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marshmallow-phd · 1 year ago

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A Manor of Shadow and Blood

Genre: Regency Gothic AU

Pairing: EXO x Reader

Summary: A stormy night brought you to the manor in the middle of the woods. Nine strange men occupied its halls. They won’t let you leave. A dangerous secret haunts this estate. Learning it might either be your saving grace or it could lead to the last breath you ever take.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5

The grand hall was lit as bright as midday. Every surface was polished to perfection, reflecting the candlelight at a greater force. Brilliant brass and gold surrounded you as you made your way through the dancing couples, their movements in perfect sync. Wrapped in each other's arms, they spin around without a care for your wandering presence.

While all who surrounded you were decorated in blacks and whites, your own dress was the color of freshly spilled blood. The heavy skirts that hug from your waist made it difficult to navigate the ballroom. Their fullness was of an older fashion, one that maybe your grandmother would have worn in her youth. The dropped shoulders left you exposed, your skin chilled despite the amount of bodies in here.

You kept navigating the dance floor, on the look out for something, though you didn’t know what. Then you felt the familiar burn of eyes boring into your back, which sent a shiver down your spine. You whirled around to find the source, the dress brushing at your feet with the sudden motion. Through the crowd, you spotted Baekhyun leaning against the wall. With a single finger, he beckoned you over. And you obeyed.

Breaking through the sea of dancers, you took in his elegant suit, the hems lined with gold thread that shimmered against black velvet.

"You shouldn't dance alone," he purred. Arms crossed over his chest, he smirked at you with a grin even the devil wouldn't wear.

"I have no partner," you retorted. He held out a lazy hard. Hardly the romantic gesture. "No, thank you."

"How about me?" asked a sweet voice in your ear.

You turned your head to find Junmyeon at your back. He laid a soft hand on your hip to keep you from escaping out of propriety. When you didn’t shove him away, the hand slyly moved to your stomach, pulling your bare shoulder blades into his chest. With the fingers of his left hand, he tilted your chin towards him.

"Am I a suitable partner?"

No answer passed your lips. You could think of nothing to say. The thought of him twirling you around the dance floor was not… unpleasant.

Junmyeon neither needed nor cared for a reply. He dipped his head to your shoulder and pressed a kiss to the skin. A small gasp passed your lips. And then he pressed another. More and more as he climbed up the curve of your neck. Heat rose from every inch of you as you sighed into the affectionate touches. You relaxed into his touch, welcoming each new contact of his lips.

"It's rude not to share, Junmyeon.”

Your attention snapped back to Baekhyun, who you had forgotten was there. He pushed himself off the wall and stepped closer to you so he stood in front of the minor.

No, not a mirror. There was no reflection.

Except… there was. The mirror reflected the floor, the ceiling, the candlelight. You.

But not Baekhyun. Not Junmyeon. And not the dancers still spinning behind you.

Fingers snaked through your hair and pulled your head back, your vulnerable neck exposed. From the gallery above, Kyungsoo watched as elongated fangs flashed behind Junmyeon’s lips and plunged into your neck.

*****

You woke with a start, the blanket flying off of you as you sat up in a fury. Sweet drenched every pore of your skin. Your day old dress clung to your skin in a way that felt suffocating. Each breath was a struggle for your lungs.

Vampires. The nightmarish tale that had kept you up as a child until you were convinced they weren't real turned out to be true. But how could they be real?

Creatures of the night. Blood drinkers. Horror stories meant to keep children from wandering about after dark.

Curling your legs to your chest and encasing them in your arms, you tried to think of a way out. To escape. With what strength you possessed, you slid off the bed and walked over to the window. The sun, so bright and full of life, was just beginning its descent towards the horizon. Night–their domain–was hours away. If the legends were true, then they would all be asleep at this moment. Any risk that was to be taken had to be taken now.

After changing into a sturdier dress, you retrieved your still mud-covered boots and, keeping them in one hand, you carefully pushed away the pathetic barrier and snuck out of the room.

Each step was taken with unmatched caution. You tested every board with your foot before fully committing. Any squeak of a floor or stumble down a stair could alert them to your escape. But by the grace of a miracle, you made it to the front door. Fingers trembling, you pulled on the boots and tied up the laces before opening the door only wide enough for you to slink through.

The next breath taken outside was like the first breath of life. But there was no time to take it in.

Gathering your skirts in your grip, you took off into the trees. The dirt was dry and sturdy under your feet. Branches and leaves crunched with the weight of your boots. A lady’s delicacy was out of the question as you ran without abandon. You didn't know what direction you were running. But vampires needed blood to survive and they weren’t drinking yours. And Jongdae had brought those buns from a bakery, not their own kitchen. You doubted any of them knew how to cook. That meant a village or town had to be nearby. Junmyeon had lied about the isolation of the manor. If you just kept going, you could find freedom.

However, your stamina was running out. This was never your preferred activity. Your lungs and throat burned in an unfamiliar way. The sun still shined above. A short respite could be spared.

You leaned against a tree trunk for support. In your boots your feet pulsed. Only now did you realize that you had run away without food or water. Not knowing where the kitchen was located, you didn't have time to waste on it. You could survive, you told yourself. Just a little farther. The town couldn’t be too far. Unless you were headed in the wrong direction.

A rustling rippled through the silent forest. You snapped to attention, trying to find the source.

“The wind,” you gasped between ragged breaths. “It had to be the wind.”

A low, rumbling growl said it wasn't wind.

In the distance, large silhouettes emerged. Wolves. Nearly a dozen of them.

You ran as fast as your crying legs could take you. With their superior nature built for the hunt, the wolves caught up to you within seconds. Their growls and howls grew louder and more threatening behind you. Running from the manor had been easy. Running from the wolves was to be your end.

Powerful paws slammed into your back. You were thrown to the ground, rolling across the ground as a scream ripped at your throat. The momentum stopped you on your stomach. Hair covered your face, but you could still see your death through the strands.

Wolves of gray and black gathered in a half moon circle. They had their prey in perfect position. The middle wolf pounced. All you had time to do was throw up your arms to protect your face. Claws raked across your forearm. Another scream echoed through the merciless trees. The wolf landed on the other side of you with pride. Now you were surrounded. A second wolf leapt.

A blur appeared in front of you and collided with the wolf midair. The two bodies tumbled across the forest floor. A human and the wolf.

Not a human.

Chanyeol. The wolf trapped within his grasp, Chanyeol tightened his grip–

Crack.

The wolf fell limply to the ground, its tongue hanging from its jaw.

The others appeared seconds later. Not understanding what they were up against, the wolves let you go to attack the newest threat.

"Are you alright?" Junmyeon knelt down in front of you. His hands were outstretched as if you were the wild animal on the verge of attack. Behind him, snarls and whimpers told of the fight–and who was winning. Despite not answering him, he caught sight of your bleeding arm. "We need to get back to the manor."

He didn't ask permission before picking you up into his arms and sprinting through the forest. Everything blurred past you, your loose hair whipping at your face. He burst through the manor doors and didn't stop until he was able to set you down in the largest chair. Once you were safe, he fell to his knees, only his palms keeping him upright. The others soon stumbled in behind him, heaving and collapsing onto the floor. Only then did you notice the smoke floating up from each of their backs. Patches of burnt, red skin sizzled on their knuckles and faces. Anything that had been exposed to the sun.

"Baekhyun," Junmyeon gasped.

"I already have it." Kyungsoo came into the parlor with bottles stacked in his arms. He quickly passed them around, waiting until the others were quenching their thirst before pulling the cork out of his own bottle and chugging the contents.

With his bottle empty, Junmyeon tossed it to the side and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. Red smears stained the ivory fabric. You shrank back in the chair as he turned towards you.

"What hell were you thinking!" He growled. "I warned you about the wolves!"

"Junmyeon, she's shaken up enough," Jongdae defended. Before your eyes, his burnt skin healed to be like new.

"She could have been killed!"

Your head was pounding. He was… concerned about your life? The legends said that the sun was a vampire's deadliest enemy. It was why they thrived in the darkness. But they had all risked a final death to come after you.

"Did you hear me scream?" you whispered. You could barely feel your own lips moving. All heads tuned to you.

Yixing was the one to answer. "Yes. We all heard you."

"Why were you out there?" Sehun asked aggressively.

You sucked in a sharp breath. There was no escaping the truth now. You stared at Jongdae. "I figured it out.”

Baekhyun laughed. "At least we don't have to walk around delicately anymore."

"When exactly did you do so?" Minseok mocked.

"Then you should remember what I said to you before was true. Harm would not come to you within these walls." Junmyeon crouched down next to the chair. His eyes... there was something behind the darkness that tugged at your still wildly beating heart. "I know you were running away. And if you're desperate to get away enough to get yourself killed, then the choice can be yours. We can send you on your way with every provision. Or," he cleared his throat, "you stay here. With us."

A choice? He was giving you a choice?

Your gaze drifted over the faces that stared back at you. Even Kyungsoo refused to look away while he waited. There was almost a plea in his expression, a subtle beg. But was it to stay? Or for you to run as far away as possible?

Junmeyon took your attention away when he picked up your wounded arm with delicate fingers. His pleading was much more clear.

To leave would be the better choice. The more sane choice. But what would happen afterwards? You could claim being lost in the woods. With evidence of the carriage and the missing driver, what else could they believe? After a few days on bed rest, you would be back by your aunt's side, following her every whim. Including indulging her on a "perfectly adequate" suitor because you had no other option, no other path. That suitor who would then become your future. But you didn't want it. You refused to give in to it.

Already within these few days, you were… changed in a way. They might not be human, but these men would forever be burned into your memory. Who could move you with music the way Chanyeol had? What silent strength could match the aura of Junmyeon? You had been promised that none of them would harm you. The chance for something extraordinary was right in front of you. The kind of chance you had only read about. It just had to be taken.

"I think… I think I want to stay."

*****

The moon became an ever changing friend. You hardly saw the sun anymore. Like the men you had given yourself over to, you lived under the stars. It was oddly beautiful. This time was often forgotten about by you and many others. The night was only a background to your time within your dreams. But now it was your entire world.

Every evening, you awoke to the dying orange light of the day. Breakfast always waited for you outside the door. It was the rule that no one broke; none could enter your room without explicit permission from you. Those walls remained your safe haven when things grew too overwhelming.

Despite your decision to stay, discovering that other creatures walked the earth required a step away once in a while. Especially now, with you aware of their true nature, the men were refusing to hold back.

Dropping from the roof, running around with spectacular speed, and lifting objects that ten men couldn't hold. It was remarkable. Except for the diet and inability to walk in the sun, the… condition seemed more like a blessing.

"You're rather thoughtful this evening,” Jongdae commented. He walked beside you like he did every twilight.

After you finished your breakfast, you met Jongae at the front doors to go on a walk around the manor grounds. Often others would join you as well. Junmyeon was the most frequent, though Yixing, Changed, and Jongin made many appearances over the past week and a half. Boundaries were constantly tested, but one word from you and they retreated.

"I guess you could say I am thoughtful tonight," you finally sighed. You hadn’t realized that you were being so obviously quiet. Funny, since you would have thought Jongdae would enjoy the silence. You typically had many questions or comments of your own to make.

"Should I go steal a penny from Sehun?"

You laughed. "I'd like to think my thoughts are worth more than a single penny.”

"They must be if you've become so skilled in deflecting from them." He crossed over to block your path. Gaze narrowed, he studied your carefully guarded expression. "What are you thinking about so hard? Regretting your decision to stay already?"

"No," you insisted. "Not at all."

He raised an eyebrow that simply asked, "Then what?"

"Do you always stay here?" you countered. "At the manor, I mean."

"We travel," Jongdae answered with a nod. "Not too often. It’s a bit difficult, you see."

"But we like traveling north.” Minseok dropped from who-knew-where, landing with barely bent knees and hands folded behind his back. "In the winter, the night lasts longer. Junmyeon has a small hunting lodge up there.

A hunting lodge? "Then why do you stay here?"

Minsoek shrugged. "This manor is bigger."

"Having nine of us in one household can be a bit volatile,” Jongdae added. He stepped aside to continue the stroll. "We need the room to separate so we don't level a building."

Your foot caught on an invisible lump in the grass. "You could destroy a building while fighting?"

Minseok snickered as he caught your stumble and helped steady your stance. His hand lingered at your waist until your sharpened glare made him remove it. "We haven’t crumbled a wall in a few years."

You scoffed at the casual tone. "What sort of fight caused that?"

"I can't remember." Minseok leaned forward slightly to look at Jongdae for help. But he didn't seem to recall either.

"Who knows what started it between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.”

Your mouth dropped open in shock. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had fought over something to the point of destroying a wall to crumble? It didn't feel plausible. Neither seemed like the hot-headed sort. You wanted to know the igniting incident so desperately.

Both Jongdae and Minseok suddenly whipped their heads towards the front of the manor.

"What is it?" you asked when neither offered an explanation.

"Junmyeon's calling for us." Jongdae scooped you up into his arms without warning. At your confused expression, he explained, "We're not leaving you alone out here." Remember your last adventure in the woods lingered in the silence.

The short lived wind whipped at your hair that you still wore loose to cover your neck. As soon as he stopped running, you wiggled out of his arms to be back on your feet. Everyone else was already gathered just outside the door. Several eyed you and Jongdae with suspicious and annoyed glares. You took a step away from him for some separation.

Clearing his throat, Junmyeon called everyone to attention. "We have to go hunting–real hunting. Now, normally, we all go together, but now that we have our guest," he nodded towards you, "some will have to stay behind with her until the first party… comes back."

"If you all need to go,” you couldn't quite speak the word feed, "then I'll be alright. For a few hours, at least." You weren't sure how long this excursion would take.

Junmyeon's features softened. "No. We'll go in groups. Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Minseok and I will go first. We shouldn't be gone long." He reached out and patted the top of your head before disappearing into the trees. Kyungsoo gave no goodbye as he followed suit. The last two playfully shoved each other while taking off.

"Come." Yixing took hold of your hand and started pulling you inside. "I want to show you something."

"But–" You had wanted to ask Jongdae a question, but the traitor was already gone, off somewhere to do something he would never tell you about. So, you let Yixing take you into the manor and up the main staircase at the end of the hallway. At least he let you stay on your own feet instead of insisting on going at his speed.

Going down an unfamiliar hallway, you were reminded how big this place was and how much you still had to explore. The men occupied most of your time, vying for your attention and pulling you this way and that so you didn’t have much time on your own. It was odd and overwhelming at times.

During your seasons in town, you were hardly a well-sought after prize. There were prettier girls with grander dowries. You had accepted that fact. Now you were the center of a courting dance to which you knew none of the steps and possessed endless partners.

Yixing paused in front of a door that looked identical to all the others. He kept his fingers tight around yours as he slowly turned the knob with his free hand. The door swung open.

The gasp inhaled through your parted lips wasn't enough to convey your awe.

Maps of all the places you'd heard of and dozens more you hadn't covered the walls like homemade wallpaper. Slipping out of Yixing's grip, you walked further into the study, spinning slowly around to take it all in. The maps were varying degrees of tan, some as light as his skin, others as dark as animal leather.

Instead of bookshelves, doorless cabinets waist high lined three of the walls. Their squared shelves were stuffed full of parchment and ink and quills. A lone sketcher's desk sat in the middle, an unfinished drawing laying against the tilted surface.

"What is this place?"

"It's my personal study," Yixing answered as he laid a hand on the edge of the desk. "Kyungsoo gave it to me after I had accidentally taken over one of the parlors."

Your awe increased ten-fold. Your initial assumption was that he was a collector, not the original artist. "You drew all of these?"

He nodded almost... shyly. "I did. I was a cartographer. Before."

"Before?" You understood what he meant, but you didn't know how to ask for the story.

Turning his eyes to the parchment, he pinched it between his fingers. "I didn't just love traveling. I loved capturing it on paper. I wanted to make these places into art, but not like every other painting. I wanted them to be perfect. Exact replicas as if you were staying at them from God’s point of view. And I wanted to be the best. I couldn't be, though. I wasn’t good enough."

You moved closer to him, entranced in the story. "What happened?"

A rueful smile tightened at his lips. "I was given a chance to become perfect. What I didn't know was that I traded everyone knowing my maps for the talent to make it happen." Sorrow rolled from him like the tide warning of an oncoming storm.

Feeling the pull to comfort him, you reached out and covered his fidgeting hand with your own steady fingers.

"People will be able to know your work some day," you whispered. "I’m sure of it."

Perhaps you had been a bit too forward, a bit too open.

Yixing moved gracefully forward to eliminate most of the space between you. A smooth thumb that once must have been calloused when it was human caressed the edge of your jaw. His flickering eyes made intentions obvious.

Clearing your throat, you stepped out of the touch. "Why isn't this one finished?" You pointed to the drawing on the desk. It was an aerial view of the manor, with the top half of the parchment containing the beginning edges of the garden hedges. Disappointed, Yixing sighed and went along with your distraction.

"I'm still working out the maze. It is intricate. Much more than I was prepared for."

"Goodness." You were thankful that you hadn't wandered in there yet, especially on your own.

"Yixing.”

Both of you turned towards the door to find Sehun standing under the frame.

"Yes, Sehun?" Yixing said through somewhat gritted teeth. The young vampire wasn't phased.

"I need to speak with you."

"Fine." None of you moved.

Sehun looked at you with a pointed glare.

You received the hint loud and clear. "I'll leave you, then.”

With more relief than you cared to admit, you scurried out of the room and down the hallway.

Around the corner, you pressed your back against the wall and forced yourself to take deep breaths that filled your lungs to capacity. Panic had been the response at Yixing's closeness. You didn't mean for that to be the response. You didn't want to be closed off to any of them. But you couldn't help it. Maybe it was merely the closeness of the situation.

Giving yourself a small amount of grace, you pushed off the wall and made your way downstairs. So used to your time being absorbed by the men that you weren't sure what to do with yourself. Two of the ones that remained behind were currently occupied. As for the three others, they could have been anywhere.

You wandered around the main floor with a fleeting hope that one would come to find you. Then you saw them. A row of grand doors evenly spaced along the north wall called you forward.

The grand ballroom took your breath away. Not so dissimilar to the one in your dream, though this one’s lack of warmth and light left you heartbroken. Memories of dancing figures and lively music haunted these walls. In the corner, you could imagine a small orchestra strumming their instruments in delight.

You walked to the center where dozens of pairs used to twirl and bow and embrace each other in time with the melody. Ghostly laughter echoed in your ears. What had once been bright and golden and full of life was dull, dark, and covered in cobwebs that swayed in the breeze of unknown origin.

Glancing around, you confirmed that you were truly alone before closing your eyes, lifting your arms, and began a soft hum.

You danced with an invisible partner in the fashion that your grandfather had taught you as a small child. It was more intimate than the choreographed dances currently popularized. You had always imagined your first ball like this, instead of the disappointment you really experienced. You had pictured a boy you didn’t know catching your eye. As the music was struck up, he laid a hand on your waist.

Just like now.

Hm. Your imagination was running wild, even pretending the weight of a palm was there on your lower back. And now in your lifted left hand.

No. That wasn’t your imagination.

Your eyes snapped open.

Jongin had taken the place of your imagined partner. He smiled down at you with a feline smirk as his hands tightened around you, refusing to let you slip away. There was no choice in leaving this musicless dance. You had stopped humming but he continued to whirl you around the marble floor. He controlled the dance, in charge of every step. He led with an expertise he shouldn’t have possessed–if he were a man of this age.

In one final move, he slipped his arm fully around your waist, pulling you so close that no room remained between you. Without breaking the spin, he lifted you from the floor as if you were no more than a kitten and whirled you around like the heroine from your favorite novel.

When the spin came to a close, he set you back on your feet, but didn’t let go. Your lungs heaved from the exercise–and from the way your bodies pressed together. Each rise of your chest brought you even closer to Jongin. He kept your gaze like a stablehand trying to calm a wild horse. His right hand slipped from your fingers, softly tracing the delicate inside of your arm. The touch left behind a fire you couldn’t explain. A cold, simmering fire.

He cupped your jaw as his eyes drifted down to your lips. This was a different reaction to Yixing’s wandering gaze. Not panic, but something similar.

Jongin held you in place as he leaned down, his lips pressing gently into the corner of yours. The thin breath in your lungs hitched. He lifted his lips only to find a new patch of skin. The delicate skin covering your pulse. Every muscle in your body froze. He kissed the skin softly. Surely, he could feel the race of your blood.

“Whenever you need a partner,” he said in a hush against your neck, “just whisper my name.”

And then, he was gone.

You stared off at the empty path left behind Jongin. The sheer hubris.

His name lingered on your lips, wondering if he would really come back like he said. But you kept the whisper inside and left the ballroom just the same.

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exols-silver-christmas · 8 months ago

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So I can't be the only one who's noticed the decline in fanmade exo content here on Tumblr. We've gone from a fandom who's new posts could be measured in hours to a fandom who's posts have days....to weeks....to months....to even years for some specific tags.

We have had 6 solo album comebacks this year, 3 fancon tours, 2 solo concert tours, a myriad of festival concert appearances, youtube videos, magazine shoots, instalives, etc. Yet if you go to the exo tag it's mainly populated by archive blogs. And the nude bots, which....that's a whole other problem on its own. I digress. My point being, the tags, at least from what I've seen (I admit I haven't looked into the shipping tags) are being filled by the same handful of blogs yet given the high amount of source material, no one seems to be doing anything with it beyond archiving it.

Again this could just be because I didn't delve too deep or too far back, but it does have me wondering if part of the reason participation this year was down was simply because there's hardly anyone left.

There's been instances in the past where others have attempted to inject new life into the fandom so to speak, with....varying...level of success. The exo revival project being the first and most successful that comes to mind. I'm wondering what everyone else's thoughts are on the matter and if holding new fandom events might be a way to involve more people year round because I really do want to continue holding this event next year but if things keep going the way they have been there won't be anyone signing up.

Let me know what you think, ideas you might have, reblog this and tag your mutuals to get them involved in the discussion. I have a few ideas that I've pilfered from other fandoms, watch alongs. Fic bingo. Theres valentines exchanges. Fandom sleepovers. Heck I'd set up a Tumblr based scavenger hunt if I thought people would play. Like....we dont have to be monoliths in a placid sea of we don't want to. Fandom can be fun. It should be fun.

#exo #baekhyun #minseok #chanyeol #jongdae #junmyeon #yixing #kyungsoo #sehun #jongin

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exo-edits1485 · 5 months ago

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They filled my life with color 🎨🩷

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baekhyunsbestie · 4 months ago

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⟢ : NEED TO KNOW ★.ᐟ

˗ˏˋ ꒰ synopsis ꒱ ˎˊ˗ the x-ëxø guys wanna see what that cute lil human cooter is really capable of. each of them has their own vibe, their own way of wrecking you, and once they’ve got you… there’s no getting away. 👽💫💖 so, who’s it gonna be?

˗ˏˋ ꒰ content ꒱ ˎˊ˗ 18+/mdni. 14k+ words (baëkhyun's is the longest i'm so sorry). separate pairings. fem!reader. i'm ngl to u this is just straight up smut for the most part. explicit language. pussydrunk men. degradation. praise. pet names. talking u thru it. dark themes: obsession and possessiveness. brat-taming. powerplay. manhandling. biting. marking. pheromone kink. size kink. choking. spanking. chains. oral. use of their powers hehe (except junmyeon + yixing). p in v. creampies. overstim. aftercare. raw and fuckn ROUGH juseyooo <3

˗ˏˋ ꒰ a/n ꒱ ˎˊ˗ “i don't play w my pen. i mean what i write!” ;) omg so i was deep in a doja cat mv binge the other day when this one came on and i was like ??? 🫦 what an insane concept !!! inspired. got to cooking. now here we are <333 anywhoooo, happy monday !!!!!! hope u enjoy this and as always, lmk what u think 😚💞💖💗💖💓💘💗 MWAH! 💋

⟢ kāi

“i don't really got no type. i just wanna f*ck all night!”

the bass thrums through your body, a steady pulse that matches the rhythm of your hips as you grind back against him, your ass pressing into the hard line of his cock. kāi's hands grip your waist, fingers digging into your flesh, his breath warm against the shell of your ear.

“you’re playing a dangerous game,” he rasps, voice thick with restraint, but you can feel how badly he wants to snap, to take you right here in the middle of the club. you smirk, rolling your hips again, feeling the way he stiffens behind you, a curse slipping past his lips.

“take me home, then,” you purr, glancing at him over your shoulder.

before you can blink, reality shifts, the thumping bass disappearing as the world blurs and twists. the next thing you know, you’re in a dimly lit penthouse, city lights sprawling beneath you. kai’s body is already pressing into yours, hands greedy, mouths colliding in a desperate, open mouthed kiss as you claw at each other, tugging at clothes like they’re offensive barriers.

“i’ve been waiting for you all fuckin’ night,” he groans against your lips, teeth grazing over your lower one before sucking it into his mouth. his hands are everywhere, roaming, squeezing, claiming.

“didn’t think i’d be your type,” you tease between kisses, nipping at his bottom lip.

kāi lets out a dark chuckle, lifting you effortlessly as he carries you deeper into the room, “you think i’d let just anyone make me this fucking desperate?”

his free hand slides down your stomach, pressing lower, fingers slipping and dragging over the damp heat of your soaked panties. his breath catches, his entire body tensing as his fingers glide through the slick mess between your thighs.

“fuck,” he grits out, his hips rolling forward against you on pure instinct, letting you feel just how hard he already is. “you’re so wet for me already, baby. so fuckin’ ready.”

you struggle to catch your breath, still lightheaded from his grip, from the way his fingers move against you, teasing, barely touching, driving you insane. your body bucks against his, chasing friction, chasing more, but he just smirks, pulling away, leaving you gasping.

“kāi—”

“tell me you want me, baby.” his voice darkens, rough with warning, with command.

his fingers press in, slow, teasing, pushing just enough to make you whimper, to make you desperate.

“i—i want you,” you whisper, voice shaky, barely able to form the words past the heat crawling up your throat.

kāi curses under his breath, his body shuddering, his hand tightening on your throat for just a second, just enough to make your knees weak.

his arm releases you just enough for him to shove you forward, forcing you on to your hands and knees. his hand presses between your shoulder blades, pushing your chest down, forcing you into the mattress, keeping your ass high in the air.

his palm drags over your skin, slow, teasing, over the curve of your ass, down to where you’re already soaked, already throbbing for him.

“look at you,” he breathes, his voice drenched in hunger, in possession. “you’re fucking shaking.”

his fingers glide through the slick between your thighs, teasing, never giving you enough.

“so needy. so fuckin’ desperate. aren’t ‘cha, baby?”

his palm cracks down against your ass, sharp, punishing, making you jolt forward with a strangled gasp.

kāi just smirks, rubbing over the sting, soothing only to tease.

“you gonna take it like a good girl?”

you nod frantically, breathless, your fingers clenching in the sheets, already wrecked from just his touch.

kāi groans, low and deep, his head tilting back, his body shaking with restraint. “good—‘cause ’m not stoppin’ till you can’t walk.”

he doesn’t give you another second to prepare—he’s already lining himself up, already dragging the thick head of his cock through your sloppy folds, already pushing inside.

your body tenses, a broken gasp spilling from your lips as he stretches you open, forcing you to take every inch.

kāi hisses through his teeth, his fingers digging into your hips, holding you still, making sure you feel every inch of him sinking into you.

“that’s it, baby,” he grits out, voice hoarse, thick with pleasure. “take it. take all of it.”

his head drops forward, his lips parting around a guttural moan, his chest rising and falling in ragged breaths.

you feel so fucking good— he can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t do anything but fuck you.

his hips snap forward, hard, deep, forcing your body up the bed, forcing a sharp, choked-off moan from your throat.

his fingers tighten on your waist, anchoring himself, losing himself, fucking into you with sharp, brutal thrusts.

your moans shatter into something helpless, something completely wrecked.

kāi feels it all. he feels the way your walls clench, flutter, squeeze him like you never want to let him go. he feels the way your legs tremble beneath him, the way your nails dig into the sheets, the way your moans break into sobbed-out gasps, too much, too good, too deep.

“fuck—”

the groan rips from his throat, deep and ragged, breaking apart as his head drops forward, damp hair falling into his eyes, sweat dripping down his temple, chain swaying against your back with every sharp snap of his hips.

his hands slide down, rough and desperate, gripping your waist, his fingers pressing bruises into your skin, holding you there, pulling you back onto him, making you take every inch, forcing you to feel just how desperate he is.

he’s already too deep, too wrecked, too far gone. his jaw clenches, his breath stuttering, his thighs flexing beneath you as he fights for control, fights to hold himself together, fights the need to cum too fast because you feel too fucking good.

and then—you move.

your hips roll, slow and deliberate, fucking yourself onto him, making him feel every single inch, squeezing him tight, dragging him in deeper.

kāi freezes.

his grip tightens, sharp inhale cutting through the heavy air, his body tensing behind you.

and then he snaps.

his hands fly to your hips, fingers digging in, nails pressing deep, holding you down as he fucks into you with sharp, punishing thrusts, forcing a wrecked sob from your lips.

“holy shit—” his voice is hoarse, ruined, completely unraveling.

his rhythm stumbles, pace turning rougher, harder, deeper. he's fucking you like he needs it, like he’s lost in it, like you’ve just pushed him over the edge and now he can’t stop.

his fingers slip between your thighs, finding your clit, rubbing slow, teasing circles, the contrast between the rough snap of his hips and the slow, torturous pleasure of his fingers making your body shake.

“gonna make you all fuckin’ mine, baby,” he grits out, hips snapping, faster, deeper, unrelenting.

your body locks up, shatters, pleasure slamming into you so hard your breath cuts off, leaving you gasping, shaking, sobbing his name.

he feels you tightening, pulsing, trembling beneath him, and it ruins him.

his hands fly up, grabbing your shoulders, dragging you back onto him, meeting you thrust for thrust, slamming so deep you swear you can feel him everywhere.

his breath stutters, groan breaking into something raw, something desperate. his forehead presses into the back of your neck, his lips dragging over your sweat-damp skin, panting, shaking, completely fucking wrecked.

his hips roll forward, pressing in deep, grinding so slowly it makes your head spin. you jolt, breath catching, a broken little whimper spilling from your lips as the overwhelming sensation crashes through you.

kāi groans, his head dropping forward, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear, damp dark green hair sticking to his forehead.

“so sensitive already?” he taunts, voice mocking, playful, so damn smooth it makes your stomach tighten. “but we’ve barely started.”

your breath stutters, body trembling, pleasure crackling through your veins like fire.

“kāi, s’too much!” you gasp, the sound breathless, desperate, wrecked beyond repair.

he grins against your skin, his fingers tightening on your hips, his grip bruising, unrelenting.

and then—you try to shift.

just the smallest movement, a desperate attempt to pull away from the overstimulation, from the way he’s pressing so deep, from the way your body is still pulsing around him.

but he’s not having it.

his arm slides around your waist, yanking you back, shoving you down, holding you in place.

“oh, no, baby,” he coos, voice dripping with amusement, with dominance. “where do ya think you’re going?”

his free hand trails down your stomach, teasing, fingertips dragging over your trembling thighs before pressing between them, parting them wider.

“you can keep going.” his voice is low, commanding, drenched in certainty. “you’re still drippin’ f’me—fuck, look at you, baby.”

your lashes flutter, eyes hazy, dazed, barely able to focus—but then he forces you to look.

his hand slips under your chin, tilting your head down, forcing your gaze between your legs, forcing you to see exactly how much of a mess you’ve made.

and fuck—he’s right.

your slick coats your thighs, dripping down your skin, pooling onto the sheets beneath you, messy, obscene, proof of just how wrecked you are, proof of how much you love this.

kāi groans, voice low and wrecked, completely undone.

“shit, baby—” his fingers dig deeper into your skin, his cock twitching inside you at the sight. “she still wants me, huh?”

his hips pull back, dragging out slow, teasing, before slamming forward again, making you cry out, making your body arch beneath him.

his hands grip your hips, flipping you effortlessly onto your back. your breath stumbles, body shifting, legs instinctively parting as he settles between them, his weight pressing down, his chest hot against yours.

his eyes meet yours, dark and blown-out, filled with something ravenous.

“gonna watch you, baby,” he murmurs, dragging his lips along your jaw, voice molten against your skin. “gonna watch every fucking second while i fill you up.”

his fingers wrap around the backs of your knees, pushing them up, bending you in half, folding you under him until your ankles hook over his shoulders.

mating press.

deep. suffocating. brutal.

his next thrust knocks the breath from your lungs, the angle hitting so perfectly, so mercilessly, that your head tips back, a wrecked moan spilling past your lips.

kai groans, grinding forward, rolling his hips, pressing deeper, chasing the way you tremble beneath him, the way you clench around him.

“fuck—” his voice is wrecked, breathless, completely gone. “ya feel that? feel how deep i am, baby?”

his hands grip the backs of your thighs, holding you still, keeping you open, keeping you exactly where he needs you.

his lips drag along your ear, voice rough and commanding.

“gonna fuck my cum so deep inside you, you’ll still feel me tomorrow.” he pants, hips snapping forward, grinding deep, making you take it.

his words send heat pooling in your stomach, twisting tighter, unbearable, your body teetering on the edge.

“you gonna cum again, baby?” his tone is mocking, but desperate, hungry, like he wants it just as much as you.

you nod, gasping, shaking, barely able to hold on.

kāi groans, his hands slipping down to your stomach, pressing down, feeling himself inside you, pushing even deeper.

“that’s right, baby,” he breathes, his lips brushing against yours, sweat-damp and feverish. “gimme another one.”

your body shudders, pleasure tearing through you like wildfire, your breath catching, back arching, thighs trembling as you break beneath him.

kāi moans, long and low, feeling every pulsing squeeze of your walls, every desperate tremor of your body, every fucking aftershock of your orgasm rolling through you.

“fuck, baby—” his voice is wrecked, almost hoarse, his breath catching. “gonna—fuck—”

his hips stutter, slam forward, grind deep, and then—

he breaks.

his jaw goes slack, his body locks up, his cock twitches inside you, and then he’s spilling deep, hips jerking through every thick pulse of his release, filling you up, stuffing you full, keeping you there, keeping you under him, keeping himself buried inside you as he groans through the aftershocks.

his forehead drops against yours, damp hair sticking to his skin, his breath uneven, his body trembling.

“holy shit,” he exhales, his voice barely there, soft and wrecked and completely lost.

his hands slide over your thighs, up your sides, up to your face, his fingers tracing over your jaw, soft, slow, reverent.

his lips skim against yours, lazy, claiming, pressing in deeper, messier, letting you feel exactly how wrecked he is.“you’re mine,” he whispers, voice still shaking. “and i’m not fuckin’ done with you yet.”

⟢ chanyeøl

“your eyes told me, ‘girl, come ride me!’”

he can’t move.

his wrists are bound to the headboard, silver chains stretching taut, clinking against metal every time he tugs. every sharp movement makes them rattle, the sound cutting through the thick, heated air, a constant reminder that he’s helpless beneath you. his arms flex with the effort, biceps straining, veins prominent beneath flushed, sweat-damp skin, muscles coiled so tight it’s agonizing. tension rolls through his body in suffocating waves, every nerve set alight, every inch of him aching, burning, starving for more.

and you? you’re fucking killing him.

straddling his lap, hips rolling in slow, torturous circles, your body moving with deliberate cruelty. the drag of your slick heat around his cock is exquisite, unbearable, devastating. you keep it agonizingly slow, a teasing rhythm that drives him insane, that keeps him hanging on the edge but never lets him fall.

he feels everything.

the way your walls clench and flutter every time you shift, the slick warmth of you wrapped so tight around him, the delicious friction that makes his breath stutter and his fingers twitch—except he can’t touch you.

he can only watch. only feel. only suffer.

his pink hair is damp with sweat, messy strands sticking to his forehead, his cheeks flushed, lips parted around ragged breaths. his chest rises and falls in sharp, uneven motions, every exhale shuddering through him like he’s barely holding it together.

his eyes—heavy-lidded, dark, desperate—stay locked onto you, filled with frustration, hunger, something utterly feral.

you grind down just a little harder, squeeze just a little tighter, let a slow, knowing smirk curl your lips—

and chanyeøl groans, head pressing back into the pillows, jaw clenched so tight it aches.

“baby,” he grits out, voice wrecked, deep, thick with warning. “stop fuckin’ teasin’ me.”

but you only tilt your head, lashes low, lips curling into something playful, something cruel, something that lets him know you’re not stopping anytime soon.

“why would i stop?” you murmur, voice sweet, teasing, soaked in mischief.

your fingers trail down his chest, slow, deliberate, nails scraping lightly over the firm planes of muscle, tracing along every dip, every ridge. the moment you reach his abs, you press down just slightly, feeling the way they clench, the way his entire body tightens, the way his breath shudders out of him in something between a groan and a curse.

but you’re not in a hurry.

your nails drag lower, teasing over his stomach, feeling the heat radiating off his skin, feeling every single slight tremor that runs through him.

then—you reach for the candle.

the wax is molten, thick and slow-moving, swirling in liquid fire within its glass prison. your fingers curl around it, lifting it carefully, tilting it just enough to let a single droplet gather at the edge—

and then it falls.

chanyeøl sucks in a sharp breath, every muscle in his body locking up as the wax splashes against his skin. it sears hot for the barest second before cooling, solidifying into something firm and unyielding, a mark of your control, your dominance, your ownership over him.

his breath stutters, his fingers flex, the chains rattling violently as he fights against them.

but he’s not fighting you.

no, he wants more.

you see it in his eyes, dark and blown-out, see it in the way his lips part, the way his thighs tense beneath you, the way his entire body reacts to the sensation.

so you give it to him.

another drip.

then another.

each one landing lower, dragging down his stomach, tracing the ridges of his muscles, painting a sinful path that has him breathing ragged, has him groaning deep in his chest, has him losing himself completely beneath you.

“you like that?” you whisper, voice nothing but a breath of air against his sweat-damp skin.

his jaw clenches, his hips bucking up instinctively, seeking more, needing more, but the chains keep him still, keep him bound, keep him at your mercy.

his pink hair is an absolute mess now, wild and untamed, sticking to his forehead in damp strands, his entire body slick with sweat, his skin gleaming beneath the dim candlelight.

and god, he looks fucking ruined.

but not enough.

you drag the candle higher, letting it hover over his chest, watching the way his abs clench, the way his fingers twitch, the way his lips part like he’s about to beg—

but then—

the chains snap.

heat surges, an overwhelming wave of raw power bursting from within him, and before you can react, before you can even blink, his wrists are free, silver links falling uselessly to the mattress, charred, burned through like they were never meant to hold him in the first place.

your breath catches.

the candle tumbles from your grip, caught effortlessly by his hand before it can spill another drop.

then his hands are on your hips, a bruising grip of pure desperation as he yanks you down onto him. no hesitation, no warning—just pure, raw need. his breath is ragged, his chest heaving, his entire body trembling with restraint, with need, with something dark and insatiable.

“ya really thought you could tease me like that?” his voice is a growl, low and wrecked, thick with amusement, thick with something more dangerous. “thought you could fuckin’ break me?”

his hips grind against yours, slow, deliberate, making you feel every thick, heavy inch of him pressing against your core, making you tremble, making you whimper, making you realize—

you’ve lost control.

chanyeøl smirks, lips curving into something dark, something devastating, something that promises you’re not leaving this bed without remembering who he is.

“my turn, baby.”

his grip is brutal, unrelenting, a bruising force of raw hunger and pent-up aggression. his fingers sink into the soft flesh of your hips, digging deep, holding tight, dragging you down with such devastating strength that the air gets knocked from your lungs the moment he slams you onto his cock.

you choke on a gasp, body seizing, nails clawing at his arms, your mind struggling to catch up with the sheer force of him—

but he doesn’t give you time.

doesn’t give you room to process the way he stretches you open, the way he fills you so deep you swear you can feel him in your fucking stomach.

he breathes, voice wrecked, thick with relief, with amusement, with something darker. his pink hair is a mess, sweat-damp and wild, strands sticking to his forehead, his cheeks flushed, his lips parted around heavy, uneven breaths.

his hands tighten, nails pressing into your skin, his grip so firm you know you’ll feel it tomorrow, know you’ll wake up with marks of his desperation painted across your body.

he keeps you there, keeps you pressed against him, keeps you right where he wants you, caging you in with his heat, his size, his overwhelming presence.

his smirk is devastating, nothing but pure sin, sharp edges and dark amusement curving his lips as he tilts his head, as his breath spills hot against your mouth.

“ya wanted to ride me?” his voice drips with something dangerous, something mocking, something completely and utterly in control. “then fucking ride.”

his hips snap up, sharp and unrelenting, the sheer force knocking the breath from your lungs, punching a strangled gasp from your throat, sending your body jolting from the impact. the air leaves you in a shuddering exhale, your moan breaking into something fractured, something wrecked, something high and breathless, barely coherent over the ruthless slap of skin against skin.

your vision blurs at the edges, a hazy, pleasure-drunk mess, the world narrowing to nothing but the overwhelming sensation of him—his hands on you, his cock buried so fucking deep inside you, his breath against your throat, the sound of his groans rasping against your skin, the desperation coating his every movement.

you try to move, try to match his pace, try to meet the brutal snap of his hips, but he doesn’t let you—doesn’t give you room, doesn’t give you control. your nails sink into his shoulders, clawing at him, grasping at the sweat-slicked muscle beneath your fingers, searching for something to hold onto, something to ground you. but chanyeøl doesn’t give you that either.

he doesn’t give you a choice.

his grip tightens, fingers digging in, palms spreading wide across your waist, holding you down, keeping you locked against him, keeping you exactly where he wants you. his thrusts turn ruthless, merciless, slamming up into you so hard you swear you can feel him everywhere, every thick inch stretching you, pressing into every devastating spot that has your body convulsing, your thighs trembling, your stomach tightening.

he’s completely lost now. completely feral. completely gone.

his moan rips through the room, raw and guttural, nothing but pure wreckage, his chest heaving, his body trembling, his muscles flexing beneath your fingers as his rhythm falters for just a second—just long enough for him to collect himself, to gather what little restraint he has left.

“that’s it, baby,” his voice is wrecked, shaking, breaking apart on every syllable, pure desperation dripping from his tongue. “take it—fuck, take all of it.”

his teeth find your throat, grazing, dragging over the flushed, heated skin, nipping and sucking, leaving bruises in his wake, marking you as his. his lips travel lower, over the curve of your shoulder, along your collarbone, pressing open-mouthed kisses between every sharp, gasping inhale. his breath is hot, uneven, barely controlled, every exhale ghosting over your skin like he’s worshipping the way you fall apart for him.

“god, you feel so fucking good.”

his voice drops to a whisper, hoarse and trembling, more for himself than for you. his hips grind forward, deep, slow for just a moment, dragging out the sensation, pressing into you so perfectly, pushing against that one spot that makes your back arch, that makes your walls flutter, that makes you gasp out his name like a prayer.

he chuckles—low, teasing, smug—but there’s no steadiness to it, no confidence, just something wrecked, something helpless, something fucking lost in you.

“gonna make you cum all over my cock just like this, baby.”

his pace stutters, sharp, erratic, his control slipping, his own pleasure climbing too fast, too high, too much.

“fuck—” his moan is low, guttural, his head falling back, pink hair damp with sweat, strands sticking to his forehead, clinging to his temples, his entire body gleaming, flushed, overheated.

his hands slide down your waist, palms pressing into your stomach, holding you still, anchoring you to him as he grinds into you, as he feels you squeeze around him, as he feels you unravel.

his voice is a whisper, breathless and ruined.

“you gonna cum for me?”

your body locks up, muscles tightening, thighs clenching, every nerve in your body winding tighter and tighter, the pleasure swelling inside you, mounting, consuming.

“y-yes!”

your voice breaks, your hands gripping onto him, onto anything, onto whatever will keep you grounded as the pressure twists in your gut, as it builds too high, too fast, too fucking overwhelming.

chanyeøl groans, a low, drawn-out sound, his chest rumbling against yours as he dips his head, lips dragging along your jaw, breath hot against your ear.

his fingers slip between your thighs, sliding against your clit, rubbing in tight, perfect circles, relentless, knowing exactly how to ruin you, knowing exactly how to make you break.

his pace turns frantic, desperate, his thrusts losing rhythm, losing precision, his body trembling as he chases your pleasure, as he chases his own.

“then cum, baby—” his voice is a command, low and rough, breath catching as he feels your walls pulse around him, as he feels you tense, as he feels you start to fall apart.

and fuck— you do.

the pleasure slams into you like a shockwave, too much, too strong, so intense your entire body locks up, a choked sob ripping from your throat as you shudder, convulse, lose yourself in the heat, the overwhelming flood of sensation crashing over you in waves.

your nails dig into his back, raking down the sweat-slicked muscle, clutching at him like he’s the only thing tethering you to the earth. your walls tighten, pulse, clench around him in desperate aftershocks, and you swear you can hear the way he chokes on his next breath, the way his body seizes beneath you, the way he completely fucking loses it.

“oh my god—” your voice breaks, barely even words, nothing but breath and sound and wreckage. “so deep—fuck, yeøl—feels so good! feels too fuckin’ good—”

chanyeøl curses, deep and filthy, a ragged groan ripped straight from his chest, shaking beneath you, trembling, muscles flexing and tightening like he’s on the very edge of ruin.

“jesus fuckin’ christ, baby—” his voice is barely a whisper, barely human, hoarse and guttural, completely wrecked.

his hands are everywhere, gripping your waist, your hips, your thighs, as if he can’t decide where he wants to hold you, where he wants to feel you, if he even wants to hold on at all or if he just wants to let go, let himself completely fucking break.

“shit—" he gasps, voice catching, his hips faltering, losing rhythm, losing control.

he feels everything. every flutter, every squeeze, every pulsing, desperate grip of your gummy walls dragging him deeper, milking him, pulling him under.

his head tilts back, jaw slack, eyes fluttering shut as his entire body locks up and then—he shatters.

his moan is long, drawn-out, completely destroyed, something between a groan and a plea, something raw and helpless, something utterly fucking wrecked.

his hips stutter, slam forward one last time, pressing deep, grinding as his cock pulses inside you, as he spills hot and thick, filling you, stuffing you full, making sure you feel it, making sure he’s buried so deep you won’t be able to forget it.

his fingers tighten, gripping you like he never wants to let go, like he wants to stay right here, like he’s trying to mold himself to you, like this is the only thing that makes sense anymore.

his breath stumbles, uneven gasps falling from his lips, his forehead pressing against your shoulder, his entire body trembling beneath yours.

your hands slide up into his hair, fingers threading through damp, pink strands, holding him against you as he tries to catch his breath, as he comes down from the high, as he struggles to even comprehend the wreckage you just left him in.

and then—he laughs.

soft, breathless, utterly amused, the sound warm and lazy against your skin, like he can’t believe how fucking good that was, like he’s still trying to process it.

his arms wrap around you, dragging you closer, pulling you flush against his chest, keeping you in place, keeping you exactly where he wants you, his lips pressing against your temple, slow, affectionate, completely different from the way he just ruined you.

“damn,” he chuckles, grinning against your skin, voice still thick with exhaustion, with satisfaction, with something teasing. “should’ve broken out sooner.”

⟢ sehůn

“i heard from a friend of a friend that that dick was a 10/10!”

you don’t hesitate.

there’s no second-guessing, no last-minute doubts gnawing at the edges of your resolve. you know exactly what you want, and tonight, you’re taking it.

your first time? it has to be good. not just good—worth it. unforgettable. none of that clumsy, awkward, hesitant nonsense. no fumbling hands or uncertain touches. no half-hearted attempts at pleasure. you want something that sets the standard so high, every encounter after this either rises to meet it—

or crashes and burns in comparison.

so when the rumors started swirling—whispers passed from friend to friend, low voices dripping with scandal—you listened. you heard about sehůn. about the way he ruins girls. about how he fucks like he has something to prove, like he needs to leave a mark, like he’s got a goddamn legacy to uphold. you heard that he’s got a fucking 10/10 between his legs, that he knows exactly how to use it, that he has girls losing their minds over it.

and that’s when you made up your mind.

which brings you here. now.

and sehůn? he’s unraveling.

“holy fuck, baby—”

his voice is wrecked, raw and hoarse, cracking under the weight of whatever the hell you’re doing to him. his gaze is locked between your bodies, pupils blown wide as he watches—watches—the way you take him, how your body stretches around every thick, veined inch of him, how your slick heat clings to him like you don’t want to let go.

he moves slow. deep. careful.

because fuck—he’s huge.

long, thick, stretching you open inch by inch, filling you up so perfectly, so completely, it knocks the air from your lungs. your thighs tremble, heat pooling deep in your core, every nerve ending alight. your nails dig into his arms, a sharp contrast to the slow, deliberate way he pushes in, making you feel every inch, every vein, every unbearable second of it.

too much. too good. too deep.

“oh my god,” you gasp, back arching, the burn of the stretch sharp and unrelenting, overwhelming in the best possible way. the pain fades into something hotter, something dizzying, something addictive.

above you, sehůn groans, teeth clenched so tight his jaw ticks, hands gripping your waist like a lifeline. his fingers flex against your skin, the tension in his arms evident, every muscle in his body coiled tight as he forces himself to move slow—forces himself to not snap his hips forward, not fuck you deep and raw and desperate.

because he can’t. because this is your first time. because fuck, he wants to ruin you, wants to wreck you, wants to make it so good that nothing, no one, will ever compare.

“ s-so fuckin’ tight,” he rasps, voice strained, uneven, breaking under the sheer effort it takes to hold back. his head tilts back, throat bobbing as he swallows hard, his fingers digging into your waist. too much. too perfect. too fucking good.

his hands tremble as they slide down, past your ribs, lower, lower—

then he presses. right below your navel.

his breath catches.

“holy shit, baby—”

you blink, dazed, breathless, pulse roaring in your ears as you follow his gaze down—

and fuck— you see it.

the outline of him. thick and deep, pressing against your stomach, buried so far inside you that you can see the way he stretches you, the way he fills you.

sehůn lets out a wrecked, shuddering breath, his eyes glazed over, his thumb tracing over the bulge like he can’t fucking believe it.

“look at that,” he groans, voice breaking. “fuck, sweetheart. i’m so deep inside you.”

sehůn groans, low and wrecked, something primal flickering behind his eyes, his fingers flexing against your belly, pressing down just slightly, just enough to feel himself inside you, just enough to make his cock twitch, just enough to make you moan, high and broken and absolutely ruined.

“fuck,” you gasp, eyes fluttering shut, body jolting at the pressure, at the weight of him, at the way he just keeps sinking deeper. “so fuckin’ big.”

sehůn lets out a breathless laugh, something between smug and delirious, something completely pussy drunk.

“yeah?”

you nod, eyes hazy, lips parting, your voice softer now, higher, sweeter.

“s'good.”

his breath stutters, his heart pounding, something thick and hot curling in his stomach at the way you’re taking him, at the way you’re looking up at him like he’s the only thing in the world right now.

his fingers press deeper into your belly, his lips dragging along your jaw, his breath shaky.

you let out the softest whimper, legs trembling around his waist, your body clenching down around him, so tight, so wet, so fucking sweet.

and sehůn? he’s fucking losing it.

his body is trembling, sweat rolling down his spine, damp strands of black hair clinging to his forehead, his jaw slack, his eyes dark, unfocused, his grip on your waist so tight it’s almost bruising. his breath stumbles, breaking over the sharp gasps leaving his lips, wrecked, helpless, completely fucking gone.

his grip tightens, fingers pressing deep into your waist, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his body trembling with the effort to hold himself together, to keep his control, to not fucking break. but he’s slipping—you can feel it in the way his hips stutter, in the way his voice shakes, in the way his nails dig into your skin like he’s trying to keep himself tethered to something real.

“gonna claim you, baby—fuck—gonna ruin you.”

his voice is low, rough, cracking under the weight of his own desperation, thick with need, with something raw, something wild, something completely fucking unhinged.

his hips snap forward, deep, fast, rough, the force of it knocking the breath from your lungs, making your fingers clutch at him, nails biting into his sweat-slicked back.

he groans at the sting, the sound broken, wrecked, so fucking desperate.

“gonna fuck you so deep, so good, you’ll never want anyone else—"

his words hit like fire, heat spreading through you, searing, melting, consuming.

because you don’t. you don’t want anyone else. no one could ever fuck you like this. no one could ever make you feel like this. no one but him.

“gonna make this pretty pussy take the shape of my cock—”

his words are filth, pure sin, dripping from his lips like a promise, like a vow, like an unshakable truth.

your body reacts instantly, your walls clenching, pulsing, gripping him tighter, your legs wrapping around him, holding him closer, keeping him exactly where you need him, exactly where he belongs.

your practically breathless, wrecked, high and needy, gasping, pleading, your fingers dragging down the flexing muscles in his back, leaving scratches, leaving marks, claiming him the same way he’s claiming you.

because if oh sehůn’s the only dick you’ll ever have for the rest of your life—

you don’t fucking care.

as long as you can cum like this, as long as he fucks you like this, as long as he keeps filling you, stretching you, ruining you, making sure no one else can ever have you.

no one could ever compare.

you dig your nails in harder, dragging them over his skin, feeling the way his entire body tenses, the way his cock twitches inside you, the way he moans against your throat, high and broken and completely undone.

his forehead falls against yours, his breath mingling with yours, hot, heavy, wrecked.

“gonna cum,” he pants, voice barely above a whisper, his hands gripping your hips, pulling you down onto him, making you take all of him, every inch, every thick, perfect inch stretching you, filling you, ruining you. “fuck, baby, gimme one more—”

you let out a choked sob, every thrust sending fire through your veins, sending pleasure rippling through your body, tightening, twisting, coiling too tight, too much, too good—

“sehůn! fuck—”

his grip tightens, his fingers sliding down between your bodies, rubbing messy, fast circles over your clit, his voice a rough command against your lips.

“yeah, pretty, that's it—fuckin' cum for me—”

your body locks up, pleasure crashing over you, white-hot, mind-numbing, overwhelming. your walls flutter, clench, pulse around him, and sehůn completely fucking breaks.

“oh, fuck—”

his moan is wrecked, completely shattered, his hips slamming forward, pressing so fucking deep you swear you feel him everywhere, his cock throbbing inside you, hot and thick, filling you up, stuffing you full, making sure you take every last drop.

his body shudders, fingers gripping your waist like he’s afraid you’ll disappear, like he’s trying to keep you here, like he needs this, like he needs you.

his forehead rests against yours, his breath heavy, uneven, his voice barely a whisper.

“shit, baby—never felt anything like this—”

his voice is wrecked, breathless, torn straight from his chest like he can’t believe what just happened, like he’s trying to catch up, trying to process the way you just ruined him.

you smirk, slow and lazy, lips parted, chest rising and falling in uneven waves. bliss coats your skin, warm and slick against his, the aftershocks still pulsing through you, still making your legs weak, your body hum.

you let out a breathless laugh, the sound light, teasing, laced with exhaustion. “was this your first time or mine?”

sehůn huffs out a rough laugh, but there’s no real bite to it, just something wild and wrecked in the way his arms tighten around you, his grip unrelenting, like he’s afraid you’ll slip away if he lets go for even a second.

his lips find your temple, then your cheek, then your jaw—soft but firm, slow but desperate, like he’s mapping you out, memorizing the way you taste, the way you feel under his hands, against his skin.

“nah, baby,” he murmurs, voice nothing but gravel, nothing but heat against your pulse. “more like this is my last first time with anyone—”

his fingers press deeper into your hips, like he’s making sure you hear him, feel him, understand exactly what he means. his lips brush yours, breath warm, gaze dark, possessive.

“'cus this pussy is mine for life.”

⟢ kyüngsoo

“spank me, slap me, choke me, bite me!”

it all started as a joke. just harmless fun.

it’s friday night and you and your girls had gone to the ëxø bar, a place whispered about in certain circles—where the drinks were stronger, the air was heavier, and the men who owned it… well, no one really knew what they were. just that they were different. powerful. something more.

so, of course, after a few drinks, the conversation had taken a turn.

“i bet they’re fucking insane in bed,” one of your friends giggled, stirring her drink lazily. “imagine the things they could do to you.”

you had laughed, tipsy and unbothered, the warmth of alcohol making you bolder. “i dunno. some of them look like they could ruin you. like, completely wreck your shit.”

“which one do you think would fuck the best?” someone else teased, nudging you playfully.

your gaze had drifted—just for a second—to him. kyüngsoo. the one with the sharp eyes and the ridiculous shoulders, sitting in the corner nursing his drink like he didn’t have a single care in the world.

“that one,” you had murmured, half to yourself. “he looks like he wouldn’t stop until you were a fucking mess.”

you didn’t know then that he could hear you.

but he did.

and now? now you’re here, in his bed, screaming his name like a prayer.

kyüngsoo has you folded, ass high in the air, face buried in the mattress as he pounds into you like he’s trying to break you apart and put you back together again. his grip on your hips is brutal, fingers digging in like he wants to leave bruises, like he wants you to remember this every time you see yourself in the mirror.

“this how you imagined it, baby?” his voice is rough, teasing, so fucking cocky. “when you were giggling with your little friends—wondering how i’d fuck you?”

you try to answer, but all that comes out is a choked moan, your back arching as he lands a sharp smack to your ass.

“answer me.”

you barely manage to stutter out, “it’s e-even b-better!” before he’s yanking you up, one thick arm wrapping around your neck in a headlock.

his strength is inhuman, his body unrelenting, his cock hitting that spot inside you over and over like he’s got something to prove. and maybe he does. maybe he wants you to know that no one else could ever fuck you like this.

his hand slides up, fingers wrapping around your throat, squeezing just enough to make your head spin, to make your body throb around him.

“fuck, you’re so tight,” he groans, voice rough against your ear. “pretty little pussy taking me so well. just like i knew it fuckin’ would.”

you’re gone, completely wrecked, every thought in your head wiped clean except for him. his strength, his power, the way he’s fucking you like he owns you.

the moment you start throwing it back, meeting him stroke for stroke, something in kyüngsoo snaps.

his power—his inhuman strength—was something he had always kept under control. always measured, always careful. but not now.

now?

he grabs you, one arm looping around your waist, lifting you clean off the bed like you weigh nothing, like you’re just a doll for him to use. you barely have time to gasp before he’s slamming you back down onto his cock, impaling you so deep you see stars.

“fuck—” your breath hitches, nails digging into his wrist as he manhandles you with ease, bouncing you on his cock like you’re just a toy for his pleasure.

“this what you wanted, doll?” his voice is dark, ragged, dangerous. “you wanna fuck me back? wanna take it like a big girl?”

his grip tightens, fingers digging into your skin hard enough to bruise, and then he’s fucking up into you, his strength making it so you don’t have to move at all—just take it, just let him use you.

your moans are broken, breathless, your body limp in his grasp, barely able to handle the sheer force of his thrusts.

“too much?” kyüngsoo's voice is thick with amusement, a dark tease laced with mockery. his free hand cracks against your ass, the sharp sting making you jolt in his grip. he feels the way you shudder, the way your walls flutter around him. weak. trembling. desperate.

his lips brush your ear, his teeth grazing the shell as he purrs, “nah—you can take it. you were talkin’ all that shit in the bar, weren’t you?” another slap lands, harder this time, and you whimper. “so take it.”

kyüngsoo’s grip tightens on your hips, holding you steady as he fucks into you, his full strength unleashed. the bedframe creaks, the entire thing rocking under the sheer force of his thrusts, his cock slamming into you like he’s trying to fuck you through the mattress.

and he is.

your fingers scramble for purchase, clawing at the sheets, moans spilling from your lips in helpless little cries.

“w-want you so bad, ‘soo! hah—can’t get enough!” your voice is almost slurred, pleasure consuming you, your body begging for him.

he lets out a deep, primal groan, his whole body shuddering, and then—

he grabs you.

one hand wrenches your wrists behind your back, pinning them effortlessly, holding you captive with his sheer strength. his other hand? it wraps around your throat, squeezing, controlling your every breath, forcing you to stay exactly where he wants you. his hips snap forward, unrelenting, each stroke making the bed shake, making you sob with pleasure.

“huh? what’s wrong?” his tone is pure mockery, amusement curling around the edges of his words as he watches you fall apart. “thought you wanted to keep up? but look at you—”

he lets go of your wrists just to shove you down, flattening you into the mattress, his weight crushing you in the best way.

“can’t even move anymore, can you?”

he’s right. you can’t. you’re wrecked, nothing but a quivering mess, your body his to use.

his thrusts grow sloppier, harder, inhumanly deep, and then—

he roars, his grip on your throat tightening, his cock pulsing as he spills into you, filling you up so deep you swear you can feel it everywhere.

and the worst part?

you still want more.

⟢ suhø

“i just wanna know if you can fuck on me better!”

the bass from the club inside pulses through the walls of the dimly lit parking lot, but in here—inside the tight, fogged-up space of suhø’s car—there’s only the sound of your breathy moans and the wet, filthy slap of skin on skin.

you don’t even remember how you got here, how the casual, half-serious conversation over drinks turned into you being splayed out beneath him, your dress hiked up around your waist, his hands gripping your thighs like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

but you remember what he said.

“i can fuck you better.”

you had scoffed. rolled your eyes. told him every guy says that.

and yet—fifteen minutes later, you’re gasping for air, body trembling from the second orgasm he’s wrung out of you with nothing but precise, calculated thrusts that are too damn good. you hate car sex. always found it uncomfortable, never got off, never felt like it was worth the trouble.

but now?

now you’re draped over the center console, one knee propped up against the window, his fingers sinking into your flesh as he fucks into you so good, so deep, you swear you’re about to shatter. your body is still pulsing from the last climax, but you feel another one creeping up fast, winding tight in your gut, making your thighs tremble as suhø leans down, lips brushing over the shell of your ear.

“you have no idea how fucking long i’ve wanted you like this,” his fingers slide down to press against your swollen clit, rubbing in slow, deliberate circles. you jolt, a sharp gasp ripping from your throat as pleasure ripples through you.

“suhø—fuck—”

“hated every time you brought that fucking loser to my fucking bar.” his voice is low, rough, strained with the effort of holding back, “knowing he couldn’t make you feel this way—knowing it should’ve been me. should’ve always been me.”

you let out a breathless laugh, barely coherent. “if i knew you were gonna fuck me like this, i would’ve left him a long time ago.”

suhø groans against your skin, teeth scraping lightly against your jaw before he pulls back just enough to look at you, his eyes dark with something dangerous.

“yeah?” his hips slow, rolling into you deep enough to make you gasp. “then why the fuck did you waste so much time on him?”

“dunno,” you tease, even as your breath stutters. “bad decisions, i guess.”

“damn right,” he grunts, hand sliding down between your bodies, fingers pressing against your clit. “good thing i’m fixing that now.”

your back arches as you keen his name, body responding to him in ways it never has for anyone else.

“you feel it, don’t you?” he murmurs, “you’re close again. i can feel you squeezing me.”

and you are—you’re right there, teetering on the edge, but you need something more.

with a desperate push, you press against his chest, flipping him over, straddling his lap. his head tips back against the headrest, hands automatically falling to your hips as you sink down onto him, nails digging into his shoulders.

“god—” he groans, voice tight, “look at you. fucking perfect.”

you roll your hips, slow at first, watching the way his jaw tenses, his fingers flexing against your skin. but then something inside you snaps, and you move faster, chasing that peak, riding him until the pleasure becomes unbearable.

“that’s it, baby,” he grits out, meeting your rhythm with sharp thrusts, “show me how bad you need it—”

you sob his name, and then—fuck—

it crashes over you like a tidal wave. your body locks up, pleasure consuming you as you squirt all over him, the wet, messy sound of it echoing in the car. suhø groans deep in his chest, a rough, guttural sound as his grip tightens, his cock twitching inside you before he thrusts up one last time, spilling deep inside you with a shaky, “fuck—yes—”

the only sound left is your panting breaths, the creak of the car as it rocks gently back and forth. the windows are completely fogged, the air thick with heat and sweat and sex.

suhø exhales heavily, hands roaming up your sides, fingers tracing gentle patterns against your skin as he presses a soft kiss to your temple.

“dump him,” he murmurs against your hair, “get with me instead.”

you hum, still catching your breath. “mmm, that’s a tempting offer.”

suhø scoffs, his grip tightening on your waist. “tempting? baby, i just made you cum three times. what’s there to think about?”

you smirk, trailing your fingers along his collarbone. “true. maybe i need more convincing.”

his jaw clenches, eyes darkening as he flips you back onto the seat in one swift motion, spreading your thighs apart again.

“oh, i’ll fucking convince you.”

his fingers dip between your legs, already teasing, already coaxing another moan from your lips.

“i can take care of you,” he whispers, gaze locked onto yours. “just leave him.”

⟢ baëkhyun

“baby come throw the pipe. gotta know what it’s like!”

your breathing is a trembling mess, uneven gasps breaking apart into soft, choked-off moans, and baëkhyun hears every single bit of it. it’s like your body is singing for him, and he’s so fucking tuned in, so hyperaware, so ruined by the way you fall apart beneath him. he feels the way your chest rises and falls in shallow, needy pants, the way your fingers claw at the sheets like you’re trying to ground yourself, the way your thighs tremble as they lock tighter around his waist. but nothing—nothing—compares to the way your gummy walls flutter and clench around him, gripping him like you never want to let him go. and fuck—he groans, deep and guttural, head dropping forward, fingers digging into your waist so hard they might bruise.

he’s never felt anything like this. it’s not inexperience. he’s had more than his fair share of bodies under him, pretty little things crying for him, scratching down his back as he made them come undone. but this? you? it’s too much. too hot, too tight, too good, dragging him under and drowning him in sensation so intense it turns his nerves raw. every squeeze, every slick pull of your body around him, every little pulse of your walls milking him for more��he feels it too clearly, too sharp, like his body was made for this, for you, for the unbearable pleasure of sinking into you and losing himself completely.

his head tilts back, silver chain catching the dim light, the delicate links shifting with every brutal roll of his hips. his breath is ragged, his body shaking, white hair clinging to his damp forehead as he fights to keep control—fights not to let you drag him under completely. but he’s losing. fuck, he’s losing. the way you take him, the way your heat tightens, flexes, pulls him in deeper like you were made to keep him buried inside—it’s breaking him down, reducing him to nothing but the sharp, desperate need to fuck you harder, to chase the feeling of you unraveling beneath him, for him, because of him.

his head tilts back, throat exposed, taut with restraint, jaw clenched so tight it feels like it might snap. the delicate chains draped across his face glint under the dim light, shifting with every sharp breath, every tremor of pleasure rolling through him, the cool metal a stark contrast against his burning skin. he’s holding on by a thread, barely keeping himself together, but fuck—you're making it impossible.

you're so tight around him, so fucking warm, gripping him like you don’t want to let him go, like you’re trying to pull him deeper, ruin him completely. every slick drag of your walls around his cock sends a fresh surge of heat rushing up his spine, settling low in his gut, twisting tighter, hotter, more unbearable by the second. his fingers dig into your hips, possessive, brutal, leaving behind a promise in the shape of bruises. he wants you to feel this, wants you aching tomorrow, wants you to remember who fucked you like this, who made you come apart.

his breath stutters, his grip tightening like it’s the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. “oh, baby,” he groans, voice wrecked, hoarse, barely more than a breathless rasp. “ya have no fuckin’ idea what you’re doing to me.”

but you do.

you know exactly what you’re doing.

your lips part in a slow, smug little smirk, body arching beneath him, rolling up into his thrusts, forcing a deep, guttural hiss from his throat. you feel the way he shudders, the way his breath catches, the way his muscles tense under your fingertips as you drag your nails up his arms, over the solid planes of his shoulders, teasing, testing, pushing.

“thought you were supposed to be stronger than this,” you murmur, voice silky-smooth, laced with cruel amusement, a challenge dressed up in honey. your fingers slip into his hair, tugging just enough to make his breath hitch, just enough to feel the way his cock twitches inside you.

baëkhyun tenses, exhales sharply through his nose.

“at least that’s what you were telling me at the bar earlier,” you continue, tone drenched in mock innocence, pretending you don’t feel the way his grip tightens, the way his jaw flexes. “or was that all bullshit to get me in bed?”

his eyes flicker—sharp, burning, dangerous. the silver chains draped across his face catch the light as he tilts his head, lips curling into something dark, something feral.

“oh, you wanna play it like that?”

his voice is low, dripping with promise, amusement laced with something sharper, something darker. he watches you, eyes scanning your face, the way your lips part, the way your lashes flutter, the way your body responds to the power humming beneath his skin.

and then—he moves.

he pulls out completely.

your breath catches, a whimper slipping past your lips before you can stop it, your walls clenching around nothing, aching, empty, desperate.

but he doesn’t give you time to complain.

before you can even suck in another breath, he slams back in.

deep. brutal. unrelenting.

the force of it sends a sharp cry tumbling from your lips, your back arching off the bed, fingers twisting in the sheets, legs trembling where they wrap around his waist.

he grins.

“yeah, that's what i fuckin’ thought,” he murmurs, pressing forward, completely caging you in, silver chain dangling between you, cold against your overheated skin.

his hips snap forward again, tearing another sharp, gasping moan from your throat, and he drinks it in, revels in it, watches the way your face twists, the way your body shudders beneath him.

“so cocky a second ago,” he muses, mocking, smug, devastating. “but look at you now.”

his voice is smooth, controlled, the kind of control that makes your stomach tighten, makes your breath catch, makes your body tremble beneath his.

“what happened, sweetheart?” his lips graze the shell of your ear, voice taunting, teasing, all teeth and arrogance. “thought you wanted me to fuck you like this.”

he rolls his hips deeper, sharper, filling you so perfectly you can barely breathe, barely think, barely do anything but moan his name.

“you talk all that shit,” baëkhyun continues, mocking, devastatingly smug, “but the moment i fuck you like this, you're just a trembling, moaning mess beneath me.”

he sinks in, slow and steady, letting you feel every inch, every ridge, every unrelenting stretch of him. he presses deeper, so deep you can barely breathe, until his hips are flush against yours, buried to the hilt, seated inside you so perfectly it almost hurts. and then—he stops.

a sharp inhale drags through his teeth, his muscles locking up, his body trembling as he forces himself to stay still. it’s too much. he should be moving, should be fucking into you the way he knows you want him to, the way you’re already arching beneath him, fingers digging into his arms, nails scratching at his skin like you’re begging him to give you more. but he can’t. not yet.

his head tilts back, throat exposed, silver face chain shifting with the movement, glinting in the dim light as his jaw clenches. his breath stutters out of him, shaky and uneven, barely holding on. his fingers twitch where they grip your hips, nails pressing deep enough to bruise, deep enough to remind himself that he’s still here, still grounded, still barely keeping himself together.

but fuck— he’s never felt like this before.

his senses are too sharp, too dialed in, too focused on you, on how fucking perfect you feel wrapped around him. he hears everything—the sound of your breath hitching, the erratic pounding of your heartbeat against your ribs, the slick, obscene noises of your bodies pressed together, the soft, shaky moan that catches in your throat when you shift beneath him.

he feels everything.

your walls flex around him, tight and pulsing, gripping him like you don’t want him to leave, like you want to pull him even deeper, keep him buried inside you forever. you’re so warm, so wet, so utterly wrapped around him, molding to him in a way that makes his vision blur, makes his entire body coil with the unbearable need to move, to fuck, to completely ruin you.

but then—you move first.it’s the smallest shift, just a slow, deliberate roll of your hips, just enough to make him feel it.

and baëkhyun nearly fucking breaks.

his jaw slacks, lips parting around a choked-off groan, hips jerking forward before he can stop himself, chasing the way you squeeze around him, the way you shudder beneath him, the way you’re already so fucking desperate. his hands fly to your waist, gripping tight, like he’s holding on for dear life, like he’s trying to keep himself from losing every last thread of control.

“oh, fuck, baby,” he gasps, voice wrecked, raw, disbelieving.

his hands glide over your body, slow and reverent, mapping every curve, every soft expanse of skin, memorizing the way you feel beneath him. his fingertips trace over the tremble in your thighs, the slight arch of your spine, the way your stomach tenses when his hands dip lower, gripping your hips, pressing you deeper into the mattress.

his cock twitches inside you, so hyperaware, so overstimulated, so fucking deep that every little flutter of your walls makes his entire body tense. it’s too much, too good, too perfect. the heat of your body is suffocating, intoxicating, addicting, pulling him in, swallowing him whole, leaving him so close to the edge he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to hold back much longer.

his head dips forward, silver chains swaying, brushing against your flushed skin, cold metal against heat. his lips part against your shoulder, panting, breathless, and for the first time, he realizes—

he might not last much longer.

“baëk.”

his name leaves your lips on a breathy sigh, and the moment it hits his ears, his eyes snap open—sharp, glowing, flickering with hunger.

he looks wrecked.

his silver chain glints under the dim light, swaying with every shaky inhale, white hair damp and sticking to his forehead, jaw tight as he stares down at you. there’s something dark behind his gaze, something borderline desperate, something completely unhinged.

and you can’t help it—you smirk.

“you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” you whisper, voice thick with amusement, rolling your hips up just enough to test him, just enough to feel the way he shudders, the way his cock twitches inside you, so fucking sensitive.

his breath catches, jaw clenching harder, fingers twitching against your hips like he’s fighting the urge to pin you down, to snap, to completely ruin you.

“so cute when you're pussydrunk,” you murmur, letting the words sink into his skin, letting them wrap around him like a noose.

baëkhyun growls low, deep, and dangerous.

his hand shoots up, wrapping around your throat, forcing your chin up, tilting your face until your gaze is locked with his. his grip is firm, unrelenting, not choking, just controlling, just enough to remind you who’s in charge.

“you think that’s funny?” his breath is hot against your lips, ragged and uneven, shaky from restraint. his fingers press in just enough to steal a gasp from you, just enough to let you know he could take away even more if he wanted.

and then—he snaps.

his hips slam forward, brutal, punishing, unforgiving.

your back arches off the bed, a strangled moan ripped from your throat, high and broken, your body trembling beneath the force of him.

baëkhyun laughs, breathless and mocking, his grip tightening, his lips brushing against your ear, amusement curling at the edges of his voice.

“not so cocky now, are you, sweetheart?”

his words hit like fire, scorching through your veins, sending heat rolling through your body, pooling low in your stomach, twisting tighter, hotter, unbearable. his voice is thick with mockery, dominance, control, but you can hear the way it falters at the edges, the way his breath stutters, ragged and uneven.

you bite your lip, fighting a moan, refusing to give in completely. instead, you force your eyes up to his, your smirk lazy, taunting, but not quite as steady as before.

“who said i wasn’t?” you rasp, voice breaking on the last word as his next thrust steals the breath from your lungs.

baëkhyun growls, low and dangerous.

you feel it vibrate through his chest, through the press of his body against yours, through the way his fingers dig into your waist, bruising, possessive, desperate.

“you’re fuckin’ shaking,” he breathes, amusement curling at the edges of his words. “don’t think i don’t feel it, baby. your body’s givin’ ya away.”

he slows his pace suddenly, rolling his hips deep, deliberate, pressing into you so perfectly that your head tips back, a broken moan spilling from your lips before you can stop it.

your walls clench around him in response, whimpering, shaking, unraveling beneath his touch, beneath his pace, beneath the raw desperation in his movements.

and he feels it all.

he feels the way you pulse around him, the way your body trembles, the way you lose yourself beneath him, and it only makes him rougher, only makes him fuck you harder, deeper, sharper, until all you can do is take it.

your fingers scramble against his shoulders, against his back, nails dragging down his skin, searching for something to hold onto, searching for anything to keep you from completely falling apart.

“b-baëk—” you gasp, breathless, nearly gone.

he grins, breath hitching, but his eyes glow with something darker.

“what’s that, sweetheart?” he taunts, mocking, knowing. “weren’t you just giving me attitude a second ago?”

you bite back another moan, refusing to give him the satisfaction. instead, you roll your hips up again, tightening around him, watching as his lips part, as his breath stumbles—just slightly.

he curses under his breath, a sharp exhale hissing through his teeth.

“oh, you little—”

his grip tightens—on your hips, on your throat, everywhere, because he can’t get close enough, can’t get enough, can’t fucking stand the way you feel so perfect around him and yet it’s still not enough.

his lips drag along your ear, his voice breathless, shaky, desperate.

“i feel everything,” he whispers, voice raw, shaking with it. “you think you can hide it from me? think you can still play this little game when i can feel this perfect fucking pussy clenching around me?”

your body shudders.

“fuck—” you breathe, finally breaking.

and baëkhyun laughs, low, dark, triumphant.

your moans turn helpless, breathless, uncontrollable.

you’re close—so fucking close, and he knows it.

his fingers slide down, find your clit, start circling, pressing, teasing.

you jerk, tense, writhe beneath him, gasping his name, hands clawing at his back, at the sheets, at anything that can ground you.

“cum for me, my pretty girl,” his voice is pure wreckage, pure desperation. “lemme feel it, lemme feel this sweet pussy squeeze me so fuckin’ tight—fuckfuckfuck, just like that.”

his hips snap forward—deep, grinding, ruthless.

and then—you break.

the pleasure hits like a shockwave, rolling through you, drowning you in heat and static and white-hot euphoria, leaving you gasping, shaking, body clenching around him in waves.

and baëkhyun feels every single bit of it.

it ruins him.

“shit—‘m gonna cum, baby. fuck—gonna fill ya up, make a fuckin’ mess of you. ya want that? yeah? want me so deep you’ll still feel me next week?”

his thrusts grow erratic, rhythm crumbling as the pleasure coils tighter, hotter, winding through every nerve in his body like a live wire. he's barely holding on, teetering on the edge, lost in the unbearable heat of you, the way your gummy walls flutter and grip him, milking him, pulling him deeper into the abyss.

he's gone. completely, utterly gone.

his fingers tighten on your hips, bruising, anchoring himself as his body locks up, shuddering. the tension snaps like a live circuit, raw electricity bursting in his veins as his climax rips through him—violent, devastating, white-hot and all-consuming.

and then—

the world goes dark.

a deep, shuddering groan wrenches from his throat, his entire body seizing, electricity sparking through his nerves, his power surging beyond control. the lightbulbs overhead flicker, pulsing once—twice—before exploding in a cascade of shattered glass. outside, the entire city plunges into sudden, absolute blackness. streetlights sputter and die. neon signs fizzle out. buildings blink into nothing, their towering silhouettes vanishing into the void.

but baëkhyun doesn’t notice. doesn’t care.

he’s buried so deep inside you, cumming so hard, spilling into you in thick, pulsing waves, filling you until there’s nothing left of him, until he’s shaking, panting, forehead pressing into your shoulder, chest rising and falling in ragged gasps.

his body trembles against yours, completely wrung out, completely spent, every last drop of his energy drained, sucked from him the moment he lost himself in you.

his breath is uneven, sharp and shallow, his fingers twitching against your waist as he tries—fails—to regain control, to piece himself back together.

but he can’t.

you’ve ruined him.

you feel the weight of him, the heavy press of his body, the way his heart hammers against yours, erratic and frantic. he’s never felt like this before. never been unraveled like this. never lost himself so completely that he took the entire fucking city down with him.

then—he exhales a breathless, disbelieving laugh.

“holy fuck.” his voice is hoarse, wrecked beyond belief, thick with something almost delirious, something that borders on awe. “did i just—”

you swallow, dazed, body still trembling beneath him, still reeling from the way he just ruined you.

“you… turned off the whole fucking city,” you breathe.

baëkhyun blinks.

then, slowly, a smirk curls at his lips.

“shit,” he mutters, breath still uneven. “guess i really was seeing the light.”

you groan, smacking his arm weakly, too exhausted to do anything else, and he chuckles, low and satisfied, lips pressing against your temple in something almost tender.

“’m serious,” he murmurs, voice thick with exhaustion, but there’s something smug underneath it, something cocky, something dangerous. “might’ve just fucked the whole grid offline.”

you huff, shaking your head, but you can’t stop the way your lips twitch, amusement curling at the edges of your spent smile.

“so what now?” you mumble, voice still hoarse, fingers trailing mindlessly over his damp back.

baëkhyun hums, shifting slightly, his arms wrapping around you, keeping you against him, as if he’s afraid you’ll slip away.

“dunno,” he sighs, pressing a lazy kiss to your collarbone. “maybe i should do it again. see if i can take out the whole damn country next time.”

you laugh, smacking his shoulder, and he grins, shifting just enough to bury his face in the crook of your neck, his breath warm against your skin.

outside, the city remains dark, silent, caught in the aftermath of his power slipping, of his control completely unraveling.

outside, the city remains shrouded in darkness, silent, caught in the aftermath of his power slipping—his control unraveling at the seams.

but inside—

inside, baëkhyun is still glowing.

it lingers on his skin, a faint golden shimmer caught in the sweat-slick dip of his collarbones, in the silver glint of his chain, in the sharp, flickering brightness behind his half-lidded eyes. remnants of power, of pleasure, of something raw and all-consuming.

you watch him, gaze tracing the aftershocks still rippling through his body—the way his chest rises and falls in uneven breaths, the way his muscles still twitch beneath flushed skin, the way he looks so utterly wrecked, so completely gone—yet somehow still devastatingly beautiful.

his fingers ghost over your stomach, over your ribs, over the marks he left behind—absentminded, reverent, like he’s memorizing the proof of his presence on your skin.

then, with a slow, breathless chuckle, he exhales, “didn’t think i’d ever lose it like that over a girl.” his lips brush against your temple, voice thick, almost disbelieving. “a human one at that.”

you blink up at him, still hazy, still catching your breath. “oh? so what—you usually short-circuit cities over celestial beings?”

baëkhyun grins, lazy and wrecked, fingers tracing idle patterns against your hip. “never short-circuited anything over anyone.” he tilts his head, voice dropping lower, rougher. “guess you’re different.”

your breath stutters, but you mask it with a slow, smug smirk. “must be pretty humbling.”

he huffs a laugh, shaking his head, white hair damp against his forehead. “more like terrifying.” his fingers tighten against your waist, like he’s grounding himself. “what the hell are you doing to me?”

you hum, dragging your nails up his back, slow and teasing. “dunno.” your lips graze his jaw. “but i think you like it.”

his breath shudders, his grip flexing, his body still wound tight despite everything. his gaze flickers—something dark, something unspoken, something that burns like an eclipse.

“yeah,” he mutters, pressing a lingering kiss against your throat, voice dripping with something dangerously close to devotion.

“i really fucking do.”

outside, the city will wake up again. the lights will return, people will move on, life will resume like nothing happened.

but in this room, in this bed, wrapped in baëkhyun’s arms—

the world still belongs to him.

⟢ xiūmin

“tell me what's your kink. gimme the dick!”

it starts with a single ice cube gliding along your skin.

“cold?’ xiūmin murmurs, watching you flinch as the frozen edge drags down the curve of your stomach. his fingers, warm in contrast, follow right behind, soothing the goosebumps rising in its wake.

“y-yeah,” you admit, breath hitching, but you don’t pull away. the contrast between heat and ice sends a shiver through you, but underneath the initial shock, there’s something else—something thrilling.

xiūmin smirks. “good.”

he presses the melting ice against your collarbone, tracing the delicate line, the cold bite making you gasp. your hands twitch at your sides, not knowing whether to push him away or pull him closer. he notices, of course. his gaze darkens, flicking up to meet yours.

“relax. just feel.”

you nod, swallowing hard.

then he gets bolder.

the ice trails lower, circling a peaked nipple, and the sharp chill makes your back arch instantly. “oh—” your moan cuts off as his lips replace the ice, tongue lapping at the sensitive skin warmed by his mouth. the contrast is intoxicating, a push and pull between fire and frost, and it makes your head spin.

“so sensitive,” he muses, rolling the ice between his fingers before pressing it to the inside of your thigh, drawing slow, teasing patterns. you can barely handle it, hips shifting desperately as the cold sears pleasure straight to your core.

“xiū, please,” you whimper, barely recognizing your own voice. you weren’t expecting to react this intensely, but your body is on fire, every nerve ending hyperaware. the ice is melting fast now, water trickling down your skin, and his lips chase the droplets, tongue laving up the trails left behind.

he smirks as he shifts lower, spreading your thighs apart. the remaining ice cube in his fingers drags over the most sensitive part of you, the freezing contrast against your heat making you cry out. your body jolts at the intensity, legs trembling as he watches you come undone under his touch.

“fuck, you’re dripping for me already,” he groans, pushing the ice deeper between your folds, rolling it over your clit, and you swear your vision goes white. your fingers clutch the sheets, desperate and overwhelmed, a wreck beneath him.

“please—oh my god—” you choke out, hips twitching involuntarily as he circles the ice around your entrance, teasing. your body is thrumming, nerves sizzling from the unbearable pleasure.

when the ice finally melts, he replaces it with his mouth, lips wrapping around your swollen, oversensitive bud as he moans against you, the vibrations making you arch off the bed. his tongue is hot, relentless, flicking and sucking until you’re seeing stars, legs trembling on either side of his head.

“more,” you beg, voice wrecked, breathless.

his fingers slip inside, stretching you open as his mouth works you over, lapping at you like he’s starving. your release crashes over you so hard your entire body locks up, toes curling as you cry out his name, drowning in pleasure.

he doesn’t stop.

he keeps going, drawing every last wave out of you, overstimulating you until you’re shuddering, begging him to slow down. finally, he pulls away, his lips and chin glistening, eyes dark and hungry as he looks up at you.

he shifts over you, the weight of his body pressing you into the mattress, and his cock presses against your entrance, teasing, testing. he kisses you, slow and deep, before whispering, “ready?”

nervous, but desperate, you nod. “yes.”

he pushes in, slow and careful, letting you adjust to the stretch. the fullness steals your breath, but the burn melts into pleasure quickly, your body molding to him like you were made for this.

“fuck, you feel so good,” he groans, voice strained as he fights to go slow, to let you savor the sensation.

but soon, your fingers claw at his back, your hips rising to meet his. “move. please.”

he doesn't need to be told twice.

he starts slow, deep, but the moment he hears you moan—really moan—he loses himself. his pace quickens, his thrusts turning desperate, his name spilling from your lips like a prayer.

“so tight, so perfect,” he grits out, watching your face contort with pleasure. “you love this, don’t you?”

“yes—yes, oh my god—”

he slips a hand between your bodies, circling your swollen clit, determined to push you over the edge again, and again, and again. the pleasure is fucking overwhelming, everything too much and not enough at the same time, and when you finally cum, it’s with a cry that echoes through the room.

xiūmin follows moments later, burying himself deep inside you with a guttural groan, his body shuddering as he spills into you.

for a moment, all that fills the room is the sound of heavy breathing, the lingering tremors of pleasure humming through both of you. he presses a soft kiss to your forehead, a contrast to the intensity of what just happened.

“told ya you'd like it,” he murmurs against your skin, smug and satisfied.

with what little strength you have left, you manage a breathless laugh. “i loved it.”

his smirk returns, darker this time. “good. because next time, i’m making you beg for it.”

⟢ läy

“eat it like i need an apron on! eat it ‘til i need to change my thong!”

läy starts slow. agonizingly slow.

his lips are soft as they graze over the inside of your thighs, planting open-mouthed kisses along your sensitive skin, tongue darting out to taste the warmth of your body. his breath is hot, heavy, teasing. he knows what you want, knows how badly you need him between your legs, but he takes his time.

“you’re already so wet,” he murmurs, nosing against your clothed core, his voice rough with something dark, something hungry. “i haven’t even touched you properly yet.”

his fingers ghost over your hips, gripping just tight enough to make you squirm, just firm enough to let you know you aren’t going anywhere. then, finally, he leans in and drags his tongue up the center of your lace-covered slit, slow and deliberate.

a whimper leaves your lips. your hips lift off the bed, seeking more friction, but läy’s hands are there to press you back down.

“be patient,” he chides, but his voice is thick with need.

he presses his mouth against you fully this time, lips sealing over the damp fabric, tongue working slow circles over your clit through the lace. the friction of it—the way the fabric catches just slightly, the heat of his mouth dampening it further—makes you arch against him, your fingers threading into his hair, pulling him closer.

“one,” you breathe, already trembling.

his laugh is dark, warm, reverberating against your core. “one already?” he teases, licking at you again, this time with more pressure, more intent.

your answer is a broken moan.

he flattens his tongue and drags it up your slit again, the lace sticking wetly to your folds, your arousal soaking through as he laps at you like he’s savoring every drop. his fingers dig into your thighs as he holds you still, his mouth working you over until your vision blurs, pleasure cresting through your body.

“two,” you choke out, and läy hums approvingly, his tongue flicking over your clit just right, sending another jolt of pleasure straight through you.

your legs shake as he keeps going, undeterred by your gasping breaths, your restless hips. his hands tighten around your thighs, pushing them wider as he angles himself deeper. then, with slow, deliberate precision, he tilts his head and uses his tongue to push the lace aside, baring you to him completely.

“fuck,” he breathes.

his eyes flick up to yours, and the heat in his gaze makes your stomach flip, makes your breath catch in your throat.

“so pretty,” he murmurs before dipping his head back down.

this time, there's nothing between you. no fabric, no barrier—just his mouth, hot and wet, sealing over your cunt like he wants to drown in you.

his tongue slides deep, licking into you before dragging up to flick over your clit again. his nose presses against you, his lips closing around your swollen bud, sucking gently, then harder, and your hands clutch at the sheets, at his hair, at anything you can grab onto as he devours you.

“three,” you gasp, your body already teetering on the edge again.

he doesn’t slow. doesn’t stop. his fingers slide through your slick folds before pressing into you, curling against that sweet spot inside you, the one that makes you cry out his name. he works you open with practiced ease, fucking you with his fingers as his tongue works over your clit, coaxing you into another mind-numbing release.

“four,” you sob, thighs shaking around his head, but he only groans in response, the sound vibrating against your clit, making you tremble even harder.

he doesn’t give you time to recover. doesn’t let up. his fingers press deeper, his tongue moving faster, and before you know it, your body is seizing up again, another orgasm crashing through you so hard that you can’t even form words, can’t even count.

“five,” you whisper, barely audible.

and then, finally, he pulls back, his lips and chin glistening with your slick, his eyes dark with something insatiable.

you’re still catching your breath when he shifts onto his knees, hands moving to his belt, unbuckling it with slow, deliberate movements. your heart stutters as he unbuttons his pants, dragging the zipper down, freeing himself from the confines of his clothes.

his cock is hard, flushed, dripping, and he wraps a hand around the base, stroking himself once, twice, as he looks down at you with a smirk that sends a fresh wave of arousal pooling between your thighs.

“okay,” he says, positioning himself between your legs, rubbing the thick head of his cock over your oversensitive clit.

and then he sinks into you, slow and deep, and you swear you see stars.

“fuck,” läy groans, forehead pressing against yours, his hands gripping your thighs as he bottoms out. “angel… you’re—” his words cut off into a sharp exhale, his jaw clenching as he struggles to hold himself together.

you’re gripping him so tight, wrapped around him so perfectly, your walls pulsing, clinging onto him like you never want to let go. and fuck, he’s barely keeping it together.

“läy”, you whimper, rolling your hips up, desperate to feel more, to push him deeper.

his hands tighten on you instinctively, his fingers digging into your flesh like he's trying to ground himself, like he's trying not to lose himself completely in the heat of you.

“you're so fucking tight,” he mutters, his voice rough, wrecked. “i can’t—fuck, i can’t—”

but you don’t let him finish.

your hands reach up, fingers curling around the back of his neck, tugging him closer until your lips brush against his, your breath mingling with his.

“don’t hold back,” you whisper, eyes locking onto his, and something in him snaps.

his control slips. his hips jerk forward, burying himself as deep as he can go, and a choked moan spills from his lips at the way you squeeze around him.

“baby,” he groans, and you swear you can feel his cock twitch inside you, the way his body trembles with the effort of keeping himself from coming too soon.

but you want him to.

you want to push him past the edge, to make him lose himself in you the way he just made you fall apart over and over again.

so you move.

you plant your feet against the bed and lift your hips, fucking yourself up onto him, dragging him deeper, meeting every one of his thrusts with desperate, rolling movements that make his breath hitch and his arms shake.

“fuck—fuck, angel—” he gasps, and his hands fly to your waist, trying to slow you down, trying to hold on, but you don’t let him.

you pull him closer, your grip on his neck tightening, your lips brushing against his ear as you whisper, “cum for me, baby. give it to me.”

his groan is guttural, a deep, broken sound as his hips snap forward, movements turning erratic, frantic, desperate.

“fuck—i'm—” he chokes out, his head dropping to your shoulder as he buries himself as deep as he can go, hips pressing flush against yours as he spills into you, white-hot pleasure crashing over him in waves.

he moans your name, his hands gripping you like a lifeline as he grinds into you, making sure every last drop is buried deep inside.

your fingers tangle into his damp hair, your lips pressing soft, slow kisses against his temple as his breathing evens out, as he slowly comes down from the high of it all.

“you okay?” you murmur, still holding him close.

he lifts his head, and his gaze is soft, warm, so full of something tender that it makes your chest ache.

“yeah,” he breathes, a lazy smile curling at the edges of his lips. “i just… think i fell completely fucking in love with you.”

your heart stutters.

“yeah?” you tease, your fingers tracing circles against the nape of his neck. “that good, huh?”

his laugh is quiet, sweet, and he presses a lingering kiss to your lips before murmuring against them, “it’s always that good with you.”

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* masterlist ° ᡣ𐭩 .

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xiubaek-13 · 6 months ago

Text

Requested: No

Genre: Canon-AU, smut

Pairing: ? (at this stage undecided) x Reader or is it Baekhyun x Reader ?

Warnings: 18+ fic, minors DNI! angst, fluff, suggestive text, making out, confessions of feelings. Not many warnings for this one but she's deeply in her head for a decent portion of this chapter.

Word Count: 22,599

A/N: Here it is. The final chapter. Like most of my writing in the back half of this fic, it was supposed to be considerable shorter but then I let the brain worms control my fingers and now you get this behemoth of an ending. It's only had one very quick edit so I hope it makes sense and isn't a let down.

7 years ago I knew the ending for this fic, but when I was plotting out the chapter that ending simply didn't fit anymore so we've got a new ending and I hope it doesn't let you down.

The flight home left you with a lot of time to think. You had asked Minseok and Baekhyun to let the rest of the guys know about your meeting, telling them that Junmyeon could probably fill in more of the details that you’d left out when you’d broken the news to them. Your mind had been focused on getting to Minseok’s reward at the time, so discussing the feedback you’d received in great detail was not front of mind.

Feeling overwhelmed with your own thoughts, you’d also asked them to tell everyone that you had requested some space. From them. You just couldn’t handle any of them right now. You’d assured Minseok & Baek when you’d all woken up the next morning that they hadn’t overstepped or done anything, but that your mind was too busy and too much for you right now. The internal storm had been brewing for quite some time but you’d constantly pushed it down, too busy to deal with silly things like the future, feelings and relationships. But once the tour ended and the rewards were completed (inconveniently on the same night) it all came crashing down on you. The floodgates had been opened and you didn’t know how to act normal and not drown in your own mind at the same time. You needed space to simply exist. Space to sort out your mind before you did something utterly stupid and reckless. You’d promised to never disappear on them again without talking to them, and whilst you felt a bit guilty for withdrawing from them like that you had provided warning, and as much context as you could. Baekhyun refused to let you leave until you promised him you weren’t self-destructing. That you weren’t going to disappear and not respond to them.

“You said you wouldn’t do that again. You said you’d lean on at least one of us when you were struggling.” He said, his eyes full of concern as he watched you nervously pace around the room.

“It’s different this time. I’m not sad, or feeling lonely or headed to a dark place mentally.” You stopped in the middle of the room as you tried to hold off the panic attack that you could feel building within you. You needed to go. You needed to be away from it all. You needed them to understand. “It’s just loud. And overwhelming. And I need time to be by myself to sort through everything.”

“But you’re asking us to not contact you.” He looked down at his hands. “How will we know if you’re ok?”

“It won’t be for long. I hope. Just give me a week, then Minseok or Kyungsoo can check in to make sure I’m ok.” You said.

“Why not me?” He asked so quietly that you barely heard the words.

“Because I know they’ll just check in with me and nothing more until I’m ready to chat.” You smiled at him. “You wouldn’t be able to help yourself. You yap. It’s just part of who you are.”

“I hate this.” He grumbled.

“I don’t like it either, but I’ll do it.” Minseok replied. He looked worried for you as well, but he could tell you weren’t going to bend on this request. He didn’t want to back you into a corner. He knew if any of them did that, they ran the risk of you running from them. He hated to see you struggle with your thoughts but he hoped he knew you well enough to know that you’d reach out if you needed to lean on them. Even if you weren’t ready.

“Fine. I’ll do it as well, but know that I truly do not like this. Not one bit.” He sighed, resigned to your decision. He realised his words may have come across too harsh when he saw guilt flash across your features. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad. I’m just worried and wish I, or any of us, could help.”

You nodded. “I get it. I would hate it if any of you did this to me. Trust me I feel shitty about it, but I need to go deal with some stuff that I’ve been putting to the side because I simply didn’t have time to process it.” You shifted nervously on your feet, itching to leave the room. You felt your heart rate increase, and breathing was becoming difficult. You had to leave before your panic was obvious to them. You weren’t sure why you were so wound up this morning, but you knew you just needed to get away from the people who paid too much attention to you. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

You knew that they had conveyed your wishes when the group chat you’d been added to, one that had been busy that morning with members arguing over the best American breakfast sandwich, just stopped. The messages just abruptly ended. It left a bittersweet feeling in your heart. On one hand, they were only respecting your request for space to think, but on the other, having nine large personalities all fall quiet at the same time made you feel lonely. You hadn’t realised how much they had integrated themselves into your life, and you theirs until then. You might not see them every day but their presence was always felt. Through messages bickering with each other, reminding you to eat, dumb selfies, silly jokes, recommendations for movies or tv shows, unflattering photos of the others. They were always there. Until now. Now it was as though they’d all simply ceased to exist. It was weird. It felt wrong.

You’d travelled back to Korea with the other staff members. No one found that strange as there was no reason for any of the guys to request your presence for a lesson - the tour was over. You mindlessly watched movies until you fell asleep. Dealing with the onslaught of thoughts and feelings was not something you were going to do on a long haul flight. Having a breakdown 30,000 feet above the ocean was not on your bucket list. Did you shed a tear or two at certain scenes in the movies you watched because they reminded you of certain people? Maybe. But lucky for you the staff were all equally exhausted and happy to sleep for the majority of the return trip. Once you landed the guys were called to the company whilst you and multiple other staff members were told to go home and rest. You were beyond thankful to be told to go home because that was the only thing you wanted to do. You wanted the safety of the familiar four walls of your apartment. The comfort of your bed. Maybe all you needed was a really long sleep and then you’d be less of an emotional wreck. You didn’t think you’d overworked yourself but maybe you were wrong?

It was quiet in your apartment. Not that that was a new thing. No, the new thing was that you knew it would remain quiet. There would not be a knock on your door from a bored neighbour who wanted to raid your snack cupboard and hide from their roommates. There would be no flurry of messages to your phone or late night calls. It was probably a good thing. If this feeling that you were experiencing, like teetering on the edge of an abyss of panic, was anything to go by then you were probably deluding yourself if you thought it was purely related to being exhausted from work.

No, if you actually thought about it, you realised that it was the culmination of a few things. First there was the fact that your contract was over and you didn’t know what was next for you, or how their CEO would respond to the work you’d done. Second was the fact that you had been sexually intimate with each of the members. You thought you’d kept the interpersonal relationship side of things separate from the sex but now your mind was throwing every ‘what if’ in the book at you. Were they your friends?, were they colleagues?, did any of them now want nothing to do with you because you’d been with the others?, did any of them want more from you?, did you want more from any of them?, did you ruin everything? Your mind was in full spiral mode, with no exits in sight. You were unfortunately in for the ride, even if you did not want to be.

You knew you needed to sit down and dwell in your thoughts and work out what to do about the nine very special men who were woven into your heart, each one you had slept with, but did you feel something more than friendship and attraction to any of them? Was it simply a working relationship that you’d sprinkled some highly unprofessional fun into or did you have romantic interest in any or all of them? You’d avoided thinking about this very thing for weeks now, always telling yourself that you were too busy with lessons. Now you were forced to address it. No one would come distract you, and there was no work to be done, and if you didn’t address it? Well it seemed like you were destined for a full blown mental breakdown if you left it to fester.

You were officially off the clock until the CEO summoned you so you had nothing but time to sit and dwell on your thoughts and feelings. Naturally you decided to clean your apartment instead. Then reorganise the kitchen, do all of your washing, make your bed and organise your desk. It was when your thumb was hovering over the call button for your parents that you snapped out of your procrastination spiral and forced your brain to start unraveling the mess that was your relationship with the EXO members.

Like every other time you’d had to solve a seemingly large problem, you took out a notebook and pen and began to make notes. It wasn’t a pros and cons list, rather, it was your jumbled thoughts spewed out onto a page. You’d always worked best with problem solving when you had something to annotate. You needed visual logic cues if you were to concentrate on this long enough to deal with it. When you looked down at the page it was one very messy web of unfiltered thoughts. Seeing it all on the page didn’t ease your worries like it usually did. For some reason this felt bigger, like it was more important than you could perceive.

The crux of the issue still seemed to be that they were your friends before you took on the role of teaching them English, then after they became colleagues you rather quickly implemented the reward system. Then came the issue of involving sex, but honestly, apart from some prying and joking the guys hadn’t changed in how they acted towards you. If anything some were more affectionate with you but that was never in a sexual way. They understood that the system was there for the lessons and if you excluded Minseok and Baekhyun - all sex acts were contained within the lesson rewards or punishments. Yixing was playful, but only because he knew he could get away with it. He never tried for more than being close to you, and you knew he cared about you (especially since the day at the Han River, and because he wasn’t always around), but you didn’t think he was pining for you though it was sometimes difficult to gauge what he was feeling. Junmyeon was a gentleman and rarely brought up anything to do with the reward arrangement. Chanyeol, Jongdae and Sehun liked to make suggestive comments and jokes but that was mostly in. Sehun had been clingy before all of this anyway. Kyungsoo was another who was difficult to read. He’d never tried anything after the reward, but he was sweet to you, and very familiar with you in a way he hadn’t been beforehand. Jongin was a sweetheart before and after, and you were pretty sure his reward was just an experience for him and nothing more. Minseok and you… well that has basically been a friends with benefits situation however neither of you appeared to be trying to push that arrangement into something more at present. You were both more than capable of hanging out and not fucking.

Baekhyun presented a whole other problem. Your relationship with him had never been normal. The sexually charged banter had been there from the very beginning and only built as things went on. The day at the Han River proved that he cared about you enough to find you and help you. You enjoyed his company which wasn’t to say you didn’t enjoy all of their company, but with him it was different. Wasn’t it? You weren’t sure. The relationship that grew between the two of you had been sexually charged thanks to your drunken flirting very early on in the scheme of things but he’d never shied away from it - as long as you weren’t a drunken mess. The flirting had continued and your encounters always seemed to teeter on the precipice of taking that next step, but ended in delayed gratification so it was impossible for you to decipher if you had felt so strongly because you’d craved his body and his touch or if it was something more.

You paused in your deliberations to order some food. All this thinking was making you hungry and your mother had always told you to never make important decisions while hungry. It was something you’d lived by and you weren't about to stray from it now. A decision made while hungry could very well just be the impulsive choice rather than the choice you might make once hunger wasn’t making you impatient. Hangry was never a helpful state to be in.

What were you even trying to figure out? Did you want to date all of them? Was that even a possibility? It would be hard enough to date one idol, let alone nine of them. How would that work? You knew people back home who were in successful polycules but like, they were on the smaller side and had a more even split of gender. That and the fact that they weren’t also hugely famous in a highly conservative country and would receive backlash for anyone they dated. If you dated all nine of them, you would be the only woman and as far as you were aware, none of them were all that interested in exploring each other in that way. Did you feel that way about them? I felt like it had to be an all or nothing situation for it to be fair. You didn’t ask your brain what kind of logic that was because it made sense to you at the time. So would you be ok if you didn’t pursue anything more with any of them? Would remaining close friends with them be enough for you, or them? God you hadn’t even considered if any of them were romantically interested in you. How embarrassing would it be to make a decision only for it to be the opposite of their decision? Could your heart handle that rejection if you were dealing with freshly discovered feelings? You stood up and did a full body shake in a feeble attempt at releasing the building anxiety from your body. You needed to focus on one question at a time. Were you romantically interested in all of them?

You weren’t sure. It was complicated.

If you didn’t want all of them, would you be fine with just being friends with them?

Again, you weren’t sure. All this thinking was making your head hurt. The lack of answers you were providing yourself wasn’t helping your anxiety in the slightest. Maybe you should just finish your food, go to bed and try again in the morning? You probably had jet lag. That couldn’t be helping.

Did you want any of them in that way? Did any of them want you in that way? If you were just friends with them, would you be ok watching them date other people? Could you be happy for them? Your heart felt heavy and you were no closer to working out why. You closed your notebook and got into bed, hoping the cocoon of your blankets could wash away some of the worries and panic.

Sleep was elusive. You tossed and turned for what felt like the entire night because you could not switch your brain off. It wasn’t supplying any new information nor was it being productive in any way. No, instead it was showing you all of the worst case scenario outcomes from your possible decisions. Thoughts of being doxxed for dating any of them, sasaengs hurting you or any of them, calls from antis to have the group disband or certain members thrown out. All of it haunted your sleep deprived brain. When your thoughts drifted to the possibility of you being deported over dating any of them, you finally heaved a sigh, called your mind an idiot and somehow fell asleep. It was more likely that you passed out from exhaustion at that point, too drained mentally to remain conscious. The dreams were just snapshots of all these awful thoughts. Your subconscious must have felt bad for you as it sprinkled in small glimpses of the happy endings where everything worked out. Little bursts of colour surrounded these moments, like it was really trying its best to show you there could be good outcomes.

Warmth and laughter in their company, locked lips and entwined limbs, waking up in someone’s arms, secretive dates, happy smiles. Small glimpses of building a happy home together, of not dating but still hanging out and enjoying being with your friends. Feeling whole, and loved. Even dreaming you were no closer to a resolution than before.

A new day brought distractions. So be it if those distractions were ones you forced upon yourself, they were still distractions dammit. You took yourself out for a walk in a feeble attempt at clearing your mind only to find yourself standing in front of an aquarium in Gangnam. Water always grounded you when your thoughts became too loud, and since you couldn’t sit at the beach, staring out at the waves for hours like you could in your hometown, an aquarium was the next best thing. Something about walking through enclosures below the water with sea life surrounding you was calming. It was serene and quiet. You allowed your mind to go blank as you made your way through the different exhibits, reading the fun facts that were put next to each enclosure.

You learned about the sharks that could reproduce asexually, never needing the company of others to keep themselves afloat. Sharks were always so interesting to watch. A terrifying predator who seemingly feared nothing, but to you they were also these goofy looking creatures because of their teeth. There were too many and they were too sharp but it also made them look kind of ridiculous when they were simply existing. You had an appreciation for them. They were unbothered creatures, content to simply exist, only attacking for survival whether that be for sustenance or to defend themselves. They let specific creatures into their personal space, never attacking them, but seeming to simply coexist. Those suckerfish - that you now found out were actually called Remora - helped the sharks and in turn the sharks helped them. It seemed like a simple relationship. You imagined that one day they just attached themselves to the sharks and never let go and for some reason, the shark just let it happen.

The tropical exhibit was vibrant and massive. You had to stop yourself from reciting lines from Finding Nemo lest you appear like a crazy foreigner talking to themselves. You knew a lot of the facts about these creatures from your studies at school but there were some things they had left out of your textbooks, probably to avoid teachers having to explain certain concepts to children. Concepts like polyamorous fish. Yeah, those existed. Well, technically the marine biologists simply documented that certain species of tropical fish mated with multiple partners. So one couldn’t explicitly state that the fish were polyamorous, but maybe that term was better than saying the fish were swingers. It was a ridiculous concept to think about. The inner working relationships of fish. Maybe you were losing your mind.

You moved on to see the seals being fed. You always found them to be a deceptive creature. ‘Looks like a friend but is most definitely not a friend’ was the label you’d always associated with them. Growing up you’d been to a marine park and been in awe of the cute seals who did tricks for rewards in the form of fish. You even had a photo with a seal posed next to you. You remembered that it was heavy, very wet and its breath stank of fish, but it was pretty chill. Your cousin snuck you into a section you weren’t supposed to go to, where they were rehabilitating other animals - mainly dolphins and seals. He knew about a specific seal species that looked adorable and said he wanted to show it to you. He left out the part where this particular species ate penguins and other seals. He waited until you were home, talking to anyone who would listen about the world’s prettiest seal, about how they must be the sweetest and most amazing seals to ever exist. He waited until you were so enamoured by them that you were almost going to claim them as your new favourite animal to show you a section of a documentary of that specific species hunting. You had nightmares for weeks. Thankfully the seals in this enclosure were not the leopard seals of your childhood nightmares. It did remind you to call your cousin to catch up and remind him of how much he terrorised you as a child.

You spent way too long watching the penguins in the arctic exhibit. They appeared to be nesting, at least that was the conclusion you arrived at. There were penguins lying in little circles made of rocks and ice, a nest you supposed, while their mate searched the enclosure for the perfect pieces of ice and rocks before bringing them back and placing them in the nest (you assumed they were mates since they kept returning to the same nest, never straying to a different penguin. That and you knew penguins mated for life, so if they weren’t mates then they were definitely courting the penguin they thought could be their mate). It was such a simple act but you found that you simply couldn’t leave the viewing window, entranced by such a simple act of love.

When you finally left the aquarium a few hours later you felt more at peace than you had in weeks. By no means was your mind clear, but the chaotic tornado that had taken up residence in there was now more of a light breeze as all your worries quietened down, allowing you to logically sift through them. You allowed yourself to believe that you had in fact, been successful at teaching EXO English. The tour was successful and you hadn’t been required to step in very often during their ments or interviews. For a group with poor prior experience with learning English you had basically done the impossible. You managed to let go of the stigma that had clouded your mind for the past few weeks that was constantly telling you they were only succeeding because of the sex, but really if all they took from your lessons was the sex then they still would have failed miserably at their ments and interviews. Something you did stuck, and whether it was because you were someone they knew and trusted was kind of beside the point. You took the time to learn how each of them would learn the best from you, and tailored sessions to maximise their recall of their ments. And it fucking worked. You should really allow yourself to feel your oats more often than you did. The cloud of self depreciation that had been looming and trying to take root was dissolved. You did a good job. Others had told you so, you knew it to be true. You just had to be consistent in telling your self doubt to go fuck itself when it next tried to diminish your achievements. You felt a little lighter than you had this morning, one less voice causing chaos in your mind.

Riding on your good mood, you decided to take a walk through the nearby night markets, enjoying food from the street vendors and looking at the pretty wares others had on offer. You resisted the urge to buy gifts for the guys - this was a day for you, not a day for you to revert to stressing over if you would be giving a gift as a friend, as a romantic partner, or as a farewell. For now you simply took in the craftsmanship of the trinkets, clothing and jewellery on offer - deciding that you would go to more night markets in the future. The streets were so full of life, bustling with a palpable energy that was infectious. You loved it. The streets were illuminated with soft and pretty lights, making you feel like you were walking through a little fairytale rather than the streets of Seoul. It was an impressive feat for this small section of such a bright and bustling city to achieve.

Eventually you decided it was time to begin the journey back towards your apartment. You wanted to call your family, possibly a friend as well, just to update them on your life as a translator overseas. Now that you actually recognised the work that you had done you knew you could feel confident talking to them about it. Talking about it to someone outside of the business might also help bring other things you were worried about into focus. You headed home with your head held high, finally feeling good about the work you had done these past months.

Speaking with your parents and your closest friend back home helped you unpack more of your thoughts. Ones you wouldn’t have realised if you hadn’t had to conceal certain aspects of your life over here. Describing the boys as acquaintances then colleagues felt weird and wrong, but you knew you had to hide the friendship to an extent. After all, they didn’t know how damaging that kind of news could be if it got out and they would not feel the need to keep that information to themselves. You knew they’d just say you were overreacting if you told them not to tell anyone about it, so you simply kept that from them. It was easier this way even if it felt off. They meant more than you could tell your parents.

You’d always worried that your family wouldn’t be proud of you for taking a job in a foreign country and leaving as quickly as you did. You’d expected to cop an earful from your mother for not calling her more often but you were pleasantly surprised to hear how many questions she had about your work - how was your boss, how did they assign clients, were they treating you well, were the hours humane, were the conditions fair, did you get sufficient pay and time off. The list was endless. You answered all of her questions to the best of your ability without breaching your contract or giving away incriminating details. Your father wanted to know all about your living conditions, was it in a good neighbourhood, was the security good, were you safe, were you being smart when you left the house. You allowed him to nag you since that was his love language - fretting about his daughter's safety. He even convinced you to hang up and call again on video so you could show him your apartment and so they could see your face, to make sure you were being truthful about eating and sleeping well. Definitely not because they also missed you terribly. Once you had appeased them, promising no less than five times that you were keeping out of trouble, were eating well and getting enough sleep, did they allow you to ask them questions about life after you left home. It was comforting to talk to them, even if it made you miss them terribly - you longed for a warm hug from each of them more than you wanted to admit. You dodged questions of romance, citing that you were far too busy with work to date. You also had to explain how dating culture was different here, and once they knew how much faster relationships began your father was much happier to know that you weren’t dating. You’d die if he knew what you had been doing though.

You eventually told them that you were at the end of the current contract you were on and that you were awaiting a final evaluation to see if the company you had been on contract with wanted to keep you on for other projects or if your boss would be assigning you to a new company to work with new artists. Your father could tell from your voice that you were feeling anxious about being in limbo. He told you to rest assured that you did the best work you could, and that your successes would be noticed. He told you that if they renewed your contract that would be great because you already had rapport and knew your way around the company building, feeling comfortable with that environment but he also told you that if they didn’t, that it wouldn’t take long for your boss to find you a new company because of your achievements on your current contract, and that change wasn’t a bad thing. It could lead to bigger and brighter things. Your mother was always good at talking out the minutiae of a problem with you but your father could pinpoint what you needed to hear and ease your busy mind. It was a trait you were thankful he had because it was what you needed right now. You talked for a long time after that, catching up on everything you had missed in their lives, on tv shows, the news, gossip around town. Your mother could harp on about anything if you let her. Eventually you had to try and wind up the conversation, you did have another call to make after all. After promising to call more often they let you go so you could call your closest friend.

Speaking with her went exactly as you thought it would. First there was a lot of nagging about how you never called or told her anything, how you’d abandoned her for the rich and famous clients you had. That you’d probably snagged some uber rich and hot guy and forgotten all about little old her. Then came the endless I miss you’s followed by all the things she’d been dying to tell you. You got wildly sidetracked as you caught up on her life, her new boyfriend, her work, her plans and seemingly endless tangents. She was the kind of friend who could easily take over a conversation, something she had often had to do in the past. There were times where you just preferred to go quiet and let others lead the small talk. You preferred topics that interested you when meeting new people because you had something to contribute, and surface level conversation kind of bored you. You could do it, and did when work required it of you, but in your personal life you were often much more reserved in conversation with strangers. There was probably something to unpack there but you chose to ignore that for now.

You went through a similar interrogation about work and life in Korea with her, though she pressed for far more details than your parents did since she had some idea that you were working with idols. You managed to avoid incriminating yourself in any way but you knew this would not be the last time she pressed you for information. She had a knack for knowing when things were left unsaid, and boy did you leave a lot of things about your situation unsaid. When you got to the topic of your current employment potentially coming to an end she made similar points to your father, though she added that the more people you worked for in the entertainment sector, the more likely it was for you to meet some amazing guy. You almost choked on your laughter at that. Once again you had to promise to contact her more often before she would let you get off the phone with her.

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: Don’t think for a moment that I didn’t pick up on the fact that something is going on with you.

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: I won’t push you for an explanation yet, but know that I’m here for you love. Anytime.

She was too perceptive for her own good. You hated and loved her for it.

[9:21PM] You: Nothing gets past you does it? I should have known you’d pick up on it. I’m not ready to talk about it yet, still wading through my thoughts etc. But thank you bby. ILYSM <3

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: <3 Talk to me when you’re ready to unpack everything in that pretty little head of yours. ILYSM2

The calls left you feeling even more grounded and settled in your emotions. Your mind continued to be quiet and calm as you got ready for bed, hoping you would get a decent night's sleep and continue your ‘me’ time tomorrow. After all you still had to wade through your feelings about the guys, where everything between the lot of you stood now and where things were going. You weren’t sure that you could fully work out your feelings without talking to them, which could go horribly wrong but you were just too confused. You knew one thing for certain, you had to tell them that there had to be no more sex related things between any of you until this whole thing was worked out. That obviously meant no stress relief fucking with Minseok, but also had to include suggestive comments and jokes. You just weren’t sure if anything could be taken at face value, or if there was more to it.

You promised yourself that if you still felt calm and clear in your thoughts by tomorrow afternoon that you would reach out to the guys. Sure they were giving you space now, but you weren’t so naive to believe that this would continue if you reached a week with zero contact. Sure Minseok or Kyungsoo would message you but you’d rather not let it reach that point if you could help it. You knew them well enough to know that they’d start to worry, and then they’d jump to conclusions that it was somehow their fault that you weren’t talking to them. That was something you wanted to avoid. You weren’t the only one capable of spiralling in your thoughts.

***

Thankfully sleep came easily for you. The bed was comfy, the sheets a perfect texture and the room was cool, allowing you to snuggle into a blanket burrito and sleep deeply. You awoke the next day feeling well rested and more at peace than you’d felt in weeks. You promised to give yourself until the afternoon to make contact and you planned on honoring that self imposed promise so you headed out on another stroll since the weather was yet again pleasant. First stop was the coffee shop for your daily dose of sugar in liquid form (also known as an iced chocolate) and a flaky pastry. Today that was a blueberry danish. With your tasty treats in hand, you set off through the closest park, hoping to find a duck pond to sit by while you ate. There was no reason or tradition for the dunk pond, you just liked being near water when you wanted to get lost in thought.

As luck would have it, you did find a pond, sadly barren, with no ducks, but it still had the desired effect of being an idyllic backdrop for you. You made a mental list of the things you needed to complete before returning to your apartment. 1. Get groceries so you could cook yourself some meals for the next week. 2. Buy some new clothes and accessories before the season changes so you wouldn’t be caught out. 3. Visit a nearby corgi cafe so you could give some fluffballs your love. 4. Buy a couple of gifts to send home to your parents and closest friend. It wasn’t too overwhelming, but it should keep you occupied until it was time to reach out to the guys. You probably wouldn’t check off the final item today, that would require a future visit to the night markets.

Groceries were reasonably simple. After talking with your family you suddenly craved a simple western meal so you’d decided on some pan cooked chicken with roasted vegetables and a salad. If you seasoned each chicken breast slightly different it would change up your meals enough each night for you to not grow bored of them. You managed to successfully buy some new clothes and accessories to put away for the next season and then spent two blissfully happy hours at the corgi cafe. You were constantly being prodded with little paws or wet noses asking for pats and treats. You were quite literally covered in fur but you didn’t care. They were so cute and getting to spend time with them really filled the part of you that desperately wanted a pet. You’d have one one day, when the time was right and you could dedicate yourself to training and giving them all the affection in your being.

With a little tri-coloured corgi resting his head on your lap you let your thoughts drift. When would you get the call from Mr. Kim? At this point you just wanted to have your meeting so you could stop weighing up the uncertainty of your professional future. Once that was set then you knew you could much more easily discuss where things either should or should not progress with the guys. That moment of clarity for what you wanted in that respect remained elusive. You knew that you wanted them in your life, and whilst the thought of nothing more than friendship didn’t entirely sit well with you (you still couldn’t pinpoint why that was), you knew you could do that if that’s all they wanted from you. You felt something for each of them but you hadn’t fallen hard for anyone, a feat that you thanked your guarded heart for immensely. There was closeness, attraction and lust but no deep romantic love. You could see yourself falling if you opened your heart to it and if it was reciprocated by them, but for now you were safe from heartbreak if they didn’t have interest in you like that.

You’d thought about what you’d do if more than one, or oddly if all of them wanted some sort of arrangement with you. You’d decided that you weren’t opposed to the idea, but only if certain ground rules were in place to keep everyone safe. If they were opposed to a more polyamorous relationship then you would step back and remain their friend. You refused to allow them to fight and potentially damage their relationships with each other - both personally and professionally - over dating you. It could be seen as a clinical approach but the reality was that they were at the peak of their careers right now and you would not allow the prospect of dating you to get in the way of that. You weren’t that important, you couldn’t be. There was also the secretive nature of whatever relationship you all moved forward with. Male idols were not supposed to be close with other women, that only led to dating scandals which was another thing you wanted to avoid at all costs.

Ultimately you had to talk to the guys and lay all of your thoughts out for them. They had to know where you stood and then you had to give them time to work out where they stood and what they wanted. Would that be an awkward as fuck conversation? Yes. Was it necessary? Also yes. It was time. No more radio silence. No more dwelling. You quickly sent off a message before you could talk yourself into taking another day to sit with your thoughts.

[6:13PM] You: Are you guys busy?

The response was almost instantaneous. You hoped that didn’t mean they were hanging out by their phones waiting to hear from you.

[6:13PM] Junmyeon: Noona! It’s nice to hear from you :)

[6:13PM] Junmyeon: We all just got home. Do you need something?

His words calmed you a little. It was his usual routine to check his phone as soon as he got home. Then he did his best to ignore it for a few hours, only answering if a manager or family member called.

[6:14PM] You: I was hoping I could come up and have a chat with everyone?

[6:14PM] You: But like, only if you’re all free and ok to have me over. I’m sure you’re all still tired.

You might be offering to have this meeting but that did not mean you weren’t incredibly anxious about it. You’d kept your thoughts at bay for almost two days but as soon as you put the talk on the table all of your fears resurfaced. What if they were mad at you? What if you’d read too much into this relationship? What if you caused a rift in the group? You didn’t want to be EXO’s Yoko.

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: Nonsense. Come on up.

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: They’d kill me if I didn’t invite you up here and you know it.

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: All I’ve heard since we boarded the plane is whiny men. Get your ass up here and put me out of my misery!

You laughed at that. You could practically see him pouting as he typed the messages out to you. It didn’t seem like they were mad, but a small part of you also began to worry that they were too prone to overreacting. You shut that down when you reminded yourself that you’d basically cut them off cold turkey right at the end of the tour. The only people who had spent time with you after that final concert were Minseok and Baekhyun, and only them and Junmyeon knew about your meeting, unless they’d told the others about it. After all you had said they could do that.

[6:15PM] You: It’s barely been 36 hours. You guys are maybe a little too codependent on me.

[6:15PM] You: But fine, I’ll be up in like 30 mins. Is that enough time for you to round everyone up?

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: You know we love you, but it was the radio silence and request to not contact you that sent them in a tailspin.

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: Not that I’m mad, just to be clear. I get it, but they lowkey freaked out.

Yeah, that checked out. You needed to just get home and go see your ragtag bunch of idiots who seemed to care about you more than you ever thought they would. However you also need to stop whatever attempt at ‘down with the cool kids’ lingo Junmyeon was trying to achieve. He already got teased enough for being the old man of the group and poorly inserting lingo that was clearly out of place in his vernacular was not going to help him.

[6:15PM] You: Don’t say lowkey, that’s not who you are.

[6:15PM] You: Sehun is probably the only one of you who can get away with saying that. Chanyeol and Baekhyun think they can, but the jury is out on whether or not they can.

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: I’m going to ignore that slander of my character. I’m up on current slang.

You actually facepalmed. Why was he like this? WHY.

[6:16PM] You: Seriously. STOP. You are in no way helping yourself here.

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: 30 minutes is fine. See you soon.

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: Just to check though, should I be emotionally prepared for some heartbreaking and serious talk? You rarely ask to speak to all of us at once.

You supposed it could come off as a we need to talk moment given the lack of context you’d provided. And it kind of was that, but also not? You really didn’t want them to freak out. Nine guys fretting would be too overwhelming for you.

[6:16PM] You: Semi serious, but nothing heavy. I just want to explain myself and where my head has been at so you all understand why I kind of just disappeared.

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: Bet. See you soon then <3

[6:17PM] You: You are too old to be saying bet. Who is teaching you this shit? You know what. Don’t answer that. Just stop saying ‘trend’ words. We both know you’re not cool enough to pull them off. No offence.

[6:17PM] You: See you soon. <3

[6:17PM] Junmyeon: Wow noona. Harsh. My lingo is on fleek, it's rude of you to not realise that.

[6:17PM] You: I’m never going to speak to you again.

[6:17PM] You: And I might have to cause bodily harm to whoever taught you this lingo.

You locked your phone before you cringed at any further attempts at current slang were sent to you. It was go time for you. Whether you were ready or not (you were not), the conversation was happening. Time to get your butt home and face the music. So to speak. You just hoped you weren’t about to fuck it all up.

***

Nine pairs of eyes stared back at you from the various spots in the living room. You stood awkwardly in front of the tv as you contemplated whether or not to find yourself a chair or if you were just going to stand here and speak. The choice ended up being made for you as Yixing brought a chair in for you to sit on. It was still placed in the centre of the room facing all of them, but it felt a little less intimidating to sit before speaking. Yixing’s fingers brushed over your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, before he moved back towards his place on the lounge.

You cleared your throat and decided to approach this as you would remove a bandaid - quickly. You knew the guys were all wondering what the cause of your no contact rule was and the sooner you put them out of their misery the better. It would be better for you as well because you would get at least this part of the conversation out of your brain. Your time at the aquarium had helped clear your thoughts, as had your walk through the city. You weren’t so sure if the evening sitting in your apartment spiralling in your thoughts helped, so this was your attempt at preventing that from happening again tonight while still putting some space between them and you while you sorted your shit out.

“I uh, I want to apologise for not speaking with any of you properly before we flew back from the tour.” You held up a hand to stop the immediate chorus of responses that were coming from the guys. “Please let me get all of this out before any of you speak otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to get through it.” Nine heads nodded at you and waited for you to continue.

“I got really in my head about everything and needed to take a step away from all of it, from everyone, while I tried to settle my thoughts.” You started. “First I worried that I hadn’t done a good job because I’d been unprofessional, but after I let myself spiral I realised that wasn’t true and that I had done a great job. I didn’t get to tell you after the last show ended but I could not be more proud of each and every one of you. Your English improved SO much and whilst a certain amount of that is on me, a huge part of that is on you for applying yourselves to the lessons and the study in order to make those improvements. You should also all be really proud of yourselves for the progress you’ve all made.” You couldn’t help but smile at them, pride shining through you. You were truly impressed at the work they’d put in and the results they’d shown in such a small timeframe. “Were part of the lessons and some of my conduct unprofessional? Yes, but I now believe that none of those things hindered your progress, nor were they the sole motivation for your improvements. Whether I’m wrong or right about this, I’m now choosing to believe that they were a pleasant bonus to all of this.”

Time for the big reveal. The thing that had been weighing on you, causing you to nearly have multiple panic attacks. The thing you were most scared about admitting to them. Would they thing you were overreacting or crazy? Would they understand? “My relationship with all of you also began to get muddled in my head by the end of the tour. We all met before I took on the role of teacher and prior to that we were all friends, and with more than one of you there was also an undercurrent of flirtation - regardless of whether any of us were going to act on it or not. Then I became someone who worked for you, who was quite literally on call for if you needed a lesson, in any setting and at any time of day. We were still friends but it did alter the relationship with you. Then I added in the reward/punishment system and that kind of threw a spanner in the works. We were all close, but inevitably when you add physical intimacy or sex to the equation it blurs the lines. My brain kept spiralling between ‘are we friends, colleagues, fuck buddies, in a relationship, did you never want to see me again, were you going to fight if any of us wanted a romantic relationship…’ so yeah, after the last night in America I withdrew into my head and just needed to be with my thoughts - as much as I really really really did not want to sift through them. I knew I needed to for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I hadn’t realised it but those thoughts had been building for quite some time and after all the lessons were over and all rewards or punishments received, those thoughts were relentless and overwhelming. I couldn’t ignore them any longer.”

You couldn’t stop talking. If you did, you were pretty sure you’d bottle everything up until you did what you were best at, running. It wasn’t a fair thought to have, but sadly you were in no state to control the cruelty of your thoughts. You just had to keep speaking and once you finished you hoped they understood. “As I’m sure Minseok and Baek told you, I had a meeting with the managers and Junmyeon to discuss my work and for feedback to be provided. Without going into too much detail, the meeting went well, but my future with SM hangs on your CEO. He was sent video of your ments and interviews while overseas to review as well as feedback from the managers, staff and yourselves. I will either be let go and my boss will find me a contract with another company - which will mean we won’t see each other as much or as freely - or I’ll be kept on one of two contracts with SM. Either an exclusive contract with EXO with allowances for freelance tutoring in my free time within SM, or a contract with SM where I would not be assigned any specific group but would be available at the company to provide lessons for existing artists and trainees. Either of those options would mean we would see more of each other, but the latter would mean we would not be able to speak as freely as we do now with each other.”

“I spent a lot of time stressing about what I wanted to happen and what possible scenarios could happen but I guess professionally any option is good for me as all options mean I remain working in this field and helping others improve their language skills. I stress over large changes in my life, not sure if that is something I’ve ever mentioned, but it’s a thing. Obviously.” You scoffed as you made a vague gesture at yourself and the clear state of stress you were in. “Personally, I don’t want to lose what we have. I cherish each of you and love that we’ve still been able to hang out and play around while we’re all working. I know we’d make it work if I have to go to another company but I know we would see each other significantly less than we do now.”

You took a deep breath. You hadn’t looked at any of them while you spoke. You knew if you saw their eyes you’d stop speaking. So you just couldn’t. Not yet. What if they looked at you with pity, anger, happiness, disgust, or worse - indifference. You could rationalise it if they felt something, but seeing them feel nothing when your mind had been fucking chaos might just be the straw that broke the camels back. You didn’t look at them. “So to sum up, I overthought everything, stressed, spiralled and withdrew from all of you which may or may not have been the right thing to do but I’m here now. I should know in a few days where my future lies work-wise but wanted to open the floor to discuss whatever this relationship we all have now is because I don’t think it is something I can resolve by myself. We don’t have to discuss it now, but I want you to think about it. I don’t know if you view me as a friend or as someone you want to pursue something with, or someone you no longer wish to see. I’m sorry to just dump all of this on you but I need to put it all out there, as much as I can right now anyway.”

You’d done it. You’d told them what had been going on in your mind. Mostly. You hadn’t discussed your feelings but you’d mentioned all possibilities so that had to count for something. You really just wanted to run and hide, to become invisible rather than be perceived right now, but you knew you had to remain in your spot and hear what they had to say. No matter what it was.

Chanyeol was the first to speak. He ran his hands through his hair as he tried to keep his tone even. “Not going to lie, this is a lot. I think I speak for all of us when I say that, and I think you know that. I appreciate you opening up to us about what was going on in your head, I'm sure we all do, even if it does leave us with more questions and discussions to have.”

You nodded. It was a lot. You knew it. You’d lived with all of it in your brain. It was only fair to give them time as well. That’s why you’d said you didn’t need to discuss it now.

Minseok was next to speak, he smiled softly at you, his own way of trying to calm your nerves even now. “I don’t think it’s something we should talk about tonight. You know as well as we do that we can be impulsive and that discussions can get heated quickly if we haven’t had time to choose our words. As weird as it will be I think we all need to take some time to think about what we want, and what will work best moving forward.”

You nodded again. You’d used all your words in speaking to them and now could bring yourself to speak.

“This is going to sound shitty noona, and for that I’m sorry but I don’t think there is a diplomatic way to put it, well at least not one that I can think of right now,” Junmyeon said, sighing as he had to be the guy to say it. “but we do need to consider how it might affect the group if one or more of us are interested in pursuing you, especially if it means some may be rejected. At the end of the day, EXO has to come first, and god I know that’s a shitty thing to say, but it’s something we need to think about and probably talk about amongst ourselves. No offence.” You knew someone would have to raise that point, and it was a valid one, one you’d thought about as well. It did make sense that it was their leader who was the one to say it. After all, he always did put the group above everything else.

You had to speak, nodding wouldn’t suffice in response to that. It would only make him feel like a jerk and that was the last thing you wanted him to feel. You cleared your throat and hoped you said the right things. “All valid points, and don’t worry, there’s no offence taken, Junmyeon. I’d also thought that you should all take some time away from me to think over what you want and to discuss with the group. If one or more of you wanting to pursue me would negatively affect the group then I don’t think anything more than friendship is possible.”

You paused. Would they think of this option if you didn’t raise it? You weren’t sure. But if it helped them with their deliberations then it was worth the level of embarrassment you were about to feel by simply suggesting it. “I guess the last thing for me to put out there is that after some thinking, I’m not opposed to exploring the possibility of a polyamorous type of situation if that is something you guys land on. However, I’m also not opposed to monogamy or just friendship with all of you. It might sound like I either don’t care that much or that I don’t know what I want, and the latter is somewhat true, but I did draw a line between what we were doing in the rewards versus hanging out outside of that and it prevented me from allowing too many feelings to take root. I’m not sure where any of you stand and I don’t want to know right now either since all of this” You gestured with your hand, waving it vaguely to indicate all of you. “Is so fresh and we all have a lot to consider, or not consider. I don’t know.” Breathe you told yourself. You had to breathe or you’d panic before this conversation ended. “I’ll hopefully have a follow up meeting in a couple of days and then will know what will be happening with the work aspect of my life. I think we should meet once I know that side of things and chat again? But if you need more time, I would completely understand.”

Not much was said after that. The air was tense and awkward as you all kind of forgot how to act around each other. You stayed for a little while to hear about the plans for their encore concert but as soon as that conversation topic dwindled, you said your goodbyes and headed back to your apartment.

It might be time to call your friend. You were more confused after that meeting and once again on the precipice of a breakdown. You couldn’t wade through this on your own and you couldn’t ask one of the guys for help because this was about them. You couldn’t tell your friend every detail, but you could tell her enough.

[10:49PM] You: So uh, are you free for that chat?

[10:49PM] Your bestest friend in the whole world: For you? Always.

***

You awoke the next morning to the sound of a text message notification on your phone. You rubbed your eyes as you tried to focus on the name of the contact who sent the message. You sat up in your bed as soon as your eyes managed to make out that the message was from your boss. Hopefully it was the message you’d been waiting for.

[7:42AM] Mr. Kim: Good morning, I hope you have had sufficient time to relax since returning from the overseas tour with EXO. I had a meeting this morning with SM’s CEO, Lee Soo Man about your performance under the current contract you have with SM and what his thoughts were for your potential future prospects at the company. I’ve scheduled a meeting for us at midday at my office. I’ll see you in a few hours to discuss.

If you were half awake at the start of that message, you were wide awake now. Of course a meeting is called the day after you dropped what felt like a literal bomb on your nine upstairs neighbours. You had just over four hours to freshen up and get yourself over to his office. Not that you were nervous… not at all… not even a little bit. It wasn’t like the outcome of this meeting determined the future of your career or anything. No, shut up. You tried telling your mind as it attempted to spiral before any form of carb or sugar entered your system. You repeated your father’s words over in your head as you picked out clothes for the meeting, a simple and professional outfit that you would not anxiety sweat through before you even reached Mr. Kim’s office. You showered and got yourself ready for the day and whatever it would bring. Maybe it would be better once it was all over, then you could stop overthinking and fretting about every possible outcome. That wasn’t how you liked doing things but it seemed to be what happened whenever it was important to you. When you cared.

Just before you left the apartment you sent a message to the group chat so that everyone was kept up to date.

[10:25AM] You: Hey, just a heads up that I’m on my way to a meeting now. LSM has made his decision and I’ll know my work fate in a couple of hours. I know I suggested meeting again after I had my meeting but given I literally only proposed everything to you last night, I’ll bench our talk until you guys have had time to deliberate and all that. Just reach out when you want to chat and I’ll make myself available.

It felt clinical and not how you’d ever spoken to them when there was no one to overhear your conversations. It felt like how you spoke to them when one of their managers was present. It felt wrong and something in your heart hurt. There was no response, but you could see the members slowly reading your message. Sehun reacted to it with a thumbs up message which then spurred everyone into chatting, mainly to scold Sehun but seeing the chat alive again felt right.

You put your phone on do not disturb mode as you approached Mr. Kim’s office, coffee in hand. Not the iced variety that was so popular among idols. No, the purpose of this coffee was not to keep you awake, rather it was to give you a caffeine hit as well as comfort you with its warmth. You were always nervous when it came time for a performance review, but unlike last time with Blackpink, you were a lot closer with the members of EXO and their staff. Unlike last time you knew that you had done your job successfully, you’d been present to witness the members grow in their language skills and watched them deliver their ments to their American audiences with little to no translation required. The only slip was the night Baekhyun forgot his lines, but the following shows he required no assistance.

Once you arrived, Mr. Kim’s secretary ushered you into his office, telling you he was just finishing up a meeting in another room and would be with you shortly. Thankfully you did not have to wait long before he entered the room. He smiled and greeted you warmly then moved to sit at his desk. You’d been in this room a few times now and it was always nerve wracking.

“Once again I can tell that you are eager to hear your evaluation.” He chuckled.

You nodded. “Apparently my face hides nothing from you.”

“Actually your face is not what gave you away, it was the fidgeting fingers this time.” He pointed at your free hand which was unfortunately fidgeting with the buckle on your handbag.

Your fingers stilled, but you itched to keep busy with something. Anything to get the frenetic energy out of your system. “You got me. Now please put me out of my misery already and give me my evaluation.”

Lucky for you, he prided himself on business and got right to it. You never had to endure too much small talk with him. It was a much more pleasant experience than the managers you had back before moving here. They seemed to want to spend up to ten minutes chatting about nothing before switching to business mode. That was not the Mr. Kim way. His way was better. For you at least. Mr. Kim pulled a file up on his computer and turned the screen so that you could see it as well. “As you already know from the last time we did this, we assess you in three areas. 1. How well the tasks were performed 2. How you worked with the clients and 3. Work ethic/professionalism. I’ve reviewed the recording of the last meeting you had during the tour as well as received feedback from the SM CEO.”

He clicked on a file and opened it. “This is a review of the tasks performed. As you can see, it was unanimous across the board that you have excelled in this area. You successfully prepared the members for their interviews and concert ments, improving their English significantly. You joined the group on tour and no issues were reported by staff or the members, nor did you appear in any fan reports or cause any scandals.” He paused to look at you, a knowing smile on his face. “But you already know this from your meeting with the managers and Junmyeon. I’ll only add the feedback from their CEO. He said he was impressed that someone of your young age was able to successfully complete these tasks to the level that you did, he made special mention of the tailored lessons as a genius move on your part. He noted that whilst it would be an arduous task for all clients, it worked for EXO in ways no one expected. They have not had this level of success in teaching a group that didn’t already have a member with a decent grasp on English or a native English speaker. He was also very impressed that you were able to fit in and work seamlessly with a well established team.” Mr Kim paused, signalling that you could now speak before he addressed the next criterion.

So far things were going well. Logically you knew that you had succeeded in your role, but it was always a relief to hear it. Hearing from your boss and the head of the group's company eradicated the last of the anxiety you felt about your ability as a teacher. “Thank you Mr Kim. I felt that I was succeeding in my role and I am glad to have that confirmed by the head of their company, but I do have to ask what he meant about my age?”

“Most translators or teaching staff that are brought in are older than you. Especially when it comes to English. There is a greater risk when idols are involved and most companies specifically request someone over 40 to be assigned so that there could never be any misunderstandings around the nature of the relationship.” He replied.

Your brow furrowed. “Then how did I get the job? I’m significantly younger than that, even if I’m still older than the members.”

He smiled smugly. “Ah well that was me. I know companies prefer older staff, especially when they are working with the opposite sex, but I had a hunch that you would succeed where others had failed with EXO. Their CEO reluctantly agreed to trial you and had to admit he was pleasantly surprised after receiving the one month evaluations of the members progress.”

Noticing that you weren’t going to add any more to that discussion, Mr. Kim moved on. He scrolled through the document until he reached the heading indicating the second criterion. “Before I move into discussing the external evaluations I would like to say that I am personally very impressed that you took on the feedback provided after your time with Blackpink and applied it to EXO. You managed to become more familiar with them and it shows in the reviews from the others. I strongly believe that this improvement is what made this job such a success for you.” He gestured towards you. “So I wanted to commend you on the large improvement in this area.”

You smiled. “Thank you Mr. Kim. Your advice was intrinsic to the development of the tailored lessons as well as my comfortability in becoming closer with the members so that we could work together to the best of our abilities.”

“As you know from the feedback from both managers and members, you exceeded expectations in this area, and everyone benefited from your approach. The CEO questioned whose idea it was for you to become closer to the members and expressed the concerns he had about it. Once I explained that it was feedback that you had been given from myself and the reasons why I felt it would improve outcomes, especially given your closeness in age to any 2nd or 3rd gen idols in comparison to the on staff teachers who were usually around the same age as the idols parents he understood. He stated that whilst he had his reservations about that kind of approach given the potential issues that could arise, dating scandals, sasaeng accusations, unprofessionalism etc. he could see how it worked in the members favour. The group had undergone quite a few hardships prior to this comeback, with members leaving and dating scandals damaging their public image. He stated that they were likely to be quite reserved and untrustworthy of someone new to their staff and that it would take a long time for them to begin to trust a new staff member. However, you managed to make them feel comfortable and not lose the authority you had over them as their teacher, whilst remaining respectful at all times. He said he was very pleasantly surprised by this.” He sat back in his chair while you processed his words. Mr. Kim had only had meetings with you a handful of times before this, but he already knew to let you take a moment while his words sunk in before having you respond.

A weight lifted off your shoulders. Yes, you recalled the nature of the meeting you had with the managers and Junmyeon whilst overseas, but your brain had managed to twist their inarguably positive feedback into statements that you had turned over in your mind repeatedly as you second guessed every moment you’d spent with the members. Knowing that the CEO was reviewing all of the work you had completed overseas had stressed you more than you had realised. It was as if you could feel the tension leaving your body every time Mr. Kim read out his feedback.

“I’m glad my efforts have been recognised, and that I’ve shown improvement in this area. I also understand the concerns their CEO had. We had meetings with the members and their managers regarding safety and security of both the members and myself to ensure no photos were snapped if we were not on a schedule. The last thing any of us wanted to do was bring negative attention to this working relationship. We also discussed at length the boundaries we should draw in order to not become overly familiar with each other and I believe that assisted greatly.” It wasn’t a lie as such. You really did have those meetings and you really did discuss those boundaries. It was just the managers weren’t present for the third meeting which involved you and the members working out how to put each other in line if any of you slipped and a glimpse of how close you really were slipped through. It was a miracle nothing ever happened in view of other staff or the public, but there were a couple of close calls. You’d all been very lucky in that regard.

Mr. Kim powered on. “On to the final point, we’ve never had any issues with your work ethic or professionalism, and neither have the members or managers. Their feedback was passed on to the CEO, who praised you for being available at short notice in order to fit with the members busy schedules. He was also very happy that the members did not abuse this clause in your contract but rather made sure the others were aware if one of them had required you early in the morning or late at night so that they could avoid overworking you.” Mr. Kim closed the document. “I’ll be honest, he got rather sidetracked at this point and spent a good ten minutes praising his EXO boys. I can assure you that he was very pleased with both your work ethic and professionalism. He agreed with the manager's statements that you clearly succeeded at your role, exceeding all expectations that were had of you.” He chuckled as he shook his head. “But once he starts talking about those boys it is hard to shut him up. You’d think they were his sons sometimes.”

You allowed yourself a pleased hum at the feedback you’d received. High marks in all areas of assessment. Exceeded expectations, exemplary results. “Thank you Mr. Kim. I’m very glad that my hard work paid off and that my approach was successful for the members.” You paused. “However, as much as I want to just bask in this feedback, I am too curious about my contract. Did their CEO happen to mention if he planned to renew my contract, or are you finding me a new group to work with?” You needed to know, and you needed to know like two weeks ago at this point.

Mr. Kim, to his credit, did not outright laugh at your impatience. Instead he opened a drawer and pulled out a manila folder. “I understand that this must have been weighing on your mind these past few weeks.”

You nodded. “You would be very correct.”

“He did come to a decision. I won’t draw this out as I can tell you just want me to get to the point. He was incredibly impressed by your determination and competency, and as we all know, the results speak for themselves. He does want to offer another contract, however it would differ from your current one.” He stated.

“How so?” You asked.

“Firstly, this contract would not commence until three months from now.” He explained. “They want you to continue your work with the company, working with all of their artists. EXO would take priority if and when they have any overseas schedules that would require them to speak English. The rest of the time you would assist whichever groups or artists he deems in need of your skills. You would also offer lessons in the company like you did whilst EXO were in Japan during your contract.” Mr. Kim slid the folder across the table for you to pick up and look over.

“I am grateful to have the opportunity to continue to work with SM. Like I said in my meeting overseas, I have been treated exceptionally well by their company, its staff and idols and welcomed the opportunity to continue working with EXO, be assigned to another group within the company or as an in-house teacher/translator.” Well there it was, they had offered another contract. You could keep working for SM, potentially with the guys as long as their schedules required English, but you’d still be in the same building as them. There was a decent break before commencement which was nice, but you did have concerns about your income. Not working for three months would be a struggle for you financially. “I do have questions regarding the three month break in between contracts though.”

“I believe my next statement should cover whatever concerns you have.” He directed your attention to another section of the new contract. “During that time, SM has stated that they will contact you for freelance work if/when required but that you are also not exclusively bound to the label during that time, so you can assist other companies and artists. This will allow you to continue to earn income and gain further experience in this field. I will also say that you will find in the proposed contract that your fees have increased. I did not consult you on that, but felt that you had every right to request a higher rate given the success of your work thus far. I would encourage you to take a break for a couple of weeks, more if you wanted to take this opportunity to visit home, before letting me know you are ready for some more work with other artists. I do have one group in particular that I think would work for this short timeframe. They have not yet debuted but they do have varying levels of proficiency in English, varying from fluency to what is taught in our schools here.” He waved a hand in front of his face as he realised he’d said too much. “But that is a discussion for another date, I’m getting ahead of myself.”

You smiled, genuinely too. This was wonderful news and it settled a large part of your anxiety to have secured more work, especially work that would require little change. “Thank you Mr. Kim. I��ll take this contract home to review but it sounds promising. I think I will take a couple of weeks off to rest and recuperate, but I would like to request a clause be added to this contract. I understand that I may have some further changes to request, but I’m reasonably certain this one won’t already be in there.”

“What would that request be?” He asked.

“An allowance for one or two weeks of consecutive leave within the next 6 months for me to visit my family. I’m not ready to make a trip home yet, but I know I will be during that time period and I don’t wish to be told that I cannot go. I would provide sufficient notice for the leave, unless there was an emergency, so as to not hinder the progress of their artists' lessons.” In your mind it sounded reasonable, and you’d heard of difficulties with obtaining leave from work in Korea, so you wanted to safeguard yourself as best as you could.

“I’ll have our lawyers make the addition. We’ll hold off sending it to SM until you’ve read through the contract and made any other amendments.” He stood and shook your hand. “You’ve done well so far, and I continue to be impressed with your work.”

The meeting ended shortly after that which you were glad for. The feedback was self esteem boosting, and proved to yourself that you had done a great job, that your hard work had not only paid off but had been noticed. You also managed to tell yourself that your closeness with the guys wasn’t the sole factor for your success, they really did suck at English before your lessons and whilst the sex during the rewards and punishments was great, you were pretty sure you couldn’t learn a language purely from fucking. Somewhere along the lines, your lessons struck a chord with them and they wanted to learn, so they did, and it stuck. That was a job well done by you.

After you left Mr. Kim’s office you put your phone back in normal mode.The group chat had been busy these past few hours. Message notifications flooded your phone as you began the commute home. They had pinned a message so that you wouldn’t miss it once you finally checked your phone.

[11:48AM] Minseok: Please tell us when you finish your meeting. Kyungsoo wants you to come up for dinner so you can tell all of us what the outcome was.

The messages after were a chorus of predictions and bickering.

[11:51AM] Jongin: I think SM will do another contract.

[11:51AM] Sehun: Well duh. They’d be stupid to let her help our competitors.

[11:52AM] Jongdae: Noona could make some sweet demands if they offer a new contract.

[11:52AM] Kyungsoo: Yeah, make SM work for it. Lord knows they’ve fucked over too many idols in contracts. If they offer a new one MAKE A LAWYER LOOK AT IT.

[11:53AM] Yixing: Make demands of your own too. Make that thing benefit you, coz if they offer a new contract it means they want to stop you from working with other companies.

[11:53AM] Chanyeol: MAKE. SM. WORK. FOR. YOU. You’ll have the upper hand and they don’t want you to know that.

[11:54AM] Baekhyun: Yeah, fuck SM!!!

[11:54AM] Junmyeon: Guys…

[11:54AM] Minseok: Idk man, all I see is valid points being made.

[11:55AM] Junmyeon: I… you were meant to be on my side Minseok.

[11:55AM] Minseok: I never promised that.

[11:55AM] Minseok: Fuck SM.

[11:56AM] Kyungsoo: So I think we might be doing the opposite of encouraging you to consider taking another contract with them if they offer. What we mean to say is, have someone look over the contract, make some demands (because they have to acknowledge your worth now) and know that our disdain for our company comes from the nature of idol contracts which are VERY different to the kind of contract you would be offered.

[11:56AM] Junmyeon: Thank you!

[11:57AM] Kyungsoo: Stop making me do your job man.

There were another 500 messages after that (which you did not read), but you made sure to send one as requested

[3:30PM] You: Holy crap that is a lot of messages. No offence but I am not reading through all of them. As requested, I’m letting you know that I’ve finished my meeting. I’m heading back to the apartment now. What time do you want me up there for dinner?

[3:30PM] Kyungsoo: Food should be ready at 7 PM.

[3:30PM] You: I’ll see everyone then.

***

“Noona, can we talk before you come up for dinner?” You’d picked up on the first ring when you’d seen Baekhyun’s name pop up.

He sounded unsure of himself, which was a rarity. “Sure Baek. Is everything ok?”

“I think so? I hope so.” He groaned in frustration. “Ugh I don’t know.”

Now you were getting concerned. Was he ok? “What’s going on?”

“I’ve been thinking about everything you talked about last night and I think I understand why you had to just unload everything all at once to us.” He took a deep breath. “My brain has been working too much and making too many scenarios for me to keep up with.”

Well that you could relate to. You really didn’t wish the clusterfuck that had been your thoughts over this past week on anyone, so you empathised with Baek if he was suffering with the downward spiral that too many thoughts inevitably brought. “I get that. Would it help if you just tell me everything?”

He was quiet for a moment as he thought over his options. Quite likely he was worried that speaking to you would only make things worse. That’s precisely what made you a nervous wreck before you word vomited all over their living room last night. “Maybe. Might make everything worse, I don’t know.”

You tried to sound reassuring. It was always easier for you to provide comfort in person or via text. Over the phone was some strange middle ground where you didn’t always stick the landing. “It’s just me. Since when have we ever not been able to talk to each other?”

“You’re right.” He said. “Fuck. Ok.” Yeah, he was nervous. Should you be nervous? Was he about to reject you? Was he going to confess? No. You needed to remain as calm as possible. He was the one allowed to freak out right now, not you.

You pushed your growing anxiety down and said as reassuringly as you could. “I’m right here. Promise.”

You heard him take a steadying breath before he started speaking. “I guess I’ve been trying to work out where things stand between us.” He said. “It’s never just been friendship between you and I. There was always flirtation and we only got bolder with it as time went on until we had sex, which I know was as a result of my lesson, but I don’t know, we only had the lesson because we were about to fuck and you stopped it from happening until after that. I guess it felt like more than just because of the reward stuff I guess. It felt like something that was inevitable, like we were orbiting each other until we would ultimately collide.” He took a breath, meanwhile your heart was hammering in your chest.

“I know we’ve discussed it and both agreed that there was something more there, some kind of feelings neither of us had addressed. I don’t know how you feel now, but for me, after we slept together those feelings only intensified. I still didn’t know what they were so I just assumed they were born from lust but when you asked for space and then went silent for days I realised that they weren’t feelings of lust. I realised that I care deeply for you and the very thought of you not being in my life hurt me to my very core. I know it was just sex for you and everyone else but for me, I can’t say for sure, but I think I like you as far more than a friend and would not be satisfied just being a fuck buddy. I know I said I would never entertain us ever being able to actually be a real thing but I want that so much that it is physically painful. I needed to tell you before we all talked tonight because I want to be selfish and pursue you myself but I don’t know where you stand. I don’t know if I’m making a fool of myself right now and you’re thinking of the nicest way to reject me or if you don’t know how you feel or if you feel the same. All I know is that I barely slept last night after I realised all of this and I had to say something.”

“Baek,” You started.

He didn’t let you get the words out, not that you even knew what those words would be. So maybe him interrupting you was for the best right now. “I know this is a lot to dump on you, I know that, but I needed to say it.”

You weren’t sure if you were ready to tell him everything you realised on your call last night. It was still too confusing. Still too fresh. But you also couldn’t leave him hanging with nothing after he just poured his heart out to you. “You know I have feelings for you, just that at the time I didn’t know what those feelings were.”

“Have you worked it out since then?” He all but whispered, as though he was scared of what your response would be.

You couldn’t say it yet. You couldn’t say it until you believed it yourself. It wasn’t fair to him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to utter the words back to him. Not yet. “I think so but I’m not sure. I am so scared of ruining everything Baek.”

“I’ll let you think some more, but I want you to know that for me it is about much more than sex now. So think about how you feel and ask yourself if you feel the way you feel about me with anyone else?” He tried his best not to sound deflated, but you didn’t miss the pang of hurt in his voice as he spoke. He’d just confessed to you and whilst you hadn’t rejected him, you hadn’t reciprocated his feelings. You felt overwhelmed. You needed to say something, but what? What could you possibly say when you weren’t ready to admit how you felt, when you were too terrified to ask for what you wanted.”

You had to say something. For him, you couldn’t just leave him with nothing. “I -”

He cut you off again, though this time it was probably out of fear that you would reject his confession. “Don’t answer now. Just think about it and we’ll talk later. Bye noona.” He hung up before you could attempt to speak again.

You hung your head in shame. Why couldn’t you just tell him? You didn’t realise you were crying until you felt a tear hit your hand. You sank to the floor and let yourself cry for a few minutes, too overwhelmed with emotion to even try to stop the tears from falling. You felt guilty for not being able to tell him how you felt, for feeling like you were toying with his heart. This sweet, funny and endearing man, who had been so good to you. When he needed you the most, you’d choked. You didn’t deserve the feelings he harboured for you, how could you if you couldn’t even respond to him. How could you be deserving of that love when you all but pushed him away.

By some stroke of luck your eyes weren’t too red or puffy when you checked them before leaving your apartment. You really hoped your night didn’t end with you returning to this apartment to cry over a ruined relationship. There was only one way to find out, and in order to do that, you needed to walk out your front door and head upstairs.

***

“Alright, how did the meeting go?” Sehun broke the silence that was permeating the dinner table. Everyone had greeted you when you’d arrived, and made some small talk about their day. That felt strange. You’d never lacked for conversation with these men, but now they seemed to be walking on eggshells around you and you weren’t sure if it was because they were trying to protect themselves or you from where this evening went.

Regardless, you decided to put on a brave face and do your best to hear them out without breaking down. You felt exposed, fragile and breakable. But you pretended otherwise as best as you could. You just hoped they couldn’t see through the facade. “Really well. The feedback was all very positive and everyone agreed that I did an excellent job. Your CEO expressed his concerns about my boss and the managers suggesting that we be more personable but he agreed that the fact that we did that probably served as a catalyst for the success of the lessons.”

“That’s fantastic news!” Jongin said, far louder than he or anyone else at the table were prepared for. Everyone, Jongin included, jumped a little at his volume. He muttered a bashful apology afterwards, stating that he was just really happy for you.

You smiled at him. He was so very different to what the general public saw when he was onstage. He was soft spoken and endearing beyond words. “I’m also really grateful for the feedback you guys provided. I didn’t get a chance to say it before so I’ll say it now, thank you. Your words meant so much to me.” It was the honest truth. You had no idea that they would be asked for feedback about your work, and while they could have provided generic positive feedback they didn’t. Instead they provided in depth feedback about your abilities and how well you had worked with them. You would be forever grateful for the kind words contained in their feedback.

Kyungsoo decided to add to the conversation, his soft yet commanding voice cutting through your thoughts. “Bias aside, you earned that feedback. We did our best to only give the facts and not let our friendship cloud our opinions of you.”

“You cannot deny that we sucked at English before you noona.” Chanyeol quipped, laughing as he spoke.

Junmyeon looked personally attacked by his words. “Speak for yourself!”

“No, he’s right. We were bad at it.” Minseok laughed. “Like really fucking awful.”

Yixing pushed the food around on his plate with his chopsticks. “Anyway, uh, not to be pushy or anything but did you talk about what’s next for you?” He briefly locked eyes with you before diverting his gaze back to his plate.

“Yeah we did. Uh, they offered me another contract.” You saw all nine heads suddenly turn towards you and felt their gazes on you. “I do have to read over it and make sure it's fair but essentially they want to put me on contract for another 2 years. If EXO has schedules requiring English, then me teaching you takes priority over other groups, otherwise I’m free to work with any artists under the SM umbrella. Your CEO may assign me a group to work with, or managers may request my help. If no one requests then I’m kind of an in-house teacher/translator.”

Jongdae grinned. “I’m not going to lie, I’m glad they offered you more work, they would have been idiots not to, but it does mean you won’t be a stranger.”

Minseok was more hesitant as he spoke.“What are your thoughts on it, just based on the offer given you haven’t read it yet.”

You sat back in your chair, contemplating your response. “I’ve only had good experiences with SM so far, so the offer sounds good to me. I know a lot of the staff, I know the building, the resources, I know some of the artists, obviously I know all of you and work well with you. It feels like a good choice over starting anew elsewhere and hoping that I’m treated as well as I am here.” You smiled a little. “Plus, I get to see you guys if I’m still here, that’s a bonus.”

A smile finally formed on Minseok’s face. “I know we may have come across a bit brash earlier but,”

“Oh don’t worry. I already had a copy sent to a lawyer to look over it, and I also made a request for a leave allotment to be added into the contract.” You cut him off, already guessing what he was referring to from the earlier flood of messages. “Once I read through it myself I’ll discuss it with my lawyer and make any other changes that need doing then return it to Mr. Kim to negotiate for me.”

The unanimous response that came from all of them was creepily synchronised. “Good.”

You thanked all of them for their kind words again. “The contract won’t start for a few months, so until then I’m likely going to be freelancing. Mr. Kim has an idea of another group I can work with briefly before I become exclusive to SM. I think I’m going to take a couple of weeks off before committing to any of that though. I need some time to recalibrate.”

“Uh I guess that brings us to the elephant in the room.” Junmyeon said.

You waved your hands in front of you, not sure you would ever be ready for this conversation, but after how well the contract renewal offer had just gone you were apprehensive about the ‘what are we’ conversation. “Oh, we really don’t have to talk about it yet. I only mentally unloaded on all of you last night so if you need to take more time before discussing with me, please do.”

He chuckled awkwardly. “That’s the funny thing I think. Without really realising it we have discussed it over the past few months as things progressed.”

“Oh.”

He straightened in his seat and looked directly at you. “Yeah. We kind of realised that last night when we started trying to discuss it.” He shifted, trying to get comfortable in his head. That was the only sign you had that he was equally as nervous about this conversation as you were. “I think we should each just speak for ourselves and then go from there?” He offered.

All you could do was nod. “That seems fair.” This was happening. You weren’t sure you were prepared for it, regardless of what they said.

“As the leader I’ll go first.” He shifted again, this time his eyes looked everywhere but you as he spoke. “I, well, uh, I’ve actually just started seeing someone. It’s very early days but I really like her and want to pursue things with her. My parents introduced us and weirdly we kind of hit it off, which is not what usually happens when my parents play matchmaker.”

You thought you’d feel sad at being told someone wasn’t romantically interested in you, because that’s what this was right? He was dating someone and he really liked them. But rather than feeling like you’d been stabbed in the heart you felt happy for him. “So at present, pursuing anything other than friendship with you isn’t something I’m interested in. I also think we work better as friends and don’t want to lose the relationship we’ve got. We did have the least amount of sexual interaction so I don’t think it will have any impact on our friendship moving forward.” Once he finished speaking he lifted his gaze to you, apprehensively since he wasn’t sure how you’d react, but he visibly relaxed when he saw you beaming at him. “As long as a potential relationship with another member or members doesn’t leave anyone unsatisfied from the start then I give my blessings.”

“Are we going in age order?” Sehun asked.

Chanyeol replied. “That’s boring, just go in seating order.”

“Fine.” Sehun sighed, resigned to his fate of being the next to speak. “Noona, I cannot deny that my punishment was fun and that I experienced more than I ever thought I would. But for me it was never that deep I guess.” He shrugged. “The punishment/reward was an opportunity to explore some fantasies with no strings attached with a person who I trusted. I think I’d be a shitty boyfriend to you as well, I can barely take care of myself, and it wouldn’t be fair to you to put up with that burden. I’m not boyfriend material yet.” He wasn’t wrong about that. He always turned up unannounced, never read the room, stole all your chocolates and sulked if he wasn’t the centre of attention. Well, not always, but it happened more than it probably should. Maknae privileges. “However, I am excellent bestie material. So I’d like to remain a very good friend to you.” You’d been rejected as a romantic partner but once again, you didn’t feel sad. Sehun was an excellent friend to have. He loved chatting so he always had good gossip and he was so beloved that he could almost get away with murder. He smiled softly at you, hoping you weren’t disappointed in his choice.

Kyungsoo took a sip from his glass of water before grounding himself and speaking. “There are circumstances where I could see myself truly falling for you. You have a lot of the qualities that I look for in a partner. But I have to be truly honest with myself, and if I do that then I have to say that right now, I am so insanely career driven - both with music and acting. It doesn’t leave much time to fit in a relationship in a way that is fair to either person.” Logical reasoning. You understood that, but much like you had forced yourself to do last night, you wondered where his heart lay in this. “Our reward was incredibly fun, and something I would do again in a heartbeat, but it would be with no strings attached. I value your friendship above everything else and I also think that whilst you put poly on the table as an option, and it is not something I’m opposed to, I can’t ignore the fact that Baekhyun clearly has feelings for you that run deeper than I originally thought. So I think it would be unfair to pursue anything with you to see if feelings develop when one of us is already carrying that torch for you.”

You were shocked. Baekhyun barely even reacted to Kyungsoo’s words, something that unnerved you. You could feel him staring at you. Was he that obvious to them? Had he told them? Kyungsoo wanted to simply remain friends, and if he wasn’t so aware of how Baekhyun felt then he would have been fine to have a friends with benefits kind of situationship going on. You weren’t really sure what to do with that information. It was very flattering, but did you want to entertain someone who wasn’t sure if they had feelings for you?

Too impatient to wait to see if you were going to respond to anything that had just been said, Jongin began speaking. “You have been one of my closest friends since the start. You looked after me when the guys were on tour while I was injured and we hung out so much. I think we bonded over fried chicken and movies.” He smiled fondly at the memory. “You were one of the first people that I’ve met since we debuted who wanted to know me for me, not for who I was as an idol. I agree with hyung, there is a future where I could see myself falling for you under the right circumstances, you’re kind of loveable like that noona, but I would trade that possibility in an instant for your friendship. It means the world to me. I also think there’s one of us who has real feelings for you and it makes me giddy to think of the two of you together.” Did he also mean Baekhyun or was there another member harbouring feelings for you?

The chair next to Jongin scraped on the floor as Jongdae tried to adjust his sitting position. If he’d been going to cool, calm and collected - he’d failed. He looked stressed beyond belief. Was it him? Did he have feelings for you? “Ok so, like the others I cannot deny how highly I value your friendship,” Ok so not him then. “or the fact that I am a person with two working eyes and have spent too much time around Baekhyun to not notice his feelings for you.” You glanced at Baekhyun who still seemed to be checked out of the conversation, even with his eyes locked on you. His gaze was somehow blank and intense at the same time. Did he not care what anyone else was saying about you? Was he really going to be that selfish? He said he wanted you to himself but did that mean that if anyone else at this table confessed that you’d have to reject both of them? Because if he was going to be this indifferent, especially when they kept talking about his feelings for you, then surely picking one person would only lead to a rift forming within the group. “All of that said, I’ve also kind of been seeing someone. And I like her, like a lot, like an insufferable amount.

Minseok saw the opportunity to chime in. “He dreamt about having kids with her last night.” He smirked.

Jongdae looked mortified. “SHUT UP. Um, yeah. So that’s a thing and I just want my friend who I can ask questions to when I’m about to fuck everything up with my possible future wife. God I sound lame, I’m just going to stop talking now.” He sunk down in his chair, put his forehead on the table and banged it against the wood a few times. Minseok and a few others tried really hard not to laugh at him, but they failed miserably.

Chanyeol’s eyes darted around the table as he decided to try and pull focus from Jongdae, who appeared like he was waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. “I uh, yeah I’m not dating anyone per se, but I’m also not looking to be tied down in a relationship right now.” Sehun snorted. “God, I sound like such a fuckboy saying that, but I think you kind of awoke some sort of confidence in me and I just want to play the field.” You heard a muttered “And absolutely no one is surprised you moron.” from Kyungsoo and had to stifle a laugh as Chanyeol continued to speak.

“I care for you a lot, and I know one of us cares deeply for you so I want to leave things with us as friends. You’re interesting and fun to be around, you’re competitive in silly games and aren’t a sore loser. Hah, I could probably learn a thing or two from you there. Anyway, yeah. That’s me done.” Again someone saying that another member had feelings for you, but not specifying who. So did he mean Baek or did Yixing or Minseok also harbour feelings for you? You were surprised how at peace you felt with everyone only wanting friendship from you - so far. Kyungsoo admitting he’d fuck you again in a heartbeat had shocked you. That man was usually much more reserved than that.

Yixing was sitting next to you so he turned to you as he spoke. “Ah my sweet lady. I like you a lot,” He took your hand, his thumb caressing the back of your palm gently. “and honestly if I let myself I could so easily fall for you, but I’m also a workaholic to a fault. I have such high ambitions and drive for myself that I tend to fill up every minute I’m not on a schedule with more work.” He laughed. “If it weren’t for these guys, I’d probably forget to sleep.” He paused and you felt the room somehow grow even quieter. What the fuck was he about to drop on you that everyone else this still? “I’m also headed back to China in a few weeks and, ah this sucks,” He hung his head, clearly upset about having to leave Korea again. “I don’t know when I’ll get to come back this time. The political climate has never been great between our two countries but right now it is really tense.”

Ah, that explained the feeling in the room. He was leaving and no one knew when or if he would return. You felt sad. You were going to miss him a lot, as were the rest of the guys. He always worked too hard when he was away from the group because no one on his team in China seemed to grasp how hard he would work himself unless they forced him to stop and take a rest. You returned your attention to the man in front of you. He sighed sadly. “So I’m going back and working on music as a soloist, working on some acting projects and would hopefully be back next year for our new album, but it's all kind of up in the air. I couldn’t burden you with any of the long distance crap and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to even try to date and explore any feelings we may have when there would be such difficulty actually seeing each other. It will be a big enough strain on our friendship so whoever does end up dating you has my full support as long as they let me smother you with hugs when I return.” You were confused. His words made it seem like if it weren’t for returning to China, that he would want to date you, but he hadn’t said that he had feelings for you, just that he could see himself having feelings. Was it kind of like Kyungsoo’s situation? You let go of his hand as Chanyeol pulled him backwards into a big hug.

Minseok tapped you on the shoulder to get you to turn towards him. He smiled softly at you then took a deep breath. “Alright then.” He started. You knew he hated airing his business in front of others so regardless of what he was about to say, it was likely stressing him out. “Ah, well you and I probably had the most sex out of the group given the fuck buddy arrangement we’ve had going on. It was mostly stress relief and if we weren’t to have a physical relationship anymore, I don’t think it would drastically change our relationship. I value my movie nights with you over sex so ultimately I don’t want to lose my friendship with you. I trust you implicitly and we’ve both seen each other's ugly sides and haven’t run away from them. I could see circumstances where we pursue a romantic relationship, but like yourself, I haven’t really allowed my feelings to come into play so I’d be content just being your friend.” He glanced towards Baekhyun, who was staring at you. “Like the others, I also cannot ignore Baekhyun’s feelings towards you. I in no way want to come between what could be something beautiful between the two of you.”

Baekhyun doesn’t speak. He hasn’t said a word since you set foot in the dorm and he hasn’t averted his gaze from you the entire time. You could feel it boring into you while everyone spoke. He hadn’t said anything to correct anyone about his feelings for you and it seemed like he had no plans to speak in front of them either. You gave him a few moments to see if he was going to say anything, and noticed the way the others all looked towards him when he chose to remain silent.

You decided to respond to everyone else. Just because Baekhyun was choosing to be silent for the first time in his life didn’t mean it was fair to leave the eight other men in the lurch after they had all just told you how they felt. They needed to know how you were feeling about everything. “Well ok, this makes everything easier. After we spoke last night I did a lot more thinking about our relationships and where I wanted to stand with each of you. I came to the conclusion that your friendship means more to me than anything else and so with that, I was going to say that I think it is for the best that we don’t sleep together anymore. It kind of worked out well that all of you landed on that conclusion as well. Like some of you said, there are circumstances where I could see myself falling for you, but I’m also aware of how that would not be fair to explore, given everything. I love each of you in my own way, and I’m so happy that I get to keep my friends.” You could actually hear the en masse exhale that they let out once they heard you speak. They hadn’t hurt your feelings and everything was going to be ok. “The only thing I’ll ask, actually no - it’s more of a demand at this point - is that you stop being so awkward around me now. Things can go back to how they were, just don’t cross the line into being too inappropriate.”

They all laugh and agree, and just like that the strange tension that had surrounded the dorm disappears. However, one cloud of tension remains, concentrated solely around Baekhyun. He dropped his gaze when you’d spoken and hadn’t lifted it from the floor since. If anyone was worried about Baekhyun’s silence, they didn’t show it. You’d have to take him aside and speak with him soon enough. You’d promised to talk to him tonight.

You continued to tell everyone how happy you were that they all wanted to remain friends with you, whilst also pressing Junmyeon and Jongdae for details about their dating life. You can practically see the hearts in their eyes when they talk about the new women in their lives and honestly, you couldn’t be happier for them. Poly was a fun idea to put on the table but it was never going to work long term for these guys. Logistically, emotionally or publicly. So it was for the best that none of you decided to venture down that path.

Once everyone began to disperse you moved towards Baek and asked “Baek, can we speak privately?.” He shrugged but didn’t say no. He didn’t say anything. You walked towards his room and he followed you. You weren’t sure what the shift in him was from earlier this evening. Earlier he seemed like he wanted to date you, but now he wouldn’t even look at you and he looked so dejected and sullen, like he was fighting off tears. “Hey, Baek. Are you ok?” You asked. You wanted to reach out to comfort him but you weren’t sure if that would make matters worse. You had no idea what he was feeling.

He nodded in response, still not uttering a word.

“Sweetie, you need to speak to me if you want me to believe you.”

“I’m just.” He sighed, “I guess I’m just struggling. Like of course I want to keep you as a friend, not having you in my life would be too hard, but I guess I was really hoping you’d work out your feelings for me as more than that.” He stared at the ceiling as he tried to remain calm but you could tell he was beginning to crack. “I know it wouldn’t be easy dating me, not because of who I am as a person, but because I’m an idol. Like we’d have to be secretive and couldn’t be all couply and go on normal dates like normal couples and maybe you don’t want to date someone who has to hide you. It’s just hard coz I realised all these feelings recently and now I’ve gotta reconcile with them and stuff them away. Which I will do, you are too important to me to not still be friends, but not gonna lie, it’ll be hard for me for a while I think.”

He just wanted to be friends now? But when he’d spoken to you earlier, he said he wanted so much more than that. You were so confused. “Baek, what are you on about?”

His head snapped back to stare at you incredulously. “What am I on about?!” He exclaimed, clearly frustrated and hurt. “You just told all of us that you want to remain friends with us. After I told you about how I felt earlier. So I guess I am not doing great with the rejection ok?”

Oh. Oh. Oh no. He’d misunderstood horribly. You’d responded to the others because they’d spoken. None of what you said at the table was for him because he hadn’t spoken. “No, oh my god no, you’ve misunderstood.”

He looked so hurt, close to breaking as he responded. “What?”

You tried to remain calm, hoping it would make him calm. “Baek, I want to remain friends with the eight of them. I didn’t want to announce my feelings for you in front of them because you weren’t speaking. I didn’t know if you’d told any of them how you felt or if they’d all just worked it out, but then you didn’t speak. You stared at me the entire time but then you said nothing.” You paused as you took a step closer to him. “Plus my confession should be for your ears only first.”

He staggered backwards, not at all prepared for the words you’d said. “Wait, what are you saying?”

You locked eyes with him and did not break eye contact as you spoke. You needed to be certain that he heard you loud and clear. You’d been too weak to say it earlier, even though you knew how you felt. He deserved to hear it hours ago, but you couldn’t turn back time, so hearing it now would have to do. “Byun Baekhyun, I like you, a lot. Way more than is healthy for me I think. I want you in my life, I want to have you as one of my closest friends but I also want so much more. I want to be able to hold you, flirt with you, do domestic as fuck things with you, date you in whatever capacity we can date. I know that won’t be easy, I’m not naive about the secrecy that dating would require but to me you’re worth it. I want all of you, and I don’t want to share my romance with anyone but you. I’m not against bedroom scenarios that involve guests but I want you and only you as the person I fall even further for.”

“Fuck.” He whispered.

“Yeah. I want to do a lot of that too. You have no idea, but this is supposed to be romantic, not a confession from a horny teenager.” You both laughed. “I don’t know when my feelings changed or if I’d just ignored the way I felt about you for a long time but once I sat down and thought about my options with all of you, and spoke very discreetly with my best friend back home, I realised how sad I was every time I thought of not being able to be anything other than a friend to you. For every other member I was fine with the prospect of just friendship, but with you, it made me inexplicably sad.”

“Are you sure? Because don’t get me wrong, I want this, but it would be stupid of me to not understand the reality of it. Like you said, we won’t be able to go out on dates like a normal couple. We would have to be so careful. So unbelievably careful.” He paused as he took a couple of steps towards you, closing the distance between the two of you. “I think at this point a dating scandal wouldn’t ruin my career nor would it ruin EXO, but I’d be so worried about you.” He reached out to brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his hand lightly resting on your cheek afterwards. His eyes shone bright with emotion. He cared so much about you. “People can be so cruel, and I don’t want to see you hurt by their words should anything leak.”

You placed your hand over his, your eyes glistening with emotion. You knew his feelings for you, and he knew how you felt about him yet he still took the time to worry when he could be kissing you. “I don’t know that there is any way to prepare for the hate that would come my way if something got out about us, but I think that unless there was evidence of us in some compromising position it would be easy for SM to deny the rumours. In some ways working for the company and with the group allows for us to be seen together. We’d just have to keep things very work oriented when we aren’t in the safety of our homes.”

Baekhyun let out a shuddering breath. “I’m, fuck, why am I scared?”

You smiled. “Because. We really like each other. Fear is natural when you have something to lose but I think that just means trying to hang on to that special thing, or person in this instance, is worth anything that could be thrown at us. I’d like to think you wouldn’t just abandon me the moment a rumour comes out.”

He shook his head instantly. “I wouldn’t. I promise.”

“Then yeah, I’m all in on trying this thing. You and I. Exclusive. Together.”

His eyes widened at your words, like he still couldn’t quite believe this was happening. All the bravado you’d seen throughout the rest of your relationship with him was gone. The man who stood before you now was Baekhyun stripped bare. He was beautiful, inside and out. You don’t know how you denied yourself these feelings for so long, but if you continued to do so the sheer weight of what you felt might just consume you. “Is this really happening?” He asked.

“It is if you agree to it.” You replied. You stared up at him as you waited for him to accept your feelings and close the gap between you.

He leant in. “I can’t believe you actually like me. Didn’t you once say I was the most annoying person in the world?” He whispered. He was so close you could feel the ghost of the movement of his lips as he spoke.

“Maybe you’ll be less annoying if I get to call you mine.” Did he expect you to kiss him? Was he waiting for you to make the first move like you were waiting for him to do?

“Oh. No. That’s where you’re wrong.” He smiled against your lips, the sensation of them touching but not kissing you was driving you insane. “I will be even more annoying if I’m yours.” His hand moved from your cheek to the back of your head, holding you in place.

“Still a risk I’m willing to take.” Baekhyun’s fingers tightened against your neck, stretching up into the edges of your hairline. He felt like he was trying to bring his own body as close to yours as possible.

You waited for him to agree to date you, but he kept seemingly dodging a response. It was beginning to make your anxiety spike. What if he really liked you, admitted his feelings, yet still did not want to date you? Could you handle that? You didn’t think you could, not after laying your heart on the table for him like that. “Baek?” You asked.

“Yeah?” He replied as his free hand snaked around your waist, pressing your bodies against each other. You could feel your heart hammering in your chest as your breath hitched.

“Please don’t leave me hanging.” You pleaded. You needed to hear him say it now that he knew how you felt. You felt light headed, and like your knees might buckle.

“What?” He sounded confused. The butterflies in your stomach felt like they were caught in a hurricane for how tingly you felt.

“I’ve told you what I want, confessed my feelings to you. B-but, you. You haven’t -” You struggled to get the words out.

He must have realised what you were trying to say as his grip on you tightened. “Fuck! Sorry noona, shit. I want to date the hell out of you.” You could feel how hard he was miling against your mouth as he spoke. “I’m excited for all the silly domestic things we can do. I want to buy couple pyjamas for us. I want to smother you with kisses and affection as much as I can when we are alone. If I don’t, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle my shit in public. I’m scared. I’m so so soooo happy, also a bit horny but that’s nothing new, mostly I’m just waiting to wake up from this dream.” You could feel yourself tremble, all the pent-up anxiety and fear and self-loathing having no other way to exit your body. The physical manifestation of the nerves wasn’t something you could control.

“Well could you hurry up and kiss me then?”

“Gladly.” Baekhyun closed the nonexistent gap between you as he pressed his lips against yours. The kiss started out softly, carefully and full of what could be referred to as love. He was kissing you with all the pent up emotion that he was now allowed to set free. You’d never been kissed like this before. Never been kissed in such a way where you could feel the emotion being poured into you. You felt desperate for him. It felt so good.

Baekhyun pressed harder against you as he kissed away all of your worries and doubts. You could feel how much he wanted you, more than just sexually, as his tongue swept across your lips, requesting entrance. You granted it readily, equally needing to devour him and reciprocate how you felt about him through the kiss. The raging butterflies in your stomach had morphed into tingling sensations that fluttered across every nerve ending.

He pulled back just enough to cradle your face in his hands as he gazed at you with so much affection that you felt like you might combust. “I feel like I’ve gone crazy,” he chucked. “He didn’t allow you space to speak before jumping in to continue kissing you.

You continued to kiss and hold each other for a while, trying to make up for lost time as you attempted to express every emotion via kisses. Some soft and loving, others rough and demanding. It’s you who pulled away the next time, as you both tried to catch your respective breaths. “We should tell the others.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, and then can we please go to your apartment? I just want to spend time with you. I don’t care if we just hold each other and make out or if we do more, I just want to be close to you.”

“That sounds perfect to me.” You pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before you grabbed his hand. “Let’s go before we change our minds and they find us in here.”

The two of you headed back out towards the living area hand in hand. The others all appeared to be caught up in various discussions but they stop once someone notices yours and Baekhyun’s intertwined hands. Baekhyun cleared his throat, unable to keep the smile off his face as he exclaimed. “We’re dating, and I hope all of you can be happy for us because, speaking for myself here, I’m really happy right now. I thought I’d lost her earlier tonight but as usual I misunderstood.” He smiled down at you. “Thank fuck it was a misunderstanding, otherwise all of you would be dealing with me being mopey and heartbroken.”

One by one the members got up and came forward to embrace the two of you. You were over the moon with the outcome from this evening. You’d secured a new contract, didn’t have to move companies, got to keep some of the best friends you’d ever had and gained a boyfriend. Pretty productive night if you said so yourself. However, you couldn’t help but notice that neither Minseok or Kyungsoo had approached the two of you since Baekhyun’s announcement.

In fact, neither of them were even in the room. Suddenly the lights dimmed and the two missing members entered the room, holding a cake. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday. What was the cake for? As they got closer you heard the other members giggling and grew suspicious. Any of these men giggling was never a good sign. Finally the cake came into view as the two of them stood before you and Baekhyun. “Yah!” Baekhyun laughed as he tried his hardest to sound mad. “Did you fucking plan this?!”

“Dude, you could not have been more obvious in your affections as far as we were concerned. “Kyungsoo deadpanned. “After we all talked last night it became pretty obvious that none of us felt the same way you did, and whilst some of us could see ourselves reaching that point, we weren’t there now. We were always expecting you to confess, and well, noona, you were always closer to Baek than any of us. There was always something brewing under the surface there so we had faith that you’d reciprocate his feelings. So we figured baking a cake for the occasion was a sure bet.”

“You did have us worried when you didn’t say a single word at the table but I’m glad to see it all worked out. We did change the message on the cake just in case you hadn’t confessed to each other by the time you came back out of the room.” Minseok smirked. You finally diverted your gaze to the cake. And laughed. You laughed so hard that you struggled to breathe.

Hurry up and confess to each other so we can celebrate.

“This was your amendment?!” You managed to splutter in between laughs.

Kyungsoo grinned. “Yeah. The original message said Congratulations on realising your feelings.”

“I hate all of you, just so you know.” Baekhyun grumbled, though it was not even remotely convincing what with the huge smile on his face.

“You love us.” Minseok said. “And we’re very happy for you.”

“Now eat the damn cake. I baked it with love.” Kyungsoo said as he thrust the cake towards the two of you.

“You baked for us?” You asked as you smiled.

“Of course I did. I’d only let the others bake if I wanted you to be poisoned. I don’t know how he’d manage it but Junmyeon could give you food poisoning even if all the ingredients were in date. What do you take me for, a monster?” He replied, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

***

After the cake had been eaten,you and Baekhyun decided that it was time to take your leave and head down to your apartment for the night. You made your way around the room to bid each of the members goodnight, and to give each of them a warm hug. You held Yixing extra tight, promising to come have a movie day with him before he had to return to China. You also made him promise to schedule video calls with you so you could keep in touch. He swore that we would and you planned to hold him to that promise.

Minseok walked the two of you to the door. The three of you chatted easily as you and Baekhyun put your shoes on. You were enveloped in a strong embrace as Minseok held you and told Baekhyun to take good care of you because you now had eight friends who would gut him if he hurt you. The weight of his words was diminished when he posed the exact same threat to you. Baekhyun laughed at his protective hyung, cooing at how cute he was for threatening the two of you.

He didn’t let go of you as he reached out to playfully slap Baekhyun. To his credit, Baekhyun let the two of you have your moment as he watched you both silently.

You should have known better. Silence and Baekhyun were never a good mix. “So what if I want Minseok to join in every now and again?” He said as though he was talking about the weather.

“What?!” You both spluttered.

Baekhyun shrugged. “Noona, Hyung, you should see your faces.” He giggled. “I’m only half kidding though.”

“Yeah, you are going to have to say more than that dude.” Minseok groaned.

Baekhyun smiled at both of you. “I don’t know about either of you, but if I had to take a wild guess - we all had a better than good time during hyung’s reward. I’m just not opposed to something like that happening again, obviously not a frequent thing, but yeah. I’m sure you are more than capable of taking charge in the bedroom noona but it was really fucking hot watching both of you and being told what to do. So uh, yeah, just saying I’m happy to leave that door open for a future session.”

“Baek, you can’t just say things like that as though it's normal conversation.” You replied.

“What made you decide to bring that up now of all times?” Minseok asked as you spoke.

“To answer noona - Is that a no to my idea then? Coz like, that’s also fine. To answer hyung - I was reminded of it when the two of you were hugging.”

Minseok shook his head at the younger man. “You’re fucking weird dude.”

“You like it.” Baekhyun quipped.

“I don’t dislike it.” He agreed. “Look, I’m down as long as it doesn’t become weird. It was fun, it was deeply satisfying and it was hot, but not something I’d be willing to ruin our friendships over.”

You finally found some words, not quite believing where the night had taken you. “I feel the same. So uh, I guess at such a time when we want to involve a third, we know who to call…”

“This cannot be my life.” Minseok shook his head in disbelief and pointed towards the door. “Can you two leave already so I don’t get sprung with any more headache inducing conversation topics?”

Baekhyun grabbed your hand and led you through the door. “Let’s go angel.”

You were content, more than content as you stepped across the threshold with Baekhyun, who was now your boyfriend, you supposed. You’d have to discuss labels later. You wanted to spend the entire night in his arms, and like him you did not care if that was while you watched movies, played games, talked, or expressed your feelings for each other in a much more physical manner. All you knew was you felt right, you felt loved and cherished and you felt like you were in a state of utter bliss.

A/N: Thank you if you've stuck with me over the course of the past 7 years. I simply don't have the words to express my gratitude to everyone who made it to this point of my lil fic. Well it was supposed to be little. It was supposed to be 9 chapter of pwp and only take me a couple of months to write but then all of this happened. I grew as a writer through this fic and explored different aspects of what I could write. I'm proud of this fic and glad that it didn't become another one of those unfinished fics on the internet.

It would mean the world to me if you could leave a comment. I love you all.

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