#it's never to late to fix things
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It's time that we all speak up... Dr. King had a dream... I share that dream... let's make it a reality... 🙏🏼
#it's never to late to fix things#MLK#dr. martin luther king jr.#mlk day#i have a dream#let's make it come true#let's start right now#love#happiness#thank you#sharing#joy#freedom for all people#freedom from oppression#freedom#RIP Dr King#i love you still#always#I'll try to make you proud#you didn't die in vain#bless you#help us#help each other#do the right thing#work together#rise above#you matter#i care#a lot#honor his memory
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misc. watt quotes that live in my mind rent free + bonus spread
#we are the tigers#aka musical from 2019. *points* comfort characters ig??? was going to do a rendered concept skypetmr thing but lazy.#apologies for everyone who's recently come here for stray gods lol... still percolating that#spread is of fix-it au scene where they're all alive & happy and is a wip i will never render in part also bc my art style floated off#into the abyss and i can't really mimic how i drew it anymore#doodles inbtwn being a very busy folk & teaching myself software... alas. lately been thinking abt musical sounds i can replicate#tone for tone in my head. as you do when working in sort of silence#two of these are redraws. bonus points if u guess which ones accurately#this fits surprisingly well w my blog theme. eventually i might change it to av colours but today is not the day
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never volunteer for anything university related man. also go listen to this
#first i thought oh it would just be this one poster. why not. i can do that. i have time. so i did#they told me the general aesthetic and no further details so i thought‚ oh‚ okay‚ so i can basically freestyle this. yknow‚ like an idiot#they told me to change the color scheme‚ the font‚ the color of the font too‚ pretty much redo the entire poster#and these are notes i would be getting late at night. like around 12-2am. i had to revise that poster a shitload of times and was#tired. and then i was done and i thought Welp! at least that's over!#little did i know they were actually planning for me to do MORE WORK: design diplomas/certificates and make one for all the people needed#So here i am 12 diplomas‚ 24 certificates‚ 31 letter of thanks later#all done in one person. all done in two days (deadline was until the end of the week but i couldnt start until at least thursday)#I couldnt start because they sent me the wrong list of people first. so i had to cram(heh) a lot. of hours of work in these past 2 days#Yknow at least they liked my design the first time and i didnt have to revise anything. but ohhhh the fucking. filling out the papers for#each person. absolutely daunting. especially in something like ibispaint x that doesnt have an option to align text to the center#of the canvas. which is more my fault because i am an ibispaint x user. but anyway#They sent me the correct official document. it had incomplete information because they just didnt write patronymics or grades in the#official document. so i had to go and check the first table and figure out everyone's information myself#but the thing is that‚ that table must've been written by the students/participants because stuff like Name Of University wasn't consistent#some literally wrote their school's names wrong and i had to double-check that and fix that for the certificates. fine. whatever#but remember the official document? now imagine it even MORE incomplete because there is a list of at least 10 people and just their#SURNAMES AND INITIALS. so like a digital archeologist i had to go and dig up the names and patronymics of teachers and students i've never#heard of in my fucking life. i had to ask my older friends like Hey is there any chance you know the patronymic of your groupmate thanks???#and the cherry on top. is that the Official Document has a bunch of grammatical errors in it. the most fucking basic ones.#'анастасие' instead of 'анастасии'‚ 'преподователь' instead of 'преподаватель'#so i had to look out for those TOO‚ While Tired (i almost copied the mistakes because all of my work required referencing the doc#but they couldnt even write a fucking grammatically correct or consistent doc so that's nice)#anyways i sent all 67 files and my supervisor said she will look over them 'during the evening'#I dont know what her fucking definition of evening is considering it's already 6pm. i guess i expect to be messaged at 2am once more to fix#some inconsequential bullshit#let's just say i am just a liiiiiittle bit . just sliiightly . burnt out#Call me a vessel the way im full of void but also completely hollow#alas . at least there is fanmade threat music to listen to on loop#crammerposting
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Aaa i didnt know Ark is ace!! When i first found your blog i scrolled through and ran into the art where Nick is laying on him and theyre looking at each other all softly and theyre both naked but nothings showing. It didn't startle me the way unexpected naked art has in the past, so it gave THIS 30 year old repulsed ace a brand new intospection of themselves and their repulsion triggers. So seeing Ark is acespec like me warms my heart. Much love, have a nice day!
thank u for sharing, i'm glad to hear it!
ark's pretty comfortably asexual now in his adulthood, but he was around 30 before having that self-realization lol. He had all the classic asexual baggage of feeling like something was wrong with him, but he's been a lot more confident about it since figuring it out :)
#shut up bug#not art#he thought briefly that the werewolf thing would 'fix him' and when it obviously didn't#he had to be like. ok. so. maybe this is just me.#he feels dumb about how long it took but better late than never lol
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oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.
recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)
because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.
and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).
Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.
at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.
something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.
Cas never knew.
Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.
but Cas never knew.
the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.
so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.
this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?
nah.
true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.
#beautiful and poignant messages in the 2005 CW cult classic dark fantasy show supernatural that they did by accident#like they literally showed how wrong cas was to believe that happiness ISN'T in the having aaaand qed dean loved him back#spn meta#destiel meta#castiel meta#mine.txt#destiel#supernatural meta#spn#supernatural#meta#messy thoughts#lol sorry for the tmi but i needed the lead up okay#i'm fine i knew#i was very much cas in this situation no hope of any other outcome#only he was wrong lmao#I think the way Cas scrunches up his face after Dean's 'don't do this Cas' is almost like that bittersweet regret.#that 'oh. if only we had known this sooner. if only it wasn't too late now.'#AND IT'S A LOT YOU GUYS#i do wonder if cas wouldn't made a different plan with different information#personally i don't think he'd've gone out like that if he understood that dean loved him too#like he saw the love in his eyes. but part of me thinks it was relief that this didn't make dean hate him.#but sometimes it's just bad writing and we can't ascribe conscious thought to an out of character decision lol#but i think after everything cas would've fought for the thing he never thought he could have#which is why in my fix it fic wip that i'll finish someday cas is like okay well. gotta get outta here now and kiss my mute coconut lol#i love them so much
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Auto translation from Insta 👇 but AouBoom in the recording studio!!! (230525)

#aouboom#aou thanaboon#boom tharatorn#maybe for memoir of Rati?? 🤔 is it too late for that?#i know side couples don't usually get a song but not never right? why can't i remember things lol#but i guess either that or ofdo???? that seems too soon but idk the timeline of these things (if the translation of soundtrack is right)#idt they usually have couples record osts for series they're not in right? just someone on their own#ngl i feel weird posting photos of some almost random dude but it's a public account so maybe it's okay???#or maybe i'll delete it later if it is weird#also insta translates nong to little 🙃#repost to fix some formatting
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Calming down from my involuntary cry sesh 💔💔💔.
#complaining#honestly at this point it’s more like just eyes watering I hardly cry#eating my cookie dough flavored bar#although you can taste the fruit and stuff that they make them with lol#but they’re sweet enough that I can tolerate them with a stomachache while being like… healthy? filling? idk. enough that they don’t give me#headaches or stomachaches#note: I just ate a cupcake on an empty stomach and have both#I love the cookie dough bars because eating them can help my stomachaches that I get from things like that#I’m gonna have to try (and probably fail) to sleep off the headache though.#STOP LETTING ME STAY AWAKE SO LATE…#I can’t block her because I cling so desperately to the idea that she’ll come crawling back to me begging for a second chance and saying-#she’s missed me so bad. but this will never happen lol.#and keeping her as a contact means that every social media (whether I tell it to use my contacts or not…) will recommend her accounts to me#and they’re always on private but it’s the same pfp as she always used#and the same jokes that we used to laugh about for the username#it like actually shatters me every time </333#at least I’ll work more on my drawing for mutual tomorrow so I have that to look forward to for a distraction#but rn I’m too tired to focus on anything and have too much of a headache to even listen to music#so I’m just gonna lie here and try to get to sleep#whatever. time to imagine Arcade cuddling me or something.#hopefully I fall asleep the second my head hits my pillow but that’s not gonna happen hashtag headache hashtag my pain medicine isn’t nearby#hashtag I love TUMS#I just got a very good tasting one mmmmm#I finished eating my bar there’s still some left but I can’t eat any more I’m too full#this is probably long and I’m not reading over any of it#hashtag please let me wake up and my headache is gone#I feel so fucking robbed when it doesn’t happen#like I turned my body off and then on again that should fix this.#yeah this is definitely getting long I need to think about not her.#Arcade save me. save me Arcade.
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His Ears... Patreon | Ko-fi
#Tuvok#they got a lil bigger <3#I feel like my art hasn't been as interesting lately :/ but I'm currently struggling with bouts of intense depression#and random body aches - so thank you for your patience and support!#Also I know they make Tuvok a captain but that will never ever be canon to me (same with Seven)#To me? He's some kind of instructor#I like the thought of Janeway being an admiral - Tuvok's an instructor and Chakotay is.....off. doing his own thing.#I can see him doing a lot of things. Liiike...helping build houses after the war#bee doodles#voy#need to draw more gilf tuvok - that will fix me#IMPORTANT: All 3 of them are disatisfied and varying levels of miserable in their lives/careers after Voyager#par for the voy crew course v_v#st voyager
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um not really relevant to anything but fuck insurance companies. specifically medical ones
#ed cetera#i don't like to rant about my personal life here because like. iiiiii just dont like it. but damn i need to yell into the void#for YEARS now. like literally since i was in elementary school. ive been dealing with a medical issue. but its gotten more frequent lately#the tldr is that i get pain in my abdomen and i have to sit down for longer than ive been up. because just sitting down a bit doesnt help#ive been ass at documenting my symptoms bc i thought id never get it diagnosed so while i think there are other symptoms i cant say for sure#but like. ive been going to the doctor to figure this out and she's pretty sure its a type of dysautonomia. although she has some other-#-theories#but since medical insurance companies hate ANYONE who might have something wrong with them.#i have to go through a fucking endoscopy and god knows how many other tests for things I don't have before i can get a tilt table test.#like stomach issues run in my family so ive been DREADING endoscopies and colonoscopies and so on and so forth.#mainly because you have to be put under anesthesia for them and get an iv. which are two things i hate#(and also ive refused to be put on anesthesia for a major surgery i had because i was that fucking terrified)#but like. YEAH SURE LET'S MAKE YOU GO THROUGH SOME REALLY INCONVENIENT AND TERRIBLE SHIT FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG#BEFORE YOU CAN FINALLY KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!!!#and. this might sound stupid. because unfortunately i have something up with my brain that causes me to have specific thought processes#(another thing i probably won't figure out what it's being caused by for some years(#but like. i know a cane will help me. ill be able to use it to walk for slightly longer so i can sit down safely somewhere.#but I don't want to get one until i officially KNOW what i have. because what if its something that can be easily fixed.#like a new medication or change in habit or something#then i wont NEED it. and that makes me feel preemptive guilt#so. god knows how long ill be dealing with my symptoms before i can actually get myself a tool that will help#and god knows how long ill be waiting to get this figured out!!#anyways um. stepping down from my soapbox.#i am doing alright. just had to fill out some paperwork and got pissed about it
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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Chat I swear to god whiteboard was working perfectly fine for me like two days ago and now suddenly for the past day it just won't fucking load no matter what browser or device I open it up on I ourhkgjrhkjg let me iiiiiiiinnn oughrkjghrkjhkj-

Please I am begging, if any of y'all have any wisdom or advice on this please lemme know oguhrkj this thing is driving me insane
#anyone know how the hell to fix this please anything. chat please i want to draw the blorbos#i mean my internet hasnt been great lately but i've been able to load whiteboard eventually in worse internet#now it just. pops up with the ''loading diagram please wait'' thing in the corner and never loads anything. it's just the blank whiteboard#i closed all my other tabs i even cleared some cache on google chrome and it still wont fucking LOAD what do you WANT from meeeeee :(#doodle rambles#whiteboard#whiteboard fox#whiteboardfox#my stuffs#girl help#doai#< it's that whiteboard
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idk but if i see the words "fix it" associated with a season 2 fic i'm just not gonna read it. like. sorry no i'm actually not interested in seeing how you think you would've done better than the arcane writers, but have so much fun with that <3
#idkkkk man#in my mind fix it fics seem like they should be reserved for things that were actual trashfires#despite any minor issues i may have with season 2#like the late seasons of supergirl#or pitch perfect 3 (affectionate)#arcane could never be on that level for me#even if the 'fixing' is just isha being alive i still get turned off#idk idk#missing MOMENTS fics however those are the SHIT#ignore this i woke up grumpy
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Repainted my nails and there are a bunch of air bubbles trying not to kill myself about it
#its just cuz the polish i used must be getting a bit old....now im regretting not using a different color#i have work tomorrow its too late to fix. ah well#these things are never as noticeable to others#im just a perfecfionist#*PERFECTIONIST. goddamnit
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What happened to the 3 posts a day?
... well that didn't happen.
When the queue started up again I was out of town and realized it was set wrong but couldn't fix it then, and when I got back home I literally almost died and then I forgor about it. So thank you for the reminder!!
That'll start up a few days from now, sorry about that!
#thank you anon... i completely forgot to change that <///3#and i never did fix my weird notif thing. so that doesn't help#i've been like wow this blog has been quiet lately but it's bc i'm not getting Any Notifs At All from it#anyway. i'm a professional i promise#not a bad idea#ask#admin
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I feel like at heart, perhaps I was born to be a loved by tumblr pathetic wet cat of a man…
#I get told I have the energy of a middle aged man quite often#I though that’s okay because then I can do many dad things… but I don’t think they meant#the dad with the football coach build who is suprsiringly sweet and is able to like lift cars and fix tires or something#I think they actually meant English professor with a skinnyish build and the dread that follows all academics throughout their lives#which I suppose is quite accurate.#I’m also a wise old elf#apparently#so I’ll take that!#I’m doing fine by the way#in fact best I’ve been since I became a teenager.. I think!#also I’ve recently taken up the role of a housespouse… all I’ve been doing lately is cooking cleaning and… dying hair?#I’m not complaining i used to never do any of those things#I feel quite fulfilled!#anyways when I’m struggling I like to think that hey#at least if I were a few decades older and in a tv show the people of tumblr would love me!#and some might hate how much attention i get… but I’m quite boring so I doubt I would actually have that much attention haha
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😓
#i'm having the worst day#i won't even get into it it's too embarassing and i've never been more disapointed in myself than now#if this won't work because of what i did or didn't do don't know how i'm ever gonna forgive myself or be happy in these next few months#anxiety is through the roof#i wish sm this can be fixed like one of the things i looked forward the most the last few months might fall apart#once in a lifetime opportunity or almost ... if it won't happen bc of me idk how i'm gonna live with myself#i'm so mad at myself i can't believe and idk how to cope with this#hopefully next week things will clear themselves up but now i still need to study for exams but i feel like i can't#bc how does it even matter compared i feel horrible#and everything anoys me sm i can't enjoy anything rn#and like this girl sharing the bathroom in the student home with me is so messy it's getting on my nerves but it's also just my mood#like i cleaned the sink only last week and she left a proper mess why can't she even clean up the toothpaste#like i'm not the cleanest person either but please it makes cleaning up so pointless if it doesn't stay clean at least for a bit#normally i wouldn't get worked up over this like it isn't new it's just this day and ik i should talk to her#but i can't deal with anyone rn i just wanna hide the way i feel rn#and i should text my bf back after i suggested meeting him before this happened but i'm in no mood rn#and i have just been horrible lately towards other people in the last weeks having no time for no one and especially towards him#and like i should do a better job communicating but i feel like he wouldn't get it but i still should do better#and it's also that i'm not sure if he's right for me anymore like we have so little in common i feel like sometimes he doesn't get me#but then he's also so sweet and i think part of me loves him still and i don't want it to end either#but he also deserves better than this than how i act and like i feel so bad#well it is more complex than that tbh i need relationship advice but i also can't even think abt it rn#because this other issue is consuming my mind rn and i feel so overhelmed#i can't deal with anything rn#rant#just needed to get that out#oh and i forgot to mention the most embarassing part of the bf situation#yeah like his personality is great but i also just really like him for his looks and how i'd miss kissing him bc it's great#and i feel like objectifying him or idkk#i just want to go to sleep and cry but i'm not even able to cry
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