#i'm working on portfolio stuff and can't share much

[kianamaiart]

Hey hey! You’ve probably been asked this a lot but what made you want to start creating I Don’t Want To Be A Magical Girl?

Also I drew Akia in my style!

Hope you’re having a great day btw ! :0)

First of all this is so rad!!! I loooove how you drew her

And what made me want to make I Don't Want to be a Magical Girl... It was a lot of things! (im assuming you mean the pilot in general)

The idea started off as a stupid doodle/character design practice. It wasn't gonna be anything more than that. I just felt like drawing a cute character with a gun really hahaha.

It's not a particularly original premise and I didn't plan to do anything more with her (as I do with most of my ocs/designs). But I actually did really like this one and couldn't help but think of little ideas and scenarios with her. Things started ramping up in my brain more when I realized I could attach a personal story and personal experiences to it to make it feel less cliche. That's when I started designing the other characters and coming up with bios and stuff

And then that was gonna be it again. I'd maybe do a comic here and there but there was a combination of things that happened that led to me jumping in and making a pilot.

First of all, I had a two month hiatus coming up so I had so much time. I also decided to step down from my directors position to be a board artist again in the coming season. So I really wanted to get some storyboarding practice in and what better way to do that than with this character I ended up really liking? I also don't have a portfolio and I'd been wanting to make something that's very me rather than my work from an existing show.

I'd offhandedly mentioned to my editor at disney that I wanted to do a board for these characters and she told me she'd help me make an animatic if it ever came to that. I couldn't pass up that opportunity! Now, since it was gonna be an animatic and I didn't want it to just be my scratch, I reached out to a bunch of VA friends to see if they'd be interested and they were!

Then other than having that support, just seeing my friends work on their own personal projects has been really inspiring and made me want to also do my own thing! Me and my friend group had just made a whole video game for our friend as a bday present which was so creatively fulfilling and made me realize like "oh my god we're artists we can literally just make stuff".

In the past I'd been so afraid to share my original work and for similar fears I've never wanted to showrun despite having the opportunity to pitch. While it's flattering to be wanted there was this pressure that felt like "oh you HAVE to make something, you're wasting your talent otherwise." (lol this is ironically the thesis of idwtbamg). And as a qpoc, i'd felt this extra layer of pressure to have to make something perfect on all fronts because if i fail in any capacity, i'm failing my community. it'd just be another another reason for people to say "ah queer media and work centering poc just can't succeed." then on the other end, i can only do and write what i know and feared that other people in my community wouldn't resonate with it or would feel like it's inaccurate to their own experiences.

but that's an exhausting way to feel and i've finally decided for myself that i'm just gonna tell stories that are authentic to me and it will reach whoever it needs to reach~ this realization was kind of the final step i needed to push myself to go all in. and now we're here!

[notnights]

Little ninja fans of present day and past, I began watching RC9GN in December of 2012, and it changed my life forever, now it's 2024 and I'm nearing 30, time sure flies! Anyways I've been working on cleaning out my computer files and found a bunch and I mean A BUNCH of Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja promotional material and side content. I pretty much have most things that came out from 2012 - 2015 pertaining to the show.

I imagine a lot of these things have been lost to time as some of it was originally posted was from the DisneyXD website, and variations of the DisneyXD website (meaning from other countries). I have interviews, bumpers, dubs of episodes, even footage of some of the old RC9GN games, and Randy cameos (I saved footage of someone playing the RC9GN Poptropica promo!)

I also have a clip from WSFA where they reported on the fan that wrote Rachel's song. I had thought it was posted to youtube but I can't find it again so maybe they removed it, it's not on the article that's still up either! Guess it's good I saved it. (The article isn't entirely accurate, I believe she said she got the internship because of her song)

I also have a few clips of other dubs, including an Italian dub of the song and music video "GO NINJA GO," that's pretty cool! I also found audio files of the raw music from the show! I can't even remember how I got that. (they are unfortunately not named)

I have some less quality stuff like literally me just recording promos and bumpers off of the TV screen lol. Some of these also include snips of other Disney XD bumpers and promos though.

Anyways, I don't want this stuff kept all to my self as I see a lot of it is lost to time, if not hard to find. And oh look at that looks like I have a handy little sideblog I never used that's perfect for this! @theninjanomicon (I'll pretty it up later), so over time I'll probably share some of it on there.

Younger me was unfortunately not very thorough in the archiving, so some titles, dates, names, and exactly where I got them from, are missing, but I can give a rough time frame and where I got these from that I can remember. (another reason why I'm doing it! to mark down what I can remember before I forget anymore of it)

I wouldn't be uploading any full episodes for obvious reasons but might upload clips of some of the alternate dubs I have. And yes I have the pilot, which I can't share either but I do have STORYBOARDS from the pilot (which up until this year was our only reference for this "kim possible style" it used to have) which maybe I can share as I got it from the storyboarder's portfolio which was public back when I got it.

I might add some commentaries under a readmore for certain posts to give extra contexts/what I remember being relevant to the piece I post.

Now the hard part is figuring out where to start! What would y'all like to see first?

[arnaerr]

2024 summary

Each year, I want to write some kind of summary, but each year, I get too overwhelmed with the holidays season to do so. This time, I came prepared, so I wrote this text a bit earlier bc I knew that by now I will be a sleepy shrimp.

2024 was one of the toughest years for me, if not the hardest one so far. Dealing with the lay-off and long term unemployment took a hard toll on me and my mental health, but I'm still here despite it all, and I'm still creating. Really happy that I finally managed to find a job and can finally rest from grinding portfolio work and fighting for my life. Somehow this year turned out to be the most productive too. Something-something, strong emotions (even negative ones) are the best fuel for the inspiration.

This year, I focused more on my brushwork so I can bring my ideas to reality faster and avoid hurting my hand more - and I'm quite satisfied with the results, my hand's pain is almost inexistent at this point. Dance classes, crochet, and playing Elden Ring with the controller also helped to gently strengthen my hands so they are better at handling painting for a longer time now. I also tried to make my works more complex and thought through in general, focused more on the storytelling aspect and more interesting composition decisions. Really liked playing around with this stuff and can't wait to experiment even more. For a long time, I thought that my art has value only if it's being realistic and generic in terms of the game industry style. It took me a long time to acknowledge and accept this, as well as the fact how my painting style is a reflection of myself; I'm quite timid and shy in nature, and it also applied to my painting approach, I was always afraid to do bold brushstrokes, going wild with colours, showing my feelings through my art, expressing myself openly. And I feel like this year, I learned to be not afraid of who I am, not to try to hide my impressionistic approach to the painting behind smooth and "proper" brushwork. I'm not trying to fit into the standard anymore; sure, it would make my life easier in terms of finding an art job quicker and being more popular on social media if I had a more generic art style. But it feels so much better to allow myself to be who I am.

Elden Ring obsession was like the breath of the fresh air. For the several times this year, I was so, so close to having a severe art block, to losing myself in commissions & portfolio work, to losing the wonder the act of creation gives me. Elden Ring made me feel very inspired, gave me the courage to try to draw many things I was afraid to draw before; I really enjoy being a part of this fan community, and I've met so many wonderful and talented people throughout last months that it constantly fuels my inspiration; artists, writers, cosplayers, lore enthusiasts. In the last couple of years, I approach my social media profiles like a personal blog of sorts, not focusing on the painting only. And I really enjoyed sharing different sides of my hobbies with you, writing mini essays with the game analysis, and discussing it all in comments in DMs.

I couldn't survive this year without your support, and I'm forever grateful. Every like, reshare, and comment brightens my day. Special thanks to the people who bought my prints, donated, or joined my Patreon - you literally saved me. The fact that I had to rely on social media as the main source of income for so long did some damage to the ways how I view my own art, sometimes I feel too sensitive about numbers and algorithms and start to view my art as a content that has to be popular - I'm slowly but surely try to go away from this and to reconnect with my art once again; I want my art to be even more personal and detached from the popular needs; I need to get weirder.

Sometimes it feels surreal that so many people are interested in me and what I do.

Hoping for gentler times in 2025. Thank you

[finchwingart]

Hi finch! I hope holidays are treating you well :))

As someone who’s already stressed in the whole rushing portfolios for unis, having found an account that posts people venting about jobs in the animation industry it has made me feel pretty discouraged.

If it's not too much of a personal question, are you able to live comfortably with your job? And do you know any insight on how the general conditions of the field are?

hh this is a very hard question to answer tbh ToT it depends on a lot of things and what you prioritise. Remember those accounts that share people venting about work ARE for venting yknow, there are imperfections with every job, though it has been a particularly bad year with cancellations, layoffs, ai etc.

I think most of the time it doesn't pay a ton, but it doesn't pay minimum either. I'm on a fairly comfy wage at the mo, maybe a bit above average for the UK but maybe a bit below average for London, though animation is contract based so it can fluctuate depending on who you work for n what their budget is. LA people seem to get paid loads to me, but the US has a biiig wage gap from the UK so it's hard for me to compare.

If you get into a role that's got less competition and really desirable, like 3D rigging or pipeline developer or something, you'll find it easier to get work and will be able to negotiate more for better pay etc.

There's not a ton of 2D animating left in the US but it exists a lot elsewhere in the world (bc the US has high wages, studios tend to outsource most of the heavy labour like animation) but there's still other roles in 2D such as BG paint, storyboard, design etc.

It's contract based, so very rare that you'll be working in one place for more than 1-2 years. Sometimes contracts are a few months, sometimes longer. Sometimes they're PAYE (they give you payslips and do your taxes for you, paid holidays and sick days) or freelance (you have to invoice for your pay and manage your own taxes, pay-per-day kinda), and the pay can fluctuate depending on those things (like I had a very short contract last year but it paid really decent to compensate for that). This makes things tricky as your earnings can be different month to year, and you may have to move a lot in the beginning to chase work

You have to be good at communicating and work with lots of people a lot of the time, which can be a great thing! You meet so many people n it really feels like a community sometimes. Going to festivals like Annecy really helps

I think lots of other animators have shared their opinions online on youtube and stuff so it's worth having a poke around! I think Toniko Pantoja made a video too, I'd like to make one eventually. I made a 1yr in animation video n would like to make an updated one now that I've been in it 5yrs.

In the end, if you reaaally really love it, love working with other people, and can't think of doing anything else, then you'll be fine!

[no-nic]

im sooo intruiged by the konoha spin-off of that kakasaku au... and also by the actual au tbh. are sasuke+ naruto still in konoha? what role does rin play in konoha's politics? is she a jounin sensei? what was the team minato dynamic like without kakashi? how do sakura and kakashi's lives go? how weird is rin being about interpersonal relationships (if she has any)? and id be interested to hear pretty much anything about this au lol feel free to infodump :3

⭐️ i have. a lot to say ⭐️

point of divergence?

at first i wanted to swap sakumo with a kiri shinobi. then i realized, nothing ever changes. one man doesn't start or stop a war. he didn't change the system. fandom misconception: apparently sakumo gets blamed for a mission that started a war? what are timelines? who said that? i know that when one is writing a fic it's easy to conspiracy-brain this & say something like "root sabotaged the mission" to keep sakumo like... "perfect"? or that danzo for some reason staged his death? we're just adding crimes to the old man's portfolio huh sakumo's kiri existence leads to sakura's parents -- in this they are civilian merchants -- settling in the land of water and having a child earlier. let's say they are originally from around wave. they are fairly shinobi-positive: "our bloodthirsty little girl wants to learn to stab people? okay sweetie :)" ...sakura may or may not have younger siblings (who remain civilians) i'm keeping some fun sakumo & kakashi material to myself for now ^^

topics to explore in the future:

[story] sword legacies, expectations

[meta] girls with big weapons

[meta & story] lack of tragic backstory for sakura

meanwhile in konoha

let's be real, you're here because of rin. some of this is just my unwillingness to derail canon too much. rin follows canon kakashi's path: anbu, maybe a short stint in root, jonin, some more anbu work alongside visible jonin missions, and finally jonin-sensei! she doesn't spend hours staring at the memorial stone; she carries everything on her. she stares at people. all the time. sometimes hidden with genjutsu, sometimes just standing there like a statue. blink goes the sharingan. don't mind her. canon kakashi came to meet his new team late; rin was standing in the (ceiling) corner since early morning

don't worry, she still has terrible identity issues; the shared eyeball stuff really messed her up. "i will see the future through you" but twice. she is team 7 now. there's a monologue about team roles brewing in her head, you can bet edo tensei'd minato will hear it as soon as he leaves the coffin! hiroto (our hyuga oc; born to rage and die) & obito bring major "fuck the clans" energy.

rin sees the aftermath of eyeball politics:

fact: obito voluntarily gave a body part to an allied combatant (who previously lost an eye)

was obito's body his to give away? or does it belong to his village? or his clan?

decision: hiroto can keep the sharingan but he's on thin ice

fact: hiroto later gave the same body part to another allied combatant

fact: rin was part of the original team, obito's other friend, so she's someone who could have received the eye then if the situation was a tiny bit different

suddenly it's all "would obito want rin to have the sharingan?" and "we don't know that", obito's decision is now the law, not hiroto's, so please give it back to the uchiha

thankfully obito's dying words weren't "go be hokage"; she would burn the hat

decision: rin can keep the sharingan but can't even think about gifting it to anyone else, since her original team is gone (and minato doesn't want it)

when the uchiha die, rin's first thought is "who gets to keep the eyeballs?"

(answer: danzo. probably)

rin has a complicated relationship with being a medic. as in, she refuses to be called that anymore. when she meets tsunade it's going to get messy -- whether it's upon waking from the itachi mind torture special or not. “no medic ninja shall ever die until they are the last of their platoon” <- all-consuming Rage 🔥

most of rin's relationships are... weird. people think she's weird; she agrees, but their reasons are so wrong. (someone misunderstanding rin? never seen that before...) however she has a best friend, who deserves a whole separate post. who is it? not that hard to guess, but very hard to describe what they have going on. that relationship is built. they could feature in any "siblings or dating?" game. the answer is obviously neither. (most adult interactions to be fleshed out later)

topics to explore in the future:

[meta & story] seals & flying thunder god jutsu

[story] what to do with a sharingan

[story] Not A Medic

[story] from terrible misunderstandings to mutual character growth

next generation

rin-sensei gets team 7: naruto, sasuke & third character (anime only, so not quite an oc). sakura is very lucky to Not Be There yeah, this too is getting its own post later. not much material yet

#pink tsunami au; the konoha spinoff is taking form

[snoodls]

2024 art year in review ↫

Wow. Here we are again. Long time no see or speak, friends. Hope you have all been doing and keeping well!

This past year has been the strangest and most onerous yet for me yet. I'll get into it a bit in this post but fair warning that I may mention difficult, emotionally charged topics. If you're not in the headspace for that, no worries, you can skip to the other symbol. I'll see you next year.

∵

Art was extremely difficult this year. I really struggled even finding 12 pieces to throw into a collage like this. I tend to keep a steady pace of one medium-largeish, "postable" piece a month, interspersed with little doodles and sketchbook scribbles here and there. Therefore, it's usually fairly straightforward to compile these. I scroll through my digital art folder, pick out the best or my favorite piece I made within each designated month, sometimes sprinkling in mini works or traditional pieces when applicable. This year, I only made about 8 that I would consider posting--some of which are featured, most of which are actually not. Why? Why am I so hard on myself? (A rhetorical question, but one I ask myself every day and have yet to find an answer to.) Online platforms have become a formalized space for me--a "only the polished enter the portfolio" kind of mentality. I can't quite figure out if that is something to wrestle with or listen to. On top of the usual frustrating strain of perfectionism, I haven't felt the desire to post anything at all this year.

This reticence was mostly due to deep and inordinate amounts of interpersonal stress from changes in a community that I loved and had a huge part in building. I grew fearful to be perceived publicly online and to share any part of my art or life. February and March were black holes. I felt alienated from my identity. I didn't know who I was anymore. It got so bad, I was suicidal. Truthfully, the only thing that stopped me was knowing I had to live until April.

In April, thankfully, I went on a massive trip I had been planning with all of my best friends for four years. (vlpn, Kiire, 1ore, I love you so much!!!) I traveled out west to watch the eclipse and go on a road trip to a national park that I have always wanted to see. Better yet, I was surrounded by so much restorative, healing love. I sat on Kiire's warm leather couch soaking in the real, tangible community that I had built, and drew for the first time in ages. Kiire also gave me the most thoughtful gift--a little hand lino cutter and some vinyl squares. We all gathered at her kitchen table, carving away, laughing and sharing stories. Part of me is still in April, I think.

In May, I started a summer-long pottery class (turned residency, let's be real. I lived in the studio.). It was my first time working with real clay, after dabbling with oven-bake polymer clay and play-doh before that. Since it was focused on handbuilding, I didn't get the chance to use the wheel...which I desperately want to do this summer if I'm still in town. However, even if I was only making pinch pots and tiles, I felt myself grow by leaps and bounds as an artist. Not just in technique, but also in the conception. Why am I doing xyz? What does it mean? What does my medium add to my work? I enjoy working with my hands at a physical craft, but I still wrestle with creating stuff. I love physical objects, but have no space for them at the moment.

I lived more in my sketchbook this year, continuing the trend from last year. My former boss gifted me a shitty little 5.5 x 8.5" journal that I've been using as my work sketchbook. It helps keep me sane at my desk, and my creativity muscles exercised, but does not keep me from still drawing on lined notepads...lol. That work sketchbook has truly helped me break even further away from the trapping of art perfectionism. More and more I am embracing the messy, the ugly, the unfinished. I love drawing in ballpoint pen now, and have started Yet Another Sketchbook of pen plein airs. Okay, some pencil doodles here and there. But mostly pen.

Despite having an upward swing mid-year, my world kind of collapsed in on itself September onward. I don't want to go into too much detail about everything, because it's a little personal and frankly, there's too much to go over. From housing precarity, major random trauma-related panic attacks, a natural disaster, nasty people rearing their heads in my life, grief over losing family land, my grandma getting cancer, my job being so soul-crushingly frustrating and about to become much worse in the new year...it's been so much for me to handle. I'm tired, uncertain, quaking from what has and what may be. I'm creeping through the loamy undergrowth towards 2025, trying to drag myself towards what I love. I want to forge a better life for myself; I just want to live again.

Back to art, as all things seem to go--last year I wrote that I wanted to experiment with new mediums and techniques. Good news, bestie, you absolutely did. From linocut to pixel art to markers to to clay!!!, it has definitely been an experimental year at least. In 2025, hm...I think I want to keep at studies and focus on light and depth. I also want to keep up the trend of getting weirder and less literal with my work. I'm interested in trying out some interesting compositions and having patience with myself when stuff is not turning out. Turns out you can put down the pen and pick it back up. I also miss zines and want to make more...and also I want to keep up valuing my creative time and mini projects (like my tarot journal & my media journal).

I did hit some other interesting art milestones this year--I was rejected from some zines and even gallery openings. There's this great song off the new John Craigie live album that especially resonated with me. Listen to the whole song and whole album if you've got time. "If you haven't been failing, you haven't been trying." / "Maybe the cool thing was that even though [Van Gogh] wasn't successful, he still painted, every day, all the time, right up 'till the end. I wondered why. Probably for the same reason I was driving to these coffee shops. 'Cause it felt good to swing." / "As I passed under that sign, I could almost hear the tired voice of Jiffy Lube call down to me. "Oh Johnny. How long must we watch you fail?" And as I raced past into the unknown darkness, I called back, "Oh Jiffy, how long you got? We gon be up for a while."

∵

To close, I've never really done this before, but since I haven't posted much this year, I thought I'd go through everything pictured for some context. This is generally left -> right, top -> bottom...

A panel from my comic for Commander of your Heart zine, featuring Ximone and Sappho. I was also published in 2 others this year; very cool! A tiny doodle of Wideeyes from my mini sketchbook. A gift for my friend's birthday of his cat, Lily. Her muzzle really does look scrunkly like that. Ahku, sweet Ahku, from when I did a challenge to draw with your Least Favorite Brush. I still hate the brush. A linocut stamp I made of Xiyu using the aforementioned supplies. One of many stamps I carved this year.

A piece for Archalyte to gift a character to 1ore. Fletcher, my Wermz NPC and the mascot of the summer event I ran this year. Getting into pixel art! A goofy paintover of a guinea pig featuring Nickle. A study that I did using a tablet in the studio I helped build--my third time ever working with one! I think it came out alright. Work notebook doodles for a self-published zine I'm working on. Copic markers on trading cards, featuring two of my Neopets and a Werm of mine. Ora's was done freehanded with some leftover acrylic paint I had after painting a sculpture. Since this year has sucked so bad, I've been self-soothing in silly ways; namely, spending some time on Neopets and getting wildly back into Pokemon cards / into Battledome cards for the first time. I've been enjoying tiny scene compositions and collecting little art prints.

Daihei for Artfight for 1ore...I did this while on vacation with my family and it was my first digital painting on my computer in months. Tiles from my ceramics class; my first project! I wish I could show my final project, but it does not photograph well. Ceramic coaster I painted with The Archivist. Doodles of The Sphinx and The Archivist I unearthed today. Marker drawing of vlpn's character 6298.

Vent painting from October. Painted sculpture of Starrain. Ink painting of Ahku surrounded by stuff.

Onward, blinking towards the sun...

[technicalknockout]

HEY! I FOUND OK KO CRUMBS!!

I was gonna make a post about it but I cba but still wanted to share it!

So I found Iggy Craig's (one of the storyboard artists for the show) portfolio website, can't really remember how, I go on weird tangents with Google searches sometimes, and it has loads of storyboards and design work of theirs on there. It's really cool early pre-production stuff really appeals to me.

There's a lot of this stuff for the Fionna and Cake episodes and Distant Lands, and OK KO! A lot of the storyboards to look through.

I've seen some animatics for episodes before but the boards here are the much earlier versions of the episodes, and some bits are different and it's really interesting and cool. Especially since I've got lines of the episodes memorised so it's cool to spot the differences.

I haven't looked at everything yet, I don't have the time haha but I looked at the boards for Let's Fight To The End, and there's quite a big difference!

The storyboards detail a longer scene of K.O. being stuck in the subconscious at the start of the episode. I took a couple screenshots.

I really like it. I'm guessing the main reason it was cut was for time. How it was handled in the episode was just a quick version of this.

Also here's a link to the boards Tumblr says the link isn't "complete" so sorry if it doesn't work or doesn't show up just search up Iggy Craig and find their page.

There's also this site called Slideshare.Net which I think all of these boards are being uploaded from, and on that site there's also boards from Ryann Shannon and Danny Ducker. There's the boards from LFTTE where TKO disempowers everyone and they disintegrate instead of lay on the ground. (As well as other episode stuff too)

I don't know how interesting all this really is to people and if it isn't I apologize haha. I just have a fascination with storyboards and animatics for cartoons and paired with OK KO I love it even more.

OH MY GOD THANK YOUUUUU I love these kinds of stuff so much you have no idea how hard im screaming rn.. new ok ko boards auhgjfkgnfjfksnd

Theres something so appealing about storyboards.. I like animated stuff but storyboards!! They're a whole thing!! It's like im looking at the building blocks of an episode!!! Cut storyboards feel like another universe's version of it where different writing decisions were made (imagining lftte as a 40 minute special rn) and spotting lines or scenes that didn't make it into the final product is really interesting. Plus looking at storyboards makes me feel like im a little gremlin digging thru someone's treasure pile and indeed i do giggle annoyingly when i find them

Anyways thanks again for sending me these !!!! youve extended my lifespan by approximately a thousand years

+ no joke i have literally been looking EVERYWHERE for the tko actually murders everyone boards since they mentioned it in the twitter ama. I am eternally in your debt

[truffle-draws-turtles]

Hey tumblr. Are you there? Got a minute? (Or two?)

Just a small wall of text from a freelance artist ⬇️

I know I told some peeps to dedicate my final animation project to the turtles and give it to fandom. As a gift, just like that.

And I would love to do that. Still do.

But here comes the "but":

I decided against it and had a project approved by my lecturer today, which I will use for my portfolio as a “normal” animation artist. It's a great project, it's completely insane because it's highly complex and I'm really looking forward to doing it.

But I feel terrible about it at the same time. And why? Because I love the tmnt and I love this fandom. I love posting stuff and interacting with you guys. I love every reblog and all the crazy tags from you.

Still, I felt like I couldn't risk it with this big project. Because - and here's why - I would have done it so much for you that it would have crushed me emotionally if it got lost in the daily flood of art. If there had been hardly any response.

I'm usually fine with posts of mine just being scrolled on. I draw for myself. You don't have to celebrate my stuff. You don't have to like or reblog anything. You know that. There's no obligation here.

But this animation will take two weeks of work. Two weeks. I've never worked on a piece for more than two DAYS.

I would love to dedicate my job as a freelancer entirely to this rottmnt fandom. I would love to draw and animate dramatic and hot stuff every day.

But this is the shitty part about being an adult: bills

And realizing that my obsession for tmnt is shared by very few. I can't afford to need this fandom too much.

I hate making rational decisions. I hate it so much. But I'll swallow this pill no matter how bitter it tastes.

Thank you for reading this far. Thank you for looking at my pictures, liking and reblogging them! Thank you for supporting me on my Patreon!

Thank you for shouting out your love for four green idiots every day in the tags with me! There aren't many things that make me as happy as drawing the turtles and freaking you out about them! So THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Love and kisses and hugs to you all!

Truffle

[cherivinca]

Since the year is almost over, I wanted to make a small 2023 introspection (as well as talk about 2024 plans...)!

First of all, I hope everyone had a decent year! Mine was... okay. Better than 2022, and I've been feeling better in the latter half, I think, keeping myself busy and studying languages, writing, etc. But basically since graduating back in 2020 I've felt pretty lost (not helped by the pandemic, and the subsequent cost of living...)

In the past year I haven't been posting as much. There's a lot of art I kept to myself this year, and others I've posted on my (very small) personal tumblr blog. It's been harder to feel like it's "worth" posting here, though I hope I can change that

The art industry has felt tremendously shaky this year, and it feels even more bleak for someone who hasn't managed to break in <:( I've been working on my portfolio, and there's still more work to do, but I'm applying for schools this fall; if nothing job-wise comes up, then I will probably go back >< I'm already at a slight disadvantage since I don't live in the provinces that have studios, but I can't afford to move unless I have a job... haha (pain). I don't want to call it giving up, but gaining new skills might be helpful regardless. Even if it becomes a hobby, it might make me feel better 🥲 I never planned to be commission-dependent for so long

Anyway, I booked my first international trip (to Europe!!) this coming March, because I told myself I'd finally do it after getting my passport back in 2019 (expecting to travel after uni.....lol) so I'll be taking on comms primarily to help fund that in the next few months. I need enrichment in my enclosure, badly

I've been writing this year too. I don't know when/if I'll share my story stuff here (maybe related art...?) or not, but we'll see if I ever do anything with it. (It's wlw/fantasy hehe). In general, I hope to feel better about posting here, and maybe start making a small amount of merch!! I've always wanted to try :) And stream more, if I can!

Thank you to everyone who has supported my art this year, whether it's been through likes, rbs, following me, or commissioning me. :* Especially in this past year. I can tell that a lot of people have less disposable income, but I really appreciate people who have commissioned me regardless (which is another reason I worry for the future...)

Here's to more art & cool things in 2024!! And hopefully better times!!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I've had this moment of realization some weeks ago, after I watched Red, White & Royal Blue. I even wrote a bit here and I focused on the genre, on chemistry, the film as an adaption. And then I stumbled on some review or think piece which had its central thesis based on the fact that this film is just another US/Royal imperialist propaganda, wrapped up nicely as a rom-com. And I was dumbfounded because why didn't that thought cross my mind instantly? Of course the ideological frame of analysis is but one, but it's still important. Me from a few years ago would know it. Me from today had to read it someplace else. Around that same time, I saw a teaser for an experimental film on Mubi in which the narrator talked about physical and imaginary borders. And again that terminology made me think of the times in which I could so easily talk about and use concepts related to borders, displacement, belonging, otherness, imperialism/colonialism, all critical paradigms that have now left my vocabulary.

Of course that as years went by, my research focus had shifted as I worked more and more in the area of gender identity (especially women in cinema) and then forms of masculinity (because of Jimin, which is something I haven't told before). And that led to becoming familiar with another set of concepts and adopting a terminology which I had to chance to use it in my posts here on tumblr a lot more than in my academic research in the past 3-4 years.

But what I wanted to say was that when I realized I was blind to the ideology in some Hollywood movie, I felt stupid. I felt like I regressed so much, compared to 22-23 year old me who could so easily juggle with those notions. Where has it gone? Did it disappear completely? Maybe not. I can bring that side of my brain back to life if I only go through some articles briefly. But it doesn't take away the fact that I had lived that moment of realization.

And now that I have distanced myself from the "institution", what's left? Will all my knowledge be stored in some part of my brain and I will forget about it as I move on and do other stuff? Why do I consider that specific type of knowledge as the only smart and relevant component?

And what about fatigue and apathy? And what about those concepts and ideas which belonged to people who no longer have a place, but their presence still lingers because I have assimilated their ideas? Years later and I still believe and use words and concepts that were not initially mine, but I can't get rid of them because I made them mine in the process?

There's always been this inner conflict as to what's the purpose of research. I don't know which is my voice and which is the other one with more power and influence. Do I think that having my name published is the ultimate purpose? I used to (I was being told), but when it happened, I felt no joy. I felt more relieved that it was finally over after months and years of work.

But then I stay up for days and I do stuff on my own and I finally write essays with no outside pressure and I come and post them here. And in those moments I'm happy. I'm also happy not for the likes and reblogs, but when I see other people commenting or sending asks in which they share their thoughts. And no one knows who I am and I don't get any recognition and none if it goes into some portfolio. And I'm happy. And then I get reminded that I was told about the democratization of research as well, of how it should reach more people, instead of getting locked up behind paywalls and that sharing the knowledge is the most important thing. And I believed it 10 years ago and I believe it now. And then I have to be confronted with the fact that such type of writing doesn't really have a place in a fandom that places a lot more stock on other type of participation.

Contradictory ideas coming from the same source which are fighting in my brain. And are part of me, whether I like it or not.

[ungoliantschilde]

Hi @ungoliantschilde, I was hoping to get some info regarding your previous posts about the Sibyla Portfolio by Barry WIndsor-Smith. (https://www.tumblr.com/ungoliantschilde/182010872309/the-sibyla-portfolio-by-barry-windsor-smith) One of the images you posted about is featured in the art exhibition "TImeless Mucha: The Magic of Line." That artwork is Plate I of the portfolio, representing Gaia. I'm doing research on it, and stumbled upon your post. I'm curious if you could tell me the origin of where you found the different iterations of the work. You have the original pencils, the advertisement of the portfolio, the plates themselves, and even a restaurant advertisement from Windsor-Smith's area. All amazing stuff! But I can't seem to find a source of these images outside of our post. All roads lead to you! Would you be willing to share with my your source on this information? Thank you very much for your time and consideration. All the best, Austin

Hi Austin!

Thanks for the ask, and I’ll do my best to be as helpful as possible.

OK, first of all, I am a massive fan of artwork and illustration, and I have been active on Tumblr doing my thing since -I think- 2013 or 2014.

I have been at this for a while.

If you are not already aware of it, comicartfans.com is an absolutely indispensable resource for this kind of stuff.

I also suggest poking around the links on that page, and you’ll find things like the Heritage Auctions homesite, which requires membership but is absolutely worth it.

Next, try straight up going on Google dives. I am not trying to be facetious, I have been at this for a long long time and I frequently get sent messages about the quality and breadth of what I post. Because I do a LOT of research on it. Consequently, when I post images on this site, I give as much accreditation to the original artists as I can.

I truly and honestly don’t remember *exactly* where I found the images you are talking about. I found them by searching blogspot posts, image searches based on thumbnails, sometimes I even scan images from own copies of stuff.

I think the restaurant menu image was posted somewhere on his website, and then I resized it.

I am pretty sure the pencils for the cover were reprinted in his artistic retrospective books, Opus Volumes 1 & 2.

Opus 1 & Opus 2 are available and are an absolute treat for fans like me. Given the prices, I’d try poking around comic shops and conventions too.

Through his website, I have managed to get occasional replies from his partner and studio manager, Margaret. Barry has been kind enough to sign most of the stuff of his that I own. Barry is not the most sociable of guys from his era, and he does not much care for doing convention appearances and so forth. I’d suggest buying some of his prints and then asking a polite question or two. If you send him an email and don’t get a response, that’s his answer. That’s just kind of how he operates.

He was and still is revered as one of the true masters of comic book artwork. Even when he was producing comics, it was always at his own pace and done in the way he wanted. In truth, a lot of the interview questions and details about his process and thinking have been published in various books. He had a health scare several years ago, and he always preferred to think of himself as a fine artist and not a comic book illustrator or a cartoonist. So, my suggestion on contacting his studio remains: I would suggest buying one of his prints, and then asking a question or two in an email. You may or may not get a response. Have fun!

Best,

John.

Oh, and PS:

search my tags for

“Barry Windsor-Smith Portfolio” or whatever.

I use the tags RELENTLESSLY.

[chogiwow]

dude so i saw ur reply last night but i was in desperate need of sleep but also didn't sleep bc i was just engrossed in a book IVDSNS BUT this morning i opened up my inbox and couldnt find ur reply and was so confused and as i continued to be unable to find it in my inbox i got sadder and then i realised im stupid bc the reply wouldn't be in my inbox 🧍‍♂️anyways semi-long reply sorry hehe (semi-long bc ive defs sent longer ones)

ahh i see i see @ substack. reminds me of medium, which i've come across before... i did debate exploring medium as another writing platform, but never got around to it vsjnvks so its nice that u bring substack to my attention bc now i can compare 🤩 well. maybe not now now but yknow. whenever i decide to/can get around to it NVJDKNSK

100% agree w and have had the same thoughts as you about fics/continuing to write/the pub industry (which i really should give much more thought to, given that one of my degrees is in writing🧍‍♂️) and yeah no it DOES serve as a good incentive to build a portfolio (if anyone asked me for a portfolio, i would simply hand over my uni work bc i have nothing else rn LMAO) but tbh i think even if it is a hobby, it's a good way to kinda explore and set your ??? idk like foundations or whatever so you get an idea of what you wanna write about and if you actually wanna take it seriously (which isn't to say you aren't - we can 100% take hobbies seriously - just that different contexts/intents would call for different. things. wow i love words.)

and also related but unrelated, i think its fun/nice to. uh. idk how to say it but for us (as in literally you and me, but also other mutuals and people in fandom who made friends in the context of fandom) to see eachother write or talk about things outside of the uniting factor or common denominator or whatever? though yeah that does kinda potentially extend the relationship beyond what some people are comfy w. i'm kinda just rambling rn sorry AHHA

OH BUT BUT sorry back to the publishing/career thing. Even if you don't use the substack writings for like. writing/publishing careers, it can still help with other career things? like, you run a blog and hav experience writing about diverse topics, communicating ideas etcetc. so no losses 🤩

do not feel guilty about the chan fic 🙂‍↔️ yes i love/d it and i think about it and yes i would love to read more BUT im so happy to have just been eble to experience it at all. i hope you've never felt pressured by my responses to it KNVDSKJNVDSK sincerest of apologies if you have.

tbh i havent been up to much, i don't think. shits kinda hit the fan tbh but i'm hoping (always hoping) the only other place for the shit to go is down, now. (ie. i hope this is the part where things start getting easier etc). it is what it is, even if it shouldn't be, and we'll somehow get through it because. well, we have so far, right? BUT ANYWAYS

"anything you wanna yap about-" BOY do i have things to yap about. that book^^ i was so engrossed in? jesus CHRIST i sent my friend 10mins worth of voicemsgs JNCDKSNDSK (it may have been 10mins because i simply i can't articulate properly and kept repeating myself and going off on tangents.. but it probably would have been 10mins anyways if i'd planned and scripted it all before hand anyways. it was only 10mins because i got tired and realised i should probably see how much ive spammed 💀) ("kat... 10 whole minutes? 😭" babes thats not even the worst of it-)

i also like to 'yap' about the stuff i learn in class (my other degree/major is in media and cultural studies) and i just 🤩 have so much to say about some things that i find so so interesting but me talking as much as i do/want to is also just. i find it interesting and really wanna share and talk about it KJNVDSKJVNSK so like yeah, to bring this full circle, is why i've vaguely thought about using medium/substack,,, tbh i thought about just making a sideblog here AHAHA but i cant take myself on tumblr seriously LOL + 'fresh' start on new platform sounds neat mhm mhm but also hehehe (evil) maybe instead of spamming my friend about stuff, i can just write blog posts and she can read it whenever hMMMM thinking thinking,,,

anyways 🧍‍♂️sorry, i was expectin this to be long but it ended up longer than i thought it would HAHA wait no im rereading my ask/reply rn and substack just sounds great bc i can do informal reviews about things i've watched/read aswell AHHHH and yeah like just ??? more personal though explorations/'journaling' kinda vibes as well? HMMM AND and even mini writing pieces--- i literally do not have the time to be considering this rn but here i am wHOOPS okay i'll stop now before this gets even longer 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

hi katttt, i'm so sorry for the late reply :'D apparently i'm in the phase of my life where i can only type out articulated replies on my laptop and not my phone, also week's been sooo hectic i hate being a corporate slave fml <3

lmfao not you tryna find my reply in your inbox sdjskd all's good tho hehe :3ooh medium is ... something, i couldn't really figure it out all that well and also the few times i've tried to read on medium, it's asked me to subsribe or sign up to continue to read? and i just don't ... vibe with that lol

yes yes, tryna write about real life stuff really makes me pause once in a while and just think (?) it through bc writing fiction is gen easier than trying to string together the raw ideas relating irl issues/stuff (for me at least). like it really makes me stop midway and rethink my choice of phrasing stuff or even putting forward an opinion thinking about how its gonna make people percieve me? well, not that its not sumn that doesn't apply to fiction as well bc i kinda think that the way one writes always just brings about some sort of perception of their character and personal views through their words, no matter how subtle ... am i making sense? but fictional writing just lets you cloak it into a 'what-if' situation where any judgement of your story/character(s) is not a direct discernment of your personal opinions whereas talking about irl stuff always comes with that concious load of having your opinions/thoughts being obligated to a verdict (positive/negative/both).

so anywayyy sjhdj, yes it's fun to just write and pursue as a hobby bc its fun communiatingideas and realise that it might not be all that irrelevant as you thought haha :>

and noooo, i absolutely love love LOVE reading yout tags on my fics, like i legit go back to my old writings and read the rb tags and it always makes me so happy :( i do want to continue writing fiction bc its always been a comfort to me to be able to weave stories my way, but i suppose everything has its own time to unfold and settle ... sometimes inspiration hits so bad but the will to write it out is just not there :/ but anyway ! i'm glad that you've enjoyed my writing so far <3

yeah, things don't don't need to work out all the time. i'm realising this the hard way, through adulting. really makes me wanna go back and give my younger self a good whooping on the ass to have ever wanted to grow up fast so desperately. but yeah, hope your shit works out man (✿◡‿◡)

lmaoooo no bc ! its so fun to just simply yap about stuff , that's like writing but ... verbally ,,, you could litch rally make a yap blog and i'd read it alllllll :3 also what book is this, drop the nameeeee :'D no but like i get you not being able to take tumblr seriously bc i was like ! i can't talk about this shit on tumblr ! tumblr's supposed to be for my clownery ! all the grownup stuff needs a different platform altogether sjsdksjd but if you ever consider making a blog, i think i'll read it fo the vibes itself. and the words ofc and opinions and stuff. like that's important too gaaaahhhhh what i'm saying is ,, i think you'd make a really amusing and entertaining blog - in a good way !!

anyway ! i think i needed a medium to unscramble the crap in my brain so the blog served well (even though it was an impulsive decision lol) but yeah ! go for it, you won't regret it. nobody really gaf's in the beginning, like readership is low babes, unless you have friends who will actively read your shit but that's a big comfort to me lololol. not sicouraging you in anyway, but its a point to consider if you're looking for a chill sesh with your own writing haha <3

[jaderimehardt]

👋🏻 So, I ended up not drawing anything for that character's birthday.

I did think of a pose about a day and a half ago but that isn't enough time for me to actually get anything drawn out and colored. I'm too slow and I set myself to too high of standards. Plus factor in irl things and my lack of motivation... 🫠 *shakes head*

If I feel bad about it, it's for a couple of mutuals who like him as much as I do, or more- even. I've kind of grown super attached to a certain B🔹L🔹E🔹A🔹C🔹H boi, to be completely honest with you (I'm bypassing the tagging system with the 🔹's).

They still draw him every year on his birthday, and one even bi-weekly almost. She has supported me every time I draw him by re-tweeting my artwork on Twitter. Probably the only person who acknowledges me like this on a regular basis. The other person supports me also on a bit of a lesser scale, and she draws him often too, but I think she struggles with confidence in her art like I do.

It's not an easy thing... "having confidence" in one's own art. And when you don't see likes or favorites on your art, that confidence drops tremendously. You feel like you've done something wrong. You try to figure out 'what' you did wrong, and when you can't find it- you just want to give up. It's a sinking feeling.

But inevitably most artists pick up the pen or pencil again and draw once more because it's something we love to do. The thing is, this time we're less likely to share it because of that lack of confidence. This is what has been happening to me slowly over the past couple of years (and to a couple friends of mine as well).

People don't seem to realize this.

"Where did all the fanart go?"

Well, you all got so picky with favoriting things, they lost motivation and stopped posting. What did you expect?

If and when I post things, I have a fear of tagging it. 💠 Well if you don't tag it, no one is going to see it- and then you really won't get likes/faves. ⚜️ Yeah no kidding. but then I have a logical reason for WHY no one likes it. Like Twitter, I get under 10-30 impressions on most my posts even with tags. At the very least if it's posted, it's on record/in my portfolio of sorts. It exists in my history somewhere.

I removed all of my stuff off of my DeviantArt a couple years ago. Now I'm sure when I post things people question if I'm genuine or not because they have no history to look at- no 'portfolio'. Though if they went to my Wordpress Blog, they'd see that I've been drawing and posting my stuff for a long time. But no one is going to go and look into me that far in-depth. "Guilty until proven innocent" means nothing when all they want to do is prove you guilty.

That makes me even more hesitant to post things- but I do have all my PSDs with individual layers, so I can always provide proof whenever necessary. And I know where my posts are, with timestamps and dates. I can defend myself. That's all that matters to me.

I made this blog to "be more creatively unhinged" and to "be ramble-y". That includes putting my thoughts out into the open, "having proof on paper", so to speak.

I also want to show people the path that I'm taking, so if they're interested in taking it- they can. But everyone learns differently. Everyone has a different style. I may absorb information one way and apply it in this manner, while someone else may learn it in a completely different way and apply it in a polar opposite format. It's all a matter of who you are, perspective and variables.

So... one day (or a string of days), I'll post a bunch of videos. I did this a few days ago actually, lol. These are learning tools. Other days I may make tutorials (I used to make a lot of these but then I deleted that blog). Some days I'll promote my Etsy shop (this might happen the most, tbh)- featuring a lot of my Resin things, and graphics I'm working on. And on rare occasion some fanart because I'm at the lowest of low with that atm.

If I do anything fanart I'm thinking my OC's... 🤷🏻‍♀️. People dislike OCs, I'm aware of that but it's not like many people (if any) like my stuff anyways. They say to draw for self-satisfaction. I think it's time to follow that.

And I 💓 H🔹I🔹T🔹S🔹U to death, but his hecking fluffy hair man 🫠. I did my best with his hair in my last fanart- spent hours perfecting the lineart... honestly I was so proud of it. But apparently it wasn't everyone's cup of tea 🤷🏻‍♀️. It is what it is. (I'm still happy with it. I love his hair, please never change it Kubo-san 💝)

I might doodle a lot of the Loomis Method heads cause I like drawing faces. Poses/bodies not so much. In time I'll work my way to the poses but I just want to mindlessly doodle. (I hate drawing hands 😒)

Btw here's another vid on that, and I like this one so much better.

I also want & need to do a full graphic image for a puzzle. My Mom and my Step Dad are really big into puzzles right now and they're just passing them around with all their friends. Like some puzzle group, lol 😅

I think it'd be cool to actually design one myself, buy it from my Partner- Printful, gift it to them, they can complete it and then they can pass it around.

Mother's Day and Father's Day isn't that far away. I just have no clue what to make the graphic, lol. All the things they like are copyright and I'm not crossing into those waters.

I need to find something generic 🤔💭

[idleglowingpixels]

Can't remember if I said this already or not, but I finished the drawing I had made, I'm just nervous about posting it XD Bianca's not really in Ch. 6 outside of the beginning if memory serves me right, so it doesn't exactly fit with the chapter but I might release it with the next update anyway

Incoming ramble, only adding the Keep Reading thing so this long post doesn't clutter my blog as you scroll haha, it's kind of an XXY mini-update but also just a blog update in general

I think my main thing is that initially, I wanted to keep my Tumblr & AO3 separate from my main accounts but my art style would very clearly give me away if you happened to find my main username. But at the same time I also...Don't really care??? Like I'm a very passionate person about the things I make, and while it may be seen as cringe or some stupid shit, without fanfiction, fan art and just fan work in general I would NOT be nearly as good at most of what I do as I am now. Fandom over the years has brought me a LOT of like, unruly mess, but it has also brought me so far along on my creative journey.

In fact, the only reason my username here & on AO3 is different is because I had felt a sense of like shame in it at first ig, especially since I started on AO3 posting XXY at 17 and wanted to be able to abandon the account if I felt the need to. (Don't worry, I no longer feel that need, I wouldn't have made a Tumblr blog for my fics if I did)

But now I'm the furthest into XXY than I ever have been, and Ik the pacing has been relatively slow (we've progressed a grand total of like...3 days within the span of 5 chapters XD) but a lot goes on in the beginning and dynamics are re-established for the characters and the Teen AU thing -- point is, I'm proud of how much work I've put in and with I believe a 22k word count by the time Chapter 7 drops, that's already a lot of work I'm proud of for me.

Also since G3's release last year I've been working on releasing my Monster High AU character designs around this October/November (1 each day for a total of I think 33? Cause Jackson & Holt and Meowlody & Purrsephone were gonna have their designs posted together, I have to double check my list), along with a few one-shots if I ever find time to get around to them, and those designs do NOT take a short amount of time for me to complete so I was gonna be like "idgaf" either way eventually XD

Thing is I like both of my usernames so instead of altering all of my accounts to one or the other, my main will be where I'm more professional and focusing more on developing a portfolio of completed works, whereas here I'll just be a little more unhinged lmao

Might make an alt Instagram to match this account so I can focus my fanfics and art and stuff over to that account XD But idk

Now enough about me and my self-reflections, here's what to expect next month:

Chapter 6 is looking just fine for release on July 7th, I'm feeling pretty good about it (probably because it's Butch's POV haha) and I'm excited for his and Buttercup's dynamic to really be shown off since Chapter 3 didn't have them around each other much. I've got an event to attend tonight and a couple of things to do tomorrow but I should be able to give Chapter 6 the usual final edit on Sunday.

Like I said before, I'll probably share my Bianca & Barbara drawing on the Chapter Update post and I'm hoping I'll have a drawing of our 6 leads by the time Chapter 7 rolls around. I've been very much in an art mood lately so it's been taking up a lot of my time, and I've also felt really rejuvenated by drawing to get back to writing little by little.

Also before you ask, unfortunately I might have an update gap between Chapters 7 & 8, as my writing has been very slow over the last 3 or so months. I do apologize for that, but I hope you understand. The last few months have been a lot on me to say the least, but I love sharing XXY with you all, and I just really enjoy seeing emails from AO3 when I check it pretty much every morning. I'm so happy to have others enjoy my work. That being said, I'll do my best to make the gap as small as possible, and hopefully I'll only have to skip a month or something.

Thanks for reading my rambles, and as always, the link to XXY is in my introduction post.

[snoodls]

2023 art retrospective! ✨

I can't believe I'm writing one of these again already; where did this year go??

Looking back on this past year, wow! I can see and feel my confidence with my art growing tremendously. Finally it feels like I'm comfortable with tools and the process. I'm not totally lost when I open a canvas; there's a sense of reassurance that I can do it, and if I can't, I will figure it out along the way. 

Overall, finding time, space, and energy for art proves to be both exceedingly difficult and yet the only thing that I want to do when I get home. I know logically this is mostly because of my job--new office, new boss, new responsibilities, new position--and a few huge life transitions, but when you're someone who makes things who is not making things, it can be rough seas in the brain soup.

I think a major theme for this year was getting back into creative habits. It's an annual tradition at this point to nosedive into an artist's block death spiral. February into March into April...were all lean months for my creativity. Intense job/interpersonal stuff plus news of two of my big art inspirations both suddenly dying...the world hit me hard in these months.

I owe a lot to Lynda Barry's Making Comics for giving me my spark back and for helping to heal a part of me that I didn't realize was so broken and bruised. I remember when I picked the book up around my birthday; the cashier said the book made her cry and I didn't understand. I asked why, and she said "It's just healing." I was skeptical, but now I get it. I've been observing more, giving more credence to my creativity, and being less afraid of making a "bad" drawing.

Now I've been focusing on creating portfolio pieces that I'm proud of and happy to display in my space, as well as finally getting around to my hoard of accumulated characters. I've been picking away at my personal site and uploading much more to toyhouse to keep track of them all.

The last month or so has been completely consumed by making gifts, meeting deadlines, finishing owed art, continuing special projects 👀...so I haven't had much of a presence here. I've been doing lots of traditional art--getting back into acrylic painting and hopefully back into oils soon. I started pine needle basket weaving and have made 2.25 baskets so far! it's a long, tedious, menial process, but it's so satisfying to have something physical (and functional) that you've worked on for hours. I've also been living in my sketchbook the past week--practicing with pens, markers, and practicing itself. I've been conditioned to have the sketchbook be a precious space, and I am trying my best to break out of that. If you want to see some of my traditional sketches and offline stuff, I made a little collage for this year's picks too. ↬ sketchbook 2023

I think for next year I'd like to continue finding better balances--in how I spend my time, how I can spend my time...and to continue pushing myself out of my comfort zone with experiments and messiness. I want to continue being creative in so many more mediums--more film photography and video, hopefully!

In my sketchbook I wrote this meandering paragraph that I want to share: this is a living document--of breath, of movement, not of polished stasis. I reject capitalistic notions of being "industrious" "beautiful" "marketable" "pristine" and on public display at all times. I am not a product to be consumed; neither is my work. I embrace the messy, the incomplete, and the ugly. I refuse to tailor myself to an unseen audience. We thirst for the drafts, the brushstrokes, the incomplete works of the famous. Is this because, in our minds, this makes them more human? Less untouchably great? Or do we see ourselves in the struggles and not in the finished pieces? How charitable is that reading? What I would give to see my inspirations' marker streaks, their 12yo sparkledogs. Framing these byproducts--there's that word again--as art reframes them, reframes myself. To be human is to mark-make, to scribble in the dirt. I hear they reconstruct civilizations from stuff like that.

All my best to you & yours, and happy new year!

art featured: garden ghost | Vagabonds - Aqua Fria River | 6040 elk? | i'll still be around | blue sky | umm hihihi omg hi ...? | porcelain | nothing to remember | Lacquer | river bed-time

[astrodrawsturtles]

A concept page for the TMNT New World Mutants comic

May or may not come back to this project ¯_(ツ)_/¯