#in the end it's going to be the team above else except for the blame that's always pinned to the driver

[livetogether--diealone]

everyone hyped up about the italian sport newspaper frontpages praising lewis while i'm sitting here eating my own hand scared because I know that lewis or charles is going to be buried by the same ones at the first change of wind

[softtdaisy]

when hearts find their way / Aaron Hotchner

summary. if Hotch decided to break up with you to protect you, he regrets it anytime he looks at you. And he looks at you a lot.

words count. 2,443

a/n. just a short story, she said, just to start writing again. And here comes my first Hotch fic with more than 2k words. It's a first, I hope you'll like and well...I'll write something happier another day (it has a good ending I promise)

criminal minds masterlist | F1 masterlist | general masterlist | request

Hotch wished he could stop looking at you.

It wasn’t like he needed to focus on you right now. Not outside the office. Not at Rossi’s party to celebrate another year as a completely alive team. Not when you’re clearly out of danger.

Well, except if he counted Emily’s and JJ’s drinking with you more than usual. 

But that wasn’t a real danger. Especially when there were plenty of people not drinking tonight to make sure everyone will go back home safe. Including Reid. Including himself.

However, Hotch was incapable of putting his eyes away from you.

Too scared there might be an unknown treat around here. Too scared you might disappear if he dared look away. Too scared you might find somebody else to end the night.

That was the scariest thought above all. 

He clinched on his drink harder, blaming himself for being so stupidly attached to someone he shouldn’t. Someone he already told no before. 

“And I thought we locked up Hotch in the office to get Aaron tonight,” Rossi said, standing next to him. Hotch let out a small and single amused sigh. He took the risk of closing his eyes for a second. When he opened them again, you were still there. Thankfully.

“I’m fully here, David.” he answered, turning to his friend who looked more than amused by the situation. There was one problem with being close with your coworker: when their work is to analyze people, you can be sure they will do it with you too. “Having fun?”

“More than you I guess.” Hotch opened his mouth to respond to it but didn’t get the time before Rossi put his hand up. “Or your level of fun is watching over her?” 

Was he that obvious? Technically, he had been standing alone in the corner of the room for a few minutes now. “I’m not watching over her.” Of course, it didn’t convince Rossi. Worse, it made him laugh. 

“Oh you clearly are, Aaron. I know you’re not a man of many words but you should consider that speaking is better than stalking.” 

He sighed, taking another slip of his drink. “Would you stop, please?” 

But Hotch had to be honest. Because he did take profit of the silence and the small break Rossi was giving him to take another look. He saw you dancing with Morgan. The first thing that came to his mind was that he was safe.

Safe from what, you idiot? It’s not like he had any right to be jealous or possessive. Or even protective. You weren’t his. And it was his fault. 

Hotch could never forget how your expression went from desire, the need to kiss every single piece of face, to the sadness and the anger of being rejected. “We shouldn't do that.” He heard himself say. Four stupid words. Four stabs right into your heart. 

“I’ll give you some advice.” Rossi said to interrupt his thoughts. And Hotch gave up, fully concentrating on whatever he had to say to prevent himself from reliving the night that ruined everything. 

“Either you talk to her and make a move. Or you leave her alone. But stop playing with that girl's heart and mind.”

“You say that like she cares.” He knew that by saying that, he was admitting there was more than a professional conflict between you. Not that anyone in this house was even believing that it was only professional. You don’t look at a member of your team like they were the loss of your life. Not the biggest, but close.

“Oh she does.” Rossi said, looking at you. So did Hotch. And for the first time tonight, he caught your eyes on him. Just for a second before you noticed and went back to your discussion with Emily. But it was enough for him.

__

Later that night, Hotch learnt that Rossi wasn’t the only one aware that something was going between you two.

He was one of the first to sit at the table, in front of JJ. They talked for a few minutes and more members of the team started to join. Until JJ got up suddenly and called your name. “Please, take my seat.”

“What? Why?” you replied, confused at the offer when there were still some places available at the end of the table. You didn’t take the time to look at JJ’s seat, next to who she was. It was like she gave you the time too anyway.

As soon as you approached, she put both hands on your shoulder to make you sit. “It will be easier to check on Henry if at the head of the table.” she replied, putting a kiss on your hair before leaving you still very confused. For a few seconds.

Until you looked up and met those brown eyes that you started to know by heart until they became a mystery again. 

“Very subtle, Jennifer.” you sighed. But you weren’t mad. Not at her for reading you and trying to help you. And neither at Hotch. You could tell from the little frowning, because everything was always little when it comes to expressing himself -but thankfully not little on other things-, that he was as confused as you are.

You saw him lean closer to you, his hands on the table to stay stable. And you did the same to hear him. “I didn’t…it’s not…”

You could restrain the smile on your face. You could blame it on the alcohol to not accept it. But it was a genuine reaction to him, opening himself to you. A little. “I know.” you replied, naturally putting your hand on top of his. 

When Hotch freezed at your contact, you assumed you went too far. Again. And immediately take your hand off, lean back on your chair and start a new conversation with Reid to avoid your boss.

When Hotch freezed at your contact, he actually was just thrown back to weeks earlier when you couldn’t stop touching him. And for a brief second, he remembered how good it felt to be appreciated. 

Sadly, it didn’t last long. Because he was incapable of keeping people he loved in his life.

Most of the dinner was bittersweet for Hotch.

The team was loud and most of you laughed so hard you had a stomach ache. And the food was so nice that Emily asked multiple times if Rossi was sure he couldn’t adopt her. The answer sadly stayed no.

And Hotch would lie saying he didn’t have a good time. 

But he would also lie if he said your lack of interaction didn’t hurt him.

He noticed how you always make sure to not meet his eyes when he couldn’t stop looking at you. With the way the candle’s light was dancing on your face, he felt like discovering your traits again. 

Or how you only responded when he talked to you directly. Which he stopped after a few tries.

Hotch wasn’t the only one noticing that. None of the team felt like stepping in a story they didn’t know. Even if they heart felt for their boss who felt disarmed for the first time -at least, for them. And for you, because you had your reasons to act like that.

But in the end, they did step in. Without meaning to.

When the party came to an end, they all started to organize the ride back home. JJ jumped into Reid’s car while Morgan brought Emily back to her place. Everybody left slowly. 

Until there was you.

And Hotch.

“Of course.” you mumbled when you saw him and Rossi talking in the hallway. They didn’t notice you yet and you took the opportunity to watch the man that broke your heart. Because you had to be honest, Aaron still held a special place in your heart. He looked so good tonight and especially right now, with his shirt more unbuttoned than before and his jacket laying on his arm. You loved his hair a little less styled after many hours or how his eyes looked more glassy from the wine and the fatigue. 

You loved many things about that man. Which made the heartbreak even more difficult to accept. 

“Oh, you’re here.” Rossi noticed you and opened his arm to add you in the conversation. “Hope you enjoyed the evening.”

“It was perfect David, thank you.” you replied with a genuine smile that created the exact same one on Hotch. When you turned to him, he was surprised that your smile didn’t drop. “Can we go?” you asked and he simply nodded.

“I’m sorry.” Hotch said once you were both sitting in the car. “I didn’t plan this.” 

If you had any doubt that it wasn’t his fault, you were now sure that he wasn’t the thinker of this situation. From the way he couldn’t look at you or how his hands were shaking before he put them on the wheel. “I know.” 

Without a surprise, the ride was calm. Hotch was a silent driver, focusing on the road and the music coming from the radio for a low volume. And you appreciated that. You did back then when you saw each other because it was peaceful. You still did. How ironic that the ride to your place felt more like home than the idea of going to your own apartment.

It was a memory of a better time. Of coming home from cases with Aaron, going to your place because it was more serene to him than his silent home. The only thing missing was his hand grabbing yours now and then during the drive. Multiple times, Hotch actually started to move his hand before remembering he couldn’t do that no more. 

When he finally parked, you turned to him to thank him. Even, maybe, probably, apologizing for your attitude tonight. But he spoke before you.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

You frowned. “Driving me home? I mean, Rossi could have given a room for the night but I really appreciate you dri…”

“Breaking up with you.”

The silence came back. Because you didn’t know what to answer. Sure, he shouldn't have done that.

Aaron shouldn’t have looked at you after spending another night with you. Not after sharing a hotel room with you in San Francisco during all the cases. Not after making love every single night that week there to forget about the atrocity of the world outside. To feel loved. To give love. 

Not after making you believe that this could become a routine. Something normal. Something real. Something that he thought could become real too.

No, he shouldn’t have looked at you from where you were laying: on your bed, still naked under the sheet. While he was putting on his shirt from yesterday. And said “We shouldn’t do that.” Four words. Not more. Not an explanation because of course Aaron Hotchner didn’t have to explain himself. He was the boss, after all. 

And you were so mad that morning, knowing that this could come but believing it wouldn’t, that you didn’t ask for more. You only gave him an emotionless “ok”.

“After San Francisco,” Aaron started, “I got scared. Because I’m your boss. Because this felt natural. I really wanted this to continue, but at what cost? Too many scenarios came to me during the flight back. What if something happened to you during a case. What if we break up and we can’t work together properly. What if someone finds out. Who should leave, you or me? And you knew I was being selfish because if that happened, I know people above would make sure I wasn’t the one fired.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was your heart, but when he looked at you after opening his heart to you like that, more than ever before, you felt the tears coming. Because for the first time since the break up, you were able to stop this idea of an arrogant Hotch that took what he could and threw the rest away. You saw again the Aaron that you fell in love with: the broken man that was trying his best to breathe and find happiness again. 

“In any scenario, I lose you. I stupidly believe that having control over that loss would be easier. But it’s even harder to know I broke your heart and mine at the same time and couldn't do anything to fix them.” 

“But why…” you said softly, moving a little closer to him. “Why imagine and accept the worst when everything was great?”

“Because life has always been difficult and I stopped believing good things could happen to a man like me.” he let out a sad laugh. “I lost my wife, I didn’t know how to be a good dad to my son, I sometimes feel overwhelmed and incapable of doing my job right. Why would things be great with you?” 

It was a genuine question. Aaron felt like happiness was an unknown concept in his life. Anytime something good happened, something bad came right after. He couldn’t even appreciate the soft hand you put on his cheek now.

“Because you deserve to be happy, Aaron.” you whispered. He let you put your forehead against his. You remembered how it appeased him back then. “Please, stop rejecting the ones that want to love you. We are here for you.”

“We?”

“There still can be a us if you want to.” 

Aaron closed his eyes. He needed to think about that. He wanted you. He wanted to give himself to you. But it meant fighting against his fears. Can he be strong enough for you? Like you could read his mind, you added “We can fight together.” 

Slowly, he brought a hand to your neck to have you even closer and to kiss you. A soft, sweet and small kiss on your lips. A promise that he couldn’t say outloud but he wanted you to understand. Sure, Aaron needed love. But he needed someone willing to fight against the world with him and for him. 

“You know, things could have been a little easier if you told me that instead of breaking up with me when I was naked.” you said against his lips which made him laugh. 

“Would you accept compensation for that moment?”

“I have all night, all day and all my life for you.”

Holding hands, you brought Aaron back to the place he felt the more at peace these past years. But in all honesty, he started to think that maybe any place with you would be a peaceful one. 

[krashlite]

Again, if you found this before the Start Post or TIES’ post, go back and read! I’m going through and analyzing the matching wounds for each LimL alliance

Continuing off of TIES’ section; they all had a shaky past with Bdubs, so it’s really no surprise they ended up in conflict with the Clockers

But speaking of the Clockers, let’s look at them next. For the Clockers, all three of them have issues with day 1 crews, on how they focus on this randomized group above all else. Except they have different issues regarding it

There was a lot of Bdubs slander in the TIES section so let’s start with him. I’ve already mentioned that he’s very headstrong, but he Is well meaning. For the Crastle, he was acting in defense of Cleo and everyone who sought shelter in their walls. For the snow fort, he was acting in defense of Etho, seeing team BEST as a conduit for this. In DL he poured his heart and soul into his alliance with Impulse. The connection with these three is also shown symbolically- remember, it’s canon that he was married to all three in their respective seasons! His loyalties lay with them above all else, and everything he did was always done For Them

(And yes, the marriage thing makes it Hella Weird with LimL introducing family dynamics. Personally, I go chronologically with things. If the marriage was introduced Before the family dynamics, the marriage is what I go with. If the family dynamics were introduced Before the marriage, the family dynamics are what I go with. It’s not perfect, especially with SL calling back to LimL, but moving on)

But with him pouring everything into defending his One Person, he has a bad habit of either disregarding or outright hurting other allies. In his mind, once they’ve become a threat, they will always Be a threat to him and his One Person.

In 3L, I would argue the firing squad wasn’t about the helmet, but about Dare to Flare, the deadly minigame Tango had set up as a loophole for murder. Bdubs thought the lesson would be learned and Tango would just. Go back to being their ally, but he didn’t see that he’d just pushed Tango away. Bdubs was also quick to catch that Impulse was playing all sides, losing his trust in him even as Cleo wanted to keep Impulse as a double agent.

Bdubs went along with it for her, the same way he went along with other alliances that Cleo had decided to negotiate. But when Cleo was gone before him, he was completely lost! The moments after Cleo’s death are honestly HARROWING from Bdubs’s point of view. One moment they’re talking, the next Cleo is attacking Ren and is struck down. Bdubs is surrounded, he is alone, and is made to understand that nobody is coming to save him, not even Impulse, who was present for this! I think a part of him blames Impulse specifically for Cleo’s death, with Impulse failing to act against Dogwarts in that moment. It’s irrational as hell but that’s where he’s at. Impulse was playing all sides and, in Bdubs’ mind, had just cost him the One Person Bdubs truly cared about

So again, OF COURSE he turned on Impulse!! He had zero reason to trust him!!

In LL things got oh so much more complicated. I don’t think Bdubs ever intended to be a part of a larger group, he only intended to be with Etho. So he was Mainly tolerating Tango and Skizz so long as 1) they helped the overall group and 2) Etho wanted to stay. Except Tango and Skizz were clumsy on missions and had issues communicating with him and Etho, who were very close and had an easier time planning and communicating. Etho’s lighthearted jabs at this turned sharper through Bdubs’ comments and actions. I think Bdubs was frustrated with being put in the same situation he was in last season- having to stay with an alliance he Did Not Want for the sake of his One Person, and his comments/actions reflect that

He was willing to see them die and use them for Lives for the overall group, but he wasn’t willing to let Etho go down- which is again seen in the Wither fight. It’s also seen in his final death, with him turning on his fellow Reds since he thought it meant he could make it back to Etho’s side

Then in DL, he doesn’t learn his lesson! He only doubles down, making it clear to Impulse where his loyalties lie. Bdubs Only Cares About Impulse, and they’re more than willing to watch the world burn as a unit. Bdubs wanting them to be home wreckers also serves as him putting his foot down- refusing to be a part of alliances he doesn’t like. I don’t think they had any allies this season aside from one another, which honestly worked perfectly for them in DL!! Bdubs was able to fulfill a role that came naturally to him and Impulse didn’t have to worry about the stress of maintaining a larger group

And it’s because they worked so well together that Bdubs can’t wrap his head around the idea that He Killed Impulse. Bdubs knows that he would never, EVER, do something like that to his One Person, so Impulse asking for an apology in LimL comes as a complete shock to him.

And I think it’s something that affects LimL for him as a whole, but also ties back to the setting. Again, it’s made clear that Nobody is surviving this, so it would be pointless for Bdubs to act in defense of his One Person. With him being unable to focus on this as his motivation, he’s forced to focus on a group, on the Clockers (HOWEVER he still has his devastating connection to Etho and that’s not going away anytime soon). This also forces him to confront the issues that caused previous teams to fail

And I’d argue Cleo’s in a very similar spot as him

Cleo’s loyalties had always been her day 1 crew, with her standing by them regardless of what happened. They belonged to the group and the group belonged to them as equals. If the ship was going down, then goddamnit Cleo would go down with it, which is especially seen in 3L with her attacking Ren. Cleo wanted to be done with this war and this entire conflict and thought that if they just struck now, if they just killed Ren, their issues would be over. Remember, the Crastle’s main conflict was regarding Dogwarts! Cleo didn’t know who to trust because Impulse was always acting all buddy-buddy with the red banners and Tango was off doing his own thing.

I think this is also why Cleo ran off to Scott as a backup alliance before then- Scott presents himself as being a safe person, someone who stays out of conflict but defends himself when needed. Cleo needed that backup alliance for reassurance, since it was clear that Bdubs was likely going to die before her. Not only that but the aforementioned trust issues with the rest of her party. (And yes! This is a contradiction of them “going down with the ship,” we call that a Character Flaw)

Except that plan falls through when Scott dies, by Ren’s hand no less, and Cleo’s right back in the scenario they’d been in before. They’re right back to wondering when the other shoe was going to drop

So them attacking Ren was a moment of frustration, wanting clarity and lashing out against the source of her problems; Ren

Except this act is what did Cleo in, and she never really got to see where any of them stood. Well, except for Bdubs but I already discussed him At Length

LL was again, an ENTIRE mess for Cleo. The whole gimmick in LL was there to make people distrust the people around them, and BOY HOWDY did Cleo distrust people! She was never fully sold on the Fairy Fort but thought that if they just stayed together, then they’d be able to defend each other- strength in numbers! Really, BigB was the only person that Cleo fully trusted, with them having their own separate base together and Cleo going to BigB when she didn’t trust the rest of the group.

Again, she values her day 1 ally above all else, and in this season that was BigB. They stood together as equals, even with Lizzie and Ren at their side.

Which makes it all the more heartbreaking when BigB turned on her, because she would never, EVER do the same to him. They were equals, it was them against the world and BigB had just gone against that bond. Cleo also refuses to emphasize with his perspective because of the fact that BigB had AMPLE opportunity to tell Cleo he was cursed, but he just Didn’t. She trusted him, she trusted the fort, and she would never make that same mistake twice

Cleo once again retreated to Scott. He and Pearl welcomed her with open arms and provided what stability they could for her, considering Cleo was flirting with death every other episode. They also helped Cleo get her revenge, making it abundantly clear that they stood With Her. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, both of them told her when they were the boogeyman. There were Zero secrets between the three of them and Cleo was never given a reason to question their loyalty. Communication is key!

And here’s where things flip. Cleo goes from supporting her day 1 crew above all else, to the understanding that a day 1 crew isn’t a guarantee. Said crew has only ever caused her problems, and Cleo only ever found stability with her second option

So when DL rolls around, Cleo’s left in a weird spot. Their day 1 ally is the one person who was ever stable for them, Scott, with her designated ally, Martyn, causing problems right off the bat. Except Martyn isn’t the only one that brings trouble for them, with Pearl being a near constant threat to her and Scott. Both her first option, And her backup are causing problems. So now it’s not a question of who’s loyal to her, but who she wants to align herself with.

And Cleo Doesn’t Know. She stays with Scott for the most part, but is also willing to hear Martyn out as he makes a fool of himself trying to get her back. But I think the main thing that draws Cleo back to Martyn is the fact that they’re linked- that if Martyn hurts her, he hurts himself. That’s a reassurance Cleo doesn’t get with Scott as an ally, and ultimately what drives their decision to turn against Scott in the finale

So in case you didn’t catch it- the similarity for Bdubs and Cleo is specific to their tie to their One Person/day 1 alliance. They’re willing to do Everything for this person/group but are consistently either harmed or causing harm through that connection. For Cleo it causes her to be paranoid but for Bdubs it makes him double down on that loyalty. They end up balancing each other out in LimL, but what about Scar?

For Scar, he ONLY has his day 1 ally and no one else. This was quickly established for him in 3L, with Grian being the only person to consistently stand by him. Scar didn’t see this as a part of their agreement, he saw this as a decision Grian made over and over again. This is even expressed in his speech at the end of 3L, with Scar offering his life to Grian in return for everything he’d done to keep Scar alive. They started out together, and they would ultimately die together. And, most importantly, Scar didn’t have anyone else to turn to. It was made abundantly clear that nobody else would take him in, both with Grian being the only person to attempt an alliance at the start and with Scar being put on his red name so early on. Scar ultimately decides that if people aren’t with him through fate, they will never stand by him, and he’s fine with it! At first

Scar goes into LL with the same expectation, that his team would stay together until the bitter end and everyone else is against him. Except Joel is extremely quick to go down to red, an alliance that Scar is never really able to salvage. This leaves Scar alone, and he accepts this as an immediate Fact. He doesn’t see the point in reaching out to anyone, opting instead for scams and empty threats, the same tactic that worked so well for him last time.

And that sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, with him turning away potential allies through his actions. He thought he’d end up alone and created a scenario where he Was Alone. Really, this only serves to reinforce the idea that he will always end up on his own

Enter; DL

This season HEAVILY reinforced his previous mindset, but it also gave him a reason to fight against it. Scar didn’t Have a day 1 alliance, he was fully willing to base alone and to be without a soulmate. Except Grian comes along to drag him into an alliance

And this mirrors 3L to a T but it ALSO flips their dynamic. Grian wasn’t following Scar’s lead, Scar was following his. From his perspective, Scar was the one doing whatever he could to maintain them, and Grian was the one endangering himself. Again, this is opposed to 3L when Scar was endangering himself and Grian was doing everything he could to maintain them

Except Grian does nothing but sabotage their relationship. I think the flipped roles here kind of forces Scar to realize “oh, I’m not destined to be alone, I push people away.” But there’s also an added layer on top of that- Grian doesn’t respect him.

I’ve mentioned that little tidbit in other posts, but Scar really isn’t respected this season! 3L he was respected as a threat, LL he lost that respect through the travelling salesman bit, and DL puts him in a weird spot. He’s respected as a Loose Cannon but isn’t respected as his own person- as in people have a reason to be wary of him but don’t consider his opinions on plans and other things

So going into LimL, Scar’s fully expecting the same treatment and is more or less blindsided by how supportive the Clockers were. His day 1 crew stuck with him!! Not day 1 Ally, day 1 CREW. He finally had a group that stood with him

Somewhat unrelated but I think it’s also important to note that Scar doesn’t expect to survive in Any season. He’s operating under the assumption that death is imminent, wanting to live a life of fun and luxury in what time he still has. In other words, he’s staring with the worldview that’s taught in LimL!! It’s challenged repeatedly but keeps getting reinforced

But to recap; the three of them value their day 1 ally above all else, and are lost without said ally. Bdubs doesn’t know what to do with himself if he doesn’t have his One Person, Cleo becomes paranoid if their day 1 ally is distrustful, and Scar typically doesn’t form connections with Anyone if he doesn’t have a day 1 ally.

But on top of that, Bdubs and Scar are usually following in their teams. Bdubs is headstrong, but ultimately lives to support his One Person. Scar comes up with plans, but doesn’t necessarily want to be in a leadership position. Cleo, on the other hand, does very well in leadership positions because it gives her more control over what’s going on around her. Leading takes away the unpredictability that would come with following

Bdubs and Scar need direction and Cleo’s able to give that to them. While at the same time, Cleo’s learning to be more comfortable with unpredictability. They have! Two loose cannons! But Cleo knows they’re unpredictable and is better equipped to manage that “threat”

Really, together the three of them are able to confront how closed off they are, allowing themselves to trust one another. And this trust is tested!! Especially with Bdubs maintaining a connection with Etho, who’s on another team entirely. AND THAT IS!! SO IMPORTANT FOR BDUBS because he’s forced into a position where he has to realize the harm he’s caused

Looping back around to TIES, basically that entire team had previous issues with him!! They stay at odds with one another because Bdubs refuses to acknowledge he did anything wrong. No he never reconciled with them, but he did start to confront his own issues. He doesn’t single anyone out as a danger, he spends so much time proving he’s loyal to the Clockers that he never falls back on paranoia

Then in Scar’s case, he’s both allowed to be dangerous and respected as a part of the group. NOT ONLY THAT but other alliances respect him! He isn’t constantly running around trying to prove he’s worth people’s respect, it’s just automatically granted to him

I don’t have a neat way to close this off, but something something accepting danger and learning to trust regardless of that danger

Start Post | TIES | Bad Boys

[lostgirlmuseum]

Masterlist ✨

Angst: 🌑 Fluff/Fun: 🌕 Both: 🌓 1K Notes: ✨

Welcome to my masterlist! I currently only write for Bucky Barnes. I’m also in college, so apologies if I don’t post regularly…because I’m 93.2% likely not to 👌 This is really just a fun lil thing I do. I'm definitely not the best, but I try.

Unless otherwise specified, happy endings only here. Real life is sad enough lmao

(headers by me, dividers by @firefly-graphics)

Make the Wave 🌓 (Complete) ✔️

Pairing: BestFriend!Bucky x f!Reader Summary: You invite both your best friend and your boyfriend to a three-day weekend getaway at a beach resort. This trip was meant to be relaxing, but tensions and jealousies rise as both Miles and Bucky fight for your attention. 

Coming Soon To A Tumblr Near You:

nothing :)

In order of most recent to least:

As You Wish 🌔

Summary: You and Bucky are forced to work on Halloween and even when cosplaying as lovers you only seem to bicker.

Dancing Spies 🌕

Summary: You and Bucky are undercover at a ball and he’s not ready to let go of you.

Honey 🌓

Summary: Bucky notices you've been acting really strange lately... like, really strange. And flirty? What happened to you, and are your eyes... glowing?

Solitary Confinement 🌑

Summary: Bucky finds you locked up. (Febuwhump Prompt Day 2)

The Swan and the Soldier 🌔

Summary: Bucky is signed up to act in the Nutcracker against his will. But it isn’t all bad. At least not after he meets the cute costume designer. 

I Like You (A Lot) 🌔

Summary: You can't help but notice the way Bucky becomes uncomfortable around you, and you help him find peace in your touch.

Who the Hell is Daryl? 🌓✨

Summary: Bucky is in love with you, and finally finds the courage to tell you. But what happens when it sounds like someone else is already in the picture? (Miscommunication!)

Pulse 🌕

Summary: Bucky can hear your heartbeat through the wall, and he can tell everything isn’t alright.

Bucky vs. Book 🌔✨

Summary: Bucky rushes to your aid when he finds out you’re upset. He’s never seen you this distraught before.

Stuck (2)gether 🌕

Summary: A continuation of Stuck Together, Bucky deals with the aftermath of now knowing what it’s like to be so close to you. He misses it. He’s scared of it. He needs it.

Stuck Together 🌕 + Part 2 is above!

Summary: Bug Boy and Big Man get into an argument. Luckily, you’re there to save the day! Until you find yourself in a sticky situation. Things get a little too close for comfort.

Give Me A Sign 🌑

Summary: Bucky asks the universe for a reason to live. The universe delivers you.

The Signal 🌓✨

Summary: You and Bucky get separated from the team after an unfortunate mishap, of which Bucky blames you. Except you’re not at fault! You thought… you aren’t too sure anymore.

Maced 🌕

Summary: You think someone’s following you and you mace them. Turns out it’s just Bucky. 

Thank you for being here, thank you for reading, thank you for responding. All my love, Cadence 💖

[sushiithephoenix]

Chapter 4 of A Contract I Regret Signing

Written by SpencerTheDeerHumanHybrid

My Story’s Gonna End With Me Died From Your Poison

~I’m not above a love to cash in,

Another lover underneath those flashin’ lights

Another one of those ruthless nights

Yeah, yeah, yeah~

Bumblebee stepped into the bar again and instantly went backstage and through a door which revealed a berth stage with multiple cameras and lights, along with a bunch of mechs getting ready.

“Ahh! Bumblebee, we were just getting ready to go! Get on the berth and read this script, please!” Swindle handed Bumblebee a bulky script and he thought;

‘Oh, It’s gonna be a long night,’ He hated doing long night shifts and he didn’t like doing this, but if it keeps the team and Sari safe, he’ll gladly do anything.

”Bumblebee, can I see you in my office real quick?” Bumblebee knew that voice and turned around to see Shockwave, he shakily took a breath, put the script down and said, ”Yeah, sure,”

~I shoulda guessed that this would happen

I shoulda known it when I looked in your red-hot eyes

Spewin’ all your red-hot lies

Yeah, yeah, yeah~

As soon as Bumblebee stepped a pede down onto the floor of the office, Shockwave pinned up him on the wall, his clawed servos on Bumblebee’s legs making his knees be on the side of his helm,

“Did you really think you could have that glitch of a dropout ninjabot protect you from me?” Shockwave asked him.

”Look, Shockwave h-he just gets in the way of everything please don’t hurt him- Agh!” Bumblebee started but was cut off by Shockwave removing one servo from his legs and slapping him hard. Bumblebee was suddenly removed from the wall and thrown onto the floor, where Shockwave grabbed him by his neck and held him up in the air.

”I have killed mechs and femmes for less than this attitude you're giving me! You are so lucky that you signed a contract with me back when we were at boot camp. Do not let me see that dropout ninjabot in this place ever again! Get me?”

”Y-yes, Shockwave,”

”Good, and don’t forget I will hurt your team and that organic named Sari if you disobey me,” Bumblebee was extremely worried as soon as he mentioned Sari, he knew the team could handle themselves but Sari was just a kid! He couldn’t let anything happen to her!

~What’s the worst part of this hell?

I can only blame myself~

“No! Please don’t hurt Sari, I-I’ll do anything, just don’t hurt her please!”

”Anything huh?”

“Yes, anything..” Shockwave let go of Bumblebee dropping him onto the ground and lifted his chin up.

”Well then, because you said anything, I want you here in my office after your shifts so, I can teach those mechs that you are mine and mine only, mkay?~”

“…Okay, I’ll be here,”

”Good boy, now go out there and do your job,” Bumblebee left the room and quickly read the script that Swindle gave him and got on the berth.

~’Cause I know you’re poison, you’re feeding poison

Addicted to this feelin’, I can’t help but swallow up your poison

I made my choices, and every night, I’m livin’ like there’s no tomorrow~

Bumblebee hated doing this, it always felt so weird interfacing with other mechs, it wasn’t like the times he spent ‘facing with Longarm, they were too rough and fast.

He remembered the first time he interfaced with Longarm, it felt so good and… right, he was gentle yet rough, and so kind to him unlike everyone else -except Bulkhead of course- and he was so sweet to him.

He fell out of love with Longarm- no, Shockwave a long, long time ago and the only one that had rekindled that love was… Blurr.

Blurr was kind and sweet and also so… beautiful, he was the only one that would ever listen to his problems and he seemed so gentle with him as if he knew that he was getting hurt, it was… wonderful.

~Oh-oh, oh-oh

Any way you want me, baby, that’s the way you got me

My story’s gonna end with me dead from your poison~

It was a new scene, some kind of studio or something and Bumblebee was apparently playing the role of an Autobot getting caught by a Decepticon trying to scare him to get information about his base or mission or something he didn’t remember and he didn’t give a scrap about it.

”So, I’ll ask you one more time Auto-scum, where is your base and what is your mission?

”You’re crazy if you think I give you any information about my team,”

”Alright, then I guess I’ll have to frag that pretty little body of yours to get that information huh? Auto-scum,”

”Do your worst, Deceti-creep~” Bumblebee hated the feeling of the spike roughly pounding into his valve, he wanted it gentle and loving but he had to do what the script said, and he still hated it so much. He remembered his first time with Longarm, it was so wonderful and gentle that he couldn’t help but blush as he recounted the memory.

~I got so good at bein’ untrue

I got so good at tellin’ you what you wanna hear

I disassociate, disappear

Yeah, yeah, yeah~

‘Ahh~ Frag~ L-Longarm!!’ Bumblebee moaned at the gentle touch of Longarm’s servos on his horns.They were in a giant closet at the boot camp, ignoring everything and everyone as they continued their session on the rather sizable berth.

‘Longarm~ you know that t-they’re sensitive,’

‘I know my sweet Bee~’

‘D-don’t call me t-that!’ Bumblebee playfully smacked Longarm with one of his servos and placed it on the spot that he smacked to smooth it. He could feel Longarm’s spike gently going in and out of his valve, he was surprised that he liked interfacing when it was gentle instead of rough but he loved it either way.

‘You look so beautiful like this, especially with those cute little sounds you're making~’ Longarm praised and praised Bumblebee during their interfacing sessions, Bumblebee loved the praise and it made him feel good and proud of himself.

‘O-oh, j-j-just shut up already!’ Bumblebee obviously did not want him to shut up and he instead continued on.

’My sweet Bee~ so polite and strong, always such a cutie~’

’Ahh~ F-frag~ p-please don’t s-stop!’

’How could I ever stop for the most beautiful bot of all of Cybertron~’

’Oh my fragging- Will you just- Ahh~’ Bumblebee got annoyed for a little bit before feeling Longarms’ servo gently rub one of his horns and another servo gently rub at his protoflesh.

’L-Longarm, I-I love y-you so m-much!’

’…as do I, my sweet Bee~’

~So far beyond difficult to resist another gulp~

Bumblebee was knocked out of the memory as he felt his wrists getting pinned to the wall as he remembered that now he was in a.. hotel berth?

‘Alright, I fragging hate Swindle even more now’

He HATED doing these types of shifts, he hated interfacing with bots he didn’t know, he hated the fact he kept coming back, he hated that was forever trapped in this place… even if he ever got free that wouldn’t get rid of him.

“Alright everyone, we’ll take a five kilk break and then we can finally get started with the final holo-vid!”

When Bumblebee heard this, he went outside to a balcony and just stared out at the stars lighting up the sky. There weren’t that many as the lights in Detroit had prevented many of the stars from appearing, nevertheless Bumblebee stared at the stars with awe. He suddenly got a message coming from his data-pad, when he pulled it out of his sub-space he saw that the message was from Nova Storm so, he clicked on it to see what it read.

{Hey, tell me when you're done with your shifts so we can hang out alr? :)}

{Alright, I’ll tell you, be safe and pls don’t do with Shockwave ever again, I don’t want him to hurt you}

{alr! I won’t but I’ll see you later, ya crazy son of a glitch >:D}

{See you later Novaload!! >:3}

{Oh, you motherfragger- oops gotta go, getting chased by cops now bye!! :p}

{Bye! ^-^}

Bumblebee smiled and chuckled a little at his Amcia’s antics, she was always trying to blow something up and that’s makes being her Amica Endura so exciting! Just acting like he was at boot camp again, always getting into trouble and wanting to have the most fun was exciting with her, she was everything Bumblebee could ask for in a Amica Endura but Bumblebee wanted to make Sari his other Amica Endura, they were practically like siblings and that way he could have three Amica Enduras (the other was Bulkhead obv).

“Bumblebee!! Get your tight aft over here, we’re about to start the scene!” Swindle yelled.

“Coming! Fragging aft-hole,” Bumblebee yelled and muttered as he put the data-pad back in his sub-space.

~Yeah, I know it’s poison, you're feedin’ me poison

I’m chokin’ from the taste and I can’t help but swallow up your poison

I made my choices, and every night, I’m wasted like there’s no tomorrow~

“Alright! Final holo-vid of the Solar cycle and then we can go and drink some NOS and high-grade!” Swindle said, excitedly.

As you can imagine, he only took this job because 1) he gets to take holo-vids of multiple mechs pounding their spikes into this minibots’ tight and puffy valve and 2) he got a lot of Shinx from doing this.

”Lights, camera, action!” As the scene played out Bumblebee couldn't shake the feeling of the single red optic looking straight at him the entire time, it was terrifying for the yellow mech and even more so that he could see the many, many ways that Shockwave would hurt his team and Sari if he so much as fights back against him.

He was forever trapped with him no matter what he did, even if he ever got help from his team or even the Elite Guard, there would be no way to erase what Shockwave did to him.

Bumblebee could tell that the holo-vid was ending soon based on the way Swindle was reacting to the Live Feed numbers going up.

”And that’s a wrap! Good work everybody! Go enjoy yourselves, see you all tomorrow!” Everybody there had celebrated when they saw that their audience was increasing and much happier than the other times.

Bumblebee just ex-vented and looked in the direction of Shockwave looking back at him before he motioned for the mech to follow him, with a vent Bumblebee got up from the set and followed Shockwave into his office.

~Oh-oh, oh-oh

Any way you want me, baby, that’s the way you got me

I’ll be yours

My story’s gonna end with me dead from your poison~

Shockwave threw him onto the berth before he could even blink and started to touch him everywhere.

”Shockwave- Primus damn it,” Bumblebee tried to get his servos off of him.

”Don’t resist me sweet Bee or- Primus damn it!” Shockwave started before he felt large volts of electricity coming from Bumblebees stingers.

”Don’t talk to me like you’re him!” Bumblebee was standing on the ground near the door when he said this.

”Oh, my sweet Bee, I am him or do you need a demonstration?”

Y-you wouldn’t dare,” Shockwave then started to transform into a disguise Bumblebee knew all too well.

”NO!! Not again! Y-you’re not him! You’ll never be him!” Bumblebee had his servos on his helm and turned around just as he felt his servos trying to coil around him.

”Bumblebee it’s me please just- No! Get you slimy, disgusting servos off of me!” Longarm- ‘No, no, no that’s Shockwave’ Bumblebee thought as Shockwave pulled him closer.

”Don’t try to pretend you're him, I don’t love you! I loved him! Not you! You’ll never be like him-“ Bumblebee yelled and turned around to see.. Longarm.

”Longarm, I-I just-“

”Shh, my sweet Bee, you're safe now,” Longarm said. Bumblebee started to cry curled up in Longarms servos and arms. He knew it wasn’t Longarm, it’ll never be Longarm.

But, it felt so good to just… pretend.

~Poison, I’m drowin’ in poison

I’m fillin’ up my glass, but it’s always hollow

Full of poison, I’m sick of the poison

Wish I had somethin’ to live for tomorrow~

Nova was walking towards the place where she and Bumblebee at the usual meet up to do their nightly activities; blowing stuff up with the brand new explosives she got, testing out the limits of Bumblebees stingers, dancing in abandoned places to let steam off, and fun competitive racing!

Nova smiled warmly at the memories, she didn’t know what her life would have been like if she had not met the yellow bumbler. She felt worry for him however, she hated that Shockwave was treating him as a frag toy, she may be a Neutral but she’ll kick that Decepti-creep’s aft if she had too.

Nova ex-vented as she pulled out her data-pad from her sub-space and read the last message Bumblebee had left her;

{Meet me at the usual spot Nova, please}

Nova had finally arrived at the spot, it was an abandoned place near the beach that no one knew about expect her and Bumblebee, she entered and said;

”Hey, Bumble-slag! You ready to party like never before-“ she stopped when she saw the yellow bumbler quietly sobbing in the corner.

”Oh, Bee..” She knew what happened and this wasn't the first time that stupid, disgusting Decepti-creep had done this.

”N-Nova, oh Primus he-“ Bumblebee suddenly started to run towards her. She lowered herself onto her knee joints and hugged Bumblebee tightly as he sobbed into her Mid-section plating.

”H-he did it again and I-I don’t know h-how I can keep g-going I just-“

”Shh, shh, you’re okay, I’m here, let it all out,” She said to him in an attempt to calm him. He cried and cried into her Midsection for joors and Nova was okay with it.

Nova Storm swore to both Primus and Unicron that she’ll end that Decepti-creeps’ life and crush his spark slowly in her own servos if she had to, but for now she will be content with calming her Amica Endura down.. she promised him that she’ll will always be there to protect him… no.. matter.. what.

[asprintaday]

The bad news is that you're compromised. The good news is that you're ambidextrous, so losing your right arm isn't as big a blow as it could've been. Not that anyone else will ever know or care, at this point.

Everyone wanted to go home. They had families to think about. If it really was the end times, no one wanted to die in the hospital—let alone in the hospital's basement. You agreed and sent them home, of course.

You can't blame them, but you can hate them.

You had no such excuses. No one was waiting for you at home. As far as you're concerned, the hospital was home. And you're the head of the pathology department, for Christ's sake.

If there was a disease process to understand or a cure to be created, it had to come from your people.

They didn't really know what to call it, at first. You heard one ED doc float "asomatognosia," but the presentation wasn't right. These people didn't lose awareness of their limb. They said the limb became possessed—that it looked like their limb, but it wasn't their limb. Then it spread to other extremities. And by the time they made it to your hospital for evaluation, all your team could do was make them comfortable for the next few hours.

So no. You all didn't know what the hell you were dealing with. Someone called it "limb mimicking" and it stuck. Not because you particularly loved the term, but because you all needed to speak the same language as things fell apart around you.

How the hell was that four days ago?

You've been running on a skeleton crew for at least a day. There are still a few ER docs frantically running the floor—adrenaline junkies, the lot of them—but pathology is currently a one-woman show.

So you're alone in the basement. And you've been putting off patient autopsies as long as you can, in the current disaster state. But at this point, it's a matter of public health and you can't stall any longer.

Given the chaos upstairs, you feel almost guilty for the stillness around you. LEDs buzz above you as you tie your hair back, loop your mask over your ears and slide a gown over your scrubs. You try to keep things as sterile as possible when you slide on your gloves, but it's not like anyone is here to help you or scold you.

Into the lab. An early patient lays supine on the metal table, abandoned in the arguments and panic of the past few hours. A young woman. Almost normal, except for the skin that sags off of her in big folds.

You don't even have to do the full autopsy. All you need is a sample. You'll start with a motor neuron in the arm. That's a good compromise, right? They didn't see anything centrally on imaging, so peripheral is a good start. Maybe its pathophysiology is similar to rabies.

Just one sample. One step at a time.

You take a shaky breath, then take her sagging wrist into your gloved right hand. You look away as you reach for a scalpel with your left.

You look back just in time to see a sheath of glistening bone shoot out of her wrist and into the flesh of your palm.

You drop her and the bone slides out of your hand almost too easily, the patient's arm flopping back onto the table. You bring your palm up to your hand and stare through the ragged hole, struck by the wrongness of seeing your inside on your outside.

And then you feel something begin to snake its way up from your hand, into your arm. It doesn't hurt at first. It's just a burst of heat in your veins.

But then it gets to work. It peels apart fascia. Shreds at muscle. Pops bone.

"Fuck," you pant.

You let your heart flutter in your chest for one breath. Then you rush into the hallway, steadying yourself on the walls every few steps, before you throw your shoulder into the door for the storage room.

You rifle in cabinets with your left hand—gauze, suture kit, iodine, tongue depressors—before finally, you settle on a tourniquet.

It's been years since you used one of these, but muscle memory guides you steadily through the motions: sleeve on, strap buckled, and twist. And twist. And twist.

Only then do you breathe. Right arm limp at your side, you slump against the wall and slide to the floor.

It hurts—holy hell, does it hurt—but the hurt stops sharply just below your armpit, right where the tourniquet sits.

Your original arm is a goner. You know that definitively. You raise your trembling left hand to your bicep and a chunk of tissue comes off in your fist. The exposed underlying muscle is bruised and purple, with a strange iridescent sheen. It stays limp.

You close your eyes and lean your head back against the cold brick of the wall.

What now? You can't let this spread, but you also can't keep the tourniquet on forever. Even if it's not your arm anymore, it's still attached to you. It has little to no blood flow. What if it rots? What if you go septic? But who's going to do an amputation, in this chaos? Is it even safe to go upstairs, at this point? Do you do it your—

A crash from down the hall interrupts your thoughts.

You try to scramble to your feet, which is difficult with one arm. Someone—or rather, something—scrabbles at the door, fumbling with the handle.

"Go away!" you say shakily, stupidly. The scratching doesn't stop.

You know in your bones that the autopsy patient is here to finish the job. Your right arm remains motionless and yet you feel something almost magnetic tugging you towards the door, towards the noise. You have little to no hope of winning this fight. But you scramble through the drawers until you find a scalpel, regardless.

Maybe you should've died alone at home after all, like everyone else. Dying for a noble cause seems great, until it's actually time to do the dying. But it's too late for regrets.

You take the scalpel in your left hand and raise it towards the door as it finally swings open.

The autopsy patient stumbles in, skin sagging and unfeeling feet struggling to keep her upright. Your heart pounds and your knees shake.

Without warning, bone shoots out of your limp arm.

It spikes your knuckles and your epicondyles, turning your arm into a wicked mace. The arm fidgets at your side, as if trialing different controls, and then slowly trembles its way into a defensive pose in front of your torso.

Your brain races as you try to piece together this development, apply human logic to this thing that's been making your life a living hell for the past few days.

Parasites try to protect their hosts. Maybe...?

Another step from the patient. Your bone-studded right hand angles itself towards you as if prompting you to act: Don't just stand there, do something about this.

You grit your teeth and know what you have to do. You run at her.

Oh no, its a mimic! And its just took over your arm! It makes for a good weapon though.

[cryingpariah]

Alright Mocking Slay Part 1 watched let’s get into it cause ya girl got some shit to talk!!!

[Obligatory spoiler warning because we what??ALL MOVE AT OUR OWN PACE yes exactly 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️]

This movie was really really good like I was upset but not in spite of it yknow?? So fucking angsty and let me tell you I was eating that shit UPPPPP! It’d be like a 9.3 out of 10 or a 4.6 out of 5 for me. The budget was so severely budgeting my lord some of these shots were so gorgeous man!! Love how full throttle we are into the revolution and how depressing it is, like the amount of times I audibly said “oh it’s so bad for her/him/them” is astronomical (which is the ideal viewing experience btw).

Character thoughts!!

Katniss - SOMEONE SAVE HER OMG!! SHE'S JUST A KID STOP USING HER TO PUSH YOUR AGENDAS!!! CAN MY DAUGHTER REST??? Every single second of this movie is just my fuckass braid Shayla going THROUGH IT!! AND IM SICK!! LEAVE HER ALONEEEEEEEEE!! (In all seriousness, never has it been more blatant then in this movie that almost no one treats Katniss like an actual living person. She is a prop, she is a weapon, she is a symbol and above all else? She is the MockingJay.) 10/10 you will be free one day Katniss Everdeen

(Prim wasn’t in this movie much either and was lowkey pissing me off with that damn cat but I let it slide. The mom is still irrelevant.)

G*le: Oh how I love this BITCH! Cussing him out for his every second of screen time (farrrr too much btw). The worst part is this could have been a real turning point considering his stance on the state of Panem but no! Just pisses me off at every turn! I wanted him to rescue Peeta and then immediately die. 1.7/10 Punk ass

Peeta: Seriously considering the long term effects of living underground because the people of district 13 were BLIND AS HELL FOR THINKING MY BOY WAS A TRAITOR!! Like, no one is capable of reading between the lines?? Make up department went off bc he got more harrowing every return. And when they finally have him back they traumatized him into fearing and hating Katniss like is there truly no rest for the wicked? Like none?? 10/10 He will be fine (he has no choice.)

Haymitch: Barely in this film (G*le took all his screen time) but he eats every time. Get that man a drink the world is ending my lord. That’s husband right there 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ 9.9/10 *lip bite*

Effie: Love the fake out where you think she’s being detained but is actually just refusing to leave the room without serving. The semi-consistent Katniss ride or die adult figure of the film. Sparkling as always 9.9/10 That’s MOTHER to you.

Finnick: He didn’t do much this movie which was really disappointing actually :(, I blame G*le. The scene of him being the distraction for the extraction team actually broke?? my heart?? What do you mean that the winners can get bought out to the rich for shady activities?? What do you mean Snow facilitates it?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIM DESCRIBING HOW HE WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AT 14 WAS THE DISTRACTION??? I’m glad he reunited with his girl, bro is in desperate need of a win. 9.8/10 I want nothing but the best for him.

(Johanna was not present until the end where she had a shaved head?? She was rocking it though.)

Boggs: Filling the Cinna shaped hole in my…heart. Delightful shock of my life to see Mahershala Ali in the Hunger Games and let me tell you I am living for it. He doesn’t actually do much except interrupt a Katniss scene to drag her to go to talk to someone else which 😭 whatever ig. He gets points for being the only adult there to go out into the field with Katniss. 7.0/10 tentatively saying my man my man my man

Plutarch Heavensbee: He lowkey gives me cuck energy and I will be elaborating on that. It’s just what I’m getting. He was pissing me off so bad like ooooo you wanna shut up saurrr badddd. I do like the scene of him freaking out during the attack on base and fully realizing that war isn’t just carefully produced and edited propaganda pieces, that was genuinely neat. 3.2/10 your slays got returned to sender.

President Coin: I don’t remember her first name and I refuse to look it up. The piss off-enings of the Revolution continue cause she was talking whatever to Katniss and I didn’t NAWT like it. I get that she has a responsibility to her people and the cause but like choosing to show the girl the burnt corpses and wreckage of her hometown so she’ll join your group and then getting annoyed when she has reasonable requests?? Take several seats Miss Ma'am. 3.2/10 let’s do better

President Snow: Yet another masterful performance like I am truly blown away every time. That being said, Snow should be dead 4 movies ago. I like that Finnick akins him both literally and figuratively as poison because that’s how hatred and divide start. A slow acting poison being dripped into people’s ears, eyes, bloodstreams until they can’t remember a life without the aching. Sending the flowers sealed the deal for me, he’s in my top 10 favourite villains ever. 10/10 bro is going to Super Hell.

[venturismcdonald]

Alright you, I am totally willing to chat with you about Derek Venturi's vibe being "folklore" by Taylor Swift. I'm gonna end up listening to that album again this weekend while thinking about him, my favourite blorbo, and internally screaming while I work retail; and I both blame AND thank thee.

Okay, yes, because here's the thing: folklore is an album full of contradictions and really fucking confusing plotlines and self doubt while simultaneously believing in oneself above all else and that is Derek Venturi to a t. (He's also Midnights but that's a conversation for another day.) Please add your thoughts to this somewhat comprehensible thing I wrote about this!

Literally ever since the thought came to me all I have been able to think is Derek being every song and I have ✨thoughts✨ on it.

the 1: alright, look, Derek is aware that people *think* he's cool. But the thing is, he's had two serious relationships in his entire life. Sally was cool, he thinks he loved her, in the fearless way someone loves when they're sixteen and might have had feelings for their stepsister at the same time. Being with Sally was cool, but he knew it never would've worked out long term because... *vaguely hand gestures to his brain, which must be at least 20% Casey.* It's not that Derek regrets being with and loving Sally, he's just aware it wasn't forever and was never meant to be. He always felt like he had to be better around her, to be a version of himself that didn't prank Casey and start wars with the football team (even though, hello, they're football players, Sally, they totally deserve it! Max is annoying and an ass and not a good partner to Casey and football is a terrible sport that only narcissistic egomaniacs who should be spouting the Star Spangled fucking Banner play), a version of himself that was soft and kind and just not Derek. He can be those things, but not all the time. His love language is fond insults.

cardigan: this one is how he feels a lot of the time. As a society, we've acknowledged this is a song about being used when someone needs something but not actually being what they need or want. That's how Derek feels. He's a god amongst men, alright, and that comes with people wanting him for something or another constantly. Do they care about him? Not really, but don't they do a damn good job of pretending? It's almost convincing. Just like the song.

the last great american dynasty: is he a woman named Rebekah living in Rhode Island after the death of her first husband? No, not to his knowledge. Does he fit the vibe of someone who decides that fuck it, he's going to spend the rest of his life doing a bunch of random hijinks with his friends and Casey and their pack of kids? Of course. That's literally Derek. He has dyed a dog key lime green (Casey didn't find it nearly as amusing as Derek and Molly did, because she is lame and needs to expand her horizons), he has decided to pace rocks just to look insane and aesthetic and he's certainly made questionable gambling decisions (hence Sky's conception. Use a condom, kids.)

exile: do you know how long this man spent pining after Casey?? If we take LWL into effect, it's twenty four years! And in those 24 years, Casey was never single longer than nine or ten months (because she's Casey and loves long term relationships and all the bullshit that comes with them because she's never done anything casually. Except the one time they fucked and he ran away to Paris and they never spoke of it again), which meant Derek had to watch her fall in love, over and over again, with different terrible men! Really, what was she thinking? A football captain, a douchebag who rated her (and only thought she was a six and a half, as if Derek would ever obsess over a six and a half! It's insulting), a guy who didn't have a personality and a neglectful husband have been her choices. He has to watch, from the sidelines, because she doesn't let him in after everything happened, after the fight and the sex and the avoidance. All he is to her is a stepbrother she once hooked up with. Nothing more. Meanwhile, his heart cracks every time he sees her and Peter on Facebook.

my tears ricochet: specifically the first verse is giving Derek vibes to me. He knows he can bring out every side of people effortlessly, he can read them like a book because Derek is so smart, it's just people smart! It's why he knows that he has to try and be the greatest (not that it takes much effort, but it's difficult some days) to get any attention, to get love from his parents and his family and everyone around him. Because everyone loves him conditionally and Derek is barely holding himself together. Scotch tape doesn't fix everything. But c'mon, Marti, Simon and Sky are the only people who have loved him without conditions, without terms of service. What else is he supposed to believe? That he's suddenly lovable and perfect and doesn't need to put in any effort ever because he's not a fuck up? That would erase literal decades of George, Abby and Nora's parenting.

seven: being a kid is fucking great, man. Even a kid whose parents don't like him, who make him feel like a fuck up because he had to repeat the first grade (look, alright, it's hard to focus and his brain won't because Derek is broken and he's aware. Moving on), a kid who tries so hard and never gets acknowledgement. And then his parents have Edwin! Just because! Edwin is planned, he's wanted, he's everything Derek isn't. But when Derek is seven, George and Nora start fighting more. He takes Ed (who's two) and they hide out in the backyard, in a shitty treehouse that'll probably result in a broken bone one day, playing pirates until Edwin falls asleep or the yelling stops, whichever comes first. Because being seven is also impossible. It's great in hindsight, but at the time? God, it sucks. He romanticizes it until he remembers having to scream so loud the neighbors thought something was wrong so George and Abby would stop fighting, remembers the time he broke his arm on the slide because they wouldn't get outside and play so he went first and they didn't even notice until three days later because they were in such an intense fight. Being seven was the best and worst of times and sometimes, Derek thinks it was his peak. In a weird competition, his parents would always try to shower him with love right after a fight. It didn't add up, but whatever, who is he to judge?

august: Derek is August. I need this to be known; he's the one waiting on a call, who desperately wants to get it and knows he won't. Casey won't call, she'll never call, because they fucked everything up, hooking up. He saw it clear as day on her face the morning after, it's why he went to fucking Paris. And honestly, he's never really a first choice, is he? He's always the backup guy, the guy who you drag out for looks but don't actually love. You'll pretend to, and you'll do a good job, but no one actually does and that's okay.

this is me trying: he tries, alright? It may not seem like it, with Derek being a solid D+ student, but he tries. So hard. It's not his fault that his fucking brain won't cooperate and he can't learn the useless stuff. Give him a hockey stick, he'll be so good you'll forget all about your problems, but don't make him do school. He hates it. The only topics he can learn about are the ones he's obsessed with (mythology, film, music, the history of video games that one summer, the bodice rippers Casey keeps under her pillow, Casey as a whole entity (this is entirely against his will. Believe him, his life would be so much easier if he didn't know so much about Casey and feel so much about her he cannot breathe and he can't talk about it so it just sits there, being a crushing weight on him because she is inconvenient! And annoying and the absolute worst!), hockey, all of Marti and Simon's interests, etc) and five paragraph essays do not fit that. But then there's the fact he practically is a parent to Marti, doing all the emotional and physical labor of one most of the time. He tries so hard to not fuck her up because he loves her so much. Ed's cool and he loves him, but Smarti's different, okay? When Derek met Edwin, he sort of just shrugged, loved the kid and failed to get him into anything cool. When he met Marti, Abby told him he'd be taking on responsibility and Derek took that seriously. He's uncharacteristically responsible with her. Marti is the fucking best. Derek tries so hard to not be obsessed with Casey, even though it feels like she's in his fucking bloodstream, she's running through him, she's a goddamn part of him and sometimes he wants to crawl inside of her skin and live there, because he knows she can't feel the same. Casey doesn't love him. Casey doesn't even like him! So he pranks her and grins and throws a fit when she dates Sam (which, seriously Sam? What a fucking betrayal, dude. The male code! It's a real thing and definitely not something he just pulled out of his ass so you wouldn't date his annoying and hot stepsister) and eventually tries to be a decent person because, for some reason, she doesn't give up on him. It's sickening.

illicit affairs: before Casey finalized her divorce with Peter, there was (shh, it's a secret, don't tell the family) an affair happening in her house. Take two guesses as to who it was. Derek and Casey? Brilliant. Yeah, it's an affair, and it makes Derek feel dirty, like all he's good for is being a secret boy toy, but he loves her so much that he'll take whatever she's giving, even if it's just bare scraps. Derek will break himself in half to help her, to make Casey feel better, and if being her mistress is how he does it, then it'll be fine. He won't panic about their future once her divorce is finalized at all.

invisible string: there is only one explanation for why Derek's felt so drawn to Casey since he first met her. She had a schoolgirl uniform on. Is it his kink? No, not particularly, but she's a hot girl in a schoolgirl uniform. He's not blind! But also, he met her and something in his brain lit up, some part he'd never known was there before, some part that made him want to be around her all of the time for some inexplicable reason. She's infected him like a cancer. It's evil. He loves it. There's something dragging them together constantly, and at his age of 38 (please don't mention it, he's coping poorly), he can admit it might be fate or the universe or whatever. Derek loves Casey and she loves him back. Has for decades, apparently. They should've pulled their heads out of their asses so much sooner, because they're in love and it's great and they go do all the cute coupley shit Derek used to swear he'd never do but in his defense: it's Casey and she lights up doing that bullshit and Derek is a total marshmallow when it comes to her. She even gets to steal his food! And watch her terrible reality shows during hockey games! This whole love thing has turned him into a disgusting sap of a person. Shoot him, please. He begs.

mad woman: Derek's spent enough time around women (Casey especially) to understand they are complex creatures. He'll never fully understand them, but he can try to. They get mad at... A lot, honestly, being a woman must be exhausting (Casey and Marti are constantly feeling things so deeply it's painful) and sometimes it's each other? He's not quite sure, but he knows they're mad. And when they are, do not mess with them. Even Casey, who is stupid hot when mad. The world is against women, apparently, so they get mad at that and the fact they have to pay for tampons (Derek ends up buying them, do not make it a thing) and having it be inferred they're just fucking insane. Which, to be fair, they are! Casey especially! But yeah, it's gotta be annoying, so he's trying to empathize and be feminist and other bullshit that Skyler has bullied him into.

epiphany: so here's the problem: Derek is aware he's had a pretty decent life, all things considered. No massive traumas, nothing a therapist should see him for. Still, he can't help but feel sometimes like there's a war being waged between his brain and the Canadian education system. It's fucking insane! School just doesn't work and Derek is broken because he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand, everything feels violent and he can't cope. Hence hockey, where he can hit things and people with sticks! Hockey is great! It's bloody and gorey and everything else Casey hates.

betty: oh boy. This one's a doozy. But it's not Derek's fault, he will maintain, that he accidentally pissed Casey off so much she won't talk to him. He made one joke about her divorce (which wasn't even that bad! The kids laughed! Simon laughed! Casey is the only one who didn't) and now she's stormed off and won't talk to him so obviously Derek needs to apologize. He hates apologies; they're lame and suck all the fun out of everything and they are the worst! But he does, and god, does he hope that it'll be enough for him to apologize by playing her a song he wrote and talking about his (ugh) feelings for her to kiss him in front of the kids and their parents and admit this is what she wants. Because this thing between them has always been on her terms, he's just along for the ride, but he'd really like to be with her forever.

peace: one of the few cons of being as amazing as Derek is that he doesn't get any privacy half the time. Neither do his romantic partners, as a result. He's aware of this and it's part of why he doesn't date anymore; it's too hard to find someone willing to deal with all of it. Once he and Casey officially get together, one of Derek's biggest fears is that she's going to realize he's not worth it. Because she'll never have a quiet, peaceful life that Casey deserves, not being with him. Everything will be an article and it's going to suck and Derek loves her. Will she be okay without getting that peace? He'd get it if she wasn't; it's okay, he won't hold it against her. She'll never get to live a normal life with him. When she tells him she'd rather insane with anyone else than normal with him, he may or may not shed a tear or two. Because he's not worth that, he isn't even close to worth the chaos that'll come with it, but Casey thinks he is for some reason, so Derek will keep trying to prove to her that he is. Every day for the rest of his goddamn life.

hoax: when love feels conditional and faithless, it's essentially a massive hoax. Derek doesn't believe in a love that'll exist with unwavering loyalty and faith and trust. It's not for him. Maybe for other people, but he doesn't get that. Everyone's love for him is a fake, a pretend, and Derek is great at pretending he doesn't know it. Love is bullshit, the kind they talk about in the movies. That doesn't exist for people like Derek. It exists for Marti and Casey and Edwin and Lizzie and Nora and George and hell, Abby and Dennis, but not for Derek. He's not wired to receive it. And he'll believe they all love him endlessly to go to sleep at night, waking up knowing it's a lie.

the lakes: sometimes, a man wants peace and quiet. He wants to go to an abandoned lake, write songs with his girlfriend, let the kids play and do whatever the fuck Luca and Sky do (he thinks Luca has a boyfriend?? It's confusing. He FaceTimes him a lot) and avoid people forever. And then Derek remembers how much he hates camping because urban hell scapes are his favorite thing, shrugs, and proceeds to overromanticize small New England towns until he goes to one. Let him have his fun, he's an artist. This is his muse.

[megamuscle885-blog]

I picked Bakuda/String Theory, and I'm glad people are recognizing it for the fallout that it would be. Fallout is exactly what I would call their ship. I'll type out my thoughts on the others though; Night/Fog: Tragic though undercut by their nazi affiliations, their pantomime marriage is the only thing keeping them anywhere near sanity. Assuming they don't outright murder each-other over whatever caused the divorce, they both now have to figure out how they're going to function when they no longer have anything to tether themselves to. Likely to end up living weapons in separate nazi groups, or join the S9 when Jack blows through town. Casualties would be no more than usual for parahuman nazi scum. Fog might go on a directionless killing spree as he mutely works through what little feelings he has left. Night's monster form can't physically cry while she's alone and unobserved more than usual now. Though, thinking about it, both are true for the other. This doesn't really spark much of a comment in the parahuman community, other than the increased killings.

Defiant/Dragon: Also heartbreaking, because their main draw to each-other was a relationship built on respect and vulnerability. If it were Armsmaster, he might've said something wildly misogynistic or something that made her distrust him with her AI secret, and they would've cut ties personally but maybe maintained a professional veneer. A Defiant/Dragon split means they exposed their mutual vulnerabilities and still weren't able to make it work. No casualties. The antithesis of a messy divorce, they would split from each-other and cry very privately, but stay together for the kid (Weaver). The kind of divorce where the love has died and trust/respect has left. People didn't really know about their relationship that much.

Foil/Parian: Maybe Parian realizes the power dynamic is a little skewed, with Foil abandoning everything else to be with her. Maybe the age gap comes up in a messy way. Whatever the divorce reason, the fallout isn't significant beyond them both leaving the Undersiders. They weren't really part of the team except to be for each-other. Tattletale sees it coming a mile off, but for whatever reason, she doesn't do anything to stop it. I haven't read Ward yet, so I'm not sure on the intricacies of their relationship. March might swoop in to take advantage of Foil's grief. In which case the casualties aren't even their own fault. Impact would be limited to their henchmen and associated Undersiders fans/henchmen.

Imp/Regent: Regent becomes a little more careless with his thralls. He found someone who made him feel a little more human and now she's gone. Except Imp is never actually gone. She begins to haunt him, a constant voyeur and a gaping hole where someone should be. I'm actually struggling for a divorce reason here though. His death stayed with her for years after, despite her anger at his self sacrifice. I don't think either of them would go out of their way to lash out and cause casualties. If they want each-other dead, they're both uniquely equipped to counter each-other. Brian would comfort Aisha once he sees her genuinely upset. I don't think there would even be any Heartbroken with the Undersiders if it wasn't for Imp/Regent.

Assault/Battery: We've seen what kind of man he turns into when Battery is out of Assault's life. Compared to the above, their divorce is actually a long time coming. His perceived guilt over causing her to Trigger, any lingering blame over the loss of her father, his sexual harassment, her career being reduced to ex-villain babysitting for her corrupt bosses. Again, this divorce has been a long time coming. Assault becomes reckless, vindictive, punishing. Desperate to prove himself to her, or to prove her wrong, he goes overboard on criminals and villains and might even end up kicked out of the protectorate and jailed himself. She rectifies a massive smear on her career and moves on from Brockton Bay, though jaded and untrusting of a system that rewards usefulness and punishes the principled. Merits little more than a PHO thread from their respective fans.

Trickster/Echidna: This divorce is hard to see because his whole deal is that he's ride or die for her even though their relationship isn't ride or die. It's very much a problem that he's so willing to do anything for her. Canonically they made an S-Class event even worse, blew up the PRT's whole global mission, led to the underwhelming performance at Behemoth which also caused the largest casualties faced in an Endbringer battle to date (not sure on the civilian casualties but New Delhi is rather populated). It's not their divorce that is messy, it's their fucking 'marriage'. So, I think a divorce, so to speak, would probably involve Noelle being cured and Trickster no longer having an excuse to do horrible things for her/to keep the Travellers together. The casualties in that event are probably limited to the Travellers, and even then, maybe just their interpersonal relationships. They can never be together again. Trickster has been called a reverse Skitter by a few essayists here, and I think nothing shows that more than how Skitter's relationships are forged in fire, but Trickster's break apart in the crucible and he holds the slag together with his bare hands.

Bitch/Skitter: Oh. Don't leave her Skitter. Please don't go. She's your ever faithful dog. She'll wait for you. She'll build a shrine for everything and everyone she's lost, and keep a beehive there for you. She's always been trying to get the world to leave her alone, but she would be happy if she was alone with you.

We already have Canon. We know why she had to go. We know the casualties. Billions died. The end of the world.

Accord/Blasto: I can't decide if their divorce or their relationship is messier. Opposites definitely do not attract as often as they are depicted in fiction, as fun as it is to pair them up. Accord is practically the opposite of Blasto in every way. I also can't decide if their breakup is as messy as people have tagged. Either Blasto sees it coming or he doesn't. Accord, once slighted and once he decides the relationship cannot continue, will have Blasto's still beating heart in his hand and his severed head mounted on the wall. Mess is not Accord's thing, after all. A clean execution will be just the thing. If Blasto sees it coming, or if he's the one to break it off (which is a lot more likely and funnier) then he's got approximately one hour to release the Morrigan and get the fuck out of the eastern seaboard.

Miss Militia/Piggot: How does the marriage even kick off here? Piggot is unlikely to date a co-worker, a subordinate or a parahuman in increasing degrees of unlikeliness and Miss Militia doesn't seem to have much going on for her outside of being a living weapon for the Protectorate. Decidedly unmessy divorce though. Piggot may be forced to resign, Miss Militia might transfer out. Neither of them are likely to cause collateral damage, and neither of them show a lack of restraint with their emotions. Sparks a little inter-office gossip, but largely from the fact that nobody knew they were dating in the first place. I don't think I've ever read a Miss Militia/Piggot ship, so I am utterly unimaginative with this one. I'll accept recommendations.

Bakuda/String Theory: Yeah. Why is anyone else on this list? We know who's going to win. It's them. Lets say that they meet in the Birdcage, that Bakuda gets put in String's wing rather than the Fairy Queen's. Lung is stopped by a coalition of Tinkers once they reason out what he's there for, and his little display of power strategy has to be rethought once the entire prison makes it clear that nobody fucks with the people who keep the TVs working. So they begin a relationship, miss Bakuda and the String Theory. The marriage and the divorce are practically the same thing. Threatening to kill each-other at the end of every conversation. They describe how they'd do it, of course. Bakuda would trap her in a single moment of time, like a bug in amber. String Theory would squash her like a bug, like a high orbital kinetic hammer striking the most arrogant, Bostonian accented nail to ever exist. You have the two most volatile lesbian Tinkers to have ever existed, both of them academics largely disrespected and ignored to the breaking point, and both have had their careers of ruling others through fear. They're even both ticking time bombs in a way, Bakuda's literal examples and String Theory's timed weapon firing. The hate sex will threaten the structural stability of the Birdcage. The makeup sex will also threaten the structural stability of the Birdcage. They would make each-other worse by combining their strengths and the fallout would lead to the destruction of an entire earth of their own once they're released from the Birdcage together. I'm actually wondering a little if Wildbow intended for Bakuda to be a narrative copy of String Theory because of how similar they are to each-other. The leaders of the respective wings (excluding String Theory) meet to discuss contingencies if they actually manage to kill each-other. Lab Rat just can't get any peace and quiet anymore, now that there's two of them. He's the third wheel in their relationship and wishes he wasn't there to hear them complain about each-other/plan to kill each-other.

Glory Girl/Gallant: Oh, so this time it's for real? Maybe they finally hit the last straw here. Maybe Amy's whole deal comes out in a messy way, and they blame each-other for their neglect. Jealous supergirl trashes rich boy's new car by kicking it across the parking lot. They made a C-tier movie about this concept I think, starring Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson. Yawn. I think it's just going to be limited to Arcadia's gossip mill about Victoria and Dean, and if he's going to be grabbed by his ankles and slammed into the side of a building like a hamster.

Brandish/Flashbang: Hilariously, I accidentally typed Brandish/Manpower while going through the list before I realized my mistake. I don't think we need to guess the reason they divorce. Isn't she a divorce lawyer too? This one is the most stereotypical divorce on the list, and they don't even split up beyond sleeping in separate beds. The 'stay together for the kids (and team)' kind of divorce that just makes his depressive states worse and her walls come up higher. Tragically, Victoria thinks it's her fault. The casualties are New Wave as a whole and potentially whatever happens once Flashbang detonates in Brandish's face. If the secret gets out, things get worse. Maybe things get better for Amy once the pretense of a nuclear family ruptures and she's able to get out from under Carol and gain some breathing room. Victoria tries to hold everyone together.

I need to do another dumb poll.

I had fun with those.

Um...

How about...

It's 420am I should probably just sleep...

Now I would like to note:

This isn't which ship you like the most. This is which would have the messiest divorce. The sort the whole cape community is talking about.

Everyone's going "did you hear what happened down in ___"

[rocorambles]

Unnatural

Pairing: Vampire Oikawa x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Yandere, NSFW, Dub-Con/Non-Con, Blood...a lot of blood

Summary: You don’t realize just how right you are about there being something different about Oikawa.

There’s something unnatural about Oikawa.

Your fellow managers and assistants for Argentina’s national volleyball team just giggle and tease you when you tipsily voice your concern one day. But you adamantly continue voicing your impromptu dissertation.

Isn’t it weird that he’s never tired? He never even seems to break a sweat!

They wave you off, awestrukenly raving about how hard he works and practices. Of course his endurance is above and beyond the norm.

Strike one.

Fine, but isn’t it a bit strange that he always insists on eating alone?

They shrug. You’re not entirely wrong. It is a little unusual, but lots of people don’t like others watching them when they eat. Besides, he’s Argentina’s new star player and every star has their quirks.

Strike two.

Your fuzzy brain is running out of definite points and you’re well past the number of shots your tolerance allows. Maybe that’s why you blurt out the latest observation that has all your fellow female coworkers shrieking and fawning over Oikawa Tooru.

He literally sparkles in the sun. How is that even humanly possible?!

Don’t be so dramatic. We know you don’t like to admit you’re just as head over heels for him as we are, but even you have to admit he’s eye-catching. No judgement here. After all, none of us can take our eyes off him either when they practice outside in the sun.

They playfully nudge you, grinning and letting you know it’s all in good humor. And you know you’ve officially struck out, all your concerns easily waved away as they order another round of shots and urge you to drink up.

Unknown to you, your doubts aren’t nearly as subtle as you think, although you can’t be blamed for not being aware of Oikawa’s heightened senses. He can feel your eyes intensely examining him, different than the vapid heart-eyes your other companions give him. He can hear you whisper to them about all the little ticks he’s surprised you’ve even noticed.

If he’s honest, he’ll admit you’ve got him off-guard, a feeling he hasn’t experienced in centuries. Was he getting sloppy with mixing in with humanity and hiding his true nature? Was he getting weaker? He tests his glamour just to reassure himself, satisfied by the loud squeals he hears from the rest of the female staff on the sidelines when he gives them a wink and a peace sign. But he pouts at your much less enthused figure.

Why doesn’t his glamour work on you- Oh. He hides a smile as he focuses in on the rabid beating of your heart. Interesting. It does work on you, you’re just a little more resistant about your desires than most.

Mystery solved. You’re not the first hard-headed woman who’s tried to defy the intoxicating nature of his glamour, of his being. And he pays you no more mind. Someone as straight laced as you would never come to the ridiculous conclusion that he’s a vampire.

Except as fate would have it, it’s not you he needs to be worried about. It’s himself that he should be more cautious of.

He can see it all happen in slow motion, knows that his teammate isn’t jumping at the correct angle, knows that the ball is going to go flying errantly. And all he can do is watch in sickening fascination as the volleyball goes hurtling directly at your face. The force of the object crushing your nose echoes in his sensitive ears and he winces in sympathy only to freeze as the most alluring smell begins to overwhelm the gym.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

He’s not a rookie changeling or a newly turned vampire who has no control of his urges. He’s fucking royalty, a pureblood, ancient and well versed even by the high standards of his species. And you are hardly the first human whose blood he’s been around.

Yet it feels like he’s experiencing his first century all over again and it takes every bit of self control he has left not to let chocolate orbs bleed crimson, to let his fangs extend, to drink you dry right there and then. You smell absolutely divine and he humorlessly chuckles at the irony of the predicament he’s in now after his arrogance has led him to criticize so many of his peers over the centuries who’ve given into their base desires and instincts.

Maybe he does owe little Tobio an apology…

But that’s neither here nor now and he focuses on the crowd forming around your fallen figure.

“I’ll take her to the nurse.”

He fights the urge to roll his eyes when his panicked teammate who had caused your injury insists on being the one to take you, guilt evident in the slump of his shoulders. And instead he smiles in an award-worthy act as he adds a bit of glamour to his voice.

“It’s not your fault. Accidents happen in sports. I’ll take her and you just focus on getting your head back in practice. You can apologize as much as you want when she’s all healed up.”

Oikawa always gets his way and he smugly grins as he easily hauls you to the nurse’s office where all it takes is another few glamoured words to have the room emptied and at his disposal. And then it’s just you and him and he hungrily eyes the way blood trails from your nose, down the side of your face, until crimson begins to stain the once white bed sheets.

“Oikawa?”

Oh poor thing. Your voice is nasally, tone confused as you blearily try to understand what’s happening and where you are through the pain. All the better to glamour you with and he coaxes you into laying back down and relaxing, telling you that he’s just there to help you.

You barely register the swipe of something across your face and you assume Oikawa is wiping off the blood. And in a way you’re right. Except instead of a wipe, it’s his tongue languidly licking you clean.

You taste even better than you smell and he can’t hold himself back. He had only wanted a little taste, but there’s no turning back now. Your whimpers of confusion as cold fingers swiftly undress you are quickly shushed and then all you know is a blinding piercing pain followed by an ecstasy you never thought was possible.

All he had wanted was a meal, but you’re insistent on giving him a show as well and who is he to deny your gracious gift? He groans as the scent of your arousal intermingles with the heady tang of your blood, fangs sinking in slightly deeper than he had intended as he unconsciously ruts against your hapless body. With a gasp he lifts himself from your neck, practically growling in impatience and lust as he shoves his shorts and boxers down until his throbbing cock is freed.

He cruelly laughs at how you writhe and moan beneath him, pitifully begging for more, more, more. Pathetic little human. You don’t even know what you’re asking for and his cock twitches at how cute you’d look, terrified at the realization of what he is, what he had done to you, and how you had liked it, loved it even. He’s almost tempted to pull you out of your forced haze now, wondering if your horrified screams would be even more melodic than your wanton moans. But there’s no time for that now and he wants his first time to be uninterrupted, even as adorable as you are when you fight back.

With all your walls forced to come crashing down, you really are an insatiable creature and he darkly grins at how much of a slut you truly are, practically gushing and cumming with every bite. He sinks his fangs into the swells of your breasts, smirking at how your own hands come to roll and twist your nipples, a silly smile spreading across your face. He travels down, moaning as he sees how much slick you’ve accumulated between your legs, piercing your inner thigh and forcing your thrusting hips to stay still as he feasts on you, mixing the blood with your sticky nectar.

You’re so close to another high and he can practically taste the way your heart is skyrocketing, feel the way your body is tightening. He’ll be damned if he misses his opportunity to be intertwined with you as you break apart once again and he rapidly adjusts himself, once again roughly sinking his fangs into the crook of your neck as he slams balls deep inside of you in one thrust.

The dual sensation is more than enough to have you tumbling over the edge and your scream echoes as your vision turns black and white as your eyes roll into the back of your head. But unlike the previous times where Oikawa had shown mercy and given you at least some time to recover from your climaxes by slowing down his ministrations and licking your open wounds close, this time he only becomes rougher as your orgasm crashes around you.

His hips thrust in and out of you at an inhuman pace. He’s drinking so much from you that you can feel the beginning of lightheadedness from the blood loss. You’re literally dying, but all you can do is take it and moan, lost in the pleasure, lost in the haze he’s enveloped you in. And just when you think this is the end, that your life is over, you whimper, clutching the rumpled linens tight as he slams one last time inside of you and fills you full of sticky seed.

You’re a sight for sore eyes, looking absolutely fucked silly and blissed out despite the borderline grotesque rivulets of blood staining almost every inch of you. It’s like you were made to be a blood pet and despite having just had his way with you, he can feel lust stirring inside of him once again at the thought of you collared and bound to his throne, his bed, your only purpose to sustain him with the lifeforce running through your veins.

But all in due time and he calls the nurse back to attend to you once all hints of foul play are gone before walking back to practice, a thoughtful smile on his lips as he begins to plan, already thinking of what else he has in store for you and eager for another taste of you.

Didn’t you recently say you were living alone?

[babyboibucky]

Elevate Thy Hate

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Not a day goes by that you and Bucky don’t argue.

Word Count: 4,642

Warnings: Cliché plot but slight angst, self-doubt and Bucky being a loveable idiot who sucks at communicating

A/N: Surprise one-shot because I just remembered I wrote this like...last year lmfao

MAIN MASTERLIST

-

You woke up feeling great and excited. The mission was finally finished, debriefings were done and reports have been submitted. Everyone was given an entire week to get some rest and since rest days were pretty rare, you truly looked forward to this day.

Before you could even saunter in the kitchen, you had already heard the chatters from your fellow Avengers. One particular voice irked you though but hell no, you weren’t going to let one Bucky Barnes ruin your day.

A chorus of good mornings greeted you as soon as you walked into the kitchen. Nat and Steve were on one side of the counter sipping their coffee while Sam and Wanda were finishing up their food. Tony and Bruce were out of sight, probably holed up in the lab doing experiments as usual. Bucky didn’t acknowledge you and quickly headed out of the kitchen, thankfully. You weren’t in the mood to pick a fight.

Walking up to the cupboards, you quickly grabbed you favorite cereal and proceeded to pour it out on your bowl. None came out though. You peeked inside bag and saw that only crumbs of it were left.

“Who the—“

Everyone was already pointing at Bucky when you turned around to ask. And of course, Bucky did it on purpose because he stood there at the end of the hallway, watching you with smug grin on his face.

“I hope your day sucks.” He said and flipped you the bird before turning around to walk away.

You groaned out loud, ignoring the amused chuckles from everyone else in the kitchen.

“I’m not stooping down to your level, asshole! I hope your day is average!”

The day was fortunately uneventful, except for your ruined breakfast care of Bucky. You were determined not to let that annoy you for the rest of the day. So far, so good. You could only wish it’d continue that way for the rest of the week.

-

“I told you not to rush!” Bucky snapped.

“I had him already! If you didn’t throw that goddamn smoke grenade I would’ve killed him!” You explained.

You could see Sam shaking his head in frustration. Bucky always had to blame something on you even though you weren’t the one at fault.

Bucky snorted, “He had a sniper for fuck’s sake! One shot and you’re dead.”

“Oh wow, says the one who got shot before I did.” You rolled your eyes at Bucky.

The two of you continued to bicker until Nat and Steve walked into the living room looking confused as you and Bucky exchanged insults while Sam remained sandwiched between the both of you on the couch.

“Who got shot?” Steve asked, glancing at you and Bucky alternately.

“Did we miss out on a mission or...?” Nat continued.

Sam chuckled, “We were playing Call of Duty and we lost.” He explained, taking the opportunity to get up from the sofa.

Steve still looked lost, something that Nat immediately picked up. “It’s a video game.” She explained.

“You two are fighting over a game?” He asked you and Bucky.

“They fight over everything.” Nat shrugged and walked out of the room with Sam tagging behind her.

“I’m outta here too, I’m so done babysitting the kids.” He muttered under his breath.

-

It was past midnight when you were in the living room alone, watching television while eating a Whopper. The lights were turned off and it was absolutely quiet in the compound, setting the perfect ambience for the crime documentary you were watching.

Not long after, you heard someone walk into the living room. It was only when your heard the familiar grunt that you realized who it was. Of course, it had to be Bucky.

“Are you eating a burger?” He asked incredulously.

“No, it’s popcorn. Of course it’s a fucking burger, are you blind or just dumb?” You snapped, your eyes still glued on the television.

“Dumbfounded that you’re eating that at this hour. No wonder you suck at cardio.” Bucky said as he sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“Are you body-shaming me?” You gasped.

Bucky snickered, “I didn’t say anything, I just said you suck at cardio.” He said, not looking at you.

You chose to ignore him and brought your attention back to the television. It was quiet for moment. You almost forgot about Bucky’s presence until of course, he decided to annoy you yet again.

“Can you pass the remote?” Bucky asked monotonously.

“No.”

Silence.

“This show sucks.” He commented.

You were focused on the show but noticed that Bucky was staring at you.

“Can you please pass the remote?” He asked again.

“In case you didn’t notice, I’m watching. I was here first. I hold the rights to control the remote.” You deadpanned, refusing to look at him.

There was a flash of black and gold right before your eyes. Everything happened quickly and the next thing you knew, Bucky was hovering above you, trapping you between his body and the arm rest of the sofa.

“The fuck, Barnes?! Get off of me!” You protested and started pushing him away.

“You gotta work on your reflexes, darling.” He said, finally leaning away from you, remote now in his hand.

He grinned triumphantly and switched the channel before placing the remote inside his sweatpants, “Want to switch the channel? Come and get it.” he taunted as he leaned back on the couch, opening his legs wide as he showed off how the remote created a tent in his sweatpants.

That was the remote...right? You mentally slapped yourself for actually thinking about what Bucky was packing beneath those pants and frowned.

“You’re an asshole and a disgusting one.” You told him.

“God, I hate you.” You muttered and crumpled the wrapper of your burger before throwing it at Bucky.

Deciding that you didn’t want to argue any further, you got up and left the living room, but not without telling Bucky again how much you hated him for making your life miserable.

“The feeling is mutual.” You heard him say.

-

The petty fights with Bucky went on and on during that entire week of rest. Despite the arguments, there were small moments of kindness shared between you and the soldier.

“Where are you going dressed up so nicely?” You asked Bucky upon seeing him walk into the kitchen wearing a leather jacket on top of a black shirt, dark, tight-fitting jeans and a pair of Doc Martens.

It was meant as an insult, of course. You took every opportunity to tease Bucky and his newfound sense of fashion. Said fashion meant his taste for very millennial outfits despite his old age.

“Grocery.” He replied as he went over to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.

“Ooh, can you buy me Starbucks on your way back? I’ll pay.” You asked kindly.

Bucky just stared at you as he drank from his glass of water. He slammed it on the counter before walking past you.

“Not a damn chance.”

He did buy you Starbucks though. It didn’t shock you that much considering that the both of you didn’t hate on each other all the damn time. But what surprised you was that he brought you your usual drink and your favorite pastry too.

Steve must have forced him to do so, probably told his best friend your usual orders as well so you made a note to thank him as soon as they got back.

And thank Steve you did, but you didn’t expect the reply that you got.

“Oh was that the reason why Bucky kept bugging me about stopping by Starbucks?” Steve asked.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “What do you mean? I thought he told you I asked him to buy me Starbucks.”

Steve chuckled, “I guess now I know why he wouldn’t shut up about it.” he said, amusement laced in his tone.

“I don’t understand, Cap.” you said.

Steve just smiled at you in response before squeezing your shoulder, “Maybe you will understand soon.”

And with that, he left you feeling even more confused. You honestly didn’t understand the context of the conversation so you decided to just ignore it. Steve sometimes would say weird shit that none of the Avengers knew about. You dismissed it and thought that maybe it was Steve being a decade old, it was probably an old man thing.

You decided to make coffee for Bucky the following day, as a simple gesture to thank him for the Starbucks. He didn’t ask you to pay him back so you felt obligated to do a little something for him. You were an asshole to him sometimes, yes, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to give credit where credit is due.

Okay, so maybe you didn’t really hate Bucky. If you did actually hate him, the entire team would probably do something about it. Maybe force the two of you to talk things out. The hatred was all fun and games, everyone seemed to be amused by it too.

You still considered Bucky your friend despite the constant bickering. You had to admit, the arguments were pretty fun.

Although, you were wondering whether Bucky felt the same about considering you as his friend. Sometimes, his attitude towards you confused the hell out of you.

One day he’d eat the chocolate you’ve been saving up for cheat day just to spite you. And it definitely did because you ended up cursing him out loud when you saw him munching on it. The next day he brought you a new one. You were watching Netflix when he waltzed into the living room and threw a bar of chocolate at your lap before walking out without saying a word.

These exchange of small yet kind (and confusing) gestures remained unacknowledged. You didn’t know why but you also didn’t feel the need to talk about them. You weren’t going to lie but Bucky’s random acts of kindness would always put a smile on your face.

-

The vacation unfortunately came to an end and everyone had to go back to saving the world. All of you were gathered in the conference room with Fury for a briefing about the next mission. It wasn’t as big as the last one but it still required a lot of planning.

After explaining the mission, Fury let Steve take over the meeting to strategize.

Some were assigned to do surveillance around the parameter while some were appointed to do all the groundwork. Steve of course, just had to partner you with Bucky to do the actual infiltration given that your skills complemented each other’s.

You grinned and was prepared to roast Bucky’s ass when you turned to him and was met with a scowl. He shook his head with what you assumed was disappointment and turned away from you.

It was the first time he ever dismissed you like that. Sure, you were rude to each other but the look that Bucky gave you wasn’t a teasing one. He wasn’t mocking you nor frustrated. Bucky seemed to really hate the idea of being partnered with you. It was the first time that the two of you had to work together without anyone else. Usually, Steve or Sam joined but for this mission, it was just you and Bucky. Concluding that he must have woken up at the wrong side of the bed, you chose to ignore your gut feeling and focused back to Steve.

After the meeting, everyone else exited the room and started with the preparations for the mission. As you walked down the hallway leading to your bedroom, you heard some soft chattering coming from Steve’s bedroom.

You were supposed to ignore it until you heard your name, making you stop in your tracks.

“I can’t be partnered with her, Steve.”

Bucky.

“Buck, just go with it. I can’t be changing assignments at the last minute.” Steve explained.

Bucky sighed, “You know I can’t function properly when she’s around, let alone be partnered with her. She distracts me, Steve. Her skills distract me and I swear on our friendship, I would end up dying on this assignment.”

“You’re being overly dramatic, Buck. Just suck it up, pal. Do the mission and get it over with.”

“Steve, you don’t understand. I really can’t deal with her. Especially if it’s just the two of us. You know how much I fucking—“

“Hate me?”

You couldn’t help but interject in their conversation. How could you not? Bucky was complaining about how he couldn’t deal with you. It really hurt hearing Bucky say all those things about you. Sure, you were somewhat new to the team and you didn’t have superpowers nor years of training like the rest. But you worked your ass off to be in this position. And for him to say that he couldn’t function with you being around struck a nerve. The last thing on your mind was to hold back your teammates, that’s why you train twice, thrice as hard.

Steve and Bucky stared at you as if they’ve seen a ghost. It’s as if all their blood was drained out of their body when they saw you step inside the room. Bucky was about to say something but you decided to cut him off, not wanting to hear more about how he doesn’t want to be partnered with you.

“We don’t get along that well, I get that. But I honestly thought that our arguments were harmless. Hell, I consider us friends. I didn’t think that you actually hated me.” Your voice quivered because you were truly, deeply hurt.

“That’s not what I meant.” Bucky insisted.

“You literally said that you might end up dying because of being partnered with me, Bucky! Look, I know that I don’t have a super serum running through my veins. I can’t move things with my mind and I can’t come up with life-changing tech. I wasn’t trained since childhood nor have the perfect aim. But I worked hard to be in this team. I trained hard not to be a burden to anyone and I’m sorry if my skills aren’t up to your standards.”

What did you even do to Bucky for him to hate you this much?

“Don’t worry, I won’t burden you. Once this mission is over, I won’t bother you anymore. Ever.” You said before walking out of the way, ignoring Bucky when he had repeatedly called your name.

-

The ride to the location was filled with tension. Although everyone else had no idea what happened, they somehow knew that the tension had something to do with you and Bucky.

Thankfully, the quinjet was big enough for you not to end up sitting beside Bucky.

“You okay?” Wanda asked, noticing how restless you were.

What you heard definitely affected you in more ways than one. You kept on double checking your weapons, your gadgets and you even ended up doubting yourself. Were you really equipped to be an Avenger? Steve said that Bucky was merely overacting but what if he was right? What if you weren’t skilled enough to protect him or your teammates?

“That’s not true.” Wanda said out of the blue. “I didn’t mean to read your mind, though. Your thoughts are coming off too strong, kinda hard to ignore.” She said apologetically.

You softly laughed, “I should really be staying away from you.” You joked.

Wanda smiled and placed her hand on top of yours, “I mean it though. You’re amazing at what you do. I don’t understand why you’re doubting yourself about being an Avenger.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you offered Wanda a grateful smile. You noticed that Bucky had been staring at you the entire time but simply ignored him. You weren’t going to let him snap you out of your focus.

-

Once on location, everyone started to split up and listened for Steve’s orders through the comms. You and Bucky managed to get inside the base, all thanks to Nat and the Hulk who handled all the guards.

The building was completely empty when the two of you walked around in search of the hidden quarters where all the intel were kept.

Bucky whistled to get your attention, you turned and saw that he was motioning towards what seemed to be a regular brick wall. However, there were a few bricks out of place and upon examining it, you realized it was some sort of a secret door. You managed to figure out which bricks to push and thankfully, it didn’t take you long enough to open the door which revealed an old, steel elevator.

“We found the entrance, Steve.” Bucky said into the comms.

“Careful in there, there were suspiciously a few guards within the parameters. They all might be in there.” Nat warned.

You heaved out a deep breath before stepping into the elevator with Bucky trailing behind you. There was only one button in the elevator, a red one.

“Can someone scan the elevator and make sure this button won’t set off any boobie trap or something?” You asked nervously as you inspected the elevator for any hidden traps.

The comms cracked with Sam’s voice. “Button is safe although...” he trailed.

“Although what?” Bucky asked, examining the elevator as well.

“You’re in for a long ride.”

You frowned, “How long?” You asked.

“Can’t see. It’s way too deep.”

Sam was able to scan the entire base and true enough, the elevator would lead deep down into the hidden laboratory. How deep into the ground it was, none could tell. Neither Sam nor Tony’s technology could see through due to the lack of signal. Steve said it might be dangerous to proceed given that there were no other ways into the lab except for the elevator.

The lack of signal down there meant no communication.

“Guys, I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue with this mission.” Steve said.

“But we’re so close, Steve.” You said.

“I think Steve is right. It’d be hard to call for back up when things go south.” Bucky interjected, not even sparing you a glance.

You snorted. Bucky sure wasn’t overacting when he was complaining about your skills. He definitely didn’t trust you. You weren’t going to settle for that.

“We won’t need any back up.”

And with that, you pressed the red button and completely ignored everyone’s warnings through the comms. Bucky looked at you with disbelief and tried to press the red button again in hopes of halting the elevator. However, the brick wall had closed and the elevator started its descent.

“Why the fuck did you do that?!” He yelled and tried to search the elevator for some sort of stop button.

“We’ll follow soon!” Steve’s voice was the last you heard before your comms completely lost its signal.

“Christ, we don’t even know whether it’s the lab that’s down there!” Bucky said, continuing his search for anything that would bring the both of you up to the ground floor.

“I’m not as stupid as you think I am. All secret doors lead to a top secret room and no, we won’t be needing any back up because I am totally capable of taking down anyone who gets in the way.” You stubbornly replied and leaned against the wall.

You wondered how long the elevator ride was going to be. At the speed that it’s going, it wasn’t impossible to take at least fifteen to twenty minutes if the lab was really far down into the ground. Bucky’s frustration was evident from the way he kept on inspecting the elevator walls. At first it was easy to ignore but Bucky was becoming more and more desperate to find a way to go back up.

“Your desperation to stay away from me is just...astounding.” You said with a bitter chuckle.

“I’m finding a way to get out of here, not away from you.” Bucky explained calmly.

You shook your head, “You don’t trust me to keep you alive, I get it. But can you tone it down even for just a bit?” You spat at him.

Bucky pressed the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated sigh, “You don’t need to keep me alive.”

“Of course not, you don’t need me to do so ‘cause you’re so capable. How did I not think of that?” At this point, you couldn’t stop the word vomit.

You had tons of things to say to Bucky to prove to him that you were totally good at what you do, that he didn’t need to underestimate you just because you were a new addition to the team.

“That’s not what I mean.” Bucky explained again.

It was starting to annoy you that the more you were becoming agitated, the calmer he was becoming. And he kept on telling you that he meant differently with his statements but he never really attempted to further explain his side.

“Then what do you mean, Bucky?” You pressed. “What did I ever do to you for you to hate me this much? Did I say something offensive? Do I have to train 24/7 for you to think that I deserve to be working alongside the Avengers?” You kept on babbling on and on and on.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand, “I don’t hate you, okay?” He doesn’t even spare you a look.

All this time, he was looking at anything but you and it was really getting on your nerves.

“See? You keep on telling me that you don’t hate me but you can’t even look at me! I mean, if you really loathe me then own up to it! It hurts me more that you keep on denying it when you can’t even explain a damn thing. At least tell me why!” You were never an emotional person and Bucky knew that, so when he finally turned to look at you, he was surprised to see you on the verge of tears.

“Hey, hey...” Bucky coaxed and tried to hold you but you stepped away from him.

“Just please tell me why, Buck. Tell me and I promise to stay away. If you think I suck at being an Avenger to the point of irritating you, tell me so I can train my fucking ass off until you deem me fit to be an Avenger. If my jokes offended you, I’m sorry. If I—“

“It’s because I like you.”

“...what?”

Bucky Barnes...likes you? It’s as if the silence went on forever inside the elevator that seemed to keep going. How long were the two of you inside it anyway? You couldn’t tell anymore and you didn’t know whether Bucky was simply fooling around with you.

“That’s not funny.” You said.

Bucky shook his head, “It’s not a joke.”

You stared at him doubtfully, “Explain.” You demanded.

Bucky licked his lips and let out a soft chuckle, “I’m an idiot.” He said.

“That doesn’t explain anything. If any, I’d think you’re simply fucking with me.” You pointed out and crossed your arms over your chest.

That seemed to urge Bucky to finally explain. “What you heard in Steve’s room was correct.”

“So you really hate me.”

Bucky groaned, “Let me finish, please?” He pleaded. When you remained silent, he continued to explain himself.

“You really do distract me during missions. Because you’re so amazing and I never doubted your skills. But I also get worried and I hate it when I see you in pain or wounded and it fucking distracts me. I didn’t want to be partnered with you because when I see you, I just...fuck. I like you that much. You kick someone’s ass and I’d end up watching you with awe that it’d cause me my own demise. That’s what I meant. That I’d probably end up dying because whenever you’re around, you have my full attention.”

The anger within you dissipated just like that. You could feel your face heat up from Bucky’s unexpected confession.

“But you’re an asshole to me.” You pointed out.

Bucky laughed, “Because that’s how I get your attention. You walk into a room with a kind-hearted super soldier, a witty bird brain and a few more intelligent men and yet I’d be the first one you’d acknowledge. With a snarky comment but still, attention is attention. It’s the only way I get to interact with you without feeling awkward. I suck at conversations, I mean, you heard me and though I was hating on you when I was merely blabbering to Steve about how much I like you.”

This time, you couldn’t hold back your laughter. All along, Bucky was finding a way to talk to you even though it meant constant arguments over the pettiest things. To be fair though, he really did suck at communicating.

“I’m sorry that it came across like that.” Bucky apologized sincerely. “I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.” He admitted.

You shrugged, “Oh but it does. In fact, it changes everything.”

Bucky’s face fell.

“Because I think I like you too and I kinda want for things to change. For the better of course.” You grinned.

Bucky chuckled and scratched his forehead bashfully, “You think, huh? Not sure?” He asked and turned to you just as the elevator doors opened.

Indeed, it led to the lab where almost all of the targets stayed. The man nearest the elevator had his gun pointed at Bucky but before he could even pull the trigger, Bucky had thrown his knife at him without even sparing a glance and choked the next guy to attack with his metal arm before throwing him towards a group of armed men. He was just gazing at you with a smittened smile.

“Still not sure about liking me back?”

Impressed at his gesture, you smirked.

“Now I am.”

-

By the time Steve, Nat and Sam walked out of the elevator, the mission had already been done. You walked towards the trio and handed Steve a USB.

“All their data is already saved there. Wiped out their entire system clean too.” You told him, voice chirpy and all.

Bucky was right behind you, a couple of folders in his hands before handing them to Sam, “Lotsa confidential info in there too which includes our next targets.” he said and walked past Sam with a certain jump in his steps.

The three exchanged glances before looking around the entire lab. Men were scattered on the floor, most were dead and others heavily injured.

“What the hell happened here?” Nat asked, avoiding the injured men on the ground as she walked around.

“The mission happened, Nat. All that matters now is that everything has been resolved. I mean, everything.” You said meaningfully and threw Bucky a flirty smile before walking into the elevator.

He followed suit and saluted at the three before pushing the red button. The doors weren’t even closed yet when Bucky couldn’t hold back and quickly leaned to press a soft kiss on your lips. An action that definitely didn’t go unnoticed by the three. You couldn’t help but chuckle when you noticed their reactions before the elevator closed.

Said trio stood there dumbfounded and confused as hell. Early on, the tension between you and Bucky was felt by everyone. The kind of tension then wasn’t even a sexual one. It was so intense that Nat was actually expecting to see you and Bucky at each other’s throats when they got down to the lab.

“Guess that the long ass elevator ride did something. Whatever was in that elevator seems interesting. Wanna go check it out, Nat?” Sam asked suggestively.

Steve chuckled and shook his head.

Nat simply smirked and walked past Sam, “In your dreams, Wilson.”

-

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3

Sign up on my tag list here - https://forms.gle/b5haFXewSKqnXxxh7

[legalandnotease]

It is mostly due to protaganist-centered morality and a lot of Tony Fans not having watched the movies which don't have Tony in them.

They take everything Tony says at face value without considering whether his actions match his words, or the previous history of the person he is supporting. The says that The Avengers need to be put in check and he *looks* like he's acting responsible, so they side with him.

They forget though that the government in the MCU has a history of weaponizing enhanced people and a history of causing insane levels of death and destruction. What Steve is saying about the government being corrupt wasn't some theoretical idea: it actually happened.

3 out of the 4 events that Ross blamed the Avengers for in Civil War were directly caused by the government or people associated with the government. The government were going to nuke New York in Avengers 1, the government were going to use Project Insight to wipe out millions of Civilians in Winter Soldier. Crossbones/Rumlow a former SHIELD although really a HYDRA operative was responsible for the Lagos bombing.

Its also kind of signifigant that Ross didn't mention that little incident in Haarlem which he himself caused - spoiler for the Incredible Hulk. He created another rage monster and set him loose in downtown Haarlem to try and take down Hulk.

Tony basically want the Avengers to sell themselves out to a government with *that* history. He's also blaming his entire team for his actions with Ultron. His position can essentially be summed up this: "I fucked up therefore *you* must take the fall"

They also (wrongly) blame Steve for all the chaos that happened in Romania when that was really Ross and T'Challa's doing more than anybody else's.

They then tend to whinge and whine about Steve "being selfish" or breaking the law to help Bucky- but forget Tony did the exact same thing for Pepper in Iron Man III, and Clint did the same thing for Natasha (except he killed more people in the process). Thst's where the protaganist-centered morality comes in. Its acceptable for their fave to do *morally questionable* thing but not for anybody else.

Finally yes: Tony did indeed break the Accords. Twice. Before the end of the movie. Once when he got an undocumented child involved in the airport fight and once when he went to Siberia without official authoriziation.

Which is basically classic Tony BTW. He ignores the rules as soon as they become inconvenient to him. The difference is that Tony gets away with such ting and isn't called out because the narrative frames him as doing if for the "right" reasons.

*Spoler alert for CA: BNW* As satisfying as it was to see Ross incarcerated in the Raft, i'd have loved to see Tony beind bars at some point too, but being the Mary Sue, Tony never suffers the consequences for anything. He's not allowed to.

So why do they stilll support Tony in light of all the above? Its simple reallly: in their mind Tony can never be wrong (even when he is) but more than that. Steve commited the unforgivable sin. He hurt Tony's feelsies. He kept a secret to save the life of his best friend (HOW DARE HE LOVE ANYBODY more than Tony!) and that makes him totally and 100% wrong about everything.

At least, that's how they view things.

The above is also the reason why many Tony Stans still hate Bucky to this day. He also commited the unforgivable sin of hurting Tony. That's why they will dismiss his mind control - but stil try to "manipulation" as an excuse for Tony's actions.

Also none of the good he's done since Civil War or the way he's redeemed himself counts to them. Nor will it ever.

This is a genuine 100% not in bad faith question for team Tony/pro Slovakia accords. Why was Steve in the wrong? This is genuinely not me saying anything in bad faith This is JUST what I know as someone who has literally not watched anything mcu ever.

From what I gather, basically anyone who has powers would be forced to register with the government and would not be able to use those powers without government permission. That...doesn't seem like a good thing???? It sounds very tyrannical actually?? Like forcing people against their will to sign with a government (and what sounds like their rights to use their own powers??) Doesn't seem like something a select group of people should decide for the fate of EVERYONE after them? I get they need reform but like from what I gather it doesn't seem like Steve was in the wrong. And someone said Tony broke the accorda himself which...only further adds to they don't sound like a good idea AT ALL. So genuinely curious, why team Tony?

[captain-lonagan]

A Mad Rant About Chase Davenport: A DisneyXD Character That Hasn’t Been On Air Since 2016

If you opened this post you know who he is. You know what Lab Rats is. You know why I’m here and you’re in this shit with me.

I am going to set up one quick thing, though. Disney has Unofficial Rules for how their sitcom casts look and Lab Rats was no exception to those rules. This means Chase’s actor doesn’t exactly represent what we are Told about Chase and his appearance/age. For this analysis we’re not going to look at the screen for what Chase looks like, we’re going to look at the script. The beloved leo-dooley-lab-rats did some looking and calculated that at episode one of Lab Rats, Chase is either 14 or 15. Every character in the show calls Chase small, a runt, wimpy, etc, and it’s worth noting that he’s also the youngest of his siblings. So when I talk about Chase, his self perception, his deal with masculinity, I ask you to not picture Billy Unger but instead imagine a skinny 14/15 year old boy. A little gamer rat of a kid. Cool that’s it let’s go.

Chase’s primary bionic ability is extreme intelligence, from day one of life this kid has had a super computer built into his brain. This extreme intelligence is why he’s granted the position of Team Leader despite being the youngest and smallest. This enhanced intelligence Especially stands out next to Adam, who iirc had his intelligence artificially knocked down by his bionic chip in order to balance out being super strong. So Chase spends the first 14/15 years of his life locked in a basement with nobody but his siblings, Eddie The Wall Menace, and Donald Davenport. Davenport isn’t exactly mature or wise or a good role model or at all suited to raise three children and yet he’s the only caretaker Chase had growing up. Davenport’s emphasis on the importance of intellect above all else, his focus on Chase’s intelligence, his jibes at Adam’s intelligence, and his misogyny (which isn’t very intense but definitely Exists) would and definitely did effect Chase. This isn’t me blaming Davenport for everything or saying Chase is beyond blame, I just think it’s important to recognize that Chase’s developmental years were spent in Donald Davenport’s gamer cave and the only people he ever spoke to were his siblings and a robot that hated him. Speaking of siblings, Bree and Adam mock Chase for being small all the time. Like at least two jokes per episode levels of all the time. Davenport makes the jokes a little less iirc but he definitely still makes them and god knows Eddie makes them. 

And that’s his life for 14 years.

Shock And Awe Chase is actually kind of an asshole in Lab Rats. He’s controlling, he’s got an insane superiority complex, and he demeans and sabotages anyone that he considers competition. Oh my god it’s almost like this kid was raised being called Team Leader and getting bullied by that team for being small and told his only value was his intelligence which isn’t even technically his own intelligence it’s a super computer welded onto his brain oh my god who could’ve imagined he wouldn’t turn out so great woooow. He’s the smartest man alive and he’s got the need to prove it because that’s what matters, right? It doesn’t matter that his big brother throws him across their room and his sister laughs, because Chase is the smartest boy ever. The robot that watches them from the walls calls him weak and a girl but it’s fine he’ll win in the end because he’s Smart. He’s also got that same low level Disney Sitcom misogyny that all the 2000’s and early-to-mid 2010’s Disney shows have. The beloved hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon once said:

“Chase has to get over his misogyny. Like it's funny his misogyny is not because he thinks women are less than men in general he just thinks everyone is stupider than him specifically and he's a man so a girl must be dumber than him. He needs to get over that, and it needs to be intellectually. He's aware any given woman on the planet could kick his ass physically. He needs to learn that computer brains can only go so far.”

And that last sentence is what a better show would’ve fixated on for giving Chase an arc and making him grow as a person. He’s put his entire value on his STEM smarts because he’s not only been taught that he’s terrible at every other skill or type of intelligence, he’s also been taught that those other skills and intelligences are unimportant and worthless anyway. He’s barely a teenager and he grew up in a weird as fuck, closed off environment so ideally as he grows up and away from that place he’ll also grow as a person.

Sadly Lab Rats was a Disney channel show so that never happened.

Chase’s flaws are openly discussed but only ever as a joke. There’s never any deep-dive into why the fuck he’s such a fucked up little man or any attempts to grow. It’s just, “Here’s Chase. Freaky little man. Girly. Has nearly killed people when trying to prove to himself and others that he’s worth something. Weird, right? Wimpy. Anyway -” like Bruh. 

For FOUR SEASONS Chase NEVER evolves as a character. like yeah disney sitcoms rarely have character growth but Lab Rats had an actual canonical timeline of events with Supervillains and Plot Developments and CGI, they claimed to be Different from the rest of the disney linup AND YET THE CHARACTERS REMAIN STATIC. Hell when his character gets carried over to the mighty med crossover series (Lab Rats: Elite Force) and he has to deal with Superheroes (the embodiment of “computer brains can’t beat or explain everything”) his mental state never changes. Chase should’ve had breakdowns on bathroom floors. He should’ve gotten his shit wrecked, and his old bones broken so that they could heal into a healthier shape. He should’ve gotten a friend other than his siblings that wouldn’t betray him, that would support him but still call him out for being an asshole, that could show him there’s more to life than calculations. Give him reason to grow and then let him grow.

but chase hasn’t been on the air since 2016 and disney did him dirty when he was on air anyways so fml guess i’ll spend the rest of my days imagining the wacky adventures of chase and his wizard bestie (who is, crucially, a girl that doesn’t excel in computer smarts but is still an intellectual equal) who wingman for each other (badly, but they try)

[lipstickstainz]

true lies - s. r. (1/15)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Series Summary: Spencer is furious, when you rejoin the team after a year and after you left him, when he got arrested. Little does he know, that you leaving him was the only option to ever get him out of prison.

Chapter Summary: Spencer and you have your first encounter, after you left him a year ago. Spoiler: it doesn’t go well. 

Warnings: angst, secrets, swearing I think, typical criminal minds stuff

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: tadaaaaa. it’s finally here! my first series! tell me if you liked it! love you! gif not mine.

Series Masterlist

The first thing you notice is the complete silence that takes over the room. The last time you had been here, it had been crowded and so noisy that you could hardly understand your own words. People had been everywhere, talking or exchanging theories, but your gaze was fixed on the desk overflowing with books. Now there are only files, carefully sorted and stacked on top of each other.The office is empty, no agents, no witnesses.  No one. You take a deep breath.

It's been some time since you've been here. Almost a year, but everything in this building is all too familiar to you. The coffee maker just waiting to be used in the kitchen. The law books gathering dust on a shelf. It feels like you've never been away.

"Y/N," a woman's voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You have to tear your gaze away from the desk in front of you, and your eyes find a tired, yet incredibly good-looking Emily Prentiss standing outside her office door, smiling at you like you just saw each other yesterday.

"It's good to see you," you say, and she wraps you in her arms after she closes the office door behind you. It feels good to finally have her by your side again; after all, you had been best friends before you left. You hug her one last time before carefully pulling away from her and sitting down in the chair in front of her desk.

"It's good to see you, too," she replies, dropping into her chair. She places her hands on the desk and interlaces her fingers. "Of course, I'd love to know how you've been this past year, but I'm afraid that will have to wait." She opens a drawer to her right and reaches for a file-your personnel file, you realize-and lays it open in front of her. "I've been informed that my request has been approved and you'll be rejoining our team," she says, smiling briefly at you. "It took a favor, but you're well worth it to me."

Your stomach tightens at the thought of Emily owing someone. You swallow the sour feeling spreading down your throat and nod at her. "Thank you, Emily."

She tilts her head and her gaze slides from your face to your kneading hands. "You're not happy with this, it seems. What's wrong?" Emily doesn't need to profile you to know something is bothering you. She knows you too well to miss the change in your behavior.

"I don't know if this is a good idea," you confess.

"And why is that?" asks Emily, but she already knows the answer. She knows what happened a year ago, and she certainly knows more than you do, because she had been here for the last year, after all. Before you can answer her, the door opens and a colorful person comes in.

"Good morning, my beautiful and strong boss," the one and only Penelope Garcia speaks without looking up from her iPad. "We have a new case that I would like to discuss with you before the whole team arrives. It's about -" When Emily doesn't answer her, she looks up and her gaze immediately lingers on you. You're surprised she doesn't drop the tablet on the floor as she rushes toward you to yank you out of the chair and into her arms. "Y/N! What a relief for my tired brain to see your beautiful face! Am I dreaming?" She breaks away from you and gives Emily a look. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming. I couldn't take it."

A smile spreads across Emily's face. "You're not dreaming, Pen. Y/N is actually back."

"Oh, how wonderful!" she squeals, pushing her glasses back up with her index finger. While she says something else to Emily, you look at her. She really hasn't changed in the last year. She's still the colorful bird of the BAU, and that's a good thing.

You notice yourself starting to smile, but then she utters the thing that erases the smile from your lips. "How's Reid doing? Have you guys talked yet?"

Emily makes a hand gesture for Penelope to drop the subject, but your expression has instantly changed when she said his name. It stabs you in the heart and cold shivers run down your spine, and only with difficulty can you suppress the tremors that want to overtake your body.

"I'm afraid the team is already here," Emily interrupts the silence and casts a glance out the window into the open-plan office. Even if you want to follow her gaze, you don't dare and your body is still in rigidity. She gets up from her chair and walks towards the door, but before she opens it, she turns to you once more. "If you need more time, that's fine. Take all the time you need. But your place is here with us, Y/N. We're your family." And with that, she and Penelope leave the office.

She's right. The BAU is your family - even if you hadn't seen or spoken to any of the family members in the last year - and walking out now wouldn't change the situation. The circumstances under which you left - had to leave - were anything but normal, and you hope that your decisions would be met with understanding, but you can't count on that. So you tighten your shoulders, push through your back, and follow them into the conference room. Your heart beats up to your neck and your hands sweat as you stop on the doorstep.

Your gaze fixes on the youngest team member, except for you. His brown curls are a little shorter than they were a year ago, and it doesn't take you ten seconds to notice that it's not the Spencer Reid you know sitting at the table. The year had changed him. Your absence had changed him.

Rossi is the first to notice you, which is because he glances over his shoulder. "Who do we have here?" he asks playfully, before rising from his chair and taking you in his arms. But you're only peripherally aware of that. Your concentration is on Spencer, who stares at you unblinkingly before jumping up and storming out of the room. JJ, sitting next to him, reaches for him, but he wriggles out of her grip and he runs past you so fast that it's easy to call it an escape. JJ smiles weakly at you before putting her hand on your arm. She doesn't need to say anything, her look tells you that she's glad you're back, but you're also aware that she wants to take care of Spencer, so you nod at her and wordlessly she follows the genius of the team.

The rest greet you with great joy, Rossi presses a kiss on your cheek and Alvez puts his arm around your shoulders, but you look out the window and see Spencer and JJ talking. His face is red and even though you can't hear his words or read his lips, you know exactly what it's about. The blonde tries to calm him down, wanting to put her hands on his shoulders to make him stop shaking, but he avoids her and takes a step back. The gesture is enough, as she drops her arms and doesn't follow him either when Spencer leaves the bullpen. You know he won't be back in the next few minutes.

Garcia tells you about the case and you try to focus on her words as best you can, but again and again your mind wanders to Spencer. His reaction to your return is understandable and you don't judge him for it. You have no right to do so; after all, you are responsible for his condition. You hope that soon there would be a quiet moment when you could talk about the past, but you are not optimistic. He pushed JJ away from him a few minutes ago, which is definitely not a good sign. You try to push the thoughts of him to the back of your mind; after all, there's a case to solve, and although the current situation isn't ideal, you're looking forward to it. It's been a long time since you've worked properly.

"All right," Emily says, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Wheels up in thirty."

"Hey," JJ addresses you as you freshen up in the ladies' room. You glance at her in the mirror and she smiles at you. "Are you okay?" You both know this question is purely rhetorical. She is, after all, Spencer's best friend. Aside from the two of you, she probably knows best what's been going on, but still not everything.

You turn around and lean against the edge of the sink. "I'm trying to get used to everything," you reply, pursing your lips into a thin line. "It's changed quite a bit while I was gone."

She nods. "Yeah, it did." She takes another step toward you. "Look, you have to give him some time, all right? This year hasn't been very nice to him. I hope you can understand that." She sounds sincere and, above all, concerned, which is why you don't resent her little speech. Of course, you're already aware of all this, but hearing it from her confirms your suspicions.

You are to blame for Spencer's condition. And there's no way you can straighten things out anytime soon.

Spencer rejoins the team only on the plane, but he avoids your proximity or your glances at all costs. He takes the seat next to Alvez, which is almost at the other end of the plane, and he is completely silent. The others, of course, notice the tension that has spread through the group since your arrival, but they all have the decency not to bring it up. But by their manner they let you know that they don't stand between you. You had been gone a long time, and they know halfway what had been going on, but they didn't take sides, and for that you are infinitely grateful.

"Alvez, JJ, Simmons. You guys talk to the families. Find out if the victims share any common traits that might connect them," Emily says, dividing the team into focus groups as usual. She glances around the group. "Rossi, Reid, Y/L/N, you go to the coroner's office while -"

"No." It's the first word Spencer has uttered since you boarded the plane. You expected his voice to be weak or to reveal any other signs of uncertainty, but the word came from his lips in a firm tone, leaving no room for discussion. Spencer looks up from the paper file and before he looks at Emily, his gaze brushes yours and at the coldness in his eyes, your blood freezes in your veins.

"All right," Emily says without elaborating. "Alvez, you switch places with Reid. Tara and I will go to the local police department and talk to the detectives. Let's catch the killer."

To say the mood on the plane hit rock bottom would be an understatement.

Forensics helps you out a bit. The victims were drugged before they died, causing hallucinations, which is probably why they self-inflicted injuries. Also, both victims have the same cut wounds in the same place. Definitely not a coincidence. Alvez has Garcia dig up some information on the way to the police station, which is why you could briefly organize your thoughts, but Rossi tells you about a new dish he'd like to cook for you sometime, and you'd been gone too long to block out your work dad. Besides, your mind would only be on Spencer and that's not moving you forward either.

"According to the relatives, none of the victims were unpopular, loners, or even depressed," JJ begins as the team gathers. You take a seat in the chair facing Spencer. When he notices, he gets up and sits somewhere else. The main thing is to get out of your sight. You sigh imperceptibly, but Luke turns in your direction and raises an eyebrow. You shake your head.

It hurts that Spencer doesn't want to be near you. In fact, it almost breaks your heart, but you can get used to that. He should go ahead and hate you. You could handle that.

The day flies by and when the team checks into the hotel in the evening, Spencer grabs one of the keys and leaves without another word. Sadly, you watch him go and Emily puts a hand on your shoulder reassuringly. Eventually, it would get better. Later on, you sit on the bed with her and tell her about the year you've been away, the people you've met, things you've experienced, but each anecdote brings you back to the one topic that makes your heart skip a beat.

"You have to tell him, Y/N," Emily suddenly says seriously, and you shake your head.

"No." It sounds almost as harsh as Spencer on the plane, but there's still some pain hovering in the air with you. "I'm not going to tell him, Emily."

"He thinks you left him because he went to prison. In his mind, you basically left him at the altar," she tries to change your mind, but to no avail. She would not succeed. You had sworn to yourself that this matter would remain a secret, something you would both take to your graves. And you have no intention of breaking that vow. "You were engaged, for gods sake" Emily's tone sharpens. "Don't you think he deserves the truth?"

"I'm not going to tell him. It's for the best."

Emily looks at you incredulously, but also knows she can't change your mind. "Best for whom?"

That night, you lie awake, tossing from side to side but unable to find sleep. You don't feel guilty about what happened. You don't question your decisions you did back then. It was the right thing to do. It bothers you because of Spencer, because of his reaction to your return, because of his hostility. JJ had asked for your understanding and you would do anything to mend fences, but you're not sure that's Spencer's intention either.

After two hours, you get up and slip into sweatpants and a sweater before leaving your room. As if of their own accord, your feet carry you down the hallway, to a destination you shouldn't be going to. As you turn into the hallway where Spencer's room is, you stop, rooted to the spot.

JJ is standing on the doorstep to his room, saying something to him before he leans down and pulls her tightly into his arms. His hair is messy, and even from this distance you can tell Spencer is leaning on JJ with all his weight. You have to swallow. How much you want a hug from him.

JJ is the first to disengage, saying goodbye to him and disappearing in the opposite direction, while Spencer stops and watches her go. There is a small smile on his face and he looks more relaxed than he did earlier in the day. As he turns to go back to his room, his gaze lingers on you. The smile disappears and his body is tense to the breaking point.

Time seems to stand still. It feels like an eternity that you stare at each other without speaking a word, but there is so much coldness in Spencer's eyes, so much pain, that you can hardly stand it and want to look away. But you're transfixed. Your hand raises of its own accord, as if in greeting, and your mouth opens, but before you can say anything, Spencer takes a step back and slams the door behind him. Only then do you realize that you've been holding your breath.

next part

- tags - 

@obsssedwithjustaboutanything // @ashwarren32 // @slytherinbth // @rexorangecouny // @candlemouse // @cloudybau

[foulfirerebel]

If I may also wade into this for like...two minutes?

There's also the factors of Salem's faction using the already unstable situation in Atlas/Mantle to their advantage, turning everyone against Ironwood until Team Remnant and Robyn exposed the truth of the matter.

Ironwood did himself no favors, however, what with the Dust Embargo causing things to be crappy in Mantle, the very little in the way of defenses, and other things that were evident even when our heroes arrived.

Even then, the situation could've been helped...had Cinder not pushed Ironwood's buttons exactly where she knew how to push them and just let him topple over anyway. Ironwood was always showing signs of villainy even as far back as V2 (throwing Ozpin under the bus, insisting on throwing the military around, etc.) and even V4 (Much as I despise Jacques Schnee, he was ultimately correct about Ironwood's power being too much).

That being said.

The original plan to warn the world was a good one, though with Ironwood showing he could flick communications off or jam them with a push of a button the optics get...a little bad on that one.

The flaw in Ironwood's plan, as @ultraericthered eloquently put it, is that he doesn't think long term and was loyal only to Atlas above all else. That's not good when you have two big cities in your kingdom and therefore in your care. Not to mention that...well, as we saw in V7 and V8, he's not good at adapting and felt almost one move away from tyranny.

I, personally, don't blame Team RWBY (not Blake, not Yang, and ESPECIALLY not Ruby) for their plans going awry. RWBY as a show never disparages secret keeping, only when things are truly relevant (see: them snapping at Oz for...everything they learned in V6, or Lionheart in V5, etc.) They had to fight an impossible situation and did their best, and got people out with both Salem's forces hunting them and Ironwood against them.

I like that they DID tell the truth at the end of the day, only for it to backfire because Ironwood's that type of guy. "Loyalty always matters" except when things are dire, then it becomes "fall in line or be declared an enemy."

A house divided cannot stand, and we saw what happened when the head authority decides that his way is what goes. It's funny how authority figures constantly fail the protagonists and some people just...completely miss it.

And yeah, Raven had nothing to do with any of that after V5 so bringing her up is irrelevant to the conversation. Bringing up Oz, or Lionheart, would be a better comparison.

James Ironwood: I am going to take Atlas into space and leave literally everyone else on Remnant to die.

RWBY antis: Oh wow this is an amazing plan and objectively the right thing to do! Why isn't this guy the hero?!

Ruby Rose: I am going to evacuate Atlas and Mantle and save as many innocents as I can.

RWBY antis: WTF this is objective a bad plan and borderline EVIL!! Ruby is so fucking selfish! Why is this selfish bitch the hero and not the literal murderous dictator?! BAD WRITING!!

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of “Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.