Harry's home remodel list: yellow checkered tiles for the kitchen, ivy plants for the bathroom...

Bc I am, as the saying goes, in a Joni hole.

And because I’m also big on titles? Like, in my own creative sensibility, which sounds just so unbearably pretentious, but whatever this is my space to be that way— I love titles. It’s like, you’ve made this thing, right, and then you’re condensing all that work you’ve done into a little phrase you could just, like. Hold in your hand. A symbol, the core of what you’ve made, or some meaningful comment on it. What an artist chooses to name a piece of art becomes the focal point upon which every theme and word and image in that work is brought to bear— I just, I love titles. And Harry’s House is such a good one— inviting us in to explore the concepts of home, housing, dwelling, what happens at home and what’s a house and— if what we’ve seen so far is any indication, what’s a body, too, what’s a self; but as others (including the Original Artist Herself, ~*love the title~~*) have noted, it’s also referential to Joni Mitchell, which hhhhh that gets me going too, references and intertexuality— of which, so far, it appears H has happily given us a not-insignificant dose, the Matrix lens being such a rich way to see the AIW video. In any case. The title. The title and the Joni track it refers to. Some thoughts on that are under the cut today, so happy H is back so I can be insufferable and long-winded again.

Some VISIONARY artwork by always wonderful personified joy @thestylinsons, imagining Harry’s House in the style of The Hissing of Summer Lawns, this is STILL SO GOOD BABE

As Harry's house was?

Although it's the only complete song of the album we have so far, I don’t quiiiiite think a really close lyrical comparison of As It Was to Harry’s House/Centerpiece is super fruitful atm. But. One idea I did have while I was making my struggle meal microwave baked potato a little while back was— so often we discuss the interplay and difference between Harry the person vs. Harry Styles™ the icon, and since those two entities have the same name, same title, if you will, we can’t really tell exactly how much of either one is being addressed when he says “Harry” in the second verse of AIW— which still makes my stomach flip every time I hear it—; “Harry” remains hazy, undefined. And, like, I think that’s really just an interesting ambiguous moment, mainly, but. “Harry” is also a character in the Joni song that shares a name with the album, and with H being such a huge Joni fan, I’m going to operate under the assumption that that reference is purposeful— which means that today I get to take my silly little magnifying glass and put Joni’s Harry right under it, bop, and add him to the list of possible Harrys in the Harry-soup of that haunting moment when he says his own name.

Harry’s House/Centerpiece itself is a nice lil bit of social commentary. The vibrant images in the first few lines show us pretty quick that we’re dealing with Joni scoffing at capitalistic excess and hollowness— one of the most common themes in her work. The song is placed near the end of one of her more experimental albums— !!! the implications!!— and it begins by following a “he” character, “Harry”, who is heading to a hotel where he’s about to do a bunch of business meetings and the like. It then follows the collapse of his marriage under the stifling requirements of gender roles— I'm not going to include the full lyrics here, but a few things I’m turning over in my brain are:

One: Adam Driver wall punch in marriage story meme

First, the fact that H chose a song about a type of gradual (heterosexual) marital discord and decline that is directly attributable to the suffocating nature of prescribed Western gender roles to associate with an album ostensibly about home and homemaking, self and selfmaking— and which, from what we can see, is likely going to be a somewhat intimate and vulnerable project. Like, holy shit. Specifically, to me, the lyrics—

A helicopter lands on the Pan Am roof Like a dragonfly on a tomb And business men in button downs Press into conference rooms

Battalions of paper-minded males Talking commodities and sales While at home their paper wives And their paper kids Paper the walls to keep their gut reactions hid

—feel particularly weighty, because— there's a way to hear AIW that's convincingly about family dynamics, wives and children, your daddy lives by himself, he just wants to know that you're well, a) of all (those lines kill me, bye) but b), man if all that about corporate grayness and battalions and dragonflies on tombs doesn’t call back to the first few frames of the mv. Harry's walking amongst a bunch of professional-looking people in muted colors, who are chatting and talking and drinking coffee—

—and he soon exits that space by beginning to walk backwards as he sings holding me back, gravity's holding me back— reversing things, doing them differently, going through a door and out of that that buttoned-up, barren environment, being pulled further into himself (?).

God I am so shitty at capturing frames on youtube my lazy ass should really just learn how to goddam gif

Then there's the "paper-minded males", what a phrase— the total flatness of them, minds only on paper, minds only existing on paper, nothing real to them, and if the paper is money, then that adds a whole other dimension, Have a Cigar anyone; if their minds are papered over, then they’re hiding from themselves. They’re not even men, either, they’re males, Males, like, all their individuality has been stripped from them and all that’s left is what is required to be a Male, their successful adherence to the requirements of Maleness is the only thing about them that matters, it’s so soulless. And their paper wives and children, playing the roles that are laid out on paper, a Male, his Wife, his Child, all of them fulfilling the rules set out in advance of the marriage contract but that can't work in reality; everyone cooperating, from childhood on, in the suppression of everything that makes them more than paper. Joni’s poetry is something the fuck else here. And as such, it’s such an exciting referential choice for H to have made— I can’t wait to put it next to the rest of the songs on his album and see what comes up.

Two: the “Centerpiece” medley

Harry’s House/Centerpiece is two songs in one, with Joni sampling a 1958 jazz standard song by Harry (lmao) Edison and Jon Hendricks, “Centerpiece”, right after the lines where Harry starts to daydream in the middle of a meeting about his wife’s body when she was young and attractive. The lyrics to that part, which is very different from the rest of the song and on which I think Joni sounds particularly beautiful, are:

The more I'm with you, pretty baby The more I feel my love increase I'm building all my dreams around you Our happiness will never cease 'Cause nothing's any good without you Baby, you're my centerpiece

We'll find a house and garden somewhere Along a country road a piece A little cottage on the outskirts Where we can really find release 'Cause nothing's any good without you Baby, you're my centerpiece

In Harry’s House/Centerpiece, the placement of this is brilliant because it calls up the naive ideas the couple, or at least the husband, had at the outset of their marriage about how the wife would be his “centerpiece”, and makes the lovey sentiment of the original song sound really sinister: Joni’s Harry is trying and has always tried to turn his wife into a decorative centerpiece to build his life around, not allowing her to be a changing, dynamic person or life partner. A beloved, treasured possession is still a flat and lifeless object. I wonder if, in any way, H is going to engage this idea of expectation and dream, of building your life upon an idea that in reality isn’t anything like what you were told it was, about the certain kind cruelty of trying to make other people fit into your dreams for them— whether someone’s doing that to you, you’re doing it to somebody else, or you’re the one doing it to yourself.

Centerpiece’s mention of a house works in both H and Joni, too— in the middle of Harry’s House (song), it sounds almost like a trap, a house and garden where the wife can stay and remain the same as she ever was for the husband to enjoy; in the context of H’s album, I wonder if the concept of a “house” will fall in step with the genuinely romantic tone of the original jazz standard, or whether he’ll take something more along the lines of Joni’s embattled, complicated notions of home and relationships, and further comment on and explore that. The dark lyrics and bright 80s beat of AIW might suggest the latter, but I guess I just gotta wait two months and see.

Three: Don’t leave Harry a vm he’ll put you in a random song

I also love that there’s an inclusion of talking voices in both songs, in AIW at the beginning and Harry’s House/Centerpiece right after the Centerpiece interlude; both are angry, but Harry’s is a little girl scolding him for not following the routine of saying good night to her (which, in the context of the song, I take as a deviation that like. Could be happening because the narrator isn’t doing so well, or is facing a lot of inner turmoil, maybe) and in Joni’s is the wife chastising the husband because her life is limited and she’s frustrated. Both are disempowered characters, in a way; a child is inherently dependent on others, and in addition to the wife being trapped and objectified in Harry’s House/Centerpiece, The Hissing of Summer Lawns (album’s title track) references a woman who’s locked in a house by a domineering husband also— which, when I consider the way we think about H and women, and how we often read H mentioning women or using women in visuals as referencing gender, well. There’s quite a bit there— maybe a more feminine, or even more childlike or girlish, self being held captive and compromised by a societally required masculine role, and the discomfort and inner turbulence that that engenders (badumtss)? Relationships readable as inner conflict, again (!!!!).

Four: I’ll tell you where you can shove that paper

Similarly, the last lines of Harry’s House/Centerpiece being “To tell him like she did today / Just what he could do with Harry's house / And Harry's take home pay” and the implication that Joni’s Harry is a financially successful senior exec or whatever, at whatever corporate BS he’s devoted his working life to, lead pretty well into Harry’s, like, atmospheric success as an artist— what’s projected onto you and expected of you at that level of visibility, the hollowing greedy Manly Man character that’s shoved onto successful men and against which Harry often directly pushes. To me, this combo feels almost like a self-admonishment: if the wife in Joni’s song is comparable in some way to an inner, more fluid and/or feminine side that the world has led H to keep cooped up doing menial tasks and homemaking, creating ~Harry’s House~, whatever that is— and that he is, as a person perceived as a Man, expected to silence, control— then I wonder if the heaviness and anger that Harry’s House/Centerpiece ends on might extend to H’s album. At the end of the song, the wife tells Harry to fuck off, and the implication is that she’s leaving him, but when I first heard the song what I really registered was the reminder that— she was always the one guiding Harry, telling him what the possibilities for their house, their home, their shared life, could be— and she’s sick of his shallow papered-over ways of seeing her and the world, she’s angry, when she leaves she's going to leave him directionless— and, well. Put next to H's upcoming album and what we know about it, that looks a bit. Difficult and transformative, to me. At the risk of sounding too much like my therapist, we often don’t nurture our inner selves near enough, what we really want, really need, and often that results in a lot of self-resentment and anger, difficulty, and disconnection from ourselves.

I just think this Harry’s House/Centerpiece reference can be seen as such a cool meditation on selfhood: like, the possible combination of self-reproach and self-liberation (here thinking of the Christine and the Queens mv for Doesn't Matter, thank you endlessly again @thestylinsons for showing me this gem). When I think of all the bitter sadness of the ending of Harry’s House/Centerpiece and compare it with the joy at the end of H’s mv and how he hugs the blue character, who I think is pretty convincingly a representation of H’s inner child or inner sentiments; and when I imagine that that blue self could be analogous in some ways to the wife, who releases herself at the end of Harry’s House/Centerpiece, abandons the construction of a restrictive husband’s house and possibly moves to create her own— I really like the direction that leads, the suggestion that Harry’s House (H album) might be an ambivalent space, both something H has designed for himself and, at times, a cage of sorts— a place where there's comfort, predictability, and homeliness, as well as the pain of brutal self-honesty and a need for constant change and growth.

Five: You know it’s not the same as it was!!!!

Because— both songs end up reflecting heavily on the idea of change: it’s not the same as it was, the decay of the couple’s marriage. They're reflective songs, both with characters reminiscing about the past and comparing it to the future: Harry’s House/Centerpiece is mostly told in present tense, then goes back in time for a moment, then ends when the wife starts to look ahead to a new life, or at least starts to take vocal issue with her current one. And in AIW, I take the middle verse, at least, to be, like, a hodgepodge of memories? It's internal but relational, H speaking to a “you” and to, I think, himself also; Harry’s House/Centerpiece is detached, observational, third person mostly, but both are so personal, and both treat themes of shifting selfhood and how that shifts relationships over time, how that shifts everything, how that’s difficult. Importantly, Harry’s House/Centerpiece does this through the wife character— and with the song having been released in 1975, by an artist who has always discussed and sung openly about women and their particular experiences under a patriarchal system— there’s a lot of energy of, like. Resisting regressive and limiting social norms in and around this song and much of Joni’s music, especially as regards gender roles— which is obviously a theme H has treated many, many times in the past, in really exciting ways.

There’s certainly more I could say about Harry’s House/Centerpiece, and we'll see if there's more when the album comes out, but I’m just. Oooooo I’m so excited for what Harry might do with this Joni source material, or at least for the cool interactions that we’ll be able to pull from the two when we’re finally let into the whole of Harry’s House. <3

#rambles #it is literally so early and i am already doing this. what happens when this thing comes out for real

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jt-artsandfics · 4 years ago

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Hi there!

Could I ask for some angst with Bi-han? Like maybe something about a big argument with an angry "I'm done" to his face or just him pissing off his s/o. Or anything you would like! I live for angst with a happy ending. т.т Thanks for considering it!

Ok so "this" is characters talking in Chinese. Becuase there is a moment where Bi-han talks in it.

Update: I forgot to put the header hahah

Bi-han doesn't know what lead up to it, he and his S/o never fought and now looking back it was the last time they really did other then a small bicker here and there. All he knows is that his S/o has left and his head is now in his hands. Tears run down the side of his face before he slams his fist into he table. Ice crackles around him as covers the table and floor. He stands up and wipes his face. Bi-han moves to the window watching the snow fall outside. It's silent, and a blood curdling scream breaks though the Silence.

Bi-han's eyes go wide hearing his lover scream. He runs to the door throwing it open and sprinting out onto the snow covered field.

"Y/N!!"

~ten minutes before~

"Bi-han!, you can't just kill every person who is out here!, some are wanderers trying to get home!, others might need help!" His S/o yells, he looks from the body of a man he had frozen once he entered His Home.

"No one with any good intentions would be out here, even of a day time, it's the reason we live here Y/n, it's secluded and far enough away the anyone who comes here, I'll know have no good intentions." He says throwing the man's body back out into the snow with enough force that it shatters the frozen man's body into manly pieces.

"Your so fucking paranoid Bi!, not everyone is out to get you!" They yell back atm him. He moves up to them grabbing their arms enough to hold them close but not to hurt them. He would never her his lover. It was one thing he promised himself. He would never raise his hand to them and he would fucking make sure he never caused them harm. Even if they fought.

"Being paranoid is the only reason I've lived this long Baby, you don't get to my age without killing those who come after you. And I'll be damned if I lose you. So id rather be paranoid and kill every person who comes here then find you dead!" he says lifting their face to look into his bright blue eyes. He puts both his hands on their cheeks rubbing them with his thumbs.

They look down before they looked up eyes hard as they stare him down. They pull away from his touch and move two steps away. "Ironic huh, don't want me to end up the same as some of the people you kill" the taunt, Bi-han tense as they say that, Eyes going wide. He stands there silently eyes down cast.

"It's what I do Y/n, it's my job. Remember I'm not normal. And you!, are the one who wanted to live here. You chose to come and live with me. You! Chose to love me!" He yells causing them to flich as ice covers one half of the house. His S/o backs up to the door, there fsce portraying all their emotions. "Well I'm starting to think I made a mistake" they say opening the door and walking out.

Bi-han stand frozen to the spot for a second before he bolts to the door. "Y/N! where are you going?!" He calls out as he watches them walk across the snow covered field. "Away from Here! Leave me the fuck alone!" They yell back to him.

Bi-han slams the door as he closes it and sinks down onto the floor. He sits there and cries before standing up and moving to the small table with books on it. He snatches up the table before throwing it across the room into a wall where it breaks. He lets out a roar of a yell as ice engulf the the room. He makes His way over to the small table when he sinks down and cries.

~in the present ~

Bi-han sprints thought the snow heading towards the trees. The scream had gone quite ad he runs towards the direction he heard it. He comes to a halt looking hoping to find some sign of his lover. He can hear movement in the snow and he hears a voice. "Quite your fucking squirming you little fuck" Bi-han eyes go wide as his instincts kick it. His fight or flight refect going into full fight mode as he sprints towards the voice.

He comes to a sliding stop onto behind a tree after he sees two men and a body that he figures as his lover. They are tied up. He is filled with dread once he sees the blood. The temperature drops even move out of hiding. He marches towards the men.

"Who the fuck are you! " one yells. Bi-han makes the ice begin to float as he glares that the two man who stare in absolute fear.

"The harbinger of you're death!" He growls as he unleashes his fury on the two man. The men fall dead almost instantly. Bi-han stands in his spot as it goes quite again. His eyes snap to his S/o who lays on the ground gagged and tied up.

"Y/N!" He yells sprinting over to where they lay. He picks them up seeing blood drip from their head where a small wound is. Y/n whimpers as he pulls the gag off and undoes the rope.

"Baby please, please talk to me" he say pulling them into his arms before he sprints back towards their house.

~ A day later~

Bi-han sits beside his bed where his lover lays wrapped up in blankets. He runs his hand over their forehead.

"How are they doing?" His brothers voice ask from the door. Bi-han shoots up turning to his brother. Kuai raises his hands in a surrender. Bi-han sighs nodding to his brother.

"They have more colour now, I was so worried that they... that..." Kuai moves to place his hand on his brothers shoulder. "They are strong. And if anything they will make it just so they can argue with you more" he chuckles. Kuai places a hand on his brother's S/o's forehead checking their temperature.

"I think they will be fine now. I'll leave you to it and head back, I can be gone to long" Kuai says heading to the door. He turns back to his older brother. "Bi-han look after them, I like this one and I like seeing you happy" he says staring him a small laugh from Bi-han.

"I will Tundra" he says moving to sit on the side of the bed.

~thirty minutes later~

Soft eyes open and Y/n comes too, they are wrapped in blankets as they wake up. The room is quite and they sit up looking around. Their body hurts as they stand up on wobbly legs and make their way out if the room. "Bi-han?" The Kuei Lin assassin turns around quickly to be ment with his lover wrapped in a mass of blankets as they stand in the door way of the kitchen.

"Baby!" Bi-han drops everything he is holding a she rushes to his S/o. His hands are on their face checking them before pulling them into a hug and then a kiss. "Baby I'm so sorry!, I shouldn't have yelled at you" he says softly, they rest their head on his shoulder pulling him closer. "No, no! You were right I should have listened. You were just trying to look after me." They whimper as he lifts them up and takes them back to bed.

"No more fighting?, I don't want you or I to go thought that again" he says while laying his S/o down on the bed. "Promise!, no fighting. Unless it's play fighting" They whisper back holding up their pinky to link with his. He seals the deal.

"Fukc baby the was the most scary thing I've been though this century." He hums earning a laugh from his lover.

"Yea, yea old man!"

#mortal kombat imagines #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat #mortal kombat sub zero #mortal kombat bi han #bi han #bi han x reader #bi-han #sub zero #sub zero x reader #mortal kombat 2021

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addictedtostorytelling · 3 years ago

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What do you think Grissom meant in the “I need you” like at the crime scene and Sara’s look / smile after he says it?

hi, anon!

well, in the literal, surface-level sense, he means that since he has a complicated pair of coincident cases before him (i.e., the aggravated assault on the taxi driver and the stabbing homicide of the teenager), he needs another criminalist to help him in the investigation, because there's too much work for just one person to do by himself. as he explains to sara, everyone else on the team is unavailable, and he has no id, no suspects, and no primary crime scene. if he's gonna get this thing solved, he will require another set of hands AND another mind at work to get everything processed and figured out.

of course, as is usually the case with gsr, there's the surface level, and then there's what lies beneath—and in this case what lies beneath is an apology of sorts.

note that when sara first walks up to grissom and starts "complaining" about how he called her away from a mandatory continuing education seminar, she is 100% putting on a show, trying to flirt with him. she's not really upset about the call-in—and is in fact excited that he chose her to spend the day with—she's just being sassy to tease him. you can tell by how she makes sure to mention that the seminar was on forensic anthropology (i.e., the same topic as grissom's 1998 forensic academy seminar, where she and grissom first met and fell in love) and also because she has that kind of cocky affect going on.

unfortunately for her, grissom is in no mood to flirt, atm.

he's stressed, so he ends up being curt with her ("well, i'm sorry, but everyone seems to have something to do today"), responding to her playfulness with a dour rundown of a long list of things going wrong with his case so far.

watch sara's face as he does so: you can see her do a sort of "oh shit. i totally played that wrong. oh shit. yeah, no, he's not interested in joking around today. okay. yikes" reaction in real time, her brow furrowing and mouth falling open as she realizes he's not sharing her same wavelength.

of course, we can't see either grissom or sara's eyes in this scene, as they're both wearing shades, so i can't say so with 100% certainty, but i'm pretty sure grissom clocks sara's little recoil as soon as it happens and recognizes that he misread her "grousing" from earlier as more serious than she meant it to be.

she's not actually arguing with him; she's there to help.

that's why he adds a coda to soften the blow of his diatribe at the end: "i need you."

as stated above, one reading of the statement is professional—he needs her to help him work the case—but the other one is personal.

over the years, grissom has always used the lab/the work to represent himself when he expresses his attraction to and yearning for sara—such as, for instance, in episode 02x15 "burden of proof" when he tells her "the lab needs [her]" or even later on in episode 05x13 "nesting dolls" when he tells ecklie "she's a great criminalist, conrad. and i need her." he always makes it about the job, because that's what safe to him; that's justifiable. however, in reality, he’s using the job as a stand-in for his own self and his feelings.

so he does the same thing here.

outwardly, he's telling her "i need your help on this case" but on a more personal note, he's expressing that he didn't mean to be harsh to her and that he does want her around—not just in a professional capacity—because, of course, he always does.

it's a sincere expression of genuine feeling, a little bit of vulnerability from him to make up for his prickliness earlier.

and that's why sara smiles—because that man is so damn charming.

she knows the professional meaning behind the words, but she also hears the personal one. yeah, it was probably largely luck of the draw that she ended up being the only team member who was even potentially available to come help him today, but that doesn't mean he wasn't secretly happy it was her.

she knows he was.

he's basically telling her as much.

in this context, "i need you" is tantamount to "i want you."

and she'll be damned if she doesn't love hearing him so say.

cue a three-day long gsr super date, replete with all kinds of romantic overtures, sweet gestures, and eye sex galore.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #meta: grissom #03x09 #let's talk shop #csiverse

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a-non-ymouswriter · 3 years ago

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OH THANK THE GODS HE DIDNT SEE THE REST OF TWITTER HOLY FUCK-

Ok ok ok… breathe.

So uh, there’s certainly a lot to unpack here, first of all, whoever is behind all of this has higher stakes than we may have realized and I’m very confused, who the hell are they!? Also: “We might be able to get Karl back, see Tommy again, and make sure this world doesn't end up like the last one." WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!? WHAT LAST ONE? SEE TOMMY AGAIN? WHO ARE YOU DHFGCGFHFH WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘MAY’ GET KARL BACK? IS HE IN THAT BAD OF A SHAPE? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Second, finally, finally they figured it out! They know! They know now they know! 24 chapters in and they finally realized it’s not just an ARG dnchchfhcgdgdh. I am so happy. But yeah! This brings up a lot of problems and questions I’ve been stressing over for months now! Like, how Tubbo’s been unintentionally and unknowingly exposing End Kingdom secrets to literally millions of people! Or how they’ve all been watching these people without their consent go through things that they probably wouldn’t want to share with a bunch of strangers! Or how the hell are the streamers supposed to break the news of the situation and will Tommy and co. even believe them if whatever magic doesn’t let them show proof!?

Also, the morality of telling them! I’d be horrified to learn that thousands of strangers have been watching my life and getting entertainment off of it like some tv show without my knowledge, to the point where I’m not sure I’d want to know, especially if I can’t do anything to stop it. On the other hand, it’s their life so as mortifying as it may be for Wilbur to come clean and tell them what’s been going on, they deserve to know because refusing them that truth is refusing them agency in their own lives and allowing a horrible violation of privacy to continue without the people who’s privacy is being violated’s knowledge. Wilbur, you poor fuck, you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place atm, even when the right thing to is pretty obvious.

Also, minor detail I caught, might mot even be on purpose but… worldbuilding? “Who the fuck names themselves Wilbur?”. I’m fascinated by the concept of names in a world like Minecraft because you get to chose your own name, thats how we end up with things like Mumbo Jumbo, BadBoyHalo, or Ranboo, or Stressmonster, etc. and I’ve seen different writers tackle the subject of names in different ways when it comes to worldbuilding and find really interesting what they can come up with. Does this apply to Stream Labs universe as well? Are names there obtained differently than in our world? Are there any cultural norms surrounding names? Does it vary from place to place or from species to species or is it the same around the world?

okay! finally answering the big question here sdafh sorry it took so long dude but again, i had fun rereading the asks in my inbox as well as just, not being able to answer for a while.

asijdha there's a lot of things going on behind the scenes and a lot of things at stake here XD karl's more or less in worse shape than he really should be at the moment. you're gonna have to see for what i meant by 'last world' and 'see tommy again' for future chapters.

24 chapters in and we're FINALLY approaching the subject i know. i'm wondering if i should've done the pacing a bit differently. but what's done is done and we can finally progress a bit faster now :D

yeah the dilemma of the streamers having the ability, choice and decision to tell tommy and thus tubbo what happened- that's a big can of worms that they're gonna have to figure out soon. but they'll try their best!

don't worry, it won't be ONLY wilbur who has to be able do it soon... he's going to drag techno, and phil in because he's NOT doing it alone!! XDD

i'm glad that someone actually noticed that little tidbit! it is worldbuilding, and yeah people in the stream labs world have the choice and ability to choose their names- i'll try to get into it in the future and hopefully it'll make sense but i'll get to that in a later chapter. if i don't then just remind me and i'll get into it then!

#ask #late ask #late answer

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rainbowdelicsunshine · 3 years ago

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got tagged by @pencil-amateur to do a tag game and I'm actualy pretty happy to do so!

1. why did you choose your url: My overall online penname is both a combo of the words "Rainbow" and "Psychedelic". Thus: RainbowDelic! I add words to the end of this depending on my needs (for example my art blog is called RainbowDelicArtz cuz, well, I post my art there)!

2. any sideblogs? I currently use this one (a personal blog), my art blog, my art blog, and my writing/headcanons/rambling blog. I have a Danganronpa sprite edit blog and a kin help blog that I don't really use anymore, but are still free to look at (might use my sprite edit blog again one day,,,,,). I also used to have several RP and ask blogs that flopped!

3. how long have you been on tumblr: Oh man..... I think since I was, like, 14 or 15 when I made my very first one (which is long gone now)

4. why did you originally start your blog: I really LOVED the MLP ask blogs that were coming out at the time and loved how the inbox system seemed to work at the time, so I joined originally as an attempt at an ask blog (it flopped lol)!

5. why did you choose your icon: For this blog, I chose Karin Kokubu for Tonde Burin for March since she's one of my all time favorite magical girls!

6. why did you choose your header: For on here, I just really love fruit!

7. what’s your post with the most notes: For my art blog it's this one! (as of typing it has a total of 113 notes)

8. how many mutuals do you have: I don't really know since I'm not good at keeping track of those kinds of things (sorry!) But I think I at least have 7-10 of them

9. how many followers do you have: My Art Blog (RainbowDelicArtz): 115; My Personal Blog (this one): 221; ; Writing/Headcanon/Rambling Blog (RainbowDelicGalore): 70. Total: 406

10. how many blogs do you follow: 356

11. have you ever made a shitpost: Yes! I love doing it when I do, even if I'm the only one who finds them funny!

12. how many times do you use tumblr a day: A lot depending on what's happening in my life at the time lol

13. have you ever fought another blog: No, not really. Other than one of those stupid "callout" docs that were popular to make a few years ago being made on me lol

14. how do you feel about “need to reblog” posts: Meh..... not into it!

15. do you like tag games: I like them, they're fun!

16. do you like ask games: Man I LOVE doing ask games, they're always so interesting and fun to answer them and keep myself distracted via my inbox! I just get them very often whenever I do reblog them

17. which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous: Not really sure about that and I don't really care to know the answer ngl

18. do you have a crush on a mutual: Very small ones but since I don't talk to people on a regular basis much, I'm not really at the point of crushing hard on anyone atm. I'm trying to take things slow and let things come when its time

19. tags: Anyone can do this if they want but I shall tag @majobun @stupidsunny-d and @jenniferlovesthebeatles

#🌈 fozz's posts #🌈 fozz chit chats #ask games

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ariluisi · 4 years ago

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Kazunari Miyoshi as Aquila

I think I'm obsessed with putting some 'screens or reflections' of their respected trope, past achievement, old self and etc. At first the reason why I do this is because I love to look back, for example in my last Tsumugi fanart, I drew him half in his new role and half in his past self and looking down and a little dark. Which somehow symbolises that if you keep looking down and keep brooding you'll just get nowhere but if you take a step forward you'll be able to see the world and realize that there are many things that you can do to be happy and achieve your dreams. I've also shared a mini story of myself there.

As for Kazunari, I think he is definitely a character I can relate to. And the only difference in us are how many connections/friends he have, and of course his energy, I just can't be as hyper as he is at times.

But the fact that he wants to have a deeper connection with the Natsugumi when their just starting is one of the things I can relate with. I have a lot of irl friends but at the same time I don't think I can really call them friends. But there is a certain friends that I want to have a deeper connection with, and I'm happy to say that we're like close siblings and always help each other out and accept one another. At first I also just can't be honest with them and just kept on agreeing on whatever they say but because I want to have a deeper connection with them I began opening up, speaking up my opinions and many more.

And also he have a lot of things that he want to do but he doesn't know what to choose among it. I'm pretty much the same, I have a lot of things I want to do but instead of acknowledging them I ran away instead and made many excuses. As I've shared in my Tsumugi fanart as Officer Ao, right now I am now running towards my dream and is doing my best to achieve it. I dream of being a artist, mangaka, voice actor, and stage actor. Yup it's a lot right? I thought that these dreams are way too big for me so I just chose something out of the box but now that I decided to face this things and I've also acknowledged the fact that I want to do them all, I don't want to choose just one and abandon what I'm taking atm. Thus, I am now working hard to be able to achieve those.

"Although I know that life is full of hardship and I might not be able to achieve a few or all of them. At least I won't regret anything in the future, I've done whatever I could by that time. "

With much love, Al

#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3 act addict actors #a3!#mankai #mankai company #al draws #a3 fanart #a3! fanart #mankai a3!#a3! mankai #a3! game #kazunari miyoshi #miyoshi kazunari #a3! kazunari

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bottlecaprabbitgames · 4 years ago

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saw that you go by cyprus now and i'm !! love that for you 💛💛 :-) if you don't mind me asking - how'd you go about choosing it ? i been thinking about changing my name for a bit but haven't really thought of anything concrete and oops sorry for rambling i hope both you and faye have a great day !! 💗

Thank you so much!!! I'm a lot Happier going by it now too, even with the bs we're dealing with atm. But how I chose it is a looooong story...

Okay so it all begins in middle school. I thought I was trans and I got really into Maximum Ride. Like, it was one of the ONLY things I'd read outside of Harry Potter and Darren Shan's two main series back then. So, I made an OC: Cypress Ride who was just Me, but the Me I wanted to be. Then yknow things happen as they do in Big Christian Households, and I thought I was just confused bc God. Nuff said, I'm sure.

So, that's how it went for a long while. Until probably aboutttt uh two years ago, after my Dad died, I started question my gender real heavily, and out came Cypress again. Though, I wanted to change it, and so I mix-n-matched it with Cyrus... from Pokemon Platinum 💀 (don't bully me I played that damn thing like crazy as a kid as it was my first video game) and behold: there was Cyprus. Still wasn't going by it, because that's a Big Scary Step.

And finally I decided to go ham on it the past few months, and honestly, really like it. I'm vibing, as the youths say.

Honestly, I think a lot of people run through several names they try out, which is ALSO what I did back in middle school. I'd say grab like 5 or so you like, and slowly try them out until one of them really just makes you happy!!!

#asks #name change

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junicai · 4 years ago

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just wanted to take some time to tell you how wonderful your work is? I've been reading you for a while (and had fallen in love with everything you post!) and honestly i love coming back to reread all your stuff because it is so entertaining ❤️ I was wondering how do you do it? do you have a way to organise your story, plan it beforehand or simply write what inspires you atm? I'm just so intrigued, i follow you and a bunch of other addition blogs and i really don't know how you even begin to craft the whole addition thing but it is so interesting!!! I also wanted to ask if i could be a regular anon (if that's ok with you) maybe?

oh my gosh sweetheart this means so much to me i'm -

i don't tend to plan my posts? i have a general idea of where i want the post to go (like, "aria gets lost in a shopping dept" or smth similar) and i'll just start typing and see where it goes

normally posts take me 1 or 2 edits and read throughs because i don't want to put out anything that i'm not 100% happy with

you've all been so encouraging and just lovely and i want to post things that are a good standard to meet that shdjd

i have a big long list of those little starters in one of my notebooks that i'll add to periodically when i get a new idea - and then when it comes to writing, i'll chose one of them (whatever one hits with inspiration i guess?) and just see where it takes me

aria has a general timeline that i've written out - for major things that have occurred (most of which i have yet to write about shdj) and i'll work my everyday posting around those events

and you can ABSOLUTELY be a regular anon 💖 welcome to the fam 💕

#*cass.replies

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irisvseyelash · 5 years ago

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[Part 1] B-But my thingsss is just either sleep, eat, having existensial crisis while doing nothing (esp during this lockdown), staring at my ceiling for hours, checking any Batarou content for hours too, or making super random hcs. So yeah, I'll do it anyway! It's already halfway done, btw✌ Also good chance to try how that submit button will work I'm honestly curious, too 😗 Lmao the teachers had already fed up for these 2 rascal kids, they're so done with all shoujo love drama between them 😂

[Part 2] I believe Bang will pester Garou by asking anything about Badd EVERYTIME like a nagging father. Bang: "When will you make Badd my son-in-law?", Garou: "I'M NOT EVEN GRADUATED FROM HIGHSCHOOL PLZ CHILL, OLDMAN!!". Zenko: "Ma, bigbro has a new bf. That's why he insisted to make extra lunchbox every morning", Badd: "Zenko NO-", Mom: "WHA-, BADD WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL MA, HUH?! NOW CALL YOUR BF HE MUST GOING TO DINNER WITH US TOMORROW". They adore Garou very much in the end. Good! 😆

[Part 3] It's OK to write our emotion out! Sometimes I also write comfortfic/sickfic when I'm depressed, depended my mood atm. But happy end always there, even it's in "twisted" way, huehehehe~ *suspicious evil laugh* 😈 When I make my OTP die: "oh no poor soul.. let me do it in a quick merciful way 😢😇". When I make my disliked charas die: "YASS SWEET PAINFUL DEATH TASTED SO GOOD, MMHMM.. NO MERCY FOR YOU OHOHOHO-- 💀😈" (and yesss plz talk more about your Batarou Hanahaki!AU 👀✨)

[Part 4] Aww THANK YOU, IRIS! I'm glad that you think I'm one of the best anon or I've provided good Batarou hcs this year, I feel honoured too tysm I LOVE YOU TOO aaaa-- 😭🙏💖💗💘💕💞💝🌸 (wha? I never joined any discord, only lurking around on tumblr as anon or ao3 as Little1993lamb lol 😜). Also, I'm glad that I could meet you in this fandom. Because what? TWOSET GANG!! SOUTH-EAST ASIAN GANG!! FELLOW BATAROU FANS!! YOOO~ WE (and the rest of fandom members) ARE AWESOME!! 🙌🙌

[Part 5] OMG I FORGOT TO MENTION, Temperans-sama made another DemonAngel Monster!Batarou again it's so magnificent I'm fangirling at it rn I'M CRYING I'M MELTIN-- *incoherence babling mess*. Lol sorry for that, but seriously plz checked on her newest art! Despite labeled as nsfw, there's no actual explicit content in it. Only implication, the rest is our imagination.. 😏 Badd's wings in the art, bro.. I can't stop looking at his soft fluffy wings. The lighting made him looked like HOLY BEING 😳✨

Me: Hm... Wonder if Dyan's replied yet

This 5-Part ask: hELLO THERE

Me: *literally startled enough to drop my phone*

Ah yes anyway, your things is indeed a big mood but don't you have like... Work, to do? I mean mine's just a mountain of assignments and schoolwork ( ;- ;)

wEll I guEsS NOt ¯\(°_o)/¯

It's halfway done? 👀👀👀👀👀 can't wait to reaaaad ugghhhdhdhdh and looks like the mystery of a post submission is gonna be solved soon wheeEEEEE

Okay but the teachers being So Done™ with the two of them is a big mood like who wouldn't be if they were probably the type to literally skip class just to escape school and hang out at the arcade or the manga store or sumn (*cough* Date *Corona*)

Also, your little convo of the typical teen and their s/o is PERFECT I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING 😂😂😂😂👌👌👌 Bang's just going "I want to see grandchildren before I die" and Garou just going "dAD NO—" AND BADD'S MOM GOING ALL "LET ME SEE MY FUTURE SON-IN-LAW *SCREECH*" and Badd just looking around at the shopping centre like "Mom.. Mom stop... Mom people are looking sTOP" because they would be at the grocery store looking for the ingredients to buy and his mom dragging him because she wants to know ALL about this charming young man that successfully charmed her hard-head of a son

And when they meet one another they just. CHARMED. CHARRRRMMMMEEDDDDDD YOU HEAR MEEEE

Garou's arrival would be like *steps into Badd's mom's view* *imaginary roses start appearing out of nowhere because he REALLY DRESSED UP for this* and his mom turning to Badd like "If you're not gonna marry him I will" and then Badd just proceeds to choke because this old woman wants to marry an 18 year old like no bro nooooo

And Badd would be just. Baby. He's baby enough that Bang would fuss over him so much that Badd accidentally snaps at him and Bang goes all "Oooooh feisty. You chose a great one, Sonny" and Badd has his back almost folded in half by how hard Bang smacked him and Garou just flusters and stutters amd is just overall Embarassed™ not for himself but for his 'Dad' whose making Badd a little overwhelmed at how he's acting

Idk man my teacher said writing with the ink called emotion's not good. Like the readers can see that you utterly despise or adore that character or situation. Which in my opinion is great, but I guess not

ヽ(｀⌒´)ノ

But yess killing off that one character you hate the most just gives you so much satisfaction that you just... Can't help but grin when you write out their death.

And Imma write up the Hanahaki AU in the reblog of this post... Soon. Cause I needa finish reading Azfa Hanani (my literature book) for tomorrow's quiz D': AND YES DYAN YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE FOR WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW I LOVE YOUUUUUU

*squints suspiciously* that wink looks very sus and even if you ARE in the discord gang, Fiji is the twosetter there and YES TWOSET GANG (wait a damn minute) ASEAN GANG AND BATAROU GANG WE COOL (EVERYONE TOO)

AND TEMPERANS-SAMA POSTED ANOTHER ART?! HDHDHDGSGGD OH NOOOOOO ITS NSFW I CANT LOOK AT THATTTTTTT I'M 15 (°ﾛ°٥) *snurt* Oh there's no explicit content? Oho okay~ AFTER FINISHING MY BOOK.

And BABBLE ON ALL YOU WANT DYAN

Temperans-sama's art is ✨magnifique✨ and is just simply on a whole other level. SO I TOTALLY GETCHU.

I WAS A WHOLE BABBLING MESS WHEN Y'ALL STARTED TO INTERACT WITH ME TOO MY FIRST WAS CAIN THEN EIR AND THEN YOU AND THEN THE DISCORD GANG AND I LOVE, APPRECIATE AND ADORE ALL OF YOU—

*clears throat* Excuse me. Anyways, since I'm a little restless today, my mind made another au but Azfa Hanani style and I can't wait to finish the story so I can just write a whole AU for my boys :')

So anyways when I've seen the art I will simply simp harder for them I see 👀 I am unprepared but then again just when are we, amirite?

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aenslem · 5 years ago

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I'm back :P 003 & Lilith, or 001 & a fandom you want to talk about?

you’re back yay :D

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: my fav character of the show?? i am really sorry for her though, i mean, if the writers would not treat her so bad and would not throw her around for the sake of other characters in the show, and would stop adding her traumas, she would probably be one of my all time favs also, i mean i really love her, but i also need this show to actually respect her because i should not just love the potential there is and expect the worst from the show, which is how i feel right now about this character. I don’t have a hope she will get out of all that mess alive at all, and tbh do i want her to stay alive now? both are so bad honestly. If she dies she will probably die in the worst way possible, by the hands of Lucifer. Or cos Sabrina made another mistake and Lilith had to pay. If she stays alive what is there for her? Sabrina’s gonna have a throne, or she will be there to rule with her child from Lucifer (stil jfc wtf ?????????) and that will be the only reason she is there, cos she gave birth to the child, not because she actually deserves it, or Sabrina will tell her ok i messed up this time a lot but i choose my fam so you go rule until i get tired again. This show doesn’t deserve such a good character, because there;s so much, and yet, the only thing they use her for is to torture in one or another way, or tell sabrina some important information such as those regalias which no one could ever find just for sabrina to find them second later cos she is sPeCiAl.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Zelda, that’s the only character i ship her with and honestly the only two i ship in the show at all.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: We did not actually see any relationship of her with anyone but Sabrina, Lucifer, Stolas and Adam. And while the last was the best of all, it was romantic and others i just don’t like. and there was also Blackwood, but, lmao I despise that character so... none? ah wait, the kids! She helped the kids no matter that she actually tried to get rid of them, in some way she actually helped them and i kinda enjoyed the entire thing in part 2, she did not have to help them, but she still stood up for Theo so yes, these relationship i choose! Probably the only normal relationship she had which did not end badly yet.

My unpopular opinion about this character: this show doesn’t deserve her :D is it unpopular? lmao she should be the one on the throne? ajksdhjah i don’t have unpopular opinions about Lilith i guess, we just all see she is the only one who is capable of ruling in general, and that she totally deserves that throne for all that she has been through, and yet... also might be unpopular but while i so want her to actually get the throne, cos honestly, who else is there who actually deserves it??? i also think that she doesn’t really need it. she was ready to run away with adam cos he was nice to her, if she has a place in the world, in any of them where there will be someone who actually cares about her and not uses her, she might actually be happy with it and enjoy life? but since it’s p4 and there’s no one who could be that one for her, the only possible way for her to be happy, which i see, is to have that damn throne.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: oh man, where do i start? :D ok, to narrow down to one thing, after p2 i would not make her regent right away, actually I would be happy to see the entire battle between Lilith and those kings for the throne, it would be more interesting, i wanted her to fight for it and get it, not search for Sabrina because kings wanted morningstar on the throne. Like she was so badass in the end of p2??? where it all go? yes, she was also because there were others with her who helped her, and honestly if it stayed like that would be so much better. Some bts of hell would be cool. Why Sabrina and Caliban could search for those regalias and Lilith could not? She literally knows everything there, and she did not know that? Did i miss the part where it was said she can’t join for some reason? but before that, why everyone forgot that Lilith actually is powerful witch??????? argh! She could help the coven, if they asked and when she came for the help she gets no? yes, i already said she did some shit in the past but powerful ally who can actually help you atm and you say to her no? how about at least using her powers, fight pegans, win and then think about everything else? nah, let her get pregnant while her abuser is in the body of another abuser yeah, that’s so much better because ??????? Those, lilith and the coven could help each other and then think about who is bad and who is good and why they should not work together. I was really tired of everyone using lilith as the source of knowledge only or when they needed her, every other time she had to suffer...

Favorite friendship for this character: there was one?

My crossover ship: idk but i have seen a fic with Lilith and 13th doctor and yes, I would like to see it and also have Missy there, maybe master chose that face for a reason or smth idk just get Lilith out of that place and let her be happy.

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

askjakdhjk i forgot all the shows i have seen lmao it’s better to ask ^^’

Send me a fandom/ship/character and I will tell you my

#text #ask #ask game #lilith #chilling adventures of sabrina #mayalunas

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t-lostinworlds · 7 years ago

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Blurb #1 (E.D.)

A/N: First off, I’m sorry for taking sooo long anon (since i’m also working on a Gray fic request atm) and I thought I’d take a break and do this too, I tried making it into a short blurb but well, 3k+ words isn’t exactly short or a blurb so yeah consider this a short fic instead (but i’m still going to call it a blurb lol). I’m so sorry anon but I’m bad at smut so there’s not going to be one in here, well, at least not a detailed one.

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

Date nights can vary into different things, whether it‘s going out to dinner in a fancy restaurant, or just staying at home, cuddled up on the couch with your boyfriend, watching a movie played on the screen that took too long to pick due to a never ending argument on who gets to choose what to watch.

However, it doesn’t really matter what movie is on or who won the argument, because most likely, halfway through it, none of you is paying it any attention as you’re too busy making out.

This is exactly what’s happening right now with you and your boyfriend, Ethan.

The sexual tension between the two of you has always been sky high as you have never had sex before considering the fact that you are still a virgin. Sure making out happens here and there, but it never did escalate into something more with one simple reason, you just aren’t ready yet.

Sex to you is big deal. You’ve always wanted your first time to be special, memorable even. Not just a random hook up in which you’ll regret later on. You want to lose you virginity to someone special, someone you love, to someone who you can really trust.

Ethan being the sweetest and most amazing boyfriend that there is, of course he respects your decision, and he will always respect your decision as you are the love of his life, the girl of his dreams, the woman who makes him incredibly happy.

But no matter how much he tries, he can never control himself and his raging hormones at all times, being a teenager and all. And you being the most beautiful and sexiest girl he’s laid his eyes on, doesn’t really help. Especially when you’re sat on his lap, straddling his waist with your fingers buried deep into his hair, tugging it from time to time as you suck on his bottom lip.

“Babe.” Ethan groaned, hands gripping on your waist tightly, trying to make you move so that you can grind on his hard on, desperately needing some kind of release as your make out session has left him hot and bothered. You let out a small giggle at his desperation that was soon replaced by a gasp as you sat directly on top of him, his sweatpants and your silk shorts doing very little to separate the two of you.

Obliging with both your needs, you moved your hips in a slow yet teasing manner, the action surprising him and you as you’ve never gone this far before. Heck, you’ve never even touched his yet, even from just outside his pants, and same goes from him to you.

“Fuck.” Ethan took a sharp intake of breath, pulling away from your lips as he threw his head back with his eyes shut and mouth slightly agape. You ran your fingers through the front of his hair, your bottom lip getting caught between your teeth, and when Ethan opened his eyes, the sight only left him wanting more.

You let out a squeal as Ethan wrapped his arms around you tightly, flipping you over so that now you were lying flat on the couch with him hovering above you. His lips found yours again, only this time, it was a soft, gentle and loving kiss, one that made your heart flutter, making you soft and mushy on the inside. When Ethan pulled away, his eyes met yours instantly, it showing nothing but his love and admiration for you, maybe a hint of lust too.

There is no denying just how much he wanted to just rip your clothes off and fuck you senseless, but he doesn’t want to push you or force you into doing it. He wants you to willingly tell him that you’re ready, and that you really want to do it, not just in the heat of the moment.

“We need to stop, or else I may not be able to control myself.” Ethan gave you a small smile, placing a soft peck on the tip of your nose. You can still feel his boner resting just below your abdomen and of course the lust has never truly left his eyes.

He really does have beautiful eyes, those eyes that you’ve grown to love, his hazel eyes with little flecks of green as soon as the sun hits them. Something inside you clicked as you stared into them, feeling so safe and secure under his gaze, and the love that was glowing inside them was too clear to even miss. You knew what you wanted, because everything in that exact moment just felt right.

He was about to stand up when you stopped him by cupping his face with both your hands, stroking his cheeks with your thumb. He hummed, leaning onto your soft touch with his eyes fluttering close, feeling so satisfied and content to have you in his life.

“Ethan…” You trailed off, heart racing as the nerves started to kick in. “Hmmm?” He opened his eyes, full attention now on you. “I – I'm…” You don’t know why you feel suddenly nervous and shy, maybe it was the way he looked at you, or maybe because what you’re about to say is going to make a huge difference in your relationship.

“What is it baby?” Ethan questioned slowly, turning his head to place a kiss on you palm, eyes still connected with yours.

“I’m ready.” You exhaled, a smile creeping up your lips as you finally got the word out, and you felt no hesitation at all, you knew that this time, you were completely ready to do it.

Ethan’s eyes widened at your words, completely taken aback by your sudden decision. He sat up, pulling you with him, your hands engulfed in his as he rubbed the back of your hands with his thumb, eyes scanning yours for any doubt, and surprisingly, he found nothing.

“Babe, (Y/N), are you sure? I don’t want you to rush into it. I want you to do it when you’re completely ready, and when you really want to do it, not just because. Plus, I really want to make it extra special for you.” He brought your hands up to his lips, kissing your knuckles in a comforting way. His words made you smile even wider, and you’re a 100% sure that he’s the one, he’s always have been.

“Ethan, I want to do it, I’m ready. There’s no person I’d be so willing to do it with other than you. I love you and I trust you Ethan, I want to lose it to you. And you’re special enough to me.” You gave him a reassuring smile, squeezing his hand in the process, your voice firm and confident, showing him just how much you mean it.

Ethan stared at you for a minute, slowly taking all your words in. You were ready, ready for him to make love you and he was the one you chose, after all these years of waiting, he was the one who gets to do it with you. He feels so happy and honored, so lucky that he gets to be your first. God, he was the first – and dare he say it – the only guy who could ever see your beautiful body fully, completely bare to him, and him only.

He smiled widely, his rows of pearly whites showing as he let out a soft chuckle, hands going to cup your face. You couldn’t help but smile yourself, his happiness radiating off of him and rubbing off on you. Ethan can seem to say anything at all, still a bit overwhelmed by everything, so he just lets his actions speak for themselves as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours.

You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, but he stayed still smiling between the kiss before pulling away. “Give me an hour and a half, and I’ll right back.” Before you could ask him he was already on his feet, disappearing into the hallway. After a few minutes, Ethan emerged back in the living room, pulling his hoodie down with his phone and keys in his hands.

“I’ll be right back baby! And stay there. I love you!” He called out before closing the front door, leaving you there confused. You shrugged it off, deciding to just continue watching the movie. You do trust him after all.

* * *

After an hour and a half later, Ethan quietly sneaked up on you as your back was facing him, yours eyes still glued on the screen, completely unaware of his presence. His hands rested on your shoulders, squeezing it softly, making you jump a little.

“Come on babe.” He whispered against your ear huskily, his voice enough to make your heart rate escalate. You stood up now only noticing that it was already dark out, turning around to see him only wearing his sweatpants that hung dangerously low by his hips, his top half bare, showing off his chiseled chest, down to his abs.

He held out both his hands for you to take, guiding you towards his bedroom with him walking backwards as he faced you, a smug grin plastered on his face. “Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked, cheeks heating up at the way his eyes burned into yours.

“You’re just so beautiful.” Ethan answered nonchalantly, feeling all sorts of emotion from being nervous to excited for what’s about to happen. You rolled your eyes with a scoff, cheeks flushing in the process. “Stop being cheesy Dolan.”

He chuckled, finally stopping as soon as his back hit the door to his room. “Nope, I’m not stopping because you love it.” Before you could even say anything, he opened up the door for you, bowing courteously as he gestured for you to go in first. “After you mi lady.”

You shook your head with a laugh, keeping your eyes on him as you entered his room. That’s when the smell hit you, your favorite scent in the world invading your nostrils, and when you turned around, your eyes widened, a loud gasp escaping your lips.

Rose petals where scattered across the floor, and on his bed that now has white sheets instead of his usual gray ones, making it look more romantic and classy. His bed was now in the middle of the room, his computer setup nowhere to be seen, making the room look more spacious than it usually is. Lit candles ranging from different sizes were placed all around the floor and on his bedside tables, dimly lighting up the whole room.

“Like it?” You turned around to face your boyfriend who was smiling from ear to ear, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, watching you intently and at how your face glowed at his surprise.

“Ethan you didn–”

“Of course I had to, I wanted to.” Ethan cut you off, hands landing on your waist as soon as he reached you, “I love you so much (Y/N). I know how much of a big deal this is to you and I want your first time to be as memorable and as special as I can make it. I want tonight to be the best night of your life, well, maybe second best other than out wedding night. And your my queen, I will always treat you like one whether you like it or not.” He finished off with a huge smile, your eyes tearing up a little at how sweet his being, feeling so lucky to have a man like him in your life.

“God you’re so extra, good thing you didn’t burn yourself with those candles.” You teased, wrapping your arms around his neck, tiptoeing as you gave him a soft peck on the lips. “Well, most of the candles are fake, other than the ones on the bedside table so…” You giggled, of course they were fake.

You ran your hand over his hair, your smiling fading as you looked at him with so much passion, eyes trailing down to his lips then back to his eyes. “I love you.” You whispered, “And I love you.” Ethan sighed, wrapping his arms around you to pull you even closer to him, dipping his head down to capture your lips once again.

The kiss was quick to escalate as Ethan swiped his tongue against your bottom lip, asking for entrance which you granted almost immediately, making him smile. His hands slowly went from the small of your back to the curve of your ass, giving it a good squeeze making you gasp. It then slowly traveled up and under your shirt, his fingers leaving goosebumps as it traced your skin. He stopped as soon as reached the spot just under your boobs, thumb caressing your skin ever so gently, his head spinning just by the thought of you not wearing any bra underneath.

He pulled away, eyes scanning yours, asking for permission. You gave him a nod, giving him the green light to continue. Ethan swallowed the lump in his throat as he bunched your shirt up in his hands, slowly pulling it over your head and throwing it behind him. He then hooked his fingers on the hem of your shorts, the silk material slowly falling down your legs along with your underwear, leaving you all vulnerable in front of him.

Ethan kept eyes still glued to you as his breath started to get heavier, not even daring to look even if you are now completely naked to him and him only.

“Ethan, you can look.” You whispered, and as soon as you said those words, his eyes slowly dropped down, his jaw dropping at how stunning and angelic you looked. “You look breathtaking.” Ethan gawked at you, hands now gently roaming around your body, touching your skin so softly that it almost felt featherlike.

You felt something poke at your inner thigh, looking down to see that it was him, completely restrained by his sweatpants. You started to reach for it but Ethan stopped you, placing your hands gently back to your sides. “No baby, tonight is all about you.” You nodded, heart racing as you let him take all the control.

He kissed you again, only this time, it was more rough and passionate than the last one, his hands back on your waist as he slowly pushed you towards his bed, a whole blissful night awaiting the two of you.

* * *

You stirred in your sleep as the sun that was shining through the window started to become too bright for your liking. You stretched your arms up, feeling a few rose petals tangling up in your hair. You couldn’t wipe the grin off your face as you recalled everything that happened last night.

The sex was amazing, Ethan was amazing. He was gentle and loving, making sure that you were feeling good and okay all throughout. The way he touched you, the way he kissed every part of your body was just something else, like he was cherishing every inch of you, making sure to taste every part of you. He made you feel so happy and content just by the way he was making love with you, and you couldn’t have asked for a better first time.

“Good morning beautiful.” Your thoughts were interrupted by a handsome, butt naked man standing in front of the foot of the bed, his grin matching yours as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Good morning to you too handsome.” You sat up, getting off of bed, letting the sheets fall on the floor, exposing your bare body as you walked over to him, hands instantly wrapping around his neck as you pulled him in for a kiss.

He hummed, chuckling as he wrapped his arms around you. “Come, I want to show you something.” He whispered against your lips before pulling away slightly, eyes twinkling as started to drag you towards his bathroom. You didn’t get the chance to ask him what he’s doing as he turned you around, letting you face the mirror, your back now pressed against his chest.

“Look. You’re glowing.” He mumbled, giving you a hug from behind, lips pressed against your shoulder blade as his eyes met with yours in the mirror. He was right, you really were glowing, your skin looked so fresh and soft, and your face was just blooming, making you look even more beautiful. Your happiness surely did show, just by looking in the mirror, you could see it in your eyes how happy you looked.

“That’s what they call sexual afterglow.” Ethan added, looking at you in the mirror with so much wonder, completely in awe at how beautiful you looked. Your afterglow radiating off of you, making you look so much like an angel in his arms, and to come and think that he did that. He was the reason why you looked so happy right now.

You two looked so in love, and you were, truly, madly and deeply in love with each other.

Ethan let out a sigh as he started to nip at the skin of your neck, gently rubbing himself against your ass as you can feel him starting to grow harder. You being naked will always be a turn on for him, and he knows that he will never get used to it. He will always be captivated by your beauty no matter what.

“So, round two in the shower?” He purred, sending tingles straight down your spine. He can never get enough of you, just like how you can never get enough of him.

Good thing Grayson was in a hotel somewhere as Ethan got rid of him last night, telling him to only go back when Ethan says so, giving you all the space and time that you needed. And now, the two of you have the house all to yourselves.

“I don’t see why not.”

-:-:-:-:-

Like and Reblog if you enjoyed! x

P.S. I do received your request, I’m just really slow at getting it done, I’m so sorry :/

#blurbs #requests #ethan dolan #ethan dolan one shot #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan fanfiction #ethan dolan x reader #ethan dolan blurb #dolan twins blurb #dolan twins #grayson dolan #ethan dolan fluff #ethan dolan series #my writing

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