#i'm sure it'll fade eventually

[official-susie-deltarune]

holy shit y'all i can See (<- just got new glasses)

[dazedantics]

Low, melodious hums echoed through the chamber. Soft shuffling of fabric and clicks of heel on stone followed every sway and every twist, every turn.

Your eyes stayed shut, body moving in sync with your partner behind you, fully entrusting yourself to their lead.

They stood close, a lithe hand on your waist, the other in yours, guiding you along. Long hair draped over your shoulders, nose tucked against your neck, chest beating steadily against your back.

It wasn't hard to forget all that surrounded you with him so close.

You leaned further against him, free hand reaching behind to cup his soft curls, gliding across the former ballroom with ease.

"We should probably put an end to this soon."

Your partner laughed softly, the motion sending a warm blush of air against your skin. "You make it sound so dramatic."

"Well, the sun is sinking. We could pretend one of us is about to turn into a pumpkin."

Another laugh, then you were spun around.

You shifted to rest your hands on his shoulders, thumbs rubbing along the loose, white tunic hanging from his frame.

"That'd be most unfortunate. But I'm sure we can spare a few more moments." He brushed back stray strands of hair, tucking them behind your ear. "You look lovely in this lighting you know. We should come out here more often."

You rolled your eyes playfully. "Alright, what do you want?"

"Nothing, my dear. Why must you always assume I work at an angle?"

A spin followed by a dip, then up again.

"Because after a few sweet words, you usually end up asking permission for something or other. And I happen to have made it my own game to guess what it'll be for next; a journey to the village, a day to peruse the hold, a moment to brood? Quite fun for me, but you do know you don't need to ask for anything? I know you'll return eventually."

He closed his golden eyes, taking one of your hands, raising it up to kiss the dorsal side.

"Yes, I know. But I wouldn't want to leave you to search in a panic. Rather not worry your brow. But there's truly nothing this time, my dear. Simply wish to remind you how gorgeous you are."

You bit back your smile and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Hm, well if you do decide to ask for something, the answer is yes."

Amber irises opened up to smile at you. His hand traveled up to caress your cheek. "Careful. You may come to rue that decision."

Your dance came to slow halt.

"That'll be a first."

A cool breeze flowed through the large windows, ebbing sunlight twinkling against the heavy, patterned glass.

"You have much faith in me."

He leaned in.

"I could ruin your day in seconds."

"Yes," you rubbed the soft pad of your thumb against the fangs peeking behind his lips. "And yet you haven't in all the years I've known you."

A breathless laugh escaped him, now resting his forehead against yours.

"It's hard to play the part of scary vampire when you act as if you've nothing to fear." He lowered your hand. "Though I quite enjoy that about you. Otherwise I'd still be slowly turning into Belmont right now."

You smiled, settling into his hold. "Yes, what a shame that'd be."

Time beat steadily between you, orange light fading to midnight.

"May I kiss you?"

You caught yourself midway through a laugh. "I told you, you don't have to ask for anything."

"Yes. But for this, I quite like to." He burrowed his fingers into your hair. "So, may I?"

Arms easing their way up to hang over his shoulders, you smiled. "You may."

"Lovely," was the last word uttered before you felt the lush kiss of his lips molding against your own

[amysubmits]

Owning Me Is Complicated

Occasionally I come across content that makes it seem like being a Dom is easy.

Order her around, make her do the things you don't want to do, do whatever you want, "win" all the disagreements because you're the dom - or even silence her from disagreeing with you to begin with. Get sex exactly how you want it, exactly when you want it. She's just a living, breathing object that can and will do whatever you want. She has no needs other than to make your life easier. She's your own personal robot, but with a body you want to fuck. Being a dom is like a regular relationship but without the emotional labor. I'm sure there are other gender versions out there too, but I see the M/f version most often. It's so funny to me how absurd that all is compared to real life.

Owning me is complicated. Owning me means doing way more emotional labor than a vanilla relationship would require, not less.

Yes, I do what he says - but he's responsible for making the best decisions he can. He's in charge, so keeping me physically and emotionally safe is his responsibility. It's a huge part of how he earns my submission. It's no small thing to make decisions when making them well is part of how he keeps me safe and keeps me open and trusting towards him. Yes, I'll try to push my sexual limits for him - but I have complex emotional needs that accompany physical intimacy. Use my body without having respect for my physical and mental health and it'll fall apart real quick. And once again, making a reckless decision here that would leave me damaged and could forever damage our dynamic. Sure, he can take his cock out anytime and instruct me to suck and I will, but that doesn't mean it's all fun and games. He has the burden of double and triple checking that he isn't pushing me too far, or taking too much as to leave me empty. Yes, he gets the final say in disagreements, but he earns that by hearing me out. He couldn't keep me submissive if he didn't respect my feelings. I can't feel respected if I'm not heard. So he has to hear me out and really listen. And then his job is to attempt to get the best outcome for both of us. He has to try to balance our needs, because if either of us gets neglected, we individually suffer and then the relationship suffers. So he sometimes deals with the weight of threading the needle between his needs and mine, his wants and mine. His shoulders carry the weight of those choices. Yes, he can deny my wishes - and even my needs for a time, if he chose. But I am human. How long can he deny me things that bring me pleasure before I start to feel unwanted, unloved, disrespected, thrown out? Resentment would set in eventually. Self-protection would kick in eventually...and it might be too late by then, the damage may be done by the time I would wake up to look around and decide I didn't want to live like this anymore. Why would he want to even find out, given that he loves me? He wouldn't. He has a sadistic streak, so he likes to deny me things I like so that I long for them even more for a while. He likes to see me eager, desperate to get it when he decides to give it. He likes to watch me tolerate discomfort for him. Playing with these ideas require a deep understanding of my needs and limits. He has to know where "desperate for you 🥺 " starts to fade and "That goblin in the back of my head is starting to worry I'm not valued" starts to enter my thoughts. Yes, I look to him to guide and lead, and he has a lot of power and control - but that comes with the ability to destroy and damage. There's nothing easy about ownership if you feel the weight of the responsibility you're carrying.

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | twelve.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 4.8k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, lotsa talk goin around, mostly focused on namjoon lol, i'ma tell yall rn - cant trust nobody!!, everyone is just onto san x oc but for the wrong asssss reasons, joon loves his 'yes or no' questions lmao, again - i promise you there is no ill intentions behind namjoon's actions - he is trying to see both sides but he has to do what he needs to do as a department chair first & foremost!! pls understand my guy.. he had to think quick!

Today, it feels like everyone is staring at you.

Today, it feels like everyone knows, and everyone is projecting their assumptions about you and San out into the world.

"You okay?" Eunchae looks down at you as you walk and avoid contact, keeping your eyes down on your feet below or your phone. "You're awfully quiet today." Maybe word hasn't gotten to Eunchae, Jurin or Felix yet, but you know it'll eventually make its way over.

Or, maybe they have heard and they're just waiting for you.

All you know is that you wanna hide under your blankets to prevent all this overthinking, this anxiety from feeling like everyone is watching you.

"Yeah. Just tired."

"You sure? I'm all ears, you know."

"Mhm." You give her a small reassuring smile as you tug on your bag. "Thank you."

"Course."

"Have you heard from Jiung today?" You ask. You haven't really talked to Jiung since your fight at the happy hour event, and he hasn't done much to talk to you either. It's a bit awkward, but whenever you and your friends are all together, you try to keep the peace and act like nothing is wrong. You do hope he's okay, and you do hope to have your bestfriend back— but you're still upset at the fact that he jumped to conclusions about San and accused him of forcing you into this.

"No. But, he did say he probably wasn't gonna grab lunch cause he needs to take care of some things."

"I see."

"I'll see you for lunch though, right?" You nod, just as the Biology building comes into view. "Goodluck with class today." 

"Thanks." You squeeze her hand before heading inside for class. Luckily, Yunho said he wouldn't be able to join class today. You weren't really in the mood to deal with him, and you're more so worried about getting through class in one piece before your mind tears you apart with all this overthinking. 

"Morning Y/N!" A student already sitting in the classroom says. You're instantly comforted as you greet them back and start getting set up at the front of the classroom. But, that instantly goes down the drain when two more students walk in together— eyeing you as they pass the front table before talking amongst each other.

Fuck.

You haven't heard from San either.

The world truly felt like it was swallowing you whole.

—FLASHBACK

"Hey! I'm back." You smile at Sunwoo as you place your things down at your desk. It instantly fades when you get a chance to look around the basement office, a few of your lab members talking amongst themselves while looking in your direction. You slightly furrow your brows, wondering what exactly they were talking about or why they felt the need to be doing all of that in your face.

Was everyone in on you and San?

Is this what everything has come to?

"Hey you!" Sunwoo looks up, noticing the shift in your mood. He turns to look at everyone, shaking his head before returning his attention towards you. At this point, everyone has returned to their desks or left the room to head into the behavior or wet lab rooms. "You good?"

"Hm." You hum. "I guess."

"You guess? How was the conference?"

"Good! It was chill. Jotted down a few presentations I wanted to share with you and Belle. Is she around?" He shakes his head.

"Haven't seen her."

"Hm, okay."

"You can tell me, I'm all ears." You look at your watch.

"I gotta run behavior soon."

"So, let's grab something quick to eat before you run behavior?"

"I'm down. Kinda starving anyway."

"Yeah, let's get something in you. You won't be able to focus otherwise." He stands and stretches before nodding towards the door. "So, what was the most interesting?" You follow behind him with your wallet clutched in hand, lingering eyes watching as you leave with Sunwoo.

"Maybe she's trying to get around the lab?" You overhear one of the guys say just as you walk out of the room with Sunwoo, pausing in your steps.

"Sunwoo."

"Huh?"

"Actually, you know what. I think I can hang on until dinner. I should get started on behavior. We can talk about this another time."

"Huh? No, let's get something really quick."

"You can go ahead without me. Sorry. I just realized I'm more strapped on time than I thought I was."

"Okay? But, I'm grabbing you a snack and you better eat it." He slowly starts walking backwards down the basement hallway, glaring at you.

"Thank you." Sunwoo watches as your head falls when you walk back into the basement office. Truth be told, he's been hearing the talk go around, but he's not one to meddle— especially if it has something to do with his good friends. He'll always be on your side, regardless of what people say or think.

And he feels awful it's starting to be more obvious around you. The talk. The looks.

He wishes he could do more as your friend to help keep it away from you.

—END

Namjoon is already having a rough start to his day despite it being one of the lighter days meeting-wise. He was woken up to an urgent, sensitive email from the dean about an anonymous tip that came in overnight about San:

Namjoon— Please get to the bottom of this; we received this tip last night about San and his student.  'Hi. I'm not sure who to direct this concern to anonymously, but I believe Y/N Y/L/N and Professor Choi (San) are in an inappropriate relationship. I think she might be using it to her advantage to move forward in the program and secure her spot in his lab.' I'd like to resolve this before the end of the week. This should not be taken lightly if this is true...

And the thing is— he's just frustrated that this has been taking up this time lately. He hasn't even gotten his own time to think properly. He could only sigh in disappointment as he got ready for his day, unsure of what else it could bring him. 

He should've known the storm was coming.

Iseul tugs on her jacket as she heads over to the Panama Building, the wind cooling her cheeks as she made sure to clear her hour for this particular meeting. Most students are in class right now, so the halls are quiet, still. Iseul takes the elevator up to the second floor and steps out, rushing down towards the left end of the hall.

"Namjoon." Namjoon turns over his shoulder to see Iseul. His door is wide open since he doesn't have any important meetings for awhile, and he always tries to foster a welcoming environment by letting students [and faculty] know they're always welcome to pop in if they need him.

He did not mean her though, especially today.

"Iseul."

"Can we talk?" Namjoon quickly sizes her, realizing she's already inside his office. He doesn't necessarily have a choice, but he knows this talk was gonna happen sooner or later.

He knows Iseul always has something to say.

"You're already in my office so I don't think there's necessarily a choice." He says it in a slightly playful manner just so he doesn't come off entirely rude. "What's on your mind?" Iseul shuts the door and crosses her arms before looking at him. Namjoon sits on the edge of his desk, hands loosely clasped together.

"I think you might already know." He shrugs.

"Enlighten me."

"San."

"What about him?"

"Can you let him know how dangerous it is to be dating his rotation student? He's being stupid."

"He's a grown man."

"And you're the chair."

"Thanks for the reminder." He furrows his brows. "Respectfully Iseul, this is not a discussion for you, that's why I'm not trying to indulge."

"How is this not? He's putting his reputation on the line, along with the school's. Including yours—"

"I don't see where you're involved. You don't have anything to do with him directly or the bioengineering department." He crosses his arms and stands. "I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, but this wasn't your place to do so. I'll handle it and I'll take care of it, so you don't need to worry." Namjoon glares at her a bit. 

"You're being so casual about something pretty severe." Namjoon pauses as he maintains his eye contact with her. She wants him to shrink and fold, but he won't.

"I think we both know that's not the reason why you're bringing this up." Her brows are knit tightly as they sit in an awkward, tense pause. "Aren't you tired of treating San this way? Why exactly do you feel so strongly about calling him out?"

"I'm not even doing anything to him—"

"You're right, you're not. You don't respect him, you don't acknowledge him, you don't know how to be civil with him. Yet, you don't see me calling you out on your behavior towards your ex-husband who has done nothing but try and keep the peace. I only ever hear San's name come out of your mouth when you've got something bad to say about him." She glares at him. As much as Namjoon equally tries to be there for all of the faculty and to not choose sides, one thing that can surely piss him off is when people act this way unwarranted.

So no, he won't sit back if he feels the hostility. He understands the severity of the situation and he has yet to gather his thoughts and his information, but he won't take this.

"So, you're gonna let this go? Do you even actually understand the situation, Namjoon? If you won't take care of it, I'll have no choice but to escalate this to the dean."

"I do, plenty. You don't have to tell me twice or how to do my job, Iseul." He walks over to the door. "I already said I'll take care of it. On my own terms and in my own way. Not the way you want me to." He places a hand on his hip. "And what makes you think we haven't already discussed this?"

"Fine. If that girl ruins everything for the school—"

"She won't." Namjoon cuts her off just as he swings the door open. "This will be taken care of, end of story. Is there anything else I can help you with that doesn't involve San and his personal matters?"

"No." She huffs a bit before walking out of the room. At this point, Jiung is cutting the corner and almost running into Iseul as he makes his way to Namjoon's office. Jiung does a curt bow to Iseul as she storms by, heels clicking away on the linoleum floor. Her feet are heavy, Jiung feels every step even as she gets further and further away.

"Oh, Jiung. Nice to see a friendly face." Namjoon lets out a breath and gives him a toothless smile. 

"Professor Kim." Jiung gives him a bow. "Are you free right now?"

"Mhm." He steps aside. "Just finished with Professor Lee. Come on in." He welcomes him inside, a bit relieved to see his face and to be welcomed by his gentle aura. It's nothing like Iseul and he's grateful; although, it does make him a little nervous to see Jiung in his office when he doesn't necessarily belong to the department. 

And just like Iseul, the buzz around campus, everything that's been going down— Namjoon already feels like he knows what this is about.

The only thing he can do is confront it and take care of it just like he told Iseul he'd do. But, how? He's not sure. He's gonna have to take the time today to sit San down and poke at his brain because he's just not understanding how all of this went down and why his name and your name are being tossed around together.

Maybe he just didn't wanna believe it was true; not with San, no. He couldn't. Both as his friend and colleague.

"What can I help with? I'm a little surprised you're popping into my office since you're in the electrical engineering department."

"Ah, cause.." Jiung slowly sits in the chair and sets his bag down. "It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me." Namjoon cocks his head to the side.

"Okay, no worries. I'm all ears."

"I-I don't really know how to say this, but I'm mainly concerned about a friend. She's in the bioengineering department."

"I think I might know what you're talking about." Namjoon says, giving Jiung a nod to proceed with his explanation.

"Yeah, it's that. I feel like Professor Choi might have forced her into it, though. It just seems really out of character for Y/N, and I don't know. I guess it just feels like he might have said something or tried to take advantage of her."

"I understand your concern for your friend, but can you let me know why you think Professor Choi is taking advantage of her or forcing her into this?"

"I just.. it just seems off, is all."

"But, what if this is also Y/N's choice?"

"It's not like her."

"I'm not saying you don't know your friend, Jiung. But, there are things people are fully capable of doing that can come off as unexpected from your point of view."

"I talked to her after the whole happy hour thing went down and I found Professor Choi kinda cornering her against the wall. She didn't look scared or anything, but she did get defensive while I was talking to her and asking her about it."

"I see." Is all Namjoon says because one, he just doesn't know. Just like he told Jiung, there are probably things he doesn't know San is capable of doing. He needs to talk to him and that's the only way he'll get the proper story. The only way to get to the bottom of it is finally confronting San about the issue at hand. 

Face to face.

To be honest, he's been putting off the conversation because it's not a conversation he wants to have. It's not easy, nor will the decision at the end be something he wants to do— but he has to.

"I'm sorry, Professor Kim. I don't mean to add to your plate, but I got worried."

"Is Y/N doing okay otherwise?" He nods.

"Think so. She hasn't been saying much. We got into a fight after I confronted her so we haven't been talking."

"Sorry to hear that. I'm sure things will smooth over sooner or later." Namjoon says. "Is there anything else you'd like to let me know?"

"No, that's all. I'm sorry I don't have much details, I'm just worried about her."

"All good, I understand. I'm sure she appreciates it, too. She's lucky to have a friend like you by her side."

"Thanks, Professor Kim. For hearing me out."

"Sure. I'll take care of it and see what I can do, okay?" Jiung nods and stands, slipping his bag strap over his shoulder.

"Can we keep this between us? Please don't mention that I stopped by."

"Of course." Namjoon says softly as he stands to walk him to the dior. "Of course." He repeats.

"Thanks."

"I just can't promise you I'll have any updates cause it'll be pretty confidential moving forward."

"It's fine. I get it." Jiung stops right before he steps out the door. "Thank you again."

"No problem. You know how to reach me if you have any other concerns." Jiung nods before slipping through the door and taking his exit. Namjoon exhales heavily before pulling out his phone to text the person he needs—

namjoon: can we talk in my office? i'd rather much do this today, not later. 

namjoon: i'm free for the next hour and half.

san: yeah. i'll be there in 15 minutes.

namjoon: thanks.

He sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tries to gather his thoughts. It's the hardest thing to approach this as a colleague rather than a friend because as a friend, Namjoon would let this go. He knows San deserves to be happy, and it sounds like he is. That's all he's ever wanted for him especially after all the hurt and pain he had gone through with Iseul and Yunho. But as a colleague, his 'higher-up' even, it's wrong. San's happiness is wrong because it's with his student. A student who is a grown adult who can make decisions for themselves. It's wrong.

So, what does he do?

He feels a migraine coming on, so he tries to busy himself with some emails, making sure deadlines and reports have been submitted. Luckily, the dean is giving him some time and isn't pressing him for answers right this second even though he knows it's on his mind. If he was, Namjoon wasn't sure what he'd say.

He's not sure how he'll get San out of this.

"Yo." San appears in his office, softly shutting the door behind him. 

"Take a seat." San immediately picks up on the vibe in the room and how stressed Namjoon looks. He knows they still need to talk about things, but something tells San it's become much deeper than that and he's not prepared for it whatsoever. No matter how hard he tried to prepare, there's no proper way to be fully prepared.

"You okay?"

"Honestly, I don't know." He sits back a bit, hands clasped on the surface of the table. "But, I'm just gonna get right to it because I think this is way overdue."

"Okay." San manages to respond softly.

"We need to talk about what happened at the happy hour event the other day, plus that whole thing with Iseul and Yunho." Namjoon pauses before he cuts to the chase. "San, why do I keep getting wind of you being in a relationship with your rotation student?" Silence. "Y/N, to be exact." He looks at him. "Is that what the whole happy hour thing was about? Is that what you three were discussing in the conference room yesterday?" He sighs. "I was try to push this off a little longer until I could figure out how to get you out of this, but word keeps going around and it definitely didn't help that you three had a screaming match about it." San sighs heavily as he sinks into the chair.

"Well, as far as I know, I wasn't planning on discussing my personal matters with Yunho and Iseul. They trapped me into the fucking—"

"San." Namjoon stops him. "Is it a yes or no?" Pause. San just looks at Namjoon and it's enough for him to put the final piece together. Everything had been about you from the get-go, but San still won't say it. He's doing everything to protect you, but this might be it; there's no way he can lie to Namjoon about this, or hide this from him any longer.

It's far too late for that.

"San." He repeats. "This is not the time to try and lie to me. I had two people talk to me about it and an anonymous tip came in that was sent my way."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter." Namjoon furrows his brows and lets out a heavy exhale. "I need the truth from you. Now." The exasperated sigh that leaves San's lips is full of emotions; fear, anxiety, protectiveness, even.

"I'm sorry." Is all San can respond with. It comes out low, barely above a whisper.

"Why?" Namjoon cocks his head to the side, hands on his hips. "Why? I just wanna know why!" His voice is harsh, but he keeps his tone low. "A student, your student? It's damn near everywhere, you know that, right? I don't know how I'm gonna fix this for you, but you know they'll take action against her and probably you—"

"Namjoon, please." San pleads. "Please don't do this to her. Don't take her out of the program. Do whatever you need to me, but don't take it out on her."

"San." Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose before letting out an exasperated sigh. "You should've known better." He looks at him, but San can't even respond. All he can do is shrug and shake his head because he did know better, he just didn't wanna do better and chose to be selfish. "I need to figure this out before end of the day and report back to the dean. I can't force you to act a certain way or do things you don't wanna do. But, for this reason in particular, I'm gonna need you two to stop. You're not interacting with her on campus, you're not going to be involved in anything having to do with her moving forward." Namjoon shakes his head. "You both couldn't wait until graduation or something? I know it's years ahead but you know how this looks—"

"I— no. Things just happened. That's really the only way I can explain it. I'm sorry. The hell am I supposed to do? I can't help but feel how I feel for her." Namjoon sighs heavily, feeling torn between wanting his friend to be happy, but concerned and disappointed for his colleague.

"That isn't gonna fly. You knew better than to get involved with a student in your lab. You can't just risk everything you've built for yourself, San. You have no idea how much trouble you could get into if the school finds out just exactly how deep your relationship has gotten with her— let alone, your own rotation student!" His tone slight rises, but it falls when he sees San visibly shrink and lose eye contact with him. He paces around for a bit, hands still on his hips as he tries to figure out a way to brush this over before it gets way too messy and complicated. "I get you. I do. You deserve to be happy, and who the hell am I to police your actions? But, I can't have you do this to yourself or her. The both of you are grown so I expected you to do better."

"So, what's gonna happen?"

"Well, I'll need to let them know this isn't true and that you two aren't in a relationship. I'll have to remove her from your lab and I'll need to figure out where I can place her or what I can do for her." 

"They won't kick her out, right?"

"Honestly, I can't even be sure. I don't think so, but you two will definitely not be allowed to be near or around each other." Namjoon looks at him. "Are you not even worried about yourself?"

"No, I'm not."

"She's worth it to you?"

"More than anything." San says softly. "Look, it's cliché but you really don't understand." Namjoon shrugs.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I don't wanna take your happiness away, San. Believe me. That's the last thing I wanna do and this is already difficult as is. But, it just had to be her?"

"It did, yeah. And there's nothing I regret about it." Another small silence falls between them before Joon speaks up again.

"Do you get where people are taking this?"

"No, quite frankly, I don't."

"Favoritism, like you two are taking advantage of each other for benefits. It's becoming so noticeable that people are talking."

"You and I both know how great of a student she is. If she's received opportunities, it's because she earned them herself, not because of me."

"That's not how it looks. And perception matters. You know this. Relationships like this are literally a ticking time bomb for your career, the bioengineering department." He's gonna use the excuse that Iseul pulled because for him, as department chair, as someone who needs to keep the glue together for this department, it's true. 

"I don't even see how we're doing anything wrong when we're both adults. She and I both know what this is—"

"That doesn't matter in this situation. There's a power dynamic here you can't ignore. Even if this is real, you hold her future in your hands. Do you understand?" Joon exhales, brows tightly knit together. "What about her fate in this whole situation? Do you care about that?"

"Of course I do. I care about her more than anything." San responds almost exasperatedly.

"Do you love her?"

"If I say yes?"

"Then, tell me. If you had to choose between your relationship or keeping her here, then what?" San sighs and runs his hand down his face. "Think about it. You deserve to be happy, but that girl also deserves a chance to keep going."

"Why can't we just keep it on the low, why do I have to choose? W-we can be more careful—"

"San, don't be stupid. I'm sure 'being careful' is how this all started, right?" Silence. "You know people are going to find out one way or another. It won't matter how real this is to you, to the both of you. She'll be branded as the professor's pet. Is that what you want for her? And you'll lose everything—your job, your reputation, ability to work at other institutions. Plus, the dean is still thinking about your program with Jongho and the real estate. This is going to trickle onto Jongho, too."

"No, of course not. And I don't want Jongho to take a fall because of me. But.." San sighs, his heart breaking the more this conversation goes on. He wasn't prepared to be here today, no. And he wasn't prepared for his mind to start thinking otherwise about your relationship, you. He was always sure of you, but now he's starting to feel like he's been too selfish;

Neglected you and your future plans. Your dreams, your goals.

"You're asking me to break this off. To break off my relationship with someone I truly care about and someone that genuinely makes me happy. Something I haven't felt in a long time."

"I'm sorry, San. I already told you how difficult this is, and it's not my intention to take your happiness away. I just need to protect you two from everyone, especially the dean. Please understand me and hear me. I'm asking you to protect her this way. If anything happens, it'll be the both of you going down and you know she doesn't deserve that either. "

"And If I don't do this?" San asks just to put the question out there.

"Then, can you call it love? Or is it just you being selfish?" San leans onto his knees, head falling into his hands. "I'm trying to come from a good place. Help me help you." He feels a headache coming on, thoughts running at a thousand miles per hour. He hates the thought of losing you; it makes him sick to his stomach. But, he can't even lie and say there isn't a piece of truth behind Namjoon's words. 

Can San really say he loves you if he isn't doing the right thing for you? Is he being too selfish, assuming he could keep this on the low? Assuming he could be 'more' careful with you?

Is he selfish for wanting you by his side no matter what? Is he selfish for saying fuck it?

Is he selfish?

The last thing he wants to do is ruin your career, ruin you. Even if this will hurt like hell, he understands where Namjoon is coming from and knows he needs to put you first.

He's so conflicted. He has no idea what to do or how to move forward. Because as much as he knows he needs to do this for you and the sake of Namjoon, he doesn't want to.

He is scared.

"I need to head back to my office." San sighs and stands, but Namjoon follows closely.

"I don't have much time. I need to let them know that something is gonna be done and I need to prove it to them. You do hear me, right?"

"I do. I just.. give me a little bit of time to think, Joon. Please." Namjoon just nods, meeting San's expression. He feels bad, he really does. And as his friend, this isn't something he wants to do— but he has to. He could easily tell San to keep this on the low, to keep this a secret until things blow over but at some point, he doesn't trust himself to continue along with the story had anyone asked about it out of the blue.

Namjoon watches as San sadly walks off back to his office, eyes trained on the phone in his hand. San sees your texts, and usually, that'll be enough to put a smile on his face. He'll text back right away so you know he's been thinking about you; but today, he's thinking about you in a different light and he's not sure how to stomach it.

When he gets back to his office, he sees a few people from the lab lingering around— even you. You meet his eyes and his eyes meet yours, but he doesn't give you a smile.

His eyes don't glow like they used to.

His cheeks aren't threatening to glow that cute, rosy tint they do when you're around.

He just steps in without doing anything to acknowledge your presence and that already feels way off.

you: 😞 you didn't even look my way when you walked back into the office and i haven't heard from you all day.

you: i hate how all my papers and presentations are due this week. plus ppl have been weird, idk. i just wanna cuddle 😭

san: i'm sorry. it's just been a day.

you: that's never stopped you before... ☹️ what's wrong, san?

san: we should talk, baby.

—read 12.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme @wyrated

[glitteringdust]

falling asleep on the other’s shoulder?

It was a known fact by everyone who knew him that Rook was never one to sit still. He'd practice his spells when he should be sleeping, then spar after he woke. He'd pace around any room he was in while lost in thought, no matter how long a day it had been. The fellow Grey Warden simply didn't relax, it seemed to Davrin, especially when he should.

After Weisshaupt was no exception.

Despite the broken ribs and concussion from being slammed into a wall by an ogre, Rook was once again not resting and instead pacing around the main hall of the Lighthouse. From a distance, he appeared unharmed and moving in his usual stride, but as Davrin climbed the stairs he could see the injuries starting to make themselves known— a hint of a limp on his right side, jaw clenching when he took too deep a breath. Bruises were beginning to bloom along his exposed collarbones and down his chest, Davrin could only imagine what the rest of him looked like.

“I know, I know. I should be resting,” Rook breaks the silence, having finally noticed him while he'd been too busy thinking of bruises.

“You're right, you should be. I watched you get thrown like a ragdoll today. I'm surprised you're still standing.”

“I will admit, I am too.” He chuckles for a moment, before his hand flies to his injured side.

“Then why are you?”

Rook is quiet for a moment, unusual for him. “Trying to sleep in an illuminated fish bowl doesn't really help headaches,” pale eyes flick downwards, something left unsaid before continuing, “Can't sleep either?”

How could he? Weisshaupt was gone, a pillar of Grey Warden history destroyed by a god in one night. Losses in the hundreds, a gaping wound worse than even the Hero of Ferelden had to witness. Not to mention the heroic death from killing an Archdemon had been nothing, an unreachable final act.

“Not really, no.”

They stand under the blue glow of the main hall in a shared loss. He knows Rook had to make difficult choices, stand against impossible odds. He navigated danger like it was second nature, never backing down from what he believed in. Always going forward, a fierce flame of hope.

One that was dangerously close to flickering out from exhaustion any moment. The adrenaline must finally be fading, the full weight of the day catching up as Rook sways a bit on his feet.

“Rook, you're going to rest even if I have to carry your sorry butt there.” He rests his hand gently on Rook's shoulder, “So let's make this easy.”

Rook all but leans his entire weight against him as they descend the stairs and head towards his quarters. Going up proves to be much more difficult, but they eventually make their way inside.

Davrin leads him towards the bed, the furthest thing from the Fade light and guaranteed to be dark, “You can take the bed, Rook. Should help with that headache.”

Rook pulls away, eyebrows raised in mild shock, “What? Davrin, you don't have to do this. I'll fit in the chair just fine.”

He shakes his head, “Assan doesn't share that spot with just anyone.” Rook is about to object again but he cuts him off, “If I can do one good thing today, let it be this.”

It quiets Rook's protests, “Fine, but can I ask a favor first?”

“Sure, you name it.”

“Would you… brush my hair? Lifting my arms is hell with these broken ribs.”

It's not a request Davrin expected. Rook was protective of his hair, didn’t let anyone touch it, “Uh, are you sure?”

“If you don't, it'll be even worse tomorrow.” Rook says, a sly smile forming, “Don't worry if it hurts, though, I can handle it rough.”

Davrin chooses his next words carefully, “Oh, I don't know. Why don't we do gentle, see if you're not begging me to keep going.”

Rook blushes, the tips of his ears matching his cheeks. He follows Davrin to the arm chair, sitting gingerly on the floor between the other's legs, using the seat of the chair to rest his back on.

Davrin never understood why Rook had kept his hair so long all these years. It had to be hot in the summers, always in the way at the worst of times, and a hassle to care for…and yet, it was nothing if not beautiful to look at. A silvery blonde, surprisingly soft.

Davrin works his way through the first of the tangles, careful not to pull too hard as he frees the strands. It becomes a rhythm, and Rook melts into it. He gives off a slight hum with every sweeping motion, softening inch by inch.

“For what it's worth Davrin, I'm really glad you're alive.” Rook's voice was murmur, wavering ever so slightly but he says nothing more. Instead, he leans his head against Davrin's thigh.

The motion was so simple, yet Davrin felt a flutter in his stomach. He's only felt that flutter when he's caught Rook staring on more than one occasion, but then again he's done the same to Rook just as many times. He couldn't remember the last time he had someone who understood him. Someone who knew what it was like to leave what you knew behind, how to fight for those who need it most. To be a light through all the darkness.

Rook's hair was more than smooth, now. Davrin sets the brush down when he hears it. Soft snoring.

Did Rook… fall asleep sitting like this? He watches the rise and fall of his shoulders, slow and even. Sure enough, he had.

Well, better to let him sleep for a bit. He sits back, staring at the fire until his own eyelids begin to droop. The weight of the day was still there, yet Rook's weight against him lessened the load.

It's hours before either of them wake.

[vmlnrzmp4]

michael kaiser x reader (series)

canonverse, angst(happy ending), slow burn, eventual smut.

cw: toxic home environment(parental conflicts), mild fear & trauma.

proof-read by: @anuverse

read the prologue before proceeding.

chapter: one.

the house you return to was far from home. home: not a place but a feeling of safety and security. it was never that. the four walls would echo screaming and yelling while you would be curled up in your bed, the palm of your hands pressed tightly against your ears—in hope that the voices would fade away.

the next morning would happen and you'd be greeted by your mother, a smile playing on her lips.

"this is normal. your papa and i love each other very much. now smile, dear."

and when you got old enough, you'd mindlessly scroll through the phone—plugs in your ear as so the music would help you escape reality.

at the ripe age of 13, you were finally given the freedom to walk out of the house, told to be back before dark.

it was a chilly day in berlin when you stepped out of the four walls. the hoodie didn't help, as you hugged yourself tighter while walking down the street. one of the earphones dangling while the other one providing a sense of ease through tunes.

but that feeling of ease disappeared as you halted.

it was a street dog, tho skinny, it looked dangerous—especially with the loud bark of his.

you took a step back, ready to rush when a voice behind you made you pause.

"don't run."

your eyes widen as you looked over your shoulder.

it was a boy. around your age definitely. but he looked far from a life what you lived. he wore a hoodie like you but messy. blonde hair, face fucked up and you were sure his life revolved around abuse.

"if you run, it'll chase you," he says, stepping closer. he spared you a glance before making his way, placing himself between you and the street dog.

the doggy stopped barking as he leaned in closer to it, crouching to pay it on his head. "it's afraid and is barking to hide it's fear," the doggy relaxed under his touch.

the boy looked back at you, his features softening as he sees you relax, a smile playing on your lips. you'd smile—you'd always smile like you were taught. even if it didn't reach your eyes, it'd etch your features, making you look prettier.

"thank you,"

the boy nodded at your grateful words, "you shouldn't walk alone."

"hm?"

he repeated, "it's dangerous for a girl to walk alone. it's almost dark."

"i don't have a choice." you reply softly and truthfully.

"next time," he stands straight, facing you, "bring food. dogs like food," he says, he turned his back to you, taking steps away.

"i'm y/n," you say, making him halt midway, "my name. it's y/n."

"kaiser."

"is that your first name? what's your first name?" you persisted. and oh how can he not answer to a pretty face with an even prettier smile? so he paused. and he looked over his shoulder.

"michael," he declared simply before walking away. and even tho a low melody played in your ear, the silence that seemed to fall was comforting.

[saddleseatollie]

I'm ~15 hours into KCD2 and I have So Many Thoughts (no spoilers):

Look when I first heard about this game, it was via Youtube ad. I'd never heard of the first game and I literally thought it one of those shitty mobile games where it's advertised as "you can be king and fuck serving girls because we know you're a lonely incel"

But then the game was released and suddenly I was seeing stuff about it everywhere. Half my Tik Tok FYP became KCD2, and it wasn't long before it took over my dash on Tumblr as well. The more I saw/heard about this game, the more I realized just how wrong I was in my first assessment.

The clincher? The Hans romance.

Look, I'm a simple man. I see an enemies to friends to lovers trope and I fall in love with it. I am also a very gay man, so yeah I wanna kiss the bratty twink. Easy.

I still wasn't going to buy the game, though. I am, after all, but a humble college student who just wants to afford groceries. If I'm going to drop $70 on a game, I have to be damn sure it'll be worth every last penny.

But eventually, after watching countless videos wherein I saw just how fun this game looked (I will never be a person who buys and plays an entire game because of a single romance choice), I decided I would give it a try.

Loading up the game I felt incredibly optimistic about it. It looked so fun and interesting in all the videos, and I couldn't wait. But as soon as I finished the prologue, my optimism began to fade.

Everything seemed so difficult, so far out of reach. I had no groschen, no easy way to make any, and it felt like everything I wanted to do was a crime. The combat was so hard I avoided it at all costs, and even after I managed to make some groschen I had no idea where to go or what to do. The world was so big, so full of options that it quickly became overwhelming. It took me 10 hours of gameplay just to complete my first full questline simply because it was just that difficult.

The worst of it came during one of the last objectives for said questline. I had to defeat a camp of bandits in order to progress, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to do the combat. I had nothing but some shitty armor and a low quality hunting sword I'd made at the smithy.

I'm not exaggerating when I say it took me 6 hours of real-life time to complete that objective. I was so angry and frustrated I regretted ever downloading the game. But eventually I did it, and the feeling was amazing.

That was the turning point.

I completed the questline, sold some stolen horses so I could stop worrying about money, and started competing in archery contests to improve my strength and agility.

It was when I was an hour deep into those contests that I understood what the game was doing. With every round, I was doing better. I was improving. Not "I" as in "Henry" but "I" as in "me, the player".

This game takes actual effort to play. Fighting, archery, even the blacksmithing minigame requires effort from the player. It's not just "click a few buttons in the right order". You have to watch, pay attention, do things at the right time in the right order and with the right force.

So yeah the early game is so fucking difficult because you as the player are probably new to these skills. I was, anyway. I'd never played a game before where hitting a combo required anything more than pressing two buttons at the same time.

But the more I played, the more I started to get the hang of things. I started to figure out when to block and when to strike, how to aim my bow and fire at just the right time to maintain both accuracy and stamina, how to set the proper rhythm when forging weapons.

And guess what? The game rewarded me for it. As Henry's skills leveled up and I started unlocking new perks and buffs, it felt like I, as the player, was improving. As someone who tends to get frustrated when learning new skills because I feel like I'm not improving at all, it was huge for me.

This game requires no small amount of genuine effort for new players, but it makes you feel so, so amazing when you start getting better. I've never played anything like it.

Maybe none of this is particularly revolutionary for experienced gamers. Maybe a lot of games are like this, I honestly don't know. I haven't played very many video games. It was only when I bought my first PlayStation about a year ago that I got into video games. Either way, I don't think it matters.

This game is incredible, and I absolutely cannot wait to keep playing. If I didn't need to go to class I would do nothing but play this game all day.

Audentes Fortuna Iuvat, or whatever.

[baby-yongbok]

Okay so here’s my request: a Hyunjin fic Where Hyunjin needs to pee and y/n keeps teasing him and won’t let him go so she straddles his lap and starts making out with him, he keeps warning her that he needs to go but she doesn’t care. Then she asks him to just…let go as she grinds down on him, and he’s really nervous at first but gives in eventually soaking them both. Bonus points is she jerks him off and makes him cum after, gold stars if he pees more in her hand as he orgasms too.

There, good luck w the challenge soldier, I kept this one tame for beginners 🤭

It took me a while, life has been lifeing but I'm here and I DID IT. Once I got into the flow of writing this is came quite easily and was fun to create 😊 Thank you the challenge! Let me know how I did 😅❣️

New Kink

Boyfriend!Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 1,527

Warnings: Cursing, Cum tasting (That should be it, so sorry if I missed anything)

✨Masterlist✨

"Come on, you just got here and you want to leave me already?" You pull at your boyfriend's arm, trying to force him onto the couch. He only resists a little bit because he wants to give in to you. You and Hyunjin haven't seen each other for a week since your schedules didn't line up and you want to spend every second you can wrapped in his arms. 

"Angel, it's just for a second. I just have to use the bathroom." Hyunjin pleads with you softly. 

"Is the bathroom more important than me?" You tease once you finally get him to sit on the couch. You quickly get on top of him to keep him from leaving you. "I thought you missed me."

You fake a pout and Hyunjin sighs softly.

"I did miss you, my love. I just need to pee and then I'll be right back." He attempts to push you off of him but you anchor yourself, pressing your crotch against his pelvis. A small grunt erupts from Hyunjin’s throat as he struggles to hold his bladder. 

"You'll be fine, just stay with me." You leave a small kiss on his lips. "I missed you, baby."

You kiss Hyunjin again this time deeper, more passionate than before. He hesitates for a second but kisses you back, matching your passion. One of your hands trail down his chest and the other tangles into his hair. You swivel your hips, grinding into him and he breaks the kiss, groaning deeply. 

"Baby, I'm serious, I really really need to pee. I've been holding it the whole way over here. It'll just take a second."

"How about…" You kiss his neck softly, trailing soft pecks up to his ear. "You just go right here."

You can hear Hyunjin's breath hitch in his throat as you kiss over his adam's apple. 

“I don't think.. that's a good idea." Hyunjin's voice is nearly a whisper. You grin slightly, is he turned on by the thought of that?

"Why not?" You grind against him, pressing your hips hard against his. "You have to go, right?"

A groan that fades into a deep moan passes his lips as he squeezes his eyes shut, his head falling back against the couch. You continue to kiss the soft skin of his neck. Biting softly and sucking a bit. Hyunjin takes a deep breath, trying to control himself. 

"I do.. but not here." You grind into him again, a deeper more pronounced moan leaves his parted lips and a small chuckle escapes you. 

"Come on." You pull away from his neck, peering deep into his unsure gaze. "It's fine. Just go ahead, right here."

You continue to grind into him, you can feel his cock hardening underneath you. Hyunjin's thigh muscles contract as he presses them together. You continue to grind into him. Small moans leaving your lips as you get more into it. Hyunjin’s brows knit together in uncertainty, the pleasure you're providing gradually making it more difficult to hold his bladder. 

"Angel.. I can't hold it, are you sure?" You nod, the soft fabric of your cotton shorts and the friction of his denim jeans causing a delicious ache to form between your thighs. 

"Go ahead." You coo softly as you rock into him. Hyunjin whimpers in response, his eyes still shut but the tension in his eyebrows softens little by little as he lets go. 

You can feel the wet warmth of him under you. You grind into him harder, the wetness of his urine meshing with the slick of your cunt. You lean down, attaching your lips to his hungrily. He kisses you back, hard and rough, your tongues fighting against each others. You feel as the warmth under you expands, soaking your shorts and seeping into the denim of his jeans. The imprint of Hyunjin's hard cock straining against the soaked fabric. You moan into the kiss as Hyunjin lets out a satisfied sigh, his cock twitching at the relief mixed with pleasure. 

"Feel better, baby?" You ask breathlessly against his lips. He moans in response, his hands gripping your hips as you rock against him. 

"You're filthy." He mumbles against your lips, smiling into the kiss. A breathy chuckle escapes you as you lightly bite his bottom lip, pulling at it a bit. 

"I am, aren't I?" You lean up, stripping your shirt off and throwing it to the side. "Let me show you just how filthy I am."

You move yourself off of his lap and sink down to your knees in front of him. Your eyes never leave his dark one's, he watches you carefully, hungrily. You reach for the button of his jeans swiftly undoing it and unzipping his pants. He lifts his hips to allow you access and you fight a bit to get the soaked fabric down his thighs. His jeans pool at his ankles and he steps out of them, leaving him in his soaked briefs. You shimmy them down just enough to have access to his cock and balls. A small moan leaves your lips as your forearm rests against the damp fabric of his briefs to stroke his dick. 

"Show me, angel." 

You lean up on your knees, sticking your tongue out of your mouth with a collection of spit waiting to drip from the tip of it. You dip your head down, licking up his member, collecting the taste of him and the mess that he made moments before. A pornographic moan leaves your lips as you reach the head of his cock, sucking on it briefly before pulling away with a trail of spit connecting you to him. 

"Fuck, baby, I'm a bit sensitive." You moan in response as you dip down to taste him again, Your tongue flat against the underside of his cock and swirling around the head before you take more of him into your mouth. The warmth of your mouth makes Hyunjins toes curl in pleasure.

“My filthy little angel.” Hyunjin coos at you, lacing his slender fingers into your hair and guiding you up and down his length. “You like tasting the mess I made? You like being soaked in my piss?”

You groan around his shaft, the vibrations of your throat sending chills up Hyunjins spine. You reach down between your legs and rub yourself over your piss soaked shorts. The wet fabric creates delicious friction against your bare core. You moan at the sensation as you continue to bob your head, taking him deeper down your throat each time. Using your free hand you start to pay attention to his balls, rubbing at the twin globes and covering them with the spit that dribbles down from the hilt of Hyunjins cock. You choke around him when he pushes your head down a bit, holding you there for a second to indulge in the way your throat contracts around him. 

“Oh, fuck you’re gonna make me cum.” You look up at him with your bright eyes. His brows are knitted together in pleasure as he watches you, teeth sunken into his bottom lip and his chest rising and falling quickly. 

You moan as you start to reach your peak as well, bucking against your own hand desperately. The cold and wet sensation of your urine soaked shorts serves as a delicious contrast to the burning in your belly. 

“Fuck, baby, I’m cumming.” You pull back from his cock, panting a bit as you move your hand from his balls to his shaft. You stroke him at the same pace that you were previously bobbing your head making sure to keep him on the edge.

 “Shit.” Hyunjin groans, his head falling back against the couch as he releases all over your hand. Him cum dripping down onto his soaked briefs. You reach your climax seconds after, squirting a bit and soaking your shorts all over again. 

You notice a bit of piss mixed arousal spurt up from his cock, falling against your hand and dripping down. Small moans fall from both of your lips as you come down from your high, your hips slowly rock into your hand, mixing the fluids that are responsible for your dripping shorts. You slowly stop stroking Hyunjin, a bead of mixed arousal escapes him before you let go of his member, allowing it to rest against his clothed stomach. 

“Fuck.” You whisper breathlessly as you rise from your knees. “You okay, baby?”

Hyunjin shakes his head, resting his hand over his chest. 

“That was fucking hot.” He chuckles, a small smirk pulling at his lips. You sit next to him and he turns his head to the side to gaze over at you. You smile back to him and glance down at his cum stained briefs. You take up a bit of his mixed arousal with two of your fingers, he watches as you bring them up to your mouth and taste it, sucking on your fingers like a lollipop. A low moan escapes you as the taste of him covers your tongue. Once you’re satisfied you release your fingers with a slight ‘pop’

“New kink unlocked”

[atopvisenyashill]

Do you… do you maybe want to share the nedcat sex headcanons?

alsdfj i got you anon

so emotional/timeline wise my headcanons are-

Ned actually knows a lot about sex because he grew up with Brandon and Robert in his ear talking about the women they'd been fucking but he sticks to missionary until after Sansa is born because he doesn't want Cat to think he's a man slut, he canNot get hard if he's thinking about Brandon or anything Brandon ever said to him even a little, and he's also like 75% sure they were just straight up lying to him.

Ned doesn't want to pressure her because he's unsure how long it takes to recover from birth and he's worried she hates him so he awkwardly asks if the birth was hard, how she's feeling, and Catelyn realizes he's asking if she's cleared to fuck and she's just like "yeah I'll come to your room tonight if you want" but Ned is like "no no i'll come to you!!" so the first few years, they're doing all their fucking in her room instead of his.

With the three year gap between Robb and Sansa, I think the first year or so the two of them are barely fucking. There's barely an eye contact because Catelyn still thinks he's mid and he always looks so serious and Ned keeps thinking about Brandon, going soft, and getting embarrassed (i'm an expert on grief and sexual dysfunction bro trust me on this) (i'm being serious here i got a lot of dead family members)

The crying incident happens like a month after the Ashara incident. Ned doesn't skip their Scheduled Sex Day, but the bruise he left takes forever to fade away and they're both really aware of it when they're fucking and he can't like, apologize even though he feels like the biggest asshole and she can't be mad at him because that's not how Proper Wives act, so it's just a lot of no eye contact sex until he's crying into her hair and trying to hide it. Catelyn feels so weird about it because she's like "he's crying over Ashara he hates me he wanted to marry her instead of me and we'll never be happy" but she's also Elder Sister Extreme so his crying makes her start playing with his hair, and then they're sad making out and both crying and he goes soft and they're both laughing at how deeply stupid they're being.

He comes to her room the next night to apologize for being a fucking wreck and then when they're banging - and it's going really well - he suggests she get on top and she's like...I can do that? Hell yes she can and it's real good.

They start fucking more spontaneously, with her dropping hints outside of Scheduled Sex Days that he could drop by if he wants, and Ned awkwardly asking if he can come by on other days, but before they really find a groove she's pregnant with Sansa and he's like "if we fuck it'll hurt the baby" but he notices Cat is clearly feeling some type of way about the fact that they stopped having sex and this is when Ned goes down on her for the first time.

Literally the moment she's cleared they start having sex again. I love that scene in the show where Ros says he rang all the bells in Winter's Town for a week after Sansa was born, because I just love the idea that Cat is feeling slightly bummed that this one came out with red hair and a girl at that (she wants a daughter eventually but what she wants is a son that looks like Ned) but Ned is so jazzed about being here for this birth and getting to hold Sansa when she's still a newborn and the birth was easy so they're both healthy, and keeps stopping random servants to be like "look at my baby i made this!!" that Cat just completely falls in love and is dropping hints about him visiting her rooms whenever he wants and Ned loves affection so. It's so good none of the kids are old enough to be scarred by how often their parents fuck yet.

Sometime after Arya is born and he's back from the Greyjoy Rebellion, they start getting super adventurous. He's going down on her in the godswood. She's going down on him in the middle of the day in his solar. One time she wears an old dress that's a lil too tight across the chest and he mumbles about visiting her later and she's just like you know what fuck it and they do it in a random room. He feels her up one time in the Sept but she's like i canNot do this with the Seven watching so he drags her to his room and it's not even lunchtime. They get ass over tits drunk at an Umber wedding and bang (really quickly and not very quietly) in a random hallway. Robb sees like the corner of Ned's ass one (1) time when they're fucking in the godswood and they calm down a little bit because Robb spends the rest of the month sullenly glaring at Ned while Jon is clearly trying to become one with whatever floor he's standing on because Robb obviously squealed immediately.

They start fucking in his room before Bran is born and she starts sleeping in there sometimes when they get tired out lmao. As they age, they gotta limber up a lil bit but that just means Ned has has an excuse to "massage" her aka feel her up. She will do that thing where she'll lightly massage his shoulders in public but it always gets him a lil rowdy (in an affectionate, loving way) and it makes Theon cackle and it makes Robb want to die and Jory is always saying he hopes he's happy like that with his wife while Robb is begging him to shut the fuck up.

Ned would never grab her ass in public but he definitely checks her out with zero shame in front of the gods and everyone because the pregnancies gave her a huge ass and sometimes Arya will narrow her eyes at him because she doesn't know what the fuck he's staring at but she knows it's inappropriate and then Ned feels guilty for being horny in front of his kids.

specific "what are they doing in bed" stuff-

most of the weird shit they get into is curiosity. neither of them is ever trying to be sexy (he doesn't want to pressure her, proper ladies don't enjoy they endure, etc) but she is naturally curious and they find each other so completely sexy that they just want to try everything to see how it feels.

they get into orgasm denial (for her). starts out as just like, they're unsure of what to do, he's fairly certain Robert was making up all that stuff about his girls screaming in ecstasy but once they find a groove, Ned finds he really enjoys like, methodically edging her until she's tearing her own hair out and then getting really rough, and it becomes a game to see how close he can get her without pushing her over, how long she can stay on the edge without going over, and then snowballs into how long they can fuck ~just for him~ until she's like, inconsolable. this is mostly because ~proper ladies don't ask for it~ right so Catelyn is always framing her own sexual desire as I'm Sure You Have Needs My Lord so Ned becomes determined to make her admit that she really wants him.

He goes down on her literally all the time. Man dreams about eating the pussy every night.

obviously Ned has a canon breeding kink a mile wide but that's because when they're fucking Catelyn is talking to him about making another son. she picked that up from a Manderly wedding they went to. she doesn't go down on him as often because he's like no it goes Inside You Cat and it's the most hilarious, most sexy thing he gets huffy about.

they do reverse cowgirl all the time specifically so he can watch her hair bounce all around. she really loves when she's in his lap and they're just kinda grinding and making out and he's playing with her hair because she really likes the feeling of her chest against his.

they go hard he has bruised her hips a lot but it's okay because she scratches the fuck out of his back. they're both really apologetic the first time it happens except as it turns out not only does Cat get a thrill out of pressing down on the bruises during the day, Ned likes looking at the scratches so they start doing it on purpose. he's really careful to never bruise her arms however (he did one time kind of accidentally because he was holding her wrists above her head and she was weird and moody all week until he realized he'd triggered The Bad Memory) but he will leave fingerprint bruises all over her thighs and chest. She'll scratch up his chest enough to draw blood and he'll be fingering the scrape and Luwin is like why do you two do this to me. make sure she washes her hands before at least so it doesn't get inflamed seven hells.

She catches Theon doing anal with a servant and gets curious and brings it to Ned and she likes how it's just a little painful and overwhelming. Ned never finishes inside her ass though he thinks it's really weird, so he finishes on her belly usually which he feels is a waste until she started scooping it up and licking it off her fingers again, mostly out of curiosity than anything, and he uh, really likes that.

He still refuses to come in her mouth though lmao.

[evertidings]

HIIIII:)))) I absolutely adore ur work (and A too, my perfect partner<3) but I was scrolling through the FAQ section of ur page and you brought up ur boundaries abt nsfw asks bc u were uncomfortable with thinking of the ro's sexually. I'm just a bit confused bc you also said there'll be a nsfw scene with K? Will that be smth happening with all the ro's? (minus Blane) or is it to show K's demisexuality in a way? Obviously no need for the clarification if you dont want to:)))

when i say no nsfw asks, it's mostly because i know a lot of those questions can get pretty intense and i'm not comfortable answering those. like, i don't really want to think about who likes choking during intimacy, you know?

but eventually yes, there will be some sort of nsfw scene in the game. this goes for all ros btw, but of course, depending on their sexualities and level of comfortability with this kind of stuff, it'll vary. truly though, i don't know if it's fair to call it nsfw, because of how tame it'll likely be. there'll probably be some degree of making out and some handsy action, but any sex will be vague in description or fade to black. i just don't think i could write it, let alone write that well.

i'm not sure if this answers your question at all, since i kinda skirted around it, but hopefully this is somewhat helpful <3

[moonstruckmoony]

So a long while ago @lamieboo tagged me in this post (I'm not reblogging bcs it'll be way too long sorry 😢) I made some art and wrote a whole one shot for it because it was the perfect opportunity for a Winter lore I've always wanted to make. Please be kind lol 💀 I haven't written in ages and I'm such a noob when it comes to writing, also English isn't my native language. I had to run my draft through multiple writing tools back and forth to find better phrasings and dictions that better express what I want to convey. Roughly ~1,000 words.

Green and Gold

She stepped forward as the wardrobe creaked open, the boggart slipping through the narrow gap in the door. Long, flowing golden threads emerged first, and Winter drew in a sharp breath.

The rest of the boggart soon took form—a woman in a pale blue dress, slumped weakly on the floor, her calf bleeding from a deep slash. Golden locks framed her worried face, and her piercing blue eyes, so much like Winter’s own, locked onto hers. Winter’s hand instinctively went up to the scar across her left eye. The woman’s chest heaved with silent breaths. The faint murmur of the students lining up behind Winter faded until she could hear nothing. Then, the woman’s lips parted, as if to speak.

“Close your eyes, snowflake.”

Was that truly her mother’s voice? Winter couldn’t remember if boggarts could speak. Could they mimic human voices? Or was it only mouthing the words while the voice echoed from somewhere deep within her mind?

Her hands went clammy. A bead of sweat ran down the side of her face. 

She knows what’s coming next. Behind her mother’s beautiful, tear-streaked face, a blinding green light appeared. Winter swiftly squeezed her eyes shut and raised her wand. “Riddikulus,” she whispered, her voice trembling as she kept her eyelids tightly closed.

· · ─────── ·❄ ❅ ❆· ─────── · · Sebastian went pale, even as the swirling Mallowsweet leaves spun into a twister before him, which without question, the most mesmerising form of the Riddikulus charm he had ever seen. It wasn’t a form he would laugh at, unlike most transformations of the charm. It was breathtaking. But no, what had truly gripped him was the green light that followed her mother’s appearance. He had never seen Winter like this—paralysed by fear, gasping for breath, drenched in sweat. She was always so composed, so captivating. Full of life, curiosity, and wonder.

He hadn’t realised this was her deepest fear.

And it was the very same curse he had cast just last year. On his uncle. Right in front of her. What had she looked like back then? He couldn’t quite remember. The sound of her laboured breathing lingered faintly in his mind, and he recalled her standing frozen for a moment before following him as he fled the catacombs. But the look on her face—he had no memory of it. Was she shocked? Horrified? Traumatised? He had been too distraught, too consumed by his own turmoil, to notice. Merlin, how must she have felt? Watching her best friend cast the Killing Curse—the very same curse that had taken her mother’s life—right in front of her? His throat went dry. His insides twisted painfully. Clenching his hands into fists, he dug his nails into his palms.

Was this… was this the reason she had refused to learn the spell? Not that he had wanted her to; in fact, he had been relieved when she didn’t. But it left him with questions. She was his kindred spirit, after all, and he knew the Dark Arts intrigued her, even if it was purely out of curiosity and for the sake of knowing. She wanted to learn, and had learned the other two curses. He had thought, perhaps, she would eventually ask about the last one, even though he wasn’t sure if he could bear to teach her—not after what happened to Solomon, to himself.

To Anne. But she was adamant in her refusal to learn it. She had said so out of the blue, when they began speaking again after the catacombs—after weeks of silence between them. Now, he finally understood why. And his heart broke for her. “Sebastian? Sebastian, what just happened?” Ominis’ voice snapped him back to reality. His best friend’s face was filled with concern, surely anxious for not being able to see what’s happening. Just this time, Sebastian is glad he couldn’t. He wouldn’t want Ominis to witness her in such a state. He opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He tried again, but his gaze drifted to Winter, who was slowly making her way towards them from the front of the line. Another student—Arthur Plummly, perhaps—stepped forward to face the boggart, but Sebastian hardly noticed. His focus was solely on Winter, her head bowed, arms wrapped tightly around herself, her body trembling slightly. “Winter…” She looked up at him, her eyes wide. They stood there for a moment, locked in each other's gaze. “I… I’m sorry.” He finally managed to speak. “What... what are you apologising for?” So much. Even though he’d already apologised to her and Ominis countless times, he hasn’t apologised for this one. “You—you know why.” He knew she understood. They’d always had a way of reading each other, and this was one of those moments. “That’s… It’s not—you shouldn’t…” She trailed off. And Sebastian was thankful she didn’t finish. Because he did feel like he should apologise. Even though hadn’t known about this, what he did that day might’ve stirred up memories she had buried deep down. Just like the cursed boggart had just now. Another silence passed before he slowly pulled her into an embrace. One hand rested on her back, the other gently cradling the back of her head. She froze at first, startled, but after a moment, her body softened into his arms as he tenderly stroked her hair. From his peripheral vision, Sebastian saw Ominis approached hesitantly. His alabaster hand tentatively found Winter’s smaller one, which still hung limply at her side, and she allowed their fingers to entwine. Sebastian could see the questions lingering in his best friend’s furrowed brows, but he’s certain that Winter would talk to him–she would explain everything to them when she’s ready.

He glanced forward, aware of the curious eyes from the students waiting in line—some watching with intrigue, others with quiet sympathy. It was a peculiar view, after all: Winter with her two best friends huddled together in such an unusual position. Up front, he caught sight of Amit ducking as his boggart morphed into harmless paper planes flying about after his successful Riddikulus. Sebastian hadn’t seen Amit’s boggart, but he imagined it was likely something ordinary, like a failing report card marked with a dreaded “T” in Astronomy or History of Magic.

None of that mattered now. The only person of importance was the girl in his arms, her trembling slowly subsiding, her once-laboured breathing easing into a soft, steady rhythm.

· · ─────── ·❄ ❅ ❆· ─────── · ·

[jadebat7]

"it feels so scary getting old"

childhood friend!kuroo x reader

summary: a late night talk with tetsurou <3

The cold, fall air blew across your face making you shiver. Leaves below rustled, making a small leaf-nado. You watched as the dead leaves danced around together in syncopated rhythm, wild and unruly.

You were sat on the roof, one ear bud in your ear, listening to a playlist you made. Your knees brought to your chest as you leaned against the outer wall.

Soon enough, the leaves fell and it was silent, except for the quiet music in your left ear.

Tetsurou was in his bedroom, working on some random homework. He often stayed up late. Too late. Balancing volleyball and school was hard.

He opened the window, hoping some fresh air would help him think better. As he opened the curtains, he saw you. He wasn't shocked. The roof was where you went when the confinement of your house was too much. The roof was your freedom.

Glancing at his homework, then at you, then at the homework again, he sighed. He opened the window, crawling out like so many times before.

"Tetsurou, are you sure? What if we get hurt! Or what if my mom finds out I was out here past my bedtime!" You looked at him, your ladybug raincoat on. It wasn't raining, you just liked the coat.

He smiled his usual toothy smile, his eyes gleaming. "It'll be okay! C'mon, just sit on the back"

Climbing onto his crappy bike he built with his dad, 8 year old Testurou coaxed you to sit on the back. He was always so convincing.

Looking back, he smiled at the memory. He opened the gate connecting your yard to his, and climbing onto your roof. It wasn't that high up, so it wasn't too hard.

You heard the familiar climbing, smiling as you looked over and saw his eyes peaking over the edge. You took out your lone ear bud and put it back in its case.

He sat next to you, "Late night?"

You nodded, "Mom and dad keep talking to me about college, trying to pressure me to do something good, reliable, like a doctor or whatever"

A small smile formed on his face, "Which you won't do because...?"

"It's just not who I want to be. I dunno, college isn't for me right now. Maybe I'll go eventually," You looked over at him before resting your head on his shoulder.

"But for now? I like it here."

He draped his arm across your shoulders, gently resting his head on yours.

"You're so cheesy," he teased

You scoffed, "I'm cheesy? I've heard the speeches you give your team"

He laughed, "That's true."

The stars were bright tonight, the moon was full, casting a cool glow on the twos face. You sighed, indulging in the sweet, gentle moment.

"I'm gonna miss you, y'know? When you go and move and become someone great"

"Someone great? Am I not already amazing?"

You pushed his chest softly, playfully, teasing. Smiling, you looked at him. Your head now rested on your knees, your arms wrapped around your legs.

"You're ruining the moment, asshole"

"Sorry, sorry-" He smiled, but it quickly faded. He was growing up. You were growing up.

When he looked at you, he still saw the little kid he met when he moved in next door. You were so shy, hiding behind your mom's leg,

"This is y/n" Your mom looked down at you, a hand resting in your hair. You were hidden behind her leg, barely peaking out as you gripped her pant leg.

Tetsurou's dad smiled, "This is Tetsu-" Before he could finish, Tetsurou walked up to you, a smile on his face. He was missing a tooth, and he had some dirt on his cheek. How'd that get there?

"I'm Tetsurou! I'm 7!"

He held out a hand, waiting for you to shake it.

"I'm, y/n-" You spoke softly, hesitantly shaking his hand.

That was where it began.

He knew there would never be mudpies at the park again, or pretend rocket on the school playground, or midnight bike rides with no helmets or adults.

There would never be awkward slow dancing at the first middle school dance again, or walking to the convenience store together after school, or reading shitty poetry you both wrote in your shared emo phase.

There would never be these roof top conversations again, or you comforting him after yet another girl rejected him, or searching for you in the stands at volleyball games.

He looked at you, running a gentle hand through you hair. You looked so beautiful with the moonlight casting a soft glow on your face. He always thought you were beautiful.

"Kuroo and y/n sitting in a tree!" The kids yelled.

Tetsuro ignored them, holding your hand under the play ground.

Your tears fell onto your strawberry shortcake shirt, a frown clear on your face.

"You can go play with them, Tetsu- I'm fine"

He frowned, "But they were mean to you, and called you ugly. I don't want to play with them! They're mean,"

He sat next to you, smiling. "And you're not ugly, y/n. You're the prettiest girl in the world!"

You looked at him, sniffling. "Really?"

He nodded, "Really! And the best best friend anyone could have!"

He sighed, "I don't want to be an adult,"

As he brushed a strand of hair out of your face, he moved closer to you. A microscopic, tiny, barely noticeable change.

"How am I supposed to get my y/n fix everyday?"

You laughed, "I am pretty great"

"Did you know that the longer I go without you, 10 years are taken off my life?"

"Oh really? I guess I can't be gone too long," You teased, gently pushing him with your shoulder.

Silence, again. It was comfortable, of course. A woosh of wind broke the silence, messing up the leaves again.

"I'm not playing volleyball in college," He spoke, breaking the silence.

You sat up, looking at him. "Tetsurou- You can't! You're so good, and it's, like, your life! I mean, when I think of-"

He cut you off, "I'm still going to be working around volleyball, I just won't be playing."

There was his stupid smile again. Stupid. Of course, you grew to love that shit eating grin. But you could still see a slight sadness behind his eyes.

"This is what I want. I want to make volleyball more accessible, and fun. That's were my real passion lays anyway."

You nodded, "I'm happy for you. Really."

"Thank you."

The roof creaked, it always did when it was so windy like this. Your eyes traced over his face once again.

"Remember middle school? When we used to sit up here all night and listen to music?"

He smiled, "Of course. Then your mom would find us and think we were making out"

You laughed at the memory, although there was a smidgen of truth.

"I love this song" He put down his phone, turning up the volume a bit.

It was warm, the sun had just set and there was still a barely noticeable rim of yellow at the bottom of the sky. It was summer break, and so far you had gone swimming, and biked around the neighborhood, and made crappy ice cream. All with Tetsurou.

"Y/n?"

When did he get so close? And when did the song change?

You looked at him, the moon illuminating his face. Was he kind of... good looking? You never though about him like that but maybe...

Your eyes flicker to his lips, then back at his eyes. He noticed, of course. You weren't exactly sneaky. That stupid grin formed on his face once again and he slowly leaned in to-

"Y/n! Tetsurou! Get down, you'll get hurt!"

You laughed to yourself, before shaking your head.

"Y/n?"

"Hm?"

"If we're not married to anyone by the time we're 25, will you marry me?"

You rolled your eyes at the question, before nodding. "Of course I'll marry you, Tetsurou."

He smiled, "Guess I'm a single man til then"

"Whatever you say, Tetsu"

headers found here

Reblogs appreciated!

requests open!!

[daisyjonesgf]

silver springs

finnick odair x gn!reader

2k words

masterlist

summary: finnick's cycle of self destruction stops for no one, even if it tears the two of you apart, but you refuse to fade into the past.

warnings: angst, lots of it, self destructive behavior, mentions of trafficking, allusions to consensual smut, reader values their virginity, arguments, break ups, trauma, unhealthy relationship dynamics, unhappy ending, but could be interpreted as hopeful if you want it to be, unedited, no use of y/n

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Finnick knows he should just fall asleep, let himself rest and turn his brain off from overthinking, but he can't. You deserve better, so much better than the broken boy from District 4 who will forever be playing his role in the puppet show. Where you've fought the demons off with compassion for each person you've come across, it shames him how easily he can fall into the facade of the egotistical Capitol darling. Eventually his outlook will consume the joy you've harvested to forcefully in the depths of your heart and he knows not a minute will pass that he can look at himself in the mirror knowing he did that to you. So he has to end it, to let you be free for a much happier life, at least that's what he tells himself as he prepares for you to wake.

You're so beautiful in the moonlight that glows on your sleeping face and he's even more enthralled when the sun begins to rise and it's like you're an angel in the colors. He's not sure when he let a few tears shed thinking about how when you wake up it'll be the last time he sees you like this, but it's for the best. When you do hazily wake up, blankets falling off your bare body as you sit up, all your sleepy smiles make his heart clench even more, but his brain more certain.

“Good morning." You mumble out, leaning in for a kiss which he scoots away from and your incoherent brain snaps to attention. No matter how long it's been since you've been in the arena, you doubt that instinct will ever go away, the need to be constantly on edge if something seems slightly off, and he is. Finnick is usually the type to be just returning from a swim with some fish he caught in the morning or arms wrapped around you. “What's wrong?" You can feel a defense mechanism settling in with the numbness of your voice, had you really finally had the courage to let someone have your body only for them to pull away from your love the very next morning? What a cruel master the universe seemed to be no matter what cards you played.

Finnick's eyes were glossy and he rubbed his face as he sniffled, forcing the words out of his reluctant throat, “I don't think we should see each other anymore." Before the words have even finished tumbling out of his mouth you've pulled the blanket back up to cover your exposed chest. How could you be so cautious of something only for it to come from the person you least expected, apparently you weren't cautious enough.

“Oh." It's humiliating, if you could just disappear into the air you would give anything to do so. You can't cry, it would only further that humiliation, so you robotically move to the side of the bed to grab the panties that had been so lazily thrown off by him the night before. “Congrats on the score, Finnick, hopefully I'm worth a good amount of points." Your voice can't be allowed to crack or shake, but it's fighting against your willpower.

“It's not like that." Finnick quickly says, observing you, and he'll never say it, but he's scared. He doesn't want you to hate him, to break your heart, he just wants you to be free of his chains.

You scoff and have to force yourself to stand without the protection of the blanket so you can find the rest of your strewn about clothes. “I’m sure that's what you tell all of them.” All of us, he's always been a rumored playboy, but with what the Capitol did to him that was what you'd placed it on. Not that he played people, but that he was unfairly used, now you reasoned, two things could be true at once. Him having past partners had never bothered you when he began talking to you, but now you wondered how he left them. You glance back for less then a second when you see he's buried his head in hands, not answering.

He knows this isn't true, that he's doing this because he cares too much to let his darkness eat you alive. Maybe he'll even have to say that to you, so he won't have to live with the additional weight of your resentment.

“I just-" Your throat breaks on a sob you're holding back, “I know it's not important to everyone, but it was important to me, Finnick. I gave you something that I wasn't ready to give anyone else because I thought…” You sighed, "It doesn't matter what I thought, but it's so fucked that you took that away when you knew.” A stray tear has forced its way through which you're wiping away as soon as you can. Your pants are in a pile at the end of the bed which you quickly grab.

“I'm sorry." His voice isn't hiding the tears as he looks up from his hands, he's genuine and you can tell as much from his voice, but it doesn't stop the internal berating of being so stupid to finally share that intimate part of yourself when he would leave you hours later. “I didn't plan it like that, honey, I didn't."

“Please, don't call me that." He nods his head in retreat after your request that was meant to be more forceful, preferably he'd never speak to you again.

“You deserve better, so much better." You agree, the bare minimum would be a day before he broke the news not hours after you'd slept with him. “Better than me, I need you to have better.” He feels like a child, knees pulled up to his chest as he gives you up so you'll be far away from his destruction, but you feel more like a toy he's gotten bored of playing with. Like a hurricane it hits you that he means being with you, a sentiment he’s murmured many times in your relationship even if you insisted otherwise at each utterance. Yet you can no longer find it in you to assure him otherwise, no matter how much you disagree.

“Oh my god, this is the ‘woe is me, I'm Finnick Odair, so unlovable’ act again!” You could tear your hair out, "I could love you, Finnick! That's who could and I'm so sick of this push and pull thing you play at. But we are all dealing with things inside and you refuse to be, not even helped, but at least cared for!”

He's gotten up from the bed, shaking his head with as much intent as he can muster, "If you loved me it would kill you.”

"Says who?” You no longer care about whether or not you're keeping composure or yelling, you've spent every moment you can trying to assure him and within the hours you slept he decided to tear it all apart. "Oh right, just you! You and your endless piles of self doubt, I'm not asking for that to go away, but you could at least be open to hearing others out."

“It's for you, honey, I couldn't live with myself if I put you through that."

Any movements you were making stop as you stare at him, he's so honest, so eager, and you radiate an anger he despises himself for making, but wants to catch the last few sparks of before he leaves forever. “You are so selfish. Have you ever even considered the fact that I would suffer more without you, then with you, or were you too busy trying to punish yourself for not spending every moment of your life in a pile of guilt?”

He doesn't answer and you know it's a no. Part of you says it's wrong to tell a man who's always eating himself up from the inside that he's selfish, but you feel like you're on autopilot.

"I'm a person, Finnick! Everyone you've ever dated is. You do not get to play house for a year to live in a fantasy and then push us away whenever your thoughts are too much, that's why it doesn't work, you won't let it. And everyone who puts in the effort to love you, to care about you, has it all swept away when you're ready to wallow again. That way when you briefly decide it's over you can do it all over again.” You're pulling on the pants before you can look around for the shirt in some hidden spot.

Finnick feels like he's running cold, part of him knows you're right that his cycle is neverending, but you can understand, he tells himself. Even if you're a fellow victor, no one can help him, he's resigned himself to it and you're too light of a bubble to let you pop. So he has to live in denial, that he has to protect you from himself even if that is really what's attacking you now, “I care and I can't do this to you. You don't understand, I'm like a whirlpool waiting to suck everything in with me."

“You have." You find the shirt and button it up with fumbling fingers, blood pulsating in anger, sadness, and the want to beg him to change his mind and let you sit with forever. But you know you can't subject yourself to his cyclone of self-destruction any longer, not when you have your own struggles to deal with. The things you couldn't tell him about because of the constant pressure to be the light in his bleak outlook of the world, even when you were so tempted whenever it seemed like he was in his true state. The Finnick that was sweet and giving, or maybe you were an idealist wishing for a man that he could truly never be. “I won't fade into obscurity over you.” Your voice has become considerably softer and you gaze at his shaking body.

"What?” He asks, he knows that you won't understand why he has to do what he's convinced himself he must, but that doesn't prevent him from wanting to take it all back, embrace you, and promise to do better even if he knows he won't.

"I'm a victor too, Finnick. Every party, I'll be there, when you have to watch required programs on the television, I'll be there. I won't take a step back just because I'm hurt, we're all wounded dogs, Finnick, some of us just handle it better and I won't quiet myself just because it might remind you of another person you've pushed behind.”

“I'm not asking you too."

“No, but it's what you're used to. I'm not just someone else from home, you will always hear my voice, see my face, and I need you to know that. I want you to get better, Finnick, because I care about you more than you can even fathom, but I will be a hitch from what you're used to. You deserve to know that, I'm sorry if that makes it more difficult for you or maybe it's what you need. A wake-up call that whatever you're doing is what's actually hurting people not whatever fucked up fantasy it is you're listening to in your head.”

Finnick wanted you to know how much you cared, but said nothing as he pushed down more tears when you left, never to be in his room again. The mornings spent in your comfort are officially gone. You'd been right of course, he couldn't wallow and move on because you were everywhere. Your laugh in his ears at every party, your saccharine voice on the screen, your presence around every turn. Maybe you'd even been right when you insinuated this was what he was missing, he couldn't forget about you long enough to fall into his routine, especially not when the echoes that once told him he had to let you go sang a different tune. How destructive he was for letting the one person who could even attempt to anchor his tortured soul go.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Thank you for reading, as always feedback, comments, likes, reblogs, is all super appreciated! I was going to write another chapter of the lakes but I had this idea in my brain presenting so here it is. 💋

[galacii-gallery]

* Hate

* Unlike the other traits it's something that must grow, without it... It'll eventually fade away into nothingness.

- Frames below -

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Recently made this Hate soul named Hysteria, a fanon ( canon? Not sure, I'm just sitting here hdhdhdndh ) soul that was also created by Wysh and the Architect. [ Which belong to @agdreamtale ]

Kind of wanted to throw these pieces here before I made a full on bio for them 👀

[bonefall]

Is Sandgorse still abusive in BB? If so does he still save Sparrow? Idk I think it'd be a neat thing for Talltail to brood on and move past once realizing the truth. Like just because your abuser did a "Good Thing tm" doesn't mean you have to forgive them or that all of a sudden it excuses their past a tion towards you.

Or did you remove this plot beat entirely? If so I don't blame you :P

Weird that Tumblr search isn't giving me all the stuff I tagged :/ hopefully after finals are done I can compile a 1st draft/The Story So Far for the rework of Tallstar’s Revenge

It's now called TALLSTAR’S COLLAPSE. It is actually a story I am rewriting with tragedy in mind. It's about Talltail fleeing WindClan with his starcrossed lover, Sparrow, only to eventually be drawn back to it where he becomes a perpetuator of all the things that made him leave.

To answer your question; Yes, and. Sandgorse is abusive and there's a LOT of nuance to this situation. I'm not sure if he still saves "Sparrow" though because I have waaaay more of a point in mind with Tallstar’s tumultuous relationship to him.

Summary of changes,

Tallstar's Collapse

Sparrow is the Clanmew name Jake takes when his group interacts with WindClan. His first language is actually a dialect of Townmew!

(Also Firestar has no known father in BB)

His group is nomadic. They go from place to place trading goods. I need a name for both them and their cultural "cluster" but in my head, Jake's family is the Algernauts because Algernon is the current leader

It's important the Algernauts are extremely endearing because leaving them is VERY painful

(and something i want to frame as the wrong choice for tallstar, emotionally)

WindClan is in a very sensitive period of its history. Before Tallstar was born, Heatherstar began the Mothermouth Moorland War, to take a very large parcel of land from ShadowClan. A good 1/5th of it.

Naturally this is a huge project and incredibly ambitious. Sacrifices Must Be Made

The sacrifice she has chosen to make is the death of tunneling. Because she's smothering it.

Tunneling is PEACEFUL, defensive at best. You can't dig them in a floodplain, they would be useless for holding the Mothermouth Moorland territory

Tallkit is born into a terrible position. Son of the head tunneler, mother in a terrible depression, and Heatherstar trying to pry a wedge between the "future" and the "past"

Im also planning to change his name. He was born Slowworm-Kit, which has a connotation of cleverness in Clanmew. To bully him, Shrewpaw calls him Wormtail, because Slowworms drop their tails if pulled. It means "you will get trapped in a cave-in, and when they pull your tail, it'll fall off"

But it doesn't translate well into English... so I'm not sure what his Heatherstar-given warrior name would be. Wormwing or Wormleap maybe, like he "defied fate" to become a wonderful moor-runner...

Or maybe the prefix is Drop? Droptail as the mean bully name and Dropflight as the warrior name...

Anyway, when he returns, Heatherstar welcomes back the extra claws and honors the lesson he learned with "Talltale." In Clanmew this is "Story-travelled," his leader name meaning "Tale-star."

Anyway. Back to the cat drama

Talltail (name pending) is in a tight spot. I kind of want to show everyone being a victim except Heatherstar herself, who has all the power in this situation.

Not that it excuses anyone

Sandgorse is watching something he loves dying, an ancient tradition passed down for generations. He is trying to force his son into a position he shouldn't HAVE to occupy, but his child is the one thing he might have any control over

(Until Tall breaks it ofc)

Tallpaw was just a kid. He needed to take out his bullying and the stress on something, and that was usually his mother and the concept of tunneling

Palebird has been completely neglected by her mate as he focuses on the person he WANTS his kid to be. She NAMED a Fading Kit, a serious social taboo, and even the support of the nursery and Woolytail can't pull her out before Tall's kithood is over

Heatherstar is using Tallpaw as a political pawn and Tallpaw is too young and hurt to realize it. He was given to her sister, Dawnstripe, and endlessly praised for his skill and talent in a time where he NEEDED positive feedback

Which is making his relationships with his parents worse

All the while, there's VIOLENCE. Regular raids and counterstrikes. Cats die and get injured, and it only escalates as Tall gets older and Cedarstar is reaching the end of his lives, hoping to end the conflict before then

And in all this chaos and uncertainty, there comes Sparrow.

Just a trader and an honored guest, there's been lots of these nomadic visitors since the time of Windstar herself, but they've become quite rare.

When Sandgorse dies suddenly in that collapse (TITLE DROP) Talltail has the push he finally needs. It's too much. He can't process this

Sparrow begs him to leave with them, they don't even need to confront anyone, just come!

IF IT SUCKS HIT DA BRICKS

I have tons of really nice little things planned for this part of the story. It's several chapters of Talltail being free.

He engages in the funeral rites of Wee Hen, asking if he may sit vigil for her. His new family is honored to allow it, Reena even tries to do it too and falls asleep

(Little sister energy)

They meet all sorts of people and go to many places. Talltail learns that the world is vast, and there's an endless amount of knowledge out here.

It all starts crashing down when him and Jake find a litter of abandoned kittens, and become parents.

They're a few moons old.. around the same age as his halfsibs back home.

It starts bringing back memories. He wonders how they're doing. If they made a nice grave for Sandgorse...

The sudden longing for his own mother strikes him like lightning.

For the first time in eons, he feels GUILT over leaving. He thought it was over-- he's living his own life now!

But what if they're hurt? What if there was a battle and he couldn't help? What if his mentor died and he didn't even know?

What kind of a horrible son doesn't even say goodbye?

The problems that made him leave seem so small now, and the homesickness is like acid leaking from his stomach, dissolving his guts and leaving him hollow

He's raising kits who will never know what it means to earn a title, or have a permanent home, or--

(Any of the other things he should have learned don't have meaning outside of clan culture. Things they wouldn't miss.)

He cherishes the memories he makes here, raising children with his mate, but something turns inside of Talltail. Like the groaning ache of a hundred stones on top of a decaying mineshaft

The REAL collapse is this. An existential crisis Talltail can't escape from.

And eventually, it comes tumbling down with one last, horrible nightmare.

In his dream, he came home only to find the sandy camp abandoned, the dens decrepit, full of musty scent and cobwebs.

Sandgorse was there. And they talked.

His dad was gruff as always, disappointed. But he didn't say anything the real Sandgorse would say.

The nightmare said, "You really did turn out like me. We both left your mother when she needed us. Turned our backs on our leader. And now we're both dead to WindClan."

Tall wakes up crying. Jake is there to comfort him, but the conversation they have is sad.

Jake tries to tell him that's all not true, and even if it WAS his dad, his dad sucked and would only say that to hurt him!

But... Tall can't believe it. Jake's right but also wrong. He IS all those horrible things.

And...... how can jake ever Understand? He does not know the Bonds of a Clan cat

(thought terminating cliche. Outsiders Cant Understand Our Bonds.)

He stays a few more days, but that nightmare was the end. And everyone sees the change.

The kits are apprentice-aged. He stayed until they would be old enough to keep up with the Algernauts.

And he says goodbye. He won't ever leave without saying goodbye ever again.

Jake says it doesn't have to be goodbye, he'll always love him, and they can visit! They can see each other again!

And Tall says yes. That this isn't the end. It's... see you later, my love.

(...but they both know how violent it's getting between Wind and Shadow. It isn't safe to visit.)

It is the end. But neither can admit it.

But after Tall is a fair distance away, one of his kits tackles him.

POSSIBLY Post-Tallstar's Collapse

Not sure if I'd put these in a novella or still make it part of it, but these are all directly related to the fallout of Tallstar's Collapse

Most likely is that there would be overlap between this and Brokenstar's Cataclysm, so the same events would be seen in different perspectives.

The kit's name is Fly. Tall has to wait for him to catch his breath and stop crying before they can talk.

Fly already lost parents before. He says he knows he can't make his dads stay together, "But PLEASE, papa, let me choose where I go this time!"

How could he say no? How could he send his son away after a plea like that?

He told him it would be hard. That he would be trained. That there would be dangerous fights.

Fly didn't care, he said he could be strong. He could do anything he needed to.

So... Tall took him to WindClan, where he became Flypaw. He became the warrior he promised he would be.

And Tall didn't notice how much the kid was changing until it was too late. Flytail took to it as if he was Clanborn-- but had to work twice as hard, fight thrice as viciously.

Though Talltail was graced with an Honor Title and open arms, he'd adopted his greatest rival.

Fly and Tall started competing for deputyship as soon as they finished training apprentices; Heatherstar had a fondness for the two of them.

In the end, Talltail won the spot by springing into action and saving Heatherstar's young nephew, a little golden tabby, from an adder.

Flytail continued as one of the more aggressive warriors in the Clan, surviving increasingly violent and bitter battles, until it came to a head in Heatherstar's Last Stand.

Her final battle as an old leader was a gruesome, definitive curbstomp in the last strategic point ShadowClan held above Carrionplace.

One of the losses was Lizardstripe-- neck snapped in Flytail's jaws.

Runningnose, and by extension, the oak-tree to his long-shadow, Brokentail, remembered this. Especially when Runningnose's father Mudfoot collapsed later that year.

As Talltail took leadership from the dying Heatherstar, a familiar regretful guilt wormed into his belly.

His son Flytail stood with a bloody mouth, eyes wet with sorrow, looking down at the leader Talltail once loved almost as much. Appreciating her sacrifice.

(secretly he didnt choose Deadfoot as his deputy just for his honor title or the battle move he invented... he chose him because there was a shocked, sorrowful look in his eyes at the fallen shadowclan cat. Sympathy seems more honorable in this moment.)

Tallstar is a wise leader... but his fatal flaw is naivety. How could he think he'd bring his son into WindClan, and not see the boy grow into a ferocious Warrior?

And naivety is what he displayed when he offered Raggedstar a peace deal. WindClan would keep the land, but they would pay a small tax of rabbits over the winter.

It was unprecedented. It was merciful. It was stupid.

When the winter was over, what would stop them from pushing further south?

Would they trade back the frogs and the flax, come summer?

On the blood and bones of so many warriors? As if giving up was ever an option?

Brokentail killed his father to prevent him from taking the deal, and reawakened Ripplestar's War Tactics.

BURN the peat. KILL the prey. OFFENSE is defense. A dead warrior is 10 less claws. A dead apprentice is 1 less warrior.

Stolen kittens are 1 more warrior on your own side.

Tallstar paid the ultimate price for letting Flytail follow him home that day. On the night of the massacre, Flytail went down fighting alongside a mate and a daughter. Dogpiled by Tangleburr and her squadron in revenge for Lizardstripe and Mudfoot.

Tallstar's granddaughter Stoneclaw, made a warrior and sitting for her vigil on that night, was the sole survivor of the little family.

The event stopped her from speaking again, like she's still sitting vigil.

Tallstar is a character who almost broke free of the control of the Clans. For a brief moment of his life, he was free.

He thought maybe he could change things a little, protect his Clanmates from the battles by being part of them, have the Mothermouth Moorland and protect the peace at the same time. But you CAN'T.

You can't fix broken systems without fundamentally changing them. He thought he could be a nice warlord and that would work on the Clan whose territory he had inherited. Power acts through people just as much as they act through power.

And that's Tallstar. He who travels the world, yet is never able to go far enough. Always falling just a little short of the point, believing that love and mercy is enough while blissfully ignorant of the pressures of pride and power.

Into this role, as a successor to this leader, Onestar is unwillingly thrust.

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

A race for love p.24

Hii guyss, I hope you enjoy this part. If you've missed part 23 or the other parts you can find them on my masterlist :)

Formula 1 is all about speed, but in this story, the real race isn't just on the track. Read on to find out who will win the ultimate race-for your heart

The knock on your dorm room door startled you. Dropping your bag by the desk, you hurried over and opened it to see Oliver standing there, his familiar grin spreading across his face.

"Ollie!" you exclaimed, throwing your arms around him.

"Hey," he said, hugging you back tightly. "Good to see you too."

You stepped back and ushered him inside, where he immediately scanned your dorm room. His gaze lingered on the photo of you and Franco on the desk, but he said nothing, opting to settle on your small couch instead.

"So," he began, leaning back, "how's university life treating you?"

"Busy but good," you said, taking a seat across from him. "It's different, for sure, but I'm enjoying it. How about you? How's everything with the team?"

"Same old, same old," he replied with a shrug. "Though it's been quieter without you around to, you know, annoy us."

You rolled your eyes, laughing. "You're so dramatic."

His smirk faded slightly as he added, "But seriously, how are you? Everything okay?"

You hesitated for a moment before deciding to bring it up. "Actually... remember those weird messages I got?"

Oliver's relaxed posture stiffened, his eyes narrowing. "Yeah. Did something else happen?"

You shook your head. "No, nothing recently. But... I found out who it was."

"Who?" he asked sharply.

You sighed. "It was someone from Franco's past. Someone he was... involved with before we started dating. He didn't tell me her name because he didn't want me to worry, but he said it's over. He blocked her, and I haven't gotten any more messages. So I think she's moved on."

Oliver frowned, his jaw tightening. "And you believe him?"

"Yes," you said firmly. "He's been honest with me about everything. He didn't have to tell me about her at all, but he did. I trust him."

Oliver leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I don't like this, Y/N. Not one bit. If this girl was messaging you, it means she's not over him, no matter what Franco says. And if he was  hiding her from you, who knows what else he's not telling you?"

"Come on, Ollie," you said softly. "I know you're just trying to protect me, but Franco wouldn't lie to me. He's done everything he can to make me feel safe and loved."

Oliver didn't look convinced. His lips pressed into a thin line, and his brows knit together. "I don't trust him," he muttered.

You reached out and touched his arm. "It means a lot that you care, Ollie. You're like a brother to me."

He stiffened at your words, his gaze darting away from yours. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself. Instead, he forced a smile and leaned back.

"Yeah," he said, his voice quieter. "Brother."

To lighten the mood, you asked, "What about you? Anyone special in your life?"

Oliver's ears turned pink, and he immediately rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, no. Not really."

"Really?" you teased, leaning forward. "Why are you blushing then?"

"I'm not blushing," he shot back, clearly flustered. "And even if there was someone, I wouldn't tell you."

You laughed, shaking your head. "Fine, keep your secrets. But I'll find out eventually."

Oliver quickly changed the subject. "Anyway, have you heard about the dinner they're doing for the F2 drivers and their partners next month?"

You nodded. "I have. Franco invited me, so I guess I'll see you there."

He blinked in surprise. "You're coming?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged, his lips curving into a small smile. "I guess I just didn't expect to see you there. But it'll be nice to catch up more. You know, without Franco around."

"I'll make time for you, Ollie," you promised with a grin.

The two of you spent the next hour reminiscing about old times in the paddock. Oliver shared funny stories about his teammates, and you told him about your classes and how much you missed everyone. Despite the tension earlier, the conversation flowed easily, and you felt comforted by his presence.

As he got up to leave, he hesitated by the door. "Take care of yourself, alright? And if anything weird happens with... her, call me. Promise?"

"I promise," you said, touched by his concern. "Thanks, Ollie."

He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. As he walked down the hallway, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was more he wanted to say. Still, you were grateful for his friendship and knew he'd always have your back, no matter what.

Next part

Tag list: @hs2016, @a-beaverhausen