#isaac: I WAS LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED AND A MINOR?

[flatstarcarcosa]

only useful thing to come out of the finale is that sarge is dying in the au now. i'd never considered it or thought of it before, despite coming up w some decent serious lore for him i stupidly did not copy paste but i digress.

i don't have the where/when/how/why yet but it WILL involve sarge having always said if he begins conversion simmons is duty bound to shoot him "before i forget how much i hate grif!"

except it ends up being sarge and grif when it happens and sarge tells him he always loved him like a son and then shoots himself so no one else has to do it.

rvb finale sure was a thing huh

[beevean]

ooh, are we making fun of NFCV again? i wanna add to the pile re: how all the so-called "diversity" and "representation" it gets praised for goes overwhelmingly, if not entirely to the bad guys - and half of them don't even have a speaking role or even names, or at least we don't learn about them anywhere else besides the supplementary material, like in the case of drac's vampire generals (except godbrand, of course). even the two PoC good guys i can think of, zamfir and greta, aren't that great considering zamfir is portrayed as hopelessly and delusionally devoted to the deceased targoviste royalty, to the point of forsaking the wellbeing of both the underground and aboveground survivors, and then dies anyway in service of that delusion. and greta's just a last-minute newcomer to allegedly address grant's conspicuous absence that fans were complaining about from the start.

We never stop making fun of NFCV lol, there's always something new to point out 🥰

I can see how fans would respond to this that representation doesn't need to be relegated to heroes only, and you can have minority villains as long as they're not stereotyped. But yeah, the representation in NFCV is shallow at best and offensive at worst.

Most Generals in Dracula's army don't have a speaking role. Cho, the Japanese vampire who goes down in less than a minute in S2, gets a flashback after she died, because storytelling.mp4, and even then she doesn't talk. I only remember Raman's name because Carmilla says something like "there are only 4 women in this castle" nope it's just 3 of them lmao

Sumi and Taka look identical despite not being related according to Word of God, which is hysterical to me because you know they said that to divert the accusations of incest. my pal. you really think your GoT-inspired show is above twin siblings having a threesome? Also, you know, they immediately jump to rape by deception without a hint that they'd do that through all season, and then their corpses get graphically mutilated and pissed on (contrast this with the white, most likely French Lenore who gets to flirt and be cute with her victim)

Isaac is gay! How do we know that? He "jokes" out of nowhere about kissing Hector, a guy he has zero respect for. This line has no follow-up and is OOC with how serious the character is always portrayed. And that's not counting his declaration of love made to his abusive master when he was a boy.

I don't know enough about Islam to have a solid opinion on how it was treated in Isaac's case, and in a vacuum having a "complex" Muslim anti-villain is more original than usual. But I don't like how his self-flagellating habit was first treated as a result of his traumatic past, then as a religious practice, then completely dropped. Using Mohammed's own words about Hell being emptied, which from what I've read mean that in Islam hell is transitory, and twisting them to justify his necromancy is... certainly a delicate choice, but again, he doesn't really reflect on this in S4, he just jumps to "wow I sure love having agency!"

Also, in retrospect, it would have been much better if Isaac hailed from the Emirate of Granada instead of being a slave, a backstory more befitting for N!Annette for her origins and time period. In his case, it would have been more original, and expanded the world a little more. What's that? He wouldn't have a reason to hate humankind? Then how come game!Isaac can do it just fine? :) You know, since he was persecuted (maybe even by the Spanish Inquisition!) for his cursed powers? :) maybe you can have more reasons to hate humans than "former slave"? maybe black people can be depicted as something different than slaves? :)

Striga and Morana are cute together, but are non-entities who begin and end with each other. Also, funny how Morana, the lesbian of color (triple minority!), is literally the most useless and wasted of the four :) and even then the most characterization she gets is "she loves to torture people". nice

Alucard was made bi by Word of God and I don't need to repeat how appalling it is. I hate that most "antis" have a problem with him being attracted to men in the first place, and not that the declaration was made to downplay his sexual assault.

(meanwhile Carmilla, inspired by the literal archetype of the lesbian vampire, to the point that you can even see her game version as being a lesbian thanks to Laura, gets reduced to joke that she'd only sleep with Godbrand if all the men, half of the women and some of the animals died. but hey, she's a radfem, I guess that's enough)

Apparently I have... controversial opinions on the choice of darkening Hector's skin and the ethnicity he is in this version. But I will say that there is something weird in deliberately giving him bronze skin, I suppose to emphasize his Greek heritage, and then spending two seasons literally dehumanizing him and lowering him to the level of a dog and pet.

Also something about the Speakers, nomadic people whose oral traditions get made fun of, by Sypha in particular who calls them idiots, is... hm. The wiki even points out: "They are also similar to the Jews (especially due to their reverence for knowledge and their tradition of oral history) and, to a lesser extent, to the Romani."

I skipped Zamfir's plotline because by S4 I had burnout, but yeah, Greta is probably the best character of color and even then she's little more than a generic badass woman with attitude. Also she's even more ambiguously brown than Hector, I would say on the same level as Casca from Berserk - you can tell she's not white, but she's not really anything else.

(btw no, she has no relation with Grant :) )

tl;dr: the only good representation in nfcv are the tunisi people isaac speaks to and this is why i do not trust them with black annette, and i hate the fucking discourse on twitter from people who just don't like the design change

[missielynne]

What is the deal with some people's intense hyperfixation with the shed ghosts?! Like they're clearly very minor characters who are entertaining to see occasionally but by definition not characters the show is ever going to focus on or tell us all that much about. If people want to head canon about them, write fics, etc. then go for it! That's what makes fandom fun!! Yet a few people here are unironically like "omg, the anxiety and pain of not hearing about the shed ghosts in every single episode is seriously damaging to my mental health" and "these characters who have had a total of maybe seven lines across all four seasons are literally the only reason I watch the show." Maybe don't watch then if not featuring very minor characters in every episode proves so traumatic?! Again, people can like whoever they want, but to be so disturbingly hyperfixated about any fictional characters to the point where it's impacting mental health, let alone characters who most people can't even remember the names of, is super unhealthy. It's like someone only watching Friends for Gunther and then freaking out every time he's not featured :)

I understand why the past two episodes have gotten h-money shippers excited that h-money will be a couple ---and they're almost certainly right that the writers will go there again eventually. But for me the last two episodes solidified how much I love them as partners in crime, aka "power friends", and I'm clinging to the faint possibility that they stay that way! Their imbalanced, loveless romance just didn't work for me- I'm with Albert and Isaac on that one!

Sam has such a small role this season? Like you, I find the ghosts more compelling and entertaining than the human characters, so in a sense it's good that Sam seems to have been reduced from a/the main character to someone who's there purely to react to whatever the ghosts are up to that particular week. But it's kind of weird that she was presented as such an energetic "can do" person with all these goals and ideas (not that I can relate!) and she's now so bland and 'just there' for the most part?! Similarly, Jay was more endearing in the first season imo, and their relationship was presented as the sweet backbone of the show while now it too is 'just there.' I don't know why I feel that way but just putting it out there in case someone else sees this and agrees!

I'm thrilled we're getting at least two more seasons, but I hope the writers take this as an opportunity to focus less on Ghost romances and more on season-long arcs now that they have the luxury to do it. I saw someone suggest a season long murder mystery since the mansion is already perfect for a Clue homage? Or maybe starting the season with a prophecy that one of the ghosts will be permanently sucked off, only for us to have to guess every episode which one it might be? I LOVE the standalone episodes, but I feel like knowing they have so much time can give the writers room to do a little more now, right?!

1: I've not seen a lot of people who are fixated on the shed ghosts but maybe its a representation thing, even though they *are* fairly minor, and it can still go a long way for people? Or they're just curious about them? I don't know. Your guess is as good as mine, but I do wish on the whole that instead of people just trying to boss writers/showrunners into doing exactly what they want (for whatever reason), people would just let the writers tell their stories and then not watch if the story the writers come up with don't work for them. As a writer myself it sort of makes me grit my teeth when fans feel they can make demands for the show to be a certain way just to suit them.

2. I won't be HEARTBROKEN if/when H-Money is romantic again, but like you say, Power Friends/partners in crime (and for me, benefits optional) is so much more entertaining to watch than having there be a more traditional romantic plotline so I'm savoring Power Friends and their fist bumps for as long as we've got them.

3. I have to say that as much as I love Sam in general (and I do), I too have been relieved she's been on the backburner lately because every time they focus on her, it's cause of some trauma she needs fixed, as I have said a gazillion times, and that's not fun to watch if it's all we get. I want a Sam-focused episode that's like her and Hetty bonding or Sam planning Jay's birthday. (Something along the lines of Sam dealing with that front desk guy he hired when he was upset about his hamster and Hetty's like "This doesn't matter, just go hard on him cause you're the boss!" And she did and was so thrilled afterward.) That was truly a fun Sam scene to watch and I want more from her where she comes from a place of power rather than a place of trauma.

3. The thing about Sam and Jay (vs. the couple in BBC, for example) is that our show has more time to balance out good solid Sam and Jay plots with ghost plots. And while I don't necessarily feel Jay is just in the background cause restaurant (and the ways they've managed to work the ghosts in there have been nice) I do see what you're saying too. I read in an interview that there's gonna be some relationship friction for them coming up. (Maybe they're building to that with Jay spending so much time with the restaurant?) So that will put them front and center more if it's true.

4. I would LOVE a season long (or at least some multi-episode) plots now that the show team knows they have a couple more seasons to plan. Like I loved solving Alberta's murder and that process, so something like Clue (or a two/three parter murder mystery weekend thing) would be so fun! Or have Alberta and Isaac be Bangs and Pony and solve crimes or something. Have a couple of episodes at the Farnsbys and see what can be mined from that...family relationships. Have Thor introduce Bjorn to Hetty...show me the Farnsbys faces when they find out their house is haunted and one of the ghosts is his mother. Working on more family relationships, both within the mansion amongst the ghosts and outside it would be so great for me.

[i-am-trying-my-best-okay]

So I watched Devil in Ohio. And I have some thoughts.

I don’t know, the way characters treat each other in this series just strikes me as weird. For example, Isaac and Jules apparently have been friends since like the third grade, but it was so fragile. The moment Jules makes friends with Mae he acts all upset about it. And on Halloween, I know they have a tradition, but they could literally watch the movie the next day or something, and it wasn’t like Jules was discluding him; she invites him to the bonfire with her, but he acts like this is some friendship ending event. And then, when she asks for a ride home, where he KNEW there would be alcohol there, he told her no, leaving her to fend for herself, knowing she was probably drunk at night, and he never apologized for that, instead she had to apologize for what, branching out? 

And then Jules with Mae, that just kind of sucked; the dad to actually. They acted like they were best friends, and yeah Mae was obviously possessive of their friendship, but what did she do besides help her photography and take a picture of Isaac from her wall? Yes, Mae did have some potential toxic behaviors in their friendship, but she just left a cult and has no idea of regular social boundaries, so they could have had a conversation with her to let her understand, but no. And in the end, that’s not even what Jules got mad about, it was because Mae decided to branch out, same thing with Jules and Isaac. Mae goes to the mall with some people without Jules, and Jules acts all weird about it. And then they wear the same costume, because as stated Mae wants to copy Jules, but Jules takes this strangely personally. And then Sebastian, Jules’s crush, asks Mae to the dance and that’s enough for Jules to decide their friendship is over? Mae even told Jules she wouldn’t go with Sebastian to the dance when she learned Jules had a crush on him, but Jules didn’t care, and now Jules and Isaac are calling Mae a narcissist? She definitely has some problems with attachment and how to form healthy bonds, but I wouldn’t say narcissist. Jules was just pissed that Mae started having connections outside of her, and that inconvenienced her.

And then with the dad, he obviously didn’t care much for Mae since the beginning, which okay, fair, he’s not obliged to think of Mae as his own daughter or something, and with where they are financially due to his house thing taking in another child probably isn’t the best. But he could at least see her for what she is; a traumatized, cult programed child. One thing that made me a bit upset, was when he was asking about the fire and if she knew about it, it seemed like he literally triggered a trauma response in her, as she went to her knees, clinging to his feet and mumbling. Instead of consoling her or something, he goes into the house, telling Suzanne later that this was suspicious behavior or some shit. Like, my guy, you, a older man was accusing her of something, and it made her want to beg for forgiveness, and the leader of her cult is an older man, fill in the dots. 

Then towards the end they’re acting like it’s Mae’s fault that their family is in disarray? But it’s not? Mae didn’t do anything till the flower thing at the end to see if Suzanne would come for her. What’s the worst thing that happened to this family due to Mae’s presence? The parents had a small disagreement about scheduling and who would drive who to where? And yes, the cult is now interacting with the family, but that’s not Mae’s fault, she’s the victim of this cult who is literally trying to kill her, but the family is acting like Mae is masterminding all their minor inconveniences. Yes, Suzanne got a little too involved in the investigation of Mae, but Mae never asked this of her, this was Suzanne’s decision. And what, they had to stay in a different place for the night because Mae was about to be KILLED by the cult? She’s dying, and they couldn’t give less of a shit, victimizing themselves, not even slightly worried about Mae. When Jules and Peter were talking it was all like ‘Mae shouldn’t have come here’ ‘yes but it wasn’t just her fault honey’ like, can you not, she’s kind of reliving her trauma right now while you are all fine. Three arguments with your wife, a shared Halloween costume, and the family is in shambles?  And then in the end, they decide they can’t bare to stay with Mae so they end up living separately from their mom? This random hatred for Mae just seemed so out of place when she hasn’t really done much to them besides exist. That’s really it; they’re upset at her for existing in their home, for existing near them when people are trying to kill her, a child.

And then with the ending, it was nothing out of character for Mae; it’s been established she has problems knowing how to keep lasting bonds with people. It was very self destructive of her to want confirmation for love so badly that she willingly brought herself back into the cult to die just to see if they come for her. That’s kind of sad, and makes for a very unhealthy relationship, and Mae should see a therapist. In fact, Suzanne is literally a psychiatrist, and she never addresses any of this previous, less extreme behavior within Mae. I want Mae to understand she can reach out to other people and not go to such extreme measures, but when she started doing that when she went to the mall with other girls without Jules, Jules got all upset about it rather then encourage her, so that probably didn’t help. 

I don’t know; maybe this is just me projecting my love for the found family troupe.

[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

Castlevania Season 4: I’m not mad, just disappointed

Season 4 is poorly written fanfiction, which is...better than a lot of things could be, I guess.

Spoilers below the cut.

Content warning: trauma, sexual assault, psychological manipulation

The Gods Have Had a Change of Heart

Or, “Season 3 Blocked and Ignored”

Season 3 felt like the fabric of the universe had been twisted just to inflict additional pain. Season 4 overcompensates in the other direction; trauma evaporates, and good things happen for no other reason than to make our favorite characters happy.

The Season 3 finale left two characters in particular totally devastated: Alucard and Hector. Alucard is violently betrayed in a horrifying sexual assault by the first two people he’s spoken to since Trevor and Sypha left. He ends up killing them in self-defense and puts their bodies on stakes outside the castle, alluding to his father’s habit of doing so and potentially hinting at a turn toward evil. Hector is seduced by Lenore and then enslaved using a magic ring.

Yet at the start of Season 4, it’s as if these things never happened. Alucard is troubled, but not totally devastated, certainly not evil. Taka and Sumi are referenced in exactly one conversation with new character, Greta, in which she says the rather tactless throwaway line, “I had a boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time once. But they never tried to kill me.” Hector is nominally imprisoned, but immediately seems highly agentic, perhaps even more so than before. He studies, lays traps, and makes secret plans with other people. Furthermore, his relationship with Lenore is completely transformed. From falling to his knees in abject horror and despair at being enslaved, he suddenly switches to light banter, in what is apparently a basically okay, mutually enjoyed romantic/sexual relationship. Manipulative, selfish Lenore is now a sympathetic character struggling to reconcile her own role and feelings with Carmilla’s plans.

The events of season 3 happened, remaining canon in the most basic, literal sense. But the emotional weight attached to them has disappeared into thin air.

Not gonna lie, I did breathe a sigh of relief when I saw that Alucard and Hector were okay. I’m soft-hearted! I don’t like seeing characters I like suffer! I mean, conflict is important, and I can deal with (or even enjoy in a certain sense) seeing characters suffer if it makes sense and serves a narrative purpose. But as far as I can tell, the season 3 finale was nothing more than lurid, meaningless violence. I probably wouldn’t have continued watching the show if it devolved into nothing more than finding novel ways to torture the characters.

Still, it doesn’t feel quite right to pretend like nothing happened either. Or, really, not that nothing happened, but that those things didn’t matter, didn’t hurt, didn’t leave lasting scars. That’s...almost kind of worse.

But, I thought, I can sort of forgive this sudden shift in the stars, given that there may have been some sort of change in creative direction relating to Ellis’ decreased involvement with the show.* Plus, season 3 was insanity. It’s not like it was full of great writing choices, so if we quietly ignore some of them, maybe that’s for the best.

*I only later learned that Netflix actually chose to continue with Ellis’ season 4 scripts. It is not lost on me that maybe Ellis doesn’t know how to write about the lasting effects of traumatic sexual experiences or how power dynamics can make a sexual relationship problematic because he doesn’t understand that those things exist.

Characters Being Nobody and Nothing Happening

Pretty Pictures, Not Much Else

Unfortunately, the disconnect between seasons 3 and 4 isn’t the only problem with this season. Although I felt that season 4 was a bit less boring than season 3 (I particularly enjoyed some of the earlier episodes of season 4), it suffers from the same basic problems of Characters Being Nobody and Nothing Happening.

None of the characters experience any significant development, let alone any sort of coherent arc. Sypha has changed slightly, becoming more rough and jaded. I did really like the scene where she talks about becoming the kind of person who says “shit.” I think it really speaks to how entering into a relationship with someone means taking on aspects of their lifestyle, and how that can change you in ways that you can’t predict and therefore can’t exactly “agree” to. Sometimes those changes are good, sometimes they’re bad, sometimes they’re neutral, and sometimes it’s difficult to know. But you have to accept that you’re sacrificing some aspects of the person that you could have been if you chose to live completely independently, or with someone else.

Trevor really hasn’t changed since season 1 when he first decided to take up the mantle of hero again. Likewise with Alucard. Hector and Lenore change, as previously noted, but that change is sudden, jarring, and occurs completely off screen in between seasons 3 and 4. Carmilla dies as exactly as she lived: bitter, angry, and violent. Saint Germain just kind of...gets fucked over in a nonsensical subplot, which is its own whole can of worms.

We also get several new characters in season 4, none of whom have developed personalities or motives, nor do they develop any of those things over the course of the season: Greta, Zamfir, Varney, Ratko.

And nobody. Does. Anything.

Trevor and Sypha spend the entire season trying to explore and aid Targoviste, which comes to absolutely nothing. They’re unable to help anyone, Zamfir dies, and they end up just jumping through a magic portal to the actually relevant subplot in the finale. Carmilla literally does little more than draw maps until she’s ultimately killed. Hector plays a minor role in Saint Germain’s extraction of Dracula from Hell; otherwise, he and Lenore basically just exchange banter. Saint Germain does sort of do some stuff? But it’s often unclear how he’s made his connections, who the people who are helping him are, or what exactly he’s doing in terms of his magic beyond “whatever it takes to get back to his lover.”

Sure, there are fight scenes, but they feel meaningless. There’s no context, no stakes. There’s also a LOT of dialogue, and it is. Not well written. Exposition is embarrassingly clumsy at times, and the philosophical musings are cliche at best, muddled and confusing at worst. There’s just not all that much going on.

That is, except for Isaac. But more on him in a second.

What Kind of Show Is This?

When the plot line adapted from Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse ended with season 2, the show struggled to establish a new identity.

Despite nominally dealing with themes like whether humanity is inherently good or evil and how to cope with wrongdoing and loss, seasons 1 and 2 ultimately boiled down to a pretty generic action-adventure/fantasy plot with found family/power of friendship elements. Main characters Trevor, Sypha, and Alucard don’t really wrestle with big philosophical questions or suffer any major defeats. They know that they have to take down Dracula for the good of the world, and they work together as a team to do it, with a little character development relating to their various backstories sprinkled in.

Then season 3 happened, and things got weird. The trio is broken up for what feels like a pretty trivial reason—Alucard has to protect the castle and Belmont hold, I guess? And the result of that decision is that the dynamics for the three main characters are completely unbalanced.

Ellis openly admits that he basically went feral with the writing of season 3, and it shows. The messaging in seasons 1 and 2 was cliche, but consistent. The message of season 3? Anyone’s guess.

Season 4 reversed the darkening of tone from season 3, but shares its inability to pick a story and tell it.

Isaac is the Main Character

Always has been.

While I can’t say that his character or arc are perfect, I can say that he actually has a character and an arc. He starts off motivated by his fierce loyalty to Dracula, then has to struggle to find his purpose once Dracula is gone. He goes from subservient to agentic. He goes from fully endorsing the genocide of humanity and not caring about his own life to seeing some worth in humans and genuinely wanting to live. He has an interesting moment that deepens our understanding of what night creatures are, while also serving as an exploration of the meaning of one’s fundamental nature. Most importantly, these changes happen naturally over the course of the show. They never feel forced or out of the blue, and while I feel like even more could have been done with Isaac’s character, there’s a lot to appreciate about what is there.

If there’s any thread holding Castlevania as a single, coherent work together, it’s Isaac. Not only is his character the best executed and the most coherent over the course of the show, his character explores themes that are larger than himself and relevant to the show as a whole, like those mentioned earlier: misanthropy versus a belief in the value of humanity; the ability to go beyond one’s “nature” or initial circumstances; and how to respond to being wronged or losing something important to you. Exploring the individual lives of characters is great, but really good writing usually requires going beyond that to reflect on broader questions and ideas. Isaac is the only character here that serves that larger purpose.

Sorry...I Just Don’t Buy It

The season 4 finale is crazy, although in a different way from season 3′s.

Varney being Death makes no sense on several different levels. I’m not going to spend a lot of time picking that particular plot twist apart, but I will talk about why I think it doesn’t work at the largest scale, and how I think season 4 might have been done better.

Last minute twists with zero foreshadowing are rarely a good idea, and this is no exception. Why introduce this “Death” entity at the last minute to be the most important battle of the season? The finale of the entire show, even? Besides the lack of logic or emotional buildup, this robs the show of the opportunity to make use of the antagonists that it already has. Since Dracula died, Carmilla has been the obvious choice for a new big bad. Why hasn��t she done more?

Season 4 feels crowded with characters and plot lines that amount to nothing. Why not bring some of these characters together? If Carmilla is the main antagonist, how come she never meets any of the protagonists (except Hector, who is a pretty minor player in this ecosystem) or even affects them in any way?

Season 4 feels like maybe it was trying to make something out of season 3 and the model that it presented, but it ultimately fails to do so. The writers throw the trio back together at the end anyway, so why not have them rejoin sooner and work together? Maybe Sypha and Trevor’s past experience with Saint Germain could have helped Alucard and Greta piece together what he was plotting sooner, rather than all four of them being completely blindsided by it in the penultimate episode. (Sypha and Trevor know that someone is trying to resurrect Dracula, but they fail to find out any actual detail about the plans, despite their supposed attempts.) Have characters actually do stuff, figure stuff out, advance the plot!

Likewise, maybe Carmilla becomes aware of Saint Germain’s scheming, sees it as a threat, and tries to take him down. Maybe she tries to get involved and somehow use alchemy or the Infinite Corridor to her own benefit. What does it look like when power-hungry Carmilla, who wants to rule the world, finds out there’s an entire multiverse out there? That could easily set her up to be a foil to Saint Germain, causing him to realize that what he’s doing is wrong.

What actually ended up happening in the show feels disjointed and often empty. In particular, most of the events that happen in the last two episodes just don’t really work for me. I didn’t like Trevor suddenly sacrificing himself to this random, new, super powerful enemy, or how the gems and dagger that he found just happened to be the perfect weapon to kill this new enemy, or how he inexplicably returns from the dead.

This kind of thing is what I mean when I say that this season feels like fanfiction. Trevor comes back from the dead for no discernible reason other than that it would really suck if he died. Greta as a character seems to literally only exist to be Alucard’s girlfriend and support him so that he doesn’t have to continue to be alone and potentially turn evil. Alucard’s trauma from Taka and Sumi and Hector’s trauma from Lenore are both conveniently erased. Even Dracula and Lisa are resurrected somehow and get their happy ending. And it’s like, I guess I prefer deus ex machina to the opposite (Does that have a name? When everything is going well but then something terrible happens for no reason other than to make things worse for the characters?), but they’re both bad writing.

God. This isn’t even getting into what happened with the Council of Sisters. And I don’t even really like those characters, but that doesn’t mean I want to see their characters handled poorly.

I’m not sorry that I watched until the end, but I can’t in good faith recommend the show as a whole. If you’ve yet to watch Castlevania, just stop at the end of season 2. While there are some shining moments in seasons 3 and 4 (4 more than 3), it’s just really not worth it.

[groves]

anyway i have. a variety of thoughts re: The Last of Us Part II, and i wanna get them out, so beware spoilers below the cut

i don’t wanna go the absolutist route of saying this game was incredible or this game was total bullshit - there were things i liked and things i very much did not

druck has been saying from the very beginning that this game was supposed to be about hate and cycles of violence and what trauma can do to a person and like. listen they achieved their goal with that - that being said, personally, i’m very over torture porn

let’s start with the good, shall we

i loved the gameplay! obviously very reminiscent of the first game, but i like the new add-ons of the ability tree, the new items you could craft, the variety of much bigger, more intricate, and interesting maps was hella fun

holy shit the standing/crouch/prone mechanic was smooth as shit and so much fun. i don’t think i’ve ever played a game where you could go prone like that, let alone with that much ease and versatility. it made a lot of the battles really fun and more versatile than they would have been with just boxes to hide behind

abby’s hair?? i don’t think i’ve ever played a character with hair animated past their shoulders/upper back?? she had a long braid that moved seamlessly as she moved - i’ve always assumed long hair on a player character was something that was deceptively difficult to animate (like characters taking off clothing, which ND were the first to achieve in Thief’s End), so idk if any other tech/animation people can confirm or deny that abby’s hair is kind of an animation breakthrough?

the similarities and differences between ellie and abby’s gameplay based on their strengths/weaknesses, materials, and training was a good touch

i know a lot of people didn’t like her, but abby grew on me a lot. do i love her as much as ellie? not by a long shot, but playing as abby for so long was very effective in driving the theme of cycles of violence home. As in, these are two girls who otherwise would have no reason to be enemies, neither of whom are inherently evil, but they keep doing things to hurt each other and brew this hatred in each other, neither of them feeling like they can stop

i loved a lot of our new cast of characters

i would die for dina, who could have seen that coming

i really liked jesse! i wasn’t sure how i was going to feel after the pregnancy reveal but he was just. super solid the whole time and i appreciated him

yara and lev. my children. “i’ve never heard a scar curse before” “that was my first time” an angel

increased diversity! (which is. a double-edged sword, see below) canonically lesbian ellie, bisexual and jewish dina, trans lev, many more characters of color, you love to see it

listen this is just me being a lesbian talking but despite all the bad it’s just nice to play a canon lesbian with a girlfriend in a mainstream, non-rpg game, okay

the genuine portrayal of trauma, PTSD, and triggers. it was, uh, very hard hitting

JJ. the entire domestic scene at the farm. we’re ignoring the rest of the game, that’s where it ends, happy farm gays and their beautiful baby boy

....and the bad

the obvious one - joel’s death. i went into this game fairly sure he was going to die, but it was just so SOON and abrupt and really didn’t do the character justice. i’m extremely grateful we got to see more of him and ellie through flashbacks, but the literal entire purpose of his death was to traumatize ellie and that’s shitty. he was fridged.

i realize this is a very violent and traumatic game/franchise, and the more minority characters you have, the more likely they are to be victims of that violence. HOWEVER, you can’t help but notice when most of the minority characters are killed, mutilated, or repeatedly traumatized.

killed: jesse, yara, manny, nora, isaac (along with owen, mel, and joel)

mutilated: yara, ellie

repeatedly traumatized: ellie, lev, dina

i love to see a young trans character played by a trans actor, but it would also be nice if his story wasn’t like. entirely about being shunned and targeted bc he’s trans y’know

all of this begs the question of bad/subpar representation vs no representation at all and quite honestly i don’t have an answer to that

i said before that i appreciate the narrative and gameplay risk they took with having you play as abby as almost a deuteragonist, but i missed ellie, who this game was supposed to be about. 

FIGHTING ELLIE?? i died like 5 times bc i was sitting there screaming “i don’t WANT to hurt her??”

again, i appreciate The Point, that neither of them are inherently evil, but have been caught up in this cycle that has made them enemies of each other. ellie has gone down a dark path and lost her way. it was very effective naughty dog i get it okay pls don’t make me hurt my child again

i’m not entirely sure what the point of the seraphites was besides the aesthetic™ tbh

not that anyone’s complaining about the aesthetic™ tho

the whole santa barbara sequence felt. unnecessary and tacked on. again, i get it, ellie choosing to continue the cycle when she could have let it go, but i feel like that also could have been driven home with a little extra time in seattle

finally, the ending:

liked: that ellie didn’t kill abby. by the time we got to the final fight on the beach i very much didn’t want to kill her. the game proved its point. i just wanted her to get to a firefly base with lev and be safe, and break the cycle.

disliked: the seeming hopelessness of ellie’s story? they gave us a crumb with the fact that she was going to try and reconcile her relationship with joel before he was killed, and honestly, i don’t blame dina for leaving, but even a HINT that ellie was going to go find dina and make it up to her and hopefully settle down and have a loving life with her girlfriend and son and recover would have made it so much better. and i guess it could be open to interpretation, but leaving her guitar and all her artwork of her family doesn’t paint a pretty picture.

overall, i had a fun time playing it for the most part, but it’s left me feeling sad and mournful and hurting. which, again, might be the point. but if it is, i don’t like that point very much.

[ellewritesathing]

So Close - S.S. X

Summary: The universe has a funny way of putting the things you want right in front of you, but just out of reach. Stiles and Y/N have been best friends ever since Scott brought him home, but when Stiles realizes that he might want to be something other than best friends, she leaves to go to some fancy private school up North. Now that she’s back though … maybe he’s got a shot? A Teen Wolf AU in which the reader has always been so close to Stiles and yet so far.

Prologue - S2E1 Part 1 - S2E2 + S2E3 Part 2 - S2E4 + S2E5 + S2E6 Part 3 -  S2E7 +S2E8 Part 4 - S2E9 + S2E10 Part 5 - S2E11 + S2E12 Part 6 Part 7 - S3AE1 Part 8 - S3AE2 + S3AE3 Part 9 - S3AE4 Part 10 - S3AE5 + S3AE6

Word-count: 4.7k+

A/N: Motel California is one of my least favourite Teen Wolf episodes, but I hope you guys still enjoy what I did with it! Feedback and criticism is always welcome :) 

This year was supposed to be different. Scott was getting his life together. The Argents weren't hunting anymore. Derek wasn't turning anyone else. Erica and Boyd were coming home. Different. Better. But it had been less than a month and if anything had changed, it was for the worst. 

Scott wasn’t healing from his injury. The Argents were keeping secrets from each other. Derek was dead. Erica was dead. Different. Worse. And the fact that the bus was approaching a literal storm on the horizon felt more like another bad omen than just another bump in the road on the way to a crappy cross-country meet. 

“Stop thinking about it, man.” You turned in your seat when you heard Isaac’s voice so that you were leaning up against the window and had a clear view of him and Boyd. 

“Like you’re not thinking about it, too?” Boyd asked. 

“Yeah, well, we’ll both stop thinking about it.” You rolled your eyes as you listened to Isaac speak. 

“I can’t.” 

“Look, it’s not like any of us can do anything about it,” you said, looking past Boyd to where Ethan sat with Danny. “It’s a little bus.” 

“You sure about that?” Boyd asked. 

Your phone buzzed in your pocket so you motioned for them to talk it out while you checked the message. It was from Lydia.

‘Allison is two cars behind the bus and we’re running out of gas.’ 

‘Just stop for gas. It’s not like you don’t know where we’re going.’

You turned back to Boyd and Isaac but your phone buzzed again. 

‘You don’t think I tried that? She doesn’t want to lose you guys.’ 

You rolled your eyes and shared your location with her. 

‘There. Get gas and just track my location, weirdos.’ ‘I love you, by the way. It’s sweet that you’re worried.’ 

---

“The two of you, back in your seats!” Coach yelled. You ducked into the seat in front of Scott and Stiles, flashing the girl next to you an apologetic smile. “Jared, again? Carsick? Ever ti- Why do you even get on the bus? McCall, not you, too!”

“No, Coach, I’m good.” Scott’s voice was raspy as he answered and he looked like he was going to puke. 

“You’re still not healing?” You leaned over the seat to get a better look. 

“I don’t know. Does he still bleed if he’s healing?” Stiles asked sarcastically and you glared at him. He stammered out an apology and you looked back to Scott with a much softer expression. 

“He’s listening,” Scott said, looking over to Ethan. 

“Then can he hear me telling him to-” 

“Stiles, not now.” You looked over your shoulder at Ethan. “Is he gonna do something?”

“Not in front of this many people,” Scott said. He closed his eyes again, probably in an effort not to be sick. 

“Okay, well, what about the two ticking time bombs sitting right near him?” Stiles asked, pointing at Isaac and Boyd a few seats in front.

You shook your head. “They’re angry but they’re not that dumb … I hope.” Isaac’s head tilted as you spoke, obviously listening to your conversation. You mumbled an apology for him.

“And what if they are? What are we gonna do?” Stiles asked, talking more to Scott than you. “Are you gonna stop them?”

“If I have to,” Scott answered, nodding slightly. 

“I don’t think it’ll come to that,” you said. Scott winced as the bus went over a pothole. “Hey, are you okay? I can ask Coach to stop the bus.” 

Scott shook his head. “Alpha wounds take longer to heal.” 

“Yeah, I know that. But Isaac and Boyd are fine. You should be too.” You leaned over to feel his forehead. 

“Mom, I’m fine. Promise.” He had this annoying little smile on his face as he held onto your wrist. 

“Yeah, must be if you’re making jokes like that,” you said and pulled your hand back.

Eventually, the bus rolled to a stop behind about a million other cars on the highway. A traffic jam. Just great. You were too busy being moody to notice what was going on with Boyd in front, but you stood up when Scott struggled to his feet. 

“Boyd, he’s gonna do something,” he said. You nodded and helped him into the aisle. Stiles grabbed your hand before you could follow Scott to the front. 

“Stiles, not now,” you said for the second time in the past hour. You shook off his hand and took another step forward, but he grabbed your arm again and pulled you closer. 

“Will you just sit down?” Stiles asked. “He needs this.” 

“Let go of me.” 

Stiles let go and you took a breath. “He needs a win after- after Derek, okay?” 

You walked past him and slumped into what used to be Scott’s seat. Stiles slid in next to you with a stupid grin on his face. “Ah, atta-girl,” he teased and you glared at him. “You spend way too much time with the Hales, by the way.” 

---

After Stiles harassed Danny and found out that Ennis might live through the night, the mood somehow got more relaxed and double as tense. You hoped that meant Derek was alive as well, but you were too scared to admit it. As if saying it out loud would jinx it.

“Now the rest of you,” Coach said when he was done traumatizing Jared. “Don’t think we’re gonna miss this meet because of a slight traffic jam, or the minor tornado warning, or Jared. We’re gonna make this thing! Nothing's gonna stop us! Stilinski, put your hand down!” 

“You know, there’s a food exit like half a mile up. I don’t know if we stop and then maybe traffic-” Stiles’ plan didn’t sound half bad but Coach wasn’t having any of it. 

“We’re not gonna stop.”

“Okay, but if we stop-” 

“Stilinski!” Coach blew his whistle. The werewolves of the bus looked like they were going to cover their ears, but you figured that was just because of the sound ricocheting off every surface in the bus. “Shut it! Seriously! It’s a little bus! Stop asking me questions!” 

“I hate him,” Stiles said as he leaned back in his seat. “That man is like an impenetrable wall of-”

“Jared gets carsick,” you pointed out. Stiles looked over at you and you gave him a small shrug. “It would be a real shame if he got sick and we had to pull over to clean the bus. We'd be delayed at least an hour …”

“Yeah, a real shame,” Stiles said, beginning to get a sly smile on his face. 

“A crying shame, even.”

“Oh no.” Scott came back looking like he wished he’d stayed in the front with Boyd and Isaac. “I hate it when you two look at each other like that. The last time that happened, I sprained my ankle!” 

“Yeah, but did you die?” Stiles asked. “No? Then shut up. We’ve got a plan.”

“No way. You’re not harassing some poor kid!”

“You don’t even know who we're harassing!”

“Scott, you're not healing,” you said, looking at him with pleading eyes. “Please, just sit down and let us handle this.”

“But-”

“Please?”

Scott took a deep breath and sat down, though it looked more like he just collapsed into the seat. You leaned down to kiss his head when you and Stiles got up. 

“Thank you.” You gave him a smile before taking your phone out of your pocket and handing it to him. “Call Lydia and tell her we’re going to stop.” 

“They’re in Beacon Hills. What’s that gonna help?” Scott asked. 

“They’ve been two cars down since we left. Nice to see that nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses, huh?” You rolled your eyes and followed Stiles up to the front. He was already distracting Coach, so you slid into the seat next to Jared. 

---

Scott stumbled out of the bus and Lydia and Allison were both there to help drag him to the bathroom. He was bleeding through his shirt and it kind of made you want to throw up. 

“Woah, woah, woah. What are you doing?” Stiles asked just before you crossed the bathroom threshold. 

“Saving my brother. What are you doing?”

“You need to stay out here with Isaac and Boyd.” Stiles kept talking over your protests. “You’re the only one of us they like! They’ll listen to you, okay? Look, you know I won’t let anything happen to Scott. I promise. No matter what." 

You took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. “No matter what.”

Stiles squeezed your shoulder before dashing in after the others. You turned to regroup with Boyd and Isaac but they weren’t that interested in what was happening to Scott. They just kept glaring at the twins. 

You turned away for a few minutes to leave Melissa an update, and when you got back the two of them were gone. Isaac was beating the crap out of Ethan and Boyd was just letting it happen. You rushed over but Isaac didn’t hear you screaming for him to stop, and he didn’t care when you tried to push him back. 

You managed to knock him down and then rushed to Ethan to make sure he was okay. Your hands were holding his face and you barely heard his ‘watch out’ before you saw Isaac stand again. He pulled his arm back to hit Ethan again, and you pulled him close to you, hoping that at the very least Isaac wouldn’t hit so hard if you were wrapped around the guy he was punching. 

When the punch didn’t land, you took slow breaths and looked up. Scott had snapped Isaac out of it, and you were made distinctly aware of how close you were to someone who helped kill one of your best friends. You pushed yourself away and crawled back until you felt arms catch under your shoulders and pull you up. You clung haphazardly Stiles when you were on your feet. 

“Thanks,” you said breathlessly. 

“Anytime.” He moved a piece of hair out of your face and tucked it behind your ear. You thought he was going to kiss you, but you both snapped out of it when Coach told Ethan to get cleaned up because you were leaving in five minutes. 

You both walked over to the group, and you tugged on Scott’s sleeve to get his attention. You took him to sit on the benches so you could talk. 

“You know it’s not your fault, right?” you asked cautiously. Scott didn’t answer. “It’s not your fault Derek’s dead.” 

“You don’t know what happened that night.” 

“No,” you exhaled. “But Isaac told me that he had to pull you off of the edge because it looked like you were gonna jump off after him. I- I’m not arguing with you; I probably would’ve backflipped off that ledge if I thought it would make a difference. But, Scotty ... no one blames you for what happened.” 

“I blame me for what happened,” he said. “Everything that’s happened. Allison’s mom, Erica, Derek, the sacri-” 

“None of that is your fault.” You held his face in your hands to make him look at you. “And you can’t keep yourself from healing because you don’t think you deserve to.” 

“That’s not what I’m doing.” 

“Could’ve fooled me.” Scott looked away from you again and you sighed. “Derek cared about you. So did Erica, believe it or not. They wouldn’t want you dead.” You got up and held your hand out to him. “I don’t want you dead.” 

Scott didn’t say anything, but he took your hand and followed you back on the bus. Allison asked if she could sit next to him, so you were left looking for a place to sit. Danny was out because he was with Ethan; Isaac and Boyd were paired up and, honestly, you were kind of avoiding them; and Lydia and Stiles were together. You ended up finding a random seat and hoping the drive wouldn’t drag on too long.

--- 

The bus came to a stop in front of possibly the seediest motel you’d ever seen. You stepped out and shared a worried look with Scott while Coach gave the group a talk. The more you looked at the motel, the more you knew you didn't want to be there. 

“Listen up,” Coach started. “The meet’s been pushed till tomorrow. This is the closest motel with the most vacancies and the least amount of good judgment when it comes to accepting a bunch of degenerates like yourselves. You’ll pairing up. Choose wisely.” 

Pretty much everyone who paired up on the bus started looking at each other, so you made your way over to Scott, slipping your hand in his. “Hey, big brother who I love and adore most ardently,” you said with the biggest smile you could muster up. “Don’t suppose you wanna share a room with me?” 

“Woah, Scott, no. If you’re with her, then where am I gonna sleep?” Stiles asked. 

“You can share my bed,” Scott offered with a small shrug. 

“I’ll just sleep on the floor. Thanks.” 

You rolled your eyes and pushed them forward to grab the keys. You caught Isaac’s eye and smiled at him, hoping he got the mental ‘it’s okay, we’ll talk later’ message you sent and wouldn’t confront you about what happened earlier. 

The room didn’t inspire much confidence but you pushed through. Scott asked who wanted to shower first and you shuddered. “I’m gonna check on Lydia. She didn’t seem too happy about being here,” you said. 

You found Lydia outside her and Allison’s room, heading off to get new towels from the front. Allison was already showering. She looked pretty tense and you bumped her arm lightly. 

“Lyd, what’s up? You’ve been kinda weird since we stopped,” you said gently. 

“It’s just …” You watched her look around, like she was trying to find inspiration to word what she needed to say. “You weren’t here when I had a psychotic break and wandered around the woods for three days, but you were here when I had my second psychotic break and brought Peter back from the dead. And it feels like that. Like something horrible is going to happen tonight.” 

“Yeah, I have that feeling too,” you admitted. “Though I don’t think tonight’s the best night for a naked stroll in the woods, do you?” 

That made her laugh and shove you lightly, but the few moments of lightness vanished as soon as you stepped into the reception area. You watched her interact with the owner, and then when Lydia froze, looking at the number on the wall, you asked what it meant. 

“It’s a kind of inside thing for the motel. My husband insists on keeping it up,” the lady explained. You held Lydia’s hand as she went on. “It’s a little morbid, to be honest.” 

She told you that the Glen Capri had the highest number of suicides in all the motels in California. Lydia’s grip on your hand brought you back to reality, so you hurried out a thank you and rushed yourself and Lydia out of there. 

“You forgot your towels!” 

The two of you told Allison what you found out as soon as you were back in the room and she was dressed. All she asked is if you were sure that it was 198.  

“Yes, and we’re talking over 40 years,” Lydia said. “On average, that’s … 4.95 a year, which is …” 

“In this place? Kind of expected,” you mumbled. 

“Yeah, but who commemorates that with a framed number?” Lydia almost yelled. You put your hands up in surrender and she rolled her eyes, motioning for you to move closer again.

“Wait, and they’re all suicides?” Allison asked. 

Lydia told her that, yeah, they were all suicides and went on to describe a few different ways in which these suicides could have happened. But then she stopped. She was listening to something. 

You looked over at Allison before leaning in closer and moving some of her hair out of the way. “Hey, Lyd, you okay? We don’t have to stay here if you-” 

She got up and moved closer to the air vent, still listening, before turning around to face you and Allison. “The two people in the other room- they just shot each other. You didn’t hear that?”

You shook your head and Lydia pushed past you and ran next door, you and Allison following behind. The door was unlocked but you didn’t see anything when Lydia switched the light on. It was being renovated. You felt your heart rate slow down. 

“It had to be right here,” Lydia said. She told you guys what she heard and Allison promised that she believed her. Lydia walked painstakingly slowly towards the wall, but you and Allison managed to take her back to the room. “There is something seriously wrong with this place,” she told you when the door was closed.

“But they were suicides, not murders,” Allison said. “And it’s not like this place is haunted, right?” 

“I think that depends on your definition of haunted,” you said. 

Lydia agreed with you. “I bet that couple made their suicide pact in that very room. Maybe that’s why they’re renovating; maybe they’ve been scraping brain matter off the wooden paneling.”

“Maybe we should find out,” Allison said. Lydia reluctantly agreed and they started walking out. “Y/N, you coming?” 

“Uh, yeah.” You nodded, drumming your hand on your leg. “I just want to grab Stiles first. He’s pretty good with this stuff.” 

“Okay, yeah. Meet you back here in like five minutes?” Allison asked. 

You nodded and watched the two of them round the corner before going to find Stiles. You barged into the room to find Scott staring out the window, and for a split second when he turned to look at you, you could have sworn his eyes were red. 

“Hey, Scott, you okay?” Stiles asked, walking out of the bathroom. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Scott mumbled. He looked at you. “Uh, everything okay with Lydia?” 

“Yeah, I just need to borrow Stiles for a second,” you lied. Something was up with him. “The shower’s not draining right and he took that plumbing job like two years ago so maybe he could help.” 

“Stiles got fired from-” 

“Yeah, thanks!” You grabbed Stiles and pulled him out of the room, motioning for him to be quiet until you got back to Allison’s room. 

---

“The last time I saw Scott act like that was during the full moon,” Allison said. 

“Yeah, I know. He was definitely a little off with me too,” Stiles agreed. “But actually, it was Boyd who was really off. I watched him put his fist through the vending machine.”

“See? It is the motel,” Lydia argued. 

“But Isaac wouldn’t back down with Ethan earlier.” You shook your head, sounding unsure. “That’s not like him.”

“Still. Either we need to get out of here right now-” Lydia opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out the bible “-or someone needs to learn how to an exorcism ASAP before the werewolves go crazy and kill us.” 

“Okay, just hold on, alright?” Stiles said. “What if it’s not just the motel? The number in the office went up by three, right?”

“You mean like three sacrifices?” Allison asked. 

“What if this time it’s three werewolves?” Stiles asked. “Scott, Isaac, and Boyd. Maybe we were meant to come here.” 

“Exactly!” Lydia exclaimed. “So can we get the hell out of here now? Please?” 

Stiles looked at the bible in her hands and frowned. He moved to take it from her. “Hang on, let me see this,” he said. You looked over his shoulder and squinted at the newspaper clippings.

“Are those-” you started. 

“The articles on the people who killed themselves,” he interrupted, dumping all the clippings on the bed. 

“If all the rooms have bibles-” 

“There could be articles in all of the rooms.” Lydia was the one who interrupted you this time. She mentioned the couple she heard next door again, but stopped when you heard a noise coming from the room and Stiles ran out, all of you following behind. The door was locked.

“That was not locked before!” Lydia yelled. 

“It sounds like someone turned on the handsaw,” Allison said. You and her shared a look before pushing Lydia back and kicking in the door. Stiles rushed in and found Ethan holding the handsaw dangerously close to his stomach. The two of them wrestled it out; the handsaw eventually tossed to the side, Ethan shoved backwards into the heater, and Stiles tripping over the wire and almost decapitating himself of the machine. 

You rushed forward and pulled him away, holding him in your arms for a second before the two of you scrambled to your feet. Ethan was getting up again. He stormed out and the four of you chased after him. 

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?” he snapped when you reached the stairs. “I don’t know how I got there or what I was doing.” 

“Okay, you could be a little more helpful, you know?” Stiles told him. “We did just save your life.” 

“And you probably shouldn’t have,” Ethan said, retreating back to his room. 

“Guys, I’m gonna go find Isaac,” you said, not really paying attention to them. “We’ve seen all the wolves since we got here but no one’s seen him.” 

Allison nodded. “Yeah, and I’ll find Scott. You two get Boyd.” 

Isaac and Boyd’s room looked empty when you got inside, but you could hear something. The faint sound of crying and some scratching noise. It was under the bed. 

“Isaac?” you called gently. The noise stopped. You crouched down and looked under the bed. Isaac’s frightened eyes stared up at you. “Hey, buddy, we’re gonna get you out of there, okay?” You reached your hand in and he crawled further back. You heard water running and hit your head on the bed when you looked up to see who it was. Boyd. With a gigantic safe in his arms. “Boyd, what are you doing?” 

You followed him into the bathroom but it was like he didn’t even register that you were there … until you tried to wrestle the safe out of his arms. Then he looked you dead in the eyes before flinging you into the bathroom wall. 

You groaned and your vision blurred, but you could still make Boyd out as he got into the water and placed the safe over his chest. Stiles and Lydia rushed in and tried to help but to no avail. Lydia told Stiles to get the road flares from the bus - they work underwater and could snap Boyd out of it, if he got it in time.

You dashed back into the room and fumbled through the nightstand. Lydia asked what you were doing but you didn’t have time to answer. When you found the lighter, you dropped to the floor and reached under the bed. You switched it on and shoved the flame into Isaac’s face. He woke up and grabbed the lighter from you, looking confused. 

“Y/N, what the hell are you-” 

“I’ll explain later! Right now, you’ve gotta help me,” you said, dragging him out from under the bed. Stiles was back with the road flare and he managed to wake up Boyd before you got there. 

Isaac pulled you out of the way when Boyd launched the safe across the bathroom as he sat up. You mumbled a thank you and waited for your heart to slow down. But then you remembered something. Scott.

You raced out, almost crashing into Allison. “I can’t find Scott anywhere,” she told you, panic in her eyes. 

“It’s happening to him too, isn’t it?” Stiles asked. 

“What do you think? Three out of four werewolves seem to have it.” The words tumbled out of your mouth without thinking, but thankfully Lydia was talking so you didn’t have long to dwell on it. 

“Uh, guys?” Lydia pointed out to where the bus was stopped. Scott was standing in front of it, doused in gasoline and holding a flare in his hands. You moved to run over but Stiles caught your wrist. The situation needed a more delicate approach than tackling him. 

“There’s no hope,” he said when you all stopped in front of him. He sounded defeated. 

“What do you mean, Scott?” Allison asked. “There’s always hope.” 

“Not for me,” he said. “Not for Derek.” 

“Derek wasn’t your fault,” she said. 

“Every time I try to fight back, it just gets worse. People keep getting hurt.” It was like Scott couldn’t even hear Allison, so you decided to try to get closer to him. If you could get the flare out of his hand … “People keep getting killed.” 

“Scott, listen to me, okay?” Stiles begged. He was taking steps closer right with you. “This isn’t you, alright? There is someone inside your head telling you to do this. Okay? Now-” 

“What if it isn’t?” Scott asked. “What if it’s just me? What if doing this is actually the best thing I could do for everyone else?”

“It’s not,” you promised. Talking was enough of a distraction that he let you step into his gasoline puddle. 

“It all started that night. The night I got bitten. You remember the way it was before that?” Scott had turned to Stiles now. “You and me, we were- we were nothing. We weren’t popular. We weren’t good at lacrosse. We weren’t important. We were no one … Maybe I should just be no one again. No one at all.” 

“Scott, just listen to me, okay?” Stiles repeated. “You’re not no one, okay? You’re someone, you’re- Scott, you’re my best friend. Okay? And I need you. Scott, you’re my brother. Alright, so …” He stepped into the puddle of gasoline. “So if you’re gonna do this, then …” He put his hand around the flare. “I think you’re just gonna have to take me with you. Alright?” 

“What he said,” you smiled gently. “I love you, Scott. And I’m not letting you do this by yourself.” 

Scott was crying, and you grabbed the flare out of his hand as he collapsed onto Stiles. You threw the flare to Allison, but she was distracted and fumbled. You heard it clatter to the ground and then Lydia screaming. The next thing you knew, Lydia and Allison had knocked the three of you down and the gasoline went up in flames. 

And from those flames emerged one of the most horrifying things you’d ever seen: the Darach.

--- 

You knocked on Isaac and Boyd’s door and started talking as soon as they answered. “There is no way that I’m sleeping in this crappy motel,” you told them. “The rest of us are sleeping on the bus, you in?” 

The agreed and you walked them to the bus. Things were still tense because half of you were dealing with almost killing yourselves, and the other half was dealing with trying to stop it, but they were better. You’d changed shoes and Scott was washing the gasoline off in the shower. Isaac and Boyd slumped into adjacent bus benches and you saw Lydia and Allison were already snuggled up under a jacket and asleep. You sighed and sat down, waiting for Scott to come back. 

“You don’t look too comfortable,” Stiles said, hopping over the seat in front of you and to get to the window seat on your bench. 

“Mmm. Waiting up for Scott,” you mumbled. “How long does it take to get gasoline out of your hair?” 

“Uh, in my experience it’s easier to just shave it off. Not a real hit with the ladies but effective.” You laughed and leaned into him. He was warm. 

“That why you grew it out? Hoping to get more attention from the girls?” 

“Nah.” He gently moved some hair that had fallen over your face when you moved under his arm. “Just the attention from one.” 

“And how's that working out for you?” You were playing with the drawstrings of his hoodie. 

“Not as well as I hoped, but I’m hanging in there.” 

You must have fallen asleep in Stiles’ arms, because you woke up with the two of you covered by Scott’s jacket and Coach yelling. Scott had been asleep on the bench in front of you. 

“I don’t want to know,” Coach told you all. “I really don’t want to know. But in case you missed the announcement: The meet’s canceled, so we’re going home. Pack it in!”