#isabellea norcliffe

[skgway]

1820 Nov., Fri. 17

8 1/2

1 20/60

Almost two hours tête-à-tête with V [Miss Vallance] before Tib came down to breakfast. Great deal of conversation about the topics of Wednesday and yesterday. She said it was nine years since she was connected with her first lover, and it was never but once. This one unguarded moment, this one fault, she had repented truly and unceasingly. 

She had indeed done wrong then, but was she not doing wrong now? In another case it was punished with death. I said I understood her. Argued about my consistency, my nature, the early bent of my inclination. In general, in doing wrong we felt conscious. She is uncertain now. 

I said that to me the wrong I felt seemed to arise [from] the circumstances of my being so entirely engaged, much more engaged than she was. Persuaded as I was that her match would never take place – I have more than once mused within myself, is she artful or not? Is she deep and wary? Or simple and guileless, quite. The fourth kiss of Wed[nesday] night was from gratitude. Yet it was given easily – 

Mrs. N– [Norcliffe] returned from York, and arrived about 3 – In the afternoon and evening wrote of my journal from the word ‘finis’ page 195 to page 198 and should have finished Thursday, but for being interrupted by Mrs. N [Norcliffe] to puzzle over her accounts.

Ca[me] upst[air]s at 11 1/2 not long with V [Miss Vallance] but long enough to say in brief that Tib and I after V [Miss Vallance] left her own room after dinner had had a rowe there about drinking so much wine – Tib was very violent after she came into bed at night. We renewed the conversation, and she was a good deal more violent than before. More so than I have seen her ever since their return from abroad.

I stood by the fire talking very calmly, I dare say, an hour while she was in bed repeating what I had said before – She still swore by all that was sacred she never took more than five glasses a day; one at luncheon, one at supper, one at dinner, and two after. I repeated that I could if I chose mention a time (alluding to when she was last at Shibden) when for several days she not only took more than five, but more than six or seven glasses.

She called God and all the angels of Heaven to witness it was a lie, and wished herself at the devil if it was not false as hell. I still quietly persisted that I knew the thing to be fact. She declared it an infamous lie. That I would not mention the time when, and place where, because I could [not]. 

I asked if she would not believe me on my word. She said no, and again and again gave me the lie direct. I said I would not say or suspect that she could be guilty of deliberate falsehood, but I knew I was right, and supposed she had taken the wine inadvertently and was consequently mistaken in her assertion that she had not done it. I told her a gre[a]t many home truths. 

When the convers[ation] ceased I began to curl and get into bed. She was soon snoring and we never spoke after my getting into bed – Rainy Day –