#my brain really does need to be studied
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The Husbands of River Song is not and has never been about the Eleventh Doctor being a deadbeat, distant husband (gross mischaracterization by the way) and the Twelfth Doctor being the "better, more mature, affectionate" husband.
It was about River Song. It was about River and how the events in Manhattan took such a toll on her. It was about letting us see River dealing with grief the way The Snowmen showed us how the Doctor coped after losing believing he had used up all his time with River.
Looking at THORS now with The Ruby's Curse in mind, I get the instinct (for lack of a word that I cannot remember) that the Manhattan incident Blue Roach read from River's diary was not the Manhattan episode that we saw in series 7.
On that note, I'd also like to bring up the fact that the Doctor grounds River and River grounds the Doctor. As Tree talked about in one of her tags, River's empathy is more cognitive than emotional and after musing on it for a bit – considering that the Doctor can no longer go to Manhattan (which may have changed in later series but I wouldn't know at the moment because I have yet to overcome series 7b) and that River does spend time with her parents in Manhattan post-TATM, would the latest Manhattan incident in River's diary be the funeral for Amy? Amy's death? Perhaps even Anthony's? I mean, we already know Rory died five years earlier than Amy. So, knowing how deep River's love for her mother is, it's not too farfetched to say that River spent that time with them. River was by their bedsides as they drew their last breath.
Then Rory's gone, Amy's gone, Anthony's gone. Where does that leave River? Where is the Doctor? (sulking on a cloud on top of Victorian London? trying to figure out the mystery of his newest companion? all while constantly mentioning a certain Professor Song who actually turns out to be his dearly sort of departed absolutely beloved wife?)
Without her parents (and her husband) to ground her, she goes on this maddened, grieving space Robin Hood spree. She seeks fun to fill in the void and takes up marriage as a hobby/side quest. Does she look for the Doctor? Perhaps. Yes, actually. Considering she crashed her latest sort-of-husband's ship onto a planet where she purported the TARDIS to be.
But... she's stealing the TARDIS. She could have just called the Doctor, yeah? So, she doesn't want the Doctor to know then. Well... yeah, considering she has two sort-of-husbands in hand.
So, River would just have gone on from one space Robin Hood spree to the next had the TARDIS not sort-of-stranded herself on Mendorax Dellora to make sure her Water stopped being stubborn and reconcile(?) with her Thief?
Also taking note of how River has read stories about them and knows that Darillium is purported to be their last night together (I could also bring up the fact that this is why I find it easy to digest the "River meeting regenerations of the Doctor younger than the Tenth Doctor makes sense and doesn't break cannon nor ruin SITL/FOTD" but that would take a whole other post). Does this River believe her time with the Eleventh Doctor has ended? The same way series 7b Eleven believed his time with older versions of River has ended? Is this all part of some grand fuckup in communication all thanks to their tangled timelines?
Maybe. Maybe not.
But has River not just been running from her family's death? Has River been running from her supposed last night with the Doctor?
"But River doesn't run." Oh yes. Yes, she does. She knows when to stand her ground. She knows when to charge. And she knows when to run.
"That's out of character for her." No, it's not. She's not invincible. She's this well trained assassin, yes. But invincible? No.
Invincible from the tendency to be blinded by their emotions? Obviously not.
River lies. And River runs.
She is not afraid of her death. She is afraid of the day when her husband, her Doctor, looks into her eyes and looks right through her. And it shouldn't kill her but it does. It did.
So she ran and ran until her bigger-on-the-inside Mum gently reached out and put her back together with the only person left who could ground her. Who she didn't recognize at first but still fell in love with (and would have loved even if he hadn't been revealed to be her actual, long missing husband). Who finally found out their last night wasn't just any night – it was a twenty-four year long last night. Who finally gave her a breather from all the running she'd been doing.
And oh what a night that was (it was the talk of the universe).
#tia talks tish#dw musings#i should be studying but look! i'm yapping away about fictional characters that nobody in my (offline) life knows about#and to whoever wants to yap accordingly or in the opposite manner please be kind to my remaining brain cell i'm just trying to make sense of#my own brain 👍🏻#laying all this out made me feel like that one meme with the guy about to burst his vein trying to explain the wall of stuff behind him#does all this make sense? most likely not. i refuse to reread it because it would just end up in the drafts if i do so and would not see the#light of day until - oh maybe six months from now#doctor who#river song#doctor x river#eleventh doctor#yowzah#twelfth doctor#the doctor#amy pond#rory williams#doctorriver musings#THORS has serious plot holes i'd like to banish forever but it still gave my gal River and her husband that much needed breather#so for that it's sort of forgiven (but never really forgotten)
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The Sua comic is so good it scratches the right cortical regions.
The remains of dead children are akin to snow -a hallmark of winter- to insinuate the cessation of existence. If Sua's sister is to be taken at face value, it is a ritual restricted to children. Mixing their remains in the grass they once walked on, in the only place that offers the vestiges of humanity as a bargain to elicit their most beautiful cries, is horrid.
Equating ashes with snow is such a twisted play on the connotation of purity the latter carries. But also, the remains are scattered under the starry night sky, as if to symbolise the glimmer of hope fading away. Or it could be seen as going back to the abode in the sky where God would have lived had they not been forgotten.
Anakt Garden represents a one-way trip to the afterlife, which is why Sua's sister references it as "hell", because it is frightening. She still has her instincts intact and fears death unlike those who grew up in the garden. However, Sua finds reprieve in this afterlife, morphing into a "heavenly garden", because she was found by Mizi, her delight, her enticing "paradise". In the end, she becomes a perfect victim of the system that ensnares all.
The entire world is built on a travesty of concepts as we know them, deprived of their most raw characteristics. Everyone has to return to the Great Anakt; ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
#alien stage#alnst stuff#very interested if the korean terms draw a distinction between heaven and paradise or use them synonymously#depending on which the second to last para is just babbling but i can dream#also want to throw in the garden of eden into the mix but i don't know enough to decide if it is best depicted by anakt garden or mizi#so many religious undertones and overtones it drives me mad#i really really need to study it better because my brain is chugging full speed ahead and I'm held behind by my lack of information on it#tempted to scream more its criminal what each update does to me#give mizi all the ammo to shoot with she needs to tear apart the cage disguised as heaven with her own two hands
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It’s moments like these that I fear I’m not built for this whole college thing
#I’m so burnt out#and one of my classes genuinely makes me anxious just thinking about#which is great#and getting any accommodations requires proof of diagnosis and a note from a doctor#problem is that one of the major things I need accommodations for is autism and I’m not diagnosed with that because an assessment costs#thousands of dollars and there’s currently two whole people in the entire state I’m in that does them#and then there’s the fact that contacting doctors seems to be impossible for my brain at the best of times#so getting a note from my neurologist saying I can miss class without failing because of migraines has been not happening for a while now#but also idk what to do if not study ecology and get a job in that field#like despite the fact that it was really overwhelming and I was in a ton of pain at the end of the day#working in an aquarium last summer was the only job I’ve had that didn’t make me feel like I needed to crawl out of my own skin#anyway that was a lot and now it’s going into the void of tumblr#j rambles
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they're so GROSSSSSS (<- desperately wants what they have)
alt color under the cut:
#martzipan#komahina#hajime hinata#nagito komaeda#2 final colors bc my brain is allergic to desaturation. i needed to have One Bright One for my sanity#anyways i think they have this thing when they finally get together#where komaeda will just say. Anything basically. in an attempt to fluster hinata#and it does fluster him! but also sometimes he decides to do something about it#which flusters KOMAEDA even harder bc the dumbass forgets that like. affection can happen to him#which makes HINATA flustered again because 'you can say all that but one kiss is overwhelming?!?'#and they do this. all the time. especially early on before they're really used to each other#and they're gross about it. they do this in public. everyone else has to watch them do this like. thrice daily#they're awful. and also i envy them#tried some new things this time. more character interaction practice which is fun#i think this is likee... the third???? kiss i've ever drawn??? good for them#but i care more about the lineart. i tried to think about line weight at least a little bit :] it is Difficult lmao#this one made me realize i need to do a hips study lmao. also a neck study#in other words a girl needs to practice her joints more#there's still smth bugging me abt hinata's face in the 3rd one. but. i don't care it's done i'm not touching it
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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hi people of studyblr
how does one study for many hours without feeling like their brain is dehydrated?
#genuine question tbh#my brain feels parched after studying for a few hours#idk how to overcome that#and i really need to#so does anyone have any advice#studyblr#study motivation#exams#exam season#student life#stemblr#desi studyblr#neet 2024
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Gang every thing is jelly wish me luck on my exams tomorrow
#jar feels everything#i just went across campus to return my books and pick up a package#so my legs need a rest#so does my brain#im gonna study a little bit more tonight#more like review but tomorrow i have 3 tests back to back#and this semester has let me grow alot#i havw better time management skills and study skills bc of college#in high school i didnt really have to worry so much about my grades since it came easy to me#college is a different ball park but im surviving#but ive been able to make some new friends and feel more adult so thats good#and my main support has really been my mom#and also two of my friends#hii mars#along with my dnd group#i love my friends so much but i feel like i dont express it enough gor them to know#but id probably wouldn't have made it this fair without them#i cant wait to go home and see my friends and family#i need this break
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i want to write modern au stuff but i am 1) bad at writing at the moment, and 2) struggling to come up with an angle
i feel like i can’t write anything if i don’t have a theme or angle or concept behind it i need something to dig into and tear apart
#really i just want to do a character study of modern maidris and Everything About Him#but again i need a situation or theme#sigh#he’s bouncing around in my head i need to write some words or i’ll explode into a million pieces#there’s also the whole thing of. no one is going to read this and the brain does not like that#it’s OKAY#it’s just for me and my fun and my brain#and then finally there’s the ‘my ideas are worse than everyone else���s’#lying face down on the floor
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i can slowly feel the yttd brainworms eating up my mind
#jay does a think#im on chapter 2 part 2#gonna play the main game today.. gah#there is so much. so much to think about#i feel too much man this colourful cast is going to be the end of me??!?!#ouguhgufh hold me#i love joe. i really like joe guys#he's my little goober guy. a lovely of sorts. a friend :) with a lot of love#sedate me!#there aren't any characters i particularly DESPISE atm because im not really good at despising#but sou. what is this guy hiding. why is he so slimy. so slimy. so bug like.#i need to strap him to a surgical table and peel open his brain and study it intensively#he makes my blood boil only slightly but i would also like to tuck him into bed#hmm other characters i really like#REKO!!!!!!!!!! REKO YABUSAME!!!!!! GRR#ALSO SARA! I REALLY LOVE SARA SHES SO COOL#also keiji. what a guy.#i really hope nothing bad happens to these guys :) [DEATH GAME] [BY MAJORITY]#there are so many secrets oooooo
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Another one (also exploding it with my mind)
Honestly I would Not be surprised if the clothes change Again there are like. Some constants, and some evil-constants (unconstants) (always changing)
Core point though is the angel/demon imagery!
#i just. really want to start drawing comics. i have a lot of ideas.#and moe does have to be like. a proxy i guess? but also.#i do gotta say i love the spirit of self-ship art and i'm not immune to it obviously LMFAO#but i NEED to capture Something Else. anything from deeply obsessive character studies to pop team epic core shit#i hate romance i hate it soooo fuckibg much why can't i just study a fucker and be weirdly intense best friends and bite them#AND ABOVE ALL ELSE. just be guys being dudes (gender all encompassing guys being dudes is a mindset).#i NEED to get stupid i NEED to get silly it's like zoomies but for fixation-brain. and i've GOTTA just VIBE#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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today was good!!!! but i am!!!! very tired!!!!!!! :D
#i thought today would be bad bc of certain past stuff#so i was kinda bracing for it#BUT IT WINDED UP GOOD.... im happy#good day at work but i think i got more exhausted that my brain just kinda kerplunked on itself#i got to see my friend but we didnt talk much he was just passing by :]#worked w my director who is honestly really nice ajfjdjdjs#tbh i thought she hated me when we first started and wELL I KINDA STILL THINK SHE DOES#im such a dumbass at work so i feel like i just get in the way all the time but#today actually went pretty ok and smoothly jdjdjd minus end of the day#OH AND IT SNOWED BUT I WAS STUCK INSIDE#i basically looked out the window like 🥺🥺🥺🥺 wanting to go out but nooo i couldnt#the consultants all went out to take photos iTS UNFAIR (STOMPS THE GROUND)#anyways. i cant believe i have to study after all this. how cruel 🤧#there wasnt snow when i left sad chirp noises :<#it wasnt enough snow to cover the ground so it was a very :< walk back home. and freezing but you know#anyways its been nice so :) happy.#i need tea.#its near 5 but i need energy to study fjdjdjsk#work logs#snow speaks
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Soundwaves face? Starscream!? The overall interaction and expressions playing like a little film clip? Seeing it is driving me nuts (in a good way) because of how expressive they look and the shape of Starscream's pupils. He looks so—not torn necessarily by his conflicting emotions or whatever may have been running through his mind at this moment, but it could also be some inexcusable form of direct anger, rage, or something that demands a full case worth of effort (in his mind) has to be done by him because Soundwave won’t give up whatever information or bout of mental clarity was asked of him right now. He may already have his own suspicions, maybe already on what Soundwave's answer is, but it has to come from Soundwave to matter/be real enough to deal with the aftermath of all of this (like the answer will change anytime but what it really is).
The problem is: he's dealing with an insane little bat from hell who's also an insane little cryptic. He's not meant for this place or this type of interrogation/conversation, Starscream! Let him be insane sometimes!?Though goodness knows Starscream could always just be lost in the moment as to whatever caused such a ruthless action/response to Soundwave and finally came back to his senses when Soundwave finally looked him in the optics and said something. His little, "Oh no, what have I done!" moment of clarity makes me laugh almost; therein lies that little bit of realization and guilt, or not guilt; only Primus knows that he will justify it all in his spark and (maybe) try to make it up to Soundwave by telling him, "If you weren't so, I wouldn't have had to!! Not my fault!! 😭" He just deflects all blame while patching up the annoyed bat. At least give the cute hellbat a treat, Starscream, something to nibble on while his frame handles all the static charge, thinking about whatever his brain can conjure up now; it's hard to connect to another Cybertronian after experiencing immense horrors, okay!
✿ When I look at you, sometimes I question my own sanity. For you, I am the worst version of myself. For you, I am the best version of myself. Maybe as time passes, I will finally understand why re-visiting the tortured demise of our relationship was a disguised but held hope for more. ✿



Primus forbid a mech be a little bit insane from their own ability and the horrors of being in a horrible institute 😒 can’t do anything in Cybertron these days. This isn’t necessarily part of my continuity’s story cuz it doesnt really have one yet so just imagine whatever story you want for this tbh. Maybe you’d get some ideas

#I am like those cats in those temptation treat commercials for soundstar#I wanna sleep in but my body is used to waking up early by now for lectures everyday#and maybe im running off the euphoria after seeing energ00n reblog my analysis of their jazzop and megop AU art#fish is just rambling whatever pops up again like usual before logging off try and study instead of write aaaaaaaaaaaa#local fish writer rambles about their sillies#I need to study waaa#im insane so soundstar content can be everywhere for me#In: electrocuting my wife#Out: fetching my wife something to eat because I feel bad nows#might come back to add more words#my brain does that alot#I really like using what my art history prof used to make me do for class 😭 all those damn papers..#Ignore whatever I throw out is more like crack analysis not academics#I should write my old prof a thank you email..
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SHIT I FUCKED UP
#i forgot my exam is on thursday and not friday#i thought i had more time#i stayed up all night to 'study' for the exam#and i only got a third of the way through#i need to pull a moby dick. just drop out get a fake id and go to work at a large ship#why the fuck did anyone think i should go to college#if I'd been smarter as a kid i woulda acted dumber so they didn't have any high expectations of me#but i was a dumbass so now we all have to suffer for it#i think this might actually end up being the semester that does it for me#i haven't gone to lectures in months and my grades are the lowest they've ever been#normally i can get a burst of panic induced studying before an exam but that isn't working anymore#even the adhd meds aren't doing it I've barely even studied tonight#i need to get some hard drugs and do a hard reboot of my brain whether it fixes me or kills me or fucks me up for life#i cannot keep going on like this it's unbearable#ughhhhhhhhhh well at least I'll have one final exam after this to really try and pull it together#will i actually end up doing that? who tf knows#but at least i can delude myself into thinking I've still got a chance
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👀 Will you write more Grace and Frankie stuff?
I've got one Grace character study in the making right now (which I'm in the process of rewriting, because s7 revealed some new details about her that conflict with what I'd written up to that point 😂) and I'm hoping I'll have enough motivation to finish another little character study on top of the one I'm working on right now! :)
That being said I do most of my writing when I can't sleep, but I've been sleeping very well lately so it's a bit slow going haha
#i think i'm definitely staying in the character study range for grace & frankie because i adore their relationship as-is#like: is it romantic? is it platonic? no one knows but they're clearly in love in some kind of way#& that's soo much fun to see already (and warms my ace heart haha) i don't really feel the need to write anything explicitly shippy?#the show does that well enough on its own lol#(...that being said ''you have been in love with frankie this whole time'' did something to my brain#& i'm planning to do something with that if i can kick myself into gear and get writing!)#so long answer short: yes i will! but you can only write so much if you're sticking to character studies alone. so probably not a *lot*#ask#my writing
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bend an ear
pairing: peter parker x fem reader
summary: your boyfriend doesn't listen to you. good thing your friendly neighborhood spider-man does.
a/n: there's just something about him idk. andrew garfield spidey bc of course! look at him! this came from me playing the spider-man game after it went on sale and yearning for peter parker (will prob have to rewatch the movies bc of this) anyways hope you like it
wc: 3.6k
warning(s): reader's bf is shitty -- they argue for a while and he lowkey slut shames her. but this is basically all fluff otherwise bc childhood best friends to lovers babby!!! real yearning loverboy hours!!!
Peter just wants to go home.
It’s been… a day. He got his ass kicked by an English test (he doesn’t have time to do the readings when he’s fighting crime), got his ass kicked by Flash Thompson (it’s not like he can fight back with his super strength and pulverize his ribs), and has spent every second since his final class ended fighting petty crimes around the city.
Stopping ATM thefts and minor muggings feels good, sure, but on days like these, it doesn’t really make up for failing intro literature classes and getting absolutely zero sleep. He’s just thankful May is still letting him live with her while he studies at ESU—if he had to do all of this in addition to trying to make his rent? He doesn’t really want to think about it.
So he swung his way to the roof of some random building, and he’s taking a break. Sue him, but Peter thinks he deserves it. What’s the point of living in a city like New York if you can’t have a second to yourself every once in a while?
He’ll go home soon. Grab a bodega sandwich, maybe stop another crime, and then get home for some much needed rest. But for now, he’s just going to sit on this rooftop and relax for a second. Even Spider-man needs some peace and—
“Babe—”
“Why are you following me?”
Peter winces as the door slams open, an argument following close after as a girl storms out onto the roof followed by a guy speeding to keep up with her. His first instinct is to swing away as soon as possible, but for some reason, he stays.
“Because I want to talk!”
“God, do you even hear yourself?”
“You keep talking over me, so I really—”
“You don’t get to babe me right now!”
As if his day hadn’t been bad enough, now he’s accidentally made himself privy to some couple’s dispute. He’s about to web himself out of this third wheeling nightmare when the girl turns around with a groan, revealing her face, and Peter realizes who it is.
It’s you.
This is your apartment complex. Peter came here without even realizing it, but can he really be surprised? Your name is synonymous with peace in his brain. Comes with the territory of being friends for so long—it still calms him, even when you’re being the opposite of peaceful.
“I don’t get why you’re acting like this!” the guy exclaims, frustration clear in his voice.
Of course. Why wouldn’t your shitty boyfriend be here too? The only reason you live here is because you scored this place together; said he didn’t want you living on campus anymore. Ethan Frey might be the bane of Peter’s existence after two and a half years of him being your boyfriend.
“Because you and your posse are acting like complete jags in front of all my friends!” you shout back.
He laughs in disbelief. “I’m just being myself, babe. Besides, you’re the one who said I could invite them!”
“Because you complained about it just being my friends,” you grind out. “You weren’t even supposed to be here, Ethan! You just can’t handle the thought of me being around guys that aren’t you!”
“Well, what the hell am I supposed to think, huh?” He gestures wildly. “You spend every second with that geek and I’m supposed to believe you’re not into him?”
And now he’s eavesdropping on a conversation between you and your boyfriend about him. How could this get worse?
“God, it isn��t like that at all!” you exclaim with a mirthless laugh. “Peter is my friend— my best friend since elementary school. You knew when we got together that wasn’t going to change.”
“Yeah,” he says, nodding lazily, “but that was before I knew how obvious his hard-on for you was.”
Peter feels his face heat beneath the mask, wants to wipe the sweat off his palms. That’s how it could get worse.
Your nostrils flare as you turn away, your hands flexing while you shake your head. “Get out of here, Ethan.”
“Oh, of course that’s where you draw the line,” Ethan mocks. “When I bring up fuckin’ Peter Parker.” He pauses then chuckles. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”
Peter nearly intervenes right then and there, wanting to stop this mess before Ethan does anything to hurt you. But revealing himself sounds like the worst possible thing to do, so for once he listens to the rational part of his brain over the emotional.
“He’s not even here!” you retort. “I live with you, not him. I’m dating you, not him. Why are you bringing him up?”
“Because I’m not blind.” Ethan crosses his arms. “Y’know, I thought you’d get over this little thing after you let me take you out, but for some reason, it’s exactly the same. I swear you spend more time with him than me.”
Your hands clench into fists. “Get out of here.”
He scoffs. “You want me to leave you up here?”
“Yes,” you nod.
“God, you’ve been acting crazy this whole night!” he complains. “You’ll freeze up here. Just get over it—we’ll go back down, I’ll get you a beer—”
“I hate beer.”
“Then I’ll get you a fucking apple juice,” he spits. “Just stop being so dramatic.”
“You’re not listening to me!” you shout. “I want you to leave me alone!”
This time he says your name, and you shake your head.
“Go back to the apartment,” you interrupt. “Because if I have to spend another second with you, our relationship might not make it through the night.”
For once, Ethan is silent as he stares at you. You stare back with no sign of giving up. Eventually, he just huffs and shakes his head.
“Whatever.” He starts walking towards the door. “You better cool off up here, because I’m not dealing with this shit when you come back down.”
You stare at the door for a good twenty seconds once he closes the door—slams it, rather—before you angrily kick a stray soda can. Your childhood days of rec soccer must still be in you, because you get an arc on it. Just before it can go over the side of the building, Peter shoots a web to catch it wholly on instinct.
Your eyes widen as you dart around, and Peter is finally spotted from his place on top of the roof door building thing. What is that even called? He doesn’t really have time to think about it. The aluminum can crunches as it flies into his hand, and you stare at him in complete shock.
“Uh,” his mouth suddenly feels very dry, but he has to make some excuse for why he’s up here, “littering is bad.”
Good one, Parker.
“You’re Spider-man,” you say, eyes still wide.
“The one and only,” he nods.
“Oh my god,” you mumble, finally seeming to break out of your shock as you cover your mouth and turn away. “Oh my god, Spider-man just heard my relationship falling apart.”
“I didn’t hear anything!” Peter exclaims. “I—”
You shoot him the withering look he loves so much, that was able to get his bullies to shrink on the spot in high school—it feels weird being on the receiving end of it.
“I’m not stupid,” you say.
“I kn—” He has to stop himself from saying I know, because realistically Spider-man has no idea who you are. “I’m sorry.”
You huff and cross your arms. “Do your superhero duties include eavesdropping on failing couples?”
“It was an accident,” Peter says. “I was up here before you were. So technically, you were eavesdropping on my actual superhero duties.”
You laugh, and he smiles just at the sound of it. One benefit to wearing the mask, because it would expose him right on the spot. “Oh yeah? And what are those?”
“Patrolling the streets,” he says. “I’ve got a very good vantage point from up here.”
You hum, your mood turning a bit more morose as you glance away. “Well, I’m sorry you had to hear all that during your patrol.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through it,” he says. “Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole.”
You roll your eyes. “He’s fine, most of the time. Just had a little bit too much to drink.”
Peter will never understand why you defend Ethan so much. You’ve been together since freshman year and he’s only gotten worse since then—maybe he hides how he is around you, because he hasn’t really shied away from showing Peter how much he hates him this past year.
“He looked pretty sober to me,” Peter says. “And trust me, I have plenty of experience fighting guys that have had too much to drink.”
You huff. “What are you, a spider-therapist?”
“I’m good at a lot of things,” he says. “And I’m always good for bending an ear.”
“Surely you have better things to do than listen to me complain.”
Peter shakes his head. “My schedule’s pretty clear right now, actually.”
“Really?” you marvel. “There’s no crime in New York City at,” you check your watch, “11:37 pm?”
“Absolutely none,” he says. “I solved it all. At least for now.”
You laugh again at that and gesture with your head as you walk over to the edge of the roof. “Then I guess I’ll take you up on that offer.”
Peter jumps down and follows you over. You hoist yourself on top of the wall, legs dangling over the edge, and he feels himself frown as he leans his back against the wall and looks up at you.
“Isn’t that a little dangerous?”
“You’ll catch me if I fall,” you say.
“Obviously,” Peter says. “I’m supposed to encourage safe behavior in New Yorkers, though.”
You laugh and tilt your head up towards the night sky. The moonlight reflects in your eyes and Peter knows he could get lost in them forever. “Just this once, then.”
“I think I can let it slide.”
“Good.”
A comfortable beat of silence passes between the two of you, and Peter finds himself smiling. No wonder he ended up at your place out of instinct. There’s nothing else like your company.
“I always think it’ll be different,” you murmur. Peter glances up at you, your expression shifted to something more melancholic. “We’ll have a good day, which’ll turn into a good week and a good month, but he always does something to mess it up. It’s like it’s in his DNA.”
He stays silent as you think. Most of the time when you rant to Peter, you just want to be heard, not given advice. At this point, he’s an expert at listening to you. It’s not like he minds.
“I want things to work out. I— I still love him. I mean, I think I do. But everything is a fucking struggle with him. If I don’t do things the exact way he wants, if I try to do something for me instead of him, if I can’t read his fucking mind, then he loses it and we argue. And I’m so fucking tired of arguing!”
Your voice has risen by now, and you bite down hard on your cheek. Peter doesn’t realize he’s started reaching towards you to comfort you until you look back down at him, and he runs his hand over his head in an effort to cover it up.
“I’m sorry,” you sigh. “I promise, I’m a much nicer person than this. You just caught me at the worst time.”
“Don’t worry,” he says. “I know.”
Your brows rise. “Spider-man knows I’m a nice person?”
“I can just tell,” he rushes, trying to save himself. He’s doing a real good job at not revealing his identity. “I’m good at reading people.”
You chuckle and shake your head, then adjust your position so your back is towards the open air. It makes Peter nervous, he can’t lie, but it’s not like he’s not a superhero.
“So, spider-therapist,” you say. “Any advice?”
So this is one of the rare times you do want answers. Peter wonders if you’ll leave your boyfriend if Spider-man tells you to.
“He doesn’t sound great,” Peter says, inclining his head. “How many times have you argued this week?”
“Four,” you say. “Five, if you include tonight.”
He whistles. “And it’s only Wednesday.”
You tip your shoulder. “We’re efficient.”
“And unhappy, it sounds like.”
“We’re not unhappy,” you defend. “We’re just…”
“You’re up here talking to me instead of down there with him,” Peter says wryly. “That doesn’t exactly scream ‘happy couple’.”
You shake your head with another sigh. “It’s because he can’t get over Peter.”
He tries to act as nonchalant as possible when you bring him up. Is this an invasion of privacy? Letting you talk to him about all this when you have no idea who Spider-man actually is?
Instead of floundering over moral qualms, he just clears his throat. “And who’s he?”
“My best friend,” you say. “The one person who’s been by my side since the second I moved to New York. He means everything to me.”
Peter feels his heart skip a beat. “Yeah?”
“He’s like— like the opposite of Ethan, and it’s wonderful. I guess that’s why Pete irks him so much. Y’know,” you pull out your phone and start typing in your password, “maybe I should call him. He always knows what to say.”
“No!” Peter exclaims with a bit too much force, causing you to give him a look. “No— I mean, it’s late. He’s probably asleep. And— and it’s a school night?”
You tilt your head, and Peter exhales when it seems to work. “True. He’s probably studying for that biochem test.” You grimace. “I should be doing that too.”
He watches you type out a few texts and send them, and Peter’s never been more thankful to have his phone on silent. What a way that would be to blow his cover.
You shove your phone back in your pocket with another sigh. “I just hate that my boyfriend and my best friend don’t get along. I love them both—why can’t they like each other?”
“I mean…” Peter trails off when you look at him, and he gestures with his head. “It seems pretty obvious why they don’t get along.”
“Yeah,” you say dryly. “Because Ethan thinks Peter likes me, and he probably thinks I have some secret crush on him too. I swear, he’s always looking for a reason to fight.”
God, could the universe be calling him out any more? It’s honestly ridiculous how this is going.
“Do you?” Peter asks, because he can’t help himself. “Like him, I mean.”
“I don’t know,” you murmur. “I love Pete, I do. It’s always been the two of us no matter what. But I…”
He holds his breath as he tries not to look at you, tries not to make it too obvious that he might have stumbled his way into his simultaneous dream and nightmare scenario.
He’s had a crush on you for what feels like forever. Since you stood up for him against his bullies in elementary school, honestly, and it’s only grown over the years as the two of you have grown. From recesses spent together and bike rides through the city; spending the night in Peter’s apartment because it was easier for your sister to let it happen than try and drag you back home; endless nights with heads bent over textbooks trying to study for tests, over college applications trying to get into the same place, and now studying and researching near every damn weekend together because you’re both unfortunate enough to try for ESU STEM degrees.
You were there when Ben died. He’s there on every anniversary of your parents’ accident. Without knowing it, you were there when he got bit and his whole life turned upside down.
You and Peter have been there every step of the way for each other, and it’s why he’s content with just friendship—Peter wants you in his life no matter what. But he can’t lie and say he doesn’t hope.
No, actually. He yearns. He’s doomed to be a yearner for the rest of his life because he’ll never stop loving you. How could he?
“I’m not sure,” you finally say with a sigh. “All I know is that I’d rather be with Pete tonight than Ethan.”
Peter wonders if your chest compressions are still as good as they were in high school, because he feels like he’s about to have a heart attack.
You’d rather be spending tonight with him than your boyfriend of two years and seven months, and Peter isn’t even supposed to know.
You mistake his silent freakout for nonchalance, and you clear your throat as you jump back onto solid ground.
“Well, I’ve spilled my soul to you,” you say wryly, crossing your arms. “Anything a superhero can spill in return?”
Peter thinks for a good, long second. His hands itch to take off his mask, to do what he’s wanted to do since he got bitten by that stupid spider and show you who he really is.
How many times has he been a total asshole, canceling plans on you because he had to go stop some supervillain from wreaking havoc in Times Square? How many times has he been late to something important to you because he was caught up stopping dime a dozen muggings? He still remembers the look on your face when he showed up just in time to miss the entirety of Les Mis’s opening night with your first lead role.
You were a better best friend to Peter than he was to you because of this stupid mask. If he took it off, it wouldn’t make every mistake fade away, but it would sure help explain some of it.
But Peter has been doing this since high school, and he has seen far too many times what happens to the loved ones of heroes. They’re used as leverage, used for ransom, sometimes just straight up killed.
You’ve been friends with Peter since you and your sister moved into the apartment next to May’s thirteen years ago. It doesn’t matter if you never share Peter’s feelings. You’re one of the only constants in his life, and he’s not going to lose you because he’s too selfish to keep a secret.
Losing you would be the last straw. He couldn’t take it.
So Peter pushes all thoughts of secret identities revealed out of his mind and tries to chuckle convincingly.
“I’m allergic to peppermint, believe it or not.”
You stare at him, deadpan. “That’s nowhere close to all the shit I just gave you.”
“It’s true!” he exclaims, holding up his hands. “Happened after I got bit by the spider. They’re repelled by peppermint oil, and I guess I am too.”
You shake your head in disbelief. “I can’t believe Spider-man is a coward.”
“A superhero’s gotta have some secrets,” he says, and he taps the side of his head. “Otherwise this thing doesn’t do much good.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you say. “Whatever.”
A chill suddenly goes up Peter’s spine and he whips around—he can hear a distant scream followed by a distant gunshot, and he mentally curses.
“Duty calls?” you ask, drawing his attention back to you.
“Yeah,” he says. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be.” You smile, and it’s genuine. A nice change from the state Ethan effortlessly puts you in. “You went out of your way to cheer me up. Pretty super of you.”
“I hope it makes up for the eavesdropping,” he says.
“More than,” you nod. “Now get out of here. Your city needs you.”
Peter nods too, and he backflips onto his original spot. “Have a good night. You’re real special to somebody.”
He’s gone before you can say anything else, already zipping across the rooftops to get to the scene of the crime. Peter can only think of your face as he swings through the air—all the things he’s too scared to say to you.
The crime, which turns out to be yet another petty theft, is resolved easily enough with some punches, kicks, and a snappy one-liner. Once he’s retrieved the woman’s purse and alerted the police, he’s back in the sky.
Peter only stops once he’s swung a couple miles away, perching on the edge of some rooftop for some actual peace and quiet. He checks around once or twice to make sure he’s not somehow back at your place, and when he’s sure it’s all clear, he pulls his phone out. He swipes past all the notifications he’s racked up until he finds the one he’s looking for: the texts from you.
hey pete, I know you’re prob asleep rn but you were right. I really need to study for that test lol
wanna meet me at the library tomorrow after QM? I’ll buy the coffee this time i promise <3
as long as you use your roomie’s dining dollars to get me a croissant lol
Peter can’t help but smile, larger than anything tonight. This is why he’s okay with being nothing but your friend for the rest of his life.
Deal. Anything to get you an A
lol
asshole
Never
Try to get some sleep. No good studying on a tired brain
Three dots appear for a good long second, enough to constitute a decent paragraph—then they disappear. In its place:
I’ll try just for you
night boy genius
(How could he not love you?)
Night, girl wonder
#peter parker x reader#tasm!peter x reader#tasm!peter parker x reader#spiderman x reader#spider-man x reader#spider man x reader#peter parker x you#peter parker fanfiction#tasm x reader
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my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni
#in school i just did the bare minimum a pass was fine and a 3 great#it's insane to think about it how little i did like for a lot of subjects not at all and if i did i'd study like 2 hrs the day before 😭#and i thought this was studying hard or if i studied 3 hrs at least whaaat#well for some subjects i did a bit more#but like it is no comparrison#at uni i also did study the day before a few times but then i did an 8hr session#(i might just need to do that tmrw but the thing is the exam is one you can't study for so literary idk what i'd study so long for??)#(or how to study... it's translation but how tf do you study translation it's highly subjective and there are no practice exercises)#(i will probably just look at the notes)#but anyway for my last exam i spent 5 hrs in the library a day and i already started 2 weeks before (altough just in smaller bits)#but bumped it up exam week i did like 2-3hrs on average a day#even if i start too late like i did for one of the hardest test of my studies i only studied for 2 days but like all day or 10hrs sth a day#it by far exceeds the 2hrs lmao and even that was very little for this exam many studied 2 weeks but like i got a good grade so it's okay#but my point is now that i get better grades good one's a C is a massive disappointment for me 😅#unless it was a really difficult one then i'd take it but like it upsets me#a teacher once told me when i got a c on an exam quite a few failed that many would be happy to have that grade well true tbh but i can't#and once i almost cried because i got a C because i thought it was an easy course but it was an oral exam and i'm worse in these#(because in written i often remember the answer later in the exam and then go back but in oral i can't do that)#well that was embarrassing😭 i'm trying to never do that again so if i get asked how i feel abt it say it's okay ig#but sometimes even a B is meh 😅 especially if an A was possible and it was an easy course/exam#i want more A's less B's tbh B's also because i really want to go abroad and raise my grade average for that#i want to go from a B average to an A something average to improve my chances#but yeah younger me wouldn't believe this 😂#i really want to study harder to make that step up to more A's than B's like uni does come quite easy to me#and while i study way more compared to others i still get away with less effort and good results but i could have excellent grades#on the one hand it's good that i improved so much on the other those expectations might not be because i'm almost never satisfied anymore 😅#and i know it's kind of really unimportant because there are real problems and also many uni students struggle to pass their classes#it's maybe even a bit disrespectful because they'd be happy to have these grades and i should be more grateful#but i swear i don't look down on anyone with worse grades i know how difficult it can be and also how outside factors play a role#some have it more difficult some have to work a lot next to uni or really suffer from mental illness besides no one's brain is the same
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