#jerome squalor

[the-nonsense-is-mine]

esmé throws such a big fuss about her ranking as a financial advisor because she would have ranked higher if jerome had signed her on as his financial advisor instead of proposing

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

asoue + tumblr

[beatricebidelaire]

anyway i’m still thinking about this

lucy punch:

tony hale:

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

3am

Me: *Insomnia*

Intrusive thoughts: So, Netflix Charles was definitely a switch forced to live as bottom that transitioned into a switch forced to live as a top because, in spite of previously being in a heterosexual marriage, Jerome has never topped anything but an ice cream Sunday.

Me: *sighs* I have to post that because of the phrase "never topped anything but an ice cream Sunday" now, don't I?

[snicketverse-fic-finder]

ASOUE characters: How popular are they on Ao3?✨📚😎😮🫢

No.of fics with each character in them

Baudelaires:

Beatrice: 417

Bertrand: 257

🔧Violet: 977 🏆

📚Klaus: 822

🍳 Sunny: 662

👶 Beatrice II: 192

Quagmires:

Mrs Quagmire: 34

Mr Quagmire: 28

🖋️Isadora: 369 🏆

🗞️ Duncan: 367

🗺️ Quigley: 332 (Surprising tbh, I thought he’d win out of the triplets at least)

Widdershins:

⚓️Captain Widdershins: 40

🍄 Fiona: 114

🪝 Fernald: 166 🏆

Olaf+his troupe:

🎭 Count Olaf: 722 🏆

🍸 Esmé Squalor: 379

Woman with hair but no beard: 30

Man with beard but no hair: 25

👓 Georgina Orwell: 143

Henchperson of indeterminate gender: 84

Bald man: 57

White-faced women: 56 (just mildly less popular than the bald man yet there’s TWO of them- that’s gotta blow 😔-)

🎪[The Freaks] 🎪

Kevin: 14 🏅

Hugo: 13

Collette: 12

Denouements:

Frank: 76

Ernest: 92

🦄: 102 🏆

Snickets: (Take this with a grain of salt bc they have a whole other series -ATWQ- going for them)

Jaques: 347

Kit: 410

Lemony: 536 🏆

Guardians+the likes:

🏦 Mr Poe: 104

🗞️ Eleanora Poe: 14

📰 Polly Poe: 1

🐑 Edgar Poe: 10

💰 Albert Poe: 6 (Why is Edgar more popular??)

🐍Uncle Monty: 114

🐍 Ink/The Incredibly Deadly Viper: 8

🪟 Aunt Josephine: 72

Ike Anwhistle: 26

[🚬 Sir: 30

Charles: 54

👓 Georgina Orwell: 143 🏅

😃 Phil: 10 ]

[🎻Vice Principal Nero: 37 (That’s less than the bald man who has maybe 3 lines total, take that!)

Mrs Bass: 4 (Damn.)

Ms. Tench: 2 (Double damn)

Mr Remora: 3

📚 Olivia Caliban: 237 🏅]

🍸 Jerome Squalor: 104

(✨Esmé Squalor: 379 but I put her in the Olaf’s troupe section. This is just for quick comparison to Jerome. Poor guy. Ish. I don’t actually feel that bad for him tbh.)

🦅 The Council of Elders: 4

🎈 Hector: 48

Hal: 8

Babs: 9

Phil: 10

[🍎 Ishmael: 17

🐟 Miranda Caliban: 8

🕶️ Friday Caliban: 26 🏅

🚢 Thursday: 5 ]

Miscellaneous VFD members:

😎 Jacquelyn Scieszka: 172 🏆

🎥 Gustav Sebald: 78

🐟 Larry Your-Waiter: 85

👑 Duchess R of Winnipeg: 61 or 64 (3 are under ‘Duchess R’

Uncategorised:

Ben: 4

🚲 The Paperboy: 3

💃 Carmelita Spats: 149

Top 3:

1~ Violet Baudelaire! 🔧💜 (977 fics on Ao3 are tagged ‘Violet Baudelaire’! 🎉)

2~Klaus Baudelaire!!📚💙(822 fics!)

3~ Count Olaf! 👁️ 😈 (722 fics!)

Loser:

Polly Poe (with a disappointing 1 fic!😱)

[drowninginredink]

Jerome Squalor/Jacques Snicket // Untitled poem by jjbang8

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ASOUE Characters (The Adults)

And the Beatles Songs I Can't Help But Associate Them With

Lemony Snicket, In My Life (~All these places had their moments/With lovers and friends, I still can recall/Some are dead and some are living/In my life, I've loved them all~)

Beatrice Baudelaire, Golden Slumbers (~Golden slumbers fill your eyes/Smiles await you when you rise/Sleep pretty darling do not cry/And I will a lullaby~)

Bertrand Baudelaire, All My Loving (~All my loving, I will send to you/All my loving/Darling, I'll be true/All my loving/All my loving, Ooh/All my loving, I will send to you~)

Count Olaf, Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) (~I once had a girl/Or should I say she once had me/She showed me her room/Isn't it good Norwegian Wood?~) + (~And when I awoke I was alone/This bird had flown/So I lit a fire/Isn't it good Norwegian wood?~)

Esme Squalor, Girl, being the Girl in question, not the 'singer'* (~She's the kind of girl who puts you down/When friends are there/You feel a fool/When you say she's looking good/She acts as if it's understood~)

*The 'singer' of 'Girl' is Jerome Squalor, who has strong feelings of his former marriage with Esme, more bad than good

Jacques Snicket, While My Guitar Gentle Weeps (~I look at the world and I notice it's turning/While my guitar gently weeps/With every mistake we must surely be learning/Still my guitar gently weeps~)

Kit Snicket, Help* [~When I was younger so much younger than today/I never needed anybody's help in any way/(Now) But now these are gone (These days are gone)/I'm not so self assured/(And now I find) Now I've changed my mind/And opened up the doors~]

*Despite the upbeat tone, the lyrics really do fit Kit

Dewey Denouement, A Day in the Life (~I read the news today, oh boy/About a lucky man who made the grade/And though the news was rather sad/Well, I just had to laugh/I saw the photograph~) + (~A crowd of people stood and stared/They'd seen his face before/Nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords~)

Ernest Denouement, Carry That Weight (~Boy, you're gonna carry that weight/Carry that weight a long time/Boy, you're gonna carry that weight/Carry that weight a long time~)

Frank Denouement, You Never Gave Me Your Money (~You never give your money/You only give me your funny paper/And in the middle of negotiations/You break down~)

[petewentzsvaginabones]

happy pride month to them and no one else.

[the-nonsense-is-mine]

nothing will ever make me angrier than Netflix taking Jacques and Jerome, with their incredibly compelling and thematically important relationship that is never explored in the ASOUE books because it's already over and it's the recollection of it that deeply affects and reveals their characters, putting them in the same room in the same conversation in TEE part 2 and not even acknowledging that they know each other

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

asoue + tumblr

[beatricebidelaire]

instead of “i don’t fear you or your polycule” it’s “i’m scared of you and your polycule please do not recruit me if there’s a noise out there no there isn’t” and it’s jerome to beatrice & jacques about vfd

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Queerplatonic

What if... that was Jerome and Esmé's relationship?

Everyone had been asking Jerome all his life when he would get married.

At times he just wanted to find the first best person and just call it a day.

One day, he was sitting at the corner of a party, when he heard a voice.

"All my life people have been asking me to get married to someone! Ugh! I just want to get it over with and marry the first best person I see!"

Jerome gasped. "I feel the same way!"

The voice turned around. It was a woman, who now was scanning him up and down. "And you are...?"

"Jerome! Jerome Squalor."

"I'm Esmé. Pleasure to meet you."

Jerome and Esmé talked for hours. They seemed to have a lot in common.

A lot in common, meaning they both were tired of people pushing them into a relationship.

"Tell me," Esmé said, "If you got married, what would you do?"

Jerome shrugged. "I don't think we need to... you know, be all lovey dovey. I think we could just have our own spaces and when we spend time, we do things that friends also do. Like having a shrimp eating contest and dance schottische."

Esmé smiled. "I... like that a lot. Like friends, but... more official."

"Exactly!"

"Tell me, Jerome... we haven't known each other for long. But I have a suggestion that might solve all our problems..."

[a-series-of-fluff-events]

Side-blog for Lemony Snicket's ASOUE (will add the other books when I read them, which is hopefully soon), centring on giving our characters a well-deserved happy ending.

Maybe angst, maybe not, but I'm going to make the Baudelaire children happy, along with a few AUs, memes and Headcanons!

Btw, Free Palestine.