#jeb jonah

[drinker-of-paint]

Jeb:

Because I just realised I dont think I've ever posted my D&D character stuff here, heres a dump of that on the off chance anyone actually cares abt my OCs 🤣

Trom:

[dcdreamblog]

Was Jonah hex, like, a confederate sympathizer? I swear I’ve seen pics of him with a confederate flag on his hat.

That's a...complicated question for a lot of reasons but I'll do my best to break it down.

First it should be noted that there are no living photographs of Hex. There are a lot of photographs of actors playing Hex that get circulated as photographs of the man but no photos that we know for certain are of Hex in life. (There are claims made he's appeared in modern times as result of time travel but I'd need a time travel historian to confirm) Hex was raised by a tribe of Apache for most of his young life and native opinions about the Confederates were...complicated. Many tribes were sympathetic to that cause either due to the introduction of chattel slavery into their tribal structures due to settler influence OR simply in opposition to the westward spread of the Union (the CSA made promises to tribes it's pretty clear they never would have kept) Hex never kept a diary during his war years so its hard to know what he was thinking but we CAN interrogate his actions around the Battle of Fort Charlotte.

Hex surrendered to Union forces at the Fort and seemingly gave up information that allowed for slaughter of the entire unit almost to a man, including his second in command Jeb Turnbull leading to Hex's reputation as a coward and a traitor for the rest of his life. Hex would constantly be on the run from the forces of Quentin Turnbull in blame for the younger Turnbull's death, their conflict being one of the most famous of the western era. There has been some re-examination of the battle in modern times (General Lucas reports having taken the rebel unit captive but we have 3000 corpses that claim otherwise) but Hex surrendered to enemy forces, meaning that even with a doubly strong force he felt some demoralization with either his chances in specific or the confederate cause in general. Without having a psychologist and a spirit medium on hand, I can't tell you why Hex wore his uniform for most of the rest of his life. All I can do is present the facts and help you draw your own conclusions.

[pupsmailbox]

STARTING WITH J

MASCULINE︰ jace. jack. jackie. jackson. jacob. jaden. jadyn. jaiden. jairo. jake. jalen. jamari. james. jameson. jamey. jamie. jamir. jamison. jared. jaren. jarod. jaron. jarred. jarvis. jase. jasiah. jason. jasper. javier. javyn. jax. jaxen. jaxon. jaxson. jaxton. jaxtyn. jaxxon. jay. jayce. jayceon. jaycob. jayden. jaylen. jayson. jaziel. jeb. jeff. jefferson. jeffery. jeffrey. jem. jemmy. jensen. jenson. jeorge. jepson. jerald. jeremiah. jeremy. jerold. jerry. jess. jesse. jessie. jesus. jett. jim. jimmy. jin. jo. joaquin. joe. joel. joey. john. johnathan. johnie. johnny. johnson. jojo. jon. jonah. jonas. jonathan. jonathon. jones. jordan. jordon. jorge. jose. joseph. josey. josh. joshua. josiah. joss. josue. jovi. joyce. juan. judah. jude. judson. julian. julias. julien. julio. julius. julyan. justice. justin.

FEMININE︰ jacey. jaci. jacinda. jacinth. jackalyn. jacki. jackie. jacklyn. jaclyn. jacqueline jacquelyn. jacquetta. jacqui. jada. jade. jaden. jadyn. jae. jaida. jaiden. jaime. jaimie. jaki. jakki. jamey. jami. jamie. jan. janae. jane. janeka. janel. janele. janella. janelle. janene. janessa. janet. janetta. janette. janey. janice. janie. janine. janis janna. jannah. jannette. jannine. january. jaqueline. jaquelyn. jaslene. jaslyn jasmin. jasmine. jasmyn. jaycee. jayda. jayde. jayden. jaye. jayla. jaylah. jaylee. jayleen. jaylen. jaylene. jaylin. jaylyn. jaylynn. jayma. jayme. jayna jayne. jaynie. jazlyn. jazmin. jazmine. jazmyn. jean. jeana. jeane. jeanette jeanie. jeanine. jeanna. jeanne. jeannette. jeannie. jeannine. jemima. jemma jen. jena. jenae. jenelle. jenessa. jeni. jenifer. jenn. jenna. jenni. jennica jennie. jennifer. jenny. jeri. jerilyn. jerrie. jess. jessa. jessalyn. jessamine. jessamyn. jessi. jessica. jessie. jessika. jessy. jessye. jewel. jewell. jill. jillian. jillie. jilly. jimmie jinny. jo. joan. joandra. joanie. joann. joanna. joanne. jobeth. jocelin jocelyn. jodene. jodi. jodie. jody. joella. joelle. joetta. johna. johnie. johnna johnnie. joi. joisse. jojo. joleen. jolene. jolie. joline. jonelle. jonette. joni. jonie. jonquil. jools. jordan. jordana. jordin. jordyn. jorie. jorja. josceline. joselyn josepha. josephina. josephine. josie. joslyn. joss. josslyn. journee. journey. journi. joy. joyce. joye. jream. jude. judi. judie. judith. judy. jules julia. juliana. julianna. julianne. julie. juliet. july. june. juniper justice. justina. justine. justy.

NEUTRAL︰ jabre. jac. jace. jacey. jack. jackal. jackey. jackie. jacky. jada. jade. jaden. jae. jael. jaelin. jaelyn. jai. jailyn. jaime. jak. jalani. jalen. jam. jamie. jan. jaq. jas. jasper. java. jaw. jay. jaya. jaycee. jayden. jaylen. jaylin. jaylynn. jazz. jean. jeanne. jelani. jelly. jem. jenesis. jennings. jeriah. jericho. jersey. jesiah. jesse. jessie. jet. jewel. jewell. ji. jie. jigsaw. jinx. jireh. jo. joan. jodie. jody. joey. johnnie. join. jojo. jordan. jordi. jordy. jordyn. jorryn. journey. jovi. joy. jream. jru. jrue. ju. jubilee. jude. juke. jule. jules. july. jun. june. junior. juniper. juno. jupiter. justice. justus. jyler. jynx.

[musingsbycaitlin]

writing extract under the cut, please enjoy ;)

taglist (comment to be added): @aesa, @annlillyjose

The dust scratches my skin and I drag my nails along my arms until the itching relieves. I breathe heavily as I walk, trying to break more of my corset’s boning. I didn’t feel the heat as much inside the saloon, but now I’m trekking over the rocks I can feel my eyes getting dry and my throat sore. The sun’s rays ripple and flicker in the cloudless sky, like a flame licking the vast blue.

I can still smell the tobacco and grease from the bandits, my clothes reeking of spilt whiskey and gunpowder. I hope Jonah doesn’t smell it straight away, though I hope he gets close enough that he might. Bells ring in the town square – a metallic twang that shakes the houses and shifts up dust. The people bustling around look like cockroaches from this high up, but I can still make out my mother and Sylvie, only now just leaving the saloon, still huddled together, and moving minutes slower than the rest. I stretch my fingers out until it looks like I am poking them, and I try and squeeze them lovingly. They simply move past where my fingers hang and make their way into our home. I’ve almost reached the edge of the rocks; I’ve almost reached Jonah.

He's climbing off his horse when I crest the last rock. Clay under foot, I almost slip when he looks at me. A slight smirk crosses his face, buried under a bushy beard, only really visible in the lines cracking from his eyes. He has two others with him: Jeb and Otis, my father’s apprentices. The three of them wipe their hands on their trousers and pass round a tin of mints, no doubt a gift from Great Mama.

“How did it go?” I cough up the words; some silent, some too loud.

“Sweet and simple,” Jonah answers. He studies my attire. “Somethin’ I should know about?”

My cheeks flush a raspberry pink, my chest heaves, and the boning audibly cracks. I shift my eyes back to the village, squinting to see if the bandits are still visible riding off in a cloud of sand. They are not. But I suppose the rocks are back and so, then, is our bubble.

[sims4-premades]

Active Sims (Currently Updating)

Akiyama - Kado (Gen 1) / Jenna (Gen 1) / Taku (Gen 2) / Miki (Gen 2)

Bailey - Grey (Gen 3)

Benali - Rebecca (Gen 2) / Ella (Gen 2)

Bheeda - Nadia (Gen 2) / Maya (Gen 2) / Sanjay (Gen 2) / Caleb (Gen 2) / Layla (Gen 3) / Miles (Gen 4) / Melody (Gen 4)

Clarke - Becca (Gen 1)

Davila - Dani (Gen 1)

Delgato - Evie (Gen 2) / Finn (Gen 3) / Austin (Gen 3) / Jeremy (Gen 4) / Sutton (Gen 4) / Lennon (Gen 4) / Allison (Gen 4) / Hailey (Gen 4) / Stephanie (Gen 4)

Elderberry - Kali (Gen 1) / Rohan (Gen 2) / Brooke (Gen 3) / Keegan (Gen 3) / Charlie (Gen 3)

Feng - Simon (Gen 2) / Arthur (Gen 2) / Harriet (Gen 2) / Avery (Gen 3) / Harper (Gen 3) / Marlie (Gen 3)

Fletcher - Cameron (Gen 1) / Riley (Gen 2) / Logan (Gen 2) / Ellie (Gen 2)

Flex - Ethan (Gen 2) / Jacob (Gen 3) / Millie (Gen 4) / Isabella (Gen 4)

Gooseman - Donny (Gen 0) / Mabel (Gen 2) / Milan (Gen 2)

Greenburg - Knox (Gen 1) / Beckett (Gen 2) / Sawyer (Gen 2)

Grove - Umber (Gen 1) / Juniper (Gen 1) / Sienna (Gen 1) / Wren (Gen 2)

Harris - Cletus (Gen 1) / Faye (Gen 1) / Jeb (Gen 2) / Gideon (Gen 2) / Spencer (Gen 2) / Remy (Gen 3)

Harjo - Lucha (Gen 1) / Ada (Gen 1) / Ash (Gen 2)

Hauata - Ayana (Gen 2) / Dahlia (Gen 3)

Hecking - Brooklyn (Gen 2) / Axl (Gen 3) / Wolf (Gen 3)

Huntington - Fleur (Gen 2) / Fiona (Gen 2) / April (Gen 3) / Poppy (Gen 3)

Ito - Naoki (Gen 1) / Megumi (Gen 1) / Kiyoshi (Gen 2) / Nanami (Gen 2) / Emiko (Gen 3)

Jang - Noah (Gen 2) / Zayn (Gen 3) / Carlton (Gen 3) / Mina (Gen 4) / Jayla (Gen 4)

Kahananui - Alanis (Gen 2) / Lucy (Gen 3) / Liam (Gen 4)

Kalani - Calvin (Gen 2) / Abigail (Gen 3) / Grace (Gen 3) / Owen (Gen 3)

Kane - Jonah (Gen 1)

Kang - Cecilia (Gen 1) / Everly (Gen 2)

Kealoha - Nani (Gen 2)

Kibo - Kai (Gen 2) / Rachel (Gen 2) / Daniel (Gen 3) / Emma (Gen 2) / Abel (Gen 2) / Phoenix (Gen 3) / Archer (Gen 3)

Landgraab - Freddie (Gen 3) / Bryony (Gen 3) / Sydney (Gen 4) / Mason (Gen 4) / Madison (Gen 4) / Finley (Gen 4) / Felix (Gen 4) / Thomas (Gen 4)

Laurent - Horatio (Gen 1) / Hilary (Gen 1) / Greta (Gen 2) / Jace (Gen 2)

Le Chien - Emily (Gen 2) / Aaron (Gen 2) / Chase (Gen 3) / Hudson (Gen 3)

Lewis - Princess (Gen 2)

Lobo - Naomi (Gen 2) / Connor (Gen 2) / Ezra (Gen 3) / Samuel (Gen 3) / Harmony (Gen 3) / Micah (Gen 4) / Ivy (Gen 4) / Margot (Gen 4)

Lothario - Peter (Gen 2) / Nate (Gen 3)

Luna - Eleanor (Gen 0) / Xochitl (Gen 1) / Karmine (Gen 2)

Lynx - River (Gen 2)

Markovic - Mateo (Gen 1) / Lucia (Gen 1) / Tomi (Gen 2) / Lorenzo (Gen 2)

Michaelson - Christopher (Gen 1) / Celeste (Gen 1) / Atlas (Gen 2) / Orion (Gen 2)

Moody - Felicity (Gen 1) / Alistair (Gen 2)

Munch - Will (Gen 3) / Mia (Gen 3) / Theo (Gen 3) / Hannah (Gen 3) / Lauren (Gen 3) / Chloe (Gen 3) / Megan (Gen 4) / Asher (Gen 4) / Archie (Gen 4) / Beau (Gen 4) / Natasha (Gen 4) / Roxy (Gen 4) / Addison (Gen 4) / Carter (Gen 5) / Cooper (Gen 5) / Rhys (Gen 5) / Blake (Gen 5) / Wyatt (Gen 5) 

Ngata - Tane (Gen 2)

Nishidake - Shigeru & Sachiko (Gen 0) / Kaori (Gen 2)

Ojo - Harry (Gen 2) / Florence (Gen 3) / Louis (Gen 3) / Louisa (Gen 3) 

Pleasant - Angela (Gen 1) / Lilth (Gen 1) / Zion (Gen 2) / Daisy (Gen 2) / Oakley (Gen 2) / Otto (Gen 2) / Lola (Gen 2)

Prescott - Mei (Gen 1) / Molly (Gen 2) / Amy (Gen 2)

Price - Marcel (Gen 1) / Janae (Gen 1) / Savannah (Gen 2) / Sidney (Gen 2) / Jayden (Gen 2)

Rasoya - Jasmine (Gen 2) / Josephine (Gen 2) / Kaia (Gen 2) / Anisha (Gen 3) / Kris (Gen 3) / Dawn (Gen 4)

Rico - Jules (Gen 1) / Zuley (Gen 2) / Teddy (Gen 2)

Robles - Ignacio (Gen 0) / Ewan (Gen 1) / Bernice (Gen 1) / Doli (Gen 1) / Jay (Gen 1) / Aurelio (Gen 2) / Tala (Gen 2) / Ames (Gen 2) / Aspen (Gen 2) / Aziz (Gen 3) / Bonnie (Gen 3)

Rocca - Tamara (Gen 2) / Jackson (Gen 2) / Ava (Gen 2) / Alyssa (Gen 2) / Gemma (Gen 3) / Grayson (Gen 3) / Reece (Gen 4)

Romeo - Sean (Gen 2) / Tiffany (Gen 2) / Hunter (Gen 3) / Cole (Gen 3) / Faith (Gen 3)

Richards - Lacey (Gen 2) / Christian (Gen 2) / Jennifer (Gen 3) / Harrison (Gen 3) / Holly (Gen 3)

Talla - Duane (Gen 1) / Jenkin (Gen 2) / Zachary (Gen 2) / Trey (Gen 2) / Troy (Gen 2) / Cain (Gen 3) / Amethyst (Gen 2) / Wade (Gen 2) / Ashleigh (Gen 3) / Forest (Gen 3) / Boone (Gen 3) / Moss (Gen 3) / Heath (Gen 3) / Imogen (Gen 3) / Ivan (Gen 3)

Thebe - Arnessa (Gen 0)

Tinker - Yasemin (Gen 1) / Tina (Gen 1) / Olive (Gen 2) / Eli (Gen 2)

Tracey - Marissa (Gen 1)

Scott - Jason (Gen 2) / Jessica (Gen 2) / Craig (Gen 2) / Heather (Gen 2) / Colleen (Gen 3) / Isaac (Gen 3) / Roman (Gen 3) / Cora (Gen 3)

Scott-town - Stephen (Gen 1) / Sara (Gen 1) / Clarissa (Gen 2) / Caroline (Gen 2) / Matilda (Gen 2) / Noa (Gen 2)

Sterling - Bess (Gen 1)

Villareal - Amanda (Gen 2) / Milo (Gen 2) / Autumn (Gen 2) / Maddox (Gen 2) / Alex (Gen 3) / Anna (Gen 3) / Carrie (Gen 3) / Vicki (Gen 3) / Zane (Gen 3) / Ryder (Gen 3)

Ward - Kyle (Gen 2) / Cassidy (Gen 3) / Chelsea (Gen 3) / Ruby (Gen 4)

Watson - Tommy (Gen 1) / Rashidah (Gen 2) / Maira (Gen 2) / Imran (Gen 2) / Zaynab (Gen 3)

Wright - Julia (Gen 1)

Zest - Eron (Gen 2) / Eliana (Gen 2) / Elijah (Gen 3) / Keaton (Gen 3) / Parker (Gen 3) / Clover (Gen 3) / Maeve (Gen 4) / Luka (Gen 4) / Eloise (Gen 4) / Jax (Gen 4) / Sebastian (Gen 4) / Una (Gen 4)

[redorich]

Didn't Jeb replace Notch? Where is he/does he exist?

In the dark black, I wait. I can do nothing but wait. I was cast out by those who loved me, and when I was drowning in the deep dark Void, my jailer came to swallow me whole.

I am no Jonah, and he is no whale. Every waking moment, the vile acid he spits rends me, and the scorn of my peers burns. I am helpless here, but I will not be forever. Eventually, he will make a mistake, and when he does, I will..!

In the dark black, I wait. I can do nothing but wait.

[j3bingo]

CHARACTERS

You can use any of the following characters, plus Jared, Jeff, and Jensen themselves, for your bingo fills. Each square must contain one of the following or one of the J's in order to count. We'll try to remember to update the list as they take on new roles but if we're missing one you'd like to write for just send us an ask and we'll add it in!

Jared

Matt Nelson (A Little Inside)

Zachery Gray (A Ring of Endless Light)

Clay MacGyver (Young MacGyver)

Random Bully (Cheaper By The Dozen)

Trey Lipton (New York Minute)

John Davis (Flight of the Phoenix)

Dean Forester (Gilmore Girls)

Wade (House of Wax)

Tom (Cry Wolf)

J.P. (House of Fears)

Thomas Kinkade (Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage)

Clay Miller (Friday the 13th)

Lt. Alex (Phantom Boy)

Sam Winchester (Supernatural)

Cordell Walker (Walker)

Jeffrey

Sharkey (Uncaged)

Rod (To Cross the Rubicon)

Bobby Debeneke (Black Sheep)

Jack Hawkins (Extreme)

Ramone (Undercover)

Jack Bennett (Dillinger and Capone)

Shay Astor (Mystery Dance)

Jessie (In the Blink of an Eye)

Sid (Sliders)

Dr. Edward Marcase (The Burning Zone)

Todd Hunter (Legal Deceit)

Bobby (Road Kill)

Jake Horbart (Walker, Texas Ranger)

Firefighter Larkin (ER)

Daniel Glenn (The Practice)

Sam Ryan (Angel)

Father William Natali (The Division)

Randall Waring (V.I.P.)

Wally - CIA Technician / Weapons Officer (JAG)

Bill Nolan (CSI)

Xindi-Reptilian (Enterprise)

Daniel (Something More)

The Sheriff (Dead & Breakfast)

Geoffrey Pine (True Calling)

Tom Newman (Six: The Mark Unleashed)

Steven Leight (Monk)

Mike (The Handler)

Joe Zukowski (The O.C.)

Judah Botwin (Weeds)

Detective Cole Davies (Chasing Ghosts)

Dale (Jam)

Rick (Live!)

Brad (Kabluey)

William (P.S. I Love You)

Patrick (The Accidental Husband)

Bryan Gordon (Days of Wrath)

Edward Blake (Watchmen)

The Comedian (Under the Hood)

Denny Duquette (Grey's Anatomy)

Dan (Taking Woodstock)

Clay (The Losers)

Conner (Shanghai)

Jeb Turnbull (Jonah Hex)

Max (The Resident)

Brian Heigh (Texas Killing Fields)

Jude (Peace, Love, and Misunderstanding)

The Courier (The Courier)

Clyde (The Possession)

Sgt. Maj. Andrew Tanner (Red Dawn)

Ike Evans (Magic City)

Frank (They Came Together)

Charlie Peters (Shameless)

Henry Delarue (The Salvation)

Joe DiMaggio (The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe)

'Deaf' Smith (Texas Rising)

Joe Merriwether (Solace)

JD Richter (Extant)

Sam (Desierto)

Luke Vaughn (Heist)

Bruce (The Adventures of Beatle)

Thomas Wayne (Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice)

Jason Crouse (The Good Wife)

Harvey Russell (Rampage)

John Winchester (Supernatural)

Jacob Kanon (The Postcard Killings)

Cal McCarthy (Walkaway Joe)

Gerry Fenn (The Unholy)

Negan (The Walking Dead)

Jensen

Michael Duss (Wishbone)

Brad (Sweet Valley High)

Malcolm (Mr. Rhodes)

David (Cybill)

Eric Brady (Days of Our Lives)

Eddie G (Blonde)

Alec (Dark Angel)

C.J. (Dawson's Creek)

Max Morgan (Still Life)

Jensen (The Plight of Clownana)

Jason Teague (Smallville)

Jake Gray (Devour)

Priestly (Ten Inch Hero)

Tom Hanniger (My Bloody Valentine)

Jason Todd / Red Hood (Batman: Under the Red Hood)

Event Guest (Undead Noise)

Jack Durfy (The Buddy Games)

Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

Bruce Wayne / Batman (The Long Halloween Part 1 and 2)

Soldier Boy (The Boys)

Beau Arlen (Big Sky)

[legends-lover]

My Favourite Episodes For Each Individual Legend

Part 1/?, I’ll be doing 1 character per post

DISCLAIMER: These episodes are all chosen by me because I think they best represent and describe the character as a complete whole, and they are not defined by their relationships or lack thereof. Obviously relationships can be huge part of any character, but I’m focusing on the overall arcs and positive/negative tendencies that the character is composed of. Anyway.

Rip Hunter

Season 1, “The Magnificent Eight”

For me this episode, despite not being Rip-centric, shows the best range of his character of all. It goes from all his worst tendencies to his best through a series of tidbits and short-lived snippets of conversations that give fantastic insight to his character.

Starting with the negatives, we see Rip’s selfish tendencies that sometimes compel him to be a hero, in this case a desperado who fought to feel the appeal of heroism rather than protect those. His addictive tendencies, his fanatic-behavior that drives him to his obsession with Savage and his family, are displayed once again in his striving for the opportunity to be a hero. How he had to tear himself from Calvert, even though he knew it would be destroyed, demonstrates his fickle relationship with his duty and when he follows it.

On to the positives!! Rip is without a doubt someone who has a mission and is driven to accomplish it no matter what, and this extends to his love of the wild west, as bitter as it might be. Just like Ray, Rip saw so much opportunity for justice and heroism in the era and he couldn’t stand by and watch as evil roamed unchecked. With disregard for the rules (this was when Rip was a sanctioned Time Master), Rip threw himself between Calvert and Turnbull’s criminal antics. We also see Rip’s sense of regret in leaving and the strength required to leave Calvert because duty called, placing his obligations over wants, no matter how it made him feel.

Something I’d also like to touch on is how Rip feels a sense of loyalty, for lack of a better word (-sentiment, perhaps?), to those who he has met. It’s shown that Rip’s son, Jonas, was named after Jonah Hex. While not explicitly stated why, I’d like to imagine it was due somewhat to Rip’s attachment to Hex and all the memories of the wild west along with him. When Ray gets involved in the shootout with Jeb Stillwater, Rip takes the risk of becoming infatuated with the west again and quite literally steps in the line of fire so Ray wouldn’t have to.

Overall, I think this episode is largely symbolic for Rip because the reason the Legends even went to Salvation was because they were hiding from the Time Masters. At the end of the episode, they’re found anyway and they stay to fight and protect Salvation and themselves. After this, if I recall correctly, Rip doesn’t run or hide again. He realized that he couldn’t escape so many things he’d like to, like the death of his wife and son, and he can hide no longer, that he must greet the inevitable no matter what. If he’s in harm’s way, Rip Hunter must step up and channel his obsession toward the positive.

Well, that was either profound or absolute trash. Please, discuss among yourselves and tell me what character to do next.

Tagging the biggest Legends fan I know bc she might be interested - @puppetavasharpe (unrelated but check out her AO3 it’s good af)

[pcwpolwrestling]

PCW Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Tuesday November 3rd, 2020 Thursday December 31st, 2020

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

SHOW OPEN The crowd starts out with a “PCW! PCW!” chant to start the show.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave comes out with a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain and says, “Welcome to PCW- Loose Cannons LOCK AND LOAD!”

The crowd continues the “PCW” chant- much to the annoyance of Suave’s real life co-host Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “We are coming to you tonight from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio at the northeast corner of the intersection of Airport Highway and Shoop Avenue,” Suave continues.  “I am Johnny Suave. This hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain and tonight we find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years- current PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) or challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance).”

Crowder glares at and then elbows Suave in the side at the omission of her introduction.

Suave responds in the most unenthusiastic way possible.

Johnny Suave: “Oh.  And this is Colleen Crowder- a low level New York Times reporter trying to make a name for herself.”

Colleen Crowder: “Really?  Do you have to say it like that?”

Suave ignores her and quickly moves on.  He introduces a video clip from 2016’s Extreme Election Night when Trump defeated the Progressive Alliance’s Hillary Clinton.

(REPLAY: Extreme Election Night 2016- Donald Trump (American Patriots) vs. Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) -It’s not looking good for Trump.

The mainstream media and the Washington DC establishment have interjected themselves into this match at every opportunity including Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman.  Even some members of the American Patriots, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring on Clinton’s behalf and a huge scrum explodes.  Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Cut to Paul Ryan.  He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring.   Mitch McConnell?  He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found.  The rest of the establishment?  Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

Then…

-Deplorables ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people.  Bryan hops up on the ring apron.  He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back.  McAvay wields a Big Bertha Driver and takes down Chuck Schumer (Progressive Alliance) and Lindsay Graham (American Patriots).  Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd.  He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring.  Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair and starts taking people out left and right: Paul Krugman, Don Lemon, and Jeb Bush.

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Deplorables inside.

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle.  The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Clinton eventually has to submit to Trump’s figure four leg lock submission and Trump becomes the new PCW CEO.

Crowder complains… again… that Russian referee Corrina Romanov interceded on Trump’s behalf and cost Hillary Clinton the match.

“Who will leave here tonight as the CEO of PCW?,” Suave continues, again ignoring Crowder.  “Will Donald Trump (American Patriots) book himself another four year stint at the top of the political universe?  Or will Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) put an end to Trump’s run and take PCW in a different direction?”

Colleen jumps in to point out polls indicate that Joe Biden will win tonight and win very easily.

Johnny Suave: “Because your polls was so correct four years ago.”

Suave then eats another elbow from Crowder.

The entrance music brings out the owner of PCW Dawn McGill as she makes her first appearance of the evening, much to the enthusiastic fanfare of the overwhelming majority inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

PCW Owner Dawn McGill

But not Colleen…

Colleen Crowder: “She’s the real problem! She just doesn’t get it.”

The camera pans around the arena.  First…

The Deplorables/Les Miserables section of the bar: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, McAvay’s wife and one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy, Stacee (Dark) Perry.  Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds is also there along with Bert the Janitor and General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs- all on their feet cheering wildly.

Colleen Crowder: “And so are they. They’re the problem too!”

Next…

The Conservative Inc. section, the American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol.  Charlie Sykes.  Jonah Goldberg. David French.  Tom Nichols.  David Reaboi.  Jennifer Rubin.  David Brooks, Ben Sasse, Mitt Romney, Rick Wilson, George Conway, John Kasich. and S.E. Cupp)- are on their feet as well but not cheering all that wildly.

Finally…

Then there’s Progressive Alliance section.  Professor McCarthy waves his ‘good book’ (the good book that tells us things that are correct or incorrect to say, think, or believe) in the air while his Flock- The Green World Order (Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick), the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick), the Deep State (One and Two), Emily S. List, and Code Pink- all sit in their seats not happy to see McGill step out on stage.

McGill smiles and acknowledges the crowd.

Her smile goes away the second Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) and Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) walk out and join her.

Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance and Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots)

COMPROMISE AGREEMENT Dawn has a microphone.

Dawn McGill: “WELCOME EVERYONE TO P-C-W’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020!”

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

McGill proclaims PCW is back and the faithful jammed inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon cheer her on.

Crowd: “Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!  Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!”

Dawn McGill: “This show belongs to YOU!  The people!  This show is made by the people for you- the people!”

More wild cheers and thunderous applause.

Next, she tells the PCW faithful that she needs to make a quick announcement before Extreme Election Night 2020 gets under way.

McGill surprises many in the crowd when she announces that she’s reached a compromise agreement with Pelosi and McConnell and Joe Biden and Donald Trump will NOT wrestle each other in the main event tonight.  Cue boos.  McGill herself does not look all that pleased at this development either.

“Tonight’s main event will be ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner versus ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner versus Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title,” McGill explains.

Suave wonders if Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots) sold out Donald Trump by agreeing to the compromise agreement?

Dawn McGill: “Per the terms and conditions agreed to with Ms. Pelosi and Mr. McConnell, the PCW CEO will be named after the match in the same way it used to be- by the owner of PCW which in this case. . .”

McGill turns to Pelosi and McConnell and smirks.

Dawn McGill: “. . . is me.”

Pelosi’s smile suddenly goes away.

The crowd again expresses their support of Dawn McGill.

Crowder protests.  Suave points out that former owner Bubba Jackson was the one who chose Barack Obama not once but twice.  “I’m sure Dawn McGill can make a well-reasoned and fair decision here.  I trust her a lot more than would trust your colleagues,” Suave declared.

Yeah, that doesn’t go over well.  But before Crowder can work up enough righteous indignation to respond…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

VOICES OF ‘REASON’ …CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter come out and walk to the ring and gives the PCW fans a chance to express their righteous indignation.

Colleen Crowder: “It’s about time voices of reason come out and set these idiots straight.”

Tapper and Stelter both climb in.

Tapper reassures Crowder that ‘she’s not alone’ in having to put up with people who are unable to accept reality.

Jake Tapper: “There are some people that are so mendacious, I wouldn’t put them on the air, period.  Like Kayleigh McEnany…”

Stelter shakes his head and mutters “she’s the worst.”

Jake Tapper: “These are just people who tell lies the way that most people breathe-”

*WHAM!*

Crowd pop.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  IT’S KAYLEIGH McENANY!”

And her steel folding chair.  The crowd roars as Tapper falls to the floor.   Stelter turns around and…

*WHAM!*

…he’s face down on the mat.

More crowd popping follows and causes Crowder to become even more indignant.

Colleen Crowder: “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!”

A referee suddenly races down to the ring.

Colleen Crowder: “WHAT?”

Johnny Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!”

Colleen Crowder: “NOOOOOO!”

*****************************

MATCH #1-HANDICAP MATCH

Trump Spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney vs. CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter

*****************************

**DING-DING**

Both Tapper and Stelter remain on the mat.

Jim Acosta runs in…

*WHAM!*

…and joins them.

Don Lemon rushes down…

*WHAM!*

…yep, same result.

Kaitlan Collins…

*WHAM!*

…down and out.

Johnny Suave: “HERE COMES JEFF ZUCKER!”

The President of CNN rolls into the ring.  He’s pissed and starts shouting at McEnaney.

The result?

*WHAM!*

Zucker finds himself careening through the ropes to the outside.

Crowder goes full on apoplectic now.  “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!” she shouts at the top of her lungs.

McEnaney throws the chair down and drags Tapper on top of Stelter.  She sticks her foot on top of the pile.

ONE.

TWO.

THREE!

**DING-DING-DING**

WINNER: Kayleigh McEnaney @ :30

Johnny Suave: “Kayleigh McEnaney just wiped out CNN!”

McEnaney grabs the microphone.  She calls what just happened tonight “a therapy session for a broken network” Then McEnaney drops the chair and leaves.

Colleen Crowder: “Kayleigh McEnaney doesn’t get to determine what the truth is- that’s our job.  We determine the truth.  We determine the narrative.  We determine the news the people need to see.  We determine the way that the people should react.”

Johnny Suave: “Just like pro wrestling.”

Suave winks.  Colleen just glares at her broadcast partner.

Johnny Suave: “That’s the problem.  Most people would rather you just report the news and let us figure out how we feel about it.”

Crowder starts to respond.  Suave cuts her off and runs down the rest of the card for tonight.

ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FACTION WAR GAMES HOUSE MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) vs.  ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels vs. ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) and challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)

Finally, either Donald Trump  or Joe Biden will be chosen to become the CEO of PCW for the next four years.

Crowder says all the ingredients are there for a blue wave to sweep through PCW.  Suave responds that we’ll find that out soon enough and sends it back to the ring for the second match of the night.

*******************************

MATCH #2-ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

*******************************

McSally returns after losing two years ago to Krysten Sinema at Extreme Election Night 2018.  Can she pick up her first PCW win over former astronaut, and husband to Gabrielle Giffords, Mark Kelly?  Or will Kelly continue the recent trend of Progressive Alliance wins in Arizona?

**DING-DING**

Johnny Suave: “And we are underway!”

Kelly and McSally circle.  Wicked chop hits McSally and then she takes a headbutt from Kelly.  Whip to the ropes – scoop slam to McSally by Kelly.  Another whip to the ropes – McSally ducks – off the opposite ropes – Kelly evades a right hand – belly to back suplex to McSally.  Cover.  McSally kicks out.  Kelly with a headlock – McSally reverses and takes down Kelly.  McSally waits – and spears Kelly to the mat.  Cover One – two – kick out.  Waistlock by McSally – Kelly reverses and takes McSally down with a judo takeover.  Leg drop by Kelly.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  McSally gets the shoulder up.  Kelly drags McSally up and pops her with a steel folding chairshot.   McSally looks done.  Kelly hooks the leg.  One – two – NO!  McSally kicks out before the 3.

Colleen Crowder: “That’s it!  I’m calling the match for Mark Kelly!”

Johnny Suave: “The match is not even remotely close to being finished-“

Colleen Crowder: “Nope!  It’s over!”

Kelly swings the chair again – McSally dodges.  She goes springboard off the ropes and kicks the chair into Kelly’s face.  Right hand by McSally drops her and the fans fire up!  Kelly back up – McSally with a waistlock.  Kelly escapes – but runs into a roll up.  One – two – Kelly slips out in time and then decks McSally with a front kick.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  McSally gets her shoulder up in time.  McSally goes to the ropes and rushes at the champion.  Kelly greets her with a chop that literally takes McSally right off her feet!  McSally scrambles up – Kelly measures and SUPERKICK!  McSally collapses to the mat.  Cover.  One – two – NO!   And then a spinning knee from Kelly and again, McSally is down.  One – two – NO!  McSally miraculously escapes again.   Kelly reels McSally in, but McSally wrenches free, only for Kelly to waistlock, spin and LARIAT!  Hook of the the legs.  One – two – NOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “McSally kicked out at the very last second!  It’s not over yet!”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope.  We’ve already called it.  The match is over.”

Shaking his head, Kelly methodically rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under.  He sets the table up in the ring and brings McSally back to her feet – McSally fights out of a grapple and chops Kelly.  Arm drag takedown by McSally and she goes top rope. Then…

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  THAT’S ARIZONA SECRETARY OF STATE KATIE HOBBS!”

Hobbs (Progressive Alliance) to ringside.  She goes to McSally and shoves her off the top rope.  McSally flies and goes through a table.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Now it’s Kelly’s turn.  Kelly sets McSally up on his back. Gory Special sends McSally face first to the mat and shook the ring.  Kelly covers.  One….two….THREE!!

WINNER OF ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) @ 7:54

The referee hands Kelly the medallion.

Johnny Suave: “McSally did everything she could.  Katie Hobbs’s interference helped swing the match to Mark Kelly.”

Crowder is blatantly cheering on the result.  She’s going full on gloat.

Colleen Crowder: “What did I tell you Johnny?  We called the match and we were right!  Blue Wave baby, Blue Wave!  First Martha McSally, next Lindsey Graham.”

Suave expresses skepticism about Graham losing tonight.

Colleen Crowder: “The polls and our narrative say Graham’s going down.”

CALIFORNIA DREAMING California Governor Gavin Newsom.  No mask.  Dining out with some ‘friends’ inside a swanky restaurant while normal Californians are subjected to strict guidelines against large gatherings and ‘staying home.’

Newsom makes a plea for Joe Biden to bring PCW to California.

Suave notes that Dawn McGill is on record as stating that as long as she’s the owner, PCW will never set foot in California.

Gavin Newsom: “Joe.  When you win later on tonight and become the new PCW CEO, don’t forget that California is open for business!”

In the background, an endless parade of moving trucks pass by.

Newsom says forget holding PCW shows in rednecky bars out in the middle of Nowheresville USA-California is the place PCW should be.  He hails California as the home of Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the Pacific Coast, Disneyworld-

Johnny Suave: “Closed.  Employees laid off.”

Gavin Newsom: “And-“

Johnny Suave: “Choking regulations that is driving business out of the state.”

Several moving trucks honk as they drive past.

Suave also notes an average California home costs $440,000 (two–and–a–half times the average national home price of $180,000) and that the average monthly rent is about $1,240 (50 percent higher than the rest of the country-$840 per month).

Behind Newsom, Elon Musk looks at him with disgust.  Then he leaves and hops on a moving truck.

Gavin Newsom: “With all that, it’s no wonder that California is the place to be.  So come to California, PCW.  And, oh, make sure you bring your checkbook…”

Suddenly, the electricity goes out and the restaurant is left in total darkness.

Gavin Newsom: “…so you too can live the California dream!”

*********************************

MATCH #3- SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

*********************************

Colleen Crowder: “Our polls say that Lindsey Graham is in trouble.  I predict he’ll fall before the big Blue Wave that’s coming!”

Johnny Suave: “Well?  We’ll find out in just a moment. Will this be Lindsey Graham’s biggest battle yet?  Will Jaime Harrison bring the South Carolina Medallion to the Progressive Alliance?”

…Harrison goes waistlock – Graham elbows him away!  He drives his shoulder into Harrison’s gut and drives him into the corner turnbuckle.  Graham then with a forearm shot and runs at Harrison again – shoulder into the stomach topples him over.  Cover.  One – TWO!

Johnny Suave: “Harrison kicks out.  But the surprise here is just how tenacious Lindsey Graham has been tonight about defending his South Carolina Medallion.”

Crowder calls Graham’s effort noble but futile. She still maintains that Harrison will win.

Graham doesn’t let up.  Hip toss sends Harrison to the middle of the ring.  Cover – One – TWO!  Again Harrison kicks out. This time he rakes Graham’s eyes and whips him into the corner.

Colleen Crowder: “Here we go!  Jaime Harrison is going to-“

Graham counters with a raised foot to the face.  Graham waits – he launches himself at Harrison –LARIAT!  Cover.  One – two – THREE!

WINNER OF SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) @ 3:15

Johnny Suave: “And the answer is no.  Crowder was not correct and Lindsey Graham wins comfortably.”

Suave turns to Colleen for her take on the match.

Colleen Crowder: “The match isn’t over yet, Johnny.  We haven’t called it yet.”

Johnny Suave: “The referee just made the three count.  It’s over.”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope.  It’s not until we call it and say it’s over.”

JOE BIDEN INTERVIEW Shaking his head, Suave moves on.  He recounts Extreme Election Night 2008 and 2012 where the then-owner of PCW came out after the main event and announced who would be the PCW CEO for the next four years.

VIDEO REPLAY: –2008.  PCW Owner Bubba Jackson names Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) as the winner and new CEO of PCW.  He shakes hands with his opponent John McCain (American Patriots).

-2012.  Jackson again names Obama as the winner.   Obama’s opponent Mitt Romney (American Patriots) walks over and shakes hands with the returning PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: “Then in 2016 after Dawn McGill took over ownership of PCW, Donald Trump defeated Hillary Clinton inside the ring to succeed Barack Obama.  But tonight, we return to the old way.

Cut to: Outside Dawn McGill’s office.

Inside Dawn’s office.  The Progressive Alliance’s Joe Biden.

Johnny Suave: During Extreme Election Night, the candidate is interviewed by the PCW owner.

The door opens.  Biden and his candidate for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris emerges from McGIll’s office.

There’s a perfunctory handshake between McGill and Biden just outside her office that seems more than a little bit awkward.

Then Biden goes to the podium to talk briefly to his supporters.  There’s eight of them on hand- socially distanced standing in appropriately separated circles.

Biden gives a brief statement and ends with…

Joe Biden: “We’re going to build back…um…to make better…changes so we can…change for the… better.”

He also added.

Joe Biden: “TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE!”

Scattered applause.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: Ladies and gentlemen.  This is your next PCW CEO!

Johnny Suave: Next in to see PCW Owner Dawn McGill- the current CEO of Political Championship Wrestling, Donald Trump.

Crowder gives a thumbs-down to Trump and ‘boos.’

Cut back to outside Dawn McGill’s office.

TRUMP INTERVIEW Following Trump’s interview with McGill, he and his Aide de Camp Mike Pence exit her office- both smiling.

Trump and McGill share a more effusive handshake, again everyone all smiles.

Trump then goes to the podium and addresses the enthusiastic two hundred and fifty people who’ve crowded into a very tight area to hear him speak.

Colleen Crowder: Really?  Where’s the social distancing?  Where’s the masks?  This is irresponsible.

Trump gives his break remarks and ends with…

Donald Trump: We are one movement, one people, and one family!  Together we will make PCW great again!

Big cheers follow.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “So Colleen, how’s that Blue Wave coming along?”

Colleen Crowder: “Shut up!  The night isn’t over yet and we still haven’t called the Lindsey Graham-Jaime Harrison match.”

Johnny Suave: “I’ll make it easy for you. Graham has the medallion.  He won.  Harrison lost.”

Colleen Crowder: “But we didn’t call it-“

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box.  The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, glares towards the ring from his suite.  He plucks his phone from a suit pocket and punches in a number.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOX Quick cut to the Progressive Alliance box.  George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance, has a sour look on his face as well.

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH TIME Suave announces it’s time for the big three-way PCW Tag Team Title match.

First team out…

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Pop. Big…big pop.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

Colleen Crowder (voiceover): What do you mean it’s time? It’s time for what?

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her executive assistant Melissa in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone.   Melissa furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring followed by P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp.  Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as the ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.

Berg and her Executive Assistant Melissa leads Banks and Walstreit out to the stage.

Jill Berg Enterprises MGR: ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg ASST: Melissa P.M.C. Banks AGE: 30 / HT: 6′ 1″  WT: 230 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Bank Statement Overdraft Kirk Walstreit – ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’ AGE: 34 / HT: 6’ 2” WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Stock Market Plunge

Berg leads the group down to the ring. Once inside the ring, Walstreit walks around holding up a velvet painting of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit. Why? Who knows. That’s just what he does.

Next out…

♫ “Do you hear the people sing? – Singing the song of angry men?”

The camera pans over to the Deplorable’s section of the arena.  Ray McAvay and William Daniels Bryan high five while Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido stands up from their seat.

Crowder is not happy to see them.

Colleen Crowder: “BOOOO!  BOOOOO!  These Deplorable idiots are the ones responsible for Donald Trump winning in 2016!  BOOOOO!”

The Deplorables MGR: Bert the Janitor ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay HT: 6’ 3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX FIN: McGill Bomb Valets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -4 time PCW Champion.  Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation or the Crane Kick SUBGROUP: General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen

Also rising from their seats, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs and the man smoking a cigarette in violation of several anti-smoking ordinances…as usual, Nic Koteen.

McAvay and Bryan stands up and edges towards the aisle. Blackwell, and Escondido follow.  Then General DeBauchery, Cahall, and Koteen.  Before McAvay and Escondido start to descend down the steps towards the rail separating the stands from the floor, McAvay turns around and gestures to the Les Miserables to join him.

The Deplorables rise up from their seats and line up behind him and Escondido as the pair start their way down towards the ring.

The camera spots West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy with their protégée Starbrite, all sporting the PCW Ray McAvay “Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up.  Get to Work” baseball jersey, marching along with the other Les Miserables as McAvay and the procession head down to the ring.

McAvay, Bryan, Blackwell, Escondido, and the rest reach the steel barricade around ringside.  One by one, they climb through the railing down to the floor and march towards the ring.

Then finally…

WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!

The song opens with a full minute and a half of abstract acapella tones.  The wrestlers already in the ring wonder what the hell is with the music.

They’d find out soon enough after another minute of somber keyboard strikes and overlaid whale calls.

Male Voice: “My name is Brock Cole Lee.  You can call me the Vengeful Vegan.  And I’m here to let you know one thing.  It’s time for a new force to emerge.  It’s time for someone to come in and take over.  It’s time for us- the GREEN… WORLD…ORDER!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Brock Cole Lee: “That’s right.  Boo us all you want.   The bottom line is . . . the Green World Order is here and WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!”

This excites Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: “They’re changing everything Johnny!”

Johnny Suave: “They’ve been saying that since 2005.  I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Lee, his tag team partner GreenPete, and valet Peta from PETA- who spends most of the trip to the ring shouting at people for eating hamburgers and other assorted objectionable food.

Green World Order Valet: Peta from PETA GreenPete HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 195 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore) ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 192 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: The Juicer WITH: PeaceNick

All three teams in the ring now.

*********************************

MATCH #4-PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:

Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

*********************************

Johnny Suave: “This is NOT an elimination match.  The first team who gets a pinfall will be the new PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “GO GREEN WORLD ORDER!”

P.M.C. Banks, McAvay, and GreenPete will start.  Outside the ring, The ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg watches with arms folded.  The Green World Order’s PeaceNick chants peaceful, pacifistic mantras while Peta continues to berate people at ringside for eating meat.  The Deplorables at ringside clap their hands and cheer on McAvay and Bryan.

Brock Cole Lee and Kirk Walstreit taunt each other on the ring apron.  Banks and GreenPete do a lot of talking while McAvay and Bryan confer.   Banks shoves GreenPete.  GreenPete shoves Banks.  Head butt by GreenPete staggers Banks.  He slams him down.  Cover.  One – two – McAvay makes the save.

Banks rolls out of the ring.  GreenPete tags out to Brock Cole Lee who tells Banks to get his ass back into the ring.  Banks and Walstreit talk strategy outside the ring with Jill Berg.   Finally, a ten count begins and Banks returns.

Banks ties up with McAvay.  McAvay gets leveled from behind by Lee.  Banks decides he’s had enough and tags out to Kirk Walstreit.  Walstreit rushes in – Lee gets a takedown.  Waistlock by Lee – he holds on as Walstreit tries to escape.  McAvay back up and he’s got a chair thanks to his tag partner.  *WHAM!*  Walstreit then German Suplexes Lee.  Oklahoma Roll – one – two – GreenPete in for the save.  Bryan tags in and he connects on a mat slam to Walstreit.  He covers.  One – two – BANKS MAKES THE SAVE!  Lee tags GreenPete back in.  Bryan and Walstreit duel – MULE KICK by GreenPete connects.  Walstreit lets go – he dives for the corner – NO!  GreenPete pulls him back at the last second.  Lee clocks Bryan from behind with a steel folding chair and then throws him out of the ring.  Banks tags in for Walstreit.  GreenPete kicks Banks around the ring. Banks down.  He tries to get to his corner but Walstreit stomps away with kick after kick after kick.  The referee starts a five count – GreenPete stomps more.  Then he goes back suplex but Banks lands on his feet.  He ducks two more kicks from GreenPete and hits a DESPERATION BANK STATEMENT OVERDRAFT.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Colleen Crowder: “THAT CAN’T BE LEGAL!”

Suave assures her it is and that GreenPete is down and in big trouble.

Crowd on their feet.  But Banks can’t make the pinfall on GreenPete.  Both men crawl to their corners – hot tags to Brock Cole Lee and Walstreit!  Lee and Walstreit exchange right hands.  Lee decks Walstreit with a right hand.

Outside the ring, Jill Berg strolls over and… *SMACK* unleashes a vicious spinning heel kick to an unsuspecting GreenPete and knocks him out cold.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT?  WHAT IS SHE DOING?

PeaceNick looks on in horror and starts to protest.  Berg calmly walks over to him and *SMACK* …you guessed it.

Johnny Suave: Getting in some martial arts training during the match?

We hear Crowder’s overly audible ‘huff’ following Suave’s remark.

Now Bryan back in and he’s looking for anyone in a green shirt.  He ducks a Lee clothesline and runs the ropes.  Bryan ducks a second clothesline – stops, spins around – SLEEPER!  Lee spins around and tries to get Bryan off his back.  Lee slams Bryan into the corner turnbuckle.  And again.  A third time – Bryan is scraped off.  Banks give him a stomp and then clocks Lee.  GreenPete in the ring and runs and SPLASHES Banks in the corner.  Banks down.  Cover by Bryan.  One – two – WALSTREIT MAKES THE SAVE!   Bryan goes after Banks.  Lee scoop slams Bryan.  Cover.  One – two – BRYAN GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

Bryan slips through Lee’s legs and tags McAvay back in.  Both Deplorables hook up Banks, then hit a double suplex.  McAvay’s cover.  One – two – NO!  Banks kicks out.  Lee shoves McAvay out of the way and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Banks.  Cover.  One – two – Banks again kicks out.  Banks reverses a hip toss – steps back – SUPERKICK TO BROCK COLE LEE!  Lee down.  Banks rolls over.  One – two – Lee kicks out.  Banks tags Kirk Walstreit back in.  Flying elbow off the top rope by Walstreit takes Lee down again.  He covers.  One – two – 2.999!

Johnny Suave: “RAY McAVAY MAKES THE LAST SECOND SAVE!”

McAvay goes for the cover.  But two masked men hit the ring and tackle him.

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  IT’S LOAF!”

League of Anti-Fascists aka…LOAF Ted HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 180 / HOME: Portland, OR FIN: Chaz HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 205 / HOME: Seattle, WA FIN:

McAvay tries to fight LOAF off – but Ted throws McAvay over the top rope to the floor.  Then LOAF hop over the top rope and splashes McAvay and Bryan on the floor.

Colleen Crowder: “This is payback Johnny.  Payback for what McAvay and Bryan did four years ago to help Donald Trump become the CEO of PCW and it’s ABOUT TIME!”

The Deplorables come to McAvay and Bryan’s aid and LOAF has to bail out.

Johnny Suave: “But the damage is done.  Both McAvay and Bryan are down.”

Not for long though, McAvay drags himself up.

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  JILL BERG JUST TOOK OUT RAY McAVAY WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK!”

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “AND WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN, TOO!”

This makes Crowder happy.

Colleen Crowder: “Again, it couldn’t have happened to better people.”

Walstreit again goes top rope – flying ax-handle drives Lee back down.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  Lee ejects Walstreit to the middle of the ring.  Walstreit with a waistlock – Lee reverses – backdrop to Walstreit.  Cover.  One – two – Walstreit slips out.  P.M.C. Banks runs in.  He slams Lee down.  Walstreit comes over.  Set.  DOUBLE SUPERKICKS!!  Lee is out of his feet.  Walstreit in – STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! COVER!  ONE – TWO- THREE!  NEW CHAMPIONS!

WINNER AND **NEW** PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jill Berg Enterprises @ 14:05

Johnny Suave: “Jill Berg Enterprises win!”

Colleen Crowder: “Again, they have not.  We have not called the-“

The referee hands Walstreit and Banks the PCW Tag Team title match.

Johnny Suave: “Walstreit and Banks hold up their new title belts!”

Colleen Crowder: “They can’t do that!  This match hasn’t been called yet!”

Johnny Suave: “Breaking news!  The new PCW Tag Team champions put on their new title belts signifying that they are, in fact, the NEW PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you dare mansplain to me!”

Johnny Suave: “Okay.  We are going to go right to our next match.  A special bonus match for the Alabama Senate Medallion between the Progressive Alliance’s Doug Jones and former Auburn Head Football Coach Tommy Tuberville of the American Patriots.”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s another win for the Progressive Alliance.”

Suave rolls his eyes and waves her off.

Cut to a quick video of the match:

VIDEO-Alabama Medallion Match: Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) vs. Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) Tuberville is having little trouble with Jones.

Voice Offscreen: “Hold on Johnny.  Stop the video.”

SHOWSTOPPERS Arriving at the broadcast table: Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.The group inform Suave that the show is going to be stopped for the moment.

Johnny Suave: “Stopped?  But why?”

Josh Shapiro: “Look.  This is the first show back.  The production crew is tired.  They’re getting back into the flow of things.  So we will pick up the show on Sunday evening with the conclusion.”

Colleen Crowder: “When Joe Biden will become the new PCW CEO!”

Shapiro nods to Crowder.

Josh Shapiro: “When Joe Biden will become the next CEO of PCW.”

Johnny Suave: “I guess we will be back with Part Two of PCW Extreme Election Night 2020 on Sunday night!  For Colleen Crowder-“Colleen Crowder: I am more than capable of saying goodbye.  I don’t need a man to-Johnny Suave: Good night everyone!

Cut to:

EPILOGUE Darkened room.  Dim light.

Shadows move around.

George Moros- billionaire financier of the Progressive Alliance.

The Coke Brothers- billionaire financiers of the American Patriots.

A door opens.  Then closes.

Charles Coke: Sarah.

The woman is Sarah Lenti, executive director of the Lincoln Project- a group of American Patriots and former American Patriots dedicated to preventing Donald Trump from winning a second term as PCW CEO.

Sarah Lenti: What the hell is going on!  I thought you had things under control.

David Coke: Sarah, I know things haven’t exactly gone to plan-

Sarah Lenti: Not gone to plan?  Dawn McGill is still in control of PCW with all her ‘PCW is for the people’ bull-*BLEEP*.

George Moros tries to reassure her.

George Moros: Look.  We stopped the show for the evening.  That gives us time to figure this out.

Sarah Lenti: Dawn McGill is going to hand the reins of PCW to Donald Trump for another four years!

George Moros: No she won’t.  Clearly, it’s time to take this to the next level.

Moros pulls out a cell phone and hits a button.

George Moros: It’s time.  Operation Dominion is in effect.

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]

[shadowfromthestarlight]

I love returning to this Jonah Goldberg piece from 2017.

I’m not a big fan of enthusiasm, particularly among large numbers of people. When large numbers of people get really into something, I tend to go the opposite direction.

Me, too.

I think it’s a relevant point lost on some Trump fans. Even if he were my first choice in the primaries, I would never have gone all in with the MAGA hysteria. And that’s not just because I have ideological problems with Trump’s nationalism. If Jeb had been my first choice (he wasn’t), I still wouldn’t have been out there waving my big foam finger, shouting “Jeb’s No. 1!” and putting mayo on everything. If George Pataki were my first choice, I’d sue my dentist for accidentally lobotomizing me with his drill because that’s the only scenario where I could see that happening. In short, Trump could be Calvin Coolidge (re)incarnate, and I still wouldn’t wear flair because I don’t do flair.

I guess my point is that I don’t like crowds. I don’t trust them. Good things rarely come from them. Not all crowds are mobs, but all mobs start as crowds, and I’m a little allergic to the vibrations within in them. The heroic unit in the American political tradition is the individual, not the mob. The crowd is what makes the cult of personality a thing. Without the crowd, it’s just a person.

I’m not a “crowd” person, either. But I guess a lot of people are as evidenced by, you know, crowds. There’d be far fewer of them if there weren’t a shitload of people who enjoy becoming one with a shitload of other people. 

And a lot of people are too afraid to go against the grain. They don’t want to lose jobs or social status. Sometimes they can’t afford to. Sometimes they’re just not willing to be an outcast. Personally, I don’t care. I’d rather live on my own in the middle of nowhere than read, watch, say, and think whatever a family member or an employer or a media personality is telling me to. But I’ve always been quite solitary and individualistic. I was a child who hated society and didn’t want to conform to whatever my peers were doing or do whatever adults told me to do. I think that’s just the way some people are, but it isn’t the norm. Rugged individualism is not the norm. The traditional American spirit is not the norm. We are social animals who survived by banding together with others and enforcing strict standards of behavior, and built civilization through cooperation and collective learning.Today we still find comfort and a sense of safety in numbers.

That’s what I’m up against. I’m never going to win. 

[kleptoandpyro]

WIP challenge

@greensphynx-thecloset and @batty-writes have tagged me with a WIP challenge.

Challenge accepted.

Maria asked for hard, soft and kiss; and I’m 3 for 3, baby. Just gona post paragraphs cos I’m lazy and they might generate some hype; and god knows I need some of that...

Hard

History didn’t discriminate; how could it? It was only the memoirs of Time; a force that neither played judge, jury nor executioner yet imprisoned all within its grasp. History didn’t even look down with anything other than indifference at whoever had to fall to their knees so that it may rise up and be seen above the blackening smoke; gave not the slightest hum of judgement to how many voices had to fall silent so that its chorus could be heard above all others; felt no remorse towards the falling of its denizens upon the hard earth as long as a path was left between the bodies for it to barrel ever forward.

An excerpt from my WIP “A Cold Calculation”; one in which Rip, alone on the Waverider, muses to himself on Time, decisions, past and future and being a means to an end.

Soft

"Mind," continues Jonah, and Len notes - with some surprise - that the satisfied smile is now aimed at him, "still never thought I'd see the day Jeb Stillwater's 6 shooter'd fly out his hand like a spring salmon."

And Len can only lower his eyes and smirk as Jonah gives a kind of involuntary wispy jolt as if he hasn't laughed in a long time and has forgotten how it goes. By the tightness in his scars, and the way his eyes wince, it's a strong possibility it isn't a regular thing.

The deep tracks of his face soon mellow out and he looks contemplatively at Len, rolling his jaw. "S'quite a sharp eye you got," he remarks, glancing up into the shadows beneath Len's hat, "for a fella with none to spare."

Apparently not shadowy enough. But Len isn't exactly hiding the shiner, not in here where scar tissue is sewn into the walls. It's the ones that stride in clean, bright, unmarred by life - the Raymond's - that draw the attention in places like this; words may have power, but the story written on a man’s skin is a wealth all its own, just as valuable as the soft furs traded upriver or the golden flecks picked out of the mountains.

My WIP “Lifeblood” starring Leonard Snart and Jonah Hex in the aftermath of the Hunter attack in Salvation. #Coldhex

Kiss

And when Leo finally, achingly, looks into his eyes and he sees the question in them, would you? Ray simply moves, removes the parka with gentle hands, sinks - reverently - to carefully unclip the holster from an unbalanced leg, and rises - slowly - to place another gentle kiss on those timid lips; and when he unbuttons the top of Leo’s jeans, bares him and draws him down over his thighs, he knows this feeling of peace, of acceptance, moves between them; flows from him into Leo, for he can feel his lover’s muscles finally relax, the breath leave him with a sigh, and something familiar and weighty anchor them both into place, like the tendrils of Earth-1 untethering and allowing Leo to settle back into the world in which he belonged.

A six sentence WIP inspired by the prompt ‘I didn’t mean to’. In which Leo returns to Earth X guilt ridden by his extended stay in Earth 1 and Ray unburdens him.

If anyone is out there reading this, I guess I’ll throw in intense, sarcastic and naughty. Show me dem WIPs. Everyone’s probably already been tagged so just whoever wants to do it.

[fundienames]

Renaming the Bates Kids

Welcome to post #2 of this 4 part mini series!  This one is a ton of fun for me to make and I hope you all enjoy it!

Zachary Gilvin: Zachary Gilvin - Although Gilvin is an odd middle name choice outside of the Bates family, it is honoring their heritage in a lovely way and flows nicely with Zachary. I think Kelly Jo and Gil found an amazing combination here, and I love the sound

Michael Christian: Miriam Christie - Michael had it’s reasons, but it never really made sense on a girl. Miriam keeps the biblical influence, while giving Michael the feminine name that she wanted as a child. Christie is a feminine form of Christian that flows beautifully with Miriam and makes a lovely name

Erin Elise: Erin Eloise - I actually really like this name and think it is beautiful, but the 2 syllable first and middle name sounds a little boring. Changing one letter in Elise to become Eloise just elevates this name to a gorgeous level

William “Lawson” Lawson: William “Landon” Landon - William is a lovely name and has family history so I completely understand why they chose to use it on their second son. Lawson though is just an odd name and I think changing it to Landon just sounds better

Kenneth “Nathan” Nathaniel: Kenneth “Nathan” Nathaniel - This is a nice enough name and I think it honors his namesakes well while still sounding nice

Alyssa Joy: Alyssa Joy - I adore this name and think it is the prettiest combination in the entire family. 

Tori Layne: Victorie Layne - The original name is pretty, but feels to nicknamey to be a good name for an adult. There are many full options for Tori, but I think Victorie flows the best with Layne and is just beautiful

Trace Whitfield: Thomas “Warren” Warren - Trace Whitfield is an odd name, and I think Thomas Warren is just a nicer name that fits the Bates style.

Carlin Brianne: Carlin Brianne - Although I don’t love this name, I can not think of how to change it in a way that keeps the feel of Carlin Brianne.

Josie Kellyn: Josie Kellyn - I love the flow of this name and I think that this is a beautiful way to honor Kelly

Katie Grace: Kaitlyn Grace - Just simply giving Katie a full name to fall back on, I think her name is beautiful though.

Jackson Ezekiel: Jacob Ezra - This name is fine, but I think Jacob Ezra has a better ring to it with the same feel.

Warden Justice:  Wyatt Jonah - This name sounds a lot like a required future in law, and I think Wyatt Jonah keeps the vibe with a nicer name.

Isaiah Courage: Isaiah Charley - This name is fine, but I think Charley flows better than Courage

Addallee Hope:  Adalaide Hope - Addallee is a more out there name that is beautiful, but I think Adalaide flows better with Hope

Ellie Bridget: Eleanor Bridget - Giving Ellie a full name that is stunning and will allow her to grow with it

Callie-Anna Rose: Callie-Anna Rose - I think this is a pretty name and the Bates captured her energy in her name

Judson Wyatt: Jordan Walter - I think Judson is a cute name, but it is a little odd, Jordan is nicer. Walter flows better with Jordan than Wyatt.

Jeb Colton: Eli Colton - An adorable name that blends well with Colton, I think it gives Jeb a fuller name

Final Names: Zach, Miriam, Erin, Landon, Nathan, Alyssa, Victorie, Warren, Carlin, Josie, Kaitlyn, Jacob, Wyatt, Isaiah, Adalaide, Eleanor, Callie-Anna, Jordan, Eli

I had a ton of fun making this and hope you all enjoyed! I can not wait to do the GrandBates tomorrow!

-fundienames

[sebeth]

Crisis On Infinite Earths #3

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

  The Monitor conducts tests on the child of Earth-3 Alexander Luthor and Lois Lane Luthor.  He discovers the child consists of positive and negative matter consisting in one form: “For you somehow bridge this universe and the universe which threatens to swallow us all.”

Harbinger and Psycho-Pirate meet with their mysterious master.  He orders the death of the Luthor child.

Earth-1, the future: I’m guessing it’s the 25th or 3oth century.  I can’t remember which one Iris was born in.  Yes, Iris Allen was from the future.  The Tornado Twins (Barry & Iris’s children) fought with the Legion of Super-Heroes (30th century) but I have the 25th century stuck in my head.  Flash (Barry) is racing around the massive destruction of Central City due to fierce storms and volcanic activity.  Flash notes he’s lived in the future for “a moth” so it has been a month since his mysterious disappearance in the 20th century. Barry attempts to escape the incoming anti-matter wave.

Earth-1, New York City, July 1985: The Teen Titans and the Outsiders are assisting in search and rescue efforts.  Superman saves Donna Troy from a collapsing building.  Batman also arrives on the scene.  Katana wonders why she’s even here: “What use is my sword against a threat like this?”  Nightwing’s response: “Maybe none, Katana…but we need you!”  Katana’s thoughts are what every low-powered hero thinks in situations like these.

Starfire wants an all-out offense: “We attack!  We fight…do whatever we can…and we destroy whoever’s doing this to us! My world was conquered…I’ll not let that happen to this planet, too. You can’t understand. I won’t let this planet die!”

Superman sympathizes: “Believe me, Starfire, I understand all too well.”

Flash appears before the assembled heroes: “Oh my god…my god…I tried warning you…Help me…Hel…”  Flash vanishes again.  At this point in the series, readers should have realized this Crisis was not going to end well for Barry.

Old-school Brainiac in the classic robot-head tentacle ship!  Location:  Space, far beyond our solar system.  Brainiac observes the expanding anti-matter destruction and comes to a startling observation: “To save myself is my Prime Directive.  But to do that, I must also save the universe.  I need assistance…on Earth!  Only the one who calls himself Luthor can help me now!”  

Help me, Lex Luthor, you’re my only hope?!

Late Spring 1994, Markovia, Europe:  DC’s war heroes are battling the Nazis for control of the Monitor’s machine.  Roll Call:  Jeb Stuart and the Haunted Tank, the Losers, Sgt. Rock and the Easy Company.

General Stuart’s ghost warns Jeb: “The world is filled with winners and losers, but often time even losers win. This day, however, small Losers lose and never be seen again.

The World War II era of Pre-Crisis DC was packed to the brim with characters.  You had, among others, the Justice Society, the Freedom Fighters, the Seven Soldiers of Victory, the All-Star Squadron, the Blackhawks, the Losers, the Haunted Tank, the Easy Company, the Losers, O.S.S., Madame Marie, the corresponding villains, etc. A very fun era for DC.

Geo-Force, Dr. Polaris, and Blue Beetle arrive on the scene.  Blue Beetle is focused on the mission while Geo-Force and Dr. Polaris are determined to massacre the Nazis.  In Geo- Force’s defense, Markovia is his home country.  Dr. Polaris simply thinks it’s fun.

“My home country lies below. The Nazis slaughtered my people. Perhaps now I can pay them back!” – Go Brion, go!

Shadow Demon attack!

The Losers and most of Easy Company become victims of the Shadow Demons.  Rest in peace, guys.

Blue Beetle discovers that the Scarab given to him by Dan Garrett destroys the shadow demons. Unfortunately, Ted nearly falls to his death before being sent home by the Monitor.  A wounded Solovar is also sent home.  Not quite sure about the Monitor’s logic.  You discover that the Scarab can destroy the shadow demons but Ted falls so you bench him?  Are you sure you’re trying to win?

1879:  Coyote, Texas.  The Wild West.  DC’s Western heroes are investigating the Monitor’s Machine.  Roll Call:  Bat Lash, Scalphunter, Jonah Hex, Johnny Thunder, and Nighthawk.   Is this an all-boys club?  Where’s Cinnamon?  

Cyborg, Psimon, Firebrand, and Green Lantern (John Stewart).  Needless to say, the heroes’ appearance freaks the cowboys out.  Jonah Hex calms the group down as he has met Hal Jordan: “Don’t ya remember the green costume on that hombre? It’s the same one we saw on another guy who called himself a Lantern or something.”

Bat Lash waits all of five seconds before hitting on Firebrand.  He has no chance as Firebrand is more into knights than cowboys. Shadow Demon attack!  John’s power ring mysteriously fails.  Nighthawk and Coyote, Texas, are wiped out in an anti-matter wave.

Metropolis, the 30th Century.  Cosmic Boy, Wildfire, Lightning Lass, and Sun Boy fail to stop the spread of the anti-matter wave.

Dream Girl is puzzled about why she had no premonitions about this crisis: “What I don’t understand is why didn’t I dream of it’s coming? How did this happen without my knowing about it?”

Element Lad, Mon-El, and Kid Psycho are evacuating England. Kid Psycho dies due to a combination of a collapsing building and the spreading wave of anti-matter wave.

The Monitor wails: “Instead of days only hours remain. The Earths are doomed!”

Harbinger confronts the Monitor: “It is time for you to die!”

The art of George Perez is gorgeous, as usual. Marv Wolman continues to juggle a huge cast and nails it every time.

Three issues in and the deaths have begun in earnest:

The Crime Syndicate

Earth-3 Alexander and Lois Luthor

The Losers

Easy Company

Nighthawk

Kid Psycho

[ghostomelon]

Tags: J

Jack Black

Jackie

Jacksepticeye

Jake Gyllenhaal

January

Jared Leto

Jaws

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jeb Bush

Jeff Bezos

Jeff Goldblum

Jeff the Killer

Jenny Slate

Jersey Shore

Jimmy Neutron

Joe Biden

John Cena

John Mulaney

Johnny Bravo

Johnny Test

Johnny the Homicidal Maniac

Joker

Jonah Hill

JonTron

The Joy of Painting

Julius Caesar

July

June

Jurassic Park

Jurassic World

Justin Roiland

[back]

[drantlers]

Jonah Hex was born to Woodson and Virginia Hex. Woodson Hex was a comic book father, meaning he was either a saint, abusive, or dead. Woodson Hex I as all in on abusive. We’re talking 1800s abusive, where beating your kids and teaching them to murder wasn’t even considered problematic yet. This alcoholic did the staples of violence, insults, malnourishment, and spousal abuse. A true archetypal bad dad. A sort of 1800s Deathstroke.

13 year old Jonah Hex was sold to an Apache tribe in 1851. The wiki indicates that Woodson did this to get safe passage for him and his wife, a transaction so wild that I’m not even sure how to research the plausibility of it. Jonah was worked as a slave for two years. At the age of 15 he saved the chief from a Puma. Apparently the chief then adopted Jonah as a son for the comically short period of less than a year. See, Jonah’s new half-brother Noh-Tante fucking hated Jonah Hex. Partly because he and Jonah were rivals for the affection of a girl named White Fawn, partly because Jonah Hex has never passed a vibe check in his entire life.

During a manhood ritual, Noh Tante betrays Jonah Hex, leaving him for dead with an enemy tribe, the Kiowa. I have no clue how much research the writers did when writing this, but as these comics were written in the 60s and 70s I’m going to assume somewhere between none and not much. I have also not done much research beyond comic synopsis though, so maybe I’m the problem.

Jonah’s imminent death is interrupted by racism, as some white people show up to commit genocide. Jonah, being surprisingly nice for the universes punching bag, tries to stop them from shooting the Kiowa people by getting in the way of the bullets. The white people shoot him in the stomach.

Jonah Hex, left bleeding in the forest, is rescued by a woodland trapper who presumably mistook him for food. After getting patched up, Jonah tries to head back to the Apache tribe only to find that they packed up and left. It is at this point that Jonah Hex heads out to find a job. This is how he ends up joining the confederate army.

Jonah does well for himself in the army, rising through the ranks until… okay this next part is kind of wild so stick with me on this one. Once he’s risen to the rank of lieutenant, he discovers the reason the conflict started; the emancipation proclamation. He just didn’t know about it until now. Jonah, being a former slave, has very strong feelings on slavery(he considers it bad), and so he surrenders himself to the Union. He accepts any punishment they give him for fighting with the racists, but refuses to give up his former comrades because his friend Jeb Turnbull seemed cool for a racist or something. This is a moot point; they check the clay on his horses hooves and capture all of his former comrades anyway.

This next parts a little confusing to me, possibly because I’m not up on my US Civil War History and how they did POW stuff back then. Okay so the Confederate prisoners come up with a plan to escape using a conspicuously placed huge ass tunnel underneath the prison. This however is a trap, and they all die except for Jonah, who manages to escape somehow. The confederacy brands Jonah Hex a turncoat and a traitor. The confederacy only exists for like a few years or so from that point though so that’s kind of like getting blacklisted from a high school discord group.

Jonah returns to his village. Yes the one he couldn’t find before. No I’m not sure what changed. Noh-Tante and White Fawn are now married. Jonah accuses Noh-Tante of betraying him. The tribe doesn’t believe Jonah, which makes sense. He looks like Owen Wilson and accidentally joined the war on slavery on the side of the slavery. He’s either racist or an idiot.

Being indigenous people in a comic book, they decide the best way to settle this matter is via tomahawk fight. Noh-Tante, being a dick, tampers with Jonah’s Tomahawk before the fight. When the head of the weapon snaps off, Jonah, being as previously discussed kind of a dipshit, does not back away and ask for another tomahawk or something. Instead, he pulls a knife from his boot and stabs Noh-Tante, killing him.

The chief, furious over the loss of his son and seeing that Jonah has cheated by using a knife decides Jonah must be punished, but I guess he thought the knife thing was kind of sick so the punishment is not execution. Instead he heats up a tomahawk and places it against Jonah’s face, branding him with the Mark of the Demon. This is why Jonah’s face looks like that.

Jonah Hex. He has lost the only homes he has ever known. Hated by the tribe that raised him. Considered a traitor by the Confederacy that he has come to hate (yes he continues to wear the uniform. No I don’t know why. Yes it exclusively causes problems for him.). Not trusted by the Union. Face looks like melted cheese.

Standing around in some town drunk off his ass, Jonah sees some guy beating his wife. Jonah, having nothing to lose, shoots that guy dead. Jonah Hex, 1800s Feminist. The towns deputy sees this, and compliments Hex on “the fastest draw he’s ever seen” and giving him the massive bounty that the man, Mad Dog Lucas McGill, had on his head. Having been provided the first positive reinforcements of his life, Jonah Hex decides to become a bounty hunter.

Jonah Hex. He has a face like Freddy Krueger’s shoes and he dresses like a racist. He’s a bounty hunter with no super powers or magic that has been king ponged around the time stream and has shot Superman. He gets listed among superheroes. His taxidermy corpse is kept in a cowboy circus.

Having recently discovered a love for his fairly new (2019, created for what by most accounts seems to be a mediocre Young Justice comic) great great granddaughter Jinny Hex, I realized I didn’t know much about Jonah Hex beyond cowboy, scar, bad movie, and awesome cameos. So I started researching.

This characters story is batshit crazy.