#icb she did it... his first human

[bamboozledbird]

his eyes, his mouth // stiles stilinski imagine

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Void!Stiles, fem!reader (she/her pronouns) Pairing: not actually unrequited Stiles x fem!reader Word Count: 2.5k Warnings: canon typical gore/violence, choking, non-con touching/kissing (nothing worse than the show), emetophobia (mentions, no details)  Tags: author is horny for classic lit and bad at titles and it shows Summary: Reader accepts Void's invitation to play even though she knows she's already lost. A/N: I'm on my teen wolf bullshit again icb. This is a rewrite of an old work of mine from 2014, and I did it for entirely selfish purposes. I need Void now, and my other work is in s1 smh.

The first time she saw brown eyes it was in her mother’s face, skin glistening with the sweat of labor and the adoration of motherhood. For a long time, she thought she’d never see eyes that full of feeling again—like a never-ending tree ring, like reeds taking root—and then, in the second grade, she met a boy with the round, brown eyes of a fawn. She helped him read without skipping over lines, he helped her make sense of fractions, and she stared at his eyes until it was time to go home. Over the years, she memorized every crack of amber and drizzle of honey until the sky was just a cloak of him, him, him. 

It was the eyes that gave Void away. He could replicate Stiles’s smile, the curl of his smirk, the pucker of his confusion—but the eyes. He couldn’t quite hide the hollowness, even when her own were shut tight.

She kept them closed now. Under the starless sky, she could only make out the vague shapes of deadening trees; it was easier to follow the ink-dipped path with her hands. Her fingers brushed against damp moss and sticky bark until she stumbled over a loose rock. The stone rolled into something solid, and the resounding thud sent her heart into her throat. Everything seemed to be a little more than it was out here in the dark—the shapes bigger, the sounds louder, the fear thicker—everything except for her. Like this, she was a scared little girl. Frantic. Small. Alone. 

She didn’t realize quite how small she was until she was enveloped with darkness, how small and how pathetically human—but here she was anyway: alone in the woods, blinded by the darkness of early morning, on her merry way to meet an immortal psychopath with an entire Japanese spirit army at his disposal. All this, simply because he told her to.

She’d known the text was from Stiles’s number before she even pulled her phone out from under her sleep-rumpled pillow. She knew because it was three in the morning. It seemed like he only ever needed her at three or five in the morning, and yet she always, always answered. She’d realized quickly, however, that this time it was Stiles’s number but it wasn’t his message. 

< Stiles 🤓☝️: > 

I know you always found Stiles so easily, but why don’t we see who’s the better hider? I’ll play fair this time, cross Stiles’s heart. I’ll even give you a hint:  The cock crew, The sky was blue: The bells in heaven Were striking eleven. ‘Tis time for this poor soul To go to heaven. In case you’re thinking about not showing up, you should probably know the consequences. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, if you don’t come out and play with me, I’ll have to take out one of your pieces, and your family is just so deliciously human. I’m afraid it would be permanent. 

The riddle wasn’t actually a riddle, and that was the entire point: both the author’s and Void’s. The only reason she knew the answer was because she loved James Joyce. Stiles knew that, so, of course, Void did too. He also knew that she’d know exactly which holly bush to stumble towards in the dark.

She reached the perimeter of a small clearing; the smell of pine and earth layered over the trickle of a shallow rivulet was achingly familiar. Tilting her head, she inched into the open area, wary of its uncanny resemblance to a stage, and came to a stop in front of a large stump nestled between thickets of holly. Even in the dark, her fingers found the clumsy letters chipped into wood by small, marshmallow-sticky hands. 

He had Stiles’s phone, but he hadn’t bothered with the usual needlessly complex charade. She could only assume that meant that this was the trick and she was the punchline.

“The fox burying his grandmother under a hollybush,” she broke the disquieting silence when the fine hairs on the back of her neck prickled like a rabbit that knew it was about to die. She’d heard a rabbit scream once; nothing ever sounded quite so terrible until she heard Stiles wake up from one of his nightmares. “Clever, but I’m a little young to be your grandma. Aren’t you, like, a zillion years old?” 

The Nogitsune exhaled against the knobs of her spine, his breath revoltingly warm and wet, “You could’ve let me have my dramatic entrance. I ask for so little.”

She pretended that her stomach was not churning and that she was not dying from this, “Sorry, next time a psycho killer asks me out, I’ll know better.” 

He clicked his tongue and slipped his hand over her shoulder, twisting a strand of her hair around his finger in slow, methodical twirls. “You really need to learn to mind your manners, baby; someday that lip of yours is going to get you into trouble,” he chided, mouth resting against the shell of her ear. 

She repressed a shudder and pulled his hand away from her by his wrist. He went surprisingly easy, delicate bones limp in her fingers. For a moment, she just gripped his clammy skin, digging her nails into pale flesh, waiting for him to do something. He didn’t. Void just sighed in her ear and hummed, “I know, baby. It’s just the moon, right? And the stars, and your favorite author in your favorite place with your favorite person—and they say romance is dead.”

It was the audible intake of breath as he smelled the jasmine and honeysuckle in her hair that finally cut through the heady haze swathed around her. She turned around and let go of his arm with a sharp push that sent her stumbling back a few steps. Void narrowed his eyes at her, and his slow smile made her sick, “Did I ruin it? C’mon, I gave you a hint; you tell me what he’d say if he were here.”

 "Is this really why you made me get out of bed at 3:00 am? To roleplay?” she sounded much braver than she felt. 

Void grinned again, all teeth and bad intentions, and she thought of the way Stiles’s eyes looked with his smirk wrapped around her straw as he stole a sip from her cup. It was more vanilla creamer than coffee, and his cheeks had hollowed from the sickening sweetness. She’d wanted to kiss him then for the same reason she wanted to climb on every sculpture that read, ‘look, but do not touch.’ Had that really only been a month ago?

Void slunk forward, agile and lithe like a big cat, and the flash of his smile in the dim light was a scalpel against her throat, “Maybe. Isn’t that why you came to find me in the middle of the night?” He stopped a few inches in front of her and canted his head, “All alone, no wolves or hunters to interrupt us, even though I didn’t tell you to keep it to yourself. You did that all on your own, baby. Such a good girl.” 

His jaw softened slightly, and he rounded his eyes into a twisted mask of pity. He must’ve been able to hear her heart bruising against her ribs; she could feel the echo vibrating her stapes. Her lips parted, but her mouth went cottony when his hand trailed over her collarbone and came to a stop along the slender slope of her throat. “It’s just us now; you can tell me,” his voice was gentle, almost a coo, as his fingers squeezed slightly, thumb pressing into her carotid. “You can pretend it’s him. I won’t mind.” 

“You’d get off on that, huh,” she was horrified to realize that her voice was wet and thick, completely wrecked, like she’d been crying for hours. Void’s eyes, dark and endless, flickered over her face as he sucked in a breath through his teeth—savoring her misery. “Knowing how much I want him—how much I hate you.”

His grip around her neck tightened briefly, but he relaxed his joints after a shallow exhale, struggling to pace himself. Overindulgence, she mused, that was probably his only weakness. “Don’t be like that, baby,” he smoothed his thumb over her pulse and grinned manically when it rabbited under his touch, “you’d get something too, and we both know this is the only way you’re gonna get it.” His wistful sigh stirred the soft hairs framing her face. “The boy doesn’t have much taste, I’m afraid, but I have to admit in this case,” Void’s gaze darted from her panting mouth to her heaving chest as she struggled for meager mouthfuls of air, “it’s worked out splendidly for me.” 

If she could just stop seeing blurry splotches for a moment, maybe she could think of something to do other than gape at him like a fucking fish. At least, she couldn’t quite make out the lines and curves of Stiles’s stolen face like this. He would be so disappointed; the thought struck her in the stomach, and she might have gagged if her trachea had the space for it. He would be so disappointed that she’d been stupid enough to traipse into the forest to play house with a demonic spirit without backup. How? How could you be so fucking stupid? She could hear Stiles screaming at her in her head, almost felt his long fingers pinching her biceps as he tried to shake the stupid out of her. Not how, Stiles. Why. But she could never tell him the why; the why was possibly even more foolish than following the devil in the dark. At the very least, it was infinitely more cliché and endlessly more pathetic.

“I knew you were going to be my favorite.” She felt the words more than she heard them. Void’s dry lips brushed over her cheek, and then he dragged his mouth towards her jaw, more like a taste than a kiss, “I knew you’d be fucking exquisite.” 

Her vision narrowed into pinpricks as his mouth crowded over hers, and with her last grasp of consciousness, she bit down on his lip. Hard. She fell to the ground with the coppery tang of blood on her tongue. Like pennies, she thought faintly as she watched honied amber eyes swim in the night sky, tastes like pennies. 

**************************

When she finally woke up, she immediately wished she hadn’t. Her throat was rubbed raw with pain, and the left side of her body was sore to the bone. She hissed as she accidentally pressed into a blooming bruise just over her hip. It took her a moment to hone in on the ratty velvet couch and concrete floor: Derek’s loft, then. That was good. If she were dead, she would’ve picked just about anywhere else as the backdrop for her afterlife. 

“You’re awake.” Stiles’s voice was flat, but his eyes were his and only his. 

Her fingers skittered away from her skin to grab at the thin blanket draped over her legs, “Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Knock much?”

He didn’t look amused; he didn’t even roll his eyes. She had only seen Stiles well and truly angry a few times in her life and never at her. Heat sparked along her spinal column, and no matter how many times she swallowed her throat stayed dry. 

“Look…” she cleared her throat and bit down on her bottom lip, wincing as pain sliced through the flesh—it was split open. When the hell had that happened? Frowning, she licked away the small trickle of blood from the reopened cut and slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, “I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably, like, five seconds away from laying into me with a hyperbole-heavy lecture, but can you just save it until I’ve taken a few painkillers and iced my fuckin’ knee. Much appresh.” 

“You have no fucking idea what I’m thinking,” his tone was even, almost numb, but his eyes—his eyes gave him away. The amber was molten, and her head swam with the desire to burn in it. 

Her leg jittered. “So,” the heel of her foot tapped against the stone floor, shooting aching jolts up her leg to her slightly swollen kneecap, “you aren’t thinking that I’m at least three levels above Jar Jar on the dumbassery scale? Like, it’s Jar Jar, Nedry, Condiment King, Goku, then me.” Her calf throbbed as she rolled her ankle and then pushed her foot up onto the toe of her muddy sneaker, trying to bounce silently. Stiles clocked it immediately. Of course, he did. It was his move.

Sighing, Stiles knelt down so that he wasn’t looming over her anymore and squeezed her unbruised knee until her foot slowed to a stop. “You know it goes: Nedry, Condiment King, you, Goku, and then Jar Jar," he ended his sentence with his hand hovering a few centimeters above your nose.

“Thank god.” The corner of her mouth wobbled as she tried to smile, “I think I hit my head on the way down, though. Possibly lost a few brain cells.”

Stiles winced, and the couch dipped with his weight as he sat down. His thigh was warm against hers. “Let me see,” he gently parted her hair, long fingers gently searching for any blood or bumps. She couldn't help but notice his mouth when he was this close; it was puffy and pink, most likely from using it as a chew toy while pacing a hole in the floor. She was frozen, paralyzed with wanting.

Her chest stuttered as her breath hitched. “You’re supposed to say somethin’ like, ‘Oh no, you didn’t have that many to begin with,’ or, ‘What will your other one have to fight with now,’” her voice was high and breathy, but she hoped he’d just write it off as pain or being slightly-concussed. 

Stiles managed a weak smile until he accidentally pressed into a tender spot on the side of her head. She sucked in sharply, air whooshing between her teeth, and he immediately reached for her with his other hand. Like it was instinct. Like it was the only thing he knew. Stiles threaded their fingers together and squeezed as he carefully brushed the pad of his thumb over the same spot on her scalp, “There?”

“Mhm,” she was breathless, grateful he was intensely focused on the shallow cut just above her ear so that he couldn't see the wild look in her eyes.

“What did he…” Stiles licked over his teeth, grimacing, and stared at the pronounced veins in his pale wrist, “what did he say when he…had you…like that?” The words sounded painful, like barbed wire raking over his tongue. He couldn’t look at her; she wasn’t sure she wanted him to.

“Oh you know,” she hoped he couldn’t feel her heartbeat where his fingers were pressed against her skull, “the usual maniacal, narcissistic rambling.” She lowered her voice to a gravelly pitch even though it tugged at her bruised windpipe, “‘I’m what killed the dinosaurs. I’m inevitable.’ All the final boss monologuing clichés.” 

Stiles searched her face for something. She smiled a little, and his responding smile was just as small, just as tired, but he seemed satisfied with her expression. He sat back and withdrew his hand from her hair, but he kept his thigh needlessly close to feel the warmth, the blood flow, the undeniable proof that she was here. “He Thanosed you?” Stiles arched a brow and dropped his arm over the back of the couch behind her head—close, but never close enough. Always a few inches away from where she wanted him.

“He did live in your head for a while there,” she sighed softly and drooped a bit into his side, chasing his body heat like a cat, curling in on him like a comma. 

Stiles hummed a little in recognition, drumming his fingers in a soft pitter-patter just behind her shoulder. “And that’s everything? He didn’t…that’s it?” 

She looked over at him. His jaw was tight and so were the tendons in his neck as he bit at his raw cuticles, on the verge of shaking or puking. His cheek fit perfectly in her palm, and she wanted him so badly she might split in two, “That’s it.”

[hotchbian]

criminal minds Q&A (Qs from @/concretemercy on twitter)

who’s your favourite character? hotch, emily and spencer are my big 3 but if i had to choose between them.. i think hotch

which season is your favourite? early seasons >>>>> but more specifically i think season 4! although 3 and 5 are close too, that whole era has some of the most interesting cases and as devastating as it is i love the focus on hotch’s home life both pre and post haley’s death

who (in your opinion) is the most underrated character? i’m not mega attached to any of the characters who filled emily’s place in the seasons she was away but i did rly like kate callahan!! i’m surprised she’s not talked about more, she’s such a cool character imo and her storyline with her niece is also underrated!

who (in your opinion) is the most overrated character? this is a hard one but i think i’d have to say rossi? there’s several reasons why i dislike him a bit compared to other characters but he just felt like quite a step down from gideon and i just feel like his personality and backstory have less substance and are less interesting compared to the others’?

who’s your favourite cast member? SOOO difficult i love them all 😭 i think thomas’s acting skills are seriously underrated, i rly don’t believe many actors can achieve the duality between hotch and david from love and human remains as successfully as thomas does,, equally i loveee paget she’s such a sweet incredible soul 🫶 also bonus: aubrey plaza one of my #1 celeb crushes 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 she plays cat so well 😫

if you could change one thing in a plot what would it be? rossi being canon racist in his youth.. but if we’re talking more major (?) plot points i think maeve’s death - everyone agrees spencer suffers by far the most trauma throughout the years and i think it would’ve been nice for maeve to have survived and for her and spencer’s relationship to have progressed further, just to add a little sprinkle of consistent joy into his life :(

your favourite canonical ship? does garvez count as canon or not.. bc it is in my mind

your favourite non-canonical ship? i’m not much of a shipper i think bc the team feels like such a found-family i cant imagine their relationships to be anything other than platonic but.. i might go niche and say elle x emily (ellily? emme? emelle? idk) bc i think if they ever met emily would have the maddest crush on her lmao (i need them to meet, pls let them meet one day 😫)

favourite episode? again crazy difficult but i have to say 100.. literally not a day goes by where i don’t think about that episode, it’s television and acting perfection (thomas being the most talented actor ever strikes again) bonus #2: seven seconds (the one where the aunt is the unsub of the girl that goes missing in the mall) is also perfection, the tension throughout it is insane, i could write essays about it

favourite quote? the scene where hotch and will are talking about a victim who was the will’s closeted co-worker and will says “icb he flew hundred of miles to be someone else” and hotch replies “no he flew hundreds of miles to be himself” 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 hotch my little ally

why did you start watching the show? one of my school friends loved it and convinced me to watch it bc a family friend had given us her prime video log in but i only got through season 1 until i got logged out so i went two years without watching it until i subscribed to disney+ at the start of this year and picked up where i left off

have you watched criminal minds more than once? i finished my first watch-through a month ago and i went straight into rewatching it all the next day! so i’m currently at s3 on my first rewatch :)

what is the most heartbreaking scene from the show? the entirety of 100 is the obvious answer for me but also when derek faces his abuser (both times) and ofc “he was alive yesterday?”.. mgg your directing destroys me

favourite scene? too many.. any moments between hotch and jack, jj’s wedding, emily’s return from death, derek telling spencer that hank’s middle name is spencer ❤️‍🩹

when did you start watching the show? watched s1 in late 2020/early 2021, had a two year break and picked it back up in early 2023

favourite cast photo? my bffs 🤭

17. have you watched the spin offs? cm: evolution (if that counts as a spin off?) yes, the others no, i was planning on watching beyond borders but it’s not top of my watchlist priorities

18. who’s the best unsub? cat.. i feel so evil for loving her (that’s just what aubrey plaza does to me ig)

19. what was the most terrifying case? the only case i’ve been so genuinely scared of i’ve had to look away from my screen is the capilanos (the mgg directed killer clown episode), but i also love that ep bc spencer mentions a village near my hometown lmao

20. whose death was the hardest to watch? haley’s ofc and maeve’s

21. is there a character you can’t stand? when he was first introduced i didn’t like will and i was like.. why would jj like him of all ppl (i think i just found his accent and bad flirting annoying 😭) BUT i love them together now, they’re rly cute especially in s16

this took way longer than i expected 😭

[spelltorn]

𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑷𝒀  𝑶𝑵𝑬  𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑹,  𝑵𝑶𝑿 !     (   day  two :   six  characters .   )

↳     i  can’t  reiterate  this  any  more  than  rachel  or  cherry  or  maeve  already  have  ,  but  it  was  so  hard  to  narrow  this  down  ,  and  at  the  end  of  the  day  ,  it  almost  became  a  love  letter  to  all  of  you .     nox  is  SUCH  an  amazing  space  and  all  of  y’all  are  incredible  and  talented  and  i’m  so  ,  so  glad  to  have  been  able  to  be  part  of  it  for  the  last  six   (  how  has  it  been  ??  six  ??  )   months .     so  let’s  rock  n  roll  -

𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚎  𝚣𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚗𝚒     (   @ofzvbini   )     -     mozz. listen. LISTEN. every day that i see a blaise post on the dash i gain three years on my life. i could write a thesis on why your blaise (and luna......and ofc even eulalia........) is hands down the most well - written and well - crafted portrayal i’ve ever gotten to write alongside. blaise is one of those characters in canon that we really didn’t get to see much of (even what we DID see, death to the author baby), and you’ve fleshed him out into such a nuanced and compelling character. there’s this casual elegance that comes with every word you write about him that i’ve never felt before in someone’s writing. maybe i’m easily charmed or maybe blaise is just ridiculously charismatic, idk, but i’m so sucked in with the lyricism of the narrative you’ve crafted for him. it’s beautiful and layered and so, so entertaining to follow along with.

𝚊𝚟𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗  𝚋𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚛     (   @avalcn   )     -     alyssa, my love for u and lonnie knows NO bounds. i was so excited when i saw you had come back and brought her with you  -  watching as you weave her into the fabric of the nox canon and the hp universe as a whole is fascinating and fun and so ? fresh ? for lack of a better word. i always have so much fun talking and plotting with you because avalon is a character that really gripped me from the start. she feels like she belongs here and is really just a fun character to continually be learning more and more about. i also feel obligated to mention how much i love the ron and avalon dynamic here  -  after we first talked about them it really just sort of felt natural and integral to him as a character following the second war that avalon was also there. it’s so easy to bounce off of you and them and the unique feel of avalon  -  i’m so excited to be able to write more with her!!

𝚗𝚒𝚔𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚒  𝚔𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚏     (   @monstrovs​   )     -     you know how i told you a couple weeks ago that the one year anniversary would be me turning into a rachel lovebot? yeah. consider this part one. you have no idea how hard it was to choose just one of your characters  -  it got to the point where i had to consider the day three prompt and where else i could shower you with my undying love and affection, because honestly, i’m obsessed with every single one of your characters. 

niko, however, is one of those characters that i regularly forget isn’t plucked directly from canon. there’s so much humor to him as a concept and the way you write about him, but every reply never ceases to make me more and more intrigued by his characterization. he’s genuinely such a fascinating character to learn more about, and is unlike any i’ve been lucky enough to write against  -  he, like the rest of your characters, just feels so real. there’s a rawness to the karkaroffs that feels uniquely human, despite the total fuckin memeing about them. your narrative for niko is so clever and gritty and captivating; he, and the karkaroffs, are just incomparable.

anyway have it on the record that i love this unhinged bastard and i love u

𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎  𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛     (   @dolors   )     -     the love in my heart for you and all your chars........unbound. your talent? amazes me every day? it’s ridiculous. it was so hard to choose between lucius and hermione for this, but i am nothing if not a hermione granger stan, and i’m never over the amount of care you’ve put into your portrayal. hermione is such a grounded and flawed character  -  sometimes it can be easy to reduce the core book characters into their most basic tropes, but the way you write her only continues to build and flesh hermione out into something far beyond what canon could have ever accomplished. you capture her in a way that just brings her to life  -  all of her vibrancy and wit and blunt edges and strength, as well as the twinge of sadness that runs as a sort of undercurrent to everything she’s gone through. your voice for hermione feels natural in the way that writing does for people who clearly just love a character; it’s lyrical and distinct, and so so beautiful to read. not only that, but i find it incredibly easy to bounce off of and reply to; threads with hermione (any of your characters, really), are often some of the most effortless for me to feel inspired by and start cranking out responses for. every thread i have with you always pushes me and inspires me in a way that feels so unique to you and nox. moral of the story is that i love all of your characters and your big brain and i can’t wait to see what else we come up with as nox goes on!!!

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚎  𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚢     (   @dragonw   )     -     charlie......charlie weasley if ur reading this im free on thursday. pls respond and then hang out with me on thursday when i am free  -

bee, the way you’ve taken charlie and turned them into so much more than what was given in canon is unmatched. i could write sonnets on how much i love this family, and all three of your characters, but there’s something about charlie that i really have a soft spot for. charlie as a character is so fuckin cool  -  the epitome of the rad older sibling we all deserve, tbf. but you’ve also turned them into a flawed, compelling human being that leaps out of every reply you write. the weasleys have gone through so much, and i love seeing the way that impacts and shines through in your writing  -  there’s this warmth and liveliness that emanates from charlie, and the thread of anxiety and regret that’s interwoven so well alongside it is so lovely to read. 

𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜     (   @pclearwaters   )     -     vicky. vicky!!! i could write essays forever on why i love each and every one of your characters. having me root for dudley dursley? the way you’ve integrated him into the wizarding world? icb how big your brain has to be to accomplish everything you have with him. and alicia? alicia spinnet could punch me in the face and i would thank her. but instead of going wax poetic on them, i’m going to cheat a lil bit by talking abt tempest AND penny. you’ve taken a character that’s given so little in canon, and developed them into something larger than life and wildly fun to keep up with. the entire family sucked me in  -  their death eater ties. penny defecting. tempest’s history and personality like nature in all of its extremes. the relationship between the two of them. everything in between  -  i have no words for how in awe i am of everything you’ve done with them, and i can’t wait to see what you have planned for the future!!

[lancearcherinrippedjeans]

It Started with The Janela Zone

ICBeing The Elite Part 1

Pairings - Adam Page x OFC, Chuck Taylor x OC, Marq Quen x OFC

Catergory - VERY FLUFFY, LOTS OF COMEDY, with the TINIEST TINIEST bits of angst

Warnings/Promises - Lot’s of cussing lmao. Talk of FAKE, I’ll say it again, FAKE death. And talk of anxiety.

Word Count - 4,503

Summary/Desc - Gabby goes live the Joey Janela every week. But when Parker and Bri are with there this time, Joey makes a decision  to invite them to a show. And once they show up, they get two things they didn’t expect, being special guests on BTE, and finding potential love.

There beginning and end with be like “real life” and the middle with be like BTE (Intro and Outro is included)

 (JUST A THING, PARKER, AKA ME, I PUT BOTH BY PRONOUNS IN THIS she/they, SOOOO, JUST A THING)

N e ways,,,,creds to @westanaew​ , it’s not just her first collab its also MINE. We did this together <3

Also, Gabby is gonna be the main character in part one :) 

(happy birthday Hangman)

“I don’t know what you want from me Joey.” She laughed. Gabby and Joey were live for Janela Zone, like they did every weekend. “What do you mean Gabby,” Joey chuckled, “I told you to chug the White Claw or listen to Barbie girl for 1. Hour.” Joey said. This was the normal for them, just two people going live for the entertainment of their fans. Joey Janela was, well Joey Janela. But Gabby was a fan that wanted to go live with her idol, which quickly turned into a friend when the people started liking on their lives.

One day Gabby was with her friends, Parker and Bri, that she met from being wrestling fans. They were together at a hotel, something they didn’t do often since they lived in different states.

“Bitch I know you’re not about to go live with us here!” Parker yelled. It was time for Gabby and Joey’s weekly stream, and she was doing it either way. “I mean I can go get food, I’m kind of hungry anyways.” Bri offered.

“Humans just be normal. It’s only for a few hours.” Gabby tried to explain, but Parker wasn’t having it. “I know you did not just saying a few fucking hours-“ Parker seemed fed up, but Gabby knew she would get over it.

“Guys let’s see if Gabby is in here.” Joey said. Gabby was ready while Parker and Bri sat in the back awkwardly. When Joey added her, he noticed Bri laying on one of the 2 beds in the background. “Who’s that in the background?” Joey questioned. “Oh them? Those are just my friends, Parker and Bri.” Gabby said then looking back at a surprised Parker. “Hi Joey, big fan” Parker stated. Eventually Parker and Bri joined in and the whole group had a lot of fun on live that night, so much fun that Joey would offer them something. “I swear, I got to fly y’all out for All Out next Saturday.” They didn’t think he was serious till Gabby got a dm after they got off of the live with Joey asking if they could actually come. Of course, they accepted and off to All Out they were in 2 weeks.

The Day of All Out

“Look how big it is!” Gabby said, pointing at the titantron, amazed. “That’s what she said.” Parker smirked. “Bitch be wholesome for 5 seconds, geez!” Gabby exclaimed. “I knew y’all would do this.” Bri laughed with her head down.

“Hey! Gabby over here!” Joey said waving towards them. Parker and Gabby waved back. “Omg y’all that’s like actually Joey Janela!” Gabby was excited, but really emotional about it. Before all the lives, Gabby was a huge fan of Joey, and his wrestling helped her through a lot of stuff. She dreamed about meeting him even though they were friends, today was the day her dream would come true. The group made their way towards Joey, Parker and Bri excited while Gabby was in shock it was really happening.

“Hey guys!” Joey said when we made our way over to him. “What’s up Joey, thank you for everything, we really appreciate it.” Gabby said, fighting back tears. She didn’t wanna get all emotional right now so she held it in. ”Sup Joey, nice meeting you” Parker said, trying not to burst out of excitement.

”Hi Joey, great meeting you.” Unlike the other two, Bri hugged Joey, then behind his back winking. Gabby caught this, “Not today Brianna.” Gabby whispered but loud enough Bri got the message.

Bri rolled her eyes at Gabby while letting go of Joey, Parker holding back laughter so Joey wouldn’t know what was happening. “Joey let's get a picture, this’ll be my biggest flex.” Gabby said, pulling out her phone and opening Instagram. All four of them took a group photo then all getting individual photos with Joey. “You guys wanna head to catering? I’m sure you’ll run into someone there.” Joey offered. “Sure why not!” Parker agreed, trying not to sound too nervous. They all headed backstage to the catering area.

“Ok guys, the food is over there against the wall and that’s about it. I’m 100% sure you’ll run into someone over here. I’m gonna head out to find Sonny, so have fun.” Joey said, he really invited them then left.

That’s when the group heard a very familiar voice. “What’s up guys,” He motioned towards one of them, “are you Gabby?” said Nick Jackson, coming over to sit with them. “Yes I am, are you Nick Jackson?” Gabby said in a sarcastic but funny way. Bri sat and smiled while Parker sat there like an idiot, mouth agape, starstruck by the man sitting across from them.

“I like your attitude,” Nick laughed at Gabby’s sarcasm, “and from what I’ve heard you guys are funny, so I’m inviting you on BTE. We needed some extra people this week and you guys seem to fit the spot.” Nick offered.

“Deadass?!” Parker questioned. “I'M DEADASS!” Nick shouted, then breaking a smile. “I’m down.” Bri said. “Yea me too, it’ll be fun.” Gabby said, checking her phone for a notification.

“Okay sounds great! Gabby I think we’ll have you working with Adam, Joey said you guys were pretty similar,” He pointed towards her, and she looked up from her phone surprised from what she was hearing. “Parker, from what I’ve heard? The Best Friends bit sounds perfect for you, and Bri, I think you’ll go best with Private Party.”

“Alright.” “Amazing.” “Sounds good to me.”

“Okay,” He clapped his hands together, “You’ll have a bit of time to pre plan before we start shooting in,” he checked his phone, “About an hour, so, see y’all in a little bit.”

Once Nick walked away Parker and Bri turned towards their friend, “Gabby and Adam sitting in a tree.” Bri sang, wanting to get on her nerves, “Not now, Brianna.” “She is c-h-o-k-i-n-g.” Parker finished, “Parker Lorin Jones!!!!” The three joked before breaking off, finding the groups for their bits on Being The Elite.

Gabby walked around Daily’s Place, until she found Adam, sitting, clearly waiting for something. She took a deep breath before approaching him, “Hi Adam, I’m-” “Gabby, working with me for Being The Elite?” Adam cut in, and she felt her cheeks get hot, “Uh, yeah.”

The blonde nodded, “I’ve watched you on Janela Zone before, you seem pretty chill. Shall we talk about the bit before we start?” He held out his arm for her to hook it. She was nervous at first but she inhaled, then exhaled, and hooked her arm through his, “We shall.”

The Elite

The The Elite

The Elite

The The Elite

The Elite

The The Elite

Superkick PAAARRRR-

“I’m going to use the bathroom, don’t die while I’m gone.” Gabby said while getting up from her seat. “Bitch you know you dying first outta us.” Parker said, gazing over to the side avoiding to make eye connection with Gabby. “Go choke Parker.'' Gabby said, walking away to find the nearest bathroom, that’s when while walking down the hallway she spotted a lonely cowboy sitting at the bar by himself.

It was Adam Page, then she saw an angry Kenny Omega walking out of the bar. “Fuuck.” She saw the cowboy whisper, then taking a drink of his Jack Daniels. Gabby saw a look in his face that she didn’t really see on tv, a more sad than angry look in his eyes. So she took it upon herself to go sit with him at the bar.

“Excuse me can I uh, get 1 whiskey?” Gabby asked the bartender. “You must be Joey’s friend everyone’s been talking about.” Adam said, taking another sip of his drink. “Yup that’s me.” Gabby said, taking a sip of her whiskey. She followed that up with, “You didn’t look like you were doing well and-“ Adam cut Gabby off, “Gabby I don’t know you and you don’t know me so what’s up? If you want a one night ssand you can jusssay that.” Adam said, slurring his words and still drinking. “No it’s not that, I just saw the pain in your face. What happened with Kenny?” She asked, she let the one night stand comment slide since he was obviously drunk. ”Kenny’ssjust being complicated, he doesn’twant me drinking with Cash and Dax. And I know they have their problemssbut that has nothing to do with me.” Adam said, finishing off his drink.

“I feel you, but sometimes you just gotta let people be mad. And put yourself first.” Gabby said, then also finishing off her drink. “Nice talk, wesshould talk more. I like you.” A drunk Adam Page mumbled out, still slurring his words. “Yea I’m down.” Gabby got up, tipped her cup towards Adam and made her way out the bar. Adam tipped his glass right back at her before looking back towards the bartender.

LaTeR iN tHe EpIsOdE

Parker was walking backstage, minding her own business and looking at her phone. “I wonder where Gabby WEN-” Parker was grabbed by her arm and dragged into a room.

Parker held up their fist, when they put them down, “God, what do you guys want?” “Look, you gotta help us,” They looked up at Chuck Taylor, “We’re trying to kill Brandon.” “Excuse me, WHAT?”

Trent put his hands on their shoulders, “He’s been annoying us about a bit for weeks, so we’ve been planning to, y’know, take him out.” Parker sighed, “I don’t know, Orange what do you think?” They all looked towards Orange Cassidy who shrugged and gave them a lazy thumbs up. She looked back towards Chuck and Trent, “God, he’s persuasive.” She looked like she was weighing her options, before she blurted out, “Fine! But I swear to God,” They held up a finger to their faces, “If you even THINK about blaming all this on me, I will kill you guys next.” The pair just nodded their heads and looked towards the door.

Brandon walked in, looking peeved, “Do you guys have a bit?” Trent talked to Brandon while Chuck motioned Parker towards the bat in the corner. She picked it up, making that face you knew said, “Really bitch?” He made the motion of him just swinging the bat. Parker walked behind Brandon, Trent and Chuck made faces and mouthed at her to just do it.

The camera went black and the sound of the bat hitting a surface was heard.

The screen showed all them standing over the man, when they all started screaming, except Orange, who kept his cool. “What do we do what do we do?!?!” Parker yelled, freaking out. Trent looked around, “Uh, put him in the closet!”

Parker shook her head, “No, no being in the closet isn’t fun at all.” Everyone in the room, including the now dead Brandon put on a straight face and looked directly at the camera, “Get it?”

They all went back to their worried, chill and dead faces. Trent, Chuck and Parker all looked around the room when all their eyes fell on a suitcase. They all knew what they had to do, when the screen changed to a different place in a building, showing a different bit.

tImE sKiP

The same group of the Best Friends and Parker walked towards the EVPs office. “You tell them that you killed Brandon.” Chuck said, pointing at Parker. She looked at him, offended, “Listen here you Kentucky born idiot! It was YOUR idea!” “Okay but who hit him with the bat?” Trent added in. “Are you serious right now? I-” They all started arguing, so loud that Matt looked out the door, “Hey, can you guys keep it down?” Parker pushed the men back before pointing at them, “They killed him.”

“What the- killed who?” Trent stepped forward, “Oh please, Parker is the one who hit Brandon over the head. They’re the reason he’s dead.” Matt looked at them all confused, “Brandon is in here, he hit his head or something and we found him stuffed in a suitcase. Are you guys okay?” The three looked at each other before looking into the office, to see Brandon with ice on his head.

Parker shook her head, peeved looked on her face before walking away, “Man what the fu-”

This ain’t water

Private Party and Bri were walking backstage, laughing and joking around when they bumped into Nick Jackson. “Oh, Nick! This is our friend Bri.” Marq said in a happy tone. Bri held up her hand, “Hi, nice to meet you.” Nick looked awkward before shaking her hand. Isiah smacked his lips, “Man why you being rude? We’re just tryna introduce y’all.”

Nick put up his hand, “Look you seem nice and all, but I’m not interested.” “What are- why wouldn’t you hang with all this.” Marq said, motioning towards Brianna. “I don’t need to ‘hang’ with all that.” Isiah rolled his eyes and groaned, “Why you bein difficult?”

“I don’t need Bri. I’m fine.” Nick said, sounding annoyed. “Oh you don’t need Bri, that’s a funny joke. Come on.” “I already said no, I don’t need another girl in my life.” Marq laughed, “It’s not a big deal, just another friend you know?” “I’m not gonna say no again.”

Isiah laughed, “Yeah,” got close to the camera, “he actin like he don’t got other friends.” Bri laughed at Marq and Isiah overreacting when Nick was clearly getting angry, “You think I’m not being serious?” “Nah.” Bri said through her laughter.

“I’m DEADASS.” A loud noise played while the trio flew back, Isiah on the floor, Marq staying still and Bri trying to support herself on the wall.

Marq grabbed Brianna’s arm, “I guess people don’t like making friends nowadays.” They turned to walk away when they bumped into Matt Jackson, the trio shook their heads, scared of what's gonna happen next.

Their fears became a reality when Matt (does whatever he does ?????) and they all flew back again. Bri stomped her foot and turned away, “Man I can’t believe this!”

Join The Dark Order

The friends, talking about their day on BTE, sat at a table in catering, all with different expressions. “Gabby, I still don’t know how YOU ended up being Adam’s drinking buddy.” Bri questioned. Gabby shrugged, “Okay but at least Nick didn’t think that I was about to get set up with him.” The two went back and forth about it before they turned towards Parker, “What did you do today Parker?” Gab asked, curious why her friend was quiet for once.

Parker shuddered, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” “Why? Did-” The girl went silent when Alex Reynolds and John Silver approached, Kool-Aid and water in hand. “Ladies,” Alex motioned towards Bri and Gabby, “Non-Binary friend,” he motioned towards Parker, “how are you doing today?”  Parker and Gabby rolled their eyes and sighed while Bri spoke up, “What do you guys want?”

John clapped his hands once, “Let’s get things straight, we want you three in the Dark Order.”

“No.” “Nope.” “Absolutely not.”

“Just hear us out, hear us out.” “We’re not joining a cult.” Gabby spoke up. She looked towards Bri, who looked tempted to do so. “Bri!” “What? I mean, it’s grape Kool-Aid, right?” Parker slapped their hand against their forehead, “Bri I swear to God if you drink that mess I’m gonna smack the hoe outta you.”

The three started arguing when Alex and John calmed them down. “Look all you have to do,” Alex said, pouring Kool-Aid in the three cups of water, “is drink the Kool-Aid.”

The three friends looked disgusted, “What. The Fuck. Is this?” Gabby said, grabbing the cup and looking into it. Bri shot a glare at the two, “Are you trying to poison us?”

“No! We got Griff Garrison to drink it.” John spoke, trying to get the point across. “Who the hell is Griff Garrison?!” Parker questioned, confused.

Gabby put her hand up to calm down Parker, “Okay okay listen, there ain’t no way we’re joining your stupid cult.” “Cause one, there ain’t no sugar.” Bri said, adding on. “Too much water.” Parker said, attitude in their voice. “And you didn’t even mix it up.” Gabby said, sounding disappointed.

“Wait wait wait!” John and Alex yelled as Parker and Gabby got up and walked away. Bri looked behind her and sighed, grabbing her Kool-Aid anyway and walking with her friends. “Damnit Bri!” Parker said offscreen, throwing the cup back at Alex.

John slapped his hands against the table, “Goddamnit!” “This is why Brodie always throws paper at you!” The men walked off, arguing.

“Hey, did you like that video? Click the screen for more.”

“And where do you think you’re going?

Before you check out our official merchandise page found at prowrestlingtees . com/youngbucks.

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And thanks so much for Being The Elite.

The Elite The The Elite

What Nick you’re not gonna sing it all with me this time?”

Gabby, Bri and Parker were hanging out in the hallway, laughing about their bits they filmed. It all stopped when Nick came up to them, congratulating them and telling them how great the bits turned out. He also told them that the people they had filmed with invited them out for drinks. They all agreed and got their stuff ready, waiting outside for the Uber the three of them ordered.

“Are you guys excited?” Parker asked, clearly nervous. Gabby nodded, shaking. “Oh you bet I’m excited.” Bri said, that certain tone in her voice. “Bri don’t scare Isiah and Marq off with your flirting.” Gabby said, a bit of a chuckle in her voice. “To be fair, Marq was flirting back earlier.”

Gabby and Parker started teasing Bri, who was already tired of it, when their Uber had pulled up, they pulled their masks over their face and climbed in the car, light conversation the whole way.

When everyone arrived they all broke off into groups, with the people they had filmed BTE with earlier today. “Let me get two Jack Daniels please.” Adam said, already a bit drunk from earlier. Gabby smiled at him, Adam with his hair pulled back and round glasses on was attractive to her. “So tell me about yourself, cowboy.” Gabby said, curious about his answer. “Have you not read my twitter bio? I’m an anxious millennial cowboy. That’s all anyone needs to know.” Adam said, swallowing down his drink faster than earlier.

“Anxious huh? I suffer from anxiety so I’m sure you have an understanding of it.” Gabby said, taking a sip of her drink, but not as big as Adam’s. The two started to talk about their anxiousness and anxiety, then speaking on their mental health issues. They were both drinking heavy and in about 40 minutes were drunk. They were like each other’s therapist in that moment.

That’s when out of nowhere Adam leaned in for a kiss. Gabby didn’t push away from it. Adam made his way to Gabby’s thighs, grabbing them then pulling her in closer. That’s when they both heard a voice, one that as soon as she heard it she knew who it was.

“Hey Gab-E, can I borrow a 20 so I don’t have to use my credit ca-.” Parker looked up from her phone and stopped when she saw the scene in front of her. “Oh my God Park-er what do you want?!” Parker stifled their laughter, “Well, I needed a 20, cause I didn’t want to use my credit card for a tip later, but it’s fine, I’ll uh, go to an ATM.” Gabby groaned and rolled her eyes dramatically, “Adam, this is my friend, Parker.” Adam just waved and Parker returned it, “I’ll uh, just go back to hanging out with Chuck and them.” “Yeah, you do that.” Gabby spat.

Parker turned and walked a few feet when she turned back around, “Oh, and make sure you use a condom.” “God Parker go!” Gabby yelled, and Parker walked away, laughing.

Gabby let out a sigh, “I can’t believe that bitch”. “It’s ok, now where were we again-” Adam said, licking his bottom lip, looking Gabby up and down. “I don’t know if I can continue after that, cowboy.” Gabby shook her head no, letting out a soft smile. “I love your smile, it’s cute.” Adam tilted her head up towards him, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “You know, I don’t know what it is Gabby, but something about you and me just click. And I know we’ve only known each other for less than a whole day but I really like you.” Adam looked down with a smile on his face, blushing at the fact that after one day he’d catch feeling.

“Me too Adam, fuck. It’s nice having someone that understands you and can drink with you. Plus you’re” she stopped herself in the middle of her words to let out a silent sigh. “You’re attractive, and nice, and I feel like this will be more than a one night thing”. Adam signaled his hands for Gabby to come closer, which she did. She sat on his lap, digging her face into his shoulder. “I’m gonna follow you on Instagram, you're more than Joey's friend now.” Adam whispered, hugging her tighter. Gabby laughed the comment off while still in Adam’s hold. She released her head from his shoulder, placing a kiss on his forehead.

“Well then cowboy, I’m already hooked to you so there’s no way out.” Gabby smiled. Adam smiled back at her, letting her go out of his hold.

Across the bar sat Parker and the Best Friends, laughing and acting stupid. “I’m serious! I didn’t actually expect you to retweet it James.” They were talking about one of Parker’s tweets, with them in Orange Cassidy cosplay and makeup. “We all thought it looked great, what do you mean?” Trent asked, genuinely curious. Parker took a swig of her drink before answering, it’s just, I try getting noticed by you guys a lot. I literally nicknamed myself ‘Chuck Taylor Thot’.”

Chuck, hearing that, spat out his drink with laughter, “What?!” She hid her face in her hands embarrassed, “It’s not funny.” “Sure, totally not, at all.” James said, stifling his laughter. “You guys wanna go play darts or something?” Trent asked. Parker shook their head, “You guys go ahead, I suck at that stuff.” James and Trent just shrugged and slid out the booth. Parker looked next to her, “You’re not going to play?” Chuck shook his head, “Last time I played darts with them I got one stuck in my foot.”

Parker laughed, imagining all them freaking out about it. “What’s so funny?” She put on a straight face, “Nothing, nothing.” He shrugged it off, “So I’m sure that you know a lot about me, so tell me about you.”

She rolled her eyes at that joke in the beginning before she thought for a second, “Well uh, I’m in my early twenties, I met Gabby and Bri a few years ago and uh, I don’t know what else is that important.” “That’s nice and all but I’ve been around you all day, c’mon, I know you aren’t lame.”

She sighed before really thinking what she could say about herself, “Umm, I’ve been a wrestling fan most of my life, I used to actually hate AEW, then it easily became one of the most important parts of my life and every time I see you wearing a Pacer’s shirt I freak out because you’re repping MY state.” Chuck looked towards Parker, “You’re from Indiana?” She nodded, “You were born in the wrong state.”

“No way, Kentucky for the win, plus Indiana Gentleman just sounds stupid.” “Kentucky Gentleman sounds like a douchebag.”

“Oh shut up!” The two just laughed. When they both stopped they just looked at each other, smiles on their faces. Out of nowhere he started looking closer at them. They started touching around their mouth, “What? Do I have something on my face?” He didn’t answer before he asked a question with an obvious answer, “You have freckles?”

Parker felt her face get hot when she just nodded, “Yeah, I realize they’re not as cute as other people’s but-” “I think they’re adorable.” Parker just sat there, mouth hanging open like an idiot. She shook her head when she realized she was just sitting there, “Um, uh...thank you.”

He just smiled before saying, “You’re really cool Parker. I think I might want to get to know you better.” She couldn’t even say anything and just sat there, smiling. He realized she was too awkward to say anything, so he just wrapped his arm around her shoulder, turning them towards Trent and James, arguing over who’s turn it was. She laid her head on his shoulder, watching the funny scene across from them.

A few tables over were Bri and Private Party, which despite all their energy, was pretty chill. “Okay Bri I see you with them nails.” Marq said, complimenting Bri’s nails which were blue and pink, just like Private Party’s merch. Bri smiled, modelling her hand. Isiah looked over towards the entrance when a girl walked in, he looked towards Bri and Marq, who were nodding for him to go. He jumped up out of the booth and over to the girl who walked in.

Bri and Marq turned towards each other, smiling. “I got a question.” Bri said, nervousness in her voice. He nodded his head, “Do you think I’m too, y’know, flirty?” Marq put his drink down and looked towards Brianna, like she just said something stupid. “Of course not, why you think I’ve been flirting back all day?” Bri smiled at his answer, when they started to move closer to each other, so close that their lips were almost touching, when Bri suddenly stopped and turned away, throwing up all over the floor.

“Oh shit!” Parker yelled, grabbing her jacket and sliding out the booth. She yelled for Gabby and motioned for her. They both ran towards Bri, Gabby grabbed Brianna’s purse and jacket while Parker kept her hair out her face. Parker turned towards Marq, “Sorry, this happens whenever we meet up.” Marq just nodded, “Alright, I’ll text you Bri, feel better.”

Parker turned towards Gabby, “Did you order the-” “It’ll be here in 2 minutes.” They walked towards the exit, they were halfway out the door when Chuck yelled, “Wait Parker I never I got your-” The door shut, “Number.”

Their ride was there quickly, and they climbed in the backseat, starting their ride to their hotel. “Bri I told you to stop drinking so much when you’re in a random place!” Gabby yelled. Bri just shrugged. Parker wanted to lecture Bri as well when she got a notification. The girls looked over at her, “Is it from Chuck?” Gabby asked.

“No...it’s from Nick. He wants us back next week.”

Come back for part 2! Coming out soon!

[hongism]

MISS CALY I JUST FINISHED 38 AND I AM HERE WITH MY ESSAY 🤩 - 🦔

DAY 129482 OF ME SCREAMING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE JONGHO AND MC’S RELATIONSHIP SOBS :(

PLS JOONG’S REACTION WHEN THEY BROUGHT WOO BACK :(((

“How dare Seonghwa look so gentle and confident even while being chained and held in the brig of his own ship?” CALY I AM GENUINELY CRYING WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

HER DREAM OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK????? are those supposed to be alternate realities of what would’ve happened if jongho went to fight mingi instead of hongjoong????

JWEWJSH WHAT IS HAPPENING WHY IS SHE SEEING ALL THESE THINGS IN HER DREAMS

HWA AND JOONG DYING TOGETHER LIKE THAT????? WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT

NOOOOOOOOOOO MC SEEING EVERYONE DIE EXCEPT SAN <////3 does this mean her greatest nightmare is not even losing him but him not remembering her???? <//////3 which echoes what he said to her in ch15?? 16?????? about not wanting to have no memory of her??????????? I AM PAIN

“I feel I might lose my mind if I cannot bring him back safely soon.” IS THIS FORESHADOWING OH MY GOD

noooooo her imagining the crew living peaceful ordinary lives :((((((((((((((((((((( i genuinely cried at that :(((

wait but yunho kind of has a point but also kind of doesn’t?????? i am big confusion bc he seems like he has the right idea but something else (maybe his personal feelings towards joong) is still holding him back from making a completely unbiased/unselfish judgment but i guess that’s humanity and no one can ever be 100% objective :((

has mc put down the name for the pardon papers yet? i’m not sure if she did or has already written hyunwoo’s but i’m sure it was mentioned????? ahsjhajs so many questions

JWJDHWJFUWJDJSJKS YUNHO HONGJOONG WHDJWHJSHQJDJWIE nothing like the devil’s tango to break up the Angst and Tension i suppose 😔😔😔😔

MOC HONGJOONG CHEST TATTOOS MOC HONGJOONG CHEST TATTOOS

HWA WANTED TO TELL JISUNG THAT HE IS A W H A T 👁👁 HWA BBY NO U CANT TELL THAT TRICK ASS MF >:(

“I just… want you to know you are loved today just as you were yesterday, and you’ll be loved tomorrow as well. Whatever kind of that love is, it’s love nonetheless. These people — the family you have built and chosen yourself — will continue to love you even if you get a little lost along the way.” I AM CRYING MOC SEONGHWA (and the rest of them minus jisung) DESERVES TO HEAR THIS AND NOTHING LESS :(((((

leave it to jisung to ruin everything as usual 😀😀😀😀😀🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨🔨 pls let me go and give him the hammer miss caly icb i wanted them to reunite before act five started now i want him gONE 😀😀😀

SAN BBY GET BEHIND ME :(((( WTF MOC JISUNG IS REALLY STARTING TO CREEP ME OUT SOMEONE DROP HIM OUT OF THE SHIP AND INTO SPACE PLS

SO IT REALLY WAS MC WHO SAID THAT U SEXC MF :’)))))) okay when i thought she was going psycho in this chapter i really thought it was gonna be batshit crazy psycho but this silent type of crazy is just as sexc 🤩

oop nvm but jisung deserved that so 😔😔 is it bad that i kinda wanted her to kill him

“Still, his tone holds far more softness than anger” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 hajdhwjjdjsk not me going uwu over such a serious moment 🤡🤡 but v v obsessed with sexc captain joong 😔

HI IM BACK HERE AT LAST SO FUCKING LATE BUT HERE !!!! IM HEREEEEEEEE IM SORRY FOR THE DELAY DOFGIJDFOIGJOI LET ME SCREAM WITH YOU OKAY LET'S GOOOOO

FIRST OF ALL I DONT KNOW WHOSE FAULT IT IS BUT SOMEONE GOT ME SIMPING FOR JONGHO AND I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MYSELF WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING HIM SO IF IT POPS OUT THEN IT POPS OUT AND I CANNOT STOP IT !! IM AT RISK!

i personally really adored the lil nuances to joong's reaction when they brought woo back i think it was v downplayed for purposeful reasons BUT also v underrated bc !!! UGH !!! jJUSTUISHiu yeah ;-;

PLS WHY ARE U CRYING ITS OKAY PLS

the DREAM areofigjodifjg are they alternate realities what are they hmm hmmh mhmhmhmhm mysterious mysterious im sorry i legit sobbed while writing the hwa and joong part that was so hard to get thru it hurt SO BAD and it wasn't even REAL just :') yeah :')

ur onto something there with her greatest nightmare I WONT SAY MORE but i'll just say ur onto something BIG !!!! and it does echo back to lots of their conversations from acts two and three !! T-T PAIN!

there's actually something V IMPORTANT TO NOTE about that line too the 'i feel i might lose my mind if i cannot bring him back safely soon' and it ties to yn's convo with jisung and the last line of the chapter as well 🥰

genuinely CRYING AT THE PEACEFUL LIVES PLS !!!! it was supposed to be a gentle moment no tears ;-;

yunho was very much playing the devil's advocate as well as acting on personal feelings himself since we've seen that tension between him and seonghwa before but it truly IS humanity, no one can be 100% objective without any bias and that's something that's hard to work around and work with ;-;

she has nOT put a name down on the pardon papers, for now it's just alluded to that she plans to put hyunwoo's name down ONE DAY but those papers will become important again sooooooooon

U KNOW I HAD TO DO IT smack smack tension breaker sexcie times i had to okay it was getting TOO INTENSE!!

MOC HONGJOONG CHEST TATTOOS MOC HONGJOONG CHEST TATTOOS MOC HONGJOONG CHEST TATTOOS MOC HONGJOONG CHEST TATTOOS you know i had to do it there too okay i couldn't resist

our DEAREST HWA DESERVES TO HEAR IT he needs the encouragement and love he NEEDS IT he truly deserves it too pls i cried there too ;-;

that's a LOT OF HAMMERS AND SMILES BLS UR SCARIER THAN JISUNG IS GOD DAMN i'll allow it u are welcome to take the hammer to his noggin oki oki u have my permission 😳

dONT WORRY SAN HAS HIS LOVELY LADY YN TO PROTECT HIM she'll DEFEND she PROTECC she ATTACC (and most important she love san bacc?)

OFC IT WAS MC WHO SAID IT HELL YEAH I WASNT TEASING THAT TIME silent crazy with an edge of psycho truly beautiful <3 jisung deserved the splat right then but sadly </3 he's still necessary </3

when joong pulls on the sexc captain pants 😫 if u liked that then i think u will ADORE the beginning scene of the next chapter <3

[cainegl]

            welcome  back  angels  ,  tODAY  we’re  gonna  be  truly  shunning  the  psycho  pretty  boy  ,    caine  ,  don’t  show  any  affection  to  him  whatsoever  bc  his  fuckass  doesnt  deserve  it  !  i  probably  won’t  b  around  for  interactions  tonight  but  thats  ok  bc  my  goal  anyways  was  to  get  plots  laid  out  w  everyone  before  i  jumped  into  writing  !  i  love  u  all  genuinely  so  much  and  hopefully  ,  caine’s  satanic  ass  gives  u  a  fun  time  w  hating  him  ,  i  know  i  sure  as  hell  do  :’) 

                            𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 !

𝖋𝖚𝖑𝖑  𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊  :   caine  giovanni  bratton 𝖓𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊𝖘   :   he  mostly  gets  called  by  his  surname  considering  ‘ caine ’  is  rather  un-riffable 𝖇𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊  /  𝖆𝖌𝖊   :    october 29 , 1996 𝖟𝖔𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖈   :   scorpio 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖞  /  𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖘   :   cismale  identifying  with  he  /  him  /  his 𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓   :   closeted  bisexual  and  biromantic 𝖔𝖈𝖈𝖚𝖕𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓  :   former  leftfielder  for  the  boston  red  sox  ,  now  a  fashion  model  and  ceo  /  chairhead  of  his  own  fashion  brand  supreme 𝖍𝖔𝖌𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖊  :   slytherin  𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖇𝖞  :          billy hargrove from stranger things , roman godfrey from hemlock grove ,  kanye west ,  cook from skins , tony  stark   &  erik killmonger from the mcu  ,   patrick bateman from american psycho 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘  :            —     machiavellian  ,  brutal  ,   crass   ,  narcisistic  ,   manipulative           +     opportunistic  ,  intuitive  ,  thrives under pressure ,  straightforward  

𝖉 𝖎 𝖘 𝖘 𝖊 𝖗 𝖙 𝖆 𝖙 𝖎 𝖔 𝖓 

        *   born  to  a  hamptons  housewife  and  the  ceo  of  a  major  sports  marketing  firm  ,  the  dark  haired  devil  had  a  rather  unremarkable  upbringing  .  entitled  as  expected  ,  manipulative  and  cunning  ,  caine  knew  what  people  wanted  to  hear  and  was  sure  to  tell  them  in  his  honeyed  lilt  if  it  were  in  his  favor  for  later  exploitation  .  average  in  school  and  below  average  in  looks  for  most  of  his  life  ,  there  was  a  definite  cruelty  doled  out  to  him  throughout  his  experience  in  the  most  prestigious  private  schools  daddy’s  money  could  afford  (  not  that  his  less  than  welcoming  personality  made  things  any  easier  on  himself  .  )  it  was  his  transition  into  sports  ,  particularly  baseball  ,  that  pulled  him  into  the  direction  of  finally  accomplishing  something  other  than  winning  asshole  of  the  year  defacements  under  his  yearbook  picture  .  with  that  ,  caine  found  that  his  hostility  didn’t  have  to  be  negated  ,  but  rather  selective  —  if  the  male  could  pick  and  choose  his  battles  ,  he’d  find  himself  much  further  along  in  his  desires  than  through  brute  force  alone  .

      and  so  ,  with  precision  focus  and  the  bratton  determination  that  becomes  indicative  of  his  brand  ,  he  rebuilds  .  high  school  finds  their  star  fieldsman  as  a  freshman  with  a  newly  regained  understanding  of  how  to  schmooze  people  ,    dripping  magnetism  through  well  timed  smiles  or  pretentious  humble  brags  .  as  if  taken  over  by  a  well-trained  debutante  overnight  ,  caine  found  himself  with  a  newfound  power  over  those  around  him  and  a  faked  charm  that  propelled  him  to  new  hights  ,  and  with  a  level  of  athletic  talent  to  his  name  that  nobody  could  doubt  ,  he  was  easily  gaining  ground  and  recognition  throughout  his  hometown  of  manhattan  .  with  puberty  catapulting  him  through  his  senior  year  ,  caine  bratton’s  photo-ready  grin  and  laser  focus  on  his  goals  at  hand  made  him  something  of  a  pseudo-celebrity  ,  the  first  taste  of  recognition  that  he  quickly  becomes  addicted  to  .  colleges  fight  tooth  and  nail  to  offer  manhattan’s  pretty  boy  slugger  an  offer  he  cant ��refuse  ,  eventually  sending  caine  off  to  duke  university  to  become  one  of  the  top  ranked  college  baseball  players  in  the  nation  .  practically  feeding  off  the  chaos  of  his  newfound  lifestyle  ,  he  thrives  at  the  party  school  and  cements  his  name  into  nearly  every  east  coast  household  —  building  a  following  of  both  sports  fans  and  general  thirst  follows  alike  .  

      obsessed  with  his  father’s  opinion  ,  caine  heeds  his  word  with  furthering  his  brand  and  takes  on  carefully  selected  sponsors  ,  always  ensuring  they’re  for  modeling  gigs  that  won’t  jeopardize  his  student  athlete  contract  .  he  graduates  early  (  thanks  to  a  particularly  notable  set  of  “  tutors  “  his  dad  hired  )  with  a  business  degree  and  as  first  pick  for  the  MLB  draft  that  following  june  .  after  a  stellar  year  pushing  the  minnesota  twins  out  of  the  bottom  of  their  league  rankings  ,  caine  gets  signed  to  the  boston  red  sox  with  one  of  the  most  expensive  fieldsman  contracts  in  history  .  modeling  gigs  and  sponsorships  flood  the  20  year  old  with  a  force  even  he  couldn’t  have  expected  ,  fueling  the  narcissism  years  in  the  making  .  he’s  well  liked  by  the  media—    a  man’s  man  ,  charming  ,  arrogant  but  within  reason  ,  knowing  the  exact  line  to  drop  for  the  exact  reaction  he  wants  .  caine  spends  the  next  two  seasons  with  the  world  exactly  where  he  wants  them  ,  manipulating  his  way  into  and  our  of  every  situation  his  heart  could  desire  .

      one  thing  he  can’t  control  is  a  devastating  complete  tear  of  his  rotator  cuff  during  a  particularly  high  pressure  world  series  game  ,  one  that  completely  shatters  his  chances  of  finishing  the  season  and  just  about  decimates  the  rest  of  his  career  .  the  surgeries  are  GRUELING  and  the  rehabilitation  is  even  worse  ,  leaving  caine  with  far  too  much  free  time  on  his  hands  and  increasingly  nasty  cracks  his  perfect  pretty  boy  facade  .  a  bittersweet  highlight  of  the  year  ,  conflicting  for  a  multitude  of  reasons  ,  is  the  revelation  from  an  on-and-off  fling  of  his  that  caine  is  to  become  a  father  ,  sending  much  of  the  world  (  including  himself  )  into  a  shock  .  expectant  on  the  arrival  of  his  daughter  ,  left  without  a  clear  career  trajectory  ,  caine  finds  himself  spiraling  into  what  becomes  his  black  hole  ,  ultimately  culminating  in  him  beating  the  shit  out  of  some  random  drunk  guy  on  the  street  trying  to  get  a  rise  out  of  him  and  landing  him  with  a  civil  case  .  while  the  charges  were  ultimately  dropped  ,  the  former  golden  boy  was  undoubtedly  in  shreds  ,  attracting  all  the  wrong  attention  ,  chasing  destruction  wherever  it  offered  itself  —  and  thus  ,  piquing  the  interest  of  one  papa  legba  .

      caine’s  predisposition  for  destruction  and  chaos  ,  satanic  in  the  closest  sense  of  the  word  with  a  perfect  photo-op  smile  ,  made  him  a  champion  for  the  causes  papa  legba  piloted  .  the  demon  king  found  itself  with  a  harbinger  of  sorts  ,  a  machiavelli-reincarnate  who  was  beginning  to  attract  the  worst  of  the  celebrity  sphere  into  his  circle  .  it  wasn’t  difficult  to  recruit  caine  into  his  unsavory  doings  ,  repairing  his  shoulder  with  a  ‘  groundbreaking  new  muscle  regeneration  therapy  ,  ‘  but  rather  than  allow  him  to  rest  on  his  laurels  in  the  mlb  ,  he  offers  caine  a  proposition  .  ‘  why  set  your  sights  on  the  horizon  ,  when  the  whole  damn  world  could  be  yours  ?  ‘  and  with  that  ,  his  new  cherub  kaia  toted  in  the  crook  of  his  former  bad  arm  ,  supreme  drops  after  months  of  hype  and  launches  caine  bratton  from  baseball  tragedy  to  fashion  empire  mogul  .  ever  leaning  into  his  newfound  infamy  due  to  his  increasingly  volatile  outbursts  ,  his  brand  is  building  speed  at  unfathomable  rates  ,  with  his  brain  at  the  helm  and  papa  legba’s  influence  behind  it  ,  and  caine  is  relishing  in  the  new  world  he’s  creating  for  himself  —  regardless  of  the  price  .

𝖉 𝖎 𝖘 𝖘 𝖊 𝖈 𝖙 𝖎 𝖔 𝖓  

           icb  u  made  it  this  far  and  if  u  did  so  without  skimming  ?  u  a  real  one  😩✊🏽  sksksk  so  real  TALK  ,  caine  is  the  literal  worst  so  pls  dont  hesitate  to  make  him  the  villain  in  any  plot  u  so  desire  .  he’s  intelligent  but  not  to  an  excess  ,  but  is  incredibly  business  savvy  ,  knowing  an  opportunity  when  he  sees  one  and  fucking  POUNCING  on  it  .  this  plays  off  his  INCREDIBLE  fucking  manipulation  skills  ,  the  man  will  see  an  in  and  exploit  it  to  no  end  in  a  way  thats  ?  equal  parts  terrifying  and  lowkey  impressive  ?  side  note  he  takes  everything  seriously  ,  esp  himself  and  his  daughter  ,  and  isn’t  abt  to  let  any  idiot  drive  his  empire  into  the  ground  .  the  man  is  genuinely  convinced  he  can  take  over  the  world  at  this  point  ,  w  papa  legba  fueling  his  lil  psycho  ass  ,  and  is  gonna  probably  stop  at  nothing  until  he’s  reached  his  peak  .  he’s  destructive  and  has  absolutely  caused  a  fourth  his  staff  to  quit  with  his  office  meltdowns  where  he  goes  the  FUCK  off  but  ppl  can’t  say  he  doesn’t  have  an  incredible  vision  and  a  cutthroat  determination  to  accomplish  it  .  he’s  in  that  weird  sweet  spot  where  he’s  obnoxious  and  arrogant  as  shit  bc  he  knows  he’s  a  big  ole  successful  pretty  boy  that  ppl  want  to  please  but  he  also  has  that  classic  ‘  i  grew  up  rich  ‘  disposition  that  means  he  knows  when  to  fake  it  ?  (  on  that  note  ,  he’d  make  a  PHENOMENAL  fake  bf  👀  for  the  clout  )    also  an  awful  boyfriend  ,  has  prob  cheated  on  every  person  he’s  ever  dated  and  def  cheated  on  his  baby  mama  but  makes  it  a  point  to  be  an  incredible  dad  to  his  kid  bc  she’s  the  only  tie  to  his  humanity  /  soft  side  he  really  lets  influence  him  .  his  defining  features  are  his  absolute  narcissism  and  volatile  desire  to  be  the  absolute  best  at  what  he  does  ,  as  well  as  a  laser  focus  that  doubles  as  one  of  his  greatest  points  of  admiration  .   he’s  ABSOLUTELY  a  tool  but  to  his  credit  he  can  be  deeply  intimidating  ,  i  imagine  he’s  one  of  those  guys  with  just  incredibly  strong  eye  contact  to  the  point  it  freaks  ppl  out  and  that  reaction  always  makes  him  LAUGH  .

      hc’s :  ultimate  peak  caine  look  is  a  supreme  t  shirt  under  a  black  leather  jacket  n  some  saint  laurent  chelsea  boots  PHEW  ,  he  wears  sunglasses  inside  w  out  hesitating  ,  thinks  kaia  is  a  ~superbaby~  and  is  NOT  afraid  to  tell  u  how  much  fucking  smarter  she  is  than  ‘  normal  babies  ,  ‘  he  has  a  sponsorship  w  a  fucking  bougie  expensive  ass  teeth  whitening  brand  and  they’ve  insured  his  smile  for  an  UNREASONABLE  sum  of  money  ,  a  big  mood  for  him  w  how  busy  he  is  would  b  a  hurried  hookup  in  the  back  seat  of  his  limo  with  led  zeppelin  blasting  over  the  speakers  , his  office  has  one  of  those  balcony  golf  sets  except  its  full  golf  and  not  mini  putt  so  his  ass  will  get  PISSED  and  just  .  shoot  fucking  golf  balls  off  the  side  of  the  building  not  caring  who’s  car  they  dent  two  blocks  away  SKSKKSKS

𝖉 𝖊 𝖘 𝖎 𝖗 𝖊 𝖘

UM  quick  plots  ,  basically  im  heavily  searching  for  the  mother  to  his  child ,  kaia  who  would  be  about  a  year  and  a  half  rn  ,  i  wanted  them  to  have  an  incredibly  tumultuous  back  and  forth  relationship  bc  lbr  caine  is  not  a  great  person  but  he  is  a  spectacular  dad  so  it’s  a  catch-22  for  anyone  involved  skskkss

also  looking  for  his  “  in  my  head  “  by  ari  type  ex  ?  i  did  not  name  this  mans  CAINE  for  nothing  cmon  now  kids

i  would  fucking  LOVE  more  than  anything  to  have  ppl  who  work  with  him  in  any  extent  ?  it  could  be  models  who  rep  the  brand  and  he  flirts  incessantly  with  ,  it  could  be  influencers  who  have  a  partnership  w  him  and  see  his  business  side  ,  it  could  be  people  w  ambition  who  work  for  his  company  and  see  his  NASTY  side  but  pls  ,  supreme  inc  is  open  to  any  and  everything  .  

chaos  squad  ,  hookups  ,  party  friends  ,  athletic  rivals  ,  ride  or  dies  ,  ppl  who  SOMEHOW  tolerate  him  ,  ppl  who  proudly  do  not  tolerate  him  at  all  ,  maybe  even  the  dude  he  punched  in  the  street  that  one  time  ?  also  cousins  ,  childhood  friends  ,  on  and  offs  ,  HELLA  exes  ,  ppl  he  torments  ,  close  as  siblings  relationships  ,  maybe  someone  he’s  kinda  soft  for  but  will  never  admit  ?  

[beardyallen]

Well, that went quickly...

What day is it? I’m starting to lose track of how long I’ve been here...

Well, it’s been a week since my last post, and it seems that a lot must have happened, but honestly I feel like I’ve just been cranking through a bunch of comic books.

But I do know that Friday and Saturday involved a good deal excitement, so I guess we had might as well pick up pretty much where we left off!

Last Friday was Orientation for ICB, which meant getting all of the 35-40 instructors, 10 staff members, and the 6-8 people in charge of this program together in a room to introduce us to...basically what we’d been doing all that week. Also, aside from a couple study-abroad-undergrads and my officemate and me, everyone there had probably already heard the spiel.

It was scheduled from 5p-6p with a buffett afterwards, but a bunch of the Communications people from my floor were going out to eat (again?) afterwards, so I made plans with NR. She wanted to try this Mexican restaurant in what I’ll describe as the “international district” of Beijing. Most everything around us when we got there looked like it belonged in literally every metropolitan area in the world. Every major brand you can imagine had a store. Multiple. Too many...

But the Mexican restaurant we visited is owned and managed by a Mexican expat, apparently. He even stopped by our table to ask how the food was, and let me tell you: that quesadilla was the BOMB!!! And the margarita was pretty good (not as good as MHO’C’s, though!). By the time we finished up dinner, it was kind of late, so we wondered around the shopping center, found a bookstore. You know: the usual.

Fun fact: when a store or restaurant wants to indicate to their patrons that they are getting ready to close, they play smooth jazz and turn the lights down. Like for real. Had their not been windows open to the pavilion outside with it’s hundreds of light displays, I would have been seriously concerned when the lights in the place just went out and Kenny G popped up on the speakers.

We entertained the idea of finding the cinema nearby to see Alita Battle Angel, but during the 15 minutes that we spent wondering around in search of the complex, it seemed to elude us. Plus it was getting close to that time when the subway shuts down, and I wasn’t exactly hankering for a taxi ride this early in my stay....if at all.

The next morning, I got up early to meet back up with NR at the National Museum near the Forbidden City. Now, for the most part, the stairs I get don’t bother me. But I will say, if you’re going to stair at the pasty white guy with a hard-to-describe-its-color-accurately-beard, maybe don’t do it when you’re going 15 mph on a bike, facing in the wrong direction! *sigh.....Some people’s kids...

But what really bothered me, especially at the time, was the father-of-three who straight-up filmed me on his phone from 5 feet away for a solid 6 minutes, three hallways, and two escalators! I get it, I’m funny looking. But I really think I a picture would have done just fine...

One of the things that bothered me the most about that experience was that (a) he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, (b) his daughters seemed rather embarrassed, (c) he filmed me with the screen aimed at me so I could watch myself on his phone, (d) there was text on the screen, and (e) it went on for a solid 6 minutes.

In hindsight, I was wearing sunglasses and a hat, in a subway system, in the morning, heading to the center of Beijing. Maybe he thought I was a celebrity? I had spoken to a Communications graduate student the other day who happens to be black, and he told me the story of how a citizen here pull out their phone with a picture of Samuel L. Jackson on it, and gestured to him as it to ask if it were him...even though SLJ is for sure at 70 years old and this kid is no more than 35. And he looks 25. #smh

Anyway, after dealing with whatever the hell that was, I got to visit the museum! They, for whatever reason, were not allowing people to bring their charging blocks into the museum (external battery that you can use to charge your cell phone and other devices on-the-go), but more surprising to me was just how many people carried one with them! At least, it was surprising until I took a moment to think about it. As I’ve mentioned before, basically every payment made in Beijing is through WeChat, which needs internet access, so I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising. You also really can’t navigate through the city with some sort of Maps app; there are just too many bus routes, train routes, terminals and stops to keep logged in your head.

As far as the museum itself goes, the gifts to China from foreign governments exhibit and the Ancient China exhibit themselves took most of the day. Also, no surprise: the gift that took up the most floor space was given by a U.S. President. I also got a refresher in 8th Grade Social Studies. Too many small countries to remember all of them, and that space made me feel somewhat moronic.

The Ancient China exhibit was exceptional, though. They broke up the last, oh...750,000 years of human-ish life in China into 8-10 separate eras, the first few cataloguing the life and evolution of Homo erectus pekinensis into Homo sapien, while the latter eras were segregated dynastically. I’ve never seen the progression of human evolution laid out in such detail! The rock tools became better rock tools, then pottery and paper, stamps, buildings and so much more! There were even ceremonial helmets that would put the Juggernaut to shame!

It was strange, though, to have all of this knowledge just beyond my fingertips both literally and figuratively. The literal sense isn’t too shocking, as I’ve been to a museum before and know not to touch the pieces, but to have placards written in a language that would take years to learn was frustrating. Fortunately, NR has a never-ending supply of patience, and she translated much of the text. She even quizzed me on several of the characters. I’ve worked out how to write “rock” for sure.

After the museum, we wondered over to a nearby mall that, honestly, puts the Mall of America to shame. No joke. This place was huge! It just kept going and going and going! There was a particular alley that has all of the “exotic foods” that you might see on The Amazing Race, which I haven’t tried yet but intend to, but the rest is mostly-outdoor shopping center. Our reason for being there was to find food (we had been in the museum for a bit over 7 hours), and then sit our fine asses down in a movie theater to watch Alita.

We found a restaurant that served food traditionally found where NR grew up. It was exceptional. And the beer just made it better. :P

The movie experience was something else entirely. I’ve gotten used to watching television and movies with subtitles so that, when people decide to talk to me, I can follow along with both bits. Or if people are just talking near me while I’m watching television, I don’t have to rewind the show. That helped a lot; the movie was still spoken in English, but there were Chinese subtitles. I recognized the Chinese character for “1″ frequently enough, but that was about it.

The movie itself was way more than I expected. I shouldn’t be surprised, given that one of the primary characters is played by Christoph Waltz. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should definitely consider it.

Also, additional fun fact: I’m thinking that most (if not all) showings of major motion pictures here are in 3D. *shrug* Side note: we’re going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow and I’M SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED!!!!

After the movie, we wandered back to the subway station and parted ways mid-subway-ride to head home. The next day I spent playing Kingdom Hearts 3 and sipping some beer in the 3rd Floor Lounge. All day. It was blissful.

This workweek has consisted of four main things: teaching responsibilities, a bit of dissertation work, trying out another one of the cafeterias on campus, and reading comic books. Oh, and beer. But that kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? There’s a convenience store on the other side of the building in front of the Guest House that has cans of beer. You can buy them individual for 3 yuan, or roughly 45 cents. I won’t lie to you: I bought 12 of them and it didn’t cost me more than 6 bucks. And it’s really not bad, and even more convenient than the liquor store I lived by in Denver.

Anyway, as I said, I’m going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow, then to “W-Town” (originally Watertown...so glad they shortened it...) in northern Beijing, which sits at the base of part of the Great Wall. More than 20 people from ICB will be heading up to their on Saturday, so I imagine one of them will take pictures. Probably ML or S. So you’ll have those to look forward to since you know I won’t be taking any!

Oh!!! I almost forgot the biggest thing that happened this week! Actually, it might be the biggest news of my entire stay!!!

I did laundry.

And I washed my slippers. I’m not convinced that they’ve stopped smelling, but I’m holding out hope that I’ve finally figured out how to resolve an issue that I know humanity has been seriously struggling with for decades. I’m on the verge of a breakthrough, people, I swear!

Anyway, time to finish this beer, read a bit more of Scott Lynch’s Republic of Thieves (WE FINALLY FIND OUT ABOUT SABETHA!!!!), and head to bed. Big couple of days ahead...

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

P.S. I bet you thought I was gonna forget! After class on Wednesday, I worked out how to make a phone call from here to the States to wish my Mom a Happy BIrthday. Caught her at work, and we got to chat for a good long while. It really put a nice cap on my evening, and it seemed it gave her a good start to her day. Anyway, I hope you had a great evening, found something nice at C&B and enjoyed that glass of wine you mentioned! Love you!!

[fmdxkit-blog]

setting: august 2006 to present day. warnings: death. word count: 3321 (// icb).

white with hints of grey and purple was all kit saw in his reflection. not too long ago—124 days, to be exact (but who was really counting?), he saw peaches, browns, flecks of pink, amber, blue, yellow. so many colors; he took them for granted, believing they were eternal. now, flooded in the lifeless hue of white (which wasn’t even a bonafide color, as his friend told him), kit felt dead. there was no life around him. the plants sat on the window sill were fake, devoid of mother nature’s gift (or curse).

he pulled a maroon beanie over his head, adding a splash of color to the canvas shade of his skin. the striking contrast brought the magentas out on his cheeks, but kit still looked as sickly as ever. bracing a knit cardigan around his slim, fragile body—his teacher gifted him (out of pity, no less), kit waddled towards the open door of his private hospital room. he asked a nurse to keep it open because he was so tired of hearing nothing but the voices tick away in his head, gnawing, scratching. kit would go mad if the silence persisted.

he stalked the corridor, rolling the IV pole next to him. it was the wilson to his—whatever tom hanks’ name was in that movie he was stranded on an island and his only friend for seven years was a bloodied volleyball. the IV pole was his only friend at the hospital.

kit strolled to where the other children with cancer usually gathered as the nurses tried to serenade them by singing kumbaya, as if that made the cancer nonexistent. he scoffed upon entering the room, immediately regretting the idea of having some sort of human interaction that day. before he could vanish back into the white surroundings, he caught a nurse’s periphery, and she waved him to join. he scanned the room. it was less dead than the rest of the ward. colourful, connected mats shielded the floor as toys laid scattered about: blocks, rag dolls, toy trucks, action figures. the whole shebang. the children were in a circle, surrounding a nurse with a ukulele.

begrudgingly, kit entered the playroom but lingered behind everyone else. he didn’t like drawing too much attention, nor was he in the mood to be singing songs, pretending he wasn’t confined out of his will because of an ailment 21st doctors still couldn’t solve. at eleven, he was already so much of a cynic. most eleven year olds were waiting for hogwarts letters (as if). he was losing his childhood day by day at an alarming rate.

“hey, i’ve never seen you around here.” soft but distinct. the voice crawled into kit’s personal bubble but he turned his head but saw no one. he then glanced down, blinking at a girl in a wheelchair.

“me too,” kit contested, eyeing the stranger. she wore the drab hospital gown and cliched beanie over her head too. it wouldn’t take a brain genius to realize she was a cancer patient just like him. “leukemia?”

“leukemia.” the girl nodded, lips twisted to a subtle pucker. “i’m elena, by the way. nice seeing someone else my age here.”

“kit.”

“kit? like kit-kat but without the kat? is your sister named kat?” elena giggled, tossing jokes as if they were funny. well, they were but kit wasn’t easily humored when his mood was at an all-time low.

“i don’t have a sister. i have a brother and his name is henry,” he answered diplomatically.

“you do know your parents named you after chocolate bars, right?”

kit scowled, annoyed by the wisecracks. “who asked you? why are you even talking to me? we’re not friends.”

elena fiddled with the hem of her blue hospital the gown. “how else do we make friends if we don’t talk, kit-kat?”

“first of all, i don’t want any friends.” kit resented anything or anyone who even vaguely reminded him he had cancer and was practically perched on death’s doormat. befriending a fellow patient was a definite no. “second of all, don’t call me that.” irritated, kit clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and vacated the room. he was done with the crappy music and interrogation—none of which he signed up for, nor appreciated.

“hey, wait!” elena called behind him.

kit tossed her a glare over his shoulders, grimacing as her frail arms spun the large wheels of the wheelchair. “why are you following me? don’t follow me.” when he reached his room, he planned to slam the door in her face but a tire prevented him from doing so.

“i’m sorry i called you kit-kat. i won’t call you that again. i’ve been here for months and i haven’t spoken to anyone my age. i’m tired of listening to toddlers rave about dora the explorer. and frankly, i can’t look at them because i feel so bad. babies shouldn’t have to go through this,” elena emphasized gravelly, voice on the verge of breaking after an emotional and sincere speech.

kit was taken back by the burst of honesty and also by how much he related to her words. they struck a chord, so he opened the door.

“no one deserves to go through this,” he corrected passionately yet grimly, his jaw clenched so tight as his adam’s apple bobbed.

elena mustered a small, relieved smile. “let’s start again.” courteously, she extended a hand. “i’m elena. nice meeting you!”

kit stared at the pink palm, contemplating on accepting the offer of friendship. he had plenty of friends outside of the hospital but no one on the inside. he was so exhausted of pitied looks, maybe having someone on the same boat wouldn’t be a constant remainder of his situation but a person to relate to. to talk to. to understand him and his fears.

he shook elena’s hand, watching her smile overwhelm her freckled face. kit was stunned by the radiance; he was almost persuaded to mirror the expression but slickly caught himself and dropped the handshake a fraction later.

“and i’m kit. nice meeting you too.”

—

propped up by a number of heavy duty pillows, kit stared lifelessly at the television screen. old reruns of sitcoms from before he was born played: a group of elderly women spewing comedic jokes, a nanny with a nasally accent provided laughter, and a prince from bel-air but kit doesn’t bat an eyelash. his expression is forlorn, eyes an empty abyss of dull, mousy brown.

there was a knock on his door but he forewent a reply, wanting to have some alone time. then there was another until the knocking was constant, ringing in his ears. he snapped his head at the door as soon as it opened without a verbal permission of sorts.

“get out,” he hissed, voice eerily too deep for a boy of eleven.

elena stepped in, no longer bound to a clunky wheelchair. she padded to his bed, ignoring his wishes. “i heard you screaming earlier-“

the pink, swollen skin around kit’s eyes tightened, his jaw clenching as venom laced his words. “i was not screaming.”

“crying, then.” elena sat herself on the edge of the bed, hands folded on her thighs as she studied his appearance. there was no pity. just curiosity. “you’re not going home anytime soon, huh?”

kit glanced away, hard expression set on the cracks through the blinds. he saw nothing but pretend to be invested in anything else but the truth. the silence answered her questions and elena nodded knowingly.

“i’m glad you’re here.”

“excuse me?” kit grimaced, half disgusted by her confession and half confused. he returned his glare onto her and she refused to meet it, sight set on the floor.

“i’m glad you’re here. we can keep each other company. if you stay at home, who will be there for you? your parents have work and henry has sch-“<\small>

“your logic makes no sense,” he scowled. how could anyone wish for him to stay in some place he detested with every cell of his existence.

“you’ll get better, kit,” elena said wisely, as if she was certain his fate was guaranteed or written in the morning paper she fancied reading. “i know it. i can feel it. just hold on a little longer. the hospital isn’t so bad. the food, though.” in synchronization, they glanced at the tray of food settled on a bedside table. “that can be better.”

it didn’t know whether to groan or laugh but the most natural of chuckles spilled from his lips when he allowed himself the pleasure of loosening up. he was never so high-strung but the ambience of the hospital changed him. chemotherapy and radiation left him wilted, draining his last bits of energy until he was a blackhole, destructive to only himself. a rose, who was once brilliant red, now decaying with no color to its merit.

“finally,” elena grinned, her freckled cheeks pushing her eyes into merry crescents. “a smile. you look better when you smile.”

“you’ve been reading too many romance novels. you need to lay off.” flushed cheeks and heat prickling the tips of his ears, kit cleared his throat to act unaffected. aloof, even.

“what can i say, they take me away.” shutting her eyes, the sunlight peering through the gaps in the blinds settled on her face. the brown, orange, tan specks on her complexion luminescent, matching the radiance of her fiery, orange hair.

kit felt a strange, foreign beat in his chest. he clasped a hand over his heart, worried of yet another side affect of his treatment: he was exhausted of the migraines, the nausea, the vomiting. all he wanted was peace. but the sensation was different. it didn’t feel bad. in fact, it felt oddly calming while encouraging all at once.

he gulped, flickering his gaze anywhere but not on the trigger of the new anomaly.

—

“woah!” elena gaped in awe at the music video kit showed her on the computer once it came to an inevitable and bitter finish. her eyes were glazed, starry and astonished.

“what did i tell you?” kit stood proudly, hands perched on his hips. “cool, right?”

“very cool,” chuckled elena, scenes of the video zipping through her head in rewind. “i can see you doing that.”

bashfully, kit ran his hands over his beanie, adjusting the elastic hem around his pinkish ears. “you think? i don’t know. i can’t really sing, dance or rap.”

“but you can learn!” elena positively quipped, nothing short of belief etched on her façade. “some people are born great and some are taught greatness.”

“did you get that from a book…” kit laughed, resting his weight on the foot of elena’s bed as he pulled the laptop closer, typing in something else into the search engine.

“nope! i thought of it all on my own.”

“três cheesy,” kit pursed his lips, tossing her a teasing glance, eyebrow arched and disappearing under his favorite maroon beanie.

“oh, you like my cheesy butt!” elena giggled, unknowingly hitting the nail squarely on the head.

if kit wasn’t used to the cheeky lingo, the smile on his face would have faltered and the truth would have been revealed. he couldn’t have that. he watched many shows and learned feelings between good friends ultimately ruined the friendship. no, he would do no such thing.

—

“elena!” kit shouted as soon as he raced into elena’s hospital room. she laid in her bed, head in the clouds per usual. knowing her like the back of his hand (better, even), kit could tell she was restlessly daydreaming by the foggy disposition in her hazel eyes.

“hey, kit,” she greeted less enthusiastically, tired from treatment. warmth still graced her features, pursing her lips to a sincere smile. “you came just in time.”

no longer bound to the four walls of the hospital, kit would drop by weekly to pay elena a visit. he never missed a date; he was always on time. never tardy.

“i have great news to tell you!” the grin on kit’s face was so broad, so spectacular that it threatened the sun’s intensity and power. happiness was alive and well, setting fireworks in every nook and cranny of his body. “i’m cancer free!”

elena couldn’t hide the joy on her face. the tears welled up in her eyes, clouding her vision. her sobs were incoherent but kit understood every word.

“i’m so happy for you! i knew you could do it! didn’t i tell you you’ll get better?”

kit found a box of tissues stowed away in elena’s hospital bag. he ripped open the seal and plucked a few sheets for her to dry her damp face. the sincerity of her reaction touched kit immensely. he felt like bursting into tears too but refrained from doing so.

“yeah, you did.” he grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers. “and you’ll get better too. and when you do, we’ll go to korea and you can cheer me on at my audition!”

elena grinned flawlessly, flooding kit with an emotion he didn’t know existed prior. “i’ll be your first and biggest fan!”

—

“are you sure we won’t get in trouble for this?” the squeaky wheel of the wheelchair and the pads of kit’s steps are the only sounds they hear in the midst of their privy conversation.

“certain,” kit fibbed. a little while lie never hurt anyone. partially, it was honest. she wouldn’t get in trouble; but he would. 

he pushed the rooftop door open with his back, wheeling elena out delicately. the wind blew through them. that winter night was courteous. not too cold. kit’s winter coat around elena kept her cozy.

“wow,” elena marvelled, eyes everywhere on the starry sky. the white, silver specks glistened. “the view is better up here.”

“beats that crappy room you’re in,” kit retorted, rolling her close enough to the edge to see the roads and the few cars driving down them, speeding wistfully into the darkness.

“it’s not crappy,” defended elena. she loved that room of hers. practically, it was home. she spent more time there than anywhere else. kit hated that.

“nothing beats the outside.” he extended his arms, gesturing at what the world outside a pokey hospital had to offer. “the fresh air. the stars.” kit inhaled deeply, soaking in the chilly breeze before coughing, throat and mouth torrid.

elena shifted her gaze from the twinkling canvas to him, lips forming the fondest of smiles. “you never liked the hospital.”

“why would i?” kit let his arms fall, swinging them by his side. “it’s shit.”

“saved your life, though.”

“and took away many others.”

shaking her head in defeat, elena knew there was no reasoning with kit. he was too stubborn. an argument wasn’t worth it.

“thank you bringing me here. it’s beautiful.” elena craned her neck, admiring the natural wonders of the universe before being enclosed away again.

kit nodded, admiration clear in his crystal eyes. “anything for you.”

—

kit tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder, mindlessly waiting for the rings to cease and a familiar voice to pick up. the only voice kit wanted to hear after a gruelling day of exam reviews. he spun a basketball in his hand, pacing the empty space in front of his bed to pass the time. he was growing progressively restless, hating to stand idle with nothing to do but breathe and exist. he was tired of that mundane lifestyle.

“hey, kit-kat,” echoed elena’s groggy voice.

“hey, were you sleeping? i’m sorry i woke you.” looking at the time on his digital alarm clock, kit mentally shot himself for calling right after her chemotherapy treatment. he should have been more aware of how fatigued elena would be. “i can call back if-“

elena’s heartwarming giggles stopped him, as well as paused his pulse for the most fleeting of moments. time stood still and kit could almost see her, despite the roads between them. he envisioned her lying in her bed, facing the sun that poured through her window (she never liked having her curtains shut). the golden yellow rays dancing across her peaceful face; freckles intricate and hazel eyes shining.

“no, i’m good,” she said but yawned at the end. “so, how was your official last day of school before exams?”

“hated it,” kit sang, tossing the basketball up into the air, then caught it for a repeat. “but once i finish my exam tomorrow, i’ll come visit!”

the first year of high school took a toll on kit’s routine vsitations. club activities prevented him from seeing elena on the usual day—friday, so he went whenever available. the dates were scattered and dwindled into monthly subscriptions. kit hated it. he was going to korea soon and despite planning for elena to come along, the universe had other things in mind for her. ill-fated things.

“i’ll ask for extra jello for you,” elena added, knowing how much kit loved the snack since their lunch-dates in the past.

kit snorted, dropping his weight and bouncing on his mattress, discarding the basketball to properly hold his phone with a secure grip. “i have something in mind for my audition. i want you to hear it before anyone else.”

“ooo!” elena squealed, energy returning to her voice. she’s grown to sound so calm but it was obvious it wasn’t intentional. she was tired. “i can’t wait for this VIP showing of your audition. i feel so lucky!”

“you are lucky,” kit confirmed, foolishly smiling from ear to ear as he thought, i’m luckier. he never told elena how he felt but he had an inkling she knew and returned them. for now, that was enough for him. he could wait for her. she had more important matters to prioritize: getting better, beating cancer. not a walk in the park but kit was there and would always be there for her, supporting her, cheering her on. the day she would be cancer free would be the happiest day of his life, greatly surpassing the day he found out he was miraculously healed.

the time caught his peripheral and kit knew his mum would be calling him down to dinner soon—too soon. “hey, elena, i gotta go-“

“tell your mum, dad and henry i said hi, okay?” 

there was never dread in elena’s voice. only kindness and understanding. she matured wonderfully. well beyond her years.

“i will. i’ll see you tomorrow. goodnight,” kit said quietly, hope wedged between each word, glueing the sentence together.

when all were fast asleep, dreaming lucidly of endless possibilities, kit received a text. the notification fell on deaf ears for kit was lost in the slumber. he saw elena and approached her but she only receded, waving sorrowfully.

kit woke up. tears stained his face. then he checked his phone. 

thank you, kit.

he learned later that morning elena passed away. she went in her sleep. peacefully. without turbulence. no pain. no struggle. she went easily. almost willingly too.

years later, kit continued to ache. some days were agonizing; he heard her laughter in the backstage dressing rooms of music programs, in the audience at a variety appearance, during daytime strolls, in conversations he heard when passed, in his mind when he laid awake in the middle of the night; everywhere except… the club, the bar, anywhere extreme: the top of a building, the edge of a bridge, in conversations with strangers. in those instances, those mere lapses in time, kit forgot, burying the pain under disguises of temporary adrenaline and joy.

but when he did reminisce, the pain and loss was fresh, as if elena left him yesterday and not seven years ago. whoever said time heals all wounds was a liar. a fraud. time had done nothing to his wounds. they festered. they still bled. 

kit bled. 

every day. 

for the love who left him.

[winebleeds-a]

icb a mashup of she’s always a woman (saaw) & a case of you (acoy) exists. did like, whoever work for aa.ron tvei.t looked at my blog & was like sure imma tell him to do that duet live for the next show?? that’s a lie because this was done in 2013 but... i can’t get over this because like, the only reason i connect those songs is because of liz. 

but only as separate entities. saaw as the contradictions of liz / an analysis of the independent woman (billy joel wrote this about his first wife, elizabeth... so i could lie and say that’s where liz gets her name heh); acoy is about the consequences of liz / a cycle of knowing her. yet, when you connect the songs together, you get a story that’s... (actually very similar to billy’s own relationship with his first wife too) about a woman unafraid to be feared but afraid to be loved. what is seen while being drawn into her, then what is seen after seeing beyond the citadel but not quite touching liz’s encased heart. and both tell how liz wants to be ideal, but she’s simply human with her good & bad qualities. and, lastly, how she needs to look within herself to improve her negative parts because... she’s worth enough to leave a impression, to drink a case of you. could even be cheesy & just say... she’s always a woman, bitter & sweet like holy wine.

[beardyallen]

Day 3 - An extensive recap

First, I want to extend my apologies to those who have been patiently awaiting this post. I had every intention of writing this yesterday, which got away from me (as you’ll see if you keep reading), and then I had every intention of writing this in the morning, which disappeared (again, as you’ll see if you keep reading). It’s now 5:38pm on Wednesday, February 20th as I’m typing this sentence, and I’m once again exhausted from a long day.

[Edit 2: TL;DR for the following TL;DR -- A bunch of cool stuff happened, including books, dragons, lions, motorcycles, KFC, banks, SIM cards, a Starbucks, public transit, and traveling to two opposite ends of Beijing in a single day. Also my trip went from horribly lonely and daunting to pretty freaking cool and slightly less daunting in less than 24 hours. Done typing this at 8:55pm]

Edit: It’s legit 8:37pm when I’m making this edit, only a bit after posting the original. I wanted to add a tl;dr for those not interesting in reading all of this shit. Basically, I made 4 friends in Beijing, none of them from the same country, only one of them is white, only one is male, and only one is from the US. All three of these descriptions describe CB, my supervisor. His wife, RB, is Indian and works with children orphaned due to birth defects. There’s ML, a half-Brazilian, half-Japanese Communications instructor at ICB, and her friend R, who is herself a former Chinese physician turned public health professional/liaison/something-or-other that seems far more impressive and is exactly what she wants to be. All of them are really cool, interesting people that I’m very glad I had the opportunity to meet. In no particular order, I went to several bookstores, a Starbucks, a KFC early in the morning, the supermarket (twice) and got beer (both times) for ridiculously low prices, experienced the Lantern Festival (still not entirely sure what this is, but there were dragons and lions and motorcycles doing crazy synchronized stunts in a metal globe) at an amusement park, rode 5-6 different subway trains and a city bus, ate 10+ new foods, bought a book (because of course I did) which has both the original English and the translate Chinese characters on each page, tried to open a bank account, then got a SIM card, then actually opened a bank account, finally unpacked my luggage, and spent 3 hours typing this blog post. Also the long flight and trip from the airport to my new apartment were mostly uneventful. See? Even this was super long!]

The last you all heard from me here was as I was sitting in a bar in the Vancouver Airport, Sunday morning. Which was sort of 2 days ago, but sort of 3. Time zones are funky, especially when you cross the International Date Line. *shrug*

After I finished writing that post, I lumbered over to my gate and waited to board with the other couple hundred passengers. At one point, I noticed an older woman (probably in her 60′s or 70′s?) trucking along on one of those things that I can only manage to call a human-conveyor-belt that you see in airports. I mention this as she, had she been on carpeted flooring, she would have been making good time; as it so happens, she was on the conveyor belt that was going opposite of her destination. She was still making progress, but every so slowly, and seemed maddeningly oblivious to the fact that the floor was fighting her at every step. Fortunately, she made it to the other end without incident, although the same cannot be said for when she attempted to enter the next belt; a concerned employee using that particular belt in the intended fashion beckoned that she stop and try the other. So she stopped walking. And didn’t do anything, even when her feet made it back to where she had started. Naturally, she took a pretty solid tumble, lessened only by the shocked, and rightfully flustered, employee, who managed to help her to her feet as half of the onlookers gawked.

The actual flight, all 9 hours of it, went off rather uneventfully. Especially compared to the above story. It was nice having the longer flight second, as completing the first gave me an unearned sense of accomplishment; I’m nervous for my return as I’ll have actually achieved something when I get back to Vancouver, only to have to sit back down for three more hours. Seems less enticing, especially as I won’t be going back to an apartment that I’m renting. Oh well: that’s a problem for Future-Me, as are most things. I will say that the food on the flight was quite satisfying, and the complementary wine was much tastier than expected! And I managed to read a good chunk of Dan Brown’s Origin.

After landing in the Beijing airport, I managed to get through customs without too much trouble and had my first several experiences of what I’ll just refer to here as stranger-staring. #sarcasticwoo

I was met near baggage claim by an undergraduate at the University who chose to call himself Paul. I would later find out that, although it is common practice for Chinese residents to give themselves “American” or “Western” names, they don’t seem to share those names with their fellow residents.

Needless to say, I was exhausted and just wanted to eat something and lie down without dealing with anymore people. To his credit, Paul was an excellent host, his English was quite good, and he helped me to my apartment without incident. I think he was expecting to escort me to dinner at one of the nearby dining halls on campus (Princess Building), but I (hopefully graciously) conveyed that I would really rather just go to bed. After he left, I took a stroll on campus to the Princess Building to check it out for myself, and then stopped at a nearby convenience store to grab some snacks. GUYS! THEY HAVE CUCUMBER-FLAVORED LAYS POTATO CHIPS!!! And so many other flavors that are mind-boggling, and somehow simultaneously vague and specific.

Once I was back in my apartment, I chowed down on some fruit bread, drank some water, had a moment of near paralyzing fear/anxiety/regret/shame/etc., scolded myself for being (I think understandably) pathetic, and then went to sleep. By that point, I had been up for nearly 23 hours, and it was somehow already 7pm on Monday, Feb. 18. I slept until 6am the next morning.

That morning, I got in touch with CB, my supervisor, who was more than happy to meet with me around 11am. So I spent the morning figuring out how to be an adult person in Beijing. Several standard things took place that were daunting only because I’m in Beijing: showering, brushing my teeth, grabbing some toilet paper to carry with me, deciding how much cash to keep in my wallet, etc. I also came to the disturbing realization that there are precisely three outlets, each with one port. One of them was occupied by the television, one by the mini-fridge, and one was free to charge my tablet; it was then that I decided to try to go shopping and track down a power strip.

Day 2: Merry Mart

First, I want to say one quick thing: the exchange rate from RMB (also called yuan) to USD is approximately 0.15:1. So, as an example, I spotted a can of beer for 5.90 yuan, or roughly $0.90. For those of you who know me, you may understand why this was my first example.

Now, the supermarket that I was heading towards is located on the other side of the north gate of the CAU (China Agricultural University, which houses ICB, or the International College of Beijing, where I’m living and instructing), and my apartment is in the very southeast corner of campus, about a 10 minute walk away. And it’s not even 8am yet. I mention this as, when I approached the supermarket, or rather the building housing the supermarket and a dozen or so other shops, I noticed a KFC right next door. Now, I shouldn’t have been shocked to see the advertisements were for food that you would never find at a KFC in the States, but I was. What I feel completely justified in being shocked at was that the KFC was already quite busy. Naturally, I stepped inside and saw that a “Chicken Burger” with a glass of milk (and maybe a side?) was going for 12 yuan, or $1.80. So cheap!!

I stepped out without buying anything and continued into the supermarket. Oh, the wonders I beheld. I’ll try to keep it short, but I’ll point out that I’ve never paid so much attention in the produce and meat sections of a supermarket as I did yesterday. Once I made it past these sections, I experienced an onslaught of packing that looked both familiar and foreign (yes, I realized how stupid that sounds as I typed it). As I was on a bit of a mission (for hand soap and a couple power strips), I contained my curiosity as best I could. But I did take a peak at all of the flavors of Lays Chips in the snack section...

Fortunately, I managed to find a power strip! They had Philips power strips going for 70 yuan (~$10.50) and some from a company I’ve never heard of for 30/40 yuan. Naturally, I grabbed on of the cheaper variety. It seems I didn’t bring enough cash the first time. I moved on, failing to find anything that I could guarantee was hand soap, but let me tell you: after being around people who I could not understand, guessing at products based on the images along, and recognizing that I’m waaaaay in over my head, I have never been so happy to see a can of Budweiser in my life!

Now, I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure a 3-pack 16-oz or 500 mL or whatever-their-volume cans came out to 9 yuan, or $1.35. What a deal! (Fast forward to this morning, and I stumbled an even better find: 500 mL cans of Guiness with nitrous rockets for 15 yuan ($2.25) a pop! In the States, those usually run $16 for four!)

After spotting way more milk (a recent trend, apparently) than I’ve ever seen, ultra-pasteurized so it can sit on an uncooled shelf for months at a time, heaps and heaps of “sanitary tissue” and slew of snacks that boggled my poor, unworldly mind, I made my way to the checkout. Fortunately, I stick out so damn much that people just expect that I don’t speak Chinese; the look of mild irritation isn’t grating at all, it just lets me know that I’m not the only one who feels moderately uncomfortable at my residing in Beijing for these next 4 months. The interaction at the stand was pleasant enough, and we mimed our way through the bits that weren’t communicable. Then I headed back home to meet with CB.

Day 2: The Book

So, I’m already feeling wildly unprepared to teaching a senior-level mathematics course, but one of the few things that was keeping me grounded was that the book was to be selected by administrators at ICB/CAU, so that would save me having to make most of the decisions regarding content for my Probability class. Moreover, the university would provide the textbooks to the students. Little did I know, and little did CB know, and little did the person supposedly in charge of retrieving said textbooks from the library, no textbook was on file for this class. #sarcasticwoo

FORTUNATELY (can’t believe how many lucky breaks I’m catching!), there happened to be a textbook titled Probability and Statistics for Engineers and something-or-other. To be honest, my eyes glazed over at “Engineers,” not because they are lesser scientists, because they are most assuredly not, but because they just don’t appreciate the fine nuances of theoretical mathematics. That is to say, they’re lesser scientists. ;) #allinjest #imsuretheyvegotsickerburnsforme So, I guess I’m teaching from an Engineering textbook.

During this brief window of time with CB, I learned how various countries measure the breathability of the air, acquired a facemask, and snagged an air purifier. Things necessary to life in Beijing! I was then invited out to lunch with CB and his wife RB; I was unaware that their would be fourth, ML. Having never met RB, and being unaware that ML existed, I waited for the 20 minutes that CB needed to get a couple things ready before lunch in my room, then headed down to the entrance of the Guest House (where my apartment and office are located, in case I haven’t mentioned it by name yet). Waiting there was a 30-something Asian-descent woman who somehow didn’t look like she was a native Chinese resident. Best guess: RB. She smiles at me and asks if I’m here to have lunch with R, to which I say confirm and ask if that’s her. Turns out it’s ML, and a reference to a particular Disney movie popped into my head. (I bet you’re not thinking of the same one I was, though!) Anyway, it’s 12:30pm at that point, and I wouldn’t spend the next 11 hours with ML, a Communications instructor for ICB who has only been in Beijing since September, barely speaks any Chinese and gets by reading it as she knows Japanese. Turns out she was born in Brazil, though! That certainly explained why her features were not quite Chinese.

CB and RB showed up a few awkward, mostly silent, minutes later as, not anticipating a fourth left me just socially awkward enough to just keep my mouth shut and let my mind wander. RB led the way to a Chinese restaurant around the corner, and we had a ridiculously cheap meal. Everything was delicious, even the rice noodles and cabbage dish! CB asked how open I was to trying things I’ve never had before, and I responded that I’m hear to make the make the most of this opportunity. He followed up with, “So, you’ll try chicken feet?” I’ve never so quickly doubted my convictions before! Fortunately, the food we order was basic enough fare for a Chinese restaurant, so I didn’t have to prove my grit just yet.

Day 2: The Big Adventure

During the meal, ML mentioned that the “lantern festival” was that night, and that she’d be joining a friend of her’s somewhere in Beijing, TBD. CB mentioned off-handedly that there was a 4-story bookstore several kilometers away. My interest was piqued, but having no means of transportation, I kept my mouth shut. ML did not. She expressed serious interest in venturing out to the store, and I asked if it would be in imposition if I joined. After lunch, CB and RB gave us a rough pin location for the building, walked us over to a bus stop, explained to me how to use my transit card (Thanks, CG!!!), and saw us off on our adventure. At this point, it seems relevant to mention that, although I have two cell phones (my usual American one, and a Chinese phone bought secondhand from ES) (THANKS ES!!!), I don’t have internet access or any real means to contact CB or RB. I also don’t access to a map app (see: I don’t have internet access). As it turns out, ML’s access is hindered by the fact that her iPhone is apparently dated enough to not operate at full capacity with a Chinese SIM card. So she has spotty internet. SPOILERS: Her cell phone would die later that evening. #dundundun

The bus ride was uneventful, and we got off where we thought was should. Without the name of the bookstore or any solid evidence to suggest precisely where the bookstore was, ML then confides in me that she has frequently found herself incapable of finding her destination, wandered around for several hours, then given up and went home. My confidence was soaring. But, as they say, “When in Beijing...”

After finding a map of the surrounding area and comparing it to a screenshot of the rough-pin-location of the bookstore in question, I managed to match shapes cut out by walkways and roads and spot where we should be heading. The pin led us to a bookstore. But this bookstore had only one floor, although the building housing it had 20 floors and an elevator that looked out over the surrounding area. Needless to say, we rode the elevator for a moment before deciding to continue exploring. Stepping outside, we tried to reach CB...and we did! He gave us a more accurate pin and the name of the bookstore. Only one of those two things wound up being helpful.

On our way over to the new location (2 more blocks West), we stumbled on a developed “alley” that housed a wide plethora of shops, including....A BOOKSTORE!!! Dudes and Dudettes: let me tell you, this bookstore was amazing!! Check out the pictures below:

So cool! But this wasn’t where the pin was located, only had two floors, and when we scaled the spiral staircase, some 20-something employees started walking towards us and speaking in Mandarin. ML goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t speak any Mandarin, but we think we know what you’re trying to say. Have a nice day!” And we walked out of the store with our tails tucked loosely between our legs.

I was I could accurately convey all of the things I saw that struck me as fascinating while we explored this area of Beijing, but honestly there was just too much, and I can’t imagine you all are still reading this carefully, given that I’m not exactly giving the “Reader’s Digest” version of events. Or so you may think. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m doing my best to keep this short while still conveying how crazy this day was. And we’re only a couple hours into my afternoon/evening with ML. I applaud any and all who keep reading attentively. I’ll try to make it entertaining.

I will say that in this alley, I got stared down by a police officer. Mildly intimidating and recalled to mind the other intimidating visual to grace me. Just after checking out at the supermarket that morning, while I was packing the couple of items I had purchased into my backpack, I looked up and saw, for the first time in my life, 4 full sets of riot gear. Helmet, vest, nightstick (or whatever it’s called), and some sort of gun in a padded case. Sure, I know that I’ve been around those things before in my life, but never were they in plain view, seemingly on display.

After a few more minutes, a few more crossed streets, and pulling ML out of the way of a car that didn’t seem to care that she was there, we made our way to the pin’s location. And none of the stores around us bore the name of the 4-story bookstore. But we did find another bookstore.........and it turned out to be the right one! Crazy!! Of course, this was after trying out what we guessed was a calligraphy shop that seemed to primarily sell books? The words on the door were somewhat misleading. Anyway, let me tell you: in spite of being in a bookstore filled with words that I can’t understand, I still felt so calm and secure being surrounded by all of those books!

At this point, ML and I seemed to have figured out each other’s senses of humor and made frequent jokes and shared stores as we roamed the shelves, looking desperately for books written in English. After searching all four floors, some twice, we find a section with no markings nearby that happened to have some books in English. After looking over all of the classics (pretty much all they had), discussing the ones we’ve read, conversing about those we haven’t, we each picked one out to buy. I’ve seen Aldous Huxley’s A Brave New World referenced too many times in crossword puzzles and trivia questions to not have developed an absurd curiousity for this book I’ve never read. So naturally I bought it. It seems like a rather nice-looking copy, no artwork to speak of, but elegant in a somewhat formal-Chinese kind of way. It came to 26 yuan, or about $3.90. HOW AM I BUYING A BOOK FOR THAT CHEAP?! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?! *sigh* Well, I seem to be getting by without my Kindle fine enough for now...(THANKS AGAIN RS FOR SHIPPING IT TO ME!!! I’ll let you know as soon as it arrives!)

Day 2: The Lantern Festival

At this point, ML had heard from her friend who I will just call R (have yet to become privy to her family name), and we were given the name of the place we were headed towards: Happy Park. By now, it was around 4:15pm, and we needed to somehow figure out where Happy Park was, how to get there, and manage to not get lost in the process by 6:30pm. So we went for tea. The place we stopped in was what seemed to be a solid attempt at a German tea/coffee shop-slash-bakery. And I got a cup of English Breakfast Tea for 22 yuan ($3.30). Not the best deal, but I learned an invaluable lesson: just take a picture of what you want to order! So simple, so elegant, so effective!!! I was also by this time learning that most people make purchases using the main “social media” app, WeChat. In fact, many shops and restaurants don’t carry any cash as WeChat is just a more effective means of payment. You can link a debit card to your account and you’re good to go! (More on this in Day 3).

<I’ve been writing for almost 2 hours! Yikes!!!> <I wonder if I can get a book deal out of this...>

Without really knowing where to find a subway station, ML and I headed back to where the bus dropped us off, thinking at the very least we could head back to campus and the subway station there. (Also, for those of you who don’t know: I’ve never ridden a subway. Sure, I use RTD rails almost daily in Denver, but somehow this just seemed different. Especially given how many lines there are and that we didn’t actually know where we were going...) We found a bus heading back towards campus, hopped on, and almost immediately spotted a subway station. The bus didn’t drop us off for 2-3 more blocks...

After meandering back to the subway station, we found a map and lo-and-behold there was a stop dedicated to whatever Happy Park is. And it’s on the complete opposite side of town. #unethusedyay #adventuretime We plotted our course and hopped on the train without incident if you don’t count the pile of vomit that I would almost certainly have stepped in had ML not avoided it just before me! *phew* The subway itself was on par, if not nicer, than the trains in Denver, if only a bit louder. Confined spaces and all that. By the time we made our three transfers and got to the other side of Beijing, the sun had set, it was 6:20pm, and we had made it just in time! R met us at the station minutes after.

When we turned to see where we were headed, I was floored. Right in front of us with giant glowing words spelling out (in two languages) “Happy Park” was an amusement park that rivals some Disney parks in it’s show-y-ness. As it was dark, I can’t say precisely how big it was, but I was impressed. Tickets for entry were 145 yuan (roughly $20), which I fortunately had brought along that morning, not realizing precisely how crazy the day would get.

Once inside, R informed us that there’d be a show starting in a few minutes. We tried to find a spot, but the girls had trouble seeing over the heads of the people ahead of us. In fact, I had to stand on my tiptoes as most of the people in front of me were holding up their children, phones, and self-sticks. There was a small mound that almost certainly was not intended for foot-traffic, but nonetheless had a solid 75 people standing on 6-foot-tall trees. When we joined the crowd up there, hoping for a better vantage point, we were disappoint. That is, until ML decided to climb a tree. And I joined her. Naturally. I don’t have pictures of the entire show, sadly. I was too busy being floored and hoping that my one leg that was supporting my weight would hold up! I’m also not including them here as I have to format the videos. But stay tuned in the near future for videos!!

After the show, we wandered around the park for several more hours. I was quite impressed. And the food we got was quite delicious!! Small, fried potatos balls, and donut-hole sized balls loosely-based on a Japanese dish that I couldn’t possibly spell correctly, topped with dried fish. YUM! Check out the pictures of some of the attractions we saw:

This was the interior of an Aquariam-themed section of the park. It was a welcome respite near the end of the night, given that it felt like it was nearing 10F outside.

A Mayan temple, with a restaurant inside and, probably, a water-slide ride built into it? Hard to say. If only our phones hadn’t died and we weren’t so cold by the time we made it to the Athenian/Spartan-inspired section of the park! So many cool statues and buildings!

A still shot as 5 motorcyclists entered the arena after some drum-dancers! Stay tuned for videos of them riding inside the wire ball on the right! [Edit 3: the videos will likely get posted as gifs. Quality will probs be not great. One of them will involve the motorcyclists doing loop-stunts, and the other will involve a dragon-dance with dope fireworks. I didn’t get any video of the lion-dancers from earlier in the show, but take my word for it: it was dope as fuck. So much so that I don’t feel bad about dropping an f-bomb in this edit. I can’t possibly find the words after 3.5 hours of writing to convey just how cool this show was!]

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what this is, but it looked cool!

This was a small bridge, reminiscent of the bridges in Europe where people write their initials on padlocks and toss the keys into the river below. From what we could tell (thanks to R’s understanding of her native tongue), the pieces all talk about the love between family, friends or significant others.

After the Aquarium-themed building got us toasty warm, and it was ticking closer and closer to 10pm, we bee-lined it out of the park and back to to the subway station. Another three transfers, some more conversation, and we were back on campus. While on the trains, either to or from Happy Park, I don’t remember which, ML commented on how quiet I had been earlier that day while waiting for CB and RB before lunch. Given how quiet I was at lunch, she was understandably worried that the pattern would continue. If you know me, you know it just takes a bit for me to get comfortable and figure out how to talk to you. Needless to say, I told too many stories with a surplus of details in each of the bookstores, on each of the trains, and all of the time in between. I’m thinking ML is going to be a pretty solid friend these next couple of months, if I she doesn’t get sick of my stories first!

As I alluded to above, it was around 11pm before we were back in the Guest House. I was ridiculously pooped but not entirely unimpressed at how not-jet-lagged I was! I passed out soon thereafter and woke up for the third and final time around 7am.

Day 3: Merry Mart II, the Second Part

Alas, morning came; and with it came a surplus of energy to spent getting my life together in Beijing. I still hadn’t unpacked my luggage, there were too many things my apartment was still missing, and I didn’t have a reliable means of feeding myself as I had been warned (and witnessed) that many places just simply don’t carry cash. And naturally don’t accept American credit cards.

So I packed a small bag and headed out again. I stopped by Starbucks, attempted to order a Black Tea Latte from the girl who said “Morning” to me, and made the false assumption that this particular colloquialism implied English-fluency. I wound up with a regular Latte. Still good, though! After that, I made my way to the KFC near the Merry Mart only to find that this establishment is one described above. My cash wouldn’t do me much good there. *shrug*

In the Merry Mart, I grabbed several more bread-based food items, a microwavable meal in a bowl, another power strip, some gum, and more chips. Pringles. American flavors. Two cans of Guiness, and two bottles of hand soap. This time, I kept track of the price of each individual item so I knew how much cash to have ready at the register. This time went far more smoothly, and I filled my entire backpack with items that ran up to 134 yuan (~$20). HOW?! HOW AM I GETTING SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE I LOVE THIS!!!

Day 3: Getting my shit together

After that, my mind was set on opening a bank account to connect to my WeChat account. I reached out to CB, who graciously offered his assistance for a small amount of time. Ideally, this wouldn’t take too long. After all, he has plenty of work to be getting on with!

Well, the first bank we tried didn’t work because I’m not staying in town for more than 2 years. The second bank was more accepting. He translated exceptionally while I filled out documents written completely in Chinese. I was having an internal panic attack as I did something that felt incredibly wrong or anything. No, not at all. It’s totally okay to sign your name on documents that you can’t read. Yup, totally okay...

As it turns out, the bank would need to send me verification texts, so I gave them my phone number. But my American phone number wouldn’t work for them (they didn’t even try!), so after 30 minutes of waiting and 10 minutes of paperwork, CB and I headed down the street to get a SIM card and a cellular plan. Oh boy. All told, I think I waited for another hour there while CB got some work done; the paperwork and discussions took another 20-30 minutes. Once I had my phone situated, CB assured me that I could handle the rest of the bank stuff on my own as the staff would certainly recognize me and remember what I wanted. Plus, most of the paperwork was already filled out, right? Right? *sigh

The staff at the bank were less than enthused to find that CB hadn’t joined me. This was gonna be a blast, let me tell ya...

All told, I filled out twice as much paperwork as the staff scrambled to find a way to communicate with the moronic American who didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on around him. Of course, filling out this paperwork and determining exactly what they wanted and whether or not I wrote down the right things (i.e. understood exactly what information they were after) included 5-8 different sessions with several different employees, each with somewhere between 10-70 min wait-times. On the plus side, I’m almost done with Dan Brown’s Origin. Not his best work, but certainly entertaining enough to pass the time in a bank surrounded by people who probably would rather I not exist. To be clear, I don’t begrudge them at all; their service was impeccable, and their patience was never-ending, and the entire thing was significantly less annoying than it had any right to be, given the language barrier.

I left their establishment many hours later with a debit card, Chinese bank account, and the means to buy stuff wherever I wanted to go. And a significant amount of confidence that I can get through the next four months quite contentedly. Granted, I didn’t do nearly as much to earn this confidence as the staff at my new bank did!

After the fiasco at the bank, I went back to the Guest House, unpacked my suitcases, and laid down in bed to type this novella. That was several hours ago.

Convinced that I’ve had a crazy few days?

A coworker from Denver asked me how China has been so far, and I told him that it “[w]ent from shit to fantastic so damn fast.” Hopefully my long, rambling story has here has justified that claim for those of you reading this.

There was only one other day in my life that I can recall feeling as justifiably petrified as I did Monday night. I described the feeling as trying to wake up from a dream only to find that you’re wide awake. I was encouraged earlier today to remember that I don’t have to get through all 4 months of this experience at once; I just need to take it one day at a time. I usually don’t find these adages and idioms to be particularly helpful, but this one seems to be true.

In the future, blog posts probably won’t be nearly as long. Thanks for reading!

Now to finish this beer and book!

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen