#maybe you just like the crazy sidekicks who actually contribute to the story instead of checking the ensemble box

[artist-issues]

All right I loved Twisters, too, but I have to stress that there wasn't anything in it that was groundbreaking. Nothing incredible.

Just plain good. Straightforward. Simply good. Wrapped up in a nice neat package. Not trying to right all the wrongs or check all the boxes.

Please don't put Glen Powell in every movie from here to 2029, he did a good job, but it wasn't him, it was the plain good story, and he and the others disappeared into that, that's their job, don't put them in every movie they won't FIT in every movie

[aibidil]

2017 Feel-Good Drarry Fic

A few days ago I posted a rec list of 2017 Drarry fic that tackled Important Issues. But not every fic has to be important or political, and I wanted to also put together a list of some fics that have made us smile, laugh, cackle, awwww, and generally feel good about life. Thank you to everyone who puts a smile on the collective face of the fandom. Again, this is not a “best-of” or “favorites” list, and it is unavoidably subjective (and thank you to everyone who contributed ideas to the list!), but I hope you get some joy from these fics. Humor, fluff, crack, and smiles ahead (in no particular order)!

Pretty Fond of Not Very Good Ideas by @lqtraintracks: Harry Peterson, Orderer Extraordinaire, and his trusty sidekick, Ray. Or: Harry's been hit with a memory charm, but it's okay because he realises he's bent for Draco Malfoy.

It looked a lot bigger in the picture by @ravenclawsquill: Draco is determined to experience the full novelty of an authentic Muggle holiday. Harry doesn't quite understand, but when does he ever understand Draco? (Or, the time Harry and Draco accidentally went dogging in a car the size of a matchbox.) 

I Can’t Take It! by @xx-thedarklord-xx: After the war, Draco Malfoy became an author. A best selling author whose books move the hearts of those who read them. Which wouldn't be a problem for Ron if all of them weren't about Harry! It was obvious to him that Malfoy was in love with his best friend but why was it that no one else seemed to think so? He was going to get to the bottom of this and get Harry to stop mooning over the blonde idiot at the same time. Perhaps, they just needed someone to come along and get them to fess up. For the safety of his own sanity, Ron was going to help Malfoy ensnare Harry. That is, if they can get along long enough not to kill each other.

It’s Our Party and We’ll Fuck If We Want To by @firethesound: It's like if a tree falls in the forest, Harry thinks. Sneaking away to blow his boyfriend in a coat closet at their own housewarming is only a bad idea if they get caught, right?

A Hyperactive Fruit, a Nasty Neighbour and a Love Story by @synonym-for-life: Potter’s pet Niffler is wreaking havoc in Godric’s Hollow and Draco, the Assistant Head to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, is the one that has to deal with it. Repeatedly. The fact that Potter keeps coming to Draco’s office in grey jogging bottoms - repeatedly - does in no way help the matter. 

Just Friends (Or Why Draco Malfoy Shouldn’t Have Sex in His Office) by @unadulteratedstorycollector: Harry and Draco are Auror partners, friends, and um... well, that's it. Yes, Hermione, that is it. At least it is until Harry catches him doing a certain something that he can't get out of his mind.

Mugglewear and Broomstick Skills by @callingdrarry: The eighth years attempt a game of football in Muggle Studies. What is meant to be an insight into Muggle sports turns into a fashion show of ridiculous outfits and Harry nearly losing his mind.

when life hands you (lulu)lemons by @carpemermaidtales: Harry grows bored with his usual running path, and finds himself a surprising new jogging partner when he takes a different route. 

The River Thames on a Sunday by @lqtraintracks: A slice of their life in London. Harry jogs. Draco tinkers about. There's rimming. And tea.

Better Than an Origami Bird by @o0o-chibaken-o0o and @jadepresley: A series of letters in which Harry and Draco argue, play truth or dare, get kinky, and are a couple of very naughty (or very good, depending on who you ask) boys during class.

The Sleeping Beauty Curse by anonymous for HD-Erised: When Draco Malfoy falls into a cursed sleep and can only be woken – at least, according to the Daily Prophet, that impeccable source of truth – by ‘true love’s kiss’, Harry Potter knows there’s no way on earth he’s the answer to this particular riddle. Is he . . .?

The Full Monty by @magpiefngrl: Harry poses for a naked Auror calendar and Draco goes batshit crazy with lust.

Fervor by @goldentruth813: Draco hates being woken up in the middle of the night. But he likes sex, and he loves Harry. So maybe it's not so bad after all.

Divination for Dickheads by @seefin: It doesn't actually turn out to be the worst birthday present he's ever been given.

Can I kiss you? by @rose-grangerweasleyisbae: Teddy had been over the moon when Harry had allowed Draco to tag along with the annual Weasley beach weekend when Andromeda couldn't come. Draco not so much. Would Teddy's cousin and godfather ever get along?

Shatterproof Plan by digthewriter: Teddy drags Draco to Australia for Christmas. Draco is down on himself for being forty and still single. They see Harry. Angst. Past relationship drama. Happy ending.

There’s No Espresso in Azkaban by @sassy-cissa: When Harry finds Draco working in a Starbucks, he finds coffee has suddenly become more interesting.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Cake Rota by @gingertodgers: Harry and Draco are drafted onto the office cake rota.

The Slickening: From Devil’s Snare to Penetratio Totalus by @aibidil, @bixgirl1, @carpemermaidtales, @femmequixotic, @noeeon, @shiftylinguini: Sometimes help comes from the place you least expect it.

Moon-Eyed by @l0vegl0wsinthedark: Draco Malfoy, Head of Veela Affairs at the Department of Magical Beings, does not do people favours. Harry Potter, recently turned werewolf, is not “people” – not to Draco anyway. Does Draco plan to fall in love with Harry when he decides to help him? No. Does he end up falling in love with him anyway? Pft, what do you think?

He Whose Hand and Eye Are Gentle by khalulu: Draco reads poems and sometimes writes them. Harry receives poems and sometimes reads them. Rutherford delivers poems via the scenic route. Wombat snores. Eventually, all comes together, with help from the foxes in red bibs and the sumo referee.

Shades of You by @bloodyflammable: Draco certainly never intended to be a style consultant for the seriously fashion challenged, but after the war and the reparations his family had to pay, it was clear he would need to earn a living. However, if having to earn a living meant he got to admire Potter’s arse and shoulders in well-fitted clothes, it wasn’t that bad. Or was it?

Group Chat by @jadepresley: A screenshot of a group chat conversation between Draco, Harry, Ron, Pansy, Hermione and Theo.

Like Cinderella, But With Cock by @l0vegl0wsinthedark: ”Oh, shit,” he groans, “This is like Cinderella, isn’t it?! Like Cinderella, but with cock. Cock instead of slippers.” Where Harry’s hexed so that he can’t lose his erection until he sleeps with his soulmate. If only those were easier to find.

November Third by @queenofthyme: November third. It should have been a day like any other. Except it never was. Not for Draco Malfoy. Every November 3rd, the universe seemed to grant Draco Malfoy a chance with Harry Potter. A chance for what exactly, it wasn’t always clear. But something more than their rivalry. Something more than the empty words they shouted at each other across the schoolyard. Something that grew into a little bit more something every year.

Howlr by @partialtopotter: Howlr is the new dating application enchanting Witches, Wizards and Everyone in between. Are you looking for the one or a one-night stand; it’s all here folks. Howlr is sponsored by Weasley Wizard Wheezes, the same team that brought us the Spellular just two years ago. Ginny Weasley, famed chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies, swears by the app, ‘guaranteed to make sparks fly,’ she says. The magic awaits you!

It’s Joggers Season (or so the Muggles say) by @carpemermaidtales: Everything about Draco’s life since May has been one bloody long exercise in subverting everything he’s known, that’s expected of him, in an effort to get as far away from the mistakes he’s made—the wrong choices he was forced into. He’s returned to Hogwarts to take his N.E.W.T.s and everything is different—namely, Harry Potter strutting around in clingy joggers that Draco can’t get off his mind.

Quietly, as Requested by @shiftylinguini: Harry was trying to pretend Draco’s warm thigh against his own didn’t make his heart thump and his cock start to fill out inside his usual lazy Sunday attire ― which consisted of a t-shirt with a hole in the armpit and the world’s oldest, rattiest, ugliest and most comfortable pair of joggers. In comparison, Draco was wearing a buttoned up shirt and a pair of crisp, black trousers, which made him both seem impressively attractive and also entirely overdressed for this kind of occasion. Harry lifted one knee, trying to shield the view of his slightly tenting joggers, and the state he was rapidly finding himself in. Perhaps inviting Draco to Sunday Bad Movie night at Ron’s wasn’t that smart an idea after all.

Tackson Pollock [ALIYTM oneshot] by saras_girl: It’s a wet Sunday afternoon. What are a beetle and a Gryffindor to do? 

Dance Magic, Dance by @jet-playin: Only one person can make this Halloween night worth Harry's ridiculous costume, and he's not here...

Christmas lights to melt your heart by phrynne: The light does not move. It does not flicker, does not fade. He has the strange feeling it’s waiting for him. Basically, what the tags say + Harry is romantic af + Draco is clueless.

The Romantic Prawn Who Loved Christmas by @bixgirl1: When Draco, forced into sharing a room with Potter for the year, finds out that Potter has a sleepwalking problem, he expects the odd conversations and the weird games of chess. What comes as a complete shock are Potter's other activities...And why he seems so intent on having Draco join him. (Relax. It's just like a holiday Hallmark movie! ...With, uhm, sleepwanking.)

[frazzledsoul]

3-5 episodes of GG that you are indifferent to but everyone else loves and top 3-5 episodes that you love that everybody else doesn't care that much about.

Episodes I am indifferent to (or hate) but everyone else loves

The Fundamental Things Apply - OK, Luke and Lorelai’s movie night is kind of cute, but seriously, Rory’s date goes on and on and on. And what is that stuff about denying that she has a sister? Rory’s attitude towards Gigi is so messed up. I bet she hasn’t even seen the kid since 2006. That’s another topic, though.

Take The Deviled Eggs - I’m still not sure if Sherry actually knew that Lorelai and Christopher had hooked up and was marking her territory on purpose or if she was a totally innocent bystander, but regardless of any of it, she was the one cheated on in this situation. And yes, baby showers are awful, but Lorelai’s immature behavior here really doesn’t fly with me. I just don’t buy that Lorelai was the martyr in that whole mess.

I Get A Sidekick Out Of You - OK, this is pretty much me hating where ASP was going with the storyline, but as cute as Lane’s wedding is, I hate that we have to see Lorelai tarnish Lane’s big day by having a massive meltdown and that Christopher saves the day. I hate that Luke has to be ripped down so that Christopher can be built up just because ASP wanted more time with her favorite. And as much as Luke deservedly gets ripped for his bad behavior in season 6, Lorelai contributed a lot to it by her silence and her passive-aggressive behavior. All of this is me hating the overall season 6 storyline more than the episode itself. But I don’t like it.

Friday Night’s Alright For Fighting - I don’t get it. When Lorelai has to remain packed in with the rest of the town to observe Luke with April in the diner, it’s not funny: it’s sad. When we see that small domestic scene with them where he explains he just wants some alone time with April first and Lorelai appears unhappy, it’s not cute: it’s sad. (Although TBH at that point in time his request was not that outrageous: it’s just when he hasn’t budged in months that it becomes a problem). The fighting is kind of funny, but seriously? This is the third highest rated episode on IMDB? Are y’all high?

I Can’t Get Started - OK, I know that Lorelai was vulnerable because Luke was barely speaking to her and Christopher does kind of give a lame justification for it by claiming his relationship was on the rocks, but seriously, Lorelai. That was dumb. That was really dumb. I don’t buy for a minute that she actually thought that Christopher was on a “break”, either. She knew he had a girlfriend and that he was still emotionally attached to her, and she lets herself get attached despite all of that (along with Rory and the elder Gilmores). This is why Christopher is so toxic for Lorelai: as long as he’s around, she’ll end up getting sucked into making terrible spur-of-the-moment decisions out of a desire to relive her youth because she never set up real boundaries where he’s concerned. And he’ll be gone the next day, while she has to pay the consequences.

Episode I love (or like more than most people) that no one else does

(y’all are really going to hate me for most of these)

Introducing Lorelai Planetarium - My overall attitude towards season 7 (which I did not let myself watch until very recently) is that the season 7 writers were handed a difficult situation and while they dealt with it imperfectly, much of what happened was not terribly surprising. I don’t like a lot of it, but I understand it. Lorelai marrying Christopher was (unfortunately) totally in character for her at that time: she chose getting married over Luke and Christopher asked, plus he does have a record of being involved in her making terrible choices. She wasn’t madly in love with him, but he was good enough because they wanted the same things.

Of course, once they actually get married, it becomes apparent immediately that it’s a terrible idea, and the writers start to have a little fun with it. It’s like they go WHOA! YOU THOUGHT THAT OTHER GUY WAS GONNA WIN? UM, DO YOU SEEEEE HIM IN THE MAIN CREDITS? HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT THE GUY WHO IS IN THERE IS A TOTAL DILF NOW? WHY DO YOU THINK WE MADE HIM SWOONWORTHY AGAIN? IT’S LOVE TRIANGLE TIME, PEOPLE!

So I get that people aren’t crazy about seeing Lorelai and Christopher in this uber-honeymoon period, it has been a week. We see the cracks already:she’s not totally comfortable with him making himself too at home there. Rory adroitly points out why this is a really, really dumb decision. Luke spends all episode in OverProtective Dad mode (and I actually liked this about him in season 7 cuz he’s adorable) and then he does what he never could do during their failed engagement: he asks Lorelai for help. When she shows up with the ring, Luke gets this look of utter devastation on his face because it all comes crashing down for him. I think until that point he was living in this safe little bubble where he could just focus on April and the diner and Liz and convince himself that it was enough, that he didn’t need more. When Lorelai shows up, he’s actually happy to see her: he’d forgiven her by that point and was probably ready to start talking again. It isn’t until he sees the ring that he’s forced to comes to terms with what he’s lost. Then he has a total Lorelai pop culture moment with The Philadelphia Story and after allowing himself that small moment, can go back to taking care of April.

I just feel at this point instead of milking the drama for maximum amounts of misery for so long, the show can take those moments and not make them devastating. It’s not a classic episode by any means, but I actually enjoyed the drama there instead of being upset about it.

Merry Fisticuffs - OK, the writers are really having fun with the triangle by this point. I mean, Luke and Lorelai cuddling with that baby in front of Christopher? Come on. It’s game over, baby. And then they get into a fistfight? Hawt. I love it when I get to literally root for my team. (OTOH, we are subjected to a shirtless Chris scene, but I will forgive this because of the other two things I just mentioned).

Will You Be My Lorelai Gilmore - I go back and forth about whether this or Hay Bale Maze is my favorite season 7 episode. I love the townie interaction in this episode and I love that Lorelai can come through for Lane and her mom like this and be focused on something other than her chaotic love life. I love the bond between Rory and Lane in this episode and I feel kind of sad that Rory didn’t really develop that bond with Lane’s boys that they planned on. I love the L/L scene at the end here: it’s often brought up in fanfics as being something really hurtful to Lorelai because Luke is able to change some of his habits because of April but not for her, but I don’t think it’s that devastating. I think it’s more about appreciating the bond he had with Rory and Lane and recognizing that maybe things can be better now than what they were before.

A Tale Of Poes and Fire - Yes, this is the episode where Lorelai reveals her pregnancy dream to Luke, and that’s a moment sighed over by the shippers. But I actually love it overall, because nothing makes me happier than cranky, dueling Edgar Allen Poe impersonators.

But Not As Cute As Pushkin - I actually missed this when I was originally viewing the season and while it’s definitely not a happy-go-lucky L/L episode, we do see some tender moments between them and we see that Lorelai really does understand Luke and tries to comfort him in her way and that Luke really does get that, even when there’s conflict between them. Also, there are some cute Rory/Logan moments as well.

[braindamageforbeginners]

I Am the Kraken

Enormous, powerful; glow-in-the-dark; multi-armed, covered in slime, I wait upon the abyssal plains. With my venomous beak.

Okay, so that’s a little surreal and dramatic, but, come on, folks; I mentioned giant squid in the last dispatch. Everyone who knows me - even if only through vague rumors - would have seen that and said, “He’s gonna write about squid, now.” Sadly, I am nothing if not depressingly predictable. For those of you who read for specific aspects/bits/whatever of my writing, this is going to be more of a philosophical/stupid piece rather than a recounting of recent events or travels; however, I will try to include some usable information for anyone with cancer (as well as lots of useless information - you take the good with the bad), and I will include my standard self-assessment/update near the end. And, I think I have a way to put a kind of positive bent on it. All it took to bring out my inner optimist was to write about a legendary, terrifying monster from the darkest pits of hell. Who ever would have guessed?

First off; the actual inspiration for this one wasn’t the actual Architeuthis it was China Mieville’s fictional chess game in his book, “Kraken” - specifically, the piece that can move without moving. I suspect that Mr. Mieville was alluding to the fact that giant squid are ambush predators - they don’t really chase down or attack prey, they just sit motionless until something tasty comes near, and they pounce.

Which is just a roundabout way of saying that impressive, break-neck effort, speed, and combat - while all impressive and dashing - are just as effective, long-term, as patience and the odd burst of cunning. Also, having barbed suckers is considered helpful in such cases, but I digress.

Anyway, the ability to sit still for ten minutes is absolutely critical for assessing and recovering from brain damage. Assessing brain damage is already nigh-impossible because there are so many factors constantly at work in a brain that it makes it hard to notice these things, let alone figure out the source. Yeah, my memory’s been somewhat twitchy as of late, but I’m also not sleeping well, getting pumped full of really weird substances, and so on. If you’re going to be a successful neurology patient, you’re going to have to frequently stop and take stock of what’s new and not (this isn’t even a particularly insightful bit; I’ve seen PSAs about diagnosing early signs of strokes about this). And, neurotypical people, please stop screwing around with stuff just because you’re bored. I’ve had it with finally figuring out if i have some new symptom or problem, and I can’t replicate it because some idiot reorganized the place or invented something that solved the problem I had to use to demonstrate a neurocognitive flaw (true story; after surgery #2, I consistently skipped the number “4″ whenever calculating or counting things - not “14,” not “24;” it drove me nuts for a few months until I figured it out.

And that seems like pretty simple, basic, non-controversial, mansplaining - that you have to pause frequently to assess a dynamic situation in which you are but one of many contributing variables - but it’s surprisingly hard to put into practice. Humans prize effort and control; we almost fetishize it. We must always be moving and in charge of our own destiny. To hell with that. For years - decades - I was that guy who went after goals - and they pretty consistently exploded in my face. Or rather, I got horribly derailed and/or sideswiped by neurological disease and its aftereffects. My life would look radically different - I can’t say for good or bad - if, after Brain Tumor #1, I’d just hit the breaks on everything and maybe done some serious reassessment and made recovery (or just future prevention) a much greater part of my life. Instead, I just careened about like Wile E. Coyote from explosion to crushing to fall. So, now, I’m a little hesitant to pick up the Acme catalog. I realize my diseases aren’t some sort of product or result of me being ambitious and goal-oriented; but I will say that my brain is, in this metaphor, the unreliable stick of dynamite. Any plans that require it doing the right thing at the right time should be viewed with suspicion.

Well, not for me, not anymore. I am disgusted to reveal the new life-plan; the kraken path. I’m not going to do a damned thing - goal-wise, in any meaningful way - until I absolutely run out of my fat stores and have to go looking. And, even then, I’m going to try to avoid going in straight-lines; that sort of thing has caused me nothing but trouble in the past. And, y’know, if something tasty comes near, I’ll definitely snag that, but I’ll leave the whole “pursue your prey” thing to wolves and other, more charismatic critters. Now, I will accept full responsibility that this is a terrible, awful life plan - I will attach myself to a more promising one the moment I see it. This is not a good idea. This is not something I would recommend friends or loved ones try. However, it’s worth noting that one of the early things that drew me to the Warlocks and Mad Scientist were that all of them said - basically - that conventional treatments had failed, so, fuck it, go right to black magic and crazy experimental stuff. The Way of the Kraken is not about actively seeking rewards, it is in recognizing a near-hopeless situation, and staying alive until further opportunities present themselves. Yeah, it sucks, but it beats dying. It also beats me doing something irreversibly destructive or stupid in the meantime because I haven’t figured out that I developed a weird kleptomania exclusively for silver cars (oh, you laugh, but you would be positively amazed at what brain damage can do).

The other point that’s worth discussing here - the Kraken Way pay-off, as it were - is that I am realizing just how much you get just for showing up. It’s all very well and good to discuss fulfillment and joy and all that - and I’m not against it; but the unstated assumption in Maslow’s Hierarchy is that you’re alive. We all celebrate Tenzing Norgay and his sidekick, Hillary (yes, that is the correct order; not only did Norgay do more stuff; the dude could rock a pencil-thin mustache)(the very hardest of facial hair to pull off)(but I digress). We don’t pay much attention to the 300-odd folks who have died on Everest. You will get stuff, people will give you credit, favors will be given and/or granted, and things happen - amazing things (although also bad things), if you show up. The crucial clause though, is “if you show up.” Again, I’m certain that Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Elon Musk did a lot more than just show up, but that is the critical first step. The Way of the Kraken teaches us that, like the mighty Kraken, the most important part of catching fish is being alive and able to recognize fish (also, it’s important that you know which tentacle is which, an issue that, at present, isn’t always 100% obvious with me).

Another important concept for the Kraken Way, is not to fear or avoid the darkness and crushing depths. Light and airiness are more enjoyable, certainly, but squid don’t really do well in bathtubs in Key West. I’ve strayed off-topic, because I like the thought of bathtub squid, also, the bactrim makes me really dislike the sun, but, the point to all patients is this. You’re going to get lots of information very quickly that you’re going to have to digest and use very quickly (another factor working in my favor is that I do have a graduate level of knowledge about my own disease)(that might also count for nothing, we’ll see). You need to learn not to filter out any information. In fact, if you ever feel like you have enough information to make a confident decision; you should go back and double-check everything, there’s a possibility you missed something critical. My life-long philosophy - and this may or may not pay off, again, we’re placing that bet right now - is that there is no such thing as “useless” or “excess” information, there’s just “information that’s helpful now” and “information that may be helpful later.” I’ve relived several conversations with family members where they discounted or entirely disregarded information because it wasn’t convenient. I’ve done the same thing; have multiple systems to make sure that you have every possible detail or statistic available. That’s been important to me, so far. It’s not comforting or pleasant, but it has made a difference. And ask questions if you are confused; again, this seems obvious, but just do it.

I’d also like to admit why I do this whole, stupid, type-away-at-your-laptop describing obscure cancer patient problems at odd hours (apart from the fact that I don’t really do much sleeping these ways, even with the Jim Morrison-level of things I’m prescribed). I’ve mentioned these concepts before, but I’m tired, and I can’t think of another way to lead into this evening’s send-off (and you want to be here for that one, trust me). First off, I do this mostly for me. If you get seriously sick, I’d advise you to get some sort of outlet, or else you’re likely to go mad, kill the neighbors, and flee into the night. Seeing it all in print - to me - doesn’t make sense of the whole thing, but it does give me something approaching perspective. Secondly, if I don’t write this faithfully, it either becomes the basis for several recurring nightmares for me,or it just vanishes into the ether; and that - that I absolutely will not tolerate. Like, literally over my dead body. There’s just too much raw data, stories, information, and junk for someone else not to figure out a better use for it than me. A social services worker in San Francisco actually did tell me, point blank, “You have to keep notes, or a diary, or a blog of what’s happening to you; we have to have some kind of record.” The final reason I try to keep good notes and take careful note of things that work (or don’t) is so that the next poor bastard in line will not only benefit, but he’ll feel that much better in telling his story, too. That’s important. Never forget that. We are a species of story-tellers, and, while statistics and science are important to inform our decisions and advance medicine and technology, that’s rarely what we remember. That’s not what changes a society. But, what does the trick is, if enough silenced and frightened people (there may be some debate as to whether chronic illness patients count, but, screw it, I’m being charged a lot of money every month just for the privilege of being coherent and/or among the living, and I still have to use that fucking walker from time to time) get together and shout together; they can’t ignore us all forever. We’ll get there, eventually. We’ll all get access to safe, effective hospitals and disease treatment and prevention. And, the minority-superpower awarded to sick people is a good one - if we can just live long enough, our oppressors actually will become us, if they live long enough. It’s hard to defund children’s hospitals if your kid just got a new liver last week. And it’s hard to slash cancer research funding if you know your doctor just found some new polyps. It’ll take a while - a lot of us are going to die in the process, But I feel we’ll get there - a society where access to medical aid is automatically determined by need instead of wealth or who you know.

And now, the final, maudlin conclusion; Gene Roddenberry was right. We’re going to be okay, as a species. We are going to traverse the vastness of space. We’re going to do unbelievable things.

Here’s the thing; when contemplating my inner kraken and the value in merely existing; I realized that I have done - and survived - shit I could not have even imagined a year ago, let alone bet that I’d figure out. And I’ll admit it; I’ve gotten seriously lucky numerous times - perhaps far more than I’m comfortable admitting - but I’ve still somehow managed to do things I never even would have thought myself capable of. Admittedly, it’s an utterly wretched, awful way to learn this sort of thing, and I am still terrified and miserable and have no clue how this will all play out, but, at the same time, mere survival at this point in the game is kind of an impressive achievement unto itself. Now, I’ve always disliked that sort of hippie thinking about human potential and wishful thinking, but I now have a little anecdotal evidence. I’d consider myself a more-or-less standard factory model human (well, with the caveat that the engine tends to explode without warning) - the point in all of this is that I don’t consider myself especially special, which is important, because, dear reader - if I am capable of being surprised at my own untapped potential, you, no matter who you are, have vast depths within you that you can not even begin to imagine. You are - under the right conditions - capable of unbelievable, amazing, frightening things that would shock you and impress Isaac Asimov. We all are. The dark, kraken-y corollary would be that, it might take an awful set of nightmare conditions for us to successfully tap that well, but we’ll do it. All of us can do it.

ANYWAY… WEIGHT: 227 lb CONCENTRATION: Pretty good. I’m still completing the full set of tasks and challenges required to navigate the medical-industrial complex. MEMORY: Great, at the moment. I can recall a dream I had last night, most of my first-grade class, and most of the people involved in keeping me alive.. APPETITE: Excellent. ACTIVITY LEVEL: Good at the moment. I’ll go to the gym in an hour or two, but I’ve made angry phone calls to nitwits in redundant billing departments, consulted with Research Coordinator about upcoming scheduling stuff and medical information updates, etc. SLEEP QUALITY: Gods (or Kraken), I wish I slept half as well every night as I did last night. Admittedly, I didn’t sleep for very long, but the six-seven hours I got were deep and dream-filled. COORDINATION/DEXTERITY: Excellent, at the moment, Obviously, I’m not doing anything that requires too much careful coordination, but I safely sliced some avocado and fried an egg earlier. And I’m getting up and down stairs without any noticeable problems. PHYSICAL: I still have the nasty, constantly-hung-over sensation I seem to have all the time, these days (as happens when you’re getting microwaved on a regular basis). And the suture-headaches were getting worse, so Radiation Oncologist slightly upped my steroid dose (Research Coordinator still says I’m on baby aspirin levels, compared to other patients in the program). And, even though I still have a bit of a headache, it’s only noticeable when I’m really focusing on it (I’m also still on regular, high doses of Tylenol). I’m probably feeling slightly better than I was at this same time, yesterday, if I’m being honest. SIDE EFFECTS: My step-mom thinks there’s a little hair-growth in previously-denuded areas, so  uh, hooray for that, I guess. I still feel like hell, but there aren’t any specific or debilitating effects, and I’m still upright and coherent (sort of). Sometimes that’s the best you can ask for.