#its another way of keeping eclipse from being too OP
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So the reason Eclipse probably got his own chatlog tags is because technically he is currently in his Solar Eclipse phase and like the smart lad he is, used their capabilities to incorporate his own headspace voice since that phase is all about being a really good conversationalist. The first instance of it happening did occur when Sun was scrambling for the front.
Ooorrr Eclipse just self-modified his code again in order to calm down Sun 😂
Ding ding ding!! Both are correct!
The Solar phase allowed Eclipse to access Sun's code and he automatically self-modified some of Sun's dialogue coding into his own programming so he could talk to and calm Sun. :D Unfortunately they couldn't sync enough for Eclipse to actually use the phase's conversational skills (because Sun was freaking out, so they weren't able to co-front properly), but on the plus side, the modification stuck afterwards!
#cypher's notes#ask#fnaf sb#fnaf sun#fnaf eclipse#sunny side up#the phases only work properly if both AI can co-function#its another way of keeping eclipse from being too OP
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Returning to Myself
The stolid palace keeps watch over its gardens of hedges, fountains, and statues all finely kept. A cold gray sun etched in royal stone looks down from the fortress walls, its wary eye held on buzzing tourists who snap up selfies at every photo-op.
The actual Spanish sun looming overhead is much less discriminating. It bears down on the whole city with accusing heat and spares neither tourist nor citizen.
I scope out a spot beneath the shadow of a magnolia, only slightly cooler, and begin keeping my own kind of watch.
Weeks have melted down to days. My time here in Madrid reaches its end. The dreaded return has nearly arrived and with it, things once gone begin to come again. Buried emotions, memories, meanings dig themselves up and demand my acknowledging. Contexts left behind in the fugue of America, of time, have found their way back to me. I am suddenly and frightfully faced with having to account for myself, for a me that I had hoped was gone.
The Gregory that I longed to become here in Spain will stay here, forever out of reach, forever just a dream. I will go back to America with myself, disappointed and disillusioned not so much in who I am now—I know I have grown however little—but in who I was and in who I fear I will become again.
By chance, my return will be marked by a celebration I am likewise unready for—my sister’s wedding. All I have to do is be there, participate, and be happy for her. But, I’m ashamed to admit it, it feels too soon to smile, too soon to pretend that I’m ok. Such an expectation of feeling joy seems impossible when all I’m feeling is loss.
I guess I’m still as selfish as I’ve always been.
I find myself afraid of the wedding, afraid I’ll fail my simple duties as a brother of just being there for my sister, afraid that my depression will eclipse her joy.
But above all I’m afraid of the wedding guests. The dreaded day will be a long-coming reunion with people from a dead past who only ever knew a dead Gregory—not the me from before Spain, but an even older me, a buried me. I wish I could say I fear their judgement, that conservative condemnation of who I am now. It would be easier perhaps, more sensible even. Unfortunately I don’t particularly value the opinions of people unseen since childhood.
Rather my fear is a fear of memory, of what these people represent in relation to me, the older me. It’s not the individual that is scary but their significance, their meaning. In reuniting with my sister’s wedding guests I will be reuniting with my past. I will be forced to face myself, the me I tried to abandon and forget so many years ago. And that terrifies me.
The Gregory of Arkansas is not a Gregory I’m proud of. I don’t want to think about him, to bring him back and affirm him. He embodies so much of what I hate about myself—that self-righteous, precocious, and utterly feeble child.
I wish I could leave him behind me, lost in the fog of half-remembered childhood memories with people and places I’d like to never see again. But that’s not how life works. This wedding is a reminder of that reality, a reminder that the Gregory of my past has never really gone away.
He is still me—not just a part of me, but fully me. We are the same. The stories of change and growth and transformation, the narratives of overcoming yourself and being born anew that run wild through my head are fantasies, illusions of a make-believe existence. My yearning to become someone different, to become someone better is fruitless.
His fear—of rejection, of trying and failing—are still my fears. His dreams—of being liked, of having value—are still my own. No matter how far I’ve claimed I’ve come, I’m still rooted to all his old tendencies, both his struggles and his blessings. Problems with procrastination, self-control, entitlement, and confidence continue to haunt me but at the same time I embrace my childhood creativity and curiosity too.
The truth is the Gregory that I am today is the same Gregory that I was yesterday and the same Gregory I will be tomorrow. The Gregory I am ashamed of, embarrassed of—that spoiled, indignant, bitter child—is not a separate Gregory from who I am now, neither from who I will be ten years from now. I never suddenly metamorphosed into a new me, never all at once shedding my old worn-out skin to reveal some proud, changed form. I didn’t one day decide to be ok with being gay and to start being more social and adventurous and to move to Spain for two and a half years leaving behind all my old hang-ups for good. The person that I am today—who lived on his own in a foreign country, who graduated university, who’s dated—is the person I’ve always been even back in high school, even back in Arkansas.
The Gregory of my past is not deserving of my embarrassment, of my abandonment. I am still him and he was always me. To throw him away, to deny his continued existence is to deny myself, to punish myself for crimes never actually committed. By hating a past me I cut myself down by the roots, never allowing myself to truly flourish. If I can’t accept myself for who I once was, how can I accept myself for who I am now? Or more, for who I will be?
Is it finally time to break from this cycle of shame, to stop only trading one form of repression for another, and make peace with all of myself—the whole Gregory?
If I can do that, maybe my return won’t be so bad.
June 2019-Jan 2020
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Episode 122: Tiger Philanthropist
“It’s like the sequel no one asked for.”
Adventure Time is technically a serial, but rather than one continuous story it’s a hodgepodge of multiple meandering plots that get checked up on at random over the course of its 283-episode run. For instance, minor character Maja the Sky Witch was introduced in Episode 133 (Sky Witch), yelling at the end that she’s planning “something big,” and we got that follow-up a full year later in Episode 166 (Something Big; let it not be said that these episodes aren’t named well). Virtually no mention of Maja was made between these episodes, but Something Big served as a direct sequel, beginning in the middle of a huge battle as if we knew it was coming, and we just went with it. That, for better and worse, is the spirit of Adventure Time's long-term structure. Episodes can be about any character in its vast world, and we jump around so much that it feels like anything could happen.
Steven Universe takes a different approach, aided by a singular focus on Steven's point of view. It also has distant sequel episodes, but it’s easier to keep track of these connected stories because of a more unified through-line. I mentioned in The New Crystal Gems that I’d like to see more character interactions that are restricted by this focus (give us an episode about Peridot making avant-garde metal-powered multi-instrumental music with Sour Cream, you cowards), but it’s still generally a positive from a plotting standpoint to keep things Steven-centric.
For the most part, I’m a huge fan of distant sequel episodes in both Adventure Time and Steven Universe despite them being such different beasts. But while the random “hey remember this storyline?” in media res variant works well in a zany show that bounces from plot to plot, Tiger Philanthropist is proof that this type of sequel doesn’t work quite as well on a show with a more traditional structure.
The premise of Tiger Philanthropist hinges on the idea that Steven and Amethyst have been wrestling this whole time. But, as we might see in an Adventure Time sequel episode, we’ve gotten zero references to this subplot between the first and second episode of the story. We never see Steven and Amethyst coming back from a gig. We never hear them talking about it in passing. We never see the tiger mask lying around to indicate recent use. The Brothers Construction and Good-Looking Gang even feel like Adventure Time one-off characters, as they’re for some reason never seen outside of a wrestling context despite Steven Universe otherwise doing pretty well at building a sense of reliable locals and background characters.
Bear in mind that we just had a whole arc about Amethyst’s inferiority complex in terms of physical ability, and at no point did the coping mechanism that she’s apparently been using this whole time come up. The thrust of Tiger Philanthropist is that she’s moved on from the need to use wrestling as an outlet for her issues, but when we haven’t even thought about Tiger Millionaire outside of a few Purple Puma cameos and maybe a poster or two early in our first season, it strains credibility to be told that she still was using wrestling as an outlet for her issues. I’m too focused on the hamfisted retconning to get invested in this story. It’s as if we got an episode about Garnet deciding to stop going to the arcade and Steven is bummed because oh by the way we forgot to mention it but she and Steven have been playing co-op Meat Beat Mania every Thursday since Arcade Mania and it’s a major part of their relationship.
Steven Universe is at its weakest when the crew seemingly forgets key plot points: episodes like House Guest forget a character’s established personality, episodes like Sadie’s Song forget Steven’s development from bratty to empathetic, and both Malachite and Bismuth go unmentioned for huge swaths of the show during times when they would’ve been relevant to discuss or feature. Underground wrestling might be less pivotal than the long-term bubbling of an old friend, it’s just as frustrating for the thread to be completely ignored until it becomes relevant again. Because it’s not like the show always does this: look at Connie’s training, which has focus episodes here and there but is also background noise in other episodes to let it feel like a consistent part of her life. Mindful Education would’ve been a disaster if Connie started training in Sworn to the Sword and then we didn’t mention it at all until she accidentally tossed a classmate.
And really, imagine if at least one of the episodes in Amethyst’s big Act II arc was in the ring. We easily could’ve had Tiger Millionaire accidentally eclipsing Purple Puma as a catalyst for her self-doubt (among many other possibilities that this crew could conceive better than I) and it would’ve made Tiger Philanthropist feel so much better. But I can’t write about that, because that’s not what happened.
What sucks is that I love Tiger Millionaire and am all for more wrestling. Despite my snotty header quote choice about unwanted sequels, I was super excited for Tiger Philanthropist, and that glorious music brought me right back into the zone as the episode began. But the wind went right out of my sails when it became clear that we’re to believe Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma are fixtures of the wrestling scene, and that it’s an activity that’s super important to Steven as a way of bonding with Amethyst.
And there are plot elements here that, in an episode with better context, would get a chance to shine. In a world where we knew Amethyst and Steven were wrestling for around two years, this would’ve been a pretty emotional conclusion to a relationship that began in the show’s early days (not that Steven and Amethyst would stop hanging out, but it’s always bittersweet when an important phase of your life is over). It would’ve served as a great acknowledgment of how Amethyst has moved on with her life if we saw the part of her life she was moving on from. We could’ve felt Steven’s sense of loss, and the surge of relief when Purple Puma returns for one last ride. If you transported this exact episode into a series that built up to it in any way, it would be a classic. But we aren’t watching that series.
It’s a little fun that I’m unsatisfied with a follow-up where an entertainer reacts to a fan being unsatisfied with a follow-up. Much like Season 2′s Mombo Combo, two thematically linked episodes about moms separating the Week of Sardonyx from Peridemption, we get two episodes in a row about fan interaction to buffer Steven’s long day in space from the continuation of his mother issues culminating in another trip to space. Unfortunately I can’t think of as good a name for Rocknaldo and Tiger Philanthropist as a unit as “Mombo Combo” (the Fandom Menace?) but nobody’s perfect.
Lars plays a fascinating role here, because the easy option would be making him an entitled fan a la Ronaldo who wants things to go just the way he likes. And to be clear, Lars does want things to go a certain way. But he’s not dictating the terms or saying he needs Tiger Millionaire to act exactly how he wants, he’s just frustrated by a new development that seems out of step with his favorite wrestler. Even when asked directly about what he'd like to happen, Lars doesn’t know, because he hasn’t confused his fandom with the notion that he gets to dictate the specifics about the thing he likes.
(I try to be the same way, but I also definitely wrote a spiel about how Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma should’ve been present during Amethyst’s latest arc like five paragraphs ago. Again, nobody’s perfect.)
It helps that Lars doesn’t understand that Steven is Tiger Millionaire (a repeat gag that I’d probably find funnier if I felt more charitable about the episode), so he’s unaware that he’s speaking with the creator of the content he enjoys; perhaps he’d be singing a different tune if he knew the truth. But as it is, we get a surprisingly generous interpretation of a demanding fan, allowing us to see the ethos behind Lars’s disappointment instead of writing him off as an entitled fanboy with impossible expectations. The timing of Tiger Philanthropist fits perfectly with Lars’s imminent moment in the sun, as he’s still prickly but has enough layers by now that I don’t roll my eyes too hard when he up and calls himself complex.
I don’t talk about the visuals of this show as much as I should, considering how creative the settings and weird alien vehicles and structures can get. But it bears mentioning that, aside from some weird conspicuous computer graphics for falling money, Tiger Philanthropist looks great. The stylized snapshots provide moments of goofy flair to the mix, and the heightened drama of the ring leads to some excellent lighting that shadows Steven’s face as a hooded stranger and makes Purple Puma look like an honest-to-goodness superhero. We get fun choreography and costumes befitting a wrestling episode, and some premium character expressions throughout.
And it’s funny! Colton Dunn remains a worthy successor to Sinbad, giving us not one but two great gags of Mr. Smiley joyfully defining a word to the audience (both in the ring and at home); explaining “philanthropist” is funny enough on its own for how cheesy it is, but I’m really tickled that he gives the same weight to “sea wasp.” Really, this episode has so much going for it if the central idea wasn’t such a misfire.
As you may have guessed by this review, I obviously think it’s valid to criticize aspects of art that you don’t like. So in theory, it sounds awesome to have artists respond to such criticism to make a product that you as a fan enjoy more. But we now live in an age where absolute garbage like CinemaSins allows people to pretend that productive criticism is just nitpicks, an inability or refusal to understand basic nuance, and frankly bigoted ideas about what certain people are capable of doing (if you have half an hour to spare, Everything Wrong About Everything Wrong About Civil War delightfully gets into all three!). It’s a double-edged sword, because creators listening to fans perhaps isn’t inherently bad, but a desperation to fill in “plot holes” at the expense of good storytelling is detrimental to modern storytelling (if you have another half an hour to spare, watch Lindsay Ellis’s take on Beauty and the Beast for more on this; this is a review with homework!). And this is on top of the potential of harassment covered in Rocknaldo, which not even the lousiest content creator deserves.
Tiger Philanthropist isn’t about bad faith criticism, as Lars’s views are from a sincere place, but its message of not treating fans like bosses is a valid response to fandoms who want more and more influence over the direction of an artist’s work. Which could’ve veered towards self-importance or hackneyed nods to the camera, so I appreciate that I never feel pulled out of this element of the story. We never shift from a regular episode of the show to a screed from the animators, and again, Lars isn’t villainized for not enjoying Tiger Millionaire’s face turn. Combined with Rocknaldo, we can see how important good boundaries between fans and creators can be, both for the well-being of the people involved and the quality of the art being created. Shirt Club gave us a tribute to making art, and the Fandom Menace (it’s growing on me) sees a more experienced team of animators commenting on a specific issue when creating popular art, all while not coming across as bitter or self-congratulatory. If only they’d done it in an episode with more buildup!
Obviously the creation of a big letdown wasn’t the intent of the crew, despite how neat it’d be to demonstrate fan disappointment through a purposefully disappointing episode. Rarely do I feel like effort isn’t made to produce a good episode of Steven Universe, and as seen in its strengths, Tiger Philanthropist isn’t lazy. Which makes it a little more frustrating than if they phoned it in, because we’ve got jokes and visuals and a great message but none of it matters when the conflict they wrote requires a backstory they didn’t have. If you’re gonna make an episode about the end of a continuity, it’s critical for literally any amount of that continuity to be established beyond one wayward story over a hundred episodes ago. As it is, I couldn’t wait for this episode to retire.
We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
Tiger Philanthropist was a huge disappointment, but I wouldn’t consider it bad enough to go on my No Thanks! list. With a different leadup of episodes it would be great, or at least fine; it just suffers from a plot that comes out of nowhere. Context can’t salvage my bottom list, which are episodes I just don’t like period. Still, if I was doing more thorough ranking, it’s probably in my bottom ten.
Top Twenty
Steven and the Stevens
Hit the Diamond
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
Last One Out of Beach City
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Mindful Education
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Earthlings
Mr. Greg
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Beach City Drift
Winter Forecast
Bismuth
Steven’s Dream
Love ‘em
Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2: The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Chille Tid
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Catch and Release
When It Rains
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2
Same Old World
The New Lars
Monster Reunion
Alone at Sea
Crack the Whip
Beta
Back to the Moon
Kindergarten Kid
Buddy’s Book
Gem Harvest
Three Gems and a Baby
That Will Be All
The New Crystal Gems
Storm in the Room
Like ‘em
Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
The Message
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Tides
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far
Barn Mates
Steven Floats
Drop Beat Dad
Too Short to Ride
Restaurant Wars
Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service
Greg the Babysitter
Gem Hunt
Steven vs. Amethyst
Bubbled
Adventures in Light Distortion
Gem Heist
The Zoo
Rocknaldo
Enh
Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle
Super Watermelon Island
Gem Drill
Know Your Fusion
Future Boy Zoltron
Tiger Philanthropist
No Thanks!
6. Horror Club 5. Fusion Cuisine 4. House Guest 3. Onion Gang 2. Sadie’s Song 1. Island Adventure
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I Shat Myself In the Forbidden City!
As vacations go, a twelve-day vacation to India and three-day extension to China seemed ideal, especially because my eldest daughter was gifting me the experience simply because I had expressed an interest in joining her on her first journey to India. She had always had an interest in the music, dance, and artistry of India so when she had mentioned it to me, I found a solid tourist opportunity and before I knew it, we were buying luggage and clothing suitable for such an exotic location.
India was magnificent. There was so much to see, taste, and smell that it was almost sensory overload at times, but it was undoubtedly one of the most amazing things we have ever done together. For one thing, the country is self-contained –the Indian farmers literally grow and cultivate all of the foods and spices they use in their many dishes, which means that they need not import/export goods. People can be quite kind and also quite pushy, as the usual stateside boundaries between people means very little in a country that boasts over a billion people, many of whom are simply bartering services or trying to sell tourists something. Colors and scents permeate every single available space like the abandoned cows, meandering water buffalo and elephants, corralled camels and homeless dogs draw one’s eye.
Before we left for our trip, I was consumed with worry that I would not be able to eat in either India or China, having given up meats, never having eaten Indian dishes due to allergies, and having abandoned Chinese food due to a poisoned shrimp roll years beforehand. I need not have worried though, because the foods on offer were astounding; not only was there an array of fresh fruits and vegetables, but I discovered that grilled veggies and hakka noodles are literally one of the most splendid offerings that any tourist could hope to be discovered! In addition, the desserts and bread easily eclipsed the most notorious of Indian dishes.
I must say that India surprised me at every turn– from the tiger preserve with over 200 native species of birds and tigers in hiding, an outdoor shower and the rich aroma of local fauna, to Jaipur with its pink stone structures, Dehli with its systemic caste norms and its astoundingly intricate traffic patterns, dancing with locals during Holi Festival to a private tourist party where we really cut loose, India amazed. Witnessing the genius of the Taj Mahal, the mini Taj and elephants on parade, marching 30 miles to the top echelon of his majesty’s interior courtyard and visiting the royal chambers, learning about India and Pakistan, and the most amazing tour guide made leaving India quite difficult–in fact, getting out of India was simplistic whereas getting into the country had taken several hours in the middle of the night.
China awaited, but our quaint group was now in disarray because few people vacationed forward for the three-day excursion. Chinese officials at the airport made entering the country horrific. It is one thing to be cautious, but the group found themselves re-writing clearance documents and opening every piece of luggage, and we stood paralyzed by the shock of unopened items being confiscated for no apparent reason, hotel maids removing complimentary boxes of everything from sewing thread to soaps and lotions from the hotel rooms once we had finally arrived, and there existed a very specific sense of being tourists–well at least compared to being in Indian where every single person, no matter their station made tourists feel welcomed and valued for being human beings (and sometimes a meal ticket).
In the three days we spent in China, we ate a “gourmet” meal in a mall, visited the Olympics Park and saw the birds’ nest stadium, still in practical use. As Americans, we were advised to how useful the Chinese people are about using what they create as opposed to the waste of Americanism. We walked the streets in Beijing and were astounded at the weight of the sooted air and the immaculate streets that one dare not drop a dime upon, lest they find themselves whisked away by the hordes of police officers that stationed themselves on any given walkway. There was a jade factory and museum trip and dinner insulated between the Olympics Park foray and Tiananmen Square, and the Mao Tse Tung gateways, but the part of the trip that will never let me forget China is our last day.
We awoke in a breathtaking hotel room, high above the Olympic Park–who knows which athletes must have awaited their turn to shine on the international stage, but I am sure that at least one or two enjoyed our room at one time during the Olympics tournament. Breakfast, like all meals in China, is one in which one must be certain of their food choices and portions–it is extremely rude to partake of food and waste it, specifically in Chinese culture, so I was excited when I saw what looked like an Americanized side of the buffet breakfast bar. There were waffles and eggs, beautifully prepared and I was famished, having been quite sick the day beforehand and my legs were starting to show signs of revolt; I suffer from poor cartilage and damage to my knees as well as bunions that cause my back and legs a lot of pain in addition to my feet–damned flat feet. Anyway, breakfast looked promising and even though I gulped down my vitamins and allergy pills, and charcoal tabs to curb poisoning should it happen, I made a terrible mistake….
Did you ever notice how much soy, heated in a vat on a breakfast buffet, looks uncharacteristically like syrup? Well, good for you, but guess who did not notice its rancid stench and erroneously drizzled “lots” of syrup on the waffles?? I was immediately overcome by the realization of my mistake, but there it was, plain as day on the plate. I was not going to be “that” wasteful prick of an American so I tried not to breathe as I gulped down the now-spoiled meal and ran silently to the room where I tried to brush away the lingering taste on my tongue.
I would have purged the breakfast too, but it was time to leave for the Forbidden City, something that I was really excited to do, so I made my way to the group and off we went. To put it into perspective, the Forbidden City is literally miles upon miles of courtyards and walls, statues and guard posts, long before one gets to the inner workings of the palace. There are many guards and four checkpoints, but only one bathroom near the first checkpoint promised Americanized toilets in addition to squats, and as I am of an age that requires such checkpoints, I made my way to the bathroom. However, the line was long and breakfast was swiftly churning inside of me. We had walked from the hotel to the Forbidden City, taken several photo ops, and bid our time as we made our way inside the first gate, a massive set of ancient doors that could easily scare the bejeezus out of any invading army, and all that movement not only irritated my legs, but I was really starting to feel sick.
There I stood, waiting and making small talk with others from our group, until there was just myself and one other person from our group ahead of me. When she realized that these were, in fact, all squats and only one precious Americanized toilet, she dug her heels in and began commiserating with another person. By this point, I could feel my insides churning and I was ready to cry because every toilet stall was in use. I was trying to do something between shimmying n place to standing deathly still for fear that my insides would betray me. I was worried about an overly loud intestine rumble or a fart to rock the ages, but just then, I felt a panic that I had b never even felt during birth-a task that I took on 4 times– I felt my body mocking me and my stupidity for mistaking soy with syrup.
I pushed past my complaining companion and ran into the first available stall, one 6 doors to my right and across the aisle. I opened the door and the trashcan was overflowing with sanitary napkins and toilet paper. The squat was in the middle of the floor and like most stupid American jeans, my fkg pants refused to unbutton and the zipper decided that this was the moment to get stuck. I almost screamed in agony at the pressure of trying to un- wrangle my ass from my clothing and unpack sanitary wet wipes and the realization that I would never leave this stall if the slime from within seeped out before I got my pants down and positioned over the squat. The hole in the ground was far out of my visibility at this point as I was trying, unsuccessfully, to control the lava that exploded from my anus into the squat’s opening. The floor was wet where people had used water bottles to cleanse themselves and because of my bag and jacket, I could barely keep my garments clear of the deluge of what I was sure was poisoned Chinese foods.
At last, I was able to get the wipes in position to cleanse myself and that is when it happened…when I looked down and realized that I had positioned myself so as not to fall into the hole’s opening, but I completely missed the damned thing and soiled the toilet’s rear perimeter in a manner that even a baby’s soiled diaper would whimper from comparison. I barely managed to get myself wiped and dressed without falling into the slime, but just then a stranger yanked at the door. I begged her to get help, to save herself and back away, to stop staring at me as the tears welled heavily against my lids and slid down like a dam’s breaking against my crimsonly embarrassed cheek, but her pretty asian face clearly misunderstood and she stood there, staring at the disgusting filth that was inescapable.
I ran to the sinks and scrubbed my hands, waving away anyone who dared to follow her gaze and I tried to find someone to help me, but I recoiled at my shame and finally ran to my daughter in tears. She had no choice, but to hold back he natural inclination to burst into laughter as I cried into her ear, “I shat myself in the Forbidden City!” As is her way, she consoled me and made sure that I was not wearing any of the soil on my person before we crossed the immense vastness of the courtyard and lost ourselves in the palace’s secrets.
Even the Great Wall of China, blowing my knee completely on its steep incline, and finding an Americanized bathroom for my daughter on the premises that night paled in the shock and horror of being “that shitty American.”
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Year of Exams

Two days ago I bought some flowers from the reject corner of the grocery store and a very fancy notebook. I had just lost out on an apartment I wanted, a change I had been counting on. Housing that I might actually want to live in. This post is an extension of the notebook - two products of growing anger that the main reason I am in Kansas is the last thing on my list time and again because of the banalities and dramas swirling around me.
The first thing I’m putting in this notebook will be conversation notes, which I won't document here. I take notes religiously, not because I take great notes (I don’t) but because it helps me to actively pay attention when I am reading or in class. But I’ve realized I talk to people all the time and never document any of it beyond post-it notes, which is absurd because so much of why I moved here was to talk to people. I will also write about my thoughts related to my research, starting with thoughts about my exam fields, which this post and hopefully the posts that follow will reflect, with some omissions and additions. It’s not meant to be a transcription. Then, and more often than not, I want to post about what I am reading, with or without commentary (1).
I need a space of my life that is about my project even though I “don’t have one.” I need an outlet that doesn’t have to be aesthetically beautiful or well written, and something that is distanced from the rest of my social media that requires (”requires”) balancing the personal, entertaining, and political, always with great care for the “friends” who can see this or can’t see that. I want to be one-note, selfish, and rambly. This space is public enough for a level of accountability, I think, but still private enough in the sense that I know no one will realistically be reading. Posting here also doesn’t require any distracting web building on my part, which I know could easily bog me down instead of lift me up.
So now (and something I’ve been avoiding thinking about as I “get settled” for six weeks), my fields... I’ve been playing with them self consciously because they do feel like huge commitments/opportunities to get familiar and find where I fit, but also, and most importantly, because the idea of trying to be an expert in anything is nauseating (2).
But I’ve been playing with (in blips, nothing sustained) my bookshelves. All these giant presences in my life, little rectangles staring at me in my tiny, used-to-be-a-porch bedroom/office/storage facility at the co-op I’ve been staying at for almost a year now. I actually stacked up all the fiction I have on my desk to get it out of the way the other week. So first, a recent revelation. Last spring and this spring I’ve TA’d for my advisor who assigns Du Bois and Richard Wright early on to mostly first years in an intro American Studies course. It’s my favorite week. It inspired me to assign Invisible Man + the same Wright reading to my students last summer. It reminds me of taking my senior folklore class where I read Richard Wright, Alice Walker, Ralph Ellison, Randall Kenan, and Ernest Gaines all for the first time. This was the same year I read Toni Morrison’s work too, just (”just”) Beloved and Paradise. Part of what I loved about American Studies as an undergrad was all the literature. What isn’t given any space to breathe seems to bubble up elsewhere, screams like a kettle too. It punctuated my last bit of time there in a very particular way I didn’t expect (thinking semicolon, maybe ellipses). I looked back at the stack of fiction on my desk and thought “not everybody’s bookshelves look like this.” I’ve been breezing past this influence when thinking about my research interests, even as it shows up everywhere else.
So I owe it to myself to take this more seriously. I am still hesitant, though, because then I wonder where does Poe fit, and the “closets of their own” I wrote about in a paper ages ago when I was still checking off boxes (3)? Where does Lemus fit, the author of the book I’ve spent a year writing about with hopes of publishing (4)? And the quieter worry that I’m straying from the queer studies work I promised, or at least promised myself. That word that’s been ripped away from me, before I was born it looks like, that makes me wince when I read it, shift in my seat when I hear it, increasingly disenchanted. Ashamed to use it.
I remember the first theory, if I can call it that, I learned in an American Studies class. A term pulled, not out of an explicit piece of theory but from a short piece by Wil Haygood that talks about the “ears of whites” being “placed at awkward angles” (5). The class was on the ethics of stand up and we talked, sort of, about what it meant to have one’s ears at “awkward angles.” That concept is something I have carried with me for some content-specific reasons. More broadly, though, and leading to how I found what I think might be another field, it taught me a particular freedom while reading. I have been taught and teach others now the skill of pulling central arguments from texts. But what about that tiny word, in this case a phrase, that lights up? Or something “off topic” or secondary that feels central? Something that stretches you or preoccupies you. Along with recognizing that tilt of the head, the power of that twinge of discomfort... focusing on that single phrase gave me permission, a model, that I could latch onto things, notice things, value the details, zero in and then magnify.
Last June, I read Seth Kotch’s book on the death penalty in North Carolina (6). I don’t remember why I read it at that particular time so intently, just that I ordered it specially from the Raven and picked it up after dropping off Kelsey Carls after our Kansas City commute. The part in particular I’ve been consumed by is less than a paragraph, a tiny moment that states that burglary was a capital crime in the state until the 1940s because it implied rape, at least (”at least”) attempted rape (by a black man, towards a white woman). The potential was actionable, conveniently leaving the white women’s virtue in tact.
What I have been struggling with is whether this is a striking fact that expands my understanding of the already substantial existing scholarship discussing black masculinity and white womanhood, or if this a jumping off point?
In this and a stack of other texts the logic has its foundation in public (white) sentiment. I am interested in the distribution of surveillance and privacy, and the power surrounding it that is so consistently rooted in vague “feelings,” unsubstantiated “fears,” that are given more credit than any material reality. And does this recurring, viciously powerful “public sentiment” mean I can, or should, show up at the door with all the affect I’ve been torturing myself with reading?
I don’t actually agonize over figuring this all out or making all the right choices on the first try. But there is finite time and finite money, and I have to start somewhere, and I’m excited. It’s already March for heaven’s sake. Nothing else I write here will be this long or I’ll never get a move on.
__________________________________
1. What I don’t need is a public diary and what I definitely don’t need is another venue to wax about teaching, funding, coursework, or various dramas. All valid, all important, all interrelated, and all hard to keep from eclipsing conversations about my work.
2. And I mean anything. I can come up with an excuse for why anything is not appropriate. Anything that feels like it’s none of my business, anything that feels stereotypical or trendy, anything over my head, just anything. Which leaves me with nothing, which makes sense. Because it doesn’t feel right that I would be or aspire to be an expert of any kind. Because people like me shouldn’t be experts (or, inevitably, pretend to be experts) in anything. So that’s a cloud over everything that’ll choke me to death if I let it.
3. Poe, The Murders in the Rue Morgue.
4. Lemus, Trace Elements of Random Tea Parties. The helicopters, ya’ll, damn.
5. Haygood, “Why Negro Humor is so Black.”
6. Kotch, Lethal State: A History of the Death Penalty in North Carolina.
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Bookshelf Briefs 3/26/19
Anonymous Noise, Vol. 13 | By Ryoko Fukuyama | Viz Media – I’m not quite sure if the artist is going for “being happy in love damages your creativity” or “being with the wrong guy damages your creativity,” but either way I’m not wild about the fact that Nino is having trouble singing again after her confession to Momo. Yuzu’s forceful kiss is not really helping there, either. That said, it certainly helps keep up the potboiler aspect of this. I was more interested in Kurose and An, as even if she’s clearly a “last-minute pairing” addition, I like her style, and honestly Kurose is better off with her, though we aren’t there yet. Add to that the fact that the volume runs short so we can have another of the author’s early short stories, and it’s only an okay volume. – Sean Gaffney
As Miss Beelzebub Likes, Vol. 5 | By Matoba | Yen Press – We get a lot more of Sacchan in this volume, and that helps explain why the anime expanded her role as well. Clearly she’s more popular as a blushing mess than she is as a violent stoic, and so that’s what we see here, as she clearly likes Astaroth but his playboy tendencies and her self-image issues torpedo any chances. As for Mullin and Beel, anime-watchers will no doubt recognize the cherry blossom chapters, but they’re sweet, and also help to give a bit of backstory to Pandemonium, which is getting to be less “Hell” and more “we’re moving to the next town over” in terms of wars with God. Still as light as a feather, but cute and sweet. – Sean Gaffney
Candy Color Paradox, Vol. 1 | By Isaku Natsume | SuBLime – Onoe is a journalist working for a weekly magazine and he’s less than enthused when he’s assigned to partner with Motoharu Kaburagi, a photographer whom he considers his rival. Worse, it appears that Kaburagi has never even noticed him. When they go out on assignments together, Onoe keeps screwing up and eventually becomes downright incompetent at his job after he realizes he’s attracted to Kaburagi. Kaburagi notices, of course, and somehow finds Onoe’s tsundere-tastic protestations to the contrary endearing, so ends up falling in love with him. The parts of this volume I liked best were the few pages where they’re working together successfully and getting scoops, but now that they’re officially a couple, I’m pretty sure journalism is not going to be the focus. I’ll give it one more volume at least to see how it goes. – Michelle Smith
Log Horizon: The West Wind Brigade, Vol. 11 | By Koyuki and Mamare Touno | Yen Press – “The operation was a success but the patient died” would be a good summary of the final volume of West Wind Brigade, as Kuroe is able to revive and save everyone, but the cost is very high. It’s a surprisingly serious ending to what has been a relatively light-hearted spinoff, so it makes sense that the actual ending is a festival with everyone trying to get Soujirou to take them around. This whole thing taking place in the first five or so volumes of Log Horizon, there’s not really a lot of plot-advancement it can do, though we see Shiro at the end, despairing about Soujirou’s harem and also talking about the nature of the world they’re in. This was fun. – Sean Gaffney
Love in Focus, Vol. 1 | By Yoko Nogiri | Kodansha Comics – I did very much enjoy this volume, for those worried about a “Vol. 1” appearing in Bookshelf Briefs; it’s just I don’t have much to say about it. It’s cute. It reminds me a lot of Shortcake Cake, though the dorm situation is most likely why. Mako is attending a high school far from her home due to its photography club, and bonds with a sullen dark-haired boy with a secret past and her childhood blond-haired friend who “sees her as a sister,” except that’s totally not true. A love triangle is in the works, though as with most of these series the final result is pretty obvious from the get go. It’s only three volumes, though, so I’m happy to read more of it. – Sean Gaffney
Love Massage: Melting Beauty Treatment, Vol. 1 | By Toki Sunazuka | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – Honestly, I don’t know what compelled me to read this. It’s exactly what you would expect, going by the cover. Shiho Sannomiya is a lonely office worker who is surprised when handsome Haruki Toudou shows up when she schedules an in-home massage. She immediately begins sexually fantasizing about him, which makes it awkward when he’s transferred to her workplace. Dreams become reality when they immediately start making out. Various interruptions prevent them from doing the deed, including a note from another female client that leads Shiho to feel foolish for feeling special. But not to fear, for Haruki has immediately fallen in love with her! Everything happens swiftly and with zero depth whatsoever. I shan’t be reading volume two. – Michelle Smith
Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic, Vol. 34 | By Shinobu Ohtaka | Viz Media – I avoided reading this for a while as I knew what was coming. Yes, Sinbad has a plan, and that plan involves mind-controlling everyone into being totally fine with being killed and “reborn” in a better world. This unfortunately includes Morgiana, though at least she seems to be fighting it off. It does not include Judar and Harukyu, however, who were too evil to be affected, apparently. And so now they have to go battle Sinbad, which means conquering all the dungeons that he conquered when he was younger. This is pretty much the last arc of this title, so it makes sense that we’re back to dungeon crawling after so long. I do wish Morgiana could be part of it, though. – Sean Gaffney
Skip Beat!, Vol. 42 | By Yoshiki Nakamura | Viz Media – After the last couple of volumes showed Kyoko’s growth as an actress, it makes sense that here we see she has a ways to go. In particular, her concentration is very touch-and-go, and almost loses her the role when she gets distracted. Thank goodness for Moko, then, who saves her butt, though she has to endure a little bit of devotion afterwards. It’s a kickass moment for her, but the cliffhanger worries me—I suspect we will not be seeing the Kyoko/Momo show we’ve all been waiting for. Still, there’s some fantastic acting here from Kyoko, as well as seeing how far an actress will go to win a role. Skip Beat! doesn’t come out as often anymore, but I’m always waiting for it. – Sean Gaffney
Sword Art Online: Girls’ Ops, Vol. 5 | By Neko Nekobyou and Reki Kawahara | Yen Press – This was popular enough to get a second arc, so we get a new character, a complete newbie whose friends seem to enjoy fucking with her because she’s pretty gullible. Fortunately, she runs into our heroines, who help to set things straight. They also run into an old face from SAO… or rather from SAO Progressive, who hasn’t met the main cast here but is very familiar with Kirito and Asuna. And they’re going to need all the help they can get, as they’ve got to take on a new quest that has another group wanting it far more… enough to pay big money for it… or just beat them up for it. This isn’t as sweet and fluffy as it was before, but it’s lots of fun. – Sean Gaffney
Total Eclipse of the Eternal Heart | By Syundei | Seven Seas – Go For It, Nakamura! was one of my favorite manga released last year, so I was very excited when another of Syundei’s works was licensed. Be warned, though—the two volumes are vastly different in tone. While there are a few adorable and heartwarming moments to be found in Total Eclipse of the Eternal Heart, it is still very much a horror manga. If anything, the incongruity of its charming elements actually contributes to the underlying unease and disquieting mood of a story about serial killings, reincarnation, revenge, and corrupted love. It’s a blood-soaked and disturbing tale, and deliberately so. Admittedly, the dramatic climax does bring the volume to a rather abrupt and somewhat unexpected close, but overall Total Eclipse of the Eternal Heart is horror that is both effective and affective. I very much appreciate the creator’s versatility and sincerely hope to see more of Syundei’s manga translated. – Ash Brown
By: Ash Brown
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What would the insurance be for my 17 year old sister who wants to buy a 2006 mitsubishi eclipse. A student, good driver, took all the classes in school.""
""Can I report my (former) car insurance to someone, Texas?""
I was insured with a cut rate car insurance company because I needed a SR22 for no insurance from many, many, years ago that finally did catch up to me just now. Anyway, I was having my payment drafted out of my debit card each month. Well a few days before my insurance was due I realized that I unexpectedly was going to be short. It was due one day & I didn't get paid for another 2 days. So I called up my agent & explained the situation & asked if my policy had a grace period? They put me on hold to check. They came back on the telephone & said yes I had 7 days from the date it was due. They said I would be fine cause I got paid 2 days later. Well I go back up there a couple of days later to make my payment. Mind you, I'm still well w/in the grace period. The computer would not take my payment. The agent made a call, then spoke to someone, & then informed me my insurance was dropped for lack of payment. I was like whoa I was told I had a full week grace period She said to me Well, when you called you didn't inform us that you had your insurance drafted from your debit card. I was like A) Y'all didn't ask when I called & B) How in the world would I know to tell you that? Especially since y'all never asked. They basically said Oh well. She did make it clear that if I had not had auto drafting that the grace period would still stand. Maybe I'm clueless but I never had an incident where I was ever late on my car insurance. Now my DL is suspended. I don't know if this place gets a kick back by starting over my insurance w/a whole new policy. If I had had started over again the rate would jump & I would have to repay them to refile my SR22. Is that legal?? Like I said what do I know????""
Insurance troubles while pregnant?
Did you have any drama with insurance coverage or any insurance problems when you were pregnant? If so, what happened?""
How much is comprehensive insurance for a Kawasaki ninja 250r?
I'm 20, never had a crash nor any fines, am on my graded license (just off l's) have done rider safety courses and have a 2008 Kawasaki ninja 250r and live in queensland (australia). i just want to get a general idea of the cost""
How much would insurance cost for a 2010 Camaro?
My mom told me if I get a 3.0 this semester and throw in about 5,000 dollars to help then she would get me a 2010 camaro for christmas next year. She said it has to be the v6 base model. I'm 16 years old, a junior in highschool, a guy, my grades are decent, and the cars gunna be white with black stripes, not sure if that affects the price, but its gunna be automatic and my First car. I know some people think are gunna say im stupid for spending soo much on a first car but I really don't need to hear that from you. All I need to know is how much insurance is going to be since im the one paying for that with a part time job.. so what do you think is the cheapest my insurance will be?""
What is the difference between permanent life insurance and whole life insurance?
I'm taking a class on finance, and I'm really confused about this concept. If it helps, here's what my textbook says: Permanent life insurance continues until the premiums are stopped or the death benefits are paid out. The cash value of the insurance increases as the premiums accumulate. With whole life insurance, the premiums, death benefits, and cash value of the insurance remain fixed. At the time of the insured's death, the cash value of the insurance becomes the insurance company's and the death benefits are paid to the beneficiaries.""
insurance coverage
insurance coverage
How much will car insurance be for my 146 year old mother?
How much will car insurance be for my 146 year old mother?
""I'm a 20 year old girl who has just passed my driving test,whats the best small car for insurance,as I dont kn
The car will be roughly 5 or 6 years old it goes by insurance band levels WHICH i AM LOST WITH
""If i just got my permit, can i drive my moms car without insurance?
I just got my permit and want to drive my moms car. Do i have to be on her insurance if i only have a permit?
Car Insurance coverage?
I was driving in a dirt parking lot at my school, I drove over some 3 foot tall weeds, I didn't see there was rocks underneath and as a result, damage to the under carriage occurred to my vehicle as follows: 1. Radiator crack 2. Transmission oil pan bent, 3. Exhaust damage total est cost $1,800 I am wondering whether or not this will be covered by insurance this happened yesterday I have not yet contacted my insurance company it occurred within 100 Yards of a paved road.""
How long after an accident can I file an insurance claim in NY?
About 2 weeks ago I slipped off an icy road, drove my van into the woods on state land. There was no property damage, this is a very rural area (as in no homes within 5 miles at least). It did take out my rear corner window, crushed my headlights and damaged my hood. I drove right out of the woods afterwards. I was going to do the repairs myself, but found out the window repair would be over $500 and for that price I might as well file a claim and get the rest fixed. My questions are: Is it too late to file a claim? Are there any legal ramifications for not reporting this accident?""
Motorcycle Insurance Question?
I was wondering how much insurance would cost for a 16 year old in California, driving a Ninja 500r would be. New driver, taken safety course, and stored in garage. What companies would insure me (I heard geico and progressive were good), and how much would it cost? Also what is the minimum amount of motorcycle insurance needed? Please answer with as much detail as possible. Thanks""
""19, need affordable health insurance?""
I need to be more independent and get my own health insurance. I'm a full time student and my university offers a health insurance plan that costs a little under $2,000 per year but someone told me I should first look into plans available through the Affordable Care Act. How do I find an affordable plan right for me? I'm not even sure which professionals to ask about it..""
Maternity Insurance?
I'm looking for health insurance that I can have for basic coverage, and at somepoint (if needed) add maternity coverage. Everything I have looked at so far will only cover ...show more""
What is the cheapest n nastiest car insurance I can possibly take out?
I'm 26, just got my license, have 0 years no claims bonus... What is the cheapest car insurance I can get? I don't care if they cover me for hardly anything... Also will they insure me on a Toyato Celica 1.8 VVTI 3DR 2000 I want the cheapest of the cheap guys!! Suggestions??""
How soon after purchasing a car do you need to get insurance?
i live in florida and i just bought used vehicle... how long do i have to purchase insurance... also can i register the vehicle without insurance?
Who knows a cheap health insurances?
Please does anyone know of a better and affordable health insurances, I am expecting so I really need to have insurance otherwise I can't afford the bills.""
How do health insurance deductibles work?
I'm looking at individual health insurance plans. All of them say they have a deductable of $500 - $5000. I'm reading the plan overview and it's explaining what the plan covers. It says prescriptions are covered after deductible, office visits are covered after deductible, and so on. Does this mean if a plan has a $5000 deductible that the health insurance company will not cover anything until after I've paid $5000 out of pocket on healthcare? Does that mean that if I had to go to the emergency room i'd have to pay for it myself until I've paid up to $5000? I'm really confused. I want to get temporary health coverage, but I don't see what the point is if I'm going to have to pay out of pocket anyways. Does anyone know how this deductible stuff works? I'd appreciate the help. Thanks""
Car Insurance for a new driver?
I've been searching compare sites for a couple of days now having very recently passed my test (yay ). The best quote I have at the moment is 4,500. I have no convictions on my license and at 21 years old, I'm finding this pretty hard to believe. Surely something is wrong? On my mothers insurance (9 years no claims) I'm getting a quote, as an additional driver, at 2,500. Still pretty pricey wouldn't you agree? I'd love for some comments on this, I'm getting rather annoyed! Thanks.""
Do you think health care should be more affordable? If you answered yes....?
Does that mean you support Obamacare??? The Dems and THEIR pollsters say yes....... That's the only way the White House can claim that 66% of Americans support Obama's ...show more
What is the insurance price for me to buy an 05 Toyota Solara?
I am a 16 year old from MN and I was wondering how much it the insurance would cost to buy an 05 Solara. I have been a B student most of my life. I know that 2 door cars cost more than 4 door. just spill out some price it would be per month. Thanks
How much would a 1970 ford maverick cost to insure (roughly)?
I'm an 18 year old guy, completely okay with the minimum coverage. I see almost everyday this 1970 ford maverick coupe on my road, and was wondering how much it would cost to insure. I have no tickets and no accidents, as well as good grade discounts etc. don't need a specific number but an educated guess would be appreciated.""
How much does car insurance cost per month?
I'm turning 16 and getting my license and need to tart saving up. IDK if it matters but this is my car: 2000 Mazda 626
Liberals: You are required by law to purchase automobile insurance. Why not health insurance?
The reason you are required by law to purchase auto insurance is so that you cannot screw over society by making them pay for your car accidents when you can't pay for them yourself. Same with health insurance. People get sick and then others end up paying for them. It's much easier to require everyone to pay health insurance, just as with auto insurance. Do you agree?""
Baby insurance?
whats a cheap and reliable baby insurance? any advice? my sons a month old
""Where can I get insurance, I want to play a sport but I don't have insurance ?
So im thinking about joining sports in school but I don't have insurance and does state farm sell that kind of insurance or any other insurance company
How much does insurance generally cover in a minor accident?
I was backing out of a parking lot space and I backed into a newer Lexus! This was my first accident and I am 18 years old! The damage was kind of minor and the estimate came out to $568.00 *we didnt call 911 How much will my insurance cover? P.S.I have state farm auto insurance
Is it illegal for insurance companies to not insurance a Electric Car?
I was gonna Reserve a Nissan Leaf but wanted to know the insurance cost before. I called my insurance agent who's i'm good friends with and asked How much would insurance be on a Nissan Leaf cost? he said We nor any other insurance will insure it. i asked why and he said Oil Companies are paying them because if you cant get insurance on it, you'll have to go back to gas. Is it illegal for them to do this? I really want a green car.""
Which company does the cheapest car insurance?
I have moved house and when I changed my address the Insurance company wanted an additional premium of 298. As you can imagine I cancelled the policy. I am now looking for a cheap insurer I have golf GTI (150) and my new post code is classed as higher risk. any ideas ?
Buying auto insurance for the first time?
lets say the policy will cost me 3,000 dollars. When i first buy the policy, do i pay the whole 3k up front or do i pay it in increments (i.e, 1500 for the first 6 months, then 1500 for the second)""
Health insurance??..?
I need it. going to pay out-of-pocket. 40 year old non smoking female, healthy. Any tips? Anything I should know? I've never shopped for health insurance, have no idea what I'm doing.""
insurance coverage
insurance coverage
What is a fairly average car insurance rate when a you add a new driver in the family?
A family member is getting ready to get their license, and I wanted to know if car insurance rates would go up, and what a likely rate would be.""
What are the contents of an insurance premium?
What are the contents of an insurance premium?
What is a affordable health insurance that covers DENTAL?
or at least some of the cost?
Motorcycle insurance?
what would be a reasonable monthly rate for motorcycle insurance? For an 18 year old male, with a 125cc honda CL125S two-seater. In Pittsburg, PA. Looking for low-end prices.""
Question about newborn insurance coverage under the mother's plan?
With the birth of my first two children, any claims that were submitted to the insurance company for the first 30 days were paid under my plan. After that, I could elect to add them to my policy or not. I had a baby 30 days ago and they're denying his claims. I've called Humana (a new insurance for me since the birth of my first children) and they assured me that the claims for him would be paid, and that they would NOT add him to my policy (he has separate insurance). I was just at Humana's website searching for a provider (for myself) and it appears they've added him and made my deductible of $2,000 go up to $4,000 (family coverage). Is this correct? I thought it was state or federal law or something that newborns are covered under the mother's policy for the first 30 days. Can someone help?""
How much are car insurance for a first time driver?
hi i am getting a car soon and i am a first time driver.I would like to know how much insurance will be for a first time driver living in Canada ontario ?.
Insurance or out-of-pocket?
The bumber and trunk of my new 2006 Honda Civic was hit by someone unknown when my car was parked in a lot. The damage is a sizeable dent. How much will it cost for a repair in the dealership? Is it better to pay it myself or let the insurance do it (worry about increasing insurance rate). Any other ideas will help? Thanks
Affordable Health Insurance for a single adult in Minnesota? I need help/advice!!!!?
I just moved to Minnesota and need health insurance but don't even know where to start. I know I dont qualify for Minnesota Care because I make too much. I can't get health insurance through my new job yet because I just started and will qualify for that in 6 months but I need medical help now. Any advice on what I should do?
Switching car insurance from old to new car?
Forgive me if this is a stupid question.. I currently have insurance coverage on a 2004 car and just purchased a 2013 car. I am going today to switch over my insurance (if possible) and would like to know what to expect before I go. I automatically assumed my insurance would go up because of the year difference, but a friend of mine recently switched her policy over from a 2000 to a 2007 and her policy did not go up, so now i'm questioning if mine would go up and what would cause it to vary. Thanks!""
Can anyone tell me a cheap car insurance?
Can anyone tell me a cheap car insurance?
What would insurance be on a brand new car for a first time driver?
I'm 21, and have been looking at the new 1.2 litre corsas. I've been looking at used cars, but I've done a few checks on the ones I'm interested in and they came back cat c, or high mileage, and if I had a new car ide get warranty and added extras. Just seems alot less hassle and having to worry if anything goes wrong with the car... But, would the insurance be really high with it being a brand new car and my first car? Thank you x""
Low cost insurance?
Low cost insurance for life policies at the 150,000 20yr rate.""
Speeding ticket and insurance question?
I just posted a question about my speeding ticket I received yesterday I was going 101 mph on a 65 mph zone. I'm under my dads policy and im 17 this is my first ticket I just want to know how this is going to effect the insurance rates? Obviously they'll go up, but our policy expires in August will the insurance notify my parents about the ticket when they find out about it or when we go renew our policy/. thanks""
Credit life insurance?
My mom passed away in sept. of cancer. She had a $100,000 balance on her mortgage loan. Now I just recieved a letter stating that her credit insurance had gone through and a check had been sent to her mortgage account number. I have never even heard of credit insurance, does this mean the remainder of her loan is gonna be paid off??? If so I am in shock.""
Is it true that esurance car insurance are con artists?
I've had several friends and co-workers thats told me esurance car insurance are con artists...they give u a really low quote and then start charging your credit or debit card several small amounts to increase yuor policy...
Where to find cheap insurance when I have a teenager that lost her license for three months?
My daughter received three tickets and her license was suspended, She is able to get it back now but the insurance company wants to charge me $500 a month just for her. Are they kinding who can afford that.""
When should I sell my car to move to California?
I am moving from Kansas to Los Angeles,California this coming August/September for school and my car requires a lot of money so I want to get rid of it before I go.. $200 month on the payment $80 for insurance $120 month on gas and not including any maintenance that has to be done so with all that being said it seems like a good idea to sell it and save my money after moving to just purchase a cheaper car outright if need be. Does this seem like a good idea and if so when should i start listing my car for sale? It's a 2006 Saturn Ion and by the time I am ready to sell I'll owe about $4,500-5,000. Any answers from someone who has been in the same situation or who can provide ADVICE would be helpful, I don't need to hear any answers about staying in Kansas because that isn't related to the question. Thank you!""
What is the cost of insurance when renting a car in USA?
Hello, I want to rent a car. I do not own a car and nor the insurance. I want to know how much I have to pay for the insurance cost. I am above 25yrs of age. Thanks.""
""Wawanesa Car Insurance, ways to discount Premium?""
I am in the process of applying for new Car Insurance. Why does it matter how many years you have lived at your residence? Does the amount of years lower your Car Insurance payment? If you have a child that you have not seen or who does not live within 1,500 miles of you matter & why should their information be provided on the Insurance? If you are Divorced does that lessen your Premium? What are other ways to go about lowering your yearly Premium? Is Wawanesa the best Insurance Company out there? Thank you.""
How can I get affordable health insurance because of obama care?
I work but i have 2 kids to support and I Make Minimum Wage.. plus rent and bills.. Does anyone have any suggestions about how i could possibly get health care or what will happen if I just simply cant afford it? And no smart *** remarks like get a better paying job. Jobs are hard to find where I Live and i am making it with what i have. But obama forcing us to have health insurance is making me wonder what Options i have. Medicare? or some kind of afforable health insurance? would love to hear people who are in the same boat i am. and any POSITIVE Suggestion would be helpful. Thanks
What medical insurance will cover me?
i'm 19 years old no medical insurance i'm in city college part time but my parents aren't an option.i'm also an LPN BUT ONLY WORK PART TIME AND CAN'T GET JOB INSURANCE i noticed i was growing excessive facial hair and irregular periods was dx with PCOS i would like to seek treatment for it what medical insurance company would cover it seeing that i was already dx if any?
""Can we hit it out?(16 yr old, 20yr old guy)?""
and before you go saying I have no right being with someone that age and that I'll make a huge mistake; Im virgin. Im saving myself for marriage and I even got a purity ring. I know some of the tricks in the book(like the one where the older guy tricks the younger girl into thinking shes inlove to get in her pants and ect.) so Im no fool, my mom taught me better than that. But Im gonna flirt with him, he's really cool(he's a sk8er boi) and he's so short and his face looks so young that if you didnt know any better you'd swear he's like 17 or something. now once again, Im not stupid enough to have sex with him; I respect myself and body to much to let myself go like that, the only guy getting is this is the one on one knee with a diamond ring. Additional Details oh and ps. he does like me. he said once that my boyfriend better watch out, he's got a cute girlfriend. Someone might take her. and when he washes his car when Im outside he purposley takes off his shirt as if Im not watching him.""
""My car got impounded for no license or insurance? How much, and how can i get it back?""
Hi, i got pulled over today for having my windshield cracked, now they impounded my car for 30 days because i had no license or insurance(I know) Can i get it back sooner? How much will it be at the end? I am in Arizona btw..""
16 and want State Farm Auto Insurance?
I just turned 16 a couple months ago and i already have my license, and i live in Colorado. My parents have State Farm auto insurance and they want me to pay for my own insurance when i get a car. I already know that you can get a bunch of discounts for things like getting good grades and attendence and safe driving and not driving your car to school, but anyways i was wondering how much it would cost me without any discounts? Like how much would it be every month or so? I do have a job but i dont know if i would have enough to pay for car insurance. Any help is needed! thank you!!!""
Will a first time speeding ticket in Missouri effect my insurance and i have Statefarm insurance?
Will a first time speeding ticket in Missouri effect my insurance and i have Statefarm insurance?
insurance coverage
insurance coverage
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/average-car-insurance-quote-calculator-katherine-lara/"
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Text
How We Learned Not To Care About America’s Wars
By Andrew J. Bacevich, TomDispatch, Oct. 9, 2017
Consider, if you will, these two indisputable facts. First, the United States is today more or less permanently engaged in hostilities in not one faraway place, but at least seven. Second, the vast majority of the American people could not care less.
Nor can it be said that we don’t care because we don’t know. True, government authorities withhold certain aspects of ongoing military operations or release only details that they find convenient. Yet information describing what U.S. forces are doing (and where) is readily available, even if buried in recent months by barrages of presidential tweets. Here, for anyone interested, are press releases issued by United States Central Command for just one recent week:
September 19: Military airstrikes continue against ISIS terrorists in Syria and Iraq
September 20: Military airstrikes continue against ISIS terrorists in Syria and Iraq
Iraqi Security Forces begin Hawijah offensive
September 21: Military airstrikes continue against ISIS terrorists in Syria and Iraq
September 22: Military airstrikes continue against ISIS terrorists in Syria and Iraq
September 23: Military airstrikes continue against ISIS terrorists in Syria and Iraq
Operation Inherent Resolve Casualty
September 25: Military airstrikes continue against ISIS terrorists in Syria and Iraq
September 26: Military airstrikes continue against ISIS terrorists in Syria and Iraq
Ever since the United States launched its war on terror, oceans of military press releases have poured forth. And those are just for starters. To provide updates on the U.S. military’s various ongoing campaigns, generals, admirals, and high-ranking defense officials regularly testify before congressional committees or brief members of the press. From the field, journalists offer updates that fill in at least some of the details--on civilian casualties, for example--that government authorities prefer not to disclose. Contributors to newspaper op-ed pages and “experts” booked by network and cable TV news shows, including passels of retired military officers, provide analysis. Trailing behind come books and documentaries that put things in a broader perspective.
But here’s the truth of it. None of it matters.
Like traffic jams or robocalls, war has fallen into the category of things that Americans may not welcome, but have learned to live with. In twenty-first-century America, war is not that big a deal.
While serving as defense secretary in the 1960s, Robert McNamara once mused that the “greatest contribution” of the Vietnam War might have been to make it possible for the United States “to go to war without the necessity of arousing the public ire.” With regard to the conflict once widely referred to as McNamara’s War, his claim proved grotesquely premature. Yet a half-century later, his wish has become reality.
Why do Americans today show so little interest in the wars waged in their name and at least nominally on their behalf? Why, as our wars drag on and on, doesn’t the disparity between effort expended and benefits accrued arouse more than passing curiosity or mild expressions of dismay? Why, in short, don’t we give a [expletive deleted]?
Perhaps just posing such a question propels us instantly into the realm of the unanswerable, like trying to figure out why people idolize Justin Bieber, shoot birds, or watch golf on television.
Without any expectation of actually piercing our collective ennui, let me take a stab at explaining why we don’t give a @#$%&! Here are eight distinctive but mutually reinforcing explanations, offered in a sequence that begins with the blindingly obvious and ends with the more speculative.
Americans don’t attend all that much to ongoing American wars because:
1. U.S. casualty rates are low. By using proxies and contractors, and relying heavily on airpower, America’s war managers have been able to keep a tight lid on the number of U.S. troops being killed and wounded. In all of 2017, for example, a grand total of 11 American soldiers have been lost in Afghanistan--about equal to the number of shooting deaths in Chicago over the course of a typical week. True, in Afghanistan, Iraq, and other countries where the U.S. is engaged in hostilities, whether directly or indirectly, plenty of people who are not Americans are being killed and maimed. (The estimated number of Iraqi civilians killed this year alone exceeds 12,000.) But those casualties have next to no political salience as far as the United States is concerned. As long as they don’t impede U.S. military operations, they literally don’t count (and generally aren’t counted).
2. The true costs of Washington’s wars go untabulated. In a famous speech, dating from early in his presidency, Dwight D. Eisenhower said that “Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.” Dollars spent on weaponry, Ike insisted, translated directly into schools, hospitals, homes, highways, and power plants that would go unbuilt. “This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense,” he continued. “[I]t is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.” More than six decades later, Americans have long since accommodated themselves to that cross of iron. Many actually see it as a boon, a source of corporate profits, jobs, and, of course, campaign contributions. As such, they avert their eyes from the opportunity costs of our never-ending wars. The dollars expended pursuant to our post-9/11 conflicts will ultimately number in the multi-trillions. Imagine the benefits of investing such sums in upgrading the nation’s aging infrastructure. Yet don’t count on Congressional leaders, other politicians, or just about anyone else to pursue that connection.
3. On matters related to war, American citizens have opted out. Others have made the point so frequently that it’s the equivalent of hearing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” at Christmastime. Even so, it bears repeating: the American people have defined their obligation to “support the troops” in the narrowest imaginable terms, ensuring above all that such support requires absolutely no sacrifice on their part. Members of Congress abet this civic apathy, while also taking steps to insulate themselves from responsibility. In effect, citizens and their elected representatives in Washington agree: supporting the troops means deferring to the commander in chief, without inquiring about whether what he has the troops doing makes the slightest sense. Yes, we set down our beers long enough to applaud those in uniform and boo those who decline to participate in mandatory rituals of patriotism. What we don’t do is demand anything remotely approximating actual accountability.
4. Terrorism gets hyped and hyped and hyped some more. While international terrorism isn’t a trivial problem (and wasn’t for decades before 9/11), it comes nowhere close to posing an existential threat to the United States. Indeed, other threats, notably the impact of climate change, constitute a far greater danger to the wellbeing of Americans. Worried about the safety of your children or grandchildren? The opioid epidemic constitutes an infinitely greater danger than “Islamic radicalism.” Yet having been sold a bill of goods about a “war on terror” that is essential for “keeping America safe,” mere citizens are easily persuaded that scattering U.S. troops throughout the Islamic world while dropping bombs on designated evildoers is helping win the former while guaranteeing the latter. To question that proposition becomes tantamount to suggesting that God might not have given Moses two stone tablets after all.
5. Blather crowds out substance. When it comes to foreign policy, American public discourse is--not to put too fine a point on it--vacuous, insipid, and mindlessly repetitive. William Safire of the New York Times once characterized American political rhetoric as BOMFOG, with those running for high office relentlessly touting the Brotherhood of Man and the Fatherhood of God. Ask a politician, Republican or Democrat, to expound on this country’s role in the world, and then brace yourself for some variant of WOSFAD, as the speaker insists that it is incumbent upon the World’s Only Superpower to spread Freedom and Democracy. Terms like leadership and indispensable are introduced, along with warnings about the dangers of isolationism and appeasement, embellished with ominous references to Munich. Such grandiose posturing makes it unnecessary to probe too deeply into the actual origins and purposes of American wars, past or present, or assess the likelihood of ongoing wars ending in some approximation of actual success. Cheerleading displaces serious thought.
6. Besides, we’re too busy. Think of this as a corollary to point five. Even if the present-day American political scene included figures like Senators Robert La Follette or J. William Fulbright, who long ago warned against the dangers of militarizing U.S. policy, Americans may not retain a capacity to attend to such critiques. Responding to the demands of the Information Age is not, it turns out, conducive to deep reflection. We live in an era (so we are told) when frantic multitasking has become a sort of duty and when being overscheduled is almost obligatory. Our attention span shrinks and with it our time horizon. The matters we attend to are those that happened just hours or minutes ago. Yet like the great solar eclipse of 2017--hugely significant and instantly forgotten--those matters will, within another few minutes or hours, be superseded by some other development that briefly captures our attention. As a result, a dwindling number of Americans--those not compulsively checking Facebook pages and Twitter accounts--have the time or inclination to ponder questions like: When will the Afghanistan War end? Why has it lasted almost 16 years? Why doesn’t the finest fighting force in history actually win? Can’t package an answer in 140 characters or a 30-second made-for-TV sound bite? Well, then, slowpoke, don’t expect anyone to attend to what you have to say.
7. Anyway, the next president will save us. At regular intervals, Americans indulge in the fantasy that, if we just install the right person in the White House, all will be well. Ambitious politicians are quick to exploit this expectation. Presidential candidates struggle to differentiate themselves from their competitors, but all of them promise in one way or another to wipe the slate clean and Make America Great Again. Ignoring the historical record of promises broken or unfulfilled, and presidents who turn out not to be deities but flawed human beings, Americans--members of the media above all--pretend to take all this seriously. Campaigns become longer, more expensive, more circus-like, and ever less substantial. One might think that the election of Donald Trump would prompt a downward revision in the exalted expectations of presidents putting things right. Instead, especially in the anti-Trump camp, getting rid of Trump himself (Collusion! Corruption! Obstruction! Impeachment!) has become the overriding imperative, with little attention given to restoring the balance intended by the framers of the Constitution. The irony of Trump perpetuating wars that he once roundly criticized and then handing the conduct of those wars to generals devoid of ideas for ending them almost entirely escapes notice.
8. Our culturally progressive military has largely immunized itself from criticism. Put simply, critics who in an earlier day might have blasted military leaders for their inability to bring wars to a successful conclusion hold their fire. Having women graduate from Ranger School or command Marines in combat more than compensates for not winning.
A collective indifference to war has become an emblem of contemporary America. But don’t expect your neighbors down the street or the editors of the New York Times to lose any sleep over that fact. Even to notice it would require them--and us--to care.
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