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upon-a-starry-night · 7 months ago

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Christmas Party Panic

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader (No use of y/n)

Ficmas Masterlist Star wars masterlist

Word Count: 7.7k

Summary: Your coworker put you in an uncomfortable situation, so your boss Kylo helps you out. Simple as that.

Or maybe not…

A/n: a small treat to hold you over until I finish the next chapter of While We Dream. ~Starry

~~~~~~~~

The soft hum of Christmas music echoes through the mostly empty office, most people having already gone home for the day. You can’t help but envy them. Aside from you and Rey, there’s only the janitor and… your boss. Kylo Ren. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him leave early—or at all, really. You admired his work ethic, but you also worried for him, although you couldn’t really talk.

You’ve just finished hanging up the last green and red streamers over the break room door when your friend and coworker Rey approaches you. She’s the whole reason you got roped into helping decorate for the Christmas work party, and you’re a little scared of the excited gleam in her eyes as she draws near.

The sound of your name jolts your attention to Rey, and you realize you missed what she said. She huffs but doesn’t seem entirely upset and repeats herself.

“I said, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t tell me you’re bringing someone to the party” Her words take a few moments to register in your head, and you’re about to tell her that you’re definitely not bringing someone, but a reminder of a conversation with your coworker earlier drags a groan from you.

You’d just been taking your lunch break when your male coworker Alvin approached you. It wasn’t uncommon that you’d chat with people during lunch, but you felt uneasy about the look in his eyes when he settled into the seat next to you. He tried making idle chat with you while you scarfed down your sandwich, but eventually he got to the point of his visit.

“So… I haven't heard that you’re bringing anyone to the Christmas party." Your eyes widened at his statement, realizing his intentions in singling you out during lunch. It’s not like this was his first time asking you out, but he never seemed to get the hint. “I’d like to be the one who takes you. Wouldn't want you coming all alone." He laughs so condescendingly you flinch, searching for any way to get out of the awkwardness of 3 hours glued to this prick's hip.

“I uh, actually already have a date.” You lie. It’s the only thing you can think to do in the moment, and it seems to work as he mumbles out some excuse and storms away. You didn’t think he'd go around telling the whole office, especially because you just planned on bringing your sister if she was free. But now here you were with an angry best friend and rumors that you were bringing a date. No doubt all of your coworkers' eyes were going to be on you at that party.

“That’s because…” You start to answer Rey, but movement in the corner of your eyes distracts you, and you turn your head to see Kylo standing from his desk. His tall frame never ceases to surprise you no matter how many times you’ve passed him by and you watch as he slides on his long black coat and grabs his bag.

It was incredibly unfair how good he could make a simple black coat look with his broad shoulders and unique features; it was no surprise he was the object of many of your coworkers affection. He’d set nearly the entire female staff alight when he’d taken over for your old boss just under a year ago, although his quiet and clipped nature seemed to deter most of them…not all of them, though…

Most importantly, you were shocked that he was packing up already. He’s never left early before, but…maybe he was going to meet up with a woman. You heard Christmas hookups were popular these days. Though he didn’t really seem like the type.

Your eyes track him as he shuts his office door, a foggy glass just like the rest of his walls (thank god for blinds), and makes his way towards the two of you. Your eyes catch his, and you smile, sucking in a sharp, involuntary breath as he comes to stand in front of you. His scent invading your senses

“Leaving early today?” The question slips from your tongue. You know he’s not one for much small talk, but he’s not rude enough to ignore you either. He shakes his head, and your eyes are drawn to the long black curls that frame his face, never before noticing how soft they looked. He runs a hand through them, and his eyes dart to the elevator. You hope you aren’t keeping him from something important by making idle chat.

“Stepping out for some coffee” Comes his reply, in a deep baritone voice; it’s a little rough, you’d guess from not speaking much all day- or maybe that’s how it always sounds…

“Ah.” You wrack your brain for a more intelligent reply but come up short. Would it be stupid to tell him to enjoy it? To joke about bringing you some? To make him promise to stay warm in the harsh winter weather outside. You shiver just thinking about it.

Consumed by your thoughts, you fail to notice as Kylo’s eyes drift around the office, taking in the decorations you’ve spent a good couple of hours crafting and hanging. You’re only pulled back to reality when his voice reaches your ears once more.

“It looks good in here.” You try not to preen at the praise. You would hope it looked good; Rey had managed to convince him to put them up a few days early, and she’d forced you into it as her only accomplice. Most of your coworkers had been surprised that he’d said yes to it since most of them assumed he was a Scrooge, but you knew better. He might be quiet and socially inept, but you noticed the coffee he’d buy for everyone during meetings and the extra PTO he gave to your pregnant coworker last month; he was an office worker's dream boss in every way except socializing.

But there had been something bothering you as of late. At the risk of overworking yourself, you’d been staying late to work on a few projects a couple of times a week. It wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle, but it wasn’t like you were enjoying yourself. Sometimes you were there so late that the lights would shut off, and you’d be forced to blink extra hard against the bright blue light of your computer.

But a couple of months ago something peculiar started happening. You would get up to go to the bathroom, and when you came back, there’d be a cup of hot chocolate on your desk, or a light snack, or you'd find your papers neatly organized. And on one very specific occasion, when you dozed off late one night, you awoke half an hour later to a blanket draped over your shoulders.

Each and every time the main suspect to these gifts remained exactly where he’d been, stuffed in his glass box of an office, having looked none the wiser. But there was no other explanation if it wasn’t him, unless the janitor was sweet on you.

You look up at the 60-year-old married man sweeping up practically nothing from the gray carpet flooring. In the few conversations you’ve had with him, he’s used every opportunity to talk about his wife and grandchild that’s on the way. So if it wasn't him that only left… You look back up at the man staring down at you. His face giving nothing away

“Thank you.” It feels like you’re saying it for more than just his compliment, but whether he understands or not, you’re unsure. He just gives you a curt nod and glances down at his watch.

“Will you be here much longer?”

“Oh no, we’re almost done. We’ll probably be gone by the time you’re back. You hallucinate the look of disappointment on his face- at least that’s what you convince yourself, because there was no way your boss would look at you like that. Maybe he was just hoping you’d stay late and do more work.

“Then have a good night.” You nod, and he walks off. When he’s sufficiently out of earshot, Rey slaps you on your arm, and you flinch, turning to see her appalled expression.

“Oh my GOD, what was that?” You’re more than a little confused at her dramatic reaction to such a simple conversation.

“What was what?”

“Um, what was that between you and Kylo? How is this the first time I'm seeing this?” You make your way back over to your desk, packing up your bag and turning off your computer. You were done with the decorations for tonight.

“See what, Rey? I’m not comprehending…” She gives you a flat look; either she doesn’t believe you, or she doesn't believe how ignorant you are.

“You’re not being serious. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that man have a conversation that long that wasn't about work." You shrug; that’s how most of your conversations went with him, and you’d hardly consider it your longest.

“We talk sometimes.”

She’s silent, and you turn from your desk to find her watching you with an expression you can't decipher. “ Is he who you’re bringing to the Christmas party?” You can’t help the jolt your body does.

“W-what? What gave you that impression?” You’re sure you’re blushing and she can definitely tell. She was wrong, but that didn’t stop her words from planting a seed in your head. Going out with Kylo…

“Oh I don’t know, maybe it was the palpable tension between you two, or the way he looked disappointed you were leaving, or the blush you sport every time I bring him up.” Her thoughts stir something dangerous in you- a hope you really shouldn’t encourage, but— “What aren't you telling me?”

You hesitate, wondering if you should tell her about the things you’ve experienced working late or not, but when she fixes you with an expectant gaze, you give in and begin telling her as you step into the elevator together.

“You’re kidding!” You shyly shake your head as Rey grabs your shoulders and maintains an intimidating amount of eye contact. “You’re telling me this man has been secretly showering you with gifts and affection for months, and you haven’t jumped his bones?”

You shove her away from you with a laugh, hiding your blush by chastising her for her inappropriate words, but she just smirks at you.

“I’m just saying, he 100% has a crush on you. And judging by your reaction, I think you have one on him too." You don't bother to deny it, and she cackles. You already thought he was handsome from the moment you met, but now, after experiencing this soft, caring side to him, you can’t help but get flustered every time you think of him. About what it would be like if-

Shaking your head, you let a rueful smile cross your face. “He’s my boss. I can’t”

Rey’s silent for a short while, digesting your words, and you take the time to pointedly avoid thinking about what a relationship with Kylo would feel like.

“You know… you got promoted last year before he even became your boss.” You turn to her, wondering where she's going with this: “I think as long as you don’t suddenly get promoted after you start dating him, no one would care. We’ve worked with you a long time. We all know how hardworking you are.” You swallow the lump in your throat; somehow she always knows what to say to ease your anxiety.

“So you think…” The elevator arrives on the ground floor at the same time your brain arrives at the idea of you and Kylo. Rey grabs your arm and forces you to look at her as the doors slide open, a genuine look in her eyes.

“I think you should ask him out.”

A choking cough draws your attention to outside the elevator doors… where Kylo stands, coffee in hand and a surprised look in his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

That evening replays in your head endlessly for the next couple of days.

Rey was the first one to jump into action when Kylo choked on his coffee, asking if he was alright and patting his back, but even while coughing, his eyes never left yours.

You felt frozen on the spot; you didn’t know how much he’d heard, but judging from the way he was looking at you, he’d probably heard too much. The shocked- almost worried—look in his eyes has been haunting you.

You muttered out a quick apology and practically dragged Rey to the doors, ignoring the soft brush of fingers trying to grasp your wrist.

When you made it outside, you could already feel the lump in your throat, but it was too cold to cry right now. It wasn’t like it was an outright rejection, but… there was a chance he had that look because he was worried you’d ruin your strictly professional relationship by asking him out. Maybe he did those kind things for you because he wanted to be your friend or prove he was a good boss.

So you’ve been avoiding him all week, leaving at the same time as everyone else and taking your lunches outside of work. On top of that, you still have no solution to your problem. You’ve been trying to avoid questions about who you’re bringing, but it’s hard when Alvin seems dead set on asking you every day, and even worse, your sister said she couldn't make it. Now you really had no idea what to do.

Today you got to work early, earlier than even Kylo does, in hopes of avoiding both him and Alvin; unfortunately, the latter must have predicted that you’d be here because the second you step out of the elevator, he’s there. Alvin, in all his coffee-stained, off-white button-up and slacks glory.

He bombards you with questions the second you step out of the elevator, following you all the way to your desk as you place your things down. You thought coming in early would save you, but now you have to deal with this for even longer than usual. Great.

You make your way to the breakroom for coffee, passing under the streamers and trying not to think of the other evening again as the nagging continues.

“C’mon, I know you don’t really have anyone. Just let me take you; I promise to make it worth your while.” You cringe.

“I’m okay, really-”

“I’ll even treat you to dinner.” He practically traps you against the counter, “And maybe we can go to my place and-” His hand is inches from grabbing your shoulder when the voice of God interrupts.

“What are you doing?” Oh no, that wasn’t God, that was-

Alvin turns around, looking more than a little peeved, until he spots the much taller, much more intimidating man. He practically shrinks under Kylo’s gaze, and you have half the mind to laugh if you weren’t also trying to avoid it. For more reason than one.

Kylo’s eyes shift between the two of you, and you watch as he clenches his jaw before sighing.

“I would appreciate it if you could keep personal affairs outside of work hours.” You wouldn’t call Kylo a strict boss; in fact, in comparison to most, he was probably the least traditional. Right now though, you’re more nervous than you’ve ever been.

“We were just talking about the work party, Sir.” You certainly don’t know where Alvin got the gall to argue against Kylo Ren, but you weren’t happy to be roped into it. Kylo seems shocked by Alvin's boldness as well, as he pinches the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes. Clearly not wanting to deal with this situation so early in the morning.

“I need to see you in my office.” At first you assume he’s talking to Alvin, but his eyes are on you. Right. It probably wouldn’t do much good to talk to Alvin; he’d just argue more. So now you were the one who had to deal with the aftermath of Alvin’s insistence.

You only manage to nod your head, following him out of the break room and in the direction of his office. You’re struck between being happy you avoided one confrontation and upset you’re being forced into an even worse one.

You shut his door behind the two of you, standing quietly in the middle of his office, and he rounds his desk, taking off his coat and rolling up his sleeves. It was certainly hotter in the room than it was before. You focus on the stapler on his desk to avoid both his eyes and his forearms. You don’t think you could handle either of them right now.

“I’m so sorry, sir, I tried to tell him I’m not interested, but he keeps approaching me on company time. He just won’t take no for an answer…” Your hands are clenched into fists at your sides, and the air is so tense you could choke. When he doesn’t answer right away, you look up at him to see his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s got this displeased expression on his face. Guess your apology wasn’t enough.

He says your name to get your attention. “If he’s harassing you, you should file a complaint.” Oh. You swallow your nerves. That’s not what you’d been expecting. You thought he was going to reprimand you for loitering in the break room on company time.

“It’s fine…” He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t interrupt. “Alvin just wants to know who I’m bringing to the Christmas party…”

It’s his turn to look surprised, and you guess he hadn’t caught wind of the gossip spreading around the office. Then again, he didn’t talk to anyone enough to hear the gossip. “You’re bringing someone?”

Again, it’s not the question you expect him to ask, but you’re uncomfortable nonetheless. What should you do? Should you tell him the truth or should you lie? It’s not like you had any reason to tell him the truth, but… why did you find yourself wanting to tell him? Maybe it was because he just saved you from an awkward situation. Maybe it was because he’s your boss. Or maybe it was because deep down you trusted him.

All throughout your internal dilemma Kylo just sits there patiently, never prying or getting irate. He just stares at you with those dark, beautiful eyes, snowflakes melting in his soft black hair, and enough charm to make Hallmark movie love interests look like amateurs.

“Actually…” You unclench your fists in favor of twisting your fingers together so you have something to do while you explain your situation to him. When you’re finished, he’s got this really pensive look on his face, leaning his forearms against the edge of his desk as he bites his lip and-

Wow- that really is an exceptional stapler. It must be high quality, bet it staples like nothing you’ve ever stapled before.

“Have you told anyone else?” You shake your head, still avoiding looking at the lower half of his face for no particular reason.

“Good. I’ll be your date then.” His words are like a smack to the face: “If you’re comfortable, of course.”

You blink, pinch yourself, and then blink again. Nothing. “I’m sorry, what?”

He stands from his desk and comes around to stand in front of you, your eyes level with his chest. You can’t bring yourself to look up, and your brain is of no help since it’s switching between a loop of ‘date date date date’ and ‘tall tall tall tall.’

“We’re both going anyway; it would save both of us from the trouble of unwanted questions.” Oh… for a second you thought

“No, I can’t ask that of you, i-” His hands cover yours, and it takes you a second to realize he’s stopping you from your nervous fidgeting. His are so much bigger than yours and surprisingly warm for someone who just came in from the snow. You’re trying not to let all the blood rush to your cheeks by stopping your heart, but it doesn't seem to be working.

He calls your name quietly, and you’re brought from your thoughts back to dark, warm eyes. “ I want to help.”

You sigh in relief, “Thank goodness. Saves me the trouble of hiring a fake date off of Craigslist.

His brows furrow once again, a frown overtaking the slight smile he had started to sport.

“That’s dangerous.”

You shrug. It was your last resort. Plus, isn’t that how all the good rom-coms start out? Maybe Kylo was stopping you from your own hallmark romance by helping you out. You glance down at your hands still engulfed by his, and your breath hitches. Or maybe he was starting one.

You and Kylo don’t have much time to prepare considering the Christmas work party was…tonight. After the two of you finally let go of each other, you sat down to discuss your game plan.

“What if people ask about you being my date? Won’t they think it’s a little weird considering…”

He shrugs, clearly not bothered by the notion of what others might think, but after a few seconds of contemplation, he seems to have found a solution.

“Tell them we’re dating.”

It takes a few seconds for his words to register; your brain short circuits, and your heart stills.

“...Is that… okay?” You swallow. It’s not like you were opposed to the idea of letting everyone believe you pulled him for a little while. Maybe you could even trick yourself into believing it.

“I agree it might raise some suspicion if anyone were to ask, and I don’t think it would hurt to let everyone believe that you and I were together.” If you look hard enough, you think you might spot a light dusting of pink across his cheeks.

If you had a glass of water, you’d do a spit take right about now. There was no way your crush/boss just suggested you fake date while blushing like a teenage boy. You had to be dreaming.

“And your coworker might find it suspicious that you’ve been claiming to have a date but only show up with me after our meeting this morning.” You nod, he would probably call you out on it. “If we claim we’ve been dating for a short while, then we could say that we were discussing our outfits or something.” It’s the most you’ve ever heard the man say at once and you’re a little endeared by his nervous rambling. Who knew the ever intimidating, quiet Kylo Ren could be so…cute.

Still, it's not like you had any plans of refusing his offer.

“Okay. We’ll pretend to date, but just for tonight." You don’t need to add any more fuel to your delusional fantasies.

He nods, and the two of you get to planning out as many of the details as you can before people begin trickling into the office. You’ve got the basics of your meet-cute and slow ascent into a relationship down when the clock chimes, signaling your official start time.

You stand from his desk, stretching a bit and pretending like you don’t see the way his eyes trace the movement. “Oh- people might get suspicious if we don’t hug or anything at the party… Is it okay if we-”

He smiles at you, the kind of smile you’re not used to seeing from him, and it makes your insides go warm. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” You nod and slip out of his office, brain screaming that he said “you” and not “it.” You groan; there was no way you were going to be productive when Kylo Ren had just told you he’d take care of you. In broad daylight, no less.

~~~~~~~~~

You arrive a little early to the office that evening as requested by Rey. Apparently, food was a day-of affair, and you’d been the lucky bastard assigned to pick it up. Rey’s fixing up a few of the decorations that had gotten crooked during the week. Some of these office workers walked through a tinsel-covered doorway like there was a fire on their side.

You take a sip of your punch as your coworkers begin to trickle in, complimenting their attire and making idle chat. Most of the men have come in suits while the women have come in tight-fitting dresses they aren’t usually allowed to wear to work. You’re in the beautiful outfit you bought months ago, and the confidence it gives you makes you stand a little taller. It was either that or the heels.

Your lovely evening comes to a screeching halt, however, when a cocky voice interrupts your current conversation.

“Where’s your date, huh? You know you didn't have to lie just because you didn't want to go with me. That's just embarrassing.” Apparently he’d moved on from wooing you and was now set on embarrassing you instead. Some men just can’t handle rejection maturely. Still, he’d spoken loud enough that some of your coworkers had heard and were now whispering to each other.

You felt like you were in high school all over again. For a minute you considered going home, but you wouldn't let yourself be bullied out of a fun experience by this child.

“I said he’s on his way, Alvin. I know you have a hard time comprehending the word ‘No’ but I didn’t know you struggled so much with the rest of the English language as well." Okay, so being civil has gone completely out of the window. Did someone spike the punch?

You can tell you struck a nerve, and he looks about ready to call you every slur in the book when the elevator dings. Your date stepping out and looking handsome as ever. He shakes the snow from his hair as he stalks over to you, wrapping an arm around your hip and pulling you into his side. The entire office just gapes at you as generic Christmas jingles play through the speakers.

“Sorry I’m late.” He apologizes, bending down to plant a kiss to the top of your head with such ease it would seem like you’ve done this before. So this is what he meant when he said he’d take care of you, huh? You could get used to this.

“I was picking this up.” He hands a paper over to Alvin with satisfaction in his eyes. “Enjoy the party, it will be your last with this department” Gasps and murmurs are heard throughout the office and you think somewhere in there the music stops. Office people really had nothing better to do with their lives. This was probably like a real life soap opera to them.

Alvin scrunches the paper beneath his grip as he reads it over, his fury amplifying tenfold, as evident by his red face and the vein threatening to burst from his forehead. When he looks up, his face is practically murderous as he glares at Kylo Ren.

“I’m being moved to another department?! After everything I’ve done? What’s the reason?”

A smile overtakes Kylo’s face, his eyes crinkling at the sides, and the atmosphere instantly chills. No one’s ever seen Kylo smile, at least not like this. It’s a wicked, cruel, satisfied sneer, completely opposite to the one he gave you in his office this morning. You’d hate to be on the receiving end of this one.

“Harassment.” Is the only reply Kylo offers, and Alvin pales. The nosy coworkers around you whisper amongst themselves, and you watch as all the fight drains out of Alvin, leaving him a sad, embarrassed mess. He doesn’t say another word as he turns and stomps away; the unfortunate people who don’t move out of his way in time get shoulder-checked, and you watch as his reputation crumbles to the ground.

It takes a couple of minutes, but once the rest of the office workers assume that the drama has finished, the music starts back up and the party resumes like nothing had happened. Except for the addition of your date.

Rey walks up beside you moments later, patting you on the shoulder and giving you a proud once-over. “That was beautiful to witness.” You roll your eyes but don’t deny the satisfaction thrumming through you. You handed Kylo the report sometime around noon but you hadn’t expected him to act on it so fast.

As Rey fills Kylo in on what’s been going on at the party, you let your eyes drift over the office. Most people seemed to be having a good time, but there was a group of women across the room who wouldn't stop staring at you- or more specifically, at the pair of you.

As if he reads your mind, Kylo begins rubbing small circles into your hips, a small gesture that threatens to make you melt right here and now. Rey gives you a look but doesn’t comment as she excuses herself to go get punch.

Now that you’re practically alone, Kylo takes the moment to dip his head down to your ear; his face is cold from the snow, and a shiver runs down your spine as his skin nearly makes contact with yours.

“You look stunning.”

Your heart pounds, all of its blood rushing to your face. If you turned your head, your lips would be centimeters from his. But he was your boss, and this was all for show, so you take a deep breath and try to ignore how good it feels when he touches you. How used to it you already are.

“Thank you.” Turning around, you drink in the sight of him. He’s wearing black pants and a black turtleneck, donning a grey trench coat instead of his usual black. His outfit isn’t much different from what he wears daily, but somehow he looks even better than usual. Maybe it was because- at least for tonight- he was yours.

“I see you’re really branching out with your style this evening.” He smirks, and your heart skips a beat. My god, this was going to be a long night.

~~~~~

Kylo held close to you the whole evening, playing the dutiful role of partner and date by bringing you punch and appetizers.

You weren’t allowed to participate in most of the games since you set them up, but that didn’t stop Kylo from trying his hand at a few. It’s safe to say he was not going to be your first pick for partner during game night.

You flinch a little at your own thoughts. All throughout the night you kept picturing what it would be like if he were your actual partner, and it was becoming dangerous. Mostly because of how much you wanted it to happen. You were practically halfway to imagining coming home to him cooking dinner and asking how work was. Which was stupid because you worked at the same place.

Things only got worse when, at some point in the night, the two of you found yourselves caught under the mistletoe. You probably could’ve just walked away considering no one else noticed, but the second Kylo noticed, he tipped your chin up towards him and smiled, sending your stomach into somersaults.

You tried to calm your racing heart, bracing yourself as you felt his warmth inch closer. You shut your eyes and wait for the moment his lips touch yours, but after a while it never comes. His dark chuckle fills the air, and embarrassment floods through you at how desperate you probably looked. Before you can push away from him, however, you feel his nose brush against your cheek, his low voice at your ear.

“The first time I kiss you, I’ll make sure it’s because you ask me to, not because you think I feel obligated by this stupid tradition.” His deep voice whispers, breath warm against your ear. “Not like this.”

He kisses the edge of your jaw, just below your ear, and a shiver runs down your spine. His lips are warm and soft and ever so delicate against your skin.

You want to turn your lips to his, ask him to kiss you, do anything to continue this feeling, but you’re frozen on the spot, your body refusing to move from either shock or disbelief. It’s only a few seconds, but it’s enough time for Kylo to freeze up and pull away, his fists clenching at his sides as his eyes refuse to meet yours.

“I’m sorry.” He barely gives you enough time to process his words before he’s walking away and disappearing into the crowd.

You don’t know what to do, your mind and body at odds, but your heart is desperate to do whatever it takes to have him that close again. It’s the furthest he’s been from you the whole night, and you’re quick to miss the comfort of his touch. But if you went after him, if you asked him for what he’d practically confirmed you both wanted…what would people think?

You had to find Rey.

~~~~~~

You find Rey in the break room-turned-drink-station restocking the hot chocolate bar; all it takes is one look at you for her to immediately rush over, worry evident on her face. You have no idea what you look like right now, but it must be bad enough if Rey’s reacting so strongly.

“What’s wrong? What’s going on? Did Alvin do something?” You softly shake your head, unsure how to start the conversation. There was so much that had happened since this morning, and thinking about all of it was threatening to push you over the edge. Though the biggest issue was the event moments ago that still has your jaw tingling.

“Did Kylo do something?” You stay silent, technically yes, though you weren’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Your heart is screaming, ‘Chase after him and kiss him back!’ but your mind is screaming, ‘He’s your boss! What would people think?’.

Groaning, you dig your head into your hands, the whole situation quickly becoming too much for your poor body. In all your years working here, nothing has stressed you out quite like this.

Unable to hold everything in, you practically word vomit the entire spiel to Rey, starting from this morning in the office and ending with the kiss under the mistletoe. When you’re done, her face is overtaken by shock, and you breathe a breath of relief, glad to no longer have to keep the secret to yourself.

“I just… I don’t know what to do." You admit to Rey after a contemplative silence, and she seems to shake out of her shock as she takes in your distress.

“I don’t know why you’re stressing yourself out so much over something that has such an obvious answer.” Your brow furrows at her words; had she not heard you?

Rey takes one look at your expression and sighs, placing a friendly but firm hand on your shoulder.

“Listen, you’ve got to stop putting these restrictions on yourself based on how you think people will react. Yeah, maybe some people will talk, but who cares? The people who love you will support you no matter what; everyone else? They don’t matter.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, willing yourself not to cry at the words you didn’t know you so desperately needed to hear. She was right. All this time you’d been holding yourself back from something that could make you happy just because other people might not approve. But it wasn’t up to them- this was your life. And you were going to do whatever the hell you damn pleased. And that was your boss, Kylo Ren.

“I’m so stupid,” You grumble as Rey just laughs.

“Maybe. But everyone’s allowed to be a little stupid sometimes." You shove her shoulder, which only spurs her laughter on further, and eventually you can’t help but join in. It feels like an immense weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

When the two of you finally calm down, you pull Rey into a tight hug, thanking her for helping you open your eyes.

“I’m going to go talk to him.” You decide, though you were still nervous about his response, you felt empowered by her words. If you didn’t confess tonight, you’d probably chicken out by tomorrow.

“Well, if you’re going to do something, you better hurry.” She pulls away from you and turns you around. “Looks like he’s leaving.” She points her finger in the direction of the office elevator, and you spot him stepping onto it.

“What?!” Rey just chuckles as you scramble out of the kitchen and into the open office, ducking and weaving your fellow partygoers in an attempt to catch the elevator doors before they close. It’s no use; you’re not going to make it in time, and it doesn’t look like Kylo sees you coming either, clearly lost in his own thoughts as the doors slide shut.

People barely acknowledge you as you rush by, most too drunk to notice you, and you thank God you didn’t have too much to drink; you’d probably never catch up to him with two drunk left feet.

You pivot from your original destination and instead make your way to the stairs. Your office wasn’t too many floors up, so there was a chance you could catch him outside the building if you ran fast enough.

Practically throwing open the stairwell doors, you begin hopping down them two at a time, already losing breath from your game of office-themed subway surfers. The stairwell air is stale as you choke it down in pants; no one ever used the stairs, and thus the air was ripe with dust and unuse.

When you finally make it to the bottom floor, you’re nearly wheezing, but you ignore the weird looks some of the lobby people give you at your frantic state. Obviously confused about why you chose to run down multiple flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator.

Your eyes scan the lobby for Kylo, but there’s no sight of him, so you book it to the front doors, although after those stairs your ‘booking it’ is more like a pained half jog, half limp.

The outside air is a slap in the face, especially when the wind brushes against the sweat that had begun to form on your skin. In your haste, you’d also forgotten to grab your jacket. You knew Rey could always grab it for you, but that wasn’t helpful now. To make matters worse, there was no trace of soft black hair or grey trench coat to be seen.

You whipped your head back and forth to both sides of the city sidewalk, but there was no sight of him. You were too late. Now you were left feeling cold and defeated as you slumped against the side of the building.

You didn’t know if you could work up enough courage to ask him after the holiday break was over. Too much time with your own thoughts tends to convince you of the wrong things. Knowing you missed your chance, you let the harsh winter air bite at your skin as you fight back the tears threatening to emerge.

Until the soft call of your name has your gaze shooting up to see Kylo exiting the building. Your heart virtually flipping with hope. You hadn’t missed him; you’d beaten him to the ground floor.

“Kylo!” You practically shout as he approaches you; you wince, lowering your tone, “Where are you going?” You notice that his eyes refuse to meet yours, instead tracing the outline of your face. You frown. If he notices your disheveled state, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead he seems to contemplate his response.

“I’m leaving,” is all he supplies you with, and you’re more than a little confused, used to the Kylo who engages in at least light small talk with you. Maybe you’d been wrong about his feelings for you… maybe he regret it?

“Why?” Your voice is rough, tired from the race down the stairs and the fight against all the emotions welling up inside you. You bite your lip to keep from saying more, and his eyes flick down to it before quickly looking away.

“I’m sorry,” He starts, and you bite down your questions of why in favor of letting him continue. “I overstepped. I-” He swallows, clearly having a hard time getting his words out. You could practically taste the regret rolling off of him. “To tell you the truth… I couldn't be around you anymore.”

His words are like a slap to the face, harsher than the winter air that nips at your cheeks. You were right. You’d read it all wrong, and now he was going to have to let you down easy. You should’ve just let him go.

“Oh… I see.

He nods. “I tried to ignore it, to keep my distance, but… knowing how it feels to hold you, to touch you, to call you mine for a whole night…” He looks truly wrecked; his voice is rough, and his hair is disheveled, having clearly been nervously brushed through more than once on the ride down here. You’ve never seen him look so vulnerable before, and it breaks your heart. “I’ve spent weeks thinking about you, looking forward to our interactions, taking care of you from afar…”

You bite back the urge to gasp at his admission; your heart flutters at his words as they slowly dawn on you. Your head reeling as it 360s with this new information. Seconds ago you thought he was turning you down, and now it sounded almost like he was… confessing to you.

“And then you confided in me this morning, and I selfishly took it as my chance to get closer to you, to have an excuse to be near you.” He glares at the ground, upset with himself. Although you were surprised to hear his reason went beyond just helping you tonight, you weren’t mad about it; it wasn’t like he did it for a malicious reason. And it helps that you thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.

You open your mouth to tell him as much, but he continues his guilty admittance before you get the chance “You look so good tonight, and you had that look in your eyes under the mistletoe I thought-” He shakes his head, stopping before he reveals too much. “But I overstepped. I was supposed to be here to help you, and instead I let my own selfish desires get in the way.”

You almost want to laugh at his words. Not because they were funny but because it reminded you so much of yourself. He’d clearly had enough time by himself to overthink his actions, although it probably didn’t help that you ran to tell Rey instead of running after him. He’d probably assumed you went to go file a complaint to HR.

The only difference between the two of you was that while you wouldn’t get with him because you were scared to be selfish, he wouldn’t get with you because he was scared he was being too selfish.

“You said it was only for tonight, and I’m okay with that; I just-”

“What if I’m not?” You cut him off, and his head shoots up, eyes meeting yours for the first time since that kiss. You’d never get tired of his eyes, no matter how pained or tired they looked.

“What?” He breathed, his breath coming out in small white puffs as he stared at you in disbelief, unsure if what he heard was real or not.

“What if I want it to be for more than just tonight?” You step closer to him; the warmth radiates off of him in waves, and his scent floods your senses, his eyes tracking your every move with uncertainty.

“Is what you said in there true? That you’d kiss me if I asked you to?” You take another step towards him as his eyes dart to your lips then back up. He swallows hard but dips his head in a short nod, and it’s all the confirmation you need to give you the confidence for what you say next.

“Then this is me asking you to.”

He hesitates, and for a moment you think he’s not going to do it, but then his hands grasp your jaw and pull you in, inches away from him. You catch yourself using your hands on his chest; his breathing is heavy, and you can feel his heart pounding from under his shirt.

He tilts your chin up, searching your eyes for something, and then his lips are pressing against yours. It’s heated and full of want- you feel everything he’s been holding back for the past few months in this kiss. Goosebumps rise on your arms, and you're unsure if it’s from the cold or his touch, but it’s probably the latter.

His lips are soft and warm against the cold snow that falls on your cheeks. He wipes it away with his thumbs, and you lean into the touch.

You think someone across the street cheers, and he pulls back with a laugh. Not the usual chuckle you’re occasionally graced with but a light, breathy laugh that pulls on your heartstrings. You tug him back in for a second kiss, and he’s only surprised for a second before he’s kissing you back with a fever, a kiss far more bruising and desperate than the last.

When he pulls back this time, he licks his lips like he can't get enough of the taste of you, and if you weren’t already gone for him, the sight of him disheveled and panting because of you would surely do it.

The two of you stand there, him cradling your face and looking at you like he can’t believe you’re real until a memory dawns on you.

”I knew that was you leaving gifts for me at my desk!”

He just chuckles and leans his forehead against yours, dipping down to capture your lips again. The cold snow doing nothing against the warmth of his touch.

The cold, the people around you, your coworkers—none of it mattered when he held you. All that mattered was the warm, syrupy feeling of happiness that welled up inside of you and the man trying to kiss you until you passed out.

Thank God for office Christmas parties.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed it! feel free to leave a comment. Happy Holidays everyone! ~Starry

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fishnapple · 5 months ago

Text

What attractive about you

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost Book a reading with me - KO-FI (→ personal reading)

AVENTURINE

You have an emotional intensity that can elicit fear and awe at the same time. Some people might be too intimidated by you, not because you're loud and aggressive, but they're intimidated by the emotional storms that are brewing in you, yet you appear utterly calm, like the eye of the storm. They would wonder what it would be like to get dragged into it, to be swept off their feet. Your bravery and serenity are like wings that let you soar high or plunge down to any depth. You are a dichotomy of light and darkness. Like a solar eclipse or bright starry night.

I think you have a certain inclination or feel a pull towards the painful and ugly sides of humans. You want to stare them in the eyes, crush them, rise above them, conquer them. It's very daring and methodological at the same time. People would feel that they can be an utter mess in front of you, you won't shoo away the ugliness of their heart, but you hold it in your hands and transform it. They know that you're not invincible, that you have wounds just like everybody else. But you always look up, beyond any prison that humans subject themselves to. Many people would have their lives changed by you, just by being in your life.

But you're not just intensity alone, you also carry lightness. You can be cut throat and ruthless in one setting, but generous and merry in another. Your mind is full of magical stories, fairy tales that span far into the future. You keep your daydreams to yourself and only reveal them at the most unexpected moment. Render every witness speechless and in awe. That rare moment of tenderness will haunt people's minds, making them seek for more. Your silence acts as a backdrop for the twinkle in your eyes. Your apparent simplicity in the way of life is the sign of devotion to only things that are meaningful.

ROSE QUARTZ

This might sound weird but it's your nervous energy, when you're worried or anxious about something, when you're being fussy. This seems oddly adorable or cute to some people. You might be a worrywart, who tends to speak a little faster when you're nervous. This rouses the desire to calm you down in other people.

Your calm state is also very attractive because you're being present, you know how to enjoy the small things, to appreciate the sensory pleasure of the five senses. When you're worried, you can forget about this energy for a while, but once you've calmed down and regained your serenity, you're very soothing. Like a lake regaining its smooth shining surface after being disturbed by the rain. With your appreciation for the five senses, you have a talent for handcrafts, anything that requires the skills of hands and good eyes for aesthetics. When you're set about organising something, you do it with great efficiency and tact that one can't help but exclaim 'flawless'. Maybe that's why you're prone to nervousness, because you're such a perfectionist and people around you love that energy so much.

When you speak, you deliver a message, not empty words that can be ignored. When you're passionate about something, you can be very fluent and persuasive, like a wise teacher. The things you choose to pursue might seem too daring or shocking to some, but you're steadfast in your track and unknowingly get a few followers along the way.

RED JASPER

Right away, people can see your ambitions, to go far in life. This group is quite masculine in energy, very lively and energetic. A lot of people would find you very attractive when you assert your will, when you go after what you want without any fear or reservation, like a warrior, a pioneer. But you're no fool, you don't charge forward blindly, there's strategy in your moves, like a hunter. When it translates to romantic situations, they wonder what it would be like to be pursued by you, to be the target of your desire. Only the brave can rise up to meet your challenge. So I think you also attract masculine people. Those who are equally strong and ambitious.

You're also very attractive when you're protecting something or someone. When you show your compassionate side, for a cause, a greater goal. You show your support by concrete actions that get results, not just comforting gestures. You have a fierce love for the underdog, the weak, the unfortunate.

Your vision of a better world can be your greatest motivator. You live your life with idealistic visions, but you don't just dream, you also do. Your appeal is the power you wield, over yourself and your surroundings. You're willing to work hard, as long as you deem it necessary. Maybe you're a touch workaholic, but you work towards a goal, not just a mindless grind. The sense of direction is very clear. If you believe in past lives, you can say that in the past, you were a soft, passive person who relied on others for support. But in this present, you're your own power, your own supporter. This independent energy is very attractive.

A little random thing, you might have a favourite comfort food that others find very endearing. It adds a touch of softness and joyful air to your otherwise strong energy.

TIGER'S EYE

You're the kind of person who people would want to have in any community. You can be a people magnet without realising it, without any conscious effort, maybe the only conscious effort that you have is to be yourself, to live life authentically. You attract people simply by being yourself. Your light is very visible, the natural confidence is vibrating through the air.

You're disciplined and responsible, but you're also gentle and kind. You're confident, but you also encourage the same attitude in people. People can feel that you would make a good parent, a good friend, a good neighbour. You're caring and want to protect and help people, but you do it with practicality. You don't just offer empty words, you back them up with actions. Being with you is both safe and inspiring. You inspire others to take more care of themselves, to stand up for themselves, you help people become more independent and come into their own powers. All these just through you chasing your own path. You have a strong sense of purpose, the person you believe in the most is yourself, and that makes people want to believe in you too, even when you haven't achieved your dreams yet.

Talking with you is never boring. You can tell the most silly jokes, you can recount the most bizarre adventures, you can recite the most romantic poem or muse some really intense thoughts that surprise people. But you're also an avid listener, you listen with intensity, with childlike curiosity, you can even weep along the story, feel the pain and happiness behind every word. You make people feel heard and give them the compassion that is rare to find.

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