#macie and ashton are about to be put to WORK

[fundielicious-simblr]

(Narrator)

One summer night Zoe woke up with pretty bad cramps, cramps that didn't feel like braxton hicks. She was meant to be headed to Newcrest to see her family & have baby before her family moves to Henford-on-Bagley. She had Macie and Ashton with her at home, and thankfully Francisco was also home, so she was sped to the military hospital.

At the hospital she was assessed and it was decided that a c-section was needed. After administering the anaesthetic, she was rushed into the operating room where she was joined by her husband.

The doctor worked quickly and soon enough little Sofia Moreno was born, thankfully Zoe was only 2/3 weeks from her due date so little Sofia didn't need a nicu stay after being born early. After a 2 day stay in the hospital while she recovered from surgery, the family were able to go home and introduce her to her older siblings and aunties waiting at home.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirteen

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 3, 2018 los angeles, california orion

I've not left the apartment since I got home from the hospital two days ago, except to take Duke out a few times a day. The nausea has been unrelenting the entire time and I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I don't even sleep in our bed. I spend the whole time on the couch.

I'm grateful that I've only vomited once, but I haven't eaten a full meal in several days. From being stressed about Cal leaving to getting started on chemo, food hasn't exactly been appealing. I can tell my weight is going to plummet over the next several weeks, but it's hard to fight the feeling that I'll throw up anything I eat and also that adding anything else to the chaos in my stomach already is not a good idea.

Duke has been a great cuddle companion and has barely left my side. Calum called again yesterday but hasn’t yet called today. The time zones make it so confusing and I keep forgetting whether he’s ahead or behind of me in time. He texted me a few hours ago—it was just a selfie of him and Ashton backstage, letting me know they were about to perform. Once they finish the show tonight they’re flying to New Zealand, which I know he’s excited about.

It’s been long enough now that I think he should be off stage soon, if they aren’t already, but I know they’re going to be kind of chaotic afterwards because they’ll be rushing to the airport. I don’t plan on calling him at all; his schedule is so insane and busy, and I know he will do his best to call me as much as he can. I’ll call him if it’s important enough, but so far nothing has happened that should mean I call him.

This morning I woke up to a banging on the apartment door and to my dismay I found my moms had ordered groceries for me. It was just a bunch of easy to make foods — cans of soup, frozen pizzas, instant ramen — but it still frustrated me that they would do that without asking me. I don’t need their help.

I grumble silently, dragging the food inside with Duke sticking his face in the bags. “Nothing for you, sorry buddy.”

Once I get the frozen food into the freezer, I go to flop back on the couch. My body aches so much. I don’t feel like I can stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I’ve debated checking with Macy to see if she would be able to walk Duke for me, but I’m scared to rope another person in on my secret. I’m on the couch watching more Girl Meets World when Emelia texts me.

From: emi✨ how ya doin today? need anything?

To: emi✨ yuck. am fine. just don’t wanna move ever again.

From: emi✨ do you want me to walk duke for you? i can come by after work!

I want to say yes, but she’s already doing so much. She’s the one who will be driving me to and from chemo next week, and she’s already planning on coming over again tomorrow to keep an eye on me. I’m hoping I feel okay enough to hang out with Macy in a few days like we’d planned… I decide I am just going to suck it up. I can handle it. What's the worst that can happen?

I text Emelia "no" and then muster as much strength as I have left to get off the couch again. It's time to take a shower, I decide.

It takes me a somewhat shameful amount of time to get to the bathroom and turn on the water. I crank it all the way up because I'm freezing. Before I get in, I grab a pair of Cal's boxers and one of his hoodies to put on when I get out, and then I hook my phone up to the Bluetooth speaker so I can listen to music.

The sound of Maisie Peters' brief but iconic discography echoes in the room while I step under the hot water, and I instantly feel better. Washing my hair feels weird because it's so much shorter than it was when I last washed it. I pump out far too much shampoo for the amount of hair I have left, but it smells nice, so it's fine.

I'm singing the words to Worst of You when the music is replaced by ringing. Someone is calling me, and, if I had to guess, it's Calum. Of course, he calls right during the first time in the past several days that I can't answer. Quickly, I rinse the shampoo from my hair and try to scrub my entire body, undoubtedly missing a few places, but I just want to get out.

Tossing the sweatshirt on over my wet hair and clumsily stepping into the boxers, I grab my phone off the counter and hit the button to call Calum back. While it rings, I wrap the towel over my hair and walk out of the bathroom, plopping back on the couch.

"If it isn't my favorite girl on the planet," Calum answers.

My mood instantly lifts but I roll my eyes. "I'm telling Joy that she's not your favorite. She won't be happy."

"That's different and you know it."

I smile. I love that he loves his mom so much, but being ranked higher than her is really such an honor. She's a wonderful lady.

"Sorry to miss your call, I was in the shower."

"No, it's fine! We're driving to the airport now and I just wanted to say hi really quick."

"How was the second show?"

Calum starts talking about a technical issue that I don’t really understand but try to listen intently. Something about the sound in his earpieces cutting off and no one believed or understood him so he had to play the whole show not being able to hear anything. He said the fans made him a sign to remind him of his lyrics (a common trend) and someone threw a beaded bracelet onstage that had a C and an O with a heart between them.

“It’s yours now,” he says. “It won’t fit me but it’ll fit your tiny wrist.”

I smile. It’s a cute memento and I am glad the fans are kind of warming up to me. I try to avoid looking for their opinions and thoughts on me but it’s a bit inescapable if I go on any of the 5SOS pages to check for updates.

“Can’t wait to have it,” I tell him.

“Did I tell you I’ve flown Mum out to Auckland? We’ll get there around the same time.”

“No! You didn’t tell me, but I’m jealous. I miss her.”

“She misses you too. She said they’d love to come to LA for Christmas, too, so we can maybe start planning that?” He says it like a question. “I know it’ll probably be you planning it because I know you love planning but it doesn’t have to be just you.”

My heart gets warmer at the thought. I love hosting and spending time with our favorite people, especially for special occasions. It could also be the first time we get to introduce our families to each other. We only have one guest room, but Cal’s office/studio could fit an air mattress for Mali if she doesn’t bring a partner. My family could just come up for the day, or maybe Cal and I could sleep on the couch and give my moms and brother our room.

Then I remember treatment plans and all of the uncertainty in my future and my head starts to spin. Will we be able to host if I’m going through treatment? Maybe Cal should just go to Australia for Christmas without me, and I’ll stay here and get treatment or just spend it with my own family. I try not to think on it too hard, but there is still, devastatingly, a chance that Calum won’t be happy when I tell him I’ve been lying.

He wouldn’t break up with me over it, I don’t think, but sometimes when he’s mad he does lose sight of rationality. It’s not a unique trait to him. We all do it. He’s never gotten mad at me—we’ve had fights and arguments but he’s never been angry with me specifically, more a situation or something that just frustrates him. I don’t know how he’s going to react, and maybe that’s part of why I didn’t want to tell him at all. I am 98% sure Calum would’ve opted out of tour for me, but that other 2% gnaws at the back of my brain.

Would he have ended it then and there? Why go through the heartache of being with someone you know will die soon?

“Orion?” Cal’s voice interrupts my spiral.

“Sorry, what?”

He laughs. “I said you’d probably want to be in charge of planning Christmas.”

I laugh nervously. “Yeah, I mean… probably.”

He’s silent for a minute. It’s a short pause and with anyone else, it wouldn’t matter or stick out, but with Calum, it does. “You okay?”

I hate how easily he’s able to read me without even being able to see me. I quickly try to come up with an excuse. “Yeah, just been having a hard time sleeping. The apartment feels so empty without you.”

Calum pauses again, and I know it’s because that idea makes him a bit sad. “Would you feel better if Em stayed there? That could be fun, a four month sleepover with your bestie.”

I purse my lips, holding back that Em has already stayed here one night of the three that he’s been gone. “Maybe.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely. Let me know if there’s any way I can help. Even if it’s just to fly home for a day whenever we have a break or to fly you somewhere for a day. I don’t care. I want to see you, especially if you’re down, okay?”

I want to shake my head but he can’t see me. “Cal, it’s fine. We’ll be fine. Just might take a bit to get used to.”

“I don’t want you to get used to a life without me, O. I’m here, forever, okay? Whatever you need, I’m there.”

With each word, I can feel my heart ripping down the middle, inch by inch. I don’t know how it’s still whole.

“I love you,” is all I manage to say. I’m choking back tears, the guilt is so much. How can I keep this up? How can I hold this in?

“I love you, too.” He sounds sad now. “Love, we’re almost to the airport. Do you want me to call you again once we’re through security? We don’t have to stop talking.”

I clear my throat. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. Just text me before you take off.”

“We’re both gonna be fine. I’ve gotta go. I love you.”

I feel my tears slowly trickling down my face and I don’t bother to wipe them away. “I love you. Bye.”

Then we hang up, and I can really start sobbing. Duke runs over, his ears perked up. He’s not sure why I’m crying and he hops up next to me, sticking his face by mine. When he starts licking my face, I stop him. I’d read something about how all bodily fluids post-chemo are essentially poison. I don’t want to get Duke sick, too. I can’t handle that. We can’t both be sick.

I pull Duke close to me and squeeze him as much as I can without hurting him. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, but I know I will, at least for now. I’ll have Em and my moms and Ash and Duke and everything will be fine. It has to be.

next chapter

a/n: spoiler next chapter will have a bomb drop hehehe

[obx-saltlife]

PAINT

Pairing: JJ x Reader You want to redecorate. JJ wants to help. Your plans change. Loosely based on the song Paint – Travis Garland Feat. Jojo Warnings: Smut (duh!), unprotected sex (please be responsible and do not do this), inappropriate use of paint (honestly, like what?) 3.2k of absolute filth tbh.

A/N: hoookay, here it is. More JJ smut. Enjoy and let me know how you like it!

“Oh, dude! What! I thought you weren’t gonna start today!”

Jumping from your spot in the middle of your mostly cleared out bedroom, you clutched your chest and held the half-poster with your other hand. Moving forward, you turned around to find the culprit of your almost heart attack.

“Shit, JJ! How did you get in here?” You asked as he moved from his spot by the door of room to approach you.

“Your mom was on her way out,” JJ Maybank replied, kicking off his beat up boots. “Is that what’s-his-name and Mila Kunis?”

Glancing back at the poster you were holding up, you flattened it out against the wall. A small cringe finding its way onto your face, not exactly sure what you were thinking with your previous choice in room décor. “Natalie Portman, actually.”

Nodding, JJ moved towards you and helped you rip the tape off the poster lightly. He didn’t notice the small confused look you shot his way. While you had planned to start the process of painting your bedroom, JJ was supposed to be taking his Touron Girl of the Month on a date. It’s exactly why you had picked precisely that moment to put your mind to something else. So you could forget that he was out and about with someone else – someone who wasn’t you. You’d always been very determined so it was no surprise that if you put your mind to re-painting your bedroom, you were going to get it done but it was definitely a surprise that JJ had cut his date short.

“You want some help?” He asked, moving towards the plastic tarp and other things you had set up to the side.

“I would love some, but what happened to….Lacey? Kacey? Macy?” You started. “uh, your date, what happened to your date?” You said, turning to him.

Glancing briefly in your direction, JJ averted his eyes to the painting supplies at his fingertips. “Oh, you know, it ended early. Stage Five clinger.” He ended mimicking the sound of a walkie-talkie and chuckling.

Cocking an eyebrow, you replied, “You could tell she was clingy in less than an hour?”

Grabbing the plastic tarp, JJ extended it and began setting it up on the floor as he continued, “Well, no. But I figured as much when she started going on about coming to visit during her breaks from school and shit.”

Laughing, you slapped a hand to your forehead. “I told you something was off way back at that kegger, man. I’m never wrong, Maybank.”

Throwing his head back in a lazy laugh, he groaned. “Yes, I know. I should have listened to my best friend, but I have needs okay? I’m a young boy, so weak…” He drifted off, laughing at his own joke.

Smirking, you turned back around and helped him finish extending the tarp all over the floor. “You say that as if you’re not already sex on legs to all the other Tourons, hanging on all the stupid shit that you say.” You threw the poster on the ground with the tarp, really seeing no use for it anymore.

Clicking his tongue in the obnoxious way you hated, JJ reached over and pushed you gently. “Do you want me to help you or not? Wouldn’t wanna interrupt all the hard work you’ve obviously already done all by yourself.”

“Of course I want your help,” Rolling your eyes, you moved to grab the paint cans you had picked up from the hardware store earlier that morning.

Walking back to the center of the room, you heard JJ shuffle and follow. Lifting the top of the can open, you made sure it was still the right shade of blue that you wanted to use for your own little space in the house. You sighed and stirred the paint a bit before pouring it onto the tray in front of you. You let it air out before standing up and leaning against the previously plastic-covered dresser. A comfortable silence fell between both of you as the paint aired out.

“Do you think it’s possible?” JJ finally asked, eyeing the poster in the corner of the floor.

“Do I think what’s possible?”

“Casual sex, you know, like, with a friend?”

Shrugging, you looked towards the poster again. “I don’t know. It depends on the people and their situation, I guess. Feelings can be a pain in the ass.”

“But it worked out for them, didn’t it?” JJ pressured, moving closer to where you had started dipping the rod in the paint.

You giggled, “Yeah, but it’s a chick targeted movie. I’m pretty sure if I had someone directing my life, I wouldn’t be painting inside on this beautiful day with you.”

Mocking offense, JJ retorted, “And what exactly would you be doing instead?”

Raising your eyebrows, you turned back around to the bare wall as you started applying the first coat of paint.

‘You, for one’ You thought with a smirk as you continued slathering the paint on the wall. Shrugging, you barely turned in his direction, “Just…other things.”

Repeating the process of dipping the rod into the tray, you continued painting the wall in front of you before turning back around to JJ who was watching you intently.

“Cheer up, JJ! We can watch the movie again later and your dick can live vicariously through Ashton’s as he does Natalie Portman.” You said, turning back to the task at hand.

You both fell into a rhythm as JJ shed his cut-off tank and grabbed the spare rod before helping you add color to your dull bedroom walls. It wasn’t hard for you to work as a team; your friendship went back a few years now, when your genius wit helped him get out of some trouble with Officer Shoupe.

Your friendship only grew from there, even after all the dumb shit you and JJ did (and there was a lot of dumb shit), you remained best friends; always together, for better or for worse, through thick and thin. Pogues for life. Your relationship had always been platonic, up until six months ago.

It started at a bonfire in the middle of the summer. After downing a couple beers and taking a nice long walk along the beach, you confessed to JJ the disaster that your first kiss had been. In his drunken stupor, JJ demanded to “fix it” for you. As you continued to ramble on, JJ swept in and kissed you.

The kiss was sloppy and the distinct taste of cheap beer, weed and a very far off hint of mint kind of ruined it, but from there, a new can of worms had been opened. Feelings weaved in and it had all been extremely confusing to say the least. His naturally flirtatious attitude with everybody put a sour feeling in the pit of your stomach and you could hear the irritated tone in his voice when you mentioned another guy friend from work. The sexual tension was definitely there too and despite neither of you making any move for more, it only increased.

JJ liked to play it hot and cold so there was no telling how he’d reach to his friend suddenly making a move to rip his pants off.

Pushing your thoughts to the side, you returned your attention to the now half-finished wall. You dipped the rod in the tray once again and a sly smirk spread on your face. You scooted towards JJ and turned inconspicuously, throwing him a smile when he turned and looked down at you.

You both remained quiet as you worked for the most part, only the odd sigh or grunt here and there, the music playing at a super low volume. JJ was completely focused and surprisingly taking it all very seriously. That is until you heard him snort when you bent over in your shorts to fix the dripping rod.

Feeling his eyes on you, you looked up at him. “What?” You asked as he looked down at you.

He motioned with his hand to your bent over body and playfully rolled his eyes. “Don’t…don’t do that.”

Cocking your head to the side, you played it off like you didn’t know what he was talking about before turning back to the problematic dripping rod.

You were almost done, a triumphant look making its way to your face when you felt something cold against your thigh. You felt paint drip as JJ slapped his hand on your exposed thigh before gasping loudly.

“What the hell, Maybank!?” You shrieked before dipping your fingers into the tray of paint in front of you and flicking it in his direction.

The ocean blue paint splattered over his defined torso before he let out a loud laugh. Looking over to your best friend, you noticed his eyes had intensified in color, contrasting against their usually hazy appearance. His eyes were trained on you, capturing your full attention. While his head remained still, he ran his hand over the rod, scooping up excess paint and copied your flicking motion right back at you. Never had you seen JJ in this light before and it intrigued you, to say the least.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” JJ spoke up; a smirk on his lips and a glint in his eyes.

“Oh?” You smiled coyly, stepping forward and straight up planting your hand on his chest, leaving a paint mark on it.

You bit your lip, “Do you want me to?...finish it?” Inching closer, his hand gravitated back to your exposed thighs. Holding his eyes contact, the right side of your mouth tugged up in a smile.

JJ swallowed hard. “Painting? You want to uh, finish painting?”

‘I’d rather finish you’ You thought, biting your lip again. You simply nodded, knowing your thoughts would make their way out of your mouth if you did otherwise.

Smirking at you, JJ leaned towards you and whispered in your ear. “Then why don’t I believe you?”

He parted his lips to speak but you brought his head back up and crashed your lips together. You could tell he was stunned by your abruptness with his lips staying completely still but JJ was quickly brought into the mood when you felt him nip at your bottom lip. Gasping at his teeth nipping at your lip, you placed your hands on his warm chest, pulling him closer to you. Grabbing the back of your head, paint taking residence in the strands of your hair, he pushed your face closer to his.

Your right hand, still with some leftover paint, traveled to his neck. Your fingernails ran lightly along his neck, leaving traces of the blue pigment. As your nails left his mark on his skin, JJ’s mouth left your own and his tongue ran shyly along your jawline, leaving wet kisses along it before moving down to your neck. You felt his free hand leave a trail of the blue paint alongside your chin and the rest of your neck as he sponged kisses down your throat.

The t-shirt you were wearing was much too big for your frame, allowing JJ to easily pull the shirt up and over your head without much effort. Your mouth dropped, forming an ‘o’ shape, you gripped the nape of his neck, the rest of the paint on your hand finding its way onto the hairs on the back of his head. You guided his head down towards your chest. Feeling you trying to take over the situation, JJ inadvertently reached into the nearby paint can and stepped away from you briefly. A sly smirk donning his face as he flicked his fingers towards your body once more; specks of blue littering your chest before he waved his fingers in a disapproving manner. You gasped in surprise.

“Not tonight,” JJ said, pulling you down to the floor with him. “I’m gonna make you a believer.” You both laughed as he playfully flicked some more paint in your direction.

As he took in your body in front of him, your eyes traced his own. His chest was a little broad and well defined, the clear outline of a ‘V’ defined his hips and disappeared in the waistband of his boxers and his cargo shorts. You pulled your body up so your elbows were resting on the plastic tarp covering the floor as JJ busied himself with his belt buckle. You dipped your fingers into the paint tray and ran two digits down his abs with a smile on your face. With only his belt unbuckled and pants unbuttoned, JJ crawled his way back to you before spreading his legs and bending back down to your chest.

Kissing the hollow space between your collarbones, he moved his head to trail his wet lips along your sternum. Your breathing picked up when JJ moved his head to the left, kissing along the swell of your breast. As his mouth ran along the curvature, his other hand moved to the waistband of the old shorts you were wearing. As JJ undid the button with ease, he ran just the tip of his tongue from the outer part of your breast to your nipple, tracing the areola. The combined sensation of his wet tongue, drying paint and talented fingers rubbing against your underwear, had you curving your back; pushing your chest forward towards him.

Picking up his head, JJ looked at you with his signature shit-eating grin. “Enjoying yourself, are ya’?”

While your body might have given in to JJ, you weren’t ready to verbally admit it yet. Steadying your breathing, you let out a quick, “Not yet.”

Raising an eyebrow, JJ asked, “Not even when I do this?” before lowering his head back to your chest and pursing his lips to take your right nipple in his mouth before sucking it hard.

You pressed your lips together to prevent the moan that vibrated against your vocal chords to escape. You weren’t about to give JJ the satisfaction. You shook your head again as you watched JJ look up at you again.

“Hmm, shame,” JJ replied, bringing his mouth back up to your neck. “Because that little moan you just tried to stop was so fucking hot.”

You could feel his fingers slipping inside your underwear and towards your wet center.

“You don’t have anything you want to say right now?” JJ asked, as his fingers drummed against your clit.

Your breathing was ragged and you struggled to suppress any noises. You shook your head as JJ continued to play with your clit before moving down to your entrance. You were losing to his touch. Wanting to keep an upper hand, you composed yourself fast enough to reach for the zipper of JJ’s cargo shorts.

As JJ continued to whisper dirty but incredibly arousing things in your hear, you slipped your hand in his boxers fast enough so he wouldn’t notice. Feeling he was hardening, you wrapped your hand around him, throwing him completely off-guard. His fingers stopped teasing you, his voice was hitched in his throat.

Moving your hand up and down, you smiled, “Problem, JJ?”

As your hand reached the head of his cock, you ran your thumb along the slit, spreading the first drops of pre-cum around. Gasping, he composed himself just as you shifted your bodies around so that you were now sitting up and JJ was awkwardly hunched over.

JJ groaned your name.

He moved his hands to your back, running them from your shoulder blades to the small of your back. He stopped just at the edge of your underwear. Looping his hand around to your front, he slipped his hand fully into your underwear. Finding your core, he inserted a single finger, curling it upwards and aiming for your g-spot.

With the feeling of his finger pumping into you, you let out your first moan of the afternoon. Your sound caused JJ to pump faster before adding a second finger. You too, continued to pump his length in your hand, the pre-cum oozing from the tip, soothing any friction. Every so often, you would run a finger along the underside of the head, where it met the shaft, causing him to jump.

JJ’s gasps became more frequent and you relished every single one. They hinted he was getting closer to his impending orgasm. Not wanting him to find release in a hand-job, you pushed him down onto the floor. JJ fell back onto the floor with a semi-shocked look on his face. You stood up on your knees and slid your panties all the way down your legs before kicking them off. Now, being fully naked in front of him, you crawled over to JJ, pulling his shorts and boxers down his legs, leaving them in a pool of fabric at his ankles. His length fell back against his stomach and as you positioned yourself above his hips, you took his cock in your hand, guiding him into you. Once JJ filled you completely, you let out a sigh of relief before placing your hands on his chest to steady yourself.

JJ’s own hands moved up form his sides to grip your hips as you found a pace for you both. Using his hands to guide you along his dick, you grinded your hips into his pelvis, causing to blurt out all sorts of profanities.

“Fuck! Oh yeah,” JJ’s eyes rolled back in bliss.

His fingers pressed tightly into the skin of your hips as you felt him moving his hips to meet your own.

“Oh god, JJ” You gasped, quickening your pace. You switched from grinding yourself to moving up and down on his cock.

JJ’s hands traveled down from your hips and rested on your ass. He then began to help you move on top of him, his thrusts becoming harder. You could feel yourself growing closer and closer to your release as JJ’s thrusts had your insides tighten.

As you squeezed around him, your muscles clenched and JJ’s moans grew louder. “Fuck, I’m so…so close.”

Knowing you had brought him to the edge, you clenched your muscles tighter once more before you felt your orgasm explode inside of you; a tight coil, springing loose from deep inside. The evidence of your arousal coating JJ and it wasn’t too long before he followed. The spasm of your walls sent him into a state of ecstasy. His thrusts soon ceased and you felt his head twitch inside you.

With JJ softening inside of you, you leaned down and placed a delicate kiss on his cheek before sneakily dipping two fingers in a nearby paint can and smearing them on his nose. His chest was rising heavily as he tried to regulate his breathing and laughed. He grabbed your head and brought your forehead to his own. Stretching his neck somewhat, he kissed your lips softly and smiled.

“Maybe we should finish painting?” His voice gruff and raspy.

Smirking, you replied. “Dunno, I kinda like what we’re doing right now.”

Returning your smirk, JJ wrapped his arms around you. He pulled you close to him for a repeat of your actions; the painting (at least on the walls) long forgotten.

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

Lucy’s Gift

Calum taking his daughter to buy the perfect Christmas present for you

"Daddy, come on." Calum's daughter tugged at his hand impatiently. "We have to find the perfect gift for me to get Mommy." 

"Lucy, sweetheart, slow down, stay with me," he scolded the four year old who pouted at him over her shoulder. "Yeah, your mother tries that look on me too." 

She stepped back beside him with a huge dramatic sigh that seemed to shake her entire tiny frame. She double checked her yellow glitter Pickachu change purse, where she'd tucked a crisp $100 bill in between her two most treasured Pokemon cards her Uncle Michael had given her for her birthday. The plan was to head to Macy's and buy Mommy the Marc Jacobs perfume gift set she'd been swooning over. Plans changed when two little feet came skidding to a stop next to a jewelry store. 

"Daddy let's go in there," she shouted and he almost lost hold of her hand.

Calum was relieved to see the store wasn't busy. He was a regular enough customer that he was recognized by a salesperson who came rushing over to him. Lucy stepped forward intercepting him and he stopped short as she held out her hand to shake. He glanced up at Calum who stood back, clearly amused and went to shake the little girl's hand. 

"Hello sir," she told him, looking him in the eye before releasing his hand. "My name is Lucy, and I need to find the perfect gift for my mommy." 

"My name is Isaac, and I  can help you with that Miss Lucy." The salesman replied leading her over to a small case with the inexpensive trinkets and clearance items. 

Calum watched his daughter carefully examine the selection in the case, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration. Before she turned to Isaac with a frown.

"This isn't going to work Isaac. I need something pretty enough for my mommy. Right Daddy?" She looked to Calum for backup and he just nodded trying desperately not to crack up. Other customers were watching this exchange as Isaac helped Lucy up into a chair so he could "assist her better." 

Calum pulled his camera out and took pictures and video of Isaac bringing out different items in the $200-$400 price range for Lucy's inspection. She was tough, rejecting at least six pieces before she was almost swayed by a citrine heart pendant necklace. She called Calum over to discuss. Lucy's favorite color was yellow and Calum suspected she almost wanted it for herself. She carefully held it in her palm running her finger along the edge, gnawing at her bottom lip, deep in thought. 

"No," she decided. "Mommy's favorite color is blue, not yellow, but Daddy could buy that for me." She turned her dark pleading eyes on Calum and he cracked up. She might be the spitting image of him, but her mannerisms and expressions came from you. He had a feeling this hundred dollar present was going to cost him around a thousand. 

"OH MY GOSH," he heard her high pitched breathy squeal and realized she'd slipped out of the chair and wandered over to a display a couple feet away. Lucy had her hands on her chest, jaw dropped and starry eyed staring at the jewelry case. 

"My mommy would look like a princess in that," she told the older lady who was standing next to her. "Daddy, daddy come look." Lucy hopped from one foot to the other barely able to contain herself. 

Calum was by her side in two steps and his eyes popped when he saw the price tag. He already had a bracelet on hold for you at this very store but this was about a thousand more than what he'd planned to spend.

"How much is this Isaac?" Lucy asked as he came up next to her. 

She dropped her head when he told her the price. Calum thought she might cry but he noticed she was mumbling to herself and counting on her fingers. She looked up at Calum and then back at Isaac. 

"Ok Isaac," she put her hands on her hips and tried to look bigger. "Let's see if we can reach a deal." 

Calum pulled his phone out, instantly recognizing that wheedling tone of voice, and knowing you'd want to see how you ended up with such a fancy present. 

"My mommy is the most beautiful girl ever in the whole world, and she needs to have this necklace. She would look like a princess and she even bought a dress to wear out with Daddy for New Year's." Lucy stopped and covered her mouth fearing she'd spilled a secret. She turned to Calum. "Daddy stop listening for a minute," she instructed, turning back to Isaac. "Mommy has the prettiest dress and it's blue like this and she has to have this." Lucy was drawing a crowd with her voice getting louder and her movements exaggerated as she fed on the attention. 

"I'll give you a hundred dollars for that necklace, cash." Lucy reached in her purse and showed Isaac the money she'd stashed away. 

"I'm afraid that's not enough Miss Lucy," Isaac informed her.

"You're killing me smalls." Lucy shook her head sadly, and Calum was red in the face trying not to laugh out loud. "Daddy listen again." She tugged on his jacket motioning for him to bend down. 

"Do you have any cash I can borrow?" She asked. 

"I have $750 dollars sweetpea," he whispered.

"Can I borrow it? I'll get you back," she told him.

"How?" He chuckled, "you're four." 

"Mommy will help me do extra chores. Come on Daddy before someone else buys it," Lucy pleaded with him. 

He bent down to examine the necklace, and realized his daughter was right. The dress he hadn't seen you hide in the closet was a shade darker than this necklace and the color was stunning on you. He'd wanted to keep Lucy on her budget but the idea of making both his girls happy with one gift was incredibly tempting. 

He handed Lucy the $750 and watched her turn back to Isaac. 

"Ok Isaac," she began. "I have $850 in cash money right here in my hand. You drive a hard bargain mister but that's all I've got." Lucy shook her head showing him each 

individual bill. She took a big breath before continuing. "$850, take it or leave it."

Isaac glanced up at Calum who nodded discreetly before squatting down to Lucy's height. 

"You drive a hard bargain little lady, but it's a deal." 

He stuck out his hand to shake on it and Lucy had the biggest grin on her face as they did.

"It's a deal," Lucy said, and several people applauded. 

Lucy paid while Calum carefully slipped his charge card in Isaac's hand while Lucy was distracted.

*******

"Open my present Mommy," Lucy reached up thrusting a square box into your hands. Between the hot chocolate and the high of Christmas morning she was practically bouncing off the walls so you couldn't help but notice she and Calum both got very quiet when she handed you your gift. You carefully unwrapped the exquisitely wrapped present as Lucy chattered about "negotiations" and how it was "so perfect. 

You opened the box and gasped, snapping it shut again. 

"Calum, is this real? Are you serious right now?" You ask, stunned.

Calum nods, a huge grin on his face, but Lucy interrupted. 

"No Mommy, this is my present. I bought it with my money." She insisted, climbing up on the couch beside you. 

"Why thank you Lucy." You opened the box again, sneaking a glance at your husband. Calum always went overboard for the holidays. While you tried to restrain him a bit when it came to Lucy, there was no one stopping him when it came to you. 

 Calum squeezed in next to you pulling Lucy onto his lap so he could show you the videos he'd taken off her "talking down" the salesman. You were laughing and crying all at once watching your daughter. Lucy insisted you put the necklace on even though you were dressed in candy cane pajama pants and one of your husband's t shirts. 

"Mommy it's so pretty," Lucy oohed and aahed. "Isn't Mommy the most beautiful princess ever?" 

"You're the princess Lulu." Calum tickled her and she squirmed off the couch. "Mommy is my queen." He leaned in to kiss you and after all these years you still got butterflies when he did. 

"Are we done with presents? When are my cousins coming over?" Lucy launched herself at the two of you. 

"There might be a few more under the tree," Calum replied. "Then you and I are gonna clean up, and get ready for company ok?" 

"Ok Daddy." Lucy shouted over her shoulder, crawling under the tree. 

Calum leaned in to brush his lips against your ear. "Tonight after she's in bed, I can't wait to see you on your knees, wearing nothing but that necklace." 

"Don't worry babe," you whisper, one eye on your daughter. "She's staying with Ashton's girls tonight because you still have toys to unwrap. You've been a very good boy so Christmas is gonna come several times tonight."

@toofadedtofight​ @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995​ @ghostofmashton​ @5sosnsfw​ @dammitbands​ @irwinkitten​ @sexgodashton​ @maluminspace​ @kchillout​

[5sosalh]

200 Days. The Last part.

Y/N P.O.V

3 years later

“That was Y/N Hood with her first Single off of her debut album: Years. We have her in Studio today” Ryan says “Thank you Ryan.” I smile as I put my daughter in my lap. “We also have a first today, Y/n and Calum’s daughter Maci is here.” Maci giggles at Ryan. “Yeah, Calum got suck in a meeting but should be here soon. “ “so Y/N, you have had a busy 3 years.” I nod. “In between having Maci, the wedding and the album, it’s been crazy but crazy in the best way ever.” “Daddy!” Maci points to the glass behind me. “Calum come in.” Ryan waves him in and Maci gets off my lap and runs to him. “Hey, guys.” Calum walks over to me and kisses me. “Y/N, tell us what your second single “Still into you.” Is about.” I smile at Calum as he pulls up a chair. “Well, I wanted to release something that had a lot of meaning to me. Cal and I wrote this song on our honeymoon and I couldn’t think about the song without him singing it with me. “ I pull my guitar into my lap. “It’s the second Single because it shows to me and everyone that is close to us how far we have come.” I smile at my family. “So, you and Calum are going to sing ‘still into you’ for us?” I nod and pull my microphone closer to me. “1,2,3” Calum counts us in as I play.

Calum- Can't count the years on one hand that we've been together

I need the other one to hold you

Make you feel, make you feel better

Y/N - It's not a walk in the park to love each other

But when our fingers interlock, can't deny, can't deny, you're worth it

Both- Cause after all this time

I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you

And baby even on our worst nights

I'm into you

Let 'em wonder how we got this far,

'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all

Yeah, after all this time

I'm still into you

Y/N- Recount the night that I first met your mother

And on the drive back to my house I told you that, I told you that I loved ya

Calum- You felt the weight of the world fall off the shoulder

And to your favorite song we sang along, to the start of forever

Both- And after all this time

I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you

And baby even on our worst nights

I'm into you

Let 'em wonder how we got this far,

'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all

Yeah after all this time

I'm still into you

Y/N- Some things just make sense

And one of those is you and I

Both- Some things just make sense

And even after all this time

Y/N - I'm into you

Calum- Baby not a day goes by that I'm not into you

Both- I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you

And baby even on our worst nights

I'm into you

Let 'em wonder how we got this far,

'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all

Yeah after all this time

I'm still into you

I'm still into you

I'm still into you...

In this moment my heart is so full. I have everything that I need right here. Well everything but Duke. “Calum, I have a few questions for you. “ he nods as Ryan goes on. “How long have you been together at this point?” I look down at our interlock fingers. “8 years together next month, 2 years married in August.” He pulls my hand into his lap. “What was the turning point for you that you knew. ‘Hey, I want to have y/n be By my side forever?” I look at Calum knowing what he is going to say and what the media is going to say about us but at this point in my life i really don’t care. We have came a long way and nothing can break us. “The first part of the Meet You There Tour because I almost lost her. I had cheated and walked out without telling her but little did I know that I would have to see her for the next 200 days on the Tour.” “Wait? That’s the Tour you got engaged on.” I nod watching Maci who is now asleep in Calum’s lap. “We were a mess. We both hurt each other.” I say as Calum jumps in. “ We worked though our problems but we don’t want to hide anything.” “Okay, last thing how are you two going to handle two tours at the same time?” “Actually, it’s only one tour. I’m going to be opening for 5sos this year.” I smile at Calum.

at their house

I’m in the kitchen finishing up dinner for us. “Babe, when are the boys getting here?” I ask Calum as he comes up behind me and holding me putting his head on my shoulder. “about 20 minutes.” I smile as he kisses my shoulder. I turn to face him. “I can’t believe in a week we will be heading out on tour with Maci. “ thinking of the 3 year old that is upstairs playing with a baby size bass that her uncle Ashton had got her. along with a sit of drums that were in our basement at the moment waiting for the soundproof room that we are building to be finished.

Maci had been one of the biggest blessings. Even though she came a month early. I had been taking the last pictures of Calum jumping off of Ashton’s drum platform when my water broke. Luckily it was the last song of the night and we made it to the hospital 15 minutes before she was born. I still remembering wanting to kill Calum because of me being in so much pain. This next baby I will have an epidural. “Baby girl? What are you thinking about?” I kiss his lips “life, its crazy to me that we are here. The last three years have been crazy. Maci was early but she is perfect.” He pulls me as close as possible and I know he’s thinking about the three weeks that’s we were in the hospital waiting for her to come home. The boys had been the best coming home and sitting up her room for us. “Calum? Thank you for believing in me.” “You have a Beautiful voice and great stories to tell if a record label does not believe in you, they are stupid.” I smile at him. For the last two years, I had been going to different labels trying to get signed but no one would sign me because I was Calum Hood’s wife, so Calum and I made our own record label that has Hey Violet, 5sos and I signed. We have came so far. The only thing bad that had happened was the miscarriage a week before our first anniversary. I didn’t know I was pregnant because we had started the label and had so much going on with a 10 month old but we had promised ourselves that we will be ready the next time around

“Hey, lovebirds the party is here!” Michael walks in with a baby carrier and Crystal behind him. “ how’s baby Clifford?” I ask not pulling away from Calum but smiling at the new parents. “Finally sleeping through the night.” Crystal says smiling at her 4 month old baby boy at that moment, Ashton walks in with his girlfriend of a year Lily and Luke with his Girlfriend of 2 years, Taylor. “Hey boys” I pull myself away from Calum for a minute to hug them. “Congratulations, on Years hitting number 1, Y/N.” Ashton hugs me. He, Calum and I never really let the ‘I’m in love with you.’ Stop us from being friends. It had been awkward for a few weeks but when we were in the hospital with Maci, he stayed as long as he could to be there for his best friend. Cashton is still to this day a alive and well. “uncle Ashton!!!!” Maci yells running down the stairs. “Mace!” Ash gets down to her height and hugs her. He definitely is her favorite uncle and why wouldn’t he be? He takes her on ‘dates’ every week buying her whatever she wants. “What about your Uncle Luke and Mic?” I laugh seeing the other boys pouting before Maci runs over to them. I know these guys would die for my little girl. I feel tears in my eyes, pull yourself together Y/n or they will know before you tell them. “Baby? Dinner is ready let’s move this party to the backyard.” Calum says coming back from the kitchen taking my hand as I see Luke put Maci on his shoulders.

-Outside-

We are all sitting around the table, Maci is sitting in Ashton’s lap. “Y/N, why aren’t you drinking?” Michael asks me and I look at Calum, he nods. “Ash, take off Maci’s hoodie for me please.” He takes it off to reveal her shirt that says ‘Only Child Big Sister.’ Luke was the first to his feet. “What?” “You guys are going to have to deal with my mood swings on Tour again.” I laugh as Ashton, Michael And Luke hug me at the same time. “Guys, Y/n needs to be able to breathe.” Calum laughs at them. I look around at my family and I know have found my place in this crazy world. I wouldn’t change the way I got here not even those 200 days.

A/N: this was a lot harder to write then I thought it would be. Let me know what you think.

I promise the blurbs are coming tonight or tomorrow

[pagesuponstpages]

one for the road

ofc: celeste morgan

inspo: “Let’s make snow angels!” “Are you nine?”

word count: +1.8k

synopsis: celeste is the tour manager for 5sos, (and regrettably stuck on the boys’ bus, thus being the unofficial parent over them. despite being the same age as ashton) and they are running late to the concert venue due to snow and traffic, making her more and more grumpy (the other manager of the tour is on her ass for every nit picky thing and blames her for it as well) and ash continues to be a pain in her ass (lbr all of them are, but underneath all that hard-ass-tour-manager-skin, she loves these boys to the ends of the earth maybe ashton a little more than necessary)

a/n: i’m kinda terrified posting this, cause 1. it’s been ages since i’ve posted any fanfic and 2. this is a completely different fandom that i’m writing for… but here goes. hope you enjoy.

“Macie, we’re on our way, with about two hours left.”

“Hope so, cause soundcheck starts in three hours.” Celeste sighed, looking out the window ahead of her. The snowflakes were flying down from the skies, growing thicker and thicker in the past hour, with the windshield wipers going almost at top speed.

“We’re trying with the best we’ve got Macie,” she grumbled into her phone.

“Well try a little harder. Jacob is on my ass if they don’t get here on time.” Celeste frowned. Jacob, the tour coordinator, was on both Celeste and Macie’s asses about everything, from how the boys would not arrive on time (Celeste’s “fault”) or how the venue wouldn’t be available to the crew until the day before or the day of the show (Macie’s “fault”). Much to say that Celeste and Macie shared hatred (even initially bonded over it) for Jacob throughout the entire tour.

“We’ll get there when we get there, and work from there. Plus, the boys don’t technically need to be there for the soundcheck.”

“Babes, you forgot that we sell tickets for soundcheck privileges.” Oh. Right.

“Dammit,” Celeste groaned, “traffic does not look good with the snow accumulating on the highway.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll deal with Jackass when the time comes. Safe travels.”

“Thanks, Macie. See you soon.” Celeste clicked the phone call off, placing her phone next to the clipboard with the seemingly unending lists of things to do. She glanced out the window, bracing herself at the door frame before walking closer to the front of the bus.

“Hey Danny, how we doing?”

“Well Ms. Morgan, it looks like we may be behind schedule with the way the snow keeps coming down.” He didn’t even bat an eye when Celeste sat next to him, as he continued driving, bobbing his head slightly to the music playing in the front. She sighed deeply, rubbing her temples.

“Well, I guess we’ll get there when we get there?” She stood up, wanting to update the boys in the back.

“Yes ma’am, when we’ll get there.”

“Thanks, Danny.” He nodded, while Celeste walked away.

She heard a couple shouts followed by laughter, the closer she got to the end of the tour bus. Once she opened the door, all four boys froze where they were: Michael sat on the couch with his head nearly squashed by Luke’s arm; Calum flopped on top of Luke, their faces inches apart; Ashton was balanced standing on the arm of the couch, leaning forward with his arms spread out wide, about to belly flop onto the other three band members. Celeste rolled her eyes, then walked up to Ash, pulling him back down to the floor, shoving Luke off of Michael and sitting in between them, and then pushed Calum off of Luke to the point of him careening to the floor.

“Ow,” Calum yelped.

“You are all acting like children,” she said, whilst unlocking her phone to pull up the ever-updating schedule.

“So if we’re the children, then you’re our mom!” Luke grinned, perching his chin on her shoulder.

“And if you’re our mom, Ash’s our dad!” Calum said, laying on hers and Luke’s laps. She caught the eye of Ashton, who was sitting on top of the makeshift coffee table in front of them.

“What do you say, wifey?” he said with a smirk plastered on his face.

“I say that there’s a change in schedule, and we’re gonna get to the venue late with the rate that the snow is falling.”

“Oooh, it’s snowing?” Then the curtains in the back, flew open, followed by the oohs and ahhs of the white fluff falling down, slowly piling up on the road.

“So,” she continued, pulling two boys back into their seats, “with the snow and pending traffic, we’ll be late, if not completely miss soundcheck.”

“What do you mean miss soundcheck? We can’t do that-”

“If we’re lucky, we’ll arrive at the venue two hours before the show starts, maybe even an hour,” Celeste said, cutting off Luke, “which barely give you guys enough time to change and warm up before the openers start.” The four boys looked at her, their expressions turning solemn.

“Are we doing anything in exchange for the fans that bought soundcheck tickets?” Calum said, shifting his head in her lap. Celeste nodded, checking her phone to see if Macie got back to her with any updates.

“That is what we and management are planning if traffic does get so bad. But, I’m hoping that will just be the worst case scenario.”

“Well then, if we’re gonna be stuck on this bus for at least three more hours, are we up for a Mario Kart tournament?” Michael said, handing two controls towards Luke and Celeste.

“As much as I would love to kick your asses, I have more work to do,” Celeste said, handing Calum the control.

“C’mon mom, is there really anything that you can do on the bus?” Luke said, raising his brows. She chewed her lip, debating for a few seconds.

“I guess not, other than Jacob’s work, which should technically be done by him,” she trailed.

“Yeah, let the asshole do his own work,” Ashton muttered, picking up a controller from the table. Celeste raised her eyebrows.

“You know?” was all she said, which then Ashton turned around, facing her with a small smile.

“We’ve all witnessed Jacob treat you and Macie like shit,” Calum confessed.

“Jacob Andrews is bloody brilliant in his work, but also a fucking prick.” Ashton nodded.

“Well I’m glad to be only dealing with his bullshit for you guys,” Celeste finally said after moments of silence. “Now, I’m gonna kick your asses on the track.”

“Did the bus just stop?”

Celeste blinked, squinting to see the time.

“What time is it,” she croaked. Her legs were tangled with someone’s and someone else’s blonde curly hair was tickling her cheeks (she wasn’t so sure if it was Luke or Ashton). After their Mario Kart tournament (Celeste got second while Ashton got first, to her disappointment), taking a little over an hour, they all fell asleep, one by one, all curled up in the back of the bus on the couch that they all managed to squeeze onto.

“Around 5 o'clock, I think,” the blonde curls said in front of her (Celeste is pretty sure that’s Ashton).

“How long did we sleep?” Luke grumbled, shifting his legs to sit up, which also prompted her legs to the ground. The next thing she knew was that she was falling, and Ashton was going down with her.

“Oof!”

“Ow!”

There were thudding steps coming to the door.

“The bus stopped.”

Celeste blinked, her eyes coming into focus, realizing that she was on top of someone (Ashton) and that their faces were millimeters apart.

“What do you mean the bus stopped?”

Ashton looked at her, his eyes drinking her face in, and Celeste only now realized that he had flecks of green in his hazel-y brown eyes.

“Hi,” he whispered, whilst the boys around them continued to talk.

“If we don’t move, can we just pretend that we’ve fallen asleep until they leave?” she whispered back while closing her eyes and snuggling closer to him.

“Shh, I think they fell asleep,” she heard Mikey said.

“Let’s go out, I’ve never stepped in this much snow before.” Celeste heard some more shuffling and whispering before the door clicked shut behind them.

“Are they gone?” she whispered to Ashton, right up to his ear. He snored softly, his breaths tickling her neck.

“Are you fucking kidding me, you actually fell asleep?” she said, turning her head to face him. Then she heard his giggle.

“Had to play the part wifey.” She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t force the smile on her face to go away. They both stood up; Celeste picked up her phone to see if she had any text updates from Macie or hell Jacob. But alas, none, which may be contributed to the no signal that she was receiving.

“Where are you going?” Ashton had been walking towards the front of the bus, sliding on a beanie and a jacket from near his bunk.

“The bus stopped. Better take the chance to see the snow,” he said, grinning. Celeste didn’t answer him, but she did grab her coat and bobble hat, following him out the bus.

Once Celeste reached outside, it felt like a whole new world. They were out in the countryside, the ground stretching for miles and miles, all covered in white powdery snow. The sun graciously peeked out from the clouds, and there was a light breeze to bring more snowflakes down.

“Wow,” she breathed.

“It truly is something.” She glanced at Ashton, looking at the winter wonderland ahead of them with the same awe that she had (and still has) moments ago.

“Why did we stop?” she turned to see Danny hop out of the bus, shutting the door behind them.

“Traffic was backed up on the highway for another couple hours, putting us to arrive at the venue by 8 or so,” he replied. Celeste frowned, but nodded for him to continue.

“So I made the executive decision to take the country back roads for a shortcut, which was going rather well for the past hour until we ran out of gas. And the brakes seem to be freezing up a little. It was safest to stop.”

“Did you call management to let them know? And we need to call a tow truck or something the way-”

“Don’t worry about it Celeste, I got it covered. You just relax with the boys in this weather for once,” he said, with a knowing look.

“Are you sure Danny, cause I should technically be doing that since it’s in my job description an-”

“Celeste,” Ashton said, holding her shoulders with his hazel eyes staring into hers, “calm down. Danny’s got it.” She sighed, but nodded while watching Danny walk to the front of the bus, making some phone calls.

“Plus, you need the break. You’ve been running yourself ragged since the tour started.” She focused back on Ashton, who was now walking further into the snow, ignoring that the white powder was coating his dark jeans the further he walked.

“Fine,” she huffed.

“Yay! Now let’s make snow angels!” The three other boys were ahead of them, flopped in the snow in the empty pasture, tens of feet ahead of them.

“Are you nine?” Celeste said, staring at him.

“Maybe so, but c’mon!” And so she did, letting Ashton pull her along to the other boys and wiggle in the snow to make extremely tall snow angels.

And she secretly loved it.

© 2019 pagesuponstpages All Rights Reserved

[whatnotmemes]

--------------------------------Chris Fleming ‘Car Rants’ Sentence Starters some may be nsfw or triggering. change pronouns as needed.

Adventure Dad “It is such a turn off to see a family have scheduled fun.” “Witnessing an adventure family in the throes of an outdoor activity makes me want to put myself in a pelican’s mouth and tell him ‘Just drive.’” “The smile of a father with three sons- all of whom snowboard- is so confrontational, it reads as indecent exposure.” “Connecticut is like the high-schooler wrestling with whether or not he can pull off a baseball cap.” “You know that kind of ‘I’m gonna go through a shoplifting phase and get away with it’ shade of blonde.” “You’re looking at me like a greeter at the Apple store.”

The Majesty of Homophobes (& Makeup Tutorials) “The thing I’ve always admired about townie homophobes is how effortlessly they hold a beer can.” “This is the kind of body you look at and you’re like ‘he’d probably be okay in space without a space suit.’” “I almost envy that beer can- to be held like that.” “That’s the next Pixar movie right there. The story of one homophobe with the cards stacked against him on a journey to prove that he is just as backwards thinking and emotionally repressed as his crew.” “She’s one of those girls who looks like she might be lip gloss disguised as a person.” “I happen to have really big pores. As you can see, I have two really big pores here at the bottom of my nose.” “They call me Popcorn _____; I don’t know why. I know why. I eat all the popcorn.” “What I love about this eyeshadow is it says ‘the only song I’ve ever heard is Pour Some Sugar On Me and I’m not sure where Seattle is.’” “This is a great blush if you’re serious about robbing a TGI Fridays.”

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Proposes on Christmas Eve “This may seem harsh, but he needs to be treated like the night lizard that he is.” “It’s a partnership. You think Ben snuck up on Jerry one day with a waffle cone and took a knee?” “For a guy who thinks that musicals are ‘kinda gay,’ you’re behaving a lot like the kind of guy that Rogers and Hammerstein would dream up while sixty-nining on a piano.” “Nothing gives me the heebies and the jeebies like when the boyfriend consults the parents before he consults her.” “Unless you rode out of your mother’s uterus on a BMX bike, popping a wheelie, there is no excuse to be named Zach.” “Quiche is just pizza that went to private school.” “The Boston Globe should be written in size 72 comic sans. You get more information by reading the cover of Cat Fancy.”

Theater Kids “Theater kids keep to themselves for most of the year- giving each other back rubs in black box theaters or three-way kissing at cast parties in Chinese buffets- but every so often, when Broadway goes Hollywood, they will descend upon Regal Cinemas like locusts in jazz flats.” “If you ever see a theater girl in a sling, just know that it was a Frozen soundtrack related fender bender.” “It’s like Minotaur; you don’t wanna make it mad but you certainly don’t wanna turn it on.” “Enlisting your facebook friends to help you choose your headshots is on the same moral level as taking people and keeping them prisoner in your house for fifteen years.”

Jimmy Buffett “Everyone thinks the biggest threat to America right now is ISIS, North Korea, global warming. Nope, it’s Jimmy Buffett.” “On the eve of your fiftieth birthday, Jimmy Buffett slides down your chimney and tries to convince you to throw in the towel.” “Let’s get fat tonight. Shit out your dreams in a TGI Friday’s.” “Get in a fistfight with your son at an Applebee’s. When the waitress breaks it up, plant one on her cheek and complain about the president.” “Quit your day job and help me throw chicken nuggets at my neighbor’s fruity son.” “Every day is a vacation when you are a huge fuck up.” “I used to have dreams and hopes and ambitions, and now look at me. I’m at a poolside bar and I couldn’t name a book if I had to.”

D Batteries “Anything that requires D batteries needs to get over itself.” “Here is a list of things that would make sense to power using a D battery: a mini cooper, a small plane, Bjork, a Carnival cruise ship, a fucking lighthouse, Disneyworld.” “I would have bought neither and saved the money for a cruise where I can get close enough to suck on the coral reef and tell a platypus my secrets.” “I need to you to make it near a popsicle because I want that summertime vibe because I miss summer and I miss my girls.” “Everyone talks about how great the working conditions are at Google but no one will go into specifics. What does that mean? One word: Pokemon. They’ve bred Pokemon.” “Wait until Diglett realizes he doesn’t have a mouth. Then you’re gonna have to call up Laura Dern and Dennis Nedry ‘cause you’re gonna be in a whole world of bullshit.”

Halloween Candy Countdown “What kind of a prude eats a Crunch bar? You might as well just eat toast.” “Charleston Chews should be sold at Home Depot in the lumber section.” “This is a candy that predates women’s suffrage and it tastes like it.” “I feel like Area 51 is just 3 Muskateers headquarters and it’s where they keep their filling.”

Blocking Your Ears in Public “I’m talking about the kind of guy you’d see at a Home Depot kneeling down in the lumber section, just praying that his son’s not bi.” “She is in the eighth ring of Dante’s Inferno where you have to jack off a Minotaur while eating a jalapeno.” “I firmly believe that president Michelle Obama and first lady Joe Biden should send them to Epcot center to live and die on the teacup ride.” “You can’t name yourself The Edge, especially when you look like a shut in trying to muster up the courage to go to a little league game.”

Baby Got Back brings out the worst in people “Does everyone think that they’re the only person who knows all the lyrics to Baby Got Back?” “Look, I’m happy that you know all the lyrics but please don’t scream them into my cheeks.” “The pride and rage that these people are feeling; it’s a real cole slaw of emotions.” “I’m just alone on the dance floor. I’m in the middle of what, to a non-English speaker must look like a prison riot.” “Everyone’s looking at me like I’m at an Eyes Wide Shut party uninvited.”

Purple Cauliflower “Barney’s stuck under the veggies and only his pubes are showing." “We gotta get Barney out of here! Let’s not make Baby Bop a widow tonight!” “We’re gonna have to make Grimace breed with a cauliflower.” “This is not a veggie. This is an STI that Tinky Winky picked up in a jacuzzi.”

NYU “Oh my god, NYU? Lena Dunham’s crabs went there.” “If only we could find a way, as a nation, to harness the power of the erections that NYU students have about going to NYU.” “NYU is just girls in fedoras trying to get addicted to cigarettes.” “Whenever anyone gets to the end of those Buzzfeed quizzes, their laptop camera should just miraculously turn on, forcing them to confront that haunting, pasty image of themselves.” “Why do I look like an owl prostitute?” “I am thrilled to announce that I have a five year unpaid internship changing Marina Abramovic’s diaper.”

Bread Bowl “Panera is just McDonald’s that studied abroad in France and came back wearing a beret and cigarette jeans, thinking it’s the shit because it got fingered by a mime.” “Was nobody gonna tell me that a bread bowl is just a Trojan horse for soup?” “Who owns Panera? Ashton Kunis?” “I need to see an angry movie. I need to watch Hercules, I’m so mad right now.” “Somebody call Wayne Brady ‘cause I’m gonna die tonight! I don’t know why I brought Wayne Brady into it but I did.” “Ben Folds’ music is just him screaming people’s names, banging his elbows against a baby grand.” “I love to get post traumatic stress during my lunch.” “Somebody send me into space because I can’t be a part of this world anymore. It’s getting too embarrassing.” “If I wanted to be publicly humiliated, I would stand outside Macy’s and announce that my husband doesn’t have a happy trail but that my daughter does.”

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Life & Style, June 17

Cover: Kate Hudson Dumped Again 

Page 1: Photo Flash -- Arie Luyendyk Jr. and Lauren Burnham’s daughter Alessi Ren 

Page 2: Contents 

Page 4: The Top 10 Sophie Turner looks 

Page 6: Twinning! Kate Bosworth vs. Sienna Miller, Rebecca Romijn vs. Laura Dern, Alexa Chung vs. Winnie Harlow 

Page 10: The college cheating scandal has put a huge strain on Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy’s marriage 

Page 12: Inside Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s 13th birthday bash, Naomi Watts worried about her boyfriend Billy Crudup falling for his leading lady Jennifer Aniston, Whose Sports Car Is It? Matt Damon, David Beckham, Lindsay Lohan, Ice T, Cardi B, Patrick Dempsey

Page 13: Kanye West opens up about his ongoing struggle with bipolar disorder on My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman 

Page 14: Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher still struggling to save their marriage for the sake of their children 

Page 15: Luann de Lesseps not taking sobriety seriously, there are rumors of a shake-up at The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon after they lost the ratings war to Stephen Colbert, VIP Style -- Will Ferrell and Jimmy Kimmel, Common, G-Eazy and girlfriend Yasmin Wijnaldum, Russell Westbrook and The Chainsmokers, Eva Longoria, Cuba Gooding Jr., Chrissy Teigen and DJ Khaled, Drew Barrymore 

Page 16: The Week in Photos -- Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid 

Page 20: James Corden and Naomi Scott and Mena Massoud and Will Smith, Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon 

Page 22: Britney Spears, Gal Gadot 

Page 23: Chris Hemsworth 

Page 24: David Beckham and kids Cruz and Harper, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Garner 

Page 26: Stars Behaving Badly -- Farrah Abraham, David Arquette and sons, Adam Levine and Chrissy Teigen and John Legend 

Page 28: Chrissy Teigen, John Travolta, James Marsden, Reese Witherspoon, Brad Pitt 

Page 30: The Bachelorette Hannah B. blindsided 

Page 31: Kody Brown on the lookout for wife no. 5, Rose Leslie send husband Kit Harington to rehab 

Page 34: Kate Hudson dumped by baby daddy no. 3 Danny Fujikawa

Page 38: Inside Prince William and Kate Middleton’s private world -- the hands-on parents work hard to keep things real at home 

Page 40: Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo -- trouble in paradise -- his shocking decision to quit The Voice gives him time to refocus on his marriage 

Page 42: Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott happier than ever after 13 years 

Page 44: Entertainment 

Page 45: Star Review -- Alyson Hannigan, As Seen On-Screen -- The Bachelorette’s Hannah Brown’s Naturalizer Cairo White Mesh/Canvas sneakers 

Page 48: Who Lives Here? Cindy Crawford 

Page 50: Style Crush -- Gabrielle Union 

Page 52: Diva or Down-to-Earth? Lili Reinhart, Lorde 

Page 53: Christina Milian, Chris Hemsworth 

Page 54: Social Stars Posts of the Week -- Bella Hadid, Johnny Galecki and Alaina Meyer are having a son, Tan France 

Page 55: Nick Carter and pregnant wife Lauren and son Odin, newlyweds Cheryl Burke and Matthew Lawrence, Millie Bobby Brown, Alec Baldwin and wife and four kids 

Page 56: Horoscope -- Gemini Courteney Cox, They’re Not Together But They Should Be -- Gemini Chris Evans and Libra Brie Larson 

Page 58: Made Ya Look! Sienna Miller and Chadwick Boseman 

Page 60: What I’m Into -- Whitney Port 

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All 12 times the stars at the SAG Awards threw shade at Donald Trump

LOS ANGELES — Thirteen categories, 12 messages of unity with Muslim Americans and/or Donald Trump zingers.

The 23rd annual Screen Actors Guild Awards were nothing if not consistent in message.

Whether scathing or subtle, just about everyone who took the stage Sunday night to collect an award had something to say about the #MuslimBan — starting with the red carpet and lasting all the way to the final speech.

Here are all 12 times the issue was addressed on the telecast:

Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher was first to speak at the 23rd annual Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

The SAG Awards don't have an emcee, per se, but the That '70s Show actor was the first famous face we saw, and he jumped right on it:

Good evening fellow SAG/AFTRA members, and everyone at home, and everyone in airports that belong in my America. You are a part of the fabric of who we are, and we love you and we welcome you.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Julia Louis-Dreyfus accepting at the 23rd annual Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

As soon as we heard JLD won Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series for Veep, we knew this was gonna be funny:

Whether the Russians did or did not hack the voting of tonight's SAG awards, I look out on the��million — or million and a half people — in this room and I say, this award is legitimate and I won. I am the winner. The winner is me. Landslide. To a less insane note ... I want you all to know that I am the daughter of an immigrant. My father fled religious persecution in Nazi occupied France ... and I love this country. ... This immigrant ban is a blemish, and it is un-American.

William H. Macy

William H. Macy accepts at the 23rd annual Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

Macy won Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series for playing a terrible, terrible person in Shameless.

I would like to go against the stream this evening and thank President Trump … for making Frank Gallagher seem so normal.   

The 'Orange is the New Black' cast

Taylor Schilling, Taryn Manning and Uzo Aduba pose after their big win.

Taylor Schilling took the mic for the cast's win for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series:

We’d like to say that we stand up here representing a diverse group of people, representing generations of families who have sought a better life here, from places like Nigeria, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Colombia, Ireland (Brooklyn!) yes. And we know that it’s gonna be up to all of us, and probably you, too, to keep telling stories that show what unites us is stronger than the forces that seek to divide us.    

Viggo Mortensen and Catherine Hahn

Viggo Mortensen, left, and Kathryn Hahn, stickin' it to the man.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

Viggo Mortensen and Kathryn Hahn, stars of Captain Fantastic, used a bit from their film (about a big family that lives off the grid) while presenting an award. 

Mortensen threw his fist in the air, saying "Power to the people!"

And right on cue, the rest of the cast, all sitting together, jumped to their feet and cried:

STICK IT TO THE MAN!

Mahershala Ali

Mahershala Ali doesn't want anyone folding into themselves.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

Ali won Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role  for Moonlight, then launched into an emotional plea:

What I’ve learned from working on Moonlight is, uh, we see what happens when we persecute people. They fold into themselves. And what was so great about having the opportunity to play Juan was playing a gentleman folding into himself as a result of persecution by his community, and taking that opportunity to uplift him and tell him that he mattered, and that he was OK, and accept him. ... I hope we do a better job of that. We kinda get caught up in the minutiae, the details that make us all different; I think there’s two ways of seeing that. There’s an opportunity to see the texture of that person, to see the characteristics that make them unique. And then there’s the opportunity to go to war about it. And to say that person is different form me and I don’t like you. Let’s battle. My mother is an ordained minister. I’m a Muslim. She didn’t do backflips when I called to tell her I converted 17 years ago. But I tell you now: We put things to the side. And I’m able to see her, and she’s able to see me. We love each other, the love is grown.

Sarah Paulson

Sarah Paulson and her guest — Marcia Clark herself — arrive at the 23rd annual Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Image: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Paulson won for her portrayal of crusading lawyer Marcia Clark, then advocated for some other crusading lawyers:

Any spare money that anyone may have they should donate to the ACLU … to protect the rights and liberties of people across the country. It’s a vital organization that relies entirely on our support. So please, if you can — thank you very much.   

Bryan Cranston

Bryan Cranston to the stage.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

Cranston won Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Limited Series for All the Way, in which he played Lyndon B. Johnson — and felt like he gained an understanding of the former president in the process:

How would Lyndon Johnson think about Donald Trump? And I honestly feel that 36 would put his arm around 45 and earnestly wish him success. And he would whisper in his ear something he said often, as a form of encouragement — and a cautionary tale — "Just don’t piss in the soup that all of us gotta eat."

Lily Tomlin

Lily Tomlin in the celebration of a lifetime.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

Lily Tomlin had one of the night's lighter, more levity-filled speeches, but got into it at the end:

The Doomsday Clock has been moved up to 2 1/2 minutes to midnight. And this awards, it came just in the nick of time….  Live your life so that when you are being honored for your achievements … the people called upon to make laudatory remarks can be reasonably honest. In these times, all their words might be perceived as alternative facts, or worse yet, fake news. ... What sign should I make for the next march? So much to do, global warming, Standing Rock, LBGT issues, Chinese missiles ...

Alia Shawkat

Alia Shawkat (right) had a special greeting for the SAG Awards.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

The Search Party star was presenting the award for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series, and opened with the traditional Arabic greeting:

Salaam Alaikum!

Emma Stone

Emma Stone accepts for the ones who dream.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

The winner for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role (La La Land, of course) was pretty overwhelmed, but got her comment in, too:

Just … we’re in a really tricky time in our country and things are very inexcusable and scary and need action and I’m so grateful to be part of a group of people that cares and wants to reflect things back to society.

Taraji P. Henson

Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monae and Taraji P. Henson — hidden figures no more.

Image: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

Hidden Figures won the night's big honor — Best Ensemble — and Henson took the mic for a final grace note:

[Hidden Figures] story is of unity. This story is about what happens when we put our differences aside. And we come together as a human race, we win. Love wins. Every time. Thank you so much for appreciating the work we've done, thank you so much for appreciating these women.

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(Adalynn POV)

The first trimester is never fails to remind me that while motherhood is the ultimate blessing, there are times that require prayers of patience - with morning sickness lasting the entire day. The natural spacing of my pregnancies mean that by the time I have another baby, I've forgotten the tiredness and sickness that comes with pregnancy. The kids are great at being patient with me as I adjust to not being 100% all the time, the older boys have really stepped up with their chores and have recruited their younger brothers to help them. I of course to the cooking and the main cleaning, but the boys have almost demanded that they take care of their own laundry, so I've been overseeing the laundry process and teaching the boys about the separation of colours and the importance of doing so.

The boys have tried to get involved with the cooking, but I prefer to deal with it myself for now. Maybe once this baby comes then I can do basic cooking skills with Noah and maybe Luke, I was their age when I started learning the basics of cooking, so whilst they are boys I do think this is an important life skill to teach them as they grow up. For now, we're bridging the gap by me sitting down with the boys and we plan the meals that we'll eat as well as the snacks. The snacks are a lot more accessible to them, so hopefully this helps them feel more like they're helping.

My sisters Annette and Ashton came down and stayed with us for about a week, now that Ashton is done with school there's a lot more time in her schedule for her to come and see us. The boys love it whenever their aunts and uncles come see them, they spend extra time cleaning up around the house so that there's more time to focus on just being with their aunts/uncles. Mason does nightly devotions with the family before the boys go to sleep, we do it before the toddlers sleep since the older boys can be up a bit later. The older boys got to stay up a bit passed their bedtimes to chat with their aunts, though we did put them to bed so we could talk as adults.

The more children I have, the more I can appreciate getting some quiet time to myself. I like to 'put the kitchen to bed' and have it spotless for when I wake up the next morning, and depending on what is for breakfast I'll sometimes prep part/all of it beforehand. I've enjoyed needlepoint since I was a little girl, I do knit but needlepoint is just a different type of enjoyment. I've got a groupchat with Kyleigh, Macie, my mother, a few of my aunts, and some other ladies from my parents church in Newcrest, and between us we crochet, knit, embroider, and sew. We all send each other what we're working on an encourage each other to actually finish the projects we're starting.

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(Kyleigh's POV)(Summary: Kyleigh is married to Barrett Collins, Allan and Casandra's 2nd child of 13 and the oldest of their first set of twins. They've got 9 children and she's pregnant with their 10th, they're obviously very quiverfull and are also part heirs for this gen.)

We recently had little Preston dedicated to the Lord this past sunday! It's such a blessing as parents to be able to take your child and dedicate them back to the Lord as a thanks for being blessed with them. And to think, soon we'll be doing the same with this baby that's about to join us, we're approaching the finish line with this pregnancy and we're all excited for baby to join us. As usual, we haven't found out if baby is a girl or a boy, just praying for a healthy baby. We're so thankful that we're able to attend church with Barrett's family and that his father is the pastor, and therefore was able to do the dedication of his grandson. Growing up as a little girl, I used to dream of the day's that I'd have children and being able to dedicate them the way that I saw children being dedicated at church growing up.

The children love when they get to hang at their grandparents house for their music lessons. Having all the big kids at the big house means that I only have the toddlers at home, and it's a lot slower and lets me get the big things done whilst they're working on their music. All the children rotate through piano and violin lessons with Macie, Annette, and sometimes even Ashton (when she's not busy with homeschool) Their attending a music camp that our church is putting on in a few weeks, so there's specific pieces of music that they've been practicing on both instruments.

When some are doing music practice, others are having one on one time with their grandparents. Depending on her schedule, sometimes Casandra will even do the kids' school with them so that we can tick it off for the day! It's such a blessing that they're able to have such Godly examples in both sets of grandparents, recently they've been enamoured with the stories that Allan and Casandra have from their recent missions trip to Selvadorada.

Recently Macie spearheaded a project to redo the entire of the bottom floor, some of the boys who work construction at our church knocked down the wall that used to separate the living room and the dining room. Macie also undertook a major project to print and frame recent family pictures to update the pictures on the wall, the only pictures that were on the wall prior were ones from when the original 13 kids were children and a few wedding photos!

Having the pictures on the wall is a great way to walk down memory lane, from the days when Allan and Casandra were in their youth, to the days when Ashton was the last child, and to the days when Adalynn and I were first pregnant together. Time flies so fast that we really need to slow down and be thankful for everything we have.

It's also great seeing all the updated family photos over time, as well as the big family photos that we take at each family wedding. Casandra says that it brings her heart such joy to see the amount of people in family pictures get larger and larger with each wedding. One special project in the dining room is having a portrait of each couple at their wedding on the wall, right now Charles and Lorilee's portrait is missing, but now that Macie is back from their mission trip she can work on it.

(AN: Here's a collage of the updated wedding portraits for each couple, it's fun to see the variety in each couple as time passes)

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Harvestfest

(Adalynn’s POV)

(Ignore the fact that some people are missing, in spite of having a detailed pose planned out I forgot to add some people and it was too late to go and add them, at the point I’d spent 4 days trying to get almost 50 people to pose and was at the end of my rope 😂)

Happy Harvestfest! It felt so good to gather with all my family as we focus on being together, being grateful, and sharing in the blessings the Lord has showered on all of us. With so many of us now married and having to split holidays between our family and our in-laws, we all sat down and decided that the holiday that would bring us all together at the big house in Newcrest would be Harvestfest, meaning that we’re left to be with our other family at Winterfest. This year there were 46 people to fill up my parent’s house, which just goes to show how much the Lord has blessed us in the past 12 years, before I got married there would only be the 15 of us around the table digging in to the 2 turkeys that us Zoe and I would wake up at 4am to pick fresh from the farm, sharing in the sides that Macie would prepare for the evening, and laughing and singing together. One thing I’m very grateful for are all the children that are running around again, growing up it would be Charles, Parker, and Ashton that entertained us all with their shenanigans, but once they grew up and grew out of it then we all missed the sounds of having children around the house. Now there are 22 children that run around and call my parents ‘grandma and grandpa’. 

(Updates on the family are under the cut!)

Allan (55) and Casandra (52) Collins

My parents are thriving in this season of life they’re in! This year they’ve completed 34 years of marriage, what a testimony! Dad is still the pastor at Newcrest Baptist, the Lord has blessed the church abundantly allowing for dad to hire on additional pastors, which gives him the chance to speak at various conferences whilst not having to worry about his congregation in Newcrest being left stranded. Mum has been finishing up school with Ashton, the last kid in the Collins Homeschool, can you believe it? She’s managed to successfully homeschool 13 children from Kindergarten all the way to the end of highschool, which is no easy feat considering how different we all are. At Ashtons graduation party we’re planning on honouring her for all that she did to homeschool us and how she did and continues to pour into all of us. Since Ashton is basically self sufficient with schooling, mum has a lot more time to travel around and visit her grandbabies, since Barrett and Kyleigh’s kids are the closest to us she’s always having them over at the big house or going over for a few hours a day to continue to pour into the lives of her grandchildren. She also gets invited to speak at different ladies’ meetings in the wider area, as well as joining our dad on speaking engagements, either accompanying him to speak at different churches or speaking with him at loads of different marriage conferences. It’s such a blessing to see my parents be so richly rewarded for their dedication to the Lord!

The Leonard Family - Mason (34), Adalynn (33), Noah (10), Luke (8), Aaron (7), Paul (6), Joshua (4), Caleb & Jonah (1)

We’re excited to be expecting baby number 8! As time passes and I’m blessed with more children, I’ve realised I have a very consistent pattern of getting pregnant when the youngest child is almost 2 years old. Well, since the twins 2nd birthday is coming up I decided on a whim to take a pregnancy test and it was positive! As usual we’re not finding out the gender until the baby is born, but with the current numbers I’ve got I’m going to guess that this baby is a boy. The boys are excited to have another sibling on the way, but while we wait for the new baby to join us I’ve got the boys focusing on their school work. The oldest four boys are steadily progressing in their work and are loving school, they also love working on gaining their scout badges before the end of the year so they can progress onto the next level. Another exciting thing in our house is the nativity play that our church is putting on this Winterfest, the boys are in the children’s choir meaning that all our music practice has turned into Winterfest practice. Mason’s sister Molly is getting married soon as well, so the family has been gearing up to host people at her wedding in the next few months.

The Collins Family - Barrett (31), Kyleigh (29), Chloe, Allan Jr & Benjamin (8), Rose & Violet (6), Daisy (6), Marigold (5), Olivia (3), Preston (1)

Barrett & Kyleigh are also expecting a baby, this baby joining the family will be baby number 10 with the gender being a surprise! They live in Newcrest so they’ve got the advantage of being by the big house and seeing my parents all the time, as well as all my siblings who still live at home. Kyleigh and I are in the same boat are up to our ears in school books, but when you add in the fact she’s got 2 extra kids than I do, it’s amazing how calm she is about it! You’d never know she’s actively homeschooling 7 children whilst also running after two toddlers, she makes it look so easy! With everything happening in their house they’ve got plans for even more disruption, an old family friend that owns a construction company has offered to add an extension to their house purely to be a blessing to them! They currently live in a 3 bedroom house and the current plan is to add a second floor to the house to give them more room to grow, and with them adding a new baby every year I can tell there is going to be a lot of growing for their family to do.

The Moreno Family - Francisco (33), Zoe (29), and Javier Jr (2)

Francisco and Zoe are also expecting, and when we were all together they shared that they were having a baby girl! They’re not sharing the name they’ve picked out now, so we’re all waiting for baby girl to make her appearance so we can hear the no doubt beautiful name they’ve picked out. Little JJ is growing in leaps and bounds, it’s so hard being far away from family, which makes us cherish these times that we get to be all together even more. In other news, they’ve officially moved out of Oasis Springs and are excited to be starting out this new season of life as they get settled in Windenburg. They’ll be stationed there for the next 2 or maybe even 3 years, meaning that Zoe gets a few years living close to our sister Amira as well as our cousin Brittany. 

The Wright Family - Shane (26), Maggie (25), Arlo & Iris (1)

Shane and Maggie are enjoying their new season of life with the twins growing into toddlers and enjoying the learning curve that comes with having not one, but two toddlers running all over the place. Shane continues to work at the design agency, and now that the twins are slightly older Maggie has started going back to doing more freelance photography jobs, and is hoping to start back at the office full time soon. Their current plans for the winter include a family skiing vacation at Mt Komorebi along with Reece and Stacie and their in-laws for Winterfest. 

The Collins Family - Reece and Stacie (24), Liam (3), Hazel (1)

Reece and Stacie are also enjoying life with their family of 4 after the addition of little Hazel. Liam is starting kindergarten which is keeping Stacie busy with them as they start an official homeschooling programme, with the addition of Hazel’s basic toddler care as she attempts to be like her big brother. As well as starting school, the mother’s at their church have created a play group to help the kids socialise with each other since most of the families homeschool their children, so Liam is making new friends at church too. Their plans for winter include a ski holiday in Mt.Komorebi with Maggie, Shane, and their in-laws as well as with Stacie’s mother and sister.

The Collins Family - Beckett (23) and Mandy (21)

Beckett and Mandy made the journey home from Selvadorada in time for Harvestfest with the entire family. There’s not pregnancy news on the horizon for these two, but their lives are full of blessings in other forms; They’re in the process of fundraising to continue to build a church in Selvadorada, they hope to be able to educate the Salvadoradian population on the ways of the Lord with this new church. Currently Beckett pastors at an old church building, with Mandy helping teach english and Bible at the local school, she also sometimes helps the local midwives with deliveries and aftercare for postpartum mothers. While they’re in Newcrest they’ll be travelling to various churches in the local and wider area to help fundraise, as well as catch up on all their shopping whilst they’re still here, they’ll also head over to Oasis Springs to see Mandy’s family before they leave. Over the winter they’ll be hosting Macie, Celeste, Annette, as well as other youths from Newcrest Baptist as they head over to Selvadorada on a missions trip! 

The Eichelburg Family - Thomas (23) and Amira (22)

Amira is also expecting! The couple announced their pregnancy to the family when they arrived at the big house, she’s currently in her second trimester and currently doesn’t know the gender of the baby. In Windenburg she helps with the children’s church programmes or volunteers at a local charity shop in her spare time whilst Thomas is at work, now with the pregnancy she’s got other things to keep her busy. She’s planning to have her baby shower in her third trimester, so that should happen sometime in the next month or so, it’ll definitely be easier for her with Zoe moving close to her now. Their winter plans include planning the baby shower, escaping on a quick babymoon, and preparing to welcome their new addition before the new year! 

The Roberts Family - Felix (25), Priscilla (20), and Andrew (1)

Priscilla and Felix are enjoying this new season of life with little Andrew, he’s definitely put Priscilla through her paces as she learns how to deal with a toddler that’s her own child and not a child she can give back to their parents at the end of the day. Felix is working at his father’s offices as an Attorney, so is kept busy during the day before coming home to Priscilla and Andrew in the evening. Whilst Priscilla is loving time with Andrew, she can’t deny that she’s definitely praying to get pregnant soon! Their winter plans include helping campaign for the local conservative candidate in the local primary elections, as well as Priscilla helping coordinate their church’s winter show.

Charles (19) and Lorilee Mitchell (18)

These two are engaged! Charles proposed to Lorilee just before Harvestfest, hence the now allowed hand holding. The family is so excited to have another boy get married, with the couple planning a winter wedding in the bride’s hometown of Windenburg. Charles finished up with his pilot’s license soon before he proposed and he’s started working with the missions centre attached to Newcrest Baptist to help with their ministry efforts. He’s saved up enough to buy a small house a few miles away from my parents, so the couple will have a house to move into after their wedding.

Macie (31), Annette (21), Parker (18), Ashton (16)

There are the current singles at home, Macie is still living at home but is making herself useful to those around her in an effort to be a blessing and to pour herself into others to glorify the Lord. When she’s home in Newcrest she helps Ashton with difficult work and cares for the garden, visits her local nieces and nephews, serves at church, and bakes goodies to gift different members of our church family with. When she’s not home she’s travelling to see her many siblings and nieces/nephews scattered around everywhere, she also leads programmes at various christian retreats for young ladies and older single ladies as well. This winter she’s travelling with others to Selvadorada on a missions trip and will stay with Beckett and Mandy, as well as helping to prepare for Charles and Lorilee’s wedding.

Annette is primarily works as a babysitter/mother’s helper for the different women at church, as well as helping babysit her nieces and nephews or even her cousin’s children. When she’s not doing that she’s travelling to women’s retreats with Macie to help run the programmes or work in the kitchen.

Parker has graduated highschool and has started working for a construction company that is owned by a member of Newcrest Baptist, he’s starting out as an apprentice and hopes to learn enough to make this a full time career.

Ashton is the youngest and is currently the last Collins child being homeschooled by Casandra, she’s working through her final year and is on track to graduate early in the spring. The family is planning a graduation party to celebrate the youngest child finishing school, and the official retirement of our mother as our teacher!

The four pregnancies

The four pregnant women got together for a picture, it’s such a blessing to be pregnant at the same time as my sisters and my sister-in-love! Between Zoe, Kyleigh, and I we’ve got a combination of 17 children, and we’re adding 4 more since we’re all having singletons. Once all these children are born my parents will have a total of 26 grandchildren, what a blessing!

(AN) I just want to say thank you to everyone who left their condolences after I shared that we lost a friend, her funeral was last week and some friends were able to fly back to the states and see her laid to rest with full military honours. This is such a great community and I love being a part of it, thanks to everyone for being so great 💛

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3, 6, 21 (doesn't have to be fundie)

[3] what’s your favorite world?

I'd have to say my favourite for building is Newcrest purely for the freedom you have to do what you want, in terms of scenery I'm sort of split between Windenburg and Sulani. They've both got beautiful scenery that is on two different ends of the weather spectrum, sometimes I just roam with the camera to see the mountains/beaches because they are so well done, especially with seasons installed!

[6] what are your thoughts on the most recent pack? (dream home decorator)

This question made me go into origin to go look at the pack actually 😂I've not been paying attention to the new releases, but looking at the CAS items on origin, I really like them, they've got great fundie potential 😂. However, I have heard about the multitude of problems with the career in-game, which at this point is to be expected with anything EA puts out. I'll be waiting for the sales to hit before I even think about adding it to my collection.

[21] who is your favorite sim of yours and what is their story?

My favourite sim would have to be Adalynn, I don't know whether it's because we're both the oldest kids who basically had to raise their siblings (her 12 younger to my 2 younger), or whether its the fact that she's the first sim from gen 3 in a save that I've actually kept playing 😂 Luckily for me I wrote her story for the family tree, so i'll just copy and paste that - under the cut because it's long 😂

"The oldest of Allan and Casandra’s 13 children, Adalynn was used to a very busy household. Homeschooled by her mother along with her siblings, she was schooled from a young age on what it takes to be a good wife and mother. The older she got and the more children her parents had, the more she took on childcare responsibilities. She spent time learning the violin and piano with her siblings and cousins, taking time to go to camp where she was able to use her music to worship the Lord along with many like minded girls; once she was older and more accomplished, she started teaching her siblings the piano and violin. Her parents used a buddy system to assign a younger child to an older child to make it easier to care for them. The first of her buddies were Maggie and Reece when they were newborns, the pattern set was that Adalynn would be assigned the newest baby at birth, then it would be passed on to Macie as the new baby came through and the previous one aged up. Her last set of buddies were Charles, Parker and Ashton, the youngest three children.

The obligations of buddies was that the older child had to make sure that their buddies were dressed at the start of the day, they then make sure that they eat and get their schoolwork done. When the buddy assigned to them is a toddler, then the older child's job is to skill build with them (communication, imagination, thinking, movement), potty train them, and change their diapers accordingly. When she was older and her siblings were no longer toddlers, she started working as a babysitter on the weekends for some families at their church to save up pocket money for herself.

Every summer since she was young, her family would attend a Family Bible Camp in which they’d mingle with other like minded homeschooling families. One of those families are the Leonards. Adalynn met Mason Leonard and his family at camp while she was young, but being busy keeping her siblings in line or attending sessions herself meant that she never had the time to even start thinking about boys. Her parents always taught them that courtship was the best way to go, telling them stories of their own courtship that led to their marriage and 13 children. Casandra taught all of her girls that they should never be forward with how they feel, so that they aren’t seen as too ‘fast’ or ‘forward’. Therefore, Adalynn put Mason to the back of her mind and made it a point to pray for her future husband (whoever that may be). After sharing her heart with her mother, Casandra invited the Leonard family over for fellowship and a meal after (also inviting them to their Easter service at church) their Easter church service. This allowed Mason and Adalynn to get to know each other in an environment with other people, it was after this that Mason asked Allan and Casandra’s permission to court Adalynn, which they accepted. Mason courted Adalynn in the spring, and proposed soon after, and they were married on the first Saturday of the summer.

They’re happily married and live a few houses down from Mason’s parents, their kids come one after the other but they make do with what they’ve got."

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1, 12 about the Alan & Cassandra branch of the Collins family tree, 17 about Adalynn, 27, and 29

As usual, it gets longer than i anticipated, so more after the cut!

[1] Favourite Character?

If I had to pick a fundie character, I'd probably pick Adalynn. I'm definitely more attached to gen 3 than to gen 2 right now, and she's one of the characters whose lives I've truly fleshed out and who I almost think of as a real person.

[12] How judgy is Allan & Casandra & their family? Will they outright criticize and get mad at less fundie family members, or do they leave them be?

Oo these 2 are in my mind a mix of both JB&M and G&KJ, but more like the Bates parents - they love all their children, but the children who are still fundie as hell will have an easier time than those who have deviated in obvious ways. For example, they're probably closest to Adalynn and Barrett's families as they're the ones who have had the most children. In comparison to their relationships with Maggie, they love each other, but they definitely have to lean into their beliefs that the husband chooses how the family is run and therefore can't outright criticise Maggie for how she lives her life - they're just happy that they're still conservative christians and not heathen liberals 😂 The pants wearing and number of children is definitely a point that they've realised that is something that depends on the couples, so they're simply happy that their kids.

The children's relationships depend on the relationships they have with each other, Adalynn and Macie are like mothers to their siblings and just want happiness for them, but Macie is the more judgemental one out of the two that still drink the kool aid. Barrett is definitely the most fundie out of the boys and will be more critical of people's choices, but good old Kyleigh is there to remind him that thats none of their business as long as they're following God. Zoe also has that motherly bond with her siblings, and since marrying and moving away has been moulding her own beliefs, so she doesn't judge as long as they don't stray too far to the left, so to speak. From Maggie down to Amira (with the exception of beckett the mega fundie) are definitely non judgemental as they're currently labelled as fundie lite or conservative christians. In my head Priscilla is that sibling that is very judgemental because she thinks she's better than everyone else, so she's judged her siblings (especially Maggie) for any slight deviation to what their parents taught. The final 4 aren't married, so they're stuck listening to what their parents say on the matter.

[17] Can you share a surprising/not-fun fact about Adalynn?

One non-fun fact about Adalynn is that she virtually raised the last 3 kids, from the moment they were born until she left the house she was responsible for Charles, Parker, and Ashton. In fact, the baby bassinet stayed in the girls room rather than in Allan and Casandra’s, so that Adalynn could wake up with the baby whenever they needed help.

[27] How many descendants would your gen 1 couple have is this was real life?

So, the maths tells me that after 3 complete generations, with each generation lasting 25 years, with an average of 9 children: Laurent and Zoe would have 819 grandchildren after 75 years, which is a horrifying amount of people. 

[29] How do you choose which sims become more fundie and which become less?

I analyse the dynamics that I’ve created for each family, since I know how the personalities of each sim works I can sort of try and gauge how fundie they’d be after they get married and are in control of their own lives. Traits and the interpersonal relationships helped when deciding, for example, Maggie has always been willing to go against the grain. As a toddler and child she was disciplined for her behaviour more often than her siblings were, she’d always get distracted when doing homework and would need to be helped. This helped me decide that she’d be the first one to fully make the switch away from fundamentalism and into regular conservatism. It does help that there’s a quite a spectrum when it comes to being fundie, it helps put the different people at different places on the scale.

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(AN: OOF this is LATE! My Tumblr partnered up with my stressed Arab wifi to really misbehave today, but I feel like once you see how long this is, it will be worth the wait. You know how I mentioned some things were subject to change? Well I literally added new segments in and posed them very last minute in time for this, so this is very, very long! Hope y’all enjoy!)

Day 2 schedule:

Morning Session

Day 2 of family camp began bright and early, with the mess hall opening up at 7am for breakfast, allowing the attendants time to get all their family members ready and eat before the days programs start. The father’s session then starts at 9, with the registration for children activities opening up at 9 as well to allow for all the children to be registered for their classes.

Allan led the Father’s Session, his first part was called ‘My Promise to My Father’, in which he spoke to the audience of other fathers on his personal testimony as a young man. He spoke on how his father was his greatest example as he grew up, and how he promised his father that he would do whatever it takes to lead his family in the way of the Lord - and proceeded to speak on how he endeavored to keep that promise in his adult life. His second part was called ‘What you can do for your wife and kids’, which was essentially a continuation of his first speech, he explained to the other father’s how he used advice he got from his father to shape how he led his family. Allan explained that he and his wife relinquished his wife’s womb to the Lord and allowed him to choose their family size, leading to 15 children - 13 on earth and 2 miscarriages - Allan also expanded on how his family walked through different seasons of life together faithfully: due to their complete reliance on the Lord, Allan put all his effort into preaching at his father’s church and somehow all the families bills managed to be paid. The main lesson Allan put forward was: Put all your trust in the Lord and see how he’ll work it out.

When the children were done being registered, the mother’s and children were able to spend some time playing in the forest and exploring before moving into the main hall for the general session.

To open the session, Claire’s extended family sang ‘I am washed clean by my saviour's blood' a hymn that is a family favourite. Claire was on the piano, Sabrina on guitar, whilst Valentina played the violin. Everyone else in the family lent their vocal abilities for the performance, Aria and Lester even sang with the family; Eric didn’t perform so that he could look after the twins who were napping whilst the family sang.

Lester Paulson then gave the part ‘Boost Your Families Strength’ wherein he spoke on the value of giving your children a political education. He gave his testimony on how his parents encouraged him into a career in politics and helped him see what part he could play on behalf of conservative politics and change his future for the better. He then encouraged parents to continue to teach their children about politics so that they're knowledgable enough to vote “the right way”. 

To end the general session for the lunch time break, a group of girls sang the hymn ‘Thinking of Salvation’

(The ‘praise hands’ poses didn’t turn out 100% how I wanted, but the photo is so zoomed out I don’t think its that noticeable 😂)

Macie Collins was on piano, Valentina Townsend was on violin and vocals, with Sabrina Paulson, and Amira, Priscilla, Annette, and Ashton Collins on vocals. The group brought an atmoshphere of praise and worship to the main hall providing the perfect ending to the first half of the day.

Afternoon Session

The afternoon session saw the children’s academy run their activities.

Sabrina, Annette, and Ashton led the children’s academy in the song and scripture memorisations. They used motions to help the children remember the words, and they go over the lessons that the children should learn from every song. The children's academy is for children ages 5-9, to help them as they start to memorize verses with the hope that as they grow older it’ll be easier to learn verses and hymns.

To end the day, the Youth and Ladies’ sessions ran simultaneously.

Branden Collins spoke on ‘The Power of Obedience’, extolling the youth on the benefits that submitting to your parents authority has, as well as the possible consequences of rebellion.

Matthew Sanders had the part ‘Lay Your Foundations Now’, a part to remind the youth on the need to get right with the Lord sooner rather than later, and they they need to build on the skills that they’ve learned as children to be fully present in the Lord.

Casandra Collins spoke on ‘Making Modesty a Policy’ - she reminded the young ladies gathered on the need for modesty as women so as not to be defrauding to men. “A modest girl allows her countenance, and therefore her inner beauty to shine forth - it also protects her heart” The need to never become complacent was also stressed by Casandra, and that submitting to your parents authority on modesty was also very important as it helps you be more meek.

Pearl Powell spoke the message ‘Why Purity?” which was a continuation from Casandra’s topic, she stressed the importance of maintaining a pure heart - both physically and spiritually. Purity helps “guard your heart from the one that is not meant for you, a true chaste girl will save pieces of her heart for the one that the Lord has for her”.

As these sessions ended, the dinner bell rang, drawing all to the mess hall to meet up with other family and friends and fellowship. Everyone eventually then heads to bed to prepare for day 3!