#im mostly active on reddit and barely anyone cares there

[shinobi98]

Despite playing Genshin religiously every day and having several genshin accounts across social media, I had somehow managed to avoid leaks and spoilers for Natlan and this post is how I see the line-up for the next country help

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Coping with painful emotions, while working towards fixing the issues that cause them. via /r/selfimprovement

Coping with painful emotions, while working towards fixing the issues that cause them.

I suck at this. I tend to roll with every negative emotion I feel until it absolutely consumes me. And while change your life is good advice, sometimes people don't have the means to do it yet but are actively moving towards it for the future. That's where I'm at, and negative emotions - loneliness, suicidality, self-hate - are destroying me before I can even get off the ground.

I bought some exercise equipment and starting this week am going to force myself to stop eating Soylent exclusively because it makes me feel like shit (but oh so convenient for the depressed). However this is just a temporary bandaid to the fact that I fucking hate my life right now and don't see it improving much for another 6 mos. to a year. This thought destroys me, because right now I have to take frequent meditation breaks throughout the work day to not start slitting my wrists at work - increasingly its difficult to seem at all fine with anyone.

A little background: I graduated recently, moved back to my hometown which turned out to be a mistake and am currently living with my dad (who I barely like - he clearly cares more about his gf than me as if hes ever cared...) and feel really trapped. It's not just >go out more, I take the bus in a city that has awful transportation, doing anything is a 2 hr commitment to the commute. I'm working on getting my license (okay fuck you dmv I've had my permit 4 times now, I don't feel its necessary to get it again) but its difficult when starting a new job and can't really take time off whenever I feel like to fix my life for the better. I need to meet people, but god damn there's literally nothing in this 'city', the only hackspace has a $2k membership fee, and most everything else (mostly food and craft beer, neither im super into) is an expensive uber ride or a lengthy commute. The only thing I'm actively doing to take care of myself is therapy a few times a week, but that only helps then, and rarely on the days where I wish to god that I was hit by a bus (which is my everyday). Really I just want to leave the city but thats going to take at least a year, I also need to get my own place (to escape my dad) but with a prior eviction (you try being a student while taking care of a disabled parent without some financial hiccups) it all feels impossible, hell even getting a room to rent requires a credit check these days! I'm working to improve this, but please don't act like 'fixing credit/eviction' is a few month process, it takes years even when your actual debt isn't that high - this is how some people become homeless its rarely a quick fix.

So yea I feel stuck, and will be stuck for a while but that is really quite hard when every day I feel like I'm coming undone. 26yo male if its relevant, I'm also queer and would obviously like a relationship (seeing that my friends just drift into fucking marriage without even the slightest hardship in their lives ever - lucky bastards) but I think learning to take care of myself and be happy takes precedence here. I'm really trying to pick life right now, because my default reaction is fucking kill yourself, it will never improve.

Submitted May 02, 2018 at 09:43PM by ForgeScience via reddit https://ift.tt/2HGAG0C