#katherine ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elixirfromthestars · 7 months ago

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KATHERINE. MY BELOVED. MY DEAREST. THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL!! 🥹❤️❤️

You have a wonderful way with words and it's like you wove autumn itself into every sentence. 🍂🤎✨ Presented us with the chilly library and a blanket of Bucky’s warmth to keep us cozy throughout 🥺❤️

I absolutely adored everything that I am baffled as to how I can separate my favorite parts without putting the entire fic like?? Genuinely I had to brainstorm this as to not overwhelm you with my reactions 😅😂

The details and imagery in this were just *chefs kiss* ☺️💖 I could see myself sitting in the library, I could sense the atmosphere, the chill in the air, the autumnal vibes, and everything it was soooooooooooooo perfect!! ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍂

“Got it for you. The coffee. You seemed pretty tired yesterday. That's why I was rushing here, so it doesn't get cold.”

^ What a sweetheart omg 🥹💗💗 He got the reader a coffee and rushed so it wouldn’t get cold are you kidding me?! You have me falling for him already 😌💘

Perhaps the sweetness of the coffee gesture is enough to have me maybe consider forgiving him for his wild behavior at parties…maybe 🙄🩷

“Well, um- it's getting cold in here. Especially this late. Don't forget to bring an extra sweater tomorrow.” He paused for a brief moment. “And just so you know,” he continued, ”I wouldn't have minded staying with you.”

^ He’s after my heart. Completely. 🥺 So attentive and sweet UGH 😩💖💖

The whole section where Bucky describes the little moments that made him fall for the reader was so heartwarmingly good 😭❤️❤️ The smile, the song, the comfort during a scary movie, and the support/comfort after a failed exam he’s just too cute 🥺💗

After seeing his perspective… Fine. He’s forgiven. 😌🩷

Bringing you hot tea, warm coffee, holding the door for you, reminding you to dress warmly, bringing an additional umbrella for you on rainy autumn days knowing how forgetful you can be, closing the window because you were in the cold draft, carrying heavy books for you, buying you cold medicine when you showed up sniffling and coughing.

^ It’s the little things. It’s always the little things 🥺❤️❤️❤️

So yeah he’s forgiven. SUPER forgiven. 🫶🏼

GIVING THE READER HIS CARDIGAN BECAUSE HE SAW SHE WAS COLD AHHHHH 🥹💞💞 And with the whole “You snuggled into it and for the first time in a long time, a person started to feel like home.” BEAUTIFUL ♡ ♡ ♡

He sighed, admitting defeat for the moment. It was something he secretly wished for; for you to call him by the nickname all of his best friends use. He wanted to be closer to you, and calling him by his name felt like an arms length between you. What Bucky doesn't know is that you considered it closeness to call him by his real name, and you simply love saying 'James'. It is timeless, gentle. Every vowel and consonant felt soft on your lips.

^ I love this. The way they both have their special meanings as to why they stick to their preferred name for him. I wonder if he’ll ever find out… 👀♡

I love that she extended the time on his library book. Even on her part it’s the little things 🥺🩷And then there he goes again letting her use his hoodie like he’s such a sweetheart 🥹💖 These two are too cute!!!

Him being jealous of Steve, poor baby 🥺🤍 I love the pining and the longing it’s so good!!

Bucky sat with a love-sick grin plastered on his face, while Steve's knowing expression revealed a sense of relief because he was so damn tired of watching his two friends pining for each other and doing nothing about it. Bucky's thoughts were going a thousand miles a minute. You were pining for him. He was right. I mean, you didn't even negate what Nat said. That must mean something, right? Silence could be interpreted as agreeing, especially knowing how guarded you were and would have defended yourself on the spot. But you didn't. You have feelings for him. And there's an additional something that made him smile even wider - you just called him Bucky for the first time since he met you.

^ I adore that he got to hear it firsthand. Like yes now it’s your turn!! Make a move!!! 💕 And the way she called him Bucky 🥰 (and side note love Nat and reader’s friendship, it makes me so happy because I miss Nat so much 🥺❤️)

The tension in that library scene with the book 🫠💗 and the kiss 🫣❣️❣️ Such an intense, heart racing kiss scene!!!!Beautiful! Spectacular! Give me 14 of them right now!! (Please tell me you know this reference so I don’t sound like a silly little human saying this 😂😅)

Bucky watched in horror as your eyes filled with hot tears, one by one slipping down your cheeks in rapid succession. Kissing a man with ocean eyes seemed to have repercussions, as your own eyes were overflowing with salty ocean water. He was frozen in shock as you fell apart in front of him, and just as he was about to snap out of it and comfort you, you left his embrace and ran out of the library after gathering your things in haste, leaving Bucky stunned in silence amongst the empty shelves, the library feeling colder than ever.

^ ☹️💔💔 I knew the angst was coming and yet silly little me thought I was safe before I read that last paragraph 🥲 ouch

I know there's a part two (and I am so here for it and so excited), but my heart still broke a bit there in the end 🥺💔 But to read your beautiful stories I will gladly break my heart all over again—just for you ♡ I am so happy to see you have picked up writing again, and I am so grateful you have decided to share it with us 🫶🏼✨ I can’t wait to read and support what else you have in store for us my beloved Kat 💕

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

pairing: history major!bucky x librarian!reader

summary: a reserved librarian and a history-loving student keep crossing paths in the cold library, where shared smiles and hidden glances will make them understand that burning hearts don't do well in a place that easily ignites.

word count: 6.7k

warnings/themes: fluff/a bit of angst, making out, insecurities, no real warnings except for two silly humans falling in love

a/n: hello hello!! i have not written this much in years, and i'm both excited and anxious to share this with you. i'm rediscovering just how thrilling it is ✍︎ i'd like to send my love to @elixirfromthestars @whatever-lmaoo and @buck-star for being unimaginably kind, lovely, supportive and encouraging whenever i was doubting myself ♡ and to anyone reading this, thank you so much for giving my little story a chance. i am over the moon if you decide to grace it with your time ♡

note: this is part one ♡

The library was quiet at this time of day, students scattered around finishing their projects and essays or studying diligently for the upcoming exams. Spending time here was a source of comfort and a therapeutic refuge, which is why you were one of the first ones to hastily apply for this part-time position.

As most of your classes were in the mornings, and you usually spend your afternoons and evenings studying in the library, you thought you might as well use this chance to get some financial independence.

Besides, the college library was quite calm and uneventful, and as long as you finished your given tasks, the other librarians were okay with you studying during your shift. You unconditionally cherished this place, the enormous time capsule that hid you from the world, a place where you could be yourself.

The metaphorical warmth you felt for the library didn't help much when it got cold outside, as it wished to live in eternal spring and couldn't be properly warmed up. Regular students and staff already knew to dress as warmly as possible in layers and thick sweaters, some even opting to bring blankets.

The library was old, but very well looked after. The wooden chairs and sturdy desks were meticulously placed near the tall, gothic windows that provided the most beautiful atmosphere when letting the sunlight through. The bookshelves crafted out of deep dark oak and walnut wood, with beautiful wood carvings alongside their edges.

Your favourite were days with rain or snowfall, as they stained the library in a muted, sort of hazy light that looked magical when the warm lights had to be switched on. The enormous windows acted as moving paintings in those days.

The old wooden library door squealed in the deep silence of the study hall, announcing someone's arrival. Your eyes traveled towards the sound, a warm feeling washing over you immediately.

It's him. James Barnes. The history major prodigy with a sharp wit and gentle, old soul who is currently studying for his master's degree.

Despite his bookish academic personality, there was a part of him that was outgoing and a little wild. He loved being around his friends, and rarely declined an invitation for hang outs and parties. People like to be around him, as if they’re orbiting planets around the shining sun.

He was a presence to be reckoned with - with his soft dark hair, ocean eyes, a thickly built constitution that made him look effortlessly handsome in his well-fitted coats and cardigans; with the addition of a genuine, outgoing and caring personality, it made him someone people can very easily be infatuated with. The two of you moved in the same friend circles so it was not rare for you to see him around, especially when Nat and Steve pressured you to attend house parties with them. You'd be left feeling fatigued for days, having drained your already depleted social battery as you were reserved and introverted by nature.

What made it worthwhile was spending time with your friends which is why you usually gave in to their pleas, and what came as a surprise to you, stealing glances at one particular history genius.

Those subtle, unwavering glances didn't go unnoticed by Nat, who started paying a lot more attention to this newly perceived state of yours.

Your infatuation confused you, but it was nevertheless expected.

You saw him in the library almost everyday, and while you were not friends per se, you politely interacted with each other with small smiles and tiny nods whenever one of you arrived while the other was already there; uttering sweet thank yous when Bucky returned his books when they were due, or if you managed to find a book he was looking for. Those moments were precious and special, because you got to see a side of Bucky others did not.

Seeing him at parties, however, turned out to be bittersweet, as it was a recurring sight to witness him with a girl sitting in his lap with his arms around her, or having another girl's lips pressed to his. He was not a careless heart breaker as he was not the type to lead someone on, but he liked to have a bit of fun and blow off some steam in a harmless way.

It was such a contradiction to who he was when he studied diligently in the library's silence that you couldn't wrap your head around who Bucky genuinely was. But you wanted to know more, and he was a mystery you wanted unsolved, even if seeing him with someone else made your chest feel like it's caving in on itself; a deep, heavy heartache that left you with a sore feeling of emptiness that was left to fester.

Every time you saw him kiss and touch someone else, you felt the painful strain in your lower jaw as you held back hot, unshed tears, the fluttering feeling settling in your stomach but not of the good kind. These felt like wasps, stinging from within.

You had no reason or right to feel like this, as he isn't, and never will be, yours. There was no place for you in his solar system.

Bucky, however, has always treated you differently ever since he became acquainted with you, whether because his childhood friend Steve was best friends with you or because genuinely considered you a good friend himself. He was more reserved when interacting with you, distanced but gentle.

Now acutely aware of Bucky's presence, you watched him as he struggled to keep the doors open with his hands multitasking beyond reason - he somehow managed to carry his satchel, seemingly quite heavy as he was leaning to the other side to balance out the weight on his shoulder, black coat propped at the elbow, coffee and his phone in one hand with the dorm keys dangling from one of his fingers, and a stack of books in the other.

Trying to keep the door from closing with a crash, soft locks of hair fell on his forehead and over his eyes, obstructing his view. His hair was getting longer again, and to your infinite delight, he made no indications of getting a haircut any time soon. This was a recipe for imminent catastrophe, one which both of you would be more than happy to avoid.

You quickly stood up from your chair behind the library desk and approached him, reaching for the books. "I've got you, I can take these,” you whispered to him so you don't disturb the other students.

Bucky looked at you with gratefulness in his eyes, sighing a quiet sigh of relief. "You're a lifesaver, y/n,” he whispered back, offering you a smile.

You walked with him to his usual spot where he likes to study, just to the right of where you work, next to a big window that provides him with much-needed natural daylight.

“For you,” he stated, placing his things on the table and outstretching his hand holding the coffee towards you.

You were completely taken off guard and all you could do was utter a small ‘It’s what?’

“Got it for you. The coffee. You seemed pretty tired yesterday. That's why I was rushing here, so it doesn't get cold.”

The silence of the library was deafening, the air as thick as the autumn morning fog. While you had an abundance of kindness and empathy to give to others, you always had trouble accepting it when it was offered to you. On top of that, this was not just anyone.

This was James, and the thought of him noticing your tiredness and caring enough to bring you coffee today has your heart skip a few beats. You realised that you were silent for a while because Bucky was looking at you with an amused look, and you had to clear your mind just enough to answer him and not embarrass yourself by acting like a lovestruck silly fool.

“You really didn’t have to trouble yourself,” you uttered softly.

He kept the hand with which he held the coffee cup still outstretched towards you, nudging it a little bit as if saying that he had no intentions of taking no for an answer. “I didn’t, but I wanted to. Come on, have it while it’s warm. No take backs.”

You tentatively took the coffee from him, and your cold fingers brushed against his warm ones. Feeling the coldness of your hands made him glad that he risked a chaotic entrance just to get you a warm beverage.

“Thank you, James,” you looked at him with warmth which makes Bucky try to hide the lump in his throat as he nervously swallows.

The fluttering in his belly always emerged whenever you looked at him like that, sweetly, lovingly. Bucky smiled and feigned nonchalance so you wouldn't notice.

“No need for a thanks,” he smiled gently at you, warmth rushing into your face as he made direct eye contact.

“Sorry, I’m keeping you from work. And these,” he gestured towards a significant pile of books sitting on his desk, ”are unfortunately waiting for me.”

With a final glance and a reciprocated smile, you nodded and went back to your chair, feeling all kinds of feelings that felt too loud for this quiet room.

He looked at you while he took out his notes, smiling to himself when he saw you hug the hot coffee cup with your cold fingers in hopes of warming them up.

After a long study session, during which night had already fallen and soft yellow glow bathed the library's dark wooden shelves in golden lights, Bucky started packing his things and getting ready to leave. The library had mostly emptied out by now. He walked towards you, confusion etched in his face.

“You’re not leaving?”

“Yeah, not yet,” you sighed. “There was a new shipment of literature workbooks that I need to file on the computer by tomorrow, and it’s going to take a while. I should be done in an hour or so.”

Bucky glanced outside, noting how dark it was, the thought of you walking alone making him feel uneasy. “Do you want me to stay with you? I can walk you home when you're done.”

His offer excited you the moment it left his lips but you didn’t want him to waste his time waiting for you. With a heavy heart, as your inside voice scolded you for being nonsensical, you declined spending time with the guy you’ve been daydreaming about every waking moment.

“No need, you were here for hours. You should go and rest. Nat will be coming by in about half an hour so we'll walk back together.”

Bucky hesitated for a brief moment, not sure if you said that just so he wouldn't stay, or if Nat was really coming by. He eventually decided not to push, and hummed in agreement. “Okay, sure. Be careful on your way back, yeah?”

“I will James, you too.”

He nodded and walked towards the entrance door. Hesitating with his hand on the handle, he turned around, and coughed awkwardly to get your attention.

You looked up, and his blue eyes caught yours. “Did you fix the extra heater you told me broke last week? The one you and the librarians use behind the desk.”

“No, not yet,” you stated with slight disappointment.

“Well, um- it's getting cold in here. Especially this late. Don't forget to bring an extra sweater tomorrow.”

He paused for a brief moment. “And just so you know,” he continued, ”I wouldn't have minded staying with you.”

He nervously scratched the nape of his neck and without waiting for your answer, opened the door and left, leaving you with a flustered look on your face staring at the spot he was just standing at.

On one particularly miserable day, you burst into the library in a rush, as you finally slowed down your pace and strugglde to get your hectic breathing in order. Long breath in, long breath out. This whole day started as if you wore a big sign over your head saying “Do your worst, universe!”

First you overslept, jumping from the bed like you were struck by lightning, and barely arrived 5 minutes late to your first lecture. In your haste you realised you forgot to pack your lunch, and your mood’s been completely upside down since you had no time to have your morning coffee.

As fate would have it, it was the coldest day so far and the freezing air was biting your skin almost out of spite as you walked towards the library, just having finished your last class.

The campus was coloured in beautiful autumnal shades of rust and crimson and mustard yellow, a slight burning smell hanging in the air from the neighborhood’s ignited fireplaces keeping everyone warm in their homes.

The library was colder than it was yesterday, and you stopped in your tracks realising you forgot an extra sweater in your rush to leave your dorm room. Today simply decided to be against you and you sigh in defeat, not looking forward to being cold in the most comforting place you could think of.

Bucky was already at his usual spot, his gaze following you as you were getting ready to start your work. You didn't offer him your usual wave and smile upon arrival, which he found unusual. He wanted to get up and talk to you, but something in your countenance told him you weren’t in the mood for a conversation at the moment.

Something felt off with you, and he decided to let you wind down a little first, fearing he’ll just make it worse. Little did he know he was one of very few people whose comfort you would never turn down.

He’s surprised when he realised how in tune he was with your feelings and body language, how much he could read the look in your eyes, the barely noticeable downturn of your lips and frown of your eyebrows, the way your shoulders were sloped down.

Bucky doesn’t remember when he started feeling this way about you - perhaps it was the way you smiled at him when Steve introduced the two of you, saying how important it was for him for his two best friends to know each other.

Or when he saw you placing books on the bookshelf in the library, humming a song from his favourite band.

Perhaps it was when your friend group went to the cinema to watch a horror movie and you reached for his hand as a reflex and held it tightly when a scary scene was playing out on the screen.

Or it could have been that one time he found you crying in front of your classroom having failed an exam you spent many all nighters studying for, and stayed with you hoping his presence would soothe you. He silently sat next to you with your head propped against his shoulder until your breathing calmed down, after which he took you to a café nearby for hot tea where you stayed and talked about everything and anything for hours.

There was something captivating about you, but Bucky noticed you were reserved and shy, at times a little anxious, and someone who’s not particularly enjoying being the centre of attention.

He struggled to find a way to express how he felt without overwhelming you, and one evening after a particularly unbearable overthinking session, he finally called Steve to confess how he felt about you and ask him for advice. Steve was delighted that Bucky had finally admitted his feelings and said - little acts of kindness.

Express it without making it straightforward. You should feel it in the gestures if he offers them with genuine kindness. Make her feel safe and comfortable with you, Steve said. And that’s exactly what Bucky started doing.

He tried to convey his feelings in a way you'd notice, but it seems that it wasn't that easy getting through to you. However, his feelings for you grew warmer with each day in this cold library, so much so that even the library didn't feel all that cold anymore whenever you were in his field of vision. Unbeknownst to him, you felt very much the same.

He noticed you shivering, your hands going up and down your arms to create some warmth. You’re in a thinner sweater and he assumed that you must have forgotten to bring an extra layer of clothing.

Taking his maroon cardigan off, he pulled out his chair and made his way towards you. Your eyes were tired and misty, but when you saw him in front of you the world seemed to shift back to balance.

Bucky's height was obstructing your view, and you found that him shielding you from the outside world felt comforting.

“I'll be here for another hour, and then I thought I might go to our café for hot chocolate and raspberry muffins. I think I'll be bored without any company.”

He placed the cardigan in your hands, and walked back to his desk. You smiled for the first time that day, sending an inaudible “I'm in” his way. The oversized cardigan smelled like him, still heated by his body warmth.

You snuggled into it and for the first time in a long time, a person started to feel like home.

You walked down the street towards Steve's dorm, the sun slowly setting behind rust-coloured roofs. Dry leaves of every kind of earthy hue are swirling around you as if asked by the air for a dance.

They were crunching beneath your feet, having been scattered around the pavement on the wings of a chilly wind, as the daylight was slowly ending to make way for a starry night and visible warm breaths in the air. You wished you could savour this walk a bit longer, but the weather was growing increasingly colder.

You were aware that you should speed up your pace if you wanted to make it to Steve's before dark because you were only in a thin sweater, but this walk turned out to be a peaceful refuge of silence amongst the autumn trees. Your path eventually led you to a small park filled with other students talking and hanging out, most of them packing up to go warm themselves up in the nearby cafés.

You entered the dorm without anyone paying you attention and made your way up. The hall was barely illuminated but you already knew the way by heart as you've visited Steve a thousand times by now - 3rd floor, three sets of stairs and 25 steps each, the door with newly oiled hinges and someone's initials carved in the upper right corner. You knocked and waited a few moments, noticing soft footsteps approaching from the other side of the door, followed by a sound of keys jingling.

A set of crystal blue eyes landed on yours as the door opened, slightly widening as if he was expecting anyone but you. Another thing the universe has plotted for you, or against you - Steve's recently new roommate is none other than Bucky Barnes.

"Oh, James- um, hello,” you said with a soft tone, cheeks dusted with an embarrassing blush. You face-palmed internally at your inability to react normally and not embarrass yourself at least once. Jesus y/n, way to go.

Bucky wasn’t expecting you, but he hid his surprise way better than you. "Y/n, hey! And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Bucky?"

"At least once more as always, James."

Bucky's voice brought you back from your reverie. "So… are you coming to the pub with us or are you here in revenge because I completely forgot to return ”The Global History of World War II”? It's kinda long overdue,” he said with a sheepish grin.

"Yes, Bucky, that is my favorite pastime when I’m outside of the library," you chuckled light-heartedly, basking in the feeling that he’s comfortable enough around you to be playful and at ease. "Full time student, part-time librarian, book vigilante out of campus for good measure,” you teased, elated when you see that it brought a smile to James' face.

"But now that we're on the topic, you don't have to worry about that. Steve told me that you've been really busy with a big history project for your modern world history class because I noticed you weren't coming by the library, so I took the liberty of extending the loan on your book for you."

"Wow, pays off having an inside connection at the college library, that's for sure." Despite his playful demeanour, Bucky's features softened into a genuine, grateful smile. "Thank you, y/n.”

There was softness in his gaze that was disarming. He often looked at you like that, as if you were something precious and endearing, but you never allowed yourself to think that he might be feeling anything other than friendly affection for you.

At times it made you wonder if there’s something more he was hinting at, but perhaps you’re just projecting your own feelings where they did not exist. You've never felt like this strongly about anyone, and it's evident that you’re reluctant to allow yourself to have hope because his rejection would be a sting you weren't ready to experience.

"Nothing to thank me for, really. I know how much that class means to you."

"By the way - you asked Steve about me?"

"I, well - I mean -uh. I did,” you stuttered your words and Bucky thought you were the prettiest thing he's ever. He noticed that you were flustered around him before, and he definitely stored that information in a special corner of his mind.

"You're punctual with your library visits, that'all. And I'm used to seeing you there, so of course I noticed you weren't coming as usual. Just wanted to check if everything is okay. It was actually kind of lonely without you around," the words slipped out before you even had the chance to stop yourself.

Bucky's heartbeat increased hearing you say that. You were lonely without him.

"Well then, I'll have to make sure to come by more frequently and I'll definitely let you know about future absences. Wouldn't want to worry my favourite librarian now, would I?" Bucky said, gently tapping your nose with his index finger and reveling in watching you try to compose your flustered gaze and widened eyes. "You-" a breathy laugh passed your lips, "are incorrigible."

Bucky found you absolutely adorable. He noticed the way you act around him. He's felt your stolen glances in the library. You've never admitted it though, and Bucky is left to speculate. He burns with the desire to ask you how you feel, but he fears pushing you away just as you were getting closer.

“Oh my god, I can't believe I'm making you stand in the doorway, come in.” He moved aside, motioning with his outstretched hand for you to enter. “Steve is in the shower, his football practice was longer than he thought.”

You stood awkwardly, playing nervously with your hands. It’s strange how Bucky made you both comforted and nervous at the same time. “That's okay, I'll just wait in his room. We can go when he's done.”

Bucky hummed in agreement, his eyes analysing your figure and motioning to the thin sweater you wore. “Y/n, is that all you brought? It must be cold outside.”

“Yeah, well, you know me. It was nice outside when I left the dorm this noon and I didn't plan ahead. Actually, the wind was kinda freezing to be honest,” you shrugged as Bucky gave you a disapproving look, as he always did when you failed to look after yourself.

He paused for a second as if he was mulling over a thought, and then he took off the black hoodie he was wearing. Your face burned hotter than a furnace as the t-shirt beneath rose up, revealing his hips and the heavy muscles of his abdomen. He put the hoodie over your head and the closeness of his body to yours made you light-headed. “Come on, arms through the sleeves. There we go.”

The hoodie was warm, like everything else he wore. If you glimpsed inside his soul you might even find that his whole being is fuelled by the sun.

He delicately took your hair out from the inside of the hoodie and tucked the stray pieces behind your ears, letting his touch linger before retracting his hand, gliding a finger along your jaw. It felt like traces of fire were left where his fingers had touched you.

“You keep giving me your clothes.”

”And you keep forgetting yours. Maybe you're doing this on purpose,” he said quietly.

I'm not but I might start doing so, the little voice inside your mind spoke against your better judgment. You looked at each other for another moment before the door opened abruptly and Steve came out followed by steam coming out of the bathroom.

Bucky was unnerved by the interruption but he tried to hide it. Steve looked at the two of you raising his eyebrows with a knowing look, especially when he noticed you dressed in Bucky’s hoodie, and sent a pointed look your way that suspiciously meant ‘we’re so talking about this later.’

Bucky moved out of the way while Steve hurried towards and tackled you into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much! I need to get you out of that library more often. You’re seeing Bucky more than you’re seeing me.” He pouted and you rolled your eyes, squishing his cheeks.

“How can a six-foot something human act like such a baby,” you teased. “I’ve missed you too. Now go get dressed, go!” You gently pushed him towards his room. “Nat and Sam are waiting for us.”

You took your phone to send a message to Nat that you’ll be arriving soon, completely oblivious of Bucky’s inner turmoil of feelings caused by seeing you and Steve interact so naturally. He wasn’t jealous of his childhood friend, he knew Steve’s heart like his own and there was not one tiny seed of thought that Steve harboured romantic feelings towards you or that he would hurt Bucky in such a way.

Bucky was jealous of the closeness Steve has with you, the light-hearted nature, the way you didn’t hesitate to hug him or touch him. He wanted that with you, he wanted to be the one your hands instinctively reach out to.

The feelings that were brewing are irrational, he knew this. He also knew that he was slowly snapping at the edges, stitch by stitch, and if he didn’t confess to you soon, the feelings pulsating like a dying star would go full on supernova.

"There she issssss, finally, finally!" Nat hurried towards you, hands outstretched expecting a hug that you gladly offered.

"You're late. You guys are late. Late for a group get-together, y/n! Was your nose stuck in a book again? Is the library holding you hostage?" She teased, as her voice held nothing but giddiness. Nat’s genuinely happy to finally see you out and about.

"And my nose would still be there if you didn't drag me all the way here,” you repled to her, a playful smile on your lips. It's been forever since the last group hangout, and you sorely missed them.

"Steve was running late so we waited for him, Nat. We didn't mean for you guys to wait- hang on, where Sam?" You looked around the bar, but you didn't see him.

“Said he's rain checking, sudden emergency but nothing serious. He might be joining us later.” You nodded, a little bummed because you haven't seen him in a while and he was always good company to have around.

Nat scaned you up and down, trying to be unobtrusive about it so she doesn't make you uncomfortable or give you a chance to hide something from her. She’s been worried about you lately because you were pulling all-nighters often, going to classes, working part-time in the library.

Not to mention venting to her at 3am when you should be asleep how you think you're falling in love with Bucky and how frightened you were about it.

She was expecting you to shut down from exhaustion at any moment. However, she's glad to see you in a better shape than she expected. Even with your slightly dark circles indicating lack of sleep, you seemed somehow lighter, happier.

After a few drinks and a laughing fit about a story Steve recounted from his and Bucky's childhood that made James flush in embarrassment, Nat sighed and placeed her hand on your forearm.

"Is that yours?" she said, feeling the material of your oversized black hoodie between her fingers. "I don't recall you having this, did you get it when we were at the mall last week?"

You were checking your class schedule on your phone and replied absent-mindedly, not even registering what your words would make Nat think. "It's not mine, it's Bucky's. He let m- ouch! Nat! What was that for?" Her eyes are slightly opened in shock, her fingers pinching you hard where she was touching the hoodie earlier.

The devilish grin appearing on her face made you regret saying anything to her in the first place. She will never let you hear the end of this. "You sly little- Bucky's? Is there something you're not telling me? I can't believe you kept this information to yourself. Tell me everything, and tell me now."

She gave you a pointed look you knew all too well when she saw the hesitation on your face. "Babe, you know I will find a way to find out. Please don't make me grind my ass for answers on why my best friend is wearing the hoodie of the man she's secretly pining for."

You continued your hushed conversation while you recount what has happened, not noticing that someone has been listening to everything you've been talking about as you and Nat were not as silent as you thought you were.

Bucky's thoughts were going a thousand miles a minute. You were pining for him. He was right. I mean, you didn't even negate what Nat said. That must mean something, right? Silence could be interpreted as agreeing, especially knowing how guarded you were and would have defended yourself on the spot.

But you didn't. You have feelings for him. And there's an additional something that made him smile even wider - you just called him Bucky for the first time since he met you.

“Hey.” Bucky felt your hand on his shoulder, interrupting him in the middle of reading a paragraph. He turned his head to look up at you, your face apologetic.

“Hey.” He circled around in his chair to give you full attention, which was all you needed to push away your guilt for interrupting his studying.

“You wanna go to the history section with me? I think I found the book you asked for last week, the one about the most influential battles of the twentieth century? We could look for it together. Plus you've been sitting slouched for hours too, you need to stretch your legs.” Bucky’s heart soared at the invitation and your concern over his well-being, and he nodded in silent agreement while hastily bookmarking the page in his textbook.

You walked to the back of the library, searching the number of the bookshelf you saw written on your computer. “Section 1…..2….ah here, we go.”

You approached the shelf marked as 3. You felt him hovering near you in silence, and you felt the very atoms in the air vibrate with his presence. You were acutely aware of his every step. Your soft footsteps were muffled by the carpet as you finally spotted the book, high up and just out of your reach. Lifting yourself up on the tips of your toes, you reached as high as your hand allows you and all you managed was to brush the spine of the book with your fingertips.

Without warning, you suddenly felt his chest flush against your back as he stood behind you and reached over your fingers to take the book from the shelf. His fingers ghosted over yours for a moment, and you whipped your head around, completely flustered by his actions. By the time you noticed how close you were, it was already too late as you sensed his hot breath mixing with yours. He towered over you, deep in thought and with a look in his eyes that had the appearance of a brewing storm, the book long forgotten.

Both of you stood stunned, gazes fixed into each other's eyes. You couldn’t stop thinking of how Bucky's irises you once thought were like the summer sky suddenly appeared green. The dying sunlight casted its rays through the windows straight into his eyes, and it suddenly made sense how the sunny yellow mixed with his blues gave a beautiful green. Bucky broke the trance you were caught in when he placed his left index finger under your chin to make you look up at him, while his other hand slowly inched closer to your face, brushing your cheek with a gentle, feathery touch.

"Eyelash." The low baritone of his voice in this close proximity made your blood rush straight to your cheeks and in between your legs. Wait, what? Did you just- ? You have always reacted to him innocently, with butterflies in your stomach and a warm blush on your cheeks, but it was never this physical before.

Not like you haven't thought about it, but it was just harmless daydreaming and to get this reaction out of you by simply touching you in innocent places bewildered you. The intensity of the moment catches you off guard, nervousness gradually setting in but something keeps you firmly in place. He glanced at your lips as his breathing got deeper and laboured, like the air he was breathing had become as thick as honey. He deeply inhaled once, and exhaled shakily, as if he was fighting an internal battle. His control was hanging by a thread which snapped the moment he saw your eyes look down at his lips while you slightly parted yours.

In a moment of complete lack of self-control, he dived and captured your lips in eagerness as you immediately reciprocated the kiss, the two of you acting like magnets unable to fight the pulling force for connection. None of you knew who actually initiated the kiss but the sense of shock lasted but a second, and your body took over as you placed your hands at the nape of his neck, fingers lost in his silky, dark locks of hair.

Bucky's lips were soft, softer than you expected, and he was kissing you both delicately and with the fervour of someone who has waited a lifetime to do this. Bucky cradled your head with both of his hands, tilting it upwards to get better access to your lips, his heart wishing to turn this into something more heated but his brain holding him back so in fear of scaring you away.

The gratification you both felt of getting to act upon the pent up desires and bottled up feelings was beyond words, and it brought about a new wave of emotions that burned from within. Bucky gently licked your bottom lip, and his blood sang in his veins when you softly moaned, accelerating his heartbeat.

He captured your lips over and over again, his tongue dancing with yours with each wet, warm press of his lips that drove you insane. You reciprocated every kiss and every touch, your hands digging into his shoulder blades in an attempt to alleviate the intensity you feel, while his hands moved agonisingly slow down your spine until he reached your lower back and pushed you impossibly close against his body.

You placed your fingers over his lips so both of you could catch a breath as your lungs screamed for air. Bucky pressed his forehead to yours, lips swollen as your faces radiated a pleasant warmth. Bucky gave you a chaste, sweet kiss just as a sudden slam of the library door sounds off and it harshly brought you back to Earth.

The air was filled with uneven breaths as you broke the kiss, your gazes still locked on the swollen lips of the other. Reality came crashing down on you, like icy cold water poured straight onto your head as you’re cruelly snapped back to present.

What has just happened? You weren't even thinking. How could you when all reason went to hell when his lips as soft as petals were just attached to yours? But now that your mind was clearing up, your insecurities rushed all at once in a fight of which one is going to prevail and ruin this for you.

You couldn’t believe you just did that. Oh my god.

Oh my god, oh my god. There was no way in hell that he liked you like that. Maybe he just wanted to kiss, and you were conveniently there. From what you recall, he kissed you first. Or did he? God, you couldn’t recall a thing. You couldn't even trust your thoughts at the moment. James Barnes kissing you first was an insane thought, even for you. Daydreaming about it was one thing, but it actually happening?

No way in hell. You were out of his league, and he deserved someone as outgoing, beautiful and confident as he is. The whole ordeal was foggy to your overreacting mind, still under the influence of his lips. But James is kinder than that. He’d never be so cruel as to lead you on, his actions up until now resonated only with kindness and respect.

You guessed you must have kissed him first as that was the only thought you had when he had you pressed against the bookshelf. He probably didn't reject you because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. That had to be it, right?

Nothing made sense to you anymore, and each new thought contradicted the previous one. Insecurities fought against rationality. That was definitely no ordinary kiss, but you're so overwhelmed that you couldn't even think straight, heart rapidly pounding in your chest.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Bucky's voice was low, rich with warmth and worry, looking down at you as if your internal turmoil is etched on your face.

It was too much, the kiss, his warm hands holding you; the affection he so freely offered but you were reluctant to accept, the insecurity of not being good enough for someone like him but being in love with him nonetheless - if all hit you like a wave.

“I- I'm-”you tried speaking but not one coherent word came out of you as your mind drew a complete blank.