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coreychick · 4 years ago

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Chapter 16: The Cold

Part of the In the Dark Series: 18+ Smut & Story /Romance and Adventure Din X Fem Reader InsertJust a reminder, I do not post warnings, so if you have triggers, this may not be a story for you. A/N: We're getting something new here- A peek into Din's perspective. Hope you love it, cause it might be my favorite so far. Also check below, which song was the inspiration for the whole chapter.

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A drawing I did after writing this chapter:

Hunter's World

The streets of Keyorin are raw and hungry. Row after row of dirty buildings plagued by graffiti and neon signs peddling the glowing promise of booze, sex and entertainment. Holographic images of prostitutes of varying species walk circles in their designated territories- advertisements for what lies beyond the smoked glass of the more affluent establishments. Large inground vents line the sidewalks, pumping billowing clouds of hot steam into the air. Dark alleys parallel each street, promising darker deeds- unseen because the glow from the dim street lights doesn’t quite reach their recesses. A single tree, bush or facet of nature remains to be seen- a stark contrast from every other planet you’ve been to.

“Stay close to me.” Mando reminds you for the second time. You’re sure he’d be holding your hand if he didn’t feel it was more important to have it ready to draw on his weapon. He lets you hold the tracking beacon, programmed to lead to the exact location of the last known coordinates of the transmission from Vale.

The tiny red bulb on the tracker indicates a building at the end of the street, to be your target. You cinch your hood a little tighter around your neck, the bite of the frigid air stinging your skin. Flurries of snowflakes swirl around your boots.

Not even a fresh blanket of snow can make this city look clean.

The streets are not overly crowded, but there are a fair number of people loitering around. The vast majority you notice, are male. Unlike other cities you’ve been in with Mando- they don’t seem to pay him much notice here. This must in fact be ‘Hunter’s World’, if the sight of a Mandalorian doesn’t draw much attention.

As you near the building at the end of the street you can see the front doors are bordered by frosted glass, illuminated by soft glowing blue light on the inside. You can’t see through the glass, but shadows in the shape of bodies move around like a live art installation. As you near the glass you can hear the undeniable sounds of female moaning. Your eyes focus in closer at the silhouettes being projected onto the glass. A hand and breast momentarily press up against the glass, while a softer, larger silhouette stands behind it. You were wrong. They weren’t projected images- they are actual people fucking behind the glass- a sideshow display to temp anyone passing by on the street.

You swallow a hard lump in your throat. You wouldn’t call yourself prude by any means, but this seems very illicit- yet every other passerby is almost bored by it. Albeit for the one man who stands nearby watching the shadows move intently, a cool expression on his face. He takes a swig from a bottle wrapped in a paper bag and then chucks it into the alley- his hand now free to palm the bulge in his pants. A cleaning droid hustles after the bottle, an attempt by the establishment to keep the immediate area clean, despite all efforts by the world outside the doors.

“I don’t want to take you in there, but I’m not leaving you alone, so I’m afraid I don’t have any other choice.”

“S’ok, you know I’d come anyway.”

“You have that blade I gave you?”

“Yep. Right here.” you say, patting the small of your back where you’d tucked it into your belt.

“You know how to use it?”

“Err...stick the stabby end into the bad guy?”

Mando sighs. “I guess we’ll have to work on that, later.”

Your heart begins pounding, both curious and apprehensive as to what lies beyond the doors. As you approach, the entrance doors open with a woosh . The hallway beyond is dark, lit only by the blue light coming through the glass walls. Blurry figures of men and women deep in the throes can be gleaned, accompanied by grunts and moans of pleasure. At the end of the corridor a woman waits to greet all patrons. She’s drop dead gorgeous- high cheekbones painted with glittering highlighter, lengthy purple eyelashes that flutter over sparkling eyes, thigh high pleather boots cover her long legs, and a vest made of fur barely contains her over-spilling cleavage.

I wonder what Mando thinks of her? What I wouldn’t give to see his reaction to her.

“Greetings. Welcome to Shadow’s Flower, Keyorin’s premiere destination for satisfying one’s ultimate desires. How can we service you today? A private room perhaps?” her voice is all sultry, whiskey and purrs.

Mando is straight to business and quick to reply.

“No. We’re looking for someone known to pass through.”

“I see, and who might that be?” she says, trailing a finger down her décolletage.

You wonder if that’s standard procedure for all newcomers or if she has a thing for Mando specifically.

“Goes by Vale.”

“Vale, huh?” she says, biting her lip and trying to decide how to answer.

She shifts a little, tilting her head. “Well, I haven't seen Vale in a day or so, but you never know, the night is still young.”

“Where can I find ‘em?”

“Oh sugar, they don’t give that kind of information to someone so low on the totem pole, but- you’re not completely out of luck. One of Vale’s associates is in the lounge right now. You’re welcome to make friends and find out for yourself.”

“Fine. Who’s the associate?”

“Sin Shikara. Just look for the short hunter- a palm full of tit in one hand and a cigar in the other, can’t miss it.” she smiles.

Mando nods and you follow closely behind as you enter a large lounge area. There are tables scattered all over the room, each with customers of varying species. In the center, a bar where half-clad women serve drinks. There is an array of booths around the perimeter, each with a pole running from the top of the ceiling down to the table. Others have ropes or other means of restraints that dangle from above.

Mando stops to scan the room, the way he always does when he enters a crowded place. You scan too, only without the nifty tricks of a helmet. There’s a dance floor off to the side, where men and women alike seduce clientele into paying for more expensive entertainment. The music playing is smooth, hypnotic, and sensual- a clever tool to aid in their propositions.

A very large devaronian sits at the head of a large table, his associates scattered around, all deep in conversation with each other or one of the girls who works here. His skin is a shade of deep red- you always thought his species resembled a cartoon version of a devil, only thing missing was a tail and pitchfork. A female Pantoran in a very short skirt, straddles his lap. The stark red of his skin pressed against the cool blue of hers, makes for a startling contrast. She begins flicking her hips up and down and the devaronian’s eyes practically roll back into his head. The woman begins moaning, grabbing onto the dev’s horns- her own personal set of handlebars- and forces his face to her bare breasts. She quickens her pace and now there’s no doubt in your mind that if the skirt were about three inches shorter, you’d have a full on view of the dev’s dick thrusting into her.

Maker, am I really seeing this?

If the devaronian’s size was any indication of what he was packing below the waist, you’d offer to buy the woman a drink, some pain killers and an ice pack later. The man was a beast and the whole thing was just so blatant, right there in the open, a show for anyone to see. Just as the thought occurs to you, the dev makes direct eye contact with you over the female's shoulder. His eyes lock onto yours and he smiles.

Oh Maker, he caught me staring.

The dev winks at you and your stomach drops. He grabs onto the woman’s waist and drives her down harder onto his lap. You immediately avert your gaze. You hear a loud grunt and the female moans loudly.

Did me looking just push him over the edge? Your skin crawls at the thought.

You continue scanning the room and a table off to the left catches your eye. You lightly nudge Mando’s arm with your elbow.

“There, the woman with the red lips.”

She sits at a table pushed up against one of the frosted glass walls, her back to the scene that plays out behind them. She has beautiful dark hair, choppy in texture, that lands just above her shoulder on one side, shorn on the other. She wears a vest crisscrossed with various blades and other weapons, including a visible blaster on the side of her ribs. Her eyes are painted with a dark kohl that stretches all the way across the bridge of her nose, giving the mock impression of a mask. The dark paint starkly contrasts the brightness of her golden eyes. In her lap, a bare chested woman sits, and her lips- coated in deep red, are wrapped around a lit cigar.

Mando nods in agreement, that must be who we are looking for.

Mando continues to scan the room as you make your way over to the table. The woman clocks your approach and leans back comfortably in her seat. You come to a stop in front of her table, the girl in her lap eyeing you both curiously.

She puffs out a plume of smoke and speaks up first.

“You got a puck with my name on it Mando? Cause if so, I gotta tell you, that’s really gonna kill my buzz.”

“No. I’m not here for that. I was told you could help me find an associate of yours, I’m looking for Vale.” Mando says.

"Who told you that?”

“Girl at the door.”

“Yeah well, she’s got a big mouth. You got a puck for him?”

Him? Vale is a man.

“No, no puck. Just need to talk to him.”

She takes her time responding, eyeing the two of you up and down- no doubt calculating the threat level. She puffs out another plume of smoke from her cigar.

"Why should I help a bounty hunter?”

“Because I asked nicely. I don’t want to have to ask the other way.”

She smirks in response.

“This is what you call asking nicely? Get lost hunter. I’m not a fucking message service and as you can see, I am otherwise preoccupied.” she says, squeezing a handful of boob.

You decide to interject and see if you can gain any ground with her. Maybe she’s just not a fan of bounty hunters in general and Mando doesn’t give off a particularly warm vibe at first meetings.

“Sin Shakara,” you address her. She turns to face you, acknowledging your presence for the first time. “I’m terribly sorry to disturb your...evening. I assure you, we’re not here with ill intentions. I’m looking for Vale because I owe him a debt of gratitude, and I was just hoping to do that in person.”

Sin quirks a brow, her interest piqued. Clearly she’s surprised by your approach.

“And who are you, exactly?”

You shake your head, nonchalantly, “Honestly, nobody worth concerning yourself over. I’m not here to cause any trouble, I just want to pass on my gratitude and then I'll be on my way.”

“Well Nobody , you’ve got my attention.” she says. She kicks her foot out under the table, pushing the chair opposite her, out in offering.

“Have a seat.”

You take the offer and sit down, Mando takes the chair beside you.

“This message of gratitude, does it come with, oh let’s say...a knife in the back or a target on his head?”

“No, nothing like that.”

The look on her face says she's entertained, but not buying your story for a minute.

“Then why travel with a bounty hunter?” she says, staring pointedly at Mando.

“I’m not a tracker, I needed help getting here, so I hired the best I could find. Simple as that.”

Mando turns his head to you, but remains silent, letting you play out the lie. Sin takes a deep draw on the cigar and squints her eyes just slightly, like she’s trying to decide how truthful this all sounds.

“Tell me Nobody,” she says, exhaling another puff of smoke. “What is it exactly that Vale could ever have possibly done for someone else, that would warrant a trip across the galaxy, all for a ‘thank you’?”

“I prefer to keep my business to myself, if you don’t mind.”

“As do I Sweets, but I’m not passing on information to someone I just met, simply because they say ‘pretty please’. Without just cause, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

What she says, of course, is reasonable. You know you’ll have to give her more information. You tread the line carefully, offering her a small taste of the truth- hopefully without implicating anything damning about yourself.

It’s a risk I have to take.

“A few years ago, he donated a large sum to an orphanage on Bestine. I'm here to deliver a message of gratitude on behalf of the orphans.”

The best lies, the most believable ones, are often laced with the truth.

Sin silently stares at you. Something sparks in her eyes, but it’s gone in an instant- too quick for you to decipher. She leans in and whispers something to the girl sitting in her lap. The girl nods and makes haste to leave the table- Sin, giving her an affectionate smack on the ass as she walks away. You follow her path with your eyes until she disappears down a dark back hallway.

“So,” Sin says, leaning back in her chair, hooking the neck of a brown bottle with her index finger, “I take it you were one of the orphans then?”

How to answer? You don’t want to give away anything that will ultimately lead to revealing your identity, but you’ve got to give her something to chew on. You’re about to answer when something catches your peripheral. The large devaronian from earlier, he’s headed straight for you.

He slams his palms down on the table, leaning in and cutting himself into the conversation. You silently applaud your ability to avoid flinching and retain an undaunted expression. Despite addressing Sin by name, he stares directly at you as he speaks.

“Well Sin, what’ve you got here. Why don’t you introduce me to your little friend.”

The fact that he seems completely oblivious to, or un-phased by the presence of a Mandalorian at your side is unsettling.

Please don’t be Vale. Please don’t be Vale.

Sin sighs, like this is common behavior coming from the dev. “Vandaal, meet Nobody. Nobody, meet Vandaal.”

“Nobody? Nah, I don’t believe that for one second. I’ll bet you’ve got a real pretty name, haven't you little one?”

Little One? Well, you suppose compared to a devaronian, you would seem little.

You make a conscious effort not to look at Mando. You don’t want to appear weak or as if you depend on him for support. I can handle my shit.

You address him directly and by name. “Do you mind Vandaal? Sin and I were just in the middle of something, and I’d like to finish up and let her get back to her night.”

You try not to come off as rude, though you’re certain a modicum of irritation slips through the cracks. He leans in a little closer to your face, his body now closing in your entire field of vision.

“It’s your night I’m interested in, Little One. I saw you earlier...couldn’t take your eyes off me as I fucked the Panto, could you?”

You furrow your brows as if you’re trying to remember. “Hmmm, sorry. Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Don’t play coy with me Little One, I looked right into your eyes as I filled her cunt.”

You can’t help but try to swallow the lump forming in your throat at his admission.

“Wait, ahh. I do remember now. She had a kill-er set of boots, I was thinking about asking her where she got them. I’m all about supporting local craftsmen, ya know?”

“Well, I’m here to ask you, what time we’ll be fucking? I’m ready to go right now.”

You sense Mando's anger, can practically feel it radiating off of his armor in waves.

“Right now? So soon? Damn, you don’t even give the sheets a chance to dry, do you?”

He offers you a wicked grin that promises all sorts of deviant behavior- a row of large sharp teeth that retract a little when he speaks, allowing him to talk.

“Sorry Van, not interested.” you say, giving him a smile that clearly doesn’t meet your eyes.

“What’s the problem Little One? I know you liked what you saw.”

“The problem? Uh, anatomy for one. I prefer all of my internal organs to stay where they are. And two, I told you, I’m not interested.”

You casually curl your right arm behind your back, lifting the hem of your shirt to grasp the handle of the blade tucked into your waistband. Your heart begins to beat faster, preparing for what's to come if this conversation continues to go sideways.

He leans in impossibly close this time, his voice dropping to a whisper. You can smell the spice of whatever ale he was drinking linger on his breath. He has several gold hoops lining his earlobes and dozens of scars dredged over his blood colored skin.

“I won’t lie, Little One. Parts of it are going to hurt, but it’ll be worth it in the end.”

He reaches forward to, brush a hair from your face? Touch your cheek? You have no idea and don’t wait long enough to find out. You quickly push his arm aside with your left hand and simultaneously whip out your right arm. You propel your arm forward, aiming for the dev’s head and slam your fist forward until your finger bones crush up against the hilt of the dagger handle.

The next few seconds are a blur of movement. You kick back out of your chair and an immovable wall of beskar shields you from Vandaal. Mando stands chest to chest with the brute, the two of them staring at each other. The dev stands a foot above Mando, his size super imposing. Neither seems to make a move, content to just stare each other down. You take a step away from Mando’s back so you can get a better look at the dev. When his face comes into view you can see the tip of the dagger has been lodged into the dev’s horn, like a dart on a dartboard. The handle ticks back and forth like a swinging pendulum.

Uh, not quite what I was going for.

“You heard her, she’s not interested.” Mando says, his modulated voice coming out low and threatening. His arm is slightly extended away from his body. You know the stance. He's ready to spring first.

Vandaal takes a deep breath, forcing his lungs to expand and his chest to press up harder against Mando, his breath fogging the outside of Mando’s visor.

“What’s it to you, Mando?”

Before Mando can answer, a second voice rings out from behind you.

“The girl said she wasn’t interested Van, suck it up and hit the road.”

You turn and see a large human male, near to Mando’s size, approach from the side. He’s lean and muscled with broad shoulders. His hair can’t quite decide what color it wants to be, too dark to be brown, too light to be black. He has a sharp jaw, masked by a thick beard. A jagged scar bisects his right brow and continues down to the top of his cheek. He has another prominent scar above his ear that shows through his hair- cut short on the sides and left longer on the top. A complex geometric pattern is tattooed on his neck. It seamlessly morphs with the chords of his neck muscles, creating a bold wrapping effect.

A blaster peeks out from the inside of his brown trench coat- it likely conceals a bevy of other weapons as well. Despite his rough and rugged exterior, women would undoubtedly find him attractive.

“Hit. The. Road.” he adds, with a nod indicating Van should go.

Van continues to stare at Mando’s visor for a moment longer before reluctantly following orders from the newcomer.

“Wait!” you call out, “I want my dagger back.”

The new guy chuckles softly, a wood toothpick casually sticking out between his lips. “You heard her, let her have her dagger back.”

Van practically has steam coming out of his ears, clearly annoyed that he has to obey the order. He steps around Mando and faces you. Mando’s hand slides to his blaster, prepared to shoot. Van stares down at you, much the way he had been staring down at Mando seconds ago- like you're a mouse and he a lion. He slowly leans his head forward, putting his horns in reach, the dagger still wobbling. You swallow hard and reach up to palm the hilt, tugging on the end. The dagger doesn’t budge. You have to reach your second hand up and pull down with your weight for leverage. The dagger pops loose and you stumble a step back. Mando is right there waiting to catch you.

“I look forward to our next meeting, Little One.” he says with a gleam in his yellow-green eyes.

“Next time, I’ll stick this in your ear,” you snap back.

He shoots Mando one last look before scarcely acknowledging the newcomer and heading away toward the exit. You notice Sin, off to the side, watching the whole altercation with amusement in her eyes. You turn to face trench coat guy, tucking the blade back into your waistband.

“You always did have a knack for finding trouble, didn’t you bunny?”

Your heart stutters.

Bunny. A name I haven't been called in years. A term of endearment only one person ever used.

Your eyes fly to his, drawing deep on their familiar coloring. Recognition takes hold.

DIN

Initially, I am relieved when the devaronian stands down. I was one breath away from from ripping his stupid fucking horns off of his head and cramming them down his throat. The foul sewage spewing from his mouth, the way he looked at her with lust in his eyes...I should have killed him where he stood- had already been calculating our escape.

Pluck dagger from his horn, plunge it into his windpipe, pull down, severing throat vertically. Three possible exits. Front door. Back door at the end of the hall. Break the frosted glass and head out through the sex dens. Enemy count, unknown: Sin Shakara, possible ally to the dev, formidable opponent. The onlookers from the dev’s table earlier- abilities unknown, weapons….a lot. Use whistling birds. Overall chances? Five to one.

I like those odds.

Now there’s a new opponent, one that seems far smarter and therefore more dangerous. One the devaronian takes orders from. He’s armed with a blaster, two blades and a set of brass knuckles he wears on his right hand. Those are the weapons I can see, though a scan with the helmet indicates more lie beneath the cover of his trench.

He prefers to fight with his hands, good to know.

New odds, seven to one.

Can’t risk her safety.

I step in front of her, shielding her from the human newcomer. The man briefly stares back at me before speaking.

“You always did have a knack for finding trouble, didn’t you Bunny?”

Bunny?

The way the man speaks, it sounds as if he knows her. I turn to her and see disbelief written in her expression. She steps around me and closer to the male, studying his features. Recognition lights up her face.

“Halo? Halo, is that you?” she says in bewilderment.

“It’s me, Bunny.”

“Halo!” she practically squeals in delight. She moves around me and runs straight into the man’s arms, a beautiful wide grin spread across her face.

Immediately irritation spikes my blood at the way the man’s name sounds, as it leaves her lips. The man extends his open arms out to her as she runs headlong into his embrace. He wraps his arms around her, lifting her up off the ground into a bear tight hug. Her arms fly up to wrap around his neck in an equally tight clutch. She squeezes her eyes closed as his left hand cradles the back of her head. He whispers something inaudible into her ear. She listens intently and nods her head ‘yes’ when he stops speaking. A dozen thoughts storm through my brain at once. I should be relieved that she knows this person- maybe we won't have to fight our way out after all- but then again, I'm not. The way he's holding her...maybe we will.

Who is he? How does she know him? He’s touching her. Kill now, ask questions later. Take what’s mine. Leave right now. What is he saying to her? Kill.

After what seems like an agonizingly long reunion embrace, the asshole- apparently named ‘Halo’- sets her back down on her feet. Before I can feel any sense of relief though, the asshole irritates me further by leaning forward and pressing his forehead to hers, in another affectionate exchange. The two seem to share some type of silent communication with one another.

Stay cool, don’t blow your fucking top- yet. You need answers.

Finally, she steps back, seeming to remember that there are multiple other people in the room, all watching the exchange.

“Mando, this is Halo- a close family friend. We grew up on Bestine together.”

“Friend?” I sound confused, even to my own ears.

“Yeah, we lived next door to each other, up until I went to the orphanage that is.”

I look at Halo, gauging his response.

“Yeah, I haven't seen Bunny since she was a little girl...but look at her- all grown up now. You can imagine my surprise to hear that she’s been looking for me.”

All grown up, indeed.

“Looking, for you ?” she says. “You’re Vale!?”

“Haven’t gone by ‘Halo’ since I left Bestine.”

He knows her. They have a shared past of some sort.

The look on her beautiful face. She looks like she’s in awe of him.

He doesn’t deserve that look, not from her.

“Can we talk? I have so many questions.” she asks.

“Sure,” he says, offering me a polite nod, that doesn’t quite feel sincere. “We can talk in private. Your friend can wait here, I’m sure Sin can entertain him for a while.”

“No.” I protest, taking a step closer to my girl. “Wherever she goes, I go.”

If he thinks to take her from me, I will kill him where he stands.

Halo looks to her for confirmation. She bites her lip. “He’s…” she starts, looking into my visor the way she always does when she's searching for the right words, but hesitates. “I trust him.”

“I see.” he says, inhaling a deep breath. “Well, I’d prefer to talk to you in private. How about if we have a quick dance, right over there on the dancefloor? You and I can talk in private and your friend here can keep you in sight, whatta you say?”

She turns to me, offering reassurance with her eyes. “I think that’d be fine. I’ll be in sight the whole time.” she says.

Not okay. I don’t want her more than an arm's reach away right now, but I can’t undermine her in front of the others.

Why is she so quick to trust him? Even if they had been childhood friends, that doesn’t seem reason enough to trust him now.

Stubborn girl.

“I’ll be right here,” I reassure her.

My stubborn girl nods and walks side by side with Halo to the dance floor. I refuse the seat Sin once again offers and choose to lean against the wall instead- arms crossed, where I can keep a close eye on the situation. Sin huffs at my choice, puffing out a cloud of smoke on her cigar. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that she is just as displeased at the two of them dancing together as I am. She has a look of annoyance plastered on her face.

I watch as Halo removes his brass knuckles, placing them in his pocket, then rounds on her, placing one hand on the small of her back and the other in her palm. They begin to slow dance while they dive deep into a conversation I can’t hear. I have no doubt that Halo chose the dancefloor to discuss their business, simply because the music makes it impossible for anybody standing near to hear what they are saying. Without the aid of the amplifier on my rifle, I can’t make out a single word, even with the helmet dialed in.

“You know, I’ve seen Halo with dozens of women over the years,” Sin says, a hint of bitterness in her voice, “but never once seen him ask one to dance.”

The revelation isn’t a welcome one.

“You don’t sound too happy about it.” I voice it aloud.

“I’m as happy about it as I imagine you look under that helmet right about now.”

“Why’s that?” I ask, shifting as I gauge the close proximity of my girl dancing with the guy. Surely it isn’t necessary to be that close? I’m not certain though- never danced a day in my life.

“When a woman gets a man to start behaving out of his character, it’s usually bad for business.” No shit.

Out of character? I wondered what is ‘in character' for this guy. I've met many of his kind before. He was the type of man, women should avoid, yet always find attractive. He has a natural charm, the kind that can talk the panties off a nun.

I watch intently as he says something that makes her laugh. She tilts her head back smiling up at Halo like he has just said the funniest thing in the world. I want to rip his head off, for being the one to make her laugh like that.

One minute I am silently praising her, championing her for her quick wit and show of strength against the devaronian, the next I find myself wanting to haul her ass over my shoulder and spank her, for handing over her trust to this Halo guy, so easily.

“That one has got some fight in her, huh?” Sin says.

“You have no idea.” I say, stretching out the words.

“That dagger dangling from Van’s horn is the funniest shit I’ve seen in ages,” she says. “He’s gonna be pissed for weeks at the damage. Devaronians take real pride in their horns. She might as well have shanked him in the dick.”

I ignore Sin’s comments, unable to focus on much beyond the placement of Halo’s hands. I am getting a bad feeling about this whole thing. Something about Halo seems familiar, but I can’t quite place it. I make a mental note to check the New Republic wanted records and backlogs for his name- or both names as it were. The guy is obviously running from some sort of past if he changed his name at some point.

I watch in mounting frustration, my temper ratcheting up a degree with every step they take together. When the song ends, they continue to dance, seemingly lost in whatever conversation they are having. I’m a hot second away from breaking up their little reunion celebration when she nods and the two make their way back over to the table. Finally.

Halo speaks first. “Well, we’ve got lots more catching up to do, but I’m sorry I have to cut our time short tonight. I have some business matters to attend to, and I’m afraid they can’t wait any longer. I’d like to invite you both to stay at my place for the night…”

I quickly cut him off, “We’ll be returning to the ship.”

“Are you sure? You’ll have the finest accommodations and I assure you, you’ll be a lot safer than in the shipyards.”

“No, thank you. We’ll be staying on the ship.” I insist. No way in hell I am trusting this guy, especially on his turf.

I notice the flash of disappointment that crosses my girl’s face, but she doesn’t protest. Good girl.

“Alright,” Halo says with a smile. “I’ll have Sin here take you back to your ship.”

“That won’t be necessary, we’ll walk.”

“Walk?” Halo says, looking back and forth between my girl and me. “The temperature has dropped substantially since you arrived, you’ll freeze out there.”

“We’ll be fine.” I insist, my resolve unwavering.

Halo seems a little put out by my insistence, until she echoes my thoughts.

“We’ll be fine.” she assures him.

Halo stares at me for a moment, disapprovingly. If I’m reading his expression correctly, it's says: “Anything happens to her and I’ll kill you.” Right back at ya, buddy.

“Here, at least take this,” he says, removing his trench coat and placing it around her shoulders. I feel my whole body stiffen as she accepts it easily, sinking her arms into the too long sleeves. Halo pops the collar and tucks it in as tight as it will go around her neck. His coat on her skin. His scent. Wrath burns me from the inside out.

“I’ll send for you both at the yards tomorrow then, and we’ll finish our conversation.” he says, placing a kiss against her cheek. She returns a similar kiss to his, and I swear red runs across my vision.

Do. Not. Kill. Him...Yet.

“Ok, sounds goo…” she trails off as I pull her by the arm away toward the exit. We are leaving right now.

A few moments later, am leading us away and back through the streets, towards the shipyards where the Crest is waiting.

Just get back to the Crest, back to where things are safe, familiar. She wants to return tomorrow? That's not happening.

I struggle to think coherently, my mind stuck in a loop, replaying the kiss over and over in my head. After several moments of silence, once we’ve put enough distance between us and the club, I finally say something.

“Well, care to explain?”

“Which part?” she says.

“Who the hell was that for starters?”

“I told you, he’s a friend of the family. We grew up together, spent a good amount of time together, before my parents died.”

They have...history.

“You seem quick to trust someone you haven't seen in years. You were only, what? Maybe five or six?”

“Seven, and he was good to me, looked out for me as a kid.”

“He’s not good now, you saw him, saw who he associates with.” None of them can be trusted.

She sighs. “I trust him, I don’t think he’d hurt me.” I’ll end anyone who tries.

“Trust him? You don’t even know him!” I say, growing more and more irritated by the second. Her nature is too sweet for this world.

She ignores the change in my voice, hugging the trench coat to herself a little tighter. The temperature had indeed dropped further since we had first arrived. Snow continues to flurry, a fresh dusting kicks up with every step. A light sheet of frost was even forming over my beskar. I don’t feel any of the chill though, my skin is heated, body practically boiling over with anger.

“What did he say to you? I saw him whisper something in your ear.”

“He wanted to make sure I was ok, that I was with you voluntarily and that I wasn’t a ...bounty. He said if I was, all I’d have to do is give the word and he’d make sure I walked out the door a free woman.” She’s already free, and I’ll ensure that she stays so.

“We’re done, we’re not going back.” I say. I know it’s not what she wants to hear, but I’m done with this shit. It’s not worth the risk. We need to move on from this pipe dream.

She stops dead in her tracks.

“You may not be, but I am.”

“Like hell you are.” I say, turning around to face her. She’s got her stubborn expression on, her fists balled up tight, leaning into me as if she’s an immovable force- as if I can’t just toss her over my shoulder and put this planet behind us for good. Tiny white snowflakes float down, sticking to her hair, revealing her true nature. She is equal parts ethereal and wildling. So fucking beautiful like this.

“I didn’t come all this way, just to get this close and turn back. He has answers, I know he does.”

Answers. She lives only to find these answers. I wish I could give her something else to live for.

“He might be Imperial, we’re not risking it.”

“Imperial? Are you kidding? Did you see him? No way is he an Imp.”

“He may not be one, but he’s likely working with them. I’ve seen his kind before, he’d quickly throw you to the dogs if it means a decent payday.”

“Well if that’s not the pot calling the kettle black.”

I inhale for patience. Her jab hits a weak spot in my armor. It snakes itself right between the plates, finds my heart, and sinks its fangs in. My entire body echoes a pang every time I think about what I did. It’s precisely why I can’t risk her like that again.

She grabs the two ends of the coat collar and crosses them hand over hand, pulling them in tight to keep the sting of cold air off of her neck. The sight of Halo’s coat wrapped around her, pulls me from my thoughts, and causes my last thread of patience to snap. I can’t look at that coat a moment longer. I want to erase all traces of Halo. Stamp out every touch, every smell, that kiss….her last words. My dick goes rock hard at the thought of fucking her until she can remember no other name, save for mine.

“Take it off.”

Her little brows scrunch up in confusion.

“Wh..what?”

“The coat. Take it off….or I will.”

YOU

The threat hangs in the air. A shiver runs down your spine. It has nothing to do with the freezing temperature and everything to do with Mando’s voice. He sounds desperate...feral.

“You’re the one that insisted we walk, it’s freezing out here…”

Mando cuts you off with a pull on your arm. He tugs you away from the main road and directs you down a side alleyway. You follow along the side of a building until the glow of the streetlights no longer reaches and you’re left standing in the dark shadow of the corner. There’s little to be seen beyond some impressive graffiti on the walls, a trash receptacle, and a broken down speeder- long since stripped of its parts, little more than a frame and hood held up only by the cinders supporting it.

He drops your wrist and stares down at you.

“You heard me, do as you’re told.”

A surprising thrill courses through your veins. His tone, the urgency, his demand- it sends a needy pulse straight to your pussy.

He needs you to obey.

You briefly consider defying him, excited at the prospect of seeing how far you can push him- but quickly remember that that tactic once led to no orgasms for you. Instead you decide to give him what he wants, hoping you’ll be rewarded.

“You seem… a little jealous, Mando? You have no reason to be.” you say, feeling the first flush of warmth between your legs.

He steps closer, bearing down on you until your ass meets the hood of the busted up speeder.

“Say my name.” he commands, surprising you.

You can’t help it, don’t know why it’s so impossibly difficult for you to just give him what he wants. You want to, need to, crave to. But there’s also an undeniable charge you get from defying authority. Always has been.

“Mando.” you say, knowing perfectly well that’s not what he was asking for.

“Say. My. Name.” he says again, his voice promising untold things if you don’t.

You love this little game you play.

“Mando.” you repeat again, and sure, it was like waving a fresh kill in front of a starved bull rancor. But as you repeat the word you know he doesn’t want to hear, you slowly begin to shed the trench coat, offering him partial obedience.

You let the trench slide to the ground, pooling at your feet. The freezing air hits your body causing goosebumps to break out over your skin and your nipples to stiffen.

“There. Happy now?” you ask.

“Now, the boots.”

Your lips part on a stunned breath. Somehow you thought he’d be satisfied after the coat had been removed, content to let your bones chill a bit and then spend all of his time warming you back up once you returned to the Crest. You were dead wrong.

“My boots? " you say, looking down at them. "Are you crazy? There’s snow on the ground, I’ll freeze.”

“The boots. Now.” he says, his voice, all authority.

You glance around his shoulder, looking twenty or so yards down the alley to the street. Pedestrians occasionally pass by. None spare a glance down the passageway, and you suppose even if they did, this scene is being played out under the cover of darkness.

How far does he intend to take this?

You continue to stare into the T of his visor, even as you bend over to unlace and remove your boots, one by one. The bitter cold of the cement beneath your feet penetrates the barrier of your wool socks, causing needle-like pin pricks. You begin to unconsciously rub your arms for warmth, your breath now fogging the air with each exhale.

“Pants.” he says. A single word uttered with command, daring you to openly refuse him. Part of you wonders what might happen if you do, but a much needier part of you resists the urge.

Mando watches, completely stoic as you slowly unfasten the ties at your waistband. You reach back, pulling the dagger from it’s concealed location at your back and briefly hold it out in front of you before placing it on the hood of the speeder.

Wetness pools between your legs as you grow more aroused under his gaze. He has a sizeable bulge pressing aggressively against the barrier of his pants- one you want to expose to the cold air as well. He’s steady, makes no move to undress himself in any way, content to watch you strip down to bare flesh while he stands like a statue, with not a single inch of his own skin exposed to the elements- and the view of any lucky passersby on the street.

Your body begins to shiver and you’re not sure if it’s the frosty air or the anticipation. Maybe both.

You wiggle your hips back and forth, sliding the fitted trousers down and step out of the legs, one at a time. You hold the pants out in front of you before dropping them into a pile to join the other discarded items. Only your wool socks and black wrap top remain.

Mando can wait no longer. He scoops you up by cupping your ass and lifts you onto the hood of the speeder. If he didn’t have that damn helmet on, you’d be frantically kissing him, wrapping your legs tighter around his waist. You inhale a sharp breath as an icy burn scorches your ass when your skin makes contact with the frozen metal. Mando makes quick work of discarding his right glove, his effort so frantic, you smile at his haste. His left arm wraps around the small of your back, holding you in place while he makes his way straight to your pussy with his other hand. The first contact is utterly divine. His hands are so warm compared to the frigid air. He delves two fingers through your arousal, wasting no time.

“So wet already,” he says, plunging those two thick fingers in and out of your cunt. “What got you this wet baby? Was it me ...or was it him ?”

His words surprise you. He is jealous....has no reason to be.

It’s hard to concentrate on anything past the magic he’s producing with his hand, but you somehow muster one last brazen act of defiance before completely succumbing to his will.

“Which answer will make you fuck me harder?”

His response is a sharp intake of breath sucked through gritted teeth. He quickly unbuckles his belt, leaving it to hang off to the side while he unzips his pants just enough to loose his cock. It springs forth, eagerly bobbing. The second you see it, all thoughts of playful resistance melt away. You want to give this man whatever he desires, however he desires it.

You spread your legs wider, showing him everything you have to offer.

“How do you want me?” you ask, prepared to give him anything, no matter what the answer is.

Your surrender causes his body to vibrate with need. He takes his cock in hand, sweeping the leaking pre-cum over the tip with his thumb.

“Screaming my name.” is what he replies, as he presses the head into your entrance and slams his hips forward. His movements aren’t gentle or kind. They are primal and unrelenting. Mando pounds into you with everything he’s got and you yield completely, devouring every inch.

DIN

Maker, she is perfect, so fucking tight- the friction when I drag my cock out of her slick cunt and then drive it home again is so intense, so perfect. My cock is a wash, base to tip, in that delicious liquid arousal her body is so eager to give me. It paints my dick, my hips, and glistens on the inside of her silky thighs- she’s literally drenching me and I can’t get enough. In another time and place, I’d be down on my knees, licking every drop with a lap of my tongue. I’m already hard- painfully so, but the memory of her taste turns my cock to beskar steel.

I’ll make it up to her later, spend hours worshipping this pussy like it deserves- if she’ll let me- but right now, I just need to fuck her, fuck her senseless until all these other feelings melt away and there’s nothing left but the sound of my name on her lips.

Look at her. Does she have any idea how fucking beautiful she is like this? The sight of my cock stretching that pretty pussy as it disappears and reappears with every thrust is nearly too much. Her petal-soft lips blossom around me, swelling to ring my cock to perfection. Maker, she is flawless- I swear she was made just for me, and me alone. Her body, her face, her cries of pleasure, all expertly designed to break me down to a molecular level.

I’m rattled. Disturbed, at how badly I need her like this, open to me, willing to give me whatever I want. And she does. She accepts each brutal thrust and returns it with yearning and vigor. I know she’s close, her moans going deep and raspy, soft puffs of air fog against my visor. I return my thumb to rub firm circles around her aching clit, but no sooner do I touch it and she throws her head back and comes completely undone. Her eyes are squeezed shut and despite her whimpers of pleasure, she doesn’t say my name- a dead giveaway that I haven’t done my job. My stubborn girl is yet to be sated.

I forgo giving her a break. The sick bastard in me is getting off on seeing her squirm through the sensitivity as her orgasm recedes. I keep up my maddened pace, despite her body going completely liquid for me. With the first orgasm out of the way, her body becomes more pliant, capable of taking even more.

She loosens her grip on my neck- the severed touch, a tragic loss- as she leans back to lie down on the speeder’s hood. My momentary mourning over the lost contact is quickly replaced by a devastating view of her breasts. I tug the material down and to the side, something I had fantasized about the second I saw it in the marketplace, back on Tatooine. There between two perfect breasts- my pendant rests- a glaring reminder that there is a more important job I am supposed to be doing, one that I can’t lose sight of.

She arches her back, hard nipples begging to be sucked, jutting up to the sky. Tiny frozen snowflakes blanket the space all around her. I take hold of her neck and give her a gentle squeeze, just to help anchor her body in place, keep it from sliding further away from me. My hand looks so large- huge splayed across the delicate column of her neck- so beautiful. Suddenly, she opens her mouth, flashing her tongue out to catch the snow raining down from above. The sight of her tongue, the way the snow delicately lands on it- I can’t handle it. I have to fight a battle not to pull out of her hot pussy and feed my cock into that hot mouth instead. She’s radiant- beyond all imagining- as we fuck snow angels into the hood of this wrecked piece of junk.

I’ve never been so close to removing my helmet, so at peace with the idea of chucking it down this alleyway and walking away from it forever. If she asked me too, right now, at this moment- I know I would- without question. There’s something else happening here, something beyond just fucking. This woman will be the end of me- if I don’t end it first. I fear there'll be no recovering from this.

YOU

Whatever mystical powers of influence you have- they don’t hold a candle to what this man can get you to do for him at this moment. He takes and takes and doesn’t stop. You submit without hesitation, overwhelmed by the desire to give him what he wants. You want to feel your bones rattle, look forward to the soreness he’ll leave behind long after he’s finished with you.

He stretches your walls and strokes that hard to reach spot that sends you spiraling out of control with swift precision. He’s merciless, refusing to stop long after you’ve passed the point of maximum sensitivity. You want to beg him to stop, a watery tear falls down the side of your cheek as the overwhelming pleasure persists. You realize why. You didn’t give him what he asked for.

Your body is already melting into a useless puddle, your limbs going heavy and near unresponsive. You lay back on the hood of the speeder, no longer able to squeeze your legs around his waist. The icy-cold metal burns your back, despite your ass having gone completely numb a long time ago.

Mando easily tugs your double wrap style top down, exposing your breasts to the frigid night air.

“Too lovely to stay covered.” he says, causing your heart to flutter too.

Mando continues to drill into you, the pleasure mounting again. You turn your head to face the mouth of the alley. Pedestrians continue to pass by, unaware of the carnal acts taking place mere feet away. Anyone of them might see, if they only turned their heads.

You look away and stare up into the black night sky. Millions of soft white crystalized flakes flutter down from above. You can see every breath you expel in the icy cold air. Mando grips your neck, giving it a gentle squeeze on the sides. Your response is to open your mouth and lash out your tongue to catch a few wayward flakes.

He finally slows his pace, just long enough for him to remove his hands from your neck and waist and tilts his helmet up just a degree. You sense the movement and continue to stare at the falling snow above- careful not to look at him. You feel dozens of frozen flakes land on your chest, causing your nipples to get impossibly hard- until a hot mouth streaks across your skin, seeking to melt each and every one of them.

You continue to stare into the sky above, though your hands seek and find the exposed skin of Mando’s neck and rough chin- enough contact for you to encourage his barrage of hot snow melting kisses. When his sultry tongue latches on to a nipple and sucks, your eyes roll back into your head. That familiar spiral is mounting and you’re so close to cumming again. This time you’ll give him what he needs.

Your breaths come fast now, a repetition of misty smoking air releases with each pant. You start to arch your back. “So close.” you say, your voice going horse from the air freezing your lungs. Mando’s been quieter than usual, likely trying very hard not to draw unwanted attention from the street just beyond. He quickens his pace in time with your short breaths.

“Right behind you baby...just say my name and I’ll give you what you need.”

You’re lost, completely lost for this man.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, Din.” The admission is startling to you, but it’s all it takes to send you both hurtling over the edge in a simultaneous release.

You squeeze your eyes closed as the most powerful orgasm you’ve ever had quakes through your core. “Din, you're making me cummm!” Your scream is cut off by Din’s mouth covering yours. You give it to him and he swallows it down.

Your pussy pulses, walls clamping down hard around his cock, wringing every last drop of sizzling hot cum from him. Din collapses on top of your bare chest, panting. You stare up into the sky, completely and utterly lost somewhere in the blank space between stars.

A short time later, you exit the alley on shaky legs, redressed and bundled in Mando’s cloak. A sanitation droid passes by. Mando tosses a rolled trench coat at it, instructing it to “incinerate it, for all I care!”. He takes your hand in his now re-gloved one and leads you back to the Crest. The entire way back, guilt roots itself down deep in your gut. There’s more. So much more you haven't told him- The truth, about Vale, the promise you gave him when he whispered in your ear.

A dark silhouette stands in the shadows across from the alleyway. A strike of match, a lick of flame- the brief indication that the shadows were never really empty to begin with.

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter / All Chapters

A/N: Comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated.

The song that inspired this chapter:

Taglist: @mandosmistress, @eyeswidecovered, @michi-reads@cassiopeia, @thisshipwillsail316, @hillelsandwich, @spideysimpossiblegirl, @gallowsjoker, @javierpinme, @luxmundee, @literallydontlook, @icanbeyourjedi, @middlemichi

#Spotify #pornwithplot #Smutwithstory #slowburn #enemiestolovers #makingupabunchofshitaboutspace #the mandalorian #fanfic #mandalorian x reader insert #din djarin

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gusu-emilu · 4 years ago

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gusu-emilu fanfic masterpost

Nearly all of these are also on AO3. All of my writing is rated T or G unless indicated otherwise.

broken down into sections: 1) Current WIPs, 2) MDZS fics, 3) TSOMD fics, 4) TGCF fics, 4) short works, 5) backburner

can also be browsed in the tag #emilu fics

Current WIPs:

raven sun (Chengning post-canon WIP, 20k+, Mature)

Wen Ning becomes possessed by a vengeful spirit. Unfortunately, Jiang Cheng is the closest target.

Tumblr links: 1, 2, 3, 4 (chapter 5 coming soon)

Finished Works (MDZS):

seven nights to turn (Chengning post-canon, 29k, Mature)

Jiang Cheng counts the passage of time by nights, not days. He's spending the next seven in a cabin on the fringe of the Cloud Recesses.

On the first night, he hears humming.

Tumblr links: 1, 2, 3, 4, meta, art

sometimes I forget (Chengning post-canon, 18k)

Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng travel to Dafan Mountain to find the cure to Lan Wangji’s fever. Their animosity results in a very strained partnership, which only becomes more complicated when Jiang Cheng develops the fever too. But along the way, they address the scars that haunt them and find something new in each other.

Tumblr links: 1, 2, 3, stand-alone bonus, art

no more fairy tale (WN & MXY oneshot, 8.3k)

Mo Xuanyu breaks one of the only rules he must follow in demonic cultivation: Never wake the Ghost General. He finds a new friend in the process.

Tumblr link: here

Catch Me, I’ll Be Safe (Ningxian oneshot, 1.8k)

Wen Ning's consciousness is still newly restored. Wei Ying plays a game to help him adjust to the difficulties of being a fierce corpse.

Tumblr link: here

and you can use my skin to bury secrets in (Chengqing oneshot, 3.7k, Mature)

An encounter during the Sunshot Campaign. Jiang Cheng ties himself with Zidian. Wen Qing has some prideful (if conflicted) thoughts about the core transfer.

Tumblr link: here

afterimage (Xuexiao oneshot, 1.4k)

One time Xiao Xingchen healed Xue Yang, and one time he healed Chengmei.

Tumblr link: here

covet all the waning hours (Ningxian twoshot, 13k)

Wei Wuxian gives Wen Ning a heartbeat, but not in the way either of them expected.

Tumblr link: 1, 2

let go (Sangyu oneshot, 1.1k)

Huaisang and Mo Xuanyu have always been meant to part ways in the end.

Tumblr link: here

The Flowers That Grew From Our Ruins (various vignettes, ~1.3k each)

Four short scenes through the seasons, each with a pair of characters reflecting on life, hope, love, and family through the traditional Chinese symbolism of flowers.

Tumblr links: Songxiao, JC & JL, Wangxian, WN & LSZ

thermal scheming (Sangcheng oneshot, 2.6k)

When Jiang Cheng joined this camping trip, he didn’t realize it would mean sleeping in the same tent as Nie Huaisang. Now it’s nighttime, and Nie Huaisang won’t stop complaining that he’s cold. Apparently he expects Jiang Cheng to do something about it.

Tumblr link: here

orange segments (one-sided Chengsu oneshot, 1.4k)

Jiang Cheng and Qin Su share a few moments (and an orange) with Jin Ling and each other.

Tumblr link: here

let go (Sangyu oneshot, 1.1k)

He and Mo Xuanyu have always been meant to part ways in the end.

Tumblr link: here

follow your arrow (Chengning oneshot, 4.1k)

Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning accidentally go to the same spot in the Cloud Recesses to practice archery.

Tumblr links: 1, 2

To Sit Outside Your Door (Chengning oneshot, 3.3k)

The progress of Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning's relationship has been slow. Too slow, Jiang Cheng is afraid. It seems like Wen Ning is always the one initiating, and it eats at him.

Tumblr link: here

the pole of hell (JC-centric crack fic, 4.9k)

At Jinlintai’s frat party, Jiang Cheng plays matchmaker for a mortified Jin Zixuan and a pole-dancing Lan Xichen to save his sister from her awful taste in men. Meanwhile, the other party guests incite chaos that doesn’t make Jiang Cheng’s mission any easier.

Tumblr link: here

unraveling (Chengning oneshot, 1.5k, Mature)

Jiang Cheng rarely wants to get out of bed in the morning, but he's good at forcing himself to. Except for right now. Right now, he is wrapped around Wen Ning, and it’s impossible to muster the will to go anywhere.

Tumblr link: here

scattered (Chengning oneshot, 3.4k)

Jiang Cheng pays a late night visit to Wen Ning's apothecary and convinces him to take a break from work.

Tumblr link: here

Finished Works (TSOMD):

Hat Tricks (Suitang longshot, 17k, Mature)

Sui Zhou wants Tang Fan to get rid of Ma Lin's spying maids, so he takes their place.

Tumblr link: here

Finished Works (TGCF):

behind glass (Mulian Modern AU oneshot, 1.4k)

Mu Qing would always be able to recognize Xie Lian on the ice. He just can’t believe it would be here.

Tumblr link: here

Short Works:

Chengqing Sunshot Campaign AU

Writing Out Days: Wen Ning seeks comfort from his sister after an incident in the Burial Mounds. (sad wen siblings angst)

Meta: Burial Mounds lotus flower symbolism

Meng Yao & Nie Huaisang friendship drabble

“What if Sandu was a human and met San Lang?”

Pokémon AU: Jiang Cheng’s team

figure skating AU headcanons (skating programs named after the characters’ weapons)

Backburner:

Wen Qing held captive in Jinlintai

Chengning hair salon AU

Xuexiao from A-Qing’s POV

Jiang Yanli & female friendship during the Sunshot Campaign

#emilu fics #emilu creations

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realsebastianstan · 5 years ago

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don’t worry about slow replies or w/e this is meant to be fun when you can!! but capitalism is the worst. and yesss, my faves openly support lgbt+ fans they’re good boys. i almost missed the yoi news because of the destiel spam so i wasn’t even sure if it was a joke at first either. tumblr is on fire right now. it wasn’t that art but wow also HELLO SIR I AM LOOKING not very respectfully i am but a weak bi. i used to read a load but quarantine brain is broken so i cant focus on novels now.

i want to read tgcf but i keep flopping after like 5 pages but also san lang hot and i heard there’s wlw in it?? cloud recesses does look so pretty to live in but i’m such a nhs, i just want to sit in his nie sect and paint fans and look at pretty things all day. let other people swing swords and all, gossip is way more powerful. rogue cultivator tho your mind! this is the best answer to this question. and that’s not lame, the reason my s/o is the best is bc they know i like to have my own time

most of the time and we can just sit and chill in quiet for hours. it’s perfect. OK! mdzs question which char deserved better (so many choices…) and tell me about other fandoms you’re into/active if you have any more!

hi classified cultivator!!

LMAO THE DESTIEL SPAM. all those memes about the 2020 bingo card - destiel canon, yoi return, and now the marvel trailer for the sambucky show 💀💀 they’re going to queerbait us so bad i’m in love with the chaos that is going to happen 😍❤️

i took me a little bit to get into it too 😭 all the word building but it gets better ❤️ ahaha it’s just vibes - i was like wow i’m pretty sure this is all important information but yeah i’m still a little confused. i was given a character sheet google doc/drive thing that might be able to clarify some things!! i’ll link it at the end! and omg wlw!!! lmao they haven’t shown up in the 100 chapters i’ve read but that info has made me excited 👀 maybe i’ll continue reading it on my days off this week ahaha!

OKAY BUT TRUE THATS MY SECOND CHOICE - to be nhs and vibe all day 💀❤️ and be a gossiper and mastermind on the side 😼 i am a gemini after all HAHAHA.

omg which character deserved better 😭😭 oh no, my gut reaction of lan zhan of course 💔 i’m still thinking about that fic i read like 2 weeks ago where it was his life recovering and grieving after the 30 lashes ahhh all the pain he went through and waiting 13 years for wwx to come back!!! that really really breaks my heart. and then all the things before like his fucked up childhood, mum dying, dad dying, cloud recesses burning, getting his leg broken, pinning after someone, and having the love of your life DIE!!!! wtf 😭😭😭😭😭😭 it hurts me so much.

oooo other fandoms - so i never really contribute to any of the fandoms i’ve been in. i just sit back and observe ❤️ and i’m normally into one fandom at a time. for some weird reason hannibal doesn’t count 💀 i will always be laughing at that show HAHAH.

but before mdzs tbh i was honestly just waiting for another fandom to take me 😭 so i watched avatar the last air bender and the legend of korra in june/july this year and ahhh it was so good!! and i read heaps of fic and my other blog basically became an avatar blog ahaha. then before that the september-december period of 2019 was my it chapter 2 era bc i saw the movie at the cinema and the whole reddie thing - having the love of your life die before telling them that you love them 💔 (whoops spoilers lol). and before that i honestly can’t remeber??? i think my fandom blog was more of a multi fandom blog with posts from everywhere - rather than just super focused on one thing like it is now HAHA. no regrets ❤️

i think this will be more on an indicator - my top fandoms in my AO3 bookmarks are:

mdzs captain america 💀 lol this is why i’ve relapsed with the sambucky show les miserables avatar game of thrones hannibal inception yuri on ice

hahaha that’s so funny - that basically sums up the last 5 years of my life 💀

what about you - who do you think deserved better? and what other fandoms are you into/active in?

oops my phone is about to die 😳 so i’m gonna post this asap HAHAH

thank you for the questions haha ❤️

(heres the link to the google drive folder https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1oXnp5Y2OD70i78utu4BcQ3xgAlygypd0?usp=sharing)

(and this is the link to the specific document that is a character places and terms primer https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ZoYuvSPNaYpGFFnR6gnGjUKFS8EW1-T3IFkk6D4wR4/edit?usp=sharing)

#mdzsnetcc

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dentalimplantindia123 · 5 years ago

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Dr. Rajat Sachdeva is the best dentist in Delhi – Frequently asked questions by Patients

How often should I get my dental check up done?

According to Dr Rajat Sachdeva the best dentist in Delhi, getting a preventive dental health check up is very essential. As we all know that prevention is better than cure in medicine, the same is applied for dentistry. A check up once in every 6 months is important. During this checkup any new developing cavity can be detected at early stages which can be prevented from going deep and causing you more pain in future. These visits can also be followed by professional cleaning of teeth.

How should we brush our teeth?

The most common technique that can be used with almost everyone is the modified bass technique. At Sachdeva’s dental clinic it is a regular practice that every patient is shown this brushing technique. The pictures below gives you a overview how we can brush our teeth. Please remember to brush twice daily , morning before breakfast and at night before going to sleep.

Do children also brush their teeth with the normal tooth paste?

Children can brush their teeth from the toothpaste being used by there parents. It is very important to note that the amount of tooth paste to be used for a child has to be rice size and pea size for kids. The picture given below explains it in detail.

How often should I get my dental cleaning done?

Dental cleaning is a process that is done by a professional, during which the tartar/calculus that is attached to the tooth is removed. This tartar can not be removed by normal brushing done at home. Professional cleaning shall be done once in 9-12 months, this can be reduced depending upon the tendency to form calculus. Some specialists may also recommend to get professional cleaning done once in 4-6 months.

For our patients at Dr Rajat Sachdeva’s dental clinic patients are advised professional cleaning in a customized fashion depending on detail clinical check up of your oral cavity.

What is tooth sensitivity and how can I correct it?

The most common symptom seen by majority of the patients is that they experience sensitivity to fluids after professional cleaning. It is a normal post operative symptom. According to Dr Rajat Sachdeva, this sensitivity should go away in one or two days. However if it doesn’t you should immediately take an appointment at ________________________ or call at __________________________.

Tooth sensitivity can happen due to the following reasons

ABRASION OR TOOTH WEAR DOWN : IT IS THE WEAR AND TEAR OF THE TOOTH WHERE THE TOPMOST LAYER OF THE TOOTH CALLED ENAMEL GETS REMOVED DUE TO HARD BRUSHING OR FORCEFUL BRUSHING OF TEETH.

RECESSION OF GUMS: IRREGULAR OR INCORRECT BRUSHING TECHNIQUE CAN CAUSE MOVEMENT OF THE GUMS AWAY FROM THE TEETH, THUS EXPOSING THE SENSITIVE PORTION OF THE TOOTH CAUSING SENSITIVITY

GUM DISEASE: DISEASES LIKE PERIODONTITIS AND GINGIVITIS WHICH CAUSES INFLAMMATION/SWELLING OF THE GUMS AND

CRACKED TOOTH

CLENCHING OF TEETH OR BRUXISM

TOOTH WHITENING OR BLEACHING PRODUCTS USED

PLAQUE OR TARTAR BUILDUP

CAVITIES / CARIES

When do I use a mouthwash?

Mouthwash is an anticariogenic/anticavity liquid which is used only when needed or prescribed by a dentist. It is recommended by Dr Rajat Sachdeva that mouthwashes should only be used when advised by the dentist such as post extraction, surgery etc. It should also be used by following the proper instructions given. There are different types of mouthwashes present in the market. Here at Dr Sachdeva’s Clinic we prescribe customized mouthwashes for each patient.

How are dental x-rays taken are they harmful?

Dental x-rays are now a days taken by placing a square block behind the tooth that needs to be examined, after which x-rays are shot from a portable device or a wall mounted device seen in a clinic. The x-rays can either be developed in a dark room or may directly project onto the computer screen.

It is a known fact that dental xrays are very safe and exposure is very minimal as compared to the xray of chest. However there are things that you should keep in mind to ensure you are being exposed to minimum radiation:

IS THE LATEST AND MOST ADVANCED XRAY MACHINERY BEING USED? (CAN BE SEEN THROUGH BUILT AND PORTABILITY)

ARE THE MACHINES WELL KEPT, SERVICED AND UNDER AERB SUPERVISION

DURING FULL MOUTH XAYS, ARE YOU BEING MADE TO WEAR PROTECTIVE LED JACKET.

What is RCT and what is a crown?

RCT or root canal treatment is the process of cleaning of the tooth by removing or extirpating the pulp of the tooth under local anesthesia. RCT is needed when the cavity in the tooth has reached the pulp when left untreated. You may or maynot have pain in this tooth before RCT, it is advised that we should not confuse that pain is the absolute indication of doing this treatment. Post pulp extirpation the canals in the tooth are filled with an insulating material and sealed completely. Right on top of the seal a filling is placed. To maintain the strength of the tooth, the RC treated tooth is capped with a crown.

Crown is a three dimensional covering that completely encircles the tooth. It is customized and fabricated specially for each patient.

Is filling and RCT the same?

Filling of a tooth is a procedure in which a cavity in a tooth which is not causing intense/ sharp pain is filled with a biocompatible material. Filling of a tooth is placed only in the first two layers of the tooth i.e enamel and dentin.

When this cavity reaches the third layer of the tooth i.e the pulp, it may or may not cause pain in the tooth. It is at this stage that a simple filling may not work and your dentist will be doing an advanced procedure called root canal treatment.

How do cavities occur?

Cavities is a dental disease in which the layers of tooth get decayed by the microbes or germs present in the mouth. Cavities are started when the food that we consume gets stuck on the surfaces of the teeth, the same when not cleaned by an individual becomes a source of nutrition for the microbes. The microbes when feed on this food, produces acid as a by product, this acid causes decay or degradation of the layers of the teeth. Most commonly the first layer to be involved is enamel.

Enamel cavities usually don’t give any symptom but causes discoloration on the tooth surface. However, when cavity reaches the second layer of the tooth called dentin, it then causes sensitivity to cold substances. As the cavity goes deeper and deeper the amount of sensitivity increases.

What type of foods I shall avoid to prevent cavities?

Cavities can be reduced to a greater extent by avoiding sticky and sugary food substances. According to Dr. Sachdeva, he advises his patients that patients should avoid intake of sticky food and avoid taking frequent in between meals such as snacks. It is also essential to have healthy high fiber food in your diet, it helps in natural cleaning of the teeth and in digestion. It is also important to note that caries can take place due to any kind of food that gets stuck or left behind on the tooth surface for a period of time. It is a myth that cavities/caries only happen when people consume sugary substances.

Are dental implants safe?

Dental implant is a biodegradable titanium screw shaped prosthesis that is placed inside the jaw, it mimics the root form of natural tooth. As per Dr Rajat Sachdeva, the best implantologist in Delhi , dental implants are completely safe and are best and permanent option available in dentistry for replacing missing teeth.

The most common problem that can occur with implants is due to poor planning of the treatment or placement of implants. Here at Dr Rajat Sachdeva’s dental clinic, Dr Rajat Sachdeva who is the best implantologist in Delhi, himself plans for each case meticulously. After lot of deliberation only the implants are placed using the latest and state of the art technology in the clinic.

At what age do I take my baby for a dental check up?

Ideally the first preventive check up should be done when the first fewteeth are erupting in your child’s mouth. This would ideally happen around the age of 6-10 months. If there are no teeth that are seen in your child uptil this age, then it is a concern which you shall address in the mouth. At Sachdeva’s dental clinic we take your child’s first visit to his/her dentist very seriously. This visit includes a thorough check up of the oral cavity, followed by proper documentation of the dental records, which are very helpful as your child grows.

Tags: best dentist in Delhi, best implantologist in Delhi, Best Dental Clinic in Delhi, Dental Clinic in Delhi

#best dentist in Delhi #Dental Clinic in Delhi #Best Dental Clinic in Delhi

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michaeldempsey · 5 years ago

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We Are Inevitable(?) (Market Views 4/7/2020)

Healthcare Risk & Economic Risk

Disclaimer: This is more for scalable sending notes and personal accountability. Not a professional public market investor, not investment advice, likely all bad advice from someone spending not nearly enough time researching public market dynamics. Also not really editing these pre-posting.

Markets are sharply higher over the past two days as data shows possible peaks in major cities (like NYC) and countries (Italy/Spain) around the world. Markets are seemingly holding onto any good news while growing tired of the barrage of bad news for the past month (or months depending on where in the world you are). It's my view that this stock market reaction is very much an emotional reaction to one component of this recession and not rooted in material data relative to the actual long-term effects of COVID-19 on the economy. There are two way to look at this.

The bull case is that markets bottom out near the peaks for given countries and/or focal points of the coronavirus. We saw a fast and unexpected (to some) rise in COVID-19 spread globally, and this scared the world into a risk-off view, unwinding all sorts of debt and equity positions, because it was a perfect storm of both healthcare and economic shock, leading to demand shock. As I wrote yesterday, we now believe we have more clarifying information, which is understanding the magnitude of spread on the healthcare side of this equation, and the view that estimates could come in on the low-end of the range of projections for death tolls should push markets up. We're also seeing some encouraging (though not conclusive) data on things like various treatments, impact of social distancing over short periods of time, and even seasonality.

Economically we are seeing strong willingness from participants to move back into the market (previously I called this the BTFD recession), a change in retail investing to continue to systematically allocate capital to public markets (leading to minimal data of movement in vanguard accounts), as well as consumer confidence at very high levels. In addition, I am not of the belief that humans change materially, and don't think we will be living in some drastically different world where people want to all work from home, do zoom happy hours, and not travel anymore. That said, my mind is fucking blown that cruises are still in demand.

Pair this with unparalleled pace and scale of fiscal policy and stimulus from governments (with much more to come) and we can start to see how there is a narrative about how, as a human race, we have figured out how to pair sophisticated financial structures with societal collaboration in order to defeat black swan events.

But...

There are a ton of shocks and unknowns relative to COVID-19. Despite all of these positive signs, I still can't quite shake the continual view of bear markets seeing fast rises before steeper falls. We haven't seen the next order effects yet, and we haven’t seen the second sell-off either.

If we look at 1929, we can see that this didn't happen, and perhaps this is where we are headed. Markets process information faster than ever before and the rarity of this event could have perhaps led to a steep sell-off that pushed straight to rock bottom, and then back up.

The rational argument is that it feels unlikely that we priced in the downside scenario bound of economic outcomes (humans likely did price in the healthcare downside bounds, due to fear and plenty of pop culture that enables us to see pandemic destruction).

With fiscal policy, it's not clear that we actually have a good infrastructure in place to properly deploy trillions of dollars to Main Street in a short enough period of time that we save these businesses and don't create serious, lasting economic impact.

With the pros of social distancing, it's not clear that we won't see some short to mid-term changed behavior and restrictions surrounding dining, entertainment, and hospitality broadly. And we don't actually know if these types of businesses have economic structures in place that can weather those restrictions on behavior. We also don't know how resurgence will impact the market (my view is if we have to social distance again, we will see a very steep sell off and even larger levels of layoffs that may be permanent).

With forgivable loans, will we not see companies meaningfully change the economics of their business post-covid, perhaps less growth, more cash, fewer workers, less infrastructure, all paired with a lack of buybacks to push up stock prices? (to this point, this could be a further widening of the mega-cap technology companies increasing in value, and the mid-cap and small-cap non-tech companies falling. This is one of the reasons I have kept or adde to a variety of tech longs throughout this downturn)

As I wrote yesterday, I do think that we are going to be continually in search of yield, with low interest rates, and thus markets will recover sharply and tightly with earnings recoveries, however I think we still have imperfect information on the scale of the downside to truly understand the economic impact for the next 18 months. Earnings figures over the next month for individual companies might show small signs of this and could drastically correct the market one way or the other, though I'd imagine next quarters earnings to be far more indicative of how the following 18 months looks from a supply and demand sense.

And alas, this chart is probably one that I find most interesting and relates heaviest to the BTFD recession.

Despite all of my doom and gloom, I am still long term bullish on technology and bio as meaningful contributors to how we evolve with our new futures and believe that many of the behaviors will persist in middle to upper middle class America. A point to think about related to this is that perhaps this is another driving factor which creates an even wider (and faster) economic class gap in our country and other developed nations.

Back to the economy, as with the prior hundreds of years, humans continue to find solutions that outpace the problems that we create, or are thrown out us as we hurl through space on this large blue marble. Maybe we are inevitable, but I don't think it will look that way for the next few months.

Art: Nan Lawson

#public markets #investing #economics #COVID-19 #marketviews

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godsheadangel · 6 years ago

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youtube

📖📖📖📖📖 JOHN 1: 32-33 KJV📖📖📖📖📖

AND JOHN BARE RECORD, SAYING, I SAW THE SPIRIT💫DESCENDING FROM HEAVEN LIKE A DOVE, AND IT ABODE ABOVE HIM.

AND I KNEW HIM NOT: BUT HE THAT SENT ME TO BAPTIZE WITH WATER🌊THE SAME SAID UNTO ME, UPON WHOM THOU SHALT SEE THE SPIRIT💫DESCENDING, AND REMAINING ON HIM, THE SAME IS HE WHICH BAPTISETH WITH THE HOLY💫SPIRIT

#1 THE BAPTISM OF CHRIST✝

PAINTED IN 1710 AERT DE GELDER✝

📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖

#2. THE MIRACLE OF THE SNOW

MASOLINO DA PANICALE IN 1400

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

#3. PAINTED IN THE 15TH CENTURY

THE MADONNA WITH SAINT GIOVANNINO

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

#4. THE CRUCIFIXION PAINTED IN YEAR 1350

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

📖📖📖📖📖 LUKE 1:34-36 KJV 📖📖📖📖📖

THEN SAID MARY UNTO THE ANGEL, HOW SHALL THIS BE, SEEING I KNOW NOT A MAN?

AND THE ANGEL ANSWERED AND SAID UNTO HER, THE HOLY💫GHOST💫SHALL COME UPON THEE, AND THE POWER OF THE HIGHEST SHALL OVERSHADOW THEE; THEREFORE ALSO THAT HOLY💫THING WHICH SHALL BE BORN OF THEE SHALL BE CALLED THE SON✝ OF GOD✝

#5. THE ANNUNCIATION

PAINTED BY CARLO CRIVELLI IN YEAR 1486

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

📖📖📖📖📖[DANIEL 7:9 KJV]📖📖📖📖📖

I BEHELD TO THE THRONES WERE CAST DOWN, AND THE ANCIENT OF DAYS🌅DID SIT WHOSE GARMENT WAS WHITE AS SNOW AND THE HAIR OF HIS HEAD LIKE THE PURE [WOOL:] HIS THRONE LIKE THE FIERY🔥 FLAME, AND HIS WHEELS AS BURNING FIRE.

#6. GLORIFICATION OF THE EUCHARIST

👁GOD💫HIMSELF IS PICTURED ON THE RIGHT SIDE [HIS IMAGE INCORRECT] BUT NONE THE LESS THIS HAPPENED AS IT WAS [FORETOLD TO PROPHETS] IT IS SO ENOCH✝ WHO GRACED 👁GOD💫ON THE LEFT SIDE WITH [HIS✝ BLESSED✝ PRESENCE] FOR OUR 👁GOD💫[DID SO DELIGHT IN HIM✝ SO!!!]

LET TRUTH REALITY BE FOREVER KNOWN!!!

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

#7. THE MAGNIFICAT

PAINTED IN THE 15TH CENTURY

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

#8. THE CRUCIFIXION OF CHRIST✝

PAINTED IN THE 17TH CENTURY

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

#9. BACCHUS AND ARIADNE

BY LUCA GIORDANO 16TH CENTURY

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

#10. ANNALES LAURISSEN 12TH CENTURY

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖

GODSAYS💫IT IS REAL DEMONS👹IN FLESH WHO IN [ANCIENT TIMES CENTURIES AGO] WHO DID SO GO AGAINST ME, THY 👁GOD💫

🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀

AND IT IS SO REAL DEMONS👹IN [FLESH] WHO NOW GO AGAINST ME, THY 👁GOD💫

🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀

MANY [EVANGELICALS IN THE DEEP SOUTH] OF AMERICA🇺🇸CLAIMING TO THEIR MANY EAGER CHURCH MEMBERS THAT THERE IS [NO CONNECTION BETWEEN HOLY💫SPIRIT] AND WHAT [MANKIND CALLS UFO'S] WHICH IS, AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY ANGELS👽WHOM COME IN MANY FORMS, I SPEAK IT!!!

👉LOOK UPON THESE ANCIENT PAINTINGS🙏LET YOUR OWN 💫SPIRIT💫GUIDE YOU🙏👉GET THEE, AND THY FAMILIES FAR AWAY🙏FROM THESE FALSE ONES MISLEADING👉WITH FALSEHOODS FOR SURELY THIS IS 🙏YOUR WARNING MY CREATED CHILDREN

🌄THE SIGNS HAVE BEEN LEFT FOR YOU🌄▶WHERE IS YOUR BELIEF IN ME? THY GOD

📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖

SURELY, [TRUTH REALITY] OF SIGHTINGS OF MY ANGELS😇HAVE BEEN WITNESSED FOR MANY CENTURIES YET THEY ARE HIDDEN IN 👉MUSEUMS AND CHURCHES⛪AND ART👈 👉COLLECTORS HOMES MANY STOLEN👈 [SO PASSED AROUND AND LIED UPON!!!]

IT SICKENS ME, I AM HE, THY LIVING GOD💫TO WATCH [MY CREATED CHILDREN] TRULY MISLEAD BY THESE FALSEHOODS TOLD BY THESE SPIRITLESS, WHO CLAIM TO BE SO CONNECTED TO ME, [THIS IS A GREAT LIE]

THEY PROPHECY TO YOU FROM THEIR EVIL PULPITS DENYING YOU [TRUTH REALITY!!!]

[PREACHING AND LECTURING] THAT THE ONE KNOWN IN HOLY💫HEAVEN ABOVE💫

AND HELL🔥ITSELF AS DEMONTRUMP👹IS NOT WHO MY ANGEL BROTHER AND MANY ANGEL MESSENGERS OF MY HOLY💫WORD HAVE SPOKEN HIM👹 TRUTH TO BE,

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♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

[REAL PROOF] OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY CHANGE WAS GIVEN IN THE YEAR OF 2000

WHEN THE EVIL👹 LEADERSHIP TURNED TO SATAN👹HIMSELF AS THEY TURNED THE SPIRIT💫LIFE✝ 5🌟STAR PENDGRAM UPSIDE DOWN TO REPRESENT THE EVIL👹GOP!!!

👉👉DEMONS👹INVERTED THE STARS👈👈

AND MOST OF YOU MY CHILDREN KNOW THIS, YET YOU STILL STAY IN THE GOP?

👉DEEP INSIDE YOUR SOULS LAST CRY FOR SURVIVAL YOU KNOW IT HAS NOT BEEN THE SAME SINCE 1999!!! WHY? THINK!!!

WHY WOULD THE EVIL👹GOP👹SENATORS BLOCK ANY WITNESSES FROM TESTIFYING? ♦♦♦ [REPUBLICAN WITNESSES] ♦♦♦ ♦♦▶WILLING TO TELL THE TRUTH◀♦♦

YOU KNOW THE TRUTH!!! ITS IN YOUR SPIRIT 👉DO SO LEAVE THAT POLITICAL👹PARTY AND DO AS YOU DESIRE [START ONE] IF YOU WISH, AS LONG AS IT INVOLVES ME, GOD💫

FOR THE GOP USE TOO BUT IT HASN'T DONE SO FOR 20+YEARS SATAN👹HAS THE YOUR CALLED LEADERS AND THEY DO HIS WORK!!

I AM HE, THY LIVING SPIRITUAL💫GOD💫DO SPEAK IT TRUTH REALITY TO MY CHILDREN!

🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀

I AM HE✝ THY GOD💫CONTROL ALL THAT IS!

👉DO NOT HATE THE TRUTH NOR THOSE👈 👉MESSENGERS I HAVE SENT BACK TOO👈👉AWAKEN🌄YOU SPIRITUALLY💫WAKE UP!

👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽

👁 GODSHEADANGEL.POSTHAVEN.COM 👁

👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽😇👽FEBRUARY 2ND SUNDAY 2020🇺🇸 0526HRS 📖📖📖📖📖 PSALMS 91:11 KJV 📖📖📖📖📖

"FOR HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER THEE, TO KEEP THEE IN ALL THY WAYS."

FOR SURELY, STANDING THERE EVEN THEN EAST OF [THE GARDEN OF EDEN] AT THE VERY [EDGE OF IT] WHERE THE FLAMING🔥SWORD WAS ROTATING BACK AND FOURTH PROTECTING THE TREE🌳OF LIFE✝ FROM ADAM RETURNING TO SPEAK WITH GOD💫ABOUT HIS SIN, WAS SO OUR BROTHER THE HEAD ANGEL KING👑 OF MERCY💫

WHO SPOKE WITH HIM✝ AND CALMED HIS✝ MIGHTY ANGER, FOR GOD✝ DID SO REGRET CREATING MANKIND✝ FOR IT GRIEVED HIM✝ IN HIS✝ HEART❤OUR GOD✝ LISTENED✝ AND AND FORGAVE ADAM😇 AND EVE😇THEN [SO PASSED HARD JUDGEMENT ON THEM] ADAM✝ TO LABOR HARD THE GROUND AND EVE✝ TO LABOR HARD GIVING BIRTH👣

YET, IF IT WERE NOT FOR THE HEAVENLY💫WISDOM THE HEAD ANGEL KING OF MERCY CHOSE TO SPEAK TO OUR GOD💫SURELY MANKIND✝ WOULD HAVE ENDED!!!

SO, IF ANY LIVING IN OUR GODS💫CREATED WORLD🌎THINKS THAT I AM IN CHARGE ALONE OF THIS PLANET CALLED EARTH🌍

DO THINK AGAIN AND AGAIN!!! AND READ PSALMS 91:11 KJV AND SEE WHERE IT SAYS FOR HE✝ SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER THEE, [NOT ANGEL] CHARGE OVER THEE!!!

👉CHARGE TO [HELP] GUIDE MANKIND AND DELIVER ALL OF OUR 👁GODS💫MESSAGES FOR ONLY 👁GOD💫IS IN TOTAL CONTROL!!!

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

👉DON'T FORGET TO REFRESH THIS POST

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷👁GOD💫HAS CHOSEN HIS ANGEL TO LEAD🇺🇸🇺🇸2020🇺🇸JOE C😎😎L BIDEN🇺🇸2020🇺🇸🇺🇸🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦TUESDAY FEBRUARY 4TH 2020🇺🇸 0540HRS ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉📉U.S.🇺🇸 INDICATORS SHOW BIG SLOWDOWN 👉👉 WEAKNESS BUT NO RECESSION 👈👈JUST LIKE IN 2008 BEFORE THE BIG CRASH!♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

FALSE JOBS NUMBERS✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔ LIES 👉[BUREAU OF LABOR STATISTICS]👈

[501,000 FEWER JOBS CREATED IN U.S.🇺🇸] THAN REPORTED BY EVIL ADMINISTRATION SEE MARKETWATCH ARTICLE 8/24/2019!!!

♦ NOT 5,000, NOT 50,000 BUT 500,000 ♦ JOBS REPORTED FALSELY TO AMERICANS!!!

DEMONTRUMPS👹TAX CUTS CREATED NO JOBS!!! IT SAVED THE WEALTHY MONEY 💰◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

FALSE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE✔

FALSE MANUFACTURING JOBS NUMBERS✔

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

HISTORIC HOMELESS CRISIS IN U.S.🇺🇸✔

🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦***♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

FARM🚜BANKRUPTCIES AT ALL TIME HIGH⬆ AGRICULTURE🚜 SURPLUS SMALLEST IN THE LAST 🚩40 YEARS!!!🚩

👉WISCONSIN🇺🇸LOSING 2 FARMS A DAY👈✔NOW FACING SERIOUS DAIRY🐄CRISIS✔

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

GLOBAL OIL🛢MARKET WORSEN'S AS OPEC TAKES 🚩EMERGENCY ACTION🚩TO DEAL WITH 💥[CORONAVIRUS]💥

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

BRITAIN🇬🇧PRODUCTIVITY DECLINE IS THE WORSE IN 250 YEARS. -BLOOMBERG NEWS

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

WALL STREET BROKERS BRACING FOR WILD 👉VOLATILITY ADVISING MOST INVESTORS 👉TO BUY ON THE DIP👈 🚩RED FLAGS🚩

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

🚩🚩YIELD-CURVE INVERSION REDUX🚩🚩SPREAD BETWEEN A 3 MONTH AND 10 YEAR 📉TREASURIES GETTING WORSE DAILY📉

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

MANUFACTURING JOBS FELL IN THE U.S.🇺🇸👉[RUST-BELT SWING STATES🇺🇸IN 2019]👈INDIANA, MICHIGAN, PENNSYLVANIA, OHIO ◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

CHINA🇨🇳WISELY INJECTS 380 BILLION YUAN VIA 7DAY REVERSE REPOS THEN ANOTHER 120 BILLION YUAN IN 14DAYS A TOTAL OF 500BILLION YUAN OR $71 BILLION U.S.🇺🇸 WHY? [TO SAVE THE GLOBAL🌎MARKET📉]

👉BECAUSE OF THE GLOBAL SLOWDOWN👈GOD💫PROPHECY OF GLOBAL RECESSION!!!

🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳BLESSINGS4 GODS💫SPECIAL💫ANGEL💫PRESIDENT🇨🇳 XI JINPING😇

🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳

GODS💫CREATED CHILDREN IN HIS WORLD 👉HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU DID TO HELP👈 👉👉[SAVE THE WORLD'S🌎ECONOMY]👈👈

☝THAT'S WHY THE STOCK MARKET IS UP☝

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹

UNFORTUNATELY, DEMONTRUMP👹WILL WAG HIS LYING TONGUE AND TAKE CREDIT FOR IT!!! ♦STUPID PEOPLE WAKE UP🌅♦

👉👉A GLOBAL RECESSION IS CLOSE👈👈

👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹

YET, SATAN'S DEMONTRUMP👹WILL KEEP MANY FOOLS ASLEEP WITH OBVIOUS LIES!!!

BUT THE OBEDIENT ONE'S OF OUR👁GOD💫ARE AWAKENED🌄SPIRITUALLY💫AND WILL [NOT BE FOOLED]FOR THEY ARE BLESSED✝🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜💀💀💀🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛

GODSAYS💫10,000 DEMONS👹WILL PERISH THE CURRENT DEATH COUNT IS🤜💀50!!!

🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜💀💀💀🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄

👉👉👉 WWW.NINACUBANA.COM 👈👈👈

👉HTTP://NINACUBANA.COM/#DONATE👈

HELP MAKE A DREAM💫BECOME REALITY

🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄🌄👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

GODS💫HOLY💫SIGN✝ABOVE NAZARETH✝ REPRESENTING HIS✝COMING HOLY BIGSIGN [WITNESSED] BY MANY INCLUDING SINGER JOVANA TIPSIN [2/2/2020]

BLESSINGS4 JOVANA TIPSIN🔥SHE HAS SO RECEIVED A FLAMING FIRE🔥SYMBOL AND SHALL BE INVITED TO A FUTURE ANGEL😇QUEENS💜PARTY🎉

LOOK UPON THE SPIRITUAL FLAMING GLOW SEEN A TOP [THIS TUMBLR PAGE] RIGHT [ABOVE] THE ANGEL👑OF DEATH💀IMAGE!!!

👉IT SEEMS [NO MEDIA OUTLETS] WANT👈 THIS REAL PROOF SIGN FROM GOD POSTED

WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, IT SHALL BE!!!

👁GOD✝ HAS SENT HIS✝SIGN AND CHOSEN!🇺🇸🇺🇸2020🇺🇸JOE C😎😎L BIDEN🇺🇸2020🇺🇸🇺🇸

🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀

GODSAYS💫SURELY MY PROPHECY OVER [2] YEARS AGO POSTED THEN ON [GOOGLE+] [SHALL BE SO TRUTH] ON A COLD🌬AND CLOUDY☁JULY SUMMER DAY!!!

🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀

👉5 PROPHECIES GIVEN SHALL BE JUST AS THEE OTHER [6] THAT CAME TO BE REALITY

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[3,3 AND3 AFTER THE EARLY DAWN✔]

👁GODS💫PROPHECY✝ CAME TO REALITY JUST [3] DAYS AFTER ON JUNE 14TH AT A [GOP CHARITY] BASEBALL PRACTICE IN ALEXANDRIA, VA. WHEN A SHOOTER SHOT MULTIPLE ROUNDS STRIKING THEN [GOP] MAJORITY WHIP STEVE SCALISE👹[3RD] IN LINE FROM THE PRESIDENCY AND OTHERS FROM [3RD] BASE!!!

[JUNE 14TH 2017!!!]

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

[WHITESTARS WARNED TO OBEY✔]

👉THEY WERE TOLD TO GET READY!!!👈

2 DAYS AFTER 👁GODS💫PROPHECY✝ [59] CONCERTGOERS IN PARADISE, NEVADA WERE KILLED BY SHOOTER!!!

[OCTOBER 2017!!!]

#SPIRIT💫JUMP!!!

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

[TRAIN ACCIDENT✔]

5 WEEKS AFTER 👁GODS💫PROPHECY✝ A AMTRAK TRAIN🚆CARRYING REPUBLICANS TO A RETREAT CRASHES INTO TRUCK🚚 NEAR CORZET, VIRGINIA AND KILLS DRIVER!

[JANUARY 2018!!!]

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

[MEGA EARTHQUAKES IN MEXICO🇲🇽✔]

2 DAYS AFTER 👁GODS💫PROPHECY✝ A 7.2 MEGA EARTHQUAKE KILLS OVER [200+] PEOPLE!!! GOD💫GAVE ME INSTRUCTIONS TO HAVE HEAVENS💫SPIRITUAL ANGELS💫TO STIR THE GROUND AND KILL!!! THEY DID!!

[FEBRUARY 2018!!!]

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

[BIG VOLCANO ERUPTING🌋✔]

AFTER 250 YEARS JAPAN VOLCANO BLOWS! 2 MONTHS AFTER 👁GODS💫PROPHECY✝ IT DID SO SHOCK MANY PEOPLE!!!

[APRIL 2018!!!]

◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾◾

[DARKSTARS WARNED TO OBEY✔]

👉THEY WERE TOLD TO GET READY!!!👈

A WEEK AFTER GODS💫PROPHECY✝ [22] PEOPLE WERE SHOT AND INJURED AT A ART FESTIVAL IN TRENTON, NEW JERSEY!

[JUNE 2018!!!]

#SPIRIT💫JUMP!!!

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NONE OF MANKIND CAN STOP GODS PLANS

NONE OF MANKIND CAN STOP PROPHECIES

THE OBEDIENT ONES OF OUR MIGHTY GOD UNDERSTAND TIME IS RUNNING OUT⏳FOR ALL OF MANKIND FOR THESE ARE REALLY THE LAST OF END DAYS🌅

👁GOD💫IS MIGHTY IN HOLY💫POWER FOR HE✝ ALONE IS IN TOTAL CONTROL!!!

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

ONLY 👁GOD💫CAN CHANGE HEAVENLY💫COLORED✝ VISIONS AND PROPHECIES✝

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

ONLY OUR BABYANGELS😇BIRTHS👣CAN [SAVE MANKIND] 👁GOD💫SAID! FOR HE✝ SHALL GIVE MANKIND ⭐21⭐EXTRA YEARS OF ⭐EXISTENCE⭐AFTER THEIR BORN👣

IF, THEY ARE NOT BORN 💥WW3💥DEATH💀DESTRUCTION FOR ALL OF MANKIND!!!

👉👉GODSAYS💫IT CAN BE AVERTED👈👈

🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜💀💀💀🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛🤛IF, I LIVED IN THE CITY OF VAN NUYS SURELY I WOULD SPREAD [TRUTH REALITY WORDS] AROUND THAT CITY [TO WATCH] WHAT YOU SAY TO 👁GODS💫YOUNGER BROTHER AND NEPHEW CURTIS JR. OF THE HOLY💫SPIRIT FOR SURELY A PROPHECY✝ BECOMING SO QUICK REALITY FROM 👁GOD💫 HAS BEEN SAID TO BE FORMING INSIDE OF HIS✝ HOLY POWERFUL💫MIND✝

TRUST STARNEISHA👽 BAYSHARA😇HOVER!DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE LORD GOD💫

BEFORE THE NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL⛪ FIRE🔥IN FRANCE🇫🇷 WHAT MANKIND CALLS A UFO WAS SEEN 15 MINUTES BEFORE AND MANY VOLCANOES SMOKE AND ERUPT🌋 AFTER WHAT MANKIND CALLS A UFO WAS SEEN!!! DO YOUR RESEARCH AND OBEY!!!

🌅DO SO OBEY OUR MIGHTY LORD GOD✝🌅

~ENOCH😇FROM THE HOLY💫HEAVENS💫

👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👉GODSHEADANGEL1.POSTHAVEN.COM👈

BLESSINGS4 STEVEN BARONE💫WHO RECORDED THIS LAST NIGHT🌌

BLESSINGS4 UFO MAN💫WHO POSTED THIS TRUTH REALITY VIDEO 45 MINUTES AGO! 10:45AM PST 2/6/20

😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇

DO NOT MAKE ANY MISTAKE CHILDREN OF 👁GOD💫ALL OF US HIS ANGELS IN [FLESH] ARE NOT PERFECT IN ANY WAY! WE ALL DO MAKE MISTAKES AND HAVE OUR OPINIONS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO SOME WE KNOW OR HAVE KNOWN! [BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE]✔ WE DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY WHEN OUR OWN OPINIONS ARE VERY DIFFERENT FROM ONE ANOTHER'S! SOME OF MY ANGELQUEENS👑

ARE [PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISTS] WHO COME UNDER FIRE FOR SOMETHING ASKED OR SOMETHING SAID WRONGLY OR TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT THIS IS THE NATURE OF THE BUSINESS 👁GOD💫TRULY KNOWS ALL OF OUR HEARTS, MINDS AND SPIRITS AND ALLOWS US TO BE OURSELVES INCLUDING MYSELF WHO MANY WORLDWIDE REFER TO AS [THE FOUL MOUTHED ANGEL,] ITS TRUE!!

MANY WORLDWIDE🌎CAN'T BELIEVE GOD✝ WOULD HAVE 👉[ONE OF HIS TOP TWO]👈 ANGELS😇 IN [CHARGE OF HIS CREATED] CHILDREN USE SUCH VULGAR LANGUAGE BUT YOU WOULD BE INCREDIBLY WRONG!!!

OUR MIGHTY 👁GODS💫[IDEA] OF WHICH [ANGELS GET CHOSEN FOR SPECIFIC JOBS] OR JOURNEYS ARE [TOTALLY DIFFERENT] FROM YOURS, [HIS REASONS ARE HIS OWN]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

REMEMBER THIS, ALL OF YOU WORLDWIDE NOAH✝ WAS A DRUNK, MOSES✝ STUTTERED ABRAHAM✝WAS TOO OLD, ISAIAH✝HIMSELF PREACHED NAKED, JONAH✝ DID RUN FROM GOD✝💫PETER✝ DENIED JESUS✝CHRIST✝ SAMSON✝ WAS A WOMANIZER WHO HAD LONG HAIR, RAHAB✝ WAS A PROSTITUTE AND KING DAVID✝ HAD AN AFFAIR!!!

☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

👁GOD💫[DOES NOT] CHOOSE ACCORDING TO WHAT ANY OF YOU IN MANKIND THINKS SHOULD BE!!! I AM HE, THY LIVING GOD💫CHOOSES [FOR HIS REASONS ALONE] ONLY HE, HIMSELF DOES SO KNOW AND MAKE NO MISTAKE [WE HIS ANGEL FAMILY] ARE NOT PERFECT NOR WERE ANY OF OUR CHOSEN 🙏ANGEL ANCESTORS IN [FLESH!!!]🙏

SO, WHEN YOU [HEAR OR SEE US] EXPRESS OUR [PERSONAL OPINIONS] ON A SUBJECT OR ON EACHOTHER MAKE NO MISTAKE ITS [A OPINION AT THAT TIME!]

TRUST, IT IS NOT EVER PERSONAL SURELY WE HIS [ANGEL FAMILY] KNOW HOW FAR TO GO, [THERE IS A LINE] HE DOES NOT ALLOW EVEN US TO CROSS!!! WE STAND UNITED IN STANDING UP☝FOR HIM✝

😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇

0 notes

thedeanrogers · 6 years ago

Text

Well Let Me Tell You That There's Nothing Wrong, It's Just That Ones Like Us Will Never Belong

Boundaries have always been something I have had problems with enforcing. Either because I’m incredibly naïve or gullible, at times. I have allowed people to manipulate me. I have allowed people to subvert my resolve. I have allowed people to overpower their way into dictating to me how I should act, or how I should think.

For many years, I thought it had more to do with believing in the good in people. And looking for that. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that people are inherently selfish egoists. Only interested in using to their own, be it people, things, whatever. Once that purpose has been fulfilled, that object or person gets discarded. Having ultimately served whatever purpose they were pulled for. Knowing that now, I fight this daily. I fight with myself to retain control of my life. To retain control of my actions. To retain control of my emotions. What’s even worse is that it is amplified, as it pertains to my children.

When I was in my teens and 20s, I floated between groups. I was constantly in motion. There was a very large part of my psyche and ego that feared what would happen if people were able to see how damaged I was. I wasn’t sure what would happen, were my peers to see me as who I was, and not who I portrayed myself as being. It was here that I, sort of, perfected the ability to roleplay. I could give different groups and different people specific facets of myself. I could keep them held at a distance, and I could control how much of who I was they got to see. It became a survival mechanism. Something that became so deeply ingrained in who I am, that it is something that I have adapted as part of my sense of self. I tend to joke about how I am a man of many hats, but there’s a deep truth under the statement. Each role has a hat assigned. Dad. Employee. Friend. Lover. Asshole. Writer. And so on. As I’ve gotten older and learned more about myself and learned about how I process the world around me, I’ve learned how to transition between those hats more fluidly. I’ve integrated them into who I am, and I’ve learned to accept that those hats correspond to the needs of the world, as it exists outside of my body and my mind.

Unfortunately, this is also a cause for tension. There are people in my life who feel that this sort of, situationally appropriate, role-transitioning is indicative of my being psychotic. Or that I’m sociopathic. Because I don’t conform to their attempts to compartmentalize me. I don’t stay static. I am constantly evolving and growing and learning. I am constantly implementing concepts learned from the lessons. Constantly looking for ways to improve. Constantly looking for a better way. And because I do not feel it imperative to remain in stasis. Maybe this has to do with my constant chasing of enlightenment. My pursuit of transcendence. My struggle to move into something greater than myself. I have come to think that the fact that I am looking for something greater than myself, and choosing not to rest on my laurels, has created a resentment.

How does that relate to boundaries? The hostility toward me plays out in scattershot attacks, usually the same tired, cliched points of attack. The same rhetoric used against me that doesn’t reflect whom I currently am. And does not reflect whom I intend to be in the future. And when I choose to reinforce the boundary, it creates further hostility. It creates further tension. And it plays out in a violent mishmash of flying words, vitriol, and psychosis. The realisation that my life is not a mirror, was important. I do not reflect anything. I am not the individual whom people project onto me. And I choose not to let that project define my sense of self. I choose not to accept it when people adopt the toxic projections onto me as gospel. Likewise, I do my best not to accept how people are characterized to me. I let their own decisions define their character to me. And fuck if that level of mental detachment isn’t difficult. Because sometimes the ego and the emotions want to kneejerk all over the place and create unnecessary bullshit. Sometimes the moment carries too much power, and I allow myself to take the bait. I’m human. I’m flawed. I haven’t mastered the art of putting into execution, the lesson of knowing and understanding that what someone says about me isn’t indicative of me. It is indicative of their perception of me, and their perception of themselves. Much in the way that my perception of other people may not, always, reflect who they are.

When I was younger, I feared scrutiny. I feared examination. I feared confrontation with those less than perfect sides of myself. The level of my own insecurity dictated how easily I was malleable. And now that I have lived and experienced quite a bit; I’ve come to understand that there are people who never really step out of that mentality. They surround themselves in a cushion of denials and self-delusions, and they get aggressive when their self-image is questioned or perceived to be attacked. They need those untruths to be “true”, otherwise their sense of self is shattered. While I don’t directly remember feeling this to this level, I was more afraid of being exposed for being a sham.

Another big lesson I’ve learned about boundaries is how it relates to control. Those who feel like they are out of control, regularly disregard boundaries. They regularly disregard anything which will take control out of their hands. A great Instagram page, The Holistic Psychologist, posted something about this which struck me, “You’re crazy to everyone who can’t manipulate you.” And when I thought about it, it struck me as true. Almost blindingly so. And it’s something I carry with me.

Having said all of that, the place where those boundaries gets weird, is how it relates to my children. I am expected to trust their mothers are acting in good faith, and doing right by the kids, even though the very concept of it repulses me. I am expected to believe that these two women have the best interest of my children in mind; when all demonstrative action I see out of them indicates a level of self-centeredness that leads me to doubt what I am supposed to take in good faith. I feel I should be upfront in stating that I do not like either of these women, as people. In terms of the way the relationships played out, both were verbally and psychologically abusive. One was physically abusive. Both have gone out of their way to portray me as being psychologically unstable, controlling, and manipulative. And that’s just what comes off the top of my head. I was criticised for my own mental and emotional issues yet expected to cater to theirs. I was treated as though my thoughts and feelings were not valid, under the guise of accusations of treating them the same. Unfortunately, I see the same patterns of behavior starting to play out with them, with my kids. They both claim to be in therapy, but I don’t see any sort of indication that this therapy is actually constructive. It just looks like, from someone who was forced outside, that it’s just a continuation of the self-delusion. And that doesn’t benefit the kids at all.

By virtue of the fact that I am expected to co-parent, my ability to set up boundaries is slightly hampered. Because these women don’t respect anyone’s boundaries. They don’t know how to do anything but chase whatever whim their ego screams at them. And to me, a lot of the times, their egos run strongly counterproductive to what is best for the children. Or what is best for the harmony of the situation. Whenever I speak up about something, I’m met with derision. I’m met with attacks. I’m met with perpetual static. I am not allowed to establish limitations on what can be said. I am not allowed to establish boundaries on what I feel is acceptable for my children, because those boundaries interfere with their mother’s lives.

The most blatant two examples I can offer are this: bedtimes and significant others. My daughter has a problem with constantly falling asleep when she is in the car, no matter how short or far the trip is. She acts like she never gets any sleep. She always acts like she is exhausted. I know that when she is with me, she has the activity at school; either PE or recess, as well her martial arts class. But when she is with her mother, she does nothing active. Additionally, her mother doesn’t respect her bedtime. And then I’m left to wonder why my daughter has little to no energy. Both mothers of my children have a problem with being appropriate about their relationships with each kid. To them, their dalliances are just “friends”. Even though my kids see them kissing these new men. The kids see them going into the same bedroom. The kids aren’t dumb. But exposing your children to these men, like a revolving door, does not set the best of examples for them on how to view their relationships. Not every person you date deserves the honor of meeting your children. The lesson I was taught was that my children should only be introduced to the women I potentially date, once I’m sure that they’re going to be around on a near-permanent basis. The kids don’t need to know that people are expendable. The kids deserve to see better relationship models. Stability. Not the chaos of the perpetual revolving door. And not the gradual development of the fear of impermanence.

I struggle daily in enforcing my boundaries. I struggle with not capitulating to someone else’s desires. Because the weight of the bullshit that is thrown is absolutely depressing. And draining. No one deserves to feel like that. I’m better than I was, but I feel I could still improve. And I’m sure I will as I continue to grow, and evolve, and learn about myself and how to deal with my world.

0 notes

hotelbones · 6 years ago

Text

Conclusion on Thesis 1

Here it is, the end of the first thesis semester. What’s funny about finishing this class is that it doesn’t indicate a sort of stop on thinking about the project. Despite most of the work for the semester done, my presentation and final papers finished formalizing the concept, it doesn’t stay that way. The project is just a thought constantly in flux, and the forms are all just artifacts of that process.

For my final presentation I decided to take the approach of pitching a manifesto I plan on writing over the break. Instead of detailing the design process over the course of the semester that touched on the magic circle and intimacy, this narrative covered how I had been thinking about relationships in games for most of my life.

For me, games have always been about the relationships surrounding them. As I created these slides to create a narrative around my work I finally realized this.

For the rest of the majority of the slides I had to provide a TON of context about the thinking that helped my work reach where it is at right now. It covered some of the oldest games, the influence of the military-industrial complex, how digital games became characterized, and how game studies has constricted the current forms of games.

THEN I finished off by showing some of the work I did this semester and how it applied to these concepts I introduced in order to lead up to the idea for the manifesto I had.

I had Katherine Moriwaki and John Roach as crits and both of them said that my deconstruction of the medium was good. They gave both thought that I gave a really compelling story to figure out what the intimacy of games really is. John suggested I look at Fluxus event scores and relational art aesthetics, both of which were big inspirations of thinking for the direction of my project. However, I had not considered the comment John said that “relational aesthetics in art is a critique stating that the whole system of art making is relational”.

Both of them felt like the scope of this project was so large, which is great, but that I need to really focus on a good endpoint for next semester. I wrote down in my notes, “how can I meaningfully engage with this project next semester?”. I have been considering this a bit, but I will save to answer this question for the end of this post.

They also noted that there were a couple points that need to reconnect, which makes sense because there is just so much history to put into 10 minutes, some connections may be a bit shaky on the first run.

The last, most helpful comment about this project was Katherine noting about my problem trying to find a way out of capitalism that, “It’s not about getting away from capitalism, but the awareness that we must participate in it and hate ourselves”.

Now all of this feedback was nice, but most of it felt like confirmation of my project in a short period of time given to discuss. It was nice but it didn’t feel like I received much new criticism that opened my mind to what was possible and what was going on. Then everything changed when I made a zine.

For the End of Semester Show ‘n’ Tell I decided the best way to present my work would be in the form of the zine. Most of my work was conceptual or language based, so I really wanted to put it all into a form that respected that instead of just throwing it all on a table. So I threw it all into a pdf instead! The funny thing is that last semester I did the same exact thing with A Taxonomy on Interweaving Games and Post-Play. If this continued to be a trend I think it would lead to participating in communities I want to be a part of (artist/DIY/zine).

What I didn’t expect most from Skein was how much overwhelming positive reactions I received from it. Prior to cutting everything out I thought I would just be showing some things I made to catch up with friends in the rest of MFADT. I especially thought this as most people at Major Major didn’t engage with the Interweaving Games zine. However, over 75% of people that read spent at least 15 minutes sitting, turning the pages and thinking. What was the most surpising is that they said they felt an emotional reaction to it, there were even a couple people that.....cried???? What???

There is a clear difference between Interweaving and Skein in the use of language. At the time of Taxonomy I was trying to make something for game academics as my audience. So the language was super dense and obtuse for anyone that wasn’t involved in that field. Skein was deeply emotional, it was produced from games that were about the personal emotions I went through this semester related to bodies, objects, and spaces. Plus, I made most of the work so even though it was emotional, it was typically removed from my perspective so it didn’t feel like I was telling a person how to feel.

Jess Irish was the first professor to stop by my table. She told me that so much of this work was in her field because of its use of text. What was great about getting her feedback is she gave me feedback on the use of specific words and how changing up parts of my work would have changed the expressions drastically.

She also gave me this idea that I should separate my work into two forms: a really radical, experimental printed form that replaces the thesis studio paper, and a form that is in place of the project. I don’t think I necessarily understood what she meant by this at this point, but others came and helped me think more about this idea.

Anna Harsanyi and Mattie Brice sat at my table at the exact same time shortly after and it was a major blessing. Holy cow. When Anna sat down she immediately was like, “please tell me you know about scores”. Then we just talked about how my work related to scores and what the current state of scores was. During the presentation and even bringing this zine to the show I thought of this work still much like a form that would exist in game communities, but this was the turning point of thought.

Both of them mentioned that my practice was a very well made intervention to make create new meaningful interventions for my community. But I guess I don’t really know what this means looking back because I don’t know what community is being referred to....

Anna said that I could probably pitch something to an art space like Recess. I have never been to Recess or heard of it prior to this point but I think I am going to look into a lot more... Mattie commented that this work makes sense for this point in time for games as the field has been trying to break into the art field for a while now and many of the forms are starting to become so similar in ways. She gave me a lot of books to read over winter break, but specifically told me I should look into methods of experimental ethnography because it would really open up a new side to my work.

Heres a couple questions I wrote down from this feedback:

- How do we transform the lived experience of a space?

- What does it mean to draw from life as material?

- How do you translate these observations into something else?

- How does one honor context? How do you honor other people’s experiences through your own?

I also asked about the issue I had this semester where a lot of this work was very personal and draining. Both of them responded that there isn’t a form of work that isn’t personal because it comes from ourselves. It’s just learning to create boundaries and structure for ourselves.

Mattie suggested last, that my thesis should be composed of two different parts. A personal, private, community performance that addresses my community’s needs through the forms I have used this semester. And second that a written, capitally receptive and communally respectful experimental document could take the form of the paper.

These three professors totally reframed how I looked at this project. I am so glad about the path I took to thinking about this thesis this semester. I wouldn’t have gotten to think through all of these things if I had done anything differently. But I think over winter break and next semester, I want to start thinking about how to move this project into a “game score” performance combined with a framework that pitches how to think about games relative to relationships.

Some final notes on what I would do if I went back in time and gave myself advice on the semester. And maybe these will be helpful for next semester. - You aren’t making any one thing for thesis. I know you think you know this going into thesis. But you are going to probably forget at some point. Everything you produce becomes an artifact immediately upon becoming formalized and it will be more valuable than any one thesis project could be. - Don’t feel like you have to follow any process people suggest. You do a fine job of thinking and making when you need to, even if you do get a little lost in the head cave sometimes. Just make sure to keep tabs with your advisors and friends to see if they can advise you when you need to take a break from thinking to make something. - If you have time, just make structures for yourself emotionally, reasonably, and socially. You are so bad at straining yourself and its gonna bleed into your work a lot

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dianabercea · 6 years ago

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Digging deeper: Dreams

Dreams are defined by vivid or memorable images, emotions and sensations that occur during different stages of sleep. Although the content and purpose of dreams are not fully understood, they have been a huge topic in terms of science, psychology and religion interest throughout history. Many approve the Freudian theories about dreams - that they give insight into hidden desires and emotion, whereas others believe that dreams assist in memory formation, problem solving or simply are a product of random brain activation. Dreams play a substantial role in helping us cope with grief, stress and traumas. Most of our dreams are actually unpleasant; the most common emotions in dreams include fear, guilt, anxiety and helplessness. Moreover, anxiety dreams can be helpful – one theory is that we are working through our anxieties and more able to see what stresses us during the day. Dreams are an opportunity to work through things that frighten us in real life, to play out worst-case scenarios in an environment where they have no consequences. In order to get through the day, we have to edit out so much of what is going on around us, and if we pay attention to our subconscious and our dreams we get a different angle on our lives and issues. When we’re dreaming, we’re thinking in a state we never have access to by day. Dreams offer the opportunity to think in a different way and show new answers to problems, they often contain the seeds of something important. The key themes that I thought of are: sleep, fiction, emotion, imagination. For further expansion I did word association: Sleep: calmness, rest(less), mattress, insomnia, REM, fatigue, eternal, disturbed Fiction: fake, utopian/dystopian, surrealism, supernatural, storytelling, speculative, mythic Emotion: anxiety, sadness, empathy, jealousy, hatred, overwhelming, passionate Imagination: originality, sensibility, idealism, contemplation, picturesque, stimulation.

Using the keywords above I have found some interesting articles: “Les yeux de W” at Centre Régional d’Art Contemporain Occitanie” is an exhibition containing the work of the French artist Laura Lamiel, which takes the viewer’s body and mind on an inner journey through a succession of rooms through which one roams and crosses like the recesses of a memory that is sometimes vivid, sometimes buried, at times radiant, now gloomy. In this exhibition, the details act like the synapses of an infinite brain in which spaces fit squarely inside one another, getting divided, reflected and wrapped. The letter W’s dual and symmetrical structure indicates one way of approaching the journey. Laura Lamiel has been creating minimalist abstract landscapes that defeats our perception of reality in every possible way. By combining quirky deceptions, symmetries and plays of mirrors, Laura Lamiel’s sculptures, installations, photographs and drawings disrupt our perspective while causing new images to emerge. In a reality that seems to be constantly slipping away, Laura Lamiel’s work keeps the perspective tense and radiates perception into the depths of an inner experience. The artist constructs each of her works with an unparalleled meticulousness, combining smooth and gritty, hot and cold materials. White enameled steel, plexi-glass and neon are combined with varnished wood, copper, incense granules, but also with fabric, paper and cotton. The exhibition presents cell structures at the scale of human body. These are work and thought spaces in which the artist has placed stripped-down forms, but also archives, gloves and tissues that seem to have traveled through time, their worn-out appearance obstructing the calm, silent organization of the works. Laura Lamiel gives a significant level of attention to these tiny objects and fragments of life, bringing every focal distance of the eyes into play. From the finest detail to the overall space, the artist invites us to look in every way possible, under, through or from behind, while bringing to the surface what we tend to neglect, treating blind spots as quintessential looking-spaces.

The anxious art of Liana Finck: the New York cartoonist posts on Instagram her observations of urban life and how its etiquette is breached. “I think it inspires my Instagram drawings because I use those mostly to figure out things that are bothering me and make sense of them.” Somewhat ironically, it’s those drawings that draw the most negative response on Instagram. Finck’s keen observation of human behavior reflects intense awareness – to the point of self-consciousness – of her own. She frames her work as “noticing how civilization works” – moments when the urban fabric is momentarily pulled tight. If you do not pay these trivial violations any mind, it may be because city living fosters a certain obliviousness, a thicker skin. But not everyone develops it. “Sometimes I feel like a person who notices these things in a world of blind people who don’t”.

Next, we have Tracey Emin with her own reassembled bed, from when she used to live in a council flat in Waterloo, exhibited in Tate Britain for the first time in 15 years. She describes her work, “My Bed”, as a portrait of a young woman. It shows her real bed at the time in all its embarrassing glory, with used condoms, dirty underwear and empty bottles of alcohol strewn across the crumpled stained sheets. Emin had expressed her wish for the piece to go to a museum and described the Tate as “the natural home” for the work. Emin herself was very involved in how the work was to be presented, and it sits in a gallery alongside two Francis Bacon’s paintings, his 1951 Study of a Dog and his 1961 Reclining Woman, as well as six of her drawings that Emin gifted to the Tate to mark the occasion. Emin said part of the reason she had been so keen to have the work back at Tate Britain was to have a chance to change people’s original perceptions of the piece.“It’s really important to me to show it in context,” she said. “When I showed it originally at the Tate Britain as part of the Turner prize, nobody even bothered looking at the work that surrounded it, even though there were my watercolours, my drawings. So, what’s really great by having the Bacons around it, people will look at the Bacons and they will understand the connection with the bed and my other drawings. They will see the bed is art and that, with these incredible artworks around it, it is in good company.” what would be the most suitable companions, and she was involved in selecting the paintings that would be shown alongside her work. Emin considered that Francis Bacon was a very immediate answer to the question of who would be the most suitable companion to have his/her art shown alongside Emin’s, because there are wonderful reference’s between their work. There is this sheer vitality of the body that moves in spaces combined with a sense of internal turmoil.

Valerio Nicolai, an Italian artist, has a series of works entitled “Amarena”, exhibited in Milan, which is dedicated to that particular moments when everything we thought we knew falls and certainties fall down, personal apocalypses perceived as absolute, moments in which our vision of the world alters and turns to red. The material he uses already contain its own story and his artworks emerge as the result of an exchange of questions and answers between the artist and his creation. The name “Amarena” might recall an idealized childhood, an eternal start of summer spent climbing trees to eat fruits, ice cream cones bought by grandparents, but it could easily be the name of a devastating climatic event, a typical storm originated off the Brazilian coasts. The red dominant of the works is the color of the stage Nicolai interposes between subjective and objective realities in contrast. The images above represent 2 of his works, “Toilette”(the red painting) and “II festeggiato” (the red sculpture).

“What does idealism get you today? Abuse, derision, or sometimes prison” The world is holding its breath and it's stifling. Ever since the financial crash, there's been a sense of stasis, of waiting to see what emerges. As the wait goes on, the feeling of possibility becomes more overwhelming. The comical slogan that appeared in the immediate wake of the crisis, "Keep calm and carry on", makes all right-thinking people want to go mad. But that's largely because people aren't just keeping calm. A common air of resignation has taken over. There's lots of protest on social networking sites, lots of declarations, petitions, information. Yet, this feels like converted people are preaching to each other, their ideas and beliefs only gaining traction when opponents resort to anonymous abuse and threats. Far from bringing people together, social networking sometimes seems only to reveal the depths of our division.

With “From Anxiety to Volition”, the Kunstmuseen Krefeld is showing the first retrospective exhibition dedicated to Ludger Gerdes. With the beginnings of postmodernism in the late 1970s, Ludger Gerdes introduced a new communicativeness to sculpture and installation art—after Minimal and Concept Art. He dealt with architecture, nature and historical aesthetic concepts, as well as modernism, the public space and art’s relevance for society. His art is based on architectonic quotations, metaphors, abstractions and figurations, stagings, the pictorial quality of sculpture and word acrobatics. He assembled these recurring modules into models of thought and narratives whose structures or conclusions deliberately remain open. Models that show the world on a small scale, trees that symbolize the relationship between culture and nature, paintings that are sculptures, words that fall out of everyday speech and a man wearing a top hat who views a painting in one moment and disappears the next.

The relationship between dreams and art is a strong one, having in common the idea that both can be either real or unreal. They complete each other replacing what it is with what might be and they are both exposed at different interpretations. Take, for instance, the extraordinary work of the 15th-century Dutch painter Hieronymus Bosch, who used the fantastical and the grotesque to explore morality and mortality, depicting scenes from his dreams and visions.

#World

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far-off-flower-fields · 5 years ago

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Don’t mind me just find more random questions to answer to distract me until I’m tired enough to sleep.

How many times each morning do you press the snooze button? I don’t usually have to set alarms these days.

What time of day do you like to shower? Night

When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Usually no sides because I’m not rich and if I have to pick between a side and a dessert I will get dessert.

What do you spend more money than necessary on? I’m bad with money, toys probably, or clothes. I buy second hand, but I shouldn’t be buying anything that isn’t specifically planned in advance right now since I need to save to move.

What video game or computer game are you best at? I’m really bad at games, so maybe Sims 4 or something. I like games, I play them when I have the energy, I just really suck.

How do you normally come across new music? Spotify, sometimes my Fiance.

What do you keep your keys on? A turtle keyring.

Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Not really, I wear a lot of pastel colours, and they’re my favourites. Although I also wear neutrals and black if I’m doing a different look since my wardrobe is like 4-in-1 because I’m a million people at once.

Do you buy books or get them from the library? I used to read all the time, I’d go to the library and hire like 7 books and go through a book a day. Now I can’t concentrate so I just don’t read. I have several books in my posession that I need to read though if I ever get better.

What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? I say fuck the food pyramid.

Do you check PostSecret weekly? I have no idea what that even is.

What do you use your stovetop for most? Sitting things on. Or pasta. I made hokey-pokey the other month though to use up the last of the syrup someone bought.

Do you notice the impact of the economic recession? Yes, I saw so many posts on Gumtree of people having to give up their pets for financial reasons and it was really heart breaking.

Would you enjoy living somewhere where it's sunny all the time? Absolutely not. The sun gives me headaches and migraines.

What is it that you always seem to lose? My will to live xD Honestly though I lose like everything because I have to keep my entire life in a single room of my parents house rn.

Have you ever broken any bones? One, because I couldn’t handle the thought of going to work. I’m more prone to tendon damage.

What is your winter coat like? Which one? I have a mint green one which is waterproof and fluffy inside, I have a brown duffle coat one that flares out a bit, and I have a grey long coat. I also had to declare bankruptcy.

Do you keep dirty clothes in a hamper, or on the floor? Both, I have a system.

Which decade's music do you like best?: I can’t pick.

Can you focus on studying if there's music on? Yes, as well as I can really focus in general.

In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? When I have a migraine or sensory overload.

Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? NO. PE is the only class I failed.

If you had to choose a wardrobe to steal, who's would you pick? No, I have worked hard on mine to get it to the point its at.

If you had to pick one thing to bring back from the 90's, what would it be? Most of that stuff has already come back in one form or another, or never really gone away. Like you can get the toys second hand, furby has been rereleased like 3 times, clothes you can also still get second hand and the styles are pretty easy to copy anyway.

What about the 80's? Same as above.

Do you share any of your music taste with your parents? I share parts of my music taste with pretty much everyone, I have a really varied music taste, there isn’t a single genre I can say that I hate all of, there are ones I’m fairly unfamiliar with but I always loved music so I like a lot of it.

Could your parents tell when you would fake sick? I was sent in whether I was sick or not so there was no point in even trying. Only way I was allowed off was if I literally threw up in front of them which didn’t happen much, or the few occasions where my allergies gave me conjunctivitis.

Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? More.

Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? I have a Quasimodo plushie that I had when I was like 3. My parents always threw everything away or gave it away so I don’t even really have baby pictures, except like one I got from my grandparents place when they died.

Are there any stores that send you e-mail newsletters? A couple, but that’s just from buying things in the past.

Do you think people overuse the word "random"? Now not so much, but back in the 00s and early 10s it was used a lot more.

How often do you floss? Never, my teeth are a bit overcrowded so I can’t fit the floss in without pain and bleeding.

Do you use hairspray much? Never, I used it for a couple of stage shows I was in when I was a lot younger and that was about it.

Who is your favorite painter? I don’t really have one because there are so many, if I’m picking out of just the really famous ones then either Monet or Van Gogh.

Are art museums interesting or boring to you? Interesting

What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? PE needs significant changes to be at all worth the cost of running it. Once I hit my 20s I found out that there actually are some physical activities that I enjoy and missed out on. I think they should make it more free-form, if the concern really is health then surely letting people find and do the fitness tasks that work for them is better. If I’d been brought into a gym with actual gym equipment and they explained, okay, this does this, and this does this, try things out with a spotter and see what you like and what works for you, I’d have been much better of and have had some degree of physical fitness by now. They could also have offered option modules where instead of forcing everyone to do the same shit they let you pick, then I’d have been able to do yoga and dance and skipped out on the team sports they were pushing that literally lead to so much bullying and injuries because it’s about being competitive so they can send they sport inclined kids off to do competitions and win the school more money for the sports department and it’s a big nasty cycle of, damage some kids in favour of others, and lie to them all while making it compulsory for several years. Sorry this is a big ol’ sore spot with me because it is hugely indicative of many of the issues with many school systems in general, and while kidding on it’s for the youth, is actually just hurting them. FUCK.

When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I had like two modes, there was the days where people would play with me and we’d mash-up characters from the shows/movies we were watching (mostly charmed, totally spies, and xmen) and play as them in this whole made up world. Other days I’d walk around the tennis court trying to stay on the lines if it was empty or I’d just walk around the school daydreaming.

Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? I’m scared of the dark so I’m more afraid than annoyed. If I’m in the right situation it can be okay, but I never am because I don’t live with my Fiance and we can never afford candles.

Do you know how to use an ATM? Yes.

How about write a check? No.

Are you in to your heritage much? Sort of, not of my specific family, but Scotland’s cultural history and the like is interesting.

Are you pretty politically correct? I resent that term, it’s like the term “cancelled” where some brat decided to make it into something controversial to be nice, and considerate, and tactful, or to hold others accountable and expect them to hold themselves accountable. These are basic things you should be doing, do you need to use slurs? NO what are you losing by not using them? Nothing. What are you gaining by using them? Nothing. We gain nothing as a society by being intentionally offensive or winding folk up. You’re not thought provoking, we already came to the conclusion that certain things are shit, the next step isn’t to continue with your jokes, it’s to stop that shit and do the right thing to the best of your ability. FFS what does it cost people to just be nice? NOTHING.

What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? Some of the shoes the now are, lumpy and weird? Like they stick out in places I can’t imagine being practical. Also mullets.

What do you wear when you exercise? Ummmm depends what I was wearing immediately beforehand, if it’s fine then I just stick with that since I don’t do anything especially heavy-duty. If it’s not, I just grab some sort of top and shorts or leggings, whatever I put my hand on first honestly. A lot of the time I’m just wearing onesies with little monsters all over and they’ll do the job so I just stay in them.

What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? It varies, sometimes I put on some rain sounds or something. The only consistent thing is that I have to go to the loo whether I need to or not, that’s one of those things I assumed literally everyone did but it turns out they don’t and I just held onto the methods that were used to toilet train me as a bub xD If I’m alone I also have a system I have to use to check the doors are locked or I can’t sleep and have to get back up to check, but I don’t have the house to myself that often so...

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lisakellner · 5 years ago

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What do you do when art systems crumble?

When it’s time for a total overhaul

Important: If you are in a dire situation, click on this list of emergency resources.

What to do when art systems crumble:

We are in a time of upheaval. Galleries close, museums cut services, jobs are suspended or lost. The system we have been relying on for so long is coming apart at the seams.

I want to offer some real tools to help you move forward.

1. Feel What you’re feeling.

What ever you are experiencing right now is okay. Take the time to really feel the emotions going through you.

I had a great mentor that gave me some valuable advice. She told me that whenever she experienced something bad, she would stop what she’s doing and take fifteen solid minutes to really feel the emotions.

It’s important to acknowledge the impact this particular event is having on you in this moment.

Whatever you feel is the right feeling to have right now. Take the time and embrace it.

One effective tool is to acknowledge the feeling yet separate yourself from it.

Instead of saying, “I am angry and frustrated about xyz”, try this instead:

”I feel anger and frustration about xyz.” You can have the feelings without them completely overtaking who you are.

2. Get in the right Mindset.

When you are ready, ease yourself into a better mindset. What does that mean exactly? You can’t get out of this situation, if you have a defeatist attitude.

You have to be able to shift your thinking. New scenarios require new ways of problem solving.

Check out this blog post: Why the Right Mindset matters.

Each day, try to immerse yourself in a new activity. See whether this activity shifts your thinking, even if its for a few minutes. It takes time to change your mindset.

I recently went through my own personal journey of shifting my mindset. I wish I could tell you it took a day or even a few weeks. Like all good things, it took time. (In my case a couple years.) But the outcome is that this shift became permanent. And I am so grateful for that!

Just start on the journey of a new mindset for a new era; one that empowers you to achieve, not makes you reliant on systems outside of your control.

3. Believe (and Know) that you will get through this.

“You are what you believe yourself to be.”

— Paulo Coelho

Make sure your true belief system is in alignment with your actions and your thoughts.

It’s one thing to say I believe “abc”, but you also have to know it with every cell in your body. It has to become a part of you; impervious to outside influences.

Sounds simple, but not always so easy.

Use this time when all things around you are seemingly declining, to renew your belief system about yourself. Repeat until you know it innately:

You are perfectly capable of finding your way through anything.

You are successful and thriving.

Nothing can get in your way of your own success.

If you can’t get there quite yet, the first step is being aware that your belief system is not in sync with your own ability to prosper. You want to be successful. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be struggling right now. Be cognizant that you might be placing some roadblocks in your own way.

Once you understand that the biggest thing holding you back is your own set of beliefs, then - and only then - can you change them.

4. Diversify your income and your strategy

I have been through a recession (actually three) and have learned a thing or two along the way. The first one hit two months after I graduated college. As I watched everyone around me being laid off or fired, I spent each day waiting for the ball to drop.

I decided right then and there to never depend solely on one source of income.

Diversify your income AND your strategy.

Let’s talk strategy first.

As an artist in the time we are currently living in, I strongly suggest that you do not rely on one source for exhibiting and selling your work. Diversify. If you are completely dependent on galleries (one or more) to get your work seen and sold, then you are NOT diversified.

What happens when those galleries close or a pandemic forcibly shuts them down?

In the financial world, not being diversified is foolish - to say the least. An investor would not just invest in oil companies or soft drink companies. A smart investor would make sure their portfolio is well diversified.

A smart artist should do the same. Your investment of time, energy and money required to make your work should embolden you to never fully rely on one outlet for your success.

It’s time to come up with multiple streams for promoting, exhibiting and selling your work. Use this time to gear up and create a strategy that will once again place you on a firm foundation. Force yourself to think of innovative ways that maybe you haven’t considered before.

Take a look around. there are many artists already doing this. Start an online course or YouTube channel that you can monetize. Create a Patreon membership offering a service or product that is really valuable. Use Zoom to show you working in the studio and ask for a “Pay what You Want” donation. Create your own online exhibition or studio tour.

The point is stop relying on old systems to get you through this new landscape.

Okay, finances.

I have always felt that a secondary source of income is a must have, for everyone but especially for artists. Having that source of income not within the arts makes it a diversified income source.

You want to be recession proof.

Look around right now and assess what industries are actually thriving (or at least sustaining) during this time. I can think of a few.

All indicators point to a flourishing online economy - like it or not. Get yourself a foothold online so that you can profit from this already burgeoning system. The beauty of it is, you can be online and remain independent.

Another overlooked system is the most local one near you. What is working and what isn’t right now in your local landscape? How can you provide something that works here? No matter where you live, growing and providing food will always be in demand. Is there a way to use your creativity to profit from a local food system?

What about a passive income source? Write an eBook and sell it. Use your art in new ways to earn for you. Create an awesome t-shirt with your own distinctive style!

Passive income streams inside and outside of the arts are a viable source of secondary income.

Finally, keep your expenses low. (I’ll have more on this at a future date.)

Suffice it to say there are two things you can do immediately to reduce your expenses.

Eliminate ALL unnecessary monthly subscriptions.

Communicate honestly about your situation to those who you owe money to. This includes your landlord, credit card company, bank, etc. You would be surprised how many people, and businesses, are willing to work with you when you are genuine (and respectful) in your communication!

5. Be of service

I know. You’re thinking, how can I help others when I am suffering myself?

When times are tough and people come together, the world opens and the potential for opportunity is suddenly realized.

It’s important to get outside of yourself and help others.

When you do this, an interesting thing happens. You begin to problem solve for other people and it leads to new ways of thinking (mindset revamp) and new ways of doing.

Be being unselfish, you start to see things in a new light, finding ways around a problem that perhaps you hadn’t considered before. Then, you start applying these to your OWN life. Amazing!

I challenge you right now to use your art and your creative skills to find a way to serve your audience. When we help others we put into context our own problems and take on a larger perspective of how the world works. Always a useful tool.

6. Build your own thing

As old systems begin to crumble, the opportunity arises for you to create your own system. One that relies mostly on you and not on things out of your control.

A stand of trees in the woods depends on each other. Yet, each tree has to have a strong root system and trunk in order to survive the worst of storms.

Decide right now to rebuild your own foundation and be impervious to future crises.

Creating a strategy and building your won system is something I focus on in my One to One coaching sessions.

Begin with a website. If you already have one, do a total revamp and make sure that your website reflects the new you.

Start to create your own community. Don’t just commiserate with other artists about how bad things are.

Be a part of the change that needs to happen.

What is lacking right now? Be the solution for it. You are smart and you are creative. Use these skills to change the problem rather than just succumbing to it.

Take your power back.

7. Get the right kind of help

Reach outside of yourself for new information, new skills and new mentors.

There is plenty of information online that can help you through. Or you can find someone you trust to help you with a strategy for the future. This will pass and we will get through it. You decide how that is going to happen.

If you want to take this further, here’s how I can help you: The Artist Essentials One on One Method.

In Summary:

What to do when art systems crumble:

Feel what you’re feeling.

Get in the right mindset.

Believe and Know that you will get through this.

Diversify your income and your strategy.

Be of service.

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michaeldempsey · 5 years ago

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Market Views 4/6/20 - Why didn’t jobless claims crash the market and when will stocks recover?

We now need clarifying news to move stock prices

Last week after a horrible jobs number everyone in the twittersphere was shocked that the markets didn't tank and looking for answers. There are a few ways to look at this, with the easiest being to point them to a discounted cash flow model and explain that companies are based off a belief in future value of earnings. While the jobless claims number was a shocker to many (especially because the chart looked so stark), it really didn't change the economic view of many of these companies. As I've been harping on across basically everything I've written over the past few weeks, we all are operating under the assumption that this is going to be really bad, that "main street" is outsized effected vs. wall street, and that we don't have a good way to quantify that loss. Thus, after a massive sell-off in public markets a few years weeks ago due to fear and an impending global pandemic, the only thing that can materially change our view is clarifying news. So when we see 6.65M jobless claims the market shrugs and says "uh, seems bad but doesn't really allow us to materially update our model" and then public markets trade sideways on the news.

Clarifying news can hold different definitions at various points in time. For some reason, markets believed that Trump speaking qualitatively was clarifying news a few weeks ago, however have begun to drastically mark down the value of that input, as he continues to fire from the hip daily in his pressers. A similar view has been held with respect to China numbers (of which many early models were based off of), which as we talked about last week, has now been slanted more towards a garbage in and garbage out data modeling view.

(h/t Bulger) https://twitter.com/conorsen/status/1247098556512710656

With that said, perhaps we are starting to get better quantifying data as we're seeing deaths and infections fall across Europe and have perhaps passed a peak in NYC (see chart below for ER data) here in the states. The NY Times has doubts on some of these numbers (as do many others) but it's more likely the positive news gets amplified and markets trade up on it in the short-term.

I say short-term because we still don't have strong data on resurgence rates, timelines for testing, or a ton of other things that could lead to the secondary sell off that I've been anticipating. As I've said, a lot of these also assume a stronger level of distancing than I think we'll be able to sustain. Right now, in early spring, we're seeing humans' ability to stay inside (sorta) and isolate for a few weeks (with a ton of complaining). As weather continues to turn for the better across the country (and northern hemisphere) and we get pushed from April 30th to maybe memorial day, I don't have a ton of faith we'll see pseudo-elective social distancing maintain, and a government mandated lockdown would likely send things further south.

COVID-19 & Stock Recovery Timelines

Timeline of distancing is the big question on everyone's mind as it will drive economics and likely the gap between a recession and a depression. These questions come at the economy from multiple angles but largely rely on how earnings can return after suffering a demand shock for 2+ months, as well as how the world is changed after this.

On the first order (and broad) question of "when can we go places again" these two charts below show both where some believe we are on the curve, as well as the likely restriction lifts. I'd say that the April 30th lift of restriction will likely not come to fruition in the US and instead be pushed a few weeks as Trump potentially sees positive signs in the market with improving, post-peak data.

How the rest of the global economy will impact markets, is something I'm less of an expert in, especially with the complexity of supply chains that has only grown stronger over the past decade. But for reference, here's a chart from JP Morgan on the various countries and their respective phases.

So now that we have a timeline of some sort (let's just say June 1), we have to begin to look at the earnings impact. Goldman is projecting that after a crisis, we usually see a bounce back of ~3 years before we get back to prior earnings per share levels.

So back to stock prices and earnings. If we see the above Goldman report of 3 years to get back to EPS levels, we can look at past data from bear markets to understand potentially how stock prices will follow. Looking at the last two bear markets, we see a slight lag between where earnings breakeven and markets do, however both of these were followed by very strong bull markets. As Ben Carlson notes, this slight lag could provide massive tailwinds for another large bull run.

My opinion is that we could see a slightly closer coupling of these two principles as the shock isn't one of financial systems or company health this time around but instead one of exogenous risk exerted on the market. Because of this as well as aggressive fiscal policy to push people towards risk-on assets in search of yield, it's more likely that we'll see markets want to pay for future growth at a faster rate than before. As Carlson says:

It’s true that the price of an asset should reflect the present value of all future cash flows but investors often over- or under-react based on their expectations of the future, meaning the pendulum can swing far above and below fundamental values.

Other Notes

Related to a lot of these unemployment numbers, we should be continually watching those that leave the labor force. As any economics undergrad can tell you, discouraged workers and those not in work force have a real draw on the economy, and thus are good tertiary indicators.

A lot of people are staring at Alphabet and Facebook stock prices while trying to understand the impact of a large portion of ad demand fleeing the market in the short-term. This chart shows some data on that across various categories. Anecdotally, I’m seeing closer to 50% drop off for digital advertising prices, but probably even a larger flight from demand on some consumer areas I’m exposed to.

Americans realizing that the light stuff won’t do and headed straight for premixed cocktails for that extra spice in their day is a trend I didn’t see (vs. just pure grain alcohol or moonshine). #quarantinis

What I’m Doing

I’ve sold off all of my VIX longs. Still short TSLA, ZM, URBN, MNST, and a few other + most indices. Likely selling part of my FTSE short today as I’m not sure I want to ride the ups of amplified good news with quieted bad news in the short-term (this is an interesting dynamic of where we are in the cycle that should be written more about).

Art

#public markets #investing #COVID-19 #marketviews

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jobsearchtips02 · 5 years ago

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