#im not putting trigger warning on this one when im in possible danger in future | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

with-love-from-hell · 3 years ago

Text

Vermillion Skies

{part Fifteen}

Fandom: Obey me!

Genre: hurt, comfort, angst, some fluff

Pairing: Mc x Lucifer (pre-established relationship)

Written for F!MC

WC: ~4k

Music Accompaniment

TRIGGER WARNING FOR ALL PARTS: graphic depictions of sexual assault / rape, gore, and violence.

CW: catatonia, PTSD, dissociation, panic attacks, anxiety, swearing, blood/gore, fighting, spoilers for lessons 16+, negative self-talk, self-blame, intense flashbacks and graphic depictions of past sexual violence, violent outburst as a result of a flashback, paranoia, hallucinations / delusions

>> Though I have a Masters Degree in Psychology, I am not your therapist. If you have experienced any form of sexual abuse, assault, or harassment and are in need of help, please utilize the RAINN sexual assault hotline or online chat service, or find additional help using the NSVRC website. <<

You can find any future parts by searching the tag #vermillion skies on my blog!

Yes, I did bring the HC that demons purr into this fic, and I have no regrets. Also for those of you that have submitted requests- im going to try to get through one per week if possible! I'm closing requests for now until I get through the new 10 or so that I have.

Read part 14 here

Read the headcannon post for parts 1-9 here!

"Mammon...Let him go.”

Mammon stared at you, wide eyed and mouth agape. “Mc, are ya fucking insane?!”

You dropped your gaze back down to Lucifer, who’s snarls continued to result in his fangs scraping against the wooden floor. Your voice was quiet, subdued only by the dull ache you felt in your heart while looking at him. “Restraining him isn’t helping.”

“Did ya even see Levi?!” Mammon scoffed, digging his knee back into Lucifer’s wound to get him to still his movements. He couldn’t believe you were asking him to let him free after the danger he posed. “He could’ve killed him!”

You wince in response, but say nothing.

“You don’t understand what he’s capable of like this.” Mammon twitched his nose in irritation at you. Could you not see how aggressively Lucifer was jerking and the state of your room? He was infuriated by the fact that you would be willing to put yourself in harms way just because seeing Lucifer restrained made you feel bad. “What makes ya think that you’re so special that he wouldn’t try to hurt ya?!”

You snapped your eyes back up to lock onto Mammon’s. He noticed the deep hurt in your expression and felt a twinge of regret for his choice of words. He knew that you were special, but that’s all the more reason to keep you away from Lucifer. If Lucifer hurt you, he wouldn’t ever forgive himself when he became lucid again.

“Mammon, I am not asking.” Your tone was soft and calm, but the words just barely passed through your gritted teeth. "Let him go. That is an order.”

Mammon's eyes widened as his pact mark on both your chests began emitting a honey-colored light. His body felt numb, static running through his veins as he involuntarily dropped Lucifer's wrists and stood up from his position on his back. Mammon tried to fight back against the power of the pact- one you would so rarely use against him- but to no avail.

“Mc- don’t!” Mammon pleaded with you with his eyes. His mind raced in panic as he backed away from Lucifer until he was pressed against the wall. If Lucifer lashed out at you, he was now rendered immobile until you withdrew your command.

You sucked in a breath and straightened your posture. You couldn't ignore the fact that you were afraid. You had seen the blood trailing the hall as you approached your room where Lucifer’s screams in pain were heard. Levi was his brother after all- and despite your deep bond with the eldest brother, you felt a tiny part of the back of your head screaming at you to get away from him. The larger, more dominant part however, urged you to press onward, reassuring you that Lucifer will not hurt you.

You were also quite a bit anxious that you were back in your old room. The memories of what happened here lurked like a misty shadow stalking the back of your mind, but you did your best to shove the feelings down and focus on Lucifer. He needed you, and you knew that after all he had done for you, it was time for you to return the nurturance.

"Thank you, Mammon.” You nodded in his direction before taking a step forward. “Now stay there."

Terror filled his heart as Mammon watched you slowly move forward toward the eldest brother, who was trying desperately to get up off the floor. He didn’t want to watch Lucifer tear you to shreds. The way the fury was glowing behind his intense vermillion eyes told him that he was nowhere near lucid.

Once only about a foot away from him did you halt your movements. You slowly lower yourself to the floor, kneeling before your lover. His fangs glistened in the low light of the room and raven feathers danced around you as he desperately moved his wings in tandem with his other limbs- trying to move his body closer to you. It was apparent that the injury to his abdomen and his arm prevented him from getting up.

"Luci..." You coo to him softly.

At the sound of the sweet pet name rolling off your lips, Lucifer's eyes met yours. The intensity of the light behind his irises softened, dulling his eyes back to the greyish tint they normally had. His wings slowly stilled, the loose feathers finally ceasing their chaotic dance around you. Lucifer reached his uninjured arm forward in desperation; his claws digging into the floor as he realized he couldn't quite reach you.

You extend out your hand toward him, earing a small gasp from Mammon. You briefly snap your gaze up to him and let out a soft "shh" before returning your focus to Lucifer. Mammon’s interventions would surely provoke the now calmed first born, and you wanted to prevent another outburst. You intended on treating Lucifer like you would a frightened dog who was wary of touch. Your movements were slow, non-threatening, and discrete- allowing room to pull back if there was any sense he would lash out.

Mammon's heart beat wildly as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. What if he hit you...or...worse? The urge to protect you grew stronger as you reached your hand out to touch Lucifer's head- and the intense fear spiked along with it. He tried to get out a warning, a request for you to get back, but even the simple hush was enough to glue his lips shut with the power of the pact you had evoked.

You slow movements finally halt when your fingers graze one of Lucifer's horns. You linger there for a moment, noticing how Lucifer had become frozen under your touch. You let out a sigh of relief, running your fingers down his horn to their base at his scalp. A deep hum reverberated from Lucifer’s throat at the gentle movement. You sift your fingers through his dark locks, giving an occasional, gentle scratch to his scalp. As you continue the gentle movements, you feel his body relax and he leans into your touch.

"Luci, it’s okay." You coo again, a small smile decorating your face as you pluck a feather from his hair. "I'm here."

Before you could react, Lucifer's claws gripped the floor and he lurched himself forward. You gasped, anxiety spiking as he gripped your body. His injured arm wrapped tightly around your midsection, pulling you against him. Once he was in a stable upright position, his other arm wrapped you tighter as he pulled your lower body in between his knees, trying to press your body as close to him as he could.

You sat still for a moment; heart racing and breath rapid as the fear of him attacking you slowly fades away from the front of your mind. Lucifer’s sudden movement had caught you completely off guard. But as you felt the tingle of hot tears dripping onto your shoulder, your anxiety dissipated completely.

You sigh, returning the embrace. One of your hands make their way up Lucifer’s back, drawing circles with your fingers around the base of Lucifer's wings, as the other caresses the back of his head. He shudders, small sobs escaping his throat as he squeezes you tightly against him. You felt his fingers grip into the soft flesh of your hips- his claws now retracted so as not to hurt you. The low light of the room was made even more dim as his onyx wings enveloped you in their warmth. You melted into his chest as you felt the low hum from his throat grow slightly louder- occasionally interrupted by a shuddered breath or a whimper.

“Shh, It’s alright. We’re safe.” You murmur, rubbing slow circles around the middle of his back. He nuzzles into your collar, and you feel tears roll down your chest.

Mammon stared at the sight in front of him. He almost lost it when Lucifer grabbed you, though he was relieved it was only for a hug. He swore internally that one of these days, your boldness would land you in a situation you surely would regret. But for now, he was put at ease to see Lucifer’s behavior returning to normal.

Mammon felt the heat of his pact mark slowly fizzle out as you lock eyes with him. You signal with your eyes for him to make his exit, but Mammon hesitates. Though he can see Lucifer now is no threat to you, he does not yet feel comfortable leaving you alone. With a widened expression and the raise of your eyebrows, Mammon sighs, slowly exiting the room and closing the door on his way out. Just as he was shutting the door, he heard someone call out to him from further down the fall.

“Mammon? What’s going on?!” Beelzebub ran toward him. His eyes were wide with panic, and his large hands that were stained with blood trembled slightly.

Mammon sighed, meeting him a few feet from the door and holding up a hand to his chest to stop him. “’s alright now. Mc is handlin’ it.”

“What?!” Beel’s eyes widened further as he attempted to push past the second oldest.

“Beel,” Mammon snapped, gripping his arm and yanking him backward. “It’ll be fine. He’s calmed down now. She’s got it.”

Beelzebub looked at Mammon with uncertainty before giving a resided sigh, following Mammon’s gesture to move a distance away from the door. Though Mammon ensured they were still in earshot in case something were to happen and you needed help.

Mammon sighed, pressing his back against the wall and sliding down until he was seated. He combed his fingers through his snowy locks, hoping desperately that you would be okay alone with Lucifer. Mammon wouldn’t be able to bear it if you got hurt again- especially if it were at the hands of someone who promised to keep you safe.

Beel watched his behavior closely, trying to piece together what exactly had happened. When Levi had burst into the kitchen, he was a bloody, stuttering mess. It took so long for he and Belphie to even coax out the word “Lucifer,” though Beel figured that the eldest brother was the culprit from the raven feathers that were stuck in various spots of Levi’s hair and sweater hood. Belphie agreed to care for Levi and get Satan’s help when he returned from the store while Beel went to investigate, but even now Beel couldn’t comprehend what caused Lucifer to slash the 3rd oldest’s face.

With a sigh, Beel joined Mammon on the floor. “What’s going on?”

Mammon turned his gaze toward the door to your room. “Lucifer...he...well- I don’t actually know.”

Beel narrowed his eyes in confusion. “What?”

Mammon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look- I don’t know what happened, Beel. All I know is I got there after hearin’ some yellin’, Levi was bein’ attacked by Lucifer, and I pulled ‘em off.”

Beel was silent for a moment, letting his words sink in. “So...you don’t know why he attacked him?”

Mammon shook his head, briefly locking eyes with his younger brother before turning his gaze to the floor. “I think...I think he was hallucinating.”

Suddenly, a wail was heard from the direction of your room. In an instant, both Beelzebub and Mammon were on their feet ready to protect you. But the second wail to follow calmed their nerves after realizing the sound was from Lucifer...not you. They both shared a sigh of relief before locking eyes.

“Mammon...should we call Diavolo?” Beel fidgeted with his fingers nervously.

Mammon chewed the inside of his cheek, considering Beel’s question. Diavolo may not be the best person to call given what had just transpired. After all, Mammon wouldn’t want Lucifer to be locked in the castle dungeons again- alone this time. Barbatos maybe would be helpful, but that would also require Diavolo being informed. Simeon knew healing spells, so he might be helpful...but in the grand scheme of things, Mammon knew there was only one person who would have the knowledge necessary to remedy the situation.

With a resided sigh, he finally spoke. “I...I think we need to call Solomon.”

----------------------------

“Lucifer, Would ya just calm your ass down?!”

Mammon’s voice just barely penetrated the sickening sounds of your screams mixing with the demon’s laughter that reverberated loudly through Lucifer’s skull. Mammon tried his best to keep him held down, but Lucifer couldn’t rest until he was sure that demon was dead once again. He needed to get to you- to stop the abuse he was certain was happening again. Lucifer growled intensely, resulting in his fangs dragging across the floor. A sharp pain shot up his jaw as his teeth scraped up the wood, but he tried to ignore it. He jerked his body as hard as he could, given the injuries he was now blatantly aware of. He beat his wings against Mammon as he thrashed, trying desperately to buck him off.

“Lucifer! For fucks sake!”

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot up his ribcage and spread all over his body. Lucifer screamed out in pain, his movements faltering as he tried to regain his focus on escaping Mammon’s hold. Tears pushed their way out his eyes, the searing agony of the wooden shards being pushed deeper into his abdomen nearly blinding him. More muffled words were said by Mammon, but Lucifer couldn’t quite make them out.

As his vision refocused, a he glanced up and saw a familiar set of legs standing before him. He jerked his head up to confirm what he was seeing, and sure enough, there you stood before him. Lucifer’s heart nearly stopped- he couldn’t believe you were...you. Were you hurt? how did you escape the hands of the demon who he was so sure had hurt you? As his eyes moved in and out of focus, he saw your silhouette shift along with it. One moment, he saw you unscathed, dressed in the clean silken pajama set that you had been wearing earlier. But the next, your form changed to one that was littered in bites and bruises, blood seeping from between your legs, silk torn and hanging from various parts of your body. Lucifer couldn’t trust either sight, and chose to assume the latter was the truth.

He jerked his upper body back, nearly knocking Mammon off of him, but the 2nd oldest regained control rather quickly. Lucifer watched as you moved forward. He met your gaze, pleading with you to give him a sign you were okay- that you hadn’t just been brutally abused like he was surely convinced of. A look of sorrow passed by your eyes as the dim light of the room flickered.

Your eyes left his for a brief moment to look up to the individual who had him subdued- the individual he now knew was Mammon. “Mammon, Let him go.”

“Mc, are ya fucking insane?!” Lucifer snarled in response to Mammon’s words, his teeth once again digging into the floor. He continued wrestling with him, trying desperately to free himself so he can assess you for injuries and hold you in his arms.

I need to make sure she’s okay.

“Restraining him isn’t helping.” Lucifer felt the hurt in your tone in his heart. You needed him, and Mammon was preventing that. He jerked again, feeling Mammon’s knee jam back into his abdomen, causing another pained wail to escape his throat.

“Did ya even see Levi?! He could’ve killed him!”

...Levi? Did the demon go after his brother too??

“You don’t understand what he’s capable of like this. What makes ya think that you’re so special that he wouldn’t try to hurt ya?!”

Lucifer gritted his teeth as his head pounded, the confusion, the fear, and the anger he felt producing an awful migraine. What was he talking about?

“Mammon, I am not asking. Let him go. That is an order.”

Lucifer felt Mammon’s legs tremble around his abdomen, and suddenly release their grip. He felt the 2nd oldest move off of him, and heard his sudden sporadic foot-falls as he backed against the wall behind him. He was shocked you had been so brazen in your use of the pact magic, but clearly you did it because you needed him.

Lucifer snapped himself out of his thoughts and returned his focus to you. As he tried to raise off of the floor, his arm gave out beneath him. He felt the muscle treads tear beneath his skin, and he gritted his teeth to subdue more wails at the agonizing pain he was feeling. He continued thrashing, trying to move himself in other ways. Words were exchanged between you and Mammon, but he couldn’t focus enough to hear them.

I need to keep her safe. I have to get to her. I have to focus.

"Luci..."

Lucifer's eyes widened at the saccharine sound of your voice. He snapped his eyes up to meet yours. Your irises shook slightly, indicating your fear. Surely this means she’s been through immense torture, his thoughts continued asserting the worst. His movements stilled, loose feathers from his wings raining down gently around your silhouette. Lucifer reached his hand forward, claws digging into in the floor desperation.

I...I can’t reach her...

Lucifer felt tears sting his eyes at the realization that you were just barely out of reach. He dropped his head to the floor, a hiss escaping through his gritted teeth at how weak he was. His anger and fear festered, threatening to burst until...

Lucifer let out a barely audible gasp as he felt your fingers brush his horns. He froze, thinking he had imagined it for a moment. But then he felt your pads trace down the twists until reaching his scalp. Lucifer felt his heartbeat slow as your fingers sift through his hair. He felt his chest vibrate slightly, producing a pleased purr from deep inside his vocal cords. He nuzzles into your hand, desperate for more of the calming touch.

"Luci, it’s okay....I'm here." your soft voice melted like butter in his ears. The sound was enough to motivate him to try to reach you one last time.

with a sharp inhale, he gripped the floor in his claws and pulled his body forward with all the strength he had left. Lucifer pulled you into his arms, holding you flush against his body. He felt the rapid beating of your heart from the pulse point in your neck that his lips were barely grazing.

She’s alive...She’s safe...

Suddenly, tears dripped from Lucifer’s eyes. They rolled off his cheek and plopped on your shoulders. He squeezes you tighter as you return his embrace, shuddering sobs escaping his throat as you rub his back gently. He felt so much pain, so much fear, and so much relief all at once, that it was completely over whelming. He attempted to curtain you both with his wings, trying to make it feel as if you were the only two individuals in the universe in this moment. he pressed his fingers into the soft flesh of your hips, finding further relief in how real your body felt under his touch.

“Shh, It’s alright. We’re safe.”

Lucifer sighs, nuzzling further into your neck as more tears burst from his eyes.

He couldn’t quite tell when Mammon had left the room. He was too captivated by your soothing voice and the gentle brush of your fingers against the base of his wings and the nape of his neck. Lucifer felt as if he had been locked in the embrace for hours... and yet he also felt as if it had only been mere seconds as you were trying to pull away.

Lucifer gripped you tighter as panic over took him once more. He couldn't let you go. What if you got hurt again? He would never be able to live calmly until he knew for sure the demon was nowhere to be found in the House. He would overturn every piece of furniture and search every crevasse if it meant keeping you safe.

"Lucifer..." your tranquil voice pulled him back from his thoughts. "Its okay. I'm not going anywhere. Let go."

Lucifer sucked in a breath, his grip unwavering from your hips. He couldn't do it.

You sigh, trailing a finger across his back. "Please, let go."

Lucifer felt his pact mark flicker slightly and his arms released their grip against his best efforts to try to resist. You pulled back from him slightly, though remained close enough to feel his hot, cinnamon-scented breath on against your face as his breaths became rapid and deep.

You cup his face in your hands, brushing away the tears still falling delicately with your thumbs. Lucifer stares deeply into your eyes, finding a sense of relief in the nurturing way you were looking at him.

"Lu...what happened?" You inquire gently, careful not to make any assumptions on his level of lucidity.

He sighs, dropping his eyes from yours for a moment. "The demon...he was here."

Your body tenses, and Lucifer takes immediate notice. He grips your waist with his uninjured arm in an attempt to pull you against him once more, but you stop him.

"H-he...he..." Lucifer stuttered, trying to find the words to explain what he had seen. He assumed that your inquiry into what had transpired meant that the demon hadn't actually hurt you, and his vision began to consistently show how you truly were dressed- mostly clean in your black silken pajamas, with the exception of the stains from the blood on Lucifer's hands and his tears.

You brush your thumb against his cheek bone, giving him a small nod. "Its okay...take your time."

Lucifer sighed, taking a few deep breaths before speaking. "He threatened to hurt you again. And I...I couldn't let him do that. I tried to kill him again- to make sure he was dead...but Mammon stopped me." He paused, swallowing hard before his intense orbs locked onto yours. "I thought he had hurt you again."

Your eyes soften and you hum in response to his statements. Lucifer's lip trembled slightly as he tried to maintain his composure.

"Lucifer..." you sigh, your grip on his face tightening as you brought his forehead down to meet yours. "That wasn't real."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow at you. "W-what?"

You pulled away slightly, firmly locking onto his gaze. "That wasn't real. Im not sure what happened to you, but that wasn't real. The demon that you thought you saw...that was Levi."

Lucifer's breathing rate increased as panic began to seep into his chest he heaved slightly as he shook his head, jerking away from your touch. A small whimper escaped his throat before he spoke. "No...No- that cant be...he was here. Mc, I saw him!"

You close your eyes for a moment, trying to think of a way to convince him. When you open your eyes, you see Lucifer staring at his hands, which were trembling violently. You gasp and place his hands in yours, gripping them tightly in an attempt to provide him some reassurance.

"I...I hurt him." Lucifer stared at you blankly.

"What?" You blinked, trying to understand what he was saying

Lucifer looked up at you, his eyes showing intense fear. The real images from his hallucinations fading into the forefront of his mind. He saw Levi, pinned below him with a deep, bloody gash on his face. His expression was terrified, and he babbled desperately for Lucifer to snap out of his delusional state.

"Levi...I..I could've killed him" at the acknowledgement at what he'd actually done, Lucifer completely broke down in tears, pained wails escaping his throat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 16

Tags for those who requested: @kairikazu05 @siniy606 @yukariutena @raeraekubs @hobin-gnoblin @shawnmendeslmfao @hatsunemiku2025 @katesatterfield @sg-artem @theeonlyroman @luvlyash @wonder-alien @ryuksexlover @svnflowery @saharahsbliss

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winterscaptain · 5 years ago

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tell.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: i cannot tell yall how long i have been working on this one, so i'll save it. thanks to @ssaic-jareau for hanging in there with me as i pulled late nights to make this happen over the weekend!! i love you!! i know it's broad daylight for you while im being irresponsible, but i appreciate it nevertheless. let me know what you think, my lovelies! i cherish your thoughts!

words: 7.4k warnings: language, discussion of sex, canon-typical case events

summary: “we are not people who touch each other carelessly; every point of contact between us feels important, a rush of energy and relief.” veronica roth, allegiant. au!may 2012

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed!

It’s always tough to spend time away from home when you aren’t on a case, but a conference kept you from your boys the last couple of days, on Strauss’s request. Aaron was none too happy about it, but as the junior-most agent in the unit (even with five years under your belt), the shitty seminars and professional development events fell on your shoulders.

Even though you landed early in the morning, flying coach all the way back from California, there was a whole day with Jack waiting for you and Aaron upon your return. A rare Saturday - no case, no paperwork, just family.

You knock on the door with a knuckle, unable to reach your keys around your bags and breakfast.

Aaron opens the door with a “Hey!” coated in laughter, kissing your cheek. He’s still in his pajamas.

You squint at him. “Am I early?”

He snorts. “Never. We’re running late.” He takes the takeout bags and coffee from your hands. “Thank you for breakfast.”

“Of course. I wanted -”

Jack runs across the apartment and slams into you full force. “You’re home!”

You curl around him, your hands on his head and shoulder as he cuddles into you. “I am! I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

His voice is muffled by your shirt and it makes you smile. You glance at Aaron over Jack’s head to find a smile.

“Come look at our fort!” Jack, wearing a blanket cape, takes you by the hand and brings you into the dining room, where the dining room table has been turned into a massive fort fit for a king.

Or, rather, two kings.

“Oh my goodness, Jack. This is incredible, little bug. Your architectural prowess knows no bounds.” You look up at Aaron from your place on the floor. “Where’s your cape?”

His deadpan, as usual, never fails to make you laugh. “Uh, I’m wearing it.”

Jack continues to drag you all the way under the table until you’re laying on your bellies in the little slap-dash shelter.

Aaron flops down on the floor on the other side of Jack. “We slept in here all night.”

“Really? That sounds like so much fun.”

What you mean is, What, with your bad back?

“Mmhmm,” he replies, only to really say -

Yep. I feel like shit.

“Can we sleep in here again tonight, Dad?” Jack asks, turning to Aaron. “All together?”

You exchange a glance with Aaron, who laughs.

So much for grown-up plans...

+++

You’re both scrambling to get ready for the bike ride across the mall and day at the Smithsonian when the phone call comes in.

“Hotchner,” Aaron says, still at the counter, tucking his phone under his chin as he finishes packing the rest of the picnic basket.

He freezes, hastily bagging some carrots and putting them in the basket before holding the phone in his hand and leaning heavily against the counter. “You’re kidding.”

That’s not a good tone.

Jack looks up at you, and you rest your hands on his chest over his shoulders, backing him into you as you watch Aaron with your lip between your teeth.

“Did they raise the terror alert?”

Shit.

“Okay. That’s for the best. Um…” He checks his watch. “I’ll get down there now. Yeah….Do you need the rest -”

With a huff, he meets your eyes and nods.

You let out a sigh and kiss Jack’s head. He knows the drill and runs off for your phone, still charging in the bedroom.

“Understood, ma’am. I’ll be there first. We gotta get Jack squared away but I’ll get going while -” He pauses, probably interrupted by Strauss again. “Thank you...Yes...I’ll be there as soon as I can and the rest of the team will meet at the scene.”

You know that also means you. You also can’t ignore the prick of anxiety that shoots through your belly, knowing he’ll likely be in danger without you for at least a half-hour.

Jack returns with your phone, Jessica already on the line.

+++

Aaron, of course, leaves right away while you wait for Jess.

You sit on the couch with Jack. “I’m so sorry, buddy. We’ll have to do a big day, just the three of us, another time.”

Jack shrugs. “It’s okay. Sometimes you just gotta catch the bad guys.”

The offhand nature of his understanding strikes you as instantly hilarious, and he laughs with you when you double over, wiping tears from your eyes.

“Yeah. Sometimes you just do, kiddo.”

+++

When you finally arrive at the scene, Dave’s already set up hostage negotiation. You cross the street, finding Will and JJ huddled with Emily and Derek.

“You okay?” You ask, placing your hand on Will’s shoulder. He’s not just JJ’s not-husband. He’s your friend, too, all on his own.

“Yeah, jus’ fine.” He shakes his head. “Jus’ a little rattled, is all.”

“Understandable.”

His mouth presses into a thin line as he exhales. “Thanks.” He checks his watch. “Y’all should get on back. I think Strauss just showed up.”

JJ kisses his cheek and trots off to meet the rest of the unit. After another hug for Will, you follow suit.

+++

“The media's calling them the Face Cards. Seven bank robberies in seven months. They've killed one person at each robbery.” Aaron leads the rest of you to the trailer, where the monitors are all set up.

Dave furrows his brow. “M. O.?”

“Single gunshot wound. Each of the victims has bled out.”

That doesn’t make much sense.

You jump in. “Serial killers with a 30-day cooling-off period and we're only just hearing about this now?”

“Well, headquarters has always characterized them robbers first and killers second,” Aaron replies, glancing back at you. You roll your eyes.

Of course they did.

“No one kills seven people without serious psychopathic tendencies,” Spencer notes. He’s more than right, and you thought the same thing - it’s almost like he took the words out of your mouth.

“I disagreed with the original assessment. I was overruled.” Aaron’s bland version of frustration is clear in his tone, but he knows, just as you do, that ship has sailed. All you can do now is handle what’s in front of you.

“So why are we here now?” Dave asks.

“Because crisis negotiation is overseas.”

Aaron starts to walk again as JJ asks after more information. Aaron usually rattles it off pretty quickly, but with the quick start this morning, you know he trusts the rest of you to ask the questions you need. “What more do we know about them?

“They're organized, they're efficient. Each strike lasts about two minutes.”

Derek, walking beside you, finally joins the conversation. “They gotta be scouting the banks in advance. Why haven't we been able to identify them off of surveillance footage?”

“They hack the security feed and turn off the cameras, both during the initial canvass and during the robbery, until the masks come back on, and then we're allowed to watch.” Aaron leads you all into the tactical staging truck, watching the security feeds.

+++

As you continue to watch, the scene becomes clearer, the power dynamics more tangible.

Dave sees it, too. “They're using the hostages as human shields.”

JJ, with Will beside her, studies the footage, watching the Queen run around while the King finds himself preoccupied with the Jack’s wound. “This is the first time they've been interrupted. What went wrong?”

“It's a big bank,” Emily says. “It's possible they weren't about to round everybody up before someone triggered an alarm.”

That’s a fair point, but you ask your question anyway. “Why haven't they cut the feed now that they've been cornered?”

Derek, still beside you, answers. “Letting us see inside gives up a tactical advantage. They gotta know that.”

They don't seem to care,” Aaron says, from your other side.

You’re all silent for another minute, watching to see what happens next. Even though their plans went awry, the team still looks fairly calm and collected, all things considered.

JJ’s frown only deepens. “They're overconfident. Arrogant, even.”

“The face card masks add to their narcissism.” Spencer’s voice comes from the end of the line. “Their personas are the royalty of poker.”

You nod - it’s a great point - while Aaron starts making assignments.

“JJ, Reid, and Prentiss, look at past robberies. That's gonna be our victimology. Pull another analyst if you need to.” He turns to you, then Dave, on his other side. “I want you two to handle negotiations. And, Morgan, strategize tactical options with MPD.”

You shuffle, gathering your radio and earpiece from the charger next to Penelope’s computer.

When the rest of the team leaves, you hang back with Dave, keying into the radio channels and standing by for further instruction - you know there’s more for you in the trailer at the moment.

Further instruction, though, may have to wait. Strauss climbs the steps into the rig and Aaron greets her. “Chief Strauss.”

“The Director ordered me to supervise your operation.”

Of course he did.

“Puts you right in the spotlight,” Dave says, not unkindly. It’s almost fond.

You can’t help but hold back a little bit of a smile. If the situation were reversed and it was Aaron at the helm, you’d be proud of him, too.

“Well, you've got gunmen with hostages in the Capital. The Hill's concerned.”

Aaron nods, gesturing to you and Dave. “We're about to open lines of communication.”

“What about a tactical assault?”

The three of you shake your heads as Aaron responds. “I don't think it's a good idea. There are hostages in front of the doors and windows.”

Erin, finally onboard, turns to Dave. “What's your negotiation strategy?”

“The Jack's bleeding out. They'll ask for medical attention.”

You hum, a little skeptical, and look back at the feed. “The female unsub might have something to say about that. Look at her body language.”

Dave follows your gaze. “She is cold and detached. The King seems genuinely concerned about his partner's welfare. But she couldn't give a damn.”

Your eyebrows raise. “The men probably know each other.”

Aaron, picking up on your train of thought, flags Penelope, “Garcia?”

She turns in her chair, already typing. “Shuffling my techno-fabulous deck of databases, sir.”

And so it begins.

+++

“I’ll do the talking - I’ll need to establish some rapport with them, but I’ll need you keeping the team updated and coordinating any allowances or personnel as things come up, okay?”

You nod, a little smile pulling at the side of your mouth. “You got it.”

Dave claps your shoulder. “You’ll be in this chair one day, so pay attention.”

“Yes, sir.”

He dials in and the phone starts ringing through the speaker. You’ll be able to hear everything.

“Who the hell's this?” You check the monitor. The King picked up the phone.

Obviously, the Jack can’t pick up the phone, stupid, he’s bleeding out!

“My name is David Rossi. I'm with the FBI. To whom am I speaking?”

The King doesn’t address the question, but rather looks back toward his fallen compatriot. “All right, I want a doctor sent in, and then I want out of here.”

Dave checks his watch. “Well, we certainly can discuss that. Let the hostages go and we'll give you all the medical help you need.”

You take a mental note. Your memories from Dave’s lectures at the academy are fuzzy at best, and you haven’t had very much time handling these things in the field. The last time a major hostage crisis was at hand, you were a hostage yourself.

A shot hostage, if the chronic nerve pain in your shoulder is any reminder.

“I can't do that. I need the leverage.”

“How about a sign of good faith? Send out the women and children and I'll see what I can do.”

You watch as the King takes the phone away from his mouth. You can vaguely hear him update the Queen, but she’s not having it. She pulls a child from the lineup and your lower lip disappears between your teeth.

A man, you presume the girl’s father, speaks to the Queen before she shoots him in the abdomen. The King gets back on the line.

“You better send in some more help or more people are gonna die.” He hangs up.

Shit.

+++

“You’re not seriously considering sending an agent in there?” You turn on Hotch and he sighs, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

“We don’t have much of a choice. I’m not the authority on-site and with the director pressing Strauss, there’s not much I can do.”

The two of you are alone for the time being, so you’re able to rib him for a second to lighten the tension.

“What’s the point of being unit chief if you can’t lord it over everyone all the time?”

You're rewarded with a shadow of a smile and a snort. “Don’t be ridiculous. I lord it over you plenty.”

“Not enough.” Your tone is childish, the words murmured under your breath.

When he walks away, he taps the side of your ass with the back of his hand. If you weren’t in a professional setting, you could mistake it for a promise.

But, Aaron, that would be unprofessional!

You turn to look at him and just catch his wink as he hops up the steps behind Strauss.

+++

With Garcia’s magic and Aaron’s genius, you figure out that the men are related.

While Rossi hops on the next phone call, you help Derek outfit the medic with a bug and a weapon.

“We're sending in the medic now, Chris. Tell Oliver help is on the way.”

Derek nods at the medic and he hops off, heading into the bank. You jog over to the trailer only to find a humorously horrified look on Strauss’s face.

“Is she…”

You get closer, looking up at the monitor.

“...putting on lipstick?”

You scoff. “She’s vain. Only contributes to a profile of vanity and narcissism. She likes to be seen - this is a game for her.”

You jog back out before Strauss can respond, taking your place between Aaron and Derek.

“Green. You gotta go. Green. Go,” Derek says into his mic.

The agent-turned-medic makes a move and immediately gets a shot between the eyes for his trouble. Your hand files over your mouth and Derek ducks away, taking a second.

Well, that couldn’t have been any worse.

You look at Aaron, still staring at the screen, beside you. He’s thinking the same thing.

+++

Derek walks up to you, kevlar and sunglasses firmly in place. “Tactical's been deployed, snipers are moving into position.”

At your questioning look, Strauss clarifies. “The Director's ordered a full tactical assault.”

The look doesn’t leave your face. “His last orders cost us an agent.”

Radio transmissions fly one ear and out the other, not to mention the flurry of activity around the negotiation tent. Before Strauss can reply, Will’s call shoots past you to Aaron.

“SWAT's getting itchy fingers.”

Aaron turns, covering his comm mic at his chest. “You remind SWAT that bank robberies are federal jurisdiction. No one fires until they're ordered to.”

“Right.”

Will disappears and you suppress a little pleased shudder. Aaron’s very much in control now and it is doing things to your body that are better suited for, well, anywhere else. You tighten the velcro across your chest as if to compress another rush of… nothing useful.

Aaron turns back to you, Dave, Derek, and Strauss. “All right, when the crossfire starts, what's gonna happen to the hostages caught in the middle?”

The question is a trap, and Dave doubles down. “That's the wrong call, Erin, and you know it.”

Strauss falters for a minute, leveling with the rest of you. “It's not my call.”

Aaron doesn’t let up. “You're here and you're in charge.” His tone is sharper than yours would be in the same situation, but you’re nearly fifteen years younger and a whole four steps down on the totem pole.

Not for the first time, a rush of affection and gratitude for him crests over your in a wave and you have to look away, taking a deep breath to collect yourself. When you look back, he’s watching you.

I’m okay.

He nods as Erin speaks again.

“So you want me to disobey the Director?” Erin sounds dubious, at best.

Dave responds quickly. “Yes.”

Aaron amends, and if the situation wasn’t so tense his correction would almost be funny. “No. I just want you to buy us a little time.” He pauses, wavering for a second as he rephrases. “Don't be quite so efficient.”

You’re never surprised by Aaron’s political savvy, but it is a nice reminder that he can run circles around every bureaucrat in the district if given the chance.

“Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast.”

+++

“It’s an impossible ask, Dave. You know JJ will never go for it.”

“It’s not up to JJ.” Aaron’s voice approaches from behind you. “It’s the director’s call, but mine first.”

He comes to rest beside you as Dave leaves the two of you alone.

“What are you gonna do?” You look at Aaron, finding his eyes trained on the monitor, arms crossed over his chest.

He sighs. “If it was you he asked for...”

You bump his shoulder. “What, not interested in feeding me to serial killers today?”

It’s a loaded joke, especially for the two of you, but after Emily, you’re past such things. If the situation were reversed, Haley would never stop giving you hell for getting serial-killed the way she did. It’s only fair to return the favor.

“Over my dead body, baby.” He reaches down to squeeze your hand for a second before letting you go. “Do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Stay here.”

+++

You can hear JJ’s anguished shouts from here, beside Dave and the phone.

Derek has a good enough hold on her, Emily and Aaron protecting him from JJ’s wild elbows. She’s beside herself but eventually breaks free and sprints back toward the trailer. You turn to follow her, just in time to hear a gunshot.

Will.

+++

You’re all gathered in the trailer as JJ asks the same questions over and over again. Garcia, just like the first time, doesn’t have any answers.

The static on the monitors is nearly deafening in its silence.

JJ looks at you for a moment and takes a shaky breath before looking at Hotch. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her voice is broken when she speaks. “Aaron.”

You know he’s never been able to deny her anything. In the entire time you’ve known him, it’s one of the few things that hasn’t changed.

His eyes don’t budge from hers. “We’re going in.”

+++

You press the heels of your hands to your eyes, trying to stem the stinging from the heat and debris. Your ears ring and you’ve got a scrape on your chin from where you face-planted into the asphalt.

Eventually, you remove your hands and open your eyes to the early summer sunshine. Your bias is clear enough - Aaron’s the first one you look for and the first one you find.

He’s looking a little dazed and more than a little ruffled, but alive.

Ignoring the whine in your ears and swiping some blood off your face, you jog over to him, taking stock of him from head to toe. “You alright?”

He doesn’t answer right away, and you realize he probably can’t hear you. An image of Kate reaching for you and the smell of blood flashes into your head, but you push it away.

His ear…

“Aaron?” You lay a hand on his shoulder and he startles a little, meeting your eyes and coming back to himself all at once.

He puts his hands on your shoulders, tipping your jaw up with one finger to examine your chin. “You’re hurt.”

“Honey, I’m fine. Your ear…” You follow a small trickle of blood up the side of his neck, rounding him to get a better look. Just as you’d feared, his bad ear is bleeding again.

He waves off your concern and taps his comm mic, calling for support in quick, clear soundbites. You snag the back of his vest before he can get too far away from you.

“As soon as you’re done with that, please get it looked at.”

With a sigh, he nods and gestures to your chin. “I will if you do.”

You roll your eyes.

“Where’s Emily?” You hear Morgan ask JJ as they get their bearings around you.

With a start, you follow them into the building, attached to a couple of SWAT agents. You know Aaron will get after you for going in before everything’s cleared by bomb squad, but you can’t keep still.

The heartache you feel for JJ supersedes anything else going on in your head. It’s something that plagues you all the time - the both of you doing this job. Losing Aaron in the field is a stark reality you can hardly consider at any point, especially when evidence of its reality is right in front of you.

+++

Aaron can’t help himself - he pulls you close after you’re both released by the paramedics, pressing a kiss to your head. It’s almost desperate as he leans back and pulls your collar from your vest, his hands smoothing over your shoulders.

“I need to debrief SWAT and first responders - can you stay with Dave and help with the media?”

“Okay. Let me know if you need any extra hands - I’ll send ‘em right over.”

He smiles at you, soft, small, and affectionate. “Thank you.”

+++

You pull your phone from your pocket.

She picks up on the second ring. “Yeah?”

“Hey, Jess.”

“Hey.” She pauses. “You okay?”

With a shaky sigh, you reply. “Yeah. I’m fine. Aaron’s fine.”

“I heard about the explosion. Is there anything I can do?”

“No, we’re fine. Just...Just stay out of the city.” After another breath. “Is Jack okay?”

She laughs a little. “Yeah. He’s fine. He’s a little anxious but I turned off the TV and we’re headed out to the park for a little while.”

“Good.” You look over at Aaron, who holds your eyes for a second before returning to his EMS strategy huddle.

“Be safe and come home to us soon, okay?”

“Yeah. We will. We love you. Tell Jack we -”

“ - Of course.”

+++

You follow Spencer through the debris once you’re done handling the media storm with Dave. Picking through the rubble, searching for something - anything - but not finding much.

Derek’s voice echoes through the ruined, cavernous space that used to be the main lobby. “Everything they've said and done was for a reason. But what doesn't make any sense is she switched the negotiation demand. Chris wanted to go to Switzerland. She changed it to Chad.”

“They also requested a private plane,” you note, “but no mention of a pilot.”

Spencer stops, and you almost run into him. Emily stops as well, looking back at the pair of you as Spencer organizes his thoughts. When he’s ready to speak, he says, “Guys, if you think about it, even the dates mean something. In 2004, while she was wreaking havoc abroad, he was dishonorably discharged. Then in 2008, they likely met in Chad. And now this in 2012.”

Good thought. But then again, when is one of Spencer’s thoughts bad?

It’s a decent enough question, and you run the gamut of all the surprising and absurd things Spencer’s said in your presence over the years. One in particular comes to mind.

Evil twin, eviler twin.

You hold back a little laugh, despite the harrowing circumstances.

Yeah, that one was pretty bad.

“Okay.” Derek grabs your attention again. “So, is it a coincidence that those are all election years and they attacked D.C.? Maybe this is a political statement.”

Emily’s eyes are stuck on something on the ground, but you’re not sure if it’s what she’s really looking at. “No. It's more personal than that. It's their story.”

Derek’s brow pinches. “What?”

“All of the details are a part of their story.”

She starts to leave through one of the shattered windows and you follow her back to the trailer, Spencer and Derek not far behind. She hops up the steps and you take your place beside Aaron once you’re all inside. It’s much cozier in here, with eight of you.

Spencer fills the rest of the team in on your conversation inside. Unsurprisingly, it’s rote - read like a cold script.

Emily picks up when he’s done. “Their timeline suggests they were both destructive before they met.”

“So we're talking about ex-military turning on their country.” Strauss looks and sounds skeptical, but you can’t blame her. In American culture, it’s rather incongruous.

Now who sounds like Spencer?

“It's rare, but soldiers become disenfranchised no matter what the nationality. And if he met someone like-minded at that time, there'd be no stopping them.”

“So you're thinking they met during the civil unrest in Chad in '08.” Aaron’s voice isn’t skeptical - more probing. You can see the wheels turning behind his eyes.

“Yeah,” Spencer says. “And one or both of them are pilots.”

“So if Garcia concentrates on that region,” Emily points to an area on a map, lit up on the monitor, “specifically weapons running in and out of Libya, there's a good chance we'll find their paths crossed.”

Penelope types furiously for a moment, her fingers flying over the keys. “Okay, multiple entries into Libya for a private pilot named Matthew Downs in '08, but I don't have her name.”

“Well, because she had aliases. It's the only way to stay a ghost.”

Looks like Emily’s Interpol knowledge is coming in handy.

She continues. “Here's the thing - they are a couple. Regardless of what we believe of them, they will celebrate themselves and their connection.” She turns to Penelope, a thought sparking behind her eyes. “Is there anything that happened on this date in Chad?”

“Oh, you are good, Emily Prentiss.” Penelope types for a moment and you lean forward, watching her work. “But this news is not. Yes, there were multiple explosions on this date in '08.”

Aaron speaks from beside you. He’s a little closer than you thought, and it startles you a little.

In fairness, you’re still jumpy from the explosion.

“Where were the most casualties?”

“At a church-- no, no, a train. Yep.”

Morgan squints at the photos of the hulled-out building. “Semtex and C-4?”

Penelope nods while Aaron turns toward Strauss. “Are trains still arriving at Union Station?”

“Yes, but only the authorities are allowed in.” There’s a moment where she almost looks panicked, but collects herself as the rest of you gear up to leave.

Emily exhales down her nose. “That’s why they needed Will.”

+++

Aaron drives impossibly fast through the district. You sit in the back seat with Emily, holding onto the handles above the door for dear life.

You’ve never flashed your badge so many times in such a short period. Aaron tucked his badge into a strap of his vest, just to save time, but still has his credentials locked between his fingers as he drives. If you didn’t trust him so much, it would freak you out a little.

+++

The comm in your ear crackles as Emily speaks. “I found Will.”

“Is he mobile?” Aaron’s voice comes both from beside you and your comm - it’s a little disorienting, but you push through.

“Negative. He's got 6 transmitters on him and this whole place is gonna blow.”

There’s hardly a hesitation in Aaron’s steps as he processes the information. “All right, where are you? I'm on my way.”

He’d like to think he’s made of steel.

Sometimes he is.

“No,” Emily asserts. “You gotta get everyone out. Is the bomb squad here yet?”

“They're 3 minutes away.”

“Copy.” She sounds a little disappointed, or maybe frustrated, but doesn’t say anything else.

He turns back to you, holding you by the shoulders. “I want you leading evacuation. Get out of here.”

Tears prick at your eyes and honestly, this is the first moment you’ve really been afraid. Existentially afraid. Afraid of walking out of this train station and leaving Aaron and Emily and Will to blow up. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yep. Go.” He tries to push you away, but you resist.

“Promise?”

His brown eyes soften as his mouth presses into a thin line. “Can’t. I love you. Get outta here.”

You bounce on your toes for a second, acutely aware you’re wasting valuable time, before yanking him forward to kiss his cheek before you sprint away from him, shouting instructions to the panicked crowd as you go.

+++

You catch up with Derek, racing to catch your suspect. He corners him in an alley but can’t quite overpower him. You reach for your sidearm, but by the time you take aim, Downs is already on the ground, a gunshot ringing through the air.

Startled, you turn over your shoulder to find Aaron still staring down the sight of his Glock.

Could take an eye out, with that thing.

You sigh and holster your weapon. Derek looks plenty dazed and you don’t blame him. It’s not often he’s on the receiving end of a near-miss in close combat. He looks over your shoulder and you can see something pass between him and Aaron.

Maybe one day, Derek will know how much Aaron loves and respects him.

You watch Derek shake it off and stumble as he attempts to rise to his feet.

Today is not that day.

Coming to your senses, you trot forward and help him to his feet, brushing wayward asphalt off of him. You turn back to Aaron. “Everything alright?”

He ignores you, pressing the mic at his chest as he begins to run back toward the station. “Prentiss, what’s your status?”

+++

Seeing Will and Emily leave the building in one piece is a relief. You meet Aaron’s gaze and his eyes are exhausted. The gears in his head still whir. He’s still in game-mode, and it’s a good thing.

With the logistical nightmare of two bomb threats in one day, there’s a lot of work ahead of you.

+++

You swing back and forth in your desk chair, brain completely numb from the paperwork. It’s been a long day, and you’ve been up since three this morning, what with your flight back from California. You’re certain you’ve had longer days than this one, but you’re approaching twenty-one hours without sleep and it feels worse than you remember.

What were we planning to do today?

A bike ride and museum day with Jack seems impossibly long ago. Last week, maybe.

Derek and Emily sit on their desks, attempting to keep a conversation going without much luck.

They were house-hunting this morning.

Penelope slowly descends the stairs as Spencer turns in his seat. “The convention’s still happening tomorrow if you want to go.”

They were at a convention this morning.

Everyone had lives this morning. Weird.

She makes an uncertain noise. “That whole city-on-the-brink-of-destruction thing kinda took the wind out of my sails, you know?”

You look up at her as she takes her place beside Spencer. “It’ll get you every time.”

“You gotta watch out for that,” Emily adds. It makes you smile a little.

Derek looks a little less amused, reminding Emily they’ll have to finish the inspection another time. Between Spencer and Penelope, Emily cops to a crack in the foundation of her almost-home.

“That does not sound good,” Penelope says. You can’t help but agree.

There’s a weird look on Derek’s face, but you ignore it in favor of Strauss’s descent on the stairs.

“Our unsub,” she says, “is Izzy Rogers. She'll be charged with multiple counts domestically, and our international counterparts will have their turn with her. She will never see the light of day.” A little smile graces her lips.

You realize with the tiniest of laughs (really - it’s a one on the Aaron Hotchner scale of laugher, which means it’s hardly noticeable to the naked eye) that you don’t hate her or even dislike her as much as you used to. Maybe, you even want her around.

Don’t push it.

“I just thought you'd like to know that.”

The five of you murmur something that sounds like, “Thank you, ma’am.”

She pulls Derek, probably to kick his ass for something or another and send herself back on your shit list.

That’s a problem for another time.

You take Izzy Rogers’s file from Emily, looking over an impressive rap sheet. You’re happy for a few things.

The first - that Aaron’s not a federal prosecutor anymore. This’ll be a case for the ages.

The second - you’ll never have to think about her again.

The third - you’re not sure. You’re sleep-deprived. It’ll come to you.

She cost me my precious eight hours and I’ll never forgive her.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Aaron leave his office. You set the file down and look up at him, halfway-hoping for once he’ll tell you to go home without him.

“Dave wants to know if everyone is free tomorrow night.”

Without any inflection at all, you reply. “We better not be doing anything tomorrow night.”

“Well,” Derek says, interrupting Emily’s snort. “If he’s buying, then I’m definitely in.”

Emily, Spencer, and Penelope jump onto Derek’s conditional acceptance and a rare smile pulls at Aaron’s face, his dimples on full display.

“Hear that? We’re in.”

+++

When you get home, Aaron all-but carries you to bed. With the tenderest of hands, he removes your shoes and socks, unbuttons your pants, slides them down your legs, and throws them in the laundry basket.

You’re practically wilting where you sit, feeling more and more like a sleepy toddler by the minute.

Aaron unbuttons your shirt and slips it off your shoulders, kissing each cheek in turn. “I’ll start a shower.”

You move to protest, but he strips and that mostly shuts you up. He starts the water before he returns to your side.

“I just want to sleep, Aar. Please.”

“Baby,” he says, a fond little pleading note in his tone. “We just changed the sheets. Do you really want to get semtex all over them?”

With a huff - “No.”

He smiles and helps you to your feet. “Didn’t think so.”

You’re so tired, it doesn't even cross your mind to take advantage of the shared shower or his lack of clothes. By the time he dries you off, tucks you in, and locks the bedroom door to ward off the over-eager six-year-old down the hall, you’re asleep.

His own exhaustion pulling at him, he doesn’t have the time or energy to cherish how peaceful, safe, and warm you look. He just draws you close to him until he can feel your heartbeat.

Sleep takes him rapidly after that.

+++

As Will and JJ exchange their vows, you tuck further into Aaron’s arms. His whisper floats past your ear, barely audible. “Wanna do that sometime?”

“What? Get married?” Your voice is just as quiet.

“Mhmm.”

“Only if it’s you.”

There’s a kiss pressed to your temple with a smile behind it. “I think I can make that happen.”

You turn your head to the side to keep your snark from carrying. “Please don’t propose to me right now. This weekend’s been long enough.”

Derek kicks the side of your foot from where he stands beside you, unable to hear the conversation but knowing you both well enough to keep you from tumbling down the rabbit hole of distraction.

Aaron presses another kiss to your temple. “I love you.” You feel it rather than hear it.

You pick up one of his hands and kiss the back of it. You don’t need to say anything.

+++

Aaron holds you close as you dance together, surrounded by your family. JJ and Will sway back and forth nearby, wrapped entirely in each other. Erin and Dave have been surprisingly brave, dancing and laughing quietly together throughout the evening.

As nice as it was to just have something for the two of you, sharing your love with your family has its own set of perks. You don’t have to hide anymore or justify your pigheaded protection of the other.

You can just… be.

+++

Eventually, Dave calls all the “...fortunately unmarried individuals to the dance floor,” and refuses to let anyone slip through the cracks.

When Aaron hangs back, drink in-hand and a little smile on his face, Dave calls him out. “Divorcés and widowers, too, c’mon.” He pauses, finding another tactic when Aaron doesn’t move. “If you’re both, you get extra points!”

Aaron rolls his eyes and you look around, finding an inappropriate amount of humor in JJ’s confused relatives. You can’t help but bark a loud laugh when you see how hard Derek’s trying to keep his mirth at bay.

Too soon for the dead wife jokes? He seems to ask. Can I laugh?

Something in your eyes gives him tacit permission and he nearly blinds you with his smile.

When Dave’s tricks fall short, you do your best to pull Aaron from the sideline with your best set of bedroom eyes. He courageously resists, so you give up and settle next to Anderson. “What do you think Dave’s come up with, this time?”

“God only knows.”

Anderson, like the rest of you, knows that Dave’s hosting abilities know no bounds.

“Because so many of you are joyfully unmarried, the newlyweds wanted to make sure there was someone else to suffer the slings and arrows of matrimony with them in the near future. Thus,” he opens his arm to JJ, who appears with her bouquet and a smile, “the bouquet toss will be an equal-opportunity event.”

With a laugh and a shake of your head, you prepare to duck out of the way.

You look over at Aaron. This is ridiculous.

He only shakes his head, hiding his smile behind his drink. And yet…

He leaves the rest of the implication unsaid, but you flip him off for good measure. Your exchange must have taken longer than you thought because before you know it, you have a face full of white roses. It’s over.

You pull the flowers from your face and level JJ with a glare across the dance floor. “Really?”

She raises her eyebrows and shrugs. “I turned my back and everything.”

There are whoops and hollers from your team and you can only roll your eyes. Derek and Will strong-arm Aaron onto the dance floor (you know he let them - if he really wanted to avoid you, they wouldn’t be able to move him an inch), where you’re both cajoled into a kiss and a photo. Penelope’s on the other side of the camera, grinning from ear to ear.

She waves at Aaron over the camera. “Smile for real, damn you!”

She amends, adding, “Sir,” for good measure. It has its intended effect and she’s rewarded with a rare, bright laugh from her unit chief.

Absurd traditions aside, you’d be lying if said you stopped smiling even once.

+++

As the party settles, some couples stay out on the dance floor, sedately twirling and swaying to the music that continues to play across the yard.

You and Aaron have relaxed significantly since the Great Bouquet Debacle, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the top two buttons of his shirt undone. You’re sitting across his lap, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, with one of his arms wrapped around your middle and the other draped over your knees - the picture of relaxation.

Penelope, Derek, Emily, and Will have taken up residence on the other side of the dance floor, their heads close together and voices low.

Aaron’s eyes slide over them as he watches the room, scanning out of habit. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

You lean further into him as four pairs of eyes flicker over to you before returning to their huddle. “Us, probably.”

He hums, understanding and pensive. “Probably our sex life, right?”

“Probably,” you sigh, playing at boredom. He covers your hand with one of his and you play with his fingers - lacing, unlacing, kissing his knuckles.

It’s nice to feel safe, comfortable enough to love each other where curious eyes can see you.

You can feel his smile against your forehead as he presses a kiss between your brows.

“I mean,” you continue, “there is a lot to talk about.”

He shrugs, adjusting his arm where it lays across your legs to keep you both comfortable in the seat you share. “That’s true enough. Though, I can’t imagine any of their projections being right.”

+++

“I bet they’re into like…tantric sex. Like hours and hours and hours you know?” Penelope says, conspiracy the top note in her tone.

Derek looks at her and she backtracks, only a little on the defensive.

“What? Spencer’s talked to me about it before and I...read.”

He rolls his eyes, but Emily spares Penelope from any further interrogation.

“I could see that.” She watches the way your fingers wander over Aaron’s bare forearm, playing with the ridges of his watch, the way his thumb absent-mindedly draws small circles on your outer thigh. “Yeah, actually I think that’s exactly what happens.”

+++

“What do you think they’ve got so far?”

He plays at boredom. “They’re probably trying to take a guess at anything they can reach - with both of our profiles in Derek’s pocket, he’s going to have the most luck, I think.”

“Really?” You ask. “Not Emily?”

He snorts. “No. She has her mind on other things.”

That holds you up for a second, and you’re not sure if he’s still playing into the bit. “Wait, what do you mean?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll tell you later.”

“She’s resigning, isn’t she?” You give up the fun and lay your head in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

Without thinking, his hand rises to your cheek, affectionately brushing over your cheekbone before dropping back down. “She might be.”

“Did she do that thing where she sighs really big and then looks off to the upper right middle distance?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.”

You’re both quiet for a moment, just enjoying the low lull of the music and the lights and the sights and smiles of your family.

“Hey.”

You lean back a little and meet Aaron’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“What’s my tell?”

The concern drops out of your face all at once. “You think I’m gonna spill just like that so you can go and change it on me? Not a chance.”

He sighs and his chin tips up in defeat. “So I have one?”

“Of course you do, stupid.” You flick his chest and a laugh rumbles through him. “Everyone does. You know mine, I know yours. You’re gonna have to get over it.”

“So you’ve caught me in lies before?” He asks, not without humor.

“Duh. I’m pretty sure I’ve caught every lie you’ve ever told, but you seemed so proud of yourself that I just let you have it.”

You can almost feel the eye roll. “Really?” He sounds skeptical. “Name one lie you’ve caught me in.”

“Alright.” You count off on your fingers. “You dinged my car door a couple of weeks ago, you definitely didn’t drop the bags at Goodwill, you do know it wasn’t Jack who finished the ice cream in the freezer, you -”

“Okay.” He covers your hands with his and kisses your fingers. “That’s enough. I get it.”

You kiss his cheek. “I’m sure you’ve caught me in every single lie I’ve ever told, too, huh?”

“Only every once since the day we met. Yours is obvious.”

It’s a trap. You don’t take it. “Hmm. That’s convenient.”

“Isn’t it?”

You lean back to look at him. “You’re a shit, you know that?”

He nods and raises his eyebrows, a cheeky, close-mouthed smile slowly creeping across his face.

You playfully smack his chest with the back of your hand. “Fucker.”

He says something under his breath and you level him with a look that has him repeating himself.

“I said, you wish.”

You roll your eyes and tuck back into his neck, kissing the skin above his collar. You can feel him shiver and you know you’ve got him. “Not just wish, honey. Know.”

+++

tagging: @writefasttalkevenfaster @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @hurricanejjareau @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @hotchsflower @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @dwellingsofrosie @pan-pride-12 @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandice-ray @ellyhotchner @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @bwbatta @wakatoshislover @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @mandylove1000 @qvid-pro-qvo @jeor @spencers-hoodrat @popped-weasels @evee87 @nuvoleincielo @this-broken-band-girl @reidtomestyles @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @winqhster @arthurmorrgans @the-falling-in-the-danger @iconicc @mangoberry43 @andreasworlsboring101 @mac99martin @itsalwaysb33nyou @baumarvel @kerrswriting @messyhairday-me @ssworldofsw @deagibs @crazyshannonigans @moonshinerbynight @jhiddles03 @teamhappyme @mendesmelodies @starsandasteroids @unicorn-bitch @ambicaos @bispences @thebivirgin

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #hotch #tali writes fanfiction #tali talks cm #a joyful future #a joyful future fanfic

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nikmikaelsonswife · 5 years ago

Text

Come Home To Me | Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Description: He finds himself counting down the hours until you come back home.

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Warnings: major angstt, slight fluff

A/N: don’t even ask. i have no idea how i came up with this. this is probably going to be my last elijah fic for a while because i feel like im drowning in this man lol. but let me tell y’all, something happens that i really really like. im excited. enjoy or not.

“You promised me.”

It was unfair. And extremely hypocritical.

His whispers into the phone could’ve been considered a waste of time as the other line was silent, recording his words to pass on to your voicemail box. This was his sixth call to you within an hour. He never recieved any form of response.

The time read twelve AM, marking the fourth hour since he had last seen your face. He wondered if his worry came from a place of reason, or if he should’ve been used to this behavior by now. There were moments where you were incompetent when it came to normal functioning. Periods of time where all you could do was shy away from others and deal with your issues on your own. He would know, since he had dealt with a great deal of them himself.

The difference was that he was the trigger that caused you to leave this time.

He couldn’t be who you were to him, an anchor, a source of comfort and support. All he had to do was come home, give you that one look and you would lay his head on your chest and hold him as if letting go meant losing him forever.

In reciprocation, when you basically cried out to him for help, he had turned away, putting everybody else’s needs before your own. Later that night, he had found a letter, explaining to him that you needed to take some time to yourself. Stating that you were the only person that could truly help heal your emotional wounds at that time and that you were unsure if you were ever going to return.

“Don’t come after me. I’m just tired of feeling like this, Elijah. It’s time I put myself first.”

He felt horrible and was convinced that he was the worst boyfriend to ever exist. Not to be cliche, but he knew that he didn’t deserve you or the way you loved him so fervently and unconditionally. How you always would be there by his side, no matter the case or cost.

“Hey, hey, look at me.”

He slowly lifted his gaze to meet your eyes, your fingers tenderly stroking his wet cheeks as you stared down at him. “I’m here, okay? I will always be here. You don’t have to hide from me.”

Taking his hand in your own, you squeezed tightly, the familiar warmth of your body against his calming the storm within his heart. “I am yours as you are mine, you understand? I love you, Elijah. Don’t you ever — ever think for one second that that’s ever going to change.”

He gulped, nodding slowly before leaning in closer within your embrace so that his head pressed against your shoulder. “Promise to always be there?”

A loving smile pulled at your lips, eyes filled with adoration. “You have my word.” Leaning down, you pressed a kiss to the crown of his head before threading your fingers through his soft brown locks.

“Always and forever.”

Elijah shook his head, a wet hot burning sensation tingling in his eyes. “Please come home to me, baby. Please,” he pleaded, pulling the phone away from his ear to press his thumb to that same red button. Instead of pocketing his cell, he blindly tossed it away, the clattering of it’s contact with the floor echoing throughout his bedroom.

“Don’t you think he can take care of himself? He’s over a millennium old for god’s sake!”

He huffed, his hand slipping into his slacks’ pocket, other coming to ball up into a fist. “He’s my brother, (Y/N). I will not turn my back on family.”

“You can’t possibly be serious.” You crossed your arms over your chest, furrowing your brows, “What am I to you then?”

His mouth fell agape, eyes widening incredulously. Taking a step back, he scoffed, opening his mouth further to speak when you cut him off. “No, for real. I am asking you to stay here with me, Elijah.”

“I just learned not even an hour ago that my mother is dead. Don’t you think I need my boyfriend?”

“(Y/N)....”

“All that I ask is for you to choose me.” You stood up from your spot on the bed, shoving a finger in your own direction as you slowly walked toward him. “Hold me, hug me, kiss me. Make me feel loved, that’s all I ask! Can you just do that for me? Please?”

There was a long moment of his eyes shifting between your own, as you were oblivious of the internal battle occuring in his head. “I understand that you’re going through something horrible right now, but if my siblings are in danger and I know that I can be of assistance to them, I can’t turn a blind eye.”

“I...”

It was his turn to cut you off, “I can’t.” A breath of air hadn’t even left your lips before he was gone.

His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he brought his knees up, his forehead pressed against the knuckles of his hands. He was lost, unaware of what to do or how to continue on. Yes, he loved you with his entire being, as if every single cell within his body felt that magnetic attraction between the two of you. But he couldn’t leave his family behind when they needed him.

He contemplated breaking it off himself, aware that there was a high probability that he would always choose his siblings over you. Perhaps you had came into his life too late, when the wound of the Mikaelson bond was too deeply embedded in his heart. Where it left no space for another, no matter how badly he desired for it to.

But imagining another day without you resulted in his throat closing up, anxiety setting in at even the thought of forever. He wouldn’t — he couldn’t let you go.

So, he lifted himself up, searching for his phone in the darkness. Once his foot made contact with the device, he picked it up, immediately skimming through to find your contact. He’d call you over and over until you answered. He wasn’t giving up.

Placing his phone to his ear, he rubbed his forefinger and thumb together in anticipation. His eyelids fell shut, body falling slack as the phone continued to ring. This wasn’t enough, he knew it. But he would respect your wishes of solitary for as long as he physically could.

Though, unbeknownst to him, you weren’t giving up either.

“Elijah?”

He flipped around, eyes rounding at the sight of you leaning against the doorway. You offered him a soft smile, watching as he discarded his phone in his suit jacket pocket.

No words were necessary, the exchanged looks all the conversation the two of you needed. He rushed toward you, immediately wrapping his arms around your waist, hugging you close to his body. “I’m so so sorry,” he sobbed into your hair, tears of tremendous remorse finally breaking through.

“I thought I was never...” He sniffled, shaking his head against you, “I thought I had lost you.”

Your hand came up to caress the nape of his neck, “I know, I know.” Moving to where you were far away enough to look him in the eye, you frowned at your reflection in the gloss of his gaze. “I’m sorry for asking you to choose.”

“Do not apologize. This was my fault. You’re the love of my life and you deserve to be treated as such.” Your eyes fluttered close when he pressed his lips to your forehead, before eventually pulling back to stroke your cheek with his thumb. “Allow me to make it up to you.”

Raising an eyebrow in intrigue, you prodded further, “How?” He smiled softly, the edge of his lips curving up as his eyes dried. Sighing, he pressed his head to yours, fingers slowly trailing down the clothed skin of your back in an attempt to comfort you. “Why don’t we start off with a bath?”

“Bubbles, rose petals, candles....”

“Baby,” you interrupted, lips inches away from his mouth. “Hmm?” He hummed, the vibration from his chest warming up your own.

“You had me at we.” Your hands slid up his pectorals, eventually coming to rest at his shoulders.

“Now, we don’t have time to waste. I’m not getting any younger.” Chuckling, he intertwined his fingers with yours, placing a soft kiss to your lips. It was one last wordless apology before he gently pulled you toward the bathroom.

“This is (Y/N). Leave a message and I’ll get back to you when I can.”

Elijah pinched the bridge of his nose, blinking away the tears that had formed on his dark lashes. Silence along with a cool gust of air occupied the space surrounding him, highlighting the loneliness he felt deep within his gut.

You could be anywhere, with anyone, doing anything. He wasn’t about to continue to helplessly sit around and fantasize while you were out there, all alone. If you weren’t coming home to him, then he was going to bring home to you.

Allowing you to slip away wasn’t an option.

—

if you’d like, you can sign up for my future taglist here <3.

#elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson x you #elijah mikaelson fanfiction #the originals #the vampire diaries #original groupies #elijah mikaelson fanfic #elijah mikaelson x reader

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years ago

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-05-19

Figured an upd8 was coming, it’s felt like enough time has passed for one.

Huh, looking at my last post I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to play through Pesterquest sometime... work is busy and stressing me out a bit, I’m not sure when I’ll have the energy on the side to do that. (Maybe I’ll livetweet it like I did Undertale a while ago, but this time not looking at my twitter replies so I don’t get spoiled by One Guy™?)

Also, including bonus commentary on A Threat Sensed.

Okay, going in completely blind. I’d guessed from context that we’re hopping over to Meat side to get a chapter there before we can come back to actually see Yiffy?

Yep. Okay, what is this about exactly?

(Agh, dammit, I’ve been copying and pasting so much at work remoting into Windows lately that now I’m automatically trying to hit control-C instead of command-C to copy.)

> CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?

CONTENT NOTE: This chapter contains Child Abuse.

Which one???

Wait

JANE: (Where is he?) JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)

Holy SHIT we get two Candy chapters in a row??? So we might see her right away?? No, it’s gotta just be another tiny glimpse.

(Has two Candy chapters in a row happened before? Future Boots, scroll back up and put this here. FUTURE BOOTS: “I forgot to scroll back up and put that here.” EDIT: Also, not the first time with two in a row, but it IS the first time with THREE in a row, huh.)

So Jane has to be talking about either Tavros or Dave. --Oh, if this was a Candy Side chapter title, I guess Rose or Jade is eulogizing Dave for John?

> (==>)

JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?) JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?) JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...) JANE: (The...) JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)

What? Is she reading a childrens’ book? --Oh. She’s eulogizing Gamzee. So that gives us a third option, where the rebellion crashes the funeral somehow, probably audiovisually rather than in person. (Which would make sense, given Candy practically began with Gamzee crashing Dirk’s funeral.)

> (==>)

Ah never mind, she’s still writing it.

That sure is a single button drama-remote that’s going to be pressed at some point. Oh, and who the fuck keeps a spork in a pen cup??? --No no, don’t say it’s one of those pens with a spork at the eraser end, either ready-made or rubber-banded to the side. That would make sense. You totally know it isn’t that and is just a spork.

JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.) JANE: (What else?) JANE: (Hrm...) JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)

Why were you crying in Jake’s arms about his death if you didn’t care that much? Did you just want him to hold you and kinda make him feel in on things again? Or did you just cry yourself out about him?

JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I bet the rest of Earth C figured out a more inclusive term millenia ago FUCK I accidentally added millennia to my dictionary misspelled instead of correcting it hold on--

...There, killed the entry for it. ...Huh. Take a look at my Chrome dictionary’s custom-added words over the years, apparently:

Caliborn Eridan Kanaya Matriorb Meenah Tavros alchemiter dichotomic nephilim reblogged uncaptchalogues uncaptchaloguing

That’s fun.

Okay back to reading. Millennia. Phew! Where was I.

JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.) JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.) JANE: (And I can't risk that.)

So still feeling something, just too used to calculating over the past years.

JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?) JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?) JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)

WHY would you-- how much did Gamzee normalize adult breastfeeding?!

JAKE: Ahoy over there!

Not the best time.

(The thing with the divorce papers from the Epilogue and John implying he was planning with Jake to execute something that sounds like a divorce... is that going to be sprung here? Did her lawyers send the divorce papers way back when she was in a fit of pique, and he just had them available to sign now at the tactical moment? Or... let me pull the exact text...)

JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along. JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being. JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later. JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today.

(So is John going to submit the papers? Or did they already go through a while ago and default custody to John or something who’s going to adopt him too or some nonsense? And did he plan this out with Jake NOW, or a while ago, and if only a while ago, is Jake going to KNOW whatever John’s about to pull in that respect is about to happen??)

> (==>)

Butte

Janepalme

> (==>)

JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?

Gah. I completely forgot again that capitalized-first-letter chapter names don’t mean KANAYA is saying them. That probably makes a lot more sense out of my wondering about the chapter title earlier to those of you who didn’t realize I was making that mistake.

JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.

Hah!

--A loathing you regarded as largely more important to you than Jake ever was, by the way. You asshole.

JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture. DIRK: Jesus christ. JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence. JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead? JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?

I wondered for a moment why (bg!)Dirk of all people would react to a single line of her starting to bring up prejudices, but then I realized that (1) Brain Ghost Dirk is a little more Jakey, and (2) Dirk knew that more ranting would follow the first line.

JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts. JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless. JAKE: Im not sure i understand. JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it. JANE: This is politics, Jakey. JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get. JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.

Mm. It’s a position Jane put herself in, but it’s still a legitimate position once you’re there.

JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.

Got it.

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

Wait, bowl?

Oh god damnit which of you had the idea to feed her with a DOG BOWL. Either of you could have thought of it, and either of you would be horrible for it.

> (==>)

Huh, that outfit on Yiffy looks familiar, like a reference to something. And a black tail? This definitely isn’t quite the look I was expecting from Jade Plus Rose, but I suppose the snazzy tie is a Roseish vibe. Also reminiscent of Jade’s old Dead Shuffle dress. Formal wear and soccer cleats??

JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN. I don’t see anything over her mouth! Did she stick something in it, or drug her? File her fucking teeth???

I mean I did forget the Child Abuse trigger warning to be fair. Hoping whatever would be on her mouth is just not shown in-panel yet for stylistic reasons.

> (==>)

JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry. JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha. JAKE: ... JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese? JAKE: ... JAKE: Well, JAKE: Bon appetit.

How the fuck did Jake eat on his island then? --Oh right, preserved food cans that Grandma Jade stored up, I think I remember. Why would cheese not be a thing for them, if it’s fine for Jade? I know he’s probably not just worried about lactose intolerance.

Either way, if she’s drugged here, that’ll mean we won’t get a good idea of her for a while, so which is it...

> (==>)

DIRK: Bon appetit. DIRK: Seriously dude? JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?) DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???) JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)

Ah, missed the bone pun. AND, yeah, Jake, you’re a fucking idiot, you could have put it in a cup or something.

JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.) JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)

Okay, so he IS coordinating this slightly.

> (==>)

Horrifying image to contemplate, eh Jane?

Or anger-inducing?

> (==>)

Seems about right!

> (==>)

Oh that’s a GREAT exasperated Jane face.

JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.

I like how Jane didn’t notice, comment on, or care about the bowl. How can you hate a kid so much??

> (==>)

Oh I know why I felt like I recognized the outfit style, it’s because it’s ANIME AS FUCK. Feels like some Persona 4 Arena nonsense, and I say that not having played any of those games or even remembering what they looked like. Also, white hair, black fur’d dog parts? Nice change of pace.

YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR... JANE: Oh no you don't.

Red text? What color exactly... “#D00009”? Huh. That’s nowhere near Alt-Callie’s #FF0000, and darker than Dave’s #E00707. In fact, let me go back and check those spilled color pins the commentary pointed out from an update or two ago... no, the red pin is #E63225, closer to Dave’s color. (Also, is Yiffy blocking the doorway out? That’s a pretty slack chain then.)

Did Jane see to it that she wouldn’t bite with like, a water spray bottle?

(EDIT: Oh my FUCKING GOD, THAT's why it's #D00009...)

> (==>)

FUCK I didn’t notice the shock collar in the Yiffy image! FUCK YOU, Jane.

> (==>)

Keeping someone in line with collars, especially ones that punish whenever one strays out of line, has always been a decent way for her to mix in some Doomy control of others to show how she’s “grown” to balance her main role and her Tiara-controlled-like inverse for more power. Doom in part represents boundaries that you can’t cross without getting hurt or punished.

> (==>)

FUCK, those little buck teeth!? D’:

JANE: That's more like it.

She HAS to have more of a reason for hating her than hating her parents, right? Like, more than that and general racism applying to partdogfolk?

> (==>)

Hey fuck off with that!

> (==>)

This is a pretty cool ima-- are those piercings on her dog ear? I didn’t notice that in the first shot, neat.

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over. JANE: Do I make myself understood?

What the fuck? WHY would you do that? Why does Jane run "Ms. Paint’s Home for Inconvenient Girls”? What did Yiffy do to piss her off so much there, how much trouble could she have caused?

I don’t know if she’s referring to the behind-Kanaya’s-back part as disgusting or she’s just being MORE racist.

> (==>)

JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?

Oh, just showing the hostage off during the clown funeral, huh? Classy much?

> (==>)

JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear. JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.

For a politician, Jane’s not good at looking at herself in a mirror.

> (==>)

JANE: Night night. JANE: Hoo hoo.

> (Yiffy: Lights out.)

Huh, dream stuff is gonna be relevant out in Candy then? *click*

Okay, dark background all of a sudden. Properly dramatic? You even have to highlight the non-link “>” part of the Next link to see it.

> (==>)

-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering adamantGriftress [AG] --

Well, I don’t know WHY it’s happening, but the white-backed pesterlog suddenly on the dark site framing is certainly evocative. Of like, a mood, or something.

TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there. TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet! AG: Lol. AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep. AG: I know how he feels. TG: yeah. TG: today was a lot. AG: ... TG: do you wanna talk about it? AG: Ugh, not you as well.

It’s really jarring to transition between Homestuck’s “kids jarringly mentally resistant to freaking out about the end of the world” to HS^2′s more realistic “kids traumatized by their first firefight even though it was an overwhelming victory-escape”.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Are they about to have an “I wonder what Yiffy’s like” talk?

> (==>)

Very similar Tav/Vrissy convo to the previous one.

GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,, GG: Not even for a slumber party,,, AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.

Well, we have an even better idea how horrible Jane can be with kids, now. From Nanna to THIS is quite jarring. I wonder how the double Nannasprites that must still be around here somewhere feel?

> (==>)

TG: nothing about my dad is cute. TG: what are you even saying. AG: Lmao. TG: seriously! TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it. AG: He's a strange and funny m8n. TG: yeah. TG: ... TG: i think something bad must have happened.

...um. What? Why would John have some sort of trauma about the word cute or being called it?

Did John dress up as a hint of his buried June ambitions as a kid and Dad lavish him with “SO CUTE” praise in an epic supportiveness backfire that caused him to shelve the idea of wearing non-masc clothes and being happier on the flipside of gender ever again??? Because if that’s how June gets canonized as promised, it’s a little harsher than the back of my mind was hoping. I guess it kind of had to be though from the premise of how it was read into his childhood for the original idea, though. Fuck, I hope this Cute business is about something different from that (like a Terezi reference or such) just to get less John Sads. (But still June. Definitely still want to get June.)

> (==>)

Oh, and now Vrissy is doing nothing but talking about what she said she didn’t want to talk about, of course. (Also I like how JANE’s now being called the Batterwitch.)

AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it! AG: That made me madder than 8nything else. AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad! GG: I dont think thats true,,, AG: What would you know a8out it?! GG: Maybe nothing,,, GG: Sorry,,, GG: Its just,,, GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,, AG: ... AG: Adults are so fucking weird.

Guh, I don’t want to be reminded how hurt a good chunk of the fanbase is by Kanaya getting hurt this badly.

Original Tavros was always SLIGHTLY perceptive of others sometimes, but maybe perceptiveness is being hinted at as a Tavros specialty? We still don’t know his classpect/hero-title or have any firm guesses based on purely him evidence. (Also, frightened kids of abusive households tend to learn to get perceptive pretty fucking quickly I hear.)

> (==>)

TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms. TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.

[etc etc] Alright, the what-happened-to-Dave bit. And I imagine they’re kind of helping John grieve there, since Rose and Jade have talked that out already.

TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see. TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on. TG: almost like she couldn't bear to. AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone. TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever. TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.

Yep, giving them some space to grieve. Also-- gosh, shouldn’t Vrissy have the same emotive senses that Aranea implied Vriska shared with her? Kanaya isn’t that EXPRESSIVE but she’s certainly full of emotion. Also, I hope part of her not bearing to watch wasn’t lingering anger toward Jade and Rose mixing with that, but there probably was a bit of that too, though Dave being gone is so much harsher than that. --I just realized they might not have broken the news to Karkat yet, either.

AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz TG: vrissy?

Put to sleep by someone slumping down on your phone keypad, or surprised by something about the other conversation?

Oh shit, “other conversation” reminded me I didn’t look at Tavros’s chumhandle:

glutinousGymnast [GG]

HHHHHhhhhuh. Hm... huh? hhhh. huh? what, but. Why would. ?????

I really don’t understand what that chumhandle or any of its entendres should signify in this context.

Also, this means for our new four kids we have TG, GG, AG, and ??.

> (==>)

GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,, GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,, TG: hehe. TG: i guess that tracks. TG: she does that from time to time.

That’s... strange. Homestuck’s taught us to be suspicious of that.

TG: ... TG: tav? GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,? TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?

Who is Harry referring to? (EDIT: Yes I know Gamzee for Tavros, but I meant Harry talks like he's worried he'll have to feel that way soon?) Is he just kind of inferring that something bad might have happened to Uncle Dave? Got that perceptive “parents are about to tell me about a death in the family” vibe? Or did he overhear more than he let on to Vrissy?

...alright, that’s the last page of this update. Looks like this chapter is going to continue to have a good bunch of grieving, or talk around it.

---

Now for Bonus Commentary for A Threat, Sensed. For some reason I have a dim memory of like... reading this myself without commenting on it? Or skimming it? But I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that. Weird. Must have imagined doing it.

Ah, I think I saw the opening paragraph scrolling Patreon, and my mind kinda filled in the blanks, this is still looking new to me.

Okay, mostly banter and japes in the commentary here. About Dirk “throwing a huge tantrum in his philosophy cave”.

We’ve had quite a bit of speculation on whether this is “really” Andrew. To that, I think we’d say that it doesn’t “really” matter.

Really? That was speculated about? :/

Here we discover that Dirk has not, as some people have speculated, been directly intervening into the Candy timeline, or influencing it in any way. In fact, he has a very hard time seeing anything going on there at all.

Mhmm, and that was a pretty important thing to learn.

A couple of years ago I might have agreed with the take that everything happening in Candy is simply too outlandish to ever happen naturally, without direct, villainous interference, but that was before literally every fucking batshit insane thing that has happened on Real Life Earth started going down, and now I will believe literally anything.

This is a nice bit of distraction from the idea that at least the opening parts of the Candy story were written/narrated by Original, Alive Calliope over on meat side. To refresh your memory of what was pointed out to me:

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls TEREZI: WH4T? ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise ROXY: some of it is like ROXY: weird and violent?? ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

Which tracks with the initial out-of-character-seemingness of almost everyone at the start of Candy, and how they kind of tried to railroad things back onto the “Happy??” track after Dirk derailed it with his weird self-accumulation suicide, along with some of the flowery-idyllic descriptions of characters seeing each other bathed in a halo of light and such.

Of course, they’re not going to out-and-out STATE that Calliope was at fault for that narration, helping the Candy story not necessarily fall out the way it did “naturally”, until we finally get a glimpse of her on the heroes’ ship in Meat probably still painting the continuing Candy events, inspiring them into the void of the singularity with her latent powers. Til then, it’s a bit of misdirection whenever the topic is to be brought up. Along with a mix of Roxy’s late-Candy point to John of more or less “why COULDN’T we have done this naturally? you don’t know”.

He might even think that he has more direct power over the narrative than Hussie does himself. Surprise, motherfucker, you are a fictional character.

I’ll quote this next part in full:

There’s been talk of whether or not this bonus was written in the two days between its release and the Yiffy reveal chapter. The answer is--no. It was written over a month ago. But I think the things it addresses were not difficult to suss out. Obviously, Dirk is highlighting the issues that the readership are having with Yiffy, in his typical Dirk fashion. If it seems a little defensive, well...I suppose it is. Yiffy is one of the two hard lines drawn in the sand, and all of us love her, and we’re hoping that everyone else will love her too. But more than that, it focuses on the fact that update culture has a rhythm to it--shock, revulsion, acceptance (or not), and then excitement (or not). Will it follow that pattern this time? Who knows. I guess we’ll find out.

Yeah, given what was going to be dropped on us I expected they would have had exactly this lined up, especially because Andrew specifically mandated Yiffy. --I wonder why they aren’t mentioning that somewhere in the commentary and only on one of their Twitters?

Also quoting this:

There’s something both incredibly “cringe” and self-indulgent, as well as philosophically intriguing, about the author arguing with his villain, especially since he’s writing both halves of the conversation himself. You are, for all intents and purposes, trying to solve a problem that you have created for yourself. You are looking an aspect of your personality in the eye and asking, hey, what the fuck, man?

But in the end, isn’t that what every story is? Trying to untie knots that you put in the rope yourself?

Since it’s part of the central struggle of this story, and kind of the question Andrew’s tried to imply with every Homestuck work about what right we have to keep these characters trapped in a story, and if they’d be better off escaping it.

I’m really trying to avoid quoting so much of this, since the commentary is paid... but I think we can make an exception here? I’ll have only quoted about half of it; just, the really plot-important half. Plus, I left out a LOOOT of japes.

Dirk has a certain idea of how stories are supposed to go. That’s pretty much what the Epilogues is about. The audience also has a certain expectation of how a story is supposed to go. In a way, the Epilogues were also about that. They were taking a story that had reached the traditionally “acceptable” happily ever after, and saying, wait, no. What happens next? Thinking past happily ever after in any story is a terrifying prospect. Once Cinderella marries the prince, what then? Sure, she got what she wanted, but who knows that it will be everything she dreamt it would? What if she changes her mind, if not today, what about ten years from now? What if the prince dies of malaria?

And I’m...

Yeah I don’t have anything else to add here, I’m kind of out of brain juice to think about this tonight. BUSY day I had. Y’all take care!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #spoiler #spoilers #Homestuck Commentary

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spn-rewrites · 6 years ago

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01x12 (part 1)

Season One Episode Twelve: Faith

A/N: Alright, a quick note. my computer is effed up. The updates may start to slow down unfortunately until I can figure out how to fix this mess but they’ll still come, I promise. I love hearing from you guys, so please keep the feedback coming! Let me know of any ideas you guys have for future episodes, storylines, ect and as always, please REBLOG if you enjoyed.

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: a hunt gone wrong, hospital beds, and another call to John.

`“What do you have those amped up to?” Sam asked as Dean rummaged through his trunk for the taser guns.

“100,000 volts,” Dean grinned, handing one to you and Sam and taking one for himself.

“Damn,” you commented, moving it around in your hands. You were careful with your

inspections and Dean filled his backpack up with any extra supplies you may need but truly, this was the one and only thing that could actually kill this thing.

“Yeah, I want this rawhead extra freakin’ crispy,” Dean mumbled and then looked at you, pointing the butt of his taser gun at you and dancing it between you and Sam. He was really only talking to you and you knew that. “Remember, you’ve only got one shot with these things, so you better make it count.”

“Yeah, I remember,” you mumbled with a little attitude laced in your voice at his reminder. You accidentally fire one of these prematurely once and you’ll never live it down. Dean closed the trunk to the Impala and you snuck your way into the old, creaky, house. It seemed to be abandoned for the most part, the floors hardly kept up with, garbage everywhere. You made your way to the basement, guns pointed and flashlights ready.

It was quiet until it wasn’t and there was a bang coming from one of the walls. All three of your flashlights instantly went to the noise and you crept closer to it. On the count of three, Dean pulled open the little door that you assumed led to a little crawlspace. You jumped when he opened it but relief flooded you when you saw it was two little kids.

One boy and one girl, shaking with their knees pulled to their chest. “Is it still here?” Sam asked, loosely looking over them for any obvious injuries. The boy nodded to his question and you gestured for them to stand up and get out of the crawlspace.

“Grab your sister’s hand. We’re gonna get you out of here,” Dean said. You put your hand on their backs, carefully walking them over to the stairs with Sam and Dean guarding your back. You and the kids made it to the landing but Sam’s groan was too loud in your ear and then there was a thud and some screaming and Sam tumbled down the stairs. “SAM!” You and Dean both called out for him. Dean shot his taser gun in the direction that he must have seen this thing but he missed.

Sam quickly got up and ran back up the stairs to you, tossing his taser gun at Dean. “Take this!” He ordered. Dean caught it easily, nodding towards you and his brother before you disappeared behind the corner and ran out of the house. Sam told you to stay put, guarding the entrance to the house while he secured the girls in the car.

You couldn’t hear much coming from the basement but you were anxiously waiting. Dean could handle himself was the mantra that you repeated over and over again while your leg shook in anticipation. “I’m gonna go back down there!” You called for Sam. He didn’t say anything, just waved a hand at you to give you the go ahead and you whipped around, running back down the stairs trying not to make too much noise but the second you saw Dean lying in the corner of the basement, unconscious, you ran.

You could feel a pulse on your fingertips but you didn’t know if it was his or just yours from your heart beating so quickly. He wouldn’t wake up, no matter how much you tried to shake him awake or slap his cheeks or begged him to. You knew you couldn’t carry him up the stairs alone and it felt like an eternity, you sitting there, checking for pulses on his neck and his wrists while crying out for Sam until he eventually showed up. He ran to your side, doing all the same steps that you just did until he grabbed him and helped you carry him to the car.

Getting the kids to safety was your first mission but it felt insignificant to you as you cradled Dean’s head in your lap in the front seat of the Impala. You tried not to cry now that you weren’t alone and you didn’t want to freak the kids out so you sniffled to yourself quietly until the kids got out of the car and then Sam and then Dean to take him into the hospital. It wasn’t until you were left alone in the car while Sam delivered him to the ER that you let yourself really, really cry. Like snot shooting out of your nose, not being able to tell the difference between snot and tears on the back of your hand, whole body shaking kind of cry. When you were done and your eyes were bloodshot and your nose was rosy, you went in to join Sam.

You and Sam were at the reception area, trying to figure out how to pay for this mess when the lady gave you a solemn look, “there doesn’t seem to be any insurance on file.” Sam mumbled a few words to himself, grabbing his wallet out of his pocket. He was just as shaken up as you, maybe even more but he was handling it much better. You hadn’t seen him cry but that didn’t mean he wasn’t and he handed the lady a credit card - stolen. “Okay, mister Berkovitz,” she said, reading the name on the card.

You looked over your shoulder at the policemen waiting, watching, staring at you. You pulled on Sam’s jacket after the lady went to run the card and made your way to the policemen. They gave you another solemn look and you were already tired of all the pity looks you were receiving from people. You wanted to be left alone. “We can, uh, finish this up later,” the policeman offered.

“No, it’s okay,” Sam told them, shoving his hands in his jacket pocket. “We were just taking a shortcut through the neighborhood and our windows were rolled down. We heard some screaming when we drove past the house, and we stopped and ran inside,” he explained the fake version of it all. The civilian version it.

“And found the kids in the basement?” The officer finished, you and Sam both nodded. “Well thank god that you did,” he said, offering you a proud smile. This was one of the more friendlier encounters with the police you’ve had in the past few years and you were disappointed that it was under such grave circumstances.

You heard a door opening from behind you and you excused yourself from the officers, Sam quickly following. The policemen yelled a thank you down the hall as you ran up to the doctor. “Is he-” You started but the doctor held out a hand, suggesting that you calm down. You took two deep breaths and then the doctor smiled.

“He’s resting,” he said.

“And?” You pushed.

“The electrocution triggered a heart attack - pretty massive, I’m afraid. His heart is damaged,” the doctor explained. You felt like your heart was damaged hearing that news. You felt Sam’s body tense up.

“How damaged?” Sam asked and you braced yourself for the worst news possible. You could see it in the doctor's eyes that that was coming. You wrapped your arm around Sam’s, leaning into him for comfort.

“We’ve done all that we can. We just need to try and keep him comfortable at this point but I’d give him a couple weeks at most, maybe a month,” he explained. You thought that you had cried all of your tears but more threatened to come. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest you thought that you were going to vomit all of the doctor’s white coat.

“No. There’s gotta be more that you can do,” Sam protested, his face falling and there they were: the tears. “Some kind of treatment,” Sam suggested.

“We can’t work miracles. I really am sorry.” Your lips parted and you could feel the tears streaking down your face and you felt paralyzed in that hallway with that doctor but Sam pushed you off of him and pushed past the doctor and into Dean’s room where the TV was lightly humming.

When you entered the room, Dean was mumbling something about daytime TV with his raspy voice that cut deep into your skin and left you bruised. You popped up behind Sam, who sighed and let out a sharp exhale. “We talked to your doctor,” he said.

“That fabric softener teddy bear. I wanna hunt that little bitch down,” Dean said, pursing out his lips as he changed the channel of the TV.

“Dean,” you warned. He rolled his eyes, putting the remote down on his lap.

“Looks like you guys are gonna have to leave town without me,” he said bluntly.

“What are you talking about? We’re not gonna leave you here,” you said, stepping out from behind Sam’s back, getting braver and braver but it was hard to see him in this condition. It was heart wrenching.

“You better take care of that car,” he warned. “I swear I’ll haunt your ass.”

“I don’t think that’s funny,” Sam said and you agreed but you bit your lip to prevent yourself from smiling.

“Oh come on, it’s a little bit funny.” You couldn’t help but let out a little laugh and Sam smiled, looking down at his feet. The room fell silent then and Dean let out a sigh. “Look, Sammy, what can I say, man? It’s a dangerous gig and I drew the short straw. That’s it, end of story.”

“Don’t talk like that, alright? We’ve still got options,” Sam pleaded with his brother. You knew just as well as Dean that there were no options but Sam would play the devil’s advocate until Dean died. He would always beat the horse too thin. Pray for a miracle that would never come.

“What options? You got burial or cremation,” Dean deadpanned.

“Hey,” you warned, shooting him a glare. He licked his lips, raised his eyebrows at you apologetically and then sighed again.

“I know it’s not easy but I’m gonna die. And you can’t stop it,” Dean said. He was the first one to really say it out loud. In those words. Sam’s face was scrunched up and red and you saw the tears pooling in his eyelid but you knew he wouldn’t let them fall around Dean. You put your hand on his forearm briefly and then sat on the edge of Dean’s bed.

“Watch me.”

The next few days were spent searching the internet and calling everyone in John’s journals to figure out a way to fix this, but Sam wasn’t sleeping and he wasn’t crying and you felt like maybe he was holding back for you because even when you were hiding in the bathroom, waiting for him to do something while he was alone - there was nothing. You couldn’t even hear him crying in the shower.

You were perched on the edge of the bed, the laptop on your lap while Sam tried John’s phone. No answer. “Hey dad, it’s Sam. Uh… You probably won’t even get this, but, uh, it’s Dean,” he started, his voice shaking and cracking. You closed the laptop and pushed it to the side. “He’s sick and the doctors say there’s nothing they can do.” He paused, his face scrunching up in pain. “But hey,” he chuckled, “they don’t know the things we know, right? So don’t worry, cuz I’m, uh, gonna do whatever it takes to get him better.” Sam kept hitting his ankle that was crossed over his knee and playing with the frayed ends. “All right, just wanted you to know.” Sam hung up and you were angry at John for not answering and not being here and making Sam do this alone.

“Hey,” you whispered, putting your hand on his shoulder. He jumped at your touch, almost like he forgot that you were even there but he softened when he looked at your face. You gave him a weak smile. “We’ll fix this, okay?” You promised him. It wasn’t something you could promise or that you should have promised but you did it anyway to make him feel better.

He pushed off the bed and started to pace around the room, running his hands through his dirty hair. He looked like such a mess. You could almost see the anger building up inside of him on his face. The way he squeezed his eyes shut, the way his lips were tight against each other. Sam turned around and in one swift motion, he cleaned the table clean of all the magazines and take out menus that littered it.

You jumped to your feet and put your hands on his biceps, coaching him to look at you. Begging him to look you in the eyes. When he finally did, you gave him another weak smile. “Breathe, okay? Please?” You asked. Sam licked his lips and then took a deep breath, nodding at you but when he let it out, he shook his head and crashed his body into yours.

You wrapped your arms around him and he squeezed you so tight you thought your head was going to pop off but you didn’t mind because that was Sam and you were willing to hold him for as long as he needed or wanted you to but a knock at the door broke the moment.

You sat him down on the bed and got the door yourself. “Dean?” His skin was pale and he was sweating even though it was cold outside and his body was pressed against the doorframe. “What the hell are you doing here?” You scolded him for leaving but the smile on Sam’s face when he saw him, made you regret it.

“I checked myself out,” he smirked, limping into the room, holding himself up with the chair.

“Are you crazy?” Sam asked but his face was filled with relief and joy that his brother was here with him. You knew just how crazy it made him think about Dean in that hospital bed, alone, watching daytime TV that he hated.

“I wasn’t going to die in a hospital, especially where the nurses aren’t even hot,” he joked as you closed the door behind him and helped him sit down in the chair. Neither of you laughed at his joke, but Dean still thought it was funny and he chuckled.

“You know, this whole “I laugh in the face of death” thing is crap. I can see right through it,” Sam told him, trying to scold or be serious but he was still smiling a little bit.

“Yeah, whatever, dude,” Dean rolled his eyes and adjusted his jacket so that he was comfortable and you couldn’t imagine that he was but he was putting on a brave face despite the fact that he looked like he was dying. “Have you even slept? You look worse than me,” he teased.

“He hasn’t,” you answered for Dean but giving Sam a glare. You had been begging him the last few days to just get a few moments of sleep and you would do the research for him but he insisted on staying up until he found a solution for his brother. Even as you slept, you could feel his body stirring next to you.

“I’ve been scouring the internet for the last three days. Been calling every contact in dad’s journal,” Sam explained, sitting down on the bed across from his brother. You sat next to him, pulling out the laptop and opening it up. There weren’t many solutions out there, but the one that you had so far, was pulled up on the computer.

“For what?” Dean groaned, visibly uncomfortable.

“For a way to help you. One of dad’s friends, Joshua, he called me back. He told me about a guy in Nebraska, a specialist,” Sam explained. You pulled up all the reports of the guy that you could find online, up, spinning the computer to show Dean. All the articles you could find showed nothing but good things. This guy healing people from even the brink of death.

Dean scanned the screen and shook his head, “you guys aren’t gonna let me die in peace, are you?” He asked.

“We’re not gonna let you die, period. We’re going.”

tagged: @matchamendes @stuckupstucky @sillydecoy @kaelyn-lobrutto24@liztorr1212 @icanreadbookstoo @rachael-mae @jessewa26

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ohgcmma · 6 years ago

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hi ! i’m zelda ! you might see me referred to as quincy in a few places, im just trying to start using an alias but im very bad at it so. we’ll see how long that lasts. anyways ! like this post or message me to plot !

who’s that walking onto the stage? that's [gemma valentine], the [guitarist] for the band. she is [twenty-three], and is from [ohio], like the rest of the band. gossip mags like to say that she is [impulsive], but i believe they’re also [passionate]. i read that they’d be [going to law school] if they weren’t in the band, and that their favorite song was [bishops knife trick by fall out boy]. hopefully it won’t come to that though, i like their stuff too much.

trigger warning for death & cancer under the cut !

history

gemma valentine was born and raised in rural ohio. her mother’s name is bridget and her father’s name is michael. she has one brother named nathan, who is older.

michael valentine was the sheriff of the small town. he was a hard ass, and because of this gemma and him have never been close.

bridget valentine was a nurse at the hospital a few towns over. she worked a lot and was often not home. gemma isn’t close to her either.

nathan left home when gemma was eleven, and has only been home sporadically since.

the only person gemma was ever close to was her best friend alex.

they were complete opposites. where alex was calm and focused on his future, gemma was a force to be reckoned with. this never stopped them from causing trouble together, though.

they spent their childhood and early teen years causing mayhem.

they would “borrow” their parents cars and drive too fast on back roads surrounded by farmland, laughter flying out the window and disappearing in the night behind them.

they were partners in crime, finding trouble where they could and creating it where they couldn’t.

they had big plans to escape their dead end town and never look back. they started a little band, gemma on guitar and alex singing and shakily drumming out a beat on an ancient drum kit. they even posted a few covers on youtube. they never got any traction.

**tw cancer & death**

but all of that came crashing down when alex got sick. he fell ill when they were fifteen. he was soon diagnosed with cancer

his family and the doctors tried everything they could, but the disease didn’t relent

he passed away within the year, just before gemma turned sixteen.

she absolutely lost her mind when he died, she had lost the only person that had ever meant anything to her.

**tw over**

she retreated into herself. once a bright class clown, she became distant and withdrawn.

she didn’t start the band with the original intention of creating some strange tribute to alex. she played a little bit of music with jiahou, and they sounded great together, and suddenly they were a band.

the band became gemma’s only lifeline. as the group filled out and more joined the little pseudo-family, gemma found a way to hold on to alex. the band was finding some degree of success, achieving everything gemma and alex had talked about.

gemma never fully recovered from the tragedy of losing alex, never managed to bring back who she was before.

but she found people who she cared for, and cared about her, which made a world of difference

everything comes to an end, though, even the best of things. used to loss, gemma was resigned to end of the band. their last summer together was bittersweet, and then gemma went off to college, half expecting to never see them again.

she went west for college, to a school smothered by sunlight and plenty of parties to keep gemma busy. undeniably intelligent, gemma managed to land herself in a pre law major at a prestigious university that was not quite her style.

college warped gemma into a strange facsimile of who she was before, too many nights drowned in vodka and spent with strangers to be quite the same girl she was when she left ohio.

her four years out west a bit of a blur, she left college with a degree she didn’t care about and an acceptance letter to a law school she wasn’t looking forward to. out east this time, ivy covered walls were not what gemma wanted for her future.

it seemed like fate, maybe a bit of luck, that gemma got the call about getting the band back together. she agreed immediately, thankful to put off her bright but disenchanting future as long as possible.

this tour means a lot to her, reconnecting with some of the most important people in her life and a chance at a future that gemma can actually look forward to.

personality

gemma is the kind of reckless and impulsive that only comes from growing up in a rural town

have you ever met someone who is really intelligent but also makes the stupidest decisions? yeah that’s gemma. she uses twizzlers as a straw sometimes

she’s a bit angry at the world, which is why she’s going to law school so she can make some changes and that seems like the best way.

she likes to have fun but sometimes gets a lil dangerous about it, definitely needs to be reigned in a bit

chaotic neutral

thats all for now, folks ! if you have any questions lemme know !

#touring:intro

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poetic-beats · 6 years ago

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Update: Good news

The lady I saw with the crisis team was absolutely amazing. Honestly I wanted to hug her at the end but i felt that would not be appropriate.

She sat and listened to us for over an hour. Like we were literally in there with her until gone 8pm...

I was like what now...its gone 8 wow...but she didnt like say anything about it she didnt like stop us or whatever...you know she let me and my mum talk away and she asked the questions she needed to ask.

She was just so lovely. So SO lovely. She completely empathised and understood my situation and my mums feelings and situation handling all this.

She is gonna refer me back to meadow lodge but hopefully i get the other psychiatrist not my old one.

But also it was more because i obviously need emergency care and to refer me to a brand new psychiatrist place outside of my area too would take longer.

Also there is this whole thing because i was discharged less than 6 months ago when the crisis team put in a referral the process should happen very fast from her sending in the referral to the psychiatrist team at Meadow Lodge making an appointment for me. Because of the time span between the referral from her and me being discharged from Meadow Lodge.

Where as a new place I would just be getting an appointment as a new patient with no record of ever being under their care and I wouldn’t necessarily get seen as fast.

I am hesitant if i do end up with my old psychiatrist again but she told me I can always write in a complaint to my psychiatrists manager. I did not know this was even a thing as she is the head of the psychiatrists at Meadow Lodge but the lady explained to me they should usually and always do have someone in charge of that whole place as they have more than just psychiatrists working there so its like the top guy who runs the whole meaodw lodge and the psychiatrist i saw just was sort of the manager of the psychiatry department within the lodge but thats comforting to know there is someone above her at the lodge that i can file a complaint with if i get her again.

Also my GP and the crisis team lady were confused about why i’d never been offered CBT or even told that there is a free self referral place in my town that offers CBT the crisis team lady was very shocked that I was NEVER given this option or ever told about it.

Because I had mentioned I had asked my ex psychiatrist for CBT as an example of the other kinds of therapy I had wanted. Because one thing to point out.

BPD’s main treatment is DBT with mindfulness. Bipolar therapy is CBT.

The mindfulness portion of the BPD therapy which i sat through before having to leave for my own good due to a Mania that was not helped by the teachings of the mindfulness course which told me to live in the moment and forget the future or past and consequences basically like trying to reduce anxiety i suppose but someone in a bipolar mania cannot handle that youre basically giving me a green light to spend all my money and be reckless.

And the lady at the crisis team completely understood this! Which was refreshing. It is as if they didnt take into account BOTH my conditions when offering me this therapy. And when i brought up this issue to my ex psychiatrist she got defensive and rude and then discharged me.

But yes...I am excited now that i can do CBT which is not gonna trigger the BPD and will be effective for the Bipolar oh and its not that CBT doesnt work on BPD patients its just they believe BPD patients might respond better too DBT.

But as you know every patient is different and its not a one shoe fits all. Also this information only goes on the basis of someone having JUST BPD not that AND bipolar.

So you cant say oh BPD patients respond to DBT that is what you will do. Because I also have Bipolar and DBT is NOT recommended for obvious reasons for that. So they should have taken that into account. AND CBT on patients with BOTH conditions well it can work.

Obviously in an ideal world I would receive a multi disciplinary approach a psychotherapist who draws the best bits from multiple therapeutic techniques to combat the issues within both my disorders. But I NEVER have and NEVER will expect that on the NHS given its current state. Sad thing is when looking for private therapists in my surrounding areas. They do not seem to be helping out BPD and Bipolar patients. Let alone someone with both.

Most just offer therapy for PTSD OCD ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION and GRIEVANCE THERAPY like literally the BASICS.

I found one woman who is trained extensively in BPD adults. and has done a therapy which ive read up on and sounds amazing and results sound amazing but its relatively new to the Therapy world as most therapies have been around for a LONG time so this schema therapy completely redefines how we treat a patient with BPD. But as i said its shown amazing results.

But she IS around £80 a session possibly up to £100.

and I would more than likely be having bare minimum fortnightly meetings with her. So that could be anywhere between 200-400 pounds a month depending if its weekly or fortnightly.

That is a LOT of money.

Money neither me or my parents have right now.

However if i DO get my DLA (PIP) which currently I cannot do given the horrible letter my Psychiatrist gave me. Then I might get enough money from that to pay for my therapy.

But right now though I can self refer to this CBT therapy so that might be enough and might be all I need at this moment in time to help myself and unlock the tools i need to further my development and recovery.

So yes. I also really need to be on some form of anti psychotic or mood stabiliser as i am currently on a high dose anti depressant and my psychiatrist discharged me on this dose without warning really oh this is probably very dangerous and your risk of Bipolar relapse is VERY high.

So..yeah and here I am now. Although every meeting I actually had with her this year before discharging me I was in a Bipolar relapse. My GP when i got discharged and went to see him did make a comment on my moods there and then.

Something my psychiatrist either did not pick up on or did but chose to discharge me anyways because as she said to us in our final meeting that other people are waiting for this service we cant help you forever and ive got to learn to manage my conditions on my own and handle it on my own.

Which we get but if youve not given me tools to manage on my own im going in blind which is why i need therapy. To increase the tools in my toolkit to help myself.

That is like taking a persons walking stick away and saying youve got this problem with your leg but more people are in the queue behind you so you need to learn to manage this on your own and find out your own ways of coping but we arent gonna give you any tips or tools to help you good bye...and then expecting someone to know how to help themselves aka get a walking stick although its an obvious answer to get a walking stick so the analogy maybe doesnt work at that level but you get my point.

But I feel a lot less worse than i was yesterday. So I am not too bad right now given how yesterday went.

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smuttyfairy · 8 years ago

Text

Recovered Hearts {OSH}

Description: He would do everything in his power to make you happy again.

Genre: Angst/Fluff/Smut

Word Count: 10,153

Warning: mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, consensual smut, panic attacks, small PTSD moments (please do not read this if any of these things can/will trigger you)

Pairing: Police Officer!Oh Sehun x Reader (feat. Police Officer!Yixing)

Author: Admin Xiufairy ㅅㅇㅅ (THIS IS MY FAREWELL EVERYONE!! I hope you enjoy it, it wasn’t easy to write.)

Xiufairy’s Masterlist ㅅㅇㅅ

Sehun had seen it before anyone else. Yixing soon caught on after that, but you’d never admit it to them. Not only to hide your own shame, but the shame of how much you still loved the man who hurt you.

He hurt you in every way possible, and there was nothing stopping him from doing it again. Yixing and Sehun were both cops - partners that usually patrolled the streets together. It was the day that he’d beaten you until you couldn’t take it anymore that you finally called the cops on him.

Yixing and Sehun, being the closest, were the first to respond. You hated that they saw you like that, beaten, bruised, and cowering in the corner. You even flinched away from them trying to help you.

Sehun was more than a bit rough when he was putting your ex boyfriend into handcuffs. You hated this image of you that they saw. You were sure you were going to at least have a black eye and bruises all over you. Your top was ripped in a few places. You were glad they’d arrived before it got worse.

The trial was hard for you, but you stayed stronger than you ever thought you could be. You sat next to your lawyer, Park Areum, and Sehun. You brought Sehun because you needed someone you recognized in order to speak freely. You knew that Sehun would protect you no matter what. He was also a witness for the forensics department at the police station.

He’d be presenting the evidence of all of the harm that came to you.

He went up to the stand, reluctantly leaving you to watch as your ex glared at you. If that wasn’t proof enough, you wondered what would be.

“So, Officer Oh,” your lawyer paced back and forth as she regarded your friend, “you said that the department has examined my client. Describe her injuries for me.” Sehun glanced at you and all you could do was nod. He had to do this - you had to do this.

Sehun cleared his throat. “Well, for starters, we saw her appearance when Officer Zhang and I arrived on the scene. She had bruises along the left side of her face, bruises forming on her neck, and her clothing was ripped. There was also evidence of rape.” You cringed at the word.

“And how long have you been friends with Ms. (Y/L/N)?”

“I’d say almost ten years.” He looked at you and just by your posture he knew you were becoming uncomfortable. Your arms were crossed over your chest and your eyes were everywhere. You were checking your surroundings.

“When you arrived at the scene, what happened?”

“Officer Zhang and I were closest, so we responded first. The house was a mess, a definite sign there had been a struggle.” Sehun’s eyes kept trailing to you, making sure you were comfortable.

“I’m going to have to ask you to stop looking at her, Mr. Oh.” Your lawyer snapped, he reverted his attention and he nodded. She gestured for him to continue.

“After he was arrested -”

“Say his name.” You knew your lawyer had to be thorough, and all Sehun was doing was trying to protect you. He didn’t want to upset you.

“After we arrested Kim Mirung, I went back inside in order to help Ms. (Y/L/N).”

“And what happened?”

“Even after ten years of friendship, she flinched away from me.” The sadness in his voice was evident, even nearly six months after the accident, he regretted not being able to help you. You quickly wiped away the tear that had snuck past without your knowledge.

After a few more questions, your lawyer turned to Mirung’s lawyer.

“Your witness.”

“You said you arrived on the scene and she was already beaten, correct?” Mirung’s lawyer was named Im Sungmin, and he was just like the man he was defending - scum.

“Yes, that’s what I said. Under oath. In a courtroom.” Sehun’s natural sass was coming out and it was clear that he had no respect for the older man.

“Then how did you know that it was Mr. Kim’s doing? What if he had just arrived?” He turned to the jury, as if to get their opinions. None of them were impressed.

“Mr. Kim’s knuckles were completely split down to the bone, sir. It’s safe to say that he was the attacker.” Sehun answered calmly, but you knew how he was. He was probably clenching his fists beneath the podium he sat behind.

“You said she showed signs of rape. What were these signs?”

“There were multiple lacerations of the vaginal wall and her uterus was damaged. She will most likely never have her own children.” The one thing Sehun was bad at keeping hidden was his emotions. His anger and concern showed clearly on his face.

“And how many of these wounds were caused by you?” Sungmin’s words sent the courtroom in an uproar. Your hand shot up to cover your mouth as your eyes welled with tears. Your lawyer stood up, slamming her hands against the table.

“Objection, this is outrageous! Judge Kwon, you can’t actually use this in any records -”

“No,” Sehun stood up, “I’ll answer it.” The courtroom quieted down, as everyone stared at him in shock.

“Sehun, please, don’t -” your lawyer began.

“I’m under oath, aren’t I?” He narrowed his eyes dangerously at Sungmin. “And the truth is what you will get.” He lifted his hand and pointed at you. “That woman over there, is my best friend. She has been since freshman year of high school and I’ll be damned if you ever demean her for something that wasn’t her fault. She was abused for a year and half before she finally broke and called the police. As much as I want to protect her, I’m not here today as her best friend, but an officer of the law. I may be a man, but I’m not scum like you. I don’t get into every woman’s bed, and I also don’t lay my hands on women. With that being said,” he looked at you, “I have never touched her inappropriately, or without permission.” With that, he buttoned his jacket over his shirt. “And I believe if that was your last question, we’ll move on to the next witness.”

“That’s surely enough.” The judge seemingly approved of what Sehun said. He struck the gavel against the wood. “The answer will be recorded. We’ll take an hour recess.”

Sehun walked to you quickly. He smiled at you in an attempt to calm you down as he led you out of the courtroom. He drove you to your favorite restaurant, which was really just a small diner.

“I don’t think I can eat anything.” You shrugged.

“I know it’s hard, but it’ll be over soon. I need you to keep your strength up. At least get some soup or something.” He gave you a small smile, sitting next to you at the table instead of across. He always did that, not that it bothered you in the slightest. Today, it seemed as if there was a reason. Your lawyer sat across from the two of you, and Yixing soon joined after her.

His words kept coming back to you, ‘she will most likely never have her own children’. That was probably what hurt you the most in the long run. The three of them kept discussing the case while you were quiet, slowly eating the soup that Sehun made you order.

With fifteen minutes left, your lawyer and Yixing left, leaving you alone with Sehun and your half eaten bowl of soup.

“Look at me.” He said quietly, his voice was only ever that soft with you. You didn’t hesitate to do what he said.

You looked into his eyes.

“We’re going to win this. He’s never going to hurt you again, okay?” He looked at you until you nodded. Sometimes when he got too close to you, you would flinch or tense up, but that was slowly going away. Sehun was the only man you would feel comfortable with sitting this close to you. Yet still, you were unable to trust anyone completely. Your mind shut him out.

Just as you were about to speak, you heard glass shatter. You gasped quietly, grabbing onto Sehun’s arm. You saw the worry in his eyes as he pulled you closer to him.

“C’mon, we have to go.” He whispered. As he got up, you grabbed onto his hand and followed him, attempting to blink away the memories the glass brought back. He put money down on the table and before you had time to argue he intertwined his fingers with yours and he led you to his car.

“Do you really think we’ll win?” You asked quietly.

“There’s not a chance in Hell that he’ll get out of this, (Y/N).” He looked at you as he turned on his car. “I’ll put him away for a long time, I promise.” You knew Sehun was angry - obviously not with you - and he was dangerous when he was angry. The man who hurt you would never lay a hand on you again, and you knew that for a fact when you had Sehun with you.

“Thank you.” You found his hand again and he gladly held yours, even as he walked you back into the courtroom. The two of you settled down in your seats and the case started once again.

Twenty minutes after being back, it was time for each lawyer's closing statement. Sungmin didn’t have much of one, and once Areum stood up, Sehun gripped your hand tighter.

“We’ve come together in this room to serve justice. You all know the truth in your hearts, but whether you listen to yourselves or not is on you individually. If you choose to set this man free, not only will Ms. (Y/L/N) still be in danger, but so will more women in the future. (Y/N) has nothing to gain from being here today. She isn’t plotting against him, she’s not here for that. The only reason this wasn’t found out earlier was because she loved him, she protected him, no matter the sick things he’s done to her. This includes, beating her until she passed out, raping her, doing whatever he wanted to a body that was not his. Had she not called that day, he could’ve easily taken her life. If you look at her, you’ll see the truth. She was so traumatized that it’s taken her months to even let her best friend hold her hand. Her ability to have children was taken from her by the same man she once saw a future with. Just because they were dating did not give him the right to her body. It did not justify any blows he delivered to her, of any kind. Your purpose here today, is to serve justice.” Areum looked at you from across the courtroom. “So do your job.”

Shortly after her speech, the jury went away to discuss their verdict. Sehun was talking to you, but after only five minutes of deciding, the jury members walked out and retook their seats. The one closest to the judge stood.

“The verdict?”

“Under the charges of domestic violence, we find the defendant guilty as charged.” There was a long pause. “Under the charges of rape, we find the defendant guilty as charged.”

“Very well.” The judge hit the gavel against the wood. “I sentence Kim Mirung to 15 years without parole.” You felt the tears well in your eyes as you grabbed onto Sehun’s sleeve. You tugged on it until he looked at you.

Your heart was beating faster than it ever had before as you wrapped your arms around him. He was shocked at first, you hadn’t gotten this close to him since that day. The most you’d done was hold his hand. He slowly wrapped his arms around you as well, resting his head on top of yours as he held you tightly.

You hadn’t realized exactly what you’d done, but you still felt safe with Sehun. You cried and he held you like his life depended on it.

Just an hour later, he was sprawled out on your couch and you sat at the end. You were slowly beginning to doze off when he realized how tired you were. He sat up, startling you once he touched your shoulder.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He said quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just going to have you go lay down. I can go home.”

“No,” you mumbled quietly, “stay here with me.”

“You’re tired, you need rest.” He replied simply.

“Scared,” you muttered, your eyes barely staying open. Sehun shifted closer to you. He watched as you tensed and he touched your shoulder.

“I’m just going to put you in your room. That’s all I’m going to do, I promise. Do you trust me?” He looked into your drooping eyes, waiting for your approval.

You nodded, only tensing a bit when his arms slid under your body to lift you up. He carried you into your room easily, gently setting you down against your mattress. As long as you looked at him, the way he pulled the covers over you ceased to bother you. He sat on his knees in front of you and he smiled softly.

“Get some rest.” He brushed your hair behind your ear. “You know I’ll protect you.” He placed a gentle kiss against your forehead and you watched as he walked out of your room. He looked at you once more with a smile and a gleam in his eyes that you’d never seen before. He turned the light off and closed the door quietly.

You quickly lulled off into sleep.

When you woke up again, you stirred with a groan. Your dress became uncomfortable, so you stretched before getting up. You unzipped the back of it, sighing as you caught sight of yourself in the mirror. At least the rib he’d broken was almost healed. The bruise was still dark, but lighter by the day.

You slid some sweatpants on and a t-shirt. You walked out of your room, almost confused when you saw Sehun asleep on your couch, his suit jacket it hanging over the top. You sighed, walking back into your room to grab your blanket. You covered him with it, running your fingers gently through his hair. You felt tears well in your eyes again, but you blinked them away. If only you could forget.

If you could forget Mirung, you could love Sehun.

You wanted to love Sehun with all of your heart but you were so scared, so mind blowingly scared, that you couldn’t even bother. Your heart knew he would never hurt you, your heart trusted, but everything in your mind told you to get away. Your fingers trailed from his hair to the soft skin of his cheek.

You remembered the gleam in his eyes and wondered if he had somehow fallen in love with you - fallen in love with the broken shell of a woman that you were. You took a deep, shaky breath before you walked away from him. You grabbed your laptop and went online to order a pizza for the both of you.

No matter how much you tried, Sehun wouldn’t leave your thoughts. You thought about how happy you could be with him, how easy it would be to trust him.

But you couldn’t trust anybody, at least not yet.

It would take time for your heart to heal and you hoped he would wait for you. You sat at your kitchen table for a while, not really wanting to wake him up.

Until he woke up, you really, truly wondered if you could ever love him without hesitation.

The next six months, you slowly began to get better. All your physical bruises had healed and you were able to laugh more. You slept well at night knowing that he couldn’t hurt you while he was in prison. He couldn’t, and for now, you were safe.

Sehun was taking you out to dinner, attempting to erase any harm that your abuser had caused you. With Sehun’s help, you could now talk openly about it. If you got asked a question, you’d be able to answer. Sehun was able to touch you without warning you first, it was almost like you were you again.

It was exactly a year after you’d gotten away from him. Sehun knew what this meant and neither of you liked it. Every time you saw the date, whether it was on your phone or elsewhere, whatever smile you had would fade.

If you heard glass shatter, it still sent you into a panic. If someone raised their voices at you, you’d flinch. Your boss hadn’t known what happened to you, and you had to explain after you calmed down from a panic attack in the middle of his office.

After that, he was nicer to you, he tried to be sympathetic with you.

Sehun showed up at your apartment at exactly four o’clock in the afternoon, ready to escort you to a fancy dinner which you were eager to avoid. You knew it was for the best, so you just listened to Sehun. He watched as you curled your hair and put on your makeup. You pushed him out of the room so you could change, finding a dress you hadn’t worn in a long time. It was a burgundy color, it was tighter than what you usually wore and fell down to about mid thigh.

You shouted that he could come back in and you saw the shock on his face.

“What? Is it bad?” You tilted your head to the side.

“No, exactly the opposite. It’s good. Really good.” He nodded, giving you a small smile. “Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you.” He searched his pockets. “Hold up, it’s in my jacket.”

He came back holding his jacket and a small box. He handed you the box almost nervously and put his jacket on over his white shirt. You opened the box and your jaw dropped. The necklace was on a silver chain, a pretty stone in the middle that you could only hope was a fake diamond.

“Sehun, please tell me this is fake.” You whispered breathlessly.

“What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t buy you things?” He shrugged.

“A regular one!” You put your hand over your heart. “I can’t take this, it’s way too much, I’d be buying you food for the rest of our lives -”

“I don’t want anything in return.” He told you. He took the box from your hand, taking the necklace out of it. He walked behind you, moving your hair. “This is the least I can give you.” Your heart was beating a thousand times faster than it should’ve been. He clasped the necklace, letting it rest around your neck. The material was cold against your skin but you welcomed it.

You turned to look at him, having to glance up to find his eyes. They held the same gleam you’d seen quite often by now, and you’d begun to realize what it meant. Your mind was a whirl of anxiety and you were sure he could tell.

“I’d never hurt you.” He whispered before grabbing your hand. “Let’s go, we’ve got a reservation.” You easily followed him, not minding the way his fingers naturally intertwined with yours.

You loved Sehun, you knew you did. You also knew that he loved you. The way he took care of you, his gentleness, the gleam in his eyes, and now the necklace, you knew.

The two of you had a great time at the restaurant. You were comfortable enough now that he could sit across from you. You found an undeniable happiness consume you when you were with Sehun.

You had at least three glasses of wine and you were in a good state of mind. Like this, you could let go of your fears and love Sehun. You could love him and you loved that. Once it was over, you felt your good mood dampen.

Sehun would have to leave you at your apartment alone. The idea scared you, especially on this day. Sehun had always been careful with you, supportive, and kind. He waited for you. Maybe he would stay with you.

He led you up to your apartment and the two of you stopped outside of the door.

“Did you have fun?” He asked you.

“More than I’ve had in a long time, Sehun.” You told him honestly, not ready to release your grip on his arm.

“I’m glad.” He smiled at you. “I should go now, it’s late and you’ve got to -”

“Will you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone tonight. You have stuff to change into here and you always used to stay before -”

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He said quietly, running his fingers through his hair.

“Why?” You pouted, tugging on his sleeve. “I miss our sleepovers.”

“I do too, (Y/N), but there’s...something you should know. Before I keep hanging around you.” He began.

“Is everything alright?” You frowned.

“I think so, yeah.” He nodded slowly. “I just...I can’t hide this from you anymore. I know it’s unfair of me to say this to you, but I really don’t expect anything right now. I want you to take your time and think it through, okay?”

“Sehun…” you looked at him, “are you going to tell me that you’re in love with me?” You saw the flash of vulnerability in his eyes that you’d never seen before.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

“I don’t need time to think it through.” You shook your head. “What I need is for you to give me time to figure myself out. I do love you, I know that, but I’m…”

“You’re what?”

“I’m damaged, Sehun.” Your eyes welled with tears. “There’s something about you that makes me feel like I’ll actually be okay, you know. I just...I look at myself and see scars that were forced onto me. There’s emotional and physical scars that will never go away and I’m so terrified that you’ll see them.” Your voice shook as you spoke, clenching tighter onto his sleeve.

“Listen to me,” he whispered, moving his hand up to cup your cheek, “I love you. I don’t expect you to be perfect by any means, I don’t expect you to be perfectly new after what happened to you. I don’t care if it takes years for you to open up to me, I’ll be here.”

“I love you and I know it in my heart but my mind...it’s trying to tell me that this is a bad idea.” A tear fell down your cheek but Sehun quickly wiped it with his thumb.

“And is this a bad idea?” He asked.

“No.”

“Good.” He took your breath away when he kissed you. Your mind melted away and your heart took control. Your own hands reached up to him, holding onto him like your life depended on it.

When he pulled away, his forehead rested against yours. He attempted to control his breathing.

“Was that okay?” He asked, his eyes flashing with worry. “I should’ve asked -”

“It was more than okay, Sehun.” You reassured him.

“Let’s get some sleep.” He said softly, agreeing to stay with you. You unlocked the door and for some reason you were nervous. This was your best friend, why were you scared? You knew he’d never hurt you.

The two of you entered your bedroom and you made him turn around so you could change. It was hot in your house, so you put shorts and a tank top on before you found stuff for him to sleep in.

Once the two of you had changed, you let him crawl into your bed first. It wouldn’t be the first time you shared a bed with Sehun. You’d be lying if you said that you didn’t have ulterior motives. You wanted to see just how far you could push yourself with him.

“Sehun,” you whispered, waiting until he turned to you, “can you do something for me?”

“Anything.” He replied. Satisfied with his answer, you leaned forward and kissed him, slowly at first. When his hand touched your hip, he felt you flinch. “Not this. You’re not ready.” He gently pushed you away, making eye contact with you.

“I’ll know when I’m ready, Sehun. I want this to happen.”

“What if I hurt you?” It was genuine fear you saw in his eyes.

“You won’t, Sehun, I trust you.” You reached up and cupped his cheek, running your thumb along his skin. You were able to prevent yourself from flinching away from his touch. All you had to do was tell yourself that this was your best friend, the one who would never hurt you.

“I’ll know if you’re uncomfortable.” He whispered against your lips. “You can’t hide it from me.” He kissed you again, then moved to your jawline, then to your neck. You felt it again, the undeniable sensation of fear and you knew he felt it too.

“Sehun, I want th-”

“You might want it but your body’s rejecting me, (Y/N). You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. I told you I would wait for you.” He sighed. “I’m not going to do this because I love you, you know that, right?”

“Are you leaving?” You frowned. “I won’t do it again, I’m sorry. Don’t leave.”

“No, I’m not leaving. It’s time for bed, okay? We can talk more in the morning.” He laid on his side, facing you but not close enough for your liking. Sehun was the only man you could get close to. He was the only one you trusted. You slowly scooted towards him, burying your head into his chest and you felt his arms wrap securely around you.

“I love you.” You whispered quietly.

“I love you so much more than you know.” He replied, kissing the top of your head.

You woke up the next morning when Sehun was getting up to get ready for work. You sat up, one of your eyes closed as you adjusted to the light shining through the blinds.

“You’re leaving?”

“I’m afraid I have to. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Can’t you call in or something? We still have to talk.” You stretched your arms.

“Unfortunately, I can’t do that as a police officer.” He chuckled quietly. He walked over to you, cupping your cheek before kissing you gently. “I’ll come back after work.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Fine, I’ll walk you out.” You led him to your door, allowing him to kiss you again.

“I love you.” He hummed against your lips.

“I love you too.” You replied easily. He touched your arm gently before he left, leaving you unsure of what you were going to do next. You watched a couple movies on netflix, and you had no idea when you’d fallen back asleep.

You woke up to the sound of your door opening. You shot up, feeling yourself tense up immediately. You had kept a knife in the drawer of your nightstand just in case anything were to happen. You opened your bedroom door and saw Sehun.

You groaned in relief, and you saw his eyes travel down to your hand.

“Are you going to kill me?” He said, humor laced in his tone. You rolled your eyes and put the knife back.

“I keep it in my nightstand.” You explained once you walked back out. “What are you doing here, aren’t you still supposed to be working?”

“(Y/N), it’s almost five o’clock. I got out an hour ago.” He walked to you, a small smile on his face. “I only had to arrest one guy today, it was really boring. But it did give me time to think about you.”

“What about me?”

“Just how lucky I am that you’ve become comfortable with me. I remember when you could barely hold my hand and I really, really wanted to bash that asshole’s face in.” He shook his head. “You’ve gotten so much better and I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m only better because I’ve had your help, Sehun, I feel safe with you.”

“You are safe with me, (Y/N), I’ll never hurt you.” He pulled you into a hug and you didn’t hesitate anymore.

“I know.”

“Let’s talk now, okay?” He pulled you into the kitchen and the two of you sat at your table.

“I’m sorry,” you blushed, shaking your head, “I shouldn’t have asked you that last night.”

“Don’t apologize, I just don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for. I want you, I don’t care if that offers anything or not. We can go as slow, or as fast, as you’d like as long as I know you’re comfortable with me.” He seemed just as awkward as you but you could hear the truth in his words.

“And what if I can’t?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head. “I promised I would protect you and I love you, whether you can do things or not is not a factor in how I feel about you.”

“I-I don’t know what happened last night, I knew it was you and I know I’m comfortable around you. I closed my eyes and...and I think it was your breathing.” You sighed, shaking your head. “That’s ridiculous, because you obviously have to breathe, but…”

“You’ll get better with time,” Sehun squeezed your hand, “don’t force yourself to do things because that’ll make you hate me. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you.” You told him honestly. “I just want you to be happy.”

“You have no idea how happy I am.” He chuckled. “Just having you like this makes me happy. But...there should be some guidelines. I want to know what you’re uncomfortable with.”

It was hard, bringing back memories so you could tell Sehun everything. He listened to you easily and he made you feel comfortable talking about it.

After the long talk with Sehun, he stayed and watched a movie with you. You leaned against him and his arm was draped over you. About halfway through the movie, his phone began ringing.

He excused himself to the kitchen to answer, saying it was Yixing. You didn’t even try to listen to him, he was far too quiet and you actually were invested in the movie you were watching.

You saw the look on Sehun’s face. Something happened. He sat down next to you again but you paused the movie.

“What is it?” You asked him, but he avoided your gaze.

“It’s nothing, just play the movie.” He cleared his throat, but you could tell he was distracted.

“It’s clearly not nothing, Sehun.” You frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Mirung is dead.” He told you. The shock flooded you before anything else could. You felt the tears fill your eyes almost instantly as you backed up from Sehun.

“What do you mean? How? I thought he was in jail?” You stood from the couch and Sehun’s eyes followed you.

“H-he was. I don’t think I should tell you how.” Sehun took a deep breath, and you knew he didn’t want you to ask any more questions. You had to know. You had to know how your abuser had gotten away from his punishment.

“Please, Sehun, I deserve to know.”

“The other inmates figured out what he was there for.” Sehun stared at the TV screen, unable to make eye contact with you. “They beat him to death.” You felt your heart clench and your mind crumbled. Panic whirled through you and you felt your chest tightening.

“You’re lying.” You breathed out almost pathetically.

“I’ve never lied to you.” He whispered.

“But...he...I…” You stood from the couch, calling out in surprise when he wrapped his fingers around your wrist. He pulled back immediately, the shock on his face was evident.You could feel your heart beating, the blood running through your veins. You saw his face but your mind didn’t see him. Panic began to set in and you backed away from him.

He stood up, his eyes wide with worry. You ran into the plant stand by your door and the vase fell to the ground. When it shattered, you screamed, your legs giving out beneath you and your hands shooting to cover your ears. You curled into yourself, trying to make yourself as small as you could possibly be.

You felt Sehun’s hands but your mind told you it wasn’t Sehun. It wasn’t him trying to help you up, he wasn’t trying to help you, whoever this was, was going to hurt you. He was pulling you towards him and all you could do was fight against him. All you could do was struggle to get away from him.

You could hear him talking, but you didn’t process it. He was probably threatening you - you kept fighting against him. His arms wrapped around you and you were sure it was all over for you.

“It’s okay, (Y/N), I’ve got you. I won’t let him hurt you again. He’ll never hurt you again.” You slowly began to recognize the voice. You were shaking as your surroundings came back to you.

“S-Sehun?” You whispered quietly. You heard him sigh in relief as you slowly felt yourself relax. You were in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around you in order to stop you from lashing out. He slowly loosened his grip and you saw what you’d done. There were deep red scratch marks on his arms, a couple of them actually bleeding. You looked at him and gasped, his lip was bleeding.

“I promised that I wouldn’t let anybody hurt you. Come on, get away from the glass.” His voice was soft as he helped you stand.

“I-I’m sorry that I hurt you.” You frowned. “Let me help you like you help me.” You brought him into your bathroom. You got your first aid kit out and focused on his arms first. He flinched a bit once the alcohol touch the wounds, but you effectively put bandages on the scratches that had begun bleeding.

“Don’t be sorry, you were panicking.” His hand trailed up to your face, making you look at him. “I told you that I’d protect you, even if it’s from myself.”

It took a couple days for the scratches to heal, but almost a whole week for his lip. You attempted to keep your distance from him in order to stop yourself from potentially hurting him again. You couldn’t stand being the reason for his pain. He hardly allowed that, he often showed up uninvited and demanded that you go somewhere with him.

You were getting ready to go out with him again. You wore a simple light blue dress, not forgetting to put on the shining necklace Sehun had given to you. Your fingers ran over it as your bedroom door opened. You saw Sehun in the mirror you were standing in front of.

“How’d you know that shade of blue was my favorite?” He chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder.

“And here I thought red was your favorite color.” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“It was until I saw you in this color.” His words made your heart flutter. “Thank you for enlightening me.” Your fingers still traced over the necklace.

“Sehun, are we best friends?”

“Of course we are.” He replied easily.

“Is that...all we are?” You watched his face in the mirror as you waited a few moments in silence for his answer.

“Is that what you want?” He asked you.

“I’m asking if that’s what you want.” You put your hands over his. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to hold back with me.”

“Then that’s definitely not what I want.” He breathed.

“What do you want then, Sehun?”

“I want you. I want you to feel safe with me and I want you to trust me more than anything. I want you to know that you can rely on me and that you can love me. I would never hurt you.” He said it so confidently that you had no choice but to believe him. You turned to face him, your hands on his chest while his rested on the small of your back.

“I’m scared.” You looked into his eyes and couldn’t help but think of how they sparkled. They sparkled in the dim light of the lamp on your nightstand.

“I know, but you don’t have to be.” There was something within the silence after that. All the words that could never be spoken out loud were said by the quiet. The smile he gave you was so small that it was almost non existent, but when he leaned towards you, his eyes fluttering closed…

You finally escaped your mind. You closed the distance, gently pressing your lips against his. For once, your mind was silenced and your heart took over. You moved your hands to his hair, feeling the soft locks with your fingers as you moved closer to him.

“Is it too late to ask you to be my girlfriend?” He chuckled against your lips.

“What a stupid question.” You rolled your eyes.

“Is that a -”

“It means you’re a bit late, but sure, I’ll be your girlfriend.” Your words made him laugh before he kissed you again, his grip on you tightened, pulling you as close to him as you possibly could be.

“Better late than never.”

It took another three months for you to be sure you were completely comfortable with Sehun. If it was possible, he spoiled you even more now than he had before as your best friend. You had no idea how to bring the topic up to him. There was no way he would bring it up and you knew that.

You’d slowly allowed your heart to take control, even over your mind. You would no longer flinch when he touched you unexpectedly, you welcomed it now. You welcomed him.

There was a banquet in honor of the police department and as Sehun’s girlfriend, you were invited as well. Sehun made sure (at least fifty times) that you were okay with going with him, because no matter how much he wanted you to go, if you were uncomfortable with it, he would never make you go anywhere.

It was a party. You enjoyed it and you were glad Sehun never left your side. He proudly introduced you as his girlfriend to those who had never met you before. It was nice to have people not know who you were, you wanted the past to be over.

Sehun leaned down to your ear. “Would you like something to drink?” When you told him that you would pass, he went to grab his own drink and you waited for him. You felt a tap on your shoulder and you turned around, facing whoever it was with a smile.

It dropped as soon as you saw who it was.

“Sungmin.”

“(Y/N), I know the first time we met wasn’t under the best circumstances -”

“You mean when you tried to accuse my best friend of raping me?” You tilted your head a bit, surprised on how the topic didn’t send you into a panic.

“I don’t think I...that’s not the point. I didn’t come here to bring up old memories, old hardships. I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t realize how much pain you would go through because of that.” Sungmin looked genuine but you didn’t think you would ever find it within yourself to forgive him.

“You...didn’t expect to bring me pain by trying to say I was lying about my abuse? There’s only one proper response to that and that’s fuck off.” You scoffed, turning away from him.

He grabbed your wrist and everything Sehun had taught you kicked in. You jerked your wrist away and turned back to him.

“Don’t touch me.”

“You have to understand -”

“She doesn’t have to understand anything.” Finally, Sehun returned. He wrapped his arm protectively around your waist as he regarded Sungmin. “I’m only going to ask you one time to step away.”

Understanding that there was a threat laced under his words, Sungmin backed down quickly. You released your tight grip on Sehun, muttering a quick apology.

“Are you alright?” He asked quietly.

“I’m surprisingly fine.” You chuckled. “Let’s just enjoy ourselves, okay?”

The two of you spent the rest of the night laughing and dancing to the music. At one point during your dance, you had to stop because you were laughing so hard. He just pulled you close and laughed with you.

“Shit, I’m so in love with you.” Before you could respond, he caught your lips with his. You kissed him back easily, hoping he would get his response through that.

“Damn, Sehun, let her breathe.” You recognized Yixing’s voice. The two of you broke apart to face your friend of ten years.

“I was breathing just fine, Xing.” You chuckled, leaning against Sehun’s shoulder.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Yixing smiled at you. “Sehun, can I talk to you for a moment?” Sehun nodded, kissing the top of your head before following Yixing. It was only a few minutes before Sehun returned and before you could ask questions he spoke to you.

“We should get going, it’s almost midnight. Are you ready?”

“Oh, yeah. Are you staying with me tonight?” You asked him allowing him to lead you to his car.

“If that’s what you want.” He smiled at you.

The two of you arrived at your apartment and you realized just how tired you actually were. He followed you to your bedroom. He stopped moving around when he noticed you looking at him.

“Is everything alright?” He asked with a worried frown.

“Sehun…” you paused, “I’m ready.” He walked to you slowly, almost hesitant in his actions. He placed you in front of the mirror, standing behind you.

“Are you sure about this?” He whispered. “You’ll be able to see that it’s me.”

“Completely sure.” You said back, confidence in your tone. He looked at you in the mirror, seeing the look on your face confirmed that you were. He gave you a small smile before you felt his fingers push your hair away from your neck.

Your breath hitched as his lips made contact with your skin.

“Relax,” he told you, “it’s just me.” His fingers then found the zipper of your dress. The you just last week would’ve tensed and pushed him away, but the you now trusted him more than you ever had.

He unzipped it slowly, allowing it to pool at your feet. You turned towards him, stepping out of the fabric before you pushed his jacket off his shoulders. Your fingers were steady as you unbuttoned his shirt, maintaining eye contact with him.

You weren’t nervous, but he was. You could see it in his eyes. You kissed him, unbuttoning the last button of his shirt and sending that to the floor as well. Your fingers tangled in his hair and you allowed him to walk you backwards until the back of your knees hit your bed.

Instead of letting you fall onto the mattress, his arm wrapped around you and gently placed you against it. He climbed over you, his face just centimeters from yours.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” You gave him a smile and you arched into his touch once his lips found your neck. Your eyes fluttered closed once his teeth gently scraped against your skin. One of his hands trailed up and down your thigh, the action actually driving you crazy.

You felt your wetness begin to soak the material of your panties, something that hadn’t ever happened to you. You let out a quick moan when his tongue joined his lips on your neck. He let out his own sound in response.

His fingers trailed over the hem of your panties and you silently begged for him to continue. He did, slipping his hand under the material. He did so cautiously, feeling your fingernails dig into his shoulders when his finger traced over your slit.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice strained.

“Yes, I’m ready for you, Sehun, I promise.” You kissed him to reassure him, gasping against his lips when you felt his finger slowly enter you. You would’ve assumed that it was going to be uncomfortable, but once he started moving his finger inside you, you felt pleasure. A pleasure that you hadn’t felt in the longest time.

The fact that the man above you was Sehun increased your pleasure. He was everything to you. Your best friend, the man who helped you in every way he could.

He slid a second finger in along with his first, a shaky moan leaving your lips as he kept a steady pace. You could already feel something within you tightening. You let out small moans against Sehun’s lips, and he sped up a little bit.

When you hit your high, you arched your back and loud moan escaped your lips. At the sound, Sehun had stopped his lips against your neck, his breathing unsteady as he pulled his fingers out of you.

“It’s not too late to say no.” His voice was thick as he spoke to you.

“Sehun, I promise that I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable. I want you.” You cupped his cheek, running your thumb over his skin. His hand that still rested in your panties pushed them down your legs, leaving you to kick them off completely. His hands trailed behind your back to find the clasp of your bra.

He sat up on his knees to work on his belt buckle. Your eyes traveled down to the very evident bulge straining against the black pants he wore. You hadn’t meant to stare but when you realized Sehun’s hands had stopped moving, you looked up at his face.

“You’re making me nervous.” He whined, making you laugh.

“You act like I’ve never seen you naked before.” You scoffed.

“Yeah, that was like seven years ago and it was...different.” He sighed. “I wasn’t...hard.” He paused at the word with a small cringe and you started giggling.

“You act like it makes a difference whether you’re hard or not.” You groaned, grabbing a pillow to cover your eyes with it.

“It does, it’s bigger when it’s hard.” He was pouting, you could tell by the whininess of his voice. You fell silent as you heard the undoing of his belt and then the rustle of fabric. There was a dip in the bed and you knew he was over you again. He moved the pillow away from your face, the pout replaced with a soft look.

“How much bigger?” You couldn’t say it with a straight face, and you suddenly burst out laughing.

“Stop laughing at me!” He whined, but ultimately laughing with you. “You’re so lucky I love you.”

“That’s the first right thing I’ve heard come out of your mouth today.” You feigned a gasp, watching as he rolled his eyes. Your own eyes widened when you felt his tip press against you. Your body shifted but you weren’t uncomfortable.

“Are you completely sure you’re ready for this?” He asked.

“I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable, Sehun. You’d probably know before I did anyway.” You smiled reassuringly at him, he was the only one who was nervous. He leaned down and stopped just before his lips touched yours.

“Just remember that you can stop me whenever you want. And tell me if it hurts.” He kissed you gently and you felt pressure against your entrance. Your first instinct was to move away, and if the man above you was anyone other than Sehun, you would’ve. Instead, you spread your legs further and gripped him tighter.

Your breathing had already begun to pick up with his tip inside you. He slowly pushed his hips closer to yours, his eyes watching your face for any sign of discomfort. He buried himself inside you and still with no sign of discomfort, he sat there for a moment.

“How do you feel?” He asked, his voice shaky with what you could only assume was desire.

“Honestly?” You smiled at him. “I feel free.” You pulled him down to kiss him and you lifted your hips up. He gasped against your lips, shifting a bit in his attempt to make sure you were okay.

Despite the situation, the look on his face proved to you just how much he really cared for you. At your words, he was smiling. All he had ever wanted was to help you heal and that was exactly what he’d done.

“You can move, Sehun.” You chuckled. He nodded, slowly pulling his hips back to push against yours once more. The friction made you moan, everything about the way he filled you was right.

“I fucking love you so much.” He set a steady pace, one that wasn’t too much for you while still satisfying both of you. A thin sheet of sweat had already began to cover your skin. You never thought you’d be able to have sex again, that you’d be able to trust anyone enough ever again, but here he was - making you defy even your own logic.

“I love you more,” you replied easily, lifting your hips to meet his thrusts.

“Sorry, I don’t think that’s possible.” His lips traveled down to your neck, sucking and nipping at the skin. You wrapped your legs around his waist, long moans escaping both of you as he got deeper inside you.

There was an undeniable warmth spreading through you that sent pleasure all the way to the tips of your toes. There was a tight coil in your stomach ready to unravel and the way Sehun rubbed against your walls was making it easy to prepare for that moment.

“Sehun, I -”

“I know, I’m right here. Hold onto me.” He whispered, even though his voice had become heavy. You dug your nails into his shoulders as you prepared for what was about to happen to you.

You moaned louder than you had that night as your high hit you intensely. Your thighs shook and you lost control of your body as the pleasure consumed you. Just as you could make sense of your surroundings, you heard a low moan tumble from Sehun’s lips. He kissed you deeply before you felt his cum spill inside you.

You gasped at the sensation, finding it weird that you could enjoy it with him.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask if -”

“Sehun, calm down.” You were out of breath as you made him look at you. “I’ve enjoyed every moment we’ve spent together.” He smiled and kissed you softly before pulling out of you. He pulled the blankets over the two of you, throwing his arm over your waist.

You turned to face him, running your fingers through his hair.

“When I asked you how you felt, what did you mean by ‘free’?” He asked you.

“I finally feel like I have control over my life now. I feel free in my choice to love you.” You explained. “It’s hard to describe, but I would still be a wreck if I didn’t have you. You’ve set me free, Sehun.”

“Come here,” he pulled you close to his chest, “we both need rest.”

You had no trouble falling asleep in his arms.

When you woke up in the morning, Sehun was still sound asleep next to you. You smiled at his sleeping form as you remembered the night before. He’d been so gentle with you, so understanding - all because he was in love with you.

You quickly and carefully got out of your bed, going into your drawer for some clean panties before you grabbed his shirt off the floor, buttoning it over yourself. You went into your bathroom to brush your teeth before you walked into the kitchen.

You started your preparation of pancakes, hoping he wouldn’t wake up too early. He was still asleep when you finished the pancakes so you decided it was time to take things into your own hands.

You entered your bedroom, leaning against the doorframe once you saw him half awake in your bed.

“What kind of world did I save in my past life to deserve a sight like this?” He grinned, sitting up.

“I’m pretty sure you would’ve destroyed the world if you had the opportunity.” You teased him. “Come eat, I made pancakes.”

“You’re using food to bribe me out of bed, how unfair is that?” He faked a groan as he stood from the bed. You admired his butt as he found his boxers. He looked over his shoulder, almost like he knew you’d be watching.

He smirked at you and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. You waited until he’d found some sweatpants and a t-shirt of his to put on.

The two of you sat at your table eating breakfast before he brought it up.

“How long do you think you have to date someone before you get married?” He asked, nearly making you choke on your pancake.

“Oh, um, I don’t know.”

“C’mon, is it a few months? A year? A few years? Ten?” He tilted his head at you.

“I guess it depends on the people, you know? Everyone’s different.” You shrugged, hoping he would drop the topic.

“Us. I’m talking about us.” He said it easily. “I know it might not be the first thing on your mind but I’ve loved you for so long and I...really want to prove that to you.”

“You have proved that to me, Sehun, but I...can’t get married.”

“Why?” He frowned. You saw the hurt clearly on his face.

“Because I know you, and you’ll want children eventually and I...I can’t give you that.” You cleared your throat, feeling an old wound being reopened. He’d said it himself in court that no doctor believed you’d be able to have children.

“I know the things you can’t do, (Y/N), and if I cared about that, why would I bring up marriage? Bring our relationship this far? I’m in love with you, and I’m afraid that’s never gonna change. I’m not in this for what you can give me, I’m in this for you, I thought I’d proved that enough by now.” He reached across the table and touched your hand with his own. You felt the tears well in your eyes and you immediately shook your head.

“I’m sorry, you’ve done nothing but prove yourself and I’m being so unfair -”

“No you’re not, you’re still healing.” He defended you. “Some things take longer than others to heal. You might never heal from the fact that you can’t have children, but that doesn’t make me love you or want you any less. Just tell me how long you want to wait until you can marry me.”

Six months after your conversation, Sehun had begun to move into your apartment. The two of you were more than excited and you felt like you fell in love with him even more each day.

It had come to the point where Sehun spent more time at your apartment than his own, so you proposed that he moved in with you. He didn’t hesitate to say yes. Life had become easier for you to live the longer you spent time with him. He was still as gentle and sweet as he had been since the beginning.

He loved you and he was sure nothing would ever change that. It was thanks to Sehun that you could be yourself again. Of course, there were setbacks - there always was - but he still stayed strong and helped you through them.

Now you barely flinched when someone touched you randomly. You didn’t get scared when glass shattered. You were well enough that you and Sehun could have sex often. He had set you free and while sex didn’t seem like a big deal to most people, it required more than just trust on your part.

In every way, you loved him. You loved the way he laughed at the worst times, the way he held you when you needed him, even the way he (unfortunately) giggled whenever the word ‘penis’ was mentioned. Every time he laughed, you laughed whether you wanted to or not.

Sehun really was the one for you, and no matter how much you knew that, the fact that you’d never give him children was what held you back. Sehun had known, even from a young age, that he wanted children. What use did you have? What could you give him?

Nothing except for yourself.

And while he insisted that that was enough, you weren’t convinced.

That’s how the two of you ended up in your shared apartment, you once again rejecting his proposal, even if the first one hadn’t been proper. This time he had a ring, it sparkled beautifully in the light but you could never take away his chance at children.

“I don’t get it.” He breathed out. “I’ve been so patient with everything but this...I don’t want to wait for this.”

“I know, Sehun, I’m sorry, but I can’t.” You attempted to reason with him.

“Yes, you can, (Y/N), we’ve been over this. I don’t want children if I can’t have you, and if having you means no children, I’m fine with that. Why can’t you see what I’m saying?” He had never even shown the slightest bit of anger towards you until now.

“Because, I - every time that I think of marrying you, I think of children. When I think about children, I think about what he took from me. I don’t want to think about him for the rest of my life.” You felt your eyes well with tears and Sehun turned away from you.

“Why should you be punished for what he did to you?”

“Because I should’ve stopped him, Sehun, I should’ve gotten away when it first happened. I should’ve fucking gone to you before it got that bad. It-it’s my fault that this happened to me, so why should you be punished for my stupidity?” You shouldn’t have raised your voice at him, but when you saw his face drop into sadness, it was your turn to look away from him.

“Please don’t ever blame yourself.” His own voice was shaky, like he was on the verge of tears as well. “You weren’t stupid, (Y/N), you loved him. What he did to you...it’s not your fault. It never has been and it never will be. B-but we can put all of this behind us, we really can. If we get married, you’ll be doing the things he tried to prevent. Don’t let him win.”

Sehun’s words set in and you agreed.

You wouldn’t let him win.

You certainly didn’t let him win as you walked down the aisle to find Sehun waiting for you, a big smile on his face as he took in your appearance. You could tell he was nervous by the way his palms sweat, by the way he was shaking.

“You look beautiful.” He whispered to you, making a warm blush spread across your cheeks.

When Sehun read you his vows, you knew you’d never forget a single word that he said.

“I vow to always protect you, to always love you, and to always understand you. We have been through so, so much together, and I am absolutely in love with you. You were like a blessing when you first came into my life as you still are now. I remember when you were just seventeen years old, you always wondered who you would marry one day and I told you nobody because I was a dumbass seventeen year old boy. I realized that as you talked about marrying someone else, I could only think of marrying you. We have faced...so many hardships, too many to count, and you are the strongest woman I’ve ever known. And yes, I vow to love and protect and understand you, but my most important vow is that I will never hurt you, because to hurt you is to hurt myself.”

#sehun #sehun imagine #sehun angst #sehun fluff #sehun smut #sehun fic #exo sehun #exo imagine #exo #exo angst #exo fluff #exo smut #exo fic

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jetsnacks · 8 years ago

Text

Medics log

AHHH ok so as with most things I write I kinda went over board? This was just gonna be a little thing, maybe a few paragraphs, but I got really into writing the character so it’s pretty long!! I hope it’s not too ooc, I’m pretty out of it right now so I’m not sure how well I really represented the character… but I hope you like it!! Also I know some of the details about rank labels/titles are incorrect, but I don’t have the spoons to go on a bender looking for obscure Star Trek trivia right now… also it wouldn’t make sense for them to use last names so I just switched it to first. I’m using Alex as a placeholder name for anx, since we don’t know his real name yet. Expect some poly sanders in the future, and it’s there if you squint, but Im keeping it ambiguous… for now 👀 @obviouslyelementary @inalandofmythandtimeofmagic TRIGGER WARNINGS- Blood, wound mentions, death mention (very brief, and no character actually dies), insect mention, reptiles, medical operations, sarcasm.

Medics log. Stardate…. who cares. First medical officer Alex reporting.

I have another excitement filled report about how I am trapped on a ship full of idiots! I really… really wish it was less exiting. Do you know what alien garbage monster I got to pull out of a flesh wound today? A lizard. First Officer Logan will tell you it’s a flagogis- flagogas- whatever, but it looks like a lizard, eats bugs like a lizard, and tried to bite me, so it’s a lizard. Unsurprisingly, the idiot it was attached to was our chief engineer. Just like the man-eating plant last week. And the spider thing the week before that. And the- you know what. It’s in the record. I’m not going over it again.

Look. This is why I don’t go planet side anymore. And why I didn’t go into space before that! Yes, lets fling Alex into a depressing, deadly vacuum on a tin can maintained by and emotional baby, flown by an egomaniac, and run by a teacher pet! Great idea, star fleet! A++ thinking there, pal! What’s that, can’t come back for five years? Good! Just what the doctor ordered! Except it isn’t! Because I’m the doctor! And this was exactly the opposite of what I wanted! … Speaking of being a doctor. I should actually finish my report… Initial surveys of the planet informed that while potentially dangerous, it had the appropriate level of oxygen for a planet side mission. Since it didn’t seem to have any established sentient life, Captain ‘Operatic’ sent an away team of First Officer Logan, Ensign Adams, (who would have been much more useful in the med bay as a nurse, instead of where they are now, in the med bay as a patient, but I’m just the guy keeping you from dying so who cares what I say,) and Chief Engineer… I Still don’t know his name. I looked at his file. It literally says Officer Dad. I have no idea how he did it. Anyways. I did my best to tell Captain Romance that that was a horrible idea, this was a horrible planet, and that it would be much better to fly off into the distance to the nearest alliance base and have them run at least five more scans on the local wildlife. Yknow. Or however many scans it takes to convince me that nothing that lives on that planet will be living on, in, or around my crew when we leave. That reminds me. The lizard is fine. The idiot I pulled it out of insisted I name it. I told him it’s name is lizard. He suggested Brian, and kept making puppy dog eyes at me… Brian is a stupid name. I’m calling him Harold. But only because he tried to bite the captain. Nothing else… and no one needs to know that. These logs are private until the end of the mission. And I will have run away and become an alien goat herd by then. Probably.

Right. Back to the disaster of the hour. First Officer Logan got the Captain on his side, through “sound reasoning”. Sure. If that’s what you call having someone wrapped so tightly around your finger that it cuts off blood flow. He gets so dorky about new ecosystems. I generally get stuck on the “could kill you” thing. Bit of a deal breaker for me. But not the Captain. His deal breaker was that there was no possibility of a heroic rescue of attractive alien species that no man has ever romanced before! God. He could break the prime directive 8 times just by looking at it. Speaking of breaks… (great morbid segway there, Alex, how very cheerful of me…)

To summarize the mission ended predictably; with about eleven stitches to the chief of engineering’s leg who I am not calling 'dad’ unless by gun point. Then I’d consider it. Maybe. Luckily ensign Adams only has a mild concussion. I’ll keep an eye on him for a few days, the put him back to work. The engineering team better have a good back up, because I’m keeping Officer Idiot here to see if any of the lizard bites are poisonous. My initial scans didn’t find anything recognizable, but I’m nothing if not thorough…

I’m also putting in a request to pull him from planet side duty. The way today went… he could have died. He knew it, too. I’m pretty blunt about those things, and even he knew that a wound that big means trouble. But he just kept… talking… to the lizard. Trying to keep it from being scared. Of course it was scared… hell, I was scared. He should have been freaking out too. But he kept coaxing it, calling it nicknames, trying to tell it everything would be ok… *ahem* The point is, he’s going to get himself killed. And we need the ship to keep running. So. I medically recommend that Officer…. “Dad”… not be reinstated for active duty planet side… no matter how many times he says please. Head Medical Officer Alex, signing off. -click-

#long post//#jetwrites #sanders sides fic #Star Trek au

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trujillostanley91 · 5 years ago

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#Bacterial Vaginosis Home Remedies Cider Vinegar Sublime Tricks #When Does Bacterial Vaginosis Dischar

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cryptobully-blog · 7 years ago

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Bitcoin Gloom? Cheer Up People. Things Are Moving Forward!

http://cryptobully.com/bitcoin-gloom-cheer-up-people-things-are-moving-forward/

Bitcoin Gloom? Cheer Up People. Things Are Moving Forward!

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Join our community of 10 000 traders on Hacked.com for just $39 per month.

Apparently the community sentiment towards cryptocurrencies is darkening, yet again, due to the recent price drops. The culprit behind these massive sell orders? You already know the answer, Mt. Gox creditor.

Google trends quickly show how the community is reacting to the recent events: people’s interest is as low as it was in May 2017. Pretty damn darn, isn’t it?

If you’re foraging for the slightest light of hope, let me help you: today we’ll focus on the good things, for a change. Forget price, forget volume and forget trading. Today none of it matters, as I’m here to tell you how far cryptocurrencies have come and what they’ll potentially enable in the not-so-distant future.

Please, enjoy the ride!

— this article is not financial advisement, simply my opinion and thoughts. Most of my personal savings are in some form of cryptocurrency so please take whatever I say with a grain of salt. Do not invest what you cannot afford to lose–

Technology

There are a couple of points we need to discuss regarding recent developments in the cryptocurrencies world, mainly in bitcoin and the blockchain but not solely, which can trigger a new wave of adoption not only from people in general but also by businesses and governments.

For bitcoin and its blockchain, we can mention the two most important recent developments, being debated by many great minds everywhere:

(a) Segwit adoption: with the successful softfork that happened during August 2017, which implemented segregated witnessing, it became possible to incorporate more transactions in each block as the transactions became smaller. The problem was that segwit wasn’t being adopted worldwide as the transition which had to be made by mining companies and corporate businesses (exchanges for example), was a manual activation. So businesses waited until segwit was proven to be secure and only then activation would happen. There is another version that says activation didn’t happen sooner as the overall fees will decrease for mining companies. How is segwit adoption looking over the last 30 days, at the moment of writing? Take your own conclusions!

http://segwit.party/charts/#

(it already more than doubled. Couldn’t resist, sorry)

(b) The Lightning Network (LN): we can finally say it’s going live! It already has more than 1500 nodes connected in the testnet and people have already been making real transactions despite the warnings (I love these folk. They’re the real deal). A recent announcement came this week stating it will finally move onto the first mainnet.

https://explorer.acinq.co/#/

Now Lightning Labs, the company behind the original development, is moving to the production environment, meaning, you will have the option to use off-chain payment channels to do transactions. You can now setup a lighting node, which will re-route payments to other nodes, and get paid to do that. Or you can simply start using it as a final consumer, who wishes to send money to another peer, or maybe make a payment to a business; you can count on escrow payments to be immediately implemented and used. Fees paid will decrease exponentially as miners will only register and validate final balances from the off-chain channels onto the blockchain.

I can’t wait for this to go Live, I’m so excited!

But if you think great technology developments stop on bitcoin and the blockchain, oh boy you’re in for a treat!

Other projects have surfaced and past ICOs are starting to bear some of the fruits. I will mention the four I consider top contenders to become massively adopted (I may be massively wrong, please beware):

1. Ethereum: Obviously the most famous project just after bitcoin and for a good reason. Not only is moving into PoS (although PoW will remain working) with its latest close-to-be Casper upgrade which is already being tested. Congratulations to the team, it seems they’re managing to pull out a rabbit out of a hat, this is, moving from one consensus algorithm to another isn’t an easy accomplishment, I guarantee you. Not only it’s improving its own network but due to the many projects around the ethereum protocol, it’s gaining loads of momentum. Let’s discuss some of them:

The Raiden Network: it works more or less as the ethereum’s LN. In a recent update they’ve shown how it is possible to do machine-to-machine payments and implement smart-contracts in IoT devices, so that people can interact with them. You really need to watch this talk (if you’re not patient start on minute 10:30). Loredana, one of the main developers, did a great job when presenting the latest developments.

Modum: this team is building an inter-connected supply-chain for big businesses. They’re working closely with the Pharma industry and already starting to show progress, as Thilo told me when we spoke over email. I would advise you to pay close attention to this project, as it can become one of the best if correctly implemented.

OmiseGo: another project with the touch of Vitalik, the founder of Ethereum. OmiseGo are developing a decentralized off-chain payment solution, to make it easy for people to exchange value over the ethereum network. It seems to be going quite well, as the team is making loads of new announcements and have a quite interesting roadmap laid out for this year.

Golem: although it has its own network to monetize computer resources of people connected to it, it uses the ethereum network for payments. They’ve released Brass in the testnet, a CGI super-computer rendering tool that allows designers and artists to quickly render their projects, for a considerably cheaper price than regular rendering farms. Absolutely epic in my opinion, how economic incentives are correctly applied.

2. Cardano: I know they’re still building their own protocol, but honestly the way they’re doing it already deserves its due credit. The idea is to have a fully decentralized protocol that works with PoS and it is easily scalable, even though it integrates smart-contracts. The IOHK team behind Cardano and Ethereum Classic is quite extensive in both knowledge and people. Look at the first Cardano wallet released last year, the Daedalos, which is quite robust and hasn’t had any major problems. The academic approach by the team is brilliant as they participate in many conferences and peer-review their papers. I personally love this project, especially due to the amount of activity and commits on github. Compare it to 90% of any other project and see the difference for yourself.

Cardano wallet vs IOTA wallet on github

3. IOTA/Circle: Im mentioning both IOTA and Circle, as although I originally was more pro-IOTA, due to the recent issues with the wallet and the lack of clear response by the development team – and also because of that Microsoft partnership ordeal a few months ago – I started looking at alternative DAG projects, like Circle. Both have the same principal, just different teams and approaches. IOTA has been a great project to pave the way for other DAG currencies to appear, like Circle. David is the smart mind behind the first attempt to implement a feeless network. Hopefully both will improve along time and even each other, as we see so many of these projects using cool ideas, concepts and features from different projects and sources. The openness of the field is driving innovation forward in a much faster pace. I hope I’m wrong about IOTA and the problems get fixed. They’re still in a testnet, guided by the founding team, so I’m expecting to be put to my place in just a few months as more improvements, nodes and people join the network.

4. Monero: the first widely adopted privacy coin is still very much at play and recent announcements make me believe the technology and team are moving development forward. This makes sense for businesses, governments and people who do not wish to have all their transaction history available for the world to see. I understand privacy and I do not associate it to crimes or shady deeds. People are entitled to doing whatever they want with their money, as long as it is legal right?

–on a side note, I did not mention many amazing projects like Neo, Stellar, Upfiring, Status, Santiment, WingsDAO, Monaco or ClearPoll for example–

USABILITY

The most important feature of cryptocurrency will be usability, this is, when it becomes as easy to use as bank cards nowadays, things will definitely flip.

This is how I see it going (danger: pure speculation ahead).

Regulators and Governments attack cryptocurrency and ICOs as it is an unlawful way of raising money;

It fails and cryptocurrency bounces back, as it has happened during the last couple of years;

Banks, Financial institutions and Payments companies attack cryptocurrency as a whole, estimating it is only used for criminal purposes and money laundry;

People and companies ignore all the warnings as fees become much lower than traditional banking ones;

Previous ICOs will continue to grow and expand its networks to the point traditional companies cannot compete with the new utility and securities business models;

Governments and regulators start to adapt and produce new regulation that fosters cryptocurrency growth, as a new way to attract businesses and talent;

People start to trust cryptocurrencies more and more, as more projects start to yield results. The losses on bad investments and scams will lower because:

(a) People become smarter and won’t fall for basic schemes that easily (learning-by-doing).

(b) Regulators adapt new regulation to meet criteria that takes into account the digital and transparent nature of many cryptocurrency projects (Government protection).

Again, am I being too naive?

Maybe, but this is truly what I think will happen eventually. Price fluctuations will become a normal thing, as people start to understand the value of everything is whatever the market determines, including money. When people say governments won’t have the power to control the currency, they forget even governments can (and should) create their own cryptocurrencies with specific monetary incentives. Want people in your country to use the currency you issue? Easy, just make sure it has a purpose and utility, meaning, people shouldn’t be obliged to use the currency governments decide to accept, but rather the currency that is most convenient to them. Also, if governments want to have more say and control over the total supply of cryptocurrency, let’s say bitcoin, they can go to the markets and buy bitcoin. As simple as that.

As a last piece of advice I would like to leave you with some great people you can follow. Check their content on youtube, medium, steemit and twitter as it will help you becoming a better investor and understand in-depth how this technology works. The only way to ease your mind when prices drop is by having accumulated knowledge on how this technology works, how it will change the world and how there’s no stopping it.

Please do check the below sources and I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me:

Hacked,

Andreas Antonopoulos,

Ivan on Tech,

Boximing,

Coin Mastery,

Data Dash,

Richard Hart,

Jimmy Song,

Vitalik Buterin,

Charles Hoskinson,

Dan Larimar,

David Sonstebo,

Crypto Investor,

Alessio Rastani,

They call me Dan.

Let me know what you think in the comments section.

Remember, the force will be with you. Always.

CryptoCoins News

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