#like im drunk and sad wtf

[ashstfu]

RIP </3

[simp-ly-writes]

The Comment Section (pt.6)

─────── · · A Social Media AU Fic

Pairing: Spencer Agnew x gn!Reader

─ · · SUMMARY: I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love you. Or when (yourshipname) gets messy after a drunken blur at the Oscars and a hate train...

─ · · TAGS: gender-neutral pronouns, hurt/comfort, angst, social media au, angst, twitter hate, suggestive themes, alcohol consumption, slowburn, light swearing, kissing, fluff, mutual pinning, friends that act like lovers, friends/lovers.

─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | PART 4.5 | PART FIVE | PART SEVEN

─ · · A/N: don't hate me after this one please! it gets better I swear!

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🔔 (name)s_username just posted for the first time in awhile.

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Liked by co_mill, spennser, sydney_sweeney, and others

(name)s_username we win these!! (your official best supporting actress of 2025- take that haters 😘).

View all 7,342 comments

spennser so fucking proud of you, couldn't think of anymore more deserving than you 🫶

↳ (name)s_username thank you- gosh you have my cryin' again 🫶 ↳ spennser need another hug? ↳ (name)s_username yes, please. ↳ spennser running over now. 🫶

co_mill you are THEE most outstanding person I know 🥹❤️

username44 HOLY SHIT!!!

username90 I screamed at my television when i heard that you won, i love you so much (name)!!

sydney_sweeney can't believe i had the honour to work with you and i am so happy so many others got to realize the pure talent you exude. first film and first oscar of many to come, im sure of it ❤️

↳ (name)s_username sydneyyy! you can't say these things to me- i'm already a mess. the real honour was getting to know, work, and learn with you! couldn't think of anyone else i would want to work with first other than you 🥰 ↳ sydney_sweeney i need another box of tissues, i'm a mess too 😂

username01 (name)!!! OMG I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

shayne_topp do you think i could borrow that award for a smosh bit??

↳ (name)s_username ummm, sure?? should i be worried? ↳ shayne_topp 🤷 ↳ (name)s_username oh no...

anthonypadilla WTF??- nobody texted me about this earlier, holy fuck congratulations!!! 🎉

glen_powell you looked incredible while accepting that award, you are an inspiration. can't wait to see your next work and happy to know i was part of your journey ❤️

↳ (name)s_username i can't believe its over, thank you so much glenn, for everything. there's no greater first fictional "ex-husband" than you ❤️ XD

angelagiovanagiarratana theres no freaking way my best friend just did that. someone pinch me i am about to go insane /positive

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🔔 (name)s_username just posted!

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Liked by spennser, username01, shayne_topp and others

(name)s_username drunk in love... wait? or maybe just drunk...

View all 10,123 comments

co_mill teehee!! u are so cute.

sydney_sweeney me too babes, me too.

username70 wonder how long it'll be till (name) inevitably takes this post down like all the others...

username01 i have learned from my mistakes and have screenshotted every picture as photo evidence.

username66 kinda getting concerned of all the partying (name) and spencer have gotten into recently. but then again they have never experienced something like this before (on multiple levels 😉).

username30 what is even going on anymore??

username43 okay should I call 999, 911, or somethin'?

username00 never commented on anything but now. just hope you find what you need (name)...

spennser i am drunk.

↳ (name)s_username hahahhahahah! 😊 ↳ spennser 🫶 ↳ (name)s_username 🫶

username54 you both are so calling in sick tomorrow, and maybe the following few days after that.

filmingamanda text me or call me when you get back home please!

(name)s_username okay, okay, okay. ❤️❤️❤️

username90 kinda sad how they can only talk to one another when drunk, or well, you get what i mean...

↳ username23 yeah. ↳ username61 i know that feeling all too well. too scary to loose such a longterm friendship if things didn't work out. ↳ username00 but then you'll always stay dreaming, stay wondering what if it did? ↳ username61 this got deeper than I was expecting. have a lot to think about now...

username10 so... is everyone on smosh wasted?? or just these two??

─────── · ·

🔔 HollywoodNow just posted! check it out?

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Liked by username01, RomComInterviews, and others

HollywoodNow Hollywoods newest and hottest heartthrob (first/name) (last/name) was found walking around downtown L.A. with any unknown man. Spectators say they looked very "cosy" while attending a local art crawl, others account a kiss while getting coffee later in the afternoon. To get more on this story, give us a follow and read the full article on our website- linked in bio!

View all 1,991 comments

username01 i will die on this hill believing the man to be spencer. (i don't think my heart could handle it being anyone else 😭).

username88 please be spencer. please be spencer. please be spencer. PLEASEEEE 🙏😫

username94 i hate paparazzi- like leave by boy/girl (name) alone please!

RomComInterviews want to learn more about (name)? check out our interview with them on our youtube channel alongside sydney sweeney and glenn powell!

(name)s_username 😆 can't believe i have my first gossip article!

↳ spennser this is part of your peak accomplishments ❤️ ↳ (name)s_username for real- going to print this out now! ↳ smosh please stop using up the office printers ink! the art department needs it!! ↳ (name)s_username whaaattt? i'd never think of doing that... 😇 ↳ username41 umm guys? you do know this is not email or sms... right??

username20 so if (name) and spencer both commented on this post... this confirms it... right?

username49 it was going so slow and now (name) and spencer feel like they are moving through relationships at rocket speed. what. is. going. on???

username33 sometimes i wonder where my life went wrong, then i remember there are some people that have it worse out there than me, for example (name). could never imagine going out with people like they do. a real shame.

↳ username71 umm, to put it bluntly as possible, what the actual fuck?? get a life. you're just jealous that you can't pull or even be (name) or spencer. spot putting you, a disappointment, onto others in order to make yourself feel better, get help- you clearly need it. 😃

username25 i am new to this, what is a (yourshipname)? and where do you find one?

username66 please, please, please (name), star in another movie!! I am begging.

username10 does anyone know what product spencer uses for his hair? i'm looking for my boyfriend.

─────── · ·

🔔 (name)s_username just added to their story, check it out!

─────── · ·

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🔔 These tweets are trending right now, retweet it to join the conversation!

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(first/name) (last/name) @ (name)s_username · 3 days ago I should have deleted my social media accounts earlier... 🙈😭 Comment | Retweet | Like | Bookmark

.

Hollywood Now @ hollywood_now · 1 day ago THIS JUST IN... (first/name) (last/name) has just been casted in a secret Netflix series coming soon. link in bio to find out more from us first! Comment | Retweet | Like | Bookmark

.

username24 @ username24 · 12 hours ago Since nobody else is willing to start saying it #imdonewith(name). They PROMISED they would be in more Smosh productions (especially with Spencer) yet it seems they keep getting pulled away by their "acting" stuff. Like WTF do you not care about your fans, the people that gave you a platform and this career??? #imdonewith(name). You would be nothing without us

.

username44 @ username44 · 12 hours ago #imdonewith(name) like congrats I guess but what about all of us?? I mean I cannot afford to watch movies in cinemas or another subscription 😡

.

username31 @ username31 · 12 hours ago Love that at the pinnacle of their career, they are also receiving the same amount of hate. #deserved #imdonewith(name)

.

username50 @ username50 · 12 hours ago Where is all this #imdonewith(name) coming from??? When #(yourshipname)forever should be trending???

.

username39 @ username39 · 12 hours ago (name) never deserved Spencer in the first place and now they are getting in a relationship when (name) is just going to leave AGAIN?! #imdonewith(name) shame, shame, double- no triple shame on you.

.

username11 @ username11 · 12 hours ago Hate how quiet @ spennser has been recently...

.

Spencer Agnew @ spennser · just now Missing what never was. this tweet has since been deleted by the user.

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🔔 SmoshGames just uploaded! Turn off notifications here.

─────── · ·

Werewolf but Twilight Edition 🐺🩸

Smosh Pit ✓ [Subscribed] 👍 4k | 👎 7.77M subscribers 90k views 10 hours ago we all are spindermonkeys click to read more

3,139 Comments

username01 I will never forgive both spencer or (name) if they both act super distant in another video EVER AGAIN (I know it was only half the video OKAY?? BUT STILLL). It is officially illegal for you both to not act as anything other than endlessly in love with one another.

↳ username69 PREACH!!! PERIOD!!!!!

username19 And now we all slowly watch as (yourshipname) like all other ships goes tits up in flames.

username00 I don't know whats up or down, left or right anyone after watching this...

username71 so... were they *just* Bella and Edward... or did anyone else see anything, (yourshipname) forever!!

username34 this was a bit... cringe but the vibes were there... as weird as they were...

username75 so... when you "apologizing" then doing what you said you wouldn't do again?

username23 11:24 Spencer: "take all the time you need, i'll always be here, Bella" Agnew and 14:32 (first/name): "i'm listening, i hear you, and i'm sorry, Edward" (last/name).

↳ username05 but how could you forget about their line a few minutes earlier!! 12:55 (first/name) "I will be here for as long as you want me to be, Edward/Spencer" (last/name). ↳ username09 okay sure you both, but 19:41 was peak: (first/name) "theres no place I rather be than with you" (last/name) to Spencers: "I only know want for you until I have you in my arms." I REFUSE to believe this was just them in character. ↳ username07 this whole episode felt like a fever dream, for real.

username99 Damien and Ian were so fucking funny in this one, constantly chocking on the cheap wigs was legendary 😂

username74 Spencer glaring at (name) but then softening seconds after has my heart doing somersaults 💗

↳ username69 they really cannot stay mad for long at one another, its pitiful. ↳ username74 IKR? Like they sat at different ends of the table but by the end I swore they were holding hands underneath the table.

username34 (name) apologizing for mistaking the rules so emotionally to Spencer seemed way more than surface level...

username90 And this friends is the last known video evidence of (name) being a Smosh cast member before they became too "cool" for everyone and went to the silver screen.

username88 I am going to miss (name) so much!!!! 😭 PLEASE DONT LEAVE USSSSS

↳ username24 #imdonewith(name) #imdonewith(name) #imdonewith(name) #imdonewith(name) ↳ username70 get lost and get a life hater. 😃

username13 everyone speaking with a lisp from the plastic teeth made this 10x funnier 😭😆

username22 true enemies to lovers type beat in this video. At the start, (name) and Spencer want nothing to do with one another, they refuse to even look at each other and then after one acted out upon scene they are giving "goo-goo, i'm so sorry" eyes at one another before outro-ing together. These two I swear- And don't even get me started on those whispered "i'm sorrys" throughout the video. WE HEARD THOSEEE editors!!!

username20 (name).

↳ username31 spencer.

username91 im bitter. like i know its not really confirmed by Netflix or (name) yet but... like you promised? i hate sounding like a sad child.

username03 this is all to messy for my liking...

username66 wait so... what did i miss???

↳ username44 "i guess i basically missed the late eighties..."

username51 So... are they together or not? I am so confused somehow help pls 😭

username62 praying that those pictures were real. i need this to be real like i need to breathe.

─────── · ·

🔔 (name)s_username just added to their story, check it out!

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🔔 spennser just added to their story for the first time in awhile.

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─────── · ·

─ · · A/N: whew! 😥 that was a long ass chapter. what did y'all think??

─ · · COMMENTS SECTION TAGLIST: @lisiliely @missflufffanfics @little-stitious-studios @thejourneyneverendsx @sibsteria @lizzylynch1 @cryinghotmess @babble2

[drag0nalias0]

Altight been reading today so imma put my progress here

Finished chapter 46, im at that beginning of chapter 47. About 80 chapters left

46 chapters

06:23:39

6 hours 23 minutes

Alright, im gonna get round to reading mdzs now. Ive been putting it off for months but i really wanna read it before my next birthday which is a week from now.

126 chapters i think (113 main 13 extras)

[kaptainkassa]

cassian andor headcanons

notes: these are my personal hcs for cassian andor. just thought id share them because i never wrote them down before or anything aka;sfl;;

BACKGROUND

that man is AT LEAST 32

idgaf what a star war says he cannot be fucking 26 in rogue one

kenari was a matriarchal society

im probably incorrect but it seemed like there were more girls in the hunting troop he was in in the childhood flashback scenes

it's why he doesn't question vel being the leader of aldhani team or any female leader of a rebel mission. he's like yep that's normal.

also he was raised by maarva carassi andor like cmon

is still fluent in kenari

it's canon that he can speak other languages too so like polyglot!cassian yay

bee had the kenari language downloaded in his system before the empire wiped all public information about kenari

so he could communicate with cassian when he was first brought to ferrix

definitely helped bridge the language gap between the andors and cassian

also helped cassian learn basic

his culture is important to him for sure

i think in his spare time he tries to collect information about his home planet via old holobooks or even physical ones if he can find them

has kept his red and yellow stone necklace in a keepsake box for many years now, likes to take it out sometimes and just look at it.

his necklace connects him not only to his culture but to the few memories of his biological parents

doesn't remember his biological mother much but he remembers the sound of her bangles clinking together around her wrists and her smile

is a back sleeper. they slept in hammocks during his childhood and it's just something that always stuck with him

was definitely picked on at the sipo youth center

like fights in the recreational yard and kids trying to take whatever personal belongings he had on him at the moment

i think at first he kept to himself but over time he grew a small group of friends

safer in a group than on your own when going against the bigger gangs

youth center to military pipeline for sure

he would never see those friends again after the empire transferred him from sipo to mimban for their imperial military campaign

even though he went in as a cook, he still had to do basic training

i think he enjoyed cooking (as much as one can when the empire forces you to do it)

it's the act of providing for others that he likes

ALCOHOL

i hc ferrix as this blue collar community that works in either scrap metal plants or factories which means everyone's a hard drinker lol

like if you don't drink beer at the end of a long day wtf are you doin

there's also a sense of pride to be able to hold your own liquor

it's not a quality that cassian possesses lol

he's not a lightweight but he's def not a heavyweight either

prefers brown liquor over cheap beer tho

SAD DRUNK. MOODY. EMOTIONAL.

not talkative when drunk unless you're a close friend and it's just you two

but he def gets caught in his own depressed emotions and sulks

he's also down to fuck LMAO

SEX&RELATIONSHIPS

bisexual (we all knew this)

total slut (we all knew this too)

i don't think he particularly cares on being top or bottom. he's a true switch if you want to label him

has commitment issues

this is from bix's comment about him being with married women. the marriage forms as a barrier for him not to be too emotionally close to the other person

has definitely paid for sex from prostitutes because of this reason. it's just sex, nothing more. another barrier to prevent closeness

although he mostly did this when he was younger. i think as he got older he slept with prostitutes less, maybe once in awhile

he has also protected hookers from clients that were abusive as well. i can totally see a young cassian that is already filled with rage go apeshit at a customer that was acting violent towards a sex worker he knew

#respectsexworkers - cassian fucking andor

i could go into nsfw hcs but that should be its own post lol

since he and bix were childhood friends, at one point when they were teenagers they tried to date exclusively

they lasted 2 weeks. they took one look at each other and said this ain't for us

doesn't have a specific physical type that he's attracted to

characteristics wise i think he's into people that are confident and can pull their own weight but also someone he can be vulnerable with (he both yearns for intimacy and is afraid of it)

PHYSICAL TRAUMA

while in narkina 5 he received 2nd degree burns on his feet and hands due to the electric shock punishment he experienced

after narkina 5 those wounds healed but the electric shocks had some long term effects as well

sometimes cassian will involuntary jerk his body while he's sleeping

there are days where he'll randomly feel a painful fiery feeling on his feet and hands that will last a few moments before going away

the blaster wound he got in ep 3 left a scar on his arm that never faded away

[mimez-meme]

More nemuri and hizashi headcanons ‼️💜💛 +some individual headcanons, little angst.

They have kissed on the lips atleast three times. One was for a dare, one once when they were drunk and once was just for fun😭

People thought they were dating for a long time, they did pretend to date at some point but that was because hizashi and nemuri wasn’t sure how the public would react to them being gay and pansexual.

Whenever nemuri uses her quirk too much and a lot of skin is showing or just after she uses he quirk in general, if present mic is there he will give her his jacket.

After aizawa left after graduation they would have a lot of sleepovers, stay at each others houses for a while. It was how they would look after eachother. But it didn’t last long as hizashi started to get more closed off. But whenever hizashi had trouble sleeping nemuri would use her quirk on him and sing a little song. And if nemuri was having trouble sleeping hizashi woud cuddle up with her, give her some headphones to listen to some nice songs to help distract her.

Hizashi knows nemuri liked oboro and hizashi was the one to tell her that oboro liked her back after his death at some point. But he kinda regrets letting her know that.

Nemuri once sent hizashi gay corn as a joke.. hizashi was like “wtf. I didn’t know you were into that..” nemuri spent the next couple of days tryna explain to hizashi that it was a joke and that she isn’t into it. Hizashi was just laughing and making jokes about it

Sent eachother ugly characters and goes “bitch this you??” And edits of eachother or of themselves

Has a lot of ugly photos of eachother on their phones. They use them as threats.

for one Halloween they went as Harley Quinn and the joker, another as peach and Mario. (They actually did a lot of matching Halloween costumes, yes some did include Shouta.)

Raised a virtual pet together (they weren’t the best)

Midnight had the CRAZIEST hear me outs. Like she would say “hear me out!” And it would be like an monster or something 💀 Hizashi had to deal with being told hear me out like 24/7

Voiced over Barbie and Ken moments together

Nemuri use to sometimes borrows hizashi’s clothes, he just dealt with it. (Hizashi does own some baggy stuff guys) and also nemuri did sometimes borrow his suits for like days out if she feels like it 

Got nails done together and after nemuri died hizashi gets his nails how nemuri did as memory. Obviously not the exact same like not fake nails and everything but same colour and something on some nails or one representing midnight.

Nemuri once dared hizashi to show up to his English class dressed as Michael Jackson, enter the class with his music, enter moonwalking and do his little “Ow!” Thing. You bet his ass mic did it. Hizashi then also dared nemuri to show up in REALLY ugly clothes or clothes that look wrecked/dirty, messy hair and everything. Then tell the class a fake scenario to why she’s like this and play sad music as she’s telling the story. She did it.

After nemuri died hizashi went to build a bear and got a bear with her voice in it. He knows it’s ‘childish’ but it makes him genuinely happy sometimes. It brings him comfort.

Nemuri is a good painter. Nemuri paints stuff and shows them to hizashi (Shouta as well but this is about hizashi and nemuri) and if hizashi likes the painting, he’ll keep it. He has atleast 4 of nemuri’s paintings in his house. Hizashi is a decent drawer, nemuri also keept some of his drawings if she liked them. 

Once for Halloween hizashi decided to do a prank on nemuri by dressing up as scream and sneaking inside her house, playing with her lights and doing other scary shit. And since he’s good at impressions as well he managed to do a good scream impression and scare nemuri more. (I suck at explaining but it’s like those basic Halloween YouTube pranks shit idk)

Once nemuri made hizashi dress up as a girl and go to a lesbian club with her

Watched arcane together (yall im so excited for more eps)😍 Nemuri has a crush on victor, Jayce, sevika and Caitlyn, trust🙏 

I headcanon that nemuri has an older brother but she doesn’t see him a lot, so once hizashi organised something with her brother and they surprised her.

Rant about their favourite students to eachother

They played dress to impress together and they SERVED.

After Nemuri’s death sometimes hizashi goes to this one specific bar they use to usually go to for memories but he feels this empty void. Like it’s wrong to be there without Nemuri. He feels so wrong when he goes there alone so eventually he stopped because the memories also did eventually start becoming too much for him.

I headcanon that Nemuri use to work as a makeup artists when she was 18-22? And during those times sometimes hizashi would come visit her and ask for a look, mostly as a joke but he doesn’t mind getting makeup put on him. Whenever he did he would either come out looking like a clown or some kind of horror person. Very rarely would Nemuri do a good/basic look on him. Nemuri would always laugh and say “pay back for trying to distract me from work!” Or something idk

Linked to last headcanon, hizashi also use to work at a bar early 20’s and Nemuri would come visit him and either just talk to him or cause a scene/create chaos. Hizashi and Nemuri would have a laugh about it now but back then hizashi would find it annoying but also kinda funny. Nemuri did get banned from the bar for a bit but hizashi managed to get her back and then Nemuri just decided enough chaos and just came to visit. After zashi quit the job Nemuri and him would sometimes come back or just hizashi would.

They would get a lot of jokey stuff for each others birthday. Like sex books, anything dirty or just weird stuff in general but obviously proper presents to. Nemuri loved scented candles so hizashi would always get her one plus other stuff. Nemuri would always get hizashi anything music stuff or things that would help with his radio show ect.

Nemuri use to be able to carry hizashi when they were younger. (UA years)

Like Nemuri use to send aizawa pictures of cats everyday (canon, which is super cute) she also use to send hizashi memes almost every day and before oboro died she sent pictures of furries to him everyday😭

[cindersnows]

typing styles in my headcanon

TSC: The quick brown fox jumps over the dog lmao XD

starts sentences with caps usually due to autocaps, doesn't use ending punctuation very much unless excited or asking a question, but uses lots of emoticons! tends to contract words and uses lots of abbreviations, inconsistently uses apostrophes ("I don't think Im ready"), tends to use ellipses in place of commas "Guys... We had homework"), emphasizes words by talking in all caps, uses tone indicators inconsistently

YELLOW: The quick brown fox jumps over the dog, haha.

"Type like a human /lh." uses proper punctuation and capitalisation, doesn't contract words very much, doesn't use emoticons unless to look ominous ("Watch out, Green :)"), generally has more of a sophisticated vocabulary, grammar police, uses tone indicators consistently, only swears when flustered or frustrated

RED: OMG OMG. the quick brown fox jumps over the dog

"bark like a dog. ur below me moron" generally types in all lowercase except when excited or yelling, ends clauses with a full stop instead of a comma or a connector ("guys. there's a BUG. in the garden!!"), overuses all punctuation tbh, lots of abbreviations especially omg and lmfao, uses kaomojis and "owo" ">w<" instead of classic emoticons, uses u and ur instead of you, your and you're

BLUE: the quikc brown fox jumsps over the doggg XP

queen of typos especially when drunk or sad, overuses emoticons to indicate the tone of the message, uses u and ur instead of you, your and you're, shortens basically everything she says ("n then i was liek girllll ur 2 stressed chill out 4 oncee!!!! r u insane m8"), drags out words and syllables a lot when typing, self proclaimed keysmash connoisseur

GREEN: pfffttt, the quick brown fox jumps over the dog.

frequently uses onomatopeia ("pffft, hahaha, BOOM, lalalalala."), generally always uses punctuation, but capitalisation depends on who he's talking to and how desperate he is to impress them (better grammar = more desperate), drags out words sometimes when calm or upset, doesn't really use emoticons other than :/, fairly sophisticated vocabulary but very informal language ("i am trapped in some sort of fucking kafkaesque nightmare"), says chat

PURPLE: the quick brown fox jumps over the dog

dry ass texter tbh, all lowercase except when emphasizing something ("i Did Not hit her i did not"), doesn't usually contract words, rarely uses punctuation except for the occasional full stop, sometimes uses abbreviations but not often, frequently goes "uhhh" "mmmm" "hmmmm" and uses filler words often, picked up saying "chat" from green, whether he's joking or not is between him and god

MANGO: The quick brown fox jumps over the dog.

proper capitalisation and punctuation, takes 2-3 business days to respond, very ominous messages ("Goodbye Purple, make sure to watch your back." <- "chat wtf is he talking about im shaking hes so ominous"), always contracts when possible, never abbreviates

DARK: the quick 8rown fox jumps over the dog

replaces his "b"s with "8"s as well as any syllables pronounced as eight ("she 8, cmon m8") much to purple tsc and yellow's horror, sometimes uses apostrophes but sometimes doesn't, talks in lowercase usually but yells a lot, lots of abbrevi8ions i mean abbreviations, swears every other message, if he doesn't reply within 2 minutes he's in a fight, sometimes uses emoticons

CHOSEN: It jumps

texts dry as the desert, very short messages, will take an hour to respond and it will not be worth the wait, dark usually elabor8es on their behalf, capitalises and has proper grammar solely due to autocorrect, also frequently the victim of autocorrect ("What the duck I mean duck I mean fuck"), no ending punctuation

VICTIM: The quick brown fox jumps over the dog— ah fuck it i dont fieel like typing liek a normal person rn im drunk off my ass

two modes: "The public's opinion of me is very important." <- types like mango or yellow, and "dudeee idgaf abt any of them i coudl literally launch a nuke rn n kill them all but i dont bc freedom will get upset" <- typing without any effort whatsoever, extremely informal, typos galore, drags out words and uses lots of abbreviations

bonus (too lazy to give explanations, or still figuring them out):

PALEO: The quick brown fox jumps over the dog (just imitates the typing of whoever she's talking to)

HAZARD: i am not doing that (uses aac to type, still getting advice on this one)

BALLISTA: GUYSSS HOLY SHITT!!!!!! THE QUICK BROWN FOX IS JUMPING OVER THE FUCKING DOGGGGG (caps spam)

STRIKER: The rapid mahogany fox leaps over the dog. (showoff smh)

FREEDOM: The quick brown fox jumps over the dog (fairly normal, no ending punctuation)

HANGMAN: the uhhh,,,,,,, the quick brown fox jumps over the dog im pretty sure (extremely uncertain)

TYPHOON: THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE DOG :P (all caps, constantly)

[1eoness]

uhmmmm actor leon kennedy?? mayvbe

cw: dom! ooc leon kennedy x sub afab reader | no specific leon | he's kinda weird here idk | creampie | praise | mild degradation | wee bit of size kink idk

[to clarify, i am a minor (17). anyone <17 and anyone >17 uncomfortable with interacting pls dni}

a/n bc i love rambling : so uhmmm when i was writing this there was an electric explosion right outside of our house so the power's out in our neighborhood and im back in this damn cafe LMAOOO

a/n : (update lol)i wrote this like monthssss ago (wtf this sucks).. so im back nd im gonna post this bc why the fuck not it's still rllyyyy bad and a lot of word repeating but yeah just felt like posting lol

synopsis : actor!leon kennedy has been in the gig too long to deal with nepotistic, wide-eyed girls like you. yet much to his exasperation, you're just too much of a greenhorn in the showbiz world.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -you can fucking skip this part idc- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

you've only ever heard his name maybe once or twice in one of the magazines in your mother's bar. you must've read it over and over again, having to see his name and face habitually to endure the excruciating hours of working behind the bar with your phone in a locker. you weren't particularly enthusiastic about films or Hollywood or WASP families, either. but it was better than nothing.

it started like this. you were wiping the cedarwood slab that dewed with beer, when the woman who sat across you (having drunk maybe 4 pints) reached over with her veiny, grisly hands. the acrylics tapped at your temples when she held your awkward face.

said "woman" was your aunt who just got back from monaco. and she's been urging you to work with Pierce. whoever that was.

you were well content with the life you had right now. but sometimes—often in front of your vanity— you did find yourself fantasizing about the 'big city'. you caught yourself in a cliche dream but the idea was invigorating, the mere machinations of those opportunities dangled above your eyes like meat on a stick.

"..oh, but.. i don't think it's practical, you know?" you excused as you dismissed the billowing thoughts in your head. even if you had the physical assets that aligned with the director's vision, it would still feel wrong. some people go to literal schools for this stuff, don't they?

but she remained persistent. and after a low, lighthearted sigh, she continued her persuasion. "..y/n, you're a diamond in the rough." your aunt neared you, holding your hands together in a friendly hold. "..let me make it a reality for you."

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

so. were you a natural? hell no.

you're wearing a costume that you can't even touch without the stylists getting mad at you. you got harped on and poked at for so long you were starting to get a migraine. the studio refused to let up on you, jabbing at you passive aggressively until you curled like a millipede. honestly, you were more pissed than sad!

and leon? god, he was a total fucking hottie. and he was totally cold.

the director announced an hour break to everyone just before they'd jump straight to the next scene. you remained sat on one of the props, hands clasped on your lap, contemplating the choices you've made over for the 7th time today. you were fidgeting like you were anxious. you forgot how breaks felt. the luxury was there, five star hotels, velvet cushions and robes and office gossip and dinners with imported wine and cheese. but it felt like hell. working with leon was the only thing that made it even ten percent worth everything, but even he doesn't seem to like you. why was everyone so mean? fucking fair enough, you were beginning to hate this place so much you might ask for a cigarette yourself.

the petrichor mellowed through the film set, nibbling her skin with chill. nights in raccoon are cold, you needed to keep mind of that in case you decide to open your front door without a jacket. the alleyways were diffused by vapor lighting and LED signs. you also had another superficial thought. what do people on set usually do when they're on break?

you whip your head up, legs swinging slightly as you scanned the area. most of them are either adjusting equipment, going through script, or smoking one. you turned your head to your right without expecting much.

you saw leon leaning against the wall, next to the director, sharing smoke (you're beginning to see this is a trend) and cheap laughs. you were mildly surprised, not realizing they were both adjacent behind you, and you felt goosebumps rise when your eyes landed on leon. you quickly looked forward again. you didn't want to move away.

you missed leon's subtle smirk to himself when his gaze flicked to the crown of your hair. he took a puff of his stick, still sounding like he was talking to the man beside him. his eyes didn't leave you and the way you sat there like you were going to spend the remainder of your break spacing out.

leon's voice was nonchalant behind you. to you, it was faint chatter. "...life will chew you up and spit you back out before too long, but that's..."

...

was he talking to you?

leon wasn't too nice on you while you guys were on set, but he wasn't so directly mean either—emphasis on directly.

he's earned word of you from both your aunt and the director, obviously. he doesn't look like the type, but sometimes he has a knack for gossip. that's just how the nature of stardom works, doesn't it? name number #1 did this that tto name number #2, someone divorced someone, someone slept with someone—and the whole world goes aflame. he could care less about where you came from, why you're really here or who you were connected to. but something about you was thought-provoking. contrasting you, he worked for where he was. you just sat there looking pretty and snagged the role right away. maybe that sort of incompetency and oblivious audacity made you stand out from the rest. he found it pathetically attractive. you're an artless girl.

your head swiveled over your shoulder, looking behind and up at leon.

leon's eyes met your gaze halfway. "aww. is this your first big time acting gig, baby? no need to be nervous, it'll be alright." a tinge of mockery sweetened the husk of his voice. the director, who you now know is 'pierce', snickered at leon's subtle sarcasm.

the director tells him he's going to announce everyone to continue, since he wanted the rain to 'sex things up'. heaven's dew tapped lightly on the concrete as the director mounted his back off the vandalized walls, leaving you and leon alone in the same space. oh god.

for a minute you sat there quietly, letting the tension sink in upon the director leaving. you tentatively take another glance at leon. he wasn't looking at you anymore, and his hands were out his pockets as he swipes the little box open. soft brown tufts wisped when he shook his head to get the rain off his hair.

you got off the table. you walked to leon. you'd say your feet were moving on its own.

his head shifts to your direction. his bangs falling over his face. a gust of wind breezes by, and he smells deep, musky. like cardamom. cedarwood.

" if anyone's givin' you trouble on set..." leon looks down as he slips a cigarette in his mouth, rummaging in his pocket for his lighter. "you come to leon... 'kay?"

his hush voice was honeyed whiskey when it wooed at you, applying simple emphasis to his two-syllable name. leon, leon, how that name would sound in bed. there's a slight tease to his eyes, before diverting his attention to his cigarette, casting an orange glow in his palms when he flicks the lighter on with his thumb. his presence was prodding, inviting you with every inch of his body language. this man was blazing and you were a fucking moth.

he likes the way you're looking at him right now. your eyes are batting at every subtle sculpt of him. you can look away but he knows you're still thinking about him.

such a sweet thing, this one.

he decides to be 'friendlier', pitying the fact that you're obviously having a hard time socializing with the crew. "what's your favorite movie, doll?"

"mm.. i liked kill bill. and pulp fiction." you converse casually.

a name rolls off his tongue. "quentin tarantino." he nodded in what seemed like approval, watching a puddle.

you blink. "what?"

he glances at you and he doesn't reply, before leaving that wall all to yourself.

...

leon's tongue trickles with the taste of vouvray. you were art in the shadows, the honey lighting of the dimmed lamp doing nothing to illuminate leon's hotel room. your lips are glossed with his saliva, evidence of your breath went after he made out with you.

you're barely holding it, all while his big hands purchased at your flesh, drinking in the way you straddled his boner. the subtle friction where you were able to feel how big he really is intimidated you, blooming excited butterflies, your stomach fluttering at each soft push of your hips. you watched with your palms flat on his stomach, the soaked fabric of your panties collecting and staining all over his boxers as you stifled a needy whimper. "y'need it now, baby? oh, don't go soft on me now... i'll take care of you, just tell me."

his pretty baby, sitting on him and too shy to plead from the big shot. leon's hands languidly travel your skin, palms massaging up your sides. "...i-i wan' it.. i want you.. please.." you murmured hazily, leaning down to give him a soft kiss to compensate for the bashfulness that rode over your speech.

"is that right, sweetheart?" he bit his lip gently at the teasing sight, loving the way you sounded needier by the minute. "oh, baby, go on. it's all yours, yeah?.." he crooned, patting your thigh gently.

"easy, baby.. oh, there you go.. atta girl.." he groans prettily when he's muttering you through it, eyes delectably gazing at the way you sink on his length. it was cute to him seeing you not knowing what to do with your hands. but he watches you settle them on his built torso, and he could only look at you in adoration. god, he was so fucking thick and you were so highly strung..

leon's touch stroke at your knees. you aren't moving, and he looks almost amused seeing you try to render just how he feels inside you. "i can't.." he heard you murmur before you giggled quietly, to which made him chuckle as well. but the flustered laughter dies down. the actor groans, feeling your fluttering grip around his cock, making it his instinct to hold onto your waist.

it didn't take long before you started getting loud. your arousal lathered up and everytime you pump down a creamy squelch. "mhmmm... uhh, keep going.." leon whispers, and his eyes stared at where your bodies met. you could hear a soft whimper from him—vocally begging your sweet little self to go faster.

leon watches you trying to change the speed. poor girl, you looked like you were already starting to ragdoll. you resisted stopping, unable to with the way he'd rub into the right spots. leon took your small, depleted whine as a sign for him to initiate. he was just letting you have your fun. just until you'd get a bit frustrated. by this time he'd already lit another cigarette and the stick perches between his lips.

"..tiring, ain't it, sweetheart?" leon coos, feigning pity for you, fingers clutched at your hips like its his favorite thing to hold. he started to thrust up into your sopping little cunt, pulling a weak mewl out of you. there might be nothing he loves more than watching your supple frame as it bounces atop him.

"mmm.. aww 's okay, baby.. leon's got you.. mhm, that's right." he responds to every quaint sob you make. his stamina was stubborn as he gradually shifted his pace.

"nice and quiet, baby... don't want th't fucker 'pierce hearin' you..." leon almost feels like a sick fuck, pretty lips grinning slightly as he moans. "god, fuuuuck... mmmhh... uh- f-fuck!" leon almost whines before giving you a harsh thrust, as if he were desperately trying to make you his cocksleeve. if you were going to take it so well then you shouldn't be surprised at how he's gonna force you down, and keep you in place while he sluts you out.

you're murmuring something, and the words fall like blabber to his ears.

leon smiles endearingly, as if he isn't fucking you stupid right now. "mhhh.. wanna cum? you wanna cum?" leon asks as he tries to make sense of what you're saying.

and you gulp, gasping through your watering voice. "w-wanna cumm.. give it t'me-"

he tries not to laugh.

"c'mon, let me make you cum... i'll make it feel good.." leon murmurs before you could feel him pound into you, a whine dripping like syrup from your voice. your body barely keeps up. you feel tight and it's making leon's head tilt back a bit. "oh, there you go, sweetheart... atta girl.." he mumbles hazily as his mind starts to get messy.

"like that? uhuh? mmmh?~" leon moans back almost mockingly at each pleasured whine that spilled your voice. you're mindlessly pawing at whatever you can reach on leon, turning him on with your helplessness. "takin' me nice and well-..." he growls as he starts to piston up into your cunt brutally. you look cuter when you're stuffed with leon's thickness, when you're crying on what you begged for.

"leon, c-cumming" you lolled out in a low moan, head leaning slightly. "i'm gonna cum.."

he responds with a groan, hips rocking upward as he feels you clenching around him. "go on, baby, give it to me. 'm right here,"

he has you shuddering when you cum, the vibrating sensation jolting to your brain as it reeled in pleasure. it takes a few shallow thrusts to keep you satisfied but it's hard to tell when you're already sniffling and twitching on top of him. you wipe your face as you draw a few breaths. leon reaches to warmly take your wrist, thumb pressing onto your skin, feeling your heartbeat.

he watches you gather your bearings before generously caressing your hair once. you help yourself off leon's shaft and a heavy-sounding breathe escapes him in wonder.

leon whispers something once he leans into you and chucks his half-dead cigarette into the ashtray. "c'mere.." his one arm tucked around your back and eventually the other to your leg as he makes you lie down. he treats you with some sort of delicacy, at least until he doesn't.

leon tugs you closer with his arm hooked loosely under your knee, pulling your princess body in for a few intimate kisses to calm the both of you. he tastes mildly bitter. you hummed in his mouth when your lips lock together, eyes fluttering while you felt weak. leon starts muttering as he asks if anything hurts, if you're okay, if you're gonna stay here for the night. for a moment he doesn't say anything and he's just gazing down at you languorously while he breathes. he kisses one of your eyelids before he shifts.

maybe leon liked you better like this, on your fours, limping against the satin bedding as you cried and panted in a way that seemed like suffocation. his thick fingers tug at your hair once, your only teary view being the couch and the TV that dimly mirrored a reflection of you being held down be leon as he rammed into your dribbling hole tenderly. your legs occasionally kicking up against him, hitting him with your ankles as you found it hard to not writhe. he watches you peek over your shoulder, the expression in your eyes instigating struggle. "what?" leon tugs at your hair again, fighting the toothy smile from his face as he fucked you brainless. "didn't think i could make a whore out of you?"

leon lets go of your hair to rut into you with urgency. the bed was starting to jut out small squeaks from leon's rhythm. he leans closer, chewing on his lip as his eyes narrowed in pleasure. a soft growl emanates from behind you, skin on skin, breathing near your ear. the rough hands that were once planted near yours on the mattress start to grip your forearms like handles. he watches your back contort.

you jolt up as leon yielded you to his body, impaling you with his girth in a routinely fashion, urging you to cry louder. "oh, baby.." he whimpers lowly as he starts to feel himself lose control again.

"fuck, i can't.." you wail out, head hanging low briefly. he notices.

"ready to pass out, honey?" he pants softly.

you weakly shook your head.

"good girl." leon bit his bottom lip, whispering out a needy 'fuck' as he slammed into you while pulling you back. he felt satisfied by the way you yelped. his brows furrow, expression tainted with a lustful and crude color as he almost began to drool. brown strands started to get in the way of his vision. his breath is suddenly hitched, water lining his eyes as his voice turned up a note. he hisses, head tilting to the side. "fuck, fuck,-" his gruff words start to match with his thrusts. "take it- all-, yes, baby, that's a good- fucking- mnnnghh..."

it takes leon a while to recover, moaning lowly and riding his orgasm, watching you spasm beneath him while he spills inside you without much restraint. he tiredly fucks his load in you before he gives out and huffs a spent whine. he catches a glimpse of it. you're leaking white.

you're breathless, fatigued, sweating, and almost thoughtless as you catch some oxygen back in your lungs. you could feel yourself pulsating around his twitching shaft as waves of pleasure traveled your burning body. his arms loosen of their sensual hold before they catch you, pulling your weary form down to spoon with you momentarily. you can feel each other inhaling. exhaling.

a phone rang. it wasn't yours, you could tell by the ringtone. your eyes flit to see pierce's name on a default iphone screen. "i need a drink." leon exhales roughly, leaning over to kiss the shell of your ear before he reached for the bedside table to grab for his phone. he slipped out of the sheets with his phone on his ear.

[crguang]

YESS kafka's yearning is very obvious to blade, like kafka just making blade drive for who knows how long a couple times a week just for the five seconds she gets to see r through a window, bsfr doesn't she have a job as a famous musician, wtf is she getting all this time. very funny to me, just like kafka being awful at hiding her yearning is my favorite.

and if kafka and i ever got in a fight, i'd be so annoyed w her as u were saying that one time abt how she see emotions as like little details in a problem that would piss me off, but as soon as she's on her best behavior i'd fold like a shitty deck chair.

-🌠

YESSSS BLADIE KNOWS ALL ok theres actually so much to this lore, we decided blade is the most frequent victim of kafka’s sad drunk babbling about R over the years because she goes through many accomps and never finds one that sounds like them (musically). so hes heard quite a few things about them from her but only when she’s lost some of her inhibitions and he’s not one to question things but when she asks him to take a detour on the way to practice and it starts becoming routine, he just Knows someone likely caught her eye. and tbh she probably tells him at some point in a very casual sort of way as if that single meeting isnt obsessing her every day like “yeah, turns out they work at that store. can you believe it? a musician working customer service.” blade’s not surprised at all hfdgjcdsh

can’t think of a single thing kafka could do to have me be mad at her for longer than 2 days honestly. all she has to do is swipe that card and im folding 😣

[arsenicflame]

silly Izzy situation: he gets a parrot.

HE GETS A PARROT OH THIS GAVE ME BRAIN WORMS

-Stede is the one to get him the parrot- something about how hes got the wooden leg he has to complete the look? honestly izzy wasnt listening, stede was using his excited voice and izzys learnt he can zone out a bit when he gets like that. there was a hat too but that went to someone else Real quick (the parrot was trying to eat it anyway)

-i know nothing about parrots but im gonna say stede gets him an African grey. it's the goth-est parrot and they're Friends Now, hes got to give a gift that fits in with izzys Look

-when stede gives it him he protests LOUDLY but when stede gets all sad and says he will return him izzy draws a knife. wtf you can't return my gift Stede

- the parrot learns to say fuck REAL quick

-izzy learns bird care from buttons, obviously- izzy is Rules autistic he needs to know How you look after his pet. he is super rigorous with following the rules and at least one crew member has faced a tirade for feeding him something bad

-the bird rides everywhere on his shoulder. frenchie makes him a little pad so his claws don't scratch izzys leathers and so he can grip better

-he starts stroking the bird as a comfort (in Correct places, thank u buttons) he doesn't notice hes doing it but everyone else does. lucius has a sketch

-you know how some pets are like? exactly like their owners? yeah. this is the grumpiest fucking parrot and they are perfect together. he only likes izzy. after a while he mimicks izzy yelling at the crew and nobody knows what to do they all just. stare. izzy laughs.

- the parrot spends a little too much time with the swede somehow (jackies? izzy & jackie friendship my beloved i will force you in anywhere) and picks up his singing. its. something. they end up using it on raids as part of a fuckery. two haunting tones to create a sense of unreality, of being surrounded.

-i didn't give the parrot a name here because i genuinely believe izzy wouldnt give it a name, hed just call it 'the parrot', occasionally 'my parrot' when drunk. the crew call it mini Izzy.

(buttons asked the parrot its name)

-someone once gave the parrot a knife because they thought itd be funny. we do not talk about the parrot knife incident.

[quarktrinity]

quark watches star trek season 2 episode 22:

A Distress Call

we have found two hot people on this planet

oh theyre evil aliens got it. they hypnotized the crew. dang

everyone on this show is so easily tricked

yknow i feel like the enterprise has been boldly going where no man has gone before for much more than 5 years but go off i guess

once again a tos writer really wants to dom william shatner

these aliens are so op wtf

/hits the pause button on your brain/

the dude aliens deserve to be just as sexualized as the ladies. give them backless shirts too.

"we do not colonize. we conquer." explain to me the difference

shocking twist: this time kirk is being imprisoned & dominated alongside the rest of his crew!

oh ok so theres an actual reason they look like humans this time

spock stop saying "fascinating" surely there is at least one other word you know. besides "logic"

Vulcan Mind Powers

bold return of the bass guitar of narrative tension

leonard nimoy throws himself across the set

shocking twist 2: this time kirk does the shoulder-chop-knockout!

get paralyzed idiots

oh no kirk has to be punished now...

your punishment is watching your crew get fridged

not the red shirts!!! one of them was a girl this time!!!

shocking twist 3: a red shirt was brought back to life

the evil aliens are psychic octopuses in human skinsuits

strategic napping

why do the aliens care if spock dies anyway

warp 11...

our next gambit: handwaved physics

"lets blow up the enterprise to stop the aliens" lol. lmao even. kirk loves his babygirl ship more than he loves hot blondes. no way in hell he does that.

UHURA NOOOOOOOO

i am less sad about chekov getting Polyhedron'd but it is unfortunate nonetheless

lets sit the evil aliens in front of an ipad

lets get the evil aliens drunk

theres an au of this episode in which kirk has sex with one of them

oh wait that might not be an au

evil alien girl calls kirk a whore

"we are teaching the aliens about straight sex to save the universe" is the most gene roddenberry thing ive ever heard

mccoy commits medical malpractice

evil alien girl wants to dominate kirk so bad

she literally said she wants to experiment on him. this is amazing

evil alien love triangle

spock is making the boss alien jealous, but what i find funny about it is that hes implying kirk has control over the girl when its very much the other way around

The Boys Are Fighting

"im stimulating him" this is amok time all over again

evil alien girl had her femdom awakening this episode. proud of her

the evil aliens are going home

go team

[letthemkook]

wait you should drop some more lore of your ex IM SAT

omfg where do I start , I’m literally 3 months deep in therapy bc of him. i honestly think i was just with this man for his looks, he’s wasian and literally looked like a pale taehyung if i were to do a comparison so ofc my dumbass is blinded and thinks he can do no wrong for 2 years. but we would literally fight so much for stupid shit and then have hate sex and be chill. And don’t get me wrong it was good and freaky and everything but tf we obviously needed therapy. But it was obviously toxic as hell. Like I would break up with him every 3 weeks and then forgive him later on. Anyways fast forward to 5 months ago, he breaks up with me and I’m like okay yk what this is it there’s no us after this. And a few weeks goes by and I’m like not sad anymore and this man suddenly goes into a full PSYCHOSIS. And starts calling me texting me, EMAILING ME, asking for me back. I’m ignoring everything and then he starts showing up to my apartment. A few weeks ago i went outside at night and he was asleep in his car like waiting 😭😭😭 this bitch literally was sleeping in the parking lot of my apartment complex. So far he’s shown up twice, 3 if you count the car incident. And each time I’m like no, sorry please leave. And he’s like “bro hear me out.” NO. Like we’ve literally broken up and gotten back together a million times and i was so tired at that point it had been 2 years. Anyways his excuse for the last breakup was that this girl dmed him and he showed me and ignored it, and I was like haha crazy, and he’s like what do you not care?? And I was like i mean no bby i trust you, and you are a cutie I can see why people want to talk to you. I was being so nice????? And he’s like why the fuck are you so nonchalant like it’s pissing me off and i was like what… girl… and he’s telling me all this dumb stuff like I don’t care about him bcs if I did then this would make me so angry and I should’ve told him to block the girl??? And I was like ok wait wtf is going on. ur mad at me for not being mad? So I was just sick of the toxicity bcs this was literally the dumbest argument and it was literally the 3rd one in the month. Anyways he def inspired vigil jk, especially bcs he was rlly jealous all the time, and also this is rlly bad but liked to find situations where he could get me drunk ( like parties with friends, or just alcohol in general) bcs then like id be more okay with freakier sex?? Girl this so sounding like a crime but it was consensual i swear. But that’s where the aphrodisiac inspo came from in the most reason chapter. Anyways thanks for listening to my ted talk ❤️

[burgycreeper405-blog]

*passes the microphone to you* so what is your fav ii dark fic about m8

super duper glad tou asked and didn't have to make you asked that bcuz no one was asking me about it/hj djfh

but my fav darkfic is simple actually

it's about mephone4

shocker i know sjdhsj

i started reading this when i wasnt even that into mephone yet lol

i was still doing the mp4 stock image meme dance lol

i m very sad that im not sure if this would get updated cuz this was published in april and updated in april, just a few days and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i am hurt in two ways jfhdjddj

caution, there are gorey stuffs there that even if there's tags there, it still shooketh me that i was like, *"holy sh1t, what am i reading?!"* (but not in a negative way) snfhsjf

like it went from 1 - 100 real quick (spoilers, or, warning,, it's about a animal that made me go "wtf" bcuz they're robots, it's fine lmao, but animals mmmmmmmm not sure about that sirmadam djdhsjj, and it's in chapter 4)

anyways, my explanation is gonna be very messy and short so bare with me here, i just wanna get this out now bcux most darkfics are just bad/mid/weird

so, this fic is mostly a what if/au

and that what if is a "what if mp4 failed to escape meeple hq" and ii doesnt exist bcuz, mp4 never escaped,, and the sad part about it is mp4 doesnt try to escape again bcux he forgot about it, cobs made him forget everything that makes mp4 want to leave

did i mention cobs is an absolute bastard here/neg didhjs

like dude, at the start of the fic, he is drunk, and he gave mp4 a smol task

but mp4 failed that task and since he was hella drunk, he smashed mp4 using a wrench, almost breaking him permanently

the brotherly bond of 4 nd 4s really makes it feel all wowie zowie, the author wrote them greatly like holy crap bruv

there's more in that fic, i think theres like 9 chapters and it took me 2 hours to read it in one go djdha

and i think that's the end of my explanation bcux my brain is all over the place rn and i just wanna get this out so bad

i might add more in the future but sheezus, yall should read it if you haven't/nf

i want it to continue so bad but i think it’s forgotten maybe,, hopefully not cuz it was just getting more juicier jhgfj

long story short, i love this fic and im still geeking out about it, i hope i can do fanart for this soon bcux i very much want to but brain says do it later, and you should read it/nf

[user380511840]

i wana drink tonight i know i shouldn’t but i just need to so i can possibly cry like i need to let it all out man forreal idk. if im not drunk it won’t happen and even then it still may not i just wana try tho. im so sad wtf is wrong with me

[veni-vidi-vici-ous]

ok im not gomna be on here yapping anymore cause i dont got nithing good to say just sad drunk shit and remember GENNTING DRUNK ON STOLEN WINE ALWAYS LEADS TO A SULLEN TIME but like why is th e drinking age so high here like what if i dont live to 21 wtf i will make it cause i have to get to 42 and im taking 42 tabs o f acid on my 42nd birthday and did yall lnow douglas adams got to play guitar with david gilmour for his 42nd birthday also he might have had the biggest collection of left handed guitars in the WORLD!! douglas adams i s so good his brain and everything works so well amd also he was drunk when he came up with the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy he was in innsbruck and he was drunk and cradling this hitchhiker’s guide to europe watching the stars wiggle abov e his head and he was like “wow someone should make a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy” and he did like a few years kater he was writing this radio show where the earth ends in a horrible way in every episode and he wqs like well who would care about the earth perhaps someone researching it for a guide, which the hitchhikers guide is more popular than the encyclopedia galactica for two reasons one is its slightly cheaper and the other is it has the words DONT PANIC written in large friendly letters on the cover also zaphod is pookie hes the best charavter in the whole trilogy hahaha please tell me yall know what im talking about rn

[anastachord]

wtf ao3 tags

erotic asphyxiation

car stuff

afterbirth as lube

where I have basically taken the canon out back and shot it

Exhaust pipe penetration?

Inappropriate conversations about vaseline

sand

Chicken (singular)

Misuse of highlighters (not sexual)

kids don't try this fuckass communication at home

Accidental cult acquisition

direct quote from my notes "for medical reasons im gonna need you to suck this ra ca ca"

Unorthodox use of jellybeans

The pope queerbaited us so I wrote this to cope

i bring you the p in pining: pain

Rats

getting hit by cars

improper use of religious items

Jeffry Bezoz

mutated peen

eroticised arithmancy

I STILL SEE YOUR SHADOWS IN MY ROOM

fyi Julia Roberts came to me in a dream and told me STDs don't exist in the PW metaverse

harm to fish

the author is mildly traumatized and would like you to be as well

gratuitous social reform

talk of laundry and then not doing said laundry

That awkward forced car conversation that you can't escape from

mention of one (1) chicken

the inherent anxiety of sending an email

[clenches fist] its about the being enamoured with each other

Ferns. A Lot of Them

victorian obsession with tuberculosis

lube injected?? into the urethra lol

Platonic daddy kink

pain but like the funny kind

also a possessed squirrel

if you like to eat broken glass this is for you

Strangers to something else I don't know what yet

I looked up octopus anatomy and then bent it to my will

self-worth issues like woah

mushroom soup

How to be an adult and fail at it

the intrinsic horniness of applying insect repellent to your best friend's back

Murder of the English Language

fake dating but in a REALLY stupid way

you've heard of netflix and chill, now get ready for gbbo and sad gay pining

this was supposed to be funny but then i killed someone

No Beta - Transformed Into A Hat

Asinine flirting

They get divorced but not really

trying to find the perfect balance between ha ha ha and boo hoo hoo

clownsexuality

I Treat Canon Like A Buffet But In A Gentle Way

Please understand I was drunk when I wrote this

third banananananaan

eroch is a bitch, this really doesn't have anything to do with the story i just hate him

Rated B for Bullshit

gay people

Stabbing yourself into a relationship

Not so epic fight on a tall cvs building

author is mentally stable (I think)

platonic servitude (for now)

Stickshift Jobs

god watches reality tv

consentual dinosaur sex - Freeform

sexy biggie cheese

dirty talk involving dragons

There is a child who dies

cats but the good kind not the 2019 musical

baking bad

Jesus is an Among Us crewmate

this is pure me vomiting on my keyboard to the tune of mutual pining and then posting it

bootlicking, but... not boots.

princess kink?

scoobay

A ludacrious section of the word count spent describing baked goods

war zone meet cute

demonic asthma

flirting in inappropriate situations

will smith fish

Kanye West as Oreos

vodka baptism

beet play

russian presidents

Elmo is a raging homosexual

nae naeing

improper use of a gourd

onion suit

Communist Sonic

questionable canonical accuracy

Two bros making out but its not gay

I Can't Believe I Wrote Porn About Our Founding Fathers

dead cheeto

greg - Fandom

giantdongs

holy water as lube

Pinecones

Ebola - Freeform

sexy bugs

vergin mary

magic ice dildo

head explode

Jesus sounds like Danny devito

cows - Character

united states of horse cock

unsafe impromptu skydiving from airborne blimps

minnesota state prison facility host club

sneeze kink

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

glass

there is no God only Goose

splish splash in the bath tub

Birth in a waffle house

pringle man

evil pig

butter rain

A velociraptor with a pizza fetish

aggressive honking

stealing shit

I plotted this all out in a notebook while waiting 4 hours at T-Mobile when my phone was fried

plant rescue operation

Bowser purrs

glue factory

qustion mark

you ever just start a civil war?

gay legos

plastic wrapped barnes and noble book

i spoke to god

Canon is a dartboard and I am drunk and blindfolded with no dart

crabs

you ever just blow out the side of a pirate ship with a big fucking canon?

Consensual Kidnapping

idk what i'm doing but im having a rootin' tootin' time

the fuck is a cuckoocest???

human jungle gym

waffle fries

essays about toilets (threat)

Banana smut

The Grinch goes to therapy

blood is finger licking good

I would be happy to turn them into a soup

Unhinged and morally questionable but otherwise extremely healthy relationships

Sooooo many peanuts

held at gunpoint to lovers

vegan jesus

intense handholding action

Sandwich Denial

War On Pillows

canon typical random explosions

pining of the loins

inappropriate use of dolphin anatomy

richard nixon/wallis simpson

general narrative stupidity

i like how i just tagged it as CPR, like this is not a manual on how to do CPR, seek help elsewhere

Inaccurate descriptions of jobs and other things that I got off Google

no one hurts the beans

Erotic Handholding

F in the chat for my FBI agent who watched me type this for a fanfic in my search bar, and then go back to finding ways to kill people

[spiralescalators]

episode 8!!

- his secret is going to change to her secret at the end mark my words

- i was burning insideeeeee stop

- ok this is embarrassing but great yes keep talking

- nooo birthday gift gate is so sad, be nice to your mom seunghyo

- this dad is so boring. Everyone needs to get drunk and yell in this house like seungryos family

- omggggg these kids are sooo everything to me they really sell it. Baby seungryo is the cutest thing I’ve seen

- hahaha this is like one of us from mamma mia! 2 here we go again love

- I support her right to look cute bc she wants to but her dress was prettier yesterday

- their banter is everything I hope they don’t stop talking again

- lmao expiration date lovelovelove

- she’s down bad

- is this shop lady a cameo? I don’t know her but still I laughed

- I’ve got butterflies too omg

- these pushups are embarrassing get up. Idk why but I really can’t stand Mr reporter

- the return of the English 🙄 please not again

- this crop sweater is very weird

- fuck off ex bf. u can’t do this. Also he’s so boring do something interesting with ur face

- who’s gonna drink this auspicious milk by accident. Chekhov’s expiration milk

- this argument is needed, let’s clear the parenting air. No no what do I mean live like me???? Guys no this is bad

- yes dads! Let’s get emotionally vulnerable

- ok im bored now, lily of the valley we get it

- idk what’s going on with this sickness argument. Seems like a portent of bad things to come

- no I don’t like this love triangle vibe. Get out of here Mr guy

- moms friends sons ex girlfriend is so hot

- yes boy! The reason I can’t be seokryos friend isn’t bc she’s a women it’s bc she’s seokryo yes yes yes yes

- wait she still didn’t tell her parents about cooking

- oh this is a shit show

- 😬

- dongjin now is not the time go to your room

- she’s such a dream girl

- so this is why he’s got a kitchen

- idc about the paramedic news story

- divorce :(

- this guy can’t walk around without thinking about her. Oh no Mr man step off. We’ll serve you with love and care no thank you

- haha seunghyo killing this man in his mind during a meeting

- wtf contrivance rat poison?

- oh no these guys don’t have business talking without her

- this is #uncomfortable guys get out of the kitchen

- shut up about healthy shit shut up ahhhhhh toy story ahhhhhhhhh get fucked Mr us

- love moeums dinner sweater. Love her. She could have easily been the lead of this show actually #i t g I r l

- “I’ve never seen her impressed with a real man”moeum lesbian confirmed.

- ideal relationship? Then why’s it over?

- no no no no sickness no no no no

- ah fuck.

- hate x20000000000000

- seung hyo 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺