#its giving me a nice creative refresh

[bvidzsoo]

Color of love

The third star of Cosmically divine...

☆ Author: bvidzsoo

☆ Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x female reader

☆ Warning: smut, breeding kink (?), possessiveness, mentions of abuse and enslaving, violence

☆ Word count: 12.3k

☆ Rating: nsfw, mature

☆ Genre: Greek mythology, Hongjoong is Hermes and MC is Iris, fated to be together au

☆ Summary: If there was a God everyone feared, perhaps it was Zeus. After the continuous abuse he's put you through, you never thought you'd get to live your eternal life peacefully. That is, until the messenger God shows up and whisks you away before Zeus can see and stop him.

☆ A/N: Helloo, my lovelies!! ^^ I am back and all fresh to continue my Greek series, memory refreshed of the places that our story takes place at. All villages mentioned in this part are very real places and I decided to use them, since I now know Greek people also read this series, I hope I have done justice with the descriptions and please forgive me if I messed up anything, but I did take some creative liberty (mythology included!) Surprisingly, I don't have much to yap about right now, except that while writing this I derailed a bit from the initial plot I had constructed lmao but it's actually good because it tied everything nicely together. The taglist is still open, so lmk if you want to be added to it. I appreciate all your feedback, so let me know what you thought of Hongjoong's part! ^^ Enjoy, and here's a glossary before you start reading:

★ This is inspired by Greek mythology, but I took creative liberty and adapted it to my likes, so keep that in mind while reading, thank you! ★ Hermes is considered the herald of the gods, but is also a messenger God ★ Iris is the the personification of the rainbow and messenger of the gods, a servant to the Olympians and especially Queen Hera ★ talaria are winged sandals ★ petasos is a wide-brimmed hat with a conical crown worn in ancient Greece ★ Zeus is the god of the sky and is considered the ruler, protector, and father of all gods and humans ★ Hera is the goddess of marriage, family, childbirth, and women, known as the queen of the gods ★ Aphrodite is the Goddess of love, beauty, desire, and all aspects of sexuality ★ Dryad is a tree nymph  ★ Hades is the God of the underworld ★ Selene is the is the goddess and personification of the Moon ★ Helios is the god representing the sun ★ Isis is the goddess of healing and magic ★ Underworld is a distinct realm where an individual goes after death ★ Cerberus often referred to as the hound of Hades, is a multi-headed dog that guards the gates of the Underworld ★ Ano Skotina, Palaioi Poroi, Palaios Panteleimonas are villages in the Olympic Riviera and are situated on the mountain side ★ Dion is a village and municipal unit in the municipality of Dion-Olympos in the Pieria regional unit, Greece; it's known for its sanctuary of Zeus and its ancient city (definitely give it a visit if you're in the area!) ocean divider; greek divider

☆ Taglist: @patchofblue @sthwaaberry @constipatedcorgi @holytidalwavechees3cake @cheolliehugs

@slowitdownmakeitb0uncy @hoeforsungie @skittyneos @mingheol @sebastianswhore13

@astral-trashcan

༄ ҉ Series m.list ༄ ҉ 　★ previous star ★ 

            Alongside the mountain range of Olympus lays more than one beautiful settlement, some so breathtakingly magnificent that one would dare say the Gods themselves have crafted them. It goes without saying that it wasn’t them, but perhaps the humans that have constructed such roads and buildings were momentarily blessed by Hephaestus to wield their instruments the same way he wields his, with the same precision and perfection, building a haven for those who sought a refuge and a place to which they belonged. The lush green mountain range held more than one hidden village from the prying eyes of those wandering through the forest or the inhabitants of the bustling town of Dion, and these small settlements also offered refuge to those who desperately needed one. Right underneath the noses of the Olympian Gods, blessed but also scrutinized and often forgotten about, nobody would’ve thought to look for the two that held so much power in their pale hands, their bodies frail-looking but everlasting. The earthlings of Ano Skotina were unassuming and comprehensive of the two strangers who ran down the cobblestone-covered paths with baited breaths and soaked to the bone by the heavy rain, yet despite the oddness of their appearance and mumbled speeches, the villagers offered the two wandering souls fresh meal, a warm bath, and a house that they could call theirs. It almost felt like a distant memory now, something that happened centuries ago when, in fact, it was merely a few years back, when Zeus’ rage was still fresh and unforgiving as it mercilessly outlashed the mortals that worshipped him so much.

With the disappearance of Iris from Olympus, the Gods felt restless and uncertain, however, no matter how much Zeus scattered them out to search for his beloved seer, no God or Goddess has ever found her. But she was right under their noses, albeit tucked away in a safe place and surrounded by mortals who loved her and worshipped her unknowingly of her real self and status. The tall pinecone trees mixed with those specific to the climate had turned a sharper and more brilliant green compared to their colour before the two strangers decided to settle down in the quiet village, and after every rain, there was a rainbow. The children of the village would giggle and squeal whenever it appeared in the blue sky as they tried to chase its end, leaving a bright smile on my face as I tinkered around my humble abode, waiting for my lover to return.

The villagers of Ano Skotina were pleasant people, and once they warmed up to the newcomers, they included them in every tradition they had, often showering them with goods they didn’t need anymore. Despite looking as human as possible, there was something unearthly about the two newcomers, their auras bright and light, demanding a certain devotion that many in Olympus lacked. It had been hard at first to get used to the kindness and good deeds that seemingly followed every person here, but at last, I learned and realized that not everyone wished ill on their peer, nor did they expect anything in return if they did something for you.

At first, I had felt ungrateful towards their kindness as I found myself unknowing of the customs of the earthlings. Despite being a messenger, I never quite learned their ways and patterns. But they were understanding and chalked it up to me being peculiar, special, and a little different from them and never made me feel excluded when something was new and I didn’t understand the process of it. Hermes was doing better by my side, he accommodated faster, but that was to be expected. He’s been amongst mortals for longer than me, disguising himself as one as it came as second nature to him. Despite the range of our powers, neither Hermes nor I were blessed with the feat of turning ourselves completely human, and thus, I couldn’t help but blame it on a natural wonder and a blessing made by a Goddess when I was just a child that my hair changed its colour every season. During the colder days, it would turn into an ashen brown, slowly turning into a warm caramel colour as the sun returned. When it got so warm that not even the shade of the tall trees could shelter me from the sizzling sunrays, my hair turned a reddish hue, until it faded into a light brown when the leaves started falling once again. The mortals never said anything, never accused me of anything, but it was easy to tell that they knew something was amiss, that it had to do something with the divine. Perhaps that also prompted them to be kinder and gentler towards me, oftentimes noticeable just how squeamish I was around everyone besides my saviour. His name, the one that the mortals so feverishly worshipped, was Hermes, but the one they unassumingly called out as if he were a friend to them was Hongjoong. I, myself, found the later version of his name more comforting, friendlier, and for once not a reminder of everything I had to endure in Olympus at the hands of Zeus.

The night had been serene when we blew out the last candle and made our way to our shared bed, the covers cold until our ghastly bodies warmed them up, hushed whispers and giggles leaving our reddish lips until we became enraptured by the night and the dreams it brought upon once our minds and souls calmed and admitted defeat to the simple feat of exhaustion. Wrapped in the arms of my lover nothing and nobody could hurt me, I knew I was safe and far away from the very God that called himself our father and protector. But there were nights when my dreams were clouded with visions, making my sleep restless and terrifying. Some visions that came to me would be bright and of great news, and some would be foreboding and dark, petrifying.

At first, when the bright moonlight coming through the opened curtains slowly faded into permeating darkness, I thought it must have been the rainclouds covering the beautiful celestial, but with the appearance of the gut-twisting feeling low in my stomach, I knew something was amiss. The house was eerily quiet and I was alone, no longer in the safe and strong arms of my lover. My feet were cold as I carefully left the confines of my bedroom, the floorboards wet and slippery in an uncharacteristic way. Perhaps Hongjoong had visited Poseidon and brought the seawater inside our house, perhaps the rain was so harsh it settled and flooded our house. But the absence of the pitter-patter of the rain against the roof of the cottage was enough to confirm that it wasn’t raining, and with the talaria not in its place, I also knew Hongjoong wasn’t home.

The quiet hiss behind me and the fear spreading through my body warned me that this wasn’t my reality, that I had been sucked into a vision while unconscious. Most of my visions happened when I was asleep, when my mind was at rest and open to receiving whatever the Cosmos wanted to alert me of, but if the situation was dire, I could force myself into a state of consciousness too to see such visions. Rarely, but it’s been happening more often since I have descended into the human realm, I would get snippets of the future if I touched certain objects or even mortals, visions that usually bore good news. And so, without my consciousness stirring me awake to interrupt the vision, I turned to face the hissing animal behind me. A long and dark green snake was slowly slithering towards me, menacing as it opened its mouth and showed its poisonous fangs. A snake couldn’t kill me, I was immortal after all, but it certainly could harm this human body I was forced to inhibit in this realm.

But the ground shook and the sky cleared once again, the scenery different to where my unconscious body lay peacefully in the arms of my lover. The pinecone trees twisted and turned around me, caging me in as the snake came menacingly close, and I raised my head to look at the moon but it was absent. I was deep in the forest, I could hear the hushed whispers of the Dryads, the concern and fear in their voices. The snake rose off the ground and gave one last hiss before it lunged towards me, my legs apparently frozen in place as I couldn’t jump away or even run off. But before it could sink its teeth into my pale and frail skin, an eagle’s scream was loud and warning as it suddenly gripped the snake in its sharp claws and yanked it away from my body, taking it far away as it flew off into the permeating darkness. The Dryads haven’t stopped whispering, and while their mutters remained intangible, they became louder and more urgent. My legs stopped feeling like lead and I took a tentative step in the direction I hoped the cobble path was and would lead me back to the village, but a shadow darker than darkness itself seeped between the trees as if it was mist, encompassing the forest.

There was a scream in the distance and sudden terror gripped at my throat, my body locking up as I stared into the silver orbs that now seemed to be blocking my every-way, watching me almost tauntingly. I couldn’t breathe as my lungs seized, and I clawed at my throat, but the pressure only worsened, my body shaking from fear and the lack of oxygen. My vision became hazy as creepy laughter echoed around me, a terrifyingly familiar voice, a voice that I loathed with my whole being. I was succumbing to the greater force the more seconds ticked by, but before my eyes could roll to the back of my mind and allow my body to crumble to the cold floor of the forest, a face so clear it managed to make me gasp appeared in front of my face.

The man’s face was simply gorgeous, tanned from the sun and defined at the jaw with a nose that few bore around these parts. His eyes were uneven but sharp, and his pretty lips formed a word I couldn’t understand just yet. My ears were ringing louder than the person’s words, but the more my eyes bore into the stranger’s terrified ones, the clearer everything once again became.

“Run!” His shrill voice was raspy as I was forcefully shoved back and I stumbled for a moment until I regained my bearings.

I could move, I could hear, I could feel.

My body trembled as that familiar cackle echoed around me once again, and I realized the gorgeous stranger was one of the Dryads who whispered in the trees. He looked more scared than I had ever felt, and with a hand reaching out for him desperately to pull him with myself, my feet kicked off before the cold darkness could touch my skin.

And then, as quickly as it came, the vision was gone. I was shaken awake by the frantic calls of my name and warm hands that gripped my arms with tremors. “Y/N! My beloved, please, Y/N. Iris, please, wake up!”

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I realized the curtains were still drawn apart to allow the moonlight inside, to honour Selene and perhaps greet her when she passed on the sky with her chariot. Even if one could hide from Zeus, Selene and Helios saw and knew everything. But my vision was soon obscured by two bright eyes, an amber nobody else I knew had as they shook in fright and bore into mine, searching for anything wrong. My body felt tense and my throat a little parched, but other than that, I was alright. I knew I had been dreaming, I knew a vision came to me, but everything felt wrong. There was something just not right about the vision, about the way it occurred, about the man that showed itself to me. It took me a few seconds to register everything I had seen, and soon, my eyes were just as glazed over with fear as Hongjoong’s. I shot up and cradled my knees to my chest as Hongjoong settled down behind me, reluctant to touch me as he exhaled shakily.

“My beloved, what is the matter?” He questioned quietly, his voice pained, “I cannot help if you don’t talk to me. Was it another night terror, Iris?”

I gulped and my arms tightened around my legs a little bit more, “A vision, Hermes, an omen. Something bad is about to happen, he’s coming for me.”

There was rustling behind me and then I felt the press of a firm chest against my back, strong arms wrapping around my middle to pull me back into the warm body of my lover. I sighed, but my muscles remained tense as I tried to shake away the lingering feelings of the vision. Somebody was out there to get me. Somebody sent by Zeus, once again, and they were close, too close for comfort. The snake almost managed to touch me, perhaps it represented the mortal or traitor, even, that Zeus had sent. I wouldn’t put it past him to send the dirtiest of those that he had once cast away to bring me back to him so that he could enslave me once again.

“Nothing bad will happen, Y/N,” Hongjoong whispered as his chin came to rest on my shoulder. He turned his head and his soft brown hair tickled my cheek in the process, “You are with me and I will do everything to keep you safe, I have promised. No, I have sworn on my immortality, I’ll never let him find you, my beloved.”

Hongjoong’s tone was soft and tender as his fingers gripped my sheer nightgown tightly, pressing his front to the back of my body as tightly as he could, his hot lips brushing against my ear almost teasingly. I gulped, remembering the fear in the Dryad’s eyes too vividly, it had felt too real. I couldn’t even tell if he was part of the vision or if he had managed to cause a rift in the Cosmos to consciously warn me of the danger that was now closer than ever before. We’ve managed to stay hidden for so long, the fear of losing my freedom again was all-consuming and terrifying.

“The Dryad was terrified,” I whispered as my eyes coated over with the remnants of the vision, hard to erase such a look from my mind, “I don’t even think he was part of my vision. There was an eagle too in my dream, Hongjoong.”

My lover’s gulp was audible and I turned my face to face his, prompting Hongjoong to lean back just a bit so that we could stare into each other’s eyes. Suddenly, a soft smile graced his lips and my heartbeat picked up just a little bit, my tense muscles finally easing and letting me become putty in Hongjoong’s comforting embrace.

“He won’t touch you.” There was a menace in his tone, warning and promising of pain, his eyes glazed over with fire for a second, memories taking him away from me, but Hongjoong quickly returned as his eyes cleared, tone more passionate than before, “If there’s anyone that can keep you captive, then that’s me because I’ll forever treat you with respect and love, care and tenderness. I’ll be your slave if that’s what you want me to be, I’ll prove to you again and again how devoted I am, I’ll treat you like a Queen if that’s who you want to be, Y/N. But most of all, I’ll run until the end of Earth for you if that means I can keep you safe, I’ll run and never stop. I’ll never step foot into Olympus ever again if that keeps you safe from those tyrants.”

“Don’t say that.” I whispered as Hongjoong’s left arm untangled from around my torso so that he could cup my cheek, “With me gone, it’s already hard for everyone to keep up. I’m making you do all the work by yourself, it’s unfair. If you’ll be gone too, I fear our fates will be dire once we are discovered.”

“I know more than he’ll ever know, Y/N, I carry all secrets and strategies. If he tries to separate us or threatens to turn us into stars, I’ll know how to corner him.” A smirk that would frighten any mortal crossed Hongjoong’s lips, “And I will threaten to throw him off if he doesn’t back off.”

I knew no matter what I said to my lover his resolve wouldn’t break, it was of no use trying to convince Hongjoong that if he went against Zeus he most certainly would perish. No matter how much you knew, not even his own weaknesses could stop the God, he was the father of us all after all, and Hongjoong was merely a deity that had more power and free will than those unlucky like me.

“I love you.” The confession bubbled past my quivering lips, and I watched Hongjoong’s Adam's Apple bob up and down as he swallowed, eyes darkening with want and fire that was perfectly reflected in his amber irises. Our human bodies were more fragile than our godly forms, they felt everything so much deeper, so much more passionately. I couldn’t help but succumb to the fire that licked at my skin as our warm lips pressed together, hungry and never satiated with the other as Hongjoong gently grabbed my hips and manoeuvred me around until I was sat atop him. Our lips smacked together with a languid pace and our teeth clumsily clanked together whenever one of us bit the other’s bottom lip eagerly, my long fingers finding purchase in Hongjoong’s wavy strands as his calloused hands guided my core over his clothed member. The soft fabric of his sleepwear was thin and hid nothing as he grunted at the first drag of my hips forward and back, making me eagerly swallow the sounds he was making. One warm hand settled on my thigh, underneath my nightgown, and slowly bunched up the fabric until it rested just above my hips.

Desire licked at my insides as hotness spread through my body, cheeks flushed as Hongjoong’s hands traced invisible patterns into my skin, his touch leaving a trail of goosebumps as they slowly slithered towards my lower back, digging into my flesh. I sighed against his mouth before pulling back to tilt his head back and press kisses against his well-defined jaw, the moonlight making his appearance godlier than he ever was in his deity form. I moaned against his simmering skin as his nails dug into the flesh of my bottom, heat pooling in my lower stomach as he pressed me down just harder on his clothed member, drawing out a moan from both of us as my bare core ground right on top of it. The wetness between my legs only became more prominent and I bit into the flesh of his neck, making Hongjoong’s head fall back as he breathed through his mouth loudly, a whine falling past them every time I sucked a little harder, every time I let him drag my core over his hard member, hot despite the fabric separating us.

“I love you.” He gasped into the silence as his hands settled on my thighs again, my hips moving on their own as the friction had started feeling too good to stop, leaving a dark patch on his light-coloured trousers, which mixed with his own precum. I pressed a long kiss against his lips as I fiddled with the hem of his trousers and hastily pulled them down, freeing his member as I eagerly aligned myself up with it, our eyes meeting before I sunk on it. Hongjoong’s grip tightened on my thighs and he whimpered as I hugged him close to my body, fingers tangling into his hair once again, offering an anchor as my walls clamped down on his length. Hongjoong was safe, home was where he was, and I never wished to be anywhere else but in his arms. He saw past my gift and looked at my soul, he appreciated me and worshipped me for who I truly was and not for why everyone seemed to want me. Just a seer, a lowly deity that was able to glance into the future and sometimes the present. Hongjoong never demanded of me to look into his future, to spy on a vision for him, he only asked me to love him back. But he didn’t have to ask, I had always known if there was any mortal or deity I could love, it was him.

The muscles of my thighs tensed as I tentatively rose before sinking back down on his dick, making Hongjoong groan as he leaned back to support himself with one hand, bracing my hip with his other as he gently guided me. I let my hands rest on his shoulders as he snapped his hips upwards and ripped a moan out of me, making me meet his thrusts eagerly as our movements synced up, the slapping sounds became louder and louder in the confinement of our bedroom as we both lost each other to the feeling of overwhelming lust and love, the desire to possess and be possessed, to belong to someone, to love and be loved.

            But life had not always been like this. For centuries and centuries, it hadn’t been like this but full of torment, pain, and demands that seemingly never came to an end. Everyone always wanted something from me, they always took and took, but they never gave back anything. I understood my role in the Cosmos, and as the bearer of messages between the mortals and Gods, I knew I had to be flexible and report whenever I was needed. I had to prioritize my purpose and place everyone above myself, it’s just how nature worked. And it had been alright, I felt most fulfilled when I was doing what my calling was, when I was guiding Gods and mortals alike, stringing them onto the right path headed towards a bright future. But I was naïve and careless, I hadn’t realized that once the knowledge of the full extent of my powers fell into the wrong hands it would be exploited, that it would turn against me and hurt me in the process. Glancing into the future, predicting silly things like the weather, and warning mortals of floods or wildfires soon turned into commands and demands of looking into the fate of a disobeying God or Goddess, into spying on those that dared turn against Zeus, of migraine after migraine when I was at my wit's end, begging to be left alone to recharge and step away from the visions.

Zeus was unforgiving and violent, greedy and desperate to control everything and everyone around him. When the word of me being a seer got to him, my freedom was stripped and I never saw the sunlight unless I had orders to deliver a message. My visions became constant because I just had to do what he told me if I didn’t want to turn into a star, and my body and mind were exhausted. I couldn’t sleep, sometimes I would get stuck in a vision for weeks on end, unable to break free, becoming a prisoner of my own mind. It was terrifying and excruciatingly painful; I couldn’t tell whether I was still alive or not. It was silly, a deity never dies as long as it has worshippers, but my soul felt so tired I wished all mortals would drop dead so that my existence would cease too.

Zeus hid me away from everyone, he lied to Hera that I decided to reside on a secluded island down amongst the humans and wished not to be spoken to or reached out to unless the message was time-bound and very important. I had been an important messenger of Hera, and my heart broke when I felt her trust and respect in me vane, but what hurt, even more, was that she never questioned her lover, that she never actually tried to look for me and see if the God was indeed saying the truth. What hurt the most, even in my deity form, was that nobody actually cared enough about me to come and rescue me from the terrorizing clutches of Zeus, that nobody loved and respected me to save me from the torment I had to go through for centuries on end. Everything hurt, even speaking and sleeping, I was nothing but a shell of what I once used to be. Zeus never cared, he just wanted the visions, he threw me around until the physical pain became so unbearable that I just had to scavenge my mind for even a trace of a vision. I became scared of my own power, of what he’d to do me if I didn’t learn how to control it better.

And then one night, or day I couldn’t tell, as I lay exhausted on the cold marble floor of the room Zeus had imprisoned me into, there was a whoosh of a breeze inside and the shatter of a vase. I had no idea what’s happened, I couldn’t see quite right and my head was pounding, covering everything in an unclear haze. But something metallic was hurled underneath my long fingers and when my index finger curiously poked against it a vision so sudden and harsh that it knocked the wind out of my lungs clouded my eyes with flashes of a handsome and somewhat familiar face, smile mischievous yet menacing, his amber eyes ablaze and raging. I had known of him, of course, I have, but we’ve never quite crossed paths, so it was bizarre to get a vision so suddenly of Hermes. It wasn’t even Zeus asking me to look into him, I wasn’t even forcing my mind and soul to connect with it, it just came by itself. Tears flooded my unseeing eyes at the feeling and I tried not to sob upon realizing that my soul was still somewhat aligned with the Cosmos despite how much I’ve forced myself to see and hear everything, having broken the order of the Universe.

And the vision of Hermes persisted for months on end, until, the marble door separating me from freedom was blown into bits and pieces and the God rushed inside with flushed cheeks and a ragged breath. He said nothing as he scooped me up in his arms, lips hot as they pressed against my cold forehead, and for the first time since my existence, my heart started beating in an uneven pattern, fingers digging into the silky fabric of his shirt as I begged him to save me. Hermes looked angry, but not at me, he looked at me with pity in his eyes but said nothing as he broke the glass of the window with the heel of his foot. I couldn’t remember much as I lost consciousness after that, but I felt the wind blow around us harshly as we fell freely, descending into a realm that was familiar yet new, a cocoon of lush green trees and springs that were clearer than the sky and sun hotter than the rays in Olympus, a place that soon became our new home.

The paths leading down the mountain range were soon after our arrival covered in cobblestones, creating an easy and clear passage for the villagers of Ano Skotina, Palaioi Poroi and Palaios Panteleimonas down to Dion, which resided at the foothill of Mount Olympus. The villagers had put in hard work once Hermes brought up his idea, and with his help, it only took the men a few weeks to construct the paths and connect the otherwise strenuous trek for the villagers if they wished to travel between the settlements. But with our arrival it seemed that the fauna and flora flourished more than before, the villagers became livelier and eagerly awaited the appearance of a rainbow which hadn’t been spotted in ages by the mortals.

Having been saved from the clutches of Zeus, I was finally regaining myself. Hongjoong stood by my side every single step of the journey and he offered a helping hand when it all became too much and too exhausting. He hid me away from all the deities and promised to settle down in a village where Zeus would never find us. We couldn’t go far from Olympus as he still had to fulfil his duties, but with me gone, Zeus had no insight into anyone, he wouldn’t know who had stolen his slave away from him.

But even if we were hiding in plain sight, we’d never be safe from him.

            On the days that the Gods and Goddesses were too busy bickering with each other, forgetting all about their worshippers, the sky seemed to be clearer and a lighter blue. On days like that it was safe for me to leave the confines of Ano Skotina and hike down to Dion with Hongjoong. I loved days like this because as much as I was scared of Zeus finding us, I loved the loudness of the bustling town, the liveliness and eagerness on the faces of mortals, and most importantly, I loved the market where we could trade fresh flowers and fruits. If the weather deemed good and the deities remained preoccupied with their selfish deeds, Hongjoong and I would follow the path down to the sea and dip in the warm but refreshing water. Poseidon wasn’t always around, busy with his errands, so, it was safe to explore the beautiful sea in his absence.

Given our origins, it took Hongjoong and me around an hour to descend from the mountainside down into the town, our talaria polished and well-kept. We hid them in Hongjoong’s satchel as soon as we neared the closest settlement to avoid being discovered by the humans. Sneaking around always brought a little sense of excitement, of my blood boiling hotter and my heart pumping faster, only heightened when Hongjoong would playfully chase me down the cobblestone-covered paths inside of Dion, heads turning our way as they watched on curiously. There wasn’t a day where boredom could threaten to kidnap me if Hongjoong was around, he’s had plenty of time to observe the earthlings and find out what would be amusing and help the time pass by faster. Not that I wished for that to happen, I cherished every second I spent next to Hongjoong, clinging to him despite our unlimited time.

Being with him had always felt right, from the very moment he lifted me in his arms to save me from Zeus. There was something about his eyes that assured me that we were right for each other, that it was written in the stars, that my suffering for so long wasn’t fruitless. He had known he had to save me when he accidentally caught a glimpse of me through the barely open door of my cell-like room, Zeus’ voice booming as he demanded a vision from me before he could send Hermes on his way to deliver his message. He had returned just days later and snuck inside my room to assess the situation, accidentally knocked over a vase when he heard someone approach the door, then fled through the open window. He couldn’t return for months; Zeus was suspicious of him and he was scared if he was caught we’d both perish. But he remained vigilant and at last came back for me.

I made sure to remain close to Hongjoong’s side as the market was packed with more people than usual this afternoon, our pinkies reaching out for each other whenever the other strayed closer. He was discussing something I couldn’t hear with a blacksmith, wondering whether he had more metal to trade with him as my attention remained on the flower stall and the lovely old lady who always had the brightest smile on her face. Her grey strands were beautiful and highlighted her age nicely, and despite her late age, her demeanour was just as youthful as a child’s.

When our eyes met, she beckoned me over with a happy look on her face. Casting Hongjoong a quick glance to make sure he hadn’t moved away yet, I made my way over to the vendor and bowed my head in greetings, “My dear! I haven’t seen you in too long, I was worried about you.”

“My apologies for worrying you, kind soul, I haven’t been able to leave my village.” I kept my answer as vague as possible as her eyebrows furrowed in slight worry. Lately, the deities were busy watching over their desperate worshippers so I couldn’t risk my safety and cover.

“That boy of yours isn’t keeping you captive, is he?” Her eyes narrowed as my cheeks flushed and I quickly shook my head, not keen on her choice of words. I hated hearing anything that had a connection to captivity, and just the thought of Hongjoong keeping me as his prisoner was disgusting and infuriating.

“He would never,” My voice was harsher than intended, “He cherishes me more than anyone ever has.”

“Good, good.” The vendor muttered as her features relaxed once again, “Would you like some pomegranates? I traded them just this morning, I hear they’ve been blessed by Aphrodite herself. Perhaps they’ll make me look youthful once again.”

The old lady giggled as she grabbed the fruit and extended her hand towards me, making my muscles tense at the mention of the deity. If it truly had been blessed by the Goddess I didn’t want to touch it, let alone eat it. She hadn’t been the kindest to me in our years of knowing each other, and despite knowing that Zeus held me in a chamber as his slave, she never said anything to anyone.

“Thank you, but I must refuse you. I do not have anything to trade it with.”  The vendor shrugged and put the fruit away, her fingers grazing against the petals of a sunflower. My eyes followed the action and I yearned to do the same, the yellowness of the flower reminded me of my own rainbow’s colour. It had been a while since I had brought upon the earth a rainbow, I missed its beauty and comforting colours.

“Your scarf seems to be made of silk,” The old lady hummed as she eyed me curiously, “I’ll give you a bouquet of sunflowers if you trade it with me, I know they are your favourite flowers.”

I gulped and gripped the scarf, pondering whether it was worth trading something of high value with something that had little value. But the piece of fabric held no sentimental value to me and autumn would be soon approaching, the old lady needed the scarf more than I did for her body was weaker than mine will ever be. And she was right, I did love sunflowers, it’s been too long since I could hold them in my hands, so, I nodded and untied the scarf from around my neck.

“You’ll seriously trade that beautiful piece for sunflowers?” The vendor next to the old lady asked with scepticism, a dark-haired woman with bushy eyebrows and greediness that wasn’t missed by the mortals either. The old lady ignored her as she tied a big bouquet together for me, happy to trade them.

“I can find many more scarves like this one, but summer is soon ending and I’ll have to wait a long time until sunflowers bloom again,” I answered with a soft smile and took the flowers after I handed over my scarf. The old lady took her time to examine it carefully and I glanced behind myself to see where Hongjoong was. He had moved on to another stall and he was surrounded by several men now as they conversed animatedly, his face bright under the sunlight and amber eyes glinting with interest.

“You have such little value for your possessions.” The other vendor grumbled, and the old lady laughed as she shook her head at the younger woman. I said nothing as I cradled the bouquet against my chest, looking down at the flowers to examine them. Its petals were soft between my fingertips and I took note that its hue was much more vibrant than the colour in my own rainbow, perhaps I could make mine more prominent too.

“The only possession I want to have is over my beloved, nothing else matters to me.”

“Oh, to be young and completely enraptured with a man.” The old lady mused with a knowing look on her face once I looked up at her, my cheeks dusted pink as I realized I had spoken my mind too freely, “I haven’t seen a pair as devoted as you two are to each other.”

“There must be some, I cannot imagine not loving with your whole soul and being—”

“Love is just a fairytale the deities made up to wrangle us around by the nose and manipulate us into doing whatever they want.” The other vendor lady snapped as she interrupted me, and my eyebrows furrowed at her harsh words. Certainly, if any deity were to hear her, her place in the Underworld would be assured and arranged to be painful. The old lady hissed and gave the other vendor an irritated look.

“Quit being so pessimistic, especially to such a young soul.” Before the other vendor could say anything else, the old lady faced me with a curious look, “You must be coming tonight to the offering, right? Zeus will bless you and then you will never part from your lover, he’s great like that.”

Zeus was anything but great, but I didn’t want to ruin the lady’s image of the deity. If I were a maiden praying to Zeus to watch over my lover, he’d rather take me as his lover than offer us his protection. Zeus was horrible like that. But the thought of him made me shiver and I tried to ignore my tensing muscles. I had no idea it was already that time of the month, Hongjoong must’ve forgotten too, otherwise, we would’ve never come down to Dion today of all days.

“I’m afraid I won’t be joining you tonight, I haven’t been feeling well these past few days.” A curious look crossed both of the ladies' eyes and I gulped nervously as I started feeling jittery. I realized I had conversed with them for too long and it was time I returned to the safety of Hongjoong, where nobody would bother me anymore or ask questions.

“You must be with child, then.” The younger vendor declared and my eyebrows furrowed as I cast a glance at her. I most certainly wasn’t with child, I would’ve felt it, but if that lie helped stop more curious questions, then I would take it.

“I am not sure, but perhaps I am,” I answered and the old lady gasped, eyes falling to my belly.

“That is great news, indeed! May the child have your peculiar hair colour and his father’s beautiful eyes.” She wished earnestly and I smiled, feeling just a little bit guilty that Hongjoong and I weren’t actually expecting a child anytime soon. But I blinked my eyes faster and looked down abashed, resisting the urge to shuffle my feet. Deciding that I should return to my lover’s side now, I bid the two vendors my sincerest goodbyes and turned around to search the crowd for Hongjoong. He was a couple of steps away, doing the same, and his eyes lit up when they found me. He had a wide grin on his lips and he waved his fingers playfully as he took off towards me, his steps bouncy and giddy. I chuckled and stopped to let him reach me first, but as I did so, a child narrowly avoided colliding with me as his warm skin brushed against my hand.

The sudden change of scenery managed to knock the wind from my lungs as I gasped and looked around, the market was eerily empty and the sun was hidden behind clouds as suddenly it started becoming darker and darker outside. White mist left my lips as I breathed through my mouth loudly, the temperature having severely dropped made me shiver in my summer gown, head whipping around as I searched for another living soul. But there was no one, not even Hongjoong, and I clenched my palms into fists when I heard the hauntingly familiar cackle once again. The Dryads weren’t here whispering again and I wondered if I’d see the young man once again, if he’d come to warn me again. But nothing happened until an eagle screamed in the distance and then a dark shadow appeared just by the entrance to the market. Its features were unrecognizable, but it towered over the gate as its silver orbs vibrated, looking wildly my way. I gasped and tried to take steps backwards, but I was trapped once again. I felt warm hands touching my arms, a muffled voice worriedly calling my name and something wet pressing against my cheek. The darkness persisted, however, and the shadow cackled once again as the eagle screamed and was suddenly plummeting down towards me, sharp claws drawn and beak parting. But before it could touch me, rip me apart, my eyes flew open.

The loudness of the market made my head thump in pain and I realized I was clutching onto Hongjoong’s shirt tightly as I tried to regain my breathing. My eyes searched to crowd frantically for the shadow, but also to make sure nobody saw my episode. Hongjoong’s arms were warm and slightly trembling as they pulled me into a tight embrace, his lips pressing against my temple as he sighed loudly, “You’re alright, I got you. Let’s head back home, my beloved.”

I nodded wordlessly as Hongjoong took my hand in his and manoeuvred us around the crowd, making sure nobody familiar ran into us so that we’d be able to leave faster. I appreciated his attentiveness as I followed after him, my fingers tightening against his as the crowd was slowly vanning out the closer we reached the end of the town. His features softened once he slowed down to let me fall in step with him, and I raised our joined hands to press a kiss against his hand, “Thank you.”

He said nothing but his amber eyes turned warmer as red swirled behind his irises, his wavy brown hair falling into his eyes and making him look boyish. I chuckled and pressed up on my tiptoes to steal a kiss from Hongjoong, making his eyes widen as a man had just passed us on his horse, his lips widening into an amused smile at our display of affection. I knew my lover was blushing red when he turned his head away, but he squeezed my hand once to let me know he appreciated the gesture, “I saw him again, the shadow, the darkness, the eagle. You know it’s Zeu—”

“Do not speak his name.” Hongjoong cut me off roughly, all previous warmth gone from his features as he faced me abruptly, “Don’t say it, Y/N, I hate it when you do. I hate him, and everything he’s done to you. You are safe with me and nothing will happen to you, I have sworn and I will keep swearing.”

“I know,” I muttered, gulping nervously as I averted my eyes, “but the visions never lie, my love, he’s close, I am not safe anymore.”

I tried not to yelp when suddenly two warm palms cradled my cheeks and yanked me close to Hongjoong’s face, his ablaze eyes boring into mine with fury and determination, “You are mine and if anyone, mortal or deity, touches you, I will burn them until nothing’s left of them. You have suffered enough, I will not let anyone take advantage of you ever again, Iris, it’s over.”

My eyes fluttered closed as my heart thumped wildly, and I leaned forward to press a lasting kiss against Hongjoong’s lips, who pressed his body incredibly close to mine, “You wear my petasos, my beloved, everyone knows you’re mine. Everyone knows what will happen to them if they try to claim you, I won’t allow it anymore.”

His voice was deeper as he spoke up once our lips weren’t pressing against each other and I licked my lips as I nodded, smoothing out the creases between his eyebrows. A silly thought came to mind as Hongjoong’s eyes searched my face and I chuckled as I leaned so close my lips brushed against his when I spoke again, “The vendor ladies think I am with child.”

Hongjoong’s breath stuttered and his pupils dilated as one of his hands grabbed my hips, pressing my body painfully so into his, “Perhaps you should be with child, my beloved.”

“Do you want that?” I asked in a whisper, throat feeling dry as I tried to ignore the fire spreading through my body. This greedy little human body could be so lustful.

“Yes, I want you full of my seed and belly round and pretty.” Hongjoong’s voice was deep as he answered and I had to take a second to compose myself, trying to be the bigger person right now. It wouldn’t be the first time things got a little bit out of hand while we were in public, and I didn’t want something as mortifying to happen again. Last time we were lucky the unfortunate soul who saw us in a scandalous predicament had been an older lady and her husband, both understanding and giggling as they rushed away from the scene. Truthfully, we could’ve picked a more secluded spot and the back of a bar that was often frequented.

“We’re being indecent, Hongjoong.”

“Then let me take you home and show you just how much I want you to carry our child.”

“Hongjoong.”

            One of us had to attend the offering, it was inevitable, and since nobody knew of my location but with Hermes still around, it wasn’t a question that it would be him who would descent to Dion tonight and bring a small flower crown made from my sunflowers and the neighbour’s weeds as his own offering. As a deity, we didn’t have to attend such worshipping customs, but since we were disguising ourselves as mortals it would look suspicious if we didn’t tag along from time to time. I never showed my face around when they were bringing offerings to Zeus as he often liked to disguise himself and come down, watch his loyal followers, and even take maidens to bed and spread his bloodline, but when they would show gratitude for Isis, I made sure to tag along. A deity recognized a deity even in disguise, and despite her catching me at her altar more than once, she never said anything. She could feel my pain, she could see past my smile and looked into my battered soul. She was sensitive and kind, instead of bringing me to Zeus, she blessed me and healed my wounds so that nothing could hurt me so horrendously ever again.

Once we had gotten back from Dion, Hongjoong was busy showing me just how much he really wanted me to carry our child, very reluctant to leave the bed to get ready for the night. I knew he didn’t want to go, he knew I didn’t want to be left alone tonight out of all nights, but we also both knew that we did not have a choice. Deities rarely had a choice, the greater good just always seemed to call out to us. But still, I helped him bathe and dress up, I cooked him a warm dinner and braided little strands of his soft hair while he was busy chiselling his talaria, his petasos already pristine, the leather smelling fresh and feeling soft under the skin.

“Are you certain I must go?” Hongjoong asked with a sigh once he was done with his talaria, eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at me. I ran my fingers through his hair and ruffled the strands that fell into his eyes.

“Yes, my love, you must.” I hummed quietly and Hongjoong sighed long, “We hadn’t attended the offerings in a while, the townsfolk will get suspicious of us at this rate and I quite like this place.”

“I like it here too, it’s serene.” He hummed absentmindedly and I stepped back to let him wear his winged sandals, raising to his feet to test out their agility. He was fast, as always, in good shape and ready to tackle the night’s challenges. I smiled at him proudly as he came to stand in front of me, hands settling on my hips as he licked his lips and looked down at my mouth, “If anything feels wrong, go over to Mr. Do, he will keep you company.”

“I don’t think poor old Mr. Do will be able to tackle a god like Zeus if he shows up,” I said with a chuckle as I circled my arms around Hongjoong’s shoulders, standing on my tiptoes to reach his face better. He chuckled as his eyes searched my face, the amber swirling as fear made its way shown, “I will be alright, Hongjoong, don’t you worry.”

“Of course you will be.” He answered with a scoff as if Zeus showing up was such an impossible feat, “And when I return, I will show you once again just how eager I am to have you with child, to spend the rest of my eternity with you and our son or daughter. I want them to have your kindness and faith, and I want them to have my determination and strength.”

“Aren’t you thinking a bit far ahead, my love?” I asked with a snicker as Hongjoong pouted and shook his head.

“Of course I’m not, my beloved, the seed has been planted, we both felt it.” Hongjoong lowered his face and I watched as his lips parted, “The shift in the Universe has happened, the stars aligned for our love once again, Y/N.”

“We’ve been blessed.” I whispered and tangled my fingers in the hair at his nape, pushing Hongjoong’s face closer to mine, “I am fully yours now.”

“You’ve always been fully mine,” Hongjoong’s voice dropped as his fingers dug into my skin through the fabric of my gown, “only mine.”

I hummed and leaned my head back as his warm lips pressed against mine, instantly eager as they pressed together firmly and forcefully, asking me to part my lips for him. Hongjoong moaned when my tongue dragged against his, coaxing him in deeper as our saliva mixed and tongues brushed together, lighting my skin on fire. My heart pumped faster and my skin jittered, hushed voices and hazy orbs fluttering behind my eyes as a vision threatened to kidnap me from this moment. But I stopped it, I wanted to enjoy the touch of my lover, the sounds of my lover, as I knew the darkness would be back if I were to succumb to the greater force.

Our pace was languid as Hongjoong dragged each kiss out, sucking on my bottom lip before he’d dive right back in, sucking on my tongue too and making me whimper as my hand found an anchor in his nape, holding him as if I were afraid he’d pull back too soon. But he didn’t, he soaked up in the sounds and only kissed me more desperately, pulling back for air when it became too much for our human bodies. I was breathing hard and Hongjoong struggled to even out his pants, our foreheads pressing together as he cleared his throat once and then twice. He licked his lips and then pursed them, fingers twitching as he raised his hands to cup my cheeks, “I wish to return earlier tonight, I’m not done with you yet, Y/N. I have figured if I go earlier and stay for a shorter amount of time it should be fine, Zeus will want me to report back to him so I’ll try to make my journey as fast as possible.”

“I’ll be right here so don’t rush yourself, I don’t want anything to happen to you,” I said worriedly as we untangled from each other, I tried to smooth out the knots I created in Hongjoong’s hair. His outfit remained spotless, the black fabric tight and secure around his strong and well-built body, hugging him snuggly in places that wouldn’t restrict his movement.

“I’m too restless to remain until the end of the festivity either way,” Hongjoong shrugged and kissed my cheek before he went to grab his petasos, “Go to Mr. Do if anything feels even a little bit wrong.”

“I will, I promise.” I smiled reassuringly as my lover headed for the front door, pausing to turn back around with a worrisome look on his face. I knew he was reluctant to go, but he had no choice. One of us had to go and it was him, it was always him, he’d have to report back to Olympus either way and he was right, the quicker he got over with everything, the faster he could return to me. But as soon as the door closed behind me and I was left alone in our safe abode, dark visions clouded my eyes and sent me tumbling to the floor.

            The evening had been harsh to me, the visions seemed to turn only darker as the hours passed by, taunting me. It felt as if I wasn’t in control anymore, as if it was someone else controlling what I saw. My heart pumped fast and my head thumped wildly making my ears ring, and I felt boneless as I tried to stand from the chair I managed to drag myself into. My sight was hazy as I felt around the table for the glass of spring water Hongjoong and I had collected earlier this day, but I failed to reach the cool glass and thus gave up as a harsh wave of nausea almost made me gag. I had never reacted to my abilities so harshly, I couldn’t determine whether it was worrisome or not that my body was having such visceral reactions to the darkness that seemed to linger in the corner of my eyes.

I knew that I was alone in the house and that my visions were tricking me into believing someone was watching me from the shadows, candles unlit as I found the task too strenuous to do with my current state. It all felt too real, it made me scared of how easily my body was succumbing to the terror-filled memories that followed my bodily reactions. It wasn’t the first time my body threatened to shut down, but it’s been far too long since I had felt so sick. It made me remember my captivity and everything I had to endure at Zeus’ hands when he pushed my body over the limit and forced me to become nothing but a vessel that relayed the visions of a seer. I was scared because Hongjoong wasn’t here and because I couldn’t figure out just exactly what was triggering this reaction. All of Isis’ blessings seemed futile all of a sudden, and I found myself wondering whether I could ask the Goddess for guidance and help in dire need, a beckon of light to help me survive until Hongjoong returned and figured out a way to stop my suffering.

But I remembered that Mr. Do was a healer of sorts, a little too old and grumpy, but the villagers loved him and trusted him with their lives countless times before, I have seen it firsthand. Hongjoong and he seemed to have a mutual respect and a deeper understanding of the other’s force that I failed to see and sense. And despite every muscle and joint in my body protesting when I finally pushed myself up into a standing position, I found Hongjoong’s deep trust in the old man a reassuring thought that pushed me to take action and bring myself to the old man’s doorstep, perhaps he knew how to fix this. I had barely reached the front door of my house when my muscles locked up as if they sensed danger, my skin tingling in a way only around another deity it did. But I was alone inside the house, it made no sense, perhaps my seer abilities became uncontrollable and started lashing out in peculiar ways.

I swung the door open, finding the task difficult as my body vehemently tried to disobey my mind’s commands, and despite the haze that clouded my sight, Mr. Do’s small frame not even a few steps away was unmistakable. I hadn’t noticed, but the wind was howling as it bent the weaker branches of trees in odd ways and not one candle was lit inside the neighbouring huts. Cold darkness wrapped around us and I shuddered as it bit at my skin mercilessly, “Mr. Do?”

My voice sounded breathless and pained and my eyebrows furrowed as the older man stepped closer so that I could see him clearly, “Oh, you look sickly, my dear. Let’s head inside.”

I couldn’t find it in myself to object and stepped back inside my house as Mr. Do followed, his height shorter than my lover’s. It seemed to be relatively warmer inside the house, but I still shuddered as I brought the shawl tighter around my shoulders, pressing my nose against the fabric as it smelled like Hongjoong. It brought little comfort, but I relished in it as I willed my sight to clear, at least that little if nothing else seemed to be right with me. Mr. Do seemed curious as his eyes searched the place and I watched him with slight confusion, wondering if it’s been too long since he’d stepped inside our house. But it looked as it always did, the interior hadn’t changed since last week when Hongjoong insisted on having the old man over for dinner as a payment for his kindness after he healed Hongjoong’s broken fingers. It was a freak accident; one he couldn’t heal down here unless he wanted to be caught by the mortals.

“What is bothering you, my dear?” The warm smile felt wrong on Mr. Do’s face, he was someone who never smiled nor showed affection, his face a mask of coldness and uninterest. He never used nicknames and he had never once in his life before directly addressed me. Mr. Do seemed to be afraid to say my name for some reason and he always brought pastries whenever there was a rainbow in the sky, that’s the most emotion he had ever shown. That’s how I knew he didn’t completely mistrust me or hate me. This man standing in front of me was not Mr. Do. But it was too late now, I had already welcomed him inside. I quickly realized that despite his disguise, he couldn’t hide his godly aura, the faint glow around his body or the respect it demanded.

“Why are you here?” Despite my voice being faint, it carried conviction, and braveness, “What do you want?”

“My little seer back.” The man disguised as Mr. Do chuckled and walked further inside the house, walking around as he touched vases and ornaments that clearly belonged to Hermes, “You must understand my utter shock when I found out she was gone. My utter anger and annoyance when I searched for her relentlessly and she was just gone as if swallowed by the earth itself. I assumed it was Hades at first, we know how he likes to play me and taunt me, but when I found him gone from his kingdom and meddling with humans from far away times, I realized something more peculiar had happened.”

I didn’t dare speak up as Zeus walked closer, the face of Mr. Do scrunching up as he tsked, “Imagine my utter confusion and rage when I find out Hermes, my precious messenger and guide, decided to settle amongst the mortals. Not only did I lose my seer, but my messenger too.”

“Hermes never stopped serving you.” My voice was harsh as I willed the bile down my throat and blinked my eyes quickly to try and get rid of the haze, which was very possibly induced by Zeus himself. I understood why my body lashed out like this, it sensed danger and it was warning me. But it was too late now, I had walked myself into Zeus’ trap.

“He didn’t, you are right, little seer, but he also started slacking off.” He scoffed and I gulped as I remained put, my feet frozen to the floor, “You must imagine I assumed he was frolicking with the mortals at first, but then certain inaccuracies just stopped making sense, you see. I have other means of looking into my little deities, Iris, I don’t need you—”

“Then why did you keep me for so long?” My voice raised as my sight finally cleared and I was able to glare at Mr. Do’s serene face, fire and anger replacing my fear as I stared the God down, “If you don’t need me, why did you subject me to so much strenuous work and pain? Why did you force me to seek and seek without break, to bend myself and ruin who I once was?”

“The secret to being a deity is so simple, my little seer,” Zeus’ voice was quiet as he walked even closer, eyebrows slightly furrowed, “We are just like these mortals that worship us, we are greedy and selfish and we take without consideration, we possess and we demand, we punish and we slay, so, what sets us apart from them?”

“Immortality, lack of morals and care of those around us,” I whispered, unable to gulp down the lump in my throat anymore as my heart raced faster, ears starting to ring once again.

“Power, abilities that mortals will never have, is what sets us apart, Iris—or should I call you Y/N, now?” Mr. Do chuckled but his voice sounded distorted. My muscles tensed when his short frame suddenly grew taller, towering over me menacingly, “This is why you are such an insignificant deity to most, you are too soft, you love and want to be loved. You wish to belong to someone and to possess someone, it makes you weak. You act more like a mortal than a Goddess.”

“I never felt like I belonged in Olympus,” My face became hard as my eyes narrowed, unafraid to speak my mind for once. A surge of anger pushed me to speak my mind, to stand up for myself and demand the respect I was never given, “I was always pushed away by my kin, made fun of and ostracized. Your own lovely wife made me a slave of hers, and then you. You look down on me and judge me, but you wish to possess just as much as I do, if not more.”

The God remained silent as his jaw ticked and Mr. Do’s face formed into an unfamiliar shape, features mixing with familiar faces, but still unknown. It didn’t stop shifting as Zeus’ eyes bore into mine and it felt like the air was ripped from my lungs as they started squeezing in on itself, choking me as I fell to the side, clutching onto the table tightly.

“I want to punish you direly for thinking you could abandon your ruler, Iris, I really do wish.” His voice was a dark hiss as I tried to breathe, but couldn’t, “But you’re too precious to be turned into foam or a star, Hermes, however, I know just the perfect way to make him suffer for his insubordination.”

My eyes widened at the mention of Hongjoong and I tried to speak, but I couldn’t as dark spots started colouring my vision. I tried to object and scream, but no word left my mouth as I scrapped at my throat in despair while Zeus watched on with an amused expression. He loved seeing his toys fret and beg for mercy, he loved feeling like the King he was, able to rule over everyone and decide everyone’s fate. But before my misery could continue, the door of the house was slammed open and loud panting filled the house.

“I forgot my satchel—” Hongjoong’s breathless words caught in his throat as suddenly the airflow was back in my lungs and I started coughing loudly as my knees gave out and sent me tumbling to the floor. Hongjoong was by my side in an instant, body hot and skin sizzling as he grabbed my cheeks and forced my head up. His amber eyes were almost fully red as he searched for visible injuries and his jaw ticked as he turned his head to face Zeus. He had a vicious look in his eyes and he almost but spat in front of the God as his voice thundered in the confined space, “What are you doing here?!”

“I came for what’s mine—” The laugh that left Hongjoong’s mouth was guttural and it made me shiver as my frantic eyes looked at my lover with despair, begging him to remain level-headed so that he wouldn’t ruin his chances of survival furthermore.

“What’s yours?” Hongjoong spat, eyes falling on me once again to make sure I was alright. He gulped as he cradled my cheeks and I opened my mouth to beg him to stop and walk away, but lips pressed against mine firmly before I was staring back into his wild amber eyes once again. He had made up his mind, and I could do nothing to convince him to stop, to think through whatever action he took next. He was here to protect me and if that meant he’d lose his life in the process, he didn’t care. He had sworn to protect me and I knew he’d do no less than that, “Enlighten me, Zeus, what’s yours again?”

The God seemed appalled by the way Hongjoong spoke to him, face contorting into disgust as he watched my quivering form and Hongjoong’s protective stance as he stood up and shielded me from the God’s furious eyes, “Iris is what’s mine, you fool. I will feed you to Cerberus if you utter one more word—”

But Hongjoong was reckless and he didn’t care as he threw his head back to laugh loudly, hysterically, and I clutched the trousers at his ankle and yanked on them to get him to stop, but he was gone, far gone. He’d go to unimaginable lengths to protect what was his and not even his lover could stop him anymore.

“Cerberus would hack me back up if he were to swallow me, don’t be foolish you old man.” Hongjoong tsked as if he was scrutinizing a child and my heart raced in fear for him, “Besides, Hades likes me too much to let me perish, after all, I make his job a lot easier with all the souls that I carry for him to the gates of the Underworld.”

Zeus hissed and stepped closer, hands balling up into fists. I took notice of the wind picking up frighteningly so outside, to the point it rattled the hinges of the windows, and I could only pray the other villagers wouldn’t be affected by Zeus’ wrath. They haven’t been anything but kind and loving to us, I would never forgive myself if anything were to happen to them.

“Before you destroy this lovely village,” Hongjoong seemed to be thinking the same as he smirked, the look on his face eerie as red swarmed around in his dark irises, overshadowing its beautiful caramel hue, “I must inform you that I have claimed Iris and she has claimed me, so you cannot touch neither one of us, you old fool.”

My cheeks heated despite the predicament and I gulped when deafening silence followed, the wind suddenly disappearing. My heart raced in my chest and it felt like it had ascended into my throat as I felt Hongjoong’s hands around my forearms, helping me up to stand next to him. His smirk remained frightening to any mortal, but the mischievous glint in his eyes told me that he was in control, that the odds were for once in our favour as he smoothed my hair down for me, “And since you are the one that loves to make up foolish rules for your peasants to follow, do I need to remind you what it means when a deity claims someone?”

Zeus just gulped, eyes darting between me and Hongjoong, the veins underneath his skin lightning as they travelled, his eyes turning a misty grey. No one knew Zeus’ real face, but I had come close to seeing it more than once, it was ugly. It reflected the person he was on the inside; he was ugly through and through, no wonder he chose to disguise himself even between his own kin, “I can still use her abilities to my liking, Hermes, that’s not what claiming one enthrals.”

“Oh, does it not now?” Hongjoong chuckled and I felt an arm sneak around my hips until his palm pressed flatly against my belly, his bottom lip between his teeth as raised an eyebrow mockingly, “Even if the seed had been planted to bring forth a new life?”

“She’s pregnant?” Zeus’ voice raised octaves as his eyes widened comically and the fundament of the house shook as I shuddered, clutching onto Hongjoong’s arm for stability. My skin was cold and I was shivering, but Hongjoong remained like a pilar by my side, supporting me and offering me braveness.

“She is pregnant with my child, yes.” Hongjoong’s smirk spread into a wide grin that made him look crazed as his amber eyes simmered in the darkness and the ground shook again. I looked at Zeus reluctantly as I let my hand rest above Hongjoong’s, our fingers tangling together as we held onto my belly. Zeus could feel it too, the shift in the Universe and the change in the alignment of the stars, he knew Hermes and I were fated to be together; he knew if he went against the wishes of the Cosmos, it would be him paying the price and not us. I couldn’t help but huff as I suddenly felt all tension leave my muscles, serenity infusing my brain and body like never before. Hongjoong, too, knew we were safe when his offensive stance relaxed and he stood tall in contentment.

“You are both traitors.” Zeus hissed, but there was no force in his voice, only defeat and despair, “And if I can’t make you pay, the Cosmos will find ways to make you suffer for what you’ve done.”

“Is that what you say to all the mistresses you keep?” My tone was cold and unforgiving, it shocked both Hongjoong and Zeus, “I wish you nothing but an eternity of suffering and misfortune, I wish that all of your children turn on you and bring your demise like you had brought your own father’s, Zeus.”

“Did you just curse me?” His voice boomed as Hongjoong threw his head back and started cackling loudly, bringing a small smile to my lips as I chuckled.

“I am no witch, Zeus, but I believe the Cosmos works in peculiar ways.” I stopped to take a breath, to finally say what I always wished to tell him, “And just because you are supreme to all of us, it doesn’t mean you are invincible. The Cosmos doesn’t differentiate in kind.”

Somewhere in the distance, a bolt of lightning struck and a deafening roar travelled through the forest as Zeus turned into nothing but dust and charged energy, lighting our house in blinding light for a second until everything was covered in darkness and silence. I remained frozen as Hongjoong started giggling, cradling my face as he grinned at me widely, “You are the most breathtaking creature I have ever had the luck to come across, my beloved.”

“I love you too, Hongjoong.” I chuckled and let him kiss me messily before he pulled back and giggled again, unable to contain the giddiness our small victory brought upon the both of us.

“Do you think I still have to report back to him tonight?” The question made me laugh as I threw my arms around his torso and pressed my body against his, revelling in his comforting warmth as I nuzzled my nose against his neck. Hongjoong pressed a chaste kiss against the crown of my head and I melted into his arms, feeling safe and like a weight had been lifted from my chest. We would be alright for the time being, the child would be safe down between the mortals and Zeus would leave us alone for now. I couldn’t tell what the future had in store for us, at least not until a vision came to me, but I didn’t care as long as Hongjoong was by my side.

The Cosmos gifted those deserving and took from those undeserving.

❱❱ Next star

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[wihellib]

Mammon was voted #1 in the Favourite H Scene poll here. Not really surprising. His H scene was quite good. Satan was 2nd and Foras was 3rd. I am surprised by Foras. I think there might be a bit of recency bias in this case.

Under the cut is my completely biased, quickly-written, kinda summarized opinions on each of the H scenes.

Satan

Satan staring at you without blinking while kissing and sleeping still throws me off.

I like that Satan reassures you that he’s doesn’t just like you because you’re the descendant of Solomon.

I don’t like hair pulling or strangulation, so not very fond of this scene, even though I like Satan a lot.

The CG is nice. I like how he’s grinning and the glow of his eyes.

Only features a little bit of spanking even though that’s his kink.

It’s mentioned that we’re feeling the pleasure that Satan’s feeling. This is done in several scenes. I’ve never liked it. It feels like a cop out.

The scene ends abruptly with you blacking out. I much prefer when there a bit of follow up/pillow talk afterwards.

Sitri

Sitri gives you tea to calm your nerves that makes your heart beat a lot faster and louder because of the caffeine… but I don’t think caffeine works to this extent, so creative liberty I guess.

His kink, hearing heartbeats, features prominently in this scene. Keeping his head near your chest, mouth on your chest, feeling your heartbeat through your intimate connection, and moving in time with your heartbeat.

You’re feeling turned on because he’s turned on, similar to Satan’s scene, still not a fan.

You feel more aroused as your heart beats faster and you think it might explode… I don’t see what’s arousing about that.

CG was good again. I liked that he’s showing a lot more emotion than his normal sprite usually does.

He calls you Solomon throughout, which is annoying, but does call you by your real name at the very end (the only time he’s done so).

Some pillow talk at the end which is nice.

Zagan

Zagan blushes and turns away when he sees your naked body, which is cute.

He’s quiet like usual, but does speak when you ask him why he wanted to help you, and says he wanted to do it with you and give you devils energy, while blushing. Very cute.

You get to take a bit more of a lead, be a bit more assertive, in this one, you’re not just manhandled around, which is refreshing.

I like that he seems to have a praise kink.

He tries to increase his muscle use, get a better workout, increase movement, which is his kink, which arouses him more, which arouses you. Fine whatever.

The CG is fine. Your foot looks wonky with its finger-like toes but Zagan looks good.

Some pillow talk again. Zagan has been mostly silent, but does say it was a good workout and he wants to do it again at the end.

Leraye

Leraye is completely overwhelmed by pleasure from hearing thunder, which is his kink. He basically tackles you onto the bed and glues himself on top of you.

I’m pretty sure this is the first time one of them play with your genitals during foreplay.

You are getting aroused from the thunder too, so we’re keeping the trend of whatever the guy likes you also like inexplicably.

MC comments he’s more like a growling wolf and not his golden retriever self.

I really like this CG. He’s completely on top of you, pressing you down on your stomach, while covering your eyes and biting your neck. His presence is overwhelming.

The thunder goes away and Leraye comes back to his senses. He’s so happy that it wasn’t a dream, smiling, lays down next to you, wishes you good dreams and kisses your forehead. I very much like this wind-down to the scene.

Paimon

We go to Paimon’s room instead of ours for this scene, which is a nice change of pace. His room is full of mirrors, which feature heavily in this scene. His kink, which is blood, isn’t included at all.

We’re also not naked right at the very start, which I much prefer. I like the undressing phase.

Paimon rubs your genitals and forces you to look at what he’s doing to you in the mirror, which he continues throughout the scene. I was surprised how dominant Paimon was in this scene, but I wasn’t against it.

Paimon says he loves pretty things and looking at pretty things from multiple angles. He says that you’re pretty and a devilish human.

He makes you brace your hands against a wall mirror and stuffs your shirt in your mouth.

The CG is good. For the first time we are shown a different angle than us on a bed. Paimon’s face seems a little off to me, but overall it’s good.

Paimon throws the mirror on the ground, so you’re forced to look at a different, more revealing angle.

Just a little bit of pillow talk. Paimon kisses us and tell us to come him when we want to play more.

Mammon

Back in Minhyeok’s room unfortunately. Mammon comes out swinging by immediately commenting on how skilled we look in accepting devil’s energy.

Mammon says that it was obvious since he first met you that he had to have you, but he also realized that he would just be one of many that would try that tactic. So, he decided to do something he’s never done before and let you have him. You will be his first master. He also reveals that he wasn’t as close to Solomon as the other Kings. You ask if he only likes you because you’re the descendant of Solomon and he replies that he just fell in love with you at first sight. This affection is clear throughout this scene, which increases its rank a lot for me.

Mammon’s kink is all about bottoms, and this scene reflects that. You’re both grabbing each other’s butts and getting more aroused.

Mammon picks you up and holds yours buttcheeks open while you wrap your arms around his neck. I like that Mammon is showing off his strength here.

I do wish that they had spent some time on Mammon using his fingers or tongue to prep you to take him. He is very large, evident by the fact that your first thought when he entered you was, ‘I am going to die’, so it would have been nice to see him care about making sure he doesn’t hurt you. He does hold himself still at first to let you adjust, but I still would have liked some prep beforehand.

The CG is good. No complaints.

Mammon flips you around, so you’re in a standing 69 position, showing off his strength again, and you give each other oral.

Longer pillow talk. He lays you on top of him, it was very nice.

Bimet

Bimet changes his tune about you real quick when Mammon declares you to be his master. He kneels before you and informs you that you became the being that arouses him the most with that declaration. He cannot covet Mammon, but now he can covet you, the only one who owns Mammon, and he is ecstatic about that. He wants to serve you. Bimet’s kink is wealthy people and you’re the wealthiest of all.

I do not like Bimet and I do not like his reasons for favouring you. It is shallow and fragile. He would be back to contempt for you the moment Mammon lost interest. I’m not a big fan of this H scene simply because I don’t like Bimet.

He licks your toes, which no thank you. He does oral on you and puts his conniving tongue to good use.

CG is good. I like how wet his mouth is because of you.

Some pillow talk. He gives you the first thing he truly owned himself, a coin from Solomon, and tells you to give it back to him if you choose him. I would have preferred if the first thing he owned wasn’t from Solomon.

Belial

You go to wrap your naked body in a blanket like you usually do, but Belial stops you and says you’ll end up taking it off anyways. The immediate assertiveness was surprising but interesting.

Because of his throat injury, Belial talks very little and Jjyu is not there to help him, so he communicates with you by writing on your naked body, which is his kink. It is a very good, intimate solution. He writes lots all over your body while fingering you.

You are against the wall, facing Belial, while he penetrates and writes adorations on you.

The CG shows that everything he’s written is glowing red on you. It’s a nice picture, but I could have done without him licking your armpit. I think I would have preferred a kiss in the lips instead.

Some pillow talk, you fall asleep with him inside of you.

Valefor

We have moved on from Minhyeok’s room, which is great. I felt it was much too restrictive, and caused repetitiveness.

Valefor reassures you and you tell him he is kind and reminds you of Mammon, which he approves of. When you see that he likes it, you lean more into the comparisons. Valefor is turned on by being compared to Mammon because he respects him greatly. You talk about Mammon a lot, but I wish it was a bit less, because this is supposed to be Valefor’s moment, not Mammon’s. His kink is supposed to be hearing explicit narratives, so I don’t think this really relates to it.

Valefor praises you for how well you know how to please a devil. And tells you to run away if you want to only know him as the kind relaxed Valefor.

Then we start going into exhibitionism territory, with him leading you to the closed door, where Bimet is just outside keeping watch. This is also not his kink.

Bimet leaves to check something, so Valefor increases the risk factor and opens the door while you’re both naked and penetrates you.

The CG is fine. The way you and he are positioned are a bit odd. It’s hard to tell whose body part is whose.

Valefor basically taunts you asking where Bimet is, then puts you in an even more embarrassing position.

Some pillow talk. He lifts you up, kisses your forehead, and you admire his chest.

Leviathan

Levi decides to give you devil energy even though he doesn’t like you. He hangs you and insults Minhyeok in an effort to make you mad so you hurt him, which will arouse him. So that’s what happens.

The CG is my least favourite of all of them. You start stomping on his lap and dick. Your toes are oddly long again and you have an oddly muscled thigh. Levi is not even naked. This is the only CG that doesn’t take place during some sort of penetration.

You straddle him and start strangling him and enough clothes have been taken off at this point that he penetrates you.

Then you kissed him for so long that you were both feeling oxygen deprived. He is in awe that you showed him there’s another way to suffocate. He thinks you’re talented. Only very little pillow talk.

I don’t like Levi. The way he acts and talks to you. I don’t like it at all. I also don’t like breath control, his kink, or anything to do with strangulation/choking, or beating people up. So this H scene was not for me at all.

Glasyalabolas

Glasy’s kink is necrophilia, and they include his kink in the H scene by making you as limp as a corpse after kissing him. Oh boy. I’m not fond of Glasy and I don’t like the idea of not being in control of yourself and unable to move at all. So this scene ranks very low for me.

He licks your toes, not a fan. He plays with your chest and nipples. He spreads you open and just stares, then performs oral on you, while keeping you spread open.

He makes your limp hand jerk him off, then uses your slack mouth. This is the second time you performed oral on a demon. This is what the CG shows, though I would have preferred if they picked something else.

Then he manhandles you into position to penetrate you. He cums inside you. Then he moves to your throat again and comes there too. This is the first time the guy has come twice in an H scene.

There is pillow talk. He wraps you in his cape, holds you and kisses you as the limpness wears off. He tells you he’ll fetch you when you die, but it’s good you’re alive now.

Foras

You realize you need devils energy, but none are around you right now, so you start masturbating. You hear the door open, but don’t see anyone. Foras is invisible, which plays into his kink.

He starts playing with your genitals while invisible. You realize who he is and call out to him, but he ignores you.

Finally he tells you to take off your clothes, pose embarrassingly, and just sit there in silence while he watches while still invisible. The dominance he’s displaying is unexpected, but fine.

Foras puts his dick near your mouth and you suck him off.

He penetrates you, again while all the while being invisible, so it looks like you’re being fucked by a ghost.

The CG could be better. His expression looks a little wonky and you’re clothed in it even though you’re supposed to be naked.

Foras informs you that he was there for every H scene. He really liked that you never noticed him.

He doesn’t let you see him afterwards, which I think he should have. He gets your permission to keep watching you having sex. Then he inexplicably cums on your face after you fall asleep. No thank you sir. And for some reason you don’t even comment on it after you wake up.

Overall

I liked Leraye, Mammon, Belial, Zagan, Paimon, and Valefor H Scenes the most.

[imsofuckingscaredofskeleons]

just finished cinderella's castle and i have at least one million things to say

overall i LOVED it. i don't agree with a lot of the hate it's receiving. i will say that prince charming had a couple of jokes that made me laugh here and there but the constant sex jokes got annoying.

HOWEVER i do NOT agree with the general opinion that this show is worse than the other starkid shows simply because of its humor. although i love starkid humor, it was really refreshing to see a work from them that contained humor but was not centered around being a comedy. i think it shows another side of what starkid is capable of. i know that their reputation is almost entirely built upon their unique comedy, starkid is not the same as it was when it first started. its grown much further and gained much more talent, skill, and funding that allows for different creative pathways. i think people too often expect for starkid to release comedy gold after comedy gold, and for each show to be funnier and more 'starkid-esque' than the last. i personally didn't go in with the expectation that this would be a highly comedic show, which is maybe why i didn't mind that it wasn't all that funny. i do see what people are saying about the humor maybe falling flat as a whole, though. most of the humor was just sex jokes, and there are other times when you can tell they were trying to be funny but even the live audience didn't give much reaction. even so, i much much MUCH prefer this show being more serious and dramatic with bits of humor than the other way around!

as for the story itself, i really liked it! i do think that it's a bit rushed at points, but it didn't take much away from the show for me personally.

one tiny (and highly controversial opinion, i know) is that i just wish jeff blim sang more in his range. that's not to say i despise his falsettos! i just wish he didn't rely so heavily on them because he's shown in the past how good his singing skills are and i'd really like to see him dip into his natural range more and just incorporate the falsetto rather than rely on it.

also was really hoping ella and tadius would get married at the end of the show :( but i suppose i can headcanon it until my brain just excepts it as canon. on the note of tadius, curt did AMAZING!! honestly all of the actors did such a fantastic job. angela was beyond crazy good at the evil role. kim whalen made that singing look so natural and effortless. bryce was of course killing it vocally the entire time. it was really nice to see bryce who is so beyond talented get to play the lead role!! the score was a bit odd to me but i dont hate it, and the mixture of classical and contemporary choreo, especially during the ball, was really nice! i think one of my favorite parts about the performances was all of the accents, they were terrific and just scratched my brain every time

my BIGGEST outake from the show was the sets. like oh my god it was so beyond gorgeous. when the tree came down??? amazing. and it was so refreshing considering the hatchetfield shows don't use many props or set pieces (which is great for those shows!! it's apart of what makes them hatchetfield shows rather than just any other starkid shows) so this felt like the first time really seeing starkid lean into the whole set and prop thing. and the PUPPETS??? so fucking spectacular. and beyond that, the puppeteer work was out of this world. i loved that you could still see the actors behind the puppets. angela's movements with the puppets along with her still evil performance inside the puppet was amazing. and jon and joey KILLED IT with their physicality and facial expressions, i'm so happy they were dressed up and obvious behind the puppets. their outfits, especially the long braid wig and the bowl cut added so much to the characters and the performance. in fact, all of the outfits in the show were so so so good, i especially loved tadius and sir-hop-a-lot's outfits. i also liked how the evil sister's outfits looked like rapunzel and belle's outfits, both the dresses and the wigs. it was a really nice but subtle touch!

so overall this was one of my favorite starkid shows. although it had its flaws, i think it got wayyy too much hate. it was ambitious and it was so refreshing to see starkid try something out of their usual comedies, and to put more into the sets, props, and outfits. a solid 8/10 for me!

[magpiemagica]

Just watched the first episode of King of Drag by Revry and wow… If you are a fan of masc drag or a creative yourself, please give it a shot.

KOD feels so warm and comforting to watch (at least to me personally). The show definitely wears its heart on its sleeve and I think that’s what makes it so special. It has a genuine feel that I really vibe with. There are a few moments that feel so relatable to watch, like a king voicing this discomfort with being picked last or reflecting on group dynamics. No big drama was happening but I was still super invested cause I wanted to see them succeed.

Murray Hill is a great host and presence but anyone who is familiar with his work doesn’t need me to tell them that. The panel of judges were solid and gave actual criticism. It’s cool seeing a production that genuinely wants their contestants to succeed and see their contestants as artists. That mindset is one of the reasons I was drawn to KOD in the first place.

It’s also nice to see drag that looks like… well normal drag lol. And I don’t mean normal like boring. I mean normal like reasonably priced. I feel like due to the beast that is Drag Race every drag show is expected to filled with ten thousand dollar costumes, designer pieces, and expensive gimmicks. It is refreshing to see drag performers who look similar to my local kings or acts I would see preforming at a convention. It feels more representative of the majority of artists and the art form in general.

I don’t have any specific favorites but King Molasses really impressed me. Also rooting for Dick Von Dyke out of bias, repping the Midwest well 👍

[whateverisbeautiful]

Recently saw a photo of Danai and Andy hugging. Lauren Cohan is hugging both of them. It looks like maybe a goodbye hug after shooting the bridge. (It wouldn’t let me upload.) What do you think about the off-screen chemistry between Danai and Andy? Sometimes it’s palpable. What do you think or feel when you see them out of character together?I love reading your insight on things.

I know the exact photo you’re talking about! Those two have so many great behind-the-scenes pics that capture the sincerity and intimacy of their connection as actors. 😊 I think Andy & Danai’s off-screen chemistry is something special. It’s why from their earliest TWD interviews to their latest TOWL promo they never fail to captivate and create memorable moments with their shared sense of charm, humor, eloquence, and passion for their craft and their characters.

And it’s so fortunate that two authentic actors with that insane amount of chemistry and mesmerizing talent got to play it out through two characters who have an epic love story.

When I think about how I feel when I see them out of character, I think about how years ago I saw my first clip of Andy and Chandler Riggs being interviewed and I remember something feeling so interesting to me about the clip. And then I realized it was because I was so used to seeing those two as father and son on TWD and in that interview they had a really cute dynamic but it was my first time seeing them not feel like a father and son but pals, understandably of course.

And then soon after that, I remember I saw my first interview with Andy and Danai and again I was like something feels so interesting to me about this clip. Except this time I realized what was so interesting to me is how their level of chemistry was so similar to Rick and Michonne.

Andy & Danai are different from their characters of course & consummate professionals, it’s just that in its own way the Richonne chemistry is definitely evident in their offscreen chemistry as well. Which is nice to see as that isn’t always a given with costars. And it makes sense that their chemistry as actors inspired the writers to want to give Rick and Michonne more scenes together.

They’re magic together on screen and off, and I love that they seem to have such a sincere loving friendship. They speak so highly of each other and the respect and admiration they have for one another is really sweet. And their banter has some legitimately great comedic timing too. 😂

Plus, having collaborated creatively to develop TV shows before, I know how that process can often put a lot of strain on collaborators’ relationships. So it’s really refreshing to see that Andy & Danai working together with Gimple as creators for TOWL actually seemed to be an overall positive bond-strengthening experience for them.

Just like I believe Rick and Michonne were meant to be together, Andy & Danai were meant to act together and so I’m so glad it worked out to where they could combine their exceptional talents in roles that were truly perfect for them. ☺️

[fawnandshadows]

How You Get The Girl

The Final Chapter - Chapter 26

AO3 ~ Masterlist

warnings: none

Word Count: 6.3K

“I’ve been thinking.” Elain said, her hand flat on Azriel’s stomach. His ripped muscles contracting under her touch as Elain gently caressed his skin.  

“I love your creativity, Elain,” Azriel said in a deep, husky voice. “But I have to say you’ve tired me out, which I really didn’t think was possible.” His sleepy chuckle caused desire to run through Elain’s veins. 

There was something about Azriel’s sleepy voice that elicited the desire to do the dirtiest things to him. It was so dark and warm that it fell over her like a velvet blanket. 

A slow grin spread over Elain’s lips. 

They were making the most of their time alone together. Having sex in almost every room of the house, Elain found she was especially fond of the sun room with its natural light – casting Azriel’s beautiful body in a golden glow –  while Azriel preferred her sprawled out in front of the fireplace in the dancing light of the flames. They were trying to cram as much as they could into the days they had Rosehall just to themselves. Like two teenagers running around before the realities of the world separated them. 

In a few hours, Rhysand and Feyre would be joining them, arriving right before lunch and Elain had already planned the menu for the meal she’d make for everyone. Something light and refreshing and subliminally begged her sister to not be angry that she and Azriel hijacked their time at Rosehall – not that Feyre would be upset, but Elain still wanted to make the effort.

Azriel turned out to be a great partner to have in the kitchen, cleaning up her mess without ever having to be asked. And Elain loved giving him little samples of her food because every time she asked him how something tastes, Azriel would think about his answer. Turning the food over on his tongue before giving his honest feedback. It was just nice that he took her so seriously. He was thoughtful in every aspect of his life, but it made her melt to be the focus of his consideration. Azriel was thoughtful in a way that made her feel cherished – thoughtful in a way no one else had ever been to her.

Elain suppressed a giggle as she trailed her fingers closer to his hips where the white sheet was tangled. The urge to take a picture of Azriel in his afterglow all sprawled in messy and mused sheets nipped at her.

“That wasn’t what I was thinking about,” Elain admitted, but she pressed closer into his side as the ache between her thighs pulsed in delight. “But I’m glad you think I’m creative.” She smiled shyly at him. 

Everything with Azriel was different. She didn’t hide from him, and whenever she got an idea she shared it freely. The lingering insecurities would most likely always stay with her, at least for sometime, but with Azriel she knew she was safe from judgment or censure. 

Azriel shifted onto his side, propping one hand under his head to look down at her, a soft smile on his lips. Wild, inky, bedheaded strands fell over his forehead and into his hazel eyes. He reached forward and grasped her kee to pull one leg over his hips. 

“And you surprised me with your flexibility.” Azriel said into her neck, his lips moving over her pulsing veins. 

“Yoga is the only physical activity I like.” Elain breathed as Azriel’s warm lips met her skin. 

A small noise sounded from the back of Azriel’s throat. 

“The only physical activity?”

Elain could feel his smirk against her neck as she raked her fingers through his thick hair. 

“Ok, it’s my second favorite.” Elain said, grinding her hips into his and Azriel groaned at the movement. 

“I think it’s best if you just tell me what you’re thinking, beautiful.” Azriel said, pressing a kiss into her shoulder and brushing back her tangle of golden hair. He pulled back to look at her face, sensing that whatever she said was going to be important. 

“Well,” Elain started, taking a deep breath and pulling back slightly, delving further into the down pillow. “I already mentioned that I wanted to stop modeling,” Azriel nodded, watching her carefully to see where this was going. Encouraging her gently with his eyes. “And I’ve been writing more and more lately…I think I want to try to do it full time. Try and get something original published, you know? It could all blow up in my face, of course, we don’t even know if I can write original fiction, but I’d really like to try.” 

Azriel wrapped his fingers around hers. His thumb gently rubbed circles against her soft skin.

“I think that’s amazing, Elain,” Azriel said softly, taking in the hesitant joy on her face. He’d read her work and genuinely enjoyed it. Mor was the one that monitored her fanfiction account for security purposes, but he’d always found himself going back to see if she’d posted. “Your fics get a crazy amount of interactions. You’re incredibly talented. And I happen to know for a fact that you could write original fiction.”

“You do?” Elain asked, raising a slim brow. 

Azriel nodded and said, “When I read your work, it’s separate from the original source. The characters are familiar enough, but the way you create plots and wind everything together, it’s all you. And not to mention that your writing can stand on its own. You have talent, Elain.” 

Elain’s heart stopped in her chest and she took in his words. A rosy glow swirled through her.

“You’re only saying that because you got laid.” Elain mumbled, blushing as she squeezed his hand. 

“Hey,” Azriel said, his dark brows furrowed together, and he used his fingers to lift her chin up to meet his eyes. “Don’t do that. Don’t discredit your own talent.” 

A stinging pricked at her eyes and an overwhelming sense of luck made her feel like she was floating. 

“Thank you for saying that,” Elain whispered, her heart tying itself into a knot in her chest. She scooted even closer to him. “I’m grateful to have you in my life. I know my sisters love me, but I never really felt like I’ve someone in my corner like this before.” 

Azriel's eyes softened as he ran a comforting thumb over her delicate chin.

“I love you.” Azriel said huskily in a thick voice, his eyes bright and golden and full of emotion. 

“I love you too.” Elain said, leaning close to him and brushing her nose against his. 

“I love you more.” Azriel teased, pressing his lips against her. 

“Prove it.” 

— — — —

“Ah, fuck,” Azriel said, furiously sticking his foot through the leg of his jeans. Balancing on one leg as Elain rushed around the room as someone feverishly pounded on the front door. “Don’t they have a key?”

Elain slipped her purple sundress over her head, fluffing her hair and desperately trying to tame any flyaways. 

“How do I look?” Elain asked, her cheeks bright and pink and flushed. He wanted to take a bite of her.

“Like you just had the most intense orgasm of your life.” Azriel said, zipping his jeans and grabbing the wrinkled white t-shirt on the ground. 

Elain groaned and hid her face in her hands, her golden hair curtaining her arms. 

The knocking sped up another notch. 

“Who the fuck died?” Azriel said in a clipped tone, annoyed that his time with Elain ended this way. He stepped towards Elain and gently grasped her wrists to pull her hands away from her face. 

She gazed up at him with wide, vulnerable brown eyes. 

“You look beautiful, Elain.” Azriel said honestly, relieved that some of the tension had eased from her shoulders. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but the knocking sounded off again. 

“Fuck.” Azriel said, rolling his eyes before spinning on his feet and charging out of the room. 

“It’s just Feyre and Rhysand.” Elain said behind him. Her soft feet padded across the floor to keep up with him. “Probably.”

“Don’t they have a key?” Azriel asked, flying down the steps. 

“Yeah.” Elain said, her voice trailing off and Azriel knew she thought this was as odd as he did. 

Azriel whipped open the door to see a frenzied Feyre and Rhysand looking at them apologetically, a sleeping lump in Feyre’s arms known as Nyx snoozed heavily. 

“We’re really sorry about this,” Feyre said at the same time Rhysand said, “We tried to stop them.” 

Two more cars pulled into the long driveway, dirt and gravel kicking up into the air, and Elain felt her heart deflate in her chest. She recognized Cassian's car and registered that the long hair in the passenger's seat belonged to Nesta, but the other car could only belong to one other person. 

Elain bit back a groan as she saw her parents exit the car, both of them pinning Elain and Azriel with the weight of their stares. 

— — — — 

Azriel was the first one that liked her post. 

It made her smile even though she was tucked into his side, curled up on a loveseat in the corner of the room. Her parents were somewhere in the kitchen far, far away from the rest of the family, but Feyre and Rhysand were laying on the couch in front of the fireplace, and Nesta and Cassian were off doing something that Elain didn’t want to think about. Based on the heated looks that those two had been throwing each other's way, Elain had missed a lot in the one week she’d been away from the world. 

“You really do have a talent. '' Elain whispered to Azriel, looking at the pictures she just posted and ignoring the steady flow of incoming notifications. The first was the one that he had taken of her in the garden on the day he helped her move — she never even saw him there, but he saw her. He had always seen her. And then she swiped to the second picture, the one that was leaked. She debated whether or not to post it, and after talking through it with Azriel, she knew she had to. Elain loved the picture that Azriel had taken and she wanted to reclaim it. Own it. She wanted to show off her boyfriend’s talent, and she wouldn’t let something so lovely be tainted. And the third and final picture. The one of her second tattoo, the tiny heart on her ribcage that Azriel had inked on her while they were at Rosehall…. Azriel and Elain were standing in front of a mirror and while Azriel was wearing a tight, black t-shirt, Elain was only wearing a pink, floral, flouncy skirt…and Azriel’s hands. His hands were big enough to hold all of her breasts, and Elain had made sure to crop the picture into a close up, so that only their forms in the mirror could be seen and nothing else in the room around them. 

A high-pitched squeal sound from the couch and Elain couldn’t help the excited smile that spread across her lips. Butterflies were working overtime in her stomach. 

Feyre’s head popped up from the couch in a way that reminded Elain of the Whac-A-Mole game. Her golden brown hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun and her blue eyes were bright and alert as she took in her sister curled into Azriel’s side - Feyre’s smile took over half her face. Rhysand slowly appeared behind Feyre, his face not nearly as lit up as Feyre’s, but he gazed at her in soft adoration.

The white light of her phone illuminated her face as Feyre read in delight, “‘LOVE OF MY LIFE?’ ‘MY BOYFRIEND IS TALENTED?’” Feyre threw her head back in a cackle and kicked the arm of the sofa in excitement. “Why don’t you just tell the haters to f off?” Rhysand pressed his lips into Feyre’s hair, hiding his smile over her enjoyment. “Hard launching your hot boyfriend while showing off how talented he is? I have to share it.” 

Elain’s phone buzzed with a notification as Feyre liked, commented, and shared the post to her story. She knew if she clicked on Feyre’s post she’d see a slew of hearts and fanfare. 

“Hot?” Rhysand said, his brows knitted together and his violet eyes fixed Azriel with a glare. Azriel just shrugged at him, but Elain got the feeling he was smirking. 

Heavy footsteps thudded down the stairs with muffled voices speaking over each other. 

“You bitch!” Nesta exclaimed, skidding into the room wearing Cassian’s boxers and t-shirt and somehow making it look fashionable. Cassian stood behind her in only gray sweatpants with a giant smirk on his face, both of their hair needed brushing. “You hard launched Azriel and didn’t tell me. Ugh, I would have tagged all those nasty bitches that called you a whore.” 

“Nesta!” Elain shouted, hiding her face in Azriel’s chest, his strong arms wrapping around her, but his body shook as he laughed at Nesta’s words. 

“Fuck, you guys look good,” Nesta said, zooming in on a picture. “Azriel showing off his eight pack looks hot as hell, and while also showing off his hand size? Flaunting your hot boyfriend is just the start of your revenge,” Nesta held up her hand palm-side out. “I’m not about Azriel accidentally leaking a dick pic, just so everyone can see how good you’re getting it.” 

“Hot?” Cassian said, drawing back in outrage as Elain tossed a pillow at her sister.

“Dick pic?” Elain said, lifting her head from Azriel’s chest and staring at her sister. 

“Well, yeah,” Nesta said, looking up from her phone and placing a hand on her hip. “People have been slut shaming you online for weeks now, and showing off how hot Azriel is just the beginning. We need a full blown plan of attack.” 

“Hot?” Cassian said again, even louder than before. 

“Yeah,” Feyre said, nodding and looking back and forth between Cassian and Rhysand. “It’s about time you guys learned that Azriel is very, very good looking.” 

Azriel chortled into Elain’s hair. He whispered into Elain’s ear, so no one else could hear him, “Make sure Nesta never goes on my phone.” A shiver raked through her body, but she playfully elbowed him. 

“I feel the need to point out that I agree,” Elain said, raising her hand and smiling brightly. “I’m going to love showing you off.” She looked over her shoulder to Azriel who was gazing at her with a smile on his lips and a blush on his cheeks. 

Cassian sighed with his entire being. 

“We know that Azriel is hot.” Rhysand said, causing Azriel to groan and hide his face in Elain’s hair. 

“We were just hoping that you two,” Cassian continued, his index finger moving back and forth  between Nesta and Feyre. “Didn’t notice.” 

Rhysand nodded his head in agreement. 

Heavy, less excited footsteps hurried down the hall and Elain felt some of the joy she was feeling dim out a bit. She steeled herself as her parents entered the doorway, her father carrying Nyx on his hip. 

“Mama!” Nyx called out, his hands outstretched and making grabbing motions towards Feyre on the couch. 

Her father slowly walked across the wooden floor, his expression neutral and he handed his grandson to his daughter. 

Her mother’s manicured hands lifted to her hips and her eyes narrowed into slits. 

“Are you pregnant?” She asked in a cold, detached voice. 

Elain’s body froze and she couldn’t stop the “No?” that eeked out of her. 

“You’re not sure?” Her mother asked and Elain felt about two feet tall. 

“Of course I’m sure,” Elain asked, steadying her voice as Azriel’s hands tightened on her body in comfort. “I’m just surprised that you asked,” Elain paused for a second, and her irritation took over as she continued. “Azriel and I use condoms.” 

“Yeah,” Nesta snorted. “Just look in the bathroom trash.” 

Elain’s face burned, but Cassian quietly scolded her so Elain didn’t have to. 

“So glad our family lake house was the perfect place for your sexcapades,” Her mother stated calmly through narrowed eyes, causing Elain to cringe and fight off the humiliation that was itching underneath the surface of her skin. “I —”

Azriel’s body tensed behind hers, and Elain dug her nails into his arm to keep him at bay. 

“Ew,” Feyre cried, covering Nyx’s ears. “Mom, can you please not say that?” 

“Well, your sister is the one who made our home into a den of iniquity, so I hardly I think —” 

“Helena,” Elain’s father cut her off in a stern voice. A voice that Elain knew he tossed around during his business meetings, but she could count on one hand the amount of times she heard it used on family members. “Could you please retract your claws and stop attacking our daughter.” 

Elain felt her jaw drop. 

Her mother’s shoulders snapped back at the words and she fixed her cool gaze on her husband. 

“Richard,” She hissed. “Your little girl has been shacking up,” Her mother gave an exaggerated shiver. “In our family house, and you’re defending her? I mean,” She held out a hand towards where Elain and Azriel were curled together on the couch. “Look at the man she has chosen to tie herself to. We were supposed to be planning her marriage to Graysen by now.” 

“I have seen him,” Her father said, his blue eyes flashing towards where the loveseat and Elain leaned deeper into Azriel’s warm embrace. “And I’ve seen the way he’s protected her despite all the trouble it’s caused both of them, and I’ve more than seen and understood the reason that Feyre is alive because of him,” Azriel’s body tensed around her and a pall cutrained the room at her father’s words. “So, if Elain wants to spend her life with him, then we sure as fuck aren’t getting in the way.” 

Her mother pursed her lips and leveled her father with a cool glare. 

“If you say so, darling,” Elain’s mother said coldly, undoubtedly embarrassed to have been spoken to like that in front of an audience. “I know that’s what we agreed to before we came here,” Helena struck back her shoulders into perfect position, and Elain felt floored at the revelation. That her parents had not only spoken about her choices, but apparently accepted who she chose to spend her life with. It didn’t surprise Elain that her father had an easier time accepting Azriel than her mother did. “I apologize.” She jerked her head at Elain and Azriel. 

“Thanks.” Elain said, feeling oddly removed from her body. She felt Azriel nod behind her. 

“And we also wanted to let everyone know that dinner is ready,” Her father said, outstretching an arm to lead to the large doorway behind him. “Please dress accordingly.” He looked sternly at Nesta, who begrudgingly nodded her head and left the room with Cassian hot on her heels. 

“Nyxie needs his dinner as well.” Helena said, her voice infinitely more soft when talking about her grandchild. Even though her mother wouldn’t have been happy if she was pregnant, Elain thought, she knew her child would be doted on by her parents.  

“You got an empty belly, buddy?” Ferye asked Nyx, her fingers dancing over his rounded tummy, causing his little feet to start kicking. 

Feyre and Rhysand quickly left for the kitchen, Helena following behind them. 

Elain slowly stood from her spot on the loveseat and she knew that Azriel echoed her movements. She moved across the floor and wrapped her arms around her father’s tired form. 

“Thanks Daddy.” She whispered as she squeezed him tightly. Emotion flooding through her in a way that nearly knocked her over. Overwhelming relief that almost brought her to tears. 

She knew that there were battles that she and Azriel would have to fight down the line, but knowing this wasn’t one of them made her feel like she was standing in sunshine. 

Her father awkwardly patted her on the back, slightly unsure of how to react. 

“I just want you to be happy.” He said softly. Elain tightened her eyes shut and pulled him in closer before taking a step away and giving her father a watery smile. 

“I am happy.” She said, reaching back to clasp Azriel’s left hand. 

Her father gave a firm nod of his head before sticking out his hand to Azriel. 

“I can’t remember if I ever properly thanked you for what you did for Feyre,” Richard said, his voice thick with emotion but somehow still stern. Azriel placed his hand in the open hand. “I know you’ll protect Elain.”

“With my life.” 

“Hey,” Elain elbowed Azriel in the ribs. “That won’t be necessary.” 

Azriel dropped her fathers hand before wrapping Elain in his arms and kissing the top of her head.   

Sensing a private moment, Elain’s father quietly slipped out of the room. 

Elain turned in Azriel’s strong arms and pressed a kiss to the underside of his sharp jaw. 

“It’s the truth,” Azriel said, pressing another kiss into her soft hair. The smell of honey and jasmine lulling his senses. “If something was to happen to you…I’d make sure it’d happen to me first.” His voice was so quietly, deadly serious that Elain’s heart dropped to her feet. 

“Just know that it would go both ways.” She said, looking up at him, her stare unwavering. 

“Elain, I’m not worth—”

“Yes,” She said, firmly cutting him off and not-so-gently clasping his chin in between her fingers so that he couldn’t look away. “You’re worth it to me. To your mother. To Rhysand and Cassian. Feyre and Nesta. And Nyx. So, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not as expendable as you think you are.” 

Azriel’s eyes were bright as they narrowed at her, and Elain knew that there were ghosts in his brain knocking around his own insecurities, but she wouldn’t let them win. 

She raised herself to her tiptoes and pulled him into a light kiss. They’re lips softly brushing against each other in tenderness. 

“So it’s decided,” Azriel said against her mouth. “We’re both staying alive.” He gave her a slow, languid kiss that made her toes curl. 

With his forehead resting against hers and their lips barely touching in what was the barest hint of a kiss, Elain had never felt more at peace. For the first time she was truly looking forward to what was coming next. Knowing that no matter what, she’d have Azriel by her side. Her rock when life got so tumultuous she felt like she was drifting. Her comforting shoulder when she’s was so full of emotions that they’re spelling out from her. Her source of sunshine on days she felt the darkest. 

His large hands laid flat against the curve of her hips. Squeezing her gently as Cassian and Nesta passed by them, both appropriately dressed for family dinner. Cassian shot them a wolf whistle, and Nesta didn’t even scold him, she just looked at her sister with a knowing glint in her eye. 

“I’m telling them tonight,” Elain said in a low voice, peering up as Azriel brushed a strand of golden hair behind her ear. “That I want to pursue writing full time,” Azriel’s dark eyebrows shot up his forehead in an unasked question. “I don’t want to hide anymore,” She said, feeling light and free. “Plus it will make for good dinner conversation.” 

— — — — —

ONE WEEK LATER 

“How does this taste?” Elain asked, holding a wooden spoon out to Azriel. Her free hand held palm up to catch any dripping red sauce. 

His warm hand wrapped firmly around her wrist, steadying her as he brought the spoon towards his lips. 

Azriel’s handsome face was a study in concentration. Dark brows pulled together in a knot between sharp, clear eyes. While Azriel was giving the sauce his full consideration, Elain was giving Azriel the same in return. 

He looked even more handsome than usual in a crisp white button down shirt that looked delightful against his tanned brown skin, and if Elain looked really closely she could see the outline of Azriel’s abs. His black pants fit snugly over his butt that Elain couldn’t help but pinch it whenever he walked by. His sleeves were rolled up to show off some of the tattoos that were inked into his forearms, which combined with his ear piercings made the most delicious combination of formal and rebellious. 

When they were at Rosehall Azriel had left the majority of his jewelry at home, so when they had gotten back Azriel had started playing with his piercings again. Elain was happy to see her favorite little paperclip back in place. 

His pink tongue ran across his lips as he pulled away from the spoon. 

“Perfect,” Azriel said, nodding in approval. “It tastes just like how Ma makes it. She’s going to love it.” He wrapped his arms around her small frame as she turned back to the stove, stirring the sauce. 

“You’re sure? You aren’t just saying that to make me feel better? You can tell me if something is off, I want it to be perfect for your mom.” Elain said, not bothering to hide the worry in her voice. 

Her golden hair was piled messily on top of her head – she was not going to risk feeding Azriel’s mom one of her hairs, she even thought about using a hairnet, but vanity won out on that one – and her pink floral apron did a beautiful job of keeping her dress clean. She wore a cobalt blue dress made of crushed velvet that stopped mid thigh and garnished her shoulder with little sheer cap sleeves. 

“She’s going to be impressed.” Azriel said, his voice more than assuring Elain of his honesty. She relaxed enough to melt into his embrace. 

The timer for the garlic bread dinged as the doorbell rang out. 

Elain was already halfway across the room as she said, “You get the bread and I’ll get the door!” She tossed her apron on the hook and removed the slip from her hair, not wanting his mother to see how messy she got when cooking. 

Elain swiftly opened the door to find Paloma, Azriel’s mother on the opposite side, wearing a wide smile and carrying a canvas tote full of ingredients to make tiramisu. Her silver-streaked black hair fell in wild curls around her shoulders and Elain would have bet that if straightened her hair would fall well below her hips. 

“You look lovely, Paloma!” Elain greeted and opened her arms to take the tote, but Paloma pulled her in for a hug instead. Her fingers were heavily adorned with silver rings that Elain could feel their coolness through her dress. 

“You’re beautiful, as always Elain,” Paloma said before pulling away and spotting her son walking across the floor towards them. “You both have that glow that only young love can bring,” She pressed a kiss on Azriel’s cheek as he leaned down to greet his mother – Elain noticed his cheeks had turned a charming shade of pink. “I have a feeling you’ll be asking for your grandmother's ring in no time.” She poked him in his pec and Azriel’s cheek flamed brighter. 

— — — — — 

ONE MONTH LATER

“Elain?” Azriel called out, stepping into the dark and quiet apartment, his eyes searching for his girlfriend. His arms loaded down with plastic bags full of Chinese takeout. 

They were the only two in the apartment. Feyre was still deep into her training, so much so that she barely remembered to speak with anyone that wasn’t in her immediate vicinity. Whenever she got hyper focused on training, there wasn’t much room for anything else. Rhysand and Nyx were with her, supporting her and keeping her grounded, and Rhysand could never truly remove himself from his responsibilities – he cared too much, far more than he ever actually let on, so whenever he called or texted Azriel for updates, Azriel would manage to do the same in return. Soon after they hung up Rhysand would send out a picture of Nyx to the group chat, or let everyone know how Feyre was progressing. Feyre got the same when she was painting, but she didn’t have to seek the solitude of Rosehall for that, so it was easier for Elain to check in on her. 

Nesta had been staying with Cassian, in the same building, so it wasn’t uncommon to run into each other. And Nesta would pop up in the apartment from time to time, but their relationship was still budding and Elain and Azriel were both heartened by how seriously they were working on their relationship. Azriel had never questioned how well Nesta and Cassian would fit together, how much good they would do for eachother, but they ran so hotblooded and passionate around each other that he feared one spark could blow the entire thing up. They had different challenges to face than him and Elain. 

They had a double date planned with Nesta and Cassian later that week — Azriel had finally convinced Elain that she didn’t have to work on the weekends as well. 

She was so deep into her writing that she was shut inside for most of the day, leaving her computer to prepare food, (something quick and easy, Azriel had to remind her that pop tarts weren’t true meals) go to the bathroom, or sleep. Elain had tried writing at a coffee shop or library just to get out of the house, but both times paparazzi had swarmed her within the hour. If she needed a change of scenery, Paloma was happy to offer her little courtyard to Elain, cutting off access to the public when need be for “maintenance”. 

Azriel had asked for the ring, a simple band of gold adorned with a beautiful emerald, an elegant, classic beauty just like Elain, but it was tucked safely in his sock drawer. 

Logically, Azriel knew there wasn’t a perfect time, but there was a right time and it wasn’t now.  

Elain was so focused on her new career and he wanted to support her, not add any stress of planning a wedding or another new decision that would alter their lives. Because it would be different, being married wasn’t the same as dating. They would be married, eventually, but he wanted to enjoy every stage of their relationship. He didn’t want to skip ahead. 

“Azriel?” Elain called out, her voice speaking of her sleepiness. 

He flickered on the lights and Elain poked her head out of their bedroom doorway. She must have been writing in bed. 

Elain rubbed at her eye with a small fist as she walked towards this, greeting him with a gentle kiss and taking one of the bags from him. 

“You didn’t have to get dinner,” Elain said, placing the bag on the counter before pulling plates out of the cabinet. “We still have leftovers, I think, or I could have made us a salad.” 

“You were working all day, Elain,” Azriel said, wrapping his arms around her and she fixed them plates. Elain wasn’t getting paid to write, and she had a tendency to downplay her achievements, but Azriel wouldn’t let her. “And I wanted to treat my girlfriend to one of her favorites. I even got you extra egg rolls and more than enough to carry us through til the weekend.” 

“I love you,” Elain sighed before placing a kiss on the underside of his jaw. “I haven’t been neglecting you, have I?” She asked, dunking an egg roll in duck sauce before bringing it up to his lips. 

Azriel bit down in a crunch. 

“Of course not,” Azriel said, swallowing and squeezing his hold on Elain. “Just because you're focusing on yourself doesn’t mean you’re neglecting anyone else,” Elain nodded to herself, as if needing to hear the words and took a small bite of the egg roll. There was something about sharing food with Elain that always made him feel warm and doughy inside. “Now, do you want to watch a movie, or are you sick of looking at a screen.” 

Elain nodded her head and said, “Something mindless, please.” 

They fell into a routine. Elain spending her days writing while Azriel floated to whoever needed a bodyguard that day, and then they would alway pass their nights together. Either curled up on the couch or in bed together. Occasionally breaking their routine for a night out with their friends. 

“Azriel,” Elain called out and her voice shook him. It was the most scared she’d sounded in a long time. He hurried out of the bathroom in only his boxers with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. 

“Babe?” Azriel asked, pulling his toothbrush out of his mouth. 

Elain was standing in front of her mirror wearing a bra – Azriel tried not to ogle how her full breasts were pushing out of their cups – and unbuttoned jeans. Her cheeks were twinged with paleness that spoke of her worry as her fretful brown eyes met his in the mirror. 

“What’s wrong?” Azriel asked, not seeing her in any pain and not seeing a spider he needed to kill. He vaguely wondered if something had been leaked again, but they had been careful and security ramped up their efforts. 

“My jeans won’t button.” Elain stated and her bottom lip quivered a bit and she stared at him, waiting for his response. 

Azriel knew he had to tread carefully, with her past and her relationship with food Azriel didn’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing. He’d love Elain no matter what her body looked like, and he had always appreciated the wide curve of her hips and the plushness of her body. Feyre and Nesta had leaner bodies, easier to tone and more geared towards athleticism, but during her modeling days (and due to her mother’s influence) Elain had forced her body to survive on the fewest calories possible. Now that she had stopped modeling and improved her relationship with food, her body had changed. 

He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand, not wanting to have toothpaste on his face for this conversation. 

“It’s just,” Elain surprised him by speaking again. “What if my writing career doesn’t work out?” Her voice was low and uneven. “And I have to go back to modeling? I don’t … It wasn’t healthy for me.” 

“Hey,” Azriel said, pulling her into his body and carefully holding his toothbrush away from her body. “You don’t have to model again. Ever,” He said gently into her ear, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her arm. “And if your writing career doesn’t take off, which it will,” He emphasized and kissed her bare shoulder. “Then you can try again. Whatever you want, I’ll be here for you.” He pressed a kiss to her collar bone and felt her shiver under his touch. 

“And you…think I look ok?” Elain asked, her voice breathless. 

Azriel pressed a kiss to the top part of her breast which was overspilling from its cup in a way that taunted him. 

“You’ll never be anything but beautiful to me, Elain,” Azriel whispered against her skin, his voice full with arousal. “And after we get back from dinner I’ll show you exactly how much I love your body,” He pressed a warm, open mouth kiss over the skin of her breast and sucked until a wet, purple mark appeared. He heard Elain swallow as he picked up his head. “But we can’t keep Nesta and Cassian waiting. Maybe we can go shopping this weekend if you’d like, and I can always help you work out, if you’re interested.” 

Elain nodded her head and smiled at him. 

“I’d like that,” She said and kissed his cheek, her face bright and flushed. “Another way for us to spend time together.” 

— — — — — 

ONE YEAR LATER 

Bright lights were shining down on Elain, but she refused to let them blind her. 

After a year, she had finally agreed to be on the show again with one stipulation. 

A name change. 

It was no longer The Archer, The Valkyrie, and The Face, but simply The Archerons. Something that Feyre and Nesta had easily agreed to, in fact they had even stood behind her and said they wouldn’t film unless production had agreed to change the name. And with Feyre set to return  soon to the Olympics, they couldn’t risk not filming.  

There was so much for her to say, Elain thought, staring down the camera. For once, she wasn’t filled with dread, but rather excitement to talk about her own life on her own terms. In the past year, she had posted on social media so sparingly that she had somehow gained followers, and what she did post gained so much traction and buzz that she somehow accumulated more fame and attention. 

Her book was one month away from being published. A fear so new and so different from what she had experienced before grew with each passing day. Elain was so proud of herself and scared to hear what the public thought about her work, but she was already well into her second novel. Another romance. Lucky for her, she thought as her mind drifted to Azriel who was standing somewhere behind the bright lights, she had a never ending source of inspiration. 

A sense of pride and accomplishment grew within her and she gained a confidence that she hadn’t had before. 

Yes, Elain thought, crossing her legs and cupping her hands over her knee, she was ready to speak. 

“Action!” 

~~~~~~~~~~

AN: Ok, I have never felt this bittersweet before. I have tears in my eyes and like the biggest smile on my face! It took me way longer than I thought to get to this moment, but this ending feels so perfect to me and I'm so glad I didn't rush to finish How You Get The Girl. Thank you so much to everyone who even read one chapter of this story and I'm sending the biggest, bestest hugs to anyone who has read through to the end <333333.

tagging: @123moiaussi @fuckmelifesucks @thefangirlofhp @sakurakittypeach @nikethestatue @tswaney17 @impossiblescissorspeachpaper @feyredarlinq @duskwhisperer @nyxreads @rinadragomir @secretpuppyflower @captainbrucebanner @ultadverb @irisesforelain @shedoessoshedoes  @magnolia-blossom87 @sheenabeene @nivem565  @casuallivi @rhysiedarling @elain99-blog @athena-85 @swankii-art-teacher @reverie-tales @jujugirlfrombookstore @shadowflorecita @shy-violet-soul @thisloveseternal

[esoteric-chaos]

What is Warding? The How-Tos and Methods

As I stated in my post on protection. Protection is necessary in the world we live in as it is just a fact of life. It's important spiritual hygiene

Warding will keep negative entities out of your space, negative energy will be kept at bay, and block spells and psychic attacks against you/your home.

Warding is a defensive type of protection magic. You can also do baneful wards. Those are an offensive and defensive type of magical protection.

Warding can be done physically by shielding as well as done within the property and home. I never recommend just one protective ward in case one fails. However this will depend on your lifestyle and what you feel you need. If you are someone who is an online figure you'd probably want more protection. Same if you work in retail, those dirty looks from customers are like daggers.

Here are some methods

For your Space

Energy - Visualize a powerful bubble of protective light of any colour coming from the core of your being. Imagine it encasing your space and solidifying into a protective barrier around your space. Unbreakable, bendable and sold against anything hitting against it. This can take up a lot of energy. I suggest tethering this ward to a crystal tower of either quartz or selenite. Selenite is self charging and cleansing, still will need to be refreshed. You can borrow energy from energy sources to do this.

Guardians - Create a house guardian to guard your home or space from negative energies. Use a any object, enchant it with your intention, and keep it in a safe, permanent place. Feed it weekly with energy or offerings.

Jar - Create a traditional witches bottle or a intuitive bottle of your choice.

Sigils - Create a sigil to protect yourself or ward your space. When creating it to ward your space give it directions on what you'd like it to do during creation. That intent will help it do its job.

For the Self

Energetic Shielding and Energy Armor - Energy shielding and armour are very much like making protections and wards around your home, they're made with the energy you manifest within yourself or if you are someone who has low energy it can be borrowed from energy sources. You can throw them up together or just either or.

Energy Armour is created like so. Ground, center, visualize if you can or will it into being this energetic armour (can look like any sort of fictional or fantasy armour) surrounding you from head to toe. I like to give it an element, like fire to burn away any negativity coming my way. Get creative. I personally like to incorporate 4 main elements, lastly with spirit to recycle back energy to me during the day.

Energy shielding is created similarly. Instead, visualize or will into being a bubble. Can look like anything you want. This is created similarly to the armour. The difference is this is a bubble and you can expand your shield to push others away from you energetically while the armour is more skin-tight.

I suggest you bring these wards down when you no longer need them at the end of your day. They drain energy regardless of recycling. Ground and recenter after to return any borrowed energy.

Baneful wards

Baneful wards are wards that have a bit of a spicy kick to them. It can be a jar full of string, baneful herbs and sharp objects that capture any spirit or negative energies into your jar. Tangles them up so they cannot get unstuck like a spider's web, being harmed in the process of crossing you. Could be a labyrinth ward you programmed into an object, where they get stuck in this never-ending twisting turning labyrinth forever. Can be a mirror ward placed on top of your energetic ward, a reflective front to bounce back anything sent your way. That's a great way to layer wards just in case something snuck past the mirror for whatever reason.

You can also ask your ancestors/deities/spirits for aid to throw it back at their face 10 fold if you have a great relationship with them. I'd still offer them a nice offering for the help though.

The possibilities are literally endless and that's the fun part with baneful wards. Creativity is in your hands.

Can I Over Ward?

Absolutely, it's horrible. The energy feels dead, can no longer do divination and you feel trapped in life. I'd first ask your divination method of choice or spirits if you are cursed before you go tearing down any wards because that's a mistake you do not want to make.

If you over ward try taking down a single-layered ward or rework the heavy-hitting one you have currently going. Never fully take down all protections at one time as that leaves you vulnerable.

Open up your wards, banish your space of that gross stagnant energy and cleanse your space. Once you do that try inviting some good vibes back in. Try singing, dancing, listening to music, anything really to lift those vibes and get that stale energy moving again.

Blessings!

Looking for all of my posts in one place? Check out the Masterpost

[jokeroutsubs]

📝ENG Translation: NEW VOICES: RAIVEN in conversation with Bojan Cvjetićanin

Article published in April 2024 issue of VOGUE Adria magazine, English translation by @kurooscoffee, @moonlvster and a member of Joker Out Subs, Proofread by IG GBoleyn123.

Whatever it is, in its essence youth is almost always intense, authentic, revolutionary and brings new things even when it is not aware of it, and if there is a great example of this statement, then it is certainly this year's representatives at the Eurovision song contest from the countries of our region. It has not happened for a long time that at the same time Slovenia, Serbia and Croatia are represented by members of the younger generation who also bring a completely new sound. While Teya Dora extremely successfully brings ethno-influences into pop, Raiven gives her operatic background a pop form, and Baby Lasagna brings a rock sound with a specific local twist. However, in addition to being refreshing in the musical sense, they also know the little secret that "a song can bear everything" and that in it, it is possible to say more than in hundreds of words, so with their songs they open not only a new chapter in the music scene of the region, but also some important questions: migrations, feelings of rejection and not belonging, regeneration and triumph in difficult times. This year's Eurovision representatives talked about this sacred thing (and much more) with their colleagues Ana Đurić Konstrakta, Vesna Pisarović and Bojan Cvjetićanin, who participated in some of the previous Eurovisions and shared questions, doubts, experiences, problems, plans and excitement about the upcoming contest.

Sara Briški Cirman, Raiven, talked to last year's Slovenian Eurovision representative Bojan Cvjetićanin from Joker Out about authenticity, which always wins, stage fright and the new Slovenian music scene.

BOJAN : We haven't spoken for a long time, practically since the last interview we did via webcam, I called you from London last time if you remember.

RAIVEN: Yes, I remember. This is going to be very special now because I can't even imagine how the conversation is going to go, because you're going to be asking me questions mostly, and I think it's usually the other way round, so...

BOJAN: Look, I have a lot of questions prepared for you and I'm really looking forward to talking to you. I think it's best if we start with the fact that your life is probably mostly painted with the Eurovision colours at the moment. Please tell me, how has your Eurovision participation shaken up your inner state of mind? What is going on in your head?

RAIVEN: Yes, this Eurovision is absolutely much more mentally exhausting than one would think. Above all, I think it's not only stressful for the artist, but also for the people around the person who is going to Eurovision. There are many emotions, from excitement to fear and horror. Everything is present, but it is the most exciting period in my life so far.

BOJAN: You're an independent music artist, you're not signed to any record label, right? Do you, already at this moment, before Eurovision itself, see the disadvantages or advantages of being an independent artist?

RAIVEN: Yeah, there are definitely advantages in terms of having more creative freedom, but Eurovision is such a big project that I think it would be nice to have a bigger team of people behind you to help you out, but I still have a lot of people I can rely on and work well with. Through the Eurovision process, I've also got a sharper radar of who I'm cool working with and who I'm not.

BOJAN: Do you feel any fear? Do you feel equally competent to the other performers? Some of them probably have a background in the music industry, some of them absolutely come from these so-called powerhouse countries of Eurovision. How do you feel?

RAIVEN: I have a chance in terms of having some kind of starting position, but at the same time I feel a little less pressure because I feel that if you come from a bigger country, you have higher expectations about the result.

BOJAN: Okay. What is your realistic goal? What would you want in a year? I mean, in one year, Eurovision will be ten months behind you. What would be the ideal result for you in one year?

RAIVEN: I would probably be happiest if I managed to have concerts abroad. I also think my music is suitable for a foreign market. Yes, I would definitely be interested in that. I think you have more than obviously shown that it can be done, but there are a lot of factors. To go abroad would be ideal for me of course, at least to the Balkans. That seems somewhat realistic to me.

BOJAN: The Eurovision stage will absolutely be the biggest stage you have ever stood upon. Will Sara be scared?

RAIVEN: Yes, of course I'll be scared. But above all, I feel a very strong responsibility to myself not to disappoint myself, to be relaxed and confident enough in the moment, and ready enough to really enjoy it. I mean, everybody tells me that I have to go there first and foremost to enjoy it, but I honestly don't go there with that mindset. I'm sure I'll be happy if I enjoy it too, but I think I'm going there to work first and foremost. Then, when all the things and all the preparations have gone at least roughly as I had imagined, I can enjoy it.

BOJAN: It's been a while since the song has been out. Tell me, how are your ears reacting to the song today?

RAIVEN: I'm very proud of this song. I don't think I've ever released a song that I could stand behind so much. It's also absolutely clear to me how I could have approached it more tactfully and made a different song that might have been more suitable for that stage on a first sight. But it's a song that I'm still not tired of now that I've sung it a million times and that I've been rehearsing for a really, really long time. I know that at this point in my musical development, this song has been through the most; it's the best I can give of myself and I've put all the knowledge and all the experience I've gained so far into this song, so I'm very proud of it.

BOJAN: Nice. I like to hear it too and it always stays in my head when I hear it, so it's a good ear worm, even if maybe it's not uniform.

RAIVEN: But I have to say that I often think back to when you came to me and when we were still working on the song a little bit, because the song didn't have that most important hook in the first place, "Jaz sem, ti si, Veronika" ("I am, you are, Veronika"), and I often think back to what it would have been like if the song didn't have that part. I feel like it really elevated the song to a whole other level and gave it a part that maybe I wouldn't have dared to give it because I would have thought it was too hooky for me. I don't even know what I was thinking before, when that part wasn't there, so thank you.

BOJAN: My pleasure. I agree that a good part is in the right place. It definitely has a role to play. You know, I believe that the universe tends to take us where it can take us, if we're already working in that direction, to believe in our own success and in good energies. It was bound to happen, and it did. You performed at the Croatian Dora and sang Veronika for the first time in a stripped down version, in a different shape, acoustically, and as far as I could tell from the comments, it was very well received. Are there any more of your opera inserts to look forward to at Eurovision? Or is that a secret?

RAIVEN: I don't know exactly what people perceive as opera. If these high notes that I shout at the end of Veronika are operatic, then yes. I think it's a dangerous path for me, this pop genre of opera, because I think it can quickly take on a corny undertone, so I'm very careful when it comes to including opera into pop. But I'm sure it will be very audible on the Eurovision stage that my technical singing fundamentals are based on classical training.

BOJAN: Interesting, interesting and beautiful. The performance will, I assume, also have a strong dance or choreographic theme. I believe, given that we approached Eurovision pretty much on the principle of "Let's try to make a concert experience," which also meant that the choreography was really minimal and we didn't bother with it too much. But maybe you're even more worried about the choreography part than the actual performance?

RAIVEN: Not really, because I feel like with the choreography, if I can even call it that, because it's not really that, we've approached it as coming from me and coming from some natural movement of mine. I felt liberated to accept that I'm not a dancer and I don't need to look pretty or sexy or like some conventional beauty on stage and I've embraced this awkward moment that I'm having and I feel very comfortable in all these movements that we've put in, so now I don't (worry) anymore. But I have one question for you. What advice do you have for me as a female musician who is not so much conventionally or commercially oriented, but is still going to be standing on the Eurovision stage, who maybe even has a certain requirement from a female singer to be a Beyonce type singer?

BOJAN: My honest opinion is that Eurovision is the festival where unconventional acts have absolutely thrived the most so far, i.e. those who have managed to break through the boundaries of what we think of as ordinary. It seems to me that if in those three minutes it is clear to everyone that what you are presenting on stage is sincere, that is to say, that this mystery or complexity is part of you and that this is evident both in your performance and in your aura, then that is the only recipe for success, as far as I am concerned. That is to say, if it looks real, it is real. I think you know very well what you represent and what you are doing, so you just have to carry it through to the end and carry it through flawlessly.

RAIVEN: Hm, if you were going to Eurovision now, would you do anything differently? Or would you as a band have done something different?

BOJAN: I would definitely dress differently. I wouldn't change anything else, honestly. We were a bit too colourful maybe. But it was all part of the moment, we were having a blast, we were wearing the Garden of Eden colours, and it all happened as it should have happened. I wouldn't change anything else. We had a great team, we had great energy. Luckily I wasn't nervous on stage when I had to be myself, that's it. Obviously, a huge part of Eurovision is what happens behind the stage. The Eurovision community is very involved and they really love what goes on. Tell me, have you made any friends, at least through social networks or otherwise, with any of your fellow soldiers this year?

RAIVEN: Yes, I have. I met Baby Lasagna at Dora and we had a little chit-chat and I told him I was a big fan of his song and he said he was a big fan of mine. And then in another interview he said really nice things about me, so I've already gotten to know him and I'm also mutually following quite a lot of the artists on Instagram. There are a couple of them who are really inspiring me now that I've got to know their music.

BOJAN: Yeah, Baby Lasagna, is he still first at the bookies?

RAIVEN: I think so, I think that's pretty impressive, and especially that story of his is pretty cool.

BOJAN: Would you rather win the Eurovision and then not have much happen to you, as it goes for most Eurovision winners, or would you rather live up to the success of Rosa Linn, who was, I think, 20th, and then took the whole world by storm with her song?

RAIVEN: I would have loved to have had the success that you have had. I think you guys are a total inspiration to me.

BOJAN: Thank you very much. I also sincerely wish that it opens up for you in that direction, because our life has totally turned upside down in a very positive way. That dream that probably every kid has, once they start a band, to be able to play, let alone to be able to play in Europe; we've now managed to live and experience those things in one year. Without Eurovision, I'm sure it wouldn't have happened as quickly or as powerfully, so that's very nice and I believe you will do it too.

RAIVEN: But I think that you have given a lot of drive and pride to people on the Slovenian scene in general. What do you think about the young music scene in Slovenia?

BOJAN: We emerged on the music scene here, let's say, in 2014. That's when we started with our first band. I think we had already signed up for a gig in 2014 or 2015, with Apokalipsa. This was at a time when Kino Šiška was already running Špil Liga¹ and had newly produced a band called Koala Voice, which at that time gave a strong sense of something fresh on the Slovenian music scene. Koala Voice and Persons from porlock were probably the first two bands that managed to get a younger audience on their side and then the gigs started, the festivals booked the young artist, considering that the scene in Slovenia has been pretty much of the same colours and stagnant for the last 15 years. Then in 2016/2017 we formed, MRFY formed and I would say that then they and we, together with Koala Voice, became the carriers of the new wave of music in Slovenia. Then bands like Lumberjack and KOKOSY quickly joined, and now we have MASAYAH, so suddenly a lot of young artists started to appear, including Jet Black Diamonds, who managed to attract people to their concerts by themselves, which was not the case in Slovenia, let's say 10 or 15 years ago. I would say that the music scene in Slovenia is going through a total renaissance, so it's absolutely more than clear that the music scene has changed a lot in a positive way.

¹Competition for student bands organized by Kino Šiška, which Joker Out won in 2017

RAIVEN : How would you say pop artists are perceived in Slovenia and what is Slovenian pop like? Because most of these new artists that you mentioned are mainly from the band category.BOJAN: Slovenia is very different from the Balkans here because Balkan pop is more kafana/club pop, which is not the case with our pop. We have, or always have had, a lot of artists who have a media presence and appear every year, for example at the traditional Portorož² festival, or at these events that we have, but they never have their own concerts. In the Balkans, I don't think this is the case, because the performers are really very regularly playing at locations, whatever those may be.

² Kafana pop is a genre of music typical to the Balkans, and mostly consists of commercial folk/turbofolk songs. Kafana is a distinct type of local bistro, common in some former Yugoslav countries, which primarily serves alcoholic beverages and coffee, and often also light snacks.

³ The Portorož festival that Bojan mention is annual pop/ballad competition called "Melodije morja in sonca" (Melodies of the sea and the sun).

RAIVEN: What do you think is the reason for that?

BOJAN: For me, the reason is that there is no audience for the pop music that exists here. It seems to me that it's not music that you can transfer into some kind of a location and that somebody will actually go and listen to it; it's music for radio, for TV shows and so on. Folk music is performed, folk bands are by far the most present on the live music scene here, but pop artists are not, because it is very difficult to get that kind of music on the stage. I think most pop artists in this country don't even have a band or a concept, so they're practically just media personalities as far as I'm concerned. There is absolutely a very interesting difference between Slovenia and the rest of the Balkans. Club culture doesn't exist here, pop artists are more or less doomed to radio.

RAIVEN: How do you see the difference between how male or female performers are perceived in Slovenia, do you think there is any difference between how they are perceived? What are the demands on male and female lead vocalists?

BOJAN: Jeez, I don't know, In Slovenia we have a very specific problem when it comes to female lead vocalists, because it is very rare that a female lead vocalist dares to smash the stage. One true female lead vocalist was Nina from Tabu, after her Tina from Tabu, and now there is MASAYAH. In the Balkans they really don't lack in that regard, in the Balkans female performers are very sharp, with lots of character, very strong; you have the feeling that they don't care about the system; you can't come along and act clever, because you'll get a slap. But here it's all taken with laughter and joy, everything is nice and right, which is the difference between Slovenia and the Balkans. It seem that the audience here eats it up if a woman knows how to totally smash it when she comes on stage. Manca from Koala Voice is a pure example of that; she came on stage and she owned the stage so that we were all impressed, it's the same with Helena Blagne, she's a diva and the stage is hers, I think female leading vocalists with character are very well received. You absolutely have that, but you're in a different genre, you're not in a position to come and start jumping on stage, but you still take your stance. Of course, there are still singers, male and female, and bands that are great, but I can't mention all of them right now. I would also like to mention Nina Pušlar, who is absolutely by far the most active pop singer in Slovenia. She knows what she is doing. It would be bad to leave her out, To get back to your song, I have one more question, how did you come up with the title Veronika?

RAIVEN: The song was originally written about Jeanne d'Arc, but after I started thinking about entering EMA and Eurovision with this song, it seemed to me that I should choose a female character who is important for Slovenia and for the Slovenian space as an inspiration for the song. Veronika Deseniška (Veronika of Desenice) was the first woman accused of witchcraft in Slovenia, and I feel that I am very understanding towards people who are rejected or not understood by society, so there is a personal connection that I have with Veronika.

-~-~-~

Do not repost this article and if you quote, please link back!

credits:

PHOTO: MARKO SUVIĆ

Creative director: FILIP KOLUDROVIĆ

Fashion: ANA NIKAČEVIĆ

Makeup: NINA BURAZOR

Hair: ŽIGA ABRAM @ MARE DRESURA

Assistant stylist: KRISTINA VRDOLJAK

Note from JokerOutSubs: Photos for this post were provided by TWT dejanacm, text was provided by an anonymous fan. Thank you!

[a-risk-to-take]

….you posted your tattoo (sick) and linked to house of dirk and i read it all and its unfinished. if you hadn’t posted i may have lived my life without getting fanfic blue balled for the first time since 2015. if you have any sympathy for my loss you would give me fanfic recs >:[ /lh

I feel your pain believe me 😭😭 I’m sorry I didn’t warn you at least. I’m low-key hoping the tattoo image gets to imarriedacherub and inspires them to continue the story - obviously not likely but it’s nice to dream!

I got recs for you though! I’ve got hundreds of bookmarks on my ao3 but here’s the HS stuff I love the most:

The epics:

Dayvhe’s Broken Diamond Club and everything by @unda-dsk: DBDC is my personal fave of theirs, and the best treatment of troll culture in any fic ever. If you know HS fic you are probably aware of MC Escher That’s My Favorite MC, and that one is absolutely excellent and completely deserves its status as one of the very best. And then there’s Alternate Universe, which is a perfect and beautiful magic school story. All of these are absolutely top-tier - I cannot stress this enough. They are epic and very long but some of the best stuff I’ve ever read—fanfic or otherwise—and they changed me when I read them. Despite the length, DBDC is very episodic so you can read each chapter as its own story and easily take breaks in between them without losing the flow, so you might want to start there. I promise it’s worth it!!

so we don’t kill the ones we love by @callmearcturus: I’ve never read anyone who can create an atmosphere like Arc can - this one is kind of a John Wick AU but in a really refreshing and elevated way. The characterization is so on point. Lots more I could rave about but I’ll just add that Arc’s Karkats are the hottest and most based out there. Again all his stuff is really good - this one is my favorite, but don’t miss this really cool magic artisan AU also.

The meteorstucks:

Aahhh there’s no way this is gonna be complete because I’ve read like hundreds and I get them confused but these are some that stand out. In case you haven’t notice already this list is gonna be very davekat centric!

Keep It Down by sburbanite - chef’s kiss concept and execution just read it

A Xenological Exploration of Music and Language by superbloom - super fun and well written with neat headcanon - and turned me on to some great music

I’m actually gonna just declare this section unfinished for now - I need to revisit these and remind myself what’s what - stay tuned!

Illustrated

Since you liked HoD you might be looking for more comic-y stuff with art. Definitely check out @chthonicarcher’s amazing davekats! Such as That’s All We Are

Dream a Little Dream of Me by koroke - this is just a little dream bubble comic but it’s simply the loveliest and I’m massively envious of the art style

Gonna Need Some Windex by the End of the Year by magniloquentChanteuse - more artistic storytelling just neat!

More

It’s About Time by @laurasauras - this is a sweet cute lovely little time travel davekat that I actually sent to a friend to read who knew nothing about HS and successfully led them into the fandom. (Followed by AU by Unda). Laurasauras is prolific and there are so many great fics written by them I can’t list them all here but they are one of my absolute favorite authors. Their understanding of the strider psyche is absolutely impeccable

The Worst Goddamn Movies Ever Fucking Made by writerbot - this fic brought me so much hilarity and joy I can’t even tell you. The Karkat voice is perfect and delightful and the social media interludes are so fucking funny and impressive. One of the first fics to show me how creative and funny this fandom can be.

I’m surely going to add to this - there are so many more meteorstucks and other authors I know I’ll think of after I post this - but I don’t want to spend too much longer on this now when you could be reading some of this great stuff! ENJOY!!

[vengefulmariner]

march monthly favorites ✩°𓏲⋆🍀. ⋆⸜ 🍵✮˚

happy april everypony its ya boy with their first monthly favorites post ever. the format of these posts is 100% subject to change all i know is that i wanted to start doing these. i think it will be good for my brain. we all need some joy in our lives and its good to reflect on things we enjoy and whatnot. anyway onto the. post

MUSIC FAVES

in march ive been primarily listening to this playlist of mine:

in the winter i was listening to alot of post hardcore + dance gavin dance type shit so this is a nice change of pace, it's basically just a big mishmash of happy lighthearted songs i like

an album i discovered last month i'd like to mention is paper rival's 'dialog', it's so up my alley its crazy. at the start of this month i was also listening to copeland's 'you are my sunshine' obsessively.

some specific songs i wanna mention are stuck in a car with angels by julie, lullaby by the cure, plainclothes man by heatmiser, breathe in by frou frou, shes quiet by the home team, been it by the cardigans + what do i know by copeland.

FASHION FAVES

garment- this plaid miniskirt. this is so fucking CUTE i literally saved this exact skirt on pinterest back in the fall and then a week later found it on depop and just had to get it. it wasn't really warm enough or seasonally appropriate enough to wear it then though, but now it definitely is and im going to be wearing it constantly this spring. i styled it on my page :)

accessory- my trusty dusty white belt. recently it has become part of my most basic simple outfit formula- random top, low rise pants, miscellaneous jewelry, white belt. bam. hardcore kids in 2001 had it right

FRAGRANCE FAVES

victorias secret dream angels-heavenly. this is such a good everyday fragrance, simultaneously light and refreshing as well as warm and cozy. have a mini bottle of it that my mom let me borrow (and i kiiinda never gave it back oops)

i fear some would describe this as grandma perfume-esque like most ppl do with powdery florals but tbh i am a big fan of that scent profiled even though its not everyone’s cup of tea. light florals are my go-to for everyday purposes and this has become a staple. it's great if i use a sandalwood scented lotion as a base.

MEDIA FAVES

tv show: buffy the mother fucking vampire slayer. i have finished the show once before and would occasionally go back and rewatch my favorite episodes, but this past month i have started my first actual rewatch from the beginning with my bf and i've fallen in love with it all over again. it's not just a corny-vampire-drama-monster-fighting-show (not that theres anything wrong with that, i embrace the cringeworthy aspects of the show) it also gets sooo raw and sickeningly emotional at certain points, it's just so so dear to me

game: animal crossing new horizons. this series was my whole entire childhood, mostly city folk and new leaf. i was kind of a hater of NH when it came out and i'll admit half of that hatred was due to nostalgia blindness. but i've picked it back up this month since the 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY (sheesh) of its release was coming up and now i'm hooked. this is my absolute favorite type of video game where it basically gives the player full freedom to go in whatever direction they want and get creative with it. i also have been getting into using custom designs and omg i love that people make the cutest things for their fellow players. this game is just so cozy and healing and i highly recommend.

and that about does it ! this was fun thank u for reading bye bye ヽ(´ー`)ノ

[theforlorne]

🐑 ♡ Here's one letter fresh from Sup-port, addressed to one rabid Vox fan ♡ 🐑

Dear @startissuu,

You've kept many people well fed with your delicious artwork, and you've served up plenty of smiles to those you interact with! Time for you to know how beloved you are!

From Vox in an apron, to the most beautiful replication of emotion in a facial expression ever, your art knows no bounds! Who knows what you'll make next? Whatever it is though, it's guaranteed to be a hit!

That's why you're getting a letter so that all the lovelies that see this can see just how wonderful you are too! Thank you for sharing your art with us, and thank you for being such a sweetheart in the fandom!

Wishing all the best, and sending all of our love,

The Sup-port Team xo

Let's see what other letters arrived for you!

From @tarokitsu ♡

"i think chef is one of the most genuine, kind and talented people i know, shes so funny and im so grateful to be able to call her my friend!! her creativity is inspiring and i love how her art is always so full of life i could print it out and eat it. i have so many good memories associated with her already, i dont have enough words to explain how much i appreciate her but I LUV CHEF !!"

From @lumikello24 ♡

"Chef is one of the nicest, most supportive people I know! Hanging out with her is always fun and she's the first person I'd trust to watch over my drink at a party! I am regularly steam rolled into the floor by their art skills. Their ability to make things look 3d and expressive is absolutely mind-blowing! Her art could be straight out of a disney movie and her newest artwork has some of the most stunning lighting to have ever graced my eyeballs!"

From @fraugwinska ♡

"Chef quickly grew from being a goofy, lil ball of talent to be one of my most trusted, closest friends I've made since entering the Hazbin fandom. It's rare that you get the whole package - A nice, funny, sassy, chaotic, wonderful person that also draws like possessed by the gods of creativity, an amazing artists that even dabbles in writing and kills it there, too. She is the whole 360° threat. I will forever be proud to say that she was the first one to draw Alastor with Gem, my MC from my biggest fic and that she brought those two, who were and still are so dear and close to my heart fills me with so much gratitude and happiness. I swore to her one day that I'd be paying her accordingly for all the wonderful things she gave me. Now, knowing her, being her friend, commissioner and confidant... I know that no lottery win would ever be enough to truly show her my appreciation."

Chef's Advice To You

"I would say the best advice I have for artists is a couple things I gradually came to learn over the course of last year and that would be no matter how much experience you have never be afraid to sit down and re-learn the fundamentals if you feel stuck, it can be easy to brush it off as something you already know but sometimes your creativity can feel like it’s become stagnant and a quick refresher on perspective, composition, or colour theory etc can be all it takes to give you another creative BOOM

And also, (at least to me) your art is an expression of the soul, base its success on how it’s enriched you and made YOU feel, never on how many hits it may get/not get on social media. when you create something that’s an extension of yourself, the right people will appreciate it for that, which feels so much better than just churning things out that you think other people will enjoy"

Want To Write A Personal Letter?

Chef's official Sup-port tag is #fromsup-port2startissuu

[baphiedayz]

Botanica Restaurant & Gin Bar

Located in Portsmouth, NH. Botanica is a restaurant/gin bar that serves up, not only delicious gin cocktails but also a lovely dining experience with their French influenced cuisine. They pride themselves of using fresh and local ingredients, with a menu that changes seasonally.

One of my favorite places to dine at in New England has to be Botanica!! It is a splurge for me when I go here. It is on the mid to higher price rage, rightfully so. This is a perfect place to go on a date or celebrate any occasion. I have taken my partner here for the past 4 years to celebrate his birthday; each time we have been blown away with the attention to detail in the dishes, amazing vibe of the crew, and well-crafted cocktails!

Let's talk about what Botanica has to bring to the table. So, pull up a chair & Stay Awhile.

Botanica has a charm to it. The staff is kind, informative on ingredients used in the dishes & cocktails, and very welcoming. It is an intimate space, so you are likely to see all of the staff when you are here.

There are a few tabletops, a bar, and outside tables for the warmer seasons. I absolutely love a good meal out in the fresh air; but I will say, I prefer the inside seating here for the ambiance. It feels more connected with the experience when seated inside.

The vibe is everything.

Botanicas menu for May 2025 is nothing to sleep on. Lots of lite, fresh flavors. Beautiful colors. Absolutely delicious. On our latest visit, we ended up ordering some cocktails, three appetizers, two entrees, one dessert, & one cheese.

Let's grab a COCKTAIL

: The Emperess G&T :

When at a Gin Bar, of course starting with two gin cocktails (not pictured) is the way to go. The last word: made w/ gin, green-chartreuse, maraschino liqueur & fresh lime juice, garnished w/ a dark cherry that has been soaked in syrup. The Last word is a refreshing Gin cocktail; first introduced to me here at Botanica! Its lite, yet flavorful. The lime really pops, giving it a nice tang finish.

A Gimlet: A savory Gin cocktail made w/ Gin and Lime cordial. Garnished with what looked like a sprig of parsley.

we shared a glass of red wine: Cotes Du Rhone wine. This wine is an easy stand-alone drink, or to have w/ food. We drank this with our appetizers. The wine went well with Lamb; complimenting the dish.

And ended it with the Emperess Gin & Tonic. This cocktail is known to turn some heads! It arrives on a golden platter w/ the Emperess Gin over ice, a bottle of tonic water, and the fixings. It's kind of a DIY cocktail if you will. You put it all together and there a fun science moment of squeezing lemon juice into the glass & the color going from a purple to a pink! This is a classic G&T with a beautiful twist.

Let's talk APPITIZERS

: Lil's Baguettes w/ Whipped Butter and Maldon Sea Salt : (Lil's Cafe is a local owned cafe in Kittery ME, just over the bridge from Portsmouth NH.)

There is nothing like warm, fresh bread! The baguette had a nice crust to it, yet a soft fluffy cloud on the inside. The butter was salted. w/ Maldon Sea salt and was very cream. Lastly, some radish to top your bread if you wish. I love the radish touch to bread & butter. It adds a pop of freshness and color into the bite.

 : Brandade with Roasted Asparagus and Pickled Shallots :   (Brandae is a salt cod spread; typically made w/ olive oil, garlic, and sometimes potato.)

This salty fish spread dish left us craving for more! The Brandade was smooth & salty. The Asparagus gave it a nice fresh green taste. And the Pickled Shallots tied it all together w/ a vinegared bite.

We took some creative liberty & spread some of this dish onto the Baguette. I would eat this dish as is, on a sandwich, in so many other forms! The flavors are layered yet compliment on another creating a perfect bite!

: Grilled Lamb Sirloin with Herb Socca, Fennel, and Horseradish :  (Socca is a flatbread made of chickpea flour, water, olive oil, & salt. W/ roots in southern France as traditional street food)

This dish stumped me a bit. The flavors were delicious, but what my eyes were seeing was different from what I was tasting. The Fennel didn't have that fresh strong liquorish taste it usually brings to dishes. It was maybe marinated or pickled. Then there was the Socca. I was not aware what this was, so we spent a bit discussing what it was, where it could have come from, then eventually ended up looking up what Socca is. (See description) The Socca was thin w/ a nice crust on one side, lots of air pockets, and packed with a "wheaty" savory flavor. It was laid at the bottom of the dish, so it soaked up all the flavors of the dish. The Lamb was juicy, tender, and just everything I want out of a lamb dish. I will say, the meat of this dish was of lackluster compared to the other ingredients here, but stand alone, I would eat a whole plate of that lamb.

Time for the MAIN COURSES!

{TOP} : Steak Frites - Grilled Hanger Steak with Frites, Brandy Jus, &Salad Greens :

{BOTTOM} : Pan Roasted Chicken Breast w/ Fingerlings, Cipollini-Onions, Fennel, & Pea Purée :

The Grilled Hanger Steak was buttery soft. It had a nice char crust on it, giving it a beautiful smoked flavor. The Brandy Jus was amazing! It was flavorful and creamy. It was similar to that of a hollandaise sauce. The Frites were nicely salted. Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. perfectly fried. I do wish they had used something other than a "fry" for the side of this dish, but hey they were really tasty! Lastly, we have the Salad Greens tossed in a lite vinaigrette. A nice fresh salad green is always nice to have to get your veggies in.

The Pan Roasted Chicken Breast was served in a cute little le Creuset dish. This was very aesthetically pleasing, but it made it a bit difficult to eat out of it. I was given a small plate to put the chicken on if I wanted, & I did end up using the plate. The chicken was small, very juicy, light in color, and was tender. The flavor profile was very simple; buttery, some salt. Under the chicken was: some potato fingerlings cut small/medium, cippolini onions were tender, & sweet. & some fennel, this helped elevate that fresh spring flavor to the dish. At the bottom of the dish was a layer of Pea Purée. The color was a beautiful bight pastel green, packed with flavor! The whole dish complemented one another. With each ingredient layering into the next, creating one beautiful bite!

Room for DESSERT?

{TOP} DESSERT: Cinnamon Crème Caramel with Strawberry and Rhubarb :

{BOTTOM} CHEESE: Grey Barn Eidolon Brie with Seasonal Preserve : (Grey Barn Eidolon Brie is from a local Farm in Chilmark MA)

For our last course we ordered a Cinnamon Crème Caramel & Brie cheese.

The Crème was a lite, eggy dessert that was not overbearingly sweet & incorporated fresh fruit. The Rhubarb was sweet & tangy, soaked in the cinnamon caramel. Finally, the strawberries gave it that extra pop it needed. The color is fairly monochromatic. Individually, each component was fresh, not too sweet, and well crafted. Together, they all played into one another creating a harmonious delicious dessert.

The Eidolon Brie was soft & creamy, with an aftertaste of some funk (a good funk). The Strawberry/Rhubarb preserves brought a sweet yet sour flavor to really elevate and compliment to the cheese. It was quite lovely way to end a meal.

CHECK PLASE.

When all was eaten & our cups ran dry, our bill for all of this was just under $200 USD. For all the delectable food & cocktails we order for two people, the price seems fair. Overall, our dinner was a 9.9/10. There isn't much I would change with our meal. The ambiance was simple, yet stunning. The Staff, as always, was on their A-game. I would come here every day, if I could. We left with our belies full of delicious food & drink; daydreaming of when we will return to Botanica.

I highly recommend visiting Botanica if you're ever on the west coast. Portsmouth is a lovely small city in New Hampshire. There are plenty of bars, shops, cafes, and other forms of entertainment, some with-in walking distance of Botanica. Portsmouth is rich in history with its town being established in 1630!

Thanks for staying awhile!

Hope to see you in the next one.

-Bee

[crossatlanticsoftware-blog]

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[dioslesbianwife]

HI! omg I hope its ok I ask for a matchup ^_^ I don't mind which part buut I like guys n I'm 20 :P

At first I might be a little awkward but for the most part I think I'm pretty friendly and approachable. I love chit chatting and joking around, humor is really important to me and I really like banter, making bits. I think I'm a dickhead tho, I talk a lot of shit about people I can't lie it's kind of bad. If I'm dating you, you need to be cool with shit talking.

Despite being an asshole I am pretty affectionate.... I love to say I love you and call you mushy pet names. I'm not physically affectionate as much as I am vocally, that doesn't mean I'm against it but I'll rarely if ever initiate it. That said, I’m still plenty touchy—just in the form of playful shoves and light punches.

I'm compliant more often than not, I'll do what's asked of me most of the time, I like helping! I lowk get some stupid satisfaction from it like helping a customer n I'm like eeyeah ok i did that.. UUhhhmm I handle stress well enough, usually just getting irritated. I bottle things up, I like being kind of "emotionless" and not get weepy which probably isn't good in retrospect.

My biggest hobby is drawingg ^_^. Baking/cooking is nice too (I work in a bakery...!) I'm also really into listening to music, mainly rock/alt rock. I like sleeping too I know it’s not an actual hobby I guess… to me it’s a damn sport I sleep with a sleeping mask… a little embarrassing but hay... I like things likeee piercings ^__^ I have a few rn; septum, eyebrow, navel, and a tongue one soon truuust.

I hope thats gooood! Hopefully I didn't talk ur ear off toooo much! THANK U, LOVE U. BYEEE <3

hahaha sleeping is the only sport i'm good at lmao, i sooo want an eyebrow piercing, theyre so cool. thank you for requesting, here are the jojo chars i think would work well with you!

Diego Brando

He thrives off witty banter, and your sharp humor would make him smirk in genuine delight. He'd love sparring verbally with you just to see who can one up the other.

While he's a bit arrogant, he secretly adores your affectionate words, even if he pretends he's too cool for mushy pet names.

Diego would get competitive about your baking, insisting you teach him just so he can try to bake something better than you. He might actually succeed after way too much trial and error.

Kars

He would be fascinated by your boldness and humor. He admires people who embrace their individuality and creativity, so your love of drawing and your piercings would catch his attention immediately.

He finds your playful shoves endearing, even though he's more used to physical affection in more traditional ways. That said, he'd eventually adapt, nudging you back in a rare display of looseness.

Kars watches intently when you bake, offering "advice" despite knowing nothing about human cooking. He ends up genuinely impressed when the results are good.

Extra non Jofoe Options

Jotaro Kujo

I really think ya'll would be a good duo. Jotaro’s naturally quiet, but when you start talking shit, he gives subtle, cutting one liners that make you laugh.

If someone overhears you two and gets mad? "What a pain." He’s already ignoring them.

Weather Report

I also feel like you and WR could be close. Weather isn’t as chatty, but he appreciates your humor and finds your commentary refreshing. When you're affectionate with mushy pet names, he maybe smiles faintly, clearly enjoying it even if he doesn't respond the same way.

Your playful attitude balances out his calm vibe, making him more relaxed around you, even teasing you sometimes in return.

[dungbeatposse]

THE RAMPAGE AND COLOURS PT. 2✨🎨

turns out i am diligent enough to complete the series! thanks again for reading my rambles!! it's been really fun writing like this, using my thinker to delve deep into stuff. again, i'll try to keep it simple and short.

i'd love to here other's thoughts on what colour they think the rmpg member's are, and maybe i'll do another for other groups too :DDD

if you hadn't read part 1 yet, go here. there i covered likiya, zin, riku, kenta, rui, yamasho, kazuma and hokuto. now, i'm gonna finish it off with the last 8 members. note, these were harder to think about than the first post (and when i say hard, i mean fucking HARD). so buckle up yall.

shogo - celeste (#95bfbc)

initially, i wanted to give shogo a warm colour. maybe a yellow or orange, but it didn't feel like it suited shogo for me. i knew i wanted to choose a colour with very vintage vibes. then, celeste caught my eye. it's a bright blue that looks well on its own, but when paired with warmer colours, it shines brighter. shogo might not be one of my favourite members, but he is his own work of art. calmer, but still with a bright presence.

shohei - pale chartreuse (#cde37f)

it was either yellow or green for him. bouncing between two, i had a difficult choice to make. then, i went "why not the middle?" chartreuse is very striking and is mostly a colour that looks amazing on its own. however, it's also strong with other colours, being able to stand out amongst them. shohei is not just his goofiness, or his more hard-working side. for me, chartreuse is a colour that combines both of his strong aspects into a vibrant person that is shohei.

itsuki - ginger (#f0a748)

ok, i'm gonna be honest. i chose ginger because of mars. i couldn't help it! i also thought about giving him a white colour, but it didn’t really fit as well as orange did. i think that he also has very orange cat energy. he very much does his own thing and has a tiny bit of a chaotic side too, though his initial vibe is cool, calm and collected. like itsuki is a cat trapped in a human body.

kaisei - sea green (#43a36d)

when i think about kaisei, i think of strong. not just physically (gaddamn that man is CUT), but also how mentally strong he is. pairing that with how his soft and friendly his character is, i just knew i wanted to give him a nice natural colour. something that matches his growth and resilience while also maintaining a nice calmer shade to match his softer side. i think something like sea green that was rich and vibrant was perfect for kaisei.

makoto - royal blue (#3238b3)

i know, ruby red is probably a better choice, but here me out. makoto always gave me a very regal vibe, with his strong features and the way he carries himself. considering his h&l character having a blue theme, the cooler aura he tends to have and the regality he was giving me, i think royal blue suits him well. the deeper, richer blue tone that sticks out elegantly matches what i think of makoto.

ryu - wine red (#521e1c)

ryu was always going to be wine red for me. it’s a colour that’s not too obvious, but also not something that’s going to disappear into the background. along with the fact that ryu looks fucking great with darker reds, i specifically chose wine red because it’s a colour that isn’t bold but still manages to have a strong impact. it matches his less outspokenness, but his beautiful aura of both maturity and softness.

takuma - peach orange (#f0654d)

i think i default creativity as a shade closer to pink/peach. i initially wanted to go for salmon red, but i settled on something closer to orange because 1) his hair and 2) it’s closer to a spring colour that suits him. i admire his creativity and his interests in art and fashion. for me, takuma has a refreshing aura that’s both sweet and soft without being too subtle. which kind of made me think of peach flavoured konjac jelly.

takahide - light green (#83bd68)

oof. takahide… he was like the final boss. i cycled through several options before settling on this one. there was yellow, orange, light pink, red, even pastel purple. i started to look through his older looks, tsuji looks etc. i thought about giving the whole ass rainbow but that would be a cop out.

then, i thought about his relationship with ryu. where ryu is shyer and reserved, takahide is the opposite. making them mirror each other would be perfect! giving him a light green was a choice i never saw myself making. but somehow, it worked. maybe it’s because of how naturally charismatic takahide is (i always tend to associate charisma with green), maybe it’s because he does quite a few green hair looks, or maybe it’s because his emoji is a goddamn frog.

but it works!

[oddygaul]

brand anti-synergy, 1 Year Anniversary

Wow, I’ve been doing this for a whole year now. Why not take a moment to be retrospective about it?

Keeping this journal has certainly accomplished its primary goal, which was to better remember the media I’ve engaged with and how I felt about it. If I didn’t have this blog and asked myself what I was watching / reading exactly a year ago, my answer would probably be “No idea!”; now, I can just scroll back through the archive and remember exactly what was going on and how it made me feel. Given the ever-increasing speed with which life seems to pass me by as I age, it’s nice to have little strategies like this that anchor moments in time, that help me remember how much time has really passed and all the things I’ve done.

Of course, it doesn’t work out in a conversational sense – I can’t exactly call a timeout and re-read my journal to refresh my memory mid-conversation – but even so, the increased time I now spend reflecting on the art I engage with solidifies my thoughts on a work better in my long-term memory, I think.

Although, suppose I should be doing this for more personal matters, too, and not just art? Hm.

I’ve definitely been more and less successful in keeping up with writing, depending on the month, although I think it’s safe to say my frequency has been trending upward for a while now. Plus, those peaks and valleys, in their own way, help chart the course of my life at those times. Like, yeah, I didn’t write a lot in the months after my dad died; no shit. I absorbed myself in tracking an album instead.

I’ve written some things I’m proud of, surprisingly. When I set out, the idea was that this was purely a journal, with no particular consideration toward readability. From the start, I knew I didn’t want these to be typical reviews, because reviews spend time introducing the subject to the viewer to give context, and I don’t have much interest in spending that time. These are for me, and for any little freaks that are so waist-deep in whatever the topic is that they’re diving through tags deep enough to find it. So, by design, the blog is inherently unapproachable.

Despite that, I still have a few posts that I think are solid, standalone pieces of writing, and a few more that I consider genuinely good analyses of particular works, even if they are likely impenetrable to someone unfamiliar with the work… and I think that’s enough for me. Some of them are certainly banal and worthless, but you know what? That’s fine. Sometimes I finish something and I don’t have anything profound to say, don’t have any interesting takes, don’t have any deep thoughts or self-reflection knocked loose from my brain while I was watching or reading… but I still want to remember if I liked it or not. And I think the willingness to record those insipid reactions anyway is healthy. Who knows – maybe it’s a baby step towards fixing my unhealthy relationship with perfectionism and creativity in general.

The longer it’s been, the more time I spend (read: too much time) taking screenshots and choosing images to put in the posts. On one hand, I genuinely do think this helps with memory – a picture’s worth a thousand words, after all, and seeing a scene or moment that meant something to me instantly recalls the work to mind in a way reading a summary does not. But also? I like pretty pictures, and I’d rather the blog be filled with them than not.

My biggest concern, a year in, is that I’m subconsciously compelled to actually read less, watch less, play less, because I have this shadow hanging over me in the form of unfinished blog posts piling up in a backlog. A similar kind of stress affects a lot of my creative output, generally, so I’m trying to be wary of letting that mindset affect things that are supposed to be for, y’know, unwinding, de-stressing, or experiencing joy. I don’t… think it is, though, too much? I’ve never really been one to binge things anyway, and even when I do, I absolutely do not retain any of it even a month later, so if anything I’m okay with correcting that behavior in lieu of more intentional consumption.

Time will tell.

Anyway, not that many people follow this intentionally, but thanks to anyone that reads my ramblings. The first time I got a classic tumblr reblog, with responses as full run-on sentences in the tags, I felt like I’d really made it in this world.