#it takes me a looooot of time and effort to process things. and to be able to articulate how i feel and what i think

[eagans]

been helenaposting so much lately i feel like i can live forever

[mollish-art]

'Ello, me again lol

This time I'm after art tips because I really want to get better at art and yours is so amazing.

Awwww thank you so much!!

I've been drawing digitally ever since 2015, and am entirely self-taught. I never went to art school, and I learned most of the techniques that I use now just from watching hours and hours worth of speedpaints from my favorite artists while in high school!

With regards to things like anatomy and more fundamental stuff, I learned a lot by watching Aaron Blaise's tutorials. He sells them on his website and quite often does really good deals (I purchased a toooon of them for like $10 total during the pandemic). For those that don't know of his work, he is a professional artist and animator who has done a ton of stuff for Disney (he animated for Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, and directed Brother Bear!)

As for my own personal advice when it comes to improving art, I learned the most by drawing fanart. So, SO much fanart. In high school, I pretty much only drew dragons. The one exception was the little bit of Homestuck fanart I did - that was the one thing that pushed me to start practicing humanoids more often.

The best way to get better at art is simply to just do it A LOT. A LOOOOOT. And the best way to do a lot of art without hating the process? Find a piece of media you really like and draw fanart for it!

My fanart was shiiiiiiiiiiiiit for the first few years. Truly. But nonetheless, I still drew nearly every day, and posted almost all of it to my deviantArt account at the time. I got a ton of constructive critiques as well as encouragement from other artists at the time, and that really helped to keep me motivated!

As I got better, I started to branch out into doing commissions. Doing paid work really motivated me to take my time when drawing things that were outside of my comfort zone (like landscapes, for example), and I always put in a ton more effort and detail into my commissions than my personal work or fanart. It helped me to grow my skills a TON.

But yeah! I started out just by looking at the work of other artists I admired and took inspiration from their artstyles, then just drew a bunch of fanart, and, most importantly, KEPT GOING.

The worst thing you can do as an artist is to constantly compare yourself to others like it's some kind of competition, or to see someone's work and say "I'll never draw like that". All that does is de-motivate you. Instead, what I grew to start doing, is to compare my art where it is right now to my OWN art from previous months/years.

I have kept ALL of my old art up on my deviantArt page (yes, even that really bad Homestuck fanart from 2015) as a reminder of how far I've come, as well as a reminder to other aspiring artists that we all start somewhere. The most important thing is to just get started and to have fun with your work! Do art because you enjoy it. Draw cringy shit. Draw ship art. Draw your ancient sparkledog OC from 2012. Just do it! You'll be happier for it :)

[cmllnc]

Since you want an Iwaizumi request, I have one. He initially thinks you watch their practices because of Oikawa. When he finds out you're not, he assumes you like another guy on the team and tries to help you two get together. You're actually there for him and somewhere in the process, he starts liking you. I'm thinking a one-shot but use whatever format you think is best. And you can use whatever personalty for the reader.

CRUSH

Hajime Iwaizumi

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

When he first saw you at practice, he didn't even take too much notice of you, convinced that you too were there to see Oikawa and squeal like a goose.

He rolled his eyes, amazed by how the captain attracted girls as the shit attracts flies.

But he had not refrained from laughing when Oikawa, going to greet his fans had been brutally rejected by you.

"I'm sorry, I'm not here for you."

You said, without even deserving him of a look, returning to pay attention to the workouts, but still trying not to make others understand who was the center of your interest.

Iwaizumi then begins to look around, not that his teammates are not attractive, but who could have caught the attention of such a good-looking person like you?

At that moment the coach orders the cooling and stretching, it's the end of the training.

You certainly don't miss the details of his back, legs and arms, even if you're at some distance from the playing field.

But as soon as you look away to pay attention to your cell phone, when you get a message from your mother asking if you'd come home for dinner, you find yourself in front of Hajime Iwaizumi looking curiously at you.

"Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?"

Asked the boy in front of you, making you step back in surprise.

"No, I actually just came to snoop, don't worry."

Lying was the right thing to do. You couldn't get caught suddenly by the guy you were there for, right?

"Really? Look, I can help you with whoever you want, you're suddenly someone really interesting to me after what you said to Trashykawa."

"Let's do this my way, I don't tell you who it is, but you still try to help me mh?"

A challenge.

Hajime Iwaizumi really likes challenges.

He stretched himself, then put his hands on his hips and shrugged his shoulders, observing the field that his teammates were cleaning and fixing, trying to identify who might be the center of the young girl's interest.

Then he turned back to the girl.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I got your name..."

"(f/n) (l/n) it's nice to meet you."

"Hajime Iwaizumi, the pleasure is mine."

He gave you a genuine and sincere smile, shaking your hand, then flanked you, returning to look at the field. Your face was facing the field, but your eyes looked at the boy, almost admiring his gorgeous face, his hair that you would so much want to caress, his eyes, of that particular color that you would have missed hours observing and his lips that you would have kissed for life, wondering if they were soft, if he was a good kisser.

And it was like that for a whole month.

At the end of each workout, he would join you, chat with you and look among his teammates, wondering who could be your crush, without imagining that it could be himself.

And the thing had begun to stress him, realizing that his feelings towards you were turning from trivial curiosity and friendship, to something deeper and different.

He was starting to like you.

And as your friendship consolidated, as he tried to give you as much advice as possible about all his friends, he felt increasingly despondent, but for your happiness this and more. Right?

Wrong.

You left him constant clues, one at a time, one a day.

"His eyes are a strange color."

You told him, hoping he could catch the clue, but men are not meant to understand immediately.

The most bizarre thing was that he had gone to his teammates (ignoring Oikawa) and forced them, one by one, to look him straight in the eye.

He had to figure out which one of them had a strange eye color.

For you.

When he was coming back though, you were already gone home and he had sighed, no longer seeing you in your place.

"You're so stupid Iwa-chan, it's you."

Mumbled the captain, looking bad at his friend.

The others saw very well how you looked at him and, although the two of you were always next to each other, he had never been able to notice.

"Me? Impossible, she would have told me."

"You are such an idiot."

And so Hajime began to question himself.

Is it possible that he didn't catch the signals?

That he didn't join the dots?

Or that he didn't realize that all those clues were nothing more than small details about him?

"What an idiot..."

He whispered to himself.

But to tell her that the feeling was mutual, he would've had to wait until the day after.

"I think I'm pretty sure who your crush is"

He said, the next day, coming to you like every other day after the training.

Yoy turned to look at him, convinced he would say a name that had absolutely nothing to do with the description you had given him.

"If it's not Trashykawa, it's definitely me."

He said, convinced and proud.

Then he turned to you and his expression softened considerably as he saw your face slightly red with embarrassment.

He gave you a delicate smile, then caressed your cheek.

" But don't worry, the feeling is widely mutual."

He whispered, softly as you turned even more red, shaking a little bit as soon as he left your cheek to grab your hand.

"Wait for me, I'll go changing my clothes then I'll walk you home."

_________________________________________

I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE I PUT A LOOOOOT OF EFFORT IN THIS OS.

I'm kidding, you are allowed to not liking it.

❤️

[mochifufu]

보내고싶었지만 차마 보내지 못해서 여기다가라도 남기는 아무한테도 가지 않을 글 —

If you're thinking something happened recently that made me block you, then you're wrong. You were also wrong about the reason I blocked you the first time, but to maintain friendly terms for the sake of you and all our mutuals, I just let it be. The reason I blocked you both times is actually quite easily identifiable if you consider all your actions starting from after February break. You wanted to hang out a lot, and I did not take that as anything, because I try not to assume things. I did find it weird but I decided that your intentions did not matter because I did truly appreciate someone making that much effort to reach out to me (same goes for every time you reached out to me; no matter how frustrated I was with the way you treated me, I genuinely felt grateful every time you bothered reaching out).

But ever since KZ sat me down and spoke to me about you in Brandon's room, everything got weird. I'm not blaming KZ; I think she was trying to be a good friend to you. But I do think that she should hold some responsibility for telling me the things she told me in that room and also for telling you what I told her. I've been in a couple instances where middlemen were involved, and none of those went right. I don't think anything goes right when people start actively getting involved in others' businesses, and that is why I get paranoid when I tell you things -- because I feel like if it spreads, even if it's not malicious or important, everything just gets messier. It's not because I don't want to be called a snake, as you assumed so when you brought up the Ben Stephanie story when I was talking to you about the rumour involving you backstabbing. You started flaking hardcore back to back ever since that day I spoke with and somewhat opened up to KZ, and such drastic change in the way you treated me after that got me to believe that I did something wrong. I kept thinking and thinking endlessly about what I could have possibly done to make you treat me so horribly all of the sudden, but could not point to anything and ultimately it was not helpful for my mind or body.

I really did appreciate you as a person and did enjoy all the times we spent together and did care about you; that is why the change in your behaviour had such an impact on me. I really needed someone that understood what I was going through to be there for me, and you did seem like you understood, so I was thankful for you. Yes, I may be more sensitive than others, but that does not change anything about the way you treated me. I think I touched upon everything during that call in April regarding the events that happened on campus and until that call, and I don't want to seem like I'm holding grudges. However, I really can’t dismiss that instance of you voluntarily offering to pick me up from the hospital, only to tell an hour before my discharge that you have class so you cannot. That really tore me apart and is still affecting me. Someone that supposedly "really likes" me and "views [me] differently from other girls" (quoting KZ) treating me like that was hard to process. You kept bringing up the one time I ever flaked on you, which was that same day you ditched me at the hospital, but how do you even have the audacity to bring that up? If I didn't have Brandon coming to pick me up that day, I would‘ve had to uber myself from the hospital in embarrassment, because I would not have taken anyone else's offer to pick me up if I really trusted you to pick me up. Even after that, you didn't even let me know when to come for the dinner that you set, when I explicitly told you to let me know when. As I told you in April, I actually was convinced of going despite everything that happened, but the real reason why I did not was because I was told right before that dinner that you told KZ that you don't like me anymore. Would you have gone to eat with yourself if you were in my shoes? Hearing that just confirmed all my theories that I had going around in my head. This was only a week after that day KZ and I had that talk. If your feelings change that quickly, then you can't say that you ever even liked me and you should have reflected on your own feelings a little more carefully before letting it get to me. You are free to feel whatever and however you want to, but once you let it out and get it to affect others, then that becomes your responsibility. This whole instance just made me feel as though you had a fleeting interest in me so you kept me around, and once you lost your short-lived so-called feelings, you just threw me out as if I were your toy. That is part of the reason why I could never trust you or your words fully, or be honest with my feelings because I always felt like I'm disposable to you and that you will just yeet off when you find a replacement.

Your flaking never stopped even after we all left campus. You apologized in April, but nothing changed after that. Same goes for when you apologized in August. An apology is only completed after it's shown consistently through action. You might have tried to be more considerate and respectful for me and my time right after apologizing, but both times it never stayed consistent. You made me feel like I was always the last resort in your life. Have you ever really marked down a plan with me and set that time aside for me? I personally think that if you truly care for someone, you would voluntarily set aside time for them and actually abide by it because you genuinely want to spend time with them. I've never asked to be your priority, ever. But when you make plans with someone, it is common sense to prioritize that person and their time within the timeframe set aside for them at the least. I don't think you've ever done that aside from that apology call. Yes, you did make a lot of effort to call and reach out to me and I am grateful for that, but if you think about it, it always revolved around your time. You said I made you feel unwanted and that I don't take initiatives, but how can I take initiatives for someone that seemingly doesn't respect me at all? I did not want to fall into the same trap of thinking that you actually care about me and that your sweet words actually mean something when they're in fact just carelessly thrown around with zero meaning.

All of this combined just tells me that you probably were confused when I blocked you the first time but didn't care enough to do anything about it, and only when you were considering going back, you reached out to me because you wanted a safety net. This conclusion was solidified when you started talking to me less after we had that call about how you were probably not going to go back. Also, you never really treated me like a "close friend" and I'm sure you are aware of that at the least. You never treated me like a platonic friend yet I hear that you talk to "a looooot" of other girls.. I am not salty that I was not the only one you were talking to non-platonically. You have every right in this world to do so. It's just that I don't want to be a part of the pool of people you just string along for your own entertainment. Continuously feeling like I'm the last resort and that I can be just replaced by another string-along girl any time obviously did not feel good, and I could not view you simply as a friend because you did not treat me like that.

No hard feelings, but I just did not appreciate the way I was treated and because you seemed like you were not going to stop anytime soon with the way that you were treating me. I had to block you to stop myself from feeling like I don't deserve any proper love or care. Your words were compelling, but your actions were the exact opposite of everything you said and I could not continue playing along and pretending to be okay with that when in fact I was actually quite sad. As I've reiterated numerous times, I really did and still do appreciate a lot of the times spent and you as a person, and wouldn't mind being friends with you. Blocking was a temporary measure because I couldn't let myself be sad like this forever, but I thought it would be worth a while to consider your side of things as well, since there are always two sides of things. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, I will respect that too.

[megbox]

On a scale from 1 to kindergartner, how much of an imagination do you have? I listened to a somewhat scary podcast a lot during the school year last year and began to think paranormal things were happening to me. LAST YEAR. Your girl has a wild imagination.  Do you have a camera that takes film? Do you use it? I used to but I don’t really use them anymore. Film is expensive and difficult to get processed and I also suck at manually operating a camera.  How many places did you apply to, before someone ever called you back for a job? I have been employed at the same place for so long, I kind of forget what it is like to search for a job. I suppose when doing practicum/internship interviews over the past few years I have been offered a job after one interview both times. Lucky me. 

What is something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do? What’s stopping you? Speak another language! What is stopping me is that it is very difficult to learn and I picked a language that I have nearly zero exposure to here in Canada. But I am trying.  

Out of all of the shows, movies, and books you love, who is your OTP (one true pairing)? Hmmm Ron and Hermione.  Is there a show that every time you watch it, it always seems like the SAME rerun is on? Which show and which episode is it that haunts you? No but my Mom and I have a joke that whenever I am at her place, the Joe Kenda Homicide Hunter show comes on. I swear to god, it’s on 24/7 repeat sessions.  What are some modern (past 5 years) bands that you think will be in the Rock&Roll Hall of Fame in the next 25 years? Oh god... lmao. I am so not good at rock music.  Do those jokes about women belonging in the kitchen offend you? I think at this point it’s so... tired and sad that it honestly reflects more poorly n the person making the joke.  Which one of your bf/crush/etc’s exes do you hate the most? Why? This is a hilarious question and I am almost sad I don’t have an answer for it.  Have you ever written a FanFiction? Did people actually like it? I am fucking loling I could easily delete this question but I wonder if anyone ACTUALLY reads these so I’m going to admit that sometime in the last 7 years, I wrote a very popular piece of fan fiction and had like multiple chapter releases and everything. I won’t say what for.  Would you rather watch a movie about a dorky michael cera type, a prettyboy zac efron type, or the rough around the edges channing tatum type? Michael Cera is my number one celebrity crush.  Do you like slow, sleepy, acoustic indie music or does it bore you? That’s my fucking favourite.  Do you have your future career all planned out or are you a bit confused about what you want to do with your life? I am getting closer and closer.     Do you seem to attract a certain demographic of the opposite sex? What are they? Actually, no. But one thing in common is that people fall quickly and I don’t always return the feeling and it has led to many an awkward and sad conversation.  When you were in high school did you find the band and drama kids to be incredibly annoying?   Drama kids yes, holy shit. I honestly barely interacted with anyone in the band.  What is something superficial or nitpicky that a guy could do that would make him “undateable” to you? Smoke cigarettes.  Have you ever liked playing dollmakers or online dress-up games? Nah, I was more about Habbo Hotel.  What is the biggest difference in age you’ve ever had while dating someone? Errr it depends on what you consider dating but six years older.  At your school, did all the band kids join track? No lmfao I wish then we maybe would have actually had a coach and been able to train at Centennial.  Do you save the confetti you get from concerts? No! That’s such a cute idea! 

Would you tolerate hanging around with someone you didn’t like, if your friends liked them? Uhhhhhhhhh I guess so but I am really bad at pretending to like somebody if I don’t. 

Where’s your favourite place to hang out with friends? Someone’s place. Fuck the bar, it’s too expensive. 

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you like? Yessssish. I remember the night but I don’t remember the specific conversation. 

Do you make an effort to talk to all of your Facebook friends, or are there certain people that you talk to the most? Are you serious lmfao... all my Facebook friends... that is laughable 

When was the last time you had butterflies in your stomach? This morning. 

How is the last person that texted you? Getting drunk in Banff right now so I assume she’s doing fairly well. 

How many of your friends are in relationships? GOD it seems like EVERYONE. 

Who was the last person you talked to whose name started with the letter L? Uhh Lejaimen at work, 

Have you ever liked someone younger than you? Yes. 

Are you a secretive person? I want to say yes and I know anyone that reads this tumblr will be like, “lmao yeah right I know more about your life from this very public social media outlet than I know about most people I actually care about” but there is so much I leave out lmao CONSIDER THAT, PEOPLE. 

How many friends do you have on Facebook? I have no idea 

How many people follow you on Twitter? 300-some. Likely largely comprised of robots. 

What does the last email you received concern? Event confirmation for the training I attended today. 

How many people have you kissed in the last twelve months? Literally probably like 50....... sorry. 

Do you think it’s okay to like someone else if you’re in a relationship? It’s so difficult because I know myself and I am exceedingly jealous and I really feel like it’s not okay even though it happened to me in a very real way many years ago. It’s like a weird double standard. I think there are definitely mature ways to handle being attracted to other people while in a relationship and it takes a little bit of growing up / life experience to get there. 

How long have you liked the person you currently like? On and off since the fall of last year. 

Has a close friend ever hurt you? Yep. 

What’s the biggest age difference between you and someone you’ve liked or have dated? Six years. 

Have you ever developed feelings for someone you were friends with? Yes! Duh! 

What is it about yourself that you dislike the most? Probably the crippling anxiety that will literally just randomly rear it’s head and always manifests in a new way lmao I can never get on top of it. 

How would your friends describe you? They would probably say I am suuuuper weird. Impatient as fuck. Messy. Likes to party and that I work too much. 

How long are you prepared to wait to be with someone you want before you give up on them? You can’t really put an exact time on that. It all depends on the situation. If I really loved somebody I would wait but I wouldn’t hold back on new opportunities.  

Describe, in no less than three sentences, your current relationship status or situation. I have no idea if I am falling ridiculously hard for this person or if I am just lonely. I have been extremely confused and been sending the most mixed of signals out into the world. At the end of the day though I am very happy. 

What would you say is the stupidest thing you’ve EVER done? Get chlamydia from my ex-boyfriend lmfao 

What does your family think of the person you like? They don’t know about any of that. 

What are your plans for tomorrow evening? IT’S MY FIRST NIGHT CLOSING AS A MANAGER

Last person you talked on the computer with? Technically Maeghan. 

Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? I hope so but you never know. 

Was New Year’s enjoyable? Lmfao. No. 

Do you have siblings over the age of 21? Yes. 

Will this weekend be a good one? It already has been honestly. 

Will tomorrow be better than today? Today has been pretty damn good. 

What do you currently hear right now? The Yawning Grave by Lord Huron. OBSESSED. 

What was the last thing to go into your mouth? A sip of a Bud Light radler. 

What happened at 3:00pm today? I was leaving my place to drive down to Somerset. 

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Uhhh we aren’t like CLOSE in the traditional way but I love her very much and when times get tough she always has my back. 

Are you a mean person? Honestly yes. 

Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents? Nope. 

Does anyone hate you? Oh yeah baby I got haters  

Do you think relationships are even worth it? Yes yes yes a million times yes. 

Relationships or one night stands? Literally keep asking myself this question in this current period of my life. 

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Nah.

Do you miss anyone? I miss my brother. 

What is stressing you out most right now? Doing a good job in my new role at work. 

Are you waiting for a phone call? Nope. 

Have you ever been with someone while they were throwing up? See: Drinking with Ali in 2012. 

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed? This couch I’m currently on. 

Could you handle being married to the last person you texted? LOLOL me and Harper would fucking kill each other 

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? Yes :) 

Next time you will kiss someone? Soon. 

Have you told anybody you loved them today? Yes. 

When’s the last time you had grilled cheese? I ate it with my Dad one afternoon when I still lived at their place. With tomato soup. It was a DANK grilled cheese too, I put some fancy cheese on there with some prosciutto. 

Have you ever tripped someone? Not on purpose.

Do you have any scars? I have a looooot so many. Some I didn’t even notice but they were actually pointed out to me last night. 

Did you sleep alone last night? No. 

Yes. 

How old will you be in five months? 24. 

Something you do a lot? Drink coffeeeeeee. 

Do you like the rain? I love it.

Do you like sushi? HELL yeah. 

Have you ever had stitches? Nope but definitely needed ‘em for my knee. 

When was the last time you were tempted to do something you’d later regret? Every time I drink.

Are you in a relationship? If so, how long have you been? No.

Have you ever wanted to just run away and start over? Yes and that’s a telltale sign that things are going poorly because I do love my life and my friends here in Calgary very much. 

Does your mom like to burn candles? Oh yeah Sandy is all about the candles. 

How many hats does your dad own? LMAO what a strange question. 

Have you ever had your friends sleep over at your house? Uhh HELL YEAH I love having people stay over I fucking hate sleeping alone. 

Are you happier now than you were three months ago? What was three months ago - May? I was in Thailand three months ago. In Krabi. Not a care in the world. I am probably about the same level of happiness. 

Has any one said they love you in the last week? Yes. 

Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap? We treated one another pretty shittily in different ways lmfao 

In the past week have you cried? Yes.

Do you get drunk every weekend? LOL like honestly yes 

Have you ever had a sleepover with a member of the opposite sex? Yes yes yes. 

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face? Monday at work.

Is there someone you want out of your life for good? They’re already gone. 

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? Nope but I think being able to trust someone fully also takes a lot of work on part of yourself. 

Do you have freckles? NO I WANT THEM 

Ever kissed a Robert, Tyler, Ryan, Andrew or Michael? Uhhhh I actually do not believe I have kissed anyone with these names but there are certainly people out there I’ve kissed whose names I do not know. 

Have you ever asked a boy for advice? Yes.

What are you thinking of right now? That I need to wrap this up and change and do my makeup to go out. 

Have you ever slept in the same bed as the same sex? Yeah.

How many months until your birthday? Eight! 

Have you been outside longer than 30 mins today? Nope, it’s been raining. 

Are you looking for a boyfriend? Good question. 

Why do you feel the way you feel? That’s how my brain works.

How has the week been? It’s barely the start of Wednesday, but so far it’s just been hot and miserable and also California is literally on fire, so the air has been really smokey and bad all over. Thursday I have a stressful doctor appointment that I’m not looking forward to.

Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can’t? I kind of sort of mentioned things last night. 

Do you sleep with the TV on? Not usually but I can. 

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? I know I’m in deep when I start to think about them when they are not around and I get that like deep sudden clenching feeling right in the middle of your chest. 

Have you ever been cheated on? I have no idea tbh. It probably depends what you’d consider cheating. 

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I’ve been told yes but like whatever lmfao 

Has someone broken your heart? Yep. 

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? LOL.................. 

What was the last reason you wanted to cry? Work. 

Do you have a best friend to lean on? Yes <3