#like they share a child a home a village a job a mindset so many jokes and everything and just because it isn’t romantic doesnt make it any

[lunarlivs]

cue a very uncomfortable jack having to tell him boyfriends dad(s) to come out to said boyfriend

[ljf613]

So could you please explain Sessrin to me? I'm not in the fandom nor have I watched the show but from what little I've been told the antis (as usual) have completely mischaracterized the whole thing.

P. S. Can we please ban grooming from the fandom lexicon? It lacks semantic meaning other than age gap bad.

Well, it’s been a while since I last saw/read Inuyasha, and I’m super-behind on Yashahime, but I do love SessRin and am pretty bummed about the amount of hate this ship has been getting lately, so I’m going to do my best to share why I love these two so much. 

First off, anyone who uses the word ‘grooming’ either doesn’t know what that word means, or was not seeing the same story I was. The definition of grooming is “befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse.” This never happened. Sesshomaru did not look at this traumatiized child and go “hmm, how I can I best get her to trust me so that I can convince her to sleep with me” or whatever-- in fact, a large part of their dynamic is Rin choosing, over and over, to stand by him even as he is actively trying to push her away. (And considering that I suspect many of these antis are also Sesshomaru fans, the fact that they’re so quick to launch such a serious and out-of-character accusation at him is rather strange.) 

Here’s their story in a nutshell (and, again, I may be slightly misremembering details, it’s been a while): Rin, whose entire family was slaughtered by human bandits, comes across Sesshomaru in the woods and is initially terrified because, you know, demon. However, despite her fear, she realizes that he’s been injured and incapacitated, and does her best to try and help him (cleaning his wounds, getting him food and water, etc).  Sesshomaru, who, up until this point, has been a fairly typical demonic antagonist with your standard mindset of, “humans are stupid, selfish, and weak,” is understandably bewildered by this, and tries to scare her off. It doesn’t really work. This goes on for some time. (Several days? Weeks? IDEK.)  One day, after Rin returns to her village, a tribe of demons arrives and kills everyone. Rin tries to run back to the woods and escape, but the demons eventually catch and kill her. Sesshomaru finds her body, and, for some reason even he doesn’t understand, decides to use his magic sword that brings people back from the dead (yes he has one of those) to revive her. (This is significant because up until this point he has never even used the sword, as he hated the fact that he’d gotten the stupid healing sword while his little brother got the cool, killing sword.)  And Rin, who has no one left and no home to go back to, decides to travel with him.  (One of the interesting things here is that, despite the fact that she was killed by demons, Rin is actually more afraid of humans, because they’re the ones who murdered her family.) 

Their relationship throughout the course of the story is fascinating. At first glance, it might seem like Sesshomaru is always the one saving her, but she saves him too. Rin forced him to acknowledge that the world wasn’t black-and-white, that humans were complex, that just because he didn’t like someone or something didn’t mean it didn’t have a right to exist. Sesshomaru’s arc is subtle, but by the end of the story, he’s fighting side by side with the heroes-- something that would never have happened if he hadn’t met Rin. 

Now, the thing here is that, for most of the story Rin is eight years old. Their relationship is never, ever shown as sexual, but there’s clearly love there, and the implication the story ends with is that they will likely get together once Rin is older. I’ve heard antis say that they read the relationship as being more along the lines of “Sesshomaru ‘adopts’ Rin,” which explains a lot. However, I personally never saw it that way. They were partners-- just because Rin didn’t take out a sword and fight off anyone who tried to hurt Sesshomaru doesn’t mean she she was primarily on the receiving end of the relationship.  (In a story about battling evil, where nearly all of the characters are these awesome fighters, it’s pretty cool to see a character who is not a warrior, who just gives and loves and trusts and cares, and is never treated as lesser by either the characters or the narrative because of this. I really love Rin.) I think it’s a cultural thing-- people are used to the narrative of ‘coldhearted bachelor meets and adopts lovable scamp who reminds him how to love again’ and are primed to see it even in a story from an entirely different culture set five hundred years in the past. 

(Part of it is also about shipping wars-- many of the antis ship Sesshomaru with other characters, particularly Kagura, and would rather make the argument about morality versus just saying that they would prefer something a little different.) 

Here’s where I admit it gets a little bit sticky: How much of this is Rin just imprinting on Sesshomaru and using him as an excuse to avoid her trauma surrounding other humans?  And the narrative did a great job of resolving this dilemma. Near the end of the story, Rin leaves Sesshomaru. She goes to live among humans, to learn how to be human again, so that once she’s an adult, she has the agency to make an informed decision about what she really wants. 

There happens to be an audio-drama CD that was released in Japan sometime after the show ended, which is set just after the original story ends (when Rin is eleven). In it, Sesshomaru says something to Rin which is referred to by one of the other characters as a ‘proposal.’ Now, I don’t follow anti discourse, so I’m not sure if they know about it, but I can imagine they’d have a field day with that one. “Omigoodness, he proposed to an eleven year old, that’s so creepy.”  However, there’s some context involved. The word ‘proposal’ is used by one of the other characters-- who happens to have time-travelled from five hundred years later (that is, the present day). The whole plot of the CD starts when she complains to her husband/lover/whatever-their-relationship-status-is-supposed-to-be that he never actually proposed to her, and since he doesn’t know what a proposal is (because, again, culture gap), he thinks it’s some sort of monster she wants him to go fight for her before they can actually be married, and hilaraity ensues. She calls Sesshomaru’s words to Rin a proposal as in “see, that’s what a proposal is supposed to look like.” It has very little to do with SessRin in and of themselves. 

For reference, here’s what Sesshomaru actually said in this so-called ‘proposal’ (thanks to @inu-drama for the translation): 

“Rin, have you grown accustomed to life in the village?  No one is bullying you or anything?  Did you make a kimono out of the cloth I gave you the other day?  When you are troubled, or anxious, or sad, or any other time, feel free to call on me.  I will come to you immediately.  Even if we are far apart, if you call my name I will absolutely come flying to you.  If you cannot speak, you can whistle. Whistle through your fingers, if you like.  Distance is no object. Our hearts are tied together.  With the power of trust, there is nothing to fear.  Simply having that feeling should be enough to fill your heart.  That is why it is fine for things to remain as they are for now.  We have plenty of time.  You can examine your heart at your own pace.  Until then, take care of yourself.” 

(Is there something inherently creepy or predatory about that?) 

To me, SessRin is about love, in its purest form. It’s about believing in someone when the rest of the world is against them. It’s about choosing the person who chooses you. It’s about learning and growing and changing together. 

What’s that quote-- I think it was from Dawson’s Creek or something?  “What's a soulmate?” “It's uh... Well, it's like a best friend but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself - because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did, or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you will always love them. Nothing can ever change that.” Yeah, that one. That’s what SessRin is about. 

[chaoswillfallrpg]

MILLICENT BAGNOLD is SEVENTY-ONE YEARS OLD and the MINISTER FOR MAGIC at THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC. She looks remarkably like MERYL STREEP and considers herself NEUTRAL. She is currently UNPLAYABLE.

→ OVERVIEW:

Born in a small cottage in the Cotswolds, Millicent had no idea what lay ahead of her. Her wizarding village was small and was mostly overgrown, a place where sorcerers go to retire. Her parents owned a simple antique bookshop and led simple lives, never leaving the village unless absolutely necessary. Regardless of this quint upbringing, Millicent’s spirit refused to be contained and lept at any opportunity that would mean freedom. Ambitious, dedicated and intelligent, she was soon sorted in Ravenclaw where her fellow Ravenclaw students would only push her to be better, be greater. At heart, Millicent was a perfectionist, and thus pushed herself beyond her boundaries constantly. She never shied away from a challenge, taking on extra assignments and proving that she was right when she was questioned, even by professors. This, of course, gained her a reputation as a girl that was bossy, pushy and a know-it-all. This upset her as she knew that if she was a boy, she’d be seen as intelligent with good leadership potential. Thus, ever since her early days at Hogwarts, she swore that she’d become a great leader to prove that women could do everything a man could do, but better. 

It wasn’t common for women to be in places of power then, there was a huge bias against women and many shook their heads at any woman that attempted to break the mould. Millicent realised that in order to be respected like a man, she’d have to act like one. She began to watch men around her, the arrogant boys in her class, the respected professors, the head boy, anyone she deemed successful or someone who influences others around them. She would learn how to act to gain respect and what not to do. She noted that one of the most intimidating professors never raised his voice, causing others to constantly lean in to hear him. She would use these tactics she had learnt and apply them to her personality. Surely but slowly, she did gain respect from many, but others also felt threatened by her. And so the vicious circle of respect and despise that would follow her through life began. One key aspect she had that many others did not was that she was sure of herself, she never simply took an order from anyone without questioning it first. She wasn’t insecure about her identity or her abilities and skill set. This allowed her to push further in life and prevented anyone from walking over her. 

Whilst not making many friends in Hogwarts due to her academic-orientated mindset, she had made a connection with RUTHERFORD BAGNOLD, a Gryffindor boy who admired her courage and determination. Whilst during Hogwarts they kept things platonic, as the two aged their love for each other grew. Both Career-orientated, with Millicent working as junior undersecretary to the Minister for Magic and Rutherford in the magical invention industry, the two would both arrive home late from work, their lifestyles complimenting each other perfectly, causing no tension between them. Each understood what it was like to be career orientated and respected each other's decisions. During her position as junior undersecretary, Millicent learnt another valuable lesson, that time was valuable and that it should not be wasted on unnecessary questions or conversations. She began to build an encyclopedic knowledge of the ins and outs of the ministry and along with her perfectionism, she began to run a tight ship. It wasn’t long until she received a promotion to senior undersecretary. She loved her job, and sure, she was the second-best to a man, but she had gone further than she could have hoped for and already had an impressive influence over the ministry staff. She attended meetings and press conferences with HAROLD MINCHUM, the current Minister for Magic at the time and learnt everything she could from him.

It was at this point where she finally felt comfortable enough to start a family. It wasn’t long until Rutherford proposed, they had a fairytale wedding that pleased both families at a picturesque garden pavilion. The newly-wed couple moved into a house in Wimbledon and gave birth to their first son, HARRISON BAGNOLD. As much as Millicent loved Harrison, he was a difficult child and having to make more time for her personal life wasn’t on her agenda. Rutherford wasn’t much help either and the pair came off very cold towards their son. Looking back Millicent regretted not being there more for him and this definitely reflected in how the couple treated their second son, BOOKER BAGNOLD. They took time off their now well established careers and invested it into him, taking the pair to Quidditch matches and giving Booker the freedom he needed away from Millicent’s work events, the same events that Harrison now attended by choice. They were both proud parents when Harrison received his letter to Hogwarts, in the hopes that it would mould him into a better man than they had been so far. What felt like a couple of years passed and soon Booker was attending Hogwarts too. The couple quickly adapted to their children not being at home again and threw themselves back into work, which quickly paid off for Millicent.

She was promptly promoted to Advisor to the Minister for Magic. It was at this point that small cases of missing sorcerers started popping up, a trend formed and Harold Michum decided to allocate an Auror team to investigate the disappearances. Millicent held multiple meetings with ALICIA AVERY-JONES, the Head Auror at the time. The two women appreciated each other as powerful figures and there was a silent agreement between them to support each other when it was needed. Other officials that Millicent befriended included ADRIAN SKEETER, the Head of Public Information Services, THIEBAUT LESTRANGE, the new Senior Undersecretary, HARRELSON SELWYN, Head of the International Confederation of Wizards and BARTEMIUS CROUCH SENIOR, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Whilst practicing what she had preached to Harrison, networking way key and whilst Millicent never wished anything on Harold, she knew that he wouldn’t be the minister forever and she wanted to be prepared for when he stepped down. She saw life as a chess match, placing her pieces in precise locations and waiting for the perfect timing for everything to call into place like a chain of dominoes. It wasn’t long until the stakes began to rise, missing cases turning into murder cases and auror’s going missing and with that, Harold jumped ship like the coward Millicent knew he was and retired. 

In 1980 Millicent was appointed Minister for Magic. Her carefully orchestrated plan had worked and well placed friendships voted her into power. Harold’s legacy had been that he had run a tight ship, however all those that had known Millicent knew that it had been her ship all along. She had proved all those that had doubted her wrong and more importantly, proved to herself that she was capable of achieving her dreams and more as long as she put her mind to it. She knew what the press would say about her, a cold-hearted woman, a dismissive perfectionist. She was ready for this, she knew that these were the words that would be used to describe her instead of powerful and wise, calculated and clear. But she was also prepared for the radical sacrifice as she wasn’t just the Minister for Magic for herself, but for others too. For the wizarding community who ultimately she served. She had pledges to create a new path for all, a more integrated society, a more inclusive community. She knew that not everyone shared these views and that it may be slow but who better to make these changes than the Minister for Magic. Her job wasn’t going to be easy and she knew that, she had been paying attention to the ever growing darkness and was ready to stand her ground against whatever this so called Dark Lord had up their sleeve.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → She/Her

Identification → Cis Female 

Sexuality  → Heterosexual

Relationship Status → Married to Rutherford Bagnold 

Previous Education → Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Ravenclaw)

Family → Rutherford Bagnold (husband), Harrison Bagnold (son), Booker Bagnold (son)

Connections  → Thiebaut Lestrange, Molly Prewett, Alicia Avery-Jones, Harrelson Selwyn, Adrian Skeeter, Bartimus Crouch Senior, Celeste Maxime, Tiberius Mclaggen

Future Information → N/A

MILLICENT BAGNOLD IS A LEVEL 9 WITCH.

[lazuliblur]

Hello. When I found your blog, I pegged you as someone who had a rather deep understanding of what Team Minato's members were like, based on your posts. I wanna ask you opinion, if you don't mind. Madara's expert brainwashing aside, do you think Obito is weak for giving up what he believed in because of the event of Rin's death? And do you think he is weak for abandoning the Moon's Eye Plan after everything with Naruto?

Hey there! First off, omg! Let me just say that you are a super talented artist and I’m in awe of your expressive style, but I still haven’t quite forgiven you for crushing my heart to bits with those beautiful team Minato drawings of yours from a few days back! ❤

Secondly, ahhhh, I don’t know that my understanding is all that deep. I just love these kids and identify with Obito in a way that I’m not sure is entirely medically advisable, so I also have a very personal opinion about them. You’re welcome to agree or disagree with it. I’d love to hear your own take on the subject!

I don’t really know about weakness/strength. You can define those traits in so many different ways. Strength is most often associated with resillience and steadfastness, but sometimes it takes more strength to change than to remain as you are, so that doesn’t work as a definition. Strength can mean folding and weakness can be standing your ground when change is the preferable action, but who’s to say what’s right or wrong (especially in the Naruto world where every one of these guys, even the so-called cinnamon rolls like Minato, have extremely skewed moral views)? I prefer to think of characters in terms of how good they are at following through with what they believe is right and in terms of how justified/coherent/sensible their reasoning for considering something “right” is. That’s what I’ll consider strength in my answer. That said, let the magic of the read more cut begin because this got long.

Was Obito weak for losing faith in the world after Rin died? Well, let’s face it: Obito is not the most refined thinker. He has a tendency to exaggerate and think of the world in extreme terms. (Uchiha’s “curse of hatred” at work right there. These guys have zero chill, they just feel things too damn much, too damn deep!) Rin’s his best friend, so she’s “his one light in the darkness”. Kakashi and he don’t always get along, so they’re “like water and oil”. The shinobi system is broken, so clearly the only thing to do must be to raze it down to subbasement levels and start anew with something completely different!

When you think about all the things that Obito did after becoming Madara, putting aside for a moment the fact that his deeds were incredibly reprehensible from a moral standpoint, you have to admit that Obito accomplished so much. He was tireless. That was pure strength and unwavering determination. Because Obito is the kind of guy who, once he gets something in his head, follows through with it.

Obito, like Kakashi and every other kid in Konoha in their generation (and those before), was a child soldier. Naruto’s generation, the offspring of these child soldiers, the first to not have to worry about going to war in the history of Konoha, were spoiled by comparison. We have no way of knowing what kind of methods Konoha used to prepare these kids before dumping them in the middle of a battlefield, but it could not have been pretty. (Minato admires A for acting like a “true assassin” ffs!) Indoctrination is a pretty staple procedure, so we can assume that happened. Propaganda is also standard during war time. It helps people feel better about themselves if they paint the enemies that they’re going to have to kill as little more than animals and devils.

My point is that, by the time Obito went out to Kannabi Bridge, Konoha had already sufficiently motivated him to want to change the world and make it a better place. He wanted to do it from within Konoha (by becoming Hokage) because he believed with his whole heart that his village was a good place (see: indoctrination). He also wanted to do this with his friends beside him (when he wakes next to Madara, one of the first things he says is that he’s glad that his teamwork with Kakashi is going to improve now that they share sharingan).

Madara chipped away at Obito’s beliefs and forced him to let go of the rose-tinted lenses with which he perceived Konoha, so that he wouldn’t want to return home or keep the village as it was. Madara made a nihilist out of Obito using nothing but logic. He posed the question: if not for Konoha, would your friends have been in that dangerous situation? And the only answer to that was no. Then Madara used the fact that Obito was accustomed to Konoha asking him to sacrifice himself for the good of others to ask him to do the exact same thing for himself.

In a way, Madara did Obito a favour by breaking him out of that close-minded way of thinking that Konoha could do no wrong. Freedom of thought and child soldiers are not two things that typically go well together, you know? On the other hand, Madara took advantage of the mindset that Konoha had instilled in Obito to get him to do what he wanted without Obito realising it.

I believe that Obito showed strength here. He became convinced that the world needed to be made better and he sacrificed himself – his identity, his nature, his connection to his remaining friends – to make sure that it happened.

Obito was not weak for opening his eyes and seeing the world for what it truly was. He was a little weak in accepting Madara’s Moon’s Eye Plan as the only way to fix it. That was naïve of him. However: he was a child soldier who was just learning to think for himself. It would be unreasonable to expect him to be able to start thinking about everything at once. He had to take baby steps. (Besides, he eventually started to add his own changes to the pre-established plan, diverging from Madara’s orders and showing that he didn’t necessarily agree with everything that Madara said.)

What does that amount to? I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, he was both strong and weak here, but he went on to build himself into a strong character over this weakness.

Regarding Obito’s abandonment of the Moon’s Eye Plan after Naruto’s Talk no Jutsu… I’ll be honest. I hate that so much that I rage quit the manga when it happened. I only picked it back up because a friend told me that Obito was doing awesome things with Kakashi and that Rin had made some sort of comeback. And, yes, seeing Obito and Kakashi fight side by side one more time was cool, but… it just wasn’t the same. That wasn’t the Obito I’d come to know any more. His character was done a huge disservice at the end there. The overall story’s need to make Naruto the saviour robbed Obito of the ending he deserved. I would have liked Obito to reach a compromise with Naruto et al. that was like “ok, Madara’s methods are messed up, I see that now, but I have valid questions that will be addressed after we’re done taking him out.”

(Because Obito didn’t really like Madara, you can tell. My guess is that Obito would have rathered bring the old man back to life just before casting the genjutsu, so that Madara could have his happy ending, but no chance to interfere with Obito’s plans. At least, he didn’t seem thrilled that Madara was brought back as an Edo Tensei.)

I get why the plot required Naruto’s TnJ to work and I get why Naruto had to be the one who changed Obito’s mind (because he’s the freaking messiah who can never fail!!one), even though Naruto had no connection to Obito and they were nothing alike aside from the fact that they were lonely as children and wanted to be Hokage (FOR TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASONS!!one *ahem*) Kakashi’s the one who should have had that conversation with Obito (and I will forever be salty that Naruto 100% shut down Kakashi’s attempt to do just that when they first unmasked Obito).

I also understand that Obito was emotionally worn down by this point. He sought out Naruto during the 5 Kage meeting to reaffirm his purpose, so, yeah, Obito had doubts and he took that moment to assure himself that he was on the right path. Naruto was too stupid/concerned about Sasuke to realise that this was his chance to have a heart to heart with Obito and talk him out of his plan before anyone else died, and Kakashi was too much of a ninja, focused on his one job – to kill the enemy/protect Naruto – to consider it a possibility. Towards the end, Obito was also tired from fighting Kakashi and dealing with Kabuto. It’s at the moment right before a plan comes together that it is most frail and most susceptible to falling apart.

Anyway, Obito started out the war stronger and more committed than ever before: he had triple checked himself to make sure that his cause was right and no one had been able to deny that the ninja system was messed up. Even the good guys (barring Naruto), while talking amongst themselves, were all kinda “yeah, well, uhm, yeah, someone should do something about that”. Due to the plot’s need to make Naruto look strong, though, Obito had to be made weak, even though this volte face went entirely against his character. You do not spend years committing horrible acts that contradict your nature (Obito’s true nature was kind) because you feel that there is a problem that needs fixing, only to turn around at the last moment and let a 5 minute conversation with a stranger convince you that that issue you were so desperate to correct never needed addressing in the first place.

Bottom line, Obito was a strong character made weak at the very end by shounen plot requirements (though if Fullmetal Alchemist has taught us anything is that you don’t need to sacrifice character to have a satisfying ending and genre is no excuse for poorly executed plot).

[rockthecotswolds]

Rocking Day in the Life of…

The Goldens at Home

Sophie and James Golden moved from Hertfordshire to Chipping Norton with their three children.  Sophie works in fashion retail and James is a personal trainer, with clients in London and the Cotswolds including Daylesford and YOLO fitness retreats.

So Sophie and James, you both have your hands full with clients, work, retreats, blog writing and kids …. how do you manage to get it all done? No sleep?

Life is very intense in the Golden household, with all of our activity revolving around our passions in life which are fitness, good food (healthy), working on projects, socialising and most importantly family. Everything we do is joint venture based as we work in complete partnership. The last decade has been a whirlwind for us but in a good way.  A total adventure which keeps life fun and interesting.  During challenging times, we have always stuck together and found a solution.  

We do set ourselves mini objectives each month and one of which is to have a date night which is where we can switch off and just enjoy each other’s company.  We both thrive off each other’s energy and are just highly active people with a desire for success. During our life together, we have established our own recipe for work, life balance which works for us. The blog writing is something we have both got into since relocating here and has essentially become a hobby.  James (also know as The Fitness Pro) has often written features in fitness publications and is used to sitting in front of the PC to express his views but it has been a new venture for me which I am really enjoying.

When did you move to the Cotswolds, where were you before and what made you move?

Our families are from London but we were both raised in Watford which is where we met and spent our first years together as a couple.  James set up his first personal training studio in 2006 In Amersham, Bucks and we decided to move to be closer to support growth of this business.  We lived in a little Buckinghamshire village called Chalfont St Giles, near to Beaconsfield from 2010 to 2017 with all of our children being born here.  Neither of us were raised in a village, totally the opposite in fact but we fell in love with village life and it was what we wanted in terms of raising our children.  

Our attachment to life here in the Cotswolds developed after the birth of our first daughter – Ava, as we frequently came for long weekends to escape the stresses of running our business at the time.  We married in the Cotswolds and we both shared the vision that life for us would take us here eventually, which it did in July 2017. 

The personal training studio had developed into a much bigger enterprise during the 10 years since setting it up, but it wasn’t the dream for us anymore and we wanted to part company to start a new life away from the stress that it created.  The Cotswolds presented our dream life with three children, and we started to explore the idea in early 2017 but little did we know at that point we would actually be brave enough to make the move that summer.  

What’s been the best thing about moving here and what’s been the hardest?

The move to the Cotswolds has exceeded our expectations in so many ways. It is one thing having this dream of a perfect country life, it is another actually going through with it. Fortunately for us the move has paid off in so many ways and it has turned out to be the best thing for our family. To be surrounded by beautiful countryside, great pubs, excellent schools are just a few reasons why we love the Cotswolds! 

It did take 12 months to settle and find our feet, but I can confidently call it home now! The hardest thing about relocating was moving away from family and friends for sure. The spontaneity has gone but we all make an effort to visit each other and we often have our parents and siblings to stay for the weekend with us and have some much-needed quality time with them all.

Sophie - tell us move about ‘Love Bombing’ with the kids - we spotted that on your blog.

Being a mum of three can be full on at times and I think it is vital to allocate some regular one-on-one time with each child. Each one has different needs and requirements, and while it is great fun being part of a big family, sometimes it is good for some time alone with mummy and daddy which can be as simple as just taking them for a pizza or a hot chocolate. 

For me it is the small things that a make a big difference to little people, as simple as just walking along holding hands, giving them your undivided attention, talking about school, finding out about what they enjoy doing and just making that time all about them!  James and I both make a conscious effort to create regular time for each child to make them feel special and to have some much needed ‘love bombing’.

What’s a fairly typical morning and afternoon for you both?

A typical morning in the Golden household is an early one. James is up and out of the house at the crack of dawn most days to train his first clients either in London and now here in the Cotswolds. I have the challenge of getting the kids dressed, fed, and out the door for school / preschool, with a strong coffee in hand! I work from home one morning a week and on Thursdays and Saturdays I clock off from ‘mum duties’ and get to spend the day working at the beautiful Law & Co boutique in Stow on the Wold. 

When I am not working, you will most likely find me in the kitchen, I absolutely love cooking and creating healthy recipes for the family! James and I try to meet up for coffee or lunch in between James’s client sessions and project commitments which include YOLO retreats and creating fitness content for events. At the end of day after all of the school drops offs and pick ups, after school clubs, homework and work commitments, we try most evenings to all sit together around the table and have dinner often enough with a well deserved g&t (although not on a school night!).

What would you say about the work/life balance of being in the Cotswolds?

It is so easy to become submerged in work and the daily stress of life which we have both done in the past, however since moving here we have both changed our mindsets and found the ideal equilibrium. We have established what feels like the perfect work / life balance and subsequently have become a much stronger, happier family unit as a result.

We always used to reboot through weekend stays in the Cotswolds when we had our business.  The Cotswolds became our happy place and we always had this vision that we wanted to make a move in this direction in the future.  We didn’t envisage it being when we did but we started exploring the idea and the idea become reality when we sat down and worked out the logistics.  

The move here has provided the environment we wanted for our children growing up and it has enabled us to create a perfect family life which has the blend of being in control of work commitments and leisure time which makes you feel blessed to be alive. We tend to have Sundays as our family day and take the children out to explore new places. We are so fortunate to live in a location with an array of family friendly things to do, fantastic pubs and natural beauty to explore which we try to take advantage of where possible.

Where would you recommend to grab a bite to eat during lunch in and around where you work?

When I am at work in Stow on the Wold, my favourite place to grab some lunch and a coffee is The Hive which offers really tasty home-cooked food with fantastic service at reasonable prices. It is always so busy with a great atmosphere. Another place I love to take the children to is BakerGirl in Great Tew for a hot chocolate and an epic piece of cake!

What’s been the most challenging and rewarding part of your jobs so far?

From my point of view, after taking eight years off to have the children, I finally got a point where everyone was happy and settled after the relocation,  I came to the conclusion I was ready to do something for me. Going back to work and getting some structure back in my life has been hugely beneficial for my confidence and good for the soul!

James had built a reputation as a very popular fitness professional over 20 years where we both had strong networks so the move here has presented a challenge of generating new contact circles and essentially a black book to support us here in the Cotswolds.  James has always been a strong networker and with Daylesford as his base here, he has now started to raise his profile alongside the well known Daylesford brand.  

What are your goals living and working here or have you reached them already?

Our future is here now and we couldn’t see ourselves wanting to be anywhere else.  Our passion in life is very much around health, fitness, food and family so with James now establishing himself as a fitness professional in the area, alongside our previous experience in running a business, we are exploring some plans to develop a business to sit alongside YOLO retreats which we are shareholders of and our other current work commitments.  All we can say at this stage is ‘watch this space’….

Where’s your favourite place to take the kids over the weekend?

Sunday is our family day and we try to get out and explore new places as much as we can. We often take the children over to Soho Farmhouse for a walk and love the family Sunday roast they do.  We also use Blenheim Palace to get the kids out on the bikes and for an ice cream when the sun shines, or a walk around the beautiful Bourton on the Water. During the spring and summer, we love to visit The Cotswolds Farm Park where possible as the kids love animals.

Where would you go to eat/drink if it was just the two of you?

We always aim to have a date night once a month as we do have parents visit us frequently, so it does allow us some time away from the craziness of three children.  We do use the Soho Farmhouse for our evening entertainment as we do enjoy the buzzy atmosphere in the evening, but we are also very fond of the Wheatsheaf Inn in Northleach and The Chequers in Churchill if we fancy hitting a local pub.

What advice would you give to someone thinking about making the move from London to come and live in the Cotswolds?

Do it!! Country living is not for everyone… you need to really want it, to be at a stage in life where it suits your family and work commitments. Life is for living and anything is possible if you want it that much! You have to be prepared to make some sacrifices and put yourselves first. With the right mindset anything is possible!

www.goldensathome.co.uk

 @goldens_at_home

http://thefitnesspro.co.uk/

https://www.lawandcompany.com/

http://yoloretreats.co.uk/

[chinad]

in thick dirt.

Jan 13, 2018

last night dirty spying eyes pestered me a lot. I saw lots of sexual scenarios, esp my familiar individuals around me, like dorm canteen operative woman, a staff of the canteen to whom my laundry outsourced. Its normal dusk when I went to canteen. When I felt good I asked some wine from the operative woman & handed over ￥5 as reward. I just want to be joyful & sharing my gratitude. Then sexual emotion likely aroused in the dorm canteen, esp in the 2 women. After dinner I went to joy as usual. On the road I saw lots of sexual scenes mindfully I once experienced when in doomed love which broke me up back to 2001 when I left Qiqihar to Nankai Univ, Tianjin, seeking my master degree. I know mostly women there love me, and I sometimes inspired by them. But I dislike unreal sex esp out of my loved one. I always pray for my peaceful soul partner, not indecent ones. That heaps of unblessed illusions reminded me this week an elder man I didn't know approached me in my dusk jog twice. He likely the husband of an elder woman who frequented me in my jog and some cases when I on way to visit my son 3 bus stop away. Every time she rode a bike. I at once thought in her elder what business can she have for such a busy route. Especially a time on my way to visit my son, she rested aside street and acquainted me. I just wonder how she made a living wilder around the street. I quit curiosity at once, as none of my business in that moment of probing mind. Now I'm almost sure that the insane elder woman in her show cheating me out her stalking me. Each time she talked to me, her husband, the old gay would appeared in my jog and trying talk to me, but I just reckoned him among QRRS workers once known me for I worked once in their factories soon after I employed, and never lingered more in my mind as unpleasant nod. Now I know the man's real ID. In this week after the insane woman acquaintance on her evasive riding away in my jog, the man stealthily pushed his way aside me arbitrarily, each time in dark area of my route. First time he claimed he noticed me watching my watch, which I never did. I mistaken him as passenger ask for time, so I search my pants pocket for watch to help me, the coward at once exiled, likely thought weapons in my pocket. After 2 days disappeared, he approached me again in front of QRRS square, claimed he noticed my usual route against normal people's there exercise, trying selling his research of me, or proof of his stalking. I just noticed aside a car turning around and the gay shamed then scattered again. I never looked him nor look back. The dirty illusive scenes all likely exerted by the sinful couples, they abused my well behavior. From my poor mother's grass root, I always resolved for poor diligent women, but didn't know the difference between normal elder woman's life, and those of out of shape. Last night I struggled to escape the fallen & dishonored, till I research my chromebook's replacement, new chromebook with android apps. I found amazon China selling this kind of products usually blocked within PRC. In the night I dreamt a lot purchasing the 2 notebooks for my son & my own notebook evolvement. I dreamt fought in sea with 2 battleship with same name derived from new chromebook I found at the e-commercial website. I saw fighting area on their functional dissected deck. When my son & I almost purchased the notebook, I woke up for the emptiness of wanting. God, dad, grant us sooner to have new set of chromebook for our workspace. Bring me sooner my Royal China, esp Asoh Yukiko, my Crown Queen from Japan. Grant us sanctum of love & privacy. Put self-esteem among people I concerned. In the lunar new year eve, grant us securer ownership over our adorable domains, ie renewal.

Jan 4, 2018

dreamt of Elon Musk, or Chinese version of Musk. he interviewed us from job applicant. then we take care of his family: his wife and his only son. an older staff also attending his family. his house in a lofty mountainous architecture, we have to clime in risk to reach it. when we returned to his house, the old staff throw Musk's boy onto a floating cushion, for no other shortcut to transport the kid bare hand in the harsh environment. even dangerous but the boy safely landed onto his house. Musk also challenged us with his famous product design. last night a bit relentless. after dinner in canteen, I first time felt hungry & dorm gate snack vendor out of service. so I bought myself a bread and ate it deliciously after dusk jog & watching TV in my dorm. then I reviewed recent talk to my 2nd elder sister. how she hated me & faked orthodox. I told her about world food crisis report online, she at once responded if I take pills recently. last time decade ago she forced me into asylum with plot with my other siblings, ignored dedicated cares healing. she is a coward, not only she married with a beast and suffered regret all life, also she currently trying push our niece into marriage with her nephew who likely a poor gay. she found her family doomed then tried her best to help attending my kid brother's first son, who turned out much less educated, and left her second son, also a cheap soul, followed my kid brother and successfully earning a life in southern China as my kid brother, and seized himself a tall girl as trophy wife from peasants labor flood there. she consumed my old family so many credit & merit to save her cheap family she once hopelessly sold herself into when she getting old & dependent to my eldest sister who committed suicide in her 30' partially caused by the kid sister who stayed awkwardly in my eldest sister's house after her senior middle school my parents hardly supported. she totally a betrayer & cowardice. then I reviewed all my brilliance lightened so many people in my living sphere, esp my home town villagers, my siblings, our relatives. my powerful influence was a gift of my era, my national atmosphere in which we believe in growth, scientific, and moral uprising under God's shine, ie. Christian, out of people's self-esteem. I saw society mindset and its efforts in molding reality for generations, and my development as the chosen. I review my failing siblings and praying forgiveness, exactly for their painful giving: hurt in guise. I reviewing love of my 3rd elder sister since childhood put me in peace so many decades. our road towards independence past and ahead. God dad, yesterday I almost first time felt panic of hunger. grant me anxious free upon food security. fed me with clean food & safe life. bring me sooner my Royal China and new family in which I likely bring one more child. God dad, bring me my Crown Queen, Asoh Yukiko from Japan, when it matters us. dad, grant us a peaceful and merry lunar new year.

Jan 1, 2018

first dreamt in school. the subject of experiment is to distill starch from stem, for final bean curd or jelly separated from paper tissue. then found I was studying my Doctor degree course. my old family members mostly proud of me. I likely in vacation and visiting my old family's relatives at hometown, Zhudajiu village or local municipal, Wuxue. then found my purse missing. I was very concerned. then my 2 elder sisters help me search in fields for it. we exam carefully every inch of earth, hoping find it back. I was so distressed that I woke up for it and found at once I didn't miss it, but now I can't figure out how my property safe in reality while when I just exit from dream, I know dreamy concern dissolved. This is first day of 2018. after 3 hours I will bring my son to dine out in Qiqihar downtown via groupon and aid financially by alipay credit. the holiday approached so quietly that I didn't prepare. I barely borrow ￥150 for usual weekend reuniting my son from QRRS Dorm canteen. after found my mistake, I search web carefully using the virtual credit to buy service online to make ends meet. in half day I setup alipay, Meituan on my raspberry pi and ordered 3 meals in cyberspace. yesterday we dined dico's franchise. on bus I prayed God allowing our coupon working and our holiday won't run short of cash. when we got there, there were not crowd. our groupon handled perfectly. we enjoy the meal so much. in fact, my deficit of meat healed quickly. I told my son Warren Buffett advises that youth should refrain from debt, and how Taiwan people inspire me, including dico's service. I urged him we are blessed to visit the franchise more frequent for it's just in its wane due to PRC economic hard problem, and eroded customer base among both richer Chinese and average Chinese family, for expenditure power just wears away in sinking PRC. I felt lucky to be served by the fast food chain in time when it's still graceful, and sale girls still so decent. I also told my son how I satisfied by my charity activity to offer a laid-off motorcycle worker begging for his hard life alongside street, on way my visiting my son, with ￥5: how its cost efficient & my emotional sanctified. after luncheon, we hangout in RT-Mart for my shampoo & toothpaste. my son definitely refused buying goods for him. so we only spend about 60 CNY there, among heavy carts and long queue of people at checkout. dad God, this week I will arrange installment with alipay credit. promise us smooth operation, grant us to complete paying back credit in time in coming year 2018. bring me sooner my Royal China, and my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for my lonely post mid age. grant us more offspring, esp Billing Zhu 's role in anticipated capable of billing, harmony with the Holy. God dad, in this pale morning, You ignite me with this post, let 2018 burning brighter & enlightened.

Dec 25, 2017

dreamt at my hometown village my passed mother sent me among other new enrolled undergraduates into college. my 2nd elder sister also prepared my package at home. there were near dozen of youth passed the entrance exam & enrolled. my nephew, ie. my 2nd elder brother's first son, also the lucky one. I query the richer family's kid, if he travel by airline. most kid will go to their campus via train, while I already had experience by air with my son recent years which let me proud, but I likely took train for poor economy. most of the village kids carried rice in bag. my family also prepared me rice in bag for dispatching, but I managed to persuade my relatives gave up for campus canteen does offer the food. it's touching moment for my elder brother's children never complete their senior education in reality. This is a cloudy morning. I at first felt gloomy, for last week I refrained from my son's anticipated joy of new SWAT suit, and a new pair of boots amid our cyber shopping. but my son likely didn't feel it, at least he didn't refute the spitting coward, the grandma's scorn of coat's qualifies being heavier from put on at once the new clothes' arrival, and also his new boots didn't put on right & sluggy for he didn't leave the high ankle standing, likely his mom & grandma refused guiding him. our only meal together in a week, in the downtown hotel restaurant, also disappointing for it cheatingly remove our once ordered dish with rich meat, replaced with poor quality & quantity meat, after some relentless exchange viewpoint upon our insisted tips for the gorgeous dining hall & cuisine in months. that reminded me time to shift away now that our tips left the hotel boss at a loss. but fortunately our salon buzzed in half hour ago, the shop owner settled our missing renewal in July & admit our membership extends nearly 5 months, values ￥200 after dispute arose last week. that affirms my faith in goodness, understandability of hearts. God, dad, even this month salary removed near ￥400 from usual standard, I still believe year end bonus will surprise me. now new year day of 2018 just a week away, and this wonderful christmas, dad God, reinforce us with plentiness and supportive, remove vain in our materialism seasonal heart. grant me treating my son in next weekend KFC or Mcdonald's or Dico's. shelter us from needy & wanting, instead warm us by powerful & functional of our new gears, esp from US & google. thx Dad.

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[romansmironov]

Can You Get Motivation for Success When You Have None? (Inspiring Interview)

Here's an example of how motivation leads to success.

Do you want to go from stuck to motivated to successful? Read below what Tomas Svitorka has to say about motivation. Tomas is an inspirational life coach who overcame the lack of motivation early in his life.

I also have an audio version of this interview. Check it out here.

I became independent and developed self-responsibility early on

Moving out of my parents’ home at 18 was a big lesson. (I'm originally from a small village in the Czech Republic, by the way.) Although I worked and contributed money to the household, I felt quite restricted. So, I thought that if I left and moved in with my girlfriend, I'd be better off.

But after I had done so and had lived with her for a year and a half, I realized life was expensive! I even apologized to my mother. I told her I hadn't been appreciative enough when I had moved out.

But it helped me become independent and develop self-responsibility.

Overall, it was a great experience: very challenging but exactly what I needed to grow.

I felt suffocated without options and opportunities

My village didn't offer much in terms of career opportunities. And I had my ambitions and also wanted to learn English. So, I went to Australia first. But it was so expensive to live and study that I moved to the UK soon. I wanted to move to a place where I'd have the opportunities to grow.

Without opportunities and options, I feel like I'm suffocating.

I always had this motivation but I still had a long way to go before it could lead me to success.

I pursued my opportunities despite having little money

I didn't even have enough money to buy plane tickets to go to the UK from the Czech Republic! I took a bus and the trip was 24 hours long.

I started as an au-pair in the family of a father and two boys. That was a safe start but the job wasn't too demanding and I was making just 50 pounds a week.

The next step for me was moving to London a year later. I printed a bunch of CVs and went to restaurants in Central London. This bold approach got me a job at the third restaurant already.

I realized I could be so much more

After a while, I found a job with a catering company within an investment bank. And this is when things changed for me.

I was a trolley boy, pushing a trolley with drinks and sandwiches through the floors. I sold them to bankers and analysts.

It was a very important experience for me:

1. It was a kind of entrepreneurship.

2. It forced me to interact with so many people.

3. These interactions opened my mind to the world of success, wealth, and confidence.

At the time, I was making a thousand pounds a month. And I thought that this was what people made. But here's what happened around Christmas that blew my mind.

One of my clients was upset about his Christmas bonus. And when I asked him what he got, it wasn't too far from six figures. And he told me that a 6-figure bonus was nothing there.

I said to myself:

What?!

My Christmas bonus is 200 pounds.

And people are getting hundreds of thousands here?

That's what got me thinking:

1. With some of the people there, I felt that my English was better than theirs.

2. I was also pretty intelligent but why did I have this stupid job?

Here's what finally catapulted me out of my comfort zone

I was sitting in a café with a Polish friend. And she started talking to a waiter who was also Polish. It turned out he was 43 and shared a room with someone else.

I sat there dumbfounded: I was 23 or 24 at the time and I was a bit of a party boy. I realized:

If I don't change now, I could easily end up being a waiter at 43 like him.

(And there's nothing wrong about waiters but it's just not for me, in terms of my ambitions.)

I've got so terrified of the idea that I'd be financially struggling in 10 or 20 years. I feared what I call "tolerable discomfort." It's like my life sucks but not enough to do something about it.

How motivation led me from a party boy to success quickly

This fear drove me to find out how I could improve myself—I became obsessed with personal development. I read self-help books, went to workshops and seminars, and feasted on podcasts and videos.

And it had a profound effect on my personal and professional life:

1. I started to get promoted at work.

2. My social skills and confidence improved massively.

3. I started to be very intentional with how I spent my time. One of the first things that I did was throwing away my TV.

I can improve, and it's fascinating

I had never thought I could improve.

But then and there, I realized I could, and it was so freeing. It sounds silly now but many people hold a belief that we're set in stone.

I embraced the growth mindset instead. And I'm hungry to learn and improve to this day. I find it fascinating and fulfilling. It gives me the motivation that leads to success.

I can see beauty and opportunity in everything

Another crucial realization for me was that reality was subjective. We're in charge of how we interpret the world around us. You can look at a flower and say, "Well, there's nothing special." Or you can say, "Wow, it's beautiful!"

That's a great reframing example:

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

—Wayne Dyer

I became intentional with what I focused on and how I saw things.

We can find beauty, opportunity, and lessons in everything. Just as we can find stress, sadness, and misery if we look for them.

Takeaways

1. Develop self-responsibility as early as possible in life. Don't be an adult child who won't leave home.

2. Keep looking for opportunities, and they will appear. That's how motivation leads to success.

3. You can improve. You're not set in stone.

4. Embrace a self-growth mindset. Feast on personal development content.

5. You can see beauty and opportunity in everything just as you can see sadness. Train yourself to focus on what's good.

___

[todaynewsstories]

Commentary: ‘Super mums’ have one simple request. Don’t hinder them from returning to work

SINGAPORE: Mother, Member of Parliament, and partner at a legal firm.

Rahayu Mahzam’s juggling of work and motherhood has been an uplifting tale for readers this week.

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Her return to her MP duties one month after giving birth to her son Ayden has earned her the moniker of “super mum” among inspired readers.

She credits the help she gets from loved ones.

But the unfortunate reality for many new mothers is that re-entry into the workforce is neither easy nor seamless, especially for those without extended family support.

WHY SO HARD TO RETURN TO WORK?

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Some say mums opt out because they find work less appealing after experiencing the joys of full-time motherhood.

But many mothers say it’s because their bosses see them in a different light – as being less committed and more saddled with family distractions. Such attitudes lead them to feel less valued by their organisations.

There may not be wrongful dismissal or overt discrimination against pregnancy or motherhood that provide grounds for action to be taken against employers.

But small things can add up, like when mothers say they cannot can’t stand the looks from supervisors when they have to take urgent leave because of unforeseen child emergencies, an experience some dads say they share.

MP Rahayu Mahzam with her son, Ayden, in a photo taken in June 2018. (Photo courtesy of Rahayu Mahzam) 

These frustrating but familiar dilemmas can be easily resolved if mums negotiate for themselves, some say. Do new mothers know what they need to balance career duties and the new demands of motherhood? Are they upfront with their bosses about their expectations?

Yet we cannot ignore the reality that mothers bear most of the caregiving burden for young children and feel powerless to insist that their company accommodates them at every stage of their kids’ development.

Societal norms may be part of the issue. Through the school years, just think about who schools are more inclined to call first when a child falls sick or gets into trouble – mum or dad?

NOT WORKING HARMS WOMEN TOO

Mothers who drop out, even for a little bit, suffer adverse effects in terms of income and career progression. This is worrying when national trends show the workforce participation rate in Singapore for women dips after age 25.

Much as the situation has improved, the Government recognises this challenge and the impact it has on women.

Manpower Minister Josephine Teo highlighted in Parliament in March that fewer women achieve retirement adequacy in terms of being able to meet their CPF Basic Retirement Sum compared to men, when more stop working because of reasons like childcare.

“Women are more likely to exit the workforce, or have intermittent patterns of work, for reasons, such as childcare and sometimes caring for the elderly,” said Josephine Teo speaking in Parliament in March as then Second Minister for Manpower.

The best way to tackle these issues is to enable women to remain in the workforce and continue to advance in their careers, she concluded.

READ: Address our bias in the pursuit of gender equality, a commentary

READ: For women of different cultures, classes, backgrounds and age – it’s still a man’s world, a commentary

STRONGER CHILDCARE SUPPORT IS CRITICAL

Strengthening childcare support can give working mothers the peace of mind her kids are in good hands and a better chance of holding down a job.

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s announcement to increase pre-school places by 40,000 over the next five years at last year’s National Day Rally is a step in this direction to broaden access to affordable and quality childcare, and has received strong public support.

Many agree childcare is one area that deserves more attention for some groups of mothers.

Enhancing childcare options by licensing child minders and providing night childcare services, were a few of the recommendations made by local advocacy group AWARE this week, to help new mothers from lower-income households who may have to work shifts get back to work.

In the case of mothers who managed to secure places in childcare centres, they were also unable to get care support when the childcare centre closed for functions, or when the child was not well, AWARE’s report says. (Photo: Chan Luo Er)

READJUSTING TO WORK NOT EASY

While childcare is critical, it is not sufficient in helping mums adjust to work after some time away.

Mothers themselves recognise this and are doing something about it. Since last year, a new programme by local group Mums@Work helps match companies to PMET mothers who took a career break. It also helps mothers get used to a working environment again.

But are companies buying it? Only half of surveyed companies in Singapore say they’ve hired a woman who wants to rejoin the workforce, according to a 2017 study by recruitment agency Robert Walters.

Perhaps the best approach is to ensure mums don’t leave in the first place, like what Mrs Teo said.

COMPANIES MUST BE MORE FAMILY FRIENDLY

Companies have the power to make their workplaces more family friendly and aid mothers in this regard.

After all, they have a vested interest in retaining this talent pool, since mothers who drop out are likely to be as qualified and competent as their male counterparts.

The key may be not to single out mothers by giving them some sort of special dispensation but improve work-life integration as a whole.

Some know this and give all staff time off or allow them to start later. Local precision engineering firm Feinmetall does this, despite being a small company with 50 or so employees.

Josephine Teo with Feinmetall staff members. (Photo: Janice Lim)

Surely larger enterprises can adopt more aggressive flexible work arrangements, including telecommuting and giving their staff the option of working part-time.

You might not expect those in a fast-paced sector like banking to afford these kinds of practices, but OCBC has seen at least one vice-president take the plunge into part-time work for more than a year to spend time with her children, according to news reports.

This would certainly require firms to have sufficient backup coverage, so that co-workers having to pick up the tempo to compensate doesn’t become the norm and lead to resentment.

I also wonder whether organisations will be brave enough to abandon the time clock altogether and switch to a results-only system, where performance is measured against whether timelines are met and objectives achieved.

This may be near-impossible for those in operational roles.

But for others, it’s worth noting that research shows organisations with strong work-life practices enjoy higher productivity, stronger employee engagement and satisfaction, and higher rates of retention.

WE NEED A DIFFERENT CULTURE

Perhaps mindsets are at the core of this issue. Do we over-value presentism and face time?

Do colleagues cast judgment if someone needs to take off because of a child emergency, regardless of whether the child is a toddler or a teenager?

Do bosses trust employees to fulfill their responsibilities? And do they have their employees’ welfare at heart, or do they expect them to shed their personal identities, emotions and responsibilities when they get to work?

Instead of a fixation about what is lost when companies give employees more flexibility, can we focus on what is gained?

The most equal and happy societies have companies with admittedly ambitious pro-family practices, but it’s worth looking at them to think out of the box.

Swedish company IKEA’s move to offer fathers, including those working in Singapore, month-long paternity leave is one refreshing example of how family-friendly organisations help mums – by giving dads the space to do more at home and be equal partners in the endeavour of raising kids.

READ: IKEA’s month-long paternity leave a shining example to be followed, a commentary

New fathers working in IKEA’s stores and offices across Southeast Asia get four weeks of paternity leave since Jan 1. (Photo: AFP/ANP/Robin van Lonkhuijsen)

MORE THAN A VILLAGE TO HELP MUMS RETURN TO WORK

It takes a village to raise a child, but it will take more to help a mother get back to work.

There is a happy ending to Mdm Rahayu’s tale of returning to work. Things are less hectic now as Ayden’s schedule has settled into some sort of regularity, she says.

As deputy chairperson for the Government Parliament Committee for Social and Family Development, I have no doubt Mdm Rahayu will do her best to facilitate more of such positive stories of working mothers returning to pick up where they left off.

Meanwhile, there is much to be done to help other “super mums” get there, and we should all be part of this tale.

Lin Suling is executive editor at Channel NewsAsia Digital News where she oversees the Commentary section.

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[thev2magzine-blog]

Emotion Health – Why a strong mindset is Necessary?

A Strong Mindset !!!

The human creature is the best creature in the world. And the functioning of a human being as a system is amazing. It’s not always possible that you only confront good things. Sometimes we also face adverse conditions in our life. So we all need astrong mindset to face all adverse situations in a smart way. A strong mindset always guides you to take the right decision in hard times. But a weak mind could create a big hurdle in your life at little disturbance by taking wrong decisions.

So now it’s a big question that which factor makes a human mind weak or strong and the answer is EMOTION.

Strong the Negative emotion-Results a Weak MindsetStrong the Positive emotion- Results in a Strong Mindset

So by considering all these parameters, I can only say that Health is not only a physical phenomenon. It is the combination of physical and mental health. Physical fitness is also a strong ingredient to live a healthy life. But a strong mindset and physical fitness give you a healthy life completely. So I will discuss a real-life story in which you can relate how emotion health is a strong ingredient in your health. And at last, I will discuss 10 ways through which you can make your mind strong.

So I will come to the story:

Early Phase:

Oliver was a village boy who was lives in a small village, isolated from the city. His world was only that small village.  His father was a bank manager and mother was a housewife. He has two elder brothers. He was the youngest of three brothers. He was the pampered child of his parents. His family was a big expectation from him. He was intelligent among all his siblings. As every parent expectation increases if their child performs better than his/her sibling. They start dreaming to make their child an engineer, doctor or lawyer.  His school life was as normal as a traditional village boy. After schooling his performance and interest land him in an engineering course. He went to his state’s biggest and reputed engineering college. Entry in a big college was a different world for him where he exposed to different things of life. This life was totally different, which he was unaware. College life taught him various life lessons after schooling. Now you can well imagine the turning point of his life where he got to know the difference between village and city. He had an idea but never experienced it.

College Life:

Now let’s see what the challenges are, he was going to face.  During his engineering, he has no worry for his future life. Being a bright student in engineering, after completion he didn’t get any job. His expectations were high but he was about to face the actual reality. He tries to get a job in local firms but failed completely. After trying multiple times in various MNC’s but nothing happened. The last thing was running in his mind that was preparation for government exam because there was little pressure from family at that time. Over there nothing happened. Then he decided he will go for management course preparation. He appeared for various management entrances but also failed there. It was a great disappointment in his life. He thought the failure was his fate.

Finally, end up at home with nothing to do. In between, one of his friends called him and told that he is going to take admission in a less reputed local college. He convinced his mind, it’s better to take admission in a less reputed college rather than sitting at home. This time he saw some opportunity in it. He did well in studies and gave higher efforts. At last, he got the job as a sales manager. He got a good package and now he thought life will become easier. The family was also happy and satisfied. But this is life and can turn at any point.

After spending some time in his current profile he realized that he is good in writing. He used to read blogs of various niche. Oliver met a new roommate Ankit and he was a blogger and he was very famous for his blog Netflux Proton. Both became good friends.  Ankit shared different market opportunities, market trends with Oliver. There were healthy conversations between Ankit and Oliver related to their fields.  After spending some time with him he liked the whole process and then decided that he will give 100% in witting.

Suppression of thoughts:

Oliver shared his thoughts with family but they didn’t understand and continues to the job. Suppressing thoughts and emotions were not getting a way to release.  Those emotions and thoughts were affecting his mind slowly. But at last those negative emotions and suppressed feeling arise with a back pain. He visited many doctors but nothing works for his pains. His reports didn’t reflect anything. His family also got worried about his health. He started feeling depressed because no medicine was working.

As days passed, the condition became critical and he was hospitalized. After some treatments and care from doctors, his condition seems little improved. Ankit visited Oliver in hospital. He was aware of the root cause of his back pain because he was aware of the whole situation. He first guided his family to support Oliver for his career choices. Then they understand that the actual logic of back pain is due to some unwanted work which was not accepted by his mind and his body. And in nutshell due to a weak mind. Ankit discussed with Oliver about his new blog success Netflux Neutron. And he offered Oliver to write for him. Oliver was happy and he promised to hand over some article to Ankit that he has already written. Ankit published the article of Oliver in his blog.

Expression of emotions:

This article showed a good response from the public on the blog.  That one article increase the traffic to 4 times than usual.  Ankit praises Oliver for his article. As per response of public, Ankit asked for other articles from Oliver and he publishes.  And the response from the public for the articles was amazing. Oliver was now actually doing what he wants from his life. And recovery rate intensity of Oliver was more than double the intensity which he recovered in last 15 days. It acts a RAMVAN(panacea) in the health of Oliver.  His family was also amazed at the rate of improvement of the health of Oliver. They supported him in the best possible way. He also got appreciated by well-known famous bloggers. So a being healthy is not only physical fitness but a strong mind too.

Conclusion:

Many health issues have a similar history. Our emotions are the root cause of our health issues. Mostly these negative emotions manifest as various pains and diseases. A person having a strong mindset  can recover easily in depression.

e.g. Suppressed anger could cause your shoulder pain, the feeling of no one loves me no one support me could cause you back pain, dumped emotion could lead to heart attacks. And truth is, we all face these issues in our life. We all have the hunger for love from our loved ones. When we got supports in a positive way we feel satisfied. When we feel that we are not getting the attention which we desire then we try to grab it anyway whatever its consequences it is positive or negative. One of the negative patterns is sickness because a human mind knows he will attract attention when it is sick. This strong negative pattern attracts us towards health issues.

Today I will share top 10 ways to make a strong mindset

Observation:

Simply observe, without reaction. Don’t rewind the incident that hurt you. Just correlate the current pattern and emotion related to that particular emotion. It will help to go through all the happening patterns around you. And you will understand the core of every pattern and react smarty at adverse situations of the life.

Exercise Regularly:

It acts an amazing emotional vent. You can’t believe but this habit will help you a lot to strengthen your mind.  Until we will not stretch every part of our body how blood will reach to each part. Every part needs a threshold amount of blood to operate. And a regular exercise will let your body speak in proper function for which it is meant for. So exercise regularly. And a healthy body will allow your mind to think more rationally.

Go for an Uncooked Food once a week:

An uncooked food is a natural food that God gifts us, where there is no involvement, no addition of unwanted things. According to the scientific way an uncooked food benefit are:

lowering inflammation

Improve our digestion

Uncooked food has more dietary fiber

Strengthen our Heart

It helps in proper functioning of lever

It helps in preventing cancer

Give more energy compare to cooked food

It glows your skin

It helps in nutrient deficiencies

It helps to maintain body weight

Don’t suppress your emotion

Try to express your emotion in every possible way. You can start diary writing if someone is not there to listen to you. When your emotions will come out your mind will have more opportunities to grab new things effectively.

Bring a pet if you are an animal lover

Pets can absorb your emotion beautifully. So try to have a pet at your home. It is one of the golden rule to have a strong mindset.

Make a connect with Nature

Try to go for a morning or evening walk in a garden. You can also do planting which is the best way to get positive vibes. A disciplined morning habit to wake up early and go for morning walk will help you to make your will power and a strong mindset.

Give time to yourself

We can call it meditation or sit with you. Try to give at least 15 minutes and do introspection. In the ideal time, you could chant ‘OM’ word or could stay calm & be focused. Another best way to concentrate that I would suggest is, Sit in ideal relaxed position and start counting your breaths. It will help you to focus and get the best out of your meditation.

Pray God for nothing

Show your gratitude to God for this wonderful life. It should be only with thanks, mentality not with asking mentality.

Trust yourself

When you start trusting yourself you will start recognizing your abilities and when you will recognize your abilities you will feel confident and a confident mind will make your mind strong.

Love yourself

When you start loving yourself, you are on the way to make a strong mindset

Adopt these 10 lessons in your life to make your life healthier and ultimately leads to strong mindset.

Hope you like reading this article. We appreciate your feedback by commenting below or contacting us. We would love to see this shared on your social media profiles and with your loved ones. Let us know what you think. How you dealt with situations in your life.

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