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aivylz · 29 days ago

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Frostbitten

It has been four long years since Zayne has left Akso Hospital for good, including you and Linkon City. Four long years leaving you with multiple questions left unanswered, only for it to be bestowed upon you four years later.

؛ଓ requested by anon, no tw but there will be hurt/no comfort in here. for the zayne girls reading this, i am no zayne girl myself for i am a rafayel girl but i did my best to understand his personality and intentions for this work. enjoy :) .ᐟ ao3

Four years. Four long years after Zayne had left you, for good. You didn’t know where he went or where he was, leaving you desperate and mad at him for leaving you in such a state. His phone? Static. No calls or text messages from him, or perhaps it was because he restricted your number. Your messages still went through, and your calls always ended up in voicemail. Surely, he didn’t block you, but perhaps abandoned his number to keep himself from reaching out to you.

Four long years leaving you devastated with unanswered questions, filled by rage and anger as to why he left so suddenly. Hurt that he did, and sorrow for leaving you independent. Of course, you had your friends with you, sure. But it was Zayne, the same person who promised to never hurt you again and would stay by your side may the heavens and earth fall down from the sky.

Zayne was your… everything. Your closest friend, your lover, your adviser, and might I add your doctor. He was there during your childhood, to be the one who would always patch up your wounds, to your doctor who treated your heart with care and delicateness, only for him to throw it onto the ground and be the one to break it after caring for it for the longest time. How could someone else fill that gap inside your hollow and dejection?

Oh, snap out of it. It’s been so long, surely you can’t still be upset about it.

You averted your gaze from the familiar toy handing on the shelf at the same place you two once played the claw machine with, a child holding onto your hand as he looked up to you.

“Are you okay, miss y/n?” The kid said, his eyes full of concern and interest.

Your eyes met the kid, giving him a small laugh and a sweet smile. “I’m alright, Kevi. Don’t worry.”

You bumped into the kid just by Azure Square while you were taking a walk, with the same Professor Lucius, of course. You insisted that you would walk around the city with the kid, which ended up in Twinkle Toys.

“Take your pick, Kevi. I’ll buy you whatever you like. But just one, okay?” Kneeling down, your eye level met his. His eyes sparkling with joy as he nodded and immediately looked around. He instantly pointed towards the one by the bottom shelf a few steps away from you. It seemed like it was a replica of the current famous protagonist of a movie you recently saw. “You want this one?”

Kevi nodded as you picked up the doll, showing it to him. “Alright, let’s get you this one!”

You stood up from the floor and checked the price tag. Ahh… nothing. But there is a barcode.

Walking towards the cashier, you asked the lovely lady by the desk to scan the code. She placed it in front of the scanner and showed you the price, and thankfully, it was in your budget. You went to grab your wallet from your pocket when you heard a familiar, featherlike voice that once soothed you.

“Good morning.” He said, but he wasn’t talking to you.

Oh, there he is. “Zayne?” You muttered out, accidentally.

It almost felt unreal, that maybe you were just hallucinating. Hoping that it really wasn’t Zayne and someone who just resembled him too much, or how your heart started to quicken as the man turned his head towards you. Lo and behold, your eyes weren’t deceiving you at all. It really is Zayne.

Your grip on Kevi began to tighten, making him pull on your hand to grab your attention.

“y/n?” Zayne said, looking almost as shocked as you were. His hands were in his pocket, as the plush toy he was going to buy sat on the counter.

You repeated his name, almost as if you were calling out to him, but under your breath. Your grip started to loosen, checking up on the child as you turned to face Zayne again.

Oh, God. How could you even face him so shamelessly? Almost as if you weren’t just cursing his name and his entire existence yesterday for the past four years, only to feel so nervous and horrified to see him again. You wanted to run away, you really did. Even to the point you ignored him and continued to grab your wallet and the money for the kid, creating an awkward silence between you. To think that silence like these was comforting to the both of you, now it felt like a disturbance in your morning.

You paid for the damn toy and wanted to run off as soon as possible, but as the lady was calculating your chance, he broke off the silence with a simple, “How are you?”

He didn’t turn himself to look at you, but rather slightly tilted his head so he could see most of you from his peripheral vision.

This man. How could he act so… normal? After he left you so bluntly without a word nor a single trace. Which is funny, how such a big shot doctor like him could just leave Linkon City without anyone noticing. Not even you. The thought leaves a bitter feeling in your mouth, but you have to hold back on your attitude.

“Fine.” You said. It was a neutral answer, really. You really were just fine.

Zayne hummed at your response, vaguely shaking his head with a soft sigh. Seems like there wasn’t any way to speak to you, and he knew you might be still hung up on last time. He was about to take his leave, grabbing onto the paper bag when you called out to him.

“Wait, can we… talk. I believe you owe me an explanation.” You said.

…What were you doing? You haven’t even processed the thought before it came over running in your mouth, even you were surprised and taken aback with your words. You just wish the world ended there, or at least no one around so you can freely bang your head against the wall repeatedly over and over again until it was echoing in your skull, practically telling you there was nothing inside your head.

Thankfully enough, Zayne was still somewhat the same understanding person you knew. He nodded at your request and pulled out his phone. You gave Kevi the toy and excused yourself to bring him back to the Professor, “How about… the same bakery from last time?” You suggested a place where you will meet him.

“That will do.” He replied, looking back at you as he shoved his phone back in his pocket.

As you stepped out of the store, you let out the biggest sigh known to man. You never realized that you were holding in your breath the whole time, and leaving that place was very much needed.

“Let’s get you back to your father, hm?” You said to the child.

The walk back to the square felt so short, even if it did take you roughly about ten minutes. One minute you’re leaving the store and the next you’re already standing in front of the bakery. Do you intend to run away again this time? He might’ve paid for it already. He always did.

Oh, shut up.

You pushed the door open with your shoulder, looking around to figure out where Zayne would sit. If I was Zayne, where would I be? Normally, he would sit by a window, a place where it’s cozy and you can see people walking back and forth outside. So, you peered through the left and right windows and found Zayne sitting there. You gracefully worked your way towards him, your heart racing and thumping through your ears almost like loud drums who were impending on your misfortune.

With delicate breathing, you managed to even out your gasps of air as you pulled back the chair and sat down, apologizing to him for taking your much needed time. There, on the table, you noticed that he really did already buy fill in pastries and drinks. It wasn’t all flashy, but seemed delicious enough to take a bite of.

“You didn’t have to…” You said, swallowing down on your words as you looked at him, his face barely readable now. Are you losing your prowess to read him?

He seemed to shrug your decline, crossing his legs as he connected his fingers as his elbows sat on the arm rest. “It’s already here, no need to decline.”

“You must be talking about what happened before, yes?” He questioned, his gaze sitting firm and unwavering on you as he noticed the way you were subtly averting his gaze.

Well, you did say he owes you an explanation, so why decide to dodge the topic? You’re already here and faced with the opportunity to seek the answer you oh so desperately sought out for. Would you really want to choose to steer the conversation differently and let your feelings slide again just for the sake of speaking to him like nothings wrong? Yes, it's bittersweet to be able to have a conversation with him once again, but that would mean ignoring the aching feeling in your heart just because you chose him again.

You nodded your head as you fidgeted with your fingers, “Yes, but, why did you leave Akso first? I mean, when you left, the director didn’t approve your resignation at all. By the time I went to visit you, everything was just… gone.”

Zayne raised his eyebrows at your question. He’s thankful you were honest about your answer, but he wasn’t expecting you’d bring up the hospital right after. He let out a soft sigh as he calculated the right words to say, “Because I knew that if I stayed with Akso, I’d still be in Linkon and you’d come looking for me.”

He stopped his words as he continued his gaze on you, waiting for you to ask another question or to simply speak. When you didn’t, he continued.

“I couldn’t bear to face you again after what I did to you. I feared that if I stayed a lot longer, I’d come to hurt you again one day.” Zayne removed his glasses and placed them onto the table, you head slowly nodding with understanding and a new profound perspective and insight. You thought he was done explaining, but he spoke for the third time.

“I figured that me leaving would hurt you again, but it’d be better if I left and hurt you for the last time than stay and wonder when will be the next time my evol will go after you many more times.”

You let out a shaky ‘ah’ at his words, biting down on your inner lip as you furrowed your eyebrows. “So that was what you leaving was about?”

No wonder. You should’ve expected that he didn’t leave because he didn’t want you anymore. Rather, he left because he loved and cared about you too much to keep himself from hurting you.

He left out a hum as he took a sip of his… boba tea. You assume it’s the usual, a hundred percent added sugar to it. You wanted to laugh, to say that some things don't change at all. A chuckle left out your lips instead, a small smile creeping up to your face as you reminisced how you’d always scold him that he’s just waiting for diabetes to hit him already.

He noticed this, shaking his head with a smile and asked if his explanation was fit and expected of your standards. With a nod, you stirred your drink with a spoon.

“I… I think I understand it now.” You said, a mumble but clear enough for him to hear.

“I’m glad.”

You wanted to keep the conversation going, wanted to explain how much hurt he caused you for leaving, but it felt like it wasn’t valid anymore knowing he left with good intentions and not to physically hurt you. You were capable of defending yourself, but a type of hurt from Zayne is different–something you can’t defend and recover from.

“So… where did you go after leaving Linkon?” You asked, your voice slightly shaky as you still avoided eye contact from him. Your eyes fixated on the food and drinks in front of you.

Zayne’s composure went back from earlier, elbows rested and fingers intertwined. “I stayed in a different city far from Linkon, but I recently moved back to the outskirts of the city just five months ago.”

“Really? What were you doing then?” Since he ran from his job, you wondered what kind of living he had back then.

“I took the time to manage my evol, as well as wonder what life is like outside the city.” His answer felt sincere. No false wording or lies behind it, you assumed. This time, you looked at him and took a bite of the pastry. It didn’t taste bland, nor was it too sweet. It was just perfect to your liking.

“I’d like to ask you the same thing. How's your aether core?”

You stopped chewing when you asked, not really expecting that he would bring up this topic. You nervously laughed as you shook your head. “I’ve… been stationed to another doctor, but regarding the aether core itself, I do take the time to visit Doctor Noah instead. Other than that, I’ve been fine.”

With the time left in both of your hands, you both managed to catch up on each other's lives. How Zayne lived off well in the city he ran away to, or how you’ve been doing well and far better than before as Hunter. You’ve mentioned that you reunited with Caleb recently, and with the same mocking disinterest in his face as you spoke.

You found yourself growing soft and lowered your guard around him, even when you felt like you had a whole wall around you and another wall behind it to make sure your feelings won’t slip away. But, this is Zayne. You can’t act like you still don’t want him right at his face. The same person that made you feel like home and provided the comfort you needed, you can’t hate him even if you wanted to.

By the time you noticed the time, it was already somewhat around the afternoon. There was a tug in your heart that you don’t want this moment to end, not just yet. Letting him leave meant that you’ll miss him all over again, when your heart yearns to come back home to him. There you were, in your seat, dazing off as he spoke and ate, do you really want to feel the same emptiness once he leaves? You could stay as friends, of course. But how do you stay friends with someone who has wanted and longed for each other ever since you were children?

“Zayne–” You blurted out, cutting him off suddenly. You don’t remember what he was saying, so you assume you were already dozing off by that then. “Do you think…”

Say it. He’s already in front of you. What’s stopping you? But gosh, you can’t speak properly. Your words and your heart was fighting each other.

“Is there a possibility for us to… try again?”

Your heart was racing, absolute cold sweat running down your face. Your back felt hot, almost like the devil itself was watching you from behind. Your throat went dry, and your whole body felt like it was shaking uncontrollably. You see, here’s what it looks like. His love for you was to protect you, making him run away from himself. However, your love for him was to seek the closeness you both once had. You two had different approaches. You thought to yourself, and usually two negatives causes posit–

“I’m afraid there’s no possibility.”

Huh? Why not?

Before you could speak, he removed the glove from his left hand and, oh fuck.

“You’re… married?” You eyed the golden ring on his finger, unsure what to feel. You feel… sadness, yes. Almost ridiculously for even trying. The way the ring shined with the sun’s glow, almost like an object of ridicule.

Your face turned into a scowl as you kept your eyes glued onto it, breaking your contact as he wore the glove again. You can’t… ugh, you can’t even come to a conclusion let alone an explanation on what was happening. During those four years he left, he already got married?

“I’m only back in Linkon because my wife requested to be here.” He started.

No. No, please stop talking. Please, just stop. Maybe this was just a dream, and that the Zayne in front of you is just a nightmare. Zayne never went back to Linkon, you never bumped into him in that damned toy store, and you never caught up with each other in this damned bakery. This was never real.

“The toy I bought was for our child.”

Stop. Stop talking. Please, stop.

The scowl on your face turned sour as you felt water trickle from your waterline. You never noticed that your heart got heavy and how you were about to cry. The trembling hands that sat on your lap balled into a fist as you swallowed down a lump in your throat. Please, don’t cry. Not now.

All the same, you never realized either that he already stood up from his seat and pulled the jacket around his shoulders again, grabbing the paper bag from the sides.

“The food is already paid for. I apologize for having to come to this ending. I’d appreciate it if you don’t let the food go to waste.” And with that, he walked past you and you heard the door ring, emphasizing that he already left.

Oh, poor you. Left alone once again. Your sigh was shaky as you lowered your head, Your hands immediately covering your mouth as you felt yourself breaking down. You tried to muffle your cries, not when you’re in a public area with barely any people. Stop crying.

But it was pathetic, your heart wanted him yet he was already married. Four years of you wondering where he was, your heart aching for an explanation, and four years of wanting to just be with him again. How could this happen? You grabbed your napkin from your pocket, opening it to cover your face as you continued to silently cry and pray to whoever was listening for the staff to not notice you. You wanted to run. Run away forever and never come back to this place, knowing the chances of bumping into him again and again. It hurts loving Zayne, doesn't it?

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