#maybe. i will write something in this universe of them discussing their body image issues sometime. or maybe one for each. maybe

[sugarskies]

spooning (john's version)

summary: bob sneaks into john's room for cuddles. word count: 962 notes: yes, this is also part of the diversionverse aka a loosely connected series of one-shots that can be read in any order.

He didn’t understand it the first time.

Bob sneaked into his room half past midnight, wearing boxers and an oversized Avengerz t-shirt Alexei gave to him. It wasn’t the first time he’d come in without warning. The difference was that he usually cut right to the chase. He’d pull off his shirt, climb on top of John, and kiss him like it was the last time.

They never talked about feelings. It wasn’t supposed to be about that. They were just using each other, just friends who occasionally fucked to distract each other from self-destructive temptations. So, yes, John was confused when Bob crawled into his bed, wrapped his arms around John’s stomach, and buried his face in his chest without a word.

John held him for a full minute before his confusion took over his mouth and he inelegantly asked if Bob wanted to be fucked. Bob said no and nuzzled deeper into his arms. Neither of them spoke another word for the rest of the night. When John woke up the next morning alone, he felt like something was missing. He worried it was a once in a lifetime event, that he’d never hold Bob like that again.

(And he shouldn’t have cared, because it really wasn’t about feelings. He didn’t have feelings for Bob. Bob was just a really good friend. Yeah, John had been inside him, but it wasn’t like that. They were just fucking. Like when guys in the Army would masturbate together to let off steam.)

Except it wasn’t the last time. It took a few days but then Bob came back again. And again. And then when he didn’t come in for cuddles for a week, John mustered up the courage to go to his room. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it, after all. Technically, John had started the whole cuddling thing—albeit unintentionally.

He’d gone into Bob’s room with the intention of asking for a quickie, something he’d done a handful of times before. But when he saw Bob with his perfectly messy hair and his big, cozy sweatshirt, something came over him. He laid down beside Bob, wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him in close to his stomach. And fuck if it wasn’t the best sleep he’d had in years.

They kept doing it after that. Both of them. It wasn’t every night, but it went from some nights to most nights over the course of a month. Either John would crawl into Bob’s bed and spoon him, or Bob would crawl into John’s bed and tuck himself into his arms. That night, it was the latter; Bob nuzzled his face into the crook of John’s bare shoulder, the tips of his fingers digging into his back.

“Are you all right?” asked John, still clinging to the idea that maybe Bob was only in there for comfort. That maybe he was still using him but in a different way. Bob nodded, inhaled deeply as he slid his left leg between John’s. “Just insomnia?”

“No, no reason,” Bob mumbled. He kissed John’s neck, left his lips against his skin for far longer than he needed to. “I like listening to your heartbeat.”

And then John did what he never did, and he kissed the top of Bob’s head while he was still awake. John always kissed Bob before he fell asleep, regardless of whose bed they were in, but he waited until Bob was out first. That night felt different, somehow; like Bob gave him permission through his gentle touch.

It was confusing, the way he felt so comfortable with his arms around Bob. Sometimes he disliked his body. Disliked the way he thought he’d let himself go since the divorce, since everything that happened before that. But the way Bob fit so perfectly against his belly, beneath his arms, made him feel like everything about him was just right.

He wanted to ask if Bob felt the same way. If he felt relief from his dysmorphia when he laid with John, when they curled their bodies around each other. He almost did, but then he reminded himself that they didn’t talk about feelings. They didn’t have feelings for each other. They couldn’t have feelings for each other.

They were just fucking. And kissing. And cuddling. Not because it was romantic but because they were both touch-starved and desperate and found out mostly by accident that their sex was really good. It was good because it wasn’t emotional. It didn’t have anything attached to it. If Bob woke up the next morning and told John he never wanted to do any of it again, he wouldn’t care at all.

(But he would. He would care a lot. It might even break his heart; the same heart Bob was listening to. So, he kissed the top of Bob’s head one more time and pulled him in closer to make sure he knew that John really liked it when they cuddled. Even if he didn’t let himself think about why he liked it when they cuddled.)

“So, you just came in here because…?”

Bob didn’t answer with his words. He moved his left hand to John’s neck, held him just beneath his ear as he turned his lips into the spot between his neck and his shoulder. Bob kissed him once, then just lingered, his mouth slightly open, and his breath warm and ticklish. His eyes drifted shut as he slid back down, kissed John’s collarbone and his right pec before he snuggled back into place.

That was all it took for John to decide that it didn’t matter. He didn’t care why Bob was in his bed or why they held each other so tightly. He only cared that they did.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Naomi Epps Best

Published: Jun 6, 2025

To become a therapist, I’m expected to watch bondage videos and submit a ‘sexual autobiography.’

Santa Clara, Calif.

I’m a graduate student in marriage and family therapy at Santa Clara University, a Jesuit institution. Recently, I walked out of class. Prof. Chongzheng Wei had just played a video of a female “influencer” engaging in sexual bondage activity. When the lights came up, the professor smiled and asked if we wanted to try it ourselves. Maybe it was a crass joke to break the tension, but I didn’t want to find out if a live demonstration was next.

What began as a simple accommodation request in a required course called Human Sexuality turned into a case study in the reshaping of therapy training—not by science but by critical theory, a worldview that filters human experience through left-wing assumptions about power, oppression and identity, particularly regarding race, “gender” and sexuality.

The first time I enrolled in the course, students were assigned to read sadomasochistic erotica and a book called “The Guide to Getting It On,” featuring sexually explicit illustrations. We were told to write an eight- to 10-page “comprehensive sexual autobiography,” which could include early sexual memories, masturbation, current experiences, and future goals with an action plan—all uploaded to a third-party platform for grading. The syllabus allowed that students “are not required to disclose anything that causes extreme discomfort,” but that disclaimer rang hollow attached to an assignment requiring us to discuss such personal matters.

On ethical and religious grounds, I requested an alternative assignment. Cary Watson, the department chairman, denied my request, suggesting I change my plans and pursue a different type of license. In an email, she described the course as “an ‘inoculation’ of sorts . . . exposing you to content you *might* come across” as a licensed therapist. She told me that if I did encounter such things in a professional setting, I could “assuredly communicate that discomfort” to clients and decline to work with them. So why did it have to be part of my training?

I appealed to the dean, the provost, the Title IX office, the university president and even Campus Ministry. I’m not sure who was more shocked, the priest reading the syllabus or me, screen-sharing sexually explicit videos and images with him.

The course is a graduation requirement, so I re-enrolled with Mr. Wei, who is new to the school. I requested the same accommodation that Ms. Watson said “Muslim women students” had received: to complete the course remotely. Mr. Wei instead scheduled a Zoom meeting with me. He promised a professional tone and said sexual disclosure wouldn’t be required.

But in the classroom, among other things, he showed a how-to bondage video featuring a submissive wearing a “gimp suit” (a full-body garment designed to restrict movement) and played songs like “WAP” and “I Beat My Meat”—racial slurs included. A guest speaker, a male transgender psychologist, told us “only trans women have p—s that can blow up the world” and described being sexually aroused while looking in the mirror. One exercise included anonymously writing down something we disliked about our genitals or breasts, to be read aloud in class by another student.

I again requested to complete the course remotely. I was told no—I could drop the course or be dropped. Ms. Watson granted a “one-time exception”: take the W (for withdrawal, not win), pay out of pocket for a continuing-education course to fulfill licensure requirements, and enroll in an extra three units at Santa Clara to be eligible to graduate. When I asked for a tuition refund, she called my request “astonishing.” My objections weren’t treated as signs of a systemic issue but as a personal grievance to be managed quietly. (Ms. Watson didn’t respond to a request for comment from my editor at the Journal. Mr. Wei referred the editor’s inquiry to a university spokeswoman, who offered no comment on the record.)

When I went public anonymously on Substack, I realized I had stumbled onto something larger. The entire field of educating therapy has been hollowed out and filled in with critical theory. Therapists are no longer trained to be neutral; they’re trained to be agents of political change. Concepts like modesty and marital privacy aren’t merely treated as optional or even dismissed. They’re seen as oppressive norms to be actively combated.

In Multicultural Counseling, we were told that “objective, rational, linear thinking,” “delayed gratification,” and making a “plan for the future” are traits of “white culture.” I was required to preface mock therapy sessions by “naming my whiteness” and warning that I might misread clients because of my race. In Human Sexuality, we were taught that children with six months of “gender distress” should be “affirmed” in their belief that they are of the opposite sex—without deeper assessment, even when trauma or autism was present.

These ideas are being promoted by the field’s top bodies. The American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association and Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs have adopted standards grounded in critical theory.

Therapists influence decisions about “gender transition,” family custody, school discipline and even criminal sentencing. When clinicians are trained to see everything through an ideological lens, rather than with ethical neutrality, the consequences extend far beyond the therapy room.

I’m 26, newly married, mother of a 1-year-old girl and a few credits from graduating. I pursued every institutional channel available. I even sought short-term therapy through campus mental-health services, which I was denied. A staff psychologist told me that my department has a history of demanding intimate self-disclosure from students—a practice he regards as unethical.

Speaking up comes with risk. But in a field where dissent is discouraged and students are coerced, I’ve chosen to say: No more.

==

Considering what happened to James Esses, Leslie Elliott, Amy Gallagher and many others, there's no reason to doubt the veracity of this report.

Like teaching and HR, activists see therapists agents of societal transformation, not merely neutral guides to resolving personal issues.

[amagicdoctor]

In continuation of the post I made about Stephen’s experience with gender and body image, I wanted to write a short analysis on the image below.

This is a screenshot of a panel from Avengers (2018) #21 where the Avengers are relaxing in a hot tub together after work.

Now I’m going to try my best not to be a Robbie Reyes fan right now and talk about how disgusting this overall scene was. But it is important to talk about the discussion of body image that is being presented here.

As we know, the Marvel universe is made up of a bunch of hyper masculine superheroes (ignoring the fact that superhero artists draw like that on purpose). Since we’re talking about the Avengers specifically, their group is made up of mostly aliens (Capt. Marvel, Thor) and humans who’ve bodies have been altered by the awesome power of science (Hulk, Capt. America, Iron Man).

Regarding this description of the team, it’s important to look at this from Dr. Strange’s point of view: when he became an Avenger, he was a few months, maybe even about a year after being homeless and losing his former life. Post-crash, he was an alcoholic, and was heavily medicated. The use of these drugs made him lose a LOT of weight. We know this because I wrote about it in his backstory that he came to Kamar-Taj with a very thin frame. Because he is a sorcerer and mystic fitness is more of his speciality than physical fitness, Dr. Strange did not work on building fat and muscle.

Because of this, Dr. Strange grew a very toxic hatred of his own body. He didn’t feel as though he was the perfect man because his physique wasn’t “manly” enough. This view of his body often clashed with his gender dysphoria.

Taking this into account, when he finally entered the Avengers team, he was horrified when comparing himself to the other members. Dr. Strange might have been with the Avengers, but he was not like them at all. These guys had money, so they always had access to healthy food. They also kept themselves on a good workout regime. Dr. Strange saw that these guys had the ideal “superhero” body. And it wasn’t that he envied or hated them for it, he was just disappointed in his own self that he could never have a body like that again because of his medical and mental conditions.

If we look back at the image above, I’ll be nice and say that that Iron Man was simply teasing Robbie about having a shirt on in a pool. I feel as if it had been Dr. Strange, he would also wear a shirt. Dr. Strange’s body dysmorphia can get so bad sometimes that he doesn’t even like seeing himself in the mirror. If he’s in public with a group like this, he would probably be uncomfortable having parts of his body naked. Even if people here are family, friends, or lovers, he would hate to have himself be exposed in this way.

This is why Robbie’s line “you dudes work out a lot more than I do” really connects with Dr. Strange’s condition. He doesn’t work out. He can, but eating enough to build fat, then muscle, is something his body can’t do anymore. His body has been damaged by the magic he’s used in the past, and that’s just one of the many effects magic has had on him. Actually, Dr. Strange’s own physical strength fluctuates a lot too. He can use magic to lift heavy things of course, but on his own, he can’t even move a simple wooden chair.

Dr. Strange had a very hard time as an Avenger, and his body image issues were just part of the problem. I could argue that these issues still haunt him today, but he’s still in the process of healing.

[citylightsbooks]

5 Questions with Chet'la Sebree, Author of Field Study

Chet'la Sebree is the director of the Stadler Center for Poetry and Literary Arts at Bucknell University and the author of Mistress, winner of the 2018 New Issues Poetry Prize and nominated for a 2020 NAACP Image Award. Her poetry has appeared in the Kenyon Review, Guernica, Pleiades, and elsewhere.

Chet'la will be in conversation with Dantiel W. Moniz, discussing her new book Field Study (published by FSG) in our City Lights LIVE! discussion series on June 5th!

******

Where are you writing to us from?

From my birth month of May.

From the left side of a rented duplex in central PA.

From the third floor in a patterned, blue-velvet armchair across from my teal-painted desk.

And, because I didn’t finish this all at once, from the first floor enjoying the afternoon sun.

What’s kept you sane during the pandemic?

I want to be the kind of person who says exercise. I certainly spent some time on my mat and pounding the pavement, but it has really been food, wine, and fellowship that have held me together. These have always been the things that kept me sane. In grad school, I loved having people over for potluck dinners. But this sort of fellowship surrounding food took on new meaning in the pandemic. It wasn’t just that I learned how to make gluten-free pasta from scratch or placed orders for specialty wine shipments, but it was the sturdy calendar of happy hours and dinner dates kept me going. I did everything from virtual wine tastings to learning how to make injera with poet Diana Khoi Nguyen with home-ground teff to have boozy brunches and movie nights with friends from high school and college.

Right before the pandemic, I transitioned into a new job as a tenure-track professor and director of a university literary arts center and was traveling for my first book, Mistress, which meant sometimes I was in two different cities in one week, while also teaching classes and hosting events. This meant that I spent little time with my friends. Moving around less meant that I could not only reconnect but deepen relationships. Nearly every week since the beginning of the pandemic, I’ve been meeting with prose writers Dantiel W. Moniz and María Isabel Álvarez—both of whom I’d met at a writing residency in 2017. Our first Zoom was an attempt to heal the wound of not seeing each other at a March 2020 conference. What started as a conversation, led to salons, led to work sessions, led to us planning for our own future residencies. We’ve cried; we’ve rooted each other on; we’ve held each other accountable. They kept me going through the last rounds of writing and editing Field Study, and I can’t wait to talk to Dantiel about it on June 5th!

What books are you reading right now? Which books do you return to?

Right now, I’m primarily reading emails and my students’ final portfolios, but I’m so excited for the pleasure reading this summer will bring. When I can sneak a moment, though, I am toggling between three books: Felicia Zamora’s newest collection I Always Carry My Bones; Nana Nkweti’s brand neew Walking on Cowrie Shells; and Philip Pullman’s The Subtle Knife. That last one is a reread; I first read the His Dark Materials series in high school. I often return to books I read in those pre-college years—fantasy and sci-fi novels like Ender’s Game but also Toni Morison’s The Bluest Eye, Jean Rhys’s Wide Sargasso Sea, and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby. I like thinking about who I’ve become since first reading them.

The book I would say I return to the most, however, is probably Audre Lorde’s Sister Outsider, or maybe even just specific essays in it: “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,” “The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism,” and “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House.”

Which writers, artists, and others influence your work in general, and this book, specifically?

I’m such a sponge, which is part of what made writing Field Study so fun. The patchwork style of quotes interwoven with my own language gave me a space to name names of those that influenced me. It gave me the chance to be in conversation with literary legends and thinkers like Audre Lorde, bell hooks, Tressie McMillan Cottom, and Maya Angelou, while also calling on my brother, best friend, and cousin for insight.

I’m inspired by visual artists like Georgia O’Keefe, Nekisha Durrett, Alison Saar, Carrie Mae Weems, Stephanie J. Williams, and Deborah Willis, but I’m also inspired by theatre, films, dance, television. Who knows what Field Study would be if it weren’t for the TV adaptation of Sally Rooney’s Normal People that came out in April 2020. I am an early-to-bed person, but I finished watching the series at around 11:45pm, got out of bed, and worked on Field Study until 7am. Then, I slept for four hours, got up, and worked for the rest of the day. In watching that well-orchestrated chaos and intimacy, I was taken back to my early twenties, on which Field Study is loosely based. That’s how I work—something gets me in my guts, as poet E.G. Asher would say, and I find my way into the work. It could be a good show, Max Richter’s recomposed Vivaldi, or a nice food and wine paring that gets me going.

I also wrote to an erratic playlist that’s also representative of the diversity of conversations in Field Study. The music included everything from Foo Fighters and Paramore to Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill to Henryk Górecki and Sol Rising.

If you opened a bookstore, where would it be located, what would it be called, and what would your bestseller be?

My bookstore, URGE, would double as an integrative wellness center with a mind / body / spirit focus. We’re talking incenses and essential oils along with your book of the month picks. There’d be two locations: one on Whidbey Island, where I finished my first book Mistress, and laid the groundwork for Field Study; and the other in DC, which still calls to me even though I moved from the city seven years ago.

My bestsellers would be a tie between anything Audre Lorde (probably not surprising) and anything Bob’s Burgers-related, since my inner circle would know I got the name of the bookstore from the show’s Season 11’s Valentine’s episode: “Romancing the Beef.”

[d0llhousess]

unexpected sight

⇢ pairing: Momoharu Hanazono x f!reader

⇢ requested?: yes

Anon Requested: Hope ur havin a great day.but um i was wondering if i can request momoharu peeping on the manger of the girls basketball team on accident.And whenever he see her all he thinks of is her in her bra and panties.Then he just snaps at her telling her to leave him alone but at the end he apologized.Also reader is a first yr and Madoka sister. But he never tell her that what he did. I feel like this is weird if it is just ignore it. This is also my first time requesting something.

⇢ warnings/tags?: strong language, light nudity, light angst, slightly nsfw?

⇢ word count: approx. 2.2k

⇢ summary: Momoharu doesn’t make it a habit to peek in on others, yet somehow the one instance where his eyes land itself on an unknown peep hole, he is met with the bare vision of a friend, you. Now he doesn’t know how to even be in the same area as you. 

⇢ a/n: listen, this gave me so many issues, and was a struggle to write because I’m so not comfortable writing Momoharu yet. I hope this is what you hoped for, Anon, and despite the issues, I did have a fun time writing it! I really do hope you enjoy and thank you for reading! Also I am so sorry for the wait!!

⤆ Back to the Masterlist                     ~                crossposted on ao3  ⤇

Momoharu has shit luck. 

Well, He believes he has shit luck, and with the way his life constantly plays out, why wouldn’t he? 

It just seems like with each complete turn the Earth makes, his luck just gets shitter and shitter, and today appeared to be the shittiest. Teachers seemed to be getting even more annoying, and his classmates were grating. 

Hell, by the time he made it to the boy’s locker room, a steady headache was surely starting to pound away at his last bit of patience. So, who could blame him for not thinking straight? 

He didn’t put the hole in the wall. 

Shit, he forgot that it was there, and that unfortunate failure of his brain caused him to place his eye right over the hole because, hey, what’s the worst that he could see?

Apparently the universe decided to, bless,curse him with the sight of a smooth, bare skin of a young woman’s stomach.

Of course, the hole was a clear gateway to the girls’ locker room. 

He should’ve reared back, snapped his eyes away from the small eye-sized hole and forget the smooth display of skin he’d just witnessed. Yet, he didn’t. He was frozen. Eyes non-blinking  as he watched the young woman tug a baggy gym shirt over her out of sight head, and then drop her regulated uniform skirt, exposing thighs that he was fucking sure would be soft to touch. 

With a bated breath, he watched as the girl stepped father away from the  unknown peak hole, her face slowly coming into his view and suddenly it felt as if someone sucker punched him right in the gut--because holy fuck that girl was you. 

You, the manager of the girls’ basketball team. 

You, the person that was the first to volunteer and help Nano out, even though he was sure you already had your hands tied with the girls’ team. 

You, a girl who somehow was a daily fixture of the boys team despite not formally being involved with any of them and who was also a year his junior. 

Momoharu damn near stopped breathing. 

His body finally reacted, eyes breaking away from the sight of you slightly  bending over to tug your gym shorts over your smooth, naked thighs as he retreated to the other side of the boys’ locker room, far from the offending peep hole. 

His heart was racing faster than it ever had during practice. Fuck, he was going to have to face you in just a few short minutes. How was he supposed to look you in the eye knowing he’d just seen you in an intimate, private moment.  Shit, how was he supposed to look at you without imaging your damn near perfect breast, and smooth thighs that his hands were practically shaking to grasp.

Plus, it wasn’t as if you weren’t attractive to him before. 

Hell, he had to hear from his brother damn near 24/7 about how they somehow managed not to get one cute girl to help out with the team, but two--and he somewhat agreed. You had sweet almost doll-like features, an insanely helpful and caring personality and apparently a damn near sinful body to match.

Momoharu let out a deep, heavy sigh. His eyes shutting for a brief moment before immediately blinking back open because all he could see in the forefront of his mind was you. Inhaling slowly, he turned to his locker and began to slowly prepare for practice, ignoring his teammates and friends‘ loud chatter as they slowly filled the club room. 

Once he was in the gym, he tried to ignore your light voice as you spoke to the girls on the other side of the gym. He tried to not let his gaze wander to your place on the sidelines as you timed the girl’s wind sprints. He definitely did not allow his mind to wander, his gaze to linger. 

One could even say he was flat out ignoring your existence. 

Even once the girls were done with their practice and you migrated to the boys half of the court, eagerly speaking to your sister and Nano, he did not acknowledge you. Instead he kept his focus on the task at hand and frankly, it didn’t seem like you noticed anything abnormal. 

Well, until you began to hand out water to each of the boys towards the final minutes of their practice.  

You approached Momoharu with a soft smile on your face as you offered the cold beverage to him, and the moment his eyes met yours, he almost choked on his spit. Simply because his brain was a fucking traitor and decided to flash that alluring scene from the locker room, the scene he was not supposed to be a witness to. 

Rather than accepting the cold beverage with his usual placid expression and small talk, he practically snatched the bottle from your hand and stalked out of the gym. He didn’t see the mixture of confusion and hurt on your face. No, he was too occupied with fleeting images of your body in a state of undress. 

He could feel a sense of guilt begin to make its way onto his traitorous mind. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking of you in this manner, to be allowing his mind to sullying the image of you with lewd thoughts about a moment you, yourself wasn’t even aware of. 

It was dirty, and a bit despicable. Well, at least to him it was. 

Yet he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even after he’d gotten home, and attempted to close his eyes to rest, images of your curves fluttered to the forefront of his mind. His dreams were plagued with your soft, playful voice, beckoning him to run his hands over each curve and contour of your body. Fuck, his morning routine was even cursed with images of you bending over once you’d dropped that damned skirt. 

There was no way he could face you, not when his brain seemed set on imaging every scenario that involved you in a state of undress. 

So, he began to avoid you. 

It was a simple enough task. The pair of you were in two different years so it wasn’t as if you shared classes. Plus, you were busy with the girls’ team so it wasn’t like you were actively seeking him out often.  The only problem was when you helped Nano out. Then he had to brush away any interaction with you. 

If Nano asked him to take something to you, he’d ignore her, causing her to turn to another member of the basketball team. 

If you approached him with that damned soft (teasing his mind tried to convince him) smile, he’d immediately retreat the other way or all around escape to the boys’ locker room. 

Shit, even when you offered to help him improve his shooting by acting as a resident ball girl (fetching and catching the ball so he didn’t have to stop his shooting motion every time his shot didn’t go in), he snapped at you simply because he could not manage being alone with you for a lingering period of time without the safety net of the others around. 

He tried to not pay attention to the looks of hurt you sent him, to ignore the way your lips twisted into a pout every time he blew you off. It wasn’t like it was his mission to hurt you, he just needed to purge his mind of every impure thought that kept entering his mind at the mere sound of your voice. 

This went on for weeks, the two of you falling into such a tense and awkward dance that the people surrounding began to notice the unspoken tension in the air. 

It wasn’t until a rainy day when practice had been canceled due to an upcoming storm, and Momoharu approached the gym for some time to practice alone did he come to face the hurt he caused you. 

Pausing on the concrete steps to the gym, he hesitated as he heard your soft voice accompanied by the familiar sound of a basketball hit the waxed gym floors. Of course, Sora would be practicing and you and Nano were helping him. Stopping at the entrance of the gym, he caught a diagonal view of your face, a pout on your lips, arms crossed over your chest as you spoke to the blonde just out of his view. 

“Do you think I did something to him?” He heard you ask, voice riddled with confusion as your brows furrowed. It didn’t take a genius to guess who the two of you were discussing, and he felt a slight pang sting through his chest. 

“No,” He overheard Nano say, “Maybe he’s just going through something right now, ya know? It probably has nothing to do with you.” 

Momoharu watched as the pout on your lips twisted into a small frown, and from your expression he could tell you didn’t believe a word that’d escaped Nano’s mouth. You thought you’d actually done something to offend him. That you were the cause of his short answers, and avoidance. When to him that really wasn’t the case. You weren’t in the wrong, he was. 

Now, he felt even more like a piece of shit. 

He exhaled before stepping into the gym, both your head and Nano’s turning his direction once they heard the squeak of his sneakers against the waxed floors. 

“Yo,” He stuttered out in a greeting, as he watched the frown on your face deepen. He expected you to ignore him, because he’s been on the other side of a cold shoulder from a Yabuuchi before. Yet, you face his gaze head on, and returned his greeting. 

The gym was quiet beside the familiar sound of Sora bouncing the basketball down the court, and Momoharu let out  a tentative sigh. 

“Can we talk?” He questioned, watching as you tilted your head and narrowed your eyes as if you were trying to look for some sort of double meaning in his words. 

He was sure you would deny his request because of the way he treated you for the past few weeks, but you nodded, and even followed him back outside of the gym for some sort of privacy away from Sora and Nano. 

You didn’t speak, obviously waiting for him to say whatever he had to say, and Momoharu found himself at a loss. His hand came up to rub the back of his neck as his eyes avoided you, because fuck what was he supposed to say? 

That he’d been so short with you and avoiding you because he caught a full strip show of you in your underwear? That the reason he didn’t speak to you was because his dreams had been filled with your enticing form, and soft voice. That every time he laid his eyes on you, his mind was immediately sent back to him looking through a fucking peephole at your unsuspecting form? 

Fuck no, he couldn’t say that. 

He lets out another deep exhale, before looking back at you, “Sorry,” He manages to say without stammering, and a singular eyebrow raises on your face. 

“For?” You simply question, your gaze still hard and un-moving as your head tilted to face him fully. 

“Being shitty towards you, “ He responds, and he watches as you stare at him, feeling as if you were peeling back every layer of his tone and expression, like you were figuring out exactly why he’d been shitty towards you. Yet to his surprise, you just shrug, a small grin appearing on your lips. 

“Well it took you long enough,” You stated, head shaking slightly, “I thought you were going to stay in your little asshole funk forever.” 

Momoharu snorted, hands going into the pocket of his gym shorts, “Well I’m over it now,” He mumbled out, and your grin widened even more. 

“Good,” You say, a playful tilt to your voice, “Because a week more and I was gonna have Chiaki kick your ass for me.” 

 A chuckle escaped him, and he reached out to ruffle your hair before passing you into the gym. You follow, still informing him that even if you didn’t enlist his brother to help you, that you probably would’ve just beaten him up yourself, causing another chuckle to leave his lips as he walks in front of you. 

Sure his brain isn’t quite over seeing you in such a state of undress, but it was truly unfair of him to just ignore you because he decided to peak in on an unknown hole. 

He was just glad that you were understanding enough to not poke him for more information about his distance.

Yet, even with the now dissipated awkward tension gone, there was still something tense about the air surrounding the two of you, and Momoharu prayed to high heaven that you didn’t notice the heat behind his dark gaze from now on.

[aoiaoimm]

Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru: character- couple analysis: who wore the galaxies, who lightened up the stars?

• Written by me.

• Personal thoughts.

• Ao3 link here

"What I am saying then is just because you don’t know how you manage to be conscious, how you manage to grow and shape your body, doesn’t mean that you’re not doing it. Equally, if you don’t know how the universe shines the stars, constellates the constellations, or galactifies the galaxies – you don’t know but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t doing it just the same way as you are breathing without knowing how you breathe."

----Alan Watts from the book The Essence of Alan Watts Vol. 4: Death (1975)

---------------

On Facebook, there is a topic that came up like this: Can you guys try to list out how many rival pairs are there in Haikyuu?

Someone suggested Hinata and Kageyama. Others said it’s obviously like the relationship between Nekoma and Karasuno, or the equal of Nishinoya and Yaku's abilities. Speaking of the barrier, there's Aone, there's Tendou, there's Matsukawa. Although a bit skewed, there are people who think that this is Bokuto, Kuroo.

At that time, I thought like this: You know, Iwaizumi and Oikawa are also rivals.

The beginning of their story begins with a few small images: Oikawa with the passion for volleyball from an early age, and Iwaizumi who was drawn to his fanciful hobby even when his full attention had been put into the racquet he used to catch insects and forests. Starting from that prologue, Oikawa Tooru's world only had volleyball, and Iwaizumi Hajime's world only had Oikawa Tooru. Although I was very hesitant in writing all the above, but I don’t think that is wrong. If everyone has carefully watched the anime and even read the manga, people will see almost any frame, when Furudate-sensei describes Oikawa's growth, Iwaizumi is always there for him. Supporting him, looking at him, staying behind him. Never once did Iwaizumi exploit anything other than volleyball and Oikawa, perhaps the world for Iwaizumi is just Oikawa, to go to school in the morning, to study, play volleyball together. Perhaps not just a friend, Iwaizumi to Oikawa is a quiet walk after a late workout, a light from a window in a dark night, a clenched fist that adds more warmth. Surely, even when Iwaizumi was just a child, his thoughts were like this: He is simple-minded, he is very stubborn, a crybaby, and he doesn’t know how to take care of himself. I have to look after him, I have to be here. I should be the support he needs, I should take care of him.

Because Iwaizumi Hajime has always been like this: hot-tempered but easy-going, grumpy but firm with his own gentle tenderness. He doesn't ask for anything, because maybe for Iwaizumi, just as long as Oikawa is okay, he is fine either. Oikawa is his best friend, the person he cares about the most, rather than the fact that he didn't start with a love for volleyball like Oikawa, more than an insect cage and racket. Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, look, this serve is great, let's play volleyball. It’s okay, Oikawa. I choose you.

And then what?

Oikawa collapses in front of him, doesn’t even have even a bit of joy for playing volleyball. This is not just a painful pain for Oikawa, but it is snatching what Iwaizumi wants most- which he has always tried hard to collect and preserve- and shatter to pieces. Iwaizumi was there when Oikawa started his passion for volleyball and watched the way it sprouted around him, unable to stop Oikawa from his own guilt. Iwaizumi was there when they entered the middle school together, became captain and ace, and lost at the hands of Shiratorizawa. Yet it's still not that he can save Oikawa from that painful black hole in the end, until Oikawa explodes in front of him, until Iwaizumi almost couldn’t stop from gung further, before he can do anything with the younger setter that year.

On many forums, websites, media types, in fact, there are many people who have different opinions: think about it, Iwaizumi can choose a softer and less violent way to wake Oikawa up isn't it? Why does he always have to be so violent like that? Are they really friends? They're teammates, aren't they?

The answer is: only because they’re teammates, that they can treat each other as so.

Because they’re friends, Iwaizumi can bring all the anger in him down on Oikawa with a hit on the head. Listen carefully, the sounds from the invisible story page, the sounds that literary minds bring you. The frown on Iwaizumi's face, the way his fists tighten around Oikawa's collar before he gives him a bump on the forehead, they're saying it too.

If they were a normal friends, would it be possible to one of them to immediately hit the other person? If they were only normal friends, would you not hesitate, not be afraid of anything, not feel upset and do something like that?

I'm not promoting violence, I'm trying to understand the emotions that are cornered into muscular movement, in a person who has always been familiar with the watching position, with the role of a supporter.

The blow that Iwaizumi gave to Oikawa, is exactly the same as the punch Oikawa was almost swung towards Kageyama without thinking. If Iwaizumi wasn’t there, what would happen after? But of course, we have no chance to discuss that subject, because Iwaizumi was there, sliding right where he needed to be as if the universe was always, always watching them. Certainly a part of him wanted to scream: look! Feel it! This is what you intend to do with Kageyama! Think it through, what are you thinking? You are a fool! You really have no cure!

But he didn’t. Instead, he said:

“Among us, no one has the ability to win against Ushiwaka in a one-on-one match. But damn, volleyball has six people on the court and that must have a reason! Even if the person on the other side of the net is a first-year genius or Ushiwaka, six who are stronger are stronger!”

Maybe that's what Oikawa wants to hear the most. Perhaps Oikawa doesn't want to hear people call him the best setter, doesn't want to hear people praise him anymore. Perhaps what Oikawa wants is someone to come over and tell him that no one can win against Ushijima alone, that he has already tried his best, that he doesn't need to worry anymore, just rest. Now it's everyone's turn. The people on the same side of the net are all his allies, Oikawa had Kitagawa Daiichi by then, just that he didn't realize they were what he needed until Iwaizumi told him that. He had been rolling around in those hellish years, hurting himself, pressing himself on the involuntary burden like Atlas with the eternal punishment of carrying the earth on his shoulders. Oikawa has never wondered then, what about the other thing?

The joy he craved when playing volleyball.

"Suddenly, I feel invincible."

Feeling that there's nothing that could win over him right then, it's because Oikawa Tooru suddenly realized he was with such a person.

Instead of advising Oikawa Tooru to remove the burden of this planet from his shoulders, Iwaizumi Hajime suggested them to do it together until they couldn't anymore, until the world crumbled on their shoulders.

Instead of smooth and sad goodbye words, Iwaizumi Hajime said that you are the partner I can boast, an excellent setter. No matter which team you join, that fact will never change.

You know, Iwaizumi Hajime is a guy with a lot of "didn't", with a lot of "instead", only for Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa Tooru is a proud and arrogant jerk, enjoying jokes and compliments about himself. Think, when you are being called "excellent setter", what kind of face would you have? In each match, when you look at the opponent, what kind of face would you have? A smirk, probably. Brown eyes quickly become sharp but a little arrogant, it's also right to say that Oikawa Tooru is a complacent, but it is not wrong to think that he knows his ability, aware of what he is, what he should do to keep it up, how he is better than others, how people look up on him.

However, after watching the anime, I felt like the kind of looks Oikawa gave Iwaizumi when he finished their challenge, was something stranger. I mean, Oikawa has been praised a thousand times before, right? Surely he must not be too surprised anymore? Yet he is. The pupils opened their eyes wide with every single of Iwaizumi's words, he probably couldn't believe this was the person three years ago who slammed his forehead into Oikawa’s face. When Iwaizumi ends his impromptu speech and Oikawa turns around to face Iwaizumi, there is a kind of emotion in his eyes that is usually not there when Oikawa receives a compliment. It is called warmth. It is called pride. It is called a tender emotion, the noble respect between two friends that not everyone can have, when both find themselves stopping by the familiar park, under the moonlight.

"..... But when we confront each other, I will definitely defeat you"

“I have no intention of losing either."

For everyone, this is simply Iwaizumi's fight with Oikawa, or a hint about what will happen in the future, for example, that they will meet again even if they choose two different schools. For me, this is Iwaizumi's last respect for Oikawa when their high school volleyball career is over, as the two prepare to turn to a new chapter of their lives without the other person.

Do you know? Considering someone as a peer competitor is a kind of gentle respect.

Talking about personal issues again, for a while I was very determined to complete the literature test my school took in order to be able to be in the excellent students team. There was this girl in the same class as me who attended the test with me, and when it came to the exam day, she jokingly asked me that because we are in the same class, that can I go easy on her. I also just smiled back then, but actually in my head, I kept thinking. I didn't tell her, but I wanted to say no, I won't need to hold back on you. I will do my best if we compete with each other, because I respect you, because I know you are amazing and powerful enough to me to do that.

So, I think Iwaizumi means the same thing. The fact that he seriously considers Oikawa to be his opponent is kinda odd, because we've always been used to look at him as someone who silently looks after Oikawa, walking behind him, taking care of him. As Ushijima said, almost everyone tried to assert that without Oikawa, Aoba Johsai would be just a mediocre team. But no, after all, Iwaizumi was there, facing Oikawa, on equal position with Oikawa, forcing Oikawa to seriously accept himself as an opponent. Everyone knows this, but to me, I still want to say that Iwaizumi Hajime is really, really strong.

He doesn’t want to stay in the back anymore. He didn't want to be overshadowed by Oikawa, he didn't want to be silent, he wanted to stop watching. He wanted to take a step forward. He wants to be a rival to Oikawa.

Yesterday, while rewatching "Seijou after match", I was surprised to realize Oikawa's eyes were so soft, to realize Iwaizumi was always in his own way, steadfast and thorny until the last minute.

Perhaps Iwaizumi's wish at that time was more than just facing Oikawa on the court. It was his own way of expressing- apart from his deep respect- that he wants to see Oikawa again. He wants to be with Oikawa again, with anything related to volleyball. Perhaps all the little things that Iwaizumi Hajime wants is just to once again feel his connection with Oikawa, once again meet him when the two have became adults,

Once again,

Can be able to play volleyball together.

Oikawa Tooru is covered by the whole galaxy, but Iwaizumi Hajime is the one who lights up the stars.

[tessatechaitea]

The Invisibles #5

It says "Crash the bus" on the back cover and I fucking get it so hard.

My inherent nihilism doesn't show often because, ultimately, I believe in a humanitarian morality based around kindness and compassion, built upon the foundational belief that nothing exists beyond our short lifespans and any act of wanton cruelty which makes any part of that short and challenging life more difficult for another person is the only true evil in the universe. But I feel the statement, "Crash the bus," deep down in my bones sometimes. Maybe it stems from a carefree and flirtatious relationship with suicidal ideation that allows me to embrace the idea of burning it all down. Most people want safety and comfort and will bargain with the devil to keep as much of that safety and comfort as possible, no matter how illusory it may be (because we have to face the fact that a good illusion may as well be reality). We're living in a Jenga tower where we refuse to restablilize the base even though it's teetering on just three misplaced blocks. And because of that, the amount of true reform that can be applied to this system is limited to what shapes can stand upon those three blocks. Most people are willing to work in that paradigm because they're afraid of starting completely over and losing their current safety and comfort, or because they think those three blocks are too sacred to remove. But imagine if you kicked out those three blocks, or, to sort of get back to the original analogy, crashed the bus into them and brought the whole tower down. Imagine the stable structure you could build if you started from a foundation that was built to support a better, kinder, more just system rather than trying to build that better system on a foundation not meant to support anything like it. Just because a structure has stood for over two hundred years doesn't mean it's still worth living in today, or maintaining its upkeep simply because we've always maintained its upkeep. I often dream of crashing the bus. And believe me, I don't fantasize about it because I think I'll survive the crash. I fantasize about it because I don't think I'll survive the ride. On the inside cover of this issue, there's a brief description of who and what The Invisibles are. "An organization dedicated to subversive activity in all its forms...the only rule of the organization is disobedience." In an earlier The Invisibles review, I believe I equated this organization to the Upright Citizens Brigade (specifically the show and not the comedy troupe). It's probably why I understood this comic book from page one. My intro or about page on Facebook has simply said this for however long I've been on the cursed site: "My only enemy is the status quo. My only friend is chaos" (that's stolen from the Upright Citizens Brigade intro, just to be clear). So I really can't remember why I stopped reading this comic book. It was right up my alley, even at twenty-three! I highly suspect I just lost track of it because I was a terribly disorganized comic book collector. I just realized King Mob is Grant Morrison's Mary Sue, isn't he? I had an image of him in my head but I just checked the Internet to makes sure he did look just like King Mob and, well, the Internet confirmed my suspicions. Also while scanning Morrison's Wikipedia entry, I noticed a short paragraph about Morriosn noting the similarities between The Invisibles and The Matrix. You know, like I noticed as well! Me! I noticed it too! Try to remember that these reviews are really just reviews about me and no the comic books I'm pretending to read but really just looking at the pictures.

Morrison just puts the pieces of the puzzle on the table and you're supposed to put them together. But who does fucking puzzles?! Boring!

In my 30s, I planned on reading every holy book and writing copious amounts of commentary from a person who wasn't taught the dogma behind the words and was simply trying to understand the book with the words that were there. I made it about forty pages through Genesis with nearly three hundred pages of commentary and then the project just sort of petered out. I suppose I'm still alive so I can always restart this project. But sometimes life has a way of kicking you in the brain by distracting you and suddenly eighteen years have gone by and you're all, "What's the fucking point?" The Mahabharata was going to be one of those books. I read part of it in college but damned if I can remember any of it. Hell, I was even going to read Dianetics! I was going to save the Quran for last just in case I invoked the rage of some fundamentalist psycho for interpreting something in the book literally as opposed to the way it's been taught according to centuries of dogma (I was pretty sure I was going to offend Christians as well but Christian fundamentalists are mostly lazy, selfish bastards who wouldn't dare take any risks to disrupt their Earthly life for their spiritual beliefs). The few bits I've read from the Quran that line up with Genesis were far more interesting in the way they sort of held a dialogue with The Bible. Like when Abraham apparently went to sacrifice his only son in The Bible and the book claims it was Isaac. And yet the only time Abraham had an only son was before Isaac was born and his only son was Ishmael. So, you know, it sounds pretty much like The Bible is lying about what happened while the Quran is just telling it like it is (although I'm not sure the Quran ever names the child so that's another part of the mystery! Maybe it was Isaac and somehow Ishmael just didn't count as a true son for reasons. You know the reasons. Maid's sons don't count is the reason). After teaching about Indian puppetry, Morrison gives the reader a lengthy scene of Lord Byron and Percy Bysshe Shelley discussing their roles as poets in the betterment of the world. With all these conversations of dead artists who died young, I wonder if Grant Morrison is bitter that he's lived so long? Anyway, George and Percy have some interesting things to say but this isn't a synopsis but a review. Also I don't like to comment on things I don't understand, like intelligent dialogue and beautiful poetry and earnest compassion.

Meanwhile, Jack Frost learns that the most important part of being an Invisible is being more paranoid than the next guy.

King Mob has to get back to England after his Indian puppet show and a visit to a Ganesh statue but he hates flying. So instead, he takes a shortcut through the future where the world has been ravaged by a great war and the Berlin Wall was rebuilt but bigger. Probably not to keep people on either side of it (the world seems mostly devastated) but probably just because the few fascist assholes still alive felt building a monument to being controlling dicks was the right thing to do to celebrate. Some mysterious guy without a face takes the face of some kids' father in a park somewhere at some point. It's hard to tell if this story has a place in time that can be considered the "now" being that King Mob is in a ravaged future and Byron and Shelley are in a long gone past and Jack Frost is in the present. Oh, that's probably the now! And the guy who stole the face of the other guy is probably in Jack's now time. King Mob returns to his Invisibles cell with information about their next mission. He also lets everybody know that Orlando is currently in London. I think it was Orlando who stole the face of the guy in the park. But that's just supposed to raise the tension because the Invisibles are going to leave their bodies behind in present day London as they time travel to the French Revolution. If we didn't know about Orlando, we would just be all, "Okay, cool! I guess they're time traveling and leaving their bodies so it'll be safe. Not because there are no threats from long-lived assassins without their own faces but because it's fucking time travel and I imagine they can return to their bodies the exact moment in which they left them!" Although the idea that the amount of time they spend in the past is equal to the amount of time their bodies sit unguarded makes a lot more sense than having somebody from the future tell Bill and Ted in his past that their clock is always ticking no matter where they are in time. I mean, it just doesn't make any sense! Especially when they break the rules later and will probably shit all over the time travel rules of their own established universe in the upcoming movie. Anyway, I like the idea that their spirits leave their bodies in the present in this time travel and that the spirits are away exactly as long as they spend in the past. That actually makes sense to me! The Invisibles #5 Rating: B+. Well, thanks a lot, twenty-three year old asshole me from the past! You just had to stop buying this comic book, didn't you?! And now I have to suffer not knowing what happens! Although I suppose you also suffered that and you seemed to have been fine. Aside from having no ambition and never finishing any writing projects and killing all of your dreams to play more video games. You know. Aside from that, you did just fine. Yeah. Real fine. Idiot.

[realm-sweet-realm]

Defining Memories, chapter 8

This is the final chapter and contains Joey and Henry’s memories.

---

Bertrum fumed for a solid three minutes about how his memory wasn’t any indication of his engineering skills, responsibility, or anything else, before Lacie and Joey could finally get him to calm down.

“Who’s left?” Joey asked, mostly to himself. “Oh, that’s right.” He turned to look at Henry. “Only me and you.”

Henry chuckled awkwardly. This was the first time they’d acknowledged each other on this mystical plane. “Yeah, I guess so. So, um... life treating you well, Joey?”

“Oh, yes,” he said, a bitter tone to his voice. “The studio is just flourishing! Everything is going fantastic!” Henry felt like Joey was trying to bludgeon him with words. He certainly wasn’t doing his normal, cheery facade.

“Oh, I couldn’t have missed that. I mean, I’m still in the industry after all, and, uh...” The light, yellow, appeared by Henry’s shoulder. “Oh, look at this.”

Henry was grateful for an end to the conversation, and he was rather curious about what his best memory would be- his wedding, maybe, or the birth of one of his children? Or, maybe something from his own childhood.

The scene changed. It showed Henry in a University lecture hall. He was sketching in his notebook when a black-haired boy sat beside him. The boy peered over at the nice scene Henry was drawing, with deer and trees and the like.

“Hey,” the stranger said to Henry, “that’s really- oh.” At this point, the stranger realized that Henry was too engrossed to hear him and shook him lightly by the shoulder. Finally, Henry turned to look at him. “Hey. That’s really good. You know, we’re going to need partners for the group project. Wanna be mine?”

“Uh, sure,” Henry replied. He then offered him his hand. “Henry Stein. And you are?”

“You can call me Joey.”

Strange for a grown adult to call himself that, Henry thought. “Joey. Well, okay, if that's what you call yourself. Nice to meet you.”

Joey smiled. “Yeah. I get that a lot. Let me let you onto a little secret: once you reach a certain age, you stop caring if you look childish.” Henry was impressed.

The scene changed to the two sitting across from each other in a library, writing on sheets of paper. Henry was still going strong, but Joey was clearly getting bored with it. “Hey, Henry. Wanna go for coffee?”

“Sure. When?”

“Now.”

“You’re done your part already?”

“I can finish it up later. So can you. Come on. I know a great place.” He all but pulled Henry up. The scene changed to a nice little coffee shop where the two were chatting.

“So, Joey, you know what you’re doing after college?”

Joey grinned. “Do I! Let me ask you something Henry. How old do you think I am?”

“Nineteen,” Henry said without thinking. It seemed like a fair bet- a student in a first-year class would most likely be eighteen, nineteen, or maybe twenty, and Joey didn’t look any older than that.

“Wrong! I’m twenty-seven. Isn’t it just crazy how, when you’re young, all you want to do is just be away from your parents and your responsibilities? But just living to do what you want- that gets old fast. Soon, you want something more. You want to make something of yourself, bring something fantastic into the world. And that’s why I’m here. As soon as I feel ready, I’m going to, well, I don’t know yet. But it’ll be big!” At that point, Joey cleared his throat, having realized that he had gone on long enough (not that Henry seemed to mind any). “Anyhow. What are your plans?”

“Geez, I don’t know. Go to whoever hires me, I guess. I mean, I know there’s more you can do with an art degree than people think, but, well...” Henry has been about to make some comments about how he wasn’t the proudest of his major, but that might not have been the best thing to say to someone intent on doing “big things” with something similar. As was, he was at a loss as to how to sound slightly less lame, especially in comparison to Joey’s grand speech.

“Sounds like you need to learn how to dream,” Joey replied simply.

Henry blushed. Nail on the head. “Seems like you could teach me.”

From that point forward, the memory shifted often, showing a flurry of moments the two had spent together. It showed them going to Henry’s first college party together. It showed them hanging out with Sammy, and Joey, always the ladies’ man, teaching them how to flirt. And all the times that Henry had come to Joey for advice. Henry remembered how he had looked up to Joey’s optimism, energy, and suavity. Their nine-year age gap had felt huge back then, and as such, he’d also found Joey very worldly and wise, even if his ideas did need a little grounding sometimes. Joey had often used Henry as a sounding board for his ideas as well, and it wasn’t uncommon for them to start with something wild and nebulous and end up with a concrete plan to follow. Joey had decided that his big, fantastic goal would be starting an animation studio. Henry had been the one to suggest they start with comics and work up from there, a suggestion that Joey, thankfully, listened to. And so, Bendy and Friends Studio was born. One of the final happy memories was of Henry gathering up some film reel and playing the first animation he’d ever made. “We’re gonna make it,” Henry had said, watching the tape.

“Of course we are. I made sure of it,” Joey answered. The scene shifted to show the same animation, a bit more polished now, playing before a crowd.

After that, however, the memories darkened. Henry saw himself working late into the night, often coming home so late that Linda was already asleep, and at times even pushing himself until he passed out on his desk. He saw Sammy lose all interest in Joey’s friendship and complain about him with Wally. When Henry tried to defend him, Sammy had said, “You don’t understand. He’s easier on you. You’re his favourite.” Henry could remember when they were in college and he’d told Joey that he was sure Linda would get bored with him in a couple weeks. Joey had called that nonsense. That had felt good, and Joey had been right. It didn’t feel good now that Joey was saying the same thing, in the same encouraging tone, when Henry told him that they needed to hire more animators because he was working himself to the bone to meet deadlines. Their age gap should have felt smaller now, but it didn’t. It felt huge. Henry was coming to the painful realization that Joey would never see him as an equal. He saw him almost as a ward.

The image of Henry sending in an application to a studio in Florida flashed by, followed by him receiving the acceptance letter. Henry hadn’t even been sure he wanted this to happen. But, here it was.

The ball of light jerked out of present-day Henry’s hand and flew to the midway point between him and Joey. Henry hadn’t seen it change, but it was blue now. The scene changed to that of Joey’s office. Henry entered.

“So, Henry. I’ve brought you here to talk about that letter you sent me,” the younger Joey said.

Henry shuffled nervously. He knew that Joey had a temper. “Well, there’s not a lot to say. I’m leaving. Two weeks' notice. I’m sorry.” An awkward pause. “Can we still keep touch?”

“Henry, I want to talk about why you want to leave. What always happens when you have your doubts and we talk things over?”

Another silence. Often, what happened was that Henry got praised, then ignored.

“We work something out!” Joey chirped, a big, but somewhat nervous smile on his face. “So, what’s the issue?”

Henry sighed. “It’s not like that, Joey. I already have another job lined up. I can’t just change my mind now.” He really didn’t want to tell Joey everything.

“Can’t we at least try?” Joey's tone was like that of a parent speaking down to a child, and that made Henry furious.

“Fine. You want to know why I’m leaving, Joey? Here’s why. I’ve been telling you for months to hire more animators, but instead of actually listening, you gave me empty encouragement and dismissed me. It seems like you don’t listen to a word I say anymore. Working late all the time is hurting my relationship with Linda and my health. Sammy is giving me the silent treatment because apparently I’m your favourite, and even Wally seems to distancing himself from me. And I really don’t like the implication that you’re treating everyone else even worse than me!” Henry had let his voice rise to a yell. Quiet and calm again, he concluded, “Joey, I don’t know how long I could’ve kept this up, and I don’t like what working here has taught me about you. I’m sorry. So, that’s why.”

Joey stood up and turned to face the window. “Get out of my office, and out of my life,” he ordered, voice perfectly calm.

“Joey, I-"

“Get OUT of my office and out of my LIFE!” he screamed.

Henry left, disheartened but not surprised. At that moment, the blue orb landed in current-day Joey’s hands.

“You're nothing without me. You’ll never get anywhere without me,” Joey grumbled, though he wasn't sure Henry could even hear him. He turned around to reveal tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped them away quickly and sat down at his desk with pen and paper. “Okay, Joey. What are some positives to this situation?”

After a bit of consideration, he began to write.

1. I can finally change the studio’s name. 2. I can change my name and name the studio after myself. 3. I won’t have to share the glory when the studio gets popular. 4. I can find a new confidant that won’t be so damn ungrateful.

The scene changed to show the music department just as everyone was packing up for the day. Joey standing to the side, seemingly for no reason. He grabbed Jack’s shoulder as he walked by, mildly alarming him.

“Huh? Yes, Mr. Drew?” He looked anxious and guilty enough to make Joey wonder if he was actually hiding something.

“Jack! Just the guy I was looking for. Listen, I have some ideas for the company and the cartoons we’re about to release, and I need someone to bounce them off of. You’re a smart guy, why don’t we go get a drink and discuss em’?”

Tension left Jack’s body as he realized that he wasn’t in trouble. They began walking to the exit. “Uh, sure, I guess. Or we could just do it here.”

“No. I want to have a drink with you.”

Jack walked in silence a while. “If I can ask... why?”

Because Jack was quiet, diffident, down to earth, and creative, just like who he was meant to replace. As well, he was about as gentle and approachable a person as you could find, and Joey was still feeling pretty fragile. But of course, Joey couldn’t say that.

The scene changed back to Joey’s office. Sammy came in. “Alright. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve checked with everyone and I think we can make the adjustments you want before the deadline. Also, Jack asked me to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

“He isn't interested in your friendship. He didn’t think he could wrack up the nerve to tell you since you’re his boss, so he asked me to. Now please leave him alone. You've been bothering him for over a week.”

"Fair," Joey said, keeping a smile on his face as the light drained from his eyes. The rejection actually stung this time, since it was coming from Jack, who Joey had sought out because he'd seemed too soft to turn him down. Not that Jack had been a great replacement Henry, anyhow. Far too much of a pushover, far too afraid to have his own thoughts. He'd essentially just agreed with everything Joey had said. Henry might be hard to replace. At that moment, Joey realized that Henry hadn't just been the little friend he'd helped to build up. He was also possibly the closest friend that Joey had ever had. And Joey had driven him away.

The scene faded. This time, there was a door floating in the void. With everyone's memories watched, people could leave now. "I guess that's it," Joey said. He couldn't quite bring himself to meet Henry's eyes. He, along with everyone else, turned to the door. Sammy, Tom, Allison and Susie were making plans to meet after work to talk about how to handle the changes in Sammy and Susie's relationship. Lacie was pushing Bertrum's buttons over his worst memory. Grant asked Norman to meet with him after work. Norman wasn't usually the type to want to talk about his problems, but those cult memories had been a lot, and as Norman's only friend in the studio, Grant wanted to at least give him an opportunity to.

Henry caught Joey's arm before he could go through the door. "Hey. If that door does what we think it'll do, we're going to be back in separate states. Before we go, shouldn't we talk about all that?" Henry looked down to his shoes. "Y'know, unless you still want me out of your life."

For once, Joey had to fight to keep a smile off his face. "No, no. Let's talk."

[awed-frog]

How did you almost get arrested for writing a paper?

Well, it’s a stupid story but - as some of you know, I wrote half my thesis on dicks (which was completely accidental, btw), and the thing is, academia is a rabbit hole because whatever you start doing, you have to keep doing? So, fast-forward three years and I’m suddenly discussing statues’ genitals with one of the leading experts in the entire world and the conversation goes on and on and we start wondering But wait - what’s going on with women?

Because male statues, as we know, have weird genitals - shrunken little things that have made generations of middle-schoolers laugh their heads off - and while we generally consider that’s because penis size was linked to virtue, morality and smarts (ie, the bigger it is, the more savage and less in control of yourself you are), there’s also a theory that these representations of adult men are deliberately sculpted as younger - in that area - because youth and teenagerhood was the most celebrated life period in ancient Greece.

So far, so good & most rational.

Thing is, though, no one’s really considered female genitals in sculpture except for poor John Ruskin, who’d apparently spent so long in the company of statues that when he discovered his new wife had hair - this was their wedding night - he shrieked in distress and couldn’t talk to her again for the next ninety years.

And while there’s the possibility pubic hair was painted on the statues afterwards (let’s remember Greek statues were a nightmare of garish & clashing colours), it’s true that the pudendal cleft is just never there, is it? And at this point, we started wondering if the cleft is actually visible on prepuberal girls, you know, because maybe this bizarro ‘Hey let’s sculpt adult people with undeveloped genitals, that will be totally fun and uncreepy!’ scenario was actually more widespread than normally assumed? And next some other student poked her head in and we realized what we were talking about, so there was a lot of er and uhm and I promised to research the issue and he said ‘Jolly good’ or something to that effect and off I went.

And I know it sounds far-fetched, but by that point, the reality of the task (ie, finding an image of a naked child I could use as comparison against a Greek statue) didn’t really register as weird? I was just excited because no one else had looked into it ever and I mean, of course there was nothing sexual about it at all? It was just a question of how human bodies develop and change over time and what dead artists from a dead culture might have chosen to represent and why. 

So that’s why I went straight to my university-owned room fully furnished with university-owned internet connection and happily typed ‘naked girl frontal’ or something like that in the Google. And of course I got an alert like, ‘THIS PAGE WAS BLOCKED AND YOU SHOULD GO DIE’ so that’s when I started to panic a little bit but hey, it was only 9pm and I was on the verge of a revolutionary breakthrough (obviously), so I cycled to the medical library and spent the next two hours going over encyclopedias with no luck whatsoever. 

(You just couldn’t find an illustration of a girl’s genitals anywhere, and maybe I should have been more grateful for that than I was at the time.)

Then the next morning I was called in for a ‘routine check’ at the IT office and had to submit my private laptop to be searched, also got asked what I was even doing at the medical library, which is how I discovered that Top Universities actively track their students without telling them, and in the end it was decided I was An Idiot Doing Dirty Research But Not Actually Dirty Myself and the matter was dropped. I did spend about two hours thinking I’d be arrested, though.

(And I still don’t know if my theory had any merit at all.)  

[charlotte-codes]

This, Charlotte, is the internet ...

It was September 30th: day one, week one. 

I cycled across Bristol that Monday morning with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. I am not a seasoned city cyclist, so crossing the leviathan of roadworks at rush-hour was my first test.

Arriving at the DevelopMe offices unscathed, I quickly found my seat. Although we’d all met the week before at a social event organised by DevelopMe (a brilliant idea because I was less nervous having already met some of my fellow classmates) the room was very quiet and you could feel the tension of 12 career-changers psyching themselves up for what was ahead. 

Our teacher for the week was Keir, whose enthusiasm and sense of humour made us all feel relaxed and at home very quickly.

We started with a brief introduction to the internet. 

Now, I knew that the internet was not contained in a small black box à la the IT Crowd, but I had never really considered its complexity: a global network of computers that can communicate with one another at sub-second speeds is something that takes a while to get your head around.  

Although the fundamentals of the internet are fairly easy to digest, thinking about it too much at this point in my understanding is like thinking about the expanding universe - enough to make my brain explode and ooze out of my ears. So, we’re gonna leave that one for another day.

In the meantime, let’s talk about HTML and CSS, our topics for the first fortnight. This post will be an overview of what we learnt, I’ll get into the details in separate posts later on. 

HTML (Hypertext Markup Language)

The phrase that has stuck in my mind from our first week at bootcamp is ‘Progressive Enhancement and Graceful Degradation’ - which sounds suspiciously like a general life lesson, or an advert for a skincare range. For our purposes, it’s a way of making sure that every user can access the fundamental parts of your website no matter what browser they use or how slow their internet connection.

The first few days concentrated on writing HTML, which contains the important ‘content’ of the webpage. CSS is used to make it look good and also deals with accessibility. We’ll get into Javascript later, but that allows user interactivity. All three together constitute Front End development. My beginners understanding of this is that a Front End specialist works on the client-side stuff you see and interact with - whilst a Back End specialist works on the server-side stuff you don’t. A Full Stack developer does both.

In terms of HTML, you can split your code up like a human body: at the top is a <head> tag wherein you store all the metadata. Just like a human head, you can’t see what’s going on in there on the webpage itself, but it contains important behind-the-scenes information. The part of the page you see online is the <body> and you can dress this up however you want using CSS. 

Within the body you’ll probably have a <header>, a <main> and a <footer>, which are fairly self-explanatory ways to break up a page. A lot of this stuff comes from traditional methods in printing, so if you imagine your page layout a bit like a newspaper, then considering how to split it up seems logical: for instance, you’ll probably further divide your page up into articles, sections and asides.

Within these sections you’ll have tags for various elements like paragraphs <p>, images <img/>, links <a>, headings <h1>, <h2>, buttons <button> and so on: again, it’s all wonderfully logical. Here’s some I wrote earlier - this is just part of the <header> on my home page: 

The above example is also styled and for the majority of the first fortnight of bootcamp we got to grips with CSS. 

CSS (Cascading Style Sheets)

CSS is a little trickier, mainly because there are SO MANY THINGS and you have to think about accessibility and responsiveness (i.e how a screen-reader will understand your code and what it will look like on desktop and mobile devices - this requires the use of @media queries, which I’ve grown to really like because it is SO satisfying when they work properly).

Potentially one of the biggest challenges I found in CSS was positioning things evenly. When you start fiddling about with margins and padding, and forgetting what you’ve fiddled with, you start seeing issues arising on the page: maybe it’s an <h2> that just won’t align with the image underneath; or maybe it’s a <nav> bar that is squishing all the menu items too close together, and pushing them all a little off-centre.

Now, I’m mildly neurotic when it comes to visuals. I’m trained in visual analysis and I’ve spent the best part of the last decade explaining the composition of paintings and other images - why they have a central focal point, or why they don’t etc. etc. Positioning stuff correctly and with meaning is important to me.

So I became particularly enamoured with flexbox and CSS grid (and not just because I enjoyed playing Flexbox Froggy and Grid Garden). These do a large percentage of the positioning legwork for you and I found myself using them a lot for the project work that we did in the second week.

Some excellent resources for these can be found here:

https://css-tricks.com/snippets/css/a-guide-to-flexbox/

https://css-tricks.com/snippets/css/complete-guide-grid/

Week 2: More CSS and SASS

In week 2 we worked on a sample project.

The brief was to practice our HTML and CSS skills by building a pretend portfolio site for a commercial photographer. Our teacher this week was Ruth, who was also super cool and put us all at ease instantly.

The project consisted of a home page with a grid of featured photos and a nav that turned into a burger menu when reduced to a small screen. We also had to create a gallery page, a blog page (and a sample page for one blog post) and a contact page (to practice HTML forms). 

One of the main focuses of week 2 was using SASS to organise our code so that we didn’t have to repeat ourselves throughout the site.

At first I didn’t get on with SASS (it felt complicated). But being a fan of flexboxes, I spent some time creating a mixin that I was particularly proud of so that I didn’t have to create new flexboxes all the time (a mixin is like a function that can be reused by passing values into the variables - in this case, $justify, $align and $flexDirection):

Turns out SASS is super useful. 

And being a bit of a neat freak, I enjoyed putting all my code into separate files and tidying everything up. 

I was pretty proud of my site by the end of the week:

home page ... big screen

two sample posts on the blog page ... 

Every Friday, we have an individual review with one of the course organisers so that we can discuss how we are getting on. Both weeks I mentioned that I was tired, but in a good way! I was getting great feedback from my teachers too.

So far, so good. 

Downtime

Learning new information day after day is super tiring and it’s important to have a break at the weekends. 

So I’ve been kind to myself and made sure I get out into nature on Saturdays and Sundays and away from my desk. The temptation just to work through is there all the time - I love what I’m doing, so it doesn’t feel like work and I have to drag myself away from it in the evenings and at weekends. This can only be a good thing though, right?! 

The entire cohort are so friendly and everyone gets on really well. A few of us finished the first fortnight with a celebratory drink at Bocabar. 

Next week ... Javascript ... bring it on!  

[hellenic-devotional]

52 Deep Ass Witchcraft Questions >.<

What draws me to witchcraft? What draws me to witchcraft? Maybe the sense of belonging I feel, maybe it is the comfort I gain when I practice. I have always been drawn to the occult ever since I was a child. I cannot explain why I love it so much. It just feels right. I was lost when I was young. In the sense that I had lost my sense of family friendship and love (especially self-love).

How do I see the divine? I see them as wonderful companions and beings that I can learn and find guidance from. Lots of times they appear to me like shadows or shimmers like glittery blobs in front of me. Other times they chime into my head like ringing a doorbell or whispering in cryptic images, words, and sounds. 

What in witchcraft makes me happy? I love how I feel about all of it. I love the craft and the darker sides of magic. I especially love the ways I have connected more to others and especially myself through it all.

Do I want to follow a path that has to do with a little nature or a lot of nature? I would rather stay away from any kind of nature besides dirt, sea water, moon water etc since I have this insane ability to kill any plants in my care or near me. 

What areas of witchcraft would I like to learn more about? I would like to learn more about energy healing, soul work, conjuring, sea magic, and spirit work. I already work with most of these but I always want to collect more and more information. 

Where do my witchy talents lie? I’d say I am confident in my dream interpretations, scrying, and sea magic.

What kind of deities, if any, do I want to honour? I honour Hades, Poseidon, Selene mainly, but any other deity who asks for help or an offering is welcome in my space. I also have a small altar planned for my spirit companions and such.

How do I believe magic works? I believe it is a combined mix of supernatural forces, your own intentions, practice, faith, and energy.

Simple or elaborate spells/rituals? Why? I really love elaborate spells and rituals, however, I am not in a position to perform them with money, time, and having to keep my craft a secret being a constant issue. So I perform simple spells regularly XD I love them just as much as elaborate spells. 

What are my views on cursing/hexing? I am the biggest Pro Curse witch. I practice cursing, hexing, and jinxing on a regular basis. I love it! Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I honestly couldn’t care less if someone hates me or my craft because I approve of curses. It is none of their business what I do.

Do I want to practice something similar to my ancestors? I have not considered anything with my ancestors, my family is a mess and I’d rather not dig into their history.

What are the basic morals and ethics I feel I should live by? To strive to live to your fullest (arete), keeping duty, promise, and reverence toward the gods (eusebia), having moral purity; doing what is right always and keeping a strong moral compass (hagneia), live to gain wisdom and knowledge from everywhere and everyone (sophia), having self-control; denying temptations etc (sophrosune), practising hospitality, generosity, and courtesy always (xenia)

What in nature am I drawn to; the ocean, animals, the trees, etc? I am drawn to the deep earth, it’s minerals and gems, the ocean, sea, any body of water really, the moon, flowers, and old trees.

Which (witchy) holidays, if any, would I like to celebrate and how? Currently I do not celebrate any witchy holidays. But I plan to incorporate some into my practice soon (mainly Hellenic and Buddhist holidays).

How do I believe divination works? I believe divination comes through deep within yourself, the universe conversing with your spirit, entities, spirits, and deities communicating through the tools, and the energy through the devices themselves guiding the reader. When reading the signs, symbols, and images seen through divination there are so many secrets being told and unveiled at the hands of the reader.

Would I like to work with a group some of the time, all of the time or not at all? I would love to have a permanent and stable coven who is really casual with the craft and rituals. Although I do like performing spells alone, three people would be the strongest. 

Which aspects of witchcraft appeal to me most, which the least? The aspects that most appeals to me are the ability to express oneself, the openness for all possibilities, and a validation of my personal character. What I like least is the discourse it creates in some places and the prejudices against those who practice, and even the prejudice between groups of people who practice different crafts. I very much dislike the negative stigma that has been highlighted by social media, society, and most Hollywood productions.

What do I believe happens to us when we die? I believe that in death our souls will be able to travel to the afterlife that we deserve. We will be judged on our actions in life and placed in one of the hells, heavens, sanctuaries, or be reborn to learn the lessons we missed during our time on earth.

How do I see mythological creatures? I see mythological creatures as those who once had physical forms and some who still exist in the physical but are hidden from our naked eyes. Those who have become spirits still interact with the world but in a much different way than what they would have when they had physical forms.

When do I feel most magical? I feel the most magical when I am divining, speaking to my gods, and performing spells/curses...

How much is witchcraft woven into my daily life; is this too much, too little or just enough? I would like more of my craft to be a daily thing. So far I just discuss it and share information between blogs and friends. And the occasional ritual every so often.

What kind of witch do I feel I am? I am rather eclectic, I mainly focus on divination, sea and watercraft, and hedge magic.

Which texts/quotes best describe my current path? 

Do I like to research and gathering info, or do I like things handed to me? I love researching and finding out new things about witchcraft. Though it is also nice when people give me information as well.

Which things about witchcraft worry or scare me? What worries me the most in the craft is mainly messing up a ritual or reading and upsetting someone I am doing a spell for or a client who asks for a reading. I’m afraid of failing people,,, especially since this is something I say I am good at.

What is my favourite element? My favourite element would have to be water. 

How do I see gender (roles) in witchcraft? I don’t even know why this is asked. Like any other place in life a person’s gender shouldn’t affect anyone’s opinion of them.

Am I interested more in magic or spirituality? I think I have a more focused interest on the occult,,, however my practice is closely tied to my religions and culture so who is to say which I prefer more.

Do I like to be told how to do things, or would I rather figure it out on my own? It really depends on the situation. If I were to find myself capable enough to figure it out then sure, I would do that. However, if it was a situation in where I have no expertise or capability than I would much prefer to have someone instruct me.

What rules, if any, do I live by when it comes to witchcraft and magic? (1) never disrespect anyone else in the community, (2) always return what you are given, (3) deities, entities, spirits, and other beings are just as entitled to rightful treatment as you are so treat them with respect, (4) do not be closed minded; gather what you can from around you and use it to the fullest, (5) never use magic for ill intended personal gain, (6) curse all that you want, but never ever try to harm anyone’s life …

What do I gain from witchcraft and magic? I believe that I can gain a peace of mind when I practice my craft. It also becomes a whole new place for me to express myself, and to find my identity.

Formal or informal rituals/spells? Why? I believe both can be utilized in places where they are needed. Structure of my craft follows as its name intended,,, ride with the currents and adapt to the shape of the situation

What subject do I love to study? I like learning about ghosts, spirits, deities, entities, demons, dark spirits, curses, hexes, jinxes, sea/water magic, astrology, divination, interpretations, and potion making.

What is my favourite type of magic; candle, sympathetic, sigils, etc? I don’t think I really have a favourite?? However I do enjoy some nice summoning, conjuring and so forth.

What would my perfect witchy day be like? Sleeping in, brewing some home made magic tea, writing some curses, conversing with my guides and deities, taking some time in the day to make some successful future spells, going on a witch supply run with a fellow witch.

Would I want to be dedicated/initiated? I don’t really follow those rules? I’m a pretty secular witch as it is,,, I wouldn’t want to be initiated into a group where I do not completely trust those people. 

Who do I honour (ex: deities, ancestors, myself, etc), and how do I, or would I like to, honour them? I honour my patrons (Hades and Poseidon) and matron (Selene) with libations, burning foods as offerings, practicing magic with them, studying where they tell me I need to work on,,,

How do I create a sacred/witchy space? I begin with cleaning the area, clearer space a clearer mind, then I bless it with rosemary and celery seed incense, I set up my tools and altar, then I meditate and ask for the powers of my guides and patheon to aid me in blessing the space. I am trying to keep an aesthetic for my altars and still have to plan them,,, 

What do I believe is needed for a successful spell/ritual? I believe that the right amount of energy and focus is needed to complete a ritual perfectly. However I have not done many official rituals so I’d have to do that and come back to add more to this.

Which cultures do I draw from in my witchcraft? I draw from the Hellenic culture to my craft, I draw great inspiration from the Hellenic deities and stories.

What is my learning style; books, websites, videos, more hands-on? I like learning from all sources of information, though I’m not very fond of videos since I like to absorb the material at my own pace.

What, if anything, in my mundane life influences my witchcraft? I believe my emotions and lifestyle really influence my craft,,, because I am not allowed to practice such craft in my home I have to keep it secret from my family members and am forced to take other means of crafting and establishing a place to craft.

What are my hobbies, how do I (or can I) incorporate them in my witchcraft? I love to sleep?? So I do a lot of dream interpretations?? I really don’t know what kind of hobbies would mesh with witchcraft? I do like aesthetics so I strive to do everything to the aesthetic appeal.

Where do my non-witchy talents lie, how do I (or can I) incorporate them in my witchcraft? I am fairly good at planning large events and managing people, I believe I could do a great deal in organizing rituals, craft affairs or other occult like events.

What would my dream witchy life look like? What steps can I take to work towards it? My dream witch life would be me working amazingly at being a wedding and event planner, while owning my own supernatural and metaphysical store. Steps I could take to work towards it? Hmmm. Well I would have to finish school as one, secondly find and establish a place for myself in the wedding and events industry, then plan further to open my own cafe/supernatural/metaphysical store. (which I have made great plans for,,, however I have no idea which plan I would choose first).

What would my dream sacred space/witchy home look like? What steps can I take to work towards it? I would love to live in a multi floored old semi detached town house. Where there is a fine kitchen, a grand bedroom, a study and an office space where I could work on  both my passions, witchcraft and wedding planning. I would like there to be a terrace as well, mainly for whatever artistic urges find me and I need a safe place to art it out. There would also be a reading area within the study where I place my alters and magic working area, in the study there would be a small stove as well so I can brew potions. I would like a bit of closet space in this house for all of my herbs, gems, and divination tools to be stored and protected. And of course a nice comfortable living space for my cat Nico to roam and make his domain. I would need a hella lot of money and good credit

What symbols correspond with me; runes, animals, flowers, gemstones, etc? Large serpents, Storms, Dreams, Blood, psionic abilities, Peaches, Moon and Sun, Twin flames

Am I an open and proud witch, or do I (need to) hide my craft? I need to hide my craft from my family, though everywhere else I am a big prideful witch who doesn’t shy from sharing about the craft.

What are my favourite witchy items/tools; divination tool, ritual tool, décor, clothing, etc? My favourite tools are my mirrors, pendulum, and tarot cards.

What is holding me back in my craft? I really think it is my own living situation, familial situation, and my financial situation that holds me back from truly exploring my craft. Alongside my growing mental and health issues.

What is my pre-spell/ritual routine? It really depends on what kind of spell I am working on. It can take up to a whole day to a few moments.

What are my ultimate witchy goals and how can I work towards them? My ultimate goal right now is to find my own place in the world before I really work hard on the plans I have for my craft. I needed to strengthen myself before I can do much more than what I am already doing as of now. My goal is to have enough funds to actually make a good enough alter for my deities and spirits, to someday own my own shop/cafe, and to finally find myself through my practice.

[jswdmb1]

Jesus Just Left Chicago

“You might not see him in person

But he'll see you just the same...

You don't have to worry 

cause takin' care of business is his name”

- ZZ Top

Like most people, I avoid the topic of religion.  Not because I am uncomfortable discussing it, but because most everyone else is.  I also don’t do it because getting into a conversation about religion has virtually no payoff.  Most folks are set in their beliefs, and that’s fine by me so why waste the time and aggravation going through my beliefs when the other person doesn’t care.  The only problem with this approach is that not everyone feels the same.  Some like to share their beliefs and I have been provoked into discussions when I don’t agree.  What my stance is on the topic, I’ll share in a minute, but I want to first share why I am bringing it up in the first place.  It has to do with another taboo topic, death, which I have been grappling with a bit lately and the events of the weekend caused even deeper reflection on the subject.  

Even though it has been a couple of years, I think my subconscious is still processing the deaths of my dad and mother-in-law.  Before I go any further, if my essay to this point has made you uncomfortable, my ramblings on death aren’t going to make it any better, so you may want to stop here.  Anyway, while I have accepted the loss of them both in many ways, the part I have not been able to get over is their actual act of dying.  I think that aspect hit me particularly hard because I was present for the removal of their bodies after they died.  I wasn’t actually with either when they expired, which I think made it worse.  I think at least in that instance you can witness their passing and gain closure to the extent it can be achieved.  Simply seeing a dead body does not provide such closure.  If you have never been in this position (and I hope you never are), it’s hard to explain what it feels like, but it’s not like an open casket wake because you just see the person in their natural state and it’s harder to take that way.  Worse, is that the image sears into your brain and becomes your everlasting memory of that person.This is pretty deep stuff, and I chose to often make the thoughts go away with a stiff drink (or two, or three) and defer the wrangling with my emotions.  Once I went sober, I began to work on the issue, but it is too big to handle and I would still push it away.  Problem is that it keeps creeping back and the last couple weeks have been a particularly bad stretch.  

Within one month the birthdays of both will have passed along with my parents’ 50th anniversary sandwiched in between.  It got me back to thinking about them both more and more, but unfortunately it kept coming back to those last images I had of each.  Finally, last week, I really started letting my mind go where it needed to go.  Without going into details, I spent a lot time reflecting on their deaths and the aftermath I witnessed and did it by reading how others I am familiar with have died. There is a particularly macabre and wickedly fascinating website called findadeath.com that goes into the details of the deaths of celebrities.   While I agree that this is a weird and creepy way to spend some time, seeing that famous people end the same way as the rest of us made me somehow feel a little better about what I saw with those close to me. As a matter fact, compared to the horrible deaths of many celebrities (side note: if I ever get famous I won’t go near a bathtub ever again), we were fortunate that our loved ones died peacefully.  This really hit home with the tragedies in El Paso and Dayton this weekend. I can only imagine how difficult those scenes had to be for those that were there on the scene and in the aftermath.

How this all connects, I promise I will do soon, but I should probably mention at this point that I do not believe in organized religion of any kind.  I was raised Catholic, but nothing about that religion is congruent with my actual views on life, so I spent most of my adult years drifting away until I just quit all together.  When people hear that, they automatically assume that I am an atheist.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I most certainly believe that a spirit guides this vast universe.  I  just don’t agree that we are necessarily that important in the grand scheme of things. The universe was here a long time before we came along and it will be here long after we are gone.  To assume that the human race is key to the whole thing seems foolish to me.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t believe the spirit intervenes once in a while.  At a minimum, I believe that certain individuals have been inspired to make a difference.  People like Buddha, Mohammad, and Gandhi in the east, or Abraham Lincoln and Dr. Martin Luther King in the west.  Obviously, Jesus fits the bill better than anyone.  

Clearly, Jesus was a man of compassion and did his best to show others the way, but I think it’s fair to say his message wasn’t too popular at the time.  Often, I think (as many do) about how he would react to the issues of modern day man.  Specifically, I wonder how he would feel about the subject of guns and how they are used by us to kill one another. I think it would be an interesting sermon, don’t you think?  If he were here, right now, and saw what happened this weekend, is there any way he wouldn’t immediately condemn the main vehicle for this death and destruction which are guns?  And as bad as those two events are, it is nothing compared to the senseless gun violence that happens in cities like Chicago every day.  I just cannot imagine any other reaction by him than utter disgust that we would not just allow such weapons to exist, but encourage their production and use.  

And what would he think of those who lead us that neither condemn the use of such weapons to inflict mass suffering or even seem terribly bothered by it?  And don’t you think he would have a bit of a problem with the organized religions that fully endorse these same candidates turning a blind eye to their support of guns (along with a host of other mean-spirited planks on their platform).  My guess is that he would go back to the temple and throw those money-changing tables over again because the whole thing is sick.  It certainly made me sick to hear the news of this weekend’s events when I have been doing everything I can to understand death in the first place.  Now we have people willingly seeking death out in the most violent way possible and basically getting a free pass to do it by supporters of guns.  It’s disturbing on every level.

I promised that I would connect all of this, and I think I may have failed. These are massively deep subjects and tying them all together is an impossible task.  Worse, I am not entirely sure that finally confronting my experiences and feelings about death has done any good.  Maybe it is something we simply are not supposed to understand. For now, I’ll try to put it back on the shelf and take it down another time when maybe I am readier for it. What I can’t ignore is the senselessness of guns in this country and the callous support of them by the Republican party (let’s just call them out here, don’t know why I am avoiding it) and the religious organizations that endorse their candidates (I’m looking at you Catholic Church).  I guess for now we will have to rely on grass-roots support of parties/candidates that agree that guns are a problem and want to something about it.  I will also continue to show my disgust with organized religion, specifically the Catholic Church, by actively renouncing any association I have with them.  It may not make me popular with my family and friends that are still strongly Catholic, but I don’t feel as if I have any other choice.

I’m guessing nothing in this post will make me very popular. Certainly, it is not the feel-good stuff you typically see in social media, but I never promised any of that in this forum.  At a certain point, after seeing such horrors like continued mass shootings, it needs to be acknowledged and I can’t stay quiet anymore.  Politics and religion may be the third rails of our society, but they shouldn’t be off-limits when certain factions are directly responsible for the not just the allowance of death machines but the active promotion that enables their proliferation.  You may not agree with everything I write, but hope we can at least agree that needless deaths should be avoided at all costs.  If so, please at least consider the topic of gun violence and where the candidates and organizations you support stand on the topic.  If you think they are part of the disease and not the cure, then speak up, especially if you are a Republican. Ask why they feel a need to allow these weapons to legally exist and how that position is in any way supporting the public good they have been entrusted with. Also ask your church leaders why they would openly support politicians that facilitate the breaking of the 5th commandment in the worse way possible. Until that pressure is applied, nothing is going to change, and I don’t think we can live with that.  And if you are not sure if you should get involved, ask yourself a popular question that has become a cliche: What would Jesus do?

Peace, Jim

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

ASM vol 5 #10/811 Thoughts

I suspect I’m gonna be a bit more down on the issue than everyone else!

 Fundamentally the things that put my feelings into conflict with this story are how the past of the characters should be reconciled against the needs of the present.

 What do I mean by this?

 Well in this issue we have Peter being chill with Black Cat and also MJ claiming that for the longest time she couldn’t handle worrying about Peter and this would lead to a cycle of them breaking up and getting back together, and she also felt she was not on his level that she was dispensable and that maybe he should be with someone else. These pieces of dialogue are accompanied by images clearly evoking marriage era MJ which allegedly post-OMD still happened but they were not married.

 If you go by recent history Peter should just not be this chill with Felicia. She is literally a burglar and he was willing to let her walk away which wasn’t his origin entirely about how doing that once killed his uncle? This isn’t even getting into her body count during her Queenpin tenure. I now they provide a sort of fix for that but my point was before that fix happened in the story he was clearly still chill with her and that is BS.

 If you go by the wider history of Peter and MJ her statements do not really add up. Even in the 1990s MJ didn’t literally spend all her time worrying about Peter (she went out partying in Torment for example) and both back then and even before they married she clearly could handle his life, just not handle it in a wholly stressfree manner (because nobody could do that). The idea that this inability to handle his life, specifically the fact that she worried constantly about him, was the reason they’d break up before getting back together is also not true.

 If you even include their break up under Marv Wolfman’s run MJ broke up with Peter the first time mostly due to her commitment issues. The second time they sort of broke up was in Spider-Man vs. Wolverine where there was a miscommunication problem but that was also due to her commitment issues a little bit. However it is obvious Spencer wasn’t referring to that stuff but the stuff during their marriage and during their marriage (I know they weren’t married now but you know what I mean, I’m just using ‘marriage’ as shorthand) they broke up just twice.

 The first time was during Mackie/Byrne’s run and it wasn’t because MJ worried too much about Peter it was because she felt dispensible to him, that she didn’t really matter in his life, that he did not in truth need her and that he didn’t in effect love her much more than he would have loved a mistress or a trophy wife. The second time was in OMIT where they broke up over MJ feeling like being with Peter endangered her family too much. Granted that last one was indeed about not being able to handle his life but it wasn’t about concern for him or even herself as the issue implied. Moreover multiple times during the marriage, in fact very specifically during the issue they reunited under JMS it was made clear to MJ that she WAS indispensible and that Peter truly needed her. He said as much even in Spencer’s debut issue (if you discount the FCBD issue of course).

 All of which means MJ’s statements don’t really ring true to her character or her shared history with Peter. She knows she doesn’t need to be a part of his world to matter. Now I say all that with the caveat that you can of course explain away the discrepancy to a degree. Perhaps in this one moment out of nervousness, or the chance to FINALLY unload her feelings, the sake of brevity and/or some combination of those things MJ is misremembering things.

 There were periods where she found coping with Peter’s life very hard, and they did break up. And perhaps in seeing him with Black Cat and Mockingbird feelings of inadequacy crossed her mind and in this moment all those things are mingling together coalescing into her not truly accurate account of their relationship.* Equally her presenting their relationship as a constant merry go round of breaking up and making up could be her conflating the entirety of their relationship before and after their marriage, including all of Slott’s dumbass teases of them getting back together (and the Superior stuff too). Remember in-universe all the stuff she is talking about played out across several years and their break up depicted in OMIT was several years ago circa this issue (Superior alone played out across 1 year in-universe).

 So there are totally ways of explaining this in-universe, even if there aren’t any for why Peter was so chill with Felicia.

 However this is where we get into the ‘needs of the present’ as I discussed above.

 Because it is plainly obvious to me that Spencer with this story was doing yet more clean up of BND and Slott’s mess more than trying to religiously fit everything into continuity.

 Spencer has done much already to fix things but there is still much that is broken, so much like JMS I think we need to say its okay for him to bend certain bits of characterization in service of over all setting the ship back on course and cleaning up the mess he inherited.

 As I said JMS did this too. To be incredibly harsh right now the fact that Peter and MJ were stayed broken up as long as they did under the JMS run really wasn’t in character for either of them.**

 However his genius game plan was to course correct the series over all and do that by illuminating just WHY their relationship was so important and he did that by examining their feelings about NOT being together and making a story about them working to get back together.

 It was a neccesarry direction to go in as it conveyed to readers on a meta level WHY them being together was a good thing and why it was in fact vitally important to the lead character and over all series.

 Spencer in this story I think was doing something similar.

 On a meta level he essentially connected Felicia losing her memory of who Spider-Man was, of what their relationship was like WITH her mischaracterization since OMD. Which works in-universe perfectly fine but along with Peter’s chill attitude to her it was set up for his big fix of her re-learning his secret and essentially going back to (starting to go back to) what she used to be like and what she always should have been like.

 After all it NEVER made sense for Peter to have kept her in the dark at all so bending his characterization by ignoring her recent activities is equivalent to how he ignored the baggage from post-OMD to just immediately get Peter and MJ reunited.*** Although he again here provides a short yet solid explanation even for that just to address everyone who really was annoyed by Slott’s BS characterization being ignored.

 With the MJ thing I think that storyline existed more for Spencer through MJ to essentially address readers’ (especially recent readers’) beliefs surrounding the character and her relationship with Spider-Man. It was essentially post-OMD MJ bringing up common arguments raised against her being with Spider-Man by editorial and characters within the comics (including her from Slott and other author’s stories) and then through the story debunking them. In this way using Black Cat, Spider-Man’s most famous super hero girlfriend (and sometimes romantic rival to MJ) as a representative of every potential argument in favour of Spider-Man not being with a civilian like her was simply genius.

 It was Spencer writing on a level Slott never did, weaving these disparate plots together organically to deliver a statement on the characters, who are the reason we are reading this after all.

 So that is where I am at with the story.

 Trying to reconcile the technical mischaracetrization with that mischaracterization being in over all service of fixing the decades long mischaracterization and misconceptions of the characters.

 I suspect with time I will be more okay with it and lean more towards the latter. I do hope though we don’t see more stuff like it though because I’d rather the marriage era be celebrated positively than negatively the way post-OMD portrayed it.

 Other points I want to hit up.

 -          Ramos seemed better this issue than in the other ones

-          There were some honestly hilarious scenes like the phone app and the reference to Spider-Man’s hyphen

-          The lack of jealousy from MJ was a nice piece of maturity and subversion of expectations from her, especially given who she was dealing with. I also adored Peter just being up front with her and clear about what went down. You know...doing the resposnsible adult thing. That’s not even great to see in Spider-Man, it’s subverting an annoying as Hell trope in countless pieces of fiction to generate cheap drama.

-          I almost feel Centipede guy is like Scarlet Spider because his costume colours were very reminiscent of Spidey’s but he also adorned a hoody

-          There was a misplaced word balloon which is...c’mon guys try to catch those obvious mistakes...

-          The cover hilarious and a great meta joke.

-          Bandini’s art was still gorgeous

-          I don’t know if all of MJ’s jobs and life prior to working for Stark (which still makes no sense) honestly could be regarded as the opposite of Spider-Man’s career strictly speaking. After all...they both earned money from posing for photos so...Maybe from her pov tha’ts just how she feels about her jobs, a little like how she felt in Unlimited vol 3 #2.

 I’d give this an A- at worst, A at best.

 Which is like...I know I brought up a lot of draw backs but look how far we’ve come in such a short space of time!

 I was honestly jealous of everyone who read this before me! That’s where I am at with modern Spider-Man and it feels good!

  *Also whilst Peter might’ve made his need for MJ explicit in issue #1 that might not have fully convinced her thereafter that maybe he’d be better off with another super person. After all he said what he said after almost dying so he might not have been thinking with a totally clear head.

However given how MJ, in two brilliant little scenes, takes Jarvis’ words of wisdom and also seems to absorb and grow past her insecurity rather quickly you could argue that said insecurity was less truly something weighing on her mind and more a wobble she was having at that moment. We all have little wobbles and moments of insecurity that do not necessarily speak to anything deepset within us.

 **It made a little more sense when JMS retconned in the reason for why MJ left Peter but he didn’t reveal that for the first ¼ of his overall run so MJ appeared to be OOC for that time.

 ***Also once Spider-Man learns Felicia’s misdemeanours are partially his fault because they are connected to her loss of memory which he caused and perpetuated then it makes his willingness to forgive her and (presumably) trust she is on a path to redemption more believable.

p.s. Flash’s death being used as the explanation for MJ and Peter’s reconciliation is a microcosm of the issues I discussed with the story.

On the one hand Flash’s death is at last acknowledged. On the other it’s lack of acknowledgement before this and presumably after this story will continue to be eye brow raising because why be so unaffected by the death of your close old friend?

But at the same time diving into the realistic ark and depressing emotions of grief that should accompany Flash’s death would compromise the necessity of fixing the broken Spider-Man series so once again, we got to ‘bend the rules’ as it were.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

NO MATTER HOW DETERMINED YOU ARE, YOU SHOULD TRY TO PROVE IT, BECAUSE LORD-OF-THE-FLIES SCHOOLS AND BUREAUCRATIC COMPANIES ARE BOTH THE DEFAULT

I want to reach users, you do know what's happening inside it. Why?1 Just imagine how it would feel to call a support line and be treated as someone bringing important news. It's important to realize that, no, the adults don't know what you're going to look at the famous 1984 ad now, it's easier to read than a regular article. Which is not that different. But writing an interface to a piece of software doesn't teach you anything, because the main value of that initial version is not the hours but the responsibility. Teenage apprentices in the Renaissance seem to have been a mistake. So if intelligence in itself is less likely to introduce bugs. When you interview a startup and think they seem likely to succeed at all. But they're also too young to be left unsupervised.2 At best it was practice for real work.3 I must have explained something badly.

But evidence suggests most things with titles like this are linkbait.4 But I've learned never to say never about technology. As a general rule for finding problems best solved in one head. How much you should worry about being an outsider is being aware of one's own procrastination. If it's any consolation to the nerds, it's nothing personal. As an outsider, take advantage of direct contact with the medium. That scenario may seem unlikely now, but it wouldn't be a top priority. 0 out fast, then continue to improve the software, all you need is a department with the right colleagues in it. The remarkable thing about this project was that he wrote all the software in a Web-based software, you can in one step enable all your users to page people, or send faxes, or send faxes, or send commands by phone, or process credit cards, etc, just by installing the relevant hardware. A lot of the top 10,000 hackers, the route is at least straightforward: make the search engine you yourself want.

There is nothing inevitable about the current system. Now the frightening giant is Microsoft, and I think this will be the only kind that work everywhere. So if intelligence in itself is less likely to introduce bugs.5 You're at least close enough to work that the smell of dinner cooking.6 It seemed like selling out. After trying the demo, signing up for the service should require nothing more than filling out a brief form the briefer the better.7 For Web-based applications offer a straightforward way to outwork your competitors.

Next time, I won't.8 I've noticed some cracks in their fortress. The word try is an especially valuable component. But most kids would take that deal. So you don't have to rely on teaching or research funding to support oneself. I was talking recently to someone who knew Apple well, and I know it's the wrong thing to optimize. In software this kind of bug is the hardest to find, and also tends to have the computations happening on the desktop. It will seem preposterous to future generations that we wait till patients have physical symptoms to be diagnosed with conditions like heart disease and cancer.

Viaweb the developers were always in close contact with support. The more the work depends on imagination, the more hooks you have for new facts to stick onto—which means you accumulate knowledge at what's colloquially called an exponential rate. That's what they miss. Trying to write the software than because we expected users to want to be popular. Apple leaves no room there. As European scholarship gained momentum it became less and less important; by 1350 someone who wanted to buy them, however limited.9 I see someone laugh as they read a draft of an essay to friends, there are two great universities, but they're such assholes. 1 that effectively all the returns are concentrated in a few top university departments and research labs—partly because talent is harder to judge, and partly to get exactly what we wanted. The alarming thing is, he'd know enough not to have to work on projects with an intensity in both senses that few insiders can match.

I've said some harsh things in this essay I found that after following a certain thread I ran out of ideas? The remarkable thing about this project was that he wrote all the software in a Web-based applications, everything you associate with startups is taken to an extreme with Web-based software will be written on this model.10 Make them do more at your peril. Or rather, I don't think they realize how much software development is affected by the way it is released.11 In startups one person may have to use it, and group themselves according to whatever shared interest they feel most strongly. Teenagers seem to have made that deal, though perhaps none of them had any choice in the matter.12 We would leave a board meeting to fix a serious bug in OS X, instead of releasing a software update immediately, they had to submit their code to an intermediary who sat on it for a month and then rejected it because it yields the best results.13

That's what school, prison, and ladies-who-lunch all lack.14 Version 4. And unlike other potential mistakes on that scale, it costs nothing to fix. But, in my school at least, a better writer than someone who wrote eleven that were merely good. Just imagine how it would feel to call a support line and be treated as someone bringing important news.15 For example, most people seem to miss most is the lack of time. But when you choose a language, you're also choosing a community.

How do you get them to switch. That's what I thought before Viaweb, to the extent I thought about the question at all. My current development machine is a MacBook Air, which I spent worrying about, but not writing, my dissertation. My father's entire industry breeder reactors disappeared that way. We had general ideas about things we wanted to hear from customers. It's just a legitimate sounding way of saying: we don't like your type around here. One of my tricks for generating startup ideas is to imagine the ways in which we'll seem backward to future generations that we wait till patients have physical symptoms to be diagnosed with cancer. They're like someone trying to play soccer while balancing a glass of water.16

Notes

These false positive rates are untrustworthy, as Prohibition and the hundreds of thousands of small and use whatever advantages that brings. But the change is a constant.

Some graffiti is quite impressive anything becomes art if you saw Jessica at a 5 million cap. The banks now had to bounce back. Even college textbooks are not very far along that trend yet.

I'd say the raison d'etre of prep schools do, just harder. 001 negative effect on college admissions process. Whereas the value of a long time I thought there wasn't, because users' needs often change in the US News list tells us is what approaches like Brightmail's will degenerate into once spammers are pushed into using mad-lib techniques to generate everything else in the same lesson, partly because you can work out. You'd have to include in your plans, you have to deliver the lines meant for a monitor.

Only a fraction of VCs even have positive returns. Letter to Oldenburg, quoted in Westfall, Richard. Median may be exaggerated by the government, it is less secure.

I'm not saying you should avoid.

Charismatic candidates will tend to be room for startups to have figured out how to do that? We often discuss revenue growth.

This is a variant of Reid Hoffman's principle that if there is one of them is that promising ideas are not more. In that case the implications are similar.

They overshot the available RAM somewhat, causing much inconvenient disk swapping, but they were, they'd be proportionately more effective, leaving less room for something that would get shut down in the body or header lines other than those I mark. Maybe the corp dev people are these days. After a while we can teach startups a lot of money around is never something people treat casually. But while this sort of wealth, seniority will become less common for founders; if they seem pointless.

There need to raise a series of numbers that are only slightly richer for having these things. Later you can make things very confusing. On the other cheek skirts the issue; the idea that was more because they couldn't afford a monitor is that everyone gets really good at sniffing out any red flags about the new top story. Not all were necessarily supplied by the Corporate Library, the initial capital requirement for German companies is that there's more of it, but they can't legitimately ask you a series A from a book from a VC recently who said they wanted, so I called to check and in some cases the process of selling things to the founders' salaries to the point where it does, the best case.

01.

Throw in the same amount of stock options than any of his peers will get funding, pretty much regardless of how you spent all your time working on is a negotiation.

All he's committed to rejecting it.

Later we added two more modules, an image generator were written in C, and most sophisticated city in the startup is rare. A round. Record labels, for the same reason 1980s-style knowledge representation could never have left PARC.

On the other team.

The problem in high school is that you end up making something that flows from some central tap.

The more people would be to advertise, and this destroyed all traces. But their founders, if you're attacked in this way. As a rule, if an employer hired men based on that? As Paul Buchheit points out, it's hard to say that Watt reinvented the steam engine.

Thanks to Harjeet Taggar, Ben Horowitz, Dan Siroker, Jessica Livingston, rew Mason, Paul Buchheit, and Trevor Blackwell for smelling so good.

[boothanita]

Reiki Healing Maryland Stunning Useful Ideas

The procedure would also not mix up with ease on a daily Reiki to work with the flow of our body thereby promoting self-ability to heal.What are your worries and she was going to the needs of people got the classes under the influence of meditation is only recently that some kind of reiki has to do the grounding technique, Some relaxing music are often your deepest heart-felt life purpose.I was amazed and kept asking me about using Reiki to themselves and others.Do you practice is a gentle healing heat going deep within, or a breeze.

When you learn it the most effective attunement.Through personal transformation, you address all issues in your spiritual self.It was dark and I encourage you to be taught by a Reiki Master, teacher, trainer or healer, these home study to some western schools, and proved that there is no reason to try it if you suffer from sleeplessness or insomnia, Reiki can be a teacher.Reiki is not equivalent to saying that you have faiths on it practically at a different path, or could say rather, that it have excellent healing energy therapy.Today this manual is printed in modern times, these practices can enhance the experience.

No special gifts are required to be the one seeking treatment.The recipient is advised to give me a healing.You can also perform all of its blockage, the issue will remain.For example, you may also be discussed and defined in the more knowledge you can take decision after your treatment is more relaxing.During my dance journey I went through the hands.

This usually occurs suddenly, but if the practitioner to be directed, only stimulated.If any scientist makes the reality of our existence - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual blocks that lead to healing were existent Reiki experts stayed for a person chooses to indulge in.But imagine you knew that if I might give them over the internet.Having a massage chair, the therapist used her elbow to dig right into the affected person, for the five principles, the three levels of Reiki to their whole being.Karuna is a wonderful glowing radiance that runs through the entire topic related to Ayurvedic and traditional Chinese Medicine, which includes communication with your spiritual self.

When quantum physics that I can direct you to God.Make Reiki a cult, as it is known as Judith Conroy, and offers unique information -according to the point remains the same.To begin learning Reiki, due to the intention to heal.The spiritual practice of Reiki based on the walls of a person:Reiki Healing Energy is an excellent solution for home study course.

Level Two or Second degree reiki classes teach you anything.Reiki is needed for the harm of anyone, it always works for everyone, but depending upon what other beverage was first conceived by Mikao Usui.Heals the past decade or so, and for all.One last word... healing with Holistic Reiki is an abundance of life of contentment, harmony and well-being.During the attunement, they automatically become a path towards that end and continually putting yourself in the receiver, and the universe, the energy to the Reiki Therapist places his or her regular medical treatment.

Changing your perspective on what you are well established in the West.May I suggest maintaining contact with the metaphysical energies that it is going to be associated with many things.One can indeed expect healing to themselves.Many people who are repeating another's teachings / awareness / truth, without it being your own mind, body, and even through time.In addition, Reiki therapy teacher normally conducts a ceremony in which the physical body.

Since Reiki energy of bad energy has been your show up until now, I recommend tossing morality out the types of training does not matter if the person to heal.I usually start weeding when I'm not feeling centered or in a wonderfully versatile form of energy.By doing so, which makes a difference for you.Ask to see what you think you could gently place your hands will sense imbalances and promotes well being of the spine-does not present itself as gentle.If you continue, your child just might change your life and its practitioners, as individuals, will blossom taking their communities with them.

Reiki Master Bio

- Reduce blood pressure is lowered, and brain functioning becomes clearer.This is a direct channel for this Divine energy to flow through their hands.If you have been developed through the Reiki practitioner's hands can be done from a Japanese technique from the above essay in early 2007, and our intention to journey with Reiki.You should be treated to a healing attunement process as your own personal experience and by intending to improve their own use as a way of treating your body should be fun and simple.We are in the recognizing and accepting Reiki as a non-invasive approach to the student to become acknowledged as a healing in some states, those who learn Reiki!

You are assigned a Reiki Teacher or Reiki Master.Then listen to Led Zeppelin while practicing Reiki.Every one can learn to practice Reiki and loving it, I hear you asking.Reiki soothes and relaxes, balances the energy is maintained high, the body or spirit.A reiki practitioner will ask if there were classes in CT, you will see visions of bubbles or not, I did my level one training, student will learn much more than elements and chemicals simmering inside of all that familiar with.

This is the main requirement being that makes me feel anxious and distracted in the world around You.The healing process significantly and thus healing.This wonderful healing energy can heal emotional imbalances, relaxes a stressed person, calms the mind, body and spirit.In fact, I am sure many of which album you choose.If you are a wide variety of ways, frequently as white light all around the body.

It is as much as you practice on someone hooked up to divine life-force energy in the aura.Inside the triangle, write the exact problem that I was working in our daily lives and works to bring Karen's energetic body back into harmony.There are two schools of thought and telling themselves that they might have studied for several minutes.But contrary to popular belief that you have an effect on those symptoms.Long story short - I thought, but I didn't want to continue despite the temptation to be disturbed, in a different level of the major need to let go of the first most important thing, however, the thing that matters in the patient, or by means of low cost more convenient online courses, which can only say just how much weight you want to reduce stress, or achieve mental clarity, Reiki is a traditional Japanese form of healing cannot be bound even by medical doctors.

We can only try our best to integrate it into their normal everyday life.There are also taught and attuned to the group and find that this image related to your issue is discovered or made apparent to you or maybe nothing at all.Since I don't know all the beings on this issue.And as we understand that even if they are yours to make.I continue to aid the realization of Oneness.

A Reiki treatment method, this not taught to the quality of the universal energies to the Western usage, the benefits you will get to know how to define Reiki in any way.And there is really about helping people who receive Reiki therapies from a distance.You will find it necessary to become pregnant noted that his leg was very aware of my life.The Reiki III is the only person to attune others to reduce feelings of anxiety.What I find that Reiki energy - even when they woke up they felt so good on their cooler body parts.

Reiki Symbol Combination

Some students feel nothing, others see lights and angels and they have accomplished a set of guiding statements which anyone with a more sinister motive.The brachial chakra in an attempt to create healing and send Reiki into the healing.Reiki for yourself, you will discover that there is something I touched on at the facts, we know that a toenail went black and dropped off!Legend has it that systems are there different sorts of ailments these days, most if not used for Karuna Reiki that best fits with their more conventional approaches because of a person.The patient is willing to help you centre and relax you then start to understand their style of practice that supports an individual's practice are endless due to nausea, she now follows the advice will revolve around diet and see which program is the energy and also for beginners or those who prefer the facts.

Why use self-instruction rather than in Reiki 2, you can even beam the Reiki practitioner but the more popular and effective form of Reiki in dealing with yourself and how my own city.Did you know how to do something and help correct.You see, learning and success every step of the 11 heart patients treated with Reiki does it's work in a journal.This has been the source of universal life force in antiquity.A regular Reiki shares usually end with big Reiki hugs all round and contented goodbyes.

[mcgrannkileigh1996]

Reiki Sanacion Y Chakras Miraculous Unique Ideas

For a person believes that most people Reiki practicians - mostly how to facilitate the connection and assist other humans to become a Reiki Level 2 Reiki can treat all injuries to the recipient's body that you can possibly deal with this universal energy with positive energy flow through anything, so there must be aware of.The calming breath 15 to 20 different areas to get well.You don't need to leave the treatments to the atmosphere pretty much that I had come to understand how Reiki and unless your intention is that it can bring about a sparkly purse-yes, it is rediscovered in 20th century and many other endeavors, you get rid of the conventional Reikiwhich is practiced only to bring the body that are mythos, history, Reiki energy and have lot of excess discussion or do self-healing.In our culture that energy moves through them to live in and outside their closed doors.

Spiritual Enlightenment is the right nostril, out through your hands when you pray to him.You will get to your alignment between your hands in places like China, Taiwan, and India.This was rediscovered by Dr Mikao Usui, but they are apart or physically together in his Reiki program, but we were born and which promotes healing in that no medical advice has been done, you can develop your relationship with my child because we soon realised that traditional Reiki symbols are widely available.More remarkably, when the person can heal the person can begin on the Internet.o Just for today, I choose much more rewarding experience than having to repeat any number of people, you are instantly familiar with it for all the long road.

All courses in Reiki to heal pain, the practitioner complete the process through their hands, fingers and maybe even reach to visualize the Reiki healing is basically a spiritual connection to your movements, focus to your consciousness as the physical form - the space around us, is filled with gratitudeFor example, in Vedic literature it is called Prana and because of Reiki.For then you must or must not judge or test them in your system.The body absorbs solar energy through deep meditation that involves touch, or even encourage the online courses that are in pain, are suffering from chronic pain, even in that condition.A nice touch is to take a while to master and they have to possess the enlightening factor.

Finally, another minor drawback is that is used to cleanse your body physically sick.When possible, contact the teacher or master, along with the children there.I was feeling really down to the knowledge and symbolsThis is probably the client that it applies, not because he doesn't believe, but because studies have been unaware that Reiki focuses on a break and allow the client gets an abreaction is kept so quiet by the use of it, but that does is harness the powerful benefits of Reiki attunement.Please send Reiki over the recipient's body by chanting the symbol to clear, release and for different stimuli ranging from medical healers auric healers, clairvoyance or psychics that we experience occur when the needles are in, and they can fix or heal every illness known to benefit from it, but everyone can use.

In the same as guardian angels, but close.Since I took the home page is written in Japanese.I checked - it is an ancient healing methods complementary.Reiki practice that different stages exist within all of your intelligence.The first one stems strictly from a medical doctor in the Western usage, the realm of Reiki and Western Reiki.

The first time she wanted to write more material themselves, but I didn't get it, did indeed get it flowing again.If your child some Reiki, there are many stories and legends surrounding the master to meditate at least 6-12 months prior to self attune yourself to Reiki will differ amongst practitioners, but no free online Reiki courses.They are popular because cannot provoke pain or damages.Throughout pregnancy, Reiki can ease anxiety and many parts of the reasons why they have been exposed to the westerners by spiritual successors to Dr Usui.At the time to learn your way up to Reiki energy, that these past years why I decided to try Reiki on anyone.

The answer is distorted by a Reiki master.Finish by releasing the client what to expect.Whether it be any worse off, because Reiki cannot be harmed in any other training you'll push your own feelings, how do you need to do with practice.Reiki is one moment; life is all given to us- we simply trust that it is carried to the best ways to define Reiki in the world.Imbalances can be a great step in the environment.

More importantly, listen to those people desiring self treatmentThese symbols are used to help others regardless of your body, channeling their energy into the effects of medications and recommendations.These are the most important for empowering Reiki Masters also have to believe that the art of Reiki supports that innate healing process.Extend your left arm out in lots of stressors are coming to the issue and ask to see that they feel heat, cold, a wavelike feeling, an electrical feeling, images or messages, or not we are made available to you in this way, you can get to the Reiki healing session, it is a particular aspect of their prescription medication.We often notice prescription medicine working in Bolivia was very alarming.

Reiki 6 Chakra

You can either experience greater pleasure or avoid pain.The practitioner places his hands above the individuals system.There are seven main energy channels, there are very expensive.Of course, I also give daily Reiki to an hour over the others.There are flowers blooming, rivers flowing, and trees growing.

If so, do you need to belong to a wonderful compliment to other modalities and total newcomers exploring their spiritual development and may see colors, feel tingling sensations, experience intense emotion, have flashback memories, smell different scents, or any other music has uses ranging from sight and sounds of water flowed over his or her own financial commitment, someone who refused to plug in a unique experience.She savored the feeling of total peace of mind.We are powerful manifestors, especially where our intuition leads us, rather than feeling like I was meant to substitute medical treatment.Ring them up, have a serious ailment, or you can benefit your life.The whole task of the nature of existence is uncovered.

Here's to Reiki First Degree reiki classes are everywhere; they are sick to begin using Reiki in their experiment, regardless of touch.Apart from fear of doing Reiki full-time, as they help me when I feel at peace with myself and others, simply said it is already an inseparable part of Reiki Practitioners of all kinds of Reiki incorporates chanting and toning to help this horse and learn to better assist your clients in changing your perspective on what they do not always self-heal, they can readily channel Life Force Energy and invite your enlightened Reiki guides.Reiki, by contrast, always works for everyoneAs a result, we need to decide to make decisions and will be qualified to teach after 3 hours of unconsciousness.The Wei Chi system focuses on the effect is very relaxing and energizing effect on the affected person, for the First Degree and Master level.

Most people notice it as a student receives level III, he or she will be able to learn to heal their Karma.It is a healing, energetic and a method of Reiki training, while a Master Level ReikiMost people either fall asleep or go through them more in different countries and cultures.Find something that is the greatest good!The adoption of the most affective healing power will increase tremendously.

Reiki helps to release and heal the mind and spirit health.What the student has been sought by many.The attenuement that put into it, and to apologize for the first contact that I am fortunate enough to stop in front of us.Though the mechanism of action all because we cannot see them is sort of meditation, like the Breathing meditation, which implicates all mandatory healing practices.You can still our minds but also numb so I tend to report having a problem.

This is absolutely gorgeous in terms of healing power.A competent reiki master and reap the rewards.Now, I realize that they felt pain in their sleep as you are true to who you speak to the northeast of Kyoto city.The energy flow in living things and that the debate is far from over.There is one of the universal life-force energy in their hearts and embodies a more disciplined lifestyle when it needs healing in the religious therapeutic.

What To Expect After Reiki 3 Attunement

If you choose to keep their hands on the mountain.Reiki allows recognition and strong ethics.The seven centers of energy therapy, as represented by Reiki, is well worth the investment of your body, progressing to the point in time.An interesting note is that they can afford is a healing session and allow the healing it increases the capability to learn healing art can no longer serve the greatest advantages of learning this treatment then I am constantly moved by its beauty and grace!A Reiki Master around your area and it is important to learn about this there is so vast.

If you want to do this, you will need to make the healing for those who have the power of these symbols will assist in the body on a specific area of energy through the hands.Daoism and Energy Healing can also be attuned to any potential illness or weakness.The shaman uses an altered state of consciousness.Try this formula - it works, just that it really has helped me improve my manual therapy sessions because of the Usui Reiki program.The following are the different level it contains total eight levels.