#it is almost time for sleep and yet
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I have made. Another comic. I took a very, very long time, as usual lmao. I originally got inspired to make this after watching through Arcane cuz. Nicely done media makes me want to make things and all that. And, at that time, I'd sent Narinder out on a mission trip in my new save and he came home full of existential dread (I have terrible luck with Narinder on missions therefore so does QPR AU Lambert I guess lol), and it had occurred to me that that would make an interesting premise for a comic maybe?? Turns out it did.
I think I'm happy with this?? The perfectionist in me is not, and to be honest I think I could've drawn a lot of things better and also I think this would read better if it felt a little slower... but also it's 13 pages long so I can't fault myself all that much. I do wish I had spent more time on some of these interactions, particularly between Lambert and the Goat and also between Narinder and his siblings, I have a lot of thoughts about the Bishops post their joining the cult but I haven't had a ton of time to really like... flesh out those ideas as much as I would like to. Maybe someday?? Idk.
Semi-related, while this comic gave me a lot of thoughts about the Bishops it also gave me a lot of thoughts about like, the exact like, I guess boundaries and terms of Narinder and Lambert's QPR, and also about what exactly happened to Narinder while he was out, and he's not lying a lot did happen but that's a little too long to just throw in the description here so maybe future me will describe it somewhere or something. This comic also got me thinking about Webber a fair bit, and once day I will expand upon those thoughts but not today, I have outside activities today lol
Anyways. This comic, like all my art, is not perfect, but it was fun to make and I spent too long on it for nobody to see it, so... enjoy!!
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl#cotl fanart#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl goat#cotl shamura#cotl kallamar#cotl webber#(not tagging heket or leshy cuz they're there but they don't really do anything in this one)#cotl narilamb#cotl au#the yet untitled qpr narilamb au#maybe that should be the official tag. but anyways. it's back#theres a lot of random silliness going in in the background of this one?? particularly during the meeting when everyone's bored#i almost forgot to tag webber. he's here he's having a great time. living his best spidery life#also i almost forgot about leshy sleeping through the meeting but every time i think about it it makes me laugh a little#anyways. tag rambles over. i hope yall like this comic
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The Dan in the Shrek shirt and hat is giving “we were being silly and soft still in our pjs in the hotel room” vibes like he looks like he just woke up 😭🥺
lightly tousled for sure. a lil squinty a little flirty a little ruffled. definitely part of how they recovered from jet lag
#picture it. theyre staying up late to make sure they fall asleep at the 'right' time so it doesnt fuck them up#so theyre playing silly nonsense games with each other in the hotel room#so tired theyre almost drunk on it#and its cowboy hats and getting married and the future isn't so scary anymore#but its just them and no one knows theyre on this side of the planet yet#its like their little secret#one on top of so many that they share#and theyre both laughing and snorting and neither of them can breathe#that feeling when youre so tired your legs stop working. but they cant sleep! not allowed. & dan also isnt supposed to crush the cowboy hat#and dans in colour so phils happy. and phils wearing his glasses so dans happy. and they get to just. be.#- damn i am *sappy* tonight huh#dnp#c.text#dan and phil#phan#answered#dnptit
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magenta smoothie 4 breakfast, vibrant vase of tulips 4 my gf, black dragon dog 4 sharing the couch with, and a big stack of notebooks 4 writing
#i love my life <333#how’s everyone’s morning going?#trying to Take Care in the midst of this nightmare that is the united states#the grief is never ending !!!!!!!!#but i am trying very very very hard not to let despair win#and so i made a smoothie#w lots and lots of mango and pineapple and a couple huge sweet cherries#and i’m tucking myself away to write and knit for the day without expectation#i’m not even dressed yet and it’s almost 9:30#i got sleep like real sleep for the first time in a week last night too#and so i’m feeling a little better abt resting so much#the ptsd has been pretty rough recently#in that way where i’m replaying my worst memories on a screen in my head and can’t stop it#it demands my attention unless i’m watching tv and knitting and reading all at once LOL#like turning everything off and facing it while lying down trying to sleep is . harrowing#it’s awful#BUT i knocked myself out w sleep meds last night and woke up feeling a lot more capable of regulating after a week of staying up until 4:30#so#i’d say things are on the up and up#we got a pretty little silver dusting of new snow again last night#and the SUN is out!!!!#big blue sky#no thick gray cloud blanket to speak of#anyway if you read all this for some reason#tell me how your morning has been#in my comments or dms or asks#i’d really love to know :)#love you!!#personal
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I've been obsessively playing Fantasy Life i....
I might be a little bit too enamored with the angler hat (thank you for letting me use its appearance on any job i want without losing stats. that's a pro-fun move game. thank you).
#fantasy life i#hello its salmon with the kidney bean hair and fluorite eyes#and a fish hat please dont forget the fish hat#can you believe ive put 30 hours into this game already cause i have#granted ! today was almost ALL storms until like an hour ago and i didnt have to work today#so a lot of this morning was spent cuddled in my sleeping bag playing fantasy life#now you might ask me oh so you must have made lots of progress yeah? you must be pretty far 30 hrs in?#no i suck leave me alone im here for a fun time not a good time#im really bad at video games but i like when you get to go mining or fishing or craft stuff#like i joked in the 14th fantasy finale that my main job was miner#i love the clink clink clink ...#that said yeah hey whats up duglas is my best friend its so fine im bringing it into combat#he probably hates the combat but its fine he helps me mine at every spot possible .....#i have unlocked everything Life wise except artist bc i cant yet#im so close to unlocking it though ! i just take lots of plot breaks to go do ... other stuff
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For the longest time, the quintessential song describing Apollo's wrath and consequent murder of Coronis for me was Marah in the Mainsail's 'Your Work isn't Done'.
It's dark. It's seething. Its image of Fate pushing the scorned speaker to complete his foul, terrible work of killing the man who stole his lover away from him is particularly powerful and it's always evoked this gruesomely tragic evolution of a glassy eyed Apollo stumbling through the streets, weak-legged and trembling from the betrayal growning more and more wrathful 'til he can think of no other course than to aim his bow and shoot. The price of betraying his trust is death and Coronis betrayed so much more than just his trust by taking Ischys as her lover.
The song itself captures that sensation of building wrath so well too. From the lonely guitar and vocals at the beginning which evoke this lonely, stripped back but distant grief to the way the singer is practically screaming his refrain of "Your work here isn't done" by the end, accompanied by the full blasting of instruments and an omnious chorus at his side, everything about this song is centered around building stakes, building realisations, building tensions and it creates this feeling of the speaker growing closer and closer with each new verse and chorus that adds to his anger.
There's also the absolute treasure trove of lyrics that work so well for specifically this tale. A brief overview of some of my favourites include;
- There's a crow overhead singing "Oh, Death is my friend."
- And though you think your time has come, the wheels of Fate have spun. Death has declared your work here isn't done.
- There's a girl on my heart safe ashore in her lover's arms
There's just such a vivid image to be drawn here - of Apollo's emotions being swallowed by his rage, of his resolve to end everything the more he bears witness to Coronis' brazen affair. There's even a strong female voice in the first two verses which seem to egg the speaker on in his spiral - a perfect opening to include Artemis who wishes for her brother to hunt that which brought him such pain alongside her. An Artemis who reinforces just what Coronis has done, an Artemis who does not want her brother to repress his anger after such grave an insult just because love was once there.
To me, it was perfect. Apollo's killing of Coronis was a crime of passion, an execution he sometimes cannot even bring himself to commit according to who is telling the tale. It's a wretched situation, harrowing, suffocating and cruel but if not by Apollo's hands, Coronis would simply die by another's. She cannot live after what she has done. The gods simply would not allow it.
AND THEN MY BIAS WAS COMPLETELY WRECKED BY LORD HURON.
Now, let it be known, I am a huge Lord Huron fan. Strange Trails is perhaps the most Apollo-coded album I've ever heard and songs like Yawning Grave and The Balancer's Eye capture such a visceral, gorgeous portrait of cosmic grief and anger that they haven't really left my brain since I first listened to them. Still, 'Setting Sun' from their Lonesome Dream album completely flew under my radar. Maybe it's because the commercial version is so much snappier than the Alive from Whispering Pines recording, maybe it's because I just hadn't listened to Lord Huron's discography in a while but my god. My god.
This song has it all; a quiet menace in its music, a strong male singer who sounds only barely restrained, an absolute HOST of lyrics that are so wonderfully perfect for the scenario -- after getting over how wonderful the song itself is, I immediately dethroned Your Work isn't Done because ultimately, 'Setting Sun' has something in abundance that 'Your Work isn't Done' minimised in order to focus on the wrath driving the song forward.
And that's love.
Setting Sun is so powerful because it's not just a revenge ballad - it's a dirge, a breakup song, a lament, a regret manifesto. So many times during the song, the speaker wonders when his lover stopped loving him. He recounts intimate moments and wonders if his lover was thinking of the other man when she was enjoying herself, wonders if anything she'd said was even real. And I love that so, so much.
Ultimately, Apollo adored Coronis. As inevitable as her death was, he regretted every second of it. No matter how angry, no matter how betrayed, no matter how intensely he was shamed, he still loved her. He weeps for her when she dies, he screams and grieves and cries when he's faced with her corpse. In some tales, no matter the cocktail of emotion driving him, he simply cannot bring himself to kill her. He'd rather cry in Artemis' arms and take his anger out on his own servant than hurt her. His own father has to dispatch Ischys since Apollo can't even bring himself to hurt that which Coronis once loved. Of course, in this case, Apollo's going to kill someone but the point is, it's not a decision of pure anger so much as its this complicated, horrible mix of resolve and lost love.
And my god does Setting Sun capture this conflict, passion, grief and love so well. UGH, I'm vibrating just thinking about it -- there are so many points where I hear its lyrics and can vividly picture Apollo, jaw clenched looking Coronis in her eyes and quietly confronting her.
Coronis, returning home at twilight after spending the day with Ischys to Apollo stringing his bow, "Oh? Is he ready to die for you baby? No, but you know I would."
Coronis lying to him about who she's spent her time with and Apollo's soft, near pained, "Does it hurt when you lie to me? If you asked, I would set you free."
I even really love the image of a Coronis who runs away from Apollo upon realising what will soon happen, not to escape his arrows but to warn Ischys who does not know what will happen. Of Apollo getting into his stance, taking aim at them and gathering his strength as the final refrains rings out "I know I'll never reclaim your love and that's as hard as it gets, so I'll be taking a life when the sun sets."
Other favourite lines of mine include;
- Oh, is he ready to die for you baby, now that the deed is done?
- Tell me when did I lose your love? Was it him you were thinking of?
- And I could never betray your love, you had me heart and soul. You might never have known it girl, but I was all yours.
And ultimately, I just like this conflicted portrait of premeditated murder much more than the crime of passion 'Your Work isn't Done' paints. Crimes of passion - especially when Apollo is concerned - are tragic in their own right, but in Coronis' case, I think I prefer it so much more when there's no way for Apollo's action to be misconstrued for anything other than what it is, especially since he goes on to cut Asclepius from his mother's corpse then carry on with building her funeral pyre. I think there's something so much more impacting about Apollo being unable to hide away from Coronis' blood on his hands and him having to raise Asclepius with those selfsame hands.
Love of the mortal does not supercede the responsibility of the divine. If Coronis' sentence no matter what is death, who better to lead her gently to the knife than he who still loves her?
#ginger rambles#apollo#greek mythology#In conclusion: GO LISTEN TO SETTING SUN AND YOUR WORK ISN'T DONE#I know people generally think stories where a god kills a mortal are always tragic because the mortal dies#but in this case - to me - this is tragic because Coronis has put Apollo in a hell of a situation#like one of the worst ones ever#Apollo HAD to have known Coronis was cheating on him for a long time#why else would he have left the crow to look after her when that's not something he's done for any other lover?#Not even Hyacinthus who was ACTIVELY being courted by like two other people including another god#Just imagining him looking the other way for months on end because he loves her and she technically hasn't slept with Ischys yet#so he's content to let her do whatever she wants on the side so long as she comes home go him even while she's pregnant with his kid#only for her to completely ruin it by ACTUALLY sleeping with Ischys thereby making her cheating an act against their relationship#and against his honour both as her lover and a man? Nevermind how it would reflect on him as a god to be made a cuckhold by a mortal man?#There is literally no universe where Coronis doesn't die for that. Literally none.#If Apollo hadn't killed her Artemis would. And if Artemis hadn't killed her - Zeus would.#Apollo really truly loved her though. He's breaking down in like every version of this story even though his kneejerk reaction is anger#And I just feel like there's something especially poignant about him wanting to be the one to kill her#of him - no matter how much he tried to escape this - squaring his shoulders and taking the shot knowing full well#that it's the mother of his child that he's hunting.#UGHHHHH I LOVE THIS STORY I LOVE IT SO MUCH#Fun fact I was supposed to do something like this for Hozier first but I have had AFWP Setting Sun#on repeat in my brain for almost a full week now. Since I can't do animatics I did this instead.#coronis#lord huron#analysis#I guess?#marah in the mainsail#damn they don't even have a tag on tumblr#ginger chats about greek myths
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I’ve started a new job and still gotta get used to the flow so for now have a peter dooble
#art#my art#peter parker#spider-man#sketch#sketches#marvel#cleaned it up a little bit just cuz it was on a page with some wonkier doodles#ive almost completely flip flopped my sleep schedule and have not yet fully adjusted#but i will get there eventually#but i needed a post for the month and i dont think ill have time next week so for now here ya go#spider-sense being vaguely halo-esque? its more likely than you think
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I’m genuinely so fucking sick of the “you all would have loved it if it was Eddie who made that comment” take.
First of all, Eddie wouldn’t have made comment then, bc he knows how hard it is for Buck to talk about his emotions, & is REALLY good at giving him the space to talk about them, even if he does make jokes, they’re not out of pocket (the coming out scene, anyone? Breaking the tension with a joke & still being supportive without making a joke of his feelings.)
Secondly, even if Eddie DID make that comment, I’d probably still roll my eyes, but I’d be more willing to accept it. Do you wanna know why???
Who was the person that knew the details of what Buck was talking to his therapist about during their emergency session before the Buckley’s visit? Who is the first one they show at Buck’s side when he gets stuck in the warehouse trying to pull Saleh out after learning about Daniel?? Who is the one who was pacing downstairs in the station & making sure Buck was okay after the warehouse, and the one who warned him about his visitors??
Who was the one praying at Bobby’s bedside, right next to Buck in the hospital?
(I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the dude that’s had 10 minutes of fucking screen time that everyone forgot about post s1.)
It wouldn’t have been the same bc TOMMY AND EDDIE ARE NOT THE SAME. They are not on the same level of knowing Buck & understanding when to make jokes & what jokes to make. Your best friend, partner & co-parent of 6 years and the man that you haven’t even called your boyfriend yet are not on the same level of familiarity.
I get that you’re pissed that Tommy is being compared to Buck’s previous love interests (which would be the case, even if he wasn’t just as shitty & uninterested in Buck as a person as they all were) but if you genuinely think that he’s anywhere near Eddie’s level, EVEN PLATONICALLY, then I fear that you have been watching another show entirely, & I encourage you to watch more than just s7, bc that’s the only explanation I can come up with for why this fuck ass take exists.
#911 abc#buddie#this isn’t really about the buddie relationship but I think it’s still relevant#I’m so tempted to tag BT bc I think the ones saying this have lost the entire plot of the fucking show#but I’ve also only had like 8 hours of sleep in 2 days#& have almost had 3 panic attacks since Wednesday so I know I’d probably regret it#911 discourse#hating on a storyline/joke/character ≠ hating on a bunch of fans bc they don’t enjoy the same things that you do#eddie diaz#evan buckley#ryan guzman#oliver stark#this could have been a sweet moment to show Tommy taking care of Buck#but instead he made yet ANOTHER shitty & ill timed joke#Eddie has been right beside Buck through his entire journey with his parents#that gives him the right to joke about it#a man who Buck’s been on 3-4 dates with & hasn’t put any effort into their relationship since he planned the date#that he subsequently walked out in the middle of#does not have the same right#this is genuinely not a difficult concept??#like. think about your bff & then think about a new love interest. would you really be comfortable with those 2 people making the same joke#or would you laugh at your best friend’s & be a little off-put by your new potential love intrest???#anti T*van#I heard that tagging something as anti still shows up on that tag & Im just too tired to fucking fight
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Hey there, are you ok?
hey! thank you for checking up on me, this was really sweet!
i SWEAR i did not die. i just got a bit busy doing SladeRobin Week (which i will finish so help me god-) as well as things in my real life. i'm still trying to find the balance of like. fandom creation and working. i am very lucky to have the living situation that i do rn, but it is the sort of schedule where i do have to be ready to watch a baby at really any given point so. it's a tricky balance right now, but i'm going to be active here again! maybe not as many asks answered a day as before, but i want to try to answer like, a few a day and whatnot.
i also think i got briefly overwhelmed, in that i got more asks faster than i answered them. which is the opposite of a problem and something i'm very lucky for! but it did make it difficult for me to keep up and know what to answer next. (this is *not* a discouragement to sending asks! i love them all and pls send as many as you want! i just am a little slow sometimes so i appreciate the patience! <3)
so! i'm back and i'm good, ty for asking! we are back to the regularly scheduled programming <3
#necrotic answerings#this was really sweet anon#like not asking for content. just checking in#made me so soft#also when I initially was going to come back there was you know.#the fucking us election.#and I think it's very fucking clear by the everything about me how I feel about that#I needed a few days to just. handle feelings on all that#also also I started a new show. my partner finally convinced me to watch 911.#so i've been thinking about those lil firefighters.#which. I did make a blog for 911.#haven't posted anything yet! but I made it.#bc godDAMNIT the dead dove scene over there is scarce. fandom full of antis Jesus.#I like a challenge tho. I'm bringing the dead dove to the firefighters not even god can stop me on that one.#I have almost 100 asks to work through.#AND I WILL FINISH THE WHUMP ONES I SWEAR ON MY LIFE PLEASE.#I just had a few weeks of adjustment to both my sister and my brother in law working full time again#I love my darling nephew. but I cannot type and play with him at the same time.#taking care of babies is like. easy until it isn't idk how better to explain it#he will sleep for 4 damn hours and I will be peacefully bored#then he wakes up and wants to fight Jesus.#I don't like kidfic but I could write a good one with this experience by now tbh.
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🧡 the boy savior 🧡
#arcane#ekko arcane#the boy savior#god i love him#this is how Ekko will look in my spidermage au#modern au Ekko#modern au#its almost 6am#and I haven’t slept yet#but I had to draw my blorbos!!!#sleep? I don’t need sleep! it’s summer time
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almost forgot about my gifs. goodnight cody nation
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Thoughts on the new DMC trailer?
Going to be honest I haven't watched any trailers since the trailer at the Game Awards (or whichever one I have those 2 breakdown posts for) 😅 I keep seeing the trailer announcements when I don't have my headphones on me, and I've been behind on watching them once I have the time... maybe tomorrow I'll finally get to watching them! Tonight I'm dead tired so I don't think I'd be in much of a good mood and I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, so to speak. When I watch them I can make a write up on it though! Would probably be fun.
#work is exploding and also i'm trying to read more and study latin#and i'm also doing ultimate raising in ffxiv and have been making guides for my static bc most of them haven't cleared yet#raiding not raising*#then yesterday i had a game (sports) so i really just had no time for anything....#i've been trying to get through my backlog of ao3 comments too#so with all that taken into account....i have barely had any time for absorbing new fandom material or contributing#i haven't written any fic in a week or two#actually. have i written anything since the dmc3 anniversary nearly a month ago...?#i think i opened a fic once but i doubt i added much#most of my time in my docs has been devoted to analyzing moby dick#...which i'm doing for fun#but yeah. so many obligations. i've been pulling unofficial overtime for work. and i'm kind of over my head right now#so i haven't had nearly as much time for dmc stuff as i would like...#i spent part of my drive home today thinking about something i'd like to do with one of my wips#(when i wasn't panicking about that one person who tried to ram into me for about 10-12 minutes in bumper to bumper-#-traffic in the rain. that was 'fun'. and by fun i mean terrifying. i got the heat inducing anxiety and if that person didn't let off-#-soon i was genuinely considering calling 911 because it was. bad. they nearly hit me so many times and kept honking....#even though there was nowhere to go..mand almost rammed me into the barrier on the bridge...#today has been a very long day. it's 9:14pm and everything i've done today has been work or raid besides like 20min of tumblr)#okay enough rambling for now i've gotta get ready for bed#i didn't even get home from my basketball game until after 10 last night and i had to be awake at 5:30 and barely slept last week#so i'm running on many days of sub 7hours of sleep and i am not good at that. i get so exhausted.#so yeah!!!#ty for question i really do mean to watch it i just haven't found the time#i want to give it the proper attention when i watch it. and by it i mean them. all the trailers#erurandomness#erudmc
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south park scene redraw :)
@milkyw4y-marshwalker our* favorite scene XD my boy shows his face i cant not be obsessed with it lmao
textless version under the cut :3
#and now time to go to sleep cuz its almost 6am and i haven't slept yet 😭✨#south park#south park fandom#south park fanart#south park redraw#frame redraw#scene redraw#kenny mccormick#bigger longer and uncut#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#artwork#art#illustration#drawings
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I had to open the ship combat rules doc I made for Rook's campaign the other day, and man, that thing was (and still is tbh) my fucking magnum opus. I put so much effort into creating rules for a type of combat that dnd doesn't naturally support, and it was SUCH a fun challenge. I'll admit it's not perfect, but it works for our campaign, and everyone seemed to like it during our one test so far, so that's good enough for me.
I think between the stat blocks, the rules themselves, and the maps of the ships, I spent easily 48 hours total on making this sailing arc happen. (No, I'm not the DM, I just like homebrewing shit, and also happen to be the one who decided to play a pirate and make that involved in the story.)
#morrigan.text#morrigan plays dnd#dnd#if anyone wants to read the ship combat rules doc or anything just lmk. I will gladly share the link. This thing is my baby.#actually if anyone ever wants to see ANY of my dnd stuff I'll gladly share. I need to find a nicer way to share it than roll20 screenshots.#I will accept any suggestions as to how to do that and also gladly welcome any chance to infodump about my silly little homebrew shit.#it's so funny because I think that a lot of people would look at the stuff I do for this DM and go ''huh??? why??? you're a player???''#and yet MORE that I've promised to make but haven't done yet. (Like the fucked up Nightwalkers I'm using the Aeor monsters as a base for.)#but it's genuinely so much fun for me and I practically BEG him to let me do this stuff lmao.#I've made SEVERAL maps (both battle and regional) and well over a dozen stat blocks for this campaign.#probably close to two dozen atp actually. I mean the Sea Snake crew alone was at least 4 stat blocks plus the 3 ships.#and then there's the Drowned Maidens we're fighting next session. And the Tentacle Monster and the Sea Drake.#and the beefed-up Kuo-Toa plus their idol and the Marriages.#so what's that. 13 stat blocks for just the first part of the sailing arc?#and then there's the wind roc/phoenix thing I made for Red Lotus Island.#and three chimeras I made for the labs. So that's 17. And I know for a fact there's more I'm forgetting about.#my all-caster party is going to hate me lmao. (It's fine. 90% of the monsters I make are worse for me (the rogue) than anyone else.)#as for maps I made the map of Red Lotus island and I made all three ship maps (which took probably close to 24hours total)#and I made a map for the fight against Andrassi THE NIGHT BEFORE THE SESSION (by voluntary choice).#idk I just have fun with this kind of thing. I'm not organized enough to DM a campaign but I love figuring out technical challenges.#I mean. that makes a lot of sense since dnd and its mechanics is literally my special interest. So. Not really surprising.#oh and for my (heavily modified) CoS game I made a super powerful divine assassin of the Raven Queen for us to meet.#he's cool as hell. His name is Kazimir and his stat block is absolutely insane.#it's almost 3am why am I like this. time to go the fuck to sleep!!!
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#2 for the ask thing!
2. An embarrassing story. you ever pee the bed as grown adult and then it almost happens 3 more times in your grown adult life for a total of 4 times that's about as embarrassing as it gets!
#💪 can't tell when i have to use the bathroom ESPECIALLY when I'm asleep I'll just sleep through all signs saying get up#literally cried the first time it happened cause i was so distraught the other 3 times it's like oh gotta go i guess#by almost i mean I'm pissin my boxers but it hasn't hit the bed yet MIRACULOUSLY
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something i have not done in so long.
#random thoughts#we are detached; carry these hands. eventually i shall reach a state of conscience transient#but something blocks me and i do not know what. the closer i look we are almost there#almost there almost there almost there almost there#on s'extirpe the most amount of pleasure we can ever get from anything#despite that i see through all your disguises#call me a horror if you must. i am a sensation#and always i long to leave my identity behind for something more permanent#tear my fingernails from their beds while they are softly sleeping#call me a name that is not mine and feed into delusions i do not possess#unnatural to want to become it but everyone does in the first place#not in my many years have i feared i would never be like this again#always so cryptic once but now i speak fluently soberly#god i do not want to be real#let me ascend#conceptually#i want to be your strange little object character and concept#i've not time to respond yet unless the poem ends here.
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someone please free me from the shackles of my ableist job so I can read my books, draw and write my silly little fics in PEACE
#i told my boss about people disrespecting me and calling me ableist slurs and she was straight up like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i haven't been paid yet (nearly a month now) and they still pressure me into sending my work weeks before the deadline#i can't sleep I can't have fun without thinking about whether i'm falling behind on work or not#i haven't been able to write these past week because of my work#i'm tired all the time. everyone is worried about me#if they gave me a raise maybe i could help my family w/ bills & start my hormonal therapy but they don't even pay me in the right day#i've been waiting almost 10 years to finally start hormonal therapy and at this point i'm just living for my little family and out of spite#cw: rant#vent#they say they are inclusive and love autistic people and then treat me like shit and get pissed off when I make a mistake#and then when a neurotypical person does the SAME mistake they say “oh it's fina haha” and don't yell at them like they do with me#i already quit but I have a few more weeks. I'm scared to be unemployed and embarassed. I want to help my family#but it's hard when it feels like the whole world hates people like me
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