#max's possible wank

[damnfandomproblems]

5893

Lmao... We're not getting into this wank again, are we? Especially so soon after the total dumpster fire of minor-sent asks from the other problem?

["Just because there isn't sexual content in the show, doesn't mean the fandom needs to add it in there."]

Erk. Wrong. Fandom is the place for doing things that weren't in the original media. The most obvious example? Hey, those characters weren't gay or in a relationship in the show, but they could totally be a couple! They have so much in common! Let's make them gay in our art and fic.

If you can't grasp this most basic concept, you really have no authority to be dictating what is, or isn't, warranted in fandom. But let's keep going, shall we?

["I hate when I'm looking for fanfiction and I see minors being shipped with adults or even young characters doing the deed with other young characters."]

Where, pray tell, are you even looking for these fanfictions? On the tumblr app, which is 18+? In a general tumblr tag, which doesn't have a max age limit? On AO3, which also doesn't have a max age limit, and is more akin to a library which will, obviously, have all manners of content?

And you can hate whatever ships and dynamics you want, nobody's stopping you. I hate Starker with a passion. But you know what I do? I filter, and I use xkit, and I blacklist, and if that's not possible, I avoid the places it's likely to pop up. Because I accept the fact that I can change my behavior, but I can't stand at the beach in front of a massive tsunami, and hold up my hand and expect it to stop. Nobody else is at that beach except you. You're the one who didn't heed the age restrictions (or lack of) of the spaces and the general freedom of those spaces, and is now standing there, about to drown, and all the other fans are standing on higher ground tsking and shaking their heads, because it's just that stupid.

["I think fandoms for kid shows should be safe places."]

Safe space for who? For kids? There are entire fandoms for Lego, for ATLA, for MLP, and for dozens if not hundreds and thousands of other kid's properties that are populated largely by adults. Because guess what? Kids grow up. People are kids for like 1/6 of their lifespan. And you think ATLA fans will simply stop existing in fandom spaces once they hit 18 or 21? What an incredibly sad way to see things.

You want a safe space for kids, make your own space. Default fandom on the internet is inherently not a space geared towards kids! Not just because, well, it's on the internet, and we all know about rule 34 (if you don't, look it up), but because the existence of a fandom for any given property has zero obligation to only have kids in it. For the reason I just described above.

You're coming into spaces with a naive and uninformed idea of what that involves, then acting like everyone else is at fault.

Don't.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[quigzahhutt]

that one fic where luke browning is ruinously horny

finally posting this fella, read now on both ao3 AND tumblr omgg!

@ellearts @swagunderstripes

Fruitless animal (2.1k, Luke Browning, explicit)

But he feels– needy. A skin itching word that Luke absolutely hates using as a descriptor for himself, but it truly feels like the only word that properly fits the state of him right now. Because all Luke needs is to be inside something, stiflingly hot around him, or maybe have something inside of him, on top of it and pushing it as deep as possible. Whether it be another person or a stupidly neon colored dildo, he doesn't care, it just needs to happen now.

Full fic under the cut! [Read on ao3]

Between racing and his girlfriend dumping him, Luke is pretty fucking pent up.

Podiums and front rows and fastest laps, and Luke still found himself stupidly hard post race, winding down after media duties and mindless meetings that had his ears ringing.

And his ears are still ringing, but that happens to be for a completely different reason; he is mind numbingly horny. And he's been mind numbingly horny. All day long.

He basically wanked as soon as he got back to the hotel. It was a thoughtless process, one that had him moving through the steps of undressing like he was on a time limit, pumping his fist until his dick was sore and red and the knot in his gut finally went away.

Joining the redline stream was easier after that. If Luke had to do that whole thing with a hard on, he's ninety percent sure he would have been quiet and unreasonably pissed off the entire time. Entirely too obvious.

But he was fine. For the most part. Until Max had gone and said something silly and totally trivial about Luke being “a sweet boy. An angel.”, which is apparently something that Luke gets off on now, because his cock quickly began thickening up in his shorts.

He bid his farewell as soon as he could, after that.

And that's how he's ended up here, panting wetly into the cushy hotel pillows and pondering what the least humiliating way of humping the bed would be.

He settles on; none. There is no way to do this without feeling like a teenager again, empty and yet all too whole at the same time, desperately searching for new ways to make himself feel good.

But he feels– needy. A skin itching word that Luke absolutely hates using as a descriptor for himself, but it truly feels like the only word that properly fits the state of him right now.

Because all Luke needs is to be inside something, stiflingly hot around him, or maybe have something inside of him, on top of it and pushing it as deep as possible. Whether it be another person or a stupidly neon colored dildo, he doesn't care, it just needs to happen now.

The thought must get him going a bit more than expected, because suddenly Luke's hips jump against the mattress, dragging painstakingly rough against the insides of his shorts and the stupid silk sheets. Hitech must really care about their drivers’ sleep quality, judging by this kind of pampering.

Hitech… An idea flickers briefly at that. For one short, insane second, Luke considers texting Dino to see if he can come over and fuck him, or let Luke fuck him, or do something different but equally as horny and debauched. But then Luke reminds himself of, you know, boundaries, and also his own personal rule to never hook up with anyone from his team.

But he does wonder what Dino would say. They've known each other a long time just as any other person in motorsports does– the people you know at 12 are the people you know at 23. That's just the way life goes.

And knowing Dino? Yeah, the guy has charisma, and he carries himself with this unperturbed kind of humor, but at the core of him, he's shy. Luke can totally imagine him fumbling over his words, tripping up until the only coherent thing that comes out of his mouth is a hesitant ‘yes’. So, no. Luke is not going to call his teammate over for a quickie.

But that leaves him at square one. Again.

His dick is laying thickly against the front of his shorts, leaking stupidly and probably soaking through the fabric and onto the sheets. Luke drags himself up and down the mattress with purpose this time, just to get a read on his surroundings, and�� yep. Cooling wetness forming at the front of his shorts.

Luke pushes himself up onto his knees, dick trapped between his thighs, skin stuck on skin because he decided that forgoing boxers would probably be smarter for, you know, easy access.

Looking down, he flexes his thighs just for the fun of it, just to watch the bulge move, to feel the shaft get caught between the muscles as they tense up, and the action elicits a harsh puff of air from his nose.

It feels silly to be toying with himself like this, to be so bothered by his own body doing the things that he literally told it to do, so Luke shakes himself. This is ridiculous.

He lifts himself up onto his knees properly to pull his basketball shorts off, ragged, well loved things that he keeps around mostly for sleeping. As soon as his lower half is naked, his shirt feels a little absurd, loose hanging and brushing against the base of his cock, so he shucks it off, too.

Now that Luke is fully nude, he feels ridiculous again. Because the pillow sitting just two inches from his knees kind of feels like it's drooling on him like a particularly needy cunt, but he refuses to hump a pillow out of some weird, self-imposed law about no-homoism, or something.

Valiantly ignoring his previously very homo thoughts about calling up his teammate, Luke instead chooses to wrap a hand around himself. The familiar heat of his palm leaves both him and his dick feeling a little blue-balled, like he was subconsciously hoping that the coolness of the pillow would be the thing smothering the head of his cock instead.

But he persists for whatever stupid reason, and it feels terrible. His unoccupied hand is gripping his thigh hard, fingernails digging in, and each up and down motion of his hand around his cock feels kind of like a punishment, like dangling a treat in front of a dog's nose and then giving them an old rubber tire to munch on instead. 

Eventually, Luke scoffs at himself and dejectedly drags the pillow closer to himself, and for a brief moment, they stare at each other, and it kind of feels like the pillow has the upper hand. Luke chews his lip. Would it be uncourteous to hump the pillow without something underneath him?

Something impatient flickers in his head about the pillowcase and that’s the whole reason it's fucking there, you prick, so with a hefty sigh and not another thought, Luke swings his legs over and plants himself solidly on the plush surface.

His balls and the head of his cock sink into the material, and it feels like burn treatment the way his body is flooded with relief. A groan is punched from between his teeth, and the first proper thrust of his hips has him replicating the sound, breathy and stupid in the silent, arid environment of his hotel room.

His neighbors are probably out doing real shit– maybe they're at a club, or eating pizza and watching TV, or maybe fucking their partner and not grinding against a pillow like they're back in sixth form.

But fuck, does it feel good. This particular pillow has one of those ultra luxury silk cases on it, one that will probably be one son of a bitch to clean, but Luke can hardly think of that when the slide of it against his dick almost feels like the soft inner walls of someone's cunt.

He leans forward onto his hands, hair flopping into his face as he bows his back and squeezes his thighs together around the cushion. His eyes flutter shut at the feeling.

“Fuck,” Luke rasps to himself, glancing down at his cock and watching with heady breaths as the head spits out another glob of precum, pearly and a perfect accent to the silken sheets.

He continues just like that, tensing his thighs and panting down at the mattress, eyes shut and brows knitted together as his thrusts become harsher, more concise, like he's fucking into someone.

The longer he goes on, though, the pillow begins bending and buckling in ways that don't feel quite as good as before. On top of that, the bed has started creaking, and Luke's core was already feeling sore from the race today, so the burn is beginning to leak into it, mixing and diluting it all until it becomes a monotonous, half pleasure.

When Luke begins slowing down, he reaches between his legs and plants one of his hands on top of his dick, pushing it down into the pillow as his thrusts fade out into slow grinds. His mouth hangs open as he does it, breathless sounds falling out from between his lips as his palm traps the head of his cock harshly against the bed. 

As soon as he has fully halted the movement of his hips, Luke unceremoniously yanks the pillow out from between his legs, and the drag of it makes him grit his teeth and moan, the speed and intensity of it unprecedented.

He sits there for a while, corralling oxygen into his lungs and sagging his shoulders like he can barely keep himself upright. Just a bit of humping and he's already this winded? Jesus Christ.

Luke's eyes trail back down towards the pillow, silken case now soiled with precum and sweat. He briefly considers just tossing the entire thing onto the floor to deal with later, but the last remaining coherent voice in his head forces him to make this all easier by just removing the cover.

It feels silly to be doing something so mundane right in the middle of getting off, but he supposes that it's the smartest thing to do. His cock swings bravely out in front of him as he does so, the tip scarlet and shiny, dip dyed a shade of red that travels up the entire shaft.

Thankfully, it doesn't take too long to tear the pillowcase off and toss both items haphazardly onto the floor, and in no time, Luke is already flopping back onto the bed, this time facing the ceiling and gripping his cock.

His eyes slip shut as he begins properly jerking off. It feels considerably better now, no longer torturous, like he's being force fed chalk and ceramic. The pump of his fist feels nice, the slide almost too easy, now, with how much he's been leaking.

As he works his hand, Luke's brain flickers through previous sex experiences. Lithe, groomed hands wrapped around his cock, hands who didn't quite know what to do, and who's nails kind of scared him just a bit, long and spindly and definitely at risk of catching on something.

Another brief thought of different hands, bigger, stronger this time, gagging him on their fingers as they jerk both of them off at the same time. And then another set, this time gripping at Luke's chest, practically pawing at his pecs as he thrusts up into their warm, welcoming body.

It all kind of clashes together like how it always does when Luke is getting close. All his desires and feelings begin merging into one, melting and whirling and turning into one dizzying ball of want.

His hand squeezes harder around his shaft, and his thighs tense up in response, dutifully reminding Luke of just how empty he is, how terribly he wishes to be filled up. He whimpers at the thought, biting down on his lip and cursing past-Luke for not packing any lube for whatever fucking reason. 

As his pace quickens and Luke continues to clench down on nothing, his teeth can no longer contain the sounds spilling out of his mouth, breathy, useless things that occasionally teeter too close to being full fledged whines.

His abs spasm as his chest heaves, body reacting to the invisible stimulation of hands that Luke oh-so badly wishes were actually here. The touch of fingers on his jaw, brushing his back and along his thighs and over his pleading hole.

He cries out, needy and rich as he rolls onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow in an odd way that gives him just the perfect amount of room for his hand to keep moving, to continue working endlessly raw around his cock.

The room feels like it's about a million degrees, and Luke can hardly keep himself quiet anymore, panting and begging to a non-existent force to go faster, harder, fuck, need it, please, please.

“Oh, fuck,” He breathes, eyes rolling back and fluttering shut as he finally comes, mouth ajar around an inaudible cry, come spilling into his hand and over the canvas colored sheets.

[signalwatch]

WB Animation Watch: Scooby-Doo and Krypto, Too! (2023) Watched:  01/02/2024 Format:  Max Viewing:  First Director:  Cecilia Aranovich It's not to say Scooby-Doo and Krypto, Too! (2023) is particularly good - it has issues.  But it was better than I figured, which is possibly damning with faint praise.  Look, I'm just not a huge fan of Scooby-Doo, which is hurtful to Scooby-Doo fans, but here we are.  But I do find myself checking out some Scoob from time-to-time as they do these guest-starring movies, like the recent one with Elvira.   As a DC Comics nut, it has a lot to love.  There's deep cut jokes exploiting a breadth of DC comics and animation history.  You'll maybe recognize bits from cartoons and movies, and you'll see items like Kandor.  Lex Luthor is a really funny supporting character here.  Not notes.  I laughed. Of course I'm a Krypto the Superdog fan, and he's in the movie, but he doesn't talk - which, look, Krypto hasn't had so much as thought-bubble in the comics since the 1970's.  But that's a bit limiting for a show with other talking dogs.  So it kinda sorta works, but.  Maybe a bit confusing?  Still, I'm just happy to see Krypto, so bonus points. As an animation fan, it has some challenges.  My Scooby-Doo was made in the 1960's - 1980's, by the cheapest animation house outside of Filmation, so this looks like Star Wars by comparison.  But my in-house Scooby-Doo expert has assured me that they've done better by Mystery, Inc. in recent years, so I'll just agree with that.  But for someone expecting Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? style art and maybe Challenge of the Superfriends, it's... fine.  Really, it looks like the art in DC's Scooby-Doo and Batman comics that I pick up once in a blue moon if Krypto or someone shows up.    There's some funny bits in the movie - there was a Velma's glasses bit that kills.  And I liked some of the gags about, like, the valet at the Hall of Justice.  But some of the old, worn out gags from Scooby-Doo are no fresher in 2024 than they were in 1984.  And there was no gag they couldn't stretch until you were like "I get it.  Enough." And that included the finale "fight" that went on what seemed as long as any DC superhero movie ending - ie: way past the point where it wore out its welcome.  Which may have been a gag unto itself.  And, of course, any DC fan worth their salt could telegraph the ending twist. I did have a couple of moments watching this cartoon that made me just sort of stare at DC over the past twenty years or so and want to ask "why do you make it so hard when this is so simple?"  Like, DC needs a Superfriends cartoon, or some version of the Justice League on Max or Cartoon Network, aimed at kids.  I know they have some marketing research that tells them "this is for people between 16 and 24", but that is *nonsense*.  They haven't even tried since I was in middle school.  And I'm old now.* And seeing all the villains piled on Metropolis, which is treated as a gag, also made me realize why I don't give a shit about most DC events in the comics.   They aren't just the straight up Legion of Doom vs. Justice League match-up that wouldn't just feel like some wank-fest that will be meaningless to most readers.   If they can make DC Comics work better in a Scooby-Doo cartoon - where the characters don't even really appear - than in most DC media, it may be time for a rethink. *say what you will, but the Justice League cartoon was airing at 7:00 at night.  That was not aimed at kids.  And they buried Justice League Action, which was great, at like 6:00 AM.  It was insane. https://ift.tt/gNLwxCV via The Signal Watch https://ift.tt/Ev8gqRn January 03, 2024 at 06:13PM

[maxxiedemon]

leiahutslayer replied to your post “lesabear replied to your post “lesabear replied to your post “You...”

people who think she's boring haven't talked to her enough. in my first playthrough i thought she was boring but when i started a new game i realised that i'd barely spoken to her and made a point to do that more.  i still don't like to take her with me bc of her armour. seriously I need an alt appearance pack asap with some proper protection for my girl

Oh yeah, god knows what BioWare was thinking with Cora’s armor design. 

It is really noticeable since we now have f!Ryder’s “practical armor” in comparison. Though this can be changed if you get your Ryder to wear the N7 armor... then the boobs plate is back!

[scenetocause]

my austrian grand prix highlight is maxf sounding like he's actually about to come when lando overtook four cars

Omg imagine. That is such a good idea for an oneshot. Max actually coming but masking it somehow. Someone sends Lando the link and he immediately knows and teases him a bit and when they meet up the next time fucks him so good

oh, go on then

Lando is a menace. Max knows this, all the time but right now he's the reason Max is shuffling around like he can't get comfy in his chair, only half-paying attention to what Isaac's telling him over Discord.

Why on earth Lando was half-naked 30 minutes before a grand prix, let alone sending Max photos of it, is probably Jon's problem to worry about. Except that it's Max's boner it's prompted and now he's got no chance of sneaking off for a wank.

It feels like it's been ages, which is really hasn't except that Lando was busy over the British Grand Prix, inevitably, so Max had to wait until the Monday for all-too-brief, if amazing, post-golf sex and he's a young man with needs. Like wanting to pin Lando down and bite the hard nipples he'd been showing off in the selfie he sent Max fifteen minutes before he had to go live.

He almost considers shuffling off to really quickly get himself off and pretend he's ...doing something else, somehow but he can't think straight enough to come up with an excuse, just scoots forward until his crotch is out of shot, palms himself through his shorts a few times to take the edge off.

Inevitably, it does no such thing. Max tries to get into his usual sprawl, comfy for streaming but he can't really sit still, has to channel into making it look like he's way more actively into the grand prix than usual.

To be fair, it's a pretty exciting one and Lando's in with some good chances. His papaya man, the one who's coming home to him later for some spooning and blow jobs, the one who takes care of Max, lets Max take care of him. His annoying little goblin.

Max knows it's fucking weird, the way they love each other but also even now, when nothing in his life is certain, he's sure about this. About how much he can't wait for Lando to be a horrible bitch for twenty five minutes solid, complain about everything, then lovingly press Max into the mattress and take him apart in the best way possible. For him to kiss all the places on Max's body - his inner thighs, the curve of his biceps, the spot just behind his ears - that only Lando does. For Max to get his tongue in Lando's mouth, run it over all the words in there, as sharp as his teeth.

He might - might - have lost himself a bit in his own head, for a minute, letting PieFace carry on nattering and only throwing in the odd affirmation. Because suddenly Lando's setting up the most insane overtake, like something out of GP2 and Max's breathing has turned extremely shallow.

He scoots forward again, presses himself against the leg of the desk because fuck. It's incredibly hot when his boyfriend does the kind of racing Max knows he's capable of. No one's better than Lando, it's why Max is ok with thinking he isn't, either and in that dogshit McLaren, with an engine that's done about a million kilometres already, he's going to fucking overtake three people at once.

Max doesn't want to trust himself with saying anything, knows he sounds breathless and whiny and that the only thing coming out of his mouth is Lando's name and nonsense. And he really isn't quite expecting it, when Lando makes the move on Magnussen to make it four cars but sitting up jolts his dick against the desk just enough and he has to pretend to be coughing for a second.

This is, he has to admit, extremely embarrassing. Even at the same time as he knows he's glowing and grinning. Fuck, Lando's so sexy, sometimes.

"I nearly hyperventilated? Yeah, chat. That was a proper move, go on Bob." It's not like they'll ever know. He's a good little cam boy really.

-----

Mate Did you actually come on stream???? Max does not want to know how Lando's found that already. Don't call me mate, you fucker It's your fault for being stupid and sexy on track like that The reply is way too fast and excited, takes Lando a few goes to form some coherent words.

Ohymhgod Max?????? What the fuck God I rally want you right now

Max wants him too. He's changed, had a shower to get rid of the shameful evidence of sitting for half a grand prix with spunk in his boxers, so now he's just sitting in soft sweatpants and a hoodie, sprawled on his bed. Lando'll be there soon and then they can - god, it's shameful how much Max wants Lando inside him

But seriously you came on stream

There's no real way to respond to that so Max doesn't, watches the dots going back and forth that say Lando's typing.

you fucking came because I overtook Kevin I can't believe this You better of been thinking of me not him

Max texts back 'obviously you' - like he'd come in his pants over Kevin Magnussen, for god's sake.

Lando types and then deletes and then types and Max can tell this is going to be something he shouldn't find sexy but inevitably will.

I want to fuck you in your streaming chair So you think about me

God that's high risk on any number of levels and Max is suddenly really hard. One good thing is that his streaming room's safely away from everyone else in the house, justified in case he's on really late but that'd work pretty conveniently for this, too.

Aww Do you watch my streams just to look at me?

Lando sends back the eye-rolling emoji and 'obviously' and Max kinda knows because Lando is always asking him for photos, always wants to see Max but it's nice to hear him say it, too.

He lies on his back, staring at nothing really, for the rest of the time until Lando arrives. Max needs to stop letting himself fall into inactivity but this doesn't feel like that, he's just chilling before Lando arrives, letting himself think about how much he wants Lando there, how waking up with Lando's arms around him tomorrow morning will feel so much better than any other week. How Lando will call him 'baby' while they're fucking and Max will love it.

Max lets Lando in by the back door, taxi already pulling away and it's not like his parents don't know about them, haven't been fully aware of it possibly longer than Max and Lando were but it feels safer, more hidden, kissing in the dark hallway. Lando threads his fingers through Max's hair, sighs and leans his full weight on him, letting Max hold him.

"Missed you, Bob," Max kisses Lando's hair, cheek, temple. They're allowed to be soppy with each other when no one can see. "It's gonna be good to sleep next to you tonight."

Lando squeezes him in reply, somehow makes himself even heavier on Max. But the spell's somehow been broken, too and Max knows there's some gremlin energy about to come out.

"So can I fuck you on your streaming chair?"

Max mutters something about 'gross' but also presses his hips up against Lando's leg, lets him know he's hard already.

They abandon Lando's suitcase in the hallway because he'll just steal Max's clothes anyway, make more noise giggling about the way they're sneaking around than they would have if they'd just walked normally, before Max manages to click the streaming room door shut and Lando's already sprawling in the chair.

"Oi," he says, bending down to kiss, both hands on the back of the chair. "Thought you said you wanted to fuck me in this."

"Mmm," Lando hums it into his mouth. "I want you like this," he pulls Max down on his lap, straddling one thigh. "And you can tell me how you got so horny about my driving that you came on stream."

Max's brain is slightly jumbled for a few seconds, has to resort to distracting Lando with kissing. When he's worked out what he's gonna do, he grinds down on his thigh for a second, feels Lando hard against his own leg.

"Yeah? You started it, sending me that selfie."

Lando grins, one of his borderline-malicious ones that's only saved by how genuinely happy he is to have made Max horny. "Oh yeah? I knew you'd like that, you're obsessed."

Max pushes his shirt up, thumbs one nipple and watches Lando immediately lose the game they're playing. "You love it."

"Yeah, I do." Lando mumbles, shameless, stretching his arms up to get out of his shirt and let Max put his mouth all over his pecs, lick Lando's collar bone, drag his tongue up his neck.

Once he's given enough attention for Lando to be a squirming mess that's rubbing Max's own dick on his thigh so good, he tries speaking again.

"You've gotta give me more time before I go live, Bob. I nearly tried to sneak off first but Isaac had me on a call and I couldn't get away," Max nips at Lando's neck, when he throws his head back and moans, pushing his hips up and jostling Max. "You know we haven't had enough time for this, lately and it's summer, I'm fucking horny."

Lando smiles at that, grips his hands tight in Max's shirt. They got together in the summer, doing something pretty similar to what they are now, making each other come with clumsy kisses and sweaty hands. Max had held Lando for hours afterwards, both of them talking and excited that they had a whole new thing to do together.

"You're so hot," Lando's opened his eyes a bit, looking at Max through the slit of his crinkled, grinning expression. "Tell me more."

"So I'm sitting there with a hard-on, obviously, fucking trying to remember what we're supposed to be plugging or whatever and who I'm speaking to and you were - well, you were away on the formation lap, probably but then I guess I started thinking about us-" Lando pulls him closer, drags Max until he's straddling Lando properly and they're just fully humping each other.

"I couldn't wait for you to be home, to get you like this. Get you hard and get you off and then get you in my bed."

Lando moans brokenly, into Max's neck and Max presses a hand between them, gives Lando a palm to fuck into. "And then you started doing stupidly sexy shit like overtaking like that. You made me want it so bad Lando, it's so fucking hot when you show how good you are."

It's not like he doesn't know drivers are inclined to a praise kink but Max is still surprised quite how fast Lando goes over the edge, clearly worked up before they even touched. He shoves his hand into Max's sweatpants, in the aftermath and jerks him until he comes all over Lando's naked chest, smears it across his abs. Until they're just grinning at each other, not exactly sated but ready to move it to the bed for the next round.

Lando fucks him with Max bent forward on a pillow, propped and comfortable to just get railed and then Lando doesn't even pull out while they're spooning, just wraps his arms around Max.

It's a little bit disgusting, when they wake up in the morning without having done any clear-up but it's just them, so it doesn't matter. And Max would prefer to wake up with Lando pressed against his chest, snoring quietly, than any other way.

[purrvaire]

I don’t really go here but steddie with 3 from the idiots in love prompts?

[ * dumps 1.5k words of absolute nonsense on your desk * thanks my dear for always sending me prompts, at this point you're single-handedly fueling my motivation to write :') hope you like it <3 ]

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3. And why do you think i’d ever like them? I have taste

Eddie maybe is going soft in his old age - just turned twenty one despite the attempts of the Upside Down to keep him away from drinking legally. Not that underage drinking is the most illegal thing he’s ever done, but still. It’s either that or admitting that he’s largely underestimated the munchkins' ability to meddle combined with their total disregard for the word no.

Either way, he fails to recognize he’s being ambushed long after he’s allowed Max inside the trailer and fed her the rock-hard cookies Wayne baked the day before in a burst of culinary inspiration. To her credit, she doesn’t even flinch when the first bite threatens to dislocate her jaw.

At that point, anyhow, Red has gotten nail polish apparently out of thin air and is waving her slender, little hands in front of his face expectantly.

“Don’t you have other people to harass in your free time?”

Max levels him with an unimpressed stare. “As if me being here is not the highlight of your day.”

Eddie sniffs. “Lies and slanders. I was busy.”

“Wanking is not being busy, Edward.”

Eddie gasps outraged. “I am appalled by your language. Where is the respect for your elders?”

“I thought you believed in challenging the authority”, Max says, her voice saccharine.

Eddie jabs a finger at her. “Not when the authority is me. Now, let me do your hands and then go be annoying elsewhere.”

Max hands him a periwinkle blue bottle and extends her hand with a sigh. As if she is the one doing Eddie a favor in letting him paint her nails.

The nerve.

“You know,” Max says, a couple of brush strokes in. “You’re starting to sound just like Steve.”

Eddie snorts. “I absolutely am not. Don’t speak jock just yet.”

Max waves her other hand impatiently. “I’m talking about the whole parenting schtick you inflict on us. Respect your elders. Don’t go where I can’t see you. Behave or else.”, she lists in a poor impression of his and Steve’s voices.

“Quit wriggling”, Eddie mutters. “I won’t be held accountable if my chef d’oeuvre gets messed up.”

Max cocks an eyebrow, as if he just proved her point - which, Eddie can admit, he kinda did -, but, blessedly decided to keep still. “Anyway”, she resumes, “I’m right. Steve even says we’ll make him go gray before his time, geez.”

“Can’t say he’s wrong. You dipshits are a handful.”

“I think Steve would make a gorgeous milf", she muses. "Don’t you?”

For a moment, Eddie actually contemplates the thought of an older Harrington, his luscious, thick hair all gone silver gray. The idea should be hilarious, it really should.

But, as his brain unhelpfully supplies, there’s no realm of possibility in which Steve Harrington is not painfully attractive.

When he comes back to his senses, he sees Max grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Shut up”, he says immediately. He starts on her other hand with renewed focus.

Coming to his house just to put the virtual image of silver-fox Harrington in his brain.

Rude.

Max bats her lashes from behind the thick frame of her new glasses. “So, you do think Steve would make a gorgeous milf.”

“Never said such a thing.”

“But you thought it.”

“Did not.”

“You liiiike him.”

“And why do you think I’d ever like Steve?” Eddie drawls, feigning disinterest. “I have taste.”

Max snorts loudly. “Dude, you have many qualities but taste in men is not one of them.”

Eddie throws his hands in the air. “You don’t even know who I dated!”

Of course, calling it dating is a bit of a stretch. Living in a conservative little town in the middle of nowhere Indiana has never done wonders for his lovelife, and that was even before the murder charges.

“I saw the posters in your room”, she points out. “Besides, you and Steve are both lame, so it’s a match made in heaven.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Geez, thanks. I’ll make sure to tell him the next time I see him. Maybe I can’t get him to disown you.”

“And what would I inherit anyway? Your joint collection of hairspray cans?”

Eddie, with a surprisingly good aim, throws the dripping brush right at her nose. Max scrambles away with a shriek before retaliating with what remained from her half munched cookie.

Ten minutes later, they’re both lying down on the floor. Max’s nails are messed up beyond repair, crumbles are scattered in every corner of the room  and Eddie has got nail polish in his hair.

He inspects the raggedy carpet Wayne had installed some years ago in front of the sofa.

“Dude, this will be hell to clean later”, he complains, inching away from the bright pink stain and getting more comfortable on the floor.

“Tough luck”, Max replies unbothered, her head propped up on his legs. Then, more softly, she adds: “You know, it’s okay if you do like Steve.”

“I don’t”, Eddie replies weakly. Max ignores him.

“Sure, he’s lame and sometimes he nags too much, but he’s good, you know. Safe.”

She quiets, letting her words sit for a while between them. The late afternoon sun filters through curtains, making Max’s hair shine red gold. The noise of tires scratching on the gravel coming from the window temporarily fills the silence.

Safe, Eddie thinks. That’s a word he wouldn’t think he’d ever apply to Steve Harrington.

And yet.

“Yeah”, he says. “He is.”

He feels more than see Max nodding. “And also he’s hot”, she adds through a smirk.

Eddie laughs, pulling a little at her hair. “My, my, what would Lucas say if he knew you go around calling other boys hot.”

“What I say is my business”, Max replies dryly. “And you’re not denying it. You liiiike him.”

“Not this shit again!” he groans, but he can feel the smile pulling at the corner of his lips. 

“And you think Steve is…”

“You think I’m what?”

Eddie scrambles up so fast that Max shrieks and almost bangs her head on the floor.

Steve looks at them both with a bemused expression on his face.

Eddie blinks up at him. “Harrington, what- what are you doing here?”

“The door was open”, Steve supplies unhelpfully. “And I’m here to pick up Max, didn’t she tell you?”

Max, still half sprawled on the floor, has the audacity to smirk.

“It must have slipped my mind.”

Eddie narrows his eyes. What the fuck did you do? he tries to convey.

Watch and learn, dumbass, Max’s lazy grin says back.

“Steve, actually, I think I might head home, after all”, she says, with an apologetic tone that would fool no one who has spent more than a minute in her company. “I’m tired and my hip feels funny”.

Eddie would gasp at the audacity of pulling the I-barely-survived-the-monster-fucked-up-dimension card if he was not worried about her next move.

Steve, bless his kind soul, falls for it. “That’s what you get for sitting on the floor without pillows and shit”, he grumbles, but he crouches down and bodily picks Max up and helps her on her feet.

Which, mind you, it’s not that difficult since Max is skin and bones but Eddie might need a minute or two here to recover from this image.

Thank fuck, he’s already on the floor or he would have swooned.

Then, Max goes in for the kill. “Well, since you’re already here you could hang out with Eddie instead. Be lame together or whatever.”

Eddie’s eyes pop so wide open that they threaten to fall on the floor beside him.

He kinda wants to scream so that was your plan all along! while dramatically clutching at his fake pearls or something.

Harrington looks down at him, a half smile on his face. “Well, if Eddie doesn’t mind, why not”, he shrugs.

Eddie doesn’t know if it’s wishful thinking or not, but he thinks Steve looks almost hopeful.

“Yeah, sure, whatever”, he manages to say.

“Cool.” Steve claps his hands. “I’ll take Mayfield home and then we can hang out.”

“I live literally next door, Mom.”

Eddie watches them walking all the way to the Mayfield’s trailer and very pointedly does not freak out at his evening prospects. Max shoves Steve rather forcefully for someone who had just claimed that her hip hurt and he ruffles her hair.

He hears them bickering until their voices fade and he goes inside in search for a movie to watch with Steve. 

***

(“Are you sure he doesn’t know that we set this up?”

“We? I did everything while you stood there looking dumb.”

“That’s what you told me to do, actually.”

“Whatever. And yes, I am. God, you’re both so besotted with each other it pains me.”

“Robin said the same thing.”

“She’s right. I don’t know why I don’t hang out with her instead of you idiots.”

“God forbid. You’ll start ganging up on me worse than you already do.”

“Scared, Harrington?”

“As every wise man should.” A pause. “So… you’re sure he likes me.”

“Positive.”

“100% sure?”

“Yes. God.” A shove. “Go get your man.”

Steve smiles and ruffles her hair. “Will do, Mayfield. Will do.”)

.

.

.

send me a prompt from this list <3

[high-and-away]

FFXIVWrite 2022, Prompt #15: Row

The four of them cluster together, casually hanging back in the shade of one of the equipment sheds, too-innocently refusing to acknowledge Servius bellowing or the way DeMeer tries to stay stony-faced and not pout while standing at attention. He looks no better than a schoolboy caught shooting spitballs, and the effect is enough to make Max bite her lip to keep from collapsing into raspy snickering. Tragically, she trades a straight face for the taste of blood, thanks to her mouthful of crooked, jagged teeth. Victoria has plenty of practice at remaining carefully neutral, even if that practice came at the cost of being ostracized and learning that showing anything but neutrality is an invitation to let her peers tear her apart. Laelia, grinning, doesn’t bother; she’s sneakily tucked herself partly round the corner, safely out of the possible line of fire. “Holy shit,” she says, “she’s really going at him. Ten gil says he keels over from shame.” “Ain’t takin’ that bet,” says Max, in a strangled voice that suggests she’s desperately trying not to cackle herself into a coughing fit. “What did he even do?” asks Laelia, teetering ever closer to schadenfreude. “She--” Oh, bloody hell, it’s contagious. It has to be. Victoria can’t quite manage coherency; she’s starting to laugh, too. “He was--” “She caught him in the latrine having a wank,” wheezes Max, finally succumbing to the absurdity of it all. “Stupid bastard forgot to lock the door, Dec walks in, and there he is, cock in hand--” Trying vainly to muffle her gravelly giggling, Max lifts her wrist and pinches her fingers together in a little not-much-there gesture. The shouting intensifies, as does DeMeer’s aura of sulkiness. “She’s breaking out the knife hand,” observes Valens placidly. “That ain’t a knife hand, Medicus jen Valens,” Max says, voice swelling slightly with mock seriousness. “That’s a guillotine.” Valens’s lip wobbles for a moment before he claps his hand over his mouth and doubles over, his massive frame shaking with barely-suppressed laughter.

[motorboatrryfest2021]

Finally: A Celebration of the Hids!

As someone so wisely pointed out recently, there’s a tremendous dearth of fics featuring someone motorboating Harry Styles’ glorious breasts--this fest is here to fix that! So how can you get involved?

Easy!! Just DM this blog and let me know you’re interested, and I’ll guide you along from there. My goal is to start releasing these beauties into the world right before American Thanksgiving, so the due date will be 11/11 (extensions granted if you need one). You can post your fic here whenever you’re ready to brrr brrr brrr.

Rules: Everyone loves short shorts, so anything between 7 words and 7,000, max, is welcome. You can write a drabble, a ficlet, a one-shot, but the goal is a PWP that’s short and sweet and focused on the hids. This fest welcomes any pairing, as long as it’s Harry’s breasts getting motorboated (if you’re curious what that means, here’s a definition). You can write girl direction, boy direction, non-binary direction, lactation kink, canon, AU, whatever floats your motorboat!

Prompts: This one is prompt-free, but if you’re stuck, message me, and I’ll give you a purity wank no-no topic for you to magically work your way around (underage, age gap, blasphemy, dubcon, etc. etc., we welcome all of it here, LET IT FLY, all I ask is that you tag so people know what’s up).

Questions? Ask away! Assholes will be blocked and possibly reported! :) Fuck around and find out, I like to say!

[formulatrash]

i think it’s more about lando disrespecting a Black man’s accomplishments than him saying something ‘spicy’. also, we know max has said slurs, everyone is still talking about it. it is possible to discuss two separate incidents without trying to contrast them against each other.

As far as I can tell there’s one quote where he’s asked what it means to him, personally and Lando says it doesn’t mean anything to him, which is a bit wank but probably true at the time or whatever. It’s not nice but it’s not especially malicious.

The other, longer quote is him acknowledging something a lot of people say about Mercedes, which is that the car is very good and saying that Lewis’ achievements wouldn’t be possible in a much worse car - which is true because of how F1 works - then saying that you can’t take away from him, for that because he has had very competitive teammates and that Lando and many people consider him the best of all time. 

It’s a long quote (Lando tends to over-talk things, from transcribing him) and he basically follows the thread of ‘here is actually why Lewis’ achievements are so impressive despite what people would say about the car and the context of the sport.’

It’s media pen, they say stupid things. As the media, we then blow them up to become Tumblr discourse. Monday.

Comparatively, the media have now entirely forgotten the Max incident, as far as I can tell. It’s interesting because the life cycle of motorsport news is such that ‘Norris derides Hamilton’s achievement’ has way more potential clout than the oh-so thinly worded ‘Verstappen uses ‘colourful’ language on radio’ (and other headlines of that ilk) that’s now being swept off the front pages.

I’d imagine Lando will do a social post where he’ll clarify he was being a pissy little bitch (he was, I’m not debating that) and has massive respect for Lewis. He already congratulated him in his post-race quotes and gave a lovely quote in the FOM interview. But they’re not headline material.

[msjr0119]

The Unexpected Roommate

Part 3

What happens when your roommate of many years falls in love and moves out unexpectedly? Drake Walker was in this situation, until his friends fiancée suggested that her friend moved in to replace her fiancé. The new roommate is causing tension already. Will they be able to survive living together? What’s the worse that could happen?

Drake x Riley

Leo x Olivia

Warnings: Swearing, tension, smut

A/N- So I spoke to @pedudley, she published a one shot with her characters doing a ‘truth and dare’ scene. We wrote it at the same time, and I reached out as I panicked that people would assume that I’ve used her idea. It’s totally different, just a similar idea and Paige is fine with it- best friends and great minds think alike ���� This part and part 4 was originally just this part- however tumblr is saying that I’ve exceeded the word count 🤷‍♀️, so you all have two chapters posted back to back- SORRY! 😘

Tags- As always if you want to be removed please do let me know. I won’t be offended.

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @texaskitten30 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @cordonianroyalty @rainbowsinthestorm @jared2612 @desireepow-1986 @twinkle-320 @bebepac @drakewalkerisreal

******

As Riley answered his question, she witnessed a smile slowly creep up onto his face- believing that she would never see the day that Drake Walker smiled.

“I still don’t like you though...” She continued. “But....”

“But what?”

“I actually have plans for tonight. Maybe we could do it tomorrow instead?” Seeing disappointment on his face, she instantly felt guilty. She wasn’t saying to never to do this, she had wanted to make amends before he did- however, her friends were more important. More loyal. Fuck. “Or I could cancel? I see Daniel and Maxwell all the time..” Yes, cancel. Please cancel. Spend time with me. God I sound desperate. He thought to himself.

“It’s fine. You live with me. We can have drinks and food whenever.”

“Are you sure? I feel like I’m letting you down after you’ve made an effort. But I don’t like letting my friends down either. I’m sure they won’t mind. I can stay in... with you.”

“Honestly, it’s fine.” Providing a fake smile, his heart sunk- but he would never admit this to her.

“Okay.... I’ll erm. I will be back before my ‘curfew’.”

“You better be.” Smiling at him, she walked away shaking her head. Drake sat on the couch, not knowing what to do. Berating himself, that she had given him the final say for her plans- and he backed out of telling her what his heart truly desired.

****

Riley made her way to the bar, shaking her head she saw the two lovers had already ordered drinks. The amount of drinks that surrounded the table, was a sign of premature liver damage.

“Blossom! You’re here.”

“Hey, guys.” The two men looked at her, she was surprisingly quiet- in a daze. Not her usual self.

“What’s he done now?” Daniel demanded to know as he raised his eyebrows. Maxwell was aware of Drake’s attitude towards Riley- however Daniel had played it down. Daniel knew that Maxwell was a pussycat, but when it came to his friend who was like a sister to him, he wouldn’t hold back if someone hurt her.

“He... well he fucked a blonde all over the place last night. This morning. Whatever that doesn’t matter. He didn’t ask for my permission. Breaking his own rule...” Maxwell’s lips allowed an over exaggerated gasp to escape. “I hope you called him out on it.”

“No. I just put my old teddy bears and Barbie’s on his bed. She soon ran out.” Maxwell jumped up and high fived her, Daniel provided a smirk but her facial expression was still puzzling him.

“So why the long face?”

“He bought me a ‘La Perla’ set.”

“He did what?” The men asked in unison, both wondering what Drake was playing at.

“He bought me a bra and thong set... I mean that shit isn’t cheap. He seemed sincere with his apology but I still don’t trust him. One minute he despises me, then he’s nice. It’s just not normal...”

“Maybe he wants you to dress up for him?” Maxwell licked his lips, then mimicked a blowjob. Providing her friend with her own hand gesture he soon stopped. Afraid of what she may do if he was to carry on.

“Stop right there, Max. This discussion is ending right now!”

“Okay, fine. But you didn’t have to stick two fingers up at me.... or is that what Drake will be doing to you?” Unable to resist winding her up, he escaped to the bathroom quickly- convenient timing.

****

Drake had spent the night, wondering if she was using her prior plans as an excuse to avoid him. He wouldn’t blame her, he had been awful with her. Scrolling through social media, she appeared in the everlasting list of ‘people you may know’. His finger hovered above the ‘add friend’ button- deciding against it, he kept coming back to it. Every time he was tempted to just click it, but he thought that it would give her an excuse to argue with him. Looking at her profile, he shook his head- he clearly wasn’t her only victim for her infamous pranks. Checking out the photos, he needed to stop- he had a sudden erection. That was until he saw a photo of Riley and Olivia- just looking at his arch-enemy turned him off straight away. After a few hours, he made the decision to have a shower- as he had nothing better to do. Usually he wouldn’t mind being ‘home alone’ but for some reason he felt more lonely now than ever. As he entered, the water cascaded down his toned body- placing one hand on the tile, his other hand wrapped around his shaft. Stop thinking about her, she will kill you if she knows you’re wanking over her.

“Shit! I’m soooo sorry. I’m going to puke... I won’t be long. It was the toilet or the floor...” Jumping, he tried to cover himself up- she was in a state. Standing frozen, he didn’t know what to do. Carry on ‘showering’ or get out and hold her hair? The hair debate entered his mind- mainly concerned about her waking up with the sticky yet fowl substance in it. But also to keep her head upright to avoid her face planting the bowl.

“Couldn’t you have just puked in the trash bin? I’m trying to shower!”

“Oh. My. God. It stinks. I’m sorry.” Turning her head towards him, she had a little laugh to herself. “Are you jerking yourself off? Hey! You wasn’t lying was you?”

“No, I am not doing what you think I am! I am covering it up to protect my dignity as best as I can.”

“Whatevs... you are so totally doing it. I’m going to rename my dildo to ‘Drake’.”

“What the fuck are you on about? Can you please hurry up- and collapse in your bed....”

“Ewww I’ve puked in my hair...” knew it. Just fucking knew it. Great. Stripping her clothes off, she stumbled- before entering the shower with him.

“Do you not know about social distancing? Riley! Get to bed.”

“What’s up Drakey? Never shared a shower before.... at least it’ll save on the water bill.” Putting her thumbs up towards him, her drunk mind was now trying to calculate ways in cutting down the bills- whilst she washed her body. Looking down at his erection, she smirked again.

“Yup, definitely calling my dildo ‘Drake’...” Drake knew he was now trapped, believing that if he was civil- and possibly helped her with anything, the quicker he would be able to go to bed.

“What was it called before?” He asked, in his mind he was thinking all sorts of obscure names. Bob? Battery operated boyfriend- because that’s all she’ll ever get if she carries on treating men like shit. Peter as in Peter rabbit? Mr Big?

“Leo....”

“Leo?”

“Yeah, Liv called my dildo ‘Leo’. Apparently it’s the image of him. Personally, I can’t see it. I haven’t used ‘Leo’ since. It put me straight off.” Yeah, don’t blame you. What the actual fuck?

“Right, I’m going to wash your hair for you- then tuck you in bed.”

“Aw you do have a heart.” Trying to make a love heart shape with her fingers, she failed miserably. Drake turned her around, holding on to her with one hand he tried to keep a distance, he didn’t want to poke her- she kept slipping in the shower, making him nearly fall instead as his grip tightened onto her waist. If he was going down, he wasn’t going alone. Getting out of the shower, he held on to her- escorting her out too. Drying her body with the fluffy towel, she was swaying - making it difficult to help assist her. Carrying her to her bed, he laid her onto her side- hoping that she wasn’t going to be sick again. After a few minutes, he kissed Riley on the cheek and left her sleeping alone. Sweet dreams, pisshead.

****

The morning after, Drake decided to check on Riley before leaving for work. He had barely slept, mainly worrying that she was going to choke on her vomit- but then the short shower that they had shared was also lingering throughout his thoughts. Knowing that she was breathing, and was content- he left for work. Not that he wanted to, but he knew the sooner he got to work- the earlier he could finish and return home.

Later on in the day, he returned home- the apartment was as he had left it. Opening her door, she was still asleep. Sitting next to her, he needed to wake her up. Caressing her cheek, she didn’t stir- deciding to gently shake her, she fluttered her eyelashes at him. Still in a daze, she still felt slightly drunk believing that she was hallucinating. Smelling his cologne, and seeing his blurry face- she sighed heavily.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Fuck. He’s here. He’s on my bed.

“Drake! Get out!”

“Why?”

“Because I’m naked...” Pulling the duvet up as far as it could go, she was practically suffocating herself. “Remember you don’t like to see my - how did you describe it? Oh yeah. Flab.” Shaking his head, he was never going to hear the end of his hurtful words.

“Do you remember getting home last night?” Her eyes widened, she dread to think what had happened. The horror that was shown across her face, explained to him that she was clueless about the events after her night out.

“You came home, puked up then jumped in the shower with me. I carried you to your bed. There was no funny business. Anyway, it’s four o’clock- I think you better get up.”

“Four in the morning?”

“No. Afternoon. I’ve been to work and come back. I’ll order food and we can do what we planned if you’re up for it? There’s a match on.”

“Do I look like I watch sport?”

“Oh sorry. You’re probably one of those girls who likes to watch a film where the two main characters fall in love at the end.”

“Guilty.”

“Typical woman. I’ll get you some tissues- don’t want you ruining any make up.”

“It’s fine, Drake. Watch your game. I’ll have a shower then join you soon.”

“What drink do you want? I’ll get it ready for when you get out.”

“I’ve got wine, it’s in the fridge. Thank you, Drake.”

“No worries. Hurry up though.” Fuck why have I said that? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Before she could respond, he needed to think of an excuse for why he said that. “Because you don’t want your food to be cold.” Nodding, he smiled and swiftly left her- allowing her a bit of privacy to get out of bed. Making her way to the bathroom, she wished that she was able to walk in a straight line. Fucking Daniel, again. I need to stop drinking. Leaving the door slightly ajar, Drake couldn’t help himself but have a peek at her. Seeing her hair cascade down her back, he admired her body again as he did when she sabotaged his shower. God, she’s gorgeous. Stop looking at her Drake. Finally coming to his senses, he ordered the food and poured the drinks - waiting anxiously on the couch for Riley, he wanted to tell her the truth about what he thought about her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it.” Hearing her voice in the distance, it was a slight mumble as the noise from the tv was distracting him and was much closer.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear the door because of the game.”

“No worries. Hmm chinese. Good choice, roomie.” Bringing the food over to the table, they ate it together- both stealing glances from each other, both wondering if this was going to last. They spoke about simple things, to keep the conversation flowing with no awkwardness. Favourite food, phobias and fears, favourite vacations- were just some of the topics that they discussed. Riley decided to top up their drinks as they both gulped it in one, possibly needing Dutch courage to talk in a civil manner.

“Jesus, you cant even walk when you stick to the same drink.”

“I’m just a lightweight. You’d think that I’d be used to it working in a bar.”

“You work in a bar?”

“Yeah, with Daniel. He pulls in all the gays, and I flirt with the punters. It’s a real dive bar, so any custom is important.”

“I’ll have to come one day, just purely to annoy you and to distract you.”

“No. You’d just come for the free drinks. Because you know a person that works there.”

“Now you’ve offered free drinks, I’m definitely going to have to come.” Shaking her head, she knew that she would potentially get sacked if she provided Drake with whiskey all night on the house.

“So what do you do?” Sitting down next to him, she passed him the whiskey- waiting for him to elaborate. Intrigued as to what he did for a living. First impressions of him, was that he was a very closed off person- private. Unlike herself, who was an open book.

“I’m a mystery. That’s all you need to know.”

“C’mon Drake... tell me. I’ll ring Olivia and ask if not.”

“No!”

“Why no? Are you a serial killer? Or a drug dealer or something?”

“I just don’t like your friend. The answer is no. Plus, mind your own business.”

“You don’t like many people do you?”

“I hate her.”

“Like me.” Riley said this quietly, as her face faulted. Most people liked her, but Drake just had instant hate- deep down it hurt her slightly.

“Of course I’m going to hate you, you’re my roommate. Liv, she’s like the fucking devil.”

“You just don’t know her properly. Like you don’t know me.”

“I’d like to get to know you. I’m sorry. But you are annoying as fuck.”

“Maybe I am annoying. But so are you. Your teams losing, time for a change.” Reaching over him, she stole the remote and quickly changed the channel. Sex and the city, perfect.

“No! Not a chance! I’m not watching this shit. Put the fucking goddamn match back on.” Shooting off of the sofa, she ran towards her room shoving the remote in her bra- knowing he wouldn’t dare touch her whilst it was there.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Catching up to her, he pulled her back flush to his chest. Turning her around, his eyes never left hers.

“You’re a bit too close for comfort.” She could practically feel her heart attempting to leap out of her chest.

“Give me the remote, and I’ll let go of your waist.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll be holding on to you all night...”

“I pretty much doubt that, Drake.”

“You want to bet?” Moving his lips closer to her neck, his breath made her heart skip a beat- it also sent shivers down her spine. “Can you resist my lips, Riley?”

“Of course I can.” Whimpering, she wasn’t sure what to think. Deep down, she had always thought that he was handsome- but he was her roommate. Someone who hated her the previous day. Someone who was fucking a stranger in their shared accommodation. Kissing her neck gently, her body froze- his hands roamed her body, getting closer to her chest. Closing her eyes, she gulped at his soft touches.

“Your skin is so soft.... Riley.... I....” Swiftly removing the remote from her bra, he smirked- feeling smug with himself. “I win! Don’t fuck with me...no one turns the matches off!”

“You bastard!”

“Aw what’s up darling? Did you think that I was kissing you because I wanted to?” I actually really wanted more.

“I don’t know what to think with pricks like you! I knew tonight was too good to be true... why can’t you just be a normal human being?”

“Why can’t you ask for permission to turn the tv over?”

“It’s not the end of the fucking world!” Hearing a knock at the door, their bickering stopped almost immediately.

“Hey guys!”

“Leo?” They both shouted in unison, wondering why he was here. As soon as Olivia joined him, she eyed the two of them in front of her- attempting to study their body language.

“Woah, you two are close...” Leo stated as he nudged Olivia.

“Thought we’d drop by to see how you are both doing. Is there a problem? Have we come at a bad time?”

“I’m on top of the world, Liv. Living with a fucking prick like him is all I ever wanted in life. You have perfect timing! I’m so glad some normal human beings are here to socialise with me.” Drake gulped, now realising that he had been slightly petty.

“Living with an annoying bitch is all I ever wanted! So thanks for getting engaged guys. Beer, Leo?”

[greenapricot]

2019 fic year in review

Total number of completed stories: 18

Total word count: 53536

Fandoms written in: Lewis (15), Endeavour (2), Inspector Morse (1), Shetland (1), Victoria (1). (Those numbers don’t add up bc there’s a fic that is Lewis, Endeavour, and Inspector Morse all at once.)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? More. I challenged myself to post a fic a month for 2019, so I had hoped to write 12 but hadn’t fully expected that I would. I’m very pleased with myself for having met that goal (even if I didn’t technically meet it bc I didn’t post fic in September, but I’m going to call 18 fics a win anyway).

What’s your own favorite story of the year? I’ve answered other fic memes during the year about my favorite and though I’ve written more fics since then I still think my favorite is A Man About to Fly (Lewis, James/Robbie, gen). It’s just got the most perfect atmosphere of delicate longing that feels so right to me in a way I can’t quite describe. I also think it’s the fic of mine that I’ve reread the most this year.

Did you take any writing risks this year? I would call it a risk, more of a stretch or a challenge to myself, but I wrote in two new fandoms, Shetland (No Holiday, Jimmy/Duncan, mature) and Victoria (Delayed Gratification, Palmerstons, mature). I hadn’t planned to write for either fandom but the ideas for those two stories just grabbed me and then I needed them to exist and so had no choice but to write them.

Also, writing Morris Dancers (Lewis, James/Robbie, teen) in @bryndeavour‘s Night Vale AU universe was a fun challenge with the radio format, getting the Night Vale tone right, and making it fit with the fic she’d already written.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Now that I’ve proven to myself that I can write a lot of things in one year I want to write something long again. I have two casefics I’ve been poking at off and on for a while now. One in my Lewis wingfic universe and one that follows on from my other Lewis post-s9 fics. I think the wingfic one will end up happening first, even though I’ve had the idea for the other one for something like three years, mostly just because I’ve been having a lot of fun brainstorming casefic and wingfic universe ideas with @bryndeavour.

I also have two more parts to my Shetland fic planned and a couple of WIPs I’d like to finish. And, I just started three new prompt fics (one in a fandom I haven’t written in before). I’d like to finish and post them in the next week or so just to prove I can still write short quick things and also hopefully write something for the other prompts I got.

Most popular story of the year? By kudos, Misuse of Police Resources (Lewis, James/Robbie, explicit); by comments, Over the Edge (Lewis, James/Robbie, mature). Though Over the Edge will surpass Misuse in kudos at some point because it’s much more recent and has almost as many kudos.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Delayed Gratification (Victoria, Lady Palmerston/Lord Palmerston) and No Holiday (Shetland, Jimmy/Duncan). This is no surprise at all though because Delayed Gratification is an obscure pairing in a not terribly large fandom and Shetland fandom is very tiny. So they have the least kudos but I think they have been properly appreciated in the small spaces in which they exist. I think I would also add Overture (Lewis, James/Robbie/Laura, explicit) to this list, but again, it being explicit threesome fic I’m not super surprised it doesn’t have a ton of comments or kudos bc not everyone is into that.

Most fun story to write: Winter Wonderland (Lewis, James/Robbie, explicit) and Misuse of Police Resources (Lewis, James/Robbie, explicit). Both of these grew from convos in discord chat and I think that’s part of where the fun in writing came from, snickering to my self about how people were likely to react to certain lines and feeling very clever with my use of cliches.

Most unintentionally telling story: Evening the Odds (Lewis, James/Robbie, gen). My husband is older than me (though not as much of an age difference as Robbie and James) and I do have thoughts similar to James’ in this fic from time to time.

Biggest disappointment: Not posting a fic in September. Which I know is ridiculous bc I posted so much fic but I still think about it and am annoyed with myself.

Biggest surprise: That I met and exceeded my fic a month goal and that I wrote in new fandoms. I must say I’m pretty damn proud of myself for having written so much.

I’m not doing the tagging thing bc I’m just not but if you wrote things in 2019 and haven’t done one of these I think you should. :)

Full list of everything I wrote in 2019 in chronological order blow.

More than all the rest of the world - Lewis (TV) (235 words) James/Robbie - teen - Fluff, Established Relationship “I love you,” James says, pressing a kiss to Robbie’s navel.

Takes one to know one - Lewis (TV) (570 words) James/Robbie - general audiences - Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending It was a stupid fight, it’s never anything but a stupid fight; the job getting to them and them taking it out on each other. Or the job getting to James and James taking it out on Robbie.

Now at the end of the day - Endeavour (TV) (389 words) Max/Morse - general audiences - Love Confessions When Morse walks into the morgue, Max is at the worktop under the windows performing his usual tidying up rituals.

His only remaining vice - Lewis (TV) (311 words) James/Robbie - general audiences - Established Relationship It is a Saturday, they don’t have a case and are down at the bottom of the rota; the day is miraculously their own. Yet they have ventured out into the bitter cold all same because James needs coffee and what they’ve got in the flat won’t do.

A Man About To Fly - Lewis (TV) (2524 words) James/Robbie - general audiences - Episode: s07e05-06 Intelligent Design parts 1-2, Angst with a hopeful ending James looks away from Lewis’ smile and takes another sip of his pint, but it’s not Lewis now, it’s Robbie. Robbie’s smile. To say the name aloud, to have Robbie smile at him like that when he does, is a gift. A gift James has received just in time for it to no longer be useful.

Evening the Odds - Lewis (TV) (605 words) James/Robbie  - general audiences - Established Relationship, Angst, Discussion of Mortality James is beautiful, a silhouette in the dark, light from the street lamp catching his hair in an almost halo and turning the smoke bright as it drifts above the garden wall; but the beauty of the moment doesn’t outweigh Robbie’s hope that the next time James tries to give up smoking it will stick.

Misuse of Police Resources - Lewis (TV) (4275 words) James/Robbie, Laura Hobson - explicit - Light Bondage, Masturbation He should have gone with rope, then he’d be able to untie himself, but he couldn’t quite maintain the fantasy of Lewis tying him up in intricate knots, except for how he’s always doing it unintentionally. James thumps his head back against the mattress in defeat. He’s not getting out of this on his own, he’s going to have to ring someone, and there are very few someones in his life.

Delayed Gratification - Victoria (TV) (1723 words) Lord Palmerston/Lady Palmerston - mature - Missing Scene, Episode 3x05 A Show of Unity Emily steps back, breaking the kiss, and Henry leans toward her making a low hum of protest. She takes his hand and leads him to her dressing room; their dressing room now that he has returned, as is their tradition. When they are together here in the castle away from parliamentary time pressure, they dress and undress each other.

Enkindled Spring - Lewis (TV) (4170 words) James/Robbie - teen - Established Relationship, Magical Realism, Wingfic, Alternate Universe, Fluff A large bird with a tail similar to a swallow is soaring overhead, James’ gaze hasn’t left it since he finished his sandwich. I wonder if he’s remembering how it feels to soar through the air, the sun warming his back and wings. It’s a sight I’d very much like to see.

Morris Dancers - Dreaming Spires Radio - Lewis (TV) (2872 words) James/Robbie - teen - Nightvale AU, Alternate Universe, Supernatural Elements Trees are in full bloom all across our fair city, filling the streets with the scent of their perfume and the edges of our peripheral vision with those familiar swirling shadows that can’t quite be seen no matter how fast you turn your head. Do not fear the shadows, they mean you no harm. Unless you have personally offended their families. This is Dreaming Spires Radio and I am, as always, your host, James Hathaway.

Overture - Lewis (TV) (5947 words) James/Laura/Robbie - explicit - Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Threesome The way they keep looking at him and at each other is enough to make a bloke think things that can’t possibly be true. If pressed Robbie would have to admit that the thought has crossed his mind; him and Laura, him and James, the three of them together, but it’s only ever been a thought, wank fodder, never a real possibility.

Aftermath - Lewis (TV) (1407 words) James/Robbie - teen - Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions Robbie wakes to a steady beeping in a bed that’s not his own. He feels like he’s been hit by a lorry. Wait. He was. Or near enough, if it weren’t for James. James.

A storm that blackens the quiet sea - Lewis (TV) (727 words) James/Robbie - teen - Established Relationship, case-related angst James takes a long drag and leans against the wall, turning his face to the grey winter sky. It will be dark soon, they’ve been in court all day, yet it’s come to nothing. Less than nothing. He can’t keep letting cases get to him like this.

Even the weeds are green and flowering - Lewis (TV), Inspector Morse (TV), Endeavour (TV)) (2057 words) James/Robbie, Max/Morse - general audiences - Gardens & Gardening, Fluff, Established Relationship, Reminiscence Watching James at his careful work—snipping off a branch or two, stepping back to consider the bush as a whole, snipping another branch—brings to mind another garden, much better kept than Robbie’s poor neglected allotment. A garden with roses that weren’t altogether dissimilar to these.

No Holiday - Shetland (TV) (1539 words) Jimmy/Duncan - mature - Extended Scene, Episode: s05e05, Angst Duncan raises the bottle to Jimmy’s retreating back, looks up at the Merrie Dancers, and takes a hearty swig. There’s not quite enough whisky left to completely dull the echo of Jimmy’s words in his head, but he’ll give it a go.

In the forests of the night Lewis (TV) (6846 words) James/Robbie - teen - Magical Realism, Alternate Universe, Shapeshifters, Love Confessions “I’m fine, lad. You’re the one who’s in danger.” “From what?” James swings his arms out wide to encompass the empty moor in all directions. “We’re trained police officers and there’s no one else here.” “From me,” Robbie says. Whether or not there are other dangers out on the moor, the danger Robbie poses is worse. If James doesn’t get going soon there’s nothing Robbie’s going to be able to do to protect him.

Over the Edge - Lewis (TV) (11809 words) James/Robbie - mature - Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, First Kiss Ignoring it then. James can do that. He can sit here while Lewis helps him on with the sling and not lean into his touch. He can get into bed once the sling is fastened and close his eyes and pretend the reason he’s breathing a bit heavier than normal is down to exhaustion and pain. It’s not untrue, even if it’s not the whole truth. He can accept the water and painkillers Lewis brings him, and not read anything into it when Lewis smooths the duvet over his chest and tells him to get some sleep. He can do that. He can close his eyes even though it’s not even properly dark yet and not think about the pain in his shoulder or the pain in his head or the pain of longing for Lewis to touch him and mean it. He can try to sleep.

Winter Wonderland - Lewis (TV)) (5530 words) James/Robbie - explicit - Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Romantic Cliches, Oral Sex, Fingerfucking, Only One Bed, but they never make it to the bed The radio has been going on about the unprecedented snowfall for the past two very slow hours of driving; two hours which would have been one without the snow. Astounding snowfall rates, the announcer keeps saying. What’s astounding is that they’ve made it here at all with how bad the roads are. What’s astounding is that Robbie has invited James on holiday. Not Laura, or Lyn, or anyone else, but James who he ought to have had enough of all day every day at work.

[frumfrumfroo]

I think the difference between the online POTO wank and the possible wank about TROS is that POTO was never viewed as a “neutral” (masculine) part of pop culture which is now seen as being invaded by the romance fangirls and “female” fandom. That’s the core of a lot of Reylo backlash: when you dig past the abuse arguments, in most cases there’s a serious discomfort with the idea that a property they thought was catered to masculine ideals of heroism and romance is being “taken over” or changed.

That’s certainly true of the ‘lol romance is stupid, SW isn’t Twilight’ fanboys, but that’s not where the idea that the ship is ‘controversial’ is coming from. They just don’t want the ST to be a love story at all, they don’t like being asked to empathise with a heroine’s attraction and tenderness towards a vulnerable, romantic male figure instead of a relatable everyman or macho fantasy’s incidental 'winning’ of the hot girl. They don’t care about purity, at max they’ll just say that compassion is weakness and they want to see all the bad guys murdered. In general, not specifically Ben. Which has always been stupid and antithetical to SW and they just stuck their fingers in their ears over it.

The ‘this is dangerous, an unacceptable message, and will cause outrage’ bullshit is coming from shipping fandom (romance-orientated, female dominated) and pop culture ‘critics’ who denounce everything they’re not personally into as some kind of society-destroying moral plague (mostly in the name of feminism). The former is using SJ as a weapon in a bog standard ship war and the latter is just ‘I am uncomfortable when we are not about me’.

[grimelords]

My July playlist is here, just in time for September! Four hours of hits from Lana Del Rey, Iannis Xenakis, KISS, Cameo and everyone in between. Please enjoy.

This Is What Makes Us Girls - Lana Del Rey: This is a really underrated Lana song I think. It's such a beautiful song and it's so heartbreaking the way she sings "they were the only friends I ever had". It's like an origin story for her whole thing detailing how she got bitten by a radioactive pabst, I love it.

Walking Into Sunshine (Larry Levan 12" Mix) - Central Line: A powerful good mood song that quickly takes on a vibe shift near the end when he says I've got to do it now, I've got to walk into the sun' which carries a different meaning than 'walk into the sunshine' to me. Embracing positivity versus self immolation in a nuclear furnace.

Fine di Cobb - Stelvio Cipriani: This is the most jamming harpsichord I think I have ever heard. This is from the soundtrack to an italian cop film called Mark il Poliziotto (Mark The Narc) that I found in a spotify playlist called Best Of Eurocrime that I cannot recommend enough. https://open.spotify.com/user/cinevox/playlist/1o3c0Con0ormlKc9r1gqxgSince 

Last Wednesday - Highasakite: Highasakite might be the worst band name I've ever heard and they're so lucky this song is as good as it is that it cancels that out.

Hilary $wank - Joey Bada$$: I was originally just going to post the instrumental of this because the beat it just so, so good. So busy without being cluttered and nicely melodic without clouding the space for the vocals. I also like this song a lot because just by virtue of being so upbeat it escapes the worst parts of a lot of other Joey Bada$$ 'real hip hop' type songs that are going for a throwback vibe but end up just sounding dated.

Girls - Royal Headache: Girls! Think they're too fine for me! Oh Girls! And I'm inclined to agree!

Something To Tell You - Haim: I'm slowly coming around to Haim's second album and I've finally decided it's good actually. I just hope they do a live album or something soon because their songs are so tightly structured that I think it's almost to their detriment, and every live video I've seen of them they really pull them apart and expand them in a nice organic way that just doesn't come through on the album.

Lavender - BadBadNotGood & Kaytranada: I can't tell whether I like this orginal version or the Nightfall remix with Snoop Dogg better, the verses are just regular Snoop but the vocals they put on the chorus are so good I sort of wish there was a third version that was just them with some other rapper.

New Seeds - Boards Of Canada: Realising that the sound at the start of this is extrapolated from mobile phone interference was a shocking moment for me.

Alligator Engine - Hunters & Collectors: Hunters And Collectors early albums where they sounded like the Talking Heads of the Mad Max universe don't get enough respect because of their huge regular sounding hits a few albums later and it's areal shame because this song is pure primal funk.

Fly Like An Eagle - Seal: This is the song that plays on the little muzak speakers in the cryogenic chamber for the four minutes you're still conscious while your body cools to absolute zero. Then you wake up in 400 years still humming it.

Come To Dust - Boards Of Canada: I was having such a huge moment with this album this month and lamenting the imminent end of our favourite earth The Earth, and this is really such a peaceful sort of resolute song right near the end of the album before the real ending of Semena Mertvykh makes you feel like a body dumped in the desert for scientific research into the nature of decomposition.

Kiss You All Over - Millie Jackson: I'm still not sure how I feel about this new Millie Jackson album that's old multitracks re-mixed by Steve Levine. The whole thing sounds kind of whack. What's good however, is when she adlibs "I wanna bite you on the ankles baby" out of nowhere near the end, and then says "on the ankles.. on the kneecaps.." as the song's fading out.

The Sorcerer - Twain: My girlfriend sent me this song and I have no idea where she found it but I love it. As soon as I heard the opening line I was completely hooked. It's such a beautiful and foreboding song that I really can't get a proper read on, I love it.

Men Today - Health: I'm looking for a chrome extension that makes this song play at maximum volume whenever anyone makes a post containing the phrase 'men today'. Huge wall of noise. Bloodthirsty drums. All the dirt owns us now, what we were ends in the ground.

Where Love Lives - Frankie Knuckles: I'm eagerly awaiting the day coming soon that 90s piano house goes from naff to revered and rockets back up the charts.

Nein König Nein - DJ Koze: This is the B side to Seeing Aliens off of DJ Koze's new album and I really love it, mostly for the groove it get into about halfway through, it reminds me of High Fidelity by Daft Punk where it's just chopped to hell and builds these sort of disparate rhythmic cuts into a really melodic frankenstein.

Blush - Leon Vynehall: I think I found this song and the next one by Spotify Radio off of the DJ Koze song above. I got into a real groove at work one day and these two were the best two to come out of it. The bassline/strings melody that centres this whole song is so good and so circular it could feasibly play for two hours and I wouldn't notice.

Last Land - John Talabot: The way the vocal sample just keeps bleeding into itself is hypnotising here, and it's also maybe the best and most unique kick sound I've heard in a long time.

Suzinak - Ross From Friends: I almost feel bad for Ross From Friends because he's making some really amazing music but he's stuck with this dogshit soundcloud name. The Durutti Column sample that forms the basis of this song is really nicely placed without just feeling like a rip-off, but where this song really shines is in the last minute or so where it magically transitions into a crunching guitar driven thing that sounds like it's playing next door.

Canary Yellow - Deafheaven: The most incredible thing about this album is the sense of optimism that pervades it. This isn't a genre that really lends itself to hope or beauty but somehow Deafheaven have captured it in a way I didn't really think possible. It feels like they've expanded the emotional palette of the whole genre with this album, without sacrificing any of what makes it great.

Strutter - Kiss: I had this song stuck in my head the other day, but I'd remembered it wrong and had it mixed up with the chorus of Lovers And Sinners by Dallas Crane. In my version he's saying 'strutter' the way they say 'lovers'. There's an incredible song in there somewhere, but the original is pretty good too.

Lovers And Sinners - Dallas Crane: See above I guess. It's interesting listening to Dallas Crane now as a new generation is reappraising and being inspired by pub rock all over again and somehow the difference between Dallas Crane and Jet versus Bad//Dreems and Peep Tempel couldn't be more pronounced despite their shared roots. Where the former idolises the glamour of a bygone age of rock and roll the latter are reapprorating it in a more directly emotional, less flashy way.

Evryali - Iannis Xenakis: From what I understand from reading the wiki article on this piece this was generated by doing about five different kinds of extreme nerd graph maths and then turning that into music via more maths and when he finally turned up with the completed score it was so fucking stupid it had notes that don't physically exist on a standard piano in it. Now that's rock and roll. It's hard to make sense of this without the context of its composition because it feels incredibly random, but this performance by Stephnos Thomopoulos really brings meaning to the total chaos of it. I think solo piano is such a good medium for generative-type works like this because it feels like the simplest way to see everything happening without the tonal clutter of synthesised or orchestral sounds muddying the already extremely muddy waters.

Easy Way Out - Money For Rope: I love bands with two drummers and Money For Rope really know how to use two drummers, which is simply use them exactly like you would one drummer but pan them left and right so I can hear when they do different fills at the same time and get a thrill. A really good song about killing yourself when you're old(?)

Sophisticated Lady - Art Tatum: I've been having a big Art Tatum phase recently and it's hard to overstate just how much I believe Art Tatum came from another planet to teach us about the piano. He is really and truly from another dimension. So off the charts insanely good at making a whole universe from a simple tune. It's like every single note gets its own full trip around the block before he moves on.

Stay As Sweet As You Are - Art Tatum: This is an absolute odyssey in five minutes. Without ever losing focus, or losing track of the central theme, it's like he takes it apart piece by piece and reassembles it anew every single bar right before your eyes.

No Line On The Horizon - U2: 2000s U2 gets a bad rap, and it's mostly deserved but there's still some very good stuff in there. This song is so good, and so nicely produced it's a real shame that it opens the album that eventually contains Get On Your Boots.

Tools Down - The Presets: Not only is this song great, but they use the exact same synth sound as the one they used for Madeline's voice in Celeste, which has the nice side effect of making it seem like Madeline is singing along to this great song.

Open Sesame (12" Version) - Kool & The Gang: I've definitely put this on my list before but this is probably the best song ever recorded. It's incredible top to bottom for all 9 minutes and never fails to put me in a great mood.

Peril - Martin O'Donnell: I was thinking about the Halo 2 soundtrack and was shocked to remember correctly that this strange Enya knock-off made it into the highest selling game of 2004.

Drumgasm - Weiss/Cameron/Hill: I cannot belive I haven't heard of this album before now. It's Janet Weiss from Sleater-Kinney, Matt Cameron from Pearl Jam and Zach Hill all playing drums for 40 minutes and it's incredible. I would never have expected Weiss and Cameron to be the sort of drummers to do something like this, but they absolutely nail it. The different styles of the three really meld well and they all seem to lead at different times. This album is the sort of thing that seems like it would be extremely exhausting, and probably would be in most circumstances but somehow they pulled it off. It's engaging and for the most part, driven, purposeful music with direction; which is saying a lot for an album of three drummers just going absolutely hard as motherfuckers for most of an hour.

Apollo - St Paul & The Broken Bones: I love this song but the way he sings the first line makes me laugh because it sounds almost exactly like Drew Tarver's Donny Gary character. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ArjvUUptw and I'm blessed to have this song about reusing mcdonalds cups play in my head every single time I'm in a mcdonalds.

Million Times Alone - Bad//Dreems: This is maybe the best song about working night shift and having depression I've ever heard. The part about sleeping in the day in the bright sun in a boiling hot house is an especially vicious sense memory for me.

Slow Mover - Angie McMahon: My girlfriend showed me this and I absolutely love it. I also feel extremely old because I just googled it and apparently it's an Unearthed song that made the Hottest 100 this year and I didn't even notice. The best approximation I can make of how I feel about this song is the google autocomplete when you google it that goes 'angie mcmagon slow mover meaning?' and the top comment on the Genius page for it that says 'I cried my eyes out when I first heard this song.’

Drop The Bomb (feat. MF DOOM) - YOTA: Youth Of The Apocalypse: This is the new band from the non-Clash guitarist and bassist from Gorillaz, as well as Jamie Reynolds from Klaxons and I'm so glad it exists because the new Gorillaz album was such a snore and this really feels like what it should have been. Somehow it seems Damon Albarn is not the thing that makes Gorillaz great, it's the other guys which is very very strange.

Word Up - Cameo: Mostly thinking about this song because of Carl Tart's extremely good episode of Comedy Bang Bang where he spoke in the cadence of this and the other Cameo song for the whole episode https://www.earwolf.com/episode/word-down/

Lee - Tenacious D: I don't know what's going on but I got into a real Tenacious D thing this month. Thinking deeply about comedy music for some reason. Anyway this song is so much fun and it reminds me of Tony's Theme by Pixies.

Tony's Theme - Pixies: I love the idea of writing a nonsense song about your friend Tony, who you love, to put right in the middle of your otherwise pretty serious alt rock album. If you know any other songs in the genre of Lee and Tony's Theme please reply and tell me them because I think it's really funny genre.

Burning Down The House - Tom Jones & The Cardigans: I woke up one morning with the sound of Tom Jones singing 'strange but not a stranger' in my head and it took me so much googling to find out it was this version of Burning Down The House that I was thinking of, without having heard it in probably ten years. I like that this song is ostensibly a duet but Nina Persson has such a thin voice and Tom Jones is the most powerful man to have ever lived that she's sort of just automatically relegated to backing vocals by default.

Horseshoe Crabs - Hop Along: I heard about this from the Jason Mantzoukas What's In My Bag video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecfWVhz-wyc. I cannot believe how her voice sounds, it's just incredible. The way she sings "baby's heading home" at the start shocked me, it sounds like recordings of three different people cut together. It's just amazing. I already loved this song a lot and then when I looked into it I found out it's about Jackson C. Frank and it made me cry.

Long Wat - Khun Narin: This is another one I got from the Jason Mantzoukas What's In My Bag video, it's a Thai pschedelic street band and it's quite simply the jam of a lifetime.

listen here

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW34+

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Salah and Mane

IN (for -4 points): Sterling and De Bruyne

Pretty straightforward removal of the Livp players as discussed on the pod the only real question was whether or not I wanted to get Razzybaby or Mahrez. It's been a while since I played with Raz and his underlying stats have been looking good. Also has the possibility of playing down the middle given the pile of wank that Jesus has looked recently.

Kevin off a rest feels like it's time to get him back in and rectify the huge mistake I made in binning him in the first place. 

GK:

de Gea (avl)

Villa looked up for it against Livp yesterday but luckily they are Villa and they don't really have any players who can score a goal. Hopefully that is enough.

DEF:

Maguire (avl)

I've decided to throw him back out and give Saiss another spell on the bench. As disheartening as it is to actually watch this player play the game..they're still good. They should still completely dominate the proceedings here and realistically a clean should come. Air quotes around should. All I can do is hope that he doesn't make yet another unforced error leading to a goal.

Doherty & Boly (shu)

Exposing myself to two pieces of the clean rather than three seems reasonable.

Sheffu are a fucked up mess going forward with injuries and issues in midfield as well as nothing to play for. Wolves will be absolutely dying for the three points after an off day against the Arsenal I expect them to smother Sheffu and easily smother them. After a full house of defensive blanks this GW just gone I feel much more hopeful with these fixtures.

MID:

Fernandes (avl)

What can be said of the man. Absolute machine just shits fpl points. He picks himself.

Pulisic (cry)

Kid has been looking good since the restart and is very clearly their danger man right now. It's good to see him building momentum and playing like this though, good for Chelsea and good for fpl. He should keep trickling points in and has brace potential every game he plays. Just a great pick at the moment and with us looking pretty beached there are probably goals to be had here.

De Bruyne, Foden, & Sterling (NEW)

Very quickly went from 0 City to max attack attack attack with the fraud's boys. They are still just creating one thousand chances per game so having all the things seems fine. Have been here many, many times before and it usually goes pretty badly, but this time it'll be different, right?

FWD:

Kane (bou)

Holy shit writing this as the final whistle blows in the Everton game. Shocking. Don't think I saw him go into a sprint all 90 and was back in midfield. Hopefully he doesn't pick up a yellow card and gets me 2 points instead of 1 before I sell him on.  

Calvert-Lewin (SOU)

Jesus Christ Everton.

They have 1 goal from open play since the restart and look about at the level of Norwich. I might bench him for Saiss...?

I'll have to give this a little bit more mulling over but it seems like Carlo is trying to just sabotage the rest of the season to avoid Europa or some shit dunno what they are doing. Fuck Everton. They just look like ridiculous jokes right now ugh.

CAP:

Foden (NEW)

Hi Alon.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Was poking around the forwards to see if there’s anyone I like or trust a lot and every guy I like is not a guy that I trust. The Venn Diagram crossover has no one in the middle just like Giroud and Iheanacho and Gayle and shit in the guys I like circle and Ings and maybe no one else in the guys I trust circle and no overlap... So fuck it I’m saving and benching DCL and figuring it out next week with max flexibility.

GK:

Ederson (NEW)

Should be an easy clean for City unless Eddy pushes up to the halfway line and gets DUON by the flying fucks of Newcastle... No St. Max though so it really should be easy.

Although Dwight’s coming for that Ederson ass (shoutout Tzar007).

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold (bha)

Who knows what’s up with Liverpool??? It’s so weird and chill and they look really bad but also who cares because they’re the best??? Genuinely no idea what the lineup will be any week and no idea how they’ll play and how Trent will play... Just sorta holding for now and will address when it becomes an issue for me.

Maguire (avl)

Choke the Villains to oblivion except for the few chances they’ll get and we just need Harry/Lindy/Daveed to not fuck up in those three moments and this’ll be a clean.

Doherty (shu)

Wolves’ attack has been complete and utter shit and the Dock isn’t helping really... Not sure if he’s just leggy with their small squad but I would feel pretty lucky to get any Wolves attacking points between Dock and Jim at this point. Hoping for a 0-0 in this one.

Stevens (WOL)

Spent the Twitch stream agonizing over what to do with my dog-shit forwards especially DCL and the solution that made the most sense to me was to just bench him and start my SHU wingback in a likely 0-0 game... Wolves suck at attacking so maybe 0-0 just gets me there with Dock and Enda... Always the chance of an assist too if it doesn’t go as planned. DCL ride the pine.

MID:

De Bruyne & Mahrez (NEW)

Cap Mahrez fucked me hard but whatever if/when these two get minutes they’ll get points. Hope they start!!! Just holding’em blindly.

Martial & Fernandes (avl)

Martial best pick of my season going with him from the r3start and I love him so it’s great. Everyone should probably own these two guys. Good shit.

Pulisic (cry)

Puli needs to get me a goal in open play so I feel better that he’s not just gonna tippy toe tap around the box for funsies and he’s actually going to be lethal. But regardless love him and he’s great and fun to watch so do your thing dog.

FWD:

Jimenez (shu)

Bleh. Such a bummer of a pick. Ceiling of 8 points and I expect 2 points basically regardless of opponent. Hmph.

Not happy with him or my forwards. Didn’t trust myself and started with Jim because it was “obvious” and “easy” and I didn’t back myself like a bitch.

CAP:

De Bruyne (NEW)

Not gonna overthink it here with the best player in the best fixture and just go get my points...

It’s not “fun” or “exciting” but hopefully I get a big leg-up on the people who cap Bruno/Tony/Foden (hi Walsh) etc... Think Kev is pretty nailed on to start after the benching and I think they’ll score a ton of goals vs. Newc... Keeping it simple.

[00qad-ldws]

Week 2 Submissions

Below the cut are Week 2 submissions. The prompt was “not the laptop”, the word count was 2-0 max and the challenge was “Dialogue only”.

Voting and comments will be open until Monday 6/26 Noon EST.

Please Vote here

Last week we were regarded with some amazing content. This week the Writers upped their game (how is that possible??!) and there are more amazing pieces to read. Please consider commenting on the voting form. It’s an easy anonymous way to show some love and support to our writers!

Results and writers will be announced Monday after voting is closed and comments will be emailed to the writers as well.

Title: Cracking the Code

Author: @iamanonniemouse

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Summary: In which Danny rarely says what he actually means. Alex translates.

--

“James, can you pass me the thing?”

“The—Danny, what the hell are you on about?”

“You know, the, the clicky thing right there.”

“This?”

“No, not the laptop, the clicky thing!”

“What are we discussing in here?”

“Q, what does Danny mean by ‘clicky thing’?”

“Hm. Is it this?”

“No, I don't want Alex's laptop, guys, come on!”

“If you could be more specific, perhaps?”

“Piss off, James! Alex can always figure it out.”

“Sorry, but we aren't half as brilliant as Turner. Clearly.”

“All I want is the—Alex! Can you pass me the clicky thing?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

“You just passed him the stapler.”

“Yes.”

“It doesn't even click!”

“Shut up, Q!”

“Sometimes it almost does.”

“Don't defend him, Alex. Danny's just weird, that's all.”

“Yes. But not in a bad way.”

“Wow, thanks, Alex. Hey, while you're over there, can you grab me the bubble thing? Thank you.”

“...It’s called a fizzy drink!”

  Title: Guilty?

Author: @sunaddicted

Rating: G

Warnings: it's angsty, folks

Summary:  sometimes, trusting people is the only thing you can do

  "Would you like some tea?"

"How polite. However, it would be quite problematic, drinking tea with my hands shackled to the table"

"Q, you're really not in the position of making sarcasm"

"Tell me James, what have I left to lose?"

"Please"

"Oh, I see. They thought that a friendly face might loosen my tongue, didn't they?"

"Christ I'm trying to help you!"

"James, you're not as influential as you fancy yourself to be: the higher ups are using our relationship to get what they want "  

"Why do you think they sent me here?"

"Because you didn't find it"

"We did find your laptop, Q"

"No, not the laptop. It's useless in your hands, anyway"

"What are they looking for, then?"

"The chip, obviously, but you knew that already"

"Where is it, Q?"

"..."

"TELL ME!"

"Don't shout at me, James"

"Where. Is.  It?"

"... I destroyed it"

"So, they were telling the truth: you're a traitor"

"Do you really think that I could be a terrorist? God, I'm surprised you haven't shot me yourself yet"

"I love you, Q. But I don't understand what game you're playing at"

"Trust me then. Please"

  Title: Awkwardly perfect Author: @blood-suits-and-tears  Rating: G Warnings: read some parts with a bit of irony or sarcasm 😊 Summary: quiet Sunday dinner in the 00qad household

“Not the laptop!”

“I’m taking it away. I’ve warned you”

“Let me just finish-“

“No”

“We’re all waiting for you two…”

“At least he let me save what I was working on”

“Yeah, he learned from the time I gave him faulty equipment to test as he took my laptop away…”

“Dinner is getting cold”

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“I know you get carried away. Just come sit down now, I’m starving… I tried a bit earlier, but I had to make sure it was right for all of your different tastes”

“We really do appreciate it, thank you, Danny”

“It all looks great… and tastes amazing”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full”

“Not sorry, just too good”

“You could at least try to be civilised… at times”

“Never”

“I don’t know how we deserve each other sometimes”

“We just complement one another perfectly…occasionally in awkward ways but nonetheless”

“And we make time and spend it together, like now”

“…but I really should get back to work…”

“What did I just say about time together”

“You’re a fast worker, you’ll be fine”

“You’re not bringing the laptop out here. We’re spending quality time together and you deserve a break, Alex”

 Title: Ravelry

Author: @gwylliondream

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Summary: Danny and his lovers take up a new hobby.

 “I can't believe you guys are actually interested in knitting.”

“Anything for you, Danny.”

“It will give 009 something to do, besides pestering me for mods to his Aston.”

“I still haven't forgiven you for that.”

“Liar.”

“Alright, now that we’ve learned to cast on, it’s time to make socks.”

“I sincerely hope word of this doesn't get back to 6.”

“I swear I won't mention it to M when I stop to visit.”

“You're on better terms with him than most. How can we be sure that we can trust you?”

“Alex!”

“I can't believe he just said that.”

“He's bluffing. You guys know that he trusts me with his life. Okay, the next thing we need to learn is the magic loop method.”

“Sounds kinky.”

“I'll show you my magic loop.”

“Oh, please.…”

“Load up the instructions.”

“Bossy.”

“You love it.”

“What's the name of that knitting site again?”

“Not the laptop, just use your mobile.”

“I can't see anything on that microscopic screen. Use his laptop.”

“Go to ravelry.com.”

“Thanks, love.”

“Oooh, look at those socks!”

“I'll knit you each a pair for Christmas.”

“Oh, James, will you really?”

“With pleasure, my dears… with pleasure.”

  Title:  Technical Support

Author: @iambid 

Rating: Gen

Warnings:  None

Summary:  James interferes.

 “Give us a kiss.”

“James.  I’ve told you a million times – not while I’m working.”

“It’s Saturday.  You should be relaxing.  Just a quick one.”

“Don’t pout at me like that.  It’s most unbecoming in a man of your age.”

“A man of my age?  You cheeky scamp.  I’ve more energy than the three of you put together!”

“And yet the answer is still no.”

“Just a quick fumble.”

“Sod off.  I just need to get Danny’s… arrrghmmmmmph!”

“Hehehe.  C’mon baby, that’s it.  Spread your legs for me… get your bum up on the desk…”

“You’re a beast… a menace to society… oh God, that feels good… right there.  Yes… Mind my cup of tea!  Noooo!!  Not the laptop!!”

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed.  I’ve been working on installing a new camera in it all bloody morning so Danny can Skype Alex while he’s in America…”

“Q, did you manage to finish my… What the hell’s happened to my laptop?!”

“Oh Danny, sweetheart.  I’m so sorry.  James just spilt my tea on it.  It’s OK though I just need to get the cover off and then I can dry it out.”

“Q?”

“Yes darling?”

“Shouldn’t you put your underpants back on first?”

  Title: Poor Form

Author: @brookebond

Beta: @jambees221b

Rating: Mature

Warnings: None

Summary: Bond is away on a mission. Alex and Danny are out of the flat. Q has a bit of time with some pictures.

 “Did you get the pictures?”

“Mmmm… Yes. Who would have thought our beloved quartermaster had a penchant for lace?”

“If you show anyone—”

“I wouldn’t dare, pet.”

“Good.”

“Have you opened my gift yet?”

“The email? I’m looking at it now.”

“Are you touching yourself?”

“—”

“You are, aren’t you? God that’s hot.”

“—”

“Talk to me, Q. Tell me what you’re doing.”

“James…”

“Shall I tell you what to do?”

“Please.”

“If I was there, I’d have you splayed out in one of those little lacy things you seem to like.”

“Oh yes. The red ones.”

“Mmmm yes, those were my favourite. Would you hold still or would I have to tie you up? I know you love the feel of my silk ties restraining you.”

“Please… Oh James—”

“That’s it, Q. I love hearing you fall apart. Imagine me there, between your legs, tongue pressing into you.”

“Oh James… I’m going to—”

“Come for me.”

“James!”

“Yes, you’re perfect Q... Oh God...”

“—”

“—”

“Shit…”

“What’s wrong?”

“The laptop got in the way.”

“Oh, Q... Not the laptop. Come’s so hard to clean. What will Danny say?”

“Shut up.”

“It was Alex’s again, wasn’t it?”

Title: Standby

Author: @lille082

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: Brief mention of (prescription) drug use;

Summary: Q isn’t the best when it comes to traveling…

 “Are you all set, love?”

“Er…just grabbing- “

“No, Q.  Not the laptop.”

“But-“

“Babe, James is right.  We’re going to relax.  You’d be distracted the whole time because somebody fed their gun to a shark or something.”

“If anything happens, R will call me or James.”

“Fine…but if we get stranded in Seychelles because WWIII starts, you’re all to blame.”

“We better leave.”

“Have you got-“

“In my pocket.”

“And Eve has-”

“I gave it to her yesterday.”

“Oh, I forgot-“

“Hey, look at me, Q.  Relax.  Breathe.  We’ve got this, okay?”

“Okay…but what if-“

“You should take a Xanax now, then another on the plane.”

“I-I guess, yeah.  Thanks, Alex.”

“Just think, Q  We’ll have the whole beach to ourselves and have mimosas for breakfast and, oh! Turtles!  Anyway, we’ll be having far too much sex on the beach for you to bother with your laptop.”

“I told you, Danny, sand gets everywhere.”

“But it’s romantic.”

“See?  Alex and Q and I will be having romantic beach sex while you wank inside, alone, not getting dirty.”

“I’ll show you getting dirty…”

“Boys, play nice.”

“Besides, Q, I’m not sure the resort even has internet.”

“What?!”

   Title: Not another lie

Author: @themuller13

Rating: general audiences

Warnings: None

Summary: Danny is desperate.

 “Danny! Not. The. Laptop!”

“Why, Q? Why shouldn’t I smash it? Together with all the rest of your bloody equipment?!”

“Because.”

“Because—what? Tell me where Alex is! Show me that he is safe!”

“Danny, you have to believe me—“

“Believe you? All of you, every single one of you have told nothing but lies. All the damned time. Why should I believe you now?”

“Alex is safe. My brother is with Bond. They need to debrief him. Take him to medical.”

“Does he know I’m here? With you?”

“Yes, Danny, Alex knows. James told him, I told him. We would never have found him without your help. He knows.”

“I want to see him!”

“Danny, Alex is safe. But he was injured. James will call.”

“Q. Please, I can’t wait any longer. I need to tell him.”

“What, Danny?”

“I need to tell him. That none of it mattered. The lies, the mistakes. That I love him, just the same. That I, I love him. Still. Now. Knowing it all. I wish he can hear me say it.”

“I’ll show you. Yes?”

“Please, Q. Tell me, it’s not a lie. Please.”

“Look. It’s not. Here. The video feed from medical."

[msjr0119]

We Belong

Part 13 - Continued

Read this part first before reading below....

******

“How could she be so calm about it? You said my name....” Still shocked with his confession, she was wondering why Olivia hadn’t informed her about it especially if it was court gossip. After all Olivia had a tendency of stirring the pot.

“I was shocked too. We split up there and then. As I left her, I felt awful. I’d never do that to you- it’s always been you. We spoke after that. We’re still friends. I was disappointed when you didn’t attend Liam’s social season. Deep down I was hoping that you’d come, I was ready to tell you the truth. The whole truth. If you rejected me, I would have been hurt even though I was never expecting you to ever return the feelings. You never came- I never thought I’d see you again.”

“The reason I chose not to come... I wanted to.. I missed you all. But I didn’t want to be the reason for Liam not finding true love.. I know I’ve been pretty non existent over the years, but you’d have seen me again. Even if it was only in your fantasies... using your hand...” winking at him, she placed her hand down his trousers. “But you don’t need to wank over me anymore. I’m here to do it for you. I’m assuming we will be living at my Duchy? Possibly having weekends at your cabin?” Drake had a sudden erection, just thinking about her hands wrapped around his shaft. “That sounds like a good plan, Duchess Evangeline.”

“I always have good plans Duke Drake. Hey, if I’m busy- and you need to see to yourself ... my mothers spirit could walk in on you this time?” Laughing about his embarrassing moment, he shook his head.

“I thought your Mom and Dad were going to bury me in the back garden of your estate...”

“Drake? Do you want some breakfast? Savannah and Evie are downstairs.” fuck go away Michaela... please...

“Erm, I’m coming...” Quite literally... please go away.

Michaela opened the door, her eyes widened seeing the young man laid on the bed, his hand wrapped around his shaft- his eyes closed, repeating the same name over and over again.

“Shit! I’m sorry, Drake. Breakfast is on the table... when you’re ready...” Feeling embarrassed with himself, he covered himself up with the nearest thing next to him. Left over apple pie on a plate. Balancing the plate over his cock, he didn’t know where to look.

“I’m sorry, Duchess Bruley...”

“Drake, call me Michaela. You live under my roof now....” Turning to exit the room, she paused at the door- before facing him, his face was now painted a bright shade of red.

“Did I overhear you say my daughters name whilst you was seeing to yourself?” Fuck.

“I think that you misheard me...” Raising her eyebrows up towards him, she was fully aware that he was denying it possibly due to embarrassment. Shaking her head, she let out a slight laugh.

“My daughter is beautiful - I may sound bias. Even though I’m mortified walking in on you- I don’t blame you... boys will be boys eh Drake?” Winking at him, she left the room. Drake eventually cleaned himself up and headed down towards the kitchen.

“Good morning, young Walker.” Alexander said providing Drake with a soft smile. Still feeling embarrassed, he daren’t make eye contact with Michaela. Sitting next to Evie, he felt more nervous than ever.

“Drake? Are you okay?” Noticing that he wasn’t his usual self- she was concerned for her friend. Placing her hand over his, he flinched at her touch knowing that her mother was watching him like a hawk. Removing his hand, he placed it in his pocket instead.

“He’s more than okay darling.. aren’t you Drake?” Nodding towards Michaela, there was an awkward silence in the kitchen.

“Do you fancy going for a ride?”

He’d like to ride our daughter, Michaela whispered in Alexander’s ear before explaining what had happened upstairs. Alexander’s eyes widened at his wife’s words.

“Sure.” The three of them stood up, ready to go to the stables.

“Drake, may I have a word with you before you head out with the girls please?” Evie hesitantly waited, before her father gave her that knowing look to leave them alone.

“We will wait for you outside, Drake.” Alexander nodded, kissing his daughter on the cheek- his focus was now to talk with the young man who he had taken in.

“So my wife has informed me about before. What are your intentions with my daughter?”

“Nothing your grace.” Fuck, he hates me. He’s going to kill me. His body began to tremble with fear.

“As long as you are living under my roof, it’s Alexander- not Duke Bruley or your grace. Man to man.... you can tell me anything. I’ll be a father figure to you, I’m not trying to replace your father. We all miss him. I know that it would be hard to talk to your mom about these things if she was here. Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of Drake, we all do it. Michaela said that you didn’t have any material when you was doing your ‘business’. Did you say our daughters name?”

“Yes.” Feeling like he was under oath, he knew there wouldn’t be a way to get out of it- he couldn’t lie anymore. The two adults began laughing before smiling at the young man stood in front of them wearing a perplexed expression.

“Drake, your father told us that you like her- more than a friend. We won’t tell her, don’t worry.”

“I know I’m only fourteen, but I think I love your daughter...” wishing that the floor could swallow him whole, he flinched as Alexander walked closer towards him. Patting him on the shoulder, Drake felt relieved that it was only a pat and not a strangle instead. Alexander led Drake outside to where the girls had prepared the horses.

“Daddy? Is everything okay?” Let me handle this, he whispered to Drake.

“Yes, darling. I was just explaining to Drake how grateful I am for his friendship with you.” Evie looked at her friend, not quite believing her father’s words- assuming he could have said that infront of everyone rather than being all secretive. “And I’ve asked him to look out for you if anything should happen to myself and your mother. He’s always going to be there for you in the future, aren’t you son?”

“Why did you call him son? Of course he’s gonna look after me. We’re best friends. Even when we’re older and married we’re still going to be the best of friends. Right, Drake?”

“Right.” Evie walked over towards Drake and did their infamous handshake. I mean it Drake, I’m depending on you to look after my baby girl. You need to tell her how you feel.

“You could have given my mother a heart attack... I can’t believe you was wanking over me right under my nose. Why couldn’t you tell me? My father practically told me, and I didn’t realise. You are lucky that he loved you. Or we’d have been going to your funeral... are you going to look after me?”

“Why can’t you believe it? You’re beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, funny, intelligent.. why would I wank over anyone else? I’m going to be the best husband I can be, from now on I’m protecting you and looking after you. I will love you with all of my heart.”

“Friends, to lovers. I can’t wait to become your wife.. but can we go inside, I’m fucking freezing...” Placing her hand into his, she led him towards the apartment. Abruptly preventing her from making another step forward, he wore a smirk.

“Drake?”

“We’re not going back to the apartment...”

“Where are we going?”

Hey guys, myself and Evie aren’t returning to the apartment.

What? Why? Where are you? What happened? Maxwell responded first. Biting his lip, wondering what had exactly happened once he had left them.

We are going to a hotel, I am spoiling my fiancée. D x

Everyone in the apartment received the text at the same time- all breaking out in to huge grins.

“Well done Maxwell!” Max said as he pat himself on the back. “Liam gave Drake a prep talk too...” Riley interrupted Maxwell’s solo celebration.

“To Drake and Evangeline. Now I’m going to leave you all, I need five star treatment rather than being cramped in here with you all.” Olivia felt relieved that her best friend had sorted out her love life, now she wasn’t required to stay there she intended on sorting her own love life out.

*****

Bastien decided to call Glen to see how things were back in Cordonia, or specifically how a certain person was- Bianca. Olivia was taking a long soak in the bath, he was eager to join her but knew he had to quickly do this. The shorter the call was, the quicker he could relax with the woman he loved.

“Bastien. Where have you been? You need to return to Cordonia now!” Oh for fuck sake, what now? Give me a fucking break.

Bastien, hurry up! I need you right now!

I’ll only be a second Liv.

“Glen...What’s happened?” There was a pause on the other side of the line. Rolling his eyes back, he impatiently waited for the guard to respond. Hearing Glen sigh, Bastien tried to figure out what the urgency could be about.

“Glen?”

“It’s about Bianca Walker.....”