#looking for things to draw cause I NEED to get this hyperfixation under control

[crnl-chicken-tots]

As I sit here putting Deadpool and Wolverine into situations, I also wonder what the people want to see. Friends and foes, I'm so smitten and trapped in a Honda Odessey full of thoughts, tell me what you want to see and I'll make it happen;;

I must continue to contribute to these primary colored idiots

[meadow-roses]

HELLO I have a terrible cold and desire knowledge infodump about your latest obsessive fascination please

NOOO I'm so sorry to hear that!! I hope you are on the mend now! Make sure you get extra rest and drink lots of tea and juice 🫂

I shall attempt to entertain you with my latest obsessive fascination but full disclosure I totally suck at trying to explain my hyperfixations asdfsdf 😂

This last week I was working on scripting some major scenes for the Season 1 finale of "Dauntless"! ("Dauntless" is the first installment release-date wise for the Keepers saga! Felix is the first of the main protagonists to get introduced, but he won't cross paths with the wizard characters until a good bit into the story. XD) I've been working on drafting this in earnest since last year, so it's kinda been my perpetual obsession since then 😂 so obsessed with this silly guy

(technically this is S3 Felix cause he's missing an eye but shh shh I really liked these drawings asdfadf)

The story is set in an alternate history of earth where humans developed superpowers! To prevent the problem of supervillains, the government exerts tight control over anyone born with powers- and the rest of the population for that matter too.

Felix wanted to be a lawyer- protect the innocent from misapplication of the law etc, make the world a better place, and make his mom proud but... the judicial system's just so messed up those dreams might as well go down the drain. What's he gonna do? Reform the government???? (spoilers, this is the route he ends up taking) He drops out of law school and goes back home to continue working alongside his dad at his mechanic shop/community assistance center that's not-quite-legal-but-not-quite-illegal. (basically provides food, medicine, support etc for disadvantaged people that have little to no protection from the law)

After Felix gets kidnapped by an organized crime group and rescued by their rival gang's leader (Thomas!) he starts getting in over his head. Thomas shares some pretty unsettling things the government is doing- it almost looks like they're trying to build an army. (why would they need an army?! The world is united under one government? There's no one to fight!) His exploits trying to find out if this is true earns him the nickname "Dauntless" from the Press, and a spot on the authorities' list of "most wanted". Now there's an entire team of special ops units hunting him down, plus a serial killer who's probably going to go after his mom...

He's a total nerd with an affinity for mechanics/inventing. He's SO lawful good he only goes vigilante because the law... isn't good. He's a little anxious, but he's trying his hardest to live up to the hero the public so desperately needs and somehow saw in him. He's not dauntless, but he's trying to be!

The secondary main character is Grace Rocha!

Her parents were part of a smuggler's ring, (smuggling food and medicine to underground communities of "innocent criminals") that was arrested when she was around six. She spent hardly any time in the government "second chance" orphanage before successfully escaping with her three roommates. The four girls are taken in by an amnesiac escaped lab experiment (? He's not sure, he's kinda missing his memories, his name is Thomas 😏) and a former government worker who was involved in a top secret project (Kate! She knows too much etc etc so the gov wants her dead). They form a little hiding-from-the-government family and collect other fugitives along the way.

She's super sweet and intelligent but always down to throw hands with little provocation 😂 She's also spent her entire life on the run from the government, so she's got all the tricks and skills. When Dauntless shows up on the scene, she totally clocks that he's going to be the epicenter of the revolution and man does that mean he's gonna need backup. She spends a good deal of the story trying to find Dauntless and convince him first, that they can save the world, and second, that he can't do it alone.

Some other main players in Season 1 are Felix's parents, Emmett and Julia Rodzic.

Emmett runs a mechanic shop (that Felix helps out a lot with) and does a lot of community outreach stuff. The classist divide is really bad, and a lot of basic necessities are just restricted for the 3rd class. He's a 3rd class citizen himself (his parents were arrested over something trivial and he was raised in a gov orphanage) He's able to get away with a lot more than he would otherwise because he's married to a 1st class citizen (Julia), but he still has to be really cautious and cover his tracks. One wrong move and he'll be arrested no questions asked. 😔The sorts of things he'll do is like. repair someone's vehicle for free or without reporting the work done to the gov. Buy more groceries than his family needs and pass it off to families that are struggling on their ration cards (they're a 1st class household, they don't have a ration card!) He'll also help people fill out paperwork or give technically false alibis for people out too late past curfew etc. He's a busy dude lol and Felix's HERO.

Julia is part of the government administration, a member of the board of directors of the Department of Public Health. She's in charge of overseeing the research division. She has totally figured out that something sus is going on, but she's trying to be reeaaally cautious figuring out what it is, because one wrong move and it's game over for her and her whole family. She and Felix are at odds over his decision to drop-out of college, so there's a little subplot about their current relationship drama lol They both love each other so much but there's hurt feelings and broken trust. :(

Some other key characters are Hiro, Andrea, Marco, and Harley!

They are a special ops team of super superpower soldiers (the result of the afore mentioned top secret gov project Kate was involved in) They're all OP on their own but together form a pretty unstoppable team. They serve directly under the Chancellor (there's 7 guys ruling the planet basically and he's one of them) as one of his several teams of personal guards. He uses them to sniff out and apprehend traitors. :,) When Dauntless (Felix) starts getting too much attention, the Chancellor sends them out to catch him. Jokes on him! While looking for Dauntless they make friends with Felix! 😂

Hiro and his squad are also sent to catch a rogue officer, Carmen.

A test subject from a different secret government project, she's trying to stop their research by... killing everyone she thinks is involved. This includes doctors, scientists... government officials in the Health Department. And ya know. Dr. Julia Rodzic, head of the dept of medical research is a pretty obvious target. I don't know how much August has told you about the Chaos magic yet? But she is going insane and slowly dying. :)

That's about the jist of it I think. Season 1 ends with them mostly figuring out what the government's up to and a game plan for how to stop it (which totally doesn't go the way they planned of course :3). Season 2 has a lot of super fun heist shenanigans and Season 3 (current fave LOL) is lots of angst and identity shenanigans. Season 4 wraps everything up and has a really fun villain PLUS the "the whole gang's together!" trope hehe

I hope that was cohesive and if you have any questions feel free to ask!! :D I could go on about this story indefinitely 😂😂

I have also posted pretty much all the concept art etc I've done for the project if you're interested in perusing: Dauntless Wip

Oh, and here's a link to the Pinterest board :D

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of ��Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.

[whitebookposts]

Since I got the permission from @krabandkrill​ to draw Fan children for the ship Remiel\Krill, I got right to the work when I got free time, and so, I am proudly presenting you my hot take on how Leilei’s and Remiel’s children would look like. How is this possible? How do I know, am I a biology major? Sky doesn’t use logic anyway. So yea, here is the three chaos bringers!  Devora: She\her. 14 Years old. Elia’s twin sister and Yona’s elder sister. Devora is the twin sister of Elia, and the oldest of the two. At first she might seem as a very chill and calm person, but in regality, has a habit of worrying about everything and hyperfixate on the smallest mistakes she might have done. It is very possible that she has this problem because of her special abilities - she can see the past of people and places. Thanks to this power, she is able to restore valuable information, find things and learn everything she needs to know about a person. It’s hard to lie to her, since she will be able to access your memories and see if you speak the truth, however, she respects people’s privacy and won’t do it without a good cause. When she was young, she couldn’t control her powers, making her anxious all the time because she saw a lot of things that a young mind shouldn’t see, especially in the Golden Wasteland. But thanks to a long training from Lamed, and a lot of love and support from her family, she was able to learn how to control her power. But still, the power makes it really hard to let go from small mistakes and shames, so she is pretty anxious about being perfect. Thankfully, she has a twin brother who teaches her about the importance of living in the present, and loving parents who are always there to help her. She is very gentle and a calm person otherwise. An introvert, who prefers silence and spending her time in the archives. Very strong physically Elia: He\him. 14 years old. Devora’s twin brother and Yona’s elder brother. Elia is the twin brother of Devora, and the younger of the two. A very chill and positive person, who just loves to make new friends and explore. But don’t let his cheery look and laugh confuse you - he will beat up a god if the god dares to hurt anyone of his close one’s. Is very loyal, but not a reliable friend. He is kind of boy who prefers to live in the present and enjoy the now, but due to his carefree personality, he never thinks about the consciences of his actions and acts on emotion. Good thing that he has a twin sister who teaches him how to be more accurate when deciding something and to thing before acting. Very fast on taking decisions, a thing that can both be good and bad. But whatever he will decide to do, it will always be in an attempt to help his family or friends. This boy will never search for a reply for long - he will always answer and react if somebody says something rude, and this thing got him in trouble a lot of times. Doesn’t have a special vision power, but got healing and dream powers from Remiel. Loves his close ones unconditionally and will protect his family and friends till his last breath. Whenever he isn’t getting into trouble, he is spending time with his parents, siblings, friends, or annoying the hell out of elders. Very social and has a large group of friends. Is very fast, both in flight and on the ground.  Yona: They\them. 8 years old. Devora’s and Elia’s younger sibling. Yona is the youngest of the kids. Cheery and carefree child, but isn’t very talkative. Prefers action instead of words. Yona is very young, because of that her personality is still developing, however, it can be said that they have a mysterious and silent attitude towards everything. They almost always know what will happen, and will tell you about it if it’s important. And it’s not a surprise - they have the gift of prophecy: they are able to see the future (like Sapphire from SU). However, because there are so many possibilities of future that can happen, don’t expect them to be able to tell you where will your friends hide in the game of hide and seek so you can win it. Mostly, she can tell about the major events that will happen no matter what, or about an event that will happen in a second - like this rock that will hit you. But until she will say it, you will be already hit. Is learning under Lamed now, just like their older sister once, in order to learn how to control and use these powers. A very cuddly and lovable child, who loves hugs and scratches. Strong mentally - they are smarter then most children their age.  And now, when I ended info-dumping you, I will show you some sketches I drew for them: 

[early-sxnsets]

I Want Us

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16762390

Word Count: 3017

Summary: Snowed in hotel rooms and promises for the future (POV Simon).

Carry On Countdown 2018 Day 3: Abroad

“Granted..” Baz mumbles, pushing the curtain back as he peers out over the city to, watching the snowflakes begin to settle. “We probably should’ve considered the fact that we’d booked to visit Penny in Chicago during the middle of winter…”

I page through the telly’s channels, head resting in my palm as I scroll. The screen flickers to life between each page, a split couple seconds of sound as the title roll through. I stop at a local news station, dropping the remote beside me as I sit back.

A cheerful woman in a tight dress is rambling off about the weather, somewhat insultingly upbeat chimes playing as she goes on about snow totals and how much it’ll be. A lovely four feet in total over the next few days, and it’s coming in thick. Lovely.

Beside the bed, Baz flops back into a seat as he scrubs his face, hands laying above his eyes as he sighs. He peers over his fingers, glancing at me with a tired expression. I swing my legs over the side that he’s on, watching him as I tug my hair back.

“So much for meeting up with Penn, huh?”

“She did answer my text,” he begins, pulling out his phone and unlocking it with a swipe. “Said she’s snowed in for at least the next three days, especially as the storm rolls past.” He thumbs over the texts before glancing at me and sighing. “At least we booked the room until Friday.”

My hand reaches out to wrists, locking around one of his hands as I tug it towards me. He sets down his cell and keeps an eye on our joint movements, watching our locked hands travel to my lap. “Suppose we’ll just spend the next week going mad in a hotel room.”

“Sounds an awful lot like hell; you’re a tit and a bore to spend time with.” There’s no bite to his voice, and when I catch his eyes, he’s grinning at me like some lovesick fool.

“A nightmare to be around,” I reply softly, tugging his hand closer and causing him to lurch forward. I lean in, pecking his cheek before lacing our fingers together. Automatically, he leans into it, eyes shutting as he lingers against me. It takes a full few seconds before he pushes himself up and settles back on the bed beside me, hand trickling down my back and pushing the fabric away from the split between my shirt and my jeans. His hand settles against my skin as he kisses me, his other hand flying to my cheek and tracing patterns onto me.

Our knees bump as I nudge closer on my hip, body turning towards his. My hand captures his hair, pushing in under the bun he’d put up for the flight and tangling in the somewhat strained strands as I pull his head closer. He does that little thing I like with his tongue before he pulls himself back and leaving me to whine out a complaint as his eyes traveling down my face and neck. He latches himself on it.

Baz seems to hyperfixate on my neck; he once told me that he used to think about it so much that it just feels unfair to not kiss it now. Every time he dives for my neck, I think back to sixth year; to him staring at me from across the room. I used to think he was plotting my death, but it was actually him tracing out where his mouth would go if he only had the opportunity.

The hand pressing to my back trails down towards my tail, tugging it out of my jeans and wrapping it around his wrist as he presses onwards. I let out a noise, tucking my face into his messed hair as his lips kiss up and teeth graze my earlobe.

Oh shit. I push him away, slightly tense as I stare into him. “How’re you going to feed if we’re snowed in?”

He blinks, startled by my abrupt stop. “I didn’t quite think of that,” he says in a bit of a daze, his eyes wide. “ I could try to hunt off in some nearby alley. It’s unceremonious, but city rats are blood nonetheless.”

“Why would they go out into the snow?”

“There’s always dumpsters, Snow.”

I make a face. “You’ll dumpster dive?”

He slowly untangles his hand from my tail, fingertips running along it as it slides from his arm. “I’ve done it before, and I can always shower after. I’ll just wear your clothes while I do it.” I smack him on the arm, my eyebrows drawing together.

“Excuse me for being concerned about your wellbeing,” I grumble, frowning at him. “I haven’t got much else, besides Penny and the existence of dinner, so I’ve got to look after you.”

His face goes borderline soft at my comment, gaze losing its edge as his thumb traces my jawline. “Sorry,” he says back in a murmur before going silent. He’s thinking.

I think that’s my favorite expression of his; in thought. Not because he’s quiet then or anything (despite it being an added bonus), it’s just that he always looks so deeply into my eyes whenever he’s thinking, even if it’s not me on his mind. Hell, even in the first few years of uni, he’d get particularly stuck while working and just come up to look at me, lock his arms around my waist, and stare. At first I was a little unnerved, but it got to be endearing. I’ve never asked him why; I should probably ask him why.

“Why do you stare at me when you think?” I ask. It comes out as a whisper, barely even loud enough for any normal person to hear.

He snaps away from whatever’s going on in his mind at the sound of my voice, raising his eyebrows as his head tilts. “I’m… sorry?”

My hands busy themselves with untying his bun, shaking out the strands so I can run my fingers through them properly. “Whenever you’re thinking, really thinking, you stare at me. Like, really hard. It’s almost like there’s a puzzle on my face, and you’re trying to solve it. Then you usually just hug me and kiss my cheek before actually going on with whatever you were doing.” I tug at a little knot, feeling it come undone with ease. “I don’t dislike it, I’m just wondering.”

He stays silent for a moment, head staying tilted as I play with thick sections of his hair. “You’re calming,” he says after an eternity of staying shut, eyes flicking around my face as he speaks. “You used to be chaos to even witness, but now I just like to stare because I’m allowed to. It feels good to. It’s nice, having a single constant in my life that I used to be so scared to look at, but is now mine to keep.” Both of his hands rest against my sides, thumbs rubbing the fabric.

It takes me a minute, clearing my throat as I nod. “I… wow.”

He chuckles warmly, leaning in to press a kiss to my cheek and staying with his lips brushing against my skin. “You don’t have to say anything,” he murmurs before pressing another kiss down. “I don’t really expect an answer.”

We sit there in silence, my hands woven around his locks as I nod again.

As he pulls back, he shifts in his seat before easing my grip away from him. “I need to hunt before it gets too bad.” Standing, he fixes his shirt and trousers. “I won’t be long; get comfortable while I’m out. We’ll be in here for an awful while.”

I watch as he goes, making sure he has a room key and his phone. He swoops down, pressing a kiss to my head before excusing himself. I don’t watch, listening as the door clicks shut behind me.

The windows stay shut as I undress. I steal glances of myself through the mirror, getting caught in the reflections.

The spells on my wings wore thin; they’re visible now, clear as day and fully exposed. I extend them once, letting them stretch after hours of being bent together and getting all stiff. It’s sort of like when you’re sitting for too long and your legs get all numb or prickly and wobble a bit. That’s my wings. It’s weird; some limbs I didn’t think I’d asked for, but oh well. Here they are.

My jeans change out for my sweats, leaving everything else discarded (including a top) away into the luggage. After a minute of clueless searching, I find the hotel’s binder in plain sight, sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch.

I flip through, scanning room service and trying to figure out what’d be best to order (because it’s either this or delivery and I do not have the energy to deal with a proper delivery service right now).

By the time Baz makes it back, I’m sprawled out on the bed and carefully reading each option in the menu, scanning the tiny details and the serving hours to everything (I’ve read it three times already, but I’m just making sure). He creeps in as silently as possible, but I lift my head to greet him and give him a loose smile as the exhaustion from an eight hour flight hits me (well, that and the jetlag). The shades remain drawn, keeping the room at a controlled darkness as I stare up at him through lamp-light.

He gives me a smile back, slowly stripping off his blazer, then following his shoes, socks, trousers, shirt, all down to his boxers, to which he grabs trackies and a tee shirt to replace them with. Without a word, he steps off into the bathroom, and I hear the shower turn on.

I never quite ask where he hunts, even at home. Partially because I’d rather not intrude on something he’s not that keen on sharing, but also because I feel like I’d be a little grossed out thinking of where he’d need to hunt to stay hidden enough. There’s clearly a reason why he showers after every hunt, so I don’t pry. I just leave it and welcome him back warmly when he comes to join me.

He wraps himself around me from behind, face settling on my nape as he reads quietly. It’s a bit of an awkward fit; his arms always have to rest around my lower sides, and my wings have to fold in so he can look around them, if he wants to, but we make it work. We’ve always made it work; we make everything work.

His wet hair drips onto my shoulders, face pressed to my skin his arms lock tightly around me. He smells like travel body wash.

“What do you want?” I ask, a hand settling against one of his.

I can feel his exhale against me, his body caving towards mine as he peers at the list. “The baked chicken sounds fine.” His fingers push apart, letting mine fall into place between them as I sigh, relaxing against him.

We spend a few moments slumped against each other, my time occupied by listening to his breathing and his continuous calming rise and fall of his chest against me. It isn’t until my stomach growls that I actually pull back, leaning across the bed to dial up the number provided on the sheet to order, giving them our room before hanging up and turning towards Baz. Silently, I tuck myself into his neck and cuddle shamelessly up to him, his hands dragging up and down my bare back.

There’s nothing I’m more thankful than for silence. At the beginning, I was afraid of scaring him off with how much I prefer just staying like this. How much I prefer not talking, but he accepts it all. He accepts being my comfort spot, being a nice extended period of not speaking, but rather just being there. He accepts it all.

I don’t know how I ever got so lucky.

I doze off before the food gets there, and I’m startled by the knocking. Sleepily, I peel myself away and let him get the door as I stand out of clear sight (because Normals usually give me strange looks; these wings look like ridiculously good prosthetics and it’s always odd to be asked why I’d be wearing them decoratively for absolutely no reason). Baz exchanges quick pleasantries with the worker before bringing in the food and resting it over the coffee table. Once it’s safe, I step out and just flop onto the floor, digging into my own food and sighing happily.

He mirrors me, sitting across the table on the floor with his legs outstretched underneath and bumping into mine innocently. We exchange smiles as we tuck into our meals respectively, hands outstretched between us and meeting to hold.

I finish my plate a good while before he does, and I’m a little more than guilty of stealing bites off his.

He lets me, though. He always lets me. I think I can get away with just about anything with him.

As he’s finishing up, I drop his hand and go to turn down the bed for us, fluffing the pillows as I yawn. Despite it only being about six (the sun’s properly sunk out of view now), the midnight feeling of London still tugs at my mind. It’s clearly getting to Baz too, his bites slowing down to sleepy nibbles.

Never really dropped the habit of chewing with a hand over his mouth. I don’t dare stop him; we all have our little comforts, and if it helps him feel better, I can’t intervene.

“Come on,” I whisper as he swallows down his last bite. “I’m lonely over here.”

He pushes his plate and silverware forward, hand still locked over his face. “Shouldn’t we clean?” It’s muffled.

Shrugging, I snag him by his bottoms once he’s standing close enough. I give him a quick tug onto the bed. “We can do it tomorrow, I don’t feel too strongly for cleaning right now.”

He rolls his eyes, keeping his mouth tightly shut as he cuddles up to me wordlessly.

We press up to one another, falling into our usual sleepy silence, which almost convinces me that he’s fallen asleep before he lets out a quiet “What are we doing, Simon?”

It’s like I’m blindsided by a truck. “What are we… what?”

Slowly, his head lifts with his shoulders from me. “I mean,” he starts, “we’ve been together for years now, but we just don’t talk about the future. Albeit, I didn’t quite think there was a real future a couple years ago, but now here we are. So… what now?”

I blink, jaw open.

It’s one of those things I don’t think about. Not because the worst case scenarios, but rather a “Take life by the balls” sort of reasons.

If you don’t plan for the future, you’ll never be disappointed about the consequences.

“I… I don’t know.”

He rolls his eyes, mumbling something along the lines of a quick “Of course” before exhaling and shaking that thought clear. “I phrased it wrong,” he says gentler, catching my eyes. “What do you think you want in the future, Simon?”

My hands stay flat against his back, my mind searching before I speak. “A nice place where you can hunt without being as afraid of people catching you. Maybe a backyard, so we can have pets to run around there. I… I guess I always wanted the domestic bullshit; sounded so sweet compared to what I had growing up. “ I stop, chewing on my lip. “I want us. You. Like, I can see you sitting there with me, doing this… thing. Whatever we want. Us being us.”

He ghosts his hands over my chest before settling against my shoulders, thumbs grazing my collarbones. “Us being us?” he repeats, as if for confirmation. I nod without a second thought.

“Good.” He comes out short, but his voice is gentle, resting in the air only between us. “I want an us too. I’d sort of hoped we’d have an us, after all. Not like it was that bullshit Watford Curse if we did break up, but in the way that I love you, and I always have.”

I grin at that, nose wrinkling as I whisper back an “I love you too”. His soft smile in response is all I need to really relax, exhaling slowly as I stare at him. He’s right. It is calming. “How do you feel about living in the countryside?”

He shrugs somewhat like I would, closing his eyes. “I’m happy wherever you are, but you shouldn’t feel the need to just move out there because of me.”

“It’d make me happy to have you comfortable,” I run a hand up and down his spine, “that’s what I want.”

His smile spreads farther across his face, head leaning forward and resting once again against my shoulder. “What… about a family?” he whispers.

“As in, children?” He nods. “I… suppose I haven’t thought of it? I mean, when I was with Agatha, it felt expected. Now, though, I don’t give a thought to it; mainly because I don’t feel that ridiculous pressure anymore. That’s all. But I wouldn’t be opposed.”

He keeps pressed against me, holding me around my waist. “I’m just curious, that’s all. Not proposing anything yet.” He nuzzles more into my skin, yawning against it. “However ‘us’ is, I’m happy with it. Us is us, additions option.”

I giggle at that, tugging him closer as I yawn back .”Additions optional,” I agree sleepily. “Okay, I’m… I’m gonna sleep. I’m tired.” He gives me back a laugh; a lazy, tired laugh.

“Okay, my love. Sleep tight,” he utters against me, to which I respond with likewise as melt into our bed. We stay blocked out from the unfamiliar world outside, covering quickly in a heavy blanket of snow.

[dispetal]

every even number :^)

Boy oh boy – here we go! Under cut, ‘cause it gets LONG.

PHYSICAL PRESENCE AND GESTURE.2. How much physical space do they use, active and at rest?

Oh, Ruby usually uses all the space around her. She’s very sporadic and will use up all the space around her because it’s hard for her to stand still (it’s the good good ADHD). At rest she’ll still tend to use up her space in small ways, she has to constantly be moving and doing things with her hands.

4. What is their size and build? How does it influence how they use their body, if it does?

She’s relatively small - 5′2″ - and I headcanon her as a little rounder than the series portrays her as? Like, she’s toned but still has chubby cheeks and chubby upper arms and a little bit of tummy. She’s round. Because she’s not nearly as good at hand to hand combat as, say, Yang, she’s a little softer and a little more weak, especially in her core. ( She’s not entirely dependent on her weapon, but she’s mostly dependent on it! )

6. What are they like in motion–in different environments, and in different activities? What causes the differences between these?

Fast. She’s speedy quick, like, all the time. As mentioned earlier, she has to be moving constantly or doing something to keep her mind stimulated. The only times she really isn’t moving a lot is when she’s over exerted herself, so say, after battles and stuff.

8. Where and when do they seem most and least at ease? Why? How can you tell?

Ooh! This is easy! This comes in two parts. For one: she’s most at ease around the people she loves, normally when relaxing. Like, if she’s playing video games with Yang and Qrow, or if she’s hanging out with RNJR or RWBY just chilling. Alternatively, she’s most at ease when she knows she’s got a battle or fight. When she’s fighting, she’s in her element. Oddly enough, she’s also least at ease when she’s fighting a fight she doesn’t know how to win – or if she’s doing something she doesn’t know how to do. She’s not exactly comfortable in social situations, especially ones that have a lot of sarcasm.

10. What energizes and drains them most?

Motivation and lack of motivation. That good ol Hyperfixation�� feeling. She grapples with executive dysfunction quite often when it’s something she doesn’t particularly care about. ( Classes at Beacon were particularly hard because of this, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to learn, it’s that sometimes her brain wouldn’t let her learn ).

12. How are they bodily expressive? How do they use nonverbal cues such as their posture, stance, eyes, eyebrows, mouths, and hands?

As mentioned before, she’s Everywhere. Her hands are always fiddling with something or playing with the hem of her “combat skirt” and she’s also prone to looking around. Her mind wonders so it takes her a while to really focus in unless it’s something she’s hyperfixated on.

DISPOSITION AND TEMPERAMENT.14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed?

She has a strong sense of morality and she cares deeply about helping the people who can’t be helped. She’s got an almost romanticized view of being a huntress – at least at the beginning – and would do anything to become one and serve justice in a way she sees fit. She grew up with all of the fairy tales and stories told to her by her family and that imbued a sense of almost childlike wonder in her. She is willing to lend a hand and gives second chances because she believes in the inherent good in people and that it can be accessed even if tedious. That, however, also makes her hard to deal with because she’s stubborn. She’s optimistic ( read more about that here ) but that also goes to her detriment as well. As far as passions and callings go, easily – EASILY her biggest passion / calling is being a huntress. Spirituality works a bit different for her, the beliefs that she holds are more in people than incorporeal beings. In this, though, her love of fairy tales can also be considered a belief of some kind or a spirituality / faith at its core. The fairy tales and legends she grew up on had become a sort of faith to her. She revered the heroes in the stories and wanted to lead by their example – ergo, a following.

16. Do they dream? What are those dreams like?

She does dream, but the dreams vary. Lately she’s had more nightmares than real dreams but rarely addresses them, they’re all of her friends dying or the worst possible scenario. When she was a kid she used to have dreams about her mother or her family reuniting or her becoming a huntress as an older girl. Now, her dreams are less dreams and more nightmares, her past and passed friends all in shambling corpses, telling her how little she did to save them – that she could’ve done more. That’s why she wakes early. That’s why she likes being awake. Not because she doesn’t get tired – it’s because she doesn’t want to dream. Not anymore. She’d much prefer to be awake.

18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why?

Ooh, interesting question! I think the most likely path is for her to realize the err of her coping mechanisms and get help with the help of her team. Bad end though, is something I’d want to see. Bad end Ruby would probably break ( because of the loss of another party member – more than likely Qrow or anyone from RWBY though at this point it could be ANY one of her friends ) and the silver eyes would end up doing more harm than good. Salem could brainwash her and use her as a minion. There are millions of ways she could get corrupted and I’m interested in exploring them, but I’m also interested in exploring one where she admits to her faults and gets help. I’d like to see Ruby put herself first for once.

CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS.20. What kind of individual relationships do they have with others, and how do they behave in them? How are they different between intimate relationships like friends, family, and lovers versus more impersonal relationships?

Oh boy, that’d have to be a post for another time, because I could go into every single interaction she has. I’ll keep this one broad though and say she’s pretty easy to get along with and pretty easy to make friends with. She’s always looking for new friends and new opportunities to talk to people. She’s very curious and invested in the people she likes! More intimate relationships will see different sides of her but most see her as the cheery girl she presents as – the girl who wants to help others out. She also forms personal relationships but they’re all based from a very real and pure heart that loves to make friends.

22. How do people respond to them, and why might these responses differ?

There are people who think Ruby’s Too Much All Of The Time because of her bouncy / plucky / optimistic nature. She’s also very loud – it’s hard for her to control her volume and sometimes more difficult to read social cues which can kind of put people off. But, most of the time, they see her as an open, cheery girl who loves people, and sometimes that pisses people off. She’s a good person though, at heart, and that draws people in.

24. How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference?

Oof. This is a good one. She presents herself, as mentioned above, as a bubbly, optimistic, loud, fun-loving person. In actuality, she’s very sad. She’s very sad and developed several unhealthy coping mechanisms that from the outside look totally healthy. Whereas Qrow depends on cynicism and alcoholism as his way to deal with grief, Ruby does the opposite. She relies on optimism and hope in an unhealthy way. ( Sidenote: she also eats a lot out of a way to deal with her grief: fun fact ). Not many people – if anyone – have seen the really sad part of her because she’s repressed it so far. What she doesn’t realize is sadness when repressed often leads to anger unprompted. She’s repressed enough at this point to get very, very angry at another, and that’s horrifying to think about.

26. How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

She’s “open” with relationships. In that she’s totally okay with the other person being open and she’s very warm and welcoming and excitable, but she puts most of if not all of her focus into that other person and how they feel in the relationship. Romantically, she isn’t actively looking for a partner, though she wouldn’t mind one. ( I will say, I doubt that her having a partner at this time is healthy. ) It’s hard for her to read people so the person who has the crush would have to straight up say “hey, let’s date” because otherwise it’s a lost cause. Usually she’s very flattered even if the feelings aren’t returned! Someone having a crush never ruins a friendship for her.

ACTIVITIES AND PREFERENCES.28. What are they likely to do if they have the opportunity, resources, and time to accomplish it? Why? 

Anything, if she really wants to. She’s a determined person. 

30. What is their preferred level of activity and stimulation? How do they cope if they get either too little or too much?

Ooh! She’s got a lot of activity needed but if it’s unprompted and sudden it can trigger a sensory overload. Large crowds make her uncomfortable for that reason. She can be around people but only really when she’s prepared herself to do so. Even then, it can be hard for her. Stimming helps with that! Her most common stims are spreading her hands out, hands flapping, or playing with something in her hands! Tapping also helps.

32. Do they have any “props” that are a significant part of their life, identity, activities, or self-presentation somehow? What are they, how are they used, and why are they so significant? How would these props’ absence impact them, how would they compensate, and why?

 Other than the obvious being crescent rose, her cape is symbolic as hell. I’m gonna get into that in a separate post.

THINKING AND LEARNING.34. How do they understand the world–what kind of worldview and thought processes do they have? Why?

I think I’ve pretty much already answered this one? Check 14 again. ( I will go into her opinion on Faunus rights -- spoiler, she’s completely for them -- later. )

36. How much do they rely on their minds and intellect, versus other approaches like relying on instinct, intuition, faith and spirituality, or emotions? What is their opinion on this?

Emotions, emotions, emotions. She is lead by her heart almost completely. Sometimes she’s prone to thinking things out rationally but most of the time? She’s all heart bapey. She doesn’t mind people thinking logically but sometimes she wonders why people don’t listen to their hearts more, unaware that it can be as harmful as it can be good.

38. Is there anything they wish they could change about their worldview or thought processes? What, and why?

I think if she totally snapped that could all change but it’d take quite a lot of time to get that way.

40. What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is?

Everything! She’s a very curious girl and asks a lot of questions! It’s not because she’s completely unaware but more that she’s totally interested in the things around her. It doesn’t take much to spark curiosity and imagination but things like semblances or fighting styles are things that pique her curiosity.