#instead of things being dumped there and then we're just supposed to move on

[angstandhappiness]

SUPERB IDEA AND READ

How Fairy Tail could have had a really cool thematic parallel if they Committed to the Bit:

I often joke about my constant urge to spew essays on characters and topics I have thought too much about, but I refrain because translating all the thoughts in my head to words takes time and effort, and sometimes I am speaking to the void. However. I am spinning in my chair, gnawing at the bars of my enclosure, and frankly thinking way too much right now so I must scream.

It would have been so impactful if Fairy Tail emphasized Jellal being brainwashed.

Jellal is my boy, of course, but I’m not even just talking about the impact to his character: I mean the impact of the entire plot. This, of course, if we went the whole mile with the theming. The machination of being controlled, emotionally or magically influenced, or even unable to fulfill a desire due to an insurmountable obstacle, comes up numerous times throughout the plot, to both primary characters, supporting characters, and antagonists. While Fairy Tail is absolutely a series about friendship, it is also about choosing your path, with a large recurring theme of, regardless of connotation, about being selfish, and what that means on both ends of the spectrum. It’s a matter of free will, and the antithesis to this is all manner of external control. So really, it makes sense that this should be a thoroughly explored theme.

I could talk all day about all the different examples and aspects of this but I came here to talk about Jellal. First, the slavery aspect really hits the nail on the head, so we’re off to a great start—this, of course, applicable to multiple characters, which I really enjoy. Things go wild, however, when Jellal effectively chooses to trade himself for Erza in the punishment game and gets the ever-living shit beat out of him at the ripe age of eleven or twelve years old. He is, understandably, not in a good place, and he comes to the stunning conclusion that… he hates the slavers. Yeah. Checks out. Then, he hears the voice of ‘Zeref’ spewing rhetoric about hate, and it overwhelms; this, we know in hindsight especially, to be Ultear casting a mind-fuck spell in order to manipulate him, under the guise of pretending to be a figure young Jellal believed to be a god. 

When I first saw this flashback, watching the anime, I was unbelievably hyped. For all of Fairy Tail’s odd relationship with foreshadowing, I got the gist of it as soon as the magic went into his right eye and overwhelmed him. In Japanese media especially (largely due to the prevailing symbolism of the daruma doll), the right eye is a huge indicator of free will and the future—namely one’s goals. Creepy magic ghost entering the right eye with magic-bind looking things and immediately warping Jellal’s goal? A+ delivery. Of course, at the time Zeref—an unrevealed ‘evil’ entity—seemed a likely culprit, but Ultear being the puppeteer changes little of the result. In fact, it actually creates a super interesting parallel, but more on that later.

First, there are the consequences of Jellal being an antagonist who is not in control of his actions. I see people lament that it “cheapens” the severity of the arc and provides a cop-out redemption for Jellal, and while the execution of the latter certainly could have been different, I don’t think the premise of mind alteration cheapens the overall plot and theme of Fairy Tail at all; on the contrary, it could have been used to further emphasize intra- and inter- character conflict as well as provide a super engaging parallel for the end of the series. The theme of nakama, family, and friendship is huge, so what better way to emphasize that than to show a twisted example of it?

Jellal goes from ride-or-die loyal and ‘good’ to circumstantially loyal to an ideal (and the people attached to it) and ‘evil’ with the flip of a magic switch. Erza gets the immediate short of the stick when she is the first victim (aside from Jellal himself) to this meddling, and the caring friend she had seen days or weeks before is now cruel, insane, and full of threats—threats she takes heed to as she is cast from the island. Now, Erza is also a child, and one full of trauma, so I am not trying to invalidate her fear or blame her for any outcome. This also does not dive into the intricacies of saving friends at cost to oneself, and all of the conflict thereof; if anything, the complication of the matter bolsters the drama and impact. And then, we have the rest of the squad. Sho, Wally, and Milliana buy into the idea without any trouble, and they continue to buy into it as they get older. Beyond morality, it’s a power fantasy, and those are easy for formerly powerless people to latch onto. However, Simon is the only one who realizes that something is fundamentally wrong and twisted with Jellal… and his ultimate goal, developed over the course of roughly seven to eight years, is to wait it out until he finds the opportunity to kill him, or get somebody else to do it. Ultear, even after integrating herself into the group out of nowhere, gets away with her plan, because ultimately nobody questions that Jellal’s sudden change was anything but a result of trauma and his own will—even in a world with magic, where the very first arc revolves around the use and mistreatment of charm magic.

(Now, as an aside, I unfortunately have some experience in friends suddenly changing. In real life, it is rarely so sudden and obvious, of course, and the culprit is usually those horrible little signals and hormones within the mind, and nothing so fanciful or external as magic. I had a friend take a nosedive into some truly batshit ideas—cult-starting worthy—and exhibit wild mood swings and displays of unprecedented behavior. It admittedly took me a moment to ascertain it among the known issues, but once the pieces clicked, it clicked. I wished I had noticed sooner, and even though she was more culpable of her choices than a person supernaturally influenced by an outside force, I still can’t hate her for all the harm done. This is all just to say that I have, especially in recent years, a personal perspective on this trope and an appreciation for the painful nuance.) 

Refusing to reveal this mindfuckery in the arc diminishes the severity of it a great deal, I fear. We, along with the characters, spend time believing he died an insane villain… and then when he comes back amnesiac, it softens his character but does nothing to contradict how awful he had been. It’s not until years later, arcs later, that we get this random instance of the long overdue reveal to tell us that the manipulation has been discovered off screen. Not only is this utterly underwhelming, but Jellal is now actively working with Ultear and is fine with it! He’s still (understandably, after all this damn time thinking otherwise) blaming himself and lighting his own pyre to atone for things started by a factor completely outside of his control, and every character lets him. The discussion of autonomy is wasted. So, too, is all the juicy emotional fallout. We don’t see Jellal grapple with the horrifying reality that he has not been himself, that years of his life were wasted as a mental slave instead of a physical one; we don’t see Erza beat herself up (likely unnecessarily) because she could have potentially protected him but she hadn’t out of fear, and then she condemned him unknowingly; we don’t see the others truly come to terms with the fact that Jellal had been stolen from under their noses and they never noticed; we don’t even get more than a glimpse in Ultear’s head, who committed the deed because she thought her means wouldn’t matter and then they did. 

It’s horrifying. It’s tragic. It was, perhaps, preventable—in that the problem was a punchable one, to a degree—except the people involved were just children, just human, and it wasn’t enough. Friendship and flashy magic power could not trump trauma and entrapment, not this time. No matter how I think the series could have and should have handled it (and I have several ideas, of course), Jellal’s story provides a haunting case of failure regarding the themes of friendship/community and freedom that our protagonists embody. 

Which brings me to the perfect opportunity to follow up this occurrence of stripped autonomy and loss of freedom with a culmination of the affected themes, plot points, and more: the books of Zeref. 

Namely, the idea that the etherious—sapient, cognizant, and fully capable of autonomy via every depiction given of them, from Tartaros to even Lullaby to especially Natsu—can be and have been resolutely manipulated and controlled via the books by Zeref. Now Zeref, infamously hands-off up until the finale, barely utilized this. The most we ever see is instilling a directive and supernatural need to kill Zeref in the texts, which serves as an externally imposed goal. (Sound familiar, yet?) Provided Larcade clearly doesn’t have these instincts, it is not a guaranteed addition either, which further adds to the sense of deliberation. Natsu experiences this only in the last arc, in what I assume is supposed to be a very tense and jarring plot of a friend and protagonist suddenly losing himself, but it does not get expounded on for long enough to hammer the point home. The plot point of reclaiming the book becomes about saving his life only, and not his autonomy. Not only could this have been emphasized to be properly horrifying and devastating, but the effect—and the suspense—would be doubled with the prior establishment of Jellal’s arc and the tragedy therein. 

To back up for a moment, this parallel is further accentuated by the fact that Ultear and Zeref are clear mirrors of each other. Ultear was afflicted by a magic condition outside of her control and she was enslaved as a lab rat for it. When she broke free, she perceived her mother to have abandoned her, so Ultear, in her unresolved anger and grief, aims her entire goal to rectifying it, which culminated in planning to undo the entire timeline in order to make the one she wanted all along. Any casualties, any cruelties—including the mental enslavement of a slave child—are means to an end, and will ultimately be forgotten. Zeref lost his entire family to tragedy, and in his grief, he refused to forfeit the idea of regaining what was lost, namely his brother. He became afflicted with a curse—a magic condition outside of his control—and experienced cognitive dissonance for it. Ultimately, this miserable existence culminated in the idea of erasing the timeline entirely and forging his own. Any casualties, any cruelties—including subjecting his creations to the same lack of complete cognitive control—are means to an end, and will not matter. 

I mentioned that selfishness is also a recurring theme and this is a prime example of the dark side of it. For Lucy, claiming her independence and following her own path against the wishes of her estate, it is a wondrous thing. Freedom cannot be achieved without some selfishness, and this is a wonderfully handled theme in Fairy Tail, where our protagonists unabashedly put their friends above concrete morals and follow a creed to live their life to the fullest—the eternal adventure. For characters like Ultear and Zeref, their personal desires—born of horrible tragedy and frankly understandable things to want—come at the cost of the autonomy of everyone else, especially the pawns they use to further their goal. This, in true fictional hyperbole, begs the question of where the line in the sand is to be drawn, of what is acceptable on a moral standard and what is not. It is, of course, colored by the protagonist’s point of view as clear antagonism, but as a viewer of the media it provides to us to question when protecting one’s ideal becomes irrevocably an attack on the sanctity of others. 

Which brings us back to the matter of the books. The intended horror of Natsu losing control of himself, I think, could have been really emphasized in order to highlight these aforementioned themes. Imagine if, instead of a complete menagerie of new characters as the final invading force, Zeref’s key piece of his invasion was Natsu. With the intended goal of undoing time, having Natsu kill him is no longer necessary, so it would be more pragmatic to use Natsu instead as a weapon of mass destruction for his goal. Not only is he inside of Fairy Tail, but Zeref is, theoretically, doing this for Natsu too, and he won’t remember this upon success—nevermind that the Natsu we know, that presently exists, that we have watched develop over the entirety of the series, would be forever erased regardless. 

Armed with the knowledge of what happened to Jellal, and how he ultimately had no one to intervene for him, this increases the urgency within the characters and will likely expedite their discovery of why Natsu turned against them out of nowhere. This time, a resistance is launched, and characters have the chance to intervene on the behalf of a friend. Gray couldn’t save Ur, Lucy spent years ensnared by the will of a family member, Erza didn’t recognize Jellal’s plight until it was too late, but they can save Natsu, and save him quickly. Fairy Tail, Team Natsu especially, can rewrite the book of E.N.D. solely for the great cause of freeing their friend and handing him back his free will, and in the process, Fairy Tail saves their own future as well. This doesn’t preclude the ability to free Zeref from his curse, but with or without that we have a beautiful culmination of fighting for the sake of a friend, for the individual and for the whole group. This time, friendship wins. 

I just think it could have been really cool.

[pjowasmy1stfandom]

This is something I should probably save for when I'm not supposed to be asleep. Ce' la vie or whatever

I've been wondering about what exactly Morro did to deserve getting banished to the Cursed Realm bc why not. Anyway, I have a headcanon as to how he got there exactly (taken from an amazing fic I'll probably talk about later) but I wanted to know if there was a canon reason so I went to the wiki

I guess this turned into an essay of sorts so I added a cut bc it got long what the heck

Summary isn't proving helpful. What 'previous actions'? Cause if you're talking about his being willing to defy fate, I think that could honestly be taken as either arrogance or desperation

Again with the arrogance vs desperation. He's been told by Wu for years or however long he's trained that he's the Green Ninja. He essentially was taught to associate his self-worth and competency with being the Green Ninja. And then that got taken away from him

Audacity??? Really?? Did the person who wrote the wiki watch the same episode as me?? He hadn't even hit his growth spurt yet, he still had the tiny legs! Okay, yes, waking a Grundle. Not smart. He's what, a preteen/teenager? That's kinda what they're known for

Okay, now we're getting somewhere! Aaaand nevermind. The link just took me to the summary of the episode where they do the whole entire exposition dump. From Wu's perspective. Hmmm. I wonder how the way the story was written would change if we heard it from Morro instead?? Anyway, they say he's committed atrocities, but the only atrocities I've actually seen any real proof for are the things he did during Possession, not before he ended up in the Cursed Realm. I'm not saying he didn't commit them, I'm just saying if they want me to believe he actually deserved to get cursed, they needed to give me a better idea of what he did wrong. So far, I'm just seeing a kid with an identity crisis

Oof. Awful way to go out. I mean, it could have been worse, but still. The fact that the Master of Wind died underground... Yeah, that's all sorts of levels of irony this post isn't about. Anyway, still haven't gotten any clear idea of what his 'actions' were and why they were so horrible

And honestly, I'm not even gonna touch what the wiki's saying about his personality rn. Let me just summarize it as 'literally everything is negatively spun, even the good things'. Which, yes, I get bc he is a literal antagonist, but at the same time...

Okay, moving on! Trivia!

I mostly knew this already but. Wow. That's a teenager. I'm somewhere around that age and yeah, being that age is hard. Having an extra identity/existential crisis on top of all that and having no way to actually healthily deal with that... Yep, I can see why he went evil

Okay, that's it? Just 'some bad act'??? Wait, as he perished?!? But he was in an explosion... We don't see any other skeletons around him, right? I think that'd be mentioned/shown at least ONCE. So I don't think he killed anyone...

Anyway, cool cool cool. I learned... Pretty much nothing I didn't already know. Nice. I wanna fist fight the wiki now

If anyone's curious, my headcanon is based off Land of the Living on Ao3 by CaptainBrookeworm. Basically, Morro accidentally managed to curse himself just by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time (and I highly recommend reading the fic if you haven't already, it's one of my absolute favorites)

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 26: D/J, First Kiss

Year of the OTP: January: first kiss

Daria/Jane, ~660 words, ~20 minutes

*

"So when are you taking me to the UFO convention?" Jane asks as they turn onto Howard.

Daria hesitates just long enough that Jane gets ahead of her, and she has to walk momentarily faster to catch up. It's not the question, so much as the tone of Jane's voice that catches her off guard. And the phrasing—you take me.

"Now that we're out of self-esteem class," Jane adds. "You promised me a UFO convention."

"I didn't promise," Daria answers. "I suggested."

"You're hair-splitting." Jane looks over at her, just out of the corner of her eye, but surprisingly steady. "Come on, Daria, you had a good idea. Let's go on an adventure together."

"An adventure. Something more adventurous than self-esteem class."

"Yeah. Like a road trip. We can hear about alien abductions and buy alien-themed nick-knacks and—"

"Get our pictures taken with a cardboard alien," Daria finishes.

"You're warming to the idea."

Weirdly, she is. "Well—there is one the next town over. I was saving it to torture my family, but I guess I can go somewhat less ironically with you."

"Excellent." Jane grins. This is the most decidedly, actively, fully unironically enthused Daria has ever seen her. She walks a few steps ahead and then spins around, so she's walking backwards, facing Daria head on. "It's a date."

Daria feels her face turning warm. There's that tone again. That lightly flirty tone Jane uses with her sometimes, or what she thinks is lightly flirty, though it can't possibly be.

"A date," she repeats, with some wariness.

"Yeah. You should know I don't put out on the first date. The second—maybe." She stops short at the entrance to the front walk of her own house. "If it's something fun."

"What's more fun than aliens?"

"Pretty much nothing." She smiles, but after a few moments, when neither of them makes any move to either turn onto the Lanes' front walk together or part ways, the smile grows wan and slightly forced. Then it fades entirely, and Jane looks down at their shoes. "Look," she says.

Daria's stomach clenches. She has some weird feeling, like she's about to be dumped. Friendship-dumped, somehow.

"Yes?" she prompts, after another long moment, at the same time as Jane says:

"Look," again, and, "I really am serious about it being a date."

Daria can count on one hand how many fully serious things they've said to each other so far. Let's get out of self-esteem class was one.

"If you want," Jane adds. "If you're—into that sort of thing."

"Dating?"

"Girls."

Daria blinks. She hitches her backpack up a little higher on her shoulder. A gust of fall wind creaks past the sculpture on the Lanes' front lawn.

"I am," she answers, and her voice is creaky too. "Into it."

And then very suddenly Jane is on her, hugging her, holding her impossibly close. She doesn't know what to do with the embrace. But it doesn't lessen, and so eventually, she puts her arms around Jane, too.

When Jane pulls back, they're nose to nose. "I'm very into it," she murmurs. Then she leans in a little bit closer and slightly tilts her head.

She's going to kiss me, Daria thinks, and runs through in her head the possibility of simply pulling away. No one has ever kissed her before. She has known Jane Lane for one week and has never wanted to kiss anyone more.

So instead of pulling back, she leans in, and her mouth touches against Jane's gently, awkwardly. She doesn't know where she's supposed to go, so she presses forward in a careful, indecisive way. And she feels Jane smile against her mouth.

Jane leans back just a little, parts from her. Daria realizes her eyes are still open. When Jane kisses her again, she closes them, tilts her head more to the side, and feels, this time, the full force of the realization that this could actually, really be something good.

[ninjadeathblade]

Moulin Rouge Discotrain AU (part thirty five)

Summary: Now that they're together, Conductor and Grooves are slowly settling in with their love for one another. Both have strong feelings for one another but don't always know how to express it.

Beginning | Previous | Next

Word count: 868

Warnings: None

Author's notes: I'm a sucker for Conductor being half fire spirit so yeah. Thought I'd address that. Have some little Con as well because I need to talk more about his background. Enjoy!

Conductor stacked the last few boxes of presents in the storage room before calling out to the train. “Fire up the engine darling!”

“Yes sir!”

Conductor rocked back and forth slightly as the train set off before he headed up to his room.

The owl shut the door of his room and stripped off his top few layers.

He sighed at the purple and blue markings that hung around his neck, brushing his right hand across them.

Conductor smiled gently at the weathered bracelet on his wrist before the sound of the door creaking open snapped him back to reality.

He spun around, facing Grooves as the penguin had paused in the doorway.

“Sorry, I thought you were finished with chores,” he said quietly, staring at the owl.

Conductor feathers ruffled and he turned away, hurriedly put his shirt back on, buttoning it from the top first.

“Your feathers are beautiful.”

The owl bristled at the words and he turned back to his partner.

“They aren't.”

He would never get used to the oddly coloured feathers that were a marker of him not being a proper owl.

He barely registered that Grooves had crossed the room until a flipper curled around his hand.

“They are,” the penguin replied, lifting Conductor’s hand to his beak and kissing it gently. “You're so amazing, why can't you accept that?”

Conductor tugged his hand away, panicking slightly as the ties of the bracelet caught on Grooves' flipper.

His feathers burned as the bracelet slipped off and he scrambled to pick it up off the floor.

“Can we not talk about it?” Conductor mumbled, quickly reattaching the tattered leather weave.

Grooves shot him a worried look, eyes shining behind his sunglasses.

He let out a defeated sigh. “Okay. Just know that I am here when you're ready to.”

Conductor anxiously picked at the edges of the bracelet before sagging his weight into the penguin.

“You're pecking perfect, you know that?”

Grooves placed a gentle kiss at the top of the owl's head. “You should get some rest.”

“I will. I just- I just need a minute,” Conductor breathed.

“Take as long as you need.”

Conductor stared at the small TV screen, watching as this year's annual bird movie award winners were announced.

His mother chuckled as she walked into the room. “You really like those movies, don't you?”

“Ma, shhh! I cannae hear it!” He complained as she sat down behind him.

Two elegant paws reached around and knotted a bracelet around his wrist.

“Whassthat?” He asked, one small claw tracing the patterns on it.

“It's a bracelet I made for you. It'll help dampen your powers,” she explained.

Sure enough, his feathers didn't burn the way he was used to, fading instead of the usual glow they carried.

She still radiated warmth behind him, body like an inferno of heat.

The door slammed open.

“I did it! Pack your things son, we're moving to the city!”

His mother moved to go talk to his father as Conductor tried to concentrate on the TV still.

“What?”

“My pitch finally landed! Real wealthy investor too! So I don't have to live in this dump anymore. I'm taking the kid so he has a chance to grow up properly.”

“I… I suppose you're right.”

“Kid, go pack your bags.”

Conductor continued to stare at the screen as the runners up were announced.

“Son, don't make me repeat myself.”

The little bird let out a huff, very slowly getting up from the floor.

“Why?” It was a plaintive whine he made as he turned to face his parents.

They looked so different. From each other and from him.

“We're moving.”

“Why?”

“Because it will be good for you,” his mother answered.

“All of us?”

“Ma isn't coming.”

“But-”

“Go pack your bags.”

A third time.

His father was serious.

Conductor sprinted across the room to his mother, hugging her leg. “No, no, no! Ma has to come with us!”

“It's okay, you'll still see me sometimes.”

He sniffed and looked up at her. “You promise?”

The corner of her mouth twitched and her orange fur dulled slightly. “I promise.”

Conductor shuddered as he woke up.

The first thing he noticed was Grooves' body close to his as they slept.

The second thing was the scent of smoke.

He panicked as he looked at the smouldering bracelet on his wrist.

He slithered out of the penguin's grip, running out of the room.

Conductor frantically ripped open a drawer, taking out a bangle with the same marks as his bracelet.

He slotted it onto his left wrist as the other burnt away to ashes around his right.

Conductor sighed with relief before he realised what had happened.

Sure he had averted a possible crisis.

But his mother's bracelet was now gone forever.

He skimmed a talon over the symbols engraved in the bangle.

The owl let out a low growl that turned into a despondent whine.

It was one of the only things that he had left of her.

“Diamond?”

Conductor slowly turned around to face Grooves, shame heating his face.

The penguin blinked, bleary-eyed as Conductor rushed up and hugged him.

“Hey, hey, what's wrong?”

[pbandjesse]

I'm working a wedding tonight and I'm already having so much fun. This is such a nice group. They're super fun and super funny. And they are absolutely willing to buy into being a little silly. Like I just found a couple of people wearing the gas station costumes and pretending to wash the car. Hilarious.

Honestly everyone I've interacted with today has been so good. I had a very long day at camp and I'm very tired right now. Like my eyes hurt but it was really good and I just feel like we accomplished so much.

I do wish I got to sleep a little bit longer. I slept an extra 15 minutes but I had to get up. That was not thrilled. But I got washed and dressed and I felt good and excited. Today was going to be a really nice day.

James sent me off to work with an egg salad sandwich. That I ate while driving because traffic was horrible. And I ended up getting to work at like 8:15. Still beat everyone else. I went to the girls latrine's first to drop off cleaning material. And then I texted Heather to check in because I needed a few things. Gloves and tape and stuff like that. But she had already texted me asking me to create sign up sheets. Can do.

I would stop at the art building first. Collected some stuff I wanted to bring home. Put some stuff in the building I needed to put away. And went back to the office to do my little tasks before the volunteers came.

It was a very busy day at camp though. With three different rentals. Which I didnt even think we did. But whatever. Everyone seemed really nice.

And it was a lot of fun. After I finished printing everything and checking in with Heather and getting some material from her car. I would go outside and see that a couple are volunteers were over at the office. So I collected them up and walked with them to the lodge. And oh no we had like 30 40 people there. And they were so nice.

There was some confusion because of the other groups. And I was standing outside kind of directing people who were parking inside and a guy comes up to me and he was like hey we're from BGE. Do you know where supposed to be here. I'm like yeah and he's like oh where is everyone I was like oh my god they're inside he was so relieved. I don't know what was going on but he seems so worried. And then everyone just did so good. We got everyone to sign up for different areas and we had a little safety talk and no one signed up for painting the latrine with me so instead I would join Joe's group at the pool.

I was not thrilled. Because I thought that I was just going to overheat and get sunburned but I did remember to put on sunscreen and bug spray and it ended up being really really fun.

I led my group over after stopping to take a group picture for them. I actually almost dropped a phone and caught it and it was very impressive. But I took multiple pictures on multiple phones and then we broke up into our groups and got over to the pool to meet Joe.

The plan was to have a few of them work on skimming. A few of them work on moving The plants. And then we would have another guy using a leaf blower to blow out all of the debris in the gutters. I was very surprised when we got to the pool to see how many tadpoles were in there. Thousands of that. They were everywhere. And I felt so bad because we had to skim out the leaves and they were coming with it and thankfully they were mostly on the edges so I tried my best to avoid them but there was no way. I'm sure so many of them died and I felt horrible about it. Like they were in the book it's with the leaves but those leaves were going to get dumped out into the yard and they're just going to dry out and I felt like a monster.

So after a while of me standing in the shallow end with the tiny pool skimmer while the guys had the deep end ones, I told Joe how the tadpoles were upsetting me and he said that he would get me a bucket so I could start trying to at least collect them. And so that's what I spent the next hour and a half doing.

I was standing in the water and walking back and forth on the stairs collecting as many tadpoles as I could. And I got a good amount. A couple hundred if not a couple thousand. They were just so small. But I did my best. And honestly I was having a good time being in the sun. I was surprised. It wasn't too hot out. The sun was bright but it wasn't oppressive. I was having nice conversation with the guys. And alexie was working hard too with that big skimmer and we were just making really good progress.

I had to stop collecting tadpoles when the water truck came. And I had a nice conversation with that guy because I was curious how much the water level would change. Cuz this was a huge truck. But it ended up only being like 2 in. He said he would come back about four times. And then it would fill the rest of the pool. Surprised me. Very neat.

Around 12:00 I realize that I could not collect anymore tadpoles. I was trying but I was only getting a few on each pass and my bucket was getting pretty full. So I told the guys I was going to walk it over to the pond. And all of them wanted to go see the pond so we carried the bucket ( we found that the bucket was actually cracked in the bottom so we put the bucket in another bucket but then that bucket had a hole in it. So we did our best not to lose any tadpoles ) and walked up to frog hollow.

And it was so pretty over there. I wish I had brought a net because I really would have liked to catch a frog to show the guys. But we did see a few frogs. One of the guys also said he saw a water snake but I don't know if I believe him. And we spent some time just flipping logs and rocks and looking for things but it was too dry out to really see any salamanders. So a bunch of worms but it was not a great creature day. Just tadpoles and frogs. To be fair of the real lot of those. We got to see other types of tadpoles as well. One of the guys had their two sons with them so I was glad we could show the kids something cool as well.

We spend some time just chilling by the frog pond but then I was like you know we should probably go back to the pool before I get in trouble. So we went back and checked in to see if there was anything else that we could do at the pool. But we were basically done everything that was going to get accomplished today. And so I walked them to the lodge for lunch.

Alexi would spend a little time telling them about rentals and a bunch of them were super excited about the idea of having birthday parties at the pool. And having corporate parties as well. But mostly the birthday party. And the woman who organized the whole event and me had a really lovely conversation. She told me that she came to camp when she was a child and in foster care and that when she was in foster care they weren't allowed to hug her. But when she came to camp she got those hugs that she needed and doing these volunteer days are like her giving a hug back. And that was just so sweet. Just made me want to cry. I'm so glad that camp is so important to her too.

They did not really order enough pizza I think. But everyone got a couple slices and I really enjoyed the pasta salad they got. And I was really just grateful that they shared with us. We hung out and talked and Alexi and Heather and Elizabeth would give some closing words and invitations to the music festival next weekend and just a lot of really nice stuff was said today. This was a really good group of volunteers and I really hope that you come back and become more involved. It was just really good.

Though. I waited for a little bit walking around the lodge seeing if anyone wanted to walk to the barn to see the horses but most people just wanted to go home. Couple people stayed to do the climbing tower with Sarah and Nick but most people left. And I didn't blame them. So I walked with Elizabeth and Heather to see the fire pit that got moved for the new wedding venue. And then I went to the office to get the gator so I could go and put things away.

But on my walkover Margaret called me. And she officially offered me the job. It's going to be pretty part-time for a while which is totally fine. But they're going to be paying me like double my rate. And I'm just very thrilled about that. So I'm really excited even though I'm a little nervous about having to be very decisive and be in charge. But I think Jesse's going to do a really good job telling me what I can and cannot do and giving me the tools to go into this new role and not just feels really awesome. So she's going to send me more official stuff and we'll see when everything moves forward.

I would go grab the gator and drove up to the barn to collect all of the tools that Heather had used and all of the materials I had left at the latrine this morning. I went to the salt mines and put them away and just kind of bopped around camp putting things backwards they belonged. While I was over at Joe's building I finally found the lamp that Alexi said I could have. He had put it in the scrap metal pile. So I collected that. I also found two broken trombones. So I took those as well. And went back to the office.

I would stay for a little while. Chatting and checking in about stuff but there wasn't much else for me to do and I was very tired from the sun. I decided that it would be really nice to go to Rita's before I went home. So I said goodbye to everyone and I left.

I went to the Rita's in Hunt Valley. I got a mango misto which was very good. I was having an honing for a second because last year I remembered I got a fruit mistow and it wasn't very good.. like it was really boring. And I couldn't remember if it was peach or mango. So I decided to go with mango and I was correct in my choice and it was great. The only thing that would have improved it would have been a pretzel but I did not want to stop at the Dutch market again because I wanted to go home and take a shower. I was covered in pool juices and dirt.

And I had to deal with some traffic. And I was not happy because I was so tired. And I was hoping that I could have a few minutes of just sitting down. But I would get home a little after 4:00 and everything would be okay. Even though I was pretty upset.

I had brought home one of the fake grass mats that I had in the art building and I thought I got all the dirt off of it but I apparently did a terrible job because the back of the car was covered in dust and then we picked it up I was covered in dust and then everything was covered in dust and it was horrible. I had to quickly run it into the house and to the backyard so I can throw it on the ground but then sweepy came out and I didn't know and I threw it and he came out and he was under it because I threw it on top of him and he was so upset and dirty. It was a mess.

So I let James know when they said that they would help vacuum when they got back. And I went to go take a shower.

In the shower helped. I also did my hair nice. Brushed it and put oils in it. And just wanted to feel pretty. I got changed and then I sat in front of my mirror to do my makeup and do my cuticles trying to make my fingers look pretty. I did break one of my nails pretty severely but it's fine. And then James was home. And they came and gave me a kiss and then they vacuumed and tried to make everything better again. I love them so much.

I'm pretty soon after that I have to go. I sat with them downstairs for a few minutes but they had a lot of chores to get done before they were recording and I had to go to work. So we said goodbye and I went to the museum.

And man was it a nice night. I had trouble finding Jesse at first but I walked around the museum chatting with the caterers that I knew and meeting the wedding planners and this couple was so nice. Their friends were excellent. Everyone I've talked to this evening was so good. I was out on the pier with Jesse for a bit though once I found him. And he has such funny nervous energy when it comes to issues. Like the department of national resources police were there and they were going to walk through the wedding and he was like oh my God we have to stop them. And then just random people coming off of the street to walk to the water and he was so worried about them being near the wedding and it was interesting to see the problems with I might have to deal with and thinking about different ways I might deal with them. But our security guard is great and took over a lot of the interacting with the public part so everything was okay and the wedding was beautiful. Like I was crying because it was so sweet. And it was just such a beautiful day for it. They really lucked out with weather. It was sunny and a little breezy but not cool and everyone was beautiful It was just so nice.

Before it was time to go inside for the guests I ran inside to make sure that the doors to the exhibits that were not open were actually locked. And I was very annoyed to find that they were a mess. Like whoever was the educator is today did not put away any of the materials and it looked terrible. And my tray that says please do not touch four events was out. Rude. That is not yours It says don't touch it. So it was a little pissed off about that but it was fine. I cleaned up a little and let James know and it was just annoying to come into that. But we move on.

And I have an excellent night. This was probably the most people I've ever had come up into the exhibit but people are so excited to see the machines get turned on or have great conversations with people and I was just having a blast. We did have one issue with caterers kept coming back with trays of drinks into the exhibit and they're not supposed to do that. And one of them dropped a tray and ice went everywhere. Thankfully it was an empty cup but still ice all over the ground was not ideal. And so I had to let Jesse know and that was embarrassing. But I handled it everything was okay. And I gave lots of really good talks and I had a lot of fun. My throat hurt a lot by the end and I drank all my water but that's all good.

I stayed a little bit later because I was enjoying talking with Jesse about different procedures and how to turn lights off and all those things and I also was telling him about this project. How I've been documenting for so long and how important it is to me. And he thought that was really cool and he was like I mentioned it I was like oh my God yes you are because I mentioned everybody. And then the caterers brought us dinner and he didn't know that I don't eat meat so he felt really bad that I only had mashed potatoes but I honestly wasn't hungry anyway and was only eating some to not be rude. Because my stomach hurts and I really just want to drink water and juice and not eat actual foodstuffs right now. I am trying my best to hold it together. Thankfully today I am not as nauseous and not as quick to run to throw up. So I think we're doing good.

But I just pulled up to the house and I am very excited to go to bed. I might take another shower even. And I hope about tomorrow is really good. Jess is going to come a little early and Callie's going to meet us at the house and then we're going to go to the flower Mart! I'm so excited I haven't gone to the flower bar in forever! Cuz we missed it last year we were on our honeymoon. So I'm really looking forward to that and then in the evening is our housewarming. And we have a couple friends coming over and James is going to make interesting food things and I'm really excited to just show people our little house.

I hope that you guys all have a great night and you take care of yourselves. I love you all. Good night.

[elecman108]

It's nearly the end of 2023, and... Hey, a lot has happened. I'll put most of it under the read more because there's a LOT to unpack this year, and if you're here to see the original posts for most of this art... surprise! Some of it was never posted! So no links will be provided to balance it out. All of my art is under the same tag though of "#drawings by me" so feel free to leaf through that on your own time.

To summarize the year, I learned (at the end of the year) that my temporary boss was overworking me for most of the year she was working there (yikes, but hey, I did agree to it and was able to... we'll say "keep up with the chaos" to keep it simple) but my permanent boss is, naturally, 1000% better. The side effect is... instead of December being a low month for drawing due to it being the busy month, almost every month is!

The new year should be better. I hope. On to the month summaries!

JANUARY - New D&D character refs made, Lixori as a rabbit (pictured). I didn't draw that much in january, but I claimed big ambitions of drawing more bunny girls. Sadly... I did not. Next year I'll sneak a few in here and there to make up for it - I do love drawing bunny girls (and guys especially) lol. Other than that... Year of the rabbit! Woo?

FEBRUARY - I... only drew this one image of perspective/mirrors practise with Irina and Axel. February was not busy. I was just really burnt out from the holiday season. It was... rough. Home life wasn't great, and I couldn't do much about escaping the frustrations during February anyway.

MARCH - The Existential Dread set in (pictured), my April Fools Day art, and a sketch dump. Yep! I drew my April Fools Day art in March! And early March at that! This month I had planned to take a vacation week riiiiight at the end of the month, but it got pushed back because the "new" staff member I was supposed to train didn't start until the end of the month. We'll get back to that.

APRIL - Sketches. The lineart pictured was never posted, but I cleaned it later (I think in... July or June?) but the sketch was dated back in April. Remember that vacation week that got pushed back to April? It's not riiiight after the first full week in May. Why? Because the staff member didn't know shit and needed more training. Fun fact: there's more to that story coming up.

MAY - Happy Birthday to me! I got my vacation (finally), and used the week to draw more D&D idiots before returning to work and... the "new" staff member ended up making a royal mess of things on my week off. She did not remain for much longer after that. Apparently she talks fondly about working for us, but by god, I have grey hairs. But this isn't a rant post, this is art! I... did NOT do much else in May. Not even a birthday art! For SHAME past me!! Although this month did give me an awesome new coworker (bless!) to replace a previous awesome coworker who moved back to their home city. We're both nerds. It's so funny.

JUNE - That Colour Wheel Meme from Twitter (pictured) and one half-assed drawing of Blaze in front of the pride month fire engine are all I have to show for this month, alongside cleaning up more sketches from back in April. My actual boss had returned and thank GOD. We - as in me, my nerd coworker, and our other coworker - are glad to have our boss back. She's fantastic. This month went by pretty well. But welcome to July, dumbass! It gets worse!

JULY - I forgot to do digital art this month. Why? Because all of my out-of-work time was spent working on doing Card Making craft packages for the clients. Sure, I loved doing it, but it was a LOT of work for not a lot of payoff. To be fair, I offered to cover the weekly groups for our volunteer who had been doing it up to that point before her two month vacation, so... hey! It's just for those two months, right?

AUGUST - Welcome to Burnout 2 (electric boogaloo), but I managed to fight it off by getting back into FNAF towards the end of July. Something about horror games really gets my brain in the good zone I want it to be in. This month I drew Eclipse (once) because of Ruin, this wonderful first draft of how I wanted my AU!Foxy to look, and then... I started work in on my FNAF Full Body Refs. Same as my D&D ones, only for my FNAF characters! I have the same refs for all my other OCs, may as well.

SEPTEMBER - If I told you I was only drawing FNAF and FNAF-related stuff this month, would you believe me? Because I did! I did the main characters for the portion of my FNAF!AU that I had figured out (SB and Ruin with a few extras from past games to fill out the roster), but other than that... Nope! Nothing else! I'm still redoing some of the old ones from back in September. My first batch of them (minus Bonnie, dunno what I was smoking when I made Bonnie bc he looks AWESOME) were a bit rough, so... New year problem for me.

OCTOBER - I did only one drawing and that was putting costumes on my full body references of the FNAF!AU guys! Whoops! I considered posting each character and info about them per day in October, but I just... didn't? Dunno why though, maybe I was just peanut-brained.

NOVEMBER - More FNAF! This time, the lineart/sketches I was doing on the side were all of my OCs, and the odd one was FNAF. Didn't post shit until the very end of the month though, mostly because I forgot to post essentially anything. Whoopsie!

DECEMBER - Yeah I've finished some of my sketches from November (and April), and have more to come. I'm redoing some of the FNAF Refs, and planning maybe in the new year to queue up posts for a while with info about each dude to sort of give insight into my AU to some degree... or... not make such grandiose plans.

Either way, my work schedule is destined to be much more normal come January, and I hope to be able to set aside a day or something to draw every week, because I love it so much. It's been a rough year! Thankfully didn't get Covid this year, but y'know... Maybe next year I'll get sick and be forced to take time off or something so that I can draw more.

Regardless, I'm typing this post up while now 6 minutes left to me leaving for work, so no proofreading for me! Any typos will remain forever.

Catch y'all later! You might see a new years' post from me, or one between now and 2024, but... don't bank on it.

For those of you who made it all the way down to the end of the post... Poke a poll or something. I've never done this feature so here's to figuring it out.

[xtinyslip]

"YEAH AND YOU WANNA' KNOW WHO FUNDED EVERNEVER'S PRIVATE NEW FARM THAT KEPT HER SAFE TILL THAT POINT? OR IS THAT IRRELEVANT? I'VE HEARD WHAT HAPPENED TO HER IN GREAT DETAIL. DETAIL I NEVER WANTED TO KNOW. I WAS AS TRAPPED AS YOU WERE! SO NO, DON'T BE ALRIGHT -- BY ALL MEANS HAVE THIS BREAKDOWN BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BRINGING IT TO ME?" cory had funded edgar's new farm, admittedly it was mid break down after he'd watched tara and gale get murdered by his brother's men but hey? who asked for details? he'd still done it. had he been free at the time of cecilia's… well, death? awful, awful, fucking way to go. NO, he hadn't been free. "course, you're pissed with my brother but because you know he'll gut you where you stand? it's me that takes the shit? typical." also, exactly, what he was beginning to get used too. people could reach his brother so the shit got dumped at his doorstep instead. "… i don't know why he's kept me around." that was the truth, it didn't much make sense to cory either but no one was going to catch him complaining. obviously. "i don't know how many other ways to say this for it to get into your head? i'm as in the DARK as you are. i didn't now about this whole evernever murder until he came to me well after the fact to publish the story. i swear, that was the FIRST i'd heard of it." he wasn't lying but… even if he was ; cory was a master manipulator and usually that worked in his favor. hearing about what tara meant to parker and what he could find out, he practically threw his hands up as if to say ; what the hell? " i -- you have got the wrong idea. i don't know what you think." was that true? it felt it. he never asked about finn's movements because the LESS he knew, the better. that was a start? he just looked at parker as if he was speaking a different language. was he experiencing a stroke? fuck, maybe that would have been better than this reality. "he arranges meetings for me and him? we talk about…" normal, boring, every day shit? which was true? but that sounded like a lie. "nothing that would interest you." did he want to bring gideon's name into this? no, and he wouldn't. not happening. "REALLY? how the fuck did i not know? how about because i was in fucking new york? how many states away from them? and yeah, i imagine she was hurting a whole lot like any kid would who just lost their mother? does that automatically conclude that they need to be TAKEN from their father?" oh, he wanted to hear it. he wanted to hear how he was oh so wrong for not snatching a child from the only parent they had… who as far as every other fucker on the planet was concerned - was doing a stand up job at being an only parent. "i saw her once a year, maybe once every two years and the rest of the time? it was over face time. SHE DIDN'T SAY A WORD. when i tried? believe me i tried, i got shut down from her father. what the hell was i supposed to do?" oh cory was going to eat himself up over it anyway but… what could he have done? gone there? and be greeted with finn? who by then would have told cecilia how to act and what to say to make his visit irrelevant anyway? whether cory felt and believed he could have done more. IT WASN'T THAT SIMPLE. "if i had gone the police, hell, if i had gone to my sources with this? finn would have eaten me alive and i didn't want to have to return home to my parents. alright? i was up against a brick fucking wall and i should have stood and fought but i… i didn't know how bad it was." he felt like shit for not doing anything but again, what could he have done that wouldn't have made things worse? he let out a sad sigh when parker moved to block his way. "i think we're done." because what else was there for either of them to say? he'd made his point clear. get information or his kid paid for it... again. god, why did it feel like his kid was going to pay for it regardless? "it's all very fucking wrong." he acted how he did because he had too. "stand with who? exactly? huh?" because cecilia was gone? evernever was gone? so who? @fcdcdmcmories

"YOUR BROTHER KIDNAPPED MY WIFE, BURIED HER ALIVE IN A COFFIN HE HAD PREVIOUSLY BOUGHT AND LEFT HER TO DIE AND NO. ONE. DID. A SINGLE THING. I'M SORRY, AM I SUPPOSED TO BE ALRIGHT RIGHT NOW?" he had tried to convince himself that.. if he stayed, as cecilia had asked him to? everything would be alright. eventually. and it had been - for a good, decent, happy couple of days that almost felt like before - and then, the entire world had come crashing down again. he should have KNOWN, right? he should have, but.. there was still time to do so now. there had to be. "oh, trust me, i would much rather be putting your brother through what he put her through to see how he likes it, but.." he wasn't his to kill. NOT REALLY. "since i can't do that yet? seems like you'll have to do, won't you? and ha-ha. fun. he's kept you around for some reason this entire time, hasn't he? i have a feeling you can find out." the thing was - it was either him or one of the kids and.. if he had to pick between who he was going to make do this, between a self-entitled arrogant asshole and a kid that he had watched grow up, who also happened to be his BROTHER IN LAW? he knew precisely what his choice was going to be. "no? tell me something, asshole. what do you think your kid means to me? NOTHING. what do you think i have left to lose? absolutely NOTHING. so tell me again what you think that i wouldn't do? you know more of his movements than most people. that'll do. WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW? YOU'LL FIND OUT." oh, he had a lot to lose, but.. this was important and he was going to make sure that he played his part right. "that's a start. go on?" rolling his eyes. of course. "how the fuck did you not know? she was hurting! she was a little girl who had just lost her mother and she NEEDED someone! she needed you! how could you not have known? what he did? how he sent her to that room weeks in a row without anything to eat? ARE YOU AN IDIOT? scratch that, i know you are," shaking his head. it wasn't just anger now. it was disappointment, as he moved to stand in front of the other. "we're not done talking. fine, you didn't know. let's say i believe it. but now? even you have to know that what he did was wrong. how can you stand here and treat him like nothing is WRONG? you failed her once. she may be.." this was difficult for him to say, even if he knew that it was not the truth. that she wasn't really gone. thank god.. "gone, but.. THERE'S STILL TIME TO DO THIS ONE THING. FOR HER. you want to prove to me you're not a coward? that you loved your niece? stand with us. not him." @xtinyslip

[inkskinned]

so it was her idea but she was always like, the idea person. since she'd gotten dumped by bradley six months ago she'd been increasingly more unhinged but when you're friends with someone for like, what? like 10 years now? you just kind of go along with it. or at least i'm the kind to just-go-along-with-it.

"it's a hundred thousand dollars," casey scrolls to the bottom of the consent form without reading it. at my look she rolls her eyes. "it doesn't matter if we're actually dating."

i'm trying to parse together the cramped antlegs of the document. "it calls me the participant." i am getting a migraine. "we could get like super sued i think."

LADY WHEN: THE PSYCHIC AFFAIR had premiered like two years ago on abc family (which i guess is called freeform now). it's been moved to mtv now with a slight budget increase due to the strange success of the show. casey's been doing the research which means i've been listening to the research casey's been doing.

Lady When collects new couples, flies them to an island, and judges them with her psychic talents. there's like, other challenges and stuff, but the main attraction is that Lady When is supposed to be able to divine messages from the Beyond about your new partner. the idea is that she can "just tell" which couple is supposed to be together, or if your real soul mate is somewhere else in the world - maybe on the very island.

it's hokey and lame. but there is a 100k prize for being the last couple standing.

casey is reading tmz out loud to me now. "last season left scorch marks when Lady When predicted no couple to be a true match. instead, all participants received a part of the prize - leaving the last two couples standing in the lurch." she points at me. "not us. we take that money and we run."

to be fair, when she applied for it, i was winedrunk. i'd been the one to suggest we were dating. i figured - nobody's gonna let two girls be on one of these shows, it's the real world. it's one thing to allow psychics to have a show, but real queer rep? as if. i'd even agreed to the video essay we sent in, speaking my lines about just-now meeting casey but already being so in love directly into the camera.

and then we got the acceptance. 1 month to prepare, and then 3 months on an island with my best friend, pretending that: 1. i just met her. and 2. we're dating.

"not a problem," casey had said, confident, as if she had always known we'd get on the show. "it's 100 thousand dollars. i'll pretend anything for that."

which is great! but there's like, just some factors i'm dealing with. mentally. which are the following:

i have known her since we were both 17.

we've never really talked about it, but i don't think she's gay while

i'm completely in love with her, and have been for a long time.

[luvbugs-blog]

panic - s. todoroki

inspired by the willow and oz scene in the "graduation" episode on buffy the vampire slayer (not the stupid show no netflix, but the one with sarah michelle gellar).

note: most of the dialogue is from or inspired by the episode mentioned above!! i don't want copywrite issues!!

warnings: implied smut, but it's a fluff fic. not proof read

enjoy!!

with the war inching closer, the air at UA was tense. everyone could feel it. everyone, it seems, except your boyfriend.

bakugo was even more snappy than usual, and with deku gone, everyone's mood was in the dumps. ochaco had lost her usual smile, and iida seemed even stiffer.

after a long day of classes, you trudge your way back to your dorm room, almost dragging your back behind you. when you make it, you throw yourself on the bed, your schoolbag abandoned by the door, which you hadn't even managed to shut fully.

what will become of you? of your friends? of your teachers? of shoto? there is a possible chance that you could die in the very near future. it seemed like yesterday you had just gotten your hero's license, and now you were about to risk everything for the sake of... strangers? the world? who knew what shigaraki had planned.

you were too tired to think about it anymore. you just wanted to be at home with your parents, but you couldn't tell them what was about to happen.

for a little while, you lay there, thinking about everything related to the war. how you could lose your friends, you could lose limbs, your life, how easy it is to just run away, etc., when your door creaks open slightly and you hear a small knock. a handsome face makes its way into the room.

"hey, baby. you know, you shouldn't keep your door open." you just sigh, not replying. shoto makes his way around your bed, carefully sitting next to your body.

"what's up, angel?"

"i'm just worried about the war, sho. what about you?"

he just hums and starts to stroke your hair. you wait a while, but he still gives no reply.

his eyes wander around the room, until they lock onto your cat, who lazily made its way out of your bathroom.

"looks like Walter has pretty nice digs in here. i really love your room."

you sigh again, moving so his hand falls off your head.

"sho…"

"what?" he asks, very gently.

"could you just pretend to care about what's happening, please?"

"you think I don't care?"

"i think we could be dead in two day's time, and you’re being emotional detachment guy."

"would it help if i panicked?"

"yes! it'd be swell! panic is a thing people can share in times of crisis, and everything is really scary now, you know? and I don't know what's gonna happen. and there's all sorts of things that you're supposed to get to do after high school, and you know what? i was really looking forward to them! like moving into a place of our own, maybe fighting alongside each other, being famous, maybe even the wacky notion of children! i would love to have children with you, and you know how much i hate kids and how pregnancy scares me. and... and now we're probably just gonna die, and i'd like to feel that maybe you would-"

your rant was interrupted when he grabbed the back of your head, grip tight on your hair, and smushed his lips on yours. for a few seconds, you stayed like that until you pulled away, slightly surprised.

"what are you doing?"

"panicking."

he maneuvered his head to continue what he was doing before, and the rest of the class didn't hear from the two of you until the next morning, when shoto walked out of your dorm room, instead of his.

author's note: OH MY GOD, I FINALLY FINISHED ONE. the ending is absolute shit, but I'm literally in my shitty school, and i so do not feel comfortable finishing this. i feel so paranoid that the teachers are watching me write fanfiction, and i am so not ok with that. school is kicking my butt rn, but i'm going to try to pump out some more fics soon... i don't want to say tonight, because that might not happen, so don't be mad. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE SEND IDEAS. i'm burnt out.

[melrosing]

I think some people have convinced themselves that X character will die a pointless death and then everyone will move on to "more important things." The implication is that their story will mean nothing therefore they're wasting our time, and how it would've been better if they never existed in the first place. They see certain characters as plot devices to serve X character's plot so they are confused as to why they got PoVs. Young Griff is theorized to die with Arianne for dUmB dEsIcIoNs tHeY'Ll mAkE so people find them to be useless characters. Brienne theories are about how she'll fuck off to the North to be a Stark bodyguard or die for manpain purposes. That's not so exciting is it? Anyone can be a Stark bodyguard or die for manpain. The alternative is that Brienne might have bigger fish to fry and her internal growth is something we're supposed to care about but nuh-uh, we can't have that can we? We can't entertain the idea of the ugly gnc woman being... important because of her. Not because of services she has to offer to our important Starklings/Big Five. I've literally read somewhere that it's BRIENNE'S fault that GRRM hasn't finished the books because GRRM wasted time on her "boring" chapters and how if it weren't for them, we would've gotten Winds! It's the same reason you get people complaining about Jaime's PoVs and how it would've been better if Oberyn or Dany's handmaidens had gotten PoVs instead. If Jaime's redemption will be a joke, if his identity arc is a circle and will mean nothing since he'll end the series as a loser incest man, then we could've done without his PoVs right?

I wish people would admit they just don't vibe with certain characters instead of finding nonsense reasons to erase them from the story or to claim what a moron GRRM is for creating them. I'd suggest them to think about how they could be wrong for dumping on characters for being "useless". They might be more important than they believe. And GRRM isn't finishing the books because he's a procrastinator and sell-out. Not because of Brienne lmao. The story is better because Brienne is in it.

I mean I just don't know how anyone could come away from ASOIAF thinking it's really just about Jon, or Dany or the key five, or whatever. As far as the absolute core of the plot goes, Jon and Dany are about as close to protagonists as ASOIAF has, but the series has never really been about just that core plot anyway.

If it were, we wouldn't have AFFC, where the only 'key five' POV in the book is Arya's for a few chapters. GRRM clearly considers the Cersei/Brienne/Jaime trio significant enough to carry their own book - together they make up more than half of it. So if you want to consider those POVs on superfluous, maybe he's just writing a different story to what you think he is. There are books where everything is about the protagonists and saving the world, and this just isn't that.

[doverstar]

What's your thoughts about all this Nancy/Steve thing in S4? Not gonna lie, I'm kinda disappointed. I love Nancy/Jonathan relationship and how they built it though the show. And I think Steve had an incredible development to keep being trapped in this crush on Nancy forever. Get over it, writters. I want him to be happy.

Hi!

I do not like Nancy/Steve. I didn't love it in S1, not because I didn't like Steve but because I didn't like Nancy. She's grown on me, but still.

In S4, the writers didn't seem to know what to do with Steve or Nancy. Nancy is now this big leader whose main thing is that she's a reporter and she shoots guns. Steve is now the babysitter, comedy relief, really cool and good against monsters. On paper, that would make a pretty good couple. But they don't.

We already saw Nancy/Steve in S1. We already saw what they're like. Yes, they've both grown up since then, but you'd think that would move them away from each other. Now it's like they're moving backwards. It's not character growth just because Steve explicitly says Nancy gave him character growth.

I think it's mildly realistic that Steve would be attracted to Nancy still. But that he just can't get over her? Like there aren't girls out there who are better for him? Like ROBIN? Yes, they made Robin a lesbian, but before that they planned on her getting with Steve. The entire bathroom scene in S3 was a misdirect, sure, but what Steve said was true. A girl like Robin was better for him than a girl like Nancy Wheeler. So who's to say there's not more than one girl like that out there for him? Why is this character trapped in this one trait? Which is that he has a crush on this one girl?

She already picked Jonathan. She shouldn't be giving him those eyes throughout S4. It's not fair to him. And it doesn't make her all that likeable, honestly.

No, of course Nancy is attracted to Steve. You can't blame her. But for them to continue to make Nancy flip-flop between these two guys is not relatable in a good way. It doesn't endear us to her. 

It's only compelling if you love Steve and you ship him with happiness. Most people don't want it for Nancy, they want it for Steve, because we're told Steve wants it. But why does he want Nancy? It doesn't make sense. She dumped him. She picked someone else. Yes, she went through trauma, yes, there were extenuating circumstances that put a strain on her relationship with Steve, but that aside, she chose Jonathan. Steve faced down the demogorgon with her too, just like Jonathan did. Steve went back into that house to save them from the demogorgon, and he didn't have to. And in the end, she wanted Jonathan instead. From Steve's perspective, especially at the end of S2, it makes no sense for him to still want Nancy Wheeler. She hurt him. She lied about her feelings for him. She cast him off for someone else. 

I'm not here to trash Nancy, I'm just saying what it must be like from Steve's perspective. Why does he want her? Wanting someone who did string you along, who can't make up her mind, who did all the things I mentioned up there to him? Yeah, that makes no sense. Especially for a character like Steve, who's supposed to be growing.

This isn't growing. It's relapsing.

And what about the six lil nuggets thing? That whole scene made no sense, and neither did its follow-up in the Upside Down. In S1 we're shown very clearly that Nancy does not want the suburban life. She doesn't want to get married and have a family like that. She even reiterates IN THE RV that while traveling and being married sounds nice, six kids does not sound nice to her.

And this is the girl Steve just has to be with? He can't picture anyone else? She doesn't even share what he wants most. He wants six kids. Does he seriously think Nancy Wheeler will be the smiling wife bearing him that pack of Harringtons? She won't. She's a feminist. She's very self-motivated and impulsive and wants what she wants for herself. Being a wife and a mother takes sacrifice. Nancy Wheeler doesn't sacrifice anything for anyone.

Wait this is becoming me trashing Nancy-

She is growing on me, I swear. Who among us was not her biggest fan when she shot the crap out of Vecna.

Anyway! Yeah, I think the Nancy/Steve thing was really stupid. Jonathan and Nancy were built very realistically together, if a little rushed. I'm not a big fan of two characters having a will-they-won't-they until some external character shows up and literally tells them all the character traits they have that would make them a good couple and urges them to become a couple. (*coughcough*Murray*coughcough*) 

I just don't think the writers know what to do with these three characters anymore. They don't know what to do with Nancy besides "strong, independent woman with Barb trauma and heart eyes for Steve, no Jonathan, no Steve-". And they know we all love Steve, but they don't know what to do with him either. He's already been redeemed, what next? Make him the leader? No, that's Nancy's job now because Women. Even Steve himself knows he has no direction. Might as well drool after Nancy again.

Those are my thoughts. Sorry if they're unpopular! You'll see if you read my fic that I actually like Steve and Nancy separately. I do. But putting them in a love triangle was a mistake. Give Steve a girl that's good for him or don't give him a girl. Give Nancy a relationship that makes her a better person (good for her) or don't give her a boy.

If it was really just that Steve was immature when they were together and that's why it eventually didn't work, then maybe Nancy would like him nowadays. But that's still not a sustainable girlfriend. Someone who dumps you for another guy while you're figuring things out and then wants you back when you've been cooking a while longer? No thanks. Run, Steve.

LOVING the questions. <3

[stillmind2]

The Mystery of The Coral Castle

Lately, I've been fascinated with Telekinesis. The ability to move far away objects, regardless of the size or weight 

If I could travel to the past once, I'd have trouble making a choice, but sticking to this subject, it'd have to be Edgar Cayce. 

Or Edward Leedskalnin…

Let me go with the latter first. Cayce would take me days to write about.

What this guy accomplished should blow your mind. Let me explain.

Being in love could inspire a corpse. Most people who have had that magical experience could confirm it.

But when I was in love (or was it lust?) I had an average experience. Nothing extraordinary happened besides the spectacular heart-brain-hormones connection. 

But I couldn't lift 10-pound stones even if I had two nuclear-powered cranes at my disposal. Well, maybe with those I could. 

Ed Leedskalnin was onto something in 1923 when he managed to achieve such a feat. Without any cranes. And devastated by a love gone wrong.

I don't know, but when I'm out of love for whatever reason, my mood is so dark, the last thing I want to do is move stones or do construction.

This beautiful young lady he was to marry, named Agnes Skuvst just told him off, presumably because she changed her mind. 

Not only was this man horribly dumped, he was supposed to get married in just one more day. 

Someone once said, if you want to understand women, you better read the Encyclopedia (several volumes).

Instead of trying to figure out why his beloved bride changed her mind at the last minute, this man rolled his sleeves and built her a castle. 

At 5 feet tall, 26 y/old, and weighing just 100 pounds, we are supposed to believe (like the pyramids) that the deed was of human-construct. 

That this man, working alone, only at night and in complete secrecy (hence the night labor), managed to produce a castle of such magnitude that today, no one has figured out how he could have possibly managed.

The numbers are insane. 1100 tons of oolite limestone rock moved through the air like helium balloons and placed perfectly in place without even a mark from the pulleys or chains. Not once, but twice. The largest stone weighed 27 tons.

But the man couldn't catch a break. Right after he was near completion of the toughest part of the job, moving the heavier stones, he got terrible news.

Next to it, in Florida City, the town council decided to build a community center. Which meant he no longer could maintain the solitude he needed to accomplish his task. 

Yes, he was a 'slightly' complicated person, but aren't most geniuses? If you are a genius, I'm sure you'll agree.

What to do, what to do? 

Well, put everything on a truck, of course, and get out of Dodge.

And that's exactly what he did.

Incredibly, he moved it all on that truck with the help of one person. One. A living witness of the action. We got the receipts.

Ten miles up the road, he made sure this time nobody was going to interfere with his project. Obviously, he wanted it to be done before his bride turned 90, so I can't say I blame him for the effort and the urgency.

He bought 20 acres in Homestead, just in case he needed more than 2 for extra space, and restarted his operation.

An operation which he had to begin from scratch, without having put on any weight or built any kind of muscle. 

The same frail frame, doing it all over again, for a woman thousands of miles away who probably couldn't drink enough vodka to try to erase him from her mind. And from the guilt.

"Now we're talking," he probably thought to himself. "Now catch me if you can."

One thing that was highly peculiar was a small box that he named "Perpetual Motion Holder", for which he was trying to obtain a patent, but was ultimately denied.

Another little setback, nothing to write home about. He must have figured if it happened to Tesla, why wouldn't it happen to me? He was more right than he would ever know. 

At least, they didn't confiscate the thing. Even better, they didn't burn him at the stake for heresy. It's kind of hard to build a castle when you're smoldering from a burn.

"All hands on deck," He must have said. "I got my life, I got my limestone, and I got my box." 

It took him some time to finish his coral castle, which still stands today, drawing tourists from all over. 

This super impressive structure might have been a sight to see when it was done. My premise for dreaming of going back to visit it, and to meet him, if Quantum physics would hurry up and make it possible.

It was documented that a child could push an 8ft tall, 8.2-ton gate so perfectly centered on its axes with a single push of a finger and it would swing in the intended direction. 

There's something very strange going on here, that unfortunately, we, of this generation will never know. Who knows when, if ever, the technique (or the Juju inside that box) would be revealed. But I have a feeling this man's knowledge was not to be told casually to anyone, much less the public, for reasons that don't take a brain surgeon to guess.

Something so fascinating and advanced that who knows, (not me, said the little red hen) where it could lead the human race. 

Hello! Did I mention Tesla already? Ring any bells? 

This is a perfect example of Life imitating art. It could easily be an episode of The Outer Limits or such fictional show, and yet, here it is, this happened. 

He wasn't a greedy man. Like most geniuses, he didn't think much about money. As a matter of fact, he only charged an unbelievable ¢10 per person to enter that atrium made out of love. And for his love. 

He could have used an agent. 

One sunny day just like any other in Leisure City, FL, he didn't feel right. A practical man, he closed the shop for the day leaving a simple note on the front gate with the words "Gone to the hospital". 

His work done on this Earth, this magnificently brilliant man died three days later on Dec, 7th, 1951. He was 64 years old.

To this day, his secrets remain one of the biggest puzzles in the world of science. 

[shadowynn]

Honestly, you just treated us with 12k words of goodness and I haven't felt as happy as I did when I saw that ilal had been updated hehe~ also I totally feel the "starting a piece of writing and never finishing it" because I've done the same too ksksks.

Oh dear, oh no, we're going to see some drama with Hongjoong's mother aren't we? Totally not ready but also ready to see how that bridge is crossed by mc.

And you have mentioned seoyun before, I'm so curious about her especially because Hongjoong spoke quite highly of her when he was telling mc about seoyun.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I ramble too much about my reactions but OMG I'm glad you like me doing that hehehe~ much love!!!

yeah, it’s a problem i wish i didn’t have. i want to finish things, but then the next big idea strikes and i drop what i was currently working on to write it. but i’m so determined to finish ilal because i feel like it would be such an accomplishment for me. so even when i start to hate it and have a deep desire to write something else, i try and push through. and then by the time it’s done, i’m excited to write the next part again.

perhaps, perhaps. i debated a lot on whether or not she would still be alive, but after reworking a few other characters, i decided the direction i wanted to go was her still being alive and am excited to see where all that goes. i may or may not already have a scene planned out between them and a few others that i’ve been waiting to play out for forever now.

yes! seoyun is someone who went under major character change when i started this and i’m really happy with the way i took her. slight spoilers here, but not really, maybe? but seoyun was originally supposed to be the jealous ex, but that’s been played out so many times that i didn’t feel it was the right move to make and dumped a lot of her characteristics to hongjoong’s mother instead and i’m very happy with the dynamic i have planned. i thought she would make an appearance in the next chapter, but not sure again as different ideas ended up coming to me and i’m pretty certain now a good chunk of the next part will be from the boys pov.

[wattpadscapcons]

Here to feed your inbox, Treat!

Can I have a drabble of the reader comforting Kagehara after he had a bad day at school? I figured since the last fic you wrote for me was him comforting the reader, it's only fair to do the same for him

Thank you :)

300th asker, wow, lucky you Alexis! As per my rewards system you are allowed to ask me 30 questions about myself, and I will answer honestly or at least to the best of my abilities. If that is not something you wish, we can further negotiate something else.

Aweee what a cute concept! Love doing reverse comfort! Not quite as much regular comfort, but this is Kagehara we're talking here.

=

School's Out (Pregame Shuichi x Reader)

He's had an absolutely terrible day. That much can been told about the way he's carried himself on the way back to your house. Usually he'd be pretty happy to see you, but he didn't say a word nor look at you as you two walked together. If he hadn't been holding your hand, you would've thought he was angry with you.

He faceplanted into your couch as soon as he got the chance. It knocked the hat right off him letting you see the black eye.

=

"Shuichi..."

"Mm?"

"What happened to your eye?"

"Momota happened."

"You usually beat him to the punch, what happened?"

"Douchebag jumped me with a few of his friends. I wasn't expecting it, Kokichi didn't fucking warn me...."

Venom. Pure venom filled his voice just then.

=

"Are you bruised anywhere else?"

"......Yeah..I just want to sleep it off..."

"How about I go get you an ice pack instead?"

"Mm..."

=

You took the time to bring him one wrapped in a towel and something sweet to hopefully calm his nerves a little. You usually bring him candy before tests to help with headaches, but you have a feeling it's not going to help him much right now...

=

"It's been a bad day....I wish I didn't go at all."

"It was that bad?"

"K//ede tripped me going down the stairs, Rantaro dumped his drink on me during lunch, which is why I was late to meet up with you by the way, Momota and his friends jumped me, and oh yeah, my science teacher is a straight up bitch."

"What'd your science teacher do?"

"Grabbed onto my face and swiped my hat so that I'd "look her in the eyes for once instead of being a coward"."

"They're not supposed to touch you! I can report her for you tomorrow if you want. I'm sorry that happened in the first place...."

"Don't bother, I'm not going."

=

Shuichi, feeling dejected turns to face the back of the couch, still pressing the ice pack to his face. You moved to sit next to him, and gently started to play with his hair. You knew that talking to him when he's upset like this isn't going to help much, but it's the only thing you can really think to do other than hug him. No doubt the hidden bruises he has right now would cause him pain if you attempted to.

Eventually he let out a sigh, moving his head to your lap instead. He still wouldn't look at you, but didn't protest the affections you gave him, instead letting out something similar to a whine every time you attempted to retract your hand.

=

"Do you want me to stay home with you tomorrow and we just watch some Danganronpa?"

"Please."

"Ok, now, you want to let me look at the rest of those bruises?"

"No."

"Shuichi."

"It hurts to move, just let me lay down for a little longer."

"You don't have to get up."

"I'll be fine...Can you go get me another ice pack?"

"Of course. Let's get you a pain meds first though..."

=

Well, it looks like you'd be spending the rest of today and tomorrow trying to make him feel better. Since tomorrow is Friday he'll probably want to stay the weekend too. He's not going to want to get up for a while, so you cater to him instead. By the time night circles around, you have to help him to your bed, being careful to avoid grabbing onto any areas that might cause him more pain.

He was out the moment his head hit the pillow. Tomorrow will be a long day, but at least it won't be painful for once.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

You wrote your opinions on the Order of the Phoenix, what about the Death Eaters? That's another way of saying Lucius, Bellatrix, and anybody else. I honestly feel that we're running out of HP characters for you to write your opinion and reasoning about, so yeah~

We honestly are. When people start asking me questions about Harry’s nameless and faceless classmates I feel like we’re scraping the bottom of my barrel of Harry Potter opinions.

Though, that said, this is still a very large ask if you want me to analyze very Death Eater ever or even the Death Eaters as a whole (which is worthy of its own post).

So, we’ll compromise, and I’ll just look at the two you name dropped.

Lucius Malfoy

To me, Lucius is by far one of the more intelligent Death Eaters. He’s the guy who makes them almost look classy. I say almost, because Lucius is still a racist domestic terrorist and as the series goes on Tom gleefully drags him into being less classy by the minute (his house becomes a POW camp and housing for the dregs of society, Lucius just sobs, trying to be thankful he’s somehow still alive).

Lucius is rich, sophisticated, and is probably the most politically powerful man in the country. He has a beautiful wife he has... a son (sorry Draco, but you do not live up to your father) the guy has it all.

Which makes it very surprising that he got dragged into this mess. But you see, Lucius is paying for that tragedy we call youth.

Also, as a caveat, I’m about to headcanon hard and will not bother to get into the details of why I think x, y, or z in this post.

Ten years prior to the start of canon, Lucius is a very young man, probably very charismatic, certainly believes he’s intelligent and probably gets decent grades, but nonetheless the kind of stupid you see in men ages 15-25.

He’s likely chafing under his aging father’s strict guidance, knows he’s not going to be Lord Malfoy for years yet, wants to get out there, prove himself, and make a difference for his country. More importantly for Lucius, there’s this hip, exciting, new thing that all his cousins and friends are getting into called “The Death Eaters” (yes, I don’t believe the Knights of Walpurgis/Death Eaters 1.0 ever happened, I think it’s ridiculous that fandom and JKR does, I could go into why but not in this post). 

The Death Eaters are led by the single handedly most beautiful, charismatic, man in Britain. (Yes, I headcanon Tom’s still blindingly attractive at this stage, because it makes much more sense to me but we’re not getting into that here.) A mysterious man by the name of Voldemort, Salazar Slytherin’s long lost heir, who has come to resurrect the wizarding world’s true heritage and purge the land of the muggle stain. (Yes, I do believe that no one, not even Lucius who is later given the diary, knew who Tom really was. I believe Regulus’ had only the vaguest idea, informed mostly by Tom’s use of Kreacher to place the locket.) This is the most exciting thing to have ever happened, the rallies probably consist of rich kids drunk out of their minds and maybe even high on a little wizard cocaine, and Lucius is down for it precisely because his father says “Lucius, this is stupid, please don’t embarrass the family.” WELL LUCIUS IS GOING TO EMBARRASS THE FAMILY, DAD! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!

And for a while, it looks like Lucius made the right choice. Things are happening, they’re actually going out and killing the mudbloods! Unlike Regulus, Lucius never has that “wait a minute” moment as he realizes that Voldemort’s actually far more efficiently eliminating pureblood families and sowing dissention in what was once a unanimous force among the Wizengamot (the other pureblood lords aren’t necessarily pro muggleborn, per se, but they get a bit queasy at the thought of blowing them up or Merlin forbid actually blowing up their own public venues wizards use). 

And then October 31st, 1981 happens, and it all comes crashing down. Lucius has to desperately lie his ass off, having only the flimsiest lie to rely on, has to hand out a shit ton of bribes, and manages to squeeze his way out of being imprisoned in Azkaban. 

I’m sure Abraxas looked at his son, with his tattoo on his arm that makes him another man’s slave, at the utter destruction of the Black family, and just shook his head going, “Clean up your mess, Dumbass Son”

And Lucius does to the best of his ability. While some will always suspect him of being a Death Eater, while some know it, he’s able to climb very high in influence in their ridiculously tiny community. Granted, I do think he messed up, and could never for example run for minister given everything (if Crouch can’t rerun then Lucius certainly can’t). He also shows us that in some ways he is not above the law, he’s very afraid his house will be searched without warrant in The Chamber of Secrets, and this is in part why he dumps Tom Riddle’s diary off onto Ginny.

However, he wields total control of the Prophet, has a seat on the Wizengamot, has the ear of the current Minister, is on the Hogwarts’ Board of Governors, and has his hands in pretty much every pie he can.

I imagine during this period Lucius grows up. He brushes the indiscretions of his youth under the carpet, gleefully leaving it all behind him, and the only real friend he maintains contact with from that period is Severus, the least zealot like of all of them. (Crabbe and Goyle Sr aren’t friends, they’re minions). 

Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a racist slime bag, and I don’t think he really regrets the domestic terrorism. He just regrets nearly getting caught and putting his entire family’s security on the line. He witnessed first hand what happened to the Blacks.

And then the worst thing happens: Tom Riddle rises from the dead. He rises, impossibly, from the dead when Lucius has his own hand caught in the cookie jar.

Lucius has been living a life of luxury and influence while his great master, the man he had pledged everything to, was dead. Worse, Lucius took what was described as a treasured item to be protected at all costs, and not only threw it away but sent it to Hogwarts where it caused massive havoc and was ultimately destroyed. 

And Lucius, I imagine, no longer wants to serve a master.

But he has no choice. And so begins Lucius’ descent into misery and hell as he’s given an increasing set of impossible, horrific, tasks in punishment that involve him watching as his wife and son are put through hell.

I believe Tom holds a special place in his cold, black, passive aggressive heart for Lucius Malfoy.

First, Tom makes Lucius’ house his headquarters. Oh, Lucius, you have a very nice, very large, estate? Why don’t you host your beloved, mad, cousin, her equally mad husband and brother-in-law? Oh, Bellatrix threatened to cut off your ear? Well, she’s just so passionate! 

Second, Lucius is told to go get the prophecy. Well, this is easier said than done. He nearly succeeds but then it all turns into the world’s largest clusterfuck that ends in two notable things. First, the prophecy is lost forever, shattered. Second, the government admits that Voldemort is truly resurrected. Both of these things are very bad in Tom’s book. And the blame can easily be put on Lucius’ head.

In response to this, Draco is now given an impossible task that Draco is too stupid to realize is designed to cause him (and his family) as much misery as possible. Draco is to assassinate Dumbledore. 

Likely, Tom was already informed by Snape that Dumbledore was dying. The blackened hand was too obvious a tell coming from too obvious a source for the pair to have hid it. I think trying to hide such information would have immediately blown Snape’s cover. So, Tom knows the man is dying, and doesn’t see fit to tell Draco this.

Instead, he tells Draco, “Kill Dumbledore as soon as possible or I deliver you to Fenrir Grayback.” Draco, however, is young and stupid, so he honestly thinks he is doing this to restore the family honor, earn glory for himself and for the cause, and is expected to do this entirely by himself. As a result, when Narcissa begs Snape to aid Draco, Draco blows them both off and only accepts help from Bellatrix because HE CAN DO THIS ON HIS OWN! DRACO IS A MAN.

This, of course, doesn’t work out either. Draco doesn’t deliver the killing blow, Snape does, but Tom decides to give him a pass.

Instead he moves on to his next plan which is making the Malfoy manor his torture chamber and POW camp. Even Draco, at this point, realizes this all kind of sucks. 

And then Voldemort finally dies a second time, and I’m sure Lucius just stares numbly at his malformed corpse, wondering if it will really take this time.

So that’s Lucius for you, paying always for his mistakes, and pretending he’s just as much of a nutcase as Bellatrix to fit in.

Bellatrix LeStrange

God, compared to the novel that is Lucius’ ridiculous life, I really don’t have much to say about her because I feel like there’s not much too her.

Bellatrix reminds me a lot of the Manson family, she gives off those same vibes. Point being, I think even before Azkaban (while Azkaban certainly didn’t help), she was insane and a little too worshipful of Voldemort.

I guess I can start there, I don’t think Bellamort is a thing, at all. 

Tom may have, probably did, have sex with her before he died but afterwards? In that body? Forget about it.

That said, I’m sure Bellatrix both wanted to have sex and is convinced she did have sex to produce whatever the hell Delphi even is. It just wasn’t with Tom, and probably was Rodolphous with a Halloween mask on his face as they got a little too into role play.

And there we go, I suppose, I can’t take Bellatrix seriously. You often see her portrayed as sexy femme fatale Death Eater, the most competent of all of them, if a bit of a sadist.

Oh she might be a very good duelist but she’s... Bellatrix.

She prances around in corsets, shrieking madly, and just what part of that is supposed to be femme fatale? I literally cannot take her seriously on any level. When I even try to write her seriously, in very serious stories, I end up with lines like the following:

"My lord, if there's anything you need… Anything from me, specifically, as a woman…" 

- Bright Eyes

That was my best attempt. That was the best I could come up with. It’s still something that belongs in a comedy.

So, I don’t think Tom really corrupted her. I think without Voldemort she still probably would have been blowing up Diagon Alley, just in a much less organized manner.

Even in canon she does ridiculous things. For example, Bellatrix, frankly, could have easily avoided prison.

For weeks after the dark lord fell neither she, her husband, Barty, nor her brother-in-law were arrested. Bellatrix in grief and utter disbelief that the dark lord could ever do something so mortal as die, said “remember that other house our lord mentioned, THEY MIGHT HAVE INFORMATION, LET’S GO MURDER THE LONGBOTTOMS!” They torture and kidnap Frank, demanding he tell them where their master is, THEY KNOW HE KNOWS. He doesn’t know. They go too far and torture the man into being a vegetable. “Shit, GET THE WIFE!” They go get the wife, do the same thing, with the same results.

They now have no information on the dark lord, two well regarded aurors tortured into brain damage, and are quickly caught and brought before the court with absolutely no “I was imperiused” excuse they can give out. 

How am I supposed to take her in any way seriously?

I mean, to end your life killed in a duel with Molly Weasley. That just says it all.

[moonlightflower21]

Sometimes people aren't meant to be in relationships...

"We need to talk..." The deep voice of your mutant turtle boyfriend filled the room and you turned towards the window, a neutral expression on your face. As bad as it was, he was the last person you wanted to end the night with. Lately everything had been different. Your interaction with him depended on the entirety of his mood. He deemed he was too busy for you but you had drop everything just to be there for him? This wasn't how relationships worked. Granted, this was his first hur even after trying to talk to him, he was the equivalent of a brick wall. Just go through one ear and out the other.

"What?" You answered, sitting down on your bed. A fluffy blanket draped your legs, tiredness crawling in your veins. Hopefully he would go soon, for you really couldn't be asked for his bullshit.

"You haven't called in days, what's going on??" He asked, leaning against the wall with an accusing brow. Yours were now raised, wondering if he was actually being serious. Oh, so now he cared??

"What does it look like?? I'm in bed. And I didn't call because I simply didn't want to. I am not obliged to talk to you everyday especially if you cannot be bothered to put in the effort either" Your fingers gripped the blanket tightly, hoping he was able to pick up on the signs and leave. But he didn't, of course he wouldn't.

"It's like I don't know who you are anymore. You suddenly seem to busy to do anything with me. And when I ask, you leave promptly. How can I put in effort when you can't even be around me anymore!" He snapped, you could practically see the steam coming from his ears. But anger bubbled in your stomach and you stood, ripping the blanket off and throwing it away from you. Any and all signs of tiredness and exhaustion flew out of your body and rage filled the spot instead.

"Who the fuck do you think you are??? Walzing into my bedroom, accusing me of absurd things! Why should I even make the effort?? Everything is always about you! All our talks, all our interactions. When was the last time you've asked me if I was okay?? I'm just a thing you like having on your elbow, something to show off to your brothers but you know what?? I can't do it! I don't give a fucking damn if you're upset because you've made me feel like shit for months! But have I ever made you feel bad about it??" You yelled, watching his figure stiffen and clench at the tone of your voice. You've never raised your voice at him like this before.

But he wasn't a child, he was a full grown adult that had to understand that life isn't easy. Everyone has problems and issues and he isn't the one in the entire world that has it hard.

"And while we're at it, your number one excuse is always your ninjitsu responsibilities and I understand. Believe me, if I didn't I would've left months ago. But suddenly it's my fault these people don't appreciate the work you do for them! Am I supposed to go to every resident in the city and praise you??"

"That's quite enough, Y/N!-" He started but you stopped him there. He wanted to open the bottle of faults and blame, you sure as hell were going to make him understand it was a two way situation.

"Be quiet. I'm not done" You seethed, fists clenched so tightly you were sure your fingernails had penetrated the first layer of your skin. But you couldn't bring yourself to care, your entire body felt hot. Anger, disappointment, bitterness, pain, everything swirled in your head and poured out of your mouth.

"You don't know HALF the shit I'm going through. You obviously don't care so please, tell me what the fuck is this relationship?? For you to dump all your problems on me?? As a partner, I will listen and console you when needed. But I draw the line now, I am not your therapist. You don't bother listening to me, so now it's the same. I don't care what happens to you, Leonardo" Hands raised in surrender, you step back maintaining the eye contact. You heard a soft gasp coming from him as you spilled your true feelings but you couldn't care less. Actually it felt refreshing to say everything that was weighing you down, able to finally fucking breathe.

"What are you saying?" He whispered, voice hoarse. Pins felt like they flooded his throat, following all the way down to his chest. Puncturing his heart. As if everything was on a standstill, the words fell from your lips slowly. And yet, he couldn't do anything to stop them.

"Isn't it obvious? I can't do this anymore. Mentally and physically. I can't be the person you want me to be. And clearly you're not happy with who I am-"

"I am! God, Y/N, I love you for who you are-"

"No you don't. Like I said, you fell in love with the idea of having a partner. But you don't love me for who I am. You want me to be someone who benefits you and you only. I just.... I can't do it" You laughed, however he knew there was anything but humour in your tone.

It hurt you to say the next words but you know he has to hear them, in order for you both to move on. You wouldn't have ever thought you could say it to his face but boy, life sure works in crazy ways.

"Leonardo, I just.... I don't love you" You utter calmly, glancing at those stormy irises. You know he won't break down in front of you but you can sense his sadness from here. It made you feel weird, you weren't ever the cause for his grief.

Leo didn't think he heard you correctly, expecting you to break out in a smile and yell it's all a joke. But your face spoke otherwise. Hands folded, stance rigid, he knew you meant business.

"So this how it's going to end? When... when did this happen?" He sniffs, both eye brows raised trying his ultimate best to not cry in front of you. You knew what he was referring to but was it ever acceptable to tell a partner when you fell out of love with him? It would be too much for him to handle.

"I don't know-" "Tell me" He commands, his stature matching yours and you shrug your shoulders. Fine, you had warned him. See if he can handle the cold truth.

"Around two weeks ago. I realised that this relationship... well, I've already told you" You eye his features. Though he seems unfazed, his eyes tell a different story.

"Okay..." He brushed a hot tear away, knowing it was only going to be the first of many to arrive. His heart pained immensely, as though someone had a tight grip around it. Slowly but surely breaking piece by piece.

"I'm sorry... for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed. And I'm so sorry for ever treating you like you didn't matter" He turned to look at you, his sapphire eyes shining with the unshed tears. It just twisted the knife that was in your heart. The tears shouldn't be there, he shouldn't have to feel like this. Your arms pitched with the urge to hold him, pretend that it was all going to be okay. Because even if he put you through hell, you still loved him. And that was what you hated the most. Even after everything, why did your heart still beat for him?

"Just close the window when you leave" You turn away, picking up the tossed blanket on the floor. He nods, taking a deep breath. Feeling another hot tear leave his eyes unwillingly, he obliged. He didn't know what he had expected anyway. You to wipe his tear and kiss away his pain? In another world perhaps, but here? Only a turmoil of pain and he was right in the centre. Quietly, the window gently closed as he vanished in the night.

You had taken a deep breath but your lungs felt empty. Heart heavy, body numb, the pain you tried to keep in all night dripped down your cheeks. Continuous hot tears rolled down and you hadn't the energy to wipe them away. And funnily enough, through this you could feel your heart slowly being relieved. Slowly being let out of the shackles it once was pinned in.

Leo didn't know where he was going, anywhere but his home. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, the tears blurred his vision. Stinging his eyes, burning his cheeks but they were unstoppable. Hearing a loud roll of thunder in the distance, he knew he should have gone home. But he wasn't able to face his family. What a horrible day.

One minute he was on the ledge and the next he felt himself toppling off the edge. Through his heartbreak, he must've miscalculated a step and toppled down the long building. His body banged into the walls, scratched roughly by the bricks until he was thrown into the ground with a loud bang. He was so lucky it wasn't packed and crowded.

Surrounding by the bin bags, drenched with rain, he couldn't hold it in anymore. A shaky cry overcame his body, heavy sobs racking his entire body. He felt like he couldn't breathe, hands trembling trying to console himself. The cries felt like they came from his very soul, gasping for air that never reached his chest. Everything hurt around him. And as if the sky was in agreement, the drizzle of rain became heavy; drenching his very core.

His calf burned, excruciating pain shot up his leg if he added the slightest bit of pressure. Skin was torn from his shoulders and his head felt like it had been punched several times relentlessly.

The rain washed his body, stinging his wounds and carrying the blood away. He heard his phone go off but he hadn't the courage to answer it just yet. He needed help but he couldn't bear to look at anyone. He was where he belonged, with the trash and the dirt. He deserved the hate from other people. He deserved your anger. If only he was able to truly see how you were, maybe this could have been prevented.

Some people didn't deserve love, maybe he was one of them.

No, he was one of those people.