#if i pop intuition for it and dont catch it after all this time im deleting final fantasy xiv from my computer

[starspaceace]

my wol is just gonna live in the tempest for a while in lancetfish jail bc i have one mora tecta caught so. until i can catch one right before a lancetfish window im there i guess

[superdeluxeaverage]

didnt go tooo much into detail abt this but its so strange my ex friend showing up at work liike i literally JUST came out of the break room after every1 had sung me happy birthday n idk if it was intuition coincidence or smthn but this thought came into my head like subconsciously where i didnt rly think too hard abt it but i thought like "it would be crazy if my ex friend showed up today like" like idk why cause i didnt see her there or even hear anything tht sounded like her voice that thought popped into my head but idk if i thought it as a like that would rain on my parade or that would confuse me or be a good thing but literally the moment after i thought that she came up to the register and was like hey n it REALLY caught me off guard but had been telling myself id give her no u kno kindness if she showed up again but after that i saw she deleted her insta for awhile soi was like ok she actually isnt rly on insta anymore n stuff n i didnt give too much a f after her friend showed up tht one time and i was like idk just like well i have no beef w/ her friends so we can be nice to each other but like anyways when she jumpscared me i was like still riding birthday high so i was like p immediately happy but at the same time i also was hoping to see her again n i told her my bday was tomorrow n they gave me a cake n everything n she wished me a happy bday n iasked her if she had a chance to check out my music like she asked abt last time i saw her n she said no tht she deleted insta for awhile and stopped using her phone for awhile n i asked her if she wanted to exchange numbers n she was like is urs the same as b4 and asked for it on a piece of paper but i was like actually could u write urs on a paper n ill text u later just so i can message first but ya ive had her number on a paper just kinda wondering when to text i didnt wanna text b4 or on my bday cause i didnt wanna think or wait for a reply ill prolly text saturday if i go to the swap meet itll be good cause i work so ill be busy not thinking abt my phone too much but its weird having her phone on a piece of paper in my room just sitting there i mean i obv used to have her number but deleted it when we stopped talking so i dont knowww its weird i do ideally wanna message her my music but more importantly tell her i thnk things left off on a weird note for us n that i was hurt by it but also to just see where we're both at and kinda catch up on things in way where it doesnt feel like im trying to resume our friendship but kinda just trying to be on good terms n stuff. like ok i would like if our friendship continued full transparency itd be nice to like be back in her life n vice versa just since i felt so embarrassed n defeated after everything that i think for my stupid ego it would be good to be friends again tho i realistically have to accept some things just cant work out but i do hope i can atleast establish good will between us and like get my feelings of sorrow out to her after all these years. she said she recently turned 27 awhile ago too when i said i was turning 25 its weird we met when i was.... 19 i think or 20 i think i spent my 21st bday with her too iirc its weird to think ive spent my bdays with ppl lol i think 22nd i wanted to spend w/ her but she was busy than 23rd was after we had stopped talking n im sure i did my own thing i cant remember if i was happy abt it or sad then 24th was a month after i got my job then 25th was today :> but ya anyways thinking abt our ages is kinda fucking me up in a weird way not a bad way but just thinking that we have both known each other for awhile... like what 6 years well we hadnt talked for 2 or 3 or so but like its weirdddd like to know ppl lol. like ive had a v slow growth as a person n always feel like ive "matured" more in the past year but its weird to think its also just cause of. time. like I AM older which is good but also we all are and i wonder wht that means

[ratsoh-writes]

its me again, and im cackling to myself right now. Imagine the skeles that dont want kids end up hooking up their SO, when SO gives brith to the kid. The doctor says "theres another one!" SO ends up giving birth to triplets. The ultrasound pics they made by the doctor didnt show the two other kids. Also im pretty sure if this would happen to the skele that want kids it would be like early christmas for them.

Ohmygosh this is awesome and horrible at the same time.

Here’s the boys who don’t want kids

Mal: he’s already stressed about having one kid, but seeing three pop out basically makes mal shit down. No thoughts, head empty. He’s just standing there mouth opening and closing in confusion. When he gets to hold his children though, it’s all over. He’s whipped.

Oak: he’s a little different from the others because oak actually loves children, but is childfree because he worries he’s not capable of being a good father. If he didn’t have the head injury, he would definitely want kids. Well once his partner gets pregnant, after the initial freak out he’ll be all in. In the moment, oak is super amazed and in love with those triplets, it’s not till a few days later that he starts panicking again.

Charm: he faints

Snipe: he almost faints but manages to catch himself in a chair and settle down. Snipe stressed beyond belief and even though he’s doing his best to put on a happy face for SO, the suprise honestly ruins the birth for him. Suprisingly it’s butch who slaps some sense into him telling him to grow a pair. Don’t worry, snipe will be a great father, he’s just very anxious

Ace: yes he didn’t want kids, but either way that’s happening so he’s all in at this point. Since ace already has himself in the dad mindset, he’ll actually be super excited to find out he has triplets! No matter what their names were before, he’s forever referring to his kids as the three musketeers

Slim: he’s crying and laughing at the same time he gets to hold his children. It’s a mix of both panic and love. Slim is probably the most anxious of all about raising kids

And for the boys who want kids:

Honey: he’s handed the first one, then the next, then a third??? Honestly he’s so happy and confused that he kinda just slumps into a chair to keep from falling over. Honey exe has stopped working, please come back later

Sugar: he just bursts into tears at the sight of his kids. Sugar was already teary eyed at the first one, but he wasn’t emotionally ready for two more. He’ll be hugging his SO and babbling out praises and thank yous

Peaches: he knew the ultrasound said just one, but peaches had an inkling suspicion that there was another kid in there. Call it a mix of farmers intuition and feeling a souling that felt much bigger than usual. So out of all of them peaches is the least suprised. In fact he’s even a little smug. Like Ha! I knew there was a second one

Rust: he’s a much of pure euphoria and internal screaming. Yes rust is super happy for three kids bit this also means rearranging the whole damn nursery again. Ok rust and designing the nursery was a whole nightmare. He had to have everything just right lol. Actually scratch that, rust is on cloud nine. It’s SO who’s having the nursery anxiety

[vcfrialqa-blog]

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[vocalstudies]

Good things - Biden winning the elections and having the first woman Vice President, lavender lattes and chilaquiles at a Cafe w/ Taylor @ 7am (she bought everything too), Texts from Vicky to go hiking and journaling, FTs from my sister in Temecula and random dms from Brittany in Tahoe saying she misses me and my name and thoughts are on her heart (intuition is crazy)

A whirlwind of emotions, bundle of nerves combined w/ sadness, happiness and sense of relief. It’s a weird feeling to have things come full circle and just finally have the time to step back and think, like really think about my recent life choices.

Like I said Taylor woke me up at the crack of fucking dawn to get breakfast we were intending to walk the beach but it was too cold. She had a date planned with a mutual friend Emilio and she wanted me to help hype her up and get ready. It was a good feeling to think about someone else other than my ex for a change and it kept my mind occupied. It was nice catching up with Taylor. We chose her outfit and a housewarming gift, then I went home.

I sat and cried in my shower just about the stresses of my family, my breakup, dropping out of school and taking off time from work at my 2nd job. I felt so emotional and an emptiness ache in my heart. I feel so lost and pained.

The night before my step sister randomly FT’d me (she hardly ever does this) right after I set my positive affirmations in my journal. I was surprised to receive a call from her and she asked me to drive up to Temecula.

We caught up about her life, my breakup, family and her recent updates to her room. I ate pho w/ my step dad, brother and sister which was nice too.

Visited the promenade for scented candles and it was cute to see all the holiday decorations set up already.

I texted my ex (for no reason at all) and she doesn’t respond to my texts anyways. I’ve been left on read for a while now and it leaves me feeling worthless and stupid. Idk why I do it, but maybe it’s a form of self sabotage.

I was supposed to drive back down to SD and go straight home but I got a text to play board games and my friend Alexis’s house in Scripps Ranch.... Right when I walked through the door everyone said “You want to pop” and handed me a pill. I didn’t really think too hard and just did it because I was so sad and I completely disregarded the fact I took 40mgs of propranolol and 20 mgs of lexapro. I’m not sure what the pill was but it was orange. I took a couple shots, sipped trulys and continued to re-up w/ these orange pills. I still don’t know what they were but I didn’t feel so sad anymore and a happy buzzing warmth surrounded my body. I was wearing my mask and social distancing best I could but it’s hard when all I need right now is human interactions. I’m probably gonna get tested for covid again just to be on the safe side.

Anyway - so much for sobriety right? Just kidding.

I drove home in the rain at about 6am from Scripps to Golden hill which is about a 25 minute drive. Knowing my age and circumstances as to why I was making these irresponsible choices out everything into perspective.

Maybe it’s the drugs having me overanalyze but what I’m aware what I’m doing to myself isn’t good but simultaneously I’m dancing with the devil. It’s terrible.

I don’t like where I’m headed and I’m tired of feeling like im drifting and not 100% here. I can’t continue to do stupid shit and expect a different out come you know? I’m too old, too aware and can’t keep making myself suffer.

It’s ironic I had to have substances in order to see the clarity within the mess but when I was surrounded by all these fucked up people it felt like I was in slow motion and could only hear my internal thoughts/monologue. I wanted to be at home, in bed, cuddling at watching movies during a rainy night but instead found my self doing drugs and making bad decisions with strangers.

Hitting rock bottom sucks. Really sucks. Acknowledging that I’m having problems also sucks. I’ve said this once before but I always persevered no matter how bad a situation gets. I’m a smart woman who just happens to have bad coping mechanisms due to low self esteem and trauma and succumbs to her vices. I’ve over came so much though, why am I throwing all my progress away???

Codependency is a hell of a drug. Loneliness and sadness too. Literally engulfed who I was for a minute

It’s the residual drugs I’m on that is completely making me so exhausted I can’t sleep and keeps my mind on overdrive.

Most likely going to have a serious comedown but I’ll take my chances and live with my consequences

I should also eat something it’s been like a whole day

To whoever reads this, sorry I’m a complete shit show and you’ve watched me downward spiral this year - hopefully you’ll stick around for my glow up, rebirth and healing. Dont have a time frame, but it’ll happen .......crossing my fingers

[hbirauorrzfm-blog]

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[starspaceace]

alright! until 6.55 in a week and it adds the worst fish of the expansion to catch my list of fish i need to catch still in xiv can be contained in a single screenshot

im just gonna complain under the read more about each of them. i have beef with these fish im rambling but i want it out there

cinder surprise fucking sucks bc you can see that the next time it is available is 4 hours from screenshot which is like at 350 am. the next time after that is like 1130 9 days later i literally put it in my calendar on my phone. i have to do this to remind myself of the reasonable times to catch this thing like what the fuck is this ????

i have caught ealad skaan but i keep it on the list. as a reminder. one of ffxiv's worst fish and i have it by some miracle

aster trivi is just straight catch thats got some annoying timing but not as bad as cinder surpise as an example

celestial is a weird one bc it also has weird timing but the way the weather works its either available for a 2 minute window or a 23 minute window. the 23 one doesnt help i still havent gotten it

lancetfish you fucking menace you can never catch two mora tecta to pop the requirements for it in one window so youve gotta try and get one in a window before it and it sucks i hate this guy ive never gotten the intuition for it its complicated and its also a notorious one. ill just have to tough it out and afk in the area for it for periods of time to get a chance to get it. it'll probably be one of the last ones i get if i manage to be able to get it before dawntrail

pearl sucks but its just a mooch cycle i cant seem to get it in

ambling sucks bc the lizard you need to catch to mooch it i can never catch it sucks

maru crab is like aster trivi not as annoying i just havent caught it yet

charibert also like that sucks but lower on the list of the fish i hate

the last 4 are just more common ones i havent gotten for some reason or another. not for lack of trying as of late since theyre last on the list but like theyre all available right after another and for some reason they elude me

i dont know how many fish the .55 update adds but theyre gonna be a pain in the ass and ill also have to update my gear at some point but i will get it. my rarest achievements in game are fishing ones now

[writingguide003-blog]

'I completely lost it': the movie scenes that made our writers weep

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/i-completely-lost-it-the-movie-scenes-that-made-our-writers-weep-2/

'I completely lost it': the movie scenes that made our writers weep

From Toy Story 2 to Under the Skin, writers pick the cinematic moments that made them cry and explain why. Spoilers ahead

Aunt Lucys trip, Paddington 2

On the face of it, Paddington is a fairly broad kids film franchise about the hijinks of a CGI bear, and so probably shouldnt make a grown human cry hot, salty tears. But that description ignores the fact that Paddington is a really, really well-made kids film franchise about the hijinks of a CGI bear, one that completely gets the pathos of its central character, a little lost immigrant searching for something resembling a family. Both films ably tug at the heartstrings, but the second film got me sniffling as early as 15 minutes in when Paddington imagines giving his only living relative, Aunt Lucy, a tour around London, something that in reality is impossible as shes stuck thousands of miles away in darkest Peru. When at the end of the film spoiler alert Aunt Lucy arrives on the Brown familys doorstep and she and Paddington hug, I completely, unapologetically lost it. Lord knows what surprises Paddington 3 has planned for my tear ducts. GM

When She Loved Me, Toy Story 2

Just before writing this, I put When She Loved Me from Toy Story 2 on YouTube once again, just to check. Yep. Just as always, I choke up, in the same abject, lip-wobbling, head-bowed way. It still has that terrible power.

When She Loved Me is the song written by Randy Newman and sung by the devastated toy cowgirl Jessie and in fact performed, beautifully, on the soundtrack by Canadian singer Sarah McLachlan. The song is Jessies way of telling Woody why she has grimly decided to submit to the airless world of the toy museum, because it is better than the inevitable heartbreak and delusion of loving a fickle human child. She reveals her anguish that her owner, Emily, has fallen out of love with her outgrown her, in fact. As Emily entered the world of adolescence, pop music and boys, Jessie was left under the bed and finally dumped.

When I first saw this scene and misled by the size disparity between toy and owner I thought it was a parable for a childs anxiety over being abandoned by the parent. But now that I am a parent I can see the truth which is completely the opposite way around. It is about the parents fear of being abandoned by the child: the terrible fear, actually the terrible certainty, that the kid one day wont want to play with you. They will grow up and want something else. This song is utterly devastating. It is modern cinemas equivalent of the Vesti La Giubba aria from Pagliacci the tragic clown smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. Im afraid to watch it too often. I dont want to break down over and over again. But I also want to preserve its power over me. PB

Ruths death, Fried Green Tomatoes

In many respects, Fried Green Tomatoes is not a movie for the modern age. It is a story about racism in the deep south told largely by way of eliciting our sympathies for wealthy white characters; it is a story about a lesbian relationship that had to slide its lesbian relationship in unnoticed, by presenting it as a very close friendship fulfilled by food fights, poker games and heads leaning meaningfully on shoulders. But I am deeply fond of this 1991 Sunday afternoon classic. Ive seen it more times than is healthy, and so I know exactly what is coming and when, and yet am still unable to resist the inevitable guttural sobbing that comes with the death scene.

There are plenty of teasers for it, too: Buddy on the train tracks, even Mrs Threadgoode talking about the death of her adult son. Nothing, however, can prepare the viewer for Ruth asking Idgie to tell her the old story about the frozen lake thats now somewhere over in Georgia. It doesnt so much pull on heartstrings as play a full symphony on them, and its devastating. As Sipsey puts it, a lady always knows when to leave. RN

The rooftop dance, Eat Pray Love

While I was repelled by the mere existence of the Eat Pray Love book, I found something strangely charming about its big-screen translation. It was a mixture of glossy food porn, glossy travel porn and glossy Julia Roberts emoting porn (she remains one of the best fake criers in Hollywood) all wrapped up in a rather unique tale of a woman trying to unshackle herself from the men in her life. But while that all provided mostly surface-level enjoyment, one scene cut deeper and the extent to which it cuts surprises me still.

As is often with the case with movie tears, these were tied to a real-world experience that had happened not long before I sat down to watch. I was dumped by a long-term boyfriend without much of an explanation and without any sort of warning. I was heartbroken and seeking some form of closure that was kept cruelly out of reach. I didnt understand why it had happened and it was the not knowing that felt harder than the break-up itself.

In the film, Roberts character has left her flighty husband and remains haunted by the heartbreak shes caused. On a rooftop in Delhi, a vision of him appears and they dance to Neil Youngs heart-grabbing Harvest Moon, the song that was supposed to accompany their first wedding dance. She reminds him that she did love him. He tells her he still loves and misses her. They cry and continue to dance. At the end, she tells him that it wont last forever, nothing does. Its a short scene but it hit me like a bus, it still does now. My tears are for the film but theyre also for something deeper: the sting of loving someone who stopped loving me and the ache of an ending I was never allowed in real life. BL

The thunderstorm, Click

Adam Sandler can make me cry harder than hes ever made me laugh, the true test of a clown. Yes, even in the underappreciated comedy Click about a dad who finds a magical remote control in the Beyond section of Bed Bath & Beyond.

Sandlers workaholic architect fast-forwards through the worst parts of his day the dull weeknight frozen dinners with his family, the repetitive arguments, the gross times everyone gets knocked out by the flu in order to get to his next promotion so he can buy his kids whatever they want. His plan doesnt go well, of course. But whats shocking is how gut-rippingly painful it is to see Sandler hit play on his life only to realize hes skipped past everything that matters. His bodys been present, the bills have been paid, but his emotional engagements been staticky a trade-off too many of us can understand.

In the climax, old man Sandler sobs in a thunderstorm as he arrives at his daughters wedding only to learn shed rather her stepdad walk her down the aisle, and his son has grown up to mimic his job-first, family-second example. I rarely cry at unavoidable tragedies where no ones at fault. My weakness is characters regretting choices they cant rewind. Click isnt Ingmar Bergman Sandler gets a happy ending but I barely saw his relief through the rainstorm on my face. AN

The courtroom, Kramer vs Kramer

By all accounts, Robert Bentons film Kramer vs Kramer skews heavily toward Dustin Hoffmans Ted, whose wife Joanna has left him and their six-year-old son Billy. Billy and Ted make french toast together, or argue about eating ice cream before dinner, or visit the nearby jungle gym. Were it not for Meryl Streep and the trenchant, intuitive way she humanizes a woman who, in the 70s, would have otherwise been made to seem mawkish and unstable Kramer vs Kramer might be just a schmaltzy panegyric on fatherhood.

But leave it to our greatest living actor to turn a film on its head with a single scene. You know the one: Joanna, during the custody hearing, is subjected to a string of sexist questions about her failure as a wife and a mother. When asked why shes seeking custody of Billy, she blinks three times, beginning the monologue Streep herself wrote in an effort to redeem her character, who she initially perceived to be an ogre, a princess, an ass.

Billys only seven years old. He needs me, she says, reciting the word need with a whispery uptick as she glances at her ex. Im not saying he doesnt need his father. But I really believe he needs me more. After catching her breath, she becomes more emphatic: I was his mommy for five and a half years. Since I was about Billys age when my parents got divorced, ergo, too young to understand or even care, Ive always been astonished and, by proxy, moved by how compassionately Streep plumbs the depths of Joannas truth. JN

The beach, Under the Skin

Little focuses the mind more effectively on human distress than the arrival of your own kids; scenes in films which I might once have snoozed through now induce boggle-eyed terror OH MY GOD, DONT LEAVE THAT BABY NEAR THAT COFFEE TABLE, IT HASNT GOT A CORNER PROTECTOR! But nothing has topped at least, not yet the scene in Under the Skin where Scarlett Johansson murders a swimmer and drags him off to eat him.

Its not the murder thats so epically upsetting, though its gruesome enough: Johansson, playing an alien visitor permanently on the lookout for human nutrients, simply bangs him over the head with a large stone as he lies prone and exhausted on the beach. Its what goes on in the background that is so awful. A woman goes into the water to try and rescue her drowning dog, and her male partner instinctively rushes in after her, leaving their toddler alone high on the shore. Johanssons chum the only other adult on this lonely Scottish beach goes to help too.

With the speed of falling dominoes, a nice little day out unravels: the mother and father are swept away to who knows where, and the alien takes her chance to acquire their would-be rescuer as a food source. Meanwhile, the suddenly abandoned kid is shrieking in terror as the night closes in. Another, less astute film-maker, might cap the scene with the alien scooping the kid up and adding him to her dinner menu, but what Glazer contrives is absolutely horrifying. Johansson-alien simply ignores it, and leaves it alone. The film moves on, this incident consigned to the past.

I have to confess I was absolutely blindsided by the scene; mostly, I think, because of the its sheer unexpectedness. I think I was gripped by a kind of internal hysteria: shock, hyperventilation, a feeling the back of my head might explode. (I cant say I actually cried though I may have, but in the confusion I cant really remember.) I certainly had to hold on to the seat to stop myself bolting out of the cinema then and there. I am aware theres a some degree of self-indulgence here: the fact that my daughter was about the same age as the kid in the film undoubtedly super-sensitised my reactions. But everyone has their weak spot; this is very much mine. AP

The birth, Cheaper by the Dozen 2

Cheaper by the Dozen 2, if you havent seen it you probably havent, why would you have? is the sequel to the remake of family comedy Cheaper by the Dozen, and Im sure it was made because Steve Martin, the star of the franchise, needed to pay his mortgage. The main gist of the movie is that Martin and his wife, played by Bonnie Hunt, have 12 children who get into various japes. Its asinine. But during a time in my life when I was making a lot of transatlantic flights, Cheaper By the Dozen 2 was always an option on the British Airways seatback televisions, and one day I found, because of the frequency of my flights, I had watched all of the other films.

What choice did I have? At the climactic scene, where the oldest daughter, played by Piper Perabo, gives birth, and then names the baby after her father because he has shown her that there is no way to be a perfect parent, but a million ways to be a really good one, I cried so much the man sitting next to me regarded me with what appeared to be real concern. There may have not been enough cocktail napkins on the whole plane to dry my tears. Was it the recycled air? Was it the two miniature bottles of white wine? Or was it that a joyful childbirth scene can warm the cockles of even the coldest of hearts? JHE

The accidental reunion, Manchester by the Sea

Weve got a real talent for repression back in Massachusetts. Kenneth Lonergans searing Manchester by the Sea plays out a 15-minute drive from my childhood home and, true to life, the characters all struggle to articulate the perfect storms of emotion raging within them.

When Lee (Casey Affleck) has a chance encounter with his ex-wife Randi (Michelle Williams), the shared history between them is literally unspeakable. They sputter out fragments of sentences that act as a shorthand for vast reservoirs of guilt and self-loathing they cant bear to express, and because they know one another so intimately, they can intuit all the meaning they have to. Theyve both shoved a lot deep down inside just so they can look at themselves in the mirror, and when in the presence of the only other person on the planet who understands what theyve been through, some of it has to come out. Randi does most of the talking, inviting Lee to lunch so they can get some closure, and he ends the conversation by walking away. Shes ready to face her past and be fully present in the new life shes built for herself. Lee, a North Shore boy born and bred, feels more comfortable starting a bar fight as his form of therapy. CB

The hotel, Unrelated

Joanna Hoggs first film, Unrelated, has had something of a second life on account of being the debut of Tom Hiddleston, and set during a Tuscan summer, which means swimming pool, which means toplessness, and lots of it. Its nice to imagine the Loki-lovers streaming this masterpiece of English upper-middle-class excruciation. As its ending shows, specificity is no barrier to emotional oomph.

The story sees a woman in her early 40s, Anna (Kathryn Worth), holidaying with old friends and their teenage children. She finds she prefers the company of the kids, especially the charming Oakley (Hiddleston, then 26, playing eight years younger). The holiday implodes. Anna goes to stay at a grim airport hotel. Her friend visits, crossly wanting to know whats behind her behaviour. Anna explains that, quite recently, she thought she was pregnant but no, in fact, it was an early menopause. Shell never be able to have children. She sobs and bends double on the bed. It is shot in one take, from the middle distance, acted with a banal frankness which feels like eavesdropping.

When I saw it a decade back, it floored me: a twist I hadnt foreseen, a pain I could only imagine. A few years ago, I began consciously avoiding the film, fearful a similar fate awaited me. Now I can safely watch it again or, I thought I could, but Hogg is much too superb and mysterious a film-maker for that. It isnt simply the information which is terrible, it is the dreadful catharsis of its expression, coming after so much obfuscation. The stifle has gone; instead there is the most awful sadness. Buttoning up is often the bravest way. CS

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[writingguide003-blog]

'I completely lost it': the movie scenes that made our writers weep

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/i-completely-lost-it-the-movie-scenes-that-made-our-writers-weep/

'I completely lost it': the movie scenes that made our writers weep

From Toy Story 2 to Under the Skin, writers pick the cinematic moments that made them cry and explain why. Spoilers ahead

Aunt Lucys trip, Paddington 2

On the face of it, Paddington is a fairly broad kids film franchise about the hijinks of a CGI bear, and so probably shouldnt make a grown human cry hot, salty tears. But that description ignores the fact that Paddington is a really, really well-made kids film franchise about the hijinks of a CGI bear, one that completely gets the pathos of its central character, a little lost immigrant searching for something resembling a family. Both films ably tug at the heartstrings, but the second film got me sniffling as early as 15 minutes in when Paddington imagines giving his only living relative, Aunt Lucy, a tour around London, something that in reality is impossible as shes stuck thousands of miles away in darkest Peru. When at the end of the film spoiler alert Aunt Lucy arrives on the Brown familys doorstep and she and Paddington hug, I completely, unapologetically lost it. Lord knows what surprises Paddington 3 has planned for my tear ducts. GM

When She Loved Me, Toy Story 2

Just before writing this, I put When She Loved Me from Toy Story 2 on YouTube once again, just to check. Yep. Just as always, I choke up, in the same abject, lip-wobbling, head-bowed way. It still has that terrible power.

When She Loved Me is the song written by Randy Newman and sung by the devastated toy cowgirl Jessie and in fact performed, beautifully, on the soundtrack by Canadian singer Sarah McLachlan. The song is Jessies way of telling Woody why she has grimly decided to submit to the airless world of the toy museum, because it is better than the inevitable heartbreak and delusion of loving a fickle human child. She reveals her anguish that her owner, Emily, has fallen out of love with her outgrown her, in fact. As Emily entered the world of adolescence, pop music and boys, Jessie was left under the bed and finally dumped.

When I first saw this scene and misled by the size disparity between toy and owner I thought it was a parable for a childs anxiety over being abandoned by the parent. But now that I am a parent I can see the truth which is completely the opposite way around. It is about the parents fear of being abandoned by the child: the terrible fear, actually the terrible certainty, that the kid one day wont want to play with you. They will grow up and want something else. This song is utterly devastating. It is modern cinemas equivalent of the Vesti La Giubba aria from Pagliacci the tragic clown smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. Im afraid to watch it too often. I dont want to break down over and over again. But I also want to preserve its power over me. PB

Ruths death, Fried Green Tomatoes

In many respects, Fried Green Tomatoes is not a movie for the modern age. It is a story about racism in the deep south told largely by way of eliciting our sympathies for wealthy white characters; it is a story about a lesbian relationship that had to slide its lesbian relationship in unnoticed, by presenting it as a very close friendship fulfilled by food fights, poker games and heads leaning meaningfully on shoulders. But I am deeply fond of this 1991 Sunday afternoon classic. Ive seen it more times than is healthy, and so I know exactly what is coming and when, and yet am still unable to resist the inevitable guttural sobbing that comes with the death scene.

There are plenty of teasers for it, too: Buddy on the train tracks, even Mrs Threadgoode talking about the death of her adult son. Nothing, however, can prepare the viewer for Ruth asking Idgie to tell her the old story about the frozen lake thats now somewhere over in Georgia. It doesnt so much pull on heartstrings as play a full symphony on them, and its devastating. As Sipsey puts it, a lady always knows when to leave. RN

The rooftop dance, Eat Pray Love

While I was repelled by the mere existence of the Eat Pray Love book, I found something strangely charming about its big-screen translation. It was a mixture of glossy food porn, glossy travel porn and glossy Julia Roberts emoting porn (she remains one of the best fake criers in Hollywood) all wrapped up in a rather unique tale of a woman trying to unshackle herself from the men in her life. But while that all provided mostly surface-level enjoyment, one scene cut deeper and the extent to which it cuts surprises me still.

As is often with the case with movie tears, these were tied to a real-world experience that had happened not long before I sat down to watch. I was dumped by a long-term boyfriend without much of an explanation and without any sort of warning. I was heartbroken and seeking some form of closure that was kept cruelly out of reach. I didnt understand why it had happened and it was the not knowing that felt harder than the break-up itself.

In the film, Roberts character has left her flighty husband and remains haunted by the heartbreak shes caused. On a rooftop in Delhi, a vision of him appears and they dance to Neil Youngs heart-grabbing Harvest Moon, the song that was supposed to accompany their first wedding dance. She reminds him that she did love him. He tells her he still loves and misses her. They cry and continue to dance. At the end, she tells him that it wont last forever, nothing does. Its a short scene but it hit me like a bus, it still does now. My tears are for the film but theyre also for something deeper: the sting of loving someone who stopped loving me and the ache of an ending I was never allowed in real life. BL

The thunderstorm, Click

Adam Sandler can make me cry harder than hes ever made me laugh, the true test of a clown. Yes, even in the underappreciated comedy Click about a dad who finds a magical remote control in the Beyond section of Bed Bath & Beyond.

Sandlers workaholic architect fast-forwards through the worst parts of his day the dull weeknight frozen dinners with his family, the repetitive arguments, the gross times everyone gets knocked out by the flu in order to get to his next promotion so he can buy his kids whatever they want. His plan doesnt go well, of course. But whats shocking is how gut-rippingly painful it is to see Sandler hit play on his life only to realize hes skipped past everything that matters. His bodys been present, the bills have been paid, but his emotional engagements been staticky a trade-off too many of us can understand.

In the climax, old man Sandler sobs in a thunderstorm as he arrives at his daughters wedding only to learn shed rather her stepdad walk her down the aisle, and his son has grown up to mimic his job-first, family-second example. I rarely cry at unavoidable tragedies where no ones at fault. My weakness is characters regretting choices they cant rewind. Click isnt Ingmar Bergman Sandler gets a happy ending but I barely saw his relief through the rainstorm on my face. AN

The courtroom, Kramer vs Kramer

By all accounts, Robert Bentons film Kramer vs Kramer skews heavily toward Dustin Hoffmans Ted, whose wife Joanna has left him and their six-year-old son Billy. Billy and Ted make french toast together, or argue about eating ice cream before dinner, or visit the nearby jungle gym. Were it not for Meryl Streep and the trenchant, intuitive way she humanizes a woman who, in the 70s, would have otherwise been made to seem mawkish and unstable Kramer vs Kramer might be just a schmaltzy panegyric on fatherhood.

But leave it to our greatest living actor to turn a film on its head with a single scene. You know the one: Joanna, during the custody hearing, is subjected to a string of sexist questions about her failure as a wife and a mother. When asked why shes seeking custody of Billy, she blinks three times, beginning the monologue Streep herself wrote in an effort to redeem her character, who she initially perceived to be an ogre, a princess, an ass.

Billys only seven years old. He needs me, she says, reciting the word need with a whispery uptick as she glances at her ex. Im not saying he doesnt need his father. But I really believe he needs me more. After catching her breath, she becomes more emphatic: I was his mommy for five and a half years. Since I was about Billys age when my parents got divorced, ergo, too young to understand or even care, Ive always been astonished and, by proxy, moved by how compassionately Streep plumbs the depths of Joannas truth. JN

The beach, Under the Skin

Little focuses the mind more effectively on human distress than the arrival of your own kids; scenes in films which I might once have snoozed through now induce boggle-eyed terror OH MY GOD, DONT LEAVE THAT BABY NEAR THAT COFFEE TABLE, IT HASNT GOT A CORNER PROTECTOR! But nothing has topped at least, not yet the scene in Under the Skin where Scarlett Johansson murders a swimmer and drags him off to eat him.

Its not the murder thats so epically upsetting, though its gruesome enough: Johansson, playing an alien visitor permanently on the lookout for human nutrients, simply bangs him over the head with a large stone as he lies prone and exhausted on the beach. Its what goes on in the background that is so awful. A woman goes into the water to try and rescue her drowning dog, and her male partner instinctively rushes in after her, leaving their toddler alone high on the shore. Johanssons chum the only other adult on this lonely Scottish beach goes to help too.

With the speed of falling dominoes, a nice little day out unravels: the mother and father are swept away to who knows where, and the alien takes her chance to acquire their would-be rescuer as a food source. Meanwhile, the suddenly abandoned kid is shrieking in terror as the night closes in. Another, less astute film-maker, might cap the scene with the alien scooping the kid up and adding him to her dinner menu, but what Glazer contrives is absolutely horrifying. Johansson-alien simply ignores it, and leaves it alone. The film moves on, this incident consigned to the past.

I have to confess I was absolutely blindsided by the scene; mostly, I think, because of the its sheer unexpectedness. I think I was gripped by a kind of internal hysteria: shock, hyperventilation, a feeling the back of my head might explode. (I cant say I actually cried though I may have, but in the confusion I cant really remember.) I certainly had to hold on to the seat to stop myself bolting out of the cinema then and there. I am aware theres a some degree of self-indulgence here: the fact that my daughter was about the same age as the kid in the film undoubtedly super-sensitised my reactions. But everyone has their weak spot; this is very much mine. AP

The birth, Cheaper by the Dozen 2

Cheaper by the Dozen 2, if you havent seen it you probably havent, why would you have? is the sequel to the remake of family comedy Cheaper by the Dozen, and Im sure it was made because Steve Martin, the star of the franchise, needed to pay his mortgage. The main gist of the movie is that Martin and his wife, played by Bonnie Hunt, have 12 children who get into various japes. Its asinine. But during a time in my life when I was making a lot of transatlantic flights, Cheaper By the Dozen 2 was always an option on the British Airways seatback televisions, and one day I found, because of the frequency of my flights, I had watched all of the other films.

What choice did I have? At the climactic scene, where the oldest daughter, played by Piper Perabo, gives birth, and then names the baby after her father because he has shown her that there is no way to be a perfect parent, but a million ways to be a really good one, I cried so much the man sitting next to me regarded me with what appeared to be real concern. There may have not been enough cocktail napkins on the whole plane to dry my tears. Was it the recycled air? Was it the two miniature bottles of white wine? Or was it that a joyful childbirth scene can warm the cockles of even the coldest of hearts? JHE

The accidental reunion, Manchester by the Sea

Weve got a real talent for repression back in Massachusetts. Kenneth Lonergans searing Manchester by the Sea plays out a 15-minute drive from my childhood home and, true to life, the characters all struggle to articulate the perfect storms of emotion raging within them.

When Lee (Casey Affleck) has a chance encounter with his ex-wife Randi (Michelle Williams), the shared history between them is literally unspeakable. They sputter out fragments of sentences that act as a shorthand for vast reservoirs of guilt and self-loathing they cant bear to express, and because they know one another so intimately, they can intuit all the meaning they have to. Theyve both shoved a lot deep down inside just so they can look at themselves in the mirror, and when in the presence of the only other person on the planet who understands what theyve been through, some of it has to come out. Randi does most of the talking, inviting Lee to lunch so they can get some closure, and he ends the conversation by walking away. Shes ready to face her past and be fully present in the new life shes built for herself. Lee, a North Shore boy born and bred, feels more comfortable starting a bar fight as his form of therapy. CB

The hotel, Unrelated

Joanna Hoggs first film, Unrelated, has had something of a second life on account of being the debut of Tom Hiddleston, and set during a Tuscan summer, which means swimming pool, which means toplessness, and lots of it. Its nice to imagine the Loki-lovers streaming this masterpiece of English upper-middle-class excruciation. As its ending shows, specificity is no barrier to emotional oomph.

The story sees a woman in her early 40s, Anna (Kathryn Worth), holidaying with old friends and their teenage children. She finds she prefers the company of the kids, especially the charming Oakley (Hiddleston, then 26, playing eight years younger). The holiday implodes. Anna goes to stay at a grim airport hotel. Her friend visits, crossly wanting to know whats behind her behaviour. Anna explains that, quite recently, she thought she was pregnant but no, in fact, it was an early menopause. Shell never be able to have children. She sobs and bends double on the bed. It is shot in one take, from the middle distance, acted with a banal frankness which feels like eavesdropping.

When I saw it a decade back, it floored me: a twist I hadnt foreseen, a pain I could only imagine. A few years ago, I began consciously avoiding the film, fearful a similar fate awaited me. Now I can safely watch it again or, I thought I could, but Hogg is much too superb and mysterious a film-maker for that. It isnt simply the information which is terrible, it is the dreadful catharsis of its expression, coming after so much obfuscation. The stifle has gone; instead there is the most awful sadness. Buttoning up is often the bravest way. CS

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