#layla my saving grace...

[gifti3]

Omg this story is greasy af

[hematomes]

You know,as someone who played Genshin,hsr,zzz and hi3 (not at the same time , I dropped hi3 after a while and I might drop zzz cuz combat wise it's also a hack n slash) ,maybe I'm biased but it feels like Genshin gets the worst ideas ,Like if you put the aspects of each game on a spectrum I feel like most of Genshin's aspects end up on the lower half.

It kinda makes me sad because zzz has some cool stuff, hsr too, HI3 has the excuse of being hoyos golden child so to say I guess, regardless of how well it does financially that game is still a big deal you know, but Genshin feels like it's being weirdly left out of all this cool stuff.

Character kits? Been getting worse tbh, animation probably not,I don't think Genshin's animation has ever went anywhere but up, story wise it's fine, and design wise it depends on the character I guess.

Idk ,maybe I'm talking nonsense but it feels like somewhere a few higher ups decided that Genshin would some sort of scapegoat somehow, but then again why would they do that when they could just as well just rake in the money from all of thier IPs, my thought process feels a bit conspiracy theory like

I'm probably just making a big deal out of nothing though.

i agree that genshin has been getting the short end of the stick in v5. rant incoming but i genuinely can't believe how bad it has become lmao

natlan as a nation is... extremely underwhelming. the archon quest has its moments (the war bit was actually very intense imo), but the characters lack depth for the most part, or at least it's explored in different parts that are mostly hidden.

mavuika is the worst archon by a long shot, because she's not flawed like the rest of them. it still feels uncanny that capitano agreed with her plan in a matter of minutes. she feels very... mary sue-esque? like everyone even outside of her nation blindly trusts her, even the traveler. it negates the traveler's character development from nations like fontaine and inazuma, and makes mavuika boring as hell.

mualani is the classic bubbly girl. cool. xilonen exists as a justification for the modern tech. cool. chasca is supposed to be constantly battling demons and was supposedly raised by literal beasts but it's barely addressed/isn't reflected in her character both design and personality wise, and both of her npc sisters were more interesting than her. citlali was cool until she turned into yet another aether simp (they even gave her a specific romantic moment if you play aether, which never happened with playable characters so far). ororon is the saving grace but also turned into a matchmaker for aether and citlali, which is also boring as fuck, and to top it off he's a 4* despite his importance and involvement in the quest (same thing can be said about kachina, the other interesting character). kinich has potential, but appears for a total of 4 frames to have a funny moment with ajaw and then dips. iansan seems really fun but she's yet another chibi with an ambiguous age (professional trainer? how.).

gameplay wise... mavuika is a let down. the nth pyro main dps, HEAVILY reliant on natlan mechanics and characters, fundamentally unplayable without at least xilonen or citlali. the fact that they're rerunning arlecchino in the same patch when arlecchino is 1k better and more powerful is kind of laughable. it is believed that they're surprisingly running both mavuika and citlali in p1 to damage control their revenue, idk how accurate that could be but im inclined to believe it.

xilonen is a cool addition, and a great buff to some teams. she's the only saving grace of natlan so far imo- citlali has a lame ass shield that layla surpasses with a few constellations, kinich is burn reliant so without emilie he's a bit difficult (clinky gameplay as well in my experience), mualani is HORRID to play but she is in fact neuvi-level, chasca is just.. erm. idk. i miss fontaine and sumeru.

even disregarding the glaring issue of gender ratio (a matter so big that even streamers and casual "waifu" pullers are also complaining about it lmao), natlan is ass. like, genuinely. it is ass. i have been playing genshin for 4 years. i stopped buying the battle pass and the login blessing for the first time in these 4 years.

genshin, imo, is the money maker- they've built their empire on it with how big it became, so now they're comfortable enough to neglect it. it's sad and i hate it bc it was one of my favorite games, but i don't really hold out any hope for snezhnaya anymore.

[hellywoodfmm]

JAEWON RYU , TIFFANY CAMPBELL , KIERA VEGA , & KHAIR HARRIS  – ARIANA GRANDE IS NOW TAKEN. – thank you sm for applying !! message us for the discord !!

[ JUNG HOSEOK ] – there’s been a lot of talk about [ JAEWON RYU ] recently. apparently [ HE/THEY ] are known to be [ - IMPULSIVE ], which isn’t so bad since they can also be [ + PASSIONATE ] – a saving grace. they’re a [ MUSICIAN & ACTOR] and have [ 278M ] across multiple platforms. i wonder what their next scandal will be.  | rhi. they/she/he. gmt.

[ TAYLOR RUSSELL ] – there’s been a lot of talk about [ TIFFANY CAMPBELL ] recently. apparently [ SHE/HER ] are known to be [ APPREHENSIVE ], which isn’t so bad since they can also be [ BENIGNANT ] – a saving grace. they’re a [ ACTOR & MODEL ] and have [ 3M FOLLOWERS ] across multiple platforms. i wonder what their next scandal will be.  | layla. she/her. cst.

[ DEMI LOVATO ] – there’s been a lot of talk about [ KIERA VEGA ] recently. apparently [ SHE/HER ] are known to be [ - IMPULSIVE ], which isn’t so bad since they can also be [ + CHARISMATIC ] – a saving grace. they’re a [ MUSICIAN / ACTOR ] and have [ 157M FOLLOWERS ] across multiple platforms. i wonder what their next scandal will be. | jamie. this is my last i swear hehe

[ SZA ] – there’s been a lot of talk about [ KHAIR HARRIS ] recently. apparently [ SHE/HER ] are known to be [ JEALOUS ], which isn’t so bad since they can also be [ COMPASSIONATE ] – a saving grace. they’re a [ MUSICIAN ] and have [ 20M ] across multiple platforms. i wonder what their next scandal will be.  | lucia. she/her. gmt.

[saikokirakira]

Request for our moon bois

Their reaction to you always taking care of your apperance like long af nails, snatched makeup and killer outfits? 🤤🤤🤤

a/n: ooooh, first ask on the blog. i really appreciate it. 🥺🥺 ngl i'm on the ropes on this one. those reading, tell me you like it or i'll cry. 🥲🥲

i didn’t know if you meant Bakunawa!reader or just a general one, so i did the former. you can only notice the au references if you squint anyways, but feel free to shoot me another request. 😊😊

warnings: just fluff; mild sexual references (if you squint); steven being a cinnamon bun; marc being sassy and emotionally constipated; jake being a simp king

Steven Grant (would focus on the dress)

You were often invited to art galas and gallery unveilings due to your line of work.

That means you had to keep up with appearances, especially during black tie events.

Sometimes, if schedules between Marc and Jake allowed him, he would always be your plus one.

Yet you also had that small bit of joy dressing up outside of work just for its own sake.

Knowing his reaction to Layla’s armor during the Cairo incident, he would forget everything else and decide to fawn over you.

“Darling, you look absolutely beautiful. Your nails – they can poke an eye out – but they are a gorgeous accent to that clutch bag.”

Among the others, Steven had a better eye on style, and if he wasn’t so fidgety and often self-deprecating, he would fit in with the socialites without question.

“Isn’t it a little too much?”

You gave him a little twirl and posed for him, sticking out your leg to show off the high slit of your evening dress.

Steven shook his head, a little too aggressively that sent his curls flying.

“No! It’s perfect. A little too perfect,” he muttered that last part.

Oh? You smiled slyly and slowly made your way to him.

Steven’s cheeks warmed at your movements, so graceful that he thought you were gliding across the wooden floor of his flat in those heels and flowy dress.

 Steven couldn’t gasp out the allurement you had on him when you pressed your palm to his cheek.

The tips of your long nails tickled the start of his hairline, and he inwardly groaned at the thought of you running your fingers through his curls and scratching at his scalp.

You were about to lean in when Steven painfully pulled away.

“Come on, darling. We’re gonna be late. Let me grab my jacket, and I’ll be good to go.”

A serpentine hiss escaped from your deep red lips, something Steven thankfully missed.

“I’ve been thinking of skipping. Let’s just have a night in.”

Steven looked at you with that wide-eyed lost puppy look.

“Don’t be silly, darling. I can’t wait for them to mistake you as the painting with how gorgeous you look.”

It was only until the elevator ride down did Marc and Jake yelled at him from the reflections over how he completely missed your invitation to stay in.

Marc Spector (would focus on the nails)

Would be very snarky about them at the beginning.

“How can you even hold a paintbrush with those? Much less your tenegre swords?”

In between missions, you may have to replace your nails, quite often, but with you kept them as long as you could…

… and sometimes even enough to inflict serious damage.

Bakunawa is a very proud deity, sometimes rivaling Khonshu if you would ignore the self-righteousness.

His prideful serpent-like behavior rubbed off on you by killer outfits and makeup that often resemble the scales that grew a place in your heart over the past months.

Maybe the outfits and makeup you saved on special occasions, but the nails were a constant.

Marc would never admit it, but he loves it when your nails change very often.

It reminds him how beautiful you are but can also be lethally dangerous.

The first time he found out about your frequent trips was when he went on a frenzy looking all over for you in London.

You mentioned you would be at the art studio that day, but the old man there said it was your day off.

Why would you lie?

Did Harrow’s crazy disciples find you again? What if it was someone from your village who managed to track you down?

But no.

You were chatting and giggling with a nail aesthetician who you were talking with in your native tongue at a high-end salon in downtown London.

You specifically turned to her because she was the Crawley to your Steven, and not many people in London would notice your incessant babbling over your three boyfriends… and your girlfriend who is always away on business trips.

Marc wanted to be mad, but he could settle being annoyed for now.

He knew why you lied. It was now his chance to be honest about it.

About how you actually looked hot with those nails.

How he was happy for you that you had some semblance of self-care after you go on missions with him and Khonshu.

Maybe he’ll tell you those words later.

Or maybe not.

“Was that your boyfriend just now?”

You smiled and continued to glance at him walking away and back down the street from the mirror.

“Yep. He’s just being a worry-tart. Always.”

“What design are we going for this week?”

“Something white and gold. Maybe a lunar design.”

Jake Lockley (would notice your makeup)

Jake is obsessed with your body, especially your face.

He could stare at your eyes for forever if he could.

One of his favorite moments are mornings after you stay the night.

He would just watch you from across the bed doing your makeup while holding a handheld mirror.

Jake offered once to hold the mirror for you.

You ended up being late for a meeting with your client because he became a little too distracting with all his eye-fucking staring.

He knows you love glitter and how you never skip on putting shimmers.

And he knows you know that he absolutely loves when you go out with the body glitters and chunky glitters.

Jake loves when your scales from Bakunawa’s iridescent armor emerge and shimmer into an array of colours under the lights.

Something about the power and confidence it holds.

It makes him want to worship you more than he already does.

So when you try to replicate that look during fancy galas, it would take all of his self-control to keep his hands on the wheel when he drives you both to the venue.

However, when the event is over, it’s all fair game.

You would be his own personal art show.

Because that is what you are to Jake.

Something to be revered, a feast for the eyes, art.

Often times, Jake wouldn’t even do anything but just hold you – skin-on-skin contact.

As the protector alter, Jake was often stern and always on alert.

But with you in his arms, all the tension in his body leaves by staring at something so beautiful as you.

[msblazer]

“My Light” Khonshu x GN!God!Reader

It’s 2am and I have a summer exam in the morning but fuck it I guess 😍

01-06-22

2k words

COPIED AND PASTED FROM MY MOON KNIGHT ONE SHOT BOOK

wattpad: @Ms_Blazer

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“Damn he can hit me like that- WHAT. WHO SAID THAT?! BARK BARK BARK- SORRY THATS MY MOUSE DEFO NOT ME” -Author

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Khonshu x GN!God!Reader

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After you were banished a thousand years ago you were finally freed from your stone prison to reunite with and save a particular god

Warnings:

-violence

-ep 6 spoilers

Extra:

-I know that Re (Ra) was a male sun god but I decided to change it for the story. Sorry if I offend anybody if I get anything about the Egyptian gods wrong

-Not Proofread

——————

"Marc don't let the worm out. I'm in no mood to hear either you or that idiot..." Khonshu groaned as he watched Marc ignore him and continue talking.

At this point Khonshu had a headache. "Hey can you let Steven out for a few minutes? I need to ask him about this Egyptian relic I was reading about" Layla asked.

She watched as Marc's eyes rolled to the back of his head and back to normal. "Steven here! What do you need help with?" He proceeded to help Layla out. Khonshu slowly walked towards a mirror.

"Khonshu. What do you want now?" Marc asked through the mirror. "I'm simply just observing." He stated. "Observing what? My wife?" Marc snarled. Khonshu turned to look at Layla and Steven and looked back at Marc.

"You should be more concerned about the worm with your wife, not me. I don't have any interest with your love life." Khonshu snapped back.

Marc stared at Khonshu. "Have you ever loved anyone?" He asked. Khonshu turned to look at him. "Why ask such a question?" Marc shrugged. "I was just curious."

Khonshu turned his back to the mirror and let out a sigh. Silence followed. "So? Have you?" Marc asked for a second time. The god turned around again to look at him.

"That is truly none of your business Marc, but if you must know. Yes, I have. A long time ago." Marc was intrigued.

"Wanna describe them at all?" Marc pushed. At this point Steven and Layla were eavesdropping. They were all curious on who this past lover was.

Khonshu was silent for a few moments. "They were a graceful god, power like no other, bright eyes. We were opposites in our powers. The other gods disapproved of our friendship." Khonshu replied with a sigh.

Steven quietly spoke up. "Do you know where they are now?" Khonshu shook his head. "Either dead or turned to stone. I don't know. The possibility of them being banished is high. That being partly my fault." He whispered the last part of what he said.

"He said that the two were 'opposites'? What does he mean by that?" Layla asked Steven. "I, am the god of the moon and stars. They were the god of the sun."

"You knew the sun god (Name)?' Steven asked surprised and intrigued. Khonshu nodded. "They understood me better than anybody else." A silence fell over the group. "That's all I'm going to say. You don't need to know my personal existence." Khonshu grunted and left in a swish of dust.

-Time Skip-

Ammit has been freed. People are running and screaming, full of panic. Layla was still inside of the temple and turned a corner and ran into the room of small stone statues.

She scanned across the small statues. She remembered how Steven was saying that one of the strongest gods was the god of the sun.

She was unsure if the God was even here since she remembered Khonshu's words after Marc told her. "Either dead or turned to stone. I don't know. The possibility of them being banished is high." "If they were banished they must be here as a stone statue." Layla thought out loud.

She couldn't find the statue anywhere until she felt the ground under her shake viciously. She tumbled into a small brick in the wall which was pushed inward.

She looked into the middle of the room to see a small platform rising from the ground with a small statue sat on top. She rushed towards it and picked it up. She found it. Found you.

She gripped onto your statue. "Please help us, Khonshu needs your help." She lifted her arm and threw down the stone statue.

A bright light shined through the temple. Layla covered her eyes to shield out the light.

As she reopened them a tall, beautiful god stood proud and tall in front of her. You stood with a staff in your hand. Similar to Khonshu's but instead of a crescent moon but a sun shape with sharp bladed rays.

"You, you set me free. Thank you. I heard your plea. I am willing to help but I cannot do it alone." You stated quietly. Layla knew exactly what you were talking about. She thought about the chaos outside, she thought of Marc and Steven.

"I will be your temporary avatar." She stated. You nodded. Layla was confused. "Are you not going to give any conditions or anything?" She asked. You shook your head.

"I am here to save lives, not destroy them...and I'm here to save a mourning and guilty soul." You extended your hand towards Layla. She took your hand. Another bright light shone within the temple.

Layla had run off to save Marc and Steven who were fighting Harrow. You walked outside of the temple as you saw the chaos going on outside. You looked around then caught sight of a giant Ammit dragging Khonshu on the ground. He didn't seem like he could get up.

"I don't give them the satisfaction of commiting the sin. You punish souls too late, Khonshu..." Ammit growled.

"Then I guess I'll finish the job of punishing you." You replied as Ammit turned around only to be knocked several kilometres into the distance by a large staff. A large thud could be heard as she tumbled to the ground.

She growled in frustration. Khonshu, who was still regaining focus looked up at his saviour. You were now the same height as the other two gods. Khonshu didn't believe what he was seeing. We're you even real?

Ammit ran towards you with her claws out with her sharp teeth bared and ready to bite down onto you. You quickly blocked the attack and swung her down from under her feet.

"Fight me with fists you coward!" She growled. You chuckled as you stuck your staff into the ground as Ammit stood tall once again. A small silence stood between you two.

"(Name)?" You heard Khonshu call from behind you. You turned your head to him. "Hey Khonshu. Good to see you." Your voice was soft and caring. "Don't worry I've got this" and in one swift motion you blocked the fist that was about to make contact with your face.

You turned to meet Ammit's eyes. "I thought you may have changed Ammit, but of course you being who you are, I knew deep down nothing could help you. Sorry it has to be this way." You said. Your grip suddenly tightened on Ammit's hand as a large crushing noise could be heard.

A bright light was shining from your hand as Ammit yelled in pain as the sunlight burned away her scaly flesh. You're eyes shown bright yellow and you grabbed onto her upper arm and quickly moved behind her while twisting her arm.

She yelled louder. Suddenly you saw a light from the temple. You knew it was Layla as she told you her plan before leaving off to help the other man. You looked at Ammit straight in the eyes.

"Rest well." You whispered as she was sucked away back into the temple only leaving a dusty mist within your grasp. You looked over to see Khonshu standing up and staring at you.

You both shrunk back to your normal size. He started to walk towards you. "(Name)...I...I'm so sor-" before he could even finish you ran towards him and wrapped your arms around him.

Khonshu froze. He wasn't delusional. You were here. He could hold you. You felt his arms slowly wrap around you as if you were an antique and fragile object that was on the verge of breaking.

The two of you stood in each other's embrace until you pulled away. You took in a deep breath. “We should go check on those two, or three." You giggled. "Or four." Khonshu chuckled. You looked at him in disapproval and shook your head while smiling.

You finally had your best friend back. As the two of you started making your way towards the temple you thought to yourself.

'I'm back in the real world one thousand years after being in-caged in stone and Khonshu is right beside me. He's my best friend. I still can't like him after all this time-" you were in a silent denial.

You two entered the temple to see Harrow on the slabbed stable. You zoned out while Marc spoke with Khonshu. You felt a tap on your arm. You looked down and saw Layla. You nodded.

"Thank you for your service as my avatar, Layla." You said as your eyes shined in approval. You felt your power return to you.

"If you want him dead do it yourself we had a deal!" You heard Marc yell at Khonshu who nodded and held up his end of the deal. You slightly rolled your eyes knowing damn well this wasn't the end.

Marc and Layla left the temple while leaving Harrow on the broken table.

You and Khonshu eventually left as well.

-Time Skip-

Since you no longer had an avatar you decided to stay with Marc, Steve and Layla. They didn't mind which was surprising. Since Layla could still see you, the two of you actually became close.

Today you were in the back of a car with Khonshu who was in a suit. You kept trying to get glances of the god without him noticing. While on the other hand, Khonshu was slightly flustered but of course without showing any emotion. He decided to take a risk.

"Do you like what you see?" He said quite smugly and calmly while on the inside he slightly panicked. You looked straight at him. "Bold of you to assume such a thing Khonshu" you giggled. He turned away trying to look in the direction of the window, only for his beak to hit against the glass.

You laughed. "You still have that gorgeous laugh." Khonshu whispered. You froze in shock. You began to stutter. Before you could give an answer, Khonshu sat in the seat next to you. "Listen there's something you must know." He started. You stared at his gloved hand which slowly grasped onto your thigh.

Khonshu has no idea what has come over him but the sudden urge to be near you flushed through him. You shushed him. "Let me say it first." You pleaded. He nodded. You're faces were close together.

"Khonshu, I missed you so much over the past one thousand years but I must confess, even through the years being trapped in stone I was still in love with you. I understand you may only see me as a friend but I needed you to know." You sighed.

Khonshu's free hand made it's way up to cup your face. He leaned towards your ear. "I feel the same way (Name)..." He whispered into your ear. Suddenly the car door flung open and Harrow was thrown inside.

The two of you quickly pulled away from each other. Harrow held his head and looked up to see you two. He chucked. "I see you got your partner back Khonshu..." "Silence you bug. We are not here for a long conversation. We're here to get rid of that demon within you." Khonshu growled.

You saw the window from the driver's seat slide down. "Meet Jake Lockley. My new avatar." Jake lifted a gun towards Harrow.

"Goodbye Ammit" Khonshu growled as two shots were fired.

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Whoohoo! I'm finally finished writing this! I'm actually really proud of this one! Hope you enjoyed reading it! Thank you!

[fakeuwus]

okay im gonna do my best to convey how this fic absolutely destroyed me but also it being one of best pieces of work ive read on tumblr.com at the same time - seriously i did my best to not cry to save my lashes but rip to them

oh stella :( the writer that u are :(( we cant be friends is one of my favs from the album, ive watched the heartbreaking mv, ive had the unfortunate pleasure of watching the movie the mv is based off of (everyone pls pls watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind if u have the chance) so it would seem like id be prepared for what this fic was going to be like, but i swear nothing couldve prepared me for it 😭

the way its so beautifully written, full of descriptive words that can make u perfectly picture the scenes ur reading - for example - when jaeyun took a shallow breath and asked her to call him jaeyun and not jake, i could literally see his face twist w emotion and him admiring her admiring the teddy bear, thats exactly when he realized he was in love w her. the simple act of asking her to call him by his real name, something that can be very dear to people with two names (esp since irl jaeyun said that his mom calls him by his real name and he likes it a lot ((i see what u did there stella!)) it tugged on my heart strings in the best way possible. but unfortunately everything after this moment goes downhill :((

the whole time ur reading it its like, jaeyun :( why cant u just love her the way she loves u :( id like to think something happend in his past that restricted his heart and unfortunately the one who couldve mended it, he just couldnt give the chance to /:

the repeating of the lines how jaeyun and her are meant to intertwine, their the sun and moon, two souls bound to one another that are meant to be able to complete each other, but in the end they couldnt successfully intertwine. like can u hear my heart breaking???

and the ending. them not having any trace of each other even though theyve impacted each other's lives SO MUCH and they just dont remember?? theyll never remember?? the way they even cross paths but THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN REMEMBER IS LAYLA. my poor, sweet, innocent layla. their little cupid :(

they even got the endings they deserved, with her finding someone who wasnt afraid to love her wholeheartedly, and jaeyun finding someone he wasnt scared to open his heart to. sadly, they just couldnt have these endings with each other 😔

stella. stella. stella. thank u so much for gracing us w this fic. im happy u wanted to share it w us even tho u had ur tough times while writing it. its so so so amazing and i genuinely cant find the words to describe ur beautiful writing and show my love for it. ily 🫶🏼

sim jaeyun — brighter days inc.

— “you’ll wait for my love? “i waited for your love.”

pairing. fem!reader x sim jaeyun.

warnings. angst, my heaviest angst post yet tbh, fluff moments here & there, layla !!, lots of miscommunication, lots of crying and panicking moments, no happy ending :(

word count. 12.3k

synopsis. just how bad was the punishment of falling in love with sim jaeyun?

— a, note. i apologise in advance for this, i would like to point out that this was completely and fully inspired by the we can’t be friends music video along with the entire eternal sunshine album by ariana !! i only added minor details & scenes here and there but hope u enjoy ! <3 p.s !! this whole post is viewed better in dark mode !!

「 just wanna let this story die, and i’ll be alright. 」

The soft fabric of your shirt soothed your trembling fingers, gentle wind breezing past you once the bell of the door jingled ahead of you, indicating the arrival of another patient wretched with agony and their own pain.

Your vision danced between the walls, the countless photos that hung on the brick pillars claiming a guaranteed peace of mind with the eye catching and loud titles of “brighter days ahead!”, different posters inked with the participants’ positive reviews towards the operation that haunted the patients whom were anxiously sat next to you, some wiping their tears while others gazed hopelessly into the wooden floors, their legs shaking up and down the longer the nurse took to call their names.

You pulled your jacket closer to your chest, in hopes of it protecting you from the words printed onto the paper in front of you, you had read the sentences over a hundred times by now yet you still couldn’t bring yourself to fully accept them.

You have given extensive thought behind your decision and give “Brighter Days Inc.” the exclusive permission to remove this person completely from your memory:

— ☐ yes | ☐ no

Closing your eyes multiple times while chanting “please let me wake up” was deemed futile, you couldn’t bring yourself to face the reality of the situation you had put yourself in. Though you had your reasons, countless of them. You had every right to sit in the waiting room for this clinic, yet you still couldn’t gather up the courage to fully accept the weight of the truth.

The great weight of the truth that weighed heavily on your shoulders, you knew this was the correct decision. You knew you weren’t physically affecting anyone by doing this, you practically weren’t going to hurt after this, yet your actions still hurt the present you, the one who was able to sense a thin veil of tears forming along her waterline for the nth time since you stepped foot into this clinic.

And you were doing this to save her from the pain, from the heartbreak you had been suffering through. The harsh wood of the board felt hurtful against your skin, the piece of wood agonisingly heavy atop your fingertips, your hand placed the pen in your lap before it instinctively moved towards your neck, caressing the special pine cone necklace that adorned your chest.

The feeling of the pendant beneath your touch felt gut wrenching, your whole being freezing as the sudden sharp edges grazed your skin, the pendant that held so many great memories to you that you hoped would comfort you for the last time felt like the thorns of a rose splitting your fingertips.

It was the sudden sharp dig of the edge of the pine that reminded you of a precious memory, one of the most special days in your life when your two favourite people walked into it.

Your foot sunk deeply into the snow beneath you, the wind a cold breeze blowing against your blushed face, your nose a distinct red shade as you sniffed due to the cold weather, hands digging further into your warm pockets to allow the blood to rush back to your frozen fingertips.

The breath turned into a glowing mist ahead of your eyes as it tumbled past your lips, you smiled softly at the sound of your best friend announcing her departure to collect more wood for the fireplace the two of you had wanted to create, you turned your head to the side to locate her small figure slowly disappearing into the slight fog that started to form a few minutes before the two of you had arrived to the small forest.

You took notice of how heavy the snow was, the ground a vast white that glittered with the sunrays, the sudden urge to lay on the floor that appeared as faux clouds and cotton overcame your senses and before you could rethink your decisions, you were already surrounded by the comforting cold of the snow hugging your every limb and every inch of your body.

Memories of your childhood flashed through your eyes, the happy moments that were filled with laughter exchanged between you and your friend as the two of you made snow angels, joyful giggles flew in the air around you once you both stood up to compare the shapes to one another and chuckle at the ridiculous outcomes.

Before you could fully indulge yourself in the memory, you felt a foreign object pressing against your foot, your eyes shot downwards to the sight of a dark circular item— a pine cone?

Your heartbeat unexpectedly picked up its pace, was there someone around? You weren’t in an area that had pine trees around them, they were atleast a few miles away from you.

Loud rustling reached your ears from ahead, what sounded like a person quickly walking— in an abnormally fast way that made you prepare yourself for the appearance of any random person, your senses heightening at the possible danger awaiting, the shadow slowly appeared in front of the fog, a really short one that confused you.

Once the mist finally had dispersed, revealing the last outcome you had been expecting— an adorable puppy that jumped its way through the snow, you stared at the shimmering fur that had gotten covered with small bits of the sparkling snow, the puppy barked at you in excitement, their tail swaying behind them in the snow while their shining eyes studied your face.

Your hands held onto the pine cone, a smile stretching out on your face once you noticed that the puppy was waiting for you to return the item, sitting in front of you patiently in a well behaved manner, a clear indication of how attentive and careful their owner is.

“Is this yours, hm?” You questioned, voice playful and low in fear of possibly disturbing the overly excited puppy who only barked in delight at your question, and as your hand was reaching forward to return the beloved pine cone, you and the sweet puppy’s ears picked up the distressed yells a large distance away.

The puppy turned its body towards the direction it came from, breathing the cold air in before barking countless times as if to signal their location and on cue the rushed footsteps that dug into the snow approached your figures closer.

“There you are, Layla.” A young boy appeared from between the twinkling mist, his features sharp and eye catching the closer he walked towards both of you, a charming smile etching its way onto his chiseled face at the sight of his beloved dog, “I was getting worried, pretty girl.” He breathed out in relief before finally noticing your presence.

His back suddenly straightened, shoulders pulling back while his eyes widened before the prettiest pink you’ve ever seen dusted his ears and cheeks, “oh hi.” He breathed out shyly, he could feel his heartbeat drumming in his ears as the last thing he was expecting to find Layla next to was a gorgeous girl.

You couldn’t help the quickened thump of your own heart either, the appearance of this young guy that was clad in a large dark coat, black pants along with a matching hat that revealed small peaks of his dark brown hair had your mind reeling, he was undeniably handsome.

“hello.” You whispered back, instinctively holding the pine cone towards your chest as holding eye contact with the beautiful man only made your body buzz further with excitement and nervousness, the guy also losing his internal battle with the possibility of facing you as his eyes had only been following his dog’s moving tail in hopes of calming his own nerves down.

The said puppy’s gaze danced between her owner and the new friend, unfamiliar with her owner’s sudden shy side appearing in front of a potential friend making her suspicions arise, and the moment she was about to bark in the direction of her owner once again, the guy spoke out.

“Did she tackle you onto the floor?” He asked, tone laced with concern at the realisation of your position on the snow while you held the pine cone in your hand, “no!” You quickly denied once you lifted your head and saw his worried expression, thousands of apologies disappeared from his tongue at your words and he couldn’t help but breathe another sigh of relief, “I’m actually making… snow angels.” Your voice had dropped a few octaves towards the end.

Quieting your own words to hide them from the handsome guy that you prayed wouldn’t make fun of you for your childish behaviour from your first ever encounter, you were preparing yourself for the worst reaction to slap you across the face and for his laughter to reach your ears yet— “oh I love snow angels!” His excited voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

You turned to face him again, to see the genuine excitement and fondness lacing his face before patting the snow next to you, a warm smile gracing your features that made the unknown boy’s heart to leap in his chest, “come join me!”

The loud ring of the bell harshly pulled you out of the sweet memory into the reality you had been dreading, all of your senses returning to the present made a sinking feeling take over your heart, by the time you leave this place you won’t be able to remember this precious memory.

Your hand instinctively wrapped around the pine cone, in attempt to protect and shield it from the possibility of disappearing, the idea of one of the most precious days of your life dissipating from your memory lane made your shoulders sink further, the anxious feeling of pure unease settled deeply into your bones, and before you were able to prepare yourself further, you felt your throat closing up.

And as if your own body had turned its back towards you, your gaze had shifted beneath the cursed words to the bottom of the paper, where a clear and bold line awaited your pen to grace upon it.

signature: ________

Your vision then travelled towards the boxes, the finality of your decision settling into your limbs when your hand finally moved from your necklace to hold onto the pen again, and with a heavy heart along with a new veil of tears aligning your eyes, you finally allowed the first drop of ink to land on the paper.

☒ yes | ☐ no

The wind around you turned colder, it felt as if the breeze was scolding you for such decisions, the guilt by now had started to eat you up alive, tainting your brain and choking you up on your own unshed tears, you tried to breathe in deeply, attempting to calm your heaving chest down as with each passing second you felt your lungs constricting further.

“Miss, are you ready?” The nurse had suddenly appeared next to you, caring and worried eyes scanning your shaky figure on the seat, knuckles white around the wooden board that held your signature and confirmation for the procedure, your head lowered in shame of the sight of your tears being revealed, though all the hurt was evident in your body language.

“This way, miss.” She quickly guided you towards the office, your hand reached out to carry the box next to you, the cardboard that contained all of your memories that were stuffed into items, her hand reached out to hold the trembling board from your weak one while the other hovered around your lower back, bringing an odd sense of comfort for you as your feet walked you towards your own heartbreak.

The walls of the office appeared cold to the touch, the solid floor beneath you brought the aura of seriousness for you, almost as if awakening you from your hurtful thoughts to the reality of the situation, there was no turning back now. Then with each step that you took towards the chair, memories of this morning took over your mind.

Layla, your precious puppy sat ahead of your crouched figure in front of the bed, you sat atop the mattress that felt so unwelcoming, so foreign to you, as if you hadn’t slept multiple times between the same sheets with your love before.

Your puppy was cautious, big shining eyes studying every tear drop that ascended down the curve of your cheekbone, her own body slouching with each sob that wrecked through your body, “I’m sorry.” The yellow light from your bedside table casted a soft glow on both of your small figures, Layla reached towards you, one of her paws landing besides you on the bed as she lifted herself up while the other was placed gently against your leg.

“I can’t continue staying here, baby.” You explained to her, with each break in your voice her ears dropped lower, the sadness and confusion evident all over her adorable face, long gone was the look of excitement and pure love that painted her face whenever she saw you, as if she was able to understand your words she pushed her fluffy body towards you more.

“I can’t be with you, or jaeyun anymore.” You whispered, sweaty and cold palms reached out towards her small face, her golden fur comforting you as it brushed against your skin, you allowed her loving presence to curtain over the overwhelming sense of fright that your stomach was unable to digest, her familiar scent coating your senses bringing a feeling of ease into your panicked state.

“I love you so much.” You whispered to your little cupid, the one who had brought you together with your first true love. The one who had unknowingly brought so much happiness and joy to your dull life with her and her father’s presence.

“Are you ready, miss?” The doctor called out, dragging you out from the reality that only existed in your head now, a cloud of doom now hovered above your head as there was no space to return back to, this was it. That was your last time with Layla, ever.

The pill of the reminder suddenly seemed to large to swallow, the thought of an eternal separation from your beloved little cupid felt agonising to you, the tightening in your chest worsened, your fingers dug into your own palm to cause the tiniest bit of satisfaction when the pain travelled throughout your nerves, you deserved this.

You had known this was the correct decision a long time ago, this was the only way you had been able to save yourself but god how could you be so selfish at the same time? How could you leave two very important people behind you and live in eternal bliss? You heart began to thunder against your ribs, each thump begging you to return, to turn back on your footsteps and go back home.

To return to your love, to your small family, to endure the pain and the sting of the knowledge that jaeyun would never view you the way you had done.

To return to your angel, the one who sat by the door with her tail swaying behind her excitedly at the sight of the door opening, in hopes of a possible walk with her best friend, then her tail suddenly paused atop the wooden floor while her pointy and excited ears dropped, breaking your heart when you crouched down to kiss her head for the final time, in hopes of your feelings conveying to her through the loving contact, atleast for the last time.

You knew the love you held for him had to be dissipated. Though the pure, innocent adoration and devotion your heart carried for him didn’t deserve to be gone. Yet it wasn’t worth putting Jaeyun through possible pain and suffering.

If only you had known from the start that this was the consequence of your actions of inviting Jaeyun to create snow angels with you on that morning would lead you to the punishment of falling in love with Jaeyun, you would’ve never stepped foot into the snow that day.

The doctor held your hand gently, his eyes held nothing but sympathy and pity for you, your fingers pale and shaky in his hold as he placed the small device on your index finger, the pulse reader instantly showing your quickened heartbeat on the screen, “the procedure is going to be a quick and painless one…” the doctor’s words echoed throughout your eardrums, each word drifting off from one ear to the other as your vision was stuck on the numbers constantly picking up.

As if a chain had been tightened around your neck, your throat closed up further, you suppressed every sob that threatened to escape from you, your feet had gotten numb on the chair at some point while you shut your eyes with reassuring words replaying in your head in attempts to soothe yourself, yet each one was being repeated atop of an image of a smiling jaeyun behind your closed eyes.

The nurse behind you had brought the two iron pieces closer to your temples, each one glowing with a red light, indicating the disconnection while they approached your skin, and once both pieces were attached to you as if they were pieces of magnets, your heart only sunk further in your body.

The doctor exchanged incoherent words with the nurse that your ears weren’t able to comprehend, your senses only picking up the constant beeping of the monitor, each beat picked up its speed, symbolising how your heart was beating rapidly at the thought of your one and only love, at the thought of losing him entirely in less than a few minutes.

Your eyes then landed on the screen besides you, blue lights blinding your sight as you took in the multiple tabs open on the screen with “generating link” as the largest one, the percentage increased quickly, each number made your breath turn shorter as the gravity was finally settling in, the small sting that you felt on the sides of your head was incomparable to the ache of your heart, still filled with so much useless hope after all these months.

“Are you ready?” The doctor asked, a consoling smile etched onto his features, you nodded quickly, eager to get the procedure done with now before your weak heart convinced you to run outside of this clinic and into the arms of the man you fell in love with.

“Alright then.. we should be starting…” the doctor’s voice slowly disappeared, his words gradually faded away from you as your eyes remained shut while the machine forced you to a trip down your beloved memory lane, your memory path that was dedicated for sim jaeyun only.

The first memory you had shared with him after your first encounter played in front of your closed eyes, you remembered this one in a crystal clear way, the sight of you and Jaeyun walking hand in hand was imprinted onto the back of your eyelids, the familiar sight making your heart jump into your throat.

“I’m gonna win you the teddy bear!” Jaeyun shouted excitedly as he walked, his grip on your hand firm yet gentle while he made his way through the crowd in the carnival, rushing towards the claw machine quickly, bumping into random people every few seconds making you laugh at his enthusiasm, unaware of jaeyun’s heart thundering in his chest at the sound of your laughter.

“You really don’t have to, Jake.” You rushed besides him and the second the baby blue and pink lights of the machine landed on your smiling face he felt his breath hitching in his throat, your shining eyes presenting as windows to your excitement and pure joy you felt besides him made his heart leap in his chest, “but i want to.” he breathed out gently, mesmerised besides your distracted frame.

your eyes studied the glass window curiously, jaeyun was confused as to why he could tell exactly when your eyes landed on the teddy bear he mentioned, confused as to why he was able to study all of your expressions so well so soon, to why they mattered and intrigued him so much, surely the fleeing thought of cradling your face gently into his arms was an intrusive one, and totally not because of his own feelings and urge to do so, right?

his hands reached out to push his coin into the slot before reaching towards the small handle, his fingers buzzed with excitement and anxiety, the need to win this teddy bear for you chanting throughout his mind as he lowered the claw onto the fluffy toy, and once the iron claws wrapped around the bear, your hand sneaked its way between both of your figures to lace with his fingers, a soft squeeze of encouragement that made the boy’s heart thump needily.

“You got it, jake!” you beamed from besides him, you quickly held the fluffy toy in your arms, hugging the precious teddy close to you, the sight making jake’s world slow down its rotation, his heart jumping into his throat as he took in the sight of your happy expression, your sweet and thankful words falling onto his ear before they travelled out the other, he was hypnotised, your happiness casting a spell on him effortlessly.

“Jaeyun..” he suddenly breathed out, snapping back into reality with a soft, loving smiling permanently etching its way onto his face, “hmm?” You questioned, moving your sparkling eyes from the toy to his handsome face, his sweet grin made rose dust along your cheeks, he reached out to hold your hand before he spoke out again, “call me jaeyun.”

“Okay, jaeyun.” You chuckled affectionately at him, one hand intertwined with his slender fingers while the other held the teddy close to your heart, “what are you going to name it?” His eyes dropped back onto the teddy, quickly switching the topic as his heart felt like it was on the verge of exploding the longer he drowned in the ocean of your eyes.

“Jakey.” You smiled at the sight of his eyes widening, eyebrows lifting as he audibly laughed, the sound ringing like melodies in your ears. The view of him blushing and laughing under the stars becoming your favourite in that instant as everything else around you blurred and your sole focus was on him and only him.

“Let’s take you and Jakey to the ferris wheel then.” He joked before walking towards the said ride, fingers still laced with yours as he pulled your shy figure gently to follow him throughout the crowd.

And suddenly with a mere blink you were stuck in the middle of moving bodies, one hand unbearably cold while the other held onto a teddy, confusion laced your expression as the lights of the ferris wheel glowed ahead of you, why were you here in the first place?

Just like that, Jaeyun disappeared from a precious memory that belonged to you.

Your surroundings in front of the ferris wheel darkened, a small circle of light engulfing you before your dissociated out from the memory, you had your eyes closed shut, not daring to open them when all you could hear was the murmurs of the doctor and the nurse confirming the removal in the first memory.

All you could detect was the consistent sinking and pain aching in your heart, the dizziness in your head as you altered your memories and forcefully removed the only person who you ever truly loved in your life, the agony from the thought so great that it allowed new streaks of tears to decorate your skin.

And as you let out another shaky breath, you were pushed into another memory.

The harsh breeze of the wind grazed jaeyun’s skin while his teeth chattered slightly at the icy stabs along his arms, he quickly moved from the sidewalk to the empty road that accompanied the ray of sunlight courtesy to the shorter buildings next to it.

His shoulders relaxed at the warmth that travelled his system, his fingers didn’t feel like they were about to fall off anymore the longer he kept them pushed into his pockets under the sun, he relished in the vast difference between the cold breeze and the warm sunlight, a weird sense of soothe scurrying into his mind.

The comparison was awfully familiar, yet he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it reminded him of.

Nonetheless he continued walking, making the final turn that allowed the sight of his house to enter his line of vision, his insides buzzed with worry and excitement at seeing you again, your appearance always brought him solace especially when he walked into the view of you playing with Layla happily in the living room.

Yet whenever he remembered the position both of you were stuck in regarding your importance in his life, his mind got jumbled with negativity and worry again.

But he was determined that tonight was going to make a difference.

Especially with the apology he had spent days memorising, his finger brushed against the small box in his pocket that brought an unexpected but welcomed wave of positivity for him, it was the first time that he felt so confident in himself with something that involved both of you.

The slight graze of the velvet against his skin reminded him of the way your skin felt against his, the sunlight that glowed atop his honey skin beautifully reminded him of the warmth your love provided for him, oh how he adored you.

And there was jaeyun, finally walking towards his door with a pep in his step, his chest feeling ridiculously lighter while the blood rushed to his face at the thought of you in front of his eyes.

His shaky fingers wrapped around the handle before pushing the large piece of wood, layla instantly greeting him at the door with a welcoming woof of her own, making him smile widely.

“Hello my princess,” he spoke with a soft voice, kneeling down to pet her after closing the door behind him, all worrisome thoughts disappearing from his brain the second her soft fur nuzzled against his palms, he chuckled at all of her licks against his cheeks, turning his head as he giggled and unknowingly seeing your missing shoes on the floor.

Confusion wrapped around his head as a weird, unnerving emotion settled into his stomach, he quickly looked around the living room for any sight of you only to be left further confused since you hadn’t told him about leaving the house today.

“Is she not home?” He questioned layla, his glossy eyes returning to the puppy who visibly lost all of her enthusiasm, quieting down and only licking at his palm in hopes of bringing some sort of comfort to her owner the longer he desperately searched for any sign of you.

“It’s alright,” he walked towards the living room, a sudden wave of dizziness crawling its way to his conscious, he involuntarily closed his eyes at the unexpected pain while his feet quickly led him towards the couch with a worried layla trailing behind him, “she’ll come back.” He whispered, comforting himself while his hands reached to hold onto his head.

And before he could realise, he laid onto the soft fabric of his couch as a wave of sleep took over him while his consciousness drifted. Unbeknownst to him, that would’ve been the last time he would remember you.

「 i don’t wanna tip toe but i don’t wanna hide. 」

The doctor’s hands paced around his instruments panically, your soft sniffles ringing in both his and the nurse’s ears as their heart broke for the nth time that day at the sight of the memory on the screen of their computer, the memory that held an immense amount of pain as the only thing you could focus on in that moment was the view of jaeyun sitting down next to a random girl, his arm wrapped around her shoulders while she turned her head to the side to quickly peck his jaw.

“Is that not.. jake?” Your friend asked from besides you, her eyes widening at the sight of the guy who captured your heart huddled next to an unknown girl by a cafe’s window, the view inevitably catching your gaze too as your brain almost shut down at that moment.

“It is.” You whispered in confirmation, the cobbled stone beneath your feet glued you atop of it while your world slowed down, just like your first encounter— you felt everything around you slowly dissolve till your sole focus was on jaeyun with a random woman.

You friend thankfully picked up your irregular breathing, and she was sure if she had listened close enough she would’ve also been able to hear the sound of your heart shattering into countless pieces while your face was an open window to your emotions.

The feeling of your stomach sinking completely brought you back into reality, the situation was laughable really, just a few weeks ago he seemed too shy to even hold your hand yet here he was now with his arm around another woman.

He might’ve not been able to hold eye contact with you just a few weeks ago, but right now he was able to laugh at the top of his lungs at what looked like a joke the woman said.

“Let’s go.” Your friend sternly announced, holding your hand the second she noticed your eyes swelling up with tears and quickly pulled you to walk into a different alleyway while jaeyun slowly disappeared in the background, leaving the random woman to sit alone in your memory before you quickly tumbled into another one.

Your vision began to slowly clear, another memory opening up ahead of you as you felt yourself getting lost in your emotions regarding this whole procedure.

The aroma of the coffee was pungent in the living room, wafting through the air accompanied by the sweet scent of cinnamon, Layla’s sweet coos and quiet noises of approval and support kept you company and sane after witnessing the man your heart thrummed for wrapped up in the arms of another woman.

Due to the unending conflict and doubts eating away at your mind, resulting in a very upset you and a worried Layla to walk around the house to distract yourself, and the perfect distraction did you find when your feet dragged you into the kitchen.

“I guess it’s just me and you.” Expressing yourself to Layla had always been something that came very easily to you, she was your closest friend at the moment after all. Always by your side to comfort you whether it was by cuddling you with your tears landing like rain drops on her soft fur till you fell asleep or by urging you to play with her and get your mind off her dad.

And right as you were about to move the few pastries from the tray onto the plate on the counter, you and Layla’s ears picked up the familiar and dreadful sound of the door being opened, announcing Jake’s arrival with the loud creak of the wood once he pushed it forward.

As expected, the air that carried the dizzying scent of your pastry was suddenly filled with tension. As if each golden particle of the sweets that travelled through the air while carrying your love transformed into a harsh droplet of ice, the atmosphere further thickening uncomfortably when the boy walked inside of the kitchen to the sight of you in front of the counter with your puppy nuzzling to your leg.

“That smells amazing..” he muttered, feeling shy and small when faced with your stiff back, and he knew he deserved the treatment that you had for him, he knew that you had seen him with someone else. Yet he didn’t have the heart to even think about bringing up that conversation, deciding by his own that stuffing the confrontation into a small box and pushing it far away to a corner in his mind was for the best now.

“Thank you.” Your response was curt, almost monotone with the way you tried your best to not have whatever conversation between you two last longer, his presence alone was suffocating enough for you, you didn’t have the heart to face him.

And jaeyun of course noticed all of this, he noticed the way your back was still faced towards him. A clear and painfully obvious contrast from the way you used to greet him with a loving hug and sometimes even a sweet, shy kiss to his cheek if you were really in the mood for it. The memories of those adoring welcomes will always eat away at his conscience, a constant reminder of what he lost.

But was jaeyun going to ask you to talk with him so both of you could finally address the invisible tornado of unspoken emotions in the room? Of course no.

“I was wondering if you…” he trailed off, voice quiet and almost hesitant in approaching you, and his doubts began to gnaw at his heart when your shoulders tensed further, his anxiety made his tone even more jittery when he continued “want to spend some time with me..?” The final syllable was a mere whisper.

Jaeyun felt the distance between you both panicking, he’s never felt you so far away and unreachable for him even though he knew the reason but his fear of rejection and possible failure was overpowering his logical idea of actually hearing your side and confessing his own thoughts, deciding alone for both of you that the best approach to this situation was not acknowledging it in the first place.

“It snowed yesterday, you know.” He pushed his coldly sweaty hands into the pocket of his sweatpants, he could unwillingly hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, his frame was apprehensive as he kept switching his weight from one foot to another while awaiting for your answer, fearful from you declining his offer before he even finished off, “so.. wanna make snow angels?”

He let himself loose, letting go from all of his previous uncertainty and revealing a sweet smile when you finally turned around to face him, a ghost of a grin on your features that never failed to set his chest on fire and make his mind reel, a simple “okay.” had jaeyun was over the moon.

Even if Jaeyun was undeserving of your acceptance to his offer, even if this whole action will have a returning moment that will bite you both deeply but in that specific second the need to be wrapped in each other’s warmth surpassed any other feeling you both could have thought of.

And after minutes of being avoidant, hours of steering away from the unavowed storm of words that needed to be exchanged between your two souls to hopefully ignite some sort of hope for your love, after a day full of your eternal bliss in ignorance where you two played into the parts of loving partners that you had formed in your head that was far, way too far from your reality.

You found yourself tangled beneath the satin sheets, clad in your love’s shirt while he laid on his side to face you, every element surrounding you in this current atmosphere was a very clear display of love, of intimacy and devotion that circled the two of you.

With every intrusive thought of just how many times he’s been in this exact position with another woman that you pushed into the back of your head, your grip on his fingers tightened, it was almost driving you insane. The uncertainty and insecurity in your placement in his life was so evident for jaeyun in your actions, and it made his heart ache.

Further proving that he’s not the one for you, because of his undying need to comfort you and whisper his love for you in your ears to wash away all the bad voices in your head that were pushing you to believe that you were the complete opposite of what he saw.

Someone who deserved the utmost love the entire universe could be able to forge and give.

And out of nowhere, the forbidden three words craved their way onto his tongue, jaeyun’s heart leaped into his throat with the suddenly controlling urge to declare his love for you, his love that bursted inside of every vein of his and made his heart thunder between his ribs.

“I..” he unconsciously started, his tone a mere whisper that made your eyes widen, your fingers froze around him making him realise his own words, breath knocked out from his lungs at his own voice that was wavering. So full of emotion, carrying each and every ounce of combined fear and love that he held for you, there was no going back now, he thought.

“I lov—“ and his words were lost in the air, jaeyun was abruptly pulled away once again, vanishing from the other side of the bed and leaving no trace behind him, you sat up in shock at his unexpected disappearance, your chest rising and falling rapidly when he evanesced wholly.

The confusion only settled in a few moments later, why were you sitting on bed and searching for someone? And what was with the sinking and dreadful feeling in your stomach?

Before you could dwell in your turmoil further, a different scene of your memories started to play ahead, it was the day after.

「 and no matter how easy things could be if i did. 」

The scent of the blooming flowers of spring around the cafe distracted you from your friend’s disappointed gaze, her movements with the spoon that mixed the coffee with the cream halted before she cleared her throat, successfully garnering your attention and allowing you to see her dissatisfaction with your situation in only her eyes.

“How muc—“ “listen.” You cut her off, aware of the way that she was about to give you advice for the umpteenth time, to convince and coax you to leave, you felt used to it at this point. Her meaningful words failed to penetrate the wall you had built around yourself regarding anything that was related to jaeyun.

Her hope diminished further when she saw your tired eyes still overflowing with love, the neglect and exhaustion evident in your features, the lack of attention and reciprocation of love from jaeyun was crystal clear to your friend, she absolutely hated seeing you like this.

But she knew that Jaeyun had you wrapped around his finger, your heart drummed for him in a symphony created for only him. She knew that if your love was an ocean then you had drowned a long time ago.

The similarities between you two was almost frustrating for her, as if you both were created from the same soul blown into two different bodies, the love you held for each other heavy, intense and impactful yet you both cowered when faced with the mere possibilities of confession and rejection, far too afraid to lose one another and unaware of the fact that you both were slipping from between the other’s fingers.

“I know.” You whispered, voice barely audible beneath the chatter of everyone around you in the cafe, your heavy lidded eyes stayed on the cheesecake your friend convinced you to order as you felt no appetite, your stomach finding more comfort with the feeling of ache and longing than anything else.

“But I can’t do anything.” Your words broke towards the end, lowering your head in desperate attempt to hide away your glossy eyes from your friend that felt her heart shatter at your frail and weak frame, “I can’t force myself to not love him.” And before you broke down further, your friend’s arms wrapped around you and pulled you into her comfort.

And the feeling of her love and whispers calming you down and engulfing you settled a short moment of peace into your chest before your sight shifted into another memory.

The reminder of why you were here in the first place rang in your head when you finally entered the most dreaded one.

You didn’t want all of your happy memories to fill your being with sorrow, you didn’t want to grieve over a person who you saw everyday, he lived his life before your very own eyes, his every breath that called out to another girl, confessed his love to another woman whom you wished and hoped would become you one day matched with your every breath that called out to him.

Every day and every night your lips refused to not hold hope for his response, till the syllables of his own name tasted foreign on your tongue. they tasted bitter to you, not the familiar sweetness you felt when you had called out to him in the first few months of his delightful presence in your life.

The lightness you felt in you had turned into the constriction of your chest on you, the heavy weight atop your ribs felt as if they were pushing against your heart, punishing it for being so reckless and careless to fall in love with the only man you weren’t meant to be with.

Now each beat of your heart that you were convinced thundered for him, felt like hell breaking loose in between your veins, the burst of ecstasy and excitement had all dulled down to aches of anguish and despair.

And before you knew it, the rush of joy that ascended throughout your body had transformed to absolute misery.

Here you were again, in another painful memory. The mattress sank softly at your weight when you gathered the courage to face your love and your fear, though you weren’t quite sure when those two interlinked.

You knew love was never supposed to be fearful, the unblemished love your heart had held for the boy who had his back turned towards you on the bed was not supposed to frighten your mind with dread of the outcome of tonight.

Jaeyun was on the other side of the bed, huddled beneath the blanket as if using the fabric to protect himself from his surroundings, hiding away from the reality and the truth that awaited him with impatience, “jake..” you whispered, voice low as you tested the waters and longed for any sort of reaction from him.

Yet he remained stoic atop the sheets.

From your perspective, jaeyun appeared so close yet so far away and out of your reach, as the days passed by he pulled further from your grasp, backing away from the same hold that once brought comfort to his distraught conscience, as if the graze of your fingertips burned him.

And before you were able to realise it jaeyun was too far away, standing a large distance far from the circle that contained your warmth, where you stayed. Both of your beings were suddenly standing in a parallel line with no signs of interlacing in a messy circle once again.

You weren’t exactly sure when both of your hearts had gotten intertwined so awfully to one another, a tangled web forming between your ribs. Yet it seemed that whatever force connected the two appeared defenceless and weak when faced against the same force that was rapidly pushing your bodies and minds away from each other.

It appeared like the love that poured in every web and vein wasn’t enough to pull your soul against his own.

“We should talk.. we need to.” you breathed out, tone heavy as if you knew he was going to be quick to shut you out once again, but you weren’t sure if you were going to walk away for a safe amount of time before returning to him again this time.

Just how many times have you lived through this exact scenario? And how many times were you willing to do so?

“There’s nothing to talk about.” he replied through gritted teeth, closing his eyes once he felt the familiar burn around his iris, and there it was. the same answer you had memorised yet so desperately tried to forget, it left a bittersweet feeling to your moment, you were expecting it and the melancholy of hearing it again settled into your emotions.

Instinctively, you turned your head towards him. Your eyes tracing every tense muscle beneath his shirt, the rigidness of his shoulders as he appeared uncomfortable in his own room and god was the thought a punch to your gut when the possibility of your presence making him uneasy crawled its way into your brain.

And the guilt returned to your system immediately, “i’m sorry.” you spoke, words dragged from your strained and tightened throat as you desperately wanted to sprint into the bathroom before a sob fell from your lips. You felt pathetic, really. His coldness and curt replies never affected you as much as this one, maybe it was because you knew this was going to be your last attempt.

With your eyes unfocused on your surroundings, your feet pushed the door of the bathroom behind you before you leaned onto the wall for strength. And unbeknownst to you, jaeyun finally let out a shaky breath fall from between his bruised and bitten lips, allowing all the tears to spill past his skin, the same skin you so lovingly kissed just a few months ago, and now the mere thought of your lips against him was shredding his own emotions apart.

Jaeyun knew that with every harsh word he spoke, he was also single-handedly ripping apart every web between your hearts.

The pale blue moonlight illuminated the room, landing directly on the empty spot in the middle of the bed, as if asking for one of your tense bodies to move towards one another, yet both of you remained with your backs against eachother. Jaeyun was slowly counting the seconds, he knew the exact amount of minutes it took you to fall asleep by now as he had repeated the same routine every night, except this time your breathing was taking longer to deepen than it was supposed to.

That was until he heard a quiet sniffle ring in his ears.

He froze atop the cold sheets, the sound echoing in his mind as if it was tormenting him, the blame and guilt instantly rooting themselves deep in his stomach and extending their branches far in his body, planting themselves fully in his lungs till the point he couldn’t breathe, his breaths turning shallow the more sniffles and quiet cries of heartbreak reached his ears.

The sweat around his palms turned icy, his own body betraying him as he remained paralysed beneath the blanket, his heart screamed at him to go, to move for good for once, fingers itching to turn around and wrap your shaky figure in his hold, to protect you from the demons that were tormenting you both endlessly, yet he couldn’t move.

The louder his heart drummed in his chest to move, the sterner his mind reminded him of how much he deserved this, after all those months of neglect who did he think he was to suddenly switch and turn back towards you? After all those steps he took away from you, how dare he even think of walking back on the same footsteps?

And so he stayed. His body stoic in fear of moving an inch.

He breathed out his first deep breath when he realised that you stopped, when you finally fell asleep and he was able to move and breathe again. Jaeyun wasted no time in getting up from his side of the bed, his feet felt cold against the floor, each step he took towards your side felt heavy on his heart, countless pangs of guilt arrowing themselves directly across his chest at the sight of your sleeping frame hugging the blanket close to you.

The closer the walked towards you, the more he felt the torturous sting in his eyes, he gulped the moment his rigid frame made contact with your blanket, sitting down right next to your small frame. And as he took in the features of your face that he so dearly loved he felt his soul hurting further.

He noticed all the glimmering streaks of tears that aligned your skin, your wet eyelashes that carried and held onto smaller droplets of your pain, the soft redness tainting the tip of your nose matching your cheeks, the longer he stared at you the worse his hands ached to hold you against him.

The comfort of your aura around him had stayed the same, your mere existence around him felt tenderly welcoming to him. The presence that felt like the manifestation of a hug from the whole universe, the warmth that was carefully picked from every star in the galaxy was all provided to him by the heavens in the form of you.

Yet his presence had changed. It had matched yours in the beginning, the presence that was a combination of all galactic bodies, the mere light of his aura challenged the light of the sun and all the stars combined, a glow so bright that rivalled the brilliance of every heavenly titan, he was otherworldly. he was your sunshine.

And now the warmth of the sun had dulled, dissolved into the shell of what he used to be, you thought that maybe each light had its own darkness since even the moon had its own dark side that it was ashamed of turning to show.

His fingertips landed against your soft skin, the disappearance of the coldness from his body the moment it made contact with yours made him melt in front of your sleeping form, and he allowed himself for once to sob all of his pain out.

“I’m sorry..” he whispered, voice breaking as he attempted to convey his emotions once they intensified by the seconds, his misery streaming down his face, “I’m so sorry..” he repeated, the heaviness in his heart worsening at the sight of his tears dripping down onto your blanket, his pain surrounding you once again.

“I wish—“ he gasped for breath, his insides shattering apart the longer he spent next to your frame, “I wish you hated me, so much.” He finally breathed out, his heart stinging with each word, sight blurring further as more tears fell past his cheeks.

“You don’t deserve me, my love.” Jaeyun smiled sadly at your sleeping form, the thought of you receiving the same kind and brave love that you felt for him brought a short-lived happiness to him, he knew he was incapable of reciprocating the adoration that filled you whole because of him.

Jaeyun was scared the second he realised that you had handed your heart over to his hands, he knew his bravery wouldn’t hold enough power to clench his fingertips around your fragile heart, resulting in the delicate and weak item to slip out of his fingers and shatter like countless pieces of glass on the floor.

How he wished he had the courage to love you the same way you loved him, to adore you the same way you adored him, to run back into your warm circle and keep you hidden and protected in his embrace till the end of times, yet he was incapable. His fears and doubts eating away at all the potentials that existed in your heart.

“But I don’t want you to not love me either.” He cried quietly, the thought of you receiving the same love you deserved from someone else destroyed him completely, the visualisation of you smiling the same way you do with him to another man had his hands springing upwards from your skin to grip onto his hair, paining himself in hopes of the torturous image dissipating from his mind.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated once again, his eyes stinging at the continuous hurt his body had bottled up and just got the courage to spill, Jaeyun knew he wasn’t brave enough to show and confess his love to you the way you had done for him, and that fact tugged further on his heartstrings.

The rational part of him hoped aimlessly for a day to arrive where you would realise your worth, realise that jaeyun was still being eaten alive with his fear and doubts and guilt all at the same time, his love for you was overflowing yet he hid each and every bit of it so well.

He knew you deserved better, his rational part always tormenting him with his unworthiness and pushing him further away from you, yet his heart— god his heart couldn’t possibly handle the simple thought of you being away from him.

It was his weak side that still clutched you against him so tightly, the side that was fully and wholly controlled by his emotions that were feral for you, the part of him that desperately ignored all warnings and reminders of his logical side.

Deep down, you knew you and jaeyun were never meant to be. The difference between you and him was vast, similar to the difference of the sand and the ocean, the land and the sky, the moon and the sun. Both parts completing each other while repelling one another at the same time.

You two were never meant to intertwine in the first place.

And even if Jaeyun was finally ready to push every pearl and grain of sand into the ocean, to make the sky fall atop the land and to alter the moon and the sun’s planes’ into a permanent eclipse, it was way too late.

For by the time he wakes up, he won’t even be able to remember you.

The metal pieces on your temples glowed green, indicating another opening for a memory for you, a few days after your despair with jaeyun, where he finally collected all the dispersed courage from his head and went out of his way to make it up to you, inevitably wrapping you both further into his unhealthy cycle of messing up and redeeming himself.

Disregarding the fact that both of your hearts can only take so much. After so much heartbreak and neglect to the core of your soul that only held passion and love towards him, it was bound to give up on trying one day. But you were still loving him. And jaeyun ignored all the voices in his head when they began to claim that your unreciprocated love can’t last that long. Because Jaeyun believed in you.

And maybe it was blinded belief, blurred with his own hope that contained to bloom in his chest, his hope to fix and repair himself as soon as possible so he can present himself to you wholly, even if his time was running thin, even if he didn’t believe in himself, he still found comfort in the small amount of optimism that maybe he can bring the version of him that you adored in your to life.

You both knew that you fell in love with a side of him that he was too afraid to share, too doubtful to uncover and give himself and his most vulnerable parts to, and he knew that he had imprinted himself onto your mind, tattooed his presence onto your heart and he could say that the same implied to himself, it was only a matter of time.

But Jaeyun didn’t know that the longer he was taking to mend himself, he was breaking you further. Just how much longer were you supposed to wait for him to walk back and finally engulf you in his arms again? How much longer was he expecting you to wait while he cured himself? How much longer were you supposed to wait for his love? Unmindful of the way that you, yourself needed to heal as well.

Yet here you were, hand laced with jaeyun’s as he pulled you towards the dining room in the house, his excited giggles rang throughout the walls before the sound got trapped in your head and repeated continuously, your legs moved you in front of the table where a small chocolate cake was placed with three candles atop the icing.

“I made t—“ he started off before he felt your puppy’s fur graze his leg and cut his words, “me and layla made this for you.” He corrected himself, you were still facing the glowing cake with your oh so gentle gaze that never failed to make jaeyun sigh lovingly besides you, “happy birthday, my love.” He whispered, each word knitted with his undying devotion for you, and you felt it. Which made you love him further.

“Thank you, Jaeyun.” You replied, the room suddenly blurred from around you as your only focus was back to him again, to jaeyun’s charming smile and twinkling eyes when you finally faced him, the soft golden burn from the candles made him glow beautifully for you, with his closeness to your body and his fingers still intertwined with yours, you felt yourself falling in love with him all over again.

And jaeyun felt the same, your grateful grin as all of your features softened when your gaze met his made his heart melt into a puddle in his chest, the familiar electricity buzzed between both of your frames, the small glimmer of hope became a fired storm that lit and roared more when the two of you only seemed to get further lost in each other’s presence.

With jaeyun’s face inches away from yours, his arms reached to wrap around your waist, swiftly lifting and placing you on the wooden table next to the cake, the surprised gasp that fell past your lips made him chuckle, his hands then lowered to rest on your thighs, “make a wish, sweetheart.” He spoke, you could feel each flutter of his eyelashes against your skin as he held you close to him.

His slow breath that brushed against your collarbones when he pressed his forehead against yours, both of you closing your eyes to drown completely in this moment, dedicating your mind, body and heart in the close and comfortable warmth of one another that your souls craved for so deeply and desperately, the need clawing away at your heart and finally settling once your hand moved onto his chest, settling above his ribs. You almost melted against him when you felt the rapid thumping of his heart beneath your fingertips.

He moved his head into the crook of your neck, a sudden drowsiness creeping through him as he felt so safe and shielded with you so close to him, you didn’t feel as far and cold from him like you usually do, and that thought brought so much peace to his mind for the first time in months.

And so you breathed his scent deeply, surrounding yourself further in him as you made a wish where you weren’t asking for too much, just for jaeyun’s love.

“Blow them out.” He lifted himself away from you, his fingers ghosting against your legs while he smiled encouragingly at you, both of your eyes seemed glossier with the light of the candles casting down on them.

“Do it with me.” You requested with your tone fragile and careful. jaeyun’s widened, his eyes turning into crescents as he looked at you tenderly. He nodded making you turn your head towards the candles, the slight warmth provided by the small fire lead shivers to run down your spine before you both leaned down and blew on the candles together.

And right when you turned back to face jaeyun with a grin, you were left alone next to the chocolate cake, the cold air jabbing at your skin while your eyes uncontrollably sought for the sight of anyone, you could’ve sworn you felt warm hands on your thighs, but there was no one else in the room other than you and layla.

Where did this cake come from? And why were you not able to remember who made this cake?

「 i waited for your love. 」

All at once, the machine glitched. Losing its track on the map of your mind when the lights around your temples glowed scarlet, indicating the loss of the connection, the interlink pausing for a brief second when a sob wrecked through your body when you remembered the memory you were about to erase.

The nurse’s rushed movements to carefully pat your cheeks that were dampened with your tears were useless against your gut wrenching cries, a rush of emotions that raged in your chest before they fell through your eyes, like a dam shattering apart as the waterfalls streamed down your face and separated from your chin to land on your lap, gradually dampening the fabric.

“Please keep t-this one.” You whimpered, each word falling apart as your voice quietened slowly, your hands reaching to clasp around the necklace that graced your chest, the small piece of pine almost penetrating your skin with its sharp edges the tighter you held it when you opened your blurry eyes to the sight of the doctor and the nurse gazing at you warily, the sorrow was shared in the room as their sympathy towards you was clear in the windows of their eyes.

The woman’s warm hands gently held onto your shaking shoulder while you begged and sobbed with the machine glitching to please keep this upcoming memory, you felt helpless. More parts of your love, of your heart being ripped away from you were finally catching up to you and god was the pain absolutely unbearable.

Was this the punishment one had to pay for the innocent act of falling in love with sim jaeyun?

Words and voices became blurred and intangible from around you, the apologies from the nurse and the doctor never fully processing in your mind as the sorrowful memory had started to play ahead of your eyes with no help from the machine.

Your last whispers were to keep this memory, to leave the memory so you can hold onto the final and most precious piece of sim jaeyun that you got to see and experience first hand, the moment where your adoration and devotion towards the boy was solidified, before the pieces returned to glow in thier emerald hue and the device relinked.

Your head ached with the continuous tears flowing down your face when the memory of you and jaeyun sitting next to each other on the couch unfolded, his fingertips ghosted on your skin, dancing around and drawing shapes and words only he knew the meaning behind while he held you close to him, the inexplicable need and desire to hold you near took a hold of him, and you understood it.

You and jaeyun understood one another beyond the boundaries others deemed possible, you understood his soul so well, his soul that was crafted from a language so intricate and delicate and you were fluent in it. And when faced with the opposite situation of him knowing your soul, he flowed in every crack and crevice of your being easily.

his presence had seeped its way throughout all of your walls that you spent day and night building, growing rapidly all over your walls like vines before breaking them all one by one, till he rooted himself in a great spot, deep in your heart.

If possible, he knew your soul better than he knew his own. But the disagreement of your minds overpowered the link between your hearts and unraveled your tangled souls from one another.

And maybe your mastery in his language was the dawn for the demise of your sweet, innocent love. Because you hated that you could tell how fidgety and anxious jaeyun was around you in this current moment.

“Is something wrong?” You finally had the bravery to voice out, worry worsening when you felt his movements freeze. He cleared his throat before sighing, pulling himself slightly away from you to stare into your eyes.

You felt time slowing around you when you saw his glossy gaze, sim Jaeyun looked breathtaking with the amount of emotions that swirled in his eyes, an amount you couldn’t even begin to fathom or comprehend, you felt yourself gradually losing yourself the longer both of you drowned on the other’s presence, the atmosphere then carried a great sense of doom that both of you decided to ignore.

Too scared to face the results of your avoidance.

“I have a gift for you.” Jaeyun breathed out, the weight that he dragged on his shoulders became heavier when he continued his typical routine of ignorance, of running away from the problem in every possible direction even if they led him to the most tragic path.

Nodding to encourage him, you pursed your lips in anticipation, excitement sparking slowly when you finally pushed away every anxious thought of what could be possibly bothering jaeyun, his hands reached towards his pocket where he pulled a box, your eyes widening when— “I’m not proposing!” He quickly blurted out once he caught your shocked expression, “it’s just— a special gift.” He blushed making you tilt your head in confusion, unknowingly deepening the blush on his face.

“Here.” He handed you the white velvety box, your fingers brushed against the fabric one final time before opening the lid and god you’ve never felt so many conflicted emotions all at once.

The intense vehemence and hurricane of feelings swirling around your heart and chest uncoordinatedly lead the device unable to keep up with the contrast between your happiness in the memory and the sheer ache that you were facing in the current time.

Like the tides of an ocean, your regret washed down on you. Intensifying as if the waves were battling with a storm, escalating the worse the strikes of the thunder became with the time. How were you supposed to forget about him?

“Why are you crying?” His voice was weak, lips quivering in panic of you repelling his gift, hating the small pine cone necklace that adorned the box in your hands, “what?” You asked, confusion laced in your voice, you were over the moon why would you be crying?

You fingertips left the soft pine cone pendant to touch your face, flinching when feeling the small tear drop on the pad of your finger, you never cried in this memory.

“Please calm her down, her emotions are disrupting the memory.” You heard the muffled voice of the doctor followed by the panicked and comforting whispers of the nurse in your ear, whispered promises of living in peace and finding happiness barely reached your mind when you were wiping away your happiness yourself right now.

“Let me help you put it on.” Jaeyun proposed, smiling softly when you nodded and turned around after handing him the necklace, Jaeyun chanted words of reassurance in his head in hopes of calming his shaking fingers that burned when they brushed against your skin, clasping the necklace for the first and final time around your chest, he felt happiness and pride blooming in his heart at the satisfaction of having a piece of himself around you at all times.

“Turn around so I can see you, pretty.” He leaned in and whispered into your ear, his smile widening when you chuckled at his words and turned around.

But why was there no one behind when you turned?

Gasping through your tears with the pieces glowing crimson around your temples, you searched through the blurry figures of white coats and stethoscopes for a different one, though unknown to you who exactly you were searching for, your eyes still raced through every corner of the room.

“Please calm down, miss.” The nurse reassured, pushing the device back onto your temples when you still weakly looked around, too exhausted to respond or fight for your belief that someone is supposed to be here for you, “we’re one final memory away.” You heard the doctor talk before breathing a shaky breath in and taking your final trip to your memory lane.

“I’ll return before night, love.” Jaeyun shouted from the door, hoping that you weren’t able to hear his wavering voice when he left you on the only day you asked for him to stay, but after all of your attempts and requests to get him to stay were unsuccessful, you stayed in the room with your puppy as you waited for her father.

And what was supposed to be two hours became three, what became three turned into the evening, and here you were with your back leaning against the door Jaeyun walked out from when it’s past midnight, Layla’s figure quickly found your own crouched one, arms wrapped around your knees to allow the sleeves of your shirt to catch your tears when the thunder struck for the nth time that night, the night that Jaeyun didn’t return.

Your chest felt empty, as if your heart had been ripped and now the cold air passing through the void of where you used to hold a blinding love made goosebumps align like constellations along your skin, you felt hollow.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, baby.” You cried to layla who’s ears only lowered, if it wasn’t for the poor lighting in the hallway you would’ve been able to also see her own glossy and hurt filled eyes at the sight of you, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t make him love me.” You turned your head from her silhouette. Shame, humiliation and heartache overflowing you entirely as you sobbed behind the same door jaeyun was leaning against.

He stood there with his frame freezing from the cold, another night of him not being able to tell the difference between the rain droplets falling from his hair and his own salty tears as he allowed the guilt to eat him up from the inside out, not having the heart to possibly open the door and greet the view of a heartbroken you.

He had seen the sight of your tired eyes too many times, and knowing that he himself was the root of the pain made the heartache devour him whole, so he slid down onto the wet floor beneath him with his back towards the door, chuckling tearfully at his own patheticness.

If only he had the bravery to free fall into the sweet and accepting love that bloomed between the two of you like you had, maybe he would’ve been on the other side of the door to engulf you in his arms and console you.

But who was he kidding, he’s the same guy that couldn’t handle the responsibility of your pure heart and distracted himself with other women, surrounding himself with different fragrances and lipstick prints all when the lady of his heart was always within arm’s reach.

He wished he had moulded himself back into the version of him that you met, the loving and easygoing Jake that gazed at you with stars in his eyes, but the damage had already been done. There was no turning back now.

Especially not when you finally opened your eyes fully to the blinding light in the room, the soft blue light being sighted in your peripheral vision, indicating the completion and the success of the operation.

Elation sparked in your body, gradually burning into a small fire when you couldn’t remember anything.

“How are you feeling, miss?” The nurse asked, a hopeful smile gracing her features while she gazed at a confused you taking in your surroundings as if it was your first time, “weirdly.. light?” The doctor chuckled at your words, “the operation was a success.” He spoke before grinning pridefully at his triumph.

“You did amazing, miss.” The nurse praised as she helped you to stand on your own feet with no heavy weight on your shoulders for the first time in months, discarding the metal pieces before shaking your hands, words of gratitude and wishes for a healthy and happy life were exchanged before you finally walked out of the door belonging to the office, taking your first strives with no burden or guilt surrounding you as if you were floating.

Oblivious of the knowledge that Jaeyun woke up with a headache on the other side of the city, the back of his head pounding with him barely able to register Layla’s worried coos, unable to fully open his eyes and lifting his hand to rub the sleep away before— wait was he crying?

The young boy stared at his hand that shined with his tears in confusion, why was he crying? He tried to remember if he had seen a nightmare, a dream, anything— only to reach no answer.

“Hey pretty, don’t worry about me it was probably a dream.” He decided on comforting his puppy that only cooed sadly, his hand reaching forward to pet her fur while the other reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone when it brushed against a foreign object.

Jaeyun’s eyebrows furrowed when he pulled out a small box from his pocket, the item resembling a weirdly intimate small box, he opened it to reveal a beautiful ring— a promise ring. embroidered with a bunch of small diamonds around the silver lining, his confusion deepening when he had absolutely no clue of who this ring could possibly belong to.

He searched the inside for any sort of engraving to no avail, “who was this for..?” He whispered to layla who deflated further into the floor, sadness overflowing from her eyes at the defeat and loss of her friend.

And at the end, you and jaeyun’s tragic love story became encapsulated into a small forgotten star in the vast, wide and endless sky.

Already opening new opportunities and doors for different stories to be woven into your lives, you finally met up with the guy your friend had set you up with, and you knew the decision of trusting her taste was successful when a tall, doe eyed guy showed up to your table.

“Hello, my name is heeseung.” He smiled sweetly, his warm aura welcoming and pulling you in completely, unknown to you that this was just the beginning of your story with the love of your life, both of you getting lost in tangled conversations filled with questions and your interests, unaware of the different couple passing outside of the window.

“Wait so jungwon scored right?” Jake laughed, engrossed in the story of how his best friend almost ended up in the hospital, “after making riki trip, yes.” The girl besides him chuckled when Jake threw his head back in laughter, without noticing how his puppy stood outside of a cafe window, layla was no longer following him and instead she seemed to gaze intensely into the window.

Her tail swishing in excitement and joy when she spotted your figure sitting on one of the chairs, accompanied by a man that wasn’t afraid to wrap his arm around your shoulder while you laughed at his words.

Both you and Jake blind to the sight of the conflicted puppy who’s head only swished on both of your distant figures with two different people around you now before walking away with a heavy heart in jaeyun’s direction.

Maybe you and Jaeyun were never meant to successfully intertwine.

— fin

a,note. this feels so weird to share now because this is my first ever heavy angst filled work that’s also very emotionally connected to me in a way, first of all thank you ariana for releasing album of the year and inspiring me to write this, if you haven’t listened to eternal sunshine please so as soon as possible.

second i’d like to share how somewhat uncomfortable it is for me to share this as i had to take a lot of breaks throughout writing it (i’m an emotional b word pls) and also there were alot of moments that were inspired by my closest friendships / emotional experiences so i really feel like im sharing some sort of part of myself with this as well, but either way i hope u enjoyed reading this !! i love u layla and i’m sorry :(

[tepkunset]

Saw Disney’s Moon Knight S1E2.

My thoughts in bullet points this time:

Literally out loud yelled “WIFE?!?” when Layla said that and then felt like my eyes rolled back into my head. What the fuck is up with the MCU and needlessly inserting marriages into characters who are not fucking married??? Marc is not married! Marc can barely hold onto a relationship! In current comics he has no desire to be in one because of that!

They completely butchered everything about the Mr. Knight identity. It’s like the saw a picture of the suit and then just made up a comedy skit around it. Wild idea guys, but here me out: Why don’t you use it how it’s used in the comics? You know, what your show is supposed to come from?

We’re 2 episodes in and 95% of the time has been dedicated to Steven fronting, to the point where it’s making Marc out to be this monster siphoning off him. I don’t understand why the writers chose to make this decision. No offence to fans of Steven, but he is the boring one and I find myself repeating what I said after the first episode: I want more Marc! For anyone reading this without comic context: Marc is the one who is usually at the front. He is the host, not Steven. I have nothing against Steven, I just am getting tired of him hogging all the screen time.

The saving grace of the episode is Khonshu's bitch energy. I’m so glad they got that right at least.

[cosmickid-inmotion]

A song fic to Billy Joel's "And So It Goes"

A beautiful song about vulnerability, heartbreak, and offering oneself despite the fear.

Through the lyrics, I will explore Marc's thoughts concerning Layla, but also dive into his past, Steven and himself and how they all intertwine and reflect off each other.

I wouldn't call it angst, just reflective.

In every heart there is a room

A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lover's past

Until a new one comes along

Marc Spector drew a long drag of his cigarette. He wasn’t one to smoke, but today was a special occasion. A terrifying occasion. It was the first time he was meeting Layla since their battle with Harrow 2 weeks ago, despite Steven’s goding to call her. He couldn’t do it. Now that Marc was free of Khonshu, he knew technically Layla was safe, but he had also massively fucked up with her. They never really talked about what happened, not yet. That’s what today was about. Marc was waiting outside the park for her to arrive. He was painfully early. An hour early, to be exact. He couldn’t sleep, so he went for coffee which only gave him anxiety. He tried to walk around, but found he just wanted to get to the park and wait. So he did. He was waiting. Marc had no idea what he was going to say.

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence is my self defense

He knew what he wanted. He wanted her. He didn’t know if she wanted him, and that terrified him. Marc wasn’t sure if he could take the rejection. Steven had assured him that no matter what happened with Layla, Steven would still be there as always. Steven really was a saving grace. Steven had promised that he would leave the consciousness to give them privacy, but Marc was now wishing that Steven had stayed, maybe Steven could take over, he was better with his words. More patient, more thoughtful, more observant. Steven was everything Marc wasn’t. That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? Layla had kissed Steven. Did Layla want Steven, but not him? Marc had promised that he would stay away from Steven forever if he wanted… Steven had insisted that he didn’t want that, but Marc wasn’t so sure. Why would Steven want him around? What did Marc offer Steven? ‘ Everything you touch you ruin. You hurt people’ Steven also had insisted that nothing would happen with him and Layla that Marc wasn’t comfortable with, but Marc had never put his comfort into consideration for most of his choices.

And every time I've held a rose

It seems I only felt the thorns

And so it goes and so it goes

And so will you soon, I suppose

Marc, for the last few decades, had tried his best to ignore every need he had. He wouldn’t eat for days, he would live off of alcohol, and purposefully make choices that would fuck up his life just to punish himself. That is, until Steven happened. He had been there for a long time, of course, but when Steven began having a life of his own, Marc felt this urge to protect him. Marc wasn’t stupid. He realized that this was a projection of his feelings over his brother's death. That was obvious. But as much as he hated the heavy handed metaphor he was given, he needed to take care of Steven. Marc thought Steven should hate him. Everyone hated him. He was an asshole. Steven didn’t know what was best for him, that’s for sure. Marc was used to everything he had being ripped from him. There was Randall, of course. The event that was the catalyst of it all. Randall was his best friend, and he died, thanks for Marc being reckless. Then his mom. Marc ruined that too. In his actions with his brother, he lost his mom forever. The mom he knew anyway. Even his dad was lost, what kind of father doesn’t protect his son? Once Marc lost respect for his dad, his dad was largely gone for him. Layla had stuck around longer than most, and Marc had managed to push her away as well. How could he explain to her how badly he wanted her in his life? The general concept of what he wanted to say was in his head, but the words wouldn’t come.

But if my silence made you leave

Then that would be my worst mistake

So I will share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break

Logically, he knew that Randall’s death wasn’t his fault. Logically, he knew he didn’t deserve his mothers abuse and he knew that he should’ve been worth his fathers protection. At least as a child, anyway. Less so now, but as a child he was. He knew it logically. But there was a gut feeling, deep down that he deserved it all. And that gut feeling told him that he didn’t deserve Layla. She deserved to be happy, with a man who could pay attention to her, a man that knew her needs and fulfilled them, a man that wasn’t broken. She deserved to have loving in-laws and have children with dotting grandparents. This was not a life he could give her. Even now, however, there was a voice in his head. Not Steven, not Khonshu, and whoever the fuck else was in his fucked up brain. It was Layla’s voice. The voice of reason. The voice telling him oh fuck off, Marc. Stop the self pity, just for once. You can make your own choices. Own up to your actions and only your actions. No one else’s. She was always there, in the back of his head, telling him that he was wrong when he felt guilt and telling him he was correct when he felt anger. Layla, with her softness on the rare occasion Marc left himself feel sadness. Layla, telling him to cut his bullshit out when he was acting up. So that’s what he was doing. He was going to at least try to get her back. Say his piece, at the very minimum.

And this is why my eyes are closed

It's just as well for all I've seen

And so it goes and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

Layla, with her softness. Her soft, soft skin… He missed feeling that skin. Her arms, her stomach, her breasts, lower, lower… He missed the feeling of taking her everywhere possible: On their bed, in the shower, the kitchen counter, backseat of the car, front seat of the car, hood of the car . That car saw a lot of damage. Fuck, she was perfect. Her big, beautiful hair, her eyes that seem to look past every single barrier, her ass, her tight- concentrate Marc, you gotta think about what to say. Think about how to get her to stay. Definitely don’t think about the night she gave you a striptease for your birthday, the way she looked in that red lingerie, they way she slide up and down your- fuck. It wasn’t just about the sex, but god was the sex great. It was a cliche, but if sex could be earth shattering, thats what sex with Layla was. But it wasn’t just about the things she could do, it was how she made him feel. The sex wasn’t just amazing because of way she would arch her body to meet him, or the sounds she would make, it was amazing because Marc was able to fully let go. He could trust her. With Layla, Marc could be his most vulnerable. It wasn’t like Marc didn’t have sex with anyone before Layla. Oooooh no. He had that department covered. But it was never like it was with her. For years, Marc couldn’t put his finger on why the sex was so different. It wasn’t like anything was wrong with the other girls. The sex was good, they were pretty, they were nice. He might have had feelings here and there. But Layla saw him for everything he was. Broken, angry, harsh. But she also saw and brought out sides of him he didn’t think even existed. Protective, loving, determined. What could he say to make her think of him that way again?

So I would chose to be with you

That's if the choice were mine to make

But you can make decisions too

And you can have this heart to break

He hoped that she still saw those traits in him. He hoped to god she still saw things in himself that he couldn’t believe were there. Things that he wanted so, so bad to be. For her. For Steven. Ah, Steven. What if she saw those things in him? Steven was warm, kind, smart, and thoughtful. And looked just like Marc. Marc was not a confident man in most things, but he knew he was good looking. And jacked. Now there were positive traits he could list about himself. Fuck, better add vain to the list of negetive traits. What if Layla wanted Steven not him? He would leave them be, he would have to. Marc finds it very difficult to say his feelings, that much was obvious. But Steven was the best part of him ‘ you were the only real super power I ever had’ . That stood true. But Layla? She wasn’t his super power, no, she didn’t exist for him. That was the thing. She was a solely autonomous person. Marc knew what he had to say. He didn’t need to convince her to come back, he didn’t need to talk his way in or out of anything. He needed to be honest. He would lay it all out on the table and let her make her choice. It was completely her choice, not his. He needed to give up control. God, just for once. Give up control. He saw her approach. Half an hour early, just like him. He knew she’d be here early, because he knew she’d known he’d be there early, like he was for everything. She smiled at him. He wanted to run. He wanted to persuade her. But no, this was about her… this was her choice. And god, he hoped she chose him

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

[lovelyysiriuss]

chromatic | two

*gif not mine

AUTHOR’S NOTE: ramadan mubarak to any of my muslim readers that are celebrating! i definitely know i am, alhamdulillah! i hope everyone has a blessed ramadan this year, staying happy and healthy! ameen :)

PAIRING: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader / Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

WORD COUNT: 626

INSPO: a series on TikTok by @serenaivory of the same name.

CHROMATIC MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | ASKS! REQUESTS! TAGS! | SUBMIT ANYTHING! | WATTPAD VERSION

prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Betrothed to the wrong individual.

Pain is all he felt. Eternity—feeling as though this pain was everlasting.

He should not feel for a person who he had recently met. Though, ‘recently’ was many months ago. He cannot think. Thoughts of her, her, her. Her beauty, grace, and gentle eyes.

The wondrous colors made up for it. The colors she brought in. The world looked clearer, with newfound blues, greens, pinks, purples. The city that never sleeps was booming further, day by day, exciting the 106-year-old. Never noticing the true beauty of the world, he is in a state of pure awe. But her beauty could nevermore emulate.

The world could not stop for her. Bucky is knowledgeable of such. The man has to continue his daily presence of defending individuals from the evils of the universe. Complex when she needs the saving.

“Sam, where are they?” Steve calls out.

The situation is tense. Common knowledge around the world that Captain America has a new misses, enemies have the will to destroy the patriotic figure with the newfound information revealed to them.

Sam’s voice reverberated in the trio’s earpieces, “They left on one of the trucks.”

“I see one.” Steve nodded.

“I see a truck as well.” Bucky agreed.

Sam scanned the area with his high-tech vision, “Got ‘em. They got her on the red one.”

Puzzled, the blond held the earpiece closer to his ear, unfamiliar with colors while living in his grayscale world, “On which one?”

“The red one,” Sam repeats.

Ashamed, Steve replies, “I can’t see the colors…”

“I got her.” Bucky declares confidently.

“Steve, I just sent you the coordinates.”

“I’m on my way, baby.”

Bucky is overthrown by the endearing pet name. Everything that he could desire for his completion, his best friend attains. His soul was stolen, plunged out of his chest, and splayed across him. It was diabolical, heart-wrenching, mortifying.

But this was not about Steve, this was about her. His other half.

He ran with his heart on his sleeve. Staggered breaths, heart pumping, powerful adrenaline—running as if his life depended on it. As if she was his life. He exists if she does.

He threw apart the doors to the truck, screaming for her name. Her face lit up, exclaiming, “Bucky!” Relief coursing her body. Her expression restless, a gaze of finally. Viewing him feels as if being reborn, a perpetual reminder of loveliness, with a touch of regret.

He sighs, “It’s okay, doll. I got you.”

Worry flashes her soft features. Within that millisecond, James Buchanan Barnes wants nothing more than her safety. He would be willing to sacrifice himself for her. Only her. Nothing but her. Just her. “You have to go, I’m not alone!”

Before he could get a word in, he is flung out of the truck. She cries for his name. “Run!” Bucky replies. To which she does. Leaping from one truck to the other, halted by one of the bandits attempting to grab her arm. “Don’t you dare touch her!” Once more, the brunet is tossed against another truck.

She pants, “Bucky! I’m coming!” The girl is reaching for him, their fingertips meet.

So close, yet so far. Akin to Romeo and Juliet, Layla and Majnun, Farhad and Shirin, or Krishna and Radha. A tragedy with the inclusion of lost love; rather unblossomed love. She grasps his arm, being pulled downwards by him, and into each other in a grass field.

He ventures to catch his raging breath while soothing his erratic heartbeat. They are tangled within one another. Limbs carefree, as though the position was natural. Almost made for each other.

“Are you okay?” He questions above her figure. His gaze wandering her supple lips, appearing as though they were begging to be acquainted.

PERMANENT TAGS: @soccer-100000 , @blahehblah , @rottenstyx , @cc13723things , @grayodmyoldtea (dm me if you want to be part of a taglist, and specify which fandom)!

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[redfountainpostin]

They are both idiots but I'll do Musa first.

I always said Musa is a girl on which it is painfully obvious she didn't have a mom. When you're a tween growing into teen girl and you start looking at boys, sometimes, either through the media influence (romcoms, silly books, TV shows) or your own immaturity, you may start appreciating wrong things in guys or expecting a romance like in the media you watch. Your mom's job is to tell you "no, guys can't read your mind" "no, bad boys aren't always cute" and "don't you dare go forth trying to fix that damn man". Musa did not have that guidance (her dad never stepped up and we never hear of any relatives filling her mom's shoes) and when it comes to the relationships she's very, very immature- that is no attack on Musa, Musa is a 16 year old girl, she can be as unprepared for a relationship as she wants. She fell for Riven super hard and when she finally did get him, she at more than one occasion (no do not ask me to give you exact scenes bc I cannot) wanted him to basically read her mind. She also is holding some of his flaws against him way too harshly considering that she TOOK HIM LIKE THAT. When she first wanted him he was way worse, even. This is not me saying girls should power through their boyfriend's shit just because it was there when they got em. HOWEVER, Musa had no business being surprised. She knew what he was like, and took his issues PERSONALLY when honestly, they had nothing to do with her. He's a lil fucked up, but he loves her. If she wanted a smoother relationship, she should have been ready for some of his issues and handled them with thicker skin. There's also the fact that it most of his issues: anger issues, emotional unavailability, short temper, lone wolf tendencies, are things she was/is attracted to. That's the problem when you're 16 and immature relationship-wise. Now, I am not even sure rn how THAT would be fixed, but here I'll also give Musa more grace and say that lassie is too busy saving the planet all the time to perfectly build her relationship and learn about herself and figure out what she wants quickly. As for Riven- well, I don't really need to write a lot here, we all know what his flaws are. What he could do there... uh. DON'T be a massive prick, I guess? Lol. Anyways. I will however add my theory here that his and Darcy's relationship, before it went tits up, was actually amazing- in no small thanks to the fact that the girl was reading his mind and she KNEW what was up at all time. She KNEW how he felt about her and there were no insecurities on either side. Add to that that Riven's love language is acts of service- they were perfect. Musa, however, is miss independent and doesn't need him to do shit for her, she wants emotional availability, which Riven, by nature closed off and freshly traumatized (thanks obama darcy) just cannot give, and he also cannot explain to her WHY he can't. Although, if he had the emotional intelligence to explain why he can't give it, he'd also be able to just give it, so... hm. Wrote myself in a corner here lol. Anyways can we also just appreciate the fact that the dude literally taking a killing blow for her was never that much considered, after? Like Musa and Layla are chatting about Musa breaking up with him and no one, not even Musa, brings up that fact? I blame writing honestly, my girls are innocent. I'm not saying she'd have to stay with him JUST because of that, but man, it deserves a place in the "pros" list lololololol.

I’ll never understand why do so many people hate on Darcy and Riven’s relationship during season 1, saying Riven cheated on Musa while back then they had nothing going on between them except Musa having a crush on him (and Riven never even really answered to her feelings so it’s not like he was giving Musa empty hopes/promises). These are the same people who have nothing against Musa dating Jared in season 2, which was basically the same case- Musa and Riven had nothing to do with each other and they were free to date whoever they want, so why is Riven having a girlfriend (Darcy) cheating, but Musa dating Jared not? None of these really is cheating since they were a couple, therefore how was Riven toxic for dating Darcy? Wasn’t Musa the toxic one by basically stalking Riven and being obsessed with him and his girlfriend?

[bravelittleflower]

OC Masterlist

Fandom: Harry Potter

Title: Trials of a Witch -> golden trio era

Margaret Dursley - fc: Sophie Nelisse love interest: Lee Jordan

Agatha Ashwood - fc: Amanda arcuri (Titans Raven)  Love Interest: Fred Weasley(?)

Nathaniel O’Connel - fc: walker scobell

Moira Green - fc: MacKenzie Foy love interest: Draco Malfoy

Elizabeth Ashwood - fc: tbd

Title: Change on the Rise -> Marauders Era

Astra Black - fc: Emma Mackey love interst: Gideon Greeengrass

Giedon Greengrass - fc: Daniel Sharman love interest: Astra Black

Fandom: MCU

Title: Reluctant Hero

Barbara Ann (Bobbie) Rogers - fc: Melissa Benoist

          love interest: Bucky Barnes

Title: The Ties that Bind us

Sophie Stark - fc: Katie  McGarth - love interest: Loki

Title: Happier Than Ever

 Noemie Valerie (Nova) Thompson - fc: lulu Antariksa love interest: Harry Osborn

Title: Trick or Treat

Sigyn - fc: Claire Holt love interest: Natasha Romanoff

Ivy - fc: Sophie Turner(Sansa Stark) love interest: Thor

Lady Eir - fc: megan Follows love interest: none

Plot Bunny - Eleanor Barton fc- Crystal Reed

Plot Bunny - Marcy fc - Maisie Richardson-sellers

Fandom: Percy Jackson

Title: Survivor

Daphne Bonavich - Candice Accola love interest:Jason Grace

Layla Bonavich - Astrid Berge Frisbey love interest: none

Brandon Henderson - Nick Blood

Lorelei Bonavich - Lana Parilla

Killian Rosenheim - Paul Wesley (Piper McLean)

Fandom: DC UNIVERSE

Isadora Grayson - Jenna Coleman love interest: ?

Callum Montgomery - Andrew Garfield love interest: Jordan Carmichael

Jordan Carmichael - Tyler Posey

Nadia Evolett - Kat McNamara love iterest: none

FANDOM: TVD UNIVERSE

title: Courtesy Call

Faith Kline - fc: katherine mcNamara love Interest: Maya Machado

Melissa Kline - fc: Jennifer Morrison Love interest: Tyler Lockwood

Grahama Boswell - fc:  Matthew Daddario love interest - Lizzie Saltzmann

Title: Saving grace

Grace Salvatore - fc brittany o'brady love interest: Kol Mikaelson

FANDOM My Hero Academia

title: rooftop talks and other heroic activities

Akiko Todoroki love interest - endgame: Denki Kaminari

title: Hiraeth

Himawari Midoriya - love interest - Bakugou Katsuki

Satoru Mori

Fandom : Riverdale

Teddy Moore - Crytal Reed love interest Jughead Jones

Plot bunny since I gave up on Riverdale in season 1

Fandnom Once Upon A Time

faint hearts never won

Lucy Darling - fc: Holland Rhoden love Interest: Henry Mills

Stella Darling-Mills - fc: MacKenzie Foy

Fandom: Shadowhunters

title: Ashes to Ashes

Elizabeth Herondale  fc: Nina dobrev

Love interest: Matthew Fairchild /

pot bunny

Fandom :The Umbrella Academy

A guide to stop the end of the world

Thea Hargreeves fc: Riley voelkel 

Arthur de Loughrey

Fandnom: Teen Wolf

Title: Prom Queen

Simone Holmes fc: Ginny Gardner love Interest: Isaac Lahey

Fandom:Descendants

Gabrielle (Gabi) Legume- Olivia Holt

Fandom: One Piece / Fairy Tail

title: Arsonist Lullaby

Monkey D. Lori love ineters: Lyon Vista

Fandom: One Piece

title: Hearts Like Wildflowers

Ayame love interest: Sabo

Fandom:Fairy Tail

title: Bird Set Free

Mavis Lowell

Fandom: Black Clover

Title: Stories of Tomorrow

Sidra - love interest Raia

Erin Adair -  love interest: Finral Roulacase

Fandom: ATLA

Title:Wanderers Lullaby

Ai - love interest: Sokka

Title: Opposites

Fandom: Strangers Things

Emma Harrington love interest: Robin buckley

Fandom Julia and the phantoms

Title:This is my fight song

Lucie King

Cecilia *C.C* Lopez

Fandom: Shadow and Bones

Title: Of Monsters and Men

Tilly Rietsfeld - fc: Millie Brady love interest: Nikolai Lantsov

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers:

Title: Guilty or Innocent

Gin Asano love interest: Mikey

Title: enchanted to meet you

Naomi Sano love interest: wakasa Imaushi

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Title: you see big girl

Freya Jaeger love interest: Jean Kirstein

[melina-mellow]

She Hulk: Attorney at Law Review.

Overall I liked She Hulk. I thought it was kinda fun, but I haven't really enjoyed any of this year's shows tbh (or the movies *cough* love and thunder and MoM *could*) The only show that I actually enjoyed this year was Ms. Marvel.... Moon Knight started good but went completely off the rails with what the character is supposed to be (the only saving grace of that show was Layla)

Overall She Hulk isn't my favorite show nor one that I liked all that much, but I still think that it gets unnecessary hate (not denying the shit cgi and all that)

All in all, I think it's an okay show, definitely not up there with FATWS or Loki (shipping bs aside, it introduced new consepts about the multiverse and Kang) in terms of quality or storytelling, but just okay... I'm just glad Jen got introduced into the MCU, and I hope we see her again and what they'll do with her after this.

I give it a 7/10

[emerald-studies]

How to be an Ally

 Discussions on Race Pt. 2

June 29, 2020

Day 1 of 7

Post with fixed links here!: 

https://emerald-studies.tumblr.com/post/626271345488150528/how-to-be-an-ally

Reblog this one!

[ These are just some thoughts I have in my head about this topic, it isn’t meant to be a purely academic discussion. It’s meant to be a conversation to learn about another perspective. ]     

Also sorry this one took longer than previous posts, I had to do a lot of research.     

-

1.  Check In On Your Black Friends/Acquaintances 

 In my opinion, I believe the best way to be an ally is to reach out to your Black friends and check in on them, consistently. If you can recognize the times we are living in are absolute hell, you should be checking in on the most effected. None of my friends have checked up on me to see how I was doing or just to talk. They didn’t even bring up the protests until I did. It feels very very lonely and scary to not be checked up on by the people who say they support and love you. So, I’m making this the first point because I don’t want anyone else to feel this way, not trying to complain.

2.  Learn More About Black History

It’s important to learn about the Black activists that our history books left out. Yes, Martin Luther King Jr. was, and is, important but we need to reflect on why he was pushed on us so much in our history classes, compared to other Black leaders. Is it because our government would rather us walk down the street holding signs than actually defending ourselves against the cop who’s beating us?

Here’s a master list of activists to start you off.

3.  Go to Rallies and Protests

Find protests and rallies in your area by looking on Twitter and search #yourcityprotest. Or watch your local news channel to see where they are (if they’re being covered on the news). Also search on Facebook. Wear a mask.

4. Donate and Sign Petitions

If you don’t have extra money to donate, that’s fine. If you still want to be an ally then sign all the petitions you can. Take a day to research all the ones you can sign/haven’t signed and sign them!

(Also you don’t need to donate to change.org! Directly donate to non-profit organizations and victims’ families!)

George Floyd - change.org

George Floyd - amnesty.org

George Floyd - colorofchange.org

Get The Officers Charged

Charge All Four Officers

Breonna Taylor - moveon.org

Breonna Taylor - colorofchange.org

Breonna Taylor - justiceforbreonna.org

Breonna Taylor - change.org

Breonna Taylor - thepetitionsite.com

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 2

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 3

Justice for Oluwatoyin Salau

Pass The Georgia Hate Crime Bill

Defund MPD

Life Sentence For Police Brutality

Regis Korchinski - change.org

Tete Gulley - change.org

Tony McDade - change.org

Tony McDade - actionnetwork.org

Tony McDade - thepetitionsite.com

Joao Pedro - change.org

Julius Jones - change.org

Belly Mujinga - change.org

Willie Simmons - change.org

Hands Up Act - change.org

National Action Against Police Brutality

Kyjuanzi Harris - change.org

Alejandro Vargas Martinez - change.org

Censorship Of Police Brutality In France

Sean Reed - change.org

Sean Reed - change.org 2

Kendrick Johnson - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org 2

Fire Racist Criminal From The NYPD

Jamee Johnson - organizefor.org

Darius Stewart - change.org

Darius Stewart - moveon.org

Abolish Prison Labor

Free Siyanda - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org 2

Andile Mchunu (Bobo) - change.org

Eric Riddick - change.org

Amiya Braxton - change.org

Emerald Black - change.org

Elijah Nichols - change.org

Zinedine Karabo Gioia - change.org

Angel Bumpass - change.org

Sheku Bayoh - change.org

Angel DeCarlo - change.org

Sandra Bland - change.org

Sherrie Walker - change.org

Darrien Hunt - change.org

Cornelius Fredericks - change.org

Elijah McClain - change.org

James Scurlock - change.org

Darren Rainey- change.org

Visit these sites for more info:

http://www.pb-resources.com/

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

5. Educate yourself and others.

Articles: 

- “America’s Racial Contract Is Killing Us” by Adam Serwer | Atlantic (May 8, 2020)

- Ella Baker and the Black Freedom Movement (Mentoring a New Generation of Activists

- ”My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant” by Jose Antonio Vargas | NYT Mag (June 22, 2011)

- The 1619 Project (all the articles) | The New York Times Magazine

- The Combahee River Collective Statement

- “The Intersectionality Wars” by Jane Coaston | Vox (May 28, 2019)

- Tips for Creating Effective White Caucus Groups developed by Craig Elliott PhD

- “Where do I donate? Why is the uprising violent? Should I go protest?” by Courtney Martin (June 1, 2020)

- ”White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Knapsack Peggy McIntosh

- “Who Gets to Be Afraid in America?” by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi | Atlantic (May 12, 2020)

Movies/TV Shows: 

When They See Us

American Son

Hello Privilege, It’s Me, Chelsea

The 13th

Murder to Mercy: The Cyntoia Brown Story 

What Happened Miss Simone?

The Two Killings of Sam Cooke

Who Killed Malcolm X?

The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson

Homecoming: A Film by Beyonce (Lighter in tone)

LA 92

Dear White People

Videos:

- Black Feminism & the Movement for Black Lives: Barbara Smith, Reina Gossett, Charlene Carruthers (50:48)

- “How Studying Privilege Systems Can Strengthen Compassion” | Peggy McIntosh at TEDxTimberlaneSchools (18:26)

- American Oxygen - Rihanna

- Formation - Beyonce 

Podcasts:

- Malcolm X Speeches

- 1619 (New York Times)

- About Race

- Code Switch (NPR)

- Intersectionality Matters! hosted by Kimberlé Crenshaw

- Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast

- Pod For The Cause (from The Leadership Conference on Civil & Human Rights)

- Pod Save the People (Crooked Media)

- Seeing White

Books:

- The Autobiography of Malcolm X

- Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About RaceBook by Reni Eddo-Lodge

- Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins

- Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Dr. Brittney Cooper

- Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon

- How To Be An Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi

- I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

- Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

- Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

- Raising Our Hands by Jenna Arnold

- Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

- Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

- So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

- The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

- The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

- The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

- The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism for the Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs

- The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson

- Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

- This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color by Cherríe Moraga

- When Affirmative Action Was White: An Untold History of Racial Inequality in Twentieth-Century America by Ira Katznelson

- White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo, PhD

Follow:

- Shaun King: Instagram | Twitter | Website

- Antiracism Center: Twitter

- Audre Lorde Project: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Black Women’s Blueprint: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Color Of Change: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Colorlines: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- The Conscious Kid: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Equal Justice Initiative (EJI): Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Families Belong Together: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- The Leadership Conference on Civil & Human Rights: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- MPowerChange: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Muslim Girl: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- NAACP: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- National Domestic Workers Alliance: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Ziwe | Instagram | (She has discussions about race with White people, kinda grilling them, every Thursday at 8 p.m. EST. Super thrilling to watch.)

Here’s Some Music Too:

Change Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

Chain Gang - Nina Simone

Missisippi Goddamn - Nina Simone

Fuck Da’ Police - N.W.A.

New Slaves - Kanye

This is America - Childish Gambino

I’m Not Racist - Joyner Lucas

Fight the Power - Public Enemy

Glory - Common, John Legend

Freedom (Live) - Beyonce

I Can’t Breathe - H.E.R.

American Oxygen - Rihanna

Brown Skin Girl - Beyonce 

+

My Playlist With A Few More

Black Artists Matter Playlist

What a large list! It looks so overwhelming! Don’t worry, you don’t have to read/watch/listen to everything. It takes a lot of effort!

  Jk. 

If you don’t want to do some homework and good deeds, then you don’t want to be an ally. And that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t lie to yourself about it.

Tough shit.

-

Discussion time.

Who are your favorite Black activists that you didn’t learn about in school?

(Mine is Huey P. Newton)

Favorite song by a Black artist? 

(Mine is Freedom by Beyonce but the live version)

Let me know what you think here

-Faith

[vvynia]

exactly! although i was dramatic and into fashion like stella and looked the most like layla, tecna was my ALL TIME favorite fairy. she didn’t get as much screentime as the other girls but the little hand moves she does in her transformation and the fact that she basically pulled an avengers level “save the entire world/magical dimension” feat in that one episode only solidified my love for her.

every moment she had in the earlier seasons felt so monumental despite her being one of the lesser seen fairies. she is so beautiful and graceful and i miss her so much 💕💕

so like... not to get too into the storytelling of a kid's cartoon but i ADORE the way that the first four girls to get their enchantix make sacrifices that are reversed either in the same or the very next episode. so you do get these emotional moments but you get into this pattern where you understand that gaining your enchantix reverses can reverse most damage and then BOOM! tecna gets her enchantix and then fucking dies!!!! she's dead and in hell for three whole episodes!!! absolutely devastating i love it sm.

[apple-bottom-jeansx]

ask and you shall recieve! Here is reasons I have found that James and Cordelia might not get the Happily Ever After I so badly want for them (this may be very convoluted because my brain doesn't really see things as seperate ideas but instead everything is all connected like a web so I am sorry but I'll try my best to make it make sense)

The first time I got this idea was when in Chain of Gold CC constantly paralleled James and Cordelia to Layla and Majnun. these two characters are in love from childhood, but were prevented from being together (this sounds familiar). As adults they try to unite again, but die without ever succeeding. this is a worrisome parallel to me.

There is also this quote from Layla and Majnun “A thousand thorns his course delayed. No rest he found by day or night - Layla, forever, in his sight”. James' and Cordelia's relationship was doomed the moment Tatiana asked James to cut the briars at her manor. I never expanded on it but I also have this theory that James is also meant to represent Sleeping Beauty. Briar Rose (James) pricked her finger on a thorn and fell under a spell (that woudl be Grace and the bracelet). What's even more interesting is that thorns/briars kept kights from entering the castle to save her. So there are two parallels that both involve thorns keeping a couple frome each other, and CC went as far to make this happen literally in TLH as well. (the sleeping beauty theory i have not updated since chain of gold but i can share that if you all are interested).

There is also this quote from Catarina in TFTSA about James: "Fated to walk a difficult and painful path, to drink bitter water with sweet, to tread where there were thorns as well as flowers. No one could save him from that. People did try." I've already established that I think Grace represents thorns. Well I also think that Cordelia is meant to represent roses. Again, most of my evidence is from CHOG (I honestly just have been forgetting to look for it in CHOI). This entire time, if you see Grace as thorns and Cordelia as roses, James has been treading where there are both thorns and flowers. THEN Catarian says "no one could save him". Even if my interpretation of the quote is inncorrect, that part of the quote makes me sososo anxious. Catarina what does that mean???

(I talk about this quote and the next one here)

Then there is this quote from Great Expectations: “Estella, to the last hours of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil”. I'm assuming this is where CC got "The Last Hours" from. My concern with this quote is that James is Pip and Estella is Grace. I'm hoping this will just turn into James forgiving Grace for what she did and realizing that she had very little control. However, in GE, the story ends with Pip still in love with Estella and I am WORRIED.

The last piece I can find right now is how James is paralleled to Jesse James. I have not posted anything about this theory yet, but Jesse ends up betrayed and murdered by the last two members of his gang that he trusted. For the sake of all the Merry Thieves and all of us readers I hope that I am reading too much into this parallel

as always please let me know your thoughts!!

I’m tagging everyone who commented under my last post as well as everyone who said they wanted to be tagged in my theories @immortal-enemies @moony401 @angelharahel @anarmorofwords @queenlilith43 @icycoolslushie @gabtapia

[trashcankitty12]

Helia Headcanons

Helia Scofield, nephew of Saladin; Master Artist in the making.

Don’t let his soft demeanor and pacifistic leanings fool you; Helia’s up for the fight if he’s needed.

(All headcanons are mainly for my verses: Left and the New Company of Light. Fair warning.)

-Helia was born to Harley and Hannah Scofield.

-Hannah, Saladin’s twin (and the elder twin, thank you) is an illusion-based witch who works with her Great Uncle’s army. She’s a commander of the Pegasus Unit of the Callistan Army, and unlike her brother, tries to keep herself out of trouble.

-Harley’s more of a gentle soul who enjoys art and runs an art gallery in Callisto.

-As you can imagine, his parents, though loving to him and though they did love each other at one point, have had many disagreements about their lifestyles and what would be best for the family.

-Harley was more pacifistic while Hannah preferred to ‘face things head on’. (Both have great strategic minds though, and… Tended to use them against each other.)

-At a young age, Helia showed potential for magic. Hannah and Saladin tried to help hone his potential skills as a wizard, but the best he could do was simple spells to make himself faster and stronger than normal and to send magic notes. (And a few other minimalistic spells. He couldn’t do anything fancy like his mom and uncle though…)

-It didn’t really bum him out too much though. In fact, it was partially a relief that he wouldn’t have to worry about hurting someone with his magic if his feelings or concentration went out of control. And he had an easy way of keeping his utensils nearby while he was working.

-Helia was in a junior sword fighting league as a kid, something his Uncle Saladin and his mother were very proud of. (Though his father thought it reckless and dangerous and ugly… Even if there was a sort of elegance to sword fighting when done right.)

-He also participated in art clubs at his school and did his to earn high marks in elementary and middle school. (He tended to be a daydreamer and often spaced out in class, especially if the subject was boring to him. Which became another argument for his parents.)

-When he was about 12/13, his parents decided to divorce. Hannah relocated and deployed to serve in Magix at the Callistan Embassy (and to be closer to her brother). His father remained in Callisto.

-He was actually happy that they finally divorced, thrilled to never have to hear one of their ‘we’re not really arguing, just having a heated discussion’ sort of fights. Having to decide where to live and what his plans for the future, however, made him sick.

-His social anxiety was through the roof anyway, and on top of all of this… His art took a bit of a dark turn and so did his poetry.

-How dare his parents fight each other and then demand he choose? How dare they implode on him like this?

-(Faragonda and Griffin were honestly the best people during this time. And so were his childhood friends. They helped him keep his cool and realize what he wanted and how to go about talking to his parents about this stuff.)

-Helia left the sword fighting league, he never really enjoyed it anyway except for the moments he was benched and could sketch the matches. And he decided to stay with his father and enroll at the Callistan Art Academy. His mother was so proud that he wanted to follow his dreams, and agreed to weekends and holidays.

-(Honestly his parents were just happy that he was talking to them again instead of pushing them away. They were so worried, they even went to therapy so they could try and do better for Helia.)

-Helia stayed in touch with some of his sword fighting league friends and kept up with his childhood friends when he went to the Art Academy.

-He loved showing off his new works and talking his friends into being models for some of his works. (One of his favorite portraits is of his best guy friend posing with his new weapon after being accepted into Red Fountain.)

-His parents did move on from each other. On his dad’s side, he has a stepdad and a lovely younger stepsister who adores him. (And he has a half-brother on the way!!)

-His mom remarried a fellow soldier, Monroe. And Monroe has two children of their own; Seneca and Marie. (Older stepsisters… They’re loud and boisterous, but they mean well and Helia enjoys watching them pose and give him fashion shows to help out his own work.)

-Though he was only at the Academy for a short time, Helia discovered many things about himself. (And made friends with the Princess of Linphea who had gotten in despite her age. The fairy is truly gifted in making topiary art.)

-He loves his charcoal brushes and using colored pencils when doing sketches. Something about the way it moves on the paper just makes him so happy.

-And he does love to paint, though he’s not much for water colors. (And never ask him to do a digital piece. The last time he tried working with a tablet, he nearly got electrocuted. Granted, it was probably a one-time thing, but he took it as a sign.)

-Poetry is second love, aside from sketching and painting. He loves being able to verbalize his feelings and put the words down that he can feel inside. Its one of the few ways he feels he can truly connect to people, since it’s easier to write down the words instead of saying them. (Though he has done poetry readings from time to time.)

-Between portraits and landscapes, Helia prefers landscapes. And he’d really gotten into architecture drawings before he left the Academy.

-Because his parents were often busy when he was a kid, he found he had useful skills to ‘adult’ while at the Academy and on his own for the first time. (He can cook fairly well, at least, you know what you’re supposed to be eating and it tastes pretty good. But he’s no Chef Langdon.)

-He was great at keeping his room spotless and clean. His workspaces however? Not so much.

-Over half his wardrobe is stained with either paint or charcoal or clay.

-(Yes, he can do pottery. Just not very well. In fact, it usually looks pretty shit, but hey, he tried.)

-After seeing the news about what happened in Magix and how his uncle’s school was destroyed and the people he cared about nearly died, Helia decided to transfer. (Which took a lot of convincing with his dad and the Dean of the Academy and Saladin.)

-But once he was in, he was in. And when given the choice about his weapon, he went with one his mother loves to use, the laser-string gloves. Great for restraint and for quick weapon-recovery in battle without potentially causing further harm.

-Add in his ability to make himself stronger, and he can wield that glove with the confidence of a sword fighter.

-He quickly clicked with Timmy once he joined their squadron, despite the two having different views of technology.

-Helia was Riven’s roommate though, and while their personalities didn’t compete with each other, they didn’t completely get along either. (Riven reminded Helia of Hannah with his ‘let’s just face it’ ways and Riven felt Helia wasn’t much of a hero if all he did was restrain instead of fight.)

-Of course, as time went on, Helia and Riven do have respect for each other, and have many inside jokes that came from their time living together.

-Helia quickly found he was one of the ‘advisors’ of the group, with everyone coming to him for advice. He was flattered, sure, but dudes… Just because he managed to get what he got, doesn’t mean he knows how he did it.

-Aside from training with his gloves, he’s good using a whip and decent with a sword. Bows and arrows/anything needing aim isn’t his strong suit. He’s also not the best at giving reports on how things went on their missions, which is why that task gets delegated to Sky or Riven.

-He trained as a medic too, deciding that while he wouldn’t be the best in a fight, he can help with the aftermath. And his squad kind of needed a medic aside from Timmy and Brandon…

-Helia may not enjoy fighting, but he’s not above doing what’s necessary when the people he cares about are in danger. There have been plenty of times, not just when saving the Magical Dimension, that Helia has risked his life and limbs to protect his friends.

-One such incident was a survival trip to the Marshlands of Amanal. Brandon never would have made it home in one piece if Helia hadn’t thrown himself at the hippogriff. (And he somehow managed to befriend it afterward. No, he has no memory of how he did it.)

-Helia tends to be a stress-sketcher. Worried about a test? Doodles on his notes from class. Worried about an upcoming mission? Sketchbook in hand. Relationship issues? Sketchbook.

-Oh! He’s a great pilot too! Helia has a great sense of direction and has grown up around the ships, so he knows how to work them. (Now, if you want to know what makes them tick or how to put them together if they fall apart, ask someone else. Preferably Timmy or Riven.)

-Helia has a whole stash of teas. A collection, if you will. (Something that he blames Faragonda for, but hey, it’s not the worst habit ever.)

-After all the traveling he’s done thanks to Red Fountain, Helia sort of understands better why his mom and uncle loved their military days so much. Seeing new places, learning new things, enjoying new foods… It’s quite an existence. (If you can look passed all the fighting and wars and invasions…)

-Yes, Helia does yoga. He also enjoys dance. (And with friends like Layla, Musa, and Nabu, he never has to do it alone.)

-Some of his favorite people to sketch: Flora, for her grace and beauty and the way she seems to just breathe life into natural settings; Sky, for his posture and presence and ability to always appear in charge; Layla, for her strength and grace and how every body of water seems to be at her command; and finally, Timmy and Tecna, As a couple, those two just radiate this feeling of joy and it just… How can you not want to sketch it?!

-(Kiko is also a favorite sketch subject. The little rabbit just has so much personality!)

-This may come as a shock to people, but Helia enjoys horror movies. Preferably the psychological/thriller-based horror movies. It’s the way they capture human emotion and it’s just so poignant and interesting. He wants to learn how to convey such feelings in his work.

-Between his parents, you’d think Helia was closer to his father… In actuality, he’s closer to his mother.

-His mom enjoyed doing things and showing him things and just getting him to be more active and curious as a child.

-His father was more of a watcher. An observer-type. Always looking for something awe-inspiring for his next piece. (Something Helia and Harley bond over now. And laugh at, from time to time.)

-Helia enjoys swapping sketching ideas with Bloom and Stella, looking to see what they’re up to and how they can try and work off of each other.

-(And he has done some physical character sheets and layout ideas for Tecna’s video game idea to help her see her vision more clearly.)

-Helia doesn’t play a lot of video games. They’re just not his thing… But he does have a soft spot for the Sims series after Bloom introduced him to it, and he enjoys this maze creation game that a Solarian gaming company came up with for phones (level 200!!!).

-He swears more than people think he does. It’s almost comical how shocked people are when they meet this ‘sweet and soulful guy’ and then he drops a few ‘f’ bombs while working on his projects. (Not just ‘f’ bombs either… Dude gets creative with his curses. Even Riven’s impressed.)

-Helia didn’t go to Earth with the others, instead taking up a job offer on Callisto to help with remodeling his great uncle’s barracks. (And now, the castle itself… He’s so honored it’s his designs in the works.)

-However, he does visit from time to time. It makes him a little sad though, seeing Earth the way it is. All the pollution creating cars, the strange fashion, the way people seem to disregard each other. It’s so sad.

-When the ‘saving the Magical Dimension’ stuff stops, Helia’s hoping to join with his father’s art gallery and to build on his portfolio of projects. (He knows he already has a few jobs waiting for him, like Stella’s coronation portrait for when she becomes queen.)

-He just hopes his works inspire and touch people the way they do as he works on them.