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popopretty · 4 years ago

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Storm Bringer Spoilers (6)

One of my favorite scenes where Port Mafia went all out on Verlaine in CODE;4. I like this part because it introduced a lot of Port Mafia’s skill users that have never appeared in both the manga and the other novels. It was so fun to read.

Dazai made some interesting statements and theories here too. I like the dialogue at the end, where he kinda slipped and let out some of his real emotions.

PS: I can’t believe I actually typed out 5000 words! I was drafting this on my phone so I didn’t notice the actual amount of words. I know it’s not gonna be perfect and I am gonna make mistakes and I will want to punch myself so much but gosh, I am so proud of myself now!

...

The train driver put one hand on the handle, his eyes staring at the darkness in front of him.

Twenty-seven years of service. He is a veteran. He has held this handle through rains and winds, through the Great War where the bombs poured down like rain, messing up the landform.

Even for him, today’s job is unusual.

The train company he works for was bought out overnight. Together with the trains and the service schedules. Then he was ordered to operate a temporary ride. Yet there is only one passenger on this train. Even when he protested to his boss, what he got was only “stop questioning and just drive.” And then one more thing, “If you run away, it will be even worse.”

The driver took another look at the scenery in front of him. The trees have sunk into the darkness. All he could see were the silver railroad tracks and the yellow headlight. Those are the only guidelines to tell where the train is heading.

What his boss said might actually be true. Putting other cities aside, this is the unorthodox Yokohama. Anything can happen. Even if there is only one passenger, he has no intention to talk to them. If he does so, he might end up having to catch his cut off head with his chest. _

At that moment, from the eternal darkness of the night that looks no different from the bottom of the ocean, he felt something moving.

His well-trained eyes managed to capture it from the distance. Is that an animal? No. Is it just the trees rustling? No.

That’s a person.

A person is standing on the track.

He pulled the break even before his brain went ”Oh no”.

The compressed air was released, and the train’s speed reducer made a violent metallic noise. But it was too late. The train bumped straight into that human figure.

However, that figure took the train’s hit. A tremendous force was applied on the train. The first car jumped forward. It was like they were being pulled, the rear cars also jumped off, derailed, rolling over into the woods. Like a rampaging huge iron snake, the train hollowed out a big area around it, knocked down a bunch of trees, before finally stopping.

The person who witnessed the whole event, Verlaine, smiled with satisfaction. He took the train head-on but suffered no scratches. He started walking. Towards the car with Mori Ougai. Jumping over the cars half-buried underground, getting through the cars whose electric system were starting to catch fire, he reached his target.

Mori Ougai was lying face-down. The train was fully flipped sideway, the walls become the floors and the ceilings became the walls. He was facing away from Verlaine, not moving an inch. From beneath his body, a pool of blood is slowly spreading.

He did investigate the target’s skill in advanced. It’s not the kind of secret that a formal spy like him cannot find out. Mori Ougai does not possess a skill that can withstand such an impact.

“Too easy.”

Verlaine muttered and approached his target. He is not as stupid to walk away without confirming if his target is really dead or not. He is going to check and if by some rare chances the target is still alive, he will finish them off for real.

Verlaine flipped Mori Ougai’s body over. Then his eyes opened wide.

That was not Mori Ougai.

That was a man he had never seen. He was wearing a wig and clothes to disguise as Mori Ougai. But Verlaine’s assassination preparation was thorough. He had set up a hidden surveillance device in the last station. And the images taken from there were definitely Mori Ougai’s.

When he grabbed the man trying to confirm his identity, suddenly a hand was put on his chest.

“Too easy.”

A powerful repulsive force coming from a skill blew Verlaine away. He flew through the glass windows and landed on the humus soil outside. He rolled further while scattering the soil, and hit his back against a tree before finally stopping.

”... Not bad.”

Verlaine push his hand on the tree to stand up.

He brushed off the dirt from his clothes and started thinking. The face he saw at that moment moment, the repulsive force coming from his palm. That was probably one of Port Mafia’s constituent members, the one who with the repulsion skill, Hirotsu Ryurou.

A double!

They knew about the hidden device and let Mori Ougai’s image captured on purpose, then quickly switched the double in. In other words, Verlaine’s assassination plan was seen through. Ever since he came to this country, he only knew one person who has the ability to outsmart him with such finesse.

“Hello, Verlaine-san.” A small was sitting on the edge of a car, on top of the overturned train.

“Dazai-kun”, Verlaine said as he picked up the hat that had fallen to his feet. “I have heard the saying that age doesn’t matter when it comes to talent, but you are really frightening.”

“You are just bad.” Dazai said with a dry voice as though he was lecturing Verlaine. “This time you acted on your personal feelings too much. When you are like that, I can read all your moves. Why are you so obsessed with Chuuya?”

“Is it that strange for someone to be concerned about his brother?”, Verlaine said as he dusted the mud off his clothes.

“It is, a lot.” Dazai affirmed. “First of all, what made you believe so firmly that Chuuya was your brother?”

“What?” Verlaine narrowed his eyes.

“You saw that too, right? Chuuya’s original experimental body. Turned into bones and died.” Dazai spoke while swinging his legs that were dangling out of the train top. “That looks almost the same as Chuuya in terms of appearance. In terms of abilities, too. And a lot of other things in common. What if that thing was actually a skill-containing artificial life form, and the Chuuya who is living outside, whose only redeeming trait is being energetic, was the original one? Can someone like you who is not an expert, someone who has only browsed through limited materials from the past, see through that?”

“That is impossible.” Verlaine shook his head. “I’m not as stupid as to mistake the target in my infiltration mission. What I stole away from the lab nine years ago was undoubtedly the same as me, an artificial life-form.”

“If I look it up I will understand right away.” Dazai said casually. “Fortunately this time, the guys from the labs has demonstrated the method to rewrite the code formula inside Chuuya. If I capture some of those researchers using Mafia’s power, they will be more than happy to tell me how to read those codes. And then I will know which one Chuuya is actually. We have all the time in the world.”

“You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don’t you?”

“I am”, Dazai laughed with a sigh. “There is no way a man-made string of code could create such a personality that I detest that much.”

Verlaine signed then started walking towards Dazai. His footsteps were heavy, as if he had to clean up a lot of tedious work.

“I can gently whole-heartedly explain to you the reason that was a misunderstanding... but now I have another job for you.“ he said, walking up the gentle slope that he fell from. “That is to spit out where Mori himself, not his double, is. It’s a painstaking job. Literally”

“So you have no intention to back off?”

“Of course not.”

Dazai didn’t look at anything, he gazed aimlessly into the air, “Is that so?”. Then he spoke with a disappointed face, “Then it is your loss.” A sniper bullet went straight for Verlaine’s head. Verlaine bent his upper body, and felt down the slope of humus. He rolled three times then looked up, looking at Dazai with stern eyes.

“Sniper?”

Before he could finish his sentence, yet another bullet struck Verlaine’s forehead. He almost fell to his side, pushing his hands against the ground to support.

“Your ability only works on things that you can touch.” Dazai said, swinging his legs as he looked down on his opponent. “That’s why the bullets that hit you will hit you. They just stop immediately. However, if we aim a larger sniper bullet, which has several times the velocity of a normal bullet, then it will still give you a blow the moment you use your gravity to stop it. Also...”

Dazai casually raised his hand.

From the top of the hill, through the gaps of the trees, from inside the humus, on top of big trees, more than fifty sniper bullets were fired at Verlaine at the same time. All the bullets pierced him, Verlaine growled.

Verlaine tried to hide under the shades of the trees while protecting himself by gravity. But even in the places he ran to, he got attacked from behind. Even if he tried to lower his posture to hide, the attack would come from above the trees. He had nowhere to run.

“To be able to set up this many snipers... in such a short time...”

A bullet pierced through Verlaine’s clothes and slid through his skin. It’s not a wound that could make him bleed, but there are so many of them. Ten shots in one second, then twenty, and more kept coming. It’s like the air that surrounds his whole body has become his enemies and attacked him.

Verlaine had no choice but to protect his head with his two arms and rolled himself up.

“You picked the wrong opponent, Verlaine-san.” Dazai chuckled. “I am an expert when it comes to dealing with gravity. Because no matter if I wake or sleep, the only thing I think about is how to annoy Chuuya.”

“Don’t underestimate me!”

While enduring the rain of bullets that were striking him, Verlaine grabbed a tree close by and pulled it out of the ground.

“You think you can kill me with this kind of rock throwing play? Verlaine swung the tree, trying to throw it. He planned to use the tree as a spear to crush the snipers who were hiding faraway in the dark.

However, that hand of his stopped halfway.

It was because the tree had been cut into pieces.

“Hoho, if I look closely, you look terribly like my subordinate.”

There was a flowing female voice as graceful as the sound of harp.

The burning bright red hair, eyes of the same color. Her crimson red

ombré looked like the color of ripen maple leaves. The most eye-catching thing was what floated beside her, a masked demon in a kimono. The demon was tall with long hair. She carried a sword of almost the same height as a child, as if it had no weights at all. The golden kimono melt into the air from her knees downwards, showing that it was not a real body.

“However, it was Mr. Brother who selfishly tried to poach our boy from us. I guess I can let that go after cutting off one of your limbs or two. So you’d better get lost quickly.”

Ozaki Kouyou. The Port Mafia’s young sword-woman. A powerful skill user who took Chuuya as her subordinate, accompanied by the golden demon, an embodiment of her skill, a beautiful beast.

Kouyou rolled a bright peony-colored umbrella on her shoulder. And then she twisted its handle and pulled it out. A silver blade appeared. A hidden sword.

“Mafia’s skill user?” Verlaine smiled like a beast. “But what can a mere ability user with two swords can do against gravity?”

Verlaine lowered his posture, ready to jump at Kouyou.

“Who said that I was alone?”

Verlaine’s body sank in.

Startled, Verlaine looked at his feet. The ground undulated like a snake, swallowing his two legs and even crawling up.

Verlaine was caught by surprise. He got rid of the gravity of his own body and jumped up. He landed on a trunk of a tree nearby. But even the trunk that definitely looked tough started to liquify the moment his shoes touched. It reached for Verlaine, trying to eat him up.

“This is...” Verlaine leaped again. However, the spot he planned to land on already turned into a mud with a will of its own, opening its mouth to wait for him.

“Hahaha. Keep running, young man. Youngsters like you exist to entertain this old man. Please die quickly and offer your head to me.”

Coming from the darkness of the woods was a big, strong man who looked just like a big tree. A military uniform that has faded in places. His bristle looked like a sewing needle. He wore a judo belt around his waist, and wooden clogs on his feet The arms folding in front of his chest were as thick as a tree that has lived for hundred years.

Port Mafia’s elite, a veteran who survived the Great War. His nickname in the organization is “Colonel.”

He swung his arms like an ancient tree and squeezed his fist tightly in front of his eyes. At the same time, the ground started to muffle. The liquified soil, trees, even the overturned train, all rushed to attack Verlaine in the air. An skill user who can manipulate objects and turn them into liquids?

Verlaine kicked the first wave of liquified soil that came towards him and retreated backward. But the soil was also coming from that direction. Even if he tried to change his orbit to run, liquified soil was still coming from beneath his feet and above his head. If they touched him they would still be blown away by the gravity, but the liquid will start to cover up from the top again, giving no time for Verlaine to prepare a counter attack.

On top of that, as if to stitch up the gaps, there were sniper shots coming from all directions.

“Tch...”

Verlaine densified a small amount of dust in the air, and stepped on that to leap his body up. He wanted to take some distance. Abilities that manipulate things like Colonel’s, in most of the cases won’t work for things that are out of their sights. That’s why he planned to hide deep in the wood then throw a huge rock enforced by gravity to finish them off.

An odd thing entered Verlaine’s field of vision at that moment.

A watch.

A watch was floating in the air.

From the outside, it looked just like a normal pocket watch. A dial with numbers, a long hand and a short hand, a crown, and the internal mechanism peeking out from the edge of the dial.

The strange thing about it was that it had a size of a man’s upper body. Also, it kept turning around as if it was staring at Verlaine.

Verlaine, who possesses a wide range of knowledge on skill users, sensed the danger from that watch almost immediately.

He tore off one button from the sleeve of his suit and amplified its gravity until it weighted dozens of kilograms. Then he threw it towards the watch.

That button comet holding enough power to knock down a building, however, couldn't interfere with the watch. It smoothly slipped through the watch, knocked off trees and disappeared into darkness.

“You can’t destroy that thing.”

A gloomy voice came from the ground.

Verlaine diverted his gaze and without his notice, a boy was already sitting on the ground. He was hugging his knees with his two arms, looking miserable. He looked up at Verlaine.

“It’s no use. That thing looks at everyone. Including me, and you. We have no choices but to die. One day it will find us. One day it will catch up with us. It’s　“time”. It’s the enemy of us all.”

He looked and sounded miserably. His clothes were so long it became awkward. The hems were all frayed. The boy who was so skinny you could see his bones through his clothes glared at Verlaine and waved his finger as if he was telling him “Come here, come here.”

The two hands of the watch clicked and pointed to the number 12 at the same time. Immediately afterwards, the watch in the air was sucked into Verlaine.

That was not a metaphor, it was literally sucked into him, into his chest.

Being wary of the disappeared watch, Verlaine stiffened his body. But nothing happened. There is nothing within his sig...

The liquified soil twisted around his legs.

Startled, Verlaine shook the liquid off by gravity. Then he looked around. He had got pretty far away for sure. It was so strange that the liquified soil could chase him this close. Right after that was a shock. A sniper bullet hit his head. Verlaine span halfway in the air. He landed on the ground, scraping the humus to stop.

It was weird. The speed of the sniper attack went up. The speed of the bullet by the moment it reached him was so fast that even if he used gravity to bounce it back, he was also blown away by a corresponding force.

“Did they replace their guns or bullets with more powerful ones? No, this is...”

The ground liquified again. Verlaine jumped out to dodge, before being eaten by the soil. But the speed of the liquid tentacles that extended and followed him also increased. Verlaine took a quick look around. From the treetops that were hit by the sniper attack just now, leaves were falling down. They were not fluttering, they were dropping as if they were stabbing the ground. This means, the attack speed didn’t get faster...

“Was my time... slowed down?”

“Everyone will die before me.” the gloomy boy stared at Verlaine with dubious eyes filled with hatred. “Brothers, parents, everyone will be killed by time. But I will get away with it. With this special power of mine”

A skill user who meddles with time. For the first time, Verlaine got a cold sweat on his forehead.

Time manipulation is not just a powerful skill, it is a extraordinary skill out of this world. As far as Verlaine knew, there were only a few cases reported in the world. The fist on the list of those time manipulation skill users who are separated from the world’s reasons, was a former skilled mechanic, H.G. Wells. After creating the skilled weapons called the “Shell”, she disappeared and became the world’s worst terrorist.

The time manipulation type of skills tinker the basic principles of this world, and rewrite them at will. Because if you look from the universe’s perspective, time and space are equivalent. The time manipulation skill users hold the same power that can alter the world, just like Verlaine’s gravity. Verlaine whose movements have become dulled because of the time delay　was flooded with Mafia’s attacks. All the bullets, the swords and liquified soil.

Even if he tried to retreat, because his time has been delayed, he could only move sluggishly as if he was under water.

Verlaine’s expressions became stiff.

Dazai gracefully looked at the wooded area echoing with gun shots and roaring sounds. He looked down at the battlefield that had turned into a hell, with such a carefree expression that cooled down in the night breeze._

“This is the rule of this world.” Dazai spoke like he was singing. “It applied in all times and ages, all creatures, the absolute truth. In this world, a group is stronger than an individual. A skill user is stronger than a group. And then...”

Feeling the pleasant cold breeze coming from the blasts of the battle on his cheeks, Dazai smiled.

“... a group of skill users are stronger than one skill user.”

Verlaine pushed his body’s gravity to the max. With a powerful driving force that surpassed the effect of the time manipulation skill, he quickly escaped from the battlefield. Verlaine’s bones cracked at the sudden speed acceleration that exceeded his limit.

Even when the danger struck in front of him, Verlaine’s judgement did not falter. It was not yet a hopeless situation. He would retreat as much as he could, taking as much distance he could from the waves of skill attacks. Then he would fix his posture, manipulate the gravity of the bullets that managed to reach him, repel them and knock down the skill users, one by one. That would be his win then.

Only three skill users. Not too much of a difference in strength.

Suddenly, blood came out from his skin.

Verlaine looked at his cuffs. The skin under his clothes was peeled off, exposing the flesh inside. But only a little blood came out. He felt almost no pains.

He landed down on the ground as a reflex. Upon touching the ground, the skin inside his shoes also came off. He could tell by the slippery feel from it. But again, there was no pain.

That was a new skill attack. But the true nature of it immediately became clear.

His breath was white.

His skin is frozen, there was frost on his eyelashes.

“Let us be held. By the frozen love. Let us be held. By the frozen flower that breaks in its full bloom.” the new skill user appeared, singing with a thin and screechy voice.

Long, white hair, white fur around her shoulders, white breath. And a crimson red rose on her chest. Every time the woman takes one breath, the trees around her froze, cracked up and snapped due to the water inside it freezing and expanding.

Verlaine understood it right away.

A skill user who can cool off the temperate. The reason why his skin was peeled off earlier was because the skin was exposed to the low temperature and got stuck to the inside of his clothes and shoes. His body really became that cold in just an instant. He was frozen from flesh to born, but not much time has even passed.

A super dangerous skill user. Freezing attack does not involve physical clashes. That’s why he can’t dodge them using gravity. It is his natural enemy

Another sniper bullet hit Verlaine’s shoulder. He groaned in pain.

The bullet was cold. It froze by the time it touched his skin, forming a frost pillar. The low temperature invaded into him through the wound, eating up his flesh.

The enemies attacks were too synchronized. Time delay, freezing, sniping. Apparently, it was a tactic that had been put together to block all of Verlaine’s strengths and exploit his weaknesses. There is still something strange about this. He has been retreating at a considerable speed since a while ago, yet the gunshots never stopped. His escape route was totally seen through. Normally if he ran at this speed in the woods in the middle of the night, he would immediately disappear from the telescopic sight. Losing the targets, sniping attack would definitely become impossible. So why?

“Hihihihi, what a sweet face. Hey, just between us, but if you cry and slobber and apologize here, maybe I will let you go this time?”

The voice was close. Really close.

Verlaine turned to that direction. No one was there... No.

In the middle of no where, a hole the size of a coin was opened. It was like the space was burnt and hollowed out, and on the other side of the hole was another different space. From that side, a black eye was staring at this side through the hole.

“Yes, it’s me. You are being watched. From now on, you can be assured even if you lock your toilet door hihihihi”

The hole was so small to see the entire thing. But that eye alone is enough. The eye was filled with malice. It had been watching Verlaine, chasing him and reporting about his positions all the time.

Verlaine fired a rotary kick by reflex at the hole.

“Oops.”

Right before being hit, the hole closed up and disappeared.

“I’m here.”

The voice came from behind. When he turned around, the same hole had been opened in a different place, looking straight at Verlaine.

That was the type of skill that connects space and monitor the targets. The skill user was probably sitting in another safe place, and monitoring the whole battle using their space connection skill. He couldn’t attack the actual skill user. If he tried to touch it, it would close immediately so he wouldn’t be able to destroy it using gravity.

Just how many skill users they have thrown in this battle?

“Hihihi, I have a present for you. From Port Mafia with love.”

From the coin-sized hole, flower petals flew out. Countless petals surrounded Verlaine then started to shine white. Yet another new skill.

The moment Verlaine tried to take a quick avoidance action, all the flower petals exploded at once.

From the train where he sat, Dazai could see the light from that explosion very clearly. The white light split open the woods at night, the afterglow burnt into the night sky.

Dazai looked at that scene, he was grinning.

“How is it going, Dazai-dono?”

From inside the train, a middle-aged man appear. He was wearing the boss’ outfit. He was the one who played the boss’ double, Hirotsu.

“As you can see, it is going well. So well that it is boring.”

In the direction he was pointing, the explosion sound was echoing, trees were falling, sniper flashes and low frequency noises were ringing non-stop.

Hirotsu took off the wig, put on the monocle he always has on, and narrowed his eyes.

“As one would expect.”

“Of course, I had to earn a lot of time to prepare all this. “ said Dazai, who was crossing his legs elegantly like a royal. “Chuuya and I had a terrible hard time fighting Randou-san. So this time I came prepared. Just to kill Mr. Assasin King from Europe, I had to gather a total of 422 people from the combat troops and 28 skill users. That is the full strength that Mafia can put in now.” At the scene where they were looking, the cold air and gun flashes kept shining. Verlaine tried to escape by threading his way in between the trees but a yellow-white ray burnt off the whole night sky, blocking that escape route. That was yet another skill user.

The plan was extremely simple. Setting up a trap and waiting. Chuuya and Adam drafted the same tactic before to defeat the Assasin King. The plan that Dazai carried out was basically the same. Identify the next target, set up traps around that target, and ambush Verlaine from behind when he appears.

The only difference between this and Chuuya’s plan is the scale of those traps. What have been set up as traps this time, was the entire Mafia’s overwhelming combat unit. The result was a one-sided destruction.

“We can keep this battle going for the whole night.” Dazai said as if he was whispering to Verlaine from far away. “Verlaine-san, you are a flawless assassin. With that vivid skill of yours, you have never once been traced down and surrounded like that, haven’t you? That’s why you have no experiences when being cornered by such a skill users organization. Even Randou-san was afraid of that dangerous flawlessness of yours.”

Dazai took out the leather notebook.

Rimbaud’s memoir. The journal Rimbaud had kept about the birth as well as full accounts of skill user Verlaine.

“I mourn for you, Verlaine-san.” Dazai put his hand on the notebook and said as if he was praying. “I mourn not for your death, but for your birth. No one mourns for you for being born. The only one who does is you yourself. That is the reason you fights... I think you are amazing. You despise the fact that you were born, you despise your own power, you despise the world. And by doing that, you came to accept your meaningless life. How wonderful that is. I don’t have that kind of courage. That’s why I wanted to talk with you more. But this is already goodbye.”

Dazai stood up, turning his back on the battlefield in front of him. He walked away.

“Dazai-dono?”

“Report to me when it is done.”

Dazai’s voice powerlessly fell to his feet. He walked away.

The next moment. A black way swelled over the battlefield.

...

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #storm bringer #spoilers #bsd spoilers #dazai osamu #paul verlain #port mafia

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thornedrose44 · 4 years ago

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Ends of the Earth (Part 2)

Part One or read on AO3

“Lena?”

That was her first word, unsurprisingly, when she woke up after fending off the Children of the Earth. It was the only word she would ever speak as she drifted in and out of consciousness following her exposure to kryptonite over the course of three weeks. That in-and-out existence consisted of little more than fragmented memories of disjointed conversations and dodged questions overshadowed by the ever-present pain of her body healing itself after being pushed past its limits.

“Hey, hey, there… how are you feeling?” Alex soothed coming slowly into view as Kara’s eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the sunlamps for maybe the second or was it third… or maybe even fifth time...

“Thirsty…” Kara croaked out through dry lips. “And… pain…” Kara admitted, everything aching in a way it never had before.

“Here.” A straw was gently pressed against her lips, and she felt blissful water coat her mouth and throat. Kara was pretty sure it was the greatest drink of water she had ever had.

“Lena? Where’s Lena?” Kara repeated, her voice stronger now.

“Just rest for now, okay?” Alex requested, plumping the pillows behind Kara before ducking her head and fiddling with the machine at the side of the bed to increase Kara’s dose of analgesic which was effective at rapidly lulling the kryptonian back to dreamless, painless sleep.

The day eventually came where Kara was awake longer than a couple of minutes, where the ache was more of a residual hum than anything else and Kara’s mind was sharp enough to push for answers instead of being deterred by Alex and Eliza’s methods of dodging.

When the day came and Kara was given the truth, she would reflect back fleetingly on those three weeks of constant pain and recovery where she had little grasp of her own reality and wish, wish with everything she had, to go back to that state of being. Because this… the pain Kara felt on that day when she was presented with her new reality obliterated every other pain she had ever experienced, rendering them little more than stubbed toes in comparison.

“The portal wasn’t stable… you know that the power stabilisers weren’t in place yet; it required active management to prevent it going critical.”

“She stayed behind… she kept the portal open so that we… Kara, I’m so sorry...”

“It was unstable, it's… it’s very likely the portal exploded and… It would have been quick...”

“She said… she said… to tell you to be happy… Kara, she also… she also said something about looking forward to a sunset... Kara?”

“Kara? Say something, please…”

“Kara?”

She stopped then. It was as if she ceased to exist.

How could she exist when she no longer had a heart in her chest?

Here she was on a whole new planet, and Kara couldn’t find the strength to get up and go see it.

She lived in her mind, going relentlessly over her memories of Lena, lost to a past she would do anything to change with absolutely no interest in building a future.

She would do things differently if she could. (So many things.)

Kara sometimes wondered if she counted - her regrets versus the choices she would make again - which way the scales would tip…

There was a reason she never counted.

Kara knew that she was rather young to have so many regrets, so much weight on her shoulders and experiences that would scar her for the rest of her life.

But, if she had to pick… if someone came to her and said there was one thing in her life she could change… it would be Lena.

The problem, however, was that she didn’t know what specific choice or moment to change… there were too many options. So many of her snap decisions and cowardly actions had inflicted wounds on the youngest Luthor that would haunt Kara far worse than any of her own trauma could ever hope to.

She’d seen the story play out differently thanks to Mxyzptlk - but she doubted those versions, especially now after seeing how the future was more liquid than solid, able to change, fluctuate and bend around your fingers with only the smallest shift. Mxyzptlk had shown her some potential outcomes of different choices but that didn’t make them the only outcomes.

The obvious history rewrite would be to have told Lena her true identity far earlier but if Kara was honest with herself as she tried to be in all matters related to Lena - because Kara refused to sully a single memory or thought she had of Lena with falsehoods - telling Lena about Supergirl wasn’t what Kara thought about most whilst she laid there in bed rejecting her new reality.

Her daydreams and fantasies didn’t centre around Supergirl.

Kara refused to boil everything between her and Lena down to Lena’s relationship with only a single strand of her identity. It was Kara Zor-El and Lena that mattered, everything else was just decoration atop that foundation.

The change Kara would enact, if given the chance, could have taken place at any time, during any one of her interactions with Lena.

If Kara could do everything again… she would make sure that this time around she told Lena that she loved her. (Explicitly stated it rather than hint around it with pretty words.)

Truly and deeply loved her.

That Kara’s heart hadn’t been beating correctly in her chest, didn’t know what its actual purpose was other than to pump blood through her veins, until she met Lena. That there were parts of herself that only Lena could access, parts of herself that only Lena would ever see.

She knew that declaring her love for Lena during their very first meeting would be too soon, too intense but she should have at least realised what the fluttering of her heart really meant, instead of presuming it was anxiety about meeting a Luthor. She should have known what was really happening and acted on it as her friendship with Lena blossomed, instead of assuming the butterflies in her stomach were nerves about lying. She should have seen Lena’s early romantic gestures (flowers and galas with potstickers) for what they really were, rather than running towards a man, that whilst good and kind, didn’t make her heart swell as it struggled to comprehend everything Lena made her feel.

By the time Kara actually realised what her heart had been screaming and begging for her to understand, she was trapped and tied up around a web of lies so thick and all consuming that she didn’t know how to get out from under them.

But then, inevitably, came the truth, (far, far, far too late) and the subsequent loss of Lena.

That hurt.

It wounded Kara in a way she’d never been wounded before. And with any injury you’d never experienced, Kara - likewise - didn't know how to treat it. Didn’t realise how she poked and prodded at it merely made it bleed even more fervently. She then tried to erase it, rid herself of the organ (her heart) in its entirety - the ‘villain’ serving as a scalpel designed to free herself of the wound that refused to heal.

When her heart returned to her, it was beaten, withdrawn, and Kara didn’t know how to accept it back, how to fit it back inside of her chest.

It was awkward between her and Lena now. In a way it had never been before.

It was Kelly that put it all into perspective, helped Kara see the damage wrought on her heart, helped slot it back into place, though it now had jagged edges that kept catching and digging with every movement. It was Kelly that explained abuse victims, how they sadly returned to their abusers, how Lena had done just that after finding out that her attempt at escape had merely led her back to the same pain the Luthors had inflicted over and over again. Lena’s second escape, second show of strength was incredible and should be admired, not punished.

Kara and the Superfriends had hung their heads in shame.

Brainy was the first to bridge the gap, him and Lena having always shared an understanding that no one else could touch. Two souls, told to fear themselves but constantly striving to prove themselves worthy.

Kara would hover nearby, struggling with the desire to reach out but the guilt of harm already inflicted keeping her away and then… then…

It was the end of the world and Kara told herself that everything else could wait.

That they could wait.

It never should have been soon, or later, or almost…

It should have been now…

This moment, right now!

Why did they keep fucking waiting?

All it did was result in missed opportunity after missed opportunity until there were no more ‘soon’s to come, and there would be no more ‘now’s to seize… all that was left was too late.

Too fucking late.

There were some memories that stood out more than others, the ones where they planned their future, the ones where Lena had bared herself to Kara in a way that made Kara feel so privileged, the ones where they had been so, so, so close to crossing that final gap between them and formally gifting each other their hearts wrapped lovingly and addressed solely to one another. It was those memories that Kara played on endless repeat as Alex shook her, screamed for her to come back, to snap out of her catatonic shell…

“On the coast.” Lena had replied when Kara had asked where she wanted to live when they arrived at their new home.

“I didn’t think you liked the beach?” Kara murmured, shuffling closer and closer until Lena’s back was pressed right against Kara’s front, Kara’s arms moving to wrap around Lena’s middle, just wanting to hold her close as she continued to work tirelessly.

“I didn’t say beach…” Lena hummed, glancing back over her shoulder with a teasing twinkle in her green eyes that had Kara bending her head down to bury her nose in long black hair that smelled of citrus - the generic shampoo that had been given out to everyone in the bunker. “I lived on the coast in Ireland…” Lena revealed, after a beat, her voice turning soft and sombre as it always did when she spoke of her mother and her life before the Luthors, causing Kara’s arms to gently squeeze Lena closer. “There were shingle beaches and cliffs… I just liked being able to hear the sound of the ocean. The waves hitting the shore… it was comforting.”

“Then a house on the coast you shall have.” Kara promised sincerely.

Lena laughed at that, “Oh, really? Are you going to build one for me?”

“No...” Kara replied, placing a quick kiss to the side of Lena’s head, “I’m going to build one for the both of us.” Lena stilled in her arms, her fingers moving away from the keyboard she had been typing on so that she could lay them over the top of Kara’s hands.

“Do you really want that?” Lena asked, quiet and disbelieving.

“Look at us, at this moment.” Kara requested, fingers flexing so that they interlaced with Lena’s easily. “I just want to be wherever you are.”

“Me too.” Lena replied, turning her head so that she could rest her forehead against Kara’s jaw, both of their eyes fluttering closed as they relished those rare few minutes that they could actually give solely to each other.

“It’s too much, sometimes…” Lena muttered, her hands shaking, after another long day, as she tried and failed to undo the buttons of her shirt so that she could finally slip into bed and sleep for a mere handful of hours before duty required her blood, sweat and tears all over again.

“I know.” Kara soothed, moving to kneel in front of Lena so that her own hands could reach out and gently take over the task. Kara’s fingers moved slowly, undoing each button with as much care as possible, her blue eyes politely averted as pale skin steadily became more and more visible.

“It shouldn’t be me.” Lena whispered into the stillness, green eyes boring into blue as Kara tucked her fingers underneath the shoulders of Lena’s crisp white shirt to push it off and down her arms. “I get that they need my mind and my intelligence, I get that, I do… but they are looking at me to…” Lena trailed off, gaze going distant.

“To?” Kara prompted, folding the shirt with precise movements before retrieving her soft Midvale High School shirt that Lena had taken to sleeping in, holding it up for Lena to push her arms tiredly through.

“Inspire…” Lena huffed as she pushed her head through the neck-hole. “Me. The most cynical person alive.”

“That’s not true.” Kara asserted earning her a disbelieving eyebrow raise that had her shaking her head ruefully. “Okay, it’s somewhat true.” Kara admitted earning her a giggle of amusement that warmed Kara’s heart as she shifted to lay down on her side of the cot, opening her arms for Lena to fall into.

“But it's not a bad thing. Not by a long shot.” Kara insisted seriously. “If it wasn’t for you, we would still be trying to fix the sun and billions of lives would have been lost whilst we accepted that we had to find another way. You’re not a cynic, though. I’ve watched you encounter stumbling block after stumbling block and you still…” Kara’s eyes roved over Lena’s fatigued, yet ever beautiful face, with wonder in her eyes. “Keep going… keep searching for a solution. A cynic wouldn’t do that. Couldn’t do that. You keep yourself grounded but you keep your eyes skywards. You inspire but you don’t lie. That’s what they did on Krypton, they liked sweet lies more than the harsh truth. You’re a balance of both.”

“Such tender words.” Lena remarked as a solitary index finger moved to tap affectionately against Kara’s lips.

“True words.” Kara corrected, puckering her lips to press something resembling a kiss to Lena’s finger, “If I was still leading... we would still be on the surface, my blind hope damning us all…”

Lena shook her head at that, harsh and firm, her hand moving to fully cup Kara’s face, “You’re wrong. So wrong.”

“How so?”

“Firstly, that’s not what it is…” Lena explained, her legs tangling with Kara’s as Kara pulled the blanket over the both of them, “blind hope...”

“What is it, then?”

Lena pursed her lips thoughtfully as the hand on Kara’s cheek moved to comb through blonde hair, “Faith.”

“Faith?” Kara repeated, signature crease appearing between her brows at the term.

“Yes and it's a beautiful thing.” Lena breathed reverently, “It's probably the best thing about you.”

“I thought that was my blue eyes and handsome good looks.” Kara smirked, knowing if she leant into the moment they had created (sincere and loving), she wouldn’t be able to wait anymore… that soon wasn’t going to cut it.

“That’s second and third place, respectively.” Lena shot back immediately, fingers stilling for only a second before continuing their endless movement through Kara’s hair.

“It’s still blind.” Kara said, returning to the topic, now more confident that she could rein in her desire for the time being. “Just as likely to lead to a miracle as it would off a cliff.”

“Maybe.” Lena agreed, “But faith, in the face of insurmountable odds, is when the impossible happens.” Lena countered as she settled further into Kara’s warm embrace, cold nose pressed against a spot just underneath Kara’s jaw. “I would have given up if it wasn’t for you, a long time ago.”

“I’m glad my ability to make the perfect coffee has paid off in some way.” Kara joked.

“Don’t do that. Don’t minimise yourself.” Lena said, tone hard and serious, making Kara tense for a fleeting moment. “The only reason I keep going after each stumbling block is because of you. Because you believe that I can do it.” Lena revealed, her voice rising an octave to keep back the sting of tears. “Your unshakeable faith in me, gives me the strength to make the impossible happen. Don’t you dare ridicule it. Because I need it, Kara.” Lena declared, lifting her head so that Kara could see the watery sheen magnifying vibrant green eyes. “I need you to have faith in me because most days it's the only thing keeping me going.”

Kara sat up for the first time then, head ringing with the memory of Lena’s words.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara just had to have faith. And if there was one thing that Kara had more faith in than anything else in the universe, it was Lena.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara whispered the mantra to herself over and over again as she staggered to her feet. Repeated it endlessly until it tattooed itself onto the walls of the empty chasm where her heart should be.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

The words fuelled her faith and her faith fuelled the words like an endless repeating cycle as she walked out of her room and got to work.

“Lena is alive and she’s waiting.” Kara declared to Brainy, who blinked at her rapidly in surprise at the statement and her unexpected appearance after being unresponsive for over a month.

“How can you be sure?” Brainy questioned, choosing to ignore the multitude of questions related to Kara’s sudden revival.

“I can’t, but I am.” Kara replied, falling into the chair opposite humanity’s new chief scientist. “How do we save her?”

Brainy pursed his lips and remained silent for a long time, clearly trying to decide if he should push back against Kara’s assertion before nodding once in acceptance. “Short answer, I don’t know.” Brainy answered honestly. “Long answer, another transmat portal.”

“Okay, then let’s build one.” Kara demanded, banging a clenched fist against an open palm.

“If only it was that easy.” Brainy laughed drily, shaking his head in resignation.

Kara’s jaw clenched in determination, “Tell me what the problems are.”

“Kara, I don’t think-” Brainy started softly, beginning the gentle deterrence and refusal that Kara was now intimately familiar with, having come straight from meeting the leaders of humanity (which had now formed an official government - The Terran Coalition).

“Now, Brainy.” Kara ordered coldly, her expression darkening.

Brainy flinched in shock at the tone and command, but recovered quickly, getting to his feet to write on a nearby whiteboard. The first word he wrote in big block capitals was ‘MATERIALS’.

“Firstly, we don’t have the materials to construct another transmat portal. We depleted our supply of a number of rare elements and compounds that were present on Earth but we don’t know if they are here on Terra Nova. If they’re not, we would need to fully re-design the portal from the ground up to take into consideration the impact of substitutions.”

“Which brings us onto the next issue.” Brainy continued, adding another word just below the first one, ‘KNOWLEDGE’. “Lena knew the portals better than anyone, the rest of us understood the particular portal design that we used and different parts of the underlying theory but it was only Lena that truly understood the full picture. I, and the scientists that worked closely with Lena, have now been allocated to separate projects.” Brainy explained, gesturing around the lab they were currently sat in that had only one or two familiar faces that Kara recognised from all the time she spent at Lena’s side. “Projects to ensure we can safely make Terra Nova our home, projects that serve the whole of humanity.” Brainy grimaced as he stated a truth Kara was acutely aware of from her lengthy discussion with the Coalition that had resulted in neither her nor them walking away happy. “The leaders won’t allow time and resources to be pulled away to work on this. They just won’t. But let’s say you can create an entirely new portal from scratch with only a shoe-string budget and support… you then reach the biggest issue… One that even Lena never got around to solving.”

“What?” Kara prompted, blue eyes narrowing at this.

“Precision.” Brainy wrote it out in big, block letters adding it to the list. “For the portals we used, we were just aiming for a planet, even just the general vicinity of space around the planet. We didn’t have to ensure the portals adjusted to remain in a fixed location on the other side, we just had to make them not overlap. We shot the transports through and then let them finish off the journey. To get back to Lena and save her… you would need absolute precision. You would need to open it up within the bunker. You would need it to adjust to remain in that location, which would massively increase the amount of energy required to open it. Opening it anywhere else could put you and anyone that goes through in massive danger and there would be no way to get to Lena without putting her in danger either.” Brainy hung his head, capping his marker pen and moved forward to squeeze Kara’s shoulder comfortingly, “I’m sorry, Kara. But even if-”

“Materials. Knowledge. Precision.” Kara repeated firmly, gaze fixed with steely determination on the words scrawled across the board. Three words stopping her from getting Lena back. Three herculean tasks that Kara was ready to dedicate herself to mind, body and soul.

Lena had told her once that she could make Kara an expert in ten years.

Kara intended to prove that wrong - she would do it quicker than that, she had to.

Whilst she might not have Lena to teach her, she did have one hell of an incentive.

Terra Nova was without a doubt a beautiful planet. Lush forests, snow peaked mountains, tropical jungles and enticing black-sand beaches. It lacked a desert but the majority of people weren't too disappointed to find that particular biome missing.

The first city of Terra Nova was named after humanity's saviour, as it should be. The Coalition had approached Kara about it, wise enough to know that any slight, accidental or otherwise, against the (presumed deceased) youngest Luthor would provoke the retired hero. They were originally planning something like Luthorton but Kara had shot that down, point blank telling them that if they wanted to honour Lena it should be Lena's name that was remembered and not the family that had betrayed her.

Lenacity (pronounced like tenacity) would forever be known as the first city of Terra Nova, to forever serve as a beacon of hope to humanity. There was even a statue in Lena's honour erected in the very centre of the city.

Not that Kara had ever seen it, nor did she attend the dedication ceremony; she barely even read the announcement proclaiming the city's name.

Humanity built itself a new home, creating infrastructure and cities. Rebuilding themselves anew and making this planet truly theirs in a far more sustainable manner than on Earth - they now knew the pitfalls of industrialization and the Coalition made sure to avoid them this time around with scientists like Briany serving as their guide.

Kara, though, only had a vague awareness of the world being built up around her. She moved from her bed in the makeshift hospital to a back-room in Brainy’s lab to, eventually, her own lab inside Lenacity University - the Coalition arranging her a workspace and position as a thank you for her service during the end of the Earth.

Kara had a purpose, a purpose driven by seven words that Kara would mutter under her breath whenever her head began to ache as she struggled her way through textbooks and theorems…

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara's life revolved around this one goal to the exclusion of all else. She barely ate and she only slept when her mind simply could not go on.

She was weaker here, on Terra Nova. And not just in the figurative sense (her soul and mind torn asunder at the loss of her heart). She still had her powers but they weren’t the same as they were on Earth. The atmosphere and Sun on Terra Nova was different to Earth so it wasn’t completely unexpected.

She was still stronger than a human being, could still lift a car but not a bus.

She was faster than a human being, but not faster than a bullet.

Her hearing was still enhanced; she could hear the heartbeats of people in the room but it took considerable concentration now, and anything more than a street away was near impossible.

Heat vision was still there but attenuated; she could still heat up a coffee after it had gone cold but she wasn’t going to be destroying a space-ship anytime soon.

Flight was the biggest loss. It was still there but it was tiring now. It used to be easy, seamless but flying a considerable distance was like running a half-marathon after only minimal prep.

There were other effects of her powers being diminished, her golden complexion and hair lost their sun-kissed experience - hair turning a darker blonde and skin slightly paler.

Whilst Kara never did anything physically demanding, nothing of interest on this planet to prompt her to move, at least in those early years (later years spent seeking the exact right materials for her plans exposed her to a number of wondrous sights that had little impact on the hero focused on her singular task), she was not taking care of herself.

She now understood what Lena went through during those two years, why it was so hard to get her to stop and just take care of herself.

Stopping to eat, sleep or relax in anyway required justification. Justifying time that could be spent helping someone else - saving someone else - on an activity that felt selfish.

It was probably something Kara should have experienced more of during her time as Supergirl, but she had never struggled to put distance between herself and that role. Had never really hesitated to accept invitations to karaoke and sister nights. It was different now, though, now Kara was no longer justifying the time delay to some unknown randomer who may or may not need saving… now she was justifying it to Lena.

Lena, who was trapped in a bleak bunker all alone.

Lena, who probably thought no one was coming to save her.

The weight fell off Kara, her muscles steadily eaten away, dark bags under her eyes becoming a permanent feature and her hair hastily cut short and jagged to minimise the care she had to give it.

The only thing that saved Kara from the damage she was slowly inflicting on herself was Alex.

That first year, Alex kept her distance - accepting Kara’s casual dismissals without push-back and her usual assertiveness. It wasn’t just Kara that had been changed by their permanent departure from Earth. The fire in Alex’s eyes had dimmed, her assertiveness tempered and her overall demeanour more quiet and withdrawn. Kara sympathised (distantly), knowing what it was like to leave her home behind but feeling that Kelly, Eliza and the other Superfriends would be a much more effective support system compared to anything Kara could offer at that time.

Alex would stop by every now and again, hands clasped behind her back, hovering timidly in the doorway, making her various pleas, “Kara, you need to eat.”

“I can’t right now, why don’t you go have lunch with Kelly?” That was Kara’s go to rejection, figuring it would at least encourage Alex to live her life, she deserved to. No point dragging Alex down with her.

Alex would nod once and hesitantly walk away, popping back up a week later with a plate of food in her hands that she would place in a rare empty space on Kara’s desk

“Hey-”, Alex would begin, seeking to break through Kara’s focus.

“Not now.” Kara would reply simply, no sharpness or venom to it, just a simple refusal.

Kara couldn’t be what Alex needed. She had no heart in her chest and she didn’t want to expose Alex to the coldness that now resided in the space it once occupied.

Kara had to get Lena back. Once she got Lena back, she could be herself again. Could feel and support like she always did before.

“Alex, just… leave me alone.” Kara requested before Alex even had a chance to say a word.

It was a year of this. Kara retreating further and further into herself and her work; Alex on the outside, uncertain of how to reach her. Tentative and nervous when her relationship with Kara had been the one she was most certain of.

“I’m sorry.”

The apology was new and managed to get Kara to cast a curious glance over her shoulder to see Alex, head dropped, red hair forming a barrier to her expression and hands curled into painful fists at her sides as she trembled in the doorway.

“Alex, I don’t really have time for this-” Kara began, already turning away when...

“I know you blame me…” Alex whispered, her voice cracking in a way that Kara had never heard before.

That jerked Kara back, brought her momentarily back to her own body, out of her half-life existence as she turned back round to actually look at her sister for the first time in… months. She looked distraught. Brown eyes broken and crying, lips bitten and raw, her complexion pale and her entire being exuding exhaustion.

“Blame you? Blame you for what?” Kara questioned in total confusion, moving towards her sister without conscious thought.

“For Lena.” Alex gasped, wrapping her arms tightly around own body protectively, “I… I failed her and I failed you.”

Kara’s jaw dropped, her stomach sinking like lead through the floor as the realisation punched her squarely in the gut. Alex hadn’t been grieving for Earth, she had been punishing herself. Punishing herself for Lena and by extension what Kara had turned into.

“Alex… no… I don’t…” Kara stammered, reaching out with shy fingers that had forgotten what it was like to make contact with another being. “Is that what you think?”

“You can barely look at me.” Alex cried, cringing in shame and guilt… and that…

It’s awful to admit, but it was the first time Kara felt something other than hollow. After a year of deadened emotion, Kara remembered how to feel. Felt the barrier she had unknowingly crafted around herself cracking open just a slither. Just enough for her to remember her sister. Her solid ground and most trusted ally. The person who she could always depend on.

“I can barely look at myself.” Alex continued, unaware how her own breakdown was reviving her sister back from her empty shell. “You love her so much and I... I couldn’t save her for you. You’ve lost so much and I now understand a fraction of that, just a tiny fraction and… I should have saved her. She was my friend, too. And she… she didn’t even… she gave so much and I couldn’t…”

“Alex, oh Rao, no… no… no…” Kara murmured, finally stepping forward to wrap her arms around her sister that she had been hurting without realising. Everytime she had pushed Alex away in a bid to shield her from her emptiness, she had merely been reinforcing to Alex the misconception that she was to blame. “Come here. It wasn’t your fault, okay? It was mine. I left her side…”

“No! Kara!” Alex rejected loudly, even as her arms wrapped tightly around Kara in return. “No. You left her side because of me. Because I asked for Supergirl-”

“How long have you been carrying this?” Kara asked sadly, “How long?”

“Since we went through the portal.” Alex admitted, burying her face into Kara’s shoulder.

“Is that why… you thought I hated you?” Kara whispered as the sheer awfulness of it all threatened to overwhelm her.

“I would, if I was you…” Alex murmured.

“No, Alex never…” Kara refuted, not believing Alex’s statement in the slightest. She pulled back from the hug (the first hug Kara had since landing on Terra Nova), and wiped the tears off her sister’s cheeks with a brush of her thumb. “I love you, I just I… didn’t think… I didn’t think I could help you… I didn’t think I could give you what you needed…” Kara revealed, shaking her head dismally at her continued failures.

“I didn’t want you to give me anything… I just wanted my sister…” Alex confessed, causing the walls where Kara’s heart should be to clench reliving the phantom pain of being broken. “I’m sorry, too. You needed me as well.” Alex said softly, her gaze taking in Kara’s appearance.

“I’ve been busy,” Kara muttered, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot under the scrutiny.

“Kara, you’re not doing well.” Alex stated bluntly.

Kara knew that she had let certain things slide about herself but they were meaningless in the grand scheme of things. “I need to do this. Lena is alive and she’s waiting.”

“Kara-” Alex began gently.

“Don’t! Don’t tell me I’m wrong!” Kara demanded, stepping back and lifting her chin in defiance. “If you’re not going to help me, fine. But don’t say she’s dead. At least not to my face.”

“I wasn’t.” Alex replied, jaw dropping in shock at Kara’s sudden emotional shift which instead of scaring Alex away only made her brown eyes sharpen with even deeper concern. “I wasn’t, Kara. But you need to look after yourself.”

Kara’s gaze dropped to the floor, frowning harshly but holding her tongue, not wanting to inflict any further hurt on her sister.

“Listen… okay, listen to me.” Alex pleaded. It was her turn now to reach out to Kara, hands rubbing up and down Kara’s biceps to provide comfort, to bridge the gap between them. “You want to save Lena, right? How do you expect to do that if you’re not looking after yourself? You need to eat and sleep. You need to be at your best because that’s what she deserves.” Kara’s head tilted to the side at that, listening attentively. “You need to take time for yourself because… because when you save Lena… you should give her something strong and stable to lean onto, because she’ll need that. You need to look after yourself and your life so that when it's time... you can look after Lena.” Alex bent down catching clouded over blue eyes, deep in thought. “Okay?”

Kara didn’t reply for a long time, her mind whirring with this new perspective. She glanced at her hands that were trembling, remembered how Lena’s hands had shook under the insurmountable pressure and strain thrown on her. Lena deserved steady hands. Someone who didn’t swing from one emotional extreme to another. Someone who was ready for their heart to be returned.

“Okay… for Lena.” Kara breathed out.

Alex smiled at her, warm and tremulous, “Okay… Let’s get you something to eat.”

Kara became an oddity, something people whispered about with those pitiful gazes, like there was something wrong with her that could never be made right. She was a mascot, a joke, a piece of gossip shared and exaggerated, a tall tale told to children to warn them of the dangers of not letting go.

The students at the university would creep to the edge of her lab to get a glimpse of her like it was a rite of passage. Every citizen knew her story. Knew Kara Danvers and Supergirl were one and the same, Kara Zor-El. Knew of the love she held for their Saviour, Lena Luthor. Knew that her sacrifice had destroyed Supergirl and left behind a changed woman that spent her days chasing fairytales.

The kind ones called her eccentric, felt she had more than earned her time away from the spotlight and didn’t judge her for not donning her cape again - Terra Nova didn’t need superheroes anyway.

The cruel ones, who had never suffered hardship or had suffered far too much of it (it was always one extreme or the other) called her delusional and callous for leaving humanity to rebuild on their own without their red-blue hero.

She was no longer Supergirl. No longer Kara Danvers either. To everyone else, she was merely known as a woman trying to get back to Earth to save a ghost. A cautionary tale of a woman who had lost herself believing in something that was impossible.

The Tinman brought to life, seeking his heart that Dorothy had taken back to Kansas with her.

She left her lab now, after that first year of sheer self-destruction, understanding that in her pursuit of a ghost she couldn’t allow herself to become one either, because if Lena was there, waiting and Kara did manage to bring her home, then Kara wanted to have a home ready for her. She wanted to be ready for her.

So Kara leant into the support of her friends, ensured she was there for them, listened to them and gave them time and consideration. In turn, they didn’t pull her away from her work, planned around her experiments and happily came and sat in her lab, filling the air with conversation whilst Kara’s hands worked on pieces of equipment.

Kara’s years went by divided into three sectors, each uneven fraction dedicated to the tasks identified by Brainy at the very start. It took Kara two and a half years to get her knowledge to a decent enough level to truly comprehend the underpinning science and workings of the transmat portal technology. The largest chunk was next, five years on materials.

Whilst Kara’s knowledge had reached a basic level that meant she could stand shoulder to shoulder with Lena’s previous team; re-designing the portal to account for materials no longer accessible required Kara to become an expert and pioneer. No longer memorising the work of others but forging her own path.

Thankfully, her life wasn’t solely anchored by her scientific pursuits, in no small part due to Alex and the Superfriends.

The years were also hallmarked by Kara’s loved ones own lives and their achievements.

Alex and Kelly were married during that second year post arrival on Terra Nova. Alex had been delaying the event until her and Kara were back on the same page. Kara stood as Alex’s maid of honour, the couple were wed on a black sand beach that was as close to Midvale-esque as they were ever going to get.

Following the wedding, Alex, after spending a couple of years providing tactical support to the Coalition, decided to return to medicine in a research-based capacity. The change provided a simpler routine that was more conducive to building a family and Alex (after the loss of her home planet) wanted to feel like she was putting something positive into the world and not just removing the negatives.

The third year saw Brainy and Nia’s engagement. Yet again, Kara stood as maid of honour, for Nia this time - Brainy chose to stand alone, everyone knowing that it would have been Lena standing by his side in that moment and that any substitution would not have measured up to his best friend.

The fourth year was when Alex finally approached Kara about her living situation. There were plenty of houses now, people having settled into their own communities, having staked their claim on their own piece of land. Kara was rich, Lena having left her considerable wealth to Kara that had been translated into the Terra Novan Currency (TNC) - no one was going to deny the saviour their fortune. The Coalition had repeatedly made it clear that Kara would be granted approval for a residence more or less anywhere she pleased. She had yet to take them up on the offer.

She was happy with the small, barely used apartment near the university that she only visited whenever Alex came to inform her she was well overdue a shower.

“You need a home, Kara.” Alex had insisted, putting her foot down when Kara had yet again hosted sister’s night in her lab, having still not furnished her flat with anything resembling a couch. Kara had grumbled and groaned until Alex had pulled out her trump card. “Lena needs a home. When you bring her back, are you really going to make her crash in your lab?”

Kara applied for a piece of land near the coast, an hour’s journey from the city (only a twenty-five minute flight). Building a house there on the cliff where you could hear the water crashing against the rocks became a bonding activity amongst the Superfriends, an activity to bring them all together and away from their demanding jobs. It was the only time Kara felt something close to happiness… contentment. Sitting there on a bench, listening to the waves around a bonfire, sipping a beer with Alex, Kelly, Brainy and Nia (they were occasionally joined by Barry and Iris) talking about everything and nothing.

Lena was a topic that could only be approached when they could tell Kara was settled and hopeful, it was never something to talk about when Kara started to grow morose and restless. They all spoke about the sights they wanted to show Lena, all the stories they would tell her.

They would talk about what Lena might be upto in the bunker, how with all this time she had probably become fluent in nearly every language, mastered the violin, built herself a robot dog, finally got around to watching crappy reality television (that she had promised she would never watch). The suggestions were only ever light and happy. They were all aware that if Lena was alive down there, shut off from the light without hope of being saved, the psychological damage would be severe.

That was the other thing… if…

Kara knew it was only her that truly believed Lena was still alive. Alex was the next most convinced purely because Kara needed her to believe. Brainy and Nia were doubtful but too kind to openly declare their doubts. Kelly played her cards close to her chest, it was hard to tell what she actually believed when it came to Lena’s fate. Her main concern, without a doubt, was Kara’s mental health.

Kara had put all of herself into saving Lena. The only thing keeping her going was saving the youngest Luthor, the only thing that could make Kara look after herself was by linking it to Lena in some way.

Kara knew it wasn’t healthy, knew that if Lena wasn’t alive… she would most likely return to that catatonic state. It was just… she had lost so much… so, so, so much… and losing Lena was just the straw (entire barn of hay) that broke the camel’s back.

It was Kelly that picked Kara up once a week and frog-marched her to see a psychiatrist who was attempting to get Kara to steadily start living for herself and not just for Lena. It was in vain but Kara took onboard the lessons as much as she could.

By the end of the fifth year, Kara’s house (built for her and Lena) was complete. Kara forced herself to fly back there every night, wanting the place to feel warm and lived in and a home.

By the sixth year, Kelly was pregnant and Kara was set to be an aunt any day now.

“I’ll be there, I promise.” Kara reassured her sister for the fourth time. Alex was on speakerphone providing company from afar as Kara ran an experiment with some of the new materials she had recently collected to assess their suitability. They were having a distanced sister’s night, what with Alex wanting to stay at home to look after Kelly, who was set to go into labour any day now. Alex’s nervousness was manifesting itself in her over-preparedness, regularly checking that the route to the hospital was free of traffic every fifteen minutes, that their to-go bag was prepped and that Kara wasn’t running off anywhere on another materials expedition anytime soon.

“Thanks, Kara.” Alex breathed in relief.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” Kara questioned.

“No,” Alex sighed defeatedly, “we keep going back and forth. I think we'll know when we meet her, you know? At least I hope so.”

“I’m sure you will.” Kara reassured, peering through a microscope, nimble fingers adjusting the magnification.

“Hey…” Alex said slowly, her tone shy and awkward enough that it earned Kara’s full attention.

“What?”

“Did you and Lena ever…” Alex began softly, her voice trailing off as if the rest of the sentence wasn’t necessary. Kara stayed quiet, eyeing the phone warily, waiting her sister out. She heard the inhale of breath her sister took as if to suck in courage as well as air for what she was about to say next, “Did you and Lena ever talk about kids?”

Kara pursed her lips, and crossed her arms, gaze dropping to the floor, “Lena and I weren’t together.”

“I know…” Alex murmured back, there was a beat, before a whisper, “but did you?”

Kara swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears and ease the phantom pain in her chest, “Yeah… yeah, we did.”

“Ugh… another five minutes.” Kara grumbled, pulling Lena, who was attempting to get up out of their small cot, closer into her body.

“See, I knew your chirpy morning personality was a lie.” Lena chuckled, and Kara’s slumbering heart ached at how exhausted she sounded before the day had even begun.

“You caught me.” Kara whispered, smiling as she nuzzled into Lena’s back. “Sleep is glorious and there is nothing that should interrupt it.”

Kara didn’t need to look at the youngest Luthor’s face to know she was rolling her eyes. “And here I thought you wanted children at some point in the future...”

“Children that respect the sanctity of a good night’s sleep.” Kara replied, letting out a sleepy huff that caused Lena to shiver.

“Good luck with that.” Lena teased, her hands moving to cover Kara’s that were wrapped around her waist. “Your children will be blue-eyed devils.”

“Luke and Lori.” Kara yawned without thinking.

“Hmm?”

“The blue-eyed devils.” Kara explained.

“You’ve already picked out the names?” Lena asked quietly, mildly surprised.

“Not hard, limited options.”

“How so?” Lena laughed, twisting round so that they were nose to nose.

Kara’s closed eyes fluttered upon feeling Lena’s warm breath against her face, she hid her reaction to it with a helpless shrug, “Had to both start with L.”

“L?” Lena scoffed, “Why would they-”

Lena’s voice cut out, realising the answer without needing to ask the question.

Kara opened one eye, catching sight of the shocked, awestruck expression on Lena’s face. “It’s tradition, isn’t it?” Kara murmured shyly.

“Yeah… yeah, it is.” Lena breathed, a tentative smile lighting up her face as she reached out to tuck a lock of golden hair behind Kara’s ear. “I like the names Lori and Luke.”

“You do?” Kara beamed, blue eyes opening fully and twinkling.

“Yeah, they’re the perfect names for our little blue-eyed devils.”

“I can do it.” Kara announced, landing hard and panting heavily causing her group of friends who were gathered around the bonfire outside Kara’s home to jump to their feet.

“Kara, what-” Alex began, holding little Amelia closer to her chest as the toddler reached out with grabby hands for her favourite aunt.

Kara ignored everyone and marched right up to Brainy, declaring wide-eyed and frantic, “I solved all three problems. I can save her.”

Brainy’s expression went slack, his eyes darting around the group which had fallen conspicuously silent. “Kara, I…” He began nervously.

“I know none of you believe me.” Kara said bluntly, finally pointing out the large elephant that was always in attendance whenever Kara interacted with them. “I know that.” Kara sighed, looking around her loved ones with a sad, understanding smile. “I especially know you’re afraid of what happens when that portal opens and I find out that Lena-” Kara shook her head - she had held onto her faith for over nine years now, she was not going to forsake it when she was in the final stretch. “I’m going, regardless. I can have the portal built in a month…” Kara revealed before looking back at Brainy pleadingly, “two weeks if you help me. I know you don’t believe me and I’m not going to ask you to. But I am going to ask you to help me.” Kara’s shoulders caved forwards, as she wrung her hands together on the precipice of actually begging. “Please, please help me…”

Brainy blinked once, let out a shuddering breath and then, “Okay…”

“We’ll all help…” Alex announced stepping forward to squeeze Kara’s shoulder.

“Is that-” Kara started to ask as Brainy stepped forward holding out a familiar red and blue outfit Kara hadn’t laid eyes on for years, hadn’t worn for even longer.

The portal was ready, they were just waiting for the Coalition to divert the required power supply they needed. The Coalition had originally refused to give Kara the increased power she required since they, and the rest of humanity, fully believed Lena to be dead and that Kara’s obsession could only result in disaster - Brainy and Eliza had been the ones to convince them, leveraging their positions as Chief Scientist and Chief Medical Officer to gain their agreement.

“I figured… it was a special occasion.” Brainy murmured, smiling wanely at her.

He and the rest of the Superfriends, including Eliza, had taken two weeks of holiday from their respective jobs so that they could help in whatever they could to get the portal active.

“Thanks, Brainy.” Kara replied sincerely, accepting the familiar outfit and going to get changed.

It didn’t fit as well as it used to.

She was thinner so it hung off in places, and the dark shadows to her face made the colours just that little bit less vibrant than Kara remembered them being. She was glad to be wearing it though. It was what she had worn the last day she had seen Lena over nine years ago. It felt right that she should be wearing it nine years later when they finally reunited.

“You have to promise me something.” Alex said as she stepped up to stand by Kara’s side as Brainy checked over the final calibrations Kara had made, before they turned the portal on. “If she’s… gone… you still need to come back, okay?” Alex demanded; Kara stared at her sister’s profile to see that her expression had hardened in an attempt to hold back a wave of emotion but the tremble to her bottom lip belied how futile the fight was. “I need my sister. I need you. So… no matter what you find… you come back and we’ll figure out the next step together.” Alex glanced over at Kara revealing watery brown eyes. “Promise me. I need you to say it.”

Kara hesitated for a long moment but the thought of inflicting the pain she had experienced after losing Lena on Alex… on little Amelia, gave her the strength to nod once, firm and sure. “I promise, no matter what I’ll come back through.”

“Okay,” Alex breathed out a shuddering breath before pulling Kara into a tight hug and muttering, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kara replied, wrapping her arms tightly around her sister and knowing that in an hour or so, she would be different.

She would either have her heart back or know, without a doubt, that it had been lost forever.

When she stepped through the portal, a metal wire connecting her to her lab in Terra Nova, she waved once at her family and friends. None of them waved back, all just nodded mournfully.

They were all convinced that Kara would find nothing good on the other side. Convinced that they would lose this tinman version of Kara to something far worse.

They didn’t wave because... who waves at a funeral?

Kara, though, gripped tighter onto her faith.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

And now… now… she was literally mere steps away.

Absence supposedly makes the heart grow fonder, but that wasn’t true in Kara’s case. Her heart had been in stasis, countless lightyears away. Her love was paused. Ready to unfurl and grow the second her heart was returned to her.

“Okay, I got the angle slightly wrong…” Kara admitted with a wince, nowhere near as invincible as she used to be - kryptonite no longer required to inflict damage that a particularly powerful gun or explosion could do.

“You fell face first, didn’t you?” Alex’s voice sassed over the comms line as Kara let out a pained groan.

“Yep, face planted…” Kara lifted her head, disappointed to find herself staring down a dim corridor. She had forgotten how cold the concrete walls of the bunker were after all this time (the bunker had always been warm to Kara, mostly because of how close she always stood to Lena). It was then that Kara noticed the tiny marks carved into the concrete wall; they filled nearly all of the available wall space and ran down the length of the corridor.

“You know you can fly, right?” Alex reminded her, trying far too hard to keep their conversation light, to keep Kara light...

“I know I can fly but I wasn’t thinking about flying and didn’t react in time…” Kara huffed struggling to her knees; turning her head to see if the marks continued down the other side of the corridor, “and-”

The rest of her sentence died right there, turning to ash as she saw a figure at the other end of the corridor watching her.

“Kara, is everything okay? What’s happening?”

Kara knew the scenes in medical dramas where they shocked someone back to life were unrealistic and played for drama more than for accuracy, but… it was the closest description Kara could think of to explain what she went through in that moment.

Her heart was thrown back into her chest and shocked to life.

Lena was standing in front of her.

Lena was alive and she had been waiting.

She looked… looked like a miracle to Kara.

She was even paler now, no regular exposure to sunlight to keep a healthy complexion but other than that… she looked good. She was thinner but not in the same way as Kara. Her curves had receded to be replaced by muscles, her dark hair was still long but tied back in a practical ponytail, white hairs dotted here and there like stylish highlights rather than markers of growing old.

Her green eyes, however, were dimmed and her fingers kept tapping away awkwardly and uncoordinated in a blatant display of a nervous tic. She was wearing a heavily faded Midvale High School shirt, doc martens, worn-out jeans with a heavy duty belt from which various random tools and pieces of machinery were clipped to.

“You’re here… You’re really here…” Kara breathed out, her blue eyes drinking in the sight of Lena shifting shyly from foot to foot as she stroked the smooth metal surface of a piece of machinery standing as sentinel by her side for comfort.

“Lena?! She’s alive!”

Kara barely even registered the exclamation from her ear piece, her full focus entirely on the woman before her.

“Kara.” Lena murmured and oh, Rao… if hearing her name fall from Lena’s lips wasn’t the single greatest sound in the universe.

“Lena, you’re here…” Kara whispered totally awestruck, getting to her feet and taking slow, careful steps towards Lena, her fingers instinctively reaching out for the raven-haired woman.

“I don’t under-... this isn’t real… you’re not real… you can’t be real…” Lena stammered, shuffling backwards and away from Kara.

Kara couldn’t help the gasp of pain, her heart so close to being fully returned only to back away from her. It wasn’t even Lena putting space between them after so, so, so long apart… it was the fear and confusion in those green eyes that Kara had dreamt about every night that inflicted the true hurt.

The gasp of pain also came with the realisation that Lena wasn’t quite the same, that being alone and isolated had left its indelible mark… That Kara hadn’t saved all of her and that Lena hadn’t believed Kara would save her… and that… that broke Kara.

“Did I answer the knock? Is this a dream? Milo analyse the surroundings and conditions.” Lena ordered, dropping her gaze to her tablet as she tapped frantically against the screen, mumbling her every thought out loud. “Hallucination, most likely… potential causes… sleep deprivation? Unlikely, I have a set sleep schedule. Radioactivity has finally penetrated the bunker and has caused a multitude of health problems. Possible, though I take regular readings of-”

“Lena! Please, stop…” Kara cried, collapsing to her knees in front of Lena. “I’m here, okay? I’m really here!”

“No! No!” Lena shouted in return, “This isn’t real! Because… because… You’re meant to be married! You’re meant to be happy! You’re not meant to be here…” Lena’s breaths came out sharp and panicky, so obviously overwhelmed and Kara just wanted to soothe her.

If it was nine years ago Kara would know exactly how to do that. Back then Lena needed a grounding touch, needed to feel like she wasn’t alone, that someone was there to hold her and support her through it…

But would this Lena want that?

Would Lena jerk away from her touch?

Barbed wire had curled around Kara’s heart making her wary of getting too close until she had tenderly uncoiled every piece of twisted metal that had been threaded through it.

Here’s the thing though… The barbed wire hurt Kara to touch but Lena, her heart, was living with it, had endured the wire being inserted and had learnt to survive its constant barbs, now here Kara was disturbing it all. Anything Kara did would inevitably hurt Lena in some small way - confusion, panic and uncertainty - the very least she could do is hold Lena closer, if that's what she wanted, and share the pain.

Kara’s fingers reached out, and made gentle contact. It was the softest that Kara had ever touched anything, because this… Lena… deserved everything to be soft and tender and beautiful….

She wanted to pull Lena’s hands away from her face but she didn’t want to force Lena in any way, she just wanted her to know that Kara was really there and was not going anywhere.

Thankfully, miraculously… Lena leaned into her rather than away and Kara was gifted the scent of citrus with a hint of oil as Lena rested her forehead on Kara’s shoulder, accepting Kara’s support.

Her Lena was definitely still there and the barbed wire was not as copious as Kara had initially feared.

“Lena, how could I be happy without you?” Kara whispered, her fingers moving ever so carefully from Lena’s biceps, round to her back… so tenderly wrapping Lena up in her arms, finally, finally able to breathe after years of holding her breath. “Let me take you home, please, please Lena… let me take you away from here, please…” Kara begged, pressing featherlight lips against Lena’s forehead. “Let’s go see that sunset, yeah?”

Lena pulled away and before Kara had a chance to feel hurt about the distance, the kryptonian felt calloused, wonderful palms cupping her face and wiping away the tears that Kara hadn’t even realised she was shedding until Lena’s thumbs wiped them away. “You still want to? Even after all this time?”

Kara barely resisted the urge to laugh at the sheer preposterousness of the question.

“It’s all I’ve thought about.” Kara confessed and she felt her face ache with the size of the smile trying to take over her face.

And if Kara thought that seeing Lena, being reunited with her heart, couldn’t get any better she was about to be proven totally wrong because green eyes dipped down and honed in with intent. For the first time in nearly a decade Kara’s stomach swooped with that heady mixture of arousal and nerves that only Lena could evoke.

Kara breathed in sharply and leaned forward when-

“Sha-la-la-la-la-la, music play, do what the music say, you wanna kiss the girl.” Kara’s head whipped around to see a… a… robot dog singing????

Kara’s eyebrows shot up as the greyhound-shaped piece of metal with glowing green LED eyes, banged its tail excitedly on the floor as it moved its shiny head from Lena to Kara and back again.

“Thanks, Milo.” Lena chuckled wetly; Kara had forgotten what Lena’s throaty laugh sounded like and she could feel her whole body lighten up after hearing it that she had to will herself not to start hovering off the floor. “I have a robot dog, now.” Lena explained needlessly, cheeks turning an embarrassed pink that made Kara truly have faith that everything would be okay between them regardless of whatever came next.

“I can see that.” Kara replied with a laugh, her hand reaching out to brush through Lena’s dark hair, as she asked her voice brimming with hope, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am…” Lena admitted with a fervent nod of her head before pressing a delicate kiss to Kara’s cheek. “I want to see that sunset.”

#supercorp #supercorp fanfic #ends of the earth #end of the world AU #posting this now because i've nearly finished the other parts of this story #yes i said other parts #i may have got carried away

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thetailorofenbizaka · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 1–The Tale of the Scissors, Act 2: Exchange; Scene 7

The Tailor of Enbizaka, pages 57-68

It was two days after that. Elluka—you—visited the tailor shop as promised.

“Excuse me.”

The moment you bluntly intruded, Kayo was just in the middle of working.

“Pardon me…I’m at a stopping point just now,” Kayo said, setting the needle and the kimono she was sewing over to the side.

“Looks like you’re hard at work on your tailoring.”

“Oh yes, ever since I had the great fortune to be able to return I immediately started receiving commissions from those who have been providing me patronage from my mother’s time.”

This tailor shop had originally been started by Kagura’s husband, Sudou Nagare.

A skilled tailor, after eloping and winding up in Enbizaka Nagare started a tailor shop with Kagura for their living.

Kayo too helped out with her parents’ work ever since she was ten years old, and Nagare had praised her on how quick she was to pick up the work; when Nagare passed during an epidemic not long after, Kayo primarily did tailoring work along with her mother.

“A tailor shop, hm…Feels as though this is something like the fate of your bloodline.”

Kayo gazed at you with a curious expression after you spoke so movingly. “Fate?”

“Yes. A person from the Okuto family working in a tailor shop gives me that impression.”

“From the Okuto family? Not the Sudou family? The Okuto family line has been one of samurai, hasn’t it?”

“…How much do you know about the Okuto family?”

“Honestly, not much…My mother wasn’t the sort to talk about her past much. I myself only learned that I was related to the Okuto family four years ago, when they took me in.”

Upon hearing that, you adjusted your seated posture and started into a history lecture for Kayo.

“—The Okuto family descends from a samurai that made his name in the ‘Battle of Jagahara’ about three hundred years ago; this Okuto Gaou who fought in that battle was a foreigner—do you know that much?”

“No…I don’t know much history…”

“Gaou was an immigrant from the Evillious region. Furthermore, if you trace his bloodline back it goes to a certain noble man, and a woman tailor. The man was the duke of Asmodean, ‘Sateriasis Venomania’. And the woman’s name was Lukana Octo.”

“My…But how do you know about such a thing, Elluka-sensei?”

“…If I told you it was because I am Lukana Octo herself, would you believe me?”

A normal person would most likely have thought this to be an impossible claim.

And Kayo seemed to think it was a joke too. She began to giggle. “Ha ha, if that were true then that would make you a witch hundreds of years old.”

“Yes. My true identity is that of a witch—What are those pieces of cloth for?”

You pointed to some cloth scraps piled up a little ways away.

“Ah, that’s just raw fabric leftover from tailoring.”

“Then you no longer have need of them?”

“Well, mostly. Though sometimes I use them as materials for making repairs.”

“…Then I will borrow them for a minute.”

You picked out several scraps from the mountain of cloth, and turned once more to Kayo.

And then you quietly murmured some foreign sounding words.

When you did—despite being inside a closed shop, a strong wind suddenly began to blow through from somewhere.

The pieces of cloth were caught by the wind, and fluttered around inside the building.

“Goodness…”

Kayo gave a murmur of wonder.

In the next moment, you recited something else, and then the fluttering fabric scraps started to burst into flames all at once.

And then, in a flash they had all been burned to ashes.

“Eek!”

Kayo screamed at seeing it.

“It’s alright, the fire won’t burn you or the building we’re in…Though I suppose that wasn’t the issue.”

Kayo was trembling, a terrified expression on her face.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shown you fire.” You loosely held Kayo’s body to calm her down. “…But with this, surely you believe me, that I am a witch?”

“Y-yes…” Kayo nodded continuously, still trembling. “Wh-why…For what reason did you—”

“One of the reasons that I came to this country was to return the body of ‘Lukana’ to the Okuto family. …Having heard your story, and seeing your appearance, I figured that you would be perfect for that.”

You said you were there to “return” it. That signified that you were not the real Lukana herself, but rather a being who had stolen the body from her. Yet at that time Kayo had not the wherewithal to notice that.

“This body of Lukana’s that you said you were ‘jealous’ of—I shall give to you. And then you will no longer need to fret over your burn scars.”

“B-but…if you do that, what will happen to you?”

“I will take your body as mine in its place. Essentially, we will do a mutual exchange.”

“…Still, won’t everyone think it’s strange that we’ve so suddenly swapped appearances?”

“Don’t worry. I know of a method to keep that from happening.”

“…”

“…You seem unable to make up your mind. Well, I suppose that’s natural.” You released Kayo, and stood upright. “—There was once a man who was troubled by his appearance as you are. I gave to him a certain tool, and he used it to change his appearance. …After that his life completely changed. He discarded his melancholy past, and was able to obtain the joy that he desired.”

“…”

“Right now you are holding onto two sentiments. The feeling that you must forget your past and move forward, and the wish to not forget your family. And, unable to find balance between them, your heart is in chaos. Hence these phantom burn scars coming forward on your body. …You are afraid from the very bottom of your heart that if the burn scars went away, then not only will your memories of the great fire weaken, but also those of the family you loved.”.

“I don’t understand…I really don’t…”

“You must forget. When something painful happens, those who cannot forget it will never be able to walk forward. That does not make you unfeeling, or cold. I am sure that your late family would not want for you to always be imprisoned by your memories of the past.”

At some point, Kayo had started to sob.

“Sometimes I…grow so fearful…”

“…Of what?”

“Lovers passing by the tailor shop…Families walking together...People who have what I’ve lost…When I see them, I realize that I am succumbing to a frightening sense of envy. There are even times when I want to bring the scissors in my hands down on them.”

“…Maybe you have become possessed by the ‘Demon of Envy’.”

You glanced over at the scissors that I reside in that Kayo had set off to the side.

“A demon…Will I be able to drive it out of myself?”

“If you obtain a witch’s body by swapping with me, perhaps…”

The proposal that you were making looked at a glance to be something you were doing with Kayo in mind.

But to me, watching from the side, I couldn’t help but think that you were lying to her.

You just wanted to have Kayo’s body as your own. And for that purpose you were deceiving her with a string of sophistry.

However, I had no way of conveying my thoughts to Kayo.

She nodded as though steadying her resolve, and then declared:

“Please…do it. Give me a new body, so that I might move forward—”

“…As you wish.”

You smiled at her.

To Kayo it probably looked like the smile of her savior.

To me it was the sneering of a demon.

It didn’t take much time to complete the “ritual”.

You put your hand on Kayo’s head, and recited a short incantation.

When you did, the two of you were engulfed in a pale pink light.

--Maybe five minutes passed.

Before I knew it, you and Kayo were both lying sprawled out on the floor.

But Kayo immediately stood.

“…Marvelous.”

I knew, as she said such, that it was another being standing there with Kayo’s appearance.

“A body descended from Venomania and Lukana…This, for sure…Is what I have sought for so many years! With this body full of magical power, it’ll hardly take any time at all to recover my true power!”

Kayo—or rather you, in Kayo’s form—started to laugh loudly.

--Next, you turned your gaze on the scissors lying on the tatami mat.

And then you started to gently reach your hand out towards the scissors…but immediately drew your hand back, as though something had just occurred to you.

“…Well then, all the best, Kayo-san,” you said to the fallen Elluka—the woman whose mind was now that of Kayo—and then left the tailor shop.

And so, you had swapped bodies.

Using the “Swap Technique”—

"—I have some questions.”

Elluka, who had been writing something down in a notebook resting on her knees as she listened to my story, suddenly paused.

What are they?

“…How do you know that the name of the spell I used was the ‘Swap Technique’? I didn’t tell Kayo the name of the technique back then.”

…I figured it out. A spell that involves exchanging bodies would probably have a name like “Swap Technique” or something—I just came up with that on my own.

“Hmm...Well, I’ll just leave it there for now. So I have one other question—I understand that Kayo’s parents are dead; for her father I know that he died from illness. But as for her mother…how and when did Kagura die?”

She went missing soon after Kayo was married. After that they determined that she’d died by drowning, as they found her favored scissors on a cliff that overlooked the sea.

“Would those scissors be the ones you’re currently in? Then you must have seen it all yourself.”

Yes…She certainly did fall into the sea. Leaving the scissors behind on the cliff.

“Was it truly an accident? She wasn’t pushed by anyone, it wasn’t suicide?”

…

I didn’t answer her question.

“I guess you don’t care to go into detail on that point. …I get the impression from your story that you detest me quite a bit—and yet you also seem to support Kayo a great deal.”

To me, Kayo is like a master that I have spent a great deal of time with. It’s only natural then, isn’t it?

“A master, huh…Is that the only reason?”

I don’t matter. Right now we’re talking about Kayo. And also…I have several things I’d like to ask you.

“There are questions I can answer, and those that I can’t. Just like you.”

I looked at the notebook on Elluka’s lap.

You’ve been writing something down for a while now…what in the world is it?

“Ah, this…Lately I’ve become a bit interested in writing. Your story is more interesting than I’d expected, so I’m recording the contents here. It might sell if I make it into a novel. Or it could make a good stage play. Or perhaps some other—”

You may do whatever you like with it, I don’t care. …One more question. Were you really looking to heal Kayo’s mind, or—

“You can tell that much without my input, can’t you? …As you guessed, I was merely after Kayo’s body, given that it was full of magical power. Our interests happened to coincide, and I simply took advantage of that. If Kayo had refused, I would have stolen it by force.”

That must be how she has continued to live all these centuries.

“Only…Don’t misunderstand me, but I even though I had no inclination towards helping Kayo, that doesn’t mean I had any malice towards her either. I didn’t do anything to her outside of the body exchange. –That’s why even I don’t know how or why Kayo committed the act that she did afterwards.”

…

“Of course, it is possible that it was some side effect as a result of the ‘body swap’. But that alone doesn’t serve as an explanation. …Though I think that you might hold the key to that question.”

I supposed then it was for that reason Elluka was listening to what I had to say.

“The ‘body swap’ is a spell with a heavy burden on me in the first place. My power grew weaker temporarily. So I really didn’t do anything extraneous for that whole year.”

Is that the reason why you didn’t immediately make a grab for the scissors?

“…Well, something like that. I had thought until today that the ‘Demon of Envy’ was in the scissors. That demon is a little bit particular. It’s dangerous, and I wouldn’t be able to get off lightly if I mishandled it. So I had been leaving it be until I could recover my power—Imagine my surprise to find an entirely different being residing in there instead.”

…Let’s continue Kayo’s story.

“Hmph, guess you’re not looking to reveal your true identity.”

--Kayo had been reborn in your appearance…a new person, who had pink hair and fair skin. But bizarrely enough there was not a single person around her who saw that as strange.

As for the reason why, Elluka provided an explanation:

“I have a little bit of power to manipulate the minds of others. Though it’s a meagre power, far weaker than it used to be. However I was at least able to manage convincing all around Kayo that ‘she’d looked like that before’.”

I had no way of ascertaining if that was true or not.

But as far as the phenomenon that I had seen, I would have to say that her words were correct.

…Anyway, thanks to that there was no particular disorder right after the body exchange. Kayo lived as she had before, save for that she would no longer worry that there were any burn scars left on her.

However…a new problem began to arise in her heart.

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flyingicecreamtruck · 8 years ago

Text

Hard Left Turn: Thane Part 1

Notes: Thane Lives AU! Several lines of dialog and the contents of letters from the game are used verbatim. I'm also fudging the time line of the game slightly.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters are not mine.

Summary: They hit Earth first. The Reapers came for Shepard.

Siha,

As always I write this letter knowing that it will not reach you. All lines of communication that I have tried remain closed: official diplomatic inquiries, the Shadow Broker; I have even tried a false identity to get a message through, yet none have yielded any results. What little information I have of you comes from the news reports from Earth: you have been stripped of your rank and are under house arrest, awaiting trial for the events at Aratoht.

While I do not wish to rehash an old argument I find it abhorrent that the Alliance would hold you responsible for the deaths of 300,000 Batarians. If you had not destroyed that relay the galaxy would have fallen to the Reapers before we are fully prepared. I hope the Alliance will listen to your warnings. I pray that they are treating you well.

I miss you. More and more I find myself lost in memories. I cannot forget you. That is what humans say. With us it is a state called tu-fira: lost in another. I told you once that when a memory feels as real as life, it is as valid as life. But the memories of you will never be enough.

Forgive me, I do not want you to think I am wasting the “new lease on life” I have been given. I know how angry it would make you. The doctors at Huerta Memorial are impressed with my progress and have have recently cleared me to return to my normal level of activity. In thanks for all they have done I have begun to volunteer my time at the hospital. It is good to give back.

Though I have lost contact with the rest of the crew, Dr. Chakwas has remained on the Citadel. We meet once a week for dinner. She tells me of your adventures on the SR-1. I would not believe half of what she tells me if I had not seen your methods with my own eyes.

Sometimes we are joined by Commander Bailey. Other times the Commander and I will retire to his office to speak of our families and our failures as fathers and husbands. He has not seen his own family in many years. Perhaps this why he has taken such an interest in Kolyat. I will forever be grateful to the Commander for the part he has played in helping my son.

I am so proud of him, Siha. Kolyat has changed so much from the sullen, moody boy you rescued a year ago. His work in C-Sec has given him purpose, allowed him channel his energies in to making a difference in the galaxy. Every day I see more of Irikah emerge in him.

“Father!” Thane glances up from his data pad to see Kolyat hurrying towards him still dressed in his C-Sec uniform. He smiles. Yes, he is very proud of his son. Thane stands and tucks the pad away. “I apologize for being late. A situation came up and I wanted to stay until it was resolved.”

“It is no trouble. I trust it was nothing serious?”

Kolyat shakes his head as they climb the stairs from the Presidium courtyard to Apollo's Cafe. At early afternoon the restaurant is nearly deserted and they quickly find a table. A waiter hurries over to take their order.

“While I was out on patrol I came across a young Asari girl that had been separated from her mother. I wanted to wait with her until she was found. I know it is a small thing Father but I'm glad I was able to help that little girl.”

“It is no small thing to the girl or her mother. They will always remember the drell who reunited their family and be grateful. I'm very proud of the work you are doing.”

Kolyat straightens under the praise. “Thank you Father.”

The waiter returns with their food and a comfortable silence falls between them as they eat. It is a far cry from their first few stilted dinners after his release from the hospital. Though his separation from Shepard chaffes at him, Thane can never bring himself to regret his time on the Citadel. He and Kolyat grow closer every day.

During the months Thane had been confined to the hospital, recovering from his lung transplant, he and Kolyat had spoken often of Irikah's death and his abandonment at Thane's hands. Though it would never make up for those lost years, it seemed that Kolyat at least understood why Thane had disappeared from his life. Now he could begin to heal. In time Thane hopes for his son's forgiveness.

“How have your studies been going?” It seemed that the first step towards forgiveness for Kolyat was to begin to study with the small contingent of Drell priests on the Citadel.

“It is going well. The Brothers have-”

A horrified cry cut Kolyat off. It sounded human. Thane's head snaps up, searching for a disturbance, yet... no one is moving. The entire presidium seems frozen in place. Other voices join the first; orange flickered rapidly in his vision as dozens of Omni-tools flare to life around the Presidium.

“Father, what is happening?”

Kolyat starts to stand. Thane grabs his arm to keep him still. People were beginning to move, several fled the Presidium. He can hear crying. Dread settles in his chest, squeezing his lungs. Something catastrophic has happened.

Thane glances up as a group of humans moved past him towards the front of the cafe. They stop in front of the large vid screen next to the counter. Something cold slithers through Thane's chest. No, he thinks, no. Unable to stop himself he moves to join them, Kolyat a step behind him. A split second before he sees the screen, Thane knows what he would see. It in no way prepares him for the reality.

EARTH FALLS TO INVADING FORCE the scroll read. Though the footage was grainy and slightly out of focus, Thane can see the outline of a burning city. Amid the ruins, and in the air, are the unmistakable shapes of dozens of Reaper ships.

For a brief moment, and only the second time in his life, Thane's mind goes blank. No training, no memories, just an swirling, black void of rage and grief. A low hissing sound intrudes. It is the sound of a drell in distress. Kolyat? No, that is him-

-Irikah's body, broken and bloody on the floor of their home, the hanar officer flashing a deep, mournful gray-

“-breath!” Fingers dig sharply into his arm. The pain brings the world back into focus. Thane sucks air into screaming lungs as he is pushed down into the nearest chair. His scales twitch in disgust at the feel of Kolyat's hand on his bare arm. It takes every ounce of control he has not to shove his son away.

They hit Earth first. The Reapers came for Shepard. Oh Siha...Had she survived the initial attack? Was she already dead? No one had listened to her warnings. Thane can feel his pulse pounding in his temples. Why had he not done more to help her? He should have-

Thane hissed again as pain lances through his chest, so sharp and hot that his vision dims around the edges. He presses a hand to his chest. It feels as if his entire body is throbbing in time to his pulse. He can vaguely hear Kolyat shouting. Thane glances up into his son's face. The scales around his eyes have gone white and his second eyelids are visible. He is terrified.

Shame washes through him. With a deep breath Thane reaches inside himself for the training that has guided him for most of his life. He presses down the rage and grief and fear. They are useless right now. He needs to keep a clear head. Thane could not think of Commander Shepard now, not when Kolyat is standing in front of him. I will not fail our son again Irikah, he vows.

Thane forces himself to stand. “I am all right Kolyat.”

The look his son gives him clearly said how ridiculous that statement is. “I'm taking you to the hospital Father. Dr. Tozon is waiting for us.” He opens his mouth to object but Kolyat shakes his head. “You are getting cold. Remember your promise.”

Yes, his promise. He had sworn to Shepard, and later to Kolyat, that he would do all that was required to maintain his health. He had too much to live for. With a nod Thane allows himself to be guided out of the cafe. An oppressive silence has fallen over the entire Presidium. He can hear every step they take. The elevator door is so loud that Thane flinches. Kolyat follows him inside, slamming the button for Huerta Memorial.

“Those were Reaper ships. This is what Commander Shepard tried to warn everyone about.” Thane nods, chest aching. Kolyat let out a sob. “Father, what do we do?”

With a conviction he does not feel Thane takes his son's face in his hands, brushing away his tears. “We live. That is all we can do. We live and we help where we can. When the Reapers come, we will fight. And when it is time we will all be reunited across the sea.” Was Shepard already waiting for him? He had never considered the possibility of her death.

That seems to ease some of the tension in his son's shoulders. Kolyat takes a deep breath and nods, pulling away as the door opens to admit them to Huerta.

Word has reached the hospital. The patient lounge is full of crying, frightened people, most of whom are grouped around the reception desk, shouting at the harried-looking asari behind the desk. Thane recognizes her; Vessna, another volunteer. They have often taken their breaks together.

She catches his eye, jerking her head towards the door to the in patient area. Thane nods his thanks and follows Kolyat. Dr. Tozon is waiting for them on the other side. The salarian takes one look at him and quickly ushers him into an exam room. He frowns down at his omi-tool, clearly not liking the readings he sees.

“Mild shock. Body temperature is too low. Respiration is too rapid.” Dr. Tozon inputs something into his omni-tool. “Please complete an entire cycle of breathing exercises. I will be back in a few minutes with a UV lamp.”

The first breath Thane takes made his lungs hitch. He doubles over in a coughing fit, trying to get enough air to try again. Hands gently catch him, pressing between his shoulder blades to force him to sit straight.

“Like the therapist showed you, Father. Back straight. Deep breath and hold for 5 seconds.”

Thane takes another breath. It makes his chest ache but he feels his lungs expand. He holds it for a count of five and exhales. Kolyat drops his hands as he finds his rhythm. Slowly Thane feels his pulse return to normal. He lets out a long breath before looking over at his son.

“I am sorry for my outburst. I know I frightened you.”

Kolyat's fists clench at his side. After a moment he relaxes. “You did but I understand. I am sorry about...do you think Commander Shepard-” Thane is saved from answering by the beeping of Kolyat's omni-tool. He glances down with a frown. “It's Commander Bailey. Everyone is being recalled.” Kolyat dropped his arm with a groan. “The Council is issuing a lock down for evening hours.”

Thane winced. A lock down was a logistical nightmare. All non-essential personnel had to be off the streets in a matter of hours. C-Sec was in for a long day. “Go. I will return home immediately once Dr. Tozon releases me.” His son hesitates for a moment and then nods. Thane stands and touches his shoulder. “Stay safe. I love you.”

“I will. I love you too, Father.” With head held high Kolyat leaves the exam room, dodging Dr. Tozon.

Thane strips down to his under clothes as the doctor sets up the UV lamp. As he stretches out on the bed, Dr. Tozon takes another scan. “Better. Please remain under the lamp for one hour. I will be back to check on you. If everything looks fine, I will let you return home.”

“Thank you Doctor.”

As soon as he is alone, Thane's defenses fall. He presses his fists to his eyes, forcing back the tears that threaten. Had it all been for nothing? The lung transplant, the separation and silence? He had been so sure that he would fight this war at his siha's side. Why else had he lived through the Omega 4 relay? What else had it been but Kalahira's favor, a sign that he had been forgiven, when Miranda had handed him the data pad with a medical plan to save his life? Had he assumed too much?

Kalahira, Mistress of Inscrutable Depths, I beg your forgiveness. Please, show me my path that I might serve you faithfully. An aching silence is his only answer. Oh Siha, I am so sorry.

Memories threaten to overtake him. Thane pushes them aside, ignoring the throbbing in his head, and stares blankly up at the ceiling until Dr. Tozon returns and releases him.

#thanedeservedbetter #thanelives #thane krios #shrios

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