#if you think “yes! this is true! except for ME because my situation is different/i can handle it'' I MEAN YOU

[celepeace]

Also in the spirit of "sex is something you're supposed to want and enjoy, not something to endure"- if your partner acts like pleasing you is a chore, or makes you feel like you're being unreasonable for wanting them to consider your feelings and pleasure during the act rather than only theirs, or continues to do things that hurts you/makes you uncomfortable in some way even after you talk to them about it...

You deserve better. Sex is supposed to be a collaborative activity; even if you specifically enjoy one-sided acts, there needs to be communication and explicit consent, free from coercion, about that beforehand. You deserve to have your feelings considered and cared for. Sex is supposed to be fun. To reiterate op, sex is not supposed to be something you tolerate.

As someone who was in a highly abusive relationship for nearly a decade, please, for your own sake, don't sacrifice your wants and needs for another. Happiness and satisfaction is out there and you deserve to find it, whatever form that takes for you.

sex is not supposed to be about what you can tolerate!!!!! sex is supposed to be about what you genuinely want and enjoy!!!!! and if you’re traumatized and/or not straight, believe me, I know it’s not that simple to figure out what it is that you actually want and enjoy.

you’re not a bad person if you do something that you don’t particularly enjoy because, for example, it makes your partner happy, but always remember: you have no obligation to engage in sexual activities that you don’t fully like and enjoy. 

and you don’t ever, ever need to justify that - if your partner has an issue with “It makes me kind of uncomfortable” or “I don’t really like it”, then that person does not deserve a moment of your time, in or outside of the bedroom. you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone; you don’t have to meet anyone’s standards of acceptable vs. unacceptable activity (or lack thereof); you don’t have to force yourself to be comfortable with something because of any perceived political connotations of performing or refusing that act.

saying yes because you feel guilty about saying no is not consent. saying yes because you’re scared of what will happen if you say no is not consent. saying yes because you figure you might as well just endure it is not consent. sex ed on here and elsewhere doesn’t give a single shit about traumatized people and I wish someone had told me all of this a lot sooner. 

[evrelunss]

Prologue

On a monday night, you drive your motorcycle on a crazy speed— tears deaming in your eyes after the sudden break up that breaks your heart into many pieces, tears corrupted your beautiful eyes. Sadness consumed your thoughts, the beautiful memory started to repeated in your minds,

Those sweet words,

Those happy memory,

Those fights,

And.. those words.

“Im breaking up with you, [Name].”

And sky seems to be helped for your dramatic-crash-out-after-broken-up-era by the heavy rain that showers you.

And same goes for your death.

—

“One of the hottest recently trending Dating Game on Social Media.”

“Love and Deepspace.”

“The main character, Elysia. She assumes the role of an Evolver with superpowers known as Evol, who fights against cosmic beings called Wanderers in the city of Linkon. Who knows that she is secretly the Long-Lost Daughter of an Noble Family?”

“The main story centers on Elysia’s quest to uncover the mysteries and the Deepspace Tunnel, while developing relationships with several characters who become love interests.”

“Several love interest with different and unique charm!”

“And, the ulterior motives of the fake’s daughter that taken her true identity and the main character’s spot while she was gone for many years!?”

“Defeat the Villainess and seek your happy ending with the love interest!”

“Play now!”

—

“Im breaking up with you, [Name].”

His cold voice aching into her ears, [Name] never expected all of this to be happened. Why is this happend so suddenly? After what they went through? The happiness that went through together? The sadness? The fight? After everything they went… through?

Ah, she gets it. Its because of that girl, isnt it?

Oh, his true first love.

She doesnt get it, what so special about her?

Oh God, she wished for that girl to die honestly, to take away her man, her family, yet she cannot do that. That girl is too sweet, like a blooming flower— so perfect.

“Its because of her, isnt it? Answer me, XXXXX.”

“….”

“Yes, i choose her. Your sister.”

No wonder he loved her more.

Fine.

If thats how he wants, so be it.

“Fine, let’s break up if thats what you wanted so much.”

She speaks with a big confidence, as if she didnt think about all of those things earlier. Standing up from the wooden chair she just sat on, and ready to leave.

“Im sorry, [Name].”

He said so lowly— very quiet. That no one can hear, except the Nature itself and God.

—

I never thought that death will be this fast, really. I thought it was going to be slow, like in the manhwas that i usually read. But,

Wow.

I never thought that i would die crashing my motorcyle out because of the slippery road, its hillarious, honestly.

Ah, i started to feel sleepy, am i going to heaven?

—

“Eden—“

Huh?

“They say, you make a scene like a wild dog at the banquet that XXXXXX family holds? What an embrasment.”

What?

Where the hell im at?

Where is this place?

Why is this so familliar—

I cant speak— why?

Suddenly, infront of me appeared some multiple choice’s that magically summoned from God’s know where. The choices are:

1. Not my problem.

2. I wasn’t thinking of anything at that moment.

3. Well, the thing is that.. (With a pitiful voice).

WHAT THE HELL?

“You’d be better answer me immediately, Eden.”

The man with a dark red haired said, his voice echoed in this room. It feels familiar,

Those dark red haired, with blue eyes,

I dont know, but its like i have seen him. And with that name he just called me..

Wait a minute..

….

….

….

….

….

….

….

….

….

….

….

…

….

….

….

I think i know what’s happening to me right now…

I’VE BEEN FUCKING TRANSMIGRATED OR ISEKAI’ED TO A LITTERALY OTOME GAME??

HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS—

I never expected something like this—!?

I always hope that i will experience this situation, but.. i never hoped to be the Villainess instead!

“You’d be better answer me now, Eden Eckhart.”

Shit, i’d better be chosing right now..

This man freaking me out to be honest, i might think that if i answer him wrong, i could be executed right now…

DING!

I chose number three, because that is the most least provocative choice’s that i’d be given by this damn system.

“Well, the thing is..”

My voice automatically..? As i hold my throat, its unbelieveable. Something is controlling my words carefully, its like chosing a card carefully.

“Well, the thing is..? Continue your words.”

He said coldly, his words are much colder than the ice from the north itself.

DING!

1. Im sorry, i will not do it again.

2. It was that dumb maid that made a mistake, not me.

3. Those lowly servants dare to speak low things about me, a Noble Lady!

Dang, if the situation are not this bad, i will definately chose number 3. But for safety, i will chose number 1, i think to myself and press number one on the display.

“Im sorry—“

I said as i looked at him, before my words are cutted harshly by him. I looked at him with a beaming anger. Okay, that was rude??

“Listen to me, Eden. You cannot repeat the same thing like this and end this up with an apology. If you wouldnt do such a stupid thing, we’re not going to facing each other like this.”

He said carefully, glancing to me as i still sat on the ground, literally begging on my knees to him that i didnt realize earlier.

“Since this day on, i will order you to be on Probation! Not only from parties, you will Probation from going out from your room!”

DAYUM!

“Think of what you just did, and how you should act in the future.”

He said, before moving his feet and then moving away from my direction.

Derrick Eckhart – 0%

What? Why is the favorability is at 0%..? Isnt it supposed to be 30%..?

I asked to myself in thoughts as i watched him walking away. My mind is on hurricane, what is going on right now? Im honestly panicked.

Until, i realized something.

I can feel my heart stop beating for a moment,

My blood turns cold,

My body are cold sweating,

And my face turns pale

Am i’ve been transmigrated into the HARD mode..?

“You deserve it.”

A squeaky voice said, when i turned my head to see who said that, i could not help, but my eyes are widen much more seeing the favorability on top of him.

Reynold Eckhart - -10%

Negative..? What? How? This is scary, honestly. My risk of being killed is incerased if this keep happening..!

No, no, no. I couldnt let that happend!

—

“Have all of you tried the newest game that just launched?”

My friend spoke as i was busy with my books, didnt really care about it anyway. Game isnt truly my style since i was a child. I’ve grown to be a book type of girl, rather than to be the gamers type.

“What? That otome game? Hell yeah! Listen— the men’s are fine shits, and hot asf!”

They are being so loud..

“RIGHT???”

Oh my God..

“Honestly i dont really played that.. i’ve been annoyed by that one character! I forgot what’s her name— oh yeah! The Villainess.”

—

“I need to survive, no matter what.”

Hellooww, this is my newest fanfic of love and deepspace. And this is heavily inspirated by Death is the Ending for the Villainess. In this AU, Elysia doesnt have any protocore syndrome at all, or coming from EVER laboratarium— no. She is a normal hunter— and why is Zayne still become a doctor if she even didnt have any disease?? Well, to me, that man is a doctor in or out, especially his parents are chinese(if i remember quietly) so without Elysia disease, he will still be a doctor on either way.

Btw, this is like a love and deepspace x death is the only ending for the villainess x honkai impact 3rd (only names; eden, elysia)

Well, yeah.. @evreluns is my another account, guys— you can follow this account incase i update the next part there.

Taglist:

[babextoken]

♡˖⊹got a curse I cannot lift

Dangerous to Me series ⟡˙⋆chapter 4

Catch up or relive it ⟡˙⋆ 1 2 3 ⟡ masterlist

summary: in and out of Vessel's troubled dreamscapes pairing: Vessel x reader wc: 1.2k head's up: nothing hugely explicit except p in v, inferences to the following: dub con, virginity kinks, cunnilingus, choking, lap dancing, prostitution, gentle femdom, smothering. a/n: ever since I saw this scene in Wheel of Time, I knew I found my concept for a dream sequence. this was an emotional one for me for some reason. i hope you enjoy it, too 𓈒⟡₊⋆∘˚⊹ Situation Enjoyers™: @lifemod17 @glitterghost @adenobabe  @jeriiicho @milk--bones  @myaudiocommentary  @horsebiologist @intake-of-breath @fruitsandcheese @killed-by-thegods @goosepond69 @friendly-neighborhood-ghoul @lynzeequitlollygagging @thatxxjiyong-ssi  @cloudy-soul @daddysaidbringthethunder  @evisnotok @cheomain @object-of-my-desire @dreamer-lost-in-wonderland @blvckmvgicwoman @canopies-of-gold-and-evergreen @thewayyoulay @houseofsleeptoken @jerrysghostwriter @music-lover23 @renegadebirch @blackcherrywhiskey @saythatuwill @temptation-waits @kenjipepsi1@iiischeckeredsocks

Recommended listening:

Consider the humble, practical, and skeptical Vessel. The man who has never knocked on wood and gleefully walks under ladders. The man who once unmatched with the same girl across three different dating apps because she wouldn’t stop talking about the moon’s position at the moment and how it was the prime time for them to discuss their hopes and dreams about each other. Yes…he is the same one illuminated by the blue light of his phone at 1 AM, frantically Googling the most batshit things (pictured below).

It was hopeless. All jokes aside, he was miserable. It was like he was living a double life. That first conversation you two had seemed like a lifetime ago. He finally accepted that you had genuinely wanted to get to know him and the easiest way to get him talking was to talk music. And then you both pushed each other away. Tragic. A missed opportunity. But when he took that punch for you, tasted his own blood, he felt sworn to you. Like some brainless knight desperate to court you by fighting off bandits or some shit. And he liked it. But you couldn’t know that. Mothmansdad (which, by the way, what the fuck was he thinking with that) couldn’t even drop hints that maybe Vessel’s feelings for you were so gentle and tender that he experienced something like cuteness aggression. 

The whole fake profile was a manifestation of his cowardice. On one hand he realized you were more willing to share yourself with a stranger than with anyone in person. You could hide behind “… is typing,” choosing your words without them seeing how it killed you relive things. He knew about your ex now. He knew about your situation with the guy in the alley. His persona knew more than he did, and in a sick way, he was envious of the stranger he was online with you. When you’d come to work he fabricated his own personal hell making sure not to reference something you two talked about. Or to touch you. To ask if you had gotten some sleep after telling him about all the others before the guy in the alley. To hold you. To once again show you that submission and fealty he felt when you cleaned his split lip. It was making him act stupid. Everything had to be expressed in the sickest, weirdest way. As he settles in bed for the night, finally, he concedes that he’s fucked. He has no true outlet. Except for his dreams. 

⁺ 𓂋 𓈒 ♡

It was the lighthouse one again. Vessel is a desperate, lonely lighthouse keeper who begs your ruthless father for your hand in marriage. You’re  practically stolen away from your spoiled little life and are forced to live with this man whose gaze betrays that he wants to eat you alive. Tonight, Vessel gets to a new part of the dream. Like an unlocked area. It’s past the awkward wedding ceremony where you refuse to kiss his lips and he’s forced to place a desperate, needy kiss on your cheek. No. Now it’s the wedding night and a storm shakes the drafty keeper’s cottage where you stare out the window at the churning sea, holding a tartan shawl tight against you. You look like a babe in the woods. Vessel reaches out to touch your shoulder, causing you to shiver and gasp. He likes it. He likes that you share his name and that he has the chance to mould how you react to him from here on out. He presses against you, nibbling your ear. 

“I’ve never known a man…husband,” you say in a meek voice. Fuck. The dream is so vivid he feels his erection press hard against your plush ass, the layers of his wool trousers and your soft petticoats be damned. Your dress and shawl suddenly fall to the floor, and Vessel’s hands wrap around your soft middle to pull you to the small bed.

He’s falling backwards, hard.

He’s in a foggy field, blood in his mouth like that night in the alley behind work. His chest heavy with a mail shirt of some sort.

“Get up, boy.” 

Vessel sits up faster than humanly possible to see you there. The Lady of Shallot incarnate across from him on a rock. He crawls towards you frantically as your legs open. Warm, inviting femininity awaits him as he reaches you. But no slick folds greet his tongue, and he falls through again. 

He’s lying on your chest in a bed, crying. You’re scratching his scalp softly, comforting him, but why’s he crying? He’s blubbering on about something but his dream words don’t make sense. You whisper his name, and he moves to look down at you, bracing on his forearms.

Vessel blinks.

He’s in that foggy garden again, but this time you’re just you. His princess. The upper hand belongs to him now as he gropes your hips and whispers promises of pleasure and making you his with a rough whisper. Your pretty dress pools around your waist as his gaze flicks down to watch how he fucks you into the dewy grass. Vessel bites his lip as he feels your hand trail up his abs but jolts when he feels another, more familiar, hand slide over his pubic bone from behind. 

“Do it.”

It’s his voice, but it’s not his face he feels. It’s cold, bone-like. But that doesn’t stop him from nuzzling back against himself. 

“Do it.”

It’s your voice now, and his hand is around your throat. Vessel pulls out and away, horrified.

He’s in a velvet chair in a dark room, legs spread as you straddle him, moving your hips in little figure 8s. As you bounce rhythmically to the music that will only exist in this dream and run your hands through your hair, Vessel reaches out to touch your breasts but you stop him.

“You haven’t paid enough to deserve that.”

“Wha-“ 

He’s on his knees in the same room. The tightness of the leather harness around his chest is ignored thanks to the tender way you caress his face and coo at him. Calling him a good boy. He leans up to kiss you because, in this dream, he knows in his heart you’ll kiss him back. 

His lips meet that guy’s fist again in the alley.

His lips meet your fist in the alley.

He’s sexting you as mothmansdad. 

He’s young again. This isn’t a dream, it’s a memory. He’s having his heart crushed. He’s learning that nothing worthwhile is meant for him. But this time it’s not her saying it, it’s you. Straddling him. Why is he hard? Why the fuck is he hard as you tell him he’s not worth it as you pick up the pillow you had been sleeping on. Still warm as it covers his face.

Vessel’s talking again. About nerd shit. Always the nerd shit. The music theory professor was in…and all because a sweet plump little thing beside him piped up saying, “An 11/8 time signature? That’s not even a real fraction!” And he’s talking to you about it like he would a child. Not to patronize but to level with. He sees your smile and commits to memory all the little things he does that puts it on your face. The sun isn’t that bright. It’s not that warm. He asks about you. He dedicates the EP to you. He lo–

⁺ 𓂋 𓈒 ♡

Vessel wakes up screaming. The bedroom is spinning, and he feels like he might be sick. “OK!” He yells to no one. “O-FUCKING-KAY. I LOVE HER.”

[tommiieimagiines]

hihihi

uhm so am i allowed to request again (i don’t wanna spam) 😭😭🙏

and if i am can u pls do a rui x hopeless romantic best friend reader (i’m totally normal about best friends to lovers lmfao)

so like the reader is always yapping about hot guys and it’s a little angsty at first because rui is thinking to himself ‘why did i have to fall inlove with someone that won’t ever choose me’ and then one day a hot guy comes up to reader and asks her out, reader is about to say yes but then she realises that she barely knew him and there was someone (rui) who had been by her side since day one and she figures out who she really loves (RUIII) so she rejects him and when rui asks why she just hugs him and says ‘because your the one i really want’ mwah mwah i feel like such a genius (i really hope this made sense lmao be prepared for a million bestie-> lovers and angst-> fluff rui requests 😼)

thank youyoyoyoyoyuuu!!

hi guys! i’m so so incredibly sorry for how inactive i have been! unfortunately, the fanfic writer curse caught up to me, and i’ve had considerably bad things happen to me! ToT

i had developed a really bad addiction after a recent episode - which may be why i’ve loved to write my characters so miserable, but they get a happy ending in the end - and have recently relapsed after a couple months. i’ve also been struggling with a lot of things, like being bullied again, pressure from theater, classes, autism, parental issues, memory of past trauma, having no friends, things like that. i’ve just been having a really hard time, so writing has been super difficult for me. i’m currently having some of the worst mental health in my life, and am un-recovering from other things i’ve had in the past too, after seeing the results of my recovery. sorry if this triggered anybody, i just needed to get this off my chest, and felt also that i should explain where i have been. you all supporting me has kept me going, and i hope you enjoy this one too! LETS END THE PITY PARTY!!!

in other - not so depressing news - here you guys go!! sorry for OOCness, obviously this is a more dramatic approach to a story! happy ending, j tried to write the inner narration differently for how you two were feeling at the time.. and ty once again for such a great idea, mama ^3^

“I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me.”

If he has to sit here and listen to this one more time, he thinks he’ll go insane.

Rui Kamishiro loves you. He truly does. You’re his best friend, his partner in crime, his-

Never mind.

Rui loves you, but he absolutely HATES your taste in guys, and it’s driving him nuts. Nodding and agreeing can only get him so far before he wants to rip his own hair out, and tonight is no exception.

“I give up! All boys are dumb, I don’t need them!” You lament, resting your chin in your hands. It’s the same song and dance over and over. You swear off boys, you get attention, you get sucked in, and he has to pick up the pieces when it inevitably fails. How many times has he thought about how much better he would treat you now? He doesn’t know. He’d be a classical lover, he’d never speak to you the way those stupid unprincipled high school boys do.

Gross. That’s his best friend, why’d he think that? And when did he start being so self confident? He really outta look at himself in the mirror. What an egomaniac he’s turning out to be.

He shakes his head.

“You do know I’m still a boy, right?” He prods, trying to cheer you up. He knows this situation well, and he knows exactly how to make you feel better. Again he’d pull you out of this, and again he’d watch you fall in love.

He wishes you could be happy. He wishes you weren’t in love with being in love. You’re too pure for true love, love is disgusting, depraved, and unkind. You’re not anything like that.

“I know, I know, but you’re the only good one!” You point, words self-assured. “I don’t need a boyfriend, you do everything boyfriendy for me anyway!”

Ouch. Thanks a lot, that’s exactly what he needed to hear right now. He’s not gonna dwell on that last bit for now, he’ll wait until he’s home. Then he can- he doesn’t know. Cry, or something juvenile like that.

“So I’m back-up-boyfriend?” He masks himself in jest, smiling teasingly at you.

“Eh, maybe,” you snicker, “you’d definitely be cute if you weren’t my friend.”

He turns to his school work sharply, trying to mask his complete and utter despair. Ugh, why does he have to be so dramatic? His own personality makes his skin crawl with disgust and hatred, and that only makes him cringe more. He could think about how obnoxious he is all day. Maybe he should use that go home and cry pass early. He pretends to check the time, as if that isn’t all he’s been doing.

“It’s getting late, after this problem I should get going.” He mutters, scribbling some random numbers into his notebook. You yawn in response, being broken out of absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

“Ugh, I wish you didn’t have to go!” You drape an arm over his torso, trying to hold him in. He smiles fondly, wrestling to get you off of him.

“I’d have to walk home in the dark then, do you want that?” He knows you’d never let him, and he sees it immediately.

Your face looks knowing, and you let him go right away. It amuses him at first, but quickly fills him with overwhelming pity. You’re so kindhearted it makes him sick. You shouldn’t worry about someone like him, it’s bad for your health.

“Would you like me to walk home with you?!” You shoot up, the idea of him not being safe running through your head. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. How emasculating! He’s not a helpless young girl! He’s just as manly as those boys who you long for, he’s not a puppy to be walked!

God, is jealously turning him into a bigot? He shakes his head once again, this time not just to clear his thoughts. He’s absolutely not letting you walk him home, it’d be mortifying. He takes your attention belly up, you should have a break. Maybe some time to yourself for a change? God, Rui, get a grip.

“I’m fine, I don’t want you out late by yourself either,” he assures, looking at you in haste.

“Ah. You have a point.”

“I always do.” He means more to that, and he wishes he could tell you. He wants you to see that even he knows what he’s talking about. He needs you to see him, just for once. Not as a best friend, or backup boyfriend, just as a regular one. As a lover who dances in the rain, or ties your shoes

He needs to stop. He shouldn’t think about you like that. It’s lecherous.

You two exchange goodbyes, giving him a long hug (much to his horror). He hates how feverish it is it hold you like this, it makes him feel guilty. His body gets hot, his cheeks flare up, his throat feels tight- it makes him feel like a pervert, even if his thoughts are the farthest thing from lewd.

He feels that everything he thinks about you is repulsive, though.

“Be safe”’s and “See you later”’s are passed between you two, and he walks down your front steps, now completely alone. His eyes scan the damp pavement, seeing the golden hues from the sky light the boring rock. That’s how he feels about you, he decides. You’re the sun, and he’s the pavement. He humors himself by thinking that your suitors are the clouds, stopping you from shining your light for him so he can grow weeds in the cracks of his soul. That’s what these feelings are. Weeds.

He wants to live life beautifully with you, he decides. He wants to tie your shoes, he wants to twirl you as you dance.

He wishes he could be the moon. Something of consequence- of importance, but he’s just the pavement. Not the earth, not the stars, not the clouds, or rain, he’s just a man made monster who destroys nature - you - and is walked over by people who do matter.

He should quit being this way, he grumbles, it doesn’t do anybody any good to be so flowery. He’s too girly- too weak. Maybe that’s why you don’t like him. If you’re willing to date anything that moves other than him, that must mean he’s on a completely new level, huh?

That’s what dreaming gets you, Rui. Crushed dreams and embarrassment.

He lets out a pitiful sigh, kicking a pebble with his shoe. He sees a worm in a lawn which reminds him of himself, he sees a couple shopping for a new game which reminds him of you, he sees a convenience store which reminds him that he’s hungry-

His life can be so mundane sometimes, what a drag.

He’s about to reach his front door, when he steps into a puddle. It feels like an appropriate representation of his life right now. A sense of disgraceful hilarity washes over him, and he begins to laugh. He laughs a while, he laughs as he takes his shoes off, he laughs as he peels his button up down, and he laughs as he lays in his bed. How dramatic he could be some times!

He falls asleep quickly. He has a dream about being on stage and forgetting his lines.

He wakes up with a thud, he fell out of bed. How embarrassing. He decides to check his phone.

Weirdo: RUII

Weirdo: wanna hang w me 2day?? u don’t have dance time right??

Weirdo: gonna kill you. WAKE UP

Me: I’m awake, sorry!

Weirdo: finally sleeping beauty

Weirdo: wanna get a snack? i’m simply starved…

Me: When?

Weirdo: an hr maybe…

Me: Okay :) I’ll tell you when I leave.

Weirdo: kay!!

He really doesn’t feel like being social today, but he’d never pass up an opportunity to see you. He’s an obscene degenerate when it comes to you, pouncing on your attention like a sick dog. It’s mortifyingly pathetic.

He gets dressed, throwing on a boring striped sweater. It’s getting colder outside recently, and he’s always ran cold anyway. His hands are shaky and nervous as he brushes his teeth, the anxiousness to see you making his body jittery. He considers breakfast, but quickly shuts the idea down. He doesn’t want to be stressed out - at least more than he already is - when he sees you. Twitchy hands lock his door, and he gets a few feet away before he double checks that he did, in fact, lock it. Pull yourself together, Rui! He screams at himself.

The walk is just as unexciting as he expected, albeit a bit chilly. He’s feeling thankful for the sweater. The breeze runs its hands through his hair, and he’s reminded that winter is coming. He always liked Autumn flowers the best, hibiscus flowers are pretty too, he supposes. It’s nice to have the warmth of the sun soothing his cold hands during summer, for sure.

He trips over a rock on the way, and his pants get wet on the knees. Khaki blends into an ugly brown, and he sighs. How unlucky, would anything go right for him today?

Turns out it will, you look really good today.

You great him at the door, practically buzzing with eagerness. It makes him smile, knowing that you do, in fact, want to see him. Or at least are acting like it. You’re a good friend to him, he’s lucky to have you.

“Rui!” You hug him as a greeting, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. His heart soothes, eyes closing in relaxation. Problems feel obscure and distant when you two are like this, despite his reluctance last night. He can forget about corrupt feelings - or misguided love- and he can just be your best friend. Despite his apprehension to be cared for, he is flattered that you, at least, seem to like him.

“Hey.” He breaths you in, his voice soft. He hopes you don’t notice, it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” You reply, pulling away. “Big things planned, Rui!”

“What big things?” He asks, amused. “Big things” for you were junk food and shopping.

“Big things! It’s a surprise!” You put your shoes on, and he can’t help but feel jealous as he watches your hands tie them dutifully. He sighs, stretching. He decides to make it a challenge to act normal the whole day. No weird thoughts are going to beguile his mind, he promises himself.

You lock your front door, twisting the knob to make sure that it did, in fact, lock. This fills him with a child-like sense of delight, maybe you two really were similar.

Nah, not possible. You’re too pure - too perfect. Ugh, Rui, no more stupid thoughts.

He watches you check the time, make a face at a nearby bird, and cover your cheeks with your hands. You suddenly perk up, wrapping your arms around him.

“Warm me up, will ya?” You scowl at the cool air, grip tightening. He gulps. It’s weird he reacts like this, considering you two have done things like this all the time. It’s normal, so why does he have to be such a creep? His arms wrap around yours, running his hands up and down to create heat.

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” he chides, “wouldn’t be cold, y’know?” His voice is so casual, like everything is totally fine. It is fine. Fine, fine, fine.

“Gotta look good. I’m on the hunt, obviously,” you joke. It isn’t funny to him, but he lets out a laugh.

“You’re hopeless.”

You two stop at a convenience store first, and you all but sprint to the drinks. He had this ritual down to a science. You grab two different color slushies, and he grabs whatever odd snack catches your collective stomachs eye today. Today the two of you decide to split a cookie, and walk to the counter. The cashier gives you a smirk, and he averts his eyes.

“This it?” The boy cocks his head, and you get the memo. You immediately jump on the opportunity.

“Mhm!” You wink, resting your chin in your hands while leaning against the counter. In all honestly, he wasn’t even that cute. At least, that’s what Rui kept telling himself.

“Don’t worry about it, than. I got you guys,” he waves you off. Score! You think, but he adds. “If I can get your number.” Rui feels like falling into the floor, how awkward! You just scribble it onto a stray receipt, winking.

“Thank you! You’re the sweetest!!” You singsong, skipping along with Rui following suite. You immediately burst into laughter, throwing a fake punch at Rui. “What a weirdo! Like I’d call him over what, 1000 yen?! I don’t even know him, yuck!”

So you did have some sense, he feels like letting out a sigh of relief. You hold your hands out.

“Which one do you want? I got your favorite!!” You look so proud, and he wants to laugh. His “favorite” isn’t actually his favorite, but he’d never tell you that.

The lie started one day in middle school, when the two of you suddenly had a weird craving for slushies. When you picked them out, you had gotten a red one and a blue one, and asked him what he wanted. While he really didn’t like red, he knew you liked blue, so he said red. Now for the past four years, you’ve always ended up getting him a red one, thinking it was his favorite. He’ll deal with it for you. Seeing your blue tongue stick out with brain freeze is better than any sugary drink anyway.

“Red, duh.” He scoffs playfully, taking a sip of it. The taste doesn’t really bother him all that much anymore. It reminds him of you.

You always let him divide the snacks, thinking he gives himself the bigger half. He never does, but he eats slower so you think he did. You skip along, enjoying it.

“Y’know, this isn’t bad. Wish they had the brownie, though. That never does us wrong.” God, don’t make him think of the ‘crack brownies’ - as you two call them. Those are great, and he likes them, so you never miss an opportunity to shove them down his throat.

“Don’t complain. Remember the egg roll incident?” He points, laughing at the memory. You two steer clear of that section now, having gotten sick.

“Ugh, I haven’t thought about that in a while! I’m never eating an egg roll again after that day! Ugh,” you gag.

Moments of silly memories like this make him feel like he’s known you forever. He can’t even remember a moment where he hasn’t loved you.

“Where’re we going now, commander?” He salutes, following the trail of sunshine you left behind.

“Where ever the wind blows us, kind sir!” You salute back, pushing him along. Your constant checks of your phone don’t go unnoticed by him, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“Who’re you texting? Don’t tell me it’s that guy.” He tries to sound casual, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“‘M not a total idiot, I’ll have you know!” You huff, holding your phone to your chest. “It’s just somebody we went to school with a while back, ‘m seeing if I can pull the moves.”

“Do I know him?”

“Dunno, never saw you two talking, so maybe not. He was in my english class, remember, the only class we didn’t have together?”

“Ah.”

You two walk in silence, except for when he yanks you back from the collar so you don’t walk into oncoming traffic, which amuses you greatly. You two soon arrive at the small mall, and he tails you as you run with excitement. You two browse everything, constantly pointing out cute plushies, or interesting keychains.

“Rui, look! Look!” You shake him, pointing to the back of somebody’s head inconspicuously. “Wait don’t yet- Okay, now! He’s turning around! That’s the guy! What a coincidence we see him here, right? Do you recognize him?”

Ha. Yeah, he knows this guy. He definitely knows him. He’s the one who would trip him during passing periods, he’s the one who left flowers on his desk. They make eye contact, and it’s like all of his growth left his body. He’s just the same freak from middle school, he’s still thirteen.

He shudders at the guys smirk, sensing that he definitely knows that Rui knows him. He jogs over to the two of you, and Rui already knows what’s about to happen, due to the lopsided smile on your face.

Damnit, this is the first time he doesn’t think he can act like it’s okay.

“Oh wow, what a coincidence! Must be fate we run into each other like this, ehe…” You giggle awkwardly, a dumb expression gracing your face. It’s painful seeing you that way for anybody other than him, and he looks away awkwardly.

“Must be.” He answers, swaggering closer towards you. Rui thanks whatever God above because - despite his current situation - at least this asshole didn’t go to highschool with you guys.

He looks down at his shoes, and tries to shuffle away, knowing this jackass is about to say something. He’s quickly stopped.

“Who’s this, huh? Feel like a recognize him from somewhere…” He trails off, smirking through his nose as he turns his attention to him. “Have we met before?”

“This is Kamishiro Rui, he’s my friend! He went to middle school with us, remember?” You happily answer for him.

Ha, friend? What happened to back-up boyfriend? He’s a little hurt, to be honest.

He feels bitter, it’s unbecoming- God, he doesn’t care. He should feel bad for getting so angry over it, it’s not like you belong to him. He’s such a freak, getting attached to you like this.

He starts to pick at his fingers, then he plays with a loose string on his sweater. You two continue to chat like nothings wrong, and he keeps thinking. It’s something he’s gotten good at recently.

He stops feeling bad about himself for a second- a split second where he resents you, and wishes his pain upon you. Wants you to know what it’s like to be so disgustingly, guiltily, revoltingly obsessed with someone. In this split second, he can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it, which is unlike him. He wishes you felt love like this, that you were as psychotic about it.

But this doesn’t last long, because he remembers that he loves you more than anything. He’s lucky to be your friend. You’re a great friend, you’re an amazing person, you’re the sun, the sun, the sun.

He’s the pavement, he has to remember.

“I’m- I’ll leave you to it, y’know? Fabric store.” He stutters, choking on his voice. You don’t even notice, waving him off.

You do, however, remember to press his shoulder, uttering an absentminded “Okay, Rui, bye,” and he remembers again how perfect you are for doing it subconsciously. He lets himself feel the touch, long after he’s walked away. He deserves it after the trouble he’s reliving.

When he makes it to the fabric store - which he really didn’t need anything from, Nene had gotten some the other day - he can’t help himself from wishing he could just go home. Malls were always overwhelming already, and now his saving grace has the attention of another man. He walks through aisles, but realizes that he now has to buy something.

‘Least he knows that social cue, he laughs bitterly, running his hands across his face in frustration. He’s so ridiculous.

Meanwhile, you were chatting up a storm. It was your first time talking in person since middle school, after all! You feel giddy for a while, but it cuts abruptly. You feel a strange sense of urgency, something’s missing.

Oh, your best friend.

But where had he gone? You’re sure he was just here. You smile apologetically at the cute boy, putting on your best performance.

“Oh, I better go get my friend now. I don’t like walking home when it’s late. Was nice seein’ you, let’s hang out soon, ‘kay?” You singsong, stepping closer. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, you’re so cute.

He rolls his eyes, and you’re hit with a wave of uneasiness. That noise he made sounds strangely dismissive, he’s not the kind of guy to be a jerk though, you must be hearing things-

“Leave ‘im. Between you and me, he was a total freak in middle school. Probably is now, too. Probably likes you or somethin’, total nutcase.” His voice sounds so casual, like it’s not the douchiest thing you’ve heard all day.

You let other men walk all over you, sure. You let them cheat on you, lie, whatever. But you’re not about to stand here and insult Rui. He’s the only untouched thing in your life - the only person who isn’t cruel. He’s so gangly and awkward, but in the best way. You could live a million times and not be able to deserve him, at least you think so. He’s so unusual, and that’s what you love most about him. Little things like not liking loud lights, or liking the red slushies the best, make your heart buzzy with familiarity. He’s the one constant in your life.

You’ve been awfully worried about him recently, though. His particularly (as you like to call it) has gone to the an extreme, and it’s been a battle getting him to eat real food. You’re not blind, you see the way he’s been spacing out, or tapping a little too much. You just thought he’d been overwhelmed. He worries you to death sometimes, but despite all of his own struggles, he always seems to not care about it, deciding to always be there for you instead. Ah, he’s just such an amazing guy - no, not guy, he’s not anything like those other boys you talk to. He’d never insult someone like that. He’s not just a guy, he’s like your person.

Yeah, he’s definitely your person.

Your heart sputters at the thought, and you feel something you’ve never really felt before - save for hugs between the two of you that lasted just a second too long, or words a little too romantic. The feeling makes your mind fuzzy, and your heart hurt terribly with something you could only place as homesickness.

Oh.

“I,” you begin, backing away. “Yeah, I’m sorry but I’ll really be going now-“

“What? C’mon I was just messing with you, even though having guy friend’s kinda weird.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll call you back,” you say dismissively.

You’re totally lying, you laugh, you’re not calling him back.

He didn’t seem to like that.

“Damn, can’t even joke around with you people. Whatever, weirdo, sorry I insulted your little boyfriend.” The change in tone amuses you.

Yeah, good riddance, pal.

You turn away, walking through the mall with pace. It takes a while, but you spot him watching a pet stores aquarium.

He’s a funny one.

You wave your hands, trying to get his attention. He swallows, knowing that it’s probably to ask him if it’s cool to walk home by himself. Emotions are stupid, and ironically, you both think that at the same time.

“Rui! Rui! Hey c’mon, let’s go home, yeah?” You smile, face feeling warm. It’s a different feeling from when you usually talk to him. He looks at you, a little shocked. He had assumed you were smiling wide because you set up a date, so he turns his head.

“Where is he, huh?” He looks away, back to the fish tank. You shift in place, was he mad at you? You’re a little irritated at the mention of the guy, though, and huff.

“Don’t worry about that. Seems like I only attract douchebags, so I decided to go.” You explain, poking his shoulder. “Hey,” you start, “let’s just walk home, I wanna talk to you about something.” The idea makes you feel dizzy, but you’ll have to illustrate your feelings one day.

You can leave out the “I think I’m in love with you” part, you think.

The two of you walk in an excruciating silence, staring down at the reflection of the setting sun in the puddles. His heart tightens, remembering his earlier comparison. Even now, you’re so perfect. Even if he’s frustrated with you - despite you turning down the guy in the end (he doesn’t know why, he wanted to ask) - even if he’s ready to scream, and cry, and ask you what it is he did for you to be so turned off by him, he still thinks you’re the most heavenly, divine person to ever grace his view. He wants to be where you see him, he wants to be in your orbit.

“You’re like the sun-“ He blurts out, immediately regretting it. He didn’t mean to say that, God, he’s so fucking stupid. He sees you stop walking, smiling that same stupid, dopey, lopsided smile that he’s always so jealous of-

Oh. It’s for him.

He chokes, stopping to meet you eye-to-eye. You look up at him too, laughing giddily.

“What does that mean?”

He sputters, stepping away. “N-no it’s nothing- It was stupid anyway so-“

“No, tell me!” You urge, laughing a little harder. “What if it was something bad, ‘nd you were making fun of me? That’s not nice, Rui!”

“I- Hey-“ His voice goes a touch higher, a defensive tone rising. “That’s not-“

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just,” he breaths, trying to word it in the least creepy way possible. How does convey the fact that he sees you as a divine presence, that he sees himself as a worthless creature compared to you, without sounding like he’s hopelessly possessed by love for you? “I just- you’re so amazing,” he starts, “I thought of this stupid thing the other day when I was walking home - you know how I am - and well, I just thought of you when the sun reflected off the pavement - since it rained, y’know? - and well, it just- Sorry, it was dumb-“ He rambles, covering his face in anguish.

Nobody’s ever put that much thought into you. Sure, you’ve received a few ‘You’re so gorgeous’’s, where you’ve had to wonder where they learnt such a “big word”, but never something as poetic as that. The usual Rui-ratic explanation endeared you to him even more. You look at him, the smile never leaving. He’s just… so Rui. His stupid striped sweater, his half up hair - that you’d begged him to grow out - his eyes, whatever. Everything about him you treasure, and little do you know he cherished you even that more intensely.

“I think you’re the moon, Rui. Or maybe the earth, since I take care of you, hah!” You snicker, stepping closer to him. He takes a step back in return, and you grab his hands to make him stay put. His heart throbs, and he almost goes crashing down.

“I.. I don’t-“

You yank his hands, making him look back up at you. “Hey, Rui, I,” you look at him assuringly, “I wanna say something, and you can’t laugh okay?”

He holds his breath, so do you.

Fuck it, just tell him.

“I think I’m in love with you, Rui.” You gaze at him, the words shooting out faster than you can second guess them.

“I don’t-“ He breaks away, his fists balling up. You messed up, you think, you really, really messed up. “I’m not- I’m not going to- You can’t just say that because you got rejected. I- It wouldn’t be nice to- You don’t love me-“

“Rui,” you beg, grabbing his arm again, “holding hands on the way to school, cuddling while doing homework, knowing everything about eachother, these aren’t-“ You breath, “I’ve wanted somebody to love me for so long, Rui, and I was so blind to the fact that I was loved. But the love that I felt for you, - that I feel for you - Rui, isn’t the kind where I can be- where I can just be so- so normal about those things!” You monologue, saying whatever’s on your mind. You’re the rambling one now.

“I found myself comparing you to these piece-of-garbage dude’s I’m always with, wishing I could just date somebody like you instead! But now I realize that it is you-“

His heart falls into his gut, and he breaks free from you again. His hands move to his face, covering his eyes. His voice is broken and cracky as he begins to cry. “That was- you-“ He pulls you into a desperate embrace, arms holding you like you’ll disappear. “You shouldn’t, you’re wrong.” He sobs, “I’m- the way I love you is- You don’t understand, the way I feel isn’t normal I- My love is disgusting, and horrible, and depraved-“ He shakes, you rub his back. “You are so perfect compared to me, I’d never be able to- I love you so much, more than friends are supposed to, more than anyone’s supposed to at our age-“

“Rui, hey Rui please don’t cry.” You beg, smoothing out the ridges in his sweater. “I don’t- I don’t agree with that, and I can scream that at you, but I’m sure you won’t believe me. You’re not disgusting for feeling emotions different, Rui that’s what I love about you.”

“Stop- stop saying my name like that. It’s too hard to-“

“Rui, I love you. You don’t need to accept it, but I love you. More than being in love, more than being loved-“

“I love you, too,” his voice cracks, “that’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to ruin a friendship that’s all I have, if this is just- I’m scared I’d lose you in any way, and I can’t live in a world where you don’t see me. I won’t. It’s sounds horrible but-“ He stops as you pull away from the hug, and wipes his face hastily. You put your pinky out, and his stomach drops again.

“C’mon, just like when we were kids. Pinky promise that no matter what, we’ll always see each other. That way you don’t need to worry anymore, y’know? I never break my kissy pinky promises, ever.”

Just like when you two were little.

He locks his with yours, just like you taught him all those years ago. He remembers your shared handshake for theater, he remembers your shared handshake for testing, and he remembers the song you two had to duet for choir - when you have forced him into it for a year. He holds everything of you so dear to his heart, you endear everything about him to you as well.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I see you.”

“I see you, too.”

You two kiss your hands, then bring them down, still interlinked. You stare at him, and he stares back at you. In a moment of profound sincerity, you lean forward, and kiss him. It’s slow and gentle, and you unlock your hands half way through to hold his face, which he mirrors. His heart settles for the first time. You see him. He’s your moon, your earth, you’re his sun, his stars.

He’s suddenly alarmed by a quick pushing off of him, gasping out a “Rui!”

“I-“ he pants, wiping his mouth. “Hm?”

“we’re in the middle of a park!”

[helenofblackthorns]

maybe it's just me but sometimes the narrative surrounding Julian & his siblings in the fandom annoys me just a little bit. especially the twins like he is not their father?? he did not raise them?? yes he did raise Tavvy but the twins are literally two years younger than him. they have the exact same age gap as Alec & Izzy.

like I understand where this perspective comes from, aka Julian. obviously it seems like common sense to take a main character at his word but you can't!! Julian's has a very disordered thought process regarding his siblings specifically and he isn't necessarily representing the situation clearly. he was forced to grow up very quickly at a young age and because of that he's created a narrative in his head that frames his siblings as being younger than they are and he's wrong!! except maybe Tavvy they ALL grew up too fast. we literally see Dru looking after Tavvy multiple times during tda like she's also raising him. and Julian is in many ways blind to that (he does work on it throughout the series tho, see: him letting Ty & Livvy go out on their own in London & treating Dru less like a little kid)

yes he refers to them as his kids sometimes, but again, this is disordered thinking. Livvy Ty & Dru don't view him at a father figure: Ty was literally the champion of wanting Mark to take over from Julian (and he hates change!!). Livvy & Ty also hacked his phone so they could keep tabs and make sure he was ok like. Julian perspection is not mutual, and even he doesn't always believe in it. exhibit a:

look at the language he uses regarding each of his siblings. in his ideal future, he wants to teach Tavvy (which is very parental) but he wants to fence with Livvy, and watch movies with Dru, and look for animals with Ty - as equals, as siblings. he just wants to be able to hang out with them doing things they love without having the burden of caring for them. which is also different to how Mark & Helen (& Aline) are referred to, as they are sharing that burden. he's not really bonding with them in the way he wants to with his younger siblings. (which also is bring us to the other contributing factor here which is that tda (& sobh) give the impression that Julian is closest with Mark and people assume that has always been the case. which isnt true but that's a whole other post lol)

anyway I really really hope twp digs into this significantly & we see more of the whole situation from Ty's & Dru's eyes. because I need Julian's framing to be broken down within the text for my own peace of mind and also because I want to see him finally have that bond back

[nullusreimorio]

Degrees of Lewdity AU: Actor AU

Yes, you heard that right, folks! DoL:ActAU will now be a thing in my blog.

Re-reading this made my brain go BRRRR, because in my head a random person getting their costume's head off is that funny, and from there it all spiraled down.

The Whitney breaks Syd's glasses scene in particular is stuck in my head, because I imagine that at some point, right before Whit can grab the glasses, Syd would scream to wait, making Whit shit himself cuz dude what is happening. The director screams cut, of course. "I'm so sorry, these are my real glasses-" while laughing, and taking them off to give into custody before putting on the props, with Whitney just wheezing in the background.

The genderbent version of LIs would mostly be people that really resemble each other, except for the Kylar duo. They are twins who love to scare other people by just staring at them (it is a running inside joke on set).

Bailey is actually a sweet parental figure off-character, always making sure he didn't actually hurt the other actors (think Jason Isaac in Harry Potter as he switches between the cruel Lucius Malfoy and actually caring for Tom Felton, asking him if he's ok and apologizing when he did in fact hurt him by accident)

Another running gag on set is Harper just.. being there. Smiling at everyone with cold eyes, bombing pictures and selfies. Sometimes they stay in the background of the scene, looking directly at the camera. They say it's funnier to stay in character. Off-character they are very fun to be around, but they enjoy unsettling people. Them and the Kylars are sometimes banned from being in the studio if the scene doesn't need them.

GH got tangled up in the fly system. Everyone laughed and took pictures and videos, but promptly eliminated them at GH's request. They are shy.

The Averys enjoy their role very much. What they don't enjoy is having to drink grape juice or scented water instead of actual alcohol. They do get a nice glass of wine once off-set are over.

Whenever the Wrens are in the studio, F!Whit, M!Robin, the Wrens, F!BW, the Edens, F!Avery and the Baileys get a bit too much into playing cards. Blackjack, Durak, Scopa, Rummy, Machiavelli... the list could go on. They always manage to rope technicians to play with them as well.

Everyone hates the Kylars because their makeup doesn't need much time, while everyone else (ESPECIALLY GH, BW and IW) need enough time to always look polished/roughed up, depending on the situation.

M!Jordan is actually atheist, and whenever he has to talk like a true Christian guy, once his line is over he mocks himself. He enjoys wearing his costume off-set just for shits and giggles, and other actors often visit him in the confessional just to say "I'm sorry daddy, I've been naughty~" "Jail for a hundred years. NEXT"

F!Jordan and Ivory Wraith are actually cousins, and sometimes M!Jordan and Ivory Wraith swap costumes to see if there is any difference other than Jordan's massive tits.

Aaaand that's it, for now! As of now this is how far my brain thought while in the middle of exams, I will slowly add more into it. I don't know if it was already done, but thinking about these jackasses actually play-pretending makes me feel better ^^

[bri-cheeses]

Fiercely and obsessively (wrapped around your finger) — Part 10

| Rosekiller Soulmate AU | Previous part is here | Word Count: 1,210 |

-

At first, Barty didn’t understand what he was seeing. Surely he would’ve noticed it before now if Evan had met his soulmate? He’d had plenty of opportunities to see Evan’s mark since his birthday, so how did he miss this?

“Oh,” Barty said, but it came out all strangled and high pitched. Because he’d just realized the true extent of what this situation meant—if Evan’s soulmate mark was no longer black, that meant that he had a soulmate.

Evan had a soulmate.

Barty was hit with such a strong wave a jealously that it left him somewhat breathless, but he still managed to choke out the words, “Who is it?”

Was that why Evan had been acting so strange around him? Because he didn’t want to be as close to Barty now that he had someone else?

Evan’s voice tore Barty’s attention away from his arm and to his face, where he was looking at him strangely.

“You don’t know?” Evan asked. He sounded confused.

“I—should I?” And then, a horrible thought struck him. “It’s not Reg, is it?”

Evan’s laughter caught him off guard.

“What?” Barty asked frantically as Evan doubled over and wheezed uncontrollably. Surely that hadn’t been that outlandish of a question, had it?

“You thought it was Regulus?” Evan gasped with tears in his eyes.

“Well, I don’t know! All I know is that one second you’re crying into my shoulder and the next you apparently have a soulmate and I don’t know what’s going on!”

“Barty,” Evan said, finally calming himself down. “Look at your arm.”

Why Evan wanted him to look at his arm was lost on him, but after several seconds of confused silence, he did as he was told.

“No, Barty, not that one,” Evan said a bit impatiently. Barty sighed in defeat, then looked over to his left arm.

And froze.

Because there on his upper arm, exposed for all the world to see, was his soulmate mark, alive and bright with swirling colors.

Colors that matched Evan’s.

A series of images flashed into his mind. His fist in Evan’s shirt. Evan’s hands, shoving him backwards. The way they had fallen, Evan’s hands reaching out to catch his fall, and the inside of his arm grazing Barty’s bare bicep as they went down.

Oh, he thought.

And slowly, ever so slowly, he looked back up at Evan.

Evan, his best friend of six years. Evan, who he had loved fiercely and obsessively as long as he had known him. Who he had always felt differently about than all of his other friends, who he never wanted to be separated from, who he was in constant contact with because he simply couldn’t help himself. Who he had always gravitated towards, no matter the circumstances or company.

Evan, who was looking at him nervously and waiting for his reaction.

Barty took a step forward so that he was standing in Evan’s personal space. Evan winced slightly, but he didn’t move back. Not even when Barty reached a reverent hand up to cup his cheek and hold his gaze steady on his, eyelashes fluttering just slightly as he stared at Barty with parted lips.

“I am going to ask you about so many different things later,” Barty said, “but right now, I think I might actually die if I don’t kiss you somewhere in the next three seconds.”

Evan breathed out a soft “Oh”, but that was as far as he got before Barty’s crashed his lips into his, effectively cutting him off.

Evan hands came up to rest on Barty’s waist, pulling him in eagerly, and all Barty could think was “Yes, this is right.” How he had missed that before, he had no idea, but here with Evan’s lips moving against his, Barty could think of no place he’d rather be.

Evan pulled away first, gasping for air. Barty would’ve been worried except for the fact that his eyes were bright as he looked at Barty and nowhere else, seemingly drinking in every last detail of this moment.

“You,” said Evan, still breathing heavily, “have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

Barty grinned.

“Then show me,” he said, and Evan did just that.

Hours later, after many kisses and long conversations, Barty was starting to feel like everything in the world was suddenly making sense.

Apparently, Evan had been in love with him for years, ever since the first year of school when Barty had helped him out with a difficult spell in Charms.

“At first,” Evan had said, “I had just written it off as a harmless crush. But you’ve got a real way of wrapping people around your finger, you know that?”

“Not people,” Barty had responded. “Just you.”

That had earned him another kiss.

And then Evan had explained why he’d been acting so oddly for the past few weeks, saying that he had been hoping for years that Barty was his soulmate, and the stress of soon knowing whether or not that would turn out to be true had eaten away at him. And once he had finally gotten his soulmate mark, he had avoided touching Barty because he hadn’t wanted to touch him and not have their marks light up, proclaiming them as nothing more than friends.

”Good thing the universe was smart enough to overcome all the obstacles you threw in its way,” Barty had laughed.

That had earned him a shove.

On Barty’s end, there was a lot of confusion. When he had fallen in love with Evan, he didn’t know, because now that he noticed it, it felt like something that had always been there, lurking just below the surface. And why he hadn’t noticed it until now, he couldn’t say either—just that he hadn’t.

But it had been apparent in almost everything he did, from the way he acted around Evan to the way he became jealous whenever anyone else showed interest in him. It had always been there, he just hadn’t been aware.

“Good thing the universe was smart enough to overcome all your stupidity,” Evan had parroted.

Which earned him a shove as well, followed by another kiss.

Overall, it was a much overdue conversation, and when they emerged form the woods to go find their friends, they couldn’t stop the happy and satisfied smiles they wore as they walked close together.

Dorcas had noticed first.

“Thank Salazar,” she had breathed, looking back and forth between Evan and Barty. From Regulus, Barty could’ve sworn he heard an exasperated, “Finally”, and really, had they all been waiting for this moment?

His confusion must’ve shown on his face, because Pandora had laughed and said, “Yes, we all knew, and we were all tired of it. Which is why we staged a slight intervention.”

“Intervention?” Evan asked, and then seemed to realize something. He looked around in betrayal. “You purposefully left us alone together, didn’t you?”

Dorcas nodded gleefully.

“That we did, and don’t even pretend that you’re not grateful for it.”

And really, how could Barty argue with that, when thanks to their meddling he had found his soulmate?

And judging from the way Evan blushed and leaned in to peck Barty on the cheek, he felt the exact same way.

-

(The End!)

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/788655015528169472/look-i-like-the-occasional-problematic-ship

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/789430747201224704

I think I understand where both of these people are coming from. The dog whistles are still 100% dog whistles, and the attitude makes me a bit uncomfy, but I think I know why they're saying these things. I respect one of them, I do not respect the other.

They presumably both had uncomfortable fandom experiences where they were made to feel unwelcome. Proship spaces aren't immune to bullies, so maybe that happened, but I think it's more likely an experience curation thing as OTNF said: one poster had a lot of problems escaping content that was upsetting, which can make a space feel unwelcome, and the other is reacting to drama they found stupid and childish.

The problem is, this isn't a matter of "both sides have drama so stop acting like your side is special." People who don't like incest or dark content can get bullied and harrassed, as do people who do like and make it; but the latter are the victims of massive, organized attempts to have their careers ruined and family life destroyed. The former, with a few isolated exceptions, are not.

When you have a trigger and someone won't make space for you, it sucks. This is a problem every ND kid has when the club they really want to join is in a room that has a major sensory trigger in it. It isn't good! It's bad! The answer is to make it so there are spaces friendly to those triggers. It isn't realistic or fair to ban annoying music, but it is to do so in the library or in the room where knitting club is if someone is effected by it. It isn't fair to demand people don't make incest art, but it is reasonable to want a good block system in place and to ask that friends whose non-incest art you want to support tag the incest. The anon who's triggered by incest has my sympathy if they weren't able to find a system that works for them. I'm even more sorry if anyone was being knowingly mean.

The original anon, though, is being ridiculous. "Proshippers keep crying because people think they're weird, but everything that isn't vanilla will get clocked as weird by SOMEbody!" Yes, anon, you are correct. People think freaky taste is weird. So too with being gay, having odd pronouns, keeping your hair natural, or wearing your cultural clothes in public. Nonnie here didn't say that people were evil for being freaks, but they did act like it's an overreaction to be bothered when someone insults you for it. We aren't just talking about having unpopular taste here. Remember that one person who gets active joy when people are bullied until they stop creating problematic content? That's what were talking about. When a guy comes by whining about your profile being the wrong color, then he's an outlier who should be ignored and arguing with him makes you thin-skinned. If he's whining about something that could cause a targetted campaign, then you don't have to act like he's harmless.

That anon also tried to sneekily conflate two arguments. "Proshippers pull 'no true Scotsman' about their own people, who also harrass others!" Yeah, anyone who thinks proshippers can't be assholes is dumb. Proshipping is an anti-harrassment philosophy, though, so they're hypocrites. "Proshippers get upset when they're told incest is weird!" That is an entirely different situation. If an incest writer is going on a stranger's blog to yell at them for being anti-incest, that is weird and gross; when a stranger is singling out incest writers or artists to insult, though, then responding is fair play. Moreover, if I see a blog that's saying anti-kink stuff, even in a "harmless" way, I block on sight -- see the previous paragraph.

--

[partyof4game]

Wanted to show some appreciation for the diversity in relationship choices. I don't think I've ever felt this represented in intimacy as I do with the ace+oblivious options. I do understand why these aren't usually in stories - since it adds a lot of variables and coding - but having access to them makes me realize how alienated the absence makes me feel. Thank you for taking the time to add them!

I have one question about how it technically works: will choosing any of the options that add + to interest in the code stop it from being an oblivious romance path? Or do you need to continue choosing choices that don't give interest but approval so the RO asks about it like Raena does in the beginning? And will we get the ace options you get from kissing Raena with other characters in the future?

Thank you! One of my original goals when starting this IF was that I wanted a romance focused game that also represented asexuality as something more than as a "no I don't do the sex" option. And that felt more authentic in the way that I personally experience sex and relationships as a sex positive ace. With input I've been working on making it possible to cover/RP under more acespec identities, which has taken some finagling for sure. 😅

So for the technicalities! Under the cut because I got long-winded (as usual lol)

An oblivious MC will continue to be so, even after an RO interest check has been set to true. It makes it so that an RO will more openly flirt with MC (who probably doesn't clock it or finds themselves anxious and confused, depending on choices!) For non-oblivious MCs, this leads to a more standard back-and-forth flirting stage!

My general plan is that you mark interest in an RO first, then later you can fully romance them (or not). The only exception to this is Aslo, whose romance is more of a yes/no situation but with varying degrees of yes 😅. I want there to be multiple chances to mark interest, so the first would be before/in Sentari, then right before the first dungeon after you choose your party, and after the first dungeon. After that the game will automatically assume no interest.

After interest, you can go into a romance, which would then lock out other interested ROs (unless possible poly), and set you on the actual romance path. I DO want to give the option to play the entire game as just 'interested', so there continues to be a little candle held for MC, or a certain RO might lose interest at some point, while others will enter into a FWB with MC.

I do have an ace variable that is applied to MCs that choose "I haven't really thought about physical relationships before" type choices. This will give ace players some different romance options that allows MC to either participate in physical encounters 1) as enthusiastically as an allosexual or 2) with a focus on how it makes RO feels, rather than how it makes MC feel, such as Raena's ace kissing scene!

I hope this helps!!

[princess-of-the-corner]

Not sure if this is the right place for it, but I noticed that you did a few salt on salt posts about how screwy the True Holder thing was. Especially when it's just to justify taking Miraculous from characters.

You used a specific example that piqued my interest:

"Adrien is not a True Holder so he gets the Black Cat taken (and it's given to Mari's new love interest who is a True Holder) because he was so entitled about being sure that Marinette is in love with him!

Except, ya know. He was under the impression that he was a True Holder and that they were Destined which is why he was so sure about Marinette's love for him to the point that he ignored the protests despite her never telling him about the fact that she was a True Holder and he wasn't? Ya ever think he /may/ have acted differently if he didn't think they were stuck together anyway?"

Yeah, that's a great point.

But to expand on that, if Adrien isn't a True Holder, but doesn't know then there's a whole can of worms to open. But the gist of it is that if Adrien was never meant to be the Black Cat, then he's easily one of the biggest victims in the story.

Because Fu just walking around and randomly finding the True Holder of the Ladybug is pretty hard to swallow, less than a one in a million chance. So he had to be doing more than just tripping over in public. Fu had to have done some spell or ritual or whatever to find Marinette. But even if it was just coincidence that he found the true Ladybug, these always have Tikki and Plagg (and usually the Guardian) somehow recognize their True holders.

So Fu and Plagg would in turn have known from the start that Adrien wasn't the True Black Cat.

And that means that Adrien was getting manipulated from the start. Plagg and Fu knew Adrien was just a temp, but never told him. They just used him as a fill-in while the real cat wasn't available.

Every bonding moment in the show before the fic starts between Adrien and Plagg? Any time he had doubts and Plagg used their friendship to get him to fall into line? The entire Kuro Neko scene?

Manipulation of an emotionally vulnerable teenager who had no support network. A lonely boy with a friendship with a little chaotic cat spirit? Nah, revisit any scene between those two with the idea that Plagg's just tugging on Adrien's heartstrings to control him and see how sour it gets.

Especially if Plagg's trying to encourage Adrien to go after Ladybug.

And if the writer's doing a Batman crossover it's pretty clear why specifically Adrien was chosen, since between all those academics and Adrien's insane athletics even without the ring- he's about as close to what you could get to a Robin in Paris.

And guess who the actual Black Cat always is?

It's a pretty nasty bit of fridge logic if you ask me.

Personally if I was Adrien in that situation, forget about even considering keeping the ring; I'd never want to even touch a Miraculous again.

YES YES YES I am here to dunk on salt tropes and I've done this one before!!

Firstly the fact that nothing in Canon alludes to any 'True Holder' nonsense. Canon pretty much says you can yeet whatever Miraculous at someone and their ability to use it just depends on like. General skillset not Magic Compatibility™

Secondly! Yeah let's talk about how in all these fics Adrien is under the impression that he /is/ a True Holder.

Because while it doesn't fully handwave the way he pushes Ladybug. If you tell a teenage boy that the girl he's already falling for is some Magical Fated Soulmate that is Destined to be with him™. Ofc he's going to read her disinterest as either denial and hesitation or just teasing/playing hard to get as part of a game but surely she feels the same way and there's no way to fight it.

Which is kinda reinforced when Marinette's new love interest /is/ the True Holder who replaces him. Because in that case he was right! The Ladybug and Black Cat are Magically Destined Fated Mates™! He just was wrong about being the Black Cat himself because he was lied to about that.

Which yeah it IS extremely fucked up that everyone is leading Adrien on then calls him a horrible monstrous person for believing what they told him and punishing him for acting how they encouraged. Like literally what stops Ladybug from telling him "Hey you're not a True Holder so we're not Soulmates me saying I'm not into you isn't 'denial' I'm just uninterested" other than the salt plot?

Not to mention that so many of these don't even give the new love interest any genuine upgrade or explain why not having a True Holder is Bad™ other than 'guess Adrien sucks'. Like if there was some kind of power gap where anyone could use a Miraculous but only a True Holder could unlock certain abilities that'd make more sense.

[ilove-yanli]

HC: A Canon AU Where Phainon & Mydei Broke Up... because of *differences*

Inspired by this!

Phainon and Mydei imo would be the exes who... avoid each other's eyes if they can help it.

They'd fidget when they think they see the other.

Considering their dynamic in-game is... constant bickering and competitions, them being exes would be more avoidant because the moment they do, they either fall back to their old rhythm or let their "bickering" devolve into an actual argument. (In canon, they bicker every other scene, but rarely would you see them actually argue.)

-----

----

Back in the days of Okhema every Chrysos Heir would live in the same quarters.

Not anymore.

As an ugly breakup reared the Chrysos Heirs' heads, they were unprepared to see two once-inseparable companions become strangers who absolutely refuse to even see each other.

At every Chrysos Heir meeting, Phainon and Mydei would often look away from each other and avoid locking eyes. Unless the meeting wasn't urgent, Mydei frequently skips. The others begin to take notice.

"Lord Mydei, is there something wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"But you can tell us, De. We're your friends."

"Like I said, it's nothing. Don't worry about me."

------

Okhemans who are looking forward to a daily spar were disappointed in the fact there haven't been any.

Days passed. Weeks. Months.

No spars.

Little did they know the true situation behind this: Phainon and Mydei broke up ugly, and now they don't want to even see each other's face.

-----

When the Trailblazers came to Amphoreus, Phainon treat them with an overwhelming welcome. Stelle and Dan Heng were immediately suspicious of Phainon's generosity, until they meet Mydei, who is equally suspicious of the two. Phainon and Mydei argue in front of them, their differences hitting a breaking point such that they were already slashing their swords at each other.

They couldn't bother to ask who was Nikador. They were just disturbed by the sight in front of them.

Aglaea and Tribbie had to scold the two, and kept the truth hidden from the visitors beyond the sky.

-----

The two leave each other to their defenses, a decision called about by the other Chrysos Heirs.

The Chrysos Heirs soon had no choice but to tell the truth: Phainon and Mydei are exes who broke up due to unknown circumstances and have still not reconciled.

Their arguments grow more serious as their farewell nears.

----

When the day of farewell finally arrives, Mydei says his goodbyes to everyone except Phainon.

He looks back to see a silvery hair hiding in the shadows.

"..."

"..."

Phainon, finally caught, confronts Mydei. The two end up in another argument.

"If you have nothing to say, just leave."

"Why would I leave when you conveniently arranged an audience just for me?"

"They're the ones who wanted to greet you. I had nothing to do with any of this."

"Hmph."

The two look away from each other.

Until Mydei broke the silence:

"... did you welcome the visitors beyond the sky, just to make me jealous?"

"Jealous? I thought we were over."

"You're the one who won't move on from me."

"I was just being nice. I'm the Deliverer, am I not?"

"And yet, you engage in petty endeavors such as making your rival jealous."

"All I did was in good faith! Did your newfound divinity make you look down on me?"

"What? I never looked down on you, Esteemed Rival! YOU'RE the one putting those words into my mouth!"

Mydei's powers started glowing. Tears were beginning to well in his eyes.

Their argument worsened.

"My life would have been better if I never met you!"

"Yeah right, if I never met you I would still have Cyrene!"

"So that's it, is our love just another competition to you?"

"Love? You toyed with it from the start!"

Mydei was silent for once, and could only look at the signet ring on his finger.

"Tell me you hate me."

"What?"

"You hate me, don't you?"

"Yes... no... I don't know!"

"Isn't there a word for hate in the Kremnoan language?"

"You just said the Kremnoan language didn't have any words at all!"

"Can't take jokes now?"

"You burned down every library..." Mydei muttered under his breath.

It's now Phainon's turn to be stunned. How did Mydei know?

"Go away. Leave. I don't want to see you again. My life would have been better without you anyway."

"Fine. Forget me. Forget that I was ever a part of your life."

The road to Castrum Kremnos is long.

Tears fall on the signet ring.

A broken heart-shaped tear puddle lies on the floor.

-----

Chrysos Heirs Grand Restaurant Spoilers!

Cyrene and Stelle write a story after they are sent back to the start of the 33,550,337th cycle.

All their friends in the Hollow of Aedes Elysiae.

Everyone sat together, feasting on delicious cooking, made by none other than Chef Mydei.

Phainon tries to talk to Mydei, but Mydei ignores him.

"Hey, I bet I can cook better than you!"

"..."

A dejected Phainon walks away from the group after the rest notices how he's trying to rile up Mydei.

Cyrene tries to talk to Phainon.

"Phainon, is everything okay?"

"Cyrene, why does Mydei not remember anything?"

"I'm sorry Phainon."

"Why?"

"Do you need me to jog his memory? They will only cause you pain."

"I'm used to it by now."

"Your friends and I will not want that. Making him remember will only cause pain for you," Cyrene insisted.

"Why?"

"... I don't know, either, but I can't jog his memory," Cyrene lied.

Cyrene and Stelle previously agreed that, when writing Mydei into the restaurant dream, they will make Mydei amnesiac to avoid causing him and Phainon pain.

But Phainon misses Mydei. His Mydei.

He'd do anything.

While Mydei deliberately avoids him.

Cyrene and Castorice secretly made an agreement to avoid mentioning anything about Phainon and Mydei's previous relationship.

Unfortunately, the worst still happens.

While preparing for the "Super Bowl" challenge (instead of Cooking Showdown), Mydei makes too little servings, excluding Phainon from the feast indirectly.

Such a personal attack.

Mydei's not supposed to remember.

Reconciliation would never be an option anymore. Or is it?

"Oh? I thought the other guy didn't want to be a part of our feast, so I made one less serving. Sorry."

Mydei approached Phainon to confront him: "Do I know you? Why do you keep taunting me like you know who I am?"

Phainon feels hurt more than ever.

"My apologies. I shouldn't have said those words."

"You looked like my ex from my past life, whom I never reconciled with before I lost him forever," Phainon thought to himself.

Great. Now they have the chance to start anew.

There's still awkwardness in the two of them.

The Chrysos Heirs made them compete with each other properly in a 10-day cooking showdown, which ended in a draw.

Looks like a beautiful relationship will be born again, from the ashes of the previous Eternal Recurrence.

[riemanifests]

rie's reflections #3

just some thoughts i had lately <3

asking a blogger for help on your specific circumstance, isn't enough to understand loa and does not = research, learning the law, and true understanding of the law. sure they can help you know the basics but even then that does not automatically mean you've now learned the law. you now get it. a lot of lack of research in this community.... 　

but there's also a lot of noise. so many iterations and different explanations of the law through so many different people. who is right and who is wrong? who is giving you the true basics and who is just spreading bullshit? how can beginners be able to learn the law in a no bullshit way and be able to discern, when they need to learn? i think the best first main root is what you assume to be true will be true for you. that means any assumption, that means no limitations. what you can assume to be true is what you can manifest, except assumption is not always a requirement for manifestation. thinking it is enough for some people. deciding is enough for others. assumption is not always the necessary, but it can be helpful. 　

i've been quiet on this blog and that's because well one i see a pattern in anons and people who ask others for help, one that i dont like, two again there's just so much noise in the community and some people are spreading bullshit sometimes myself maybe i've been limiting so i need to really go within again take some time and regroup before i can come back and express to yall in a way that of course, is no bullshit. but again, this is my mind not yours 　

there's so much i want to manifest i mean wow i really am imaginative, i really want to use my free will and push bounds ive never pushed before i am not a one thing type of person no i want to achieve a lot, even shit that's "big" i dont care i want to collect that shit like charms on a bag. 　

my self concept related to relationships and love have really truly been reflected by reality over the years and i think that is the best example to me of how this all works and how it is a reflection, yk its interesting to look back at my history over the years, see the patterns, and then realize what mindset i was in and what beliefs i held that led me to those experiences. i thought i was damned by the universe and that i wasnt learning a lesson, well in a way i wasn't, but i most of all thought it wasnt out of my control but really it was me being in control without even realizing it. 　

i've shed a lot of tears lately. life's not so favorable, not bad just idk not fun either too boring, but also i have a lot of concepts that need to change. years of bullshit and trauma, and i know some of yall are in this spot too, and yet you think manifestation is a one and done quick fix that'll just magically make all of those years have no impact, while yes that could be possible but look is that the situation you're in right now? no you probably have strongly held and reinforced those concepts and beliefs so give urself grace and be willing to put together the little details that'll bring you the full picture you want. 　

i need to expand my capacity to be able to handle and hold more at a time 　

ive been consuming a lot of content lately that does not align with my desired self, definitely need to think about that. 　

i've not been taking care of myself that well and that is definitely reflecting on the inside. i keep thinking, what's the point? using my boring life as an excuse. it's no excuse though, def need to work on that. 　

especially if you go through depression and you're facing tough 3d circumstance that emotionally overwhelm you or trigger really deep and low emotions, you should not be worrying about manifestation in that moment what you should be worried abt is letting urself feel giving your inner self a voice to be unhappy right fucking fully so and just sitting there with yourself and feeling it out. dont walk away from yourself in a time you need you most. dont force yourself to come up with a plan to manifest out of it or force yourself to manifest something then and there or to even be able to persist and assume or decide, when you're fucking upset. give yourself grace and again leave the manifestation for later when you've let it all out you feel better and you're ready to get back on the horse. 　

stop worrying abt other's beliefs like stop asking for validation on your beliefs from a blogger who could look at the same thing differently guys stand on your own have a backbone be fucking reliant on yourself and trust yourself omg... wtf. 　

why do the same anons or well people love to copy and paste the same question to multiple bloggers? then you complain we say different things or the same thing but in sort of a different way. no shit what did you fucking expect? ugh it annoys me too bc why are you asking the same question that was just answered? will never make sense to me idk. 　

too much focus on other's journeys, and not enough on your own. 　

the miserable ones are the ones who say it doesn't work and it's not real. the hateful and lifeless ones are the ones spending time to decode a blogger and see if they're lying or not or even scrolling the anti pages. they're also sending hate to bloggers. the ones who cant fend for themselves or who lack common sense, are the ones angry and throwing up pitchforks at bloggers who dont immediately reply or tell them what they want to hear. no one is going to subscribe and retweet your misrable ass words. 　

a lot of anons like to trauma dump and it is wayyy too fucking normalized in this community and i hate it. you dont need to put out your entire life story nor do you need to list everything traumatic out just to get your question answered or still be helped, fuck you that's insensitive to the person helping you and also get therapy or a journal? not everyone needs or can even handle all of the details. the lack of boundaries is one thing i will never understand or subscribe to in this community. it is insane how someone can be okay with doing that to a person online to a person who probably isnt even older than them and to a human. get a grip and go to therapy we are not your emotional supports. 　

again, lack of brain and thinking capabilities lack of being able to research and go on google lack of discernment lack of responsibility lack of self control and how is it that there is so much lack in so many people in a community or a principle that is full of abundance? truly funny. the law is abundant, infinite, and unlimited, but still, lack in the community. huh. 　

people making blogs to share loa yet they still believe that the universe is outside of them, they couldn't tell you why the bridge of incidents shit aint required, nor could they even really explain all of the topics of loa to you if you asked.. huh. 　

btw ive never read neville and if someone asks you for help and u say go read neville.. fuck off. god those people are so annoying, like it isn't necessary and also not everyone learns best through reading?? and the way neville speaks is sort of oldd.. ALSOO he has some advice and explanations that are sort of limiting and can get ppl to think they're required for loa when really they're not. 　

i think my desire to help others with loa came from my previous desire to help others, i always loved to do that especially with my friends. but now.. im thinking it's too much for me. too exhausting, not a lot of good coming out of it like im so numb to the ppl i've helped and even how maybe good my advice has been bc i just see the bad and just the not so fun side of it.. fuck. loved the community before, now im not so sure. 　

everyone is responsible for their own success at the end of the day. applying. understanding the law. changing their mindsets. 　

btw, might not post again for a bit, but that's okay. ill be back more clear and more like me again, sort of lost myself for a bit there.

　

well i think this page has been filled enough. until next time folks.

[algebraic-dumbass]

this might be a dumb question but like. how do you learn math without a class/curriculum to follow. i have a pretty solid calculus understanding and I want to pursue more advanced math but like im not sure where to start. what even is like category theory it sounds so cool but so scary???. do you have any recommendations on specific fields to begin to look into/whether its best to learn via courses or textbooks or lectures/etc.? any advice would be super appreciated!! dope blog by the way

thanks for the compliment!

first of all it's not a dumb question. trust me i'm the algebraic-dumbass I know what I'm talking about. okay so uh. how does one learn math without a class? it's already hard to learn math WITH a class, so uhhh expect to need motivation. i would recommend making friends with people who know more math than you so you have like, a bit more motivation, and also because math gets much easier if you have people you can ask questions to. Also, learning math can be kind of isolating - most people have no clue what we do.

That said, how does one learn more advanced math?

Well i'm gonna give my opinion, but if anyone has more advice to give, feel free to reblog and share. I suppose the best way to learn math on your own would be through books. You can complement them with video lectures if you want, a lot of them are freely available on the internet. In all cases, it is very important you do exercises when learning: it helps, but it's also the fun part (math is not a spectator sport!). I will say that if you're like me, working on your own can be quite hard. But I will say this: it is a skill, and learning it as early as possible will help you tremendously (I'm still learning it and i'm struggling. if anyone has advice reblog and share it for me actually i need it please)

Unfortunately, for ""basic"" (I'm not saying this to say it's easy but because factually I'm going to talk about the first topics you learn in math after highschool) math topics, I can't really give that much informed book recommendations as I learned through classes. So if anyone has book recommandations, do reblog with them. Anyways. In my opinion the most important skill you need to go further right now is your ability to do proofs!

That's right, proofs! Reasoning and stuff. All the math after highschool is more-or-less based on explaining why something is true, and it's really awesome. For instance, you might know that you can't write the square root of 2 as a fraction of two integers (it's irrational). But do you know why? Would you be able to explain why? Yes you would, or at least, you will! For proof-writing, I have heard good things about The Book of Proof. I've also heard good things about "The Art of Problem Solving", though I think this one is maybe a bit more competition-math oriented. Once you have a grasp on proofs, you will be ready to tackle the first two big topics one learns in math: real analysis, and linear algebra.

Real analysis is about sequences of real numbers, functions on the real numbers and what you can do with them. You will learn about limits, continuity, derivatives, integrals, series, all sorts of stuff you have already seen in calculus, except this time it will be much more proof-oriented (if you want an example of an actual problem, here's one: let (p_n) and (q_n) be two sequences of nonzero integers such that p_n/q_n converges to an irrational number x. Show that |p_n| and |q_n| both diverge to infinity). For this I have heard good things about Terence Tao's Analysis I (pdf link).

Linear algebra is a part of abstract algebra. Abstract algebra is about looking at structures. For instance, you might notice similarities between different situations: if you have two real numbers, you can add them together and get a third real number. Same for functions. Same for vectors. Same for polynomials... and so on. Linear algebra is specifically the study of structures called vector spaces, and maps that preserve that structure (linear maps). Don't worry if you don't get what I mean right away - you'll get it once you learn all the words. Linear algebra shows up everywhere, it is very fundamental. Also, if you know how to multiply matrices, but you've never been told why the way we do it is a bit weird, the answer is in linear algebra. I have heard good things about Sheldon Axler's Linear Algebra Done RIght.

After these two, you can learn various topics. Group theory, point-set topology, measure theory, ring theory, more and more stuff opens up to you. As for category theory, it is (from my pov) a useful tool to unify a lot of things in math, and a convenient language to use in various contexts. That said, I think you need to know the "lots of things" and "various contexts" to appreciate it (in math at least - I can't speak for computer scientists, I just know they also do category theory, for other purposes). So I don't know if jumping into it straight away would be very fun. But once you know a bit more math, sure, go ahead. I have heard a lot of good things about Paolo Aluffi's Algebra: Chapter 0 (pdf link). It's an abstract algebra book (it does a lot: group theory, ring theory, field theory, and even homological algebra!), and it also introduces category theory extremely early, to ease the reader into using it. In fact the book has very little prerequisites - if I'm not mistaken, you could start reading it once you know how to do proofs. it even does linear algebra! But it does so with an extremely algebraic perspective, which might be a bit non-standard. Still, if you feel like it, you could read it.

To conclude I'd say I don't really belive there's a "correct" way to learn math. Sure, if you pursue pure math, at some point, you're going to need to be able to read books, and that point has come for me, but like I'm doing a master's, you can get through your bachelor's without really touching a book. I believe everyone works differently - some people love seminars, some don't. Some people love working with other people, some prefer to focus on math by themselves. Some like algebra, some like analysis. The only true opinion I have on doing math is that I fully believe the only reason you should do it is for fun.

Hope I was at least of some help <3

[scinmoth]

[EDITED WITH MORE INFO!]

do we still fw pressure OCs?

i have not decided on a name for them yet. im gonna try to pick something thats typically feminine, but i dont want it to be boring, so suggestions are absolutely encouraged!

this fellas name is lamis! its an arabic name that means "soft to the touch."

they are african-american (i still need to determine the specifics, this is a super rough concept so far)

lamis is egyptian ethnically, so, around north africa. lamis was born in america. US citizenship.

im probably gonna end up choosing a dif. set of pronouns for them once ive got the rest of their identity solidified

lamis is definitely a lady. but shes the type of person to not really gaf what people refer to her as.

i also feel like the design is a little cluttered, but i do not gaf. this is very self-indulgent at the moment. plus its pretty.

^ this still holds true. i dont wanna change the design, so im trying to think of ways to justify it. im considering the idea that she was engineered predominantly for aesthetics and was sorta just ... forgotten about.

their current design consists of a black dragonfish and a yellow stingray. i originally wanted to put a poison dart frog in there, but im not sure if an amphibian would fit too well in the rest of the pressure setting. their design is crazy, yes, but it will be LORE APPROPRIATE

^ still the same! if i go with my new idea, maybe they wouldve taken some liberties and used an amphibian. maybe.

they have eyes by the way. i just felt like drawing it closed. their eyes are a similar yellow. im considering changing the eyes to black instead.

her eyes are gonna be iridescent, similar to a black dragonfish. sometimes theyll look black, sometimes yellow, sometimes white—all depends on the angle and lighting.

they are bioluminescent (result of the black dragonfish dna) but their yellow patterns ONLY glow in low-light environments. they aint shining all the time. thatd be so annoying

^ still the same! except im gonna move around the areas that glow. i want them to look more "biological," like, less like a royal engraving, so i mostly need to clean up her chest and stomach. the markings will be less sharp next time i draw her.

their face looks kinda peeled back/smooth intentionally, its not just my art style. the animals they were mixed with are Very Smooth. aerodynamic or something. they had more defined features before they were mutated.

lamis' face is thinned out because of the taught skin of the animals shes mixed with. fish tend to have very smooth faces. before being experimented on, lamis had a meatier nose, deep-set eyes, and rounder cheeks.

im still unsure of what i want their role to be, if any. i dont want anything too special, i dont really like making 'main-character' characters as OCs. i dont have any ideas as to what i could do.

yeah i still dont wanna make a "special" character. i dont like when OCs disrupt canon. lamis is Very Much So an outside addition.

i know that theyre swift, quiet, and glow in the dark, so maybe some sort of rare encounter for the player? like a guide in a particularly dark set of rooms, or a mini-encounter similar to the bottomfeeder? (im aware that those ideas show two very different moral alignments, i havent fleshed out their personality yet.)

well, lamis was forgotten about after her experiments concluded, so i imagine she would be bitter. she'll probably try to force players into dim-lit areas so that she can get near them. i dont think lamis is the type of person to kill outright, but rather maim. definitely lurks in darker places and doesnt enjoy coming out into the light, so shed be a specific-situation encounter, if nothing else.

this is the only pressure oc im currently willing to make public, because my others are ENTIRELY self-serving, and you couldnt WATERBOARD my writing out of me.

anyway! suggestions are encouraged! i need feedback. please .....

[lightlycareless]

Do you think at any point in Naoya’s life that he was ticklish and do you think that as an adult he might still be ticklish? Lately, I’ve been thinking about how if Naoya maybe had one part of his body that was still pretty ticklish that he tries to keep quiet about since he doesn’t wanna embarrass himself until somehow Y/N finds out 🤭

Heya!!

Aww, this was unbearably fluffy cute ngl. Anything that has Naoya acting like an actual, dorkish human is enough to have my heart all ajghajksgha uwu. Hope you enjoy this small thing I wrote!

warnings: fluff. mentions of pregnancy. .....pee I guess. hahahahahaha it's meant to be cute, everyday pregnancy things I swear lmao. a bit of highschool au.

happy reading!!

Ticklish Naoya is one of those things that no one ever saw happening mainly because… well, it’s not like anyone is testing it out to see if it’s true, you know?

No one had it in their minds to approach the heir, place their hands on his sides and tickle him to see if he’d have some kind of reaction.

No one, except that is, you.

It was a silly bet, whether ignited by your curiosity or perhaps your need to be unnecessarily close to him, either way, you’d find yourself in that exact situation one fateful afternoon, under the pretense of wanting to get some hands-on training experience with the only other excellent sorcerer you trusted!

And of course, having a small crush on you as well but yet to confess it, Naoya didn’t deny the opportunity, completely unaware of your ulterior motivations, until it was too late.

“You said you wanted to… test your accuracy?”

“Mmhmm.” You innocently nod. “I’ve been having issues with my aim as of lately, maybe I need to be tested under pressure? No holding back punches if you know what I mean!”

“Are you sure?” Naoya asks, hesitant to pursue this course of action if there was the slightest possibility you were to end up hurt, and worse—by him.

“Yeah! I’m sure.” You insist. “We won’t have to do much, I just wanted to test this out.”

“Alright, then. What do you want me to do?”

“Just… stand there, first—” you say, carefully gently guiding him into position; it’s almost surprising to see him willingly go along with your ideas, for he was often… dismissive of others. Well, he did say he didn’t find you as annoying as the rest, but was that all there is to it? A part of you hopes not.

While your initial purpose was to find out if Naoya was ticklish, you couldn’t help but get a bit sidetracked by the firmness of his muscles underneath your palms, his intoxicating scent you’ve grown to solely associate with him regardless of where you found it, and why not, the height difference that became even clearer now that you were a few mere inches away from him.

All these things, besides others, inevitably made you wonder how it would feel to be embraced by him, held tight against his chest as he rested his head above yours, professing his affection for you as he swore to never let —

“What are you doing, Y/N?” he asks, cutting through your daydreams.

“Oh—Nothing!” You chirp, scrambling to hide the embarrassment of your cheeks by looking away, to no avail of course, because for an equally smitten man like him, he could be nothing but attentive to you, pondering if he’d done something in this short moment of silence to enact that kind of response from you, or more likely… how adorable you looked, his mind quickly assuming this would be your reaction to when he finally kissed you.

Unless this was caused by someone completely different. He held no proof of this short-lived accusation, but his mind was eager to accept this burning jealousy, loathing the notion that you already belonged to—

“Are you ready, Naoya?” It was your turn to distract him, Naoya blinking as you take position before him.

“Ye—Yes. As ready as I’ll… ever be.”

Going back to your initial purpose, you had to be very careful not to show your cards if you wanted things to go as you wanted.

So, you played along, asking him to do the things you wanted in hope of getting his guard down, which worked, Naoya following your lead, down to the smallest details… until it was finally time for the grand finale, the moment you were eagerly waiting for!

After a few rounds of training and acting like you were still unhappy with your results, you’d find yourself in a position where Naoya’s back faced you, in a completely innocent, unsuspected manner that almost had you feeling bad for misusing his trust: but your curiosity proved to be far greater, much stronger, and when the opportunity presented itself…

You tackle him! Hands quickly landing on his sides to tickle and pinch him as much as you could to earn a reaction from him, which you were joyfully granted, much to your enjoyment and surprise.

“No way, Naoya—you’re actually ticklish?!” you’d giggle, continuing your attack as he began to squirm underneath your hold.

“Y/N—what in the—what are you doing?!” Naoya gasps, confused by your abrupt actions—was this part of your plan all along?! Or did someone—did someone pay you to it?! Is this being recorded??! “Stop it, now!!”

But you didn’t, no matter how red his face got or how much he attempted to pull you away, you simply couldn’t, because his reaction was far better than anything you imagined!

“I would’ve never thought!” you continued, enjoying the fluster on his face which you naturally thought cute, or his laughter… things you’ve never seen on him before that just made your infatuation grow even more.

“Enough!” Managing to regain his strength through your attack and embarrassment, Naoya is finally able to take your hands and pull them away from him, moving you before him to place you in the same position as him.

You don’t need anything else to happen to understand the gravity of your miscalculations, to remember there was a reason why everyone urged you to steer away from provoking Naoya, as tempting as that was, because one way or another, you’d always end up paying the price.

Just as he intended to do so now.

“Let’s see if you like that!”

“No—wait, Naoya—!” and so, he pressed his fingers to your sides, erupting a loud laughter from you which you desperately tried to hold back, whether by pressing your lips together or trying to ease his hold on you, but he’s always been much stronger than you; and whatever struggle you put up he quickly squashed, all for the sake of revenge.

Though that desire would disappear soon after upon hearing your sweet laughter for the first time (so close, that is) alongside your warmth and scent that reminded Naoya why he harbored such strong feelings for you in the first place… never wanting this moment to end, not even when you uttered the following.

“Naoya, stop it! Seriously!!” you laughed. “You’re—you’re going to make me pee!!”

And then, whether because you wanted to highlight your urgency, or simply because it felt right to do so, your face turns around, raising your gaze to his and locking on each other’s eyes—

A simple, quick gesture, but more than enough to make everything stop, your laughter, his smirk, his hands…

In favor realizing the “compromising” position your innocent prank had put the two—the closeness, the… the intimacy!

A fact that has you instinctively pushing away from him, face red (and not from laughing too much, not anymore) as you try to push aside these growing feelings of embarrassment, thinking perhaps it was best to walk away now before this situation grew into a bigger misunderstanding!

Well, fortunately for you, the answer would easily present itself when he said the following statement.

“Y/N—Did you—Did you pee yourself?”

“WHAT?!” You shrieked, Naoya flinches.

Of all things he could’ve said, he just had to go with that one.

“Why—why would you even say that?!”

“I mean—you—"

But you didn’t even prove Naoya a moment to explain himself before you were already out of the training grounds, swiftly making your way across the hallways and back to your dorms, where your startled roommate would worriedly ask if everything was ok, why were you so exalted, and weren’t you supposed to be with Naoya?!

“I just did the most embarrassing thing in the world!” you cried as you plummeted on the bed, pulling the cover over your head as you wished the earth would just swallow you whole! “I made a clown out of myself in front of the boy I like, and I will never, ever be able to take that back!!”

“Y/N, surely you’re exaggerating—” she attempts to comfort you.

“No! You don’t get it!” you gasp back. “I’m never showing my face ever again, ever!”

Your roommate simply sighs, taking a seat by your side and patting your back.

“… Oh, he’ll hate me and make fun of me forever. I just know it!”

Unless… fast forward to a few years, you might be proven wrong.

“You know what I just remembered, Y/N?” Naoya says, looking up from whatever report he was going through that evening.

“What?” you murmur, taking another bite of your endless craving—mochi.

“That one time you tried to tickle me, but it backfired so badly, you ended up peeing.” He smirks, your face instantly turns red.

“What?! I didn’t—I didn’t pee!!” you cried. “That’s not—You and I remember that day very differently!”

“Really?” he snickers. “I remember you avoiding me immediately after, can you blame me for thinking so?”

“That’s—I was just embarrassed for being so close to you!! And to make it all worse, you had to say that! Of all things, seriously! Did you actually think I was going to stay around ???” you fret. “I mean… I genuinely thought you were never going to speak to me again after that.”

“You know it would take much more than that for me to stop talking to you.” Naoya says. “Though it’s quite ironic now, isn’t?”

“What is?”

“You tend to do that quite frequently nowadays.”

You blush.

“Only because I’m pregnant, you idiot!!” you frown, smacking him on the arm, Naoya laughs. “Hey, it’s not funny!”

“But it is true, my love.”

“You’re making it sound like I have some severe bladder issues…” you exclaim. “I’m carrying your baby; in case you’ve forgotten!”

“How could I forget I’m having a family with the love of my life?” he says, moving closer to you to take you into his arms, placing his hands over your growing belly.

“Sweet talk isn’t going to save you, Naoya…” you frown, even when angry, your hands still seek his touch.

“Perhaps not, but maybe… chocolate will?”

“…And?”

“And maybe some diapers too—” he jests, you gasp.

“That’s it, you’re sleeping on the couch!”

“I’m just kidding, princess!” He laughs, leaning down to kiss your cheek. “Nothing but an innocent joke.”

“Won’t be so innocent if I ignore you for real this time!”

“Then I guess you won’t be eating those chocolate I got you from that place you love…”

“… those from… Kyoto?”

Naoya nods.

And just like that, the whole ordeal was forgotten immediately after.

Until he finds out something else to tease you with, because just as they said, whatever you unleash on Naoya, he’ll unleash on you, tenfold.

relentless naoya is relentless. he's a total tease, about time I wrote it. Also, DAMN I think I've never written y/n being totally smitten by him??? like pinning after him?? it's either her towards geto or him towards y/n. lmao

anyways, i'm still in that fluffy domestic mood, and this was the perfect opportunity to show that. akgasgasjiga I mean, it's cute right??? I like it. y/n being spoiled by naoya........ though he's a bit cruel sometimes.... haha. aw, I love them.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this!! Thank you so much for your patience!! 🥺💖 I really did enjoy writing this, as I always do with all the things y'all send me.

Take care, and hope to see you soon!!!

Edit: omg I never really answered your question, but yesssss I do think he was ticklish. But let's be real, who is going to know that?????? You'd probably come to find that one out when hugging him and sensing him tense up. :) for a variety of reasons. Hehe

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Recent Zakuro Related Chapters

This is just a collection of recent chapters relating to Zakuro and Hinata’s situations as well as what the black cards and the ‘institution’ are doing.

basically just a bunch of wack ass lore, enjoy !

-

S6CH5 - Common Chapter 6 Extra

-shipping container yard, night-

iwami: This place will be scrapped soon too, though I hope I can make it in time.

master: You're still using this place?

iwami: Uwah– Don't conceal your presence around me, I’m just a regular old person y’know.

master: You don't intend to answer?

iwami: The situation seems to have changed quite a bit on your end. Have you stopped pretending to be a moderate faction? Wasn't the 'organisations’ goal to neutralise them?

master: Yes, that has not changed. But the situation has started to move very quickly, so I intervened.

iwami: Haven't you got your cause and effect mixed up there? It's cause you intervened that things started moving.

master: If that's what it looks like to you, then that's fine. Whichever path you take, nothing can be stopped anymore.

iwami: You and Kei really are like teacher like student. You don't care what other people think and you don't explain anything either. You only devote yourselves to your goal.

master: Kei is already walking down a different path to me. He is not opposed to going against the organisation.

iwami: His goal hasn't changed from when he was safeguarded by the organisation until now. It's always been the same.

Sigh, alas there's always a flipside to a nice conversation. I was told by youngsters all the time. “The research laboratories vary greatly, you should do proper research into them first.” “You should question cutting edge laboratories even more than the scouts.”

master: That's because a regular person can't sniff out whether or not it's a laboratory under the institution's influence. Back then and now still, you're a regular person. The Miki couple are the same.

iwami: True but still. We were just lucky to have been saved by your organisation.

master: You should be grateful that coincidence occured. At the time you had no idea that your research was being used for illegal experiments.

iwami: Whether my research was used with or without my consent makes no difference. Either way, I wasn't able to destroy and discard everything.

A dosage of medication that's too strong will become poison. There was always a chance the research would be started up again, and that's exactly what happened.

master: Was the reason you also continued your research after escaping the institution really because you wanted to put an end to it all?

iwami: I wanted to fix things before the institution found me. Except I wasn't able to hide myself completely, even with your organisation's help. And ultimately, they found me.

I never should've become an IT engineer, I should've just become a farmer in the countryside or something…

master: But there's no way you would've done that. Throwing everything away is difficult.

iwami: I should've at least been a lower rank engineer. Then I could've just ignored it if any of the systems went up in flames.

master: It's too late for that now, but back then what would've been your best option yes. Including when the institution invited you to the project.

iwami: Is the institution the source of that too?

master: It's possible. You should know already that the institution will stop at nothing to achieve their goals, what they want is complete control over BLACKCARD. 

iwami: Even though we implemented the two bracket system to confuse them, we're out of time. They seemed to be pretty fooled by the camouflaged dark net though.

master: You didn't truly believe that you could hide the primary control system there forever, did you?

iwami: That's why the institution sent an agent of theirs to Starless.

master: If you have somebody with inside knowledge, it's easy to obtain information and respond if the worst were to occur.

iwami: I managed to buy enough time though.

master: For how long will they be saved this time?

iwami: I’m not sure, I want to say for as long as possible but… My issue wasn't realised. Also, the institution warped my research, it'll be tough to deal with the damage that's been done.

master: Is it already too late for Hinata then? is he aware of this?

iwami: …One of the two is aware.

master: It's the beginning of the end, huh?

iwami: I’m not the one who'll start the end. I told you, I’m already out of time.

master: Then, who will?

iwami: It's the prince's role to wake the sleeping princess, isn't it? Though all of them are just thugs, not princes.

–end

-

S6CH5 - SideB Chapter 5

Iwami hands Saki a note to hand over to Zakuro because Iwami ‘has no way of contacting him’. Upon reading the note, Zakuro appears bothered.

-

S6CH5 - SideB Chapter 6

-street, night-

zakuro: Good work today. Your stage was great once again.

hinata: Woah you really showed up.

zakuro: Oh my, that face. You look as though you weren't expecting me to meet with you.

hinata: My brother trusted you would come but I wasn't so sure.

zakuro: Now then, here is the item that you requested. The disc that was mentioned in Iwami-san’s note.

zakuro: However before I hand it over to you, let's discuss. This is an important matter after all.

hinata: Are you trying to ask how Iwa-san knew that you had that disc?

zakuro: No, what I want to ask is why you need this disc. The one who created this disc and left it behind at the old Starless building was likely Iwami-san.

Another thing I don't understand is why Iwami-san himself wants it. Can he not just create another?

hinata: Iwa-san said he can't make them anymore. He said it's a problem of environment and lack of materials.

zakuro: Environment and lack of materials. I see, there must be some reason for that. Indeed, indeed. Circumstances have changed and quite some time has passed, it's true.

hinata: Iwa-san is only familiar with the first research stage. That's something that only happened at the first research lab.

zakuro: Hm, if you're going to talk about that I’d be careful. Is this why you chose a crowded place to speak with me?

hinata: Yeah. Not a single person passing by is interested in us, right? It's as if you and I can't afford to be paying attention to anything else…

My brother told me that we don't have much time left. You don't have any time left either, do you? We're the same.

zakuro: The same? You and I? Iwami-san said something similar to me. That we do not have much time left.

hinata: Iwa-san is different from us though. You should know that. I mean, we're of the same class, aren't we? You’re an early development line from the second stage of research.

zakuro: ……

hinata: Everyone at the lab said that it was a successful line that had been started up twice.

-hinata snatches the disc from zakuro-

hinata: I’ll be taking this disc. Iwa-san and my brother both told me that if I have this I might last longer.

zakuro: When you said that we're of the same class, does that mean that you also escaped from the research laboratory?

hinata: Yeah. The final development line of stage two, that was us twins. We were both failures, apparently the research hit a dead end. So, that's why we ran away before we died. You did the same, right?

zakuro: …Very well, I will let you have that disc. I’ll see you again at Starless tomorrow. Good night, Hinata.

hinata: See ya, Zakuro.

-hinata leaves-

zakuro: At the very least, I hope that tomorrow comes… As there is not much else I can do besides wish for that.

–end

(note: It was confirmed in a different recent chapter that Hinata and his brother do indeed share the same body.)

-

S6 C Medley - Chapter 6

-backstage rooms-

kasumi: ……. (sad)

saki: Kasumi-san, everyone else has already headed back to Starless.

kasumi: Ah, yeah.

saki: Are you ok? You look pale.

kasumi: No, it's just… I handed the documents over to the police.

saki: What happened?

kasumi: There was definitive proof regarding the incident that killed my parents but… There was still no indication of where my sister is. Those documents definitely should have contained her whereabouts. All I know is that she was brought to Tokyo, but I need more information than that.

saki: No way…

kasumi: ……. (sad)

-aogiri appears-

aogiri: That's because she signed a contract in order to escape.

saki: Aogiri-san…

aogiri: I’m sorry for interrupting your conversation, however I thought it would be best to inform you of this. I prepared a copy of her contract for you, here.

kasumi: This contract holder's name… This date… Why on earth do you have access to my sister’s contract? This is dated the day after she went missing.

saki: What!? What does that mean?

aogiri: That is a basic contract for a certain clinical trial. Your sister signed it and participated in the trial. That contract doesn't contain all of the details, however that clinical trial also involves plastic surgery. I don't know what happened after she signed it, but once the trial was completed, she likely started going by a different name.

kasumi: But why would she… No, it was in order to escape, right? It's like how I’ve been living without drawing any attention to myself.

aogiri: That is all the information that I can give you.

-

(note: Aogiri has been confirmed to be the spy that was sent by the institution.)

-

S6CH6 - SideB Chapter 2-2

-starless outside balcony-

aogiri: …….

aogiri: ‘Dizziness, emptiness, am I me?’ … I don't get it.

zakuro: Those were my final words. You should know them well.

aogiri: You're No.2? Have you finally decided to stop avoiding me then?

zakuro: Me avoiding you? Or was it you avoiding me?

aogiri: True, I suppose I was the one avoiding you. You know the reason why, don't you? No, you wouldn't. Because you're not No.2.

zakuro: Hm hm, it appears you figured something out. Though now that you mentioned it, No.2 was different, nothing but an illogical jester.

Then allow me to ask you instead. Do you know what is necessary in order for ‘Zakuro’ to become me?

aogiri: Hmm, that's almost like a philosophical question. What is needed for someone to be themselves?

zakuro: In any case, No.2 is already No.3, and that is who is standing before you now.

The No.2 that you are oh so obsessed with is already swaying between the waves of the past. The second ‘Zakuro’... Hm.

Shall we proceed with our exchange of information then? I’d like to know about No.2 please.

aogiri: So you want the information that I have on No.2? What will you give me in exchange? I’m not going to agree to say anything if it is of no benefit to me.

zakuro: I may decide to remember the memories of No.2 that you are after. You’re wavering and may just need them, am I right, Aogiri?

aogiri: Me? Wavering? Do I really appear to be lost? I see, how intriguing. You cannot guarantee that you even have the memories either. 

Let's make the value of the information equal then. Just the chance of knowing No.2’s past is too weak of a bargain.

Why did No.1 run from the institution? Does No.3 even remember where he came from? If you can answer this set of questions, then I will tell you the information that I have on No.2.

zakuro: My, what a firm way of negotiating. Now I’m even more concerned about just how different No.2 is.

I would like to agree to your terms, however, just how well acquainted are you with ‘Zakuro’?

aogiri: Shh.

-lico steps out onto the balcony-

lico: —Uwah, Aogiri!?

zakuro: Oh my, Lico. Are you here to smoke? That was quite an overblown reaction.

lico: I didn't think anybody was out here. You don't mind if I smoke, right?

aogiri: Go ahead. Apologies for spooking you.

lico: We ran into each other here the other day as well remember? That's why I was so surprised, my bad. If you two were in the middle of something I can go elsewhere.

zakuro: Thank you for your concern but we just finished up our conversation.

aogiri: Yes, indeed. Then, I will speak with you again soon, Zakuro.

-zaku and aog leave-

lico: …Maybe I should stop coming out here to smoke.

–end

-

S6CH6 - SideA Chapter 5

-shrine entrance, night-

zakuro: …Do you have business with me?

master: Yes, it has turned out as such. What are you doing here?

zakuro: Let's say I’m here to pray, to this subordinate shrine of performing arts.

master: Requesting help from the Gods are you? Interesting.

zakuro: Hm, you look skeptical. What are you unsatisfied with?

master: Let me ask you a question then. Who on earth are you?

zakuro: Who am I? I thought you were already aware?

master: The one that I know, to be specific, is only the first one of you.

zakuro: Hm hm, so you want specifics? Then allow me to express my gratitude to you as the third. I’m thankful for when you raided the institution’s research laboratory back then. It's thanks to your organisation’s interference that I was able to escape.

master: ……..

zakuro: You should have already heard from Kei, no? That I am No.3.

master: You're self aware of the fact that you're No.3?

zakuro: What are you trying to say? How about we recap for fun, shall we? 

The me who first came to Starless, the one that you know, is No.1.

And then, after Showdown, he switched out with No.2.

The switch to No.3 was set up like an accident. No.2 tumbled down the stairs and then I took his place.

master: ……..

zakuro: My, you still don't look satisfied with that explanation. You’re aware of it too, aren't you? That ‘Zakuro No.1’ wasn't the original either.

master: That's not the part I’m concerned about.

zakuro: Oh? Then do tell, what is it?

master: …Where did No.2 and No.3 come from?

zakuro: Ngh….

master: No.1 escaped from the research laboratory. ‘Zakuro’, those with the same face and no memories– Where did they come from, and why did you trade places?

You don't have the memories to answer that question either, do you? When and where did you inherit your memories from?

-master leaves-

zakuro: …Where did we come from? Who are we— And where are we going?

–end