#ksana writes stuff

[talenevertold]

I love your love – untie it, entwine it (A KoiTsudu Fanfic)

Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, Smut... but mostly smut... I counted the pages, yes, I know the percentage  

***   ***   ***

It bugged him that she didn’t know how much he wanted her.

Or rather, she knew… to an extent.

They’ve been married for five months now, Nanase knew he had healthy sexual drive towards her… It’s just… she never grasped just how MUCH and how OFTEN he wanted her! His little soft wife, the most positive person he ever knew, who believed the best in the worst of people, who believed in herself professionally more and more each day – somehow, she’d managed to bypass building her self-esteem as a woman completely! In her world, Kairi was a god living on a pedestal of light and love, and she wasn’t worthy of him. In any way, shape or form. Especially, form.

***   ***   ***

He hated that part of himself so much! That part that didn’t know how to communicate this powerful, all-consuming need to have her, and hold her, and protect her and make her happy! Words! He needed words and the ones he had would always end up stuck in his throat or come out twisted. Nanase would startle, her eyes wide with worry, apologize in a deep respectful bow and get very quiet for a while. And he could almost see how she’d make yet another note in her mental notebook called ‘How not to upset my perfect husband, Volume 7 out of XX’.

Kairi Tendo, brilliant cardio surgeon, all around smart guy, was so dumb when it mattered the most! He vowed to himself so many times to hold his temper, to leash his arrogance and treat her better than that… but it was so damn hard! That stupid advice from long ago – to let life and work mix up and enjoy the chaos – was finally bringing results and not the ones he’d hoped for! Nanase was his wife, the most precious person whose smile and kind heart was vital to his survival – and yet she was also his nurse, quite promising and quickly improving specialist who cared too much, meddled enough, sometimes stood in the way and ever so rarely made mistakes. Teaching her, even reprimanding her, was a part of his job. And his personality was well suited for this, for being brutally honest and quick to judge. But Kairi couldn’t shake off the feeling that the same way Nanase brought her love and care for him to work – he’d bring his ‘sensei mode’ back home.

***   ***   ***

He yelled at her this morning. She was taking off the night shift, he was taking on the day shift, they’d cross paths only for her to update him and his day nurse on couple of critical post-op patients they had in the ICU. She’d stumbled with couple of overly-scientific words, took few moments too long to find the blood work results – and before he could catch himself, the devil in him called Tendo Nanase stupid. Out loud. In front of people. For real, this time.

She flinched, bowed, finished her report quickly and left. Without raising her eyes to him. And it hurt so much! And the fact that Nanase avoided his eyes because she believed to have disappointed him hurt that much more!

He was a demon indeed! Now he understood! Vile creature redeemed only by the fact that he had an angel for a wife… Whatever has he done in his previous lives to deserve her? Because Kairi was confident he did nothing significant enough to deserve her in this one! Or, alternatively, what could she possibly have done to deserve him as a punishment? Probably, not the case – Nanase was too bright of a soul to work off any past sins. She was light. And he was the monster.

***   ***   ***

At lunch hour, the nurse brought in a package. With his lunch box and a note from his wife. ‘Hope you’ll like this omurice, sensei. I promise to strive to be a better nurse… and a better cook. Remember to take care of yourself as you are very important to your patients and to me. Love, Nanase’. She’d also doodled little hearts and a smiling kitten. His ever-so-positive wife was trying to cheer him up.

Omurice was ok, but considering Tendo didn’t have breakfast this morning, it was amazing! While chewing on the chicken fried rice, he though absentmindedly that Nanase didn’t know how to cook omurice not so long ago. She must’ve added it to the long list of things she needed to learn in order ‘to be a better wife’ after he’d complimented the omurice they had at the restaurant this weekend. His wife would spend every waking moment free of studying or cleaning on googling recipes – for whatever reason Nanase believed it was her wifely duty to keep their home tidy and her husband well fed. Or, rather, she believed these were the skills she could master enough. For the rest of her ‘wifely duties’ Nanase was genuinely and heartbreakingly grateful to Kairi for ‘settling’ and ‘accepting her inexperience, clumsiness and shyness’. And it bugged him to no end how utterly wrong she was in this particular aspect! Of all the things! THIS was not him ‘settling’ for her, THIS was what surprised him the most straight from the beginning, how it’d hit him like a truck and knocked the breath out of him and he still couldn’t make sense of how MUCH and how OFTEN he couldn’t see straight and function properly because his body was filled with the NEED for his wife!

***   ***   ***

It wasn’t always like this for him. Kairi was never shy or anything but natural arrogance prevented him from developing deep enough connections for them to become physical – up until his university days. When you’re dealing with life and death on daily basis, things like ‘long-term’ and ‘waiting for the right time’ become less meaningful and less constricting. Sex becomes causality, something people do to relieve stress and have a bit of hormone rush. That is not to say Tendo Kairi was mundane about it – he took time and effort to become exceptional in it too, if not for anything other than being efficient and considerate of his partners.

But after Minori… he just didn’t care enough about life in general, other than lives of patients in his care. His physical excretion was dedicated to jogging and his hormones were forced to take a really long vacation.

Up until the point he’d met Sakura Nanase for the second time in his life.

Kairi couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment when his general aversion to her antics turned into mild curiosity, then to soft appreciation and then, out of nowhere and all of a sudden, into majestic rainbow of feelings and emotions. And the least one Kairi expected was desire. Primitive, possessive, gut-wrenching lust for a little shy virgin with baby deer eyes and all the trust of the world shining in them! Nanase was so far away from his type that, as he ran towards her, his ‘type’ got lost behind the horizon and all that was left was her. Her forever-blushing cheeks, her soft hair, her clean scent… and his need to possess all of it, day and night, just him and always more!

***   ***  ***

Tendo Kairi was a practical man and once he’d realized that his girlfriend, Sakura Nanase, was ‘it’ for him – he’d accepted it and moved on. He never argued with himself regarding his ‘type’ and ‘standards’, never looked for faults in her appearance or tried to compare her with anyone from his past. He was forever grateful to Nanase for waking him up and proving he wasn’t dead inside – and that included his male drive.

However, that awakening soon proven to be too much to handle for normally cold-blooded and composed doctor. His naïve and inexperienced girlfriend knew she drove him mad with her mishaps and quirks… but she had no idea she drove him up the wall with desire just by being present!

It was so hard when they’d started dating…

That first time he’d kissed her and felt his entire body respond to her closeness… and how he stood behind her door thinking of the reasons to come in and do more ‘medical treatment’ kisses all over her skin… but then… Nanase was so pure, so innocent, so shook with all the events of that day… and so he waited.

The time she got jealous of Miori and tried letting him go… and he wanted to kiss her tears away… lock her in his arms and dispel her worries with the heat building up in his body…

And then hotel room… Her innocent plea to be gentle for her first time… Kairi held his breath when he felt Nanase approaching him… he prayed fervently… for her to do something, ANYTHING, to give him an excuse to respond… but also for her to keep her distance because he wasn’t sure he could be gentle with so much fire burning inside of him. So, when Nanase wished him ‘good night’ and felt asleep immediately after, Tendo was somewhat relieved… and hugely disappointed. And the chaste kiss he gave her that night did nothing to quench his thirst… again.

These moments were piling up and up and up… Until one day, about a week after Sakura was discharged after her accident… they played Jenga.

***   ***   ***

Jenga was supposed to be innocent enough game, something to keep Tendo focused on something else other than the girl beside him. That fresh-out-of-the-shower, wearing-loose-sweater-over-sports-bra girl with her hair still slightly wet and her skin still slightly flushed from hot water. She smelled of soap and happiness and that scent was making Kairi light-headed and heavy in the same time. The way she was biting her lower lip when she’d focused on her next move… the tilt of her head and dreamy expression when she was watching him… how was any of that not intentional, Tendo didn’t know!

Right before he was about to take out another risky block, Sakura tagged on her sweater to wipe out droplets of water rolling down her collarbones and sighted:

-          I probably should dry my hair after all…

Kairi refocused his gaze on her fingers sliding across the collar of the sweater. He opened his lips to respond and realized his mouth was too dry to talk. Sakura’s palm traveled back to the back of her neck and she’d stretched, swaying a bit in her sitting position. She looked at him and asked:

-          Sensei, please, wait till I’m back before you make your move, I need to see which one you took.

He nodded still not capable of coherent sounds. Nanase stood up and made half a step towards her bathroom when her knees buckled and she felt back down, landing inches away from him. She tried to break her fall by grabbing Tendo by the shirt but only ended up bumping their foreheads together. Sakura yelped and rubbed her forehead quickly, all while chattering her apologies:

-          Ah, sensei, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry, my leg fell asleep and I stumbled and I..! I’m so clumsy, sensei, it was all my fault!

Her eyes were fixed on his forehead, assessing the damage she thought she’d caused. Sakura looked back into his eyes, her voice a little raspy with worry:

-          Do you have a headache? Feel dizzy? Loosing focus in your vision?

Tendo noticed her eyes searching his face – his little nurse was assessing him for signs of brain trauma. He was about to make a comment that her head, no matter how hard, could not have damaged him that much… and then a memory crossed his mind. He did the same thing tree weeks ago… searched her eyes for pupils dilation, checked her pulse… she assured him she was fine back then… and he trusted her… and almost lost her…

Barely visible scar on her forehead will soon fade and be concealed by the hairline. She was back to work already and perfectly healthy. Yet, he couldn’t shake off the dread that broke into his chest and froze over his heart. He could have lost her. Not a single doctor in their hospital told him ‘It’s going to be ok’. Because he would know they were lying. And none of them was sure enough to tell him the truth. He could have lost her.

Stark contrast between cold spreading through his limbs and her warm presence so near him made Tendo shiver. Nanase noticed and took her fingers off his forehead:

-          What is it, sensei? How can I help?

The sincerity, the plea in her voice, so gentle, so honest, so in love… broke the ice that was binding him. Tendo grabbed her by the waist and hugged her tight to his chest, making her straddle his thighs. Nanase stilled for a second and then instinctively tried to pull away, too embarrassed by this new closeness to male body. Kairi didn’t let go, instead borrowing his face into crook of her neck, inhaling deeply her sweet, pulsing scent. So intoxicating, so alive!

-          Shh, Sakura, please…

The girl in his arms stopped struggling and he felt her feather-like touch hugging him around the waist. She whispered softly:

-          Tell me, what do you need?

Kairi turned his head and planted soft kiss just behind her ear, eliciting half-sight, half-moan out of his beloved captive. He did it again, tracing kisses down her neck, feeling her chest rise and fall quickly as her breathing became quick and shallow. Sakura’s fingers clutched his shirt from behind, digging into his back and injecting his nerves with electricity and short-circuiting his muscles. Tendo clenched his teeth before he could bite the tender skin on her shoulder and said in barely audible voice:

-          Please… just… please…

Sakura brought one of her hands and rested in between his shoulder blades, patting his back a little. That was probably supposed to be reassuring and calming motion but seeing how it flushed her body against his and she was still straddling his thighs – it was anything but! Nanase, still frustratingly oblivious to the storm she was wrecking with her innocent movements, asked him again:

-          What? Sensei, did you say something?

Kairi straightened and caught her face in his palms, locking her eyes – her deep, baby-deer-big eyes – with his. There was no fear in them or discomfort – just trust and love, so, so much love! Kairi said in low steady voice, making sure she understood everything this time:

-          Stay. With me. Tonight… be mine.

She knew what he’d meant. Tendo felt her body stiffened as Sakura stopped breathing and her eyes shot even bigger than before. Something flashed across her face, something shy and scared. Kairi kissed her cheek, then the other, feeling her small form relax into his embrace. Her eyes were still worried though, so he asked softly not to spook her:

-          Do you… not want to?

It couldn’t be it, right? She tried to seduce him before, for God’s sake! But maybe… maybe it wasn’t the night? What if it wasn’t that ‘right time’ girls like her romanticized so much in their virgin dreams about Prince Charming? Or was it him… not being Prince Charming enough?

Nanase swallowed hard and Tendo’s heart stilled anticipating her answer:

-          I don’t want to, - Sakura bowed her head, averting his gaze and Tendo felt his blood stopping in his veins, - …disappoint you.

Tidal wave of relief almost knocked Kairi over and all the tension that was holding him in place escaped with a groan. He grabbed Sakura by the shoulders and shook her a bit, making her look at him again. It was still there, the fear he saw in her eyes! But his shy virgin girlfriend wasn’t scared of him or being with him this way – she was scared of herself! Of her inexperience… and her disappointing him.

To be honest, Tendo never engaged with younger women before specifically for this reason – he didn’t want the responsibility of being ‘the first one’ because of all the expectations and all the awkwardness attached. But with Nanase… his fragile and strong sakura flower… he cherished the honor of being the first one! And passionately hoped for the privilege of being ‘the only one ever’ in the future to come! To have her give herself only to him, to find his home inside her body and soul, to have and to hold… his Nanase, only his, his first and only Nanase!

Containing so much desire and love was getting too much for Kairi and he began to tremble. He closed his eyes, listening to blood thundering and beating like a drum in his head – his body’s demand to do something, ANYTHING, before he combusted!

Only then he looked at Sakura, realizing he still hasn’t said anything to her confession. She was biting her lower lip and glancing back and forth between him and the floor, waiting for some sort of judgement on her adequacy. ‘Am I not… sexy enough?’, his memory supplied. Why?! Why, oh, why would she ever doubt it? Did she not feel his body burning underneath her? Did she not hear his blood singing under her fingertips? Did she not see the hunger in his eyes, the primal need to devour here and now?

No, she didn’t. On the back of his mind, Tendo registered a snarky remark that experienced nurse was supposed to know the tell-tale signs of male arousal – especially, since he was showing all of them at once – but the bigger and smarter part of his brain shushed the demon away and supplied the answer – she really didn’t know! She wasn’t his nurse right now – Nanase was his girlfriend, young inexperienced woman he loved so much and wanted so badly his bones hurt! It would take some time for her – and some considerable effort from him – to show her just how sexy she was to him and how there was absolutely no way she could displease him in any way!

Tendo said, his voice hoarse and strangled:

-          Sakura… my, my Sakura! You can never, ever disappoint me!

-          But… um… sensei…

Tendo pressed a finger to her lips, momentarily transfixed with sensing her wet mouth under his touch. He rushed into the kiss, possessing her with unreserved passion, swallowing her surprised moan. Nanase swayed – not away from him but into him – and circled his neck, locking them into the frenzied kiss for as long as they could survive without air. Her lips parted in sigh and Kairi took the opportunity to taste her, to caress her tongue with his, inviting Sakura to respond. Her first movement was unsure, even lost… but Sakura was nothing if not persistent and eager to learn! She took her cues from Tendo’s labored breathing, groans rumbling deep in his chest – and soon she’d danced the dance too, meeting Kairi half-way, touch for touch and kiss for kiss!

Tendo broke away first, heaving like crazy and willing himself to release her hair – he must’ve left bruises on her sculp with how tightly he held her. But then again, she didn’t complain… Would she complain if he caused her pain?

Tendo shook his head to chase away this ugly thought and looked at Nanase. Evening settled around them and her face was only lit by the dim light of a nightstand lamp. Even so, Tendo could see that Sakura was bright shade of red and trying to blow some cool air down her chest without him noticing. Oh, he noticed! And no matter how proud Kairi was to bring her to this state over a short period of time, he was not about to cause his girlfriend a heat stroke on their first night together!

Kairi proposed tenderly, almost shyly, tugging on the hem of her sweater:

-          May I? Take this off, I mean…

He felt like he needed to add this little explanation as Nanase may think a whole range of things including him asking her to borrow the sweater. Tendo chose to be very specific about wanting to undress the woman in front of him and waited patiently for her to respond, still tagging on the sweater.

Nanase closed her eyes for a moment, her shoulders bunching in defensively… but when she’d opened them again, Tendo saw her determination to brace the challenge, as she nodded and raised her hands above her head. Kairi chuckled silently – his little hero was getting ready to be judged by him on the merits of her body and it probably took a lot to go for it like this – and he was more than ready to unwrap the gift he waited for since forever.

His hands dove under fabric to touch the warm skin. He started from the waistband of her sweatpants, palm tracing up the sides of her body, slowly, very slowly. Kairi tried to commit to memory the look on her face when he caressed her stomach with his thumbs… the way her eyes rolled a bit when he draw lines around the sides of her breasts… how Sakura leaned into him when he was tugging the sweater over her head… and then she was free. And he was doomed.

She was perfect. Sakura, his woman-to-be, was perfect. She wasn’t too thin, so no bones were sticking out anywhere – instead, soft curves of her belly immediately gave Tendo all kinds of biting fantasies and an urgent desire to mark her that way. Then he’d noticed she had a scar – just under the left collarbone – and Kairi made a mental mark to ask Nanase about it later. Her breasts, still clad in sports bra, were not too big and just the right size to fit into his palm – they teased him to check the fit right away with how they were dancing under his unblinking gaze and with Sakura’s nervous breathing. His hand twitched uncontrollably but stilled in the air. There was something he had to do before that… right? What was it?

Tendo looked at his hand suspended between them, looked at Sakura’s waiting face, noticed how she’d pressed her lips together as if trying to keep some words from spilling out – and it dawned on him. He exhaled, putting all the conviction and passion in his body into this answer to her unspoken question:

-          You are so beautiful, Sakura. And you are so sexy, I am… it’s hard to breathe…

His hand came back to his body, clutching the front of his shirt, trying to untie the knot of nerves and anticipation tangled in his chest. He looked back at Sakura, trying to see whether she’d believed him earlier – but she was looking at his chest, her eyes squinted, as if considering something. When Sakura met his gaze again, Kairi raised an eyebrow questioningly – was she really checking for some another symptom regarding his problems with breathing? Now?!

Sakura surprised him by touching her fingers to the top button on his shirt:

-          May I?

The problem with breathing may well kill him seeing how he’d stopped doing that altogether! Nanase… wanted to… undress him! Kairi nodded, both his hands falling to the floor beside him to ground in for the tornado spiraling around.

Sakura unbuttoned his short meticulously, practically, tugging a bit to get to the buttons hidden inside his suit pants. When the shirt finally split in the middle, she touched her right hand to Kairi’s throat, softly tracing the veins, the hollow, down the middle of his chest, circling the bellybutton – until she touched the belt buckle. Sakura followed the same path again, this time with both hands on his body, splaying her fingers wide to touch as much of him as she could. She didn’t go far for when her nails grazed his nipples, Tendo hissed and launched towards her. His vision was blurry, his body taught as a bow string – and his virgin seducer looked at him with almost scientific interest! Tendo licked her mouth and sucked in the lower lip, making Sakura dig her nails into his chest again. She whimpered in protest when Kairi released her but then he’d whispered into her lips:

-          Do it again.

Sakura tried kissing him but Kairi leaned back. She caught him by the neck, and he resisted still. He wanted something of her – and Sakura gave in:

-          Do what again?

Tendo unclenched her arms from around his neck and brought her hands to his chest. He leaned in, his lips brazing her shoulder, his voice low and needy:

-          Nails… again… please…

Instead, Nanase pushed him back so she could look at him and he could look at her. She crooked her head as if thinking something over, her fingers flexing ever so lightly over his flamed-up skin. Sakura bent her head, her lips trembling, and kissed one of the red marks on his chest, making Tendo throw his head up and moan loudly. He forgot all about his previous plea – wet sloppy kisses worked too, yes, please, more!

Sakura kissed him again, and again, and again… Tendo’s fingers grabbed shabby carpet so tight his knuckles became white – he was trying so hard to control himself when all he wanted was to throw her down on the floor and consume her whole, make her fall apart under his body, claim her!

His control was running out and Sakura was not making it easy for him – her touches, her kisses, wet traces she left with careful licks of his skin were leaving invisible marks all over his chest, exquisitely pleasurable marks of her claim over him! Not able to hold off any longer, Tendo let go of the carpet – and was stopped midway by his lover’s uncertain voice:

-          Will you… teach me?

Tendo shook his head to clear it up, looking incredulously at his amazing temptress – was she still doubting her ability to turn him on? He rushed to answer before Nanase took his gesture the wrong way:

-          There’s only one rule to his game, Sakura. I’ll teach you… but you will also teach me, ok?

The look of surprise and confusion would’ve been comical… if Tendo could see past the fact that she was half-naked and in his arms. Nanase asked, focusing on her palm laying on his chest:

-          What can I teach you? I don’t…

Tendo quickly bent his head to snatch the rest of whatever ridiculous statement she was about to make with a kiss. He said just as quickly to stop this line of self-doubt:

-          Teach me about yourself, Nanase. If I do something you like – tell me. If I do something you don’t like – absolutely tell me, immediately! Promise me!

Nanase raised her head and looked at him. Not saying anything. Kairi pressed on:

-          Sakura, please, promise me! I need to learn how to be with you so I can teach you how to be with me… Please…

And then Sakura smiled. And that wasn’t her shy smile, her humorous smile or even her happy smile. It was the one Tendo haven’t seen before… Sakura’s first woman’s smile. Mysterious and knowing and seductive as hell! If only she knew how much power she held over him!

Sakura said with a nod:

-          I promise. And…

-          And?

-          Sensei, all the things we did earlier… I liked.

And that smile again. Kairi wondered if she was using it deliberately already, commanding spasms all over his frenzied body at will. If she knew, she was damn good at it! If she didn’t know – she was a natural!

 Then Sakura did something unpredictable, yanking her bra off in one quick, practiced move and tossing it aside. Tendo bent in half as if from the gut punch and froze, his eyes fixated on her naked breasts perking up at him invitingly. His hands reached out automatically and stopped so close… so close he could feel magnetic pull of her flash on his fingertips, like static charge.

-          May I? – he asked, his voice hopeful, pleading.

Sakura answered simply but with so much weight in her voice, leaning into his touch and closing the short distance:

-          Yes, please…

That touch felt like a shot of strong alcohol, spreading liquid warmth from his fingers directly to his neither regions, making all the throbbing and tension in his pants even more painful and urgent. Tendo grinded his teeth, adamant to not let his primal male brain take over – but it was near impossibility with Sakura’s tender flash so close to him, so willing, so responsive! She arched into his palm, her head thrown back in a deep moan when his fingers squeezed her pebbled nipples and tugged a little. Her hands shot up and Sakura grabbed his shirt collar for leverage, making Kairi loose his balance and drop on top of her, pressing her to the floor. Nanase gasped when their bodies touched, feeling tingling sensation sparkling all over her skin. Tendo detached for just a second to yank off his shirt making Sakura whine at the lost of his intoxicating presence over her body. She reached out to him:

-          Sensei…

Kairi came back, laying between her bent legs, cradling her head with one hand and searching all the soft and sensitive spots he could reach to with the other. He explored with abandonment, lost in his own world built of Sakura’s trembling and crushed whispering. Sometime through the haze of desires, each one more demanding that the other, he’s heard Sakura call out to him:

-          Sensei…

He breathed out:

-          Yes?

-          Sensei… teach me…

She placed her hands over his shoulders and tentatively followed the outline of his back muscles, digging her nails in just a little, the way he liked it before. Tendo bit into her shoulder, buckling into her body and seeing sparks behind tightly shot eyelids. He growled:

-          Sakura… later… I won’t… last.

She stilled underneath him, still holding him tight in her arms. Her felt her lips brush over his chest when Nanase whispered:

-          Then… what? Do I…

-          Trust me.

-          Always.

Her answer was immediate even though he didn’t form it as a question. He would never ask her that for Kairi knew that his little brave angel trusted him unequivocally, beyond any doubt and reason. Still, this admission of her purest love for him made something shift in him, cooling him off in a good way, giving him enough clarity to hold on just a little longer.

Kairi licked over the bite mark on her shoulder, tracing down along her collarbone, kissing her openly and hungrily. Her breasts tasted so sweet, her cherry-stone nipples so sensitive under his tongue and fingers – Tendo drank in her cries, her hopeless pleas for more, and more, and more… The way she’d grabbed his hair and pulled down to bring his lips to her wanting body… The way her hips grinded against his erection making Tendo almost cry with pain and pleasure…

Kairi made his way down her body excruciatingly slow, making sure to taste every piece of it, savor every spasm and every incoherent sound she’d make, every convulsive tug of his hair… When he finally reached the waistband of her sweatpants, Tendo looked up at Nanase – her lips swollen, eyes hooded, her expression dazed. Before he could ask yet another ‘May I?’, Sakura raised her hips and let go of his hair, placing her hands of the floor for balance. Tendo worked her sweatpants together with her underwear off, not taking his eyes off her face, looking for any glimpse of fear or confusion. There weren’t any. Nanase looked at him with trust… and anticipation… and challenge… and that smile again.

Tendo’s nostrils flared. Predator in him, primal male creature, detected new scent, something to be hunted till the end of the Earth. He finally looked down, to the little arrow of dark-brown curls contrasting so fine with her pale skin. Her legs were slightly apart, just enough of an angle to see where this arrow was pointing to… little droplets of moisture glistening in the dim lights of the room. That was the scent. Her scent that was only for him!

Gods, have mercy on him! The need to taste her and drink her up battled with equally strong need to be inside her right now, to get lost in her, to never come back… need to conquer, to own, to mark! Sakura, his Sakura, only his!

Sakura… the saving thought dropped on him like a handful of snow… his needs would wait! Her needs were more important now… they were more important always.

Kairi touched his hand to the dark triangle, enjoying the soft feeling of tight damp curls under his fingers. He pressed with his thumb down in the middle and when Sakura’s hips jerked, Tendo knew he’d found what he was looking her. He circled the little nub of nerves, teasing her with pressure and then almost letting go. Sakura covered her mouth with her palm, trying to muffle screams reverberating through her body – but Kairi took it away, repositioning himself lay to the side of her, hoovering over her face, whispering his words into her trembling lips:

-          Don’t, Nanase. Let me hear you.

Her circled her clitoris again, and again, flicked it – and Sakura moaned into his mouth:

-          Sensei… inside…

With her right hand Nanase yanked him down into feverish, all-consuming kiss, threatening remnants of Kairi’s self-control. Her left hand pressed on the lower part of her belly, trying to squeeze out that nagging feeling of something burning inside of her. The feeling increased with every touch of Tendo’s smart fingers, every circle he made added another rotation on a spring winding deep in her body. That spring was connected to every nerve, every muscle, every thought and every emotion within her, jumbling everything up in a fiery pit between her legs, making her cry out and into him.

Kairi knew the feeling. He knew what was missing inside her. That part of him that was missing also knew that, fighting its way out of constricting pants and into her eager body. But for now – Tendo was stronger!

Answering Sakura’s non-verbal pleas, Tendo touched two fingers to her entrance, pushing them inside slowly, knuckle by knuckle. He could’ve started with one, but she was so wet already, so wet! Her walls pulsed around his fingers, while he explored more with pressure, curling his fingers experimentally. At one point, Nanase sucked in her breath and bit her lip – and so Tendo stayed there, pressing on, learning the inside of her body like an instrument. He knew he could’ve done it quicker and more effective with his tongue between her legs, but that would robe him of a sight – and Sakura was a sight to behold! Tendo wanted – ney, he needed – to remember her right now, the first ever time he brought her pleasure, the beginning of her journey as a woman. His woman! Sakura’s eyes were open, but he didn’t think she saw anything… She’d stop breathing and start again with a throaty inhale… her lips moved but sometimes he couldn’t hear a sound… and sometimes only her sounds existed – her ‘ahhh’ and ‘yeeeees’ and ‘pleeease’ and ‘more’… Kairi’s favorite was ‘more’. She trembled and thrashed in his half-embrace… and then she’d stilled in half-raised arch… The spring reached its limit and unwinded with thunder rocking her body, replacing every cell of her body with a speck of light! And the feeling was so foreign yet so natural, it broke her in pieces and healed her, leaving her with numbing buzz! She suddenly felt so tired… so spent… yet she still wanted more!

The sound from above made Nanase open her eyes – Tendo looked at her victorious… and smug… and he was sucking on his fingers… and then Sakura remembered where those fingers were just now. She squeezed her eyes shot and slammed her thighs together – and heard Kairi chuckle:

-          Too late, baka… I already know what you taste like!

Sakura shook her head vigorously denying this thought from entering her mind – this was too scandalous to think of! Too intimate… too hot… she wanted it too much! And Tendo was too good at giving her ideas:

-          Next time you invite me to the ‘cream party’, we’re skipping directly to desert…

Nanase moaned, feeling heat pulling in her abdomen again, collecting traces of pleasure lingering in her body. She opened her eyes bravely and caressed his chest, tracing the outlines of his abs down to the ridge of his pants. Kairi tensed at the touched and hissed at his lover:

-          Sakura, wait…

-          Why, sensei?

-          Because… um… Oh, for fuck’s sake!

He sat up, dropping her hands off his body and groaned in frustration, yanking his hair with both hands. Nanase set up too, covering her breast shyly with one hand and reaching out to him hesitantly:

-          What is it, sensei? Did I do something…?

Tendo didn’t let her finish and take blame for his own stupidity – he caught her hand, opened it and planted a kiss to her palm, cradling his face in it. Nanase felt he was burning up, tremors shaking his body in waves – yet he tried breathing deeply to calm down. Why?

-          Sensei?

Barely audibly he said, apologetically:

-          I didn’t take any condoms… it was just a Jenga game… And Ryuko is home, I can’t go there like this…

By the end of it Kairi was almost crying, letting go of fantasies of her body around him. Until she took his face in both her palms and raised it to look at him:

-          Sensei, we’re both healthy, we’d just had our medical checkups and…

-          Nanase, it’s not only for…

-          … and I’m on a pill.

Tendo gulped, his eyes widening with found possibilities. Nanase took it as a question and rushed to explain:

-          It’s the hormonal treatment for…

-          I don’t care, - Tendo fell onto her, knocking her to the floor and swallowing the rest of her explanation with a deep searing kiss.

He did care. Kairi made a mental note to check on her medical condition later, consult with doctor Akai, their hospital’s top gynecologist, on whether it was the best treatment plan for whatever ailed her… but not now… now he was unimaginably grateful for this stroke of luck because it meant he didn’t have to stop now.

Kissing her felt different now. Now Tendo knew what she tasted like and could feel the notes of her intimate taste all over her skin. The scent of her arousal, tangy and spicy, tickled his nostrils, making his head spin as if he was drunk. He was drunk, actually – drunk on her naked body, splayed so openly beneath him, drunk on her hands drawing patterns on his skin, drunk on her touch when Nanase reached out and took hold of his belt buckle…

-          May I? – she whispered, mirroring his words from before.

Tendo buried his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply and trying to calm the frenzy ranging in his chest. Was he ready for this? For her hands so close to where he wanted them the most? Would he be able to take it?

Having decide to test himself, Kairi stood up, taking Sakura by the hand to help her rise up. Sakura kneeled before him, sitting back on her heels, her hand reaching out to his belt again. Tendo nodded.

Sakura unbuckled the clasp, slightly surprised how smooth her movements were, as if she wasn’t shaking head to toe from the anticipation of what she was about to uncovered. Maybe, it was her medical training – she did undress people before, many times – or maybe she was already in the eye of the hurricane, where everything was deceptively calm and only whistling sound in her ears reminded her that she is about to be snatched off the ground into dangerous whirlwind of their combined passion. Shaking her head to focus on the task at hand, Sakura repeated Tendo’s approach from before, easing both his pants and underwear off his hips and letting them drop, pooling around his ankles. Kairi stepped out slowly and shoved the clothes aside – and stilled again. Sakura followed that movement and then raised her eyes up, slowly, admiring her sculpted calves, thighs and then…

Sakura saw naked men before; she was a nurse after all. But not anyone who was beautiful… and so visibly wanting. His male member throbbed and jumped a bit under her gaze, vain bulging alongside its very impressive length. Nanase suddenly felt her mouth watering just thinking of what it would taste like… if she were only to taste a little… just a tip…

Tendo’s hands, clenched in tight fists, were glued to his sides, stopping him from touching her. He waited for Sakura’s inspection to be over, giving her time to get used to him like this. But when he saw Nanase licking her lips, reaching out to him, to that part of him – he intersected her hand immediately! Sakura looked at him questioningly, her voice sounding from afar, as if she was lost in some hypnotic trance:

-          Why? I thought it was my turn…

Kairi saw a white light furiously flashing across his sight and his knees almost buckled. Her touch – he wanted it so much! But… but…

-          Because I would die, Nanase. I’ll explode…

She bit her lip, not sure what to do next. Tendo leaned in and raised Sakura by the waist, making her sit on the bed. Crouching before her, he kissed her lips, her arms, taking more time to thoroughly lavish her breasts in licks and kisses and bites – until her body relaxed from the disappointment of his refusal and she leaned back inviting him to continue. Tendo said softly, in between covering her skin with imprints of his mouths:

-          This time… I will… love you. Next time… you can… if you want to… love me.

Sakura didn’t quite understand that suggestion but was willing to go with whatever – as long as it meant this tension inside her kept rising as it did now… and long as his body was melting into hers like it did now… as long as his kisses were getting closer and closer to…

-          Agh… sensei… unnnn… what… aaaah… are…

-          Shh, Nanase… all of you… is mine.

Her taste was stronger than before, more vivid – it was burning him with white fire, bringing him pleasure he didn’t know was possible on the giving end of this play. Her fingers, lost in the trusses of his hair again, flexed in unison with her body movements, instinctive waves of her hips to press into his mouth. Tendo hummed and the vibrations translated into Sakura’s scream, broken and commanding:

-          More!

And this time, he had more! Kairi gave her one more wide lick and then covered her body, pressing Sakura into bed. Her legs circled his hips, aligning them perfectly, and they both felt when his hardness found an entrance to her wet softness. Tendo slowed down to a glacial pace, savoring the feeling of her body enveloping him, tugging him in, inviting… until he reached that resistance barrier, natural protective layer of her virginity. He tried warning her:

-          Nanase…

She nodded immediately and raised her hips as much as she could being weighted down by his body:

-          Come.

-          Nanase… it will…

-          I know.

-          Nanase… I can…

-          Kairi… come!

He wanted to say he could wait a little longer, letting her adjust to him. But hearing Sakura say his name, for the first time… exhaling it with so much love and tenderness… undid him. Tendo fell into her… her deep, waiting, accepting body, her warmth and passion… her whole self. His Sakura, his.

She jerked and he heard her whine. Something hot and wet touched his cheek, Tendo tuned and caught a glimpse of a single tear rolling down the side of her face before she looked away. Guilt took a squeezing hold of his heart for he has hurt the woman he loved, though it could’ve not been avoided. He pleaded, showering her face, her hair, her neck with kisses:

-          Nanase, my precious one, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… please, forgive me, please…

Tendo felt her arms enveloping him in embrace and rubbing soothing circles on his back – Sakura was consoling him! She smiled at him and he could almost believe that smile, if it wasn’t for the tension in her jaw from biting back the pain. Sakura said in overly calm tone:

-          Shh, sensei, I’m alright… it just… stings. I will be alright…

-          What can I do?

-          Move.

He was ready to be still for the rest of his life even if it killed him – so Tendo wasn’t expecting her command to move! He checked:

-          But wouldn’t it..?

-          It would… but it stings either way… and before… I liked it when you moved.

He needed no more invitations and permissions than that – instinct took over and lead him into rhythm, as old as time itself, picking up the pace when he felt Sakura respond to his thrusts with her own. At that moment only her body attached him to life, only she held the power to turn all of his pent-up frustration into pure blinding energy that drove him further, deeper, faster! He marched to the drum of pulse beating in his temples and to the sound of her cries, chanting his name with every breath… everything was there in his name falling off her lips – the urgency, the love, the explanation, the miracle… ‘Kairi… Kairi… Kairi… Kai... Kai... nnnnnn... Kai... ahhh... Kai... ohhhh... Kai... reeeee...'. And then he felt her tighten around him, her mouth falling open in a silent scream. So tight, so, so tight! Pulsing, wet, gliding, velvet… He should’ve stopped, should’ve waited – but then she commander again in the sweetest of commands:

-          Kairi… come.

One dive… another one… he heard her teeth rattle… another one… her nails dug into his asscheeks urging him to thrust impossibly deeper… one more, hard…  her bed shaking dangerously under his rush… and another, and another… And lightning struck through his spine! ..and the world seized to exist, and only blazing hot stream of energy rushed through his body, collecting everything he was to give to her! To press it into her, again and again, so he could stay in her forever, and be lifeless and alive in the same time! And be hers!

-          I love you, Sakura Nanase! I adore you, I worship you, I live and breathe you! Thank you… Oh, Nanase, thank you so much!

Her response was of a warm hug and a kiss to his chest. Few moments later her grip loosened and Tendo heard her breathing softly, evenly – his newly-made woman fell asleep. He carefully stood up, brought a warm wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaned them both up. Sakura didn’t even stir when Kairi freed the covers and blanket from underneath her. He chuckled softly at his sleeping beauty and joined her in that tiny bed of hers where two people would have to snuggle really tight not to fall off at night. Tendo was fine with that – he wasn’t planning to let her go anyways. Ever.

***   ***   ***

Tendo turned the corner and stopped, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes, fighting off tangles of headache creeping up his skull. Today wasn’t that difficult from the work perspective, per se, his patients were going well all things considered, two new came in and preparation for scheduled surgeries was on the way. But something… something was just off.

He knew that the reason was Nanase. The fact that he’d upset her this morning and she’d ran away before he could apologize… The fact that she’d sent in his lunch with a sweet and cheerful note, but didn’t want to come personally… Kairi was obsessed with seeing her again to the point that he hallucinated her walking on the other end of the corridor – but when he ran up to the spot, she’d disappeared in the thin air, like mirage.

He hasn’t seen her in five days. Nurse Sakai got sick and Nanase agreed to change her shifts for night ones to help out. So, the only time they saw each other was during morning and evening check-ins, in the hospital, with other staff present.

Kairi missed her so much! Missed holding her small frame through the night, missed the smell of her hair, the brightness of her smile… His wife’s silly songs she’d made off recipes and were singing during cooking… Color pencils scattered on the floor and handmade brochures she prepared for her patients with post-surgery care routines lying around the apartment… Kairi missed her curious button nose that would get into anything he was reading and then Nanase would ask him a million distracting questions... but he also missed her attentive and proud eyes when she was listening to his responses. He missed her one-of-a-kind mind, her forgiving soul, her optimistic heart… his wife, Tendo Nanase.

And he’d also missed her body. The slopes and ridges, the depth of it, the taste, the scent… Just thinking of it made his body tense and his pants become uncomfortably tight. It’s only been five days… and they’d been married for five months… but there was no saturation with her, no ‘enough’, no ‘slowing down’ or ‘marriage routine’. Every day with her was a new handwritten page of happiness, every night was a study of passion and abandon. Kairi was addicted to his wife, and blissfully so. If was as if she was a hormone that his body wasn’t producing and was lacking all his life even without knowing. And then Nanase broke in, forcefully, with stubborn conviction – and his life finally tilted towards the happiness. She reminded him how to laugh, helped him to find his own heart and challenged a man in him. The challenge was to love Nanase so much that her first man would always be her only man – and she wouldn’t miss out on anything! And Kairi missed the challenge for five days now! In a row!

The first night when he came home, on Monday, Kairi realized Nanase wasn’t sleeping in their bed but rather on the couch. He called her up to ask for a reason… and his wife told him the bed was too big for her without him… and couch cushions smelled like him… because this is where he read. Kairi bit his lip and moaned silently, feeling his groin getting heavier and hotter. Later, he slept in their bed because sheets smelled of her, of her tangled dark hair that covered his face like a canopy when she rode him the night before, of her screams and bites, her uninhibited desire for him…

But now… he was losing her scent in their apartment… the sheets were too cold.

And tonight was her last night shift. Tomorrow was a weekend for both of them. Nanase will come home and he will wake up to the sound of her cooking or singing or both. And he will hold her in his arms and inhale her and everything will be all right again. Kairi just needed to survive till then.

***   ***   ***

Kairi looked at his watch – 5 pm. Two hours till the end of his shift, one hour till Nanase comes in for evening check-in, fourteen hours till she comes back home after her shift. He could make it because he would get to see her in an hour… just one hour.

Or not... Reacting to the screams and gurgling sounds in the nearby room, Tendo rushed in to find Nanase struggling to contain a male patient trashing on the bed. Two nurses quickly ran in past him, one adjusted patient’s IV drip, other injected something into his shoulder – and things quieted really quickly. Nanase let go of patient’s arms and turned to the chief nurse, not noticing Tendo standing behind her:

-          I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened! I was giving him his dinner and…

The fact that she was feeding the patient was very evident seeing how Nanase was covered in pieces of vegetables and stains of fruit tea that were served for dinner today. Chief nurse rushed to calm Nanase down, side-eyeing Tendo suspiciously because he still hasn’t announced his presence to his wife:

-          It’s ok, Nanase-chan, it’s not your fault, his anti-seizure meds weren’t adjusted yet, we’re waiting for Doctor Kisugi to come in later and do that. You should go and clean up before your shift starts. Why did you come so early anyways?

Nanase looked at the floor shyly and said:

-          It’s a… personal matter. I thought I’d help with dinner first and then go find Tendo-sensei and…

That’s when Kairi took his que and grabbed his wife by the forearm, tugging her towards him. Nanase looked up and shy delight crossed her face, leaving unmistakable blush behind. She bowed to him demurely:

-          Tendo-sensei, I’ll be at the evening check-in as soon as…

-          You have broccoli in your hair…

-          Yes, I’ll go take a shower and be back when…

-          I’ll take care of it. Come.

Tendo dragged his wife away from two nurses, smirking at him with knowing smiles. Nanase tried arguing, while almost running behind him to keep up with the pace:

-          Tendo-sensei, we have shower next to the nurses’ station, I can be back very quickly, I don’t want to impose on doctors’ premises.

-          That’s not where we’re going…

Nanase looked at him incredulously but Tendo paid no attention to her surprise while continuing to their destination, using the most inconspicuous of paths to avoid meeting more colleagues and more questions. As they walked, Nanase started to recognize the halls of this secluded and posh wing – and her suspicions were confirmed when Tendo opened and closed behind her a door to one of VIP suites. Nanase spooked and tried to rush out of the door:

-          Sensei, we can’t use VIP suites for showers! Mariko-san will not allow it! Nurses are sent to this wing only by assignment!

Tendo caught her by the shoulders and pressed her against the door. Nanase looked up, her mouth open to protest more – and all her protests drowned in the deep, hungry kiss her husband landed on her. Humming noise in the back of his throat vibrated through her body, making her weak in the knees – and if she weren’t being held up against the door by his strong hands, Nanase would probably have dropped. Something in her mind that was responsible for manners and propriety switched off, giving way to the wave of familiar anticipation. She moaned into his mouth, biting his lower lip a little and hearing him respond with sharp inhale. With visible difficulty, Tendo tore himself off his wife and rested his forehead on the door above her shoulder. He said, short of breath:

-          You aren’t here as a nurse… it’s still one hour till your shift… you’re here as my wife… and I have a privilege to come here whenever I wish to.

Nanase peeped from around his back and looked around the room. Tendo stepped away to give her a better overview, while trying to do some calming breathing exercises himself – while Nanase was technically not at work yet, he was and he needed to go back to his patients soon enough, before Koichi-kun comes in to change him.

Nanase walked around the room and noticed all the things that made this room different from lavish suites for VIP patients. First of all, it wasn’t all that lavish – furniture was much simpler than she’d remembered, fewer decorations, much smaller TV set and no vases with live flowers. The bed wasn’t one of the standard motorized hospital beds but rather simple-frame queen-size bed with few extra cushions. Overall, the room looked like a mix of a hotel room and an office, the office part represented by a big desk near a window which was obviously used by doctors since it was covered in piles of folders and X-ray files.

Nanase asked:

-          What is this room? Some… doctors’ lounge?

Tendo chuckled:

-          Not exactly, no. When this wing was refurbished for VIP suites, this room was deemed too small for the high standards of VIP patients, so hospital’s management decided to keep it for the doctors in charge. Today that’s me. We use it occasionally to work, research, take a shower or sleep, if time allows.

Nanase looked around and noticed the door that led to the bathroom. She suddenly remembered how silly she must look with patient’s dinner displayed all over her and started towards the door – and then stopped. Her eyes darted between bathroom and exit door and back. Tendo asked:

-          What? You don’t have to worry, nobody would walk in, it can only be open with our badges. There’s also a latch on the bathroom door, if you want to use it…

-          That’s not it… My spare uniform is in my locker, I need to go take it.

Tendo nodded but stopped Nanase when she tried to walk out:

-          You go take your shower, I’ll bring your things and get back to my patients. There is shower gel and shampoo on the stall, towels are in the cupboard by the door. I’ll be back soon!

And with that Kairi landed a quick chaste kiss on his wife’s forehead and left the room, covering the distance in wide strides to come back faster. Nanase sighted with a tinge of disappointment – she was hoping for more time with her husband when she came to work earlier, but, alas, her unfortunate incident derailed her plans. She made a quick work of undressing, folding her uniform neatly and going into bathroom. The shower stall was a standard edition for medical facilities, with sturdy railings on two levels and spray nuzzles from top to bottom for stimulating massage, if needed. And while Nanase wouldn’t mind a massage this time to relieve her of coiling tension inside, she didn’t want to overstep the hospitality of this secret lounge. Her shower would be quick and efficient!

Meanwhile, Tendo thought along the same lines – that his wife will be in and out in a split second – so he rushed to get her things before she had to come out of the shower… draped in a towel only… warm and wet… focus, Kairi!

Easier said than done! Images rushed through his mind, offering all the ways he could help her shower, to make sure that all her hidden spots were well taken care of and…

-          Tendo-kun! Just the man I was looking for!

Kairi turned around and stumbled upon seeing Koichi’s smiling face, while his fellow doctor approached to greet him. Tendo responded automatically, still trying to focus his gaze and shake off the effects of feverish daydreaming. He looked at his watch and said:

-          I need to take Nanase’s spare uniform and then I’d be back to brief you about…

-          Yeah, I know, Kaori-san valve repair prep and Nakoishi-san pacer implant surgery. Mariko-san already gave me all the charts, I’m fully up to speed! So, unless there’s something else you want to tell me… you’re off duty as of now!

And he winked at Kairi. He winked at him! Tendo frowned and stepped back, as if from a blow… Was he THAT obvious? Did the entire hospital know that he was a horny idiot obsessed with his wife? Was there a conspiracy to get him laid?!

He was supposed to be offended at that prospect, outraged even! But at that moment, all he could hear was ‘it’s still an hour till her shift starts… and she’s still in the shower… shower…’.

Tendo nodded, rushed to grab Nanase’s clothes and flat our ran back to the VIP wing at full speed. He thought he’d heard a choir of chuckles and quiet laughs from nurses’ station – but he couldn’t care less! His image be damned – he was, after all, horny idiot obsessed with his wife!

***   ***   ***

Nanase was absolutely planning to get out of the shower any minute now… but the hot water was so soothing and energizing in the same time, massaging her stiff shoulders with high-pressure streams. She’d heard her husband come into the room again and cried out to him:

-          Sensei, I’ll be out soon! Please, leave my uniform and get back to your patients! I’ll be fine here!

She stretched, checking how her muscles relaxed, and rinsed her hair once again. Nanase turned her head to face the water, her eyes closed and her lips smiling – she just loved hot showers very much. She’d found the faucet by touch and before she could turn it off, a strong hand stopped her, other circled her waist and pressed her to the obviously naked male body and a familiar voice whispered to her ear:

-          Don’t. I need a shower too.

Her rational mind reminded her about time, schedules, something-something… But her female body swayed into him, feeling him grinding back into her. Tendo let go of her hand and caught one of her nipples between his fingers, tuning it up to the sensitive aroused state. His whisper came between bites of her neck and shoulder:

-          You know, personal hygiene is a very serious matter in medical profession. I do need to make sure that you are clean here… - he followed the outline of her breast, then the other, - … here… - his hand trailed back down, his nails sliding across her wet skin, - and here too…  - Tendo’s fingers split the hair in the apex of her thighs and slipped in, circling, teasing.

Nanase grabbed the railing in front of her with one hand and Tando’s wet hair above her with another and held on for the sensual assault. Her lover knew what he was doing – his exceptional mind, when focused on her body, was inventive, generous and wicked! Nanase felt dizzy and inflamed and this time it had nothing to do with a fog of hot air around her and water running down her body. One last rational thought escaped almost involuntary:

-          Your shift…

He buckled into her, making Nanase lose balance and stumble forward, almost hitting the metal railing she was holding. Kairi held her back, using the hand that was buried knuckles deep into her body to anchor her back to him. Nanase cried out and he repeated the motion again, and again. When he hissed his answer into her hair, Nanase was too far gone past remembering her question at all:

-          Another doctor already took over. We have time…

Something flashed inside Nanase, an understanding, a memory… There was something she liked doing when they had time. A reckoning…

Nanase took all of her will power – and physical strength – to push herself off the glass wall in front of her. She unclutched Tendo’s hands holding her in place, whining momentarily on the loss of the fullness and heat his fingers provided. Nanase turned around and faced him, her gorgeous demi-god husband, built of steel and velvet… and desire. She pushed back, and back – until Tendo stopped at the opposite glass wall, awkwardly placing his elbows on the upper railing. He looked at her surprised, but aroused and willing to go wherever this was leading to. Nanase smiled – her special smile that meant so many things now – and told him, touching her fingers to his upper arms:

-          Hold on. Don’t let go.

He nodded automatically thinking of what she may be planning – and then there was no thinking possible! Nanase’s lips landed everywhere on his skin, licking off droplets of water, biting across sensitive spots, soothing bite marks with wide strokes of her tongue… Her hands caressed his body, explored with soft touches, marked with red lines, loved him, worshiped… When Nanase went down on her knees, Tendo groaned and threw his head up, feeling heat wash over him from inside… and when she took him into her mouth and sucked in the whole length of his shaft… Tendo saw stars! Her wet lips, the perfect pressure, just the right rhythm… his body was no longer his, coiling numbness was taking over, turning off circuits in his body and his brain… He missed her so much!

With the last tendrils of sanity escaping him, Tendo begged:

-          Nanase, please…

She released him with a plop and asked, kissing his thigh and continuing her rhythm with the palm of her hand:

-          Yes, anata?

Kairi bent over and grabbed her by the waist, turning around and hoisting her up on the lower level railing. She circled her legs around him and locked them behind his back, catching Kairi and tugging him close to her body. He kissed her, hungrily, urgently… then begged again:

-          Say it…

-          What, anata? What should I say, Kairi?

And there it was – those special words that drove him crazy! Because he knew how many barriers had to melt in Nanase’s mind for her to call him by the name, to address him as ‘husband’… and he did this to her! She was his – ripe, willing, ready to be taken, ready to take him too!

Invitation was so close… Unmistakable scent that was not washed away by shower but only amplified by the steamed glass compartment… slick wetness where their bodies longed to be connected… her lips and her whimpers on the base of his neck… and her searching hands, digging nails into his asscheeks to bring him home.

-          Kairi, please…

He plunged deep, reaching the core of her female self in one go! Plunging in and out with a force that could easily shutter the tempered glass behind her back – for every night he’d spent without her, for every time his fingers flexed to find her body in the darkness and didn’t, for every time he couldn’t remember her scent… There were many, many times like this and so he worked them all out into her, into her accepting body, her unreserved screams, her ‘more’ and ‘harder’!

It was too much too fast for him! He waited for so long! Numbness took over again, flowing from where their bodies connected to the outsides of his body and beyond. Kairi cried out her name and heard her whisper ‘five’. Four… three… two… one!!! His wife convulsed around him, froze for a moment and then fell apart with a low, almost pained scream! Her body sucked him in… three… two… one!!! And he followed! Ignited nerves exploding, heart jumping out of his chest and everything around him turning into blissful darkness, filled with her satisfied humming and the sound of running water…

***   ***   ***

When his vision cleared, Kairi found himself sitting on the shower floor, his wife still circling his hips, smiling at him mischievously. Nanase kissed his nose and said:

-          Anata… long time no see!

Kairi groaned – his wife would be the death of him! But, on a plus side, he’d die a very happy man! His usual cold-blooded demeanor creeped back into steamy bathroom and he said:

-          Only you would joke like that in this situation! Baka!

Nanase waved him off and stood up carefully, holding the railing not to slip up on the wet floor. She picked up the shower gel and washcloth and handed them to Kairi:

-          Since you here, you can help me wash my back, I couldn’t reach it before…

Her voice was so seductively nonchalant, Tendo chuckled. He loved these short periods right after lovemaking when his wife was still riding the hormone rush and her inhibitions and self-imposed limits didn’t apply. With time, these periods became longer, and his wife was getting bolder with him, going as far as calling him by the name even outside their bedroom! That only happened few times but Kairi was willing to put in whatever effort it took – especially considering he enjoyed the effort itself beyond comprehension! His favorite treatment plan ever!

Kairi helped Nanase wash up and she did the same for him, taking time to be tender and soft with each other, sharing smiles and small kisses. When they came out, Nanase changed into her spare uniform and went to the fridge to fish out some water. She brought him a bottle too and made sure he drank up all of it. While dressing up, Tendo noticed that something changed in his wife’s demeanor – something awkward, uncertain… reserved?

His morning behaviour came to mind and Tendo opened his mouth to apologise – when Nanase dragged him by the sleeve to sit on the couch.

-          Kairi, we need to talk.

He dreaded this talk, but it was necessary. He just hoped that her responsiveness before meant she would forgive him soon.

-          Nanase, about today, I was wrong, I shouldn’t have…

Tendo tried to speak fast, to get as much of his apologies out before his wife’s too-forgiving heart will absolve him of all sins, as she usually did. But that wasn’t what she’d interrupted him with.

-          It’s not about today. I mean, it is, in a way, but it’s not your fault, it’s mine. Well… yours too, but mostly mine.

She nodded and stayed with lowered head, observing her hands clutched together. Tendo sat closer, taking her hands into his and kissing them, knuckle by knuckle.

-          Nanase, I should not have scolded you. I upset you and made you run away from me.

His wife raised her head and looked him in the eyes, her expression perplexed. She looked up, as if remembering something, then back at him with a smile:

-          Ananta, it’s not why I ran away. I just didn’t want you to see me get sick, I didn’t feel well this morning.

-          Sick? Nanase, what’s wrong? How are you feeling? Have you been to the doctor? Should we go now?

-          Shh, I’m fine. Yes, I’ve been to the doctor, today, when I brought you lunch.

So, he did see her in the corridor today, it’s wasn’t a hallucination! But… but…

-          Why didn’t you come see me right after? What did the doctor say?

Nanase smiled again and kissed his fingers wrapped around her hands.

-          I wanted to come, but first there was an appointment with Akai-san, then blood tests, then ultrasound… When I was done, I came here but you were already in the OR so I left to prepare for my shift.

Tendo huffed with irritation:

-          Nanase, the timeline was clearly not the most important part of my question! What did Akai-san say? Is your hormonal treatment not working? What were the blood tests about? What should I know? Say it already!

Nanase chewed on her lower lip and looked away – her tell for immense insecurity – and then took something out of her pocket and handed it over to Kairi.

Kairi unfolded few sheets of paper with hospital header on them – blood test, diagnosis, ultrasound results… On top of it all, attached by the staple, there was a small rectangular picture with classic ultrasound triangle. With shades, and echos… and one unmistakable white dot. Numbers ran in front of his eyes… sizes, estimated gestation period, heartbeat rate… His little white dot has already had a heartbeat!

Papers spilled out to the floor and Tendo didn’t even notice. He looked at his wife with unblinking eyes and whispered hoarsely:

-          Are you… pregnant?

Nanase nodded, her pale face looking so lost and guilty now! She rushed into explanation:

-          I didn’t think it was it, I thought that was just aftereffect from switching to new treatment! Sensei, I know, you didn’t plan for this, I didn’t want to put you in this position…

-          Treatment…

-          Yes, Akai-san said it’s practically impossible that such treatment could result in pregnancy but then…

-          No, Nanase, listen! – Kairi shook her by the shoulders, his voice frantic, - did you cancel the treatment? You were taking it this whole time! Can it harm our baby?!

-          Our… baby?

Nanase looked at him, his worried eyes, his trembling lips – and realization dawned on her! Her smile rose above them like a rainbow, happy, unreserved, eternal! She touched her fingers to his furrowed brow and asked:

-          So… you want it?

Tendo brows furrowed further but this time with different question in mind!

-          Do I want it? Nanase, you loveable idiot! Of course, I want our baby! How could you possibly think anything else?!

-          Well, we haven’t discussed it… and it wasn’t in your plan…

-          What plan, Nanase? There was no plan before you! You are the plan! And whatever comes from you, around you and for you – it is my plan!

He hugged her to his chest tightly and Nanase heard his heart thundering in his chest in unison with quickened breathing. His lips whispered something into her hair, but she couldn’t make out the words. Then Kairi tore her away from him again and ask anxiously:

-          The treatment? Will it harm the baby?

Nanase smiled and bent over to pick up the scattered papers. She found the right one and showed it to her husband:

-          According to this, our baby is a fighter! If treatment did not deter the consumption, then the treatment would have no effect on early gestation, especially, since I stopped it already. The baby is fine, Kairi, all the results are normal for our 6-weeks old sweet pea!

Sweet pea! Their baby had a size and a heartbeat, and it was fine and healthy and growing inside the woman he loved! Kairi hugged her again, sitting her comfortably on his lap, because he wasn’t planning to let her go for a long time, her shift and schedule all but forgotten! He wanted to talk to her… ask her about morning sickness that she was apparently hiding from him… if she had any cravings yet because Kairi wanted her to have them so he could satisfy the littlest of her needs… if she wanted a boy or a girl – but he already knew Nanase would say ‘as long as it’s healthy and happy’… they needed to discuss buying a house because they weren’t raising a family in his old bachelor apartment!.. he wanted to talk baby names…

Kairi wanted to keep them safe and comfortable in the protective shield of his body, to let Nanase know how much he loved and cherished her and their baby – his two 0,0001% impossible miracles! As they set there, him whispering soft words of love into her smiling lips, Tendo saw in her bright eyes how his life was expanding, to encompass him and his wife and all the possibilities and surprises, and all the promises he was about to make, and all the changes he was so looking forward to right now! And all thanks to her, his shining wife, little brave hero who fought her way through his darkness and thorns – to give him acceptance, hope, happiness, and, eventually, life!

And to him there was no doubt that love like this will last forever…

[littleladymab]

i took smooch prompts on twitter and @jadeoxfordrose gave me Elżbieta/Sorren with "i've missed you" + reunion kiss and I'M STILL SO ETERNALLY EMBARRASSED writing them which is very silly but it did get me into a "what if I relisten to the sagas of the sunless reach stream" mood and i'm back to sighing over Zach giving us an incredibly sexy and cool NPC

so saying, i'm sorry it's not actually a kiss Jade, and don't look at me Zach if you read this this is your own fault for making them so cool.

+++

“Elżbieta,” Ksana says almost as soon as her boots cross the threshold into the fortress grounds. “You’re back.” 

Elżbieta lifts an eyebrow. “Are you surprised?” 

The look that crosses Ksana’s face says no, then yes, then nothing altogether. “No,” the older woman finally answers. “I suppose not.” With that out of the way, Ksana claps Elżbieta reassuringly on the shoulder and gives a curt but fond nod. “Good. Just in time, too. They’ll want you at the operations table.” 

“Was planning on heading there as soon as I put my stuff down,” Elżbieta confirms. She’s about to move on but Ksana’s grip on her shoulder tightens to keep her in place. 

Neither of them say anything, Elżbieta knowing well enough by now to wait for Ksana to work through whatever internal struggle there is before deciding what to say. 

“Don’t take whatever they might say to heart,” she finally says, though it sounds more like an order. “They missed you too.” 

Elżbieta opens her mouth, closes it, and furrows her brow in confusion. “I wasn’t gone long enough to impact their plans…” she says hesitantly. “I made it back before the new moon like I said I would.” 

Ksana gives her that look that the older woman has perfected — vague disappointment with an overall sense of being absolutely put-upon at Elzbieta’s obstinance. “You refer to the many,” she answers, blunt despite her cryptic words. “I refer to the one.” 

Elżbieta puts it together before the second half of the statement is even out of Ksana’s mouth and it’s only her years of perfecting a poker face that keeps her from reacting. Still, always willing to be a frustrating thorn in Ksana’s side, she feigns innocence and says, “Ksana, I told you, it’s not like that between Jim and I—” which earns her a huff and an eye roll. 

“Bah,” Ksana says and tosses her hands in the air, finally releasing Elżbieta. 

She uses the moment of opportunity to disengage, slipping away and into the crowd of Rams — though Ksana does call, “Forty-five minutes, war room meeting!” and she waves her hat in understanding. 

Elżbieta drops her stuff off on the cot in the room she shares with several others, sorting through her bag to pull out her field notes and the letters she picked up on the way back in from town. Shucking her coat but not bothering to take the time to change out of her travel clothes, she heads back into the commotion of the fortress. 

Elżbieta doesn’t bother checking at the range and only makes a quick stop in the quartermaster’s office to let them know the state of the delivery from town. She hands out the few letters as she goes, though one she keeps tucked away with her notes. 

All told, it takes her maybe twenty minutes from parting with Ksana to make it to the makeshift war room and sure enough, Sorren is already inside — bent over the maps of the delta and the rough schematics of the castle. The bandages still peak out from the collar of their shirt and their arm hangs awkwardly at their side, but it’s an improvement from how they were when she last saw them. 

“How did I know,” Elżbieta begins, and it’s a testament to how stressed they must be because they jump at the sound of her voice, “that I would find you here nearly half an hour before the meeting was supposed to start?” 

Sorren twists around and winces at the motion. It’s not enough to hide their surprise. “You’re back,” they say in a mirror to Ksana’s own greeting. 

She quirks a brow as she approaches the table. “Why does everyone say that like they didn’t expect to see me return?” 

Their answer comes in the form of pointedly not watching her as she tosses her file down on top their maps and she hops up to sit on the edge of the table. 

“What?” She nudges their good shoulder with her elbow. “I said I’d be back and I am.” 

“A full week after Jack returned,” Sorren says — they don’t snap the answer, but it’s a near thing. They reach for her folder in an attempt to distract themself, but Elżbieta slaps her hand down onto it to stop them. 

The two of them war over it for a few seconds before she relents and they draw it closer to them. But they don’t open it. 

“I said I’d be back before the new moon. That’s two days from now.” She hopes her voice is reassuring. “You know what it’s like out there. It’s hard to get updates back to camp when across the delta.” 

“I know,” Sorren says so quickly they almost cut her off. Then, after a pause, they sigh and rub their hand over their face. “I know.” 

Elżbieta can read the exhaustion in the pinched corners of their eyes and the stiffness in their shoulders. It’s not just the injury; it’s everything else on top of it. “You just wish it was you out there instead?” 

They make a sound in the back of their throat and shake their head, though even that is enough to make them give another wince and reach for their injured arm. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t like sending anyone out if I’m not also out there with them. It’s just that when I get rumors of Dragomir’s crackdowns but no updates from you for three weeks—” 

She reaches for them, but stops herself with her hand hovering uncertainly in the space between them. 

Sorren finishes the gesture, taking her hand in their own and lifting it to their lips. “I’m glad you’re alright.” 

Elżbieta leans in to press her forehead to theirs. “I’m glad to be back,” she murmurs, content for the moment to leave it at that. 

[talenevertold]

Headcanon time - Erkenci Kuş

Yiğit will be a mature choice. A good one - this time.

Yes, there was Fabri, man after Sanem’s heart and talent, but he was a slimy one, with lots of bad intentions and devious undertones. We didn’t want him anywhere near Sanem - and not even for Can’s sake, for Sanem’s. She deserved better, right?

And this time she’d get that ‘better’. Yiğit. He’d respect her, appreciate her talent, offer her honest-to-God romance and even get approved by Mevkibe (that’s the important part!). Safe choice. A prince in everybody’s book.

Like Osman for Leyla. A rock to lean on while her heart recovers from the storm.

And this time Can won’t be saving Sanem from ‘big bad wolf’, he won’t have that inner excuse to insert himself back into her life like the last time with Fabri. Nope. This time HE is the big bad of the story. He’s the one who rejected her time and time again, he’s the one who chose his touchy feelings over her, over them. 

I bet he won’t like the taste of that medicine when she would choose herself, her dreams, her peace of mind and peace of heart over his irrational jealousy.

She won’t be truly happy with Yiğit, we know that. That’s not how true love works, you don’t just get over it because it’ll be healthier for you. But she will be content, she would APPEAR happy. 

And Huma would push Can to try again with Polen seeing how Sanem has ‘moved on’. There will be very awkward double-dates there =)

And I hope SO MUCH that Can gets it. Finally. Love takes effort, you never take it for granted and you always keep building it up!

... He’s just doing it all backwards. He forgave his brother for much worse things, literal betrayal, in a matter of days. He eventually forgave Sanem too, even though she was just an unwilling accomplice to said betrayal. And then... Can couldn’t forgive her for trying to save him with whatever she had in her limited arsenal. It’s like his reaction to her actions is in reverse proportion to the severity of them. Doesn’t make sense!

So, until Can starts making sense again, I just hope he suffers! Bad!

[talenevertold]

In between (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/KIQ62TMvHV I have had this little conversations with Viola that while I'm very interested about what happens after 'let's get married' but also how did LeyEm come from 'there's no Osman anymore' to 'let's get married'... Viola prompted 'I want her to kiss him' and 'then him to kiss her' and 'to see Leyla claiming (?) her man in front of Meliz' - and that's what i'd written on the spot =) It's the shortest thing ever, basically a ficlet, and Viola asked to share it =)

[talenevertold]

And the winner is... (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/T78rEhhIUV AU post Episode 37 because in my version Emre and Leyla actually escaped Istanbul after their wedding to have a much needed alone time... and much wanted honeymoon! P.S. Yes, it will be NSFW in some chapters =)

[talenevertold]

When love freezes over

Erkenci Kus Headcanon for Episode 32

- This isn’t happening! Not happening!

Sanem was frantic as she yanked the freezer door in vain attempt to pry it open. Çan’s expression was a mixture of amusement and irritation as he watched her from the side. He chuckled:

- Sanem, I’m sure it’s locked…

She turned sharply, her curls whirling around her, and almost screamed at him with frustration:

- How do you know? Maybe it’s just stuck! Maybe it just froze shut!

Çan murmured something unintelligible – she couldn’t quite hear what it was but somehow she knew it was nothing to her benefit. Irrationally, it got her even more angry – with him, with this situation, with their entire situation. Her heavy breath was coming out in white clouds of cold air and Sanem suddenly realized that they might freeze over… just like that!

- No, Çan-bey, we have to get out of here! Don’t just stand there, do something!

Çan crossed his hands observing her carefully, as if she’d looked differently than before. But of course, she looked differently! She was turning blue and icy by the minute! And he didn’t move a muscle!

- Çan-bey, I don’t know why you plan to freeze here, but I have had plans! For today and for the rest of my life too! Shouldn’t we try to get out of here before we turn to ice-cream?

Çan shrugged:

- I’m sure we’re not locked here accidentally. It’s either someone’s prank… and that someone is going to regret it immensely…

Sanem shivered at the obvious threat in Çan’s voice… or maybe she was shivering out of cold… she couldn’t tell… her brain was refusing to work under sub-zero temperatures.

Çan, seemingly unphased by the temperature, continued his assessment of their situation:

- Or maybe our friends just decided to play matchmakers and give us some time to talk over our… difficulties.

Çan spoke so calmly, so detached, as if he was discussing pizza order… No, scratch that! Not pizza… color schemes… No, that too, scratch that too… There was nothing Sanem could think of that Çan would be so dispassionate about as he was about their life-threatening situation… and she wasn’t thinking about freezer right now. Their situation – the situation of them.

Was he really that… bored? With them? With her? With their ‘difficulties’?

Çan’s eyes were warm as he caressed Sanem’s face with his gaze. His hair would’ve been so soft – but only if she’d dared to touch him. His beard would scratch her a little and leave barely visible marks on her neck, behind her ear… But his words were so cold.

… Which reminded her – the cold!

Sanem looked around and bolted towards the depth of the freezer trying to find something to put on – she was chilled to the bone and wasn’t sure if she was feeling all her toes anymore. Çan yelled after her:

- I don’t think it’s going to be any warmer there!

- Ç-ç-çan-b-b-bey, d-d-don’t try to b-b-be funny! I n-n-need to…

Before Sanem could finish, familiar set of strong hands spun her abound and pressed her into Çan’t broad chest. She automatically hid her face in the folds of his scarf seeking for warmth that was radiating from Çan in waves. Familiar scent hit her nostrils – he was wearing her gift. Hidden flower scent.

Çan’s hands were wandering all over her back, pressing ever so lightly but firm enough to get her blood moving. It’s not like Sanem wasn’t freezing anymore – she absolutely was! – but his touches brought a welcome distraction and she’d refocused on him. On the little hollow on the base of his neck that Sanem knew was very sensitive… on the way his body pressed into hers… and how normal it felt – just to be in his arms. As if it was her own personal space in this world.

Sanem slipped her hands under his jacked and held him closer – only to feel Çan jump at the contact with her icy palms over his shirt. She looked at his, her eyes full of apology:

- Sor-r-ry! I didn’t…

She took a step back to free Çan of her cold presence – and he took a step forward. Without a word he took off his jacket and wrapped it around Sanem. Then he did the same thing with his scarf. Sanem tried to protest… but it was so goooood – to be enveloped in his warmth, his scent… his care.

- Çan-bey, you shouldn’t!

Sanem tried to take off the scarf to return it but Çan has caught her hands with one of his and brought them his mouth, breathing out warm air, melting out think layer of blue tinge off her skin immediately. Çan’s other arm was still holding Sanem close to his body.

His eyes caught with hers above their entwined fingers and he asked softly between breaths:

- There’s nobody around… What are you calling me ‘Çan-bey’ for?

Sanem stilled – but this time not for the cold, for the dread. Her words felt like shards of ice going up her throat as she spoke:

- You’re still my boss, even here…

Çan’s lips came close enough and Sanem could feel the ticklish touch of his beard and gentle press of his lips to her hand. Little fingers clenched convulsively, tightening their hold. Sanem mind was racing mile a minute trying to understand where this conversation was turning to – but it was so hard to focus with this beautiful face so close to her she could almost feel the taste of his kiss on her lips.

She licked her lips checking if the taste is really there – and Çan’s gaze immediately flew to her mouth and back to her eyes. He arched an eyebrow as if asking her… for permission?

Or for the question from a moment ago?

- Çan-bey, you said it yourself, that you are… my boss… and that’s how it will be between us.

Pain ran through Çan’s features as he closed his eyes hiding away his soul from Sanem. She felt his emotional walls beginning to shut down on this little moment of sincerity and Sanem just couldn’t let it happen! She freed one hand and tentatively touched her fingers to Çan’s face. He instinctively leaned into her touch and exhale – Sanem hasn’t even realized that Çan was holding his breathe until she saw a little white cloud escaping his mouth. With just her fingertips Sanem traced the outline of his eyebrow, cheekbone, nose bridge, his upper lip… Çan’s eyes flew open at her touch on his lips and this time he inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring and irises widening rapidly.

Sanem felt his lips moving against her fingers, first she thought it was a kiss but then realized Çan was saying something:

- … told you so many things. I told you I love you. I told you I don’t trust you. Told you never to come near me. And I told you to never let me go…

Sanem felt as if his eyes – and his words – were burning through her soul, erasing old pains and eliciting new ones, but this time sweeter and deeper then before. She wanted to say something, add something – but Çan shook his head in a silent ‘no’:

- I still don’t know where I stand between these words. Because they are all true.

Çan inhaled loudly again and his lips quivered in a sad smile. Çan’s words were hushed as if he was talking to himself:

- I hardly breathe when I’m around you because it hurts so much… but I can’t breathe at all when I don’t have you near me, can’t touch you, hold you… And I…

Sanem’s hand was cradling his face, her fingers massaging his temple in soothing circles. She spoke softly:

- Çan-bey, we don’t have to do this now. You need time and space – and I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you before, but I will now. I’ll wait…

Sanem tried stepping away from his embrace but Çan tugged her back to his body. His face inched in to hers as he said:

- I also told you that if you keep calling me ‘Çan-bey’ I will have to kiss away this ridiculous ‘bey’ from your lips…

His words supposed to sound like a threat but Sanem met it in kind:

- I remember that… Çan… bey…

Çan smiled with his eyes but his lips were too busy – shaping to fit hers, tasting Sanem’s scent in her exhale, getting lost in the warmth of her mouth and her entire self. Their kiss was soft, then passionate, then frenzied and sparkling – like a creation of a new world in the middle of ice desert.

And then loud noise of clinging metal startled them. They turned their heads towards the door in unison, their expressions equally confused as if they just remembered they were locked in the freezer and the real world was still out there.

The door cringed open and high-pitched voice broke through silence:

- Çan, aşkım, I finally found you! Your people are impossible! You should really work on discipline there! It’s a miracle I’d found you before you froze to death!

Sanem sneezed loudly and like that the magic was broken. The real life was upon them…

[talenevertold]

Karamel AW - Day 2: Favorite Quote

‘That Kryptonian girl has poisoned you!’

Poisoned? Haven’t you heard me, mother? Just now! Haven’t I JUST said that I detested who I was back then, when I was your prince, when I was taught to treat people as disposable tools for my convenience and pleasure? Do you mean to tell me that my life on Daxam was the truth? The ideal I’m meant to follow and lead one day?

Do I not have the mind of my own? Haven’t I seen the other way, the other people, the other life - the one I want to have for myself? Where I have to work to get what I want - but then I get to keep it beyond any considerations for my ‘rank’... Where people don’t even notice me but when they do - they notice ME! Where I may fall and disgrace myself - but my reprimand will be my way to redemption too... Where I have friendship and family and love - and I don’t have to second-guess the motives of people around me. Where all I have to offer is just me but JUST ME is ENOUGH! To my friends, to my colleagues... to Kara... I’m alone, a boy from Daxam, am ENOUGH!

That girl... What do you know about her, mother? Have you ever witnessed a soul so giving and so powerful that she can carry the pain of broken worlds in her and still share so much love with this planet? Have you heard her crying in defeat and still trying to stand up to fight, to protect others? Have you seen how the starlight reflects in her eyes when she’s looking out to where her home used to be? Have you?

You will never get to see me for the man I want to become. My dreams and hopes for new life are merely an inconvenience for you... But her... The woman that holds my soul in her hands and breathes life into me... The woman that has given me more in these last few months than I have ever knew before... You don’t get to treat her like that! Myself be damned but you DO NOT get to talk of her with anything less than respect for what she means to ME!

‘No! Mother, that woman is the best thing that’s ever happened to me! The best thing I know!

Whether we’re together or not, being near her makes me a better person, it makes me the person that I want to be!’

[talenevertold]

The Flash OS: Dress and Suit

First, it wasn’t beta-ed so all mistakes are mine and mine alone. If something doesn’t make any sense - do let me know.

Second, there will be a dress. This dress. Just so you know.

Third, have you seen the dress? Then you know there’ll be some smut. A lot of fluff too. 

...

“Few MORE tests and I will be there in a second!” Iris read his text and smiled to herself. She could almost feels his irritation when he was writing this message – for reasons beyond Barry’s comprehension most of his tests didn’t have a “speedy” option and they just had to take their timely course. And for the fastest man alive waiting for chemical reaction to end was almost physically painful. But only almost – Iris knew Barry loved his job so she didn’t feel TOO sorry for him. Also – he WOULD come in a second once his CSI-ing for today will be finished… perks of dating The Flash! She’d put aside her phone and turned back to her laptop trying to refocus on her article that was due this Friday. It seemed ok… but “ok” wasn’t what Iris was going for in her assignment… or her life in general for that matter. Something was off about this article, something inconclusive… Iris sighted and closed her laptop. Maybe today wasn’t her day. Or maybe she just needed a recess and a cup of coffee to get her muse working again. She stood up, tiredly flexing her stiff muscles, and walked towards the counter. Turning on familiar coffee-machine Iris made a mental note to thank Tracy for lending her keys to Jitters and allowing them to stay at the coffee shop after closing time. Considering how Barry still lived with her dad… well, let’s just say, having night dates at “his place” was out of the question! So that was a real blessing to have such an understanding roommate as Tracy. And if it weren’t for Tracy’s mischievous all-too-knowing smile when she gave her the keys… but nothing is prefect, right? Coffee machine hissed and clacked announcing Iris’s drink was ready. She took her cup carefully – and almost dropped it right away startled by the fire trucks’ sirens. Red trucks flew past café followed by ambulances and police vehicles – judging by the size of procession the fire was enormous. Iris forgot about her coffee immediately and rushed to her laptop to check for any information about this fire. And it wasn’t even the investigative journalist in her that was interested in the story – it was girlfriend in her that was worried nuts. Because her boyfriend was surely there by now. Wherever “there” was.

…

Central Expo was on fire. Some equipment malfunctioned and caught a spark – and it wasn’t too long before their New Architect exposition went ablaze. Main entrance was crashed but people were still running out from side exits. There was no telling how many were trapped inside… …

“The Flash is back to the building”… “Seventeen people and counting”… “I see his lightning tail on a second floor”… Iris dimply remembered the old days when she’d chase after every Streak sighting hoping to see him in person, to catch him during one of his heroic acts, to prove his existence. Now… she was motionless, stunned with worry. Because it wasn’t The Flash running through collapsed building that was clouded with grey smoke – it was her Barry, her very own, very real, very human Barry. He wasn’t invincible or impervious to pain and exhaustion… she knew his limits and prayed that his powers will be enough to get him through this. “Barry… come back… to me… come back!” …

Iris never got used to the feeling of being whooshed through space in a fraction of a second. Maybe because it was always too quick for her to register the movement at all – one second she was glued to her seat reading news updates frantically… and the other she’s at the rooftop of Jitters, her back pressed to his body still buzzing with the rush of the run. And for whatever reason she was facing the wall. Her face was literally two inches away from the wall and Iris tried to step back – only to realize that Barry is leaning on her with all of his body weight, only balancing it with his hand and forehead pressed to the wall over her shoulder.

Iris ducked away supporting him so he wouldn’t fall to the ground. Barry sat, his eyes closed, he was heaving and arching uncomfortably with every breath. She touched her hand to his face brushing off smidges of ash. Barry’s head turned instinctively and he kissed her palm inhaling deeper. That brought about another pained grimace and Iris asked gently: - Where does it hurt? Should I call Caitlin? She’s probably waiting to hear from you anyways… Barry finally opened his eyes and smiled tiredly: - There will be nothing to worry about… in twenty minutes or so… I just breathed a lot of smoke… but I’m much better already. He gulped audibly and slowly raised his hand to take off his hood. By his careful movements Iris knew that burned lounges were not the only one of his problems… but he wouldn’t tell her the rest of it to spare her the worries. Barry often joked that Iris was hurt by his injuries for a much longer time that those injuries actually lasted on his body. Barry shifted a little bit on the ground and set straighter. Iris could only hope that this was a sign that her boyfriend felt better already. To confirm these hopes Barry chuckled: - But do call her before she sends cavalry after my suits tracker. My earpiece and mic  got damaged so I couldn’t report myself… but I hope at least some of the sensors haven’t melted so they know I’m alive. Both Barry and Iris looked over Barry’s body length – the suit was a mess of cuts and melted patches. Iris frowned seeing how much pain Barry has evidently felt when these damages to his suit happened. Barry read her expression differently: - Cisco is going to give me a headache for dirtying his suit. Normally it should withstand fire – I mean, is was originally designed for firefighters – but I guess combination of my internal temperature, heated air, bad cocktail of chemicals and electric current I ran through took its toll on the suit. I’m thinking if we… He kept talking some ideas but Iris’s happiness effectively tuned him out – if Barry was going full nerd again, then he was better indeed. Iris sat beside him and when she was done texting Caitlin she leaned over and pressed her ear to his chest. She moved tentatively afraid to apply any pressure to his wounded body – but Barry was in a mood for a real hug: he tugged her closer to him and shifted his body once again so that Iris was practically laying on top of him, her head over his chest. - It’s still beating, - he murmured to her hair when they both settled in their new positions. Iris smiled nodding a little bit – his heartbeat was strong and really fast… her favorite sound in the whole wide world. …

Iris was the first one to break their comfortable silence: - How many? Barry took her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss every knuckle. It seemed like doing this was much more interesting to him than answering Iris’s question so she yanked her hand away from him and repeated: - How many? Barry looked down at her beautiful face… and Iris’s determination to get her answers meant his defeat. He shrugged: - Seriously though… why would you think that I count them? I don’t know! I did a final sweep, I double-checked – nobody was left behind. So… all of them. But I honestly don’t know the exact number. Iris sighted: - My boss is convinced that I have some sort of an “in” with The Flash. But usually I’m the one who finds out the details of your heroics the last! It’s very inconvenient that it’s my job to report on The Flash when said Flash tries to keep me “safely oblivious”! Considering their laying positions Iris made a horizontal equivalent of foot stomping and softly punched Barry’s bent knee. His responding laughter was accompanied by sizzles of light vibrations running through his body – something that happened when Barry felt really good. Iris prompted herself on her fists put together – she wasn’t going to say anything, she just wanted to look at her boyfriend’s smiling face. She saw him smiling so many times… in so many different ways. But this… this smile wasn’t just “loving” – he loved her since forever. But this was Barry’s “loved” smile – the one he’d found after they got together. Happier smile, more hopeful, more playful, more confident and, to be honest, much dreamier than she remembered from before. But to Iris’s dismay his smile suddenly changed to tightly pressed lips – Barry’s eyes were searching her face for some answers but he couldn’t quite make himself to voice the question. Iris encouraged him: - What is it, Bar? He didn’t say anything but one “whoosh” later Iris was tight pressed between the wall and his lean body. The urgency and hunger of his kiss could’ve scared her but Iris was too lost in the feeling of being whole again to question his actions just yet. It was like low current being administered all over her body – his every touch sparkled inwards igniting her with energy. Barry was her personal source of life force. …

Still, something was off about it. Just like earlier with her article, Iris couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was not right. She pushed Barry gently off her body and held his face in her hands: - Barry, what is it? What aren’t you telling me? He searched her face with desperate intensity that made her anxious about his answer. Barry turned away and his shoulders dropped as he whispered: - I got so scared today… Iris came closer and hugged him from behind, consoling him: - Barry, it’s a normal human reaction, you had to run through gigantic fire! Anyone would… He swirled around, grabbed her shoulders and shook her shouting: - I wasn’t afraid for myself! I was afraid for you! Iris was stunned with disbelief: - But… why? I was here, safe and sound. Barry let go of Iris and stepped away – same panic he experienced before came crushing back: - It was my fifth of sixth sweep through the building and I brought out this old lady, she was unconscious so I carried her directly to ambulance car… Iris could not understand what this situation could possibly have to do with her but waited for him to finish: - … And then I’d overheard the radio – all the cars were reporting that they’d delivered the first line of fire victims and were coming back to the site… all but one car that was sent to retrieve a girl with head trauma… robbery gone wrong. Iris sighed: - Oh, Barry, but it wasn’t… He nodded still not looking at her: - I know it wasn’t you. I ran back to the building, I kept searching for more people, again and again… but all this time I was only thinking of you. I tried convincing myself that it wasn’t you, that it could not have been you… but… His voice broke and Barry hugged Iris crushing her to his body, enveloping her with his long arms as if trying to hide her from some unseen danger. His whisper travelled through her hair and Iris shivered a bit because of the pleasant sensation of his breath on her skin: - Iris, I will NEVER forgive myself if something happens to you because you are with me… but also I will NEVER be able to live with myself if something happens while I was away – and if I could’ve prevented it by being close to you. Iris turned her head to kiss his neck, his jawline, his chin… she just like kissing him so much. But things he was saying warranted some reality check from her: - Barry, you know you’re setting yourself up to be responsible for ANYTHING that happens to me, be it with or without you? I mean, I survived without The Flash by my side for so many years – I’m sure I can take care of myself in the future. Finally Barry looked her in the eyes with mixed expression of genuine surprise and adoration: - Iris, I don’t doubt you can take care of yourself! God, even Joe eased up on this, and we both know how hard it was for him! But it’s not about you – it’s about me… I am the one who is afraid, not you… Every time I run away, I want to come back so much – just to make sure nothing happens to you. Iris sighted – at least, he knew what it felt like to worry over someone’s safety. But usually it was her that had all the reasons to worry. She pondered over this inequality: - You know, Bar, for somebody who literally runs into danger every other day, you sure talk a lot of “overprotective boyfriend” stuff. - Yeah, but I have superpowers, and you don’t – so you can see where I’m coming from in my craziness. Also, I normally wait for a report to come in – you actively seek out trouble, especially if it involves some nasty metahuman. Makes it that much harder to be prepared, you know? Instead of answering, Iris bit Barry’s jaw but he turned his head so quickly that she ended up kissing him full mouth – and they get lost in this for some long minutes. When they broke apart to breathe Barry’s eyes changed color to a deeper shade of green and a barely noticeable tremor took hold of his body. Iris hand moved across his chest to the neckline where a hidden zipper to his suit jacket started. She pulled it down slowly, torturously slowly… kissing every bit of his pale skin she’d uncovered… enjoying the vibrations rocking his body as he struggled to stand still. Iris knew he couldn’t help it – and she was the only one he’d react to like this. Barry was heaving and Iris’s hands on his body were not helping him to contain himself. He managed to whisper hoarsely: - Iris… what… are… you… doing? Oh, he KNEW what she was doing! But usually after he came back from saving the day, Iris was so worried about his beaten up body that she’d stay away for hours! And now, little less than an hour after the fire, she was quite the opposite of “away”! Not that he minded this new turn but what has brought it about? But Iris was past talking – it distracted her from checking up on her favorite freckles on Barry’s chest with her tongue. She moved flaps of his jacket to the sides and clawed his chest right above his nipples. Barry hissed and jerked forward to meet her touch – Iris dug her nails deeper and traced them down to his waistband where yet another hidden zipper started. She tiptoed and when their faces aligned Iris’s hushed answer to his long-forgotten question landed directly on his lips: - I’m looking for some trouble with nasty metahuman. Are you game, Allen? Barry’s nostril flared and his eyes shut wide open as he flung them across the rooftop to the darkest corner there was. He collided into her, grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked it to meet her wanting gaze. - Oh, it’s ON, Ms. West! …

Perfect dress. She’d picked a perfect dress for today. Later Iris would think about whether she’d chosen that dress for this specific reason or was it random coincidence. Anyways, this coincidence was very lucky. Because for today she’d chosen slim dress with frontal top-to-bottom zip line. And Barry had just found a clasp… …

He kissed her fervently, deeply… drinking in her moans and gasps… mixing them for his throaty groaning and hushed cursing. Barry used fistful of her locks to tug her head to the side… nape of Iris’s neck was so sensitive to his biting, she trembled and whimpered every time his teeth touched her warm chocolate skin. When he was finally done with her zipper (you’d think the fastest man alive could hurry up with that… unless he was otherwise engaged) Barry stepped half a step away from Iris to take it all in. He cupped her face, brushed his thumb over her full bottom lip and just couldn’t help it – he had to step back closer and kiss her again, there was no way for him to see her mouth and not want to kiss her! But it took only a fraction of a second and he stepped back again to continue his exploration… her long neck, soft hollows above her collarbones, her skin glistening with tiny droplets of sweat… Barry’s hands trailed the straps of her dress to push them off of her shoulders… and… - Oh, fuck, Iris! Why… Iris smiled – she was expecting this. Barry was rather set in the ways these things supposed to work… or maybe it was a rebellion against his speed force – he LOVED to take things slow. Excruciatingly slow! To peel layer after layer of her clothing, driving her to the moon and back in the process, getting her undone over and over again before even joining the party… that was his way. Her way was to surprise him with skipping ahead, throwing away any notion of foreplay and diving head first into the lightning energy that was two of them together. And that was what she did here. She wasn’t wearing anything but that dress and now when that dress subsided to a piece of fabric at her feet, Iris knew she’d won this round. His eyes locked at Iris’s. Barry felt lightheaded because of his superspeedy intake of oxygen – or because adrenaline cursed through his veins instead of blood. Not looking away from her, Barry unzipped his calves to get rid of his jacked. Iris murmured: - Keep it. Barry raised an eyebrow and smirked suggestively: - Why, Ms. West, which one of me do you need? Iris could’ve easily gotten irritated with this little power play at her expense. She did love the suit and he knew that FOR SURE. But two can play this game… Iris pushed herself away from the wall towards him in a body-roll motion – hips first, then arching her back, then standing straight in front of him, her marble nipples almost touching his chest – but not quite. Her breast were raising and falling slowly to the music of her soft hitched breathing – and the man in front of her was absolutely hypnotized with this sight. Iris brought her finger under his chin to raise his head and said: - I need all of you to stop wasting my time. How fast you think you can do it? Barry nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing with a hard gulp: - Pretty fast. …

His body buzzed. Iris knew the difference between this and actual vibrating (oh, she KNEW that one too!). Vibrating was something Barry did at will but buzzing was something that just happened and he couldn’t control it. And he wouldn’t even want too – because it only happened between him and Iris. His smooth pale skin prickled hers when they touched, like static discharge… It wasn’t painful at all, it felt both exhilarating and hot… and live. Barry could simply touch a hand to her body and send a charge pulsing at all the right directions. And in his slow-burn mode he’d do just that… but now was a totally different story! Barry crushed her! His lips were everywhere, his teeth marked her body with painful semi circles – and she’d retaliated by leaving long curved lines by dragging her nails down his spine to the line where her fingers halted at his waistband… not the way she’d wanted this track to end! Barry let out a low guttural sound when Iris tugged his belt tightening his already tightened pants – and she pressed her hips into his well-built bulge to enhance the effect. Barry’s eyes rolled back to his head and he groaned – he was loosing this game gloriously! But Barry wasn’t a superhero for nothing – he won’t give up without a fight! He caught both her hands trying to unzip his pants and pinned them above her head. Iris tried to wiggle her way out of it but he was much stronger and had much better ideas than her straightforward plan! His head dropped to her breasts and Barry licked one of her cherry stone nipples, rolling it slowly in the curve of his tongue. Iris shuddered and froze mid-breath, no longer fighting to free herself from his grip. Barry let go of Iris’s wrists and traced his hands down to cup her full breasts, letting his fingers vibrate just a little… but that “little” was just enough to send shooting spasm to the depth of her body, reverberating all the way down to where her body was glowing and burning and breaking apart. He kissed her belly, scratching her oversensitive skin with his stubble… smiling every time a little whimper escaped her lips, every time Iris whispered his name like it was an explanation to everything that was happening to her. And then his mouth touched the littlest of her skin folds, a well-hidden triangle of nerves that swelled and ached for some attention. Iris mouth fell open but no sound came out – she wasn’t even breathing anymore, just screaming internally. Barry’s hands went under her knees right before they buckled – he dug his fingers to the wall and Iris was practically straddling his upper arms. To steady herself Iris gripped his hair and in her rush yanked it painfully, but Barry couldn’t care less… the wide spread of her thighs caught all of his attention. While Iris wasn’t breathing – Barry wasn’t thinking. At all. Something primal, animalistic took over him – the urge to possess, to claim, to mark as his own. To devour her. She was so wet… she smelled so good… his body shook with barely contained need to have her. Barry rolled his vibrating tongue over her clitoris eliciting one more silent moan from Iris… and he did it again… and she arched to meet his sinful mouth… and he did it again and again and again… circling, sucking, flicking… crushing whatever control over her body Iris thought she had with an intoxicating wave of pleasure. Then came this numbing feeling that swirled from her limbs to the core of her body, locking her muscles in place… and Iris knew she had mere seconds. - Come, - she tugged his head to hers, her voice barely audible – but Barry heard her. He could have finished what he’d started just like they were… but Iris wanted him and he’d obeyed. Her legs didn’t even touch the ground as he stood up before her and locked her ankles behind his back. His extremely tight pants were finally shoved to his knees and Iris could feel him buzzing with anticipation against her wet hot entrance. - Come… slowly, - her voice broke against his cheek and she felt his jaw tense as Barry braced himself for what she was asking. Slowly… was almost painful to him. His flesh twitched for action, for conquer, for release. But he didn’t give in – he went slowly… feeling how her inner muscles gave way to him only to constrict convulsively and pull him in deeper… and deeper… to consume all of his length… like a perfectly sized sheath. She was so tight, so, so, so tight! - Fuck, Iris, I can’t hold any… - Don’t, Bar… don’t hold it… That was enough for him to let go. His head dropped to her shoulder, his hands held her back so it wouldn’t get scraped against the wall… and he started moving. The sensation… every time it felt life-changing. If Barry ever wondered how it felt to be struck by lightning (because he didn’t remember actual experience) then this was it! With every thrust into her burning body life ran through him in surges, realigning his atoms and charging him all over again. Every feverish move brought him closer to… to… Iris sobbed quietly at his shoulder, clawing him closer to her, melting into his vibrating body. The numbing feeling she fought for so long took hold of her body and spiraled to where there were connected – to explode! In colors and shapes under her eyelids, in buzzing noises in her ears, in million places on her body that she didn’t know existed… - Iris… Iris… She knew… she felt it too. Her inner muscles, thighs, legs – everything clenched around him, while his body shook and rocked inside of her, mixing his release with her own climax and expanding both… - Barry… Oh, God, Barry… He smiled listening to her exhausted sights… His name on her lips was his claim, his mark. His reward. …

It took him three whole seconds to run couple of blocks down the street to Bed Bath & Beyond and get an oversized duvet that was now used to cocoon their tangled bodies on the floor. Yes, Barry got dressed, ran to the shop, came back and stripped again – because Iris said so. Yes, Iris offered to go downstairs and find more comfortable place – but Barry wanted to stay on the roof and “get some fresh air”. The air was indeed really fresh, even chilly – they had to cuddle really close to each other to keep warm… and by the way Barry’s body was buzzing Iris knew that his sudden appreciation for “fresh air” had totally absolutely 100% nothing to do with them being naked under the blanket. Nope, no hidden agenda whatsoever… - Barry… - Iris touched her fingers to his chin and he refocused his gaze on her. - M-hm? - Have I told you I love you lately? Barry touched his forehead to hers and kissed the tip of her nose: - It may have skipped your lips this evening… but I’m all for hearing it again. He smiled and she traces little wrinkles around his eyes that formed when he smiled so genuinely and happily. Iris said quietly, her voice deep with emotion and honesty: - Barry, I love you. So much. Barry’s eyes darkened and glistened with tears he wasn’t going to shed – he was too happy to cry now. He said solemnly: - Iris, you have NO IDEA how much I love you. Whatever it takes, whatever I have to do – I will make you happy! She believed him… and for hundredth of times asked herself of what she didn’t know – what have he ALREADY done to keep her safe, keep her happy? This unbelievably unique man, the one she was thrilled to call her own, he could move through space and time, endure immense physical and emotional pain – and he did just that so many times to save this city and its residents. And every time he looked at her like this, vowing his life to hers… there was this undeniable conviction, like he didn’t just think that he WOULD do anything for her, but he KNEW he would because he already DID. What was it? Will he ever tell her? Does she want to know? Iris laid her head on Barry’s chest to listen to his speeding heartbeat. Absentmindedly she traced lines between his abs – only to realize that his buzzing grew stronger under her hand’s movements. She slapped Barry’s stomach jokingly: - Easy there, tiger! Not everybody here has your super metabolism, some boring non-metahuman people need time to relax and check for sore skin! Barry stretched his body and pulled Iris closer to him – buzzing hasn’t subsided. - You know, Iris, for once I’d say I too need some time to relax and lick my wounds, - Barry raised an eyebrow sarcastically implying that her skin hasn’t even touched any surfaces apart from him and it was his body that had scoffing marks everywhere. Iris got worried for a second: - Hurts that much? Barry shrugged it off: - I heal fast, give me some minutes. Iris brought her leg over his hips in a very suggestive manned and offered her version of a remedy: - Do you want ME to lick your wounds? Barry’s answering expression was a mixture of disbelief and excitement: - Iris, I’m all in… but weren’t you the one who asked for some time just now? Make up you mind, beautiful. Iris nodded in defeat: - Yeah, in all honesty, I do need some time to rest. I just like the felling… the afterglow. And she fell back to his chest hugging him tighter. Barry’s hand went traveling down her back, pressing and vibrating lightly, tending to her tensed muscles. Shortly Iris started to make little humming noises of pleasure – and Barry’s self-control started splitting at the seams. To distract himself from this train of thoughts – or to get Iris to the same train – Barry decided to ask the question that intrigued him this evening immensely: - Iris? - Yeah… - If I ask you something, will you answer? Iris prompted herself on her elbow and looked at him quizzically: - Sure, why not? Barry tried his best not to smile victoriously and asked: - What was it tonight? I mean, I am MORE THAN HAPPY that you couldn’t keep your hands off me… but at days likes this it’s usually the other way around – you try to give me some space and I try to catch you by the tail. What… changed? Iris pressed her lips tight and Barry’s heart fell – he was afraid she wouldn’t answer. Probably, it was something embarrassing. He shouldn’t have asked… - It’s what you said… - she answered looking away, tears brimming in her eyes, - About being worried for me. I am worried for you too, Barry. You’re the one running into burning building, collapsing bridges and crazed metahumans. I have lost you once – I will NOT survive the other one. And I can’t reverse time to bring you back. So every time you come back to me… beaten, burned, out of breath… but alive… Every time it’s my own personal miracle. My wish for every fallen star and every four-leafed clover. That you’d come back to me. Alive. If emotions could crush physically, he’d be flattened on the ground already. But he wasn’t. He was alive – with her, for her. And with every kiss he’d left on her lips, her face, her shoulders, her hands… he whispered “I love you”, “I love you”, “I love you”… She loved him back – and it was HIS own personal miracle. …

Iris giggled and Barry raised his head from her belly to look up: - What? She giggled some more and flicked his nose: - I considered your earlier question and came to the conclusion that it may have had something to do with a smoke! - Um… What? - The smoke. Something about the smell of smoke speaks to my primal instincts. Barry scoffed: - So, it’s not only about me coming back from the life-threatening situation then? It’s also that I smelled good? Iris nodded: - And the suit. Red leather looks really good on you. Barry looked away to where his suit – or what’s left of it – lay on the floor. He turned back to lecture Iris: - I’m not gonna tell Cisco that you called his reinforced tripolymer a “leather”. Iris waved her hand disregarding his vain threat: - Potato, potata… - then she’d caught herself at alarming thought and quickly added,  - but you sure not gonna tell Cisco about any of this, right? Barry chuckled: - Sure not! Barry thought to himself that this was one of the cases when Iris should be kept safely oblivious. He also wondered when will she catch up with the fact that his suit had built-in sensors – and speakers – that monitor everything that happens with him and around him. Which is why the fist time he and Iris got themselves into the heated makeout session, it took all of his poker face skills to act normally when Cisco’s voice suddenly spoke to him… in the process. “Why do I always have to be the one who walks in on this stuff? I was eating, for God sakes! Also, man, tomorrow morning Caitlin will check the readings of your suit and you’d better come up with some explanation for all the biometric spikes!” Barry chocked and made an excuse to leave Iris on her couch in the middle of their date. She probably still thinks that evening he went on to stop the robbery, came back, made out with her, and went to save somebody again. And Barry is NOT going to tell her how there was an audio recording of her moaning on top of him! The recording hadn’t existed anymore, he made sure of it. Still, the next day he asked Cisco to make a turn-off switch in the suit – which came in handy today when Iris asked to leave the suit on. To be honest, he didn’t understand the appeal – suit was a mere necessity to him, nothing too interesting. But then again he did like to see Iris in her black leather pants or knee-high boots – so he understood the notion of a kink. Considering how often Iris had seen him in this suit, he’d call it a win! …

- Yes, dad, he’s with me… Oh, did she? Ok, I’ll tell him… Sure, dad! Love you too! Night! Iris put down her phone and turned to face Barry – already fully clothed in sweatpants and a t-shirt they kept hidden in Jitters just in case. Actually… today was the first time the “case” has happened – and both Barry and Iris would have never imagined the circumstances for which they prepared these clothes! - Caitlin told dad you’re with me… but it’s getting late and he was wondering if you’re coming back home today. Barry hugged Iris who was still wrapped in a blanket – she looked so adorable like this! - You know, beautiful, I still think that it should be you living in the house with Joe – and I could go live with Cisco, he’d offered already. Iris looked away – she really didn’t like this topic. Somehow it all came at once – her finding out Barry’s secret and her breaking up with Eddie. She was so mad with her dad and Barry… but she couldn’t still live with Eddie either. So Tracy’s offer to stay with her came as a salvation. And now Iris liked her independence and occasional girly night-outs with Tracy and her friends. It was nice. Also, there was one more reason for this arrangement and Iris reminded Barry of it: - Bar, we’ve been through this already – Cisco lives in the apartment building with neighbors and surveillance cameras. Eventually somebody will catch up with you blasting in and out of Cisco’s place. So it’s better this way – dad’s house is much more secluded. I don’t mind, you shouldn’t either. Barry sighted – he’d lost this argument before, he knew the outcome this time too. Iris dropped the blanket to put on her dress – their rooftop date evidently came to an end. - So… - Barry ran his hand through his hair unsure of what to do now, - should I drop you off to your place? Iris giggled: - No way! I like my dress and I don’t want it to catch fire, thank you very much! Barry looked over her curvy body and nodded with appreciation: - Yes, I like this dress too. Especially… umm… zipper part. - You do, don’t you? She spun around theatrically so Barry could appreciate what he’d missed before in a hurry. When she’d stopped in front of him, Iris suggested: - Let’s do it like this – I go home, you go pick up some pizza and meet me there. I’m starving! - Iris… it’s past midnight. Cal’s pizzerias work till 11… and you don’t like anything from 24/7 places. Her eyes shot wide open with pretend surprise as if she didn’t know it herself. Than she’d said innocently: - Well, I’ve heard they have Cal’s Pizza 24/7 in Gotham City… His laughter disappeared in the lightning blur and Barry was still laughing when he emerged in his Flash costume. - Iris, it’ll take me half an hour to run there and back – don’t fall asleep till I come back. - I’ll give you a head start. As Iris winked at him, her boyfriend disappeared… in a flash.

[talenevertold]

IPKKND OS... Shower

Huge "thank you" to Melody who has reminded me of my shower headcanon born somewhere around these times...

Khushi woke up to a familiar scent of wood, cinnamon and mango. His scent. 

Arnav's lips brushed her forehead ever so gentle as he whispered "I love you. I'm off to the shower" and the bed cricked a bit when he stood up. Khushi opened her eyes to see her husband's back disappearing behind bathroom door. 

Her husband. Never before today Khushi has referred to him this way. Never marveled on a sound and a meaning of these words... Her husband. So many promises and expectations intwined together - promises of love, respect, protection, support, tenderness... Things she knew before but never so fully, so wholesomely, so perfect...

But there was more. Things that were new to Khushi, her being a newly married wife. Things that had much more... physical meaning. Because now... now she knew what a truly married life can give... and it was... it was...

Khushi shied away from the mere thought because it was probably too soon for her to daydream about... hm... THIS.

She looked around to see where Hari Prakash has placed her luggage and saw a towel. The one Arnav-ji forgot to take to the shower with him.

She shouted to him:

- Arnav-ji, you've forgotten your towel!

No respond. Khushi stood up and came closer to the door:

- Arnav-ji, your towel, you'll need it.

Again, no sound apart from the sound of water streaming down from the shower.

Khushi panicked right away "What if his head trauma was worth than we thought? What if he's unconscious?" and she stormed into the bathroom... to freeze in a doorway.

He wasn't unconscious. He was showering... shaving actually... murmuring something to himself and paying her no attention. So he probably hasn't heard her because of the water and he was all right after all. 

But Khushi's relief quickly changed with stupor. Apart from being all right, Arnav'ji was... naked. Steam did it's best to conceal his features... but she saw him through all that. And she couldn't look away.

His body was lean yet muscular, his broad shoulders formed a perfect triangle with narrow hips and lower down his back...

Khushi bit her lip to hide an involuntary sigh. She was not supposed to look at him like this, when he was showering oblivious to her presence!

- Khushi, will it become our family tradition that you watch me shower?

His voice yanked her out of her stupor and Khushi turned around to leave as quickly as she could. 

Only that did her no good as Khushi slipped and began to fall backwards when Arnav's strong hand caught her and pressed Khushi to his chest. To all of his body. 

His voice came hushed right to her ear caressing her earlobe with a touch of a warm air:

- It's OK. You are my wife. You have a right. Over me.

That rang a bell and Khushi inhaled deeply understanding NOW what kind of right was he implying that day at Bua-ji-s house. Khushi jumped to frantic explanations:

- Arnav-ji, you've forgotten your towel, so I wanted to give it to you, because you will need it, so I...

- Khushi... - his voice was... smiling. She just knew he was smiling pressing his forehead to the back of her head and blowing softly down her neck. Some sort of heat rose in her body, starting with tingling sensation where his breath touched her and spreading down her spinal core, making her arch a bit... 

Khushi tried to compose her thoughts:

- Y-yes?

- Khushi, you haven't brought a towel

- W-what?

- You said you came to bring me a towel but you haven't actually took it with you. So what are you doing here, wife?

It was not a simple question because she knew what kind of answer he was rooting for. Khushi felt how his body was heating up along with hers, drying any remaining water from his bronze skin. How Arnav was pressing her tighter to his body and it left no questions as to what his intentions may be... But the way he phrased his question irked Khushi just a tiniest of bits - he was actually expecting her to... to come forward?

- Arnav-ji, you haven't responded. I called but you haven't answered so I thought that maybe you have fallen sick because of your head injury so I came to check and...

For a second there Arnav stood motionless, gorgeous marble statue embracing Khushi. "You, fool! She didn't come here to indulge some naughty interest! She came here because she cares for you!"

Arnav turned Khushi around and grabbed her face with both his hands. His kisses covered her eyes, her temples, her cheeks...

- Khushi, I...

- I love you too, Arnav-ji... - she smiled back finishing his sentence.

- I love you so, so much, Khushi!

And then their lips met. He kissed her before... this night, the previous night. But every time this was so spectacular for Khushi as if it was for the first time. His mouth invaded hers in a most gentle yet arousing manner... exploring, conquering... inhaling life into her and leaving her breathless in the same time.

- Arnav-ji... What are you doing? - Khushi managed to slip in between the kisses that grew stronger and deeper into her body.

- Kissing you? Haven't we kissed before? - Anrav's voice was amused and hoarse - he was missing air too.

- Y-yes... But it's a day right now... and... and... - Khushi's face flashed deep red and she tried to look away. Arnav turned her head and looked into her eyes, he sounded genuinely worried:

- And what, Khushi? What's wrong?!

- Arnav-ji... you are... I... I can SEE you!

Arnav almost laughed on the sound of horror in Khushi's voice but caught himself right in time because he didn't want to embarrass his wife even more. Khushi may have been the only women in his life... but she was still a young girl. 

Yet Arnav couldn't help himself to make a joke on her shyness because it was way too adorable:

- So... what exactly is wrong? That you don't like what you see... - his smile has turned into mischievous smirk - Or that you LIKE what you see?

Khushi stopped breathing for a moment and then started again with rising speed - she was hyperventilating because of being caught on a spot like this. Arnav hugged her and tried soothing her:

- Shhhh, it's OK. I'm just joking, Khushi. I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you. I know you wouldn't...

Khushi fought with his embrace but in vane. She was uncomfortable being apologized for something that was actually truth - she did stay to WATCH! And she did LIKE what she saw!

Arnav continued:

- Close your eyes.

- What? - Khushi's eyes beamed wide open contradicting his words.

- It's OK, Khushi, I promise. Do you trust me?

Khushi pressed her eyes shut that same instant. She trusted him with her life, and he knew that.

Arnav pushed her a bit so Khushi stepped away till she was pressed against the wall. The air was dumpy and heavy - or maybe it only felt this way because she had troubles breathing.

Arnav's hands unbuttoned her blouse and he lowered it down a bit revealing Khushi's bare shoulders. His fingertips touched her right collarbone, traced it down to the tip of her neck and up to her left collarbone. Such simple gesture... so many sensations... 

Her neck, her shoulders, her chest... His face was soft. Clean shaven. Didn't matter. Because scratches he left with his stubble this night fired up again and made her shiver every time Arnav's skin pressed to hers...

It was growing in her. A firework of need. To touch, to kiss, to mark him with her nails, to pull his hair and see how his muscles contact when he's overpowered by passion... Khushi was coming undone. Fast...

- Arnav-ji... - not even a voice, just a whiff of air...

But Arnav has heard it and stopped right away. His fists were pressing into the wall on both sides of Khushi's head, and he was breathing heavily.

- Khushi, oh... Dammit! It's too soon for you, I shouldn't...

- Bed.

- W-what?

- Arnav-ji, our bed. We need to go to the bed.

Arnav finally regained some sort of mind control but still had troubles believing what he was hearing. Could it be that his Khushi... was saying THAT?

- Khushi, I don't want to coerce you to do this, because...

If she wanted a way out - this was it. But Khushi took the opposite direction:

- The floor is wet, Arnav-ji. And you have had enough injuries to serve a lifetime. Hence I propose bed.

She PROPOSES bed! Damn, that girl can make him go crazy in so many ways! Being ever so logical with her explanations... and so dizzily seductive in the same time! He would never have enough of Khushi! Ever!

***   ***   ***

Khushi was putting on her bangles and Arnav was adjusting his kurta trying to understand how exactly this supposed to look like on him. His wife loved him in this strange pajama suit and so he would wear it!

Khushi listened to his muted expletives as he fought with his clothes and smiled. It was somehow very important for her - this mutual morning routine, how they moved around each other doing their own business but still being together - with little touches, shy glances and happy smiles. They were about to attend their first pooja as truly married couple... and it felt like she would not be able to contain her elation with this new life.

Arnav chuckled:

- Um... Khushi... You may wanna stay back for a little longer before going to the temple.

- Why? What's wrong? - She watched him intently, with suspicion in her eyes. Because his voice was way too smug for the reason to be serious - more like he could've played a prank on her like that time with ink mustaches.

- Your nose... it's red. I'm afraid.. everyone will know why...

His grin has turned into victorious smile and Khushi groaned watching herself in the mirror. Indeed, her face was flustered and the reason for it was written all over her face. And all over Anrav's face for that matter...

She stood up and rushed him out of the room:

- Anrav-ji, you go, tell everybody I'm a bit late because...

Arnav has raised an eyebrow expecting to hear a reason and Khushi gave away:

- Tell them, I will be there soon.

She kissed him in a cheek and went to the bathroom to freshen up. On a doorway she felt that Arnav is still in the room, watching her. Khushi turned around and asked:

- What now?

Arnav looked stunned and delighted:

- You are getting gradually better with this! I mean, with casual peck on a cheek.

Khushi rested her hands on her hips and challenged Arnav:

- You are my husband. I have a right, don't I?

Arnav smirked and nodded gracefully:

- That you do, wife, that you do.

He turned reacting to some noise downstairs then faced Khushi again:

- I'm waiting for you...

- Always.

[talenevertold]

I came just for you, Khushi. But there's nothing here but pain and betrayal and hatred... And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Khushi. I wanted to give you a whole world for only a world can be as big as my love for you. Instead I left you to be humiliated in front of everybody while I fought with my inner demons and my anger. My anger that has nothing to do with you. I wanted you to forgive me for putting you through that terrible misunderstanding because we both know how an innocent girl can become a victim of a cunning man's lies... And yet another misunderstanding from our pasts came hunting and I wasn't there to protect you from this terrible deja vu... I wanted this to be a perfect day for us, the day when our love would be celebrated and cherished. But I turned it into a nightmare by letting others people hatred to taint our lives. I broke my promise of not keeping you waiting. I broke so many promises. But no more. Never again. I am a terrible person, Khushi, even though you don't see me this way. More so - the only reason that I am a better man now is that you NEVER saw me for a monster I wanted to be to the world. And I love you for that. For your forgiving nature, for your ability to believe in people, for your faith in me... you've waited for me for so long... today... forever. I love you for everything you are and for everything you make me be. But still... I'm a broken man. There are too many clouds and shadows in my soul. I want to... I want it so much to promise you bright undiluted happiness in the future but I can't. Because it will be a lie and we've already had too much of it. It will be hard for me. Maybe harder that it is right now. I will not be perfect nor will I be patient or understanding. But I won't be able to live without you. That is why... I'm asking you to... Save me. Heal me. Protect me. Take me. Marry me, Khushi. Here. Now.

This could have happen... In another world...

[talenevertold]

IPKKND current track #3

So...

I believe that...

Arnav will take his time to think this all through and in the beginning his thoughts will be angry and non-forgetful but then more memories of Khushi - his happy, inspiring, supportive, loving Khushi - will come flooding in his mind and he will understand that no matter what may have happened in their past, Khushi is not responsible for that and he can't leave her hanging and back out on his promisses because than he will be no better than his dad and Shyam.

In a meantime Dadi would not make it a secret to the rest of the family about why haven't Arnav show up - she will make a whole drama about humiliating abandoned Khushi claiming it all to be Garima's and Khushi's punishment for forgetting their "status" and hoping to steal away some rich boy.

Khushi would not believe it to be true, that Arnav could actually leave her... but the time will pass and people would be whispering in the corners, and Garima would be crying... and it will be too much for Khushi to bare and she will leave.

And this is the moment when Arnav will show up. He will have a short but powerful and very public showdown with Dadi telling her that he will sort out this thing later and he will make sure to get to the core because anger and rush never brought him anything good in the past. And it was Khushi who taught him to be a bigger man in the situations like this. And that is why he needs her support to go through this - hell, he needs her in every moment of his life! And that is why he came to marry Khushi.

Only Khushi has left already... Disappeared...

Arnav will find her. He will go to his mom's garden to tell her how he has messed up the best thing he had in life... and there will be Khushi.

Because that garden is their mandap. THAT is the place where Arnav took her to be his wife. So she should be waiting for him there, right?

Khushi would be talking to the stars, asking their mothers to take care of him in this dreadful time...

And Arnav will find her. For it is Khushi who has been sent to Earth to take care of him since she holds his life in her hands.

Khushi... is always Khushi... I would so much like to see her exploding on him, scolding him, being mad at him, furious even! But I'm just not sure she's even physically capable of such negative emotions - especially towards Arnav. She will justify his actions and him being late by simple "You came - that's all that matters".

And Arnav would reply "No, it's not all. We still have those sever rounds to do so our marriage will be final and official. I would not allow any misunderstanding here to ruin my one shot in happiness. This time we are doing it right and till the end."

And seven rounds. No whispers of surrounding guests, no heavy flower decoration, no melting ice-cream... Just them and the priest... and a holy fire.

[talenevertold]

Remember Sunday. Epilogue.

He wakes up to the sound of alarm clock and some radio station broadcast. It takes him a moment to realise that lady on the radio said "Good morning, New Orleans!"... and this is not even the most surreal thing! The place around him looks exactly the way his apartment should look like - telescope, moon posters, coffee mugs everywhere - yet he is positive he'd never seen this place before. Weird.

Trying to make sense of it all his gaze stumbles upon opened laptop with a sticky note that says "Gus! Don't freak out! Just press Play!". His hand writing. The day is getting weirder by the minute!

He presses Play and his own face appears on screen... his happy, albeit somewhat worn face... when did he get older?

Morning, Gus! And before you jump to a conclusion that this is a message from your future-self, I have to disappoint you - I am your past-self! And, man, do I have a story to tell!

So... um... About ten years ago you had an aneurysm (or, as Lucy refers to it, you "blew a fuse") which affected your hippocampus and... um... ok, long story short - you no longer have short-term memory. Basically every time you go to sleep in the night you forget everything that has happen to you during the day. Every day.

Yeah, man, I know, it sucks! Trust me, I've heard this story today and was as confused as you are right now... but I promise you, it gets better!

Ok... You moved to New Orleans so Lucy could take care of you (you moved alone... yeah...), you started working in Sam's jewellery shop (which you've inherited by now), and then you'd met her. Molly.

You love Molly. And she loves you back.

And I know exactly what you are thinking right now! Why would anyone love a guy who doesn't remember his girlfriend's name or favourite flowers the next day... any given day. But... it's Molly. She's special. And great!

It's freesias, by the way. Molly's favourite flowers are freesias.

So... you've made a lot of mess while dating Molly but she'd still pulled through and you two have gotten married seven years ago. 

Your wedding album is a big blue book on the top shelf. Check it out, you'll like it!

By the way, almost forgot! Molly had sent your manuscript on quintessence to Mount Wilson Observatory, guys back there ran your formulas through simulation system - and it worked! It's now called The Gillenwater's Effect... it's kind of a big breakthrough in modern cosmology. Congratulations, Einstein!

I've told you that Molly is great, haven't I?

So... you got married and you even got kids. The older one, Liam, is six and he's great at chess and swimming. The younger one, Amelie, is two, she likes to draw ponies and when you read to her. Amelie is allergic to shellfish, don't forget about it!

Molly owns a flower shop, or rather - you two own a flower-jewellery shop called The "Yes" Date, it's two blocks away from your house. Yep, man, you live in a house! All grown up now! You even have a dog, Brim, you'll find that little devil chewing on your shoes downstairs.

It's probably time for you to go downstairs anyways. You make pancakes for the family breakfasts. The recipe for pancakes is in your smartphone - it's on the bedside table to your right. The same smartphone holds a database for everyone and everything relevant in your life - family, friends, customers... photos, dates, personal notes. It also has some wicked cool picture recognition software on it (courtesy of your connections in science world) so you only have to take a picture of any new person and your phone will tell you everything you need to know. So don't try to read through entire database - take it easy! And feel free to add new notes - tomorrow-you may need them too.

And... erm... Liam is a bit too curious about said database... so it's password protected. The password is the same you've had on your computer in observatory. Trust me - you wouldn't want your six-year-old to stumble upon some... umm... notes about your's and Molly's... private life. Those are... R-rated.

So... I guess it's about it. Go join your family, don't miss your jogging appointment with Jerry and check your phone for the rest of your schedule for today. Keep it simple, man, and enjoy!

And I know it's a bit too much to process in one take. But trust me, Gus, I woke up to the same story this very morning. It felt like some sick joke that Universe had played on me for trying to figure out its secrets... But by the end of the day it felt so right! You have a home, family, friends... They know you don't remember them every other morning... yet they still choose to stay by your side. Because they love you. You would never have felt so much love in your life as you do now! Every day, every single one new day.

I am lucky. You are lucky. Tomorrow-Gus is lucky too. 

We all get to hold on to the things we love. Cherish it!

Bye!

And the video stops.

His phone beeps with message from Jerry "Man, are we up for a game on Friday or what? Don't you dare to bail on me this time! See you in an hour! I will PERSONALLY make sure you have our game in your crazy notes!"

Apparently, he has plans for the next Friday. Also his phone reminds him that he has to fix up Mrs.Colbert's diamond ring, buy groceries and pick up Liam from swimming practice at 4 p.m. Time stamps, GPS locations, shopping lists... Reminders of upcoming birthdays with presents ideas he'd probably noted before. 

He closes down the planning app... and freezes. The background picture on his phone is a photo. An unbelievably beautiful woman with sky-blue eyes and the warmest smile ever. Curly boy with green eyes and a little girl holding on to a big pink pony.

His family. His... family...

Downstairs something falls down with a loud noise and high-pitched baby voice shouts "Mommy, mommy! It was Brim! Not me!"

He stands up and heads for the door to the staircase... Time to meet the family.

[talenevertold]

IPKKND current track #4

I mean... through all that happy maze and butterflies that are lifting my body to unreachable hights... I have this thought... this very big thought...

HOW FREAKING CUTE WILL THE NEXT EPISODE BE!

Sure thing, the best part of the actual shugaat raat will be that HP will bring in more flowers and will put them right on the path of that creepy camera...

or Anjali will come and will drag Shyam out for some all-night family celebration...

And then the next morning will come.

And they will wake up in the same bed.

And there will be jokes about Khushi's laal nak (because she will be remembering her shugaat raat).

And he will go all bossy on her about how she is now his rightful wife so she should go and make him some sugar-free jalebis.

And he will go to the shower and will ask her for a towel.

And he will actually attend pooja.

And then she will feed him breakfast.

And they will go to their garden.

And they will plan for a honeymoon.

Oh... stop me, I have too many happy ArShi headcanons =)

It's not the end of the show so there will be more to overcome... But I NEED happy ArShi for a while, it will last me through anything!

Any happy headcanons, people?

[talenevertold]

I think...

Shyam will bring the baby.

Arnav will try to collect his courage and answer Di's hysterical questions about "Where's my baby?" and Shyam will waltz in with a baby claiming it to be theirs.

In the hospital corridor Shyam will explain to all Raizada's/Gupta's there that he has received a call from a doctor saying that she is in critical physical and mental state and may not be able to cope with the news. So he brought the baby that was left by it's mother after birth - good for Anjali, good for baby, Shyam is the hero of the day.

And than Shaym will emotionally blackmail Arnav to let him back in to the Shantivan to "rejoin the family". And what can anybody do? One bad move and Shyam will reveal all the truth to Anjali and the whole IPKKND set of characters is known for not upsetting her at any cost.

Thus, Shyam is back, wedding goes on as scheduled (as there are no obvious reasons for Anjali to mourn) and all the spoilers from Mishti, TeamBARUN and StarPlus stay true.

[talenevertold]

This is a Shadowhunters vs. TMI rant

When the book is written, it is a piece of art (quality pending) and it’s author’s vision and even though reader’s imagination may run wild in every unexplored direction (that what fanfiction is for) but the canon stays the same - it’s the book itself.

But once the author has sold the rights to the book - willingly and for a fair price - THE STORY IS NO LONGER SET IN STONE!!! It’s a box of Lego pieces and while some things will stay the same because they are the pillars of the set, but the constructions, places where one puts little Lego figurines, the scenarios one enacts with those figurines etc. - now it’s up to the one who owns the box (in this case - legal rights).

So yes, the Shadowhunters is not an exact replica of The Mortal Instruments. It never promised to be one. It OWES NOTHING to people who expected it to be an exact replica. The show is basically Slightly!AU fanfiction because it plays with familiar characters and situations but does it differently, in it’s own unique way. If you like this way - you are a Shadowhunter’s fan, if you don’t and you want your canon book!verse - find the book on your shelf, re-read it and sleep happily! Because the show DOES NOT OWE ANYBODY A THING!

If you keep shitting on the show and it gets cancelled - that will be the end of visual era for TMI. The adaptation rights won’t go back to author to be sold for one more adaptation. First of all, that’s not how the adaptation rights work (Freeform will own them for a very long time, disregarding of using them or not). Secondly, the show is the second TMI outing and it’s last - because no one would attempt to go for something that has failed twice. Thirdly - the visibility of TMI series would diminish too... Right now there are people who will buy the book eager to know what happens with the story while the show would go on hiatus. They will probably keep buying the books (including the newest ones) to get to the end of the barrel thus benefitting the author too.

Ergo, if the show continues it’s a win-win situation for everybody, whether you like the show itself or just want CC to benefit from its popularity and keep writing books in this verse. 

We, the Shadowhunters fandom, don’t ask for help in making this show popular - if you don’t like it, then you don’t like it. Just leave it alone! Don’t come correcting the way we play with the Shadowhunters Lego set just because you played differently!!! Paraba-please!

[talenevertold]

BatB OS: Unspoken

This is an OS dedicated to a great and really talented beastie Brit without whom this fanfiction wouldn't look half as great as it looks now! 

***   ***   ***

Words unspoken,

Tears unshed,

Trust unbroken,

Look!

Just look what life

***   ***   ***

Knock on a door. But he never knocks…

Catherine opened a door to find JT awkwardly leaning on her door frame.

- Hi.

- Hi, - she responded and moved aside inviting him to come in. Her mind immediately went to the worst case scenario of why would JT come:

- Is Vincent all right? Has he gone missing again?

JT shrugged:

- No, he’s fine. I came on my own. 

- Oh… Why?

JT was silent while she closed the door and came back to him where he was seated by the table. JT handed Catherine a box:

- I came to give you this.

She eyed him then the box and asked again:

- What’s this?

JT smiled on her quizzical expression:

- You know, it’s easier to open it to see for yourself.

Catherine nodded absentmindedly and took a box. She opened it to find a set of folded papers with a very much familiar hand writing…

- You brought me back Vincent’s letters for Alex? Why would I need them? I was the one who gave it to him, remember?

JT shook his head:

- Alex was not the only one Vincent has ever written to… and not the one he kept writing all these years.

Catherine looked surprised – why would Vincent write to anybody while in hiding? JT answered her silent question:

- He was writing to his mom.

He fiddled a stack of paper (Catherine noticed that letters were arranged chronologically) to find the earliest dated letter. The number on it said “15th of July, 2002”.

JT took a letter not opening it, just looking at a date.

- This was a letter Vincent did not send her from the army… Things were getting difficult and it escalated so quickly that he just didn’t have a time to mail it. But he kept it anyway… One day I’d found him reading this letter… and trembling. With grief and loss and fear.

JT ran his fingers through his tangled curls and spoke passionately:

- Cat, you must understand. To him it was a letter from a guy who died, was buried… he had seen his mom crying over his grave and couldn’t even say a proper goodbye to her…

His voice dropped:

- I prompted Vincent to write to her. Keep writing so one day we would give all these letters to her. I thought it would help Vincent, give him a light in the end of the tunnel. Maybe I was right and it helped… maybe it had no effect on him… but Vincent kept writing. A lot.

Catherine looked through the papers – not more than twenty pages:

- Not so much writing for ten years.

JT’s respond was rough, almost angry:

- He’d tried burning them all! These are the ones I managed to snatch away from him! 

Catherine said in soothing voice:

- Burn? Why?

Life has drained from his face and all of a sudden he became too composed. He motioned to the upper letter. The date said “14th of January, 2010”.

- She died. Heart attack.

Catherine bit her lip realizing how rude was her previous comment. Sorrow on JT’s face gave away the painful truth – he loved that woman, Vincent’s mother.

- What was she like?

JT’s gaze became unfocused like he was traveling back to the happier memories:

- She was nice. Beautiful even. But that’s not what was special about her… She had this smile… when you came into room her face lit up like she was waiting for you all day long and now she is completely happy to see you! It felt so warm… and she made the best cookies ever!

Catherine smiled and nodded. She knew this feeling. A feeling of a mother.

They were silent for a while… Catherine was caressing the ribs of folded pages not really sure if she should open it or not.

- Why have you brought these to me?

- Catherine… you should realize something. None of us – not me, certainly not you – understands how these last ten years had been for him. Forever in hiding from Muirfield, from the Beast… forever longing for normal life… the old one he had.

 Catherine tried interrupting him but he didn't let her:

- Shhh, I know. I’m totally with you on this one – the way he ran off with Alex was totally uncalled for, especially from perspective of… two of you.

He’d made this uncomfortable shoulder movement like he didn't really know how to discuss… them. But that didn't stop JT from saying his piece till the end:

- I just think this may help you to understand what kind of person Vincent is, what he’s made of, what he wants from life if we will ever get him one…

Catherine looked at the box that held so much more meaning now. What if it was true? What if these twenty pages held all the answers?

- What’s in it? In these letters, I mean? What does Vincent write about?

JT shrugged:

- You’ll have to read them to find out. I never read any of it. These are not mine, nor for me. But I took up a duty to keep them safe… so would you please return them to me once you’re finished, OK?

And with that JT stood up to leave:

- JT, wait! If you haven’t read them maybe I shouldn't too?

He looked Catherine right in the eyes, his gaze full of unwavering conviction:

- The deepest truth about my best friend is on those pages. He wrote to his MOM! When he was exited, when he was upset, in anger or giggling uncontrollably like an idiot he is… I don’t know which letters I managed to save but all of them are him. Vincent. And apart from his mom I know no other person who has more rights on him and these letters than you. So… read.

And with that he closed a door behind him.

***   ***   ***

Most of the time the dates on the letters were written in different ink than the letters itself. Like if Vincent forgot to put date at first but marked it afterword. It could have not been JT who’d marked them… but Catherine could bet it was JT who’d organised them in order.

She took the first letter. The one that was never sent…

The last letter. The one he would never send now…

***   ***   ***

Pages were falling out of Catherine’s hands but she was too frozen to care. 

These letters were not answers or puzzle pieces or clues she’d hoped them to be. They were shards of her Vincent… Little steps that turned young man with exuberant smile from Alex’s photos into hunted beast. But he was HER hunted beast, hers to protect, hers to be protected by…

That miraculous healing few years back… That boyfriend she dated for two weeks – jerk, indeed…

Catherine was in every second letter of his… And how many more died in that fire? But still… He knew her even before he knew her!

And… “Is it OK if I now have more than one reason to get back my life?” It was not about Alex, it was about her, Catherine. He wanted his life for two of them…

***   ***   ***

Knock on the door. But he already knew who’s coming… not the sound of her footsteps – he recognized a sound of her heartbeats…

- Hi, - his voice was rough and he cleared it, - what you’re doing here?

Catherine looked around her… bewildered by the looks of the place – there were paper cranes all over the place! They hanged like wind chimes connected with strings – all of them very little, but so very real, almost alive…

- No, Vincent, what are YOU doing?

He looked around too as if it was a first time he saw a flock of paper cranes nesting everywhere.

- Oh, this is “origami – time honored art of a rich culture”, - his voice sounded mocking but warm, Catherine instantly knew he was doing the impression of JT, his “know-it-all” guy.

- And does every origami attempt have to be so… massive?

He smiled his crooked smile:

- It’s Senbazuru, a thousand crane deal. You make one thousand origami cranes and get one wish granted.

She set close to him on a bad where colorful pages were spread out:

- And what was your wish?

Vincent looked her in the eyes and said simply:

- For you to come talk to me.

Just like that. He wanted to talk.

Catherine inclined her head and squinted her eyes smiling:

- Well, I’m here. Talk.

Vincent put away a piece of paper he was holding and took Catherine's hand. Her hand was so small in his big one... But it felt so right.

- Catherine, what I said at that roof - it's all true. I stand by every word. I never stopped falling for you... The thirst to be with you defines me for so long that I don't even remember what it was like not to love you.

He said it so simply, matter-of-factly... Like it was a known truth written in stone. Catherine closed her eyes and held her breath savoring the moment, this tingling sensation of joy spreading through her body...

Feeling of their fingers entwining brought Catherine back from her happiness trance. Vincent took her hand closer and kissed her palm. He then touched her palm to his cheek closing his eyes as she did earlier.

- Catherine, I want my normal life. Being able to walk on a crowded street holding someone's hand, have a romantic dinner in a nice restaurant with someone, picnic in the park... I want a life to share it with someone...

He shrugged remembering how exactly he acted out that part during these last few weeks.

- I got carried away and I will be forever sorry for the pain I had inflicted on you... But you need to know that only "someone" I see in this future normal life is you. Always has been you, always will be.

But then his voice went rigid, tired... lost. Vincent looked around and said quietly:

- But this... this is not a life, Catherine. Not the one I want to force on you, to limit you to this warehouse, to my hunted existence. Believe me, I've lived this life for too long to wish it upon somebody, especially on somebody whom I love so much.

Catherine silenced him pressing her fingers to his lips:

- Shh, I'll be the judge of what life I want to have and believe me when I say that I know exactly what I can expect from this life. But as long as you're in - I'm in too.

There were moments of blissful silence where they were content to just be together, inhaling each other's breath, counting heartbeats… Vincent smiled:

- Geez, I will never doubt JT about this origami thing! It worked out better than I thought… 

Catherine smiled back with a deeper meaning to her smile he could possibly know of:

- What would you do with these? As lovely as they are, I doubt they will go well with the rest of the interior here.

Vincent looked around and nodded:

- Yeah, I think I'll send them to Crane for Cancer, it's an initiative to send cancer patients thousand paper cranes to show them support, I've seen these in the hospital when I came to see you…

Catherine nodded – she'd seen colorful paper cranes too but didn't know the significance:

- It's a very good idea! I should help you make some more!

Vincent handed her a paper and a folding scheme. His smile was mischievous:

- Plotting to get one of your own wishes done?

- Vincent, just to set record straight – these cranes had nothing to do with me coming today!

- Oh! Then what? I swear I haven't been sending any more roses or flashmobs your way…

Catherine said mysteriously with no further explanations intended:

- Let's just say… you have great best friend!

The end