#just thinks this is normal trauma stuff
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did i intend for FTFD Raph to experience audio hallucinations without even realizing he’s experiencing them? nope. but he’s super valid and now it’s canon yep
#my mans hears voices#yep#ftfd raphael#backrooms explorer Don#not a plural issues just literally#hallucinates things people have said and can't make it stop#doesn't realize he's hallucinating#just thinks this is normal trauma stuff#which like it kinda it? but also no raph rip#i am going to slowly accidentally project all of my mental illnesses on these characters and make it everyone else's problems
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hiya! re: coraline telling wybie about the other mother, in your opinion/in your version of the story did coraline actually go through that as a child or do you see it more of a trauma response to cope with moving and an unhappy family life? like was it all real or did she imagine that as a means of escapism?
Hi! I know there's a popular theory that Coraline did actually imagine alot of it as a means of escapism. It's a cool theory! I'm surprised no one's made a gritty angsty fic on it.
But in my project her experiences were very real ☺️
#kittchats#I think people assuming she trauma processed something as a child is what adds to her self doubt in later years#Like - what if they're right and I just blotted something bad out?#- I can't talk to normal people about this they're going to end up admitting me somewhere.#- This is all stuff Wybie's grandma went through as a child but she didn't have a potential support system at hand.#Which is ironically now her grandson for Coraline.#I REALLY hope I'm able to communicate this in the comic 🥹
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making myself a proper healthy & delicious dinner like 'lucanis dellamorte would be so proud of me. not that he has a fucking leg to stand on because he's almost certainly slept all of 50 minutes in the last 48 hours and is more caffeine than man right now, but still'
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#there's the first stages of a meta swirling around in my head about how dealing with spite is making lucanis adopt a number of habits#and attitudes you'd normally see in a teenager lol -- habits and attitudes he almost certainly was not allowed to indulge in#AS a teenager. just thinking. about stuff. (the demon is trauma finally catching up to him the metaphor is not very subtle haha)#staying up super late brooding alone in his room picking up new hobbies and interests having his first real relationship...#(in either way that can play out)#he's going through it and also speedrunning some shit lmao#I am gently turning him around in my head. no microwave just. gently turning and gazing. I just want him to be happy
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They make me soooooo sooooo ill
#I looooove that michael is like. trying to comfort him by sharing his own trauma. that's very sweet#but like. can they BOTH go to therapy already. goddddddddddd#''I just tough it out. never stopped bothering me. lol. lmao'' GO TO THERAPYYYYYYY. AND TAKE THE CAR WITH YOU.#michael mentions this again in the circus episode too#the ''I live with risk in my life so much it's become second nature. if I stopped to think about it I couldn't go on'' line#I think those two are the most we ever get (outside of MAYBE tsor)#and kitt's ''I don't experience fear''.... LITERALLY untrue. stopppppp lying stop lying#anywayyyyyyyyyyy I'm soooooooooo normal about my silly 80s show blorbos teehee yayyy#knight rider#kr#kr rewatch liveblog#the poss posts#fave#mk2k#it's not but it is#fundamentals of mk2k. they care about each other and both went through fucked up stuff only the other would understand
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every time I hear someone say "oh you have to listen to Dear Evan Hansen it has such good mental health representation" I cry in Next to Normal
#next to normal#and yes this is based on a true story#generally I dont try to juck anyones jum so I of course didn't tell that person what I was thinking at that moment#and if someone found Dear Evan Hansen a useful text in terms of their own mental health journey who am I to discredit that#but this is the internet and I am back on the ntn train#in a way it is my saf autumn musical#and yes I am a survior of the 2017 Tony Awards why were you asking?#no but seriously#it is so interesting how many narrative devices Dear Evan Hansen took from Next to Normal#but turned them into a less complete piece#like Gabe in ntn is a representation of unadressed grief and trauma and the family has to accept that he will never be really gone#and connor is just...idk not fully thought out?#idk I'm rambling#but also#how the love story between Henry and Natalie means something#Natalie sees her parent's relationship and desperately doesn't want that for herself and Henry at the same time also stand for#a piece of normalcy that seems attainable#you don't sit there and think hu why is there this completely separate love story thrown in there?#it mirrors the problems#and dear evan hansen#do I even have to say it#I thnk the thing I resent it most for is that it has a love story#naja#I'm of listening to net to normal some more#sorry I someone who really likes deh stumbles accross this#I feel like espechially musicals can be something that can be so personal#and I don't actually want to contribute to more stuff like#ew why do you like this when theres xyz that is so much better or morally purer or whatever#I guess what I do want to say is: if I had a nickle for everytime they made a musical about mental health where theres a ghost on stage and#the sister of the dead kid falls in love with a funny guy while her family is falling apart
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y'all have gotta learn to act normal about other people's characters
just bc you think they're hot doesn't mean the person who made them wants to know if, or how, you'd fuck them. i feel like that's common sense. it doesn't make it OK now just because it's not a real person you're sexualizing. you don't know what they mean to the person who made them, and if you do, well what the fuck, then.
#please excuse me i've just noticed really often lately#the way people will comment nasty nasty stuff on art and i have to wonder like#are you sure that the artist is cool w/ that? are you sure already that the person who owns or made that character is cool with that?#idk i had to watch a couple people oversexualize the characters from a friend's very personal & emotional game they made about trauma#i posted a turnaround of a model i did for a friend in a discord server and someone called it “the boykisser” just bc it was a cat?#like. do you know who the character is? do you know who owns the character? do you understand the context they're from?#if not. why would you say that to/about them.#ik those instances occured on their own and don't really warrant a whole post#but I've been seeing some REALLY uncomfy comments thrown at people's art every here and there#and i think some of y'all are forgetting how to behave for real.#this post & tags are a little half-baked i'm just kinda sick of seeing it. be normal. leave a nice comment or something
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sunday is a deeply funny character to me because prior to knowing his character i was like yeah i enjoy his unintentional but also completely intentional cruelty and his manipulativeness and nowadays it’s just like… if i wanted to talk to a delusional evangelical protestant who believes their worldview is right for everyone i could just talk to my mother. sunday ain’t special
#thoughts#hsr#what do u mean u think ur worldview is the right one to save everyone & ur willing to force everyone to conform.#anyways. sunday’s concept of ‘ena’s dream’ goes directly against ena’s entire shtick as an aeon. i don’t care if it’s bc of childhood trauma#or grooming by gopher or whatever. his actions r still his actions. amazing how that works.#tbh the ena’s dream thing is just. so entirely annoying. yes he thought he was bringing ena back.#yes that is also antithetical to ena’s entire concept of cyclical natures and the rise and fall of things. what is sunday on.#like. now i can’t stand him. & tbh his fans bending over backwards to justify and excuse his actions r just. absolutely wild#anyways. only sundays i can stand r ones in aus where someone makes him get his shit together#normally dont like to post negative stuff but like. damn#like. not to be a hater on main. i’m sure ppl r legitimately talking abt him & taking it seriously#& i’m just not willing to go into his tags. oh my god tho. the poor little meow meow effect
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Since the melody has been bouncing around in my head since Saturday and I can't stop humming it, and since it's a very sweet and meaningful scene, I transcribed the song Rayla sang to Esmeray.
Though the sky is dark tonight, I still shine for you, my dear. The moon is more than just her light, I am near, my love is here. Though you feel so much alone, Oh, my darling, do not fear. Hold to what you've always known, I am near, my love is here. Though my face cannot be seen, The answer in your heart is clear. I am the moon, the silver queen. I am near, my love is here.
Such a sweet song and beautiful scene. So glad they wrote it that way.
#why yes i teared up while transcribing it and watching the whole scene why do you ask#normally im not a fan of singing in shows especially if its few and far between#idk my brain just doesnt like it#but this was so sweet. you know that song means so much to rayla if she sang it to stella to help her relax. her parents probably all sang#it to her as a kid. wonder if she remembered it while she was gone. and she knew it would help esmeray. and its so meaningful that she#recognized esmeray and connected with her on how it felt to lose those you love so dearly. the more i think about it the more it gets me#and the melody is nice. i keep humming it. had to transcribe it.#also not lost on me that it focused on rayla's face for the lines 'i am the moon the silver queen' and how that specific line is what#really helped heal esmeray. love how moonshadow culture seems to have a lot of really pretty stuff in it like that.#pretty. personal. meaningful. the moon is so so important to them. i mean makes sense but that shows up a lot in a very loving way#they have a piss poor way of doing other stuff in their community and a tradition of handling emotional things horribly and not the best#communication that can all easily lead to trauma. but at least they have all this#also their aesthetic is SO good#tdp#tdp s6#tdp s6 spoilers#rayla#esmeray#luna tenebris#technically this involves her#the dragon prince#the dragon prince s6#continue the saga#continuethesaga#give us the saga#giveusthesaga#dragon lady letters
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Actually no my plurality doesn't distress me at all, and I will never stop joking abt it bc this fucking disorder is OBJECTIVELY fucking hilarious to us /pos
Oh no ! I can't deal with This Thing, I need THREE FICTIONAL MOTHERFUCKERS AND A GOD IN MY BRAIN TO DEAL WITH IT FOR ME ??????? 🤨🤨
#mewo rambles :3#the sunday council#tag for ace#no shade if your experiences with plurality ARE serious and like distressing and stuff but for us it just isn't and it#never will be. we find our situation really humorous and we ENJOY being a collective. it's not something we hate or despise or#think of as some sort of punishment or negative thing we've been left with after experiencing trauma#it's just something we needed to be able to get through all of the shit we've gone through#and I think it's okay and honestly GOOD to poke fun at the silly aspects of it and normalize it because if we don't and we all treat it#as something horrible and awful then what's that going to keep doing for our representation within media ?#idk I just think it's really important to be able to share positivity around how we view ourselves as a collective and our perspective as#sum1 who has been honestly incredibly helped by realizing our systemhood and being able to not have to go through all of this alone
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Okay okay real talk here
Do you think Ace’s dream is just Yuu being a real resident of Twisted Wonderland?
LIKE WE ALL KNOW HE IS COPING ABOUT YUU LEAVING SOON
I WILL CRY IF IT IS THAT
Omggg 😭 💔 I cant wait for the next part!! 🙏Im sorry but if Treys dream is next i will be skipping HHSHSH WE GOT BUISNESS
The dream just being yuu being a residant i CAAANT CAMM OMG

#THE QUARTET IS SOOO BACK ON AFTER WE DEAL WITH THE UNDERLYING TRAUMA#I cant stop thinking about when Ace is gonna discover his signature spell#ItS got to be in this chapter eventually right?#(Being normal about it)#Like WHAT DO WE THINK IT IS#I think about that one hc someone made about how he would be able to travel between the two worlds like Alice#Through the rabbit hole?#But anyways 🥺🥺🥺#Thankyou for the ask!#Or his dream is gonna be like deuces and its just random stuff happening 😭 THAT WOULD BE ANTICLIMACTIC
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i am so normal (all i can think about is genloss but not in a way that i can properly put into words ough ough ough ough and also my mouth hurts but that’s completely unrelated)
#teehee.txt#genloss#gl!charlie my guy my silly guy he is so silly and for sure has religious trauma and showfall is all hes ever known and and and and#generation loss#and gl!sneeg. everyone hates him :( bro cant be That much of a hater for no reason. and he said he was coming back for ranboo#and he almost got out and i think he would’ve gone back if he couldve. he would’ve ran all the employees and hetch over with a car and i—#—would cheer. gl!sneeg deserves to run someone over. as a treat.#and gl!ranboo. bro had no idea :((((((((#and gl!austin. bro was trying to leave the whole time. he just wanted to live. :(( they ALL wanted to live :(((((((#and gl!niki. she should also get to run over someone. as a treat.#and gl!vinny. looney toons ass death will never not be funny to me. but think of how it would’ve looked without the filter.#also bro just like me fr i also hoard a bunch of random stuff <3#and gl!ethan. his fish man :((((((((((#GOD IM SO NORMAL.
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Art I did during my break but don't wanna post on main but you know what. I like Levi and Richard (and Arienne the redhead).
Basically, Levi and Richard go to school together, Richard decides to go by the name Richard and the only person to without question go along with "I'm a boy now" is Levi who calls him Dick. And then gets into fist fights with boys that don't call him Richard. So Richard falls pretty much in love in school then his parents divorce and he moves away.
Many years later (10+) Richard meets Levi again and it's very much nothing grand. Levi overhears Richard introducing himself to someone and is like "lmao Dick? You work here now? Sucks to be you" and Richard is immediately 'I love him so much I hate myself for how easily I give up all dignity for him' but yeah. They work in different departments so Levi does more behind the scenes stuff while Richard talks to clients and is very social.
And their coworkers in both departments love Richard because he's such a nice guy and Levi's department hates Levi a lot cause he's an asshole. (then stuff happens that would require a tw blah blah blah) So after a month of Levi not being at work he returns and Richard immediately goes over to the department to check on him and he's just. Incredibly mellow. No cussing and no cockiness and worst of all, he's being called Richard which is very much not correct from Levi. So he points it out that no one else calls him Dick and if he had a problem with it he would have said something by now so hey, maybe don't suddenly change the entire friendship on your own. (So Levi texts him later to say "sorry for being a dick, Dick" and Richard is v happy and content with that turn out)
Richard is honestly tragically created out of spite for the fact I saw a name IRL and I know that the state that I live in would in fact NOT have someone that intentionally funny and trans so I have to make my own funny trans guy to fill the void.
#a redemption arc from the sidelines#look im sorry but the guy who my mom and i voted for as one of our constables cannot be as genuinely funny as he is in my head#the guy has ruined my life with his billboard election thing and the fact my mom even REMEMBERS the billboard for his campaign?#yeah it was obnoxiously yellow and red and also he uses his nickname on the campaign#which youd think is fine or cringe normally but when you look at it and realize his firstname nickname lastname all have slang meanings#id like to point out though that not only did he have the funniest campaign billboard but no one even ran against him it was just him#i actually made a trans oc because the funniest name ive ever seen irl inspired me#theres a lot of trauma and cute interactions between levi and richard in my head but i dont think everyone cares#but i think its very funny that i told someone extensive stories from my thoughts about them#and she would go thats so cute WAIT NO HOLD ON OUCH#and then i told someone else haha so i have been telling someone stuff about my ocs and its been whiplash to her C:#and told oh its probably fine she's probably enjoying hearing it#so i said an example and it was oh thats cute followed by (lying down emote)#fwiw i dont actually know what their job is i just want them at the same company but different areas of expertise#thats literally all i got im sorry
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Sooo desperate for friendship and connection
And yet
#i want to keep blaming friend trauma#but i think im pretty much over the situation overall#just still dealing with learning how to trust and open up again#when does it get easier#and when do i feel comfortable again talking about normal stuff like goals and dreams#as opposed to just small talk#i stopped letting anyone in except my fiance and then i get jealous when he has healthy friendships🙃
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If I had a nickel for every fucking time one of my favorite minecraft character on an smp, who also had a divine connection of sorts, ended up killing someone after the explosion of that person's city/base and had the children of that person also witness the death of their parent. Then ended up somehow emotionally connecting with said child of the person they killed and having a odd relationship in which they sorta taken them in at some point, in which they lived near them and just kinda became their guardian of sorts. And the child in some way sees them as someone they can rely on despite the fact of said character being a big source of their grief and pain (sorta, it gets complicated if you look more into that). I would have two (and maybe a half) nickels and things just rhythm somehow.
#saph rambles#content smp#dsmp#dsmp philza#c!philza#csmp doctor4t#doctor4t#also sorta about tommy fundy and luxintrus#philza counts for that one and a half because of the fact tommy and fundy at different points ended up like that#they both later broke off again since stuff certainly *happened*#so yeah... anyways#my favs somehow always end up being glorified war criminals and cannot ever be normal about their relationships#i know the parallels are probably not and very unlikely to be intentional#but I think its funny that across rp block game media that the patterns are patterning a lot#also just so much familial trauma
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The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.
It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.
#red said#i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life#my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me#like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy.#anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is.#but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was#like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it#i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen.#I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles#and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences#and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma#obviously microtraumas build up but still.#then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma#is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING#told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip#and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain#until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position#and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific#and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with#like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex#out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage?#and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh#so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea#that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.#like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.
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i've been considering the new pope of it all and kinda ripped the growing up gay catholic scab off that i hadnt thought about in a while. oops
#i dont have religious trauma by any means like i grew up going to catholic school but it was pretty mainstream and normal#the homophobia was very like. lowgrade and mostly ignorable#but as i got older and started to figure out who i was it became harder to reconcile and then when i was 16 my high school bff#(who is christian but not catholic) gave me a book about saving people from their homosexuality. hate the sin love the sinner type stuff#which kinda made me realize just how. alien i would feel from a lot of catholics. not all of them ofc but many#and even if they weren't outright hateful i didnt want to just be tolerated or lured into thinking i belonged and then nudged into changing#i think asking people not to put their love into the world that they get from their partnerships and self-expression is just. sad#im not even an atheist i want to be a spiritual person in some capacity but i think thats only something i could only ever do very privatel#i really dont want to be part of a religious community which feels sort of like. missing the point a little like that seems important#for many faiths but i simply dont think i could do it#even in other more welcoming denominations or faiths. it just feels like something that i only want to keep to myself#this is not even touching on the systemic and historical problems with the church im just speaking personally#i have such a basic bitch gripe with the church sorry its not even interesting#gay lapsed catholic fork found in kitchen
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