#jimkirkangst

[kaitymccoy123]

Lost Days (p.t. 6)

Intro: Nearing the end, my lovelies!  Once again requested by @missmle712 - the reason for all this angst.  :)

Pairing: Jim x reader

Word Count: 2400 ish

Warnings: blood, angst, potential claustrophobia trigger.

Summary: Don’t really want to spoil anything?  Who gets shot?  Do the reader and Jim reunite?  Who knows?

-Enjoy!-

You'd thought for a second that you'd been shot.  

And it was only when you saw Jim stagger backwards a few steps, his hand flying to his chest, that you knew you were wrong.  

A flash of red beneath his fingers.  

He sunk to his knees.

No.

"Jim!" You screamed and were surprised to find yourself free to run forward to him, you would have thought Eve would have restrained you. 

"No, no, no, no,no ." You cried, quickly kneeling next to Jim, taking his head in your hands.  

"I..." He struggled and you helped lower him to the floor when he swayed towards you. 

"Jay, no." You slid your hands onto his chest, moving his hands to press on the red stain that was ever-spreading.  

The wound was just right of his sternum, and every ragged breath that Jim took made more blood spill out.  Tears streamed down your cheeks now and you looked to Jim's face, his skin growing ever grey, his eyebrows furrowed in pain, and his mouth opening and closing as he tried to get a good breath. 

"I can't... Y/N... I can't breathe." Jim rasped and you leaned closer to his face, his eyes meeting yours, the colour now dull compared to the crystal colour which they usually were. 

"I know, Jay, I know." You cried, leaning in and pressing your cheek to his.  "I know, just try for me.  You have to live.  For me." 

"Alright, that's enough." A different voice made your head snap up.  

Eve.  You had forgotten she was even there.  

Suddenly you were being dragged to your feet again, away from Jim, two sets of large hands encircling your biceps easily.  You kicked out, screaming Jim's name as you were pulled away, your veins full of heat and anger and anguish as you stared down at Jim's prone form, the blood stain now spreading onto the floor. 

"JIM!  NO!  JIM!" You screamed over and over, but the hands on your arms never faltered.  

"Now you know." You barely registered Eve's form appearing in front of you. 

You gasped for breath as you continued to kick and cry out for Jim. 

"Now you know what it is like to have your heart be ripped out in front of you." Eve's voice was calm in the raging storm of your emotions, and it only made you more angry. 

"LET ME GO!  I NEED TO SAVE HIM!  LET ME GO!" You wailed. 

"I've had enough.  Drug her so we can throw her in the shuttle." Eve said, her dark ponytail swishing as she turned and walked to the elevators.  

You barely had time to let Jim's name leave your lips one more time before the world went black. 

You woke up in a world of pain.  Spots shimmered before your eyes as you peeled your head off of the back of the seat you were in.  You swallowed thickly, your tongue feeling impossibly large in your mouth.  Your head slumped forward onto your chest and it took all of your power to lift it again.

You focused all of your energy on making your vision stop being blurry and you finally saw what was in front of you.  

Space.

Endless amounts of black, peppered with white speckled stars.  

Looking around, you realized that you were in a shuttle, a pod of some sort, and you were buckled into the seat.  The interior was small, the glass window in front of you inches from your face, and you were hurtling through space, the control panel below the window blinking away, showing your trajectory and speed.  

Your head flopped forward again and your hands came into your view.  They were red.  Stained red up to your wrists, but with what?  

That's when the memories of what had just happened hit you.  The red was blood.  Jim's blood.  Jim lying on the floor of the office, bleeding to death.  You being hauled away. Eve's cool, indifferent glare on yours.   

Jim. 

The memory of his graying skin, the light leaving his eyes made your heart rate jump suddenly and you found yourself heaving for breath.  

Memory after memory flowed over you, new ones that you hadn't seen before when you were back in the office.  You cried out as they split your brain apart, as everything you had lost came back to you. The amount of love you felt for Jim bored holes in your heart and tore at your insides because you had forgotten.  You had forgotten him.  The man that had your heart.  You had forgotten. 

Suddenly the inside of the ship was too small.  The window in front of you was too close to your face. The walls narrowing in on you.  

Panic sank into your veins and you lashed out, beating at the walls and window with your fists, bloodying them, now with your own blood.  Screaming for someone to get you out of here. Screaming for Jim.  Screaming for all you lost.

Your throat was sore and raw when exhaustion finally hit you and you slumped back into your chair, utterly empty.  Your limbs were heavy and hollow, and you couldn't find the energy to even wipe the blood off your hands.  

The memories still grated against your mind.  Scraped against the back of your eyes, revealing themselves one after another.  They were raw and ragged as they tried to fit themselves into the timeline of the last few years.  

The problem wasn't that the memories didn't make sense or that they overwhelmed you, no.

It was that you remembered not remembering.  You remember the emptiness that was your mind over the last three years.  How you knew nothing of Jim. Didn't try to escape or find him.  You had lost days, months, and years with him.   

Hot tears dripped down your face for these lost moments.  You gulped back sob after sob as grief wracked your body. 

At some point you must have fallen asleep, because you had to heave your sticky eyelids open when you heard the fuzz of a com connection.  

"Hello?" A voice suddenly sounded, the connection unsecured and spotty, but it was a connection none-the-less. 

You couldn't get your mouth to move to form words at the sudden surge of hope that exploded within you. 

"Anyone there?" The voice on the other end had a distinct accent to it, and sounded vaguely familiar. 

"Y-yes, I'm here." You suddenly heard your own voice, hoarse and ragged from your screaming fit. 

"Ah!  There is a connection, I was worried for a moment that we didn't get it." The accent was now easily identifiable as Scottish, and you were suddenly able to place the voice. 

"Scotty?" You breathed, fresh tears perking on your eyelids. 

"Lass, we've got you, now just give me a few minutes and we can beam you up- aGH!" Scotty was cut off at the end, and you found a smile on your mouth at the prospect of being rescued. 

"Y/N?" A new voice sounded.  Leonard. 

"Len?" You called, tears slipping down your face now at the familiar friend. 

"I... you remember?  Oh thank god!  I was beginning to think your amnesia wasn't going to pass." Leonard sounded relieved from the other side of the com. 

A sudden strike of panic laced through you again as you remembered your reason for being on this shuttle, "Jim?  Len, where's Jim?"

"He's..." Leonard started but sounded like he was shoved out of the way. 

"Lassie, we are locked onto your signal.  Ready to come home?" Scotty's cheery voice now took over the com. 

You let out a shaky breath, "Yeah, Scotty.  Beam me up."

After a familiar tug at your belly you were suddenly standing on the hard surface of the transporter room.  You looked around nervously, your knees weak after being seated in that cramped shuttle for so long, but somehow you stayed standing.  You were back.  You were home.   

Relief flooded over you and you gasped in jagged and labourous breaths.  

"Glad to have you back with us, Lassie." You heard a scottish accent drawl, recognizing the voice instantly as Scotty's and you looked up to see his smiling face appear over the transporter console.  

"Where's...?" you began to ask when a strikingly familiar voice sounded .

"Y/N?"  The voice belonged to a blue-eyed, blond form that appeared at the foot of the transporter pad.  

"Jay?" You breathed and looked into his eyes, tears now streaming down your face as overwhelming emotion overtook you. 

You barely had time to breathe before you were wrapped into his strong arms, Jim squeezing you into a desperate and shaky hug. You wrapped your arms back around him and crushed your face into his chest, soaking his jacket in your tears.  

He was saying your name over and over, one of his hands gripping your waist, the other pressed into the back of your head.  His face was pressed against your temple and you felt your knees give out beneath you, and you sunk to the floor, still wrapped in Jim's embrace.  

You sobbed into him and you could hear him crying too, out of relief and sadness and finally being safe.  

Only when you began trembling violently and leaning into Jim more did you feel him falter beneath you.  You brought your head up to look at him but were caught with a stabbing dizziness, probably from all the blows to your head.  Jim tried to support you but you heard him hiss in pain.  

Suddenly another set of hands pulled you from behind, "Jim, I can take her from here, she needs to go to the medbay." You recognized the voice as Leonard's and you let him pull you away from Jim, your vision spinning wildly as he lifted you up into his arms, "Jim, you should come too, your wound has started to bleed again." 

This caused you to open your eyes and through the black spots and stars you saw a red stain spreading over Jim's shirt.  He had been shot.  How had you forgotten? 

"Jay..." You croaked and reached for him but Leonard held you back.  

"He's alright, darlin', I patched him up myself, but he should be resting in bed." Leonard's voice rumbled against your ear as your head flopped against his chest. 

You felt the sway of his steps beneath you as he began walking back to the medbay, the sound of Jim's footfalls close behind, but you couldn't see him. 

"How long was I in that shuttle?" You asked, assuming it was longer than you thought if Leonard had time to save Jim's life and Jim be well enough to get out of bed. 

"About three days." Leonard breathed, his voice laced with concern, "You probably haven't had any food or water since then either, but don't worry, I'll get you all healed up."

Three days?  Another three days you couldn't remember.  You felt yourself stiffen in panic and Leonard's grip on you got tighter.  

"Just relax for me, darlin'." He chided, and you let a few tears out before sinking back into his arms. 

"Thank you, Leonard." You whispered into his chest, and he only hummed in response as you had reached the medbay, your vision going spotty all of a sudden before you felt the world spin and you dove into a vat of darkness.  

When you woke up, you had the biggest headache you could ever imagine. You squinted your eyes against the bright lights of the patient room and lifted your head, which elicited another sharp stab of pain.  

A feeling of disappointment settled over you when you didn't see Jim by your bedside.  

"I told him to go home and rest." A deep voice sounded from above you and to the left.  

It was Leonard. 

"He was by your bedside for 72 hours straight.  So I told him to go back to his quarters and rest, I can send for him if you want." His hazel eyes were calm as you met them and you let out a breath that you didn't realize you'd been holding. 

You shook your head lightly in response, "No, I think I want to see him when I feel better.  When I am able to process this all better."

Leonard smiled down at you knowingly, "Alright.  You feeling okay?  How's your head feeling?"

"Like I've been hit in the head repeatedly with a gun and been deprived of food and water for three days." You responded with a smile. 

Leonard chuckled softly, "It's good to have you back, Y/N."

You nodded, unable to form words around the lump in your throat.  But this time you didn't cry.  You were left on the biobed as Leonard left, feeling the safest you had ever felt in the past few days, and you couldn't bring yourself to feel happy. 

Everything was different now.  Everything had changed.  How were you going to fit back in your old life when it had gone on without you for three years? Were you supposed to just jump back in with both feet?  It sure seemed that way.  And that scared the crap out of you.  

A few minutes later, Leonard came back in, a gentle look on his face, "Jim's here, do you want to see him?"

A rush of emotions hit you.  Panic, anxiety, desperation, sadness, excitement, and longing all swept over you at once at the thought of seeing Jim and you couldn't handle it.  You heard your heart rate spike on the monitor and Leonard walked over, his gaze concerned as he looked at the screen and then back at you, his question still hanging in the air. 

Your voice was hoarse and ragged as you forced yourself to form words,"No, Len, I... I think I just need a little more time."

Leonard just nodded, looked at the screen one more time, turned and left, closing the door behind him. 

And you were alone again.  

You knew you were going to have to face Jim eventually, but didn't want to be lying on a bed, your vital signs displayed for all to see, showing your inner emotions.  

So you sat alone, only you and your memories, trying to figure out how things were going to go back to normal.  Or what normal really was.  

You tried to capture the years that had gone missing, tried to fathom all time you had spent apart from Jim.  All the moments you weren't going to get back. 

All the days you had lost.  

How were you going to get them back?

-Thanks for Reading!  I hope you liked it!-

Tags:  @sistasarah-sallysaidso, @starr-trekkk, @mad4oak, @thebassoonerthebabetter, @cocosierra94, @mccoymostly, @mollyxpocket, @digitalmoonhowell, @cookieoffortune, @thundergirl007, @yourtropegirl, @missmle712, @wonders-of-the-enterprise, @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian, @starmission, @anyakinamidala, @vronwymorgan@highfunctioningfannibal, @dudahmautner, @the-witching-hours12-3, @newhappiness430 @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @arrowsshootyouforwards @enterprisewriting @rampant-salamander @thedragonsaunt @emmkolenn @amoretheiwa @bridgetlemonade @cinema212

Let me know if you want to be tagged!  Probably only 1 more part left!

[kaitymccoy123]

Lost Days (p.t. 5)

Intro: Once again this idea comes from the lovely @missmle712.  

Sorry it is so late (at least for me) I have read it over a million times and just spent the last hour looking for gifs for the middle part (you’ll see).  The words are all blurring together now so I hope it’s alright!

Pairing: Jim x reader

Word Count: 3200 ish

Summary:I left you guys on a cliffhanger last time (mua haha).  This one has some angst and explanations.  

Intro Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

-Enjoy!-

"E-Eve?" You stuttered, staring into the barrel of the gun, "What are you doing?"

"I am finishing what I started." Eve stated, her cool gaze sending shivers down your spine.  

You stood frozen in fear for a moment, unable to do anything but stare at her. Her dark hair contrasted against the grey sky that shone through the window behind her.  Her dark suit jacket and skirt, sharp and fitted, making her look intimidating and fierce.  And the gun in her hand made her deadly. 

"Started what?" You questioned, keeping your hands as steady as you could at your sides.  

"Oh right, you can't remember." She spat, the gun swinging as she gestured with her hands, making you flinch.  

"Eve.  I don't know what you are talking about." You explained, keeping your voice neutral, "Now if you put the gun away, we can talk about whatever you think I did."

Eve's mouth stretched into an evil grin, her voice syrupy and stingingly-sweet, "You would like that, wouldn't you?  But I'm not letting you get away again.  You're mine."

You looked at her, dumbfounded.  Unable to form words at the sudden assault. Trying desperately to recall what she was talking about.  The only thing you could bring back to your memory was the sight of freshly-spilled blood.  A man in a blue shirt knelt over a prone form.  Your insistence that he stop his actions, that you get out of there.  The unsafe-ness of the whole situation.

"Haven." The word slipped off your lips with the faint memories. 

Eve smiled at you now, her eye sparkling terrifyingly, "Yes.  The planet you visited.  Where you were to save the inhabitants from a rampage lizard-monster.  Where the lizard-monster had already attacked a young man and his family.  Where you told Dr. McCoy to stop performing CPR on that same man. Where you left him behind in favour of heading back to the Enterprise."

The images were starting to form in your mind now, the details filling themselves in.  

"I didn't... The monster..." You searched, trying to remember what happened next. 

"The man you left back there." Eve began, her face losing all emotion,"He died, not in the jaws of the lizard-monster, no, he died because you forced Dr. McCoy to leave him behind.  To take the woman that had not been attacked and go back to the ship.  Even though she begged you to go back for him.  It was you that said no."

A tear swam down your face now, understanding rushing through you, "It was your fiancé.  The woman we rescued... Oh my god.  That was you."

Eve started laughing now, low and sinister, and you gawked at her, at this whole crazy situation, at the memory that had just returned to you.  

"Eve.  I am so sorry." You gasped, your shaking hands now finding your hair, disregarding the gun pointed at you for a moment, "I don't... I didn't remember."

"Of course you didn't." Eve spat, "Because it was just another mission for you.  Just another day.  I LOST EVERYTHING THAT DAY!"

The words she screamed echoed against the empty walls and you flinched, your eyes on her shaking finger that hovered around the trigger.  

"I lost everything and you just laughed.  Laughed at my pain.  Laughed as the love of my life bled to death on the floor of his family home.  You got to go home in the evening with your boyfriend.  You hugged him, kissed him and went on with your day.  You were happy.  You made it out alive.  You didn't care about anyone else." Eve snarled, bringing you in the sights of the gun again. 

You threw your hands up now, trying to recall the events that occurred after the mission, but it was all fuzzy.  Her dark eyes bored into yours and you felt a shiver of fear slide down your spine.  

"Is that why you're going to kill me?  For revenge?" You croaked, trying to make sense of the situation. 

"Oh you silly girl.  That's why I wanted to kill you the first time.  I was angry, incoherently so, but now I see clearer, now I have a plan." Eve sneered, stepping closer to you, and fear kept you locked in place. 

"Kill me the first time?" The words left your mouth, and you dreaded the answer.  

"Ah, yes.  A few weeks after you murdered my fiancé, I heard talk of you going on another mission.  So I plotted, sneaking into the shuttle bay after hours, tampering with things that I knew nothing about. And then I waited." Every word felt like a blow to your heart.  

There was a shuttle crash? And you had died? You couldn't remember anything about either.  

"Y-you tried to kill me?" You sputtered, swallowing down the lump that was forming in your throat. 

"Well obviously I didn't do a good enough job." Eve rolled her eyes and closed the distance between you and her, pressing the cool metal of the gun under your chin, "I didn't realize the aliens of the planet you crashed on had such sophisticated medical technology.  So they saved you.  I paid them to keep you on the planet but somehow you got free.  And now you're here."

Adrenaline flooded through your veins and tears pressed at your eyes.  Panic was setting in and it was all you could do not to scream or curl up in the fetal position.  Instead you brought your eyes to hers.  

"So why haven't you shot me yet?" You voiced, trying to keep yourself from showing fear, "if you want revenge so bad, why haven't you shot me yet?"

Eve gave you a sickeningly evil grin and her eyes flicked to something over your shoulder.  

"Because.  I want him."

Jim:

I only started to panic when I stepped out onto the streets, having tried calling your com a million times.  I called Eve's com and she didn't answer either.  

I searched the crowds for a minute before I received a message.  

Leighner Tower.  24th floor. 

There was no sender and I probably should have hesitated, set a plan in place, and I heard Bones' voice in my head.  To think this through.

But I couldn't.  It was you.  I couldn't hesitate.  

Fear and adrenaline rushed through me as I took the what seemed like never-ending elevator ride to the 24th floor.  

As the elevator car shot upwards, the day of your death flashed through my mind.   It was just another day.  Just another away mission and you were so exited to go.  I didn't even say a proper goodbye.  Just a light kiss and a hug and you were off, smiling and skipping all the way to the shuttle bay.  

If I had known what was going to happen next, how it was going to feel watching your shuttle malfunction, how I screamed at Scotty to fix it, to get you back up, I would have made my goodbye more meaningful.  I would have held you close and whispered how much I loved you, over and over, kissing you softly and deeply so you knew how deep the feelings I had for you ran.  

But I didn't.  And I have regretted that moment for the past three years.  And now you, being here, seeing you again, it made me think I might get a second chance.  A second chance to tell you how much I love you, to kiss you again.  It killed me how much I wanted that.  

No matter what was at the end of this elevator ride I was getting you back.  I had to.  

But I was not expecting the sight in front of me as the doors slid open, revealing the empty, dusty office space..  

I took in the scene in pieces before I put the whole picture together.  A gun. The fear in your eyes as you turned to look at me.  Eve's arm coming around your neck. 

The gun pressed into your temple.  I couldn't breathe.  

You couldn’t die. 

Not again.

Eve's arm hooked around your neck, making you spin around, your back against her now and you were facing Jim, who stepped off the elevators just as the hard metal of the gun pressed against your temple. 

"Eve?" Jim's tone was garbled, confused, his stance hesitant and unsure.  

"Hello, darling." Eve sang from behind you as you struggled for air. 

"What the hell are you doing?  Let her go." Jim sounded fierce now, the captain in him revealing itself. 

"I can't do that, Jim." Eve pushed. 

"Why not? What is this?" Jim asked, licking his lips. 

"This is the end of my suffering, Jim." Eve taunted, digging the gun into your skin.

"She did something to my shuttle, Jim, the day I died.  I can't remember but..." You began but were cut off by Eve's hold on your neck getting suddenly tighter. 

"You don’t get to talk.  You have no power here.” Eve said sharply into your ear and black spots swam into your vision. 

"Jim?" You squeaked, unable to get any other words past your lips.  

"It's okay, Y/N, it's going to be okay." Jim assured, but you could see the fear behind his eyes.  

A tear slipped down your cheek, and you pressed your eyes shut as you felt the metal of the gun sliding from your temple down to your chin and back. 

"Jim, Jim, Jim." Eve's taunting voice in your ear sent chills of fear down your spine, "why do you always lie to everyone?"

Jim looked like he was ready to pounce as you hesitantly re-opened your eyes.

"You're going to be fine, everything is going to be all happy and cheery and we are going to live happily ever after.... HA." Eve jeered, her mocking tone cutting into you like a dull knife, and you bit back a shout as the hard barrel of the gun dug into your skin. 

"Why are you doing this?" Jim asked desperately and took a tentative step towards you and Eve. 

The distinct sound of Eve cocking the pistol sent a new shot of adrenaline coursing through your body, making you gasp and more tears flowed down your face. 

"Ah, ah, ah, Jim, stay right where you are or your precious little resurrected girlfriend dies." Eve threatened. 

Girlfriend? You thought to yourself as Jim raised his hands in surrender and took a small step back.

"The man in the alley, that was your doing, wasn't it?" Jim questioned, and you could tell he was trying to keep this situation under control, to buy time to come up with a plan.

"Very good, James." Eve cooed. 

"And the locket?" Jim asked, his blue eyes flicking between yours and Eve's. 

"I planted it there to make sure you tried to find her again.  I didn't mean for you to stun one of my guys, but the end result was still the same." Eve's words were ice cold daggers.

"My hotel room.  You cancelled it didn't you?" You rasped, starting to put the puzzle pieces together.

"Not my best work, but I didn't expect you to turn down Jim's offer to come stay with us, so I improvised." Eve purred into your ear. 

"Why?  Why all this complicated scheming?  What do you want?" Jim breathed, his eyes desperate and searching.

Eve's breath brushed past your ear, "It’s plain and simple, really, I want her to feel what I felt that day.  The feeling when I had to leave my heart behind, lying in a puddle of his own blood."

Ice flowed through your veins, stinging your heart, and you could barely breathe for the pain in your chest.  You searched Jim’s face, begging silently for him to look up at you, but his eyes were focused on the floor, probably trying to remember that day on Haven.

"You killed her." Jim breathed, his eyes now sliding up and meeting Eve's, the look on his face fierce and grave as he continued, louder now, "You killed the love of my life, Eve.  I watched her die as I was stuck on the ship, helpless.  I watched my heart crash into the surface of a planet, her shuttle in a million pieces."

Jim paused, the silence in the room near palpable, and you could only stare at him through your watery vision.  As you listened to his words, his proclamations of love to you, images swum in your vision and you gasped in pain at the sharpness of their trek through your brain.  You couldn’t make sense of anything, but you knew you recognized a certain set of crystal blue eyes in all of the images. 

"I trusted you, Eve.  I could even say I loved you." Jim hissed, his tone so cold and severe that it made the images in your brain disappear, "You took her away from me." He was starting to panic now, his hands trembling as he ran them through his hair, "Her death tore me apart.  You don't get to say I don't understand.  I know exactly what you are feeling because you did the same to me.  You do not get to play God, Eve."

His words echoed in the empty room, bouncing off the walls and reverberating in your eardrums, giving you the sudden strength to struggle against Eve's vice-like grip. You clawed at her arm, jabbing your other elbow into her gut, but she had the upper hand.  

"Y/N!" Jim yelled and when you heard him try to run to you, the barrel of the gun suddenly met the back of your head with an astounding amount of force. 

You barely had time to cry out before you hit the floor and then the images were back, sharp and unrelenting this time, blotting out your vision.  You saw Jim again, but this time not just in images, but little video clips.  Jim at the beach.  Jim in bed, the blankets tucked around his chin.  Jim wearing nothing but his underwear, cooking eggs.  Jim in his captain’s chair, looking fierce.

“Eve, let her go.” Jim demanded, his voice never wavering.

“I can't do that, James." The gun scraped into the back of your head as she spoke. "You may know my pain, but she doesn't.”

You pressed your palms into the cool linoleum floor, trying to comprehend everything that was going on.  There was something you were missing, and you knew it.  Memories that you couldn't quite recall.  Were these images and video clips memories?  They didn’t seem like your memories, they seemed like Jim’s memories.

“Jim.  I can’t remember.  You say you love me but I can’t remember.” You cried out quietly, tears flowing down your cheeks again. 

“I know.  It’s okay.  I know.” He responded, his voice breaking slightly.

Suddenly the sound of a gunshot rang out in your ears and you screamed, throwing your arms over your head and pressing your forehead to the floor. The shot had landed about an inch from your head and had left a mark in the linoleum.

"Enough." Eve called, "Jim, I am sorry I have to do this."

There was a sudden, smooth movement above your head, and you looked up to see the gun now not pointed at you, but at Jim. 

"She needs to know my pain. She needs to know the pain she caused, Jay." Eve insisted and at her last word the world turned sideways.

The images flew back into your head, the rest of the world falling away quickly, the memories now playing not only as images, but as if you were watching a movie.  

Jim at the beach.  No, you and Jim at the beach, laughing as he scooped you up and dumped you in the saltwater, the sun beating down on the two of you.

Jim in bed, the blankets tucked around his chin that you pulled at because he had stolen all the covers.  He looked so peaceful and innocent in his sleep, but you were freezing.  He resisted for a moment before his eyes peeked open and he wrapped the covers around you, pulling you to his chest.

You, walking into the kitchen wearing Jim’s baggy t-shirt, Jim wearing nothing but his underwear, cooking eggs just the way you like them.  You, wrapping your arms around his stomach from behind, pressing your face into his shoulder blades, pressing kisses there. 

There were many more of these sporadic memories, and they all had something in common.  A feeling of overwhelming happiness.  Tears spilled down your cheeks relentlessly as one more memory appeared in your vision, this one not so happy.

Jim in his captain’s chair, looking fierce.  You weren’t with him this time, but rather you seemed to be in your own ship, on a downward trajectory towards the ground.  It must have been what Eve was talking about, the day you died. You weren’t scared, per say, but rather you were sad.  You saw Jim’s face in front of yours, the communication system still intact somehow, and watched as tears streamed down his desperate and vulnerable face.  You couldn’t hear anything in your memory but you saw him mouth the word, ‘no’.  You gave him a weak smile, letting a few tears fall yourself as you stared into the crystal blue eyes.  ‘I love you’ you mouthed back and watched as he let out a yell seconds before you collided with the ground.

You broke abruptly and painfully from the memories and unlocked your arms from around your head to allow yourself room to breathe, pushing frantically at the hairs that fell into your face.  When you got yourself under control you realized that though it had felt like hours that you were watching the memories, it was more like seconds.  Eve was still behind you, gun pointed at Jim, who stood frozen in front of you, watching your agony. 

You lifted your head achingly to look at Jim, whose eyes were locked onto yours.  You were seeing him differently, suddenly, as if you remembered and recognized things that had been lost before.  The curve of his mouth and how it felt on yours.  Each plane of his face and how they moved with every different emotion he felt.  The way his hair swooped and where it stuck up, and how if felt to run your fingers through it.  You finally recognized him.

One word rung out in your mind like a bell in a silent church. 

"Jay." The syllable fell from your lips like you had said it a million times, like it was your last breath, or your first, it broke you apart.  

Relief flooded his features and it was like he was falling apart before you, his lips parting as if he had been holding his breath and had just been waiting for this moment to breathe again.

"Y/N." He called, using your nickname rather than your full name and it was like music to your ears.

Then the gun pressed to the back of your head again.

"So sweet." Eve taunted, and you suddenly felt yourself being tugged to your feet, standing just in front of Eve, the gun pressed between your shoulder-blades.  "I was hoping using his nickname would trigger your memory.  It’s about time it came back."

"Why would you care about my memory coming back?" You gulped, wanting nothing more than to run to Jim, be circled in his safe, strong arms. 

"Because that was the last piece of my plan." Eve's voice was even and deadly. 

"What..." You began to ask when you felt the gun leave your back.

You didn't have time to process what was happening until you heard the gunshot. 

-Thanks for Reading!  I hope you liked it!-

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