#if its that big a deal it'll start mattering for realsies and if its not ill just let it lie until next appointment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bitegore · 10 months ago

Text

getting mental healthcare is really cool, its like asking someone to take a sledgehammer to your self-interest and then saying thank you after because it makes your life moderately easier even though you have to deal with this shit now

#red rambles #my psychiatrist wants to put me on anxiety medication to help me sleep because she thinks the issue with me sleeping and stuff is ptsd rela #related and I CANT REALLY ARGUE??? i dont think it is and as far as im concerned i dont feel anxiety at all but like I CANT REALLY ARGUE. i #keep thinking about it because to be completely honest this pisses me off more than i can express in words and ive been gnashing my teeth #about it all afternoon and like i dont think 'i have to play loud and abrasive music at night or else i jerk awake at every sound and can't #convince myself it was nothing and also have auditory hallucina #oh fuck. lmfao i forgot to mention that.#she was even talking about how auditory hallucinations are a lot more significant and i do just kind of have low grade auditory hallucinati #all the fucking time i just dont pay attention to them because i play music and ignore it. hashtag mentally healthy and sound #like im fine the last time i heard a coherent Voice telling me to coherent Do Things i was like 17 lmfao #but i sure do hear footsteps that aren't and breaking glass that isnt and indistinct human voice murmuring sounds that arent all the time #........ fucking i dont feel like emailing her to be like hi i forgot to mention this because i am so good at tuning it all out.#if its that big a deal it'll start mattering for realsies and if its not ill just let it lie until next appointment #ANYWAY THAT DOES KIND OF SOUND LIKE THE BEHAVIORS OF AN ANXIOUS PERSON. A LITTLE.#the jerking awake if there are noises and making up noises to jerk awake to bit. specifically #but also like it doesnt scare me it just makes me wake up and then i am awake and going 'what??? bhuh???' and then im mad im awake but #im not scared very often. it takes a lot. ignore that the last time i got significantly capital s scared was like two weeks ago i thought m #friend's house was on fire and they were about to go to sleep and die. thats a reasonable situation to be freaked out in #ANYWAY THIS PISSES ME OFF REALLY BAD. I DONT LIEK IT.

3 notes · View notes