#itz on !! dis is war :< <3

[keijoikawa]

“huh, what are you up to today, darling?”

you giggle at that question, rising your ankles high enough for him to see the bottom of your socks, a pretty pink dots forming bunny toe beans on your feet.

this genuinely surprises aventurine, whose neon eyes for a second glimmer without knowing how to answer — but just a moment later, he’s back with his casual smirk and nonchalant expression.

as you guessed, it isn’t long until you notice that bulge growing tight inside his beige pants, falling victim to your sweet, definitely innocent teasing.

“baby, i think these would look better on my shoulders…” he hums seductively, settling himself between your slightly parted legs, holding them up under your knees and rubbing circles with his thumbs on the sheen fabric.

his other hand travels upwards until his fingers slip down your thighs and hook over your panties, tugging at them suggestively — in response, you let out a sigh that has nothing of tiredness or annoyance, lifting your hips in acceptance to allow him to slowly take the delicate piece of clothing off.

while you’re trying to avoid making a scene about getting half naked, aventurine is taking his sweet time unzipping his trousers and sliding them down before proceeding to push you to lay with your back against the sheets; his body doesn’t fully follow though. instead, he keeps holding your ankles up so that you have to no other option but to expose yourself almost entirely to him.

there’s an intense wave of heat coming from somewhere that you can’t exactly point at first — maybe it comes from those big violet eyes staring lovingly between your legs, maybe from your own cheeks now burning hot with excitement as his hands start pushing your thighs wider apart.

you’re too invested in the feeling of having his clothed erection teasingly brushing against you while he busies himself kissing your calf up and down, now totally focusing on that sole area of sensitive skin below your knees... you actually whine when aventurine lifts himself to drop your leg onto the mattress and finally give you some attention where you need it most, immediately arching your back off the bed to press into his mouth even more.

— not like i’m even hiding, because the topic makes it obvious, but… hehe :3 🧴

*clears throat* *screams into pillow!!!* dis iz what i get 4 messin wiv mooties !!! Σ(°△° ꪱꪱꪱ) ohhhh i wanted 2 be sooooo selfish n’ keep it 2 myself but i simply cannot do dat :3 u hav mi twirlin mi hair ovr here !!! blushin !!! gigglin !!!

da thought of hims just kissin up ur leg… (｡>\\<) gettin higher n higher bein a tease :< like u nonnie. even tho i know who u is… i will get revenge !! i wont be a tease next time teehee ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) ueueueue daddy.. ‘m too impatient !! (｡>﹏<) thankie sm 4 dis… puts it in mi notes n’ everywhere so can reread alwaaaaays.. <33

[emperorundying]

TLT Dash Simulator pt 3

🪦 crossedrhodes Follow

just found out my gf died 7 months ago and ive been being catfished by some necromancer using her beguiling corpse i hope the devils get me

💊 heptanary-secretary Follow

omg imagine the meetcute tho... op talk to the necro

🐮 hucowjimin Follow

OP has powerful necro baddies in his area and is abt to fumble due to the grief

( 577 notes )

🦴 femur-i-hardly-know-er Follow

( 18,012 notes )

🗝️ darkjackgaius Follow

my horny ass could never be a flesh magician

🗝️ darkjackgaius Follow

easy website.

( 41,902 notes )

💣 fuckable-fascists-bracket Follow

📜 sarpedonefang1rl Follow

and whos fucking surprised. of course the recency bias strikes again

⚜️ awes-ashtray

Some1 is angry their old man bias is unfuckable 💀💀💀 Argue with the wall.

#a vote for awe is a vote against coquetteposters #the fact that therez an entire fandom for the weirdo oldhead fascies is soooo craz to me ngl. #we r voting on most fuckable here. that is da blogs point. #your blorbo is geriatric his dick dont work :(

( 6,192 notes )

🐱 cohortcatgirl Follow

I’ve seen a lot of bad information circulating about what happens when the cohort converts a thalergenic planet to a thanergy planet so I wanted to clear up some misconceptions ^u^

Converting a planet does NOT make it unable to sustain life. If thanergenic planets couldn't sustain life, no1 would be able to live on the nine houses!!!

The wildlife does NOT get mutated. How would that even work? I stj people they don't hurt the wildlife, they only affect the planets! The 'varmints have best friends' campaign is honestly just in bad faith :((

Devils are NOT real and if they were you should really stop posting about their tongues [weird!] U guys really cannot tell what is and isn't fearmongering these days and itz kind of concerning ngl

Keep reading

💀 towerofficial ☑️

worth a read :)

🐱 cohortcatgirl Follow

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#HAIII MR UNDYING :3

(9,114 notes )

⛓️ siphonslut

being held down by my bone magician's constructs is something spiritual fr. skeledoms there is a special place for you in the emperor's eyes 😩😩😩

#nsft #c4n #cav4necro #osseoromantic

( 241 notes )

👤 is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet-deactivated-2917483

nope.

💀 towerofficial ☑️

It's in the name how are you guys not getting this by now

👤 is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet-deactivated-2917483

💀 towerofficial ☑️

mods can we ban this guy

( 12,187 notes )

[trashedump]

keep fighting blooper reel

so for context, while i was working on my fic keep fighting, i had a separate document where i would write things as shittily as possible whenever i got stuck. so some of these quotes are from that document, others are things i wrote in the actual fic document whenever i got bored.

enjoy this series of outtakes, ordered by the chapter they occurred in! also warning for spoilers for my fic in case you care about that

chapter 1:

“i got dis” he [sylvain] sed. dis waz his fite 2 mak up 4 being dum

“r u stupd????” fliz yielded. “i wana fite 2 :((((”

“get every1 ot od her” slyman sed. “itz only 2 il be fin”

“k” flix sed al sad n wroeid nd shit. “u betr nut do sumthin stupd”

SYLVer the hedgehogAIN kisd him on da hed. “i wont. now g0”

chapter 2:

dmiarko waz taking 2 ingird

“r u alrite ignatz:

“she mey b sumwher in abys” billie eyleth [misspelling of byleth] sed.

chapter 4:

flix knu he had 2 finf a way 2 nut fitr 2 (DUNBAAAAAAN (HA HA HA HA HA NUMBERS)) gise @ once so he retreted but nut bcoz he had ben defeted. he snt 3 da ofer sid of da rum nd glen cam @ him bcoz rodric waz stil realing. felix navidaf blikd hiz sord agen nd kickd hkn in da bals lol. den he wnt 2 rodrig

fergalicious definition [abhorrent misspelling of felix] mad him go loco den bc he did rath strik ns da crest fargmnt aktivated.

he [felix] slamd da puml of da sord in glands [glenn's] fac nd glue gun [glenn] fel so den he stabf thru rodricks [rodrigue's] chest. dorime [rodrigue???] fel nd puld da sowrd ot of felony [felix] wich hurt a lot agen but he stortd 2 die on da grond.

"Sasuke— I mean Felix—"

"What the fuck did you just call me"

"Uhhhh nothing lol what are you talking about—"

"shurt the hell up I'm leaving you"

the bad ending

chapter 5:

“its alrite” dimi laffd  in a gofik way. dedu aslo noded behing him. “jst cum bak wen ur rechardgd. da rest of us wil kep tings runing wil ur away (hehe im forshadowing da mening of kep fiting her im so smrt im so intelelgint)”

haoi (THE LONG AWAITED SEQUEL TO YAOI WTF WTFFFFF)

insted of relying on demselvs evry2 had each oders bak. so dat wen dey had a momt of wekness dey cud stil surviv (an im so smart im so smart heheehehehheeheh).

“i hav a hrd tim beliving dats da cas” he refusd 2 bak don. “i cant help but fel im at falt, bcos i sed id talk 3 u mor aftr da war but den left u in da dust evry single day (the DUST? the DUST)”

"Wait, Didi."

"Yes?" He turned around. "What is it?"

"I should tell you...part of what I've been researching all this time." She started to hesitate, fidgeting with a string tied around her wrist. "It could be important, or...something."

Dimitri was listening intently. Hapi realized she actually wasn't sure why she thought this was important. It was almost as if the author was trying to foreshadow a future plot point.

"What was that?" the warlock called out. His voice was growing louder as he approached Felix's hiding place. "Is...is someone there? .....Must've been the wind."

"we're underground you dumb fuck"

"oh fuck you're right wait how do you know that"

"uhhhhhh shit"

*world explodes from fourth wall break*

i hate describing doors theres so many doors why are there so many doors why did i DO THIS

Felix looked. On the ceiling was a metal grate, most likely an air vent.

"Just like in among us"

flix nd sylvSONIC The Hedgehogain wr switchng it up a bit

chapter 6:

so day had escapd da untetical sience lab yey!!! but dey rwr in a cav. :(

fuor dase had pasd. dey wr stil stuk in da fuking cav.

On the fifth day, things changed. Shit hit fthe fuckign fan oh gsod

IT'S TIME FOR THE FUCKIN SCEEEEEEENE

"There is," he [Felix] said.

The revelation hit Sylvain like a medieval truck.

"I was gonna propose to you," he [Sylvain] said.

The words hit Felix like a medieval train.

chapter 7:

“abt da searc?” dey [byleth] sed nd dimi noded. dey cod always tel watz on his mind or maby dey j chos da rite dialog opton

“but aslo speking as a mrecenari” buyleth sed “i kno how tings can torn arond in an instnat. batls u tink r a lost cas switch in ur favor in da blink-182 of an eye. ppl uve logn snic had 2 left 4 ded hold on despit it al. so itx nut ovr until we kno it si. wer so fuking back”

“rite” dimi sed whil sheding a singl ter “wer so fuking bak”

“oh shti dat is prmosing” dimi sed “any sine of da duck nd marmalade” [duke and margrave]

dimiarko [dimitri] torned 2 bananapeel [byleth]

They were almost out of food. Every so often, that realization hit Felix like a medieval airplane.

"Okay," Sylvain conceded damn we out here conceding in this bitch

Felix hadn't said anything in a while—and, to be fair, neither had Sylvain, but it was his distant expression that worried Sylvain. He looked lost in thoughts all alone yoooooou are the oooooceans gray waaaaves destined to seek life beyond the shoooore just out of reeaaach yeeeet the watereeeerrs ever chaaaange flowing like time the path is yours to cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimb

"Clearly," Lysithea grumbled. "I didn't expect the same for you."

"Yes, well, I couldn't rest now," Linhardt said. "There are monsters nearby."

chapter 8:

ok so dery etin gdiner nd itz rtlly harty bef stew lik harty stew in botw i tink dats a recispe in dat gaem

syl stripd don 2 naked nd tok of AL his cloths nd he had a rely long no we’re not going there. he tornd on da watr nd thot abt fliz but nut lik dat u prev. he had a flashbak 2 post rodrick [rodrigue] deth but forst he dint tink abt it yet he gut da sop nd began 2 wash al his skin

But maybe he’ll never be ready, a thought tugged at the back of his mind. Maybe he wants nothing to do with me. After all…I’m the one who did this to him.

The memories hit Sylvain like a medieval blimp.

chapter 9:

dimi codnt hodl bak as he stepd in2 da dorfram nd hugd him as tight as he cud. and den da crest of blaiddyd aktivatd nd he snapd sylvens fuking spine in half. just kiding dat dint hapen lol can u imagin

chapter 10:

“But I promise—for the rest of our days, I’ll do everything in my power to be the man you see in me. To fight by your side, no matter what.”

"Wow that was sappy as fuck lmao"

[just-some-random-blogger]

December Dates

Seventeen Summary: In the spirit of Christmas, boyfriend!svt is here to take you on a date. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, crackkkkkk, v many typos,etc.

R E Q U E S T

my friend: seventeen + cute

A/N: HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HOS (jk) HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Also ashdiepl because im writing on a tab, i couldnt add any gifs so aksjemksksmsksksmskskdk alsO im so sorry i dont remember if the request is platonic or nah but kaksksksk this is what u get soz

-----

Alright

So no gifs

Imma just do a header real quick so u know wassap

S. Coups

Das better

hi header

I might delete u later if i get on a pc

But firsT seuNgcheEolL

*deep breath*

Ho u lucky enough to breath the same air he does

N now u are on aa date with him

WoWw

So bf!seungcheol is a cute lil snowflake

Which means he'll buy u an ugly ass Christmas sweater and matching gloves

THAT MATCHES THE ONES HE BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF OFC

then yall go out and play in the powdery snow outside

ImGine seungcheol grabbing yOuR hand 

cebAuse u a dumb loser that slips on nothing

Also warmth

pulling your scarf up a bit because he can tell you're getting cold

Then like a gentleman

will pUSH U INTO THE SNOW

AND START A FRICKIN SNOW WAR

HE'll hit ur dumb face he dont care

He'll maKe u wish u Stayed damn home

Rapid fire frikin snow granades man

Course iz all a bita fun

Then he'll let u win

Cause he does care Bout ur dumb Fce

Also he soft for u gross

Then once that's done he'll start laughing

Not because of post-snow ball fight adrenaline

But because he thinks himself so funny

When he busts a lung screaming "dO Ya wana biLd aSNOEMAN!!!!!"

AND THEN U decline and leave him in the snow

"YAAAAA WE HAVE TO BUILD A SNOWMAN THOUGH!" he'll laugh

U literally wana leave him and his annoying ass

U stomp away

He laughs and goes after u

His hot breath is visible 

and hits your ear when he comes up and wraps his arms around you from behind

U be like, "listen stupid, u corny af, lets break up"

Seungcheol would pout and kiss ur cheek, "nah, u still owe me hot choco. Break up with me after paying me back."

"Ew, why would i pay u back tho"

"Uh cause if you don't imma do thisss," then he proceeds to shove u into the snow again

"CHOI. SEUNG. CHEEOOOLLLLLLLLLLALAKAKAOKS!"

Ok well i have to cut this here first cos there are 12 boys left

Oh Hi hello u here back to ur regular programme

Jeonghan

Yiz

Unlike cheol

Dis ho not about to get cold 4 u uhm

Leave the cold for someone else

But get warm together

I mean

Wink wINKkkkk

Jk gtfo

This is a wholesome headcanon

Git warm he would gladly

So u know what dat means

CUddlEs

Imagine cuddling jeonghan

BoIii

It's da holidays

Which mean he bout to get dat $$$leep

Of course u dont mind that ur just sleeping in

Gurl if ya do

Let me stress out

If you mind sleeping in and cuddling with yoon jeong han

GUrL

Wathu doin????

AnYWAY

ITz u and him right

Ur in bed reading the novel he got u beforehand right

Look at u looking cute in knit sweater and glasses

EVEN IF U DONT NEED THEM THERE ARE GLZSSES

IM TRYING TO MAKE A SCENE HERE WORK WITH ME

it could be jeonghan's ur using it as a headband shhhh

So like ur sitting down

N beside u its jeonhan v slightly snoring

Right right right

Then ur like "man i want something to eat cause i've been sitting here reading all day"

But also ur always hungry

Cause who isnt tho lol

ANYWAY UR ABOUT TO STZND UP

but jeonghan like a needy ho is like noooooooooooodontgo

N ur like

aww wat a needy ho

"Jeonghan im just gonna get something to eat"

"Eat laterrr, i need u now"

He'll keep his eyes shut and shimmy over

Securing an arm on your  hip so u wont go

U roll ur eyes and put your book away on the cabinet next u

"Jeonghan ive literally been next to u since last night. I'm just gonna get something to eat, and 4 u 2!"

He'll flutter his eyes open only to close them and move even closer to place his head on ur lap

"I dont want toooooo"

U roll ur eyes again and shimmy out of his grip

But only to get into his arms and hide your face in his chest

"You're so needy," u note

"Says you who's tangling themselves on me"

"Touché"

Joshua

Okay

Get this

Joshua and gingerbread houses

He probably used to build one growing up

And he has just the person in mind he wants to rekindle the tradition with

Congrats u filthy animal

So he took the liberty of getting allll u and he would need

And so much more

Im talking chocolate bars

Shipped cream

Candy canes

Busicuits

Edible glitter

Gum drops

Shrek 1 2 3 4

Is there a four

Im too lazy to google it

And omg u so special to him he loves u so much

Screw u

He wants to share the love with the carats

So he vlives it all

And at first ur shy

Like what if the joshua stans come 4 u

Ok but in this story yall had already annouce ur relationship

AND EVERYONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE COOL WITH IT FFS LET UR FAVES DATE WHOEVER THEY WANT ISTG

so

Joshua is like "noo don be shy they'll all love u"

(':

N ur like ok cos i love u sm

But not like the company sm tho *barfing noises*

So yall build a gingerbread house and do a whole ass tutorial about it

Except u dont

Cause yal are morons and could stop messing up or earing the ingredients along the way

Sorry honey ur morons i dont make the rules

"Stop eating the marshmallows!"

"U literally finished the bowl of mnms tho Joshua!"

"Uh no that was the gingerbread man,"

ANd then u all bicker like children because u are omfl

And it excalates

fooD FIGHT

U smear cream on joshuas face

He sprinkles sprinkles on ur head

U press graham crackers against either of his cheeks and ask him what he is

"A sexy graham sandwich"

"Ew no wrong answer," u reply

Can i just point out that that chocolate syrup stain is never coming off

*cough cough cough moron cough cough*

Jun

Imma bout to yeet

Junhui is also feeling nostalic

super soft super baby

And since he's probably feeling bit homesick somewhere in there

he thinks he can remedy it with a bit of chinese home cooking!!!

And whiney needy cuddles also yay

Moving on so

Will it be good?

Damn straight

itll be fikin delish

Will you try to to help him

Of course u gotta help ur man

But like duh

u have eyes

And seeing him all focus and busy and hot

Is really distracting

So like ur as useful as a broken button to him

He doesnt mind tho

He thinks ur cute

Also lovng the attnstion

But the thing about not helping

Not really

And being distracted by a cutie pie

Is that it's basicaly a disaster ending to happen so like

he's efficiently stirring up so hot stuff right

And ur like "man jun's some hot stuff"

And then BaaaaM

U knock over the damn chopping board with the knife and everything on it

Thank goodness the thing didn't chop through your foot of anything

And jun is like "oHMYGOSH DA HELL R U OK"

"... i- im sorry i knocked over ur potatoes"

"My poTaToeS! Listen rn im glad u didnt chop ur foot off"

Jun sighs and looks at the cubes of taters scattered on the floor

You frown, feeling useless

Both of u pick up ur mess

Jun puts down the kitchen utensils in hand

u picked up the last of the potatoes

"Hey we could always wash those, it's not like the floor is mud or anything, even then , potates came from mud"

"Yeah but im sorry, i wanst really helping in the first place"

Jun smirks, "nonsense! U were feeding my ego! That's enough for me!"

You snort and jun comforts u with a tight embrace

Hoshi

AlrighT fam

I thought of something pretty cute but pretty dumb for hoshi

He's like "imma do something super romantic for Christmas"

So he's like "wear something cute we gon do smth fun" @ u

So u do

U get a cute little red dress just for the occasion

And soonyoung his like "BRO MY GIRL SO SUPER CUTE"

And ur like a blushing mess cause he looks super excited with his big smile and cresent eyss

ahhh Hhh myHOSishiii fealzssmsmmsms

Anyway u think ur gonna go to some cute restaurant right

But hoshi brings u to the mall

To instead join the couples dancing contest

Soonyoung gets super nervouse at ur surprised reaction

He's like, "omg is this a super bad idea i thought it would be cute but like i guess not we dont have to go we could always just drop out"

You laugh and shake ur head, "no it's all good, but i mean like, we don't have a choregraphy, and im not like you who can just break it down."

Soonyoung lets out a breath and chuckles, "nah don't worry. It's not really a compation-competion, and regardless, they're going to show ius a choreo and the couple that best interprets wins a a romantic date for two, fit for a dancing king and queen"

And then u break into a big uwu

"Omg u are super romantic soonyoung"

He struts a pose and chuckles, "i mean, i try"

So you both participate in the contenst

Kinda zumba it out by folling the instructors

Soonyoung is helping you out with your form and explaining to you the steps

He gets a little competative so he doesn't really want to mess us

Up hearing you giggle when you do a s pin breaks his competative spirit

And all he really cares about is having a good time with you

Aleight

But admitedly

He was pretty annoyed when they annouced the winner

Were not the two off you

i mean you lot were the cutest it can gt

Who else could trump that

But then you both saw that the winners were 80 something yesr olds holding hand and looking at each other like the other was their world

and then soonyoung was like "okay valid"

You pout, "aww i hope we end up like that"

Soonyound and you turn to each other

He grins for ear to ear, "then lets go on a romantic date as well"

"I thought you'd never ask"

Wonwoo

LiNda

I hope you're ready for wonwoo 

Because i sure as hell am not 

So in case youre wondering 

Youre crazy I mean youre reading this arent you 

Prolly at midnight hi fam 

Again i dont make the rules 

Well just a btw Almost every 

Christmas tradition is pagan 

Like the tree 

The wreath 

And SANTA IS SO CREEPY YALL NEED TO GET UR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HIM 

SO MAYbe ur not all that crazy 

For not wanting to continue them on 

i mean sure u can give new meaning to things 

But you wanted none of that

 Which was whyyyy you decided to DIY the decorations to your entire house 

Nnd who else are you going to do that with other than your loving bb boyfriend wonwoo 

Wonwoo doesn't mind 

He thinks its cute 

Because it is a cute date idea 

Youtube tutorials 

Pinterest ideas and paper snowflakes and all 

Yeah 

so wonwoo is there cutting up some of the paper you folded 

You're glueing some popsicle sticks 

He's water coloring some designs in 

Youre pulling on the tape dispenser 

It's all going great 

"Jagiya... i don't want to sound mean but-"

 "They're all ugly as hell. I know Wonwoo." 

Wonwoo gives an apologetic look. 

For a moment u two dont speak 

And then you both brust into laughter 

"Aww whatever, lez stick em on!" 

And do you get your badly painted slowflakes 

Your wolf drawing 

"That's a wolf?" 

"Duh what else would it be wonwoo?" 

The letters that spelled merry chrsitmas 

And the doodle cutouts of the seventeen members 

in personalized ugly sweaters 

And placed them all over the place 

You look around basking in the glory of ur craft 

Its all very colorful 

And crafty 

And looking like a child made it 

Then like an imbecile 

U break into laughter 

"It looks like a kindergartener's classroom" 

U end up roasting yourself 

Making fun of your sloppy handwork 

And wonwoo watches u 

with adoring eyes

 "I almost forgot," wonwoo speaks up and pulls out a piece of paper 

You recive it from him and break into a smile 

"Is this us?" 

Wonwoo snorts, "no its jeonghan hyung in a dress holding my hand sweetheart"

For a moment u believe him

But then he breaks out into laughter

Woozi

Boi imma fite u

Christmas carols

Okay idek why i ended up so serious with wonwoo

But listennup

Im not about to maypke it crackier

so back to christmas carols

Dis boi is about to serande you with a christmas themed love song

So its around 8pm at night

Jihoon has is guitar

and ur just chilling right

and ur on ur phone letting him do his thing

but then from the floor he was sat on

he turns to you on the couch

And pats ur leg

"Yo i just finished my song u wann hesr"

You squeak and jump of the couch next to him

"Duh dummy!"

And he starts singing

He's talking about stars and warmth

He's spittin fire about the smell of hot choco

The  he's talking sbout how lame joshua's gingerbread house was

Next thing you know ur  crying

because omg that ginger bread houseWAS UGLY

also jihoooooooooooooon just serenaded you

Dont u just

Then jihoon catches you and panicks

"You okay? Why are you cryin?!"

"HowDARS YOU ASK ME THAT LISTEN UP U JUST SAID SOME SWEET WORDS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!"

JIHOON CALms down

But u crybaby cant stop crying

and of course jihoon panicks again

So he starts singing some other Christmas song

And then u start crying about poor rudolf

And remember regina george

But then eventually you calm down

And decide to nuzzle up against jihoon who replaced his guitar with you in his arms

Then us fall asleep with him sweetly singing about the spirit of Christmas

DK

 Liz gittit

Of course this ray of light just wants to give off energy to the world 

And since he 

And u u forgetful ass 

Forgot to go shopping for presents 

You decided to go on a dec 24th shopping trip! 

Hurrah! 

But it was too eady for u two 

Like wtf 

Gift giving Is suuch and easy task 

And shoping a day before Christmas 

pshhhhhhh 

Its a heartbeat

 "Whoever gets the best gifts gets for the best price gets to boss the other around until new year," seokmin grins 

You knit your brows deeply at his words 

And wonder what the hell he has in plan for him to think of doing something so ensnaring 

So being the smarter one in the relationship 

"Uh no??" 

Seokmin was like "ok then the other has to do whatever the other says for the entirety of Christmas" 

"???? Whyyyyy?" 

"Because its not challengeing or fun if there isn't any condition" "Ugh fine" 

So the two of you zip around looking for the best gifts you could get 

You try to stay away from the people doing their last minute shopping 

Seokmin doesnt dare go in between an old lady mouthing of another customer 

Tbh its super stressful 

wtf 

what kind of date is this 

Only morons would do this wtf 

Both of you got shoved constantly 

There wasnt really much space to move around 

And there wasnt really anything to choose from 

But hey guess what 

Seokmin found some really cool gifts 

"Daheck did u get that shirt?" 

"Isle five. There were a bunch of people grabbing some stuff and this fell to the ground and so i picked it up and thought it was pretty cool"

You on the other hand got like ok gifts 

I mean theyre not bad

 But da hell did dk get a frikin eeyore onesie idek 

It was no contest.  

Seokmin defo won 

"Yisss so i win therefor u have to make me some Christmas cookies tomorrow" 

"U ho did u really just make me suffer through that so you could ask me to make cookies 4 u???" 

"Yes but we really didn have gifts tho." 

U roll ur eyes 

Seokmin's face falls, "r... r u like mad @ me?" 

"Uhhhhhhhhhh" 

You knit your brows at him but release a smile when u see his nervous look 

"No babo. Im jusy tired, lezgo back home" 

He sighs and nods, kissing your cheeks 

"Dont worry baby, ill carry all of this back home" 

Which he does 

And when u get back 

He says he forgot something in the car

then comes bzck 

And then forcefully turns u around 

Ur about to protest

But the you realize he's putting on a silver necklace on u 

"Yahhhh seokminie, u shouldnt have. Where you even get this"

"I bought it a while back, duh" he chuckles then kisses you on the cheek 

"Merry christmas jagi" 

Mingyu  

You are a genius for getting boyfriend like mingyu 

uh and super lucky like fu-- 

BUT TODAY 

Ur extra glad that mingyu is 10ft tall 

Because ur going to be decorating your very own tree 

Wow 

You bought he prettiest glass ornamnets

 and the sparkliest streamers 

"I have a vision," u explain 

Mingyu nods in understanding 

U and him lift the tree into the living room 

And then u start decorating the tree from the bottom up 

Its all rly chill

 You lot are chatting about whatever 

He's tellling you about ur tour n stuff 

U put on some Christmas tunes for flare 

And then u stand up from the floor and boogey with each other 

Yall shake ur butts 

and go around the tree wrapping it in tinself 

Mingyu steals one of the ornaments from u

 and u try to take it back from him like the genius u are 

Except hes holding it over his head 

N u cant for the life of u reach his hand up there 

So u step on his foot 

And punch his stomach 

And he bends down in reaction 

In pain

Soz

He was asking for it

U steal the decor back 

Then he proceeds to chase u around because aparently ur the bully 

*instert pikachu meme here* 

N then u get back towork 

Or i mean take a break 

And u eat a bunch of holiday special junk 

And then u get back to work 

"ok nows for the star" 

U hand him the star because its the entire point of his existance

getting that star up ther 

with his longass arms 

He turns to u "u dont wanna put it" 

BOI 

u suck in a breath 

"I cant frIKICN REACH IT U LIL" 

He give a face, "there are ways" 

"My go-- just put the AHHHHHHH"

AND THEN THE NEXT THING U KNOW

 Hes crouching down pulling ur legs on his shoulders 

"MINGYU PUT ME DOWN" you say, about to rip of his face 

Mostly because u have nothi to hold onto

but he stands 

with u on his shoulders

and walks to the tree 

"Put the damn thing on before u fall!!" 

Wow its ur fault again

And screaming u put the star on 

And mingyu putz u down 

"Okay that was stressful" 

U punch him in the gut again 

The8  

Minghao is super tired 

But super looking forward to spending time with u 

So u defintely go on a date 

But its of the lazy movie watch variety

Im talking all the chesey romance movies 

Set in december 

that has like mistletoe kisses 

And snow scenes 

And also those holiday specials

 For catroons 

And non cartoons 

Even the one with arnold swartzimacallit 

You pull out the laptop 

And get on netflix 

There's popcorn on 

And hot tea 

Or whatever the hell 

Its all just very warm 

and u and minghao are wrapped together in a warm blanket 

Ur nestled in between is legs and ur super warm and cozy and im so soft bleh 

"Oh oh, u should see this part, its my fav--" 

But u stop uourself when u turn and see minghao fell asleep

 U coo and let him obvi 

taking unflattering pictures duh 

But also cute ones because 

#couplegoals 

He doesn't sleep through all the movies though 

You end up watching non christmas themed films too 

Like toy story4 

OKAY I CRIED AT THE ENDING 

PIXAR IS REALLY COMING FOR MY WIG 

"You look really cute cuddled up against me" he'll randomly blurt 

U feel ur cheeks brun at that 

but no he cant have that 

"I thought i was always cute" 

He chuckles and groans as he hugs u tightly 

U laugh at his reaction 

"Of course you're always cute" 

"Ok but the teddy bear u got me is actually cuter" 

"Nononono, the teddy is cute but uuu are cuter" 

"Were u always this gross?" 

Seungkwan 

Okay 

before u tell me these are getting worse and worse every passing member 

i would first like to say i know 

and  that seungkwan bought u a cute dress for Christmas 

and took u to a fancy restaurant 

Ok ur welcome 

But like even if it werent fancy 

U'd still like it 

cause holy guacamole 

imagine holding seungkwans hand as u walk around

Jsut being so head over heels

and super in love with the cutie

Groooossss 

LinDA 

The feeling is mutual for him when he's around u 

so he stops mid conversations 

just to take ur pic 

Its kinda annoyig 

but kinda cute 

"Hey unknow hansol told me about-- what are u doing"

 "No go on, im just talking ur picture"

 Literally the bst hype man alive 

Will make take dozen upon dozen photos of u 

And will make u pose for aethetics 

He will go on making sure everyone knows u da hottest ho in the place 

n ur like "seungkwan stfu u embarrassssing meee" 

And then oml  

Some moron tries to hit on u 

and seungkwan sqwares up ready to hit a fool 

would he actually do it i mean 

Like 

prolly Not 

but then again he looked really mad 

So u calm him down 

and u go bzck home 

And the cuddles 

"Baby girl im sorry if i embarrassed u"

 "Nah itz chill i mean i know u have good intentions"

U smile and he takes another candid phto of u

"Broooooo!!"

 "Im donnnr. Now hows about we get rid of that dress" 

Vernon  

okay im willing to guess hansol loves drinking hot chocolate in the winter

So he's like 

"Lets do a hot choco review" 

And buys 897 types of hot choco 

Or like ten 

wtf eight hundres pluss is too much 

So ur like okay i like hot choco 

and then he pulls out his phone and does a vlive 

"No i am not jealous of joshua hyungs vlive with his gf" 

Yall make like ten cups of hot choco 

and is chaotic 

Idek how u could get injured 

But hey 

It wasnt even the hot water invovled 

but the wrapping of the choco powder 

"Technical difficulties hansol is a big moron" 

U get him a bandaid

"Ya! I am not" 

Yall start reviewing anyway 

*insert try guys eugenes voice* 

Im rihght

 Ur wong 

Shut up 

After trying the first onw 

Ur like wow dis is good 

the second was even better 

The third one u hold

then u realized there were eight more cups 

And that u made so

much 

so u were like "omf there is too much "

then u debated whether or not calling seventeen to drink the rest 

But then hansol was like "ther isnt enough for themm"

Then ur like 

"okay whatabout making a super hotchoco" 

n vernon was like 

???? 

"THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVVER HAD" 

SO YALL GET A BIGASS POT 

MIX THE REST IN 

REALIZE U HAVENT RATED THE other cups

 Shrug it off 

and get a cup of the hot choco mix 

"Tastes like corn" 

"Bish dafaq" 

Dino 

Yikes 

so 

Chan is a dumb ho 

and got himself sick at Christmas so 

nononoono thats a no to any cute date ideas 

and its just you and him staying at home 

U personally dont mind 

but hes like "awww but i had so many ideas"

 but obvi U cant risk him getting any sicker than he already is 

So you stay home and take care of him 

and all he can do is complain about everything 

about the cold 

his runny nose 

The lack of taste of the food

 His head ache 

The fact his bed is hot 

And that fact that u have to take care of him 

And treat him like a baby 

"I am not a baby" 

"Listen up, u are always gonna be my baby" 

"Not u toooooo najsjsjjs" 

You make him some hot cocoa 

And hes like "im not drinking that if u call me baby again" 

"Babybabybabybabybaby" 

Ugghgg "If you keep doing that im not going to give u the gift i gotchu" 

"Well das on u" 

And then u end up going ona glaring contest 

Chan ends up giving it to u anyway 

"i hope u choke on it" he grumbles with insencerity 

U coo when u see that its a handwritten letter 

And then u end up crying because hes super soft

N ur super soft

And gahhh u love him so much

 Chan pats ur back because he doesnt want to get u sick if he hugs u  

U sniffle and wipe ur eyes 

"Who's the baby now, cry baby" 

You snarl and pinch his side 

And now i say

This was probably hecking bzd but i hope u enjoyed 

merry CHRISTMAS 

ITS MY FABORITE HOLiDAY 

TAKE CARE Of urselves mwaah

Support me on ko-fi

[meredith-alexandra-jane-blog]

My Immortal: Beauty and the Beast Version Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

I was really scared about Vlodebeast all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with Beasty's favorite gothic band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I'm now a background singer (because Beasty liked my voice when he heard me sing the Gaston song to Gaston). People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Caleçon Le Nodule, and MCL (that's Mon Chimique L'amour u preps).

The other people in the band are B'loody Belle, Madame de Goffik Garderobe, Cadenza the Dark Harpsichord of Death, Loomiere, and Belle's papa Maurice (we call him Diabolo now.) And a hat rack named Chapeau. (who might be another Ghey Guy).

Today only Gaston and Beasty were depressed so they weren't coming to listen so we wrote songs instead. I knew Gaston was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he's a vampire and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak. And Beasty was probably watching a depressing movie like 'Le Cadavre de Mariée.' I put on a black leather vest that showed off my currveyy physique, and one of those cravats from the 1700's made of red lace. And on my black coat with red lace on the sleeves and lapels I wore a tiny red ribbon pinned on the lapel that said, 'Le Projet Élémentaire.' (The name of another of Gaston's and my favorite bands!) Everybody says I'm too clingy to him but I don't get it.

We were singing a cover of 'Hélene' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"LeFou! Are you OK?" B'loody Belle asked in a concerted voice.

"With all due respect-what the fck do you think?" I asked angrily.

And then I took deep breaths to calm myself down and I said. "Well, it just so happened that Voldebeast came to me in the forest...(I lost my positivity and became OOC again)...and the fcking bastard told me to fcking kill Beasty! But I don't want to kill him, (my softie heart came back shuddup I'm still goffic ok?) because he's really nice, he's really kind and gentle, even if he did go out with Gaston. But if I don't kill Beasty, then Voldebeast, he'll kill Gaston!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Gaston jumped out from behind a wall. "Why didn't you fcking tell me!" he shouted. "Why you fcking poser bytch! NOBODY keeps secrets from GASTON!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Gaston started to cry all sensitive. He stood close to me and lifted my chin up and let me be hypnotized by his gothic eyes and Vampire power. Then he ran out crying. (so wut if dat ooc? Prepz!)

We practiced for one more hour. Suddenly Beasty walked in angrily and he was in Beast Mode! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't because he had a headache.

"Do you realize what you could have DONE?" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically not swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil cry)

"LeFou, Gaston has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

...

I said stop flaming up prepz! see if dis chaprer is srupid!1111 it dels wit rlly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

...

"Noooo!" I screamed. I was horrorfied. B'loody Belle tried to comfort me but I ran to my room crying myself. Beasty chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room because he would look like a perv that way (he's bi remember)

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They blood got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a L'inkin Parc song at full volume. I grabbed a steak (probably one of Beasty's he likes raw meat) and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fcking depressed!

I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut nightshirt with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high-heel boots with pink metal stuff on the ends, my pink bow tie, and six pairs of skull earrings. (Stanley would never wear this r u kidding he is such a prep!) I couldn't frcking believe it.

Then I looked out the window and screamed... Clock was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loomiere was masticating to it! They were sitting on their flying candlesticks.

"EW YOU FCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT?" I screamed putting on a towel with a picture of M'Arilyne d'Maison (aka Monsieur D'Arque who is also a great goffik singer) on it.

Suddenly Beasty ran in. He was in Prince Adam form again, the sexay man with eyeliner and his hair in a ponytail with blue ribbon. He wore a light blue jacket with white lace all over it (and only his black eyeliner kept him from looking like a total fcking prep).

"A'bra Que'davre!" he yelled at Clock and Loomiere pointing his womb. I took Gaston's gun and shot Clock and Loomiere a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.

(AN: so sorry this does not make sense in the 18th century, not mentioning the fact everyone is basically OOC. But no haterz prepz!11!)

Then Beasty ran into a wardrobe which was the place he transforms (sort of like the old Superman movies with the phone booth).

Suddenly, Beasty came out of the closet (geddit?) and he was THE BEAST again!

"LeFou, it has been revealed that someone has- NOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Clock and Loomiere and then he waved his magic wand (Agathe gave it to him) and suddenly...

Monsieur Chapeau ran outside on his flying candle and said everyone we need to talk. (AN: how can he run when riding a flying candle? Not to mention he's a hatrack?)

"What do you know Chapeau? You're just a petit Porc-Verrues student!" (I believe Beasty said this line)

"I MAY BE A PORC-VERRUES STUDENT- BUT I AM ALSO A SETANIST!"

"This cannot be," Clock said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Beasty's gun had shot him (AN: wait that doesn't make sense. I thought LeFou shot him with Gaston's gun correct?) "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Loomiere (back to life apparently) held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, normally how I do when it feels like when you do not drink enough wolf blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loomiere said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. (Does that mean Clock? I'll just leave that to your imagination *hon hon hon*)

And then I heard the words that I heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked or happy.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Chapeau said and he paused in the air dramaticlly, waving his brass hat rack arms in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Livres.

"Because you're goffic?" Clock asked in a little afraid voice because he was afraiind it was connected with Seten.

"BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

stop f'aing ok chapeau is a pedo 2 alot of ppl in american skoolz lik dat i wunted 2 adress da ishu! how du u no clock aint kristian plus chapeau isn't relly in luv wif lefou dat was stanley ok!

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Gasgon had given me in case anything happened to him. He told me (during the War) to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS CHAIPeau but it was Beasty. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOO! I'M TRANSFORMING AGAIN AND IT HURTS!" and then...his eyes rolled up. You could see his red whites.

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into The Symbol!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!"

"I do but Diablo (Maurice) turned it into a rose tattoo for me and I always cover it up with foundation. And with my fur when I'm in Beast Mode. " he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and transforming hurt and it turned into The Symbol! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Gaston...Volfebeast has him bondage!"

Anyway I was in the castle nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Clock and Loomiere and CHAPUEU were there too. They were going to Sainte-Mangue's after they recovered because they were pedofiles and you can't have those fcking pervs around Beasty's castle with a lot of hot boyz (Chapeau is Ghey and maybe Clock too) and hot girlz. Beasty had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

(AN: If you are confused, my apologies. Working with the original text)

Anyway Chapueau came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"FeLou, I need to tell you something." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Frck off," I told him. "And get my fckn name right! You know I fcking hate the color pink anyway, I only wore the bow tie because Gaston used to like girls as much as boys, and pink is a girl color! And...I don't like fcked up preps like YOU!" I snapped.

Chapeau had been mean to me before, for being goffik. He had punched me repeatedly in the face with his hat-rack arms. It didn't hurt though.

"No, FeLou," Chapuau says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked because I was angry that he got me pink roses. And he can't get my name right.

"I saved your life!" he yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris L'Hotel de Hilton p-video made from your shower scene and being vued by Clock and Loomiere. Who MASTICATED (c is dat spelled rong) to it." he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed one of his hat-rack hands to the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well if you wanted Honesty thats all you haD TO SAY!

"That's not a spell, that's an MCL song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio (4 all you cool goffic mcr fans out there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!) imo noto okayo!"

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I know he wasn't a prep.

"Okay I believe you now wtf is Gaston?"

Chapeau rolled his eyes. (on his top hat head) I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, FeLou," Beastly said, watching the two of us watching the flame, "2 c wht iz in da flames (HAHA YOU REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urself 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OL' BEAST!" Chapeau yelled. BEASTly looked shocked. I suppose he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Chapeau stormed off back into his bed. U r a liar, Beasty!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather frock coat that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was a dark blood red vest, too, with corset stuff (laces) I put on the front. I put on ripped black breeches with black fishnet stockings and black high-heeled boots with tiny pictures of Gaston (the animated cartoon Gaston) on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't no who she iz u a prep so fck off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and lip gloss.

(Mon Dieu! if only I could get back to Villaineuve- cuz Stanley would so be jealouz AND turned on- He dat sexy prep wiv hair like Jean Travolta from Grease!)

"You look kawai, boy." B'loody Belle said sadly. Belle was wearing her yellow ballgown except it was all ripped up with blood droplets on it. (Like those posh prep mums, the way they dress up their kids for Halloween? That.)

"Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too. but I was still upset. I slit my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. (In memory of my Gaston the Vampire) I cried again in my bathroom (where M'oaning Monsieur Toilette kept me company but don't worry he is not a perv he just moans all depressed and he sucks himself back down the toilet from time to time) I put the shades on so Clock and Loomiere couldn't spy on me this time.

I went to some classes. (Reading classes where B'loody Belle taught me some basic reading in the big Library.) Beastly was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures (don't ask me what that means, je ne sais quoi- I sincerely don't get it.) Belle also reads us some Shakespear, because his stories are all dark and Goffic so we like his books.

Beasty (who was human Prince Adam right now) looked all depressed because Gaston had disappeared and he too used to be in love with Gaston. He was sucking some blood from a 'Hufflepuff' (Je ne sais quoi!)

"Hi" he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in a wqually said way.

We looked at each other for some time. Adam had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Gaston's. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing with each other.

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Mrs. Teapot who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Beasty you fcker!" I said slapping him. "Quit trying to screw me. You know I loved Gaston!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

And then he started to scream. "NOOOO! MY TRANSFORMATION HURTS!" And then...his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

"No!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I know but Diablo (Maurice) changed it into a rose tattoo for me and I always cover it up with foundation!" he said back. "Anyway my transformation hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Gaston...Volfebeast...MY FATHER...has him bondage!"

SPECIAL FANGS RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOSED TO RIT DIS!1111!

HEY RAVEN DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER IS